#i swear everyone has these conversations and forgets i’m not a part of them

[selfconsumerofmywoes]

if people want to visit me i’m going to need at least a week’s warning

[bqstqnbruin]

Forget About Us

Hello this is my first fic in like almost 6 months inspired by Forget About Us by Perrie Edwards

Thanks to my loves @nicohischier @assmanselke and @matthewtkachuk for yelling at me and letting me yell about this fic :)

Summary: Carson meets Jack, Jack falls for Carson, Carson does what she wants.

Word count: 7.4k

Warnings: Swearing, drinking, aNGST

Flashbacks are in italics. Also, I swear I read through this more than once but there might be errors unintentionally 😬

_________________________________________

Looking up into the stands, every game he plays in this city, he’s looking for her. He had been doing it for the past few years, always expecting to see her.

___________________________

“Can you stop pouting? We’re going to go out after the game,” Morgan begs. 

“I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to be here or anywhere else besides my bed.” 

Morgan rolls her eyes, sitting down in her seat. “Carson, you never go out.”

“Because I never want to go out,” she repeats. “I don’t have the money to go out.” 

“The tickets were free from my job and I told you I would pay for your drinks tonight.” 

“I don’t feel good,” Carson whines, knowing that it still wouldn’t be enough. 

“You’re fine.”

“I’m on my period.”

“So am I, what’s your point?”

“Your period doesn’t make you double over in pain for three days.”

“This is the fourth day of your period when you have told me you always feel fine. And your period has been regular since you were fifteen when you went on birth control.”

“I don’t like that you know that.”

“Then maybe don’t tell me the same thing like a broken record every month?” Carson continues to pout, even though her friend is right. “Do you really not want to be here? We can leave after the first period if you really aren’t having fun. But, you do keep telling me you’ve been wanting to come to a game since we moved here.”

“No,” she drags out. “I just had a bad day at work.”

“What happened?”

The teams start coming out onto the ice for warm-ups, everyone booing the away team. It made no sense. They weren’t even actual rivals. The other team, from Carson’s understanding, was so inconsequential that they shouldn’t even matter. But who was she to argue? 

“Anthony came by work today.” 

“Anthony? Like Anthony, your ex, Anthony?”

“No, Anthony Michael Hall from The Breakfast Club.”

“What did he say?”

She and Morgan had this same conversation every week. “He wants to get back together.”

“And you told him, ‘no,’ right?”

“I’m grumpy, not stupid.” 

Morgan sighs. Anthony kept showing up at the cafe Carson worked at between classes to ask for her back for the last month. He didn’t seem to care about the fact that they wanted wildly different things in their lives and that they weren’t going to work. Carson wanted to get her JD and leave New Jersey for good. She was tired of the debate over whether or not the central part of the state existed, if it was called Taylor Ham or Pork Roll, and which beach down the shore was the best. She wanted out as soon as possible, and Anthony wanted to stay here and settle down. He wanted someone who wanted to be at home with the kids, which Carson really didn’t want. The only way she could think about staying in New Jersey was if her partner wanted everything else she wanted. Whoever she ended up with had to be everything else to her. Anthony wasn’t it.

Morgan slowly forms a smile on her face, one that immediately makes Carson panic. “Whatever you’re thinking, don’t do it.”

“Who said I’m going to do something that you’ll hate?”

“Every past action that you’ve done without talking to me about it first says you’re going to do something I’m going to end up hating.” 

Morgan rolls her eyes, pulling out her wallet and handing Carson her debit card. “Here, you go get us beer and pizza so that way you don’t have to see what I’m about to do.” Carson sits there, Morgan shoving the card into her hands. “Go.” 

Both of them get up from their seats, Carson feeling a sense of panic as she watches her roommate go down to the ice while typing furiously on her phone. Carson tries to get back to their seats as fast as she can, worried about what antics she was about to be dragged into. She wanted to be home early that night so she could start studying for one of her exams that week. She did not have time to do whatever it was that Morgan was planning to do. 

“Here,” Morgan hands her something as she sits back down, Carson still trying to figure out how to balance two overflowing drinks and two slices of pizza larger than her own head. “I got this for you.”

“You got me a puck?” 

“Yes.”

“Ok?”

“You could say thank you.”

“Thank you for a piece of rubber that could probably break a bone if you get hit with it hard enough.”

“You’ll get the rest of what I got you tonight.”

“I swear to god,” Carson starts. “I’m not god, but I am close to a goddess.”

Carson groans, trying to focus on anything other than the terror that she was sure was about to come to her tonight. One of the players kept looking up at her, over his shoulder and seemingly ignoring his teammates. “What did you do?”

Morgan shrugs, nudging Carson’s shoulder as she waves at the player. “His name is Jack.”

“Just because I’m studying law, that doesn’t mean I’m above breaking at least one of them.” 

“Yes, it does.” 

The game starts, Carson’s eyes staying on the one player who had been watching her before. He gave her the vibes of someone who would end up naked and drunk in the hallway of her dorm in college, passed out and unsure of where his pants or keys were. 

“He’s cute, isn’t he?” Morgan asks once the second period starts. 

Carson doesn’t make a noise, just nodding. He was the exact type of mistake she would make on a night out when she needed to forget about something. “Why does he keep staring?”

“Probably for the same reason you’re staring at him even if you do look like you want to kill him.” Carson turns to glare at Morgan. “I’m just saying, you might be hot, but you also look like you could commit a felony right now.” 

Carson sighs, waiting for the end of the game. She had no idea what was going on, but Morgan seemed to be into it at least. 

Carson lets out a yawn as the fans start to file out of the arena, Morgan dragging her along behind her. “Can we please just go home?” 

“No, I have a surprise for you.”

“Last time you had a surprise for me, I ended up needing three of my tires replaced.”

“And they gave you the fourth one for free, anyway,” Morgan grabs Carson’s hand, pulling her in the direction of some bar she wouldn’t remember the name of in the morning.

Carson knew that no matter how much she complained to Morgan, her friend would have something to counter every whine. They had lived together all four years of college before finally somehow scraping together enough money to each get their own places, despite the fact that they were still neighbors in their apartment building. Morgan, unfortunately, could get Carson to do anything she asked her to since she knew exactly how to make it so Carson wouldn’t say no. Most of the time, it involved physically dragging Carson places, like she was doing right now, but it always somehow worked.

“I’m paying for drinks,” Morgan tells her, dropping Carson’s hand as they two walk into the unreasonably crowded and slightly smelly bar. 

“Yeah, like that was in question,” Carson tells her. 

“You go sit down, I’ll find you.” 

Morgan leaves Carson alone. The scene around her made her want to run away, except for the fact that Morgan could track her location and would not be above chasing her down the street and dragging her back to the bar. Everyone seemed like they were five drinks in, Carson feeling anxious about being what seemed to be the only sober person around. 

“You ok?” a voice comes behind her, snapping her out of her potential spiral. She turns around, the guy from the game standing in front of her. 

“This isn’t real,” she mutters, shaking her head. How the hell did Morgan manage this? 

“What?” the guy asks, understandably confused.

“Sorry,” Carson says. “I mean, yeah, I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.” 

“I’m dehydrated.”

“Can I get you water, then?”

“No.”

“But, wouldn’t that help with the dehydration thing?”

Carson stares at him, dumbfounded. “I can get water myself,” she says, her tone a little harsher than she intended it to be. 

“I’m Jack,” he introduces himself, not getting the message at all. 

“That’s nice.” 

“Do you have a name?”

“No, that spot on my birth certificate has been blank for the last twenty four years. Everyone calls me whatever nickname they can think of. The current one is ‘Maverick.’” 

Jack opens his mouth to say something, Morgan appearing in between them before he can get a word in. “You actually came!”

“How could I pass up coming to meet someone as sweet as your friend here after the game?”

Carson barely knew him, but she already knew he would be a thorne in her side. 

“She’s already been mean to you, hasn’t she?” Morgan laughs, finally handing Carson the drink she got for her. 

“Hey,” Carson tries to protest, despite both of them ignoring her. 

“It’s fine. It’s kinda hot,” he smirks, staring at Carson. She didn’t care that she couldn’t help but stare back, her cheeks bright red at his words.

___________________________

She always sat in the same general area, a few rows from the top of the section right behind their bench. It was easy to find her. How could he not at least try?

___________________________

“Why are you anxious?” Morgan asks, plopping down on Carson’s couch.

“Who said I was anxious?”

“You’re scrunchie.”

“What could that possibly mean?”

“You’re scrunching your brow so much and frowning so hard that you have wifi symbols showing on your face. You only do that when you’re anxious.” 

“Please don’t say that to me ever again.” Carson lets out a sigh. She shouldn’t be anxious. She’s done things that were so much more difficult than this. She graduated with a 4.0 GPA in high school and college. She participated in every possible extra curricular that she could, and did so perfectly. She had her life scheduled down to the minute, when she would study, eat, have free time. She didn’t have time to be anxious. “Jack is supposed to be here any minute.”

Morgan lets out a squeal so high that Carson covers her ears. “You’re finally going on a date with him?” 

“If you want to call it that.” 

“Tell me everything,” Morgan says, plopping herself at Carson’s feet.

“No.” 

“Carson,” Morgan whines.

“Morgan,” Carson counters. “I don’t even know where we’re going. From what it sounds like, it’s not even going to be just us, it’s something with the team.”

“He’s taking you to meet the rest of his team?” she yells. 

“If you get that loud again, I’m throwing you out the window.”

“We both know your window doesn’t open far enough for me to get out of it, we’ve tried. Anyway,” Morgan continues, ignoring Carson’s annoyance, as usual. “That means something if he already wants you to know his teammates.”

“It means he already had plans with them when he asked me to go out with him and is dragging me somewhere I wasn’t otherwise invited.” 

“You could be positive sometimes, you know.”

“There’s no fun in that.” 

“Carse,” Morgan says, “He wouldn’t be inviting you if he didn’t like you. He wouldn’t have been texting you every waking moment that he could if he didn’t like you.” 

“It’s kind of annoying.” 

“That’s because you are a black hole personified and he’s the human equivalent of a dumb puppy.” 

Carson scrunches her face while she looks at her friend. “That’s mean.” 

“I’m trying to say that you two are different. And that’s ok. He’s more extroverted than you are. You’re still going to have fun because you’re going to be with him.” Carson looks at her, unsure. “If you’re not fine, I have your location and I will come join you guys, or come pick you up.” 

“Why am I nervous?”

“Probably because this is the first guy you’re going out with that doesn’t look like a dead baby bird.”

“Sometimes, inside thoughts can stay inside.” 

“My point,” Morgan starts, pulling Carson up to lead her out the door, “Is that he’s not your normal type and you don’t know what to do, so you’re panicking. But, again, you’ll be fine.”

Before Carson could say anything else, a knock came from the other side of her door. Morgan opens it, Jack standing there with his hands in his jeans pocket. 

“Wow,” Morgan verbalizes what Carson was thinking as she tries not to ogle at Jack. His jeans fit him way more perfectly than she would have liked, the t-shirt he had on showing off his arms in a way that made her feel like she was actually about to start drooling. For fucks sake.

“I think Carson is supposed to say that,” Jack jokes, leaning against the door frame. 

“Jesus Christ,” Carson groans, Morgan laughing as she pushes her way past Jack to head back to her place.

“Actually, they call me Jack.” 

“If you keep this up all night, I’m not leaving this apartment.”

“Is this your way of asking me to come in?”

“Absolutely not. We’re going now to meet your friends or you’re going by yourself.” 

Carson didn’t see Jack physically swoon at Carson as she walked past him, a stupid grin on his face as he watched her walk away from him. 

___________________________

Morgan was sitting next to her, the two of them seeing less of each other now that they didn’t live with or next to each other anymore. Carson was laughing at something Morgan was telling her, the smile on her face reaching her eyes. 

___________________________

“What are you doing right now?”

Carson groaned, knowing that any time Jack was asking her to do something lately, it was to pull her away from something she actually had to get done. “Studying.”

“When’s the test?”

“Next week.”

“Come out with me.”

“No.”

“I’m picking you up, I’m turning onto your street now.”

Jack hangs up before Carson can protest, her immediately texting Morgan to tell her she was being kidnapped.

‘You aren’t being kidnapped, you aren’t a kid.’

‘Kidnapping is anytime a person’s liberty is restrained by force and taken to another location.’

Before Morgan could text back, Jack was knocking at her door.

“I’m not going.” 

“Come on. Half an hour?” he begs her. Carson glares at him. “I’ll buy ice cream.”

“I’m lactose intolerant.”

“Says that three cheese pizza you downed the other night.” Carson continues to glare at him. “Please? I’m leaving tomorrow for a week and a half. It’ll be the last time I can bother you until then.”

Carson rolls her eyes, shutting her textbook with her highlighter keeping her page like a bookmark. “I’m studying in the car.” Jack smiles at her, holding his hand out for her. Carson smirks, grabbing another book from her table and putting it in his hands instead. 

Jack runs to follow her, his free hand on the small of her back, a smile on his face as she didn’t fight it. They get in his car, the windows down and the radio blasting as he peels away from where he was parked. 

Jack starts talking, Carson not listening in the slightest as she continues to read the book in her lap, just like she promised. 

“Wait, shut up,” Carson finally says, reaching over to turn up the music that was already loud. “I love this song.”

Jack laughs, glancing at her as he pulls up to a stop light. “Seriously? 1985 by Bowling for Soup?”

“My childhood best friend and I would listen to this song all the time growing up,” Carson explains,the smile on her face something Jack rarely got to see but loved every time. Jack’s smile mirrored hers as she started to sing along. He couldn’t help but laugh again as he listened to her. “What?”

“You are a horrible singer.”

“Yeah, because you would be better,” she snides, looking back at her book.

“Oh, of course I would be,” he says, starting to sing along with her. 

Carson cackles, a sound Jack had never heard from her before. “You are just as bad as I am.”

___________________________

He thought of her whenever that song played, his heart beating faster every time the opening guitar riff played through whatever speaker he was near. He never purposefully listened to that song. The song never played in any of the arenas they played in, except for Rogers Arena, like it was now.

___________________________

“What do you mean, ‘we’re going out tonight?’” Carson groans.

“You just finished finals, Quinn is in town, and we’re heading down the shore for the weekend.” 

“So I have to pack for a whole weekend?” 

“Unless you plan on wearing the same thing for four days, I suggest you do,” Jack says, Morgan laying on Carson’s bed laughing.

“I wish you were helpful,” Carson says, throwing a shirt at Morgan. “I’m not here to be helpful, I’m here to be comic relief.” 

“Then you should try being funny sometimes.” 

Jack laughs, his phone buzzing with a call. “I’ll be right back,” he says, getting up and answering it out of Carson’s room.

Once he was out of earshot, Morgan sits up, a giddy look on her face that caused a pit to form in Carson’s stomach. “You’re going away with him for a weekend!” Carson grimaces. “You aren’t excited?”

Carson sighs, getting up to close her door so Jack can’t hear them. “I think he wants more from whatever this is than I do.”

“What do you mean?” Morgan whispers.

“I can’t see a relationship with him.”

“Carse, he’s perfect.”

“He kind of is. Which is why I don’t see it. Anthony was perfect.”

“No, Anthony was the human equivalent of a stale ham sandwich who, if brains were money, wouldn’t have been able to buy a cup of coffee.”

“Go eat something.”

“What?”

“Your metaphors turn food related when you’re hungry.”

“My point is,” Morgan says, getting up. “Anthony is not Jack. Don’t ruin something before it starts because of something that happened with someone else.” “Hey,” Jack says, startling both of them. “Sorry, Luke was asking if we were on his way to pick him up. Are we ready to head out?” 

___________________________

He was so busy staring at her that he didn’t realize that Luke had skated up to his side.

“You didn’t know she’d be here?” Jack shakes his head. “Quinn doesn’t know you still love her?”

He shakes his head.

___________________________

Carson hated to admit it, but she was having a good time. She hated to admit that she needed to relax, especially after the intensity that she had when she was taking finals. They were sitting around a fire one of them had set up on the beach, the smell of smoke hitting Carson right in the face, the night air starting to chill around them. The guys were all laughing, their partners sitting in their laps as a few of them fell asleep. 

“Where’s Quinn?” Luke leans over Carson to ask Jack.

“You have his location,” Carson says before Jack can answer. The brothers keep anticipating Quinn with every new person that shows up, their usually prompt brother still MIA.

“I don’t know where my phone is.”

“What’s that in your left hand, bud?” 

“Right,” Luke draws out as Carson and Jack both laugh at him. “He’s supposed to be here any minute.” 

Luke gets up to head back to the house for what he claims is to use the bathroom. “He hasn’t been drunk in a while. He gets dumber as he drinks,” Jack tells her. 

Carson checks the can of beer he left behind. “Isn’t this his first drink of the night?”

“Yeah, why?”

“This can is still full.”

“He might just be dumb.” 

“Bold of you to call someone else dumb,” an unfamiliar voice comes from behind their circle around the fire. 

“I was just about to say that,” Carson says to the guy who must be Quinn, given how much he looks like his brother. 

“God, I never realized there’s two of you,” Jack says to Quinn, the color draining from his face.

“I don’t think you’d survive with two of me,” Carson says, Jack mumbling something about going to the house for a minute as he gets up, a smile on his face anyway.

“So, you must be Carson?” Quinn asks her.

“What was your first clue?” she tries to flirt, taking a sip of her drink while maintaining eye contact with him. She knew that Jack was cute, but there was something different about Quinn. She and Jack were opposites. She and Quinn were the same. 

___________________________

He still loved the way she looked in that old hoodie that she stole, the team logo faded and cut through, the number that was supposed to be the right side of her chest gone. He remembered when she stole that, the way her eyes lit up the first time he saw her in it as she told him she liked that she could wear it while he was traveling and he would still be with her. 

___________________________

“Who’s picking up Carson?” Ellen yells up the stairs. 

“I am,” Quinn and Jack both called at the same time, Jack’s mind running wild at the fact that his brother answered with him. Since meeting Quinn a few weeks ago, Carson had been mentioning him a lot more in their conversations. He shouldn’t be bothered by it. They never actually established that they were dating. Sure, they had hooked up, and sure, it was all Jack could think about since, but they were never dating.

He wasn’t Carson’s boyfriend. 

“We both are,” Jack amends, running down the stairs when he hears Quinn do the same. 

The brothers get in Quinn’s car, a smile across Quinn’s face while Jack can feel himself start to panic. “So, you’re excited to see Carson?”

“Yeah,” Quinn lets out. “I’ve missed Car.”

“Car?”

“That’s what I call her sometimes, yeah.”

“Doesn’t everyone else call her ‘Carse’ if they don’t call her Carson?”

Quinn laughs. “She said she likes when I call her ‘Car,’ instead.” Quinn keeps talking the rest of the way to the airport, both boys getting a text from her saying that she had just landed. 

Neither boy had seen Carson in weeks, but it seemed like she had been talking to Quinn much more than she had been talking to Quinn.

Quinn pulls up to the airport, both boys getting out to go find the girl they wanted to see. Jack felt like he was racing Quinn to get to her first, Quinn having no idea what was going on in Jack’s head.

They get inside, both of them looking for her. 

“Thanks for introducing us, by the way,” Quinn says, breaking the silence between them. 

“What?”

“Me and Carson. When you told me I’d love her, I didn’t realize how right you’d be.” 

Jack swallows, the pit in his stomach making him feel like he wanted to throw up. Quinn couldn’t love Carson the way Jack did.

The way Jack did?

Jack spots her first, shaking his head of the thought of loving her when he sees the Canucks sweatshirt with 43 on it hanging on her body. Jack looks at Quinn, Quinn’s favorite sweatshirt on the girl Jack wanted to be with. 

Carson spots them, a smile on her face as she runs towards them, her suitcase clumsily trailing behind her. She lets go of her suitcase, it rolling towards Jack as she runs into Quinn’s arms, acting as if Jack wasn’t there to begin with.

