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#i want a relationship like them someday!
zairene · 4 months
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i feel like this is not necessarily a hot take more like a mild one but honestly katara & aang will never do it for me like zutara does
this is one of the only times enemies to lovers has ever worked for me
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feroluce · 2 months
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Lucid Dreamer (2/2)
part 1
Gepard stalls almost a week before he finally goes out to the safehouse, and it takes him a couple days to find it because Sampo didn't have the time left to be wasn't super specific about the location. But he does find it.
It's pretty bare bones, really. Gepard knows that was probably to be expected, but… It feels crushing, when he realizes there are so few personal things here. It's nothing specific to Sampo. Just some food, some medical supplies. A cot and a heater and a lot of mismatched blankets. Nothing to remember someone by.
But he does find the letters, in a metal box stashed away under the bed.
There are two for him. Three for Natasha, and two for Seele. One for Hook, one for Serval, one for Pela, one for Bronya.
Bronya's is mostly business. They knew each other from the whole Stellaron incident, but not much beyond that, and the incoming catastrophe is a more pressing matter. Seele's is actually two copies of the same letter, and Gepard realizes why when Seele is so angry she rips the first one up without reading it. He gives her the copy a couple days later, and she slinks off without a word.
Pela seems completely normal after hers is delivered, but Gepard knows better than to trust that. The next day, he finds her asleep in bed with Serval, bottles abandoned on the floor, both their eye makeup smeared and running and Pela's glasses horribly smudged and crooked on her face. Serval doesn't read hers in front of him, but she's clingy with Gepard, Pela, and Lynx for quite a while after. She throws herself into her work a lot. She insists the heater from the safehouse is busted and she needs to keep it. It's too dangerous for use by someone who's not an engineer. Might burn their house down or something. Gepard doesn't argue.
Hook's letter is short, with easy to read words. The rest of it is actually a treasure map, and she and the moles spend the next several days running through the Underground, finding hidden candy and toys. Hook asks them when Sampo is coming back, because one of the marbles she found from his map looks green, just like his eyes, and she wants to give it to him. Natasha shoos Gepard out of the clinic before he can even begin to think of an answer.
Natasha refuses to let him see what's in her letters, which ok, fine, he'll respect that. He hears from Bronya who heard from Seele who heard from Natasha herself though that one of the letters was a map and the other a catalogue, with all of Sampo's hidden "warehouses." Gepard promptly marches himself back out to the frontlines, where he can turn a blind eye. If a ton of stolen goods suddenly enters the black market, and if the orphanage and the clinic suddenly have new supplies, well, technically that's none of his business.
Gepard goes to bed, curls up under mismatched blankets and closes his eyes.
He doesn't dream.
One of Gepard's letters was also business, like Bronya's and Natasha's. He and Bronya follow everything meticulously, down to the letter, because there has to be some good to get out of all this, there has to be. Gepard can't let it all be for nothing, it would bury him.
And so the catastrophe passes. Not without casualties, and not without a lot of damage and destruction. But Belobog survives.
And after that, time just kind of…goes on. Gepard has been a part of the Silvermanes since he was old enough to enlist. The Fragmentum had gotten so much worse in the years before Welt sealed the Stellaron. He knows the statistics, it is literally his and Pela's jobs to keep track. He knows when he sees a face everyday in the camps and then it's suddenly gone. He's not unfamiliar with things like grief and loss.
He still catches himself checking the trashcans and the supply crates and soldiers' footprints sometimes, though.
But there comes a night where Gepard goes to bed, holding the mismatched blankets to his face, and he dreams. And it's strange, it's off, it sticks with him. Sampo doesn't look the same. He's thinner. His muscles have atrophied. He looks like how Gepard has seen soldiers after months in the hospital.
The most unsettling difference is there's a scar across the left side of his head, Gepard can see it over his ear, peeking out past his hairline, carving towards his cheek. Sampo is always careful about his face. Gepard once saw him dodge a Fragmentum monster and literally let it cut across his neck just to keep his face clear. He wouldn't let that happen for nothing.
Their actions in the dream itself aren't new. Sampo seems tired, run down and worn out, but he announces his presence with aplomb by lobbing a bunch of smoke bombs off the rooftops and sending his soldiers scrambling. Same shit, different day.
The new part is what he says when Gepard chases him out to the edges of the camp, tackles him into the snow. Gepard pins him to the frozen ground to detain him and Sampo doesn't even fight it, just looks up at him like he's seeing sunrise for the first time in months.
"I'll be home in one week."
