#i wanna go back to designing logos and packaging like i did at school

[maranull]

i need to get better at corpo interviews but the thing is i suck at lying and i can't convincingly say that i want to work for any of them. and i do not want to work in this shitty corporate field i made the mistake to enter.

and i'm too poor and too uneducated to just go to college or anything similar.

"what are your plans and ambitions in this field?"

"um, i wanna gather enough money to be able to study something else and fucking leave it??"

oof, imma bite someone

[moldisgoodforyou]

spring formal

gif from @toesure​

warnings: cursing and mentions of sex

wordcount: 2k

_

Of course, Rafe won out in the end.

The two had decided he would only pay for his half of the ticket for her sorority’s spring formal, upon his insistence. He wasn’t able to win the argument to pay for the whole thing, but with some sneaking around, he got her the dress she wanted too. Rafe caught Sophie looking at the same dress at least five times over one week, adding it to her cart and then exiting the tab, so he bought it when they were studying at the architecture studio while she got up once to grab more materials.

He presented the dress to her the day before the formal, when he dropped her off at her sorority house. “Hey, wait, I found you a little something.”

She paused, backpack in hand, and narrowed her eyes. “It’s never a little something with you.”

“Not true!” He protested. “I got you pizza last week when you were there late grading projects.”

Sophie laughed. “You got me a pizza, and you also got pizza for the four other TAs stuck there too. Who all love you now, by the way.”

“Good, as they should.” He grinned and reached into the backseat, pulling out a big cardboard envelope and handed it to her. She recognized the logo of the brand immediately and took a step back, shaking her head. “No. You didn’t.”

He shrugged, though he smiled. “Open it.”

She traced the tip of her finger over the brand’s logo stamped on the package carefully before ripping the cardboard open and sliding out the dress. It was a silk slip dress in a pretty light blue, the exact one she’d been eyeing. “How did you know?”

“You’ve been practically drooling over it online.” He teased. “I can’t wait to see it on you.”

“You really didn’t have to, I was gonna rewear one of my old dresses -”

“Nope, don’t start.” He cut her off abruptly, leaning over to meet her in a sweet kiss. “I wanted to do this for you, this is our last big thing before you - well, anyways.”

Her face fell a little like it did every time she was reminded that she was leaving him, and they both tried their hardest not to talk about it or think about it too often. “I appreciate it.”

“You’re gonna look killer, I’ll come pick you and the girls up at five tomorrow?” His car was the biggest of the group and he was the designated driver to get her, her roommates and their dates to the formal at the botanical gardens.

Sophie nodded with a grin. “Thank you, Rafe, I love it. It’s perfect.”

“You’re welcome. Night, Soph. Love you.”

“Love you too.” She gave him another quick kiss before leaving. The next day, Rafe came to pick her up right on time, walking to the door in his suit to pick her up. The whole house was practically buzzing with excitement, girls dressed to the nines with their dates in tow. He grilled Allie and Julia’s dates the whole drive there, much to the girls’ amusement, but eased up when Sophie reached over and pinched his leg as a warning sign.

He hardly let go of her all night, continually whispering sweet nothings in her ear about how damn good she looked. The more drinks they shared and the longer the night went on, the sweet nothings turned dirtier and dirtier, to the point that she couldn’t tell if the blush she wore was from his words or the alcohol. Once the bar was shut down and everyone started making their way out, Sophie grabbed his hand, leading him out to the connected hotel without hesitation. 

He grinned and offered his arm instead so she could keep a better grip on him, a little wobbly in her heels. “Someone’s eager.” 

“You’ve been instigating all night.” She scowled, flicking through her purse for the hotel keycard. Rafe withdrew it from his pocket, scanning them into the elevator. “I can’t help it, look at you. You’re beautiful.” 

She tightened her grip on his arm, leaning into him and growing quiet as the elevator ticked up on the floors. “Shh.” 

“Hey.” He nudged her gently after a moment. “What’s up? You’re quiet all of a sudden. Normally you’re running your mouth when you’re drunk.” He teased. 

“Not drunk.” She protested, reaching up on her toes to kiss his cheek. 

He just nodded, a little concerned but chalked it up to her being tired. It was around 1am, anyways, and he knew she had a long week. The two walked down the hall to their hotel room quietly, hand in hand, and he followed her in. 

Sophie turned to him once they were inside, slipping her arms around his waist and stepping close. “I love you.” 

“Love you too, angel. Are you okay?” He hugged her back securely, cupping one hand to the back of her head to keep her even closer. 

“Don’t wanna leave you,” she mumbled, keeping her face buried in his chest while she hugged him tight. 

“Hey.” Rafe frowned, rubbing a soothing hand over her back. “Thought we agreed to not talk about that.” 

“There’s a chance I’m not sober so I can talk about whatever I want.” She argued, resting her head against his chest to hear his heartbeat, a constant measure of reassurement for her.

He laughed and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. “I could hardly tell.”

“You’re not allowed to make fun of me.” She murmured, not wanting to let him go. 

“Am too.” He scratched gentle circles on her lower back, enjoying her small hum of contentment. “You’ve been looking forward to this for forever, Soph, I don’t want you to be upset about it just because we’ll be apart for a little.” 

“It’s more than just a little.” She pulled back to look up at him, biting her lower lip. “I’m still excited, just. You’ve always been there, you know? Even when we weren’t dating.” 

