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emeraldbabygirl · 2 years

Text

Untitled pt.2

Genre: smut, and super super fluffness overload uwu

Warnings/kinks: it’s a lil sad in the beginning but it’s okay! It gets better! mentions of body and self esteem issues, chubby reader, virgin reader, female reader, experienced kyubin 👉👈 It’s like a full on walk through of the entire sexual experience so a lot of kissing, UNPROTECTED HAND HOLDING, like kind of breast worship? a little bit, light nipple play, lil love bites uwu, A Guide to the Handjob: For Beginners, some light finger blasting, that one cunny licking word that ion how to spell but I wanted it to sound nicer than “pussy eating” PROTECC THE PEEN DURING THE SIDEWAYS DOLPHIN, so many pet names (I went overboard because I am a slut) ITS REALLY SWEET AND CUTE SEX NOT ROUGH AND A LOT OF CUTE TOUCHING AND THINGS

Length: it’s the longest fic I’ve ever written so if you don’t like long texts don’t read because I have no idea how many words she’ll have when I’m done. It’s probably over 4000 I’m gonna throw that number out there.

AN: I JUST WANT TO THANK THE LOVELY @enhyp3nen FOR SUGGESTING A PART 2 IM GONNA BE SCREAMING THE ENTIRE TIME I WRITE THIS OMG I CANNOT SKSKSKSKK SKRRT! So yes thank you for this suggestion and I hope you like this part just as much as the first! Btw we need more Kyubin specific writings of any and every kind HE IS THE SUN UGH. I’m love him and he just..ok let’s get on with it uwu! P.S since this is literally my life’s work I would really love if I got feedback on it. I do think it’s one of my best fics but I know it’s not totally perfect so I’ve anyone wants to say something nice about it please don’t say it’s horrible I will cry this took me like...idk months. But no pressure if you don’t want to say anything. Like if you just like it that’s cool too 👉👈

It was exactly eight at night when you came into the living room. Just as you had hoped, there was your wonderful boyfriend Kyubin sitting on the couch watching tv.

Tonight you were finally going to initiate sex for the very first time in your relationship. After what happened in the shower that one time you worked your very hardest to feel better about yourself and put more trust in Kyubin. He had given you the whole ‘love yourself’ talk so many times you finally listened to his advice and put his words and that talk to good use. You stepped up and stepped out of your comfort zone a few times which surprised your boyfriend but the way he got excited and happy to see you become more confident in yourself and the way he praised you even more made you truly want to take the next step. He never stopped telling you he was going to support you through all the things you did.

You took a deep breath and approached him. You still weren’t confident enough to entice him with any special lingerie but since this was such a big step for you you didn’t think it mattered. You spent hours before now in the bathroom, showering, making sure your legs were shaved and smooth, shaving other parts of you body; you didn’t want to look like a gorilla. You sprayed on just a little bit of perfume to hopefully mask the nervous sweat before changing into clean clothes. One of Kyubin’s t-shirts and a pair of shorts that you mostly wore around when Kyubin was not home. Super soft pink shorts with a ribbon tied in the front. You didn’t want to overdo yourself but you wanted to look good for him to the best of your ability. Your hair was still a bit wet as you tucked it behind your ear. You opted to keeping it lose instead of the go-to ponytail it was always in. Like you said, you wanted to look good but in a comfortable way.

“Kyubin,” you called out trying your very best to sound clear and confident. You wanted to be able to communicate well with your boyfriend especially now. There was no backing down from this tonight. You had worked so hard to get to where you are now and nothing was going to get in your way. Kyubin turned to you and as he did you started blushing like crazy. His eyes were widening slightly at the sight. A comforting smile spread across his beautiful face, the kind that always gave your tummy butterflies. Your heartbeat was speeding up and your mind was starting to get mushy with every and any thought going through your head.

“Hey baby,” Kyubin repositioned himself on the couch and held his hand out for you. You gave a small smile and joined him on the couch. “Look at you baby. Oh, are you out of clean clothes? I can do some laundry?” Kyubin questioned. His hand went up to cup your now beat red face. His thumb very slowly caressed your cheek. “Kyubin,” you began. You were suddenly extremely nervous. Why did Kyubin think you were out of clean clothes? Did he think you were dressed like a slob? He wouldn’t really think that would he, it was just a question. I mean he’s never seen you in anything other than pants. Mostly sweats. Despite all the cute skirts and dresses you had in your closet you never wore them. Negative thoughts started to gather in your head but you pushed them back. ‘One step at a time’ you thought to yourself.

“I wanted to wear shorts. I usually only wear them when you aren’t home..but tonight I wanted to..” you stopped your sentence. Kyubin shifted so his body was facing you, his right arm around the back of the couch and his left hand slowly resting on your thigh. Not on the skin but just on top of your shirt. It was awfully long anyway. Kyubin’s hand was warm on your thigh, when you looked down his large hand looked very small against your thighs that were, well, big. His thumb moved slowly along the cotton material of the shirt.

When you looked up at Kyubin again there was a loving and comforting look across his entire face, his eyes were locked on yours, a small very slight twinkle that only comes out when he looks at you. It made you smile a little wider. “You look very cute my love.” Every time Kyubin called you a sweet nickname like this you felt your heart burst out of your chest and you fought every urge to kiss him. You’ve never even made out with your boyfriend until you were in the shower with him. It drove you crazy that you couldn’t just be intimate with him whenever. You unconsciously looked down beginning to wring your hands. You did this when you started to get nervous or if you were about to cry. What a shame it was that you happened to be doing both right now. This wasn’t the way you wanted it to go. You wanted to be confident in asking him and now you just seemed pathetic.

“Hey,” Kyubin lightly grabbed your chin and lifted it up so your eyes met his. “You look cute. It’s very big of you to wear something like shorts with me in the house. Especially since you’re always in sweatpants all the time.” Kyubin chuckles causing you to laugh a little. “I know I say this all the time but you are absolutely stunning. You are my beautiful girlfriend no matter what and I will continue to tell you until you believe it yourself.” Kyubin spoke softly but clearly making sure you heard his every word. He wiped your tears away with his thumb.

This was it. You should speak up now while you and Kyubin are having this talk. Remember, one step at a time? You can do this. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly you opened your mouth. “Kyubin, I dressed up for you. Well, kind of. Tonight..” you paused. Could you do this? Were you really ready like you thought you were? You reached up and grabbed Kyubin’s hand that was cupping your cheek and lowered it into your lap. You held his hand with both your hands, running your thumb over the back of his hand. You made eye contact with Kyubin, you did all you could to keep the tears at bay, the nerves shooting through your body like electricity.

Kyubin’s other hand was lightly patting your head. He said nothing but waited so patiently for you to continue. “Kyubin,” you repeat his name once again. “I want to have sex tonight.” You did it. You finally said it. Your face was so hot and you were starting to nervous sweat but you did it. You were expecting Kyubin to be happy at your confession but he looked sad and a little confused. You looked into his eyes for any confirmation that he heard anything you just said. What if he changed his mind and didn’t want to have sex with you? What if-

“Are you sure you are ready?” Kyubin interrupted your thoughts. He placed the hand that wasn’t been held by you over yours and you let him hold your hands in his. “I haven’t pressured you too much have I? Are you feeling bad because we haven’t gotten intimate?” You shook your head. “No it’s not that. Kyubin..I’ve been working on myself these past couple months and..and I want to show you that I’m ready to be intimate with you. Kyubin, I want to have sex and make love to you. I want to feel good and make you feel good and just have fun with you sexually. I’m ready.” Your voice wavered because of nerves but you did your best to sound confident. Kyubin sat there for a moment. He was thinking, you could tell because his eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes were locked on something spacing out. He did that when he was thinking, you thought it was sexy to be really honest. Then he unexpectedly pulled you into a hug. His big arms held you and you smiled but started to tear up. Were you still nervous or were you happy and relieved? Maybe you were scared of what was to come.

When he pulled away he held your face with both his hands and brought his lips to yours for a quick kiss. “I’m so fucking proud of you my love. So so proud.” You smiled leaning into Kyubin’s hand. Kyubin rose to his feet and held his hand out once again to help you up. You got this sudden surge of excitement that you couldn’t help but let out a giggle. You loved that he was actually happy about your confession and that he was so proud of you. Your hard work really did pay off. He grabbed your hand as you walked slowly to your bedroom. Whenever you glanced at him he looked at you with that huge and wholesome smile. He couldn’t stop smiling.

When you got to the bed he sat you down right in the middle gently. It was the next step. The two of you in each other’s presence just a couple articles of clothing away from molding your bodies together in sweet sweet bliss. Just the thought of it alone had your head spinning. And then you had a negative thought. You would be completely naked and exposed in front of him. This time it wasn’t in the shower and you were actually going to go further than kissing. What if he changed his mind in the middle of it? What if he pulled another stunt like he did in the shower. Memories flooded back into your mind of how he turned into some type of lust craving animal and it terrified you, the way his lips attacked your wet skin and his hands had a mind of their own. You started to cry. This was definitely not how you wanted things to go at all.

“Y/n, my love. Look at me.” Kyubin tucked your hair behind your ear waiting for your eyes to meet with his. He gave a small smile. “It’s okay to be nervous. It’s okay to feel a little uneasy. It’s okay that you are scared. Everything will be alright I promise you that. I will take care of you alright? You have my word.” You broke a smile. Kyubin really was the best and most wonderful man in your entire life. The sweetest boyfriend.

“Communication is super important from here on out okay. You have the wheel, let me know how everything is along the way alright? You are in charge okay? Just promise me one thing,” Kyubin gently held the back of your head and brought his forehead to yours. You could smell his scent and it helped calm you down. “If at any time you get uncomfortable you tell me. If at any time no matter how far along we are, you want to stop you tell me and I will stop. If you need a break you tell me, if you need anything at all you open that pretty mouth of yours and tell me nice and clear with your words you understand me?”

You nodded. This dominant side of Kyubin was so hot and you could honestly say it was a huge turn on. Knowing that he would take care of you in the bedroom was something that you never dreamed would happen. It made your heart go crazy. “Communication y/n, use your words. I need to hear that you understand.” Your breathing became heavy your eyelids were closing. You felt a warm sensation through your entire body. Was this you being turned on? “Y-Yes. I understand Kyubin. I will Kyuuu~” You couldn’t focus on anything anymore your brain was turning into mush and so were your words.

You opened you eyes and were met with Kyubin’s, the sparkle that he always had while looking at you even brighter. “I’m gonna love you so much tonight, make you feel amazing, help you explore that beautiful body of yours. I’ll take care of you my love.” He said cupping your face gently. You wanted to dive right in a start kissing him on his pretty lips but you had a pit at the bottom of your stomach. Something was bothering you and you needed to talk to Kyubin about it. You didn’t know if you felt guilty or angry or scared but you had to say something now before things got too far.