___________________________

Morgan says one last thing to Carson, heading back towards the concessions, probably to get them drinks. Knowing Carson, she was out with Morgan on the condition that she didn’t have to pay for drinks. Jack couldn’t help but laugh to himself, Luke giving him a strange look while he stood there, lost in thought. 

___________________________

Why would Carson want to be out right now?

She wouldn’t want to. 

So why was she out right now at a bar that was way too loud, smelled incredibly bad, and was so crowded she could barely move a muscle without hitting another person?

Morgan.

Well, and Jack.

But, mostly Morgan. 

“I hate you for this,” she yelled over whatever music was playing. 

“No, you don’t,” Morgan and Jack say at the same time, both of them laughing despite Carson sending both of them a death stare.

“You haven’t been out of your apartment in, like, two months,” Jack says as Morgan walks away to get another drink

“We went to get coffee together four times this week,” Carson rebuttes, her phone in her hand lighting up with a text from Quinn.

She couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his name, not paying attention to the clear awkwardness that Jack felt when he saw his own brother’s name on her phone. She loved texting him, talking with him every free minute the two of them had. She was falling for him, and she was falling for him fast. 

Quinn loved that she was a lawyer, that she was passionate about helping people, he respected all of her decisions when it came to her uncertainty with her future. He made her laugh, he constantly made sure that she was ok and genuinely showed he cared about her.

He was everything he wanted in a guy, except that he was on the other side of the continent. 

“What’s Vancouver like?” she asks Jack, again having to yell over the noise.

Jack shrugs, “It seems a lot like New Jersey, honestly. I’m never there long enough to find out.” 

Could she see herself in Vancouver? She had looked into it, she just had to take another exam and be approved by their judicial system and she would be ok to practice law. 

Quinn had officially asked her to be his girlfriend when she went to visit the boys a few weeks ago. She wasn’t sure if Jack knew yet.

“I’m going to get another drink, do you want anything?” she asks, elbowing her way back to the bar when he says he’s fine.

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” she hears from behind her once she orders her drink. She turns around, trying not to audibly groan.

“Anthony.”

“How are you Carse?”

“Fine.”

“Just fine?”

“Do I need to give more?”

“Well, it’s a genuine question.”

“‘Fine’ is a genuine answer. What do you want, Anthony?”

“When can we get back together?”

Carson scoffs, the bartender handing her her drink that she was now tempted to throw in his face. “We’re not.”

“Come on, Carse,” he says, taking a step toward her, his hand trailing down her arm. “We had so much fun together. Why do we want to throw all that away?”

“I have a boyfriend, Anthony.”

“I don’t see him.”

Before Carson could answer, she feels Jack come up behind her, thankful that it was him and not some other stranger. “Babe, I told you, I was paying for drinks tonight.”

Carson looks up at him, turning toward him so Anthony couldn’t see her mouth a quick ‘thank you,’ to him. “I put it on your tab, don’t worry,” she turns back to Anthony, the smile on her face because of the stupid look on his face. “Anthony, meet my boyfriend, Jack.”

Anthony mumbles something, walking away before either of them could say anything else. 

“I owe you,” Carson says once Anthony is far enough away neither of them could see him.

“Well, drinks are on me tonight,” he says, earning a laugh from her. “Nice job, lying about the boyfriend thing. Think we’ll have to keep it up until we leave?”

Carson laughs again. “I wasn’t lying about having a boyfriend.”

“What?” Jack asks, Carson not noticing the panic on his face.

“Quinn asked me to be his girlfriend.” 

Before Jack can respond, Morgan runs over, squealing something about how their song was playing and that they just had to go dance. Carson quickly hands her drink to Jack, running off with her friend.

Jack downs the drink, ordering another. 

His brother got the girl.

___________________________

He sees Carson waving to someone down on the ice, his heart racing in the worst way because he knew it wasn’t to him. Jack followed her gaze to Quinn, who was waving back at her, a smile on his face while he was on the ice when he was notorious for looking like he was having an existential crisis all the time. He should hate the guy who got to love the girl he wanted to be with. But how could he hate his brother? 

___________________________

“You’re what?”

“I’m moving to Vancouver.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I’m coming, too.”

“No you aren’t.”

“I can’t live without you.”

“Morgan,” Carson whines, “You’re going to be fine.”

Morgan groans, rolling her eyes. “I’m being dramatic, let me mourn.” The girls laugh, Carson getting up to grab a drink. “So, you and Quinn are actually serious?”

“Yeah, I mean, we have to be if I’m willing to move across the continent and to another country.”

“Are you going to be able to practice law?”

Before Carson can answer, a knock at her doors follows with someone walking in.

“Are you a murderer?” Morgan yells to the stranger from Carson’s kitchen, prompting Carson to roll her eyes.

“Definitely,” Jack says, appearing in the doorway. “I got us dinner,” he says, holding up a bag. “What are we talking about?”

“If Carson can practice law or not.”

Jack laughs, setting down the food. “How did you manage to get disbarred already? You passed like three months ago.” 

“I shot a man in Reno,” Carson deadpans. “I didn’t get disbarred. I’m just,” she hesitates, knowing that telling the two people who were her best friends was going to be the hardest. “I’m moving.”

Jack’s attention snaps to Carson, a look of panic on his face. “Where?”

“She’s moving in with Quinn.”

“You’re moving to Vancouver?”

“Yeah. Quinn asked me last week to move out there with him, and I told him yes today.” 

Jack didn’t hear anything else while the three of them sat at Carson’s table and ate the food Jack brought. She would be able to practice law in Canada with a few more steps to get there, she would be living with Quinn.

She would be away from Jack. 

She would never be with Jack. 

___________________________

He could see the engagement ring on her finger from here, the sapphire in the middle catching the light in just the right way. His mother had their grandmother’s engagement ring, something much more simple, that had been intended for whichever boy wanted to give it to their future partner. Jack didn’t want to give it to anyone. He knew that their grandmother’s ring was picked for their grandmother. He wanted to give his person a ring meant for them. He wanted to give a ring he knew would suit her and would make her think of him whenever she looked at it. That’s why he and Quinn had helped the jeweler design it in the first place. It had to be made for her.

___________________________

Quinn had texted in the family group chat that the ring was ready and that he was picking it up from the jeweler that day after practice.

Everyone in the family congratulated him, his mom gushing about how excited she was to have a daughter, and how happy she was that it was Carson. His dad talked about how he was glad Quinn found someone who made him happy. Luke gave a thumbs up and texted in the group chat without their parents something stupid that Jack still hadn’t read yet.

Jack said nothing.

And he wasn’t sure anyone noticed. 

Quinn and Carson were going to be engaged soon.

Jack didn’t know who to talk to, his finger hovering over Carson’s contact. He shouldn’t call her. He could call Morgan. But he knew Morgan was busy doing something with her job. He didn’t want to bother her.

He pressed it, turning on the speaker and pushing his phone away from him before he could hang up. 

“Hello?” her name comes out of his speaker. He opens his mouth to say something, realizing he had no idea where to begin. “Jack, are you ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry, dropped my phone,” he lied, lunging to grab it. “We haven’t talked in a while.”

Carson laughs, Jack’s insides jumping at the sound he hadn’t heard in a while. “Yeah, it has been a while.”

“How are things?” he asks, silently smacking his forehead at how stupid he sounded. He used to be able to talk to her with ease, having conversations that would go on for hours before either of them even found any silence between them. 

Now he could barely talk to her, the sound of her voice something he wanted to hear so badly, something he missed more than he could actually put into words, and he didn’t know what to say so that he could listen to her. 

“Things are actually really great,” she says. He could hear the smile on her face coming through the phone. “Quinn and I just work together, you know?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” he repeats to himself, trying to hide the pain he felt hearing that. “Have you and Quinn talked about…” he starts, his voice trailing off, the words catching in his throat knowing that Quinn could technically ask her at any moment. 

“About what?”

“About you guys getting married?”

Carson stays quiet for a second, a smile on her face forming that broke Jack’s heart with every millimeter it grew. “Yeah, we have.”

“And?” 

Carson’s cheeks turned red. “He hasn’t told me outright, but I think he’s proposing soon.”

Jack’s heart fully shattered, a fake smile on his face. “That’s great.”

“He hasn’t talked to you about it at all?”

“We, uh,” he starts, running his hand through his hair as he laid down on his bed. “We haven’t been able to get each other on the phone lately.” The two of them sat in silence, one of the first times neither of them knew what to say to each other. Conversation used to be so easy between them. “Don’t do it.”

“What?” Carson asks, Jack unsure if she didn’t hear him or thought she didn’t.

“Don’t get engaged to him.” 

“Jack-”

“Carson, I still love you,” he blurts out, leaving Carson stunned. “Carson, please say something.” He wasn’t planning on telling her during this conversation. He wasn’t planning on telling her at all. 

“Still?”

“I think I started falling for you the first minute I saw you.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Jack swallows, trying to stop his voice from cracking. “By the time I realized it, you were already falling in love with Quinn.”

“Jack.” 

“How could I tell you I love you when I was watching you fall in love with my older brother?”

“Jack.”

“How am I supposed to sit here knowing that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone who is perfect for you knowing that I was so close to being that person?” he says outloud.

“What do you want me to say?” she whispers.

“Tell me you won’t do it.”

Carson squeezes her eyes shut, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I can’t.” 

“Carson.”

“Jack, I love Quinn. And he loves me. It has to go both ways. I can’t tell him ‘no’ because you feel something for me that I never felt for you.” Jack says nothing, mostly because he doesn’t know what to say. “I have to go. Quinn will be home any minute.”

Carson hangs up, without saying another word, the front door opening as she whipped away her tears. 

“Hey,” Quinn says, placing a kiss on the top of her head. “You ready to head out?”

“Uh, just give me a minute. I was talking to Jack and got distracted.”

“Yeah? How is he? I haven’t heard from him in a while.” 

“He mentioned that,” Carson nods, getting up from her chair. “I’m gonna go grab my shoes.”

Quinn watches her walk away, checking his pockets to make sure he had everything he needed for the night. 

Phone, check.

Keys, check.

Wallet, check.

Engagement ring.

Check.

___________________________

Quinn skates over to his brothers, who were still standing next to each other. The crowd starts yelling, as they normally do when the three brothers are on the same ice at the same time. Luke and Jack greet Quinn, Jack trying to pretend like he wasn’t distracted. 

“Hey, wait,” Quinn says when the two are about to skate away. Luke hangs back slightly, pretending not to listen. “Carson wants to get together after the game, all four of us.”

Jack looks at Luke. “Uh, we have a flight out tonight.”

“Luke said you guys are leaving until the morning.” 

“It got changed,” Jack lies, making a mental note to turn off his location and hope he can convince Luke to do the same. “The weather’s supposed to be too bad to fly out in the morning.”

“Come on. It’s the last time we’ll be able to get together, just the four of us, before the wedding.” 

___________________________

“Ready to go?” Luke asks, suitcase in hand as their boarding group gets called. 

“No,” Jack mumbles. 

Luke rolls his eyes, yanking Jack by the arm to pull him towards the plane. “What’s your problem with Carson?” Jack fastens his seatbelt, pretending not to hear his younger brother. “Dude.”

“I don’t have a problem with Carson.”

“Then why do you shut down and act like a prick any time we go see them, or anytime her name is mentioned?” Jack doesn’t say anything. “No, we have 6 hours on this plane, so either you are going to use that time to tell me why you have a problem with our future sister-in-law or I’m going to tell Quinn that I’m worried you’re going to Richard Ramirez her in her sleep.” 

Jack looks at his brother with a look of horror. “What the fuck? I’m not the Night Stalker.” 

“Talk,” Luke pokes his brother’s side.

“I liked Carson before she met Quinn.”

“You’re acting like this because you had a crush on her?”

“I’m acting like this because I fell in love with her and she never even thought of me that way.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

“Every interaction you’ve ever had with her now makes sense.”

“What?”

“Every time you talk to her, you have that look on your face like she was telling you she killed your first born.” Jack looks at him horrified, again. “Yeah, like that.”

“Stop watching CSI.” 

“There’s so many seasons.”

Luke keeps talking about something while he doesn’t realize Jack is barely paying attention, interjecting with a generic confirmatory noise every once in a while until Jack finally pretends to go to sleep. 

His brother eventually falls asleep instead, leaving Jack alone with his thoughts without his brother’s voice in his ear. He hadn’t seen or talked to Carson since the night she called him before Quinn had proposed. She went from a stranger, to someone he could see in his life forever, back to a stranger. 

He couldn’t even talk to a girl anymore without thinking of Carson, how she compared to her, how her humor and deadpan delivery wasn’t the same as Carson’s, how she didn’t look like Carson or walk like Carson. He was in love with his brother’s fiance, on his way to their engagement party.

___________________________

Jack barely processed what happened during the game. He made the plays he had to, passed the puck when he needed to, but his mind was empty. 

After the game, Luke comes up to him once they're both dressed. “Ready for this?”

“No.”

“Let’s do it, then.” 

They wait for Quinn outside, the adrenaline coursing through him more than he wanted to admit. He wasn’t sure he could face her, even after all this time.

“Hi,” he hears behind him, the voice he once loved now sending panic through him. 

“Hi.”

___________________________

“Alright, you’ve got to get it together,” Luke says as they get out of the car that brought them to the venue. Their parents were already inside, Carson and Quinn definitely inside. 

“I’ll be fine,” he lies, a gift in shaking hand as he opens the door with the other to let Luke go first. He took a deep breath, bracing himself to go in and face Carson for the first time since their phone call the night they ended up getting engaged. “I’ll be fine.”

The party was set up in a way that made exact sense for Carson, it was classy and elegant, while still having shades of Quinn’s chaos thrown in here and there. He didn’t know exactly why it made sense for them, but it did. 

Because they made sense.

“Hi,” he hears behind him, causing him to jump. Carson stands behind him, a short white dress fitting her perfectly in a way that made his heart race. He knew there was a reason to wear a black shirt, and it was to hide the sweat that he felt coming on just being around her. “How are you?”

“Good,” he says, holding out the gift. “This is from us.”

“Us?”

“Um,” he shakes his head, letting out a nervous laugh. “Me and Luke. You didn’t expect him to pick something out on his own, did you?’

“No, not at all.” 

They stand in silence, neither of them knowing what to do. “You look good,” he says, probably one of the first opinions he shared that actually had some semblance of truth to it.

“Thanks, you do, too. How are things?”

“Things are good,” he says, trying not to cringe at how awkward this whole thing felt. He shouldn't have come, but how was he going to say no to the girl he loved and his own brother? “I’m seeing someone, actually,” he hears himself say, surprised by the lie he didn’t know was coming.

“Really?” her eyes light up. “Jack, that’s great. Quinn didn’t tell me that.”

“It’s still new. I haven’t really said anything about it to Quinn yet. I don’t want to jinx it, you know?”

“I get it,” she nods, a smile still lighting up her face. “I’m so happy for you.”

She pulls him in for a hug, Jack keeping one of his hands in his pants pocket. He knew himself too well; if he hugged her too tight, he wouldn’t want to let go.

He hated how corny and stupid he felt. She is his older brother's fiance. He had to forget about her in that way. 

“Hey,” Quinn joins them, pulling Jack in for a hug. “Sorry to interrupt, but Car, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Go, go, I need to find my way to a drink anyway,” Jack waves them off.

Carson takes Quinn’s hand, turning to be led off somewhere by Quinn. She turns over her shoulder, smiling at Jack, as he watched the two of them walk off. She turns away, Jack staring up at the ceiling, not wanting to watch her walk away.

___________________________

The four of them get to a restaurant Quinn had taken his brothers to before, despite the fact that Jack couldn’t remember the name for the life of him. 

Jack sets his phone on the table, the rest of them doing the same.

As they order, Jack’s phone lights up with a text from Morgan: ‘When do you come home? I miss you.’

[alonetimelover]

Action! - Heartbreak Anniversary- 2023

Pairings: ex!Harry Styles x Director!Reader x Joseph Quinn

Summary: Harry has an emotional and heartfelt conversation with his mother and sister. If it wasn't heartbreaking enough - to be this vulnerable and open - they had some news for him. Something that would tip the scales at the breaking point.

Warnings: it's angst. harry's not very polite. some self-degrading talk. some swear words. pregnancy is mentioned.

Word count: ~3,4k

A/N: While writing the whole thingy I was listening to this beautiful song, Heartbreak Anniversary (hence the title) by Giveon. It inspired this piece of a story, so give it a listen.

series masterlist let's talk about action!universe

“How do you feel after today’s session, Harry?”

“Pretty good. It’s - it’s nice to talk about it with someone, someone unbiased,” Harry expressed, searching for the right words. Words that would sound convincing. He knew Doctor McCanister would catch him on his lies but he needed to at least try.

“You’re lucky this session is almost over. You’re capping over and over again. You trusted me with so much from your past and present, why do you think you can’t trust me with this?”

After a solid minute of silence Harry whispered, “I don’t know. She was - she is still important to me even though she’s no longer a part of my life. Knowing it all could be different if I hadn’t done what I did. It - it’s making me overthink, reminding myself of everything I did wrong.”

“Does it work for you?”

“What?”

“Keeping it all to yourself, slowly rotting in this feeling.” She noted something down in her brown notebook. “All that emotional build-up is going to explode sooner rather than later, Harry,” Dr McCanister warned him.

“I don’t think I’m ready. I have this thought in the back of my head that if I tell anybody all that is here,” he placed his pointing finger to his temple, “and here,” moving the finger to his heart, “I’m going to lose her forever. Those thoughts and feelings are the last thing I have of her. Emotional thing.”

From the look on Doctor’s face he knew he needed to justify his words.

“Umm, I have lots of photos or her, old clothes that she’d never taken from ou- my house in LA. But they don’t bring me any - I dunno - there’s no comfort. No warmth. And when I’m thinking of her, of us, it brings me that comfort.”

“And pain?”

“I deserve it. I am responsible for our relationship ending on that bad foot, I am responsible for everything bad that happened to her after the breakup. It’s all my fault. And if a minute of comfort from the memories of her, and feelings that I still have for her cost me hours and days and weeks of sorrow and pain, then so be it. I’ll do anything to feel somehow 1% as happy as I felt with her by my side.”

It was the first time Harry spoke honestly about YN and their past relationship. It was a taboo whenever he went, even therapy. He knew the importance of speaking up about his feelings, sharing his emotions so he wouldn’t be alone to deal with them. But after losing YN, it wasn’t present in his relations with other people.

He felt like he deserved the pain. He hurt her so now he was the one to be hurt.

When they broke up - when YN broke up with him - he didn’t understand the importance she as a person had in his life. The scant and ethereal feeling succumbed him away from YN. Something new, exciting, nonroutine. Someone new fascinated him. Before he knew it, he was already gone, letting himself fall for an unknown.

He regretted it greatly, but it was too late. She moved on.

Everyone thought he moved on too. While still being in a relationship with YN, he moved on. But it was wrong. To the last day of their relationship he was faithful, and at the same time he let himself be pulled away, forget momentarily.

After calming down a little and doing a few breathing exercises with Dr McCanister, Harry left the clinic, having paid for the session.

On his way home, the phone call disrupted his Rumours listening session.

“‘Ello? I’m driving so I hope it’s important.”

“Hello my darling. Put me on speaker,” Anne said, her voice breaking here and there.

Harry did as his mum told him to, “all done. How are you, mum?”

“Good. Good. The weather is finally nice, so-"

“You didn’t call me to talk about the weather, did you?” Harry interrupted his mother, making her very audibly swallow. “Something happened?”

“No, no. Do you have some time to spare for your mother’s visit?”

“And sister’s!” Harry heard Gemma's voice shouting over Anne’s.

“Of course. I’m just going back from my appointment with Dr McCanister. I’ll be home in about 15 minutes? That’s alright with you?”

“Oh sure, sweetie. I’ve got a key to your house. We’ll just let ourselves in.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

***

When Harry got home, Anne and Gemma were already there, making themselves comfortable. Anne was making tea in the kitchen and Gemma, like always, was snooping for some new vinyls or papers with song ideas. Harry was used to leaving them everywhere.

