#i want a hug from big moth jon

[clairebearsparkles]

Big Moth Jon, for your consideration

[guess-my-next-obsession]

The King and Queen of the North

Chapter Three: I Don't Want To Die

pairing: robb stark x fem!reader

warnings: normal GOT stuff, mature language, angst

words: 1,262

"Your grace, I--who's this?" Lord Jon Umber growled as he watched you walk into the strategy tent alongside Robb. Robb glanced down at you as we walked to the head of the table, giving your hand a squeeze.

"Lady Y/N Stonehouse of Winterfell." Lady Catelyn entered the tent and gave you a familiar smile, or her best version of a smile considering her current circumstance.

"Of Storms End, actually, your grace." You corrected politely as she walked to you, pulling you in for a hug.

"Oh yes, I forget you weren't born in Winterfell." She pulled away and studied you for a moment before continuing. "Robb wasn't born in Winterfell either. Did you know that?"

"No, I didn't." You turned to him and gave him a smile before looking at Lord Umber, his patience wearing thin.

"What's all this got to do with a war?" He shouted, slamming his fist on the table. You watched the wooden figurines placed on the map shake from the force, misplacing a few. Catelyn sighed and reached for the wolf figurine, setting it back to its proper place.

"Robb was born in Riverrun." Catelyn finished your conversation, glancing over at Lord Umber with a look of annoyance.

"You have the floor, Lord Umber." Robb gestured for the man to continue, watching as he bit his tongue.

"Your grace, our men are starving for a real battle. These little sieges won't amount to anything if we don't start talking about taking Kings Landing." Robb sighed and shook his head subtly enough for most to miss, but you didn't.

"I can't just take Kings Landing. If it were that easy, a thousand men would have done it by now." Robb leaned back in his chair, his hand stroking his beard as he thought about his options.

"There may be a thousand men who want to sit on that throne, but there is only one man who could rule properly." Catelyn offered her support for her son, reaching to grab his hand, giving it a squeeze.

"I don't want the Iron Throne." He confessed in a quiet voice, Lord Umber looking to Catelyn with worry. "I'll do my best to kill the Lannisters, but at the end of this war...I want nothing to do with King's Landing or the rest of the bloody country. My only concern is the North."

Robb stood up and looked at you, his big brown eyes making you melt like always. He sucked in a sharp breath before looking back to Umber.

"Where would you advise we go next?" Robb asked, his passion for the war igniting again as he thought about what--or whom--was at stake.

"We have to continue. Staying here will get us nowhere, your grace." He suggested, grabbing the wooden wolf pawn and moving it from its current place to The Eyrie. Robb furrowed his brows and looked to his mother.

"Do you think the Eyrie will join our cause?" He asked Lady Catelyn, watching as she sighed in deep thought. She shook her head and shrugged.

"There's no way of knowing now that my sister has lost her husband."

"Surely she will show loyalty to King Robb. She's your bloody sister, after all!" Lord Umber shouted, your eyes rolling at his seemingly constant loudness.

"My sister is not...she's a complicated woman. But I suppose if Robb and I ride to the Vale and manage to convince the Knights of the Vale that we're a cause worth fighting for, perhaps they would join our forces." Lady Catelyn looked at her son, but he was busy looking at you. "Robb, are you listening?"

"Yes, mother." He responded quickly, turning his gaze from your worried eyes to hers. "As long as my future queen accompanies."

"She is your prisoner, not your betrothed." Catelyn warned, shocking you. You never had any cause to believe she didn't approve of you, but it was clear as day how she felt about her son loving you. "Be rational."

"I am being rational. Have you forgotten what house Lady Y/N's mother belonged to?" Robb walked to you and held your face in his strong hand, smiling at you tenderly.

"Yes...your mother was a Waynwood, wasn't she?" Catelyn studied you, just a hint of guilt on her porcelain face. "Perhaps you could be helpful in creating a solid alliance."

"Perhaps." You gave her a sarcastic nod and smile, watching as her smile faded into a thin straight line.

"It's settled. We'll ride for the Vale at dawn. Lord Umber, ensure the men are ready for our return." Robb nodded at his bannerman and watched as he obeyed his command, disappearing into the camp.

You and Lady Catelyn stared at each other in tense silence, each of you attempting to stand your ground. Robb glanced between you, his sigh and eye roll apparently enough to make you stop your silent war.

"Mother, if you'd give us a moment." Catelyn reluctantly nodded and left the tent, both of you watching as she disappeared, leaving you all alone. Without another wasted moment, Robb swept you up into his arms, your hands gripping the fur of his cloak as he kissed you deeply. He always knew how to leave you breathless and dizzy, and you were beginning to think that this was only the beginning of the feeling. He pulled away from you and held your face with both of his hands, his forehead resting against yours. "My mother is only trying to protect me."

