#i think id love my city more if i spent more time on the bus system

[looselipssinkships-x]

okay but i forgot how ridiculously in love with public transportation i am?? like put me on a stupid little bus that only comes every half an hour if you're lucky and my silly little brain is still like yay!! adventure!! 🥰🥰🥰

it's pathetic really

[passingideasofaredballoon]

Change

I’m currently on the plane home after my first semester ended. It’s been a while since I’ve written something. Let’s write.

It’s been a while since my thoughts disappeared. I mean, I still have thoughts of course. Just not as many, and none as interesting as before. When I used to see people and wonder things about them, or take my own experience in my head and run it around in my brain until it meant something.

I think those parts of me had something to do with how I perceived time. I didn’t used to just experience moments, I used to know them. I used to think about them and collect them, grow them into experiences, and know them like a favourite book I’ve paged through a million times. Maybe my lack of memory, my feeling of just moving through the time, holding onto nothing, has something to do with this.

My first semester is over. Four months of a new life.

It’s wildly interesting to me because I’ve never had a new life before. For my entire existence, I’ve lived in the same place. With the same people, in the same room, looking out the same window every day. Going to the same place. I didn’t know it could all change so fast, and more than that, that it could all feel so normal so fast. This summer as I left, I piled my belongings into boxes full of junk I’d collected over the years. I placed it in a new room, wondering how I could ever feel home in a place that I didn’t grow up in, haven’t spent years in. But as I left my new room this morning, unplugging all the lights, I realized I’d miss it. I realized all my stuff lives somewhere else now. I thought of how quickly I moved in, wondering when I’d be able to get back home, and then suddenly it was like I’d lived there all my life.

Experiences are scary for me. Especially going through so many at once. I remember walking down the streets of Montreal the first time, as my parents told me to go pick up my student ID in August. I’d never walked down foreign city streets alone. Heart pounding. My first plane trip alone at Thanksgiving. I thought I’d have to be older to know how to do things like that, but suddenly, you realize you are older. And then it’s easy. These are things you’ve done all the time.

It’s weird how last year at this time, I spent the break dreading being alone. Writing grade 12 essays, hoping I could get someone to drive me to the pharmacy to pick up shampoo. I felt caged. I felt like nothing.

It frustrates me to look in the mirror and feel like nothing’s changed. To see my hair and my face. That I didn’t explode into some white swan over the four months I’ve been away. But I forget that I’m more now, because all the newness feels normal. Normal enough that I have to remind myself I wear sweaters I love and I picked out myself, ever day. And that I have a student ID, a little room key, for my own room, and a MTL metro card in the holder on the back of my phone. My card says “Faculty of Science”. That I have special beers in my fridge. That I own a tiny blue kettle. That the most texted contacts in my phone are all new people, asking me to go to quesada for dinner. That I have posters of Harry Potter, My Neighbour Totoro, Flaming Lips, and Back to the Future on my walls. Not just inside my closet where my mom can’t see.

And then I have moments where I realize it really is that different. Moments where I look up at the basketball net of the field house, a moment of calm during my physics final, and a sense of smallness envelops me. I’m back in the gym of my high school, waiting to walk out after my grade 9 exams. Basketball hoops all look the same. But this time, it’s the first final season where I’m not walking home with the same people I’ve always walked out with. The last day of term doesn’t have a moment, waiting for the bus, everyone in Christmas sweaters holding their secret Santa gifts. The thing about your life never changing is that the moments you love come again and again, in ways you can always count on. It’s cruel to give someone so much stability, imply a routine for so long, then suddenly take it away. I’ve never experienced such a heartbreak. The idea that I’ll never have those moments again is something that floors me, often.

I don’t know if it’s normal, to feel this sad all the time. To carry with me the knowledge that your time will never reset. You’re a human, carrying around countless memories you love, knowing they’ll never be real again. Your best friend’s face, whispering during a sleepover on New Year’s Eve. I don’t want to get older, because as many new moments I make, the more sadness I carry with me. Is growing up just acknowledging you become more and more torn between your lives, broken up by memories, and weighed down by that knowledge? That to experience good things fully, you’re trading a future moment of heartbreak when you realize you can never go back? Or do most people just think forward?

When I was younger, I never understood why people cried over movies. Or when people in movies cried after a breakup. “It’s not that sad! Just get a new boyfriend” I thought.

I understand now.

People are really messed up. As a kid, I couldn’t imagine having a nice birthday party and being sad it was over. I think it has something to do with being smart, looking at that experience and realizing, “huh, wait, if it happened, then that means…it’s gone now”. We get more upset the more things we realize, and when you grow, you learn to realize a lot. To think while you gain experiences means to mourn them too. Humans make a moment in the present become linked to the moments in the past. We string together thoughts and memories and emotions like song lyrics, placing them in order until they make us sad. Happy too, but most often, sad. I’m a victim of it especially, maybe more so than others. I have a talent for amplifying feelings that don’t need to be amplified, until small sadnesses feel like large bubbles of goo running through my whole body and I can’t leave the floor. Even though we don’t need to, to survive, we do it. We make ourselves more messed up just for the sake of life. Part of being a human means being a little messed up. And it’s hard to acknowledge the weight of that will never go away. That’s why people cry during movies.

Little kids don’t know this. Neither do some people. They say the ignorant are the happiest, and I agree.

But I’m trying my best, and that’s something I’m proud of. When you get trapped in the past like I do, you forget that real love exists in the future as well. That those days you loved were real before they were memories. That you can still make more. That you can embrace the worst days of your life, wishing you were back in the “good old ones” because the good old days of your future may be tomorrow. It’s hard to feel like good things are coming your way when you struggle to realize you still exist. But you do. So you keep reminding. You lose some and you win some. You feel some days more that others that you’re real again.

Days of watching your first concert. Falling asleep in the arms of someone you love, with a movie on in the background. When random people come play mariokart in your room. Your first full day at the library, followed by a walk in a twinkly Christmas market. Coming home for Christmas. It’s all real. And I love it.

If I had known this time last year, that these would be part of who I am now, I wouldn’t believe you.

So be.

I may not feel that all the time, but damn am I learning. And it’s worth it.

[fivefeetfear]

Chp 13 final Chp part 1

And we are at the end of the road!

…………..

The end of the month came and went meaning My contract at Ozzies is over. The whole thing was very bitter sweet. I grew as person and artist, I made lots of new friends and potential coworkers. I am signed to one of the biggest labels in all 7 rings, my first album is completed and I have the best boyfriends ever. But being on the road is gonna suck without them.

Fizzarolli and Asmodeus are extremely proud of me but they are obviously upset that I am on the road for the next few months. The first couple of weeks they called me every night to chat or even just to sleep together on video chat. I’ve miss their synchronized snoring. But calls now dwindle down to whenever I had the opportunity to take a break. Fizz would visit my rehearsals here and there and sometimes they both were able to come to my shows. Our time together would be short but it meant a lot. I know how busy they are so it meant the world to me when they took time off to support me.

I was also able To have Blitz and his friends tag along. I may or may have not paid them the cost of a five month worth of work. (It wasn’t a lot). They were all more than happy to oblige seeing as they are all on a paid vacation. And something about Blitz not wanting to seeing Stolas for a while. I didn’t know a whole lot but he’ll tell me when he is ready!

I couldn’t provide the same courtesy for my boys being they are a high demand club and made a hell of a lot more money than I.M.P.

Time kept speeding on by, three months had passed us in a snap. I am currently in my tour bus lying on the bed scrolling through my phone. Blitz and the gang went to explore the city, we are in the slot ring. I stood behind because I am totally exhausted. Don’t get me wrong I love sight seeing but Last night took up so much of my energy. So far no other ring could best the crowds energy in the envy ring. It was intoxicating. I performed five extra songs because I didn’t want leave, they kept cheering me on to sing. They sang along, it was just so unreal to hear a mass of voices sing your song to you as one. It was a high I never wanted to come down from. And now I am suffering the consequences with a major body aches and a headache. I just need some peace and quiet.

AHHHH!

I heard my phone scream at me. There goes my peace and quiet. I look at the caller ID and saw it was Fizzarolli calling to video chat! I quickly answer the phone excited to his face. It’s almost been a whole week since we’ve all chatted!

“Ollie!” I chirp happily seeing the jesters cute face.

“Hey there toots how’s it going?!” Mhm I missed his scratchy voice. I just miss his everything! I rolled on my back as I held the phone close to my face.

“It’s going fucking great. I’m really tired but last night was amazing! I wish you were able to be there!” He was so supposed to see me last night but I guess things got out of control at Ozzies. But I just told him in detail what happen, trying to recreate the scene. As I was talking I realized that I haven’t spent time with Fizzarolli and Asmodeus in nearly a month. It made me really sad, we went from spending everyday together and now we rarely see each other. I understand They have packed shows and our schedules completely conflicts with the others. But it still really sucked. I’ve planned to surprise them but my manager kept me for extended rehearsals and interviews. The second I’m done it’s either too late in the night or early in the morning.

“Sounds like a real blast baby. I’m sorry I couldn’t come down last night. Things got real hectic down here.” He began to explain what happen. Something about a huge fight he and Asmodeus had to break up. I saw that he’s walking around the club, I could hear him greeting others. He still must be working.

“When do you think you’ll be able to make it?” I ask, now laying on my side holding a body pillow of him that he sent to me.

“Uggh I’m not sure dolly, I have to look at my schedule again. I’ll let ya know when I can.” I noticed he walked into another room seeing how much darker and quieter it is. He groans loudly as he rubs his eyes tiredly.

“But I gotta say babe, I miss you and your tight pussy so fuckin much.” He growls into the transmitter. Oh fuck that was hot. I could feel the hairs on the back on neck stand on up while my body immediately warms up.

“A month without the good stuff is torture. I can’t fuckin believe I went years without. Fuck just thinking about filling you up is starting to turn me on~.” My face flush with color as I watch him prop up his cellphone. He sat on a Familiar fluffy pink chair with his legs spread open. I could see a delicious tent standing tall just for me. Oh fuck. The two of us aren’t strangers to phone sex. We’ve have done it quite a lot while I was on the road. It wasn’t the same as the real deal but it was a close second.

I eagerly sat up showing him I was in nothing but a sport bra and thong. I had my own room on the tour bus so I was able to comfortably walk around naked if I wanted to.

“Mhm~ well what I miss is your mouth. I love the way your long tongue slips inside of me.” I purr back to him. My hands slowly sliding down my thong strings. Fizzarolli bit his lower lip as his hands made quick work of his pants button and zipper. His member sprung up from its confinements hard and ready. The jester began to stroke himself in a slow teasing manner. Edging is his favorite thing to do to himself. His hungry eyes stare me down as he licks his razor sharp teeth.

“Spread those legs for me so I can see ya wet pussy~.” Satan I love it when he gets so serious. It just made me quiver. I did as I was told and spread my legs to the camera so he had full view of me.

“Fuck ya already wet for me slut~” Fizzarolli pumps himself a little faster as he watches me tease my clit.

“Mhmm Ollie, I miss your big cock inside of me. I want you to fill me up like the dirty lil slut I am.~”I whine softly as I slip one finger inside of myself.

“I wanna feel ya deep inside of me daddy~.” Fizz growls lowly to himself as he picks up the pace on his member. I kept moaning his name as I kept slipping more digits inside myself. I too finding a desirable pace inside myself. It just made it more exciting seeing His pink hues completely focus on my dripping cunt.

“Satan ya such a whore, fuckin ya own tight pussy out of desperation for my touch. Such a needy Bitch.” He degraded me in the best way, his words made my walls tighten around my fingers as I called out his name.

“F/f….fuckkkk.” He grunts out his legs began to tremble. He was about to cum.

“Mhmmm~ Ollieeee please fuck me harder I-I’m gonna cummmm.~” I cried feeling myself about to reach my climax as well.

BOOM

“Where are you gonna go?! I wanna come too!” Blitz shouts as he kicks in my door. I scream in horror as I quickly grab my Fizzarolli body pillow and cover myself.

“BLITZ!!” Me and Fizzarolli shout at the imp. The horny jester reach for his device but end up dropping it to the floor. He curses to himself when the phone cracked on impact.

“Blitzo ya stupid fuckin bitch!” Fizzarolli voice hollers in frustration from my cellphone.

“We’re you two freaks fucking on the phone!!? Can I watch?”

“OH MY SATAN BLITZ GET THE FUCK OUT! OR ILL SKIN YOU ALIVE!” I bellow at him feeling completely mortified. This is so fucking embarrassing! When B finally left I sigh heavily, flopping onto my bed I apologized to Fizzarolli over and over. I should have double check the lock on the door.

“It’s fine, it wasn’t your fault. He’s a fucking idiot. Ugggh! I was so close too. Fucccckkk, I really miss ya F/N this distance shit ain’t it. I wanna have ya here and be all mines” Awe! My heart flutter at his sweet words. I squeezed the body pillow a little hard feeling a new sensation bloom in my chest.

“Awee Ollie I am yours. I’ll be home soon. Just two more months.” The imp groans as he began muttering to himself.

“I can’t wait that long”. he sat back in the fluffy chair looking in deep thought. I was getting a little nervous on what he meant. He can’t wait for me to come back to fuck him? Was he thinking about fucking someone else? I know I didn’t say we were exclusive but I was hoping if just be the three of us.

“Your dick will be fine, you have Momo.” I tried reassuring him. He can always get his fix from the prince of lust himself.

“No not that….. I hate that youre so far. I just…..I want…Mhm I gotta make some calls. I talk to ya soon toots. Bye love ya!” And with that he hung up. Leaving me confused.

“Love you too.” I whisper to myself. I honestly don’t know how to feel. The thought of him fucking some random bothered me. I sigh heavily as curled back on the bed.

In the other room Blitz sat with M&M and then his phone rang.

“Well hello there, I didn’t know phone sex operators made house calls, how much do you charger?” Blitz says with a shit eating grin.

“Shut the fuck up Blitz. I’m calling because Ima need a favor from ya. Think ya can handle it?” Fizzarolli asks him.

……..

The last couple of months of tour flew by. And it has been an incredible experience! Meeting my fans and going on interviews has been such a chaotic time but I would never change it! Even though one of the talk shows host kept asking personal questions about Fizzarolli and Asmodeus.

“So how are the three love birds? Is it official? Are you guys together? It must be a pleasurable time seeing they are both Notorious for their sexual history! Where’s the crazy places you three fucked?”

She would drone on and on wanting to get the latest scoop. I answer to the best of my abilities without giving too much away. Verosika even came to a few of my shows as a guest and we may have hooked up while she was here (she wasn’t some rando, she a friend I fuck occasionally). Asmodeus even called more often seeing Fizzarolli had booked more of his stand up shows in other realms meaning he wasnt able to visit yet again.

We finished the last couple of shows in the gluttony ring and today is my last show and then I will be all theirs for ever how long!

“Hey N/N what do you think about this one?” Millie voices interrupts my train of thought. I look at the short woman as she points to a ring in a glass case. We are in a mall looking for rings for some reason. She mentioned something about getting a new ring? I think she lost hers, I don’t know. All I know is she and Blitz have been dragging my tired ass from mall to mall the last couple months.

“Uhh it’s ok, the Diamond kind of small.” She hums in thought, the imp nods in agreement as she placed her hands on her hips.

“Well which ring would you get than?” Not this question again. It was basically routine now. She will point to different rings that I didn’t find cute, I say no then she will ask me which one I like. It’s getting old.

“I don’t know the last mall didn’t have anything cute. And I wasn’t even looking.” that was a lie. We are currently in one of the best jewelry stores that we ever walk into and I’ve already spotted the ring that I really liked. I couldn’t help but think about Fizzarolli proposing to me. Ill be honest if shit never gone wrong in the first I’m pretty sure we would have been married now with three to four kids and one on the way. But all that seems so out of reach. Between us being in a trouple and newly made career marriage and kids seem like a dream.

“Oh come there has to be one.” Millie pushes as she looks around the various of rings. My eyes travelled to a beautiful ring to the far right, slowly I pointed it out.

“I really like that one.” I admitted admiring how it shine in the light. It’s really fucking gorgeous. Millie peeks over and Ohhh loudly.

“Oh that is stunnin! You should try it on!”

“No Millie that’s no-“

“Hello sir! Yes can you please take that ring out my friend wants to try it on.” Oh great. The employee nods as he open the case and pulls out the ring.

“You have a good eye ma’am, that ring has no flawless, it reflects in every light and has a tastefully sized Diamond.” He says as he reaches out for my left hand. I hesitate at first not wanting to try it on. If I loved it, it will be so hard to part with. But I could always buy it, right? Slowly I gave him my hand and he slips on the rock on my ring finger. Holy fuck. I couldn’t take my eyes away from it. It’s…its fucking breath taking.

“Perfect fit, like it was made for you.” The man says.

“Oh wow.” Was all I could say as I admire the ring from every angle. I heard Millie losing her shit as she too just seem as mesmerized as me.

“That is one of a kind, it’s called The Sinners Eye, so it will cost 80,000. With tax it will bring you up to 100,000.” Oh fuck. That’s a lot of money. And I have made a shit ton more on tour so It’s wasn’t terrible, but I would never spend that much for jewelry. With a heavy heart I shook my head.

“It’s gorgeous but no thank you.” The employee nods as he was ready to take the ring.

“Wait!” Blitz says seemingly popping out of thin air. He took a picture of the ring on my finger in several angles.

“There so you can treasure this moment for the rest of your life!” He chimes forwarding the photos to my phone. I chuckle as I rolled my eyes.

“Ok thanks B.” I returned the ring to the man and bid him goodbye so I could get ready. The store phone rang and the gentleman waved goodbye before answering it.

“Hello. Yes I can hold a ring for you sir, yes it is still available! When will you be picking it up? Tonight? Splendid! I’ll have it set up!”

…………….

“Thank you so much everyone for a wonderful night! I love all of you!” I yell into the microphone. Sweat still dripping down my body as I steadily caught my breath. And just like that my tour came to an end.

“Make sure to get home safe and have DD! Thank you so much good fucking night!” The audience cheer loudly and it made my very core shake with excitement. This will never get old! I began to walk off the stage, I want to call Ollie or Momo again. I haven’t spoken to Ollie for three days. He didn’t even text me good luck like he usually does. I was getting nervous. Before I made it off the stage i heard Blitz voices over the speakers.

“Excuse me before you all go home and shoot up whatever drugs you have I want to make an announcement! Obscure your presence is needed, get up here bitch.” Oh great here we go. I walk out back to the middle of the stage and stood beside the imp curious on what he is up to. I could see the cameras zooming in on us on the large screens across the stadium.

“Good. For those who don’t know me I am Blitz, and me and Obscure go way back! Basically diapers!”

“That’s because he was a six year old wearing diapers.” I joke making the crowd laugh. Blitz did not find it as funny and he simply flips me the bird.

“As I was sayin. I’m not a man of kind words, but I just wanted to say How fucking proud I am of you, you fucking whore! You always wanted to be a singer and here you are selling fuckin out shows in all rings of hell!! You worked your cute lil ass off and it paid off! You have grown into a boss as Bitch and living your best Damn life. I am so grateful that I was able to be part of this journey to see it all. ” The audience went wild as he too cheered obnoxiously into the microphone. My eyes soften as I watch him celebrate my success. It meant so much to me seeing how proud and excited he is for me. I reach down and east pull Blitz into a bone crushing hug.