“Hello there. To what do I owe the pleasure of having you both here?” Harry asked while walking into the living room.

“Like we can’t visit your annoying ass, brother,” Gemma laughed, smirking at pouting Harry.

“Gemma, be nice,” Anne reprimanded, walking inside the room. “Cannot we visit once in a while? We haven’t seen each other since you started the break.” She turned to her youngest child.

“I know. It’s nice to see you, mum.” Harry swiftly came up to his mother and embraced her in a bone-crushing hug, swaying from left to right. “Missed you.”

“Oh, I missed you, too, honey.”

“Ekhem,” Gemma interrupted the heartfelt moment between mother and son. “I’m here, too. And I also missed you, H.”

Harry smiled at his mother, teasingly rolling his eyes at Gemma’s words, making Anne grin at him. She loved her children so much, that seeing them being so close to each other was the best thing a mother could ask for.

“Come here.”

After the warm and longed-for siblings’ hug, and the joint one with their mother, they all moved to the patio to have the tea. Harry, unprepared for any visit, found some cookies to go with the beverages.

The weather outside was beautiful, this year's July was surprisingly warm in London. Harry’s garden was blossoming, different flowers, bushes and trees waking up to life, beautifying the area. At the same time, it needed a gardener. Since YN, no one put a foot near the beds. Weeds were slowly overcoming parts of the place.

His garden was the living epitome of him. There wasn’t a gardener good enough, good like the last one, to help.

“How was the appointment with Dr McCanister?”

Harry tensed at the question. He wanted to forget about that meeting.

“Like always. Hard.”

This time Gemma tensed. It was hurting her to see how much Harry was struggling. Years after the break up, he couldn’t get up, couldn’t find peace. He loved her too much, if that was possible.

“Did you talk about her?”

“Yeah.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

“It’s not therapy anymore, mum. I’ve had one already. Talked enough about feelings.” Harry sounded frustrated, was frustrated.

“And I’m not your therapist but a mother that worries about her son.”

“There’s nothing you can do about it. Nothing. It’s - she - she’s gone. Not here anymore, she’s got her life with someone else, and I can’t stand it.” Harry hid his face in his hands, pulling at the locks of hair. The emotional build-up that Dr McCanister was talking about, making its presence known. “It’s been three years. Exactly three years. And - and I hate this day.”

Anne just sat down next to Harry, placing her hand on his back, stroking it slowly. Comforting him. He didn’t need anyone to ask questions, he needed someone to listen.

“I don’t deserve to think about her because I was the one to contribute to her leaving me. It was all my fault-”

“Harry, stop. It wasn’t-”

“No, mum. It was. It is. I didn’t cherish her. I let myself be captivated by the bliss of a relationship that I had with Olivia. I threw away three years with YN to follow the excitement of something new. It was my decision and it’s something I’m gonna regret forever. And now? Look at me? Look at her.” Harry scoffed.

“She’s happy,” said Gemma, earning an uneasy look from her mother. “And you need to accept that.”

“Easy to say not being in my shoes.”

“You’re not the only one that lost her, Harry,” Gemma said firmly.

“Gemma, not now.”

“Yes, now, mum. You,” she pointed at Harry. “You were everything to her. She got people promising her the moon, sending flowers. She didn’t bat an eye. She was in love with you. She was-”

“Don’t say that.”

“What? She was, Harry. She loved you so much. She cared about you, supported you, followed you everywhere. She was there for you any second. Any moment you needed her, she was there. And what did you do with that?”

She left the question to linger in the air. She bottled her feelings up for those three years.

YN was her best friend. Her sister. They understood each other without words. And with the break up happening, it wasn’t the same. YN didn’t feel comfortable with her or Anne as she did in the past. They still talked, met up, and had sleepovers. But it wasn’t the same.

Gemma understood that Harry losing the love of his life, by his own mistake, was hard for him. And it hurted her seeing him heartbroken. At the same time, she was angry. He hurted YN. Made her leave him. That’s at least how she understood the situation. YN didn’t talk much about the breakup with anyone.

“I screw up, alright? I know that, Gem. I know! Do you think I’m blaming her for that breakup? No! It was my fault. I drove to that. I thought I lost my feelings. I thought there was not much love between us anymore. I realised it too late. I know it! All of it. And it hurts.”

Harry before starting his monologue had stood up, and paced back and forth.

“It hurts so bad. I dream of her. I see her everywhere. Her - her things are still here, staring at me like souvenirs. I look at my phone every night, going through our pictures. Our texts, the latest that she didn’t answer. I play back the last time we were together each time before falling asleep. I remember everything that I said and didn’t say. I remember her face, the smile slowly fading. Tears strolling down her cheeks. Pain in her eyes. I remember everything.”

“Harry, that's enough. Please, sit down.” Anne tried to pull him off that self-degrading talk.

“You know what’s funny?” he asked rhetorically, sitting down on the grass. “That night at the venue, three years ago, when - when I proposed,” he sobbed softly. “I had the speech. How she made me happy and was my family, and - and how you guys treated her like a daughter and sister you’ve never had. How I appreciated her work and our relationship. And - umm - I praised her.”

Harry took a pause, breathing deeply, trying to calm down a bit. Unsuccessfully.

“I wasn’t looking at her till she stopped me. I - I couldn’t look into her eyes deep down knowing how I felt, really felt at that moment. She stopped me, asking one question.”

“Do you still love me?”

Her voice was shaky because of all the crying. He didn't look at her once today. From the moment he picked her, through the dinner they had at the restaurant and till the moment she stopped his proposals. Somewhere deep in herself she knew why he wasn’t able to look at her, but was hoping she wasn’t right. It all was going to be a nightmare. She was going to wake up next to him, sleeping soundly.

He looked at her.

And stayed silent.

YN learned that day how loud the silence could be. How definitive and thundering it could feel. Terminating.

“Do you?” she choked out.

There was no sound of the voice. Just the one of a heart breaking apart.

“She dropped my hand and left, saying she’d be out of my house in an hour. It was our house, our home. We were supposed to grow old here. To - to spend forever there.”

“Harry, honey. You need to let her go.”

“I can’t! Don’t you understand? Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t be able to do that. It’s the last thing bringing me joy in life. She’s my antidote. Always has been, always will be.”

Gemma sat next to Harry and hugged him. He sobbed into her neck, shaking heavily. She felt his pain and regretted deeply her words that encouraged and strengthen that feeling of guilt Harry had.

Anne was sitting on the chair still, crying. It was the first time she heard the story about the engagement.

“Is she happy? Really happy?” Harry asked after calming down a little.

“She is,” answered Anne. “Joseph, he’s a good man. He treats her well.”

“Have you met?”

Gemma looked at Anne worried. They met Joseph. Went to dinner with him and YN a few times. Last time was just two days ago, when they came back from Italy.

YN wanted Anne and Gemma to know it before the pictures were uploaded. Joseph threatening paparazzi with charges bought her a few days to tell some important people in her and Joseph's lives about their secret.

“Why are you looking at each other like that? Is he really good?”

“He is,” Gemma answered immediately.

If Harry couldn’t be the one for YN, Joseph was perfect. There was something between them that no one understood. The way they looked at, understood or talked about each other was so unique, so genuine. It was heartwarming to see YN being that happy after what she had gone through with Harry.

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Two days ago we met for dinner.”

“Gemma, it’s not a good time to be talkin’ about it. Please,” Anne begged, knowing the news would crush her son tremendously.

“It’s never going to be a good time, mum,” she said to her mother. It would be better if Harry learned that information from her and not the internet. “YN is taking a break from her career. For the next two or three years.”

“Why?”

“She’s pregnant,” Gemma whispered after a moment of silence.

If it was possible, they would hear Harry’s heart being ripped out of his chest and thrown to the ground. Laying there broken in a million pieces, not possible to glue back together. It was over. Now like ever, it felt real. He lost her. There was no possibility anymore, no prospect. The final curtain dropped.

“Do you want kids?” Harry asked, tracing shapes on YN’s naked back. Her head was lying on his chest, close to his heart.

“Someday, when I’m ready to be responsible for another human being. Do you?"

“I’ve always dreamt of a big family.”

“How big?”

“How big would you want?”

“Two for sure. So they would be able to take care of themselves when mum wants a quick break.”

“With dad?” He smirked.

“Stop it!” She slapped his chest playfully, looking up at him with a big smile on her face. “But maybe.”

Harry grinned at her and kissed her lips. Because of the smiling and laughing their teeth would clash, but they didn’t care. That moment they were so happy. Nothing else mattered.

“Is she - they - are they healthy? YN and the baby?” He asked finally.

“Yeah, healthy as a horse. Both of them. Pregnancy treats her well,” Anne said carefully, not knowing if Harry was going to lash out any minute.

“That’s good. That's good. It’s what matters the most, right?” It sounded like a programmed answer.

Harry gently made his mother loosen the grip she had on his shoulders. He needed to get up, to get away from people. He felt all of the emotions slowly entering his mind, his soul. Breathing started to get harder. More tears gathering in his eyes. Stabbing pain in his chest was getting more severe, but it couldn’t be his heart. He had lost it with that information.

“I - I’m tired,” he tried saying, but it sounded more like a whimper.

“Harry, my sweet boy.”

Anne walked up to him, trying to make him look at her, and failing. He dropped her hands, which had been briefly placed on his cheeks. There was no way to calm him down. No way to help him. How, if his heart wasn’t there? When the last drop of hope vanished, leaving his chest dry as a desert.

“I want to be alone.”

“You shouldn’t be. You don’t have to be alone. Please, let me - let us be here for you” his mum begged.

“I’ll call you, okay? I need to be alone, mum.”

And after more convincing from Anne, she and Gemma left. There wasn’t a chance for Harry to cave in.

The moment the front door closed, Harry sat on the floor hugging his knees to his chest. He swayed back and forth because of the sobs that were escaping his mouth. His eyes were like a river source, but a river was of tears. And it wasn’t slowing down, much less stopping. It was staining his cheeks, slowly moving to the red T-shirt he was wearing, decorating it with darker spots.

Deep down he was happy for her. After all, she always wanted to be a mother. She talked about dreaming of the family she could have, would love to have. Those times, she wanted it with him. However, they never came to the conclusion of what names were perfect. Maybe it was better for him.

He pulled out his phone from the jeans’ pocket and clicked the message icon. Was he going to text her? Yes. Was that a mistake? Yes. But he couldn’t stop typing.

Harry

Congratulations on your pregnancy, YN. Hoping the baby and you are healthy, H.

He didn’t count on the response. Considering that his previous messages to her were rather misplaced, he wouldn’t be surprised if she had blocked him. For a long time he was making decisions that he knew were wrong, that were probably hurting her current relationship. And, as bad as it sounded, and felt, it was giving him false hope. It was cruel of him. Desperation made him do things that were hurting her. And he would repeat them until the moment he realised that he was a bad guy. That when he told everybody he had never wanted to hurt her, he was still doing it.

Then the process would repeat itself.

yn🌻

Thank you, harry. We’re feeling great, baby’s healthy

And if he wasn’t surprised enough with one text, he got another.

yn🌻

Annie’s said you took a break, how is it going?

Unconsciously, he slipped into that process, hurting her again with his words.

Harry

You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to. I understand. Just wanted to congratulate you after mom told me about your pregnancy.

yn🌻

I think I'm mature enough to put the past in the past. Also anne is seemingly worried about you, Harry.

But if you don’t feel comfortable yet, then it’s okay. Thank you again for the message. Hope you are well.

Those two messages came in immediately after his. He wanted to write so much. Tell her how he was feeling. How lost and broken he was. Tell her how much he loved her. Missed her. Longed for her. How, every night, he dreamt of her. Happy dreams with them being content and together. And nightmares, much more frequent, where she wasn’t his. Nightmares that were blending into reality.

With his phone screen still showing those messages, he finally moved from the floor, slowly walking to the bedroom. He placed the phone on the bed and walked up to the wardrobe. From under colourful sweaters he pulled out the one he was looking for.

He laid down on the bed, and cuddled the soft material, inhaling its scent. It no longer was hers, but the fact she made it for him and wore it more frequently than him, could make up for that.

When the wind started to come through the open windows, he didn’t move. It was cold outside, like when she walked out of his life. It was cold like the day they had their first date. Like the day they met, when he thought about forever with her.

These days feel like you and me, Harry thought.

He put the sweater on, turning to the side of the bed where his phone was lying. Where she used to lay.

Harry

Do you ever think of me?

deleted

[enzenwriting]

11:11 forget me not

22 I wish (written part! 0.9k words)

“are you sure this is going to get y/n to talk to me?” Heeseung raised the cup in his hand, an eyebrow raised suspiciously at Sunghoon

“Y/n loves a coffee in the morning remember? You hand that to her and naturally go in for a hug like you used to” Sunghoon smirked, “y/n is going to fall for that, and it’ll be normal again.”

“Nothing about ignoring someone for a whole month and then suddenly giving them a coffee and a hug is natural” Heeseung sighs, remembering his embarrassing stunt. His friend can only shake his head, arm falling onto his shoulder as a form of small reassurance

“Trust me on this” slowly guiding Heeseung out of the cafeteria

Maybe do not trust Sunghoon.

As the two said males walk into the Theatre class, the first thing they both see is the white cup of hot beverage on your desks as you happily chat away with the person behind you. Heeseung’s eyes flicker to Sunghoon next to him as the latter male chuckle nervously. “Y/n already has a coffee-“

“At least you have a coffee!-“

“I don’t drink coffee” Heeseung sighed

“Well you start today, maybe it’ll be a conversation starter with y/n someday if everything else fails” Sunghoon smiled at the male. “But for now, follow me naturally”

Nothing about Sunghoon (with Heeseung trotting behind him like a toddler) approaching you and animatedly joining the conversation was natural. You and the person behind you were talking about the upcoming University sports festival, so when Sunghoon joins beside you, animatedly nodding and loudly agreeing with the conversation, you’re quick to apologise to your classmate and face your desk, ignoring Sunghoon.

“Don’t ignore your friends y/n” Sunghoon wave a hand in your face, and you wish the professor arrives sooner

“I’m not. And please go bother someone else this early morning” you sighed, hand reaching for the cup of coffee in front of you

“You hurt me y/n, you act like we’re not friends” Sunghoon ignores you as you feel him scoot onto the empty seat beside you “Let’s seat here today”

You focus on the hot steam of your coffee, attempting to mute Sunghoon’s voice in your head as you hear him talk about his extra English class. But he doesn’t stop, and neither do his questions even when you weren’t answering any of them. All the sudden, you can’t help but notice the volume of his voice was off today. Sunghoon’s voice was naturally loud next to you but why does it sound so distant right now?… and you start to hear responses to his questions.

Blinking to refocus your eyes, you look beside you to see, not Park Sunghoon, but Lee Heeseung. You swear you hear your heart drop and your hand freeze despite the burning cup on your fingertips.

“You’re finally paying attention y/n” Sunghoon smirks. “You don’t mind your friends sitting with you yeah?” Heeseung faces you, a small smile appearing on his face as he weakly holds up the hot drink in his hand.

Oh, you were going to make sure Sunghoon pays for this. That Chimmy doll was going to be yours one way or another

“You don’t mind us sitting here right?” And you swear you were going to wipe the smugness off his lips. What was Park Sunghoon thinking?

“Whatever. It’s not my seat” you mumble, thanking your lecturer who has now walked in. You missed the way Heeseung’s smile grows bigger as you let him sit next to you.

Maybe he can trust Sunghoon.

But then Heeseung starts to rethink that decision when one embarrassing situation turns into too many.

The first one on his list was when the professor asked everyone in the class to pair up for the short class exercise. Sunghoon is quick to push Heeseung to the side in order to “bump” into you to naturally talk to each other again and pair up for the classwork. It was a good idea in hindsight, but when Sunghoon pushed Hesseung a little too powerful, Heeseung falls on an empty hard chair. The thud resonated in the large lecture hall amongst a few items on the table falling. Embarrassing. Sunghoon quickly apologised for disturbing the class as Heeseung was quick to sit himself back. The two males find that you were no longer sitting with them. You had already seated yourself with the person behind you, focusing on the work at hand.

Or maybe it was during lunchtime. Heeseung was surrounded by Sunghoon, Jay and Jake at a table in the cafeteria. The idea of calling you to sit with them and create a conversation where Heeseung could naturally talk to you was the plan. If all fails, Sunghoon chimed that he’d hold your possession in his arm to prevent you from leaving until you finally talk to Heeseung. Again, it seemed like a good idea. But when you walk into the cafeteria, eyes wander around to look for a seat, the three friends with Heeseung decide to holler and yell your name in an attempt to get your attention and sit with them. Heeseing couldn’t deny that it got your attention alright, but the hollering and excessing yelling of your name made you pretend to be one of the onlookers looking at them as if they’d gone mad. He could see you turn around and sit with your other friends. Sunoo and Jungwon occupy the table across the room from them, not wanting any association with the loud boys.

Ok, Maybe he should not trust his friends.

22 I wish

Summary: A cliche story of a long-term friendship turns into one-sided love, but what happens to your friendship with Lee Heeseung when a mysterious twitter account encourages you to change everything?

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an: finally some hee thinking time 🥺🥹

Taglist: [closed💖] @bubblytaetae @iloveoceaneyesss @woneulz @jungwon-kitten @georgi-salva @judeduartewannabe @harperwasstaken1 @ineedaherosavemeenow @enhaz1 @ksnu @bbymatz @ckline35 @catryu @flower0930 @seungcheolswife (unable to tag in bold! please check your setting!)

[thevulpinehero1]

Not sure where to put this, but I recently decided to transcribe the entire unhinged yandere rant from Adachi and Shimamura after rereading the series, so here's 1.5k words of a likeable if emotionally unstable character in a mostly fluffy slice of life romcom doing a double backflip off the deep end.

 “Adachi, slow down –”

“I don’t want you having fun without me! Or holding hands with some other girl – just me! I want you to be with me! I wanted to take you to a festival myself! I wanted to be there while you were smiling and having fun! That’s what I wanted! My head hurts so much because

I’ve been thinking about you nonstop and losing my mind and… I was waiting for you to call! Why don’t you ever call me or start a conversation? Why does it always have to be me? Don’t you… don’t you care about me even a little? Nothing? Not even a bit? Just friends? Just regular friends? I don’t want to be regular friends – just one step above that! That’s all I want… Shimamura, what do you want me to do? Well? Shimamura, are you listening? Really listen. How do you feel when you hear my voice? Do you feel something? I want you to feel something, anything, even just comfort. That’s what I want. Is that so wrong, Shimamura?! Because it’s you! You’re the one I want! I don’t want anyone else or need anyone else – I only need you! Is it really so selfish to want one measly step? Just one! I don’t care about anyone else – I don’t want them around – so why do you? Just come find me and be with me and stay with me and don’t leave! I don’t want anyone being with you except me. I want to be there with you, so just let me!

