#i think your birthday's already passed liv

[sluttyhenley]

been around a time or two

The thought of Maverick had her opening up their text thread. It was painfully short; he wasn’t a fan of texting. Too slow, he said. Still, she could use someone to talk to right now. She wasn’t even sure how it fit into whatever it was that they were doing, but he always answered her if he wasn’t busy. Phoenix: i just had the longest goddamn day Phoenix: i never want to hear the words heavy metal ever again She set her phone down and went back to contemplating the contents of her refrigerator. She really wanted to avoid spending money on take out. Maybe she had something in her freezer she could throw in the microwave.  Phoenix’s phone buzzed and a text notification from Maverick lit up her screen. A wave of delight beat back at the crush of exhaustion that had been weighing her down ever since she let herself into her apartment.  Mav ✈️: Everything okay?

Sometimes, after a long day, the only person Phoenix wants to talk to is Maverick.

for @natashatrace

[runningfrom2am]

the finer things in life // LTPF

summary: coryo merely tolerates you at the beginning of the series. this, is why.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 4.6k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. underage drinking/drug use (its just weed dw), some suggestive content that's not explicit (that's a first for me woah).

a/n: THIS DROPS SOME MAJOR LORE FOR THIS SERIES LIKE PLS- this is so fun and i hope you guys really like it bc i stepped out of my comfort zone a bit here. anyway, happy new year!! as a treat, have r and coryo getting way too messed up for their own good :)

this is mentioned in one of the parts of s2 (oh god i have no clue which one but trust me.) anyway, here's the night they were talking about.

series masterlist // playlist

"Hey, Coryo." You smile, sitting yourself down across from him at the lunch table.

"Y/N/N." He nods, hardly looking up from his food.

"So," You him, leaning forward with your elbows on either side of your plate. "Are you coming to Livia's big party this weekend?"

He shrugs, swallowing before looking up at you. "I don't know. Maybe. Feels a little... trivial."

"Ugh," You scoff, playfully rolling your eyes. "Of course it's trivial, Coriolanus. It's a birthday party for a seventeen year old that's probably going to have fireworks and a four tier wedding cake." You laugh. "But I have to go, so you should too."

He smiles at you a little, tilting his head with a raised eyebrow. "A wedding cake?"

"Probably. You saw the invitations." You chuckle. "We can walk together, and I'll see if I can sneak in some posca from our cellar. Please?" You plead.

"Won't your parents be driving you? I wouldn't want to impose." Coryo insists politely.

"Oh, god, no." You laugh. "They're allegedly busy. My father will be working, and my mother will be waiting for him to finish work. Can't tear her away from that. My theory is that they just don't want to go."

"Oh, I see." He replies. Your parents not attending social events wasn't uncommon. Their attention was notoriously hard to attract, and his parents had long since passed, so it was pretty standard for the two of you to either walk together or get your driver to take the two of you places alone.

"Yeah! I think we'll end up walking because my brother has tutoring and god forbid he walk anywhere, but that way there's no dreadful small talk with my family anyway."

"Fine." Coryo agrees. "Only because it's you. Also, I don't think talking to your parents is dreadful, Y/N/N."

"It is. Don't lie." You laugh, taking a bite out of your cookie and waving him off.

You hear the doorbell and run to answer it before anyone else can. "Mom! Coryo's here, I'm leaving now! Bye!"

"You're not going to invite him in?" Your mom asks, cutting you off in the foyer.

"We're already running late, sorry!" You insist, adjusting your hold on the two gift bags in your hands very carefully.

"Alright, well, have fun, dear. Extend our apologies to Livia's parents for us."

"Will do!" You nod, giving her a quick thumbs up before opening the door.

"What do you need a bag for?" She asks and you roll your eyes at your friend standing in front of you before turning to face her again.

"They have a pool, I might need to change." You groan.

"Oh, right." She seems satisfied with that answer. "Hello, Coriolanus, how are you doing tonight?" She asks, turning her attention to him.

"I'm well, Ma'am. Thank you. And you?" He smiles politely.

"We gotta go, Mom, bye!" You shut the door before she can answer.

As soon as you're out of sight from your house, you stop and dig through the tissue paper in one of the gift bags.

"Isn't that for Liv-" Coryo's question is cut off by you holding a bottle of a nondescript liquor out to him.

"This one is for us." You smile, taking another bottle out before shoving the folded-up gift bag into your backpack. "Cheers." You twist the cap off of yours, knocking it against the one he's awkwardly holding before taking a swig.

"Posca? Should we..." He clears his throat. "Should we really be drinking? I feel like we'll get in trouble."

"It's not Posca, it's better. Besides, no trouble if no one knows." You reassure him. "Also, I would bet money that we show up and Festus and Pup are already stumbling."

"You're the most terrible influence, Y/L/N." Coryo shakes his head with a smile on his face, opening the bottle anyway to try it.

"No!" You laugh. "This is good for us. It makes me more... digestible to these stuck-ups."

"Are you not included in that group?"

"Oh, Coriolanus Snow, we are at the top of the list."

The air in the expansive house is as hot and stuffy as it could possibly be. It reminded you so much of your own, but warmer, in a way. Maybe it was just the sheer volume of people inside and the buzz of alcohol in your system.

Livia's parents had been kind enough to leave the whole back garden and pool for you kids to enjoy, and to have your own space free from all of the adults who were also invited.

It was warm out for a May evening when you finally made it outside after saying your 'hello's to all your classmates' parents. Your own parents insisted that you spend a decent amount of time doing so, despite them not being able to make it. Coryo was known to do this as well, so you made your rounds together before thanking the Cardew's for the invitations and they showed you where all the other kids were outside.

Coryo already wanted to leave, and if you did as well, you were good at hiding it. He couldn't tell, blindly following you through the crowded house before making it outside.

"Party's here!" You call out as you step out onto the patio, allowing Coryo to close the door behind you.

"Y/N, you gorgeous girl, finally!" You're quickly greeted by Hilarius Heavensbee, and god, Coryo has never hated him more as the boy is wrapping his arms around you. His attempts at flirting with you are humiliating- Coriolanus doesn't know how he couldn't see that he was embarrassing himself.

"Hilary, you flatter me." You chuckle, gently patting his back with your free hand as you pull away.

"You know I try." He laughs, shrugging as he slides in between the two of you, draping an arm over your shoulder.

"Where's the birthday girl?" You ask, holding up the gift bag. "I need to ditch this."

"That's a good question..." Your classmate says, scanning the groups scattered across the lawn in search of Livia.

"I can carry that, if you'd like." Coryo offers, desperate to remind you of his presence. He wasn't going to let you ditch him- you were the only reason he even attended.

"Oh, no. I've got it. Thank you, though." You wave him off, looking up at the boy whose arm is sitting over your shoulder uncomfortably. "Hilary, could you grab Coryo and I some glasses, please?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." He says, stepping away. "What do you want?"

"Oh, just the glasses please. We brought our own drinks." You wink.

"Alright, but only if you share." He chuckles.

"I'm nothing if not generous." You joke, pushing him in the direction of where you see the beverage table is set up.

"His share is coming out of your bottle." Coryo says once the boy is out of earshot.

"Who do you think I am?" You ask, placing the giftbag on the ground and grabbing your bag off your shoulder, digging through the fabric you used to muffle the sounds of glass bottles rattling against one another. "I brought enough for the class."

"Of course you did." He chuckles, shaking his head slightly as you carefully pull another bottle out of the bag. "Be a doll, go dump this in the punch?" You smile up at him, holding it out to him expectantly.

"No! I'm not spiking anything." He laughs.

"Suit yourself, Boryo Coryo." You sigh with a teasing smile, placing your bags on the ground and walking over to the table at the side of the house, unscrewing the cap as you go.

"Where'd Y/N/N go?" Hilarius asks, returning to Coryo's side. He just nods over to you in response, not tearing his gaze away from your form as you dump the contents of the bottle into the bowl.

"Ah, gotcha." Your classmate laughs, holding an empty glass out for Coryo to take.

Coryo mutters a quiet 'thanks', refocusing himself on inspecting the glass in his hand for any dirt or fingerprints. It was spotless- of course it was.

"So, are you guys like... together? Or what's the deal?"

"Pardon?" Coryo is taken aback by the question, finally looking up at the boy.

"You and Y/N." He gestures toward you as you stir the bowl, simultaneously holding the mostly empty bottle up to your lips to let the last few drops fall onto your tongue. "You're always hovering around each other. Anything more to it? Everyone is wondering, but no one dares ask her."

"Oh. No." Coryo shakes his head, wishing his glass was full of whatever bitter alcohol you'd gifted him so he could down it all in one go.

"Sweet." Hilarius grins to himself, watching you intently.

Coryo raises an eyebrow at Hilarius, perplexed by his reaction. "What's so sweet about it?" he asks, trying to understand the amused grin on Hilarius' face.

Hilarius chuckles, leaning in slightly as if about to share a secret. "If you're not gonna go for her, I will."

Coryo's cheeks flush with a mixture of embarrassment and anger. "Be my guest." He spits through gritted teeth. He should have drank more- perhaps it would have made Hilarius's juvenile pursuits more tolerable.

Hilarius nudges him playfully, "Life's too short for missed opportunities, if you ask me." He looks back at you again, not so subtly raking his eyes over your figure and how it fits in your favourite party dress. "And that would be a damn shame of a missed opportunity."

Coryo glances over at you, catching your eye for a brief moment before quickly looking away. He clears his throat awkwardly. "If you say so. I find she's quite... overwhelming, at times."

"That's the best thing about her." Hilarius muses. "Just imagine it... You know what I mean? I bet she's just crazy. In a really good way."

Coryo's brow furrows at the implication, both from offense and intrigue. He knew you were stunning- even a fool could have told him that, but it was to make a mockery of your name to only look at you and see merely the potential of what you could do with your body. To him, you were like morning rain in the springtime; a breath of fresh air when you didn't have to defend yourself at every turn, but Hilarius Heavensbee didn't know the first thing about walking in the rain.

"Don't be vile." Coryo scoffs, giving a slight shake of his head.

As you finish up with the concoction in the bowl, Coryo watches you with a newfound awareness, a subtle curiosity lingering behind his stare.What would it be like? It's not something he has ever considered, or even had the time or desire to look at anyone that way. Especially not you, you were so personal to him it was off limits even in his own head. He didn't understand the seemingly overnight shift a couple years ago now where all the boys in your class started looking at you and the other girls like pieces of meat, but suddenly watching you lick clean the spoon you used to stir the punch, he could see that maybe they had a point. What it would be like to hear you panting into his ear. Tired, loving, even, like he was the only man in the world who could make you feel so, so good. To have your deep red lipstick staining his skin, his shoulders, his neck, possibly lower. The idea of having to explain the stains on the inside of his shirt to Tigris when he pleads with her to somehow get them out has his heartbeat racing... Likely, though, it was just the liquor starting to settle in his veins, is what he decided as he adjusted the front of his dress pants.

Hilarius chuckles at Coryo's reaction, seemingly unfazed by his disapproval. "Relax, man. I'm just saying, life's too short not to appreciate the whole package. Y/N's got the brains, the looks, and that fiery spirit. It's like having your cake and eating it too."

Coryo arches an eyebrow, unconvinced. "I appreciate her for more than just appearances, you know."

Hilarius smirks knowingly. "Of course, of course. I'm just speaking from a purely hypothetical standpoint. No harm in imagining what could be."

Coryo shoots him a skeptical glance, but before he can respond, you join them, empty bottle in hand. "What's the topic?" you ask, catching the tail end of their conversation.

Hilarius grins, shrugging. "Oh, just discussing the finer things in life. You know, like cake."

You raise an eyebrow, sharing a confused glance with Coryo. "Cake? Really? Are we eight?"

Coryo rolls his eyes. "Apparently, it's a metaphor for appreciating the whole package."

You raise an eyebrow, but neither of them care to elaborate. "Well, I hope you both appreciate this 'whole package' of a potion I just whipped up. It should be interesting." You nod back toward the table, taking one of the glasses from your classmate to pour the remainder of your bottle out for the three of you.

By the time your unknowing classmates started to loosen up, you were sitting in a circle in a corner of the yard with a few others.

"I have a present for everyone." You state in a pause of conversation, and Coryo watches as you reach into the front of your dress, into your bra, and pull out a small paper bag.

"Uhm- what is that?" Clemensia asks, leaning back as if the bag would explode.

"Weed!" You laugh, looking around at the suddenly silent group of kids you're sitting with as you peel the bag open, the smell wafting through the air making some of your friends scrunch up their noses in disgust. "Oh my god- have none of you ever seen weed before?" You knew they hadn't, you hadn't really, either, but it was fun to tease them.

They all share confused and embarrassed glances. "Guys, come on..." You chuckle.

"I don't think we should..." Festus mumbles, clearing his throat. Of course he was going to be a baby about it.

"It's harmless! It's a plant, how much could something that grows out of the ground really hurt you?"

"Have you ever heard of poison ivy? Or that stuff poor people in the Districts burn to clean their houses or whatever?" Arachne spits, side-eying the bag on the ground.

"Sage isn't poisonous." Sejanus grumbles, hardly audible next to you.

"Okay, yes, but this is just weed. It's fun. Trust me." You plead, looking around at your friends, eyes locking on Coryo to your left.

"Okay, big shot, have you done it?" Clemensia asks, clearly already knowing the answer.

"Well... No, but there's a first time for everything, isn't there?" You smile. "Coryo, come on." You point him out in particular and he curses himself because he knows he can't say no to you.

"Okay... what do we do with it?" He questions quietly.

You squeal, the alcohol really showing as you lean into him, hugging him excitedly. "That's my boy! We smoke it."

"Alright, how?" Hilarius cuts in, forcing you to look at him instead of Coryo as you furrow your brow.

"Uh... that's a good question. I brought matches, though."

Sejanus sighs. "Anyone have an apple?" he speaks drawing everyone's attention, confused looks now focused on him.

"An apple?" Someone inquires about specifics, but you're busy making yourself comfortable closer to Coryo, leaning your head on his shoulder. When he realizes you're there to stay, he quickly reaches for the bottle at his side to take another swig. He's far too sober to have you all over him like this, he wonders if you could feel his heartbeat the way he could.

"To make a pipe." Sejanus explains, like it's obvious.

You smile, nodding at him. "You heard the boy- someone find him an apple!"

"And a pen." He adds.

"And a pen!"

It doesn't take long for the supplies to be acquired and passed over to him as you sit in a circle on the grass, watching Sejanus carefully as he uses the pen to dig into the core of the apple. You wanted to remember how, but the alcohol in your system was making it difficult to focus. You had to completely block out anything else happening around you.

"Y/N." You blink at your friend as he drops the pen into his lap, holding his free hand out to you.

"Huh?"

"The weed." He shakes his hand for you to pass him the bag.

"Oh! Right!" You giggle, reaching out for the bag and handing it to him as he pries it open.

"What are you doing?" Livia's voice comes from above you and you swivel your head, quickly getting dizzy from the movement.

"Y/N brought weed." Hilarius answers for him, smiling wide. "Isn't she just the coolest?"

Coryo stares at him, moving his arm tighter around your oblivious form so your classmates could better see his hold on you.

"I- um..." The birthday girl is caught off guard, and quickly looks over her shoulder up at the house. "Can you not do that here? Take it to the park across the street."

"Oh- Oh! Of course, yes." You nod, scrambling to get up, immediately pulling her into a hug. "I should have asked, I'm sorry." You slur, not noticing how tense she is under your hold.

"Are you... drunk?"

"Maybe." You giggle, holding a finger to your lips as you pull away. "Happy birthday, by the way! I brought a gift for you, 'is over there." You point over to the table you placed the bag under, swaying slightly.

"Yeah... I already opened it, remember?"

"Oh, shit. Right! Well, I hope you like it, Liv. You're just the best..." You hum, hugging her again as she gives a panicked look to your classmates behind you, who just laugh.

"Alright, let's get you out of here. We're gonna go to the park, okay Y/N/N?" Coryo says, prying you off of Livia and giving her an apologetic look.

"Right!" You giggle, turning so fast you almost lose your balance. "Who's coming?"

"I'll come." Hilarius nods, quickly getting up alongside Sejanus, but no one else moves or says a word.

"You guys are babies!" You laugh.

"And Y/N is a drunk at sixteen. We all have flaws." Persephone speaks up, smug smile on her face as she walks up behind Livia.

Immediately, Coryo is bracing you from swinging at her as your smile drops within an instant and you try and throw yourself at her, manicured hands open and grasping for her hair which you just miss as he holds you back.

"Yeah, that's enough." Coryo grunts, trying to hold you back without hurting you. "We should probably go."

"Coryo, let me go, she-" You hiss, trying to pry him off of you. You didn't know when he got so much bigger or stronger than you.

"Like I said, a drunk." Persephone chuckles, chewing every syllable as it comes out of her mouth.

"That's precious coming from a damn cannibal!" You spit, still trying to get through him as your classmate stares at you in shock. "Yeah- did you even know what your parents were feeding you? 'Cause I do! You probably liked it, you vulture!"

Hilarius holds back a laugh, coming up behind you and pulling you back, taking you from Coryo's grip and hoisting you up over his shoulder to carry you away as you hit at his back, screaming to be let down.

"That's our cue." Sejanus mutters, patting Coryo's shoulder and brushing past him to follow after you and your friend. "Thanks for having us, Livia!"

Coryo is fuming as he watches your classmate carry you away, but he still really can't pinpoint why. It must be the amount of alcohol- he's never drank this much before, but he has heard anger is a symptom. He's seen it in your father. Now, he's seen it in you; but it's not like that kind of outburst was abnormal coming from you. He's probably mad at Persephone for bringing that out of you. It's her fault, honestly.

He silently grabs your backpack and your bottles, half-hazardly throwing them in before swinging it over his shoulder and following after Sejanus without another word.

"So," Arachne states once he's out of earshot, taking a sip out of her glass as she remains on the ground. "Are we betting on Heavensbee or Snow to lose their virginity to her tonight?"

The group very quickly became a hung jury.

"Listen, I know the truth, okay, guys, hear me out." Clemensia speaks up over her arguing classmates. "Tonight, specifically, it'll be Hilarius." She holds her hand up to stop anyone who started arguing. "Coriolanus will probably wait until they're married or something, but trust me when I tell you that he will marry her."

"Marry her? We're sixteen, aren't you getting ahead of yourself, Clemmie?" Festus laughs, shaking his head.

"Obviously he doesn't know it yet, he's denser than over stirred cake batter, but he just follows her around like a lost puppy. That will never change, also, he's the only one that she's never had a problem with! And she'll fight with anyone!" Clemensia states, nodding with the finality of her statement. "That's all I have to say."

"Wait, you're telling me Coriolanus and Y/N aren't together?" Pup asks, just joining the conversation after sitting there confused for the last few minutes.

"My point exactly."

"Sejanus, you wizard, show us the ways." You giggle, plopping down on the ground where Hilarius carefully let you back onto your feet once you reached the park, previous argument completely forgotten.

"Okay." He laughs, sitting down next to you. "There's three holes in the apple. You hold it on the side like this, then you put the weed on the very top hole..." He explains as he's doing it, and you watch intently. "Then you hold the match up until it's burning, and you'll put your thumb over this hole here once you inhale it through the last one..." His voice trails off as he holds the apple up to your lips, doing all the work but letting you just breathe in the smoke.

You try, eyes closed as the three boys watch you until you pull away quickly to cough it all out as the smoke burned into your throat. "Oh my god..." You laugh, eyes watering as you continue to cough. "Your turn."

"You okay?" Hilarius asks with a slight chuckle, rubbing gentle circles into your back.

"Fine." You nod, quickly wiping your eyes.

"Here." Sejanus holds the apple out to the boy next to you. He takes it, and Coryo feels like he can finally breathe now that Hilarius doesn't have his hands on you.

"Where'd you learn this?" He asks Sejanus, ignoring your classmate following the same routine you did.

"Guess." Sejanus answers, looking over at him. "I don't smoke, but lots of my friends parents did. Back in Two."

"Right." The fact that they smoked around children didn't shock Coryo. Not one bit.

"Coryo, loosen up, man, you look like you're sitting with a stick up your ass." Hilarius offers it to him now, and he looks over at you. As if somehow you would tell him what to say.

"Try it!" You urge him on, shifting over so you're kneeling in front of him, taking the apple from Hilarius for him. "I'll light for you."

"Uh, okay, yeah." He swallows thickly, subconsciously leaning back a little bit at your closer proximity.

He takes the fruit from your hand, watching as your strike up a new match. "Tell me when you're ready..." You hum, moving even closer as he lifts the apple to his lips.

"Ready." He says quietly, and before you put the flames to the flowers, you're reaching up with your other hand to push his hair out of his face and hold it back for him so it doesn't somehow light.

He doesn't last long, looking into your eyes and trying to inhale the thick, abrasive smoke; it's only a second before he's pulling back quickly, coughing his lungs out as the other two boys laugh at him.

"It takes some getting used to, that's okay..." You smile, taking another hit while the flower was still burning.

You exhale, and it's smoother this time. "I did it!" You grin, choking only slightly over your words.

"Good job, Y/N/N." Sejanus laughs.

"You okay?" You ask Coryo and he nods, recovering from the coughing fit now as the weed really starts to take affect in your system.

You feel like your world is swaying as you kneel in front of him. "Did it work? Can you feel it?" You ask, and he shakes his head.

"It's the second hit." You determine, feeling bold as you straddle yourself over his lap. "I've got an idea. Do you trust me?" You whisper and he nods quickly, leaning back on his palms. Once again, not nearly drunk enough for this.

"Yeah, you know what, I've gotta get back. My parents are heading out pretty quick, here..." Hilarius makes an excuse, but you can hardly even hear him now. "Sejanus, you coming?"

Clearly getting the message he nods, standing up and dusting off his pants. "Have fun, you two. Get home safe."

"Bye!" You giggle, waving to them with your free hand.

The silence that surrounds you is deafening, particularly for poor Coryo, who is fighting for his life to not move. Not that he doesn't want you this close, apparently he does; if his body and his mind racing with thoughts are any indicator, the biggest problem is that he wants to touch you. He knows he shouldn't.

"I've got an idea." You say again, attention returned to him. "But you have to trust me."

"I trust you." He mumbles with a slight nod.

"Good." You smile, taking yet another pull from the apple, holding it carefully the way Sejanus told you to.

You painfully hold your breath, feeling the drug cloud your mind as you put it down gently on the ground next to you. Coryo starts to panic as you lean in closer, closer than you've ever been to him before, and god, did he hate and love where this was going.

You stop, lips brushing against his as you let the smoke out of your lungs, and all he has to do is breathe. Why is that suddenly so hard? He manages, somehow, feeling the smoke from your lungs flood into his own.

Once you move back, settling yourself on his lap and tilting your head at him, he turns to breathe it all out away from you. He doesn't know if he can look back.

You smile, settling your arms around his neck and subconsciously playing with the ends of his hair. "How does it feel?"

"Good." He says quietly, finally gaining the courage to look up at you.

"Good?" You hum with a slight nod, letting yourself get closer to him again as he rests a hand on your waist.

"Really good." He confirms, looking into your eyes; glazed over from the substances you so carelessly consume. "Y/N/N?"

"Yes, my dear Coryo?" You answer, already getting giggly.

He doesn't say anything more.

Fuck it.

With his free hand he's grabbing the back of your neck and pulling you closer, crashing his lips against yours.

"Y/N, hey." Coryo greets you, catching up to you just as you get to the front doors of the academy. He hasn't seen you since Saturday night- since he walked you home after you spent nearly an hour kissing him absolutely senseless at the park across from Livia's home. He couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Coryo, hi." You smile, textbooks tucked into your arms as you join him walking into the front doors of the academy on Monday morning. "How are you feeling?"

"Me? Fine." He shrugs, failing to mention the crippling hangover he was nursing for all of the day prior.

"What?" You laugh, sighing with fake disappointment. "That's not fair. I was dying yesterday. Literally, when I woke up I thought I had died and gone to hell. I don't even remember how I got home."

"You don't?" He chuckles nervously.

"No. I don't remember a thing." You laugh. "That's how you know it was a good night, so I've heard."

"Really? Nothing at all?" He asks, nervousness and disappointment flashing behind his eyes.

"Well, I remember spiking the punch." You laugh. "Why, did I do something bad?" Your laugh is replaced with anxiety as your voice lowers so only he can hear, catching the look in his eye.

Coryo clears his throat, avoiding your gaze as he shakes his head. "No, well... You did call Persephone a cannibal. Tried to fight her."

"Oh, well, that's standard." You shrug. "No big deal, then."

"Yeah. No big deal."

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[amunraanders]

It was a gloomy dark and windy sunday afternoon , the digital watch beside your bed was glowing in a deep dark red shade in the dimly lit room you were sleeping in. First thought upon looking at the watch felt fuzzy as well as disorriented and the feeling didn't seem to subside even after what felt like an eternity passing.

'Bzzzzzz, Bzzzzzz' your phone had been vibrating for at least 10 Minutes before,you even considered opening your eyes.

'strange' was your First thought as you didn't remember setting an alarm.

So you rolled around in the bed as your mind started pondering about the promises of meetups you made,to at least three different people.

'Sunday...sunday ...huh?' did you promise to meet up to with someone on sunday?Or did you forget an important call? Perhaps someones Birthday?

a loud sigh left your lips as you began to strech your already tensed muscles.

Your body ached as you did so but your mind didnt stop wandering,lost in countless thoughts.

'I don't rememb- ' eyes suddenly opened wide , as the Realisation Struck you.

'FUCK fuck fuck ' you shouted loudly

'oh no No No No , that was today?'

Frantically you tried to locate your phone under the muddled Up blankets and pillows, your hands examining every Inch of fabric for any anomalities or bumps as a muffled vibration arose under the sheets, fingers still urgently searching for it.

'hello' your voice spoke softly even before your Hands brought the Phone to your ear.

'Hi giirrrrl ,where are you? We've been waiting for you' Bianca said while giggling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The smugness in her voice made you think about the last time you went to one of these sleepovers.

As always It started out pretty harmless, everyone was having fun chatting, laughing, enjoying their drinks ,when suddenly Bianca brought up the topic of Dating. You rolled your eyes at her , as you knew exactly what was about to happen since it already happened twice before.

The whole group started getting closer together , cackling at the topic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

' and also Liv brought someone new she'd like you to meet. So hurry up already'

The other girls were clearly chuckling and snickering in the Background.

