#i was researching the novel to make sure i didn't say anything wrong about the intended plot of the lyrics

[lemon-dokuro]

Music talk again. I haven't had much time to draw, but a lot of time to listen to all sorts of music. This time, it's a horror song lyrically, and the video is a little creepy.

Tsugihagi Sandoku! Might be my favourite work by Machigerita, especially in terms of lyrics. Even the music video, though pretty simple, is very aesthetically fitting. Though I love all of his darker, more visual-kei inspired songs. He's surprisingly versatile as a composer, but this kind of style is his strongest suit. Or was, rather. He hasn't made such songs, or any original songs, or any songs at all, or even posted anything online in ages now. I hope he's doing alright! His stuff is very nostalgic for me, because I, like a lot of anime-loving kids, used to scare myself with creepy vocaloid songs, and he's made, like, a lot of those, to the point that it's surprising. I had a lot of "Wait, he did that too?" moments going through his discograpy. But apart from that, he just seems like a nice man. So I really hope he's alright.

Lyrics discussion below — if anyone even cares. I know that nobody reads my music posts (lol), but still, a customary content warning for murder, death, cannibalism and child abuse mentions. Though they're presented in a horror story way, not in a real life tragedy way.

Firstly, if you don't know japanese (and even care), you can use the translation by pricechecktranslations on their tumblr. It's a good one.

Anyway. This is somewhat common for Machige, but the lyrics are rather vague and don't have a clear story. And that's a good thing, it's a very good move for horror specifically. Another work of his, "Okaasan", is rather scary because it doesn't tell you much and just gives you an image of something bizzare, threatening and fast-approaching. Though Tsugihagi Sandoku is a bit different, since there's no immediate threat presented to the listener, just a sad and slightly bizzare image, so it's more disturbing than outright scary. Really, the only actually outwardly horror-ey thing is the girl's last mentioned meal. However, I kind of dislike the intended (or at least commonly accepted, but from what I know about the official novel, it really is intended) story behind the lyrics. You know... How it's about a girl who's neglected by her mother, whose only friend is her doll. How she's so lonely that she begins to hallucinate the doll telling her to kill her mother, and how she does that. And eats her also. It's just... Very silly and whimsical, if you ask me. The whole "voices telling a loner to kill whoever wronged them" thing is so stereotypical for the horror genre. At least the presentation's stylish, elegant and rather vague. It's better this way. "Nothing is scarier" and all. It might've been a fantasy and all. I like that kind of phantasmagorical lonely horror feeling. It's like the girl is slowly going insane because she feels so alone and unloved.

[clavissionary-position]

—gilbert spoilers, be aware—

Emma: Gil, I've noticed there's very little seafood in Obsidian.

Gilbert: (sets his research away) That's correct. What little we have comes from our lakes, and it's still too much of a hassle for us to consider importing. (He pats his lap)

Emma: (sets the giant tray of cookies down on his desk before plopping onto his lap) So people here have never had calamari?

Gilbert: (wraps his arms around her waist) Mmm, I'm sure people in certain circles have. I think they served it once during a ball in my youth. (He opens his mouth as Emma begins feeding him)

Emma: (pauses) Ah. I'm guessing those particular circles are... no longer around?

Gilbert: (smiles meaningfully) You catch on quick. (He pecks the cookie out of her hand and speaks while chewing.) Our aquaculture industry is far better than it was five or six years ago. Actually, I've thought about engineering our own species of squid.

Emma: Uh... what? Engineering? (She uses her fingertip to dab away some crumbs on his lip)

Gilbert: (watches her delightedly knowing that she's expecting him to bite any moment now) Hehe, indeed. I'm sure you've noticed while cooking here that not everything we grow is native to Obsidian.

Emma: (still on guard as she withdraws her finger without incident) Well, breeding and cultivating is one thing, but you said engineering. Like making something from scratch. Making meat, erm, I guess seafood. In a lab. Gil, I've never heard of anyone doing something like that outside of horror novels.

Gilbert: Little Rabbit. (He places a cool hand on her head and gives it a single pat) What's more horrible to you? Creating food or being without it?

Emma: (stares at him because he's clearly oversimplifying things)

Gilbert: (stares back with a pleasant smile, sunny as can be)

Emma: ...

Gilbert: ...

Emma: ......

Gilbert: ......

Emma: (epiphany)

Gilbert: (widens his smile, showing teeth)

Emma: So all the beef, the pork... The meat I've been baking into your cookies... (stares at the cookie in her hand as Gilbert's shadow covers her entire arm)

Gilbert: Hehe, not all of it, of course. But a country like Obsidian could hardly have come back from a famine as quickly as we did without some help.

Emma: (looks at Gilbert with a mixture of fear and awe; tries to only feel the awe)

Gilbert: (bittersweet pout) There's a certain principle that says that anything that can go wrong will go wrong at some point. You could call it the burden of the scientist. Knowing the worst-case scenario is only one mishap away, but also knowing that you can save ten-thousand people today. Oh—but as the evil villain, I've always pushed boundaries to satisfy my own curiosity.

Emma: (remembers what Roderich once said to her)

Gilbert: Ahaha, whaaat?

Emma: (looks him in the eye sincerely) I hate lies, you know.

Gilbert: ...!

Emma: (heaves a long sigh and then suddenly pushes a cookie into Gilbert's mouth) Despite what you say, I don't think you've ever really stopped to appreciate everything you're capable of, and everything, all the good that you've done.

Gilbert: (tries to speak but Emma silences him by partially covering his mouth with hers for a split second)

Emma: (pulls away with half the cookie in her mouth and a sad smile) The meat here in Obsidian is the best I've ever had. What hurts me is that I might have gone on without ever knowing just how thoroughly you've tread over every facet of my day-to-day life. Not just my life, but everyone's.

Emma: (chews cutely as she rests her head on his shoulder) What's horrible to me is not knowing how radiant you are.

a/n: i know jack shit about growing meat in a lab and i was too lazy to google soooo. also i remembered that the meat cookies emma starts making for gil are made using the meat from obsidian military rations, at least initially, ahaha ^^; emma didn't particularly care for the taste of the rations on the occasion(s) when she tried them, sooooo. but let's pretend she made her own jerky from Obsidian Beef to put into the cookies in this fic lol

[teaberrii]

Chapter 7: The Locket

You've been Cupid for as long as you can remember. You've brought countless soulmates together, yet you've never found love.

When you're assigned to bring two childhood friends back together, it should be simple until you unexpectedly catch feelings for the mysterious and cold Ph.D. student, Dan Heng, the man with a soulmate… the man with answers to your past.

Dan Heng/You

Notes:

Cross-posted on Ao3

Female reader

Chapter index at the end of chapter one

After finishing telling Pom the nightmare you experienced, you chug the rest of your water. 

“Geezus, Cupid,” Pom continues. “I…”

"Never thought a haunted medieval castle would turn out to be a haunted erotica," you mutter, half-jokingly. "I'm done playing games, Pom."

You refuse to believe that what you saw had nothing to do with you. If it didn't, why were you the only one experiencing this? But after that traumatic event, you're done being clueless. You're done being messed with.

“I'm getting pieces that make no sense to each other, It’s time to start connecting them together.”

Pom has an uncharacteristically serious look on his face. "I'm with you. But how are we going to do that?"

You wish you have an answer. There must be a way, and you'll find it no matter what it takes.

“...I think we’ll need a little help.”

"Help? From who?" When Pom sees the look in your eyes, it's as if he reads your mind. He quietly gasps. "Don't tell me you're thinking about Dan Heng."

“I saw him again,” you say quietly. “I saw Young on the train where Dan Heng was standing.”

“But, will he really be able to help?”

"I don't know," you answer honestly. "But if I tell Dan Heng who I am… maybe that will trigger something."

“...Hey.” The rest of your friends approach you, and you and Pom get up from the bench. “Are you feeling better now?” Gepard asks.

“Much better.”

“What happened in there?” Stelle asks. She glances at Dan Heng. “He said he found you in the restricted area, and you got locked in.”

“...That’s right,” you say, looking at Dan Heng, who returns your look with a subtle gaze. It doesn't seem like he said anything more. “One of the zombies just really got to me, and I panicked.”

Gepard walks up to you with an apologetic look. “I’m really sorry for leaving you like that. I… didn’t know this would happen.”

You smile at him. “It’s fine.”

March stretches and groans. "Well, before we go, should we see what the parade is all about?"

“Good idea,” Stelle says.

You and Pom look at each other as if reading each other’s minds.

“C’mon then!” Pom says happily. “We don’t want to miss it!”

Pom starts ushering everyone away, but you grab Dan Heng's arm.

"Can we talk?" you ask quietly as he turns to face you.

He lets you pull him aside. “Is something wrong?”

“...It’s about what happened earlier.”

Are you going to tell him what's going on? He hopes so. After seeing how shaken up you are, he has a million questions but isn't sure whether it's appropriate to ask.

Where should you start? With Young? With who you are? Finally, you say, "When I was alone back there, I experienced something similar to my nightmares."

“...Nightmares?”

“Before coming here, I sometimes had nightmares of a burning terrain… a castle… It was like a war field. I had a hunch why I was having them, but after experiencing what I just did… I’m pretty sure they have something to do with my past. It’s also why I’m here.”

Dan Heng cannot think of any other explanation, but his theory sounds ridiculous. He isn't living in some crazy fantasy novel where mythological beings exist… right? But it did cross his mind. With you mysteriously knowing about his research and saying you saw his desires, there's only one absurd but logical reason.

“...You aren’t human.”

A slight pause.

“...You don’t sound surprised.”

“Who are you... really."

“Pom calls me Cupid. Take a guess.”

“The God of Love?”

“I’ve been bringing couples together for as long as I can remember because I was promised that I would figure out about my past. But it's starting to look like it's the people here who have something to do with it. Including you."

“...And Young. That’s why you asked about him, right?”

“You catch on fast.”

He looks away. “I’m piecing things together as I go.”

“I knew someone named Young, and I’ve been getting dreams and visions about him when I talk to you. Maybe it's because you look exactly alike.” You sigh. “But I’ve been told he’s no longer around.”

“...What you saw back there, did it have something to do with him?” Dan Heng asks.

“No,” you say quietly. “My dreams about Young are always… pleasant. But back there, that was…” You take a small breath. "I saw something like a massacre. And… a man and a woman… being intimate.”

This takes Dan Heng off guard as he’s left speechless.

“I have no idea who they are,” you add. “But the man said I went too far and”—your voice drops—”I started a war.”

“...A war?”

You shift uncomfortably. “Well, the woman hinted that I was intimate with that man before. It sounds like a bad revenge story."

You’re expecting a grimace, a sign of disgust, or a judgemental look from Dan Heng, but that never comes. Instead, he calmly asks, “...But, can you really take their word for it? It sounds like you’re getting bits and pieces everywhere. It'd be more important to get the bigger picture.”

"That's what I was telling Pom. I need to start making links… connections… or something that I can go on. That's why I decided to tell you about who I am. If you're Young... or somehow related to him, maybe it'll jog your memories."

“You said Young and I look like each other.” Then, hesitantly, “...What about the man and the woman? Did they look familiar?”

You shake your head. “I’ve never seen them before.”

“But maybe I have.”

You're starting to see where Dan Heng is going with this. If Dan Heng is Young's doppelganger or reincarnation, then there's a strong possibility that more of them exist. But what then?

“...I never knew about Young until you told me about him,” Dan Heng continues. “Even after you told me who you are, nothing comes to mind. But there must be a reason why he looks like me and…”

Is he… blushing, or is it just too hot?

“...And?”

“...And why I like you so much.”

The loud screams from the parade drown out his words. You turn and see a large magician-themed parade floatie slowly move along the street. Then, you turn back.

“Did you say something?” you ask. “I didn’t catch that.”

Dan Heng quietly sighs and looks away. “It’s nothing.” Then, with a small, gentle smile, “...I'd like to help if I can.”

"An extra hand never hurts," you say, returning his smile.

You’re walking next to Dan Heng toward the parade when he glances at you. “...You said you bring couples together. Does this mean you make them fall in love?”

“I don’t shoot arrows with weird spells on them if that’s what you mean. It’s supposed to be a natural process. I just… give them a little push.”

“Has it ever backfired?”

“Sometimes it takes a little more effort. But, in the end, they always end up together.”

“...You said before you were here for a job that involves me. By ‘job’ is that what you meant?”

“Yeah. You have a soulmate,” you say quietly.

“But I don’t believe in that.”

