maryedawrds

[summoning-potema]

Listening to my shane playlist again totally not because I'm depressed and stressed but it made myself feel better cuz it's a kickass playlist if I do say so myself. So sharing here lol

[iz-star]

LaDS random thoughts.

I've seen players saying that they can't see Zayne as a romantic interest cause he resembles or reminds them of their dads or older brothers that are involved in the medical field... Funnily enough, these players always tend to be Rafayel girlies in most cases, and I find it funny cause in my case is kinda like this but opposite places? Rafayel sometimes reminds me to my dad!

Like not only personality wise but also, my dad used to be quite the artist when I was a child. He was a musician and also painted, I remember seeing him paiting a whole ass scene of a guy holding a dying woman in his arms in one of the walls of our rooms, kinda like a greek sculpture style. I think to see him paiting was that inspired me as a kid to learn to draw, altho I have to admit that I've been quite inconsistent about it, especially cause these were always just hobbies and not something that we decided to take professionally; my two brothers dedicated themselves more to music, while I went to the art route just to pass time.

Anyway, the thing is that I've always had this thought in mind and my mom ended up confirming it lol. My family knows I play L&DS cause I have no shame and they hear me yap about it all the time (They don't even know the name of the game or how... Spicy it gets, however), and my mom knows how much I love Zayne, so one day I showed her the three guys (it was before Sylus debut) and asked her to rate their looks from 1 - 10; I showed her Zayne and she said "I give him 100!" (cause she knew he's my favorite ❤️), then I showed her Xavier and she said "80, he kinda looks childish" (he was wearing his hoodie tho, so I suppose for her he looked too young), then I showed her Rafayel and she said without a second thought "200! He looks cool!"

And I was like... "Really? He's your favorite?" She just shrugged her shoulders and said "He's the one I like how he looks like the most"

And listen, is not like Rafayel resembles to my dad physically... Maybe there are some slight similarities, especially with the hair (and I think that's kinda important lol) but I left it like that. After some time, the devs released the lastest outfits of the three guys (The outfits used for 4 stars cards and that were recently released with Sylus debut, I don't remember their names rn, sorry lol) I showed my mom their outfits because I was drooling for Zayne and asked her which one she liked the most. She said Zayne looked nice, Xavier looked like a prince but of course, she liked Rafayel the most, and I was surprised again and asked her if she was being serious, like the previous time, she didn't comment on Xavier but dismissed Zayne cause he looked like a "Mister or Sir" I don't know if these terms fit with what she meant to say tho, cause words in our native language are different, but what she meant to say is that he looked "Too old for her taste" and the way my jaw dropped... I literally told her "You're older than me! You should probably notice him more than me!" We laughed a lot.

At the end I told her that it was curious and funny how she always chose Rafayel cause out of all the guys, he's the one with the role of the artist; my mom laughed. It was probably his vibe, idk but it's clear for me that my mom has a type and if she were to play the game, she'd definitely be a Rafayel girlie ahaha.

To finish this story, unfortunately my parents divorced years ago, you know things irl are more complicated than games and even tho my dad shares some similarities with Rafayel, they're not exactly the same, they have a lot of differences too so It's not complicated for me to see Raf as someone different and not feel weird when I get cute messages from him, however, I think after this is easy to sense how unserious my parents are, no wonder why Zayne's seriousness got me wrapped around his finger since I first interacted with him xD

[thisdreamplace]

i get confused when people say you shouldn’t mix loass and non dualism because i feel like loass cannot be operated as a conscious and consistent practice without nd? why are people acting like it’s blasphemy to recognize how nd facilitates loass? is it that people are understanding loass as ego-based? nd ≠ loass, but to me loass IS nd actioned into a creative practice? help 😫

youre so real for this anon <3

i say, this is why we have to be able to think for ourselves and not just listen to everything people say online. lol bc... youre like... not wrong (and i know a lot of people aint gonna like me for saying that lmfao)

but i remember when nd started to gain popularity and how some accs were SWEARRRRINNNG it has nothing to do w loa and how dare anyone confuse the two. and im just sitting there reading like o___O but theyre literally interwined. and i get why people would want to totally seperate the two, bc no one ever says it, but i think loa scarred/traumatized a lot of us.

its like when everyone first switched from loattraction to loassumption and were like ewww theyre not the same thing dont get them confused !! but it was bc 90% of people at the time had been failed by loattraction and felt like loass was the solution they had been looking for lol and yet, they are the same in ending, different in practice. teaching the same point, in different ways. two different paths with the same destination. nd is like this.

nondualism skips to what the point of loass is, which a lot of people dont see bc they associate loass with manifesting ur desires and that is the ~mainstream~ idea of it. but it is a popular misunderstanding. anyone who has mastered loass has simultaneously succeeded in what nd teaches. with an actual understanding of what loass is, it was never about getting ur desires. it was always about reaching "the promise"... however, people tend to focus much more on the manifesting part, which isnt a problem in loass. its a problem in the people who decided to teach loass. but that was kinda the point. if it werent for knowing about being able to get ur desires, a lot of people wouldnt have listened. but it brought us here, and nd gets to focus on the actual point. the promise. the thing is that manifesting desires has been grossly focused on, and skews the point of loass. lol

the thing is, nd focuses on the end "goal" entirely, so they seem to be different to people who have a mainstream understanding of loass. and there's also semantics, which is entirely fair. for some people, the way loass is explained doesnt click but nd does. and thats why it can make sense to group it seperately, bc they are taught differently. however, once again, you have two different routes leading to the same destination. its not that complicated, but for some reason ppl like to complicate it by calling it a whole new thing. theyre all so delicately intertwined though, and i think thats great. bc we're all different people and we will respond and understand things differently.

so many different roads, simply to lead us back to who we truly are, to wake up from this dream and experience the true self.

so yeah, youre right. and this is why you should learn to trust yourself. :)

"this place is a dream, only a sleeper considers it real. then death comes like dawn, and you wake up laughing at what you thought was your grief." -- rumi

felt like it was relevant to place that here, as that is the exact quote that inspired the name of my blog so many years ago. and rumi is no loass guru, nor nd teacher. and yet, and yet. it just goes to show how interconnected this all is, because of the fact that it all comes from the same source conciousness. <3

xo 🕊🫧

[reds-skull]

Hi sending this as an ask so you can answer it whenever it’s convenient.

The Hunter (and his men) knew way to fucking much about Simon and it was fucking creepy (great job!). The only person I can think of who would have that info and motive to go after Ghost would be Roba. He’d have the knowledge and hatred of Ghost and it would take time to build back his forces after Ghost dismantled them the first time. Turning and placing moles, building up a loyal army with enough money to hire Ghost not to mention the (red)skull motif and his apparent age. I know I’m probably wrong but is fun to guess and I’m super excited to find out what’s going on regardless.

I really liked this fic and I’m sad it’s almost over Ghost and Soaps relationship through the whole fic was handled really well and I think felt organic. From their first meeting (Soap was feral and Ghost didn’t know what to think lol) to Soap repeatedly saving Ghost’s life (metaphorically and literally) to eventually finally trusting each other (and those around them) and realising their mutual feelings.

Gaz is the best friend ever and is not paid nearly enough to put up with Soaps (and now Ghosts) bullshit. The man was ready to throw down if needed but still listened to trusted and trusted Soaps judgment, meanwhile Price is having multiple nervous breakdowns (respect) and is still keeping is children men inline and on task. He feels so guilty about failing Simon and MacTavish when it wasn’t even his fault both times to begin with it was out of his hands. This time though he’ll save them.

It’ll be interesting to see what Laswell turns up with after she finishes hunting down their leak… I almost feel sorry for whoever it was.

I loved the parallels between the story and the snippets of poem, that was so well done and cool! Am I correct in reading that you wrote those poems yourself? Because I didn’t realise till I got to the end note and wow i don’t even have words… I thought they were off some old poetry anthology I’d never head about and was going to look it up to read it.

Hi! Thank you a lot of the kind words <3

I do like your theory about Roba being the Hunter, and I do agree it would be the only logical option for their real identity... if it weren't for the poems.

I'm so happy you found Soap and Ghost's relationship dynamic organic, it was a part I struggled with, and I'm not sure that I managed to execute exactly as I wanted haha

I feel so bad for Gaz and Price in this AU, unfortunately everyone kinda got the short end of the stick with how the turn of events meant the 141 was never fully formed...

I don't plan on showing exactly what happens to the rat Laswell eventually finds, but you can be assured they'll probably suffer. She can definitely be scary when she feels the need to.

And I'm so so glad you mentioned the poems! Yeah, I wrote them but I was heavily inspired by a specific collection of English poems from the 10th century (the correct word for it is a codex actually but it's basically a collection). I'll be going in depth about what exactly is going on there in the post script, because it's basically another story I told in parallel to the main one in the fic. And I'll certainly give the name of the codex so you can read it, it's a little complicated to understand because it had to be translated from Middle English (and apparently every word there can be interpreted in like 3 different ways, not to mention the amount of missing pages and possible mistakes from copyists, but that's part of the course with books from over 1000 years ago...). The stories told there, and the language they used to convey them, is really unique and beautiful in my opinion.

I was kinda sad when no one seemed to bring it up, I figured most people just skipped them or they were just sort of too confusing lol, which is why I'll basically explain what I wanted the reader to understand from them in the post script (which I plan on posting at the same time as the last chapter, unlike with Not Alive, Nor Dead). The post script will also have a timeline for the fic, and how exactly it diverges from canon, as well as the deleted scenes and an extra poem I couldn't fit in the fic.

For now, I'll say the true identity of the Hunter is tied to those poems, and their character wouldn't really make sense if you skip them...

[littlesparklight]

<3 thank you @papillon82fluttersby :D

The Rules: Tag (9) people you want to know better and/or catch up with, then answer the following:

Four ships:

Zeus/Ganymede: feel like it'd be a crime not to start here, haha. I've always been into mythology, but randomly thinking about Ganymede's myth a couple years ago now (that long!!) got me wanting to read Greek myth stuff, and I started with the Iliad (for the Trojan-related angle) and the Bibliotheke, and so. I might currently be more focused elsewhere but this is still my beloved ship <3 You can do so much with them, and, especially, I'd say, by interpreting them as mutually in love. There's obviously other m/m couples in Greek myth and even one of those that at first looks tragic doesn't need to end that way (Apollo/Hyacinthus) but there are so many reasons Zeus/Ganymede is the one that has me by the throat.

Menelaos/Paris: Honestly, looking back I'm not quite sure how I didn't zero in on this one from reading the Iliad itself the first time, because this is definitely one of the flavours of ships I love. This ship is also what led to, first, Helen/Menelaos/Paris for me and then Helen/Paris, because 99% of the time I just don't care at all about het ships. This ship is also why I currently am like I am about Paris! Make no mistake, I didn't hate or dislike him before that, either, like the majority of Tumblr (and elsewhere) seem to do; reading the Iliad I mostly thought him kinda hapless and inoffensive, so going from there and liking him wasn't that big of a step. The possibility of them having bonded during those nine days in Sparta (or in Troy!), going from friends (or more) to enemies with complicated feelings still in the background is just so damn juicy to me.

Carmilla/Laura: original novella flavour! One day I hope to do a rewrite/retelling of my own, that would definitely end with Laura going or otherwise together with Carmilla, one way or another. The way Carmilla talks to/about Laura and what they feel for each other is just. so great. The caterpillar quote. The one about Laura loving her or hating her, and especially "love will have its sacrifices; no sacrifice without blood". And you know. The boob-biting to feed is extremely inspired and very hot, even if Le Fanu undoubtedly didn't mean it that way. I don't care. They're mine now. :)

Darth Vader & Luke Skywalker: Since I am so deeply into gen&family ships aside from romantic/sexual shipping, it feels, again, like a crime not to mention these two. The ST might have broken the back of my fannish engagement in SW currently, but these two? I love them. I love Luke's impossible and earnest belief in his father's inherent goodness, I love that fucking scene at the end of ESB where Vader reaches out and Luke reflexively, despite everything, says 'father?' HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE IT???

Last song: Oh, uhh... I don't remember, but it's possible it was Teeth by 5 Seconds of Summer (happens to be one of my Helen/Paris songs for late war lol). I end up listening to a row of songs while drawing, sometimes (which is the only time I can listen to music and actually do something else at the same time), but it could have been another one, just as well.

Currently reading: Iliaden - en cover, by Dimitrios Iordanoglou, which is a (pretty heavily, sometimes) abridged and modernized version of the Iliad where the language is extremely slangy sometimes and the setting has been moved into "present day". Everyone uses guns and stuff. Apollo's main epithet is now "the Bomber" lol and he uses bombs and grenades. It's both extremely fun(ny) and really interesting, even if the language used sometimes make me wince even when I get why he's chosen it. But it's exactly because I know the changes he's made etc. that makes it extra interesting. When he keeps lines word-for-word from the Iliad they both stick out and fit in very well and it's interesting to see that, too. Also, and much longer than the above, is Paris in the Epic Tradition : a Study in Homeric Techniques of Characterization by Roberto Nickel, his thesis from 1997! I've mentioned it before; Nickel is exploring the possibility of the Iliad having changed/presented Paris (a lot) differently from how he might have been in traditional oral epic material. It's really interesting!