Who even is she? I don’t know her. I don’t want you to turn into someone I don’t know! I want to know everything about you; I don’t want you to keep anything from me. I hate not knowing because it hurts! It hurts so much, Shimamura… I’d ask you to hang out, but I wanted to take you to a festival. I wanted to go with you, but you went with her! Are you hanging out with her? Where are you right now? Are you with her, Shimamura? Shimamura, are you listening? It’s like I’ve been talking to a brick wall this whole time. Normally you talk a lot more. Why? What’s different? Am I different? Yeah, I must be. I can tell. But I want to know… I want to know about you so bad, it’s messing me up. I don’t want to be apart from you… I want to be with you all the time… I don’t care where we are as long as we’re together… But I haven’t seen you and I miss you but if we met up right now I think I’d cry… I’m already crying… I keep wondering who she is and what she is to you… Are you still listening? Would you rather be with her than with me? Am I not good enough? What part of me isn’t good enough? I’ll work on it, so just tell me… I’ll fix it, I swear, so please just tell me… I want to know… You’re really special to me, you know that? Even if someone else was exactly like you in every way – but they’re not, so it doesn’t matter! Just forget all that! It has to be you! I want us to get along, but it’s just… I want to talk about more than just this, but I can’t stop thinking about it… I mean, you were smiling! I don’t want you smiling at anyone who isn’t me! It sucks, you know? Don’t you ever feel like that? Have you ever had a crush? Do you have feelings for someone? Or anyone at all? Do you know what love is? Sometimes I get scared, wondering why you stay with me. I mean, we’re friends, aren’t we? I think we’re at least friends. Do you think we’re friends? Does it… Hhhnn… Shimamura, say something. Let me hear your voice. Talk about me… I want you to understand me better than… better than anyone. I want to know you, and I want you to know me. I want you to be my number one, and I want to be yours… but… whenever something bad happens, I feel like I’m gonna break down… because it never feels like… I don’t know… like you cherish me? ‘Cherish’ is a weird word, but… but I want you to cherish me! I want to be cherished! Don’t treat me the same as everyone else – just a tiny bit special is all! Do you ever even think about me? We haven’t seen each other all summer, but… have you thought about me at least once? Because I’ve been thinking about you the whole time! Just you! Nothing but you! So I want you to… think about me, too… Not that we’re the same… I know I’m different… but I still keep hoping… I try to stop it, but… even when you… betray me like this… I still want to talk to you on the phone… But now look at how it’s turned out… and there’s nothing I can do… I don’t know what to do, Shimamura. Shimamura? The call’s still connected, right?

We’re still connected? But you’re so far away, and I miss you. I want to see you in person, and see you smile… I want you to stroke my hair and tell me it’ll be okay… Where are you right now? Where? Are you with someone? Is it her? Who is she? I keep asking you – is it that big of a secret? Are you close with her? Closer than me and you? I don’t want that! I don’t want anyone to be closer than me! I don’t want that… Tell me I’m wrong! I need to hear it! Because I think about you all the time! Is that not enough? Not good enough? If you need more than this, then what do I have to do? I don’t know the answer! I keep thinking about it, but I only ever screw up, so just tell me what you want me to be and I’ll try my best, I promise. Truth is, I don’t really care about the other girl. The real problem is that I miss you and I need to make a change, Shimamura. I get that, really… Hey, Shimamura, what are you thinking right now? Am I being weird? Acting crazy? Tell me about you. Talk to me. Chase me. I’m the one who always has to do the work! Me, me, me! This is what happens when the friendship is a one-way street! I’m falling apart, so I need you to meet me in the middle. Do you hate me now? You don’t hate me, do you? Please don’t hate me. I don’t want that. I don’t want you to hate me. I want – I want you to love me. Someone please love me… but I want it to be you… Do you hate me? Like my mom does? Are you going to stop talking to me now? Pretend I’m invisible? What do you want me to say? How do I get you to notice me? Grow wings and fly? Jump up and down? Hold your hand? Even if I tried, nothing ever seems to work… so what was I supposed to do all this time? How do I make it so nobody… Shimamura, please, I want to hear your voice… Say something… Reassure me… I just don’t want you to smile at anyone else. Smile at me! ME! My head hurts… and my stomach hurts… I’ve been agonising over this for so long – why didn’t you ever call me? Why didn’t you tell me? I want to know… I want to know about you… My feelings are all jumbled up now and I keep talking in circles, but I can’t help it. I mean, you’re all I ever think about, Shimamura… You’re all I’ve ever cared about and you’re all I ever will care about. I cherish you… I want to cherish you. I can’t not cherish you… so please just notice that I exist, okay?! I need you to notice me, Shimamura… I don’t want you thinking about other girls. I don’t want that… Are you going to hang out with her again? Where will you go with her? Downtown? To somewhere I’ve already been with you?! Don’t do that! Don’t replace me! Don’t replace our memories together! Will it be any different if you go with her? Will you see different things? No, no, NO! I don’t want that either! You have to be with me, and we have to share the same things… Feel the same things… You’re acting so weird! No, I know. I’m the one being weird.

But I can’t help it… I can’t get you out of my head… You’re always there, Shimamura… Shimamura… Shima...mura… Hhhnn...nnn...hic… Shimamura… Shimamura… Hhh...ghhck...nng… Shimamura? I want… Shimamura… Shimamura… Shimamura… All I want is you… That’s all I want… so please… I’m begging you, Shimamura… Please, just… Shimamura…”

(I actually had to add a paragraph spacers there because of Tumblr's formatting rules, but originally it was a full rant, uninterrupted by paragraphs)

[strangerthingslover69]

Your Russian Professor ~ part 3

18+ minors do not read!

Warnings ~ swearing, drinking, smut ~

In class the next day you found it hard to concentrate on your Professor talking. Remembering yesterdays conversation, how close you were to one another, his voice in your ear. God you were horny in the middle of class. It didn’t help by how much Dmitri talked with his hands. You were hypnotised by his hands. They were large and he moved them so carefully. You imagined what those fingers could do to you. How they would feel holding your hand down as he rammed himself into you. How they would feel inside of you knowing he could hit the places you couldn’t. Your thoughts were cut short’ ‘Y/N, what is answer to number four?’ Dmitri asked. Shit you weren’t listening. ‘I-I erm’ Dmitri walked over to you. ‘Were you even listening to me?’ He lowered himself and looked down on you. His hands leaning across your desk. Damn those hands. ‘S-sorry sir’ you looked down not daring to look up. ‘See me after class please’ he said walking off. You nodded. You wondered what had happened for his demeanour to change

You waited for everyone to leave before you left your desk. You walked over slowly approaching you professor. ‘You wanted to see me?’ You said in a small voice. He looked up at you with a disappointed face. ‘Y/N, why are you not paying attention in my class? Do you not want to learn?’ He asks you raising his eyebrows. You take a step closer to his desk. ‘I do! I’m sorry. I just get distracted. I don’t mean to. I promise I’ll listen better Sir.’ You say sadly looking at your shoes. He stands up from his chair and leans across the desk lifting you chin up so you can look at him. His touch makes you gasp. He quickly moves it away and sighs, ‘I marked your assignment already. It was very good. You did well. I need to do to do that in class too. I’m sure whatever has you distracted you can leave it. No?’ He says to you. All you can do is nod. ‘Since I already marked your assignment you can go. I have to be somewhere tonight’ he tells you. You try not to show your disappointment as your shoulders slump down ‘Okay. I’ll see you Monday sir. Good night’ you leave feeling sad. He was so different to you yesterday. What had you done wrong? Where did he need to be? You decided to push those thoughts away, he had clearly changed his mind about you. Walking to your dorm you bump into some others from your Russian class. You haven’t really got close to anyone but still make small talk. They invite you to a party someone is throwing and with the day you’ve had you think fuck it and agree to go. You needed to forget about your professor. He clearly forgotten about you

Dmitri didn’t have any plans, he ended up staying and marking the work from that day and the rest of the assignments. But he was a stuck with his mind battling itself. ‘It was the right thing to do. She’s too young. Your her professor. But why did she have to call you sir! Why did she have to wear a cute blue dress today that he could see your nipples poking through.’ His dick strained in his jeans. After you left yesterday his boss was telling him how well he was doing and praised how much time he gives his students. She was proud of him. He felt happiness to hear this but guilt as the thoughts he’d been having about you. You both shared such an intense intimate moment yesterday. He loved his job and didn’t want to lose it. After his phone call with you and how he touched himself he decided there to push any thoughts and feelings away. He needed to treat you the same way. He did feel guilty leading you on. You looked so sad when you were leaving but it was the right thing to do.

You browse your wardrobe looking for something to wear. You wanted to look hot. You wanted someone to want you. You needed to fuck to forget. You’re not a whore but you were gonna act like one. ‘Perfect!’ You say pulling out a dress hiding away. Normally you wouldn’t dare such a thing but the way you were feeling you didn’t care. You looked at your self in the mirror. You look hot. Your dress was black and hung around your curves in the right places. It sat comfortably under your ass cheeks, if you bent down you’d definitely be able to see the black lacy thong you wore. It was low cut showing a very good amount of cleavage. It didn’t leave too much imagination. You did light make up. Eye liner, mascara and a dark red lip. You wore your hair down so it flowed loose and curly. You added some accessories of a cute blue ring -matches your professors eyes you thought, you quickly push those thoughts away - a choker and some thin black tights. You were not a fan of heels so wore you black laced boots. You were ready. A girl from your class called Hannah came to your door to walk you to the party. Before leaving you both had a couple of shots for courage. ‘Can I just say Y/N you look incredible!’ She says as you walk down the halls. ‘Thank you! So do you!’ She did. She looked lovely. Hannah wore a black dress too but longer than yours covering her chest. You felt rather exposed but you gave up caring. You entered the dorm room, it was pretty full. Technically no parties or drinking were allowed on campus but you didn’t care and neither did anyone else. You and Hannah squeezed your way into the room finding the closet alcohol you could get your hands on. There were plenty of cute and single boys here. And you knew some eyes were most definitely on you. You drank and you danced with Hannah for the start of the night but she got with someone, a girl to your surprise no judgment at all. As you carried on drinking from your cup you felt someone’s hand come onto your hip. ‘Hey there baby’ he whispered in your ear. You turn to face him and my oh my he was hot. ‘Hey there yourself pretty boy’ you reply, the alcohol definitely giving you courage. ‘What’s a pretty girl like you dancing all alone?’ He asks, his hand roaming further down near your ass. Your bodies pressing more closely to one another. ‘I was waiting for you’ -cringe- ‘The names Billy.‘ he says squeezing your ass. Making you squirm with excitement. ‘Y/N. Nice to meet you Billy’ you slur to him. ‘Y/N, wanna dance?’ He asks spinning you so your back is pressed against his chest again. ‘I’d love to’ you reply as you begin ‘dancing’ with one another.

Dmitri puts down his pen and stretches up. ‘Ну наконец то’ (finally) All work is marked up to date and assignments graded. He looked at his watch 10:45, it took him longer than he expected. Some of the wording was hard to read as they butchered his beautiful language. He gathered his things and locked the classroom door exiting the building ready to go to his car and finally go home. As he was making his way to his car he heard a gaggle of students outside, clearly drunk. He sighed making his way over. ‘Okay guys c’mon it’s past curfew. Time to go!’ He said moving them away. One protested, ‘C’mon professor! The parties still go- ow!’ They shout as one of their friends hits them. ‘Party? Where is this party?’

Billy and you were still ‘dancing’ okay so he was basically grinding his dick into your ass. You could feel the outline of his dick. ‘Baby you are so hot’ he whispers into your ear, his lips starting to move down to kiss your neck. Making you moan. No one can hear as the musics too loud and no one cares. Everyone including you is wasted. His hands start to slowly roam down your body. Stopping at the bottom of your dress. His hand creeping it’s way under when you hear a familiar voice shouting. ‘вечеринки закончились!’ He shouts over the music. No one knows what he’s saying not just because you’re all wasted. ‘I said PARTIES OVER. C’mon out. Unless you all want to be kicked off your course. GO!’ He cuts the music off. Some party goers leave right away, ‘I will be informing the head of year about this!’ He shouts as he makes his way into the room more to heard students away. He stops when he sees you. His eyes look you up and down. He thinks how sexy you look in that tight dress. You’re too drunk to tell but you think he’s angry. You forgot Billy was on you till he whispers, ‘wanna take this back to mine?’ You stand there frozen unable to move, you let out a nervous giggle and this brings Dmitri over. ‘Ahh Mr Hargrove. I believe you are on your last warning already with your professor no? I suggest you leave right now before I make a call to your parents letting them know about how you spend your time, no?’ Billy’s hand move off you and he moves back, ‘fuck. Don’t my old man will not be happy, please don’t’ Billy is pleading with Dmitri. ‘Go now and I will forget about this.’ Dmitri snarls. Billy exits without looking back at you. Dmitri watches him leave and turns to you, ‘Y/N. How disappointing.’ He says folding his arms. You have drank so much that you can’t help but giggle. ‘I-I’m sorry sir. - your feeling very brave as you take a step closer to him resting a hand on his chest - ‘I’m a naughty girl’ you say biting your lip. Not everyone has left yet so they give you some questionable stares. Dmitri notices and removes your hand off him, ‘you are drunk. Too drunk. I am tired. Too tired for this дерьмо (shit) Go back to your dorm room. Now’ he says with a serious look. ‘Can you help me there sir? I’m very drunk and *hiccup* don’t think I can make it there by *hiccup* myself.’ You slur your words and give him a smile. Dmitri rubs his eyes and let’s out a heavy breath. He knows he can’t leave you like this. ‘черт возьми’ (for fuck sake) he mutters under his breath. ‘Come on Y/N. Let’s get you back.’ He says. You smile eager as you follow him out.

‘Where is your room?’ He asks turning around. Only you’re not there. You’re on the floor, you’ve lost your balance and fallen over. You’re just laid on there laughing. Everyone had left now so it’s just you and Dmitri. ‘Seriously?’ He asks with his hands on his hips. ‘S-sorry sssir! The floor tripped me *hiccup* up’ you say attempting to get yourself up. You fail. Dmitri sighs as he leans down to help you. Your dress has lifted up and exposing your barely covered ass. You don’t notice but Dmitri certainly does. He finds it a challenge not to look. He helps you up and you instantly hook your arm around his. He moves your dress down for you. He wants to touch it so bad. ‘I-it’s just down the hall and and to the *hiccup* left’ you say giving direction to Dmitri. ‘I’m surprised you remember your way, you’ve clearly had too much’ Dmitri says harshly at you. ‘Well, w-why the fuck not! *hiccup* you you wanna know why? Why *hiccup* I drank?’ You say stopping your tracks and pointing him in the chest. He turns to you quizzically. ‘You. You professor A-Antonov. You are why!’ you say sadly stumbling off you your room. Dmitri is quick behind you. He reaches for you and pulls your wrist turning you around. ‘Me? What the hell did I do?!’ You move away rolling you eyes. You fumble in your bra, Dmitri looking down at your chest gulping. You pull out your key and go unlock your door. Making your way through your room before plonking heavily down on your bed. Dmitri follows you in locking the door behind. ‘You. You confused me! Y-you flirted with me. Y-ou almost touched me for Christ sake!’ You sit up saying it loudly l than you meant. He rushed over convering your mouth with his hand. You look up into his eyes, they are such a pretty blue. Your eyes are wet from being upset as you try not to cry. ‘I am sorry. I did not mean to hurt or upset you Y/N’ Dmitri says genuinely to you. He removes his hand and sits next to you. ‘Professor- I know I haven’t known you long *hiccup* time but I l-like you. I want you. I can’t stop thinking about you *hiccup* your my distraction. - still very drunk you are feeling more brave. You put your hand on his thigh moving it up and down. You can see him visibly gulping. ‘It’s so hard to concentrate when you wear those tight shirts and trousers.’ You hand goes higher near his growing erection. ‘I can’t help but imagine the things you’d do to me with those hands. They are so big, i bet they-‘ your voice is cut off by someone knocking on your door. ‘Y/N?’ You hear Billy’s voice. He tried the door handle, thank god Dmitri locked it. ‘C’mon baby, the commies gone now. Let me in’ he says through your door. You see Dmitri’s hand turning into a fist. His nostrils flaring.

Before he knows what he’s doing he’s pushing you back in to the bed climbing on top of you. Your head spins as he pushes you down. Dmitri’s eyes are filled with something you’ve not see before. He lowers himself to your bottom half spreading your legs open. ‘Блядь’ (fuck) he mutters to himself. He pushes your dress up and rips your thong off throwing it on the floor. You gasp taken by surprise if his actions. He looks up at you, ‘Y/N here is what’s going to happen. I am going to eat this perfect little pussy and you are going to be as quiet as a mouse. You don’t want your ‘friend’ to hear you, no?’ He whispers. You shake your head. ‘хорошая девочка’ (good girl) You don’t know what he’s says but it sends shivers everywhere. Dmitri latches onto your clit straight away knowing exactly where it is. You cover your mouth quickly to hide your moan. Billy knocks again, ‘I know you want me baby. I know you want my dick in that pussy’. Hearing him say this Dmitri gets angry. He latched his lips more intensely around you clit, sucking up your arousal. Without warning he plunges two fingers into your aching hole pumping them in and out hard. You can’t help but let a moan slip. Dmitri moves his mouth off your clit. ‘What did I say? тихая девушка’ (quiet girl) you sit up slightly peeling your dress off and bite down on it to hide your moans. Dmitri takes in your beautiful body. He must have you. Even if it means loosing his job. He goes back licking your clit in the figure eight making your hips buck up. He adds his pinky into your ass and fucks you with as well as adding another finger in your pussy. You were in fucking heaven. Billy still knocking not giving up. ‘Open up you whore!’ He shouts. Dmitri detaches from your clit but continues fucking your pussy and ass. ‘Okay Y/N. Show him how much of a whore you are then. Moan.’ Dmitri commands. You rip your dress out of your mouth and moan loudly as Dmitri’s tongue goes back on your throbbing bud. He’s eating you like a starved man. Licking, sucking and biting. You’ve never had such an experience. You hear louder knocks on the door but your too focused on the way you feel to notice. ‘Fuck fuck fuck s-so close daddy!’ Dmitri moans into your pussy as you say daddy. The extra vibration sending you over the edge. Your orgasm explodes and you cum all over Dmitri’s mouth and fingers. ‘You fucking bitch!’ Billy kicks the door and you hear him leave. As you come down from quite possibly the most amazing orgasm you have ever had Dmitri slowly pulls out his fingers and kisses your wet pussy before crawling on top of you. ‘How was that красивая?’ (Beautiful) ‘удивительно’ (amazing) you reply. ‘Ahh very good Y/N. Good pronunciation.’ Dmitri says with a smile.

You look at one another for a minute before you speak. ‘Will you stay the night?’ You ask quietly, you know he’ll say no but you just want to fall asleep in his arms. Dmitri is torn. He would love to but also knows if he’s caught you will both be in trouble. You move closer to Dmitri’s face, you can smell yourself on his breath. You go in for a kiss. Just a soft one. It takes him by surprise. Even though his face and fingers have been on your pussy this somehow feels more intimate. You pull back sighing as he didn’t kiss you back. Dmitri leans down and pulls you in for a kiss much more passionate than yours, tongues intwining with one another. It leaves you breathless and gives you butterflies. You can’t help but whimper into him. ‘I need you inside of me’ you whisper. ‘Y/N as much as I’d love that you are drunk. I want our first time to be.. -he’s looking for the right word - ‘особенный’ (special) You look at him and ask, ‘what does that mean?’ ‘I will tell you on Monday. Can be one of our key words.’ He tells you and you can’t help but smile. ‘Will you stay Dmitri?’ You asks one last time. Fuck it. ‘I will stay.’ Dmitri replies with a smile. You pull him in for another kiss. ‘C’mon you need to sleep’ Dmitri says as he gets off you. He helps you up off the covers, you go to the bathroom and wash your make up off. You shimmy your bra off and pull your boots off almost falling over in the process. You brush your teeth and go back into your room. Dmitri is already in your bed waiting. ‘Блядь’ (fuck) he whispers as you crawl in next to him. ‘You are truly beautiful’ he says as you nuzzle into his bare chest. ‘Goodnight Dmitri’ you say with a yawn. ‘Good night Y/N’. You fall asleep straight away on Dmitri snoring lightly. Dmitri however has a lot of things on his mind. The main one right now is the fact your naked next to him. He goes as hard as a rock. It doesn’t help you move around a lot. Your leg draped over his, feeling your bare pussy on his thigh and your bare chest next to his. Dmitri knew he was going to be in a shit ton of trouble if anyone found out but he couldn’t stop it. He was falling for you. You were falling for him too

[despairing-disaster]

Initial thoughts on ch 2 ep 1 (ik it’s early but I wanna lay out some stuff rn)

Listen, ppl all had their own opinions about the protag swap theory. Some thought it would happen, some thought it was stupid, I thought it was gonna be a temporary POV change in the first episode before Teruko got back to her regular girlbossing and whaddaya know, I was right!

