#i wanna watch the anime with my friends when we'll eventually meet to have a dnd sesh💪

[pepa-is-drawing]

your average dnd party

[megthemewlingquim]

someone new.

summary: there's an art to life's distractions.

pairing: eventual hades! loki x persephone! reader

warnings: implied smut, alcohol consumption

a/n: here it is, the first part of foreigner's god. as said in this fic's masterlist, these will not be chapters, but rather short stories and one shots that can be read separately or as one whole piece. it's up to you.

i plan to base each part off of one or two hozier songs. this is inspired by "someone new".

is there a right way to fall in love?

    that’s what loki asks himself every day — well, every night — when he spends his free time at bars and gatherings. populated widely with fellow gods, goddesses, and spirits of many colors and passions; these bars are perfect places to find someone new.

    being the god of death, however, puts loki at a bit of a disadvantage. yes, the stereotypes are, unfortunately, true. loki is dark, a little antisocial, and very quiet. beautiful in appearance — death is seductive, at least to the willing.

    ‘the willing’ being many a spirit, many a dryad or goddess or creature who wants bragging rights, or a little nightly thrill. ‘that’s right,’ they say, ‘i had a little dance with death last night.’

loki doesn’t mind the mornings when his temporary partners talk about the nights, but he always cringes when they mention that accursed french phrase — la petite mort. it’s a joke to them. a mockery.

   yet, they stay, and sometimes, they come back for another little death.

    the spirits and goddesses never make a big impact on him. he is with one for a night, then another for a night, and so on. he falls in love every day with someone new and it’s a bore. a bore and a drag.

    dark caresses don’t do much to numb the pain: the pain of loneliness and solitude. the ache in his heart is constant, tearing at his mind whenever it can. alcohol can't do much either — all gods have a very high tolerance. mead was made for them.

   so loki is left with no escape besides those that come from the willing. little deaths. they make him feel loved.

   no...

   no one loves death. some crave him. but they don't love him.

   that’s the common theme running through loki’s head every time he takes someone home with him, or goes upstairs with them to the top floors of the inns he’s at, where the bedrooms are. it’s a distraction.

   however, the cycle ends when, while pointlessly wandering around his usual bar, he sees someone new one night. you.

   you radiate this... this warmth that he’s never felt before. everyone around you seems to be affected by it too - they don’t treat you as the life of the party, but they do gravitate towards you like birds to a nest. 

    and you’re quite shy, but infectiously happy and cheerful. you’re so beautiful, with your bright eyes that he knows are wide and filled with wonder, and your lovely skin that he knows is so soft. and your smile that he knows is so comforting to all who see it.

   to everyone else, you feel like they’ve just wandered into a happy memory, or a sun-lit room that’s pleasantly warm and golden. you feel familiar. ordinary, but lovely all the same.

   to loki, you feel... feel like something he’s only experienced in dreams. so, really, he’s never felt it before in his immortal life: something warm and alive and... and anticipatory. like there’s new things about to come up to the surface — flowers, new animals, maybe. you give off a sense of... he can’t describe it well. a slow and joyful awakening something.

   and you also feel completely and utterly powerful. unstoppable. he’s terrified of you, and yet he’s drawn to you. you’re so fascinating, strange. not as if you could end the world, no, that’s his own job. but it’s as if you can bring the whole world to life, raise it back up again after the chaos fades.

   you feel like spring. like rebirth. like new life.

   and that’s when it hits him.

   persephone. he’s heard the name passed around before, but before now, he has never seen the face behind the name. something about this sparks some fear in him: how would persephone, goddess of spring, daughter of demeter, react to seeing anyone even remotely like himself?

   for a moment, he’s grateful that you’re not looking at him; you’re actually looking at the table, at the drink you’re sipping. there’s a look on your face that isn’t bored, nor afraid. maybe... observant.

   people are around you still. not crowding, but not interacting with you either. it’s like you have a bubble around you, keeping everyone from getting too close. maybe it’s your doing but maybe it’s theirs. honestly, you’d think that dryads and gods and goddesses and spirits of all forms and colors and subjects would be more accepting.

   he pities you. you seem lonely.

��  loki takes a few steps forward, betraying his own fear. like the red sea, the crowd parts. some are bold and unafraid, and they give loki varying looks: disgusted, seductive, snarky. you don’t notice him until he sits down in front of you, at the other end of the table.

   “hi,” he says calmly. he manages a small smile. “you’re new here, aren’t you?”

   your eyes lift to lock with his own. immediately, you recoil just the slightest bit. he knows what you’re thinking: wait, that’s hades! god of death... wh-why is he talking to me?

   “it’s alright,” he soothes. “don’t worry. you’ve probably heard of all the stories: gods kidnapping and doing terrible things to goddesses and spirits and dryads. i’m not here to do any of that. i promise.”

   with a single, somewhat confused blink, you nod. “m-my mother has told me a lot about that stuff,” you say slowly, as if saying anything too revealing will somehow alert demeter and get you in trouble. “she’s... she’s terrified...”

   “what is she terrified of? that those terrible things might happen to you?”

