#i started crying just THINKING about my dog

[ceasarslegion]

Now that I'm on a 5 hour train ride before my airport run I can outline a few thoughts about America I've had over the last week:

-everything is so big. Like canada far beats you guys in regards to raw land mass but there's like 12 of us up there. You guys really minmaxed how much you can fit into one place. Meanwhile you leave an urban center in canada and it's just nothing for the next half hour upon which you hit a gas station warning that the next ones not gonna be for another 2 hours so fill up now

-Ive seen more Amish people in my like 4 days in upstate NY than I have in my entire life before now

-ive also seen more confederate, trump, and general American flags in the last 4 days upstate than in my entire life before now. NYC was not that bad. Are you guys okay down here

-why do you have war vets advertised on street lamps

-why do you put your flag on EVERYTHING... im pretty sure there's a part of your constitution that says you're not supposed to do that lmao??

-i bought a big gulp with my last few USD bills yesterday. It gave me a nuclear level tummy ache but the hubris of having that much pop for 2 dollars made it worth it. I get the appeal of Big Drink now

-I was asked how I want my burger cooked when I went for a good ol' american cheeseburger. You guys are just raw dogging rare ground beef here like e coli can't touch you. There was a burger that had mozzarella sticks on it on the menu. Your frankensteinian approach to food captivates me

-i hate how you have 1 dollar bills here. That's wrong to me. 5 is the proper place for bills to start. To me. But the CAD to USD exchange rate is HEAVILY weighted in your favour so it's whatever I guess. Your grocery prices make me want to scream, cry, and throw up in that order. Canada's not much better but at least the prices have the same number on them in a comparatively worthless currency

-there is something so capitalist about this country. Every second of my day I am being blasted with ads from every flat surface. At least we don't have ad screens in our taxis???

-I bought an Arizona tea flavour we don't have in canada and upon glancing at the nutrition label it had 84% of my daily sugar intake in it. If that's what your convenience store iced tea is like I think whatever sweet tea is would just kill me

-I think the guns in Walmart are perhaps contributing to the way the tankies on this webbed site think guns are cool and not dangerous at all. My god I was uneasy seeing that shit

-i got a big box of american sugar cereal that we dont have in canada and they can pry it from my cold dead hands at the airport I'm qualified to work our TSA checkpoint and I know damn well it's allowed to go in the case of personal consumption this shit fucks so goddamn hard

[hanniebaeee]

Bittersweet

Boyfriend Lee Know x fem!reader

Warnings: A lot of crying, pregnancy and child birth, dad! Minho stealing your heart (sorry!)

Genre: angst, fluff

Summary: You feel your boyfriend, Minho, slipping away from you. You love him way too much to leave, but your current situation calls for change.

This wasn't the first time your boyfriend Minho is missing a date with you. In fact this has happened way too many times already and yet here you were, hoping it would be different this time around. But the jokes on you, because Minho wasn't there and you were eating on your own at your favorite cafe. One of the servers was your friend by now and she gave you a sympathetic smile as she placed your order on the table. Blowing the candle out, you ate in silence.

It had started raining heavily by the time you were finished. The cafe wasn't too far from your house and so you had decided to walk. It was pouring cats and dogs now. You didn't have an umbrella, so you tried to wait it out a little. But unfortunately, the rain wasn't planning on stopping.

Just as you were about to step out, the kind server came running with an umbrella.

'Oh no, thank you! How would you get home then?' You asked.

'I still have a couple of hours left here. I'll catch a ride with one of the girls.' She said. 'You get home safe, yeah?'

You nod and take the umbrella from her, thanking her. Stepping out into the freezing rain, you walk to your house as quickly as you can. Even with the umbrella, you were drenched by the time you got home. The cats were asleep in their bed in the living room. It was so quiet and cold, you felt a fit of sobs take over you, crumbling to the floor and crying silently.

You had hoped to find Minho home at least, but sadly, he wasn't. Standing up and walking to your bedroom, you change into dry clothes and get ready for bed.

It was past midnight when you felt the bed dip under his weight. He stayed silently on his side of the bed for a few minutes. He was afraid to approach you after forgetting about your date. Again. But then, you felt his warm body press against your back, his arms wrapping around you. His face is in the crook of your neck. He was crying.

'Minho, it's ok.' You said, even though it really wasn't. But you didn't want to push it. You were too tired.

'I don't deserve you.' He said, his sobs shaking his entire body.

