#i still know she has them its in my delusional ass head permanently

[dailykugisaki]

Day 112 | id in alt

Why does the cursed technique harm Inumaki but not okkotsu? Is it stupid???

[angstysebfan]

The Past Can Break You - 3

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

AU: Avengers

Summary: You and Bucky have been dating for aa few years. As far as you’re concerned he is the one. But what happens when a blast from the actual past shows up?

A/N: Ive seen a lot stories of Bucky getting his first love from the 40′s back. And I’ve always wondered... what would happen if he was dating someone already? Reader is from this time. Not proofread.

Warning: 

--

Bucky tried for several hours to try and get you to open the door. You ignored him, not wanting to see him because you were so angry with him. He promised he would change and make more time for you, and then he leaves you in the middle of sex for her! Dot is his priority, as far as you’re concerned. You roll your eyes as you think about the “trauma” she had. You know she is using their past to manipulate him, and he is being stupid and letting her. Well now he must face the consequences for his actions. 

You stare up at the ceiling of your old room as you again, for the millionth time, hear the knock and pleads of your boyfriend from the other side of the door. “Please, baby. Open up. I’ll let you scream at me, you can even hit me. I know I deserve it. Just let me see you, please,” he begs.

God this is getting pathetic, you thought. You sigh and figure it’s time to give him an earful and some food for thought. You walk over to the door and unlock it, before opening it to reveal Bucky looking disheveled. He still has no shirt on, just his sweats from last night.

“What could you possibly want me to say to you, Bucky? You obviously made your choice in this. You are allowing Dot to manipulate you to keep you away from me. She wants you back, and it’s completely obvious. You say you want to prioritize me, but you prioritized her! I’ve tried to be calm and understanding to what she is going though, but enough is enough!” you yell, causing Bucky to flinch.

He opens his mouth to speak but you continue, “Ever since she found out that we are dating, she has made it her sole mission to separate us. Do you even care that your actions are killing me? Do you even care that I have cried myself to sleep so many times at night that I forgot how to fall asleep without crying? Do you even care that you are shattering my heart with your actions?!” you yell as tears fall down your face.

Bucky now has tears falling as well as he takes in your words. He didn’t realize just how bad he had made the situation. He needed to fix this. He couldn’t lose you. You were the best thing that has ever happened to him, and he can’t believe that has been so stupid. He walks up and wraps his arms around you, allowing you to cry in his chest. He buries his face in your neck and cries also.

You don’t know how long you have been standing in your doorway crying, but after some time you pull away. Bucky looks at you with sad eyes, “Tell me it’s not too late for me to fix this. I-I don’t want to lose you,” he says in a raspy voice.

You sigh and look down, “I think I need some time to think about things. You need to figure out where your priorities lie. I’ll stay in here for a bit until I’m ready and then we can talk, okay?” you ask.

It breaks your heart to see the distraught nature of Bucky’s face at your words, but you need him to understand how his actions have made you feel. He nods and quickly pulls you into a hug and then slots his lips on yours in a heated kiss. When you pull away he looks you dead in the eyes, “I’m going to make this right. I am going to show you that you, and you alone are what I want and need. That you are my top priority. I promise,” he says.

As he turns and walks away, you can’t help but say, “Don’t make promises you might not be able to keep.”

Bucky stops and looks at you sadly. He really messed up. He finally turns away and walks back to your shared room, that he will now live in alone. When he closes the door he slides down to the ground and openly sobs. How could he be so stupid. How could he not see what was happening. Now he might lose the love of his life because of his past. 

--

Dot is sitting in her room, feeling rather victorious. She overheard your argument with Bucky, and knows that now that you are separating yourself from Bucky, she will have a better chance to win him back. She sighs at the thought of having her love back with her. She was surprised that he didn’t take her back immediately, as she was his first love. Yes, ok so it was like 80 years ago, but I mean the fact that they were both together after all this time, must be fate.

Suddenly her door opens and shows the man she has been thinking about. Dot looks up and smiles, “Hey Jamie! What’s wrong?” she asks, deciding to pretend she is innocent and knows nothing. Always worked with guys. So easy.