“Um, Kyubin. C-can we talk. About what happened in the shower?” Your voice wasn’t very convincing, it sounded weak and scared but Kyubin understood all the thoughts and emotions going through you and he knew that you were trying your best tonight. He nodded resting his hand gently on your thigh. You let out a deep breath before you continued. “What happened Kyu?” It took a moment for him to answer, he was probably gathering his thoughts. He was surprised that you brought it up in fact. Kyubin figured you pushed it behind you but it looks like it was still bothering you.

Kyubin sighed. “I don’t know.” His voice sounded confused and unsure. He wouldn’t look at you. For a moment you wondered if he himself attempted to push the situation to the back of his mind like you did. Did it even bother him? And why was he not looking at you when he had all night? “I don’t know..” he said again. His head was down and he removed his hands from your thigh and began messing with his fingers like what you do when you get fidgety or anxious. Like you did earlier before you cried. You didn’t know what was going on and so you placed your hand on his arm and that’s when your sweet boyfriend Kyubin looked up at you with teary eyes. Your heart sank a bit seeing him like this.

You wondered if he was capable of having a panic attack. Was he having one right now? What was going on in that brain of his. His eyes shifted around the room his bottom lip quivering. He shook his head before finally meeting your eyes.

“I don’t know. I don’t know I- something just came over me like I was turning into some animal and and I couldn’t stop myself. It was like I was in a trance.” Kyubin’s hands were shaking and you quickly grabbed them and ran circles over the back of his hands with your thumbs. Clear tears fell down Kyubin’s cheeks every time he blinked. His eyes kept looking down and around the room. “I don’t know what came over me. I don’t know if I was in the moment and just wanted to have you because I was feeling impatient. I don’t know if I was frustrated with you for not trusting me and I just wanted to force you to get intimate..”

You placed one of your hands against Kyubin’s cheek so his head would stay in one place. You didn’t say anything because you knew Kyubin wasn’t done talking so you just listened trying your best not to choke up over his words and stay calm for him. This was something you’d never seen from Kyubin. He was showing a very shy and vulnerable side of him and you needed to be there for him in this moment.

“When I saw the horrified look in your eyes and you pushed me away I couldn’t deal with myself I don’t know why I did what I did. I don’t know why I hurt you and took advantage of you like that when I knew that you were not ready for anything like that. I knew you were hurting and I’m so so sorry that I just turned into a monster that night. I wanted to hold you immediately and explain everything and apologize and I wanted you to be ok but I wanted to give you space. I felt horrible and I still do. I’m sorry darling I really am.” You scooted a bit closer to wrap your arms around Kyubin. He was warm and smelled nice and he found it comforting to be held in your arms for once. “Kyubin, I trust you more than anyone in my life. When you did that I was worried that you got tired of waiting for me and you felt like you had to rush it. It was scary Kyubin. You won’t lose control like that tonight. Will you?” You whispered choking up.

Kyubin quickly pulled away from you holding your face in his hands. “No. No absolutely not, I will never pull anything like that ever again my love I promise you I never will. No tonight I will take care of you and it will be much different from what happened then I promise. I never want to hurt you like that again.” Kyubin slightly rubbed his nose against yours both of you now in tears from the talk. You were now confident and even more trusting of Kyubin. You slowly pressed your lips into his. It was sudden but Kyubin slowly relaxed his body one of his hands staying on your cheek the other gently twirling some of your hair around his finger before placing that hand on your upper arm. His lips were so soft and warm on yours. It felt good and calming and you were very much enjoying this kiss.

Kyubin slowly pulled away and looked into your eyes before kissing you again. A little longer this time. You let your hand roam up his chest where they found home in his beautiful hair. You didn’t pull on his hair but you did run your hand through it feeling his soft locks in between your fingertips. The kiss was so sweet and he was so gentle. Pulling away slowly blushing just to go back in and taste your lips over and over. Kyubin loved the way you small lips molded into his. He kept the kiss at a gentle and slow pace just enjoying this new moment for both of you. He was finally kissing his pretty girl like this for the first time. It made his heart swell up. When he pulled away again he looked at you. Your bottom lip curling in to become trapped between your teeth. The pink on your cheeks making you look even more adorable.

Your eyes looked up at him. Kyubin’s heart was pounding so loud he was sure you could hear it. Without another thought you kissed Kyubin a little more intensely. Your hands were now placed on his chest, your fingers curling to grip his shirt. Kyubin was taken aback when you slowly pushed your tongue into his mouth. Parting his lips as your soft tongue touched his. Kyubin was in another world. He could’ve gotten drunk off of this kiss. He tested the waters, pushing your tongue back with his it was his turn to enter your mouth. Kyubin could’ve sworn he heard a faint moan as his tongue moved around your soft and small mouth. Both your eyes were shut so tight just enjoying the moment and each other. This continued, letting each other explore one another’s mouths with their tongues feeling how soft y/n’s mouth was and the way her tongue tickled when it entered Kyubin’s. You finally both pulled away a trail of saliva connecting her tongue to yours. Kyubin wanted to go back in but he held back. His love was a bit out of breath and he wanted her to let him know how she felt before he went any further. She was so so pretty like this Kyubin really couldn’t help imagining what she might look like all fucked out just for him. Her soft tongue hanging out slightly, the rise and fall of her chest, the sparkly haze in her eyes and of course the color of pink or maybe red on her face from it all. Kyubin pushed that thought to the back of his mind. “How was it? How are you feeling right now?” He asked softly. He had to catch his breath as well. Kyubin had never been so excited over a kiss before. He could honestly say it took his breath away.

“It was perfect.” you said in a low whisper. You were so nervous to look into Kyubin’s eyes as your face was so warm from all this blushing. “I- I like the way you kiss. I like your lips, a lot.” you tucked a fallen strand of hair behind your ear before looking up at Kyubin. He was smiling so wide and his cheeks almost matched with the same shade of pink as yours. “I’m glad. I like your lips too. Nice and soft.” Kyubin leaned into you again giving you a quick kiss on the nose before going back to your lips. It was another slow kiss, you could feel butterflies in your stomach you were so excited to be kissing him. It felt unreal for you. You were in heaven right now and it was only from his lips. You felt both of Kyubin’s hands gently hold your sides and you jumped a bit breaking the kiss. You looked down and back up at Kyubin.

“I’m sorry. Is it okay if I touch you? Did that make you uncomfortable? Kyubin asked worry in his voice. He looked into your eyes watching for a reaction. You gave a small smile. “It’s okay, I’m alright.” Kyubin nodded and placed his hands back on your side holding you. You found yourself moving your hands up to cup his face, gently rubbing your thumbs against his soft skin. His hands felt so warm and comforting on your hips. You both pulled away only for a second before Kyubin shifted a little closer to you. One hand held the back of your neck and his other hand rested against the small of your back. As his arm snaked around behind you and his fingers touched the skin on the back of your neck a shiver went up your spine. It was a new feeling for you. You felt very warm and giddy.

You two continued to kiss slowly, allowing Kyubin to place his hands on different places on your body like your thighs and arms. He kept coming back to place his hands on your hips though and it made you smile against his lips. Kyubin pulled away once again now placing both his hands on your arms slowly rubbing up and down your skin. You were getting used to his touch and were ready to move on. “Is it okay if I take your shirt off?” he asked. ‘uh oh,’ you thought. ‘were you gonna back out now? after you made it so far already?’ Kyubin sensed your hesitation as your arms immediately hugged your stomach. You slowly nodded your head. “Yes, you can.” you said moving your hands away from you raising them up above your head. You were blushing more and more as this was continuing. You had so many feelings in you and it was hard to contain them all.

Kyubin took the bottom of your shirt and very slowly took it off of you and set it on the bed. Kyubin’s entire expression changed upon seeing you, his eyes lit up and he smiled for the umpteenth time that night. Kyubin was like a smiling vending machine. It made you smile despite the nerves. It was natural for you to cover yourself and so when your hand went to cover your bra and stomach Kyubin was patient with you.

“Look at me y/n.” he said in that sexy dominant yet gentle tone. His hands grasped yours slowly moving them from your body. He held them in is on your thighs. “This is big step for you isn’t it? There’s no need to cover up okay? Look at you, you are absolutely gorgeous.” Kyubin eyed you taking in your light pink bra and the little bit of fat that sat around your waist. Kyubin wanted to squeeze you so bad. “You’re so cute babe.”

“B-but I’m fat..please don’t say such things Kyubin.” you wanted to cry more but you were so tired of crying. Kyubin smiled at you letting go of your hands and placed them on your stomach and then moving them to your hips again. You inhaled sharp, your eyelashes fluttered as Kyubin suddenly leaned down to press his lips to your stomach. His lips felt nice on your stomach, he was slow just like he had been so far. Each kiss causing your heart to skip a beat. You didn’t say anything as you just let Kyubin kiss you. He moved up to your shoulders leaving a trail of light pecks up and along your collarbone. You tilted your head to the side so he could get your neck which caused a shiver to shoot up your spine.

“You’re perfect you know that? Absolutely perfect.” Kyubin hugged you close as he kept kissing your neck. You almost felt lightheaded or dizzy because his lips felt so good on your skin. “Kyubin,” you spoke up pulling yourself back a bit. He stopped and looked up at you. “What’s wrong? Do you want to stop?” you shook your head and let out a big breath. “It’s just a lot of feelings and things. You know? Your lips feel so good and I feel them all over me and I get a little dizzy or something. A-and my stomach turns, l-like butterflies and and..” you trailed off.

“Do you want to take a break? Do you need some water?” He questioned grabbing your hands again, intertwining his fingers with yours. You shook your head. “Can I take your shirt off?” you asked Kyubin. When he nodded you squeaked out of excitement. Your hands were shaking trying to fiddle with the buttons on Kyubin’s silk shirt but when you slipped it down his shoulders revealing his chest and toned arms and abs you were in awe. Of course you had seen Kyubin multiple times without a shirt, the man worked out for fucks sake but in this context it felt so much different. Kyubin took his shirt off the rest of the way placing it next to yours as you stared at him.

“Hey, it’s not nice to stare.” he laughed petting your hair. “I’m sorry, your just..well..you’re so pretty Kyu.” You were in a trance as your hands slowly touched Kyubin’s abs, your fingertips on his warm skin moving up to his chest and feeling his biceps and just touching his beautiful skin. You rested one hand on his shoulder leaning towards him raising up a bit, as he was taller than you even while sitting down, and you left light and soft kisses on his neck. You heard a faint moan come out of him which caused you to giggle. “You’re doing so good love. Your lips feel so good.” By now you were starting to feel as though things weren’t progressing fast enough. It had probably been maybe two hours and you still had most of your clothes on. You laughed a bit confusing your boyfriend. “Um..” you began becoming confident enough to reach into the back and start unclipping your bra. Whoever made bras that clip in the back can go to hell cause you were embarrassing yourself trying get the damn thing off. You sighed in defeat. “Stupid bra.” you mumbled. Kyubin let out a light laugh seeing you trying so hard and going nowhere. You started to laugh as well which helped shake more nerves off.