“B If it werent for you pushing me I wouldn’t be here. So thank you for being the biggest ass hole, getting kicked out of each bar in hell and coming into mines. You changed my life forever and I could never repay you for that. Thank you B, I love you so much!” I could sense my throat getting tight from all the emotions I am experiencing. If it wasn’t for him I would still be working in that shitty bar wondering what could have been if I didn’t perform at PISS. Waste my time Dreaming of what I have now. I could feel Blitz squeezing me equally as hard as we just embrace the other on stage.

“I love you like the non-biological sister I always wanted to fuck.” I choke on my spit as I burst out laughing with the rest of the guest. And he is back. I gently shove Blitz back playfully as we chuckle at his inappropriate joke.

“You perv!”

“Yeahhh well whattaya going to do? But seriously no matter what I’ll always have your back. Your next adventure is around the corner, and just so you know I gave him my blessing.” I tilt my head to the side as My brows knit together in confusion. What Blessing? What the hell did that mean?

“What ar-“

“AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” The audience scream at the top of their lungs nearly deafening me. It nearly blew my eye drums out! What is going on!? I was trying my best to regain my composure from the screaming but Blitz then grabs my shoulders and whirls me around. My Vision became blur from the whiplash, I nearly fell over stumble but Blitz hands kept me steady on my feet. I rapidly blink my eyes trying to focus them again, Once they I just loudly as I covered my mouth in shock.

“No fucking way.” My voice shakes as tears swells in my eyes. In front of me is my darling Fizzarolli wearing an all black jester suit on his knee. In his hands he holds The Sinners Eye in a black velvet box. He smiles nervously as he began to to undo his bow tie. Holy shit, holy shit.

Blitz puts a finger to his lips shushing the crowd that still rage excitedly for us. When the room got quiet Fizzarolli clear his throat, he grabs the microphone B offered him and spoke.

“Uh, oh wow this harder than I thought.” I giggle softly trying to keep it together. I’ve never seen him so flustered.

“Ok, 23 years ago I fell in love with you, a sweet dorky girl I met in grade school. The two of us became friends a-

“The three of us became friends. Don’t forget me!” Blitz cuts in. I shoot him a wide eye stare that scream “shut the fuck up”. Getting the message he coughs into his fist before stepping back. Fizzarolli chuckles softly when I gave him my undivided attention as though nothing happen.

“When we were 14, I finally had the fuckinh balls to ask her out. When you said yes and I busted a nut.” This earned a laugh from everyone in the room. I cover my wide smile as I shook my head. I remember him asking me out. He look like he was gonna puke if anything.

“We had a beautiful 10 year relationship. I was the happiest I ever been. But I was fucking fool and I lost ya. For nearly five years I couldn’t get ya outta my head, and nor did I want to. Ya showed me unconditional love that I did not deserve. Ya supported me through all of my bull shit. Then you came back into my life and I never want to go a day without ya ever again. I know we just reconnected a few months ago but while you were on tour it was killing me not havin ya around. It was near torture not having ya besides me and Ozzie where ya belong. So will you please put me out my fucking misery and marry me?” Throughout the speech I couldn’t hold back the tears. I let them flow as I took in all that he said to me. I study the look on his face as he talk. I could hear the occasional shake in his voice while he struggle to keep his tears at bay.

And when he asks me, My mind went blank as I tried to form a sentences i kept stumbling over my words like an idiot. I couldn’t believe this is happening. I’ve dreams about this moment since I was a kid! And I can’t even talk!! Get a grip! My tears fell as I nod eagerly nearly bouncing in place. A Large smile grows on my face as I shout.

“Yes! Yes Ollie! fuck yes I’ll marry the fuck outta you!” I cried happily. The audience once again Lost their collective shit as they fill the space with their screams.

The jester let a few tears of his own fall as he slips the ring on my finger. And in a blink on eye he scoops me up into his arms bringing me into a loving kiss. My hands immediately cup his cheeks holding him close in the kiss. I open my mouth allowing his fork tongue to slip inside. I haven’t seen him in months and I really fucking missed him. So I will enjoy this moment for however long I wanted it, I knew Ollie didn’t mind one bit.

………….

Part 2 coming soon! ~

[robinrunsfiction]

Hi! I was wondering if you could write a Dallon Weekes x fem reader smut with a choking kink? I'm thinking panic! era dallon where the reader is also a member of the band, and they've had chemistry for a while, and one night after a concert they do the deed in a dressing room? If you aren't comfortable with any of this I'm really sorry aha, I hope you have an awesome day! <33

Choke

Pairing: Dallon Weekes x Female Reader

Rating: Mature (smut, choking kink)

Requested By: Anon

Word Count: ~2,170

Author’s Note: Porn with plot! My first Dallon smut! Woo! I’m pleased (?!) with this one, and I hope you all like it too!

You were feeling out of place waiting to be called in for your audition with Panic! At the Disco, as you were the only woman in the room. The music industry, especially rock, was so male dominated, but you were not going to let that deter you. It made you nervous as hell, but not deterred. 

Other guitarists and bassists were called in as you waited your turn, picking at your nails anxiously, thinking about what you would be playing. Eventually a very tall bass player walked in, sat down next to you and made the mistake of saying hi. This was enough to get you talking, and you were totally unable to stop nervously babbling at him. 

"I'm sorry, I'm just really nervous. I'm (YN)," you laughed after talking his ear off for a few minutes.

"Dallon, Dallon Weekes," he smiled, which did nothing for your nerves. “And don’t worry about it.”

"(YFN) (YLN)?" A voice called from the audition room.

"I'm up," you sighed, picking up your guitar case.

"Knock 'em dead," Dallon nodded.

After the audition you waved to Dallon as you left and hoped somewhere down the road you'd run into him again. 

~

A few years later, you and Dallon had become incredibly close being in Panic together, but it would have been impossible not to, given the role you'd both been relegated to within the band. Brendon and Spencer were the face of the band, they had history together and they always shared hotel rooms and dressing rooms.

You and Dallon were “just” touring members, trotted out for performances like a couple of show ponies. Your input wasn’t needed, that much was clear, but a paycheck was a paycheck, and you were making a name for yourself. Plus you’d never give up the weeks on the road with Dallon, experiencing new cities and countries you’d only dreamed of visiting and getting to perform night after night, but this particular tour was getting especially long and you were starting to get frustrated. In more ways than one.

It was another show like any other and Brendon was up to his usual antics. He would come over and stage-flirt with you before making his way back over to Dallon. Sure you both got into it for the sake of the performance, but the only person you ever really wanted to flirt with was Dallon and tonight he was driving you absolutely wild.

You loved watching the way his large hands moved across the neck of his bass, the way he threw his head back while playing was practically obscene, and it was incredibly distracting when he’d look over at you between songs, run his hands through his hair and shoot you a wink. You wanted to run your hands through his hair, you wanted his large, strong hands on your body, you wanted to be the one that made him throw his head back like that. You wondered what it would sound like for him to moan your name. You shook your head to snap yourself out of it, trying to keep your mind on the song you were playing.

That night as the bus rolled you to the next stop, it was suggested that everyone should play a drinking game. You settled in on one end of the couch, Dallon on the other, looking relaxed and comfy, and you had to fight the urge to go curl up with him.

“Never have I ever!” Brendon declared as he handed out bottles of beer to everyone. “(YN), ladies first.”

"Fine. Umm, never have I ever flirted to get out of a speeding ticket," you said and no one drank.

"Never have I ever had a fake ID," Dallon said and both Brendon and Spencer drank.

"Never have I ever kissed a bandmate," Spencer said with a smirk and everyone laughed as Brendon took a drink.

"Knew it," you muttered under your breath.

"Never have I ever been peed on during sex!" Brendon announced happily as the rest of you looked at him slightly dumbfounded.

"Well that went from zero to 100 real quick," you said shaking your head. "Fine, never have I ever hooked up with a fan backstage."

Again, Spencer and Brendon drank. The game continued, each of you taking drinks, some even going for more bottles of beer to keep the game going, but you were almost done with yours and ready to go to bed.

"Never have I ever enjoyed getting choked during sex," Brendon laughed and you felt releaved as you were done with the game as you lifted the bottle to your lips, finishing the beer. That's when you noticed three sets of eyes on you.

"What? It's fun," you shrugged. From the corner of your eye you noticed Dallon moving the pillow he had been leaning against on top of his lap. "Anyway, I'm done with my beer and I'm not opening another, goodnight."

As you climbed into your bunk and popped in your headphones, you couldn't help but wonder what Dallon was thinking.

~

The next day, the tour bus rolled into Chicago and since the following show was in Milwaukee, there was time for a hotel stay. A hotel stay with Dallon in the other bed you reminded yourself. You couldn’t help but notice Dallon was acting strangely as he moved throughout your shared dressing room. It was as if he wanted to say, but couldn’t bring himself to do so. 

You were pretty much ready for the night’s performance, and you were just applying some lipstick in the mirror when Dallon walked up behind you.

"That lipstick looks good on you," Dallon complemented as he straightened his tie.

You turned to face him, surprised at how close he was standing. You decided you were sick of the tension, everything that was unspoken between you. "I wonder what it'd look like on you," you murmured, as you reached up and ran your fingers over his tie.

Dallon smirked a little before he started leaning in and you held your breath, heart pounding in your chest. It felt like you’d waited forever, spent so many nights wondering what it would feel like if Dallon kissed you and where it would lead, consequences be damned.

Just as his lips were so close to yours, there was a knock on the door, causing you both to jump. "Need you on stage in 5 minutes!"

"Thank you!" You replied before letting out a shaky sigh. Dallon was running his hand through his hair as you shook your head and turned to walk out the door. 

Suddenly Dallon grabbed your arm and pulled you back to him. His lips were crashing into yours as you practically melted into him as your arms wrapped around him. When you pulled back for air, Dallon rested his forehead against yours, as you both tried to catch your breath.

“We gotta, we gotta get on stage,” you breathed, a little stunned still.

“Yea,” Dallon nodded. “But after… after I want more. I’ve waited so long for this.”

“I cannot wait," you grinned back.

You and Dallon barely made it on stage on time after cleaning up the smeared lipstick and ruffled hair. You did your best to focus on the music you were supposed to be playing but it seemed like every time you glanced over at Dallon, he was looking your way or shedding another article of clothing. 

First it was his jacket, but he always took that off during the show, then his sleeves were rolled up, making your knees weak. A short time later his tie hung undone around his neck, followed by the top buttons of his shirt being undone. This slow motion striptease was doing nothing for your concentration, or the feeling taking over your body. Hell you’d jump him right then and there if you didn’t think Brendon would fire you both for taking the attention off him for a moment.

The show seemed to take forever, but finally you were taking your final bows and walking off stage. The tension between you and Dallon was palpable and you wondered if anyone else noticed. 

"The van to the hotel will leave in an hour. If you aren't on it, hope you like walking!" The tour manager called as everyone dispersed to their dressing rooms. You glanced at your watch, noting the time and thinking about what could happen in the next 60 minutes.

When the dressing room door was shut behind you, Dallon was on you again. Hands on your waist, pulling your body against his as you ran your hands through his sweaty hair. Your lips kissed his hungrily, urgently. 

"We have an hour before we have to leave," you murmured into his lips. “Better make this quick and dirty.”

"But after that we have all night," he replied, his tone dripping in seduction.

"Oh god," you gasped. He took the opportunity to kiss down your neck. You shoved his shirt off his toned shoulders before fumbling for the hem of your dress to pull it off, breaking the kiss.

"(YN)," murmured in awe, taking you in wearing nothing but your undergarments. 

"You want me?" You asked, looking straight in his eye. "You can handle this?"

Dallon smirked. "You know I can."

Your eyebrows went up in surprise at the cocky statement of your usually slightly reserved friend. "Good."

You closed the distance between you again, lips crashing together, hands roaming all over each other, as you both blindly made your way across the room, bumping into furniture until you were at the crappy old couch that took up far too much space in the small room. You dropped back, breathlessly as Dallon loomed over you. You didn't think it was possible to get any more turned on than you already were, but it was happening. 

It didn’t take long for you both to shed the rest of your clothes, and you wanted to revel in Dallon's toned body, but there was no time for that now. You were making out furiously again, hands all over each other until he suddenly broke the kiss.

"Shit (YN), I don't have a -"

"I'm on the pill," you answered. He nodded and took his hand, pulling him over you as you lay back on the couch,

He propped himself up on the arm of the couch behind you, as his free hand caressed over your chest and you started making out again. His hips were resting against yours and while the friction was good, it was not enough.

"Please Dal," you murmured against his lips.

"Please what?" He teased. You could feel him smirking.

"Please fuck me, choke me, have your way with me, whatever you want, just please do something!"

Dallon smirked again before glancing down to line himself up and pressed into you tantalizingly slow. You let out a soft moan at the feeling of fullness and

"You feel so good," Dallon whispered reverently before pulling back, just to press back harder and faster than before. 

"That feels so good," you moaned, looking in his blue eyes. That’s when you noticed he was glancing down. “You can do it if you want.”

He looked back up at your face for confirmation, before placing his hand around your throat and squeezed gently, eliciting another filthy moan from you. He seemed pleased with your reaction as he pounded into you harder.

“So good,” you squeaked out, unable to come up with anything more coherent as you were in a state of absolute euphoria.

“God, (YN),” Dallon moaned, and you could tell he was close.

“Please, harder,” you gasped.

Dallon thrust harder into you, losing rhythm before you felt him cum, the feeling of which caused you to cum around him with one last gasping moan. He released his grip on your throat as his sweaty forehead fell onto your shoulder as you both panted for air.

“Damn,” you muttered. “Dallon, I’m not joking, that was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

Dallon laughed lightly, his cheeks flushing further. “I hope I can live up to expectations in the future.”

“I’m sure you will,” you smiled back.

“I guess we should get dressed and pack up before we miss the van to the hotel,” Dallon said, getting up, and offering you a hand to help you to your feet.

When you were both re-dressed and ready to leave the venue, Dallon took your hand, interlacing his fingers with yours. “Before we go, I just want you to know, I really do like you (YN). If you wanna just hook up, that’s fine, but if you want more, I’m ready.” 

You smiled up at him, this was the sweet Dallon that you’d fallen for so long before. “I do want more. I mean, more than just more hookups. I want the whole thing for us.”

Dallon nodded, a smile tugging at his lips as well. He leaned in and kissed you hard. “Good. Now let’s get to that hotel.”

[sprnklersplashes]

power of three

canon divergence where cady is not a plastic, and goes to janis’ art show instead (ao3)

It’s a strange feeling, all these eyes on her. 

The room is packed, people swirling around in all directions, conversations fading in and out of earshot. There’s a glass in her hand (lemonade, of course) and people she vaguely recognises coming up to shake her free one, congratulating her on getting this far. She blushes slightly, thanks them and takes a sip of her drink to keep herself from passing out. Rinse and repeat, over and over, for what feels like an hour, but when Damian grabs her by the elbow and pulls her out, it turns out it had been five minutes.

It’s not bad, all this attention, not when it’s praise rather than damnation. When people come up to her with admiration in their eyes, rather than scorn. She’s just not very used to it.

“Thank you,” she breathes into Damian’s ear. He chuckles and loops his arm so that her hand rests on it, like they’re a married couple at some gala far more pretentious than this. She chuckles, and what’s more she can lean on him now. Keeping herself upright is suddenly far less of a challenge.

“Well, it looked like you were either going to explode if one more person came up to you,” he explains as they weave in and out of the crowd. “And funny as that would be, I think you’d need to be in tact when they give you your prize.”

“Oh shush you,” she replies, hoping her feigned nonchalance covers the prickling insecurity in her gut. Maybe it would, if it was someone other than Damian. “Besides, I don’t need to win. Getting to the finals is more than enough for me.” The words feel false on her tongue, and even more so when Damian raises his eyebrow, a silent signal meaning you’re talking bullshit and you know it. She stands her ground for a total of three seconds before she sighs and looks into her half-finished glass. “I don’t want to get my hopes up, is all.”

“Well too bad,” Damian replies. “Because my hopes are all riled up.” He nudges her with his shoulder, and she manages a smile then. “I mean it. They’d be crazy not to pick you. If they do, I’m filing a lawsuit.”

“You do that.” She turns and takes in her surroundings, mainly the other paintings on the walls, and the confidence Damian instilled in her dips a little. When her art teacher told her to fill out the application, she did so mainly to please her. She’s never really been interested in putting her art up to be judged. For her, that would be like ripping a page out of her diary and publishing it in the school newsletter. But she did it anyway, not expecting to get past the application stage. But she did, evidently, and then she got past the second round and the third, each time feeling like there must have been some mistake. Because now she’s looking at the other works on the walls, mostly made by real artists who go to real art schools, and she’s not sure how she’s meant to compare here.  

“You seen Cady yet?” she asks, ripping her gaze away from the other paintings. Damian shakes his head and checks his watch before the two of them scan the room, searching for caramel coloured curls or a funky-coloured flannel. “She has the right address, right?”

“Yeah,” he replies. Janis nods and takes a deep breath, forcing herself to remain calm. There could be a hundred reasons as to why Cady hasn’t showed up yet, right? After all, it’s a new city and she still doesn’t know it very well, or maybe she’s running late, maybe her tutoring Aaron went on longer than expected. Maybe she couldn’t get out of the thing with her parents after all. She did text ‘sorry, running late, be there as soon as I can’ about ten minutes ago, so that means she’s coming, right?

“Hey,” Damian’s voice whispers in her ear, his hand on her back as if she’s about to fall. “Don’t worry about it. She’ll be here. And if she isn’t, I’ll shove her into a locker myself, K?”

She nods, even though it’s shakier than it ought to be, and turns, her mouth open to reassure both him and herself, but something catches her eye. Something, or rather someone, coming through the door, with all the grace and care of a small hurricane. Someone smaller than her with wide eyes and caramel coloured curls and… a blue flannel.

She can breathe again.

“Caddy!” She waves her over, mindful of the drink in her hand and Damian beside her, and her friend hurries over to her, forgoing a handshake in favour of wrapping her in a brief but tight hug. “You made it.”

“I did,” they sigh. “Sorry, I’m late, I grossly misjudged how far away this place was and it was my first time taking the bus on my own.”

“It’s okay,” she replies. “I mean really, it’s fine.”

“Public transportation is a nightmare in this city,” Damian chimes in. “Glad you made it, little slice.” Cady squeals and hugs him too, stretching up on their toes and wrapping their arms around his shoulders. Damian grins, his joy so bright it’s hard to believe he was plotting their hypothetical revenge on Cady not seconds earlier.

She knows he’d have never gone through with it.

“Let’s go get you a drink,” Damian says. “Unfortunately, we can’t go up to the bar unless you managed to sneak in a fake ID.”

“I didn’t, sorry,” Cady laughs.

“Don’t worry about it,” Janis says as she hands her a lemonade. “Alcohol is far overrated anyway. We wanted to wait for you before we got food too.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that.”