Last movie: Dungeon and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves! Loved it, a lot of fun, and despite how long it was, it all moved along at a good clip, nothing dragged.

Craving: Uh... :C Fics/art for my rare pairs? lol

Tagging: @a-gnosis @battlinghurricanes @crowlilies @my-name-is-apollo @scribeprotra @kebriones

[ambalambs]

Back with another Miko question! I know Miko is a bard but does he like to play for others or does he play mostly for himself? What's his favorite instrument to play, can he play more than one? Do you have a playlist or any certain songs that you could see him playing (or playing a FFXIV version of, e.g. replacing names of places or gods with ones from XIV?)

Okay so this one is a bit complicated for me to answer I think cuz this is kinda a topic about Miko I get a little nervous about lol music is a huge part of his character and I always get a little worried I make this part of him a little dumb. But alas I'm just gonna, as they say, yolo this so enjoy lol

But yes yes yes! Miko loves playing for people! He will play for the sheer entertainment to get people into the music and dance or he'll just play to keep someone company. He doesnt mind and he's usually pretty good on judging the situation and what is appropriate. but he does also play for himself, yes. especially if he is a bit down, but he'll mostly just play cuz he can and its something to do and he likes it. he also hums a lot which might drive some people nuts but at least its pretty lol

His best instrument is his voice, of course xD but no really his favorite is the violin! I see miko being strangely skilled at picking up just about any instrument tbh. all he needs to do is listen and watch someone play it for a moment and he can easily just fall right in and follow along. like the morin khuur from the steppe i just see him having gone big eye zoomies on the people playing those at the time cuz he'd never seen them before and was itching to give them a try lol (tbh im kinda thinking his music skill is probably something he inherited from his azem. that guy was probably coming up with insane songbird concepts and shoving them at hythlodaeus and the poor guy would have to tell him to chill out lol) but miko leans more towards string instruments like the violin, harp, guitar. something about the quickness of the fingers and the violin having a bow tickles him cuz he also wields a bow in battle lol but he's always down to playing anything given the opportunity. but yeah okay this is long winded but if miko has to pick one instrument as his go to its a violin and his voice.

which okay now as for songs im gonna drop some links here and pray they dont break. i do have a playlist for him but its a mess of inspirations and random songs that just make me think of him and i feel kinda weird linking it so im just gonna pick out a few that are big inspirations for him. which first off miko has huge celtic violin/fiddle vibes so if youre ever curious what miko would just play offhand just look up any of that xD

a song that ive always felt is very HIM since the very beginning has been Andrew's Song by End of Silence. i can just always picture him singing something like this for some reason about his journey. it also kinda sounds like a younger miko, perhaps arr time when he's just starting off, which i like lol

next i kinda find lindsey stirling's violin style to be a big inspiration for him especially Between Twilight. this one is especially something he'd play on the violin just to play. not to perform or anything but just the natural miko music, if that makes sense lol

as for when playing other instruments i basically see him being like this and this where he can just basically use the whole instrument to make any kind of song or just play anything with ease. also really love the idea of him being so quick with a lot of them like that xD

now this is where i get a little embarrassed cuz i do actually have a singing voice claim for miko and its that peter hollens guy on youtube. which has the range and very disney prince-esque sound to it. i'll link his version of Sleepsong here for quick reference cuz i do really like that song as like an example of a lullaby his real mom wouldve sang to him when he was little. also speaking of lullabies with mom i like imagining The Song from Song of the Sea as basically what baby miko singing with his mom would be like lol

now as for some songs that i just especially associate with him as a little bonus here i think this version of Into the Unknown would basically be miko's pre-shadowbringers song he'd sing at the exarch if ffxiv was a musical LOL and then for rage miko (because he does have a deep anger in him i mean what wol doesnt? lol) definitely Burn by 2WEI. and lastly, just gonna toss this one out there too, but i really like this version of The Musician as like basically something maybe his Azem and Hydaelyn would sing to him as a prayer i dunno lol

but okay *wheezes* i hope that covers enough lol now im gonna hide in the shadows again >_>;

[roosterbox]

Stripper Steve/Writer Eddie

Inspired by my results from a NSFW generator tweet, lol. This is just a brainstorming session, mainly so I can put SOMETHING in my WIP folder for this idea.

Said results were: Stripper Steve, Writer Eddie, At a Gay Bar, Size Kink. Simple enough. It could be either a smutty PWP one-shot, or a smutty epic romance. I could see it going either way, but I never met a story I couldn’t spice up by adding romantic clichés.

So Writer!Eddie meets Stripper!Steve at a gay bar. Sparks fly, as they often do. Eddie has a bit of a size kink, and loves how strong and muscular Steve is compared to him. They talk a little bit about their respective professions (especially Steve, who wants to nip any anti-sex work or anti-stripper bias Eddie may have in the bud as quick as possible. He’s been slut-shamed about it way too many times to count; Eddie’s cool with it), and decide to head back to Eddie’s place to have sex. Turns out Eddie has a huge dick, and Steve has a size kink too.

[if this was a PWP one-shot, this is where it would end. But I love to complicate things, lol, and so it continues…]

Initially, the plan is just for a one night stand, but of course, this is Steddie, and they can’t get enough of each other. They start meeting up semi-regularly. And it’s not just sex either. Sometimes they have dinner beforehand. Sometimes one of them spends the night and stays for breakfast. It doesn’t take long for them to develop, ugh, FEELINGS. Eddie, who’s been in a bit of a creative dry spell lately, finds himself able to write again. Sometimes he’ll even read Steve a few passages from his novel in progress (Steve, who is semi-dozing beside him in bed, is only half-listening, but tells him it sounds good).

But eventually, because romance story cliché, some wires get crossed. Maybe Steve realizes he’s catching feelings (caught feelings, really - these boys are down BAD), and breaks things off. Maybe they both say hurtful things they don’t mean. It’s easy to be hurt when you’ve fallen so hard.

Some time later (idk, a year? Don’t press me for details, I’m spitballing here, lol), Eddie’s book comes out. Bestseller, naturally. It’s not specifically a love story, but the love is practically dripping off every page (not like that, ya nasty). It’s textual, but also abstract and symbolic. It’s painfully obvious to anyone who reads it that Eddie was in love, but it didn’t work out. Someone (Robin? Yeah, Robin) lends Steve the book and tells him to read it. Because she is wise and knows all. He does, and is incredibly touched and emotional about it. Because even though people have been teasing him for being “just a pretty face” his whole life (which he’s not of course), even Steve can read between the lines. In fact, he even recognizes a few lines in the book from Eddie reading them to him in bed. Said lines are essentially a love confession. And Steve realizes that even though he might have fucked up worse than anyone has ever fucked up in their life, he needs to see Eddie again. Even if Eddie ends up slamming the door in his face, which he’d deserve, he must.

At Eddie’s place, Eddie doesn’t immediately slam the door, but it’s a near thing. Steve starts off by telling him he read the book. That it was amazing. Talks about the symbolism. Talks about how much he related to the main characters (especially the one obviously based on himself). He’s rambling, a bit nervous and awkward, but it eventually becomes him talking about his own feelings. Getting a bit worked up. There may be a heartfelt apology in there somewhere. He’s essentially baring his entire heart and soul right there on Eddie’s doorstep.

Eddie, for his part, is cold to Steve at first. Which is understandable - he got his heart broken, after all. But the more Steve rambles, the softer Eddie gets, until he can feel tears pricking at his eyes.

“Um,” Steve says, finally losing steam after god knows how long, “well. That’s it I guess. Sorry to just show up here. I’ll let you get back to what you’re doing. I’ll see you around…” That last bit said with the air of ‘I know we’ll probably never see each other again.’

He turns to leave, already planning to head to Robin’s place to raid her ice cream freezer and cry, but before he gets even once step, Eddie grabs him. Pulls him inside. Shuts the door. Practically shoves him against it. He’s surprisingly strong for how skinny he is, as Steve had found out early in their…interactions.

“Steven Middle Name Harrington,” he growls, but he’s smiling. “You are, without a doubt, the single most insufferable human being I have ever met in my life. You leave your dirty socks on the floor, you let dishes sit for too long, your hair clogs the drain more than mine - which, how is that even possible? You have more beauty products than a cosmetics department, you snore like a lumberjack, and you can barely cook anything more advanced than instant ramen. And-“ he pauses. Steve winces; he’s torn because Eddie’s words sound angry, but he’s still smiling? Was that a tear? “And I love you so much it’s made me stupid because here I am, with you in my house again, in my arms, and all I want to do is kiss you silly.”

Steve smiles, letting his tears fall freely now. They both are. He reaches over to cup Eddie’s face in his hands.

“Don’t hold back on my account,” he tries to tease, but to Eddie it sounds more like “I love you too.”

The kiss feels like coming home. A very wet and salty coming home perhaps, but a homecoming nonetheless.

[allylikethecat]

hi! im new to your blog and discovered you through your Matty/Taylor fake dating fic and I just loved it. I hope you update it soon because the fic is perfect. I'm fairly new to caring about Matty (and by extension Matty/Taylor) because TTPD made me so fascinated by how messy they seemed. TTPD got me to read fanfic about them which previously only happened with Haylor (my beloved) and Tayvis. I think Matty has joined my list of Taylor's muses that I actually am interested in.

Following from that, do you have any recommendations for the 1975 songs? I'm not sure where to start.

Also, very excited to see Fictional!George meet Fictional!Taylor.

Hello and welcome! Thank you so much for reading 😊 I'm so happy to hear that you're enjoying You Know Where the City Is! Unfortunately, I'm not entirely sure when or if I'm going to be updating YKWTCI again. I've been having a lot of complicated feelings about Taylor lately and am currently not a huge fan of hers anymore- more power to the people that are, and I think she's incredibly talented, she's just not really for me anymore at the moment. I'm not saying inspiration won't strike and that I won't update it again, I just don't really have any kind of time line for it at the moment.

I also feel like I need to add a disclaimer that I really, really, really dislike Kelce and have for a very, very long time. (He's a fucking glorified oversized wide receiver and should not be part of the tight end conversations because he doesn't play the position fully- you will not be changing my mind on this I have the stats to back me up. Gronk is the greatest tight end of all time because he PLAYED THE POSITION FULLY and also Kelce only has success when runs the routes that are literally referred to as GRONK ROUTES because they where created for / popularized BY GRONK) I am a sports girlie at heart, I love football, and I hate the Chiefs so much.

In terms of The 1975 songs - WOW this feels like being asked to pick my favorite child lol I'd say start with their first self titled album and then move through the discography in chronological order. That's how I did it back in the dark ages (I didn't have a choice their self titled album was their only album when I started listening to them lol) BUT in terms of my favorites at this particular moment - it's always changing:

The 1975 - The City, Robbers, Menswear, Me, You

ILIWYS - Change of Heart, The Ballad of Me and my Brain, Lostmyhead, The Sound

A Brief Inquiry - Sincerity Is Scary, Love It If We Made It, It's Not Living, Inside Your Mind

Notes on a Conditional Form (Justice for Notes) - People, Frail State of Mind, The Birthday party, Road Kill, Me & You Together Song, I Think There's Something You Should Know, Tonight (I Wish I Was Your Boy), Nothing Revealed / Everything Denied, Guys

Being Funny In a Foreign Language - Happiness, Part of the Band, All I Need to Hear, About You, When We Are Together

Honorable mention because they're not technically on the albums: Medicine and Milk

Thank you SO MUCH for reading and for sending this ask my way! I hope you have a chance to check out some of my other fics and that you enjoy them as well. I also apologize if this isn't the answer you're looking for, and hopefully I will eventually get back to YKWTCI. If you ever want to chat about the boys, don't hesitate to reach out, they are one of my favorite topics of discussion lol I hope you are having a lovely Tuesday and that you have a fantastic rest of your week!

❤️Ally

[picnokinesis]

Ahhhhh Yazs last chapter! I loved it and was surprised how easily the Doctor came out to her about being genderqueer and her pronouns, because I expected her to be a bit dodgy about the subject, maybe the conversation with Jack helped her a lot. I kinda hoped that she would tell Yaz about her former name, John, but baby steps LOL. AND RIVER YEEESSSSS. I didnt know that she visited her, I can imagine that River wasnt exactly happy to see her but it is cute that she gave her that mixtape awwww

Ahhh thank you so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!

You know, it's quite funny with the Doctor, but honestly I think that there are so many other things on her mind at the moment, so many things that she is actively avoiding talking about, that talking about her gender and sexuality is relatively easy territory HAHA! But also I think it has a LOT to do with the context of the conversation. For a start, Yaz came out first, and in my personal experience (which a lot of that conversation was inspired by honestly haha) it is SIGNIFICANTLY easier to come out to someone who has also just come out to you, because it suddenly becomes less of a terrifying thing and much more a 'oh my days we're family' thing, which is really lovely. And you can be a lot more frank about it too, and more open about the complexity of the whole thing, because this is another queer person who will most likely get where you're coming from in a way that a cis straight person probably wouldn't so much.....so I think, for the Doctor, that has a lot to do with it. But I also think Yaz really went about it the right way too, which helped a lot - she didn't try and put any names on what the Doctor experienced, and just left it open for her to say what she wanted. And this helped the Doctor a lot, because she honestly doesn't know in some ways, and in others it's ended up being a bit complicated. But you'll see all of that in a lot more detail from the Doctor's side when you get her pov of that scene!