“Do you want me to get it?” You nodded and Kyubin slowly unhooked your bra. He let you hold it up until you were ready to take it off and when you did he acted like an excited puppy. You could barely get the bra on the bed before he quickly pulled you in a tight hug.

“Kyubin? Are you okay?” you asked. He was so confusing sometimes. “You’re so cute I can’t believe it. Look at you y/n!” his tone was full of excitement, smiling from ear to ear. How many times was he going to smile so wide tonight? You giggled as he pulled away to look at you. “You’re doing so good I’m so proud of you! You’re so so beautiful I love you.”

Kyubin had never been so excited in his entire life it was like unwrapping the best present ever. Kyubin took your hands in his and kissed the back of them while looking up at you with his beautiful eyes. “You’re so excited Kyubin..do I look okay?” you were happy that Kyubin was in such a good mood but you were still shy about this whole situation.

Kyubin smiled and went in for another kiss. This kiss felt different. His body was touching yours, you could feel his skin on yours, and knowing that you were bare from the waist up made the kiss feel dirty and rebellious. Your hand found home in Kyubin’s soft locks once again as you two enjoyed an extra long kiss your tongues very gently touching and rubbing against each other. You even got Kyubin’s breath to hitch when you playfully bit his bottom lip for the first time. Kyubin couldn’t stop smiling he was totally over the moon right now. The fact that he was so happy, not rushing you and treating you so well and he wasn’t even in your pants yet not only gave you a huge boost of confidence but it made you feel so much more safe and loved by him. You couldn’t ask for anything better than this moment.

He placed more kisses on your neck and shoulders, rubbing your back, petting you hair and stopping to hold you in his arms. The only thing he seemed to forget was answer your question. “Kyubin, you didn’t answer me.” you said firmly. He stopped and looked up at you raising one eyebrow. You rolled your eyes and smiled. “I asked you if I looked ok..you know..here.” you gestured to your chest. Kyubin frowned for the first time in a while. “What do you mean love, of course you look okay, you look perfect. Why?” You started to fiddle with your fingers again. The realization of reality was starting to kick in. You were half naked in front of your boyfriend and you were going to have sex with him tonight. Which meant he would see your entire body and watch and listen as your body did things it’s never done before. What if he didn’t like it. Did he even like your breasts?

As always Kyubin sensed an uneasy feeling and got all serious but still loving. “Y/n my love, what’s going on in this pretty little head of yours? Do you want to stop. Nothing is set in stone, we don’t have to do this tonight you have the wheel here-”

“Do you like my breasts?” you blurted out cutting Kyubin off. You were so tired of crying but you started again tears quickly filling up to your waterline and running fast down your cheeks. Kyubin’s face softened and he sighed. Once again Kyubin grabbed your hands to hold in his rubbing the back of them to help calm you down. “I mean, like, do they look okay? Are they too gross or small or something?” you reached up and lightly slapped them in a disgusted way and Kyubin picked up on that and pulled your hands away. “Y/n stop. Stop thinking so negatively about yourself. It hurts my heart every time you bring up an insecurity and ask me if I’m okay with it. You know that I love you. I tell you everyday and if it doesn’t feel like I do then I need to make sure it is crystal clear that I do. Have I ever said that I didn’t like your body? Have I ever told you that your aren’t good enough?”

You shrugged meeting Kyubin’s eyes with yours. Wiping away some of your own tears you sighed. “No but I can’t help feeling the way I do. I don’t know Kyu, I just feel like I’m not good enough for you. I wish I was sexy you know? I want to be super skinny and have great boobs like other girls and I want men to look at me, and I want to be flirted with and I want to feel good in revealing clothing. Don’t you want that for me?” You lowered your head your eyes just focusing on the bedspread. Kyubin grabbed your chin and raised it up so you were looking at him. His expression told you he was not happy. Why did your stupid feelings have to get in the way and ruin everything? It was going good until it wasn’t.

“I don’t want you to be skinny and look like every other girl I’ve ever dated. I want you to look like you. I want you to have more to yourself then just looks. I don’t want you ever thinking you need to look a certain way to please me or any other man and I sure as hell don’t want you thinking a man will only want you if you are skinny and have the body of every damn super model on the runways today. You’ve watched those shows, you know they go through harsh and unhealthy diets to get that skinny. it’s not fair on your body or mind to push yourself to be at an unhealthy weight.”

“But I’m fat.”

“You are a healthy weight. You are not in danger of any health risks or death, you are perfectly healthy. Yes you have some chub, yes you are not a twig but I don’t care. I don’t care if your boobs are the size they are now or if they are the size of a fucking peanut babe, honestly. You’re hurting yourself with this mindset that you are not enough. You are more than enough. I love you from the inside out. Every single part of your body, every vein, stretch mark, hair, and everything in between. It’s always about how you make me feel that I love about you. You could wake up one day and be purple with yellow polka dots and I would still love you. You have a good heart, a good personality. You are sweet and make me laugh and you are just perfect in every way I can think of.” he cupped the side of your face wiping away more tears as they continued to fall down your face.”I’m sorry Kyu.” you spoke up reaching for his wrist with your hand.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I know this is really hard for you and I know it’s going to take some time but I promise I am going to be with you every single step of the way. I am your number one fan darling. You should never ever compare yourself with others. You know they could be feeling the same way as you. Just because you aren’t a certain way that you think is the standard does not mean that I will love you any less. I chose you over so many others.”

Kyubin rubs his nose to yours and places a quick kiss to your lips. “I want nothing more than for you to love your body and be confident and enjoy everything life has to offer. You deserve every bit of happiness and I won’t let anything get in the way of that. I don’t care how many times I will give you this talk, I will continue to do so as long as I live I swear to you. You can’t make me not love you or fall in love with you anymore than I already have. Y/n, you know I’m just head over heels in love with everything about you.” You smile and hug Kyubin.

“Do you still feel like continuing? You seem very tired. Do you want to call it a night?” You violently shook your head. “No, please Kyu, I want this. I want you tonight please..I just need to work this out.”

“I’m with you all the way love.” Kyubin was so sweet you could throw up. What did you do to deserve such a great and wonderfully sweet boyfriend like him? “Shall we continue?” Kyubin asked. You were ready to feel Kyubin’s warm and comforting touch again. It was quiet for a little bit, you two just stared into each others eyes, you loved the way Kyubin’s eyes sparkled so bright. His eyes were so pretty. “Can I touch you here?” he broke the silence gesturing to your chest. Your heart was pounding so hard you thought it might jump to your throat. “Yes, yes Kyubin..please.” your tone of voice and confirmation in the form of asking surprised Kyubin and he wondered if you were starting to get aroused.

Warm hands gently cupped each breast holding them for awhile letting you get used to them being touched and held. You were nervous sweating and it was in fact more embarrassing than having your boyfriend hold your breasts. Kyubin looked up at you for a silent approval. Despite him saying you needed to use your words some things you both understood with just the look in your eyes. Kyubin gently squeezed one breast in his hand causing a light gasp to fall from your lips. His hands were so warm and felt even better on your breasts then when they were on your hips. He took his time playing with your breasts. Squeezing and pushing them together, paying special attention to the pretty noises you made. He made eye contact with you as his fingers pinched and rolled the nipple on you left breast. You gasped again flinching slightly at the new sensation.

“Kyubin, h-how’d you get s-so confident. You know, with yourself?” You asked while he was working your nipple into a point. His fingers were so delicate and and did such a good job of applying just the right amount of pressure. “I just kinda trained myself I guess. Tried my very best to work on myself and not let the comments of other’s get to me.” He was so good at multitasking it was blowing your mind. You were itching to found out what else he could do with his fingers. Your thoughts were becoming too dirty but you couldn’t help it. You had never felt this way before. Kyubin’s touches were literally heaven. He knew how to make you squirm under him and it made you wonder all the things he could do to you with his co-”

“Ahh Kyu~” your thoughts were cut off as you felt his wet tongue touch your right nipple, his fingers still rolling at your left nipple. Like a new reflex you grabbed Kyubin’s head with your right hand and held him in place as his tongue licked and played around with your nipple. You could feel him smiling and feel what you only assumed was arousal pool between your legs. You had no idea what this feeling was inside you but you were getting tingles all over your body, your head, the back of your neck, up your spine and even between your legs. You couldn’t control how red your face was now, the more Kyubin sucked the more vocal you got. He switched to your left nipple doing the same thing. He himself started to gently moan and hum to get you more in the mood and help again to make you feel more comfortable. The moment his teeth grazed at your nipple you let out the prettiest moan Kyubin had ever heard. You fell back on the bed breathing heavy, closing your legs as fast as you could. It was overwhelming what you were feeling but you were just so excited and you wanted more.

“Are you alright love?” Kyubin asked leaning over you watching some fresh tears roll down your cheeks. “Yes, yes I’m good-d oh my god Kyubin.” You laid on the bed trying to catch your breath as Kyubin laid himself beside you stroking the side of your face and lightly grazing his fingertips down your stomach, up your thighs and around your arms. “You just let out the most cute and gorgeous little moan ever you know that? I’ve never heard anything sound so angelic it was like music to my ears.” You blushed still as if you weren’t red enough. You looked into Kyubin’s eyes again. Biting your lower lips you pulled Kyubin into you grabbing locks of his hair and holding on as you kissed him a little more intensely letting yourself moan into his mouth. Kyubin’s hands pressed themselves into the mattress his body hovering above you. You gasped sharply when you felt his lower region just touch yours.

You pulled your boyfriend closer to you resting your face against his neck as you let your body take over while your brain was disconnected for a bit. You bucked your hips up once against Kyubin’s groin causing your thighs to shudder at the feeling. You squeezed your eyes tightly moaning into his neck as you did it once more hearing Kyubin’s breathing pick up. You let go of Kyubin and he kept his entire body hovered above yours for a little bit. “I-I’m sorry um..I was..” you trailed off embarrassed by what you just did.

“Can I asked you something?” Kyubin gets off of you and lays next to you again. When he says yes you turn to him. You run your fingers up and down his arms tracing small circles on his bicep. “Have you had sex with your previous partners?” You said partners as you weren’t sure if Kyubin played for both teams or not. “I have, yes. Why do you ask?”

You pouted a bit. “Were they any good? Like..did you enjoy one over the other?”

“Are you asking if I compared them? No I didn’t. All of my sexual experiences differ with each partner. A lot of times it was very simple and very..I guess you could say pleasant but I had a few moments that weren’t as good. You should never compare partners though y/n. Each partner is different and enjoys different things.”