On the topic of me being right though, I swear the only times I am right about things are when I can’t exactly explain why I think something, therefore I don’t ever say it because “that’s stupid,” but I feel like the motive as well as the delivery, both in the timing and the fallout, was something I could’ve seen coming. I dismissed the idea as too dramatic at some point, apparently forgetting that DRDT is the reality TV of fangans (but probably less scripted somehow).

I’m honestly pretty hyped about the motive though. I always thought that the canon equivalent in the first game was lacking in some ways, so seeing a fresh twist on a classic is always fun.

It also makes me wonder about the hidden quotes. Ik I talk abt these more than I reasonably probably should given they’re, uh, hidden, but in addition to what probably counts as more context for J’s quote, I’m also currently looking at Arei’s and Levi’s.

Levi talked a bit about his family and being disowned as well as how he feels he has to put effort into being nice, so a part of me wonders if there’s something he feels particularly guilty about in relation to his quote. His listed dislike is also unpredictable people and I figure that may be related as well.

But Arei’s seems more pertinent to me. She’s been nothing but an emotionally manipulative ass this whole time and now she has someone else’s dirty laundry and the full ability to air it if she so pleases, but idk what she’s gonna do with it. If her quote is relevant to something in this chapter in particular, she may decide on keeping it to herself. She obviously has a limited idea of how friendships really work, but maybe she has some decency when it comes to a situation like this.

Teruko’s commentary and leaning on the 4th wall as well as MonoTV’s incredibly (in)convenient incompetence is really only doing more to reinforce the idea in my mind that she knows way more than she’s letting on as well as a the fact that a lot of information about her is being withheld from the audience and we probably don’t have a complete look into her mind. Also, the phone. We have seen that phone before, just not in the killing game.

I feel like Arturo’s reaction to finding out J was related to a famous actress was... kind of what I expected it to be, but for all his preaching about physical beauty, he sure didn’t fuckin notice anything special about her until that exact moment, huh. Almost like he’s full of shit and just obsessed with fame and glamour as concepts.

It’s also really sweet to see Charles actually probably have more faith and hope coming out of the trial than going into it. And despite the tensions and him being turned down, him asking Teruko if she wants to explore with him is probably the most civil conversation they’ve had so far throughout the entire game. I think even if neither of them have a lot of faith in everyone else, they at least seem like they have less hard feelings towards each other. Like two siblings who grew up in a shitty household and always fought but start actually tolerating each other the moment they accept they were both victims even if they don’t really talk about it.

I’m fuckin scared to see my boy get woobified even more tho.

Oh! And a bit more on J’s quote actually. I wonder if her animosity towards her mom (and actors as a whole) was just wrought from the secondhand fame she never wanted or if her mother tried to force her into acting herself. Her dialogue in the FTEs that dropped last year at the very least indicate she had femininity forced upon her, but pushing a child into acting for more fame and fortune is a very special kind of fucking your kid up for the rest of their life and the horrible shit child actors and actresses are put through is becoming more and more discussed in an ever increasingly digital world.

But yeah. Mega hyped for this chapter, especially with the motive as I am, unfortunately, a sucker for hot, juicy goss

[vipier]

sorry , i've got … i've got a lot of work to do .

WHERE MOMENTS BEFORE HE WAS ALL FIRE, IT TAKES ONLY THOSE FEW WORDS TO TURN TRISTAN TO STONE. somehow, he manages to avoid flinching in the face of cassian’s practiced apathy. nothing creeps beneath his skin worse than being treated like just anyone by the one person who knows him best of all — especially because it means @k4ssa knows there’s no better way to make him feel small. tris casts his gaze around the disorganized workshop, the captain’s haven in the bowels of yavin iv, and for a moment, he sees the hours upon hours he’s spent here with him flash before his eyes. nothing and nobody else ever would have brought him to this planet. he’d never developed a taste for any of this, for the martyrdom, for the fight against one tyrant that he’s sure will immediately create another. he stays for one reason, for one person, because he needs cassian … and cass needs at least someone who places his wellbeing over some intangible ideal.

a thankless goddamned job, clearly. exhibit a: this fucking conversation.

“ you always do these days, don’t you, ” tristan answers in little more than a hiss, a sneer. standing, he kicks the chair he had been sitting in back against the table with a loud clang. there has always been so much love between them, enough to nearly suffocate him, but that love has many dimensions, comes with baggage that has built and built over the years until tris swears he can feel his back physically strain with the weight of it all. “ fine. you want me gone, I’m gone. just do me a favor, cass, and don’t fucking apologize to me when you’re not actually sorry. I can read it all over your face, even with this bullshit ice queen act of yours. ”

it’s a dance they’re used to doing by now. cassian pushes him aside for his rebellion again and again, utterly obtuse and willfully ignorant to tristan’s motivations, even though there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be able to read them, brilliant as he is. tristan lashes out, grasping him violently close with one hand while pushing him away with the other, seeking to wound, seeking to punish at times, to force cassian to feel some fraction of his own agony, his own sense of worthlessness. it is as if to remind him, you may hold more power over me than I do over you, but don’t forget I can still hurt you back. he can’t successfully pretend at this point in his miserable life that he simply doesn’t care about his lover, that he could walk away permanently without tearing away a vital part of himself — but he certainly has a storied history of being willing to harm himself deeply for lesser reasons and he’s more than willing to allow that silent threat to linger, to make cass wonder if he might actually follow through one day, despite the damage it would do to him, too. it’s his only defense.

“ don’t call, ” he snaps as he strides toward the exit. please call, echoes in the back of his mind, almost in a whimper, all the more pathetic and humiliating, all the more reason to push himself out the door before he can embarrass himself further. “ I know when I’m not wanted. trust me. plenty of experience. I’m sure all your rebels will throw a goddamned party when they realize I’m gone. a win for everyone, it seems. enjoy your work, captain. ” he braces himself as he pushes through the far door, jaw set and brow furrowed, all coiled and furious energy, each step more determined than the last, despite the way each one tears at his chest.

if only he weren’t already silently willing cassian to call him back.

[inquisitor13]

May I have parental Valdemar with a non-binary teen that just went through their first heart brake? I’m very curious as to how the’ll handle the situation

Yeees, sure.

The teenager's condition will be noticed quickly enough, much earlier than it will result in an obvious problem. Valdemar everyone notices and notes any changes, even those who are not able to catch a person with trained eyes.

Questor tries to give them a chance to cope on their own, exactly until the situation starts to get out of control. This is necessary in order for the teenager to figure out for himself whether he needs to talk about such a personal problem or not, because Valdemar is clearly not one of those who will climb into personal space against someone else's will, especially when it comes to other people's feelings and emotions.

Valdemar has a high, very high empathy, but if they don't tell them directly, they won't do anything to to help, but they will just wait or watch the pupil. It may seem like they're being bullied or something, but they're not.

They just don't know what to do. They see teenage condition perfectly, maybe even understand them feelings, but Valdemar simply don't know where to start, if the teenager himself does not turn to them with a problem.

If this moment comes, the Questor will first express gratitude for the trust shown and fall asleep with a lot of questions about what exactly happened, which is most disturbing, and will not forget to ask about your physical well-being.

Expect questions in style:

"What makes you worry the most?"

"Do you forget to take care of your health due to circumstances?"

"Will you explain what kind of help I can provide?"

Their support and care is very non-standard. Valdemar managed to forget about such things as teenage problem during his long existence, so they can't show enough sympathy. It's not easy for them, but that doesn't mean they don't try. Questor's methods are aimed at a practical solution to the problem rather than caring about feelings, for example, they will monitor more closely how they sleep, whether appetite has become worse, whether have become ill more often. But it's a little bit not what they need, so we will have to clarify again that the trouble is not directed at the physical condition, but emotional.

Questor are not very good at emotional support, but this pragmatism can help in many ways: in the course of analyzing the problem with them, it is easy to identify the main weaknesses and take note of it. Conversations are often accompanied by the fact that Valdemar gently hold the hand of the pupil, hug their shoulders slightly, stroke back and try to maintain visual contact. These gestures clearly demonstrate their indifference to problems and the desire for the teenager to feel better. Conversations are not complete without tears of grief on the part of a teenager. At such moments, Valdemar, although amazed and in a stupor, they do not stop quietly saying soothing words, despite the fact that it often sounds the same and monotonous.

Surprisingly, after such uncomplicated conversations, it gets better, despite the fact that the Questor did not do anything supernatural. They just sat next to each other, silently listened to absolutely everything and occasionally inserted comments. They just know that a teenager needs to give free rein to emotions, especially when it has been held back for too long. They can cry for hours on the Questor's shoulder, scream, swear at injustice, but Valdemar will be there all the time, no matter how long it takes - hours or minutes, handing napkins and giving awkward touches. A little later, they will bring them a cup of soothing tea and continue to sit next to them in silence. No, they won't get bored, even if it goes on all day. The Questor is ready to spend at least a day on his pupil, if necessar. yNo, they won't get bored, even if it goes on all day. The Questor is ready to spend at least a day on his pupil, if necessary.

A little later, Valdemar explains that the current situation is not the victim's fault.

"Darling, just accept and let it go. You still have your whole life ahead of you, which will be filled with moments that can overshadow your trouble. Forget about it. It doesn't matter anymore and it's not worth your fragile nerve cells. Besides, did you know that nerve cells don't regenerate? No? Then now you know and take note."

Anyway, they are worried about the condition of the teenager, so they cannot avoid controlling the quality and quantity of sleep and appetite.

Regular conversations with Valdemar soon help to feel the growing day by day easement. The teen feels the old heavy load leaving them and clears the way to a new life. Why is this happening? After all, Questor did not do anything special, but there is nothing complicated in their method: they were nearby. Then, when necessary, when the pupil felt the need for someone to be with them and Valdemar successfully filled this need, did not condemn and did not get angry.

Their last words during one of the conversations were: "No matter what happens, you can always come to me and I will be here."

[solarsavoy]

I’m just going to ask you for this now before I forget but for character Tuesday, do you think you can do Maehara this time 👀

Character Tuesday, Maehara!

I actually started this last night and had to go to work so I was going to finish it later, but then my allergies decided to wake me up at 3:30 and I usually post this at 4 so I figured "why not" and finished it up now and I'm only posting it 40 minutes later than my usual time. Definitely some Maehara vibes for you, lol. Enjoy the ask! Thank you, Hailey for sending it.

1 – Favorite color?

Red, because it's flashy. He doesn't always look the best in it, but I totally see him being the type to get a red convertible for the attention.

2 – Hobbies?

Hanging out at the mall trying to pick up ladies.

3 – What are their strengths?

He knows how to compliment a lady. Trust me, not everyone knows how to legitimately do that. Living in the moment, and able to think quickly on his feet because of it.

4 – What are their weaknesses?

Committment. Long-term anything. I imagine he's the type that has to study all night the night before or he'll start to forget things. Unorganized. (Or as I like to call it, a particularly organized mess on purpose.)

5 – Favorite food(s)?

Junk food. Any of it. I can see his body not being able to keep up after his teen years are over and him going on one of those strict diet and exercise routines and then finally in his 30's being one of those dads that sneaks in a bacon cheeseburger in the middle of the night because it "doesn't count if no one's watching". I see you Maehara. 👀

6 – Least favorite food(s)?

Those protein bars and shakes that taste like chalk or are just plain flavorless. Avoids them like the plague.

7 – What would be their dream job?

Talent scout. What better job than to check out attractive and talented people all day?

8 – What is their DND alignment?

Neutral good. He's a good person at heart and has both lawful and chaotic tendencies. He isn't afraid to stand up for what's right, but he's also not afraid to "bend the rules" a bit either. I imagine Isogai had a large part in the lawful side even existing.

9 – What is their hidden talent?

He's double jointed. He probably showed this off a lot to people when he was younger just to get the "gross!" reaction but when he started liking girls and actively going after them, he hid it. Didn't want them thinking he was gross on the first date. 😉

10 – List a personality quirk of this person.

He's a romantic, in a quirky way. Of course he knows how to sweep a girl off her feet, but he also envisions them in sweet scenarios. If a girl wants to sing, he'll imagine he's backstage at her concert with a boquet, or if the girl is into tennis, he imagines going to all her games and when she wins the championship, their eyes meet despite all the chaos surrounding them. He does this in the moment and it's what makes his conversation during dates so flawlessly perfect. In the singer's case, "you have the voice of an angel. I could only wish to give you a flower worthy of your lips." In the case of the tennis player, "your focus on the ball is astounding. I could only hope to catch even a second of that gaze." But he never tells them about his scenarios. They are secret moments and then he forgets them.

11 – List something strange/weird/unexpected about this character that their loved ones probably don’t know about them.

He has something that belonged to the first girl that ever broke his heart. It's the one thing he never forgets. He'll pull it out of its hiding place if he happens to not have a date on certain holidays and then swears he'll never let someone else hurt him like that again. And then he'll sit there and remember why he fell in love with her.

12 – What is their complex? (Sister, inferiority, etc) Explain.

Don Juan complex, which basically means he desires to have many sexual encounters with people. It specifies with a man wanting to be with many women, but I'm sure it still applies if that man is bisexual.

13 – What is their main sin of the seven deadly ones?

Lust times infinity. Just kidding, kinda.

14 – How would they be as a parent?

Okay, so, because I think he eventually becomes bi and that he also feels that gender is irrelevant, especially in love, it depends on the kid. If the kid is soft spoken and shy, ultimate protective dad. Interrogates anyone who dares date them. Makes the date PROVE they will take care of his baby. Age holds no bounds. He'll do this if his kid's 40. If the child is confident or outspoken and sociable, he constantly gives them advice on how to pick up others. Constantly talks them up and shares dating stories. When the kid's younger, he'll talk about all the wonderful things they'll do, such as dating all the pretty people and how he's gonna have trouble beating them off with a stick. I think he'd do this no matter what. He'd be so lost if his kid ended up being asexual. 😆 He'd be like "who the hell'd you inherit that from?" And then constantly asking questions, trying to understand, and failing to do so.

15 – What is their main love language?

Touch. He's always the first to initiate and it always has more thought behind it than others would expect, but the person's reaction would tell him everything he needs to know about them. It would say they were interested, or not, and he can tell from a single touch, a bump, an accidental brush of their fingers. I think it's why he's been so successful, at least enough to get known for dating a lot of people.

16 – How do they act around a crush?

It goes one of two ways depending on how long he's known them. Less than a week, no different than he would picking up any other girl. If it's someone in 3-E or even Isogai, I think he avoids them. He'd be afraid of getting hurt because they already know too much. He'd fumble his words. Everything would come out wrong. Oh, the angst! He'd say something stupid and go run away to the bathroom and cry about it for being so uncharacteristically uncool. And then he'd convince himself it wouldn't work and move on to the next person. 😅 Poor dude.

17 – How do they act when they are in love?

There are two answers for this.

1. The love he thinks he knows.

He's flying over the moon. He's telling everyone about them. He's bragging about them. Millions and millions of pictures are taken. Spends lots of time with them. Gets into trouble with them. And then the honeymoon stage ends and he moves on and the girls call him out on his committment issues.

2. Real love.

He constantly feels sick. His voice gets caught in his throat. He's weak in the knees. He's nervous. He's scared to touch them or hold their hand, but doesn't want to leave. He's a lost puppy hoping the person will take care of him, and he's loyal in return, never wanting to leave. He's at a loss for words, and the words that come are all jumbled up. He's so in love, he's lovesick all the time. He'd be happy just to be in the same room as them, staring at them. It's so intense it's scary, and he never wants it to stop.

18 – How would they react to a confession of love?

"I know. Wanna go on a date? I'm totally free tonight/right now." 😉 (Says this whether or not he's actually free. It's not often when they approach him instead of vice versa.)

19 – How do they show their love/affection?

He's strikes me as a huge cuddler. I also imagine he's good at displays of affection via gifts like flowers and chocolate or last second vacations where they just take the train without a destination in mind and see what happens, but not on anniversaries or anything. It needs to be random.

20 – What is their idea of a good time?

When he is completely lost in the moment. It doesn't matter what he's doing or who he's with, but the moment needs to overtake any other worries or thoughts holding him back. He needs to be engaged and laughing or screaming or making out or whatever the situation calls for. But any time he's lost in the moment is a good time for him. It's all about living life to the fullest in that second, or minute, or hour. Those moments that seem to last forever are his favorite.

21 – Describe their ideal date.

You know, this is actually the question I'm answering last? 😅 I couldn't really come up with anything unique and I feel like I'm a broken record, but his ideal date is one where he finds a way to wisk both him and his date off into the moment. It'd be filled with lots of sporadic decisions that happen to work out. They pick a destination and end up stopping along the way for something better, and some fancy restaurant ends up with a cancelation and they're able to skip the 2 month reservations and get in at the last second. Anything that just... sweeps him away. That's the ideal date.

22 – How do they handle drama?

By adding to it. I fully see Maehara being the center of drama and unknowingly, or even knowingly, adding to it. It's legitimate. I mean, that thing with Kaho and Seo wasn't really his fault, but it was certainly centered around him. And I don't blame him for being hurt by it, but it's not hard to imagine that there's many scenarios that happen that way in his life, allbeit less brutal, but being a promiscuous loverboy doesn't exactly lead a drama free life. 😅

23 – What is their sexual preference/sexuality?

I've lightly mentioned this in passing before, but I fully believe Maehara is a hypersexual bisexual. I see him preferring women mostly, but after some self reflection, I think he'd be open to men too. I also see him being the "man" in all cases though, which is why I think he'd prefer women. I don't think he'd like being the one that's pursued. Being the pursuer isn't necessarily gender specific, but men tend to be the pursuer more often and as flattering as it is, that's the fun part for him. He has to be the pursuer. He has to be the one that brings the flowers, that picks the date, that works hard to impress the person. It's the fun part for him.

As a sidenote, I do think he'd be willing to try out an open relationship with someone. I don't think it'll work long term though. As far as marriage and settling down, he's monogamous, but I don't see him settling any time soon. No, he strikes me as a guy that's gonna try everything and everyone first. 😉

24 – What is their BDSM tag? (Brat, sub, Master, vanilla, etc)

So this one's kind of hard. I see him being on multiple sides for controller/controllee for different things, but I think this is the best way to explain him. He's a Hunter/Master. Put simply, Masters like controlled environments. Maehara isn't one who follows all the rules, which is distinctly not a Master trait, but he does like things certain ways and anything that deviates can be a turn off, which is a Master trait. Maehara wants to be the pursuer. I can see him wanting to be catered to in certain ways, like slaves take care of Masters. However, he wouldn't want the responsibility of controlling/caring for the slave per se. But in all other aspects, he's very Hunter-ish. Hunters live in the moment, follow carnal instincts, care more about the game than the rules of obtaining it. On a scale of 1 to 10 though, 10 being extreme, he's very light. I'd say 1 or 2 in Master and 3 or 4 in Hunter. Remember, this is more in terms of dynamic. I don't think he's very kinky, but he's explorative, so he'd probably have a lot of fun stories to tell before he settled down.

25 – What is their phobia or greatest fear?

It's a minor fear, but I think it goes along with Isogai's really well. He fears the unlived life. Now that I'm thinking of it, maybe Maehara was affected by the death of Isogai's father just as much. They were best friends growing up, so I'm sure he was close to him, and I've described Isogai's father as a person who loved what he did every waking second. In Isogai's father's case, he loved giving his time and money and love to those in need, especially his family. Perhaps Maehara interpreted it as simply loving life, so he grew to live in the moment. You know, I like this idea, so it is now my new headcanon. Maehara lives in the moment because of the effect Isogai's father had on him. 💙

26 – What is their emotional damage?

