#i want folks to be able to read things even if i get deleted again

[moku-youbi]

Entitled AO3 Commenters

Fam, we really need to talk about the toxic behaviour that's going on in AO3 comments these days. I know there's a lot going around about how people just want to consume, consume, consume, and move onto the next thing, and most don't even bother to kudo or comment, which is pretty heartbreaking as it is.

But sometimes, I think the folks that *do* comment, but do so in a shitty, entitle way, are even worse. Because it's like wow, you put in the time and effort to make a comment, but you were an absolute douche about it. Now, in some of these cases, I wonder if it's just young people who are new to the world of ao3 and just don't know better. Maybe they honestly don't realise what's wrong with the things they've written. So let's look at a few examples of shitty comments, and talk about why they're shitty, and what could be done to make them more acceptable.

I'm giving people the benefit of the doubt here, even when it's difficult to do so. I'd like to believe that it's just a difference in age and how we've learned to communicate with strangers online. So please, if you're guilty of these things, instead of getting angry or hurt seeing this, just think about how to do better?

So a lot has been said about the "when are you going to update again/I'm desperate for an update/" or even the *shudder* "since you haven't updated in x, I'm going to put this through an AI engine to finish the fic!" comments:

Setting aside the fact that this fic is 44 chapters and over 180k words in length, and this person never left a single comment on it or any of my other fics to tell me they enjoy my work, and how shitty it feels to know your work was apparently loved and appreciated, but not enough to actually *say* that except to demand more of it, sooner... AND the fact that I have long notes on the fic and the series about why the parts are being written and posted in the order they are...

Let's talk about why these comments aren't helpful, and in fact can often have the opposite effect of what you're hoping. Authors are already likely feeling crummy about their writer's block or real life circumstances getting in the way of working on that WIP, and these comments compound the guilt we feel, which makes it even more difficult to work on. It can make us want to avoid even looking at/thinking about that WIP, no matter how well-meaning the comment.

Fic writers are real people with real lives. I only have a couple hours free time to myself everyday, and a lot of times I'm so tired I just want to do something that's mindless fun. Most nights, however, I forgo a movie or video game (IDEK the last time I played a game! and I love gaming!) or reading to work on my WIPs. Even so, these comments are a reminder that to the people reading, that's not enough. They will consume my story, not bother to thank me for it, then demand more.

Often times, you can leave the same comment going on about how much you love it, just delete the parts asking about updates and/or assuming the fic is abandoned, okay?

Next we have the 'did not bother to read the tags and/or author's note' commenters:

The problem with this comment is that this fic is tagged as "no archive warnings apply" which means there is no underage content. Furthermore, while his age isn't explicitly stated in the fic, I have made it clear he is an adult, in college within the text of the story. I have the following in my author's notes at the beginning of the fic: "Tom Holland is my Spider-Man, but I have aged him up here, as he's in college, so. Feel free to imagine whichever spidey floats your boat"

If I'm going to give this commenter the benefit of the doubt (something that is increasingly difficult to do with anti culture), then at best, they do not read tags, summaries, or notes, and expect to be able to ask an author prior to reading their works to answer a comment that is already addressed multiple times.

If you're honestly worried about being triggered, or reading content you don't want to read, then I suggest just straight up avoiding fics that aren't clear enough to you from the tags/summary/notes. If you've read all those and it seems ambiguous, just skip it. Or if the story still sounds good, then maybe just skim the beginning of the story, even. Context clues are your friends, my dudes. If the character is a college student, chances are good they're adults.

The 'lacks reading comprehension' commenters:

Is it wrong to ask questions of an author when you don't understand something? I actually think it's a great way of interacting with authors and can lead to better understanding and appreciation of the work. However, there are a few problems with *how* you ask a question.

First of all, the problem commenters have not previously left a comment of any kind, and don't bother to include any sort of positive feedback along with their question. They just rock up to your inbox demanding an answer to a question they have, that makes you realise they weren't even really paying attention to your work (or the source material for that matter.)

In this case, smartphones don't exist in the canon work, and only exist in my fic because the characters have suddenly been thrust into a different universe. Klaus doesn't understand smartphones because he grew up with them. He is able to quickly adapt to the new technology of the world, while others, like Viktor, are confused by it. This is all explained quite thoroughly in the text.

The 'doesn't know how to google' commenters, who might also be the 'disingenuous question' commenters:

Again, going to give this commenter the benefit of the doubt that they aren't just an asshole anti. So you don't know what Thorki is, but you're on AO3, home of All The Relationship Tags. Even if you didn't think to search it there, google exists, and is your friend. Type Thorki in there, and it's not even like you've got to narrow your search or add 'ship' or anything. The top result is the Thorki page of shipping wiki, and the next several links are photos of Thor/Loki. There is literally no other result given on the first page of google.

But LBR, this is likely an anti trying to subtly shame me for shipping Thorki. In which case, I'd invite you to look at my author page and see the types of fics I write regularly, and maybe just take your nonsense elsewhere.

The 'why are you here?' commenters:

Again, it's not like there's anything wrong with this kind of question! I too have seen PFPs of people on AO3 and been curious myself. The problem is, once again, coming onto one of my works and, without acknowledging the work that I've put so much time and effort into the thing they're commenting on, they just demand an answer.

What's particularly bewildering about this is that it isn't even in the 4 most recent works I've posted. So instead of just seeing my PFP and clicking on the first thing they see and asking there (still a little rude, but maybe more understandable??) it seems they were here to look at my work, and in doing so saw my PFP, and decided to ask.

Look, there's a way to ask these kinds of questions, young folks, and so I present to you

The proper way to ask a question commenter <3 :

Look at that! The commenter was able to get their question answered, and I was delighted to respond to them, because they took a few lines to tell me that they'd appreciated the work it pertains to. Honestly, I don't even need that much, although it's sincerely appreciated and makes my day. But even a simple "Loved the story, it was a lot of fun. BTW--that house..." would be cool.

We've all had those times when we get a burning question reading the fic--

"Is it possible they were referencing those lyrics??? I mean, it's not a very popular song, but it seems so obvious!!!" (probably, and the author is likely gonna be super excited you know that song, too)

"Did that line mean to insinuate what it did? Is that foreshadowing? Are those characters secretly screwing?" (the author may play coy, or they might be super excited you picked up on the thing they were hinting, or maybe they'll be annoyed you ruined the surprise?? but that's on them being brought up in the Marvel era of no spoilers)

Or indeed the questions about PFP or what house/city/clothing you used as reference.

But unless you're a regular commenter, popping up with just that question is abrupt at best, and shows a lack of common courtesy. Like, okay. Imagine running up to your favourite actor/singer/author in public and instead of saying "I'm a huge fan/I loved X/you're an amazing author/lyricist/actor/etc", you just immediately start bombarding them with questions "When are you going to write a new song/What did you mean on page 126 when you said/why did you decide to write these two characters together/etc etc."

Just imagine that you are addressing a living person with real human feelings, and ask yourself, if I were talking to them face to face, would this be an acceptable way to address/open a conversation with a stranger.

[impistry]

In regards to scam messages

Since I've been getting a bunch of these from random accounts (some accounts are only a few hours old), I just want to put this out there that if you come into my DM's or send me a message trying to spin a sob story to try and beg for funds when we've NEVER interacted, I WILL block your account and delete the message. This behavior reads VERY scammy, and I do not play when it comes to donating to folks since my funds are limited (I'm a disabled vet on disability & can not work, so I have to budget my funds carefully). For things I have verified are real (I do my research), and if I am able to afford it, there is a chance I might be able to donate a little bit to help. But for randos messaging me with sob stories to gain sympathy when we've never interacted even once, I will make use of the block button and delete your message, PERIOD. So to say it again, PLEASE do not send me messages like these if we have never once interacted. I do not want to have to block accounts, but I will for my own peace of mind.

[decepti-thots]

I was in the tumblr tf fandom for a hot second a few years ago and i just wanted to ask, is it still really aggressive here? because back then there was a lot of shipping drama, there were a few callout posts going around (can't really remember about what) and just...a lot of bad stuff. I personally had someone tell me to kill myself because I liked one of the villains. guess I'm just wondering if, in your opinion, things have chilled out? Cuz I'd like to get back into it but I'm a little hesitant;;;

I'm going to try and give the fullest answer I can in the best faith to this! For context, this blog is a couple years old now, I have enough followers that I get a lot of active engagement on my posts etc, I am very active in TF fandom here, Twitter, and IRL, and while I did not used to be active I have been lurking in TF fandom as long as I have been on Tumblr.

There is absolutely still some toxicity; all fandoms have their bad faith actors, their drama hounds, their shipping Diskhorsers TM. I have gotten hate mail, I know folks who have issue with weird anon haters who are persistent, whatever. But no, it is not as bad as it has been in the past, IMO, not at ALL, and it is 100% possible to have an active, sociable and nice time in this fandom so long as you curate your engagement, with basically no drama at all. Many of the worst folks burned out and left when the fandom got less active and their shitstirring paid lesser and lesser dividends, IME.

People sometimes ask how I maintain such a vocal presence without falling into the still-there drama, and I have some advice that I promise you will mitigate like, 99% of the possible issues you could encounter:

Block whenever you feel like blocking. If you get a bad vibe, if you just don't personally like someone and don't wanna see them, if you see them throwing what looks like a temper tantrum you don't want in on, just block 'em. Remember: blocking is nothing personal towards the person you are blocking. It is not insulting and doesn't need to be 'earned'. Block every single person you think not blocking might even just theoretically cause stress or drama. (I am blocked by several people for reasons no more serious than 'I hate your OTP', and I commend every one of them for doing it and having a better time on this site!)

Delete any and all anon hate. Block anyone and everyone who sends you hate. No exceptions. No witty comebacks. No takedowns. Nothing. You see it and the actual literal second you do, you block and delete. None of it is worth one second of your time. Deprived of the oxygen, they will leave. And you won't be tempted to re-read it and stress out.

In that same vein, if it causes issues, just turn anon off! Turn it off. Personally I keep it on because I simply do not care about the odd troll, but if you care even slightly? Fuck 'em, turn it off, anon is a privilege your followers need to earn by acting in good faith.

Find people you like and follow them, ignore blatant shitstirring in the maintags (again: block people!) and try to curate content and follows and mutuals based on what you do like and not what you don't. Curate positive engagement; do not rely on the general fandom slurry, find what you like and hang out in your own corner of things that bring you joy. If the maintag stresses you out: don't check it. Check the blogs of folks you know are cool instead. Stuff like that.

Fandom should be fun. Fandom should be finding people you like and sharing good times with them, not stressing about avoiding folks you hate, or who hate you. Tumblr lets you moderate how you engage, when, and where more than almost any current social media site; now you can even turn off reblogs and oh my GOD is that a lifesaver function btw. If you want, you can make your blog unsearchable! It means you will need to be more proactive in making friends. But TF fandom is pretty tight knit these days, and folks want to talk a lot of the time. You'll still be able to engage with cool people.

There's way less aggro losers around these days, but more to the point, you can absolutely avoid the ones that still insist on being annoying and starve them out without much effort, tbh.

[chaikachi]

just want to issue brief apology for vague posting about community drama lately. I know it's only been in tags, under the very rare read more, or deleted shortly after it's been posted, but still.

I had a lot of interpersonal conflict with some of the folks I used to run both the RG server and RG week with. It was traumatizing in ways I am still recovering from (not hyperbole, I am in extensive therapy rn lmao). And while none of us are involved with the server anymore, whenever I hear about the event I get very frustrated with some of the context I have for the things they're doing. I want to share that context with the community because I feel like they deserve more honesty and transparency than they're getting. But I also know it's not my place to share. No longer my circus, or my monkeys and all that.

I also know these frustrations are coming from the hurt of that situation and the powerlessness i feel of not being able to talk about what happened publicly. I would love to scream from the rooftops how much harm some specific people caused and how, but harassment isn't activism and calling them out won't get any of us anywhere. Even if I did word it concisely, fairly, or vaguely enough, I still fear that they would fight back in the ways they did to me before and I just don't have the heart to be on the other end of their aggression again.