'Sure Bia, I'll be there in 30' , i'll just need to take a quick Shower beforehand" you said tiredly.

" Okay Just Hurry Up already , Kevin's been waiting for you" she chuckled loudly as she hung up.

'not again ' you thought as you sluggishly got Up from the bed, practically dragging yourself to the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taking a quick shower was outside of your usual routine , as you enjoyed taking long baths in boiling hot water with loads of foam and bath scrubs.

'has to suffice" you thought as your hands scrubbed away the thoughts of all the times your Friends Tried to Hook you Up with someone new.

"Im sure they only wish me well".

It seemed Like they didn't understand that you weren't interested in Dating,

Or maybe it was the fact that they didn't know that you secretly weren't into men at all. It gave you the ick , each time they brought up finding some hot guy for you to Date.

First it was Kent then it was Sam and now Kevin? How were you going to get out of this situation this time.

Your head started hurting at the thought of coming up with a new fake excuse , for not being able to make it to the Date they arranged for you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Knock knock kn-*

You didnt even have the time to Knock for the third time before the door flung Open.

"Heeeeeey giiirl" two hands greedily pulled you in , hands thugging at your already torn dress.

"Oh so you dressed up for Him"

"No I didn't" you said silently , your voice getting lost in the already loud surrounding.

"Doesn't matter anyways.He's here and I'd like you to get to know him" Bianca spoke, while she eagerly pulled you inside the living room.

"Look everyone , (y/n) finally arrived! We've been waiting for you " the girls started cheering drunkenly.

You greeted everyone with a quiet wave,not really saying much.

"H..Hi Girls..been a long time since we last saw each other " trying to force a Smile,but failing misserably , you tried to hide your embarassment by tucking your hair from besides your ear, in front of your face , so nobody would notice how uncomfortable you were.

"Yeah its time to meet Kevin now" Bianca spoke filled with thrill.

You tried to pull back, shaking your head in disapproval, although no one seemed to notice ..beside..this one Girl.. you've never seen before.

She was tall with Hair as black as the night, what caught you off guard tho, was not her looks or the way she looked at you.. it was the way she moved herself inbetween Bianca and yourself.

Mumbled Words...you couldnt really make out what she was saying, or what anyone else was saying either.

Eyes were fixated on her Features .

on her lips ..and how she was passionate about what she was saying.

You couldnt help the Feeling of something 'else' , you've never felt or experienced ever before , forming in the pit of your stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#part one

Part two will be posted soon

[storiesofsvu]

No Strings Ch 1

Warnings: Sex, smut, sometimes some regular talk of the SVU job, the usual

It was the middle of August, and the heat of New York hit you like a sauna as you stepped out onto the street, thankful that despite it being kind of a work gathering, you’d opted for fitted dress shorts. At least the tank top you chose was buttoned and collared, makeup and hair fresh after the day spent with friends out in the city. Luckily the humid evening made for a pleasant walk down to the bar; it was some lawyer’s birthday, Trevor? You thought his name was, a casual night some of the squad had invited you to join that you’d happily accepted. You had been at SVU for nearly 10 months now, but was still labelled the “new girl” and wanted to make sure you showed the support to the squad both in AND outside of work. 

Pushing the door to the pub, distracted, replying to a couple of texts on your phone as you  headed up to the bar, tossing down your card & waiting for the bartender. As you leaned over, smiling to greet them was when you gained attention from the A.D.A. you DID know, who, used to only seeing you in dress clothes, hair neatly tied back, in professional mode, tried to hide his gaze as his eyes wandered up your curves exposed to the humid August night.  He certainly wasn’t used to this feeling, and he definitely felt the blood rushing to a work inappropriate area.The two of you had worked lots of cases over the time you’d spent at SVU many involving long office hours, long nights playfully (and sometimes not so playfully) bickering back and fourth. Completely professional, but you had gotten along, friends even, you may have been new, but you were smart, quick witted, and had a fire behind your eyes that he definitely wanted to see more of.

“Double Lagavulin, 2 cubes, please. Can you keep the tab open?” You said sweetly, smiling at the bartender as he nodded, pouring your scotch before you spotted Olivia, heading over to her table to join in on the festivities. Luckily, despite her being the Sergeant, she’d been quick to take Y/N under her wing, especially outside work since they had some similar personal history. 

“Hey” Liv greeted warmly, “What is this, casual Friday?” She laughed.

“Wow Sarge….” Y/N retorted, laughing herself, “I was out with friends, and it’s a million degrees out there. Give a girl a chance to not wear business attire and she’s gonna!” Smiling as you took a generous sip of your drink, you noticed Barba seemed quiet, strangely out of character. “What? Ya’ never seen a girl drink a scotch before?” You gave him a little nudge, breaking him out of his trance. He shook his head, exhaling a laugh as he rolled his eyes playfully.

“Just never thought you’d be the one drinking it” He replied, taking a sip of his own. He looked nice tonight, still the put together man you knew from work, but simply in a dress shirt, unbuttoned a few buttons, sleeves rolled up already to combat the heat. You had to admit, you did miss the suspenders, but this casual Barba was something you could definitely appreciate. 

“You think just ‘cuz I’m the newest on the squad and I’m a girl I’d rather a cosmopolitan?” You quirked an eyebrow.

“A Cosmo? Hmm…no, definitely not….” He paused, thinking, “Long Island, vodka cran maybe…” You threw back a laugh,

“Barba please, you know Y/L/N’s a not like that, she’s proven that over her time at SVU, let her drink her scotch in peace.” Olivia laughed from beside you. You gave Barba a wink as an unfamiliar man joined the table. “Y/L/N, This is Trevor Langan!” She introduced you.

“Hi! Happy Birthday!” You exclaimed as you shook his hand, “Glad I could finally meet you.” He turned to Liv, offering to buy her a drink, and the two of them disappeared to the bar. A moment passed before the man next to you nudged your arm, bringing you back to reality.

“You did really well on the Miller case, it was a rough one. Without your interrogation or testimony I doubt we would’ve won it.” 

“Thanks” you gave a soft smile, “Never knew you were one for following up with congratulators Mr Barba.” He smiled over his glass at you across the small table, thinking how beautiful you looked, relaxed, sun kissed, hair flowing across your shoulders, and outside the squad room, how he wished he could see you like this more often, your relaxed frame making him weak.

“You know, you can call me Rafael.” Your eyes widened slightly, the ADA certainly wasn’t this friendly with all the other detectives, but you weren’t about to protest. “Now,” He smiled, “How ‘bout another drink?” You smirked, grabbing his empty glass with yours as you twirled yourself around the man

“I’ve got a tab” With a wink, you were off to the bar to get some refills.

*****

A few hours of flirtation, casual work talk, and a few more scotch’s, and you found yourself settling your tab at the bar before heading over to the stragglers of the group to say your goodbyes. Rafael, Fin, and Carisi were the ones left, Olivia & Amanda having left earlier for mom duty. None of you were overly drunk, happily tipsy, and each in complete control of yourself. You headed to the booth, grabbing your bag as you started your goodbyes. Barba turned to you and asked which way you were going, when you replied “Midtown” he said he was heading in the same direction and offered to go with you.

“Barba please, It’s a short walk, I can manage”

“Seriously, you work for SVU and you’re going to walk home, alone, in the middle of the night, after a few drinks?” He raised his eyebrows at you. 

“What? I show a little leg & I’m not allowed to go outside alone?” You joke, rolling your eyes, as you glanced around the table you knew if you didn’t accept his offer now, there was no way Carisi was letting you leave that bar alone either. “Fine, c’mon.” You gesture to Rafael, “G’night guys, I’ll see ya Monday” you gesture to the other men left at your table as you head out into the sweet summer night with the Cuban you’ve not so secretly been dying to be alone with all night.

The two of you small talk along the way, his hand occasionally brushing yours, the usual joking, sassing, you could keep up with each other like no one else could. Within 15 minutes, you reached your apartment door. As you slowed to a stop, Raf looked back at you slowly realizing the night was nearly over, a swell of sadness took over his eyes for a flash.

“You weren’t kidding?”

“Nope. Nice and close, would’ve been totally fine” 

“A lot can happen in 15 minutes…:”

You rolled your eyes, knowing that New York could be dangerous, but also knowing that you were a detective, currently without her shield and gun, you recognized his concern. You also recognized that this moment, was probably the best chance to shoot your shot. “Well, you’re already here…how about a nightcap?” Your cocked eyebrow and smug grin was all Rafael needed to nod his head as he followed you into the building.

“Make yourself at home” You gestured into the apartment, Rafael took in your home as he made his way in, the door opened right into a very open concept, kitchen against the wall, island & small dining table “separating” it from the living room. A tv, small keyboard, and shelves full of your favourite books and nick-nacks filled the space facing the floor to ceiling windows leading out to the patio. 

“Wow…” Rafael commented as he looked around, he was impressed, and happy to be getting more of an insight into your life. “How can you afford this on your salary?” He didn’t mean to be intrusive, it just came out. You giggled from the open kitchen, a sound he could definitely get used to, before replying, as you poured two glasses of scotch. 

“I’m pretty sure if I tell you, I’d have to kill you.” You looked over to him in the living room, admiring the wall behind the keyboard as you handed him his glass, brushing up against him a little closer than in the bar. 

“Did… you take these?” He suggested towards the small canvas prints on the wall, all of New York, some detailed pictures of people in iconic places.

“Yeah…I dabbled with photography for a while in school, needed some kind of side hustle.” You shrugged it off. “But c’mon, the real magic isn’t in here!” You lit up, grabbing his hand as you pushed open the door to the patio, a small, but still lavish spot. A small jacuzzi in the corner, comfy benches, but most importantly, an amazing view of the city in front of you. 

“Well this view certainly is something” Rafael murmured, taking a swig of his drink before he placed it down on a table, and approached your back as you took in the warm summer air. His brain ran through a million different moments over the past few months, over the evening at the bar, and came to a quick conclusion. You jumped a little as you felt him right behind you, his hands on your hips, his breath on your neck. “But this is something else.” He whispered quietly.

“Raf…” You breathed. He pulled your body tight into his, feeling the hotter heat from him than the air. His hands snaked around your midsection, staying respectable as his lips began their assault on your neck, Slowly and very deliberately making their way down to your shoulder, slowly pulling your top further from your neck.He slowly moved back up as his fingers traced feather light trails up and down your sides, slowly playing down your hips until his lips found that sweet spot on your neck. A little nip first, to judge your reaction, a gasp of satisfaction, he smirked, biting down harder, then quickly kissing the same spot. You whispered a moan as he turned you in his arms to face him, you were flushed and breathless, completely at his whim. 

“Yes cariño?” He murmured, his pointer finger circled under your chin, bringing it up to face him, your eyes wide and excited, pupils blown with lust. Without replying, you reached up to the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss, feeling his lips on yours for the first time was exactly what you’d imagined. Soft, yet assertive, you may have made the first move but there was no question who was in control anymore. He slid his tongue across your lower lip and you let him into your mouth, massaging his tongue with yours, moaning into his mouth, no kiss before had ever been quite like this one, the fire surging through your body. His hands found your hips, pulling you tightly against his strong body, arms wrapping tightly around your back, a hand slowly creeping down to cup your ass.  You shivered a little bit, not sure if it was the New York breeze or a reaction of the kiss, Rafael slowly pulled away from you, looking down with soft eyes.

“Should we maybe head inside?” His eyebrow cocked, that usual smug smirk on his face, you gently laughed, shaking your head before kissing him again, slowly walking backwards into the apartment, barely able to detach yourself from his body. “Wait…”He muttered, your heart briefly stopped, was this not what he wanted? “This stays professional, no strings attached okay? We both know neither of us have enough time for anything more than that.”

“Of course.” You looked up lightly smiling, “We’re way too busy, and the whole dating someone you work with, not a great idea. I understand.” He smirked at you, you were at a mutual understanding before he kissed you again, you nipped gently at his bottom lip before descending onto his neck, ever so slowly starting to unbutton his shirt before dropping it to the floor. Rafael softly stroked your cheek, his green eyes delicate, but full of fire at the same time.

“You are absolutely stunning.” He whispered, showing off that soft side before pulling you into a deep kiss again, it was hot and heavy, his hands grabbed at the back of your thighs, lifting you up as you wrapped your legs around his hips, grinding against him as he moaned into your mouth. “Bedroom?” He managed.

“End of the hall” You breathed against his lips, pulling him even closer to your body, earning for any amount of friction and contact you could get. He put you down on your feet as he pulled away from your lips, his hands travelling from your face, ghosting across your neck, before hitting the top button of your blouse. His eyes followed his hands as he slowly undid the first two buttons.

“You’re sure this is okay?” Rafael looked directly into your eyes at the last question, needing your 100% approval.

“Yes” You whimpered back to him.

“Say stop, and I’ll stop, I promise.” You nodded, tip toeing up to his lips again as he quickly pulled off your shirt, starting to unbutton your shorts as you reached behind to undo your own bra, dropping it all to the floor. His touches were torturously slow, making their way along your exposed skin before they hit your ribs, his hands gripping your sides as his thumbs skimmed across the underside of your breasts. You sharply inhaled, wanting more, craving more, needing more, but Rafael knew what he was doing, and he loved it. With just that teasing touch, his hands trailed back down your sides until the reached your hips, he let one hand trail across your thigh before he slowly swiped at your folds through your underwear. You fully pulled away from his lips and gasped, burying your face in his neck. He chuckled, slowly, and ever so softly circling your clit. “Oh cariño, this all for me?” He smirked, using his free hand to move your head to face him.

“Yes.” The teasing was killing you, you’d already been pining after the Cuban A.D.A for months, and this certainly wasn’t helping your need. Rafael mumbled something in Spanish as he pushed you back on the bed, letting you watch as he slowly undid his belt, dropping his pants to the growing pile of discarded clothes on the floor. Slowly climbing over you he kissed you again, deeply, as your hands wrapped around his back. He took his time kissing down your body, sucking a nipple into his mouth as his thumb & forefinger toyed with the other one, pinching slightly, making you moan. You could feel his smirk against your skin as he continued his assault down your body until he reached your hips. Ever so lightly, he pulled your panties off, kissing up your leg as he made his way back up to where you craved his contact with your skin. He spread your legs, his breath warm against your thighs and swore in Spanish before poking his head up so you could see his face.

“As I said….completely stunning” He winked before biting the inside of your thigh, making you gasp.

“Raf….please!” You begged, pushing your hips up right before his mouth swung back down, swiping your folds. He slowly teased you, fuck if you ever brought this man a case file on time again if this was his strategy, you thought. His mouth enveloped your clit, a tiny few licks against it before sucking it into his mouth. You swore, your hands flying to his hair, ruining the perfect coif. Rafael alternated between licking you and sucking your clit before laying back on your clit, and slowly sinking a finger inside of you, slowly torturously pumping it in and out. “Fuuuuuck” Was about all you could say as a second finger slowly entered with it, scissoring you, preparing you. Those fingers slowly curled up, hitting just the right spot, and you moaned loudly, a few more hard sucks while he tapped your g-spot and you were cumming hard, thriving against him as he held your hips down on the bed.

You could imagine the smirk on his face before you saw it, even as you came down from your orgasm. Rafael slowly kissed up your body, settling on your lips again, you could taste yourself, and fuck that was somehow even sexier. He gave you a minute to recover, trailing his fingers across your thighs & lower abdomen. You smiled into his neck, taking the opportunity to play back and nip at his skin as your hands snaked down his body, pushing at the waistband of his boxers. Doing his best to assist you, he kneeled back on his haunches, relieving himself from the confines of the boxers, before tossing them to the ever-growing pile on the floor. You tried to hide your excitement as you took him all in, you knew he was cocky in the courtroom, and there certainly was a reason why. Nudging your thighs apart with his knee he moved in-between them, lowering down to take a nipple in his mouth again, nipping at it before pulling back and looking you in the eye again.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Raf, please” You practically begged.

“Are you on the pill?” He questioned quietly, you nodded, mentioning you were clean, been tested recently before he lowered himself over you, slowly sliding into you, causing you both to moan out in satisfaction. It was like you were made for each other, the way you fit together, he stretched you like no one ever before, but it wasn’t painful at all, you were in complete ecstasy.

“Oh my god Rafa..” You breathed into his ear as he settled against you, nipping at your earlobe.

“Fuck you feel amazing” He breathed back as he slowly pulled out before pushing back into you, creating a rhythm. You felt incredible, this was absolutely nothing you’d ever dreamed of happening, and your body was on fire, each thrust pushing you closer to the maximum. You pulled Rafael close and kissed deep, pulling his lower lip with you as you pulled away before practically begging.

“Harder….please” He looked down at you before smirking again and pulling out.

“Okay carino, if that’s what you want” As he gently swatted at your hip, motioning for you to turn over. You propped yourself up on your elbows, waggling your ass to him as he realigned himself before pushing in, hard and fast, his thrusts pounding you deeper into the bed.

“Fuck! Raf” You nearly screamed as you could feel every ridge hitting you in all the right spots, his hands digging into your hips tightly, there was no doubt you were going to be marked by him tomorrow. Barba kept pounding into you, reaching a hand around over to your clit, quickly rolling it between your fingers as yours dug into the sheets of the bed.

“Come for me carino…” He pulled you up his chest flush against your back, fingers working against you, thrusting into you front behind “Come for Papi, now.” With that little added word, you were gone, his arm dropped from your chest as you fell forward to the mattress, moaning his name as he fucked you through your orgasm as his slowly took him over. He slowed his thrusts as he came, gently hovering his body above yours as he kissed the back of your neck and shoulders. “Good girl” he praised in a whisper, slowly removing himself from you as he collapsed on his back on the other side of the bed. 

Both of you needed a few moments of heavy breathing coming down from you session before you turned to face Rafael.

“Holy shit…” You breathed.

“Agreed” Rafael muttered as he reached over to you, pulling you into his side, letting you cuddle into his side for a few long moments before he continued his thoughts. “I….I hate to ruin the moment but, remember, no one from work needs to know about this, okay?”

You barked a quiet laugh at his comment, “You….hate to ruin the moment…isn’t that your number one quality?” He snickered, giving your ass a smack, “Don’t worry Barba, I’m not saying anything. Could you imagine the field day Carisi would have with something like this?!” You both laughed heartily as he pulled the duvet up over both of you, holding you gently until you fell into a gentle sleep. He kissed your forehead, pulling himself quietly from your bed, picking up his clothes before he snuck from your apartment, there was no good in sleepovers between coworkers. 

[bellysoupset]

I still have so many of your fics to comment on so please bear with me. You even introduced a whole new character since I last appeared here. I'm sorry for my comments being so sporadic, but I need to tell you that I love Max already. He is so prickly but an absolute baby when it comes to his tummy. (((Maaaaaybe you could get one of Wendy and Bella's friends, Meg or Babs to rub it for him one day, down the line? 👀)))

First the stomach bug from hell and him having no one to pick him up & care for him 🥺

Also, poor thing threw up in front of his class. I can relate to that humiliating experience (not from a teacher's POV though, but still). Not a fun experience, 0/10, would not recommend.

I also loved Vince taking care of him despite thinking he is hangover and figuring out Max is his old bully. Such a sweet guy. Then him having to suffer through Wendy's birthday party right after catching Max's bug. Also, the necklace he got for Wen is so pretty. Good taste, Vin.

And the bus trip after everything?? God, Soup, you killed me with Max  being like 'yeah my gut doing this to me is normal' then suddenly going 'actually no, my tummy hurts, please do something'. Then Vin squeezing his knee and jumping in to help by singing with the kids. So adorable. Loved the little interactions with the individual kids, too. It gave me an idea but I'm gonna send that in a separate ask because it could sorta kinda become a fic request (?) You will see soon.

- 💜

💜 !!! Darling, bear with you?? I'm thriving!

I'm sooo happy you like Max! And for your suggestion about Babs and Meg, I'll think of that... 👀 Truth be told, Meg is more of a tertiary character (only mentioned in passing), while Barbie has a little more personality, but I mostly have her as a secondary character to Wendy, Bella, Jon.

I actually have a gigantic portfolio of secondary and tertiary characters that are specific for certain OCs (for example Sandra, Chuck and Dean, Leo's coworkers), I think I need to introduce some of them that only live in my head and not the paper!

I'm so sorry you can relate to throwing up in class, that's mortifying. Big hug 🫂🫂

Vince's taste is so girly and romantic, he's very lucky his girlfriend happens to like those things. I need to write something where he gets Bell a gift and Bella is like... my man. What is this? 😂😂

And about your other ask, with the request, HELL YEAH. On the drafts right now. I keep having this mental image of Vince and Liv with cat face paint on, so we're rolling with that.

[keysimash]

Gather round everyone its edgy poetry time again

Everybody, I've got an interesting question for today's consideration:

how can I stop haunting myself?

I've lived in this state for as long as I've lived

I wish I could peel my past off of myself

I live fourty minutes from my hometown.

I used to live

here

Right turn there

I'm in the passenger seat and my best friend is driving me where my mom drove me a decade and a half ago.

When i was little mom said if ghosts were real they were probably just recordings in places where time is thin

here

So clearly I can see my younger self here -- i ate at that restraunt dozens of times, here is where i tried to run away before I knew what running away was, when my get-away bag had stuffed animals instead of hundreds of dollars. God how many times have i passed that stoplight. That clocktower is a Pokéstop in Pokémon Go but stopped working long before the game was even conceived. Mom how many miles did you drive me?

enough to get recorded?

i used to live

out by a strip mall

by a big chain grocery store

i hated that store. i hated those apartments. i didn't know it then but I do now

Different friends have driven me there for different reasons. For new reasons the mind walks old paths. They live near where i used to live. I walked the snack and clothing aisles in that store like the hallways in my second house, which has been repainted now.

I've been to funerals and birthday parties in the same church that I've only ever attended as a guest.

This is just nostalgia, this is just getting old, but

If I can see my younger self, maybe if I look correctly I can see my older self too and ask them do you hate me as much as I hate i, who came before me? do your plans for meeting your past self still include gratuitous use of the nearest blunt object?

I flinch and I hate myself for it.

We turn a corner to go to the specialty Asian grocery store in the bad part of town and I think, in my best friend's car, this is where my sperm donor got struck by a vehicle while in the bicycle lane and god didn't even have the courtesy to splatter his brains across the pavement.

The city I live in is filled with ghosts that are much more violent.

There is the college where more of my friends go where they found a dead body just outside campus when semester started, right across the street from where I walked across broken shop-window glass and thought "thank god it wasn't my family's store." not twenty minutes from there is the creek behind my third or was it fourth house where I bled on the concrete and grass. There's the bridge the very tall very dark bridge on the way home from work. I had a birthday party so long ago I don't remember how old I turned at the same mall my friends and I went to over the summer. There's people I can never talk to again that work in this city every day just like I do and there's people I can never talk to again thousands of miles away

I wish I could peel my past off myself but I tried that and it just makes it more visible.

The house where i lived last is already up on Zillow, repainted. The kitchen cabinets weren't even blue for a year. I wonder what the realtors

thought

of all the holes in the hallway and the kitchen and all the mold in the bathrooms.

I wonder if they walked into a room and god I wonder if they got chills like I did. Emotions leave a presence. Did they stand at the back porch staring out at the backyard unable to move not knowing why. Or did they continue, unfazed, not even feeling a ghost's breath on their shoulders.

They've probably seen it all. Seen worse

Did someone else suffer in the home I live in now?

I am haunted by myself, the fact that i was here but I wasn't.

I've lived in this state for as long as I've lived

I walk the same pathways in the same familiar roads

Neurons going the same way they used to in recognition.

Already the way home is more mine than anything, even though it's only a few streets from where I used to live.

If I turn the wrong corner I'm back where i used to be.

though I'm too young to know much about how old recordings work

If I walk these paths enough times, with my friends, by myself

Maybe the ghosts will get taped over?

[crazybigredlove]

5th September 2013

Dear Pete, 

Do you know how weird it was to go to dinner tonight for your birthday, even though you weren't there? Okay, technically it was for Christopher but neither of us even wanted to go given that we have to be up early in the morning to go to work. Or rather, he does. I'm on holidays. Woot woot. Plus, we wanted to stay in and watch that new episode of The Walking Dead. 

Following the events of the last few weeks, Christopher decided that if we had to go to yet another birthday bash in his name then we were going to get very inebriated. Seemed a little immature and unnecessary, but I'm a firm believer that all the best nights tend to be born out of those very thoughts. 

Tequila, Jäger, something else... 

Bet you think I'm using alcohol to numb the pain and mask the discontent I'm experiencing with regard to my life, and you are absolutely right. It would appear that I've developed a drinking problem. Having the insight to see your problems is half the battle though so I'm already on the road to recovery and that is something worth drinking to. 

Ugh. Your brother has come in and passed out beside me. Again. He came in, mumbled something incoherent about writing emails, and then collapsed on the bed. It doesn't bother me anymore. I'm now completely desensitised to his strange ways and glad he didn't move in any earlier in my life. Getting quite adept at writing when drunk now though. Besides, isn't that when all the best writers used to do their best writing? 

It's not so bad having him in here, though I'd never tell him that. Downside is that between him and Buffy there isn't a lot of room left for me. Not exactly winning at life right now. Maybe I'll get lucky and Buffy will pee on Christopher's feet tonight rather than mine and that will motivate both of them to leave the room. Would be nice to have a night off. There are other reasons it is nice to have him here other than the potential to wake urine-free. The Czech messaged tonight. Bumped into him while out shopping for happiness. Surprisingly it was sold out everywhere and instead I was forced to overpay for mediocrity instead. Happiness has never been in such short supply, as reinforced by The Czech who brushed me in front of his mates. Called out a hello, got three words out of him, and then he ran away. He messaged tonight to say that he had been in a hurry and did try to find me later. How hard could he have tried when he had his phone in his hand and he didn't call to see where I was? Anyway, he asked if he could come over. He's aware of the Big Red situation and the fact that we are both single for the first time since we dated and he was very determined after twelve months of dinners to seal the deal. Those weren't his exact words, but that was basically what he was saying. Told him he was welcome to come over but that I wasn't promising sexual contact as I didn't want to. Honestly, the man has dated me and we still haven't slept together. He should know better than anyone that I am never a bankable commodity. 

