#i took 13 melatonin gummies

[minnielvr]

sometimes i realize how truly stupid i am and i think about all my life choices but i have barely even made any choices like im only 19??? like why did i do that😇

[darklordofthesimp]

Okey I took ONE melatonin gummy and I got all tiered and sleepy and a bit numb like half an hour later and then I went In and out of consciousness for the next 13 hours. So HOW IN THE FUCK DOES THE OTHER NONNIE GOBBLE THEM DONE LIKE???^^

LOOK HONESTLY IDK HOW THE FUCK MUDPIE ANON IS EVEN ALIVE BUT ITS FINE

[astraymetronome]

I miss chasing down the morning light and all those sleepless nights

Father Figure’s Make Great Napping Places - Chapter Two

Notes

Chapter Title - Sleepless Nights by Ayokay

Aizawa had honestly thought the whole concussion thing had been the end of it, but boy did he learn it was only the beginning. His student was down in the common room rather often, he hadn’t noticed it at first but when the teen greeted him every other night he knew something had to be up. His student shouldn’t be up this late. Yes, he knew how hypocritical it was, but his students needed more sleep than he needed to properly function. His ADHD-ridden student was forgetting to take medications and making simple mistakes in some of his class work. His training has been getting a little sloppy, but he knows full well it’s simply because he’s exhausted.

One thing he didn’t expect after a week was to start finding his student asleep during lunch. Originally he’d entered the classroom halfway through lunch to make sure no one had tried to go through the classroom and attempted to take their belongings, only to find his student asleep under his desk and leaning against the wall. He hadn’t even seen him at first, having barely heard his breathing and nearly tripping over his legs. He sighed and knew immediately that wasn’t gonna be comfortable on his neck so he sighed and gently shook him awake.

“Midoriya, wake up Problem Child.” He said simply as he was crouched. The teenager blinked his bright green eyes open, clearly drowsy, before turning to glance at the man. He took a second, watching him with a half-aware gaze before his face flushed a little red. “Ah- Sorry Sensei!” He said quickly.

Shouta sighed as he sat back before standing, motioning for the boy to get out from under his desk. He was nervously rubbing the back of his neck once he managed to get out from under it, barely avoiding hitting his head in the process. “I didn’t mean to doze off Mr. Aizawa.” He mumbled, clearly tired still. He looked down at the teen. His student was 5 inches, 13 centimeters, shorter than he was, so he was well aware when the teen’s posture and demeanor changed.

“If needed, go to the teacher lounge. I have a couch in my office. I’d rather you sleep somewhere safe and quiet than under your desk.” He told Midoriya before moving to ruffle the boy’s hair. Before his student could respond, he continued what he was saying, “Now, go eat lunch. If you have, go to my office and I'll come to get you before the bell rings.” His student nodded a little bit before starting to walk away.

If Aizawa smiled when he saw his student on the couch in his office a few days later and turned the heat up a little bit, no one said anything about it.

_________

Aizawa had to admit he was glad his student was all comfortable and getting used to asking. He still can’t convince him to get onto insomnia meds; he may be giving the teen melatonin gummies, but he wasn’t sure if his student used them. His sleeping in his office seemed to slow a little after he gave him the vitamins so that's probably a good sign. It had been going pretty well for a few weeks, but his student was already starting to do it again.

It was off and he was pretty close to dragging him to Recovery Girl and having her give him something for it. He was clearly worried but he tried to make it seem like more of an annoyance. Shouta had to admit he was bad when it came to feelings. It was better to ignore some of them considering he needed to keep from having his emotions obvious in his line of business. If even one person who knew what made him tick got away or even captured, they could share it around. He may not be well known but there are plenty of villains who wouldn’t mind taking him out.

He sighed as he walked into his office, popping his back as he sat down at his desk. He’d walked past his desk without sparing it a glance. It wasn’t until he sat down in his desk chair and peeked over at the mass under the fabric that he noticed it. He didn’t expect to see Shinso’s familiar messy hair before he peaked and noticed green curls against his chest. Aizawa hadn’t been expecting this at all as he stood to get a better look at the two students.

The taller of the two was asleep on their back, one arm pillowing their head in the nook between the arm and back of the couch. They had one arm over the shorter’s shoulders as his chest softly rose and fell within the silence. Midoriya was lying on his front, though leaning to his side enough it was obvious that he was facing the inside of the couch. His hands were tucked against his chest as his head laid on the former of the two’s rib cage. He’d walked in on the two of them asleep in the common room before. Most of the time they both were just leaning on the other or just had their head in one's lap.

None of the position was romantic in any way, it shouldn’t be seen as such either. He knew where both of them stood on that aspect. Shinso wasn’t really interested in anything of the sort and Midoriya was honestly just too focused on learning. He didn’t ask them or anything, Nemuria was the school’s gender identity and romantic orientation counselor, and often she would give random appointments to students who seemed to be either struggling with their identity or showing signs of internalized homophobia.

Midoriya was one of the handful of trans students they had at the school, so Nem made sure to meet each of them monthly to help with any dysphoria or struggles. They actually had a lot more students of different kinds of identities in the school than in the last few years, so she tended to have one meeting every day or so. He had no problem with his student's identities after all his husband identified as non-binary, but they were fine with he/him and they/them pronouns.