'Hey, hey. Stop that. We'll talk in the morning, ok?' You put your hand over his, giving him a reassuring squeeze. But he cried even more as he realized that you weren't saying all those nice things you usually did.

'Are you leaving me? Is that what it is?' Minho asked, making you face him.

'It doesn't feel like you're in my life anymore, Minho.' You say sadly. 'Especially, now, when I really really need you.'

'I've been struggling a lot with... everything...nothing is going right with me. I'm exhausted all the time. I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.' Minho said, cupping your cheeks in his hands.

Then he falls silent before asking, 'What do you mean, now?'

'Minho, there is a reason I wanted to meet you today.' You say and Minho stiffens.

'I don't want to be a burden, ok? I'm telling you only because you deserve to know.' You continue, making his eyes well up again. 'Your work is your first priority. I get it. You have worked way too hard to be here now and nothing in the world should take it away from you.'

Minho shakes his head no, but you continue talking.

'I'm just really tired of being caught up in between this.'

'Baby, no. Please, no-' Minho was crying harder now, holding you tightly against his chest. 'I won't let you go. I won't. You're everything to me. I wo-'

'I'm pregnant, Minho.' Your words stun him to silence.

He pulls back to look at you clearly for the first time in a while. You did look really tired and pale.

'What?' Was all he could say.

'Yeah. I didn't know until last week. I was really sick - the nausea, the fatigue, the bloating. I didn't think I was pregnant, until I passed out at work after skipping a meal...I'm around 8 weeks in.' You say, wiping a tear from your eye before it could fall.

'Why didn't you call me?! Oh my god, you passed out??' Minho was sitting up, looking shocked.

'I called. You didn't pick up or call me back. So I told you to clear a day and meet me for dinner. You didn't show up today, did you?'

You weren't angry. That he could've dealt with. You just looked so tired and resigned, it killed him. You sit up and pull your messy hair up into a bun.

'I have made up my mind. I will have my baby with or without your help, Minho. You can walk out right now and I won't fight you. If you wanna help and be a part of our baby's life, that's ok too. But I'm done being left on read and being stood up.' You try to control the sudden surge of tears. 'You have to make up your mind.'

'No no no' Minho pleaded. 'I know that I fucked up ok? But I promise, this would be the last time! I will leave everything for you. But I won't last a day knowing that I won't come home to you again.'

'Minho...please-' You didn't have it in you to take any more disappointment.

'NO!' His voice was loud and it shook with emotion. 'No one is leaving! We're doing this together, understand? I'm going to take care of you and our baby. I'm going to be here for you. Ok?'

'Ok' You whisper, after a pause. 'That's what I want.'

'Ok' he said, cupping your cheeks in his hands. 'That's the only thing I want too.'

He leaned forward and kissed you, both of you crying.

Minho stood by his word, and you didn't find yourself having dinner or going to bed alone again. He was by your side for all your appointments and scans and he cried like a baby as he heard your baby's heartbeat for the first time.

Minho had bought a ring he wanted to propose to you with, years ago. He was just waiting for the right time - but here you were. He never thought your baby would be there to witness the wedding though. He organized a beautiful baby shower for you with just your closest friends and family. And he took this opportunity to propose to you. Of course, you said yes.

When you woke him up one night, slowly telling him that you're in pain and the moisture spilling down down legs is definitely not you just peeing yourself, he shrieked in fright.

Picking up your hospital bag and calling Chan through excited tears, Minho drives you to the hospital. He held your hand, trying to soothe your sobs as contractions ripped through you. Everything was fine until he saw your eyes roll back and you were sweating way too much.

'Too tired, I can't-' you mumble, and he's calling out to you, softly first, then it gets louder and louder before the doctor asks him to step out.

'What? Why? What's going on?' Chan holds his hand, trying to assure him that everything is alright when there is a nurse asking him to sign a form and telling him that you need an emergency C-section. His hands shake as he looks at Chan and then at the nurse, who tells him that you're alright, but you won't be able to push your baby out on your own right now.

He covers his face and cries as he thinks of all the nights you spent alone, the times he ignored you and now here you were, struggling alone yet again.

He stares at the little pink bundle in his arms, his little girl with sweet pink cheeks and lips. But his heart is still tight because he hadn't seen you yet. Later, when he was finally allowed to meet you, he wouldn't let go of you. He clung on like a koala, as Chris held your baby, watching you both with moist eyes.

It killed him to see you in so much pain, and he did everything he could to help you. From taking you to the bathroom, helping you bathe and change your clothes - Minho did everything for you. In fact he hated it when anyone else (his mum or yours) tried to do it for you. He was fiercely protective of you and it made your heart swell with love for him.