“We know, we’re just awesome people,” Janis says as she and Damian lead Cady to the food table. It’s all little snacks mainly-tiny hot dogs, mini quiches, little finger sandwiches, and Cady is amazed by them. 

“They’re so cute!” they exclaim as they load another sandwich onto their already-sagging paper plate. “It’s like little doll food!” Janis and Damian’s eyes simultaneously grow wider as they watch; this tiny girl who can apparently wolf down more than they can combined. Cady just smiles, brighter than any lamp in the room, and Janis feels compelled to smile back.

Cady’s funny like that. 

“Okay, come on, kiddos,” Damian says, grabbing Cady by the hand and nodding for Janis to follow. The twinkle in his eye tells her everything she needs to know about what he plans and her cheeks grow warmer as she follows them. “We want to get a good seat for this.”

She ducks her head, her hair falling infront of her face like a curtain, but behind is one of the warmest smiles she’s ever known.

“I feel kind of underdressed,” Cady remarks, their eyes scanning the crowds. They pull on their shirt, the gesture seemingly subconscious. “I didn’t know how fancy this was going to be. Maybe I should have dressed up a little.”

“Oh you’re fine.” Janis waves her hand dismissively. “It’s not that fancy.” She feels a little hypocritical here, after all, she was the one who went out and bought herself a new jacket especially for this event, but she stands by what she said. Cady looks fine. “You clearly have your formal flannel on anyway.”

Cady bursts out laughing at that, earning a confused look from some passers-by. That only makes the two of them laugh harder, their snickers hidden behind their hands. It stings for a moment, because that gesture is so closely associated with Regina in Janis’ mind, but it’s brushed aside as Cady links their arms together. Janis breathes out. Regina isn’t even here, and she has no place in her friendships. Not anymore.

“Thanks so much for inviting me, Janis,” Cady says. 

“Hey, no problem, Caddy,” she says. “You’re one of us now. Which means you get dragged to my art shows and Damian’s drama club performances.” Cady giggles at that. “And then to make it fair, you get to drag us to your Mathlete contests and everyone wins.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Cady says. 

Something blossoms in Janis’ chest, something new and exciting. For so long it had just been her and Damian and she was fine with it. More than fine. But when she said what she said to Cady, you’re one of us now… she was saying that there was an us to be a part of. That they aren’t loners anymore. That… that she isn’t. That she can let people in now. 

She wonders how that little 12 year old girl would react if she told her.

“Are you okay?” Cady asks. Janis blinks, her breath coming out in a quick gasp, and she takes a drink to cool her warm cheeks. Cady stands beside her, not overly concerned, but not oblivious either. They squeeze Janis’ hand, their eyes gentle and kind, and Janis tries not to get emotional. Again.

“Fine,” she tells them. “Just nervous.” It’s not entirely a lie. Her eyes meet Damian’s over Cady’s head and he sees right through her, because of course he does. She doesn’t mind though, not one little bit. Because she knows he’s thinking the same thing.

Strange, she thinks, how quickly this little jungle freak infiltrated their tight-knit friendship. She smiles and lets Cady rest their head on her shoulder. Strange, and she loves it.

                                                                          ******

It’s way past dark when Damian’s scooter pulls up outside Janis’ house. Her hair is tangled from the ride home, her back aching a little after having spent the better part of 30 minutes leaning over Damian, but she’s far too happy to care. In fact, it’s one of those rare instances where she can’t find it in herself to care about anything; school, her friends, her future, or the weather. All that matters is her and Damian, and the jokes they’re sharing, and the painting sitting in the jazzy’s front basket. That’s her world right now, and it’s all she needs.

She’s still laughing as she jumps off the jazzy, the cheeks-hurt-can’t-breathe kind of laughter, and Damian follows, making sure to double check all the breaks before he hops off. She goes to lift her painting but he holds one hand in front of her face and grabs it with the other, tucking it beneath his arm instead. She rolls her eyes, but it’s for show. There’s a proud smile on his face, the twinkle in his eyes evident even in the dark, and he stops to grab her hand before they head inside.

“Have I told you how proud I am yet?” he asks her.

“Only a hundred times,” is her reply, and she gives his hand a grateful squeeze.

“Can I say I told you so yet?”

“Only if I can kick you in the shins afterwards,” she says firmly, only for the two to burst out laughing as she turns the key in the lock.

The hallway is far warmer than outside and Janis can’t not sigh in relief when she enters. She takes off her jacket and hangs it up and Damian does the same. Her mom told him back when they were twelve to “make himself at home” and he’s never stopped doing so. They head into the kitchen, following the sound of low chatter and the muted lights. It doesn’t surprise her that her parents beat them home; even if she hadn’t already seen the car parked in the drive, she knows that car beats jazzy every single time.

What does surprise her, however, is the sight of Cady sitting at the kitchen table, sipping tea from her Eyeore mug, and making polite chithcat with her parents. 

They had offered Cady a ride on the jazzy, Janis even demonstrating how they would both fit on safely, but Cady had politely declined, insisting on riding their bike instead. Janis had relented, seeing there was no convincing them re: the scooter, and wrote down detailed instructions on how to get to her place and also telling them to call if they got lost. Even with those precautions, Janis wasn’t convinced Cady would make it, and was expecting her phone to vibrate on the way home.

But no. Here’s Cady. Sitting at her table like they’ve done it before. Like it isn’t the first time.

Their eyes find Janis’ as she walks in, and their face breaks out into a relieved smile. Janis hides a smile of her own, a small tug of sympathy in her chest. Cady is sweet, and she loves her parents, but she’s also sure there’s only so many conversation topics one can have.

“You’re back!” her dad announces, half-turning in his seat. “How was the scooter?”

“It was fun,” she says. “We got yelled at by these college kids.”

“Oh don’t tell me that,” her mom sighs. “Really, Damian, I’m surprised your mom let you ride that thing at night.”

“She said as long as I wear a helmet, everything’s fine.”

“I see. And did you?” her mom asks. Damian stops then, his mouth pressed into a thin line, and that’s enough of an answer. Her mom rolls her eyes, but it’s a fond gesture, and she chuckles warmly under her breath.

“At least Cady wore a helmet,” she says, gesturing across the table. “Maybe they’ll be a good influence on you.”

“Or we’ll corrupt them and turn them dark,” Janis jokes, winking over at them. Cady smiles softly, their cheeks turning pink. “One way to find out.” She heads over and pulls up a chair beside Cady, their elbows bumping on the table. “Sorry we left you hanging here on your own.”

“It’s fine,” they reply. “Got talking with your parents.”

“And I think that’s our cue to leave now,” her mom says. Her dad nods and finishes up his coffee before rising from the table, stretching his arms over his head. “You kids have fun, okay?”

“But not too much fun, I still want this kitchen intact when I get back.”

“No promises, Dad,” Janis grins. Her dad raises a playful eyebrow at her, meanwhile her mom counts on her fingers, ticking off her mental checklist. 

“Okay, so the pizza menu’s in the drawer, money’s on the counter, we’ve got the living room set up and we’re just upstairs if you need anything,” her mom says. 

“Thanks Mom.”

“Thanks Laura,” Damian adds, at the same time Cady says “Thanks Mrs Heron.” They shift slightly, only noticeable to those sitting next to them, and Janis threads her fingers through Cady’s, hopefully letting her know she’s just as welcome here as Damian is. Cady smiles softly in return and runs her thumb over Janis’ knuckles. 

“Alright, have a good night kids,” her dad says. “We’re off to watch boring nature documentaries on Netflix like adults.”

“Maybe you are,” her mom adds, tapping his chest. “I’m finishing my mystery novel.” Janis chuckles, warmth fluttering in her chest. Her parents might be, well, parents, but damn she loves them.

Even more so when her dad pokes his head around the door and says “Janis… I’m so proud of you.” Sure, her cheeks burn in front of her friends, but a grin spreads across her face at the same time. Her parents are the best, and she’ll fight anyone on that. 

Not twenty minutes later they’re sitting in the living room, all clad in their pyjamas, the room lit solely by lamps. Janis made sure to bring down as many extra blankets and pillows as she could, ensuring there could be no spot that wasn’t cosy. Three pizza boxes sit in the middle of the floor, each one a different level of demolished. Damian ordered Hawaiian, partially because he knew it would drive Janis crazy, and poor Cady got pulled into the ongoing ‘pineapple on pizza’ debate, something they had apparently missed out on while chasing lions in Kenya. Lucky they have them, then.

“It’s a fruit, and fruits do not belong on a pizza,” Janis says, standing on her couch for the full effect. “I will have pineapple on a lot of things. In a salad. In a cake. In my conditioner so that I always smell like a tropical paradise. But pizza is not one of those things.Thank you for coming to my TED talk.”

“Counter point,” Damian replies. “Tomato is a fruit, and there is tomato sauce on every pizza in existence.”

“Counter-counter point, tomato is an acceptable fruit for pizza, pineapple isn’t.”

“Coutner-counter-counter point, who are you to decide which fruits are acceptable?”

“Counter-counter-counter-counter point, I’m cute,” she says. 

“Cannot argue with that,” Damian replies, leaning back on the couch. “Caddy, be our tiebreaker please?” Janis pouts, suspecting he’s only relenting so he can eat more pizza instead, but it’s a victory and so she takes it.

“I’m amazed neither one of you have gone out for debate team,” Cady says, who had been watching the argument with their head bopping back and forth. They sit with one of the blankets wrapped around them, their chin resting on their knees. They scrunch their face up slightly, their gaze shifting from Janis to Damian and back again, and a mischievous grin forms on their lips. “But… I am ultimately sold on Janis’ point of view, sorry Damian.”

“I am flabbergasted,” Damian sighs, throwing himself back on the couch. He throws his hand against his forehead, the perfect picture of the fainting Victorian maiden. Suitably dramatic, of course. “Horrified. Betrayed. Ultimately humiliated. My honour has been squandered.”

“You never had honour to begin with,” Janis quips as she jumps off the couch. She settles herself beside Cady, pleasantly surprised when they open up the blanket and drape it around her shoulders. She scoots a little closer until their knees touch, and her smile widens.

“Okay losers, what movie are we making Caddy watch?” Damian asks. “I’ve got Sound of Music, Chicago, Cabaret and if we’re not feeling like a musical tonight, we have Heathers, The Bee Movie, Night at the Museum and Legally Blonde.” He takes out each movie and displays it on the floor, sitting in front of Cady like jewellery in a cabinet, and their eyes grow slowly wider.

“Is the Bee Movie just a movie about bees?” they ask, their nose scrunched up.

“Yes and it’s a masterpiece,” Janis replies. “It explores the depths and complexities of human sexuality, the insidious reality of our capitalist society and what it means to truly love someone.”

Cady nods slowly but skeptically, and their hand passes over the DVD. Janis makes a mental note to work on her Bee Movie pitch. Damian shrugs sympathetically, a silent well, you tried in his eyes.

“What about this one?” Cady asks, holding up Heathers.

“Hell yeah,” is her answer. It’s a personal favourite of Janis’, and yes a little bit of a fantasy, not that she’d ever go as far as Veronica did. She taps Cady’s shoulder and pulls herself up.  “I’ll go get the popcorn ready.”

“Why don’t I give you a hand?” Cady asks, already jumping to their feet. Janis jumps a little, taken aback by her new friend’s enthusiasm.

“Um… okay, sure,” she says. “Damian, can you set up the movie?” 

“On it, kids,” he replies. “Go make me a shitton of popcorn.” Janis leads Cady out of the living room, half holding their hand, and into the kitchen. If Cady feels the same awkwardness she does they do a good job of hiding it, caramel curls bouncing around their shoulders as they almost skip after Janis. 

“Hey can you grab some bowls for me?” she asks as she grabs popcorn out of the cupboards. “There’s some really big ones in the back of this cupboard here.” Cady nods and whisks around her kitchen, quick as the little lions they love so dearly, and emerges with three brightly coloured plastic bowls. Janis grins, especially at the size of them. “Amazing.”

“You know, back in Kenya, my mom would make popcorn for us sometimes, too,” Cady tells her.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. But instead of watching movies at night we’d sit outside and watch the animals roaming around.” Janis turns and catches the wistful look in her new friend’s eye. She almost sees it in her own mind, the kitchen floor transforming into a quiet, moonlit jungle. “But we’d be wrapped up in our blankets and sitting in our chairs and we knew we’d be safe. They weren’t pets but were our animals. And it was different every time.”

They duck their head then, hair falling in front of their face as a quiet, shaky breath escapes them. Janis rests her hand on their shoulder, drawn closer to the little jungle kid. 

“You must miss it there,” she whispers. “Africa, I mean.”

“A bit,” Cady confesses. “Sometimes.” They don’t cry, but their voice is thin and strained, and it’s not unfamiliar to Janis. “But I wanted to come here for years. And I’m glad I did. So...” Their voice trails off and Janis can only wince in sympathy as she runs her hand in circles around Cady’s shoulder. They pause, taking the moment together, and Cady leans closer to her until their head rests on her shoulder. A smile graces their face, small but so bright. “Thanks.”

“No problemo,” she replies. Just in time, the microwave goes off and the two open the door to steaming warm popcorn. They shake it out amongst the three bowls, both secretly adding stragglers to their own even if they’ll share with Damian later. Cady balances two in their hands while Janis tidies up after them and switches off the light. They step into the dimly lit hall and are just about to head to the living room when Janis stops suddenly, a new sense of strength creeping in. The last time she felt like this was when she was twelve, and was looking over at Damian on a similar night. Like something is locking in her heart, and she’s deciding, yep, we’re definitely keeping her. 

“Hey, Caddy?” she asks in a low voice. Cady turns, her eyes wide, and Janis feels herself soften. “I’m really glad you came tonight too.”

Cady grins, a kind of breathless gratitude on their face and goes to hug Janis, only to laugh and remember the popcorn at the last minute.

Janis hugs them on the couch to make up for it. 

Damian doesn’t mind, especially not when Maxie decides he wants to join the party too and cuddles up with Damian on the chair. Janis mumbles something about a “traitor dog” before slipping right back into the movie, quoting it word for word like it’s a second language. Cady raises their eyebrows, seemingly impressed by her ability, and Janis simply shrugs.

“It’s a gift,” she tells them. “Wait and see kiddo, soon we’ll have you quoting this movie off by heart.”

“How very,” Cady replies, and the three of them burst into late night giggles.

They put on Legally Blonde next, another classic Cady hasn’t seen. Cady even talks about how excited they are for it, but before Warner has even broken up with Elle, Janis looks down to find Cady curled up in a ball next to her, fast asleep. Janis  pulls the blanket over her, a rush of protectiveness flowing through her as she does so. It makes sense, she supposes. Cady is one of them now after all. They protect their own.

“Hey,” Damian’s voice comes as a loud whisper from across the room. He’s almost asleep himself, his hand slowly running through Maxie’s fur. He lazily points over at Cady, a crooked smile on his face. “You were right.”

Janis blinks in tired confusion until she realises what he’s referring to; that first day in French class, where Cady had so desperately tried to think of their ‘French name’. When Janis had leaned back in her chair and dropped a note on Damian’s desk. 

“We’re adopting them. That’s our new child” it had read and they went into that bathroom that day and never looked back.

“Yeah.” She turns to say something else, but finds Damian asleep too, Maxie curled up in his lap. Unlike Cady, he had no problem pulling the blanket over himself. She chuckles softly, the only sound in the otherwise quiet room. It’s his house too after all.

She gets up slowly, careful not to disturb Cady, and turns the movie off. They can watch it tomorrow morning after all. She settles down on the couch, right beside Cady again, and pretends that her eyes aren’t blurry. 

As she looks around the room, she finds her prize winning painting propped against the wall, and her cheeks flush at the sight. It had been a vague idea in her mind for a while, but when her teacher had told her to “draw from the heart”, it was the first contender. It’s silly and it’s cliche and it’s sappy; all the things she pretends she isn’t. But it’s also the most authentic piece she’s ever created, and that’s why she loves it so much. It’s all the bits of herself she used to be scared of, sitting on a canvas for all to see. The parts that are open and loving and unafraid. Creating it may have been scary, but the rewards go beyond the prize she won.

It occurs to her, in her fuzzy, half-asleep mind, that maybe that’s the reason it won. Maybe she should try it again sometime.

[voltagesmutter]

Jealously Head-Cannon: Shaw

Jealousy head-cannon with shocked boi pikachu

*Smut and NSFW*

Shaw didn’t care where you were, when his jealousy kicked in you sure as hell knew.

On a day out to the market, a man had smiled at you whilst you were alone waiting for Shaw to bring back some refreshments. You gave a simple smile back, looking around waiting for the lavender locks to come into your view but as you turned back the man before had taken a few strides towards you. ‘Pretty girl like you shouldn’t be left alone’ He raised an eyebrow to you as he came closer, you back away until you felt your back, back into someones chest, an arm coming over your waist. ‘What makes you think she’s alone?’ You relaxed against the familiar warmth of Shaw, ‘I suggest you fuck off and leave my girlfriend alone’. The tone of his voice sent the other man apologising with a mumble and backing away, Shaw spinning you to face him, the muscles in his arms tensing as held you close, you swear a tint of green traced over his amber eyes. He refused to let you go at any point of the day, keeping an iron grip and always in his eye-line, finally pulling you down an empty alleyway. His lips furiously pressing against yours, the anger and jealousy pulling through his actions as he bit your lip, pulling it between his teeth and letting it ping back. His hand traced over your body, the need for him to touch you properly became a desire you craved, regardless of where you was the bustling market still happening only around the corner. His lips moved to your neck, pressing a harsh mark over your pulse, a cry from your lips at the redding form. A mark, his mark, to warn off anyone else who even dared to look at you. Unable to resist him, your hands flew to his belt but the smirk on his face and wrists latching over your stopped you. Without a word, he lead you back onto the street, the desire for him burning within you at his teasing motions. It continued like this for the rest of the day until you was on your way home, both of you huddled close together on the bus.

You lent your head on his shoulder, the pleasant hum from you as he placed a hand on your thigh, squeezing it with re-assurance. Sitting at the back of the empty bus were you two, the only other being was the bus driver who was too focused to notice the pair of you. His fingertips tracing circles of your exposed thighs, why did you pick to wear a denim skirt, your legs automatically parting as they began to roam higher before dis-appearing under the mater. ‘Shaw’ it was so breathless against the crook of his neck, a plea for him to stop as he rubbed the tender fingers over your slit against your lace under. ‘Relax baby,’ was calm from his mouth as whispered into the shell of your ear, the heat of breath sending a clenching motion down into your core. The nerves inside you tingling with excitement and fear, sending your lower stomach ablaze. His fingers pushed aside your underwear, to rub against your slickening folds, a tremble in your lips against his neck. Coaxing his fingers with your wetness as he circled over your clit, the devious smile on his face as he pushed his index finger inside you. Your pearly teeth took the collar of his leather jacket in an attempt to withhold your moans, the shame of your wetness growing as another finger joined inside you. He pumped his fingers into you, the squelching sound of your wetness was loud enough for him to hear but not to travel to the front of the bus, Shaw’s eyes watching your body tremble in the seat to him. Adding his ring-finger inside, the coldness of his steel ring as he buried knuckles deep inside you a jolt of electricity against your core, your hand mercilessly gripping at the edge of the seat. His thumb flickering over your neglected clit, as the heat within you rose, the clenching of your walls over his fingers gave away your closeness. With a smirk, he got you right to the edge, attempting to remove his hand but the fierceness of your thighs clamping to prevent him withdrawing, the heavy pleading in your eyes as you gazed at him was too much for him to deny. ‘Don’t get us caught baby,’ he winked, thrusting his fingers back inside you as your head rolled onto his shoulder, every inch of self-control on high alert to keep you from crying out. His fingers hit the deep spot that caused the heavy release you seeked, the flood of essence drenching his hand and your thighs as you clenched tightly around him. The horn of the bus and another vehicle outside being a savour to cover the lewd moans that slipped from your lips. The triumphant look on Shaw’s face as he pulled his fingers out, bringing them to his lips, licking them clean before commenting ‘how he can’t wait to taste you properly’ sending a shiver down your spine. The next stop you came to Shaw pulled you off, the trail of wetness seeping into the fabric of the seat, also spreading over your thighs luckily covered by your skirt. 