The man gave a little sigh before choosing to let the two of them sleep. Midoriya was smart about eating before taking a nap in here because Shouta will wake him up if he knows he has yet to eat. He’s very aware of his surroundings and pays attention to Urakara, Iida, Todoroki, Tsu, and Bakugou when he walks past the cafeteria since those five tend to give away whether or not he’s eaten.

“Dad?..” Aizawa was working on grading a few assignments before he heard his child call for him. He sat up a little more, looking over and making eye contact with them before humming in question as they worked on getting the sleep out of their face. “I didn’t realize you came in..” he gave them a soft smile before seeing their hand shift to try and wake the other teen up.

“Let Problem Child sleep, kami he needs it.” He told them quickly but hushed. They turned back before softly nodding and getting comfortable again. He sighed as he spoke up again; he wanted them both to sleep but if he didn’t ask now he’ll probably regret it. “Did you both eat before coming up here?” He asked as he sat up more at his desk. He wanted to be sure since if they hadn’t both would have plenty of time to eat still. Shinso gave him a look before nodding and then giving a verbal answer.

“Midoriya dragged me down there telling me he’d show me a cool place after we ate. Turns out he meant a quiet place to nap.” They added at the end as they shrugged before sighing. “Am I gonna be stuck for a while?”

“Yep.”

“Damnit.”

Shouta has found the two of them passed out five times already: it has only been three days! How do two insomniacs manage to constantly put each other to sleep? Aizawa got Shinso on insomnia medication, at their request, and they have managed a better sleeping schedule. The naps with his student have been throwing his child's brain out of whack so they fall asleep the moment they get to the dorms and don’t wake up till dinner, then they are awake most if not all of the night. He’s also noticed Midoriya starting to rely on the hour or so naps, so he can’t let it go on much longer.

He was waiting for all his kids to get back from the locker rooms as he stood by the board. He seemed annoyed and frustrated on the outside, which he was but not to the extent he was showing. Once everyone was in their seats he shifted his stance and simply spoke up. “Midoriya, stay after class.”

He immediately tension flooded his student on top of a bit of fear but it melted away quickly as the teen sat up. He knew it was stressing him out but this was getting to a serious point. He wasn’t intending to hurt his child’s sleeping pattern but he also knew Izuku was getting to a dangerous point with the pure lack of sleep. As soon as the bell rang he waited for the rest of his class to leave the room before stepping over and carefully picking up Midoriya’s bag. “Come on, Problem Child.”

He watched his student as they both started towards Recovery Girls Office. He knew it shouldn’t be long till his student recognized the way and such. “Just so you know: I am not mad with you.” He told him simply, just to help relieve some stress. He let his student stew with his emotions long enough and, while he didn’t support that, he needed the teen to understand that this is a serious matter. He already planned for the whole psychological aspect of this so Hound Dog was waiting for them with Chiyo. She could provide the medication and he could give a prescription.

Aizawa opened the door, stepping out of the way so his student could go in before him. He closed the door behind them both giving a nod of acknowledgment to the other pros in the room.

_____________

Izuku was pretty sure his life was over. Yep, this is it. He upset Aizawa one too many times and now he is gonna be expelled. He knew he shouldn’t be sleeping so much in his office, but he can’t help it. Sleep refuses him at night and by the time lunch comes around he's so tired he can barely function enough to eat. He doesn’t have much of a choice or he might pass out during training or in the middle of a lecture.

He had been trying to go to sleep at reasonable times but… There is only so much laying in bed for hours and Benadryl could do. He knew better than to take allergy medicine in order to get some much-needed sleep considering it’s not supposed to be a sleeping aid. He didn’t want to bother Recovery Girl or anyone for help. It was just that he couldn't bring himself to worry people over some sleeping troubles. He was completely fine with everything.

As soon as they started to walk down the hall he knew immediately that they were going to the office. He just watched the ground as he followed behind the taller man. He knew that it was bad but it was okay. He was doing well enough he could function. He felt his nerves rocket with each step, nervously rubbing his eyes as he quietly followed along. “Just so you know: I'm not mad with you.” He flinched at the sudden noise even though he was expecting the man to speak.

Izuku didn’t respond, he was too worried about saying the wrong thing to recognize how rude it seemed. He felt bad but he couldn’t help it. He looked up after having stared at the floor for who knows how long before he slowly glanced up. Aizawa had opened the door to the nurse's room and ushered him into the room the moment he was no longer in his own head. He felt flushed and embarrassed as he heard the door close behind him. He looked away to see Hound Dog and Recovery Girl in front of him, both seeming worried as he immediately started to fidget with his hand, unaware of the growing static in his ears.

Did he mess up? He knows his mental health isn’t at its highest point but it most definitely isn’t hit a rock bottom again. He’s just tired all the time, not numb, scared, and tired, just tired. He hasn’t had the thoughts lately.

His mental state has been decent enough for him to function and everything.

His grades haven’t dropped.

He’s fine!

Everything was just fine.