Prudish or not, sexually transmitted diseases are disgusting and if I was to catch one I would be eternally mortified. Nobody wants to have that conversation. No one. Plus I don't like the idea of any more men than is absolutely necessary knowing intimate details about me. I don't want them all to know whether I'm good at it or whether I look good naked or what my orgasm face looks like. Why would I want more than the necessary amount of people having that much information about me?! 

That was basically the night. A few shots, annoying messages from a man who only wants me for sex, and your brother passing out beside me. 

The problem with wanting more from life is that if you're going to get it you tend to need to know what it is that you want. 

Liv x 

[capseycartwright]

'cause when you open your eyes, i feel alive

“I’ve thought about it a lot,” Christopher explained, passing the coffee back to Eddie. “And I wanted to talk to you about it first, but I’d like to change my name to Buckley-Diaz, too.”

or - eighteen-year-old christopher decides he wants to be a buckley-diaz too, and he surprises buck on his 40th birthday.

inspired by my own post this morning

ao3 link

Morning coffee had long since been a ritual for Eddie. Those mornings when he was at home, and they didn’t need to rush, he liked to make himself a cup of coffee, and drink it out on the back porch, gently swaying back and forth on the porch swing he and Buck had built back when they’d first bought their house. A lot had changed, over the years – he and Buck had been together for the better part of a decade, now, and their toddlers were slowly growing into children, getting closer to the same age Christopher had been when they had first met Buck, and Christopher himself was eighteen now, more grown up than Eddie knew what to do with – but this, his morning coffee ritual hadn’t changed.

Sometimes, Buck joined him, and sometimes Christopher did – if he could drag himself out of bed early enough – but most of the time, the ritual was Eddie’s to enjoy, sipping on his coffee as the sun rose over Los Angeles. He couldn’t believe he’d been in LA for so long now – the majority of Christopher’s life had been spent in the city, and his kid was an LA native, these days, introducing himself as being from there.

“Morning, dad,” Christopher greeted with a yawn, closing the sliding door of the kitchen behind him, joining Eddie on the swing seat. Spring was slowly turning into summer, warmth lingering in the air in the mornings where it had previously been cold, and Eddie couldn’t help but smile as Christopher settled himself down next to Eddie, clearly enjoying the bright rays of early morning sunshine.

“Morning, kid,” Eddie returned the greeting. “You’re up early.”

Christopher shrugged. “Liv and Violet decided to pile on Buck,” he explained. “Woke me up.”

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh. The twins – because that had been a shock – were a pair of matching hurricanes, every bit Evan Buckley, two five-year-olds who never ran out of energy. “Sorry, buddy,” he passed his coffee to Christopher, who looked like he needed it more.

“I don’t mind,” Christopher smiled, because of course he didn’t – Christopher had been the one who’d begged Buck and Eddie for siblings, all those years ago now, and he’d taken to the role of big brother easily. Eddie didn’t want to think about how upset Olivia and Violet would be when Christopher went off to university in the fall – they were obsessed with their big brother.

“Beautiful morning,” Eddie hummed, glancing at his son. Christopher looked pensive – as though he wanted to ask Eddie something, but wasn’t sure where to start. Navigating those complicated conversations that came with having a teenager had been a hard adjustment for them all, but Eddie liked to think they’d gotten pretty good at it, over the years. “You okay?”

Christopher nodded. “Pops turns forty, next month,” he commented, as though Eddie had forgotten the milestone birthday that was coming for his husband. Buck had an existential crisis about it once a week, as though Eddie himself wasn’t already forty-three (it made the “I’m getting old” comments from Eddie’s whiny husband feel all the more personal, frankly.)

“He does,” Eddie agreed.

“I had an idea, for a present,” Christopher admitted. “I know – I know, when you guys got married, and when the twins were born, you said it was my decision if I ever wanted to make my name Buckley-Diaz, or just keep it as Diaz.”

Eddie nodded. It was a conversation he and Buck had gone in circles about, just before they got married, and they’d agreed the most sensible thing to do was to leave Christopher’s name as it was, and then he could decide for himself, when he was old enough. Grief was a complicated enough thing to navigate as an adult, and Eddie – and Buck – hadn’t wanted Christopher to ever feel as though they were erasing Shannon from his life by changing his name for him. Eddie had even explained that Christopher could double-barrel his name with Shannon’s maiden name, if he wanted to.

“I’ve thought about it a lot,” Christopher explained, passing the coffee back to Eddie. “And I wanted to talk to you about it first, but I’d like to change my name to Buckley-Diaz, too.”

Eddie tried to swallow the smile that was clawing at his throat. As much as he’d wanted it to be a decision Christopher made – or didn’t make – for himself, a part of him had always sort of wanted Christopher’s name to match his own, to match Buck’s. They’d built a good family for themselves, over the years, and Eddie was proud of the unit they were – sue him.

“You don’t have to,” Eddie pointed out. “I don’t mind, and Buck has never cared either.”

“I know,” Christopher shifted in his seat, more grown up than Eddie knew what to do with. He’d started to look a little more like Shannon, as he grew up, and it was comforting, in a way, to know a piece of Shannon Diaz still walked around – but his eyes were all Eddie, a mirror image of Eddie’s own. “But I want to, dad.”

Eddie nodded. “Okay,” he agreed. “As long as you want to.”

“I do,” Christopher reassured. “And I know exactly how I want to tell Buck.”

And that –

That was how Eddie spent the month leading up to his husband’s fortieth birthday helping Christopher find all the documents he needed to go to city hall, and submit a name change by deed poll, and get his son’s social security card and school records updated.

(“This is so annoying,” Christopher huffed as Eddie shuffled through a half dozen plastic folders, trying to find the one with the documents the bank needed to change the name on Christopher’s account. “Did you have to do all of this when you changed your name?”

Eddie nodded. “And more,” he sighed, remembering what a nightmare it had been to legally change his own name. “I’m just glad you don’t have a passport we need to replace – that was horrible,” he sighed.

“I do need to get a new passport,” Christopher reminded. “If you want to actually go on that summer holiday to Europe you and Buck are very badly hiding from me.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “I can get your ticket refunded, if you want to keep being cheeky,” he joked, because what else could he do when Christopher had apparently figured out the big surprise he and Buck had been saving for months to take Christopher on a big graduation trip that summer. “Come on, let’s get the bank over and done with.)

All of that led them to here and now – the afternoon of Buck’s fortieth birthday. Eddie was proud, he’d managed to pull off a surprise party without Buck figuring it out. It looked a little different to the party Eddie had thrown for Buck’s thirtieth – the house was more full of kids than ever, now, alcohol stashed in the back of the fridge for later, their kitchen table creaking with sandwiches and sweet treats instead. Buck didn’t seem to mind, though, holding the girls in one arm (which was just getting more and more impressive the older they got), eating a Cocomelon themed cookie with the other.

“I think now is good,” Christopher whispered, his eyes wide. “Right?” he sounded unsure.

“I think now is perfect,” Eddie gave Christopher’s shoulder an encouraging squeeze. Christopher seemed nervous – and he hadn’t been nervous at all, before, cool and collected throughout the whole bureaucratic nightmare that was changing his name. Realising he needed to detangle the girls from Buck’s grip, if Chris was to be able to do this properly, Eddie crossed the room in a few short steps. “How are my girls?” he asked, and it was easy from there, the girls scrambling to have Eddie pick them up, one on each hip.

“Abandoned,” Buck grinned, planting a biscuit-y kiss on Eddie’s lips. “On my own birthday. Can you believe it?”

“You’re about to get another present,” Eddie said, by way of explanation, nodding for Buck to sit down in the armchair in the corner of their living room. Maddie was the only person he and Christopher had told about their plan, and Eddie couldn’t help but flash his sister-in-law a smile as she subtly started recording. If Eddie knew anything about his husband, he knew that Buck would probably not remember a single second of this later and would be grateful for the recording.

“You didn’t need to get me anything, Christopher,” Buck’s tone was affectionate as he accepted the neatly wrapped box Eddie had helped Christopher put together. From here, Eddie was as clueless as Buck – Christopher had refused to tell Eddie anything about the speech he had planned. Christopher was good with words, though – so Eddie knew whatever he was going to say was going to be pretty special.

Holding the girls a little tighter, Eddie smiled, as Christopher spoke.

“Before you open it,” Christopher began, Buck pausing in his unwrapping of the box. “I wanted to – I wanted to say how much I love you, Buck. You have – you’ve been my best friend, for a really long time, and you’ve been my dad, for just as long. I’m really glad that we met you – because you make my dad happy, and you make me really happy too.”

Buck’s eyes were already watery. “Thanks, buddy,” he smiled, turning his attention back to the box. Eddie knew exactly what was written on the paper Buck was carefully unwrapping – a brand new birth certificate, declaring Christopher to be Christopher Buckley-Diaz. “What – what is this?” the wobble to Buck’s voice a dead giveaway that Buck was about to cry. Eddie knew him well enough to know that.

Christopher’s smile was equally as watery. “Happy birthday, dad.”

“Christopher Diaz!” Buck managed to hiccup out. “You’re really going to give me a heart attack, one of these days.”

“It’s Christopher Buckley-Diaz,” Christopher corrected with a grin. “You’ve just – you’ve done so much for me, over the years, Buck, and I’m really glad that you’re my dad – as well as dad,” he directed at Eddie, Eddie giving his son an encouraging grin. “I don’t really remember a life where you weren’t around,” he explained. “You’ve always been there to help me with my homework, and take me to the zoo, and be a dad, even before you were my dad. You and dad, you said it was my choice, if I ever wanted to change my name – and if you’re okay with it, Buck, I’d really like to be a Buckley-Diaz too.”

“If I’m okay with it – Christopher, this is the single greatest present anyone has ever gotten me,” Buck declared, wiping roughly at the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. “I love you so much, kid,” he shook his head, scooping Christopher into a bone-crushing hug. “You are forever the kid who made me a dad,” he said quietly, quiet enough that Eddie was probably the only one who heard it. “And I’m so proud of you.”

Eddie could see that Christopher was clinging a little tighter, to Buck now. “I love you, Bucky,” he replied, the childhood nickname only serving to set Buck off again, his husband near hysterical as he pulled back from Christopher to inspect the paper again.

“Christopher Buckley-Diaz,” Buck said, sounding awe-struck. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.”

(He didn’t –

Buck sobbed like a baby when Christopher Buckley-Diaz was called out at Christopher’s high school graduation, and he cried when Christopher’s new passport came through, and when Christopher’s college application was approved, and they got word that Christopher Buckley-Diaz was off to Stanford University.

Eddie couldn’t blame him. He’d had a lot of years to cry about the fact that Christopher Diaz was his son – it was only fair Buck got to do the same.)

[honeytae]

I didn’t know you had a thing for bandanas.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIV! omg how do i even start...you’re not only one of my favorite people on this site but literally one of my favorite souls on this earth. you radiate warmth, wit, and yes...thottery :) so of course i had to write some grammys tae smut for you, right? of course i did. i love you so much, i hope you have a fabulous day and i’m sending you so so many hugs! happiest of birthdays to you @taetaespeaches, my sister wife, my twin flame, the best honey boy min enthusiast, my favorite wholesome thot! i love you i love you i love you <3

genre: smut (ofc)

warnings: GRAMMYS TAEHYUNG, suggestive texting mentions, tae’s a Tease™️, heavy petting and groping, grinding/dry humping, fingering, brief nipple play, there’s a handjob or two, unprotected sex (stay safe!), mild dirty talk and profanity, this is pretty much just filth i do apologize

word count: 2.7k

“Oh my god.” 

Huffing, you tossed your phone back onto the counter, staring back at your reflection in the mirror above the sink, lips parted in disbelief. You could not believe Taehyung, truly. He could be a tease, of course, but tonight he was on another level. 

The number of photos, that could only be described as none other than thirst traps, you’d been sent throughout the night was dizzying.

Spanning from the time he was getting ready for the Grammy’s red carpet to when he was backstage in that goddamn bandana for the Old Town Road performance, you’d already stashed them in a hidden folder, pulling them back up on your screen whenever your brain drifted to them again. Which, admittedly, had been a lot over the past few hours. 

Despite traveling overseas for the award ceremony together, you could not attend the show with him for obvious reasons. Truly, you didn’t mind. You weren’t about the glitz and glamour anyway; but fuck, he really wasn’t making it easy on you. 

In addition to the multiple professionally taken shots of your boyfriend at the show beginning to circulate, your texting conversation with him consisted of only attachment after attachment at this point, eyes practically bulging out of your head with each scroll of your thumb and hooking you in for more in his absence from your hotel room.

And that had been your only activity for the night until you decided to part from the television and get ready for bed. 

Groaning when your phone began buzzing repeatedly on the marble, you set the washcloth you’d been running over your face atop the surface, peeking at the screen and rolling your eyes when you saw your boyfriend’s name across the top of it.

Swiping your thumb across the flashing display, you lifted the phone to your ear, leaning your stomach against the counter as you mumbled a greeting. 

“Hey, why didn’t you respond?” He asked immediately, making you chuckle at his bluntness. 

“I’m still processing the information you’ve provided me with, Tae.” You responded, hearing the man’s deep chuckle reverberate through the device. 

“What information is that, love?” 

You could hear the amused teasing in his voice, smug grin prominent on his face as he awaited your reply. 

“The endless shirtless selfies, Taehyung. That is the information I’m referencing.” You said, thinking back on the several attachments you’d gotten notifications for over the course of the night, each time Taehyung was changing his outfit followed by a photo of him nearly naked in the mirror backstage.

“I thought they were tasteful.” He teased, giggling when you groaned on the other side of the call. 

“Biting your lip while gripping your bulge? Oh yeah, I’m sure Army’s would agree. Very tasteful.” You teased back, the man humming deeply.

“I don’t share those things with Army though, because those are for you only.” He smirked, you mirroring his hummed reply with a slight smile.

“When are you coming back?” You asked, tapping your fingernails against the surface beside the basin of the sink.

“We need to do one more interview, then we can leave.” He answered, a member of the staff speaking in the background followed by Hoseok’s laugh ringing out through the room.

You sighed in response, quiet enough that you thought he wouldn’t hear it. That thought was proven wrong almost immediately as he chuckled, the phone shuffling in his grip as the voices in the background turned to muffled noise. 

“What’s wrong, hm? Miss me?” He lowered his voice to presumably not be heard by others, his husky tone causing you to swallow a harsh gulp, thankful you weren’t video calling so you could play along with his little game.

“Mm, not particularly. I just wanted to play GTA with Kook.” You teased, smirking at Taehyung’s scoff, hairs raising on your arms as he chuckled into the phone and through your speaker.

“Alright. Well, you can expect Kook soon.” He said, tone smug as he heard the breath hitch in your throat. 

“Love you.” He murmured into the phone before abruptly hanging up, leaving you clutching your phone with a racing heart as you anticipated your boyfriends’ arrival. 

Trying to fight the now strengthened desire for your man, you blocked out the images from tonight along with the tone of his deep honeyed voice through the phone the best you could, reaching for your soap pump with a sigh. 

“Unbelievably rude.”

The silence of your room was awfully loud as you drew out the remaining steps of your skincare routine, hoping that if you took long enough then there would be less empty waiting time for your boyfriend. Your incredibly attractive boyfriend who you could not wait to get your hands on.

Your eyes continually darted to the timestamp on your lock screen, sighing each time as only a few minutes had passed since the last time you checked. 

If Taehyung could see how desperate you were acting right now, he’d surely have that god damn smirk on his face, one that would probably have your jeans unbutton themselves beyond your own control. 

Heaving another sigh, you distractedly stretched your neck from side to side, scrunching your face up in a grimace at the resulting snaps.

The closing of your eyes combined with the loud rush of water from the faucet seemed to drown out the sounds you’d eagerly been waiting for, nearly jumping out of your skin at the sudden addition of Taehyung next to you through the reflection of the mirror above the sink. 

His hair was still styled over that black and white patterned bandana, matching with the shirt that exposed just a touch of his bicep and a whole lot of his chest. 

Despite the immediate salivating of your tongue, you kept your shocked expression on your face, breathing out his name as you leaned a hand on the counter beside you. 

“Fuck, you scared me.” You placed your other hand over your heart, Taehyung grinning before reaching his arm out to pull you into his chest, pressing a kiss to each cheek before leaning back to smile at you.

“Sorry, love. Ended up leaving a little earlier.” He explained, smirking as your eyes glued to the bandana still tucked under the hair over his forehead. 

“Hm, I don’t mind.” You said, blowing a breath past your lips at the man’s appearance. 

“What?” Taehyung asked in reference to the action, his eyes blinking back at you as your hand traced over his long hair curled to perfection. 

“You look really fucking good right now. Not that I need to tell you that.” You mumbled distractedly, fixing the strip of fabric laying over the top of his forehead, Taehyung teasingly raising his eyebrows at you with a swipe of his tongue over his bottom lip.

“No, please do.” He said smugly, causing you to snap out of your lust-struck daze as you tapped at his shoulder with a snort.

“What an ass.” 

“That’s what I’m saying.” He responded, smoothly trailing his fingers down a bit lower to rest on your butt and gently grope the globes, pulling you flush to his chest as his darkened eyes held contact with yours. 

“Can you ever get your head out of the gutter?” You tried to say, gasps escaping every few words as he began pushing your hips into his, effectively grinding his erection into you.

“Hm,” he pretended to ponder for a moment, “with you, no.” He said, placing his hand on your jaw to pull you into a long-awaited kiss, soft yet sensual in the way he smoothed his lips over yours. 

Your breath caught in your throat as Taehyung’s hand slipped beneath the hem of your underwear, letting his thumb glide over your clit as his tongue invaded your mouth. 

The action was needy, as was the manner his fingers gathered the slick leaking between your folds to push up to fill your hole. Taehyung swallowed your moans as his fingers played in your pussy, his deep chuckles vibrating against you while his fingers dutifully pumped into your entrance. 

“Like that, baby?” He mumbled against your bottom lip, your mouth hanging open as you whined incoherently in response. He groaned at the spasming of your walls around his appendages, leaning his forehead against yours as he backed you up against the counter to stabilize your increasingly wobbly legs.

“God, you drive me crazy.” He grunted, rutting his hips into your thigh as you moaned his name once again. 

Squealing as he suddenly withdrew his hands from your underwear and lifted you up on the counter by your hips, you watched with raised brows as the man ripped your pajama bottoms and panties down your legs, easily tossing them onto the tile floor and leaving your lower half bare on the cold marble counter beside the sink. 

“Eager, are we?” You murmured, Taehyung smirking as he shuffled out of his pants, his boxers soon to follow as you took the liberty of removing his t-shirt from your torso. 

“And you aren’t?” He posed, taking the shirt from your hands and tossing it somewhere below him in the mess of clothes piling up beside his feet. Tugging you by the thighs, he smiled as you helped him by scooting to the edge of the counter, wrapping your arms around his neck as his own hands landed on your lower back.

“I didn’t say that.” You said, fingers tousling the fluffy hair at the crown of his head as he hummed, playing around with the clasp of your bra until it released with a small sound, the cups immediately releasing your breasts as he pulled the straps down your arms. 

“I consider it a good thing that we can’t keep our hands off each other.” He shrugged, gently prying your arms from around his neck to successfully remove the bra dangling from your wrists, pressing kisses to the pulse points of your wrists before laying them down in your lap as his hands instead landed on your breasts. 

You sighed as his thumbs easily circled your nipples, his eyes glued to your chest as he watched the buds twist into peaks with a small grin. 

“So pretty.” He whispered, making you blush as you distractedly reached for his dress shirt, snapping the buttons out of the holes in a haste to see his bare chest. The task proved to be difficult with Taehyung’s increasing pressure on your nipples, a knowing smirk on the man’s face as your pleading eyes desperately darted to his own. 

“Tae, this shirt is really testing my patience.” You sighed, the man chuckling as he reluctantly removed his hands from your chest to assist you in unbuttoning the shirt that had nearly killed you while watching him perform a couple of hours ago. 

As soon as he undid the fifth or sixth button down, your hands were on the revealed skin, feeling him like a madwoman as he lovingly chuckled at your actions. Tossing the loose material to the floor, he finally stood before you completely naked, placing a hand on the back of your head to guide you to his lips in yet another heated kiss.

Taehyung hummed deep in his throat as you reached down to pump his fully erect cock in your hand, taking the hint as you lined him up at your entrance with a push of your other hand on his shoulder. 

“Love you so much.” He mumbled, his eyes fluttering shut as he pushed his hips forward to sink into you, each inch providing you with a delicious burn as you let your head rest on his shoulder, his lips pressing a tender kiss to the side of your head as he finally fit himself snugly inside of you.

Starting off slow, he only slightly moved his cock back before pushing it in again, causing you to mewl as he started teasingly circling his hips inside of you. The grinding was nice, sure, but it gave you no real relief. Which he was perfectly aware of.

“Fuck me harder, Tae.” You whimpered out as he continued sensually grinding into you, taking your bottom lip into your mouth as he stopped his actions completely.

“Hm? What was that, love?” He cockily raised his brows at you, grinning at the look of pure frustration on your face.

“Fuck me harder. Taehyung.” You practically spat out, the man tutting at your tone.

“Where are your manners, love?” 

“Tae,” you whined, “please just fuck me.” You begged, Taehyung simpering as he picked up your calves, resting your legs in the crooks of his elbows to push your knees to your chest and effectively spread you wider for him. 

Picking up the pace of his thrusts, he groaned at the feeling of your walls squeezing around his cock, praising you with a moan of your name as he tilted his head up toward the ceiling. 

With you leaning forward to kiss his jaw, Taehyung broke eye contact with the vent in the ceiling, instead focusing on you as he continued rolling his hips into yours. His eyes held yours with intense force, only faltering with a flutter of his eyelids when your walls began spasming around him.

“Shit, I love your pussy, baby.” He breathed, placing his lips back on yours when you responded with a wanton moan, placing his hands on your hips to glide you along his length in addition to the force he pounded into you with.

You whimpered at the sudden speed in which his hips slapped into yours along with the depths he managed to hit with the angle, clutching onto his shoulders in an attempt to ground yourself as he groaned your name.

“Fuck, oh my god.” You cried as he sped up the pace of his hips, gradually working himself up into an almost inhumane speed as he quite literally attempted to split you open with his cock. His grunts punctuated each thrust, hot breaths fanning out onto your neck as he buried his face in your skin.  

“T-tae.” You stuttered as the tip of his cock repeatedly tapped at your cervix, Taehyung responding with a deep moan as he glanced down between your bodies, eyes glued to where you met over and over again as your walls tightened the hardest they had yet around him.

“Cum, baby.” He panted, lifting his eyes to watch your own squeeze shut with a gasp, the man himself falling over the edge at the sight. Nothing could ever get him off like watching you orgasm.

As he hastily pulled out of you, you whined at the sudden emptiness in your core, leaning your head back against the mirror in exhaustion as your droopy eyes watched him jerk his cock using your slick, only a few moments passing before translucent white liquid shot out from his tip and onto your stomach. 

Sitting up from the mirror, you fell into Taehyung’s arms, the man chuckling a bit as he rubbed his palm over your spine. 

“I love you.” He murmured, breaths finally evening out as he held you in his arms, your own loosely wrapped around his waist with your fingers caressing the skin of his hip.

“I love you too,” you leaned back to look at him, forehead pressing to his as you gave him a lazy smile, “and I’m so proud of you. You were amazing tonight.” You said, swiping his long bangs out of his eyes as he shyly grinned at you, his flustered reaction at your words causing you to giggle fondly. 

“I couldn’t have done any of it without you.” He admitted, misty eyes making you cup his cheeks as you pressed your lips to the plush skin on either side of his nose. 

“Of course you could have. You’re amazing Tae, don’t underestimate that.” You soothed, the man’s lips quirking up slightly as he tipped his chin to place his lips on yours. 

“Okay.” He whispered against your bottom lip, chuckling breathily when you began pressing feather-light kisses to his lips, exaggerating them with loud “muah”s making Taehyung’s eyes shut as he laughed. 

“You good?” You asked, his irises sparkling back at you as he nodded in confirmation.

“I’m great.” He said, reaching up to push his hair back off his forehead, the copious amounts of gel his stylists had put in his hair throughout the night defying the action and making it fall back onto the skin anyway.

“Good. Now clean your cum off my stomach, I wanna go to bed.”

[plaidbooks]

Hi, I have a request! From the prompt list, “I lost our baby.” Rafael Barba x Reader

A Family

A/N: Oof, that’s a sad request! I couldn’t do the full sad; it’s...too real to me, but I hope you still enjoy. Obviously, this is gonna be angst, but with a happy ending. This jumps around a bit in the beginning before settling in--just some background on how you and Rafael met and stuff. Thanks for the request, @infiniteoddball !

Tags: allusions to smut (gotta make a baby somehow), mentions of child abuse, mentions of rape/murder, some derogatory language, pregnancy scares

Words: 2257

Taglist: @the-baby-bookworm @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy @averyhotchner @mrsrafaelbarba @dianilaws

Rafael Barba couldn’t believe that he could ever be so happy in his life. When he dated in high school, he often fantasized about the normal, picturesque life laid out before him—good job, own a house, married, have a couple kids. Then in college, he started doubting himself more and more about the children part, and after Yelina, he started doubting the married part as well. One drunken night with Olivia, she had asked him, “ever thought about having children?” It wasn’t a secret that she wanted to be a mother; that’s how this conversation started. He had shaken his head, brushed it off, but she had pushed him. “Really? Just not your thing?”

He could’ve lied and said yes, let it die right then. But he couldn’t lie to Liv; she’d see right through him anyways. Besides, he still felt pangs of jealousy when he’d go for a stroll in the park, watch dads playing catch with their kids, or teaching them to ride a bike.

“Cause I don’t want to be my father,” he had said before finishing his drink and leaving Forlini’s, jaw still clenched. Olivia, thankfully, had dropped it after that.

It was months later that Rafael had met you. You were a journalist; you had met while Rafael was working a highly controversial case. And while he normally hated the press, refusing to talk to them, he had agreed to an interview with you…mostly because you had assured him you were on his side. He was incredibly thankful he had accepted, because you had both started dating a week later, and you never looked back.

A few months after that interview, Rafael asked you to move in with him, and a year after that, he had proposed. Everything was perfect, except for one thing; you wanted children. Rafael was still hesitant, afraid to continue the cycle of abuse that’s been passed down through generations on his paternal side. But after a very, very long talk, you had him convinced that he was nothing like his father, and that you would make sure he wouldn’t become like him. Besides, after becoming so close with Rafael, you had also grown close to Olivia, and you assured him that the Sergeant would kick his ass if he ever did anything to hurt you or your kids. So, after your wedding, you both spent the honeymoon trying to get pregnant. It was almost shocking how you didn’t end up pregnant with how little you left the bedroom. But now, after an amazing birthday celebration, you held the positive test in your hands, smiling at your husband.