He stayed true to his word and he never left you hanging ever again.

A few months later:

You watch as the boys move around the kitchen, busy cooking. It was a free weekend for all and they decided to come and have lunch together. You were ordered to go and chill on the sofa as Minho and the boys handled the cooking.

Minho held your little girl in his arms, laughing at something Hyunjin was saying. Your daughter was fast asleep against her father's chest and he was rocking her gently. His eyes meet yours and he gives you the sweetest smile ever. You smile back at him.

This is everything you've ever wanted. And you felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

a/n: I have a thing for dad!skz 💘

[uraveragelonelygay]

Danger

Colt Seavers x fem!reader

a/n: hey team! surprise! also, i despise the way this turned out. but i haven’t written in ages, so i guess I’ve gotta start somewhere. if it’s shit, i apologize in advance! but enjoy!!!

summary: you have an issue with your boyfriend’s addiction to danger. he doesn’t see the problem. but will he see it when the shoe is on the other foot?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“you’re not listening to me.”

“no, i hear you loud and clear. you don’t agree with me doing my job.”

you and colt have been at it for the entirety of your lunch break. this all started when you heard from your coworker, hannah, in the animal welfare department that colt had agreed to perform a stunt involving him leaping from one helicopter to another. you were outraged to hear this through the grapevine instead of from your own boyfriend.

so, when he walked into your tent during lunch with that stupid smirk on his face, you just lost it. needless to say, he was not receptive to your worries.

you sigh, running your hand through your hair frustratedly. “that is not what i’m saying and you know it, colt. i’m just saying i can tell you’re getting riskier and riskier. this isn’t a car roll we’re talking about here, colt. this is literally leaping through the air. something that could absolutely be done through vfx.”

he takes a deep breath, trying to calm the conversation down. “you just don’t get it. the pressure to agree to something when you’re on set with everyone watching you…you just don’t get it.”

you furrowed your brows at this. “i don’t get it? i work on a film set too, in case you forgot.”

he can feel tensions are high, so he attempts once more to calm things by making a joke…one that happens to be in very poor taste.

“i mean, technically, but, don’t you just sit in your trailer all day and tell dogs to sit and stay? it’s not like you’re actually experiencing the pressures of hollywood,” he says with a chuckle.

your heart drops at that. no way did he just demean your entire life’s work to ‘telling dogs to sit and stay’. you’ve worked for years to be a professional animal trainer for screen and stage. it’s been your dream since you were a little girl growing up helping your parents with the animal sanctuary they founded.

“what did you just say?” you ask, shocked.

you see the fear on his face as he realizes the implications of his own words. “oh my god, no, i didn’t mean-“

you cut him off, a look of pure betrayal on your face. “no, i know exactly what you meant. now, if you’ll excuse me, i have to get some dogs to sit.”

“baby, wait, i-“

“out, seavers,” you demanded.

colt knew upon hearing you call him by his last name that there was no mending this right now, so he nodded his head in defeat and slowly left your tent.

you sat down in your chair and put your head in your hands, trying not to cry. deep down, you knew he was just trying to ease the tension of the situation with his typical colt-seavers-awkward-humor. but you just couldn’t shake the feeling his words left you with. he knew how hard you had worked for this position and how demeaning people could be about it. you just never thought that your biggest insecurity would be the bud of one of his jokes.

taking a deep breath, you stand up and try to shake off your argument. you had work to do.

~

meanwhile, colt is back on set, trying his best to focus as dan briefs him on what his airplane jump will look like. understandably, the stunt man is having trouble focusing. all he can think about is the look of complete and utter betrayal on your face after he made that joke. that stupid fucking joke. why couldn’t he have thought before he spoke, just this once?

“earth to seavers…” dan snaps in colt’s face, trying to get his attention.

“sorry, dan, you were saying?”

dan rolls his eyes. “you might wanna listen to this, considering it’s going to be one of the most dangerous stunts ever performed.”

colt cringes at that. “actually, dan, on second thought-“

dan’s walkie interrupts the conversation as a panicked voice comes through.

“we have a code red in animal welfare, code red in animal welfare.”

colt’s eyes widen at that. “dan, what the fuck does that mean?”

dan puts up a hand to shut colt up. “shhhh, i’m trying to hear it-“

“everyone please clear the area, emts to animal welfare, emts to animal welfare.”

dan speaks into the walkie. “can we request some elaboration on the situation please?”

the walkie beeps with a response. “koda got spooked.”

colt is terrified at this point, his heartbeat ringing in his ears. “dan…isn’t koda a black bear?”

dan slowly nods his head, worry prominent on his face.