   “yes,” you say. “she’s told me that she’s had nightmares in the past. specifically about you. how you’ll kidnap me and take me to hell to live with you.”

   he laughs at that - a rich, amused laugh that takes the shivers out of you. “that’s bullshit. overprotective mothers, yeah?”

   you shrug. “she loves me.”

   “and are you afraid of me, princess?” the last word is whispered. his voice extremely soft - it’s a curious question.

   he notices how you lick your lips. “no,” you say. he notices how your eyes flick all over him. “no, i’m not.” and you seem truthful.

   “smart girl,” he says with a grin. “i hate liars. there’s not a god on in the world that’s ever been truthful. well, besides jesus. yahweh. whatever you wanna call him.” loki leans back, crossing his hands behind his head and bringing his feet up to the table. “your father, though... he’s the worst of ‘em. having children with other women, including your mother, while hera has to sit by and watch, and then lying about it.”

   “we’re gods,” you say. “i'm not trying to justify things but... we’re far from perfect.”

   “damn right we are. we’re fucked up. good. we can agree on something. most days, people think us gods are... perfect things. role models. and, maybe some are. but not us. not the gods of olympus.”

   he pauses, takes a swig from a beer bottle that was not in his hand a few seconds ago. “i was wondering if you wanted to do what humans do.” loki winces at the awkwardness. “when they're... y'know. interested in someone.”

   “you're interested... in me?” you ask, incredulously.

   “yeah, i am.” one sip of beer has loosened his tongue. or maybe that's just his confidence soaring now. “maybe this hasn't been the best introduction to things but i would love to take you out sometime. show you things.”

   “my —” you swallow. “i'd get in trouble.” you shrink away just a bit.

   his smile fades and it's replaced with a sadder, more sincere look. “the best things in life have risk to them. it's time i show you that.”

   and really, he does feel sorry for you. it's your first time at a bar, you're lonely. no friends as far as he can tell. an overprotective goddess mother.

   “think of it this way. i think you're very pretty and i like your honesty. i would like to help you see the world, and to have a little fun, since your mother has obviously never let you do anything in your very, very long life.”

   “i'm twenty—one.”

   “and now i'm wondering if demeter actually has you tell people that, as if you're a teenage mortal.” loki shakes his head, disappointed. “that's pathetic. you're a bajillion years old. you're a goddess! you should be able to do whatever the fuck you want, right?”

   when there's no answer from you, he sighs. leans forward to sit normally, putting both of his elbows on the table and pointing his hands at you. “alright. i'll roll with it for now. you're twenty—one. i guess. you can drink. you can go out alone to bars and other places. you can meet new people. you're an adult. think about that.

   “so, again. i think you're very pretty and i wanna show you around. get to know you. would you like to do that with me?” he raises his eyebrows a little, waiting for a response.

   it's an eternity before you can win a battle in your mind. slowly, you nod, giving him a smile. “yeah,” you whisper. “yeah, i would. thank you.”

   “don't thank me just yet, sweetheart. i haven't shown you anything yet.” he gets up, pushes his chair in.

   before he leaves, he winks at you. “call me loki. it's... not as dreadful... as hades. and... what do i call you?”

   you say your name, your voice quiet.

   “much better than persephone, i think. it suits you. we'll keep in touch, ok?”

   “okay,” you say. butterflies are flying rapidly in your stomach.

   loki leaves you there. he'd much rather take you back to your home himself, but that would be too risky for the time being. for now, he walks out of that bar feeling like the king of the world.

[the-trashy-phoenix]

Supernatural season 1 review (part 1, with a little summary)

Link to part 2:

As Carly just said, some weeks ago she finished to watch the last season of Supernatural (if you've never seen or heard about this TV series, I'm sorry to inform you that it has 15 seasons, yeah, crazy) and for some reason she wanted to rewatch every single episode from the beginning, with me. I'm not really into TV series and I haven't watched many, but I accepted because I thought I couldn't leave my teen years without making this thrilling experience.

We've just finished the first season (I don't wanna know when we'll finish the whole show, I'll probably spend the next two or three years on this) and I collected some opinions about it.

I was informed about the storyline and the contents, nevertheless the very beginning of the first episode quite shocked me. For those who don't know, the first scene is about the murder of a woman by a supernatural creature, which gives start to the narration because from then on her husband and their two sons, Sam and Dean, dedicate their life to hunting that demon and all kinds of supernatural creatures they find on the way, so that every episode is devoted to a different "hunt", as they call it. The background storyline, in the first half of the season, is the search for Sam and Dean's father, who is somewhere missing hunting that demon that killed his wife, while in the second and final part the family gathers in order to be stronger to eventually fight it.

Of course the supernatural creatures they hunt are different every time, and I appreciated that the authors had a great fantasy to invent or desume them from local traditions and myths: Sam and Dean fight all kinds of demons, ghosts, animals and even people and, being the first season, you learn how to defeat them with the protagonists and feel deeply involved in their job. What they're doing, freeing the world from evil, feels so right that you can even easily understand and excuse their continuous breaking the law and lying, also because every episode has a happy ending and all the people involved end up trusting and thanking them. Moreover, the general skepticism they meet really contributes in making the story realistic and believable, making unbelievable, but still true, everything the brothers find on their way and making us feel like we know something secret to most of other people.