He hadn’t even noticed he had started to spiral until a firm but comfortable pressure formed on his shoulders. He blinked the burry tears away and looked up to see Aizawa crouched down, hands grounding him. He took in a shaky deep breath; he may not be able to hear the man over the loud static, but he knows this. It’s happened multiple times before. He knows how to ground himself.

Midoriya took a few minutes to completely return to earth, rubbing his tear-stained face with his small fist. He felt horrible that he’d overreacted in such a way, he’s a hero student for kami’s sake! He sniffled and gave them all a tiny smile to show he was back before looking to the side. It's probably because he's so tired, it’s thrown off his rhythm. His period was late this month if only by a few days. He’s heard that a lack of sleep can cause them to be irregular.

He was quietly messing with his hands as he watched the three adults, anxious to know what was going through their heads. He knew they wouldn’t hurt him. He’s known them all long enough to have gained a tremendous amount of trust. He knew better than to flinch and be fearful but he couldn’t help it. His stomach felt like it was full of lead as he shifted on his feet before Hound Dog broke the silence.

“Midoriya, Aizawa has been telling me about your struggle with sleep. Can you tell me more about that?” He asked calmly. Izuku had to admit it was welcoming and he knew the man was wanting him to talk. He knew if he didn’t then he’d have to deal with having it reminded. That all he needs to do is talk to him and they can help him. His eye drifted to the other’s hands before settling on the ground as he mumbled.

“Mhm… It’s not that bad..” He told the canine as he glanced over at Aizawa who nodded him on, no doubt to encourage him to speak up. He turned back to him in a simple action before proceeding to quietly speak. “I’ve just not been able to sleep.. No matter how tired or upset I feel. My brain doesn’t want to shut off and when it does the silence is overwhelming…” He admitted, feeling embarrassed as the three adults in the room listening to his confession. He knew better than to feel like he was wasting their time, but he couldn’t help it.

“Alright, thanks for telling us that Dearie.” Ms. Chiyo told him before quietly choosing to move to the side a little so Hound Dog could talk a little more, at least that's what he was assuming. It was confirmed when the mentioned man started to talk with him.

“When was the last time you managed to go to sleep in the evening and if so long did you manage to sleep that night?” He asked politely which made him lighten up a little bit. He nodded a little bit before quietly messing with his hands as he went ahead and responded.

“Um, last time was… 2 weeks ago for about 3 hours. I tend to get an hour or so nap in at some point.” He told them quietly as he turned to just look at Aizawa. He really wanted to hide behind the man as he looked at his feet before continuing. “It’s not horrible. I've been managing to get a few hours over the weekend but I normally get woken up or don’t manage to completely slip off.” He told them as he carefully sighed.

They ended up talking for about an hour while Recovery Girl checked his medical records and other things while she listened in to determine medication and such. He was exhausted as he messed with his hands and had been sitting on the cot while Aizawa stayed in the room as emotional support.

In the end, they both chose to go with putting him on something called Zolpidem. He’s never taken it before but they believe it will work and he was instructed to tell them if nothing really improved after two weeks. He’s on a low dose since it’s supposed to be only taken for a month. The plan was for him to take it when needed but for the first two weeks, he needed to take it each night. He knew of the side effects and such so he was planning on being careful.

He wasn’t sure it was gonna work as he went ahead and quietly rubbed his eyes. He was so tired as he carefully collapsed into bed after taking a dose since it was time he should take it anyways. He just wanted to go to sleep. It was late enough anyways, so he didn’t care.

He ended up falling asleep once the meds got into his system, completely dead to the world in what felt like moments. He woke up to a knock on his door, Kirishima having noticed he wasn’t up yet if the voice was any tell. He sat up with a very quiet noise, stretching before getting up for the day. He was a little drowsy but he felt rested for once. Maybe he should have brought his insomnia up earlier.

Notes:

I’m sorry this took so long! Summer happened and I got very distracted by taking time for myself. I also almost got admitted into a mental hospital but I'm doing okay.

[the---hermit]

13|07|2022

24/30 days of self care

Today I finished working on the first set of documents I photographed at the archives. With this I am more or less done with the reports of the interrogation of one of the three women accused of witchcraft I am working on. Since the majority of my work at the moment has been research based, I have this constant feeling pf not doing enough, because at the end of the day I mostly read stuff. So I decided to do a list of all the thesis related things I accomplished since exactly a month ago when I went to my first in person meeting with the professor who is helping me in my work. This process was so beneficial for my mental state at the moment, I realized how much I actually got done in a month, and I recommend this to anyone who is doing a similar work. I also practiced Irish on duolingo during my lunch break, and I took the afternoon off to catch up with a friend to get gelato together. Self care things I did:

Read first thing in the morning

Did some drawing and creative work in my new bullet journal

Created the productivity list of my last month of thesis work

Took the afternoon off

tranquilstudy's studying challenge // day 28

Day Twenty-Eight:  What time do you usually go to bed? Do you have a bedtime or night routine? If so, share it with us! If not, what helps you get to sleep faster?

