#i swear im trying to draw other stuff i just keep circling back to them hgfjdkgdhkj

[corpsoir]

a few silly bruabba doodles

[patchdotexe]

HEEEEYY OKAY SO (YOU TOTALLY DONT HAVE TO ANSWER THIS) BUT. If there was a hypothetical reconciliation between Swears & Friend, how do you think it would go?

(No I am NOT brainrotting over ur little shapes again) (and no I am NOT trying to find new, potential drawing material with them)

HWHUGHWUGHGGHUGH . ok i definitely had stuff planned out for this at one point but my brain is swiss cheese so im gonna fuck it we ball

friend at one point kinda stumbled into the mindset of "if i want to be a hero i need to be like swears" bc trying to be Themself uhhhh. got them fuckin Blasted in annihilate. among other things. except trying to copy swears / fill in for them when they got shattered did Basically Nothing bc sovereign just kinda Ignored Them and they feel like they made things worse instead

(what friend is good at is. being literally friend-shaped. theyre just a little guy and they try to connect with people and are more emotional rather than physical. this is something i didnt get to explore much but that i would love to riff on more if i ever redid ja&b)

so yknow. eventually in a story arc we didnt do, friend manages to save the day through the power of love ([swears voice] and this really big triangle i found) but still feels like they arent doing anything Right. and it takes swears, who is more action than thought, a bit to finally catch on to What The Issue Is bc even though stuff should be fine now For Some Reason It Isn't

swears is really, really bad at any sort of emotional conversation. their go-to is snarky jabs and irreverent quips and distancing themself from Feelings as much as possible. this is why the duet Get Along Shirt situation was such a nightmare for them bc they kinda Couldnt, or at least not for long. so it would be awkward, and clumsy, but they eventually fumble their way into telling friend that theyre proud of them and never thought any less of them, even with all of the blunders along the way. because friend's got their back! so theyll have friend's in return. and its literally been that way Since They Were Made. theyre a package deal do not separate etc etc.

CIRCLE: ...you mean it? SQUARE: 'Course I do. Why wouldn't I? It's been you and me since forever, and there's no way I would've gotten this far without you. CIRCLE: But I thought... I... I keep getting in the way. SQUARE: Dude, I get in the way of myself, you're not special. --Uh, I mean. SQUARE: Look, even if you mess up sometimes, we always pull it back in the end. (And I think we've established nothing can kill me in a way that matters?) CIRCLE: Only because you fix what I mess up. SQUARE: And you make it so I can be here to fix. Someone's gotta remind me what I'm doing all this for.

IM. VERY RUSTY AT WRITING THEM BUT YOU GET THE POINT I THINK

[leviiattacks]

hi bestie!! pls pretty pls do a levi one where he takes care of a sick y/n im feeling a bit under the weather and im getting kinda scared bc of covid :<< anything to help calm my nerves pls? thank you <3

author note :: get well soon anon :-( i’m super sick rn too (when am i not tho </3) so i get how it is. this isn’t that great because i wrote it pretty quick but i hope it eases youuu :-) this is just pure fluff and sappy stuff and yup yup MODERN LEVI BC... listen i have a soft spot for modern levi word count :: some how i got to 1.4k ????? idk how i always go over the expected word count i have in my head 

it’s literally been YEARS since the last time you were sick

if you really dig through the depths of your memory you’d say maybe you were last sick when you were seven???

it’s that or your memory is just not great

either way, you really do not want to bother anyone with your sickness so you decide to hole up in your room for the entire day

you don’t even tell levi about it because you know he’ll drop everything for the sake of your comfort

the only problem is that midway through the day you’ve become so bedridden you can’t even begin to fathom attending classes tomorrow

you guess you’ll be taking another day off

as that thought crosses your mind your bedroom door bursts open

“i...” levi lets out a long sigh and you look at him dazed from your pounding headache

you’re surrounded by scrunched up tissues and your cold meds have been left untouched

“i’m gonna get you sick too. back away.” you’re frowning and signalling with your hands that you want him out

your nose is stuffy and you’re sniffling but levi just rolls his eyes before he sits next to you on the floor

buried in your duvet you look a little like a burrito and he laughs at that

“do you know where the thermometer is? i’ll check on your fever.”

he’s looking at you waiting for an answer

you think for a second and then you try to rummage through the timeline of today’s events.

to be fair you’re a little disoriented but for some unknown reason you feel yourself get a little teary eyed

maybe it’s a mix of your upcoming deadlines looming over you or perhaps it’s missing a really important class today

but it’s so sudden you don’t even know why your body is making you act so irrationally but that’s what fevers do

“i think i” you sniff and then the waterworks flood out of you. your brain can’t adjust to the severity of your headache and your urge to sleep is higher than ever

honestly you don’t cry very much so to see the tears worries levi almost immediately

“im sorry i misplaced it.” you croak out, your voice is all scaly and weird, you hate it

stupidly you get upset about that too

don’t people sound hot when they’re sick?? why do you sound like an angry bear...?

this is not fair.

“and i’m stressed.” you blow your nose but it continues to drip despite your constant attempts to stop it

nose bright red and hair disheveled levi’s eyes soften when he sees your workbook laying at the foot of your bed

notes are scribbles in random corners and your mind map is a chaotic mess but you’re trying your best given the circumstances

god, even when you’re sick you’re working hard. you’re ridiculous but in the most endearing way known to man

“alright, lay down.” he runs a hand through your hair to fix the birds nest before he adjusts your pillows and places your head down gently

“i’m sorry i’ve lost the-”

levi’s index finger presses against your lips and he shushes you

“get some rest, please.”

you comply but not before giving him a playful glare

his warm palms move to hold your face. cheeks squished together he swipes your tears away

“i’ve got some soup on the stove you’ll be good in no time.” his soft reassurance is comforting and protective

nodding you flutter your eyes shut.

you’re unable to sleep but levi’s presence is enough to ease you even if it’s just a little you do feel better

fifteen minutes pass and levi returns he’s got you a hot cup of tea and the soup is nowhere to be seen

“i had an accident in the kitchen... so have some tea instead.”

you simply laugh it off, he’s trying his best and you’re alright with not having to be fed tomato soup

tomato soup..... it’s sick and twisted it tastes so bad

you recall having to force yourself to down an entire bowl last christmas after catching a cold

never ever again will you do that

anyways, pea soup superiority it’s the only valid type !!!

levi likes tomato soup though that’s the only reason it sits in bulk in one of the kitchen cabinets

he brushes the mountain of tissues on your bedside table away, he’ll dispose of them later

placing the cup of tea where the aforementioned tissues once were you then realize he’s brought you a slice of madeira cake to have alongside it

at this your eyes brighten you love madeira cake it’s so soft and buttery and simple but it’s just REALLY GOOD???

anyway, you definitely recommend everyone to have some it’s a solid 10/10

“picked some up on my way here.”

your heart swells affectionately

no one will ever love you as hard as he does

to be honest, the little things he does keep you grounded and you don’t really know where you’d be without him

he always pays attention to the things you love, always carries you from the couch to your bed, always tucks you in, always lingers a little just to make sure you’re sound asleep

you know about that last bit because on occasion you have stirred awake on accident

every single time he strokes your hair and holds you close ushering you back to sleep

again, you don’t know if it’s your fever making you emotional or the warm feeling of being loved so HARD?? it’s like whack a mole the only difference is being repeatedly hit by bursts of affection

not really a great analogy but your brain is fried right now and it’s the best you’ve got

levi sits next to you making the mattress shift and you then plop your head against his chest

“drink up.”

he hands you the cup of tea but you nuzzle your face into his neck instead forcing him to place it back down

“what are you doing?” he asks.

one of his hands draws circles onto your back soothing you and the other hand is fiddling around with the packaging of your cold meds, he looks to be reading the description just to make sure you can take them

the feeling of his t-shirt under your cheek fades away and you find yourself staring up at him

“get here.” he softly murmurs

rather than pressing a hand against your forehead he swoops down

at first his hands feel your face and neck

“you’re burning up.” he frowns and then he does it

he presses his forehead against yours and you swear you could stop breathing and pass out right then and there

“the fever’s getting worse, why didn’t you call me earlier i had to find out you were sick from-”

“i love you.”

he freezes.

“of course you love me but that’s not what we’re talking about right now.” he snorts and looks you right in the eye.

suddenly you’re kinda just a teeny-weeny bit self-conscious about your dark under eyes but you push that thought to the back of your mind

“no i mean. i really fucking love you levi.” the expletive only makes you sound more serious especially since you always scold him when he uses vulgar language

it looks as if his mouth moves to say it back but you stop him

“you don’t have to say it again. i’m saying it because you said it first.” you explain through your drowsy state

“when did i say it first?”

the fever must be really getting to you is what he’s thinking

“your actions spoke for you.”

he ever so slightly jabs you with his elbow before he carefully places your head back down onto his chest

“you’re so sappy.” he pecks your cheek and you hum silently still unable to breathe out of one of your nostrils

“i know but you’re sappier.”

levi doesn’t respond because he knows you’re correct

:-)

[fanfic-cave]

The Reveal Pt. 2

Rating: SFW/PG-13

Word Count: 1.6k (nearly 1.7k)

Pairing: Hunter x Fem Jedi!OC

Warnings: Swearing (im too lazy to write the star wars swear words so its our kind of swears), trauma/fear situation, lightsaber/jedi things, mushy hug/romance, its supposed to be kinda intense and dramatic

Summary: You’ve exposed yourself as a Jedi to the Bad Batch, and not intentionally. Now its out in the open, and this ex-jedi needs to escape before things get messy. Will these rogue clones attack? Will you have to defend yourself? How will this end without someones blood getting spilled?

Authors note: Check out part 1 linked below, theres links to a few other fics i'd reccomend reading as well along this these! Theres like a tiniest bit of fluff here. I have a few other fluff/short things I want to post soon, and I have some ideas for giving the other TBB memebers some love since all I've been posting is Hunter stuff lately

Please enjoy!

Part 1 here

“Isn’t it obvious? Sera is a Jedi.”

RIP

Tech's words flipped the switch and you took action. You used the force and ripped your lightsaber out of your bag, ignited it, and took a defensive stance.

“Stay back boys” You wish your voice wasn’t shaking. The green glow of your lightsaber reflected on their surprised faces.

“Omega, stay inside.” You heard Hunter's voice, and saw him push her in, her eyes wide when seeing your weapon ignited. Wrecker took a step back, a look of shock on his face. Tech raised his hands. Crosshair eyed you suspiciously, he stood just behind Tech. You couldn’t see Echo.

“Hmm. Looks like I was right.” Tech said nonchalantly, like he had just proved a scientific theory. Well, I guess he did, in a manner of speaking.

You held your lightsaber with two hands, squeezing tight and ready to use it at a moment's notice. You started taking a step back. “Nobody moves. I walk away, and nobody gets hurt-” you sensed something in the force, and heard a minuscule movement, a blaster. You pointed your saber to Echo, who had just appeared at the top exit ramp “Drop it!”

“Easy Sera,” Echo spoke. “We’re all removing our weapons.” He looked at the rest of the boys and nodded. “See?” You watched Echo lift his blaster pistol, careful not to touch the trigger, and throw it. Crosshair dropped his rifle. Wrecker raised his hands up. “You’re a Jedi?” Wreckers face looked shocked and confused.

You tried to ignore the emotions you were feeling. You didn’t want to leave, you had happy times with them. But you were too afraid to take the risk of staying and finding out if you would survive. “I don’t want to hurt any of you” You took another step back. “Just let me go and I won’t…”

“We won’t hurt you Sera.” It was Hunter's voice this time. He stepped forward out of the Havoc, and walked past the boys. His knife and blaster were gone, left on the ship maybe. He held his hands out in front of him, slightly raised. He had a slight crouch as he came towards you, like he was approaching a wounded animal. His expression was hard to read still, but he had a slight frown on his face. You looked into his eyes and couldn’t look away. He held your gaze intensely, like he was trying to send a message to you through his eyes.

“Please,” you said, desperation in your voice. You tried to move your feet. You couldn’t, you were frozen by his look, held by him. You felt the same electric current drawing you to him, keeping you from leaving.

“We don’t have inhibitor chips, not that they worked too well anyways.” He lifted his headband and shifted his hair, pointing to a small scar. The rest of the boys did so similarly, showing they all had an identical scar on the right side of their skull.

You looked at them confused. Inhibitor chips? All you knew was that the clones executed the Jedi. Every Jedi. You didn’t know how, or even why, other than the Empire saying the Jedi committed treason.

Hunter had been taking small steps forward the whole time. Your eyes stayed locked onto his. Then, you felt something you hadn't in a long time, something you shut out.

You recognized the feeling of the force, it moved through you, awakening your force sensitivity. Maybe you reignited a severed connection by touching your saber again, maybe the strong emotions in you and everyone else caused the resurgence. Whatever the reason, you felt it move through you, connecting you to your surroundings.

After the battles on Umbara, with a lot of effort, you closed yourself off from the force. You realized now that it was never truly gone, and you had still been seeing your surroundings with your instinctual force sensitivity.

You hesitated and broke eye contact from Hunter, shocked at what was happening. You took a breath, and closed your eyes. You concentrated on the force, focusing on the feelings you felt now. Fear, love, sadness, anxiety, all of it. You quieted them, and then reached out. You felt a surge of more emotions. Worry. Fear again. But not a selfish fear. They were scared you would leave. You could sense the intentions of each of them, seeing a bit into their mind. You sensed no malice, no intention to take life.

You sensed Hunter step closer. He was maybe a foot away now. He reached out and touched your forearm. You took another deep breath, then opened your eyes, watching him. He reached his hand up to your face slowly, reaching for your mask. You made no movement to stop him, and he slipped it off of you, tossing it aside. Beneath it revealed your face, and he calmly looked into your eyes.

You realized he was trying to reassure you, comfort you. He wasn’t scared of you, despite the legendary weapon you held. You felt more hopeful, now that you saw nobody had tried to attack you. You turned off your lightsaber, never breaking away from his gaze, and dropped the saber to the ground. Everyone relaxed.

“What are inhibitor chips?” You asked. Tech launched into an explanation. The Kaminoans created the clones with chips in their brain, to inhibit the clones' cognitive functions and allow them to follow any order. Theirs were not functioning, save for Crosshair. Crosshairs face darkened as he mentioned this, he looked like he would rather avoid the memories all together. They retrieved him from the empire and removed all their chips.

The clones were forced to kill the Jedi. Thinking about it left a bitter taste in your mouth. The clones would’ve stood by the Jedi, their commanders, generals, and friends. The Jedi only wanted to protect the Republic. They were forced to murder them. They were all tricked.

But, the bad batch… your friends. You sighed. You’re safe. You don’t have to leave. “So none of you feel an overwhelming urge to execute me for holding a lightsaber? Or making a 40ft jump?”

“More like 45 feet, and no. We never were known for being rule followers.” Hunter said. He smiled a bit when he said it, and watched you process his words. You blinked back tears, and a smile spread on your face. You couldn’t believe that you were all going to be okay. A horror you felt sure of was now averted.

You felt the electrical current run through your body again as Hunters hand retreated from your arm. You looked up at him, tears threatening to roll out of your eyes. The current dragged you in. You walked towards Hunter, the heat of the moment sweeping you up. You slammed into him and wrapped your arms around his torso. You squeezed tight, and shut your eyes, tears rolling down. “You’re not going to kill me.” You spoke half laughing, half crying.

You felt his arms wrap around your shoulders, and return the hug, squeezing you back. He was warm. Compared to moments ago feeling terrified of death, the feeling of being hugged and cared for was euphoric.

Hunter pressed his face into your hair, and you felt lips press to top of your head for a brief moment. He bent down a bit and whispered in your ear “Never. You’ve protected us, and we are going to protect you.” A few more tears rolled down as he spoke, and you pressed your face against his chest. He made circles with his thumb on your back, seemingly to comfort you. The world around you just disappeared. It was just you and him. You could feel him take deep breaths, while yours were a bit more shallow and sporadic.

A minute or two passed, and suddenly you heard awkward coughing. You withdrew from the hug, looking to the rest of the boys. Hunters left hand remained on your right shoulder.

You normally might’ve felt embarrassed, but right now you were still just happy to be alive. You faced the rest of the group, feeling a little guilty. “I’m sorry everyone. I really thought you were going to kill me. I didn’t mean to frighten any of you.”

Wrecker laughed. “Don’t worry about it General, we don’t scare easy!” Your eyebrows knit together when he called you General.

“If we really wanted to kill you, it would’ve happened already.” Crosshair said. Hunter looked at him disapprovingly. You just laughed. “Thanks Cross.” He made a short nod, and walked off the ramp.

“To be honest, I’ve suspected it for quite some time. Your reflexes, agility, weapon skill with a blade, and extensive experience with alien culture and language all pointed to you being a Jedi.” You raised an eyebrow at Tech after he spoke.

“How long have you known?” You inquired. “Several months.” He replied. You sighed. “You didn’t tell anyone?” You asked. “No. I thought it was obvious.” He stated simply. He walked past you and typed into his data pad. “See you Sera.” He waved without looking up.

“Echo-“ You called up to him. “Don’t worry about it.” He waved off your apology quickly. You just nodded at him. He walked back into the ship.

You turned to Hunter. “Please don’t start calling me General…” He patted your back. “I’ll talk to them, don’t worry about it.” You breathed out a sigh in relief. You relaxed more and looked at your surroundings for a minute. Your eyes found the horizon and you saw a beautiful sunset beginning. “Thank you, Hunter.” The words escaped your mouth as you watched the sunset.

He squeezed your shoulder, which brought your attention to him. “You can breathe easy now.” The corner of his lips turned up a little. You returned the smile and nodded. He patted your shoulder, and it seemed like he didn’t want to let go. He eventually released your shoulder and walked back to the ship, you assumed it was to go to Omega.

You smiled to yourself as you stood alone. This changes everything. You felt more hopeful than you had in years.

[butterfliesinmyguts]

A Helping Hand

summary: reader always helps around and levi wonders why.

warning : fluff, angst, and happy lovely stuff(may or may not turn into a series)

“ you did better today...” Mikasa breathed pushing my body off of hers. I finally was able to take her down. before dinner, she’s been helping me train to get better at combat.

a smile fell on my face, getting up and dusting myself off, “ keep it up and I’ll be more scared of you then those titans are..” I was able to keep up with Mikasa in ODM training, which was nearly impossible for everyone else. i felt at home in the air- as soon as my body begins to float, everything thing else zones out. my swords were just an my arms extended and I felt so powerful killing titans- scared yes- but powerful, but on ground I’m a clumsy wreck.

“ now let’s go eat before our meals fall victims to Sasha” letting out a laughed, I quickly remember a promise I made earlier today.“ could you save me a potato or something? I promised Jean I’d cover for his stable shift...” My friend sighed, “ again y/n?” quickly nodding, I set off to the stables.

I didn’t mind helping, if it was me I would want someone to offer to help me. sometimes I helped hange with mission plans, the days we go into town a lady sometime needs help carry supplies in her store, at the end of the week I help armin with reading, and at the beginning of the week I help captain levi organize his papers.

helping Levi is my favorite part of the week, if I’m in his office late enough he’ll set a cup of tea in my face with the words “ drink “ following after. while in my focused trance of replacing the water for the horses, and daydreaming about my captain Levi- two feet come into my line of vision. looking up my eyes were met with cold grey ones and then his trademark frown.

“ why are you out here, this is Jean’s punishment” dropping the buckets to the dirty stable ground, I wiped the sweat off my palms against my pants- fucking Jean, you told me this was duty.

“ just giving him a helping hand” my voice cracked, trying to laugh off the pure nevrousness that his presents brings me. I admit that im extremely fond of captain levi. he’s was the only guy that has ever made my stomach go crazy just by looking at me. the way he holds himself, short- yes- but never looked down on. he is humanity greatest soldier, during training I swear that he watches me. I feel his eyes burning my skin, the one time I did catch him Levi’s eyes widen and his breath hitched. I would kill to even be able to hug him, sometimes I imagine what it’s like to kiss him-but know that’ll never happen, hange told me that he thinks I’m silly and child like - he’d never feel that way about me.

“ - and now you’re standing there looking stupid, are you going to answer me y/n?” I realized that I’ve completely blocked out everything he said.

“ i.. please repeat the question- I’m sorry.” pinch his nose, my captain shook his head toward the ground. “tch, I asked you why your doing his punishment ?” shrugging, I began to brush the horses. “ I like being a helping hand, -“ before he got the chance to scold me I continued with “ it’s the only thing that makes me feel happy..”

looking up to catch him staring at me, our eyes locked together and for the first time ever I saw his eyes soften. taking him in, cause I may not ever be allowed to do it again, my heart ached. Levi is beautiful, breathtaking. his youthful glow made those dark orbs glow,if lips werent in the plain straight line- they would be puffy and pinky- so kissable. pulling my eyes away I finally breathed, trying to focus on the brush going through the horses hair while Levi still watched me. “ if that’s the case I need help mapping out the next expedition, hange told me your quite intelligent.” my cheeked warmed and a smile began to creep up on my lips- hange is getting so much praise next time I see them.“ I’ll find out for myself..” that smile dropped. “ come to my office after you clean and change from your filthy clothes.” nodding I watch the man walk towards the dining hall. On the inside, I was doing leaps. more time with levi, and we’d be talking to each other- I get too share my thoughts with levi.

“let the horse boy have fun with his siblings, and if I catch you doing other’s chores I’m making you run until the sunsets...” and you giggled.

during dinner levi couldn't help to think of you. why did you look at him like that, was there something on his face? maybe you were just scared, but no he’d always caught you looking at him. rather it been during training, in the dinning hall, and even doing expeditions.