“It doesn’t matter whether you believe in them. It doesn’t change the fact that you have one.”

"...You said you've been doing this for a long time, but it's only now you're finding out about your past." He suddenly steps in front of you, making you stop. "I'd like to think this soulmate nonsense also ends here."

So, is he going to stop you from doing your job? That’d be interesting.

"I guess we'll see, won't we?" you say. "But I am a little curious… you seem strongly opposed to it. But you don't know who it is. You might change your mind."

“...I carve a path for myself, including who I choose to love. I don't want anyone else deciding that for me.”

Then, you hear March call your names and Dan Heng walks off without looking back. 

Despite the lively atmosphere, you can't help but occasionally glance at Dan Heng, who has his eyes on the parade almost the entire time. He would meet your eyes a couple of times, but you would look away. The distance between you two is occupied by Pom and Stelle.

“...Are you interested in Dan Heng?”

You turn to Stelle, surprised by the unexpected question. “Why do you ask?”

Stelle looks at you with a small smile. “He was really worried about you when you didn’t show up.”

You don’t look at her when you say, “...We’re friends.”

"Then… does that mean I can go for him?" You immediately look at her as the question takes you off guard. Then, she chuckles. "I'm kidding."

You remember that Dan Heng and Stelle drifted apart when she started her singing career. What brought them back together?

“I heard you were a singer before,” you say.

“Are you going to ask why I quit?" You don't say anything, so she says, "Let's just say that it takes more than just talent to 'make it' in the industry. Now that I'm an actress, there's more freedom in different aspects of my life... including whether or not I want to see somebody."

"It sounds like you have someone in mind."

She doesn't elaborate but gives you a small, ambiguous smile instead.

◆◆◆

The parade hasn't ended when you and your friends leave the bustling area. It's late afternoon, and Gepard suggests an early dinner as it'll start getting crowded.

You and Pom and walking behind everyone else when he asks, “How did things go with Dan Heng?”

“He said he’s happy to help me if I need it.”

Pom gasps and nudges you. “He’s a keeper.” You give him a deadpan look, and he quickly says, “Okay. No more jokes.”

“But he’s also curious about Young.”

“You also told him about Young? Well, it’d be strange if he wasn’t.”

“Anyway, even after I told him about Young and who I am, he doesn't remember anything. But, he brought up a good point,” you say, looking at Dan Heng, who’s talking with Gepard. “He might not be the only doppelganger here." 

"He may be right. But does this mean you're going to start hunting for people who may or may not exist? What if it turns out to be pointless?"

“Yeah, I get what you mean." You sigh. "I feel like we're missing something..."

“...Whatcha talkin’ about, Cupid?”

You immediately spin around at the low, masculine voice just as Pom gasps.

“N-Nanook!”

Wearing a black tank top and pants, Nanook is clearly enjoying the attention he's getting from some of the people passing by.

“What are you doing here?” you finally ask, flabbergasted.

“Hey!” You turn around and see your friends walk over. March looks at Nanook and back to you. “Is he a friend of yours?”

Nanook puts his hands on your shoulders and smiles widely. “We go a long way back. Right, Cupid?”

You shrug off his grip and frown. “...He’s just someone I know.”

“Ouch. Not even a friend? You hit right where it hurts.”

“He’s the guy I told you about,” Pom says to Dan Heng and Gepard. “The one who won’t leave her alone.”

Nanook narrows his eyes. “...Is this who I think it is?” He walks up to Pom and looks him up and down. “Huh… never thought you’d make a decent-looking human, rabbit.”

“Hey!”

“Rabbit?” March asks.

Nanook looks at your friends and back at you. “Aren’t you supposed to be working? What are you doing hanging out with these—”

“They’re my friends,” you deadpan.

“What do you mean she’s supposed to be working?” Stelle asks.

"It's nothing," you say, turning to her, but you eventually look at Dan Heng instead.

Then, he walks up to you. “...If this person isn’t important, let’s go.”

Nanook scoffs. “Not important?” He walks up to him, but you step in front of Dan Heng. “...You think I’ll hurt him?”

“Just leave him alone.”

Nanook rolls his eyes but suddenly yells when someone pulls on his earlobe.

“We aren’t here to cause trouble, Nanook. Behave yourself.”

You look past the God to see a woman with glossy skin and long, silky black hair pulled into a high ponytail, leaving a few strands to frame her face that looks like she hasn't had a clogged pore in years. Wearing a pair of high-waisted shorts and cropped tee, her curvy figure is just as flawless as her skin. You've never seen this woman before, yet your gut tells you exactly who it is.

“Idrila!” Pom says. “You’re here, too?”

She smiles, showing her perfectly straight and white teeth. “That’s right.”

“...Who's this?” Gepard asks.

“A friend,” you say.

You're a little amused that Gepard can't seem to take his eyes off her. But that's when you remember Dan Heng. You look slightly behind you and see that his stoic expression hasn't changed.

Idrila loops her arm around you. "Do you mind if we borrow her?" She looks at Pom. "And Pom, too, of course."

“Oh, um, yeah, go ahead.”

It sounds like she even has March at a loss for words.

Idrila grabs Nanook’s arm. “C’mon, stop giving the kid the stink eye.”

“I’m not!”

Idrila pulls you and Nanook aside while Pom follows. A short distance away, she lets you go and takes out a small, round locket with a thin gold chain. A sun is in the center while being embraced by a crescent moon. 

“Himeko forgot to give this to you,” Idrila says, handing you the locket. “So, she sent us.”

“She needed both of you just to give her a locket?” Pom asks, skeptical.

“Look, it was the perfect opportunity for a little vacation,” Nanook says. “Besides”—he looks around with a curious look—“it was getting boring up there. I'm always up for a daring adventure.”

“...I think I saw this locket before.”

“You did?” Pom asks you, Then, he looks at it curiously. “Where?”

“Around Young’s neck on the train." Then, you try opening it, but no matter how hard you try, it won't open.

"Good luck on getting that open," Nanook says. "We've already tried."

You frown. “Someone was a little too curious.”

“Himeko told us beforehand,” Idrila clarifies. “We thought we'd try it out.”

“By the way… who's Young?” Nanook asks. He looks over his shoulder and sees your friends chatting. “Is it that dark-haired kid? He thinks he’s being subtle, but I know he’s been looking this way. Well, let’s be more specific.” Nanook looks at you. “He’s looking at you. Don’t tell me you’re having a lil fun on the side, Cupid.”

“I wish,” you mutter.

“Oh, you haven’t seen Lan by any chance, have you?” Idrila asks. “He’s still not back.”

“I’d like to think that he’s finally letting himself loose and having some fun,” Nanook says. “This is his territory, after all.”

“...Did Lan grew up here?” you ask.

“That’s right, sweetheart.”

You almost cringe at the new nickname, but an idea suddenly hits you. Dan Heng enlightened you with the possibility that other doppelgangers or reincarnations exist. If Lan has been around Xianzhou for a while, he may know about them. Could there be some secret to doppelgangers that he knows about?

“Hey!” March calls. “Are y’all ready to go or what?”

Your friends walk over, and Stelle asks, “If you don't have any other plans, why don’t you join us for dinner?”

Nanook and Idrila glance at each other. “Us?”

“Why not?” Gepard says.

The thought of Nanook joining the group for dinner doesn't sound like a great idea, but of course, the God of Destruction thinks differently.

He smiles. “Well, I don’t see why not.” He looks at you with a playful smile. “It’d be our first dinner together.”

“And our last,” you deadpan.

“...Wait. What if Himeko finds out?” Pom asks quietly.

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” Idrila says.

"Himeko?" March asks. "Who's she?"

"Someone who likes to enforce rules on people for her entertainment," Nanook says bluntly.

"After the stunt you pulled, I think there's a reason why she enforced rules on having limited contact with humans," you mutter, thinking back to the time Nanook's desire for fun nearly ended up killing a mansion full of people.

Nanook looks at you. "What was that, sweetheart?"

"Don't call me that."

Stelle chuckles. "You two get along well."

Before you can say anything else, March says, "Less talking! More walking!"

You’re trailing a little behind your friends as you start thinking about how you can get in touch with Lan. Unlike Nanook, he isn’t someone to run his mouth about all the awesome things he’s been doing or why he’s even here. Then again… Lan doesn’t seem like the type who randomly goes for a vacation. Is there another reason why he’s here?

It takes a little while to notice that Dan Heng is walking beside you. When you look at him, he glances at you but stays silent. Perhaps he knows you're onto something.

“...Your friends,” Dan Heng says, “Are they also Gods?”

“That’s right.” 

"I guess you've known them for a long time."

"Idrila has always been great. And, well, as much as I hate Nanook, he's still someone that kept me company." When Dan Heng stays quiet, you take out the golden locket from your pocket. “Have you seen this before?”

Dan Heng could’ve just looked at it from your hand, but instead, he takes it, and when his fingers touch your palm, your heart races a little.

After looking closely, he says, "I haven't."

“Could you try opening it?” He does, but when it doesn’t open, you sigh. “...Thought so.”

“You can’t open it either?”

"No… Apparently, no one can. I think this belonged to Young."

“...How do you know?”

“I saw it around his neck on the train.” You glance at Dan Heng. “...He was standing where you were supposed to be.”

"If this belonged to him, then"—Dan Heng turns to face you, and you stop with him—"maybe it holds something special inside."

He opens the necklace and looks at you as if asking permission to put it around your neck. You don't object, so he leans closer and carefully slips it around you. Once again, you smell his cologne, but your chest feels tight. Dan Heng leans upright but stops a comfortable distance from your face. Close enough that it feels intimate but far enough that he isn't invading your personal space. His blue eyes shine as he looks at you, and your heart thunders in your chest.

Suddenly, you hear a loud cough.

You and Dan Heng turn, and Nanook and Pom look at you skeptically.

“We noticed you were falling behind,” Pom says.

“Didn’t think you’d be staring into each other’s eyes like leads of a cheesy rom-com drama,” Nanook deadpans.

You awkwardly clear your throat. “Didn’t think you would know what that is.”

“I keep up with the times.”

“Riiight,” you say skeptically. “Never penned you as a rom-com kind of guy, Nanook.”

Then, you start walking away with Pom hot on your trail.

When Dan Heng is about to follow you, Nanook swings an arm around his shoulder. “...Do you like her, kid?” Dan Heng shrugs off Nanook’s arm and continues walking, but the God of Destruction won’t let it end there. “It’s cute, y’know, a human… and a God.” Dan Heng gives him a side-eye just as Nanook says, “It’s not going to work, so you might as well give up now.”

Dan Heng stops, and with a straight face, he says, “But why does it look like I'm having better luck than you had in a long time?"

Then, he walks away, but hears the God scoff and then mutter, "Cheeky little bastard."

Chapter 8

End notes: I'll be gone on vacation for a week after this update. But I'll be bringing my laptop with me, so I'll be working on the next chapter whenever I can :>

Tag list: @suoshiii @lordbugs @seirenspinel @lxry-chxn @tanspostsblog @nqctre @theprinceofkhaos @lunavixia @akwardbiscuit

[dykekakashi]

(ask inspired by that post about no one sending asks nowadays) what are some of your favorite nonfiction books? also pls tell your puppy he is adorable for me

thank u for this, west!!! 🥺 i have so many but here's a few:

speak, memory by vladimir nabokov — does this even count as nonfiction? it is autobiography but sometimes it feels so much like fiction. anyway, absolutely one of my favourite books, beautiful prose, made seeing the butterfly collection at the nabokov museum much more meaningful!!

the house of government by yuri slezkine — a history book but like if it was a tolstoy novel. what could possibly go wrong (many things) but it's just an excellent read. the crux of the argument, that the bolsheviks were a millenarian sect, is so compelling and i think about it all the time even after graduating lol. definitely changed a lot re: how i think of religion and secularism

the furies: violence and terror in the french and russian revolution by arno j. mayer — another one of those books that makes u question how analytically sound it is, but provides a thought-provoking framework for thinking about revolution (and the less often addressed force of "counter-revolution") & political violence

ghosts of my life by mark fisher — i don't know what there is to say about this lol. i read it during spring 2021, when the pandemic wasn't quite over and i still wasn't sure what i was going to do w my life after graduation. it put a lot of things that i had been feeling re: art, media, just my general sense of the (im)possible future into words

the last utopia by samuel moyn — similar to the above actually but within the realm of political frameworks/ideologies. i don't think i've used any work more than this one in my own (academic) writing). the general gist of it is re: the way that the desire for political utopias (e.g. communism) turned into a desire for moral utopias (namely, human rights in the western/US-centric sense of them)

the elusive republic: political economy in jeffersonian america by drew mccoy — i have a strange fondness for this one because tbh it was the first book that made me interested in a) US history b) political economy overall. before this i didn't understand what republicanism was at all, tbh

ludwig wittgenstein: the duty of genius by ray monk — intensely well researched biography of an interesting man and the only way i will ever understand anything wittgenstein ever wrote. so. thank u mr monk

financial missionaries to the world: the politics and culture of dollar diplomacy by emily rosenberg — similar to the mccoy book, one of the first books that made me interested in political economy and US history. also actually addresses gender & media, which makes it doubly interesting because hmm. gender has historically not been addressed very often in studies of economic history or political economy lol. not a lot of women writing in this field to begin with unfortunately. anyway, it's about international lending as a form of imperialism, to be very very general

designing dead souls: an anatomy of disorder in gogol by susanne fusso — just such a cool book tbh. i don't know of any other authors writing about 19th c russian literature from this lens (then again i don't read a lot of complit monographs), v much focused on themes of sexuality, death, gender, aesthetics, etc. not just in this book but in her other ones, too

& pls ..... i gave him a tiny little forehead kiss on ur behalf<33

[oveliagirlhaditright]

I keep meaning to make a post about my opinion on the Buffy novel "Revenant," but then things keep happening to get in the way of my attempt.