I don't really have a bedtime routine, I just brush my teeth, wash my face and try to read for more or less half an hour. I go to sleep quite early, I like to wake up early in the morning so by 22 I am in bed reading,more often than not even a bit earlier than that. To sleep faster, other than avoiding watching at screens for at least half an hour as I was mentioning, I normally get melatonin gummies. They have been very helpful in these past months. The thing is, although my sleep schedule is very regular, as soon as I am a bit more stressed and anxious than usual, sleep is the first thing that has consequences. I struggle falling asleep, I wake up multiple times, I have long periods of continuous nightmares. So I do everything in my power to help with sleep. Especially since as soon as I am slightly sleep deprived I become another person, I am much more easily annoyed and I just feel more tense and generally angry which I do not like at all.

[thebigscaryu]

Ermmm I have a Canadian friend and his little brother (i have no clue how old in my head he’s always 13 but I guess he’s probably 15-16 now?) took a bunch of melatonin gummies and thiught it would work to kill himself. Kids are weird.

Canadians live in a whole different world than normal people I think

[nahoyaglock]

hiya!! i had a question and you’re one of my favorite writer on this app and ig i trust you? if u get what i mean. and ik it might be odd and kind of a stupid question but i’m 13, and i have trouble sleeping so i took 4 adult melatonin gummies, and each serving is 5mg each. and like my parents always tell me if i take to much i’ll die LOL. but i didn’t want to tell them so ummm will i die? idk if that’s a lot for me to take? idk i’m kinda scarred ignore this if it’s uncomfortable SORRYY, 😃😃

waaa im glad to be your favorite writer, but also i have 0 idea what melatonin gummies are, but you wont die. you should google the effects and if you feel any weird symptoms you should tell your parents, u can dm if u want btw :(

[devil-changmin]

Alright here’s the tea about things that “make you sleep”

I’m not even putting it in the tags cuz I hate it here

Alright so step right up welcome to the circus of insomnia (that should be my blog title honestly)

Caffeine has always been a weird one for me. Sometimes I drink it and I get so tired I have to take a nap. Sometimes I don’t feet anytning at all. Sometimes I get the like shivers or whatever like my hands shake and my heart leaves my body. I don’t know if that says anytning to you about anything.

So melatonin. We can just cross it right off the list I think we all know the drawbacks of melatonin. If you want to sleep for 4 hours and then wake up like sandy cheeks waking up from her hibernation, melatonin is your friend. I had a stash of a bunch of melatonin and yes it did help me fall asleep but I got annoyed because I would sleep for like exactly 4 hours and wake up again.

This evil thing. Diphenhydramine. You may know this classic from its presence in Benadryl. Benadryl and Dramamine and stuff that if meant to make you drowsy has never really made me drowsy or like not enough to make me actually go to sleep. I should have known right? My friend and I both had jobs that started early and I was staying at her house so we got some of this stuff to make us actually go to sleep. Right? Wrong. She was like “u know some people say this makes it harder for them to go to sleep.” I was like...no...please...don’t let me be “some people.” 20 minutes later she was fast asleep and I was laying in her bed slowly realizing that of course, of course, my brain could not accept sleep so easily. We don’t really need to go into the hallucinations but I did hallucinate and I did cry and I was very disoriented all day at work so I was not a fan of that.

Risperidone. What’s that? You say it’s not a sleep aid? You’re right. It’s not. One side effect is drowsiness (my phone tried to autocorrect to dreamcatcher so lol) but for me it only made me drowsy for the first few days I took it and then I was totally fine after my dose at noon to go to class and stuff. However this is somehow the most effective sleep aid on my list because I think I got more sleep while I was on this medication than I have during the past 6 months and I am not doing ANYTHING right now and I was a full time student then so I guess taking away your hallucinations really does help you sleep haha

Cannabinoids. Alright so my dad is a stoner. Like mega stoner. My mom hates weed but she’s been taking these pot gummies for help her sleep or whatever and they both keep trying to get me to do that too so fun ya okay. I tried my mom’s and it basically did nothing and then I took two and like also kinda nothing. So we went and got some that are like actually for sleep. Basically it’s 5mg of THC and 1mg of CBN okay lit right. The first night I took one of these like what even happened we don’t know. Basically, welcome back to hallucination. So then the next night I took half of one. It did nothing 🤩. The next night I took 3/4. It did nothing. I took 3/4 again the next night and slept for a solid 2 hours. The night after that I said fuck it let’s do a whole one again. WOW amazing I slept for the whole night 9 hours I love my life. Tonight I took one and omg wow. Nothing. I feel nothing. So now I’m just here.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hate it here. Yes I’m just complaining but like I just want to sleep and especially to sleep during the night because I just want people to stop being upset with me for not being able to sleep or be a real person or whatever. I have followed like every suggestion ever on how to sleep not just the ones I listed above and so many things people will recommend to me and I’ll try it for a while and I’m just like “it really doesn’t work” and they’re like oh :/ it works for me I don’t know what’s wrong and I JUST want to know whag it is about sleeping that my brain hates so much like we know it is bad I’ve literally sat on my floor crying from frustration multiple nights a week because the morning is COMING and I know I’m gonna be TIRED later because oh no I only have 3 hours and I can’t sleep and I JUST WANT TO SLEEP and then I fail school and I miss class cuz I was asleep and people are just like why the FUCK can’t you be fucking normal what is wrong with you and All I want is to sleep that’s all I want olease just let me do it teach me how it’s done I don’t even remember when I used to actually go to sleep and be like rested I have been doing this since I was like 13 I don’t even remember I just want it TO END PLEASE