Recalling back to when he first saw you, that smile you had permanently planted on your face- stupid what made y/n so happy? he was even more stunned when you got your ass handed to you by reiner during training and yelled “ again!” with that grin. that beautiful smile, y/n was beautiful- everyone knew it. levi heard eren, jean, connie, armin, and even hange talked about what they would do to have you in they’re beds, they all ranted about you body- Levi will admit that he has imagined your shy breath as his hand roamed your skin but It's more than looks with you, you care so much and you're gentle with him.

y/n would make sure that you take off your boots when entering his office ( which is tedious a job in itself ) but you did because Levi hated it when his floors were dirty and when on missions you squeeze all you cadets hands just to comfort them. no one ever has been gentle to him, it made him feel important but more importantly, why couldn't he stop thinking about you.

after showering, you changed into you nightclothes and headed to levi office. you knocked softly to quick “ come in..” I opened the door to Levi pulling two cups of tea. “ your late, I hope you didn't finish the stables...”

pulling your shoes off placing them beside his door you watched him pour, “ I didn’t” assuring him. moving towards the desk, examining the maps- Levi’s notes were so oragnized and neat. each note had so much detail about the surrounding area. while familiarizing with the map, Levi placed the tea cup infront of you. “ drink.” Brushing passed you, he set down in his chair.

why would he risking going in the open field for 740 meters, “ wouldn’t it be better to use this patch for cover?” expressing my concern, levi leaned up and listened to me rumble about the how it’ll be longer but it’ll save more cadets- every change I got I took a peek to see if he was still listening.

those sliver eyes watched me draw circles and point at the map, bottom lip between his teeth. i imagined how good it would feel to push my lips against them, the relief and pleasure that would rush through my body. I craved him “urh- but those are my thoughts..” finishing pushing away from the desk, distracting myself by sipping the tea.

“ where would we stop ?” Levi questioned, my heart warmed up, I stood over him to explain better “ over there would be a great rest point..” pointing to it, my neck completely in front of levi. I felt his breath hitched, clearing my throat i grabbed the pencil marking the on the map. “ I notice a cabin the last time we traveled...”

“ tch, impossible that’s a bit of the trail, with those tree you couldn’t have seen anything..” looking down in shame “ well while everyone was sleep I explored, even found a waterhole..”

I knew the risk of exploring, but I couldn’t help myself. while setting up for camp I saw a stream pulling down and I just had to see.

“don’t ever do that again...” nodding feeling ashamed, does this mean I have to go stay in the dungeon like eren? his eyes lighten a smirk playing along his lips.

“ just don’t go alone okay?” smiling at his words. sitting across from him I continued to tell him my discoveries - making sure he took notes of the waterhole and fields filled with berries. Levi forced me to write all my finding down, and he promised to even follow me on one of my ventures next time.

as time flew by tea cups were spilled, by me of course, and I was forced to re write the papers I ‘ ruined ‘ leaning my head on this desk my eyes flutter - wake up y/n - yawning I turned to levi still writing, how is he still writing? that tea was not keeping him up. so much energy, my eyes trailed his toned arms- the veins moving every in each stroke. blinking I distracted myself from my dirty thoughts.

“ you need to sleep levi” stretch my bones, the pop and crack give me a shot of adrenaline so I can actually wake up. “I’m fine” he muttered.

Levi eyes sunk from the lack of sleep, he was fighting it- too focused in his work to care that his eyes were burning and skin was red with an indention on his finger from the pen. “ they’ll be there tomorrow I promise..”

I reach to grab the papers, placing my hand softly on his bicip- he stiffened instantly and pushed my back into his bookcase. my ass landed on the ground,“ owe!” I cried, rubbing my back. fuck he is strong for a little guy, wow.

“y/n!”

levi rushed over and I swear his eyes were widen, like he was worried that he actually hurt me. Levi quickly leaning down watching me.“ I didn't mean to that y/n” a couldn't help but smile at him. were so close right now, my nose filled with his fresh scent- mint and tea leafs.

“ don't worry captain I-” levi’s hand pat my head. I could fucking scream in joy right now. did he just pat me? he never touches anyone. what does this mean, pulling away I watch his hand close as his finger tips carcassed his palms. as if he was trying to saver the feeling of my head, huh?

“your being gentle with me, why?” questioning him- levi set down in front of me. “ why not, your gentle with everyone else..” my eyes widen, he notices me In that way? planting his hand on my cheek, my heart stop, It felt so warm- his thumb wipe the tiny tear from the corner of my eyes. I’m blushing “I just flung you, and your still smiling why?”

shrugging “ I should have known that what’s going to happen” breathing out, I stared at his lips. “ y/n..” nodding not looking up at him. just kiss him, Levi is right there.

“ l'm going to kiss you..” he leaned and pushed my hair out of my face. repeating those words in my head, “ is that okay?” nodding quickly our lips came together as Levi took me in. I felt his chest against mine, and I couldn’t help but to grip his collar pulling him closer.

our lips begun to dance with each other, levi hands landed on my waist pulling me on top of his thighs. that smile still planted on my face between the kisses, while my hand combed his undercut.

my daydreams weren’t even a compare to the real deal, gently rubbing the back of his neck, Levi groaned into my mouth. With each movement we gained a slow rhythm,our body flowing against each other. I couldn’t help but to moan in pure pleasure I was feeling.

levi pulled bac slowly and watched me with my smiled in a drunken daze. replaying the moments in my head, Levi just kissed me, Levi my captain levi thinks of me- he thinks I’m gentle. a “ wow” left my mouth as he got up, leaning down quickly to steal one last kiss. my smiled never left my lips as I stood up leaning against the bookcase as finger tips brushed over my lips, hope the tingling sensation never went away. Im buzzing, I’m buzzing- all because of him.

watching the man, pick the fallen books up his eyes went to the window . “ it’s almost dawn, go get some sleep” Levi ordered coldly , point toward his bed.

fuck, “it’s dawn already!” I darted around Levi’s office trying to clean my area and while getting myself together. Levi stood there confused, as my actions all clicked in his head- arms crossed tightly along his chest.

“ I promised sasha that I’d help her with her hair this morning- I hope she’s not up already- oh no” slipping on my shoes on. opening the door to walk out, I give him a warm smile. “ I’m so sor-“

“ don’t worry, thanks for the helping hand..” leaning in to kiss him I was met by a closing the door. dumbfound I stood there, “what?”

part 2!

[mrsalwayswrite]

This Night (40s!Bucky Barnes x Hispanic!OFC)

Summary: When she saved a scrawny blond in a back alley, she would never have anticipated the ripple effects it would have. Nor how meeting someone with a pair of baby blue eyes and cocky smirk would draw her in, encouraging her that for one night, to taste revelry like she never had before.

This is my submission for @allaboardthereadingrailroad​ Marvel Diversity Challenge! My prompt was “a little danger never hurt”. 

I am going to admit, I’m super nervous to post this. I’ve never written a person of color before and would be horrified to accidently offend someone. That being said, I also had so much fun writing this piece. I adore 40s Bucky and Steve, so I was excited to finally have the inspiration to write them. 

Few notes:

-All translations are via google and what I can remember from university (if any of my Spanish is wrong, please please please someone tell me and i’ll correct it!)

-I threw in some 40s slang for fun, so that will be in italics.

-In the little research I did (again, someone please correct me if I am wrong), in the 40s there were not many Hispanic or Latino people living in NYC yet. So for my OFC and her family, they would very much stand out. 

Warnings: a few swear words, some angst, sexual tension, topic of racial discrimination and inequality 

Words: 8k (the story kept growing, i’m so sorry)

<gif is from Pinterest>

She clutched the parcel to her chest, trying to avoid the muddy puddles on the sidewalk. Mr. Hendricks would be furious with her if she got any mud on the packaging of the parcel. He always said it reflected his reputation.  

 Weaving through those walking down the busy Brooklyn sidewalk, she could feel the few glares and inaudible comments following in her wake. She tried to ignore it, knowing was not the first nor last time others judged her for her different skin tone. Though she doubted she would ever get used to it. One of her older brothers would try and cheer her up saying the white folks were jealous since they burned when in the sun too long while Spaniards became more beautiful. Without fail, she would smack him but end up laughing along. 

 Peeking at the address scrawled in precise handwriting, she surveyed the street names around. A sinking feeling in her gut confirmed her fear- she had somehow gotten lost. 

“Mierda.” She hissed, turning around in a circle. Not just to try and relocate her whereabouts but on the off chance her mother happened to be behind her to whack her over the head for swearing. 

 Not wanting to be run over by a fellow pedestrian, she stepped off the sidewalk into an alley nearby while she tried to get her bearings. She brushed down the front of her workwear, dark blue, princess style dress with its Peter Pan collar, double pockets and pleated skirt. A glance at her tights showed a couple spots of mud she somehow managed to still get on her even though her kitten heels were still mostly clean. A miracle really. 

 It was only mid-afternoon but Mr. Hendricks hated when she returned late from delivering parcels. He was the best tailor in Brooklyn and practically thrived off that title. He employed her to help keep things organized, the shop looking nice and delivering parcels to their patrons. It was mindless work but that did not bother her. It was a job...and she was lucky to have one. Being from one of the few Hispanic families in the area was not a perk when trying to find work. She knew the only reason she even got this job was she willingly took half the pay he would have given to anyone else, she could sew well, and she was pretty. 

 A crash at the end of the alley drew her attention behind her. There was some hushed talking followed by another sound of something hitting the ground. Hard. 

 Logically, she knew she should walk away. She was already lost. Her mother frequently reminded her to not involve herself in other people's business, it would only get her in trouble. The problem was her curiosity was a near palpable thing, driving her forward, along with her independent streak the size of the Upper Bay. So when she heard what sounded like a smack and another crash, her feet started moving without a second thought. 

 She darted around a half brick wall to find herself at an "L" intersection. And at the end of both alleys, stood a tall man with a face like a bulldog and the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows, fists at his side. Below him lay a much smaller, blond man who was sprawled out on the dirty ground. The smaller man groaned, rubbing a hand on his jaw. He rolled onto his side, then slowly and painfully rose back onto his feet, his own fists in front of him in a poor imitation of a boxer. 

 "You think you somethin' special, huh?" The larger man jeered, a nasty smirk on his face. He leaned on his back foot, preparing to throw another punch. 

 The smaller man raised his fists but made no other move, prepared to take the hit and most likely go back down. 

 So, she decided to do something stupid. 

 "BILL!!" She cried out, her voice echoing off the brick walls of the alleys. 

 Both men froze, turning to look at her. 

 Tucking the parcel under her arm, she jogged over to the smaller man, uncaring now of the muddy puddles. "There you are, Bill. I've been so worried. You promised to show me where Mrs. Wilcox lives. I tried to find her myself but I got so lost." Ignoring the quizzical look from the blond man, she stood between the two men, meeting the eyes of the larger one. She twirled a strand of her long, black hair around her finger, nerves getting to her but she pressed on. "I'm so sorry for whatever trouble he has caused you. He won't bother you again. We have to go now; our boss will dock our wages if we aren't back soon."

 The man trailed his eyes over her as if looking for a lie tattooed on her skin or dress. Finding nothing of interest, he stared hard at his victim for a long moment. She found herself holding her breath, silently praying her ruse worked. 

 Finally, he rolled his shoulders and unclenched his fists, his thick jowls still tense. "Keep ‘im away from me or next time his ass will end up in the hospital."

 Slowly, she released her breath as she watched the bulldog of a man turn on his heel and stomp away, back down the alley and onto the main sidewalk. 

 "Are you hurt?" She asked, looking over the smaller man. As he dusted off his brown trousers and tan jacket, she was surprised to realize he stood about her height, and probably about her age, in the young twenties. If her guessing was any good. 

 He rubbed his jaw again and winced where an impressive bruise was already growing. "I've had worse." 

 She could not help but smile at his nonchalance. His bright blue eyes met her own honey brown. A timid smile echoed hers, his face so open and expressive. Something about the man she found endearing already. Maybe defending him was not such a stupid action.  

 "All that stuff you said, about lookin' for me and gettin' lost…"

 She huffed a laugh. "I am actually lost. I'm trying to find this address here." She showed him the scrap of paper with the address scribbled on it.

 It took only a glance before he handed the paper back with a smile. "You're not too far. Only three streets away….I... I can take you there if you like."

 "Oh, I'd hate to impose on you."

 "No, it's really fine. Seems you saved me from...well…" He shrugged, sticking his hands in the pockets of his tan jacket. 

 "And... you...don't mind, you know, being seen with me?"

 "No, why?" Eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed slightly, he stared at her like that was the strangest question. 

 It was in that moment she knew, whoever this scrawny man was- he was a good man. The difference in their ethnicity made no difference to him. He was a rarity in her experience with most New Yorkers. 

 Even though it was 1940 and this was supposed to be a land of equal opportunity. 

 It was not. 

 With a shrug and momentarily, awkward silence as they both thought about their own answers to his question, they fell into step with one another as they headed back out of the alley.

 "So, what's your name? Or is it actually Bill?" She spoke up once they hit the sidewalk. 

 "Do I look like a Bill?"

 She squinted her eyes then shook her head giggling. "No, you don't."

 "It's Steve…. Steve Rogers."

 "It's nice to meet you, Steve."

 He directed them down another street. Their shoulders brushed occasionally as they walked, due more to their need to maneuver around puddles and other pedestrians than any sense of intimacy. "You gonna tell me your name or do I have to make one up for you?"

 "Oh! Sorry. It's Elana Morales-Díaz. So, what caused the fight?"

 The tips of his ears and cheeks turned pink as he ducked his head. "He, um, we...we had a disagreement."

 "Obviously. I would hate to know you're friends and beat each other up for fun."

 "My best friend is a boxer. He's tryin’ to teach me some moves…. does that count as beating each other up?"

 She pretended to think about it. "I may let that one slide but it sounds like you might need some new friends."

 "Yeah," he chuckled and peeked over at her. "Know of any openings?"

 "I just might."

 They stood at an intersection waiting to cross the street when they heard a shout from further down the road. Neither paid much attention initially until the shout repeated itself. 

 "STEVE!"

 The blond looked down the road, a smile on his lips. He waved and tugged on Elana to move away from the curb. She followed along, surprised since he told her they needed to cross. 

 A man glided through the pedestrians easily, a few lingering looks thrown his way by some of the women. When he noticed her standing next to Steve, his eyes widened for a brief moment before a lazy smirk appeared on his face and his strut became more pronounced. With boxing gloves dangling over his shoulder, his white shirt and black trousers, he looked like he just walked out of a gym. Especially with the way his dark brown hair ruffled in the breeze, a few strands sticking up like he had run his hands through it a few times. 

 "I leave you for one afternoon and I come back to find you with the prettiest gal in all of New York." 

 Steve rolled his eyes. "You're always at the gym now."

 The man put Steve in a teasing headlock. Only after a flirtatious wink at her, he released the smaller man. "So, you gonna introduce me to this wolfess, Steve?"

 "Ah, right. Elana, this is my best friend, Bucky Barnes. Buck, this is Elana."

 "Nice to meet you." She said, a small smile at their interactions. It reminded her of her brothers.

 The man -Bucky- reached over and took her hand but instead of shaking it, pressed a kiss to her knuckles, maintaining eye contact the whole time. "Pleasure is mine."

 Oh, he was a charmer. The kind her mother warned her about. Then again, her father had the same devilish charisma and Elana liked to remind her mother of that. To which her mother would laugh and say that's why she warned her daughter of those men, she knew from experience. With just a wink and kiss, she would fall madly in love, leave her home and give him five babies before she even knew it. It was always after this statement often said loudly and with feigned annoyance that Elana's father would wrap his arms around his wife, lovingly kiss her temple and remind her how long he had to chase her before she even agreed to go on a date with him. 

 "So how do you guys know each other?" Bucky asked, those blue eyes bouncing between the two of them. 

 Steve coughed, rubbing the back of his neck. It was then Bucky finally seemed to notice the slowly darkening bruise on Steve's jaw. 

 "Steve!" He grabbed his friend's face and glanced over him, concern etched in his movements and expression. "What happened this time, punk?"

 "Nothin'...just a disagreement. I had 'im on the ropes."

 He dropped his hand, running it through his brunet hair. "You gotta stop pickin’ fights, one of these days…" The implications hung heavily in the air. 

 "Ah, Steve…" When he looked over at her, she nodded toward the parcel still in her arms.

 "Oh right! Sorry. Buck, I gotta take her to drop somethin' off."

 Bucky shrugged. "Lead the way, punk."

 "Jerk."

 The three of them quickly crossed the street. Steve, and soon Bucky when he understood what was going on, pointed out markers for her in case she got lost again. In a short time, they arrived at the house, one of the nicer ones in Brooklyn. The boys waited on the sidewalk as Elana walked up to the front door and handed the parcel over with the man's tailored suit. 

 "Where you off to now, doll?" Bucky asked when she approached them. 

 "Oh, I need to get back to the shop. Mr. Hendricks will most likely be upset with how late I am anyway."

 "The tailorin’ shop near Prospect Park?"

 "Yeah." She played with a strand of her hair, trying to hide her nerves.

 "What a coincidence. We were headed that way ourselves, right, Steve?"

 "What?" Steve looked at Bucky, head tilted in confusion. Bucky cuffed him in the back of the head. "Oh, yeah. Yeah. Um, gonna take a nice walk in the park."

 Elana could not help but giggle at the two. With Bucky looking skyward like he was silently praying for patience to deal with his best friend; meanwhile Steve rubbed the back of his head and glared at his best friend. Although she just met them and hardly knew them, she found herself enjoying their presence. Friends were not something she had in great supply...or any supply really. 

 Plus, if she was being honest with herself, she found her gaze drifting to the tall, charming brunet more times than she cared to admit. The butterflies in her stomach did not help the situation. She knew it was foolish. He was attractive and knew it. But when he turned those baby blues on her and winked, she could not help but be drawn to him, like a moth to the flame. 

 "How come we ain't seen you round before? I know I'd remember a dame as beautiful as you round Brooklyn." Bucky said on her left side while Steve walked on her right. Neither one crowded her space. Sometimes one would touch a hand to her back to direct her steps or hold her elbow when she jumped a puddle. It was sweet instead of condescending. 

 She shrugged. "I recently got the job at the tailor shop and I live in Queens."

 They both winced making her laugh. She would never understand this animosity the boroughs had with each other. 

 "Well that explains a lot." Steve muttered. 

 "Hey!" She nudged the blond with her shoulder as she muttered. "Me gusta Queens. Ustedes dos están celosos."

 "What language is that?" Steve asked, curiosity evident. 

 "Spanish."

 "Is that why you have an accent?"

 She nodded, unable to meet their gazes as she answered. "My family moved here from Spain when I was six." Although she had grown up here in New York City, gone to school just like the other kids, she still maintained a slight accent to her words, different from the stereotypical New Yorker's accent. 

 "Say somethin’ else." Bucky smiled down at her. 

 She laughed. "Like what?"

 "I don't know. Anythin’."

 "El cielo es azul. Me duelen los pies con estos tacones. Me he reído más con ustedes dos que en semanas".

 Bucky had almost a dazed look on his face. "That's beautiful."

 "You have no idea what I said."

 "Doesn't matter." The brunet stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Steve can talk in Irish." 

 "Buck…"

 "What?" 

 "I mean, a little." He rubbed the back of his neck. "My ma came from Ireland." 

 Bucky snorted. "You wrote a poem for a girl in the second grade in Irish and read it to her on the playground. I'd say that's more than a little."

 Steve's face was red and jaw dropped as he stared at his friend. "How...how...how do you know that?" He sputtered. "We weren't even friends yet."

 Bucky winked at Elana as he answered. "Gotta be friends with the right people."

 The three of them walked back, talking and laughing. Well it was mostly the boys talking and teasing one another but she enjoyed just listening to their banter. Occasionally they would direct a question to her or she would throw out a remark that had them laughing. 

 She guided them to the back alley of the street front shops. Mr. Hendricks disliked her walking through the front unless she had her work apron on and clean shoes. 

 "Well thank you for helping me and walking me back."

 "It's not a big deal." Steve said. 

 "We'll see you round, yeah? I'd hate to just meet a gorgeous dame like you then never see her again." Bucky threw a wink at her, adjusting the boxing gloves still over his shoulder. 

 She opened her mouth to tease them then stopped. She truly hoped this was not the last time she saw these two. In a spur of the moment decision, she stepped closer to say goodbye. She pressed her cheeks to Steve's first, giving the traditional cheek kiss. She did the same to Bucky, though she had to rise on her toes to reach his face, and she suspected he bent over slightly. 

 "Hasta luego, mis amigos."

 "What was that, doll?"

 She looked from Bucky's smirk to Steve's red face and back. "A traditional goodbye."

 "Mmm…I could get used to that." The boxer teased, nudging his friend who refused to meet her eyes now. 

 She smiled and started to open the back door when Bucky's hand grabbed her forearm, stalling her movements. 

 "Hey, wait." Those baby blue eyes met her honey brown ones. "It's Friday night.  We usually go to the Stork Club for drinks and dancin’. Come with us."

 "Oh, I don't know…"

 "Come on. It'll be great. If it helps, we'll pick you up from your house."

 She could not help the laugh that slipped out at the thought.  "You'd come to Queens... to get me?"

 "It might break my heart to leave my beloved Brooklyn but I'd do it for you, doll."

 "Honestly it'd be dangerous for you to come to my house." 

 "A little danger never hurt." He brushed some of her hair behind her ear, sending shivers down her spine. 

 He was trouble, complete trouble for her...and she knew it. But the longer he stared at her with those pleading eyes and hand now at the nape of her neck, she could feel her resolve crumbling. "I have three brothers and a protective father."

 "They can't be that bad… Come on, please? Steve, help me out!"

 Steve just laughed, raising his hands in surrender. 

 She bit the inside of her cheek thinking about it. Her brother Mateo owed her for when she covered for him when he almost got caught smoking cigarettes behind the apartment building. Tonight, her parents were supposed to visit her eldest brother and his new wife in the Bronx. 

 "Ok…" She whispered. 

 "Yeah?" A beaming grin spread over his face.

 "Ok...I'll meet you there though."

 "Yes!" Bucky bent over and kissed her cheek loudly. "You won't regret it! Nine o'clock!"

 "Nueve. Estaré allí."

 "I still don't know what you said, doll, but I love it."

 She laughed, pushing him away from her. "Go! Before I'm even more late."

 Before they were three steps away, she ducked inside the back of the shop. Hopefully she was able to slip in unnoticed. The shop should be closing soon so Mr. Hendricks would be in his little office room. 

 She leaned against the back door, hands pressed against her cheeks to will away the warmth in them. Thankfully with her brown skin, the blush would be harder to notice. As she stood there, the realization of what she just agreed to finally hit her. An icy fist landed in her gut, drowning the blush away. She had never been to a club before. She had no idea what to wear...or how to act. How was she even going to get there? 