I'm going to try and do so now.

I'm not gonna lie: this isn't one I probably would have chosen to buy on my own, just going off the description of it (I got it in a box of Buffy books that I got from Ebay for a good a deal, which is where I've gotten a lot of the ones that I've been reviewing lately). But after reading it, I'm definitely glad that I own it now. After reading "Revenant," it's pretty high on my list of Buffy tie-in novels: partly because this book did a great job of pretty much ending every chapter on a cliffhanger, so that you wanted to keep reading to know what happened next. LOL. I also feel like every chapter was a nice length. Not too long, not too short. There have been times in some of the Buffy books, where I felt like a chapter could have been split into two or something.

But I really enjoyed learning so much about the Chinese culture in this one, and that was definitely one of my favorite things about it for sure.

And in some ways, this book kind of reminded me of the Unseen Trilogy, but a better version of it? (Because I've spoken before about how parts of the Unseen Trilogy kind of bored me.) One, with the parallel of Willow trying to help a friend, who is at the center of things. And two, with gangs being involved with both books' plots. I guess maybe I like this book better than "Unseen," in some ways, because it's not drawn out. Maybe I just feel like things went on for too long in that trilogy? I don't know. -shrugs-

And as the huge Bangel fan that I am, I can't get over how Buffy and Angel spent pretty much every scene together in here<3

Willow was really wonderful here (and despite me having just ragged on the Unseen Trilogy, I do like that in both this novel and that saga, we get to see her being a really supportive friend to these side characters, in helping them out). And we get some really cute Ozillow moments, that I should probably share on here.

And I like that this story apparently takes place when Cordelia's dad is starting to get in trouble for having cheated on his taxes. And though a part of Cordy doesn't want to be around the Scoobies after her breakup with Xander, she also does not want to be at home right now and decides to do research with Giles to avoid all that drama. It was a really good missing moment to have in this book, I thought. And I felt for Cordy there.

I feel like the only thing I really didn't like about the novel was some of the stuff with Xander. 1. That it felt like he kept getting into fights non-stop (and of course winning them, or just getting out of the situation and surviving). And I could maybe handle something like that with Buffy, but with Xander? I can't suspend my disbelief as much. 2. The major thing was that he falls in love with this Chinese spirit. And, I mean... On one hand I guess I can get why that worked and was maybe needed for the plot. And this was after he and Cordy broke up, so I guess he might be on the rebound. But I just didn't like this, because it's another girl who just happens to fall in love with Xander. And I sort of felt like they were trying to make us feel bad that Xander was single, when it was really his fault that he is, since he cheated on Cordy! And I just couldn't help feeling they could have come up with a better storyline for him. IDK.

But all that being said, I thoroughly enjoyed Revenant:D

Edit: I've realized that I never really say much about Giles in these Buffy book reviews that I do. And I think that's because, for the most part... he's just Giles in them (at least in the ones that I've read thus far). And Giles is wonderful. I love him. Don't get me wrong. But so far I haven't really had anything to really say about him from these stories that you wouldn't get from the show (except maybe about a few of his love interests. But then I really have no desire to talk about them, either, because you also know they're going to be short-lived, since they're not in the show), if that makes any sense at all. Though maybe that will change. I'm kind of hoping it will!

[rare-and-beautiful-things]

Hi, not sure if it's too late for any request already from your post the other day. But I was wondering if I could request a piece about what the second in commands like to do. So what Grape, Hwangmo, and them are up to when not dealing with union business and their respective school heads.

And again if it's too late for request I completely understand.

doing both grape and robin cuz I don't pick sides lmao

Grape

instagram and tiktok. he's a bit of an influencer, and you better be sure he uses all his bad boy charm and all of his looks. he's kind if popular both among his peers and among people who just like his looks. he thinks the peak of his Instagram career was when he got Jake's subscription.

keeping track of rankings and rumours on shuttlepatch. he cares about this stuff even more than you'd think he would, and he likes having additional information.

daydreaming about beating up wolf. when eunchan wants to get grape into some sort of media or a game, he says that the the antagonist is kinda like wolf, and grapes interest is picked lol. if turns out to be true, he can even get a bit obsessed with the piece and start shitposting about it (he always cringes after that tho and ends up deleting everything, so robin and eunchan take screenshots for leverage).

Robin

beating up people. he's not as much of a maniac as wolf, but he also fights for fun a lot more than most of his peers.

playing the hardest games he can find. he doesn't believe shit until he tries it, so when he hears that winning against some boss is impossible he's the first to try and prove everyone wrong. he actually got pretty good thanks to it, and grape sometimes convinces him to stream something. robin isn't very interested in streaming unfortunately, so he doesn't often do it on his own.

reading stolen comic books. he almost never buys them, but he enjoys reading action and erotic ones, and stealing is kinda fun in itself. if he gets caught, he usually goes with intimidation, and it works most of the time. there was one time when it didn't work, and he had to do community service for a month.

Hwangmo

internet cafes. you cannot tell me he doesn't hang out there. he probably goes alone and plays some unmanly stuff like romantic visual novels or something. he goes with his friends too sometimes, but they always end up some boring rpgs with shitty fighting systems, so he really prefers to just go alone.

part time job. not a leisure thing or anything, but I really think Hwangmo works even though he gets the union commissions. he's acutely aware that he's not smart enough to go to college, and he's not sure he wants to spend his life fighting and doing illegal stuff, so he tries to get some experience while he can. just in case.

cooking. it's usually simple food - fried eggs and rice, chicken soup, ramen, but he enjoys it. a few years ago he made kimchi with his mother, and it was... cathartic. he thinks of making it again from time to time, but it takes too much effort.

Kingsley Kwan

Kingsley probably just... studies when he has time free from the union business. he needs to keep his grades up, but he also kind of enjoys it. studying is peaceful and logical and organised, and it's all the things he doesn't get in the union.

reading complex yet monotonous books. I'd say it's mostly scientific and philosophical works, but when he's reading artwork he probably still goes for the longest hardest things. he loves Ulysses (but he also loves Dubliners and the fact that one person could write both). sometimes, quite rarely, he reads light-hearted novels, and he likes them for a while but they always leave him bitter in the end.

researching stuff like time management, healthy lifestyle. it's all to easy not to drown in the union business, to stay afloat, and Kingsley also feels like he has to keep donald grounded - he doesn't always succeed but... he feels he has to. he tries. it's never quite enough but it's something.

Dean Kwon

rapping with jake and co. it started in karaoke clubs, but later they started doing in the parks and on the streets for fun. dean likes it more than he lets on though. he tries to write his own lyrics from time to time, but he doesn't really share with anyone. at least not until jake and eunchan and Timothy all come up with a good enough bait to make him rap something of his own. it's good - a bit erratic and incomplete, but good. they still make fun of him for it.

doing stick and poke tattoos. his rose is made that way. he does it for other guys too, sometimes even for free if he's in a good mood. dean also likes making the designs for the tattoos, and he constantly gets better at it. he wants to get something professionally made sometime though, but he knows it'd be more permanent so he wants it to be perfect.

going to dog parks and just watching the dogs. sometimes he pets them, and most of the owners like him. he once got a part time job as a dog sitter because of that, but he had to quit when he got in the union, because he didn't get enough time anymore.

Jack Kang

keeping the motorcycle running. playing mechanic a bit, cleaning it, changing parts. he becomes rather good before he even knows it. he likes how logical it is and how the reward of the work is clear and immediate. plus they don't need to go to the auto service centers anymore because he does everything.

hanging out with jimmy. they're obviously together at school, and they're often busy with the business, but when they're not it's nice to just go around, sing some silly karaoke, drink and talk about stuff. they almost always end up talking about the union, but sometimes they just talk about each other and the past, and jack likes it the most.

household chores. i feel like jack's one of the people who like the immediate result of cleaning the room, doing the laundry or making food. it doesn't take that much of a time either. it keeps him grounded, and it's still simple when nothing else is. for a time being he can turn off his brain and just do something, and things will be at least a little bit better when he finishes. what's not to like?

[outercrasis]

Sessions

Pairing: College!Din Djarin x F!Reader (Tutor)

Rating: Explicit 18+

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Smut, semi-public sex, fingering, oral (f!receiving)

Summary: You picked up an extra shift and have an unexpected student stop by for a session.

A/N: Thank you to @escapades-to-rivendell for beta reading, ily💕

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Takeout

You’re cursing yourself for ever thinking it would be a great idea to cover Sami's nighttime tutoring shift. Why not, right? You had the time and a little extra money never hurt things.

Wrong. So very, very wrong. Two weeks ago you had the time. Present day you decidedly does not. You have discussion board posts to make, a few chapters of a novel to read, and your semester research paper to be working on. Nevermind the fact that you had to cancel dinner plans with Mando tonight because you forgot you picked up this extra shift until you saw it on your calendar this morning. Now you're waiting for your last session of the night, praying that they're either a no-show or at least quick so that you can get home sooner and start working on something productive.

You've pulled out the book you're supposed to be reading, hoping to squeeze in a page or two before they show. You only make it through a page before someone clears their throat, alerting you their presence at the study room door. Looking up, you're surprised to see Mando standing there with a brown paper bag in his hand.

"Westley? What are you doing here? I have someone coming in for a session any minute," you tell him. You're thrilled to see him, but you really don't want the student you're waiting on to see him and have your session turn into 20 questions about Mando. It wouldn't be the first time it's happened and it's a bit more than you can take tonight.

"I know." Mando shrugs, closing the study room door and putting the bag down on the table. "I'm your session."

"What? How-?" You genuinely don't know how he could have pulled this off. The only options are that he already had this scheduled or he scared off your actual session, both of which seem absurd. He couldn't have scheduled it, having dinner plans with you until this morning, and scaring someone off was a bit much, even for him. 

Mando starts pulling takeout containers out of the bag, filling the room with a wonderful aroma that makes your stomach growl. "I have to keep some secrets, mesh'la."

You roll your eyes at him, not bothering to call him out on just how many secrets he still seems to have. "If I found out you did something-" you begin to threaten, standing up to at least try and seem more imposing.

Mando takes you by surprise again, swiftly pulling off his helmet and quieting you with a kiss. You melt into it, the plush feel of his lips against yours temporarily causing your mind to go blank.

The playful grin he's wearing when he pulls away is as infuriating as it is adorable. You know exactly what he's up to now, his emotions splashed across his face plain as day. "Mando, I'm serious," you warn, not willing to give in to him just yet.

You watch as he quickly tugs his hands free of his gloves before cradling your face in them. "It's fine, mesh'la. I promise." 

Din knows you wouldn't be pleased to know about the $50 he just paid the undergrad outside to give up his session, but he hadn't done anything wrong really. The kid didn't have to agree and he was fairly compensated in exchange. It all worked out.

You relent, unable to remain stern with his brown eyes looking at you so softly. He knows he has you too and you kick yourself for ever telling him how beautiful his eyes are. It gives him such an unfair advantage in these little standoffs.

"Now if I remember correctly, we had dinner plans," Mando says, thumb sweeping along your cheek before gesturing to the food laid out on the table.

