#i think i’ll finish going through it now and leave the bibliography for tomorrow

[neixins]

i’m afraid i’ll have to finish my thesis tomorrow after all 😔

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

Update and a few asks

Hi everyone!

I’ve FINALLY posted an annotated bibliography for Baghdad Waltz. Thanks to those of you who requested and encouraged me to do it. It’s not entirely comprehensive, but I tried to pick the works that were most influential and probably the most helpful for everyone. 

I’m still very steadily cranking away on my newest fic How You Leave, and it’s completely strange to be writing ahead of my posting schedule (though I suppose that’s what happens when you don’t write 32k word chapters). This fic is HARD. But I’m very glad I’m writing it, and I’m so happy to have a small but mighty cohort of readers who are trusting me to take them on this journey. 

So, because How You Leave has been so difficult, I decided to accept an April Fool’s Day challenge from @licketysplittt​, who sent me the picture below and dared me to write a Stucky story based on it:

Needless to say, writing a “fun” one-shot is something of a foreign concept to me, but challenge accepted! The Premise: Yuppie liberal Steve Rogers moves to Daytona Beach, FL from NYC and decides to buy a gun from die-hard libertarian Army vet Bucky Barnes. Shenanigans ensue. Stay tuned!

Now some asks:

Thank you so much for the very kind words. I’ve been flat out horrible about working through BW comments, though I’m trying to get to a few every week (mostly because I’m blessed with so may long, beautiful comments that I want to answer thoughtfully, which does take time). I miss BW Bucky and Steve very much, and I’m so glad when people feel similarly attached to them. I’m also happy that it was a powerful emotional experience for you. I’m still not sure if I’ve fully recovered, lol [sob] 

It’s funny you say this, because one of the reasons I’ve had such a hard time coming back to the annotated bibliography is that there’s a visceral *UGH* I feel whenever I see anything about BW. I think diving into a new story so fast was my way of avoiding some of the emotional processing I needed to do (fortunately, there’s plenty of space there for me to feel sads). Because yes, BW is sad. But I’m happy that the story and the ending felt realistic to you. I also like the idea that they do the work they need to do to heal, not only from their trauma/grief but also from the damage this relationship has caused them. I think of it as a reset button, a process that could allow them to come back together in another way at another time and be really damn good with each other, whatever form their relationship takes. I’m just such a fundamental optimist that I can’t really see it cynically. I don’t even know how these people would not be in each other’s lives, somehow. Some way. Thank you so much for the kind words!

Thanks for asking these!

You mean a straight-up happy ending, like ride off into the uncomplicated sunset happy? I’ll never say never, but probably not. Those aren’t the stories I like to read, and they’re not the ones I want to tell. I just can’t do it, because I can’t buy into it. I appreciate an ending that has happy elements and some undertones of loss or uncertainty, which is so much more consistent with real life. I think this is based on the fact that I come to fandom not for escapism but for raw and honest storytelling. This means that I’m more often than not barking up the wrong tree, because so many people come to fandom because life is a little too raw and honest and they want a place with the endings people don’t get often in the real world. I totally respect that and think fandom is a great place for this. But to illustrate this difference, one of my most aversive fic experiences would be to read something that’s high angst, high stakes, high emotion and then... they get married and live happily ever after. I know a lot of people are the exact opposite! But fortunately, there is literally something for everyone in a fandom as vast as Stucky.

As for publishing BW, yeah, after I finish How You Leave, I’m going to start pivoting seriously to original work in traditional publishing. So I’m not sure how much more time I’ll have to devote to fandom writing after that, though I imagine I may push out one-shots or brief multi-part fics if there’s something I’m just dying to do. The problem is that, in order to publish something like BW, I need higher word count than any agent or publisher would give to a first time writer. So I need to try to get something shorter published so that I can establish a track record of marketability, which may increase my chances of publishing BW in a form I’d be pleased with. These are all wildly improbable things, so I’m pushing forward with few expectations that’ll I succeed in getting anything published. At least I like my day job lol! But I did say I was an optimist, so I’m going to give it my best shot. 

For those of you following How You Leave, I’ll have another chapter out today or tomorrow. I hope you’re all doing well!

[cynergy-laughter]

Obey Me! One Master To Rule Them All! Fic #2

Working Dinner ([MC] x Satan) (Tickle fluff fic!) (Slight angst...?)

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You had just gotten back from your classes at RAD, and after being swindled out of some pocket money by Mammon, you decided to head straight home to the House of Lamentation.

You got out of your uniform and into your comfy clothes and proceeded to walk through the house, to look for something to do, or someone to hang out with. Lucifer had stayed behind to discuss stuff with Diavolo, Asmo was currently shopping with Beel with a promise of a free mid-meal at Hell’s Kitchen before dinner tonight. You didn’t know where Mammon was, and he was very lucky that you didn’t. Leviathan’s door was closed and you could hear a bit of commentary from the Avatar of Envy himself. Probably live-streaming.