#sampard#gepo#hsr gepard#hsr sampo#gepard landau#sampo koski#hsr natasha#pelageya sergeyevna#serval landau#bronya rand#hsr seele#hsr hook#honkai star rail#my fics#lucid dreamer#I was initially just going to let Sampo stay dead because I love that kind of thing#but I ended up liking this ending so I guess I'll let it stay haha#I love thinking about Sampo's relationships with the rest of the cast and their reactions to all this#he was a founding member of Mechanical Fever. he still plays shows with Pela and Serval.#Pela is constantly giving him second chances like in the museum event and letting him volunteer with the Silvermanes.#And Serval could say SO much about him but all she says is 'hah that guy' and mentions Gepard is going to catch him someday.#I need the three of them to be a weird trio of buddies fdksaljfdkl#Sampo is seen with Seele plenty and he's with Natasha so much that Hook literally thought he was horribly ill for a long time.#I love them having some kind of odd comraderie#and oh my god I am the biggest Hook & Sampo stan ever they're so so cute and sweet and precious and WAH#so I think Sampo would want to be prepared for just in case he didn't make it back. that he would have a contingency plan for everything.#and he would miss these people and this city enough to show up in their dreams one last time.#but I'd like to think he saved Gepard for last#and it is not just because he has a crush or any kind of romantic feelings for him. There's more to it than that.#(If I'm being super honest I don't even really ship them with romance involved. I have a hard time picturing them like that.)
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docholligay · 3 days
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I may end having to watch Interview With The Vampire against my will and better judgement, because I just love mess, and BOY does it seem like it's just about messy, toxic, shitty gays, which is the representation i crave
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gilgil-machine · 5 months
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I wish some people never had access to internet at all...
TW assault, TW r*pe
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hermitw · 8 days
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I used to get nightmares every time I went to sleep so I learned to train myself to dream about jujutsu kaisen every time (and then if I did have nightmares they were about Toji but I could protect myself with a printout of Kakashi lmao)
And I fucking miss those days like. When I read the manga in a week then I did have dreams where missing scenes were added and I thought they were real and I had to read my own dreams which would make me wake up and they were bright white and colorless but still it was cool I'm just sad that kenjaku riding the manta ray doesn't exist as a manga panel (I looked so hard! I remember thinking about the angles gege chose to draw from and it just. Isn't there?? I wanted that shit as a tattoo smh)
If I can get back into writing fics until I fall asleep then maybe it'll happen again but alsoooo
I should have kept a journal of just jujutsu kaisen dreams bc that would be fun to read like
Ohhhh I just realized I can write this one into my Choso centric fic HELL YEAH OH MY GOD he had a new type of blood manipulation and protected me from Mahito in this scary old haunted basement that looked like it had tunnels to a catholic church or something it was so horror movie and vibes kqksxhajalajdodjr
Anyway I just want to go back and read my dumbass jjk dreams ;-; au where I am an organized bitch pls
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daisyachain · 1 year
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there’s one version of an f/m/m triangle that crops up so often I’m surprised there isn’t at least a tvtropes/vernacular name for it. Miyokichi/Kiku/Shin. Molly/Fitz/Fool. Asuka/Shinji/Kaworu. Futaba/Taichi/Touma. not-really-but-you-could-shove-it-in-here Luthien/Beren/Finrod. Utena/Touga/Saionji is a twisted spun-on-its-head version of it. Specifically comprising:
masculine male character A: either is the protagonist or a character on to which male viewers can project.
female character B: a secondary character and A’s official love interest, often kept apart from A by story/circumstance/gender roles. Shows some resentment of the trials she’s put through by the story in being A’s lover such as being shoved to the side, cut out of his life, or put in danger.
less masculine male character C: another major character, A’s devoted sidekick, feminine and/or conspicuously cold toward women or sexuality, somewhat ill-used by A but not resentful about it, as a contrast to B.
The dynamic is used pretty equally by female and male creators, though probably with different purposes. Outside the story, there’s a clear explanation for how the roles are divided: men are main, women are peripheral. Obviously the female love interest has to be on the margins of the story. Obviously the male main character has to have an ally in-story who can bounce dialogue back. Any human person has to have a best friend (for men, has to be male) and a lover (for men, has to be female). The major character male bestie and the minor character female gf is the minimum character dynamic you need to sustain the main character as a believable construction.