“I’m going to be a father?” Rafael muttered, his voice hopeful, happy. You could see the slightest bit of concern in his green eyes, and you leaned up, kissing him gently.

“You’re going to be an amazing father,” you whispered against his lips. He grinned against you, pulling you into a tight embrace, one hand going to rest on your stomach.

Rafael felt bad with how much he worked; he wanted to be home, doting on you, especially as the months went by and you started showing more and more. You were embarrassed at first as your belly swelled up, but Rafael’s eyes just sparkled as he thought about the life growing within you; the life you created together. He would take half-days, sometimes full days off, and he was never too tired after a day at work, always caring and attentive to you when he came home. But he still didn’t feel like it was enough.

 ********************

It was midday, and court had just concluded, with Justin Fitzgerald being sentenced to life in prison for the vicious rapes and murders of five women. He was still screaming profanities at Rafael, promising to kill the counselor, as he scooped all his paperwork into his briefcase. He ignored the man that was dragged away, headed to processing, and then on to Rikers.

“Good work, Barba,” Olivia said, patting his shoulder.

He gave her a curt nod, a small smile on his lips. “Jury made the right call. But I’ll confess that I’ll sleep better knowing someone like Fitzgerald is behind bars. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I would like to try and get out of here early tonight; my wife is due to give birth any moment, and I want to be with her as much as possible.”

Olivia gave him a bright smile; she was the happiest for you and Rafael, besides the two of you yourselves. She had already helped you pick out a bunch of clothes—you were projected to have a little girl—and necessities. Rafael matched her smile, his heart fluttering at the thought of holding his baby for the first time, before he moved to leave the courtroom, heading towards his office in One Hogan Place.

 *****************

He was just packing up when his phone rang, Olivia’s number flashing at him. Brow furrowed, Rafael answered, “Liv? Everything—”

“Fitzgerald escaped during the transfer to Rikers. I’m sending Fin and Amaro to your office; lock your door and wait there until they show up,” Olivia said in a rush.

Rafael’s heart plummeted. He hurried to his door, telling Carmen to leave, then closing and locking his door. “Liv, [Y/N]…I need—”

“I’ll send Rollins and Carisi. They’ll escort her to the precinct; we’ll get her, Raf.”

He nodded into his phone, swallowing past the lump in his throat. He hung up, finding your number, and calling you.

 *****************

“Okay, Rafi, don’t worry, baby. I’m sure Rollins and Carisi will be here soon. I’ll call you when I make it to the precinct, okay? Just take some deep breaths, love,” you were saying into the phone. Your own heart was beating faster, but you had to remain calm, for Rafael’s sake as much for your baby. There was a sharp knock at the door. “That must be them; I’ll call in a bit.” You hung up before you heard Rafael scream into the phone, wondering how the detectives had gotten there so fast.

You heaved yourself off the couch, waddling to the door, your hand on your lower back. There was no peephole in the door, but you left the chain on—something Olivia taught you—as you opened the door to make sure it was Rollins and Carisi. But the face staring back at you was foreign, deranged, a wicked grin on his face, a glint in his eye. You barely had time to move out of the way before he kicked the door open, the chain snapping easily.

“Where’s that shit-stain, Barba?” he growled at you.

“I-who? You must have the wrong building,” you replied, backing away from the man. It was then that you noticed he had a gun in his hand. Deep breaths you told yourself, trying to stay calm. But your body started trembling, and you felt tears in your eyes.

The man towered over you. “Nah; see that’s the problem with being a public figure nowadays. No privacy anymore.” The man looked you up and down, sneering. “You the whore he knocked up, then?”

You shook your head. “I-I don’t know who you’re talking about…please, just leave,” you begged, your watery voice barely audible.

The man just smiled that wicked smile as he moved closer to you. You tried to back away, but he was much quicker, wrapping an arm around your throat from behind. “Come on, baby. We’re going for a ride,” he muttered in your ear, making you shudder. You could do nothing but try and keep up with his pace as he led you out the front door, down the hallway and to the elevator, his gun to your head the whole way. Your legs were shaking by the time you made it to the front door of the building, the man forcing you down the steps.

“Freeze, Fitzgerald!” a female voice called. He turned towards the voice, and you were face to face with Detective Rollins, her gun aimed at his face. She glanced at you, making sure you were unharmed before her attention went back to the man; Fitzgerald, apparently.

“You try anything, and Barba’s whore is dead,” he sneered at her.

That’s when you felt it; a small pop inside you, and then a rush of liquid on your thighs. “I…I think my water just broke,” you muttered, your eyes filling with tears. This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen, and you were starting to panic. Rollins looked more distressed, and Fitzgerald knew he was going to win this standoff.

Everyone you had talked to had warned you that after your water broke, the contractions would start off small, like mild period cramps, before ramping up. Which is why you knew something had to be wrong. You screamed in pain as a contraction hit, your knees buckling. You slumped in Fitzgerald’s grip as your body went limp with pain, and he had to struggle to hold you. Which is when Carisi, who had been slowly sneaking up behind you both, grabbed Fitzgerald’s gun, wrestling it from his hands. He dropped you as he fought the male detective, and Rollins was on you, taking your hand in hers as the pain subsided.

“I got him,” Carisi panted, cuffing Fitzgerald.

Rollins glanced at him, nodding. “Okay. Call a bus, we need to get—”

She was cut off by another scream from you, pain rocketing through your body. Tears were streaming down your face, and you were sure you were going to break her hand with how hard you were clutching her, Rafael’s name escaping your lips.

When you stopped screaming, Rollins said, “fuck the bus, I’m taking her to the hospital. Call for a lift to Rikers.” And with the strength of Superwoman—or a cop with high adrenaline—Rollins dragged you to your feet, whispering encouragement into your ears the whole walk to her squad car.

“Something’s wrong…I lost our baby…I’m sorry Raf…” you whimpered, openly weeping.

Rollins rubbed your back soothingly. “It’s gonna be fine; once you’re in the hospital, you’re gonna get help, and you’ll see. It’s gonna be okay,” she just kept repeating this over and over again. You had barely sat down in the passenger seat when you screamed again.

 ***********************

“Go faster!” Rafael ordered through gritted teeth from the backseat of Fin’s squad car.

“We already have the streets cleared and sirens on; this is the fastest we can go,” Amaro explained from the passenger seat.

When Carisi had called Rafael, telling him his wife was in labor, not even the two detectives ordered to protect him could keep him in his office. Carisi tried to explain what had happened, but Rafael had stopped listening after hearing the words “Fitzgerald broke in” and “in labor”. His heart was in his throat, and his grip on the back of the passenger seat would tear a lesser fabric.

“Bullshit; go faster,” Rafael barked back. They were a block away, the hospital looming in the distance, and it took everything in Rafael to sit still as they approached. Fin had barely stopped the car in front of the sliding doors before Rafael rocketed out of backseat, sprinting to the front desk. He asked for your room, but in his rush, he was speaking too quickly, and the nurses telling him to calm down was only making him more nervous.

“Barba, over here!” Carisi called, waving to the counsellor. Rafael took off after the detective, narrowly avoiding nurses and doctors. The taller man led him to the elevator, hitting floor 4, and then the longest elevator ride in Rafael’s life took place. “Fitzgerald is safely in Rikers now,” Carisi said, as if that mattered at all. Rafael gave him a pointed glare, and Carisi took the hint.

The doors dinged, and Rafael launched out before he realized he didn’t know which way to go. Looking back at Carisi, the detective waved him along, leading him to a quiet room, Rollins sitting in a chair outside. Now that he was here, Rafael came to a top outside the door, terrified, hesitating to go inside, afraid of what he’d find. But Rollins stood, giving him a soft smile, a nod. Taking a deep breath, Rafael entered.

You were laying in the hospital bed, propped up with pillows, a small bundle in your arms. You glanced up at Rafael as he came over to you, tears in your eyes and the brightest smile on your face.

“Rafi, there’s someone you should meet,” you murmured, slowly holding the bundle out to him.

Rafael’s heart skipped a beat as he saw his daughter’s face, the small patch of black hair on her head. He carefully scooped her into his arms, bouncing his knees as if it were natural. “Thank God, she looks just like you,” he said softly, voice full of awe.

You chuckled, shaking your head. “I think she looks more like you. When her eyes were open for a moment, they had your green.”

Rafael smiled at you, before his eyes went back to the bundle of joy in his arms; his daughter. “She’s perfect.”

“Yes, she is,” you agreed. “I was so scared today…I thought I might have lost—”

“Don’t,” Rafael said, cutting you off. “All that matters is that she’s happy and healthy, and that you’re safe.” He leaned down, kissing your forehead softly. “We’re a family; that’s all I care about.” Rafael Barba couldn’t believe that he could ever be so happy in his life.

[softyhyunjin]

ldr ⊵ bang chan

Description: Distance definitely makes the heart grow fonder.

இ genre: friends to lovers, ldr, college au, angst?, def fluff             

இ pairing: chan x reader                                                                              

இ word count: 12.5k

warnings?: there’s alc, and a pretty mf hot chan

a/n: @changbeanie it’s been a while ´･ᴗ･` wow, just wow 

↫ i ↬

“Chan, I need to spill the tea!”

He came to a halt, setting aside his unopened One Piece mystery figures. When he looked into the camera lens, his brows knit together in a little frown. 

“No Y/N, you can’t spill the tea! The tea is hot, and if you spill it, you are gonna get burned,” Chan playfully scolded you and laughed shortly after. 

“I’m serious Chan,” you whined, covering your face to hide your warm cheeks. Chan laughed even more. You didn’t know whether he was laughing at you or his joke. Maybe it was both. 

He calmed down and leaned back into his gaming chair. Sighing in content, he looked at you from his monitor, smiling softly. “Go ahead, tell me,” Chan said. 

“Can I really?” You removed your hands from your face and rolled your eyes. 

“Yes, now go!” He chuckled. 

“I caught Changbin on a date with someone!” 

Chan faked a gasp, “Ahhh, no way.”

“Oh, so you knew?”

“Yes, but I’d like you to finish spilling the tea.”

“That’s all I wanted to spill,” you scoffed. Of course, Chan would know about Changbin’s love life, he was close to all his friends after all. Now, your reasoning for calling him went down the drain. Useless. 

Chan shrugged, “He already told me his plan to confess to his crush a while back, so I’m not surprised. Ruby, I think that’s her name? Yeah.” 

“Okay, goodnight then. I’ll call you later this week if I can,” you sighed in defeat, swiping your mouse pad to hang up. 

“Wait, wait, wait. Y/N, you didn’t even let me finish opening the package you sent me. Don’t you want to see who I got?” His eyes lit up at his unopened One Piece figures. 

“Not really, it cost me a fortune to ship it out to you,” you spun around in your chair, faking disinterest to the birthday boy, but in reality, you wanted to stretch the call as long as you could. You really missed him. 

Chan had been studying abroad in Berlin for two months. You remember him speaking to you about it and listing his options in order: Berlin, Dublin, and Paris. When you asked why he placed Berlin as his first choice, he said its nightlife attracted him the most, which isn’t surprising, considering the night owl he is. And bonus, it was cheaper than his other options. 

“Should I call Woojin to watch me unbox instead, then?” He cocked his brow. 

“Do you really want him to watch you unbox it?” You pouted.

“Noo, I want you to watch me. But… I guess you don’t wanna,” Bang Chan shrugged.

“Ugh, you already know I do.”

“Then why didn’t you say so in the first place?” He teased further, enjoying his ability to easily earn a reaction from you. 

“Are you coming back to Sydney for Thanksgiving?” You responded with a question. 

“No, it would be pointless because I have to immediately fly back to Berlin for finals. Maybe I should stay here until the 22nd of December. Besides, I’m gonna miss it here. Oh-“ He excitedly tore off the wrap of his gift, “Tony Tony Chopper. I had a feeling I would get him,” he laughed. 

“Oh,” you said in a small voice but quickly hid your disappointment and smiled. “I was hoping you’d get him.”

Inside, you were pretty bummed out. Not seeing Chan for over a month was torture. Whatever you wanted to try would have to wait until he got back: the new restaurant by the mall, going on a fishing trip, and using the remaining benefits of your favorite amusement park’s season pass. Most importantly, you chose to wait for him to come home so that the two of you could binge-watch the latest season of Stranger Things. 

Chan had already caught the disappointment in your voice and put down the Tony Tony Chopper figure. Propping his elbow onto the desk, he used his palm to cup his chin, leaning into the monitor. Although he was ten thousand miles away, the gesture made him feel closer to you and Sydney. “You know that’s not what I meant. I miss home, my mum’s cooking, hanging with the guys, and cuddling with Berry. I get homesick at times, but I love it here.”

“I know, I’m just bored without you. I want to go bar hopping in Sydney again,” you groaned, feeling bad for making Chan explain himself when he didn’t even need to. 

“Tch, you just want to see the guys drunk call their girlfriends again.”

“Not even! I only want to see Hyunjin drunk call his girlfriend, it’s so cute when he whines to her about wanting to be the little spoon. He gets so embarrassed whenever Jisung and I show him the recordings,” you cackled like a witch. 

Chan shook his head in disapproval, chuckling at your words, “Y/N, You’re so evil. Just wait until you’re the one to drunk call somebody.”

“Who knows? Maybe I’ll have somebody by the time you come back,” you shrugged. 

“Oooh, well, do you?” 

“We’ll just have to wait until the next time we go bar hopping.”

“Then, you’re gonna have to wait for another two months,” he sang through the screen, his hand reaching for the mouse to select a song on one of his Spotify playlists. 

SLANDER & Said the Sky - Potions (ft. JT Roach)

“It’s going to be a long wait,” you sighed, drumming your fingers against your desk. 

“Every time you said a word, I was starin' at your lips. I don't think I've ever been so close to a love like this,” he sang along before taking a pause to say, “I’ll be home before you know it.”

Shooting him with a finger gun, you suggested, “Ahah! Are drinks gonna be on you?” 

“Shouldn’t you be buying? I’m the one coming home.”

You scowled. “Ask the boys because you miss them.”

“Don’t worry, I miss you too,” Chan easily confessed, bobbing his head to the drop of the bass. 

↫ ii ↬

“Gobble gobble gobble!” 

“Shut up, we don’t even have a turkey,” Minho said, slapping Jisung’s ass when he took up the entire couch. 

Jisung scooted enough for Minho to sit and used his lap as a pillow, “Hey, I told everyone to pitch in for our lovely Friendsgiving, but nooo! So, it ain’t my problem.”

“We pitched in for beef, that’s even better,” Hyunjin said, jumping back when the meat hit the electric grill, abruptly sizzling and splattering oil onto his hand. 

“Gimme that, you’re going to end up burning the meat and your hand,” Jeongin took the metal tongs from Hyunjin, increasing the temperature of the grill and adding more slices of brisket. 

“Haha, who are you trying to impress? Y/N?” Woojin joked.

Seungmin killed Woojin’s joke in an instant, “No, he’s trying to practice for his crush. They went out the other day and she cooked for him the whole time.”

Changbin stole the first slice of meat from the serving tray, saying with a mouthful, “Big fat rip, dude.”

 “Hello?” Felix said after picking up an incoming call from his phone. He rolled his eyes at the person speaking on the other line, “Liv, I told you to always have your wallet on you. No, I am not going to drive over to drop it off. Just stop by the house on your way to the movies.”

“Your sister left her wallet at home again?” Jisung asked. 

Felix shrugged, “Yeah, she always does that. I’m not gonna drop it off to her this time. Whatever, she said she’ll be here in ten.” 

You wedged yourself between Felix and Seungmin on the couch, making yourself comfortable while Felix challenged Minho on Super Smash Bros. Jisung had just finished setting up his Nintendo Switch on Felix’s TV and tossed both controllers to the first round competitors. Felix selected Dark Pit whereas Minho did the random selection and got Ness. 

“Nooooo! FUCK.” Felix screeched after Minho sent his character flying off the platform. You covered your ears but laughed at Felix’s loss. 

Minho smirked, nodding to his opponent, wiggling his eyebrows. “Do you want to change your fighter?” 

Rolling his tongue in his mouth, Felix shook his head, “No, rematch.”

The doorbell rang. Without a glance, too absorbed into his rematch with Minho, Felix asked you to open the front gate for Olivia. You left the couch and went outside to open it for her. When you opened the wooden gate, you found Bang Chan waiting outside instead of Felix’s sister. Your mouth went agape. 

“You’re back...” You said, stepping aside to let him in. 

Shock was still written across your face. He gently patted his carry on before leaning in to take a look at your face. Jokingly, he said, “I take it that you’re not thrilled to see me, should I leave then?”

Seeing him in person made your heart swell. You suddenly remembered how much you missed him. Overwhelmed by his presence, your eyes began to pool with tears and just could not stop. Without blinking, a big, fat tear escaped. Wiping the stray tear with the sleeve of your hoodie, you wanted to stop crying but wound up sniffling. 

Chan reached for your other arm, gently drawing small circles with his thumb. He couldn’t help but laugh as he attempted to soothe you. “Hey, hey, why are you crying?” He cooed, throwing another joke, “Maybe I should just leave…”

“No, don't.” 

Although tears kept on falling, you laughed back and patted your cheeks dry with your sleeve. Chan let go of the carry-on, spreading his arms wide for only one reason. You accepted his invitation, leaning forward to wrap your arms around his torso. “Don’t worry, I missed you too. But I didn’t expect you to cry so much,” he teased. 

The vibration his laughter gave off, made your insides feel warm and fuzzy. Chan smelled like fresh laundry mixed with the familiar cologne he only wore for special occasions. He rocked you side to side, and you could feel the smile spread across his face from his chuckling. You wanted to hug him even longer but a notification went off, causing both of you to pull away from each other. 

It was coming from the Apple Watch gifted to him from everyone for his 21st birthday. Chan checked the notification, disregarding it when it began to spam. “Let’s go inside,” he said, patting your shoulders to make you head in first. 

“Finally! What took you so long?” Felix jumped from the couch to give Chan a hug. 

Chan gave a nonchalant shrug, “My mum wouldn’t stop talking. If it weren’t for Hannah and Olivia needing a ride to the mall, I would’ve gotten here much later.”

“Christopher Bang, I have been waiting for you,” Jisung swooped in, giving Chan a bear hug. Then, weakly whispered into his dear friend’s ear, “If it was any longer, I would’ve died from starvation.”

You frowned all of a sudden. “Wait, all of you guys knew he was coming back for Thanksgiving?” 

“Surprise!” Felix awkwardly laughed because he knew you were going to strangle him later.

“Yeah? Why wouldn’t he come back? It’s Thanksgiving,” Hyunjin walked out of the kitchen with the rest of the guys to hug Chan. 

“You said you weren’t though,” you said, narrowing your eyes at Chan. He removed the black cap from his head, sheepishly running a hand through his... dark brown hair? There was no longer a strand of dirty blonde. “Oh my god, and you dyed your hair back to your natural hair color,” you gasped. 

“Boy, I am starving,” he whistled, purposely ignoring your stare. 

Jisung wrapped his arms around yours and Chan’s shoulders, inhaling the aroma of Seungmin’s freshly baked pies coming from the oven. “I’m so fucking stoked to eat. Let’s eat.”

↫ iii ↬ bh.pt.i ↫

Famous Dex - Japan

“Baby girl, what you doing, where your mans? I just popped a xan, fifty thousand in Japan.”

Chan sang Japan by Famous Dex, pointing to Felix once they both made eye contact. Felix quickly caught on, finishing the chorus with a strong dab, “I ain't doin' no playin', these red bottoms, not no Vans. And she tellin' all her friends, I might put 'em on the Gram, aye!” 

“I don’t know you two anymore,” you cringed at the pair. Once the song was over, they started singing to Lil Uzi Vert’s ‘XO TOUR Llif3.’ 

“Should've saw the way she looked me in my eyes. She said baby I am not afraid to, die. Push me to the edge, all my friends are dead, push me to the edge, all my friends are dead,” they both sang, clasping each other’s hands and bobbing their heads. 

“Ah shit, the Uber driver is gonna be outside in two minutes,” Felix cursed and ran upstairs to his room to grab his bomber. 

“Hurry, or else we’re going to leave you!” Chan shouted towards the stairs, then, lowering his voice to tell you, “Let’s leave him.”

You rolled your eyes, and he cracked a smile. 

After Thanksgiving, Chan had two and a half days left before heading back to Berlin. You wanted to spend as much time as you can with him. Not only you, but everyone else wanted to. And the perfect way to do it: 

Bar hopping. (bh)

Jisung brought up the idea because he wanted to buy his friend a drink. It was a treat for Chan since he’s been away for nearly three months. But also, Jisung was anticipating to record any of Hyunjin’s embarrassing moments. For him, it was killing two birds with one stone. 

“Thank you, sir, have a good one,” Chan said to the Uber driver, waving goodbye as he was the last to exit the backseat of the car. 

Felix scanned the area, squinting whenever he saw anyone coming out of a shop. “Uh, we just arrived. Where are you- Oh! I see Woojin waiting in the front,” he hung up. 

“I’m so hungry.” Your stomach grumbled. 

“Yoooooo! Broski, over here,” Felix waved both hands in the air. The three of you approached Woojin, giving him a hug before entering the bar. 

Everyone was already seated inside munching on some salted peanuts. Changbin tossed a peanut into the air, and Jisung caught it in his mouth, extending his arms in the air to gloat his victory. “Now buy me a drink,” he demanded. 

“Fine,” Changbin scoffed but agreed. 

Once the three of you settled down in the large booth, Woojin ordered a beer and a shot of tequila for each person. You were excited to drink but hated tequila. It was the first alcohol to ever give you a massive hangover. The taste was disgusting and a measly whiff could still trigger your gag reflexes. 

“Alright, whoever finishes last needs to take another shot of tequila,” Felix snickered. 

“Ugh, no,” Hyunjin groaned.  

Chan leaned in to whisper into your ear, “Will you be able to handle it?” 

You bumped your left shoulder against his right, “Of course, who do you think I am?” 

Changbin knocked on the table, grabbing everyone’s attention. “3! 2! 1! Go!” 

You chugged the beer while keeping your eyes open for the rest of the guys. Most of them started off with their shot of tequila to get it over with while you, Jisung, and Jeongin started off with beer. By the time you were halfway done with your beer, the tequila starters were beginning to touch their beers. Some were still making faces from sucking the complementary lime wedges that came with the tequila. 

Finishing the last of your beer, Jisung slapped the table with his shot glass. Still sucking his like wedge, he pointed at you to hurry so you can come in second place. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, grabbing the lime wedge in one hand and the tequila shot in the other, downing it in one go. “That’s so fucking nasty,” you whined and chewed into the lime wedge. 

“Done,” Changbin said, sliding his empty drinks into the center of the table. 

Next, Chan burped out loud, saying, “I’m done. Excuse me.”

When everyone finished, the order came out to be: Jisung, Y/N, Changbin, Chan, Woojin, Minho, Felix, Seungmin, Jeongin, Hyunjin. 

“FUck, this shit. I hate bar hop… ping,” Hyunjin complained, burping in defeat. 

“Bottoms up, loser,” Jisung laughed. 

“Drink! Drink! Drink!” Everyone chanted, cheering when Hyunjin finished the last of the devil’s juice. Already, his face was getting red as he lazily brushed his messy bangs away from his eyes. 

Even though Jeongin was second to the last place, he was eager to move on to the next round. Rubbing his hands in excitement, he asked, “So what’s next?” 

↫ iii ↬ barhopping pt.ii ↫

“We are just going to take it chill this round,” Seungmin cutely laughed. 

The lightweight slurred, jabbing his index finger onto Seungmin’s chest, “No, you wanted to take it chill this round.”

“He’s trying to save you,” you slapped Hyunjin’s back, “But I don’t mind taking it chill this round.”

Already tipsy and spouting out nonsense like always, Jisung called you out, “Y/N, what’s with the getup today?” 

He really emphasized the makeup and your fitted black off-shoulder top with dramatic John Cena hand movements. You grew embarrassed by the sudden attention. Now, everyone’s eyes were on you, especially Bang Chan’s. Your cheeks grew warm as you blushed, but that honestly did not matter because the lighting of the second bar was dark enough to hide them. 

“Jisung, they’re just falsies,” you rolled your eyes. 

Hyunjin cocked an eyebrow into your direction, “My girlfriend likes to wear them when she’s going out. Are you going out with anybody?” He put his head down and burped. “Keeping seCrets huh? uGH, I miss my girlfriend.”

“Nooo, definitely not…” You sighed, “I just felt like doing something different today.” 

“Is it because Chan is back?” Seungmin felt like he cracked the Da Vinci Code. Ridiculous. 

“You’re ridiculous, Kim Seungmin.”

Felix intervened, lazily karate-chopping his arm into the table. Thanks to him, he saved you from making a fool of yourself. “What about me? Didn’t you know anything different about me today?” He slurred. 

“You’re drunk,” Seungmin pointed out the obvious. 

“No, not yet. I got a new bomber, duh. Go ahead, touch it,” Felix suggested. He grabbed Seungmin’s hand, hovering it over his jacket. Then, Felix made him caress the smooth material. 

Both you and Chan burst out laughing. Then, you both turned to look at each other. When your laughter died down, you glanced at his plump lips and looked away with a sigh on yours. 

Why did you go out of your own way to put on makeup and wear your silver drop earrings? The top was a gift from one of your girlfriends. It’s been sitting in your closet for ages, but still, it was something different. 

The guys began to plan for the winter break agenda and Chan joined in on the conversation. He remembered the video call between you and him. It was around the time of his birthday when he unboxed the mystery One Piece figures you sent to him... Did you ever find somebody? 

For a moment, there was this unsettling feeling growing inside of his chest. Yeah, why did she look differently today, is what he thought. You were never ‘ugly’ in his opinion, you were just Y/N. Whatever you choose to do shouldn't matter, so Chan did what anyone would do: He brushed it off. 

Chan glanced over, feeling a little taken aback when you laughed at something Minho said about Hyunjin. Whenever he was surprised, his eyebrows did this thing where they would cutely knot upwards and his eyes would light up. But this time, it was different. Yes, he was surprised but the expression on his face grew soft immediately after you made eye contact with him. 