And all of my friends who also stayed up late and stuff are like “oh I don’t know one day I just started waking up at 9 every day it’s so weird like I don’t even need an alarm” or like “I just evened out my sleep schedule” and they’re all like “omg we’re worried about you why are you still like this?” And I’m like i DONT KNOW please give me the grow up hormones or whatever that make you wake up I don’t want to do the no sleep/4 hours sleep/2hours/16 hours week anymore I don’t want to be a failure I just want to live

[travelingthemultiverse]

In a vc with some online friends a big ago, I talked a bit about how difficult I find sleep. It will take me hours to fall asleep. There are two instances I can remember falling asleep quickly.

One was just a 1 in a billion chance, somehow I fell asleep very fast.

The other I listened to a Minecraft ambiance video (music box rotation of Minecraft ost and with rain and fireplace)

I remember on the second one I thought

“What if I just. Slept?”

And I did. Hasn’t happened since.

Anyways. I was talking to them, my frustration with the “turn off devices half an hour-an hour before bed”

I hate that tip. I despise it. It’s never worked.

I mentioned an … incident. I don’t remember exactly when it was, but definitely Over 4 years ago.

My mom forced me to take NyQuil. Something that is supposed to help you sleep when you’re sick. Was I sick? Can’t remember. But I do know that it did not help at all. It did quite the opposite, actually. I was the most alert and awake I had ever been in my life (or what I remember of it)

Now I can’t remember if this was before or after I told the NyQuil story but a friend asked if I’ve tried melatonin.

I haven’t. And there’s a reason.

I am vehemently against using any medication that isn’t prescribed or recommended by a doctor. This includes over the counter stuff like advil and Tylenol. And melatonin. It makes me incredibly anxious, though I’m not sure I could explain why.

So unless it was forced down my throat? I would not try melatonin.

…

Then yesterday happened.

Yesterday, while I was mid shower, my mom called me and told me I had a video appointment with my doctor.

In 40 minutes

An appointment she knew about for… well over a week most likely. But that’s beside the point.

In this video call a point if discussion was my sleep. And how it kinda sucks.

So

She told me to try melatonin.

Today I was at cvs for my Covid booster shot.

So I took advantage of the opportunity and got melatonin gummies.

I haven’t tried them yet (because I got them half an hour ago and it’s 12:51pm )

But I’m hopeful. Let’s hope that this isn’t $13 wasted.

Hope that this isn’t a worse incarnation of the NyQuil incident.

Hope I finally found a solution to my difficulties with sleep.

And hope I actually remember to use it

Tbh I feel like that is an incredibly likely possibility lol

[canaryatlaw]