He swept the pad of his thumb over her lip, trying to get her to relax. “You were so pissed when you found out I went here too, freshman year. Remember that? You came to a Delt party, into my home, and then had the nerve to ask what I was doing there.” 

“I remember. I went home and called Carter and he told me to stay away from your house and to move on from high school.” She laughed, shaking her head. “If only he knew.” 

“If only.” Rafe nodded in agreement, then walked over to his duffel bag for the night. “C’mere.” He pulled out a small, poorly-wrapped box, the tape haphazardly placed (which, in her eyes, was incredibly endearing).

Sophie followed him to the bed, taking a seat next to him and accepted the box. She fixed him with a pointed look, though her eyes betrayed her smile. “You need to stop getting me gifts.”

“I won’t stop doing that until the day I die. And even then I’ll send you gifts from the grave.” He teased, kissing her quickly. “C’mon, open it.”

She rolled her eyes but unwrapped it, setting the paper to the side. Once she recognized the Cartier logo on the box, she immediately pushed it back into his hands, eyes wide. “Rafe, I can’t -“

“Open it, Soph.” He grinned, having anticipated her reaction.

He wore at least two or three rings at all times and she had a habit of stealing them when they were together, or playing with his fingers and twisting the rings. When she wore rings on her own - if ever - they weren’t showy in the slightest, one a slim tarnished gold band that she had found in a thrift store and fell in love with the engraved initials on the inside. She liked to think it was a gift from someone to their lover, a quiet marker that they were theirs.

She sighed and flicked the box open, her throat feeling tight when she saw the ring - a Cartier love ring, no less - nestled in the box. “Rafe.”

“Sophie.” He mimicked.

“This had better be a fucking knockoff from Amazon.”

He laughed loud at that, shaking his head. “I’m offended you think I’d buy you a knockoff of anything.”

“I can’t accept this. You need to take it back, seriously.”

“Can’t take back something that’s been engraved.” He raised his eyebrows, prompting her to pull the ring out and see “my favorite” engraved on the inside of the ring - making her choke up even more, tearing up a little.

“Rafe, you didn’t.” She murmured, looking up at him with adoration. He nodded and took it from her, then took her hand. “I did. Don’t cry, I hate it when you cry.” He slid the ring on her finger with care, fitting it snugly around her second finger on the right hand.

She giggled, wiping away a tear. “This feels oddly ceremonial.”

He smirked. “Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure your real ring would go on this finger instead.” He tapped her ring finger on her left hand. And then, because maybe a comment like that felt all too soon - even though he knew he would go out and marry her tomorrow if she asked - he added quickly, “But this’ll be flashier when you flip people off.”

She immediately blushed as his comment, ducking her head down. “That’s if you think you can put up with me for that long.”

“Hey.” He nudged her chin up with one finger, making her look at him. “I’ll be around as long as you’ll have me.”

Sophie was bright red now, though she was beaming. She shoved his shoulder playfully as she shook her head. “Stop, you’re embarrassing.”

“Nah, you love me.” He nudged her back and she swatted at his hands until he tried grabbing at her wrists. “Say it.”

“No.” She giggled, trying to grab at his arms. It ended up turning into a full on wrestling match, both of them trying to land on top. She finally won out after a moment, a little breathless as she laid on top of him, pinning both arms to the mattress. “I’m stronger than you.”

“In your dreams.” He grinned at her and leaned up to capture her lips with his. She kissed him back, dragging it out until she had to stop to breathe. “Rafe?”

“Yeah, angel?”

“Thank you, I mean it. I love you.”

He laughed and nudged his nose against hers. “I know.”

Her jaw dropped in mock offense. “Love you too would suffice.”

“Already did.”

“Well I want to hear it again. We don’t say it enough.” She insisted, releasing his arms so she could comb her fingers through his hair.

He laughed, pressing into her touch. “Is that so?”

“It is so.” She scowled and tugged a little on his hair. “And we’re gonna be on the phone a hell of a lot more once I leave, so I think we should start a habit of saying it more.”

Rafe nodded and swiftly flipped them over, sliding his hands up her body. “I can do that. I love you,” he kissed her once, “I love you,” a kiss along her jaw, “I love you,” a kiss along her neck.

She grinned, her scowl immediately gone. “Keep going.”

“Say it back.”

“Hm....no.”

“Do you want me to eat you out or not?” He asked point-blank, knowing it’d make her squirm.

She groaned, just as he expected, and blushed red. “Why are you always so crude?”

“Because you love it. And me.” He trailed his fingers down her stomach, tracing along the silk material of her dress. She tensed under his touch, her breath catching in her throat. “I do. I love you. Even if you drive me crazy.” 

“In more ways than one, yeah?” Rafe smirked, reaching up to tug the straps of her dress down her shoulders. She tugged at his hair to stop him in his tracks. “Hey.” 

“Hey.” He responded, pressing a kiss to her collarbone. 

“This is one of our last nights guaranteed alone before I have to go, so make it count.” 

He laughed and leaned closer, kissing her soundly. “Is that a threat?” 

She grinned, nipping at his lower lip. “It’s a demand.” 

taglist: @whoeveniskendall @kkmaybank @karsinner @outerbanksbro @outerbankspreferences @randomficsandshit @sunshineitsfine44 @jailcalledlife @tovvaa @moniamaybank @illbesafeforyou @dontjinx-it @freddymaybank @jjmaybankzz @g4bster @oopsiedoopsie23

[unholyfrank]

This is me, my Aphantasia and I

So I have this thing called aphantasia, and im just gonna have a short rant.