This is also not too extreme in my opinion, but it hits deep. That girl that broke his heart is something I think hurts him because she's the one that got away. It was his first love, even though it was so young, and it's shaped who he is in many ways. It's why he's afraid of committment. He's afraid of actually loving someone with all his heart, so he keeps it guarded. It's why I chose to go where I did with the loveydovey questions. The moment he realizes he actually likes someone, it's that "shit just got real" moment and he's terrified it'll end. I think this'll be easily overcome as he ages though, but like I said, it hits deep.

27 – How do they handle emotional pain?

Starts drama, like in that situation with Kaho and Seo. I don't blame him, but he is an active part of the drama. Lol. He's not afraid to call someone out on how they hurt him and he's not afraid to do this in front of other people, so yeah, he starts drama, whether or not that was actually his intention.

28 – How do they handle physical pain?

Like a champ! I think he's one of those tough guys that brushes it off unless there's a cute nurse, then he'd totally blow it out of proportion just to keep her around to nurse him back to health. 😆

29 – What would bring them to kill someone?

Another hard one. In some ways, I think he'd find it easy to do. In others, I don't think he's even capable of it. It all comes down to the moment. Does the moment call for it? Is it necessary? For example, if 3-E didn't love Korosensei at the end, I think he'd be perfectly okay killing him. If he were a soldier in war, he'd have no problem following through. If he's not though, then he wouldn't. I hope that makes sense.

30 – How would they react or change after they’ve killed someone?

Maehara strikes me as the type of guy that lives with no regrets, and with the answer to 29, each situation is different and comes with varying consequences. With that said, I think he'd find himself thinking about it at random and just be stuck in that moment for a while, silently watching it happen all over again. So it would haunt him, but he'd let it go, believe it had to happen, and move on. He wouldn't actually move on though. I think he'd find himself stuck in that moment over and over again throughout the rest of his life, but it wouldn't stop him from living, or at least trying to.

If any of this goes against canon, know that I answered these questions without any major research on Maehara. I think he'd be proud of me for going in unprepared. 😆 Anyway, I hope it doesn't stray too far away from anything. Feel free to let me know!

[diariesof-kg]

The Heartbreaker Continued...

Tmobile won’t let me disconnect my phone line, what a damn joke.  And IG keeps denying me of deactivating my IG.  I just came back from seeing my kids.  It somehow healed a part of me.  The innocence of children is honestly a beautiful thing.  It’s the ultimate forever love you’ll always get.

I noticed everyone was on their phones and well I wasn’t.  The consumption of social media is really something toxic.  Everyone also noticed my energy was way off even though I smiled a lot.  My best friend mom was like “...are you okay? Are you good...” I wanted to break but couldn’t.  It’s like one of those moments of do not speak about that forbidden thing.  I want to go to the beach tonight.  I feel the urgency to get there.  I am kind of glad the plans are cancelled for tomorrow.  Hearing my mom say “Be strong...” stings.  She knows I’ve attempted to take my life 3x and the next time will be the last.  The last conversation, I cried when she said “be strong Ke’Anna, you have to be...” if anything should happen to her.  Maybe that’s why she refuses to come see me?  In my dreams I see her feet never her face.  Maybe she’s scared that if I come in contact I’ll let go of this world.  I’ve been strong and I’m tired.  Everyday I wake up and I am in pain.  I swear I don’t want to be in this vessel anymore.  It’s a weird type of pain.  And look at me venting my thoughts out.  Look at me disappearing, and yet, “I am a ghoster and a bad friend” Lol.

When shit hits the fan, no one has my back at all.  I honestly DO NOT understand why I am so bothered.  That’s why I need to go away.  I am beyond vulnerable at this point.  Accountability also bothers me.  No one is willing to admit their wrongs and apologize.  I feel like once my mom died, I became very weak and everything bothers me.  Maybe I am scared of being alone for once, when at first I wasn’t because she was here.  Maybe I am scared of my subconscious?  Maybe I am seeking things to feel a void?  What if I have become broken (like everyone else) and seeking a healer?  I feel like a disease walking around infecting those around me unintentionally.  I feel ugly inside.  This friend thing boiled everything over for me.  Capricorns are the goats but we feel things too.  We have emotions too.  We hurt too.  

I do be use to people’s actions, but a person can only handle so much.  The fact that my sister came and was so busy visiting her friends was hurtful.  I was only allowed two days and that barely worked.  I wanted to have lunch with her and my girlfriend but my sister schedule just didn’t allow that and she wasn’t going to readjust anything.  *tears* Maybe I’m too sensitive?  I get everyone has their own life, but the fact my own sister spared me 2 days, real life hurts.  I have to take care of everything regarding our mother and my brother, meanwhile she has no responsibilities.  That’s why I always question, what am I doing here?  I am here to do what others are not willing to do.  Then she poured the drama on me and didn’t pour back into me at all.  It’s like Ke’Anna why are you even upset at this point, you should be use to this.  I shouldn’t be use to anything at this point, I should be respected and appreciated.  So many things bother me at this point, I just want to disappear.  My feelings are always denied and never heard, that’s why I don’t speak about them, I’d rather write them out.  I feel like as a child it’s always been this way, but then once I interacted with other humans, it’s still the same, friendships, relationships, family.....

I wish people would stop seeing me as a sexual object.  I can’t even begin to express those thoughts.  I’d never forget when, this chick my friends named her Candy Cane was so upset, and said “you could get it, aint no way no one is fucking you...”  that’s for a different blog post, but I’ll gather those screenshots from my old phone.  Some random number, sent nudes, asking me to eat their p*ssy.  Anyone would be delighted to have things like this happen, but if you knew what happened to me as a child, you’d be a bit more respectful.  Plus the other chick sexually assaulting me (for another blog).  Phew....there is so much bottled up it’s starting to leak.  I enjoy intimacy with love making with the person I choose to be with.  I am not interested in having sex with random folks or be enticed by inappropriate comments that come from people I am not in a relationship with.  The sad thing about is, I can’t ask no one I am friends with who liked me to stop by, because I am too scared of being touched on and not knowing what to do.  I can’t even hug folks without them being turned on.  It’s a sick world seriously.  Although I’d never let these people know where I live, it be the thoughts sometimes, I just be needing a friend, not to be fcked on.  I can’t deny how people feel, but I wish it wasn’t towards me, this is why deep inside I just want to be loved properly.  I wish people would stop having sex dreams about me and telling me, I gag every time.  And the reason I don’t reply, because when I tell people, its inappropriate it turns into this big deal and I am the bad guy.

I stopped posting on social media, because I don’t like the comments or DMs sometimes and I know that’s weird, but for some reason compliments make me feel weird.  

To end this blog ----

I wish I wasn’t as weak right now.  Feeling numb, is like not caring if you live or die.  Not caring about eating, just existing at this point.  I need to go to the beach, but I can’t see at night.  I want to be loved properly.  I think that’s why it’s hard for me to say, “I love you...” because I know I mean it, but others may not.  “I love you so much...” she said just to tell lies on me and become the victim.  “I love you key...” just to accuse me of messing with your best friend, and interfering with your baby daddy.  Can someone please say, “I love you” without the bullshit being attached.  

[ketso]

Episode 42

I just dropped Risuna off at crèche. He was asking me very weird questions today. I didn’t realise that us moving to a new environment had affected him this way. He asked me why he has to go to a new school. I told him it’s because we moved and his old school is now very far for us. He asked me if we’d be moving again. I said no, but if we did, would it be an issue? He told me that he wants to know if he should make friends or not. He doesn’t want to make new friends only for him to move, have to forget about them, then have to go and make new friends. I told him that we don’t plan to move any time soon. We also moved so that dad could get a new job and be able to take care of us. If we can help it, I promised him that we won’t move again. He made me pinky swear.

After that conversation, I felt the need to speak to his teachers and just understand how he has been adjusting. The teacher told me that he has no issues being a social child. He really doesn’t. But he told his teacher that he doesn’t want to make friends if we will be moving. I told the teacher that I’d speak to Keith and we will talk to him. The teacher said that if it doesn’t help, she will organise for the three of us to see the school therapist.

Ja neh.

Now I’m driving back home. But I’m thinking of going to see Keith first. I don’t like his PA. She’s so rude. Not that I’m expecting special treatment because I’m the boss’ wife… but I am the boss’ wife and some special treatment would be nice.

So yes, Keith paid lobola for me then we went and signed. I’m officially Mrs Basetsana Nkuna. We thought about having a wedding in Tholoana Kingdom, but our mothers are not having it. So between Keith’s schedule and us settling in this side, we will probably have this wedding in December.

“Hey baby”, Keith answers his phone after two rings.

“Babe, hey. You good?” Me.

“Just a bit hectic already. And wena? Ushup? How’s my boy?”

“Can I come see you? We need to talk a bit about Risuna.”

“What’s going on? Is something wrong?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Okay sure, come by.”

“You not too busy?”

“Baby, I’m always busy. But for you, I make time.”

“Okay. Is there someone who can assist me to get to your office? I don’t like your PA. She’s just so rude.”

“I’ll organise with the intern that sits in my office. Buzz me when you get here.”

“Okay… I’ll see you just now.”

“Shup.”

We hang up.

-

The intern meets me downstairs and she leads me upstairs.

“Hi Mrs N. How are you?” She says. She’s so young and cute.

“I’m good. I don’t think I got your name.” I say.

“Thabiso.” She says.

“Lovely meeting you, Thabi. Are you from the kingdom?”

“I am. Born and bred here.”

“Nice. Well, I hope you like working for my husband.”

She pulls a face.

I laugh then say, “And then?”

“Mrs N… on behalf of the office, we are begging… please make sure he’s in a good mood when he comes to the office. Yoh, we are all quite scared of him.”

I laugh then say, “consider me part of the team. I’ll do my bit.”

She laughs then high-fives me.

We finally get to the sixth floor where Keith sits. I walk through the open space area where everyone who works in his office sits. Everyone just looks tense. It’s not even 9am hle.

Thabiso points in the direction of his office then heads to her desk.

Shame man.

“Is it safe to enter?” I say as I stand at the door.

He lifts his head from some document that he’s reading. He looks at me. He smiles.

“Hello gorgeous”, he greets me.

“Hello handsome. Ujwang?”

“All the better for seeing you.”

I smile and say, “anything that I can help with?”

“You being here is making all the difference.”

I laugh then say, “I know admin, baby. And it’s not like I have anything to do between now and when Risuna comes home. I’ve got time on my hands. I can help… relieve the stress in wifely ways and in professional ways.”

He smiles at me.

He gets up from behind his desk. He walks to me. I can see that he’s already hard. He gets to me. I start brushing his penis.

He locks his door.

I become his wife on his desk… on his meeting table… and on his couches.

I hope we weren’t too loud.

He opens the windows as he gets dressed. I also get dressed and fix myself a bit.

“So, you wanted to chat about Risuna. Is everything okay?” He says to me.

We are both still fixing ourselves up.

“I had an interesting conversation with your son this morning”, I say.

“About?”

“Why we moved. He asked me why he can’t go to his old school. Then he wanted to know if we plan on moving again. His reason for that is that he doesn’t want to make new friends if we have to move again and have to leave his friends behind.”

He looks at me with concern.

“I told him that we moved because you got a new job. Then I promised him that if we can help it, we won’t move again. I then spoke to his teacher at school. She says that Risuna is fine with socialising, but he told her that he doesn’t want friends in case we have to move again.”

We look at each other.

“I think we need to talk to him about this… make sure he’s not being messed up, you know. The teacher said if you and I don’t succeed in chatting to him, he’ll see the school therapist.”

“Is it really that bad?” He asks me.

“It’s been a bit unstable. Maybe we do need to talk to him… make sure that he’s fine and reassure him, you know…”

“We will. Today. We definitely will.” He says then he kisses me.

“So, what’s making you so stressed out and cramping all over your employees?”

“I’m meeting with the board at the end of the week. The team is not coming to the party. My PA is useless. She’s barely helping me keep track of what is in place and what still needs to be worked on.”

“Maybe, I can help. I’ve put board packs together before. And I’ve helped prep for them.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Come on, let’s get started. I’ll probably have a lot done by the time that I have to fetch our son. Take me through what’s needed, then let me see what you have. We will make notes on what you still need then I’ll start drafting emails for you requesting what’s missing.”

“You are the best”, he says, kissing me.

We get to work!

-

By 13:30, I’m ready to leave to go and fetch my son. I’ve actually done more than we thought I’d do in just one day. His PA is giving me looks. She’s been giving me looks all day.

“I have to go and fetch your son”, I tell him. I wear my shoes now. I had actually taken off my shoes because I was deep into digging into the work.

“Already? But we need you around here. I need you.” He says.

I laugh at him.

He smiles.

“Why don’t you just fire that PA of yours? I mean if you still need this much help, surely she’s not doing her work.”

“I think she’s dating someone very senior… by senior, I mean someone on the board”, he says.

“Ja, but surely there’s a way that you can get rid of deadweight. Her vagina may be great for a board member, but it doesn’t get the job done adequately”, I say.

He actually laughs.

“Anyway, I’m out of here. I’ll probably have to wait a bit when I get to his school.”

“Why?”

“He says I fetch him too early. And I’m not sure if he’s old enough for me to fetch him later. He’s not even three.” I say.

He laughs then says, “So what’s the compromise? Because you can’t get there and wait all day.”

“I’ll give him an extra thirty minutes”, I say.

He just smiles and shakes his head.

“Bye baby. All the best, okay?”

“Bye my love. And thank you so much for all your help. I might just need to steal you again tomorrow.”

“Anytime I’m not being Risuna’s mommy, I’m all yours. So only when he’s at school.”

“Okay. I’ll get you a laptop that you can work on. This will be very helpful. You might need to work with my PA though.”

I pull a face.

He laughs.

“You better pay me in sex… in abundance.” I say.

“So I’m prostituting myself?” He says laughing.

I laugh.

We kiss.

I finally leave.

…

I’m chatting to HR about Bassie helping us this week. I’m telling them that she won’t be getting paid. She just has good admin skills that I could really use because the PA I was given is more than useless. All she knows to do is to be rude to people and make my office seem extremely unapproachable. HR is telling me that it’s fine, it’s just that they are worried about the precedence I could be setting. If it becomes a problem, it will stop… but until then, I need her assistance.

Then I also ask HR what my options are regarding the PA. She laughs then says,

“Mr N… you know she was hired as a favour, right?”

“I don’t care. You can give her to someone else who can make a plan with a useless and rude PA. I need someone who will do the work. I don’t care about the connections and favours. I need someone who will produce the work. How am I paying someone a salary when I have to ask my wife to come and assist my office for free?”

“I hear you, Mr N. And I’ll start the process of recruiting a PA for you. Then I’ll move Judy to a lower management manager. In the meantime, what’s your plan? Can your wife stand in until we employ someone full time?”

“I’m sure she won’t mind. Thank you.” I say.

She nods her head then leaves my office.

I push some work for a few hours, making notes of things I’ll ask Bassie to help me with after Risuna goes to sleep. Bassie is honestly a God-sent in my life.

“Mr N, I have the files that Mrs N asked me for. She promised she’d go through them with me. Is she coming back?” The intern says. She’s already in my office. I guess the door was wide open. I don’t even know her name and I don’t want to know it. I don’t want anyone here getting over familiar with me. For one, I don’t want issues with my wife. Noria taught me that saying more than just hi to any female is a problem. I’ve learned my lesson.

“She will be here tomorrow morning. I’ll let her know that you need her.” I say to her.

“Thank you, sir. Should I organise a desk for her in our area?”

Yes, because I don’t want these people in my office doing whatever tasks they have with Bassie. I think they also don’t want to be in my office any longer than they have to be.

“Yes, that would be great. Thanks.” I say.

Like I said… I don’t know her name, so I can’t even say thanks so-and-so.

She’s already left. Good.

I leave the office at about 6pm.

Everyone is already gone. I’ll come in early tomorrow morning.

My drive home is quiet. I know when I get home, we will be bullied by Risuna’s noise and TV shows. This is my time for peace.

I arrive home and park my car. The first thing I did when I got this job was trade in my Audi A4, then bought a Range Rover sport. Bassie didn’t want to let her A1 go. I don’t understand! I convinced her to get something more spacious. She’s travelling with Risuna most of the time. She needs to manage him, his luggage and his car seat… then manage her luggage. So she ended up settling on a BMW X3. I can live with that. I don’t like small cars. I never have and I probably never will.

I walk into the house carefully. Risuna likes to hide behind doors and do weird things. So we can’t be aggressive when opening doors anymore. Since he started walking and starting speaking, we are in trouble.

Just as anticipated…

He’s right behind the door and he “scares” me. I also pretend to be scared. He laughs! I know I’ve made his day. He gets a kick out of this.

Now I put my bags down and lift him up, tickling him and making him laugh. I spot Bassie smiling at us.

“How are you, my boy?” I ask him.

“Good.” He says.

“How was school?”

“Not good.”

“Why?”

“I got into trouble.”

“For what?”

“I… I… I… I finished my hotdog quickly. Then… then… then… then teacher gave me another one. So I ate. Now she says I stole a hotdog.”

“You stole a hotdog?”

“NOOOO! Teacher gave me two. Just because she didn’t see that I already had one, it’s not my fault!”

I want to laugh neh.

But Bassie is not happy. So this is clearly not a funny matter.

I greet Bassie with a kiss while Risuna is still in my arms, “Hey baby.”

Risuna giggles.

“Close your eyes!” I say.

He giggles then uses his hands to cover his hands.

“You good?” I say to Bassie, brushing her lips and touching her ass.

“I’m good. Wena? Did you finish with your prep?” She asks me.

“Some people came to my office saying they need to sit with you and discuss some stuff. I told them you’d be back tomorrow. We even organised a desk for you”. I say.

“Are you hiring me?” She asks me.

“You are assisting us… HR has been made aware. Oh, and the PA will be reassigned to a more junior manager.”

She laughs.

We finally sit at the dinner table. Bassie serves us our food. This dinner looks really good.

“We got a letter from Risuna’s school. They are saying that Risuna is not honest”, Bassie says.

Risuna looks ready to defend himself.

“Why were they even giving him hotdogs? Does he not take a lunch bag from home?” I ask.

I really am still struggling to understand what happened.

“We do. But we give them monthly tuckshop money for Risuna. So when Risuna wants things from the tuckshop, they just deduct from the money we pay monthly. Risuna wanted a hotdog and juice today… with chips and I don’t know what.”

“Sweets”, Risuna.

“So when you saw your teacher giving you a second hotdog, why didn’t you tell teacher that you had already eaten?” Bassie asks him.

“Because it was extra food. Who says no to extra food?” Risuna neh.

I really want to laugh.

“So what happens now?” I ask.

“They deducted it off Risuna’s tuck money because he has to pay for it. But there has to be punishment.” Bassie.

“But it wasn’t my fault!” Now Risuna is getting a bit upset.

I also see where he’s coming from, if I’m being honest. I don’t understand why we must punish him.

“So for punishment, Risuna has to give up his favourite car toy and give it to one of his cousins that can’t afford. This will teach Risuna that people genuinely need food and all these things that he’s fortunate enough to have. He must learn to be honest about things and tell his teachers when he has already eaten.”

Risuna starts crying. He leaves his chair and climbs on top of me, crying in my arms. Bassie is not moved. This is so unnecessary.

“I hate my teacher! Tomorrow, I’m going to put bugs in her bag!” He says as he cries.

This is getting worse.

“If you do that, I take away all your gadgets!” Bassie shouts.

Now he cries loudly.

I just help him calm down. Mothers are actually cruel.

...

"Ja, Nkuna." Some prison guard says to me, bringing me very kak food. Last I checked, no prison warden was allowed to speak to me. Apparently, I'm so high risk that if you sneeze in my direction, I'll bribe you and you'll accept, then you'll help me escape this place.

Secondly, I dish up my own food. No one just serves me food. It's the rule. As prisoners, we dish up for ourselves. Yes, us isolated people generally dish up first because because we are not supposed to come into contact with the other prisoners, but still... I dish up my own plate AND the food is usually better than this. Way better! Now I'm being given four slices of dry bread and water with sugar.