“Were they all girls?” you questioned softly feeling like you maybe overstepped your boundaries. Kyubin started laughing. “Is that why you said partners? Yes they were all girls. I’m not aware of having sex with other men.” Kyubin twirled a lose strand of your hair around his finger.

“Do you want to? Have sex with men?” You blurted out. Kyubin laughed again. “It’s not for me at the moment. Well, I mean. I’ve only been interested in woman so far. Why do you ask babe? Do you have a fantasy you want to act out, I’m sure I’d be open to something.” You felt your cheeks heat up again and you quickly raised up on the bed.

“No, no no I uh..I just thought maybe um..it might not be satisfactory compared to the other girls. What if I’m not good at it?” Kyubin raised up next to you placing his hand on the small of your back. “Darling, what did I tell you about comparing yourself to others. It’s not fair for me to say who I prefer out of my partners nor compare them to you. I can guarantee having sex with you will be satisfactory for both of us. Don’t worry about the past okay. The present is with you and taking care of you and making sure you enjoy yourself tonight alright love?” Kyubin pressed a kiss to your forehead. Now lay back on those pillow okay, we’re gonna go to the next step.” Kyubin playfully winked and you had to bite back a squeal.

When you had settled yourself in the pillows Kyubin leaned over you his mouth reconnecting to one of your breasts. While his mouth was busy his hand was gently squeezing your breast and playing with your nipple. You let him do as he pleased breathing in the light and fresh perfume he always wore. Having him right under your nose helped you to relax. A few times you flinched when his teeth came in contact with your nipple because you weren’t used to his lips and teeth on such places on your body but he was going slow and carefully listening to each sound you made.

He stopped and looked up at you when you started laughing. “I’m glad to see you in a good mood but what’s so funny?” he asked raising his brow. You reached up to cover your face feeling embarrassed for laughing. “I’m sorry it just kinda tickles.” Kyubin smiled at you a chuckle leaving him.

“You’re so cute love.” Kyubin shook his head and went back to giving your nipple attention. Then he went to the other one leaving pecks around your breasts and up to your collarbone. Your hand found his hair and started petting him. His hair was so soft you wanted to ruffle it and maybe even pull on it but you didn’t want him to accidently bite your nipple off. His lips went down in between your breasts going to your stomach. He kissed your stomach like he did earlier with your lips. Soft and gentle and passionately. “You’re so beautiful. Your stomach is so cute.” he reached for your side and squeezed it a bit. As his lips went down further your heart started beating 80 miles a minute. But then you sighed as he went back up your body and to your lips. You loved his lips on yours it made you so happy to just kiss him and he was such a good kisser. Of course you hadn’t kissed anyone else before but you were very confident that Kyubin was the best.

Kyubin pulled away looking down at you as he held his body above you. Some of his hair fell around his eyes and you gently tucked it back behind his ear looking into his eyes. Your eyes then followed as your hand moved down along his skin touching his neck and chest and then down his arm. You smiled as Kyubin mirrored your actions. “Kyu, you’re so pretty and handsome. I like when you kiss me. Your lips feel good, they feel warm and comforting.” You grabbed one of his hands to intertwine your fingers with his sending Kyubin’s heart to flutter. He gave you a small smile. “I’m glad you like it. I like kissing you too. I think we should definitely kiss more often.” You nodded at his response and he got off of you and moved to the foot of the bed.

“Are we doing that now?” you asked thinking he was ready to move on to the actual sex. Kyubin placed both his hands at your ankles rubbing your legs up and down til he came to your thighs. “Not yet. Can I take your shorts off or do you want to?” You shrugged. You were pretty comfortable right now and you didn’t feel like getting off the bed, taking them off then getting back on the bed. “You do it..I’ll watch.” Your comment made Kyubin smile the color pink finding it’s way on his cheeks. He placed his fingers on the waistline of your shorts. “Ah love these shorts are so cute. They are so soft, are you sure you want me to take them off?” you only giggled. “Of course I do Kyu.” He nodded and you raised your hips up so he could get them down your legs. When they were off your hands quickly glued themselves over your underwear.

“It okay. Relax.” Kyubin didn’t move your hands away or tell you to move them he just went down and started leaving small pecks and love bites on your thighs humming as he did so. His hair falling in his face and sweeping against your thighs tickled and you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing again. You felt his lips curve up smiling as he continued to kiss your thighs. His hands held your waist or traced circles on your thighs. You were getting used to his hands on your body and they were so warm against you. You wanted to touch him yourself so you started to run your hands through his hair and against the skin by his neck and shoulders. You raised up off the bed leaning on one elbow. Kyubin held out his hand and you took it is his kissing the back of it. He continued to kiss along your thighs while your hands were out of the way.

You gasped as his lips landed on top of your underwear. He was kissing your panties but they way you could feel the touch from under the cloth had the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Kyubin raised up and starting laughing. “I just got the chills and you have goosebumps on your legs. Are you getting cold?” you shook you head. “No, I’ve just..you know. Never had someone kiss me..there before.” Kyubin nodded taking in your response before he asked you the next question. This time your face was beat red heartbeat just going. “You can yes, but you have to take your pants and panties off too. You playfully crossed your arms sending Kyubin into a fit of laughter.

“Of course I will and I don’t wear panties I wear boxers.”

“Well why can’t I say panties?” you laughed back. Kyubin shook his head giving you a quick kiss to your cheek. “You’re so damn adorable my heart might actually explode.”

“It better not before you get those pants off mister.” you stated pointing a finger at him. Kyubin got off the bed standing at the foot before he took off his belt. Unbuttoning his blue jeans your breath got caught in your throat watching them slide down his waist seeing a slight raise underneath his boxers. “Cute panties Kyu~” you cooed making him smile. You scooted to the foot of the bed your legs tucked under you watching with big eyes as Kyubin slowly slid his boxers down. When he raised up to toss his hair back your lip pulled back in between your teeth. “Oh my god.” you mumbled. Kyubin did that thing that every heartthrob does with his hair before crawling onto the bed. You scooted back as he crawled forward your eyes were glued to his dick. You watched as it bounced around almost like it was waving to you. “Now it’s your turn my love.” he teased.

“Y-you d-do it.” you stuttered. You tried to ask yourself where your thoughts were but they were too busy running around your mind prison screaming like chickens with their heads cut off. You could not take your eyes off Kyubin’s dick. You were mesmerized by it. Kyubin sat on his knees and gently slid your panties off. You once again covered yourself. Kyubin said nothing as his gaze was locked on you. In fact he didn’t need to say anything because you knew what he was thinking. You didn’t need to cover yourself anymore and at this point you didn’t want to. You were moving forward. When your hands moved away from your lower region Kyubin kissed you on the lips again. Every kiss was so nice and warm you could go all night just kissing. It was like every kiss to your lips was a thank you and a praise from Kyubin.

“Can I kiss you down here?” Kyubin asked his face inches from your skin his eyes looking up at you. You giggled a bit feeling the air from his nose tickle. “Yeah, yeah.” you couldn’t stop giggling, something just came over you and the thought of Kyubin kissing you down there was making you laugh. You had never thought of it before but the concept was kind of funny and strange. You covered your face with your hands trying to muffle your laughter.

Kyubin had your legs spread and was hunched over you his lips gently kissing his way around your lady parts. You felt his hot breath and it tickled. “You’re so giggly tonight babe. How cute.” You took your hands off your face when you felt Kyubin’s lips go lower. You eyes went wide as his lips kissed your lower lips. Only for a few seconds before Kyubin raised up. “How was it?” you asked him.

“It was good..could use a little salt though.” you burst out laughing Kyubin joining you. “Do you have enough pillows?” He asked you. You nodded and let out a comfortable sounding sigh. After a few more kisses and approval from you Kyubin used his fingers to touch your lower lips and get you used to him down there. His hands were so warm it felt relaxing but when his thumb gently rubbed against your clit you flinched. “Is something wrong? Should I slow down?”

“No everything is fine I guess I was just surprised. Um..have you ever used sex toys?” The question took Kyubin a bit by surprised. You looked a bit embarrassed to be honest. “oh, well I suppose I have a few times yeah. How about you?” Kyubin just rubbed your skin around your lips, he didn’t want to fingerblast you just yet he wanted you to be comfortable with his hands and fingers toying with you before they entered you.

“I’ve mostly just tried to use my fingers. I’ve been kind of afraid to use sex toys. I don’t think they are for me you know?” Kyubin’s hands stopped touching you and he scratched his head.

“In past relationships I never messed around with a lot of sex toys. When I did use them on my partners it was usually either a dildo or vibrator. For the most part they just liked me using my hands and things.”

“So you never did like nipple clamps or got kinky with a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs?” at this you and Kyubin both burst out laughing again. Kyubin shook his head. “No I think a lot of my partners were really sensitive so I didn’t want to use anything out of their comfort zone and a lot of them told me the same thing as you that that were a bit intimidating for a first time use.”

“Would you ever use a vibrating butt plug? or maybe a strap on?” you blurted out beginning to laugh again. Kyubin raised an eyebrow. “Like on myself or a partner?” He looked so confused it was so cute. You shrugged. “Probably not.” You two talked some more about different sex toys and what you two might want to try together and then you moved on. You moved on so much in fact that you had now allowed Kyubin to start stretching you out with his fingers. He went slow as he slipped one finger at a time into you moving them slowly and gently in and out of your vagina. You felt his finger glide along your walls, curling every now and again and it made light moans roll off your tongue.

“How does it feel? Am I doing okay?” Kyubin asked. He was angling everything so perfect your hips just had a mind of their own. “Yes, it’s perfect Kyubin, it’s so good.” You hadn’t even had his dick inside you yet and you were at a loss for words. He had magic in his hands. Your mind wondered what it would be like to have him finger you in the shower. You kept making these pretty moans and Kyubin was getting so excited. When he asked if he could use his tongue you choked out a yes thinking about how good it might feel down there knowing how good his tongue felt in your mouth.

He repositioned himself on his knees, his mouth lined up with your entrance. He held you his arms wrapped around your thighs keeping them spread as his tongue slowly licked up and around your folds. His kissing started out slow but it became messy pretty quickly. Running his tongue around your clit, his lips roamed around you, his humming sending vibrations inside you that made so many noises escape you. Little gasps every time his tongue went inside your vagina, soft moans when he started to suck your clit that became more loud and filled with need. Your thighs felt kind of like jelly and your breathing was heavy as he made you feel so good. You couldn’t put into words what you were feeling, you couldn’t tell him how he was doing you were so breathless and you couldn’t think about anything at the moment.

The way his warm tongue just went everywhere and then his fingers pushed inside you. You sighed now feeling his tongue and lips and fingers down there. The sensation was indescribable. Your hands moved on their own to find his hair and your pulled his locked which made him moan and that vibrated through you. There was so much he was doing and you were starting to feel like maybe you were going to faint. You had a strange feeling in your stomach and you stuttered trying to find your words. Kyubin stopped when you made a small squeak.

