#i guess that everything i wanted to say on the matter... anyway! i wanna complain about android 12 now

[tojisun]

the apple that rolled over to the tree

!! fluff; f!reader; parenthood!!; simon-centric hehe >:3 // divider by @/plutism!

there is a… kid attached to your hip when simon returns home from a mission, his exhausted body stumbling into the kitchen where he finds you and it.

“what—”

he can’t even fathom the emotion coursing through him at the moment, what with shock triumphing over everything. still, you’d probably need to give him credit for not losing his goddamn mind at seeing a whole child — he couldn’t have been more than two years old with how he’s only three apples tall — clinging to you like a baby koala.

“oh my god, you’re back!” you squeal, unfazed at how dumbfounded your fiance has become, before shuffling close to embrace him.

simon reciprocates the hug anyway.

you step back, your lips still wobbling in your tears as you stare up at him, all awed like you couldn’t believe that he was back and simon wishes he can press his promises to your lips because he will always find a way to come back, he swears on his life, but also—

the child.

“sweetheart?” he begins, soft as to not spook you or the kid. “who’s, uh, who’s that?”

the child shifts, turning his little face from where it was burrowed onto your neck at the sound of simon’s voice. he rests his head on your clavicle, smooshing his already chubby cheek, before the biggest brown eyes that simon’s ever seen stare up at him, all doe-eyed and jarringly innocent, and simon, he—

well, not even babysitting tommy’s kids prepared him for this.

“this is yasha,” you murmur, pulling simon’s attention back to you. “or yakov, or james if he would want an english name.”

the boy reacts to you calling his name, and simon watches as those curious eyes tip up at you in question. you swipe your finger over his nose, the little thing scrunching up at the ticklish feeling, and simon becomes breathless at seeing the unadulterated joy in your face.

it is all parts soft and tender, but also anxious and worried, and simon begins to puzzle out the pieces.

“he’s my foster child. or ours, i guess, now that you’re here.” your voice is so fragile as you reply to him, your hand now beginning to rub soothing nothings on the boy’s back. simon wonders if it’s more to calm yourself down than it is to comfort the boy.

your lips purse, hesitating, and simon waits because while he he’s pieced out what you want to ask, he knows that this is something you would want to truly talk to him about. it is something he knows you have mustered up the courage to bring up so he gives it to you, open and ready, and he hopes that his face and his gait show that whatever it is you would want to say, simon will always support you no matter what.

“si?” you begin, looking heart-wrenchingly small in your worry. “i think i wanna adopt him.”

simon hums, stepping close but also being careful not to crowd yasha, before he curls his arms around you two — his family — and nuzzles his face on your other shoulder. “i’d love that.”

he offers you a smile, and squeezes your arm in comfort, then he watches as the tears come, easily springing up from your eyes. yasha startles, whirling to look up at his mother in worry. simon’s throat constricts at the thought of you being a mother and him, a father; how, now, there is someone else for simon to come home to. someone to fight for.

jesus. he’d need to tell the lads and maybe get wasted as a celebration.

“owies?” yasha asks, chubby fist balling your shirt.

“they’re happy tears, sweetie pie,” you reply, crooning. “i’m just so, so happy.”

yasha hums, nodding, probably already distracted, and simon takes that time to straighten back up. he pushes your hair away from your face, before he pitches forward to press a kiss on your forehead.

yeah, he’s happy too.

.

yasha gets spoiled, not that simon’s complaining given that he’s been the one doing all the spoiling.

“really, si? a new toly?” you ask, arms crossed over your chest in your exasperation.

toly or anatoly, or tory because yasha still can’t speak properly, is the name that yasha gave to all of his new stuffed toys. it all started with a dog plush that simon bought from the supermarket on a whim and gave to the boy. it was laughably quick how yasha had abandoned his blocks to make grabby hands to the toy, before squealing out that name.

the next stuffed toy that yasha received, which was just the softest and roundest penguin plush toy that simon’s ever seen, was also named toly. so was that teddy bear you bought for him. or that reindeer he got for christmas. somehow, every single one had been named toly.

the only thing you and simon can find about toly was that anatoly means sunrise. simon was so sure it was the russian word for animal, because why else would yasha repeat it, but who would have thought that their little fish is so imaginative?

like, of course he’s going to name all of his toys toly because they are as warm as sunrises. see? smart kid.

but this one, this new toly, set off world records. it was a camel plush that simon saw at the airport when he was out, pretending to be a civilian.

(garrick had been assigned with him for that mission, and was quick to spot and mention simon’s on-duty purchase.

“it’s for my boy,” he grunted in reply, forgetting the fact that he’s yet to truly break the news to his squad. garrick had never looked as surprised, and next thing simon knew, the news made its way to their group chat.

price was amiable about the whole thing. mactavish? not so much.

he just about begged to see a picture of yasha — “and yer girl again, if you wouldn’t mind.” — or even visit him. then he invited garrick to come and price invited himself too, so now the guys are going to swing by some time soon.)

when simon gave it to yasha, their boy had stared at it for a solid minute — simon counted — before screaming and then running to snatch the toy from simon’s hold. he hugged the camel close to his person, his little head nuzzling against the plush face of the camel, all the while absolutely vibrating in unabashed excitement.

he picked up thundering footsteps and turned around just enough to see you literally slide into the room. yasha continued to hug the camel, ignorant of the distress he caused, while you looked on in your panic, buzzing with worry because you just heard your boy scream, damn it!

“he’s fine, bub,” simon said before you could ask, and he watched as you came down from your frenzy, your breathing slowing down at the rationalization that if simon was not panicked, then everything’s alright.

then, your eyes landed on the new stuff toy.

“really?” you asked.

in his defence, yasha adores camel-toly.

in your defence, yasha’s room is running out of space for his tolys.

…well, simon does have all that military money. gonna have to spend it on something else, right?

.

[charlie foxtrot]

sriley: link

john2: ????

sriley: new address.

garry: oh? congratulations.

sriley: thanks.

johnp: 👍

.

yasha was shy when saying hi to price, then outright cried when he saw mactavish, which made simon bark out loud in laughter. yasha only stopped sniffling when he saw kyle. in no time, yasha absolutely adored garrick to the point that he would not even let him go.

dinner was prepared and while you called them all to eat, simon ambled out of the kitchen, where he had been helping you, and walked towards kyle and yasha to pick up his son and seat him on his high chair. but yasha had only looked at him, his head tilted in question, before ignoring simon and clinging onto kyle.

hell, he had even let go of camel-toly so that he could use two chubby fists to hold onto kyle. surprised, simon didn’t even know how to react and watched as his sergeant offered him an apologetic smile before carrying his son to the dining room. kyle rounded the table and sat yasha on his high chair, only, yasha made a scene when kyle did so, and he released a lungful of screams and cries, breaking everyone’s eardrums and their hearts.

kyle stood there, worried and confused, and hovered because he did not know what to do. hell, none of them did, and then you walked out of the kitchen, rushing to yasha, and hummed songs to comfort your son.

you crooned when he made grabby hands to be picked up and you did so with no hesitation, your touch soothing the boy into quiet sniffles. but even then, yasha wouldn’t settle down as he wriggled in your arms, short limbs reaching for—

simon glowered.

yasha was reaching for kyle. you were quick to giggle, asking kyle if it was alright that yasha would eat with him, and simon had glared at his sergeant, daring him to deny their son of anything, before reluctantly nodding his approval at kyle’s happy trill of, “of course, ma’am!”

yasha had finally calmed down when you sat him on kyle’s lap, and his boy was even polite enough to actually eat his soft veggies every time kyle beckoned him to open his mouth for a new spoonful.

simon did not startle, but it was close, when your hand landed on his thigh.

“you okay, baby?” you asked, eyes furrowed in your worry.

“yeah,” he remembers replying with, his throat all choked-up because he knows yasha must be excited to have new people to play with, but still, there was something that stung when his boy chose garrick over him.

not that it was kyle’s fault because he is a dear for even doing all that he did for yasha, but simon had hoped that he would always be yasha’s favourite.

too lost in his thoughts, simon had almost missed yasha’s call.

“-ddy? daddy?” yasha asked, startling simon.

it was not the first time yasha called him that, but every time he did, it never fails to make simon melt.

“yeah? what’s up, buddy?”

simon pretended that no one was watching the interaction.

yasha giggled, hiding his food-smeared lips behind his little palms, before turning to use garrick’s front to hide from simon. you snorted, murmuring to kyle how you swear you would wash his shirt before they go, but it’s all buzz to simon because his son — his darling boy — wanted to play with him during dinner.

yasha peeked at him again, before giggling once more when he caught simon’s eyes. this continued on until dinner ended, with simon occasionally miming growling monsters to induce more hearty giggles from his son, and being rewarded with the happiest laughter ever.

simon turned to you, with his heart on his throat, and beamed.

“aww,” mactavish sang from somewhere beside him. “ain’t that adorable— argh!”

simon had swung his arm out and thumped his fist on johnny’s stomach. thank god, yasha had chosen that time to hide his face again on kyle’s stomach.

.

“unca’ john?” yasha asks in a stage-whisper because everyone within earshot just heard him even with his attempt to be quiet. it’s only their training that stopped simon from acting like he’s noticed.

“yeah, bubsy?” john replies, sounding so utterly soft that this version of him is so foreign to simon.