Shaw always felt a switch flip inside him when it came to his brother, a rage within him to prove and dominate his claim to you over Gavin.

It was Gavin’s birthday and you insisted with Shaw that you celebrated all three of you, at first it was just the pair of them but given their previous history you decided it was best to not leave them alone. Inviting him over to Shaw’s apartment, the night went off without a hitch, until Gavin’s taxi home cancelled due to the down pouring storm that sent lightning crashing around the city. Refusing to let him fly home out of concern, he ended up residing in his Shaw’s guest room, the room located right next to Shaw and yours.

The flat of his tongue hovering just under your clit, the tiniest flinch of a flicker would release that deep calling ache within you, but again he denied you desired treasure. Your muscles clenching, your thighs clamping shut, the pressure just at boiling point crashing down, the withdrawal sending a pulse of ache throughout you. The tears that now ran down your cheeks, head thrown back in pure frustration, the pressure to bite back your lip to hold your moan subsided and without control ‘Shaw please’ trembled through your lips. “Louder baby,” through a shit-eating smirk, his fingertips slicked with the clear thick wetness, dripping from him as he held them up to admire the glossy liquid through the moonlight crack in the curtains. You had tried to not give into his jealous actions, knowing he wanted his brother to hear you, you calling out only his name but Shaw’s teasing grew to the point you was trembling under him. He flew into a jealous hiss after you spent a good part of the evening reminiscing with Gavin over your high school memories with a glass of wine. Shaw's arm possessively wraps around your waist, pressing a ghostly kiss to your neck each time Gavin looks away, sending goosebumps down your body. Each tease got worse, a finger circling your inner thigh, pushing his lips against yours as he nipped at your bottom lip as his fingers pressed against your clothed core whilst Gavin was in the bathroom; leaving you a flustered mess when he returned, Shaw with a low-key smirk. His jealousy came through his actions, teasing you to the point you saw stars, refusing you a release until you begged his name. You had tried and succeeded to bite back the moans for Gavin’s sake but the agony of your denied release was too much .‘Shaw’ you cried over and over, like a wave laps at the ocean, his thick cock now slamming into you in replacement of his fingers. The three build ups of being edged, the sensitivity of your core being at breakpoint, the first slam into you had your walls clenching him tight, a strangled growl from his lips. Unable to withhold the growing higher moans from within, ‘Shaw’ between each one, the attempted bitten back moan of your euphoric bliss which sent electric shocks down Shaw's spine. The explosion within you going off like a spectacular firework show, sparks and warmth flowing across your body. You could be heard from the bed on the side of the wall, Gavin trying to hold back the slight tears at the torture happening within the bedroom next door, the woman he had loved since a teen singing in the purest of harmonic pleasure for his brother. Shaw had planned it in his head from the minute he saw his brother place a hand on your thigh as you re-told a story of your shared experiences. He felt that thick line of self control snap in half life a twig at the cry she made when she came, never having heard her produce such a more desirable noise for him to hear. He couldn’t help but hold back the smirk as he cradled you in his chest after, knowing he had taught his older brother a valuable lesson, that you belonged to Shaw.

Did you return his jealously? Of course.

The small crowd of young girls had turned up to the live house for the third week in a row, one comment hitting your ears, ‘the bass guitarist is so fit’. The pure hatred towards of them coursed through your veins, they was here to see your man and you would be damned if you would let Shaw’s eye wander from you (Not that they ever would). Flashing your id to the backstage pass, allowing entry you seeked out your lavender-haired boyfriend, determined to give him a good luck charm he would always remember. You found him in the confinements of the outdoor smoking shelter, a reserved space flooded with cardboard boxes and hidden from any prying eyes. ‘Hey babe,’ He smiled, throwing the end of cigarette butt to the floor, you steamed over pushing him against the wall with force as your lips met. He stunned slightly at the action before meeting your lips back with the matching force, his hands buried in your hair as you ran yours down the front of his chest. Reaching his trousers you palmed him over his jeans, a slightly hardness beginning to grow with your actions as he pulled his lips off yours, ‘What’s gotten into you,” he flashed you his mischievous smirk, the pure adulterated lust for his man flooded you. ‘Just shut up,’ you hissed at him, hands flying to undo his belt as you dropped to yours knees. Pulling out his hardening cock, your mouth buried it inside, the hiss falling from his mouth at the pressure you delivered. A gloved hand flew to your head as he thrusted into you, fucking your mouth with pure content, a risk of anyone walking in and finding you. ‘There baby,” He groaned, throwing his head back, the grip of his hand becoming tighter as you worked him harder. ‘2 minutes to go guys,’ A voice called out in the corridor, Shaw panting against the wall as your face pressed hard against his pubic bone, the meatiness of his cock spreading your mouth wide as he hit the back of your throat. A few more thrusts and a strangled groan, he shot his seed at the back into your throat, you humming with pleasure as you lapped over his cock with a swallow. Pulling yourself up as he panted for a moment, before pulling himself back into his trousers, pressing a heavy kiss to you. ‘What was that all about,” He winked at you. ‘I just wanted to give you a small taster of what's happening the minute you get off that stage,” You purred, leaning over and licking the crook of his neck. Shaw had never prayed for a set to be over so fast, refusing to go back onstage after the final song, too busy ploughing into you from behind in one of the dis-abled bathrooms. 

[dukearchive]

When the Moon Found the Sun

By Skyler Graham

PART I: THE MOON I’ve always been fascinated with lights: Christmas lights, street lights, illuminated advertisements surrounding the skyscrapers of uneasy cities. There is something comforting about these contained fireworks, something calming yet invigorating in sustaining hope in the darkness. This light, however, may also be a destructive force. As my mother grew in her career and my father fell in his, tension in the house became the firecrackers of a once glowing family. No lights, just jolting explosions of anger. I felt my dad giving into his insecurities, allowing his wife’s success to feast on his ego. Yet, rather than establishing a sense of equilibrium, he became the guilty victim of female domination. No job turned into no friends. When you only have one adult to socialize with, conversations turn into arguments.  A joker turns into a hermit.    I spent winter months silencing their screams with a complete infatuation with the fireplace. I focused all of my energy on the flames; if I could match my breath with the rise and fall of each quivering light, perhaps I could stay distracted long enough to forget why I needed a breathing tutorial in the first place.

But the screams only continued. My mom kicked the garage door shut, one hand grasping a cup of ice and the other a bottle of Tito’s. “Don’t worry about it, asshole. Just stay in the house, like you do all day, while I’m out working for this family.” “For this family? You’re never home!” This had become my parents’ daily routine: ignore each other throughout the day, argue about familial obligations and financial irresponsibility, anesthetize the anger with liquor, wake up, and repeat. Wash, rinse, repeat. I distracted myself at school; I focused on wall clocks and bus windows and half-completed math worksheets with lyrics doodled across the page. I stared into spinning washing machines and living room rugs and TV screens and interstate billboards. I stared out the window on every car ride, untouched by the heat rising from arguments at home. When I was sixteen, I glared at the bathroom mirror, finding only the reflection of a reckless dreamer with a warring psyche. My parents were in marital purgatory by this time; they knew the end was approaching, but they were still trapped in the same house by laws and loans and realtors. They were too occupied with hating each other, though, that my reckless bursts of naivety went unchallenged. My worries embraced a pair of scissors and a box of bleach. “Damn,” I whispered. “Now I look like a fucking Wal-Mart brand Kurt Cobain.” It was nearly one in the morning, but I couldn’t sleep. The light of the full moon radiated on the cigarette butts and stolen jewelry resting on my windowsill. There’s an everlasting magic to moonlight; not merely in its aesthetic brilliance, but in the effortless coexistence of the sun and moon. I admired how the sun highlights his lunar partner, allowing her to carry the tides and sustain hope in the darkness. He asks nothing in return. And the moon, shining on my orange-blonde head, willingly hides in the morning and allows the sun to warm the earth; she asks nothing in return. Their sacrifices are not of hopeful reciprocity, but a selfless balance of their earthly children. I lit a white candle and kneeled by my window. “God, or gods, or whatever powers control our universe, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who I am, or who I’m becoming. I know, I’ve been acting out lately. I guess I’m just confused. But I need some type of balance; I can’t keep pretending like it’s okay — like I’m okay — when I want to be there for my family but I’m always put in the middle and I have no one to talk to and I’m scared of what Mason thinks and—” My mom came in and sat on the edge of my bed, the home of my nightmares and tear-stained pillowcases. Ignored the candle. “I can’t do this anymore, Steph. I can’t — everything I do is for you and your brother. I want to be home with you guys more, I do, but I can’t when he—,” her tears stifled her cries. But it didn’t matter — I knew what she meant. I knew what she felt. I could read her fearful despondency and immediately understand her confusion. How did her marriage end up like this? How could she escape? I didn’t know if my empathy was purely intuition or something greater (or if there’s a difference), but I knew she was desperate for change. I blew out the candle as she shuffled through the doorway. “So Mote It Be.” *** After my dad moved out, my mom introduced me to our next-door neighbor, Mike. He had lived next to us for months, but the only thing I knew about him was that his motorcycle, Jeep, and Mustang were cleaner than his soul. “Hey Mike, I’m Stevie.” A backwards snapback and graying beard looked up from his phone. “Oh, hey — yeah, your mom’s told me all about you. Said you might want to babysit my girls.” Great. This guy has kids? “Uh, sure,” I responded. “How old are they?” “Two and six,” he grumbled. “I love ‘em, but damn, it’s a difficult age.” I awkwardly laughed. “Yeah, just wait until they’re teena-” “Oh I know,” he interrupted. “I got another daughter about your age. We don’t talk much though.” My mom came out and proudly gestured to our backyard. “Look at what Mason did!” The grass was cut, the bushes trimmed, and the dirt stains on the fence were covered with a fresh layer of white paint. “Mike showed him how,” she said. “Mason, of course, complained the whole time.” She crossed her arms and looked away, squinting vaguely at the fruits of a renewed suburban paradise. “He would be used to all this work, you know, if your dad taught him better.” I hated that; the universal “Dad” had turned into “your dad,” as if he was an unknown figure in her life. As if they never met. I don’t know — maybe that was her way of hiding in the flames. *** PART II: THE SUN “Just let me know when you’re coming, and I’ll open the garage.” Mike invited me over that night, offering beer and a backyard bonfire in exchange for some company. My mom and Mike had become good friends, sharing time, vacations, and secrets with each other. My mom was on a business trip that night and unable to console her friend. I, however, was in town, bored, and seventeen without a fake ID. I walked over to his house in the same tan dress and cowgirl boots I wore to a concert that night. He was sitting alone in the backyard staring at tattoos on his wrist. “Annabelle,” it said. Is that the older daughter? One of the younger ones? One of the mothers? What happened between them? I sat down next to him in a plastic lawn chair. “What’s been going on, man?” I knew he needed comfort. But I had to remain cautious. “My friend’s girlfriend has been texting me all night — crying to me, complaining about her boyfriend and all this other shit.” Mike handed me a beer. “I’d love to help her — hell, she’s only nineteen and needs some type of guidance — but I don’t mess with girls in relationships. Not something I’m tryna get involved in.” “Doesn’t it bother you that she’s, ya know, nineteen?” “Age doesn’t bother me — I like younger girls anyway. Once they get to a certain age, women just — aren’t fun anymore. Young girls are exciting, they want to go out, they want to try… new things. After about, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, they’re not interested. They’re not interesting.”

“We just understand each other. We’re going through the same things, we can joke around and go out and talk about anything,” my mom sighed and smiled, then briefly glanced down. “He just doesn’t want a relationship, I guess… but neither do I. We’re just friends. Just friends.”

Mike opened another beer. “Was he at least good in bed?” He was asking about my ex-boyfriend; Mike knew him and watched his minivan creep out of my driveway almost every Friday night that spring. I broke up with him that June after months of frustration with his insecurities manifesting themselves as emotional dependency. I was tired of giving more than having — I didn’t want to take anything, just have: have mutual friends; have kind conversations with each others’ parents; have a reciprocal love. There is magic to mutualism, a feeling that transcends the power derived from systems of domination. I guess some people aren’t prepared for that type of power. It’s easy to succumb to others’ control, and tempting to take that control for yourself. It is grueling, however, to accept the power that lies in its absence. “Honestly, no. It felt like it was always about him; whenever he came, we were done. It felt like my only purpose was to satisfy him. I always just wanted it to be over.” He poured a shot for me. “Don’t worry honey, it won’t always be like that. You just need a man with experience to treat you right. Find an older man, someone who knows what he’s doing.”

“But I trust him. Even if we’re not “dating,” I know I can rely on him. I know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me or you guys. Yes, he’s tough on your brother, but he’s just trying to teach him. He wants the best for you guys.”

I stared at the bonfire. I could look only at the bonfire. If I looked in his eyes, he would take it as an invitation. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket. “You ever watch porn?” Fuck. “My ex and I, we used to make our own,” he continued. “Wanna see?” I couldn’t see the flames anymore. I felt them rising to my face, but the flood of alcohol suffocated them. I couldn’t say no. It wasn’t really a question to begin with. And he wasn’t doing anything wrong, right? He didn’t touch me or make me do anything, right? Why am I so worried? I thought, I can trust him. I can trust him. Can I trust him? The flames kept growing. I handed back his phone, a drunk half-grin on my face. “Nice. A fine piece of cinema, Mike.” He ignored my sarcasm, as expected. He stood up and motioned toward his bulging crotch. “Look what you did to me, Stevie.” The flames were now in my cheeks and knees and hands and I couldn’t escape. He stumbled toward me. “All this sex talk, you got me feeling different.” I laughed. He didn’t. He looked me up and down, his hands in his pockets. “You know, if you weren’t my neighbors’ daughter, I would so have sex with you right now.”

“So nothing happened?” I asked, “And you guys were staying in the same room?” My mom sighed. “Nope. Nothing on New Years’ either. Whatever.” She stirred her drink. “I just don’t understand — what is it about me? Why don’t guys like me?” I felt her concerns, a nauseating red-green-blue energy pouring from her soul. “Don’t worry about them,” I explained. “Most guys are assholes anyway. You don’t need them.”

I walked back home. It was 7:00 AM. The moon was out of sight, her solar partner taking control. *** “Thanks for hanging with Mike, by the way,” my mom said after she got home. “I know he was feeling down and just wanted someone to talk to.” “Yeah, of course. We had a good time.” Mason looked up. “No kidding, you didn’t come home until five in the morning.” My mom’s eyes went cold. The red-blue aura had returned. “You what? Why? What were you guys doing?” The flames were back. This time, they were ashes swirling in the pit of my stomach. “Nothing, just talking.” “Talking about?” “I know I don’t need them; I’m better off without your dad than I was with him. But it’s still nice to have someone — you know, someone you can trust and talk to without any tension.” I watched my mom’s emotion shift to a pale yellow. She put down her drink and looked at me with hope shining through her eyes. “And I feel like that’s what I have with Mike. I know, we’re not “dating”, but things could turn around.”

I exhaled. “Nothing.” *** “Dinner’s here, just come in when you’re ready,” my mom texted me. I walked over to Mike’s to grab a slice of pizza and leave; I did not want to be back in that house any longer than I needed to. My mom still didn’t know what we talked about — what he talked about — and neither Mike nor I had the heart to tell her.    I walked in to my mom playfully laughing at one of Mike’s jokes. The ashes began swirling. He didn’t care. She didn’t know. I walked in to both of them ignoring my presence, one out of infatuation and the other out of arrogance. Or fear. The flames started rising. No “Hello,” no “How was your day?”, no “Sorry I hit on you despite the fact I’m old enough to be your father and your mom is obviously obsessed with me.” Nothing. The fire kept burning. Mike finally put down his pride long enough to acknowledge me. “Hey Stevie, could you run out to the garage and get me another beer?” The fires are rising higher and higher Uncontained Unrestrained I stomp into the garage. I grudgingly open the fridge and my elbow knocks over his “bar.” The Mustang. There’s vodka and whiskey and cheap mixers all over the hood of that damn Mustang. Maybe if you spent less time worrying about your vehicles, Mike, you could see the truth. You could see what I see. The fires are now swirling, exploding from the inside out. I can feel it in my stomach and chest and hands and feet. I harness it, however, and focus on the car. I focus on the flames. I focus all my energy — all my anger and resentment — on sparking the conveniently flammable coating of his prized possession. I watch the fire rise and fall, then rise again, then spread through the window into the car’s interior. She’s melting, Mike, and you can’t save her. I can’t hear your screams, either, as I am consumed by the flames. Consumed, but in control. Finally taking control of all of my worries, all of the anxieties I hid with bleach and stolen jewelry. I can harness this energy under the guiding moonlight. Some of us can maintain harmony with our souls and our surroundings. And some of us — most of us —  aren't prepared for that type of power.

[nananaptime]

Request scenario : na jaemin and (y/n) bff since they're smol and grew up together, now at high school when (y/n) meets a guy (can be one of the dreamies) who likes her, jaemin gets jealous bcs the guy is literally stealing her away, thankies♡ I luv u and ur writing so much author nim♡♡♡

Open Your Eyes

This took so long, oops xD

I hope you like it

MasterlistRules

Genre: Angsty?

Word count: 2 401

Summary: Being in love with your best friend becomes obvious once there’s a reason for jealousy.

~

Jaemin gave me a confused look as I skipped towards where my bike was parked outside the apartment complex and giggled as I approached him with it at my side. A judging look crossed his face as I the sound resonated from my throat, causing it to become even louder. He sighed, fighting the smile willing to appear on his face.

“What are you so happy about? Please, give me my normal friend back.” We climbed onto our bikes and started biking towards our local high school. He received my explanation all the while, listening and scoffing at the reason behind my giddiness. “So you’re reacting like this because someone new is joining our year? I knew you liked meeting new people but wow, not to this extent.” I shook my head at his teasing comments, knowing he meant nothing by it.

