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freckledmountain · 3 years

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Lulling comfort

By @freckledmountain for @romeoandjulietyouwish

Rating: Gen

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark

Summary:

"Music had gotten an entirely new meaning after that, from Disney songs to musicals to classic rock, and everything else in between. … He´d do anything to listen to Peter sing to them again."

Or, an AU where you hear whatever your platonic soulmate sings or hums! :D

For the @friendly-neighborhood-exchange

Read on Ao3

Chapter 1: Change

Some-

BODY ONCE TOLD ME

the WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME

I AIN´T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE sHE-ED

Peter´s endearing screech and dramatics at the starting notes startles a fond laugh out of Tony, making DUM-E beep in curious surprise.

The bot has a screwdriver in his grasp and usually Tony´d chastise him for grabbing tools without permission (he has not forgotten the last lab incident, thank you) but right now he´s much too preoccupied resisting the urge to join in the kid´s slumber party via his own singing.

God bless karaoke.

Peter had looked sheepish when he´d mentioned it to him, the little get-together his scary girlfriend and Ned had planned this weekend at the latter´s place after a ridiculously long week of exams. Tony had absolutely no problem listening to his kid´s voice in his head, but it was still sweet of Peter to ask beforehand.

“You know I work best with music anyway.” He´d said, remembering all the times he´d listened to Peter perform dramatically to songs on the radio.

Peter´d hunched his shoulders a bit, smiling. “Yeah, okay, okay, I just wanted to make sure because Ned might ask me to duet to Take on me again, and last time I sang it you were on a meeting and FRIDAY sent me that video of you mouthing the words and Ms. Potts looked like the disappointed dad from that Shawn Mendes vine- “

…even if he had no idea what the kid was talking about sometimes.

He´d gasped and placed a hand to his chest, feigning offence. “Have you forgotten the time you had Call me maybe on loopin my head for an entire day?”

“…It was a dare?”

“Hmm” he´d said, raising an eyebrow playfully as Peter dissolved into laughter. “whatever you say, bud.”

His smile softens unconsciously at the memory as he methodically tweaks a few things in his nanotech suit, still listening to Peter belt out lyrics in his head. Truth be told, he misses the kid working alongside him like usual, but he knows how important spending time with his friends is to Peter.

(The parenting books say it´s imperative too, although of course he hasn´t ever read, purchased five on a whim or fret over anything of the sort. Obviously.)

He hopes Ned and Michelle´s respective other halves don´t mind the kids crooning 80´s rock on a Friday evening, but he guesses if they´re anything like them, they probably won´t complain. Soulmates are cool like that.

He remembers all the times Rhodey had told him about his soulmate´s voice inside his own head, how he´d suddenly perk up and grin at whatever melody he could hear, how he´d start humming randomly to join in.

Tony had grown up hearing nothing but his own treacherous thoughts for the longest time, almost losing hope completely at the possibility of having a soulmate right up until adulthood. Heavy metal music blasted over his speakers constantly whenever he was busy in his workshop, but he never joined in. There were moments when he´d thought his love for singing would be soured forever, since apparently the universe or whoever was in charge didn´t have a problem leaving him without someone out there to share it with him in his head.

Thankfully, he always did have Rhodey, and boycould he kick-start the fun in singing again with his flawless Mariah Carey impressions. He´d loved the few times he´d heard Pepper sing too, and there´d even been one memorable instance where he´d surprised Happy vocalizing in an unexpectedly pleasant lilt.

Hearing Peter sing though...simply put, there was nothing else like it.

-and we could aLL use a little changeeeeeeeEEE

…Yes, nothing was quite like it.

Tony shakes his head, smiling, and grabs his phone to text May about the kid´s shenanigans. She´d been more than a little concerned when Peter and him had figured out who the other was, (that was one heck of a superhero fundraiser) but now they´ve become much closer, and Tony can genuinely say they´re friends. He´s glad to have her on his side, because May Parker is, in Peter terms, a very kind powerhouse, and not someone he´d like to mess with.

He´s about to press send when the lights in the room flash red.

Tony´s up and summoning his gauntlet attentively in a second, right as FRIDAY pulls up screens around him, showing footage of the emergency.

“What am I looking at, FRI?”