Except within the story, the dynamic begs far too many questions. On B’s part: her other half and love interest uses her for sex once every few chapters and dumps her to go off on another plot-relevant adventure. She’s kept in the dark, talked down to, pushed away, and distrusted. Her place at her sweetie’s side is occupied by Some Dude and no matter how much she puts into their relationship, she’s always going to be a prize for after the mission. Why does she stay with him? What could possibly attract her about this bestubbled grunt machine whose passion for the sword outmatches anything she’s given him?
On C’s part: he gets used as an emotional support crutch, designed to service his best friend’s every need at the expense of his own goals or story. He’s a housewife, he’s a domestic, he does every thankless story task with a smile because he has to provide the exposition/set up the plot/set the plan in action that carries the main male character to victory. He doesn’t have a love interest of his own, meanwhile the most important person in his life is obsessed with a woman he barely speaks to. Why should he care so much about someone who only takes? Why is he committed to this one-way friendship? What does he think of taking the backseat, providing support, submerging his own will for the sake of a person instead of an ideology?
On A’s part: if he’s a red-blooded heterosexual male character who pursues a woman as is acceptable, why does he dig himself so deep in with his designated ally? Through dialogue and because he has to in order to show the audience, he exposes his heart and soul to C and keeps him in his pocket for as long as we are watching, so why then does he cast him aside so easily? He invests the most time and energy into his relationship with C, cultivating love and loyalty there, but he draws the line so firmly in the sand that the audience is sure he’ll never, ever step aside for one minute to follow the friend. Why does he choose a man for his emotional battery? Why doesn’t he communicate with his supposed partner? Why does he choose to use B and C for sex and solace respectively, and why don’t they ever mix?
The gender dynamics wrap around to simple: women aren’t up to being equal partners to a cool guy, so you need a male wife to do everything for you and appreciate the protagonist’s sick abilities. romance with a man is perverse and impossible, so you need a female love interest to prove that the protagonist isn’t gay and fulfil the audience’s needs. But in-between all of that you could ask some interesting questions of the spoke character, A, the male protagonist whose actions are taken as normal. the question being: bro. what’s wrong with you
#kelsey rambles#aaaaaand the only thing that satisfactorily calls the A-character on his mistreatment is the podcast CARAVAN. which is not good#actually i'd go as far as to say it's bad#rgu goes into it a little but it's nowhere near the main focus of the series#using asuka-shinji-kaworu as the example that just sucks so bad#shinji's treatment of asuka is so horrible and misogynistic and despite her screentime. in shinji's mind she's never more than peripheral#and gets dumped at the last second and turned into a corpse. she's an object of desire and he refuses to recognize the ways they're the same#on the other hand shinji loves and idolizes kaworu.....only in as far as kaworu is his own dream guy who gives him everything he wants#and never makes even the slightest hint of a glimmer of expectation of anything from shinji in return#the moment kaworu's desires become explicit--he's not only killed but erased from the story altogether#eva rebuild 4.0 does this in the most insulting way possible by farming him off with....rei?#not to try and take eva rebuild seriously but the way it expands on kaworu and sidelines asuka is somehow insulting to both of them#even moreso than the original series was. which is saying something#someday i have to read the eva manga because i hear it takes kaworu in a more problematic direction that is still a direction and so better#or as for SGRS--shin is far more loving and devoted to kiku than he is to any woman and takes a killing blow for him#he watches him in life and guides him through the underworld. he gives more to kiku than he gives to anyone.#yet as a character any possibility of like-liking kiku is denied. what's the damage there?#how does it make story sense? why does kiku have a more serious relationship with a woman than the ostensibly straight shin?#the answer is The Misogyny but even then it's jarring to have shin's plain love be obfuscated with the constant references to being straight#as opposed to kiku. who actually has girlfriends and not one-night stands#it's nonsensical to read shin as a straight man and yet any possibility of him returning kiku's feelings is barred off blacked out redacted#leaving us with a dog's breakfast of a dynamic that IS fun. because in this case it's intentionally bad. and the author is winking at us
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k20spock · 1 month
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how am I going to survive living here for three months I hate it
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💫 or ⚡️ for Starry Dee?
💫 (Shooting Star) - If they were to wish on a clockwork star, like Galactic Nova or Star Dream, what would they wish for?
ooh okay so!! for Starry Dee, actually getting a wish would be very secondary to getting to meet THE Galactic Nova! he would probably end up just squealing for a while, or climbing all over it if possible (he's president of the nova fanclub back on dreamland), but eventually he'd ask to be able to live here forever for as long as he wanted to stay, closer to the stars then he's ever been before and next to his idol. I'm one of the people that headcanons Nova as actually having some amount of personality/emotions that people just... Never see, since they never care to look. Starry would go off exploring sometimes, but they always come back to Nova, and in time it warms up to them. I can imagine the two becoming something like friends, eventually.
and if the next person to come ask for a wish notices a little dee perched on the clockwork star, they know better than to question why.
