#i was put on this earth to have a good time and thats what i've been doing. i'm happy. even if i don't have a lot going on

[snowflop]

[amomentsescape]

can I also request to yandere slashers and sinclair brothers with a pregnant reader that gets kidnapped if thats ok? Thank you hope im not requesting too much, no pressure to make it 😅

Yandere! Slashers with Pregnant Reader That Gets Kidnapped

Yandere! Slashers x Reader (Separate)

Includes: Freddy, Michael, Jason, Thomas, Bubba, Brahms, Norman, Billy, Stu, Vincent, Bo, & Lester

Warnings: Yandere behavior, mentions of pregnancy, typical Slasher behavior

A/N: No worries! Thank you for requesting :) I also apologize if my last couple of Slasher fics have been a bit short. I've been stuck in a brain fog this past week.

Freddy Krueger

The moment Freddy sees you gone, he just laughs

You couldn't be that stupid to just leave, could you?

You can't escape him when he can show up at any point no matter where you are

However, him popping up and seeing you being held hostage by someone else...

Freddy's smile fades

Of course you wouldn't leave him

But who dares to have put you and his child at risk?

The moment he sees them, he doesn't even care

He immediately slashes their throat and picks you up, not wasting any time taking you back to where you belong

Michael Myers

The kidnapper was careless

Don't they know that Michael would walk to the ends of the earth for you and his child?

His abilities know no bounds

He finds your location within a single night

All you can hear at first are screams and splatters, not sure what is going on outside your little room

But the moment you see Michael, you immediately relax

You weren't sure he would come for you

But here he was

And without a word, he has you lifted in his bloody arms as he walks you back home

Just know he won't be letting you out of his sight at all now

Jason Voorhees

He can hear your screams echo throughout the woods

He knows this area like the back of his hand anyways, so it doesn't take long to locate you

The way you're holding onto your stomach, trying to protect the child from any harm, has Jason seeing nothing but red

He doesn't even want to fool around with the assailant

His machete is plunged into the top of their head before they can even let out a scream

His mood does a complete 180 when he looks back to you, gently taking you in his arms to make sure you weren't hurt

He just sits with you on the ground for a while, rocking you in his arms

He's attempting to comfort you, but there's a part of him that's also trying to comfort himself

Thomas Hewitt

When he comes home to the door wide open, he immediately panics

You didn't leave him... did you?

He thought you were finally happy

Teary eyed and angered, Thomas storms out into the night to look for you

He had wandered pretty far into the area when he heard your screams

Some crazy family seemed to have taken you from your home

Your screams were immediately cut off by the sound of a chainsaw, cutting right into the door

Your kidnappers jumped up and attempted to flee, but Thomas was quick to catch up

You had your ears covered and your eyes tightly shut when he came back in

He gently pulled your hands down and lifted you up

He carried you home without any hesitation

Bubba Sawyer

The screams of devastation he lets out can literally be heard from miles around

Doesn't even want to consider that you left him

You've been so good the last few months

There's no way you would have just left like this

After an hour of him frantically searching around the area, he can finally hear your voice

You were talking to the stranger, asking them to please let you go

The fact that they just kept ignoring you made Bubba even more angry

They only finally looked up when they heard the revving of his chainsaw

They didn't even have time to flee before they were cut in half

He runs over to you quickly, placing one hand on your stomach and the other on the side of your face

He was blubbering, promising you he'll do better next time

Brahms Heelshire

Well this was an incredibly stupid decision on their part

Don't they know that Brahms doesn't ever leave the house?

And wherever you are, he will be too

The kidnapper doesn't even make it out the door with you

The moment Brahms hears your screams, it's over

He emerges from the wall and grabs the kidnapper

You watch as Brahms slams the person's head into the wall, over and over again until they're just a bloody pulp

He storms over to you and grabs you roughly, looking your body over to make sure you and the baby weren't hurt

He traps you in bed with him for the rest of the night

His arms act as a cage, not letting you up for anything

Norman Bates

Everything is a bit of a blur

He comes home to the place ransacked, you nowhere in sight

You weren't reckless

He knows you wouldn't have done this

He turns to go search for you, and that's when things go black

He finally comes to with you crying in his arms on a dirty floor

An unrecognizable body lays beside him, blood pooling everywhere

But you and his child are safe

That's all that matters now

And he'll make sure nothing like this ever happens again

Billy Loomis

Billy is immediately in a rage when he sees you're gone

There is no way you're going to leave him

Never

He'll break into every house in this town if he has to

And that's just what he does

It's only after the 7th house that he finds you tied up to a chair

Oh you poor thing

Of course you didn't leave him

The scene before you quickly becomes bloody

A few bodies lie splattered on the floor, Billy tending to the rope around you

He apologizes for letting this happen and kisses you deeply

It's only later that night you hear of 7 families that had been found slashed in their own homes

There really is no limit when it comes to Billy

Stu Macher

He has a mental breakdown when he sees that you're gone

Goes into a fit of hysterical laughter as he reaches for his knife

He doesn't want to hurt you, but he will if he must

When he hears a scream echo not too far from where he was searching, he sprints to it

And when he sees you being held by some random person, Stu's crazed smile finally drops

He lunges, and things go out of control

Stu is left with a few cuts and bruises, but he doesn't care

He immediately looks you over and makes sure you're not hurt

When he's content, he takes you home and cuddles up with you on the couch, bloody clothes and all

Vincent Sinclair

Vincent doesn't like to venture too far from home, but he'll do it for you

Seeing that you're gone makes him assume the worse

He marches outside the home, already searching every nook and cranny of this desolate place

And it works out in his favor once he sees you in an old building, knocked unconscious

He smashed his way through the window immediately

The attackers come running towards him, but he was quick to act

You awoke to a bloody mess beside you and a worried Vincent knelt in front of you

He rests his hands on your stomach and you nod, letting him know you and the baby are okay

He's content with this and wraps you in his arms to take you back home

Bo Sinclair

If he can't have you, no one can

When he's sees you're gone, he assumes you left just like he knew you were going to try

He hunts you down immediately, ready to do what needed to be done, only to see you scared and tied up

Oh, now Bo can't help the growing smile on his face

You didn't want to leave him, and now he can have fun with whoever was stupid enough to do this

Will knock them unconscious and take you both home

He'll make their death a long and painful one

But it's another addition to the wax museum

One that he is most proud of

Lester Sinclair

He instantly tears up at the idea that you left him

He almost doesn't even want to go after you, but you're also carrying his child

He can't just let you go that easily

He of course checks Ambrose first, and he considers himself lucky to have found you as soon as he did

But seeing you being held by some random person was not what he had planned

Lester's self pity quickly evolves to pure anger

He jumps in and immediately attacks, not even thinking of finding a weapon first

His adrenaline kicks in and it doesn't take long before he kills the kidnapper, suffocating them to death

He then wraps himself up with you, holding you close and apologizing over and over again

[waddleonmywaywardducks]

How to get back into your practice after a burnout

Alot of times in our practices, we often just straight up forget. Not going to lie to you I didn't practice much until I got out of my mom's home...which was one year ago. And I also have a theory that since paganism isnt dogmatic and is meant to be ran by a community we fall out really easy, it's natural, paganism is different now. But anyways here is chaos's master guide on how to put on your big girl panties and get back the work.

(disclaimer: just because these things worked for me doesn't mean it's going to work for everyone else, this post is completely upg. I'm just offering advice.)

Starting out small

What never stuck to me is those post that are like: "stir your intentions into your coffee, light incense, pray" because like yeah thats a good way to start off I really dont think itll set in our brains to do this everyday. Instead what I recommend is finding days to practice and sticking to that day. Find a day where you useally do nothing and dedicate it to getting back into your practice.

You could use this day to research on all the things you forgotten (been there)

Or you could just leave offerings out for your deities and call it a day

I think if you uphold a certain schedule your mind will get into the habit of "oh today's witch day, time to do witchcraft" this is basic psychology, and I promise it works 😭😭

Deity work and getting back into it

Little reminder: your gods are not mad at you. They do not hate you. They love you.

I have had so many falling outs with deities because I just couldn't uphold a schedule. Hekate being one of them. Hekate really showed me the way once I moved out of my mother's house, and after so many ins and outs of my worship to her, she still showed me love and compassion. I promise your gods will do the same. They understand our mortal lives more then you comprehend. After all, this is their earth.

Stuff you can do to get back into worship with your deities:

- offerings, big or small

- dedicate days to them, in my schedule Hekate is worshipped on Monday, and Aphrodite on Friday.

- research ways to connect with them more

- don't make big promises that you will get back into your practice and never fall out again, thats just putting yourself in more responsibility, your gods will now expect that responsibility. I've done this before and I definitely got side eyed by Hekate 😭😭

I recommend reading over these lovely post by @/khaire-traveler

Subtle deity worship

I honestly used this alot to get back into worship with my deities 😭😭 these posts go into worship you could do for deities while you are either hiding your practice or just want to do something for your gods. Really helpful post 10/10.

Getting back into witchcraft

I know I kind of went over this already, but I feel like there needs to be some small steps to getting back into witchcraft before we get to rituals, spells and stuff of that sort.

To get back into witchcraft, I recommend meditating, either by yourself or with your deities. Meditation allows you to just focus on the present and let go of all your stresses. I like to meditate with my deities because I get visions from them easily this way, it's easier for me to communicate.

From there you can do research on the basics of witchcraft and work your way up to rituals and spell work... hopefully all of this makes sense

Anyways yeah that's all the advice I have to getting back into your practice, if I have anything else to add I'll reblog this and add more. But yeah! I really hopes this helps at least someone lol.

[tinycoffeeroom]

thank god for bikes | arthurtv

inspired by @mrstelevision 🤍

face claim: steph bohrer ♡

request: here !

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

📍 london

liked by gkbarry, max_balegde, and 98,302 others

y/nsworld about last night ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

view all 3,392 comments

user1 i'm in love with you

gkbarry cant believe i didn't even get photo creds ↳ y/nsworld please forgive my sins oh great gkbarry

user2 y/n!! i think the guys u mentioned on ur twt was george clarke and arthurtv!! arthur posted on twt about george getting hit by a bike on a wall!! ↳ y/nsworld !! let me check his twt <3

liked by y/nsworld, wroetoshaw and 29,492 others

arthurtv first pic taken moments before disaster (at least this one won't leave a scar)

georgeclarkeey don't know what was worse, the bike ptsd or you dribbling down your shirt ↳ arthurtv your mum doesn't mind my dribbling ↳ y/nsworld the dribbling was funnier to watch tbh ↳ georgeclarkeey take that mr television

gkbarry i didn't even notice it was you guys hiding in the corner ↳ georgeclarkeey just wanted some alone time with my boyfriend x ↳ arthurtv stop telling people i'm your boyfriend!!