You are right, though, in that there are definitely times when the Doctor would have been more cagey about this sort of thing - and I think that would have been if she'd felt like she needed to give a clear cut answer, or felt like she was being pressured to explain it all more than she feels comfortable with. There is a lot that she doesn't say to Yaz. There is a lot that she doesn't say in general, actually, which is partly why her section is significantly longer than anyone else's haha (as well as the fact that she sleeps less than everyone else sksk)

About the name John, though - well, unfortunately, at this stage in the story, she will definitely not talk to ANYONE about that, and it's because it's all entangled in the past she can't really remember. It's a direct thread pulling back on everything between her and Koschei and she...isn't dealing well, let's say.

AND THIS IS GETTING LONG BUT YES RIVER!! Oh, River.....yeah, that meeting in 2018 was really complicated. I feel like it was significantly more difficult for River than for the Doctor, who just had no context for anything. But I really wanted them to meet like that, because it's meant to be a parallel between that moment in River's first episode in the show, where she looks at the Doctor and he just does not know her at all. The album that she recced though, in case it wasn't clear, wasn't in 2018, but way back when they were sort-of-dating - and as I said in the ask I just answered, it was because it resonated with her a lot and she thought it would resonate with the Doctor too. If you haven't listened to it, I do recommend it actually because it's a GORGEOUS album and very raw in places.

Sidenote - not sure if you saw the asks I replied to about campervan!River aaages back, but if not, they're here and here!

[total-serene560]

Hi! question 2 for A Strange Education :)

2. How did you get the idea to write this?

Oh okay this is a complicated one for me to answer! Originally I actually just pictured the highway scene alone in August 2022 (I believe it was the first thing I ever wrote for ST). I’d been listening to You Found Me by The Fray and The Ghosts of Beverly Drive by Death Cab For Cutie. I’d also just read Cosmonaut and I really found the idea of all the supernatural stuff happening to Mike interesting (though honestly the fic I’m working on has very very vague similarities at best to that at this point lol). Originally the story had the characters being over 18 and it was unrelated to any of the upside down stuff at all, also the Byers lived in NY state. The idea fizzled out (I just couldn’t make a plot happen) and so I left it until February 2023, at which point I was inspired by Go Farther In Lightness by Gang of Youths (the original title!) , A Strange Education by The Cinematics, Old River by Middle Kids, and two songs by Manchester Orchestra; I’ve Got Friends and Simple Math. That clicked the whole idea into place, but I tried to fit it into the original framework so it just made telling it awkward and frustrating. I realized how I needed to restructure the story and some plot beats I needed to change after sitting with it for a while, reading up on plot structure, rewatching some of the show, and listening to The Maze by Manchester Orchestra and The Shaking of Leaves by Into It. Over it. (I also condensed the plot down to take place from 1986-1988 in total).

So yeah, a lot of music, a good amount of studying, and a lot of time just marinating the idea in my brain to end up at the current iteration of the fic that I’m still outlining!

[oregano-gremlin]

ask game! 🎯🤩💘💭🎬

🎯 Do you have a writing milestone you’re working towards?

i'm working on finishing out my current wip, and getting it up to a nice even 10k. more generally, my current total word count of posted works is about 30k, but i hope to get it in the six figures by the end of the year.

🤩 What led to your interest in the fandom?

i watched death note for the first time a few years ago, and i liked it, but i didn't really get obsessed with it like i am now. recently, i ended up stuck at home for about a month with schedule reasons meaning that everyone i knew irl was busy, and bingewatched the entire show again. this time, i got really into it, and since i had already started writing fic, i decided to try my hand at writing some death note stuff after finishing my previous wip.

💘 Is it easier to write angst or fluff?

oooh this one is complicated lmao,,, i am a bit of a pantser, but i normally have very lighthearted story ideas in the beginning, which get weirdly angsty in the middle, before i finish the fic and take it back to fluff. i would say angst is easier, though!

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

a lot of stuff, but for death note fics, i'd say the musical inspires me the most out of all the adaptations. i especially like the ending, and if i ever want to write a sad ending for them, i am 100% stealing it from the musical. i also have a playlist of songs that remind me of death note and its characters! it's mostly sadder songs, since i mostly listen to sadder songs, which might be a factor in all my wips turning into angst lol.

🎬 If a movie or show were based on your fic, which fic would you choose and who would you fancast?

i'd probably choose teenagers, since it's the one i'm currently working on! when i finish it, i have an idea for a longfic (remisa fantasy au) that i'm really excited about, but i have a problem with getting ahead of myself and starting a new fic right before i finish up my last. since the main cast is light, L, mello, matt and near, I would probably go with the actors from the japanese stage recording of the musical for light and L, and for near, i would probably go with his actor from the drama (hopefully with a slightly better wig). i'm not sure who i would choose for mello and matt, though.

thanks for sending this!

[crescenthoax]

I will never love again 1: What inspired you to write the fic this way? 2: Which scene did you put on first? 3: What is your favorite plot? 4: What's your favorite line of dialogue? 5: Which part was hardest to write? 6: What is your fic special or different from all your other fics? 7: Where did the title come from? 8: Did any real person or event inspire any part of this? 9: Was there an alternate version of this fic? 10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story? 11: What do you like most about this fic? 12: What do you like least about this fic? 13: What song did you hear that made you want to write this story? Or if you haven't heard anything yet, what do you think readers should hear to keep us reading? 14: Is there anything you would like readers to learn from reading this fic? 15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

Oh jesus christ. Okay let’s see, I’ll try to be as brief as possible.

1. I guess I just wrote what I would like to read. Back in october, there weren't any Aegon fics (mostly Aemond x niece/sister), and I thought I would be happy writing for us Aegon enthusiasts since there was too much hate around.

2. The first scene I wrote was teenage Aegon meeting teenage Annika (with some Rhys foreshadowing as well), but at the last minute I decided I didn’t want them to be familiar with each other or have any preconceptions when they got married, so I went for the original prologue.

3. Annika in Rhaenyra’s court, 100%. I adore her entire internal struggle and the person she’s becoming.

4. Ughh either the “your love is a curse” “then you must be a curse breaker” bit or the “hair grows back, your dead children don’t”.

5. You know what, I have the hardest time writing happy/fluffy moments, like grief comes naturally but the entire love plot I tend to overthink it a lot because I don't want to make it cheesy, and to be honest, I don't think I'm very good at it. Lately, though, it's the entire war plot that's getting on my last nerve.

6. Definitely the fact that I've never gotten this far with any of my other works. I'm so committed to it and to the characters that I don't know what I'm going to do once it's finished.

7. I think it was that the 1975 song happiness one of my friends kept singing and it stuck with me for WEEKS, then I had an epiphany while listening to cowboy like me by taylor swift and here we are.

8. There’s a lot of me in Annika and there’s a lot of my trauma and my love and my friends and my life but no one is inspired in no one.

9. Never. A drama queen with intimacy issues and a pathetic wimpy mess full of rage were my ride or die since day one.

10. I wanted to write something real and raw, someone who unapologetically made mistakes, and my boy failure Aegon was a perfect match for it. Besides I feel like all of you just… Get it in the way I wanted you to get it. It wouldn’t work if Annika was paired with Aemond for example. It had to be them.

11. The family dynamics. I love the fact that the green brothers found not just love but a real family with the girls. They might have their differences, but at the end of the day, they're all they have.

12. That I put on a lot of detail and made it too complicated and sometimes it’s hard to keep up.

13. I don’t think is just one in particular but a bunch of sad indie songs glued together. I’m gonna make a playlist someday.

14. Oh it actually terrifies me that someone might learn something from this flawed story but I guess that’s a good point, that you’re valid and deserving of love no matter how much you believe otherwise.

15. Yeah that I am insane lol.

[twwpress]

Creator Spotlight #18: BimadaBomily

Welcome back to our TWW Creator Spotlight! For every spotlight, we’ll ask each featured creator the same ten questions as well as select questions submitted on twitter. This week, we’re chatting with @bimadabomily on twitter and on ao3. We are so excited to see these answers, so let's get right to it!

1) What are your top 5 desert island TWW fics? 

I Want It All Or Nothing, No More In Between by scarmophogoghs. When I tell you this fic had me waiting impatiently for updates every Sunday and Wednesday like it was primetime TV. Hawaii fics are my wheelhouse so this one was just SO perfect and such a gift to the fandom. Every time I rewatch Transition I immediately scour the internet for Hawaii stuff to fill in the blanks and now that I have this one I know where I’ll turn! https://archiveofourown.org/works/38071159

 Oversight by thefinestmuffins. I really enjoyed that one and I’m not really usually an AU/canon divergent person but I read this one and was SO into it and could not wait for the updates! https://archiveofourown.org/works/38170111

 can’t call you a stranger (but I can’t call you) by joshatella (shuuuliet). Okay so I know I said I’m not usually a canon divergent person but KING CORN ELEVATOR FICS are exempt. Or any King Corn fix-it/divergance. I was so excited when I saw that this “trapped in an elevator” prompt was used for King Corn and if you’re on a desert island you need a King Corn fix-it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/37133149

 something good and right and real by swancharmings. When I first read this one I said this IS exactly what happened on the walk or something, no questions asked. It is canon. https://archiveofourown.org/works/36250696

 let’s give ‘em pumpkin to talk about by thotsandfeelings. Okay basically anything by thotsandfeelings but if I have to pick one to represent I pick this one! Halloween, Josh in baseball pants, chiefs of staff era. Yes. https://archiveofourown.org/works/27310273

2) Do you have a favorite character to write? Favorite ship(s) to write? Are there characters or ships you'd like to write more of?

My favorite ship to write for in The West Wing is Josh/Donna. I think Josh is my favorite character to write. He’s so messy and complicated, haha. I love to write Josh as a dad and their kids as well (original characters, which is something I never really clicked with writing until this fandom). Sometimes I start a fic thinking it’s J/D but ends up more being about Dad Josh or family feels.

I’d like to write, or include, more Sam/Ainsley. I always try to throw a little Sam/Ainsley in there because I think I could’ve totally shipped them and they had potential had she stayed. But I don’t have their voices down enough to do it so I just usually throw vague references in to allude to them being together. 

 3) Tell us about your creative process (setup/location? Night or day? Snacks/beverages? Computer/phone/notebook? Music or silence? Anything else you want to share is welcome!)

Whenever inspiration strikes! I’m a teacher, so I really get going during breaks when I have a lot of downtime. I’d say my usual fave writing time is the weekends- could be day or night. I usually write while sitting on my couch. I always write on my computer. Fun fact: when I first started writing fic I could NOT write it on the computer. I’d write it out on paper and then type it up. I guess that’s a sign of being “old” in the fandom world! Gradually, I transitioned to just being computer based lol. There have been many days when I get going on something and I just sit and write all day on a weekend or day off of work… the best! Sometimes if a line or scene hits me, I jot it down in the notes app on my phone before I forget it… the amount of times I’ve said “Oh I won’t forget that one!” and then try and fail to remember what my great idea was later. I can’t really listen to music (it distracts me) unless it’s related to what I’m writing somehow. Sometimes I do put on the show in the background to get the vibes and hear the voices.

I read and reread and reread my stuff over and over and add little things each time. I also like to post it as a draft on AO3 and read it through that way to see how it will look published to get the feel of it as a published fic.

Something fun I do for myself as a little wink to myself is I always try to work in one “Donnatella” mention in each TWW fic.

 4) What writing advice do you have for others who may be reading this?

Write for yourself and then put it out there in case someone likes it. I think you just have to be true to yourself! If you really feel an idea, go for it. No matter how out there, how unconventional, how AU it might be. It might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but there’s someone out there who will love it and you will love it too!

Also, take your time with things. The more I reread my stuff and add to it the better it gets. Sometimes I just want to post but I know it’ll be better with a few more run throughs, so I have to be patient.

 5) From where do you usually draw your inspiration? (Other forms of media, music, tropes, etc?)

usually come up with my ideas when I’m trying to get to sleep and my mind wanders or in the shower or something lol. A little moment or line or scene or idea will pop into my head and I run with it from there. So, I guess, my imagination? Or sometimes (a lot of the time?) it’s to fill in blanks or things I wish we’d seen. Occasionally I’ll be inspired by music, but I never (I don’t think?) write traditional “song fics.” If I write something from a song, I mostly take the premise of the song and run with it. I wrote a West Wing fic based off of “Paper Rings” by Taylor Swift and more recently a Psych fic based off of “Living My Best Life” by Ben Rector. I try to listen to the story the song is telling and turn it into a fic and maybe throw a few Easter eggs of lines from the song in there.

 6) What is the fic/edit you've written/created that you're most proud of and why? 