“From what I hear, he’ll be in my English and history classes, and I’ll do everything in my power to make him feel welcome. You know new students more often than not have a hard time adapting to school life with new people, especially when transferring in the middle of a semester.” He nodded, acknowledging the fact but not fighting the small pout that soon appeared on his face.

“Yeah, but someone else can do that, we were supposed to eat out at the bleachers today, and then you said you’d watch me practice my dancing after school.” The whiney tone grew with every word and I giggled at his behaviour.

“He can join us can’t he? If I’m not incorrect, I’ve snapped up that he dances as well so maybe you two can exchange tips or something. I’m not trusting someone else with the important task of making someone else feel welcome.” I caught the huff which left Jaemin’s lips but no more arguments followed it, and so we biked the rest of the way in peace.

We parted ways with a hug once we reached the school, him having to attend his science class and I, my English class.

There was already a boy talking to the teacher when I arrived, seemingly settling details such as the coursebook and what he already knew from his last school. He was clad in a slightly oversized hoodie with a pair of black jeans. I waited until they were done before approaching the desk with a smile. Ms, Williams had a knowing look in her eyes, silently thanking me for what she knew I was about to offer.

“Ms, Williams! Knowing how difficult it is to find students who have the time and want to introduce a new student to the school, I’m more than happy to shoulder the responsibility.” Ms, Williams’ smile grew as I finished my sentence and she instantly agreed, finding the idea to be exceptional. She encouraged the new student to connect with me today and suggested being seatmates in her class, knowing that might spur some conversation during the practical half of the class. With that said, I threw the new student a smile, relieved to see that he was already smiling back at me, seemingly not having anything against spending some time with me.

As we sat down, I introduced myself and found out that his name was Jeno in the process. His smile was so bright that his eyes were almost impossible to spot and just the sight of it caused another smile to appear on my lips. During the class, I spent most of the time explaining what we had been going over the past couple of weeks and later helped him as much as I could with the practical exercises. The entire ordeal was filled with laughter and jokes and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten this close to someone this quick before. Well, except for Jaemin.

Just before bidding each other goodbye I asked whether or not he’d the willing to join me and Jaemin for lunch later on. He shone up as soon as my enquiry registered and accepted with immense energy. Then he thanked me for giving him something to look forward to before being on his way to geography class.

The rest of the morning, I had a difficult time concentrating on what the teachers said, math had never come easy to me either way and hence, not concentrating did not make the challenge smaller. All I could think about was whether or not Jaemin would click with Jeno just as much as I did. He usually got along with everybody, so it shouldn’t be that much of an issue, but for some reason, I had a bad feeling at the bottom of my belly.

Jaemin met me outside the classroom and accompanied me to the cafeteria where we fetched our food. I didn’t get responses that was satisfactory while describing my encounter with Jeno. This only resulted in my bad feeling becoming worse and I threw a glare his way.

“Dude, you haven’t even met him, give him a chance before adapting that whiney personality you so regularly seem to display.” I accepted my food with gratitude and turned to him, stopping in the doorway to wait for Jeno to join us.

“He’s just a guy, no need to put him on such a pedestal.” I rolled my eyes as Jaemin sourly popped a potato tot into his mouth.

“Just you wait, you’ll like him, you like everybody, you don’t have it in you to dislike someone once you’ve met them, no matter how much you might want to.” He scoffed at me before stealing one of my fries. “Hey, you have your own food!” I exclaimed and laughed, moving my tray of food away from him.

“You took the last fries though!” He tried snatching yet another one but I smacked his hand away, causing him to retrieve it in fake shock. “Oh, now you’ve done it!” My shrieks caused many faces to turn our way as Jaemin’s finger found its way to my side, resulting in me crumbling in fits of laughter and screams, desperately trying to stabilize my tray of food in my arms while avoiding his attacks like the plague.

The ruckus ended only when someone cleared their throat beside us.

“Jeno!” I exclaimed, giving him a smile in return of the one he displayed on his face. “Jeno, this is my best friend Jaemin. Nana, this is Jeno.” Jeno extended his hand for a greeting which Jaemin accepted, albeit unwillingly. I bumped his shoulder, shooting him a meaningful look, telling him to be nice. With a small roll of his eyes, he turned his frown into a smile, putting in an effort to engage in some kind of conversation with Jeno. Satisfied with the current course of events, I started walking towards the bleachers, the boys behind me having a conversation regarding some new video game I wasn’t familiar with.

I sat down on one of the cold, metal benches outside, with Jaemin taking a seat next to me and Jeno on the bench further down in front of me, turned the wrong way around in order to exert some social sense. He joined in my and Jaemin’s talk about his upcoming dance recital which turned into me investigating his own dance story and what style he prefered. I could feel Jaemin’s eyes burning into the side of my face but did my best to ignore it, more surprised than anything as to why he wasn’t happy to talk about his biggest interest.

I asked Jeno if he could show us some moves, which he declined, explaining that he needed to warm up if he was to do any move justice. I heard Jaemin scoff at this and glanced at him, seeing him with his eyes turned to his food which he was just poking around at with his fork. Jeno’s smile faltered slightly but he continued socializing happily, not letting Jaemin’s rude behaviour get him down.

“You could show me another time then! We have many dance rooms at the school due to it being an extracurricular activity.”

“That’s a good idea!  I might need to buy new dancing shoes though, but I think I have the time to do that today after school. I need to check out this city anyway.” He took a bite of his food.

“If you want, I could accompany you and show you around. Wouldn’t want you getting lost.” All he could do was laugh at my joke, and nodded to accept my request.

“Y/N… You said you’d watch me dance after school.” I turned my attention to Jaemin and my heart broke slightly at the sad expression on his face, a small pout adorning his lips.

“Ah… Yes, I forgot about that. Can we postpone it? I mean, I’ve watched you dance so many times, it’s not like I’m missing anything, right?” His eyes shifted down to his food and a small “Yes” left his lips, leaving me feeling incredibly guilty. Before we could continue the conversation, the bell went off, alerting us of the end of lunch.

The shoe shopping had been quite enjoyable, especially since it had been followed by a cup of coffee at my favourite café as well as a visit to the bookstore and the game store, indulging in one interest each. We then bid each other goodbye at the bus stop as we were going in different directions and hence, catching different busses. We also decided to meet up earlier at the school library the next day as he needed some help with the History material he had gotten from their history teacher.

That’s where I was when my phone started ringing on the table beside me. I realised my mistake when I noticed the caller ID and answered it with a timid “hello”.

“Y/N, where are you, I’ve been waiting outside your place for ten minutes now and you’re never late.” The guilt instantly took hold of me.

“I am so sorry, Nana. I forgot to let you know that I was going to school earlier today. I’m helping Jeno with some school work.” I heard him suppress a groan.

“You’re with Jeno?”

“Yeah, he needed-”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I’ll see you later.” Then he hung up. I looked at the phone, feeling a lump in my belly at the thought of having hurt my best friend. My best friend whom I’ve tried suppressing my feelings for the last couple of years. My best friend who’s never left my side and always prioritised me, even over himself. which I’ve scolded him for on several occasions. I knew my own faulty traits, one of them being focusing all my energy on one event or one person and hence forgetting everything else around me. I can’t believe I let it affect Jaemin like this.

“You okay?” Jeno asked carefully, giving me a sympathetic look. I nodded slightly.

“Yeah! Yeah, let’s finish this before our classes start shall we.” I received another nod and we continued in silence, only talking when he had a question.

I didn’t see Jaemin until lunch, which he was spending alone by a table in the corner of the cafeteria, earphones in and ignoring the world around him. I fetched my food and sat down in front of him. He glanced up at me before removing his earphones with a sigh and putting them in his pocket.

“Nana, I really am sorry.”

“It’s fine, who am I to decide who you can and can’t hang out with.” He didn’t look at me as he said it and every word had been dipped in bitterness. A small sigh left my lips, trying to think of how I could fix this.

“You have dance practice this afternoon as well, right?” He nodded and continued eating. “I’ll join you then and you can show me what you’ve been working on!” I attempted to smile at him but it fell as quickly as I’d manage to conjure it.

“I can dance alone, you go spend time with Jeno.” Then he left to leave his now empty tray, leaving me alone at the table.

I decided to show up anyway. Maybe my stubborn personality would manage to win him over. I was not going to let this fight pull us apart, we had too many years of friendship under our belt for that.

He was warming up when I arrived at the dance studio, stretching down to reach his toes, which he didn’t succeed with but was satisfied with either way. He noticed me in the mirror as he stood to his full length again, cocking one eyebrow as to enquire the reason behind my presence.

“I thought I said I’d be fine on my own.”

“Yeah, but I wanted to watch you dance, you know how much I love seeing you do what you love.” He scoffed slightly, however, with less resentment than before.

“You sure you wouldn’t rather be with your new bestie?” This time, it was my turn to scoff and roll my eyes.

“You know that I’m allowed to have more friends than you right? I know I screwed up and I apologized for it, no need to be mean about it.”

“Of course you’re allowed to have friends, I just wish it didn’t rub the fact that that’s exactly what I am in my face.” He kept his eyes on the mirror, as he stretched his arms.

“What? What are you talking about Nana?” An unbelievable laugh left his lips and he turned to me.

“Y/N, I don’t want to be your friend. I never wanted to be just your friend.” My brain did not make the connection as fast as I would’ve liked.

“So, what? You don’t want to hang out with me anymore?” Another laugh and he shook his head at me.

“I really need to force your eyes open, huh?” The confusion written on my face caused him to approach me, stopping only inches away from me. “Y/N, I don’t want to be your friend, I want to be your boyfriend.” My breath hitched in my throat. He glanced down to my lips. “Would a kiss be inappropriate or would it be an action ending on a happy note?”

Instead of answering him, I cradled his face and pressed my lips to his in a soft kiss.

[princessselene126]

Hey yall, emotional abuse, physical pain (not self harm, just illness pain), brief mention of periods, and shitty parents tws coming up.

So i generally try to keep my personal life off here unless I won’t be posting for a while and want to let you know why (like i did with my ear infection.), but I’m having a really bad week and a half and desperately need to vent. Feel free to completely ignore this because I don’t expect anyone to respond, I just need to get everything off my chest--although any suggestions as to what the fuck I should do are more than welcome.

My dad and stepmom have been controlling any emotionally abusive for pretty much my entire life--because you know, abuse doesn’t just start randomly and it’s not something that you can easily fix.

Anyway. When I went home for my ear infection, my stepmom got kinda mad about it. Mad might be the wrong word, controlling is probably better. I didnt tell her or my dad that I was coming home to see the doctor for a few reasons:

I knew if I told them, they’d tell me i should tough it out and go to class

They’d say that i was being over dramatic and that it couldn’t possible hurt that bad

They’d ask why I couldn’t have seen a doctor in Milwaukee (where my college is and 1.5 hours from home), why I needed to come home for something like that.

So I didn’t tell them. While I was home my stepmom texted me asking how I was doing. At the time she didn’t know I had an ear infection or that I was home, so of course like the idiot I am, I was honest and told her I came home sunday night. Seriously I think honesty is my fatal flaw. She, of course, asked why and I told her that “I cant think right now, let alone take a bus somewhere I’ve never been before. I tried to get into the dr at school, but they dont have any openings until wednesday.” I was able to get into my doctor at home on monday, two full days before I would have been able too at school, so it seems logical that id go home right? I couldnt hear out of my right ear anyway, so it’s not like I would have been able to pay attention in class and actually learn anything. 

She drops it or that day.

But my stepmom, being my stepmom, of course texts me back a few days later (fthursday or friday i think) because she thinks that I should have tried harder to find a doctor here. She said, and I fucking quote this entire goddamn text 

Hey so I just want to clarify with you ... you could have gone to a dr there you know? You guys didn’t have to come all the way home and back. good lord. Just find a clinic thats an urgent care or er. you might have had to pay more out of pocket, but so what? And you have 2 insuraces, so that wouldve helped more too. Just saying. So I thought I’d let you know instead of doing all that craziness back and forth. Make it easier on yourself next time kiddo.

And this has me fucking livid because:

I literally explained to her why I didn’t find someone in Milwaukee days before. 

She’s insinuating that it’s too inconvenient for my mom to come get me.

And my stepdad had off on tuesday, so he gladly took me back too school. No questions asked. No complaints. He even bought my antibiotics for me (which I was totally prepared to pay the $10 for myself) before we left.

She’s talking down to me as if I had no idea that I could do this.

I can’t afford to pay more out of pocket right now, even if I might (read: MIGHT) get reimbursed for it later.

Going home literally WAS making it easier on myself.

So I send a screenshot of this text to my mom of course, and she replies almost immediately just going off. My mom and I havent always had the best relationship (she has some emotionally abusive habits too, but she knows about most of them, acknowledges them, and tries her best to fix them), but I know that she will always be there for me. She’s that person who will drive an hour and a half just to come make sure someone is okay, and she has done so 2-3 times in my 2 years at college. She doesn’t care if I’m 45 and living on the other side of the country, she will drive or by a plane ticket to hep me if/when need it. So my mom is beyond pissed off that my stepmom would ever imply that coming to get me, take care of me, is an inconvenience.

I reply a simple “i know” to my stepmom, because I know better than to give her a long winded explanation. She’ll just come back at me with an even longer block of text basically telling me how wrong/stupid i was to not just see a dr in the area.

And of course, of fucking course, she replies with a long block of text anyway basically telling me the same fucking thing. She does this several times and I keep doing the “i know” “yeah” “okay” thing because I just didn’t have the fucking ENERGY you guys. 

But then she says 

my goodness you’re a peach sometimes. Just trying to help and maybe you guys didn’t think of that. 

So by this point in time my patience was completely GONE. I have absolutely none left. I know when my stepmom calls me a peach it’s just her “nice” way of saying “you’re being a fucking bitch.” ((Keep in mind this entire time I was taking screenshots and sending them to my mom so she could be mad with me.)) And so I fucking went off in the nicest way possible. I tell her

no, you’re trying to be in control of the situation that had absolutely nothing to do with you

I was going to just try going to a dr the next morning, but then my mom called and I was crying and she asked if I wanted to come home, so I said yes. It wasn’t an inconvenience to her, though it feels like you’re trying to make it seem that way. And [stepdad] had off so he was easily able to take me back.

I’m not an idiot, im an adult fully capable of doing things myself. But i also recognized that I needed help and accepted it when my mom noticed I did as well

Because yes. I was in so much pain that I was actually crying from it. I usually have a decent pain tolerance (horrific period cramps will do that to a person), but for some reason whenever I say that I’m genuinely in pain my stepmom never seems to think it could be “that bad.” And... that’s exactly how that went. I was soooo prepared to just tough it out and wait until Wednesday if I absolutely had to. But then my mom called and I may be 20 years old but there are those times when you’re an adult and you just need your parent. You need your parent to tell you it’s going to be okay. You need your parent to hold and comfort you. You need your parent to take you to the dr. And for me this was one of those times. I so very rarely ask for help but this time i needed it, and there’s no reason for my stepmom (or anyone) to make me feel like I should be ashamed of that.

So she said something brief to that and I didn’t reply back. Ne next moring she sends me another text starting off with something along the lines of “I’m hurt by how you treated me last night...” and I didn’t read the rest because I knew it would make me mad. I did, however send a screenshot to my mom again.

The next day I call both my mom and my paternal grandma to talk about this entire conversation.

My mom thinks that I should cut off ties with them for at least a few months because this has been overwhelming me so much. I agree with her, but I’m concerned about my younger siblings (not that they’ll get hurt or anything, but that I won’t be able to see them) and also my aunt is getting married in may.

And my grandma was livid too. She’s never liked my stepmom because she’s always thought that she’s treated me like shit. (For a long time i mistakenly believed that my stepmom was a better person than my mom, but I was an impressionable child/teenager then). My grandma and I talked about times when stepmom made me feel bad about myself or treated me as lesser than my half siblings. And my grandma agrees that I should keep my distance, but she asked me to not cut ties, and to keep a decent amount of peace, until after my aunt’s wedding.

Which I understand. I get it. I love my aunt a lot and I truly dont want to cause any problems at her wedding, she deserves the world. But at the same time I don’t know how much longer I can take this you guys. I’m supposed to go to a water park for a night with my dad, stepmom, and siblings during my spring break (it was a christmas present from my dad to the family) and I’m absolutely dreading it. I don’t want to go. My mom says I should just lie and say I have to work, but again, fatal flaw here is honesty, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that. I want to see my siblings too, but I really need to start taking care of myself.

I’ve spent far too long worrying about my family even after not living at home for the last two years. I need to take care of myself. I do. But I honestly don’t know how to do that without causing a family feud in the process.

And the reason this was all triggered again today (after not having talked to anyone on my dad’s side since saturday) is because I got a call from a random number while I was in class today. It was a call from my home city and whoever it was left a voicemail. In the back of my mind I started worrying that it was my dad and that he wanted to talk me into not being upset with my stepmom (he’s a terrible person too but that’s a rant for a different day).

I have yet to listen to it because the idea of talking about this with him makes me nauseous. At the same time, not knowing who called is making me overwhelmingly anxious. I don’t know what would be best:

Ignoring the voicemail, or listening to it and potentially having to talk to my dad?

Toughing out being around my family until after the wedding, or risk causing a family feud by cutting ties?

I just... I’m so lost you guys.

[saveyourheartforme]

The Entire Folklore Storyline Pieced Together

so I’ve given it some thought and I think this is how the Folklore story comes together.