You walk around to the library and see someone sitting on the sofa with piles of research materials and books stacked on the coffee table. And who was sitting and overlooking this massive stretch of knowledge other than the Avatar of Wrath, Satan. He looked deep into what he was doing, so you decided to not disturb him… not without an offering for this powerful demon.

You went into the kitchen and began to make some tea. You wonder what tea would be perfect for concentration and focus, but you decided to make some tea that complimented the snacks you bought before Mammon took the rest of your money. After you finished brewing it, you put the teapot, cup with saucer, and snacks on a serving tray you found in one of the cupboards and began to slowly make your way back to the library, it was pretty heavy, but you managed. You walked into the library, to which Satan turned his head with your presence.

“Hmm? Oh, [MC]... what’s all that?” Satan asked, blinking at the array you brought in.

“I was passing through, and noticed you were hard at work, so I decided to surprise you with a little snack and tea… umm, I hope you don’t mind.” You say with a blush and an adorable smile.

Satan gave a small appreciative smile and nodded once. “Well, thank you for this, if only my brothers were as thoughtful as you…” he said as you set, or tried to set the tray down, but there wasn’t any immediate place to put it. “Oh just put it down over there.”

You put it down and went over to Satan, and looked down at his materials. “What are you working on, by the by?”

“I’m doing a research paper on the history of the Devildom in relation to the human world. I always found it fascinating that the House of Lamentation used to be a human world landmark, and was trying to spot similarities of other landmarks here.” Satan explained, a glint of excitement in his eye.

“Ah… that’s pretty cool… wait, isn’t that your big research paper that’s due to Diavolo in about 2 months?” You asked, crossing your arms.

“Yes, I like to get my assignments over and done with as soon as possible.” Satan said, sipping his tea, “Mmm, very good choice of tea.”

“Oh thank you… w-wait, when did Diavolo give you that task? One… two… maybe three days ago?” You tilt your head a bit.

“... He assigned it to me today, during our student council meeting.” Satan said as he began to write down references in bibliography format.

“Satan… you better not over work yourself… it’s due in 2 months, you’ve got time.” You pouted.

“I know, but why put off something today that you’ll regret tomorrow?” Satan shrugged as he kept writing.

“I mean… I guess, but just remember to take breaks…” you said.

“I’ll be fine, I appreciate the concern, but you don’t need to worry about me.” Satan reassured. “It’s nothing I haven’t done before.”

“Excuse me?” You questioned, raising a brow.

“I said it’s nothing. I thank you for the snack and tea, but I have to get back to work…” Satan snapped almost immediately, shooing you away. He obviously didn’t think you would catch that.

And that was it, you reluctantly left Satan to his research, feeling a bit bad, maybe you had annoyed him. Maybe he was right, maybe he did have this. Later that night, at dinner, you noticed that everyone except Satan had joined at the dining table.

“Hey… where’s Satan?” You ask Lucifer.

“He said he had important business to attend to, and that he’ll eat later.” Lucifer said before taking a bite of his food.

“Huh? He’s having a working dinner again? I swear his work habits have got to be bad for your skin…” Asmo sighed a bit.

“He does this a lot, I’m surprised he doesn't do a working breakfast. Could you imagine, falling asleep at your workspace only to wake up to your work unfinished, and unfulfilled? Heh, cause I can’t.” Mammon said as he was eating.

“That wouldn’t be fun at all, but at least his body makes him sleep.” Belphegor shrugged.

“And to not eat while keeping up a work streak too… I couldn’t do it.” Beel said, munching away at what would usually be considered leftovers in the human world.

“I’ve fallen asleep playing a game before… I was mad because I had accumulated 10 hours of just idle game time, I was so mad…” Levi groaned, playing with his food a bit.

“Don’t worry [MC], just let him do his work, the sooner he gets that paper to Diavolo, the sooner he can try to get back on his sleep track.” Lucifer reassured you, but you couldn’t be reassured, you’ve seen what overworking does to a person, you’ve experienced it in junior high. You wouldn’t stand for it, you had to do something to knock some sense into Satan.

Later, after dinner was finished by Beel, you were left to do the dishes, it was hell, but you somehow did it. You went over to the library in order to confront Satan.

“Satan… I need to talk to you…” You said as you trailed off, you saw he had a new cup near him on a spare space of the coffee table. “Is that coffee?”

Satan’s head turned suddenly at the question. “No, it’s black tea with cream and sugar.”

“Satan… I made coffee for my dad plenty of times, I know coffee when I smell it. And you know you’re a tea taker more than you are a coffee drinker. Which brings me to my point… You need to eat and you need to rest.”

“I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine. I promise, I’ll eat.” Satan reassured. Suddenly, you just see a stack of books in front of where your serving tray was. You walk around the sofa and behind the stack of books.

“Your tea is ice cold, and… where are your snacks?” You turned to Satan, going from behind the books and put your hands on your hips. “Did you give them to Beel?”