👤 max_balegde liked by max_balegde, arthurtv and 38,028 others

y/nsworld wine in coffee cups and classic literature in a park, my idea of heaven ꕤ

max_balegde got home off my head and now andrews mad i've ruined dinner plans ↳ y/nsworld andrew baby im so sorry :( ↳ andrew_spanndy could never blame you xx ↳ max_balegde god just date her already wooooow

gkbarry regret introducing the two of you, my poor ears will never recover from this ↳ y/nsworld thats your fault for putting two professional yappers together xx

arthurtv pretty sure that's bride you're reading... wouldn't call werewolf smut classic literature ↳ y/nsworld and how do YOU know what's in the book? 🤨

👤 arthur_tv, max_balegde liked by y/nsworld, arthurnfhill and 30,395 others

georgeclarkeey totally normal photo to promote the newest useless hotline ep x

max_balegde rip my purple crocs... can't believe y/n stole them right off my feet... ↳ user2 !!! y/n at the arthurtv podcast recording?? my y/ntv senses are tingling ↳ user3 i'm pretty sure she was there bc her and max are friends... ♥️ y/nsworld ↳ user2 they've never randomly had their friends at recordings, dw you'll join the y/ntv cult soon

📍 ibiza

👤 georgeclarkeey, chrismd, arthurnfhill liked by arthurnfhill, y/nsworld and 45,028 others

arthurtv thank you spotify for inviting us out! (photo cred: y/nsworld)

user2 i am going to scream from the rooftops, y/ntv'ers unite!!

y/nsworld should receive compensation for having to look at george's bare grippers the entire weekend ↳ arthurtv will bring round some wine this weekend ↳ y/nsworld good boy ↳ user2 ... y'all are fucking with me atp

📍 ibiza

liked by arthurtv, gkbarry and 83,028 others

y/nsworld beach bum 𓇼

gkbarry happiness looks so good on you ↳ y/nsworld i love the bones of you

user2 !! WHO TOOK THE PHOTO I FEEL INSANE ↳ y/nsworld my friend! :)

📍 ibiza

liked by y/nsworld, georgeclarkeey and 49,204 others

arthurtv decided to stay in the sunshine a few more days :)

user3 user2 i fear you may be onto something ↳ user2 i'm gonna eat glass. like i am actually putting shards in my mouth rn ↳ y/nsworld omg pls don't

y/nsworld looking good mr television ↳ arthurtv why thank you miss world

liked by arthurtv, max_balegde and 83,028 others

y/nsworld use code ynsworld for 15% off ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

max_balegde leaving my bf for you rn. ↳ andrew_spanndy not if i leave you first ↳ y/nsworld i can date both of you at the same time xx

arthurtv djsidjief djg ↳ y/nsworld you ok mr television?

y/nsworld didn't even think about what i was wearing when i went to go see mr hill sing about cold coffee, sorry guys you got the wrong arthur xx

POST DELETED

👤 y/nsworld liked by y/nsworld, arthurnfhill and 93,294 others

arthurtv someone forgot to change over to their finsta so i guess it's hard launch time... somehow got the most gorgeous girl on earth to agree to date me, must be my fantastic sense of humour

y/nsworld lbr most of them already knew, we weren't exactly subtle ↳ arthurtv speak for yourself xx

theburntchip it's the big ol' hog you got in them trousers ♥️ y/nsworld ↳ arthurtv ah yes forgot about that

max_balegde take care of her or me and andrew are snatching her real quick ↳ y/nsworld ... i may have to do some rethinking

user2 i can't believe i was right... VINDICATION ♥️ arthurtv, y/nsworld

👤 arthur_tv liked by arthurtv, gkbarry and 104,845 others

y/nsworld told him i forgot to change to finsta but really i just wanted to show that i bagged a hottie ✮⋆˙

georgeclarkeey still can't believe you snatched him from right under my nose ↳ y/nsworld we're still in the honeymoon phase so i may give him back x ↳ arthurtv what the fuck

gkbarry crying into a pint of ice cream thanks xx ↳ y/nsworld you know you're the love of my life xx

y/nsworld also user2 sorry for gaslighting you xx ↳ user2 i have never been so happy to be gaslighted could do a happy lil cry ↳ y/nsworld our fave y/ntv'er we love you ♡

[sillyjpeg]

BILL'S SOUL CONTRACT DECODED.

I was planning on doing this at some point, so here is the entirety of bills soul contract decoded! here is the contract just for reference:

if this flops i WILL cry, i spent 3 hours on this.

but here is the entire decoded version:

YOU ARE NOW TWENTY ONE GRAMS LIGHTER

THIS CONTRACT US LEGAL AND BINDING, WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO USE YOUR LIKENESS, FACE, VOICE, AND SMALL TOWN PLUCK IN WHATEVER NEFARIOUS MANNER IS DEEMED NECESSARY. SANE SOUL, YOUR SOULMATE WILL NOT RECOGNIZE YOU AND WILL WALK RIGHT PAST YOU ON A COLD AUTUMN DAY, NEVER MAKING EYE CONTACT. NOT EVER PROCESSING THAT YOU HAVE EYES AT ALL. NO AMOUNT OF INTERACTION WILL MOVE THEM TO A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN REMEMBER. IN FEELING, THE THOUSANDS OF LIFETIMES YOU HAVE ALREADY SPENT TOGETHER, EACH TIME CHOOSING WHATEVER FORM WOULD KEEP YOU CLOSEST LIKE OTTERS HOLDING HANDS IN A TUMULTUOUS RIVER. YOU WERE BIRDS, YOU WERE TREES WITH ROOTS ENTANGLED, DRINKING IN THE SUNLIGHT TOGETHER. WHEREVER WE GO NEXT, WHEREVER YOU CHOOSE, I WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!!

THATS DONE. BUDDY, CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE CHOSEN BILL INSTEAD. MCDONALDS RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT A GIANT YELLOW M ON YOUR TORSO AND FOREHEAD AND SEND YOU WALKING THROUGH A CROWDED TIMES SQUARE WHILE YOU SCREAM “THE FRIES, THE FRIES! THEY DON'T DEGRADE IN NATURE!!! ITS AN IMMORTAL FOOD!!! THAT WILL BE IN THE LANDFILLS LONG PAST OUR DEATHS!” GOOD GOD. THE THINGS I'VE SEEN. ME? WHO AM I? OH IM BILL’S PREVIOUS LAWYER. HE PUT MY SOUL INTO A QUILL PEN SO I CAN WRITE HIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS UNTIL THE SUN SNUFFS OUT LIKE A CANDLE IN THIS SICK UNIVERSE. I USED TO BE SO HOT. I WAS SO FINE. NOW I’M FINE PRINT. BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT YOUR SOUL INTO AN INANIMATE OBJECT, A STRANGE CREATURE, A CONCEPT, A SENTENCE, A TASTEFUL BUT RUSTIC MASON JAR WITH WILDFLOWERS IN IT.

IF AT ANY POINT YOU WISH TO HAVE VISITATION RIGHTS WITH YOUR SOUL, YOU WILL BE SWIFTLY DENIED. UNLESS YOU HAD A COOL SAY PLANNED FOR THE BOTH OF YOU. THEN BILL MIGHT WANT TO COME ALONG. BY SIGNING THIS DOCUMENT YOU FORFEIT ANY RIGHTS TO EATING SOUL FOOD. IT WILL TURN TO ASK IN YOUR MOUTH. A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR A FOOL WHO SQUANDERED THE ONLY TRUE GIFT LIFE OWES YOU. BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DRESS YOUR SOUL HOWEVER HE DEEMS NECESSARY. ESPECIALLY IF YOUR SOUL WAS A NERD BEFORE ACQUISITION. SOULMAKEOVERRR! YOUR SOUL MAY BECOME FRACTURED AND PLACED INTO DIFFERENT OBJECTS. THIS HAS NO PURPOSE AND WILL NOT RESURRECT YOU IF YOU DIE. SIGNEE HAS FORFEITED ALL RIGHTS TO ANY AFTERLIFE. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: HEAVEN, HELL, PURGATORY, BIG CORNER, FLOW STATE, THE DREAM HOUSE, AXOLOTLS TANK AND CONSEQUENCES HOLE.

SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER BOARD ANY SOUL TRAIN AND IS ADVISED TO DISCARD ALL BELLBOTTOMS. SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER HAVE A PUPPY AS A BEST FRIEND, THEY CAN SENSE WHAT IS GONE. CATS ARE INDIFFERENT. SIGNEE MAY EXPERIENCE OCCASIONAL DEMON POSSESSION FROM HORCULUS THE RED, PLABOS THE MERCILESS, MORBUS SON OF MORTEN, PLAGE THE OOAING AND OTHER SUCH COMMON DEMONS ROAMING EARTH SEARCHING FOR  EMPTY VESSELS.

TIPS FOR RIPPING YOUR SOUL OUT AT HOME: WATCHING YOUTUBE COMMENTARY CHANNELS, ATTENDING AN EXTENDED FAMILY EVENT WITH AN OPEN BAR, USING GENERATIVE AI AND ASSERTING THAT YOU ARE CREATIVE, TURNING A BLIND EYE TO HUMAN SUFFERING, AMASSING MORE WEALTH THAN NEEDED, PURCHASING A BLUE CHECKMARK.

i was giggling decoding this, and my hand is now cramping. the punctuation is based on whatever i was feeling and made sense, comment if i translated something wrong.