 Underneath the fear though was a determination to go. Why couldn't she have fun for one night, like other young women she regularly saw and envied. Both of those Brooklyn boys seemed nice. Thinking about them brought the flush back to her skin, especially when she thought of the kiss on the cheek from Bucky. He was trouble and fun and charming and devilish and… and she wanted to spend more time with him. And Steve, the sweet, kind, funny guy that he was. She liked them both. But when thinking about those baby blue eyes, insufferable smirk and broad shoulders...her heartbeat sped up and butterflies erupted in her belly. 

 "Oh Dios, ¿qué voy a hacer?" She whispered to herself. 

 *****

 Just after nine o'clock, Elana climbed out of the taxi. She stared up at the sign that brightly screamed ‘Stork Club’. So many people milled about, either walking into the club or chatting, waiting for others in their group. A couple people already looked like they had been hitting the bottles for some time, if the rambunctious yelling and obnoxious laughter said anything. The atmosphere was loud and vibrant with an air of debauchery...and she had not even stepped foot in the door. 

 "Oh Dios, ¿por qué estoy aquí? Estúpido. Tan estúpido. Debería irme. Ni siquiera se darán cuenta." She murmured to herself, her hands wringing the strap on her clutch. Actually, it was not even hers. She "borrowed" it from her mother's closet and prayed that she could return it before her mother noticed.

 "Elana!" 

 At the call of her name, she turned around to see Bucky and Steve crossing the street, dodging a car that decided they were taking too long. 

 "You made it!" Bucky exclaimed, bubbling with excitement. He scanned her over, giving a low whistle. "Damn, doll, you look beautiful."

 "Gracias." She smoothed down her floral-patterned tea dress that reached mid-calf, her kitten heels still on from earlier. Her raven hair hung loosely down her back, unstyled in the typical curls that most women wore. There had been no time to try one of those hair styles and not bring attention to herself before she snuck out. Just to make her even more self-conscious, the cherry red lipstick she wore felt heavy on her lips. Something she only wore on rare occasions. "You fellas clean up nicely."

 Checking over them, they each wore nice suits. Though Steve's looked a size or two too large and the prominent bruise on his cheek ruined the look a bit. Bucky was practically sinful in his suit, showing off his broad shoulders and strong legs, his hair slicked back. Improper thoughts flooded her mind and a heat warmed her cheeks. She had a feeling she would need to go to confession tomorrow. That was tomorrow’s worry though, tonight was about fun.

 "Ready to have the time of your life?" Bucky asked, excitement practically bubbled under his skin. 

 "That's a high standard."

 "Guess I better not disappoint. C'mon!" He grabbed her hand, pulling her towards the crowded, open door. In her sudden fear, she reached back and snagged Steve's hand, dragging him along. She would never admit it but having both of them on either side of her made her feel better. 

 There were several different calls for Bucky, vying for his attention. He just waved or yelled something back but kept her hand in his, pulling them through. She noticed more than one disappointed female face when Bucky passed them. It churned something in her stomach which she tried to ignore. 

 When they finally entered the dance hall, she froze. It was nothing like she imagined and so much better. At the far end was a stage with a large band playing an upbeat song that made her bounce on her toes without realizing it. A large bar area was set up, packed with people already looking for something to wet their throats. Booths and tables lined the walls. Already the hardwood, dance floor looked packed with couples jiving. Mirrors and photographs hung on the walls making the place feel bigger even when it was so crowded. The air smelled of alcohol, sweat and a youthful zeal she had never experienced. 

 It was intoxicating and nerve-wracking. She could not wait to join in. 

 The next thing she noticed when she glanced at all the people...she was the only non-white person there. 

 "Let's get a table." Bucky tugged them along towards an open booth on the right side of the dance floor. 

 She slid in on one side while Steve scooted in on the other. Bucky stood at the end, grinning ear to ear as he seemed to quickly survey the place. 

 "Right." He tossed his suit jacket on the seat next to her then clapped his hands, the sound muffled by the volume from the band nearby. "What kinda drink would you like?"

 "Ah, vino?"

 He nodded and waltzed towards the bar, throwing an arm around the shoulder of one of the men standing there waiting. 

 She turned back to the blond. "You're not drinking?"

 "Nah, too many health issues to make it worth it." 

 She hummed and took note of Steve's fidgeting. "Is this your first time too?"

 He chuckled. "No. I just don't...well, this isn't where I'd prefer to be on a Friday night...but don't tell Bucky... though he probably knows."

 "What would you rather be doing?"

 "Drawin’ or paintin’, maybe playin’ cards but I'm terrible at them."

 "You're an artist?" The realization warmed her heart. This scrawny man with a heart too big for his body and kindness an invisible cloak around him. It made sense somehow. He could look past the ugly and see beauty and somehow capture it. 

 "I don't know if I'd say that...I just enjoy it. It's usually what I end up doin’ when I come here. Doodlin’ on a napkin while Buck dances with every girl he can."

 Her stomach dropped while hearing that, which was stupid. So stupid. She swallowed thickly, hoping Steve did not notice, before she spoke again to distract herself. "Well if you doodle something tonight, can I see it after?"

 "If you like."

 Bucky appeared a minute later with a foamy glass of beer and a glass of red wine. Carefully, he placed them both on the table. "Ready to cut a rug?" He asked, looking at her expectedly. 

 "Um, I don't...I've never danced like this before." She hesitantly admitted. Steve gave her a sympathetic smile like he understood. 

 "Don't matter. I bet you're a swell dancer." He held out his hand for her. When she did not immediately accept his hand, he wiggled his fingers. "C'mon, ain't that hard. I'll teach you."

 With a sigh, she took his hand, his smile beaming as he tugged her out of the booth. She could not help but smile back at his sheer enthusiasm. It was contagious. 

 He led her off to the side of the dance floor. Putting one hand on her lower back and taking the other in his hand, he began demonstrating the steps. Her eyes stayed glued to his feet while he moved, willing her brain to understand and not make a fool of her. 

 "You got this, doll. Told you, you're a natural. Just follow my movement, let me lead."

 So she did and before she knew it, they were flying around the dance floor. 

 Bucky was an amazing dancer and it showed in how he effortlessly led her. A couple times she stumbled or stepped on his toes but he would just grin and encourage her to keep going. The faces of those around them blurred. The music seemed to sink into her blood and with every beat of the drum or clap of the hands from the band, her heartbeat echoed it. It was intoxicating and she had not even had a sip of alcohol. Now she understood why people flocked to these dance halls. There was something freeing in them, losing yourself to the music and movements. For a short time, you could ignore the outside world and all its trials. Here, you could be free. 

 Eventually she begged a break, practically panting from the several songs they danced through. The brightness in her eyes and smile though showed how much fun she was having. Still holding hands, they weaved through the crowd back to their booth where Steve sat with a napkin in front of him, pencil in hand and eyes focused downward. She slid into the booth first, Bucky right behind her. 

 "Have fun?" Steve asked, eyes bouncing between the two before him. 

 "I can't breathe." She giggled out, hand pressed to her chest. Her lungs struggled to fill up properly but instead of installing fear into her, it only made her laugh. 

 Bucky took a long sip of his beer and slung his arm behind Elana, on the back of the booth. "Told you, you'd have fun. You're a great dancer."

 "Only cause I had a great teacher." Taking a sip of her wine, she focused on the quiet artist.  "Did you draw something, Steve?"  

 "Yeah, just a little sketch."

 "Can I see it?"

 He slid the napkin over to her, nerves obvious. Giving him a small, reassuring smile, she flipped the napkin over and felt her heart stop and jaw drop. The pencil sketch was of Bucky and her dancing. His mouth was next to her ear, whispering instructions or flirtatious comments, his hand on her lower back. Her gaze was on his chest but the brilliant smile on her lips gave her away. The sketch was so realistic, it was astounding. It completely captured Bucky's confidence and her nervousness but somehow the opposite emotions only added to the image, bringing a sense of balance and trust between the two dancing partners. 

 "Steve, esto es…. hermoso…. increíble." She breathed out, never taking her eyes off the napkin. When she finally looked up to see him blushing and fiddling with the pencil, she smiled. 

 Bucky had been leaning against her so he could see the sketch also. "That might be your best one yet, pal."

 "Thanks, guys. S'nothing."

 "May I keep it?" She softly asked, eyes tracing the delicate lines and shading.

 The embarrassed blond flapped a hand at her. "Course. It was for you if you wanted it anyway."

 Silently, she reached across and squeezed Steve's hand, unable to convey all the emotions she was feeling. "There's one thing you got wrong."

 "What's that?"

 "I'm not that pretty."

 Both Steve and Bucky chuckled.  

 "Elana," Bucky started, gazing down at her. "He drew you like-"

 "Bucky!" A silky voice interrupted. A young woman stood at the end of their booth. Her blonde hair in perfect curls, bright red lipstick matched the equally bright red dress she wore. Her eyes zeroed in on the handsome brunet at the table, ignoring the other two patrons like they were just wallpaper. "Wanna dance?" 

 The sun-kissed woman could feel Bucky's hesitation. Nudging him gently in the ribs, she nodded towards the interloper. "Go. Have fun. I still need to catch my breath."

 With a nod, he slipped out of the booth and followed the beautiful woman onto the dance floor. The two easily fell into step like they had done this a million times, each movement flawless and smiles on both of their faces. 

 She turned back to Steve, ignoring the churning in her gut. "What's your favorite thing to draw?"

 They talked for a few minutes about art classes he had taken and the few commissioned pieces he had done for local businesses. The passion he spoke with about art, hands flapping and eyes alight, it was impossible not to join in his enthusiasm. 

 The presence of someone standing at the end of the table drew their attention away from the quick sketch of a monkey Steve had drawn on another napkin. This young woman had a haughty expression on her otherwise pretty face, glaring down her nose at Elana. 

 "You shouldn't be here." She stated, venom lacing every word. Hands on her curvy hips, the gold stitching in her emerald dress catching the light from above. 

 "Ruby, we-"

 "No one is talkin’ to you, Steve." She barked then continued glaring at Elana. "I bet you're a real floozy, comin’ in here lookin’ like that. Well news flash, no one wants you or your kind here."

 Tears stung in Elana’s eyes, threatening to fall. She knew this would happen. It always happened. There was always someone to remind her she was not one of them, even if her own eyes could see it. She had hoped tonight would be different. That for once, she could fit in. 

 "I want her here. She's my date."

 The lady -Ruby- spun on her heel so quick, her dress flared out. "Bucky," she crooned, her voice sugary-sweet, so different than a moment ago. "You're lookin' like a real Fred Astaire out there tonight. Let's go-"

 Bucky did not even look her way as he slid back onto the bench, eyes focused on Elana. "You alright there, doll?"

 She nodded numbly, staring at the table. Twirling a strand of hair absent-mindedly around her finger, she tried to force the tears from falling. It was not even the worst insult she had heard hurled at her, but it still cut her to the quick. Every time. 

 "Why don't we head out, yeah? Steve there looks like he's gettin' a little warm and the music ain't so good tonight." Bucky said gently. 

 She nodded again, not trusting herself to speak. 

 "Bucky, stay…" Ruby tried one last time but he leveled a glare at her that made her take a step back. 

 "Take a powder, Ruby, I ain't interested."

 Bucky wrapped his hand around Elana's, entwining their fingers as he slid out of the booth with her right behind him. Without even a backwards glance, he led the three of them out of the dance hall. Elana kept her head down the whole time, unable to meet anyone's eyes for fear of what she would see. 

 The night air was blissfully cool after the heat of the dance hall. It kissed her skin as if trying to help calm her down. At this point, the street was not as busy, everyone mostly inside now. Only a few pedestrians and cars interrupted the quiet scene. 

 "Elana, I'm so sorry."

 "Debería irme. No debería haber venido. Soy tan estúpida." She muttered to herself, not even hearing Bucky's statement. It was a foolish idea to come out. For so long she had tried to fit in, especially as a child. Her mother always told her to be herself and embrace her difference. That was easier said than done. Tonight felt like a taste of it when she was on the dance floor. What things could have been like if everyone was accepted. If where she was from did not matter. She had been so happy dancing with Bucky, this handsome devil who treated her like she was special, holding her hand in front of everyone. Sure, Steve said he danced with a lot of girls but for tonight, she was someone while on his arm. She was someone special. 

 And oh, did she love the feeling of his hand wrapped around hers. Him holding her close as they danced, his warm breath hitting her neck just right. He was trouble, through and through. Her mother would call him a Casanova and tell her to run the other way. Yet she did not want to. He drew something out of her. An almost recklessness. A desire for more. More in life. To experience life with a passion. Both this new feeling and Bucky’s presence were addicting...and she found herself unable to turn away. At least not for tonight. She wanted to revel in it tonight. 

 It was not until a hand cupped her cheek and tilted her head up to meet a pair of worried baby blue eyes that she was jolted from her internal spiral. 

 "Hey, hey. I have no idea what you're sayin' but it don't sound good. Why don't we walk for a bit, mmm? The night's still young."

 Wordlessly, she followed. It was then she noticed Bucky was still holding her hand, palms flat against one another's. That realization drew a small smile on her lips. On her other side walked Steve, hands in his pockets but a genuine smile on his face when he caught her eye. Even after all this, these two Brooklyn boys wanted to be with her. With that in mind, she shoved her despair and pain away. Let tomorrow bring what worries that came with it. Tonight she wanted to be reckless without fear of the consequences. Tonight was supposed to be fun.  

 "Can't believe Ruby would say that. Always thought she was a nice dame." The brunet mused, slipping his suit jacket back on before taking Elana's hand once again.

 "She only showed what she wanted you to see, Buck."

 "Dance with a girl a couple times and she thinks you owe her or somethin'."

 The blond quirked an eyebrow at his friend.  "Was it only dancin'?"

 "What you gettin' at, Rogers?"

 "You ditched some other girl for her once before."

 His head swiveled to stare at the smaller man in shock. "I did?"

 Elana spoke up. "Sounds like you have quite the selection of dance partners to choose from."

 Steve snorted. "Guy has been doll-dizzy since he was twelve."

 "What can I say? I appreciate fine art." Bucky said with a self-satisfied grin.

 "Don't usually lock lips with paintings or statues…"

 "You know what, Rogers!"

 Elana laughed as Bucky let go of her hand to race around her and put Steve in a headlock. The two pretended to box for a couple minutes, grins on both their faces. When finished, the champion boxer slid up to her, a rakish smile teasing his lips as he claimed her hand back.

 "Well if those gals are fine art, you sweetheart, are a masterpiece." He twirled her around once, making her dress flare out around her legs. "Have I told you yet how beautiful you look tonight?"

 "Yes, Bucky."

 "Good, I'd hate for you to forget." He winked and the trio started walking again. 

 "Oh, here." Steve suddenly said, fishing something out of his pocket. He held out his hand almost shyly.  

 She took the offered item to see it was the napkin with the sketch on it. "Oh, Steve. Muchas gracias." She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek, leaving a red stain behind. "Oops."

 "Here." Bucky tossed over a handkerchief to Steve. 

 She glanced at the napkin one more time before reverently placing it in her clutch. She already knew where she was going to put this in her room so she would always remember this night.

 "Oh drat." Steve said after glancing at his watch. "It's almost eleven. I have class early tomorrow."

 "Go on, punk. I'll look after her."

 Elana hugged Steve and was thrilled when he squeezed her back just as tightly. "I'm so happy to have met you."

 "This isn't goodbye, right?"

 "I hope not. You have more artwork to show me."

 He blushed yet nodded before giving Bucky a quick hug. 

 "Night, Steve."

 "Night, jerk."

 Together, they watched Steve walk down the sidewalk, wave back at them then disappear down the next street. 

 "Wanna keep walkin'?"

 She nodded. She knew she should go home. It was getting late and she still had to get back to Queens. Yet walking side by side with this man whom she had only met several hours ago, she found the idea abhorrent. Glancing up at the night sky, only a couple of the stars were visible through the smoke, clouds and street lamps. They were lovely though, a reminder that there were greater things out there, one just had to look for them. At least, that is what her father always said. 

 "Hey," Bucky's voice pulled her attention back, "I never got to say it earlier but thanks...for havin’ Steve's back earlier today. Punk doesn't know when to quit."

 "I'm glad he got in that fight...is that odd? If he didn't, I wouldn’t have met either one of you."

 "Alright, this ONE time I'm glad he got in a fight. Though, we probably would have ran into each other eventually."

 They walked in comfortable silence for a couple minutes. Two cars passed them separately and only a handful of people walked their way. Otherwise it almost felt like they were alone. It was peaceful, still holding hands and wandering the streets of Brooklyn.  

 "Y'know, I was kinda hopin' we'd get at least one slow song at the dance hall."

 "Me too." She confessed. 

 "Well, we should!" An idea sparked in his eyes. "Wait here." He moved over to one of the parked cars near them. He tried to open it but it was locked so he moved to the next one. This one opened without hesitation and he slid in. The whole time Elana switched between watching Bucky and scanning the streets for someone to yell at them. What was he thinking? Suddenly music came on, drifting from the radio through the open passenger door. 

 Bucky stood there, leaning against the car with the biggest grin on his smug face. "Who needs a dance hall?"

 She laughed, understanding what he had done. "We’re going to get in trouble."

 "No, we ain't. C'mon."

 "Oh, Dios mío, yes we are!" 

 "Dance with me." He cooed, standing before her looking like an Adonis. 

 With that lazy smirk and enthralling blue eyes staring down at her, refusal was not an option. The words died on her tongue as she stared up at him. The music was slow, a singer crooning about his love. The moment felt like something from a fairytale story her mother would tell her as a little girl. She knew she should go home. Stop this heat that seared through her when she found herself caught in his eyes. Stop the butterflies in her stomach when around him. Stop the way she melted under his touch, his hands always so gentle. 

 But she wanted this. Right now. To pretend this was her reality. To dance with her prince under the stars. That love did not care about the differences in their skin tones. For when the sun rose and this dream faded, reality would seep back in. Plus, he was a charmer. Doll-dizzy. She would not keep his attention past this night. 

 For now though, she could pretend. Enjoy the night in a way she never had before. 

 He placed her hands behind his neck and his on her hips. Standing there under the streetlight and distant starlight, they danced, swaying back and forth. Her head landed on his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath it. So steady and soothing. The world faded away around them, the only things that mattered was their dancing and the music. It wrapped around them like a warm, thick blanket. Enveloping them in a sense of security and vitality. One of his hands slowly traced her spine leaving a trail of fire behind. His cheek pressed against the top of her head. She felt safe...and wanted. A heady feeling that she could sense herself beginning to crave even more. Her hand tangled in the hair, her fingers lightly scraping the back of his neck. 

 "Say something in Spanish." He whispered, his lips against her scalp. 

 "Gracias por esto ... todo esto. Ha sido la mejor noche de mi vida".

 She looked back up at him, hoping to convey without words what she said. As she lifted her head up, their eyes locked. Tension filled the empty space around them, pulling them closer. For a split second, his eyes drifted to her lips and back up. Her heartbeat began racing anew. Slowly, as if waiting for her to turn away, his head tilted towards hers, his hands gripping her just a little tighter. His breath fanned across her face, warming her inside and out. She swore her heart was going to beat out of her chest. His nose brushed hers, an almost timid action that drew a smile from her. He chuckled silently then somehow pulled her even closer. She closed her eyes, a gasp escaping her when she felt the faintest touch of his lips on the corner of her mouth. 

 "Hey! Hey, you kids! What ya doin’ with my car?!" 

 All the tension evaporated like rain drops under the scorching sun. 

 "Shit...c'mon!" He grabbed her hand and started running away. Holding on tight, she ran next to him, as well as she could while wearing heels. The yells of the car's owner soon a distant sound behind them. 

 Finally, they stopped two streets later. He let go of her hand, running his hands through his hair and pacing. She leaned against the brick wall, hand over her mouth, giggles spilling forth between gasps of air. Never in her life had she done anything like this. She closed her eyes as the giggles turned into full-body laughter. One hand covered her mouth and the other wrapped around her own waist to try and contain the sound. This night was nothing like she expected but it only seemed to get better and better. This newfound revelry of youthful zeal, this silly recklessness...she wanted more and more of it. 

 When the laughter dissolved into small chuckles, she wiped her eyes as she opened them, hoping her make-up had not smudged too much. Not that she particularly cared in the moment.

 What she saw standing before her killed the laughter on her tongue. 

 Bucky stood just at arm's length, staring at her like she was the stars in the heavens. 

 In a single step, he crowded her against the brick wall. "Elana…" he growled, voice low, and it might have been the most exhilarating sound she had ever heard. One of his hands cupped the back of her head, as he lowered his lips to hers. The kiss was gentle, their lips just pressed together. A soft pressure that made her melt into his arms. 

 He leaned back to press his forehead against hers. His breath just as shaky as hers, both still breathing hard from their run. 

 "That was my first kiss." She blurted out, immediately regretting the words once they escaped. 

 He leaned back to look her in the eye. "Really?"

 She shrugged nervously. "Not many fellas lining up to kiss a girl like me."

 "Their loss, doll face." He smirked, running a thumb over her bottom lip. "May I have the honor of your second kiss ever?"

 She giggled and nodded. 

 This time when their lips touched, it felt like more. The first was like licking the spoon used after mixing cookie dough. A taste of what was to come. The second kiss was eating warm cookies right out of the oven and practically ascending to heaven. 

 His lips slanted over hers perfectly, as if they were formed just for her. Their mouths moved in tandem, picking up speed. No longer were the kisses sweet and gentle. His tongue traced her bottom lip and she willingly opened her mouth to receive it like a present. These kisses were all-consuming and fiery. It was as if his touch seared into her soul, leaving an imprint there for all eternity. 

 She knew right away when she met Bucky Barnes, he was trouble. He was the kind of man her mother warned her about. The kind to sweep her off her feet and make her forget the world around her. He was kind, charming and so full of life. Yet she knew even as she was wrapped in his arms, lips pressed against his, that there was one truth that would haunt her. Even if she ignored it for now. That truth would never leave. So she overlooked it, sinking deeper and deeper into his kisses and embrace. Drowning herself in him. With her back pressed against the wall, her hands tangled in his hair and mouths devouring one another, she had never felt more alive. 