I’m a really creative person, I love drawing, graphic design, writing, I’m a pastry chef, so decorating things is something I love doing, and I make artisan homemade soaps so I try to make designs and packaging for those in order to sell them.

But because of my aphantasia, I can’t imagine what I want things to look like. Most of the time, this means that I can’t come up with anything original because I can’t create pictures in my head or I can’t imagine what I want something to look like. This means if I want to do something I have to take ‘inspiration’ from a couple of things and smush them together to make something ‘original’. If I want to create something, or design something, I basically have to have a finished idea of what I want and fill in the spaces from having a blank page to the final idea. But in doing this, I can’t stray away from what I think I want it to look like because I get frustrated because I can’t now see the final image in my head with that change.

If you ask me to close my eyes and picture an apple, I don’t see anything. I know what an apple looks like and I know how to describe one, I just can’t see it when I imagine it. If you tell me to look at something then go into a different room to draw it, I’m stuffed. If you ask me to look at something directly in front of me and draw it turned 45 degrees around, I actually have no idea what the hell it would look like. If it is a geometric shape, I can slowly figure it out but it takes me so long.

For example, I studied graphic design in my last year of high school. One of our projects sent to the state for grading was to take an environmental company’s logo (like WWF, Greenpeace, SeaShepherd etc) and basically make them a new one that is completely different. I did a lot of research and found a mock logo someone had done for a different company from a different country but I liked its style. Because my mind just draws blanks when I get told to think about something, I need to physically see it because I can’t imagine it. So I decided to create my own version of this design that I had seen, but for the company I was using.

Once I got my final design, I worked backwards, trying different colour gradients to ‘test’ if there was a better option. Same with font types and the spacing of where everything was placed. But I couldn’t imagine the final result having any of those changes because it wasn’t what I had seen originally. Then I worked even further back and tried my best to make up sketches of logos that could have lead me to my final idea, but because I can’t create anything new, it was really just drawing mix’n’match logos together.

This along with a case of dyslexia, in which I can read single words and spell fine, I just cant read a couple of sentences and process anything its saying. Re-reading this is a nightmare, I basically skim over and try to make sure that nothing is spelt wrong I just try to think of what I wanted to get across because it doesn’t make sense when I read it unless I read it aloud.

So to my point, I’ve got back into my drawing and writing and want to make my own characters and story’s and do something like a 30 day character challenge but I literally cant do it, every time I try I end up in tears because I end up just not being able to do anything original, I can’t even doodle because I can’t see what I want my hand to do in my head so my brain doesn’t send a message. I try to do something like a 30 day challenge and I end up tracing someone else’s artwork or picture I’ve seen on the internet.

It is exactly the same with my cake decorating or when I make my soaps. If someone comes to me for an order and gives me a picture of something they want it to look like, they’re basically gonna get that cake or design but with the closest thing I could get to the image. Because I can’t imagine anything else.

In short, I want to be creative, there is no cure, I just feel like I’m stealing other people’s ideas, I wanna write stories but I can’t read them unless my device can dictate it to me, and audiobooks literally are my saviour. I always thought I was thick but I finally figured it out and that I’m not the only one.

[brokenfoetus]

Where I’m At...