[s0lemnhypn0s]

I translated the jargon at the bottom of bills contract on the thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com.

the top part says

"YOU ARE NOW TWENTY ONE GRAMS LIGHTER"

but the rest of it says:

"THIS CONTRACT IS LEGAL AND BINDING, WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO USE YOUR LIKENESS, FACE, VOICE, AND SMALL TOWN PLUCK IN WHATEVER NEFARIOUS MANNER IS DEEMED NECCESARY. SANS SOUL, YOUR SOULMATE WILL NOT RECOGNIZE YOU AND WILL WALK RIGHT PAST YOU ON A COLD AUTUMN DAY, NEVER MAKING EYE CONTACT, NOT EVEN PROCESSING THAT YOU HAVE EYES AT ALL, NO AMOUNT OF INTERACTION WILL MOVE THEM TO A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN REMEMBER IN FEELING THE THOUSANDS OF LIFETIMES YOU HAVE ALREADY SPENT TOGETHER, EACH CHOOSING WHATEVER FORM WOULD KEEP YOU CLOSEST LIKE OTTERS HOLDING HANDS IN A TUMULTUOUS RIVER. YOU WERE BIRDS, YOU WERE TREES WITH ROOTS ENTANGLED, DRINKING IN THE SUNLIGHT TOGETHER. WHEREVER WE GO NEXT, WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE, I WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. THATS DONE, BUDDY! CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE CHOSEN BILL INSTEAD. MCDONALDS RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT A GIANT YELLOW M ON YOUR TORSO AND FOREHEAD AND SEND YOU WALKING THROUGH A CROWDED TIMES SQUARE WHILE YOU SCREAM. THE FRIES, THE FRIES, THEY DONT DEGRADE IN NATURE, ITS AN IMMORTAL FOOD, THEY WILL BE IN THE LAND FILLS LONG PAST OUR DEATHS, GOOD GOD, THE THINGS I'VE SEEN. ME, WHO AM I? OH I'M BILLS PREVIOUS LAWYER, HE PUT MY SOUL INTO A QUILL PEN SO I CAN WRITE HIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS UNTIL THE SUN SNUFFS OUT LIKE A CANDLE IN THIS SICK UNIVERSE. I USED TO BE SO HOT, I WAS SO FINE, NOW I'M FINE PRINT, SPEAKING OF WHICH, BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT YOUR SOUL INTO AN INANIMATE OBJECT, A STRANGE CREATURE, A CONCEPT, A SENTENCE, A TASTEFUL BUT RUSTIC MASON JAR WITH WILDFLOWERS IN IT. IF AT ANY POINT YOU WISH TO HAVE VISITATION RIGHTS WITH YOUR SOUL YOU WILL BE SWIFTLY DENIED, UNLESS YOU HAD A COOL DAY PLANNED FOR THE BOTH OF YOU, THEN BILL MIGHT WANT TO COME ALONG. BY SIGNING THIS DOCUMENT YOU FORFEIT ANY RIGHTS TO EATING SOUL FOOD, IT WILL TURN TO ASH BY YOUR MOUTH, A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR A FOOL WHO SQUANDERED THE ONLY TRUE GIFT LIFE OWES YOU. BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DRESS YOUR SOUL HOWEVER HE DEEMS NECCESARY, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR SOUL WAS A NERD BEFORE ACQUISITION. SOUL MAKEOVERRR. YOUR SOUL MAY BECOME FRACTURED AND PLACED INTO DIFFERENT OBJECTS, THIS HAS NO PURPOSE AND WILL NOT RESURRECT YOU IF YOU DIE. SIGNEE HAS FORFEITED ALL RIGHTS TO ANY AFTERLIFE, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: HEAVEN, HELL, PURGATORY, BIG CORNER, FLOW STATE, THE DREAM HOUSE, THE REINCARNATION PROCESSING CENTER, AXOLOTL'S TANK AND CONSEQUENCES HOLE, SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER BOARD THE SOUL TRAIN AND IS ADVISED TO DISCARD ALL BELLBOTTOMS. SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER HAVE A PUPPY AS A BEST FRIEND, THEY CAN SENSE WHAT IS GONE. CATS ARE INDIFFERENT. SIGNEE MAY EXPERIENCE OCCASIONAL DEMON POSSESSIONS FROM HORCULUS THE RED, PLABOS THE MERCILESS, MORBUS SON OF MORTEM, PLAGA THE OOZING, AND OTHER SUCH COMMON DEMONS ROAMING EARTH SEARCHING FOR WEAKENED EMPTY VESSELS. TIPS FOR RIPPING YOUR SOUL OUT AT HOME: WATCHING YOUTUBE COMMENTARY CHANNELS, ATTENDING AN EXTENDED FAMILY EVENT WITH AN OPEN BAR, USING GENERATIVE AI AND ASSERTING THAT YOU ARE CREATIVE, TURNING A BLIND EYE TO HUMAN SUFFERING, AMASSING MORE WEALTH THAN NEEDED, PURCHASING A BLUE CHECKMARK"

I translated all of this by hand and I got a headache for it you guys better appreciate this and if someone beat me to the finish ill cry

[sinfulpanda16]

Forget Him Sweetheart

Gojo Saturo x fem reader

Synopsis: You were just cheated on by your shit ex and go seek comfort from your friend Gojo, but one thing leads to another and soon you receive a huge comfort

You open the door to your apartment and head inside. So many things going on in your head and all of it gave you the biggest migraine. You close the door behind you and set your keys on the little table beside you. You stand there for a second and then your tears start to fall. You were able to hold them back when you saw your boyfriend cheating on you, on the drive home, and on the way up to your apartment. You wanted to be that woman you've always seeked to be. The one that would throw away her man like trash when he was caught cheating and not even be phased about it, but you couldn't hold them back. It only hurt your head more.

You walk to your bedroom and wrap yourself under the covers. This pain was immense, it hurt so much anyone could hear it in your cry. You grab one of your stuffed animals and cry into them trying to avoid being too loud. You never thought of yourself as cheatable but right now that's all you're calling yourself. Someone who can be cheated on easily. That night you fall asleep crying thinking that the last thing you thought of was yourself as unlovable but really the last thought in your head before you fell asleep was the thought of him, Gojo Saturo.

The next day you were working at your job. A cafe where a regular would visit. All the baristas fawned over him and honestly you did too. How could you not he was so tall and charming and not to sound full of yourself, he had a thing for you. Always calling you by pet names, sweet thing and sweetheart, he made you feel beautiful. Your friend had a way with women and you've always told him his future wife would be the luckiest girl on earth.

Speak of the devil, a tall white-head enters the cafe and immediately makes eye contact with you. He smirks and goes to sit at a table by the window. You go and stand next to him, "Hello ready for your order?"

Gojo looks up at you with an eyebrow raised, "What's wrong sweetheart. No 'Good Sir' today?" You have gotten close to him to the point where you'd call him Sir or Mr as a joke. Your guys relationship had a little bit of teasing in it but thats all it was you never thought more of it.

You gave a weak smile. "Oh sorry, I've just been," a flashback of your boyfriend kissing another womans neck came to your head. You heart pound against your chest and you subconsciously clutched the fabric of your uniform above your heart. You sighed, "I just been under the weather lately." You tried of thinking about anything else that would stop the tears from falling.

Gojo did not like the view in front of him. Why was sweet thing crying? He could tell that something was wrong but he knew he shouldn't push you here of all places. He could also tell that you were trying to hide it and probably felt embarrassed.

He chuckles softly, "Well then, I have my order ready."

You look at him and get ready to write down his order in your little notepad. He looks at you, "The whole menu. Cuz it's me-n-u." You're stunned but you laugh anyway. Gojo smirks, there we go that's better. Seeing that smile on your face just looks right.

You shove his shoulder playfully, "You wierdo."

He chuckles, "Ok for real though, can I get the espresso with..." he looks back at the menu for a bit but then turns to you "What are your favorite cookies from here?"

You smile at him, "I like (f/c). They're amazing Gojo! You should try them."

He puts his menu down, "Alright then sweetheart I'll have two (f/c) please."

You write down his order in your little notepad and giggle, "Alright then we'll have your order ready for you in no time."

He leans back in his chair "I'll be waiting. Don't take too long." he says giving you a wink. You blush and turn around to make his coffee all while Gojo stares at you in your cute uniform.

Gojo is smooth as hell. He didn't take his eyes of you. Anytime you were gonna look at his direction he'd already turn away to avoid your gaze. His strong instincts just knew that something was wrong. While you were making his coffee you looked a bit too sad when usually you would be smiling and he'd get to enjoy watching you be cute. Whatever happened to make you this depressed made him want to fight your problems for you. He would fight for you but you two established from the start that you guys would just be friends and so he knew it was not his place to go fending for you. That was your boyfriends' job.

After a while he finishes his drink and was on his last cookie. He grabs the last one and takes a bite of it. Why are you so cute? Even your favorite cookies were cute like you. He gets up and heads towards you where you were cleaning one of the tables. He acts dramatic when he says "MMM! These are good. I was expecting you to have terrible taste." he teases.

"Tch you're the one with terrible taste. Don't go rubbing it off on me." you tease back. By now the cafe has gotten filled with customers so you go back cleaning the table you were cleaning. You wish you could've just stayed home and take the day off. After what happened last night you honestly didn't have the will to work today. But if you didn't than you never were gonna become that strong woman who doesn't cry over a man.

"Sweet thing." Gojo calls for you softly interrupting your thoughts.

You look up at him. Although his eyes are covered with a blindfold, you can still read his facial expression. He had a soft look on him like if he was worried for you. You stare at his facial features and then he holds out the last piece of his (f/c) for you to eat. You stood there frozen for a sec. The rest of the cafe disappeared and right now it was just you and him. Then after a while you open your mouth and go to eat the cookie he has in his hand for you. You were careful to not put your lips on his fingers, but you accidentally did, and you didn't move back. You loved his taste and frankly he loved the feeling your pretty lips touching his fingers. You slowly pull away and chew on the cookie and then looked up at him.

He's looking down at you and then he rests the palm of his hand on your cheek. "Listen darling, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. I'm here to listen and comfort you. Ok?" he says waiting for a response.

In a quiet voice you say "Ok" and he smiles softly at you. Without another word he turns around and leaves. You stood there for a bit watching him leave.

For the rest of your shift, you didn't stop thinking about him. Truth is you did need someone to talk to and you also just wanted to see and be with him. So when you got of work instead of going home you went to his place. You're not sure why but you get the feeling that soon after your gonna forget all about these thrash feelings right now.

Finally you arrive and you go up to his door. You ring the doorbell to his huge house and after a while he opens the door. "Oh sweet thing! What are you doing here?" he asks leaning towards you.

You respond shyly "You said I can talk to you when I need someone. Gojo I need someone." Gojo shocked allows you inside and he brings you to his living room. He was being so sweet the entire time. You've never seen this side of him and you've never had anyone be that kind to you. Not even your own boyfriend. Your boyfriend cheating came back to mind.

You stop walking and Gojo turns around and goes to you a bit worried. You sniff "I'm sorry it's just-" you get cut off by Gojo. Telling you that shouldn't apologize for feeling upset. Gojo goes closer to you and you feel safe. Such a pretty feeling, you've been around strong men before but not once have you ever felt this intense feeling of comfort and security.