“this tory,” yasha says and simon discreetly peeks to see which toly is being introduced to uncle john — it’s the elephant one.

price gasps theatrically like he hadn’t seen yasha drool all over this elephant toy before, and puffs out, “how cute!”

“mhmm,” yasha says, nodding, then smacks the face of the toy on john’s face. the trunk smooshes against john’s nose, and thank god that elephant-tory is soft because that aim would have been lethal if it wasn’t.

“jesus—” price gasps out.

“language!” simon hisses, and ducks his head back down just before yasha could catch him peeking.

.

yasha is now four and he still gets teary eyed when he sees johnny. simon placates his friend and says it’ll pass soon. maybe.

basically, i wanted to write a fic wherein simon’s reaction to being presented with a child is “what— oh okay, sure why not” and (literally in 20 minutes) “i will kill everything for this child” and so here we are

a simon spinoff - it takes a rampage (to be a dad)

[snowflop]

[soupandsorcery]

Day 13 - Talisman, 763 words

They move to the couch again, keeping a distance from each other. Jamie would have this conversation curled up in Roy's lap if he could, but he can tell Roy needs some space right now, and that's okay.

He can give him that if it means he's going to tell Jamie what's going on in that beard-y head of his.

Wearing Roy's shirt still helps. It smells like him, and it's comfortable. Jamie lets his fingers stroke over the fabric, soft from being worn often, and it's a sort of talisman against the nerves still squirming in his gut.

"You ain't getting any younger, granddad," he teases, gently urging Roy on.

Roy grunts in response, his lips turning up at the corners. "I'm sorry," he says in that low, rumbling voice of his. "I know I'm being a prick. I keep trying to make decisions for you because— Fuck. Because you've got all this fucking potential, and there was no one around when I was your age to tell me not to run myself into fucking the ground or to stop and fucking think sometimes. I guess I got it in my head that I needed to do that for you."

Jamie's quiet for a moment, suddenly overcome with even more fondness for this prickly twat. Always wanting the best for Jamie, but somehow blind to the fact that he's on the list.

"I appreciate it, you know that, yeah? Everything you've done for me, all the ways you push me. Even when you're not letting me have any fun. I know you're doing it because you care."

"I do," Roy agrees softly. "I fucking care about you a lot. Probably too much."

"No such thing, Roy."

"There is," Roy insists. "Trust me. Me and Keeley...It was too much. I cared too much. Wanted to be around her all the time. She didn't like that." He turns his face away, and it's clear how much that still fucks with Roy's head.

"I'm not Keeley, though? I mean, I love her—not like that," Jamie rushes to say. "But she's...dunno. She's got her whole independent boss bitch thing going on, right? She wants to spread her wings and take the world by storm."

"And you don't?" Roy asks.

Jamie hums. Considers. "I do, yeah. I want to keep winning and keep showing off and keep being fucking amazing at what I do, but...I don't wanna do it alone, Roy. I want you to be there for all of it. You ever notice that we already spend basically all day together anyway?"

Roy snorts. "I've fucking noticed. You're always underfoot somewhere."

"Fuck off, you love it. And at the end of the day, I still wanna follow you home.

"You mean that." It's not phrased like a question, but Jamie can still hear the wonder in Roy's tone.

"Yeah, mate," he replies gently. "I wasn't kidding when I said I'm pretty gone on you. That's just...what that looks like for me. You make me feel good. Safe, like. I fucking love how intense you are about shit that matters. Makes me feel like I matter."

Roy exhales in a messy rush, but he finally looks at Jamie again. "You do matter," he says seriously. And then, "I do want you, Jamie. A whole fucking lot. I want you to follow me home, and I want to make you dinner. I want to be able to show you how fucking proud I am of you sometimes, when you're such a brilliant little prick out there on the pitch. I want to fuck you into my mattress again, and make good on your dream of me fucking you over the couch. Hell, I want to fuck you in every fucking room of my house. On every fucking surface."

"Fucking hell, Roy," Jamie breathes, smacked in the face by another wave of need.

"Too much?"

"Fuck no. Not complaining. You're just fucking getting me hot, and I'm gonna be properly pissed off if you're about to try to let me down easy."

"No. No, I want—I want to fucking do this. If you can put up with me being a miserable prick all the time."

He's quoting Jamie with that, and being so fucking open and honest that it takes Jamie's breath away. The worry of the last few days is melting away, and Jamie feels lighter than ever. They're going to work, the two of them, and it's going to be fucking mint.

"Nah," he says, grinning. "Gonna make you a whole lot less miserable instead."

[psycho-lizard9]

Look, I yell that I hate the BT and DZ fandom (and honestly the Jrock fandom in general) a lot. Not everyone tho, my friends are BT and DZ fans, they are the evidence to me that not everyone is trash. And I have spoken to some people online that... well the chats die or we don't really get along too well but they weren't bad people at all, not getting along isn't enough for me to scream they suck cause sometimes stuff just doesn't work and that's fine.

I wanna explain what I mean when I yell about the trash of the fandom. I won't be giving names (except one), but I will be giving reasons.

We have:

Clowns who go "minors DNI" but will send and request nudes when in contact with 17 year olds AND UNDER or write insanely sexual stuff around them. (17 is still a minor, pedos, and everything under that age is even fucking worse)

People who claim Atsushi was abusive towards his cats cause the cat pics are "clearly" just for attention... like bruh, there are quite some cat pics, sure, especially of Tsubaki... but do you even realize for how many years this man had cats? Compared to those years, there aren't many pics at all... that is like just a few pics per year, probably not even once a month. If he wanted to "exploit his cats for attention" he would have made a social media where he would show content of his cats daily doing the weirdest shit with them. Did he? No. He wasn't abusive.

Fuckers that claim Atsushi was a predator, especially towards young girls... uhhuh, look idk if you've seen this man before but if he would go after anyone it'd be your grandparents.

We have some hypocrite clowns who will indirectly call your work or art trash or will otherwise offend you and then yeet a "lol" behind it.

Clowns without a personality who just copy whoever the fuck they last spoke to, different person every week the fucking mysteryboxes of the fandom and sadly they often copy someone from the rest of this list.

People who want to share content but if the content is already online, will bully the other uploader to take it down (have heard too many stories about this, too many people had it happen to them but haven't seen it myself. Yet, Ive heard it more than once so I believe it)

Ableists... yeah people, autism and ADHD really do exist, other mental illnesses can also make people be a bit weird sometimes, some of us are really struggling with it... it's not fake news -_-

Stalkers.

Art thiefs.

Hypocrites (will complain about what someone else did and then do the exact same like it isn't an issue anymore suddenly)

And as much as I want to avoid names... if I have to explain this one we'll be here for a month so uh... if I say "Gekka Reijin" most people will understand what I mean cause holy FUCK get professional help...

Like I am also not a fan of gatekeepers, people who are insanely quickly offended even if you didnt mean to offend them and they won't forgive it no matter what (like bruh I say sorry and didn't even mean it the way you all see it but whatever I guess. Why did this happen several times I am literally trying to be careful about what I say and how I say it. Idk what to do anymore about this), people who will fight you over having a different opinion and people that just suddenly ignore you while you don't even know wtf happened (like wtf just tell me what your problem is cause idk what I did)... but they aren't necessarily bad people, I just don't work with them but they are NOT what I mean when I'm bitching about the fandom... even tho I don't like em. It's the disgusting fuckers that I yell about.

Anyway my DMs are open ONLY to people who do NOT identify with this goddamn list. If you are like any part of the list, please do not speak to me.

Minors can talk to me but not about NSFW topics.

P.S. I'm also not a fan of the VK war fighters. BT is VK or BT isn't VK. Toll said they aren't VK but if someone wants to believe BT is VK then whatever... no need to start a whole war about it. Also other Jrock related social wars like just let people be... like you can yell about it, sure, but omg don't scream at people specifically and call them names just cause you don't agree with em.

[asksidon]

I hate to put 2 requests in at once, but with valentines day coming up I wanted to give you time to think up a valentines drabble. That time of year has always been hard for me and I’m sure it’s hard for others too sometimes.

I love my fishy prince, so obviously wanna request a Sidon x fem reader, but if you could find time and inspiration I also think it would be cool if you could do a Bazz x reader for the Bazz lovers here. Separately of course.

TIA ❤️ your writing always makes my day!

After wandering for a while, you've found yourself in the Zodobon Highlands. The air is crisp up here, but it is a relief after working up a sweat to get here. You sit underneath the shade of a tall pine to catch your breath, your heart quickening when you hear rustling several feet away from you.

When you turn, you see the Zora prince standing between the trees. He is holding a bow and arrow, which he leans against a trunk. "I thought I'd learn how to do something new today," he explains. "Are you here to avoid it too? Valentine's Day, I mean."

You've been trying not to give it too much thought. Your intention wasn't so much to run away as it was to spend a day with yourself. Then you think about the market inundated with people trying to sell you chocolate-covered strawberries in heart-shaped containers and all the pink, white, and red everywhere. Balloons, cards, candies. You didn't want to think about it, but it was everywhere. So it only made sense that you turned and walked in the other direction . . . and kept walking, for some time.

"I guess I am, yeah," you say. "I've never liked chocolate and flowers all that much, but days like this make me feel like I'm crazy for feeling that way."