“Around 30 heavily armed machines have emerged in Midtown Manhattan, boss.” She responds, as the room fills with projections. The robots on screen are huge and ugly as heck, about the width and height of three school buses together. They´re making their way through the streets surprisingly quickly for how heavy they look. People run away, steering clear of their illuminated blasts. “They appear to be releasing high frequency blasts approximately every ten seconds. Local police have just arrived at the scene and are requesting backup, since the blasts are causing structural damage to the surrounding buildings. The source of these machines is unknown.”

“Tell the team to suit up and meet me there.”

“They have already been alerted, boss, but I´ll relay your message as well.”

The rest of his suit materializes around him, and he makes haste to get to the nearest window, half worried and half downright annoyed at whoever was behind this.

“Another one for the robot bingo card on means of world domination.” He says to himself, unimpressed. Just one week without this crap…

He soars above the sky nonetheless, blasting his way towards the fight.

Please stay put kid, he wishes, even as the singing stops.

---

Three blocks.

He´s three blocks away from where Peter is making his way back when it happens.

As big and fast as the robots are, Tony can tell they weren´t exactly made by the finest of the loons who regularly try to take over New York. Not to mention they´re absolutely appalling to look at, whoever designed these things had absolutely no taste, Tony thinks, crushing his twenty-second bot with the suit´s repulsors. It hasn´t exactly been easy, since the wretched machines have no real apparent motive but to blow up everything in their path, but within an hour it seems they´re done with the worst of it.

He can see Nat and Wanda dealing with the remains of one of the last ones below, while a little way away Cap´s talking with a few cops, scoping out the damage. Even though the air is permeated with smoke and there´s rubble in some places, there are no casualties, and they´ve thankfully emptied out the buildings that got wrecked. SHIELD will take care of the rest.

He flies over the skyscrapers, keeping an eye out for any other bots, but it seems like FRIDAY´s finished identifying all of them. He activates a private line on the comms to talk to Peter.

“Done securing the area from whatever that disastrous colour scheme was?”

He can hear Peter´s good-natured groan as his location pops up on Tony´s screen, six blocks away.

“I know, right? I can wear mismatched socks for a week and rock them no problem, but blue with like, eye-melting neon? Yikes.”

“Exactamundo. Couldn´t agree with you more, kid. But hey, it looks like you might actually be able to get back to your sleepover after all. Can´t wait to hear what alarming chorus is going to keep me up until midnight.”

“Oh you just wait, we´re doing ABBA next and it´s gonna be so-“

FRIDAY tears through the conversation with an alarm, but it´s precious seconds too late.

A gasp. An abrupt thud resounding through the comms. A scream. Peter´s.

Tony´s blood freezes in his veins.

“Peter? Peter!?”

He gets there in less than a minute and sees one of the bots with its blaster pointed at Peter, still smoking from the shot.

He obliterates it without a second thought, his mind swirling with fear and rejection at FRIDAY´s next words as he runs towards Spiderman´s crumbled figure.

“No heartbeat detected, boss”.

Chapter 2

The first time he´d ever heard Peter´s voice, he´d been running on three hours of sleep, a frankly heart-attack inducing dose of caffeine, and no motivation whatsoever to sit down with stuffy board members for five hours.

It didn´t exactly come as a surprise that for the first few milliseconds of the “Itsy bitsy spider” chant in his head he´d thought, confusingly, that it might just have been his mind finally resorting to the resurface of old nursery rhymes as a way to tell him to go the frick to sleep.

His heart however, was another matter.

As ridiculous and improbable as it sounded, a new something in his chest rose even before he knew what was happening. He might not have been a machine, but something slowly and irrevocably clicked into place the more he heard that gentle voice go on about water spouts and suns.

He´d stopped short in realization. Blinked.

And then smiled wide enough to lose himself in the mirth of it.

He´d run back to his workshop right after that, laughing like mad with the absolute mayhem of emotions coursing through his whole being, almost crashing into Pepper in the process. She´d looked back at him in concern, questions already forming in her lips, before Tony had frantically mimed at her to keep quiet, wanting to listen to the soft voice´s final notes.

Once the song finished, Tony may or may not have let out a loud shriek of sheer joy and told an increasingly delighted Pepper all about it, practically bursting with excitement.

“Pep! Wait, what do I do now!? Do I- Do I sing it back to him? Do I sing another- crap I don´t even know any children´s songs, JARVIS, JARVIS!”

In the end he´d had to phone Rhodey to yell the news ecstatically to him, because he´d just found maybe the universe hadn´t wanted to screw him over after all, and he felt like screaming it from the rooftops. The little voice was sweet and shy and boyish and happy, and about the best thing Tony had heard in his damn life. He couldn´t have contained himself if he´d tried, and heck if he was going to any time soon.