"What did you bring me?" you ask, taking in all the options. It looks like he ordered enough for a family of four and despite the way he eats, there’s sure to be leftovers. You wonder if that was intentional, knowing how little he cares to take time to actually make the food that he’d later be inhaling. The most you’ve seen him cook is for Grogu or out of pure necessity and even then he avoids it when he can get away with it.

"It’s chinese from that place you like." Your heart warms. The place you like is very much out of the way of his drive to campus and he still took the time to go there instead of the other, still perfectly acceptable, place just off of campus grounds.

"I don't know what to eat first,” you tell him, equally eyeing the spring rolls and potstickers. 

"I do." 

Mando’s mouth swallows your yelp of surprise, arms wrapping around to hold you firmly in place. He already tastes like chinese food, telling you that he probably snuck a taste of something before he even got here and you can’t help but smile at his impatience. One hand comes up to cradle your neck, his lips trailing kisses down the other side, and it isn’t until he nips at your pulse that you remember where you are.

"We-we can't do this here,” you say breathlessly.

Mando moves impossibly closer, letting you feel him pressed against your hip. "Why not? The door is closed."

"There's no lock, anyone could come in,” you say, the only concrete reason you can come up with while his hand starts to push up underneath your skirt.

It’s like you’ve flipped a switch. Mando pulls away, picking up one of the study room chairs and walking it over to the door. He unceremoniously shoves it up under the handle, effectively blocking the door from opening.

"Westley!" you admonish, but the humor in your voice betrays the seriousness of your rebuke.

"What? Now it's locked."

You can’t help but laugh, Mando’s antics wiping away all of the stress you’d been feeling only minutes ago. He can always tell when you need a distraction and is always ready to provide one. Striding back over, you can see the mischief lighting up his eyes. “Where were we?” he asks, resuming the position he had just vacated moments before. 

Mando’s nose bumps against your neck, breath hot against your skin. His hand trails back up your skirt, fingertips burning against your thigh. He presses you against the edge of the table, silently encouraging you to sit on top of it. Intoxicated by his touch and unable to come up with  another reason why you shouldn’t do this right now, you follow his lead, allowing him to fill the space between your spread legs.

“You’re so pretty, mesh’la,” he whispers, peppering closed-mouth kisses along the column of your throat. 

“And you’re a tease, Westley,” you counter, weaving your fingers through his hair and lightly pulling. You’re not sure you’ll ever get over just how soft the brown curls are. He’s let it grow out a bit recently, giving you more to grab onto, and you’re pretty sure he’s kept the length just for you.

Rather than giving a verbal reply, he reclaims your lips, deepening the kiss until you’re moaning under him. Mando catches your bottom lip between his teeth, gently tugging before releasing it and swiping his tongue over to soothe his mild bite. His hand is heavy on top of your leg, thumb teasing the more sensitive flesh of your inner thigh.

You can feel the pool of your arousal growing, becoming more urgent with every drag of his thumb and press of his lips. Another moan escapes you, hips gently bucking towards him as an indication of what you want. A low chuckle escapes Mando, hand holding you down even more firmly. “I thought you said we couldn’t do this here.”

Your eyes pop open, forehead resting against his as you reply. His brown eyes are nearly blown black, aroused by the heavy make-out session alone. “You convinced me.”

You’re unable to hide your squeak as Mando pushes you back, catching your legs in his arms and pulling your ass to the edge of the table. You hear the scrape of a chair against the linoleum floor as he drags it over, placing himself directly in front of you. He rucks your skirt up against your hips, fingers catching in the elastic band of your panties and pulling them down to hang around your ankles. In the back of your mind, you’re thankful you one wore of your nicer pairs today.

“Look at you mesh’la, all laid out for me,” Mando says and you can feel his breath against your skin. It’s enough to make you shiver, knowing that he’s just down there looking. His lips are then pressing against your thighs, purposefully skipping over where you want him most, driving the tension in your body up to where you think you might just break.

“Westley, please,” you whine, not caring how needy you already sound. You just need him to touch you, now. You’re expecting a chuckle or a comment back, but instead you gasp as his fingers press into you, gathering your slick before sliding up to press against your clit.

“Is this what you need?” Mando drawls. Words can barely escape you, just a small chorus of yes before his head dips down, tongue joining his slow moving digits. He moans at your taste, tongue lapping at your pussy. 

It feels like he’s taking you apart with his mouth, fingers keeping you spread open for him as he licks a stripe from your entrance to your clit. The noises coming from your pussy are obscene, Mando eating you out as though he really does intend to make you his meal tonight. It’s lucky that you’re in a low-traffic area of the library or you’re sure someone would be able to hear you through the door.

Mando’s tongue swirls around your bundle of nerves before lightly catching it with his teeth, causing your hands to find purchase in his hair. They tangle in the soft locks as a loud moan echoes from your chest. He pulls away for just a moment, fingers moving to replace his mouth while he speaks. “You need to be quieter, mesh’la. Don’t you know we’re in a library?”

Your head pops up to glare down at him, ready to throw something back about this being his idea, when he chooses to press a finger into you. Anything you could have said is lost to you entirely, enveloped by the feeling of his thick finger curling inside your cunt. You know he did that on purpose but with the way it feels you can’t bring yourself to care. You can always get him back for that later.

Mando is quick to add another finger, forcing you to bite back a scream when his mouth wraps around your clit again. You aren’t going to last much longer, overwhelmed entirely by his touch. It’s then that he finds the spongy spot inside of you that makes your legs shake. You’re barely able to warn him before you’re clamping down on his fingers, whining as he continues to pleasure you through your orgasm. 

You ride through the overstimulation, finally pushing his head away from you when it gets to be too much to handle. Mando pulls back, pressing kisses into your thighs before grinning up at you looking extremely pleased with himself. It crosses your mind that this was his plan all along. Not that you’re complaining – in fact, this is the best use of your extra tutoring hours that you’ve had all night.

Mando slides your panties back up for you before grabbing hold of your arms and hauling you back to an upright position on the table. He gives you a final messy kiss, letting you taste yourself on his tongue before placing a softer kiss against your sweaty forehead. “I wanted to do that at home, but I think I made the whole takeout meal thing work,” he says.

You swat against his chest, unable to hide your smile. “If that’s what takeout gets me, Westley, I’d like to request it more often.” He laughs back with you, that single dimple peeking at you for just a moment and setting your heart on fire. 

“Come on now mesh’la, before your food gets cold.” You can think of far better ways to occupy your mouth, but your stomach interrupts before you can get too far with that thought, protesting for its need for real food. Happily, you take a proper seat next to Mando, snagging a pair of chopsticks and pressing a kiss to his cheek before digging into the potstickers.

“What was that for?” Mando asks, pulling a container of orange chicken towards himself.

You shrug, smiling contentedly back up at him. “Just appreciating you, Westley.”

He flushes a bit under your praise, hiding his bashfulness with a bite of food. How he can go from destroying your pussy to blushing at your words in a matter of minutes you aren’t sure, but you’re thankful you’re the one who gets to see it. Still wrapped up in him, you reach out and push a lock of his hair behind his ear before digging back into your own food. You meant what you said about requesting this more often – after all what kind of woman would refuse takeout and orgasms from a man this gorgeous?

.

.

.

Taglist:  @honestly-shite @booksarekindaneat @wonderless-screwup @pinkninja200 @captain-jebi @ajeff855 @leias-rebelion @annathewitch @castleamc  @shadowolf993 @justdrawings101 @spideysimpossiblegirl @librariantothejedi @dodgerandevans @janebby @5pectre  @jinxxy-bby 

[eirikaanemo]

Can You Keep A Secret?

Warnings: imprisonment, mentions of starvation and sickness

Note: I haven't actually played Dvalin's quest but I tried to keep it as close to canon as possible. Feel free to leave a comment or message me if you see something wrong.

Venti x GN!Reader

1.9k Words

Your soulmate is secretly Barbatos... now what?

Everyone has a soulmate. And everyone is born knowing your soulmate's biggest secret. For most people it’s really unhelpful, but for some people it helps them find their soulmate. You’re in the latter group, because yours gives you a name.

You've known your whole life that your soulmate is secretly Barbatos. It's… interesting, to say the least. Of course you'd never dare to tell anyone. Thankfully, asking someone what their soulmate’s secret is isn’t very common. It’s considered to be very rude, so no one asks you what your secret is. They'd think you're crazy!

Barbatos hasn't been around for centuries and you're a mortal. This is the sort of thing you would read about in trashy romance novels! But even though it’s crazy and kind of overwhelming, you know it's true. You don't know if he'd ever accept you or want to be with you, in fact, you’re pretty sure he won’t, but you want to try.

Once that’s settled, you just have to find him. If he's anywhere, it's probably the city of Mondstadt. That’s where he seems to have shown up the most in the past, after all. So you move to Mondstadt. It’s a nice place and the people are friendly. Finding a job with the Knights of Favonius was fairly easy and it paid pretty well.

Unfortunately, the 'Storm-terror' problem starts shortly after you move. He throws the whole city into chaos the first time, and then proceeds to keep doing it regularly. The fear is all encompassing, but that's fine, you try to convince yourself. It will all be worth it when you find him. ‘If you find him’, your traitorous mind whispers.

It's been months, a year even, and you're starting to lose hope. How were you expecting to find Barbatos anyway? Shout from the rooftops for him to reveal himself and whisk you away? He hasn't been around for a long time and you knew that. And to be honest, at this point you've given up.

Going home is the logical thing to do, it’s where your family is after all. But you stay because you made yourself a home here. You have friends: Jean, Lisa, and Kaeya. You have come to love the city: music, freedom, and camaraderie. Well, you love the city except for the 'Storm-terror' attacks. Those aren't very lovable.

What concerns you the most though is that 'Storm-terror' is a dragon. And dragons trend to be important (like, archon important). But no one seems to remember this one. So you research. You visit the cathedral and speak with some nuns. You dedicate some time to listening to bard’s tales, asking them if they know any songs about dragons. One does, and it's surprisingly informational. You spend time at the library, pouring through book after book. And after all this investigation, you've come to the conclusion that 'Storm-terror' is actually Dvalin of the Four Winds. Not that anyone actually believes you

It didn't stop you from telling people your theory though, and being more respectful in how you refer to him, despite all the damage he's caused. Eventually they do start considering it and the city starts catching on. If you keep doing this, you may be able to change the city's perspective of and reaction to Dvalin.

The abyss mage catches on to this, and he just can't let that happen. It could compromise the whole plan. So one day he has Dvalin abduct you and locks you up. And true to your luck, this happens out of the blue while you’re taking a walk that you’d finally convinced Jean to go on with you. Which, of course, reverses all your progress and makes the situation even worse than it was before. Incidentally, this also does the exact opposite of what you’d been trying to do by stressing out poor Jean more.

The abyss mage doesn’t care about anything other than making sure you’re not able to go back to Mondstadt. The mage does not care about human necessities. Who cares if you die? Not him. He hates humans. It's kind of part of his job description.

Your prison is where Dvalin retreats to when not attacking. And the mage has to go report to someone else sometimes, giving you opportunities to speak with Dvalin. He never responds to you, but you can tell he eventually starts listening. You start by rambling about various subjects; then talking about how you know he's Dvalin, and that you're sorry he was being treated like he was, once you know he is listening. Because while you don’t know the whole situation, you know that he feels hurt by how humans have treated him.

After several days of talking to him, he slowly starts warming up to you. It’s a strange sort of bond that grows stronger as time goes on. He starts responding and the two of you actually have conversations instead of just you talking. Eventually you even mention how you know your soulmate is actually Barbatos and that you've kind of given up finding him.

He gives a thoughtful hum, lets you vent out your feelings, tries to think of an appropriate response, then allows you to drop the subject once you’ve worn yourself out emotionally. It’s becoming obvious that your health, physical, mental, and emotional, is degrading faster as time goes on.

One day Dvalin and the mage both disappear for longer than usual. After the mage makes sure you won’t be able to escape, of course. It’s not like you would’ve been able to leave anyway. At that point you’re not able to do much at all.

Little did you know that only Dvalin would be returning. They ended up facing the traveler and their companions in battle, and Dvalin was freed from the mage’s influence. The first thing Dvalin does is take them to help "the one decent human, that he actually cares about". You're in bad shape at this point, starving, sick, and weak. But you’re aware enough to hear Jean call your name and feel someone gather you in their arms before blacking out.

When you wake up you're at the cathedral and are feeling much better. Certainly you are not fully recovered, that will take weeks. That one bard who was able to play you a song about Dvalin is always there. You vaguely remember him being there when you were found. He doesn’t really interact with you much, he’s just kind of there, but he does play peaceful music that helps you fall asleep when you’re struggling to rest.