"Vader! What is this?" I ask the warden serving me.

"Food. People eat it when they are hungry." He aggressively says.

"But... why am I not dishing up for myself today?" I ask him.

"The prison is under lockdown. Your fellow inmates are unable to behave themselves. So, nonke nje... you are being served. And we are not going to join ques for you... forget about it! Even the offenders that work in the kitchen couldn't cook today because of the lockdown. Idla lapho sboshwa."

"How do I know this is not poisoned? This is bullshit, man!" I'm actually losing my temper.

"You don't know. But if you are hungry, you will eat."

"Do you know who my father is?!" Clearly I must now play that card.

He laughs aloud then says, "Yes, we all know who your father is. Why do you think we are allowed to speak to you now?"

"Excuse me?!" Me.

He laughs then calls another male prison warden. He tells that warden that I've just asked him if he knows who my father is. That warden also laughs.

"What's funny?" I ask.

"Your father has been arrested, sboshwa!"

WHAT THE HELL!!!!????!!!!

"He will also be joining you up here, in the male section. We should actually be taking you to the general population, but ke... you are considered quite dangerous and for the safety of the other offenders, we are keeping you isolated. Tomorrow though, we will take you to a less secure isolation place. Here where you are is an absolute silence area. Now, no one is scared of you. You are no longer a threat to the system. You can go back", one of them say.

"I need a lawyer", I say.

"Uthini lo muntu?"

"Lo muntu is saying that she needs a fucken lawyer. Get me a fucken lawyer! I was informed that if I cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided to me by the state. I need a fucken lawyer!"

"Ey wena! You've already pled guilty wena. Icala lakho liphelile wena. Ugwejiwe wena!"

"GET ME A LAWYER! GET ME A FUCKEN LAWYER! RIGHT NOW!" I'm screaming... I have a brief blackout. By the time I come back to my senses, a siren is going off... I'm being dragged by some prison wardens, and one of the cops is lying in a pool of his own blood. I have a toothbrush in my hand and it's covered in blood.

...

I'm waking up in a different cell. I don't remember how I got here. I don't even understand which section this is of the prison. But I'm still in a single cell. My neighbours - also in single cells next to me - are males and females. We never mix with male prisoners. Why am I this close to them?

"Is sleeping beauty finally awake?" I hear a male voice say.

"Looks that way", a female voice says.

These isolation single cells are not even closed with metal doors like where I was. They are burglar bar gates that shut us in. So we can all see each other, we just sleep separately.

"Is jy mal? You killed a prison warden. Are you trying to bring back the death penalty just for you?" Some guy says.

I'm not speaking to any of them. I'm just lying on my bed. I hear the chatter as background noise, but my tears are overwhelming me. I've been in prison for over three months and only now is it sinking in that I could be in here for the rest of my natural life while Keith is playing happy family with that whore. I thought with the elections getting closer, I could be counting the days until I am released. After the elections, my dad is no longer in the spotlight, therefore he can pull strings to get me out of here. Now he's arrested too?! What the hell am I going to do?! This cannot be my life. It cannot.

I face the wall of this cell then cry myself to sleep. There are no windows here. I can't tell if it's day or night. We don't even know if it's hot or cold outside... or if it's raining or what. All we have are these burglar bars, and I suppose seeing each other is the only taste of life that we deserve.

I am being woken up by a prison warden. He's in my cell. I turn around then look up at him.

"You need to go shower", he says. But he's rude shame. He even says, "You stink of the blood that you spilled yesterday."

Mxm!

I get up, put my feet on the ground, stand up then look at him.

"What?!" He asks me. He smells like an ashtray even.

"My toiletries are in my previous cell", I say.

"Well we used them to clean up the blood that you spilled! Buy new ones."

I look at him.

"Don't look at me like that! I'll kill you before you even put your hands on me! You hear?!"

"I'm already in jail. I'm probably already going to do life in prison. I can afford to kill you. You can't afford to kill me. Because then, you'll be in here with me and other people like me... imagine the fun that we would have with you!" I say.

I will not be disrespected by prison wardens. Never! Their highest qualification is a matric! Rha!

This guy giggles.

Then he says, "I know just what to do with an attitude like yours."

He drags me out of my cell.

We walk past the showers.

We are walk down long and dark passages.

We head outside. Oh man! Fresh air. And it's a rainy day. The rain smells so beautiful. Just as I'm about to enjoy the weather and the smell of rain, I'm put at the back of a van.

The van is driven at a fast pace.

Where is this fucker taking me?!

I even notice that we are leaving the prison. Heh banna?!

We drive a bit.

Then we stop at some very dodge house.

Is this even legal?

He heads into the house.

This could actually be my chance to escape. I don't know where I am, but I'm not behind bars. And if I didn't escape. A cop drove me out of the facility himself. Lol! What an idiot! I just need to find a weapon nyana, murder a few people then run!

You can do this, Ria! You can do this!

The door opens... I'm not even cuffed. Lol! This cop must really trust me.

"Enjoy gents. Don't ever say that I never did anything for you. I'll be back to fetch her after two hours. Release your dicks in there. And be careful, she's a deadly one."

What the hell did this warden say?!

"Hello my love!" Some fail pop says to me, pulling me to the house while the warden drives away.

There are so many men here.

"Don't even think about it!" Someone says to me. He can see me trying to figure a way out.

Some men are already getting undressed while others have guns pointed against me.

This cannot be happening!

It cannot!

"Are you stripping for us or what?! Do you know how long our days have been at the mine?!" Some man says.

"Not even days, ek se! Weeks! You are the perfect meal ticket for us."

You know, I just let these men rape me. They are taking turns with every whole that exists on my body and I don't fight them. That's because I have a plan to leave this place and prison. So I'm saving my energy. These men are not even using condoms. At all. I pretend to be passing out. They don't stop. I think it's only after another twenty minutes that they stop. They even say that they are getting food, then will come back for one more round before Lehlohonolo comes to fetch me. Lehlohonolo is the cop that brought me here... the prison warden.

They literally leave me in the room a few minutes... that's all I need. I'm bleeding. I'm in pain. I don't care though. I'm getting out of here!

I open an eye. I'm alone in the room.

I try to get up.

Every part of me is in pain. But I'm going to get out of here. I'll tap into my adrenaline, then sprint and not even feel this pain that I'm in. I feel like crying even, but this is not the time to cry... at all!

I grab some clothes from an open cupboard. If I run in the prison uniform, I'll be easily identified.

I see stacks of money in this cupboard.

I grab what I can then put it in my bra.

I leave this place using this bar-less window in this room. Then I start running towards I don't know what.

I run until I can no longer see the house anymore. I'm deep in the woods! Deep! But I sprint! I keep running. Plus it's raining, so I'm not burning up or anything.

I think I run for a good 10km.

As I take a break, I take off these prison clothes then wear the clothes that I stole. It's a baggy t-shirt. Well, it belongs to one of the men there. It's so long and baggy that I wear it as a dress. The pants don't look like they'll fit me. So, I just leave them there with the prison clothes.

Then, I pick up my run again.

I find myself at a township mall. My face isn't all over the media yet, so no one recognises me. I go to clicks and get some cosmetics with some of this money that I stole. I go to Edgars and get a decent outfit, non-branded sneakers, and a handbag. Then I go via a knock-off wig shop then buy myself one. I now head to the toilet. I quickly clean myself up using the basin. I was in prison. The basin will do. Trust. I then wear these clothes that I bought - jeans and a jersey. I put the other money in the bag. I wear the wig too. It cost R1500 so it's not a bad wig. It will do for now.

I leave the dress in here. And the shoes. I wear sneakers that I bought at Edgars. I look okay.

I'm avoiding eye-contact with every security guard or police officer. They are just going about their days, but I'm so scared that my picture may already be out. I'm consoled that Lehlohonolo is still trying to figure out how he will explain that he's the one who got me out. He's probably still coming up with a plan.

I get to the taxi rank.

"Uyaphi sisi?" A taxi driver asks me.

"Where's this taxi going?" I ask. I don't have a plan. I'm just running away here.

"Durban. It's only short of one person." The driver or Marshall or whatever he is says to me.

I climb in.

Thankfully, the vacant seat is at the back... and it's not a window seat.

"Sisi, you didn't pay. We pay over there", he points at some shack-like place.

"How much?" I ask.

"R650."

I give him R700.

"You must pay there!" He says.

I see a cop.

Yoh!

"Please do it for me. You can keep the R50." I say.

"Yeh?! Hai wena!"

Why is he delaying?! Why?!

I give him an extra R500. He just smiles at me then lets me be.

Can the taxi now please just leave...!!!

The lady next to me has a kid that's passing out.

I offer to hold her toddler for her. I just want to hide. Honestly.

She smiles at me, trusts me and let's me.

The pain comes back to me again. My body is in so much pain; especially my vagina.

I want to cry.

But I'm overcome by relief when this taxi finally takes off.

[seemawrites]

The Last One Dedicated To You

There are many things I wish I could change

About how we ended, how we began, how we did the middle

But I only wish to change them so we wouldn’t have had to reach our inevitable end.

There are times I sit across the table on a date and I wonder

What’s he doing now? Is he also on a date? Has he finally found someone he likes enough to take out?

This sounds like I’m jealous, but I want you to be on that date.

If we can’t be together, why not try with someone else?

And I swear I’m okay with you finding someone else.

I’m just not okay that I can’t hear about it.

The day we agreed to stop talking has been a slow burning fire in my heart.

I had just realized I missed us. I was confused about if I missed you.

I mean it’s been a year and a half, for christ’s sake.

But I knew that I wanted you around always. You were my best friend.

When you told me it hurt you too much to talk, it hurt me that I couldn’t talk to you anymore.

And that’s when I realized the hurricane of selfishness I poured onto you with every phone call.

I wish I could go back and talked to you about it sooner.

Our break up was the saddest song in a symphony of life. Everyone tells me how sad it is.

And it is sad.

I could not stop crying as you held me in your arms one last time. When we shared our last kiss it felt as if I couldn’t breathe. You played our song for the last time as I was packing my last bag and I remember the tears on my lips. I remember that was the first time I had ever seen you cry. I remember holding each other on the couch, kissing and trying our best not to feel it. But you could feel the air was stained in sadness and regret.

Do I feel sad? Am I angry? Am I hurt? Am I confused?

Do I regret leaving you? Do I regret dating you to begin with? Should I have stayed? Should we have moved together somewhere else?

There are days that I wish I had stayed in the UK

There are days I’m happy we ended

There are more days that I’m terrified that we would’ve ended worse if we stayed together longer.

Remember you told me before your grandmother passed, she had a protective shield over you?

And that protection was extended to me?

Maybe we ended when we did to protect us both from even worse heartbreak.

But what’s more heartbreaking than two lovers who could’ve lasted longer than we did?

What’s sadder than two kids who didn’t know what to do with their lives, and had to end their lives together to figure it out?

Is it worse that we decided to part because of that?

Would we have made it if we had tried?

The last (and final) conversation we had, you told me that you couldn’t picture us together in the future because it prevented you from moving on.

I’ve always hung on to that image because I can never let you go.

The dream that our story was written in the stars is what I want to keep forever.

We may no longer be lovers but what you have done for me for all those years is something my heart clings to.

I can never stop talking about you, ever.

You come up with every song, meme, joke, show. It’s always you.

I’m scared you’ll completely forget me and leave me on the shelf along with your childhood toys and favourite books.

I’m scared if we meet again, we would miss our chance to try out a new relationship.

I’m even more scared that we’ll never meet again.

You have become the standard, and no one seems to fit the missing puzzle piece.

2 years isn’t long enough to get over you, what if 4 years isn’t enough?

What if every time I hear your name my heart lights up as it does whenever I think about you?

We’ve always had the same group of friends, but what if when we have a reunion you don’t want to see me?

But that may be my fault, I pushed you too much to keep baring me as the year dragged on.

Sometimes I feel like I’m going insane. I think about you more now that we have stopped talking than before. I think about your laugh, I think about the way you hold me, I think about the way you kiss me (and I’ll always remember how our lips fit, like we were always meant to kiss), I think about the shows we watched together, I think about the shows I’d watch that you pretend to not like but always watch over my shoulder, I think about all the dinners you’ve cooked me, I think about all the birthday gifts I got you, the times at your parents house, the holidays together, the video games you play, the songs you listen to, your t-shirts, your shoes, your hair products, your smell, your smile, your hands, your face

Your everything.

Maybe I love you more than I thought.

I’m sorry we had to end.

I miss you.

[egg-on-the-run]

How about relationship headcanon’s and yes there’s cute stuff but what about realistic shizz? The good, the bad, the ugly. The stubbornness that with time one learns the art of compromise for.

I've only ever been in one relationship and tbh it was very like relaxed??? We never argued much so I hope this isn't super unrealistic.

Leonardo:

Never tells you why he's upset. It's always a guessing game and the worst part is half the time he is not upset with you

He'll have an argument with Raphael and give everyone the silent treatment while he's huffing (and it is huffing) and you spend an hour trying to figure out what you did wrong

Leonardo's confrontational about things that Do Not Matter but avoids conversations about things that are actually important

Like yeah he'll tell you if some silly habit kind of annoys him but it takes a long time for him to confess that PDA makes him a little uneasy

That's another thing: PDA is a minimum with him. Yes he will put his arm around you, yes he will hold your hand. But please no kisses in front of his family he just doesn't vibe with it

He's very nervous about a lot of things, very nervous about going on dates, doing things with you for the first time. You do have to take things slow with him and it takes a while to perfect the art of reassuring him without making him feel patronised

His love language is acts of service and quality time.

Sometimes that quality time is napping because he's prone to overworking himself

Adores it when you take control of things. LOVES being babied and taken care of

Call him something like "sweetheart" and he becomes putty in your hands

His ideal date is he makes dinner, you buy dessert. You both do the dishes together and watch a movie afterwards 💙

Raphael:

Hahaha get ready to rumble.

King of arguments, fool of never being able to apologise

You will bicker about everything to the point where everyone is like 👀👀 but the second anyone else says something? You are both wildly protective of each other

"God you're such a prick" "Yeah screw you Raph" "Casey I swear to god if you ever say anything like that ever again I will kick you so hard in the dick you'll give yourself a blow job" "Raph you're s/o is scaring me" "Casey I'm going to put your head through the wall."

Raph likes to pretend arguments just Did Not Happen. He doesn't expect you to apologise either so at least you can't call him a hypocrite, but he just prefers moving past things. It's over now. Don't bring it up again.

And yes this does cause more conflict sometimes. But you cannot date Raph and not be stubborn. If you put your foot down firmly enough he will give in and do his best to talk about things. He doesn't necessarily like doing it, but you're both stubborn and both very much in love and he's always willing to try

Much more into PDA than Leo. Likes to hold you against him, leans on you, plays with your hair. He just constantly likes to be touching you in some way, even in front of everyone

You can pull the "because you love me" card at any time

"Can you make me some coffee?" "I'm in the middle of playing a game, why would I make you coffee?" "Because you love me."

He doesn't mind it as much as he pretends to

His love language is physical touch and acts of service: lots of cuddles, he holds all your stuff, walks you to and from work

His ideal date is just him trying to teach you how to fight

Lots and lots of gym dates, exploring sewer tunnels and the city together, him letting you win at wrestling ❤️

Donatello:

Leonardo's bad at confrontation sometimes, but Donnie? If you stabbed Donnie he wouldn't complain

Donnie is very insecure in his ability to please. So he works overtime and stresses himself out. If something is bothering him you will never find out because he would rather suffer in silence than even risk upsetting you by bringing it up

His thought process is something along the lines of he interrupts you once so he thinks he just shouldn't speak. He has not connected the dots but he's certainly jumped to conclusions

It takes a very very long time for an argument to actually happen because if you try to talk to Donnie about something he will just Immediately Agree With You, even if he doesn't

But when an argument does happen he says a lot of mean things to get under your skin and you will play the very same cards when things get heated

As time goes on you both get better at having discussions rather than arguments. But when a fight happens you can go days without speaking to each other

Very protective. Likes to know you're safe. Yes it's doting and sweet, but it's also a little annoying having text him "yes I'm still at work darling" every hour

Donnie is also an "actions speak louder than words" kind of guy. No saying sorry, but he makes you a little gift and slides it across the table. No words exchanged, but you know he's sorry for what he did

Mixed feelings about PDA. Sometimes he's more than happy to let you sit on his lap, other times if you try to hold his hand he flinches

Baby is a little touch starved. He gets overwhelmed very easily and shuts you out. Some days are better than others but again, he just doesn't tell you

His love language is gift giving and loves making you little trinkets and toys to put on your desk. But he adores receiving words of affirmation

His ideal date is both of you info dumping in your room while eating pizza. It's so simple, it's so easy. Usually whenever he starts to ramble he forgets a lot of his insecurities with touch and will let you hold him 💜

Michelangelo:

King of communication. He just does not like to argue, fighting upsets him and when you're angry with him he gets a little afraid

Even if you are very frustrated he takes you by the hand and sits you down. He has it down to a routine, there's no problem you can't solve together

It takes a good while for you to break down his walls. He puts up a very fun loving, easy going front to please everyone and even when you start dating it's difficult for him to be completely open

But when he shows you his deep emotions once he's very comfortable showing them to you again and again

Needs lots of reassurance, not with regards to relationships but with regards to himself. His brothers still treat him like the baby of the family, still make him feel stupid. You treat him like he's capable of whatever and he just bursts into tears because you have complete faith in him

You do, however, understand that his brothers treat him like the baby because sometimes he acts like it

He can be a little too high energy and sometimes you just need space and he doesn't understand that it's not his fault, you're just tired.

You have a code for when he's being too affectionate. He loves PDA to the full but it is overwhelming: a squeeze on his knee tells him to calm down a little

He's such a people pleaser that you have to make most of the decisions with everything. Where you want to eat, what you want to do, it would be nice if he took control a little more.

His love language is yes and. Jk jk he praises you 24/7, pet names, compliments, worships you. Loves physical touch as well obviously

His ideal date is something arty. He takes you to find a blank wall in the tunnels and you both just spray paint 🧡

[poetofthedyingstars]

“playing pretend”

charlie dalton x gn!reader

warning: swearing, fluff, i didn't proofread because i don't want to hate it so. u know.

note: happy bday bestie, @fandomfiish !! try to enjoy this cringey rush written romance cliche!! have the best day! all the love x

taglist: @emilythefern @theluminoussunflower @mrperryhatepage @love--persevering @marsbernn @justarandompjofan @mrdeadpoet @nee-naw-nee-naw-beepbeep @bobhunds  @quartzf0rest

your phone won’t stop ringing - this is like, what? the seventh time charlie called you today? your phone has been non stop vibrating since you woke up this morning and you chose to ignore it. if you can ignore seven missed calls, what’s ten more right? that’s what you thought ten seconds ago but it’s starting to get on your nerves. it’s too much and you can’t focus on your work anymore so when your phone rang for the eighth time, you angrily picked up the phone and answered him.

“y/n-”

you didn’t even let charlie finish what he was saying. “no. i still don’t want to.”

“oh, come on! it’s just for ONE day!”

the truth is, charlie was bothering you because he wanted you to play the role of his ‘lover’ for a school reunion party. and you kept telling him no. why would you, anyways. it’s just a bit annoying. playing pretend with charlie wasn’t really a new thing between the two of you. heck, you’ve been playing pretend with him as ‘just a friend’ for years now. and when you finally decided to move on from that phase of your life, he asked you to be his fake date. talk about bad timing, am i right? somewhere in this universe, the cupid is laughing at you and you just want to punch that baby-faced stupid archer for playing with your fate.

“well, i’m busy that day! i have tons of work to do and you’ve been nothing but a nuisance to me!” says you.

“please? just please please please go with me?”

“why can’t you ask anyone else? you’re a social butterfly, aren’t ya? go ask one of your other friends, instead.”