Disclaimers: obviously this is my interpretation I could be 100% wrong and am open to suggestions

also some fragments of this have come from twitter/instagram/other tumblr posts ive read over the past few days but I put the pieces together on my own (if this has been said already by someone else im so sorry and full credit to you but i havent read a full theory anywhere else yet <3)

our story starts with seven: betty is young and completely naive. the summer she is seven years old she meets Inez, who has an abusive father, hence the part 

“And I've been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted Your dad is always mad and that must be why And I think you should come live with me And we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry”

they become incredibly close that summer because inez spends a ton of time at betty’s house to escape her father. they cease to be friends at some point after the end of this song due to the fact that they developed feelings for each other but were too scared to be public with a relationship (”hide in the closet” line). betty starts to date james in high school. 

cardigan: we pretty much already know that this is betty’s POV of the love triangle situation and the heartbreak she feels about the breakup and being cheated on. however i have a theory that betty was in love with inez and james was there to fill that void she felt after losing her friendship with inez and hence the hope that it would become more. hear me out. references to “heels” and “black lipstick” which are associated more with girls. “playing hide of seek” seems childlike, which is a reference to the time betty and inez spent together in “seven”. finally, “when you are young they assume you know nothing” could reference the fact that adults often tell kids they’re too young to know their sexuality. the song is also about james though, the song in its entirety symbolizes how the people betty thinks she can trust the most and who love her the most (james, inez) both betray her. hence the mingled references to both james and inez

august: the POV of Inez. she develops stronger feelings for james than she intended. however she also has feelings for betty but never told her. the song is a double reference to the summers she would spend with betty when she was young and they were exploring their sexualities with one another and her being with james. i think that maybe she only got with james at first because she wanted to ruin his relationship with betty out of jealousy but fell for james accidentally in the process

betty: the POV of james, who has no idea about the history between inez and betty. the reason why betty doesn’t “believe a word [Inez] says” is because they have fractured trust after the end of their friendship. however inez feels guilty about betraying betty and tells her about her and james. james is trying to win her forgiveness in this song by showing up at a party betty is having at her house. betty tentatively forgives james but does not get back together with him and permanently terminates her friendship with inez. james is heartbroken that betty wont get back with him.

this is me trying: james continues to try and win betty over again. he starts drinking to make himself feel better and begins to do badly in school (”i got wasted like all my potential”). however he really puts in effort to get betty back

mirrorball: inez reflects on her life. living with her abusive father made her desperate to be loved/cared for. so she “change[s] everything about [her] to fit in” just so she can get that affection. essentially she becomes who she thinks people want her to be to get the love she never got from her father. betty and james were both people who she felt like she could be herself around (”you are not like the regulars”). at the end when she talks about performing to keep them looking at her it is about how she desperately wanted to keep them both. unfortunately she lost both of them

between songs betty decides to get back with james and they get married. they genuinely love each other. inez moves to st louis.

invisible string: the honeymoon phase of james and bettys relationship after marriage. they think they are meant to be together and everything that happened was meant to happen. also addresses how james and betty met when they were young (betty would read at the park and james worked across the street from the park in a yogurt shop and they would run into one another)

peace: their relationship hits a rough patch. their “coming of age has come and gone”. the honeymoon period is over. james says he “never had strength in his convictions as long as dangers near” meaning he has a hard time staying faithful. he does love her but makes a lot of mistakes (including talking shit with his friends about her) basically this song is a warning but solidifies that he loves her regardless of what happens

illicit affairs: james cheats again. also could be inez reflecting on her affair with james from a more mature lens now that shes older. she feels a lot of regret about it 

mad woman: betty finds out about james cheating a second time and is obviously pissed. james tries to spin it so she forgives him but she’s done. 

exile: same time as mad woman: talks about how they both feel loss at the end of their relationship

james marries the woman he cheated on betty with but he still loves betty and the marriage is short lived

hoax: betty is completely heartbroken over everything that has happened to her. she feels really alone and still wants to cling to the love james felt for her. she looks for signs and reasons to go back to him but finds none.

james joins the military after his second divorce with the woman he cheated with. betty moves to st louis (yes the city inez lives in)

the 1: betty heals from her past and becomes confident in herself again. the line “i thought i saw you at the bus stop i didn’t though is her seeing inez but thinking its impossible. she reflects on her past feelings for both james and inez. eventually her and inez run into each other and rekindle their friendship. they discuss their past together (” it wouldve been fun if you wouldve been the one”) they are happy being friends. they are each others “chosen family”

epiphany: james dies in battle while in the army, but thinks of betty for the rest of his life and regrets what happened

my tears ricochet: betty finds out about james’ death in combat and is completely heartbroken even though she thought she was over him (”if im dead to you why are you at the wake cursing my name wishing id stayed” = betty mourning him despite saying she didnt care anymore and wishing theyd stayed together). betty feels haunted by james now and regrets a lot that happened

the last great american dynasty: after this event betty needs a change. she begins to go by her full name (rebekah) and moves to rhode island. she meets the heir to standard oil and marries him. the marriage is loveless but they have fun together. he dies leaving her with a lot of money and holiday house. she is done living for other people and starts to do literally whatever tf she wants. one of the “bitch pack friends from the city” she brings in is inez. they were never romantic after their youth but their friendship is just as amazing and fulfilling. 

feel free to leave comments saying what you agree/disagree with or to add stuff. i might just be crazy and reading into this wayyyyy to much tbh. regardless the album is incredible and im so grateful for it :)

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 41

Chapter Summary -  The Gorilla suit segment has come and gone and Tom wants Danielle's opinion, which she gives. They also discuss the future more, and though it is early in their relationship, they set out what they want in a relationship, which thankfully, seems to suit the other.

Previous Chapter 

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog  @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Tom – I am not sure when you will get to see the interview, let me know what you think when you do. x

Tom pressed send and lay back on the bed, reading over the lines for his voice work he would continue in the morning. When his phone went off, he thought it was Luke, and answered. “Well, do you approve?”

There was a moment of laughing before a voice came on. “I loved it.”

He leant forward. “Elle?”

“Obviously, didn’t you check your caller ID?”

“Honestly, no. I thought you were Luke.”

“Well, sadly I am not; I am just me.”

“I happen to like ‘just’ you.” He smiled.

“I happen to like you too.” She smiled back.

“So the gorilla suit did not turn you off?”

“No, it was weird but fun.”

“Well, I have some bad news.” There was silence on the other end of the line. “Elle?”

“What, what is it?” she sounded terrified.

“It’s gone.”

“The suit?”

“The longer hair and facial hair.”

“No!”

“I’m sorry, darling.”

“Why?”

“Because of work.”

“But it is stupid o’clock in the night there, how the hell did you get a barber.”

“It’s LA, darling, anything is available at any time, so long as you flash the cash.”

“I am not talking to you now.” Danielle declared.

“Elle…” Silence met his plea. “Darling…”

“Stop calling me that, you are in the dog house.” She stated petulantly.

“Elle…”

“Not interested.”

“When I get home, you won’t be able to ignore me.”

“That sounds kinky.” She seemed to forget her annoyance for a moment.

“It was not meant to be, but clearly you like it, so it’s a promise now.” he grinned. “I wish it didn’t have to be so long.”

“You are going checking on little children in a war-torn area of Africa, I am safe here at home, go get the world looking at them, help them, Tom, we can have fun when we come home, at least you get to leave again, they don’t.”

“You should come out as a healthcare working for a week, they could do with you and your big heart.”

“I am not a nurse or doctor, emergency care is far less of an issue in those camps, they need vaccines and food and shelter, not me,” She dismissed.

“How is Mum?”

“Your mom is great, there has been no more about the incident, she’s acting as she always did, but Emma…she’s a little pissed at the moment.”

“Why?”

“Because her friend is fucking her brother.”

“She doesn’t own you; I am not stealing you from her.”

“I know love, but it’s weird for her, she is just worried. I feel guilty, I had not thought of her, she will feel odd in this, even if we were to be happily married with a couple of kids, it is weird for her.” Danielle commented.

“Three.”

“What?”

“I want three kids.”

“I thought you said you hated being in that situation, with two sisters.”

“And Emma hated being six years younger, that’s true.” Tom conceded

“So two then, close together?”

“Or four,” Tom argued, the grin on his face obvious through the phone, “it’s all about problem-solving, Darling.”

“For the record, I am not interested in having more kids than I have hands to hold onto them.”

“You’re an only child, you don’t understand the need for siblings, and don’t twins run in your family?”

“Don’t even joke about that; and I was happy as an only child, everyone I knew with siblings seemed to be fit to kill them as often as they were happy.” She commented. “Are we really having ‘that conversation’ already, from across the world?”

“I think we are.” Tom grinned. “So, what else would you like, given the chance?”

“If it was with you?”

“Assume all of this is us thinking aloud about where we want this to go, what we want from this aspect of our lives.”

“I know you can’t leave London, you need to be close to there at least.” She sounded slightly unhappy about that.

“You rather not live in the city?”

“I am a country mouse.”

“Leafy suburb then; with parks for Mac and good schools, good compromise?”

“Yes, and not too far from Ben and Sophie.”

“North London it is so.”

“That’s more expensive, though.”

“The best places usually are.”

“And my place?”

“Well, that is up to you. It would be great to have a place so close to mums, but if we did both live in London when we would visit, she would be adamant we stay with her.”

“This is all very mature and long-term talk for this hour.”

“It’s only midnight here?”

“And eight in the morning here.”

“Are you getting anxious and changing the topic?”

“No…”

“Elle?”

“I want my furniture.” She answered childishly.

“I would never argue that.” He smiled, knowing she was just slightly scared. “When the time is right, would you want to move in with me?”

“I think so.”

“‘Think’?”

“I never lived with a guy before.”

“What?”

“Bar my dad, I never lived with a guy.”

“Why?”

“Just the way it was because my parents lived a bus journey from college, I stayed with them for that.”

“That’s, wow, seriously? You seem alright with me being there.”

“I have had a boyfriend before, thank you, staying overnight isn’t hard.”

“So your first time living away from home was in Suffolk, in your own house.” She hummed in confirmation. “That must have been hard, you never said anything.”

“I did, several times, to your mum and Emma anyway; but you, I don’t recall it coming up with us.”

“I wish I spent more time around you before now.”

“Well, there’s no need to worry about it, it’s the past.” Danielle dismissed. “So, when are the Grammy nominations out?”

“Soon enough.”

“Do you think you have a chance?” She asked excitedly.

“As much as I know this is a diversion tactic, I am going to allow it. I know The Night Manager as a whole has a good chance.”

“And you?”

“I am not sure.”

“I loved it.”

“It had my ass on display; you have made it clear you love anything as long as my ass is involved.”

“It is a most delectable derriere.” Danielle agreed.

“I hope I get it.”

“It is a good possibility.”

“Not a shoo-in?” Tom inquired.

“You can never say for definite, someone could pay off a judge.” She commented.

“And if no one does?”

“If no one pays off a judge, and if you are nominated, I would place a bet on you.”

“You’re not much of a gambler.”

“Not usually, but 2016 was a good year for you love.”

“Really?” Tom asked sceptically.

“I refuse to acknowledge any of that stuff as negative anymore.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Don’t let negative and toxic people rent space in your head, raise the rent and kick them out.”

Tom chuckled, “Where did you find that?”

“Random quote on Facebook, but I am using it. You went out with Taylor, I assume you had some fun, you went to some nice places, it happened, it’s over, nothing more, nothing less. I don’t care, it was before us, now we have us, so in all, it looks like you had a good enough year.”

“Some parts were definitely better than others, but overall, yes, it was a good year.”

“So, The Night Manager is of 2016, and as such, will do well.” She smiled.

“Elle.”

“Yes, Tom.”

“I cannot wait to come home, and when I do, I cannot wait to show you how much I love and miss you.”

“I look forward to it.”

“Are you at work?”

“I am,” She sighed. “I hope to have the weekend off when you come back from Sudan.”

“And if not?”

“I am stuck working I’m afraid. But the good news is, I’m off longer for Christmas now, we are ahead of schedule.”

“Where are you based?”

“At home.”

“I mean for the shoot.”

“Wales, some random spot in the middle of nowhere.”

“Is there a possibility I could come to you?”

“What if you are seen?”

“Elle…”

“I am just scared.”

“Who will notice me?”

“The cast and crew.”

“Will they care?”

“Probably not, I mean we do have actual famous people here.” She joked, giggling down the phone.

“Excuse you, and what am I?” she just giggled in response for a moment.

“When are you off to Sudan?”

“Wednesday.”

“Promise me you will try to be safe, and try to keep that really nice smile on for those kids.”

“What smile?”

“The one that lights up your eyes and gives you wrinkles around them, the one that makes others around you smile, they need that.”

“I will do my best.”

“I love you, Tom, promise me you will email or text if you get a chance, even just the words ‘It’s Hot’.”

“I will do so every day.”

“Whenever you get a chance will suffice, goodnight Tom.”

“I love you too Elle, I cannot wait until I get back and we get to have fun over Christmas, goodnight, darling,” he smiled, hanging up the phone, he lay on his pillow and smiled sadly to himself, hating that it would be a couple of weeks before he saw her again.

[3packsfrom21]

Looking back on Ireland

Where to begin? Two weeks ago Kiana, Janae and I left for Ireland. We covered a LOT of ground in two weeks! It wasn’t exactly the start we were hoping for; Kiana was barely finished her go with bronchitis and I had just finish my last day of antibiotics for a chest cold that Sunday. It was a seven hour direct flight to Ireland. Our plan was to arrive into Dublin around 11AM Monday. There, we would meet up with our cousin Jessica McCluskey who was flying in from Toronto. Dublin airport isn’t very big, so when we landed, we were able meet up pretty quickly. Unfortunately, Jessica’s flight wasn’t as smooth as ours. Turns out that a seventeen year old Canadian traveling by herself is the perfect profile of an Irish terrorist. Customs questioned her for over an hour. Even after that, they put a limit on how long she was allowed to stay in the Country.

Anyway, we catch a bus from the airport out of Dublin to Belfast. Its a half-hour trek across town to our hostel. I will just put it at this: we were very happy to see those doors! When we went to check in, the receptionist asked for our ID’s. What we didn’t know when we booked this hostel was that they don’t allow minors to stay in public rooms, which was a problem, as Jessica is seventeen. The hostel would usually just move people around to give us a private room, but we arrived on the exact same night that the Foo Fighters (a popular band) were playing. So, of course every room was full, and that goes for every hostel in Belfast. So, now we don’t have a place to stay, we haven’t eaten since we left Calgary and we are looking at our next two weeks wondering what the heck we got ourselves into. The other thing was the way the receptionist had explained the whole underage issue made it sound like this was a law. Meaning the other three hostel we had booked would most likely have an issue with Jessica’s age as well. The icing on the top was we had no wifi. So we literally couldn’t do anything! The receptionist said he’d call his boss and see what he could do and miraculously the boss was willing to let it slide. He would let us stay so long as we didn’t do any drinking (which, of course, isn’t our thing anyway). So one hurtle down. Next was the issue that we needed to get some way to call our next hostels. Heading out, we manage to find a grocery store that sold SIM cards. Grabbing some food, we went back to try and figure out our next couple days. Of course, we couldn’t get ahold of any of the hostels, and all it said on their websites was that there was an age restriction with no detail on what that meant. Finally, Kiana manages to find the Hostel World’s (the app we use to book hostels) rules. They said that minors could only stay if there was an adult with them. So we just had to hope that that was everyone’s rule as well. Last thing was we needed to organize our tomorrow. The Hostel had a tour discount on but we needed to get pounds out – because, of course, with our luck, we had thought to bring Euro with us, but Northern Ireland is its own country within the British isle and carries a different currency. In the end, as we laid in our beds, I can’t say we were all that settled. If this was how all of Ireland was and if our start was to be any outlook on the rest of the trip, we most likely would end up leaving Ireland early.

The next day was better. We went on a bus tour to the Giant’s Causeway. It was a long day as all of us were suffering from jet-leg. We only had one full day in Belfast, so this was our day to see it if we wanted to. The bus stopped at a few places and funnily enough we ended up enjoying the first stop at Larry Bane more then the actual Causeway. It was known for this fisherman’s rope bridge the extends between two cliffs. You had to pay to walk it. Instead, we just went and sat at the base of the cliffs and enjoyed the warm weather and beautiful view. Once we got to the Giants Causeway, we went on our tour through each cove and all in all found the 9 pound we spent to be a bit of a waste. The Causeway itself was very cool, we just don’t really care about giants (the tour gave us myths, we wanted science and facts).

Our next day was more relaxed. We saw this massive museum - and when I say massive, I mean we spent almost three hours and did not even reach the fourth floor! Honestly, I think it was never ending – they’re just making more and more rooms full of the most bizarre things. It wasn’t even just one particular museum, it was EVERY kind museum artifacts put together. I mean they had a room completely dedicated to chemistry elements, people, like come on! Of course, if we would’ve let her, Janae would have just stayed there for her two weeks. But I, for one, have this thing called hunger that reminds me that this painting of a flower vase may be very pretty but it will not satisfy my needs. So we left.

Belfast was so unique to anything I had seen before. There was just so much age resting within the cobblestone streets. I have never seen so much brick in my life! And it wasn’t the fake brick we have back home, where they paint it to make it look better. No, this was iconic rusty red with all its beauty resting in its natural state. Looking at Ireland as a whole, Belfast really isn’t very old. I guess it was cool because it was the first. I will forever have Belfast as the first place I saw of all Europe. To me, that’s cool!

Our second day was also our last day in Belfast. We needed to catch our bus for 3:00, so we started looking for a café to spend our last bit of time in, before going back to the hostel, grabbing our packs, and making the half hour walk back across town. It was raining and as we passed this church, a woman offered us free pastries and free coffee if we came in, so of course we did. We ended up meeting this really nice girl a bit older than Kiana. We were so comfortable there, we stayed for much longer than anticipated just chatting with her. And as we left we all felt so filled. Its funny really, because now I look back and we had been there for two days, that’s it! Yet, we already felt drained. It reminded me a lot of how God calls us to be in community with each other. Yes, we are to bring the gospel to those in darkness, but I think, for myself at least, I forget how quickly my energy runs out. I think its just so comforting to realize that he calls us to go, but he also has created such an easy way to become renewed.

Next was Dromore: a small town out in the middle of nowhere. We stayed in an Airbnb in the country for two nights. Dromore is one of our highlights of Ireland. Even though we forgot to buy groceries before heading out and therefore lived off of cereal and one single-size bag of instant rice, it was quite a nice place. Out of the city, Ireland is home to so many different shades of green, rolling hills, and, above all, very genuine people. They say Canadians are nice, but I beg to differ. The amount of times over our two weeks that we had strangers help us for no other reason than because they wanted to is remarkable. However, Dromore was our first taste. The only downside to it all was that my chest cold returned just to remind me that swallowing can hurt. I would go into our adventures in Dromore further, but I will never finish this post if I do. So just trust me, it was crazy and beautiful and sort of mind blowing.

Our next stop was only for one night. We had decided to go far up north to Derry, basically for my dad. Thankfully, we had no issue with the hostel age restriction and took this as a very good sign that it wasn’t a law in all of Ireland. Derry is where my dad’s family originated from, and so he wanted us to go and find out more about our ancestry. To him, all you have to do is go to the Parish church and ask to look up William McCluskey in their records and magically everything will be written down there for us to read. I mean, it takes years for other people to find out about their ancestry, but no, the McCluskey name is enough for us. Lets just put it this way; Derry was really, really cool to see. It was actually old, and it was quaint and safe and probably another highlight of our stay. It, however, was not very informative. Dad gave us five names, five very generic names. The McCluskey’s may have been many things, but they were not very creative with names. I mean, when you think of Irish names your first five will most likely be them. There was William McCluskey, Patrick McCluskey and Charlie McCluskey, John McCluskey and Ralph McCluskey. Once again, I challenge you to find any info from those names. The other thing was, like most cities, there isn’t just one church. Derry had at least 3 Parish churches and all of them had had at least two fires that had burned some of their records. Let that sink in.

From Derry we headed south to Galway. A tip to any traveler doing a similar trek. This will be ONE of the longest bus ride of your life, and it will be expensive. My take on our lovely adventure is this: you are on a roller-coaster except its not just you on the track, there are people coming at you. This roller-coaster doesn’t just go up and down, it also goes side to side in a rocking-want-to-die sort of way. Plus, there is the every three minute - slam your head against the seat in front of you – gentle break to allow the other travelers to pass you by.

I assure you, you wont forget it.

Galway is known for its night life and therefore everything is a bit dirtier and all the more expensive. It was still very cool to see. Live music is a big thing in Ireland and we all really enjoyed walking through the cute streets and listening as every couple of blocks there was a change in genre and mood. Although it was only a couple of nights we enjoyed our time there. We had very good seafood and began to recognize a trend in small-sized food portions, which saddened everyone immensely.