“We need to talk, now,” Bucky says, anger evident in his voice. 

Dot’s smile disappears. She figured he would be upset, but not angry, and not at her. “What’s going on?” she asks with a furrow of her brow.

“This is over, Dot. Whatever you are trying to do, it’s done. I know you are dealing with a lot, but you need to start figuring it out for yourself. I am done putting you before Y/N,” he says.

Dot can’t help but roll your eyes. “Oh is she upset with you again Jamie? I mean I understand being slightly threatened by our past, but she obviously doesn’t trust you. If she can’t trust you, then she isn’t good enough for you. Maybe it’s time for you to cut your loses and return to me,” Dot said.

“She has every reason to be upset! I’ve neglected her! I just want to know... are those panic attacks that you have even real,” he asks.

Dot feigns being offended, “How dare you! Of course they are! Look at all I have gone through! I volunteer for something back in the 40′s and wake up in 2020′s. There is a lot of thoughts and feelings I feel and I don’t know how to process them! Is she saying I am lying?”

“I am saying you are lying. You always seem fine when we are together, but the moment I go to my girlfriend you start freaking out. You are trying to keep me away from her,” Bucky says, his voice raising.

“I feel comfortable with you, Jamie! I love you! Of course I feel better when you are near! It’s not my fault you tried to move on! But tell me this, if you don’t love me like you did, and you love her, why then did you constantly leave your girl for me? You obviously are still in love with me! So dump the girl and let’s be together!” Dot yelled.

“You’re crazy! Seriously you are delusional! You use me being a good friend and a gentleman against me to separate me from the woman that I truly love. Well it stops now! You need to get your ass in gear because it will take me nothing to turn you out of the compound to fend for yourself. If Steve and I can make it work, so can you. And your trauma is nothing compared to what we have gone through. So get yourself together and figure your life out. I am done playing these games with you!” Bucky says before leaving Dot’s room.

Dot sat there stunned at the last outburst. If Bucky thinks that she will go down without a fight to the death for him, then he doesn’t know her at all. Dot always gets what Dot wants. No matter the cost.

--

Bucky knocked on Natasha’s door, trying to calm himself down from his conversation with Dot. Nat opened the door and immediately tried to close it, “Nat please! I need your help,” Bucky begged.

She rolled her eyes and allowed him in. He sat there and told her everything about what happened last night, and this morning with Y/N and Dot. Natasha smacked him upside the head at least 4 times for being dumb. When he was done explaining everything he looked sadly at Natasha, “So will you help me? I have a plan that will allow Y/N the time she asked to think, while also showing her that she is my priority. She is the love of my life. Please?” Bucky begged.

Nat knew how much you and Bucky loved each other. She knew how happy you both were, so she agreed to help. Bucky laid out the plan to Nat and they both agreed to set it in motion. Bucky felt better already. He told off Dot, got your best friend to help him, and now all he needed was to win you back. He hoped he wasn’t too late.

--

Chapter 2 / Chapter 4

Dot is trouble! What plans does he have up her sleeve? Will the reader forgive Bucky? Does he deserve it? 🤷🏻‍♀️Feedback is appreciated!

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[beomglocks]

terror ave. ; c.bg

warnings and other: um?, theres a serial killer, murder is mentioned, nothing too detailed, not proofread bc i wrote this at 4am

"we advise everyone to be in complete lockdown as there have seemed to have been reports of a serial killer gone loose in the area. so far no one has been injured but we suggest taking extra precautions tonight. please do not go outside during this time. lock your doors, close your windows, and turn off all the ligh-"

frowning, you look down at the tub of ice cream situated in between your legs. you lick the ice cream from your spoon as the rest of the news report gets drowned out by your thoughts. wait- shit i think i forgot to lock the back door... you shrug. you forgot that you had invited your neighbor beomgyu over, earlier in the day. he had insisted that he had a cool new pokemon to show you on his switch and you, stupidly, allowed him to show you. to your dismay, it only turned out to be a measly skwovet.