Ohh, this is hard. I got a LOT of great feedback on “The First 100 Days.” It was one of the first few fics I wrote for TWW and Josh/Donna, though, and sometimes I feel like I wrote them better a while later. I sometimes think about going back and beefing it up. But I’m really proud of it because of how much people loved it. And it was a big undertaking which I totally underestimated (I originally envisioned writing all 100 moments in one chapter lol no way) and it was a ton of fun summer 2021, I worked on it almost every day that summer.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31995130/chapters/79248106

Really thinking about this question though, I kept coming back to “i like shiny things (but i’d marry you with paper rings).” Which was not the story I thought I’d pick for this answer. But it started as a tiny moment I envisioned after listening to, obviously, Paper Rings by Taylor Swift. Then it really took on a life of its own and became a big and (I think!) cohesive one-shot put together entirely from a few stray moments that popped into my head when listening to the song. It was quite a task to make it all into one cohesive story and tie all the moments together without (I hope!!!) making it seem cheesy or boring. I also really enjoyed bringing in so many other characters – both Bartlet admin and Santos admin, and making it work having them all together, and having to write more voices than just Josh/Donna. It was a little out of my comfort zone in those ways but I like how it came together.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36783112

 7) What's the fic trope/concept/AU you'd read 1000 of? What's the fic trope/concept/AU you'd write 1000 of?

For reading and writing both I tend to always gravitate towards post-series stuff, for all my fandoms. I think I always crave seeing what happened “next.” I also tend to read stuff that takes place after the ship is already together. Once they’re together in canon, I don’t tend to mess with it (whether I liked how it was done or not!) I just like to go from there.

For West Wing specifically – and I don’t know if this would be considered a trope but I guess it’s a concept – love Hawaii/that transition time period/co-chiefs of staff era stuff. And future/present day. I think it’s so fun how as a fandom there’s a collective headcanon about Josh/Donna’s future and we all sort of write into that and it makes it feel real.

Trope of all tropes would probably be - stuck together somewhere. Especially elevators.

 8) Is there anything you'd like to try writing-wise/video editing-wise that you haven't yet?

One thing I haven’t done in West Wing yet is a multi-chapter fic of some sort. I’d like to try that one day. I wrote several of those in the Gilmore Girls fandom (one I think was post-series and the others were my “what would happen?” take after season finales). Those got lost when the GG fic site went down. That might be one thing I’d like to try for West Wing, but the inspiration has to strike!

 9) What's your go-to Starbucks/coffee shop/other drink order?

My newest thing at Starbucks is an iced caffe americano with almond milk. I do enjoy a caramel macchiato from time to time. What I’m most consistent with, though, is my turkey bacon breakfast sandwich! You can also catch me drinking peppermint mochas, sugar cookie lattes, pumpkin cold brews, whatever the holiday flavor is during the appropriate season!

 10) Do you have any current projects you'd like to promote or anything upcoming you'd like to tell us about?

I haven’t written much since the summer (so THANK you for still featuring me and to the people who submitted questions! I feel like some people must be wondering, “Who is THAT?”) so right now that I’m off work and trying to catch up on various one-shot ideas I had that I never posted/finished.

I had intended to get something up that was Christmas-y, but didn’t make it in time for Christmas. Whoops! I’m still planning to work on it in the next few weeks. It’s sort of a “spin off” of the one-shot I just posted recently about Josh and Donna’s second child being born on Christmas Eve. It will be snippets of her Christmas Eve birthday throughout the years.

I’ve sort of set a goal for myself for the new year (which very quickly may go by the wayside, who knows) to write something each month and maybe even dip back into some other fandoms if I feel the calling.

 Submitted questions:

From @S4MWILS0N: fave ship, platonic duo, season, episode, plot arc ? fave outfit, one liner, side character? actor you’d most like to meet irl? media to cross over with tww ? underrated character and or ship ? fave concept/convention from tww fanon ? one thing to change abt tww canon?

Fave ship: Josh/Donna

Platonic duo: Josh & Sam and also love Charlie & Jed!

Season: Season 2

Episode: It’s so hard to pick ONE and I have thought about this extensively, so it’s probably In The Shadow of Two Gunman (I always get goosebumps at the hospital scene and the drama and then there’s also the flashbacks!) with 20 Hours in America a close second (the HUMOR). (Honorable mentions to Noel, 17 People, Election Day 1&2, and Two Cathedrals. See how I got like 9 episodes in there? LOL.)

Plot arc: The Gaza arc. But I also have a big soft spot for the campaign arc in s6/7.

Fave outfit: Big fan of Josh’s sweater and jeans in 17 People orrrr, more akin to what I think this question is asking: CJ’s dress in Galileo or Donna’s Holy Night sweater because it’s just a comforting vibe.

One liner: This is so, so, random: When Josh greets Donna with “Zaoshang hao, Donnatella” in 6.07 A Change is Gonna Come. I kept repeating it for days.

And of course, “Can we HAVE a civilization?!” Kills me every time.

Side character: Margaret!

Actor you’d most like to meet irl? Brad, because I was so, so sad when I was supposed to see him in A Christmas Carol last year and then my performance was in the group of canceled ones. I have met Josh Malina irl and he is a super nice guy.

Media to crossover with TWW? Psych! Something has to be played on from that scene where Gus sees a photo of Martin Sheen and says, “Papa?!” lolol.

Underrated character and/or ship? I LOVE the Santos campaign characters and admin. Like, I would’ve totally watched another season based around them. I would’ve loved to have seen Matt/Helen as president and first lady. So Matt/Helen for ship (though I know they do get some love) and maybe character – Lou? I think they brought a lot to the show in their own ways but when people think about TWW those are the last characters/ships that would come to mind.

Fave concept/convention from TWW fanon? I LOVE that as a fandom it is completely canon now that J/D go to Hawaii after Transition. Like, that’s never specified in the show whatsoever but it is completely accepted and valid in the entire fandom and no one thinks twice about where the destination was. I’ve never seen anything like that in a fandom before.

One thing to change about canon? The leak storyline. Which I’m sure many have said SO to change it up- I really wish the last line of the series had been, “What’s next?” instead of “Tomorrow.” It was right there. 

“When I say ‘What’s next,’ it means I’m ready to move on.” And then… we move on.

From @jessbakescakes: If you could write an episode of TWW that takes place today, what would you include?

This is such a fun question! I think I would definitely have to include how technology and social media have come into play today. I can just imagine the spiral that CJ or Josh would go into over a Tweet or some photo of a member of the senior staff acting questionable being captured and posted by someone in the public. If we think Josh went nuts engaging with the fans on Lemon Lyman imagine what he’d do on Twitter when it’s about politics and policy. Of course, Donna has to keep him off Twitter. Maybe she changes his passwords all the time so he can’t get in and it’s like a running joke.

From the editors: Describe your writing style in 10 words or less! (We know this is hard for a Sorkin fandom, where we use 50 words to say what we could say in 25.)  

I like to create the moments we never saw.

 From the editors (borrowed from a past Q&A, originally asked by @jessbakescakes): Is there a fic that you’ve written that started out in one spot and ended up in a wildly different place? If so, which one and how did it evolve? 

This is a great question! I don’t think I have any fic that went wildly different, but when I wrote “Our Family Has Grown By Four Feet,” https://archiveofourown.org/works/38420989 it was meant to be a little one-shot in my one-shot collection. I mentioned in another story a little passing remark of how the Moss-Lyman family adopted their dog and I decided to write that out. But it took on a life of its own and became its own standalone story instead.

Another one is “Guess I Always Knew This Day Was Coming” https://archiveofourown.org/works/34028611 which I wrote for @jessbakescakes in an exchange. It is one of my least favorite things I’ve written and I always wish I’d given her a better gift! I changed direction with that one a LOT of times. It started out being more Josh/Donna centric but was one of the first stories I wrote that became more of a Josh study - it became more about Josh and his mom.

 From the editors (borrowed from a past Q&A, initially asked by @sinistercherubs): what’s your dream bottle episode plot for tww? anything you desire, nothing is stopping them.

I LOVE bottle episodes. Those are always my faves in many fandoms. I’m totally just creating this answer on a whim (and will probably think of something better, later!) but I really have a lot of love for both the Bartlet and the Santos admin characters. So I’d love an episode where they’re all together and we can see how they would all interact. Maybe something during the transition phase where they’re all meeting together to overcome some issue. Obviously Toby should be included too so we will erase the leak storyline (as it should be).

I want to say thank you so much for featuring me! I know I haven’t been super active writing lately, so I really appreciate being featured. In fact, this has inspired me a bit to get back into it! I’m always lurking on twitter though! @bimadabomily

Happy New Year!!!

Thanks again to BimadaBomily for chatting with us! And thank you to everyone who submitted questions! If you’d like to be featured in a future Creator Spotlight, send us a message on tumblr, email weeklypressbriefing@gmail.com, or DM us on twitter!

xx, What’s Next?

[ggukkieland]

📕BTS Fic Reads - 2021 March pt. 1

I appreciate all these fics as they’ve provided me comfort, distraction, etc during these times. So thank you dear authors. Sending you love 💖

If you end up checking the fics in this list, please don’t forget to show appreciation by reblogging or giving positive feedback to these authors 🥰.

Note: if link doesn’t work, click on author and go to their masterlist

��� Ongoing - most recent chapter [as of date this list was posted] 🥕 Completed - completed one shots | series 🥕 S - smut | F - fluff | A - angst 🌷 with commentary on completed fics (if reading these help)

--- Some are new, some re-reads, while some are past reads that haven’t been reblogged yet. Mostly mature.

🥕[Ongoing Series] - Social Media AUs (SMAUs)

Catching Feelings @na-na-na-nanna​ - MYG | smau | Goblin!Yoongi, Fantasy, must kiss humans to gain human emotions | Crack, F, A, S [12/?]

Cursed @bloomsuga​ - KTH | smau with written parts | Supernatural AU, Witch!Taehyung, Cursed!Reader | Crack, F, S, slight A ! [3/?]

Just Facts @yoongiiverse​ - JJK | smau | Rich Idol!jungkook, Model Dancer!Reader, Enemies to Lovers | Crack, F [5/?]

Kinda Hot @kimnjss​ - KTH | smau with written parts  | Campus Flirt!taehyung, Bestfriend!Reader, Bestfriend AU, College AU | S, F, A [15/?]

Made of Honor @suhdays​ - KTH | smau with written parts| best friend AU, made of honor!au (like the film) | F, A [18/?]

Best Man @yoontaethings​ - KTH | smau | enemies to lovers, player taehyung? | F, A, S (written) [6/?]

🥕[Ongoing Series]

🌹 Jungkook

Almost Home [reposted/revised] @angelguk​​ - JJK | 27k+ | Single Dad AU, Nanny, slight Fake Dating | A, F [2/?]

Bands @xpeachesncream​​ - JJK | 55.9K+ | Idol AU, Stripper AU | A, F, S [14/?]

Confident @h0neypjm​​​ - JJK | 13.1k | Fuckboy AU, Virgin!Reader | S, F, A ~ [2/?]

It’s a Heartbeat @inkofyoongi​​ - JJK | 23k+ | Enemies to Lovers, College AU, their parents are dating, Jungkook is the South Korean Patrick Swayze and this will turn into a Dirty Dancing!AU nobody asked for 🤭 | A, F, S [1/?]

No Harm List @crazy4myself​​ - JJK | 93.5k+ | Mafia AU, Gang AU, Slow Burn | A, F [10/?]

Normal Kind of Love @/yoontaethings - JJK | 2.5k+ | Actor AU, Exes AU, Enemies to Lovers | A (so far) [1/?]

Open When @iluv-hobi​​ - JJK | drabble series, 2.6k | idol au, established relationship, epistolary | F ~ [2/?]

Picture Perfect @cosmoguk​​ - JJK | 5k+ | parents AU, exes AU (divorced) | A, F | [1/?]

Sleepyhead series @jkstompers​​ - JJK  | 18.2k+ | College AU, Seatmates AU, Crush AU (lol is there such a thing) | F, S

Sleepyhead - “you fall asleep during class next to the uni heart throb jeon jungkook, will you fall in love as well?” 1.8wc

Just to Study - “your seat partner asks if you’re free after class, just to study.” 7.4wc

Passing Notes - “a year of crushing and jungkook’s finally asked you out on a proper date.” 9k wc

Supermodel @koogalore​​ - JJK | 10K+ | Exes AU, infidelity AU, Jungkook is a jerk, Curvy!Reader, talks of body image | S, A [3/?]

The Realm @nottodayjjk​​ - JJK | 3.5k+ | Mystery, Fantasy, OC wakes up in a dark place not knowing where she is, afterlife feels | A [3/?]

The Weeping @themfchase​​ - JJK | 6k+ | Medieval, Dystopian, War, Fantasy AU, Romance, angels/demons | A [1/?]

Wasteland @iridescentjin​ - JJK | 4.5k+ | Sci-Fi AU, Post-Apocalyptic AU, isolation | A (so far) [1/?]

Your Love’s the Only Hoax I Believe In @sparklingchim​​ - JJK | 12.7k+ | College AU, Fuckboy AU, FWB AU, Tutor AU, Unrequited Love | A, S [2/3]

🌹 Yoongi

Birthday Girl @btsarmy9593​​ - MYG | 22K+ | one night stand AU, Noona AU, Professor!Reader, Post Grad AU | F, S [5/?]

Daechwita @/jinings (temp deact) - MYG | 20k+ | servant!yoongi - king!yoongi, princess!reader, period drama, Historical AU | All that Yoongi knows is that King Park must be killed- he just didn’t plan falling in love with his daughter along the way. | A, F, eventual S [2/?]