“What happened? Are you alright darling?” Kyubin sat up and came to your side his hand grabbing yours. You smiled at him face all pink. “I’m fine. I’m okay, it was, well I’ve never felt that feeling before. You’ve got magic in you Kyubin, it felt so amazing but I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I don’t know I felt strange.” Kyubin nodded and kissed you again. “And and the sounds coming from down there..they sound so..” you cut yourself off. Lewd was the word you were looking for but you were embarrassed to tell him that. Embarrased to admit that you were turned on and how you felt wet down there and how dirty it felt and sexy to have Kyubin’s entire face down there eating you out. It was a whole new experience and it took your breath away truly. You looked up into Kyubin’s eyes and quietly spoke up. “You make me feel..really g-good. I’m embarrased thinking of such thoughts.”

Kyubin was laying against the bed and you had an idea. You sat up on your knees and started at Kyubin’s erection. “Kyubin,” You started as you reached for his dick. After he treated you so well you wanted to return the favor but when he pulled back you got confused. You scooted closer to him and tried again but he pulled your hand away. “Kyubin what’s wrong? Why won’t you let me touch you?” Negative thoughts started to form in your head. What if he didn’t want you touching him cause he thought you were gross? What if he was taking advantage of you and didn’t want to be touched by you because he wanted control over you? He was your boyfriend, everything leading up to this had been so good and trusting. What happened? You looked at Kyubin’s body language. He wouldn’t look at you, his hair falling in his face again.

“Kyubin..it’s not fair. Why won’t you let me touch you. I’ve put all my trust in you tonight and I would think you would do the same. Why don’t you want me touching you? Am I not good enough?” You held back the tears this time waiting for him to respond. “It’s not that..” Kyubin gave a shy smile. “All my previous partners knew how and..you don’t have any experience.” You furrowed your brows. “So because I have no sexual experience with another person means I can’t try? Kyubin that’s mean how could you? I can’t believe this.”

You went to get off the bed but Kyubin grabbed your wrist. “No y/n it’s not like that I swear. I just want tonight to be all about you. I swear I have no bad intentions. I would never do that to you. Please trust me.” Kyubin sighed letting you go. “Love, I know what it sounds like. I didn’t want to have you do anything tonight cause I thought since this was already a lot for you it would be too overwhelming for you to please me. I wanted you to be comfortable receiving everything tonight. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.” Kyubin’s eyes were sad. He was telling the truth and you mentally kicked yourself for ever thinking he was a bad man. He proved all night that he was the best man ever and you had to stop doubting him. It wasn’t fair on him.

“I’m sorry. I just thought you’d want something. You’ve treated me so well tonight I wanted to return to favor. I know I don’t know what to do or how but you can teach me. Please Kyubin? I want to try.” You let Kyubin sit for a bit before you reached for his hand. After a little longer he nodded.

“Okay. You’re right it’s not fair and if you want to make me feel good tonight you should.” Kyubin pulled your hand over his cock and you let out an unexpected gasp as your fingers wrapped around his shaft. You were choking back your excitement, your hand was touching Kyubin’s dick and it made you giggle. Kyubin kept his hand on top of yours.

“W-what do I do now?” You looked at him and he was smiling. He moved your hand up and down his dick slowly. You squealed a bit in excitement. Your eyes were wide as he gently guided you up and down his shaft.

“Good good. J-just like that. That’s good.” Kyubin’s eyelids fluttered and his chest was starting to raise. You bit your bottom lip looking back and forth between Kyubin and his dick. Kyubin took his hand off of yours and let you take control. With each stroke you sped up and with each stroke you got more excited and turned on hearing Kyubin’s breathing speed up and his moans.

“Kyubin you’re so cute.” You moaned out. You slowed down a bit and swiped your thumb over his slit feeling his precum on your thumb. You felt Kyubin jerk his hips up. When you looked over at him his head was pushing back into the pillow his stomach muscles and arms muscles and really his whole body tightening. His bottom lips was in between his teeth and the image of your boyfriend becoming a mess to your touch like this gave you a small boost of confidence. You smiled and spoke softly as your fingers gently rubbed his tip playing with the cum. You watched it drip down your fingers and you jerked your hand up and down his shaft again coming all the way up to the tip to swipe your thumb over his slit again.

“Am I doing a good job baby? Your cock is so pretty Kyu. You look so cute.” You giggled as Kyubin jerked his hips up again and started thrusting into your hand.

“Fuck, yes baby it feels amazing. You’re doing so g-good fuck.” The way he was acting got you so excited and you sped up again. He let out a loud moan and you felt his hand grab your thigh as he came. You jumped a bit as the cum shot out flying onto his thigh and the sheets. You felt it in your hand and something clicked in your brain that told you to lower yourself down to his cock.

When you went to open your mouth just inches away from his tip, mouth salivating the desire to lick up his cum and suck him off with your mouth, he moved your head out of the way. Confused you looked at him. He was still breathing heavy and to be honest he didn’t have the strength to even push that hard you just felt a gentle nudge. Kyubin’s eyes opened his cheeks pink his breathing still heavy. “That’s enough love. You d-don’t have to do that.”

“Kyubin I wanted to..” you were disappointed that he stopped you and he could hear it in your voice.

“I-I know baby. But you don’t have to. Maybe another time you can give me a blowjob. I promise we’ll have plenty of time to explore each other further okay?” Kyubin blinked his breathing slowing down. He leaned over to grab something on the floor. When he raised back up his shirt was in his hand. He took your hand and wiped his cum off you and then he cleaned his dick. You were a little sad that Kyubin seemed to want to stop.

“I just wanted you to feel good after you made me feel good.” You said wringing your hands again. You heard Kyubin sigh. When you looked at him he looked sad. He was probably internally beating himself up over stopping you.

“I know baby. Trust me you did such a wonderful job, you did make me feel good. You’re hands were so soft and so small and cute god I couldn’t stand it. If you gave me a blowjob..” Kyubin trailed off seeming embarrassed. Maybe he was so turned on it was overwhelming him. “Another time I promise. Another time I’ll let you wrap that pretty mouth around my cock.” As Kyubin was speaking you could hear the excitement in his voice.

You crawled on top of him and kissed him pushing your tongue into his mouth. He moaned in pleasure and you felt his cock harden up slowly against your thigh. “Let’s move on Kyubin please?” You asked pulling away from him. He smiled nodding. You two gently switched positions so he was over you again.

“Baby listen. Before I start I need you to listen to me. I am going to go slow and I am going to let you adjust because you’ve never had a dick in you before. It’s different from fingers you know.” As Kyubin was speaking to you he was holding the back of your thighs rubbing them with him thumbs. He was trying to help your nerves and help you relax. You’re breathing was already so heavy but Kyubin was here just like he promised. You felt safe with him. You felt warmth all throughout your body and your heart felt like it was going to burst out of love. You were spacing out as he spoke to you in such a sweet and gentle tone.

A warm hand cupping your cheek brought you back. “Hey love, listen okay. It’s important. This is going to hurt. It might hurt a lot. I’m going to go slow and if it hurts too much tell me and I’ll stop. It’s very important that you communicate with me during this part okay? I want you to be comfortable and safe. Please please speak up if you want to stop. I am in no rush, if tonight is not the right night that is okay. We can always try again later alright? Do you understand me?” He asked looking into your eyes. “Yes Kyubin.” You nodded.

“Okay, are you ready love?” You gave him another yes and he slowly lined his tip up to your entrance. You breathed in sharply, “wait wait wait,” you blurted out covering your eyes with your hands. All the emotions and all the nerves you had been holding in all night were coming out. You were terrified. You’re thoughts were running at 80 miles an hour. Was he going to care for you after? Was he going to leave you after? Were you only another virgin to his collection? Did he really have bad intentions and he’s lied to you your entire relationship? What if he pulls what he did in the shower again? Or worse? What if he gets you pregnant on purpose and leaves you and the baby? What if he doesn’t like you after he takes your virginity?

“What wrong? Did you change your mind?” Kyubin asked coming to sit next to you. You hesitated. “Um..Kyubin..can I ask how many times you’ve had sex with someone who was a virgin?” Kyubin cocked his head to the side and pondered for a bit. “I have. A few of the woman were virgins yes.”

“Did you only have sex with them?”

“Are you asking if I was in a relationship with them or not? I was. For a few years with some of them. Some only a few months. I was never the type to just hookup.” Kyubin carressed your cheek lightly with the back of his hand.

“Why did you break up with them? Was it because they were no longer virgins?” You started to tear up once again. Kyubin frowned at what you were hinting at. “No. Absolutely not. I am not like that. Often times they just got tired of being in a relationship. Sometimes I ended it because I felt like I wasn’t doing enough for them or I felt like they weren’t doing enough for me. They just ended up not working out for whatever reason. I did not break up with them because they were no longer virgins.”

“Oh.” You mumbled. “Y/n are you afraid I won’t love you anymore if you aren’t a virgin?” Kyubin sighed when you looked away more tears falling. “Darling look at me please.” When you did he reached up and wiped a tear away. “I am having sex with you because you are ready and because I love you very much and I want you to know how much and I want me and you to be able to share intimacy like this and explore each other’s bodies and make each other feel good. I want you to trust that I’ll take care of you no matter what. I am your rock. I will be here for you always. Even if you weren’t a virgin I’d still love you and still want to enjoy special things like sex with you and I’d still take care of you.”

Kyubin pulled you into him wrapping his arms around you. “Oh Kyubin.” Your heart was ready to leap out of your chest at his words. He really was the best man ever. Sweet, genuine, it made you want to cry out of happiness. “Since you are a virgin I need to make sure that your first time is okay for you. That’s why I told you in the very beginning that you had the wheel the entire time and that you needed to communicate with me with your words. I will do my absolute best to make sure you are comfortable and feel safe and loved. All the woman I’ve been with that were virgins were all different, all different experiences and I did everything I could to make it a good experience for them. I will do the exact same thing for you. Yes you are way more nervous than they were and a lot more scared but I’m ready to handle it and I’m ready to be here for you now and forever. I will always love you no matter what, you being a virgin or not has no effect on how much I love you and how far I will go to protect you and make sure that you feel okay mentally and physically before during and after this.” He ran his hands through your hair and brought your chin up to look at him.

“I love you Kyubin.” You said reaching up to kiss his lips. This kiss made your heart flutter so much. More than all the previous kisses. It felt like your lips were melting into each other. “Um Kyubin,” you spoke up trying to hold back your laughter when you realized he was about to go in raw. “Did you forget the condom?”