"gyu, you can literally catch these at route 1. you know, in the beginning of the game?" you had told him with a disappointed look on your face. "you're on your 5th gym."

he had gasped in offense, bringing his switch closer to his chest to shield the creature from further judgment. "y/n how dare you! it's the cutest pokemon in the game so of course, i went back to get one. don't you think you're being too mean?"

you giggled to yourself remembering the little back and forth. you've been living alone in your current house for only a couple of months. you were surprised your parents let you move out and have a whole house in the suburbs to yourself considering how strict and overprotective they were. upon moving, you quickly befriended choi beomgyu, the literal boy next door. he had offered to help you get your couch through the door and proceeded to eat his melting chocolate bar on said couch. from then on you and him have been best friends ever since, sometimes having him sleepover or vise versa.

you weren't worried about some rando serial killer in your neighborhood since nothing ever happened to you. you were convinced you weren't the main character.

from your couch, you looked outside to see that beomgyu's lights were already turned off. he must've gone to sleep early. your eyes catch the clock on your wall and you subconsciously yawn when you see how late it is. 1:56 am? damn... i should probably go to sleep too.

you pick up the tub of ice cream and take it back to your kitchen. its fucking chilly in here. you rub your arms as goosebumps start to form on them. you peek around the corner of the wall dividing your kitchen to where the back door is located. it's slightly cracked open and that raises some bit of concern in your head. again, you shrug. you remember beomgyu leaving out the back door since he liked coming in from the back instead of the front. an odd quirk of his that you never got to question him about because every time you tried he would simply smile at you cutely and say something like "its cool that's why."

you walk over to the door while being cautious about where you step since your house was pretty messy. you shut the door and sigh, dragging your body towards the living room again to turn the tv off. the news reporter was just about to give more instructions but frankly, you're too tired to care.

now that the tv was turned off you felt a weird sense of loneliness. the white noise being emitted from the screen becoming a bit too deafening to your ears to handle. you switch the tv off properly and toss the remote somewhere on the couch.

you walk up to your bedroom while scrolling through your Instagram feed. you laugh at the caption of beomgyu's latest post because it's alluding to the argument you both had earlier and type a comment hoping that he'll have time to read it when he wakes up.

when you reach your bedroom you toss your phone haphazardly on your bed and flop yourself into the sheets. today was fairly unproductive but that's been the premise of your days lately. you wonder how you manage to do absolutely nothing yet feel the weight of 10 thousand bricks on you back.

you sigh as you feel yourself slowly drift off to sleep but a noise in the room next door startles you. if you had been fully asleep you probably wouldn't have heard it but you're sure you heard a noise even in your half-asleep state. you sit up in your bed pulling the sheets closer to you. you decide to hold your breath in case you hear another noise or if you're just being delusional and sleep-deprived.

you wait for a while and after 5 minutes you don't hear anything. you sigh quietly but before you can settle back and get back to sleep you hear another noise. ok, you know for sure you have no roommates and beomgyu always tells you he's coming over before he does. the room you're hearing the noises from is the storage room where you keep all the extra furniture and miscellaneous items that you haven't had the chance to use or set up yet so nothing should be moving in there. you also recall the movers checking the house for any squatters since that seemed to be more common than most people would think. that day you had been happy and relieved to know that there was none of that in the house.

a thought crosses your mind that it could be the serial killer that's on the loose currently. if that's the case then the killer is in your house, a few feet away, in a room that has old kitchen knives that you decided don't need to be displayed.

you stare at your door while reaching for your phone. you can hear the person walking around the room and dragging the knives across the wall in a menacing manner and that's when the anxiety finally kicks in. your eyes start filling up with tears at the thought of a deranged serial killer being just a couple feet away from you, literally a wall away.

you feel your phone graze your hand and grab it shakily, slowly getting up from your bed. you don't wanna call anyone right now since the walls are thin, the killer might hear you then it's really game over. once you get to your bedroom door, you push it open so painfully slowly that you just wanna sob right there. you hate that something like this is seriously happening to you.

the killer doesn't seem to be out in the open yet. you figure they're still deep in the storage room. that gives you some time to get out of your house and maybe run to a police station or something. you walk out into the hall and cautiously walk down the stairs hoping they won't do that annoying thing where they creak in intense moments. thankfully though, you make it down the stairs.