So, today was all around pretty good, although it started out with what could've been a much worse mess up than it was haha so even in that I was glad it wasn't worse. But being the genius that I am, I straight up forgot to set my alarm last night. Really, Rachel? Like really? But thankfully I woke up at 8:02 and realized what had happened, so I was only half an hour behind, which of course was cured by ubering to church (I swear my uber bill this week is gonna be through the roof). But I got there just on time to the nursery as we started transitioning from the 8 am service to the 9:30. We weren't sure how it was gonna go because there weren't a lot of volunteers signed up and that's normally the busiest service, but a lot of volunteers showed up anyway so it was fine (I think a lot of them were family members who were asked for this week rather than regular volunteers, otherwise I would've been kind of pissed they didn't sign up and had us freaking out). But yeah, it pretty much went off without a hitch, I think we got about 12 babies so it was manageable, and I think we made it through without having to text any moms so that's always a win. Once parents started coming I ran over to the makeshift church to grab some food before service, and wound up eating half a donut while having a short discussion continued from last week about 13 Reasons Why with one of my friends on the ministry team (she's like, the mom of teenagers but she's very sweet and I like her a lot). So then I went to service, and we went a bit non-traditional as it was actually a panel discussing privilege, being that we're in our "love thy neighborhood" series and we're discussing all the violence, segregation, and economic disparities there are here. It was a really interesting discussion and I think they did a really good job framing it in a Christian context that made sense and didn't come off as something that would make some people feel defensive. I'm probably gonna tell my dad and brother to listen to the recording of it on the church's website because I think it could help their understanding of the subject, if they're willing to listen anyway. So after that service I ran back over to the nursery, and prepared for the 12:30, which thankfully is the calm service and it proved to be so again today. I don't think there were any tears haha. There was our little chubster boy who's just the most smiliest little thing, and then they were short staffed in some rooms so they were moving kids around, so we got some of the 2 year olds including my little favorite girl I hadn't seen since she moved up, so I got to play with her for most of the service which of course I had so much fun with because she's just so darn cute. We did the whole "I'm gonna get you!" chasing thing for a while haha and then generally just played, I ended up sitting in the ball pit as she tried to identify the colors of the balls, but I don't think she was quite connecting what actual trait we were talking about because she'd hold up a blue one and go "blue!" And we'd say yes! Then she'd hold up an orange one and say "blue!" And I'm just like I don't think you're quite getting it sweetie. She got uncharacteristically upset towards the end, something I've only seen out of her one 1 or 2 other occasions, and we were close to the service being over but she wanted her parents and refused to be comforted in any way, not quite throwing a tantrum but not being happy. Fortunately her two older sisters were in the K-5 room across the hall so I asked if she'd like to see her sisters and took her over there, which seemed to help her out a bit. It was a bit chaotic in there so I didn't want her to be in there too long because they were playing foosball and such and I didn't want her to get hit with one of the poles in it that was just at the level of her head, lol. She let us go back after a few minutes though and then thankfully her mom showed up soon after so that ended up fine. We had also been packing up during the service since we have to move a lot of stuff back to the actual church, so we finished that up and then we were done. During the morning I was trying to think what I could do off my to do list today, and it occurred to me that I could go bra shopping after church since I was already downtown and would have time. So I typed the address into google maps and told me to show the public transit from my location to there and it was like "unable to find route" and I was just like........wtf?? This has never happened before haha but it really was not cooperating so I sighed and said I guess I'll take an uber but I did uber pool and since it wasn't a very long distance it was only like $3. So I get to the shmancy shopping center and the one fucking bra store in all of Chicago that actually sells my bra size (I'm not even exaggerating) and the lady there actually remembered me because of my weird polyester allergy haha and I just told her one of the ones I had wasn't fitting right and the other was getting kind of worn since I was pretty much only ever wearing it. So we got to work trying on bras and managed to find a few good options, I wanted to have at least a few I could choose from, so I chose two from the store and then ended up ordering a third just in a different color for the size that fit best (when people are like "what's your size?" I'm like "it depends on what bra I'm wearing???" Haha cuz they're very inconsistent. Last time I checked measurement wise I think I was a 34HH and the bras I got today were a 32H, 34H, and 32I (I'm guessing that brand skips from H to I and doesn't do double H, again, inconsistent brands)). So I ended up spending a lot on that of course because they're like $150 a pop but like, what else am I supposed to do? I need bras, lol. So when I left there there was a Bloomingdales in there too which I remembered being way expensive the last time I was in there but I did still need blazers so I thought maybe I'd check if they had any on sale. WELL. They actually had quite a few that were 40% off, sounds like a great deal- except the original price on the first I checked was $995 (sale price of $597) and $1195 (sale price of $717). So after that short peek I promptly left because I refuse to spend that much money on simple items of clothing (like if it's a specialized dress or whatever sure but just a fucking blazer? Please). I was kind of hungry at that point and they had a little coffee shop on the bottom floor so I went there and ordered a ham and cheese croissant and an Arnold Palmer, and they warmed the croissant up and it was pretty fucking fantastic, I gotta say. Thankfully there were public transportation routes home, and I was able to get on a bus not far, only issue was I had to wait about 10 minutes for it to get there which wouldn't normally be an issue, but it had decided to get super windy and very chilly because of it, and I just have my spring dress, leggings, and cardigan which I'm like gripping to my chest because I'm freeeeeezing, and when the bus got there I wanted to like burst on there and be like "THANK GOD YOURE HERE" lol but I thought that might be a bit dramatic. So I got home and wanted to be productive, I first wanted to do laundry but quickly realized I currently have zero quarters so I was kind of stuck there. So instead I worked on hanging all the autographs I got from HVFF along with a few other things that had either never been hanged or had been and since fallen off the wall. I was successful with all but one who just refused to cooperate, lol. I'm just not very good at lining things up and when you're using the command strips you have to like let them sit on the wall for an hour then stick the picture back on and I'm so bad at that haha but we survived. I heated up some dinner and went to watch more iron fist, which did get somewhat more interesting I'd say, but the plot is still weird and I'm not really feeling the stakes here? Like it doesn't feel like the proper level of drama is there I suppose. I do enjoy the female characters though, and Claire Temple showed up and she always makes everything better so that was an improvement. While I watched I updated the company tumblr and did other such various small but productive things. And that was pretty much my day. Back to work tomorrow. Oh, I did one of the Starbucks refresher instant packet things this morning since it has caffeine in it and I didn't really have a mid-morning drowsy spell during church like I had been, though I felt tired a bit later while I was on the bus. But hey, it's progress I suppose if it'll work. And that reminds me I forgot to take the melatonin gummies tonight, dammit, so I need to go do that now so I can hopefully still fall asleep sometime soon. Goodnight peeps. Have as decent a Monday as Mondays can possibly be.