"Yes, but--"

"But keeping you from me isn't going to make me any stronger or wiser..." His words took you by surprise, your eyes going wide as you listened to his sweet confession. "I can only make the right decisions if I know you're safe. And the only place I can make sure of that is with you beside me."

"I'm scared." You breathed out, a tear slipping from your eyes. "I love you, my king."

"Don't be scared, my queen...I love you. So much more than you realize." He squeezed you as he spoke, his brows furrowing together as he tried to convey the weight of his words.

"I know...and that makes me the perfect target for all of your enemies." You looked away from his eyes, ashamed to be thinking of yourself in this moment rather than your newly professed love. Grabbing his hands from your face, you kissed them. "I love you, my king. But I don't want to die."

"No one is dying." He corrected as you walked away from him and out of the tent. You halted your steps as he followed you, not wanting his men to see him chasing you through the camp. "Y/N!"

"You saw the way your mother’s attitude shifted towards me the minute you called me your future queen. Imagine what the rest of the North will think when you've declared you're marrying a whore."

"Do not ever call yourself that." Robb commanded with a shaking head and voice, looking far weaker in front of his army than he hoped. "Come inside and we can talk about this, my queen--"

"I will go with you to the Vale to help you, but I will not be coming back with you. I'm sorry, my king...I love you, but I am not anyone's queen." You held his face in your hand and watched as his eyes welled with tears. Instead of allowing your heart to shatter into a million tiny pieces, you turned away from him and walked to your tent, this time not being followed by your King in the North.

[the-spidermania]

Being Rdj’s daughter and dating Tom Holland would include...

(Not mine credit to owner)

Pairing: Tom Holland x Downey!reader

Words: about 1,500

Warnigs: This is my first ever headcanon also english is not my first language so bare with me but other than that nothing unless you have a problem with fluff

Meeting at the Civil War set

Tom being pretty shy around you cause he’s had a crush on you since he was 13 or something

Becoming good friends because you’re both the youngest on set

Sebastian and Anthony teasing you guys

Robert acting like a full on dad and being very protective over you

Literally everyone secretly shipping you two

Being able to talk about everything together

Tbh the first time he met you he was a mess

He probably couldn’t get a single word out without stuttering

“H-hey Y/n I-I’m Holland- I mean I’m Tom. Tom Holland”

Him being the biggest dork ever

You smiling at him

“Nice to meat you Tom”

You literally being a female version of your dad

Then one day while you were having a movie night he would ask you out to have dinner

You accepting thinking he was cute all along

Tbh having your first kiss at new years eve at exactly midnight

I’m a dramatic queen okay i need this

Anyway

Being the most adorable couple ever

Freaking out about the silliest things ever like the new Star Wars trailer or something

Anthony and Sebastian still teasing you both

Probably having Sebastian as your best friend tho

Seb being also very protective

Him acting like you big brother tbh

Robert giving Tom ‘the talk’

“I swear to god Holland if you hurt her I’ll hurt you too”

“I would definitely never hurt her sir.”

Robert being the most awkward dad ever tbh

“Have you done it yet?”

“I really hope you’re using protection I don’t need litte Y/n’s and Tom’s running round here”

You blushing

“Dad!”

But also being the best dad ever

This is a fact.

Giving the best hugs

ALWAYS kissing your forehead

“I hope you know that I love you pumpkin.”

“Love you three thousand dad.”

This being a phrase you’ve said since you were little

Having a really good relationship to him

Back to Tom tho

Constantly trying to impress your dad

Because he wants to let him know that he is a good man

And that he can protect his daughter

You telling him there’s no need to do that but tbh he wouldn’t stop.

“Look, I think you’re a good kid Tom. I like you and you make my daughter happy. But just know that if anything happens I will always have her back and be on her side. You get that right?”

“Of course Sir.”

Him being a nervous wreck before he meets Susan

He bought flowers for her

Coming exactly on time

You opening the door wearing a summery dress

Kissing him

Hearing Robert caugh in the background

Susan being the sweetest

Accepting him to the family in an instant

Tom actually staying for a week

Being great with your little siblings

Babysitting them together so your dad and Susan can have a day off

Your actual big brother Indio coming home just to meet Tom

Him being very protective over you too

Telling him in private that Tom is literally the best thing that’s happened to you in a long time

Indio warming up to him

But not until he made his position clear

Which is basically the same as your dads

Coming down the stairs at a random afternoon just to find Tom and your brother playing video games in the living room.

Or coming home from shopping with Susan and finding the boys watching football or something

Finding it a bit weird at first

But being happy that Tom basically became a part of the family

Having your first big fight at your apartment which is in New York

You packing a bag and flying to your dad’s.

Telling him about everything that happened

Eating a lot of ice cream together

Probably Ben and Jerrys tbh

Him comforting you

Watching Back To The Future together cause it’s your favorite movie of all time

Literal silence between Tom and you for about three days.

