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sukirichi · 3 years

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[ BROKEN RECORDS ; asks ]

💌 — love letter from @kyriaan

from track 007.

Okay okay im still kinda meh'ish' but i really wanted to answer you so 😭 ill try to compile both my answer to your answer on my love letter and my hyped review on track 7 <3 so yeah another long ass rant from me 😩💕Suki... Suki pls I totally forgot Tsumu had a crush on us Suki... And then poor Tsumu ir there sulking cause he still likes u- JFBFBDVDVSJCHDHSIA omfg i wanted so much to hug him my baby I like him so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and he was trying so hard to behave while just sitting there sad fhfhfvbbshsjfhbdjaofhffhsoshd TSUMU YOU'RE STILL IN MY TOP 3 BABY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

And then you throw the whole dancing scene with suna and I dont know whos on my top 3 anymore 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 SUKIIIIIIII THAT SCENE ALONE GJGJBFBSJCNFNKSOSNF OMFG IM FALLING SO HARD FOR SUNA I THINK? I think my top 3 had 4 dudes in it cause 3rd place has Suna and Atsumu tied?? Hfhfbfbfhdhsja I CANT PICK?? BUT BUT I WAS FEELING STUPIDLY DOWN WHEN READING THAT AND THAT SCENE ALONE MADE ME FEEL SO SOFT IT WAS SO CUTE AND OMG IF SUNA DID THAT TO ME I WOULD DROP ON MY KNEES AND ASK HIM TO MARRY ME CAUSE OMFGGGFFFF DUDE EVEN WENT AHEAD AND SAID THAT WHOLE 'HES GOING TO BE ONE LUCKY GUY'

Oh shit im crying again that scene lets me emotional 😭😭😭😭 someone get me a sunrin irl pls

Anyways the way that suna knows y/n is just.... FUCKING END UP TOGETHER ALREADY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST JBVSHSJBEHSISJ

Also how powerful are we?? HOW FUCKING POWERFUL ARE WE TO SCORE SUNA KITA AND TSUMU?? ARE YOU GONNA TELL. ME IF OIKAWA MOFO TOORU APPEARED HE WOULD ALSO BE ON HIS KNEES FOR US?? (okay no wait... No nooo i would legit drop anyones ass for tooru hes that powerful for me like sorry suna was fun but TOORU)

Yo nah but the whole Kita sex scene- let me breath bestie LET ME BREATH CAUSE I WAS HOT BUT AT SAME TIME I WAS FEELING GUILTY 😂😂😂😂 ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WAS FEELING DISAPPOINTED NEXT DAY LIKE KITA PLS BABY WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?? 😬😬😬😬 But at same time his 'ill fuck the thought of him out of you tonight' I ALMOST MOANED YASSSSS TELL ME DADDY HOLY SHITTTTT

👀👀👀👀 Still not a kita simp ✌️✌️🤏✌️

Okay Kita deserves the best tho I mean okay he went there as a y/n mom's plan but he did ended up helping alot... Especially cause he knows no matter what y/n heart will always be suna's and pls give Kita the best ending possible cause he deserves someone who will trully love him and show him the world cause mah boy deserves it

*breaths in breaths out* i hated this scene- not in a bad way but shit i hate rejections... To the point im kinda afraid of confessing now cause i despise the feeling of being rejected... The best i can descrive it it like this coldness in your chest that descends your whole body and then you feel frozen in place.. Thats how it feels for me I hate it I absolutely despise it- its also the feeling i have when in a really bad situation and ugh...

The suna part made. Me feel this no matter how many times i reread it the feeling doesnt lessen it keeps being there cause (okay you probably are tired already of me saying this but) Suki I feel like I cant put it in words how much of a fucking good of a writer you are. Ill go ahead and say you are by far my favorite writer the fact i always feel so engaged and the fact i always feel like im there its just- it blows my mind.

I felt like suna was personally rejecting me and i hated it- i swear the moment he said prove it I almost screamed HOW? My brain had to take a moment to just slap me and say: 'kya you reading this is not happening chill-' cause i was already sobbing uncontrollably... I even whimpered the dont leave me 😬 my sadass went to bed feeling so sad thanks to suna... Man i wanted so much to hug him and i swear i would give him as much love as he gave y/n cause well i kin suna alot in this series cause im like that im a giver i treat others the way i would like to be treated (reason why ive been down lately ✌️) and i cant blame suna for finally setting boundaries- his call tho 'do i not stand a chance with you anymore y/n? Are you really not capable of falling in love with me?".... Oh suna... We are in love with you.. We always were we're just fucking stupid 😩

Also mari pls go jump off a cliff <3 youre in need dear cause sleeping with other man just to separate suna and y/n <3 i want so much to punch her 🙂🙃

Now for the love letter part (im so sorry for this being so long ✌️)

You said that if we asked suna he woukd say that he genuinely loved mari okay... Ill go ahead and say yes he liked mari he even learned how to love her and he genuinely cared for her BUT and heres where my personal view comes in so maybe ill be biased here still for me that was just a he loves her as in he cares you also love your friends and care for them but he didnt love her- and by this I mean- he could never be fully committed for her. Yes he loved her and he felt happy with her but like track 7 proved everything he would do in the back of his mind was y/n he deeply wished Mari was her and for that he just loved Mari cause he learned how to care about her- but he never forgot who he trully was in love it. Also the happiness he experienced with Mari was pretty much the one I experienced the bliss of having someone there and that bliss also made suna turn a blind eye to all the red flags from Mari cause to him all the jealousy meant she cared and thats toxic but suna was so desperate for some sort of 'she cares' that even all the possessiveness was bliss for him... And that makes my heart clench for suna...

'suna had to put an effort for the relationship' and saddly i feel like mari didnt... Mari didnt care mari was there because she was a fangirl of suna and got lucky, the way she just discarded him so effortlessly that proved-screamed how much she loved him- she didnt. She was just possessive over him she liked the whole 'hes mine' dynamic and suna was the perfect boyfriend cause he was giving her the world... What he wanted someone to do for him.

Also yeah suna and y/n might have been spurred from them being fuck buddies but well love doesnt really have an agenda- they just clicked, understood each other and had chemistry yeah they had tons and tons of sex but feelings started not because of sex but thanks to their deep connection... Also that dsncing scene in track 7 that alone spoke for their whole relationship- that alone is enough to defend their feelings for each other- yes it might jave started just as fuck buddies but ended up in them loving each other deeply and that is enough love after all doesnt need a perfect start. It can start out of the most stupid ways.

You said life with excitement and fun wouldn't be permanent or real.. Honestly i think it could be.. Cause i mean when you love someone that deeply your life always feels exciting even with the littlest things and that the purest kind of love. Even just going for a walk at the beach would be fun for them or even staying up watching movies i believe suna and y/n would always find a way to make their lofe exciting without much effort.

Also it kinda makes me. Sad when i see some anon saying that y/n and suna relationship are toxic? It makes me. Confused maybe because I was in such extremely toxic one (girl i sweat if you search for toxic relationship my ex's face will be there as an example 🙄) that Mari to me screams toxic! Possessive, manipulative, jealous and a few more if I think closely about it while with y/n and suna they are just two idiots that are hurting each other cause they're just that: idiots one that is afraid to get hurt and the other that keeps hoping- dont get me wrong what they're doing is not healthy but i dont find it toxic honestly

Sorry for the extreme long rant 8D I tried to keep it short but you always make me so hyped to talk about your works 😩

Hfbfbfhfhfieia

[ from saeren ]

NAHHH CUZ I LOVE TSUMU SO MUCH HERE HE WAS SO PRECIOUS. I didn’t write too much about them in college but Atsumu was so cute when he crushed on YN. he was always sending her memes and cute texts like “have you eaten” “good morning” and she’d feel so awkward because she doesn’t know how to let him down easy without hurting him. either way tsumu would feel hurt. AND YES PLS HE WAS SO SAD I MEAN, HIS CRUSH AND HIS BEST FRIEND NEARLY HAD SEX RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM SO THAT’S GOING TO HURT

SUNA AND ATSUMU TIED?? tbh I loved that dancing scene bcos suna is one of my faves and I really wanna do that with him hehehhehe. NAHHH PLEASE SAME IF SUNA DANCED WITH ME AND MADE A WEDDING PLAYLIST I’D BE LIKE boy what’re u waiting for let’s get married now !! n yes he said whoever YN will choose in the future will be one lucky guy IM SOBBING RN

naur cuz. there’s something about dating your best friend. I’m not saying a boyfriend wouldn’t know you as well but there’s something different when you’re best friends first. they could literally share eye contact and have a long ass conversation just from that. their connection is different.

HAJKALA AS FOR THE POWER, BR! YN IS A VERY CHARISMATIC AND FRIENDLY PERSON !! she’s like one of those people you meet that not only are they attractive as hell, but they’re also super approachable and down to earth. that’s why she’s so popular + she’s flirty and can make a stranger feel welcome or comfortable in the first meeting. SGSHJAK I WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING TO ADD OIKAWA HERE BUT I WANNA MAKE IT MORE INARIZAKI CENTRED

the seggs scene with kita SOBSSSS he’s such a soft dom IDC he knows where the clit is, he knows how to hit it. he’s a “your pleasure first before mine” type of guy. kita is perfect, PERIODT. HE GIVES DADDY VIBES HUH AHSKAA HE’S SO SWEET YET SEXY IM IN LOVE WITH HIM ISTG IF SUNA WASN’T OUR BEST FRIEND THEN I’D RUN FOR KITA ALL THE TIME. and I agree, kita deserves the best !! and don’t worry, I actually plan on giving kita the best ending, I promise you he’ll be fine (slight spoiler there)

YESSSSS OMG I’VE BEEN REJECTED BEFORE AND THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I FELT, MY BODY WAS SO COLD AND I WAS SO CONFUSED LIKE IT MAKES YOU THINK. am I not good enough, did I do something wrong, do you not wanna give me a chance or try it out but ofc I’d never say that out loud. AND KYAAA AAAH IM YOUR FAVORITE WRITER??? NO CUZ YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY. I remember ur asks way back reckless era and you used to tell me that my writing made you picture the scenes easily and you felt you were there in that moment and I’m just so grateful thank you so much <33

NO BCOS WHEN SUNA SAID “prove it” I was like. this is it. that’s his hot boy shit moment. man’s has had enough of being thrown from one toxic relationship to another and he also deserves his good moments yknow. and you kin suna here?? BESTIE IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT, SUNA’S BEEN THROUGH A LOT HERE AHSJAKA. that’s true about suna tho !! he’s definitely affectionate + a giver. he’s happy being the one who gives most of the time but he’s a human as well, ofc he’d want to receive the same amount of love back. ALSO HIS PHONE CALLLLLL ugh tbh that part was the one that made me the saddest bcos he’s just. he wants to know if there’s really no more chance. all this time he never gave up. but he’s also tired so if yn says ‘no more’ then he’ll give up. its his way of respecting himself too ahsjaka

YOOOOO I AGREE WITH THAT. he cares for mari as a person but not 100% as a lover. but ofc he’s still thankful for how happy she made him because she was there at his worst. and that’s true, deep down suna still wishes that it was YN who’s right beside him. he will always ALWAYS want her back. he learned how to love mari in a way that was more out of mutual care but not in the way he loves YN. no that’s reserved only for YN – she will remain no 1 in his heart. AND YESSSSS the reason why suna overlooked the red flags was bcos to him, its something that was supposed to be “normal” like no perfect partner existed. he thought mari’s attitude of pushing YN away was normal, and its normal to want your partner’s best friend keep some distance but not to the point of mari’s place where she literally wants the two of them to cut each other out of their lives.

and aww I’m so happy that you realized how I wanted to portray suna and yn’s relationship. they’re….like the definition of youth in its freest form. they were fucking around and doing stupid things, but they had a connection. they had something deeper than just sexual intimacy. even if they never dated or even if YN never proposed the idea of it, they would’ve actually been still great friends. and oooh I actually don’t remember saying life with excitement and fun wouldn’t be real HAHAHAHA so I can’t comment further on that. but I think when I ‘said’ those I probably meant that it’s not always going to be all rainbows and unicorns in a relationship. there’s no such thing as a relationship that’s always happy and sweet 24/7, but ofc it can be sweet and it can be pure even with the little things <33 they just need to work on it.

hmmm tbhhhh… suna and yn are toxic in a way that they refuse to let each other go when they clearly can’t meet halfway. toxic doesn’t have to be limited in just being mari-like in which they are possessive or manipulative, because then if we’d drive deeper into yn’s personality, then she’d be stringing suna all along and that’s unfair of her. she knows suna wants more and yet she remained being friends with him, which totally isn’t a bad thing, but it’s because she keeps flirting with him and is so romantically comfortable with him that she doesn’t realize it’s hurting suna because he’ll give double meanings to that. their relationship is ‘toxic’ because they’re not entirely good for each other, they’re not that ready to be with one another yet and neither is the world letting them be in peace, so forcing their relationship to a point they’re hurting another is the toxic part.

[ from @kyriaan ]

Ah also not me feeling all proud and mushy cause my analysis made you mind blown fjfbdnsjdkpa 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I guess its also because i see this story as a really big mirror of my own toxic relationship sonits extremely easy for me to get it... And oh boy the way i kin suna here

But dhdhfjdospdhfbsoa 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i feel happy now *huggles*

[ from saeren ]

and aah yes ofc, I’m really happy whenever someone can see the underlying details I scatter throughout the story !! yeah omg same hahahaha broken records is also half inspired by the toxic people I’ve met. I kin kita here tho and I’m so glad you’re happier now !!

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #series ( broken records )#tw: toxic

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everlarkficquestions · 4 years

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Sunday Stumped Day 29

It’s another Sunday Stumped Day!

Sometimes we straight out get stumped. So every few months we will pick a Sunday when we’ll post of a list of asks that we need your help on.

This time around we have focused on Asks that are looking for specific fics.

If you know the answer to any of these asks please shoot us a message/ ask/ with the Post number and the fic details and we’ll add it and give you a shout out with our thanks. Any links you can provide will also be super helpful.

Thanks!

Post 1 , Post 2 , Post 3, Post 4, Post 5, Post 6, Post 7, Post 8, Post 9, Post 10, Post 11, Post 12, Post 13, Post 14, Post 15, Post 16, Post 17, Post 18, Post 19, Post 20, Post 21, Post 22 , Post 23, Post 24, Post 25, Post 26, Post 27 and Post 28 can be found here - and there are still fics we need your help with.

495. theman189-blog said:

Also looking for a growing together fic where peeta and katniss are painting a room ar one point and they get in a paint fight, at the end when peeta has katniss over his shoulder she draws a heart in paint on his lower back

494. theman189-blog said:

Hi there, just read a fic where katniss and peeta were peacekeepers and fall in love called protect and serve, and I could have sworn there was another one where they're peacekeepers and fell in love but had a more concrete ending and I cant remember it... any thoughts?

493. breakmeaswitchson said:

Hi! So I posted asking about this on a sub in Reddit and got directed here, it's not specifically an Everlark one (I don't think) but if you could help I'd be so thankful! Basically, it took the characters from the 74th Hunger Games, but the twist was that they all had to work together in designated groups? And (I think) weren't allowed to turn on each other until nobody else was left. I'm pretty sure Rue and Clove were on a team together, and I think the setting involved abandoned buildings.

492. jayana90 said:

Hi! I'm looking for a specific fic from Peeta's POV. I read it about a year ago & now I can't find it. It begins at his house in 12 with his family, then traces nearly all of the Hunger Games trilogy. It ends with a chapter with Peeta & Katniss living in 12 years later with their kids and a bakery. I think they loved cheese bread? It was really long and so good, I hope to find it again. V smutty.

FOUND! The Sexual Frustrations of Peeta Mellark by PeetasAndHerondales, which has sadly been deleted. - thank you, mistressnightshade!

491. allflowerscatchthesunlight said:

Fic name needed: I recall Peeta was taken by the capitol and then there was trackers embedded into his skin or something and he was found by the squad while in the capitol to kill snow. They cut it out of him. Also katniss was pregnant, but miscarried.

Found! Secret Wishes, Secret Kisses by @katnissdoesnotfollowback -- thank you KDNFB!

490. jsth2obooks said:

Hi I read this fix a while ago and now I'm trying to find it. It's Modern day Katnisss and Peeta have to go to a high school reunion an they pretend to be either together/engaged. At the end they end up with a child. Thanks in advance

FOUND! Somewhere That’s Green by Jlala. Thank you, @fangirlingoverquotes

489. uglydora15 said:

I read this fancition about Katniss and Peeta post mockingjay and Katniss was pregnant I think for the second time and Peeta has a flashback and Katniss caught him kissing someone else in the bakery and he had to beg for her forgiveness

Possibly There Are Still Worse Games to Play- The Second Part of Our Journey by panskiss123. Thank you, @sunsetsrmydreams

488. bad-fad said:

Hi so I think there’s a fix where mr. Mellark like takes in katniss when she’s young (I don’t think prim existed in the story but I could be wrong) and she grows up with the Mellarks but I can’t remember?? If not maybe some recs along those lines

Possibly - “Kinship” by Misshoneywell - thank you @endlessnightlock

possibly Star by HGRomance - thank you @nightlock-89

Possibly the deleted Lion’s Tooth by Alexabee

487. craftydiva0828 said:

Looking for a story where after the war, Katniss rides the trains searching the districts for Peeta; people search for loved ones by posting their pictures at the train depot bulletin board.

FOUND! when the far-gone dead return - writingforhugs (Thanks, @ladymurphyevermore!)

486. bookworm06 said:

I was wondering if you guys know about a fic where Peeta woos katniss slowly, they dare secretly for a long time i think. And then Katniss comes out in this beautiful orange dress(peeta’s favorite color) to announce their engagement. She’s dressed up for a feast or party in the district or something! I loved this story but can’t even remember the name 🤦🏻‍♀️

FOUND! - I Knew This Would Have Happened Anyway by @abk1973 - thank you, @litharalen

485. cowrintimrousbeastie said:

Hello! This is actually the first time I'm posting a question, I usually enjoy doing the detective work. This time though, I've looked high and low and can't find it... it's a drabble posted on tumblr in several parts. Peeta is living with his girlfriend Delly but during one of his baking workshops discovers that this longtime best friend Katniss is in love with him (she has him as her phone screen saver). She works at the library? He confronts her and she says forget it as he is happy w/Delly..

FOUND! By @cowrintimrousbeastie herself! It is How Long by @ra3lynn3. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 , Part 4 and Part 5.

484. beautiful-harmony1 said:

Hello! Thank for your great work. I am looking for a fic I read a while ago. Post-mockingjay. Katniss is really sick and Peeta comes homes a realises. He takes care of her. On her “death bed” she talks about this that would have happened between the two. I’m pretty sure some bursts in and say “we found a cure”. Thank you so much

483. thehopefuldandelion said:

So I’ve been craving to read this fic that hopefully I didn’t make up and I’ve been trying to remember it’s name. All I remember is that Katinss and Gale(I think) are dating but when Gale would go to sleep Katinss would text Peeta. I’m pretty sure they were coworkers and couldn’t date bc of this. I know that she broke up with Gale but that’s all that my brain can remember. I’m sorry if this is vague or you can’t find it. I just wanted to read this again. Thanks for all you do for the community❤️

FOUND! This is After Hours by SoThere -thank you, @mendontprotectyou!

482. redhoodhungergames said:

I’m looking for a fic where peeta goes to this hotel (or something) and finds Katniss who works there as a singer. I remember when talking we hear that Katniss is from Virginia

481. just-absolutely-super said:

There’s a pre-epilogue fic I read about Katniss and Peeta growing back together. I can’t remember all the details but I think in the fic Katniss finds out Peeta painted Prim and it upset her? Toward the end she’s outside his bedroom door and confesses to him that she loves him. Thank you!

Possibly - The List of Words by MyKonstantine - thank you, @jennagill

480. peetniss27 said:

OK i must be going crazy, but this fanfic is about panem being a bunch of islands and they all do a computer session and are matched with their spouses after being “reaped” and Katniss was dating peeta and ended up with gale. It was called the islands but idk the new name please help!!!!!

FOUND!

Are You Leaving Me? - iloverueforever (*Thank you, @superchocovian!)

479. uniquepizzacollectionblog said:

Hi, i"m looking for a fic where katniss and peeta and best friends and have slept with each other in the past and now the sexual tension is coming back, maybe you guys know of this story?