Just a general update regarding me etc.... So I sound tested the Synth to make sure it was working properly, I mean since it’s used and all.  Everything seems to be in order, didn’t really have time to test the arpeggiator and sequencer tools. I saw it exists, and I can get to the menu so... that’s good enough for now.  Everything else works so I’m assuming it does as well.  I’ll know for sure soon enough, I just need to get familiar with how the menus work and breeze through the manual some since it’s hard for me to navigate only having touched it yesterday.  Soon enough.... I got ableton up and running but... need to set stuff up to work with gear and other software.... That’s...another whole new thing I need to learn and become familiar with. While the interface they setup is unorthodox compared to other studio and live software, it’s amazing you can just... fucking do so much all in one package... it’s mind blowing... but just like any new software... it’s overwhelming and you don’t know where to begin since everything is in new places lol.  Plus... stuff I used to use separate software for is all together now.  Def a work flow change, but... meh once I really start using it... it’ll become 2nd nature.  Less of a focus until I finish the first electro album.  I have plans for album 2 but.... thing will change and style will evolve. I still plan on it being heavy electro/sample influenced but.. I want to try and incorporate more natural sounds and some live instruments as well.  I do have some natural sounds already as samples but..... ableton will make it easier so... it will happen more often I suppose.  Now that I have the proper medications so I can focus, and no longer feel like I haven’t slept for days after being well rested 24/7...... writing is easier... ideas and note progressions just appear without thinking instead of wrestling with my own brain.....  I need to start remembering to take care of myself though lol. Been pushing myself a little hard getting stuff together and working on the music, I need to remember I was in a depressive state for like... 3 years... so I need to recognize my body isn’t instantly going to hop back into the same energy I had when I was 19.  Aside from that, pieces are falling together. I know for sure I’ll be playing a festival a buddy is setting up next year with side electro project we’re doing.  So that.... is gonna be insanely... fucking fun.  Thankfully I have a year to finish the tracks with him and get my live setup working and us to practice.  As far as my stuff goes? the tracks are insanely close to being finished. As always when I have a moment I go over them and make small adjustments, or if ideas hit me I add them. They’re sounding pretty complete though, at least as far as what I want from them.  I have started writing lyrics, no songs finished yet, just parts of songs I have lyrics that fit the general theme the song is supposed to have. So that’s gonna take a few especially for every track.  Then.... it’s figuring out how to fit it in and the vocal patterns to use.  Then I can record them.   On another good note.... I got my speaker setup from my drummer and once I organize my work space a little he’s going to come over and help me set it up so I have some stuff going into the PC to record, and other stuff going through other devices, but all going to the sound system as well. So I can play and hear and then also record. Which honestly... will be an amazing dream come true for me, it will make my life so much easier.  I’m nowhere near as familiar with equipment, my buddy is a total gear head, so he always fills me in whenever I’m wondering shit about something lol.  So his help setting it up will save me... several hours, or maybe even days getting it done properly lol. Not to mention without him lending me the equipment it wouldn’t be happening at all... I can’t afford shit.  It’s thanks to friends and family donating money as gifts I’m even able to grab any gear and live props at all. I got myself a tiny silk screening setup I only grabbed a small amount because... well I mean I had to buy gear and more important shit, that and I wanna test it and figure it out before I dump a ton of money into it anyway. But.... that means after I grab a few more minor things and have the time, I’m going to make some test run merch to see how it looks.  Nothing amazing, some T-shirts and shit, see how they look with my design ideas. Also came up with a Logo for my project, just need to complete the design so it looks like I actually imagine it.... Ya know... Not Crap.  but the basic sketch I did makes sense and looks nifty. All in all, should be a ton of fun, and will have some adventures coming up. I def know we’re going to do a tour after I get the album finished. We’re more likely than not going to do an actual U.S. tour once everything is ready and laid out.  Don’t have a timeline yet though, and no idea which cities and towns we’re stopping in. Not.... a....Fucking....Clue.... but regardless.... there’s that and the festival next year.  All the support and love from people digging the music has meant the world to me sincerely.  Like any artist I have times of self doubt... and comparing my own work to my most loved artists. but.....thanks to humans like you... I stopped giving myself shit and started making even better stuff....since I appreciated it more.  Now I feel like the crap I write is shit I’d have gotten excited about when I was like.,...22 and diving head first into the industrial club scene....which is a pretty good feeling for an old school Rivethead.  The recent resurgence of industrial (especially old school styles) and experimental weird electro and synthwave, is def playing into my favor since I’m wrapping the music up finally... so the timing of my finding the right treatments and everything has lined up well.  Plus having peers working on similar styles has been amazing... watching other artists grow along side me... def makes the cold void inside feel a little more warm and fuzzy.  We have a torch to carry, bringing the post punk electro legacy to new places while we remain true to ourselves and our art. It’s all quite lovely.....

[davidhesseauthor-blog]

The Melon Farm

Finally The Conclusion To - The Goat-Man And Why Some People Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Spawn

Otis Melon was bent over a rabbit hutch, feeding about one hundred rabbits. He stood up and turned as Zippy Doo and Max Fly approached. He was a bulky, barrel-chested man of about 30 years of age, hunched over with a broad forehead and pallid chalk-like pitted skin. Red blotches on his cheeks contrasted with the patchwork of blue colored veins that crisscrossed along the length of his orbicular nose. His close-set eyes were shaded by thick bristling eyebrows. Protruding out of his long, stringy, nut-brown hair over each ear, were what appeared to be two huge bumps that easily could be mistaken for horns especially at a distance.

Otis “Melonhead” Melon - An Alabama Savant

His hair was plastered against his face by rivulets of muddy sweat that ran down his cheeks. He was wearing a filthy pair of blue jeans and his brown shoes were coated in fresh cow biscuits. His white sweat stained t-shirt had an Auburn University logo printed in navy and orange on the pocket where a half-empty package of RedMan Chewing Tobacco poked out. Next to him stood an attractive, elderly woman with long gray hair braided in one long braid that trailed down the center of her back to the middle of her posterior. She was wearing a light blue cotton dress, a blue and white apron, and a pair of pink muck boots adorned with pictures of Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck.

Otis nodded and grinned as Max and Zippy Doo approached, exposing brown stained teeth.

Zippy turned to Max and whispered, “He does have kind of a putrid essence to him, doesn’t he? He smells like the outhouse door on a shrimp boat.”

“What can I do for you boys?” Otis asked as he picked at his nose and wiped his hand on the leg of his filthy coveralls.

“Are you Otis Melon?” Max asked.

“That’s right. And this is my mama, Bernice Melon.”

Bernice “Mama” Melom

“I’m Max Fly and this is my partner, Zippy Doo. We are private investigators looking into alleged sightings of a monster that some believe to be the long sought-after Goat-Man. May we ask you a few questions?”

“Go right ahead just so long as you don’t wake my rabbits.”

“Okay, Max replied, looking at the herd of rabbits milling around inside the hutch.“A couple of boys said they saw someone that resembled you climbing up the mountain to play with a herd of goats. By any chance, could that have been you?”

“You must be referring to that Cooter Johnson and Fim Fudge. I saw ol’ Cooter and Fim up there watching me. What I do is none of their business. I stared back until those ol’ boys disappeared like a cork on a fishin’ line.”