Silent Dreams @starlightauroras-writes​​ - MYG | 5.7k+ | Best Friend AU, sleeptalking OC while dreaming dirty thoughts about her best friend | S, F [1/?]

🌹 Multi/OT7

Holy Trinity @koyalov​​ - JJK x KTH x PJM | 9k+ | FWB AU, infidelity AU (other woman), Rockstar AU, Band AU, Bestfriend!Jungkook, FWB with other maknaes (yes it’s complicated) | A, S  [1/?]

Playmates @scribblemetae​ - OT7 | 22.6k+ | Idol AU, Sex Worker AU, Strangers to Lovers | S [2/?]

Roses @heejinnien​ - OT7 | 12.7k+ | Crime AU, Mystery, Horror, OC becomes target of the unsub | A [4/?]

by Author

Foxymoxy [AO3] - (JJK)  been following this author since last year (A Sea of Indigo, Hybrid AU) and her fics are amazing. Currently subscribed to these three (out of four) fics which get updated weekly:  🌷

Meadow (Wolf, Shifter AU, Arranged Marriage)

Amended (Arranged Marriage, Fake Marriage, Police Office AU, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Lovers)

Lowlander (Fantasy AU, Enemies to Lovers, Fighter Jungkook)

@jimlingss​ Drabbles 2021

Three Peas in a Pod || Fluff || Namjoon || Single Dad!AU 🌷

Suspended, Seduced, Surprised! || Fluff || Jungkook || E2L

Lotus Blooms in Mud || Angst || Jimin || Historical!AU

Buttering Up || Fluff || Yoongi || Chef!AU

The Office Trip to Pound Town || Smut, Fluff || Taehyung 🌷

Snow White and the Park Ranger || Fluff || Seokjin 🌷

Humdrum Amore || Fluff || Hoseok 🌷

Awaken Again || Angst, Fluff || Namjoon || Sci-Fi!AU 🌷

The Soulmate Gift || Angst, Fluff || Yoongi || Soulmate!AU

Floof’s Tail || Fluff || Jimin || Hybrid!AU 🌷

Take What Isn’t Mine || Smut, Angst || Jungkook

Crocodile Tears || Fluff || Hoseok || Pirate!AU 🌷

🥕[Completed Fics/Series]

Namjoon

Little Red @/bloomsuga - one shot | 22.5k | Werewolf AU, got lost in the woods, inspired by Little Red Riding Hood | S, F, A

Pheromones @rmnamjoons​​ - one shot | 17.5k | Spaceship Captain!Namjoon, Botanist!Reader, Sci Fi AU, Pining | S, F, A 🌷

Stuttering @moonlightchildz​​ - one shot | 11.6k | Tutor AU, Underground Rapper, College AU, Secret Identity | F, S  🌷

There’s a Fly in My Soup @sahmfanficbts​​ - drabble | 1.8k | Cafe Owner x Customer!Namjoon, Cafe AU, Strangers to Lovers, Crack  | F, A (in form of one very stressed OC) 🌷

You’ve Got a Friend in Me @wwilloww​​ - one shot | 3k | Bestfriend AU, Roommate AU, interesting idea to reduce stress levels | S 🌷

Seokjin

All I Ever Wanted @hayjeon​ - one shot | 10k | Teacher AU, Enemies to Lovers AU | F, S 🌷

Voicemail @joonary​​ - one shot | 7k | College Podcast AU, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Bestfriend AU | F (💕fluffy day reblog)  🌷

What Made Us Feel Human @joonsgalaxy​​ - drabble | 2.3k | Neighbor AU, thought neighbor’s noise is due to sex but it’s something else, Crack | F 🌷

Yoongi

Accidents @jungxk​​ - drabble 2.4k | Dad AU, Comedy | F (💕fluffy day reblog)🌷

Are You Still With Him @/joonsgalaxy - drabble | 1.7k | Roommate AU, Producer AU, Friends to Lovers, secret pining, use of song lyrics in the fic | F (I really love how it made use of different song lyrics in the story) 🌷

Avec Mes Souvenirs @palpitate-hyperventilate - one shot | 3.5k | Nikita!AU, Assassin AU, Trainer Yoongi | A

Dad Yoongi + Pawful Experience by obiwrites (through reblogs of her old posts) - drabble | 2.1k | Husband AU, Dad AU, presence of Holly and one resistant Yoongi | F (ugh this is the cutest) 🌷

Earn It @sugasbabiie​​ - one shot | 5k | College AU, Professor AU, PWP,  PLOT TWIST! | S, A 🌷

Hidden Stars @jungblue - series [5/5] | 37.3k | Idol AU, Love Triangle, some reference to infidelity | A, F, S  (a reblog of old faves) 🌷

In Character @kookingtae​​ - one shot | 5.7k | Pornstar AU, “actor au where yoongi plays a burglar who breaks into your house and has his way with you.” | S 🌷

Listen Closely @avveh​​ - one shot | 12.2k | Office AU, Coworker AU, accidently received a recording of Yoongi 🌶🥵💦 | S (reblog) 🌷

Love Language @gukslut​​ - one shot | 5.3k | Established Relationship, use of the Love Language concept | A, S, F (reblog) 🌷

Overstayed Welcome @kaep-jjjang - one shot | 7k | secret crush on yoongi, yoongi to the rescue when a one night stand won’t leave, friends to lovers | S

Selfish @write-this-way-please - two shot [2/2, sort of discontinued] | 3.8k | Coffee Shop AU, kinda hated each other, then a bit of surprise by end of Part 1 | Part 2 feat Namjoon | S, A

Slip @kinglykook​​ - one shot | 5.2k | Roommate AU, Enemies (kinda), OC slipped | S (a rediscovered fic 🤩) 🌷

Tsundere @dovechim​​ - one shot | 11.2k | College AU, Resident Advisor | S, A (a reblog) 🌷

Hoseok

To The Beat of My Heart @jeonggukingdom​​​​ - one shot | 7.2k | Dancer AU, use of mirror 🥵💦| S, pwp 🌷

Written on Our Veins @army-author​​​ - two shot [2/2] | 33.2k | Soulmate AU (💕heart day reblog) 🌷

This is Not a Love Story @sincerelyourfangirl - one shot | 8.7k | breakup au, infidelity, but happy ending for OC | A 🌷

Jimin

Cordially Jimin @kpopfanfictrash​ - one shot | 6.1k | Office AU, Epistolary (through correspondence), Humor | F (💕fluffy day reblog) 🌷

Saturday Mornings @craztextae​ ​ - drabble | 2.2k | Pining AU, Strangers to Lovers(?), Plot Twist! | S 🌷

Girls Like You [Don’t] Run Around with Guys Like Me @ktheist​ - one shot | 4k | popular!reader x shy!jimin, Rich Kids AU, FWB AU, College AU, ends as CEO (PJM) and Racer (OC) | A, F

Taehyung

A Letter in Roses @artaefact​​  - one shot | 8k | Husband AU, CEO AU, appearance of Yeontan | F, implied S

A Timely Malfunction @/joonsgalaxy - drabble | 2.9k | time travel, friends to lovers, prompt:  “What? No, I never said that.” | F

College FWB Drabble + PDA + Miscomm @yukheii - drabble | FWB AU, College AU | F (seriously this is super cute) 🌷

Handsy @jinned​​​ - one shot | 3.7k | Roommate AU, Bestfriend AU, Childhood Friends AU, Pining | taehyung helps her during time of need | S, F 🌷

Hold Still @/joonsgalaxy - drabble | 2.1k | CEO AU, use of flashlight 🙈 | S, pwp ( I’ll Never look at flashlights 🔦 the same way again)

Not Even Close @lovetrivia​​ - drabble | a powerful 600 wc | enemies to lovers, college au, hookups | S, pwp, A 🌷

Of Mages and Swords @masterninjacow​​ - one shot | 40k | Fantasy AU, King Arthur AU, Royalty AU, Action, Romance | A, F 🌷 #holygrailfic

Potent But Not Real @whatifyoulivelikethat​ - one shot | 5k | Assassin AU, Office Worker Taehyung | S, A

Talk Slow @writtenwhalien​​ - one shot | 6.4k | brother’s best friend, Exes AU, never have I ever game | A, S, F

The Temp @jkeuphoriadreamland​​ - one shot | 8.2k | Enemies to Lover, CEO AU, Taehyung has arranged marriage with someone else (headed for divorce) | S, F 🌷

Jungkook

gets a separate post due to too many fic reblogs 😬 (see link below for PART 2)

I love to read so feel free to recommend a fic posted: 2021 March 24 link to other reading lists  | Mar Part 2

[proceduralpassion]

I Don't Wanna Be Unfair | 01

A/N: Hi! Back on my bullshit with another fic. I'm not even particularly sure where this came from, but the inspiration hit and I just let it ride tbh. I've never written for SOA before so this is a first for me. Also, I'll make better graphics when I get the time lol.

Pairing: Jax Teller x OC (McKenzie Gilbert)

Summary/synopsis: Fresh off a broken engagement, McKenzie Gilbert has a one night stand with a random guy she never plans to see again. Soon after, their paths cross, which complicates several situations at hand.

Chapter warning(s): language, sexual content (yup in the first chapter)

WC: ~6.5K

“Want another one?”

McKenzie looked up and was met with pitying eyes from the bartender. He glanced down at her empty shot glass before peering back up at her, awaiting a response. She pondered for a moment as to whether another shot was a good idea, but ultimately decided fuck it before nodding her head.

Her second thoughts dissipated as she realized she wasn’t even particularly drunk. Not even all that tipsy. She’d been sitting here long enough that the alcohol previously consumed had already osmosed. Part of her was upset because it had been her every intention of getting plastered tonight, but then again, he wasn’t worth that. He wasn’t worth destroying her liver anymore than necessary.

The bartender, having a general sketch of most people’s mindsets and reasons for coming into bars, knew she was obviously not having a good time right now. He stood there for a moment and decided to put on his therapist hat, “You alright, chica? Anything else I can get you?”

Before she could answer, he had provided her with a glass of water and another shot.

“I’m good, thanks.” She replied. It took a lot of effort to gather a smile, but she gave him a small one, appreciating his thought to check in on her.

“Well… if you wanna talk about it, I’m a professional listener, too. Sort of a hidden skill as a bartender.”

“Thanks, but I’m not really in the talking mood right now. I’ll take one more shot though.” McKenzie kept her voice level, holding back the snark she wanted to release. He was just being nice and doing his job, but she really didn’t want to be bothered. Thankfully, he took the hint and walked away to tend to other customers after refilling her glass.

She kept the shot glass on the counter, not jumping to knock it back yet. She meant it, she wasn’t getting drunk tonight over him. Even if this wasn’t the life she imagined for herself as of now. Even though she no longer had any direction or destination in mind for where she would go from here.

Marriage wasn’t particularly something she envisioned for herself, but when the opportunity came, she said yes to the man who proposed to her. And she was excited. Excited at the prospect of being someone’s wife. Having a husband. Planning a wedding, a day of celebrating with everyone you love in one room. She thought she met someone who was worthy of sharing such a day with her. She just knew that man loved her. His words and the ring that used to rest on her left ring finger solidified that in her mind. And now everything she believed to be true was no longer so.

Only a couple of hours ago, she’d been happily engaged. Only a couple of hours ago, she proudly wore the round cut diamond ring that proclaimed to everyone that she was betrothed. And now, here she sat with all of that nothing more than a lost dream, a broken ending. All the promises and plans and wishes had gone down the drain, her forever ending going with it.

The only thing more potent than her heartbreak right now was the anger that arose every time she thought about how she had been dragged along for almost five years, with a man who never wanted any of the things she did.

Confusion was a top three contender. Because she wondered how she missed the signs. How she hadn’t figured out beforehand that he never wanted her to be his wife. How she could have possibly messed this up. They were nowhere near perfect, God knows, but she never felt like it was too much to the point that it couldn’t be fixed. That they couldn’t work through it together. Yes, she was incredibly stubborn, and yes, he could be particularly arrogant, but…. they were in love. And that should have been enough, right? Unless it wasn’t. Or unless he really didn’t love her. Which was so obviously the case, but how long had it been like that? How long had it been when he fell out of love with her? Was he ever?

Confusion rose in rank as to what she was feeling. More questions arose the longer she sat there, reflecting over her now broken engagement. Was this something he’d been thinking about for a long time? Or was it sudden, a split decision? She thought back to his behavior these past few months: he’d been coming home later (or sometimes not at all), he was more distant than usual, they were arguing more. The feeling that maybe he’d been seeking comfort in the arms of another woman floated through her mind more than once during this time, and she even gathered the courage to ask him straight up if he had. But he said no and so she believed him. He said “I love you” and so she believed him. Because if she didn’t, that would give credence to the little voice in the back of her head that told her that something was off.

And here she was in this random bar in the middle of nowhere, hating herself for not listening.

And with that, she picked up the shot and knocked it back. She deserved the burning sensation in the back of her throat. A punishment for her asininity. And also a distraction from her aching.