478. xgetawaycar13 said:

Hiiii so I’m looking for a fic in which Katniss and Peeta get married in catching fire by order of snow and they are also forced to have children but I remember that at some point someone told Katniss about how all the girls at school liked Peeta so she got jealous and have him a blowjob Thank youuu I already look through your master list about marriage in catching fire but I couldn’t find it:(

FOUND. This is Have Heart, My Dear by monroeslittle. Thanks @finestunicorn.

477. ochri said:

Hi i'm looking for this fic from fanfiction It's a post-MJ fic and there's this one chapter where katniss peels? her skin off her fingers and then Peeta takes her to hospital. That's all I really remember :/

476. nikki-pondtheauthor said:

hey im curious if there are fanfics in which peeta learns how to use a bow and shoot arrows (taught by katniss). bonus if he does this in hunger games. im sure ive a read a fanfic before, that was awesome in my opinion because it is a bit out of character for him but highlighting the fact that he is a survivor too and can handle weapons even if he is more a friendly persona

475. white-dandelion-seeds said:

Hey, can you find me this story- Peeta helped Katniss to escape when her family was being killed. But he got captured and was made a slave. Later he helps Katniss to take revenge of the death of her family

474. chippedcupsandbrokenhearts said:

Ok do you know the name of Fic where Katniss finally gets away from her abusive marriage with gale and goes back to her family. They didn’t know she was being abused. She falls in love with Peeta and I remember at one point gale found her and her family drives him out of town. I read this YEARS ago and now I just randomly had the urge to reread it but can’t remember the name. Thank you!!!

Possibly - A Safe Place by HavishamWard,but this fic has been deleted. Thank you, @endlessnightlock

473. jillpill55 said:

Hi, I love your page and have read probably a hundred fics because of it. I hoping you can help me find this fic I read a couple of months ago. Peeta was captured and when he came back he couldn't kiss Katniss because of a implant snow had put in peeta's leg. I would be a mutli-chapter and may or not be finished. Thanks

Possibly - Rekindling by ShiningCity. Thank you, @sunsetsrmydreams

472. svmn14 said:

There was a story about Peeta suffering from an undetected hijacking attack timed 10 years after the last Games where he was designed to hurt Katniss

FOUND! This is Broken: Scenes from the Sequel by MockingJayFlyingFree. Thanks @sunsetsrmydreams

471. hiyosakura said:

Hello! I was wondering if you could help find this everlark fic. I’m not sure if it’s completed or not but it also has hayffie in it a bit I think. So the story is that k and p fall in love before their games and they meet at their tree in school or something but then they get reaped and I can’t remember what happens after that but during the quarter quell Katniss is actually pregnant and Peeta and Katniss are able to communicate with their lips touching.

FOUND! That’s 74th Hunger games Challenge: We Always Were - Jamie Sommers(*Thank you, @superchocovian!)

470. ptx-holic said:

Hi, i’m looking for a fic where katniss is in a relationship with gale and then she met peeta and they are in a relationship but they caught katniss having two relationship and katniss move to somewhere and then she came back few years later and met peeta again. I’m sorry if this is confusing for you but i can’t find it. Thank you :)

Do any of these fics ring a bell? Please let us know!

#SSD #sunday stumped day #compilation #mod post

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kissmejuyeon · 5 years

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Happy Birthday Felicia!

I’m writing this days a head because i know i will forget it, once your birthday is right around the corner. its the 13th of november right now. but im already imagining your reaction once you get my presents. i still have so many days to wait :( i hope you’ll be able too see how much effort and thought i put into it. because thats what you deserve! (i hope this doesnt bring luck because i typed out happy birthday. dont @ me if it does bring bad luck)

i know this is public so im not gonna go into a lot of detail, but we talked about so much stuff, things we dont tell a alot of people. ive mentioned before that i am bad with words, and right now i’m trying my best to write my thoughts and feelings down. you mean so much to me. i know that you i can come to you about anything. the way we became best friends is kinda sad, but maybe it was all supposed to happen? maybe if “the thing” never happend, we wouldnt have become best friends? i dont know. so much of our friendship has to do with soulmates and fate. we are like jimin and tae ... meant to be.

after so many conversations we had, im gonna be bold and assume i know you pretty well ... and i guess you know me pretty well too. i mean i dont have many friends i cant talk to about sex toys lmao. and i’m gonna be bold again and assume you’ll like my presents, even tho i am not 100% sure because my pea brain is an idiot. i dont know yet if you’ll read this before you unbox the package or not ... we will see.

my brain is kinda empty right now so i’m gonna end this. i dont even know if this text makes sense ... im scared to reread. if you find any mistakes ... keep em ... extra little presents for you lmao.

and again, i wish you a happy birthday. last year i made you a tae + d*ldo edit .. this year you’ll get something similar ;) wink wonk. i hope you’re gonna have an amazing day!!! maybe next year we’ll be able to spend your bday together. let fate decide.

felicia, i love you. my lovely angelic polarbear <3

#dont @ me #im emo while im typing this hahahahahhaa

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hopevorld · 6 years

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— fragile; myg

pairing: gang!yoongi x reader genre/warnings: angst, very brief mention of injuries

#57 from the drabble game: “You could have died! I could have lost you!”

The morning sun peeks through the blinds and you can’t bring yourself to open your eyes as you roll over in the bed you share with your boyfriend, blindly reaching out an arm to pull him closer but instead of feeling Yoongi curled up beside you, you’re met with the cold sheet where he should be.

You frown, thinking back to last night when he’d woken you up whilst he was shifting about in bed, telling you that he’s just getting a glass of water and you should go back to sleep, I’ll be back in a second.

Moving to sit against the headboard of the bed, you grab your phone on the bedside table and turn off airplane mode, allowing the notifications to come through after shutting the world out last night. Scrolling through the many emails and Facebook notifications you’d acquired overnight, you come across... 5 missed calls from Jimin and in total 24 messages from Hoseok and Taehyung which was a very uncommon occurrence. The most you’d get from them is 2 from Taehyung asking for music recommendations and 1 from Hoseok asking if Yoongi is awake to send him a file for their music projects.

[1:04am] kim taehyung:

____? it’s hyung 😓

he’s in trouble

its an emergency, jimin tried calling u

please answer

[1:32am] jung hoseok:

Yoongi got into some trouble, we’re @ the hospital with him rn... I’ll explain when you get here

Come as soon as you see this, ____. He needs you

You reread the messages again and again because it feels like some sort of dream, the most trouble Yoongi got into whilst you were together was when he broke the speed limit on the way back to your apartment after a long night full of suggestive comments and touches.

You’re out of the door and in your car before your brain can even process it, phone shoved into the pocket of the first jacket you came across and foot coming down hard on the gas as you pull out of the driveway and speed to the hospital, to Yoongi.

The drive to the hospital was fast, but not fast enough and the moments between and leaving the house and being on the motorway are a blur.

Thoughts and scenarios run through your head at every red light you stop at; did someone try to break into your apartment? Did he go out for some air and get killed? You feel the tears begin to form in your eyes but you wish them away with a shake of your head, speeding down the lane as soon as the light turns amber.

“Yoongi,” is the first thing that leaves your lips when you reach the reception desk of the Hospital, voice dry and shaky as you attempt to collect your thoughts.

“Min Yoongi, my boyfriend, he-”

“Ah, yes.” the receptionist responds, eyes softening with sympathy and voice calm. She gestures to the empty section of seats behind you. “If you take a seat here, someone will take you to him as soon as they can.”

Your head tells you to argue, put up a fight and refuse to just take a seat because your boyfriend could be dead for all you know but you nod, teeth biting at your lower lip as you slump into the seat.

The awful thoughts don’t leave your head and you can’t help but think the worst as you sit and stew in the metal chair, eyes fixed on Yoongi’s sliders you’d slipped on in your haste to get to him. You don’t know how long you had zoned out for but you’re quickly brought back to reality when a hand gently touches your shoulder.

“Miss?” you meet eyes with a man dressed in scrubs, clipboard hugged against his chest.

“I’m Dr. Song. If you’re here to see Mr Min I can take you to him now, if you’d like. I have been looking after him since he arrived and he is now in a stable condition after his surgery.”

You nod, standing up and following the doctor as he walks down the corridor to the left, then the right, then the left again. You bite at your fingernails (a nervous habit that Yoongi had told you to drop months ago, it’s unhygienic he’d say) as the man finally stops walking and pushes a small blue door with the number 24 above it open, ushering you inside before telling you he’ll be back later to check over him.

Thanking him, you walk into the bright room and the sob that leaves your lips is loud enough to catch Yoongi’s attention. He turns his head in your direction, hand weakly reaching out for you and you run to him, the air in the room cold as it hits your body.

“Wha-” you can’t even begin to form words, eyes raking over him and the bruises on his face and arms that you can’t even count on both hands.

“What happened to you? Where are Hoseok and Tae... and Jimin? I cant- I don’t understand...” you’re gripping the side of his bed now, practically sobbing over him and he brings a hand up to cover your own.

He wordlessly moves his hand to push his gown aside and you see what you assume to be a stab wound of some sort, now stitched up neatly and free from any blood.

Your mouth drops, hand gripping the bed tighter as your eyes bore into his abdomen, images flying through your head of how he must’ve looked and felt. “How? Where did you go last night? What did you do?”

Yoongi takes a deep breath, wincing as reaches for the beds remote so he can use it to sit up. You step back and take a seat in the small armchair at his bedside, still biting at your nails as you wait for his answer.

“I can’t tell you here,” he sighs, staring straight ahead of him so he doesn’t have to see the upset in your eyes.

“Yoongi please!” you cry, voice echoing throughout the large room. He closes his eyes, lips pursed as he tilts his head back to rest on the puffy pillow below him.

“I’ll tell you if you promise not to freak out.”

You don’t respond, eyes wide as you wait for him to continue and Yoongi opens an eye to look over at you, reaching a hand out for you to hold which you gladly take.

“It was a gang, ____. Me and some others got into some shit a few years ago, before we’d even met, and they just so happened to be in the city last night. They wanted money that I owed them from years ago but I didn’t have it. I went to make peace but that’s clearly not the alternative they were after.”

“So they stabbed you?! Why didn’t you tell me about this Yoongi, we could’ve got the Police involved- we could’ve stopped this from happening!” You gesture towards his body, brows pulled together in a frown and bottom lip quivering as more tears threaten to spill from your eyes.

“It’s not that easy, you don’t know what they’re like. It’s not as bad as you think.”

“You could have died, Yoongi! I could have lost you! How can you say it’s not as bad as I think?!” The tears fall from your eyes as though a dam just broke and you struggle to catch your breath at the thought of him dying next time.

Yoongi squeezes your hand tight, feeling himself well up at the sight of you so upset over him, over this. He doesn’t know what to say, can’t find the right words because he knows you’re right. He could have died, he was just lucky that they ran off before they could do more damage to him.

The two of you sit in silence for 5 minutes at the least, your hand still grasped tightly in his and the only sound being both of your breathing and the rhythmic beeping of the machine beside him.

You struggle to collect your thoughts, your boyfriend in trouble with a gang? Your innocent, funny, handsome boyfriend being stabbed by some pathetic group of boys from his past... you never could’ve pictured it happening.

“Why were the boys here with you?” you speak up, squeezing at his hand and he jumps slightly, eyes fluttering open and looking at you.

“I called them before I met the gang so they’d know where I was, they were already aware of them and what they were after so they understood. I told them to go home, they’d been here all night.”

“Ah,” you breathe. You want to be mad at him but you can’t, you don’t understand his situation but you don’t want to push it- not when he’s in such a state.

“The Police will want to talk to you, you know?”

“I know, babe.” he forces a smile, thumb rubbing comfortably over the back of your hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to have to put you through this.”

You smile back, eyes softening because when Yoongi says he’s sorry, he means it. Standing up from your seat, you make sure you don’t let go of his hand whilst you lean over him to leave a soft kiss on his forehead.

“I’m just glad you’re alive, honestly. Get some sleep, you must be tired.”

Yoongi hums in agreement, eyes closing as he settles into the bed

“I love you,” you bring his hand up to your mouth and kiss his bruised knuckles, taking a deep breath in order to compose yourself before the floodgates open again. He doesn’t respond though, already snoring just as he does when he’s at home in bed with you.

You gently let go of his hand and place it beside him on the bed, walking out of the room and into the corridor. Leaning against the wall, you pull your phone out from your pocket and open up the messenger app.

[10:17am] you:

come to the hospital when you can, i need the full story

[message sent to multiple contacts: park jiminie, jung hoseok, kim taehyung]

#not quite gang yoongi but almost #dkdslsls sorry anonnie #text #drabble game #yoongi angst #yoongi smut #yoongi fluff #yoongi scenarios #bts smut #BTS drabbles #yoongi drabble #bts angst #ley's #bts fluff #bts scenarios #min yoongi #suga #bts reactions

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squiddoodle · 5 years

Text

@lezzyharpy.....you blocked me but i’m going to reply cause your apprently 26..... And I can’t not address this cause fuck my brain.

-good fucking g-d how the fuck do you take “you cant claime to defend us while simultaneously mocking our beliefs” as a challenge. how are you misreading shit this badly - um well that’s not all of what you said. Like i’ve never heard an atheist say religious beliefs are children’s stories but I have heard them say they are fiction, comforting stories, fairytales/ myths... but anyone who thinks all religous stories are kiddish....really lets their kids read some violent stuff. And you claim believing that makes us antisemitic. Your saying not agreeing with you and thinking what your doing is a waste of time so personally want none of it , and not just you but all religion but “you do you” is insulting and mocking you!? You’re claiming that is being antisemic. There’s a huge diffrance between “ fine soccer a boring, pointless waste of my time and I have no interest in it and this is why but I can see you enjoy it and get fafillment out of it so go ahead i’ll cheer for you and be happy for you” vs “I hate everyone who plays soccer I think their the devil and we should ban soccer and beat up soccer fans. I think soccer is a illness. I think they are disgusting and not like us/ i’m going to sit back and let other people say and do that to soccer and soccer fans.” Also your acting like we think we’re better than you because we don’t belive in it.....largely....no... we are just AWARE we have unprovable things we like to belive that make us feel better and we know we could be wrong about everything we think we know, we are open to being proven wrong on facts and scientific proof would prove us wrong ..... that is litrally the soul diffrances. I don’t judge all my religious friends just one ones who think they are better than everyone else and are “at war” with everyone not as ““Enlighten as them” because of that religion. Your mocking atheist for acting like “Ohwiseones” and yet when I was religious and not the most mockly self righteous people I’ve known have all been religious. You mock us for acting like the “o wise one Knowing better” and yet that is the bases of every damn religion! “you are the chosen none dilousional ones god has taught better than silly unbelieving fools” ....and you are litrally talking to me like your all knowing and i’m dumb filth....

( for the record what was acturlly said v)

- if we ask that you not mock our beliefs that is not….. even remotely the same thing as saying you must have the same beliefs as us-

right it shouldn’t be but your making out it is. because apprently unless we act like you know better than us or likely that myth is equal to fact or agree that spending endless hour of your time and most your thought process worshipping a god that no one can prove exist and belive that this one specific book is full of wisdom truth and sense and agree that his rules are good and he is good you know just cause “he” says so in his book , unless we agree that that sounds like a good use of anyone’s time, and is the healthiest way to deal with life and nothing bad ever comes from it and none of it is asking you to belive some really bizarre unproven things and think that there couldn’t possibly be another way, or we’re just not honest about it and never express our view point ever about anything religious, then we’re antisemites ......that’s how the logic your putting here comes across.

-how are you this fucking dense - ... litrally insulting me... but ok: Or maybe apprently you don’t know what you’re implying?

are you really gonna ask how you were insulting while you compared us to dogs? -

.......ok first off you know that’s a well known saying/metaphor right? If I said “you’re look a gift horse in the mouth” you haven’t litrally done that ether and your gift is not litrally a horse or being compared to one. Second I “compared” us both to dogs...and i’m not a Jew....I was also a dog in that situation! ....or at least that’s how I was picturing it: one dog barking up the tree the other laying in the grass chilling watching out....a metaphor is not me acturlly saying we are dogs🤦‍♀️.....do you not understand sayings? ok without the saying, what I was saying is: from where I am stood I think your using a lot of time on effort on somthing that’s not real and to me it seems a bit silly but i respect that it makes sense to you, so long as no one really gets hurt, I’m not going to judge you or stop you, i’m just going to mind my own business but be ready to go after anyone who does judge you or try to stop you......so yeah that really wasn’t a insult but apprently you want to stretch for them so...

- and yea i brought up jews specifically cuz im jewish you dipshit, and as for your “oh woe is me how could i have possibly known”…

your reading comprehension is fucking pathetic-

ok first off again the only one throwing insults here is you, the only one calling an actual person names is again you. The only one not trying to understand the other persons point of view or why they said somthing is you. Second you listed “Jews, Muslims and minority faiths” and then use “our”..... grammatically that means yeah you’re likely at least one of those, but it doesn’t specify which. Also I wasn’t ...“woe is me”...ing... i really don’t know where you got that level of drama and victim playing from. I just didn’t want to assume, I had figured you probally where Jew but you could just be a Muslim who cared more about Jews them themselves, or another majority faith, 🤷‍♀️ Hell you could even be a troll pretending to be a Jew, I litrally don’t know you so I have no idea who you really are and have to take your word on stuff just like you do me. And you didn’t fully clarify so I didn’t just assume. And all i’m saying is funny how quickly your dropped your “defence” of Muslims and other faiths and how your not answering my questions about how you view other faiths and beliefs.

-take a fucking step back, reread the original post, and consider what it is about a jew asking that people not mock our beliefs while claiming to support us that made you feel so fucking targeted, and while youre at it, question why you think a call to not mock our beliefs is a call that everyone must hold our beliefs. if you wanna talk about projection youve got some serious fucking introspection to do first-

here’s the thing, it wasn’t that part, alone, as you are declaring it now. Cause by the rest of what you said i’m pretty sure your not talking about things like insulting charactures and stereotyping of Jews right? Your not talking about someone crashing a religous ceremony or mocking it, or laughing at /ripping off your religious clothing ,or Phyically trashing your book ,or visiting your temple and violating the rules or yelling their own views and how stupid everything is during the sermon, or telling you Jews are demons (or somthing not human and insulting) ,or Acturlly picking on you for being a Jew or any stuff like that? Cause yeah ok those are mocking and insulting, gross and deeply disrespectful,. That would be a horrific way to treat you and I’m not defending any of that, I would want to punch anyone who did those or alike to you. Heck I would even defend you if someone outwardly called you dumb just for believing in the possibly of a god because who fucking knows, nothing in life is 100% certain other than we here and we’ll die.

But that’s not on the lines of the exarmples you have, which to me seem very dramatised and exsadrated anyway. But by the rest of what you said i’m betting you’re talking about people saying stuff like “ i’m not gonna lie I think it’s kind of daft that you think snakes could litrally talk but if that’s what you want to do ok” or “ok I think it’s kind of silly to waste your life trying to please someone you don’t even really know is there but it’s your life” and “ you know there’s a good chance you only belive what you do cause you where brought up to” ...and those aren’t mocking you they’re disagreeing with you and expressing a diffrent point of view. They might be hard to hear but that doesn’t make them insults, it doesn’t mean that person thinks less of you! over all i, and i’m pretty sure most on the left, would never really mock you only express our own point of view of things, we might mock and insult you back if you first mock us or try to convert us and won’t take our no and reasoning for an answer, cause your being really fucking rude then. But if you say your going to the temple most of us we’ll say” ok have a nice time” and mean it! if you say you need to pray about somthing we’ll say “ok cool go ahead” and mean it!( though some might Be uncomfortable depending on context Ei if your just going to pray away cancer and not get treated), if you ask us if you can pray for us or somthing most of us will be cool with that but we’ll be honest about how we view religion too and we’re not going to agree that everything in your religion is wise, super healthy and sensible, we not going to lie and tell you we think any of it is true . We don’t think religions are true, at best to us it is a heavily myth based self written history you want to belive in, but if it brings you a sense of fulfilment then we won’t judge you we’ll support your right to belive and practise that because we all have our things like that; so please tell me what is insulting, mocking and wrong with that?! Religous people often belive i’m ether a demon tricked fool or some rebelling monster who wants to sin and deny god so I can wallow in my evilness.....now those are pretty insulting, but when religous people just think what I belive is dumb and wrong 🤷‍♀️ Cool we deeply disagree but ok. It’s not insulting, sure I might agrue why I have that view ,but they just don’t agree on my view of things. and if you find that insulting or mocking then logically you just have a problem with anyone who doesn’t 100% agree with you

-but you can do that introspection on your own, im not in the mood to continuously coddle you assholes while you stumble fecklessly through learning basic decency, so learn that shit behind a block- again the only one throwing insults or being “undecent” to anyone is you. The only one belittling here is you. And blocking helps nothing but ok i’m still going to write this reply cause your sense of logic bugs the crap out of me. Have fun thinking anyone who dosen’t think religion is truthful and pumped with wisdom is antisemic .....I really hope you get my point some day though cause thinking that way can’t feel good. i have litrally 0 hate or hosititly towards you,or any Jews for being active Jews, or your faith or your right to practise it in any land, so on, and that goes for all religions. but you can keep being mad at me cause you think people who think organised religions are largely a scam,or the old books are more myth than fact, hates you or thinks less of you and has a problem with you or your faith existing .....really don’t but 🤷‍♀️ i’ll still help you stand for your rights against those who acturlly do hate you and are hostile towards you and your right to faith.