All that being said, even without most of the context I have, it seems the folks behind RG week have been burnt out from event running for about 2 years now. The only context I will give is that while I was on that team, I ran the entire Spring 2022 week by myself for the same reason that the Fall 2022 week didn't work out. Because everyone was burnt out, busy, or just didn't want to do the work. So I sincerely hope they reach a point sometime soon where they can be honest with themselves and their audience about their limits and either hire more help or pass on the torch to a team that does have the bandwidth to do it. Because just as much as the RG community deserves better, the mods deserve to not force themselves to maintain fandom responsibilities they don't have the energy for anymore. It's just a cycle of hurting themselves and those that rely on them. And until they either give up or someone else takes over by force, it's not going to get any better.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

hi, this is 90sfatal. personally idc what any of you have to say about me but do you not realize that you’re upset over a minor who has clearly not been educated on the evan/emma situation.. instead of attacking him maybe it would be helpful to provide the evidence that evan is a victim to abuse & not the abuser. & i understand being upset i didn’t defend evan the way you all wanted but i have devoted years of my life to supporting evan & his work even when the world seemingly hated him. i have defended that man countless times & will continue to do so when it comes down to it. excuse me for bantering with a mutual & then messaging him privately to educate him. y’all wouldn’t know about that tho bc you’re not in my dms

letsxriot asked: if you guys don’t like twitter so much then why do you watch our every move.. saying twitter is insane is valid bc we are but at least we have the balls to speak what’s on our minds freely without hiding. you’re the ones going out of your way to send our tweets to a gossip blog anonymously. that’s so strange to me. just don’t look at what we have to say if it bothers you so much. all i do is talk about my fav on there & interact with my friends.

-

i understand that perhaps this person is your friend and you are familiar with him on a deeper level, and that because of this you would feel differently about their statement/how it should be received. with that said, being 17 is not in any way a shield nor an excuse to say outright false, defamatory, and outlandishly offensive things about someone you dislike due to stan war/stan culture.

this goes for you, him, me, and everyone else: what we post on the internet, between friends or not, is public forum and subject to strangers opinions and critique. i know for a fact i have said things on here that ruffled peoples' feathers; i have had entire accounts on here and twitter created for the sole purpose to flame me, dox me, cancel me etc... you're right that we are not in your dms and we don't know if you had a meaningful conversation about why what he said was unacceptable and harmful. i'm glad you did and i certainly hope that he took what you said to heart and will stop confidently spouting lies.

if you have indeed been a fan for years and witnessed the hate that evan received and defended him, then i feel that you'll be able to understand why it's reasonable that some folks would be bothered. he didn't say ''evan peters is an ugly hoe'', he literally accused him of abuse, racism and nazism. it is normal that people would have a reaction to that.

also, i mean, to be fair.. i, and i presume others, are speaking to twitter/fandom twitter as a whole, not directly to your account to disparage you personally. the fandom on twitter currently, is dominated by people who never made a single tweet about him before 2022, many of you guys are teens or just outside of that, and tumblr skews older so it's not unusual that there is a disconnect. that's why i'm here, on tumblr, and not on twitter yelling at anyone to get off my lawn. this entire exchange is a microcosm of that app and why i tend to not engage; it is generally a negative vibe for me, but that doesn't mean you or anyone else should not enjoy it with your friends.

no one is forcing your hand to read a gossip blog nor keep tabs on what my readers send me on here. you used to follow me on here/twitter, stopped, and now are following me on here again because you saw someone send in an ask about twitter happenings a few days back, and wanted to send me a message about it. so in all fairness, you clearly do care what others think and it feels like you and your critics are both utilizing this blog as a vessel to engage in some sort of back and forth about disagreements. to be clear, i've deleted tons of stuff from my inbox about twitter beef. respectfully, i'd prefer that drama stays on the appropriate app and not involve me. criticizing a post, tweet, video, etc. is fair game but this should not be personal. this is the internet and you're certainly entitled to your own feelings and opinions - so are the people who read this blog, who are no more "anonymous" than you or i. like i said before, i fully believe that muting/blocking and not engaging with people who bother you is the best course of action. this fandom is never going to all hold hands and sing kumbaya but it doesn't have to be a negative and hateful experience.

i'm gonna go have my edibles and a bubble bath.

[give-soup-please]

Okay, the inbox is opening back up

This is a gentle reminder that it's going to be impossible to fill every prompt by the time the posts are going to stop on the 15th of September, even if I work at top speed until that time. I'm just going to write what I can. Whatever doesn't get written for will be released as a prompt list so that other people can write for them instead.

For those who don't remember, I'll summarize: The blog will still be here as an archive, it's not going anywhere. But I'm not going to write headcanons for TSP anymore. Keep in mind, writing will be slower than normal as I prepare to move and am juggling several personal projects as well. If you want more details on why I'm stopping, refer to the post link below:

Any prompts received after the 15th of September will be deleted, no matter how good they are. You will not be able to tempt me into writing headcanons again, so don't even try.

For those who have sent your prompts in, but haven't received an answer, they're all still sitting in my inbox, very few have been deleted.

Without further ado:

I write for the narrator from the stanley parable. I can write platonic or romantic things, either for 'you' (the reader) or someone else.

I'm doing these for fun, and I don't guarantee to write to everything that's sent in.

I don't write NSFW, or extreme gore/violence.

I can write for certain things on the spectrum, and certain mental illnesses, but not others.

I can write about autism. I can also write about depression and anxiety both as their own illnesses and as parts of symptoms that are for a bigger problem.

I can't write for DID or schizophrenia.

I can write about s*icide, but not directly. (some anon sent an ask like, "how would the narrator react to the reader successfully committing s*icide" and uh... No. I'm not writing about grief and pain so directly. (He would be devastated. We all would be.)) Ideation is fine for me to write, as are thoughts about it, but the direct act successfully done is off the table.

I don't write yandere stuff, but I can write about an obsessed narrator, because that's very canonical.

I can't write for the narrator reacting to you playing certain games. I have a hard time writing something that doesn't end up as (narrator: "huh. neat.")

Angst is fine to write for, but for my sake, there needs to be a reason for it. Reader and narrator can have tortured pasts, I do write about abuse. But they can't/shouldn't be torturing each other without an exceptionally good reason. "For fun." doesn't meet this criteria. I don't want either of you getting hurt/gen

I can't write crossovers. It requires too much additional research.

Most other things are fair game, but these rules may change as issues arise.

If you aren't certain, just ask. The worst you'll get is a no, or no response.

If you don't specify whether you want something platonic or romantic, I usually choose to make it platonic.

Also a small side note, I apologize if something you sent in wasn't written for. Some prompts are harder than others, some prompts I don't write to because of the above rules. I give every prompt I receive a fair chance before giving up on it.

And feel free to ask personal questions as well. I'm sure some of you are curious about the person behind the posts. No guarantee about answering those either though.

(last round, folks. let's make it count)

[somewhereinthepines]

This is just a funny little thing rather than an ask, but thank you for sharing your fics with us. After the whole Ao3 drama over the past day or so, of not being able to access the site and its fics, I just wanted to say thank you bcs I enjoy your work. I was having fic withdrawals and thinking, "What if the site never comes back up? I'll never be able to read them again, and I'll never know what happens." So yeah, just thought I'd send this to you, haha :) It just goes to show just how important fandom is. Hopefully, this will encourage others to comment on fics they like since everyone has been struggling without their fics.

howdy there! it’s always lovely to hear from you, ask or not. and yeah, i was a bit sad, that i couldn’t read before bed, like i usually do as well. but tbf, ao3 server/staff is pretty apt and usually they deal with site’s issues fairly quickly. it wasn’t the first time, when the site was down due to cyber attacks. after a couple of days, it always bounces back. i do get the sentiment tho. and it’s really nice to see someone else being this gentle of the writing and online fic community. writing/reading was smth that i held dear since my mid-teens, so i can get the feeling of ‘what if i will never read it again’. i still feel sad about some fics, that i loved, but which got deleted. i wish that i could store it all somewhere. 

anyways, thank you for reaching out! and i agree! i always found shelter from irl stuff in stories, be it my own or someone else’s fics. in online communities writing tends to be looked down upon. a typical ‘it’s written like a fanfiction’ thing, that people throw around as an insult, esp when it comes to some canon property that didn’t met their expectations. but honestly, those people just never read a good fic, i guess. i feel bad for them lol. esp bc it does make sense to write fics, even before you would write a movie script or say, a book. writing like any skill needs to be worked on, and experimented with. fics provide all the ground, that you want for that. esp bc you can even have many accs and stay anon, if you don’t wanna smth to be tied up to you in future. but, welp, i do hope that eventually folks will learn to have more respect for online creators. bc like….i mean, it’s literally a free entertainment. of all kinds and genres. too bad that at times, it’s difficult for people to just create and enjoy what they do. but i always say, that i do believe that anyone can start drawing or writing. it won’t be flawless, esp at first, but this way whatever you want can exist out there. 

but ah, okay. sorry! i talk hella a lot. once again, it’s very touching for you to message me! both as a fellow author and a fellow reader, i’m glad to have the same feeling of ‘i really love fics and ao3.’

[lesbian-in-leather]

Okay I know there are a million and one posts on this topic already, but when has that ever stopped me before? So buckle up, folks; we’re talking about appreciating fanfic authors.

Because yeah, I see posts talking about it, but also, idk, maybe somehow people haven’t quite gotten the message yet. So, for those you you who don’t know, if you write fics on ao3 (which is where I and a hell of a lot of other people post all their work) you get a fun little page marked ‘Statistics’ - which is exactly what it sounds like: a complete overview of all your stats - how many hits, kudos, comments, bookmarks and subscriptions you’ve ever gotten, side by side with how many words you’ve written. And, honestly, looking at it, it kinda feels like I’m the world’s worst video game player

Because I know people click on my fics, and that’s definitely a great feeling in and of itself. But then I see the rest of the numbers, and the voice in the back of my mind tells me that, looking at the statistics, people also clicked off my fics. They didn’t enjoy them. They couldn’t even bring themselves to leave kudos - maybe because they couldn’t even force themselves to get to the end

And maybe you’re thinking what I do - maybe my fics are just bad! But this is my point

I know a lot of fic writers feel this way - and some of them are fucking amazing writers. And maybe I’m not one of them! But y’all need to step the fuck up with supporting the authors who are because otherwise, they’ll lose their motivation too, and they’ll stop posting and maybe even delete their accounts, and no one will be able to read their incredible works ever again

And every single post I see about this asks that people comment! It’s every author’s favourite thing! I get such a warm fuzzy feeling whenever anyone leaves kudos on a fic of mine, and if they bookmark it I’ll smile all day - but comments are the things that get me writing more. Comments are the things that I screenshot and save so that I can reread them, over and over, whenever I doubt my writing, because look what someone said. Even if you’ve already commented, or have reread the fic a bunch but don’t know what to say - just say that! Tell the author that you keep coming back, tell them that you really enjoyed their work, point out your favourite line or, if you can, tell them what it is that you loved about it! Just something

To put all this into perspective, this is what my statistics page looks like, right now, as I’m writing this:

Now, user subscriptions are lovely, but I don’t really mind if I don’t get any of those - the fact that seven people want to be notified when I post is honestly mind-bending enough. And I’ve never posted a multi-chapter, so I have no idea which work those two people have subscribed to, but I never even imagined that that number would climb above zero

What gets me, though, is the disparity between hits and everything else. I’ve spent so many hours writing tens of thousands of words, and I just... idk. It’s really discouraging to look at. And I try to rationalise, I really do! Because the fact that there were 89 instances of people liking my work so much that they left a lil message just to tell me that is so so lovely! That’s so many people - even though some of them are the same person commenting on different works, that means they liked more than one that much! And if I was in a room with all of them, it’d still be a hell of a lot of people that liked my writing! And over two hundred people bookmarked my stuff! They not only read it once, but they wanted to read it again! Two hundred people! Imagine that!! But then I look back at the hit counter, and compare the figures

Now, with numbers like that, my brain can’t really conceptualise them, so allow me to do the maths for you. My various works have been clicked on fifteen thousand, eight hundred and four times. Just under 13.6% of those instances resulted in someone giving me kudos. Just under 1.5% resulted in a bookmark. And less than 0.6% of people commented.