You busted up laughing when his eyes widened. “Oh shit hang on.” Kyubin got off the bed and pulled open the top drawer in the nightstand. He was shuffling around for awhile before coming back to the bed. “Ok, almost forgot.” It made you laugh some more. “Lay back and spread your legs for me please.” Kyubin asked softly as he tore open the small package and began rolling the condom on him. You smiled gushing over how sweet his tone was while speaking so lewdly. Kyubin speaking dirty to you made you feel giddy and made you want to let loose and take control but you didn’t want to get crazy for your first time.

Kyubin ran his hand through his hair his beautiful brown eyes looking into yours. “I’m nervous Kyubin.” You whispered. Your cheeks had been pink all night and you found the heat from your cheeks annoying. You wished he didn’t make you blush so hard it was crazy. Insane even with how crazy he made you. You could tell Kyubin was a little nervous too, his hands were a bit shaky as he reached for yours intertwining your fingers together.

“I know love. It’s okay to be nervous. I am too.” You raised your eyebrow confused. Kyubin chuckled. “I’m taking your virginity. I am nervous. I worry it won’t be a good experience for you or that I’ll accidentally hurt you. I want this to be good for you. I want to treat you so good and I’m worried that I might screw up.” Kyubin looked away saying nothing. You found it funny that he was so nervous as he’s had sex with other woman and taken their virginity. What was the difference?

“Kyubin,” You said sitting up on your elbows reaching for his face. You gently rubbed his cheek. “how am I any different from all your partners before me?” Kyubin was quiet for a moment his hand reaching up to hold yours as he leaned into your touch. His beautiful eyes looked up at you his beautiful lashes making his eyes even more beautiful. He smiled again.

“You’re so special to me y/n. So special. I just love you so so much and you make me so happy all the time and I want to take care of you and treat you right and you just make me so happy. I can’t describe how you make me feel. My heart is so happy every time I look at you..” Kyubin trailed off and you pulled him towards you bringing your lips to his. You felt the corners of his mouth curve up and it made you smile back. You kissed like this slow and sweet until you both pulled away. Then Kyubin laid you back on the bed and started kissing your lips again. He was so gentle but you could feel the want in his actions, how desperate he was to have you. His lips roamed down your neck and to the valley in between your breasts and down to your stomach. He gave your sides a few gentle squeezes and then he grabbed one of your hands to bring it up to his lips. As he kissed the back of your hand he looked up at you. You breathed in a shaky breath. Your heart had the zoomies.

“I’m ready for you Kyubin.” You giggled. He simply nodded and helped you spread you legs moving himself in between your thighs. He grabbed the lube that was sitting on the bed and put a generous amount on your hip bone. You quietly watched as he dipped his digits into you and you let out a soft moan. When Kyubin thought you were slippery enough he rubbed the rest of the lube on the condom and lined himself up to your entrance.

“I want you to breath okay. Just relax and let me know if you want me to stop.” With his free hand he held your side rubbing the skin with his thumb. You took a deep breath as Kyubin pushed himself into your entrance.

A sharp pain shot through you. He barely put his cock in you and you were squirming. Tears quickly formed with how fast you felt the pain. Kyubin was trying to calm you down by tracing circles on your thighs but you were in too much pain. “Baby I know it hurts I know I’m sorry. The pain with go away I promise.” Kyubin was feeling frantic as he never dealt with this before. He was scared he hurt you too much and he was staring to wonder if you pushed yourself too much and you actually weren’t ready for this. Kyubin started to sweat.

“Make it stop Kyu please it hurts!” Your breathing was off and your cheeks were red the tears coming out like waterworks. “Darling it will hurt if I pull out. I know it hurts I’m sorry love but just wait a bit and it won’t hurt as bad I promise you. Just breath ok, focus on your breathing. You don’t need to be hyperventilating right now.” Your hands were over your face clenching your teeth. Kyubin grabbed your hands and held them in his so you could squeeze them. Which you did. A lot. But Kyubin was a a strong man and you weren’t hurting him as much as he was you. His heart hurt knowing you were in pain and watching you cry over it. He knew how scared you were and seeing you like this made him sad. It made him want to stop and wrap you in his arms and just hold you until the tears stopped.

Kyubin figured it would hurt a lot less pulling out than staying in. “Okay I’m gonna pull out alright?” He said wiping some of your tears away.

“No, no Kyubin.” You cried some more. The pain was unbearable but you didn’t want to throw in the towel. You wanted him, you wanted this.

“But I hate seeing you in pain y/n. I don’t want you to cry you’ll get a horrible headache.” Kyubin was gentle in moving the hair out of your face and making sure you felt his touch hoping it would help calm you down.

“I know but please Kyubin. I want this and I know you’ll take care of me. Like you said the pain will go away and then I’ll be fine please Kyubin I want you, I want this. Please, it’s okay. Take my virginity Kyubin.” You were losing your damn mind over the pain the tears blurring your vision so much you could only see the outline of Kyubin’s head.

Kyubin was smiling at your words. He even felt a little dirty with the way you asked him to take your virginity. “Okay. Let me know what the pain subsides I’ll inch my way in. A little at a time we’ll go as slow as you want okay?” You nodded as you reached up to grab his lower arms.

You inhaled as Kyubin finally bottomed out. He had his entire cock inside you and you felt more stuffed than a Christmas dinner. You felt the way he rested inside your walls, filling you up all the way and you had to admit after all the pain went down it was a weird feeling to have something inside you. It made you feel a mix of aroused and embarrassed. “K-Kyu~” You cooed at him.

“Yes love?” Kyubin’s hands were placed on the mattress on either side of your head. His body was a few inches above yours his face just so close to you. His breathing was hot and heavy like yours and his eyes were so big and beautiful. His hair was in his face again and you cupped his face. He was so pretty like this and you had thoughts about you being on top of him. “Please move. M-make me f-feel good Kyu~” You stuttered the red still hanging out on your cheeks. Kyubin smiled leaning down further to kiss your lips.

Kyubin kept a good pace as he continuously thrusted in and out of you. All the pain was gone and what was complete fear of the unknown and worrying about everything had turned into the most wonderful and beautiful experience you could have ever dreamed of. Kyubin has been a doll throughout it all and you were so grateful to him. He didn’t just fuck you Kyubin was taking his time with you making sure you were comfortable and enjoying yourself. You two were making love both your bodies close and twisting around each other in sweet bliss. You loved the look in his eyes as you looked down at you, the bright sparkle warmed your heart. You loved the way his hair was bouncing around but also sticking to his forehead and you had to constantly move it out of his eyes. You loved the way he’d slow down to kiss your lips and all over your face and body, the way his hands felt in yours and on your body. It made you feel safe and loved. The way he would smile and comment such sweet things to you as if you needed a thousand more reasons to blush.

Everything was going so smooth and perfect. Suddenly your body felt like it was betraying you. You didn’t know how long he had been going but you got the feeling that maybe you were going to have an orgasm soon. Of course you didn’t know what one felt like or the feeling one gets before one happens and for some reason you didn’t want to. Your head felt strange like you were dizzy or your head felt heavy? you couldn’t really describe it. Your vision was not clear at all Kyubin’s face was so blurred you thought you were going blind. Your stomach felt like it was in multiple knots and each thrust felt more and more intense and amplified. Your heartbeat and quickened and when you tried to call out to your dear Kyubin you felt like you were drifting from him.

You started to panic, you tried to focus on your breathing like Kyubin had told you earlier but how could you when you weren’t even sure if breathing was gonna help. “Kyubin!” You cried out.

“Yes darling, you’re doing so good.” Kyubin’s pace sped up and you tried to move your hands but you felt weak. It took all your strength and focus to find Kyubin’s arm and gently squeeze it.

“Kyubin help something’s wrong Kyubin something’s happening!” You yelled out to him. Your vision was even more blurred now as you began to cry. You were completely freaking out and had no idea what to do. You felt him slow down a bit and felt his hand on your face. You knew he was still with you but it didn’t feel like it. It felt like he was getting farther from you and it scared you so much.

“Baby you’re okay, you’re just climaxing, you’re about to have an orgasm. Is it too much? Do you want me to stop?” You heard his voice and you understood what he was saying but your brain was somewhere else. “Y/n talk to me you have to talk to me okay? I can stop.”

“Kyubin you stay with me? Kyubin please..take me Kyubin.” You managed to blurt out your response. You saw a super blurry Kyubin nod.

“Yes my love I’m right here I’m not going anywhere. Do you want me to make you cum?” He asked. Your heart felt like it was bursting. You could only nod your head in response. “Squeeze my hand if you want to cum okay love, you have to respond.” With all your strength you could muster you squeezed his hand and by god that was all the man needed. Kyubin sped up back to the pace he was before and you felt every feeling again.

“Kyubin Kyubin!” You half screamed. “It’s okay to be scared love it’s okay. I’m right here I’m not letting you go.” Kyubin started to slow down and you felt the condom fill up with his cum and that’s what sent you over. All your senses seemed a thousand times more intense as this wild feeling washed over your entire body. You couldn’t describe it really. It was scary but it felt so good.

You let out multiple cries your entire body shaking like crazy. You feel Kyubin’s arms wrap around you his warm chest against yours. You feel his hair tickling your skin as both of you have your faces buried in each other’s necks. He is saying something to you, he’s repeating something you can hear it but your entire body is in such a place that you can no longer comprehend a thing. All you can feel is this incredible high and the warmth coming from Kyubin.

“It’s okay my love you are okay, you’re doing amazing.” You finally hear Kyubin’s words, his sweet whispers next to your ear sends more butterflies to your stomach and makes your heart swell up. “You’re okay you’re such a good girl you did so good. I’m so proud. I’m right here baby. I’ve got you, you’re safe.” As what you could only assume was you coming down from your life changing orgasm you started to become more aware of your surroundings; you saw Kyubin’s face clearly now his eyes looking into yours, you felt yourself holding his hands and you felt his soft and perfect lips meet yours. You would never ever get enough of those lips.

When Kyubin pulled away a bit his thumb reached down to wipe your tears and softly rub your cheek. “My beautiful girl.” Kyubin said rubbing his nose against yours. He kept praising you and whispering such sweet words into your ear you wondered if his words alone could make you cum. He made you feel so special and loved, it made you so happy in a way you’d never be able to describe. “I’m going to pull out okay? I’ll go slow.” Kyubin raised up a bit and with one hand held the condom so nothing came out and with the other rubbed your stomach to keep you calm in case him pulling out got you riled up again. Kyubin got off the bed to throw the condom away and then climbed back over you.

He gently moved your hair out of your face so you could see him clearly. He was smiling so wide he was glowing. It made you smile back. You two just looked in each other’s eyes for awhile before he kissed you a few times on the lips. Then he went to get up again but you gently grabbed his wrist feeling very sensitive and needy right now.

“Where are you going?” You asked softly. You’re brain was still a little mushy from your orgasm so speaking was a little hard at the moment. Kyubin turned to you cupping your cheek with one hand while his wrist was being held by you.