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briteboy · 7 years

Photo

(circumstantial name by @earnoodle)

IT’S FINALLY TIME FOR THE POST YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR (or maybe just that one anon)

there’s a LOT in here, newer questions are generally first so if you asked something a while ago and you’re only interested in that, scroll towards the bottom. also doing wcifs separately (errr i’m gonna try my hardest to ok don’t crucify me)

this mass anons post includes topics ranging from Very Sweet Things Said To Me That I Don’t Deserve, nitpicking stranger things, crying over ramona, lou theories, Cillian Is A Fucking Creep theories (true), and completely unhelpful reshade advice

let’s f0cking do this

You're right, apart from carrying his stupid brain, Santi's head didn't do anything to any of us. I apologize for anon.

I'm pretty sure I said that already but I love Rooney and Santi's relationship so much I literally have no words for it

ME TOO LIKE IT’S JUST SO PURE TWO NOT-KIDS SCARED OF THE ADULT WORLD TRYING TO FIGURE THINGS OUT WITH THEIR WEIRD BRAINS TOGETHER ;__; i love them

YO i didnt know u were a demigirl!! im a demiboy nb Buddies

hell fuckin yeah dude!! we are starting a demi club

Ok but like I really want werewolves. Like I know it sounds stupid but we have vampire and while yes I love my bat babes, I want a giant pupper friend. I have story written out and plans for a cabin to build. Now I’m waiting for EA to give me my big hairy babes.

DUDE i want more supernatural stuff too, mostly witches like I NEED MY WITCHES AGAIN!!! ts3 witches were so good. i didn’t like ts3 werewolves much but i feel like they’d be super cool in ts4, knowing how the vampires came out. i NEED it

hihi! i've been very quietly (??) following your blog for some time now and i just fawn over your characters way too much ?? anywho, i've been wanting to start my own little simblr story but ,, i'm not entirely sure where to even start? i have so many stories that i'd love to get out there, and i have the means.. butt, how did you go about starting out?? so sorry this is so long but i look up to you a whole ton!!! ty ily! :-)

i’m the (??) lmao that’s me always but ahdhghdfkshg thank you so much!!!!! i’m so glad you love them, it means the world to me ;-; and listen, that was me, i had no idea how i was going to do it because i’d only seen ts3 stories up to that point and i thought there was like a set Way to tell stories but i had no idea what i was doing so i was like y’know what...i’m just gonna do it how i feel comfortable doing it and i’m gonna figure it out as i go along. so honestly try to roughly plan out what your stor(ies) will entail and if you get stuck on planning and can’t figure it out, just jump right into it, try to make a few scenes or get the ball rolling somehow, even if it’s just random posts (i mean that’s all my blog was until i decided to commit to santi’s story.) it’s always gonna feel weird and awkward at first, but you’ll get comfortable the more you do it and it’ll figure itself out, trust me!

I read through most of your story posts the other day and now I’m rereading it again just to torture myself some more (and maybe catch up on some posts I may have missed). I honestly don’t think I’ve come across a sims story that’s so beautifully written & includes such evocative pictures as yours. I’m really at a loss for words, it’s all so stunning. & after a nearly two-month long creative block, it’s planted the smallest seed of inspiration in the back of my mind, so thank you for your art.

AHHHH AHSDHKGKDSJG WHAT!!!!! it’s always crazy hearing that 1) people actually care about my stuff, and 2) that it inspires them. like i really cannot believe that, stilL!! thank you so so much, i’m so happy you enjoyed it (as torturous as it was, lmao) it seriously warms my heart that you’re getting your groove back in the creative world, that means more to me than ANYTHING!! good luck with your art or whatever you decide to do with that inspiration!

can i pls have your editing skill please and thank you

i owe most my editing at this point to reshade so honestly get reshade and u will probably become better than me

o added u on animal crossing and when you added me back i was so happy,, your little person is sooo adorable ((:

OMG!! thank you!! everyone’s person on there is adorable i cry i love them all so much i’m so mad tho it won’t let me add any more friends!!! it probably cuts off at like 100 friends or something STUPID

First of all, I love you. Secondly, I love your photos so much. I'm legit about to just ditch sims 3 for 4 now because of your amazing posts. 😖

LMFAO no but really THANK YOU I LOVE YOU!!! if you can manage playing both i admire u, i’ve invested too much time and effort into ts4 to ever fully go back to any other sims games tbh

The new patch made my game unplayable! I'm crying, I miss my doggos...

NOOOOO!!! hopefully by now you’ve found a fix, i’m prayin for u

long time listener, first time caller yoooo. i like everyone love your stories and your sim aesthetic so so so much and just tbh i was offended on your behalf about that ask from that person wanting to novelize your stories. like you were way too nice. this is your intellectual property and it's fucked up that someone would think it'd be okay to duplicate it as long as they used a different medium. this is prob a bad one to repost just wanted to you to know you're an awesome, singular voice

omfg lmao this is a radio show now *z100 voice* tellem why ya mad euhhh first of all i can’t believe someone even ASKED that, i’m in shock because like what this is so foreign to me. people want to write about MY characters WHAT! like that alone...takes a long time to process. and like i know i should say no but then i feel mean but they’re also my creations so like idk. it warms my heart that you feel so strongly and would stand up for me like that i’m cryin thank u for calling in i love u

I JUST FINISHED YOUR ENTIRE STORY AND I'M NOT OK WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE PUTTING ME THROUGH THAT SHIT IT'S AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER AND I FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE ABUSED MY (NON EXISTENT) INNOCENCE WOW

I’M SO SORRY U HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT ALSO I APOLOGIZE FOR STEALING YOUR INNOCENCE I NEVER MEANT FOR THIS TO HAPPEN OSDAFKJDSK BUT THANK YOU FOR READING I’M GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT EVEN IF IT HURT YOU!!!

I've been up all night and it's now 11am. I'm completely binging on your stories bc I am in LOVE and need a Molly in my game asap. Do you think you'll ever upload her?

omG my freaking story inciting insomnia i’m so sorry for ur sleep schedule first of all, but at least that makes you identify with santi even more omg tho ;___; (how many times will i say ‘omg’ i wonder) i don’t think so because she is so dear to me and makes my heart ache, she is just so special, i dunno if i could ever release her into the wild like that lmao. i haven’t even shared her with my friends (not that i really ever had a reason to) but like yeah. maybe in the future that’ll change but right now, no, i’m sorry <3

To change the topic: Idk if you watch stranger things but I only managed to get to episode 3 of season 2 before I stopped watching lmao it was so bad and Billy (a certified Cunt) ruined the whole show for me

YEAH I DID! omg. i have a LOT of issues with this season (mostly in how badly they tried to retcon nancy and everyone else not caring about barb’s death, how bad the writing was in the realm of nancy and steve breaking up and then her and jonathan getting together...holy fuck it was so uncomfortable with that 40 yr old conspiracy theorist guy i couldn’t even enjoy my ship getting together lmao) also ur right, max and billy honestly did not offer anything to the story...like i loved max too but what was the point...billy acted like their presence and the reason they had to move was so dramatic when it was really nothing...unless they’re saving that for season 3 but like. the whole situation with billy was so anticlimactic. he was like a walmart version of henry from IT. like boohoo ur dad’s an asshole and then he beat up steve. good character arc. i liked max standing up for herself but really...that whole thing was so lackluster, i didn’t care about it at all. ALSO I HATED THAT THEY DIDN’T LET MAX AND ELEVEN BE FRIENDS!! i’m sure it’ll happen in season 3 but like c’mon...that would’ve made the max character feel a little more important to the story. anyway yeah fuck billy and i don’t get why everyone is lusting after him or his actor they’re both ugly! thanks for listening

I just got the sims 4 + city living and I’m so excited! I was really inspired by your stories and style in general... I was wondering what packs do you have and also what are your favourite sims 4 hairs? I’m having trouble finding ones and I love your style!

YAY I’M EXCITED FOR YOU!!! omg aww it warms my heart so much when people say i inspire them because i never anticipated that kind of response, thank you so much <3 hmmm i think i have all of them except glamour stuff and fitness stuff. and pretty much all the hairs i download are here or here. (or the subsequent ‘tf’, ‘cf’, ‘tm’ and ‘cm’ tags as well, according to age)

UHM a 19 year old and a 13 year old? Poor baby Lou... Also youre a brilliant writer i cant

😬😬😬 stay tuned ajasdhjhjsahd thank you so much!!!

My stan levels for you have increased so much? like thanks for being a good ally, clAps for femmesim!

lmao thank you, i don’t really deserve praise tho i’m just passing on the knowledge of those patient enough to teach me. just trying to do what i can with my privilege u know. ily

How do you have teeth showing in so many of your pictures of Lou and Molly, do you PS them in?

i’ve gotten this question before and it’s usually just the poses used! i do have some lipsticks that have teeth on them but i mostly use them for just rooney.

Honestly, a fight between Santi and that new guy (srry, forgot his name while typing this) would be so hot. Like, I hope Santi would win but like just watching Santi fight him for Lou would make me happy!! Also, I live for your stories💞

omG i’m about to call up vince mcmahon they both need to fight on smackdown it’s gonna happen. they’ll both be shirtless too ok and THANK YOU ILY

boi poc can be PREJUDICED against white people but there is no such thing as reverse racIIIIIIiiiiIIIIIiiiIIIIsm

Lemme just say that you must be feeling so stressed rn. I love you and your simblr!!! Your posts light up my day!! <3333

OMg kind of. this week has taken A Lot out of me and i really just want to chill at home and play my freaking GAME but obligations. u know. here’s hoping i get a day off this week. i’m mad i’m probably gonna miss gianni’s birthday too (it’s on tuesday) and i wanted to do something for it!! i’ll probably do it late like i did last year too lmao i’m so sorry baby g ANYWAY u didn’t ask to hear about any of this...thank you for this sweet message i love you <3

why,,,, are people... coming to your blog to discuss race you are a fucking simblr WHAT

the real question is why do people go to you like its your job to educate them lmao like theres so many resources out there

SHAWDY u aint wrong reverse racism is literally a joke i am so sorry you have to go through all of this keep stepping on white feelings we deserve it

I was wondering would u consider Asians to be POC?

yes

I just finished Strange the Dreamer and it was fucking amazing. I cried so much and I laughed and I sat in absolute amazement at the world Laini Taylor has created. 100/10 would recommend

ahhhh i really need to read it apparently!! i’m like 10% away from being done with a dance with dragons (and then i have to wait for the next book like a peasant HURRY UP KING GEORGE) anyway this one is definitely on my list!

omgomg!! I just met this girl in my class who has eyes just like ramona's!!! But like instead of being brown w/ a little bit of blue, they were blue w/ a little bit of brown!!! Dude I was so shook I rlly didn't think ppl had eyes like that!

OMG!!!! that’s amazing! and yes heterochromia is a real thing haha. i’ve only met one person with it and he had the same color combo as ramona too, only his was full heterochromia, not sectoral.

*me in the background screaming* nO yOU LEAVE HER ALoNE baD-DAD-MaN!

ME TF TOO

every time i read some of your stories i get an ache in my heart that doesn't go away until i either cry or sleep so interpret that as you like

OMG ;_____; ok me too tho my heart literally hurts thinking about my characters sometimes...mostly santi...i hate him (no i don’t :{ )

hey uhh idk if you've answered something like this before but do you have a spotify or something bc your music taste is GOLD

THANK YOU!! you were the first person to ask about this haha and hopefully you saw my answer to the other question about it! i just made one and it’s here!

hi hi ! i’m seeing all the drama on da blog and i really want to read the whole story but i can’t get to it on mobile so i was wondering if you could link the beginning and tell me what the best order to read it in is ( i’m so confused because i’ve seen sm people y’all about a parallel story so idk if i’m being dumb !! ) i hope this isn’t any inconvenience also your sims are so beautiful sjajsjajs

hey on mobile the link is just: http://femmesim.tumblr.com/tagged/story/chrono i would honestly just recommend that order haha, it makes things simpler and it encompasses ALL story posts, or posts that give context. there are parallels in my story, lou’s is kind of a parallel of santi’s, only different...well...you’ll see. but yeah sorry this is so late! and thank you!!!

TU HISTORIA ES TAAAAAN BUENA POR DIOOOOS (YOURE STORY IS SOOOOO GOOD OMG) <3 <3 *OO* *cries in spanish*

MUCHAS GRACIAS ENCANTADORA PERSONAAAA <333

lou is wendy right? i mean, a wendy complex is someone who is overly mothering to partners, and lou is already a mother and ik that doesn't really count as foreshadowing but it seems like it could be a link to me. it'd make sense too, considering guys that go after younger girls (ew) are usually immature ie peter pan complex. it'd make the most sense that those two go together then.

heheheheh that is a VERY good observation...that’s all i’m gonna say!!

This has nothing to do with what's happening in the story rn, but whatever. I was wondering if you were going to mention lou's struggles with being a single mom and the stigma surrounding single motherhood? As a single mother myself I'd really enjoy seeing you take on the issue. Personally, my biggest problem was overcoming the generalizations people put on you when you're a single mom. People always assumed that I that I was stupid and uneducated because I had my son when I was 17.

yes! that will definitely come up. i will focus a lot on her struggles as a single mom. so far i’ve mostly just peppered in some stuff about money troubles, and that will come up again, and the issues you mention will be pretty central to her character as well. i’m sorry you have to endure that, it’s not fair. people don’t even realize how strong and dedicated single mothers are.

when you say Peter Pan, do you mean the Disney stuff or the og creepy stuff?

i mean the general themes of the story and how that translates into a peter pan complex: boy who never grows up, feels like he fits in more with younger people (haha...yikes), read the message above because that anon described the other half of the equation better than i could

Wait, hold up. That dude is cute but I feel like he’s coming onto Lou way too strong. I have a bad feeling.. Lou is like 13 there and he is 19 I mean I’ve seen bigger gaps between people, but she is not legal yet.. Where are you going with this? 🤨😅

yyyyyyep that feeling is warranted! i am going a way i don’t think you guys expect me to go...i think you’ll be very confused at the end of this part lmao. that being said, i’m not putting any of this in for shock value or to romanticize inappropriate relationships like this. (i’m probably going to be repeating that a LOT for this story but please just keep that in mind)

Hey mom wanna hear a fun as hell story? I just got back from the ER bc I fell on my razor after showering, and practically cut my nipple in half. (I am in so much pain hELP)

OMFG NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR POOR NIPPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M SO SORRY I HOPE IT FEELS BETTER PLEASE UPDATE ME ON THE NIPPLE STATUS

U gotta watch sense8!!! Apart from the v awkward sex scenes it's v good, has a lot of representation and shit Just watch that shit show, u won't regret it (And if you do I cut your throat oops)

i’ve heard it’s good! i remember when it first came out and everyone was like Wow The Representation so honestly anything with diversity has already got me hooked pls don’t murder me.

I'm calling it now. He's Fi's dad. and he's a FUCKING CREEP!! Bitch you are 19!! LOU IS 13!! BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU PERV!!

no spoilers or anything but honestly i’m with you @ cillian die

Are they gonna fucc, o no

right now? no. that would be Very Bad

bABY ITS COLD OUTSIDE

oh same

Hi ! Your lastest edit (graveyard girl) is truly amazing, how did you make that bokeh behind her ? 😱😍

thank you so much!!! it’s reshade (with matso DOF)!

You've probably got this question a lot of times but i can't find the answer for it. What reshade do you use?

i gotta add this to my faq, it’s one i created myself but i started out with this one (it totally doesn’t resemble that one anymore but i think it’s a good starting point)

how do you make good looking male sims? mine always look the same and kinda girly..

hmmm longer faces, prominent chins and jaws, smaller eyes, bigger noses...generally yeah

What do you mean 9 + alt?

you gotta turn bb.moveobjects on and then press alt + 9 when an object is selected to move it upward. so what i did with those poses i made was, i selected a teleporter and pressed alt + 9 until it was at a spot i liked on the roof. that’s why releasing those poses would be tricky, ‘cause every build is different so there’s no set way to place them, you just kinda have to play around with them

You mentioned GoT so naturally, I have to chime in and express my love for Jon. Honestly, he won me over ever since the first season? I'm at season 5 now and people have already warned me so now i'm silently weeping, waiting for something to happen to my precious bby help

JONNY BOY!!!!!!!!!!! i loved his emo ass since the beginning but his arc with qorin halfhand (was he in the show??) was probably the best arc in book 2 and then his book 3 arc was just...SO GOOD, SO MUCH happens to him and i just felt like i was watching my son go through it all...i love that boy so much ;-; i’m almost at the end of the last book and i’m scared for him because of the one spoiler i know lmao and you’re at that point too so GET READY we’ll go through it together ok

So there's this game I'm playing where someone talking about another character says 'maybe you can break him from his ouroboros of self-fladulation' (I know I probably butchered those spellings but I'm not a bright egg and autocorrect isn't helping rip) and tbh it made me think of Santi. (Also I'mma scream of you get this reference jsyk)

OMG THE FACT THAT YOU THOUGHT OF HIM ;-; and it’s okay u are the brightest egg in the bunch to me. I’M SORRY I DON’T GET THIS REFERENCE BECAUSE I’M NOT A VIDEO GAME PERSON BUT I’LL PRETEND I DO KNOW WHAT UR TALKING ABOUT anyway yes santi is currently in the process of breaking his self-flagellation and embracing the oneness of the ouroboros (as opposed to letting the cycle repeat itself until he’s worn down to nothing)

do you have any favorite pose creators?

answered

do you have any tips for taking good screenshots in game? like how to get the good angles and good quality? i play on ultra but i think when i zoom in and then use the arrows on my keyboard to move around, the pictures gets less clear and looks kinda blurry. how should i do this?

well if you’re already using ultra, there’s not much you can do lmao. sims 4 is just bad with textures in general. it also depends on the objects as well, some are better quality than others. if i zoom in far on a sim’s face, i generally know there will be some pixelation and i can clean that up in photoshop with topaz clean and the smudge tool. i am very reliant on photoshop sometimes lmao. it sounds like you already have the basics of taking good screenshots, it’s just sometimes you have to fight and work with sims 4′s less-than-hd quality.

burn it down by daughter reminds me of santi & i'm in pain

ouroboros!!! death! birth! death again! birth again rinse repeat! also santi breaking the cycle because third time's the charm

The tattoo is an Ouroboros. It originated in Egyptian iconography, and it symbolizes recreation. My boy's recreating himself, I'm so proud.

ouroboros, the dragon eating its own tail. it's a sign of eternal renewal

i saw the post of child molly and just started BAWLING i miss her what the fuck she's my fave character i'M CRYING

ME TOO BICH!! ME FUCKIN TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just read all of A Serious Case Of The Novembers so far and theres still tears on my face. some of the best stuff ive read in a while, great job on everything

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! ALSO I’M SORRY FOR MAKING YOU CRY

every time you write about molly and her in heaven it makes my heart swell, like the characters were answering asks and someone asked her what heaven was like and even though it was so small short lil answer it still pulls at the heart strings, basically what im trying to say is that your writing is so good! <3

omg ;_______; me too, i feel like she has such a simple way with words and although her descriptions of heaven are brief, they are also complex and beautiful, and even just writing it chokes me up ;-; thank you so much tho i’m so glad you like it!!