You raised the glass of your favorite cocktail to your lips, nodding in excitement when Jisung ‘secretly’ whipped out his phone and began recording Hyunjin. Then, you broke into a playful grin while biting into the black stirring straw before sipping your drink. Yeah, he thought you were really attractive right now. 

For some reason, Bang Chan felt like his body was engulfed by flames. 

You raised a brow, offering him to try your drink with a smile. Chan blinked back, totally aware he was staring at you. Luckily, you weren’t and thought he was curious about your drink. 

Turning down your offer, he decided to lay off on the drinking for the rest of this round. It was the alcohol causing him to feel this way, or that’s what he thought. 

If not, this was going to be a big problem. 

↫ iii ↬ barhopping pt.iii ↫

“Last but not least, we are going to get hammered with soju and meat,” Jisung cupped Changbin’s cheeks, then, patting them like how Asian grandmothers would select the perfect watermelons. 

Before Changbin could place him into a chokehold, Jisung clumsily ran into the restaurant to request for seats. He almost ran into one of the patio heaters in the process. “Come back, you fucking squirrel!” Changbin waved his fist in the air like an old man. 

He adopts a sailors’ mouth when he drinks lol. 

Hyunjin had an arm draped over Woojin’s shoulders. He’s already sobered up by now. “Let’s make sure he gets hammered tonight,” he said, then, pointed a finger at you, “And Y/N.”

“I say we should go for it,” Woojin supported his friend.

Your eyes widened. “What did I do?”

“He’s still salty you sent recordings to his girlfriend,” Jeongin teased Hyunjin, his eyes effortlessly creasing into the cutest eye smile. He reminded you of a baby fox. 

“I didn’t, it was Jisung. Recordings were sent from his phone,” You shrugged and stuck your tongue out when Hyunjin mimicked you. 

Jisung peeked at everyone from the restaurant door and caught Seungmin’s attention first, signaling him to bring everyone inside. Seungmin said, “Let’s go, seats are ready.” 

“I already picked out the meats. Now, the hardest part is choosing the soju flavor,” Jisung looked at the drinks menu with heart eyes. 

Changbin took the menu from Jisung’s hands, cockily skimming through it. “Leave it to me, I know what we should stay away from.”

When the waiter came by, Changbin ended up ordering two large yogurts, two fruit-flavored, and two original soju. Seven drinks. Everyone looked at him with their jaws dropped. “You’re actually insane,” Felix said even though he was at a loss of words. 

“The frat boy mentality has sprung onto him. It’s too late, we can’t save him,” Chan cried, covering his warm face, dramatically tugging it downwards with both hands. 

You sighed and lay your head onto Chan’s shoulder. You were still buzzed, but it was going to be a long night. Earlier, he put his jean jacket over your shoulders when some guy walked by and gave you a whistle. You were very uncomfortable from receiving the unwanted attention coming from a sleazebag and hid behind Chan’s broad frame. 

You were getting tired but still wanted to have fun. Chan’s shoulder was a muscular pillow. Your eyes glanced at the sleeve of his black T-shirt. Then, your eyes trailed down to his arm veins, his hand, and the ring on his pinky finger. It was your gift to him for his birthday this year. There was this strong urge to place your hand on top of his and flip it over so that the palm of his hand would be open for you to entwine your fingers in. 

Fuck, why is he so hot?

You didn’t actually do it though, you could not bring yourself to. When you tilted your head upwards, Chan was laughing at Woojin’s disaster story about his most recent blind date. He must’ve felt your gaze on him so he stopped paying attention to the story. Chan laid his eyes on you while you blinked back in surprise with a tinge of pink on your cheeks. His eyes held your gaze momentarily before trailing down to your lips, and so did you. 

You were both waiting for something to happen. The tension-

“Drinks and meat are here,” Minho excitedly cleared the table for the waiter. 

Both you and Chan looked away from each other at the same time. You instantly removed your head from his shoulder, and he cleared his throat. You were both left feeling embarrassed, however, Chan also felt nervous. You, on the other hand, felt a heavyweight on top of your chest. 

For this last round of bar hopping, you both avoided any sort of eye contact or slight skinship with one another. It was too risky, making a nervous wreck out of both you and Chan. 

“Let’s play Truth or Drink mixed with Never Have I Ever,” Changbin said, pouring a drink into everybody’s shot glass, filling it to the brim. 

Minho scoffed but enjoyed the idea, “You’re just asking for everyone to drink.”

“That’s the point.”

“Never have I ever almost joined a cult back in high school,” Jisung tsked over to his friend, snickering when Hyunjin and Jeongin downed the shot in one go. 

Hyunjin went next and glared at Jisung, “Never have I ever lived in Malaysia during my childhood.”

Jisung narrowed his eyes at Hyunjin, chewing on a piece of meat after drinking his shot. “Playing like that, I see.”

“Well, you started it.”

“No, you.”

“You.”

“You.”

Chan interrupted their bickering, and said, “Moving on, never have I ever… Cheated on an exam.” Everyone groaned, drinking except for him, Seungmin, and Hyunjin. Then, it was your turn. 

“Er… Never have I ever blacked out from drinking,” you peeked around, raising your glass to everyone. Changbin, Woojin, Chan, Jisung, Hyunjin, and Felix all clinked their glasses together. 

“Alcoholics,” Minho shook his head, eyeing each person with false disappointment written on his face. 

“Shut the fuck up, you have no right. You’re the goddamn instigator,” Jisung kicked Minho’s foot under the table. 

“Stop playing footsies with me.”

“Oh, I can stop whenever I want to.”

“Can I go now?” Seungmin stuck a piece of rib finger into Jisung’s mouth. Everyone gave him the go, so he suggested, “Let’s do Truth or Drink this round, and the question applies to everyone. If you were a serial killer in a movie, who would you kill first? On the count of three, point your finger to the person. 3! 2! 1!”

“Wow.” And it wasn’t hard to guess who it was. 

The rest of the night went by like that, playing more rounds of Never Have I Ever and Truth or Drink. More than half of the group was drunk and Hyunjin had his head down. He already knocked out and was drooling. You were drunk too but waited for Felix to take his turn. 

Propping your chin in the palm of your right hand, you felt your eyelids become heavier the longer Felix took to ask his question. Finally, he asked everyone, “What are you the most grateful for?”

“I’m the most grateful for my cats,” Minho brought up his fingers and began to list each cat, “Soonie, Doongie, and Dori. Sometimes, I get hissed at but I still love them all.”

It was Chan’s turn. “Mmm,” he thought, “I’d say, my parents, because if they never gifted me with music, I wouldn’t be CB97 right now.”

“And there wouldn’t be SPEARmint and your one and only,” Jisung sluggishly pointed to himself, groaning, “J.One.”

“It’s SPEARB,” Changbin whined, hugging Jisung. 

Chan was beginning to sober up and sipped on his half-full glass of water. Getting sentimental and smiling over to his rap unit members, his ears perked up when it was your turn. You had your head and arms sprawled across the table, earning a laugh from Minho when you palmed your forehead with a disgruntled look on your face. Your head hurt, but you continued, “I am grateful for a lot of things. My dog, meeting my ultimate bias, and having you guys in my life.”

“That’s so generic, be more specific,” Minho teased. 

“Lix, I’m grateful for Felix. If my dad never met his dad in their twenties, I would’ve never grown up with Lix. My dad wouldn’t have almost accidentally run over him that one time when he was running away from Rachel.”

“Huh, I remembered that day. Rachel got so mad at me for reading her diary. I mean, she did leave it on the couch,” Felix reminisced, chuckling at the memory from long ago. 

Seungmin raised an eyebrow, a little confused with what you shared. “Shouldn’t you be grateful for your dad meeting Felix’s dad? And not Felix?”

“Sure, but it’s Felix I am most grateful for. Because without him, I would’ve never met everyone else… and Chan,” you patted Felix’s bomber with your eyes closed and expected him to feel touched by your words. 

“Why say it like that? What differentiates Chan from everyone else?” Jeongin asked with a small pout on his lips. Chan wanted to know as well. He didn’t know why you paused a little before saying his name. Was he special to you in any way? 

Yeah. What differentiates Chan from everyone else? 

“Stop asking me, and let’s move on to Felix. It hurts to think,” you complained.

↫ iv ↬

“Oi bro, today was fun. But I’m fucking wasted,” Felix burped. He leaned his head against the door frame while intensely staring at the door handle. Concentration was key, literally. Felix needed to press the correct keys or else you, him, and Chan would be sleeping in the front yard tonight. Nobody was home. 

“You good there, buddy?” Chan asked with a concerned tone. 

Felix entered the correct code and the numbers on the keypad lit up blue, making him internally jumping with happiness. “Ohh hell yeah. Uh-”

Then, he pushed through the door, startling Chan as he ran through the living room and into the kitchen to hurl into the nearest trash can. Chan quickly went after Felix while still carrying you on his back. “Bro,” he cringed at the loose chunks in the trash can and rubbed Felix’s back, “Keep throwing up, it’ll definitely make you feel better. I’m gonna get you some water. Just let me take Y/N upstairs.”

Felix waved Chan off and said he’d be fine. He was going to go straight to his room afterward, change into his pajamas, and chug the huge hydro flask by his bed. It seems like Felix planned for this to happen, so Chan didn’t have to worry much. 

Chan carried you upstairs to the guest room and carefully unwrapped your arms from his neck when he sat on the bed. When he let go, you hit the back of your head against the headboard and whined in pain. “Oh fuck, I’m so sorry,” he whispered. 

“Ugh, how long have I been out for,” you said, clutching onto the back of your head. 

Chan shrugged, turning around to look at you. “Just the ride back home.”

“I’m not looking forward to a hangover tomorrow.”

You expected Chan to respond but there was no reply. When you peeked one eye open, he was gone. You sighed, rolling to your side to face the window. Why did you feel so puzzled all of a sudden? 

“Are you asleep?” A voice whispered from the end of the bed. 

It was Chan and he had a tall glass of water in his hands. You sat up, thanking him as you took the glass and greedily drank from it. When you finished, you placed it onto the nightstand before laying on your back again. 

“Am I different?” Chan suddenly asked. 

“What do you mean?”

“Like, am I different from the others?” 

You lightly shoved his arm with your foot. “Other guys? Yeah, you’re CB97.”

He shook his head. It wasn’t the answer he wanted. “No, actually, never mind,” he said, changing his mind. 

You frowned and sat up. Then, you nudged his arm, bugging him to tell you, “What is it? Tell me, Bang Chan.”

When you whined, even more, he softly chuckled, facing you with a smile. The only source of light came from outside’s yard lamp through the window slits. You held in a breath when he leaned in. 

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

↫ v ↬

“Y/N, why are we doing this? You know I can’t bake.”

Felix frowned at the baking instructions displayed on his phone. He was having a hard time converting grams to ounces because the mixer was too disruptive. It was annoyingly loud. For the love of god, he spilled some powdered sugar onto the counter. 

“I need help, Lix. It’s hard to make macarons by myself,” you huffed, blowing a strand of your bangs out of the way. 

“What’s in it for me? I could be sleeping in right now,” Felix scoffed but went to the cupboard to grab sugar, salt, and almond flour. 

“You get to spend quality time with me for free. Also, you can eat delicious strawberry macarons. They’re your favorite.”

He shook his head, “No, they’re Chan’s favorite. I already knew your intentions the moment you asked to come over. And, I like banana flavored.”

“What’s with you and banana?”

“Don’t you just love the way it’s pronounced? Banana,” he smiled, thinking about bananas. 

Handing Felix the electric mixer, you bossed him around, enjoying every moment of it, “No, now beat the eggs with the mixer until it becomes stiff peaks,” 

“Y/N, If you like Chan, it’s okay to admit it. I won’t judge you,” he said, cracking a couple eggs into a large bowl, then scooped the yolks into a smaller bowl, “But I’ll make fun of you.”

You paused whatever you were doing to ask, “Why’d you say that out of the blue? That’s odd.” 

“Look,” he paused, “When have you ever went out of your way to gift homemade cookies for someone? This is cute child’s play Y/N.” 

“Never. But everyone is getting a share of this batch, so I don’t know why you’re quick to assume,” you nervously shrugged. Why were you nervous? There was no reason. 

“But who were you thinking of surprising when you bought the ingredients?” 

You eyed the egg whites sliding off the cracked eggshells in his hand as they slowly dripped into the mixing bowl. Cringing at his sloppiness, you told him to start mixing and less talking. “Why would I like him, it’d never work out between us,” you muttered under your breath. 

“Just don’t complain to me when he comes back with a girlfriend from his study abroad program,” Felix annoyingly sang, hitting the power button on the electric mixer. You felt something inside of you sort of snap.

“What?” You asked. 

“You’re not the only girl he’s friends with. You know that right?” 

“Yeah, of course,” you said, trying to hide your disappointment. You were no special exception and it somehow made you feel more hopeless. Felix knew his words must’ve triggered something so he decided to tone it down.

“As your best friend, I know when you’re into someone. This time, it’s different. You may not think you’ve liked Chan for a long time, but trust me, I know,” Felix turned down the mixer to add some sugar with the whipped egg whites, “No matter how many guys you’ve liked in the past, you’d always set them aside for Chan. You don’t do things like having late-night phone calls, binge-watching One Piece, or bake fancy cookies for anyone else. Only Chan. Admit it before I knock some sense into you, idiot. You have a soft spot for him.”

“I do not…” You said in denial, but who were you trying to convince?

“Whatever,” Felix gave up and rolled his eyes. He adjusted the speed of the electric mixer, adding the rest of the sugar into the whipped egg whites. 

When Felix finished whipping the egg whites, they became stiff peaks. He removed the mixer from the bowl, distracted by the mixture’s consistency and unwillingness to budge. “Hey, Y/N,” he tapped your shoulder before holding the bowl of stiff peaks upside down above his head, “Check this out.”

“YONGBOK WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” You screamed his Korean name, hoping the mix wouldn’t fall onto his head and get on the floor. 

“Look, it’s not falling hehehe,” Felix laughed, remembering how he saw something like this in a Tasty video. 

You grabbed Felix’s shoulders in hopes of him putting the bowl down but then he placed it over your head and laughed. “Oh my god, if it gets in my hair, I’m gonna kill you,” you vigorously shook him. 

Felix laughed and put you in a headlock, threatening to coat your face in stiff peaks. “You started it by calling me Yongbok.”

“Yongbok, Yongbokie, LEE YONGBOK,” you giggled when he locked you in tighter. His soft hoodie tickled your neck and you were scared of getting smeared with the cookie mixture. 

“What are you guys doing?” 

Felix dropped his arm to his side and placed the mixing bowl onto the counter. You stood up, fixing your now messy ponytail and awkwardly coughed. 

Chan stood by the kitchen entrance with his arms crossed, looking somewhat displeased. You looked anywhere else but him. When you finally made eye contact with Chan, he quickly avoided it and cleared his throat. “I just came to say goodbye,” he said. 

“But isn’t your flight at 5?” Felix glanced at his oven’s built-in clock, “It’s not even noon yet and you’re already leaving?” 

“My parents want to have lunch with me before dropping me off at the airport. They invited my grandparents and other relatives, so it’s going to take a while.”

“Do the rest know?” 

Chan nodded, “Yeah, I’m going to head back to grab my luggage after lunch, but I messaged them earlier and came to say goodbye just in case.”

Felix walked over to Chan and gave him the tightest bear hug, “Take care and stay safe. I’ll see you in a few weeks?”

“Yeah, and take care as well,” Chan smiled. 

“For sure.”

When their hug was over, Felix said he needed to grab a charger from upstairs because his phone was about to die. You didn’t want to be alone with Chan because you were afraid of acting weird around him, then no one could save you. “What are you two making?” Chan nodded at the mess in the kitchen. 

You shyly smiled, “Uh… Cookies? Hey Chan, are you going to stop by here again after your family lunch?”

“Maybe not, I’m not sure. I’ll call you if I do.”

“Hmmm, okay,” you nodded awkwardly, “I guess I’ll see you in a few weeks too.”

“Yeah, I’ll be back before you know it,” Chan smiled and began teasing, “Better not be a crybaby once I leave.” 

You slapped his arm, “It won’t happen again, just let it gooo.”

“Hmm, nooo,” he laughed. 

When Chan’s laughter died down, he stared at you with a small sigh. You were acting a little different today and he kind of had an idea as to why. He thought you sensed something unusual about his behavior, making you feel awkward towards him. He just wanted to board the plane right now and get his thoughts settled. 

Chan wanted you to give him a hug like always but you refrained from doing so. By the time Felix came back down with his charger, he sensed the weird atmosphere and mouthed to you, ‘What did you do?’

You narrowed your eyes at him and Chan’s phone rang at the same time. It was Lucas on the other line, asking when his brother would be home since their grandparents would be arriving soon. Chan took that as a cue to be on his way, leaving you in the kitchen as Felix walked him out of the front door. 

Felix came into the kitchen confused, “What happened when I was gone?” 

“Nothing, we were just talking.” 

“Do you think we’re going to finish baking these macarons by the time he leaves to the airport?” Felix scratched his head. 

“I hope so,” you sighed. If you worked efficiently enough, it’s possible to finish on time. 

Chan quietly sat in the back seat of the minivan with his younger siblings on the way back from the restaurant. He’d usually bug Hannah about her recent boy crushes or watch Lucas play Monster Hunter on his 3DS. This time, he stared out the window with his EarPods in. A lot was on his mind. 

Chan felt sort of jealous, then stupid, then fine again. It was a cycle on his way back to the house. He knew Felix didn’t have any romantic feelings for you, but the tinge of jealousy would not leave his system. Chan let himself into the house when Felix had just finished mixing whatever. He was curious as to why Felix was up so early since his best friend tends to sleep in till noon during breaks. 

When Chan heard your voice, his ears perked up like a dog. He felt excited to see you and walked into the kitchen, hoping to surprise you. Instead, Chan himself was surprised when he found Felix holding you in a headlock. You were laughing and squirming in Felix’s hold, making Chan wish he didn’t see that. 

Not once have you laughed like that with Chan since he came back to visit. Chan thought you developed a crush on Felix but haven’t told him. But how could you not? You always tell Chan everything. He didn’t care if you liked someone… So what?

When they arrived home, Chan’s father pulled into the driveway. Everyone went inside to rest for a little while before sending him off to the airport. Chan still needed to go upstairs, so he could grab his things and load them into the trunk. After carrying his luggage downstairs and to the minivan, Chan popped open the trunk, halfway loading his things but stopped when his phone went off. 

He picked up the call with his earphones, unaware of the person calling, “Hello?” 

“H-have you left to the airport yet? Or are you still at home?” You said, heavily panting on the other line of the call. 

“Y/N?” Chan asked surprised, “I’m still at home. I just got back.” He waited for you to answer but you had already hung up. “Hello? Y/N?”

“Chan!” You ran up to him, exhausted and a little sweaty. Then, you placed a hand on your waist to keep yourself up as you slowly regain your breath. 

“Did you run here?” 

“Yes.”

“What? Why?”

You stuck your hand into the inside of your denim jacket and fished out a decent packaged goodie bag. “I didn’t want you to leave empty-handed, so I made you these.”

You never fail to catch Chan off guard these days. He slowly unraveled the bag as if it were a delicate rose, and peeked inside to see a couple of pink macarons. Although several of them were cracked because Felix opened the oven midway into baking, causing them to deflate, there were some good ones. 

“Is this what you were baking with Lix?” Chan asked. When you nodded, a smile couldn’t help but form on his lips. 

“Yeah, sorry if I didn’t ask you to stay or say much. I wanted it to be a surprise,” you shyly glanced around him, hoping he’d try one of the cracked cookie sandwiches. 

“Huh, I would’ve never guessed,” Chan laughed. As dumb as it sounds, he felt better knowing you were thinking of him. 

You peeked into his goodie bag, “Are you going to try one?”

“Yeah, here,” he handed you one before taking a bite of his own. 

You thought it was cute when Chan slowly chewed on the cookie. His eyes formed into crescents once he recognized the flavor. After finishing one macaron, he wrapped the bag, closing it and stuffed it into his pocket, “I’m saving these for when I wait to board the plane.”

“Here, eat mine,” you offered the uneaten macaron in your hand. 

“You don’t like strawberries?” 

“No, I do. But I know you like them more, so here,” you brought the miniature sandwich to his lips, smiling when he opened his mouth. 

“Fanks, tho good,” Chan said with a mouthful. 

“Ew, chew with your mouth closed.”

“Hmmm,” he swallowed the last of the macaron, “I said they’re really good, and thank you.”

Sighing in relief, you said, “Of course, I’m glad they come out burnt.”

“They came out kinda ugly though.”

You hit Chan’s bicep. “Then don’t eat them,” you held your hand out, “Return them.”

Chan laughed but reached into his pocket. Instead of handing the cookies back, he grabbed your hand and pulled you in for a hug. As his arms wrapped around your shoulders, he hugged tighter. You uncontrollably smiled, returning his hug and laughed at his sly move. Chan notices how he loves it when he’s this close to you. It makes him feel good to be around you. 

He likes to do this thing where he rocks you back and forth in his arms. You remembered the first time he did it was when you were juniors in high school. You embarrassed yourself in front of a guy you liked at the time and felt down for the whole day. It wasn’t until after school where you were forced to tag along with Felix and Chan to eat pizza which made you feel better. Although you weren’t by the time you met up with them, both caught the sight of your glossy eyes. 

Felix said he had to head back early because he needed to study for a bio test, but you and Chan both knew he would end up playing video games instead. Chan bought you a smoothie and walked you home since it was on the way to his. Before he let you go, he gave you a bear crushing hug, rocking you back and forth while telling you to cheer up and stop being a crybaby. His way of cheering you up always made you laugh and feel warm inside. 

Chan was your big, swol teddy bear. 

Fuck it, you liked him... It didn’t matter. You will deal with it later. 

“Did you really think I’d give them back?” He playfully teased. 

“If you did, I will never make you anything ever again. Ungrateful jerk,” you huffed, pretending to be angry. 

“Nah, I’d never,” he said softly. 

“When are you leaving?” You said, your voice a little muffled from being too close against his jacket. 

“Pretty soon. We’re just waiting for my dad to get off his food coma.”

“Ohh okay.”

Still hugging you, Chan felt like he really needed to say it. You already know though and it wouldn’t change anything, but a strange feeling of realization hit him. As cheesy as it sounds, he wanted to give you a light kiss on your forehead. Wow, he likes you and he is finally sure of his feelings. 

“Don’t worry, I’m gonna miss you,” Chan took a deep breath, “I always do, so don’t be a crybaby when I leave.”

↫ vi ↬

Chan rushed back to his dorm, feeling a surge of inspiration out of nowhere. It was a pain to sit through the last half of class when he was so eager to leave. He was excited to hop on his keyboard to work on a mix. 

Once he stepped into his room, he dumped his backpack onto the floor and stripped off his hoodie, tossing it onto the bed. Then, he pulled out the keyboard pad from his desk and began to set up his laptop and headphones. 

It was perfect. 

Chan was afraid he’d lose the beat or lyrics that came to his mind earlier, but he got it down pretty quick. Now, the hard part. He had to find a way for it to flow smoothly together. He hummed, his head bobbing to the new beat, but something was still lacking. 

“Maybe if I move this here, the transitioning would be a lot better,” Chan clicked on his mouse and dragged one of the clips, inserting it into the mix. When he replayed the sound, he smiled in content. 

CB97’s back, baby.

Just when he felt like he could add in another element, an incoming call interrupted his train of thought. It was from you. 

He picked up the call and swiped into the clock app to check the time zone in Sydney. His eyes widened, why were you calling him 12:30 in the morning? Did something happen?

“Hello? Y/N?” Chan said to the other line. 

“I’m bored,” you said. 

He laughed. “Why are you calling me? Are you by yourself?”

“No,” you replied, shaking your head, “I’m with Lix, Hyunjin, Jisung, and Changbin. Eww, Lix just threw up in the bushes.”

Chan cringed at the sound of his best friend hurling on the other line. It reminded him of the last time he went bar hopping with you and everyone. Now that Chan knew you were drinking, it was obvious you were drunk too. 

“Why’d you call?”

“I don’t know.”

He raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I don’t know… Hyunjin started calling his girlfriend midway through finishing his drink. Then Changbin called his to confess how much he likes her. And don’t get me started on Jisung,” you tiredly watched Jisung rub soothing circles on Felix’s back. 

“What about Jisung?” Chan chuckled, urging you to continue. 

“He FaceTimed his girlfriend and said he loves her and misses her even though he knows she’s going to kick his ass for getting drunk,” you sighed. 

“Then what?”

“Felix didn’t have anyone to call. He only searched up Momo on google images and angrily pointed at Heechul to treat her right or else he would fly to Korea to square up,” you laughed, starting to feel a little sick too. 

“What about you? Did you have anyone to call?” Chan removed himself from his desk and plopped onto his bed. 

“No, only you. There’s no one else to call, I don’t like anyone else,” you said truthfully. 

“Wow, so I was your last resort,” he joked. 

You felt liquid courage giving you a booster. Shaking your head, you sighed deeply as you watched Felix cough up the last of his partially digested pizza. “Never, I like you too much. I didn’t call anyone else because you’re the only one I want to talk to. So, no. Not my last resort, more like my automatic first choice,” you confessed. 

“Sure.”

“No, I mean it. I love you so much. I just want to hug you all day long. You have no idea how much I miss you,” you whined. 

Chan’s smile faltered and his heart began to race. There’s no way you meant that, did you? 

“How much did you drink?”

“Enough to feel like throwing up but not enough to actually throw up,” you groaned at the unsettling feeling in your stomach.

“Will you remember what you just said to me when you wake up tomorrow?”

“Of course. I always remember! Remember, you said I would someday drunk call somebody. Well, you were right,” you giggled.

Boy, he hoped so. Chan was shaken but couldn’t do much because you were intoxicated. If you did like him, he wanted you to confess when you’re actually sober. That way, Chan would know you were being serious. 

“Who’s not wasted? Can you hand them your phone?” Chan rolled in his bed while anxiously waiting. 

“Hello?” A familiar raspy voice asked. 

“Hey Bin, is everyone sleeping over at someone’s house tonight?”

“Oh, hey,” Changbin said tiredly, “Yeah, we’re going to head back to Felix’s soon. Just haven’t called an Uber yet because Y/N’s been on the phone. Everyone’s phones pretty much died.”