From there, we left behind the city lights and headed to a small surfers' town named Lahinch, or maybe it was Lehinch, or Le Hinch, we didn’t really figure it out as even the store owners weren’t sure. This WAS the longest bus ride of my life. In actuality, when we got off the three hour ride I am sure I had lost at least two years of my life. You say I’m exaggerating, we’ll never know now will we? The town was on the coast and, had it not rained for 95% of our time there, it would have been a lot more fun. The one reason we went was to see the Cliffs of Moher. These were a definite highlight of mine. I would go into detail but I’m sure my mother will be reading and I would like her to still be alive when I get back. Just kidding mom! We were safe and stayed a mile away from the edge the entire time… Anyway, very cool – amazing, actually. Again, Lahinch was expensive!

Our last stop was most likely one of our favorite cities in Ireland. Originally, we weren’t going to see it, but it was recommended to us and we are really happy it was. Killarney is like the Amazon of Ireland. It was still fairly pricy, but there were a couple of places we found with some really good food. Plus, there were a lot of cafés (aka: the reason Kiana and I are on this trip). We were able to go to church here and thoroughly enjoyed the service. Somehow, we managed to land our stay on the same Sunday that a very very crucial football (or at least what they call football) match between Dublin and Kerry. The atmosphere of that game was so cool to experience even if we hadn’t had a clue how the game was played. Also, we let Kiana talk us into doing a 19 km trek to see these waterfalls. In her defense, it was only supposed to be a mere 14km, but we stopped and looked around these abbey ruins. During the marathon, Janae seems to have strained a tendon or something in her leg, and even now we are still trying to figure out how to get her around painlessly. From there it was to Dublin, straight thru to the airport and onto France.

In entirety, Ireland was for sure a perfect start to our trip. It was safe, clean, and beautiful. And as I look across the fields in France, I can attest that Ireland is remarkable in a completely unique way, standing apart from the rest Europe.

Well that's was long...

Lynece

[trashcanmarvelfan]

Best. Job. Ever. 8/12

Summary: Reader gets a job on the set of Spider-Man: Far from Home for the 3 weeks they are shooting in New York City as what she thinks is a production assistant, but a twist of fate has her reassigned as Tom Holland’s personal assistant. As she & Tom grow close during filming, will their budding friendship turn to more or will they go their separate ways after filming concludes?

Warnings: Language, but that’s pretty much it? This is basically a PG-13 rom-com. (Legal) alcohol use as well but since it’s legal do I really need to tag it?

Word Count: 2114 for chapter 8.

Author’s Note: As this was written WAY before Spider-Man: Far from Home was released (actually before Avengers: Endgame was as well) I’ve kept plot details and which scene was being shot on what day extremely vague. Also, I’m American but tried to write Tom as British as possible, although I do think he’d try to stay(ish) in character and use as much American slang as he could while he’s still playing Peter.

Chapter-Specific Author’s Note: I hope this part was worth the wait... ;)

Requests are always open!

Cross-posted at AO3.

The next morning, Y/N woke up and checked her email.  Waiting in her inbox was Tom’s schedule for the final week of filming.

She pulled up Tom’s text thread. Got your schedule for next week. Ik you’re hanging out with Harrison today and we're going out tonight, so we can just go over it tomorrow or whatever.

Tom texted back almost immediately. Sounds great. Maybe we can do it tomorrow evening after Haz leaves? I was also thinking we could all have brunch in the morning so we can give him a proper send-off.

Ok, that’s fine, and brunch also sounds good. LMK the details tonight.

Y/N decided since she wasn’t meeting up with the guys until much later in the day and since she had been in NYC for almost 2 weeks and still hadn’t really gone sightseeing that she needed to get out and do something, so she took a shower and got dressed in some comfortable clothes she could go exploring in, grabbed her wallet, and headed downstairs.

She asked at the concierge desk for tour recommendations that she could do and wound up deciding to book a bus tour that passed by some shops she wanted to go to. She walked down to a little cafe’ for coffee then boarded her bus.

One of the stops was near the Strand Bookstore, so she decided to disembark there and check it out.

She took one step inside and froze. There were books everywhere she could see - books of every shape, size, and genre.  I’ve died and gone to heaven.

She spent most of the morning exploring the shop, finally choosing a few books to purchase before realizing how late it was and running back to the bus stop to continue her tour.

After eventually making a full loop around New York City, Y/N got off at the stop closest to the hotel and rushed back to shower and change for the evening.

She checked out her outfit in the full-length mirror in her hall. I guess this is it, she thought.

Laura had helped her pick out an outfit via Skype, delighted that Y/N had packed the pink satin camisole top she had bought Y/N for her birthday, and insisting that it was the perfect top to pair with black leggings and a pair of comfortable, low-heeled shoes that Y/N had bought earlier that day.  Y/N had gone with simple accessories, choosing a rose gold bracelet and teardrop necklace, and kept her makeup light lest she sweat it off under the club lights.

A knock came on the door.

She opened the door and Tom’s jaw dropped. “Y/N, you look absolutely stunning,” he breathed.

“Thanks,” Y/N replied shyly. “Ready to go? Where’s Harrison?”

“Oh, err, he said he'd meet us downstairs,” Tom replied.

“Oh, ok, that’s cool.”

Tom offered his arm. “Shall we?”

They exited the elevator in the lobby where Harrison was waiting. “Y/N, you look fabulous,” he said.

“Thanks,” Y/N replied.

“The Uber is a couple of blocks away so we should be getting outside.” Harrison pointed toward the doors. “You two ready to go?”

“Yeah, I’m set. Tom?”

“Ready,” Tom replied.

They made their way outside where their Uber was just pulling up to the curb.

Tom got in first, holding out a hand to help Y/N climb in behind him. Harrison followed behind her.

They greeted their driver and chatted casually on the way to the restaurant.

After dinner, they walked down the street to the club.  Tom gave his name at the door and he, Y/N, and Harrison all showed their IDs to get their armbands for the bar, Y/N handing her belongings to Tom to keep in his pocket.  They walked in to the club full of glowing lights and thumping electronic music, peoples’ bodies swaying to the beat.

A waitress led them to their table above the dance floor and asked them if they wanted a drink.

“We should start with shots,” Harrison declared before ordering 2 tequila shots for each of them.

“Can I also get 2 shots of lime juice?” Y/N added. “I usually add a chaser at first if I'm doing tequila shots,” she explained at Tom and Harrison’s quizzical looks.

Once their drinks were delivered, Y/N picked hers up. “To good friends, good tequila, and good times,” she declared.

“Hear hear,” Tom and Harrison both agreed as they all clinked their glasses together.  Y/N drank her shot of tequila, the liquid burning her throat as it slid down. She immediately chased it with the lime juice, shuddering at the tang. “Ugh, much better mixed together in a margarita,” she joked.

They quickly followed with their second shot before Harrison decided that he was going to go check out the dance floor.  He shot Y/N and Tom a good-natured wink before he left.

Tom leaned in, the intoxicating combination of his cologne and the alcohol already starting to swirl in Y/N’s system making her feel fuzzy. “I’m going to go to the bar,” he said in her ear to be overheard over the music. “Want anything?”

“Sure.” Y/N told Tom which drink she wanted and he disappeared. She sat quietly for a few minutes before pulling out her phone and taking a selfie to send to Laura. Nightlife in NYC, she captioned it.

A couple of seconds later, a gorgeous blonde-haired guy bumped into her seat. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” he said apologetically.

“It’s fine,” Y/N said. “No harm done.” Y/N waited for the guy to keep walking, but he stopped right next to her.

“I’m Matt.”

“Y/N.”

Matt tilted his head to the side. “How about some company? A pretty lady like you must be lonely sitting there all by yourself.”

Y/N shook her head. “No thanks. I’m actually just waiting for someone.”

“Then do you wanna dance?”

“Um, no thanks.”

“How about a drink then?”

Y/N was starting to get uncomfortable. “Um, actually--”

“Here you are, love.”

Y/N looked up to see Tom carrying her drink as well as a beer for himself.

Y/N shot him a grateful look. “Thanks, babe.”

Tom sat next to her and gave her a lingering kiss on her cheek, dangerously close to the corner of her mouth. “So terribly sorry darling, hope I didn’t keep you waiting long,” he said apologetically, putting an arm around her shoulder. He pretended to only just then notice Matt. “Oh, hello. Sorry, didn't see you standing there.”

Y/N tried to keep her chill. “No big deal, honey. I was just talking to Matt, here.”

“Umm, actually you know, I've got to get going,” Matt mumbled. “It was nice to meet you, Y/N.” He rushed off.

“Bye, Matt!” Tom said cheerfully.

“Ugh, what an asshat,” Y/N said, taking a sip of her drink. “Thanks for coming to my rescue.”

Tom shrugged and took a swig of his beer, keeping his arm around Y/N. “You were obviously uncomfortable and that guy clearly wasn't getting the hint.”

They were finishing their drinks when Harrison came back. “Time for a break. I need another drink.” He pointed to Tom and Y/N. “It's your turn to get out there."

Tom offered Y/N his hand. “Dance with me?” he asked.

Y/N nodded and took his hand. “Show me what moves you've got, Holland,” she said with a wink.

“Order me another beer when our server comes back?” Tom asked Harrison.

“Sure thing, mate. Y/N?”

“Yeah, actually.” Y/N told Harrison what she wanted to drink as she and Tom stood.

Tom led her to the dance floor, where one song had just ended and another song had begun.

Y/N swayed her hips, letting the beat of the music and the warmth of the alcohol in her system relax her. Tom wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her flush to him.  Y/N hooked one arm around Tom’s neck, closing her eyes and matching Tom’s rhythm to where they were one seamless flow.

They danced for several songs until Tom’s hand slowly traveled up Y/N’s back until he reached the bare skin where her top was cut low. Y/N shivered as Tom slowly ran a finger up her back, opening her eyes and locking gazes with him.

Tom’s gaze held something… primal, something that both excited and terrified Y/N at the same time.  She subconsciously licked her lips, Tom’s gaze flickering down for just a second before raising back to her eyes.  His grip on her waist tightened. “Y/N…” he murmured.

“Yes?” Y/N replied breathlessly. The way Tom said her name in that accent of his made her briefly wonder how many other different ways she could get him to say it and in what other situations. She blushed at the thought.

Tom tilted his head, leaning in slightly, while Y/N followed suit until...

...Someone knocked into them, shattering the moment and breaking the spell.

“You know what?” Y/N said nervously, looking everywhere but at Tom. “I need to hit the ladies’ room, I’ll umm… I’ll be back in a bit.”

Tom nodded. “Okay, I’m going to go back to the table then.”

Y/N nodded as well.  She went to the ladies’ room and splashed some cool water on her face. Get a grip, Y/N. You’ve both been drinking, and with the lights and the music… Just keep it together.

She walked back to the table, where the guys were each drinking a beer, Y/N’s drink on the table between them.  

Y/N sat down and took a long swig of her drink. “Bit warm in here, isn’t it?” she said. “Luckily we seem to be right under the AC.”

After a while and another drink, Y/N had calmed down enough and was ready to get back out on the dance floor.

She took turns dancing with both Harrison and Tom, but this time she was sure to keep a respectable distance, also switching to water for the rest of the evening lest she get tipsy again and lose her inhibitions.

They called an Uber back to the hotel, where Y/N and Tom dropped Harrison off at his floor, wishing him goodnight.

When Y/N and Tom arrived on their floor, Tom asked, “Would you like me to walk you to your door?”  

Y/N giggled. “That’s so gentlemanly of you, but it’s literally down the hall. I think I can make it.”

“Ok, good night then.”

“Good night.”  Y/N turned and walked towards her room.  She was almost to her door when Tom called out her name. “Y/N!”

She turned to see Tom jogging towards her, holding her belongings that he had been keeping in his pocket.  “You might need these.”

Y/N blushed as Tom joined her in front of her door. “Haha oops, yeah, those might be important.” She bit her lip nervously. “Thanks for inviting me. I had a lot of fun tonight.”

“Me too,” Tom replied with a soft smile.

Y/N's fingers brushed Tom's as she reached for her belongings, setting off that same spark that she had felt earlier that evening. She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Tom's cheek before turning towards her door.

Suddenly Tom grabbed her hand. “Y/N, wait.”

Y/N glanced back at him in surprise.

Tom dropped Y/N's hand as his eyes searched hers. What he was looking for, Y/N wasn't sure. Tom reached up and tucked some loose hair behind Y/N's ear, his fingers lingering on her face in a gentle caress.

Y/N subconsciously leaned into Tom's touch, her eyes fluttering closed as warm lips tentatively pressed against her own.

She reached up with her free hand, trailing her fingers up Tom’s arm before wrapping her hand around his bicep and pulling him closer, Tom wrapping his arms around her and pulling her flush to him as he continued to kiss her breathless.

The sound of a door closing down the hall brought them back to Earth, Tom giving Y/N one more chaste kiss before separating.

He grinned. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

Y/N smiled shyly. “Night, Tom.” She swiped her keycard on her door before entering her room, not noticing that Tom hadn’t moved or taken his eyes off of her for a second until she was inside.

She flopped down on her bed and touched her lips with her fingertips, the feel of Tom's lips still on hers.

What a night.

Taglist: @laureharrier @thoughstofaredhead & @greenarrowhead

[francisthegreat]

That Firenze One. Please :)

so That Firenze One was something i started in Florence… obviously… and it stars erwin smith Classic Art Curator extraordinaire and his grumbly local genius student levi. here’s some parts of it

Levi decided about three days after moving that it had been a colossally stupid decision. 

Sure, the idea of graduate school had sounded amazing, and the fact that after nearly 10 years the university had finally deigned to offer to bankroll his higher degree had seemed fantastic, and yeah, turning it into a 2 year international workshop study because of his unparalleled talent and natural-born potential was unprecedented, only an idiot would have passed it up, but - 

But god, there were people everywhere. 

He should have known, of course. Florence was one of the cultural centers of the goddamn world. People were expected. He just… had sort of…selectively forgotten. 

He had two weeks until his classes started, and one week until his workshop, and he’d meant to use it getting to know the city. 

Instead, he was sitting in the coffee shop under his apartment, practicing his Italian by complaining loudly to the barista about the tourists. 

“I saw a woman taking a photograph of a pigeon yesterday, Petra. A pigeon.” 

Petra laughed. “You’re gonna have to get used to them, capo.” 

She put a doppio on the counter and Levi grabbed it eagerly, sticking his nose in the cup before saying, “Ugh but they’re so fat and stupid and they eat garbage -”

“I meant the tourists, capo.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Petra burst out laughing, leaning on the espresso machine for support, and Levi found himself grinning. He’d only been here 3 days but he could tell she was far more bearable than most people; he liked her. 

He sipped his coffee and watched a very rumpled-looking tourist walk through the door, suit jacket wrinkled in odd places. 

Levi leaned against the counter and said to Petra in low, soft Italian, “See now this asshole is lost, and he’s gonna stumble through asking you for directions, and it’s gonna be fucking unbearable for all of us.”

The man turned to Levi and Levi felt his grip on his cup tighten instinctively. His eyes were painfully blue. Shit, he was tall. And  - broad. And - god, his eyes - 

In rather flawless Italian the man said to Levi, “I understand you fine, kid,” though he used the word ragazzo. Boy. Levi clenched his teeth. “You ought to be more careful who you gossip about.”

Petra looked like she was trying not to laugh, and Levi distinctly saw her wink at the man. She turned to the coffee machine without getting his order. 

“Condescending prick,” Levi said under his breath, in English. 

“Hm?”

“I’m thirty years old,” he said in Italian this time, giving the man the most annoyed look he could manage while he was… well while he was looking at him like that. God, how big was he? His shoulders were enormous. 

“…Alright?”

“So don’t call me kid.”

The man blinked and his eyes were almost turquoise in this light. Shit, he was - really good looking. Petra put a cup down in front of him and he smiled dazzlingly at her.

“You realize,” the man said in perfect, condescending English, voice deep and rumbling, “that it’s meant more like ‘friend,’ right?”

Levi stuck to Italian, steadfastly ignoring the English, leaning on what Kenny had taught him those years he’d spent doing jobs in Naples after college. His word choice got considerably ruder. 

“We ain’t friends, pretty boy.”

The man’s eyes flicked over Levi once, so close to appreciative it made his stomach drop. He looked him in the eye and Levi felt heat crawl across his chest.

A long moment passed where they just looked at each other, the man’s eyes almost painfully intense on Levi’s face. His gaze dropped to Levi’s mouth, then his throat, then back up again. 

Levi flushed, and he hated it. 

“Well,” the man said, abandoning the English and finishing his drink, “Good luck in all your future endeavors, then.” Then, lower, he added, “Though your accent sounds like you’ll be robbing train cars.”

He wasn’t terribly far off - Levi had robbed a bus with Kenny once. He scowled and the man grinned, putting some change on the counter. 

“Lovely to see you as always, Petra.”

Petra beamed from where she was cleaning the machines. “Bye, dear.” She used caro, something Levi had never heard her call anyone else before. It was unusually fond.

The man held Levi’s eyes for one more moment, a dizzying sort of intensity in his expression, before shaking his head like waking up from a dream. He walked out. 

Levi just stared. 

After a few minutes, he turned to Petra. “Who….was that.”

Petra glanced at Levi, took in the goddamned flush still on his face and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, it’s like that, hm?”

Levi wondered if the back of his neck was red. It felt too warm. “Like what?”

Petra grinned and gave Levi a rather salacious expression. He scowled. 

“Oh, shut up.”

She laughed and brought Levi a glass of water as he finished his coffee, saying, “His name’s Erwin. He’s been a regular here for a few years. Lives in the neighborhood, I think.”

“Erwin.”

“Mhm.”

Odd name, that. And oddly familiar. Why did it seem so - 

Abruptly, Levi dug into his bag and fished out his workshop schedule. Erwin. 

It tickled the back of his mind and he felt an odd rush of - excitement. Something about him was - just - 

His hands were shaking. Why were his hands shaking? 

Ackerman, Levi Plaster Workshop 2A Via Corso 15 13:45 - 18:45 Practical instructor: Pixis, TeodoroPresiding Curator: Smith, Erwin 

“Uh, Petra,” Levi said, eyes on the paper, “Do you know what he, uh, does for a living?”

Petra turned to him, distracted. “Hm? Oh, Erwin?”

Levi nodded. 

“He works at L’Accademia, I think,” she said, waving her hands. “He mentioned something about being a professor, or an art curator, or something.” 

Levi cursed. He really hoped he was wrong, otherwise he was in some fair to moderate shit.

He was not, in fact, wrong. 

The first morning of his workshop started off pretty great, all things considered: he woke up with the church bells, went for a run before the scum came out, and had a coffee at Petra’s café while he watched Florence wake up. 

Windows got opened, laundry got hung, trash got picked up. It was Monday, so the city was slow and sticky in the morning, shops opening whenever the shopkeepers woke.

That was something Levi had had to adjust to. Before Naples, growing up in Detroit with Kenny, he’d given himself a certain amount of structure. He’d lived by it. Rules, schedules. Hard lines.  Here, things just … happened when they happened. There were no timetables, or schedules, or lines to speak of anywhere. You just sort of showed up around the right time and yelled at someone until they paid attention to you. 