Sidon comes to sit by you. "I know what you mean. I like chocolate and flowers well enough, really, but Tula and her crew are a little overwhelming. I suppose I have no right to complain . . . I'm not lonely, at least. Not unhappy. I just prefer to stay away from them."

You feel a little conflicted as you consider his response, not relishing the thought of Tula as Sidon's Valentine. You often wonder if he has someone, but if he did, then you suppose you wouldn't have found him here alone. "I'm glad you're not unhappy. Same for me. The day is just kind of blah. I wish I felt that way about someone that I could actually be with."

Sidon studies you and picks a silent princess, rolling the stem between his fingers. "Do you feel that way about someone you can't be with, then?"

You think it is safer not to answer. A beat passes and you stare at the pool of water below the mountains, where Vah Ruta rests. You remember the story about how Link rode on Sidon's back to tame the Divine Beast. You wish you had an adventure like that one to take on with Sidon; you wish you had some special talent or ability that would make you stand out to him.

"I kind of feel that way too," he offers after several moments of silence. "The people who bug me on Valentine's Day aren't the one I want to hear from. So, I hide . . . because it hurts to see her, but then she finds me anyway."

It takes his words a minute to sink in. You look over and realize his hand is trembling as he fidgets with the flower, his gaze flickering from your eyes to a random patch of pine needles on the ground. "I hate it that I feel like I can't ask her on a date," he continues. "I very much want to, but I worry about the attention she'll get. The Zora can be a little . . . unwelcoming sometimes, especially toward Hylians, and when a matter concerns their prince. If anyone ever hurt her, I would feel responsible. So, it's easier to just hope someday the feelings will go away, and avoid everything romantic in the meantime."

"Oh, Sidon." You reach for his hands. Words and thoughts fail you. Of all the things you expected to happen on this day, this would not have even been the last. It was never a thought to begin with, so it had no sequence in the order of your expectations.

"I'm sorry," he says. He holds your hands for a moment, then pulls back. "This is incredibly selfish of me. To tell you how I feel, but to be too cowardly to act on it. But you seemed . . . sad, and I didn't want you to think . . . to believe that no one is thinking of you on this day, because I am. I always am, Y/N."

It is just like him. To be sad himself, but to see an opportunity to make someone else happy and take it. He has made you happy, but it is bittersweet. You want the thing he suggests so much. Until now, you had thought it impossible because you believed there was no way he could feel anything other than friendship for you.

"You're not a coward." You understand his reasoning, and you've tried to stay out of the spotlight because you understand so well. Even revealing how close your friendship is with the prince could bring unwanted attention from his fan club. "You're a prince, who will one day be king. Of course it matters what your people think about you. You must do what is right, even if . . . even if I feel the same way about you."

Both of you stare silently at Vah Ruta for a while. The sun is beginning to sink to oblivion to give the moon its turn, a chilly wind blowing through the trees. Sidon releases a breath and says, "To Hylia with what people think." He shifts to rest his weight on his knee, and he looks like he is about to propose. "Y/N, I want you to be my Valentine. Will you?"

He holds the silent princess out to you. "I should have gotten you real flowers," he says, frowning. "More of them, I mean. A whole bouquet or twenty."

You accept his offering. "One is more than enough," you tell him. "Really, I hate getting flowers as gifts. They wilt and die, and then I get sad."

You and the silent princess are nearly crushed in his embrace. "I promise I'll never give you another flower, then. Wait." He pulls back again. "Are you saying yes?"

You chuckle, wipe your eyes that have suddenly become watery, and nod. "About that date . . ."

"Yes. Where do you want to go?"

He sees you look longingly toward Vah Ruta and nods.

"I like that idea very much. Climb on my back -- it will be much faster than walking."

[kusundei]

iiii ammmmmm?? tweaking????? sort of but not really. just feeeeling. doooooomed maybe. just a tad bit. earlier was badddd. my hand is still aching i cleaned it and everything but iw ouldnt be shocked ifit was still bleeeeeding.??? idk i did that to myself soicant rlly complain i suppose. she was kind after though so i assume she felt bad. obviously she didnt intend to dothat but?? idk. just feeling verrryyyyy . down. not like tuesday just sorta???? tired and sad?????? i guess ill say sad

its just ughhhhh. still sort of upset w her but i also feelbad for being evil??? but besides that i just have no motivation. i want tosleep but ive also been gone allday regardless. need torespond to the email and pander and be okay,????? iiiiii just do not have time toooo be sad or upset. consumes me too much and i dont rlly wanna feeeel like this rightnowwww. im still hereeeee im living im positive:3 just like. idk. im yearning too which makes me feel a ltitle worseeee. but iam kinddddd.?? icant focus and do my hw rn ill just. lock in tmr morning and panic ab it then. also just worried maybe. a little. i feelbad. but its okay. weeeee r okay iiii am okay. will lay in bed and try not to fall asleep i suppposeee but everything is so slow on my laptop. illtry and cheer ymself up or somethingggg.???????? but we'll beeee okay. willt ry and slepe earlier (which i say all the time but nooo. i never rlly do ^_^) i just wish i could nap agaaaaaaainn. oh to not be evil. im so sorta delirious and ihave been all day but its like. the other type. im functioning but imalso not. cant think. but whatever its night anyway its not like it matters....... i just^_^ missed ajax sososo much^_^ i always always doooo ^_^ perchance nowwwwwww was not a good time but whaaaatever..... i miss himmmm :3 badly ^_^ in an evilway and i mean that not freakily^_^ BUT IMKIND. kind kind kind i am kind. imbeing evil. bound to tweak at the same time asthe poets would say (heh) but noooooo im nottweaking........

[kulekrizpy]

my friend/ex was really upset yesterday. his body is all messed up from various injuries, he needs dental work. i told him to call out of work bc he wasn’t going to get any sleep before his shift

he moved near his hometown with some planning but not a lot. he wants to go to school. but he won’t have in-state tuition since he was living in my state prior to moving. he works really hard at work but it’s physical labor and it only makes his health issues worse. he also doesn’t want to move up to a less labor-intensive position :/ he honestly needs to take medical leave

and he’s upset with my brother for various reasons, but last night he was drinking and it all came out and he messaged my brother and my mother about how upset he was about my brother breaking something of mine and not paying in full to replace it. he’s struggling with money on his own and he resents my brother for having a cushy job that he complains about and flouts authority on. in many ways my brother IS entitled and probably WOULD benefit from being punched in the face at least once for his shitty political views, especially bc my ex is genderqueer. but he has definitely not spoken frankly about it with my brother

speaking of which, now he’s in a less accepting place and tho he “toned down the queer” he still gets looks from ppl and it’s stressing him out a lot. he worries about going thru backroads in case his car breaks down and someone kills him

all his friends from back home are druggies or complete deadbeats or both and he’s had a falling out with everyone since he moved. he’s also worried one of his older friends won’t live beyond this year. so now all the friends he does rely on are in my area and not his and he’s very lonely and isolated. and that also means i’m his best friend rn, which he’s told me several times

a week or so ago he wanted to make a risky and illegal change in career and after i told him i wouldn’t have been friends with him anymore if he decided to do it, he told me he still wants to fuck me. when i told him i can’t be casual with him anymore so don’t say that, he said he didn’t say it properly and that he meant he wants to be with me, eventually. and it’s just a whole fucking thing. he can’t even articulate what he wants. i told him not to mention it again unless he was sure and confident he could actually be a good partner to me. and i told him i need time to get over him too

and last night, we were chatting and i realized he’d been drinking, and he’s in a negative spiral/combative. he messaged my family. i told him he should wait til the morning and he did it anyway. at that point i said whatever. the call dragged on for hours tho he needed to sleep for work. he was in such a state i didn’t feel comfortable getting off the phone with him in case he did something very risky, like driving drunk or idk what else. he talked about wanting to lay down on some train tracks…

AND he called me again at work the other day. like. on the work phone. he used to work there but it’s just… not professional. feels weird. esp bc he was doing it cuz he was drunk. told him to text or call my phone next time

he gets drunk and disregards boundaries. bc he also mentioned the dating thing last night while we were talking. and when i told him not to he sidestepped and kept going on about whatever rant. and he just argues abt everything when he’s drunk. DUMB shit. like me taking my bike apart to store it easier. like bruh leave me alone ??

in the end he called out of work, then talked to his sister and i guess she convinced him to drive up instead of doing something dumber. i asked if he was sober enough and he said yeah. which he would’ve said no matter what i’m sure :|

so. he got to his family’s place and i guess i’ll see him today sometime. i told him i don’t want to drink and my brother doesn’t wanna drink with him either, so we’ll avoid that at our house at least

he’s trying, but he’s also falling back on stupid habits. i just hope he can figure out how to get the help he needs

and i need to figure out how to keep my boundaries

the cats woke me up earlier. i need to sleep more before i see him. good night

[shadowthehedgehog]

what the hell is writscrib what the hell do you mean by fat fetish art drama

I wanna preface this by saying that I dont remember everything that happened exactly and that theres def some informationIm gonna get wrong and also I dont have any evidence like screenshots or anything. All of this info is stuff i vaguely remembered from 2018. so basically

anyways. writscrib was (keyword was) a website thats very similar to pillowfort in a sense that it was supposed to be a superior alternative to tumblr. so like better user experience, better moderation and support, and it also prided itself that it was gonna be harassment free and callout posts werent allowed and at the time a lot of tumblr users bitched and moaned about cancel culture so they were frothing at the mouth about this. It had an indiegogo campaign and it ended up reaching its goal

They did open beta in 2018 and I signed up cause I thought it was gonna be the next big website (it wasnt) and I wanted to steal as many good usernames as I can. The extremely awful thing I remember about opening that damn website is that at the time everyone shared the same feed/dash no matter who you followed. So like for example, you dont follow me but my posts will still show up on your feed and it was the same for everyone.