Tomorrow, she would have to go to the clubhouse and face him. She would have to keep her head high because she’d be damned if she let anyone see her fall apart. She also couldn’t give him the satisfaction. She’d walk in tomorrow and pretend that her heart hadn’t been ripped from its chest.

But for tonight, she didn’t want to think about any of that. Tonight needed to be a night for distraction and self-indulgence.

Because no matter how much she wished she would never see him again, she couldn’t do that. He was a part of her world and he wasn’t going anywhere. And she knew he wasn’t so she had no choice but to face it. And she would face it with as much gracefulness and strength she could muster because anything less was unacceptable to her.

But for tonight at least, she could abandon all of that. She purposefully avoided having drinks at the clubhouse bar, not wanting to encounter him or anyone else for the time being. That’s why she drove out on the skirts of town to find this place, a bar on neutral ground without any club affiliations. She also didn’t want to have a peek at him taking home another woman or better yet, simply taking a woman right there at the club. She couldn’t even stand the thought, quickly whishing the visual from her mind. And that was confirmation right there that she made the right decision, because she surely wouldn’t have been able to control her emotions had she seen it in real time, in person. Maybe their engagement hadn’t even stopped him from doing just that in the past, but either way, it was now moot. She didn’t want any part in witnessing the sight.

There were loud cheers down the bar that jolted McKenzie from her thoughts. She rolled her eyes when she found the source, seeing a bunch of frat guys on winter break, partake in a beer chugging contest. The time she spent in her head left her just now noticing that the bar had gotten more crowded. A basketball game played on the screen, a group of girlfriends were having a girl’s night out, and a few dates were canoodled together in booths. She would probably barely hear her own voice if she were to start speaking right now with all the buzz and liveliness around her. And she definitely didn’t hear the bar door opening or the sound of footsteps that stopped until they were right beside her.

She only noticed when the bartender reappeared to serve the new patron, “Hey, what can I get you, man?”

To her left, was an unfamiliar blonde, waiting at the counter. He had on a black hoodie with his hood on his head, though his gelled back blonde hair peeked a little outside of it. His face wore a laidback smirk on his face as he greeted the bartender. When the bartender turned his back to get him his drink though, the smirk on the blonde had faded some and a bit of weariness colored his features. It was only a few seconds and the careless demeanor returned as he was handed a glass of whiskey. He turned to leave his spot and glanced McKenzie's way as he backed up some. He flashed her a flirtatious smile and wink before he continued on his way, walking towards the back of the bar.

Over the next hour or so, she broke herself out of her mind and just sat and watched all around her. There weren’t a lot of moments where she could sit and just be. It was a privilege she didn’t get to indulge in a lot of the time. Between her job as a paramedic and being involved in what was technically a crime syndicate, relaxation wasn’t usually afforded to her. And so she sipped on her water and just observed. She didn’t want to invite attention to herself by looking at anyone too hard or too long, but her eyes couldn’t help but bounce back to that mystery blonde every so often.

He’d found a small table near the bathrooms that was somewhat secluded, yet gave him visibility to everyone around him. He didn’t stay there for long though. He finished up his whiskey and ambled over to a table or two, tables that were particularly inhabited by what looked to be single women. Flirting. Shamelessly. The only problem was that no one was taking the bait.

It worked a little, he’d make them smile, he’d make them laugh. Cause one of them to twirl their hair a little. But when he went in for the kill, he got shut down each and every time. It became a game to her as much as it probably was to him. An amusing one, at that. A pretty face like that probably wasn’t used to so much rejection, especially in one night.

Over the hour she watched him, the man had probably attempted his magic on almost half a dozen women. She’d give him credit, he was a stubborn one. Determined. But she felt not an ounce of sympathy that he was striking out every which way he turned.

Eventually, the game got tiring and McKenzie looked elsewhere for entertainment. The bartender had reappeared once again and this time, he placed a Cosmopolitan in front of her. Upon looking into her questioning eyes, he nodded his head towards the frat guys. One of them had raised his beer at her, glassiness heavy on his face. The blank stare on hers did nothing to dissuade him and he even got from out of his seat to walk over to her.

McKenzie groaned and the bartender chuckled, “So I’m guessing you don’t want that?”

She shook her head and he immediately moved the drink from in front of her. The drunken, sloppy flirt had appeared beside her, leaning against the bar and heavy into her personal space.

“Hey pretty lady.” He slurred. He looked at the bar and noticed the drink he sent her was no longer there. “What, you don’t like Cosmos, sweetheart?”

“I love them, but I’m not your fucking sweetheart.”

“Ooh, feisty!” He gurgled. His gait was swaying and he reached for the back of her seat for stability. This only moved him further into her personal space, causing her to lean as far back as she could without falling. She closed her eyes and mentally started counting, trying to keep calm. She could end this situation real quick, but it was a matter of not wanting to waste the energy.

When she reopened her eyes, she cut him with her meanest glare. With a steely voice, she demanded, “Back. Off.”

The bartender also chimed in, "Hey man, she doesn’t wanna be bothered. Quit it.” He promptly gestured for the drunk’s frat friends to come retrieve him and McKenzie intentionally chose not to acknowledge them muttering about what a “prude ass bitch” she was.

Instead, she blew out a breath of relief once they were all gone, and relaxed back into her seat.

“You okay?” The mystery blonde, who had just reappeared, asked, worry in his eyes, “I saw that guy messing with you, he didn’t touch you, did he?”

“I’m fine.” She replied.

The blonde settled into the seat beside her, “Sorry about that. Assholes…”

“Yeah, most men are.” She finished the rest of her water and slid the glass away from her. She hadn’t really registered her words until she noticed his amused expression and raised eyebrows.

“Wow,” he said before licking his lips, “tell me how you really feel.”

“It’s not like I lied.”

His grin only widened the more she spoke. It annoyed her that he found this entertaining. She would’ve been more satisfied if he were offended or irritated. Hell, she wouldn’t have even minded if he called her out her name, too. If only it meant he would walk away.

“Fair enough, I guess.” He conceded, with that provocative smirk permanently etched on his face, “Still glad you’re alright, though.” And even with his enticing grin and charismatic eyes, she could detect the sincerity in his voice.

After a silent second or two, he spoke again, introducing himself.

“I’m Jax.”

She cut her eyes at him and pointedly looked at the hand he was holding out for her to shake. She didn’t move to return the gesture, only continued glaring at him.

And again, that smirk. He tilted his head with his eyes narrowed and that flirty, teasing smirk. He dropped his hand and then picked it back up to gesture towards the bartender.

“Sooo I don’t get to know your’s?” He inquired after getting himself a beer. He then spoke to the bartender, “Oh! And go ahead and put whatever else she wants on my tab, bro.”

MacKenzie’s nose flared, “You just saw me turn down the last guy who tried this trick and now you’re doing the exact same?,” She questioned him. “I’m not gonna sleep with you.”

Jax’s eyes widened again, this time in surprise.

“Darlin’, I don’t remember mentioning anything about wanting to sleep with you.” He spoke. And then continued, “I don’t even know your name.”

MacKenzie rolled her eyes, “Yeah, well I just figured considering you’ve been trying to get into every other girl’s pants tonight. You’d think after the second or third time, you’d take a fucking hint.” She ranted. “But then again, you seem like the stubborn type, so why don’t you get yourself back out there because you’re not getting anything from me.”

Jax cocked his head at her with curiosity creeping up his features. “...Have you been watching me?” McKenzie paused and Jax’s smirk returned full force, satisfied with his upper hand.

She only stumbled for a second, her face returning to its impassive mug. Speaking slowly, she said, “Don’t. Flatter. Yourself.”

You’re damn right she’d been watching him, but of course, she’d never admit it.

Jax chuckled, “Alright, well, even though you haven’t been watching me, I think I’m gonna take your advice and get myself back out there. Enjoy your night.”

He left without another word and she didn’t bother to bid him goodbye either. The night wore on and her anger stemming from both her fiancé and the frustrating encounters she’d had tonight was dissipating away. All she was left with was sadness at the current state of her life. Tomorrow was a big day for the clubhouse. She had no choice but to show up, but she wasn’t ready for the pity, the tension, or the pain.

It was such a complicated situation and she was anxious about hearing the others’ thoughts, opinions, and feelings. She certainly wasn’t ready to hear or see her sister’s reaction.

She knew she’d have to face her soon. Probably sooner than anyone else, considering she had no place to stay as of earlier today. She’d have to show up at her house and hear dozens of questions about what happened, about what went wrong. Her sister would never say it, but she was probably the biggest disputant of her relationship, and if she were a vindictive person, she’d never let McKenzie hear the end of how she was right to think that her love wasn’t the one for her.

Nonetheless, it was all love.

But she wasn’t rushing to let someone else in on her pain, so she remained seated and tuned in to the sports highlights on the TV, milking this solitary night for all of its worth.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jax return to the bar, a few seats down from where she was. He groaned to himself after requesting another refill, frustration coloring his expression. McKenzie couldn’t help it, she giggled at the sight. Only her outburst was a bit louder than she realized in the quieting bar.

His head turned towards her and his eyes narrowed.

“Something funny?”

“Nah, you just seem a little frustrated is all. You’re telling me you couldn’t find one chick in this joint to go home with you?”

He grabbed his beer and walked closer to her, curiosity and annoyance evident on his face.

“What exactly is your problem? Did I do something to offend you? Because if so, I apologize.” He said, holding his hand to his chest as he spoke.

McKenzie shrugged in response, “I just know your type, that’s all.” Apparently, she knew his type too well. She was fucking engaged to his type. If she cared enough, she could only hope that there was no fiancée, or girlfriend, or wife attached to the man standing beside her.

“And what type would that be?” He prodded.

“The type that doesn’t see women as people. Just a hole to get your rocks off in. You prey on them for a quick fuck, and as long as they’re cool with that, fine, fucking go for it, but I know exactly your type. And quite frankly, I’m so tired of being around men like that,” She professed bitterly. She was so stuck in her heated words that she missed the flash of darkness that crossed his eyes as she went on. She’d hit a nerve without even realizing it.

He took a step closer and met her eye to eye.

“You don’t even know me. All you’ve done tonight is tell me what you think you know about me and my type. Meanwhile, all you’ve been doing for the past two hours is sitting on this stool and nursing drinks with a sour look on your face. I haven’t exactly seen too many suitors walking your way either, darlin’. Unless you want to count that sloppy asshole who probably couldn’t even see two feet in front of him to begin with. It’s probably that bitterness that’s just reeking off of you with those judgmental eyes. So let’s cut the psychoanalytic bullshit and bring it down a notch. You’re so tired of being around men like me?” He leaned in closer and gestured behind her, “There’s the door.”

Fury filled the entirety of her frame, rushing into her veins and heating up her skin. Her nose flared and she fought to keep her shaking, raging hands to their sides. She was a snarling serpent, ready to pounce at the slightest inclination.

After having said his piece, Jax wasn’t interested in sticking around any longer.

“As fun as this evening has been, I think I’m gonna call it a night myself.”

He readjusted his hood and shoved his hands in his pockets, ready to face the cool night air. He stuck one out to wave bye to the bartender before turning once more to her. His voice barely above a whisper, he spoke, “I’m sorry for whoever hurt you.”

And then he walked out the door.

And McKenzie’s blood just continued to boil even more. She whipped her head around to the door and jumped out of her seat immediately. With her jacket on and satchel on her arm, she stalked out the bar barely a minute after he left. The cold air that assaulted her when she opened the door was not even acknowledged, her focus only on searching for him. She saw him walking towards a motorcycle across the street and she immediately set off to storm right after him.

“Hey!” She bellowed. He stopped his movements and turned around, but he didn’t move to walk towards her. Instead, he released a heavy sigh as she moved closer to him. “What was that?!”

“What was what?”

“You telling me that you’re sorry. What the hell was that?!”

He looked at her for a moment and with annoyance and confusion, he said, “You know, you really don’t know how to take apologies well.”

If looks could kill, Jax would be dead. She couldn’t even utter a sentence, her brain short-circuiting at the gall of this guy. Her mouth hung open, unable to find the words that captured her vexation.

That short bout of silence only spurred him on.

“You’ve been at my throat all night when I haven’t even done anything to you. Then, I apologize, keep in mind that I don’t owe you shit, but I apologized because something’s obviously happened in your life that’s got you hating the world, or hating men at least… And now you’re still coming at me like I’m the bad guy?”

“And what? Because I’m the only girl not taking your bullshit, I had to have been hurt or had my heart broken? Seriously?” She huffed. Damn if it wasn’t the truth, but still…

Jax turned fully towards her and stared her down, “You’re really gonna look me in my eye and tell me I’m lying?”

She didn’t need to say anything. The way she warily flinched at his accusation was enough for him. He nodded, in confirmation, to himself, knowing that her faltering told him all that he needed to know. He had to hand it to her though, her hard exterior came back with a vengeance and her imperceptible mask had returned right in front of his eyes.

“I don’t have to tell you shit. You don’t know a thing about me.” She fired back.

He smirked before backsliding into a sneer, “Sounds familiar, don’t it?”