Molly: out Molly tatto: also out

why did this remind me of this post:

How did you edit in the fire in the last post? Looks cool

i searched things like “bonfire” and pasted parts of it that i wanted on the pic to make it look more realistic, then put a layer mask on the pasted pic and erased the edges and stuff to make it blend in better. the sparks and stuff i added by pasting it onto a new layer and changing the blending mode to screen!

idk if you have every watched grey anatomy but Lou's backstory is starting to remind me of Jo (Jo is a character from the show) like Jo was in a abusive relationship and she is married to the guy but she cant get divorced or he will come and find her. So like if Lou didn't tell Fiona's dad he was a dad and Lou was married to him and cant escape the marriage (cause abuse), plus it would explain Lou's kink with being choked ;) full circle *god-like heaven music with tiniest violin is playing now*

ooh no i don’t but that’s interesting and i’m excited you even made a connection like that! i will say that it’s not lou who likes to be choked (the very opposite actually lmao) but otherwise the situation does kinda fit. i’m the violin

I have a freakin bio pre ap test tomorrow on photosynthesis and i have no idea what it is im going to fail save me

I’M ANSWERING THIS VERY LATE BUT I HOPE YOUR TEST WENT WELL!!!!!! *spongebob voice* photosynthesis

last time I installed reshade I couldn't get it to open the controls or shaders or anything in game :///// any tips?? I love they way reshade looks too!!

hmmmmm well i know the control panel opens when you press shift + f2, and then you check the boxes of the effects you want on them. i haven’t heard of this problem so i dunno what other advice to give i’m sorry :{ if it’s your first time installing it, you might have to wait a little to get it to load up.

Da puppy is so cute!!!

That dog and Romona are so adorable, I might cry

Ramona's cheeks are so big im in love

NAJKSDJGKJSD THANK YOU i love her and her chubby cheeks ;-;

OMG TOTORO IS SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE GHIBLI UGH FKSJFJANFB

SAME!!!!!!! if i could only watch ghibli movies for the rest of my life i’d be totally fine with that

THE DOGGIE HAS EYES JUST LIKE RAMONAS IM GONNA FUCKIGN CRY

ME FUCKGN TOO!!!!!!!!!! it was fate (aka me creating the wolf pup to look just like her shh i am fate)

Hope I'm not bothering you but i wondered if you knew how to make Tamo sims eyebags work on a toddler? Do I just click in s4s to work for toddler on the "age and gender flags" when looking in My CC or do I have to do something a little more than that please? Thank you.

for any skin detail or makeup, you have to go into s4s and open the package up, go to one of the tabs (honestly i don’t remember which one because i don’t have it open rn lmao) and you’ll see the different age groups and you check the box for toddler. and then save it of course. (there’s probably a better guide on how to do this somewhere lmao)

Hey :) Sorry to take up your time, I was wondering if you use win7, win8 or win10? I'm trying to decide on one and people seem to have very strong feelings about it. Also what web browser do you use? I've used Firefox, but I had some problems on CC websites. Thanks<3

i use windows 10 because it came with my laptop lmao i honestly don’t know much about windows systems at all!! and i use google chrome because it’s never failed me (even though windows keeps pressuring me to use the new internet explorer called “edge”)

i just finished all of novembers in a sitting and 1. i'm Sobbing, 2. your music taste is bomb

THANK YOU!!! my music taste is like one part indie shit, one part rap and hip-hop, twelve parts emo middle school bands

what is the size of the original unedited screenshot?

1920x1080

For reshade when your first install and select the reshade you want to use do you have to edit the settings? Cause last time I tried to (I didn’t know what most of the things meant lmao) but it kept saying error or something so I couldn’t play the game so I ended up taking out reshade

do you mean the preset you want to use? i mean no you can just play with that preset, you don’t have to change anything about it. i’m not sure what you mean but i followed this guide for setting it up

Will you ever share your preset?? Or maybe a preset made be you??

i’ve answered this before but the answer is Maybe

Hi!!!! How do you make the rays of light you have in your photos?? THANK U BBY <3333

that’s actually in my editing tutorial but here you go <3

is reshade only available on windows + do we need to pay for it

yes and no

Hello love! I was wondering (and maybe it's a dumb question, idk) but what life span setting do you use? I would assume you turned off aging for your story but maybe I'm wrong ;w; Thank you!!

i do actually have aging off ‘cause i’m a coward lmao even in the ts3 days when i wasn’t doing story stuff and literally just playing i had it off for the most part and just aged sims up when i wanted because i like to be in control of Everything (aries)

I really just wanted to say that I’m new I your tumblr but your stories are amazing and I love them so much!!! Keep doing what you’re doing💞👏🏼

hey thank you!!! you are so kind and i’m glad you’re enjoying everything!!

In your reshade settings where have you set it to save your SS's to and which key please? I can't find mine after setting it to desktop/screenshots :(

i just set mine to ts4′s screenshots folder because it’s what i was used to and it works for me haha. hmmmmmm did you copy the exact address or whatever it’s called of your folder’s location and then paste it into the reshade box? try doing that with another location and see if it works. if anything you can do what i did ‘cause it worked for me

ok SO i came across this music video for this like spanish/english speaking indie band called The Marías and the song was déjate llevar and literally everything about the music video reminded me of rooney and gianni

OMMMGGG i love this so much, i cry @ music suggestions and this is so them ;-; i think i’ve heard of this band before actually!!

a little life is going to fucking ruin you,,, just a warning

great! i look forward to it

can a steal ur talent

have it i don’t need it

What app are you using to make them cool edit things??

i tagged it but it was doodle face

omg Strange the Dreamer is so freaking amazing! It’s literally one of my favorite books of all time; You’ll love it. The writing is absolutely delightful

you guys are really singin the praises for this book!! i have so many dang books to read i swear

#nonsims #saviorhide #anonymous #sunny answers #it is done and i never want to see another anon message again #i retire

46 notes · View notes

codezeta-liveblog-blog · 6 years

Text

Bonds 1.6 - After coffee, want to grab some pizza?

Just a FYI, my cellphone flipped the fuck out when selecting the text, so it decided to show right in my face one thing I didnt want to see: I know now that by the ending of this chapter there will be nothing within something. I'm hoping it isnt something that is going to be built through the entire thing, and just a last time development. Sorry for that.

I paced. The Demesnes text in hand, I walked from one end of the living room to the other, then walked back.

Another trip back and forth, and I stopped by the window, using the edge of the book to push the curtain back. It was dusk outside, just past sunset, day two, and some of the locals had emerged.

If I didn’t know better, I might have thought the locals were trying to put pressure on me. Men and women, some children, simply staking out the perimeter of the fence. Some of them paced like I was doing, like tigers in their cell, while others were patient, smoking or holding phones to their ears. A number of the ‘children’ were standing on the short stone wall, hands wrapped around the metal curls and spikes of the railing, eyes on the house. Some talked, others were silent.

Most were normal enough I wouldn’t have looked twice. A handful weren’t. One little boy, separate from the others, kept scratching at his head, face, neck and arms, his fingers coming away black with his own blood, or so it appeared in the gloom. I could see the gouge marks, dark lines cut into his skin, he would turn away, and they would be gone the next time I got a chance to see. There was a woman with hair, hat and coat covering much of her face, but when I did get a glimpse, I saw only vague, black smudges where her eyes and mouth should be. She held a cigarette up near her face, but never inhaled from it. The others seemed rather intent on avoiding her, giving her a wide berth as she paced.

Gore doesn't do anything for me, put scratching/itchyness is somehow more creepy. Maybe it has to do with the feeling of helplessness. Wounds, blood, missing limbs, its somehow fine, maybe manageable or expected depending on the setting. But self inflicted madness-inducing itchyness? Something you can't get OUT of you? Thats what does it for me in the creepyness scale.

A car passed down the length of the road. I tried to use the headlights to get a better look at the things, but the headlights revealed a mostly empty sidewalk, no Others but a small group of the ‘children’ that had hopped down from the fence and were simply walking as a group, heads covered by hats and hoods, hardly worthy of a glance.

My eyes had to adjust from focusing on the headlights. The Others appeared from dark spots, and stepped out from behind the pillars that framed the gate.

I let the curtain drop, then resumed the pacing. I’d read the same page five or six times.

“You’re making me nervous,” Rose said, startling me. “You’ve been pacing the entire time I’ve been gone?”

Her hair was wet. She’d left to go shower, but she still wore the same clothes as before. Apparently she had running water, on her side. That was interesting, considering there wasn’t necessarily anything for the pipes to connect to.

“I’m nervous,” I said. “I ordered pizza, but I didn’t think they’d come crawling out of the woodwork like this. There’s a good ten or so out there.”

“Why did you order pizza?” she asked.

“Because I’m hungry?” I responded. “There’s nothing more than the most basic stuff in the kitchen, I’m going to go crazy or get sick living off flour tortillas, canned beans and tuna, and since I’ve got to figure out a way to keep myself supplied, I might as well start sooner than later.”

“Pizza isn’t supplies.”

“Pizza is a way of testing the waters,” I said. “Will anyone in this town do business with me? If I can’t order a pizza, I might have trouble getting groceries delivered. If I can’t get groceries delivered, then I need to find a reliable, safe way of going outside.”

“So you put a pizza guy in the line of fire?”

“There wasn’t a line of fire when I called,” I said. I looked outside again. “It’s hard to keep track of time. My sleep schedule’s all over the place, my eating schedule’s off track, and the days are short. It’s dangerous, and it’s going to fuck me up. Need to get back in the habit of sleeping at night and eating on time. As is, I didn’t figure it would get dark so soon, and I didn’t figure they’d appear like this.”

“I know,” she said. “Except I don’t even have the physical needs to gauge by, and it’s awfully dark in here.”

I peeked outside.

Two Others had joined the group. One was very talkative, engaging with the eyeless, mouthless woman who had the cigarette, even venturing into the four or five foot bubble of personal space around her that the rest seemed to be respecting.

I reached for the phone. Mind changed.

“Bell Pizza. What can I do you for?”

“I’d like to cancel my order,” I said.

“You’ve already paid for your order. The food is made and is on its way. We can’t provide a refund.”

“It’s fine. Keep the money. Just call back the delivery guy so he doesn’t waste his time.”

There was a pause.

“I’m sorry. We can’t refund your pizza, because we already prepared it. It should be there in ten minutes or less.”

He was feigning ignorance, with a touch of a bad accent, but he couldn’t hide the smugness.

“You’re being intentionally dense,” I said.

The guy on the other end hung up.

“Fuck,” I said.

# I'm having weird flashbacks of RE4. But every villager is out to get you psychologically and the bosses are staring at you from the window and you cant do shit about it. Really like the alien-ness (?) Of the situation here. Never read something like thia.

“So… now what?” Rose asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I doubt he’ll give me a fair hearing if I call back. I don’t really know what to expect, here. Even reading up on the basics, it doesn’t get into much depth about this.”

Rose nodded, “Essentials and Famulus were more focused on Other-practitioner relationships than general Other-human relationships.”

I could see her fidgeting. I leaned forward. “Earlier, you said you were nervous. How does that work? You don’t breathe any harder, since you don’t breathe. Does your heartbeat pick up? Does your body flood with the stress hormones, making you fidget?”

“That’s a no on every count,” she said. I turned away from the window to look at her. She elaborated, “My body’s always the same. Stable, steady, there, but not doing anything except… I dunno. Maintaining appearances?”

“But you get nervous.”

“My brain gets nervous,” she said.

“I’m not sure that makes sense, but okay,” I replied. I looked down at the page I’d been rereading for the past twenty minutes, then tossed the book down onto the coffee table.

“You’re onto Demesnes,” she observed, craning her head to peer down. “Me too.”

“It’s a fitting thing to read up on, here,” I said. “Making your own sanctuary, while we have enemies gathering at the gates. It seems like a pretty simple ritual.”

“Deceptively simple,” Rose said.

“Yeah, deceptively simple,” I agreed. “You stake out the area, the magical equivalent of drawing out your borders and planting a flag, you say a few words, and you invite anyone, everyone and everything that objects to come and challenge you. Trial by combat, riddles, placating them with deals, whatever you agree on. The bigger the area you try to claim, the bigger the invitation you broadcast. They each get to confront you the once, and the ritual ends when there are no challengers left, or when a set amount of time passes. Claim a space the size of a closet, maybe get five to ten objections. Claim a house, get fifty.”

Man did I have this backwards from the reddit. I thought it was a safe spot and that wad it. I'm glad i didn't know the full details though!

“I’m thinking that’s one of the last things we want to do,” Rose said. “When we have a familiar, and when we have an implement, so we have some ability to fight.”

“Except,” I said, “It’s a bit of a catch-22, isn’t it? The demesne gives us a steady supply of power, with bigger spaces giving us more power. It’s a sanctuary, and a place where we can bend the rules in our favor. Right? So we need a tool or a familiar to lay claim to as big a space as we can pull off.”

“Yes.”

“But we can’t infuse our tool until we have some power to infuse it with,” I said. “Except…”

“That power would ideally come from the demesne,” Rose said.

I nodded, “Or the familiar, in terms of strength and shaping how the tool functions. And we can’t start talking with Others about bringing them on board as a familiar until we have some established power already.”

“Necessitating a tool and a claim to some land,” Rose finished for me. “Each of the three things requires the two others.”

I nodded. “Or it necessitates a compromise. We pick one front, we make it easy, like you suggested, go with the bare minimum. Do one thing badly, use the leverage we gain to do the next thing in a mediocre way, and then use the two things to do really well with the last ritual.”

My pacing resumed, though I had my hands free, and I could stick them in the pockets of my wool hoodie.

Seems like the sort of thing I would never start at any point. I'm too undecisive when it comes to these things haha. I wonder if theres really no way to turn this situation over. Maybe something at the reunion will happen to make people side with him? Althought that wouldnt fir what we know on how many enemies grandma Rose has accumulated over the years. What to do what to do...

“How do the others do it?” Rose asked. “The Behaims and the Duchamps?”

“They have backup, I imagine,” I said. “A mom and dad who are willing to sit in on a meeting with a familiar and vouch for them, or maybe even have a familiar arranged from early on or before the kid is born, things ready-made, a space set aside.”

“Magical trust fund kids,” Rose said.

“Basically,” I said.

“What about the North End Sorcerer?”

“What about him?”

“I take it you didn’t read the little black book from cover to cover? Look him up.”

I shuffled through the tomes to find where I’d put the book. “I was going to read it later, after the major four were done, before the council meeting.”

“You don’t need to make excuses to me,” Rose said. She had her own copy. “Um. Page thirty-two.”

I opened the tiny book.

Johannes Lillegard, believed to be an adopted name. Practitioner. The newest arrival in Jacob’s Bell as of August thirteenth, ‘ought-nine, he arrived at the council meeting of said date. Johannes appears no older than twenty-five, but all facts suggest he claimed his demesne six or more years ago, a region spanning all of Jacob’s Bell, west and north of the hospital as well as the entire expansion north of the bridge.

I paused in my reading there, to ask, “The bridge?”

“The highway,” Rose said. “It becomes a bridge where it passes over the marshland here.”

I pictured it, then stopped short. “Wait, the commercial area north of the highway? With the train station, the shops-”

“-The condos, the mall, the prefab houses, yes.”

“As his demesne? The book talks about it in the context of rooms, of houses at the most.”

Rose didn’t reply. When I glanced her way, she was nodding, a serious look joining the general exhaustion on her face.

“There’s a catch there,” I said. “A drawback.”

“Oh, right, you’re only partway through,” Rose said. “Demesnes are like trademarks. Periodically, people are going to test them. You need to respond, but you have the home court advantage. The law’s on your side. But if you claim something that broad, and if you can’t or don’t defend it when someone else puts one foot over the line, that weakens your stance. But he’s defending it.”

Look at this guy! How many dozens do you call to attention when you try to claim something that big? I imagined the constant contest for desmenes would be a thing, like a pokemon go gym sort of competition. But good to know you have the advantage at first. Must be scary to get called out for that, the person surely must think they have the upper hand to begin with then. Meaning that they must have information that you are not aware that they have.

“How?”

She pointed back at the little black book.

I read.

In conversation with Aimon Behaim and Sandra Duchamp, we mutually agreed that Johannes must have claimed the territory prior to the expansion appearing, though we’re unsure of when this might have been, for none of us to hear the claim or be able to respond to it, nor how he was able to do this at what might have been the age of thirteen or fourteen. Mara has declined to answer any questions, being more taciturn than her usual,

Johannes seems to bear harsh wounds, no doubt tying back to his ambitious claim, with no use of one eye, one hand and one leg, though the tissues appear undamaged. He bears a set of antique pipes as his implement, and has a Gatekeeper of the Seventh Ring (ref Astral Bodies: vol 3, and Prime Movers) as his familiar, named Faysal Anwar, which takes the form of a rather large Afghan Hound.

Note: Johannes has made his second appearance at council meetings, February sixth, year two thousand and ten. Occasion to expand my notes. Arrogant, and justified in it. Enigmatic. He spends almost all of his time within his demesne, stepping outside only to defend his claim and attend occasional meetings. This makes gathering information hard. Favors manipulation of space.

Note: Touching up all of my notes, for my soon-to-be heiress. He is a manipulator, content to bait people and lure them to their doom. Fitting, given the implement of choice. He safeguards his demesne by making it a fiefdom, with neighborhoods held by Others and a handful of lesser practitioners. Stay clear, this is a threat you do not need to face down.

I looked up at Rose. “He’s powerful, then.”

She said, “He doesn’t have a family. He had nothing given to him in advance, as far as we know. But he managed something.”

“Okay,” I said. “So there are obviously other options. Approached directly, the situation is filled with contradictions and obstacles, but maybe there’s an oblique answer, like Johannes found?”

So there was NO response. Even more intriguing than him just being powerful. He exploited something, found his loophole and only then became powerful. He is the king from the visions right? I’m pretty sure he is. Wasn’t the city twisted in his "kingdom" though? Hm. He was the one that seemed the most nice towards Blake in those visions. What are his motives then? Helping Blake, befriending him or just taking over enough so that he himself has access to the ‘literal’ nukes?

“Like what I was talking about with the witch hunters,” Rose said.

That again. I shook my head.

“You’re refusing my ideas too fast,” she said, and the emotion in her voice caught me off guard. She was irritated, upset. “Have you even read up on witch hunting, Blake?”

“No,” I said. “Have you?”

“I can’t. I need you to rotate the mirror in the study. Damn it, listen, there are things we can learn to do that don’t rely on familiar, implement or demesne. Like Laird’s shamanism.”

“Okay,” I said. “I’m very on board with that.”

“But you aren’t on board with getting the protections witch hunters have? If anything’s going to get us killed, it’s a knee-jerk reactions and making stupid assumptions.”

“It’s not that I don’t like the idea of protection,” I said. “But when someone says ‘witch hunter’, it makes me think of hunting things. Fighting, instead of defense. And I think that any of those protections we might use as practitioners are going to be found in books for practitioners. It’s hard enough without overcomplicating it, sifting through all the stuff we can’t use for some tidbits we could find elsewhere. Can we compromise? Maybe focus on getting this wizardry crap down, and we’ll look at the witch huntery stuff later, as the side project it is?”

Thats the problem right there isnt it? You cant go on the defensive in this situation, Blake is still holding out to some hope. He is the outside element being thrown into a volatile situation. I already see the escalation coming from miles away.

When I looked at Rose, she was frowning, eyebrows knit. tapping her hand on some surface in front of her.

We were similar in other ways. Prone to anger. But something told me that Rose wasn’t one to actually show or exercise that anger.

Something to watch for, if she was bottling up her stress. What outlets did she have to vent it, and how would she react if she couldn’t?

“Fine,” she said, in that way that girls were so very good at. She took a deep breath, then sighed. Purely for effect, I imagined. Calmer, she said, “We shelve that idea. We can use trickery, deception, manipulation, to get our foot in the door, get one of the three major things we need.”

“Agreed,” I said. “Harder than it sounds, because Others are naturally deceptive and are probably looking out for those tricks.”

“What else? We could try marshaling forces, like he is. We need a good rapport with Others to figure out who we might pick for a familiar, right?”

“There’s a problem with that,” I said. I reached for the mirror, then stopped. “May I?”

“Yes.”

I lifted the mirror from where I’d hooked it onto the bookcase, then carried it to the window, pushing the curtains apart. I set the bottom end of the mirror on the windowsill.

There were five more Others than before. All clustered around the fence. The rest were still there. Waiting.

Rose was turned away from me, so I couldn’t see her, and she was silent, leaving me to stand there, presenting our situation.