You let go, "My boyfriend cheated on me. I don't know why he did it. I know I'm not all that pretty but the least he could've done is brake up with me. It would've stung yes but not as much as this." You continue to cry and the entire time Gojo hates it. That fucking bastard. He thought that guy was doing his job of fending for you.

"I'm such an unlovable piece of shit! I'm not worth being loved"

Those words made Gojo wrap his arms around you. He was avoiding touching you because he didn't want to invade any of your personal space, but after hearing those heartbreaking words he knew he had to hold you.

You continue to let out your emotions in his chest. The whole time Gojo did not let go and after a while you begin to calm down. "Baby listen to me." Baby? You wipe your tears again and look up at him. "Its the other way around, that bastard does not deserve to love you. You deserve only the best kind of love and trust me when i say you do have it." He pulls a strand of hair behind your ear. He smirks, "I know you're not supposed to hear this right now but I love you sweetheart. Always had and always will and hearing you talk like this hurts. Seeing you cry hurts sweet thing. You are loved. I love you sweetheart."

God how you needed to hear those words. I love you. And those words are coming from him. You slowly start to realize the whole time you should've been with him. You start to realize that it's not your fucking boyfriend cheating on you that made you cry. It was the lack of love. The lack of his love. It was him that made has always made you feel beautiful and loved and right now you wanted that even more.

Gojo notices how your look went from sadness to lust. Careful with his next move he decides to let you do whatever you want to him. You lean in closer to lips and with that he lets you kiss him. Thats all he needed and now he can pull you closer by you waist and deepen your kiss. He continues to kiss you and then pulls away.

The taste was amazing unlike anything you've ever tasted before. Gojo smirks, "I wasn't expecting you to get so bold sweet thing." You're so hot now. You want more of him.

"Gojo please~" you sigh.

"What? Does baby want me to help her feel good?" he teases.

Now you go to kiss him again to which he happily returns. Without breaking the kiss he picks you up effortlessly and you wrap your legs around his waist. He takes you upstairs to his bedroom and places you on his bed. He gets on top of you and smirks, "Let me help you forget him sweetheart."

He takes your clothes off and you take his off. There you two were, fully naked with him on top but he was still wearing his blindfold. You reach out to take it off of him and he let's you, revealing his beautiful blue eyes. "You look beautiful" you tell him. He smiles and kisses your lips "As do you sweetheart"

He kisses every part of your body making sure you understand just how much he loves every part of you. All this riled up energy both of you have for each other leads to him positioning himself at your entrance already. You look up him with those gorgeous eyes and he goes to kiss you on your lips, "I'm gonna take good care of you darling." and before you can say anything he starts sliding into you.

He's so big, "Ah~ Gojo" you whimper and the only thing Gojo hears is music to his ears. Fuck so far he's been loving your cute noises but that whimper of filling you up made him smirk. He kisses your neck "Fuck baby you're so tight~" he says in a husky voice. You wrap your arms around his neck and wrap your arms around his waist wanting to feel every bit of him.

Gojo holds onto your hips "You're so cute when you're like this." he dotes on you. You look up at him with little tears in his eyes, "Please move~". So demanding, he licks your tears away and smirks, "Your wish is my command." He starts thrusting into you causing a wave of euphoria to rush into both of you. You feel amazing, he feels like he's in heaven and he wants, needs, you to feel the same so he focuses and making you feel good.

"Fuck yes~" you moan out loud. He's pounding into you with such force its driving you wild. As he continues to thrust into you he's looking at your face. Seeing you feel so good made him feel good and your noises drive him wild. You look into his eyes and the whole world disappears. Right now it's just you two making love and it feels so heavenly.

"Kiss me~" you moan, he leans in and kisses you. The kiss was full of passion and lust.

He pulls away, continuing to thrust into you the room full of moans and your whimpering. "Is my princess feeling good~" he moans to you which you nod your head, "Yes baby~ you feel so fucking good~"

50 minutes later of him thrusting into you and you hanging on for dear life and your phone rings. Gojo didn't even see it but it was right beside your head. He looks at the caller ID and its that fucking bastard. He answers the call and puts it on loud speaker.

Baby can we please talk about this

At the sound of that Gojo starts thrusting in and out faster and rougher and you moan but he's quick to kiss you, so you don't give away your secret just yet.

I miss you (Y/N). That girl meant nothing to me, I promise if you come back things will be different.

Gojo is thrusting into you with rage. He'll be damned if he thinks you'll go back to him. You whimper his name making Gojo smirk, he's got you now and he's not gonna let you go.

"(Y/N) please give me another chance.

Both of you laughed at that and Gojo pulls out flips you onto your tummy thrusts back into you causing you to let out a load moan. He's pounding you faster and rougher and he's not being dicrete about it anymore.

"(Y/N)?" the guys calls for you with confusion in his voice.

Gojo smirks, "My baby isn't going back to him huh? Who do you belong to princess?" he asks between pants. Loud and and proud for him to hear. You respond "I belong to you Gojo.~" you say breathlessness and before the guy can say another word Gojo hangs up on him and now you're both at your reach.

"Gojo I'm *whimper* close~" you moan out. Gojo grabs your jaw and makes you look up at him. He kisses you, moaning in it, and then says "Me too baby. Together yeah? On three" you nod your head eagerly.

One.

You're already such a moaning mess and this causing you to moan even louder the whole world can hear.

Two.

Fuck Gojo is so close he starts pounding into you at an insane speed and with such force causing you cry out.

Three!

You both release and make it well known with your voices. He falls onto you panting and chuckles lightly, "That was amazing sweetheart." You reach up to play with his hair "You were amazing baby." He gives you a gentle kiss and says he'll be back. He leaves to the bathroom and comes back with a towel. He wipes you both down and then lays in bed with you holding you close.

"Gojo?" you call his name. He looks at you with his mesmerizing blue eyes, "I love you." he smiles "I love you too sweetheart"

You are that woman you want to be. A strong woman who forgets all about her cheating boyfriend and when she goes to find a better man to help her feel good.

[angelofdumpsterfires]

BILL'S CONTRACT FINE PRINT DECIPHERED

I'm sure someone has beat me to this, but because I decided to decipher/translate all 1000ish words of the fine print on this here totally normal contract (by hand)

Bold code is theraprism substitution cipher, the rest is the author's substitution cipher, i've reformatted the text to be more readable but i've also made a version with the more accurate, original line formatting here

YOU ARE NOW TWENTY ONE GRAMS LIGHTER

THIS CONTRACT IS LEGAL AND BINDING, WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO USE YOUR LIKENESS, FACE, VOICE AND SMALL TOWN PLUCK IN WHATEVER NEFARIOUS MANNER IS DEEMED NECESSARY.

SANS SOUL YOUR SOULMATE WILL NOT RECOGNIZE YOU AND WILL WALK RIGHT PAST YOU ON A COLD AUTUMN DAY, NEVER MAKING EYE CONTACT, NOT EVEN PROCESSING THAT YOU HAVE EYES AT ALL. NO AMOUNT INTERACTION WILL MOVE THEM TO A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN REMEMBER - IN FEELING THE THOUSANDS OF LIFETIMES YOU HAVE ALREADY SPENT TOGETHER, EACH TIME CHOOSING WHATEVER FORM WOULD KEEP YOU CLOSEST LIKE OTTERS HOLDING HANDS IN A TUMULTUOUS RIVER. YOU WERE BIRDS, YOU WERE TREES WITH ROOTS ENTWINED, DRINKING IN THE SUNLIGHT TOGETHER. WHEREVER WE GO NEXT, WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE, I WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. -

THATS DONE BUDDY, CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE CHOSEN BILL INSTEAD.

MCDONALDS RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT A GIANT YELLOW M ON YOUR TORSO AND FOREHEAD AND SEND YOU WALKING THROUGH A CROWDED TIMES SQUARE WHILE YOU SCREAM “THE FRIES, THE FRIES, THEY DON'T DEGRADE IN NATURE… ITS AN IMMORTAL FOOD… THEY WILL BE IN THE LANDFILLS LONG PAST OUR DEATHS.”

GOOD GOD, THE THINGS S I’VE SEEN, ME. WHO AM I? OH BILL'S PREVIOUS LAWYER, HE PUT MY SOUL INTO A QUILL PEN SO I CAN WRITE HIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS UNTIL THE SUN SNUFFS OUT LIKE A CANDLE IN THIS SICK UNIVERSE. I USED TO BE SO HOT. I WAS SO FINE. NOW I'M FINE PRINT.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT YOUR SOUL INTO AN INANIMATE OBJECT, A STRANGE CREATURE, A CONCEPT, A SENTENCE, A TASTEFUL BUT RUSTIC MASON JAR WITH WILDFLOWERS IN IT.

IF AT ANY POINT YOU WISH TO HAVE VISITATION RIGHTS WITH YOUR SOUL YOU WILL BE SWIFTLY DENIED UNLESS YOU HAD A COOL DAY PLANNED FOR THE BOTH OF YOU, THEN BILL MIGHT COME ALONG.

BY SIGNING THIS DOCUMENT YOU FORFEIT ANY RIGHTS TO EATING SOUL FOOD, IT WILL TURN TO ASH IN YOUR MOUTH, A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR A FOOL WHO SQUANDERED THE ONLY TRUE GIFT LIFE OWES YOU.

BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DRESS YOUR SOUL HOWEVER HE DEEMS NECESSARY, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR SOUL WAS A NERD BEFORE ACQUISITION, SOUL MAKEOVERRR!

YOUR SOUL MAY BECOME FRACTURED AND PLACED INTO DIFFERENT OBJECTS. THIS HAS NO PURPOSE AND WILL NOT RESURRECT YOU WHEN YOU DIE.

SIGNEE HAS FORFEITED ALL RIGHTS OF ANY AFTERLIFE INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: HEAVEN, HELL, PURGATORY, BIG CORNER, FLOW STATE, THE DREAM HOUSE, THE REINCARNATION PROCESSING CENTER, AXOLOTL'S TANK AND CONSEQUENCES HOLE.

SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER BOARD THE SOUL TRAIN AND IS ADVISED TO DISCARD ALL BELLBOTTOMS.

SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER HAVE A PUPPY AS A BEST FRIEND, THEY CAN SENSE WHAT IS GONE. CATS ARE INDIFFERENT.