So like Im on writscrib and im scrolling and someone posted. art they made of a fat person eating a burger and its very obviously drawn in fetishistic manner. And because all the users on that website share the same feed we were all seeing it real time so all of us were making posts like "did anyone else see that fat fetish art or was i imagining it" and the person who drew it who Ill call the Artist started getting extremely defensive about it

So I make a post that was along the lines of "i just opened this website and the first thing i see is fat fetish art lol" and the Artist SAW IT and replied like "its not nice to make fun of peoples art" which like. idk buddy ur putting fetish art that a lot of people didnt wanna see on our feeds but whatever.

I dont reply but someone else does and Ill call this person the Commenter (theyre still on tumblr but i wanna preserve their anonymity) and I guess an argument broke out between them that escalated and the Commenter was being kind of an asshole about it. So the next couple things that happened are kind of fuzzy but I guess the Artist reported him and the Commenter got their account banned. The Commenter kind of complained about it on tumblr and the Creator of writscrib saw because they were going through the writscrib tag and the Creator made it so the Commenter was perma banned for breaking TOS.

This caused more drama because the Creator responded in a really petty and passive aggressive way and a lot of people were like "hey this person got banned from writscrib for talking shit about it on a different website. Thats really fucked up and oppressive moderating" So it started this huge drama and the Creator made a non apology. I should also say that I went thru the Artists blog cause I found it and they did admit that they drew fat fetish art on purpose to start drama and troll people yet no one said anything so hmmm....

A side note but I made a mutual during that time who was a mod of the website and knew the Creator and apparently the Creator was a huge asshole to them. However I have no proof of this so like. Take it with a grain of salt.

Anyways the website ended up crashing and burning and shut down after a few months. lol. lmao even

[0-cal-princess]

I think my friend is cutting me off cuz she found out about my eating this order so I'm gonna complain and moan about it 🍓

So basically you wanna cut me off after nearly 4 years of friendship because I got a little too silly and developed an ed??? Even after everything we been thru together??? Girl what the fuck. I never fucking judged you for the dumb ass shit you do even when I knew you were 100% in the wrong. You have no fucking right getting on your high horse calling me sick, saying I need help and that I'm doing something wrong when you partake in equally self-destructive behaviors, what the fuck??? I literally was there for you when your life was falling apart (which was 100% preventable if you just stayed put and did things the right way like i fucking told you but oh well), drying your tears and holding your hand because i love you and i care for you no matter what you did so it really fucking hurts me to see you ghosting and avoiding, and treating me all dry. I understand it was my fault for being honest and transparent with you about my issues but you're literally my best friend??? Like i've never opened up to anyone like I have with you, that's why i felt comfortable telling you about my bulim1a. i never expected you to react the way you're reacting and it honestly really fucking hurts my feelings. Ik you're going thru a lot but if you dont like me anymore you can just use your big girl voice and fucking say it to my face instead of ghosting me and treating me badly. we are fucking adults so why dont you act like one???? I never fucking offended you, or body shamed you, or said anything about your weight so why are you telling ME im losing too fast and obsessing over it??? you could have just kept your mouth shut and let it go like I do every time you talk to me about some dumb ass shit you do. anyways your fucking loss i guess, thanks for being my friend and im sorry we broke it off this way i hope nothing but the best for you and i really hope you work on your issues, i will strive to do the same

my friend confronted me about my ed and then ghosted me after telling her it wasn't that deep. I feel like a fool for spamming her phone trying to get a response out of her. ig i'll wait another day then i will text her the classic "did i do something wrong :(" typa shit. i just wanted to vent cuz i cant get it out of my head. it bothers me so fucking much like sis what the fuck since when are you the moral authority??? but anyways

I broke my purge-free streak yesterday and it wasn't fun. I couldn't even purge it all cuz it got to the point where i gave myself a horrible headache so i just let it be. I think i will go over my cal limit today as well so yay aint it fun?? I feel like somebody beat the shit out of me, i still have a pounding headache, my chest feels like somebody punched the shit out of it, i have no energy and my throat is fucked. Im also very dumb so i weighed myself and got spooked so I took some laxs as if my life is not miserable enough yaay for me. Never purging again in my fucking life (that's a lie). anyways thanks if you read it all, stay skinny ladies <3

[stevebabey]

I'm the first anon, thank you so much for understanding. I have those feelings for months now and I'm going crazy lmao.

I wish I could get into character x character stuff, but unfortunately, my stupid brain loves to consume stuff through self insert, so x reader is my preferred outlet for everything :/ I just feel like I don't belong anywhere in this fandom rn in terms of content creation. I'm not into most x reader stuff and I like to explore more character things, but I also don't really belong in there because I'm not a shipper.

It's just so frustrating to see, and the other anon was right. The tiktokification of media and fandoms in general is insane to watch. Like I saw a tiktok that complained that the Poppy War by Rf Kuang was boring because it had no spice. M'am, this is a book about war? 😭 Or, like everything is described in tropes (that's a problem for books, not fanfic per se) for fast consumption, the plot doesn't matter if certain scenarios are not ticked off. Not to mention AI and things like characterAI where people just get quickly what they want without using really their imagination (plus them not caring that this is stealing from real people).

And yeah, the whole minor part. It's insane to tell 12 year olds, that virgins write the best stuff. I'm reading and writing fics since I was 14, and I'm "lucky" I wasn't really exposed to those things until I was 16. English isn't my first language, so fanfics were a bit limited, I guess (plus having a very nieche interest that didn't reach international fame and fandom). Also, I mostly consumed stuff from friends I know irl and we had a few spicy scenes because we were curious, but we never got exposed to hardcore smut. I'm not saying there should be no smut at all, everyone is free to express themselves. It's a problem if the fandom is only that because it creates a space not everyone has access to or gets messed up. Fandom is community and everyone should feel welcome. If I was a minor and all writer blogs tell me to fuck off because they only write mature things, idk if I would even wanna stay. Which is also another problem because fandoms die out so quickly as it is.

Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this exactly because you already said everything and I agree with you. <33

omg you say you don't know where you're going with this but brought up so many good POINTS

you're not crazy and you're definitely not the only one feeling that way!! i understand completely and it's infuriating that the topic of it is almost tongue in cheek in this fandom and lots of people feel they would be better off biting their tongue than expressing that frustration ://

character x character is something that takes a hot minute to get into i've found, i've honestly only just gotten into it within the last year or so (because i also struggle with like ocs and the like) but i am a long lover of the self insert i can't even lie <3

but there's like a difference between the way you describe this!! i think you're very much like me and it's like a genuine love for a character that drives your desire for writing self-insert- its like i love this dude so much and i want them to be happy and i want to be that source of happiness, i want to be that first kiss or gentle touch they need :D

andddd that's my problem with so much of the smut-leaning fics. where's the soul!?! where's the driving heart of the story? the best fics are the most self indulgent because you can see the best parts of someone in them !!!!

i'm really sorry that you feel like you don't have a place in this fandom but you do definitely belong here honey- fandom is supposed to be a community and there's no prerequisite to existing here at all and the fact there feels like there are certain amounts you have to succeed in to be a writer is so just bleh

tiktok is a goddam brainrotting place lmao and every day im not on it is a great one! the trope shit is SO true, like the idea that if you can check a few boxes (one of those things being smut) its the thing that makes a piece good instead of how it's written and the passion for the story like ugh and don't even get me started on ai 😭 that is a shitshow in itself and anyone who uses that to write fics or complete other peoples fics are absolute garbage people

the minor thing is yeah completely fucked and you raise SUCH a good point about how it limits the spaces that they can occupy which is so fucking stupid cos how many of us started in fandom at young ages??? everyone should feel welcome! and god the thought of someone trying to so hard to avoid nsfw content but just to have it shoved down their throat in every other post and also having so many writers telling them to fuck off ur so right, i wouldn't wanna stay either!

and it's just so so so sad because there are a thousand people who i WISH would write their ideas, write their fics, whether its bad or good first time around because THAT is the point of fandom. love for the source! new ideas! people's new takes on old tropes over and over :D

ah you opened the floodgate in me.... you didn't ask for advice but truly, write the most self indulgent stuff ever and it can't lead you wrong. i hope the culture of fandom changes and every time you ignore the urge to write for what u think people will like and just write what you want, we all get a little bit closer to that change :")

[psmd-lingering-shadows]

Part 1: Introspection

When I got home, I yelled out for Pops to let him know I was there. However, when I didn’t immediately hear a reply from him, a confused expression formed on my face. Wondering if he somehow didn’t hear me, I went into the kitchen to see if he might have been cooking anything.