“colt, i think you’ve gotta get to animal welfare. this could be bad.”

~

as you slowly regain consciousness, the first thing you notice is that you can only see half as well as usual. you lift your hand up to your face with a shaky hand and make contact with gauze that seems to be covering half of your face.

“oh fuck.“

your words startled a certain fall guy out of his slumber. upon noticing the panic on your face, he’s quick to move to your side.

“hey, sweetheart, how are you doing?” he gently asks.

“that depends,” you start slowly, “do i still have two eyes?”

he stifles a laugh at your blunt response. “yeah, don’t worry. you still have two eyes. it was a close one, though. he got you pretty good.”

you look at him confused. “what even happened? all i remember is koda getting overwhelmed and going to jump on me. everything else is lost on me.”

colt sighed. “you were knocked unconscious once you hit the ground, but from there koda did some damage with his claws. luckily, hannah was able to get him off of you before he-“ his breath hitches at the thought.

you squeeze his hand. “hey, it’s okay. it’s all okay.”

colt’s face crumples at this as tears fall down his face. you take his face in your hands and gently wipe his tears away. “what is it, honey?”

“i get it now. getting the call on the walkie. i get it. my heart fucking stopped because i thought that you were gonna-“

you press a kiss to his forehead. “shhh. i didn’t, though.”

“but you could’ve, and the last thing i would’ve said to you was that dumb joke that was the opposite of the truth,” he sobbed out.

“baby, i know that. i was just upset in the moment because it hit a sore spot, but of course i knew your true intentions. we’re okay, yeah?” you stroke his hair to calm him down, and the two of you sit there for a moment until his sobs become sniffles.

you bask in the silence, happy to still be alive and still be with him.

“i’m not doing it.”

upon your curious look, colt continues.

“the plane stunt. i’m not doing it.”

you sigh. “i just worry, but ultimately you do know best-“

he cuts you off. “no, no. i learned today how terrifying it is to watch you in danger of losing your life. i can’t imagine how you feel everyday on set. i’m not doing it.”

you smile. “well, i can’t say i’m not relieved to hear that.”

he smiles back at you.

“i love you, darling.”

“i love you right back, fall guy.”

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! You said that you need another vacation after this vacation, so I am not sure, how puppy situation, even if it partual custudy, affecting you ( may be you in panic when he is there and then recovering when he is not, and then round and round? ), but really, If you need another vacation, I hope you know we will be here to support you for it!

It's been nearly 4 weeks now since we got Toby so I feel like I can talk about this with a bit of a clear head.

(Talk of like an actual PTSD meltdown beneath the read-more, including self-harm mention - nothing graphic. There's zero obligation for anyone to read this, especially for folks who don't think authors should ever be honest about being people with issues):

So, I've been kind of quiet about aspects of this, but I have like severe treatment-resistant PTSD and C-PTSD, and puppies specifically are one of my triggers (especially if I'm responsible for them). The reason for that is kind of awful, and I don't really want to talk about some of the things I've experienced/been through that led to that, so let's just move onto the next part. You're kind of right anon, there has been panic while he is here lol.

As a result, I had a severe meltdown the first time I tried to adopt a dog many years ago now. Could not last 24 hours, needed weeks/months to recover.

But I've always wanted to share my life with a dog and I've been in a somewhat better space over the past year or so, and I thought I could maybe handle it better. I told myself 'if I can just get through that 24 hours I'll realise it's okay and it will all work out.' Anon I cannot tell you where this thinking came from, but it was wrong. Idk why past me was kind of naive enough to think this way but here we are.

No, after that 24 hours, it got temporarily better, and then I slammed into consecutive meltdowns, each one worse than the next, until the people around me were afraid for my life. I am still recovering from some of the harm I inflicted on myself during the last three weeks and likely will be for some time to come. The combination of a really intense PTSD relapse, as well as not being able to handle (as an AuDHD person) intense changes to my schedule basically compounded and I broke.

I made the decision to rehome Toby, and first contacted the people around me. Glen's mum said she wanted a dog, and had been specifically looking into dogs like Toby anyway, and so we decided this would be best because then I could still be involved (I love Toby to pieces).

After getting some space, I finally started to adjust, and have gone back to having Toby about 4~ days a week, with a view to going to about 6 days, with one day spent with my mum, or Glen's mum.