immediately, you bolt out of your house. you don't know why but you have the sudden idea to ask beomgyu for help. you run to his house and ring the door repeatedly, you don't care if you're being annoying. you look back at your own house and all the lights are still turned off except for your bedroom lights which you left on. hopefully, the killer isn't persistent and won't come looking for you. you turn back to beomgyu's door and keep ringing the doorbell hoping his ass will wake up since you know he's a heavy sleeper. "come on, come on. fucking choi beomgyu, come on!" you whisper anxiously.

suddenly the door swings open and an angry but half asleep beomgyu is standing there. his hair is disheveled and his face is scrunched up in confusion and drowsiness. you push past him and jump on his couch covering yourself with one of his pillows. "y/n? what the fuck are you doing. it's like 2 am?" he shuts the door, walking over to you.

"is everything locked? the windows? the door just now?" you look up at him, biting your lip. "yes everything is locked and look," you watch him walk back to the front door and lock it. "now the door is locked. mind telling me why you bum-rushed into my house at the ass crack of dawn?"

"gyu-" you can't even manage to get a proper sentence out because a broken sob leaves your mouth rather than words. you walk up to him and hug him tightly. you don't care that you're probably soaking his t-shirt with your tears, you need him to know that you really care about him and you were almost permanently separated from him today. "y/n?"

"gyu t-the killer. the s-serial killer! he's in m-my house right now," you sob even harder into his shirt and you're glad he feels warm because those 2 minutes of ringing his doorbell out there made you almost freeze to death. especially since you're only wearing your pjs which consisted of a t-shirt and short shorts.

you feel him hug you back and you sigh shakily as he rubs your back to comfort you. "y/n," he says simply. you pull away from him, which you immediately regret because you start to feel cold again. "w-we need to call the police," you wipe your tears harshly but to no avail, since they just keep falling against your will.

you take your phone from your pocket and start to dial but beomgyu takes your phone from you and pockets it into his sweats. "y/n, i've never seen you cry. you look so pretty when you cry," he leans closer to your face and you flinch when he brings his hand up to caress your cheek before wiping a stray tear from it.

"gyu, we need t-to call the police! it's not the time f-for games. give me my phone please," you move his hand away from your face and motion for him to give your phone back. he chuckles right in your face, mockingly.

"please, she says."

you watch expectantly as he takes your phone out of his pocket but feel your heart drop with it as he lets it fall to the floor with a deafening crack. if that wasn't enough, you watch in disbelief as he stomps on it with force, effectively rendering it useless.

your eyes start to fill with tears again and the sinking feeling that beomgyu isn't gonna help you starts to settle. "w-why," you blubber. you fall to the ground in defeat and confusion. you don't even have the strength to run to the door to get proper help because you felt you had no energy after watching beomgyu turn his back on you.

"ever since you moved here i've had my eye on you. i really like you y/n. scratch that, i love you y/n. the other girl that lived in the house before you was boring so i had her killed off within the first week of her moving here. i mean she was pretty but you're gorgeous, i like you much more." he lifts you off the ground and examines your face to see how your taking in this information. you can't even speak because of the burning sensation in your throat from trying to hold back your tears so hard.

"i bailed that asshole killer out of jail and hired him to kill people for me," he continues. "didn't actually wanna get my hands dirty."

he moves you to sit on the couch as if this is just another normal conversation between friends. it finally clicks in your head what's happening and you stand up and snap at him. "what the fuck gyu? i thought you were just a regular person what the fuck is wrong with you!" you begin to walk to the front door but he grabs you with a force you've never felt him use before.

"y/n really? i've been protecting you this whole time!" you can sense that his patience is thinning. "all this time! when we walked to the store and those guys catcalled you, i had them killed. that guy that hit on you in our seminar class, he's gone!" he smiles wickedly and you hate the fact that he still looks like your adorable best friend.

"y/n you're the only for me. im sorry i scared you but i knew if the serial killer went to your home you'd come running to me," you feel him rubbing your hand soothingly and you pull away from him with disgust.