Huh…he wasn’t there…

I left the kitchen to see if he was in my room. Whenever I’m not at home, he usually ends up cleaning it because he always complains that I never pick up after myself. Which, uh, isn’t necessarily wrong, but…that’s where I practice my map-making! That’s what I usually do when I’m not outside. And it’s just so inconvenient having to put it all back when I use those materials literally all the time!

…

Uh…Anyway…

I went and checked my room, only to see that it was empty, too. Did that mean he was gone…?

Upon realizing that I was the only one in the house, a small frown formed on my face. I came home early so I could eat together with him, and he wasn’t even here? Aw, what a bummer…

I shook my head and sighed. Well, it’s fine. I’ll just eat by myself, I guess…

I went back to the kitchen and opened the pantry. I saw the leftover food that Pops and I ate last night - half a loaf of Oran Bread. The entire loaf that Pops made was really big, so we couldn’t manage to finish it in one go. I grabbed the bread and set it on the table. Then I grabbed a butter knife from the top drawer and cut a relatively reasonable size off. Then I went back to the pantry and grabbed a few fruits to eat with along with the bread. Once everything was all set, I sat down and started to dig in.

…

…!

Oh my gosh!

A wave of euphoria spread across my entire body. This bread tastes absolutely delicious! They say that leftovers don’t taste as good compared to when they’ve just been made, but this somehow tastes just as good as it did yesterday! Well, I guess that’s Pops for you. Despite being a such a grouch, he’s one of the best cooks I know. I’m so lucky to be able to eat his amazing food every day.

Some time had passed, and before I knew it, my plate was empty. I had completely finished my meal. Geez, I could have sworn that I had some more bread left. Was I that hungry…? Slightly disappointed that I had eaten everything already, I grabbed my plate and put it on the kitchen counter for it to be washed later. Then I took the bread and walked towards the pantry, ready to put it away. That’s when I began eyeing it for a moment, wondering if I should help myself to some more. It wouldn’t be THAT much, just a small piece…

“…”

…N-no! What am I doing?!

For goodness sake, Nozomi…don’t be such a glutton! Save the rest of the bread for Pops! I’m sure he’d want some of it, too.

After briefly reprimanding myself for being so greedy, I put the Oran Bread back in the pantry. Then I headed into my room to work on my map-making skills. I retrieved my materials from my drawer, sat on my bed, and started practicing. I’ve been slowly improving, but I’m nowhere near as good as I wanna be. The geography lessons at school gave me a basic idea of how a map’s supposed to look, but I still need to sketch one on my own to get experience. If I wanna complete a map of the world someday, then I gotta keep practicing!

Yeah, that’s right. It’s been my dream to create a map of the whole world and travel since I was little. I’d go on all sorts of adventures, meet all kinds of Pokémon…it would be so much fun! I’ve been hoping to achieve that dream all this time, and right now, the best possibility of that happening is if I traveled to Lively Town and joined the Expedition Society! If I were to do that, I’d be one step closer to making it come true. But, whenever I mention the idea to my Pops or anyone in the village, they all tell me the same thing - I’m too young to join the Expedition Society or even leave the village. I’ve been discouraged from leaving the village more times than I can count. But you know what? It doesn’t matter! I’m never giving up on my dream, no matter what others tell me! I’ll keep working towards it until it finally comes true. Just watch me!

…Whoa, I kinda got riled up for a moment there, didn’t I? Hehe, I usually get like this whenever I start to think about that stuff. …Um, wait a second. What was I doing before…?

Oh yeah! Map-making!

I shook my head and took a deep breath to get myself to focus, then went back to practicing. From the moment I started to the moment I finished, I was completely into it. I was super-determined to get better at this. Once I was finished with the current map I was working on, I went and got the map that I had completed a few days ago. I looked between the map I had just finished and the previous one to see whether or not I had improved at all.

…

…

…

“…Mm-hmm!”

A satisfied expression formed on my face. Oh, yeah. This one was totally better - loads more detailed than the other one. This was definitely a step-up from before! Alright!

After happily doing a small celebratory dance to acknowledge the fact that I was improving, I went ahead and gathered up all of my materials and put them back in the drawer. Then I looked outside the window of my room and saw that the sun was beginning to set. That’s when I suddenly realized - Pops still wasn’t back yet. I was so wrapped up in my own stuff that I didn’t even notice before. I was starting to get a little concerned. He should have been back by now. Did something happen…?

Suddenly, as if on cue, I heard footsteps approaching the house. I immediately looked out the window again and saw Pops walking towards the front door. A sigh of relief escaped from my beak knowing that he was okay. I excitedly ran towards the entrance and opened the door for him before he got to it. He noticed the door opening and saw me standing at the entrance, causing him to stare at me curiously. When he got inside, I ran up to him and gave him a big hug, causing him to chuckle and pat my head in response.

“Well, now. You seem to be in high spirits this evening,” he jested.

I kept hugging him for a few more seconds until I eventually decided to let go of him. Then I asked him where he was this whole time.

“Hmm? Where was I? Mr. Hippopotas asked me to help with some chores at his home, and I agreed. It ended up taking a bit longer than I would have hoped for, though…”

Then he gave me a questioning look until he realized why I asked him that question. “Hold on…you haven’t been here this entire time, have you?” he asked.

I nodded at him and explained that I wanted to eat dinner with him as a way of making up for leaving so suddenly this morning. Once he heard that, he looked down with a slightly guilty expression.

“I see…I’m sorry for not being here, then. You’re usually off somewhere in the village after school ends, so the thought didn’t even cross my mind that you’d come home so early.”

Well, I guess he does have a point.

“Well, regardless, I do appreciate you wanting to do that. Don’t worry, though. I’ll be home tomorrow, so we can eat together then,” he said with a smile.

I returned the smile and eagerly nodded in response to what he said. That definitely sounded good to me!

When that was settled, Pops decided to switch the subject. “Ah, speaking of school, how did it go today? Did you manage to make it on time?” he asked.

…Oh, right. School.

Not really wanting to go into detail about the entire day, I simply told him that I managed to make it time and that the school day went on normally.

Once I finished speaking, Pops nodded his head. “I see. Well, it’s a relief to know that you didn’t get into trouble…this time,” he said, causing me to avert my eyes and awkwardly clear my throat. “But…this whole situation is still worrying.”

I stared at him with a confused expression. Worrying? What is?

“Well, for the past few weeks, you’ve started sleeping in more. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve had to wake you up from time to time so you could avoid being late for school…like today. Even then, you don’t always make it on time.”

…

“And when you do manage to wake up on your own, you always look so drained…like you didn’t get any rest at all. I usually have to give you a cup of Chesto Juice to rid your body of any lingering drowsiness. The way you look in the morning…it’s the complete opposite of the Nozomi I’ve grown to know in the last ten years.”

…

“When it first started happening, I thought that you might have been sick. But from what I’ve seen, you seem to feel better once you’ve gotten some energy in your system, so that doesn’t seem to be the case. And it looks like you’ve been carrying on this entire time as your usual self, but I just can’t quite shake the feeling that there’s just something…off about you.”

…

“I’ve kept quiet about it all this time because I assumed you would let me know if anything was bothering you. But it’s been three weeks since it started happening and you haven’t said a word. So, I’ll ask you what I should have asked you sooner - is everything alright?”

…

“Nozomi.”

I…

Pops was looking at me with a stern, yet concerned expression. It honestly caught me off guard. I didn’t really know how to answer him. It’s not like I wanted to lie to him. Everything was fine. At least, I thought it was. But, when he mentioned how something seemed off about me, I was overcome with a strange feeling…It was like a memory that I had forgotten was trying to come back to me. But no matter how hard I tried to get it to resurface, it would always be pushed back down into the depths of my mind. It was so darn frustrating…

I turned my attention back to Pops, who was still waiting for an answer. I honestly wanted to try and get to the bottom of the problem, but everything seemed fine at the moment. Or, if it wasn’t, I couldn’t figure out what it was yet. In the end, I simply nodded and told him everything was okay.

Pops kept staring at me, obviously skeptical of my answer. “Really? Nothing is going on? Are you absolutely sure?” he asked.

I gave him a reassuring smile and gave him the same answer: everything was totally fine. Then I promised him that if something was wrong, I’d be sure to tell him.

After a few more seconds of staring, Pops relented and gave me a sigh. “Very well. I’ll choose to believe your words for the time being. But…if you have any sort of problem, you had better talk to me about it like you promised you would, understood?” he asked with a hint of strictness in his voice.

I looked at him with a serious expression and gave him a single nod.

Yeah…I completely understand.

“…Alright, then. If you’re certain that everything’s fine, then I’ll leave it at that. Now then…” he said as he gestured towards his belly, “…I’m quite famished. You made sure to save some of the Oran Bread, right?” he asked. When I told him that I did, he smiled. “Ah, good. A part of me expected you to have eaten the rest of it all,” he said teasingly.

Wha-?! Hey!

I gave him an annoyed pout, causing him to chuckle and pat my head again.

“Alright, now. I’ll be eating in the kitchen. Give me a holler if you need anything.”

And with that, Pops walked past me and headed for the pantry to get the bread. I went back to my room and ended up spending the rest of the evening thinking about what Pops said. Eventually, nighttime came, and I was getting ready for bed. However, despite trying not let our conversation bother me, I just couldn’t help it, especially that one part of what he said. Something was off about me, huh…? I wonder what that could be. There was also that odd sensation I felt during our conversation, too. And on top of that, I keep oversleeping and waking up with no energy? This all just seemed to weird to me. Why was this all happening at once? Could they somehow be related…?