“Don’t you pay no attention to what those two boys say. They are so dumb, they don’t know sheep shit from cottonseed,” Bernice Melon interjected. “They dropped out of the eighth grade and have been sittin’ around like a couple of bumps on a log ever since. If stupid could fly, both those boys would be jets.”

“I see,” Max replied, shaking his head. “Otis, by any chance, do you own a goat suit?” 

“I do. My mama made me one, didn’t you, mama? If y’all wanna see it, you’ll have to ask Shirley Smelley over in Slap Ankle. She lives on Watermelon Road, ‘bout 5 miles from here across the Black Gnat River jist ‘fore you git to Hog Jaw. She’s slightly burned out, but still smokin’ hot,” Otis said with what could pass as a leer. “I lent it to her to wear for the fall Yell-Off in Lick Lizard next week.”

“What’s a Yell-Off?” Zippy asked as he picked a wet piece of cow biscuit off his pant cuff.

“That’s where all them folks with a big mouth try to yell-off louder than Chief Shinbone the old Creek Indian Chief did back in the day. Stella Blitzki won it last year. Shirley thought it was rigged ‘cause ol’ Hayward Connor was doin’ the judgin’ and everyone knows Hayward is sweet on Shirley; has been since they was attending Lick Lizard Elementary School. Haywood won’t be doin’ no judgin’ this year. He’s holed up in the Farquhar Cattle Ranch on a work-release program. He don’t get released until next year so Shirley thinks she has the best chance of winning that trophy from Stella this year plus the grand prize, a $10 gift certificate from the Lord of The Fries Restaurant over in Devil’s Holler.”

“Chief Shinbone?” Zippy asked. He was beginning to find it difficult to follow Otis’s train of thought.

“The Chief was a Creek Indian back in the 1800’s,” Bernice interjected. “He lived in what folks now call Shinbone Valley. They claim he could yell so loud folks all the way in Fort Payne could hear him. Claim he had one brown eye and blue eye.”

“Yeah, he weren’t no cigar store Indian, that’s for sure,” Otis said, between bites of his sandwich.

“What do you have in that sandwich, Otis?” Zippy asked.

“Oh, it’s somethin’ my mama makes special for me. It’s goat cheese and coyote meat covered in coon fat gravy.”

“Otis here ain’t no Goat-Man,” Bernice continued, “If anything he’s a Rabbit-Man.

Otis has a photographic memory and in some incomprehensible way he must have picked up the secrets of sequential numbering all by hisself. It’s so beautiful, so precise. His mind shines with a light from another world.”

“What shines from another world?” Zippy asked while scraping more fresh cow biscuit from the bottom of his Cole Hahn loafer while still eyeing Otis’ sandwich.

“His mind. He’s been studying the Fibonacci sequence. That’s where every number is the sum of the preceding two. Somewhere he got his hands on Leonardo Pisano Fibonacci’s book, who is also known as Leonard of Pisa, by Papa John and Luigi Petrocelli, the proprietor of Luigi’s Pizza Parlor and Disco over in Slap Ankle. The name of the book is Liber Abaci. Have you read it? It is a fascinating read, by the way.

Otis watches his rabbits breed. It appeals to his sense of mathematical order. He even has an understanding of axonometry.”

“Axo…? Zippy stuttered.

Max lifted his hand and said, “Never mind Zip.”

Bernice pointed at Otis who sat with a concentrated expression next to the rabbit hutch still eating his sandwich and said, “See? He’s about to say something grown-up wise. Go ahead, Otis, say something.”

“Did you know that rabbits are naturally social and live in groups, Mr. Fly?” Otis said.

“No I don’t. I guess that one slipped by me.”

“They are and rabbits reach sexual maturity after one month and their gestation period is one month. After reaching sexual maturity, female rabbits give birth every month. I know’d ‘cause I watched them.

A female rabbit gives birth to one male rabbit and one female rabbit.

If you put a male and female rabbit in a hutch, how many pairs of rabbits can be produced from that pair in a year if each month each pair begets a new pair and the rabbits don’t die?”

“I don’t know, but that’s fascinating, Otis,” Zippy replied, flicking more fresh cow biscuit from his pant cuff.

“Otis surely isn’t this Goat-Man or monster you are looking for,” Bernice continued. “Otis is a savant, a genius! When he finishes his chores which consist of shoveling cow biscuits and milking goats, he documents these rabbits breeding and using the Fibonacci sequence, he predicts how many rabbits he will have by the end of the year. Every year now for the last ten years he has been exactly right, ‘cept the time a couple of coyotes got into the hutch and ate half the herd. That were a bad year, weren’t it, Otis?”

“It was mama, but I got them coyotes, didn’t I?”

“You sure did son.

How many farmers in rural Alabama know of the Fibonacci sequence, Mr. Fly? Not many. In fact, not many people in the United States know of Leonardo Pisano Fibonacci.”

Leonardo Fibonacci A.K.A. Leonardo D’Pisa - Famous Mathematician

“I think we should be going now,” Max replied, grabbing Zippy Doo by the arm and dragging him away from the rabbit hutch. Thank you for your time.”

“Did you see that black and white rabbit, Max? She is real cute.”

“How do you know it’s a she, Zip.”

Otis accompanied them around the barn to their car, only Otis didn’t bother to navigate around the piles of cow biscuits.

“That’s mighty nice,” Otis said pointing in the direction of the Flymobile and Max’s rifle. “Where’d you get that thing?”