“I’m gonna get you some water and a towel I’ll be right back ok?” Kyubin went to move away his wrist slipping out of your grasp. You slightly panicked and you quickly grabbed his arm. “Noooo stay here please. I need you Kyu~” water was all the way in the kitchen and you wanted and needed Kyubin here in the bedroom. Kyubin looked at your cute pout and smiled giving you a soft peck on the lips before getting off the bed. With Kyubin’s warm body not touching yours you felt cold. You wrapped your arms around yourself. “Relax love, I have water here,” Kyubin said. You watched him go into the corner of the room and then you remember he keeps a mini fridge next to the window. In the beginning you told him you didn’t want a mini fridge in your room. You didn’t think it was necessary, Kyubin could just go downstairs and get water why does he need a mini fridge in his room anyway? But every night Kyubin was getting out of bed to get a glass of water or he would leave just to get something to drink. You realized Kyubin was also parched especially at night so you let him keep the mini fridge. He always kept it full but he was constantly drinking bottle after bottle of water. Especially after working out. Now you were glad for the mini fridge. Now he didn’t have to leave you for very long. You smiled as he came back with a towel in one hand and one of his t-shirts and a water bottle in the other.

Kyubin helped you sit up on the bed holding you close to him as he held the bottle up to your lips. You took a few sips and Kyubin cleaned you and him up a bit with the towel before he helped you into his shirt. He stopped and looked down at you before speaking. “How do you feel? There was a lot more blood than I thought there would be.”

“I’m okay Kyubin, just a little tired and I’ll probably be really sore soon.” kyubin pulled you into him and kissed your temple.

“You don’t have to get out of bed tomorrow okay? I’ll care take of you. Just relax right now. You did so good my love.”

Settling in Kyubin’s arms, his hand slowly rubbed the small of your back and went up to pet your head. He hummed and kissed your forehead while you melted into him. “I’m so proud of you y/n. I know that you were very scared and worried but you did so well. Thank you.” You looked up at Kyubin with a confused look on your face. Kyubin smiled and grabbed your hand intertwining his fingers with yours. “Because you finally had enough confidence and bravery to open up to me like this. Sex is very big and I know how you felt about it and how you were always so self conscious about getting intimate and I’m just so happy and proud of you for being at the point where you are ready and willing and I’m so glad that you have so much trust in me and that together we were able to explore ourselves and each other’s bodies and love in another way. I mean, for so long you would only let me kiss you cheek or forehead and then you started letting me kiss your lips and neck and touch your waist and thighs and now,” Kyubin paused, you heard him choke up. Sitting up to look at your boyfriend fully you were surprised to see his waterline becoming, well, water. Kyubin was crying and you had never really seen him cry. At least not at something like this. “I’m sorry I’m just, I mean..god y/n I am so fucking proud of you and so so happy that you trusted me enough to get this intimate with you and I just.” Kyubin allowed tears to fall from his eyes and you watched the clear drops roll down his beautiful cheekbones. He squeezed your hand as a way of letting you know he was alright.

For a long while you two just looked into each other’s eyes. Kyubin’s were red from crying but he was still the most beautiful man you had ever seen in your entire life. His beauty showed in more than one way and suddenly you were filled with so many emotions you started to cry. This only brought more tears into Kyubin’s eyes. “Oh Kyubin I love you.” You exclaimed quite literally throwing your arms around him. Your arms wrapped around his neck, your face buried in his chest.

Kyubin’s arms gently wrapped around your waist, one hand on the small of your back to other petting your hair. “I love you too darling. I love you and I am in love with you and I always will be and I will never stop. Ever.”

JESUS FUCK I’m sorry if this was too long but boy I do be proud of myself indeed. I’m sorry Kyubin just makes me feel certain things. I hope anyone reading this enjoyed it uwu.

#onlyoneof #kb #kyubin #shin kyubin #onlyoneof fanfics #onlyoneof smut #onlyoneof fluff #kyubin fanfics #kyubin smut #kyubin fluff #shin kyubin fanfics #shin kyubin smut #shin kyubin fluff #kpop fanfics #kpop smut #kpop fluff #fanfics #smut #fluff

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samuel-de-champagne-problems · 3 years

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It's Delicate: Part II

Summary: Spencer Reid finds himself at a gas station at 2:00 am, thinking he’s only leaving with a cup of crappy coffee. But something taped to the door catches his eye. Spencer leaves the gas station with more than he intended: the chance at a friend, and maybe something more along the way.

Word Count: 3.6 k

Author’s Note: Here's the second part in It's Delicate, my first chapter fic. I've planned out kind of where I see this eventually going! Thank you to anyone who reads, likes, comments, and reblogs. It really means the world to me.

Content Warnings: Expletive language (3 uses), mentions of drug use, sexual innuendo

READ PART I

It's Delicate Masterlist

It's Delicate

Sitting on the plane, Spencer looks out from the little window. For hours, there’s been nothing but corn fields and clouds. It’s eerily peaceful, being there high above the clouds. His whole life Spencer has felt this distance between him and everyone else, but nothing makes that feeling more prominent than being strapped in a glorified metal box 35,000 feet off the Earth’s surface. But the thing is, Spencer does need to be flying above the trees to feel lonely. He can do that with two feet on the ground.

Luke sits across Spencer, the table between them and a deck of playing cards are spread out across its surface. He has to nudge Spencer’s leg from under the table, trying to bring him back to reality as he stares out the window.

“Whatcha thinking,” Luke asks, Spencer has been noticing more and more that Luke is one of the few people that actually listens to him.

Spencer, whose mind is racing too fast to even formulate an articulate thought, attempts to dodge Luke’s question with a noncommittal shrug.

“Reid, these cases are hard for all of us, you gotta know that man,” Luke says, laying down a four of a kind.

Spencer narrows his eyes, shocked that it hasn’t clicked yet for the rest of the team. He cracks his neck, preparing to answer Luke.

“We almost locked up an innocent man, Alvez. I almost sent another man to the same fate as myself. What kind of fucked up message is that?” Spencer says, throwing down the cards on the table. He doesn’t wait for Luke to respond.

“I fold,”

Spencer walks off into the small kitchenette to make a cup of coffee. He doesn’t want to think about his increased reliance on coffee, because he knows it’s a hot cup of coffee or a cold needle of Dilaudid in his veins. Spencer checks his watch, it’s 10:17 pm, maybe too late to find a meeting at a church or rec center somewhere.

He sneaks a peak at his phone, which was still unfortunately on Airplane Mode, he hasn’t even gotten a chance to see if Y/N has responded. He doesn’t know much about her, just as much as she knows about him.

It’s a brave new world for Spencer and he’s knee deep into the unknown.

Spencer can feel Luke’s eyes on him. He just knows that the minute he gets home, a certain tech expert will be ringing him. He knows that it’s Luke’s way of caring, but for someone who’s been alone for so long, having people that actually care is almost drowning.

Walking back to his seat, Spencer hands Luke a coffee. He smiles slightly; it’s the awkward smile that he used to make when intimating police chiefs and idiot cops would look him up and down like he’s a TA. It’s a peace offering for Luke, who despite his tough looking exterior, is one of the kindest people Spencer knows.

“Look, Reid. I’m sorry that we didn’t put it together. It’s just that man that we caught, he’s not like you. He’s not innocent of crimes, he’s just innocent of this crime,” Luke says in an attempt to make Spencer feel a little bit better.

“The thing is Luke, I’m exactly like that man,”

Spencer returns to staring out the window. The cards and the coffee on the table are long ignored for the silence that is found when you’re high above the clouds.

Spencer hears Tara and Emily murmur quietly about going out for a round of drinks. Luke accepts, while JJ and Matt decline, eager to get home to their families. Emily looks over at Spencer, her eyes silently scanning him, his body language. Spencer knows that there’s nothing he can hide from Emily, so there’s no use in trying to pretend he’s alright when she can take one look at him and know that nothing is right.

“You guys have fun, I’m going to head home and get some sleep. I plan on visiting my mom tomorrow and mornings are usually better for her,” Spencer says, slinging his go bag around his shoulders and making the trek back to the security to check out.

He walks slowly, enjoying the sound of the crickets chirping as he trudges along. Spencer tries not to think about the man, Richard, who was almost locked up for a crime that he didn’t commit. Spencer is pretty sure that being the person to throw an innocent man in jail is worse than being the innocent man in jail.

Spencer’s phone buzzes loudly, disturbing the silence of his walk. He looks at the phone to see a couple of messages from Y/N. Spencer slides open the lock to his phone and hits the button to read her messages.

Y/N: Spencer...that has a nice ring to it. So tell me a little bit about yourself. Your big three, but as books. Go! 🌞🌙⬆️

Furrowing his brow, Spencer reads the message over again. He does not have a clue what “big three” means, but it seems like some sort of pop culture thing that he’s not skilled in. He wants to text Garcia for a translation, but he’s also not too keen on telling her how he came across Y/N’s number.

Y/N: I assume you’re working, but I'm kind of impatient so I’ll give you mine 🙃 I’m a Little Women sun, an Emma moon, and an In Cold Blood rising.

Y/N: Oh no….I hope my astrology didn’t turn you off

Y/N: Not that I was trying to turn you on

Y/N: omg Y/N please shut the fuck up

Astrology? Spencer isn’t one to judge, but he’s a scientist first and foremost. The idea that there is something written about him in the stars seems like ludicrous. He decided to ignore the other messages, particularly the ones with a little more than slight innuendo.

Spencer: Y/N- I’m sorry I just got out of work. As for my big three, I’m not sure about astrology. I don’t particularly believe in pseudoscience. But those are good choices. In Cold Blood is an excellent choice. Capote spent years researching the case. In fact his prose and technique inspired the entire “Nonfiction novel” genre. The world of journalism and true crime would not be where it is without Capote’s work.

Y/N: Oh my god. You are a total nerd. 🙀

That stops Spencer right in his tracks. He’s only a couple of yards away from the Volvo at this point, but somehow it feels a million miles away. You are a total nerd. The words replay in his mind as the small gray bubbles pop up again. Spencer can feel his heart constrict at Y/N’s words. It’s ridiculous, he’s nearly 34 and is getting upset that a stranger called him a nerd. Spencer unlocks his car and tosses his go bag, phone included onto the passenger seat.

After a couple of minutes his phone buzzes again. He’s half tempted to answer it, but the way his heart seems to beat faster tells him to ignore it.

Y/N: I fucking love it and I think you’ll love this too

Spencer’s entire demeanor changes as he reads the message. He’s always had difficulties reading emotion in writing, especially when he can’t analyze the handwriting. Sometimes, it’s even harder to judge inflection during conversations. Maybe that is why Spencer has spent all this time studying people, studying the way that their minds work. Before he can get too lost in his thoughts, another message pops up.

Y/N: Meet Capote and Second Cat

Y/N: They are the loves of my life

Spencer: They are very...distinguished looking. Capote is an excellent name choice then. Second Cat is also quite catchy.