I've just said "job" ... Well, they call it job but in fact they never get paid and I wondered many times how they can live or travel all around the USA on a beatiful car without any money, but, you know, that's just fiction. By the way, they really travel a lot to catch supernatural events, it could probably be interesting to draw a map of their journey...

The only aspect I have to criticize is that the episodes are not so linked by a sort of "fil rouge", but Carly reassured me that the next seasons will be much better also under this point of view.

Talking about her, I highly recommend to watch this show with someone, and better when you're not home alone, if you get frightened easily like me, because some scenes are quite scary.

It's of course a thriller/horror series, and other themes, such as love, are touched, as far as I can say at this point, just to contribute to the characterization of the protagonists. I can never tell what is my "favourite thing" out of a group, so I won't say what's my favourite episode because I couldn't choose, but I'll make an effort and confess my favourite character so far is Sam.

He's the younger brother, and he's always been an outsider in his family: while his father and Dean thought hunting supernatural creatures was their duty and activity for life, he decided to leave them to have a "normal life" studying at University. This dream vanishes when Dean convinces him to come back with the family because their father is missing, but Sam never really quits thinking about studying. Also because the "hunting life" means never settling down, never building strong relationships (while before leaving he had a girlfriend), and Dean, apparently convinced they must dedicate their life to hunting, seems to underestimate the choice he forces Sam into. Of course it's not Dean's fault, but maybe he should've been more comprehensive about what his brother was going through. So, Sam often seems to be more sensitive and wise than his brother, and I say "seems" because I also think Dean hides much more of his personality and feelings which I hope will emerge in the next seasons. I feel like he experienced somehow similar struggles, but he knew how to make hunting fun, and he is able to show Sam that their life could be much better than he expected. Together they make an amazing team, always supporting and taking care of each other, because they are so different that they find help in the other one every time.

Family is certainly the main motive of the first season: Dean gathers Sam and eventually their father together, but it's not that simple as he had imagined. Every family has some hidden issues, and when the Winchesters start hunting together Sam can't stand John's domineering attitude, to which Dean is completely used, because his only desire is to emancipate from him and show him his worth. That's the power of the last episodes: you can fully understand Sam wanting to create his own future but also willing to follow his family and do the job he's destined to. But you can also understand Dean (or maybe you'd want him as a friend since he's so fun!) who loves his brother and father so much he has to be strong to support them. You will even understand some of John's actions, because at the end he made all his choices in the name of the love for Sam and Dean, even if not without mistakes.

So, if you haven't watched Supernatural already, go and do it because you'll grow with these two boys and you will slowly grow fond of them (or at least you'll know how to defeat a demon speaking Latin, which could always come in handy).

Can't wait to see what's happening next…

- Irene 💕

[punkscowardschampions]