“It’s a Pre-64 Model 1970 Winchester. A collector’s item.”

“I was talking about your car. It sure is ugly What kind is it?”

“It’s a 1958 Oldsmobile 98 Jetaway with Hydra-Matic drive and a 394 cubic inch engine. It’s got electric windows.”

“Nice. Does it have air?”

“Only in the tires,” Zippy replied. “Let’s go, Max. It’s getting late.”

Otis waved as they drove down the dirt road back to highway 24 heading back to Burnt Corn. They heard Cletus yell out, “Y’all drive safe now, ya yeah?” Francis the coon dog didn’t move. He was either sleeping or passed out.

“How much did you pay for that Winchester Rifle, Max?” Zippy asked.

“A little over two grand. As I said, it’s a collector’s gun. Every year it has gone up in price.”

“Where do you store an expensive rifle like that when you aren’t using it?”

“I keep it in a Kade Realtree double-sided foam padded rifle case made of a durable 1200D waterproof material that protects it against rain and wet conditions.  The case is specifically designed for scoped rifles.

CX901RC Kade Realtree Xtra Scoped Rifle Case

“Sweet, man, I might have to get one,” Zippy replied.

“You don’t have a rifle, Zip, but they do have a nice case that would fit your .357 Smith and Wesson revolver. Check it out at iadconcepts.com. They have a complete line of ammo bags as well.”

As they pulled onto highway 84 a few miles out of Burnt Corn, Zippy said, “We did it, Max, we solved that Goat-Man mystery, didn’t we?”

“Not so fast, Zippy. We solved this sighting of what was thought to be the Goat-Man. There very well could be a real Goat-Man out there someplace terrorizing innocent people; people just like the folks in Devil’s Holler and Burnt Corn Alabama. We don’t know. We just don’t know. We will have to continue to stay alert for any sightings reported from around the world and periodically check in with Liz Tureen, the Daily Gazette’s investigative reporter. She’s connected to all the news services. But this is what we do, Zip, we are here to protect the good people of Burnt Corn and the neighboring towns here in Alabama.

“I’m hungry,” Zippy said. “Let’s stop at that new eatin’ place that opened in Ankle Scratch. Its called the Smut Eye Grocery, Bait and Fine Dining place. They were advertising on the inside wall of that porta-potty that’s located alongside the highway at the new Burnt Corn Mall and Auto Auction. Wanda said she stopped in one day when nature gave her a call and she couldn’t make it to the office. She said they make a shrimp flavored crack at the Smut Eye that’s to die for.”

Shrimp Flavored Crack - Smut Eye Grocery, Bait & Fine Dining’s Weekly Special

[mannartt]

Funny Star Wars Shirts & Tees for Men, Women & Kids | Memories of Star Wars

If you're looking for original, unique, attractive, one-of-a-kind funny Star Wars tshirts for men, women and children, you've come to the right place. Our chief designer and creative force has been a Star Wars dork for decades, and it's reflected here in some of his humorous, satirical designs for the genre. But wait, as they say, there's more! Yes, Mann has more such work soon to be available. In the meantime, we hope you enjoy what you see here, and like it enough to share it and even buy it (hint, hint).

HAND SOLO's Dirty Little Secret....

THE FARCE has Awakened...

Storm Trooper Marksmanship. Wow.

A Long Time Ago, In A Movie Theater Far, Far Away... or, How It All Began for Mann.

Our resident artist was a lucky kid. Even though his parents worked in more or less mainstream professions, he had friends whose parents were employed in Tinsel Town. Through these connections, he sometimes got advance information on upcoming movies, and even the chance to see them before anybody else. That same year, he heard about Star Wars through another young friend whose mother worked in "the biz." He was able to see advance press materials on it, and even got his hands on a limited edition full color promotion package, which he cherished for years and which would probably be worth some very nice coin today, if it still existed (sadly, it was lost long ago). Later, he heard more from another kid whose father worked on Steven Spielberg's Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and who saw to it that our young artist got to tour the production offices (an experience so powerful and formative, it may well have changed Mann's life and career path (and arguably, not for the better)). To our young artist, Close Encounters looked pretty cool... but nothing, seemingly, could compare to Star Wars. And then, somewhere along the way, seeing one movie or another, Mann experienced the first trailer for what would become his favorite movie of all time (at least for many years), and that was that! Star Wars was the film by which all others would be measured. Mind blown, for the young man interested in both movie making and stories of wonder, the wait for the film's arrival was excruciating torment, exacerbated by growing media interest and endless teasers, of one form or another, showing up everywhere. The young Mann was among the first owners of Star Wars shirts in all of Los Angeles, including one with the old, disused early-version logo and another with the infamous Brothers Hildebrandt poster, long since fallen away to dust.

Hollywood Blvd. and Mann's Chinese Theater, the way it looked, May 1977, during the opening days of Star Wars. Notice that the crowd is so big, it has spilled out onto the main drag. Somewhere in there may well be the young Mann and his friends... look closely! More importantly, however, Mann was lucky enough to see George Lucas' epic at the world famous Mann's Chinese Theater during it's opening week in... OMG... wait for it... May of 1977! Yeah, like we said: A long time ago... To be clear, the Mann theater operation had absolutely nothing to do with the young artist who would later be known by that same moniker (though he wished then and still does that it did). It was, in retrospect, just a strange coincidence. And it didn't help in any way with obtaining tickets! :-(

The Night After Opening Night...