(“Tones, what- “

“Rhodey!”

“…was that you or a screech owl.”

“It happened! There´s- a little kid! Somewhere! Spiders! My soulmate!”

“The- wait what-? “)

Music had gotten an entirely new meaning after that, from Disney songs to musicals to classic rock, and everything else in between.

…

He´d do anything to listen to Peter sing to them again.

Burning.

He´s burning all over.

Screaming in pain, he tries to escape from the scorching heat, but it´s everywhere, it´s everything, he´s the pain, he´s the fire, everything hurts-

And then as soon as it appears, the pain is gone.

He opens his eyes, blinking woozily.

“Oh, thank God.”

His vision blurs all over for a minute. There´s dampness in the corners, left over from tears.

Tears?

He makes an attempt to sit up, but there´s a hand holding his shoulder gently. He blinks again.

Tries to decipher his surroundings.

He´s laying down in a mostly deserted, grubby looking street. A figure kneels close to him, some sort of red and gold robot type thing. He narrows his eyes at it, trying to figure out why it feels so familiar…but finds, to a detached kind of surprise, that he can´t.

He has no idea what happened.

The robot seems to be very relieved for some reason, just staring up at the sky for a couple of seconds, taking a deep, wheezy breath.

Even with his head feeling like wet cotton, he looks at him with concern. The robot sounds seconds away from fainting. Is he…alright?

When the robot´s face opens and a man´s head peeps out (cool!), he almost jumps back in surprise.

And then…

Well. He still doesn´t have a clue who this person is, but as soon as he sees the man´s expression of utter joy and relief, something inside him settles. Safe.

He blinks in confusion at the feeling. He knows this person. He does.

But who is he?

“Pete? You´re back bud. Do you feel okay?” The man´s (man? robot? man-robot? cyborg? figment of his imagination?) smile fades slightly, looking at him in worry. “FRIDAY” Friday? Who on earth is he talking to? “didn´t you say the CPR made his vitals-“

“I´m- I´m fine” he says, because enormous confusion aside, he is. Maybe his head is scrambled, and he feels exhausted, but he has a feeling he´s been in worse shape before.

A feeling.

The man (he´s decided on man) starts going on about robots, and getting him to a tower with someone called Dr. Cho, but all he can do is blink back, his confusion increasing.

“I´m really sorry” he interrupts, knowing he´s probably going to disappoint the man, but needing to push forward even so, “who- who are you? Are you-? “

He tries to put a word on the feeling seeing the man´s face had evoked in him before, tries to remember who he is or what he has to do with the man or why he feels so…safe. So safe. With him there, even with all the questions going round and round inside his head.

“Are you my dad?”

The man´s face stills. For a second, it looks like his brain short-circuits.

Mood, a thought rings out in his head, unbidden.

That´s when he hears it.

A huge metallic…thing coming through the street towards them, and he doesn´t know why but it makes his heart thump like a rabbit´s in a cage, and suddenly he gets a flash of remembering pain, and he knows these machines, these machines are dangerous, and what if the man gets hurt too-

He pushes the man behind him as he desperately tries to look for somewhere they can hide-

-but the man grabs his hand first and hurries them both towards the sturdiest-looking car on the street, crouching so they´re out of sight.

“Uh, alright. I- this must be really weird for you, but it´ll be okay. Just stay here for now, ´kay? I´ll- We´ll figure this out. You with me?” The man holds his gaze for a second, and it´s so sincere, he finds himself nodding.

The man smiles. “Okay. Give me a sec.” And then he gets up and turns towards the robot.

What the-what´s he doing!?

He reaches out clumsily to drag him back, but the man´s face gets obscured by his robot mask once more and he…

Flies?

The frick? He thinks in bewilderment, as he sees the man lift off and attack the robot with blasts coming from his hands. My maybe-dad can fly!?

Either he lives in a sci-fi novel, or he´s going absolutely nuts.

Could be both at this point, frankly.

The whiz of gold and red fighting the robot is almost quicker than his sight can keep up with, but he persists, looking out anxiously for any opening the robot might have to take the man down so he can try to warn him about it. There is none though, the robot might be exceedingly fast, but the man remains unyielding. He takes another look at the giant machine and sees it´s blaster-

And then it´s like someone takes his brain and shakes it around everywhere, and the throbbing is so sudden he kneels and clutches his head tightly to keep it from falling apart. His thoughts feel shattered and tampered with, and the pain-

He cries out in agony, and tears fill his eyes again.