"don't touch me! i'm going to the police, this is fucking sick." before you can even reach the door you hear something click. you feel a cold metal around your wrist and when you look down you see that beomgyu has handcuffed you to the door. "you're not leaving y/n, do i really have to do this to you? i've been waiting for months just for you to run away?" he whispers.

"beomgyu let me go right now," you seethe. the anxiety you felt before is only heightened when you look around and catch someone leaving from your house. "beomgyu please," you resort to petty pleads.

he pouts at you, "don't worry y/n i'm not gonna hurt you, i would never." he gives you a tender kiss on your forehead before standing up again. 

"i just want you to myself that's all."

[ingridgovaninsights]

The Charlotte Chapters- Part 9

A lot of the time, my anxiety caused physical symptoms, too- feeling lightheaded; a fluttering heart; and sweaty palms- and I’d need to go lie down if the feelings got too intense. I wouldn’t say I was only worrying about Oliver- I was concerned about several things. For instance, I wasn’t going to work at the restaurant forever. What did I want to do? I had to figure that out, which was a big decision… I had to consider school, extra training or certifications, or could I dive into something I was already “qualified” for?

There were far too many questions and not enough answers. All of this, with Oliver thrown into the mix, made for a disaster. And I knew it was silly to fret over someone I just met and barely knew, but I couldn’t help myself for some reason.

Apparently there had been nothing to worry about, because Oliver eventually responded. And his message to me was promising:

Do you want to go out for a drink on Friday? I’m buying.

Of course, I wouldn't let him buy, but I sure as hell wanted to see him again. I responded eagerly, like a child answering if they’d like a chocolate bar or not. Duh!

The fact that Oliver responded eased my anxiety a great deal, but soon after a new cause for concern came up- would I screw something up on Friday? Would I be extremely awkward, or too weird? Would I talk too much or not enough?

I was doing- or at least trying to do- the dishes. The dishes had piled high in the sink until we eventually had to do them… the clutter reminded me a lot of my mind. When I realized I was scrubbing the same plate for about ten minutes, I dropped everything and decided I couldn’t be productive today. I texted Elliott and asked if we could hang out; I needed to get my mind off of things.

It had been a while since we’d hung out, but nevertheless Elliott was there within the hour. When he saw me, I could see concern immediately cross his face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, assuming there was in fact something wrong.

“Nothing,” I mumbled, getting into his car and buckling in. “Why?”

“Bullshit,” he said. “Tell me what’s going on.”

I shrugged. “Life is just… too much sometimes. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t know what it is I want to do. Everything is scary.”

“What’s scaring you?”

“Everything.”

“Okay, smart ass,” he chuckled. “What has been really bugging you lately?”

I wasn’t answering his question, so Elliott sped out of the driveway and made our way towards the highway. I knew we weren’t headed anywhere specifically; Elliott loved to just fly down the highway at unnerving speeds, all four windows down, letting the wind hit his face- he enjoyed the risk that came with it- and he’d only been pulled over maybe two or three times, somehow let off with warnings. Elliott knew how to smooth talk an officer, and it showed with his lack of speeding tickets.

“Tell me what’s going on!” he shouted over the wind, the engine and the radio.

Frustrated, I twisted the volume dial all the way to OFF. Elliott almost looked offended when I did so; one of his favourite songs was on. Did he want me to talk or not?

“I started chatting with a man at work a few nights ago,” I said finally. “We had a great conversation, we seemed to hit it off quite well, but… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “How would I know something I don’t know?”

“What?”

“Never mind. Elliott, I just needed someone to talk to. I’m anxious, okay? I’m anxious, and I’m feeling pretty down. I have no fucking clue what I’m doing most of the time.”

Elliott knew me extremely well, but sometimes he wasn’t the best at saying what you wanted to hear. A lot of people were wary of him because he said what most people were too afraid to say- he spoke the truth. This is something I knew about him- and I’d known it for years- but it still shocked me almost every time.

“You need to figure something out,” he said. “Look for a better job. You’re clearly unhappy with it. Spend some time and do some job hunting. Look for apartments so you can get out and live on your own again. And as for that dude, just send him a text. What’s the big deal?”