Mann had to stand in line just like everybody else. The only saving grace was that the line standing began on a weekday afternoon when demand, while still high, did not necessarily require camping out. For those unfamiliar with such ancient rites, in those days of yore, weeks worth of showings were not sold out in minutes online. Once upon a time, you actually had to and could show up at the box office, wait your turn and secure some tickets. People who were willing to put in the time and burn a little shoe leather (or tennis shoe rubber, as the case may be), actually had the advantage back then. Imagine that.

Mann's Chinese Theater – but not Mann's – the way he remembers it from the Star Wars release period (1977), as seen from Hollywood Blvd. Unfortunately, Mann didn't get to see Star Wars opening night. Snif. But he did almost as well. School was winding down and the parents of friends who understood the nearly out of control excitement of their son and his friends (Mann among them) arranged to take the group for a showing on day two of it's run. Mann was just a young kid then (as opposed to an old one now), and otherwise pretty mature for his age. But leaving the burbs and going to Hollywood to see the film on a big screen with great sound – the day after the big premiere, no less – was almost more than he could stand. The entire experience left an indelible mark on his psyche, soul and sanity which impacts him to this day. Within a few months, by the summer of 1977, the movie was playing widely across all of Southern California, and you didn't have to go far to see it. For example, it was running continuously at a shopping mall not far from Mann and his friends, which made it possible for them to see it over and over and over again... It's hard for a lot of people to imagine today, but Star Wars played theatrically across most of North America for OVER A YEAR! It was unprecedented at the time, and still represents a phenomena which will almost certainly never be duplicated – if for no other reason than we live in a time wherein movies are available for view weeks after release. It's really amazing when you think about it. Even six months after it's premiere, you could say: "Hey, I wanna go see Star Wars," and it was not impossible. You could get in your car – or, if you were Mann and his friends, hop the bus or deploy the ten speeds – and go to the not-too-distant metroplex. Odds were it was still playing in the main cinema, too. And if you were particularly sneaky, you could even figure out a way to see it several times on the same day. Not that we're saying Mann did such a thing – just that it was theoretically possible! There was one constant though, for many months: you didn't go on a Friday or Saturday night, because of the damn lines!

More of the crowd thronging Grauman's Chinese Theater during the premiere of Star Wars. In the background is the famous Roosevelt Hotel, where many a dignitary and star has stayed down through the decades. Marilyn Monroe is said to still reside there. Spooky, right? During that long, hot summer of '77, Mann would drag everyone he knew to see the movie, including his "very boring, conservative parents," who didn't quite know what to make of the film or, it became increasingly clear, of him. His father, he later learned, had at least some basis for understanding the film, having read the pulps as a kid. But as for his poor sainted mother... well, let's just say she thought The Wizard of Oz a bit too bizarre. By comparison, Star Wars was a personal affront and attack on all that was sacred and holy and... well... just... normal.

One Star Wars T-shirt Which Led to A Lifetime of Star Wars Shirts...

CLICK HERE to Read More… To say that Star Wars was an international hit and global cultural phenomena would be the understatement of all time. It was so big, it spawned everything from the obligatory Star Wars tshirts and posters, to toys, lunch boxes, collector cards, comic books, calendars, etc., etc., etc.. Like many of us, Mann wishes he'd A) kept his memorabilia, and B) kept it in primo shape. It would be worth a small fortune today. Mann's first "movie t-shirt" was also his first official piece of Star Wars merch. It was the now world-famous painting by the great Brothers Hildebrandt, who would later go onto much fame, fortune and glory, and serve as ongoing artistic inspirations for the young Mann. Their shirt was only the first of many Star Wars shirts, but by far not the last.

The pre-release original Star Wars promotional poster, painted in 36 insane hours by the Brother Hildebrandt, who would become major artistic influences on the young Mann. He also wore out his shirt with the same artwork… three times! Now, for the kids out there, if you didn't know already, this was an era (gasp) some years before video tape, a decade before CDs and decades before movies on demand. There was no Blockbuster or Netflix. The way it worked back in those days was (gasp) – when a movie closed, that was it! Period. It was gone, for all intents and purposes, forever. You might… I say, might… pick it up at a film festival or possible revival some years in the future. You couldn't realistically expect a mega-hit like Star Wars to be on TV any time soon. I mean, we're talking years. So… Fuggedaboudit. Disney (which would later buy out George Lucas and end up owning not just one but two of the greatest movie franchises of all time (Star Wars and Indiana Jones)) was known, in those days, for doing what other studios generally did not do. That being, re-releasing their classics every five years or so, so that every age group would have fond memories of Cinderella and Bambi, and be sure to bring the next generation a few iterations down the road. Mann remembers sobbing, as a young boy, during one such re-release of Bambi. And it was all damn smart marketing, of course. But nobody had any expectation that 20th Century Fox would do the same with Star Wars, so it was imperative for the devoted fan to see it as many times as possible during it's initial (and likely only) run.

Formative Life Experiences: Girls, Cars and Star Wars (Not Necessarily In That Order)

CLICK HERE to Read More... For one movie to be readily viewable at the local theater for an entire year, when most movies were gone in, at best, a month or two, was quite the thing. Two years earlier, another one of Mann's formative favorites, Jaws, had had crowds lined up around the block too. It was, for a few short years, the biggest blockbuster of all time, and the one by which everything else was measured. In fact, the term "blockbuster" was put into common use by the long, box office busting run of Jaws. But the lines and showings faded out within a few months. Star Wars seemed to go on forever and ever and ever...