Spencer hesitates before sending the message, he notices that Y/N uses what Garcia calls “emojis” quite frequently. He assumes that it’s some sort of “texting lingo” that expresses emotion in small graphics. Great, he thinks. He already has a difficult time deciphering Y/N’s cryptic wording and now he’s got to analyze these emojis.

Maybe he should profile her. He re-reads the message and settles on a “😄” because he figures that he can’t go wrong with offering Y/N a smile.

Spencer: I don’t have a cat, but when I was a kid I always wanted one, they’re quite good companions for those that live several different kinds of lifestyles. From active to sedentary, they are adaptable and independent. Honestly they are the perfect pet.

Y/N: Is this your way of telling you’re a crazy cat man? 😜 🙀

Spencer, still sitting in his car that’s parked in the parking lot, chuckles at Y/N’s response to his message. Maybe it’s just easier to ignore his rambling when it’s done through 1s and 0s and there isn’t a face to the words.

Spencer: I’m actually more of a fish guy

Y/N: Like a “I-like-to-go-fishing-and-post-picture-of-myself-kissing-my-catch-on-Tinder” kind of fish guy or...I can’t think of any other kind of fish men

Spencer, not totally understanding the obvious joke that Y/N is trying to make, settles on something that he hasn’t really ever tried: being himself.

Spencer: Not quite sure what a Tinder is, but I think fishing is terrifying and kissing a fish is something out of nightmares. But his name is Leo

Y/N: DiCaprio?

Spencer: Uhh, Tolstoy

Y/N: Good😉 ⚔️🕊️ 🇷🇺

Spencer glances at his clock on the control panel, it tells him that he’s been messaging with Y/N back and forth for nearly 22 minutes. He nearly forgot how tired he was.

Spencer: Y/N- I’m so sorry but, I just got to my car to drive home from work. I’ll text you tomorrow morning about the book club, maybe we can figure out some things.

Y/N: OMG Spencer!! you should have told me. I’ve been talking ur ear off. sleep well and yes please tomorrow we can talk about the book club

Y/N: Good night, Book Buddy 😴

Spencer wants to respond to Y/N, but he doesn’t know what to say. She seems to text so easily, and judging by that, she must be around Spencer’s age or a little bit younger. Besides JJ and Penelope, Spencer has never had a friend close to his age. It’s a strange new territory for him and he’s walking in head first into No Man’s Land.

He starts his Volvo, the check engine still lights but, reminding him once again to go get it fixed. Driving away from the parking lot, Spencer hands over his ID to Gina, the security guard. She checks his ID and gives him a tired smile. Spencer, as he drives home to his apartment, thinking about what books he and Y/N will read together. He wonders what kind of books are her favorite, if they have any authors that they can obsess over together, or if what she thinks a poet’s prose is.

The summer air rushing in through the window is nowhere as warm and as comforting as thought of Spencer finally having a friend that isn’t able to read the scars of his past in the text bubbles that pop up on her screen.

When Spencer opens his eyes for the first time that morning, he isn’t sure where he is. Sometimes, before he can stop his thoughts from travelling there, Spencer thinks he’s still in jail. He hates the feeling of terror that rushes over him but he hates the idea of being vulnerable a little bit more. But the softness of his pillows and the coolness of his cotton sheets remind him that he’s not sleeping on a hard cot with only a layer of fabric over his body. The light streams in through the half closed blinds, and Spencer judges by how brightly the sun shines in, it must be around 9:45 am.

He supposes that he prefers the way the sun’s rays paint horizontal bars across his face more than the vertical bars that cast gray shadows over his cell at Milburn Penitentiary.

It’s a day off from work, so Spencer didn’t set an alarm, instead allowing his mind and his body to catch up on some much needed rest. The nightmares have been getting better, but his dreams are still haunted by the way that he hardly recognizes himself anymore. Deciding that it will be a day spent in pajamas, Spencer goes to his bookshelf in his bedroom to pick out a couple of novels to read while he drinks his morning coffee and defrosts some of Luke’s strawberry pastries.

Before heading out of his room, Spencer stops himself in the doorway. He replays the events of last night. He declined to go out with the rest of the team, while he walked to his car he thought about the crickets telling the temperature, and he read over Y/N’s messages.

Y/N.

He promised he’d text her back in the morning about their book club. Last night, she didn’t seem to mind Spencer’s long messages and awkward phrasing. He still doesn’t really know how this Book Buddy thing would work, but since he found Y/N’s number on the flyer, he can only assume that she knows what to do. He leaps on his bed, landing with thud on his belly, to grab his phone that charges on his nightstand.

Spencer settles at his kitchen table, a cup of steaming hot Dark Roast coffee in a Captain Spock mug in one hand and, surprisingly, his phone in the other. He scrolls through the messages from last night, Y/N’s cat and emojis tempt a smile to Spencer’s face.

Not entirely sure how to start the conversation again, Spencer looks around for inspiration until his eyes land on a certain fish tank in the corner of his apartment. He snaps a quick picture of Leo and attaches it to the message.

Spencer: Good Morning from Leo & Spencer

Spencer sets down his phone after a moment when he realizes that Y/N is probably not going to answer him back in a couple of seconds. He takes out a strawberry pastry from his freezer and puts it into the toaster oven on a non-stick baking sheet. His thumbs run across the texture of the book he started on the plane ride after his and Luke’s ill fated poker game. It's a thin book of collected essays on the meaning of life. Camus, to Spencer, is a little pessimistic with his droning on about the meaninglessness of life. Though Spence has seen the absolute worst that humanity has to offer, he still has to believe that there’s a deeper meaning behind it all.

His toaster oven rings, altering him so that his toasted strawberry pastry is cooked. He plates his breakfast and pours himself another cup of coffee- he’ll need it to get through Camus’s section on Absurdism this early in the morning. But the flash of Spencer’s phone screen sends him reaching for his phone. Y/N replied to his message.

Y/N: hi leo!!!

Y/N: and you too Spencer :) Did you get a good night’s sleep. You got back late it seems.

Spencer, taking a bite of the strawberry pastry, ignores the burning sensation in his mouth. He types out a response to Y/N as he washes down the bite with a swing of coffee.

Spencer: I did, thank you. Can you tell me a little bit more about this book buddy thing. From what I gathered from the flyer it’s like a little book club of our own and we meet at the bookstore?

It doesn’t take long for Y/N to respond. The little gray dots pop up almost immediately after Spencer’s message is delivered.

Y/N: That’s about right! Is it okay if I call you? Kinda easier to talk that way 🤷‍♀️

Spencer reads over the message a couple of times. He doesn’t really like to talk on the phone and only does it out of necessity. He’s pretty sure that his voice is grating and his vocal fry is quite irritating. Yet, he finds himself replying “yes” to Y/N. Soon enough, his phone buzzes in his hand and Spencer has to remind himself how to pick up a call.

“Spencer? Um, this is Spencer Reid, right?” the voice says. It’s a woman’s voice and he can only assume that it’s Y/N, considering it is her phone number calling him.

“Y/N, uh hi. This is Dr. Spencer- I mean this is Spencer,” he says, nearly forgetting that Y/N doesn’t know him as Dr. Reid, but as just Spencer. It’s been a long time since someone has known him as Spencer.

“Oh great! It’s wonderful to finally have a voice to your name. So about these buddy reads. You seem to have a good grasp of what they are,” Y/N’s voice trails off a little bit at the end and Spencer finds it natural to fill in the silence.

“Yes, the flyer was quite informative. But I was wondering, do we read the same books or do we read different books?” Spencer asks, trying to restrain himself from scaring Y/N off. But something about her made him think that she didn’t scare easily.

Y/N chuckles lightly in the speaker of her phone, “that’s a good question, uh, I was actually going to ask you what you would rather. We can read the same books, or if it’s okay with you we can choose what the other would read for that week,”

“Oh really?” Spencer says, very much aware how his voice rises a couple of octaves. He can’t trust himself to hold back on rambling over the phone Y/N, so he resorts to using his strained, brittle voice that’s full of hesitation and restraint.

“That’s the plan, so whatcha thinking, Spencer,” Y/N says playfully, like she can sense that phone conversations maybe not make him feel at ease. There’s something so natural and silvery about her voice; it reminds Spencer of an audiobook reader. While he’s not too keen on audiobooks, he’s sure that he’d listen to anything she reads or has to say.

“Um, I think it sounds interesting to pick out books for each other. I tend to gravitate towards more technical books or even books that aren’t in English so, uh, I think it would be interesting to get out of my comfort zone,” Spencer says, cringing internally at using the word “interesting” twice in a couple of sentences.

“Well, as long as you don’t pick out something in physics or anything by Ayn Rand then I’d say we’re good,” Y/N says. Spencer thinks it’s a joke, but he’s not too sure how to respond.

“Will you still be my Book Buddy if I read 1 out of 2 of those?” Spencer asks, hoping she’d get that he is trying to continue the joke.

“Oh no Spencer please don’t tell me you’re an Ayn Rand fanboy,” she says, and by the airy way she laughs, Spencer ventures to guess his joke landed successfully.

“So,” Spencer starts, he never has made plans with people outside of his team, and on top of that, there’s something about Y/N’s quickness that makes him a little nervous to meet her.

“I’m talking your ear off, aren’t I? Please Spencer, if you’re going to be my Book Buddy, you’re going to have to get used to me talking a lot, especially you pick out good books, which, I already have a feeling you’re going to be favorite Book Buddy,”

For once in his life, Spencer doesn’t really know how to respond. He lets out something in between a strangled laughter and a noncommittal chuckle.

“So,” Y/N says, mirroring Spencer’s earlier words, “so are you free tonight, I can meet you at the bookstore..”

Y/N’s voice trails off and Spencer leaps to finish her sentences. It doesn’t feel like his interjecting or interrupting, but like he’s snapping a puzzle piece together.

“Does 7 work?” “7 is great, Spencer. It’s a date,”

Those three little words send Spencer’s eyes flying wide open. He scrambles to come up with answer to louden the silence that falls, but he swears he can hear a string of quiet curses before Y/N manages to squeak out a small “goodbye,”

Y/N’s last words play back in Spencer’s ears. He scolds himself for being so weird and awkward that the very idea of going on a date with him would send Y/N in a tizzy. It’s not a date, because Spencer can’t think about it being a date. It’s not a date because of the looming photo above his mantle that freezes his future in the past. It’s not a date because of the nightmare of vertical bars that haunt his dreams

It’s not a date. It’s so not a date because Spencer would call Luke to come over to help him if it was.

“Hey Luke,” Spencer says, trying to control the nervous waves in his voice, “no man, I’m fine, it’s uh, easier if you just come over. I’m fine, really,”

Y/N: I really hope you're not an Ayn Rand fanboy 😉

It’s so not a date.

--THANK YOU FOR READING--

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