Then the day comes for you to go home. They’ve done all they can for you and you’re past the worst of it. But you’re well enough to be out and about. “Now you take care of yourself,” Barbara lectures you. “Don’t push yourself, get plenty of rest, drink lots of water, and eat three square meals a day, got it?”

“Got it,” you confirm. “Thank you for taking care of me, I really appreciate your help.” She smiles, wishes you well, and returns to the cathedral. You take a moment to breathe and just appreciate being back home, free of your prison and the small cathedral room they’d kept you in while treating you.

Taking a deep breathe you start on your way home. “Hey!” You hear someone exclaim behind you. “Could you hold on a second?” Turning around, you see the bard quickly excusing himself from a street performance before running to catch up to you. Once he’s caught up, he gives you a smile.

“Hi! I’m Venti the bard! Would you be willing to speak with me about something? It’s kind of private so we would need to go to windrise or something, but you’ll want to hear this, I promise.” He says. “Alright,” you agree, “but I can’t make it all the way to windrise. Would my home do? I live alone so we’ll have privacy.” He nods, “that’ll work great!”

The walk home is quiet but comfortable. The bard’s content to hum a tune as he follows you through the streets. Soon you’re home, unlocking the door to let you and your guest in. You lead him over to the couch where you both sit down. “So,” you say, “what did you want to talk about?”

“Well, I was talking with Dvalin a day or so after we freed both of you and he said you mentioned you came to Mondstadt searching for your soulmate. And that you said your soulmate’s biggest secret, the one that you know, is that they’re Barbatos,” he explains. You feel a pang of betrayal at Dvalin’s actions and some guilt for sharing your soulmate���s secret in the first place.

It probably showed on your face because he quickly spoke up again. “He didn’t just tell me for no reason though. You see, I am Barbatos. I’m your soulmate.” Your head, which had been drooping with the weight of your emotions suddenly shot up as you fumbled for a response.

Apparently that showed too because he continued, “And I’m sorry I made it so hard for you to find me. I’m sorry I almost made you give up on me. Most of my waking time is spent incognito so I can watch over everyone while not being put in a position of authority. I didn’t anticipate meeting you ”

There’s a moment or two of silence as you gather your thoughts. “It’s okay,” you assure him. “I understand why you did what you did and I’ll never hold it against you. How were you supposed to know I was even born yet, not to mention that I’ve been in the area searching for you.”

You take another moment or two to gather your wits. “I will also understand if you don’t want to do anything about this,” you state. “I don’t want you to feel forced into having a relationship with me if you don’t want to. The last thing I’d want to do is be responsible for making you miserable. And that’s not to mention how you’re an archon and I’m just a mortal.”

Your talking speeds up as you start rambling, losing control of the conversation as you feel more and more nervous. Once you realize you’re rambling you shut your mouth with a click. “Sorry about that,” you mutter. “I do that sometimes when I’m nervous.”

When you chance a glance at him, he honestly looks a little offended but mostly just really sad. “Is- is that really what you think I think about this?” He asks softly. “Because it’s not. I absolutely want this. I absolutely want you. I’ve been looking forward to this moment for millenia and I wouldn’t give this up for the world.”

He reaches over and slowly, hesitantly, so as to give you time to escape if you want, gathers you into his arms. You realize that he’s the one who picked you up to bring you home. Your ear rests against his chest as lean against him, and his heart skips a beat as you gently grab one of his hands and kiss it. “I’m glad,” you breathe. “I’m glad too,” he voices softly.

You yawn, feeling the exhaustion from your journey home and the rest of the day hit you. He pulls you close and whispers in your ear, “Sleep well, my cecilia, I’ll be here when the sun comes up and when you wake up.” You fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

[jojotichakorn]

my thoughts and opinions on "lovely writer": criticizing the critic

tw for discussions of age gaps, rape, and sex

before i turn into the mean and constantly dissatisfied archer that we all know and hate, i just want to say that i liked this show. i think it's great, actually! gene and sib are appropriately cute, the premise is nice, and the attempt at criticizing the industry is... well, an attempt, which is better than nothing. moreover, "lovely writer" came with gifts because it gave me my new favorite character, so you can't go telling me i'm trying to completely obliterate it or something.

besides, this specific post isn't going to get into analyzing the show as a whole anyway. i won't be talking about any irrelevant plot points, cinematography, sound design, or anything like that, though i could probably write a post just as long as this one about that side of things as well. however, i am here to specifically look at the problematic things that were both criticized by the show and included in the show without any criticism. i'm going to talk about the more serious side of things here, which means i'm going to get serious. and i'm going to be harsh. very harsh.

gene and nubsib: yes's and no's

overall, the relationship between gene and sib was a fair attempt at showing something complex, yet ultimately quite healthy, which i appreciate. there were some things i was especially glad about. the fact that sib dated other people before settling on getting together with gene, for example, makes the whole situation a little less codependent. however, as much as this show prides itself on not wanting to romanticize problematic relationships, there are at least two major problems with genesib.

the age gap (and why it was not needed)

i've tried my very best to give this entire concept the benefit of the doubt. at first, i was convincing myself that they were simply close childhood friends, then i was trying my best to believe that even though sib did have a sort of crush on gene (which sometimes happens to little children), gene only saw him as his younger brother, but eventually, the show gave me no choice, but to deem the entire storyline problematic, because they did their best to romanticize that relationship - from gene's dad seeing the "early signs" to the counting and kissing the cheek turning to counting and full-on lip-locking in the last episode.

i could go into how this could all easily be mended if little sib was shown as kind of obsessed with his older friend, but gene was shown as not being anywhere near interested in the kid. but the real question is - why was the age gap needed at all?

i've researched the age of the boys during the flashbacks to the best of my ability and it seems that gene is 11 and sib is 6 or 7. if sib was the same age as gene (or maybe just one year younger, but not any more than that), not only would none of it feel weird, it would also be quite appropriate to explore that first glimpse of romantic feelings some of us experience exactly around that age. i don't think it's necessary for sib to be much younger than gene (children can be just as impressionable at 11 as they are at 7, and as for gene being surprisingly nice and helpful and the other kids not wanting to play with sib, he could have easily been - for example - bullied by his peers instead, which would have the same effect).

moving forward to the present, i don't think the lack of an age gap would affect the storyline that much either. even if they desperately needed sib to be a university student, they could have that one-year difference i've talked about before, which is not as significant. sib could be in his last year of uni, while gene could have easily written his very first novel during his university years, which would actually make more sense (since that guaranteed him employment and freedom to write after he finished uni; and i would rather believe that he had time to write his first novel in-between classes than in-between shifts at work, which he would surely need to have if he started writing after finishing university).

so that brings me back to my initial question - why was it needed? and much like the show often does, i will leave this one up for your interpretation because i do not have any sensible answers myself.

the issue with sex and consent

"but archer!" - i hear you exclaim - "lovely writer is known for explicitly denouncing rape romanticization in bls, how could there possibly be any problems with consent here?" and i hear you, my dear reader. and you aren't incorrect, "lovely writer" is indeed very explicit at calling out bls for having rape scenes (and i do appreciate that). however, as i'm sure you know, there are different ways in which consent can be taken from a person, and there are different non-consensual acts that someone might perform. for example, there are many different forms of coercion, such as the person being persuaded until they feel like they have no other choice, but to say yes. touching someone or kissing someone without asking for permission are also non-consensual acts. i can go on and on, there are many examples outside of what so many people consider rape.

now, what if i tell you that though there (thank the gods) has been no rape present in "lovely writer", not all scenes with gene and sib are consensual? well, that's what i'm telling you because it's the truth. both the first kissing scene and the scene where gene and sib "try out different poses" have clear coercion in them. the entire "joke" of the scene before gene and sib's first time is literally built upon the concept of "a person is trying to run away from someone, who wants to have sex with them" and it is NOT funny. the later reveal of gene actually looking up how to have sex seems to be there on purpose, to show that everything that's happened is "ok" because gene was thinking about it. as a sensible person, i will only accept actual enthusiastic consent and not someone possibly maybe probably considering it. not to mention that right before having sex, sib asks gene one last time if he is sure, which is great, except it is immediately followed by "i'm not going to let you change your mind anymore", which - daily reminder - you are allowed to stop having sex at any point during the act if you start feeling uncomfortable with it. that's absolutely normal.

now the problem that we seem to run into here is that "lovely writer" appears to think that it's ok to push someone to the limit until they either finally agree or confidently and loudly disagree. the drama has repeatedly shown us that actually forcing someone to have sex is not ok; however, persuading and otherwise coercing someone, as well as taking an approximate guess of them wanting to have sex based on some marginally related factors, is ok. i would like to once again remind everyone that all of that is not ok.

one more issue i want to bring up in connection with sex is something i wish was common knowledge: it is NOT supposed to hurt during your first time. whether you are planning to have vaginal or anal sex for the first time, it should not hurt. and if it does, something has definitely gone wrong and you need to stop. you are not supposed to experience any pain or discomfort during sex, including your first time (outside of desired and therefore intentionally inflicted pain, but that's not what i'm talking about here). i have seen this misconception brought up many times in bls along with the other person "thanking the person who got hurt for bearing the pain to bring them pleasure" and absolutely none of that is normal. stop. please, just... stop.

criticism of the BL industry

there are certainly quite a few things i liked about the way "lovely writer" criticized the many problems that surround bls. i think they dealt especially well with the fan aspect. the breaches of privacy that are considered normal, the toxicity of social media that encourages people to comment on other people's personal life, harass and stalk them - all of that was shown in its full glory (or rather horror) and clearly condemned. it was also interesting to see how easily everyone around sib fell into the routine of having to hide genesib's relationship, just because "that's what's supposed to be done in these situations" - even tum did that without thinking twice.

however, i have not spent the past three years hating gmm for a show trying to criticize the industry not to focus on criticizing the production company and everyone professionally involved with the making of bls. don't get me wrong - they didn't completely overlook that side of things, but i found the way they approached it dissatisfying.

like yes, tum fights with his sister (aka sib's manager) and calls her out for her terrible actions, and the publisher (bua) eventually apologizes for what she did, but all of that feels a bit too... personal. i do not care about these individual stories. i care about you saying that the whole system is broken because it very much is. i wanted manner of death but with the bl industry, and instead, i got an "uwu the fans are demanding we do this, and our hands our tied" (which is a lie) and "uwu i'm just trying to make money" (which i mean... if you feel ok milking even more money than you already have by doing something unethical and immoral, then be my guest, but also go fuck yourself). besides that, i didn't see any criticism of tabloids or exploitative celebrities either (both of which we had examples of in the show), and that was kind of disappointing.

coming back to the fans for a moment, i also think that the criticism of real people shipping was entirely unsuccessful. we basically mostly got an "oh, what if this person's partner thinks they are actually dating", which... if a bunch of people on the internet who do not know your boyfriend personally and make all their judgments from screenshots and their imagination can convince you that your boyfriend is cheating, i've got some bad news for you and also a number for a therapist. partly i know why it was so complicated for them to get into it properly - the issue with real people shipping is an issue of privacy, boundaries, the perception of celebrities, acceptable interests, and many other complex topics. however, it's better to not criticize something than to criticize it badly and inaccurately (because the latter usually leads to even more encouragement of whatever you were attempting to criticize).

aey: the flamboyant villain

aey certainly starts as a promisingly complex character, but the farther we go from his backstory and his family, the less complex and the more evil he gets. eventually, the trauma he goes through is no longer enough to give him a get-out-of-jail-free card, and he loses all remaining sympathy after sexually harassing gene and pretending to drug sib. and i did start this post by saying that i am not to analyze any plot points or characters from the show here; however, i'm saying all this to prove a point that aey is a clear villain in the show. this is further cemented by the fact that by the end of the show he loses the only two people who cared about him, and the very last moment with him in the show is literally just him crying for about 3 minutes. there was no redemption arc, no pity, no revenge - he was left alone and broken, clearly punished by the narrative. and i've got a bone to pick here as well.