…

Nngh…

Ugh, thinking about this is making me tired.

I groaned in frustration as I plopped down on my bed. No, no more thinking about this. It’s all just in my head. I’m just freaking out over nothing! It’s gotta be a coincidence!

It’s gotta be…

…

Right…?

With those lingering concerns still floating around in my head, I somehow managed to fall into a deep, yet troubling slumber.

[thesoulofasurvivor]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. ( REPOST DO NOT REBLOG ! )

○    name: Brittany, or you can call me Britt.

○    pronouns: she/her.

○    preference of communication: just tumblr pms. I do have discord I have a few people on there, but right on tumblr is just better and easier lol

○     name of muse(s): on this blog, it's just Bailey

○    experience/how long (months/years?): I've been writing for a long ass time I just don't know how long lol, I want to say at least since 2015, but honestly, probably longer than that. I haven't been consistently roleplaying in all those years, lots of on and off, but yeah

○    platforms you’ve used: like a bunch of random roleplay websites, but ever since I joined tumblr I've never looked back

○    best experience: okay honestly I think right now is my best experience I mean, I've been on tumblr a long time but since coming back after a two year gap during lovely covid, everything has been just extra fantastic. I've met back up with people I used to write with, I've met so many amazing people and I just couldn't possibly feel more welcome and more excited to write with everyone. I just love it here lol, everybody here is what makes being here such a great experience

○    rp pet peeves / dealbreakers: I mean, this is actually kinda hard. It is a little frustrating when people follow me or follow me back and then never interact cause I get stupid happy when I see new followers. This rarely happens but it still did happen..... People who tell me they know nothing about my character and ask me to tell them about my muse, and their excuse is "well she's an oc," as if my blog isn't flooding with information about my muse. I guess not really roleplay specific but, it's definitely annoying when people complain about things other people in the rpc do when it's literally like, like it doesn't matter it's this innocent thing but for some reason they're treating it like it's a crime. Biggest dealbreaker is not respecting my boundaries and just being rude, or passively rude. Like seriously just be nice and compassionate and we good

○    fluff, angst, or smut: fluff and angst. I don't like smut, I don't care about smut, I just... have zero interest. And Bailey is 14 years old anyways so like, jfc no. Even with muses of age, no smut. Angst and fluff though yesyes

○    plots or memes: I am literally the absolute worst when it comes to plotting. My brain is just, it don't function that way? Me and plot ideas do not have a good relationship at all. That doesn't mean I won't plot at all, I will, if that is what people want. But I always tell people and I put it in my rules that I am literally so terrible and please don't get mad at me if I can't think of anything lol. So obviously I love just winging it, and I really love memes and continuing from memes cause they help give ideas!

○    long or short replies: I feel like I mostly do 3 or 4 paragraphs. I try to match what my partner writes. I think I can write more than that if I try, but I don't want to overwhelm anyone so I try matching what they write. It also depends on the reply because sometimes depending on what's going on I can write more or can't figure out how to write more

○    best time to write: I have no life whatsoever so my best time to write is literally just whenever the heck. All of the times.

○    are you like your muse(s): In some ways? I think we both enjoy the word fuck oop, but she's definitely more confident than I am and won't hesitate to punch you in the face with her knife whereas I am scared of my own shadow... But we both love stuffed animals. I have a huge collection of plushies and she's really attached to her stuffed bear.

tagged by: @demcnsinmymind tagging: @betaofthedead @wexarethewalkingxdead @wolfvirago @divxne-calcmity and if you see this and wanna do it, do it!

[troglobite]

asldkjfs

haha guess today isn't a day where i can talk to or hang out with my mom!!!!

my stupid fucking laptop fell off my bed and broke its own charger--AGAIN.

this time it BENT THE FUCKING PRONGS ON THE ACTUAL CHARGER.

and i'm tired, on my period, and uncomfortable and crabby.

so i go out to complain to my mom and ask for help

she immediately says do you want to look for a new charger

the thing is I'VE ALREADY DONE THAT BEFORE

i spent DAYS looking for a charger for my stupid piece of shit macbook pro that is 1. compatible 2. lasts forever 3. doesn't randomly start fires

and i decided

this is too much money and not worth the pain in the ass

i'll just get another fucking apple charger. this one lasted fine, it's whatever.

except it gets here and it REEKS OF GASOLINE as MANY apple products have since fucking 2016!

i clean and clean and clean it to get rid of the smell and it NEVER GOES AWAY so we have to fucking return it

so she asks me

do i wanna look for another charger

no, i don't

i spent all that time and money on it before only to keep using the charger that was already "broken" anyway all this time

it's slightly more broken now but will still be functional

so no, i DON'T want to look for a charger when i am TIRED, CRABBY, ON MY PERIOD, AND DEEPLY PHYSICALLY UNCOMFORTABLE

but me expressing that? as best i can when i am TIRED AND HAVING DIFFICULTY WITH WORDS?

well apparently that's me "discounting everything she says"

so i try to fucking talk to her as she uses tools to straighten out the prong on the charger

and she just ignores me

she won't say ANYTHING

SHE FUCKING IGNORES ME THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME NO MATTER WHAT I SAY

so i go to the bathroom and avoid HER

and it's fine, it's mostly straight now, it works

so i have to fucking text her to ask if she's mad at me for breaking the fucking charger

no, she says, "you just discount everything i say so i just have to keep my mouth shut"

WHICH IS WHAT SHE DOES WHENEVER SHE'S MAD AT SOMETHING FUCKING ELSE AND NOT ME BUT DECIDES TO TAKE IT OUT ON ME FOR EXISTING AND BEING UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING

so i explain to her, IN DETAIL, why me being IRRITATED AND DISAGREEING WITH HER ONE FUCKING QUESTION ABOUT LOOKING FOR A NEW CHARGER IS NOT THE SAME AS DISCOUNTING EVERYTHING SHE FUCKING SAYS

and she doesn't respond. at all. nothing. she won't talk to me.

so it's just going to be one of those days and i'm fucking sick of her refusing to acknowledge when she's in a bad fucking mood and taking it out on me

i recognize it's not fun to have our first interaction of the day be me walking out and pissed off abt my stupid piece of shit laptop and its stupid fucking piece of shit twice broken charger

but FUCKING CHRIST

ME GETTING VAGUELY FRUSTRATED AND HAVING DIFFICULTY USING WORDS TO EXPLAIN WHY HER ONE QUESTION/SUGGESTION ISN'T SUPER HELPFUL RIGHT NOW IS NOT THE SAME AS DISCOUNTING EVERYTHING SHE FUCKING SAYS

i'm so fucking tired and exhausted of this shit

it's unpredictable and annoying and she NEVER TAKES RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY OF IT!!!! NEVER!!!!!

SHE NEVER FUCKING ACCEPTS THAT SHE'S JUST IN A BAD MOOD OR DOESN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ME

AND INSTEAD OF SAYING THAT AND JUST BEING LIKE "SORRY I'M NOT IN THE MOOD SO I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING, I'M ALSO MAD BUT ABOUT OTHER STUFF"

SHE JUST FUCKING TAKES IT OUT ON ME AND ACTS LIKE IT'S ENTIRELY MY FUCKING FAULT AND THAT I AM SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR HER SHITTY MOODS AND MEAN BEHAVIOR

literally the SECOND she's in a bad mood, i become An Evil Dictator Who Doesn't Let Her Do Anything or Listen To Her At All

and i'm so fucking tired of this shit

like it HURTS to be accused of that garbage WHEN IT'S NOT FUCKING TRUE

when my DAD is the one who would do that shit NOT ME

and HE ALSO DID IT TO ME

it's just always there lurking under the fucking surface, that she thinks i am my dad bc i'm disabled and need help, and bc of her own fucked up shit and trauma that she refuses to even LOOK at, she thinks that makes me an evil person bc SHE automatically does shit in response to someone being upset abt ANYTHING.

that's not my fucking responsibility and i'm FUCKING TIRED of having to be the one to DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCEDBFHJG,CNFMN,XHLJ,BXHKMRES

but noooooooo fuck looking at counselors for us to talk to

we're not going to do that until possibly may

if it ever even fucking happens!!!! HAHAHDLK JFACHDLIUAHIUWJZ

[riddlerosehearts]

...well. i finished my first playthrough of baldur's gate 3. over the last several days i did the fight against gortash, the final battle against the netherbrain, the ending scenes at the docks, and the epilogue party. in this post i'll just write about everything up until the ending cutscenes start, and then make another post tomorrow because i have many thoughts and i don't want to make this be insanely long. not that it matters since i've basically just been making these posts for myself the entire time, but ANYWAY

love the fact that i was able to cast otto's irresistible dance on gortash during the very first turn and keep him boogeying for a bit before he managed to break out of it. using it on someone like him is just hilarious. this battle was surprisingly really easy, though? like with both otto's irresistible dance and hold person available, gortash barely got to do anything and there were only a couple other enemies who were incredibly easy to defeat. the grenade launchers were more annoying than anything else. kind of underwhelming but considering how difficult some of the other act 3 fights have been, and how close i now am to the end, i'm not complaining!