⚡️ (Lightning Bolt) - Which Power Effects [Blizzard, Bluster, Sizzle, Splash, Zap] would their attacks grant? Do they have any particular weaknesses or resistances, elemental or otherwise?
Zap! He's not the best fighter, but if he had to he could maybe use basic electrical attacks (he calls it star power) or lash out with his tail!
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guinevereslancelot · 4 months
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i am unknowable and incapable of love goodnight <3
#romantic love i mean#against my will tho bc i want love so bad#but tbh i never feel anything more than awkward when i date 😬#i only feel comfortable with people when there's no romantic pressure idk#would genuinely love to build a platonic life with someone why do i have to be in love to marry someone and have a family w them 😭#love is real im just never going to experience it btw#but i still would like companionship and i really want kids tbh#i dont want to settle for not love in a relationship where thats expected or wanted and the other person loves me#but if it was an entirely platonic no pressure relationship that would be nice#maybe that would grow into love but the pressure of romance right off the bat kills the romance#in need to be close friends for like a decade first#sorry sorry im rambling insane thoughts its 11:30 and i just decided to break up with someone#and he's staying at my home so im even more painfully aware of having another person so deeply involved in my life that they become family#sorry you're not family i dont know anyone but my family well enough to let them be family and i never will please get out of my house#i make no sense but basically i love my family and want kids of my own but i dont want romance in there just platonic family love#romantic love is too hard to find and scary and weird i basically want to live with my actual family and adopt some kids someday sorry#this might change if i met the right person but i would need to be friends with them for a long time with no pressure first#and looking for that person is too forced and weird#anyway#its 11:30 in my 20s a week before valentine's day so naturally i am going insane that's all goodnight
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@allvalley100
Prompt: Gratitude
Friendship: Yasmine & Demetri
***
Yasmine untangles herself from Demetri as soon as her mom’s footsteps leave the room. The front door shuts and she exhales.
“Fucking finally.”
“Do we have to keep insistently demonstrating you’re ‘straight?’” Her pretend-boyfriend gives her a cheeky set of air quotes as he says it.
“Uh, yes? Have you met my mom?”
Demetri frowns, and she gives his chest a reassuring pat.
“Thanks for covering for me, by the way. Don’t need…this whole thing getting out.”
“Likewise.” He smiles weakly. “Now. Which painfully heterosexual Christmas romcoms shall we roast all evening?”
“The Princess Switch.” Yasmine cackles. “All of them.”
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munamania · 7 months
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something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.
#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love#what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it#why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties#of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often#so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk#and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore#i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them#. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec#but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd#but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE.#OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL.#and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness#but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart.#this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it#that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too#and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch#now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it.#because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do#something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope#and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude#this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post#ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting#all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever
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mulderscully · 2 years
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i am not a gillovny truther and i would square up with david any day of the week but i would be lying if i said my heart doesn't do something in my chest when i think about david and gillian's relationship. whatever the hell it is
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having Big Feelings in the tags. you neednt read them, but you should go drink water and stretch your eyes
#makin one of those posts thats all tags bc i need to just do emotions for a sec#98% of the time i fuckin love being aroace. i like how i exist in the world and our flags fucking baller#but wooo boy that 2% of the time (my current state)#nothin makes you stare into space despondently while crying silently like knowing therenothing *wrong* w you per se#but there something fundamental to your existence that means your emotional needs will very likely never be met the way you need them to be#my roommate whom i love with my whole entire soul has their partner over whom i also love with my whole entire soul#and its making me so agonizingly jealous bc i want what they have so badly it actually literaly fucking aches in my chest#i want the banter and the cuddling and the intimacy and the love. the goodnight phonecalls and the undeniable proof that i am loved just#as much as i love and that i am a peiority in someone else's life to the same degree that i prioritize them#but i know i dont get to have that because i cant do it the way almost anybody wants#i want to fall asleep next to someone but i dont want to date. i wont do it. it makes me so uncomfortable#but without performing romance theres almsot no chance ill get to have that kind of deeply intertwined life#and like. i love my friends dearly and deeply. i vall them the loves of my life bc they are#but even those relationships wont get to be like what i want so bad. they all have or want romance and i know how that works#it doesnt matter that they love me too because when you have a partner thats the priority. i get it. its fine.