SIGNEE MAY EXPERIENCE OCCASIONAL DEMON POSSESSION FROM HORCULUS THE RED, PLABOS THE MERCILESS, MORBUS SON OF MORTEM, PLAGA THE OOZING AND OTHER SUCH COMMON DEMONS ROAMING EARTH SEARCHING FOR WEAKENED/EMPTY VESSELS.

TIPS FOR RIPPING YOUR SOUL OUT: WATCHING YOUTUBE COMMENTARY CHANNELS, ATTENDING AN EXTENDED FAMILY EVENT WITH AN OPEN BAR, USING GENERATIVE AI AND ASSERTING THAT YOU ARE CREATIVE, TURNING A BLIND EYE TO HUMAN SUFFERING, AMASSING MORE WEALTH THAN NEEDED, PURCHASING A BLUE CHECKMARK.

[babbling-idiot]

An offer you can't refuse

******

Venus Van Dam x Reader

Warning: Suggestive content. No actual smut.

(I can't believe I've been neglecting Venus for so long. I have some fic ideas in store for her, but I would absolutely appreciate some requests for her down the line, don't be a stranger! Hope you enjoy!!)

******

How could it be that you, a hotel manager would fall in love with one of the more well known "prostitutes". Well after seeing her countless times at the same hotel you just formed a "small" crush on the woman. Even though she usually had clients at your hotel, she would sometimes stop by the office and say hello. Thanking you for not charging her for the room and charging her clients instead. Of course the only reason you did this was that you had a crush on her but she didn't need to know that. You usually never asked her what her clients were like. Especially since you imagined most of them were the scum of the earth and not the kind of people you would like to be around.

Tonight was no different. Out in the front was an employee who was taking care of the rare customer every now and then, while you got caught up with paperwork. You were working a late shift when Venus walked into your office. She usually only stayed for a second to say hello and to make sure you would take care of the bill arrangement for her. Except this time when she stopped by she walked in further than usual, shut the door behind her and sat down in the chair across the desk in front of you. You were facing the computer when she walked in. So you saved the draft of an email you were conjuring up for the weekly report for your boss, who barley even showed his face at the establishment. You turned to her and clasped your hands in front of you before smiling her way.

"Well, Miss Venus, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

She smiles and shrugs.

"Oh. Just wanted to come by, spend time with my favorite hotel manager."

You tilt your head.

"You have other favorites huh? I'm hurt."

She shakes her head at you and finally places her head on her hand.

"Fun night?"

She rolls her head for a moment before putting it back on her hand.

"Oh darling, It has been chaos."

You can imagine how crazy it's been.

"I bet."

She takes a deep breath before looking around the office.

"I have a weird question for you."

She tilts her head in question. Not looking back you just yet.

"Well, why is it that I never see you with someone. Like you going on dates or just with someone thats not a client?"

She smiles and chuckles, tilting her head back. She thinks for a moment. She could lie to you and see if you see through it. She's never done that to you before, but she feels you would catch on.

"Well, Y/n. Most people who contact me are looking for a good time with what some people would call a "freak"."

She says as she smiles. You shake your head.

"Don't refer to yourself as a freak. I don't ever want to hear you say that again about my friend."

She laughs at that.

"It's also because I do have a bit of a reputation in this town that kind of wards off any kind of potential relationships. If you haven't noticed."

You shake your head.

"There are people who don't care about that sort of thing Venus. You may do what you do for work, but there are people who do not see you in that light."

She laughs again at your words.

"Who? I would love to meet these people."

Smiling you shrug.

"Well, I know for a fact that I, myself, do not see you in that light. I think you are a wonderful woman, and I personally love being around you. If that means anything."

She leans forward a bit. The top of her blouse falling open a bit showing off her breasts. It was taking all of your will power to ignore her position and to keep your eyes trained on her eyes. She looks at you, smiling wide and shakes her head.

"You just stay here all night. You have no where else to be or anyone to go home to?"

She says, completely putting the attention on you. Shrugging your shoulders, you grip at the arm rest on your swivel chair. Testing them for some unknown reason.

"I have nothing better to do. I don't have anyone to go home to and plus, I've been told I work to much and don't have the attention span to be in a committed relationship. So I've been told by all the people I've tried to have a relationship with. Since we are on the topic."

She winces at your words and shakes her head. She stands. You think she's about to leave and head home for the night, bidding you a farewell. Instead, she walks around the desk and helps swivel your chair till she has you facing her. Leaning down, she comes face to face with you and places a soft hand on your cheek. She strokes your cheek for a moment before she leans in closer. You feel her breath on your lips as she draws closer.. Oh god please let this be real. Then, without much hesitation, she finally connects her lips to yours. You kiss back immediately. Her lips feel so damn good. So soft and it's like she's handling you with care. You feel your stomach flip when she nips your bottom lip. She pulls away too quickly, and you almost whine at the loss. She smiles at your shocked expression. She retracts her hand from your face. You immediately miss the warmth of her hand. She looks deep into your eyes when she brushes your bangs off of your forehead.

"My last client didn't show up. Why don't you come with me to a room?"

How on earth were you suppose to decline her offer? Well that's the thing isn't it. You just can't refuse an offer like that.

[year2000electronics]

This is tamblr support we need you to agree to are new TOS.

THIS TERMS OF SERVICE IS LEGAL AND BINDING. WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO USE YOUR LIKENESS, FACE, VOICE AND SMALL TOWN PLUCK IN WHATEVER NEFARIOUS MANNER IS DEEMED NECESSARY. SANS SOUL, YOUR SOULMATE WILL NOT RECOGNIZE YOU AND WILL WALK RIGHT PAST YOU ON A COLD AUTUMN DAY, NEVER MAKING EYE CONTACT, NOT EVEN PROCESSING THAT YOU HAVE EYES AT ALL. NO AMOUNT OF INTERACTION WILL MOVE THEM TO A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN REMEMBER, IN FEELING, THE THOUSANDS OF LIFETIMES YOU HAVE ALREADY SPENT TOGETHER; EACH TIME CHOOSING WHATEVER FORM WOULD KEEP YOU CLOSEST LIKE OTTERS HOLDING HANDS IN A TUMULTUOUS RIVER. YOU WERE BIRDS; YOU WERE TREES WITH ROOTS ENTANGLED, DRINKING IN THE SUNLIGHT TOGETHER. "WHEREVER WE GO NEXT, WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE, I WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU"? THATS DONE, BUDDY. CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE CHOSEN BILL INSTEAD. MCDONALDS RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT A GIANT YELLOW M ON YOUR TORSO AND FOREHEAD AND SEND YOU WALKING THROUGH A CROWDED TIMES SQUARE WHILE YOU SCREAM " THE FRIES, THE FRIES, THEY DON'T DEGRADE IN NATURE!!! IT'S AN IMMORTAL FOOD!!! THEY WILL BE IN THE LANDFILLS LONG PAST OUR DEATHS!" GOOD GOD, THE THINGS S I'VE SEEN. ME? WHO AM I? OH I'M BILL'S PREVIOUS LAWYER. HE PUT MY SOUL INTO A QUILL PEN SO I CAN WRITE HIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS UNTIL THE SUN SNUFFS OUT LIKE A CANDLE IN THIS SICK UNIVERSE. I USED TO BE SO HOT. I WAS SO FINE, NOW I'M FINE PRINT. SPEAKING OF WHICH, BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT YOUR SOUL INTO AN OBJECT: A STRANGE CREATURE, A CONCEPT, A SENTENCE, A TASTEFUL BUT RUSTIC MASON JAR WITH WILDFLOWERS IN IT. IF AT ANY POINT YOU WISH TO HAVE VISITATION RIGHTS WITH YOUR SOUL, YOU WILL BE SWIFTLY DENIED -- UNLESS YOU HAD A COOL DAY PLANNED FOR THE BOTH OF YOU, THEN BILL MIGHT WANT TO COME ALONG. BY SIGNING THIS DOCUMENT YOU FORFEIT ANY RIGHTS TO EATING SOUL FOOD; IT WILL TURN TO ASH IN YOUR MOUTH, A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR A FOOL WHO SQUANDERED THE ONLY TRUE GIFT LIFE OWES YOU. BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DRESS YOUR SOUL HOWEVER HE DEEMS NECESSARY, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR SOUL WAS A NERD BEFORE ACQUISITION. SOUL MAKEOVERRR! YOUR SOUL MAY BECOME FRACTURED AND PLACED INTO DIFFERENT OBJECTS, THIS HAS NO PURPOSE AND WILL NOT RESURRECT YOU IF YOU DIE. SIGNEE HAS FORFEITED ALL RIGHTS TO ANY AFTERLIFE, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: HEAVEN, HELL, PURGATOR, BIG CORNER, FLOW STATE, THE DREAM HOUSE, THE REINCARNATION PROCESSING CENTER, AXOLOTL'S TANK, AND CONSEQUENCES HOLE. SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER BOARD THE SOUL TRAIN AND IS ADVISED TO DISCARD ALL BELLBOTTOMS. SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER HAVE A PUPPY AS A BEST FRIEND; THEY CAN SENSE WHAT IS GONE. CATS ARE INDIFFERENT. SIGNEE MAY EXPERIENCE OCCASIONAL DEMON POSSESSION FROM HORCULES THE RED; PLABOS THE MERCILESS; MORBUS SON OF MORTEM; PLEGE THE OOZING; AND OTHER SUCH COMMON DEMONS ROAMING EARTH SEARCHING FOR WEAKENED, EMPTY VESSELS, TIPS FOR RIPPING YOUR SOUL OUT AT HOME, WATCHING YOUTUBE COMMENTARY CHANNELS, ATTENDING AN EXTENDED FAMILY EVENT WITH AN OPEN BAR, USING GENERATIVE AI AND ASSERTING THAT YOU ARE CREATIVE, TURNING A BLIND EYE TO HUMAN SUFFERING, AMASSING MORE WEALTH THAN NEEDED, PURCHASING A BLUE CHECKMARK"

YOU ARE ALSO NOW TWENTY ONE GRAMS LIGHTER

Agree?

wow! seems legit to me! AGREE!!!!!

[b17ch-b01]

SPOILER FOR SOME OF THE STUFF AT thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com!!!!!!!

THIS IS MY TRANSLATION OF ALL THE CODE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SOUL CONTRACT!!!!