Satan was caught, he didn’t know why you would be so concerned about him, none of his brothers were, but this situation was certainly very different, it felt like being scolded by a parent. “I’ll neither confirm nor deny that question, please go on to bed.”

“Oh no you don’t, not until I see you eat, and actually eat.” You said, walking over to him, but it happened so fast, Satan stood up and grabbed you by your arm and leg and put you to the floor.

“Or you’ll what, human? I keep saying I appreciate your concern, but now I’m losing my patience with you. If I don’t eat something, then you’ll what?” Satan said with a scowl on his face.

You were a bit scared at how quickly Satan set you down, but you had a secret weapon, and he should have known better than to pin only one of your arms down.

“Well… then you leave me no choice… I have to punish you.” You say, and you suddenly get a devilish glint in your eye. Satan was confused a bit, but when it started happening, Satan had already realized his mistake too late. You reached your free arm up and squeezed Satan’s side, making him squeak uncharacteristically and fall away from your assault.

“N-NoHO! Okay, you made your point, I’ll go eat something…” Satan said, trying to get up and go to the kitchen, as if that would somehow appease you. But he fell back onto the floor with another yelp when you grabbed at his ankle and pulled.

“Ohohoh no no no, we’re way past that point, and since you wanna go and make some threats, how about I follow through with my own threat~?” You say, whenever you got into the tickling mood, nothing could stop you. You pulled Satan closer to you by his ankle and began to tickle his knees, behind and fronts~.

“No! No! NOHOHOHO! Cehease! CEEEEHEHEHEASE!” Satan tried to incur his wrath, but he couldn’t, his laughter and fighting to get away from his assailant overcoming him. But in honesty, he saw where you were coming from. And he couldn’t get mad at you for your wanting to make sure he was okay.

“Nuh-uh. Not until you apologize to me for threatening me~.” You winked as you began to straddle Satan’s waist, squeezing his thighs playfully before the squeezing migrated to his hips and sides.

“NOOHOHOHOHO! Get-GEHET OFF OF MEEEHEHEHE!” Satan squeals as his hips and sides are squeezed and then his arms shot down when you got to his armpits!

“Oh no, my hands are stuck, whatever shall I do~?” You tease in a monotonous voice as your hands are trapped in Satan’s pits, but that didn’t stop you from wiggling your hands within them.

Satan really didn’t want to be here forever, cause his pits were a maddening spot, he didn’t want to raise his arms, but he didn’t want to let you go in fear of you getting at a worse spot. “PLEHEHEASE DOHOHOHON’T! AHAHAHAHA! STOHOHOP!” He suddenly shot his arms back up as he held onto the carpet, so your hands could move.

“Hehe, ‘don’t stop~?’ Well then, I guess I won’t anytime soon~.” You tease as you lift Satan’s shirt up and expose his abs and stomach. “Hehe, I absolutely love it, you could crush someone’s head with your thighs while reading an encyclopedia, just because you can.” You say as you lower your head down and blew a raspberry into his abs and navel, earning you an octave you’ve never heard from Satan.

“GAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA! STA-STAHAHAP! Okay! OKAY YOU MADE YOUR POIHIHIHINT! I’M SORRYYYY! *snort* PLEHEASE I’VE HAD ENOHOHOUGH!” Satan flailed and blushed a bit when he snorted. But he finally apologized!

You smile as you stopped tickling and straddled his waist, just looking down at Satan with pleading eyes. “Please… take a break… you have been working so hard, you deserve it. I mean, you’ve made a whole two page bibliography of references, that’s a good start.” You say after Satan calmed down from his giggling and panting.

“... Heh… are you sure you’re a human, [MC]? Cause… you’re as devious as a demon… that was a dirty trick…” Satan panted a bit, blushing as he looked up at you.

“No, I’m a human, as far as I can tell.” You said, and then gave Satan a kiss. Now you both were blushing.

“Heheh… you really are something else… Fine, I’ll take my break… but I’m taking it with you.” Satan said as he sat up so you both were face to face.

“Hehe, deal.” You say as you helped Satan up and went with him to make dinner for him, and a second dinner for yourself.

It must have been a good break because Beel woke up early to see if there was any inspiration for breakfast, he passed the library and noticed you and Satan asleep together on the sofa. Beel smiled and moved quickly to get a blanket for you both, draping it over you both before snagging up the plates and began to lick them clean as he continued on toward the kitchen.

[charlies-crashcourses]

Charlie’s College Crash Course #1: How to write a 10-page paper in 1 day

Background info first: I’m in the last year of my English undergrad degree and I’ve had to write at least 3 dozen 10+ page papers in that time. That being said, I’ve never once started writing a paper more than a few days in advance, and 9 times out of 10 I go for one day only. Honestly, this should be considered my trademark at this point because after all my high school AP courses and my English degree, it’s been going on 7 years of 1 day papers.

and so, dear friends, I would like to pass on this skill to you all. I should mention, none of this will work if you’re not already pretty solid on paper writing, i.e. if you only ever get C’s on your papers now this isn’t magically going to get you up to an A with one day. This is just to streamline the process, allowing for more time for other things or, more commonly, allowing you to not freak the fuck out when you realize the deadline is tonight at midnight and you’ve procrastinated all month on the final paper for your class.