What’s the big deal? I suppose it depends on who you ask. Why was Elliott often so indifferent to everything?

“Everything’s a lot easier said than done,” I told him. “Especially when you’re scared of everything.”

Elliott shrugged. “Don’t be scared. Or at least pretend not to be scared. What’s the point? You’re going to have to do something eventually; you can’t just sit idle and wait for something to change on its own.”

What he said had a lot of truth to it, but the way he chose to express it was… harsh. To the point. After not seeing Elliott for a couple of years, it was a shock to the system. For two years I drowned myself in Ross, and only Ross, who almost never expressed anything truthfully- the words that spewed out of his mouth were almost always delusional. Whether he was aware of it or not, I am not sure. The only thing I am sure of is the damage that it did to me, and how much it warped my understanding of reality.

“What if I don’t want to do anything?” I asked. “What if the only thing I can think about doing right now is swerving us into the next lane of traffic, so that none of this will be a problem anymore?”

“Okay, Charlotte, that’s incredibly stupid of you to say,” Elliott said. “That would be a permanent fix to a temporary problem. You know that right? These problems you are experiencing won’t be forever. And you’re willing to just take the steering wheel from me and end it all prematurely because you’re scared?”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“How am I tempting you? I don’t understand, Charlotte. All I’m doing is being honest with you. I am a person that likes to cut through the bullshit, because believe me, there’s a lot of bullshit out there. Trust me, you do not want to kill yourself.”

“Why not?”

He sighed. “I’m going to let you think about that for a minute.”

I thought about it, I really tried, but in that moment I couldn’t see any reason why I shouldn’t. Looking back, it was totally irrational and frightening to think that way, and I am really glad that Elliott did what he did and said what he said.

I began to cry- hard and purposeful. I cried for everything that had happened, because everything was so unfair and cruel. I cried because I pitied myself, and I wanted that to stop but I had no idea how. I thought about how stupid Ross made me feel, how everybody could see it for so long except for me. I curled up on the passenger seat, tight like a warm hug, and sobbed with no restraint.

Elliott didn’t say anything, but rather he got off at the next exit and floored it through the town. He had a podcast playing on the radio, streaming it from his phone, and I think it was supposed to be funny but I couldn’t even begin to try and distract myself.

Elliott was chuckling a bit at the show. Perhaps not even chuckling; he was pushing slightly more air out of his nostrils at things that were “funny”. I know he wasn’t trying to be offensive by laughing in a time like this- some people need to laugh as a coping strategy. Elliott was trying to stay calm, trying to keep himself collected so that he could take care of me, who felt anything but that.

It was hard to explain, but in my time of intense anxiety and depression, I felt very detached from reality. Sounds seemed far away, voices didn’t sound real, and my surroundings didn’t feel very present. It was like I was being forced to watch a movie, and it was my movie but I didn’t realize it. If my life were a movie, it would probably be one of those bad independent films that people always skipped by on Netflix. Maybe a few weirdos would watch it, but then it would be taken down after a while because it had one star and not enough views.

Anyways, since I was feeling so distant at the time, I had no idea that Elliott was driving me to the hospital. But sure enough, we ended up there. Elliott was still perfectly calm, his face expressionless. He got out of the car, walked around to the passenger door and helped me out. I was still crying, but I had gone to silent crying now because I was slowly running out of energy.

The first part was a bit of a blur- Elliott guided me to the intake area, and a staff member asked me about a million questions that were probably straightforward but took me forever to answer. When I went silent, Elliott filled in the blanks for me.

He gave them a bit of background information- I’d just gone through a rough breakup from a long term relationship; I had to move cities in a hurry; I had to lose my job and quickly find a new one; I had a history of anxiety and depression. All of that fun stuff.

I was given a hospital bracelet and was told to take a seat. After what seemed like a whole lot of waiting, we were moved to another waiting room in the mental health ward. Elliott even appeared to be getting restless, but I could tell he was trying not to come across that way.

“I need to go grab a coffee or something,” he said. “Can I get you anything?”

I reached for his hand, and he immediately recoiled. “Elliott… don’t go. Don’t leave me alone here, please. I’m scared.”