If you wanted to see Star Wars in the summer of 1977, you got used to lines like this... My friends and I joked that Star Wars would be the first movie in history to be showing somewhere in every big town, on continuous loop, forever... The ubiquity of the film meant young dorks like our insane genius could see Star Wars multiple times over a period of many months. Being a teenager then, he was old enough that he didn't have to drag anyone along with him, either. Young Mann saw Star Wars over 30 times – quite a few times by himself – during that year long period. It got to the point where he could recite entire sections from memory! And he would have seen it more but, sigh... allowance only went so far. Most of his family, of course, thought he was absolutely insane – an opinion that many still hold. And perhaps he was. He had no inkling back then, as a budding artist, that his "insanity" would hold him in good stead, and that one day he'd work on Lucasfilm projects as a professional, or design funny Star Wars tshirts for other fans decades later.

Cosplay? Maybe. But fan boys? Clearly, yes! This line is probably for Return of the Jedi in 1983, but it shows the kind of fanatic dedication to Star Wars found in those days (note E.T. tshirt in background; the film came out in 1982.) Despite it all, Mann's final watch tally paled in comparison to that of other even more hard core devotees (i.e. other young lunatics). He later had a frenemy who bragged about seeing Star Wars over 100 times during that same period. Now that, Mann commented recently, tongue in cheek, "seemed a tad bit obsessive." But given the time, it was understandable too. If you were a dork in those days, you knew you might never see Star Wars again till your kids were in college, and all you would have to go by was your old, worn-out Star Wars shirts and fond recollections. It was best to top off the memories as much as possible, as they were all you would have for many years to come.

The trip to the video store is no more... Well, market forces and technology changed everything in the ensuing years. By the time of the release of Return of the Jedi in 1983 (a shocking six years after Star Wars; it was originally going to be called "Revenge of the Jedi" and released in 1980), video tape was making it's impact all across America. People were theoretically able to own their own copies of Star Wars movies and watch it whenever they wanted, in the comfort of their own homes! Of course, this was pragmatically impossible for most, as actually buying commercially recorded movies in those days was prohibitively expensive. Getting your hands on movies was what the local video store was for. Parenthetically, this was a time of great panic for the movie business, as it was believed that "home viewing" would kill theaters. The same fears were floated (even more so) when DVD arrived. Ironically, overall, the new technologies actually increased public interest, gave the studios a means to monetize their enormous back catalogues (which had never really existed before), and in general, made the studios more money, and more consistent money, too. Instead of living and dying by their latest films, the big, well-known studios had a source of ongoing revenue. Who knew that video tape would force them to change their business model – kicking and screaming the entire way – to something even better? The relentless march of technological progress would continuously bring the price of actually owning a movie down. The arrival of video disks, followed by DVDs and then Blu-Ray, made it possible. But streaming services and ultimately, video on demand, have made owning a movie unnecessary. Taken together, it all ultimately spelled the end of that long-time staple of American life, the video store, for good. Yes, kids, another whole business category time and technology has wiped out. For Mann, the "Star Wars experience," such as some have characterized it, was profound. Luckily or unluckily, our artist came of age when George Lucas' fervid imagination and blockbuster films were a powerful force on both the culture and the collective imagination. For a guy like Mann, it's all inextricably tied to seminal life events, like graduations and girlfriends, first jobs and cars, the early phases of adulthood and the departure from childish things. To some extent, anyway. The girlfriends, the cars, the jobs – even most of the buddies are vanished to the mists of time – but the love of Star Wars lingers on. It probably always will...

Some Guys Get "The Force" – Other's Get "The Farce" – And It Is With Them, Always...

Mann shudders when recounting all the different ways he has "bought the whole farm, manure and all" more than once, and is sure the evil genius behind it all, George Lucas, has laughed all the way to the bank – repeatedly! There were the innumerable versions and editions of the Star Wars saga, on tape, video disk, DVD, Blu-ray... not to mention all the other related memorabilia... many thousands of dollars worth, at least...

The three young stars of Star Wars, with imperial escort, unaware of what the future will bring. For years, Harrison Ford seemed embarrassed by his role (he doesn't look too happy here), but went on to great stardom. Poor Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher (RIP) were forever typecast, though she seemed to suffer the most from it all, at least personally. Today, Mann's enthusiasm for Star Wars has waned considerably; the inevitable result of the distance of years, decades of life experience and, as Mann is pained to say, what he would consider very bad creative choices made by Lucasfilm over the course of time. Many highly personal Star Wars-related memories, good and bad, which we've only touched on here, don't change his fundamental love for the pastiche science-fantasy universe of George Lucas. Yes, it's difficult to feel great affection when still smarting, decades later, over the existential and unforgivable threats of so-cute-I-might-puke ewoks and an entire race of Rastafarian gungans, or forgive such transgressions. It may even explain his "The Farce" series of tees, and other somewhat caustic, satirical Star Wars-inspired designs. But despite it all, the unrequited love lives on... Or maybe Mann's just fixated on getting back at George Lucas for "the slight" all those years ago. But that's a long Seinfeldian tale of bitter Hollywood resentment and revenge, better left for another time... Read the full article