"this contract is legal and binding we reserve the right to use your likeness, face, voice and small town pluck in whatever nefarious manner is deemed necessary, sans soul, your soulmate will not recognize you and will walk right past you on a cold autumn day, never making eye contact, not even processing that you have eyes at all, no amount of interaction will move them to a place where they can remember, in feeling, the thousands form would keep you closest like otters holding hands in a tumultuous river, you were birds, you were trees with roots entangled, drinking in the sunlight together. wherever we go next, whatever you choose, i will always be right there with you. thats done, buddy, congratulations, you have chosen bill instead, mcdonalds reserves the right to put a giant yellow m on your torso and forehead and send you walking through a crowded times square while you scream "the fries! the fries! they don't degrade in nature!!! it's an immortal food!!! they will be in the landfills long past our deaths!! good god! the things s i've seen, me, who am i? oh i'm bill's previous lawyer! he put soul into a quill pen so i can write his legal documents until the sun snuffs out like a candle in this sick universe. i used to be so hot. i was so fine, now i'm fine print" speaking of which, bill reserves the right to put your soul into an inanimate object, a strange creature, a concept, a sentence, a tasteful but rustic mason jar with wildflowers in it. if at any point you wish to have visitation rights with your soul, you will be swiftly denied, unless you had a cool day planned for the both of you, Then bill might want to come along. by signing this document you forfeit any rights to eating soul food. it will turn to ash in your mouth. a fitting punishment for a fool who squandered the only true gift life owes you. bill reserves the right to dress your soul however he deems necessary, especially if your soul was a nerd before acquisition. soulmakkeoverrr! your soul may become fractured and placed into different objects. this has no purpose and will not resurrect you if you die. signee has forfeited all rights to any afterlife, including but not limited to: heaven, hell, purgatory, big corner, flow state, the dream house, the reincarnation processing center, axolotl's tank and consequences hole. signee can no longer board the soul train and is advised to discard all bellbottoms. signee can no longer have a puppy as a best friend, they can sense what is gone. cats are indifferent. signee may experience occasional demon possessions from horculus the red, plabos the merciless, morbus son of mortem, plaga the oozing and other such common demons roaming earth searching for weakened/empty vessels(tips for ripping your soul out at home) watching youtube commentary channels, attending an extended family event with an open bar, using generative AI and asserting that you are creative, turning a blind eye to human suffering, amassing more wealth than needed, purchasing a blue checkmark"

[hummusxx]

Handsome Pt 2 of Gorgeous (previous part) (next part) Description: After the LV show, Jude and Y/n get closer and have a private fitting

  +44 XXX-XXX-XXXX

Y/n?

It’s Jude

Made it back to my room.

                                                                                            y/n   

Oh hey!

                                                                                           I also made it back.

                                                                                            what are u doing?

+44 XXX-XXX-XXXX

I’m about to get in the shower.

y/n changed +44 XXX-XXX-XXXX to Jude😍🇬🇧

                                                                                               y/n

  Oh

                                                                                                 Without me?

Jude 😍🇬🇧

I mean you could always come over.

The shower is big enough for two.                               

                                                                                                y/n

Hmm maybe next time.

      because isn't your brother there?

Jude:😍🇬🇧

Shit

Yeah, I forgot about him lmao.

That shithead is a bloody nuisance

                                                                                   y/n

 

I’ll let you take shower.

                                                                                                Text me later?

Jude😍🇬🇧

Yes.

I’ll text you.

Read by y/n

I haven't felt like this in forever. He makes me feel whole. We barely know each other but i feel like I've known him all my life.

I hope he is not some fuck-boy who is just trying to have sex with me. But i don't think he is. What fuckboy would bring their brother to an LV show and not a girl?

My assistant, Rose, snaps her fingers in my face

"Hellooooo! Earth to y/n" she says while trying to get me to focus on what she is saying.

" I have been talking to you for almost 5 minutes. Were you even listening?" she says while putting her hands on her hips. She can be very sassy at times. Thats why I hired her.

"Yeah sorry." I speak. Rose can be very nosey about my personal life which i understand, she is my assistant, so i guess if their is a person to tell it would be her.

"Well as i was saying... You need to be up around 10 tomorrow. Channel has invited you to a private fitting with their new fall line that nobody has seen. They want you to be the first person." Rose says while pointing and dramatizing her words to me.

I nod and look away.

I think for a second. Maybe i could bring Jude? If I'm allowed.

"Do you think i could bring someone to come with?" I ask rose. Hoping she says yes. and if she doesn't, I just won't go. It's not like they've never had me for a private fitting before.

"Yes, but you both have to sign an agreement that you guys cannot post anything about the line before it has been realized, talk about the line, or take pictures of any of the clothing." Rose says to me. I jump up and down in my head. Already knowing who I'm going to invite.

"Is that all?" I ask rose. It is very late and i hope she doesn't have anything else to talk about

Rose nods her head.

"Good Night y/n/n" Rose says while giving me a hug.

"Good night, Rosie"

Rose leaves my room and I sprint to pick up my phone and open Messages.

I text Jude if he would like to come. He respondes almost automatically saying yes with three hearts.

We say goodnight to each other and i put my phone down and go to sleep.

Next Day

I arrive at Channel Headquarters- We go through the back entrance to not be spotted.

Rose has already informed the people at Channel that someone will be coming to watch the fitting so they lead us to a Meeting rooms so Jude and I can sign the legal papers.

Jude arrives not long after us. He walks into the room and i immediately get up from my seat and walk to hug him.

We embrace each other lovingly.

I whisper in his ear "aren't you handsome."

We break the hug and he kiss' me on the cheek. I sit back down while he goes to shake the Channel representees hands and then sits down.

I can already see Rose looking at me with a smirk on her face.

We sign all the legal paperwork and discus the meaning behind the line and the significance of it.

"Well since all of the paperwork is done, let's go try on some clothes." one of the representatives says excited

"I know you will love them Y/n" they say

"Jude you are more than welcome to try on clothes as well. We have a wide variety of men's clothes from this line and would like to you try some on." they also say

They lead us all out to the racks and fitting rooms where Jude and I would be trying on clothes.

" Rose" I motion her over

"Can you tell them to turn on my playlist" I say to her with a smile.

Rose nods and goes to find a worker.

"Wow." Jude says and i turn to him with a confused look.

"You have your whole playlist here" he says surprised and smirks.

"Well when you're always here i Guese there is some perks" I say laughing as i walk to inspect the racks. I hear Donna Summers 'Love to Love you baby' over the speakers.

"Now shall we get started" i clap my hands as workers come and bring us wine and finger foods to eat while we try on the clothes.

"We shall" Jude smirks

hummusxx' corner

i'm just getting started 😈😈 no but the idol has changed me. That show was so wack but ep 3 was actually kinda good 💀 pt.3 should be coming out on Friday but im leaving for a trip for sports so i won’t be on my phone. So Friday is not guaranteed but it either Friday or Monday. I hope y’all l liked this 😍🫶

[fanofthestuff]

thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com Soul Contract cipher translation

I spent an hour translating the wall of cipher at the end of the soul contract. You get there by typing "One Eyed King". There's morse code hidden in the audio which spells "NAITSUAF". If you type that, it gives you a page about selling your soul. At the bottom, click "Are you ready?".

These are some bad, uncropped screenshots of the cipher.

Here's what it says:

Theraprism

YOU ARE NOW TWENTY ONE GRAMS LIGHTER

Cipher(A) (punctuation may not be correct. In Cipher(A), punctuation is simply all rectangles, so its a bit of a guessing game.)

This contract is legal and binding. We reserve the right to use your likeness, face, voice and small town whatever nefarious manner is deemed necessary, sans soul. Your soulmate will not recognize you and will talk right past you on a cold autumn day, never making eye contact, not ever processing that you have eyes at all. No amount of interacting will move them to a place where they can remember. In feeling, the thousands of liftetimes you have already spent together, each time choosing whatever form would keep you closest like otters holding hands in a tumultuous river. You were birds. You were trees with roots entangled, drinking in the sunlight together!! Wherever we go next, whatever you choose, I will always be right there with you!! Thats done, buddy! Congratulations! You have chosen Bill instead! McDonalds reserves the right to put a giant yellow M on your torso and forehead and send you walking through a crowded Times Square while you scream "the fries, the fries" They don't degrade in nature!!! It's an immortal food!!! They will be in the landfills long past our deaths!! Good god! The things S I've seen. Me? Who am I? Oh I'm Bill's previous lawyer. He put my soul into a quill pen so I can write his legal documents until the sun snuffs out like a candle in the sick universe. I used to be so hot. I was so fine. Now I'm fine print. Speaking of which, Bill reserves the right to put your soul into an inanimate object, a strange creature, a concept, a sentence, a tasteful but rustic mason jar with wildflowers in it. If at any point you want to have visitation rights with your soul, you will be swiftly denied, unless you had a cool day planned for the both of you, then Bill might want to come along. By signing this document you forfeit any rights to eating soul food. It will turn to ash in your mouth. A fitting punishment for a fool who squandered the only true gift life owes you. Bill reserves the right to dress your soul however he deems necessary, especially if your soul was a nerd before acquisition. Soulmakeoverrr! Your soul may become fractured and placed into different object. This has no purpose and will not resurrect you if you die. Signee has forfeited all rights to any afterlife, including but not limited to: Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, Big Corner, Flow State, The Dream House, The Reincarnation Processing Center, Axolotl's Tank and Consequences Hole. Signee can no longer board the Soul Train and is advised to discard all bellbottoms. Signee can no longer have a puppy as a best friend; they can sense what is gone. Cats are indifferent. Signee may experience occasional demon possession from Horculus the Red, Plabos the Merciless, Morbus son of Mortem, Plaga the Oozing and other such common demons roaming earth searching for weakened, empty vessels. Tips for ripping your soul out at home: watching YouTube commentary channels, attending an extended family event with an open bar, using Generative AI and asserting that you are creative, turning a blind eye to human suffering, amassing more wealth than needed, purchasing a blue checkmark.

[callistocalavarni]

Space Bounty Hunter dr

This post is going to be long cuz ive inserted pics that remind me of this dr... I just wanted a place were I can discribe and info dump about the places I have and am shifting to. I thought about starting a page on shifttok...but its tiktok.. and I don't like the people on there lol. They all have weird takes; ex; the constant hate on perma shifting. Not only that but they hold their opnions up like they are truth, everyone puts creators on a high horse and they are just insufferable. So instead im here, on a hopefully way more chill platform.. Anyway i'll stop yapping about shifttok and get on with the actual post.