[canaryatlaw]

So, today was certainly an adventure, lol. So remember how yesterday I had the whole overslept my alarm by 40 minutes thing? Well I mostly thought it was coincidence but I have suspected the brand of melatonin I had been using was too powerful and causing my mid-morning naps. Well, after today I'm convinced that's the truth, and enough of the truth that I got off the bus and went straight to Walgreens to buy a different brand before even going home, lol. So you could say this morning was a bit of a mess. Basically, I got up fine, got ready fine, got on the bus fine. Then I felt a little compelled to close my eyes. And I mean, I have a long damn bus ride (generally a little over an hour) and I never really fall asleep like this so I'll just open my eyes every so often to make sure I know where we are. WELL. Guess what failed miserably??? That plan. I had extra time too cuz I was just meeting my boss outside the building at 9:30 so we could go straight to the CIPP (I'll explain that later). The next thing I know, I wake up and look outside and not recognize it. I look at the front of the bus and the next stop says 33rd street. Time is 9:29. FUCK. The numbered streets don't even start until you get onto the south side, and legit the only times I've been on the south side is to go to midway airport. So I was wayyyyy out of my territory here. So I did the reasonable thing- got off at the next stop and got an uber to drive me back up to work, lol. Thankfully I only overshot it by about 10 minutes or so, and my boss was also running late (which she kind of always is, which at this point I'm okay with) so it wasn't too bad. Ah, but this was only the beginning. So we go to one of the DCFS locations downtown for the CIPP. CIPP stands for clinical intervention to prevent placement- basically meant as a meeting to try and solve problems so kids don't have to switch placements, or at least that's the general idea of the meetings. This particular one was to get two of our clients specialized. If a kid is considered specialized they get more access to services, and the foster parent has to have extra certification for it (they also get some of a higher stipend for the kid, but I mean it's not that much to begin with so its not really a cash grab). It was two sisters, 10 and 13, the 13 year old being non-verbal. It seemed as far as anyone could tell they didn't have any official diagnoses other than cognitive delays but it's very possible they're both on the spectrum. So it wasn't much of an argument, everyone pretty much agreed they should be specialized. And then we still sat and talked, but I have no idea what about because I started fucking falling asleep in the middle of the goddamn meeting, and I could not control it at all. Like I felt like I was going in and out of consciousness, like I would open my eyes but not having been conscious of shutting them before that second it just happened, and my boss had to like, nudge me twice during the meeting to keep me awake. So of course I feel SO bad about it. Towards the end someone suggested a bathroom break and another one said they were gonna get a drink and looked at me like "hey do you wanna get something too?" which I took as my cue to go get some caffeine, they had cans of coke for 95 cents in their vending machine, but even with the quarter I pulled out of my laundry pocket I didn't have enough change, so one of them just took pity on me and gave me a dollar (I insisted she did at least take the change I did have). I wouldn't say I chugged the coke exactly, but I tried to get it into my system very quickly as it definitely helped. We ended not too long after that, and as soon as we're outside I'm like to my boss "omg I'm so sorry I don't know what's going on with me" and she was just like "no I'm just like concerned about your health like are you okay? Do you do need to go home for the rest of the day??" So I assured her I was fine at this point now that I had at least 12 oz worth of caffeine in my system. So we ran to jimmy johns and ate in the car on the way to our second meeting of the day (I saw "our" but of course I just sit there and watch and say nothing). This was a child and family team meeting, which is just like with the workers and such to try and handle things. Now, there are a lot of messy cases in the foster care system, but trust me when I say this case was a MESS. Basically, this girl's brother had been sexually abusing her and pulling off straight up incest since she was like 8 to the point where SHE FUCKING GOT PREGNANT BY HER GODDAMN BROTHER and when I heard that I was immediately like uh, is that baby okay????? But apparently he's 2 now and no special needs have availed themselves yet so that's definitely a relief. But basically the girl is 17 now and doesn't really want to leave home but the case got screened in anyway, but they can't find a placement for her as a parenting teen so she's been living at home with her shitbag mother and HER FUCKING BROTHER and ugh it made me so mad. My boss told me when they went to trial the mom like made the girl burst into tears because she basically testified "I don't care about you, I don't want you, I just care about my grandson" like um you're a piece of shit and shouldn't be in charge of any child, ever. So we're really far down the south side now, farther than I've ever been. And this meeting is with the family and the various caseworkers. Apparently it used to be an intact case so there was a whole transitory process of switching caseworkers. And also my boss hates the PD on the case with a burning passion, so that's fun. When she saw the new caseworkers name she like hesitated for a second and was like "I may not like her but I'm not sure, I'll know her when I see her though" and OH, she did not like her. It was really funny because my boss has like a really soft spoken voice and sounds just very sweet and calm but she also will not back down from anything, and I had to spent the majority of the meeting with my elbows on the table propping my arms up to somehow cover my mouth with my hands to cover the giant smirk I couldn't help every time they got into a skiff. I'm definitely going to need to develop a better poker face for this kind of thing, because I don't think future coworkers will appreciate me laughing at them (which is though my favorite thing to do when I want to piss someone off). So I really don't know if we accomplished shit in that meeting, but we drove the girl back to the day care place to pick up her son(/nephew) and my boss was like, if this caseworker isn't helping you you call me, ok? I'll make it work. They were talking about something regarding her not going to something the other night and the girl mentioned her son had been sick and was home with her mom, who gave him some pepto bismol which seemed to help. And when she said that I was like wait. Pepto bismol to a 2 year old? That doesn't sound right. So I google and it says there is a "children's pepto" out