You opening the door on a random afternoon and seing Tom on the other side with a bunch of roses

Him opening his moth to say something but you slam the door shut and run upstairs to your room

Hearing a knock on your door a couple minutes later

Saying ‘come in’ thinking it’s your dad

“Your Dad let me in..”

Him saying sorry in the cutest way imaginable.

Not being able to resist any longer and accepting his apology

Him gladly kissing you

Which would probably turn into a full on make out session on your bed

Robert interrupting

You two basically jumping apart

“I was coming to see if you’re okay but I guess you are. Watch it Holland.”

You probably breaking out into laughter and Tom blushing

Spending the day in bed together watching movies and ordering Chipotle

I love Chipotle okay I have a serious obsession haha

Back to the story

Flying back to your apartment after a few days of staying there

Him being pretty jealous of other men especially Kit Harington

Cause everytime you two watch Game of Thrones and there’s a shirtless Jon Snow scene

Or literally A N Y Jon Snow scene tbh

You’re always like

‘Fuck he’s hot’

‘Look at him omg’

‘I would so date him’

Tom clenching his jaw or something

You noticing this and pressing pause

“You know I only love you Tom, right?”

Him looking you straight in the eyes

“I know”

You play fully hitting him

“Don’t play Han Solo”

Him laughing and probably kissing you

You leaning against his chest and continue watching

You loving to teas him about his jealousy when it comes to Kit

You actually having the opportunity to meat him at a premiere and having a really interesting conversation

That is until of course Tom turns up

Kit, the gentleman he is, would obviously say hello and be really nice

Tom wrapping his arms around you

Kit having to do a interview

“It was nice talking to you y/n”

At this point Tom would be the most jealous person on this planet tbh

“You know he’s married right Tom? I don’t even like him in that way. I only love you can’t you get that in our stubborn head?”

“I know darling it’s just...”

“Just what?”

Tbh at this point you would be angry at him

“I’m nothing compared to him."

You automatically pulling him closer and putting you arms around his neck

“You’re everything to me Tom. I love you. Not Kit, not anybody else. Only you. It’s always you.”

Him smiling at you and constantly trying to not be jealous anymore

You showing him exactly how much you love him when you get home

Being the biggest nerds on the planet

Loving each other endlessly

You crying a whole week after infinity war

Him constantly telling you that it’s just Peter who died not him

Only crying more

Visiting your dad together and you starting to cry during dinner

Going into your room

Your dad asking what’s wrong

You telling him it’s because Peter and how much you hate Thanos

Him lightly laughing and pulling you into a hug

“Love you three thousand dad”

“I love you too pumpkin”

Everyone on this planet shipping you

Being the cutest couple ever

How did I do? I hope okay haha

Anyway, I’m going to build up a story to this. Always the same characters and stuff but different scenarios. Not in a particular order tho.

I’ve had this idea for a long time and I hope you enjoy.

Thank you for reading

[notconsolation]

(when you have the time) another hiking story?🌲

(I’ve had time I’ve just been a little shit about it)

I’m not quite sure what to write about because you’ve now heard the stories i have that lend themselves most to being told. the others are mainly… experiential things? BuT. I did put on the list ‘musings on christiana’ at one point so I’m gonna scour my journal for things I’ve put in there about our least favourite (FAVOURITE) cowboy.

THis is gonna be long. if you’re a casual follower and you don’t wanna hear me ramble about my friends for a while then ciao best leave now. good GOD i can’t believe I’m sharing this shit but isn’t that what my entire online presence is. OVERSHARING, GO:

I actually originally meant I’d just write my thoughts when we met to when we parted butttt then i got curious and wanted to see how far back the first time I mention them is. Turns out it’s Sunday, February 26th 2017. the excerpt from my journal reads as follows: 

Life moves along and I spill alongside it and can’t find my own shape. Nothing fits and nothing feels good. I keep making up these paths and systems to get better but. But. I made a tumblr though. It’s 14:30 and i have done nothing today except tumblr-stalk a new favourite writer. They’re just. Aghj (incomprehensible squiggle). Can’t.

Oh my god. If only I’d known then.

Then on Tuesday, April 25th:

I’ve been thinking about my intimacy issues. It’s honestly not very comprehensible. There are people i can pick out that i absolutely love. And not because I have to. Loving someone is so much easier than wanting anything consequences of that love. I love Alessia, I love Becca, I love Avia, I love Christiana… it’s just easier? than what? who knows. It’s got me wondering, though. See, it’s got me wondering about why I love someone like i love stars and duvets and balconies and it makes me want to cry because holy shit that would feel so nice. Who knows, my guy.

Saturday, May 6th:

christiana met edy yesterday and i want to know everything. it’s beautiful and this ship has exceptionally eloquent sails.

Tuesday, May 9th:

Looks like christiana and I will definitely be meeting and I’m…… nervous. I think they wanna come with me into the wild. wow? wowow i’m…?? I think they get me well enough to not make this awkward. Not sure why I am able to trust them to accept me when…. 