i'm so sad about karlach oh my god. she hasn't even been a favorite of mine, i mean, i like her a lot, she's always a delight to talk to, but she's not the type of character i get as easily attached to and i haven't used her on my team that much overall. and yet her voice acting was so full of emotion and her dialogue so heartwrenching that she made me wanna cry. gortash is dead and it should feel like this big victory but for her it isn't, because it doesn't change anything about what's happened or what's going to happen to her... elenion tried to joke around and call gortash ugly and karlach said she was too tired to laugh. they told her they think she should keep living as long as she can and she said "you do it, i'm tired". she's tried so hard to seem positive and hide her loneliness but now she's so caught up in her grief and anger that she's just tired of it all. "i want to live" plays in the background of the scene. she ends things by saying "love you" even if you're not romancing her. god i want to hug her so bad :( going to use the hugs mod i have installed to do that after talking to her back at camp.

talking to everyone around the camp, lae'zel is so encouraging in her own way and even astarion says there's no justice in the world because of what's happening to karlach... for some reason, it was this bit of dialogue with jaheira that made me actually tear up a little:

like i guess it's just the fact that jaheira is this legendary hero that karlach looks up to and was so excited to meet, and here she is saying she doesn't know what else she can do to help karlach. it's so unfair what the fuck!!

had to screenshot this dialogue from wyll in the astral plane because i love him:

the emperor is an interesting character, and i can honestly understand why some people, and some tavs, might trust him and want to ally with him. but elenion is very untrusting by nature, and sure, he's grown a lot and learned to put more trust in his allies--but the emperor as the dream guardian just constantly made him feel confused and uncertain and then once he was finally willing to fully trust them, he found out that he was being lied to after all. and then the emperor kept withholding information from him, and trying to convince him that he should become an illithid. so no, he is not allying with the emperor!! although orpheus's attitude is not exactly winning me over lmao, for one thing we did not STEAL the githyanki egg!!

WOAH the baby owlbear grew up?! big armored owlbear?! was not expecting that! also, huh, zevlor is here too... i don't think the gather your allies quest ever mentions him in the quest journal so i didn't realize he'd show back up. maybe it's just me, but i kind of wish there was more resolution to his story. i looked up whether he ever reappears after you rescue him in act 2 and found that he doesn't, and he doesn't even have a voiced line of dialogue at high hall, which really sticks out and seems weird because everyone else does except for him and volo?? the gondians also aren't here even though the quest journal does mention them... i think i got pretty much every not-evil ally, though! except for mol, i guess.

i callled pretty much every ally during the big battles in the courtyard because i wanted to see what they could do! and then i only called a few during the actual final battle because i was afraid that certain characters like zevlor or the owlbear might permadie. but it's so cool being able to call on everyone who you've helped throughout the game, as it really helps these last battles feel more epic and exciting. though it also makes me wonder what the rest of my party who isn't here in high hall is doing... like, okay, so jaheira and halsin were not in my party and they still showed up to give their aid. but what about minsc and boo? what about shadowheart, astarion, and karlach?? are they all just chilling out at camp while the rest of us fight?? it just feels odd that they don't show up here at all.

i accidentally got party wiped while trying to reach the netherbrain because i couldn't figure out where i was actually supposed to be going and messed up... please, if i ever have to be part of a band of heroes rising up to stop a world-ending threat, do not make me the leader. my nonexistent sense of direction will literally doom us all. the second attempt was really easy once i figured out what i was doing LMAO but i did also have to restart the final battle because... i had no idea how the thing with the netherbrain destroying the platforms worked and my party all died at once the first time. it's my first playthrough and i knew nothing about this whole part of the game, so of course there was going to be some trial and error. i had a lot of fun with all of that, though!!

and now we get to the ending cutscenes... which i will be posting about separately later. for now i'll just say i love this game and i can't believe i've hit the end of it. i started playing in march what the fuck.

[puff-mmd]

Abanadons yakumos nightmare, here is kaisei having a nightmare in that period after he and ciro have been drifting for a while and before their huge argument.

Ciro's been very caught up with work, and his attitude towards kaisei has been kinda flatlining. in ciro's mind the last thing he's worrying about is their relationship, he thinks things are stable and that they're fine. He doesn't notice how in the evenings kaisei tries to cuddle and spend time with him and he's just kinda...laying there, exhausted. Or how he doesn't bother responding to Kaisei's goodbyes in the morning, mostly because he's annoyed at having been woken up from only a few hours of sleep. Kaisei encourages him to talk about things if he's upset, but ciro doesn't want to talk about work when it's all that's been on his mind the entire day. So, he just says its work stuff and not to worry about it.

But this is kaisei we're talking about. He is Going To Worry.

Oh my god.

Wait.

Kaisei did you steal ciro's sketchbook so he would spend more time with you...?

And then after you hid it, you didn't realize it would get damaged where it was hidden, so when ciro is frantically trying to find it, you say you don't know where it's at, and that's why you tossed it in the trash?

KAISEI YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT???

but i guess you can for the sake of plot, damn.

Now when ciro yells at you that he never wants to see your lying face again, that is fucking hurtful.

It was being led up to by all this suspicion because now ciro wasn't being the open one about things. He didn't think you would need that reassurance, that things were fine and you understood, but kaisei, you didn't. You let your stupid brain overthink again and make up this false reality where ciro was falling out of love with you.

Because it was only a matter of time.

Because everything always ends, no matter how much you love them.

Sooner or later everyone will have had enough of your love, and they'll want to move on to someone new.

And that's why you had this awful nightmare, and even worse when you woke up to an empty bed because ciro was staying late at the office again, leaving you this painful dream to simmer in your mind for so long all by yourself.

--

The bored blonde twirled his bangs around his fingers, leaning against the counter of the bar behind him. His boyfriend's arm was draped around his shoulder, but he barely paid any attention to it.

"Ciro? Do you wanna dance?"

He sighed, clearly annoyed with arms crossed across his chest.

"You think I have the energy to dance right now? I didn't even want to go out tonight."

He reached over and took another sip of his rum and Coke as a grimace tugged his delicate features down.

"At least the alcohol is decent," he grumbled.

Kaisei's grip on the man's shoulder tightened, causing him to wince. It was Ciro's idea to go out tonight, why was he complaining now that they were here?

They gazed out at the loud crowd full of individuals, couples and groups all having fun. Despite the upbeat music and cheerful atmosphere, the air between them felt deafening and icy. Kaisei looked at his boyfriend from the corner of his eye and felt chills up his spine from that pissed off look that wasn't even directed towards him.

Taking a deep breath, Kaisei opened his mouth to suggest that just go home if he really didn't want to be there, when out of nowhere something seemed to catch Ciro's attention. His eyes lit up and he called out,

"Yakumo!"

He waved a hand to beckon the tattooed man over to them, causing the chill in Kaisei's spine to spread throughout his entire body. He couldn't understand, why of all people in the world would Ciro be excited to see him?

As he walked up, Yakumo eyed the two men - his dark gaze hardening as he looked at Kaisei.

'The feeling's mutual, buddy,' he thought, 'Why are you even here anyway?'

Breaking from Kaisei's grip, Ciro offered to buy a drink for Yakumo, throwing yet another shock towards the blonde's boyfriend.

'And since when did you two get so close? He hates you, so what's going on?'

Kaisei's discarded arm laid against the counter, ending in a balled fist that he knew was stabbing into his palm. He didn't notice the pain, he was too tensed from what stood before him. Ciro and Yakumo, talking and laughing as if they were best friends.

Acting as if Kaisei wasn't standing less than a foot away from them.

He heard their conversation, but between the music of the bar and his own blood rushing through his ears out of growing frustration, he didn't seem to understand a single word they exchanged. He didn't miss the smile on Ciro's face, the giggles at what he was sure was some stupid joke, the way his hand seemed to be creeping closer to Yakumo's exposed arm.

"Hey Kaisei," hearing his name snapped him back to the scene he was scrutinizing.

"We should go back to my place tonight. Ciro's up for it, what about you?"

Those hard, black eyes bore into his own, and the more Kaisei took them in, the more he felt a scratchy feeling on the back of his neck, a weight settling in his stomach, a burning itch on his arms that caused him to rub his elbows.

Something was wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on one thing exactly.

Despite knowing better, he replied.

"Sure."

--

'I didn't think his apartment was so close to this bar,' Kaisei thought as he followed alongside his boyfriend and, well...

Was Yakumo an ex? They never dated, but the gods knew they didn't share a simple friendship either.

In any event, Kaisei moved forward feeling as if his legs were trudging through thick mud, yet his head felt light and dazed, almost like a balloon with too much helium.

He squeezed Ciro's hand for some kind of reassurance, something to ground him in this strange situation he had found himself in, but was met with claws digging into his skin. He hissed under his breath and let go,eyes looking to Ciro for a reason why he was acting so cold and off tonight. The side-eyed glare he saw flitted across Ciro's face for only a moment before he turned away again, but it was long enough to cause Kaisei to stop in his tracks. He grabbed Ciro's wrist this time, pulling him back.

"Something isn't right, Ciro. We should just go home. Please?"