(I should also mention that I’m currently procrastinating a 2.5k word paper due tomorrow night that I’ve only read one of two books for, so. There’s that.)

Anyway, without further ado, here we fucking go:

Step 1: Prep for the Day

this is going to be a marathon, not a sprint, so make sure you prep the day accordingly. Ideally, you’d wake up before noon, make sure there’s nothing else planned for the day, and tell your roommates/parents to leave you alone until you officially reemerge at midnight (or, if you’re in college and have a 24 hr library, try going there. Mine has closed off study rooms that I can chill in, but if you’rs doesn’t just find a relatively comfy quiet spot). If you’re at home, pick one spot, clear it off super quick, grab some snacks and energy drinks, make sure you have everything charged and ready to go. I don’t recommend cafes or the like simply because there’s lots of distractions and also those places close before midnight, so you can’t stay there the entire time and therefor waste time moving halfway through.

Also, I would recommend taking a break between all the steps after this one. Don’t let the break take too long, but just long enough to walk the block, or grab another snack, or do some stretches, or watch a ten minute video, something like that. I personally never break at a natural stopping point, because then I’ll never get back to it, but how you break is up to you.

Step 2: Preliminary Research

now normally I do some preliminary research beforehand. Basically looking into the topic, figuring out generally what resources would be best, etc. That can usually be done in five to ten minute bursts throughout the week or so before the due date, whenever the topic comes to mind.

But then again, I’ve also procrastinated that until the very end as well, so. Usually all that takes if you go for the day of is some quick google scholar searches, or if you have access to the MLA database that works as well. Or, if you’re more like me, you could just deep dive on wikipedia and check out what relevant facts pertain to what numbers in the bibliography, then go ahead and cite those wherever possible.

Basically, get a good base knowledge of the big facts. This step should be quick and dirty. For instance, for my paper my sophomore year on Robespierre (14 pages written in a record 6 hours) I combed through his wiki, some websites on the French Revolution, and watched the Crash Course youtbue video on the subject. The rest of the research was done after I did my first outline. 

Step 3: Outline #1

This is just a basic “What the fuck am I talking about” outline. It can be bullet points, numbers, stream of consciousness, i don’t care as long as it works for you. 

For the Robespierre paper, my first outline was something to the effect of: -born poor -school -elected to govt -took over govt -killed people -got killed

and that was it. It’s like, before you build a house you have to clear off the right amount of land, make sure there’s nothing in your way, and give yourself a vague area in which to build. Super simple stuff.

I did get some advice, from somewhere I can’t remember, that a paragraph is basically equal to half a page, and so (excluding one page length for your intro + conclusion) you should have around two paragraphs or ideas per page. So my outline above would need some more points, there, to keep me on track for my page count. I eventually added a whole paragraph about how he was chosen to read for a visiting King Louis at his school and was then ignored which made him hate the monarchy, and another about what happened after he died what with the government in shambles, etc etc. So two bullet points per page should do it.

Step 4: More Research

This is where you get a little more in depth. Look at your bullet points and learn everything you need to about them. 

For my first bullet, I found stuff like: “Robespierre was born in France in 1758 as Maximilien François Marie Isidore de Robespierre (the third of this name), to a lawyer and the daughter of a brewer, he had two siblings, and he could read by age eight. he also loved pigeons and started a lifelong feud with his sister over one that he gave her that she let die."

and then I would move on to the next bullet point, and so on and so forth, filling in the gaps. Make sure to keep track of where your info comes from, as well. It doesn’t have to be a full citation, but just the hyperlink after the fact is going to save you so much time, i promise

Pro Tip: don’t throw out anything as irrelevant just yet. Just gather all the facts, no judging. Trust me on this.

Step 5: Better Outline

this is where you start to have fun with it. I would like to remind you that no one, unless you have some crazy micromanaging professor, sees your outlines. This is for you and you only, so write it in whatever way makes sense to you. It can be colorful and fun and whatever you need it to be.

 I actually took screenshots of my outline for that robespierre paper (hence why i chose that one as an example) so here’s a look at what I do:

so, really, honestly, as shitty as you need this to be, or as many jokes, or whatever works for you my dude. Explain it like you would if it were a story you were telling, not a biographical/argumentative paper. Get informal with it.

Step 6: Write the Damn Thing

Okay to now that you did the research and wrote your fun outlines and all that, all you have to do now is write it! I tend to do this in the same doc as I do my outline, but starting again from the top so I can see what I need to add next right under where I’m typing, then delete it once I’ve covered the material. 