Her eyes narrowed and words weren’t needed to express the irritation and indignance beaming off of both of them. They maintained each other’s glare, only until Jax had had enough. He was over this entire night and was ready to get back to Charming. “Now if that’s all, I’m gonna call it a night.” He began walking towards his bike and grabbed his aviator goggles from his pocket. “You’re right about one thing. Not getting any action tonight has put me in a foul mood and dealing with you ain’t been helpi-”

Jax’s grouchy words were cut off when he felt his hoodie sleeve being pulled from behind him. Looking back towards the woman who’d been a pain in his ass, he was halted from speaking further as he felt her lips collide with his. Stunned by the stark 180, he didn’t move as she resolutely moved her lips against his. The daze wore off quickly and soon enough he was returning the favor, as they moved against each other. Jax’s hands found themselves on her hips while her’s grasped onto his neck. When he swung her around a little bit closer towards the sidewalk and out of the empty road, he felt the hitch in her breath.

It was the reminder that told him that oxygen would soon be necessary for them and so he begrudgingly pulled back some. Their chests heaved against one another and when Jax locked eyes with her, he found challenge in her smirk.

He took a couple of more seconds to catch his breath before querying, “What was that?”

The sly smile that played over her face was a familiar look that signaled less than proper ideations.

“What was what?,” She responded, throwing his words back at him. She snickered at the roll of his eyes that he tossed back.

“You’ve been pissed at me all night for who fucking knows, berating me for trying to sleep with you, which for the record, I was not, I was only trying to make sure you were okay, and now… you’re kissing me?”

If she was in a better mindset right now, she’d feel flustered at how this all seemed. She was driving this guy in circles, that much she could tell from his confused, knit brows.

But she wasn’t in a better state of mind.

She didn’t care.

She ran her eyes over his entire frame for the nth time tonight and decided that she was doing this. It was happening.

She returned her eyes to his slight, perplexed frown and confirmed the decision in her head. He was exactly the kind of distraction she needed.

“You wanna get out of here?”

His brows rose once again and he paused, as if he were thinking carefully about his next words. “I thought you didn’t like me?”

“I don’t, but that’s not what I asked.”

He paused again and this time her face lifted, more so in impatience. She pressed her lips to his again, intentionally adding more heat and enticement. Giving him a prelude as to just how masterful her tongue was. And before they could get too engrossed into it, she was the one to pull away this time. She crossed her arms and tilted her head, awaiting a response.

A beat.

“For the record, I’m not so sure I like you either.” He moved towards his bike once again, “My place or yours?”

“Yours.” Her reply was instant. She no longer had a place, so really it was either his place or a motel. And she knew she’d already feel like a whore in the morning, so his place was better for her ego.

He gestured towards his bike, but she shook her head. “I’ll follow you.”

“Suit yourself.” He said as he put on his helmet.

McKenzie jogged to where her car was parked diagonally, across the street. Quiet and alone in her car, it was only then did she register her goosebumps and racing heart rate. On one hand, these nerves were all too familiar with her. She’d had one night stands before, after all. But it’d been a long time and maybe that’s where the sensation of novelty came in. It’d been over four years since she last had a random hook up and it was not long before she got into her now broken relationship. There was also the slightest notion of guilt. Logically, she knew there was nothing to be guilty about. She was single. She no longer had any ties, obligations, or commitments to him. And it’s not like he wasn’t off doing the same thing. But alas, the guilt continued to seep in the longer she followed Jax into Charming limits.

And when they arrived at a ranch style house in the dead of night, McKenzie knew it was now or never. She needed to make a decision. She looked at herself in the rear view mirror while grasping onto the steering wheel. She took a few deep breaths and compelled herself to make a choice. Stay or go. Jax killed his bike and climbed off it, taking his time to remove his helmet and aviators.

And right when she was seconds away from shifting into reverse and snatching out of here, she saw the glimmer of jewelry hidden away in her console. Her engagement ring.

And it was then that she made her choice. She owed him nothing. She owed herself everything.

Even if for tonight, that “everything” was a mere random hookup with someone she’d never see again.

It was then at that moment that she decided he didn’t have to take anything else from her. She wouldn’t let him.

Turning off her car and locking it up, she faced Jax who was still waiting, at his bike. He flashed her a wink, just barely visible under the nearby street lights.

“Thought you might’ve chickened out.” He jeered before walking towards his house. Even though he was right, much like how right he’d been all night, she merely shrugged and maintained her laid back demeanor.

She wasn’t fooling him however, and he chuckled at her non-response. He held his hand out to her, but didn’t wait for her to put hers into his. Instead, he grabbed onto it and pulled her a step closer. He stepped all into her space and breathed in her floral scent. Their fingers interlocked as she swayed into him and glanced alluringly up at him.

“You get to come into my house on one condition.” He declared. He’d lifted their connected hands and pointed his index finger at her. “You have to tell me your name.”

Snickering at how quickly his face transitioned from seriousness to banter, she relented, “McKenzie.”

Jax hummed. “Mmm, McKenzie.” The way he said her name sent fire crackling all along her spine. “Alright, McKenzie,” he moved a braided twist from her face, “let’s go inside then.”

They gave each other pecking kisses over their lips as they stumbled their way to the front door. Her focus was purely on reaching as many parts of his face with her lips as possible as he worked on getting the door unlocked and pulling them inside. Her eyes just barely adjusted to the darkness inside and she allowed him to guide her to his bedroom. Along the way, his hoodie and her leather jacket were lost to the floor. Shoes and socks were next and she was working on taking off his plain white tee as he attacked her neck without mercy. She couldn’t be held accountable for the sounds of delight that filled the room just as he hit that special spot directly beneath her ear lobe.

McKenzie grasped onto his face pulling his lips towards her mouth. She could see the bed, highlighted by the moon that breathed soft illuminance into the room. As he plopped onto it, their lips never disconnected and she moved to sit on his lap, lessening the space in their embrace. Jax’s moves were sloppy and desperate as he sought to lift up her ginger colored tee. While enlivened by the new and exposed skin, he couldn’t resist returning his lips to her neck and gradually down her collar bone.

Her breathing got heavier and she worked on unbuckling and unzipping his jeans while also exploring his chest. In the dim moonlight, there wasn’t much that they could see of the other, but that didn’t stop their hands and lips from exploring all that they could.

“You’re still wearing too many clothes.” He mumbled as he pulled at one of the straps of her bra.

He could feel her smile as her mouth traveled lower, down to his abdomen. Her hands journeyed even lower and she was amazed at the length she felt. Unfortunately for her, her hands were pulled away so that he could unhook her bra. He pointed at her pants and silently motioned for her to remove them. She rose from her seat on his lap and allowed herself the room to shimmy them down. Their lips met once again at her bent stance, both moaning as they deepened it until they were lightheaded.

McKenzie took the moment of respite to pull his jeans completely off of him and push him flat against the bed. His eyes were full of lust and fervor and without another thought, he grabbed for her, pulling him down to her.

Their movements once again became frenetic: Jax’s hands gliding down to her ass and squeezing, while McKenzie’s heavy breaths turned into whispered gasps. She basked in the arduous affections as his hands continued to explore. She was too distracted in running her fingers through his hair that she missed as his fingers maneuvered towards the front of her, meeting her clothed core. Her hips immediately buckled at the sensation.

He chuckled at her excitement and couldn’t help but tease a bit: “Someone’s sensitive.”

“Shut up.” She muttered, rolling her hips closing into his hand.

His mouth found one of her nipples and he lightly swirled his tongue around, eliciting another angelic moan from her. Simultaneously, he was also working on removing her teal lace panties. His fingers found their way in the folds of her and he immediately set to work in providing pleasure overtime. She could just barely believe it, the double sensations of being stimulated felt like being pulled into an out of body experience. At some point, she didn’t know what to do. Where to grasp. How not to just collapse right then and there. How to prolong the blissful arousal she was experiencing.

Prolonged, it was not, because it only took but a few moments later before forceful, concentrated waves of luxury collided full force with her frame.

She fell over onto her side and Jax wasted no time. He was up and over her, taking advantage of the new position. He started kissing her again and jumped a little at the feel of her hands inside his boxers. They were once again wrapped around his length and Jax reached out to his night stand drawer to retrieve a condom. Thankful for the reprieve, she laid back on the pillows and watched as he took the time to roll it onto him. She licked her lips, appreciating the view.

Hovering completely over her, he moved back the comforter and moved them both so that they were comfortable under the sheets.

He looked straight at her as he slowly inched his way inside. His movements were soft but intentional. His hands soothed her, rubbing her thigh and allowing her the time to adjust to him. One hand caressed his back while the other met his at the crux of her thigh.

The slow and sensuous pace didn’t last for long, however. Soon, he was thrusting into her, both their forms becoming sloppier and more frenzied as they indulged in the throes of passion. Their needy moans and the bed creaking against the wall were the only sounds that filled the otherwise silent house. And once they were done, high in the clouds off of their climaxes, the house was filled with nothing but stillness.

***************************

Several hours later

McKenzie adjusted her dark teal bra as her eyes skirted around the room, looking for her shirt. Peeking out from under the bed, she grabbed it as soon as she spotted it. Jax hadn’t said anything, not even knowing if she realized he was up. He watched her, admiring her beauty in the morning light.

Almost his entire body was covered under the bed sheets as the dusk air creeped into the room. Even in California, chilliness could have a bite to it during the early morning or late night hours. He was too cold to even get up and put some heat on. He just chose to lie there and watch her make her escape. He figured it didn’t hurt to not let her off so easily, at least make her say goodbye.

“You feeling okay, darlin’?”

“Yeah,” she didn’t flinch but sighed, “found my shirt.” She lifted it up, and then over her head.

“Yeah?” He repeated. “I’d say last night was more than 'yeah', especially going by your responses.” He goaded.

She ignored his comments and didn’t take the bait. Instead, she made sure she had her car keys, phone, and wallet.

“We could do this sometime again, if you want.”

“I’ve got somewhere to be.” She responded.

“So do I. I wasn’t talking about now, though.” He said. And he sat up a little to note the time, 6:40 a.m., relaxing when he recognized that he didn’t need to be at his plans for another few hours.

She still didn’t say anything, though, only putting on her jacket and shoes.

“Suit yourself. Maybe I’ll see you around town.”

At this, McKenzie scoffed, “I doubt it. I don’t even live in Charming.” She turned to exit the door and gave a salute behind her back, “See ya never!”

He just smirked and lied back in bed, wondering if he’d ever been on this side of a one night stand before. The side where he was the one suggesting future escapades. Where he was the one being turned down. He didn’t know why, but damn he kinda liked it. He put an alarm on his phone to wake him up from the short nap he was about to take and closed his eyes in sweet bliss.

McKenzie, on the other hand, couldn’t get out fast enough. It wasn’t as bad as she expected, but she still definitely woke up feeling post-orgasm judgments. She couldn’t blame it on the alcohol because she was almost entirely sober through the whole ordeal. She didn’t regret last night, per se, she actually enjoyed it. A lot. And maybe that’s why the weight of it all was hitting her. She’d just had sex with someone new for the first time in nearly five years. This wasn’t the life she envisioned for herself right about now, but here she was, and she didn’t know what to make of it. It was only yesterday that she could see her whole life planned out before her and now she didn’t know what she was doing or what to even do next. There were so many possibilities and avenues and maybe that’s where the overwhelming feelings came from? That she could just up and go randomly sleep with a random guy just because she could? It was foreign. It was overwhelming in a time where she was also figuring out how to mourn what would never be. Her mind was being pulled in a thousand different directions and she didn’t know when or how to process.

She had to force herself to take several deep breaths and calm her frenzied mind as she drove to her sister’s house. She willed herself not to cry because she probably wouldn’t stop in time before she got there and she didn’t want to explain to her sister that she didn’t know why she was crying, with all the different emotions and thoughts running through her head.

So she remained zen and walked up the steps to her little sister’s place. She had a key, but she knew better than to just barge in on a single woman who carried a glock. She knocked and waited. Willing herself to keep calm and remain steeled. She could indulge in her basket case of a mind when she found some alone time.

Sairah opened the door and immediately knew something was wrong. Her brows raised in surprise that her sister was at her front door at seven in the morning.

“Umm, can I- can I crash with you for a while?”

Her sister paused for a moment and McKenzie could see the questions forming before they even materialized into the air. Something on her face must have told Sairah to hold off. So instead of opening her mouth, she simply nodded and moved to let her sister step in.

Sooo if you’re looking for a timeline as to when this takes place, yeah disregard all that 😂. I mean, technically this takes place at the end of season 7 ideally, but it’s verryyy AU. Tara doesn’t exist, there’s no Abel or Thomas, Opie’s alive (I can’t kill my bb), Jax has a sister (I don’t know when we’ll meet her but we will) and instead of the Grim Bastards, I created another MC (The Street Wolves), which McKenzie is the “princess” of.

There’s hella backstory, world building, and fleshing out that I've been working on and I’ll be involving so fret not if a lot of things seem unclear. This chapter was really for setting the stage and now we’ll see where things go from here and add more background as we go. If you have any questions though, plss hit up my ask box or just reblog and leave your messages/questions there. This is my new favorite obsession so I don’t mind giving little tidbits of information (without giving spoilers of course) to really enrich the story and experience for y’all. I’ll probs reblog some little OC games or tags if you want to learn more about McKenzie or the new MC I’ve created. There’s gonna be plenty of new characters to add to the fun!