And, like I said, maybe it’s me. Maybe my writing just isn’t that great, and that’s fine, I can take a hint. But I am literally begging you to support the authors that you do like. It’s so easy and it only takes you a couple of minutes to leave kudos and write a comment, and I promise you that the author will thank you for it

[maplequeen94]

30, 45, 10

BroTP? Headcanons?

I always thought Alfred and Feliciano would make an AMAZING BroTP. I just see them creating so much chaos and just being general menaces to society.

Most iconic canon line?

Am I Catholic or Protestant? God I don't know!

is the first to come to mind.

How long have you been in the fandom? What's your lore?

Hahahaha, strap in folks! This is gonna be a doozy!

Also gonna put this under "Read More".

Trigger Warnings for talk of bad mental health.

Okay so, I'm an OG Hetalia fan. I got into Hetalia in 2012 after my household got Netflix. Around that time I was going through a REALLY bad depressive state due to a super bad heartbreak (won't go into details, but don't fall for pretentious ass hipsters kids) and Hetalia managed to be the thing that got me out of my depression because it was the only thing that was able to make me laugh. (Which is why Hetalia is my # 1 piece of comfort media BTW)

In 2013 I tried making an ask blog but it didn't take off and unfortunately it caused my mental health to get really bad. because my friend at the time had made an ask blog too that managed to take off and as a result they started to kinda push me to the side. I would tell them how I felt them push me away and they'd be like "Oh sorry" but it didn't feel like they made any effort to fix it. (Plus I was the reason they got into Hetalia in the first place so that made me even saltier). I ended up abandoning my ask blog and pulling away from the fandom after my mental health took a nosedive.

I've always been lurking around in the Hetalia fandom, again it's my Number One comfort media, it means SO much to me. It wasn't until the Pandemic that I really dove back into it. I decided it had been long enough and that I wanted to officially rejoin the fandom. I originally made this blog as a side blog on my OG account but anxiety made me delete it because I was afraid of people I knew knowing about my Hetalia blog. So I just ended up making a whole new account.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

It’s Not Really Holding a Grudge

So going on 2 years ago now, after That Day in January in the United States, I wrote this piece on the old blog:

So anyone who’s been around on my blog a while knows that I like elephants a lot. And if you know me a little better than that, you know that I have a weird brain that makes connections between seemingly unconnected shit pretty often, and that I think in pictures and metaphors. So here’s a weird (or maybe not), disconnected (or maybe not), rambling, potentially metaphorical post about elephants because it’s going to help me manage my anxiety right now. 

So I love elephants so much because they are normally gentle even though they’re so huge and powerful. They’re intelligent and self-aware and OTHER-aware and they have amazing memories. They don’t really NEVER forget, but they do RARELY forget. I think they’re pretty cool. And I don’t think they should be the mascot for the people largely responsible for All This Shit. Elephants actually are pretty much the opposite of All This Shit. 

And I relate to everything about elephants except for the Being Giant part. I’m really other-aware and self-aware. At least I try to be. I remember shit. Like…I can’t help but remember shit. I’ve met a lot of people who have similar mental illness cocktails as me who have memory issues, in that they’ve blocked things out or tend to be forgetful as a trauma response or as a symptom of their Whatever Diagnosis, but even when that’s really close to the same as mine, my brain doesn’t work that way. I’m like an elephant. I remember shit. I’m more like a computer program that automatically saves; a security camera that automatically records, and I have nearly unlimited (so far anyway) digital storage space, so I rarely if ever delete or tape over anything. Which can be good. If you’re like…watching Jeopardy or playing a trivia game or you need to know what song has the lyrics ‘word, word, more words…’ in the bridge somewhere, I’m a prize. And I love being able to replay my best friend from high school playing the guitar, and informal euchre tournaments in college, and my first date with J…our first kiss…our son’s first words and steps and trip to the zoo and reading his favorite picture book as a toddler and our family vacations to Disneyland with crisp precision whenever I want those things. But sometimes…sometimes I wish I wasn’t so much like an elephant and I wish I was more like my dumb puppy who will never learn that the other dog on the dark TV screen is actually HIM, and can’t remember that when J goes to work, he’s going to come home again if he can help it. Hell, he can’t even remember where the other half of the treato went when *his fucking paw is covering it over on the floor.* 

See…I know the truth of the matter is right now, no matter what a lot of folks say, most of those people (but not all of them…I know that), will forget about All This Shit. It won’t be instant (for most of them) like it is for Little G. But it will happen. They’re gonna forget who did and said what. It’s all going to fade into vague, faceless history for most people. It really is. Even for most of the people who are super affected by All This Shit right now. That’s real. The anger; the sadness; the fear and frustration; the anxiety. I know it’s real. For everyone who feels it now. But someday (and sooner than I can even fathom, I’m sure), it’ll be in some dusty file if it doesn’t just get shredded for them, and they’ll be back to meeting up for coffee and running a fantasy sports league with their cousins and high school mates and coworkers like they don’t remember who those people chose to be through All This Shit.

But I’ll remember. 

I can’t forget the yard signs and flags and stickers on the cars. I can’t forget the status updates and retweets and shares. I can’t forget the smug contempt in their raised voices when they called me names, and were so hateful and callous with so many people (not just me). I can’t forget the gleeful intention to inflict (at least emotional) pain and damage.

Even if (probably when) those signs and flags and stickers are removed from view? They’re still there for me. I still see them. Those status updates and shares and shit? Even if (when) they’re hidden or erased? I can still see them.  Even when those voices will inevitably want to return to friendly, docile tones and inquire if my son has a girlfriend or where we’re going to travel on our next RV trip or invite us to a family gathering? I still hear All This Shit. 

Because I’m an elephant.  I’m so so so tired of All This Shit. But I won’t…I can’t...forget All This Shit.

I’ve had a memory for words, both spoken and written, that’s a bit freakish my entire life, and sometimes people think that’s endearing and cute and entertaining...or at least useful. But sometimes it scares them. Because they know I have that recall. I’ve heard more than once through nervous laughter: “How do you REMEMBER this shit?! Hahahahehe...uh...” And because of this memory, I’ve been accused so many times of ‘holding a grudge,’ because people in my life have said things like, ‘That was such a long time ago...’ or, ‘You know I didn’t really mean that when I said it...’ but I still remember it and keep it in my brain and my heart when I make future interactions and decisions with those people. I’m not really holding a grudge though. It’s that I can’t delete it. It’s involuntary. The next time we’re speaking about the subject, or going to or through the same event, or a similar one, I can’t help but replay the past experiences I have with them. I’ll try to explain it this way: Once you learned to read in English, when you see a book cover, or a street sign, or a label on a package...don’t you have to make a deliberate choice to NOT read it? You see it and you know what it means...you basically involuntarily read it, even if your initial instinct is to translate it into another language you’re more comfortable with in your head...you still read it. When you hear other people speaking in English, even if they aren’t talking to you, and you are disinterested in what they’re saying, you still hear it and understand it. You have to make a choice to NOT read it; to NOT retain it; to ignore it; to overlook it. That’s how I feel about basically all words, but it’s actual work to overlook things, to not consciously hold onto someone’s words, particularly when they are directed TO ME, or meant for me to see and hear, even if they aren’t specifically meant for me alone. Even when I have done the work to ignore, overlook, not retain it on purpose (retaining it is a default; I have to work AGAINST that), if the experience or words or behavior repeats AGAIN, all the previous times it’s happened come back, because they’ve still been downloaded and not deleted...they just aren’t being looked at constantly, because I made a choice to not open the file. I dunno. I guess the recent election on top of recent personal social experience brought this back and made me want to write about how I never intentionally or vindictively ‘hold grudges.’ But I just can’t forget what people say, especially if it’s to me, or at least meant for me to see/hear. I have a really hard time ignoring it. It’s a lot of work; work I normally don’t have the spoons or patience to do, especially for people who have been intentionally hurtful. Especially if they’ve repeated the pattern.

[inimikal-archive]

Like,  I  made  a  really  big  detailed  post  about  this  once  which  perished  with  Henry’s  old  blog  but  I’m  here  to  take  another  stab  at  it  because  I  thought  about  it  all  day  so  to   rehash  on  some  things  about  Henry /  Vecna,  in  particular  Henry  Vecna  vs  actual  DnD  Vecna.  Just  some  similarities  between  the  two  &  the  actual  parts  of  DnD  Vecna  that  factor  into  &  influence  Henry  Vecna.  But  before  I  start  I  wanna  mention  I  made  a  post  a  while  ago  talking  about  how  Henry  is  literally  autistic  like  the  way  human  Henry  was  described  throughout  the  narrative  is  bang  on.  Let  me  go  over  things  real  quick:  They  described  him  as  a  “sensitive”  kid  who  was  troubled  by  change,  ostracized by  his  peers,  had  intense  fixations  on  things,  spiders  in  particular  which  he  spent  hours  upon  hours  drawing  life-like  portraits  of,  tends  to  overshare  even  if  inappropriate,  failed  to  adhere  to  &  understand  rules  &  constructs  that  seemed  stupid  to  him,  occasionally  suffered  low  empathy  or  very  high  empathy  on  other  occasions,  was  described  literally  by  his  teachers  &  doctors  as  “broken”,  etc,   kinda  mad  I  deleted  that  post  now  but  yeah  anyway,  just  getting  that  out  of  the  way,  I  very  much  portray  him  as  such;  now  on  to  the  DnD  shit.  To  start  off  with  the  DnD  Vecna  is  considered  a  Lich.  

This  could  very  much  be  considered  true  of  Henry  as  well.  As  Vecna,  I  don’t consider  him  to  be  “alive”  in  the  same  way  normal  folks  are.  Which  is  precisely  why  he  can  take  such  extreme  amounts  of  damage  &  basically  just  regenerate  himself  via  the  upside  down.  

Pretty  much  El  did  actually  kill  him  when  she  blasted  him  through  dimensions,  but  for  whatever  reason,  &  there  is  absolutely  no  science  behind  this,  Henry  didn’t  die.  Maybe  his  body  died.  But  his  mind ?  It  continued  on. 

Perhaps  having  something  to  do  with  his  own  extreme  physic  power  Henry  just  continued  to  exist  &  now  inhabits  his  dead,  severely  damaged  body.  Said  body,  as  it  "decays”  has  become  a  part  of  the  Upside  Down  which  is  why  he  looks  like  that. 

In fantasy fiction, a lich is a type of undead creature. Often such a creature is the result of a transformation, as a powerful magician or king striving for eternal life uses spells or rituals to bind his intellect to a phylactery and thereby achieve a form of immortality. Liches are depicted as being clearly cadaverous, their bodies desiccated or completely skeletal. Liches are often depicted as holding power over hordes of lesser undead creatures, using them as soldiers and servants.

This  literally  applies  to  Henry  as  “Vecna”  in  every  way.  His  Phylactery  is  his  own  dead  body,  which  again,  as  it  ‘decayed’  had  been  altered  by  the  unique  constitutions  of  the  upside  down  to  the  point  where  it  was  ‘rejuvenated’  &  transformed  by  it. 

In  the  DnD  lore  “Vecna”  is  said  to  get  power  from  obtaining  “secrets”.  This  could  be  applied  to  Henry  as  well  as  he  is  able  to  basically  read  into  the  minds  of  others  &  tends  to  target  those  with  trauma,  which  is  usually  manifested  in  some  type  of  abuse  or  self  harm,  thus  private  to  whatever  individual  he's  targeting.  Canon  also  seemed  to  suggest  when  Henry  began  developing  his  powers  as  a  child  he  was  able  to  see  his  parents  darkest  “secrets”  as  well.  His  mother’s  being  that  she  did  not  want  him  &  planned  to  have  him  institutionalised  &  his  father’s  being  atrocities  he  committed  during  the  war.  