His boyfriend faced him fully now, that same glare he saw for a moment set hard on his face. The sickly yellow light from the streetlamp felt too bright, too hot on Kaisei's skin, as if the lamp itself was leaning closely towards the three men to illuminate in their tension.

"You can go home if you want, but I'm going with Yakumo."

"Why? I'm sorry, but last time I checked, you hated him. Why are you guys suddenly so damn friendly with each other?" He felt horrible cursing at Ciro like this, but he stood his ground for an answer despite the overwhelming awareness of his body, the rest of the night drowning out of his peripheral vision.

"He doesn't need to answer to you, Kaisei. What we do is none of your business," Yakumo said with a sharp tone intended to get Kaisei to shut up.

"You can either get over yourself and come with, or go home and sulk like a baby, dude."

Kaisei remained silent, a burning lump forming in his chest and crawling its way up his throat. His eyes pleaded with Ciro to just come with him and get away from Yakumo, but the blonde stood square next to the spidery man.

Breathing in deep, Kaisei stepped forward, grabbed Ciro's arm, and held on despite the protests that he was gripping too tightly.

"Fine, I'll go. I'm not leaving him alone with someone like you."

--

Kaisei stared in horror at the scene before him.

They had gone back to Yakumo's apartment, quickly finding their way into his bedroom - a place he was all too familiar with, and one he hoped he would never see again. As they tumbled onto the bed, Kaisei pulled his shirt over his head, feeling the weight of the other two men sink into the bed with him. When he had pulled the fabric off and looked up, his entire body froze over.

They were kissing, and not only that, but Yakumo had already slipped a hand between Ciro's thighs with the other pulling on his waist to hold him close, while Ciro's arms looped around Yakumo's neck to pull himself deeper into the kiss.

He was frozen only a few seconds before the burning in his chest spread throughout his body, igniting him with a rage he hadn't felt in a very long time. He didn't care that there was likely blood from his palms staining the shirt he now discarded to the floor. He grabbed Ciro's shoulders and yanked him into his chest, nearly pulling them both off the bed.

"What the fuck is going on?" He growled into Ciro's shoulder, "And I expect an answer this time."

Ciro squirmed and shoved his hand into Kaisei's chest to push himself away.

"What do you think, Kaisei? Fuck, you always jump to conclusions, but you can't put two and two together here?" He moved closer to Yakumo across the bed and slipped an arm around him.

"You should have gone home earlier if you were going to be such a control freak now," Yakumo commented coldly.

Kaisei fought the urge to scream, and the mutter that resulted still wavered with seething anger.

"I knew it. I thought it was strange how you were always coming home late and so tired, you kept saying it was just work and that I needed to stop worrying about it."

He ignored the tears that were blurring his vision, almost grateful that he couldn't see the frigid look in his boyfriend's icy eyes, and continued.

"Of all the people you could have gone and fucked around with, you picked him. Did you get so bored of me that you thought it would be fun to hurt me like this right at the end?"

The silence surrounding the three of them spoke volumes.

"Just go away."

Those three words echoed in Kaisei's mind, that same voice that had whispered so many "I love you's", had comforted him through so many difficult thoughts, that could put him at ease just by hearing it, now set his heart on fire. He felt all of the anger, anxiety and fear that had been mingling in his mind and body the entire evening boil over, but instead of sending him into a burning rage, he simply felt numb.

He reached out, one last time to grab Ciro's forearm, and dragged him out of the bed with him.

"You want me to go away so bad?"

Slamming the balcony doors open, Kaisei stepped out into the night air. He didn't think it was odd that the railing had entirely disappeared, or that the lights of the city below were far too bright for the evening.

He turned and grabbed both of Ciro's hands, guiding them to his shoulders.

"Then you make it happen."

Ciro stood still, and as Kaisei looked into those green eyes, he found it difficult to find any trace of emotion in those glassy gems. It felt as if a year had passed before Ciro spoke, cold and quiet,

"I didn't know you were so fucking pathetic."

The balcony underneath Kaisei's feet fell away.

--

Bolting upright and drenched in sweat, Kaisei felt as if his stomach had jumped into his throat. Tear marks had stained his cheeks, and he pulled his legs up to his chest to calm himself.

"A nightmare, what a horrible nightmare," he whispered to himself. He took slow breaths and glanced to his side, hoping to find Ciro right where he belonged - sleeping peacefully next to him.

The bed was empty and the blankets were still made up neatly from the morning. Kaisei slid back down under the covers and put his arm out into the other side of the bed.

It was cold.

He looked up at the clock on Ciro's nightstand - 1:30 am.

'At least I'm not dreaming anymore,' he thought to himself, 'but he's still not home yet.'

Kaisei curled himself up and buried his face into the pillow.

'Come home soon...'

His mind drifted off and eventually back into a fitful slumber.

[the-very-awesome-prussia]

The Date (Part 2)

After a nice chat with Germany, Prussia walked up the stairs to Austria almost ready to leave.

“Oh? You're coming?” he asked sincerely.

“Of course!” Prussia responded, “free food, duh!”

Austria rolled his eyes, “are you seriously only coming for the free food?”

Prussia only chuckled as he followed Austria to his car.

"Ugh, you're so annoying, you know that?" Austria got into the car, Prussia followed behind.

They put on their seat belts (important) and had an eerily quiet ride to the restaurant. 

"Are you seriously only coming for the food? You don't enjoy my company at all?" He asked again.

"Mmm, ask me when I've had a few beers and then I'll answer your question," that smug bastard.

"They don't sell beer here."

"I know, I just don't know what the plural of "wine" is lol. Wines?"

"Anyways, let's get inside, our reservation is literally right now," he walked inside, Prussia following behind.

They eventually got inside, as they parked a while away from the place at hand. Prussia was complaining about how sunny it was.

"It wasn't even sunny out, what are you talking about."

"It's bright! My eyes hurt!"

Austria rolled his eyes and eventually he got the staff to guide them to their table.

The waiter asked for their drunk orders and obviously Prussia wanted alcohol as he said before. Austria just ordered juice as he knew he had to be the designated driver whether or not Prussia was drunk.

As soon as the waiter left they awkwardly stared at each other until one of them eventually talked.

"Prussia, why are we having a staring contest."

"Ha! I won. Anyways, that was fun. We should do it again sometime."

Austria blinked confusingly, "what."

"Wait, was that a joke? That wasn't a very funny joke."

"We weren't literally having a contest, you were just staring at me for a very long time," he explained.

"Oh. Anyways, have you seen any of my awesome videos recently? I haven't made one in a while- doesn't matter, still awesome."

"Uhm, no actually. You haven't told me your channel…"

"Oh, I forgot… again. I'll have to send you the link, they're very awesome and cool."

Austria chuckled, "yeah, definitely. Also how has your day been so far? I- wait never mind."

Prussia covered the grin he had on his face, "you idiot, you literally saw everything."

"I… I don't know, I was just trying to make conversation."

"You fucking idiot," he said playfully, "god that's why I-" he coughed into his fist, "weird tangent I was going on…"

"Hm? What did you mean by-"

"Nothing, nothing."

"God I'm so stupid, why did I almost say that out loud!?"

"Alright… also how's that wine? I assume it's nice or something since you've dranken almost all of it."

Prussia nodded with a somewhat fake smile on his face, "not the best I've had but, it gets the job done I guess."

The waiter then came and asked what they wanted to order, Prussia had an interesting choice.

"Why the hell did you order pizza!?"

Prussia shrugged, "I wanna taste their pizza, duh."

"Out of all the fancy options," he pointed to the menu, "you got the pizza."

He nodded, "yup."

Austria shook his head and made his order, the waiter then left.

"I still can't believe you ordered pizza of all things," he crossed his arms.

"And I can't believe you ordered seafood, gross."

He glanced at Prussia, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means what I said, seafood is gross."

"And what does this have to do with you? I'm not going to force you to eat it."

"But you are going to force me to smell it, and that shit smells disgusting."

"I don't know why I invited you, honestly Romano would've been a better choice and he wouldn't have eaten anything."

"They have pizza here, he would've eaten."

Austria shook his head, "I'd rather be attacked by him than awkwardly talk with you."

"Fine then! Your talking privileges have been taken from you," he crossed his arms and looked away.

"What do you mea-"

"No more talking!"

Austria rolled his eyes and went on his phone instead.

After a while Prussia did indeed give up on the no more talking thing, "fine! I give up! I can't take it!!" He put his face on the table in desperation.

Austria glanced at him before going back on his phone, "mhm, sure you are."

"Wait what."

Austria put his phone away, "what?"

"That didn't make any sense, sure I am what? Giving up?"

Austria just shook his head and luckily the waiter came to stop these idiots from dying of cringe. And then the waiter left as fast as they got there.

"I see you asked for a refill…" Austria muttered.

"Excuse me for trying to get through this bullshit. You're so annoying, you know that?"

"Hm? Please do explain."

"Well first off," he stood up for some type of effect, "you always berate me no matter what I'm talking about! You always disagree with me! Do you do it on purpose or something!?"

Austria raised a brow, crossing his arms, "says you, fire starter."

"You!" He sat back down but accidentally slamming his fists, making the silverware clank.

"I am literally just saying what you know is true. You're a narcissistic idiot that doesn't know what the hell you're doing."

Prussia awkwardly looked at the wall before storming off to the bathroom.

Austria shook his head as he started eating his food.