If you did your outline well, this is really just cleaning that up so it’s “school appropriate” and “not an affront to people’s eyes and sensibilities” or whatever. At this point, it should go super quick, maybe 2 hours max to finish up writing what you need to write, here.

Pro Tip: do your citations as you go. Better yet, make your bibliography first so that A its already done and B you know what your in text cites will be from the start so that you don’t have to add them in later. If you kept your hyperlinks next to your research, just open up citationmachine and get those cites, then replace the links in your outline with the actual citations so it’s easier to line them up with in text cites while you go

Step 7: Fudging

oh, you thought we were done after writing the paper? nah fam. Chances are, you didn’t hit the page count you wanted to, you’re probably around 1 full page short, unless you love long sentences. This is where my pro tip from all the way back on step 4 comes in.

First, before you do anything drastic, make sure your formatting is correct. If your prof wants the big long “name, date, class, assignment, etc” in the top left then that adds a lot of length. Fonts will also change your page length, and so will footnotes and citations.

If you did it right and saved all the less relevant details, congratulations! Just sprinkle a few of those in there and you’re magically at your page count. This is the only reason I included the pigeon story in my paper (and this post), because I was about 3/4 of a page short of passably saying I got to 14.

If you didn’t save those inane details, don’t go looking for them now. Trust me, it’s much more pain than it’s worth. Your best bet, then, would be to either A. Add one more point if you can think one up, B. do some more research for relevant details to add in, or C. expand on the details you already have with more examples or effects or whatever applies.

do not, i repeat do NOT, just try and expand the words you use, like changing “to” into “in order to” or whatever those deflate your phrases charts tell you Not to do. They tell you not to for a reason. 1. it sounds stupid adding them in after the fact, and 2. your professor absolutely 100% will know and will mark you down if you do that in excess. Inflated phrase charts like that are well known by professors, and also adding them in after the fact won’t fit in at all with the voice that the rest of your paper was written in, so it’ll stand out like a sore thumb. just don’t do it unless it’s your last possible “i have ten minutes to turn this in” effort.

Step 8: Celebrate!!

And that’s it! If you did it right, this whole process should have taken you around the equivalent of 1 hour per page you had to write or so, so in a regular twelve hour day you’ve got time to take breaks and eat and all that shit. Go turn it in and celebrate your victory!

[footballfangurl]

8. Seductive kiss - Julian Draxler

Words: 847

Please let me know what you think. The quality could be a little bit worse than usual but I’m sick, so sorry xx

 "Come to bed," Julian whispered in your ear, pressing a soft kiss just beneath it before he continued to trail his lips down the side of your neck. You leaned your head to the side a little bit, so he could access your neck easier, but you didn't take your eyes off the screen in front of you. This paper really needed to be finished by tomorrow and as per usual, you still hadn't finished it yet. Procrastination really wasa bitch.

 "Please?" Julian asked sweetly, his face appearing next to yours as he rested his chin on your shoulder. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him frowning at the computer screen and he sighed, “You need a break occasionally, you know. Studying constantly isn't good for you."

 "Oh, and whose fault is it that I have to finish this paper now? If I recall correctly, you insisted on a break yesterday as well. And 1 hour turned into 2, and then 3, and before I knew it, it was midnight and my paper still wasn't finished." You said, turning your head sideways a little bit and raising your eyebrow. Julian grinned sheepishly and guiltily, shifting his body so that he was now kneeling next to your desk chair. He then placed his hand on your thigh, squeezing it softly.

 "Okay, yesterday was my fault but that doesn't change the fact that you need a break. You've been at it for 5 hours straight, now. Just let me take care of you for 30 minutes and then you can go back to writing." Julian proposed, looking into your eyes with a twinkle in his and it made you shake your head with determination, shifting your attention back to your computer but still very aware of his presence next to you.

 "It's gonna turn out the same way as yesterday, I just know it. And if I don't finish this paper now, I'm screwed." You answered, but not entirely being able to convince yourself of what you had said either. Really, you just needed to write your conclusion, your bibliography and adjust some details before you were ready. If you got up a little bit earlier on the morning, you supposed you could take a little break now…

 "Baby," Julian said, pressing his lips against your cheek, sweeping your hair away from where it was hung over your shoulder so that he could cup your neck properly. Glancing at him, you stilled your hands where they were still typing away on your keyboard and put one of them in your lap, the other one you lifted to caress the back of Julian's head, running your fingers through his hair. He trailed his lips softly over to yours, leaving little open-mouthed kisses across your skin, stopping when he reached the corner of your mouth.

 "Only 30 minutes, I promise. Just let me take care of you." Your boyfriend whispered and whilst he was talking, his other hand, which was still placed on your thigh, was edging upwards towards the area where you really wanted it to be. It had you squirming on the chair, trying to create some friction between your thighs and satisfy your quickly wettening core.

 Julian grinned against your skin, knowing exactly what effect he had on you, and stopped his hand where it had almost reached the zipper of your jeans. Instead, he pressed a kiss to your lips, "Come to bed with me. I'll do whatever you want me to."