 Tonight, she would choose the fire he poured into her. Tonight, she wanted to enjoy life without fear. Tonight, she wanted to pretend that this night would never end. To thrive in this feeling of passion and life, that nothing could go wrong. 

 For the truth was one day, he was bound to break her heart.

[kweebtrash]

Or Nah (M)

Messy Ch. 2

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny (features other members)

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: drugs, anxiety attacks, night terrors

Features: POV changes, bathroom/rough sex, fingering, blowjobs

Word Count: around 14k

A/N: ‘they’ and ‘she’ are used interchangeably on purpose.

Messy Masterlist  Buy me a Ko-Fi    Other Stories

Lucas Pov

My phone was vibrating against the glass top of the coffee table ripping me out of sleep. The incessant buzzing was driving me crazy especially since my head was still fuzzy from last night. I barely remember getting home...well to Quinn and Eri's place anyway. I groaned and slammed my hand on the table feeling around until my phone was in hand. I squinted an eye open, peeking at the influx of messages that continued to scroll about my screen. I opened the messenger app and read through the dozens of texts. Johnny had added me to the group chat shortly after I met him and Jaehyun during ‘Welcome Weekend’. It was how i had found out about their party and now it was how I found out that Eri had hooked up with Johnny. He was supposedly the “king of of one night stands” and Eri was just another one to be added to his list. Or that was how it would all start out. Clearly, Ten and Yuta had met their match once they started playing with her. I wouldnt be surprised if Johnny started drooling over her too.

There was something about Eri. I still hadn’t quite figured it out myself. She was far from my type-which is why I first got with Quinn. Quinn was soft, small, pale blonde and a little ditzy- perfect. Eri on the other hand was raw, loud, obnoxious, and volatile. Dominant yet bratty, needing to be in control of everything and the first to protect if needed. She always ended up “momming” Quinn and I no matter what. She was also gorgeous in a way I didn't often see back home- tattoos everywhere, her hair a mish mash of colors, her skin deep, rich and intoxicatingly sweet. She had managed to seduce every last one of us. We were putty in her hands. Eri and I were only friends but i would be lying if I failed to admit that there were times where all i thought about was being between her legs for days on end.

I sighed and finally sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I tossed my two cents into the group conversation and yawned deeply. The smell of something cooking caught my attention and i realized I was fucking starving. I looked over at the small kitchen and saw Eri standing in front of the stove in nothing but her underwear and a little ass tank top, looking like i should eat her for breakfast instead. I adjusted myself on the couch and opened my camera, zooming in close to get the best view. I grabbed a pic and sent it to the chat. They would all be jealous of me getting to see this first thing in the morning-afternoon….whatever.. “Babeeeeessss, whatcha making me?”

“I had some pancake mix in the back of the fridge that was still good so there's that. There’s also some left over pizza. Breakfast of champions.”

“You look like a hot little wifey cooking for me. Just saying.”

“You know what you could say? Nothing.” She came towards me with the plate of food. “Here.”

My camera was still open so i faced it towards us under the guise of taking a selfie but i turned my head towards her, just as i hit the button, giving her a kiss. I posted it to the group chat too just to see if i could piss Johnny off. “How's your vag?” I asked Eri as i sent the picture.

“I survived I guess. My thighs still fucking hurt.” I moved my legs so she could sit on the couch beside me.

“Was he better than me?” I asked just out of curiosity.

“Lucas, you know I dont compare anyone. But he didn’t go down on me so he's already losing, just saying.”

I picked up one of the pancakes and shoved it in my mouth. “Fuckin’ pussy.”

“Dont talk with your mouth full. You're gonna choke.” She grabbed her PS4 controller and turned on the console as well as the tv. She flipped through the apps pulling up Netflix. “You wanna watch something? Quinn said they'd be coming home soon but i don't know how true that is.”

“Heard she was at T.Y.’s place.” I replied in between chewing and shoving another pancake in my mouth.

“Yep. Fucking him this time, i guess.”

I swallowed and shrugged. “I'll ask her to take a shower before we fuck.”

“How gentlemanly of you, Lucas.” She scoffed and started typing in the name of whatever show she wanted to watch. I noticed the hickies that were covering her dark skin, blending in with the tattoos on her back and shoulders.

“Damn, he did a number on you.” I said leaning in closer to her and running my fingers along the bruises. She winced a bit and tugged away from me.

“It's fine. I've had worse.”

“Yeah like when Ten accidentally cut you so deep you had to get stitches and Quinn wanted to deck him.”

She inhaled sharply. “Not one of our best moments. I squirmed by accident so I guess it was my fault.”

“Or he could’ve not hurt you.” I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand before kissing her shoulder.

“Eh. Whats the fun in that?”

I kissed up her neck, resisting the urge to bite her and make my marks better than Johnny's. “I make you cum just fine without hurting you.”

“Question.” She said, turning to me. “Do you like choking me?”

“What? Uh...i mean...it gets you off right?”

“Yeah, but do you like it?”

I scratched at the back of my neck. “I mean….”

She sighed. “Nevermind.”

“Aww, Eri, don't be mad. I dont mind doing it for you!”

“It's fine. Im not mad.” She curled up against my chest, wrapping her arm around my waist, and setting her legs on my lap.

I rubbed her thighs slowly, going up and down the length of them and paying extra attention to her hips. “Did you try and get him to do it?”

“Yeah, well sorta. I didnt say it outright but i kinda hinted at it. He pulled his hand away like he didnt want to touch me.”

“Not for nothing Eri but you’re like the only chick who's like ‘CHOKE ME’ during the first fuck. It can be kinda scary and not everyone's into that.”

“Fuckin’ wack is what that is.” She laughed.

“Maybe he'll do it next time.”

“Next time?” She scoffed. “I doubt there’s gonna be a next time.”

“You'd be surprised.” I kissed the top of her head and kept her close, kind of wondering if I should ask her if she wanted to fuck. It was too much work to do anal right now but maybe she'd at least want it slow. I could do that. I slipped my fingers underneath the strap of her tank top moving it down her shoulder.

“Lucas.”

I hated when she said my name like that. It was like i was in trouble with my mom. I kept rubbing small circles on her thigh, pretending like i wasn’t doing anything. “Hmm? What?”

“Cut it out.” She was always much stricter with how much we fucked, unlike Quinn. Eri was picky and everything had to be on her terms, which was why i always got reprimanded. I knew she still couldn’t resist me, especially when i gave her my puppy dog look.

“I swear i'm not doing anything!”

She rolled her eyes and pushed away from me. “Not right now.” She got up from the couch and headed back towards the kitchen. I stuffed the last pancake in my mouth and followed after her.

“Come on! I'll go slow! It wont even hurt. You know i take good care of you.” I chewed faster and swallowed hard before she yelled at me again.

“My thighs are killing me. I don’t even think i have the strength to open them for you to eat me out.”

“Well...you wanna at least suck me off?” She glared at me so hard that I stepped back in case her fist wanted to connect with my stomach. She was always an aggressive lover. “S-sorry…”

“You'd probably taste like pool water and sweat. No thanks.”

“Ok, you can pull one of my numbers and ask me to shower before hand. It's just...you know how i get in the morning, babes.” i pouted at her, starting my puppy dog stare.

“Don’t look at me like that. You know i hate that.”

“Pretty please? Pleaaassseeeeeee.”

She set her little hand on my face, smooshing me away. “I dont have time. I have band practice tonight and it starts soon.”

“Just a quick one i promise!! I'll be done fast!”

She groaned. “Lucas, seriously??” She rolled her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Fine! FINE! I don’t know how you always convince me.”

“Because you can’t resist me, that's why.” I gave her a quick kiss before running towards the bathroom to shower. Honestly, i should probably bring my shower stuff to their house at some point so I could stop smelling like vanilla, and cookies, and marigolds or whatever they used. I chucked off my shorts, tossing them in the corner where Eri could get them and do the laundry for me later. I grabbed my toothbrush and slapped some toothpaste on it before getting in the shower. I turned it on full blast, preferring a cold shower than the usual depths of hell i had to suffer through when i showered with Eri or Quinn.

“Some random person added me on snapchat! Do you know a DJJ0209?!” i heard her yell at me. I almost choked on my toothbrush. I hoped the running water hid the sound of my laughter.

“Oh...no! I dont! Did you add them?!” i called back out to her before spitting toothpaste down the drain.

I could tell she was responding but i had no idea what it was. It was hard to hear her now with my head fully under the water. Hopefully it wasnt too important. I finished brushing my teeth and moved onto washing my hair, trying to get chlorine smell out of it.

“Did you hear me earlier?” her voice appeared from inside the bathroom.

“No, all i heard was someone random added you on snapchat. Who was it?”

“I have no clue. Probs some weirdo from online. I'm just gonna block it.”

“No,” i tried to keep a straight face even though she couldn’t see me behind the curtain. “Just accept it. I'm sure it's fine.”

“What the hell!? I got another one….wait this one has a little character thing. Kinda looks like Taeil…”

“Just accept them both. Who knows maybe you'll find the love of your life.” I snorted.

“Hmm yes how romantic. Mommy, daddy, How did you meet? Well son, your father sent me a dick pic on snapchat and I was so in love we instantly got married.”

“Aww, you're like a real life Cinderella.”

She hit the shower curtain, trying to get at me. “Shut up, dumbass. I have to leave here by 6, and it's a little after 4:30 now.”

“I'm coming! You wont be late.”

“Mhm.” I could hear her walking back out of the bathroom. I finished rinsing my hair and washed up quickly. I was done in a few minutes, pulling back the shower curtain to see that Eri had left a fresh towel on the toilet. She was seriously the best. I dried off a bit then wrapped the towel around my waist, heading back over to the couch. She was laying on her stomach, feet crossed at her ankles in the air and typing furiously on her phone. I leaned over the back of the couch and trailed my hand over her lower back, watching her tense for a second. She was way warmer than my hands were. I couldn’t help but wish I could play with her a bit before she left.

“You're freezing.” She said as she set her phone beside mine on the coffee table.

“It's too hot. I felt sticky.” i moved around the couch, taking my place beside her again. She scooted closer to me, her hand tugging at the towel and pulling it open.

“Let’s get this over with.” She said.

“Gee, dont sound so enthused.” I rolled my eyes as she giggled at me. In a way i knew she was joking but also she was probably ready to get going to band practice. It was important to her but so was i. She would make time for me. I cupped her face in my hands, pulling her close for a heated kiss while her hand fell between my thighs and groped my cock. I licked her lips before she let me in, my tongue filling up her mouth and making her squirm a bit. I loved the way it felt when we kissed. She was always a tease, hungry yet slow, or fast and harsh. You never knew what you were going to get. Whenever i could get a soft little moan out of her, it would go straight to my cock, making me breathe harder and want to fuck her for hours on end just to coax more out.

I slid my hand down her back, moving down to cup her ass. It was one of my favorite things about her. There was nothing better then seeing how good it looked while i fucked her from behind, better yet when i fucked her ass. I tried pulling her onto my lap but she let out a strained whimper.

“Careful…” She whispered. Ok, note to self, beat the shit out of Johnny next time i saw him for making my Eri so sore. I let go of her ass and opted for her hip again while my other hand slid under her tank top. I was already half hard, giving her some room to start stroking. I opened my legs wider as she rubbed her thumb over my head in slow circles making every nerve feel electrified. I was already wiggling my hips towards her palm, parting my lips to feed a deep groan down her throat. She already knew everything i loved, everything that turned me on, everything that could make me cum. She guided her kisses to my neck, sucking on my jugular just a bit before pressing her lips down my chest.

I relaxed my head back against the couch, my nails digging into the armrest when i felt her lips surrounding me. She eased herself down, little by little, stroking what she couldn't fit in her mouth. Her tongue circled around my head and she popped off it completely to kiss up and down my shaft. Her kisses slipped down to my balls, tongueing them just enough to make me almost lose my cool. I thrusted my hips more as i tried to get her to take me back in. She looked up at me, that same controlling look in her eye.

“You gonna behave?” She asked, raising a brow.

I licked my lips and looked at at her. “Are you?”

She sat up and pulled away from me. “I'll stop right now, Lucas. I swear.”

“No you wont.” I dared.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Oh really?”

“Mhm.” i moved closer towards her, angling my head for a kiss which I knew she would pull away from. In that instant i grabbed her neck making it disappear in the coverage of my hand. Her whole body relaxed and her face fell into an expression of bliss. Her eyes were practically rolling back in her head as her giddy giggles became strained when i closed my fingers around her tighter. It was scary as all hell to do this and it wasn’t necessarily something I enjoyed but seeing how good it made her feel got me going even more. Over time i got used to it, especially when she'd clench around me and scratch at my back, her body begging me to choke her harder. “Keep sucking, babes. It feels so good when I'm in your mouth.” i swiped my thumb over her full bottom lip, watching as her tongue poked out to lick it.

I let her go then and she eased back down, sucking faster this time. Her cheeks were starting to hollow out dragging more moans out of me. I set my hand on the back of her head, adding just enough pressure to keep her in place. I trailed my other hand down her back, sliding one of my fingers underneath her panties to feel how wet she was. She was trying to squirm away from from me but i let my finger slide slowly up and down her lower lips, rubbing each drop of slick through her folds and around her clit. I shushed her gently, telling her that i just wanted to make her feel good. I loved when she came with me and i was hoping she would swallow if i had her distracted enough.

I made circles on her bundle of nerves with just the tip of my middle finger, finally managing to get a louder moan out of her. The timbre from those cute sounds were enough to make my toes curl. I choked back her name, opting to keep quiet for now so I could concentrate. Her warm hand cupped my balls then, squeezing each one slightly as her thumb pressed into the sensitive points. I was already starting to throb in her tight mouth and it was making my nails dig into her scalp harder. I felt her wiggle her hips, reminding me that my finger was still in her panties. I rocked my finger through her wetness one last time before pushing it in slowly. I let her fuck herself on it as much as she wanted, leaving her to control the pace while i focused on my impending orgasm. “Eri...fuck…” i whispered.

She pulled off in one slow drag, rolling my precum over her tongue. “You know the drill.”

I groaned. “Please, Eri? Please? Just this once? I promise i’ll-”

“No. You know the rules.”

“But Quinn-”

“Then you should've asked Quinn.” she snapped back.

I dodged her glare and nodded in defeat. One day I was going to get her to swallow but for now i guess i had to cum on myself….again. She switched out her mouth with her hand, fisting the head of my cock before sliding down my shaft and giving it a squeeze. Cum was already starting to dribble down her hand as her hold on me tightened and loosened with each stroke. She pressed her chest to mine, bringing my head closer to cover her neck in kisses and miniscule bites. Her nails were digging into shoulder ever so slightly and her angry, commanding tone melted into that dangerously sweet voice.

“Come on, baby boy. Cum for me.” she cooed.

I held onto her then, so fucking tight, trying to bury my scream into her skin. I felt my stomach heat up as i came all over myself, my thigh muscles tensing. I swallowed back, panting against her chest as i worked through the tail end of my high. She kissed the top of my head, running her fingers through my hair, until I regained my composure.

“I gotta get dressed now.” She said, wiping her hand on the towel. I slid my hand out of her panties and groaned as i looked up at her.

“Stay for a bit…”

“I cant, its’ already about to be five. Quinn's gonna be home soon and you should actually get to your dorm sometime soon. You have class tomorrow.”

“Fuck class…”

“If you skip i'm gonna beat your ass.” She slid off the couch and headed to her room. She didn’t bother closing the door as she pulled her tank top over her head and dropped her panties. I had to look away, knowing i would make a bigger mess if i kept staring.

--

Eri's PoV

I shoved open the apartment door, kicking off my boots that were starting to dig into my feet. It felt so good to be home instead of a tiny garage sweating my ass off. I lugged my guitar and amp back to my room trying to ignore the loud moans coming from Quinn's room. I set my instrument down in the little sacred corner I set up where it wouldn't be disturbed, making sure to keep my cords wrapped up. Now that I was finally in the semi-peacefulness of my room I could take off the clothes that seemed to be glued to me. I pulled off my shorts, taking my phone out of my back pocket. I hadn’t checked it in hours and i could see the screen full of notifications. One caught my eye in particular. I clicked on the little bell which opened up my snapchat. There was one photo notification from the username i didnt recognize from this afternoon. I was going to scream if it was a dick pic. I dont even know why i thought it was a good idea to listen to Lucas and accept the request.

I braced myself as i clicked on it, waiting for the worse, even closing my eyes a bit. But it wasn’t bad. In fact...it was just Johnny. Johnny?? I gripped my phone tighter, pulling it closer to my face to examine the cute puppy filter on his black and white selfie, a simple caption of ‘hey’ towards the bottom of the screen. I couldn’t help the smile that tugged on my lips. He looked incredibly cute and definitely less like an annoying fuckboy. My heart started beating faster as i realized i should respond to him. I looked like a mess and i had no idea what i should i take a picture of. My room wasn't that clean, my face was meh at best and it was way too early for ass pics. I stared into my full length mirror, accessing the damage of my makeup. With my crappy room lighting and the use of a hundred filters I could potentially pull off a worthwhile selfie to send.

I angled my phone from above and mulled through the filters, finding a cute cat one that smoothed out my face to an angelic glow and made me have giant doe eyes. When i was satisfied i snapped the pic and typed in ‘Hey yourself’ as the caption. I expected him to leave me on read for most of the night and moved onto the other notifications i had. There was a text message from Yuta showing off new hot pink rope he had gotten (one of my favorite colors), a text from Taeyong telling me that Quinn had left their vest there (which im sure he texted just to have an excuse to talk to me), and a comment from Ten on my latest instagram selfie i took at practice (when my makeup was not so gross). I went to work answering them making the minutes pass by, keeping my mind off the thought of waiting for Johnny’s response. Thankfully, the waiting was short lived.

It was another picture but this one wasn’t so innocent and cute. His shirt was halfway up his torso, exposing his abs and the trimmed line of hair that trailed below his belly button and disappeared under the waistband of his Supreme briefs that were barely covered by his sweatpants. They did no justice in hiding the thick bulge beneath. His caption this time was ‘wyd?’. I stared at the picture so intently that my eyes started to blur a bit. I hadn’t even noticed i was holding my breath until my chest struggled to expand. He was reminding me exactly why i ended up in his bed last night and why i still felt the ache in my thighs.

I wasn't going to snap him back this time. No way. I knew exactly what he was doing- just trying to get me back in his bed. I wasn't going to fall for it. I was going to let him think that i wasn't desperate and let him suffer. I set my phone face down on my bed and pulled off my fishnet stockings and my shirt, tossing them in my hamper. I whipped off my bra and pulled on the tank top i had earlier, returning to my comfy pj state. Flopping onto my mattress, i laid back and reached for the headphones that always resided beside my pillow. They were my prized possession, complete with perfect outside noise cancellation. I opened up my spotify and hit shuffle on one of my favorite albums, sighing contently as Quinn and Lucas’ moaning was finally blocked out. I set my phone on my stomach and closed my eyes. I could use another nap to be honest…

But first…

I opened up my snapchat again succumbing to the victory of being the last one to send a teasing picture. I put the hem of my tank top cheekily between my teeth while i pressed my boobs together, making them fuller and have optimum cleavage. My caption was just a response to his question; ‘nothing much. Hbu?’.

I was too damn weak for him. I knew what the hell was under his sweatpants already but somewhere deep in the back of my mind, no matter how much i tried to ignore it, i had been thinking about the way he felt inside me. The dull ache, his long fingers, every bite of his perfect teeth on my skin, the small growls that made every one of my hairs stand on end. I thought there wouldnt be a next time- That i would just have to chalk him up to another one night stand- but now i knew he was interested in something a little more and i could play my favorite game of cat and mouse.

I set my phone back on my stomach opting to focus on the music. My nails drummed against my phone case following the beat of the heavy bass. It felt like an internal clock was ticking, reminding me like an annoying little devil that I was desperate for a response. Minutes turned into a half hour, a half hour turned into  an hour. I gave up on my ability to wait when Lucas banged on my door, loud enough to shake me from half asleep stupor. He was asking me to drive him back to his dorm. I didn’t bother putting my shorts back on. Instead i trudged to the front door in just my panties, sliding on my flipflops as we made our way out to the parking lot. The both of us were yawning as we got into my car, the passenger seat was still all the way back from when he got in three days ago.

“Had fun?” I asked. I could tell he was getting drained. Having sex non stop was going to run him right into the ground. He and Quinn were always hot messes like that. And I got called the stuck up one because my relationships were slightly more calculated.

“Yeah…” He grumbled.

“How many you'd get out?”

“2...Quinn got 5.”

“Oh boy. Let me guess, you didnt eat since I fed you either, right?” He didn't answer. I sighed and took a right turn away from the dorms and towards the strip of fast food places downtown.

“Where you going?”

“To get you food.” I flicked him in the temple, making him wince. “You need to eat and stop thinking with your dick so much.”

“Yes, Eri.” He sighed as set his head on his open faced palm, staring out the window. I pulled into a Taco Bell, rubbing his knee to pull him out of his sleepy daze. He gave me his order which seemed to be a whole laundry list of calories and fat. I pulled up to the next window and automatically reached for my debit card only to realize that i had left it at the apartment inside my shorts.

“Fuck.” I whispered.

Lucas dug into his pocket and handed me his card from his wallet. I started to protest but he just gave me a small smile. “I owe you. Dont worry about it. Youre always taking care of me anyway.”

I took his card and handed it over to the employee, waiting for his order. I felt his warm hand slip into mine giving it a little squeeze. “Dont start that gay shit.” I joked. He was always so clingy, loving, and sweet and I...liked to suppress everything I could about my emotions. Somehow he always found a way to bring something caring and nurturing out of me. He was so far from home that within the year or so that Quinn and I had known him, we became his family. Sure we all fucked but it just...kinda worked that way. I could be his best friend and caregiver and we could also connect physically to a point where it was neutral. He knew i would never want a relationship with him and that was for the best.

“Dont lie, Eri. Somewhere between your big tits you have a heart and not some black void like you pretend to have.”

“Excuse you, you leave my black void alone. It's fine just the way it is. I'm going to keep it that way.”

“Admit it. In there you have love for me and Quinn. And probably Johnnnyyyyyyyy~”

“Oh, grow up.” I scoffed. “Besides he's the one who wants it more than i do. It was him who sent me the request this afternoon and he’s already sent me a slutty snap.” i replied, grabbing the bag of food from the worker and handing it over to Lucas.