Sunday, May 21st:

I got a few skulls on ebay and sent them to C. They more or less know. But I like the concept anyway

Sunday, May 28th:

my heart went too fast for a while on mandy last night so i wrote to christiana and i think we roasted tyler a little until I felt good again. Then I cuddled with someone. Can’t remember who. God I’m tired. I’m not sure I slept.

July 9th:

I’m at the Russian Chapel up the valley. My ears are so bad that my teeth hurt now. I’m still considerably ill. But! still moving on. I really fucking needed to. lovely people but… food. And somehow too much of everything else, too. OF what? Who knows. I did let C know I’m not doing so great with food, though. I hope she won’t judge. They. I don’t think they will. so at least she’s aware. They’re aware. I feel like an idiot every time I get it wrong but. Ya know, it’s just a thing I never heard or said for the first 17 years of my life because it never came up. So in my head I often subconsciously do the ‘she’ thing. Edy is solidly ‘they’. Jon is always and without hesitation ‘he’. But sometimes it takes a few tries with other people. I have no idea why

July 14th:

I’m at the station listening to a podcast on Morgan Le Fay. I’m nervous now. What will we talk about?? Internet conversation is. easy. My ears are better. I don’t know what we’ll talk about. Shit. I’mm not good at this and i care about this? They’re the kind of person that I feel like I should’ve known forever. As in, i feel like this would be the kind of friendship that was good for both people and gives something that i needed. So. I shouldnt be worried then. But? Can’t help it. I mean maybe it could help that we’re both like this. we may be able to just sit… in…. silence. that. WASN’T intentional. god. aw shit I hate me when I’m like this. is this what it is to care if someone likes you when you meet them??! God, this is awful? Is this what people usually feel how awful. How cool. I think the train’s coming in. I’m barely paying attention to the podcast

July 15th:

I feel like I talk too much. it’s not the easiest it could be but it could definitely be harder? They’re quiet and sometimes it makes me feel like I’m yelling or saying too much and oversharing. Sometimes? uhhhhh all the time but I think that might be my default setting anyway

July 17th:

Didn’t get a chance to write yesterday but! it was as approximately lovely day. Just wanted to record that

(later)

walking with someone is strange. we’re at the place we’ll sleep at now. It was gentle going getting here and I guess it’s gonna take us very little time to get back. I buy coffee and they buy bus tickets. works out. walking with someone is strange but especially given the whole nature of this trip, it’s not too weird. I think because I never got to feel alone, I don’t mind sharing it. I think they’re having an okay time? I hope they don’t regret coming. So what if this whole trip has been… not the seclusion I wanted or needed. Meeting them was still great and I wouldn’t prefer a timeline where I called the trip off. I get that feeling that I have sometimes with Alessia, as if I’m trying to entertain or something? like a part of me wants to be stilted so I have a layer in between in case they turn around and say they don’t like me. I fear I’m telling them too many things. About me, about my thought process, about random things that pop into my head. About things I know or want to know or have picked up. I fear I’m disturbing some sacred silence. Especially because I prefer silence myself. And they’re patiently waiting for me to finish. I worry a lot considering what a good time I’ve had? We ate and laughed and talked. I am so fucking relieved that bipolar occurred to them when I described my brain cause I thought i was doing my insane self-diagnosing thing. We tried horse and i couldn’t tell the difference. We saw some Big Boy Moths and birds called tits. Vultures are unremittingly ugly but i like them? there’s a certain kinship. This isn’t how it usually goes and I wish I could say that without sounding whiny

July 18th:

All my compasses say the sun rose in the north east. Slept pretty well. the sunrise was gorgeous. C said it was more comfortable than expected. It was actually really comfortable. Listen, this will sound like something it’s not but future hannah will get what i mean but honestly their eyes are so beautiful? it didn’t come across in photos. uhh that’s all.

July 19th:

We found an open door in the compound. I think we slept on someone’s office floor. We left around sunrise and had multiple coffees by the river. played so ukulele. listen, this whole thing wasn’t normal but i’m so glad we fell into what we fell into. this feels safe. There were people outside going back and forth in front of the door all night and i dont think i really slept but it was still Good. We lit a candle that slowly started to smell nice. when we left, we left a single cigarette and a licorice cough drop as thanks to the old gods. either way, we parted quickly, just a quick hug and a vague notion that we might do this again? Good.

August 7th:

I just finished the cowboy fic and never has what essentially amounts to a giant meme of beautifulness touched me so.I swear. They’re ridiculous. The cowboys and Christiana.

jesus reading back through these made me happy but also made me cringe a bit because this is what my inner monologue sounds like around people i care about a lot of the time and i sound like such a whiny anxious asshole. uhh hope you enjoy. jesuz.

[margsld]

Outlander Epi 3.04 Recap

Of Lost Things you think quite a bit about.