 "Anything?" You whispered back, your eyes fluttering with the temptation of opening but eventually staying closed. You didn't even remember when they had closed but the feeling of his hands on your thigh, of his lips on your skin had felt so good that you weren't surprised. This was typical of Julian. He was so good at seducing you, at getting his way, that you couldn't even be mad at him. He knew exactly what to say and when to say it. He knew exactly where to put his hands and his lips to get you to give in to him. Part of you was curious about where he learned it but on the other hand, you didn't want to know. He was that good.

 "Anything."

 He leaned back the slightest bit, keeping your lips connected, which made you subconsciously follow him, not wanting to break the contact you had with him. His hand still cupped your neck and it guided you forwards as well. And when you finally were at the point of falling off your chair, Julian stood up, his hand on the back of your neck, his alluring lips making you do the same as well, and he scooped you up in his arms. You gasped loudly in surprise, which he used to his full advantage by invading your mouth with his tongue. Moaning softly, you wrapped both your arms around his neck and pulled him tighter to you as he walked over to the stairs to go to your bedroom.

 And as you had predicted, you were gone for longer than 30 minutes. 

tag list: @avsensio @antisocialfc @theblxefox @no-not-with-out-you @softstonsey

[cosmosogler]

i still haven’t found my social security card... anxious about that. i have a couple days though. but my apartment is not very big, so there are not a lot of choices about where it could be, and since it’s not in any of those places... hm. i hope i sent it home with mother back when i first moved here, if i do have it i can’t imagine why i didn’t put it with my other important papers and stuff. 

one of my classmates from undergrad is / has been homeless for a bit. it’s weird, how having one (or two) degrees in highly sought-after fields still just isn’t enough. i’m so relieved i have the job. i hope i can find the card... i hope that doesn’t cause problems. thinking about how narrowly i avoided homelessness, more than once this year, in different ways. i’ve spent days like that before, not an extended period of time, but god it’s so boring and lonely and uncomfortable and scary. 

i don’t quite do it justice in my comic. there’s a few parts of the story that i didn’t feel comfortable tackling until later, a few short stories based in the more fraught and uncertain time periods. one of those times is coming up, so i’ll have the opportunity to sit down and take a crack at it, to the extent of my new ability. 

i went out and got lunch at the indian place. it made me very sick, to the point where between the pain and nausea, and the anxiety of looking for that card, i was too tired to get over to the library to do any yoga today. my meds are still slowing me down mentally a bit too, not a lot but definitely noticeably. after dinner i sat down with the next scott mccloud textbook, “reinventing comics.” i got about 60 pages in, out of ~240. i was so tired tonight, and sore from sitting and reading for four hours yesterday haha. i’ll try to finish it tomorrow if i can. 

reading these textbooks (and combing through the bibliographies and recommendations with notes for later) has given me a lot of opportunity to think about my own craft. what’s most important to my story? why can it only be a comic and not any other medium? what am i going to do about those heckin panel borders? is that cramped style something i want to keep for this story the whole way through? is there a more effective way to go about that? without panel gutters, how can i signal scene changes or a significant passage of time? how much time and space should i leave between panels? is what i’m doing now working? 

just mechanics stuff like that. i know the answers to some of them. i feel like i’m close to others. but some of them i think are going to take years of practice to find a good answer, haha. i asked for feedback on twitter but i don’t expect to get any. might bring my “public” questions to the fandom discord. i will take some time to think about these concepts before i begin boarding arc 6, but i do need to get back to finishing the remaining arc 5 pages soon.

it’s fascinating how studying for fun without a grade or hard exact deadline attached makes it infinitely more enjoyable and understandable. 

i wish florida would just take your passport like so many other states. the social security card thing has turned into a huge-ass headache. i am genuinely worried about that, on top of the uncertainty about my insurance.

[fursasaida]

to do listing / general whining under the cut, go about your business

DONE SINCE OCTOBER 2ND:

finished a proposal draft, which took a year. i mean that literally. i have been working on this for a year.

crossed the atlantic ocean

set up a whole little temporary life around these archives

attended 6 classes (including the associated reading, assignments, etc; for remote sensing this entailed 100% teaching myself to do a bunch of stuff in ENVI because the assignment instructions are incomprehensible)

taught 2 classes (or 1? i honestly can’t remember)

spent 32.5 hours in the archive

graded 58 homework assignments

co-organized 5 or 6 conference sessions, depending how you count.

this included at least 4-6 strategy phone calls and literally uncountable emails

it also included handholding a grown man academically senior to me through the concept of writing a session abstract

it also means me and my co-organizer have hauled somewhere between 15 and 21 people into this conference with us (depending on whether the last stragglers come through with their registrations). all of whom had to be individually followed up with, questions answered, assurances given, updates broadcast, reminders reminded.