Lux & Dash

Lux: Hey 😊 Lux: wanna hang out today? Dash: Bummer! There's no way Dash: I promised Sapphire we'd hang Lux: Can't I come with? What are you doing? Dash: she wouldn't be down Dash: you get the picture, yeah? Lux: I don't think I know Sapphire...? Dash: she has a groovy Cleopatra vibe Lux: 🐍🐍🐍 love that Lux: you gonna be Marc or Julius? Dash: Who did she dig more? Lux: You're more of the Antony type Lux: they had their own drinking club called inimitable livers Lux: and they played pranks on people in disguise Dash: Right on! Lux: I hope your love affair doesn't end in such dire circumstances Dash: it'll be outta sight, don't sweat it Dash: she's made loads of her own promises back Lux: She's not the sister of anyone is she? Dash: Onyx but he's cool Lux: Hmm, actually, my point is moot regardless, if she's Cleopatra, it's Octavia's brother you need to worry about Lux: Cleo could 💀 her own Lux: never mind then, you should be fine 😁 Dash: you know how to lay a real trip, huh? Dash: I almost forgot Lux: forgot about Marcus Antonius?! Lux: don't wanna be doomed to repeat it, Dashiel, think on Dash: no doom in my 🔮 babe Lux: 🌈✨ good times Dash: that's more the shit to 🗨 into being Lux: I don't think you can blame the eventual fall of Rome on me being in your inbox when you'd rather I weren't 😄 Dash: No blame, I just gotta do my own thing Lux: do you think any of us can ever be unique Dash: Beats me, that's heavy 💭 Lux: I thought that's what you were getting at Lux: Bummer Lux: I'll ask around Dash: I'm not trying to get into anything with you Dash: later, maybe Lux: You aren't going to have an answer for me later Lux: Don't sweat it, Dash Dash: if you wanna go ahead & cut me some slack I'll have magic for you Dash: just not now Lux: It doesn't matter Lux: I want conversation and someone to hang with, you want neither, that's chill Dash: what you want isn't a bad scene but it's not mine Dash: I can turn you onto someone whose it is, you'll have a blast Lux: that's okay ✌ Lux: I'll make my own friends, continue to Dash: Cool Lux: godspeed 🚀 I will let you know my findings 🗳📋 Dash: you know where to find me to lay whatever you want on me Dash: 🍎🍏🌳 Lux: what do you like most about 🍎🍏🌳 there Dash: 👀 Lux: good answer Lux: the ☀ looks best through 🍃🌳🍂 Dash: & the sky looks 🍒 from that high Lux: 🍒🥧 sounds good Dash: I'm hip to that Lux: does that mean you're going to make one? Lux: I'll get the 🍨 a la mode or nothing baby Dash: you're the girl, why aren't you making it? Lux: ha, I wasn't raised one though, so that kind of nonsense does not work on me 😅 Lux: I like brown sugar and cinnamon on the top please Dash: I'll find a 🐤 who's not wise to it & pass that on Dash: but they won't be fitting an apron how you would ✨ Lux: I don't want deception pie Lux: it will taste all the bitter for it 😖😖😖 yuck yuck yuck Dash: I'll pick the 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋🍌🍉🍇🍓🍈🍒🍑 for it Dash: keep it sweet & honest Lux: make me a basket Lux: that way you get to be sweet and I don't have to participate in any misogyny for baked goods Dash: What's with the goddess demands when you know I've got demands on my time? Lux: you're so busy, right? Dash: 🚀🪐💫 Dash: I can't be weaving you a basket like it's no biggie Lux: well that is not what I meant 😏 Lux: but if you can't handle it then I'm sure I'll manage just fine Dash: weave a 🐤 a basket and she's 💖 for a day, teach her to basket weave... Lux: how very like a man to claim mastery over a skill women for centuries just did because they had to Lux: you had your chance to be 👏 over your pastry making expertise but you declined Dash: how righteous of you to keep the faith on that belief but yo, can you do it? I can Dash: declining everything I can teach you is a bad trip to be on Dash: you said you weren't down to feast on bitter fruit, that's gotta include sour 🍇 baby Lux: It's a very wholesome past life you've painted for me if I somehow acquired that skill Lux: certainly a prettier picture than the truth alas Lux: I haven't declined any invitation Lux: that's you Dash: I haven't either Dash: There's a time & a place for us to reconnect Dash: after Sapphire's Dash: & Lotus' Lux: your schedule isn't going to dictate mine Lux: we'll see when that time is Lux: 🌍🌌💫 willing Dash: come & 👀 me then Dash: it'll be unreal again Lux: you want me to watch you from the nearest 🍎🍏🌳? Dash: or 🌌 til the 7th day of the 7th month if you still vibe with that story Lux: That's an interesting way to inquire about my faith Lux: you'd make an excellent youth pastor Lux: 🤭 Dash: you've heard me play 🎸 Lux: and your cool lingo Lux: yep, it is indeed your calling Lux: we'll start your bible study as soon as the 🌍 is ready Dash: sounds like a drag Dash: how are we gonna make it fun? Lux: 🍪🍪🥛 and fellow youths, duh Dash: if you're gonna teach me it needs to be visual Dash: that's my way Lux: really? Lux: well, I'm going to need all my creativity and crafting skills to recreate Noah's Ark Dash: Moses'll be easy, I'll weave a basket for real Dash: he's the one, yeah? 👶 Lux: that's him Lux: have a whole cast of 👶 to choose from Dash: & animals Lux: I'll just try to avoid being like Sarah and 👊 all the mothers in envy Lux: not a good look Dash: I can get you a baby 🐈 if it'll keep the peace Lux: 😄 it'd be a whole other story if that's what Abraham had done Dash: he coulda taken 5 & let me 🛹⚡️ to my nan's place Lux: a man who marries his sister and needs to populate the 🌍 ain't got no time to chill, Dashiel Dash: the more you tell me, the more he fits into my family 🌳 Lux: 🤨 🧐 Lux: you're holy too? Dash: last time we got together you seemed to 💭👀🗨 so Lux: false prophets hold a certain amount of appeal, of course Dash: what was false? Lux: well, it's not for me to say you weren't speaking the word of God, I suppose Lux: but it's also a big no-no to worship false idols, it's in the big 10, so Lux: very tricky, actually Dash: Do you want me to try & make amends or what's left of the other 9? Lux: How many of do you think you've broken today? Dash: tell me what they are Lux Thou shalt have no other gods before me Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy Honour thy father and thy mother Thou shalt not murder Thou shalt not commit adultery Thou shalt not steal Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour Thou shalt not covet Lux: score out of 10 please Dash: what's a graven image? Lux: that's the idol part Dash: right on, I don't have time to like carve a statue of you & worship it but the intent is there Dash: no adultery or murder either, but the rest Lux: well Lux: consider me appalled not shocked 😳 Dash: what's your score? Lux: 3, I think Dash: you covet the fruit for a pie & Lux: Yes 😘 Lux: and I am not honouring my father or mother and I've put myself before god so Lux: I think those are the only ones, though arguably referring to myself like that is taking it in vain but I wasn't the first one to say it Dash: that's the shit you should ask around about 🗳📋 /10 Lux: maybe I'll do weekly questionnaires Lux: no one else is as mad as you were to be compared to Mark Antony but A LOT of people think we're all ❄️ Dash: beauty enough for ❄ & false idols Lux: Sculpture isn't my forte but I'll do my best Lux: you'll have to stand still long enough for me to 👀 Dash: I don't think I can Dash: we're poetry in motion, I know you felt it Lux: I'm not in the business of denying what I feel Dash: you haven't grown a totally different head since I last 👀 you Lux: now that WOULD be impressive Lux: stuck with this one only Dash: stuck makes it sound like that's a bummer Dash: looking how you do could NEVER be a drag Lux: you've not lost your charm either Dash: every compliment I've given you before, I would give you today Lux: damn timing Dash: Meet me under the 🌙? Lux: I shan't turn into a 🎃 Dash: I won't turn into a 🐀 Lux: then I don't see why not Dash: Then I'll be waiting for you Lux: Patiently? Dash: you already know that's not one of my virtues Lux: 😇 takes a lot of hard work Dash: you're the 👼 Lux: I do like hearing it Dash: I'll write you another song Lux: you keep writing songs for everyone, no wonder you've got no time Dash: school's that much of a hassle, it's that or crash 💤 Lux: what don't you like about it? Dash: I don't like anything about it Dash: nothing radical ever happens Dash: & there's way more commandments than 10 Dash: I could be spending my time here on the farm, helping things run smooth Lux: Hmm Lux: Interesting Dash: I read, I know shit Dash: I can write and do maths Dash: understand people Lux: and you feel like that's all school has to offer you? Dash: I don't see why I have to do x or y number of years more in an institution Dash: there's nothing I can get there that I can't get in the 🌍 Lux: I'll add it to my survey ideas Dash: 🤯💭 Lux: 🐝🧠 or 🎨🧠 Lux: only time will tell Dash: I'm hip to it being about getting out of just being around the same 🐈 & 🐤 Dash: meeting people with different vibes who you probably won't dig Dash: but I've got my bro for that Lux: the footballer Lux: I remember Dash: my dad & his piece too, they're drags in the same way Lux: what do you bond with your dad over? Dash: I don't Lux: is it like school and you're not bothered though Lux: or is it a shame Dash: Do I 🌠 he 👀 me? Used to Dash: not a rush I need to chase now Lux: I get it Dash: He's got the ⚽🏆 son he wants & I've got a family here Lux: it's not a good enough replacement though, is it Lux: no matter how nice people are here, or wherever I end up next and after that Lux: I'm never going to hear the people I grew up with, who loved and raised me, call me by the right name Lux: or daughter, or sister Dash: You're not gonna stay? Lux: this place was made for moving out, right? Lux: it's transient Dash: they can love you, raise you, you don't have to split Lux: I've been raised but Lux: I get what you're saying Lux: when I put roots down again Lux: it needs to be for keeps Dash: this can be for keeps Dash: it is for me Lux: we had some travellers at my daddy's church for a while Lux: 'til they got moved on Lux: places like this Lux: it's never forever Dash: What's forever? Not my parents marriage or my dad's football career Dash: if we have to go we go together, all of us Dash: new buildings maybe but the same family Lux: I'm glad that you have that Dash: you can Dash: you're welcome & wanted Dash: nobody here is related to me by blood but we're still connected Lux: I know, everyone has been very welcoming Lux: on the whole Dash: you can get comfortable, this place has been here years Lux: alright Lux: anyway, didn't Cleopatra show yet? Dash: She'll be waiting for a mirror Lux: huh? Dash: she's not cool with coming to me before checking what she looks like Dash: as if I've never 👀 her Lux: doesn't it feel Lux: Abraham and Sarah vibes Dash: what do you mean? Lux: incestuous Lux: because you say they're your family Lux: but you sleep with them Dash: she won't stay Dash: a tourist Lux: and you only sleep with the ones that won't stay Dash: they sleep with me, it's part of the tour Dash: you remember Lux: Cool speech there then Dash: I don't always get it right, like Dash: I thought that was your vibe, it's not Lux: no, you were exactly right Dash: Lux, come on Lux: it's family to you Lux: you don't care about the endless stream of fucked up girls who can cross here off their nowhere left to go list Lux: what they might be searching for Lux: never mind you actually have a home, somewhere you could be Lux: I was beyond wrong about you Dash: Don't fucking frame it like that Lux: 'cos you did a brilliant job with your narrative Lux: part of the tour, give me a fucking break Lux: you know, you aren't superior because you choose to be here, it's the opposite Lux: what kind of person lords that over people who have no choice, nowhere else they can be Lux: what the fuck Dash: that's not what I'm doing, chill out Lux: just don't Lux: you have no justification, you have no reason Lux: and clearly whatever you are doing here is going unchecked so whatever Lux: I'll be gone soon, but just know, I fucking see you Dash: I told you before we started, you set the pace, everything we did we both wanted to do Dash: nothing I do needs to be checked Lux: so you're that guy Lux: it isn't only bad if it's some serial killer down an alley and the girl is screaming and crying no Dash: You're making this way heavier than it is Lux: You don't get to tell me what I'm making it Dash: I don't get why you're twisting everything Lux: I haven't twisted anything Dash: we had fun, you said you liked me Lux: this isn't a straight issue of consent Lux: it's the fact that I know you knew I was vulnerable, I told you things, why I was here Lux: and you think it's acceptable to fuck people who are in that position, and you can't deny it because you literally did it to me, because, you know, they won't be here long Lux: and to have the nerve to advertise this place, these people, yourself, as a fucking safe space Lux: family Lux: that is insanely fucked up, I don't know how no one has ever told you that Dash: you can back off this witch hunt, yeah? Dash: you're not the same as Sapphire or Amber or Lotus or whoever Dash: they don't tell me things, it's not the fucking same Lux: Well I'm definitely sorry I did Dash: that's all been shallow, this got deep, you know Lux: I don't think I know anything about you Lux: not really Dash: You're just flipping out, I flipped you out Dash: but I didn't mean to & you don't mean that Lux: I just need to not be here right now Dash: Lux Lux: It's fine Lux: I mean, it's not Lux: but I'm leaving the