“That’s the issue, right now. That’s the biggest complication we’re facing with the rituals, with life in general. Someone’s done the equivalent of putting a price out on our head, or they said that the usual rules for going after someone in an inhabited area are on hold, for me, or for us,” I said, my voice low. “We can’t conduct any rituals, because those guys are waiting to fuck us up.”

“That-” Rose started.

Nooo dont get interrupted. I need that knowledge. She recognized someone or something didnt she? I love how her psychology and just how she works in general is being this build-up mystery that is probably going to blow up in my face when she suddenly vanishes forever out of nowhere in a critical momment or something.

She stopped short as a car appeared, parking at the far end of the street, a sign perched on top.

This time, seeing the vehicle approach, I could see how the Others moved out of the way of the headlights. Stepping literally into shadows, or stepping to a position where they were out of sight. In the latter case, it looked like they were stepping out of my field of view, to where the fence or columns on either side of the gate were blocking my view, but I felt like they were doing it for everyone that might be looking. Finding a universal blind spot.

A guy stepped out of the car, holding the insulated bag with the pizza inside. He crossed the street, and approached the gate.

“Stop him, Blake,” Rose said.

“I want to, but how?”

“I don’t know. Shout?”

I strode to the front door, hauled it open, and bellowed, “Hey!”

Others appeared from the shadows by the gate, a ‘child’ with his back to the stone column, glancing my way. Further down the street, I could see the faceless woman with the cigarette appear behind the delivery guy.

He didn’t stop walking. When he shouted back, I couldn’t make out the words.

“Stop! I don’t want it! Go back to the car!” I hollered.

Again, I couldn’t make out his reply.

I watched as the Others closed in.

I never thought I'd read a scary pizza delivery before.

The ‘little boy’ who’d been scratching himself walked down the street, so short I could barely make him out over the stone wall which bordered the property.

He approached the delivery man head on, not moving out of the way. When it looked like they might collide, the ‘boy’ hopped up onto the short stone wall. His hand around the man’s wrist.

A moment later, so fast I couldn’t see it, the boy slammed the delivery guy’s hand down on the railing. The man screamed, dropping the pizza, hand impaled on the spiked railing that ran along the top of the short wall. He tried to pull it free, but the ‘boy’ still had a grip on his wrist.

“Hey!” I shouted. I stepped out onto the porch.

NO DONT

A girl hopped up, using the man’s knee as a foothold, grabbing the delivery man by the jaw. She was more monkey than child as she swung up onto the wall. The momentum of the swing brought his head down and forward, driving it into the top of the railing.

I could hear the sound it made on impact, which said a lot, considering how I hadn’t been able to hear his words. There was no saying how much was the upper row of teeth breaking on impact with the railing, or the sound of the jaw breaking as it was wrenched down with a sudden weight of the not-little-girl.

The girl let go, walking along the top of the railing, her arms extended to either side, pigtails swinging, the grin the only part of her I could make out beneath the winter clothes, too wide, filled with very white teeth that didn’t match each other.

I could hear his continued screams, now more strangled than they’d been.

I felt cold, paralyzed. Had I just killed a man, simply by inviting him here?

The faceless woman caught up to him. Her free hand reached into the back of his head, and I could make out the fingers reaching out the front, moving just beneath the skin, closing together into a fist over one of his eyes. She moved her hand, leaving the skin bound shut in a knot of flesh, and she closed the other eye in the same manner.

Another movement, nearer the mouth and throat, and the screams were cut off.

Knitting, molding his flesh, almost casually.

My concern was no longer that I’d killed the man. My concern was that he might live.

“Blake!” Rose’s voice, from the living room. “You have to help him!”

No he absolutely does not. Ge the fuck back inside. Dont be a hero. Call the police????(actually maybe don’t???). I mean, Timecop cant be happy his turf is being messed with by people he has not assingned.

I took a step forward, then stopped as the faceless woman continued her work. Her fingers wriggled and crawled across the man’s scalp, just beneath his skin, burying his hair, reaching down to cover his ears. Trapping him in his own skin, so his own flesh was a hood over his face.

“Blake!”

I thought back to one idle thought I’d had in the past hours.

The house was a sanctuary against Other and practitioner both.

I glanced around me, then very carefully took a step back through the door, past the threshold and into the house.

Laird had come to the front door.

“He’s dying!”

There were rules. I couldn’t know which ones still held, here, which ones the locals had called off, while I was a problem. But there were rules.

I remained where I was, watching.

She held the cigarette aloft, poised as if she might take a puff at any moment, while her other hand pulled free, then plunged into his chest cavity.

The muffled grunts and violent jerks he made in response were worse than the screams.

The talkative one kept chattering, nonstop, the ‘children’ making little sounds of amusement, laughing and cooing. The others who’d joined in seemed content to watch, standing silently on the fringes.

I watched a car appear, traveling down the street from the opposite direction the delivery guy had come. The talkative one practically leaped, taking hold of the faceless woman. His momentum turned her around, and he leaned forward, simultaneously leaning her back, so they were pressed together, their bodies covering their victim. I could see the talkative one’s face stop an inch from the smudged blur of hers.

The car passed, the headlights illuminating what the people in the car would see as two embraced lovers, kissing at the side of the street. The remainder were hidden. I watched as the car reached the end of the road, stopping at a stop sign.

“Blake, salt is a purifying material, cleansing. It can work against certain Others,” Rose said. “There’s a ton in the study, if you can’t find any in the kitchen. Go and throw it at them!”

I didn’t move.

“Blake! Please!” She sounded desperate, now.

Make a salt gun. Slingshot the salt. Do not get close. Please Rose stop being so emotional. I do want to know of Blake has a plan, its looking increasingly like he has a plan. Is this deceitful? Not actually happening? The pizza guy over the phone seemed amused by the possibility of this happebing. Maybe its just to fuck with his head and its all going to be reversed soon, memories of the pain and all for the poor delivery guy. That would make much more contextual sense.

The car turned and disappeared out of sight. The two Others broke apart, and the faceless woman clawed at the talkative one. Vicious, angry, almost feral. He gave her only laughs in response, as he ducked out of the way.

The faceless woman gave up and turned back to her victim. I could see where she’d reached through his chest to grip the railing, fixing him to the metal.

Rose was screaming, now. “Damn you, Blake! Damn you! God! Fuck!”

She hit the mirror.

The noise Rose was making seemed to get attention. The talkative one looked up at me.

I slowly shook my head. I felt physically ill, all expression and utterances choked from me by the feeling of my heart in my throat.

But there was no fucking way I was going out there.

The talkative one said something to the others.

I saw the delivery guy lurch, tearing free in a mess of blood and ripped skin. His dislocated jaw hung down his teeth a bloody ruin.

He laughed, and it wasn’t a human sound.

When he joined the ‘children’ in cavorting about, I allowed myself to believe it. He wasn’t human. He had never been.

An Other, joining the faceless woman in some psychological warfare.

I could hear them laughing, in the two or so seconds it took me to slam the door.

“It was a trick?” Rose asked, as I crossed the room to where I’d left the mirror in the window. “They-”

I saw a movement immediately before Rose shrieked. I grabbed the mirror, pulling it away from the window.

The little ‘girl’ with the toothy mouth and the pigtails peeking out from a hat that hid her eyes, hair and ears had appeared just outside the window. She now scratched at the glass with long fingernails.

“They wanted me outside,” I said. “The house is a sanctuary, the property isn’t. Staying behind the railing like they were, it was meant to mislead us. I might have fallen for it, if Laird hadn’t come all the way to the front door.”

“They’re clever.”

“The book warned us they were.”

“How sure were you?” she asked. “That he wasn’t human?”

I didn’t answer. Rose was staring at me, and I avoided her gaze.

Others were scratching and tapping on windows, now. I heard a scrabbling, as if something was on the porch overhang.

“God,” Rose said.

“This is what Molly was dealing with,” I said, quiet. My heart was still pounding, my mouth so dry I needed to try three times before I could speak again, but the fear and helplessness were disappearing. I clenched my fist. “All on her lonesome. Hearing things just outside the house, all night. Nowhere good to go for help.”

“We’re not in a great place either,” Rose said.

“No. But we have each other,” I said. “You had my back last night, with Padraic. I might not have made it home in one piece without that. Thank you, by the way, if I haven’t already said.”

“You have, twice, but it’s okay. We’re figuring this out.”

I nodded. My thoughts were going a mile a minute, but I had trouble saying just what the destinations were.

“What are you thinking?” Rose asked.

“I’m thinking…” I said, trying to sum it up. “I think we’re almost ready.”

“Ready?”

“We’ve seen what kind of games the practitioners will play. We’ve seen how the Others function, in part. We have a sense of what we need to accomplish, and an abstract sense of how. And maybe it helps a little that I’m a bit scared and a lot angry.”

“You want to awaken,” she said.

I nodded. “Before the council meeting tomorrow. Getting a familiar, the tool, and the demesne is something that can wait.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “I think we should. You want to do it now, or do you need to eat first?”

“Two things, first,” I said. “Eating isn’t one of them.”

I dialed the pizza place again.

“Bell Pizza, what can I do you for?”

“Hi-”

“No,” he said. “Not doing business with you.”

“It’s about the pizza guy.”

“We never sent anyone. I asked a driver if he wanted to go, he said he wasn’t delivering to a haunted house.”

The irony being this house was maybe the least haunted locale in Jacob’s Bell.

“I say it isn’t haunted, but it’s owned by you fucks, isn’t it?”

“One of us,” I replied.

“You’re Assholes, all of you, holding all the rest of us back. You know my brother bought a place here, because this place was supposed to grow? Except you’re not selling, and it’s losing value every year, needing more repairs. You-”

These townies are both assholes and fucking stupid. You dont invest in something that is not 100% sure and then blame other people on it. Seriously, goddamn. You were a shit investor, get over it. "How could that rich fanily not sell their mansion, that money was MINE! :(" fuck off. The way these many people are interested in it, it would just end up being communism and everyone getting just a crumb of the pie.

“I just wanted to check the pizza guy wasn’t going to show,” I said, but he was talking over me.

“-off on the power, I think, bullies. Knowing you’re driving the rest of us into ruin. You want a fucking pizza?”

“I changed my mind a while ago, remember?”

“Fuck you. Fuck yourself! I already talked to the other pizza place. Don’t expect a thing, until you’ve sold that place. Fuck you.”

“Fine,” I said. “It’s just pizza.”

But he’d already hung up.

It’s just pizza, I told myself.

“Fuck,” I said, as my annoyance bubbled to the surface.

“You can’t be surprised. I mean, you knew people hated you here.”

“The woman at the coffee place was surprisingly respectful of the idea that I might be in mourning,” I said.

“Being a decent person and hating our guts isn’t mutually exclusive,” Rose said.

“Fuck,” I said again, still annoyed.

“It can’t be that big a deal, compared to what just happened outside.”

“You took a shower just a bit ago,” I said.

“Yeah?”

“Sorry to ask, but do you even get dirty, on that side?”

“No,” she said. “Pretty sure I don’t. Some dust, but I don’t sweat.”

“I’m guessing you needed to shower to enjoy a mundane comfort,” I said. “Feel a bit more human.”

“Alright,” Rose said. “Point taken. Sorry about your pizza.”

I shrugged.

“I could do with more human comforts myself,” she said.

I nodded, “Something to figure out. I’ll help any way I can. But first-”

“Awakening,” Rose said.

I nodded. “Meet you in the study.”

I took the stairs two at a time.

I’d opened the second secret door on the second floor, which made for a quicker arrival at the lower floor. The room was far darker without the sunlight from above.

I twisted the knobs of the two lamps that sat on and beside the desk, respectively. When the room was still too dark around the edges, I lit the oil lamps at the edges. Each lamp illuminated a slice of the bookcases, cabinets or shelves to either side of them. Where the lettering on books had been done in foil or a reflective material, the lamplight caught it, highlighting the scripts in a soft orange-yellow, while the books themselves remained dark.

By the time I’d finished, Rose had lit up the room on her side. The light from behind her made the edges of her clothes and hair glow.

She held a wrought-iron compass, with a spike in one end and chalk embedded in the other. I watched as she stabbed the floor, then walked in a circle, using the other arm to draw the wide circle in chalk.

She had the curved ruler that she used to measure the distance, then erased a spot. She was reaching for the compass again when she looked at me.

As the ins and outs of her existance remain a mystery, I didnt think of the possivility of her doing the ritual too. Or needing to do it in any way. Maybe we can get twice the magic power in one person, but I somehow doubt it. I think what counts for Blake counts for Rose.

“Blake?”

“You’re doing the ritual too?”

“If I can,” she said. “Aren’t you starting?”

“I said there were two things I needed to do first,” I said.

“Phoning the pizza place and…”

I crossed the room, lifting a book free of a shelf, then walked back into Rose’s field of view.

“No, Blake.”

I hefted the book. Diabolatry, R.D.T. The black cover was surprisingly flexible and soft, the lettering on the spine and cover were done in gold, catching the lamplight.

“No,” she said again, as if saying it over and over again with increasing intensity might drive it into my head.

“What was it you said?” I asked. “Stupid knee-jerk assumptions are going to get us killed?”

“I’m all for stupid knee-jerk assumptions when we’re dealing with that. Laird said they were the mystical equivalent of nuclear missiles.”

“I’m not proposing we use them. But I want to know what we’re dealing with.”

“Blake. You know that moment in the horror movies, where you’re screaming at the actors? ‘Don’t go up the stairs’, ‘don’t touch the glowing skull’? Don’t read the book.”

Would reading it be that destructive? Or does it only hold such implications of power that it draws you too much into it. Have you already read the book Rose?

I frowned.

“What are you even thinking?”

“That the things outside were horrifying, the faceless woman, the pseudo-faerie we ran into. So… why are these things so much worse? What makes them ‘nuclear’? We’re walking into that meeting, and I can’t help but think that everyone there is going to know exactly what’s going on here, and we’re going to be in the dark. We can’t afford to look weak or stupid.”

“We are weak and stupid,” Rose said. “We’re untrained, ignorant, out of the loop, and we don’t have any of the good stuff that practitioners bring to the table. No tools, no familiars, no demesnes, no tricks or any of that.

“We can’t afford to let on how badly off we are. Having one tidbit of info we can allude to, to scare the pants off them if we need it-”

“-Is liable to get us killed,” Rose finished for me. “I get it, wanting to know just what we’re sitting on, but handling the dangerous goods is not the way to find out.”

I hefted the book, feeling its weight.

“Come on,” she said, lowering her voice to be gentler, “I compromised earlier. Can you do the same?”

“Damn it,” I said.

“Is that a ‘yes’ damn it or a ‘no’ damn it?”

“Yes,” I said.

I moved to put the book on the bookshelf. A flap of paper caught on the shelf, keeping me from sliding it into place.

When I pulled the book back, the paper dropped. Fragments of dry wax and a small key danced across the floor.

Folded into thirds, it had been sealed into an envelope of sorts by wax. The key had apparently been melted into the wax, only to be freed by the impact.

“Leave it,” Rose said. “Nothing good comes of that. Sweep it under the desk, ignore it. Please?”

“I would,” I said, “But wax makes a seal, and that seal just broke.”

“That’s reaching,” Rose said.

“Okay, maybe,” I said. “But tell me you can’t imagine a drawing of something coming to life and crawling free of that page.”

“Now you’re being manipulative,” Rose said, “Playing to my paranoia.”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

With the way things work in figurative ways and meanings, yes, that is very plausible, but also what a nice little fuck-up we have stumbled on.

“Yes, I can imagine it. Yes, are you happy?”

I wasn’t. I picked up the page. On the backside, there were only two words.

My heiress.

I turned it around.

My heiress,

If you’ve come this far, there must be a pressing need. You’ve been driven into a corner, or the situation is otherwise dire. I imagine time may well be paramount. Remember that haste makes waste, and you must step with utmost care from this point on.

I’ve left you something, or perhaps it is more correct to say I’ve left you someone. I refer to him as Barbatorem, making a small joke, as I tend to do, but he is an older one, bearing some status and a few stories from years past, with no name of any meaning that has survived the passage of time. You should be able to find those stories and notes on that status in Dark Names, p. 38.

You’ll find him waiting in the tower room, which you will need the key to enter. Staying outside the circle is first in your list of things to keep in mind, which I list here because there are no better places to put the warning. I should hope such obvious things don’t need to be stated.

Do we have a demon in the attic? I think we have a demon in th attic.

Cast aside all notion of manners. Do not greet him, do not ever say please or thank him. Do not ask him if he would or could do something. Give him no food or succor. There are older meanings in these things and they will either free him or give him power over you. Sometimes it is very little power, and sometimes it is all the power he needs to achieve his ends.

Put aside all metal and reflective things before entering the tower room, and ensure the space remains dark. He exists in a more abstract capacity, whatever physical forms he takes, and if his image is cast in a surface, he will exist in that surface, allowing him to step free of that surface and the confines of the circle. For these same reasons, do not ever look directly at him, even for a moment, lest he be reflected in your eyes. Rest assured, he will not ever step free once he dwells there.

So, no Rose. Cool. But also very cool concept. Having a demon in your eyes doesn't sound pleasing. Was Grandma so rude because she got too used to interacting to being like this? I think thats far-fetched, but a possible theory

He perceives the passage of time differently than we do. He’ll be content to sit in the circle I drew out until the sun grows cold. For him, the conversation is ongoing, and you’ll need to see the notes on his page in Dark Names so you can continue from where I, and each member of our line, left off. Failure to do so may confuse or irritate him. In any case, you can come and go, and he’ll see no difference in it. He does not speak, which led me to use the shorthand for gestures you’ll find on the final page of his entry. Please maintain those notes consistently, for those who come after you.

So, wait, he cant speak, so you use gestures, but you also cant look at him? I'm thinking that I'm missing something.

If you intend to deal with him, use one of the templates outlined in Dark Contracts, which I left to the right of the desk. Page 15, 17, 29 and 77 are good places to look, if you find yourself in a hurry. Do not improvise, for words must be chosen with utmost care. The final third of the book has recommended terminology with examples, which you can insert into the templates as needed. Do not trust Mr. Beasley or his firm for assistance. They are, quite naturally, unreliable on this front.

Failing all else, keep your eyes on the painted circle, stay silent, and keep to the contracts found in my books. You can consult my texts if you have any further questions. I regret that I am unable to assist you here,

R.D.T.

“What is it?” Rose asked. “The look on your face scares me.”

The look on my face? I touched my face.

“You look like someone just died.”

“No,” I said. “No.”

I moved to put the letter down on the desk, and it slid off. I picked it up again, tried to put it on the desk, and the corner of the paper caught, bouncing it out of my hand and back onto the floor.

On the third attempt, I turned it over, examining it under the light. Sky blue ink on white, barely visible, outlining a script that was reminiscent of the rune that Laird had drawn in sugar.

Holding it firmly in both hands, I set it down on the table, pressing it down in place. It stayed.

A moment later, as I turned to make sure I’d put the book away properly, I generated a brush of air that sent the letter to the floor again.

Once disturbed, apparently, it was insistent on staying disturbed.

Experimentally, I tore it, a little tear to cross the sky blue symbols. When I put it down this time, it stayed down.

“You’re scaring me, Blake.”

“She left something behind,” I said.

“Something?”

“Something Other. Fitting to her particular specialty. It’s upstairs.”

“No.” Seeing Rose, I had a sense of how I probably looked.

“I need to check,” I said.

There was no argument this time. Chances were good she was too stunned to say anything.

The black-painted key in hand, I made my way up the ladder, out the door to the top floor, and then up the staircase to the tower room.

I checked everything, then pulled off my sweatshirt, in case the tab on the zipper counted as reflective. I swept my hands over my entire body to double-check.

The key clicked in the lock. I let the door swing open. When I moved my eyes, I did so with care, keeping to the periphery of the room, then inching closer.

The round window jutted out to my right, with a cushioned bench beneath for sitting on. Once upon a time, it would have been a good spot for reading. Now, it was shuttered and locked, with old books stacked on the bench like bricks. A table sat to my left, stacked with papers that were securely weighed down.

The floor… I saw the circle, painted in white. ‘Circle’ was perhaps an understatement, given the concentric circles and lines that sprawled across the floor, burdened with embellishment, scripts and geometric shapes, as well as other smaller circles hosting more of the same.

It didn’t take long for my eyes to see it.

A pair of shears, no doubt fallen from the table, impaled a line in the innermost circle of the diagram on the floor.

Nothing stood within.

You could have asked me to theorize, but I would NOT have guessed that the empty thing by the end was to be a summoning circle. Are the shears the problem? Interrupting the symbol? Doesnt it count as reflective? Do we have a demon locked in a useless household object, that would be pretty hilarious.