It  has  been  stated  in  canon  that  Henry  is  somehow  taking  “power”  from  his  victims.  So  this  again  seems  to  link  him  to  the  DnD  Vecna.   Moreover,  side  headcanon  I  have  &  this  is  purely  headcanon  at  the  moment  but  I  believe  Henry’s  victims  are  “collected”.  He  keeps  them.  Their  bodies  are  dead,  indeed,  the  point  of  destroying  their  bodies  is  so  they  can’t  return  to  them  &  thus  their  “”spiritual  forms””  remain  trapped  within  a  pocket  dimension  of  Henry’s  creation.  This  is  why  El  could  not  find  Max  when  she  tried  to  enter  Max’s  mind  &  why  Max  remains  in  a  coma.  El  saved  her  body,  but  her  “”soul””,  so  to  speak,  isn’t  there.  She’s  wherever  Henry  ports  his  “victims.” &  tbh  like  I  said  this  is  entirely  headcanon  RN,  I  have  no  idea  how  right  I  am  about  it  but  damn  bitch  I  was  right  about  everything  else  surrounding  Henry  so  I’mma  just  chuck  it  out  there.  We  also  know  a  major  part  of  the  season  was  spent  uncovering  the  “secret”  of  who / what  Vecna  was,  so  they  could  figure  out  the  source  of  his  power /  how  to  stop  him. 

Furthermore,  DnD  Vecna  rules  over  a  Divine  Realm.  He  traverses  worlds  beyond  ours.  But  he  tends  to  resides  in  a  dimension  essentially  considered  to  be  hellish/nightmarish.  I  don’t  think  I  need  to  explain  how  this  one  applies  to   Henry  Vecna.  But.  The  upside  down.

DnD  Vecna  is  also  considered  to  have  reality  bending  powers.  Henry  Vecna  exhibited  something  similar  throughout  the  show  as  he  straight  up  sucked  people  into  mind-bending  hallucinations  that  had  the  very  real  ability  to  affect   &  harm  them  in  reality.   

DnD  Vecna  is  said  to  be  enwound  with  an  “entity”  called  “The  Serpent”.  Considered  the  source  of  his  power  by  some  &  others  just  some  type  of  delusion  in  his  unwell  mind.  Whatever  it  actually  is  is  kind  of  up  in  the  air  but  it  has  been  described  by  DnD  canon  like  this : 

“An entity known only as the Serpent speaks directly to Vecna. Others—daring to call themselves wizards, magicians, and sorcerers—manipulate the tiniest aspects of the Serpent and call it magic. But Vecna speaks to the Serpent, and the Serpent speaks back."

Again  this  one  feels  obvious  to  me  but:  The  Mind  flayer  represents  The  Serpent.  In  summary: 

Next  are  some  physical  attributes  I  just  wanna  mention  because  they  also  seem  to  fit  Vecna,  the  DnD  character  only  has  one  eye  &  one  hand.  For  me  I  headcanoned  Henry  to  be  blinded  at  least  in  one  eye  after  his  run-in  with  El,  which  I  think  is  canon  enough  as  we  see  before  Henry  becomes  “Vecna”  one  of  his  eyes  seems  to  be  badly  damaged.  This  really  doesn’t  seem  to  matter  as  Vecna  Henry  uses  his  supernatural  psychic  abilities  to  such  a  degree  he  doesn’t  really  need  to  “see”  with  his physical  eyes.  DnD’s  Vecna’s  perceptive  abilities  are  said  to  be  phenomenal,  I  think  we  can  easily  say  the  same  about  Henry  Vecna,  given  he  is  apparently  able  to  see  &  feel  everything  going  on  in  the  Upside  Down.  I  think  hes  able  to  use  his  perception  in  the  real  world  as  well  just  to  slightly  lesser  degree.  Vecna  is  also  designed  with  a  single  large,  claw-like  hand  that  he  seems  to  use  to  channel  &  direct  his  power.  We  could  consider  this  inspired  by  DnD’s  “hand  of  Vecna”.  Some  of  DnD  Vecna’s  abilities  are  also  “Read  Minds”  &  “Touch  of  Death”  again,  self  explanatory  links  here. 

Last  but  NOT  LEAST,  one  of  DnD  Vecna’s  monikers  is  Master  of  the  Spider  Throne  &  we  know  that  Henry  Vecna’s  most  overarching  motif  is  spiders,  from  his  innocent  childhood  obsession  with  them  to  his  monster  form  acting  like  &  even  invoking  visual  resemblance  to  them  &  their  webs.  Very  sexy  of  him,  if  you  ask  me. 

Okay  &  now  for  something  completely  different  because  I  don’t  feel  like  making  a  whole  other  post  just  for  some  nonsense: 

So  I  love  playing  with  funky  little  AU  scenarios  of  Henry  not  becoming  Vecna  &  escaping  into  society.  Heres  some  concept  surrounding  said  types  of  AU:

He’s  a  weird  guy,  tends  to  carry  around  a  sketch  pad  &  pencils  in  his  massager  bag.  He  likes  to  draw  people.  This  is  psychically  influenced.  Every  now  &  then  he’ll   just  lock  on  to  someone  out  in  public.  He’ll  tale  them  around,  draw  them  a  beautiful  portrait  but  there's  always  something  a  little  dark  &  distorted  about  it.  He’ll  approach  them,  give  them  the  portrait  &  then  tell  them  something  very  ominous,  usually  personal  &  something  he  would  have  no  natural  way  of  knowing.  Despite  the  beautiful  drawing  that  people  are  usually  happy  to  receive  what  comes  with  it  is  alarming  if  not  downright  terrifying.  Then  he  leaves !  Very  casual  like !  Some  people  have  not  taken  kindly  to  whatever  “fortune”  hes  read  them.  He  doesn’t  seem  to  get  it  though.  It  hasn’t  dissuaded  him.  He  travels  around  a  lot.  Though  he  could  probably  make  a  lot  of  money  from  his  artwork  he  doesn’t.  He  tends  to  work  odd  jobs  here  &  there  just  to  get  by  &  get  him  from  place  to  place.  He  has  almost  no  official  qualifications  but  he  likes  to  approach  people  &  make  “deals”  with  them  that  are  along  the  lines  of  if  he  can  tell  them  what  they're  thinking  that  they’ll  employ  him. 

 A  lot  of  people  think  this  super  amusing  &  take  him  up  on  the  “deal”.  To  their  shock  he  is  able  to  tell  them  exactly  what  they’re  thinking,  &  a  bunch  of  other  stuff  there  is  no  way  he  should  know  if  they’re  not  convinced.  Of  course  this  either  ends  up  with  him  tentatively getting  the  job  or  someone  trying  to  call  the  police  or  punch  his  lights  out.  &  Yes,  if  he  really  needed  to  he  could  still  snap  someone  in  half  with  a  glance  but  he  abstains  from  it.  As  usual  though  he  remains  undeterred  &  doesn’t  see  why  this  bothers  people  so  bad.   Henry  could  probably  take  anything  he  wanted  by  force  but  he  doesn’t.  He  tries  his  best  to  blend  in  with  folks  because  the  fear  of  somehow  ending  up  somewhere  like  Hawkins  Lab  again  is  just  that  terrifying  to  him.  But  ultimately  Henry  finds  life  as  an  outcast  adult  is  much  better  &  easier  to  navigate  than  life  as  an  outcast  child.  Whats  more  is  while  he  still  doesn’t  exactly  fit  in  with  society  &  his  opinions  on  it  are  nihilistic  &  anarchistic  at  best,  Henry  finds  the  80s  is  a  world  under  going  change.  While  its  still  not  great,  the  rigid  &  oppressive  standards  of  the  50s  that  Henry  was  born  in  &  that  kind  of  forged  his  somewhat  “radical”  views  are  slowly  being  broken  down.  Things  ARE  changing,  &  I  think  he  would  take  a  lot  of  comfort  in  that,  as  well  as  being  someone  who  enjoys  promoting  &  supporting  this  change  where  he  can,  while  of  course  being  mindful  of  the  fact  he  needs  to  try  stay  under  the  radar  to  avoid  detection  from  agencies  in  anyway  related  to  Hawkins  lab  or  other  similar  establishments.  ANYWAY  those  are  just  basic  ground  level  concepts.  I’d  like  to  build  more  but  that  would  require  some  type  of  plotting  for  AU  type  things  which  I’ll  be  doing  when  the  opportunity  presents  itself  but  rn  I’m  content  just  yammering  into  the  void  as  u  can  see !! 

[valuechainplanning]

Sailing Through The SAP APO Ocean

As we all know SAP is an Ocean where the chance of getting lost is quite high.

Below are key takeaways from my experience while working on SAP Demand Planning projects. While reading this article you may find uncanny resemblances to movie titles and dialogues.  The pun has been intended.

Silence of the stats

Almost for all the clients, we have witnessed an “Ahaa” moment when we show them their own data and how beautifully a tuned stat model can work. We all love before and after picture. Here is an example –Tuned Stat Model

In our opinion, planners should have the ability to edit the history. This is your input to APO engine to populate stat forecast, so if garbage in garbage out!

Remember with great power comes the great responsibility. Extreme values can make the forecast unstable. Here is where demand planners have to combine art and science. Science is about getting comfortable with the Greek alphabets, a world of alpha, beta, gamma and phi. After you tune the stat model, the art part comes in. You need to incorporate intelligence.

With all these powerful features of the statistics in APO DP, now comes the greater part handling it responsibly.

Process Unchained!

Working meticulously during the wee hours of the night when the planners are sleeping to make sure they get the right set of numbers, is really commendable effort.

But why? If the system has the flexibility to run Process Chains, which connect one successful step to the other, one should invest their resources in streamlining auto execution of jobs.

Silver Linings Planning Books

All implementations are complicated and give jitters to the implementation team. Folks are so immersed in the intricacies of the APO design that they forget the simplicity that the business is demanding for.  (By lacking simplicity we may make Dr. Lecter unhappy)

Demand planning is both art and science. We need to reflect this philosophy while working on the design. Again this is not a golden rule and will definitely change from a business perspective. For some companies demand planners are structured around customers while for others it’s by geographical regions or by products. We need to keep such uniqueness in mind, while designing the planning books.

Below is such one such example of a data view –Planning Book Building Blocks

SAP Alerts: Mission Impossible

First things first, “not being able to save and see the right set of key figures needed for such diagnostics calculations”, is I think a key issue here.

By now we all know how APO struggles to calculate MAPE, if it has very low or zero historical observation. Thus, by using MAPE you will end up managing by incorrect exceptions.

Does MAPE of 200% really mean a bad statistical model? Should I really focus my attention on how to drop such 200% MAPE to a certain threshold? Are the efforts even worth the try? We have resolved such questions through dedicated stat modeling sessions as part of our project.

Again not a golden rule, Should I look at MAPE …? Yes…! Should I look only at MAPE…? Absolutely not! Then we are left with scale dependent metrics like MAD and RMSE. And here is where the analytics part comes into play. Different business group within a company cannot have the same MAD thresholds as it is scale dependent.

Making alerts possible also ties back to a structured process chain. Depending on the business needs some alerts we will have to execute on daily basis (e.g. tracking the demand compared to forecast). Because we don’t want to see stale alerts, we also want to delete old alerts.

The Most tricky of them all is, calculating forecast error alert.

A good practice is to measure your performance with respect to a lag forecast e.g.2 month or 3 month lag depending on your business and specific lead times.

Here is list of clients we have worked with in the past –Partial List of clients

Contact us if you have any comments or questions. Meanwhile, you can explore additional information on SAP APO Usability at http://demandplanning.net/SAPAPODownload.html

Please visit http://demandplanning.net/consulting.htm to know about our services offerings at DPLLC.

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[norcumii]

Feral!Kenobi plunnie

I’ve a ridiculous partial plunnie, and no idea what to do with it.

So here it is for the internets, hopefully someone wants to play with it because beyond pretty visuals and some silliness I got nothing. Also, much mock grumpy gesticulating must be made towards @dharmaavocado  because I’m sure I was inspired by her talk of Amnesia AUs (and her recent Leverage AU snippet was inadvertently what kicked things off, so thbbbbbt). Also thanks to @dogmatix because she helped plot SHENANIGANS.

*****

SO! AU time! It’s been like, at least 2 years of this damned war, and Rex is now in a stage of P I N I N G for a certain General Kenobi. He’s professional enough to not ever say a thing, and Kenobi seems ignorant. That’s good enough, right?

Then Kenobi faffs off somewhere, as he is wont to do, and disappears for about a week. The 212th has been left to handle themselves like the ADULTS THEY ARE, while Skywalker, Ahsoka, and Rex sail off to rescue someone’s moronic ass. They follow his trail (no I have no idea what that’s a trail of, which is yet another reason I’m not writing this for reals) to some obscure planet and a weird Sithy type temple thing that looks ominous and feels even creepier in the Force. There’s not much to this temple thing, and the main chamber’s roof has caved in.