Anyways, I hope y’all enjoyed the chapter and thanks for reading! Please like, reblog and share!

P.S. I don’t know if the bartender will just be a cameo or if I’ll add him to the story more, but can y’all guess which SOA character that is?

[cancerjupiter]

astrology notes: mars (pt. 1)

mars in aries

at home in its own sign, you’re very sure about its desires. passions burn brightly, and you know exactly who and what you want. being cardinal, mars in aries likes to take the initiative, and does tend to rush at people in a way that can be quite intimidating to those who like to make decisions more slowly. the person with mars in Aries is excited by the pursuit, however, so rejections and evasions only serve to fuel the fire. finding it hard to admit defeat, they cannot believe that they won't get what they want, and will see the slightest ambiguity as grounds for optimism. the mars in aries does have a tendency to enjoy the chase more than the end result, so that they often lose interest in people once they have have them. they are then likely to run away just as fast as they were pursuing before :/ someone who wants to retain the interest of this person will need to remain always a little elusive. 

people with mars in aries feel energized by sexual desire - even if it is not fulfilled, it will make them feel more vital and alive. very intuitive and trusting to instinct and gut reactions, they know exactly what is right for them, and will not compromise. they either desire people or not, the second they meet them: there is no uncertainty or doubt with them. the person with this mars often appears much more confident than they feel, and may tend to look for an identity through their lovers, and try to prove themselves through sex. these people may go to great lengths to prove how independent they are, when they are really trying to define themselves through action. sex, therefore, to these people can assume huge symbolic significance; and they may invest the object of their desire with almost mystical status. they are searching for a hero to fire and inspire them, to help them discover the hero within. to this end, they may have to go on a long and lonely journey, facing many difficulties and rejections before they become the truly independent individual they need to be. life holds many hard lessons for people with mars in aries. they step into each new sexual involvement with careless impulsiveness, naively believing that this one will be much easier than the last, and forgetting that aries must pit itself against adversity in order to develop strength and self-reliance. 

these people are attracted to sharply defined individuals of strong character. they enjoy a certain amount of combativeness and competition with their sexual partners, and are often quite sharp and argumentative with those they find attractive. sexual desire strirs up anger for them; and they often feel safer expressing anger to lovers than to anyone else. it is important to them that the other person is strong enough to handle this, and can give as good as they get. there is a need for the lover to be of equal strength, and they will feel irritated by someone who gives in to them all the time, and will soon lose interest in such a person. they cannot be pushed into things themselves, and tend to despise those who can. although they may be critical of their lovers themselves, they will fight ferociously to defend them against anyone else who dares to attack their loved ones. 

honest, open and direct, mars in aries likes to let their potential lovers know exactly how they feel. it’s important to them  that things are straight-forward and that there is no confusion. they in turn like to know exactly where they stand, and cannot bear any form of deception. they have romantic ideals about sex, and need to be true to themselves, so that the pretence involved in having sex with someone that they do not really want or when they do not want it can be very disturbing to them. mars in aries is not really looking for physical sensation, but rather for some kind of spiritual fulfillment through sex. these people seek spiritually unity, a fusing and oneness with their lover which transcends the physical act. through it, they hope to experience a moment of bliss in which they have abandoned separateness and become one with their lover.

mars in taurus

someone with this placement will have a good connection to their instinctual, physical needs. this will be a strong, no-nonsense person with a matter of fact attitude towards sex; someone who gets enormous enjoyment from their sexual relationships, and with wide tastes. these people could be into sex for its own sake, as pure physical pleasure, with no trimmings. they are comfortable with their own bodies and physical desires. more gentle types could find them too careless and direct.

with mars in any of the earth signs, there is the propensity to split love and sex; but someone with mars in taurus is most prone to this, simply because their desire nature is so strong. these are not people who can easily be celibate, so if there is no-one in their lives who really matters to them, they are still going to look for sexual partners. they may have a pragmatic view of these liaisons, unaware of their own double standards, as when they are deeply involved with someone on a feeling level their values change dramatically. 

taurus is arguably the most possessive sign of the zodiac, and someone with mars in it may claim total ownership rights over their sexual partner. this differs from the emotional possessiveness of someone with mars in scorpio, as with taurus the partner becomes a prized object (trophy wife) in which they invest a part of themselves. infidelity is so completely threatening to these people that it is intolerable (though they may be cheaters themselves lol). they will value their partners highly, treat them as a possession, as an extension of themselves, and expect and demand absolute faithfulness. to say that they are jealous and possessive of loved ones is an understatement.

this is a very primitive mars placement; we are dealing with a neolithic person here. we’re in 2020 and the rest of the world developed more liberated attitudes to relationships, but they’re not easily filtered through to a mars in taurus person. this is someone who has traditional expectations and is likely to want to play a traditional role in relationships. they will build a relationship slowly, not one to rush into things, and will take their time to get to know a prospective partner. a sexual involvement does not necessarily mean  to them that a relationship is underway. they will evaluate a potential relationship in a pragmatic way. once involved, they are loyal and reliable, and are not afraid of making a commitment. they are at their best when in a secure relationship.

mars in gemini

gemini is the most restless of all the air signs; and people with mars here can barely remain still for a minute. they are constantly on the go, moving from place to place and person to person. finding it hard to survive for long without talking, if they cannot actually be with people they will want to be on the phone.they’re likely social media addicted and will find it really hard to concentrate their desire on one person, as sex to them may simply be a way into a friendship. in this way, these people are frequently starting new sexual relationships only to cool off almost immediately. this tends to make their relationships very complicated, when they want to continue on a friendship-only/friends w benefits basis, but the other person sees it as a sexual partnership. no one is more evasive than the mars in gemini person; and it is almost impossible to pin them down. their desires change from moment to moment, which makes it very difficult for them to commit themselves to any one person. because sex and companionship are so closely linked for them, being sexually faithful feels like only being allowed to talk to one person - a fate they find it hard to contemplate. besides, their attitude to sex tends to be rather lighthearted and playful, and so they cannot understand why others should get so heavy and possessive about it.

they are attracted to lively, exciting people who are fun to be with, and often  younger people. mars in gemini people are not very interested in physical beauty, but are excited by a lively mind and sharp sense of humour. they may get very argumentative when they are attracted to someone, and will enjoy it if the person responds in kind. i noticed they’re turned on by arguing, as if it’s a form of courtship to them, and like to chat and joke through sex itself. 

as gemini is intensely curious, they’re likely to wonder exactly what sex would be like with each person they meet, and to get a great deal of pleasure from speculating on this or just talking about sex. these people are tremendous flirts, as for them flirting can be a kind of verbal intercourse which is an end in itself. this can be very confusing to who they talk to, for they may believe that they’re being offered something that just isn't there and has no way of knowing that what they’re taking part in is not a prelude to sex but an alternative to it. crazy. the duality of gemini also means that there is a side of these people that wants much more than this casual, superficial pleasure which leaves them feeling deeply dissatisfied. deep inside, there is a part of them that craves profound and meaningful connections; and sex for them can be a form of communication that goes much deeper than words. for mars in gemini people, it's essential that their sexual partner is also a friend who will listen to them and talk to them. in order for them to feel truly desired, they have to be wanted as a person and a friend rather than just for sex.

mars in cancer

someone with this mars is going to move cautiously wherever failure and rejection are a possibility. like the crab, these people will never approach their objective head-on. they will act carefully and pay attention to what kind of response they’re eliciting. in relationships, they will not want to risk rejection, and will often not make a move unless sure of being accepted. these people will use their sensitivity to the non-verbal signals to judge how safe it is before risking a refusal. however, cancer is a cardinal sign, so despite their self-protectiveness they can and will initiate. when they feel emotionally secure, either because the external situation is non threatening or from an inner security established within themselves, they can act passionately and powerfully. 

this is a sexually passionate placement with deep and intense needs for emotional safety within a relationship. people with mars in cancer are particularly likely to want sexual contact to reassure them that they are wanted, although this need to be wanted extends beyond the sexual and will permeate their whole life. they may try to make themselves indispenable to others so that they will never be abandoned. in sexual relationships, they need to feel they belong, to feel protected and secure, and will in turn offer a sense of protection and containment to their partner. 

mars in cancer will often mother their partner and want mothering themselves. they enjoy taking care of others, both physically and emotionally. they are likely to be gentle, kindly and sympathetic. they will recognize and value the deeper exchanges of a sexual union and the bonds that exist on a feeling level. these people are likely to be possessive and to expect their partner to be completely faithful, though they will not necessarily apply this same standard to themselves. however, they will remain faithful if their infidelity threatens their security or violates their feeling of belonging to someone else. 

mars in leo

you desires with passionate intensity; and, like mars in aries, tends to attribute mythical qualities to those you want. you people are looking for someone larger than life, whom you can truly admire; and because of this you tend to expect a great deal from their lovers. mars in leos are prone to serial monogamy, falling passionately in love with someone who seems to embody all the qualities they want. during this phase, they will see the lover as perfect, and will be arresting in their praise. they will devote all their energy and attention to pleasing this person until the imperfections begin to appear. then they begin to feel angry and cheated as though the lover has deliberately set out to deceive them and let them down. the tendency then is to be very critical and see only the bad whereas before they had seen only the good. 

people with mars in leo like to dramatize, so they will tend to draw a lot of people in to sympathize with their disappointment. they are proud and unyielding, so this pattern tends to be repeated many times before they are able to stop blaming others and see how fixed and unrealistic expectations bring about their own disappointment. for them, sex is generally one of life's pleasures. they give a great deal of attention to setting the scene and creating the right atmosphere. their bedroom will be the most important room in the home, and will likely be beautifully decorated in rich, romantic colours. 

sex is an important performance to them; and they like everything to be exactly right. it’s like staging the first night of a play; and great care is taken to ensure success. they know exactly what pleases people and enjoy giving pleasure, always bearing in mind that sex should be entertaining. they are generous with compliments and attention, and are able to make their partner feel really prized. because their self-esteem is bound up with sex, mars in leo people can be very sensitive to criticism and rejection. there is a strong tendency to feel that they have to put on a great performance in order to prove that they are better lovers than anyone else; and this can rob them of some of their natural spontaneity. when they trust their instincts, they have an intuitive knowledge of what is pleasurable; and this, together with their warmth and enthusiasm, can make them great lovers. 

people with mars in leo are attracted to success. they tend to look to their sexual partners to confirm their identity and enhance their status, so that achievement, wealth and fame are all things that turn them on. they like the good life and enjoy luxury, so someone who can offer these things is likely to seem very attractive to them; and they also get great pleasure from sharing their own good fortune. they have a great capacity for enjoying life. these people's pleasures are very important to them, so it is vital to them that their lovers have a sense of fun and are able to share these pleasures with them. they will quickly lose interest in someone who lacks a strong appetite for life/with a negative mindset. 

mars in leo people can be very arrogant and high-handed at times. their belief that they are a law unto themselves can create a lot of conflict, drama and heartbreak in their relationships. they find it difficult to back down once they have taken a stand, and they may rather end a relationship rather than admit they are wrong. touchy and easily hurt, they feel humiliated by rejection, and tend to need constant reassurance of their desirability. neing belittled or made fun of feels like death to the them; and anyone who does this will kill off any desire immediately. in order for a relationship to flourish, this person needs to feel appreciated and respected; and their partner must be attentive and generous with praise and encouragement. if these things are not forthcoming, the mars in leo will feel unwanted and turned off. to them, sex is life-giving and vital to their sense of identity. these people are seeking to discover their own uniqueness through it, and so put themselves wholeheartedly into it. it’s a creative act for them; and they need to feel proud of what they do. they are highly principled where sex is concerned, regarding faithfulness and loyalty as essential to a successful relationship. 

mars in virgo

someone with this mars will be moderate and self-contained. they will have the sensual sensitivity that all the earth signs possess, but they will be reserved in expressing it. sex does not matter much to them. unlike mars in taurus, they have no desire in the abstract so they are quite capable of long periods of celibacy if there is no-one around that interests them. when in a new relationship, however, they will initially be very sexually active, trying to make up for previous abstinence. 

while someone with mars in virgo still takes sensual pleasure in their body for its own sake and very into masturbation, this is tempered by a practical, matter-of-fact attitude to physical needs and desires. this is not someone who is easily drawn into the excesses of a mars in taurus; mars in virgo is far more circumspect and health-conscious. someone with mars in virgo will have considerable caution in getting involved in a relationship. they do not want to make a mistake, and will select a partner with care. in choosing, they seek to fulfil quite particular criteria. in extreme cases, a prospective partner may feel like a job applicant being measured against a detailed set of requirements to see if they’re is suitable for the position. virgo has a reputation for being choosy, fussy and critical; and for someone with mars here, they can bring all of this to bear in their approach to a sexual partner. 

virgo is a very analytical sign, and mars in virgo can be analytical to an extreme. at their worst, these people will lose track of the inherent meaning in a situation, in trying to unravel and understand the detail. they can analyse a situation to death. more positively, they will always be prepared to talk about things and to try to undersatnd themselves and their partner. mars in virgos may want a partner who is useful, perhaps someone who helps out with practical or technical problems; and they may offer this to those they are involved with. joint ventures and activities will be an important part of their relationships.