WHINING BREAK:

5 days ago the water in the apartment i’m staying in shut off. things have. deteriorated from there. i’ve at least secured a place to stay i can go to tomorrow that will give me some breathing room in a place i can actually SHOWER and FLUSH THE TOILET NORMALLY but like, between the tail end of the conference stuff, the news that i get more archive hours, and the ramping up of classwork etc, i did. not. need this. at all. i washed my hair in a mixing bowl using bottled water today. the amount of time i have spent:

getting to the shops in time to buy bottled water before they close

estimating how much water i need for what

rationing the water i have

prioritizing uses for rationed water

like the mental tax. the energy spent. THE DEHYDRATION LMAO. the fact that “given the circumstances, i should definitely make sure to poop at UNESCO” is a thought that has now crossed my mind. lord. i still don’t even know where i’ll be staying after sunday but at least i’ll have a better chance of figuring it out.

TO DO:

reading for Race in the Middle East (naturally this is an entire fucking book, again, and probably a chapter or article on top of that)

response for RitME

annotated bibliography for final paper for RitME (i already informed them this isn’t happening so. crossed off the list)

go to RitME actual class

attend “closed seminar” session for RitME on friday (already told them i “probably won’t make it,” aka go fuck yourselves)

teaching prep. naturally i’m having my observation on thursday. of course. (i picked this week for it because i figured i’d be settled in enough after the travel that it would be less stressful. hilarious.)

(i told my mom observation was this week and she just burst out laughing. yes exactly madam.)

teach

3 more archive sessions this week

remote sensing assignment

ideally, work out what data i need for final remote sensing assignment (lol)

meeting with advisor

find new place to live for after this week

buy train ticket for next city. figure out just like. how all that works

finish making a list of what i want to look at in the next archive

fill out form for next archive, scan

send that and list to archivist

bring the fury of god down upon the people in charge of this apartment and get a sizeable chunk of my fucking money back

^this entails figuring out how much time i want to give myself to come back here and move my stuff out slowly/clean up as best i can slowly; how much cleaning i ought to do vs. leave for them because this is not my fault (i can’t! clean! without water!); how many days i want to ask for a refund for; how quickly to involve a higher authority. i tried to think this out tonight and my poor battered brain just broke.

in theory this should all happen by monday.

[uni-life-tips]

Tackling Unproductivity

It's okay to feel unproductive and useless etc.

As a student there are going to be days where it feels like you just can't do anything right. You start the day by spilling your coffee all over something important, you're late to class or go to the wrong room or get all the way there only to hear that class is cancelled and you could/should have slept in etc. Most of all, there are going to be days where you set out to be productive and get your homework done...and none of that happens and you feel useless.

This happens to everyone and getting frustrated at yourself isn't going to do you any favors.

In most of my upper-year semesters this happened often. I'd get out from my last class of the week and tell myself I'm totally going to be productive. I make a list of all the assignments and readings I have to complete and prioritize them. Then I get home and think "I've been in-class all week. Time to relax. I'll get started on that list bright and early tomorrow morning". Then I start watching a movie or something and I can't enjoy it 'cuz I'm constantly thinking "hey...you need to do your homework". So I end up trying to do my homework (failing due to lack of motivation) and I end up just refreshing Youtube about 50+ times (I wish I were exaggerating) and browsing the "Recommended" videos for about 4 hours. Again, I wish I were exaggerating but this is literally how my days are in Uni and I hate it.

We've been discussing webpage designs in some of my classes and we've learned that webpages with endless scrolling or pages that show you something new each time you refresh are running on game/gambling theories. People get addicted to the chance of something interesting happening with the next one. If you just keep scrolling you'll eventually find something interesting; if I just refresh Youtube again I'll find something interesting. Sound's kinda harmless...right? Well, replace "refresh" with "put in another quarter" and "Youtube" with "slot machine". Ta-Dah! This is how web-pages capitalize on addictive personalities and whatever else. This is why it's so freaking hard for me to just get off of Youtube and be productive. Next thing I know it's Monday, I've got to get to class, I have done absolutely none of my assignments or readings, but I now know how to wash and butcher 20 different fish for sashimi...as if I'm going to be able to get a fish on a student-budget living inland.

I've had entire weeks/months of this. This is where "good stress" comes in. I wouldn't have finished a draft of my paper if the deadline weren't 9 hours from the time I started. Yeah, I was supposed to start a month ago but I gave into the trap of constantly refreshing Youtube.

There's no easy answer and relying on deadlines to light a fire under your ass doesn't always work out and it's a horrible strategy. My strategies might not work for you, but if you're willing to read on then you'll find some of the ways I've tried that get me to be somewhat productive:

1) Get out of your room. Being alone in your room gives you the freedom to goof-off or go online. Your gaming systems are probably there. Your art-supplies, the bed, etc. Don't sit in a room full of temptations and expect that you won't be tempted to do something fun rather than study. If you don't need the internet or your computer or whatever else for a particular part of your academic work (e.g. readings either for a class or for a paper) then take what you need, leave everything else, and find somewhere else with fewer distractions to do the thing and don't let yourself go home until you finish it. It could be somewhere as close as your dining room table, or outside of your living area entirely: Univerity library, a food court, a random area where you can sit and be alone with your readings etc. Personally, I tend to go to foodcourts or fast-food joints with self-serve soft-drinks. Self-serve usually means unlimited-refills so long as you and the cup remain in the establishment. So I order a meal and plop down to eat and go through my readings/assignments while getting the most out of the drink I paid for. Also, being out in public means I'm a lot less tempted to just watch youtube videos or something.