“Ohhh so that’s who that was? Shocker.”

“Yeah, you knew it was him, you little shit.”

“I’m your wingman, babes. You'll thank me later.”

I pulled out of the drive through and headed back in the direction of his dorm building. “I doubt that but ok. I dont even know if i'm gonna fuck him again.”

“You will.” he replied before shoving a burrito in his mouth. I pulled up to the building shortly after, ignoring his little quip and setting myself in park.

“Here we are, kid.”

He swallowed hard, licking his fingers of cheese sauce. “Can i come over next weekend?”

“I'm gonna be busy with Yuta on Saturday so see what Quinn says.”

“Ugh, fine.” He leaned in close and gave me a soft kiss, holding it for a bit longer than usual. “See you around!” He got out the car, taking his bag of food and backpack with him. I waited until i saw him disappear into the building before taking off. My phoned buzzed from within my cup holder and i wondered if it was Johnny. I waited until i came across a red light before stealing a glance at my phone. My mouth went dry as soon i saw his username on my screen. I wanted to see what he had sent so bad but if it was too good i didnt want it to happen while i was in the car and distracted.

I zoomed down the street, my foot a little bit heavier on the gas pedal than necessary. I was home in a flash, almost drifting into a parking space before taking the steps to my apartment two at a time. I unlocked the door and rushed in, surprised to see Quinn hobbling out of their room.

“Now i know how you feel with Johnny. My thighs are killing me.”

“Speaking of Johnny.” I spat out excitedly. “He added me on snapchat and his last snap to me was him in sweatpants with his dick print all perfect and his abs out and shit. I wanted to die. And now he just sent me another one and since you’re done with Lucas you can see it.”.

“God i hope it's his dick. Will you let me see his dick? I want to see his dick.”

I shrugged and clicked on his notification. “i guess we'll see- holy fucking shit.”

I could barely see his face, only his lips curling into a smirk as his monstrous hand groped at his bulge, giving it a quick shake. God it was so gross yet here i was salivating over it. His caption was ‘thought about how good you felt’. The 10 second clip was gone almost instantly but the view was already ingrained in my mind.

“Well if youre not gonna go over there and fuck him i will.” Quinn said.

“I’d rather you kinda….didn't.” I  looked down at them as a little bit of awkwardness sparked between us.

They pouted and crossed their arms. “You're gonna hog all that to yourself?! That's so unfair!”

“Ok, i know were pretty open about who we fuck because were in the same social circle but we kinda share Yuta and Lucas already! And i'm pretty sure Taeyong is up my ass again too, so that’s three guys! Let me have this ONE.”

“Ugh!! You’re getting soft! Was his dick that good that it went straight to your head and made you loopy?! We’re supposed to use them and leave! That’s it.”

“I know! I mean i usually leave right after when I’m with Ten and Yuta, i dropped Taeyong entirely, and Lucas hangs around here constantly so i can’t do much about that. You're the one that usually kicks him out. I dont know...i just…”

“You like him?!”

“I do not! I just like his dick! And maybe his lips….and his eyes...and his arms. And his tummy is cute too. His butt looks suuuuper good and-”

“You're weak, Eri. Promise me you will only use him for his dick. He's a dumb fuckboy who doesn’t deserve you.” Quinn said.

“I know that! And it’s gonna stay that way. Trust me. I'm not even going to answer him back. I’m tired so i’m heading to bed. I’ve got an early class anyway.”

“Yeah you do that. Between Jae, Taeyong, and Lucas, i’m pooped. I'm gonna stay home tomorrow.”

I rolled my eyes. Sometimes their will to not do anything successful with college was irritating. “Ok well you do that. Just be quiet if you're going to stay up late.” i said as i disappeared into my room and curled up in bed. What i said was partially true; i wasn't going to answer Johnny back. Well not now at least. He made me wait an hour before answering me. I was petty enough to make him wait twice as long for my response. I decided to set a timer as a reminder to get up and take a cute pic of my ass. But first a quick nap would do me good.

--

My alarm shook me out of my sleep, the heavy guitar riff scaring the crap out of me. I felt around for my phone groaning as i lifted my head off my pillow to shut it off. I blinked a few times bringing the time into view. It was 7:30 am. I totally missed my timer to respond back to Johnny and i didn't have time to take something sexy now. There were no other notifications from him either. I only had a few texts from my harem and a good morning selfie from Lucas. Glad he was actually going to class at least.

I forced myself out of bed and started getting ready. Shower, brushing my teeth, getting makeup on my face so i looked semi alive and like i didnt want to throw myself out a window. I picked out a random pair of leggings and a cut up band tee. That would suffice for today. I pulled on my worn out converses and grabbed my backpack, stuffing my headphones and laptop in it. I put some deodorant on and tossed it in my bag as well. I still had a decent amount of time to get to the commuters parking lot and head to the dungeon of journalism buildings. Once i got there, it only took a few minutes to find my classroom. It was a tiny box of a room with barely any air conditioning and older wooden desks. I plopped down in the middle aisle, already feeling my thighs stick to the chair.

Waiting for class to start was a pain. I was hungry and wanted coffee. I would maybe have some time to go to the Starbucks downtown before my next class. I didnt really have Starbucks money to spare but i needed a pick me up. Other students started shuffling in as the 9 o’ clock mark crept closer. Our professor still hadn’t shown up yet. The general consensus was 10 minutes without a teacher and you were free to leave. Please let me leave, i begged silently. If I didn’t cave in and get Starbucks I could sleep in a bit more in one of the quiet rooms in the library. I had some heavy decisions to weigh out within the next five minutes before I was able to book it.

I was watching the time tick on my phone when i saw a notification from snapchat. Oh fuck…It was Johnny. I opened it quickly, covering my phone just in case it was some sort of morning wood pic. I started wondering, just for a moment, if he slept in those sweats or completely naked. When i looked down at the picture it was actually of me sitting at my desk. The caption was ‘Ur not even gonna say hi? Lol’. I straightened up and whipped my head around trying to see where the fuck he was. I saw his smirk from the back right corner of the room, sunglasses over his eyes as he gave me a little head nod and stuck his tongue out. I whipped back around in my seat, trying to hide the blush that splattered across my cheeks.

Of course he would have class with me. Of fucking course. I had no idea what to do. Would this be awkward for us if we kept fucking? I could just ignore him for the entire semester. Pretend that any emotion towards him didn't exist and that we hadn’t fucked. While i was building my exterior facade into a sturdy wall my interior was crumbling with panic. I started furiously texting Quinn, even though i knew they weren't awake, just to get my internal screaming out. How was i supposed to get away from him now?! I had to look at those stupid gorgeous lips and thick thighs every single day of fall semester! All i could do was pray that the professor still didn't show up. My foot was furiously bouncing in anticipation of my freedom and potential to leave Johnny in the dust.

Unfortunately, i didn't get my wish. The professor came in then, huffing, puffing, and way too flustered. I set my head on the table and groaned, barely ready to suffer through the next hour and a half. Every once in awhile it would feel like Johnny was watching me but each time i looked back i was sure he was sleeping behind his sunglasses. He was probably up partying too late last night again. i caught him rubbing his eyes and yawning, looking so soft and sleepy. My lips tugged into a smile, that gooey, sickly sweet feeling returning to my stomach. I needed that to stop. I sighed and looked down at the syllabus that had been passed out. No one actually gave a crap about these. We just needed to know the due dates and what stupid projects we had. Time droned on but luckily we were let out a little early.

I stood up quickly, grabbing my bag and heading straight for the door, not bothering to look back to see if Johnny was on my tail. I got my answer either way when i felt an arm around my shoulders steering me towards the rows of rentable lockers. “So you are definitely ignoring me, right?” I heard him ask.

I groaned internally. “Not necessarily. I mean i couldn't just get up in the middle of class and ride your dick.” I kept myself in front of him, shuffling my weight from one foot to the other and gripping the strap of my backpack tightly.

“Definitely would have been better then going through another fucking syllabus. Like we dont know how to read.” He rolled his eyes. “Anyway, when’s your next class?”

“Why?” I asked curiously.

He looked around for a second before leaning against the lockers. “Wanna hook up again? I need a quickie.”

I couldn't help the giggle that escaped me. “Oh you need one, huh? Damn, didn't think you'd be the needy type Johnny.”

He sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes. “Let me put it this way then. I want to fuck and you’re the only one that’s here right now. Hows that sound?”

“Sounds like you're still thirsty from when I didn't answer your snap last night.”

“Don't know why you're playing hard to get when you weren’t that hard to get in my bed on Saturday.”

“And you definitely aren't hard to wrap around my finger.” I shot back, glaring at him as our bodies edged closer to each other.

“I’m hardly wrapped around your finger.” His almost hissed as he leaned in.

“You're here wanting to fuck me again, aren't you?” I crossed my arms and smirked up at him, knowing I had bested him in his little shade contest.

He dragged his tongue over his teeth and scoffed.  He looked away for a second, probably trying to recoup his ego. “Look, you want it or nah? I don’t have time to waste”

I got my phone out of my bra and flicked on the screen, pretending to see if I had enough time for him. My next class still wasn’t for another hour and a half. I could squeeze in a quickie. Besides if this perked me up then I could save a few bucks on coffee. I let out an exaggerated sigh. “I guess I have some free time. You got a condom?”

He patted his shorts, grabbing his wallet from his back pocket before flipping it open and checking the money pocket. “Yep.”

“I’m not about to fuck you with some old ass condom you’ve had in your wallet since you were like 16.”

“I just put it in there the other day, stupid. Anyway, where you wanna go?”

“Third floor has private bathroom. Normally that floor is pretty empty until later on in the afternoon. Follow me.”

I slipped in front of him, trying my best to make sure he had a view of my ass in the leggings that left little to the imagination. Besides if I lead the way I wouldn’t have to struggle as much to keep up with his long strides. We maneuvered up the stairs, flowing around the clog of students shifting classes. When we got to the third floor it was mostly clear as I had expected but I still looked around to see if anyone would possibly notice us. Johnny didn’t care, however. He sprinted ahead of me, swinging the door open the to single stall. “Come on already. No one’s gonna see.”

I sighed and scurried over to him, bouncing into the room and rushing him to close the door. He rolled his eyes as he set his backpack down and locked the door. “What? You think we’re gonna get in trouble out something? A bathroom isn’t the same as the student affairs office.”

“Shut up, asshole. I just want to be sure no one is going to interrupt us is all. I don’t have time to hear you whining about blue balls or some shit.”

“Whatever, scaredy cat. Let’s get this over with.” He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it by his backpack.

“Let’s get this over with? You know I can just leave you here to jerk off if that’s how you’re gonna be.”

“Yeah but you wont.” He grabbed the strap of my backpack and forced me close to him, my head almost ramming into his chest. I braced myself against him, about to bombard him with profanities when his hands cupped either side of my face. His head came down to connect our lips and I melted then, hungry to satisfy my addiction that already developed for his sensual kisses. I clung to his waist tight as we melded together. His tongue slipped out to massage my own, sucking it into his mouth to control every aspect of our tangle. He retreated his hands from my face and worked to shove my backpack off and drop it beside us. I had begun to claw at the waistband of his shorts while he grabbed a hold of my hair. His other hand rested on the small of my back, making sure i was crushed against him. My breath was barely able to escape with how close we were and his lips not breaking from mine. I managed to pop open the button of his fly while he moved us backwards, trapping me between his well built frame and the bathroom wall. I pulled away finally, gulping down air that he threatened to take away again.

“You like shoving me against shit, don’t you?” i panted heavily.

He licked his lips, lowering himself even more to kiss at my neck. “I like having you exactly where i want you. Plus, it's hot to see you stand on your tiptoes just to try and kiss me.”

“I'm pretty sure you just like me being short because my mouth is closer to your dick.”

“I mean that too.” He chuckled lowly before wrapping his lips around my collarbone to draw blood to the surface. “We can test that out if you want.”

“If i'm good at giving head?”

He small groan against my shoulder. “Yeah. That.”

“Well…” I grabbed onto his shoulders and shoved him back, switching our positions to have him pinned to the wall. “I haven't had any complaints yet.” Johnny looked a little surprised, yet excited at the prospect of me sucking him off. His eyes were fixated on me, on my lips, as i trailed passionate kisses down his stomach and nipped at his iliac's crest. In a split second, his shorts were around his ankles and my knees followed them to the ground. I was mostly confident in my ability to pleasure him until a sickening feeling started bubbling in my mind. How the hell he was even remotely going to fit into my mouth? I could barely take him inside me without minutes on end of preparation. Now he expected me to shove him down my throat? I swallowed hard when the outline of his dick trapped in his boxer briefs stared me down.

“You just gonna sit there or-?” he snapped.

I realized he had been waiting for me to start. My heart was thundering already as I tried to conceive of a way to swallow him down comfortably. I sighed internally and just decided to bite the bullet. I rested my hands on his hips kissing the outline of his cock through his underwear. His breath stilled as his eyes closed and his head dipped back ever so slightly. I kissed the head of his cock, sucking gently and tonguing around the thickness. My hands wandered from his hips to his ass, grabbing a hold of his firm cheeks. I heard him let out a small laugh before pulling my hands away, making me pout.

“What's up with you girls and my ass? Ya”ll are always grabbing it.” he said.

“Not for nothing but it’s pretty cute and if you want me to enjoy sucking your dick even more, you should probably let me do it.” I yanked my hands from his and pulled down his underwear swiftly, revealing what made me scared yet lustful. He was rolling his eyes, preparing to retort with another quip when i wrapped my lips fully around his head. He exhaled softly instead, making the easiest of thrusts into my mouth as he started getting hard. My mouth was expanding to accommodate being fuller and I tried swallowing around him, inching my way down gradually. My eyes were already squeezed shut, my chest heaving as i forced myself to breathe through my nose.

The groan that came out of him was definitely a bit louder and deeper than what i heard during our last hookup. It was followed by a much softer ‘keep going’ as his long fingers came to rest on my shoulder. His thumb stroked my jugular, keeping me steady against him. My body relaxed a bit more as i felt the warmth of his hand so close to my neck. I was leaning into him again, wanting to feel the constriction of my air supply. I was able to swallow down more, barely half way but better than what i expected. I worked a hand around his base, giving a small squeeze before starting rhythmic strokes. My fingers met my lips as I flowed between sucking and stroking, trying my best to coax those rumbly groans out of him once more.

His thumb finally pressed into the front of my throat and I could feel the pressure every time i swallowed back. My grip on his ass tightened my nails digging into the muscles and leaving small marks behind. I wrapped a small moan around the tip of his cock as I felt the beginning drops of precum coat my taste buds. He hissed softly as he slipped the condom from his pocket into my hand. “Hurry…”

I smirked, releasing him from my mouth and tearing the foil open. “Still so needy, Johnny~”

He turned his eyes away from me. “Just hurry up and make me cum.”

“Hah, funny. I'm the one who should be cumming before you, asshole.”

“If you earn it.” He guided my hand towards his dick, commanding me to roll the condom on. 

I scoffed, pinching the tip of the rubber as i rolled it down his shaft. “If I earn it? You’re seriously bad at trying to be the one in charge.” I lied. His sharp tongued quips and deep tone was sending shivers down my spine. I wanted him to control me, command me, and have me fight tooth and nail against him.

Johnny grabbed me by my arms, hauling me up to my feet and harshly pulling down my leggings. I couldnt even say anymore before his fingers were down my panties. His middle finger was coyly circling my entrance and I knew he was just trying proving his point. Specifically, when his finger made one slow drag up to my clit before sliding back down again. “You were saying?”

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. “Instead of annoying me with your smart ass mouth and your boring repeated tricks, why don’t you repay the favor by eating me out?”

He looked down at me, wrinkling his nose in a face of disgust. “Nah, i'm cool.”

Excuse me?? What? Did he really just deny eating me out? What kind of nonsense was that?!

“Why not? I literally just sucked your dick. It's the least you could do.” i almost growled. I would have much rather had him go down on me and not be such a jerk about it. Maybe i was spoiled. Every single one of my other partners would do it for me, from Taeyong to Quinn to Lucas and everyone in between. Johnny was the worst exception and my mind still toyed with the idea of leaving him here to get off on his own. I felt his finger dip into me again, trying to distract me from my tirade of angry thoughts. I hated him for all the convincing he was doing by filling me with his thick long fingers, furling and unfurling at a pace that made me squirm against him. My anger was slowly dissolving and my hips were grinding into his palm with each thrust. His breath brushed against my ear while his other hand tugged on the hem of my tee.

“Off, now.” He purred against me.

His command was better and more convincing this time. The timbre of his voice made my thighs clench just a bit and brought out the worst in my bratty personality. “Make me.”

I didn’t expect him to laugh in my face. “What are you, twelve? Just take it off.”

“Shut up! You're the one trying to command me and shit!.”

“I thought that's what you liked? Or is that only when you're tied up with your legs open?” He pulled his fingers out of me, my juices glistening under the fluorescent lighting. I stared at them, my tongue coming to drag over my bottom lip as tension filled the minimal space between us. I swallowed back when i saw the way he was looking at me, irritated yet primal in a way. He gave another tug on my shirt and i didnt question it this time. I pulled it over my head, along with my bra, and dropped it to the floor, never taking my eyes off him as he gripped my chin and pushed his cum covered fingers passed my lips.

The way he filled my mouth so easily had me clawing at his waist to keep him against me. My tongue worked over each digit, sucking my taste off before forcing myself down to his knuckles. His brows furrowed as he watched, concentrating on every movement and the way I grabbed at his wrist as if I was pleading to never pull away. I did however manage to regain myself enough to send a taunting question his way. “Remember when you said you were going to finger me so hard you would have me cumming in minutes? That didn't happen last time. Gonna make up for your lie?”

“i wasn’t lying but since you want to test me so bad bend over the fucking sick then, smartass.”

He shoved me towards the sink so fast that I struggled to kick off my converses and leggings so i wouldn't trip. I grabbed onto the sides of the sink, glaring back at Johnny through the mirror that was bolted above it. “You don't have to push me.”

“Aw baby,” he cooed as he lifted my knee onto the edge of the sink. “Dont lie, i know you love this. I’m gonna make you cum all over my cock.”

“Pause. Big pause. Don’t ever, and i mean, EVER say that. It's gross and literally the most unsexy thing someone could ever say.”

He shrugged, his voice dropping in tonality. “Usually girls want me to say shit like that.”

“Get it through your thick skull that i’m not one of your little chickenheads. What works for them doesn't do shit for me. Just...be yourself.” I sighed as I squared my shoulders and looked back at him. “Ok?” I said softly.

He licked his lips and cleared his throat. “What fucking ever.” He was back to his cocky attitude then but for a split second i could see a small shift in his eyes. Maybe it was doubt or him softening up a bit through me calling him out. I hoped it got through to him or else i'd have to use one of Ten’s ball gags every time i was with him.

He resumed his impatient plunges, as if nothing had transpired, discarding whatever feelings that were passing through his thoughts. He pressed his chest into my back, forcing me to stay bent over the small bowl. The pressure of his body against mine continued to build up and overwhelm my endorphins. I braced my hand against the mirror, the heat from it fogging into a print. God, he was such an asshole for making me feel this good.

He gathered my hair in his fist, tugging slightly to angle my head towards the mirror so i could see the smirk on his reflection.“You know i think i like it better when you don't talk either.”

I gave him a spiteful glare as our eyes chased one another before his tongue dove to place lavish licks across my throat. My shoulders tensed at the sensation, fighting to give into carnal desires that seemed to flare up whenever I was with him.

He placed more bites between my shoulder blades mixing them with the still fresh marks from our previous escapade. He joined his destruction of my skin's surface with the curling of his fingers again, pressing the pads of his fingertips against the sensitive area within me. My lips clasped into a impenetrable wall, sealing in my moan while his were flowing freely into my shoulders. I felt his cock burying into my back, the friction of my squirming leading him into torment. My supporting leg seemed to lift up on its own, bringing me to my tip toes, making him get as deep as he could. The torture ceased when i finally gave into his claim, my first orgasm shocking me as it had in fact hit me in minutes. I almost believed i could snap the sink in half with how utterly amazing his fingers were.

My head dipped low as i sank back, trying to recover before he worked me up again. I wanted to rest my propped up leg down on the ground but Johnny kept it pinned in place. He didnt let me have a moment to myself. Instead he vanished inside me so breathtakingly fast that my gasp surrounded us in echoes. His hand forced an iron grip on my hip while his muscles worked to piston into me. I leaned back against his shoulder reminding me of the climax of our first fuck. My eyes were fluttered closed, lips parted and waiting to feel his tongue overrunning mine. The small teasing nibbles to my lips that turned into rumbling bites were enough to make me weak.

Mewls, curses, and begs circulated between us Then it was over. He pulled away without an explanation, a pattern he was performing all too familiarly. He busied himself with kicking off his shoes and stumbling out of his shorts. I knew he hadnt cum yet and i need that deep stretch between my thighs and that radio voice to make me drip. I crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for his next move. “Well?”

He showed nothing more than calculated movements to pull me up into his arms, keeping me between his chest and the wall anew. There wasn’t any struggle to lift me, not even so much as a grunt when the muscles in his arms flexed to support my legs and my ass. I watched every inch of him tense; his legs square and steady, his chest rising and falling with each heavy inhale, and his shoulder blades pinching inwards. He was literally beautiful and i despised it. He was making my brain feel as if it was stuck in the clouds and was never going to clear itself of the fog.  He had spread me out for him, my legs dangling over his striated forearms,

I felt him then, his shaft riding between my lower lips to coat himself in my wetness. It was opposite of the rushed thrusts he had moments ago that made my stomach burn. The ridge of his head ghosted across my clit with each upward motion reminding me that the simplistic move was enough to bring me closer to insanity. That sensation was my favorite thing in the world and i ached for more. I held onto his shoulders, stabilizing myself as i inched my hips to meet his in an unwavering continuation of my satisfaction. His eyes flickered down at me, that smug look mocking me. Why did he know how to tease me so well?