Toni Graphia wrote this highly anticipated episode - it's the favourite thus far of the original author, Diana Gabaldon.  Again, this season is cramming a lot of details from the book and the additions and deletions are mostly good (don't get me started on Cheating Frank). It's bothering me a little that it jumps between times so often and making me OCD with my screencaps. Hold on tight. We are going on a bumpy ride.

Scotland 1968. Claire is still in Inverness hunting down her highland ginger biscuit like a Wight looking for Jon Snow.  Bree and Roger are using it as a chance to flirt at every opportunity *ah young love.... as finding your loved one’s secret loved one is like adopting a puppy together. It takes commitment.

Fiona is not letting Bree get in the way of her giving Roger a coronary and stops by the researchers, to nourish them with her baked goods.  We all want a Fiona Roger, you ungrateful oaf.

Claire pops up from the table shouting ‘Ginger Bingo’ (or is that 'Gingo'?) and shows them a list of Prisoner names from Ardsmuir. They are off again but it soon becomes a dead end.  They head to Edinburgh for a last laugh, take the time to stir up the locals with their outrageous womanhood etc & to look at some mouldy ship logs as prisoners were usually transported to the Colonies. They should have asked Jamie's Ardsmuir cell mate for help.

 It’s 1756 in Helwater, England. Jamie is living tough with a new name (Alex McKenzie) and with the Dunsaneys.  He’s sulking because they won’t let him grow his hair longer than his shoulders but that mop will not be ruled. Lord Dunsaney has a quick word on their arrival back from a holiday in Italy, Molto Benne! He knows who Big Red is and suggests keeping it from his wife.  I think it’s a ploy to keep the Hot Scot away from his wife for other reasons. *wink wink nudge

Roger has faked a broken down car just so he can see what other skills Bree has up her sleeve.  After some Scottish boy noises, Bree takes over the mechanic-ing and spots the trouble straight away.  Silly boy look, Rog. It was that sneaky distributor cap going all loose and now so was Roger’s feelings. Awwww. So romantic.

Geneva Dunsaney wakes and the devil says ‘Oh crap, she’s up’ as does half the Helwater staff. The stablehands draw short-straws to see which poor sod will be her ‘escort’ during her leisurely gallop in the woods.  Jamie cops abuse from her and dutifully bites his tongue.  Geneva’s exit is her sister Isobel’s cue to arrive just as Jamie is fantasising about kicking Geneva’s arse.  She’d like a ticket to that event and front row please.  Isobel is crushing on Jamie’s Chess buddy, Lord John Grey and naturally finds it appropriate to share this with Jamie.  She is only human. Jamie is a lady whisperer.

Claire gets a call from her surgeon buddy Joe Abernethy.  He’s sick of doing her workload and asks when she’ll be back in Boston instead of flunking around Scotland’s dusty Archives.  Claire isn’t sure but encourages Joe to operate on her fave patient as a treat.

Helwater, 1757.  The stablehands have all rallied and found Geneva a husband.  They party for days.  Mr Groom-to-be is that old that Geneva is stoicly trying not to vomit as he kisses her hand in farewell. They are to be married soon. Ick.

Geneva now has Jamie in her sights.  She's like a sailor looking for land after being at sea for 27 months.  She forces him to escort her on her daily horse ride and quickly puts the 'Bitch' in 'Bitch'.  Jamie trieds to stand his ground but dang, she looks like Claire, no? Plus, lady whisperer.....  Geneva is a brat and races her horse ahead, all the while laughing like a woman with a screw loose. Shortly after, Jamie hears her scream.  He finds her unconscience on the ground and goes to help.  He picks her up and she becomes animated again, laughing at her having tricked him.  Disgusted, Big, Grumpy Red promptly dumps her face first, into a big slushy mud puddle and we all cheer like it’s a Queensland win at State of Origin. Geneva is a bit nuts though and embraces her impromptu mud mask.  Chick logic. Life gives you lemons, you make a facial out of it, right, Ladies?

The handsomest redcoat in history, Lord John Grey, is visiting from London and we find them playing Chess in the Helwater gardens with Jamie.  Who knew chess was an outdoor sport? Lord John swells with pride that Jamie’s report card is in and it’s glowing.  Yayyy!  *high fives.  They are soon interrupted by Isobel, Hal (John's big bro), Hal’s ego and Geneva aka Mega Beyotch.  After introductions are made, it’s clear to Gen-baby that Hal knows Alex McKenzie and not just from his horsey-skills. She's a moth to the flame that one.  Of course it doesn't help when Alex aka Jamie aka can't this guy settle on one name, doesn't stop looking at his feet. Suspicious factor 50+.

Just a few days before the big nuptuals take place Geneva corners Alex and threatens to reveal his true identity to her mother, ensuring Jamie gets another stretch in HMS Ratfarm.  To keep his secret, she demands he takes her maiden-head so that Lord Crusty McEllesmere doesn’t have that privilege.  He tries to reason with her but she’s seen his backside in breeks and well Duh. 