That looks recent. As a matter of fact, a bunch of the rocks have been cleared away, like someone was underneath them at the time they came down. There’s a decent amount of blood, too –  

Along with the crushed remains of a familiar lightsaber. Also something the Jedi can tentatively identify as some kind of Sith artifact, though according to Ahsoka (she geeked out about some old relics in the Archives for a project several years ago), no one knows what they might have done.

Fuck. So good news, Obi-Wan is probably alive – the rocks look like they were moved from underneath, not from the outside. Bad news, his lightsaber is toast and there was a mysterious Sith artifact involved. There’s no hint of which was cause and which effect: a lightsaber can be rigged to cause an explosion; the roof could’ve trashed it and the artifact when it came down; the artifact could’ve caused who knows what kind of damage.

They spread out to search the area a bit more closely. Rex is prepared for trouble, but something still gets the drop on him. One minute he’s prowling around checking the bushes, the next something is tackling him. If he weren’t a well-trained soldier and a clone genetically tweaked to keep up with Jedi, he’d be dead. As it is, there’s a scruffy cloaked figure trying to kill him with a set of fancy ritual knives that had to have come from the temple. They tussle for a bit, Rex JUST managing to keep them at bay while getting in a few good hits. The Jedi finally charge in to the rescue, Force shoving the figure into a wall.

The hood of his cloak finally falls, and Obi-Wan Kenobi is looking at them like he has no idea who they are.

*****

There’s possibly a bit more fighting before the trio’s certainty that it’s someone they know and care about sinks in enough to convince Kenobi to back down and listen. See, he has no idea who he is, or who they are, or a lot of things, really. His memories overall are just gone – no hints, no remnants, no suspicious feelings. His skills are all there, including the Force, though he doesn’t always know he’s using things. He just does stuff. General knowledge is fuzzy – he knows about the Republic, but while for instance he knows there’s a chancellor fuckall if he knows who it is.

The other three are Very Concerned, and take him back to the Twilight, then/or the Resolute. Anakin has investigating to do, Ahsoka can research from the ship, and Rex is trying to grapple with the knowledge that after the fact, in retrospect, Feral!Kenobi almost killing him was disturbingly HOT (oh help what do?). Jedi don’t fight like that, this is not normal, and Rex is very, very confused.

*****

“Feral” is accurate. Kenobi doesn’t seem to give many shits about societal niceties (he can observe them, he just doesn’t have much reason to care), and he keeps his shiny knives and just prowls around the place. He’s sparred with a number of the ARCs on board, and kicked ass in ways that The General would not do – also hot, though the general consensus is that the contrast between this new Kenobi and the old one is just too jarring and weird to overcome chain of command and propriety. He doesn’t have the serenity or the tendency of the General to sink into the background: it’s not that he’s arrogant, it’s just that this is a man who has no memories of why he might be uncertain about himself or his place in the world.

*****

This weird little dance goes on for at least another week. It’s late evening, and Rex is almost at his cabin, almost able to faceplant in his bunk and contemplate how these new circumstances are beyond weird and just fucked up. Then Kenobi stalks up to Rex in the empty corridor, and from the way he rakes a look over the Captain, he can tell the aggressive thing is a turn on. He doesn’t waste any time before speaking. “I’ve been feeling you pining halfway across the ship, and it is a very large ship. Did we used to fuck?”

The floor doesn’t open and swallow Rex whole, unfortunately. He tries to stammer out a few things, which is interesting because he has no idea what he might possibly say. Kenobi steps closer, and Rex backs right up to his door. “That’s a no, then. Might be fun to.” He plants a hand on Rex’s breastplate, pushing enough for the pressure to be felt but not enough to actually trap him. “Interested?”

“General–!”

“No.” It’s like all the intensity just cuts off, for all that Kenobi doesn’t pull back, doesn’t move an inch. “Not anymore. I don’t remember being him, for all we know I won’t ever remember being him. I’ll use the name, but not the title. That’s not who I am now.”

“But you might be.” The notion’s plagued him a bit, helped keep a bit of reserve in the face of this man stalking through the halls, utterly certain of himself. “Isn’t that how it goes in the holos? Second crack on the head, forget everything between that and the first one?”

“That’s not how head injuries work,” Kenobi says, dry as he used to be, even as his posture and attitude are still sex on wheels. “There’s no decent explanation for this, several possible causes, and that’s a problem for the other me if he ever comes back. Would it make life difficult for you, if we fucked?”

Little gods, he wishes Kenobi would stop saying it like that, and the bastard can probably tell, and it doesn’t help that the aggressive thing and the attitude are intriguing. “Probably,” he admits with more honesty than he really intends.

Like that Kenobi is several paces back, hands to himself though the posture is still predatory. “Then it’s all your call, Captain. If you’re interested, I’m sure you can find me if you come looking.” He turns, takes two steps, then pauses and glances back. That is sultry in the way the rest was all matter of fact, direct. “Hm. We might have to try that.”

Try what? Rex’s brain manages to ask, before ‘come looking’ sinks in and he just goes red. Fucking asshole of not-really-a-general has already disappeared by then, of course.

*****

So that all builds to some aggressive smutty fun times, because Feral!Kenobi loves pushing (and making Rex blush) and once he’s over the initial reactions Rex enjoys pushing back. For reasons unknown I don’t think Obi-Wan ever gets his memories back, but he’s FAR less likely to fall for persuasive bullshit and political idiocy than in canon.

No idea where or how that goes, though. Just pretty mental images of Feral!Kenobi who thinks fighting is right next door to fucking in terms of a good time, and Rex who is flailing along realizing this hits a LOT of kinks he did not know he had.

~end

[rinarecommends]

Inked - K.Bakugou x F!Reader

Hello my readers! It’s Rina back at it again with another collab from bnharem. This time it was a literal dream come true because it is all BAKUGOU fics. Everyone wrote a fic for bakugou, so for all my bakubabies, its time to read! 

This is my VERY first smut, so be gentle. I am liable to delete my whole blog if this tanks, but I’m putting myself out here anyways! ... I’m kidding, I won’t be deleting my blog, just yeeting myself off the internet or something as dramatic

Warnings: Unprotected Sex (don’t be silly, wrap the willy folks.) 

This is a tattoo artist bakugou au that has been on my mind for the longest, so I decided that this was my time to shine.

For the collab, I got the dialogue; “do you trust me?”

Find the other amazing fics here!

Shoutout to @sightoru for always hyping me up and believing in me and giving great advice. Shoutout to @kingexpl0sionmurder​ for listening to me complain about how I couldn’t do it and always telling that I could. Shoutout to @jodrawssmut​ for reading it and making me feel more confident, and also a shoutout to one of my fave writers of all time: @andypantsx3​ for giving me even more advice and support in this tumultuous endeavor of writing smut, how you guys do it on a daily basis, i dont know. 

Enjoy!

Banner Picture Credit: https://twitter.com/BrttPaige/status/1147540482475663360?s=20

You had always been the type of person that wanted to be adventurous, yet you never got around to it. You wanted to be social, yet you stayed home to study instead of going out with your friends, so you could get into your dream college. You got into your dream college, and that’s where you met the guy that you thought you were going to settle down with, despite it being your first relationship. Instead, you were left with a broken heart and time wasted after finding him in bed with another girl. 

A broken heart changes your perspective on a lot of things, including yourself, and you realize that you had wasted so much of your life in books, that you hadn’t really been living, instead you were just going through the motions. Was your dream college really your dream college, or did you want to go there because your parents did? Did you not drink because you didn’t think you’d like it, or you wanted to keep an image that wasn’t really you? 

This change in your perspective brought you to where you were now. In a bar. You had finally taken up one of your friends countless offers of a night out. You were single now, had been for weeks, and you were over it. You didn’t want to waste anymore of your life on things that shouldn’t be worried about. You had decided you were gonna live your life and whatever happens, happens. 

“What made you decide to come out tonight?” Mina asked you. Mina Ashido was a girl you had met in a lab two years ago, your freshman year of college, and despite how different you two looked, you had so much in common. She had pink hair while you had brown. She had tan skin with beautiful tattoos all down her arms, and you were pale with no tattoos at all. Despite these differences, you had become fast friends, you would dare even say she was your best friend. 

“I’m trying to live life, instead of just letting it pass me by.” You said as you took a swig from the mixed drink you were sipping on, still a little new to alcohol. She smiled. 

“Why does it take shit like heartbreak to make us into the people we always wanted to be?” you gave her a look, not being able to imagine someone breaking her heart, who would want to?

She smirked at you. “My dad broke my heart a long time before a guy ever could.” she said simply with a shrug, as if she knew what you were thinking. Mina was like that, somehow she always knew what you were thinking. 

As the night went on, you couldn’t stop staring at her tattoos. They were so beautifully done, intricate, as if someone like Picasso had picked up a tattoo gun and tried their hand at tattooing. She had some portrait work, some realistic, some with lots of line work, but all of them were beautiful.

“y/n.” she said, snapping your attention away from the tattoos. A blush forming on your cheeks from being caught staring at them.

“You like tattoos?” She said with a smile on her face. Did you like tattoos? You had never thought about them, not really. It didn’t fit into the person you had try to be in the past, but now that you were just doing whatever you wanted, that made you happy… a tattoo was really appealing, even though you weren’t sure about your pain tolerance. 

You nodded. 

“I might get one, now that I’m not letting life just pass me by.”

“Let’s get one tonight.” Your eyes widened at her remark.

“Mina. It’s like almost midnight. I doubt there’s a tattoo shop open anywhere, and if they are, I don’t know if I would trust someone who stayed open till midnight, tattooing people.” You said giving her a side-eye as you took a larger swig from your drink.

Her smile widened and then she laughed. 

“You’re right. He closes at 6, and he’s usually in bed at 8:30. I swear he’s a grandpa even though he’s only 25, but he never turns down a tattoo virgin, and he does owe me a favor, so I could get him to do one tonight… So are you in or not?” You thought about it. Tattoos were permanent, a commitment, which should scare you since your last commitment had ended in heartbreak, but tattoos couldn’t break your heart, right? 

Before you could talk yourself out of it, even though you had no idea what you would even get, maybe just something random, maybe there was one of those machines that you had heard of, where you put money in and a tattoo idea came out, you nodded.

She smiled, showing her teeth with how wide it was, and pulled out her phone. You watched her type away for a couple of minutes, rolling her eyes as some of the messages came through, but smiling nonetheless, it made you curious as to who this tattoo artist was. Mina obviously knew them, knew them well to be okay messaging them so close to midnight, to get a tattoo.

She slipped her phone into her pocket and stretched her arms before looking at me with a face. From her expression you couldn’t tell what the outcome of the conversation was, at least until she broke out into a big smile. 

“He said to give him 30 minutes to get there, so we can finish our drinks then catch a cab or uber there, it’s only 10 minutes or so away, i believe.” She said, taking a swallow from her glass.

You nodded looking at your drink that was almost empty. You downed the rest in one go, for some liquid courage, for some reason you felt you might need it. You stood up as Mina stood up with you. She took her phone out of her pocket, her eyes widening as she read a text that she had received. She took her lip into her mouth, as if she was debating on what to do.

“You okay?” You asked her, concerned something might be wrong.

She giggled. “I’m fine, Kirishima just texted me wanting me to come home because he needs me.”

You paused for a second. While it would be nice to have someone for moral support for your first tattoo, you knew that both Mina and Kirishima were always busy with school and jobs, so they didn’t get a lot of alone time. You smiled, just because you were single and angry at the world, didn’t mean that she was, so you sighed. You had made it outside the door before you had realized, so you looked at her.

“Give me the tattoo shop address and go see your man.” You said to her with a small smile, and she squealed.

“Thank you, I owe you one!” She said as she wrote a text with the address to the shop, and hailed a cab to drive her home as you waited for the uber that she had apparently ordered before you guys walked out. 

A blue sedan rolled up to the curb you were on a few minutes later. 

“Mina?” You smiled sliding into the backseat.

“Mina is my bestfriend, she had to go, but she said I could take the uber to where I needed to go.” You explained to him as you gave him the address that Mina had given you. 