“That’s good,” Chan mumbled to himself, “Can you do me a favor and take care of Y/N for me? Just make sure she gets into a bed and drinks a glass of water before she sleeps. She’ll be fine by the time you guys get to the house since she sobers pretty fast.”

“Honestly, you should be here. She’s been talking about you all night long, but it’s Gucci. I’m gonna take care of everyone,” Changbin nonchalantly shrugged. It was no biggie to him. 

“Just keep an eye out for her and everyone else,” Chan sighed. 

Changbin nodded, “Yessir. I am going to order an Uber now, I’ll talk to you later. Oh shit, Y/N just threw up.”

“What? Wait-“

Although Chan’s heart was still pounding, he figured to leave it until tomorrow when you sobered up. He couldn’t stop rolling in his bed and suddenly felt more homesick. He didn’t know whether or not he should call you first thing tomorrow after his brunch with a classmate. Or maybe he should wait for you to say something? 

Either way, you drove him nuts. Both good and bad. 

The next morning, you stormed downstairs to look for the person who made you go out last night. He slept on the couch, snoring lightly and draped an arm over his eyes. 

“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” you angrily tossed one of the couch pillows at a hungover Felix. 

Felix tiredly rubbed his eyes. You woke him up and he palmed every spot on the couch for his phone. “What now?” He asked. 

“I should’ve never gone with you guys. I’m screwed,” you said in distress. 

“You’re so LOUD, I’m TRYNA SLEEP Y/N,” Jisung crankily got up from the couch and walked into Felix’s room to join Changbin under the covers. 

“What did I do?” Felix asked again. 

“I should have never gone drinking last night. I fucked up everything, I can’t bear to see Chan or even talk to him again,” you said, pacing back and forth in front of the TV. 

Felix laughed, “Did you drunk call him and confess?”

“I think so, something along the lines of that,” you tried to remember your exact words but brain fart. 

“Oh shit,” he chuckled. 

“It’s not funny,” you began tearing up, “I messed up everything. It won’t be the same anymore. I don’t want Chan to avoid and stop talking to me because of these stupid feelings.”

Alarmed with your glossy eyes, Felix jumped from the couch even though he still felt nauseous from last night. He patted your back, holding in a laugh when you blinked away some tears. You reminded him of Jeongin. “Y/N, you’re worrying over nothing. Chan’s not going to do that to you, trust me. You know, confessions don’t mean much when you’re drunk.”

Sniffling, you asked him, “What do you mean they don’t mean much when you’re drunk? There’s truth to those words.” 

“Being intoxicated makes you say a lot of things you would not choose to say if you were sober. One time, I even said Changbin’s arms were hot. Can you believe that?” He scoffed. 

“Yeah, I mean, they’re pretty thick.”

Felix rolled his eyes, “The point is, confessions are meaningful when you’re sober. There’s something about being fully aware of your words and having the courage to say it without having to rely on liquid courage. Your confession was most likely taken lightly. You were just letting a friend know you miss him, like a lot, but that’s it.”

“So everything will be okay?”

“Yes, so stop worrying.”

↫ vii ↬

But everything wasn’t okay. 

Chan kicked off his shoes and fell into bed right after his last final. It’s been almost two weeks since he last talked to you (you drunk calling him in the middle of the day), and he felt stuck. When he sent you messages and memes, you wouldn’t respond or would leave him on read. Sometimes, it’d be a miracle if you gave him short responses. Even then, the atmosphere was off and he didn’t know how to keep initiating without the conversation being cut short. 

On days like this, it’d be perfect to compose something, anything. However, Chan kept deleting newly recorded beats, dissatisfied with its quality and flow. He gave up and quit all his open programs. 

Without thinking about the different time zones, Chan went on Discord. His cursor hovered over your icon before he clicked on it. It’s now or never, he thought. Chan felt his heart pounding over a simple video call. He didn’t even know if you were going to answer. It’s better to not get his hopes up. 

When the server rang, he anxiously clicked open some tabs to respond to Felix and check Facebook. 

“Hello?” You asked, dreading the moment he called you. 

“Y/N?” Chan asked, surprised you answered. He stared at the monitor, taking in the image of you working on something in your notebook.  

“Hey,” you sighed. 

Chan’s brows furrowed. He grew concerned at the time of your voice. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just tired. You know, the same thing always happening at school and work,” you lied, avoiding his stare. His gaze was still piercing through a screen. 

“Doesn’t seem like it. You usually talk about school and work, but you haven’t been doing so lately. Let alone at all,” Chan sadly stared at the screen as you pretended to be writing something important down. 

“Sorry, I’ve been pretty stressed lately. I haven’t had the time to talk or call,” you apologized, feeding him another lie. Oh, but he knew you were avoiding him. 

“You should’ve sent me a message or called me at least. It’s better to talk about it, Y/N. Keeping worries to yourself only make matters worse.”

“I’ll try to.”

Fed up with the tension, Chan frustratedly combed his hair with his fingers, “Cut the bullshit Y/N. I know you’ve been ignoring me. If it’s about that night you drunk called me, I’ll drop it. I know you don’t do homework at this time, especially on a Friday night.”

You dropped your pencil and stayed silent. Chan could only do so much on a screen. He stared at you, waiting for you to respond. It was dead silent because you could hear his hallmates talking in a foreign language as they passed by his door.

“Are you really not going to say anything?”

Finally looking up, you wiped off the tears that fell down to your cheeks, sighing. Chan sat up in his chair, worried he messed up. He thought you were going to end the call but held in a breath when you said, “What am I supposed to say? That, I’m sorry for having feelings for you? You say you can easily drop it, but I can’t.”

Chan let his hand cover his mouth, trying to hide his troubled expression. “Who said it was easy to drop it?”

“It’s not, but I screwed up… You’re aware of my feelings towards you. I can still remember that night’s conversation, and I know you do as well,” you covered your face, you didn’t want him to see you crying and looking like Rudolph, “It’s just going to be awkward for us the next time we’ll see each other. Everyone will sense it too. You’ll end up avoiding me.”

“Why do you say that? How can I avoid you? I’ve known you for years. That’s the least of your worries,” Chan said, frowning at your reasoning. He was utterly baffled. 

You slammed your palms onto the desk. “How is that the least of my worries? I like you more than a friend would, Chan. I have feelings for you, but I feel like I’m on the verge of losing one of the closest people in my life, you.”

You were both practically raising your voices on each other. 

He frustratedly started off strong, “What if you said those words to me when you were drunk but don’t actually mean it when you’re sober,” but finished in a small voice, “Then what?” 

“But that didn’t happen, so there’s no point in bringing up another possibility,” you softly said. 

“So what? Are you going to take back what you said? Because you can’t.”

Your heart dropped, and you wanted to bawl. “W-what?”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized and ended the call. 

You shut off your laptop and sat in your chair crying. When you got into bed, you curled into a ball with a tissue box beside you. You felt horrible. Everything was a mess. After going through twenty-something tissues, the mini trash can by your desk was filled with snot balls and evaporated tears. Exhausted and too tired to cry anymore, your eyelids slowly dropped until a notification popped up on the screen of your phone. 

It was a Surprise LIVE! from Monsta X. 

You chucked your phone away and it fell off the bed and onto the wooden floor. As if you cared about watching them live right now. If your ultimate bias couldn’t cheer you up with his smile, nothing could. 

You retrieved your phone to find a message from Chan. He only sent you a link directing you to Spotify playlist titled: 

↫ viii ↬ “I’m back and you didn’t even come with Lix to the airport to come to get me? I’m so hurt,” Chan pretended to be offended. He placed a hand over his chest, feigning hurt as you laughed at his attempt to be petty. Afterward, he excused himself to change into a more comfortable outfit and muted you on Discord.

When Chan finally unmuted the call, you blew a raspberry and stuck your tongue out at the camera. “I couldn’t, I was out of town. I just got back an hour ago,” you yawned, stretching your arms into the air. Then you spun around in your chair, coming to a complete stop when you saw him wearing a new sweatshirt.

“I knowww,” Chan dragged, taking a seat in front of his monitor again, “I’m surprised I’m not that jet lag.”

“It’ll catch up to you, trust me,” you rolled your eyes at the memory of your own jet lag experience. It was horrible. “Is that new? The quality looks expensive, what’s it made of?” You asked about his sweatshirt.

Chan touched the black fabric, pinching it between his fingers to emphasize his next words, “You can say it’s… boyfriend material…” He shyly laughed when you palmed your face at his cheesy joke, but you were laughing too. “I’M JOKING, ENOUGH,” he smiled.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be wearing that, Chan,” you teased.

He looked down at his sweatshirt, searching for any flaws. “Why? Does it look ugly on me?”

“Nope,” you said, shaking your head, “You’re a fraud.”

“For what?”

“As much as you’re wearing something that’s boyfriend material, are you boyfriend material?” You teased him again as he could only smile back at you. He took your hint pretty well.

Chan pretended to shrug and spun in his chair. He briefly stared at the ceiling, thinking of what to say next. When Chan looked into the lens, he chuckled softly, “Can I? Or shall I?”

“Can you what?” You didn’t get it.

“Be your boyfriend.”

You blushed and fell silent. Chan wiggled his eyebrows, feeling like he won this time. It was your turn to get teased by him. He was about to say something but you beat him to it.

“Ask me again in person,” you looked away from the screen of your laptop to hide your warm cheeks.

“Can I? Or shall I?”

“What?”

“Come over now,” Chan eagerly suggested.

It was obvious that he was super excited and wanted to see you in person. He was like a kid on a sugar high.

“Can I? Or shall I?”

When his joke was being repeated by someone else other than him, you, he tilted his head in confusion. “What?” He asked.

“Can I? Or shall I? Be your girlfriend.”

Bang Chan didn’t even have to think twice. “Yes.”

“Well, come on and get over here then,” you laughed.

“Be there in fifteen.”

↫ ix ↬

“Wow, that movie is so good. It’s the best one I’ve seen all year long,” Chan gushed as you searched for places to grab a quick drink before going home.

You both had just finished watching Parasite, a movie about a lower class family benefiting from a wealthy family. From the trailers you’ve watched with Chan, you both thought it was going to be some kind of horror movie. However, the plot was totally unexpected and kept you on your toes. 

Chan paid attention to the road but felt your eyes land on him. You smiled, adding on to what he was probably going to say next, “I’d say it deserves a ten out of ten from me.”

You navigated him to the nearest boba shop. To Chan’s luck, he found an open parking spot a few shops away from the place. When you got out of the car, the strong breeze hit your face, causing you to scrunch your nose. Chan noticed, so he put your hood on and tightly pulled onto the strings of your hoodie. You squealed, leaning away as he laughed. 

As you kept walking, you were tired of having your hand brush against his. So, you took his hand into yours, slowly entwining your fingers with his while holding them up to show him. Chan covered his face because he found you so cute. He wanted to give you a hug. 

“Can I see your wallet?” Chan asked. 

You didn’t know why but you gave it to him anyway. You were fine with it since he’s already seen your cringy IDs since high school. “Why, what are you going to do with it?” 

He ignored your question and approached the cashier, leaving you in the booth by yourself, asking, “Hi, can I get two roasted rice milk teas? Yeah, and with boba too.”

Then, Chan brought his phone out of his pocket, using  Apple Pay as you stood there in disbelief. He walked back to the booth, taking your hand in his and returned your wallet. “Wow, you’re sly,” you slapped his hand away. 

Chan chuckled, playing with the order number at his fingertips, “You can pay next time.”

“Oh, I will,” you stuck your tongue out. 

Once your drinks were out, Chan drove you back to your place. You sat in the car with him, getting nervous when he turned off the engine. “Do you wanna… “ He threw in a suggestion. 

You didn’t even let him finish. “W-wanna what?” 

Chan held back a small laugh, “I was wondering,” and he paused, “If you wanted to take a stroll around the neighborhood before we call it a night.”

You wanted to repeatedly slap your forehead for having inappropriate thoughts in the first place. When you didn’t give Chan an answer, he threw in another suggestion. “Unless it’s too cold outside, we can go back to my place and hang out with Berry,” he shrugged. 

Your eyes lit up at the mention of Berry. Your love for dogs was the same as it was for boba, and you excitedly nodded. Chan shook his head and rolled eyes his at your childlike reaction. He started his car again, reversing to give him some leeway and drove into the streets. His place wasn’t far from yours, it was only a five-minute drive and a fifteen-minute walk. 

After parking his car into the driveway, you bolted out of your seat and waited for him to catch up to you at the door. Chan teased you for being more excited to see Berry instead of him. When you said, ‘Of course,’ he stopped in the middle of unlocking the door and raised an eyebrow. 

Chan leaned in to whisper into your ear, “You can find your own ride back home, then.”

He bit his lip to prevent a smile from forming on his lips when you linked your arms with his, saying ‘sorry’ while begging him to drive you back home later. Of course, Chan was going to take you back. He wanted to make sure you were heading into your house safe and sound. When he finally unlocked the door, Berry woke up and shook herself before approaching the familiar scent of her owner. You heard small footsteps and the bell of her collar tinkling as she walked up to you and Chan. 

He petted her head, giving it a quick scratch before kicking his shoes off. You crouched down to pet Berry while she heavily sniffed your ankles and socks. There was a dog scent coming from you because you have a dog back at home too. 

Chan flipped on the lights and went to the kitchen to dump his empty drink into the motion sensor trash bin. When he walked into the living room, you had Berry laying flat on your chest and stomach. Her head pointed towards you and she cutely blinked, slowly beginning to fall asleep until Chan sat next to you. 

She got up, edging herself between you two and laid on her stomach, waiting for Chan to give her a belly rub. As he rubbed her belly, you looked around the living room and noticed the house was quiet. “Where’s everybody?” You asked. 

“Hannah’s at a sleepover and Lucas went with my parents to see a show. So I guess it’s just you and me.”

“Oh.”

“Wanna see what I’ve been working on?”

“Sure,” you nodded, feeling nervous again. Chan carried Berry back to her doggie bed by the fireplace, giving her one last pet before heading upstairs with you. When you walked into his room, you rolled your eyes at the giant monitors on his desk. Chan turned on his computer, satisfied with its smooth powering up, and typed in his password when the login appeared onto the screen.

Distracted by his light-up keyboard and mouse, you weren’t aware of him asking you to have a seat on his bed. Chan shook his head, handing you the mouse. “Go for it,” he offered you to change the color of his setup. 

When you handed back the mouse, Chan searched for a folder titled: CB97 and clicked on a file that opened into an audio clip. He played it for you, a soft smile appearing on his lips when you bobbed to the beat. “Do you have a name for this song in the making?”

“I’m thinking of… Hoodie Season?”

“I like that title,” you fell onto the bed as he played more clips for you to hear. When your eyelids were slowly beginning to droop, both yours and Chan’s phone buzzed. It was a Snapchat notification from Hyunjin. 

You reached into your butt pocket, whipping out your phone to take a look at whatever irrelevant thing Hyunjin would send to you at this time. When you opened his message, it was a recorded memory from a couple weeks back. 

“Yo, I’m sick as fuuu-“ Felix hyped himself until he threw up into the nearest bush outside of the local bar. Thank god the snap ended before you could see anything coming out, but it was still fun to watch. 

You giggled and pressed onto the next video.

“I miss you, I love you, and I know you’re going to kick my ass when you see me tomorrow,” Jisung whined to his girlfriend on the phone, “If you kick my ass, you will regret it. Then, you won’t have a nice ass to look at and touch anymore.”

Then the camera pointed at you. “You’re so gross,” you fake gagged and took out your own phone to dial your crush, “God, I miss Chan.”

Before you could finish watching the whole thing, you internally screamed inside your head and quickly skipped that part. “What was that?” Chan asked, plopping onto the bed to watch the video when he heard his name being said out loud. 

You immediately chucked the screen away, facing it down onto the bed, “Nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing,” Chan said, trying to peer over your shoulder.

Shaking your head, you tried to roll away, but he wrapped an arm around your waist, reaching for your phone with his free hand. You pleaded for him to not look, and he did exactly the opposite. 

Chan watched your drunk self confessing to him on the phone from that night. No matter how hard you’d try to wriggle out of his grasp and steal your phone back, he was too strong for you to do so. When the part where you handed your phone to Changbin came up, Hyunjin flipped the camera back to selfie mode to display his face. 

Hyunjin drunkenly pointed his index finger at the camera, trying to prove a point. “And that’s how you get back at Jisung and Y/N.” Several moments later, his eyes widened, “OH My GOD, Y/N.” 

You guessed the recording ended when you threw up. Not a good memory.

Your mouth went agape. Hyunjin did both you and Jisung dirty. 

“I’m going to kill him,” you said, clenching your fist. 

“And I’m going to screen record that from my phone,” Chan laughed, extending his arm to the desk for his phone until you pushed his shoulders back down. He landed onto the bed with a light thud, wrapping his arms around your waist again. Chan stared at your flushed cheeks, softly chuckling at your persistence to prevent him from watching your most embarrassing moment in life once more.

You glanced down to his lips, admiring his prominent cupid’s bow and held in a breath. Chan stared into your eyes, his eyes trailing down your nose, and then to your lips lovingly. Grinning like a fool, he was happy to have you as his and in his arms. Chan bit his lip, stopping the softest smile from spreading across his lips. He knew he failed to keep his cool. While his grip on your waist loosened, he brought a hand to your cheek, gently cupping it with his smooth palm. 

Chan leaned in, a small smirk quirking at the corner of his lips when you nervously gulped. You didn’t even have time to think because his lips were suddenly on yours. Chan pressed on slowly, grabbing your thigh to hitch you closer to him. You fluttered your eyes shut, savoring the taste of his lips as he took control. Chan loved the feeling of having your hands run down from his shoulders and to his chest. He’s honestly the master of the teasing game, lightly nipping at your bottom lip and flicking his tongue at the entrance of your mouth. Before he could deepen the kiss, he flipped you over, so that you’d be lying under him instead. Chan didn’t know where the night would take him and you didn’t either. 

But it is what it is, so he made sure to lock the door, just in case.

[charmingly-evil]

The Intervention - Bensler Fanfic 

Summary

Seeing their clear feelings for each other and frustrated at their inability to act, Kathleen stages an intervention with Eli and her siblings to bring Elliot and Olivia together. It starts with a date, and ends with a family. Bensler. Can find the link here 

...

They talk to each other as if no one else is in the room.

This is the thought that passes Kathleen’s mind as she watches Elliot and Olivia from the kitchen. She and the rest of her family are over at Olivia’s apartment for dinner, something that has been occurring more regularly since Finn’s wedding.

It started when Elliot dropped by one afternoon to discuss work and (according to Eli), didn’t come home until late that night. Then he was away the next evening. Apparently, Olivia’s washing machine had broken and despite her protests, Elliot insisted on fixing it.  Between ordering and waiting for new parts to arrive and taking lengthy breaks playing with Noah and catching up with his former partner, it took Elliot two weeks to repair the washing machine.

By then, Eli began dropping by, first to check in on his father, and then to play with Noah – catch, chess and cricket - not the first person in the Stabler family to adore Olivia’s son. Soon, it became tradition for Olivia to have Elliot and Eli over every Saturday evening for dinner. Eli was guarded towards Olivia at first, the woman who seemed to have this unique ability to ease his father’s tempers and draw out his deepest thoughts and feelings. Then Noah won over his heart, and he began to warm to Olivia, appreciating the tender care she showed towards him and his dad, treating them as if they were family. His care for her grew as his father told him about how Olivia saved his life and his mother’s, the day he was born.

Tonight, Olivia had invited Kathleen over for dinner, encouraging her to bring her siblings too.

Now, Kathleen is supposed to be decorating the last few touches on a cake she made, but instead she’s watching Olivia and Elliot who are sitting on the couch together, so close that their thighs are almost touching. Olivia’s holding a glass of wine in one hand, her other hand lightly touching his arm. She’s laughing at something he said. Kathleen watches the way he stares at her, as if he’s lost in her eyes. Kathleen sees the way his cheeks lift into a rare smile when she speaks, warming his entire features.

It's like they’re the only two planets in the solar system, orbiting each other’s space.

Kathleen whirls her head around her, seeing her siblings just feet away from the couple, playing with Noah. Can no one else see this?        

Kathleen brings the cake, plates and forks over and places it on the coffee table in front of Oliva and Elliot. The clang of the tray hitting the table alerts her siblings’ attention, however

Elliot and Olivia still seemed to be wrapped up in their own conversation.

Kathleen interrupts. “Dessert’s ready. It’s a butterscotch layered cake.”

Olivia lifts her head up, her eyes widening with delight at the fluffy layers dripping with caramel sauce. “It looks delicious Kathleen, thank you for making this.”  

Kathleen smiles and begins dishing out the plates as her siblings and Noah come over, taking their place around the coffee table. “It’s soothing. It’s helped to invest in these hobbies, you know? Since mom died.” Kathleen turns to Elliot and says, “Dad, I tried to open the champagne you brought over but couldn’t find the bottle opener.”

“You shouldn’t need the bottle opener. I’ll grab it.”

Kathleen waits for Elliot to leave before taking her place next to Olivia. “Thanks for having us over Liv.”

Olivia smiles as she reaches for a plate, seeing Noah’s eager eyes already devouring the cake, almost impatient for a piece. “Of course. We should have done this sooner. I’ve just been swamped with work…” Olivia cuts and hands Noah his slice of cake with a plastic fork, gently warning him, “Don’t eat it all at once, remember what happened at Lachlan’s birthday party.”  

“So has Dad, busy at work I mean,” Kathleen continues. She glances at her father, who is holding the bottle with one hand and searching for new glasses with other. She almost rolls her eyes. It’s a crime in his house to pour new wine into tainted glasses, just another habit he picked up from Italy. “I wanted to say that things have improved. Dad’s been seeing someone, a trauma psychologist. Eli says he’s not coming home late at night anymore and is eating and sleeping. He even calls me on his breaks every now and again to check in.”

Olivia’s smiles and she gently squeeze Kathleen’s arm affectionately. “I’m glad. He told me he was seeing someone and making progress.”

“I notice he’s been a lot happier these past few weeks too, since he’s been seeing you.”

Olivia raises her eyes, taken back. Kathleen leans forward and continues. “You’re good for him Liv. Just…things he can’t share with us, he shares with you.”

“You know I’ll always be there to support your father.”

“I know. It’s not just that…” Kathleen pauses, unsure of how to say it. “I see the way he looks at you…that day after the intervention, when he told you he loves you,” Kathleen doesn’t miss the sharp intake of breath Olivia takes. “I asked him about it. He refused to talk about anything from that night. Eli thought it might have been a mistake, a comment he was directing to all of us. But I know he only meant it for you. He’ll never admit it though.”

Olivia swallows, feeling the weight of what she’s saying. She sees the urgency in her eyes. Olivia takes a steady breath. “Kathleen, Elliot and I care about each other a lot. But that night, he was under a lot of pressure…and I honestly think that pursuing any sort of relationship is the last thing on his mind.”

Kathleen shakes her head. “He meant it Liv. He’s just too scared to say anything. Look, I’m not saying you need to do anything about it,” Kathleen pauses, glancing at Elliot once more, who is pouring champagne into two glasses. “You deserve to be happy. You both do. And I know if mom could talk, she would say the same thing too.”

Olivia’s eyes bloom with surprise, sure she misheard her.

Kathleen reads her surprise look and squeezes her friend’s hand. “I just don’t want you to think that anything is standing in the way. Not from me, or anyone in this family.”

Then Kathleen goes to settle in-between her brothers, absorbing herself in their conversations, just as Elliot returns.

Elliot hands her a glass of wine as he settles on the couch, his eyes shifting between Olivia and Kathleen. “That looked like a serious conversation.”

Olivia blinks once, then twice, recomposing herself. She passes him a small smile. “Oh, it was nothing. She was just telling me about her holiday plans.” Olivia lifts her glass up to her nose and breathes in the fruity aroma. She takes a sip and closes her eyes, letting out a blissful hum when she feels the smooth liquid run down her throat. “Borolo. Another favourite from Italy?”

“Yep. And judging from your smile, one of yours too?”

Olivia pinches her lips together and shrugs, a hint of a sparkle in her eye. “It’s growing on me since you started coming over.”

Elliot breathes out a laugh. “I’m not surprised. I checked your cupboard; you’re still drinking ten-dollar wine.”

Olivia scrunches her nose and casts him an irritated look. “Hey, just because I’m not a wine snob.”

Elliot raises his hands defensively. “It’s hard to go back to drinking American wine when you lived an hour away from one of the best wineries in Rome.” Elliot pauses to take a sip, reminiscing. Then he turns to Olivia and says, “You would have loved the wine tasting their Liv.”

Olivia sees a spark in his eye as he starts to talk about Italy, lifting her heart. A distant memory drifts into her mind when Elliot last tried to talk about Italy, “You would have loved Rome Liv…” before she cut him off.

Tonight, Olivia leans in closer and says, “Tell me about it.”  

Olivia nods and smiles as he talks, in awe at the beauty of Italy that he’s painting for her. But another part of her mind is replaying the conversation she had with Kathleen and her recent moments with Elliot. I see the way he looks at you…

It’s ludicrous, stupid for her to think that anything could ever happen. She shouldn’t want anything to happen. It took her years to get over Elliot and the heart crushing pain he brought her. Anyway, what they have right now is good, perfect. He’s back in her life, more settled than before. Olivia feels like she has a family. She doesn’t want to gamble that away.

Yet Olivia can’t help but wonder what would happen if she took a chance and risked it. Once again, she replays Kathleen’s words.

I just don’t want you to think that anything is standing in the way. Not from me, or anyone in this family…

…

“Did you see the way they were looking at each other?”

Eli rolls his eyes at his sister. They’re back at his father’s apartment and Elliot insisted that it’s too late for her to drive home, and she spend the night at their guest room. She’s sitting at the end of Eli’s bed as he rummages through his closet, searching for his pyjamas.

“Not this again Kathleen. Did you spend the whole night watching them?”

Kathleen wants to chuck one of his dirty socks at her brother. “Doesn’t this frustrate anyone else? They have feelings for each other but are too scared to act. And even you admitted that Dad’s been better, happier since he’s been seeing Liv more.”

“So what?” Eli asks as he bundles his pyjamas together, turning to face his sister. “Yeah, they might like each other. And I’m glad she’s helped him through his grief. But why do you care so much?”