“but i only want to go with you.”

there he is again, making your heart skip a beat and adding butterflies in your stomach that pretty much have been looking like a butterfly sanctuary ever since you acquired this feeling for him. he flutters your system, deranges them in a way no one else could. this is annoying. the worst part is he doesn’t even know what he’s doing to you. fuck it.

just this one, you said. this is the last. after this fake date thing, you’re definitely going to move on. charlie did say it’s just a one time thing. you sighed.

“fine.”

“fine…?” you can feel charlie smiling through the phone.

“fine. i’ll go. but you owe me one, ok?”

“don’t worry, y/n. we’re going to have the best time of our lives.”

“yeah.” you hope so.

-

ugh. you have been smiling at everyone since you arrived with charlie and it is wearing you off. smile here, smile there. “hi, i’m charlie’s date.” here and there. you’ve heard a lot of embarrassing stories of charlie being a reckless dumbass tonight, nothing you haven’t heard before. you wouldn’t say you didn’t enjoy it but your social battery sure is running low. your shoes are killing you from standing too much, your face muscles hurts everytime you force a smile or a chuckle. you wanted to go home but charlie is nowhere to be found.

where is he? you impatiently tap your feet on the floor, pouring yourself another glass of wine. you weren’t really paying attention to your surroundings because you’re focused on your phone, texting charlie multiple messages all at once. you didn’t notice someone approaching the table you were at and when you looked up from your phone, you were surprised to find someone familiar there.

“dani?” you asked, still unsure if you’re seeing them right. they smiled at you.

“y/n! it’s been a long time, never thought i’d see you here!”

“the feeling is mutual. how have you been, huh?”

they chuckled. dani was an old friend - you actually had a crush on them long before charlie. this is becoming such a weird night. you conversed with dani, forgetting charlie for a bit. you catched up with each other and stuff.

“are you here with someone? cause, if you’re not… i know a really good cafe nearby.”

“oh, actually.. i, uh-” you hesitated for a moment. should you tell dani about charlie or…? you did say you’re going to move on from charlie. this might be the chance for that. but then again. all of a sudden, someone grabbed your waist from behind your back. you smelled the strong scent first and then you heard his voice speaking so close to you. you looked beside you and there he is, charlie.

“hey. who’s this?” he asked in a low voice. there’s something about charlie’s demeanor right now that you can’t quite place. is he…? no. you’re probably seeing things because of the wine. yeah. just the wine.

“dani. charlie, right?”

charlie nodded. he didn’t spare another glance to dani, instead he looked at you. determined to ignore the third party with hopes of driving them away. you frowned at him.

“actually, we need to go now.” charlie said and started to pull you away from the table. before you can protest, he tugged your hand.

“call me!” was all you heard from dani as you and charlie swam against the crowd towards the exit.

“what’s your problem?” you shouted, trying to get out of his grasp. he just walked, still holding your wrist.

“charlie.” no answer.

“charlie!”still no response.

you stopped walking. “CHARLIE.”

he stopped.

“what the heck’s your problem?”

he faced you. “you. you’re my problem.”

you frowned. “what? are you fucking kidding me? this - what? you do know you’re the one who force me to come here with you and now you’re the one who’s fucking pissed off? fuck you, charlie. honestly, what the fuck.”

“that’s not the issue!”

“what? tell me!”

“are you dense? i’ve been hinting at you all night! I LIKE YOU.”

that shut you up.

“what?”

“damn it, y/n.. i’ve been hinting that i like you for years now. i don’t even know whose more dumb between the two of us.”

you weren’t sure if you were dreaming or not but you wish it was real. is this real? you’re speechless.

“say something. don’t leave me in the dark.”

“you’re so stupid. if you just told me about this directly.”

silence.

“i like you too, you know?” you avoided his gaze. this is so embarrassing. “i thought i was the only one. so i didn’t say anything but i swear. if you just told me, we’re probably married right now.”

“is it too late for us?”

you looked at him. “maybe… not? i know a really good cafe nearby… if you want to-”

charlie grinned. “are we dating?”

you wanted to melt on the spot. this is so awkward. “i guess.”

charlie took your hand.

“buckle up. we’re going to have the best night of our life.”

[bakuhoes-dumbass]

ABERRATION BOYS BIRTHDAY SPECIAL!

A/N: Hello my nerds, today is my Birthday! So to celebrate my unfortunate birth, I'm doing a special scenario post for my Ab!Boys!

~~

What do the boys from Aberration get you for your birthday?! (GN!Reader!)

These are NOT cannon to the storline.

Warnings: VERY DARK CONTENT. Yandere Headcannons ahead. Mentions of skinning, non-con cum-eating and video recording, stalking, murder, mutilation, manipulation, etc. If you are uncomfortable with these types of things, DO NOT READ. Proceed with caution, as I do not feel bad if you choose to do so while being warned.

MINORS DNI

~~~

Tokoyami

You're seated on the bed, staring at your simple but beautiful ankle bracelet Tokoyami bought for you. Smiling, you fiddle with the gems, entranced by the sparkle that reflects off them.

"Starlight?"

Your head snaps up to see your boyfriend sticking his head through the door way. A love-sick smile grows on your face. "Fumi, you're back!"

He chuckles before slipping through the door way and sits down on the bed, hands behind his back. "Do you remember what today is?" Your face scrunches up in thought before shaking your head. He sighs warmly at the cute look on your face. "Today's your birthday, my starlight. And I got you something."

Tokoyami moves his hands from behing him and your eyes light up upon seeing the book he hands you. "Fumi, thank you! It's beautiful." Your hand traces over the cover, following the lines of the ornate designs. "It looks so familiar..." you mumble.

Tokoyami swallows the lump in his throat. "It's one of a kind, love. Would you like me to read it to you?" He tries to steer the conversation away from your feeling of familiarity, not wantinf you to realize it's one of your old books from before he took you.

You nod excitedly and climb into his lap. His arms circle around you and hold you tight, as his thumb grazes over your anklet, eyes boring into the gems that track your every movement.

Kirishima-

"Happy Birthday to my Pebble~ Happy Birthday to my Pebble~"

You glare at the redhead smiling and dancing in front of you as you tug at your restraints. A low huff leaves your lips. "Can you stop? I don't want you celebrating my birthday."

Kirishima stops dancing and gives you a puppy-dog stare. "But why? It's the day my beautiful wife was born! It should be a day to rejoice!"

"Kirishima, I'm not your wife! I'm nor your girlfriend! I'm not anything to you!" You sit up in the bed you were restrained to, only able to move so far forward. "You drugged me, kidnapped me and are currently holding me against my will."

Kirishima watches with a mixture of sadness and anger at your defiant attitude. He hates it when you struggle. He doesn't understand why you're so reluctant to be here! With him! Your husband! That's when he remembers your gift.

"Oh! This is a perfect time to give you your birthday present!"

He drops to his knees and crawls under the bed. You hear rummeging underneath you and your terror spikes. You knew what he kept under the bed, so this couldn't be good. As he comes back up, he's holding a pair of black leather cuffs.

"Surprise! I got you new cuffs!" He climbes onto the bed and straddles you. "These are so cool because instead of being just normal cuffs, they have these two little metal rivets that will shock you whenever I want!"

Your eyes widen and your mouth opens to scream. Kirishima is quick, however. He grabs your face with his hand, hardening it so your scream is muffled. His face geta closer to yours, that sickening grin never leaving.

"Baby, you don't like it? Do you want something else? Don't worry! I have another gift in mind. How about a fresh, bloodied heart that was ripped out of the chest of that mean boss of yours?"

Hawks

"You see this right here?" Your cowroker holds her hand out, showing you and your fellow employees her brand new diamond ring. "He finally proposed! It was about time. It took him awhile to get an ACTUAL ring worthy of me, though. But it's so expensive and beautiful, EEP!"

Keigo watches as you roll your eyes for the thousandth time. He could tell you were getting annoyed, and I mean, who wouldn't? Your coworker has always been a complete bitch to everyone, a lot directed at you.

"Oof, it just sucks that Y/N can't seem to find someone. That's probably the only way they'll be able to look a little less," she looks you up and down. "Er, homeless."

Keigo watches from his perch as you flip her off snd walk away. His hands clench tightly into fists, desperately wanting to knock a bitch out. That's when it hit him. It was your birthday today! And now he knew just what he wanted to gift you.

~~~

"Bye guys, and thank you!"

You wave to your friends after they drop you off at home. They had taken you out for dinner for your birthday and you bad fun. Definitely something you needed after the crappy morning you had.

As you walk up to your door, you notice a small package waiting for you outside. You smile, wondering of it was your long distance partner sending you a birthday gift. You carefully open the package, but once you see the contents, a scream is ripped out of your throat and you stumble away from the box.

Inside, what a severed finger with an absolutely beautiful diamond ring still on it. You failed to notice a small blood-covered note flitter to the floor.

'Happy Birthday, babybird. I hope you like it.'

Tamaki

Tamaki stares at you from behind a tree. He's been following you for a few hours now, just basking in all your wonderful glory. He stares at you with nothing but pure love and adoration in his eyes, wishing he could actually get up the nerve to speak to you.

Finally you're off of work and headed home. He really hates seeing you talk to all those really pretty people. What if you were to get a partner?! That wasn't him?! He whimpers at the thought, hands clenching and unclenching.

"Y/N!"

The sound of your name snaps him out of his thoughts. He watches as your friend, whom he deemed not-a-threat yet, skip up to you.

"Are you doing anything for your birthday tomorrow?"

Tamaki's face turns pale. Your birthday! How could he forget the most important day of his life?! The day his precious bunny was born. You would be so disappointed in him. He reluctantly scrambles away from his hiding spot and runs home to get your gift.

~~~

"Oh?"

You stand in your doorway, a package sitting on your front steps. You tilt your head in curiosity and pick it up. Opening it up, you find the most adorable stuffed bunny you've ever seen. And a note.

"Y/N, Happy Birthday! I hope you like this bunny, I thought if you when I saw it. Love, your secret admirer."

You squeal slightly and hug the soft fluff, thinking this was from your flirty coworker. You bring it up to your room and sit it on your bed next to your other stuffies.

Tamaki stares at the screen on his phone, his face bright red at the hug you gave the stuffed bunny. It actually felt like you were hugging him! His happiness was through the roof. He knew you would love it!

But his attention now is back on you as he watches you slowly take your clothes off, one by one, to get ready for bed. His tongue practically falls out of his mouth, watching your bare back closely.

One day, he swears he won't have to watch through the camera.

Overhaul

Chronos watches you closely over the top of his book. You glare at him with tears in your eyes while huddled up in the furthest corner of your human sized cage. Hugging your knees tighter to your chest, you turn your gaze away with a sniffle.

"You know the boss wouldn't want you to cry on your birthday."

You roll your eyes and grip you legs tighter. "I doubt someone who keeps a human in a cage really cares about when they want to cry." You sigh. "Besides, he probably doesn't even give a shit if it's my birthday. I don't even give a shit, at this point."

"Of course I care."

The hair on your body stands up on end as the voice of your captor appears. Fear shoots through you upon seeing his masked face. In one hand he has a gift bag, the other stuffed in his pocket.

"Why wouldn't I care about my pet's birthday?"

He squats to unlock the cage and gestures you over with his finger. You swallow the lump in your throat and crawl out to him, knowing the consequences if you don't follow his rules. He sits down in his chair and pats the side of his thigh for you to kneel next to him.

He opens the gift bag and pulls out a dog collar. A part of you wanted to gag at the thought of being collard to this maniac. But another part of you couldn't help but think how absolutely gorgeous and expensive this collar looked.

"Oh, it's beautiful... Master." You wanted to slap yourself for calling him that, but you had no choice. The last thing you want is to be punished.

Kai hums with approval at your words before buckling the collar around your neck. He finsihes it off with a small padlock to the back, so no one can remove it except for him. A gloves finger grazes over your neck in admiration before looking over to Chronos.

"Prep them for a routone cleaning."

The calmed state you were in was once more replaced by terror. "No, please Master! I've been good, I promise! Please dont do this!" You scramble backwards, away from the two masked men. But Kai was quick and hooked his fingers under your collar, dragging yoi back to him.

"You know this is a must, pet. I need to make sure every inch of you is cleansed before I send any more time with you." He taps the side of your collar with his free hand. "And there is no use attempting to run away. This will forever track any movement you make from here on out."

Kai throws your body over to Chronos, who throws your struggling self over his shoulder.

"Oh, and Happy Birthday, my pet."

Shoto

"Darling~"

You stir in your bed, hearing your boyfriend's voice.

"Darling, wake up~"

Eyes open to see a blurry red and white haired man softly smiling down at you. You stretch your body out and yawn with a cute smile.

"Mmmm Sho, good morning~"

Shoto sighs softly, admiring your beautiful features. "Guess what day it is today. It's a very special day."

You tolt your head, trying to remember the exact date but you are the sure. It's been while since time actually mattered.

"It's your birthday, darling! Happy Birthday! I've got something fun planned for you~"

You sit up, your chains rattling against the bed frame. "You do? I'm so excited! What is it?"

Shoto holds up his black card. "We're going shopping. I'll be getting whatever your heart desires."

Your eyes widen. "Wait, does that mean I actually get to go out? Really?!"

Shoto's smile falters before returning to a softened look. Slight guilt flashes in his eyes. "Darling, you know I can't let you go outside. It's not safe. No, we're doing online shopping~" Shoto grabs his phone and crawls behind you, sitting you in his lap. "Here lets look through some sights and get you some cute stuff."

"I want my darling to have everything they want, so they don't want to leave~"

Dabi

"Mouse."

You stay huddled up in the corner of the room, knees to your chest, not even daring to look at him. Dabi frowns at your defiant behavior. He knows he took you without your permission, but that was so long ago. Shouldn't you have been broken in by now?

"Little Mouse."

You continue to rock back and fourth on the floor, chains clanking together. Dabi sighs, annoyance starting to eat at him. He walks over to you and grabs yoi by the throat, lifting you up.

"You are to respond when I'm speaking to you. Understand?" You let out a little squeak and quickly nod your head with widened eyes. He sits you down on the bed and gives you a lazy smile. "That's better. Now, I have something for you."

He opens the closet door to bring out a box. He places it in front of you. "Happy Birthday, my little mouse."

"Oh, yeah. That's today." You mumble quietly. Kmowing Dabi, this gift was going to have some sort of catch but curiosity got the better of you. But curiosity turned into regret immediately as you throw the lid and scream.

Inside the box were a pair of boots. But they weren't jusf any pair of boots, they were handmade. It was human skin staples together, making them look just like Dabi himself.

"What, does my little mouse not like them?" He smirks before climbing on the bed. He grabs your legs and pulls you down towards him with a manic look on his face.

"That's fine. How about I burn my name into you instead?"

Bakugo

"KATSUKI!"

You jolt up in bed, suddenly awakened by a nightmare. Looking next to you, you see your boyfriend's side of the bed empty. A whimper escapes your lips as yoi trt to calm your racing heart.

"Angel?!" The door to the bedroom slams open, Bakugo's quirk popping in his hands and waiting to attack whomever touched his precious angel. He looks around frantically but notices nothing except your heavy breathing and sweat covered body. "Are you alright? What happened?"

You motion towards him with a sniffle and grabby hands. "I had a dream that you locked me back up in the basement again for days, without you." He comes sits next to you on the bed and pushes the hair out of your sweat covered face. "It was dark and silent and terrifying. Please don't do that again! I would miss you! I've been good, I promise!"

Bakugo sighs and pulls you into a hug. "I know, Angel. You've been doing so well, I'm so proud of you." He plants a kiss on your head as you relax into his arms. "I have a surprise for you actually. Stay right here."

You nod your head, watching him leave the room for a moment, your ankle tugging on the chain that attached you to the bed. I mean, it's not like you would get very far. Bakugo comes back in with a plate of cake and a candle.

"Happy Birthday, my beautiful angel."

Your eyes light up as he sets the piece of cake in front of you. You blow out the candle and take a bite, savoring the taste. "Kats, this is so good! The cake is so fluffy and the frosting is creamy and sweet. Thank you!"

Bakugo watches you with a lovesick grin on his face. He goes to adjust the tightness in his pants as he watches you devour his specially made cake without hesitation.

Denki

"Yeah, it's been super weird. I've been finding these little pieces of jewelry on my bed almost every night the past week."

You continue cleaning the counter as you explain to your cowroker the weird things that have been happening to you. She gives you a strange look.

"Are you sure you haven't misplaced your jewelry on your bed and just forgot?"

You turn your head to give her a dumbfounded look. "Uh, yeah. I think I would remember putting jewelry I've nevee seen before on my bed at the same time every night."

"Well, I don't know! It's just so weird. I don't have any other rational explanation." She suddenly gasps. "What if you have a stalker?!"

"Shh, don't say things like that." You hiss at her but a part of you is wondering if that might be true.

After your shift ends, you wave goodbye and begin your journey home. Unbeknownst to you, an energetic blonde watches as you walk home, excited for you to see your final birthday gift.

Once you step through the door of your house, something feels off. Having a weird feeling, you immediately but slowly make your way to your bedroom and turn on the lights. That's when you see a small but long white box placed on your bed, this time with a note. You carefully open the box to reveal a gorgeous necklace with a small black and yellow lightning bolt charm. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you reluctantly open up the note, hoping to finally uncover some answers.

"Happy Birthday, my dear. You can call me Kaminari. And soon, you will be all mine."

Midoriya

*Click*

You turn around upon hearing the closing of a camera shutter but see nothing. Thinking it's all in your head, you shrug and continue to walk to your parents for your birthday dinner.

"Shit, that was too close." Midoriya mumbles under his breath as he hides in a set of bushes just beyond your vision. He scrolls through his camera roll, looking through every single shot to make sure he's got what he needs.

"These aee perfect! Oh they're going to love it!" He checks to make sure you're long gone before he scrambles out of his hiding spot and runs home to make your gift.

~~~

You unlock the door to your house and step inside with a sigh. As much as you love your birthday and seeing your family, sometimes they can be a little much. Now it's time for you to sit back and relax. You change into your pajamas and turn on your comfort movie with a drink in hand, when suddenly your doorbell rings.

"Who the hell is here at 10 at night?"

You carefully peek through the peep hole in your door, not seeing anyone. Slowly, you open the door and look down to see a neatly wrapped gift. You know you probably shouldn't take a strange gift off of your doorstep, but curiosity gets the better of you.

Taking it back to your livingroom, you open it to reveal a scrapbook. Anxiety raises through your body as you open the first page. Eyes widen in horror the further you flip through, non-consentual pictures taken of you and your family litter the pages. Not only are there ones from being out in public, but private, intimate moments that no one should have seen. But the moment you found a lock of your hair glued to one of the pages was the moment you called the police.

Shinso

Shinso squats infront of you as you stare at him with dead eyes.

"Kitten, I have a surprise for you today."

You shake your head, mumbling. "I don't want it."

Shinso caresses your cheek with his hand before giving it a quick slap. You try ti3 jerk your head away but he grips your cheeks, squishing them together. "Stop being a brat, you don't even know what it is yet. Now, stand up."

You don't even get a chance to stand up yourself as Shinso hauls you up by your face. "I'm taking you out for your birthday."

Your eyea widen in fear and you shake your head. "N-No, please. I'd rather stay here. L-Let's do something together here. Please."

Shinso clicks his tongue. "Come now, kitten. I'm letting you go outside. We don't do this very often, it's a special treat. Is it not?"

You shake your head. "Please, no, everytime you take me out you-"

You go silent, mind fogged over and once again, under his control. There are moments when he mind-controls you to where you don't remember anything the morning after and those moments are awful. But when he feels like being extra cruel? He finally takes you outside, taking you out to eat, to see a movie, to go shopping. You're under his control the entire time but you remember everything. You are right there, fully aware of whats happening around you but can't do anything to ask for help, to save yourself. And it's terrifying

A tear rolls down your cheek as you follow him out the front door, his hand in yours. He smirks, knowing you could never leave him.

"Happy Birthday, Kitten."