You listened to the music as the driver took you to your location, wondering what you were going to get tattooed on your body. Now that you were thinking about it, you had tons of ideas going through your head about what you might want on your body for the rest of your life.

“Ma’am, we’re here.” the driver said, snapping you out of your thoughts, having not noticed that the car had stopped. 

You smiled at the driver, and you got out of the car, wishing them a goodnight. 

You looked towards the shop, but stopped as you spotted a figure by the door, a cigarette in hand, arms crossed as if they were waiting, but that’s not why you stopped. It was because this might have been the most beautiful man you had ever laid eyes on. He was wearing a tank top, so you could see the skin was covered in tattoos, not a patch was bare along his arms, and it made your mouth water, because the muscles were also very visible, and he was fit, really fit. He had blonde hair that fit him so well, sticking up in places everywhere, you just wanted to run your hands through it, even if you didn’t know who this man was.

His voice stopped you from checking him out as he said your name.

“Are you Y/N?” He said as he took a drag from the cigarette in his hands, looking you up and down, with a smirk on his face. You didn’t trust using words at that moment, so you just nodded. He threw the cigarette on the ground, snuffing it out with the bottom of his shoes, holding out his hand.

“I’m Katsuki. Katsuki Bakugou. Mina told me you were coming, but she didn’t say how pretty you were. I’ll be tattooing you.” He stated, as he shook your hand, sending sparks all down your spine, body alight at just a single handshake. At that moment, you weren’t sure exactly what tattooing with him would consist of, but you were ready to be inked.

He opened the door to the shop, holding it so that you could enter first, and you quietly thanked him for the chivalrous act. 

“First tattoo on a friday night at almost midnight, why do you want it?” He said, his back facing you as he led you to the back of the shop, into a tattoo room. He waved towards the table that you assumed you’d be getting tattooed on, and you sat there as he went around the room flipping stuff on, getting ready for the work ahead. 

“Why?” You asked him, not expecting him to ask you that, you had assumed he’d just ask you what you wanted and do it, never thinking that he would care why you wanted to get one, at the age of 25, people usually getting one, if they wanted, as soon as they were legal to do so. 

He hummed in agreement, before turning to look at you, stopping his messing with the contraption that you assumed was the gun, not having ever seen one before. 

“People have different reasons, some better than others. I’ve heard lots of different answers, some girls just want it because they want something cute on their skin, some men get them to prove that they can handle it, but there have also been deeper reasons, and i like to know why I’m tattooing someone. Mina’s tattoos all mean something to her, will yours mean something to you?” He explained. 

“I want it to mean something, I’m just not sure what… I want it to mean.” You said, hesitantly, wanting to be able to give him a better answer than that.

He opened his mouth to say something else, but words just started pouring out of your mouth.

“I’ve always been the girl who does things because she wanted to seem perfect, wanted to uphold an image for her family, but I’m tired of being that girl. I want to do things that I want to do, not because I think it’ll make anyone else happy. I want to be me, unapologetically. I dated a guy for 2 years, up until 3 or 4 months ago, and he was great, at least to my family because they loved him, and I thought I did too.” You took a deep breath, before rubbing your neck sheepishly, but Bakugou just gestured for you to finish, as if this was just another day of work for him, and you were starting to think it was. He just gave off the energy that you could talk to him, and he’d be brutally honest about everything, telling you exactly what you needed to hear, not what you wanted. 

“I thought I loved him too, until I came home, to an apartment that we shared, with him balls deep inside another woman, in the bed that we had shared for a year, and it hurt, y’know? It hurt, and it broke my heart, but then I just felt so free when the pain left. I’m starting to think that I didn’t love him, per se, but that I loved the idea of him, someone that my parents would approve of, that would give me the stable life that everyone else wanted for me, but I’ve just come to realize that… I don’t want that. I want to fall hopelessly in love with someone because I love them, not be with them because I think it’s what’s right. I want to travel and help others. I want to live.” You exhaled, not expecting to let all of that out to someone you had just met, but for some reason, you felt like you could trust him. You looked at him, and he had a small smile on his face. 

He came towards you, put his face in yours and smirked. 

“I know just what to tattoo on you.” He stated.

“O-oh yeah?” You stuttered out, his closeness making your body flush and your nerves flare up.

He nodded.

“Do you trust me?” He asked you as he leaned away and stood back up straight, having to lean down a little to be eye level with you as you were sitting.

You had just met him. Could you trust someone that you had just met? Probably not, but nevertheless you trusted him enough to spill your emotional trauma out to him, so surely you could trust him with putting something on your body, his work was beautiful, mina’s skin was a testament to that, so you nodded, giving him a small, nervous smile.

“I trust you.” You stated.

“Any idea where you want the tattoo to be?” He asked you. You thought about it for a moment.

“I think I'd like it on the back of my thigh.” you told him. He smirked at that answer. 

“Okay, princess. Take your pants off.” He said, nonchalantly. You felt your face flush, and you were sure you would look like a tomato if you looked in the mirror right now. You gave yourself a push, calming your nerves, and stripped your pants off before you could think more about it. You laid on the tattoo table, face down ass up, and you heard him doing something in the background. Music flooded the room and you heard him sit down in the chair beside the table. His hand touched the curve of your ass as he prepped the area for the tattoo. He laid the stencil down, asking you if you wanted to see the placement, but you shook your head. He asked you if you trusted him, so you were gonna trust him fully, not wanting to see what he was doing until it was done. 

The tattoo gun vibrated against your skin as he drew on your skin with ink, you had thought it would hurt more, but it didn’t. 

“So how do you know mina?” you asked him, breaking the silence between the two of you. 

“We went to Yuuei together, and we were in the same class for 3 years. Kirishima is my best friend, so she was a part of our friend group, and we’ve just stayed close.” He said, plainly. You were aware of every move he made against your skin, his hand on your leg felt as if it was burning your skin. 

“I met her in a lab, and despite all the differences between us, we connected, and now she’s my best friend, the best one I’ve ever had probably.” You told him when he asked you the same question back. 

“How’d you get into tattooing?” You asked, trying to get your attention off his hand and its movements on your ass and thigh, telling yourself that this was his job, it didn’t mean anything, even if you wanted it to. 

“I was an angry kid, so I drew out my feelings, and I was good, but one day I saw All Might’s tattoo work, and I wanted to do that, so after high school, I got an apprenticeship with him along with a childhood… friend… of mine because I wouldn’t settle for anything less than working under the best, and once I learned everything I could from him, I opened up this shop, and the rest is history.” Everyone knew of All Might. He was one of the most famous tattoo artists in the world, one of his apprentices, Deku, was running his old shop now that he was retired. 

“Why were you angry?” You asked him before thinking. You mentally rolled your eyes at yourself, you didn’t ask people that, when you barely knew them. Then again, you had told him things that you usually don’t tell people you barely knew.

He chuckled. 

“That’s a long story, princess. Maybe I can tell you another time, over dinner.” He said. He called you princess again, and it had the same effect, going straight to your core. 

“D-dinner?” You stuttered out. He wanted to take you to dinner?

“Yeah. Me. You. A meal.” He said, and somehow, you could just picture the smirk on his face. He patted your ass as you heard the tattoo gun’s buzzing stop, the action making you clench your thighs, hoping he didn’t notice the small action. 

You looked at the clock, somehow almost 2 hours had passed, and you had gotten a tattoo, and a wet spot in your panties that you hoped wasn’t noticeable. You felt him spray something on your tattoo, before patting your ass again, and you wondered if he did this with all the girls he had tattooed.

“Are you ready to see it?” He asked, and you took a deep breath and nodded. You got off the table and turned towards the mirror, with your back facing it, turning your head to see the back of your thigh, gasping at the sight. You felt tears come to your eyes. 

He had drawn a beautiful bird cage with its door open and a bird flying out of it with beautiful flowers around the cage.

*picture something like this*

You saw him come closer to you in the mirror, and you turned towards him with tears in your eyes. He smiled softly, instead of the usual smirk. 

“You’re free now.” He stated, and despite being the least sexual thing he could ever say to you, it was like something snapped in you, that had been building up since you laid eyes upon him that night. 

You leaned up, slowly, looking him in the eyes, hoping that he had felt the connection between you two, but that if he hadn’t, he would stop you, and he didn’t, so you closed the gap between you and kissed him. He kissed you back, almost instantly, and it was full of passion and hunger. He slowly backed you up against the wall, holding your hands above your head when he got you against it. He pulled back, looking at your face, and smirked, before pecking your lips, dragging his lips down your jaw leaving pecks that set your skin aflame in the wake. He got to your neck and kissed the same spot a couple of times before sucking, you were sure it was going to leave a mark, but it didn’t matter. He had already left something more permanent on your skin. You felt a moan leave your mouth as you felt his teeth scrape against your skin as he left a mark. He pulled away too soon, and you felt your head chase his, to bring your lips back together, moving on instinct. 

“I have to wrap your tattoo, princess.” He said to you, making you groan out loud, and he smirked pecking your lips.

“We have plenty of time, relax.” He whispered as he walked to a drawer, grabbing something, you weren’t really paying attention to what he was doing, and before you knew what was happening, he turned you around so that your chest was against the wall, and he dropped to his knees behind you. You felt him rub something on the spot where your tattoo was and felt him put something over it, then as you were about to turn back around, you felt his lips on your thighs, placing kisses up, and you arched your back at the feeling. You felt him go up your leg with his lips before he got to your center, and he pressed a kiss onto the wet spot in your panties and you groaned out loud. 

“Don’t be a tease.” You said, sounding out of breath when he had barely touched you, your body felt like it was on fire, burning for his touch as if him touching you was the only thing to ease the burn. 

He chuckled against your core, before, suddenly, you felt the cold air of the room against you and you were bare before him, you instinctively closed your thighs to hide your wetness from him, but kept your thighs apart, slapping your ass making your back arch at the small sting it sent through you.

“Don’t hide from me princess.” He said before you felt his tongue lick its way up your slit, a filthy moan leaving your lips at the sensation. He ate you slowly at first, teasing you with the piercing on his tongue, making you pant and say “please” before he ate you as if he was a man starved and you were the only thing that could satiate his hunger. You felt yourself climbing in ecstasy, you could not wait to reach the peak of it. Suddenly, it was like a dam broke as he took your clit into his mouth and sucked, his piercing rubbing against, making you reach your peak, and you let out a pornographic worthy moan, never having cum so hard from oral. You felt yourself being spun around before you could come completely down from your high, your back now against the wall you had been leaning on with your arms as he feasted on you. Bakugou pulled you into a kiss, you could taste yourself on his lips, kiss full of hunger and lust. You felt his hand run down the front of your body before one of his fingers rubbed against your clit, moaning into the kiss.

“Please.” You whispered against his lips, barely pulling away from the kiss, only enough so that you could whisper that one word to him. He smirked into the kiss before inserting a finger into your cunt, slowly, agonizingly slow, and you whimpered at the intrusion, having been so long since something had penetrated you.

“Fuck princess. You’re so tight, you think you can handle my cock?” He muttered do you as he peppered kisses down your jaw before getting to that sweet spot on your neck again.

“I can handle it.” You got out, moaning between the words. He chuckled against your neck, fucking you with his finger before adding another. It felt so good, but you wanted more. You moved against his fingers, giving yourself more friction, the palm of his hand brushing against your clit as you fucked back onto the two fingers.

“That’s right baby, fuck yourself on my fingers.” He whispered into your ear, his voice gravelly and full of lust. You grabbed his hair, pulling his lips back to yours, he groaned against your lips at the feeling of you pulling hair, making your pull more, softly biting his bottom lip as you pulled away, looking into his eyes as you rode his fingers.

“More. Please.”

“You sure?” He asked as he rubbed a third finger against your clit, making you throw your head back and scream a silent moan, you could feel yourself reaching your peak again, you nodded at him, wanting more, needing more. 

His third finger entered slowly with the first two, and you whimpered, stretching you open, but the slight pain mixed with the pleasure felt so good. Your hips had stopped moving, so he started a slow pace, to get you accustomed to the stretch before he made it a steady faster pace, fucking you with his fingers. You pulled at his shirt, wanting it off, when it should have been off long ago. He stopped to take it off for you, and you whimpered at the loss of contact, but when you saw his chest, you groaned. It was covered in beautiful, intricate artwork. His body was that of a Greek god, chiseled to perfection, and when you noticed a glimmer from the light of the room hitting it on his chest, you spotted the piercings he had on his nipples, and you salivated, becoming more hungry for this man than you already were. 