main house to go for a walk, so just don't let me see you, okay Dash: You're not gonna tell anyone, are you? Lux: excuse me? Dash: all that shit you said about how it's not a safe space Lux: who the hell do I have to tell? Lux: and that's the worst part Dash: There's loads of people you could, but it's not true Lux: for a second there, you almost sounded like you gave a shit Lux: places like this will always exist, I'm not under any illusion I can stamp them all out Dash: I do! Dash: maybe I fucked up but that's not the farm's fault Lux: I'm not going to the cops, I have nothing to tell Dash: my head didn't go there, there's loads of good people here, doing beautiful things Dash: if I'm not one of them, that'll be my karma Dash: you don't have to leave Lux: I'm not Lux: that's your karma Lux: someone needs to stick around so there's some sense of consequence for your actions Dash: you don't have to go full avenging 👼 on me Dash: I won't be going heavy on you Lux: It's not a joke, Dash Dash: I'm not 🤡ing Dash: nothing uncool needs to happen between us, I'll give you space or whatever Lux: You're afraid Lux: aren't you Lux: that if I tell what you're like, girls like Cleopatra won't go near you anymore Lux: Jesus Christ Dash: I don't need to be afraid of that, I told you, we're all having fun Dash: there's no big soap opera vibe Lux: Fuck off now Dash: Ask Amber, she was mad at me before you but not like that, you've got this wrong Lux: I haven't got anything wrong Lux: this is what you did, to me, that's the end of Lux: you can tell yourself what you like about the rest, that's no concern of mine Dash: Nah, we talked about it, how I've done shit before that's 💔 & you said you didn't care Dash: that I couldn't hurt you Dash: & that you could tell I wasn't a bad person Dash: Why are you just taking it all back like none of that fucking happened? Lux: Why did you prove me wrong in such spectacular fashion? Lux: there's a reason you prefer keeping things shallow, and this is it Lux: if the answer isn't a yes or it's cool, you don't want to know, you don't want to be checked Dash: The reason I keep things shallow is they're on a fly by, they don't want to stay & I don't wanna be connected to someone else that'll split on me Lux: you aren't the gatekeeper of this place Lux: and nothing's forever, by your own admission Dash: I am of myself & I do my own fucking checks, yeah? Maybe you don't have a heart left to break by your own admission but I'm protecting the one you don't believe I've got, like Lux: There's no world in which I'm feeling sorry for you right now, okay Lux: you do not vet every girl you fuck for her tragic backstory, cut the crap Dash: Gimme a break, I said talking isn't usually part of it, going both ways, wouldn't be very chill or shallow if it was Lux: Yeah, like I said, you don't care Lux: and that's your lookout Lux: but to give it that faux hippie bullshit about family and welcoming, when you mean only for yourself, fucking sucks Lux: don't bother pretending, just be honest Dash: it happened different with you, that's the honest truth Dash: search me why Lux: right Lux: I wasn't born yesterday Dash: I do care Lux: you should be a better friend Lux: to these people, the ones you care about Dash: yeah Lux: that's all I have to say Dash: I'll cool it too then Lux: I don't think you're evil Lux: but I don't think you're a good person now Dash: I can't change your mind? Lux: Of course you can Dash: by doing what? Lux: by being a good person or a bad Dash: Beats me how that's getting judged when everyone else already thinks I'm being a good person except you & my bro Lux: don't confuse people not caring either way for approval of your actions Dash: you want me to care more for people who don't, nothing confusing about that Lux: I said being good wasn't easy Dash: & responsibility isn't my bag, he takes all that on Lux: there we go then Lux: I'm not expecting anything Dash: like I said, I'm not giving you anything but space Lux: Whatever Lux: Goodbye Dash: I'm sorry we read each other wrong Dash: it hasn't happened before Lux: It's happened plenty before Lux: they leave Lux: your behaviour and attitude is bullshit and I won't be apologising to you Dash: chill, you've made your point Lux: it's not about making it, it's about you understanding Lux: but why the fuck should I care, actually Lux: you're right, way too confusing, way too hard, no point Dash: get out of here then Dash: I don't understand & you don't care Lux: I'm not leaving, remember Lux: and that's the fucking point, you'll have to get used to feeling uncomfortable with it Dash: you can split conversationally, was more the vibe Lux: no, Dash Lux: you don't control the conversation, the narrative, any of it, that's the 'vibe' Lux: if you're feeling some type of way, you should go, take some responsibility for yourself Dash: You're responsible for hassling me now Lux: Then leave Lux: you control you, I control me Lux: I'm not doing what you don't want to do for some notion of being the fucking 'chill' cool one here Dash: I don't understand this, that's why I don't want to Lux: I don't think you want to Lux: it's fun and it's easy to do fucked up things Lux: and if everyone else is doing them, or not calling you out for it, why not Dash: I didn't do a fucked up thing to you Lux: I've said you did Dash: but that's not the way it was Dash: I opened up to you to, I still am Lux: You tell me about the tour and then you tell me I'm different though Lux: How do you expect me to take you at your word when what you've described there is exactly what went down Dash: I showed you around & I've showed some of them around, that doesn't mean everything else that happened was the same Lux: you said it like you thought I'd think it was funny Dash: I don't know why I did that Lux: Be honest Lux: was it just to see how cool I was and how I could hang Lux: or was it because you forgot, and thought I was one of the boys Dash: that couldn't be further from how I see you Lux: okay Lux: that's something then Dash: I meant what I said when I told you you're like a song I can't get out of my head, how I wanted to live in all those moments cos of what they felt like Dash: it's only got worse since then Dash: I didn't wanna hurt you, I don't Lux: you didn't hurt me by what you did Lux: at least, not at the time Lux: it's what you said Lux: to have to put bad intentions to those moments, you must get how shitty that is, you at least feel that too Dash: I was trying to show you this is different Lux: my head hurts Dash: Yeah 🌪 Lux: make sure you have some water Dash: that's your magic 🔮✨💖 Lux: I don't think I have any right now Dash: You haven't lost it Lux: I just need to replenish Dash: Me too Lux: I'll wish you good luck on that then Dash: Later? Lux: Yeah Dash: 🚀🪐💫