He’d embraced it eventually. But it had taken … some adjusting. 

Pleasant as the morning was, it took a rather vicious turn when Levi showed up to his plasterwork workshop and stopped dead in the doorway. 

“Oh, balls.”

Erwin turned, wearing a navy suit and glasses - god save Levi’s poor soul - and said across the room, “My friend, this space is reserved for academics; you need to leave.”

Levi glared and Erwin’s expression shifted to mildly surprised recognition. 

“Train robber?”

“Hello, asshole.”

“You can’t be here, this is -”

Levi held up his shiny new graduate student ID. Erwin’s eyes widened. 

“You- you’re not -”

“Ackerman,” Levi said shortly. “Sculpture.”

Erwin looked dumbfounded. “Oh, I’m. Uh, I’m sorry I assumed.”

“Yeah, me too.” 

“You’re - you’re studying sculpture here? With Pixis? You’re Levi Ackerman?” 

Levi shrugged, hands in his pockets. 

Erwin shook his head, distractingly beautiful eyes still shocked. “I’ve - I’ve seen your work. I - I was the one who pushed for you to be accepted into this program.” 

Levi’s stomach dropped a few inches and his hands itched in his pockets, but he kept his expression neutral. 

“Thanks are in order, then, I guess.” 

“We don’t - usually take students with no former training -”

“Yeah, I got that talk already. Don’t fall behind, and all that.” 

Erwin nodded, expression somehow managing to be distant while boring the fuck into Levi’s eyes like he could read his goddamn mind. Levi coughed, looking around the building. Shit, the art. He’d never get over this city. 

“I can’t believe - I can’t believe you’re a student. My student - ” Erwin was muttering under his breath like Levi wasn’t there. He heard the words boundaries, Erwin but couldn’t make out much else. Levi rolled his eyes at the muttering and said, “I gotta get to class.” 

“How - how old are you?” Erwin asked, ignoring his comment, voice oddly… hesitant. 

Levi sniffed and didn’t respond. 

“You’re not like twenty, right?”

“What the fuck would it matter if I was?”

Erwin suddenly looked very pale. Almost embarrassed. 

Ah. 

Levi smiled at him, slow and predatory. Something warm and pleased curled in the bottom of his stomach. 

“You been thinkin’ about me, old man?”

Erwin flushed and turned his back, then pointed down a hall without turning around.

“Plaster is that way.”

Levi grinned, then halfway down the hall said, “I’m not. Twenty. Took some time off.”

Erwin whirled around and fixed Levi with a look equal parts annoyed and relieved. He shrugged, hands in his pockets, and sauntered off to class. 

[endlessly-searching-for-you]

Hail, Rain or Sunshine (Sloane x F!MC)

A/N: Hello, it’s @dancetothestoriesinyoursoul Fluffy Friday again! This time my girl Sloane gets some love (ha! Surprise!). As requested by @zaffrenotes - “The text that changed everything” and @likethetailofacomet - “Stuck in the rain”. Hope you enjoy :) 

PS. I swear I wrote most of it before I was snatched for a surprise weekend in the mountains!

Warnings: none, pure fluff

Word Count: ~1300

As usual, title stolen from a song (by The Script)

Tagging the rest of my usual squad: @darley1101 @brightpinkpeppercorn @mind-reader1

Hiking. Of all things they could do together this weekend, Kai had to choose hiking. Sloane rubbed her eyes and sighed. She wasn't an outdoorsy person, and she didn't like to wake up early either, but how could she say no to her girlfriend?

Her girlfriend. Even thinking about her was giving Sloane butterflies in the stomach. It's been almost a month, but sometimes it was still too hard to believe it's happening for real.

One day she had a drink too much and confessed her crush. What's even worse, via text. Not that she hoped for anything—just like they say, a drunk mind speaks a sober heart—and she regretted sending it almost immediately. But the next day, when she sat in a chair curled up in a miserable bundle with her cat Ruby in her lap, nursing the headache and looking for programmer jobs in Alaska, Kai called her back.

Well... tried to call. When Sloane recognized the caller ID, she let out a loud shriek and threw her phone like a football champion. The phone hit the wall, making a dent and cracking the screen, bounced off and landed in Ruby's water bowl. That last thing was too much for the fragile electronics' dignity to handle, and despite her best efforts to revive it, the phone stayed dead.

Just as she widened her search area to the remote outskirts of Europe (was Bydgoszcz even a real city?!), she heard a noise behind the door. Two people whispered animatedly, female voice soft and pleading, male hoarse and annoyed. She moved closer, wondering which of her neighbors were it this time.

“Come on, Kai. You know I can't just break into her apartment because she doesn't answer your calls!”

“But Damien, please... I know her. I'm worried. She would never... never...” Kai choked with sobs. “What if it's this Eros thing all over again—”

“Kai, please. You know we shut them down for good.”

“What if we didn't?”

Oh crap. Sloane didn't expect Kai to come here, let alone take Damien with her. And she definitely didn't expect her to be in tears because she thought Eros kidnapped her. Think, think, think!!! She pressed her forehead to the door and tried to collect her thoughts. It was too late to run. Time to face the music. She cracked open the door just a little and peeked sheepishly at her two friends.

“Hey.”

“Oh God, Sloane, you're fine!” Kai jumped into her arms, almost knocking her down. “I can't believe it! What were you thinking?! You had me worried!” She whispered, peppering her face with kisses.

“Uh... Clearly, you two don't need me. I'll see myself out.” Damien smiled awkwardly, but they didn't even hear or see him, already headed inside the apartment.

Sloane smiled at the memory. It was probably the only time when drunk texting made someone happy.

She grabbed her coffee and went through the checklist again. She spent the last few nights looking for a perfect packing list and helpful tips on the internet, barely getting any sleep, just to make sure they were prepared for everything the wildlife could throw at them.

If only that thing wasn't so heavy, she sighed, looking at the giant backpack propped against the wall. The seller insisted it was too big for a woman her size, but Sloane snapped at him. She heard the phrase way too many times and was already tired with it. Can't graduate from MIT? Can't be a programmer? Can't have a girlfriend? Can't have the backpack she wants?! Oh yes, she can and she will! She left the store with her head up, clutching the backpack to her chest, feeling like she had won a battle. But right now, when she tried to pull it up from the floor, she started to consider the possibility of the seller being just a little bit right.

Maybe we don't really need the tent, she thought. Or the camping stove. Or the electric marshmallow toaster. Yes, the toaster was definitely overkill, but it was too late to repack the whole thing again. With a loud groan, she lifted it from the floor and took one last glance in the mirror. Kai would love her khaki shorts, she thought and felt a surge of panic. Weather! Out of habit, she was checking the forecasts for the city, and the two wasn't necessarily the same. She dashed to her laptop, but at the same time, Kai knocked at the door and burst in without waiting for her response.

“Hurry up! We're gonna miss our bus!” Her eyes widened, and she broke into a fit of giggles when she noticed Sloane's luggage. “Oh dear. You know you didn't have to take the whole house with you, right? It's just two days!”

“You know I like to be prepared.”

“Fine. But don't come to me for help!”

“We'll see who will be asking for help!” Sloane scowled at her girlfriend, running down the stairs. “You'll come back begging me to share my tent when it rains!”

“Relax. There won't be any rain, I checked.”

***

“I think we're walking in circles,” Sloane sighed, looking around. “I'm pretty sure I saw this rock already.”

“We're in the mountains. There are a lot of rocks.”

“Yes, but this one looks like a cat. See? Here are his ears...” She pointed at the rock, her finger drawing shapes in the air, and Kai chuckled.

“You're right!” She looked at her girlfriend. “On both counts. We lost the trail.”

“And it looks like it's going to rain, too.”

Sloane was right on that one as well. The sky, bright blue just an hour ago, was now filling quickly with grey clouds. Sun was still peeking through the leaves, but the gentle breeze had a hint of stinging cold. Kai shivered a little and looked to Sloane with a smile, fluttering her eyelashes.

“You don't happen to have an umbrella?”

“No.”

“Even for me?  Pretty please?”

“Especially for you!” Sloane snapped in response, but her eyes crinkled and a smile played at the corners of her mouth.

Kai sighed and rolled her eyes dramatically. “Very well. It will be your fault if I get sick. Bring it on, heavens! My girlfriend doesn't care about me!” She tilted her head to the clouds and spread her hands, and as if on cue, the first drop landed on her nose, eliciting a scream of surprise from her lips.

Sloane dropped her backpack on the ground and tried to unstrap the shelter tent, but Kai stopped her, grabbing her hand. The rain around them grew thicker, but it wasn't entirely unpleasant. It was still warm, feeling more like a morning shower than rain. The leaves glittered, the soil under their feet grew darker, thousands of tiny droplets trickled down their skin.

Kai took a deep breath, closing her eyes and reveling in a childlike joy. “Can you smell it?”

“You mean the wet soil? It's called petrichor, from Greek words petra meaning stone, and ichor - the blood of the gods, but it's actually caused by a type of bacteria—”

Kai's lips landed on hers, silencing her, and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, Kai's thumb caressing her cheek, her other hand pulling her closer and closer until there was no space between them left. She began to sway her hips rhythmically, forcing Sloane to move with her, and she gasped in surprise.

“What are you doing?!”

“Dancing in the rain!”

“You're mad.”

“I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.” She touched her forehead to Sloane's. “And before you ask, yes, it's a quote.”

“From Alice in Wonderland. I know. I could never understand that book.”

“Oh dear. Are you sure you're not switched with a Match? Can you describe one of Nadia's paintings for me?” Kai giggled, looking at her girlfriend's shocked face and pushing a wet lock off her face. “I'm just kidding! Just kidding!” She kissed her nose. “It's not like I can understand them, either.”

---

And now, before you ask why Sloane’s cat doesn’t have a geeky name - she does! Ruby is a programming language (used by yours truly). And while it’s not a first choice for AI programming, it can be used with good results. Python and Java (top choices) doesn’t sound as nice, don’t you think?

[scribir]

Self Care for NSFW Artists - A Letter to Myself

As the title suggests, I’m writing this mostly for myself hence the term nsfw, but anyone can use this I suppose. It’s just some real life tips that I’ve learned through experience and wanted to write down. Maybe it can help someone.

Let’s go...

1- Get up! It is important to not be by your desk hunched over writing or drawing for extended periods of time. Not only is it unhealthy to be sedentary for that long, it is important for the mind that you walk away from your work and maybe get a little exercise by taking a walk or going for something to eat or drink.

2- Feed and hydrate yo’ body! This point ties in with the first as artists (whether you write, craft or draw) tend to restrict themselves to their work for hours. Personally, I am very guilty of this as I can sit at my desk working for up to 18 (or more) hours, moving only when it’s absolutely necessary, only to return promptly to continue working. Food and water is forgotten and at times, many hours later, I’d realize that I didn’t even have breakfast only when a gnawing hunger threatens to kill me or my heart is racing because it was a hot day and I didn’t drink any water.

3- Eat a balanced diet! So I did say that you should feed and hydrate your body, but I know you *points dramatically* you’ll choose the fastest option which most likely would be fast food for quick calories. But remember!!! Man cannot live by fast food and NSFW Art alone! You need calories from a range of diverse foods, including meat / meat substitute protein, vegetables and some fat and fiber.

Take a multivitamin too if you’re into that. Drink clean fresh water. Eat an assortment of fruits and vegetables everyday (local so it would be cheaper). Prepare your own meals to save money and give yourself healthier options. And if you don’t have the time to prepare meals everyday, do the preparation in advance on a day when you can spare some extra time. What I do is buy sandwich bags and prepare my breakfast, depending on what it is, in advance for the entire week or month. Lunches too I make in advance.

When you make your own meals, you know exactly what’s going into your body and can avoid all the nasties (processed stuff and artificial flavorings) that can be hiding in bought meals. But if you know a local company that makes packaged foods that are healthy, then go right ahead!

Remember that eating a balanced diet that includes a sufficient amount of pesticide-free fruits and vegetables is important to keep your body strong and healthy enough so that you can keep making content.

4- Wear your damn eyeglasses (if you use those)! Personally I suck at this *puts on glasses quickly then continues to type* I would be at the computer writing / drawing for hours and remember only when my eyes start hurting :/ Don’t do that.

5- Clean your damn glasses!! Another thing I’m very guilty of. Eye glasses tend to pick up all sorts of bacteria / other microbes when you rest them down or even by simply touching them. Then you put them on your face. See what I’m talking about?? Acne party.

6- Practise Self care / Have a Self-care Ritual! Eh, so this is something I believe that a lot of people fail at. Move away from the computer / desk and go wash your face, brush + floss your teeth! Take a bath / shower daily. Try to also exfoliate your face and body routinely. Shave / trim too if you’re into that, wash your hair when it’s dirty, moisturize it and keep it up and away from your face while you’re working. This not only makes working on your projects easier but helps prevent acne from dirty hair and keeps your scalp healthy.

If you can, (these tips are for whatever your gender id is), don’t go to sleep without a night cream that’s suitable for your skin type. Wear sunscreen. Keep your hair wrapped with a silk / satin scarf whenever you lie down to avoid split ends, dryness and breakage, wash your pillowcases regularly and use a silk / satin tie when putting your hair up. Also, get a routine trim to manage split ends and hair length. Oh and most importantly, use moisturizers, shower products and treatments FOR YOUR SKIN TYPE. You won’t believe the difference that makes.

Self care also involves mental health and that’s very critical for artists and everyone tbh. Remember to follow any protocol given to you by your healthcare provider and not to neglect it because you were busy cREatiNG ConTEnt *I’m looking at you* Get enough sleep, eat healthy, rest whenever necessary and try to include some meditation and light exercise in the form of yoga / walking/ stretching / pilates. All this is good for the mind. I can go on and on about self care but let’s stop here please.

7- Clean Your Room! Meh. I hate this one the most because I hate folding laundry, especially when I want to do something creative, but sometimes you just need to stop working and do it. Get up and do your chores. Doing them regularly, means  that your general environment where you work will always be healthy for your mind, body and spirit and will be conducive to you formulating plots for your art and writing projects! Please leave the vision of the artist (this includes writers) in a dark, dusty room piled high with books, dirty + clean unsorted laundry behind T_T

8- Socialize! EHHHHH....NANI?! Ugh I hate this, but socializing is important for your physical and mental health. I’m an introvert by nature (shoutout to my fellow introverts) and sometimes go to extreme lengths to avoid people but socializing doesn’t mean that you have to go to a big party (an introvert’s nightmare) but simply remembering to respond to your social messages, calling a friend or even taking your mom and or dad out / going to visit them can work.

I hate to admit it but human connection is important (unless you’re a hermit on a mountain or a misanthrope). And look at it this way...interacting with real people is important for your craft! You can read books, look at videos / tutorials to learn about human interaction, but nothing replaces the story a friend would tell you about their day while drunk at 2am or the hot date they had last night, a genuine smile from a loved one, a quirky laugh or the natural movement of people who are unaware that they’re being observed - all things that can help to spark ideas that you can use for the characters in your writing and art. By hanging out with real people and seeing how they move and talk, you tend to create more genuine, believable characters that the people who use your content can identify with.

I should say too that you don’t have to interact with people directly all the time but you can just sit in a coffee shop, walk around the city, sit in the library or travel on the bus (or other public transportation). Just listen and watch and you will be privy to all sorts of gems from real people with real lives, victories and problems that can be used for character study.

9- DON’T Take Yourself Too Seriously! / Stop doubting your talent! Okay, so this one is a work in progress for a lot of people. Feelings of insecurity when it comes to your craft can attack at anytime. You’re steadily progressing but then you look at other people’s work and think that you’re absolute crap. You think their prose and exposition is great, that their art / writing style is awesome and that you’d never be as good as they are within your lifetime because you don’t have as many kudos, favorites, bookmarks or likes / reblogs as they do.

I have one piece of advice for this problem and that’s to MIND YO’ DAMN BUSINESS. This may sound harsh but it’s critical for survival in the creative world. When you’re busy feeling shitty and insecure about someone else’s work, they’re busy practising hard and getting better while you’re busy hampering your own progress. Look at their work, admire it, send that fellow artist a like / comment then give a reblog and let awesome work of art MOTIVATE you to keep working hard on your craft. You can only get better through practice and and you’re only wasting time by doubting yourself / feeling insecure / feeling jealous because of other’s progress.

I should also say that you may see someone’s wonderful writing or art but you don’t know how many hours and effort they may be putting into their craft. Talent is a wonderful thing to have, but it is a tool that needs to be sharpened every single day. A lot of people don’t like to admit it, but getting to expert level with anything takes an insane amount of practice. When you’re sleeping, you have no idea what those talented people are doing in order to get better. You don’t see the moments where they’re falling asleep on themselves while they’re writing / drawing, you don’t see the amount of horrible drafts they churned out before they got “good” and you have no idea that they too feel like they still need to improve as they continue to work hard.

So be grateful for all the kudos, likes, reblogs or favorites you get but don’t let that define you. Keep moving forward. Keep grinding. I believe in you.

10- Make time for Reflection! This may seem biased (because...introvert...), but time spent alone is important. Sure, you spend a lot of time alone writing, drawing, creating, but how much of that time is truly alone and without you doing work?? I personally believe that sometimes one needs to just go off to a quiet place to just think. Thinking about life, sorting the past, the present and the future helps to condition and exercise the mind. And a healthy mind makes for a good, capable artist that doesn’t become consumed and destroyed by their craft.

In this respect, I should also say that having Affirmations and doing Meditation is very important. Personally, I have a pinterest board that I use for that purpose and also a book with meditative quotes, passages etc that I try to read every morning.

11- Make time for Recreation: Whether it is watching your favorite movie, playing a game, watching anime, reading a book or  comic, playing a board game or hanging out with friends, make sure to schedule recreational activities that take you away from your desk and work these into your routine. This, like Reflection, will help to keep your mind conditioned and also get you out of artist’s block. It also helps to generate ideas since personally I find that a good movie, action scene or well-crafted plot sends my mind into overdrive and I end up going back to write lol.

12- Organization! Having things organized, whether irl or just your WIPs (through journaling, properly saving / titling files etc) will keep you sane and save time. Believe me!

13 - Support Network! This is self explanatory but having at least one person who is genuine about liking your work and who is like your personal cheerleader is critical. Also, being your own cheer team is important! Don’t depend too heavily on others; love yourself and your work!

14 - Negative Environments: I can go on an on about this as well, but yeah...being in a toxic situation whether it is at home, school, the workplace, a relationship or even one of your own creation is very very bad for your mental health and if it’s bad for your mental health it is bad for your art. Personally, negative situations help push me forward with my writing as I create a lot of vent stuff as a result but over time it is not healthy. It can mess with your head.

Do whatever you can to get out of your situation or if you can’t, then lay the foundations (saving money etc) to get out eventually. And while you’re unable to get out, remember to practise all the tips I mentioned before. Also, talk to a professional or even someone you can trust.

I think I’ll stop here as this post is getting quite long ^^; Anyways, I hope that my blabbering has managed to help someone as I was somehow unconsciously motivated to write and post this. If anyone wants to add anything, please do!