I’m thankful that this wasn’t build up then, it really was a last time sort of deal. I’m starting to doubt that the meeting will be had in this Arc, unless this is one of the long ones. Maybe two, three more chapters? I just don’t expect it to be resolved in a single chapter and it would be good to end the Arc with it. I still have yet to discover if this story has Interludes, since I don’t know much about Twig in no way whatsoever and how it tells its story. Maybe the Interlude will be happening in the meeting? Getting one more of those famous “alien” perspectives Wildbow is so good at doing, from an Other, seeing everything from its eyes would be really good to have this early on, for perspective. Seeing how they think. But maybe confusing if overdone. Someone who is FRIENDS with Others or who already knows how they work might be best. Maybe the girl with the Other friend with the big smile. My speculation is that the people in the meeting will all gang up on Blake and it’ll be overwhelming, but one of two characters will show no interest in it, or feign it very well. Someone will start a conflict that will overwhelm the rest of the conversation and just unbalance everything, for our character’s luck.

NEXT TIME: I intended to post this last week, but sleep schedules, finishing up some university day-job before christmas plus getting further on an Internship selection process I REALLY didn’t expect to get further on got in the way. Then came festivities and you know the rest. I’ll be going on a trip tomorrow, but I felt that I HAD to squeeze this in somewhere. I’ll be back around the 8th, since the process will be back by then. I have NO IDEA what they’ll have me do and how I’ll manage my time then. But I’ll leave this note here for you and for myself to remind all of you: When I figure out whatever battery of tasks these maniacs will have me do in the middle of my vacation, I will schedule my next liveblog. I’ll be doing as always and bringing with me the next chapter (Bonds 1.7) with me on my cellphone, doing notes as I read it, which will be posted as soon as I either finish it or have internet (I’ll be in the middle of the woods, if everything goes right, from the 29th to the 5th). I hope you all had a VERY demon-free Christmas or any other religious or comercial festivities you partake in, and that you have the gayest new year. See you all in 2018!!!

#CodeZeta liveblogs #pact #PactArc1 #Pact1.6

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crocodilenialledfics · 7 years

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Their love shouldn't have been so intense. Niall shouldn't have been able to bring her to her knees like this. Niall wasn't quite sure what he did to deserve her but there's nothing in the world he wouldn't do for her.

flashback to where it all started, Soren or Ren for short was 26. she was a journalist at The Rolling stone- in fact the youngest yet. she was incredibly proud of where she was and she definitely didn't take it for granted.

Ren prided herself in capturing the real essence of what music should be. She covered the section on Music reviews- Ren's Review. the name alone made her sick but it's what made her money.

Ren, however hated phonies, and that was exactly what Niall was. the music industry grew up without him. it was now 2017 and he was still whining about a girl that so clearly broke his heart. how many times could one person write about it? it worked for the classics but as Niall overused the same four chords and same sad lyrics, Ren thought her head would explode.

It wasn't anything personal- except for the fact that he was a complete douche to his fans and barely gave anyone an ounce of respect- also, he refused an interview with her. refused. Ren was both annoyed and angry and feeling lots of resentment towards the male race when she wrote the article. did she mean everything she said? of bloody course she did. would she take it back? absolutely not.

when Niall’s management called her, Ren was already not in the mood. Niall was washed up, plain and simple. as if her opinion changed the worlds opinion of him? probably not but he was whiny anyways. she'd even sent an early copy before publishing it.

With unbridled ambition and stubbornness, Ren agreed to meet with some people on the behalf of Niall. Ren internally scoffed because if he was so upset why couldn't he meet with her instead.

"hello, i'm Janice," the woman introduced herself. "i'm the media head. this is Dane, Mr. Horan’s image consultant."

"nice to meet you both," she smiled, shaking their hands. they sat down at the table and ordered drinks.

"so i've heard Mr. Horan has an issue with the article i've written?" Ren asked, glazing over the menu.

"yes we were actually hoping you could make a few changes," Janice said. "just so it doesn't totally ruin his career."

"look," Ren closed her menu. "it's the truth. I guess it's not blatantly clear but then again your management team has yet to master what promo really means. Niall’s image, as hard as you've tried to preserve it, has gone to shite. until his music is real and meaningful, my opinion won't be changed and i will still publish the article."

"is there any price?" Dane asked, pulling his check book out. "you name it and-"

"save it Dale," she picked her menu up. "i'm thinking about the steak, what about you?"

"oh-uh it's Dane actually," he replied meekly.

"right," she nodded, looking him up and down.

Niall was livid. he read the article. he reread it, even. everything was a lie. Anger coursed through him the more he read the word.

washed up pop star

the same three chords used over & over again

unoriginal lyrics derived from horrible writers

how long can he use the same worn down archetypes without people noticing?

does he even care about his fans who have done nothing but support him through thick and thin times?

Niall was already on the phone with Janice as he went out the door. He headed straight to the main office ready to tear this Soren Maude a new one.

Janice advised him to keep calm, to let it blow over except he was insulted and pissed off. Soren had absolutely no right to criticize him when he didn't even know the half of it.

Niall marched right into the office of Rolling stone ready to butt heads with someone.

"i need to speak with a Soren Maude, please," he demanded, arms crossed over his face.

"I'm sorry Soren isn't available right now," the receptionist said. he looked right past Niall as if he didn't even exist.

"i need to speak to him now," Niall insisted.

exasperated, he sighed. the bloke picked up the phone. "Ren, Niall Horan is here to see you. he won't go away."

the receptionist hung up the phone and went back to his computer. impatient was what Niall was.

"so?" he asked, getting angrier by the second.

"so you better lose your attitude real quick," he looked up at Niall. "Ren will knock ya head off. first second on the left."

Niall shook his head and grunted. he couldn't wait to meet this Soren. He sauntered down the hall with everything he had to say on the the tip of his tongue.

"I need to speak with a Soren Maude," Noah said as he approached the open door.

"that's me," a small brunette with glasses said. she only came up to niall's nose and well, how could he yell at her? "can i help you with something?"

"i uh- um yes," he faltered. "you- you wrote that article about me?"

"yeah," she nodded. "is there a problem?"

"yeah," he nodded, eyebrows furrowed. "what's wrong is that it's complete slander!"

"it's not slander if it's true," she closed a folder in front of her. "and everything i wrote was true. your lyrics are weak. they're overused and repetitive. four albums with the same thing over and over again. your fans are disappointed, Niall."

"you have no right!" he exclaimed. "you don't know anything about my fans!"

"I did research before publishing it," she stood up. "I talked to your fans. i talked to music majors. do you know what makes song great?"

"relatableness and a good hook- my songs have great hooks!"

"no Niall," she closed her door. "a good song makes you feel, it makes you think- you can see yourself in a good song."

"and what makes you so qualified?" Niall asked, eyebrow raised.

"i went to school for this," she looked him up and down. "are you trying to discredit my credentials to make yourself feel better?"

"well I just don't see how someone like you gets to decide what's good and bad," he crossed his arms over his chest.

"someone like me?" she asked. "like a young woman?" she asked. "like my opinion is invalid- tell me, Niall. if this Soren you came looking for was in fact a dude how would you react? very different i presume."

"no that's- that's not true," he stuttered, taking a step back.

"like hell it isn't," she leaned on her desk. "besides you don't even write your own songs anymore so why is it such a big deal? i know it isn't your fault. your team is sticking you with the same image you've been with since you were eighteen but the least you could do is put a little heart into it. put real feelings, emotions. songs are supposed to be relatable but not so much that every song sounds like a boring top forties."

"it's not as easy as you think," he turned away. "it's not like you know anything about the industry anyways. thanks for the bloody great review, i really appreciate it".

"Niall-"

Niall shook his head, heading for the door, slamming the door behind him. the worst part was that everything she said, Niall knew was true.

As Niall mulled over Ren's so boisterous opinion, he found that accepting it was harder than he originally thought.

Niall came to his conclusion a week later. he cried a bit, got angry, got proper pissed drunk and then his mind was clear and made up. he needed to see her.

This time, Niall waited patiently for Ren to return from her lunch break. she came walking in with a tall brown haired lad. they looked awfully close and somewhere deep within Niall, he felt jealous.

"Niall... hi," she greeted here. "who are you here to see?"

"uh you, actually," he stood up. "i was hoping we could talk."

"yeah sure," she nodded. "i actually have some running to do for my boss. want to come?"

"uh i guess," he nodded, a little confused.

"great," she smiled. "let me get my coat."

Ren returned a few minutes later carrying a box. she handed it to Niall and took a bag from the receptionist, who Niall learned was named Jamie.

"let's go," she told him, already waiting for him in the elevator.

Niall noticed how fast Ren was. she was always moving so fast, Niall almost couldn't keep up. almost. he was taken aback by it. she was like a flurry of brown curls and papers. she was a hurricane, personified.

"where are we going?" Niall asked, getting into the passenger seat. he was mildly impressed by the Mercedes she drove.

"we need to go to the post office to drop that box off- bloody Tomlinson can't meet deadlines to save his arse- there's people to do this you know?" she shook her head. "sorry that's off topic- you wanted to talk?"

"right yeah," he nodded, sitting up. "so i wanted to talk about the article you wrote."

"look Niall i won't unpublished it or change it or make a statement," she sigh exasperated. "i meant it and i just refuse to take it back."

"no i know i don't- i don't want you too," he shook his head. "i wanted to talk to you about how i could write better songs? like tips i guess?"

"my opinion shouldn't change what you think about yourself," she furrowed her eyebrows.

"i know it doesn't but like i've been feeling this way for a while, you know? like i've been in this mental block- my music is nothing i'd ever listen to. it's cringy. i want to write meaningful music."

"you don't have substance," she told him. the car pulled to a stop. "you need feelings, emotions. take a word and run with it. brain storm. really dig deep. your biggest fears. a feeling you've had. something that is real- i cant stress that enough. stop singing about the girl you couldn't get and start singing about the way that girl makes you feel. like gut wrenching heart break or love so deep it'll bring tears to your eyes."

Niall nodded, "i think i know what you mean."

"get with some good writers," she encouraged him. "like Julian. he's sick to work in the studio with. he's a friend. i'll ask him about you. don't be afraid to be vulnerable, yeah?"

"okay," Niall nodded. "i'll try.“

hey it's Niall.. i had some lyrics i wanted to run by you, if you're willing?

Ren bit her lip, setting her phone down on the table. did she really wanna get into this?

come by my office around two Ren wrote back hesitantly. she clicked send and held her breath.

"so what are we going for?" Ren asked, sitting up.

"dunno," he chuckled, scratching his neck nervously. "i just wrote down some things."

'Lips so good i forget my name. i swear i could give you everything.'

'i don't need my love baby you can take it. you can break it...'

"i didn't quite finish that thought though," he pointed at the last one.

"s'good," she nodded.

'if tomorrow won't be mine, baby won't you give it to me one last time?'

'I ain't up for debating, Ain't enough for the taking, you got the whole world shaking'

'I keep on holding tight now, cause your body's telling me don't let go'

"these are all really good," Ren nodded, handing him the crumpled piece of paper back. "i really mean it- they could really be something."

"you think?" he asked nervously.

"for sure," she nodded. "i really mean it," she repeated. "here let me- i'll send these to Julian."

"think he'll help?" Niall asked.

Ren nodded with a smile. "his producer Liam is aces."

to Niall: scheduled a session with Julian & a few writers be there or be square

Niall chuckled, shoving his phone back into his pocket. a square was what he wouldn't be.

Wolves. wolves came the easiest. the more he read the lyrics, the more he fell in love with it. recording in the studio was the best feeling in the world. it was coming so easy to him.

as Niall ran through the melody one more time, Jamie called him in to record it one last time. he was certain this would be the best one.

as niall poured his heart out, he hadn't even noticed Ren walk in. only when he stepped out did he notice her. she wasn't in her usual work clothes. she wore a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt but somehow it made her even more irresistible.

"that was amazing," she smiled. "those lyrics are really good- when'd you guys finish?"

"a little while ago," Julian answered. "niall's killing it in here!"

"i got chills!" Ren laughed. she shook Niall by his shoulders. "you gave me chills!"

"so i made you feel then?" he asked, amused.

"yes!" she laughed.

Niall felt pride wash over him. he made her feel.

Niall couldn't stay away no matter how hard he tried because well... after she saw him record, something changed. something within Niall changed. he didn't see her as the girl that wrecked his career, more as the one that opened his eyes.

it seemed that Ren couldn't stay away either. she showed up more and more often at the studio. she encouraged niall and acted like she really wanted to help him. Harry Styles had also popped in quite frequently, helping Niall out. They met while Niall recorded wolves and he offered his advice. Ren and her were good friends through the business. She considered him to be a good friend.

"harry," Ren whispered as Niall recorded the guitar parts.

"hm?" he hummed, sitting back. "what's wrong?"

"i um," she coughed, nervously adjusting her glasses. "i think... i think i may fancy Niall just like a tiny bit."

"you think?" harry asked, eyeing her cautiously.

"like a little bit," she nodded.

"what are we gonna do about this?" harry asked with a chuckle.

"well like he seeked me out for help, you know?" Ren mumbled. she sighed. "he's like billionaire popstar- shags upteen girls a month. he wouldn't-"

"don't finish that sentence," harry warned.

"he wouldn't want a girl like me," she rushed out.

"ren!" he shouted, shoving her.

Niall emerged from the recording room just as Ren laughed against harry. he set his guitar up and sat down next to harry. "what's so funny?"

"Ren is being intolerable," harry rolled his eyes. "see, she fancies this bloke-"

"h, no," she whined, covering her face with her hands.

"she fancies him and doesn't think the feelings are mutual- isn't that a load?" Harry asked.

"definitely," Niall nodded. he looked Ren up and down.

Ren's face burned red. she shook her head, grabbing her purse off of the table. "right well i've to go- early meeting."

"i'll walk you out," Niall offered, standing up.

the elevator ride down to the first floor was silent Ren felt anxious the whole time. it probably had to do with harry's transparency and her inability to control her embarrassment.

"so i hope you get the whole bloke* thing sorted," Niall told her as they walked towards the doors.

"yeah," she coughed awkwardly. "thanks. me too."

"so big meeting," he commented, nodding.

"right, yeah," she nodded. "you sounded great today."

he smiled, "thanks."

Ren shuffled around her apartment. she balanced a glass of wine in one hand and a bowl of popcorn in the other. she tucked her phone under her chin, heading for the living room. the buzzer rang maker her curse.

she set her things down and pushed the intercom. "yeah?"

muffled, "its Niall."

Ren, furrowed her eyebrows and unlocked the door. "come on up."

Ren paused the television and unlocked her door. when Niall knocked, she took a moment to breath. she opened the door with a smile. "hey."

"oh am i- am i interrupting?" Niall asked, eyes widening like he hadn't even thought of it.

"no no just r and r, come in," Ren opened the door for him to come in.

"want some wine?" she asked, offering him her glass.

"ah no," Niall chuckled. "i drove.. but um i was- have you been online lately?"

"as in..." Ren trailed off.

"as in have you googled either me or you in the last *hm twenty four hours?" he asked, sitting down across from her.

"um no," she raised an eyebrow. "should i?"

"no uh definitely not!" he rushed out. "just- there have been a few reports of things between us as more than just colleagues."

colleagues. ouch.

"oh," she replied quietly.

"i didn't want you to get freaked out or anything my PR. they needed a story i guess," he shrugged. "i just wanted to clear things up and i hope this didn't mess anything up with that bloke of yours."

"oh no..." she trailed off. "it didn't quite work out."

"that's shite," he frowned empathetically.

"yeah..." she sighed, sitting up. "so was there something else or..."

"no that's it," he smiled. "sorry for dropping by so late i was just worried."

"yeah s'fine," she nodded. "i've a show to watch so."

"right yeah," he nodded. "and thanks so much for hooking me up with Julian and Harry. they're brill."

"yeah," she forced out a smile.

and something about it sounded suspiciously like a goodbye which maybe she wasn't exactly ready for. she frowned as he left. how could a person be so oblivious?

it was the American Music Awards. this was important- for The Rolling Stone. they sent Ren on the red carpet to snag some words from a few newer faces. it was fun. it gave Ren an excuse to dress up and drink champagne that was way too expensive.

Ren saw Niall down the other end of the carpet. he looked amazing. Ren frowned, looking away. Louis nudged her and scolded her with a look. she sighed. "sorry."

"look there's Andra Day," he pointed to her. "she'd have a few words to say."

Ren approached her with a warm smile and a hand shake. "I'm Ren and this is Louis. we're from rolling stone mag and i was wondering...."

Niall was making his way through the interviews and photos. he saw Ren when he least expected it. all train of thought was lost. Ren laughed, squeezing Charlie Puth's shoulder. he narrowed his eyes. of all people.

Charlie pulled Ren in for a hug. he rubbed her back in a way that wasn't exactly as platonic as he'd hoped. Niall remembers the charlie puth article well. she raved about his melodies and the riffs- the riffs. she just loved his riffs. if you asked Niall, his music was only alright.

Janice nudged Niall and shook her head disapprovingly. "Niall cut it out."

"just look at them!" he scoffed. Niall shook his head. "disgusting- he's always jumping on the next girl."

"it doesn't matter," Janice, told him, voice stern. "you can't date. especially not her."

"and what's that supposed to mean?" he asked, eyebrows furrowed. the fact that Ren has a higher IQ than most of the girls he's dated said a lot to Niall. she was different.

"she's got virtually no status, babe," Janice shook her head. "you don't need that."

"so all you care about is what makes money?" Niall asked. "really? it's been five years and you can't-can't even throw me this bone."

"money is first- always," she fluffed his hair and sent him down to the next interviewer that was waiting.

Ren was sat two tables to the left of Niall. the table was handpicked because no way would Liam, Harry and Niall have been put together by chance.

Ren shook her head. Louis laughed, handing her his glass of champagne. "y'alright?"

"look at him, Louis. flirting with Selena gomez," she shook her head again.

"it's called being friendly," Louis told her, sitting up. "and don't freak out. nothing's certain."

"except the fact that they're leaving together tonight," Ren scoffed, putting her phone down.

Louis continued to watch Selena and Niall. it looked friendly. if there was some sort of attraction, you could tell. Louis shrugged. he stirred his water, watching the rest of Niall's table. Liam was talking on the phone completely ignoring everything.

“Let’s go say hi,” Louis suggested. He’d worked with each of them two so they were well acquainted.

Harry greeted Ren with a kiss on the cheek and shook Louis’s hand. He immediately dove into a story about who he’d seen with way too much detail.

"ren," a voice interrupted them. ren internally rolled her eyes.

she looked up and smiled. "hi."

"you look amazing," Niall said, standing up. he hugged her and kissed her on the cheek.

"thanks," she replied, stepping back. "anyways harry are we still on for brunch tomorrow?" Ren asked.

"of course," he grinned.

"Harry and i always have brunch after these things. he helps me do best and worst dressed for my blog," Ren smiled. "actually Louis you should come. it's hilarious. We've made bets on who it'd be. I say Taylor momden but Harry says Gaga- but she looks amazing in everything- even the meat dress."

"Right," harry laughed. "who do you say?"

"i gotta say my girl Mariah," Louis shook his head. "she's my queen but no."

"brunch tomorrow?" Niall asked.

"wanna come?" Harry asked him. "it's a lot of fun."

"sounds ace," he smiled. Ren cringed.

Ren dreaded brunch. she purposely invited louis because she knew harry and Louis got on well and he was an absolute riot. now she felt like harry was plotting against her and Ren didn't quite like that feeling.

Ren and Louis were the first ones there. She ordered a coffee, and shifted in her seat. “god i hate harry," Ren shook her head. "Niall just dropped me you know? as soon as i gave him the smallest info he was like great thanks but i don't really need to talk to you anymore- if he even tries it i swear."

"what are you gonna do?" louis asked. "blush and look away- don't fool yourself Ren."

Ren rolled her eyes at Louis. She pulled her ipad out as Harry sat down. Harry sent Ren a bright smile. she rolled her eyes at him.

"cheer up, buttercup," harry grinned.

"i'm angry at you," she muttered.

"why?" he laughed.

"you invited Niall!" she cried. "you know my feelings on that situation."

"he wanted to come," harry defended himself. "would you have told him no?"

"yes," ren huffed. "louis here is special so i invited him. he's got sass and i feel like i need to write something with sass."

"everything you write has sass," Harry snorted. "and that's not an exaggeration."