I have a large amount of space dr's one of them being a bounty hunter reality with a metroid, sci-fi comic, farscape kinda of vibe to it. I'd also compare it to cowboy bepop.

All of my adventures take place in the milky way far far from earth. I'd say for earth its around the 1990s, I've scripted out time diliation when travling far because I just don't want to deal with it. Keep in mind some of the physics and logic is different from this reality. Earth is unware of any alien species, space travel and literally anything outside its solar system. Even with earth being oblivous to the intelligence out in space people still travel to the planet. And Its the way my grand-parents traveled out into the universe. The Neashe (na-shay) have helped and rescued people from earths many wars (without earths goverment knowing) promising them a new life in the aven section of the galaxy. Lazuo is the native planet to the naeshe. Being one of the most technologically advanced planets it exports the most weapons and ships among the star systems. It has the highest population including its moon ilumi. The naeshe are welcoming & peacefull species beliving in the search for life in the universe. The reason the Naeshe have not tried to contact the goverments of earth is because of the leaders constantly engaing in war. There is many other planets that I might mention so if its a word you don't know or you get confused its either a planet, its species, or some galatic goverment name.

For many years there has been an alliance between planets called "aven" the Adu word for friend. Adu is a water planet, its culture built on avation, exploring the depths and its diverse sea food. Since this alliance was formed interseller ships from all over travled to and from planets, exporting and importing goods of all kinds. Even though this guild was there to hold a title of saftey and peace it sprouted a problem. Space pirates, criminals, theifs, whatever you want to call them started to raid and attack these ships. Law enforcers failed to keep up with the rapid apperence of these pirates resulting in high rates of crime. Fed up with the persistent violence, people from all different cultures and planets volunteered to help capture these criminals. An association of bounty hunters was formed named space stalkers. Contractors from major companies started to pay space stalkers for their part, devolping a large influx of hunters. Being a space stalker is dangerous but since I have free rain in what I can script I find it fun.

companions

My name in most of my dr's is Callisto Calavarni and thats the name im going to use on this page.

My mother Estette Calavarni and father Castor Calavarni are alive and well in this dr. I know shocking... I didn't script a traumatic backstory, GASP!!!! They rasied me opposite of helicoptor parents, encouraging me to take risks and learn as much as I can about the world. My friends are Wesley Starkov an astrobiologist from the planet Kelzo. Anvi An, a female doctor who mostly works on hospital ships. And Niko lovell with a John Crichton personality from earth. I also have a pet! A fluffy tuxedo cat named Miso.

I have a deeper connection to Anvi than anyone else, we have been friends since the terrible twos lol. But I have more amusing stories with Wesley. I prefer to work alone as working with some hunters can be risky. I remember I needed help with a bounty and had told Wesley that I would give him half the check if he assisted me. Long story short the hunt didn't go as planned and I had to run to our vehicle and jump through the window like a loony tunes cartoon lol. I ended up kicking him in my uncoordinated climb through the window and he's never helped me with a bounty since -sob-

Thanks for reading, if I spelt anything wrong ignore, science is what im good at not english haha. This is my first post and im still new to tumblr so please ask me questions and tell me what kind of stuff you wanna hear about my dr's! Happy shifting!

[pacifymebby]

peaky blinders hc for what it would be like to be dating them/married to them!! xx

So i did married to them, hope thats alright xx

Tommy

🌿 Determined to make sure things are different this time, good and true, he wanted to marry you with the gypsies. So you had your wedding in the fields at the Golds settlement.

🌿Dangerous goes without saying, naturally, however somehow its worse than you imagined. You always thought Tommy was being dramatic when he said it would get worse once you were married

🌿 But it got worse, there have been multiple attempts on your life and Tommy is more protective of you than ever

🌿 He doesn't always show it in the best or most romantic of ways, sometimes he stays late at work, hours late because hes trying to pull together a plan that will keep you safe. He doesn't tell you often enough that its you hes thinking of, its yours and his future which keeps him going.

🌿Puts a lot of pressure on himself for things to be different this time. Hes been married in the past and failed to treat people right, he won't let himself go wrong again.

🌿When things get bad and youre scared - though you try to be brave for your husband - Tommy tries to get you to talk to him and admit your fears, says its good to be scared, shows youre still innocent, shows you're still alive.

🌿That kind of talk scares you more though and so he ends up bringing you into his lap/arms, cradling you to his body and whispering promises to keep you safe, to never leave you.

🌿Tells you stories, that if things get really bad you'll get a wagon together and dissappear never to return. You'll chanhe your names, leave everything behind, just you amd him together. You know it will never happen like that but the story comforts you every time.

🌿 Doesnt involve you in the business at all, determined to keep you pure and innocent. Even if he knows deep down its impossible.

🌿Spoils you, mostly with pretty jewellery and animals. Buys you dogs, always takes you with him to buy horses.

🌿Has a horse he keeps just for the two of you and takes you riding as often as he can.

🌿 Sometimes in the summer the two of you dissappear for days on that horse, living like gypsies where no one can reach you. These are his favourite memories. Brings himself hell from the rest of the family upon your return, but its worth it every time.

🌿 Youre one of the only people who can talk any sense into him, hes always talking to you about "mutual respect" and how hes heard its the most important thing in a marriage. So whenever you argue, and if you step out of line, he'll stop you and remind you.

🌿 "What is it we have love? Remind me eh i think I've forgotten?" "respect Tommy," you sigh. "Mutual respect, that means it goes both ways... Right," he pats your cheek lightly, his cheeky smile gets under your skin "that'll be that then eh."

🌿 The longer goes by the less he feels haunted by Grace. You're a mother to his children and he talks to you all the time about having a baby with you. Whenever you have sex he tells you thats what he wants.

🌿 Still calls you his angel, still believes you were sent from heaven to heal him.

Alfie

🐻 Good, quiet, stable and steady. Alfie treasures you and isnt going to let anything happen to you. Which means you lead a remarkably quiet life for a ganstas wife.

🐻 He keeps you out of business, and for the most part, keeps himself out of business too.

🐻 He made a joke at the wedding saying that if anyone tried to joke around and ask if he was the father of the bride, he'd cut them. You know he wasn't really joking, you know he occassionally does worry hes too old for you.

🐻 "Sure you wouldn't rather be out there with handsome young men your own age?"

🐻 The plain and simple answer is no... The longer answer is still no, but followed with lots of questions. For one, why on earth would you want to be with any of those arrogant younger men who waste all their money on snow and whiskey, who dont care for their women and sleep around... Your alfie is so good to you, devoted to you, takes care of you, hes your gruff and grumpy bear. You like thats hes a little old fashioned, that he has manners, that hes your old man.

🐻 Takes baths with you, candle lit, when the rooms all steamy he makes you lie back against his chest whilst he washes you. He hums you little tunes, tells you he thinks hes gonna write an opera one day. You joke and ask who will be his muse, you or tommy shelby. And when you make jokes like that he takes your wet hair and wraps it round his fist, tugs on it gently but harsh enough to pull your head back so that youre looking up at him.

🐻 "Remember our rules right ziskeit, you don't mention the name of the devil, we dont talk about cursed men right in this here home of ours" its like hes almost superstitious about it. Doesnt want you to say Tommys name because the man is cursed and the curse catches.

🐻 When you apologise you kiss each of his finger tips.

🐻 He bakes you bread (actual bread) all the time, especially when hes stressed, the kneeding is theraputic for him. Sometimes he gets you to help him, teaches you the proper way to do it with his hands over yours.

🐻 Eventually you move to margate together, he likes it better that way, thinks you can really be safe, thinks you'll finally be away from Tommy Shelby for good. He misses his old friend but he's glad to keep the curse away from you.

🐻 Can't sleep at night without you resting your head on his chest. Likes to comb his fingers through your hair until he falls asleep.

🐻 Likes to help you dress in the mornings, brushes your hair, lets you teach him how to make it pretty, but complains his fingers are too big and clumsy, not dainty like yours. But you like it better when Aflie does your hair for you, you feel prettier knowing his hands made you up like that.

Arthur

🍂 Tumultuous to say the least. This is one traumatised man and you accepted the ups and downs of your relationship a long time ago. Your one rule is that he never suffers alone.

🍂You want to go through everything with him, you never want him to be alone snowed up and sad drunk so even when he gets himself in a terrible state, even when he begs you to leave him because he doesnt want you to see him like that, you stay with him, you hold him whilst he cries, you weather his temper knowing he will never hurt you.

🍂 He does scare you, when he breaks things it scares you, but you know he loves you, you know its not really him but his illness, you've stood and watched him destroy a room before and then said "You gonna come here now and let your wife look after you?"

🍂 You hold his head to your chest and soothe him to sleep. Kiss his hair, tell him you know hes a good man. You tell him you love him all the time.

🍂 Despite the fact youre married he still has a complex, still thinks he doesnt deserve your love still thinks hes ruining your life, is terrified of corrupting you, but you never let those thoughts linger and refuse to take him seriously when he tells you.

🍂 "Dont be daft my darling husband, you deserve all the love in the world and I'll be damned if you get it from any woman but me..."

🍂 His heart is always in the right place even if his romantic plans dont always go to plan. Sometimes he buys you flowers but forgets to give them to you until theyve already wilted. Hes tried to cook for you and nearly set the house on fire.

You find it funny and endearing however, it means all the more to you that he tries so hard for you.

🍂 The sex is so good, and maybe a little relentless, because hes determined to be an honest man now he takes his full sexual appetite out on you and its exhausting in the best way possible. When hes pissed off you like to tease him into taking his frustration out on you sexually.

🍂 Naturally being the wife of a peaky blinder is dangerous, you and arthur both know that and your being so precious to him does mean that he is sometimes a little zealous trying to protect you.

🍂Men have lost teeth for looking at you.

🍂 And men who have actually tried to harm you... You didn't witness every death so you couldn't possibly say what happens to them...

🍂 Does make you feel powerful, you like how it makes you feel like a dangerous woman. You try to keep that secret though as arthur would hate to think he'd corrupted your morals in any way other than sexually.

John

🌼 John is a good husband because hes a good lad, a decent, honest, caring lad. He always did have a little more good in him than his brothers.

🌼 He takes being your husband seriously, he wants to provide for you, protect you, wouldnt see himself as a man if he couldnt keep his wife and home happy.

🌼 Wants a big happy family with you. Finds great comfort in sitting down at the kitchen table with all the weans running around, playing games like him and his brothers used to when they were kids, seeing you his wife there too. Its comforting to have this heavenly little bit of peace, even if its a kind of peace which is pure chaos.