[lifeofbouyd]

Apple's sweet 16

At age 7 I had met what I thought would someday be my wife; Apple. She was an angel. I met her at uncles favorite bar with her friend Vanessa. While every other kid was running up and down like wild animals they just sat there; being pretty. I noticed them for a very long time before finding an excuse to get close.

Me: Hey, you’re pretty.

Vanessa: Apple doesn’t like you

Me: I wasn’t talking to you.

Apple just sat there smiling as if she was crazy.

At least I had made her smile. I went back to playing and I remember our eyes making four each time I looked around. For days I thought; does she really not like me, why wouldn’t she?. I hadn’t seen her until like a month later when uncle and I went to her aunts bar. We were both shocked to see each other. This girl was right under my nose without my knowledge, she was my next door neighbor. We played for a while and got to know each other. This became my regular hang out spot. I’d rush to her house everyday after school before even doing my homework.

One day she came over and we were playing as always when I decided to be a hero.

Me: wanna be my girlfriend?

Apple: I am your girlfriend.

I stood in amazement for a while (((mute))) with no idea in the world as to what just happened. Bouyd, Bouyd, say something for God sakes. I just kept starting at her and smiling. Officially my first girlfriend Apple and I were meant for each other or so I thought. Apple and I broke up more times than I can count but somehow we always got back together.

We didn't see each other for a few years until we started high school. By turning a teen she became the most wanted girl by the boys in the streets. For me, this was a stiff competition. These guys were prized bulls or prince charming as some would call it. And me, well hmm; let's just say I was not in their league. The difference between me and these guys was, I was King of words and I was always there with her even when she chose to give them a chance.

I can't forget us planning her sweet 16. She had just broken up with this guy down the street because he was cheating on her. I was already a hoe in the streets but Apple was always the queen of my deck. I wanted to beat this guy so bad but she kept begging for him. Eventually, I left him alone. She wanted cake, music, decoration and people. That was an easy pull for me. Invited all my friends and she did the same. We expected to have a blast.

I got shaved, took a very long shower and got dressed as if I was going out with a celebrity. It's birthday night. I had already sent her a really nice birthday message in the morning and I have made a birthday card that I planned to give her. I linked up my friends and headed to the party.

I guess this was my first official heartbreak. Let me set the scene. Place nicely decorated, pretty cake, booming music, lots of friends and a pretty girlfriend. Life doesn't get better than this. She was beautiful, I've never seen her this dressed up. My friends and I were busy drinking a holding a vibe until it was time for me to help her cut the cake. It's time to cut the cake guys, everyone gather round. I got up from my seat feeling like a King only to get the shock of my life. There's the same nigga I want to beat so bad standing beside her about to cut the cake 😞. ((((What the fuck)))).

Ashamed, I watched him help her cut her sweet 16 cake (deep breath). She said we’d do it together, she said she loved me, she said they weren’t together. Then why the fuck is he there and I’m here looking like a fool. Did I do something wrong, am I missing something?. Tears filled my eyes as my friends started to laugh. “Man tek weh yuh gyal”. Believe me, I don’t think there’s been a worst night than that.

Cake anyone?. Nah, I’m full. I thought of starting a fight several ways but I was too ashamed to even drink a glass of water. “Apple’s looking for you Bouyd, what you gonna do”?. Fuck Apple, who the fuck she think she is?. I hate her. Ima fuck this party up.