one of the first things that we find out about aey is that he is gay, and quite openly so. he is repeatedly described as very feminine by many characters, he flirts with men, he talks about being good in bed, and his entire character is built upon being gay (half of it directly, and the other half due to the fact that his entire backstory and therefore personality is also built upon the fact that he is gay). he is - for the lack of a better term - the gayest character in the show and the only one who is loud about being gay not because he is in love but simply because it is a part of him and he doesn't want to hide it. and he is the villain. not the disgusting publisher or the terrible manager - no, this guy was specifically chosen to ruin everyone's lives. and i can't say i'm particularly happy about that. *british voice* seems a bit homophobic love

not quite queer enough

as i said, aey is openly gay. gene and sib also eventually say that they are gay, gene's father teep is queer, so are tiffy and mhok. but it just doesn't seem to come up as much as it would in real life. the only time anyone has a problem with any of the characters being queer is when we deal with the parents. but knowing actual queer thai actors in real life, we are all aware how hard it can be for them, but it has not come up even once for aey, gene or sib (with genesib only being a problem because they are a "non-shippable couple"). being queer is far from being a non-issue in the industry, and i found it incredibly weird that it was never brought up (and i would also prefer if they brought that up instead of showing the unaccepting parents plot for the millionth time).

same goes for the lack of conversation around queer people on set. i think we all have a wonderful example of how much better a bl can get simply when it involves a queer director and/or screenwriter (gods bless p'aof), gay actors, etc. i also thought it was a missed opportunity that gene being a gay man writing a bl novel was never highlighted. if anything, everyone made a big deal out of him being a man writing a bl - never mind that he is a gay man that is far more qualified to write bls than a straight woman.

in conclusion, there are simply not enough queer issues talked about here for a show that is about queer people facing difficulties while making a queer drama.

tiffy and tum: the good, the bad, and the ugly

overall, tiffy and tum are quite cool. outside of my own personal feelings, i really liked the clear reversal of gender roles they have going on: he knows lots about make-up, she knows nothing about it, he knows how to sew, she knows how to repair a car, etc.

tiffy is also a nice addition to the precious few queer girls we have in bls. however, the way her being bi is executed... it isn't great. when she first talks about dating girls to tum, she says things like "even though i look like this" (implying queer girls have a certain look?) and "maybe it seemed normal because i was at an all-girls school" (which wtf does that even mean?). i think the worst thing, though, was when she assumed tum was gay. my best guess is she thought so because she initially thought that tum and gene were a couple; however, she should be the first person to know that just because he likes men, it doesn't mean that he doesn't like women or any other gender. even though there was nothing explicitly leading me to make this conclusion, this whole thing did kind of feel like the old "flipping the switch" stereotype (meaning, she used to like women, but now she likes men, and both of them can't happen simultaneously).

make it make sense

i think i've never been more confused in my entire life than when i found out that the director of "lovely writer" also happens to be the director of "th*arnt*pe". and if at first, i was asking a lot of questions about this peculiar individual, who went from working on the worst rape-romanticizing show we have ever had to a show that explicitly states that rape is not normal. but the more i thought about it, the less i was interested in him, and the more i was interested in whoever made the decision to hire him. there are dozens of different directors that have worked specifically on bls, and even more that haven't. yet out of all those, you decided to choose this one. the dude, who before your show has only directed the show with the biggest rape-y vibes. that casts a particular kind of shade on the entire show that i simply do not like.

conclusion

at the end of the day, i think what "lovely writer" tried to do was very interesting. it succeeded in some ways and failed in others. frankly, i think this show could have easily been made better if someone queer was involved in making it. that's always true, but especially so, when we try to talk about the issues of making a queer drama. either way, it's certainly a good start to this conversation; however - as i said - i'm still waiting for my manner of death but with the bl industry. this was unfortunately not it.

[ambersky0319]

Idea: Intrulogical fusion, completely in sync despite being a fusion of Remus and Logan. But Virgil and Patton didn't like it. Virgil because, It's Remus. He shouldn't be with a lightside. Patton because it makes him feel like he failed Logan, after all, hes eith Remus. So they force them apart. But, their roles are switched. Logan looks like King George III, but he has shackles & broken crown. Remus looks like your stereotypical mad scientist. They have no memory of who they once were. -Rayne

I had a lot of fun with this- also I decided to draw Macabre! It also ended up being longer than I intended. I hope y’all enjoy this!

Pairings : Intrulogical, Background Roceit

Warnings : Unsympathetic Patton, Morally gray but also pretty Unsympathetic Virgil (I mean, he feels somewhat regretful of what he does at the end-), Fusion, blood and pain mentions, if I need to add anything else please let me know!

Masterpost 

—————————–

It started off as something small- an idea that Remus had, which Logan was more than happy to try. They were just figments of imagination, after all, it’s not like it was an impossibility. And it took a lot longer than either side believed it should have taken, but they got there.

Logan and Remus fused.

When they first fused, they cried. Tears streamed down their cheeks as they hugged themselves because it just felt so incredible, so loving. They hadn’t even looked in a mirror yet, but it felt right, being together like this. They fell to the ground just hugging themselves, rocking back and forth. He wasn’t them, though, and both Logan and Remus knew that. They could feel that. And when he looked in the mirror, that’s when they fell apart.

Logan and Remus were choking back tears of their own as they held one another, crumpled on the floor of Logan’s room. Remus buried his face into Logan’s neck, grinning wide as he laughed almost hysterically.

“I can’t believe that worked!”

“I can’t believe how that felt.”

The silence stretched on for a moment as they collected themselves until Remus broke it, pulling away from Logan slightly. “I want to do it again.” He said, reaching up to play with Logan’s hair. “Can we do it again, Lolo?”

Logan smiled the softest Remus had ever seen him smile, and he nodded. “Yes, whoever that was, it felt great. I would do it a hundred times or more.”

Remus giggled before leaning in, pressing a gentle kiss to Logan’s lips before they fused once again.

And so, Morbidity was created.

Morbidity stayed hidden for a long while, and Remus and Logan felt strange each time they unfused. They felt lonely, more so than they had before fusing. Remus had correlated it to how Ruby felt when she and Sapphire unfused and Ruby had gone on that adventure. And Logan couldn’t agree more. Being Morbidity was intoxicating, because when he formed, neither felt lonely or unloved anymore. And Morbidity felt more love than when Logan and Remus spent time together unfused.

Morbidity just felt right.

Morbidity didn’t want to unfuse anymore. Logan and Remus didn’t want to be apart, not when they were constantly torn down and ignored. So they stopped unfusing, and Morbidity stayed in his room. His own room! He had been shocked when it had formed but felt overjoyed nonetheless. Because it meant he was a part of Thomas, a true part of him! But with the new room, that meant that the others would start to notice. And they did.

Macabre, the name Morbidity found he liked most when brainstorming, was peacefully watching a documentary about some of the worst crimes ever committed to date. He was fascinated with how the killers had gotten away with it for so long, and how all the evidence from the buckets of blood that had needed cleaning up to the finest of hairs left behind all played a roll in solving the cases. He was writing a novel, a murder mystery, and wanted it to be as exciting and puzzling as possible. So research was needed.

That’s when his door was opened, no one knocking as it slammed against the wall. Macabre flinched at the sound, finally looking away from his television and notebook littered with notes and random, horrific doodles.

Standing there was Roman, stunned when he saw Macabre, dual-colored eyes staring into his green ones. “Um…”

Then Patton peered over his shoulder, confusion flashing across his face. “A new side?”

Macabre laughed, and it sounded like glass shattering. “Not a new side, Patty-cake. Merely an experiment gone extremely well!” Macabre stood, stretching and hearing his bones pop and feeling the pins and needles in his feet creeping up his legs. How long had it been since he last got up? He made a mental note to set a timer so that his limbs wouldn’t fall asleep like this again.

“…. Experiment?”

“Who are you?”

“What are you?”

Macabre frowned only slightly, fixing his glasses. “I’m Morbidity! I would say it’s great to finally introduce myself, but I believe your facial expressions aren’t the proper reactions one would want.

"And I was an experiment. Not one any longer, though! Remus and Logan sure enjoyed doing them. Maybe I should try it out too!”

“You’re behind Logan disappearing?!” Virgil’s voice raised a few octaves as he started on at the fusion. Macabre crossed his arms, now frowning completely.

“I’m not behind anything. And Logan didn’t disappear. Not completely.”

“What does that even mean?”

It seemed Roman knew the answer to Patton’s question, though, because he broke from his daze to answer. “Correct me if I’m wrong, Morbidity, but you’re a fusion.”

Macabre smiled. “Right you are, Roman! Oh, I knew you would remember. Remus didn’t think you would, but I knew you would.” He clapped his hands together, once.

“What’s he talking about Roman?” Virgil asked.

Roman only briefly looked at Virgil, offering a small, half-hearted shrug. “Remus brought up the idea one time that maybe sides could fuse. I just brushed it off, but it was definitely one of his good ideas.” He turned back to Macabre. “So… You’re a fusion of Remus and Logan?”

“Morbid Creativity and Logic sure go quite well together, don’t you think? Both always ignored, finding that they are the outcasts of their supposed families, and finding love in one another. It really shouldn’t be a surprise that they got along so well.”

“Wait wait wait, Logan fused with… With Remus?” Patton looked absolutely horrified.

“Well, they were dating for a year before they made me. But yes.”

“They were together?!”

“It really isn’t hard to believe, Patton.” Macabre glanced at his nails, painted as though they were dipped into blood. “Now, unless you three are interested in watching this documentary with me, can I get back to work?”

“We still have-”

“What are you working on?” Roman cut off Virgil, approaching Macabre. He shot Virgil and Patton a slight glare when they tried to protest. Because he could feel the anger and frustration, and even the panic radiating off the pair. “If you two even think of pushing Morbidity to talk, by the way, I’ll let Thomas know why I actually chose to go to the wedding.”

That sent the pair off, and Roman sat down with Macabre, the door closing. If this is what Remus and Logan wanted, to be together like this, then Roman would support it. He wasn’t in any place to judge though, considering just this morning he and Deceit had attempted to do the same.

It suddenly became very different around the Mind Palace, what with Macabre (or Copypasta’ as Roman and Deceit had taken to calling him after seeing Macabre’s love of creepypasta) having introduced himself to Thomas not long after the others had ventured into his room.

Thomas didn’t really mind Macabre, while he sometimes felt uncomfortable by the insane amount of violent knowledge he had, knowing about certain chemicals and their reactions to drinks was definitely helpful when attending bars. Especially when his drink shifted in color just slightly, and Thomas knew not to drink, because Macabre had remembered a case where someone had drugged their date. And Macabre got along with Deceit and Roman just fine(though the two still hadn’t come out yet).

Patton and Virgil, though? They were furious. They were absolutely livid that Logan would even agree to ever fuse with Remus. Logan deserved better than Remus, in their eyes.

They fueled one another, Virgil and Patton. They fueled the negative thoughts towards Macabre. He shouldn’t exist. He should have never existed in the first place. Logan was too good for Remus. What could Remus possibly offer that Logan would want, anyway, that Logan didn’t already have? The others had been working on showing their appreciation of Logan. Virgil and Patton had worked on not cutting him off, and Virgil had tried listening to him a bit more. Patton had stopped laughing at a few jokes Roman made about Logan.

And then there was Remus. The imbalance of negative and positive ideas was weird. Because Macabre wasn’t intrusive, not to the extent Remus had been. Now, Remus’s gruesome ideas were rationalized or internalized, suppressed in Macabre until he could jot down the idea and either write or draw the thought. Everything just felt wrong.

So they devised a plan, about three weeks after Macabre had been found by them.

Virgil had been horrified by Patton’s idea at first, listening reluctantly as Patton explained to him how to split a side. Because even if Virgil hated Macabre being together, and didn’t like Remus, he still remembered what the split had done to the twins. And he worried how that would affect Remus, going through another split. But Patton persuaded him, claiming that if all the facts that Thomas knew were tainted, were bad, then Thomas was a bad person. And Thomas couldn’t be a bad person, he just couldn’t. So Virgil agreed.

He doesn’t remember it much, though. He purposely forgot Macabre’s scream as he was quite literally torn apart. Virgil blocked the image of Macabre’s agonized face from his mind, keeping it a blurred memory that could have been a dream. He felt sick at the thought that he did it, but the idea that Logan would come back was enough to keep him from stopping.

Patton though was completely unfazed.

However, they didn’t get the outcome they had wanted.

Remus and Logan had indeed been split, that much was clear. But they weren’t Remus and Logan, not the ones that Patton and Virgil wanted.

They were pushed out of the way by Roman and Deceit, who had finally broken into the room that Virgil and Patton had sealed off. It looked so incredibly wrong, and to say Deceit and Roman were angry would be an understatement. They were bursting with rage as Logan and Remus finally stopped whimpering, the pain no longer overwhelming them. They cradled the two sides, all the while having a shouting match with Patton, Virgil making no attempt to defend his actions.