I wanted to shove his face away from me but instead i dipped a hand down from his shoulder, my nails scraping against his torso. His eyes followed my fingers, getting wide as he found them spreading myself open for him. I could see his adam's apple bob with a hard swallow. “Fuck...” He shuddered. I felt my back slide down the wall as his hold on me wavered for a second. He hiked me up, repositioning me as he got a hold of himself. He was at a better angle now and the tip of his cock was already pushing past my entrance. I rested my head against the wall trying to distract myself from the way my already sore thighs were shaking and instead concentrate on the returning thrusts.

The slow sweet feeling got my body on edge just as much as the fast pace plowing did. I could feel myself tingling, shuddering each time his head caught a sensitive spot within my walls. Johnny dripped kisses across my breasts as his tongue teased tantric circles around my nipple before capturing it between his plush lips. My back arched, my breast filling his mouth enough for him to bite the swell of it. My breath hiccuped as i felt the sting of his teeth grazing against my skin. I wanted to see the after effects of those perfect rows when i thought of him later on tonight. He kissed at the indentations, creeping his way back up to my neck. 

His motions switched to a rough slam that had his hips forcing me back against the clammy wall as i clutched onto him for dear life. The calculated and harsh thrusts were powerful enough to drive feelings out of me that i preferred to keep repressed. It didn't help at all when his husky fervored radio voice finally groaned in my ear, “Fuck, Eri….you feel so good.”

In my head i was begging him not to stop though all i could get out was little squeaks as my nails etched streaks into his back. He hissed as i clenched around him with as much strength as i could muster, spurring the morphing jagged stutters of his hips faster. Our lips met in a rougher kiss once more, teeth clashing and moans interrupting each grab of our tongues. He was stretching me as he throbbed until the ever euphoric feeling flushed over us together. Our bodies had somehow managed to sync our orgasms which shocked me into silence. Johnny pressed his forehead into my shoulder as he slowed down, riding out the last aching feeling between us. I was tingling all over, my limbs feeling like tv static, as a wave of warmth washed over my skin. Everything about this was a mystery I had to unravel. It was new and different. I had never cum at the same time as my partner before. I always thought it was an enigma that only appeared in movies and tv shows. Now that I was experiencing it I had no idea what to do or say. I looked up at him as i tried to gather myself.

“Shit...uh…” What did you say to someone who made you feel so painstakingly good?

He pulled out of me gently before setting me down on my unstable legs. I diverted my eyes from him and managed to catch my reflection in the mirror. New hickies were all over me flowing with the others and the teeth marks on my chest made the skin tender. The fatigue was setting in hard and i was harshly reminded of the warm September weather that the shitty air conditioning in this building couldn't keep up with. I wanted to shower then sleep forever, maybe with him in my bed.

That minuscule daydream ended as i saw him tossing out the used condom and getting dressed. He was cold and distant like i usually was after a quick fuck..

“See ya.” He said as he pulled his shirt back over his head and grabbed his backpack. I gave him the finger as the door shut behind him, cursing under my breath. I was pretending that it wasn’t phasing me that he was leaving me out in the cold again. I turned on the faucet and ran some water over my neck and chest, trying to cool myself down. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail before wiping the cum that was now making me uncomfortably wet from between my thighs. Getting dressed was a painful ride that i was sure to carry onto my shift at work later on. I took a deep breath before opening the door and sliding back out into the world, less horny but still feeling incredibly reckless.

--

Johnnys POV

I unlocked the door to the apartment, sighing deeply as i still felt the scratches from earlier beneath my backpack. They had bothered me all day during my shift and I had half a mind to curse Eri out. I dropped my backpack to the floor, grateful to get rid of the weight and kicked off my work boots. I ran my fingers through my hair as i took off my hat, setting it on the hook by the door along with my keys. Jae was sprawled out on the couch seeming to have done nothing all day. “Hey dipshit.”

“‘Sup, asshole.” he replied.

“I’m fucking starving.” I announced as i headed over to the kitchen. I opened the freezer and took out the frozen pizza i had been thinking about all day. I had barely eaten since i had started my shift this afternoon and at this point i would eat everything if our fridge wasn’t so empty.

“Hey i got you something.” I heard Jae call out as i tore open the box and pulled out the pizza.

“What?”

“Look.”

I turned back to see a little plastic baggie dangling from his fingers. I rushed back to him snatching it up. “Fuck! Where'd you get this from? Matt?”

“Yeah, i managed to have enough for the good shit.”

“Thank fuckin' god because Josh kept giving us mostly stems.” I replied. “I'm gonna put some food in the oven in a sec, if you wanna share.”

He nodded. “What are you making?”

“Pizza, i dont think we have another one but ill double check. Oh, we need screens.” I headed into my room for a moment, grabbing my bowl off my dresser and searching for the screens i had….somewhere. I opened my drawer and moved some of my underwear around, searching for the stupid little envelope. “For the love of tits, where is it? JAE! You got any screens left?”

“Fuck if i know.” he called back.

Thanks for helping, asshole. I went to check my desk drawer, pushing aside some of my sd cards, lighters, and notebooks until I finally found the tiny manilla envelope with the mesh screens for the bottom of my bowl. I went back to the living room and handed them over to Jae. “You wanna get it ready? Im gonna put the pizza in.”

He sat up and grabbed his grinder that was on the coffee table. “Yep. Can we use your good lighter? Mine barely has any juice left.”

We always use my good lighter. I rolled my eyes and tried to hide my annoyed sigh. I couldn't be too picky. He did get me good weed after all. “Yeah, no problem, bro.” I left him to work and shuffled back to the kitchen, getting out a cookie sheet and slapping the pizza on it, sans plastic. I looked in the freezer to see if we had anything else I could whip up. There was some left over frozen fries and onion rings. I shrugged and dumped them onto the cookie sheet, shoving the pizza aside a bit. That was good enough. I tossed it in the oven and set the timer for like 20 minutes.

I sat down beside Jae on the couch just as he was lighting the bowl, taking in a big inhale before handing it to me. I did the same, waiting a bit before exhaling, my eyes resting on the rerun of Rick and Morty he had put on. I thought about telling him what happened between Eri and I this afternoon. We normally told each other about who we fucked but i felt like i wasn't going to hear the end of his bitching if I did. Oh well. I had a mental shrug before taking another hit. “So….i fucked Eri again today.”

“Damn, for real?” He looked over at me in disbelief, shaking his head a bit. “I knew you were whipped for her.”

“Fuck off, i am not. She’s just you know…hot.” As in ridiculously cute even though she was not the usual type i went for. “And she has nice tits.” As in they fit so perfectly in my hands and i wish i could hold them all day, that i could hold her all day… “And shes tight as fuck, to be honest.” As in, i could hardly give a shit about that but she feels so damn good that my mind just turns to mush when im inside her. “Oh, and shes good at giving brain.” As in, her lips are literally a gift to this damn world and all i could think about was kissing them...but also yeah, she gives good brain too.

“Damn, her pussy must be that special to end your one night stand streak then. What happened to ‘only get her snap or instagram so she cant call you’, or ‘only ask for nudes’, or ‘fuck her and leave and dont ever text her back’?”

“The dick wants what the dick wants, bro.” I said before taking another hit. I really wished she would get out my head. I was stuck with her though. For an entire semester i had to stare at the way she twirled her hair around her finger as she tried to look back at me and hope that i didnt notice. I noticed it all and it only made it worse. Everything about her was frozen in my head like a damaged vhs tape caught in the same scene. Even at work i was fucking up coffee orders because i would remember the little moans she made in my ear or some other gay shit. Sometimes i would think about tracing my fingers over her tattoos and seeing what other things turned her on. I hated this. I needed to separate myself from her. Sleeping with her again was a mistake.

“You good or are you just spacing out from the weed?” Jae laughed.

I blinked quickly and looked at him, suddenly coming out of my funk. I had no idea how long I spaced out for or however many hits i took. It was kind of an unconscious motion at this point. I laughed nervously trying to cover up that i had been thinking about Eri. “Oh yeah, haha. Shit's good. I'm gonna check on the food ok?”

“I think the timer went off.” He shrugged as he packed another bowl. I went to check the food, taking my phone with me. I was secretly hoping that i would have a snap from Eri. There was nothing. I should've been happy because it meant i could cut ties and not have her in my room again (or bathroom for that matter). But a feeling in my stomach kept tugging. It was if my gut was telling me to just take the chance and message her again. We barely talked otherwise. Even today i just left her in the bathroom because it was what i was used to even though I felt like I should’ve said more. That orgasm was fuckin’ insane-better than anything I had ever had before. Maybe one more little hook up wouldn’t kill me. No. I was starting to break my own rules.

I wanted to slam my head against the wall with all this back and forth bullshit in my mind. I needed to smoke more; until my head got foggy, my eyes blurry, and i could laugh this feeling away. I opened the oven and stared at the food for awhile, trying to gauge if everything was cooked without actually touching it. I cocked my head to the side, watching the slow bubbling of the pizza cheese and listening to the sizzle of the fries that were just starting to crisp.

“Is it done?!”

I stepped back from the oven, wiping away the sweat on my forehead that had started to accumulate from being in front of the heat for so long. I looked around for a potholder, finding it on the floor because Jae could never pick anything up. I pulled the tray out and grabbed a plate for myself. “Come get your own shit!”

I grabbed a knife and started hacking away at the pizza, trying to get it into slices. I was so focused on trying to unstick it from the tray i almost didnt notice the two quick vibrations that went off as my phone screen flashed on. I tried not to look at it right away since Jae was making his way over to the kitchen. If i didn’t play it cool he would go back to bitchin’ about me hooking up with Eri again. He started picking off fries from the tray, opening and closing his mouth to try in get cold air in, instead of waiting for it to cool like a normal human being. Meanwhile, I managed to get half a slice of pizza unstuck and dropped it onto my plate before joining it with some onion rings. I picked up my phone, making sure Jae was too engrossed with eating to see what Eri had sent me.

It was a picture of her neck and shoulders. The new hickies from today that had amassed into a weird purple splotch on her skin. Her caption was ‘can you not? I do have to go to work you know lol’. I smirked. Seeing them all over her made me feel something. Like i had marked my territory? Eww no. That sounded gross. Maybe i liked seeing a reminder of me on her? It was feeding into my thoughts of ‘maybe she was thinking about me too’. My thumbs hovered over my keyboard for a solid minute. I didnt want to sound like an idiot or worse, a desperate idiot.

Text me when ur free?

I hit send in the chat section then typed out my number. I never did that. Never fucking ever. I was kicking myself mentally already. She wasn’t going to text back. I set my phone in my pocket and pulled off more pizza from the tray and went to the couch, alternating between eating, smoking, and feeling my body start to give into sleep. “Dont sleep on the couch.” I yawned at Jae, seeing him start to slump over on the armrest.

“I’m chill. I had a productive day of not giving a fuck and staying home. Go snap your girlfriend.” he laughed.

“Go text yours.” I got up and shuffled to my room, slamming the door behind me. I tossed my phone onto my bed and took off all my clothes, kicking them towards the giant pile of laundry on my floor. I shook off a condom wrapper that stuck to my foot then fell face first into the mattress. My body felt heavy. I hoped i would stay asleep through the night this time and wake up not needing 4 Americanos to start the day. I felt a vibration through my bed and poked my head up from my pillow.

I guess im free

Dumbass

I immediately saved her number.

Cool

Slut

I could feel a smile start to form on my lips and i shoved my face back into my pillow. If i suffocated myself enough i’d end my misery. I wouldn't need to wait for my heart stop beating so fast if i was dead. Minutes passed by and there wasn’t another message. I waited just a bit longer, until my eyelids felt heavy and i dove deep into the void.

The void was sometimes peaceful but it never really lasted long. There were times where it shifted into an ocean and made me choke on the waters of my mental distress. Other times it was a sterile room, bright and menacing. It housed my body on a slab that couldn't move, my mouth wired shut and my inability to scream permeating my mind until all i did was panic. The worst of times it was a monster that sucked me back into a realm of corrupted childhood innocence and i could never escape the horrors of being chased. It felt so stupid that i could do all this to myself but never had a way to stop it. The fear was overwhelming, creeping through each nerve until all that was left was the suffocating silence and the streaks of tears on my cheeks that smothered me in emotions that were usually locked away and buried under time and ignorance. I was fading into a forgotten mess and still trying to claw my way up, reaching for absolutely anything that could pull me out.

“Hello?....Johnny?”

I gasped as my body yanked upright. My room was stuffy and heated. My sheets stuck to my sweat drenched body, clinging like a second skin. I looked down at my hands that were slowly coming into view as i blinked away tears.

“Johnny???”

I looked around in the darkness of my room. I had no idea where that voice was coming from. Was i just imagining things? Was i even actually awake? I spotted my phone, the screen glowing as it showed an ongoing call to Eri. I picked it up, trying to even out my breath. “H-hello?”

“Dude, its like 4am. Why are you calling me?” she sounded groggy and irritated.

“So-sorry. I uh...i think i might've rolled over onto my phone and dialed you. Didn't mean to wake you.”

“You sound out of breath. Did you call me while you're fucking someone?!”

“No...seriously i’m not. I-i-i gotta go.” I hung up instantly, not wanting to dwell in my weakness. I didn't need her to know about my suffocating anxiety forced night terrors. I didn't need anyone to know about those. I wasn't sure if i rolled over onto my phone or picked it up and dialed her in my sleep. I assumed i had done it more so on accident. Who knows how much thrashing i did this time. I laid back down, kicking off the sticky blankets and instead focusing on the dozens of messages i had missed in the group chat since i had fallen asleep.

--

The Boys Group Chat

Jae: the king has been bested lol

Taeyong: ohhh shit what happened now?

Jae: the one night stand turned into another fuck

Ten: wait he fucked eri again????

Jae: 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Jae: yup

Ten: holy shit

Taeyong: holy shit is right

Taeyong: thats like...

Taeyong: i mean hes never done that

Jae: not since we became friends

Jae: its been like 2 yrs since we met too

Ten: oh how the mighty have fallen

Johnny: can yall not???

Johnny: like i can literally read everything youre sending

Johnny: i havent fallen anywhere

Ten: hell yeah you have. Youre literally trapped now

Johnny: im not fucking trapped. Its done and over with. Were not gonna fuck again

Yuta: ok bro whatever u say tbh

Johnny: get out of here yuta

Yuta: 👅👅👅👅👅👅

Taeyong: dont listen to them. Ten and yuta drool over her every time she comes near them. Theyre like addicted or something

Taeil: ive seen you commenting a few times on her ig ty. Seems like theyre not the only ones addicted

Taeyong: ive literally just liked a few of her posts! So fucking what? That doesnt mean anything!

Taeil: you were literally staring at her at the party

Taeyong: yeah because you were trying to do your innocent boy schtick!

Ten: ty no matter how much you want to deny it you want her too

Johnny: shes literally not that great. I was just horny today after class. Yall need to chill

Jae: ok but if you hook up with her a third time then we know ur for sure whipped

Johnny: fucking choke. Pls.

Yuta: once you get used to her she aint so bad

Johnny: im cool. Trust.

Ten: hes too vanilla for her lolol

Johnny: fuck off. At least i dont have to like strangle myself to get off

Ten: awww chokings fun j-suh. Im surprised she hasnt asked you to do it yet

Johnny: well i mean like

Johnny: she kinda leaned into my hand a bit

Johnny: on saturday i mean. But it was weird so i just moved it

Ten: lmaooooo pussy

Yuta: dude just do it. She just gets this look in her eyes and its fucking insane

Jae: can yall not right now? Im about to puke

Taeil: im sure shes fine having normal sex. You act like every waking moment with her has to be kinky

Johnny: i havent had any complaints yet either

Taeil: yet? As in youre actually planning for another time? Lol

Johnny: GOOD NIGHT ASSHOLES

ten: #whipped

Yuta: #johnnyiserisbitch

Jae: then what does that make u two?

Yuta: her fuckin doms, dumbass 😂😂😂

Jae: what does that even mean????

Taeyong: even i know what that means jae damn. How dumb are you?

Jae: its just weird! Idk!

Yuta: it means when ten and i fuck her we control everything about her

Taeil: jfc

Ten: its a gift what can i say

(Downloading picture)

Johnny: Yuta are you fucking serious rn bro?

Taeil: Did you really take a picture of her tied up and gagged?

Yuta: lmao yeah. why fckn not? its hot

Johnny: how many pics of her do you have?

Yuta: lol so fucking many

Ten: ive got videos too 😏😏

Yuta: i mean theyre all up for grabs in case you want em 😜

Taeil: dont you think you shouldn't be sending those without her permission?

Yuta: i can dm u them

Taeil: yeah tbh

Taeyoung: youre just as bad as everyone else

Taeil: 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Johnny: cut it out

Ten: boo yall are no fun at all

Yuta: anyway just dont fuck her again or else ull get trapped

Johnny: like you two are?

Ten: guilty tbh

Yuta: mood

Jae: yall need to sleep

Jae: asap

Jae: and stop bugging me

Taeil: mute the damn chat duh

Johnny: i gotta get back to bed too

Johnny: morning shift tomorrow

Taeyong: wack but same

Taeyong: ill see you guys

Ten: nighty nighty tae tae😚😚���

Jae: ten ur gay is showing. No homo

Ten: literally all the homo. Anyway tell us again if you fuck eri

Ten: and ill let you know what happens on thursday ;)

Johnny: id rather not know and not fuck her again if ur gonna touch her

Taeil: i mean u basically already have so….

Johnny: shut up

Yuta: 😂😂😂😂

Yuta: dumbass

Taeil: im dipping out but ill let you guys know if she comes to the library ✌👅

Jae: eww dont talk about that

Taeyong: stop being such a kid and just go down on her

Johnny: off limits for damn sure

Ten: i'm telling you she wont keep you around if you dont

Johnny: good lets keep it that way

[dearest-alexander]

You Are The Reason Chapter V (Tom Holland x Reader fanfiction)

Summary: “I could be anything in the world, yet I wanted to be yours. But you don’t love me yet…or do you?“ The whole world thought you’re together but something’s stopping you, something’s stopping him.

Summary Chapter: “Dreams are excursions into the limbo of things, a semi-deliverance from the human prison.I’   - Henri Amiel

Chapter 5

YOUR POV

Much to our chagrin, traffic jam had caught up right after leaving the hospital premises. Harrison and a sleeping Gabby dropped us off first before heading back to our place. We called out the old guy at the reception who raised a mug of something at us in acknowledgement. My watch read 10:46pm by the time we reached their doorstep. Our dogs’ excited barks could be heard from the other side of the door as Tom wrestled with his keys for a bit.  

“Im telling you, he’ll find a way to do it.” Tom argued, pushing the apartment door open.

“Uhm, no. Cause I know Gabby, once she’s tired, she’s tired. You can’t make her do anything not until you’re bleeding to death that is.” I debated back cheekily.

The traffic seemed to go on for the rest of the night ergo, to past boredom, Tom and I exchanged text messages whether Harrison would be able to pull his plan or won’t, among many other silly things. We still have to keep it under wraps since Gabby still has no idea. “What are you two scowling bout back there?” she asked before falling asleep minutes later.

“Fine! Alright! Let’s just ask Harrison tomorrow!” he exhaled with resignation in his voice.

. I brought a clenched fist and elbow to my knees in a sign of victory.  

“Bloody hell, you don’t give up do you.” He said after a moment, putting everything on the countertop separating the living room and their kitchen.

I wriggled my eyebrows at him. His face contorted for a second to fight the smile from slipping through. He failed.  

“Only for you love.” I said with a laugh, hugging my dog who won’t stop bouncing up at me from the moment we enter the apartment.  

“Whatever… How are you lovely?” he knelt down to give Tessa a smooch on her gray head.  

I filled the pet bowl with water before dragging my body onto the couch, face down with a heavy groan. I hate traffic.

“You wanna hit the shower first or should I?” Tom asked after minutes of shuffling in and out of the room. I propped my chin but kept my eyes closed as I replied.

“Go ahead, I need a second so these cushion could suck me in.” I wiggled my body as if it would dissipate the stiffness of my legs from sitting too long.  

“You know where my room is.” He answered with a small laugh. I heard a creaking noise of the cabinet door then a wisp of wind when he threw something soft and large at my opiate position. I lifted my head when I heard him dematerialized behind the bathroom door.

I scanned the two-bedroom flat from my lying state. It was too tidy for two grown men to live in. Not a crumb or bottles of energy drinks in sight. Perhaps Gabby’s controlling nature had finally rubbed off on Harrison. He and Tom had decided to rent this place from Gabby’s cousin whenever they want to stay a while longer after wrapping up press junkets. Possibly, it was Harrison who wanted to stay longer and Tom being wherever his mate was, would stay until he pleased.

Willing myself to get up, I grabbed my overnight bag and the towel he threw at me to his room, the wall behind the mounted television. Two dogs sniffing happily behind me.  

His room reeked with ocean breeze laundry detergent and embodied late adolescence-ness. I noted the lack of articles of clothing and trainers scattered on the floor, unmade bed and wide open luggage last time I was here. His double bed stood at the center of the room, two end tables on either side and dark clothes hung and were neatly stacked on the exposed clothing rack. 10 pairs of shoes in an orderly pile on the floor.  

Despite the fact that he had let me sleepover a thousand times, I never heeded nor have I ever had the slight urge to interest myself on what he is like in his solidarity. I pride myself to never the one to snoop around. The prevalent awareness of being in his room haven’t bother me. Up until now. Which was the case I found myself in, prancing around his room as if for the first time in an unnamable light.  

His room can’t be categorized as neither pristine nor disorganized. Stuff  that usually don’t go well with each other –not that I know anything about interior styling- somehow complemented and blended with his impulsive personality. His obsession on shameless hoarding of any Spider-man merchandise he could get his hands on endured after all these years. “What a total nerd.” I chuckled to myself, setting down his action figure on the same spot. The red and blue collection disparate from the gray overall theme of the room. Letters and artworks from his fans were all compiled inside three black dossiers.  

I was lazily lugging my index finger on his dust-free shelf, along the lines of books and photographs of his family, co-star photo calls, sceneries when a solid wooden framed picture halted me in my tracks.  