Jamie’s sex class has attracted one eager student.  Professor Tight Breeks arrives and without hesitation performs Magic Mike’s striptease with the flair of a dead frog. That bum though is fiiiiiine!  He tries to turn her off the job at hand *cough by showing her his back scars but she’s impervious.  She’s seen that fuzzy butt peach for real and there is no letting this opportunity go.  He’s patient and she’s nervous and for the first time we see her vulnerable side and her nipples.  Jamie softens to her (no not that kind, he’s Scottish af) and starts to enjoy himself too.  Good class, sir. Good class. I reckon that's the best wedding gift she'll get.

Condoms didn’t exist in 1757 so when Geneva next visits Helwater about 7 months into her marriage, it’s very obvious that the father of her bulging waistline is Jamie.  He nearly has a conniption at the sight of her but keeps his cool because he’s Fraser. Jamie Fraser. Carry on, old chap.

Roger and Bree, kissing in a tree manse, K>I>S>S>I>N>G 

Bree & Roger are discussing giving up the search for Jamie.  Roger says feelings and so Bree grabs Professor Brown-Beard and smacks one on him. *Woot woot. He doesn’t want her to go back to Boston. #Broger

Nothings ever rosy for long in TV land and we find ourselves scurrying with Jamie to Ellesmere Estate.  There is some big emergency with Geneva.  She has gone into labour and all is not well. So of course a stable dude is just what she needs.  When they arrive, Lord Crusty McTightjocks has started chucking his toys out of the cot.  He has finally realised that Geneva was not a virgin when they married. Seriously? It took him a whole pregnancy to work out he’d forgotten to tap that?  *smacks forehead  Along with his toys, he threatens to kill the baby and Jamie arrives just in time to save the day by shooting Ellesmere, D.E.I.D.  Noone knows how the baby survived the fall to the floor because we all just cried as Jamie was seeing his son for the first time.  Awwww.  Blood gushing nearby, nope, don't see it.  Awwww, baby blinked at daddy.

The coroner found that Ellesmere died from severe arse-holeness and we all moved on.  Well, he really ruled it as misadventure, due to stress.  The stress of receiving a bullet at high speed probably. Just guessing.  Lady Dunsaney thinks Jamie is pretty HAWT now.  He saved her grandson and so he’s earned his ticket back to Sunny Scotland. Jamie chooses to stay though as he's wanting to see how this fathering business turns out.  He tells Mrs D that Scotland sux right now so he’s going to hang aboot in H-water for a bit longer, thanks.  PS>When’s payday?

Teaching your secret son to ride a horse like a boss is Jamie’s new hobby.  Wee Willie is starting to resemble his daddy though and even though he lacks the flaming red hair, it’s the cock of his head and the way he rolls his R’s that is starting to cause suspicion.  Even the neighbours are onto it.  Jamie realises it’s time to go before people put two and two together so Sayonara English bitches.

Lord John arrives at Helwater just as Jamie is about to leave.  Jamie asks him a favour; Would he look after Willie in his absence and in return LJG can have the use of his peachy playground.  When Lord John comes back down to earth from shock, he announces he’s to marry Isobel Dunsaney and raise Willie as his own anyway.  Jamie is pleased that all seems to be working out.  What's with the handshake here?  In the book it was a kiss and I wanted to see that. Tsk.Tsk. At least give the man a big hug....

Willie is distraught at Mac leaving and goes to visit him in his room.  PS. The security and supervision is terrible in this house, it’s a wonder anyone is alive.  He interrupts Jamie lighting Stinking Papist candles and wants to join his fire party.  Jamie explains he’s lighting them to remember all the people he’s missing or has lost, including his Wife.  He gives Wee Willie McCutey a hand-carved snake with his name on it to remember Mac by.  He wants to give Mac something in return so he'll remember Willie too but *sob Big Red will never forget *sob him *sob.

Things get a bit blurry here and tear ducts need to recover.  When it comes to saying goodbye we parallel bounce between times.Bree and Claire are also giving up the search and heading home to Boston while Jamie is leaving Helwater for Lallybroch.  Pause.  Just pause here.  Can't we have two more episodes with wee Willie?  No?  *grunts 

 Can we just have one happy ending ffs?  Is it Monday yet?

The End.

[itsworn]

Cackling Nitro Cars Hit Escondido, Barona, and Bakersfield!

Cackle cars coat the eyes, ears, noses, and throats with liquid horsepower.

Nobody is ambivalent about nitromethane. Upon initial exposure to an idling fuel motor, bystanders either sprint away from the sudden assault on eyes, ears, noses, and throats or rush like moths toward the rumble and smell spewing from flaming weedburners and zoomies. Thanks to a curious, noncompetitive activity called cackling, clouds of the stuff are hanging over more places than at any time since drag racing’s golden age a half-century ago—no dragstrip necessary. While supertracks are pricing too many young, impressionable prospects out of the national events that hooked their fathers and granddads, cackling brings tears of joy to the masses at nostalgia meets, neighborhood car shows, and even the SEMA Show. Admission ranges from cheap to free. Even small people can get right up close. Accessibility and proximity depend on how long one can hold one’s breath. (Gas masks are cheating.)