Roman held his brother tightly, though Remus only blinked at him in confusion, and once Deceit and Roman had stopped arguing with Virgil and Patton, they had turned their attention to the two sides, taking them in. The guilty pair sunk out to their own rooms, leaving Roman and Deceit with the new Logan and Remus.

Though they didn’t even know Logan and Remus were their names.

—————————–

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[tinyphantomsoul]

De Mohrenschildt

"It's my hundredth post."

"Wow. You always remember your first 100 posts."

"I'm in love with my take."

"On the Kennedy Assassination?"

Yes. It's the most wonderful take. How could I think about ever denying everybody the pleasure of knowing this "take"?

"What was the take again?"

"Funny."

"No seriously."

"I will not directly respond to that. I will just say that knowing my take as I do, I can see things so clearly."

"Like 'for instance'."

"Like the enigmatic Mr. De Mohrenschildt."

"Who the hell is that?"

"He's that guy that played a big role in that Stephen King novel on the Assassination." Did you ever read it?"

No. Not that I don't like Stephen King.

"I didn't read it, either. And I like Stephen King. I just thought it might mess with my Mojo. But, ah, George apparently takes up a lot of the book. It's sort of a relationship between Oswald and this DeMorhenschildt guy."

"And what does this have to do with anything."

"Well, though I haven't read the book, I can sort of see how King got some of the assassination right."

"Really? I thought you were the only one that knows the secret."

"Well, that's true, but I think King kind of got the gist of one of the scenarios."

"We have another scenario that doesn't have to do with framing Oswald?"

"Yes. And an important one at that."

"Wow!"

"When I first decided to read some of the testimonies, I think I did it since I'd heard that this guy De Morhenschildt was the first to give testimony, which I thought was odd. And I think it was explained to me that it was perhaps the longest of the people interviewed."

"So, logically, you wanted to bore yourself silly and read his testimony."

"Yes. And I wanted to see how the whole thing began. If it really did begin with George De Morhenschildt."

"You mean you don't know?"

"No. I don't. I'm assuming he was the first, because that's what I was told, but I don't know and there was nothing in the testimony that indicated it was the first interview."

"It doesn't go chronologically?"

"What? The Warren Commission 26 Volumes?"

"Yes. That too I'm not totally sure on."

"How can you not be sure. You are supposed to know this kind of stuff if you are to consider yourself a researcher."

"Well, there was nothing that came out and declared that this was the first day of testimonies and well spend two days on this one guy. Or the whole day with this guy."

"How much did you read?"

"I probably read about a half of his testimony. So, I got to the point that they had lunch break and all of that."

"And what did you learn?"

"Well, despite having a take, I was sort of left to wonder at the purpose of this interview. I mean, there was nothing I saw that was altogether enlightening. So, I was kind of disappointed. But I suppose my "take" - even with my very own take - was sort of like everyone else's: that the whole thing was to distract. That, perhaps, it was a whole lot of nothing just as a ruse."

"But now you know better."

"Yes, indeed! The CIA never does that sort of thing. They must be clever and the cleverest thing to do was have De Morhenschildt in the witness chair and have everyone think that this had nothing to do with nothing and the whole relationship between Oswald and De Morhenschildt was much ado about nothing. Which is actually the opposite from what you want to get out of this testimony. It's what the CIA wants you to believe."

"Ahh, you are so brilliant!"

"Don't patronize. You see, this testimony sort of highlights why the plan that's foisted upon us - Oswald was the lone nut - is such a shitty plan."

"How so?"

"Well, let me ask YOU. What is the one thing that stands out the most about Oswald?"

"That he was crazy?"

"No. Although, it is sort of part of his persona, so that's not a totally wrong answer. No, the real thing that stands out about Oswald is his magnetism. So, for Oswald to be the lone nut means that we, the American public, are being screwed out of a good story. Instead of having something that makes sense, like Oswald using his powerful magnetism for evil purposes, we have Oswald doing everything by himself. Which is such a shame."

"Do you feel like you were screwed out of a good story?"

"Yes. I do. I mean here is this powerful, enigmatic and noble gentlemen, telling everyone that he was smitten with Oswald and couldn't help but be in awe of the man - kid, really."

"And De Morhenschildt had seen the world. Heck, he even went on a hiking trip that would - or did - literally cross countries. Sothing that no white man, at least, had done before, which was to traverse Mexico. And here he is in love with Oswald. Even wrote a book about Oswald, which no doubt proved to everyone that this De Mohrenschildt was past being head over heels, and that despite all the denials he made in the courtroom, he went insane and mad over Oswald.

"But that was later."

"Yes. That was later. But it's clear from his testimony that this noble man from some descendant of Vikings, who was a Social Icon - for lack of a phrase - that despite his denials, he was absolutely drawn to Oswald and was powerless to him - unless he left town completely, like in that walking tour and later when he went to Haiti for a bunch of years."

"Ahhh. I'm beginning to see things more clearly. I get your point. Oswald had magnetism."

"And he had smarts. Childish smarts, perhaps, but smart enough to create some plan as a sort of mastermind."

"And there are 'incidents' that prove such a magnetism, just as with the framing of Oswald."

"Indeed!"

[youdajiji]

1. Reunion

Yongsun loved going by her English name - Solar. That was a cool name. Just like herself. She ran a Youtube channel called Solarsido with a few hundred thousands of subscribers, those who liked videos of her experience. Sometimes Yongsun would call for input from me and the other two house mates. But most of the time, my ideas were ignored. 

"Your idea is ok but spending 4 hours working on meditation painting is a bit... too popular, don't you think so? I need something energetic and unique."

Yongsun circled my idea with a Sharpie on an A0-sized paper which was already full of text. Had she not want to let me down, she would have strike through my idea of making meditation painting. 

"Unique?" - Hyejin crawled on the bed speaking up with her husky voice - "It's difficult, unnie. You have done quite a few unique things." 

Hyejin concluded her statement with a yawning. She was the same age as me, and was a real workaholic as except for her main job as a wedding planner, she took on some part time jobs. That's why at home, Hyejin usually appeared lazy - she had used up all her energy at work.

"Recent trend is about doing common stuff, of course with attractive storytelling, I think so."

Byul Yi spoke up next to me. She was the second oldest in the house, yet the most mature and calm. Byul Yi liked it logical, so she wanted to research and back things up before making a statement. I bet she had just spoken up after going through no less than 10 reports about trends.

"If that's the case" - Hyejin rose up from her place with a yoga pose - "How about living a day as Wheeinie? Her life is the most normal among us, right?"

I shot her a glance askew. She must be mocking at me. But Yongsun, on the other hand, found it interesting. She thumbed up at Hyejin.

"DJing a radio program sounds great Hyejin ah. That's quite different from my channel's vibe."

I pouted. Excuse me, who had just "criticized" that my idea lacks of energy?

"But Wheein ah" - Byul Yi glances at me - "Does Yongsun need approval or something?"

I shook my head.

"They are quite easy. You just need to do your job well as I have already settled the script."

"So" - Yongsun's face brightened - "Tomorrow, right?"

"Up to you. I just need to give them a call. Lucky you that I really want a day-off."

I was dreaming of a chilling Friday, relaxing with a cup of mocha and spending time on my ongoing novel which I would never have the chance to get it published. But the dream had been extinguished. Totally.

"No no no" - Yongsun shook her head and grabbed her phone. She had tons of things to do every week so her schedule was full of notes - "I have class tomorrow at the center for the disabled."

I rolled my eyes and let out an exhale while the other three exchanged a laugh at each other.

***

"Long time no see, Wheeinie!"

The director of Pyeong Hwa center for the disabled welcomed me with a happy smile. She spoke to me but her words were followed by sign language.

"Ah, yes. Solar unnie is busy so I will help her out today."

"That's more than awesome." - The director showed me the way - "The members will be so glad to see you again."

Sure. Because I was the one who introduced Yongsun here. I worked as a volunteer here from my freshman year until about 1 year ago - when my job started to keep me busy. Back then, Yongsun was looking for experience for her newly opened channel so I brought her here. It turned out Yongsun liked this place so much that she kept on teaching piano here even though I left the center after that.

And now I was back to the place I used to be so familiar with. The old piano was still there - Yongsun told me that it was the biggest evidence of resilience - and I could recognize some familiat faces who I had taught before. They were all muted - innate or by diseases but that didn't stop their love for music.

"Oh gosh, Soyoonie ah!"

I almost cried when a 15 year old girl ran to hug me. I hugged her back and looked around, people were all smiling and signaling to me, things like:

"Welcome back!"

"I thought you've gone forever."

"Stay for lunch, ok?"

I replied them with smile. And with the sign language they were using, I told them with seriousness.

"Let's focus on today's lesson first!"

I sat down at the piano and played a few notes. The piano sound brought me back to my youthful days when I spent the majority of my time with these people, disabled yet still positive. When I first came here, I - the freshman who was about to go crazy with my workload at university and a hopeless unrequitted crush - only wanted to find a healing place. But things didn't go well at first. I had thought I had the wrong choice as I struggled a lot with communicating with them. Luckily, I got exposed to sign language. And this language, however difficult it might seem, turned out to be so attractive to me. Perhaps I liked the silence in this means of communication - Hah!

The challenging days of learning to understand and getting myself understood gradually passed by and I was finally capable of communicating with sign language to teach them music until the day I left.

 And right at the moment, the person that brought me to sign language was standing at the threshold, smiling brightly.

"Look" - I read the sign from him - "Whee-pup is back!"

Hyojin was only one year older than me but he had been working here since high school - a few years earlier than I did. We were quite close after nearly 5 years working together on multiple activities for the center, from piano to painting and even dancing. As Hyojin was still here, I felt more welcomed coming back, despite being nagged at once we meet.  

"Hey, why do you keep getting thinner everytime I see you?"

Years working here had taught me to get used to Hyojin's nagging. I would be worried if he did not spend a day without nagging about someone or something. 

"Geez, and you are getting chubbier, my Deer!"

Hyojin usually callsed me Pup and I called him Deer - the old Deer. But he was an old man for his nagging; except for that and the chubbier cheeks, the 27-year-old Hyojin was not much different from the 22-year-old Hyojin when we first met. 

I comfortably adjusted my seat on the ergonomic chair in Hyojin's own office - now he was the operation manager at the center, such a prestigious reward for his never-ending contribution - and drink the mocha Hyojin bought at the canteen, along with a bunch of snacks. I bet that was the reason for Hyojin's gaining weight lately.

"If I say that gaining weight is gaining more energy for work, you'll take it as making an excuse." - Hyojin shrugslged and opened a pack of potato chips. Putting a piece into his mouth, Hyojin smiled at me - "But why are you here today? You didn't inform me for a proper welcome."

I stuck out my tongue. That action has two meanings. First, I had totally forgotten informing Hyojin. If I told him that it was due to urgency, he would take it as making an excuse. And second... what kind of welcome? He was just joking. 

"Yongsun unnie is busy. I just help her out on my annual leave."

"So" - Hyojin raised his eyebrows sarcastically - "Had Yongsun noona not been busy, you would never have thought of paying me a visit, right?"

I smiled crookedly at those burning words from Hyojin. Right, if it hadn't been for Hyejin's unconventional idea, I would never thought of coming back here. Busy work, that's the only reason. Also due to a hectic life, I and Hyojin had gradually grown apart, no longer as close-knitted like when we were in the same volunteer team. However, deep down inside, I believed Hyojin still remembers our purpose.

"Do you still remember my goal back then?" - I shook my plastic cup of coffee and the ice cubes inside make cracking sounds. - "About becoming more sociable?"

"Yup" - Hyojin looked serious - "I do. I have been joking so far. We are both making effort right?"

Hey, had I mentioned that we became close because we both had mental problem back then and went to the center for the disabled to widen our network as well as to be more active, more sociable as a cure? After all those time, Hyojin had made much more progress than I did. Not only had he became a manager at the center, but he also learned to become a coach to assist people. I was, meanwhile, at a slower pace. I only opened my heart for a limited number of people and chose to do something that only required my individual effort to refrain from bothering others.  

"So" - My voice trailed off - "I haven't visited you because I am busy working on that and..."

"Come on Whee-pup" - Hyojin interrupted me and leaned over to throw the empty pack of chips to the garbage bin in the corner of the office. - "I did not ask you to explain. I'm happy because you're getting brighter days after days."

Suddenly, Hyojin exclaimed as if he recalled something.

"And by the way, I did listen to your radio."

My eyes widened.

"How come? It's internal radio."