#i dont mind stepping back from my friends to give them room to build the lives they want.#i jusy want somone to want to build a life with *me*#dont mind me in just tired and sad and experiencing the agonies of being 22#theres a part of me that looks at all this and just says 'maybe someday' but ive been living off nothing bu 'someday' most of my life#and im dead fucking tired of it#idk man maybe im just mentally ill and have mommy issues who knows#anyway im going to bed now#if you know me irl and you read all this 1)this is NOT meant to imply youre doing something wrong. not your fault amatonormativity is this#2) ill be fine i just need to sleep and 3) i love you more than i know how to say and i always will no matter what shape our lives take
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malakhim · 6 months
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talking to friend about how i will probably be single forever
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pepprs · 1 year
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having some time alone in the hotel this week (which is abt to end bc we’re moving back home tmrrw even though the renovation isn’t finished 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪) and being able to have the bedroom to myself has made me think rebellious thoughts my family would be very offended over. like maybe i listened to less and less music these last few years due in part to the fact that ive spentmore time at home than i used to and i also lived on campus w roommates in a very uncomfortable arrangement and im unable to move freely about the cabin when im living w other ppl whose needs don’t align w mine and so ive just gotten used to not having all of my needs met and always being the person to take the short end of the stick…. but i actually need to be able to sing and dance and draw and do whatever and when im alone (which is almost never) im able to do that and that’s actually legit and as important as anyone else’s needs in a space i share w them. idk if i worded that well but yeah
#like yes it’s definitely that ive been depressed… but maybe that dynamic creates the depression. you know?#purrs#delete later#not to say this bc it’s BLASPHEMOUS but i was also thinking abt this in the context of my bday. i was happiest in the moments where i was ei#either alone (dancing / singing / whatever and doing karaoke w mtself at 2am LOLLLL and just enjoying having peace and quiet and being able#to do what i wanted) or at work (around ppl i choose to be with in a place i choose to be in). any time i was around my family i was#agitated and annoyed and maybe some of it has to do w the renovation and the fact that we were at home for like 4 hrs moving furniture bc of#the renovation but also… maybe it’s just i don’t enjoy spending ng time w them as much as i do other things. like passively spending time at#around them bc there’s ALWAYS noise or conversation or bickering or whatever. and also in part bc i share my bday w my twin sister so its#not actually *my* day it’s ours and we’re lumped together and treated as a unit and my parents have expectations abt that and whatever. idk.#i don’t want to be / sound selfish or ungrateful for my family or whatever bc being a twin has its perks and my family situation could be so#much worse and it’s not like i had a horrible birthday or it wasn’t acknowledged or whatever. but my point is… what if… there will come a#point in my life… where the majority of things i do / people im around / aspects of my environment are things i get to choose or at the very#least have a say in. what if someday my birthday can just be my birthday and not OUR birthday(which again is the evilest most horrible thing#i have ever said in my life i know i know i know but ummmmm being a twin has dealt some significant psychological damage to me and i am#still figuring out how to be an independent person and how to determine who i am outside of the context of that relationship which most ppl#at this age / stage in life have already had years to do). idk what i was saying i lost the thread but basically: i love having alone time#where i am truly alone and i get to sing and dance and make music and eat and whatever without being yelled at or having to be quiet or#getting overstimulated. and that is not to say that i do not appreciate company or would not want to live with other people. i think im#actually kind of an ambivert now where i used to be very extroverted. but i think my biggest thing is choice. i value choice so so so much.#which is ironic in some ways bc here i am not wanting to like mess up the original layout of my acnh island… idk. it’s situational but i thi#think w the big stuff choicemeans so much to me. and i wish that was more okay to my family than it is bc asserting myself and growing into#my independence has been and will continue to be an extremely painful and unpleasant process bc no one is happy w it lol. ok ive been talkin#talking A LOT more than i thought i would and i still have more thoughts but i need to stop and keep packing out the hotel lol. bye#‘being a twin has its perks’ sounds so terrible omg. i meant that like.. it is a gift to be a twin and i love my sister. AND there are parts#of it that fucking suck ass and hopefully those parts will recede once we are living separate lives and have gotten distance from dynamics
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chaoticwhoknows · 11 months
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sometimes i think about that “married a footballer” dialogue between shandy and keeley in s3 and want to shake the shoulders of whoever wrote it. not in a mean way i just need to understand that line bc i just… don’t. What Was The Point
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