Kathleen casts him a harden look. “You’re going to college in a couple of years. Aren’t you worried about how Dad might cope without you?”

Eli pauses, he hasn’t considered this before.

Sensing him thinking, Kathleen quickly continues. “I’m not at home anymore, neither is Dickie. When mom was here, it might have been okay, Dad wouldn’t be alone. But when you leave, he won’t have anyone. Aren’t you worried about how he’ll cope?”

Eli’s face darkens as he recalls all the evenings his dad would spend at work, overworking himself to forget about his grief and pain, focused only on finding his mother’s killer. He remembers his exhaustion, irritability, sudden anger outbursts and the long periods he would go without sleep or food. Then he remembers the car crash.

Eli winces at the memories. “Okay, I get your point. But Dad won’t be alone, he knows he can call me, us. He doesn’t need another woman just because mom’s not around anymore.

Kathleen studies her brother for a moment and can see his deep fury. Suddenly, she realises just how hard this must be for him, to see Olivia stepping into their father’s life and possibly taking her mother’s place. He doesn’t know Olivia like they do, he just sees her as another woman.

“It’s not just about Dad finding any partner,” Kathleen says softly, grabbing his attention. She tries to gather the thoughts in her head and sighs softly. “Olivia’s not just his partner, but his best friend. We all considered her to be family. You know she was there with mom during the car crash, the day you were born? She saved her life.”

Eli’s face darkens once more. “Yeah, dad told me.”

“And there were times when mom couldn’t get through to dad, when he was working too late, too caught up in his work…It was Liv she encouraged him to speak to, and Liv who reminded him to come home.”

Eli shakes his head, his frustration growing. “Doesn’t it bother you that dad could be moving on with someone else so soon?”

Kathleen nods slowly, understanding him. “It would if it was anyone else. But this is Liv, and she makes him happy, whole. I think they could both make each other really happy, and I know mom would want that too.”

Eli gives his sister a hard look before sighing. His anger slowly diminishes as he exhales, understanding settling within him. “Didn’t dad leave Olivia though and ignore her since we left New York?”

Kathleen hears his point. “You’re right, and I don’t think they’ve spoken about that yet, properly talked about it…” She lowers her eyes, thinking. “But they like each other, they just need a gentle nudge and the reassurance from us that we wouldn’t discourage their relationship. I’m not saying we do anything extreme,” she quickly adds, seeing the panic in his eyes. “I just know if we can just get them into the same room together to talk things through….”

Eli doesn’t look convinced. “Have you spoken to Maureen about this?”

Kathleen shrugs. “I know I can get her on board. Dickie too. They just want Dad to be happy.” She pauses, looking thoughtful, then casts her brother an eye glinting smile. “So, did you want to hear my plan?”

[gaemkyuu]

Of Kings & Queens (Part 5)

Warnings: none!  A/N: We’re almost to the end! I’ve already finished the entire series, just proof reading the last part but also contemplating if I should change the way it ends... Regardless, hope you enjoy this part!  AU!Prince Charlie Gillespie x Fictional Character Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece! In no way do I claim characters in this piece act this way in real life.

Masterlist *now taking requests ;)

Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4/Part 5/Part 6

Olivia sat in her seat at the small dining table that was arranged for them in the atrium, lost in her thoughts. She wasn’t quite sure what possessed her to request this rendez-vous with Charlie in such a formal manner to her father and it bothered her that she was actually nervous. She had never felt this way before and it made her feel insecure. The desire to rule the Kingdom on her own had always been the forefront of her vision, yet before falling into a restless sleep she could only think about Charlie. Savannah was concerned this morning when she woke Olivia to get her ready for the day, as it looked like Olivia had barely slept. She took a deep breath and gave a big sigh, looking out the glass windows into the beautiful day and listening to the birds chirping.

“Am I interrupting something?” she jumped at the amused voice and immediately Charlie looked apologetic. “I didn’t mean to scare you... You okay?”

“Yeah, I was just thinking about stuff. Hungry?” Olivia had asked the guards and attendants to leave them in peace and that she would call on someone if they were needed. On the table in front of them were dainty pastries, both sweet and savory, along with a pot of tea. She frowned as she forgot to drink her tea and it now sat in its cup lukewarm. 

“Starving. Mind if I move the chair?” she shook her head no and instead of sitting across from her, Charlie now sat beside her. She made the first move by putting one of her favorite pastries on Charlie’s plate and then took one for herself. He poured himself a cup of tea, something Olivia had never seen another man do before. She admired his casualness around him, almost as though there were no formalities. Just two people having a nice breakfast, in the beautiful morning sunlight, enjoying each other’s company. “Guess I made quite the impression on you last night to be summoned to breakfast this morning?”

“I wanted to thank you, actually. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you didn’t follow me out into the garden. Savannah expresses her gratitude too, that’s why she gave us some extra sweets” Olivia couldn’t understand why she felt so excited. She was doing her best to maintain her composure, but she would be lying if she said that she wasn’t fighting the urge to bounce her leg.

“You didn’t need to put this on to thank me, but these strawberry tart are extremely delicious” Olivia giggled as she wiped a crumb off the corner of his mouth, the gesture making him blush. She thought that was extremely cute and she didn’t realize that she was smiling big for him, until he took another bite and smiled back smugly. Her face felt a rush of heat and she cleared her throat awkwardly. “So what’s on your mind?”

“What do you mean?” Charlie chuckled, but accidently inhaled while chewing and choked a bit on the flaky pastry, making Olivia laugh. Charlie sipped on some water and cleared his throat, making sure to dust off any crumbs on him.

“You have a beautiful laugh Princess” she flushed at his compliment and drank her tea hoping to hide her expression. “I mean it. It’s genuine, not snooty at all”

“Olivia is fine, and you’re being nice. I’ve been told I laugh too loudly” Charlie looked at her baffled and confused at the statement.

“What? How are you supposed to laugh, like hihihihihi” his high pitched imitation made her laugh again and he joined in on the laughter this time. They engaged in a ‘who could make the most ridiculous laugh’ battle and by the end of it they were clutching their sides and gasping for air. “You’re too funny”

“My lady?” they didn’t realize that Savannah had knocked on the door, and both of them froze for a moment, thinking their families had caught them being fooling around. “My sincerest apologies for interrupting, but it’s nearly time for his highness to meet with the rest of the Council”

“Thank you Savannah, we shall finish up quickly” Savannah gave her a sad smile, apologetic but duty called. Olivia’s smile faltered as the door closed, remembering that there was an important Council meeting between the Kingdoms of the Nation, but she wasn’t allowed to attend. Charlie noticed this and took her hand in his.

“Don’t let it discourage you Liv. If you could take my place, I’d let you. You’ll be a part of Council decisions one day, they’d be stupid not to let you.” She smiled at the nickname he had given her and at the words of encouragement. As much as she wanted to believe Charlie, she knew that the chances that her presence was requested at the Council meeting was slim. “I really enjoyed our time together... Think we could do this again?”

“When are you leaving?” he paused for a second to think.

“In about three days, but knowing Pat, I’ll be in and out of Nation Affairs meetings. Say the word and I’ll sneak out!” she smiled at his rebelliousness. 

“Then I shall see you later today and tomorrow and the day after that” the smile on his face was huge and he kissed the back of her hand in appreciation. He stood as the doors opened and their guards stepped in to escort them to their respective schedules. Giving her a dashing smile and a formal bow, he winked before leaving her. As he stepped out the doors of the atrium he looked back at her once more and smiled. Savannah noticed the giant smile and blush that crept onto Olivia’s face and gave her a small teasing nudge.

“So we have a contender?” Olivia rolled her eyes at her friend and began walking to their next affair.

***

True to her word, Olivia and Charlie met up several times over the course of three days. Some days they were arranged formally between both families and other times it would be Charlie climbing onto Olivia’s balcony while she was playing the piano. They truly enjoyed each other’s company and sense of humour, and by seeing one another, they were able to breathe comfortably. Much to their displeasure, the three days passed quicker than they wished, and as they walked the Palace gardens the night before Charlie left, a heavy and serious silence hung between them. The Royal Families had dinner together and the two of them kept making glances towards each other, each exchanging a silent conversation. After many exchanges and courses later, Prince Jeremy suggested they go for an evening stroll, and Charlie was quick to catch on. 

Their feet lead them to the same place where they met, the garden’s fountain. Charlie gestured for her to take a seat, which Olivia did and he sat down beside her. Neither said a word, but Olivia rested her head on his shoulder. The physical contact between them had increased, but never amounted to anything more than holding hands or sitting closely to one another. However, anyone could see that these gestures were more than just friendly.

“What will happen when you leave tomorrow?” Olivia dared to start the conversation, knowing that if she left it to Charlie, it probably wouldn’t happen. Charlie shifted uncomfortably for a moment, but not enough to move Olivia’s head off his shoulder.

“I return to the North and you stay here” she scoffed at his plain response, knowing that he was intentionally not answering her question to push her buttons.

“Charlie I’m serious. What is this?” she took her head off his shoulder and angled her body towards him, taking both hands in hers. “I don’t want to jump the gun and make you marry me. That wouldn’t be fair to you or me. We’ve just met” she could see a slight look of hurt cross his eyes and he straightened his spine.

“Have I been misunderstanding our rendez-vous?” Olivia’s eyes widened at the misunderstanding.

“No! No, I mean I really like you, like, like you like you. I just don’t know if this is normal?” Charlie looked confused at her confession. “I don’t know what this is! Like are we a thing? Like do we get married right away or...?” Then it clicked.

“Liv, have you never had a crush before? Or court someone before?” her face became a deep crimson and she avoided eye contact. “So you mean to tell me Princess Olivia has never been on a date prior to her birthday?”

“Well, to be fair I had other priorities. I mean there were people who were interested, I just never had the time of day or interest for them...” She felt shy at the confession, but Charlie’s ego was about to burst. His parents had set him up on multiple dates in hopes that one female would catch his eye and they could officially start a courtship, but it had never gotten past a few one night stands.

“Well, I guess I should ask you then. Where do you want this to go?” Olivia bit her lip, a habit she had when she felt shy to admit something. It drove Charlie wild as he could only imagine how soft her lips would feel against his.

“I mean, I want to keep seeing you and maybe we could talk about getting married, but it kinda feels too soon to talk about it now, y’know?” Charlie chuckled and kissed both of her hands.

“So why don’t we start with courtship? It means that we commit ourselves to each other with marriage in mind, but not so official that our parents can start planning our wedding. We could always call off the courtship if it ever came to that” Charlie didn’t like thinking about the last part in his idea. He already knew that Olivia was a keeper and that to find someone better than her would be impossible, but he didn’t want to force himself onto her given her current situation.

“I would like that very much... We have to tell our families, don’t we?” he nodded and Olivia rolled her eyes, hating that they had to officially let people into their private world. No doubt would she hear about courtship rules from her mother. She gave a big sigh, hating the fact that she couldn’t keep this special thing between the two of them.

“If you sigh any deeper, you might pass out” she elbowed Charlie lightly, as he draped his coat around her, shielding her from the cool breeze of the evening. He pulled her close as she laid her head on his shoulder again, but this time his arm was wrapped around her and he rested his head on top of hers. “Regardless of how much they force themselves to get involved, nothing will change between you and I, Liv”

“I just wish for once that I could keep this to myself. Once we announce our courtship, you know my mom will be on my twenty four seven. Your mom will probably start shopping for wedding bands” He kissed her head softly and held her tightly.

“Then let them Liv. We have our own thing that no one can take away, I promise you.” Olivia moved her head so that she could find reassurance in his eyes. She had come to love the fact that she could read Charlie simply by looking at his eyes. She smiled back at him and nodded her head, accepting his promise. He smiled back and cupped her cheek gently. “Have you ever been kissed?”

“Charlie, I just told you that I turned down every suitor, what makes you think that I-” he stopped her mid-sentence by gently kissing her lips, her eyes fluttering closed. She could see colours exploding behind her closed eyes and as she leaned into the kiss, Charlie took that as a sign to deepen it. Olivia felt scared, nervous, excited and happy. Sure this was all new to her, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that it was right. As Charlie broke the kiss and leaned into her forehead with his, she found herself slightly out of breath. “Wow...”

“You can say that again”

***

The night after their kiss in the garden, they announced their courtship to their families before Charlie and King Patrick returned to the Northern Kingdom. It would take them three days to arrive back to their palace, in which Charlie would write his first letter to Olivia. This started a never ending stream of letters back and forth between the two lovers that would arrive every week. Olivia fell hard for Charlie and Charlie fell hard for Olivia, something their families were pleased with.

Olivia learned that courtship meant that they would continue to get to know each other and work towards the goal of marriage. She also learned that the amount of touching, cuddling and their kiss was not part of courting. According to her mother, acts of intimacy should occur after marriage, something that Olivia noted to be careful of the next time Charlie and her met. After all, the kisses that they exchanged that evening and before they left made Olivia blush instantly. 

It had been 6 months since she had last had the opportunity to have a moment alone with Charlie. They had seen each other at Jeremy’s Coronation and wedding, but they were being watched, so sneaking away was nearly impossible. But that didn’t stop Charlie from climbing into your guest room and stealing a quick kiss and I love you, before jumping off the balcony again. She whispered ‘I love you too’ after him, feeling giddy inside at his confession, but that was the only interaction they were able to have.

It came to a shock that as Olivia was reading in the library, she heard the trumpets sound, notifying the Palace that a Royal guest had arrived. Running to the window, Olivia saw that it was indeed Charlie and she sprinted out of the library to meet him in the throne room, catching Savannah on her way over. She paused before entering the room, letting Savannah fix her up before she presented herself. The servants opened the door at her signal and she gracefully made her way down the throne room. She resisted every urge to run and jump into his arms, but the closer she got she could tell something was heavily burdening him.

“Princess, thank you for joining us so promptly. Prince Charles has asked to see you and speak with you privately.” the King gave her a knowing look, hinting at what was about to happen, in which Olivia would be happy about, but she knew Charlie well enough at this point to notice his demeanour was different. He seemed tense and avoided her eyes, knowing that if he let her see them, she would know something is wrong. 

“It would be an honour, your Majesty.” She gave a polite curtsy to her father and Charlie. “Prince Charles, if it suits you, would you like to accompany me to the library parlour?” he nodded, the silence remaining, but he followed her lead out of the throne room. They walked the halls silently and Olivia began to worry. Something was definitely bothering him, as by now he would’ve made a quip or remark. As they arrived to their destination she dismissed the servants and guards requesting a moment of privacy with the Prince, but as soon as the door shut, Charlie’s lips were on hers, desperate. She reciprocated the kiss by holding his face, but she also broke it searching his eyes for answers. “Tell me what’s wrong”

Charlie avoided her eyes and walked away from her, pacing the parlour as she took a seat in the red leather chaise, patting a spot next to her for him. He paced around the room a few moments more, running his hands through his hair, but Olivia sat patiently, waiting for him. Finally, he plopped down next to her, head in his hands. She rubbed his back in hopes that she could offer some sort of comfort.

“Marry me.”

The statement came out a shock to Olivia. She knew her feelings were true and that she would gladly say yes, but the way he was acting made it seemed forced and unsure. Charlie saw the hesitation and confusion on her face and sighed.

“Patrick said that if I don’t propose and marry you soon, I’ll be arranged to marry someone else.” She now understood the anxiety and panic in his body language, but she couldn’t help but ask questions.

“To who?” Charlie groaned in frustration, standing up and pacing again.

“Some chick from a foreign Nation that our Nation wants to do trade with. They want some sort of way to seal the deal and Patrick offered me.” his voice became more frantic as he explained the situation.

“Is she beautiful?” Olivia knew it was a stupid question, but her insecurity got the best of her. The question did cause Charlie to stop pacing and kneel before her.

“What does it matter Liv? I love you! I can’t marry someone else” She saw the love for her in his eyes, but she also saw desperation and fear.

“You’re asking me to marry you, but you don’t seem quite happy about it... What else are you keeping from me?” the question came out quiet, but as she finished it was as though time had stopped and completely silenced itself for them.

“The wedding has to be in a month's time, meaning I will be crowned in two weeks, if you accept” Charlie knew what this meant. This marriage would solidify Olivia’s place as Queen and not King. She felt a lump in her throat which she tried to swallow but wouldn’t go away. 

During their written exchanges, Olivia would update Charlie on her situation of trying to convince her parents to consider going against tradition and Charlie would give her ideas on new ways to convince them. In their exchanges, Charlie had suggested ruling as a united couple, where King and Queen were equal in the Council. He had suggested the idea as he knew King Jeremy and Queen Carolynn would support the decision. In addition, King Owen would agree to it. It felt as though Olivia was close to convincing them, but this marriage would seal the deal on all the hard work she had put in to convincing them. If she accepted his proposal now, she would marry right away and forfeit any chances of her becoming King. If she declined his proposal, she would have a higher chance at becoming King, but in return she would forfeit Charlie to another woman in a foreign nation.

“If I say yes to this, I will solidify everything that my mother wanted for me. I give up every hope and dream I had of becoming King.” she knew she should be happy that she would be married to Charlie, but she couldn’t help but feel trapped, like she had no say in the situation other than yes or no.

“This isn’t how I wanted this to go, believe me. But I can’t marry someone I don’t love Liv. I can’t marry someone that isn’t you” Charlie hated that he was asking this of her. “I know what I’m asking from you isn’t fair, and if I could do this any other way I would, but I’ve run out of time Liv.” Tears that had welled up in her eyes finally spilled over, and she felt awful. “Talk to me, love. It’s just you and me.”

“I hate that everything is always being decided for me... I love you, I do and I should be happy that you’re asking me to marry you, but you’re not asking me, you’re being forced to.” she sniffled as he wiped a tear from her face. “I hate that people who aren’t us are making us live our lives in ways that they see fit, completely disregarding you and me...” her voice trembled as she tried to maintain her composure. “I know that in due time you would’ve asked me to marry you and I would gladly accept, but it should’ve been when we were ready. When I had finally convinced my parents that we would rule over the land equally... but what choice do we have now?”

Charlie moved to sit beside her and held her in his arms. She cried into his shoulder at how unfair things felt in the moment. He said nothing, knowing that there wasn’t anything that could be said to remedy the situation. Finally, Charlie pulled away from Olivia and held her face in his hands.

“Olivia, I love you. You don’t have to say yes.” Olivia cried harder as he said this, knowing very well that Charlie would let her walk away and marry someone else so that she could live out her dream. She knew deep down that if she let Charlie go, she would regret it forever. For the first time, there was something that outweighed her desire of becoming King, and that something was Charlie. Through her soft sobs, she nodded her head and stuttered her answer. “Liv?”

“Yes, Charlie. I will marry you”

tag list:  @ifilwtmfc @warmness0ul @starjane312

[secretly-a-cold-blooded-murderer]

Is this Love? (Harry Styles x Reader)

A/N: I am a sucker for best friends to lovers trope, hope you are as well. Enjoy!

Summary: You question the kind of love you have for your best friend.

“Everything needs to be perfect, sir or you can kindly shove it all up your ass,” you paced around the room while chewing on your nails.

“Woah, calm down lady tiger,” your friend Olivia entered your room as you got off your phone after your very intense call.

“It’s just, this is Harry’s important day and everything needs to be perfect,” you sighed, “but these idiots cannot handle the simplest of instructions.” You finally sat down on your bed, your teeth still chewing the top of your nails.

“So I figured. Look, whatever you plan for Harry will be perfect, hell, don’t plan anything for him and he’ll still be happy. All he wants is just for you to be there,” your friend sat down next to you and put her hand on your shoulder, “Now take a deep breath and rest for a minute, you still have two days until D-day.”

“Hey, How’s it going?” Harry questioned as he wrapped his arms around you, bringing you closer to him in a hug.

“Really good. What about you? Excited for your birthday?” Your voice came out muffled, with your mouth still pressed into his shoulder.

“Hmm, not much excited about this year really. It just seems so uneventful. You feel me?” He slightly tilted his head to the side and looked at you for an answer as you separated yourself from him.

“It’s your birthday, that is an event.” You shrugged and slowly moved your hand across his chest, “But I do feel you,” you turned your lips upwards into a smile as Harry started to chuckle mumbling a lame to you.

Looking up at his smiling face, you felt your heart pump out blood faster than before. His eyes almost sparkled when he was laughing and yours could only stare at him.

He then asked about your day at the office, which made you let out a long groan and started you off on a rant, complaining about your boss and office politics.

You turned in your bed for the fiftieth time. This time, you laid on your front with your head buried in your pillow. Eventually, you gave up on sleeping and instead started thinking about the upcoming birthday party of your best friend.

Your lips immediately curled up. Harry had been your friend for almost two years now and you couldn’t imagine what had been your life before him. Ever since you both met, you had been inseparable.

There had been times when he was dating someone, or you were in a relationship. But those relationships never seemed to last very long. At the end of the day, it would only be you two. You liked things this way- Harry and you against the world.

Fans did speculate about you two being together, but they were only rumours. Harry was just your best friend and you preferred it this way.

This had not been the first night where you had trouble sleeping. In fact for a while now, you were barely getting any sleep. You would keep turning around in bed for hours and sleep would still not find you.

Harry usually helped in these situations. He went to sleep very late every day and that allowed you to text him when you had trouble falling asleep. But you figured you didn’t want to worry him, so, most nights you kept to yourself.

Lately, you just used this time to plan for Harry’s birthday or to think about your conversations with him. He had been in your mind a lot these days, but then again he was a recurring subject of your thoughts.

“Y/n, wake up girl,” Olivia leaned sideways from her desk, which was placed directly next to yours, to shake you.

You rose up from your sleep, startled, and looked around hoping no one saw you slacking off at work. You were one of the best employees in your office and you didn’t want to tarnish that reputation.

“Oh God, I am so sorry Liv. I can’t believe I fell asleep at work. This was so irresponsible of me.” You shook your head, disappointed in yourself.

Olivia gave you a pointed look, “were you busy planning for Harry’s party still?”

Your eyes widened a little, you felt as if you were caught red-handed stealing, “What if I was? Why is that a big deal?”

“When have you ever spent weeks planning a party for me?” She looked at you, her eyes filled with mirth, a knowing smile on her face.

Silence fell upon you as you got busy thinking about Olivia’s last birthday and the ones before that. Her nails tapping against her desk providing the only noise between you two.

“I thought so,” her eyebrows were almost raised up to her hairline and her lips tightly pressed against each other, holding in a laugh.

“What are you implying? So what if I stress about Harry’s birthdays?” You were genuinely confused with Olivia’s still amused expression.

“Oh you sweet, innocent baby, you are in love.”

You decided to walk back home instead of taking a cab, you clearly had a lot to think about.

People passing by you on the street must have thought you were crazy; wide eyes, visibly shaking, muttering unintelligible sentences.

Your eyes fell upon a bench in the park you walked past and you made your way there.

“Can’t be possible”, “She must be pranking me”, “Do I love him?” “What even is love?” were some of the things you remembered thinking.

You took a deep breath and continued your journey home when you had gained back some of your bearings.

You felt a light touch on your leg, you jumped to the side in fear of a small animal or a large insect, but looking down, it was just the flowers growing on the sidewalk. You turned around and realised the whole street was lined by an army of colourful flowers. You were so caught up in your head, you almost missed this pretty site. You were now more aware of your surroundings.

Flowers on the sidewalk were not an uncommon sight, but there was something much more beautiful about them today than you had ever noticed. You sensed a giddiness building inside you, your face eased into a smile and you continued your way back home.

Your comforter immediately warmed you up, a sigh of comfort left your mouth and you settled deeper into your couch.

A ping from your phone pulled you out of the film you were watching on Netflix.

“Ok you can now tell me what you’ve got me for my b’ day, I won’t tell anyone.” 

You could almost swear your heart skipped a beat. Shaking your head you replied, “It’s for you dumbass.”

“Exactly, so can you tell me what it is? Please, I can’t take it anymore.”

“H, you do this every year, and every year you find out at your birthday. It’s just a day away. You can wait.”

You waited for a response but you didn’t get any.

Five minutes later Harry replied with an angry face emoji. Drama queen.

That night again instead of sleep, you got Harry, well, thoughts of Harry. You were kind of getting worried about yourself. You didn’t care before, your thoughts were always somehow about your best friend. But, after today’s events, you started wondering may be constantly thinking about one person was not normal.

Your entire timeline as Harry’s friend was being played in your head like a film. The first time you bumped into each other, your first outing together, the first time you called him your ‘best friend’, your first fight, the reconciliation after.

The first time he slept over at your place, you shared a bed. The times you cuddled when you kissed his cheek, and he kissed your forehead. How much of this was normal for friends? The hugs were way too long to be considered platonic. But didn’t every person feel their heart rush in the presence of their friend? You shook your head, no that couldn’t be right.

Between all of the thoughts thrashing around in your head, you didn’t know when you fell asleep.

The next morning you woke up with two realisations: one, you were in love with your best friend. Two, you didn’t buy the said best friend a birthday gift.

Harry found early on in your friendship that you were a great gift giver. Ever since then, the one thing he looked forward to for his birthday every year was your gift. And you had never disappointed him, that was until now.

Even among the entire party planning, how could you forget the one thing that your best friend wanted the most? He wouldn’t give two cents about the party, but the gift was a big deal. You almost wanted to cry.

You knew you were panicking way more than you should have. But this was Harry and you didn’t want to see the smile disappearing from his face when you told him that you forgot his gift. The thought of Harry getting upset, and that too because of you was not something you were strong enough to deal with.

You got dressed in appropriate clothes and went out for a walk, you figured maybe that would help clear your head.

Your feet led you to the same street where you saw the flowers yesterday. The various flowers still lining the pavement brought a sense of warmth to you. You didn’t even know why, but this flower army had already made a place in your heart.

It was still early in the morning and the birds were all chirping. For a moment it seemed, only you and the birds were awake.

You found a new sense of appreciation for nature and all its beauty.

Lifting your head upwards, you noticed the sky looked bluer than you had ever seen it. It looked happy, alive even.

With the sky’s perceived joy in mind, you went back to your apartment, an idea forming in your brain. Thank god it was a Saturday.

It was finally Harry’s birthday. You were at the venue, looking over for any last-minute issues. There seemed to be none, thankfully.

The invited guests started arriving shortly. You had gotten used to Harry’s circle of friends which included the likes of James Corden, Ed Sheeran, and even Adele.