Nitroholics never get enough of the magic juice, though some addicts were seriously tested three times last fall in California. HOT ROD witnessed fuel cars rolling through downtown Escondido one night, push-started on Barona Drag Strip the next day, then cackling and racing at Famoso Raceway three weeks later. Though only one event involved actual competition, this much pop hadn’t gone up in flames in a single month since three rival organizations staged the United Drag Racers Association “Winner” Nationals, American Hot Rod Association Winter (two words) Nationals, and NHRA Winternationals on successive weekends in the mid-1960s. Many of the same drivers, car owners, engine builders, and a legendary announcer who made those Lions, Bee-Line, and Pomona meets so memorable were back on the scene, acting more like rowdy kids than septuagenarians and octogenarians.

This was especially evident at Barona, whose small crowd was top-heavy with heroes. At times, there were more autograph-signers in tents than fans in the ’stands (e.g., grand marshal Bruce Crower, Gary Beck, Jim Brissette, Gary Densham, Larry Dixon Sr., Mendy Fry, Marvin Graham, Red Greth, Rich Guasco, Tom Jobe, Tommy Ivo, Roland Leong, Don Long, Dode Martin, Ed McCulloch, Tom McEwen, Bob Muravez/Floyd Lippencott Jr., Bill Shrewsberry, Joe Schubeck, and Richard Tharp). Retiring announcer Jon “Thunder Lungs” Lundberg, 80, picked the Escondido-Barona double feature as his swan song and miraculously worked night and day without once losing the “Voice of Drag Racing.”

The oldest and youngest of the events were connected by much more than old heroes, old race cars, and old-fashioned loads of 98-percent pop. The newcomer, Steve Gibbs’ inaugural Nitro Revival, owed its existence to the controversial 25th edition that saw him resign his familiar official’s role as the 2016 event opened rather than be forced to enforce the cackling restrictions suddenly ordered by organization headquarters. Shortly thereafter, NHRA’s longtime competition director ended a 48-year relationship by rejecting a consultation contract that “was almost an agreement to stay out of the way,” Gibbs told HRM. “The reunion had become increasingly under the control and operation of the mothership. That all led to what happened in 2016. People came out of there mad, so Ron Johnson and I decided to do something else. Some guys made the choice to go to one, and not the other. A few did both. I didn’t strong-arm anybody.

“You know, the first Cacklefest was an afterthought,” Gibbs continued. “It wasn’t on the 2000 schedule. Greg and I could come up with different things. Everything didn’t have to have the blessing of the mothership. We told the guys that we’d try it if we had time. We pushed off eight cars that Saturday night. It touched a nerve. People started looking for their old cars or building new ones just to cackle. Since then, almost 250 different cars have push-started at some meet or show. Greg and I created a set of rules for them, requiring protective apparel, keeping things reasonable, and fun. I understand NHRA’s concerns, but I think it got to the point where if something might happen, you can’t do it. There’s always an element of risk, and if you can’t try to manage that, then you’re in the wrong business. You don’t want anything to go wrong, but at the same time, it’s motorsports.”

Again this year, Escondido’s Nitro Night and Barona’s Nitro Revival will run back to back on September 28–29, 2018, followed three weeks later by NHRA’s October 19–21 California Hot Rod Reunion. “The reunion was the center of the universe for this group of people for quite a while,” said the guy largely responsible for it. “Now, I’m not sure where that center is, but there needs to be one.”

One thing is for sure: Nostalgia drag racing and the cackle cars it spawned are giving nitroholics everywhere a second golden age of eye, ear, nose, and throat irritation, with no end in sight through that low-hanging, sweet-smelling cloud.

Unlike Civil War reenactors or Renaissance Fair goers, authentic hardware is operated by many of the very same drivers, tuners, and crewpersons who used it in the 1950s and especially the 1960s. Not many 81-year-olds are fit enough to wiggle into—and out of, with some help—a slingshot’s confines, but “TV” Tommy Ivo leaps at opportunities to whack the throttle of Ron Johnson’s reproduction “Barnstormer.” The long-lost original was among fewer than a dozen slingshots built by Rod Pepmuller at the short-lived Ivo Chassis Company.

All kinds of wheeled contraptions come together on Escondido’s Grand Avenue, in turn attracting kids of all ages to a welcoming downtown.

The quantity, quality, and variety of area cruisers far exceed a first-timer’s expectations. Beyond the split-window and Hertz Shelby is Grand Avenue, along which spectators were setting up chairs before noon.