Today is the first day I was able to handle having him on my own for around 9.5 hours. And I'm here and able to write about it, so that's progress. He'll be here all day Sunday, and then Tues-Weds-Thurs-Friday. And from there a decision will be made as to where I'm at with my mental health etc.

I'm a bit more hopeful now that I might be able to keep him, but my PTSD is still very very bad. I'm having some nights where I'm simply not sleeping until 7.30am (even if he's not here), and my hypervigilance is crazy. Like, I am having so many auditory flashbacks it's stupid. So this is why I've been saying this break hasn't been very restful or productive. Because my mental health tanked like I detonated a landmine inside myself.

I didn't actually plan the two week break for Toby! That was just a coincidence honestly.

Unfortunately I have a lot of health conditions that respond very poorly to stress, so I'm dealing with those now too. And then additionally, in all of this, I had a breast scan / mammogram / ultrasound that has confirmed a suspicious lump I found a couple of months ago (breast cancer runs in the family), and I suspect I'm going to need a biopsy. I'll find out on Monday if that's the case. That's been in the background and hasn't been helping.

There's some other stuff going on that's not really worth talking about because these are the main things, but that's a good picture I think. It turns out 'just getting through the first 24 hours' doesn't magically make a severe PTSD trigger go away. And that forced exposure is not 'exposure therapy' - that's just reinforcing a trigger.

Anyway! I feel like I'm through the worst of it, and I am seeing glimpses of how my life could be richer if I keep getting through this. But...that's why I think another break. *smiles tiredly.* I have to wait a bit now for the PTSD / C-PTSD symptoms to settle down, and I also need to see what's kind of worsened after this. Realistically, with a relapse to this degree, it could take between 3-6 months to really start recovering, or to at least get back to where I was before December.

I hope with all my heart I can get there with Toby by my side. I love him so much.

(I want to add that Toby has never ever been in a position of harm at any point, and in fact I probably put myself in harm's way for his sake, because I wanted to provide solid continuity of care - in case anyone was worried about that).

Er so yeah! But I've picked up my writing again this week and have been able to do some like...things I'd been neglecting, and I feel more human again, I just hope I get some sleep tonight

[whentherewerebicycles]

I cannot survive this day lol

[yuichiroswife]

{ I know me saying this doesn't matter since I'm barely here to begin with, but I likely won't be here for a while because my dad just asked me how I felt about getting a puppy that my sister keeps trying to talk my mom into and I hysterically bursted into tears due to me remembering the way our previous dogs died. It obviously had a much bigger impact on me than most thought and now I'm just terrified to have any new pets because I literally cannot handle them dying. }

[fitsinthepalm]

it’s kind of wild that you don’t realize how depressed you were until you start feeling better

[panzershrike-pretz]

Guess the fuck who started their morning with a panic attack

[bootyful-seventeen]

i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh

[kosmicfeelings]

I worry this wound will never close and will continue to bleed

[lightspren]

Ok so I keep freaking out about if I can actually do this dog thing, if I’m actually enough. I love this dog dearly but i’m so exhausted all the time and that’s made worse this weekend by being sick. and I know that love is not enough to give a dog what she needs to be happy and healthy.

however. look. my big concerns are not being able to give her the exercise and stimulation she needs and wanting to be able to just Chill and cuddle my spouse and cats in calmness. and like. she’s almost certainly a great pyrenees mix. Relatively (as in, relative to other dogs I like, aka shepherds), she doesn’t need that much exercise. A good run in the yard a few times a day should do her, especially once she’s not so much of a puppy. And that’s the thing too— she’s a puppy. She’s excitable and chewy and a Lot because she’s 12mos old and still growing up. that takes time. and the cats are unhappy and won’t come cuddle— because she’s been here four days! they’re still adjusting!

i really need to take a step back and calm down. four days is not long enough to throw in the towel on this. she’s a puppy and we’re all adjusting but there is room in our lives for her. we can do this. i just need to fucking chill for maybe like five minutes and understand that this is an adjustment for the humans too, and that’s okay. I just need to chill.