Harry was walking around greeting everyone and making sure they were having a good time. You caught his eye from across the room and he raised his index finger, gesturing for you to wait for him a minute. You nodded in reply.

Olivia joined your side, “So, what are you going to do about it?”

“About what?”

“About your undying love for Harry, of course,” your friend remarked most casually.

You made sure no one heard her, “Jeez, could you maybe be a little more considerate about my feelings?”

Olivia didn’t reply, too busy making lovesick faces at the hors d'oeuvres being served.

“Go, just go,” You sighed, defeated, as your friend ran towards the table holding all the food.

“Hey,” you turned around in surprise but relaxed once you saw it was Harry, “the party is really cool, thank you Y/n”.

“You know it’s not a problem H, Happy birthday,” you swallowed heavily, concentrating on keeping yourself calm. You brought your hands towards the front of his lilac coat, fixing it a little, “You look good.”  

He gave you the trademark Harry Styles smile. Your eyes focused on his left dimple and you suddenly had an urge to hold his cheek in your palm. But you refrained, that was definitely not normal.

“Where’s the gift Y/n?” He was desperate now, almost to the point of whining. You smiled at the thought of Harry throwing a tantrum for you to give him his gift.

“Patience, my child,” you tapped his cheek lightly. Someone called your name from afar and you left Harry to help out the person calling you.

It was now late into the night, with only a few close friends remaining at the venue. Everyone was heavily drunk and dancing to the music played by the equally drunk DJ.

You hadn’t talked to Harry after you left him. You were busy the entire night interacting with Harry’s guests. It was after several hours that you finally got to sit down and rest your high heel clad feet.

You heard Harry calling your name, you searched for his voice only to find him standing in the middle of the dance floor. He brought both his hands forward in your direction as if a child asking to be picked up. “Dance with me,” he mouthed.

You, although, were more tired than you had ever felt, couldn’t say no. So, you joined him on the floor with a smile gracing your lips.

He snaked his hand around your waist and pressed you against himself and offered his other hand for you to hold. You both gently swayed to the music, even though the song being played was much more fast-paced.

This was Harry and you in your natural habitat, pretty much aloof from the outside world. Only this time, you finally understood the subtext.

Your eyes stared deep into his forest green ones. His eyes were like a drug and you were addicted to their high.

He detached his hand from yours and placed it on your waist along with his other one, pulling you into more of a hug, rather than a dancing position. You moved your hands onto the back of his neck and settled your head on his shoulder.

You closed your eyes, “I hate you so much”.

“Why?” His question was a whisper, not wanting to further break the now broken silence between you.

“You have taken over my life, I can’t eat, breathe or sleep without thoughts of you bursting into my head. I haven’t slept properly in two weeks.”

“Two weeks huh,” you slowly nod your head against his shoulder.

He moved his head back a little to observe your face, a few tears collecting just below your eyes, “I love you too.”

You shook slightly in silent laughter, “I love you.”

“Now, where’s my gift?”

You gestured your head towards a big jar placed on a side table, decorated with pink ribbons on the outside and filled with small, coloured paper rolls up to the brim.

“A hand-written note for every day I have loved you,” you explained after noticing his confused face.

He nodded in understanding, “Has anyone ever told you that you give the best presents, girlfriend?”

You shook your head, laughing, “I refuse to let you call me that, too cheesy.”

"Don't worry, I'll slowly wear you down, girlfriend."

He captured your lips into a searing kiss before you could utter out any insult, and you let him.

[adarafaelbarba]

Hi! May I please have a one shot with sonny (svu) x reader? Reader forgets to eat and gets super dizzy and that's it ! Thanks 🌈✨

Pairing: Sonny Carisi x reader

Fandom: Law and Order SVU

Requested: Yes (and no)

Request: «Hi! May I please have a one shot with sonny (svu) x reader? Reader forgets to eat and gets super dizzy and that's it ! Thanks 🌈✨» - @ theichabbieclub

A/N: Last fall I started feeling super dizzy at work. Whenever I turned my head, or leant my head backwards to look up. It was worse than I was used too (I’ve always had a low iron level in my blood, so I have to take supplements for that). It took about a week (and my boss/colleagues telling me) to get me to get a doctors appointment. It turned out I got something called benign vertigo, which isn’t dangerous. It just means the crystal like particles in your ears that tells your brain where you’re turning your head (and in general helps you keep your balance) have come loose and you’ve got to do some exercises to get them to hopefully attach again (this could take from one month to a year or more). So I started writing this little fic a while back, never finished, until I got this request and I felt like it would kinda fit with the unfinished fic 🥰 Hope y’all like it ❤️ -Karen

“(Y/L/N)! Do you have a moment?” Sonny asked as I stood discussing the case with Fin. “Uh, yeah sure, what’s—.” I started before feeling overwhelmingly dizzy. “Hey! You okay?” He asked, catching me as I fell forward, catching the attention of everyone in the bullpen. Not trusting my voice I nodded.

“What happened?” Olivia asked, walking too us. “I don’t know Lieu, one second she was standing up, the next she almost passed out”, Sonny explained, still holding me. “(Y/L/N), what’s going on?” She asked, looking to me. “I’m probably just tired and dehydrated. I’ll be fine,” I said, sitting back down to work. “Go home (Y/L/N). That’s an order.” Looking up at Liv I was about to fight it when she just gave me a stern look. “Fine.”

Grabbing my things I make quick way to the elevator. When I look back at it, I probably went too quick.

I didn’t really know where I was when I woke up, but there were loads of people standing over me when I came too it.

«Detective (Y/L/N)! Are you alright ma’am?!» someone asked as they stood over me. Sitting up slowly I looked around me. The lobby. «Uh, what happened?» I asked, my voice shaking as I breathed in. «Someone found you laying on the floor in the elevator and got you out here», the man said. «Ambulance is on the way», he added. «That’s not necessary sir!» I tried, but he held a hand up.

«(Y/N)! What the heck happened?!» Amanda asked, running over. «I must have gotten up too fast. I’m amazed I even made it to the elevator.» I shrugged, sitting up. «I’m taking you to the hospital to get you checked, and that’s not up for debate!» groaning at her antics I was about to argue with her when the guy from earlier butted in to say there were already an ambulance on the way. «No need, I’ll take her myself!» a few back and forth’s with them and the man gave in, calling to cancel the bus.

«Amanda!» I groaned, but she wouldn’t have any of it.

Getting to the emergency room I was taken straight to see a doctor.

“Alright ladies. What seems to be the problem?” He asked, looking at us. “My friend here is struggling a bit with dizziness, and today she passed out in the elevator at work”, Amanda explained. “Oh my”, the doctor said, looking from Amanda to me. “There are a handful of things that could have caused this, but I think it might be vertigo. It isn’t harmful, it just means your balance is off.” he went on explaining as he printed out a stack of papers.

“Now if you could sit down at the bench there Ms. (Y/L/N), I’ll run some tests before doing a blood test”, he said, motioning to the bench in front of us.

…

Standing back up when we finished off I could feel myself growing tired, and nauseous. “Is the nausea normal?” I asked, looking at the doctor. “It is. Vertigo basically makes you feel like you’re really drunk or like you’re on a boat. It sometimes gets easier with time, but I suggest getting some rest, drink a lot of water, do some of the exercises on the paper there», the doctor said, motioning to the exercises he was talking about. «Alright then I just want to take a quick blood test, and then you’re free to leave», he said, taking out the needle.

…

two days later I was back to work.

«(Y/N), hey, how are you feeling?» Sonny asked, looking over to me as I walked into the precinct. «I’m okay», I replied, smiling at him before sitting down at my desk. «Yeah? Here. I got you coffee», he said, handing me the cup of steaming beverage. «Thank you Carisi. That’s so nice of you», I said.

Work took my mind of the dizziness for the most part. That was until I got up to hand something to Amanda when I felt myself getting lightheaded again.

«Whoa! Easy there doll!» Sonny grabbed me before I fell. «If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were falling for me», he said, chuckling. «Keep dreaming prince charming!» I laughed, straightening myself up before patting his cheek.

«Seriously though. What did the doctor say?» he asked, keeping his eyes on me. «I’ve got something called benign vertigo. It’s not dangerous, or contagious, it’s just, I’m off balance. My brain thinks left when I’m actually turning right, so it feels like I’m on a boat», I said, looking from his ocean blue eyes down to the white coffee lid. «Or … you remember PO Thomasson’s birthday party two years ago? When we both drank more than we should have, and had a hard time standing straight?» he nodded at this. «It feels like that.»

«(Y/L/N)! Catch!» Amanda called, passing a water bottle over. «Rollins!» I groaned, thanking Sonny for catching it. «Remember what the doc said. Hydrate!» Nodding my head I set the coffee down before taking a big sip of the ice cold water.

I caught Sonny giving me a sympathetic look as I capped the water bottle again. «What?» I asked, looking at him. «Nothing, I just, I’m sorry this happened to you. And also, I’m your partner, I should be the one looking after you», he said, hanging his head in shame.

«Don’t be like that Carisi. Only reason Rollins knows all this is because she’s the one that took me to the hospital, and she was in the room when the doctor checked me», you reasoned. «Still, (Y/L/N), I should be looking after you. And I will, starting now», he said. «You really don’t have to Carisi.» But he wouldn’t budge.

…

He had done his homework apparently, reading up on the vertigo. «Hey Lieu! I need to take this phone call. I’ll be back!» you called out for Liv while carefully getting out of your chair and making your way to the break room.

«Dr. Edward, you got my bloodwork result?» you asked, trying not to let your nerves eat you up. «Yeah, your iron level was low, not dangerously low, but the level was low enough to make you dizzy. So I want to start taking iron supplements as soon as possible», he explained. «Thanks Doc, I’ll get them right after work.» You thanked him again and said goodbye before hanging up.

«Detective (Y/L/N)? Can I talk with you in my office?» Liv asked, looking at you. «Yeah, of course, what’s going on?» you asked. «Let’s talk in my office», she repeated herself.

Entering Liv’s office, you awkwardly sat down on the chair in front of her desk, waiting for her to start talking. «Are you okay?» she asked, sitting opposite you. «Yeah. I feel fine. I’ve taken time to rest. I’m eating more and I’m cutting back on coffee», you said. She didn’t seem at all convinced. «You still sway, like you’re about to fall, and you’re more cautious when getting up. If the dizziness don’t subside, I’m gonna have to put you on desk duty», Liv stated.

«Desk duty?! Lieu, with all due respect, I got it under control!» you exclaimed. She shook her head at this. «Until you get me a note from your doctor saying your fit to go out in the field, I’m keeping you on desk duty detective (Y/L/N), and that’s final.»

You exited her office in a huff and stormed off to the locker room, not caring who saw you.

«Hey, what happened?» Sonny asked, having followed you. «I’m apparently not fit to be in the field», you murmured, punching you locker door. «Oh?» he sounded surprised. «Yeah.» sitting down on the bench you leant your head back, immediately regretting it. «I’m on desk duty until further notice», you groaned.

…

You had nothing against cops liking or even wanting to be on desk duty. But it was not for you. You were an active person, an adventure seeking person, not someone who would do well being confined to a desk for the whole work day.

If you had someone to come home to at night it would be somewhat bearable, seeing as you got somewhat normal hours. But you lived alone, you were single, who would want to date someone with an irregular work schedule? The hours you got at home were spent laying on the couch and staring at the celling while the tv played in the background.

…

Four weeks into it all Sonny walked straight over to you after coming back from the DA’s office. «Come on, let’s go», he murmured. «Where are we going?» you asked, getting up so you didn’t have to crane your neck too much. «Lunch.» His smile was so infectious you couldn’t help but return it. «Lead the way Carisi.»

You found yourself sitting opposite each other in a cute little diner a couple of blocks down from the precinct. «What’s the occasion?» you asked, sipping on the lemonade you had gotten. «It’s a little pick me up, because I know you don’t like being on desk duty.» That made you smile. «Thank you Carisi», you said, your smile seemingly permanent on your face.

«Could you drop me off at home? I got to get something before going back to work», you asked Sonny after he had paid for lunch. «Yeah of course. I can wait while you grab it, so you don’t have to make your own way back», he suggested. «Then at least come up and wait. I can make you coffee to go.» Sonny nodded at this.

«Make yourself comfortable, I won’t be long», you murmured, going to your office to grab what you needed while leaving Sonny in the living room.

By the time you got back out to the living room, he was stood there holding two disposable cups. «I made coffee while I waited», he said, giving you a shy smile. «Thank you», you responded, blushing.

Taking the coffees from him you quickly put them down on the breakfast island. «Thank you Sonny. For helping me get my mind of the current situation. You’re an awesome partner», you said, hugging him tightly. «Oh, of course (Y/N). Anything to see you smile.» Looking up at him you couldn’t help but smile wide. He was literally the sweetest man in the world.

«We should head back to work before Liv starts calling us», Sonny murmured, turning to grab the coffee. «Yeah, hold on.» You had no idea what got over you, but you got a sudden urge to grab his face and pull him down to you. So you did, meeting him halfway to kiss him softly on the lips.

It felt like a mistake as soon as you kissed him, his lips almost frozen still against yours. «I’m so sorry Sonny! I don’t know what came over me», you gasped, pulling away. «I read the signals all wrong! Shit, I’m an idiot! Please let’s just forget this even happened», you rambled on, not even looking at him.

«Can you shut up for a second and stop pacing so I can speak?» he murmured, effectively stopping you in your track. Looking up at your partner you waited whilst nervously biting on your lower lip. «Sorry», you whispered. «I’m not», he replied, pulling you back in for a searing kiss.

There was one thing you were sure about, you never wanted to stop kissing Sonny. His lips moulded so well with yours as you both stood there in each others embrace. You let out a small moan at how good it made you feel, and Sonny took the chance to slip his tongue into your open mouth. Fuck, does this man know how to make out! you thought to yourself, your hands going into his hair.

When you reluctantly pulled away, you were both out of breath. «That was—wow. I’ve wanted to do that for the longest time», he murmured, caressing your cheek as you both stood there. «Yeah, me too», you confessed, smiling up at him.

«Shit. Yeah we really have to go. Let’s continue this later though.» Nodding at him you both grabbed your coffee and ran out the door.

Maybe being on desk duty wasn’t so bad after all?

Taglist: @thatesqcrush @beccabarba @itsjustmyfantasyroom @detective-giggles @sweetcannolicarisi

[werezmastarbucks]

portland

honeymoon masterlist

word count: 2731

music: silently by axel flovent, tear in my heart by twenty one pilots

You got tired of driving at around two in the morning. Somehow Kennewick did not satisfy neither of you in terms of sleeping. Perhaps it was the road, nervousness of traveling, and Kai’s indifference about the current situation you got stuck in, but as soon as he snuggled against you at eleven o’clock, you felt all the sleep has escaped you like a butterfly that leaps away. He was already deep in sleep, when you decided you wanted to drive at night, and Parker was sorely unhappy about getting out of bed. While you still had moral high ground as leverage on him, while it worked, you elected to use it. Then, a couple of hours later, the tiredness returned in full swing, and you stopped in the middle of the highway (the liberating truth was that you could now stop at any point while driving, without even thinking) and made him switch seats with you. 

The portable loudspeaker he had manufactured out of a big boombox was incredibly loud and workable, and you prepped it just below the windshield. As you drifted into sleep you were thinking about how practically useful this boy can actually be, and how underrated his skills were back in the real world. Even without magic he was extremely handy. He was an amazing cook, he was insanely masterful with electronics, he was more savvy about the internet than you, the child of the web world...

You woke up because he whispered right into your ear, the most gentle order you’ve ever received in your life,

“Wake up now”.

Your neck ached, crooked unnaturally, but, as you opened your eyes, you saw what he woke you up for. Kai seemed relatively unaffected, probably having seen this a million of times; perhaps there was already an alarm clock in his head going off when it was the time for sunset. It was a first for you, though. You were already in Portland, and the car was lazily crawling along the street as the sleepy houses passed you by. Bright pink and raspberry was blooming in the sky indicating the new day, again. The light was so intense that, when you caught the reflection of yourself in the rearview mirror, you saw the shade of red on your own face. Your eyes looked sleepy and foggy. 

“Are we there yet?”

“Yeah. Are you hungry? It’s almost time for breakfast”.

You looked at the electronic wristwatch you nicked from an Epson store. It was a real nineties neat cute wrist watch, and it had lighting button which drove you insane. 

“It’s not even five yet. You’re always hungry”.

“I’ve been driving for nearly three hours. It’s draining. You fell asleep in my car, I drove the whole time, but that’s okay, I’ll just avoid the holes, so you sleep fine”, he declared. You couldn’t hold back a chuckle. He gestured towards the speaker.

“That was a good song”.

“It’s my car”, you argued benevolently, feeling very kind after three hours’ sleep. Due to the fact that Kai has been decent enough to just drive the car without waking you up. And the fact he even turned down the music a little.

“I stole it”.

“You didn’t steal it. It had no owner”, Kai replied. 

He stopped the car in a romantic gesture, and you two drowned in the morning silence, ever quieter than it even was before. The wind lay still, and no bugs buzzed in the grass. You left the car just to be in the moment, to step on the ground and feel its matter, and raised your face to the sky. This was all for you and you only, and that was the first time you asked yourself,

why do they even consider this torture?

The Parker house turned out to be more like a palace. Your head swung back and forth comparing Kai with the wedding cake looking family dwelling, trying to picture him on the porch. There was a traditional old oak that yearned swings, and the big lawn, greener than that of the Salvatore’s possession. There was whiteness of the façade and the depth of the invisible basement.

Soon Kai crawled up the stairs, and sighed, in the yellowish glow of the waking skies. 

“Welcome back home”, he murmured. You tried reading his face to see if it’s hard for him, but then reminded yourself he’s been here already, probably many times.

He’s been suspiciously tolerable these first days, you thought to yourself quietly as you wandered wordless through the living room. The first red flag fluttered in your mind when you threw a look at the banisters of the stairs leading up, and saw two ropes tied to them; they hung down, empty, with loops, like dead cat tails.

“Kai, why is it here?” you asked. The boy was already head first into the fridge in the kitchen.

He walked back to you, and sighed knowingly.

“Oh, yes. They kept the house as I left it at night. As a reminder. Go up the stairs, there’s still blood on the walls, and everything. Let’s go”.

He suddenly grabbed your hand with determination, and you sensed, on the run, like he needed to hold it. Not to guide you. You ran up the stairs, and you threw a quick look at the living room, amazed at the normality of it. One would think Malachai Parker’s house would look horrific, but his tragedy was very American. Pretty cover, bloody insides. The living room had two big couches (big family, it used to be), a very curious L shaped coffee table, and a fireplace. On the shelf above, there was a neat row of photographs of the family: everyone but Malachai, of course. They wished to forget he existed, for one reason or another. Kai’s hand led you on and you went into the long, spacious wooden hall of the second floor out of three: the blood on the walls was fresh, it glistened in the first cloud light. The patterns were thick and wide, like Kai’s been deliberately pouring it around; on the floor, there was a faint trace of his bloodied steps and something else, like he was dragging... a baseball bat? with him.

You tried not to step on the blood. The little window at the end of the hall was covered with a curtain, so it was bleak. 

“Here”, he said enthusiastically. It was obvious Kai has been psyched that someone would share the whole thing with him. No matter what part of prison it was: whether the beautiful sunrises of Washington, or the evidence of the massacre he conducted in his own house.

“Wow, whose room was it?”

“The twins. Luke and Liv”, he pushed the door to let you in. The bed was turned on the side, and there was a puddle of blood under it. The wardrobe was thrashed. 

“This is where I stabbed Jo. She hid them from me with the cloaking spell. I made her talk...” Kai muttered. His eyes were opaque, and he was focused on the memory. His sight shifted under the window.

“The-ere it is”, the witch stepped to the dark spot and picked up the bat, wrapping his fingers around the handle. There was blood on the tip of it. He swung the bat in the air in a motion that made you understand he could be a baseball star. Could have been. 

“And the banisters? Who was there?”

“I hung Ashley and Sam”, he said, putting the bat back against the wall. You observed the room. His siblings, they all had names. Ashley, Sam... those who made it to the future, the twins and his own personal enemy, Josette, felt more real because you have met them. You were there when Kai merged with Luke, you witnessed his death. But to think that some of the Parkers were left in the ninety-four, hung down from the stairs, and they were children who had names... Ashley and Sam. You didn’t even know whether Sam was a boy or a girl. You asked him.

“They were best friends, Sam and Ash. Samantha was two years older than Ashley, and she was so uptight I think somebody would have killed her one way or another. She was unbearable. So bitter she didn’t have a twin, she told everybody Ashley was her age, and that they were twins, although everyone in the coven knew they weren’t”.

“She was just a child, Kai. She wanted to be a part of this important thing, too”, you shrugged.

“Yeah, so did I. You wanna see my parents’ bedroom?”

He probably saw it in your eyes that you were slowly growing anxious about the whole murder night replay. 

“What did you do to your mom?”

“I stabbed her in the throat. She had to go first, she was a very powerful witch”, Kai said quietly, watching you closely. He was cruel in a way, leading you deeper into the bleak reality of his, trying you, curious as to how much you can take. 

“I made a mistake with dad. Should’ve stabbed him, too, but I thought I’d be untrivial, and I poisoned him. Which obviously backfired right into my face”.

Kai put his hand through his dark hair, and you realized his eyes are glowing nervously.

“What made you snap?”

“When our birthdays were coming up, I realized they’d never let us merge. Even Jo herself didn’t want it. Just so you understand, merging and even dying, as a Gemini twin, is the biggest event of your life. Even if you lose, you’re not gone. You live through your twin. You give them your power”.

You weren’t saying anything. He went on,

“You think I’m inherently evil?” there wasn’t a trace of indignation in his voice; just sheer curiosity. He never had a chance to ask that anybody. He never had this conversation. He just didn’t know at all. “They always told me I was”.

“There’s no such thing as evil, Kai. It’s a tale created for kids, to make them afraid of giving in to their instincts. There’s only pain and its consequences”.

You looked away not to seem too invested. You wondered how one can let a fellow human go on for nearly fifty years with such a grave misconception about themselves; how one can allow such violence upon their own child. Violence and negligence so intense it makes them act out so aggressively, so loudly. Every single blood stain, every broken wooden thing, every swing of a bat in the hands of now twenty-two year old Malachai, was a cry, not a roar of evil deed. He was so disfigured. He was so wounded he had to inflict pain on others to be heard. And yet they didn’t hear anything except their own screams. 

You wanted to ask him the same question, am I bad for liking you so much? But you knew he had no answer. Kai was very knowledgeable about many things; he understood many things you didn’t, but he knew nothing about the philosophy of morale. He had no deep feelings, he had no deep core in him. It was burnt clean long time ago. 

Am I evil for not feeling sorry for the kids you hung from the banisters? 

Am I bad for rooting for you when you were merging with Luke?

Am I bad for siding with you against my oldest friends?

Am I bad for being the only one who gave you the benefit of the doubt, just for the sake of being the only one?

After all, it takes just one person to keep someone from breaking. But when Malachai finally killed his family, when he reached the breaking point to never be innocent again, you were still a month away from being born. 

“Take the books outside”, you asked him.

Kai looked up from the table. He was reading diligently, not skipping pages, and watching him got tedious after three hours. While he was on it, you trod through the front and back yard; made sandwiches; studied the pictures of the kids; sneaked into the basement and got horrified at the sight of Kai’s ‘room’ there. 

(Yeah, it became my room for a while, he yapped from the kitchen. He laughed at your eyes, widened in horror, yeah, it was real pain. They kept me there when they had people over... pretended I don’t exist)

His real room used to be upstairs, underneath the roof, but it became Jo’s space eventually, and there was no trace of Malachai there. It was sad how there were so very few signs of the oldest child in the house. No posters, no shoes at the door, no jackets, no used tissues, no sports awards. No clothes, no mess, no boy things, no magazines, no CDs, no skateboard. There was a TV in the basement, and a bed, a nightstand, and a couple of comic books in the drawers of it, and you felt there was a huge chunk of Kai missing, as if they had got rid of all the things reminding of him, as if it was him who died. 

“Take the books outside”.

“Why?”

“I’m tired. I want to sleep. Let’s go into the city, find a hotel or a big house, and you can read there”.

Kai looked around as if saying, isn’t it the house enough?

You didn’t know how to explain to him that staying in this place was terrible. Kai clearly missed this place although you didn’t know what he was holding on to. The family he missed was clearly an illusion. He craved the real bond, the concept of loving community, not the actual Parker people. 

“I want to burn down this house”.

He tilted his head and his mouth twitched. 

“Have you ever done it?”

“Why would I burn my own house?” 

“You’ve spent eighteen years here, and...”

“Look”, he put up his palms defensively, “obviously, you are a very creative individual with a different way of thinking, and I haven’t done half of the things you come up with, while I was here, but if you’re gonna ask me this question every time you have an idea...”

“You know fire is cleansing, right? You should know, you’re able to control it. Isn’t fire an important element of witchery?”

“Mhm”.

He wasn’t offended by the idea. He was just a little susprised. 

As Kai stepped outside, bringing the last books into the trunk of the (ugly) Buick parked in the driveway, you watched him there on the lawn. Maybe he really was the cancer his family made him to be. He looked like a hyena looking around for a dying animal to chew on. He despised this place, and its lightness, and the fact his surviving relatives thought of the exquisite way of reminding him about what he’s done. And he went around busily, like a bee mama, at the same time.

The house still reeked of blood, and frankly, you didn’t know how he could even think about sleeping here. 

You threw a match on the couch, and another one down into the basement. You knew the house would restore as soon as midnight comes, but by that time you’ll be far away from here. Wherever the books send you to. 

You’ve never seen a house on fire so close. The heat was burning your face, and you knew it burns Kai, too, so you pulled on his hand to make him step away. 

“What sucks the most is that I had every right to merge with her”, Kai said suddenly. You had to step closer to hear him over the immense screech and cracking of the house.

There was deep, pure hatred in his voice as he spoke about his sister. You realized that his bitterness about her betrayal is still fresh, and the merge did nothing to heal it. It was personal. She was his to kill.

“I would’ve shown her if she only had given me a chance. You know? Nobody believed I could win, because I’m a siphoner. But if they only gave me a chance, I would’ve tried my best and I would’ve been a good coven leader”.

“You are already”, you said. Kai squeezed your fingers with his stiff palm.

“Once we get out”, he said, dead eyes staring into you, “there’ll be no coven. I will end every single one of them”.