"Ah" - Hyojin scratched his red hair - "The Earth is round. There was your colleague in my coaching class. I asked him if he knew Whee-pup..."

"How come that person knew if you mentioned Pup?"

I pouted. But Hyojin just smiled and corrected himself.

"Ah no, I asked if he knew" - Hyojin intentionally stressed on each word - "MC Jung Wheein. He said that you were very well known in the company. So" - Hyojin shrugged with pride - "As Jung Wheein's close brother, I asked him to share me a sample session of your program."

"And what do you think of it?"

I raised my chin. It just made Hyojin laugh harder as it had been a while I did not ask him anything. I was originally not a decisive person; hence, I tended to ask my close friends for advice and Hyojin was among my top priority for to-go people.

"Surprised  of course." - Hyojin, again, scratched his head. Had I ever mentioned that Hyojin looked best with red hair? - "Because you produce everything. At first I did not believe but your colleague assured me. That is... how to say... quite impressive."

My grin got bigger. But Hyojin did not let my pride last for long as he concluded:

"But perhaps I found it impressive because I have not heard from you for a while, right?"

I stood up and leansled over to his place, grabbed his shoulders and shook as hard as I could.

"Shut up Kim Hyojin! I knew you've been joking around!"

Both of us bursted out laughing. No matter how long we hadn't seen each other, we were goofing around as if we were still in those youthful days 5 years ago!

[quaylinsims]

True to his word, Henry had the coach driver stop in a town on the way to his cousin's house. At first glance, it was super cute and historic. Everything looked to be from around the Civil War era. Much like Henry's suit and the stagecoach and the "roads" and...

Henry bought a newspaper and asked where one could go to find a pre-made dress for a little girl. He was directed to a corner shop. When we got there, I looked out and noticed the dresses and everything else were also from the 19th century. Henry's newspaper said 1850.

My heart began racing, and my head began pounding. Thoughts started flashing through my mind: How did I end up in 1850? That shouldn't be remotely possible! How do I get home? Can I get home? Do they have plumbing? Does my family know I'm gone? I hate those ruffly hoops skirts. How do I live in an era where women can't even vote? Does my family think I'm dead? Will I ever get home?

I started hyperventilating. Henry patiently waited for me to calm down, and I knew he had no idea how to help. Still, he tried. He put a cautious hand on my back and rubbed it slowly, gently.

Think! Think! One thing at a time! I need to wear clothes. This man is helping me. One thing at a time.

I slowly regained my composure and let Henry know I was ready to go.

Inside, the shop was very girly. The man behind the counter greeted Henry, who in turn said he needed to buy me a few dresses.

A few? Wow.

The man finally looked at me in my tent, his eyes widening. He quickly glanced back at Henry as if to size him up, but the latter was calm as ever.

Soon, I was trying on dresses.

Then our destination rose up amid the fields .s book, and Henry gave him some money.

"I really appreciate this, Henry," I said when we were back in the coach.

"Mr. Baldwin."

"What?"

He sighed.

"It is inappropriate for a young girl to call a man by his first name. Honestly, child, did no one teach you manners?"

Shit. I really messed that one up. That's right. 19th century. I have to be proper. I've read a lot of period novels and watched a lot of period tv. Thank you, Bridgerton. I can do that.

"Apologies, Mr. Baldwin," I correct. "I can do better. Your generosity is deeply appreciated."

I even bowed my head a little and offered a sheepish smile. He looked stunned at my reversal.

"That is much improved," he said. "Now then, Miss Swan, we will be going to my cousin's house. He is Mr. Tobias Nickelby. He has many... people in his... employ... I trust you will be well-behaved?"

"Of course, Mr. Baldwin."

He nodded and fell silent, reading his newspaper. I recalled some genealogical research I had done and the newspapers I had searched for obituaries. They published a lot of local social news, like who was passing through, who was visiting whom, whether my grandparents' homing pigeons made it back to Cleveland. I smiled and quietly chuckled to myself at the memory. I wondered what was in this newspaper.

We had to stay in an inn that night. We weren't far from Mr. Baldwin's cousin's house, but it was too far to venture further in the night. He rented me my own room for my privacy. I was grateful. It did not take me long to fall asleep, what with the eventful day and all.

We were back on the road in the early morning, eating breakfast at dawn and heading out of town. By noon, we were almost there.

"Now remember, Miss Swan, you are to call my cousin Mr. Nickelby."

"Yes, of course, sir."

He smiled.

We took a turn east. Thick trees on the right, vast fields on the left. There were men and women out working in the fields, wielding tools and carrying baskets.

Then our destination rose up amid the fields and we turned down the long driveway.

To call Mr. Nickelby's home a house was an understatement. It was a lovely mansion. Lovely until I got a closer look around me. All the workers wore tattered clothes, and none was white. Except for the odd fellow here or there just standing around barking at the others.

I wanted to cry. This was the past. I knew that. This was 1850. Of course slavery was still a thing. But to see it...

"I don't want to be here!"

Mr. Baldwin quickly turned his head at my outburst.

"I can't!"

"What ever is the matter with you?"

Mr. Baldwin sounded more surprised than upset.

"Th-this," I stammered, tears beginning to fall. "This is-isn't ri-ight!"

He looked out as we neared the plantation house's front.

"You are not wrong, child," he nearly whispered. "But we must be respectful of our host."

I wasn't sure if I could do that. I shook my head.

"How is your imagination? Can you pretend they are not there?"

I must have given him quite the stare because he looked back at me with shock.

"Remember your manners."

His tone was almost scolding, but before I could say anything, he was hopping out of the coach.

Mr. Nickelby -- whose formal name I use out of respect for Mr. Baldwin, not the vile filth that owned humans -- greeted his cousin with a roaring "Welcome!" Mr. Baldwin gestured to the coach, and said something about me. The former waved a greeting in my direction and escorted Mr. Baldwin inside.

I had to leave the coach.

I stepped foot onto a working plantation, and I shuddered. I knew from school and documentaries and movies how frighteningly awful they could be. I looked around for something that didn't seem tainted by malevolence, and I saw a small tombstone under a tree.

"That there was Mrs. Nickelby's favorite tree," said a voice behind me.

I turned to find a beautiful woman in a yellow dress and an apron standing about four feet away. I could just make out a scar on her left brow under her hair and a tattoo on her right wrist. She caught me staring at it.

"Come, Miss. There is a room for you."

She led me upstairs to a very frilly room.

"Thank you," I said, my voice catching in my throat.

I caught sight of her tattoo again. I knew it was a brand. I wanted to cry again.

"I am so, so sorry," I say, trying not sob.

"I'm surprised you care, Miss. If I may say so."

"Of course you may. And I promise you: this will all end one day."

She gave me one of those looks adults give children when they've said something so innocent that their naivity is both adorable and sad. I knew this look; I'd given it to my nephews. It broke my heart that she didn't have that hope.

I did not go down to dinner that night. For the next three days, Mr. Nickelby entertained Mr. Baldwin, and I ate what little I could in my room. I never met his daughter, and she never tried to introduce herself to me. Though I understood we were about the "same" age.

Finally, Mr. Baldwin knocked on the door.

"Come in."

He entered, took one look at my I-just-finished-ugly-crying face, and frowned.

"What has you so upset, child?"

I couldn't talk about how I was stuck 171 years before my "present" and so far removed from those I cared for, but I felt I could possibly mention the horrors I knew about and even had seen from my window. I took a deep breath.

"I hate this place," I admitted. "Enslaving humans beings, it's just so wrong!"

He pulled the chair from the corner to the side of the bed.

"Just yesterday, I saw an overseer whip a man so violently that--"

I had to pause. I didn't think I had more in me.

"It was awful. The crack of the whip. The blood. I could tell what it was even at night."

I buried my face in my hands and tried some deep breathing exercises.

"I am sorry, Miss Swan. No child should have to see that."

I looked up at Mr. Baldwin.

"No human should have to endure that," I answered.

My tone was harsher than I would have liked it to be, but Mr. Baldwin didn't show any shock or disppointment.

"Well, we will be leaving in the morning," he said, rising from the chair. "Hopefully you will feel better once we are on our way."

Through the lens of the 21st century, it nearly enraged me that he wasn't more upset by things. Everywhere I looked, everything I saw reminded me that I was in 1850, yet I could not wrap my head around what I knew to be an ass-backward, hateful, ignorant way of life.

It was somewhat of a relief that Mr. Baldwin at least also disagreed with what those in the south were doing.

It took two weeks to get to Philadelphia. I was relieved to be in the North. I was just about to ask Mr. Baldwin if I would be staying with him.

"I have written ahead to a cousin of mine here in Philadelphia," he told me over breakfast. "She is a teacher at a school for girls, and I have secured you a room there."

I was stunned.

"Do not leave your mouth hanging open, young lady."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Baldwin. I'm just surprised."

"Why? You can read. You are an intelligent girl. Why shouldn't you go to school?"

Well, I can't disagree. I've always loved school, but it's a little elementary for me, my dear Baldwin. I do have advanced degrees.

"You are always so generous, Mr. Baldwin. I wish I deserved it."

"I will leave you with an allowance, and I will send more regularly."

I was speechless. This sort of kindness always made me feel uncomfortable, and I couldn't understand why anyone would want to dote on me.

"Why are you so kind to me, Mr. Baldwin?" I asked quietly.

He smiled and placed his napkin on the table.

"Come, I want to make a stop first."

The stop, it turned out, was for me. Mr. Baldwin took me to a bookstore on our way to the school and told me to pick out anything I wanted. Of course, the books I really wanted to read weren't out yet. But I found a few.

"This may be the most generous thing you've done for me yet," I smiled.

"I'm glad you're happy," he he said with a chuckle. "We are near the school, so you can always come back here."

"Oh, I will."

I wondered about the possibility of somehow getting home and bringing some mint condition first editions with me.

He wasn't wrong; the school was very close. His cousin, much nicer to look at and not a slaver, welcomed us in. She was warm and comforting, not unlike Mr. Baldwin. He left as night fell.

She showed me to my room, which I would share with another girl, Anne. Anne was quiet and very hard to get to know; she mostly ignored me. When I wasn't in class, I was often upstairs reading, sometimes under my blanket, but only when the sun was bright through the windows.

I received regular letters from Mr. Baldwin and his wife, which I did not expect. She seemed like a lovely woman to know. I hoped I would get a chance to meet her.

The Baldwins went to Boston for the holidays. Mrs. Baldwin's father was there, and he was ill. I was glad she had a chance to visit with him. I was homesick, too. I wondered how my mother was and if the nursing home was treating her kindly.

I frequently visited the bookstore, found a few others, and scanned newspapers for any bizarre stories that could be like mine. But to no avail. I had no other way to figure out how to get home.

Late in the spring, I received a letter from Mrs. Baldwin inviting me to stay at their home for the summer months.

[drrockbell]

So this has been something that I have wanted to talk since the THE DAY the opening came out years ago. I found it so interesting and angsty that it was Winry who Ed saw as Truth. I know a lot people took it as a quick ship moment, but I always thought there was a little bit more, but I didn't know why.

A few months ago I looked up "Truth Winry" and then I found the above notes, specifically the last bullet point. I watched the opening at 0.25X speed and, sure enough, every homunculus except Greed shows up. There is a 7th character, but it's Kimblee, not Greed.

(credit to alchemeia for creating this gif)

I always thought that this was Hohenheim, but nope. It's Ed with all of the sins, except Greed coming out if him.

This goes back to Greed saying that Winry was his kind of woman, with Ed saying that kind of wanting is dangerous. And even goes back to a post I made based on the light novels, in which Ed thinks about his reasoning for putting Winry at a distance is because he is afraid he would stop his research to stay with her and Pinako.

Throughout the series, we see Edward thinking of family, seeing symbols of it, and believing that Al was the only family he had. It's not until after Ed and Al meet the Fuherer's family that we see a change. Bradley says that even he has a family waiting for him, which is quite different from Ed's own. Now, Ed immediately thinks of Winry and Pinako also.

In conclusion to all this, Edward loves family more than anything and is quite greedy when it comes to wanting to protect them and keep them. Edward finally acknowledges that Winry is family to him and he reacts violently at the thought of her being threatened. His greed to keep her (and others) safe has led him to get critically injured, but it also keeps him strong.

Winry is his Truth, because she made him realize that he doesn't need to be on his own and there is a hope for him to have a new family in the future, but because of his desire to keep all of this, she is also his Greed.

Note: If anyone thinks I'm wrong, or has a different opinion, I would love to hear them! And this goes for any analysis I make. I'd love to hear you're thoughts.