2) Prioritize. Make a list of the stuff you have to do in order of importance. Define "importance" however you wish. I usually go by whichever ones are "due" sooner. E.g. I have: readings for the class on Monday, mini-assignment for Wednesday's night class, studying for an exam on Tuesday morning, laundry (2 weeks overdue therefore you have 4 loads instead of 2), and a paper due on Thursday. I'll create a numbered list: 1) Readings for Monday 2) Study notes for exam, 3) Mini Assignment 4) Paper 5) Laundry (2 loads). Then I try to stick to that list as much as I can. I usually end up deviating and that's my next point.

3) If you're having trouble getting anything done and getting frustrated with yourself, step back. Ignore the priority order and pick on the shortest or easiest task on your list. Get that out of the way to give yourself the confidence boost of having completed something. Ride that sense of accomplishment and work your way up to the most difficult or complicated task on your list. It won't feel as intimidating if you're riding the positive feelings of completing something. This is why small tasks like laundry, cooking, or cleaning are important to include. If you can't handle your academics right now and feel useless, work on laundry or cleaning or whatever. Simple tasks that are hard to mess up. You'll feel better once you've accomplished something, no matter how small. Don't beat yourself up over not having been productive in the "right" ways--sometimes you just need to feel like you accomplished something. This is also why I end up having tons of sweets and baked goods made during Hell Week in University. I'm stressed out, there's way too many exams to study for and assignments due. I can't focus on any one thing long enough to complete it because all the other stuff is screaming at me and I feel worthless. I feel even worse about myself because I "escape" and decide to bake stuff or make sweets. Then I have a ton of sweets and nothing else done. I am frustrated with myself but I do have to admit that I needed a 'win' in that situation. I needed to feel some sense of accomplishment. I have no idea how to complete my paper or what to study for the exam(s) but I did know how to bake those cookies so I'll munch on those while I try to break down my academic tasks into more managable steps.

4) Break down your work into more managable steps. Telling yourself "Write paper" might not be enough motivation or information to help you figure out where to get started. Instead, if you have a rough outline of phrases or points or references you want to include in your introduction as opposed to your body paragraphs then that'll make producing the paper easier on you. Some people just can't get started on a blank document. It happens to the best of us. If it does then break down your paper into pieces. Introduction, point 1, point 2, point 3, discussion, limitations/other considerations, conclusion. Also, it's good practice to create your reference/bibliography sheet as you find the articles. It's better to have 13+ random articles cited properly from the get-go and choosing which to delete than having to go digging around the library for something someone else may have checked out or worse, trying to find the article again on some online database. Don't do that to yourself. Cite once, cite it properly, and move on.

5) Do something enjoyable. Go out with a friend, complain to each other about assignments, gossip, joke around, laugh with each other. Try some new food at a new place or something. Take advantage of the daily special at a pub. Do something fun to forget about the workload you have no idea how to tackle. This is especially good if you're in the process of brainstorming topics for a paper or if you've finished a draft of something. If you're trying to formulate a topic and thesis statement then taking a break and letting your ideas incubate for a while (subconsciously) is good. When you get back to it you'll either see an angle you never considered before, realize it won't work, or whatever else. All ideas look good in the moment when you come up with them, but give it time to simmer and you might realize it was garbage and you wasted time barking up that tree. Same principle with a draft of a paper. Take a break to forget about it so that you can lay fresh eyes on it when you get back. You'll see the holes in the flow of your argument. You'll better-spot typos. That time away with your friend(s) wasn't a waste, it was re-setting your brain and allowing you time away from your ideas/paper so that you didn't end up married to them and blind to the faults in them.

Good luck! Don’t stay frustrated at yourself. That solves nothing and makes you feel horrible. Find some way to break yourself out of the rut and force yourself to look at the up-sides rather than the negatives. It’s a cliche psychological trick that’s been done to death, but it does have some merit to it. If all you focus on are the negatives, that’s what you’re going to see more of. Look for the positives and choose to focus on that. Rather than be frustrated about not being productive in the “right” areas, look at what you did manage to accomplish. I have a mountain of academic work I have no idea how I’m going to tackle and I’ve got 3 things due in 9 hours. It’s daunting. I wanna cry. But I have freshly-baked, home-made chocolate chip cookies. It’ll be a long night and I’m not sleeping tonight and I’m probably going to have to ask for an extension or figure out which one of these assignments I’m going to take a fail in...but I have cookies.