As the supply of surviving slingshots dried up and prices shot up, Ron Johnson—onetime Minnesota Dragways publicist, action photographer, and partner in the Big Wheel fueler—made cloning acceptable by faithfully reincarnating not one, not two, but three of his all-time-favorite 1960s slingshots. Behind the scenes, he’s been instrumental in bringing cackle cars to Escondido and, for the first time this year, to Barona Drag Strip a day later. He was also a two-time cancer victim and one tough hombre, checking out of hospice long enough to enjoy both events. Ten days after hugging Gloria (Mrs. Steve) Gibbs on Grand Avenue, Johnson passed away at home.

Reproducing a particular, personal-favorite car is so commonplace that two clones now exist of the same Surfers’ slingshot, albeit in early versus late iterations. In the course of acquiring period-correct parts to recreate the earliest version, builder Bob Higginson and sole-surviving Surfer Tom Jobe unknowingly obtained what Hilborn identified as the company’s first four-port injector. Jobe reproduced the distinctive scoop. Beyond, sit Ron Johnson’s clones of the Schubert & Herbert Chevy fueler and Ivo’s Barnstormer.

Ironically, the king of making flames for fun is a retired fireman. Bill Pitts (left) decided to make a 392 Chrysler functional to liven up the MagiCar’s static display at early California Hot Rod Reunions. Event directors Steve Gibbs and Greg Sharp invited Pitts to idle the car in the background while announcers read the names of racers and friends who died in the past 12 months. More owners built motors and, boys being boys, lobbied to put their high-gear drivelines to use. Thus did an unscheduled, one-time exhibition accidentally invent the now-trademarked Cacklefest.

Even from behind a restaurant’s glass storefront, side-by-side fuel motors will rattle eardrums. Sarah Beaubara loves her hometown’s annual Nitro Night, but the twins seem undecided.

History’s hottest traditional hot rods are invited to play in the street with dragsters once each year. The Sacramento-based Burkholder brothers hung onto and revived a Chrysler-powered Fiat remembered as one of the north state’s fastest AA/Fuel Altereds.

Canadian Wendy Williams hauled her late father’s famous Top Gasser the length of the West Coast in his original, canvas-topped trailer. Amazingly, the 392 is the same bullet last run by Jack Williams. In the distance are the tower and concession stand. Named for the Barona Band of Mission Indians that owns the reservation property outside Lakeside (San Diego County), eighth-mile Barona Drag Strip was carved out of surrounding hills in layers.

Steve Gibbs, ex-NHRA racemaster turned independent cacklemaster, directed the first commercial gathering of real drag cars at a real dragstrip where no real drag racing occurred. He foresees a profitable future for the Nitro Revival concept here, and possibly at interested venues elsewhere.

With entrants not only allowed but encouraged to push-start or light off fuel motors at will, there wasn’t much quiet time for catching up with old pals. Rich Guasco (left) and Tom McEwen have been shouting over blown fuel motors for six decades.

The newly formed Cacklecar Owners Alliance came up with a new/old twist for Barona’s grand finale, recreating the side-by-side, on-track push-downs that heightened the drama of match-race duels between Chris Karamesines and Tommy Ivo.

As Ron Johnson looked on from the golf cart beside daughter Connie, son Kol Johnson and friend Mark McCormick pulled Ron’s two hobby cars to the line for a side-by-side exhibition launch that closed the single-day Barona program to applause.

Three weeks later at the California Hot Rod Reunion in Bako, on-track practice was offered for drivers of cackle cars and push vehicles, some of whom had never met their respective match. The customized F-100 has just fired the Syndicate Scuderia gas dragster with Wendy Williams aboard.

Unlike either of the single-day, noncompetitive San Diego County shows three weeks prior, Bakersfield’s reunion delivered three full days of for-real fuel racing. Adam Sorokin in the mouse-motored Champion Speed Shop streamliner dropped a close semifinal match to eventual runner-up Jim Murphy, the newly crowned NHRA Hot Rod Heritage Series points champ.

John Hertzig’s Fiat-bodied AA/Fuel Altered demonstrated why a class that NHRA dropped four decades ago not only survives but thrives. By the time photographer Dave Kommel turned to shoot his first downtrack frame, the front tire was already smoking from abuse. Rookie pilot Kurt Cruise somehow kept the shiny side up by repeatedly whacking the throttle—until the right-front wheel and suspension mercifully snapped off, angling the “Awful-Awful” into the right-side wall and a long, grinding halt.

The look on little Crew Young’s mug suggests that nitromethane flows through the veins of father and son. Daddy Jim Young came from Wisconsin to defeat the world’s best modern slingshots and set Top Speed for the breed at 261.78.

Nostalgia Funny Cars ain’t what they used to be just a few short years ago, but there are still a lot of them. More than 30 shooting for 16 spots included Brad Thompson’s swoopy, droopy 1969 Camaro facsimile, which fell in round 2. Photographer Dave Kommel had a clear shot of the front end until the driver’s fiancée, Jana Treur, got in the way, dang it.

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[clairebearsparkles]

More Moth Jon, the love of my life