"figures he'd be late, though." Ren rolled her eyes. "typical snobby pop star."

"heyyy," harry frowned.

"no you're different," Ren promised him. "your a nice genuine human being that didn't lose himself in fame. you're you. it's refreshing."

"what's refreshing?" Niall asked, greeting them. he smiled brightly.

"harry," Ren shrugged. "he's a genuine human being. it's refreshing to meet one of those."

"yeah i know what you mean," Niall agreed. "it is refreshing."

Ren looked away, smiling at louis. she breathed out a sigh feeling the tension settle over them.

"right so best dressed?" Louis asked, setting them all back on to the task at hand.

"right," ren nodded. "so you've all got best dressed people?"

Niall nodded as did harry. "what if they're not celebrities per say?"

"then what are they?" Ren asked, leaning forward.

"well i mean..." he trailed off, setting his phone on the table.

It was a photo of Ren from the back. her head was turned only slightly. her dress flowed down effortlessly much like her brunette curls.

Ren sat back, shock settling in. "me?"

Niall nodded. "yeah."

Louis and harry exchanged a look. Niall stared into Ren's eyes. she looked away too quick for him to read her eyes.

"right well i can't exactly vote meself as best dressed," she chuckled nervously, looking away.

Niall smiled watching as she became flustered. she nervously tapped on the ipad until Louis offered his opinion.

Ren would totally take the piss for this later from louis.

"Niall Horan has had a rough couple of months. Rolling stone magazines, Soren Maude tore him a new one right after his newest album, Take Me home was released. According to a source Soren and Niall continued to work together especially on this song. here's your exclusive first listen to Niall Horan's newest single! here's his newest sound, Wolves."

Ren's eyes widened as the first riff came across the radio. she was shook. Niall's voice was clear and bright and everything she didn't know she needed. Niall's new sound was transforming right before her eyes and the thing was, it was all because of her.

Ren'a phone rang making her jump. she grabbed it off of the table, answering. "hello?"

"Ren!" a voice shouted. "Turn on the radio!"

"i am i am!" she yelled.

"doesn't he sound amazing!" harry exclaimed.

he really does, ren thought and it was the purest thought she's had all day. Ren smiled to herself. she was proud of Niall.

Niall opened his door. the delivery man handed him a large basket filled with fruit, cheese, wine, and a t-shirt. it had a card stuck to it: congratulations!! he furrowed his eyebrows. "who's this from?"

the delivery man looked down at his sheet. "uh it says The Rolling Stone!”

Niall smiled. "thanks a lot."

Ren had just returned back to the office after meeting up with Charlie Puth. they first met a few months ago and he offered to take her out for lunch. how could she resist?

it's like Niall just knew. he knew when Ren was moved on. it was the only reasonable explanation why he was even there. media caught wind and Niall had to be the first one to tell her why it's a bad idea.

"is the boy Charlie?" Niall asked, following Ren into her office.

"no," she replied hesitantly. "why?"

"because you went to lunch with him," Niall stated plainly. "i don't think you should hang out with him."

"and why not?" ren asked, raising an eyebrow.

"because he's... he's got a record, Ren. he talks to like a million girls and he's not quiet about it. you'll end up plastered on his twitter page by the time you wake up."

"you don't even know what you're talking about," Ren huffed. "it was business and i told you the thing with the bloke fizzled out."

"yeah but i know you don't give up that easily," he smiled. "besides i just- Charlie Puth?"

"What i hate more than someone telling me who i can't see is someone that thinks they're entitled to dictate my life," Ren turned around. "Niall don't start with me."

"i'm just looking out for you!" he cried, sitting down, exasperated.

"no," Ren shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "if you can parade Selena Gomez around than i can do whatever the hell with whoever the hell i want."

"Ren that's not even- it's not the same," he shook his head. "you don't understand."

"you're right i don't!" she laughed humorlessly. "i don't understand why you think you have a right to tell me who i can or can't date or see or whatever."

"fine but don't say i didn't warn you," Niall stood up.

'spotted! Charlie Puth and writer Soren Maude getting cozy in a sweet NYC cafe. Bye Bye Bella! Could Soren be Charlie's next GF?'

a source close to soren says that the two have been getting pretty close after she wrote an article about him last fall. the source also says that Soren expects this to get really serious really soon! Now nothing's confirmed but if Charlie's tweets are anything to go by, we should expect a confirmation soon! we look forward to seeing more of these two!

Ren clenched her jaw, tossing her phone down onto her bed. this had Niall written all over it.

so niall was called into his managements office early the next morning. he was a bit weary granted he leaked some information to the media- it wasn't exactly true but nonetheless.

Niall hesitantly sat down. Janice and Dane, along with the rest of his team stared at him as he situated himself.

"glad you could join us," Janice raised an eyebrow. "so you've been busy, huh?"

"look it wasn't- i didn't plan on doing it," he mumbled.

"i could care less about that bloody article," she huffed. "the real problem is that we miscalculated- big time."

"erm what?" Niall asked, confused as to what was going on.

"it seems that soren is a very prominent figure in the media world- her social media has nearly sixty thousand followers and she tweets about real stuff like the syrian refugees and- and global news. she's socially aware and as we try to strengthen your image, Soren is the way to go."

"Janice is right," Dane nodded. "you don't have many friends or even people you could say are on your side so an in with Rolling Stone would do wonders for you."

"soren and i aren't really talking right now," Niall told them. he shook his head becoming frustrated with himself all over again.

"make it work, do you hear me?" Janice warned. "your image is vital for your next album coming up. your single was perceived well but it was the one that would make the most money. if Soren writes a good review than we're set."

"but she won't," niall corrected her. "no matter if we're friends or not, she cares about music. if my music sucks she won't tell the world it's good. she isn't like that."

"then we'll just have to make her do it," Janice shrugged.

"you're gonna pay me how much to write a good review on him?" Ren asked, eyes wide.

"Niall's image is important. you write this review and the media will get off your back, simple as that," Janice shrugged.

holy hell, ren thought. desperateness lingered in the air. Ren momentarily thought about abandoning her values for that lump sum. Ren left undecided and distraught. what was more important?

Ren set her tablet down on the table and anxiously clicked her pen. needless to say, Ren's boss all but forced her into it. She threatened to give Louis Ren's job.

Niall sat down across from her. he smiled. "hey."

"i'm still pissed at you," Ren told him. "but i'm being forced to do this so it's whatever. let's just get this over with."

"okay," he nodded, shifting in his seat.

Ren clicked the voice recorder on and propped it on the table. she sighed heavily, rereading the questions that were prewritten for her.

"so with a new album coming out, you've also decided on a new sound. how do you describe this new sound?" Ren asked.

"Well a good friend of mine pushed me to really challenge myself with the writing. she inspired me to use my real emotions not just the ones i thought people wanted to hear. I really owe it all to her because over the years i'd lost my love for writing almost giving up completely and now i have a lot to be thankful for."

Ren sat up and clicked the recorder off. "seriously cut the crap."

"it's not crap. it's the truth," he replied, tone biting.

"you do talk some shit don't you Horan," she shook her head. ren turned the recorder back on and sighed.

"so fans have been dying to know about the inspiration behind these songs? are they just from feelings or real life experiences or what's going on there?" Ren asked.

"quite a few of them are based on real situations i've been in though i can't reveal any names yet. I think the biggest inspiration behind this album is the concept of home, you know? like as i travel and move from place to place there's no where that really feels like home anymore and thorough these songs i don't know they just- they feel like home."

and wow. Ren wasn't expecting that. she begrudgingly felt herself become more and more captivated by him. Ren mentally cursed himself because this wasn't supposed to happen.

"right," she breathed out. "so how do you think your fans- or really anyone that listens to the album will react?"

"good hopefully," Niall chuckled. "i've poured everything into this album so i'm really nervous to see how people respond."

Ren rolled her eyes as she read the next question to herself. "fans have been going crazy over photos of you and Selena gomez last month. any juicy details you wanna share?"

"no," he chuckled. "Sel and i are good friends. we collabed last year and got to know each other. she's a really great singer- amazing vocals."

Ren sighed again. "so there's been a small leak with a few of your songs how d'you feel?"

"i actually had no idea," he laughed. "but wow first i'd like to know how?"

ren shook her head. "really couldn't tell ya."

Niall reached forward and clicked he voice recorded off. he raised an eyebrow at her. "what's wrong?"

"these questions are shite!" she exclaimed. "this is clearly only a pr stunt. i cant- i'm sorry i cant write this."

"it's not that bad," he shrugged.

"i write for the rolling stone, Niall," she shook her head. "if this gets published like it's a gossip magazine then everyone's in trouble."

"well it is a Pr stunt," he clarified. "and this falls back on both of our managers."

"no," she sat up. ren turned the voice recorder on and opened a new page in her notebook. "in a past interview you mentioned that a lot of your music was inspired by classics like The eagles, Fleetewood mack, sinatra- why do you sing pop which is clearly the opposite of them?"

Niall chuckled wryly. "right so those are really who i grew up listening to and i guess i've always had dreams of becoming someone like them not necessarily being exactly who they are and i guess Pop is where i can succeed."

"okay," Ren smiled. "so do you have any advice for someone just starting out?"

Niall smiled. "the Industry is hard to break into so the most important thing to remember is don't give up. someone believes in you even if it doesn't seem like it. usually it gets harder before it gets better but it's all worth it when you get to do what you love."

"is this what you love?" ren asked. "i mean there have been times where you've felt discouraged? where it almost seemed like you'd give up?"

"yeah, actually," he cleared his throat. he sat up. "this happened about two years ago my mum she lost her battle to leukemia and it was probably the hardest thing i've ever gone through," he shook his head. "when she was gone it seemed like there wasn't a reason. for life. she was my world, you know? but as time went on i found that life got easier."

"you never- songs never came from that?" Ren asked.

Niall gave her a look. "my team said it wouldn't sell."

"so most of your career has been dictated by what would sell?" Ren asked.

Niall sighed, "you know you can't publish any of this right?"

ren shrugged. "just maybe i will. now answer the question."

"then yes. i'd say the sound i have now is mine- like properly mine. i wrote with some really amazing people and i guess basically i've produced this on my own without my team breathing down the neck. from the singles to-to the artwork, it's all really mine."

"so music is obviously your life..." she nodded.

"right," he agreed.

"but will there ever be a day that you just decide this isn't for me anymore? will you ever want to settle down and stay out of the lime light?"

"yeah of course," he nodded. "i probably won't quit altogether because performing is what i really love. i think a quiet life would be nice but only if i've got someone. it'd be nice with someone else but not alone."

"alright," ren breathed out. she turned her recorder off and slipped it into her purse. "thanks- i think i can make a proper article out of this now."

"ren please don't do anything to destroy my career," he gave her a worried look.

"i will consult my boss and he'll let me know what's acceptable. your people didn't blacklist anything so as far i'm concerned, it's their arses i'm burning."

"okay," he laughed. "stay for lunch?"

"i uh can't," she gave him an apologetic smile. "i've prior engagements but by all means let Rolling Stone pick up the tab."

"thats the least of my worries," he chuckled. "but thanks."

Niall's jaw clenched as he saw the photos of Charlie and Soren walking around new york. it wasn't fair. he angrily clicked through the pictures only stopping when he came across one of the two kissing, clearly unaware of the paparazzi snapping photos.

something's gotta give now.

as it turns out the only reason his team set up their interview was to get photos of them together. Niall was almost as mad at Ren.

so now, Ren was caught it this messy love triangle created by the media. Niall's fans boarded her twitter with all sorts of responses. it was then that she decided this wasn't gonna work.

"we have to talk," Ren announced as she walked into the recording studio. Liam, Julian, Harry and Niall all blinked at her like she was crazy.

it wasn't proper recording etiquette to barge in like this. is really messed with the flow which ren could honestly care less about.

"ren we're recording," liam told her. "well about to- you're really disrupting the creative process."

ren set an article from the sun down in front of Niall. "this has got to stop."

"what?" Niall asked.

'Soren Maude has been making waves with all sorts of boys the past month. she's been spotted with both Charlie Puth and Niall Horan in span of two hours. will she be our next Taylor Swift?! We've got our eye on you Soren! Ladies hide you man because she's not stopping now!'

Niall frowned, "well i can see where the problem lies now."

"the fact that i am dating neither of you. the fact that they're using my assumed sexuality as grounds for humiliation?" she cried. "does any of it make sense! no!"

"you're not dating Charlie?" Niall asked.

"no!" she cried. "i've told you over and over. i'm helping him with a song he's working on."

"so let's figure out how to get you out of this then," Niall nodded.

"how about..." Ren pulled her phone out and went straight to twitter.

'just a little disclaimer, i'm not dating. either way it doesn't constitute for scrutiny'

'a female can sleep with as many blokes or women she wants!!! it's not the medias job to scold us!!!!'

ren shoved her phone into her pocket. "there."

"okay well that was very poorly handled," Niall sighed. "my team was using you."

"using me? for what?" Ren asked, affronted.

"they thought that my name circulating with charlie's would be like good for business or something," he shrugged. "and they wanted me to go along with it- i refused but like now they're gonna be pissed."

"this is just unbelievable!" she exclaimed.

"o-okay," Harry stood up. "air?" he asked. "lets go walk it off, yeah?"

Ren shook her head, anger coursing through her. She loathed the industry. it's like being a woman meant being a walking target. being used!! like she's an object!!!

Harry guided Ren out the door. she shook her head, "harry I'm pissed. i'm so pissed. do you understand what's going on? i'm like- i'm * fuming!"

"i know," harry nodded. "i get it. it's frustrating but you can't change it. no one can. you just have to accept it because at the end of the day who you think you are can only be changed by those who affect you."

"okay shut it, harold," Ren huffed, looking away. "what do you know."

"a heck of a lot, actually," he chuckled. "just try to relax."

"i can't relax!" ren shouted.

"why does fake dating Niall hurt so much?" harry asked, confused. "like i don't understand why you're freaking out so much."

"because like- he'd never go for me, Harry," ren shook her head. "and now it just confirms that because i see the way he is. he doesn't want me, Harry. His fans definitely don't either so it being out there is just complete shite."

"you don't know that!" harry cried. "you have to tell him."

"i cant," she pulled away. "no way. ever. Niall can't know i fancy him."

Niall emerged from behind the big black doors of the recording room. He gave Ren a smile. "i talked to janice and things are... what's going on?"

"nothing," ren sighed. "i'm- im going."

"wait no," Niall grabbed Ren's hand. his eyes softened as he looked down at her. "what's wrong?"

"boy troubles," Harry answered for her. he shook his head empathetically.

"anything i can help with?" Niall asked, rubbing his thumb over Ren's knuckles. "you look really upset."

"no it's-it's nothing," Ren breathed out. "i'm fine. i just need some sleep and-and a glass of wine."

Niall nodded, "you'll text me if you need something, yeah?"

"i guess," she nodded, brows furrowed. "why're you being so nice to me? i just ruined your pr stunt and yelled at you."

Niall shrugged, "PR always fixes itself and well... you always yell at me. you don't mean anything by it."

"okay," ren replied quietly. she was still confused because here they were, Niall holding her hand. they were crossing the lines. Ren specifically draws lines and it was completely unfair that he-he just crosses them as if they don't even exist.

"and i think if this bloke, whoever he is doesn't recognize how amazing you are, than he definitely isn't worth it," Niall told her. he dropped her hand and smiled softly.

the irony. ren only hummed in response and muttered a quiet "thanks."

"so text me okay?" Niall asked, taking a couple steps back toward the doors. "i really mean it."

ren nodded, turning away. she let out a heavy sigh, slumping against the wall as Niall disappeared back inside. harry squeezed her hand and frowned empathetically. "text him."

Ren wound up at Louis's tiny apartment in Brooklyn. she was deeply distraught over the weird night she was having. Louis always knew how to cheer her up.

Louis opened the door and greeted her with a big hug. she relaxed against him, breathing out a deep sigh.

"everything okay?" Louis asked, smoothing her hair out. he rubbed her back, letting her hug him.

Ren pulled away only when his cat, Winston rubbed against her leg. she picked him up, kissing him on the head.

"i'm okay," she replied quietly.

"harry texted me," Louis told her, getting two wine glasses out of his cupboard. "says Niall did a number on you today."

"he held my hand, louis," she cried, setting winston down. "what does it mean?"

"like how'd he hold it?" louis asked, pouring her a glass of wine.

"like harry said i had some stuff going on and i said i was fine and then i tried to go but he grabbed my hand he rubbed my knuckles and proceeded to hold my hand for like two whole minutes."

"that's a tough one," louis nodded. "he really did wanna hold your hand, though. i think he was trying to like break the boundaries, you know? like you guys have always been pretty professional so maybe he wanted to show you he was interested without kissing you or something."

"no Louis," she replied quietly. she sipped her wine. "don't give me false hope."

Ren was seated right next to Niall at the showing for Harry's new movie Dunkirk. she was upset about it and somehow she thought it was the workings of Harry himself.

"you look great," Niall told her, looking her up and down.

"thanks," Ren smiled. she looked away. louis squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"okay?" Louis asked.

"perfect," she replied dryly.

Niall leaned forward, looking at ren. "guess what."

"what?" she asked, crossing her legs. she smoothed her dress out and tried not to focus too much on the way Niall looked at her.

"janice talked to your boss. next year when i tour, you're coming with me," he told her.

"um what?" Ren asked.

"it's part of a miniseries where about me and touring and the fans- it'll be so good," Niall smiled. "i'm really excited."

"no one even thought to consult me?" she asked. "like it's my career not hers, not yours. i don't even get a say?"

"i figured you'd be okay with it," Niall replied quietly. "i mean if you don't want to then we can cancel, i guess."

"that's not the point!" she exclaimed. "it's my life you're messing with. don't you have any consideration. i don't want to work with you, alright? it was a mistake to do it in the first place."

Niall winced. "ouch."

"look i don't think you get it," she sat up. "i cant work with you because... because."

the lights went down and the opening credits started. Ren mentally cursed, sitting back in her seat. she lost her chance.

"ren," Niall whispered, tapping her on the shoulder.

"shhhh!"

ren shook her head. "not now."

instead of focusing on the movie, all Ren could do was think about telling Niall. it was a pure moment of weakness because as the lights came back on she felt fear more than anything as Niall looked at her expectantly.

"no i can't tell you," ren took a step back. "i'm sorry i-"

Ren couldn't do it. she was overwhelmed by Niall's big blue eyes. she shook her head stepping back again. "i'm sorry," she repeated before heading for the door.

Ren really didn't know what she got herself into. She didn't know how much longer she could act normal as she fell for Niall more and more with each passing day.

Ren all but blocked Niall from her life only turning towards his music for comfort which she really wasn't proud of.

the fall rolled around and soon enough Niall's album was out on full display. just listening to it, Ren's heart broke. he sang about heart break and love and home and things he wished he had. some songs brought tears to her eyes because she did that. she inspired that and she pushed that away.

Ren felt the self loathing coming on as she rolled out of bed. all of the thoughts were jumbled around in her head. her migraine was excruciating. the rain pounded down on the windows. Ren frowned, pulling a clean cup out of her cupboard. she turned the kettle on and slumped down in a chair.

Ren clicked through her notifications. she found twitter to be annoying these days. her follower count has gone up but the many of them are just dying for her to tweet someone even remotely related to Niall.

Ren shook her head, setting her phone down. she poured herself a cup of tea and started to get ready for her day. she had meetings lined up from nine up until seven when she could finally leave.

Ren flipped through her wardrobe only settling when she found a t-shirt dress that would come across dressy but in reality she could care less. Ren threw on a jean jacket and a pair of boots and deemed herself presentable.

and so it began.

the lot of Ren's meetings focused upon her image which was annoying. Her boss, Louise wouldn't let it go. especially after her blow up with niall- in front of a lot of important people.

Ren drug her feet all day. she sat through HR meetings and tech meetings and lectures about what good interview etiquette was. apparently co-writers were spotted getting friendly with a few of their sources.

Ren all but cried when she got into her car. it was definitely one of the hardest days of her life for some reason. Louis begged her to come out but Harry had already asked to look over some songs with her.

reluctantly, ren agreed. she brought louis along because really, life is hard without her person with her.

Ren nearly collapsed on harry's couch. she whined at harry to take her shoes off of her aching feet. harry with a roll of his eyes agreed.

only then did she realize that harry wasn't alone. Niall emerged from the bathroom, greeting her with a bright smile. "long time no see, eh? how's things?"