Memories gushed in an unstoppable wave. The picture was cropped from the chest and up. I snapped this shot right after the first successful jumping obstacles I finished with my mare. We’re smiling. His cheek pressed onto mine, his other eye was squinting in order to avoid the harsh glare of the sun and my face reddened with sweat and excitement in his riding helmet. My arm was draped around his shoulders while the other extended the camera to fit us in the frame. I remembered  hurriedly leapt down to Tom, who was already reaching out for me before my booted feet even touched the damp ground. I remembered stalling in his embrace, his body radiated as if he had somehow swallowed the whole sun, his thumbs that were drawing circles on my hips, pushing down the hitch emanating from my throat. I remembered how I  together with his family went to their lake house later in the evening, his dad, stood by my side, with one comforting and familiar arm on my blanket-ed shoulders, staring ahead the setting day had said, out of the blue:

“Sometimes it’s practical to test waters first cause no one wants to dive in murky water, knowing whether we’ll hit the rocks or sand. But this day..” he trailed off, smiling and shaking his head. “He may be daft sometimes but thank you for sticking by him. Thank you for everything you’ve done. Thank you for making him happy.”  

Before I could even ask Senior Holland to elaborate, an added weight made the docks screech in slight objection. Tom trudged to where we were, my bottled juice in hand. Frankly, I momentarily lost contact with my body, with my surroundings upon seeing his delightful face, how his curls bounced voluptuously like he’d just been prepped for some bloody movie minutes ago.  

All these years, I  try not to abide on what would  happen if Tom and I just.. that maybe we could… I shook my head to eliminate the thought that’s been trying to eat me ever since once upon a time. 

Tom’s POV 

We were left to ourselves. Again., I think Harrison and his girlfriend liked to do this on purpose. There's a part of me wanted to strangle them both for doing this, albeit, the half part wanted to get down on my knees and hug them both with praise and reverence, saying "I owe you, big time."  

I turned the shower knob off and quickly dressed in a shirt and sweats. I walked out into an empty and barely lit hall. The only evidence of her presence was her dog sitting outside my slightly open bedroom door. I patted his furry head before I knocked gently. She was not the one to get un-clothe with the door left ajar so I peeked inside when I didn't hear a response. She was leaning on my table, holding a picture frame in her hands, and the other clutching the desk. She didn't look up until I spoke.  

"Hey, everything ok?"  

She seemed startled for a swift second before smiling at me and waving the frame in her hands.

"I had no idea you printed and framed this."  

"It was a good day. I should dare you more often." I went to her side, brushing against her as I lean over to look at the picture. I crossed my arms over myself to hide the goosebumps running from the tip of my fingers up to the hairs on my neck.  

"Yeah. Really was." She sighed then locked her gaze with mine. I hugged myself even tighter, my fingers dug into my palms to keep from pulling her and crashing my lips to hers.. Heaven knows how badly I wanted no, needed to kiss her. But I’m waiting for her. Waiting for something to cross her eyes that will somehow tell me that she wants this just as bad as I do. I do not want to come across as one of those hot-blooded exes of hers who tried to force her to do something  she does not like. But it’s me, I try to tell her with my eyes. I will never hurt you. . I hugged myself tighter to keep my heart from sprinting out of my chest as the moment of pure electricity stretched between us.  

Until it wasn't anymore.

"I uhh.. Need to.... Take a bathe." She mumbled and broke her gaze. She handed me the frame and walked away. If she was nervous or felt at least something, she’s hiding it extraordinarily. I could feel my cheeks as they started to redden. She stopped at the door and crouched down in a playful defensive stance against her dog who wagged its tail gleefully. We let out short laughs before she disappeared.

I hung my head to the ceiling and I swear I could hear Harrison say  “Youre the world’s greatest idiot..” I groaned.

I couldn’t sleep. My mind has not accustomed with Harrison’s four walls of a bedroom for the past two hours.. Every time she and Gabby would come over, I’ll let her have my bed like the perfect gentleman that I was raised. I didn’t mind the couch nor Harrison’s bed because I knew my sheets would smell like her for the remainder of the week and I would wake up in the morning and bury my face in the pillow. A sweet torture.  

I fluffed Harrison's pillow to try to make myself more comfortable. Laying like a starfish on the bed and stared up the ceiling, my mind recalling one type of conversation that  had always seem to play out every morning whenever we were alone together..

The couple would show up, their elbows leaning on the countertop, hyperexcitable faces on the palm of their hands, kind of like children waiting for their slices of chocolate cake.

"So...... Did you do it?"  

I kept quiet while rummaging the kitchen for  her favorite breakfast. Eyes never leaving my task. But shook my head.. "Nah. Wasn't the right time."

"Oh c'mon man!" Harrison exclaimed, dropping his head  on the countertop in between in forearms.  

"Alright Osterfield ,  hand it over ." Gabby opened and closed the back of her hands. Harrison produced a 20 dollar bill from his wallet to give her.  

“You guys are the worst. I hope you know that.” I scowled under my breath.

"Thanks H olland " She patted me on my naked back..

"Man! How can you chicken out on me like that, you said you're gonna tell her last night....or the night of last week..... or the fortnight......or the months before that."  He whined,  Emphasizing each time frame then   his forearms inching  dangerously near the breakfast I'm making. I moved the plate out of the way and my eyes darted cautiously on my bedroom door. Checking for any signs or sounds of movement.

I shrugged, frowning.  

"As much as I like winning against Haz, dude, you have to make a move. That window's not gonna be open forever.  Take that hunky actor from GQ for example.”  

“What? Who?” I snapped my head at her. I tried to sound less nervous and irritated but even to my own ears, I knew I came up short.  

“I forgot his name . But we saw him at Jamba juice last week and the punk’s leaning a bit closer, in my opinion.”  she shrugged

"She doesn't like me that way." I countered, hoping to get the melancholy disappointment out of my voice. Eyes still casted down.

"She likes you. Everyone with eyes can see it. You're just both too stubborn to admit it." Gabby retorted, before gulping down a carton of orange juice.    

“Why? Did she tell you anything ?” I deadpanned but a little hopeful.  

"Actions, Holland. Actions. They speak louder than words, like the song, dumbass." She had an elbow leaning on the counter at my side as she regarded me with slight irk and concern.

"But no... She doesn't tell me anything. You know she's always been like that, bottling up her feelings til she knows she can hold it."  She placed  the cap back on her carton box.

"Well then, i  think i'll  just wait for that bottle to spill."

"Tom." Harrison interrupted in a quiet tone that I finally   looked at him.

"You know she's not her right?. They're both, different. This is a new story. It's gonna be different this time around. You're not running blindly here, not this time." Harrison was never soft spoken  and sober , not unless he could help it.

"Maybe we'll just lock you guys up in here for a week and then maybe we'll see. Don't make me do it." Gabby remarked, staring at the something behind me  

"Don't make you do what?" Our heads frantically turned to the sound by my bedroom door. Dressed in a sleeveless loose top and pyjama  bottoms, her bedridden hair falling on her shoulders, the palm of her hand digging on his left eye.  Her healthy skin glowed along with the morning sun. Eyes still glossy from sleep and puffy lips pouted adoringly. It's almost impossible to be that alluring  during this early hour in the morning.  

"Hey!!!!! Good morning sunshine! Did you just wake up?" Gabby asked, a little too cheerfully, three of us following her every movement.

"Um yeah. I didn't even hear you guys come in. How was your night?" She sat on the bar stool in front of me and Gabby, Harrison seated on the stool by her side then faced his body towards her, chin leaning on his shoulder. I exhaled a great sigh of relief, our kitchen conversation safe from her ears.

"It was fantastic …” Gabby said in a haste, “ , by the way, I heard you got drunk last night?"  

"I did. And I'm never doing it again." She moaned, pressing her forehead on the cold counter, arms folded in front of her.

"Here you go." I pushed the garnished plate in her direction and the glass of juice.

She smiled, "You're brilliant. Did I ever tell you that?." pulling the plate near her.  

Gabby made a tsk sound then walked back round to the couch. Harrison grabbed the ripe banana off of her plate before jumping out of his seat.  

"Hey! That's mine!" She leapt up abruptly but regretted it in an instant. She grunted, dropping her head onto the surface again.

"You're a buffoon." I threw the dish towel resting on my shoulder at Harrison's figure who hustled out of the way. I hand her another.

"Don't you just love them?!" She mumbled under her breath, sarcastically

"Oh and would you mind putting some shirt on Holland, she and Haz may  be used to it, but I'm not besides it's completely unhygienic." She instructed, flinging the shirt I discarded upon waking up from the armrest.  

"You tell me." I chuckled, putting my shirt on.  

It didn’t take long before I became conscious of her little quirks: the way she would pinch her lips when she’s trying to decide about something, how she likes to pop her knuckles that always seem to creep out Harrison and how she always find something nice to say about mean people. Something about her just felt…right; like everything seems to fall into place whenever she’s near.  

My body almost jumped when I felt the incessant and loud ring of my phone on the bedside table.. I clicked answer right away .

"You still up?"  

"No." I kid.

"Idiot. I Can't sleep." She sighed.

"Me neither. What are you doing?"

"Reading one of your books"

"What book?" I got up and leaned against the headboard.

She laughed. "You know we can just talk to each other, You're literally just across the hall.

"Ok, let's meet."

I hurriedly put on my shirt and walked out the door. She's already on her way to the fridge when I appeared in the kitchen.

"I'm hungry. How come you don't have anything here?" She complained and closed the fridge door behind her.

"Well, we're always at your place anyway."  

"Urgh! Let's order pizza. You're paying." She picked up the phone line in  the living room and dialed.

I made my way to the couch and will my body  to heel before I do something I will regret. Like, I don't know, maybe kissing the day lights out of her until I die from deoxygenation..  

"Hey you wanna watch a movie?" I initiated, grabbing the remote from the floor.

12:47am

"You know what? Fine fine! Let's just watch The Breakfast Club and we'll see who's right." She retorted, getting up from the sofa and inserting the dvd on the player, a slice of pizza dangling from her mouth.

"You're gonna be so bummed out when I win the fourth time today." Putting my hands behind my head and stretching my feet under the blanket we shared on the couch. It's already 2 am and All attempts of falling asleep diminished after indulging on a box of pizza, 2 bags of chips and 4 cans of root beers. My previous jitters had died down to a embers as we fell back into an amiable and platonic routine.

"Ha-ha! Move." She sneered jabbing my foot with her finger.  

I scooched over backwards for her to settle comfortably on the opposite side her. She rested her head on the armrest. Her sock clad feet lying near my stomach, I boldly closed my hand around them.  

We watched in silence for the rest of the movie until we got to the part at the end where Claire gives John his diamond earring.

"See! I told you, I told you! It was an earring not a ring." I sat up and gestured towards the screen. "Oi yow Pizza!" When I didn't hear or feel a slightest of movement I extended my arm on the floor, half my body still sitting on the couch and look at her. I must have known she had dozed off. Her even breaths were calm and soothing halfway through the movie, her face appeared pallid against the television screen. I got up as gently as I could and sat on the floor, over her side. I watched her for a little while, memorizing the way her shutted eyes would twitch every few seconds, her long eyelashes fanned out attractively across her features, her pouted lips carnation in color. I saw a crease formed at the center of her eyebrows and felt a lump clogging my throat. "What are you dreaming about?" I whispered. I reached an index finger to carefully smoothen it out, and lingered.  

"I swear, you'll be the death of me. " Before I could help myself, i pressed a feathered kiss to her forehead in replace of my finger.

8:17 am

I felt more than heard the sound of barely audible mumbles as it vibrated from my chest. I squinted my eyes open to see panting smiles from two dogs and instantly became aware of the soft weight nesting on my chest. I don't remember sleeping in this position earlier in the morning but damn it to bloody hell, I wasn't complaining.  

I or she must have moved positions during our sleep because now, on this glorious Sunday morning, our bodies lie snugly on the sofa, both my arms around her, one of her hands rested underneath my shirt, atop the unsteady thumps of my heart. Her head on my shoulder.  Blanket still draped over us.

"Want. Pancakes." She mumbled, eyes still closed.

A chuckle crept up onto my already- smiling face. I never knew she talked in her sleep as we've had never been in this position before. I stayed still for quite some time, careful to maintain our position in case she woke up and assess the situation with regret or something . It Could be minutes or hours;. I lapsed the ability to comprehend anything right now as I committed this moment to memory

The smell of her hair dominate the entire room, happily suffocating me to my death.  

Or How every inch of her molded perfectly into mine; her breathing patterns almost lulling me back to sleep

Or How her warmth masked and overpower my senses, making me forget to think, to breathe.  

A nagging thought entered my mind that I was, in a way, taking advantage of her slumberous state, and was about to separate my body from hers but was snapped out if it when I heard her next words. Making my world rattle to smithereens then build back up again.

"Mmmm.. I like you Tom.”  

I looked down on her to see if she’s woken. It probably meant anything that I hope to be but still, I couldn't fight the grin that jeopardizes to split my face in half or the euphoria openly transuding over my skin. I pressed my lips on her forehead and slowly pulled her even tighter. And i could die right after this, because she shifted closer- if that was still even possible-and lightly scratched her fingers on my bare and beating pectoral. 

I’ll just put the links of my A03 and Fanfiction pages. :)

[fight-me-wyatt]

Finn Wolfhard ~ Mistletoe ~ part one

Request/Prompt: Nope. Just a special since its Finns birthday on the 23rd and Christmas on the 25th. 

Ship:  Finn Wolfhard x fem!reader 

Summary: (for part one) Finn and the reader are childhood friends but kinda drifted apart. Finn invites her over for his birthday/Christmas party with all his cast mates. 

Type: Fluff! 

Warning: Only warning would be swearing, I think. 

 Word count: 2356 (including A/Ns) 

Hope you enjoy it. Let me know! I'm going to be doing something a little different for this, and I'm going to post each day for them on the actual day (New Zealand time), so it'll be split into 5 parts. If that makes sense. Hope you guys don't mind me doing it this way! Tbh im not sure if ill be able to write it all in time, but might as well give it a shot!

Gif credit goes to @shitposting-tozier

2 1 s t   D e c e m b e r . 

Y/N POV 

"Y/N pleeeeeaaassseeee" the muffled voice of Finn Wolfhard begged through the phone, "everyone's dying to meet you!" 

 I sighed and plopped down on the couch, spinning so I was upside down with my legs over the top and my hair brushing the ground. 

I loved talking to Finn and hearing his voice, but right now I was ready to end the call. 

"I don't know Finn... They're probably just saying that for your sake." I mumbled, staring at the world from an upside down point-of-view. 

Finn groaned through the phone and I rolled my eyes at his over-dramatising. It was cute, but extremely annoying. 

"Pretty please, Y/N?! I really want you there, I feel like I haven't seen you in ages! It'll just be like when we were younger and had family Christmas parties." He offered, trying to get me to come. 

He wanted me to agree to go to a Birthday/Christmas party he was having with all his cast mates and stuff. And as someone from his past, not really his present; I wasn't very keen to go. 

 Our families used to live next door, so Finn and I grew up together. We were best friends and we did everything together. Every year we had a massive neighbourhood Christmas party. But since the Wolfhards moved away, and with Finns acting, it got harder and harder trying to catch up. We kind of drifted apart, despite both of our efforts. 

I sighed, closing my eyes. 

The more we talked, the harder it was to say goodbye. The more I saw him, the harder it was to deny my feelings. 

"I don't know Finn. You'll be fine without me, you've got all your new friends there. I really wouldn't fit in. I'd be the only non-Cast mate. It would just be me sitting in a corner while everyone else has fun. I appreciate the offer, dude, but it's a no." I said softly, chewing my lip anxiously just thinking about the situation.

The more time I spent with him, the more likely it was for him to find out. 

On the other side of the phone there was quiet. Maybe he had finally given up? 

"Y/N/N, I wouldn't want to be there without you. You're my oldest and bestest friend, and I want to introduce you to my other friends so that all of my friends can be friends! I know for a fact you'd fit in. Josh will be there as well, so you won't be the only non-cast member! And if you end up sitting in a corner, I'll come sit with you. But, I guess, if you really don't want to go and it'd just going to make you uncomfortable, you don't have to come...." Finn said reassuringly. 

I pondered for a long moment, thinking through my options. 

Surely I could manage an hour or so... Just for Finn.. And he was right, we hasn't seen each other in ages, and I missed him so much. It was only one night, right? It wouldn't be that hard to act like the me that he knows, the one that was completely and utterly his platonic best friend... Right? 

"Fine. But only for you, asshole." I sighed. 

I heard a loud cheer from the phone, and laughed. 

Shit. What have I gotten myself into. 

"You weren't gonna give me the option to not go were you?" I asked, knowing the answer. 

"Nope. I was gonna keep bugging you." Finn said in a very happy voice. 

I simply laughed and wrote down the details of the party, not really listening. 

23rd. Finns house. Sleepover. Ugly Christmas sweater. 

"Okay, see you later, Finn" I said, wanting to get off the phone before ten minutes turned into two hours. 

"See ya, Y/N/N!" He responded. 

We hung up and I sighed, slowly sliding off the couch like a snake. My heart was pounding even from just hearing his voice.

I was screwed royally. 

Finns POV 

I put my phone down, letting out a sigh. I lean my head back against the couch and smile. 

It wasn't a great execution, but I got the intended end result, so that's all that matters. I sat up and opened my eyes to see the boys grinning at me expectantly.

I rolled my eyes and nodded, sending them up into cheers. Nic and Wyatt both slapped my back in congratulation and Jaeden wiped away a fake tear. 

"Guys, it's not that big of a deal." I groaned, running my hands through my messy hair. 

I mean, it was a big deal, but I wasn't going to tell them that. I had to act normal. Might as well get some practice in at it before Y/N came over for the party. 

Chosen scoffed and looked at me with raised eyebrows. 

"Dude, you've been spending all morning freaking out and writing a script for what to say to her, just to invite her to your party, despite knowing each other since forever." He teased. 

"And when you finally actually called her you couldn't stop blushing, and stammering and biting your lip." Dustin piped up. 

"Oh, and when she agreed to come you cheered as if you won a gold medal at the Olympics." Caleb said nudging me. 

I could feel my face heat up but I just rolled my eyes. 

"Whatever" I muttered sheepishly, glad that they had finished attacking me. 

Sophia walked in then, having gone shopping with my mom for some 'much needed girl time'. 

She looked at all the boys surrounding me, the blush on my face and the phone beside me, and quickly realised what was happening. 

"Oh, and don't forget about how he never shut up about her on set." She teased, one hand on her hip, the other holding a Starbucks coffee. 

 I groaned and buried my face in my hands as they all went around the circle, saying something I had said or done that gave it away. 

Everyone except Millie and Sadie added something in, and that was only because they hadn't arrived yet. 

Soon, Josh was telling them stories about times I had made an idiot of myself in front of her, since the three of us used to spend a lot of time together. 

Eventually, when my face was as red as a fire truck, I spoke up. 

"Okay. Fine. You got me. I have massive fucking crush on my best friend, Y/N, but there's no point. She only likes me as a friend, barely even that I think. Besides, I don't want to ruin the friendship, so please don't mention it to her?" I sighed, giving up. 

Jaeden rolled his eyes, but nodded. "Took you long enough to admit it, dumbass." He said grinning. 

"And we won't tell her. Yet. We have to actually meet her first and see if she's right for you, then we'll think about telling her." Jeremy grinned, winking. 

Sophia plopped down onto a spare chair, sighing. 

"I just can't wait to be the only girl. I mean there's gonna be three other girls here. That's like three more than I'm used to" Sophia grinned, changing the subject, thank god. 

 "Speaking of, when does Millie and Sadies plane arrive? I wonder how their holiday was..." Noah asked, checking his watch. 

"9pm tonight," I replied nodding, looking at my own watch. 

It was only mom and I that went to pick up the girls, since we wouldn't all fit in a car, and needed space for their luggage. 

It gave me a good opportunity to think. 

How was I gonna greet Y/N? Should I play it cool? Or act like I used to when my feelings were purely platonic? Or should I go out on a limb and flirt with her? 

I decided on acting. I was good at acting, I could do that easy. Just act like I didn't get butterflies whenever I see or hear her, act as if the way she would grin at me expectantly after telling a shifty joke, didn't effect me at all. Act like I didn't care whether or not she noticed me. Act as if she didn't make me feel weak in the knees or make my heart flutter whenever she looked at me with her gorgeous eyes.... Act like I didn't want to kiss her on those cute lips of hers that seemed to draw my eyes in like a magnet. Easy. 

I sighed deeply, wiping my face with my hand as if this would wipe away my thoughts. 

My mom looked at me concerned, before turning her attention back to the road. 

"Are you okay, honey? That was a big sigh. Do you still want to have the party? It's not too late to cancel." She said, her voice thick with concern and love. 

I shook my head simply. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. I still want to have the party, it's just..." I trailed off weakly. 

 "It's just, what? You can tell me, Finn, it's okay." She prompted. 

"It's just that I have this... This crush.. On this girl whose coming to the party, and I don't know how to act around her. I really, really like her, mom, but I don't want to ruin our friendship." I sighed, letting it all out. 

It felt good to vent. 

Mom smiled, quickly glancing at me. 

"And this girl, are we going to pick her up right now?" She asked, curiosity getting the better of her. 

"No, mom." I glared at her. 

She nodded, slowly. 

“That Sophia is a very nice girl, Finn, and I think-" 

"It's not Sophia either." I mumbled, cutting her off. 

She gasped, her eyes widening. 

"You like Y/N! Oh, Finny! Aw, wait until I tell Y/M/N! We've been waiting for this since you were just kids!" She squealed uncharacteristically like a schoolgirl. 

My eyes widened in alarm. 

"Mom! No! Both Y/N and her mom are not finding out about this! And that's really weird." 

 She simply shrugged, and reached over to ruffle my hair. 

"Okay, Finny. I just think you two would be adorable together." 

I rolled my eyes and slumped into the seat of the car, wanting to melt into it. 

"Honey, just know that if your friendship is important enough to the both of you, even if she doesn't share the same feelings about you, as you do for her, your friendship will stay the same. It might be awkward at first, but she's not worth it if she can't keep the lifelong friendship you guys have, just because of a crush." Mom said calmly and reassuringly, smiling at me gently, "but something tells me that you guys will figure it all out." 

I nodded, smiling softly, hoping what she said was true. 

 Millie and Sadie both fell asleep in the car on the way home. 

The reunion between me and them must've taken up what little energy they had left after a long flight from London, where they had flown to from Mexico. 

 Millie and Sadie had run to meet us, and engulfed me and then my mom in a big hug each. 