((Bouyd, Bouyd)). It was apple calling me.

Apple: Bouyd I need to talk to you.

Me: about what

Apple: about all this

Me: Apple leave me the fuck alone. You just embarrassed me in front of everyone.

Apple: I’m sorry.

Me: at which point did you become sorry? Before or after he helped you cut the cake or was it while I was helping you plan your birthday?.

Apple: I didn't mean to hurt you Bouyd

Me: Just leave me the fuck alone. I don't ever wanna see you again.

I ate my heart while saying that to her. I watched her cry her eyes out while my heart grew cold in my stomach. (((Deep breath))) I had flashbacks of her cooking and singing for me; even crying on my shoulder whenever she needed someone to talk to. I was always there. She's supposed to love me, she said she did. I walked away that night and I never stopped to look back. Ashamed & broken hearted I decide no one will ever get close to me again. I made myself a vow that night; I’d never open up to anyone, not even if they cried me a River.

Since then I've found it really hard to connect to my emotional side and whenever I was able to, my heart only got battered worst than it already was. I got so used to hurting people and shutting them out I couldn't tell the difference between who was real or not. The sad part is we eventually winded up back together; but my inability to love her the way I should, resulted in her heart being broken. They say karma is a bitch, an eye for an eye. But I really loved that girl and even though she hurt me, she didn't deserve what I put her through year's later. Truth about life and love is, somethings you'll never be able to get over or let go. Sometimes we'll wind up meeting the right person at the wrong time and that shit can mess you up, literally. But don't worry guys that's not the end of Apple’s story. You'll find out what happened in chapters to come.

[jules-hoard-of-stuff]

List of animes I recommend for people with anxiety! (Warning: tons of cute ahead)

Hey! So I noticed a lot of anime now is... well, stressful to watch. Things like Death Note and Devilman Crybaby are on the rise. But some of us just wanna sit down and watch something super cute, right? Something to get us away from the harsh world.

Well that my friend is why this list exists! These are just a few animes that I like and find non-emotionally threatening(aka it doesn't stress me the fuck out).

Note: most of these will be rather cutesy and not very serious. If that's not your shtick, sorry :/

1: Love Live!!!

Love Live is an idol anime, about girls whose dream is to enter the "Love Live School Idol Project" competition. This one is super funny and cutesy, and I really love it! But it also teaches important lessons on working hard, trying your best, and being true to yourself and your friends.

This anime has a few seasons of each. There's the original Love Live! series, and then there's it's predecessor, Love Live! Sunshine!! This is one of those animes where you will undoubtedly choose 1 or 2 favorite characters.

2. Aikatsu Stars!

Aikatsu stars is another idol anime that takes place at Four Star school for those who want to pursue lives on the stage. The series follows Yume Nijino, a happy go lucky girl who wants nothing more than to be like her idols, the girl group S4. Especially the singer, Hime. As the series goes on, it goes slowly from an anime where everything is a breeze for her, to something more challenging. They also were smart not to introduce characters right away, so there's always someone new just around the corner.

The anime is normally in 2d, but when they transform for the stage, it goes into stunning and we'll made CG. The one fault I have with this show is the fact that for a while, they use the same song for 3 performances in a row... (I don't fault you if you eventually start to skip over ones you've already seen. I do that too)

This anime has TONS OF episodes and can easily be found on youtube, uploaded in English Sub all in a row.

3. Sanrio Boys!

Now this one is a little more emotionally challenging in the beginning but I assure you, it's WORTH it. This anime is about a highschool boy who claims he is average in every way. However, as the series goes on, it's revealed he loves Pompompurin, a sanrio puppy character modeled after pudding... and struggling with how "unmanly" and weak he might be seen as. He soon meets Shunsuke and Yuu(pictured above), two other boys who love sanrio characters(Yuu loves My Melody, Shunsuke loves Hello Kitty). This anime not only has funny moments and cute moments, but also battles Toxic Masculinity at its very core.

This anime is fresh out of the woodwork, with only a few episodes out and releasing every week!

4: Nichijou!

If you like animes that are cute but also make almost no sense and can make you laugh at the absurdity of it all, this show is for you! Nichijou was my first real jump back into anime after my long 2-3 year hiatus. It's funny, features cute characters, and oh boy is there tons and tons of jokes ahead. This doesn't quite have too much of a plot going on, but it at least has a sense of coherency, as time progresses.

This is a rather short anime (in my opinion cause I binge watch) with about 20-30 episodes. It works more like a sitcom in many ways, but without the cheesy sitcom stigma, and ACTUAL humor in place of it.

Bonus: Gudetama!

Okay, so Gudetama isn't REALLY an anime perse, it's more of a series of shorts by Sanrio, but it's still super cute! Sanrio came out with a brand new character over the last couple of years, Gudetama. The lazy egg. He's cute and lazy and adorably lovable, and it's rather calming to watch after a long day in my opinion! He doesn't really have episodes but you can see all the shorts gathered together into one long video on youtube.

Thanks for reading, I think that's all for now! I'll add to this list as I discover new anime. Choco out!