there but it somewhere different, but pepto bismol is for children and adults 12 and over. We were like at the day care place at that point so I just tried to like super casually ask "just curious, was that normal pepto bismol your mom gave your son?" And she just said she didn't know, which is fair enough, but gives me the feeling it was the adult stuff. So then when she left the car I go to my boss like "yeah pepto bismol is only for kids 12 and over" and she just kind of sighed and said to be careful though because this girl will never say anything negative about her mother, even if her mother's treated her like shit. Sigh. So we drove back to the office, took a bit of a scenic route and got to see the white sox stadium for the first time, and over the course of the day I just had some good conversations with my boss and I feel like we definitely bonded to some extent haha so I was happy about that. We got back to the office at like, 3:45, so I'm like okay I can at least try to be productive for an hour, so I go to my computer and now it won't even let me log in. So I just sigh and go over to the tech guys desk and he's not there, so I wait with my arms leaning over the front and he shows up a few minutes later and just starts laughing when he sees me there again haha so he comes in and figures it out and we have amusing conversations about stupid politicians and other random stuff. It was entertaining. He did get it to work, and then I almost had to go get him AGAIN because of another issue but I figured that one out and got to go back to listening to the calls. Nothing too juicy here, but no phone sex, thank GOD. I did mention that to my boss, who's not the attorney that gave me the assignment and she like died laughing and told me to make sure I included that in the report, because if mom tries lying on the stand that's like, the ultimate impeachment lol. So I listened and took some notes and after a while headed out. Fine ride home, took the bus one stop further than usual (just the next block down) to go to Walgreens and buy new melatonin. I decided to go with a brand I had used before but in their gummy form to see how that goes. And then I grabbed a few extra random things, paid, and went home. I made dinner and settled in with my laptop and started watching Iron Fist. I got through the first 3 episodes tonight and I'm somewhat less than impressed. I heard this criticism from other before starting the show, but even without hearing other people thinking it the pace of the show is just soooooo slow. Like I'm moderately interested in the central plot they have unfolding, but it's just taken them so fucking long to get there it leaves me wanting to bang my head against the wall. Like I don't know if I can take another 10 hours of this when barely anything has happened in the first 3. I'll probably stick it out for the sake of the defenders though, so at least I'll have a full backstory on all of them. The one scene where the ninja girl (I know zero character names other than Danny at this point) kicked that gross guy's ass at the cage fight because that was fucking awesome, and it left me wondering why we couldn't have had a show called "The Daughter of the Dragon" (which is what she called herself) instead? I feel like that would've been a lot more entertaining than this. Another highlight was when not-dead crazy daddy warbucks leaves his penthouse and grandma heroin shows up and scares the living shit out of him, because that was just fantastically satisfying to watch. And yeah, that was about it. Did my back exercises, and I've kind of been experimenting with some other ones I used to just kind of do for fun with putting my legs all the way in the air and just relying on my abs for support and bringing my legs down over my head to touch the floor behind me and then back up again without falling forward, and I think it's been good so far, even if it leaves my neck and head a little sore. I also just find it entertaining, so there's that. Shortly before I finished the show my roommate came home so we talked for a bit as she set up the tiny grill she bought so we can grill stuff for Memorial Day, lol. The grill is very cute and tiny. And we talked about all the shut going on at our alma mater (I forget if I talked about this yesterday? I don't think I did) because they're basically fucking everything up again and majorly changing up the theatre program by firing half the grad staff and moving the grad programs under the umbrella of the undergrad programs, which makes no sense......? And it's weird because my freshman year there the undergrad art programs were considered part of the comm/arts school, not the undergrad, and at the end of that year there was a huge thing about putting it under the undergrad studies school, and our dear acting professor was a very vocal proponent against the move, and half a year later when they decided to fire 8 undergrad professors including him and refused to give us any reason why, it was largely speculated that they were getting rid of anyone who was giving them resistance on what they want to do, and that's how our best prof got canned. So it looks like the alums of the comm school (which I'm not technically one of but they are still involved in this situation) have been leading the fight and just getting everyone to email the administration. So I figured my best argument was hey, I've noticed a disturbing pattern of you rounding up groups of people in mass firings, let me tell you how much you doing that while I was there screwed up the rest of my education there and that I very much blame that decision for it, and while they've pretty much already lost any loyalty I might've had to them I would write on behalf of the current students because I don't want to see them get screwed over like that. Then when I got the response I laughed, because other people in the Facebook group had posted the "stock reply" everyone had been getting, that only varied with some saying "we'll make sure this email gets passed on to the higher ups." Well, my email was like two lines and pretty much only said "we'll pass your email on to the higher ups." I guess I came off as a little too angry to get the "we appreciate your feedback and concerns" response which I really just thought was hysterical. So there's all that bullshit. I'm all for rebellion of course and I'll encourage everyone to fight until their last breath, but I also know that it's always going to be a losing battle because at the end of the day they just don't care what any students or alumni think, they're going do whatever they want. By all means, still fight, raise hell, let them know just how angry you are and fight to the final breath, but maybe just be willing to accept that unfortunately this is something they're going to have to live with, which sucks. I've blabbed on long enough about this though and it's 12:45 am, thank god I get to sleep in cuz I'm gonna need it. Goodnight my people. Happy weekend.