Elliott looked around. “You’re safe here. You can’t be anywhere safer than a hospital, Charlotte. I’m going to go get a coffee. You are fine.”

Without waiting for a response, he went out the doors into the hallway, and I noticed he stopped to check something on his phone. He was making a call; I could hear some of what he was saying, but it was a bit difficult to decipher.

“...Don’t worry… yes… no… okay, don’t say that. Why do you say that? You’re being ridiculous. Uh-huh. Yeah, you are. Look, she needs my help, okay? What am I supposed to do?”

I could only assume he was talking to Victoria. I hadn’t even thought about the idea that she would be upset about Elliott bringing me to the hospital- how selfish and thoughtless can one be?

“Victoria, I’m going to hang up now,” I could hear him saying.

And then his voice was gone; I assumed he went for that coffee he wanted so badly. I sat, fidgeting in my chair, hoping no one would call me before he got back. It was unlikely- there were maybe four people who had been waiting here when I got in.

There was a young girl, maybe seventeen or eighteen, sitting with maybe her mother, to the right of me. She had her head resting on her shoulder, and she was sobbing quite heavily. She was very pretty, and very thin. Her long blonde hair hung over her face.

To the left, another young person- a boy probably about the same age as the girl- sat watching the TV with “dead” eyes, the very opposite of the girl on the right. It’s fascinating how differently mental health troubles can manifest.

A tall, middle aged man was pacing back and forth in front of me; he looked extremely familiar. Wait a second… it was Rob, the biker, the friend of Sid’s. What was he doing here? Small world, I suppose.

He didn’t seem to recognize me at all. He looked straight at me, but there was no form of recognition on his face. He looked like a mess- his red beard was long and unruly, sticking out in every direction. He repeatedly kept going to scratch his beard, tug at it, for whatever reason. Maybe it was a stress release. His pacing grew quicker and angrier with each lap he took. He kept glancing over at the nurse’s station behind the glass.

“You know how much longer it’s gonna be?” he shouted at them. “I gotta call my lawyer, and I gotta call my mom.”

The nurse smiled. “It shouldn’t be much longer, Rob. I promise you, you are next.”

There were two nurses- the one who had just spoken was a short lady probably in her mid fifties; short greying hair, glasses, and grey scrubs. The other nurse was very young looking- she had to be no older than twenty five- with long brown hair done up in a bun. She watched Rob curiously, eager to learn. Perhaps she was a student.

Rob rolled his eyes and continued to pace. I fidgeted in my seat. The energy in the room was very tense. After a few more laps, Rob walked over to the glass and smacked it hard with strong, large hands.

“You said it wouldn’t be long!” he screamed. “My mom is worried. I gotta call my mom. I gotta call my lawyer. I need to use the phone.”

The older nurse got up and grabbed a cup of water and two small pills. She came out from her station and handed this to him.

“What is this for?” Rob asked.

“Just something to calm you down a bit,” she said simply.

“Oh, okay.” Rob took the pills, took a long drink of water and crushed the paper cup in his fist. He handed her the crumpled mess. “Thanks.”

Rob kept pacing, and every so often he would smack the wall or scream a curse word. I sensed that he wasn’t going to become violent with anybody, otherwise they would have brought in security a long time ago. But then again, security was probably a phone call away, or right outside the door.

Elliott finally returned, carrying two coffees. He sat down beside me and handed me one.

“Did I miss anything?” he asked.

“Nope,” I said. “They still haven’t called me.”

As soon as I said that, two security officers walked into the room and approached Rob. The two nurses also came out of their station and started chatting with them quietly. Rob looked considerably calmer, but he still had one question.

“Will I be able to call my lawyer, and my mom? I need to use the phone.”

“Come with us, Robert,” one of the officers said calmly, “we’ll get you all set up okay?”

Why wouldn’t anyone answer the man? As he disappeared through the automatic doors, going who knows where, I really hoped that he got the chance to call his mother.