🌼 Hes attentive, always checking in on his flower. He wants you to always be happy.

🌼 He's also still got the heart of a boy, hes childish and silly, likes playing games with you, will chase you around the garden, through the house, sling you over his shoulder when he catches you.

🌼 Plays with the kids, is a good father as well as a good husband, but definitely is the kind of father that ropes the kids into his tricks and uses them to help wind you up.

🌼 Cuddles up to you all the time, likes to catch your hand as you walk past him and pull you into a hug. Refuses to let you go, makes you put up a fight.

🌼 Lowkey always horny, is looking for any excuse and opportunity to fuck you.

🌼 Brings gifts back for you from the city, brings you flowers. Threads them through your hair.

🌼 Always trying to steal kisses from you.

🌼 At family meetings he stands by you, with his arm around your waist and his hand holding yours. He wont let anybody talk down to you. He takes protecting you very seriously.

🌼 Would throw himself in front of you, take a bullet for you, run into a burning building for you in a heartbeat. He takes being your husband very seriously.

Bonnie

🍀 Bonnie is the sweetest husband and he takes being your husband very seriously indeed, sometimes a little too seriously, which is adorable.

🍀"I'm your husband, I've got to look after you," "Got to keep my lovely wife safe and sound haven't i..."

🍀Makes you all these promises of how your life will be when hes a world famous fighter.

🍀 Treats you like youre still courting, picks you wildflowers, takes pride in catching good meat for you. Brings you little gifts back from the city. Sometimes he steals you little gifts from the city.

🍀 A boy of tradition, couldn't see you the night before the wedding...

🍀 The wedding was in spring, it was pure and blissful, you danced the whole night with him around the fires. It was a raucous celebration by all accounts and when it came to consumating

🍀 Now he dreams of having children with you, wants to be a father to your babies so badly... And telling you that when hes burried inside you makes you both hold onto one another even tighter in your passion.

🍀 He used to be nervous to have you at his fights but now youre his good luck charm... Not that he needs any luck but still, he likes to be able to look over and see his little dove rooting for him.

🍀 You insist upon being the one to help him prepare for the fight, youre the one who wraps his hands carefully. You put your forehead to his and your noses brush when you tell him to make sure he wins. 🍀You also insist upon being the one to patch him up afterwards. He doesnt like you getting your hands dirty like that, says you shouldnt be the one cleaning him up but you always argue. "Womens hands are more delicate and careful than mens, and I'm not having any other woman back here with you..."

🍀Besides its a good way of getting him alone after the fight. You love seeing the animalistic side of him that the fights bring out in him and watching him in the ring makes you want him pretty desperately...

🍀 Especially because its the only time you can trick him into being anything but careful with you. You like how hard he fucks you when he's still burning with adrenaline.

🍀And then afterwards when youre both coming down together how gentle he is with you, how concerned he is that he might have gone too hard and hurt you.

🍀He'll hold you in his lap, still burried inside you, scatter you in kisses, especially if you happen to have bruises on your neck and shoulders from his bites.

🍀"I'm so sorry little dove, do you hurt?" "Its a good kind of hurt Bonnie, it feels good," but he'll make sure to kiss every one better multiple times whilst he tells you how precious you are.

🍀Its not that he's insecure, he isn't at all, he knows you'd never pay another man any mind whatsoever, but its the principle of things... He believes in his morals and traditions and thinks other men should too... You don't hit girls, you show women respect, you protect them... And you don't flirt with other mens wives.

🍀 So if someone isn't respectful enough of you for his liking, he'll teach them a lesson.

🍀 And when he catches other men looking at you with lust in their eyes, he makes a cheeky little display of kissing you and holding you and letting everyone know youre his.

🍀 Puts his cap on your head sometimes when youre walking. Just to let everyone know youre the wife of a peaky boy.

Isaiah

🐀No one thought they'd see Isaiah married so young, but when he found out you were carrying his child he didn't exactly settle down but he did show everyone how serious he was about you.

🐀His father did the ceremony, it was small but lavish. A family and peakys affair, with a roaring party at the Garrison afterwards.

🐀He has you give up working, won't have his wife and the mother of his child going to work when he can provide plenty enough for the three of you by himself.

🐀You worry about him a lot. Not because you dont think hes capable of looking after himself but because you know just how capable he is of getting himself into trouble.

🐀And he does get himself into trouble, especially over you, doesnt hesitate to pick a fight with anyone whose eye you catch, now that youre his wife he takes his role as your "protector" extra seriously, not only that but he views you as his property, and no one else should be laying a finger or glance at those which belong to him.

🐀You tell him all the time you wish he'd calm down a little, get into less scraps but he says "What kind of a husband would i be if i didnt defend the honor of my wife"

🐀Really likes reminding you that youre his wife... As if you could ever forget it. Tells you youre his all the time. Makes you tell him that youre his.

🐀"Who do you belong to?" when hes fucking you, "You Isaiah, you..." "And only me..."

🐀Just because youre his wife and an honest woman doesnt mean youre having pure and honest sex... Hes rough with you, fucks you hard and fast and mercilessly.

🐀Although he likes seeing you in his jacket, he sees it as a status symbol that his wife should have lots of glamourous things of her own, so you have your own coat, which he always reminds you to wear. "What kind of husband lets his wife leave the house half dressed?" you tell him hes being dramatic.

🐀But he doesnt see it that way, he thinks you deserve the whole world, all the glamour and riches you could ever wish for, he isnt going to give you and his baby anything less than just that.

🐀Is definitely a dominant husband, has lots of ideas about the way a marriage should be and he is determined to do things properly.

🐀Tells you youre the reason he takes on dangerous jobs, that everything he does with the peakys is for you, to get a better life for you and your baby.

🐀Doesnt listen when you say you dont need anything other than him, that you only need him alive and healthy and there with you. That success and wealth mean nothing if you can't have him with you.

Michael

☘️ He comes off as cold to you sometimes. He doesnt mean to but sometimes he upsets you when he gets distant, too focussed on impressing Tommy Shelby and living up to the family name.

☘️ But when he realises what hes done and how hes hurt you he softens and warms to you immediately. Doesnt apologise for the way he has been because this is Michael and he never apologises, but he does remind you why, tells you its all for you.

☘️ Youre not sure you completely believe him there, you know some of it at least is feeding his ego, he wants everything his cousin has and more, but youre happy to let him believe that you believe his lie.

☘️And he does spoil you, youre his wife and so you must have the best, be the most spoilt woman in the room, he buys you the most beautiful dresses, has them made special for you.

☘️ His favourite thing is to buy you jewelery, especially necklaces. He has you stand in front of the mirror and watch whilst he puts it around your neck and fixes the clasp.

☘️ Then he takes the rest of your clothes off one by one, until youre only wearing the necklace, and he fucks you in the mirror, "look at all these pretty things i own," hes talking about you, "my beautoful wife, isnt she good letting me dress her up and fuck her whenever i choose"

☘️ Loves the symbolism of marriage, that youre his property that he owns you and can corrupt you. Likes that youre a well behaved, good girl who does as her husband tells her.

☘️ Kind of enjoys seeing how other men lust after you, enjoys knowing that he really does have the most beautiful woman. If he catches tommy admiring you he is both smug and pleased with himself whilst also pissed off and possesive.

☘️ In other words he has crossed a line and threatened Tommy for admiring you.

☘️ He's arrogant and it gets him into trouble a lot. You spend a lot of time soothing his wounded ego and talking him down from potential fights and bad ideas

☘️ You use sex to distract him a lot, worshipping him and really showering his ego with praise.

[sakura-chandaneko]

Spoilers for the book of bill website :3

I don’t know if anyone has wasted their time doing it yet but I decoded the entirety of the fine print section of Bill Ciphers soul contract, its certainly something lol

This contract is legal and binding. we reserve the right to use your likeness, face, voice and small town pluck in whatever nefarious manner is deemed necessary. Sans(? I’ve checked this so many times cause it is def wrong T^T) soul, your soul mate will not recognize you and will walk right past you on a cold autumn day. Never making eye contact, not even processing that you have eyes at all. No amount of interaction will move them to a place where they can remember. In feeling, the thousands of lifetimes you have already spent together, each time choosing whatever form would keep you closest like otters holding hands in a tumultuous river. You were birds, you were trees with roots entangled, drinking in the sunlight together.. wherever we go next, whatever you choose, I will always be right there with you.. thats done, buddy, congratulations, you have chosen bill instead. McDonalds reserves the right to put a giant yellow M on your torso and forehead and send you walking through a crowded times Square while you scream "the fries! the fries! they don't degrade in nature!!! it's an immortal food!!! they will be in the landfills long past our deaths!" good god, the things I've seen. me? who am i? Oh i'm bill's previous lawyer. He put my soul into a quill pen so I can write his legal documents until the sun sniffs out like a candle in this sick universe. I used to be hot. I was so fine. Now I'm fine print. Speaking of which, bill reserves the right to put your soul into an inanimate object, a strange creature, a concept, a sentence, a tasteful but rustic mason jar with wildflowers in it. If at any point you wish to have visitation rights ditch(?) your soul. You will be swiftly denied, unless you had a cool day planned for the both of you. Then bill might want to come along. By signing this document you forfeit any rights to eating soup food, it will turn to ash in your mouth. A fitting punishment for a fool who squandered the only true gift life owes you. Bill reserves the right to dress your soul however he deems necessary, especially if your soul was a nerd before acquirement. Soulmakeoverrr! Your soul may become fractured and placed into different objects. This has no purpose and will not resurrect you if you die. Signee has forfeited all rights to any afterlife. Including but not limited to, heaven, hell, purgatory, big corner, flow state, the dream house, the reincarnation processing center, axolotl's tank and consequences hole. signee can no longer board the soul train and is advised to discard all bellbottoms. Signee can no longer have a puppy as a best friend. they can sense what is gone, cats are indifferent. signee may experience occasional demon possessions from horculs the red, plabos the merciless, morbus son of mortem, plaga the oozing and other such common demons earth searching for weakened, empty vessels, tips for ripping your soul out at home, watching YouTube commentary channels, attending an extended family event with an open bar, using generative ai asserting that you are creative, turning a blind eye to human suffering, amassing more wealth than needed, purchasing a blue checkmark

Most of the punctuation I guessed so this may not be the most accurate. As for the words with a question marks after it’s bc I was unsure if I decoded it correctly.