You pulled his face closer and grabbed his hand guiding it back to your center, where you wanted them, and he slowly slid each finger back in, one by one. You groaned at the return of the feeling of his fingers inside you, your body set aflame once more. You pecked his lips as he started a steady pace, making your way down his jaw and neck like he had done to you previously, but you had a target. Thankfully, he was taller than you, because your height gave you the perfect angle to take his pierced nipple into your mouth and gently suck, the moan he let out, making you even wetter than you already were. 

You gave each nipple attention before attaching his lips back to yours, loving the way they fit together so effortlessly. 

“I want you inside me.” You groaned against his lips, grabbing his belt buckle, undoing his belt without breaking away from the kiss. 

You broke away, getting on your knees to unbutton his jeans, pulling down his underwear along with them, freeing his erection. You gasped at the size of it, understanding why he asked you if you thought you could handle it. He was big, girthy, and a nice length, but you noticed that there was also metal glinting in the light down there as well, piercings on his cock as well you licked at the tip that was leaking pre feeling the metal of his piercing against your tongue, but before you could take him into your mouth, or try to, he pulled you back up to your feet.

“As much as I’d love to have those pretty lips wrapped around my cock, princess, I want to be inside of you just as much as you want it.” He whispered giving you a kiss, he muttered that he needed to get a condom, but you stopped him from walking away.

“I’m clean, I’m on the pill, just fuck me. I want to feel all of you, inside me, please.” You told him, tone almost as if you were begging, he threw his head back and groaned at your words. He looked into your eyes as he rubbed the tip against you, you whimpered at the sensation of his piercing rubbing against your clit. He patted your thighs, signalling you to jump, so you did, your legs wrapping around his waist as he carried you from against the wall. He sat you down on the table that you had been laying on to get a tattoo just earlier, and spread your legs open again, rubbing the head of his cock against you before stopping at your entrance. He looked at you, as if he was giving you one last chance to back out, but you were all in, so you just stared back as he pushed into you. You whimpered at the stretch, making him stop, before relaxing your muscles, moving your hips to tell him to keep going. 

“Move. Please.” You whimpered out, and he obeyed. You had never felt so full in your life, and in that moment, you knew that your cunt was ruined for any other man, you would never be satisfied if they couldn’t make you feel this kind of euphoria. You wrapped your hands around his neck as he started a steady pace, thrusting in and out of you, piercing hitting a spot inside of you that made you see stars, you scratched down his back, and he groaned against your lips, not kissing but still wanting to be close. 

“Oh God, Bakugou.” You let out a small scream, your peak getting closer and closer as he kept ramming into you.

“Katsuki. Call me Katsuki.” He grunted to you, sharp short thrust with every word as if to emphasize his point. 

“Feels so good, Suki.” You babbled out, head filled with nothing but the feeling of pleasure and him inside you.

“Yeah? It feels good, babe? You gonna cum all over my cock, huh princess?” He grunted into your ear, his words making your head spin even more with his dirty words. 

You whimpered out an “uh huh,” not being able to say much else, only focused on hitting your peak, clenching against him hoping he would reach his with you.

“Don’t cum until I say so.” He ground out, picking up a faster pace, making you throw your head back and scream, you were glad it was just you two in the entire building and that the walls were concrete. His thrusts getting sloppier, his hips stuttering, you knew he was close as well.

“Need to cum, please let me cum.” You whimpered to him, not knowing how much longer you could hold off your impending orgams, you were teetering on the edge of the peak, wanting to reach it so bad. 

“Fuck. Cum Baby.” He said, and you exploded into the best orgasm of your life. Vision turning white. Screaming out his name, rocking against him as you rode it out. 

“Fuck. Such a good girl, cumming all over my cock. Where do you want me to cum, princess?” He asked, his voice still full of lust, as he came to his peak, starting to pull out to finish, but you wrapped your legs around him, not wanting him to leave from inside you, wanting him to fill you up, to ink you in more ways than he already had. 

“Inside. Cum Inside, Suki.” You babbled out, begging him to cum, with pleases over and over, and he groaned, taking you into a kiss as you felt him fill you up, warmth filling you, his cum painting your walls.

“Fuck.” He whispered. You nodded, agreeing, it was a “fuck” indeed. Who knew the best sex of your entire life would be with someone you had just met.

You both stayed silent, trying to catch your breath and come down from the high you had experienced together. He pulled out, and walked over to get his jeans, putting his pants back on before stepping back between your legs, that you had not bothered to close yet. 

“This is ass backwards, but dinner Friday?” He asked you, breaking the peaceful silence and afterglow that had set in. You looked at his red eyes, and you giggled.

You decided that tattoos were permanent, but you maybe also might want the person who did the tattooing to be permanent too. You weren’t sure what would happen between you and Katsuki Bakugou, but you wanted to find out, and maybe, just maybe he’d ink his name on your heart the way he had the beautiful artwork on your leg. 

“I’m free.” you said to him, pecking his lips for good measure.

[hillbillyoracle]

Rural Accessibility Matters

We really do not talk enough about how the move to streaming and banning local copies absolutely screws over rural folks so much. 

It’s one of the reasons that for the things I make available for free, why I do not make them read only copies. I always try to make it so you can save it to your personal collection. It’s part of why I provide the vast majority of my writing for free because I know it’s expensive as hell to develop and maintain a library of local copies. It’s part of why I prefer to work in mediums that don’t require special knowledge to copy and save - written and visual. 

For years I did that as someone who had grown up rural but moved to a city out of consideration for the strong ties I still had in the country. 

But now I’m looking at having to move back. 

One of the first things my parents mentioned when we discussed moving in with them was that the internet is generally very poor. There are times when there are none and even when they have it, the ability to stream media is incredibly limited.

At first, I wasn’t that concerned. I thought well I’ll just go back to what I used to do - store local copies. But it turns out, that it’s not only incredibly hard by virtue of there being very few and very limited store fronts to purchase them but most work arounds are illegal. So people who are denied access to good internet by monopolies that use the “there’s not enough people living here to merit the upgrades” excuse are also denied of media generally. 

Are there some options? Yes. But they’re nearly all expensive or toeing the line legally. 

I think what’s more frustrating than anything is that when I try to talk to people about this issue they act as if it’s natural. It is not. 

Other countries with similar economies have better internet speeds across the board and with far better rural internet access. This is a manufactured issue that providers depend on convincing you is “natural”. 

Why this is a rural specific issue is that when I’ve gone without internet in cities, it was pretty easy to walk or take a short drive into a place with internet and the libraries were close + well stocked. I could easily get to a place with free wifi, download stuff to my phone, and delete it to make space for more. Many apps would auto clear things I’d already listened to or watched but it wasn’t an issue because daily I’d walk down to the dentist office or the creepy strip mall or whatever I was near and grab more. 

It’s not as easy when you’re rural. With gas prices rising it’s expensive just to drive to get internet somewhere. Local copies provide a more stable turnover and are able to be stored in long term formats like external hard drives or local servers that don’t need to be cleared out to make room for new stuff nearly as often. Yes it’s nice that when I actually can get to a library I can download ebooks and audiobooks - but when they disappear after 2 weeks and there are more barriers to me getting back to the library - that impacts my access to books. A local copy can be read again and again in the meantime. 

What’s been especially frustrating to see is primarily metropolitan based artists who make providing no download options (paid or free) for their work the norm based on the argument that artists deserve control over their work. While yes, that’s true that artists deserve control, to not even provide a method for those who need local copies to get one, you’re ensuring your work will only ever be consumed by people who are also in areas that were deemed important enough for good internet and pushing people toward criminalized methods of obtaining that media - which artists love to shit on. 

You can call it stealing all you want, but if you make ads or small streaming kickbacks your only revenue stream and don’t even provide a way for people who need local copies to pay you...to me at least there’s always going to be an undercurrent of saying “sucks to suck” to rural folks especially. 

This mentality is always especially egregious to me from people in cities who are making work informed by folk traditions that originated in rural areas still deprived of internet access. Indie bluegrass/folk musicians are a great example of this. I don’t want to slam this artist by name but I was looking to see if I could pick up a CD or digital download of an older album by a indie folk artist I like and just could not find it. I don’t think it’s available. Unsurprisingly, when I checked, they live in NYC and are from a city in their home state. 

Compare that to folk musicians still living in Appalachia or the South - Appalshop works with so many musicians to not only help the record, mix, and master their music but makes local copies available for purchase for every artist I’ve seen them work with.

This goes for writing too. So many folks currently making work in genres with DIY histories have no DIY ethos anymore. If you’re blogging and putting your thoughts directly into the hands of readers, you are, to some degree at least, participating in a culture influenced by zine and DIY punk movements generally. 

It’s worth thinking about how those people thought of media - as something they wanted to get into as many hands as possible for as cheaply - both to producer and consumer - as possible. 

Read about anticopyright and copyright alternatives. Get familiar with critiques of permission culture. Consider what hard copies and digital local copies you’ll make available. 

You have decisions to make. Will you plaster your works with “DO NOT SAVE, DO NOT STEAL” disclaimers or will you openly let people know they’re welcome to save a local copy of your work? Will you depend on ads or will you make your videos + music + podcast available to saving locally (and let people know how to pay you)? It’s not simple or straightforward and it requires a certain level of knowledge folks who’ve grown up in the streaming era may not have. I know I’m still in the process of figuring it all out and I grew up in the era of ripping any and all CDs you could get your hands on. 

But how you answer these questions will directly impact rural access to your materials so it’s worth taking the time to consider.

And if you’re someone living in a “developed” area and you need a personal reason to care about this shift - the internet is no where near the given it’s being treated as right now. Governments around the world have effectively shut down or majorly limited internet at the drop of a hat. Natural disasters are not only more common but are taking longer to bounce back from when they occur in areas they historically haven’t (Texas Ice Storm 2021). Cyberattacks are escalating in what they target. 

These are issues that impact all of us and really we all should be looking at what we can do to build out our local file collection no matter where we live. It’s just that rural access tends to be the canary in the coal mine on these issues and it’s high time more folks started paying attention. 

All of this is to say that while I know there’s not such thing as universally accessibility, folks need to at least consider the needs of rural folks a whole lot more. 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 282: Aizawa Defeeted

Previously on BnHA: Oh my god do we even care about that at this point. Tomura made a speech; Gran Torino died; Deku lost his shit and tried to strangle Tomura to death with his bare hands; Ryuukyuu came back from Wherever She Was and tried to grab Tomura but he punched a hole through her giant hand; and now he’s grabbing his Quirk-Be-Gone bullets and is ready to cause some mayhem okay?? That about sum it up?? Is anyone even reading this?? CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH IT I’VE WAITED AN ENTIRE WEEK.