[ghostoffuturespast]

A sheaf of sweetgrass, bound at the end and divided into thirds, is ready to braid. In braiding sweetgrass-so that it is smooth, glossy, and worthy of the gift-a certain amount of tension is needed. As any little girl with tight braids will tell you, you have to pull a bit. Of course you can do it yourself-by tying one end to a chair, or by holding it in your teeth and braiding backward away from yourself-but the sweetest way is to have someone else hold the end so that you pull gently against each other, all the while leaning in, head to head, chatting and laughing, watching each other's hands, one holding steady while the other shifts the slim bundles over one another, each in its turn. Linked by sweetgrass, there is reciprocity between you, linked by sweetgrass, the holder as vital as the braider. The braid becomes finer and thinner as you near the end, until you're braiding individual blades of grass, and then you tie it off. Will you hold the end of the bundle while I braid? Hands joined by grass, can we bend our heads together and make a braid to honor the earth? And then I'll hold it for you, while you braid, too.

All flourishing is mutual.

Braiding Sweetgrass - Robin Wall Kimmerer

[terramythos]

.

[creepy-scrawl]

SHE DOESNT ANSWER.. AM I THAT ANNOYING TO CALM HER MOTHER AND ASK ABOUT HER??? 😭😭😭😭

[gec2unow]

you ever go to work sloppy style scared and you're like damn im gonna be real i think today is going to be Hard To Get Through with these mental illness symptoms! and then ur boss is like hey good news ur gonna be doing the samples all day today! and ur like uh oh i don't know if i can handle hours and hours of being super social with custies today im a bit too mentally ill for that! but u suck it up and u do it and ur doing it and ur like damn i think i need to go to the back for a bit i fucking feel like im about to throw up and start hyperventilating, and then when u go to the back u quick check ur phone and ur mom texted u that ur childhood dog just suddenly passed away . anyways i went out sobbing and told my boss i had to leave and here we are !

[technicalthinker]

I haven't even rewatched Rogue One yet but I realise I am still so incredibly emotionally compromised by the ending, specifically the ending Cassian and Jyn scenes. Seeing gifs, bits of it in edits or just thinking about it gets to me and god I rly need to rant about it and explore why (under the cut bc it got long lmao, warning for rogue one spoilers obv if you haven't seen it)

This breakdown is mostly from memory so I've prob misremembered details that is gonna ruin me on a rewatch.

Like ofc we have all the baggage of the entire movie, their conflict and the way they've connected in the background. But I think it's how in the end they're both battered and bruised. They're worn down, struggled to reach this point, and at the end Cassian managed to get up there to save Jyn with his last strength. It is all just scrambling for a win, giving it all they got to just do this one thing (the way everyone on their team has sacrificed themselves to get them here really just enforces that)

And then the moment in the elevator is just... not a word said but it gets me because it's so vulnerable. Both these characters have hard exteriors that they project to the world but in that moment they just look at each other with so much emotion and love. Cassians look especially is just so tired and yet love and admiration for Jyn. The performances here rly are.. it hits me. It's also physically intimate but in a way that just feels calm, soft, like they're resting. And it hits the feeling of, the realisation that exists between the characters from here on out "oh maybe we could've been something-".

and then out on the beach, they're proud. "do you think anybody's listening?". and the thing is, we know SOMEONE IS LISTENING. they did win. this isn't a tragedy of them trying and still failing, they've completed their mission. and they don't know it, but we do, they've saved the galaxy. because they decided to hope and love and do the right thing.

But the tragedy is that they're not going to make it. The fight is over. They're not going to survive this, but there is no fight left to take. They've done enough fighting, so for them to in the end face something so unavoidable is almost peaceful you know? The fact that they get to face the end together is beautiful, but that they have to die at all is so damn unfair. The comfort they share, the support, and god I think Diego Luna summed it up pretty well in the clip that "that hug represents everything that could have been but didn’t happen" ( x ). And so it is sad to mourn what they're losing, that they don't get to live in the galaxy they've saved. They don't get to see the end of the rebellion.

So in the end there's sadness between them as well, sadness and fear of the end, but they hold each other and find comfort in the other. Both emotional, but also as a reminder that they did win this together. Once again, the performances and the shots and everything is just beautiful. It is soft, intimate and the last closeups of their faces as they just hold the other will be stuck in my brain forever.

So in summary, I think the reason why it gets to me, that I'm feeling when typing this out, is that there is this blend of so many different emotions happening in this one sequence. This is also why I've been struggling with grasping it, because there's so much at the same time that captures different things from the human experience.

The vulnerability they dare to share with each other, the pride of winning, the fact that instead of doubt they embrace the hope of their rebellion! But then the sadness and sorrow of what could've been, fear of what to come, but also the comfort of having each other, having shared this experience and saved the galaxy. It is both that we feel what the characters are experiencing, but for the viewers that know they're faith isn't misplaces, that light will prevail, that someone is listening, that really just hits it home for me.