"fine," ren sat upright. she cleared her throat awkwardly, smoothing her dress out. "and with you?"

"good," Niall nodded. "will i see you at the album release party tomorrow?"

"dunno i might have plans or something," she shrugged.

"lies," louis shook his head. "we'll be there."

"sick!" he grinned. "i'll mark you two down."

Ren knew one day eventually she'd thank louis and harry for their interjections but right now, she was beyond aggravated with them.

"so here's a few songs i've been working on," harry handed her a couple of papers. "let me know what you think."

Ren read them over trying to forget how intensely niall was staring at her. it was distracting and Ren was sure her face was deceiving her as a hot blush made its way over her.

Ren shifted in her seat. Niall watched her.

"so these are good," ren nodded. "i really like the vibe you've got going on- little bit of heartbreak, little bit of john mayer. it works."

"thanks," harry smiled.

and niall thought it was so interesting how everyone around Ren just seeked her approval. he was a little curious and somehow proud because well... he didn't really know why. Niall got her approval sometimes and that made him proud too. with harry it seemed a bit different because he was much more experienced than Niall and he seemed more put together but as it turns out, Ren keeps people put together.

"what'd you study in uni?" Niall asked before he had time to stop himself.

"i studied journalism with a minor in songwriting. i ended up getting my bachelors in it a few years ago," ren nodded. "so i do know a little bit about music."

"i never knew that," he replied quietly. "so like you could potentially have a career song writing?"

"i guess," ren shrugged. "i would never, though. because writing is really what i love."

Niall nodded. "okay."

"so how about some drinks?" Harry asked, standing up.

"i'll have a red!" Ren replied almost immediately.

"do you have any white?" louis asked, sitting up. "red gives me nightmares."

harry laughed, nodding. He went to the kitchen to start the drinks.

"i'll help harry," Ren stood up. "Niall, a drink?"

"a beer is fine," he smiled, nodding. he watched Ren walk away flustered. she shook her head as she walked into the kitchen.

louis laughed, shaking his head. "i swear some things don't change. Ren was a proper nerd in high school. couldn't talk to blokes to save her life. even now."

"so who's the boy?" Niall asked, raising an eyebrow.

"ah," Louis laughed. "the million dollar question. i won't spill her secrets."

"is it someone I know?" Niall asked. "so i can make sure he stays the hell away from her."

louis let out a strangled groan, rubbing his face. "i can't tell. she'll kill me. i'm sorry."

"well if you tell me than i can promise you that you'll have harry wrapped around your little finger by the end of this month," Niall raised an eyebrow.

Louis was torn. he stood up. "a drink, Niall?"

Niall laughed, "come on!"

louis chuckled, sitting down. "Ren is special especially to me. she- she needs to do this on her own because like this bloke she likes is very special to her and her finally saying who it is would be like her overcoming a fear or obstacle or something. Ren needs this to better herself in a way."

"yeah but... she's so vague about it," Niall shrugged. "and i just don't see why it's a big deal if I know. you know and harry knows and even liam knows. i know we're not like best friends but i don't get why it has to be a big secret- oh." Niall's eyes widened.

Louis's eyes widened too- his in fear for what Ren would do to him. "Niall you can't- i didn't tell you! i did not utter those words to you, do you hear me?"

"she..." Niall trailed off. "i didn't think- i didn't think she fancied me. she's so standoffish sometimes and it really messes with me but fuck, louis. do you know what this means?"

"that i'm absolutely dead," Louis cried. "that i'll never get my person. that Ren will kill me before i even get to fall in love!"

"no!" Niall laughed, sitting up. "everything's gonna work out!"

Ren and Harry came back seconds later. Ren handed Niall his drink and sat back down across from him. Harry handed Louis his with a wink. (louis was melting)

"so what did i miss?" Harry asked, settling back in his seat.

"nothing much," Niall shrugged. "louis and i chatted about the album party."

"yeah?" harry asked. "should i bring a present?"

"for what?" Niall laughed.

"dunno," harry shrugged. "congratulations? i like to give gifts."

"gifts aren't necessary but i appreciate the thought," Niall smiled. "just bring yourself and i'll be thrilled."

"are you excited for the party?" louis asked, sitting up. "heard Beyoncé's gonna be there."

"yeah she is," Niall chuckled. "she's a good friend. i stayed with her and drake a few years ago. they're fuckin wild."

Ren finished her glass of wine and stood up, heading back into the kitchen. she came back with the bottle this time and promptly sat back down.

"rough day," harry explained.

Ren shook her head, "you've no idea."

"everything alright?" Niall asked.

"did you know that ignorant newly hired employees have caused lots and lots of pain for our office," Ren shook her head. "because of the habitual flirting, HR has decided that the sexual relations between interviewers and interviewees has been banned and so we sat through a three hour seminar on why it should be banned."

"so like... anyone you've ever interviewed?" Niall asked. "like you couldn't shag someone you interviewed."

"arse if i know," Ren shrugged, pouring another glass of wine. "i was watching netflix as the stupid bloke went over it."

"and apparently my image is hurting magazine sales," ren shook her head. she paused, chugging the glass of wine. "and so i've been put on temporary leave until things settle down."

"i had no idea..." Niall trailed off. "my team... they... it wasn't supposed to hurt you."

"well it did," she shrugged, pouring the last of the wine into her glass. she frowned, shaking her head. "the hell, harry? it's gone."

"i think that's enough anyways," Harry nodded. "remember what we talked about?"

"oh bugger off!" Ren shouted, leaning back. "i can drink as much as i very well please."

"yes well i was informed that you didn't want to embarrass yourself tonight," harry raised an eyebrow. "or did you just lie?"

"i don't bloody care!" ren cried. "i'm nearly fired, the boy i fancy barely even looks at me, my mum refuses to talk to me, what have i got to lose?"

Harry sighed, "ren."

ren finished her last glass of wine and grabbed her purse off of the table. "lou grab my shoes. i'll drive you home."

"no way in hell are you driving," louis stood up. he took her keys from her and tossed them to harry. "sit down, we're gonna be here for a long time."

"louis!" she whined stomping her feet. "i just wanna go home."

"i'll-i'll drive you," Niall stood up.

"no!" ren whined, trying to push him away.

Niall sighed. he picked Ren up, throwing her over his shoulder. he grabbed her shoes and her purse and headed for the door.

"let me go!" Ren shouted, kicking her feet. "everyone's gonna see me bum!"

Niall shook his head, opening the front door. "i'm taking you home."

"how do i know you won't kidnap me?" ren asked, voice softer.

"i promise," Niall told her. he set her down next to the passenger side of her car. he unlocked the door with an arm wrapped around her waist partly because he didn't trust her, and party because it was way too much fun to make Ren blush.

Niall buckled Ren in and closed the door. she looked angry but maybe it was just because Niall had taken her liberties away for two seconds.

Niall got in the car and sighed. "where do you live?"

"not telling," ren turned away, lips curling into a smile.

Niall laughed, "Ren, tell me."

"i forget," she shrugged, still smiling.

"you're not even drunk enough to forget," he laughed. "tell me."

"just drive and i'll tell you," Ren told him.

"i don't believe you but fine," he laughed, starting the car.

needless to say, ren was hungry so was it really her fault that she got her house and mcdonald's mixed up?

Niall shook his head, laughing. "ren this is mcdonald's."

she gasped, unbuckling her seatbelt. "what? i was almost positive this was my apartment."

"your hungry?" Niall asked.

Ren nodded, sitting up. she smiled so eagerly that like Niall couldn't possibly say no. Niall chuckled. "very well."

for a brief moment it felt like this was what he was meant to be doing. and then Niall felt a pang of sadness hit him because the chances of this happening were slim.

"you have to put your shoes on," Niall told her, handing her shoes.

ren rolled her eyes, begrudgingly taking them. "don't boss me around, alright?"

"whatever you say," Niall chuckled.

Niall and ren walked into Mcdonalds a few moments later. he thought for sure they'd be recognized. then they were.

"can i have two number ones, uh extra fries," Niall ordered. "ren what do you want?"

Ren laughed, leaning against the counter. "funny."

"no," Niall laughed. "uh also a chocolate milkshake, a large soda and hm... ren anything special you'd like?"

"i want a chocolate milk," she straightened up, smiling.

"how old are you," Niall asked, eyebrow raised.

"i'm twenty six!" she cried. "twenty six year olds and everyone can enjoy chocolate milk!"

"whatever you say," he laughed.

"what's this stigma with chocolate milk?" ren asked. "anyone over the age of seven is ostracized?"

Niall laughed, "for a second i was fooled that you were actually sober but now i'm not so sure."

ren rolled her eyes at him. "i need to call Louis."

"why?" Niall asked.

"to tell him where i'm at. i'm sure he's wondering why in the hell you've kidnapped me," ren shook her head. "he's gonna be pissed."

"the only one pissed is you," he laughed, taking her phone. he shoved it into his pocket. "we're gonna eat and then i'll take you home."

"sir, your order is ready," the cashier said, pointing to the food on the counter. "was there anything else you needed?"

"no i think we're good," Niall smiled. "thanks though."

"no problem," he smiled.

"and hey, i uh i saw you taking some photos just- don't post them for a while, yeah?" Niall asked.

"oh i uh- okay," he nodded.

"thanks," Niall smiled, handing ren the empty cup (as she was begging to hold something)

Niall knew he rags would get their hands on this and somehow he really didn't care. he knew ren would but that was just a problem to worry about tomorrow.

sure enough, when Niall woke up the next morning, their faces were plastered on the sun. Niall couldn't find it in himself to be bothered by it.

Ren looked more drunk than he realized as they walked into the restaurant. there were some good photos, he wouldn't lie. most of them was Ren hanging off of Niall or ren stealing Niall's food or Ren falling as they tried to leave.

ren rolled over, eyebrows furrowed. she smelled like fast food. for a moment she was confused before the events of last night came rushing back to her.

louis sat down next to Ren and chuckled. he leaned over and pulled a french fry out of her hair. "rough night?"

"just tell me how bad it is," Ren mumbled, pulling the sheets up to her chin.

"well," louis pulled her phone out. "i found it to be very endearing- Niall did too however the general public thinks it was hm unclassy? trashy? not cute."

"well i had a bad day," ren grumbled.

"fixed it," louis announced with a smile.

'bad days make for even drunker nights LOL soz.'

"wow you handled that with grace and nonchalance," ren snorted, sitting up. "oh bloody hell. niall's party is tonight isn't it?"

"it is," louis laughed. "and we're going now get up you've a meeting today."

"with who?" ren asked. "i got fired."

"you got fired?" louis asked, confused.

"well after last night i'm pretty sure i've been deemed unfit to represent the magazine," Ren shrugged.

"well it's with niall's producer, Liam and the sales director," Louis shrugged. "dunno. the meetings in a couple hours. shower yourself you smell like fast food."

Ren grunted, getting out of bed. "you're a really great friend, Lou."

"thanks peaches," he kissed her on the head. he frowned, pulling another french fry out of her messy curls. "seriously, ren did you bath in them last night?"

Ren laughed, "i wouldn't be surprised, honestly."

"so you are credited with helping Niall with six songs?" Jim, sales director asked.

"yeah i guess," ren nodded.

"yeah there was Wolves, Where do broke hearts go, erm Olivia, Never enough, Girl Almighty, and Better than words."

"right," Ren nodded. "yeah six."

"so here i have your royalties," Jim said, handing her a very large check. "i just need you to sign this paper stating that you've indeed received them and from here on out we can't be held accountable for the money."

"um okay," ren replied dumbly, she sighed the paper hesitantly.

Liam gave her a smile, "ya alright?"

"uh yeah," she chuckled. "i just- i didn't expect this."

"enjoy," Liam smiled. "go on a vacation. treat yourself."

"i think i just might," Ren chuckled. "thanks so much."

"no problem," Liam smiled. "will i see you tonight?"

"uh maybe," she shrugged. "dunno if Niall wants to be seen with me after last night."

"oh please," liam chuckled. "trust me, it's funny more than anything. don't worry about it. people will forget about it by next week. come. it'd mean a lot to niall."

"yeah i might," ren nodded, sitting back in her chair. and she just might have the time of her life tonight.

Louis and Ren showed up together. She wore a blue dress that louis said fit her in all the right places. she wasn't entirely convinced but that wasn't the point. Ren wanted to have some fun and Louis promised her a good time.

as soon as Harry spotted Louis, he dragged him away to talk to everyone. Ren went to the bar, ordering a martini. she sat down and drank it slowly. she was too sober to properly have fun especially with all of these important people around.

Ren spotted Beyoncé dancing with her husband and even Selena. Ren tried not to be jealous as she talked to Niall. he looked very interested in what she had to say.

Ren rolled her eyes, ordering another drink. Charlie sat down next to her with a grin. "drinking all by yourself?"

"yeah," she chuckled. "my friends went off. I think? not sure. i shouldn't have come."

"Niall horan parties are where it's at," Charlie told her.

"i guess," Ren shrugged. she looked around. "i feel like everyone's staring at me."

"oh," he chuckled. "the article?"

"you saw it too?" ren all but cried.

"yes," he laughed. "i can assure you they're all looking at you because of that dress and not that stupid article."

"right," she chuckled, standing up.

"charlie!" a voice shouted. ren cringed. she thought she was ready but really, she wasnt. "glad you could make it."

"wouldn't miss it for the world," charlie grinned.

"ren," Niall greeted her. "feeling better?"

"uh yeah," she forced out a smile. "i suppose."

"good," Niall smiled. "you look, great by the way. new dress?"

"yes actually," Ren played with the hem of her dress. "i seemed to have received quite a bit of money recently? know anything about it?"

"ah," Niall chuckled. "the royalties. they're treating you well i hope?"

"they are," ren nodded. "to a new dress and a fresh manicure," she held her hand up for proof.

"good i'm glad," Niall nodded.

"so..." charlie cleared his throat. "ren wanna dance?"

Niall watched her intently waiting for her answer. he held his breath. Ren looked torn. she frowned, setting her glass down.

"i uh-"

"come on you love this song!" charlie exclaimed. "remember when we-"

"charlie no," she shook her head. "i'm not really in a dancing mood."

"well come find me later," he told her, kissing her on the cheek.

“so you slept with him," Niall commented quietly.

"months ago before I’d ever met you- before I even wrote the article,” Ren told him. "i didn't sleep with him again it was just stupid i don't know why he'd bring it back up i told him it was..."

Niall wondered why Ren was so desperate to get him to believe her. well he knew. Niall wanted Ren to figure it out herself, as Louis had said.

"i believe you," Niall nodded, eyes softening. "charlie's a great guy and if you wanted to dance with him then i think you should."

"no i don't," she shook her head. "he'd just complicate things more. i'm trying to clean my image up, you know?"

Niall nodded, "yeah i get it."

"yeah," ren nodded. "i actually brought you something."

"no you didn't have to..." he trailed off.

Ren waved him off, reaching over the stool to grab the gift. she handed it to him with a smile. "it's nothing big."

Niall opened it carefully he smiled when he finally got all of the paper off. "ren."

"you left some of your notes behind and i was gonna give them back but i figured this was a bit nicer," she shrugged.

Ren framed a few of the lyrics they wrote together. it wasn't anything big but niall's heart swelled because Ren took the time to make it and she was excited to give it to him.

"thank you," he smiled. he pulled her into a tight hug. "this means a lot."

"no problem," she replied quietly.

"you know this album couldn't have happened without you," Niall told her. he set the picture frame down on the bar.

"that's not true," she shook her head.

"no it is, though. you were always there to push me and help me find these things within me. i've written the most vulnerable music because of you. i don't think i can ever repay you for that."

"Niall all of that was in you... you were just too afraid to go against the brand your team made for you," ren shook her head. "but i'm really proud of what you've become."

"thanks," Niall smiled. "so i was hoping you'd consider touring with me."

"i don't know," ren sighed. "there's some things i really have to do... for myself."

"it'd mean a lot..." Niall told her, voice filled with hope.

"at this point i'm not even sure i have a job anymore," ren shook her head. "and i've been doing a lot of thinking. i got a job offer in london to write for the Daily Mirror."

"but... Ren that's a tabloid," Niall furrowed his eyebrows.

"i know," she nodded. "but it's good money and-"

"but you have money," Niall argued. "the royalties- the money keeps coming from them."

"but the money is coming from you, Niall. i cant live a life knowing that where i'm at is just because of a few songs. it's like i owe you something."

"but working for a tabloid is like-is like a slap in the face don't you think? these magazines that have put you through hell, you're gonna go and work for?"

"i don't know what else to do!" she cried.

"take a break," Niall told her. "i can give you a job. a good one."

"but do you understand that you giving me a job is like- it's not what i want," she shook her head. "every time we end up sort of friends you-you always do stuff like this. why can't you just leave things be?"

"because i'm running out of excuses to see you!" he cried. "i try and i try but it's like- it's like you don't even care. i reach out and it's good for two seconds before you just close in on yourself."

"it's not as easy as you think," ren argued. "you're not exactly the easiest person to talk to."

"what's that supposed to mean?" Niall asked, offended.

"you're like- your mister popstar. you've got girls that follow you around and fans that would kill me if they could! you're not approachable and the signals you've sent me are confusing!"

okay. so Niall needed to send her explicit signals, ones that couldn't be confused for friendliness or platonicness. easy enough.

Ren was staring at niall, eyes wide with frustration. she looked like she was ready to burst. niall smiled.

"what are you smiling at?" she asked angrily.

"you," Niall replied softly.

"we are in the middle of a fight!" she yelled. "wipe that smile off of your face and argue back!"

in one swift motion, Niall stepped forward and cupped her face with one hand, her hip in another. she was nervous. Niall smiled one last time before catching her lips in a hesitant kiss. with her back pressed against the bar, Niall kissed ren the way he's imagined it so many times before. their lips moved together in sync and Niall thought this, this is what kisses are meant to be like.

Niall licked into Ren's mouth, tangling his hands through her hair. Niall was almost frantic as he kissed her. it was like the last four months of self control were coming out in full blast. Ren's soft fingers brushed against his neck and then his chin.

Ren pulled away with a blissed smile on her face. she brushed her thumb over niall's lips and kissed him one more time for good measure.

"let me... let me take care of you," Niall whispered. "write my book."

"what?" ren asked, eyebrows raised in confusion. "a book?"

Niall nodded. "i've read your articles and you've got an amazing writing style and my team has been on me about producing something personal that my fans will appreciate and i've been tossing the idea of a book around and- i want you to help me."

ren crossed her arms over her chest. "is this an excuse to see me?"

"yes," he breathed out, pulling her in by the hips. Niall kissed her again, this time more languidly without much purpose but to kiss her.

Liam pulled Niall away from Ren. "Niall."

Niall frowned. "what? i was in the middle of something."

"speech," Liam told him. he gave Ren an apologetic look. "sorry. the people are getting anxious."

Niall kissed Ren chastely on the lips. "this isn't over, understand?"

Ren raised an eyebrow, looking up at him. "are you telling me what to do?"

"yes," he told her. he kissed her again. "i am."

"you're lucky you're cute, you know that?" Ren shook her head.

"stop flirting!" Liam yelled, laughing. he had to physically drag Niall away from Ren because she was such a distraction to Niall.

a few days later, Ren found herself unabashedly at a cafe in new york city. they were sitting outside as the warm september air kept them cool. anyone could see them.

"so i don't know much about book writing," Ren told Niall. the waiter set a cup of coffee down in front of her. she smiled, "thank you."

"just think of it like a big interview," Niall offered. "it'll be easy."

"no it'll be a lot of headaches and a hell of a lot of coffee," Ren chuckled.

"yeah but like there's no deadline so it's finished when it's finished," Niall told her. he opened the menu with such nonchalance that Ren really wanted to kiss him senseless. "so you can come with me on tour."

"why do you want me to tour with you so bad?" Ren asked, leaning forward.

"because i feel guilty," Niall finally admitted. "because where you're at with your career is partly my fault. i mean, my team literally drove you to drink and i feel like i need to repay you for it."

"you don't need you to repay me for anything," Ren chuckled. "trust me. i've given you a lot of shite the past couple of months."

"i don't mind that," Niall shook his head. "but please think about it."

"i will," ren nodded. "but i'm not making any promises."

"and you'll write the book with me?" Niall asked hopefully.

Ren let out a deep sigh. her lips curled into a smile and she rolled her eyes. "fine."

#niall fanfic #Niall fic #GA1 #Girl Almighty #GA #Solo niall #journalist au #this is so long omg sorry

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