Today on BnHA: Well I guess let’s start with what doesn’t happen: Bakugou doesn’t lose his quirk. HE LUCKED OUT!!... for now, anyways. Because, thanks to a near-impossible-to-predict series of events (seriously, raise your hands if you had “Aizawa gets shot but goes full World War Z on his own ass” on your bingo card), Tomura has seemingly regained his regeneration powers, which means that his other quirks are probably back online as well! So we’ll see how that all goes. Anyway so in the meantime Shouto’s back, looking very mad that everyone temporarily forgot he was a main character. And Gigantomachia is back as well! Or almost, anyway. Also, you’ll never guess who broke another one of his arms! Go on, guess. But at least he still has the arm, though, which is more than we can say for certain other people’s limbs. Poor Aizawa is literally on his last leg. He and Tomura really got off on the wrong foot. He chopped his leg off, is what I’m saying. It’s that kind of chapter folks.

you guys I’m losing my whole fucking mind. I straight up deleted the tumblr app off my phone for 24 hours so that I wouldn’t be tempted to log in and risk potentially being spoiled. and I’m happy to say that it worked! so here we are now, completely spoiler free, and let me just say that if Horikoshi decides to cut back to Gunga Mountain now, I will either cry for hours or abandon the series forever and go do something more productive with the rest of my quarantine like learning how to play sad songs on the guitar

all right. here goes

so we’re opening with Deku, who is currently comprised of 100% rage and 0% mercy, and is doing that thing where only the whites of his eyes are visible. and basically he’s just thinking “I’VE REALLY GOT TO HOLD ON TO THIS GUY AND MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T DO ANYTHING ELSE HOMICIDAL.” which is a solid game plan, but perhaps not so easily accomplished

-- oh my god this poor kid is still in denial, I can’t. why are you doing this

is there even still a Gran Torino to tend to at this point? after Tomura bulldozed a hole through his torso, and you went and finished the job with your own fucking attack? sob

but I guess the law of Tragic Shounen Mentor Deaths mandates that Gran’s should be at least as drawn-out as Nighteye’s was, though. so he’s probably only Mostly Dead, which is still Slightly Alive if I remember my Princess Bride correctly, and I think I do

so now the rest of these stooges are finally catching up with us here

yes, my friends. a bullet. WELCOME TO MY LIFE FOR THE PAST FUCKING WEEK. anyways I have a LOT of pent-up energy here just fyi. there may be a lot of unnecessary screaming in this recap

FUCKING WYOMING SMASH Y’ALLSSSS

I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT JUST HAPPENED SOB. DID HE JUST HAMMER FIST TOMURA’S HEAD INTO THE GROUND. DID HE SNAP HIS FUCKING NECK AT 100%. IN AN IDEAL WORLD HE WOULD HAVE JUST CHOPPED TOMURA’S ARMS OFF WHILE SOMEHOW MANAGING TO AVOID BREAKING ANY OF HIS OWN BONES IN THE PROCESS, BUT I HAVE A FEELING THIS SITUATION WILL NOT BE RESOLVED IN ANY KIND OF MANNER ONE WOULD CONSIDER “IDEAL”

(ETA: fun fact: this attack did absolutely nothing except make things approximately 100x worse. but you tried Deku. you tried.)

THE FUCK KIND OF PORTENTOUS BULLSHITTING TITLE IS THIS. OH MY GOD, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT EMOTION I’M HAVING RIGHT NOW, IT’S JUST A LOT OF LOUD THOUGHTS

anyway so if you’re just joining us, Tomura just pulled two bullets out of his pocket, the good guys finally noticed, and then Deku did a smash and everything exploded. the radius of this attack actually looks wide enough to have potentially involved Aizawa, who probably does NOT want to get any debris in his eyes right now, and also Gran, who probably doesn’t particularly want to be hit by another deadly attack for the third time in the past ninety seconds. anyway so I guess what I’m trying to say here is WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT YOU LITTLE GREEN LUNATIC

AHHHHHH

he got the one!! the one that was in Tomura’s right hand!! but what about the one in his left ahhhhhhh

(ETA: lmao at Kacchan being the one to blow up the same bullet I was so sure he was going to be shot with. saw the writing on the wall, huh kid? what do we say to the god of foreshadowing?? ‘NOT TODAY.’ ...except that we’re still not actually out of the woods yet so you still better watch yourself lol.)

...

based on the font here, these are Tomura’s thoughts. which he is thinking immediately after getting the lower half of his jaw very painfully cronched by the VERY homicidal sixteen-year-old still clinging to him. anyway so Tomura’s thought processes are as inscrutable to me as ever lulz

and Deku’s arm looks broken again, yaaaaay. but at least it’s his left arm and not his right! so that’s nice. now they can match

[SHRIEKS]

HE YEETED IT. IT HAS BEEN YEETEDED. HE DID A YEET. [sobbing] he DiD a YeEt oH my GOD

DID IT HIT SOMETHING!?!?!?

my reading process here is as follows: 1) scroll down exactly one panel. 2) scream even though absolutely nothing has happened yet. 3) WRITE THAT DOWN 4) REPEAT

DKSFJLKHSDLGKHLI

DID IT HIT HIM!?!? DID IT GET HIM IN THE LEG SOB ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS. JUST LIKE THAT?? BOOM GUN BULLET LEG!!?

YOU GUYS IT REALLY HIT AIZAWA AND NO ONE DID A GODDAMN THING?? it wasn’t even drawn out or anything??? it just HAPPENED, within like four pages??? NO SLOW MO?? NOT EVEN A REACTION PANEL WHAT THE FUCK

son of a bitch I would so dearly like to grab Manual and RockLockRock’s heads right now and just conk them together real hard. YOU STUPID FUCKS sob YOU HAD ONE JOB!!! IT REALLY WAS JUST ONE!! AND YOU WERE SHARING IT!! SO IT’S MORE LIKE HALF A JOB!! AND YOU STILL COCKED IT UP IN ABSOLUTELY NO TIME AT ALL OH MY GOD

(ETA: they should blow this panel up and make it into a t-shirt and make Manual and RLR wear the shirts every day for the rest of their lives. half a job, you guys. please go away I cannot even look at you right now.)

FUCK MY EVERYTHING

(ETA: I still can’t figure out if this horrific angle is due to the earlier damage from the Noumu, or if Tomura really just flung the bullet THAT hard. honestly I’m surprised it didn’t just slice right through him with that kind of velocity. “no thanks because then I wouldn’t get to write a scene where he chops his own leg off” oh okay well when you put it that way, Horikoshi.)

if I recall correctly this is the leg that he said was “twisted”, no? yeesh. might just want to chop it off real quick, then. s’not like it’s doing you any more good. does anyone know if zombie rules apply or not with this sort of thing?? shit

?!?!

“THANKS”?? okay what. did it hit him or not??

-- oh my god WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT

I WAS -- I WAS JOKING I -- FFFFFFFFKJK

jesus fucking christ. when I said “might just want to chop it off real quick” literally FOUR PARAGRAPHS AGO, I can tell you that the one thing I did NOT expect was for Aizawa to be all, “you know what, that’s a good idea”, and then YOINK OUT HIS TRUSTY HERO SHANK AND GO FULL 127 HOURS ON THIS BITCH. "LALALA WE’RE GONNA DO IT RATIONALLY TEEHEE” like excuse me, the fuck

anyways. I don’t even know what to say. thank you Aizawa’s leg for your sacrifice, and for always supporting him. literally. oh my god I came here ready for my son to enter a new phase of character development, and for the manga as a whole to enter a new phase of glorious, glorious angst. no one told me I’d be sitting here making puns instead. what a fine, confusing day

anyway though let’s just fucking hope it worked. and side note, if Aizawa Shouta really did chop off his own fucking leg just now and somehow STILL managed not to fucking blink, I think we might as well just go ahead and hand him the Biggest Badass In The Series award right now because no one is ever going to top that. nope. not happening

it is truly a testament to Shigaraki Tomura’s unfathomably mysterious sexy villain energy that he still somehow manages to look hot with only half a face

also no one in this manga actually feels pain, do they. not Deku, not Aizawa, not Tomura, no one. no wonder none of them have any self-preservation instincts to speak of

um

did someone just randomly explode just now. at this point it might as well happen, right

oh it’s the shockwave from Deku’s Wyoming attack, apparently. how nice of it to have a delayed reaction for absolutely no reason

anyway so Deku’s being flung back, but he’s grabbing onto Tomura again with Blackwhip. but oh shit you guys, if Tomura escapes Deku and Ryuukyuu’s clutches and still has any bullets left in his pocket, we may still be able to salvage this Bakugou quirk situation after all. would be nice to be able to actually do something with all of these “happy quirk losing day” balloons that I ordered

(ETA: actually, believe it or not I honestly like this better. Tomura using AFO was always the more dramatic option anyway. and now that we’ve done the bullet thing everyone has presumably let their guard down again, which, good.)

I love how Tomura apparently hasn’t noticed that Aizawa’s just amputated his own leg? to be fair he’s probably distracted by all the explosions and such

also gotta love how Deku’s arm-breaking attack seemingly just made everything worse for no reason. and also how Manual and RockLockRock are once again just standing there doing absolutely nothing

SO NOW GUESS WHAT’S HAPPENING

I MEAN IT! GUESS. BECAUSE YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE LOL

OH WELL OKAY THEN

just like we all saw coming!! ...

so is this Endeavor’s attack?? Bakugou’s?? either way, hot damn. fortunately for Tomura he is apparently operating under the same guidelines as the U.S. Federal Reserve, in which mutilated bills may still be exchanged at face value if more than 50% of a note identifiable as United States currency is present. basically as long as roughly half of him is still vaguely Tomura-shaped I assume he’ll be fine

(ETA: in hindsight I should have immediately been able to identify this as a Shouto attack based solely on how murdery it was lol.)

OH MY GODDDD

KRANCH?!?

OH MY GOD LOL WHAT. LOL. REMEMBER EVERYONE’S THEORIES FROM LIKE TWENTY YEARS AGO LOL. SHOUTO WHAT THE FUCK. DID YOU STOP FOR DRIVE THRU

AND MEANWHILE DEKU’S BACK ON THE SCENE GIVING ARGUABLY EVEN LESS FUCKS THAN BEFORE, IF SUCH A THING IS EVEN POSSIBLE. SO FAR THIS CHAPTER HAS PRECISELY ZERO THINGS THAT I ACTUALLY EXPECTED IN IT, WHICH IS VERY IMPRESSIVE

IT ALSO HAS A LOT OF SMASHING

a LOT. of smashing, guys. feels like... 60% smashing, 20% severed legs, 20% Kranch

-- oh no oh SHIT oh shit oh shit

(ETA: um so I really can’t tell how far that wound extends and whether or not Aizawa still has his right eye, shit.)

first of all how did Deku get here next to Aizawa when he was just over there with Tomura, what. and second, I think Aizawa just blinked, oh shit. probably on the verge of passing out after CHOPPING HIS OWN LEG OFF which STILL hasn’t been acknowledged yet?? did I just completely misinterpret all of that back there or what

(ETA: there was seriously so little attention called to this that I scrolled back up to confirm it probably like half a dozen times. apparently Horikoshi thinks that THE MOST BADASS THING TO EVER HAPPEN IN THE MANGA should be completely downplayed. whereas if it were me, there’d be an entire two page spread of JUST THE LEG. WITH MUSIC PLAYING. EVEN THOUGH IT’S A MANGA.)

YEPPPPPPP. fuck

look at him though. he’s so happy. this is why I can’t stay mad at you no matter how deranged you get you little maniac

so is quirk-stealing back on the menu then or what. don’t think I’ve been lulled into any kind of false sense of security by any of this lol

-- ARE WE SERIOUSLY CUTTING AWAY

so Todoroki really went after them ALONE. the better to put his dad right back up at the top of the Lose Your Quirk Sweepstakes finalists. well... second-to-top, maybe. like I said I will not be lulled

yuh-oh

why do I feel like the odds of Gigantomachia arriving to herald the end of this chapter just shot up DRAMATICALLY

so the next page is almost entirely just a list of cities that the news anchor is telling people to evacuate because they’re in Machia’s path. along with a bunch of dead heroes lying around everywhere, and Ochako being all ominous

(: weren’t they, though? heh. this is going to be so, so bad (: (: (:

-- fuuuuuuuuuuu

aaaaaand that’s it. hahahaha. okay then let’s summarize

Bakugou defied all expectations and kept his quirk (FOR NOW)!

Aizawa cut his own fucking leg off and it WASN’T EVEN REMOTELY ACKNOWLEDGED FOR REASONS I CAN’T UNDERSTAND (R.I.P. AIZAWA’S PRECIOUS LEG. YOU ALWAYS PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD)

Kranch showed up after 157 years and is probably wondering why the heck I keep calling him “Kranch” now. THINGS CHANGE WHEN YOU’RE MIA FOR A WHILE MY LITTLE STARBUCKS CHRISTMAS CUP

Deku broke his arm for the 78th time

Tomura regenerated but seems to think Aizawa’s quirk is actually gone for good, which I’m pretty sure it’s not. so if they can keep him from destroying everything long enough for Aizawa to turn it back on again, we might possibly still survive this

and lastly, Machia is about to kill all of these stupid people frolicking around outside of this fitness club who are probably so proud of themselves for not being glued to their phones 24/7 because they prefer to LIVE LIFE IN THE MOMENT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. well that’s on you my friends. at least it’ll be a quick death. ffff