***

When I was finally seen by a doctor, I didn’t find it to be particularly helpful. But to be fair, I wasn’t in a very optimistic mood, and I wasn’t expecting some magical cure. The doctor took notes, made eye contact far too frequently for my liking, and asked a lot of the same questions I got asked at intake, which seemed unproductive.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but he told me I needed to get in touch with my family doctor, but for now he’d prescribe me some anxiety medication. He gave me a business card for a mental health agency so that I could set myself up with a therapist. Yeah, it’s great to suggest that someone with anxiety make a scary phone call. I was totally going to follow through with that. I found myself rolling my eyes.

“Is there something else you think might help you right now?” he asked, noticing my strong reaction to his suggestions.

“Honestly, no,” I said. “It wasn’t my idea to come here.”

[destieldrabblesdaily]

is it me or the fandom opinion is so far apart about destiel now?? between d/c fans believe it will be canon and others saying it is stupid to still ship it or waste time with it? i know you don't keep up with canon destiel much so is it because you think other are dumb for believing still? only asking, not hating but you are usual right about this stuff & i am wondering what you think will be the end for destiel on supernatural?

Hey! :)

Look,you’re not dumb, nobody is dumb. I do mostly agree with you on theoptimism/pessimism part, but me not being invested in canon has little to dowith me thinking that fellow fans are ‘stupid’ for seeing Destiel or still believingin it. And like, me versus canon SPN in general is a subject that I won’t get into becauseit’s not all that relevant in this case, so it would be a waste of anyone’stime, really. :p

But goingback to your question… By now I’ve watched so many movies and TV shows; I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve seen this particular trope, but I too know that amixtape is never used as a platonic thing, not when they emphasize it likethat. Aside from this, there is the never ending mirror between the Dean/Casand Cas/Sam relationship (both supposedly good buddies, yet you’d be blind tonot spot the difference) that they keep throwing in our faces (especially ins11/s12) to the point where it isn’t even funny anymore. :p It would be likesomeone physically hitting me on the head with a mirror, repeatedly, and mebeing like “oh wow, I see or feelnothing, what are you talking about?”

I see it,same as you see it. All of that can’t be an accident, for the sole reason thatthere’s just too much of it at this point for it to be a coincidence. Again, nobody is stupid for having a pair of functioning eyes. 

As for whereit’s going: I think there was a time when a lot of Destiel shipping fans wereafraid that they’d throw in a random love interest for Dean at the very lastminute (because an endgame romance for Dean was hinted at several times), but 12 seasons in it’s safe to say that this isn’t what they’re planning. Dean’s latest one nightstand says it all; the writers themselves can’t even bother to come up with astory there, all you know is her name and that she wants to bang Dean. If theyhad any intentions to go somewhere with another random love interest and makeit believable, they would’ve started building it up by now. They haven’t though, and I thinkthis is because in the end they will do what they’ve been doing for the entiretyof the show; throw everyone just enough bones to keep all sides of the fandom remotelyhappy. And hey, not gonna lie, if this was me making a living, I’d probably dothe same.

So I thinkfor the endgame (gosh isn’t that a popular word these days, lol!), where we’reat now, there’s no need to fear the writers throwing in random (lasting) lastminute love interests for either Dean or Cas. Like, almost going into season13, that ship has sailed, no pun intended.

At the sametime I think that they want to end the show (whether that means season 13 or14) on a positive note for everyone. Whether it be bro only fans that insistthat the show is only about Sam and Dean, or the Dean/Cas shippers that they’vebeen slapping in the face with romantic tropes and the possibility of anexclusive love story for over 8 years now.

So assumingthat Team Free Will will live (which I believe they will, considering that thisshow can’t make either of the three stay dead for too long, let alone ending the show with one of them dying permanently), what’s in thecards is probably a Team Free Will ending, with a Dean/Cas relationship thatthey will keep very open to interpretation, to the point where Dean/Casshippers can plausibly say ‘AH it was a thing after all, they’ll be getting together now’,whereas at the same time bro only fans can say ‘it wasn’t literally confirmed though,y'all are delusional for even thinking this’.

Becausehey, wouldn’t that be a typical ending for this show and its fandom? If I were a clever writer with a dilemma like this, that’s how I would go about it to save my own ass. :p And sure, some would call it baiting, but that is a story for another day. :’)