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meek-boy-rogers · 6 years

Text

Friends

Fandom: Marvel

Words: 1,385

Summary: Steve and Bucky love each other more than friends should, they come to the conclusion together over a Christmas movie and hot cocoa. (Based on Friends by Ed Sheeran)

Warnings: Pure fluff.

Masterlist

Since childhood Steve Rogers and James Barnes have been inseparable, they had a bound no one could break. They shared a love that no one person could conjure up, they knew their love deep down wasn’t as normal as most best friend’s love was. It was always something more, but it was unspoken. They didn’t ever risk voicing the unspeakable. They’d find themselves brushing their hands together underneath the blankets as they were trying to sleep, waking up in the mornings with limbs tangled and as close as they could possibly get.

As they aged, their closeness didn’t cease, if anything they’d gotten closer in their lone time. They were young, in their 20s. The supposed best years of their life and Steve was miserable. Not only because he was sick all the time, but mostly because Bucky was finding dames all around town to bring home. He would go out, drink the cheapest alcohol, go dancing with the first woman to come up to him and bring her home, stumbling and laughing as he would push her against the wall. Steve would just grab his sketch pad and pencils, storm past the two and make his way out to the front porch. He knew deep down that Bucky was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he might be a queer, but either way, it still hurt him so much.

He would sit on the porch for hours, drawing up pictures of whatever came to mind. Sadly, the only thing that did was Bucky. He could hear the sounds of pleasure leaving the girl, the grunts coming from Bucky. He heard the bangs of furniture and books dropping. He wished he’d had a stereo sat next to him or at least a pair of ear plugs to block out the sounds. The night air of Brooklyn would take over his small frame, causing shivers to run down his spine. He would finally go back inside once the girl stumbled out of the apartment, anger seeming to be coursing through her body as she stomped down the steps past Steve.

Bucky would be sat on the couch, face in his hands as he rocked back and forth softly. Steve was left to pick up the pieces of his failed attempt of trying to be a normal heterosexual man. He didn’t mind the fact that Bucky would cry into his shoulder, or that his breath smelt and tasted of cheap beer and cigarettes. Steve held Bucky close to his chest, taking the weight of the larger man with no complaint. Bucky would fall asleep in Steve’s arms, his breathing becoming faint and calm. This is what made it all worth it for Steve, the sereneness of certain moments.

On random Sundays, they’d find themselves facing each other on the couch, lips playing together like magnets. When they would pull away to breathe, Steve would lean back on the arm of the couch, grab his pad and pencil and began doodling. Bucky would be leaning across to look at the drawings, usually it would be a little portrait of Bucky. His hair pointing in all types of directions, eyes looking dazed. Presumably what he looked like in the very moment.

“C’mon, Stevie, you’ve probably drawn hundreds, if not thousands, of pictures of just me. Put the pencil down for a moment and c’mere.” Bucky made grabby hands for Steve, pulling him onto his lap and leaving trails of kisses down his jaw and neck. Steve had goosebumps for days after that.

It took them 70 years and a plethora of wars just to get the time to finally settle who they are, and the two still found themselves walking around on their tip toes trying to avoid it. They still had the unspoken love, neither of them admitting the feelings they felt. They still found themselves with tangled limps and lips late at night when they were finally free of any watchful eyes. They’d only wake up in the morning to not speak of the previous night’s activities. They’d sneak glances at each other throughout the day, even leaving lingering touches to the others hand or knee, maybe their arm.

It took them months to get to the point of even sharing these touches, seeing as Bucky feared getting close to anyone, mentally and physically. Steve reassured him that it was okay, everything was going to be okay. Bucky knew he could trust Steve, he loved Steve. Bucky was on the brink of insanity, his mind nearly gone from the electroshock therapy that Hydra would give him. His memories, his emotions, everything he knew about himself was brought back with just a look into Steve’s eyes. Steve was his sanity, Steve was his heart and his soul.

Now, they currently sat cuddled close under a blanket drinking their hot cocoa that Steve made, watching a random Christmas movie as it was nearing the 25th. The movie wasn’t important to the two super soldiers at the moment, their minds both wondering to different places other than the movie, but to same train of thought.

They wondered why they were still labeled as friends, why haven’t they taken the leap of going further into what they really want to be? Bucky knew just as much as Steve did that friends don’t share beds, friends don’t kiss and hold each other close at night, breathing in the scent of the other. They knew their feelings, they knew how he felt. Steve loved Bucky more than anything he has ever loved, he loves him to the moon and back, Bucky loved Steve to the same extent, more if it were humanly possible. One question was dancing on the tip of their tongue.

“Do you love me?” They both spoke at the same time, the question coming out quick, but clear.

“What? Of course, I love you, Stevie. You’re my best friend.” Bucky turned his body to face Steve, an inquisitive look written across his features.

“We’re not friends, we’ve never been just friends, Bucky. If you know me, like I know you, you should know. You should love me like I love you.” Steve waved his hands around emphatically, his eyes burning deep into the ocean blue ones of Bucky.

“I do. I do love you, more than I love myself and that terrifies me. Steve, your eyes, your voice, your everything brought me out of sanity. It’s scary.” Bucky had tears that were threatening to spill, but he just blinked them away. He still had the fear of crying, to show emotions like everyone else did.

“Why are you scared, Buck?” Steve asked, taking hold of Bucky’s flesh and metal hand, pulling them up to his chest. Sometimes it was out of instinct, to place Bucky’s hand on his heart. So, Bucky knew that they were alive and safe, hearts beating as one.

“I don’t want to lose you again, or leave you again. Loving someone opens up this vulnerability. But, I don’t know who I would be if I didn’t love you. I owe you my life, you may not think I do, but you saved me. More than once. Emotionally, physically.” Bucky avoided Steve’s eyes, the blue orbs always made him feel like he was drowning, but in the best way. Drowning in serenity, peace, love, comfort.

“I’d rather love you and lose you, than to not love you and lose you. Does that make sense?” Steve couldn’t help the laugh that followed, he wasn’t sure whether he was making sense. Bucky let out a chuckle, curling his hands into Steve’s and pulling him as close as he could, even if Steve wasn’t small anymore, he was never too big to crawl onto Bucky’s lap.

“C’mere and kiss me, punk.” Bucky was sure his eyes were sparkling with 90 years’ worth of love, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t scared to love anymore, he wasn’t scared because Steve would protect him, save him, and vise versa. The movie was long forgotten, the hot cocoa was now cold, and the blanket was no longer needed to fend off the cold. Steve was curled up in Bucky’s lap, lips wrapped securely around Bucky’s. This is what love felt like and friends didn’t love like they did.

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