When Millie gave me a hug, she whispered in my ear, "I can't wait to meet her." 

I had groaned, responding, "they told you already?" 

She had laughed and nodded, "texted me just as the plane landed." 

When Sadie had given me a hug that seemed to have way too much strength from someone her size, she whispered, "Sounds like you're head over heels from what I've heard, Finn." 

Unable to stop the blush, I just laughed nervously. 

She grinned at me before going over to give my mom a hug. 

“Thank you so much for letting us stay with you, Mrs. Wolfhard." I only just heard the girls say. 

I was too busy caught up in my own thoughts. 

Slowly, I walked to the car behind the others. 

Everyone, apart from Y/N -hopefully-, knew that I was crushing on her, hard. Would someone let it slip that I liked her? Or, more likely, would they hint at it very heavily until she caught on? Would she, then, laugh at me with everyone about how stupid I was? Would she- 

"Finn!" Mom said loudly and I snapped out of my thoughts. 

"Hmm?" 

"We're at the the car, sweetie." 

She gestured to the car, the girls in the backseat, giggling. 

I smiled sheepishly. 

"Oh, yeah, right, sorry." I said and jumped in the passenger seat. 

"Daydreaming about someone were we, Finny?" Millie teased as Sadie made kissy faces beside her, teasing me. 

I rolled my eyes and pulled the finger at them before focusing ahead. 

When we reached home, everyone else was asleep. I guess all of the reunions were going to be tomorrow morning. 

I showed the girls their bedroom where Sophia was already sound asleep and said goodnight, before retreating to my own room. 

I almost stepped on a snoring Jeremy, and Chosen muttered in his sleep, worrying me that I had woken him up. 

I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. 

There's part one! How was it? Good enough to make you want to read part two, hopefully! Let me know how I can improve etc!

[thedapperrabbit]

She-Ra Rewatch: season 3 and onwards through season 4, and boatloads of Introspection time!

So Ive been rewatching She-Ra with my partner, because sharing Entrapdak is caring. I could probably squee on about that for a century or more (because eeee, sharing things i love with people i love AND THEY EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO THE THINGS AND REMEMBER THEM!)...but ill spare you, kind internet strangers who for some reason find my thoughts mildly interesting enough to be reading this. This is going to be a lot. Like, a LOT. A lot especially from a stranger that youve probably only seen a notification from due to me sticking a heart on your content or for reblogging something lovely youve made in pictures or words. I dont think anything is going to be violently trigger-y because im not always great at judging that stuff and also ive yet to feel quite comfy enough to be  fully open-posting specifics about my own past trauma, other than a vague allusion to self-harm and distant-ish unspecified abuse aaaand the usual childhood garbage truck of assholes....but i suppose you could possibly draw some darker potential conclusions from the content im focused on. Also, my ADHD makes it incredibly hard to keep to a straight and non-branching narrative so...ramble-y bits and expressions of brain frustration ahoy. Either way...you are forewarned, just in case. Sorry in advance, this is going to be a small booklet by the time Im done explaining, and thinking, and then attempting to stick words to abstract feels which sometimes im great at, and then others i fucking suck at...but at least this is all written and not me trying to say this to any of your faces! Thats....a mercy all of its own. Haa...  Anyway, while rewatching with my partner, I realized just how much more painful parts of it are to sit through now...they were the first time, and each time since, but NOW having spent a while mulling over the series as a whole a bunch, and reading a lot of other peoples writings on here and finding myself largely in agreement with most Entrapdak fan’s assessment of things, I just....feel like all the air is ripped out of me during some moments, watching  with keener insight. And despite thinking i had myself reasonably well figured out by my age, its all also made me further consider a few things about myself as well. Particularly my notable internalized fury response to chunks of it which have been consistent through all my viewings of SPOP. With Hordak at least, its way easier to understand my reactions. For me at least. Maybe not so much for the people around me. And, shittier due to intensity and subject matter, but still easier in the long run because...the broken bits in me that he resonates with are fresher and sharper and still more recent, like within the last ten years, and thus more towards the front shelves in my head, compared to things that resonate with Entrapta, which are all old, lifelong dull aches at this point. I feel like nothing i can point to is fully sufficient to fully express my feels involving Hordak. But, maybe the best representative moment is with the crying i do every damn time I see his face looking up at Prime just after he glimmer and catra were beamed up...because ive seen that face in the mirror. I HAVE MADE THAT FACE. That same. Goddamn. Face. I may not have gotten a jab to the back of the neck directly from the person I made it at...but they often seemed to silently goad me to harm myself in an attempt to jolt my brain out of getting stuck in re-looping through what theyd just done/said to me. Likewise, much of his interactions with Entrapta are very...very weirdly familiar in feeling, but in a good way. Watching the stuff with Hordak hurts because fuck me if it isnt frequently like watching myself back in 2008ish to 2013, which was the duration of the worst parts of that particular circle of hell i parked my ass in. So...that makes sense. Hes so well written in those moments, it occasionally gave me PTSD flashbacks (still does a little, but now im prepared and braced for it and can shrug it back off....thanks, lifetime of therapy and years of studying abnormal psychology! Still totally not an expert, just very passionate...just, as a disclaimer).  Entrapta though...Entrapta is a different story. Mostly, I see Entrapta and in her free expressions of delight and joy and her bouncy enthusiasm I am reminded of a younger, less discouraged me in some ways, and in others, a “me” I could have been, but...well, extremely early-onset anxiety and depression made me insanely self-conscious super-super early on...not that i was great at hiding or...i guess the term people seem comfy with is “masking”? Which was a huge problem, or so it was in the 80s when far less was understood of such things. Id do so for a bit and then would forget to, in a way (because id forget long enough to go and trust again reflexively) and would get badly bullied and would squish everything down until id feel a crumb of safety again, and then almost instantly ADHD would pop that mask right the rest of the way off aaand it would start all over again. Ad nauseam until my teen years, where the depression sort of “fixed” that, and made it much easier to destroy my desire to share much of myself freely at all, save for with one or two people, and to a less deep extent a broader circle of nerd friends. Course, then i hit 30 and ran out of the majority of fucks I used to give. Or I became so damaged and salted with anger that parts of me dont grow any fucks anymore? Either way, plowshares to swords, WHEEEE!) And, maybe thats where this time while watching, I started to really think back to all that, and to how i see Entrapta treated by the other princesses, or really just in general except by Hordak...and why it burns my biscuits so badly. Every time I see someone roll their eyes at Entrapta’s beautiful unbridled enthusiasm or try to make it seem distasteful or at least weird and unwanted and uncomfortable for them but then dont even bother to try coming to terms with why they feel that way... or how they seem to feel free to grab and manhandle her without her consent, or the way they try to lessen her contributions because shes non-normative? Like its the fucking least she can do to make up for being weird in their space (...okay, that might just be the anger kicking in..but i dont feel like its an entirely innacurate assessment, is it?)  All of that...seeing it inflicted upon someone, It feels like someones punched me right in the damn sternum, but because its a hurt that im so desensitized to, it seems to have a much different effect than the sharp, violent crushing pain that i feel when I relate to Hordak a little too well for comfort. Again, i could go on, but its nothing more eloquent people on here havent already spoken volumes on. And my first gut reaction is always “I dont understand! why is that their reaction to her?! it doesnt seem logical at all, i dont seem to be able to parse it correctly, how is this acceptable? I HOPE SHE IMMOLATES YOU ALL.”. Which...I suppose isnt entirely usual for me (the silent wishing that people be immolated, I mean...i blame my past years of working in retail. And devouring too much Warhammer 40k contentl).  (oh gods...and this is going to be the most clusterfucky part cause i can feel my meds kicking in and thats gonna be hard to keep coherence on but i gotta get this all out of my head or ill forget it or get too scared of you fucking BRILLIANT insightful smart people on here and then ill continue to live scared and regretful that i never said..anything, and just sat here like “noticeme, entrapdak sempais!”  Ehhn...which is to say, if this is a garbage dump from here down, dont worry, when i wake up ill fix it...but hopefully itll at least make a tiny bit of sense ) But I realized something...something I hadnt ever rememberd much about due to the shitty neuronormative (apology if thats wrong term) behaviors continuing over years and years but in less and less directly aggressive ways as i grew older and was more prone to losing my shit in , (and likely because I got excessively lucky and managed through...uhhh...agonizing determination? Sheer stubbornness? Alleviatory rebalancing of universal karma? fuck if i know --to  curate a surprisingly supportive circle of other castoffs and misanthropes.) That was exactly how people used to treat me.  OKAY THISLL BE EDITED LATER to add in the rest of what i was gonna say...im...too full of Ambien sleep meds and damn write it anymore...and im aing trouble separating realigty and dream...an i k apawing at the kybord...not safe Lov yous for reading this far. Il fix it later, swears.

[dawnowar]

I don’t wear a lot of makeup. Cause I’m 50. Well 49 and a half. or so. I don’t look my age and that’s cool. I dye my hair cause it comes in grey but I dyed it since I was 16 so its not a big thing. 

I love makeup, dont get me wrong. I wear enough when I go out. Sometimes too much. It’s hard to get it just right cause when you get older it sinks into your fine lines and makes you look much older. 

I have a lot of friends who are significantly younger than me. Almost all of them really. Because I like to do things younger people do and I don’t like to do whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing with people my age. 

I don’t even know what that is. 

But I’m pretty sure I don’t like doing it. 

My girlie friends who are much younger than me spend time and money on makeup that I just don’t anymore, because my skin looks better than its ever looked. I had acne from the day i turned 16 to somewhere around 42 I think. I still get a pimple now and again but its pretty rare. Maybe because I wear a lot less makeup. 

I like to make some attempt at covering the dark circles under my eyes. And I like to wear eye shadow, mascara and lipstick. I’m not gonna give myself cartoon eyebrows no matter how trendy they get. 

I decided years ago that all the girls i know who draw on completely fake faces are pretty much showing me who they really are.. Girls who look fake usually are fake. I decided not to be one of them. 

I like makeup though. When I could wear a ton of it, I most certainly did. So it’s weird for me when the young girls I know talk about makeup and exclude me from the conversation thinking me a person who doesn’t care about such things. 

But makeup has gotten a lot more expensive than it used to be too, and girls it seems are taking youtube makeup tips from drag queens these days. It seems like you have to wear a lot more makeup, you have a lot more products and you have to buy really expensive brands to be in with the cool kids.

Every once in awhile I’ll buy one of these expensive products and I almost always don’t see enough of a difference between the cheaper brands to buy that again. 

I posted a selfie last night after I just put on my makeup. It always looks best in the first 10 minutes. I go out and eat and drink and sweat and its rare i come back home looking as pretty as I started.

I dont generally take makeup with me. I put it on and I go out and it fades away or it doesn’t. Sometimes I’ll take lipstick if i know im gonna be eating. Even my lipstick I need to wear lighter lip liners now because it settles in my fine lines and wrinkles I didnt even know were there.

I don’t mind looking more natural. I feel like it’s a visual sign to people that I’m more real than the other girls. I like to think that’s true. 

I dye my hair a lighter color than i did when i was younger too. its subtle but it makes a difference and keeps you younger looking. 

Most guys one or two years younger than me look and act about 10 years older than me and are in shock and disbelief when i correct them for talking to me like I’m too young to remember things they do. I’ll swear to them I’m older than they are. I can win drinks that way if I make bets before I show em my drivers licence. 

I really think a lot of it is because women my age who look good lie about their age. Because they can get away with it. So no one knows what women my age actually look like anyway. That’s why everyone thinks I’m in my late 30s/early 40′s.

When I *was* in my 30′s people guessed my age at 3 years older than they were. No matter what age they were. 

Last time I told a guy how old I was he was really confused. He’s known me for years. One of the first conversations we had was about how I was way older than he was thinking I was. I knew how old he was but he lied to me and made himself 10 years younger. Thinking I was about 10 years younger than him and I’d be more interested if he were of similar age. Which effectively made him too young for me. I told him what was what. Cause I’m like that. and he was all noooooooo can’t be.. and i guess he forgot about it cause it was all new to him all over again a few weeks ago. 

I don’t mind being old. Younger guys are into it so there’s no issue there but I do have this weird fear that I’m about to cross the 50 threshold and its all over for me after that. It’s probably not true but I do feel like there’s a limit to how old an older woman can get and still be considered sexy. 

I don’t know what I do after that. Once I get too old. I’m sure I’ll still be cute and fun and I’ll still do stuff but I think there’s a point when you get old when people think you’re “spunky”, but not “sexy” anymore.

So I’m kinda milking the sexy older woman stereotype while I still can cause I think im nearing the end of my shelf life with that. 

But truthfully the “sexy older woman” isn’t really me. I’m not that into cougaring anyone. The boys want me to. Cause they’ve got some fantasy about that, but it’s not who I am or what I do or what I’m looking for in a relationship. 

Because when it comes right down to it, That’s really just them wanting to use me for sex while imagining that *I’m* using *them* for sex. 

I’m in a good place right now. I have a good life and I like where I’ve landed. My cute little house, my two perfect kitty cats who at the moment aren’t causing me any issues, my job I actually like for clients i get along with and lots of cats and dogs to pass my work days with. I like my city and I’ve made some friends here I trust and care about. 

I don’t feel like I have any old issues or baggage outstanding. I’ve dealt with my shit and I’ve framed everything in a good way. I feel like I’ve said what I’ve needed to say to who I’ve needed to say it to. I’ve learned from my mistakes and I’m working on not repeating them. I’m not self-destructive and I try to be a good supportive friend for people. I’m not perfect but I try and I think I get it more right than wrong most of the time these days. 

So life is grand and I’m gonna be 50 in four more months.

I never knew what that would look like for me. 

I feel like a lot of the things I used to be sad about or worry about don’t matter so much anymore. Like I’ve learned to let things go better. Not just grudges. I never put a lot of faith in other people’s expectations of me so those things never weighed heavily on me, but I think I had some of my own that I haven’t been able to get right yet. I’ve only recently given myself permission to be happy anyway and I’ll either get there or I won’t. 

They say life begins at 40. When I turned 40 I kind of expected some magical change to occur. I even moved cities and tried to affect the change myself but i can’t say there ever really was one. 

but somewhere inbetween 40-50 I learned to be less hard on myself. I fixed one problem at a time until there were more things right in my life than wrong with my life. And then things were pretty good. 

as I approach the 50 mark, it seems like most things are pretty good. Best life I’ve lived ever. Thank goodness. It feels like a relief. To be able to sit in my living room and feel like everything is good. 

Not perfect but good. 

I wear less makeup and I dye my hair a lighter color. I’ve softened a lot of my edges metaphorically as well. It’s a better look all around when you’re older.

[blackthornass]

Do you have any art tips?

Uhhhhhh Funk im not The Greatest Artist ™ but I’ll try to bestow some Wisdom on you. Keep in mind Art is Subjective and I’m no expert and all that so take everything with a grain of salt but that being said I’ll try to give u Tips and Tricks

-listen so if you have a boring class at school just draw in it. School is great because you have 1. Access to paper at all times 2. Incredibly boring lectures. If you have a study hall that’s the Drawing JACKPOT. Basically what I’m saying is practice all the time when you have energy but like that’s such boring art advice. It’s important but “practice! uwu” is like what people with Natural Art Talent say when they didn’t have to figure everything out from the ground up so it’s kind of aggravating

-There’s gonna be people better than you. Chances are you have a friend who’s better than you because this is Tumblr we all draw. Try Not To Compare Yourself ™ which idk how to do but it’s bad don’t do it

-unless you find a terrible person with worse art than you in which case FUCK DUDE COMPARE YOURSELF TO THEM! THEYRE HORRIBLE AND THEY CANT DRAW FOR SHIT LOOK WHOS LAUGHING NOW!

-“work until your idols become your rivals” is absolute bullshit because your idols are working at it at the same time you are. You fool. You imbecile. I feel like this works better for writing when your idols can become irrelevant or straight up die between you being an aspiring author 8 year old and a tired 30 year old who just wrote The Great American Novel ™ or just kind of. Leave the fandom if you’re writing fanfic. Anyway

-ok that’s all the preachy shit, time for Real Art Advice ™. Keep in mind I do digital cartoony shit with Strong Lineart and cel shading for the most part and I pretty much only draw people so my knowledge is limited to that. if you wanna be a professional artist maybe do other things and Expand your Abilities ™

-Ok first off if you’re using Gimp or Photoshop please love yourself and download Firealpaca or illegally torrent Paint Tool Sai or something. I swear by Firealpaca it cured my depression but like. Photoshop is Trash for drawing. Get Firealpaca it has Line Correction ™

-Keep Line Correction ™ at like. A 5 when you’re sketching and at a 19 (the maximum) when you’re lining, coloring, shading, highlighting, doing literally anything that isn’t sketching

-Sketching digitally can be hard if you’re used to sketching on paper and I find it easier to do a sketch on paper, take a picture of it on my phone or scan it, and line/color it digitally. You do you and figure out what works best

-speaking of which I refused to use sketchbooks until I was Worthy ™ of not drawing on notebook paper and uhhhhhh that’s dumb just get a sketchbook they cost a little more than a notebook at Target it’s not super expensive. Although if you’re not financially in the position to buy a sketchbook anyway, just hoard notebooks from school that you didn’t use much. Bam, that’s your new sketchbook

-the Head Circle Cross Thing and the Spheres For Shoulder, Elbow, and Wrist Thing are good and important and will save you

-hands are hard so use references but bullshit your way through it. eventually they’ll look good (I haven’t gotten there yet)

-HAVE FUN WITH NOSES OH MY GOD. Noses are super fun and cool because there’s, like, infinite variety with them, they can be as long or short, thin or thick, rounded or pointy as you want, you can make them be, like, triangles or circles or more squareish or diamond-shaped, the base of the nose can be about as high or as low on the face as you want, you can make the nostrils prominent or not really there at all, they can add another Layer to a character’s design, oh my goodness noses are so fun. They’re like, severely underrated and oh my god I could gush about how fucking fun noses are

-same with facial expressions. Where you put the pupils and how big they are, how much of the eye is covered by eyelids, the way the eyebrows are, the mouth, tons of other shit. There’s loads of variety and so much you can do and honestly having fun with the facial expression is The Best Part. There’s tons of Face Art Chart Memes floating around, you know the ones, save it to your phone/computer and practice those on your own time it’s fun

-if you don’t know how to do something, avoiding it won’t help you. Just kind of draw around with it in your sketchbook or in a “I’m not posting this” file until you feel confident enough to do it in your Real Projects ™.

-Ok for lining did you know..… it isn’t illegal to erase parts of the lineart to clean it up.… just be careful and draw it back in to the best of your abilities if you erase too far and use a smaller eraser brush/lining brush for this… I know it’s tedious nobody likes lining it’s okay you can do this put on some good music

-use mcfucking references

-eyedrop character’s official colors but adjust said colors based on the color of your background to make them look less funky is my general rule for clothing, I usually pick the hair/skin by myself or from something I’ve already drawn though

-for flats, make sure your lineart is all closed off and there aren’t any “holes” cuz that’ll mess up your coloring

-so how I do flats is I use the magic wand tool to select whatever I want to color, expand selection 3 pixels (in firealpaca you can set it to do this automatically), pick the color I need, turn up the brush to as big as possible, and color it in. It saves the time you’d spend with cleaning up where the color gets outside the lines

-you can do the flats on one layer, but I personally like to do every Object on a different layer so when I do shading, I know what goes on top of what

-if a color is darker than the lineart it looks ugly so pick your line color with caution (or just use black! Unlike shading black lineart tends to go with pretty much everything)

-SHADE YOUR GODDAMN ART. Like, what makes people go “wow holy shit that’s good!” is the shading + highlights, don’t be lazy ya fuck.

-I’d take a break before shading to Refresh Your Eyes ™ but also I constantly forget this is a good idea

-don’t shade with black oh my god. Unless you’re doing Strong Punchy Dramatic Stuff or monochrome black and white stuff, don’t shade with black, and if you’re doing that it’ll probably be drawn into the lineart. Don’t shade with black please we can tell you’re doing it and it looks bad

-highlighting with white isn’t too bad though, especially with the eyes, but it might look too strong in some places

-As a general rule, shading is darker and more saturated, highlighting is lighter and less saturated. Whether it gets warmer or cooler depends a lot on what color or thing you’re shading or what you want the feel of the picture to be and I’m not 100% sure how to do it myself so uh. Trust your gut and change the color if it looks wrong I guess.

-where exactly the shadows or highlights fall depends on lots of things, just kind of. Look at how things work irl maybe? This is the kind of thing that you just have to practice, and it’ll look like shit until suddenly it doesn’t sorry I’m not sure what to say

-One Medium Sized White Dot on a layer above the lineart where the pupil borders the Iris (or the whites of the eyes if you’re like me and you make the pupil and Iris one thing) works for a glint in the eye that makes a person look less dead and more cute. How big you’re gonna make it depends on how adorable you want the person to be

-SMOOTH BORDERS FOR THE SHADING ARE REALLY IMPORTANT IF YOURE DOING CEL SHADING which is why firealpaca is my best friend thanks line smoothing. If you’re doing like. Soft shading or painterly shit or other kinds of shading it’s less Super Important but like. Still be sort of neat. Unless being really messy and sketchy is what you’re going for but even then you still need to be sort of careful

-for simple backgrounds, it’s like. Easy to make it interesting. Add polka dots to the background or a big old square or a gradient or a cloud filter or something the possibilities are endless. Another option is to straight up make it transparent and write a secret message in white on the side. But uhh never do a blank white background at the very least fill it with a solid color

-ok style is kind of hard because I never had to struggle to find my style? I just “drew in my handwriting” so to speak and then if along the way I realized something looked shitty I just changed how I drew it slightly? I guess a thing you could do if you’re in tune enough is look at the styles of things you do like and things you don’t and figure out why you do and don’t like it. “I like how *2010s cartoon* does Eyes!” great take that general concept. “I hate how this shitty yaoi has enormous hands!” great then don’t do that. It’s all Personal Preference my dude style is Your Own Thing

-notes aren’t everything but fuck do they feel nice. Self reblogs are fine but don’t overdo it, I’d say reblog it Twice to account for time zones and tag it as self reblog so as to not be a dick

This got long whoops. That’s all I can think of but I hope this helps it’s All I Know