The man! I have to look out for him!

He tries to listen to the fight again, but just as he tries to focus in on it it´s like a tsunami of yells and police sirens and voices washes over him, and noise, why is there so much noise-

Overwhelmed, he kneels until his forehead touches the grainy concrete, and wishes he would just pass out.

He doesn´t, though.

Among the oversaturated ocean of noise, one adds to the mix.

Except this one isn´t grating. This one doesn´t make everything seem like too much.

Because it feels like it´s coming from within himself.

He´s at a loss for what´s happening, but the voice slowly and lightly blocks out all the other noise, grounding him in a gentle tune. In a flash, he recognizes the song. He knows where he heard it last.

Mr Stark.

And he remembers.

“Kid? What are you doing up?”

He shrugs, sinking deeper into the couch cushions. Baby Tarzan laughs onscreen.

He half expects Mr Stark to push him for more details, but he seems to understand Peter´s not in a talking mood and walks up to him solemnly.

“Scoot.”

He does, and Mr Stark plops down next to him, wordlessly extending his arms out in invitation. Peter falls into the hug gratefully and sighs. Exhaustion pulls down on his bones, but he´d rather not get back to the nightmare he woke up from. Mr Stark snorts softly at something in the movie, and then they both jump a bit at the sudden loud gorilla roar. They keep watching the movie, and Peter´s curls are brushed back gently in a soothing motion.

He wants to sleep. But he can´t.

But he´s safe here, isn´t he?

His chest grows heavier as he thinks of the dream, and when he blinks, his eyelids dampen. He hasn´t shed a tear yet, but Mr Stark must sense something again because his hand at Peter´s hair stills.

And then he starts singing.

It´s a lulling comfort, and Peter melts into the embrace, allowing his tired eyes some rest.

He´s safe.

Come stop your crying

It will be alright

Just take my hand

Hold it tight

I will protect you

From all around you

I will be here

Don't you cry

He´s safe.

With a final shot from Iron man´s repulsors, the robot powers down, and Peter runs out to meet Mr Stark, almost crushing his ribs in a hug.

“Woah, woah!” The helmet´s visor pulls up, revealing a grinning Tony. “Did that actually work? FRIDAY told me you were freaking out and I thought it might help calm you down.” He says, hugging him back. “But it did more than that, didn´t it?”

Peter´s too relieved to do anything but nod happily into his shoulder, but he gets the point across.

They stay there for a full minute, just holding on to each other. Until Tony grumbles out a “and I can´t believe you remembered Phil Collins before Iron man, seriously.” and Peter bursts out laughing, lightening the mood.

“The man didn´t sing that soundtrack in five languages for nothing, Mr Stark. It slaps.”

Tony hides his smile in Peter´s curls, and hugs him close.

#Writing #The friendly neighborhood exchange #WHOOO #irondad and spiderson #I love them #platonic soulmates

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ashtonsunshine · 4 years

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CALM - Album analysis and review

This album tells us a story that we are invited to navigate through as we listen to it. A story that is divided in three chapters that encapsulate heartache, self-growth and love, all intertwined together. The tracks don’t tell the story in order but it is there for anyone who’s willing to listen to it.

Chapter I

Easier

They were both trapped in the relationship, and no matter where or to whom they turned, they always ended up together again.

He feels guilty and knows that she’s guilty too, but he couldn't find the strength in himself to do something about it. The inaction is the thing that was keeping him in that limbo. And he also knew that she didn't want anything to change because she was the one with all the power and she wasn't willing to give it up.

But he is now capable of seeing that it was never meant to last.

You can read more about it here.

Not In The Same Way

Here we have the picture of the never-ending toxic cycles his past relationship was.

She held all the power with her contradicting actions and her sharp words. She was the hurricane that was destroying his life, but he was also to blame, because he was incapable of saying no or taking action in the power play that that relationship was, and instead he kept lying and letting her do whatever she wanted.

He is now capable of realising that they were only good to each other at night and that everything was blurred in the morning, and that that isn’t the way he wants to live or the way love is supposed to be.

Thin White Lies

The realisation that the love is over and that after everything that happened, he is left alone with all the lies they both told and the emptiness it all brought.

He looks himself in the mirror but he can’t recognise himself anymore. He’s disappearing right in front of his eyes. It hurts not knowing who he is and who he has become, and it hurts not being able to escape her and all the heartbreak she inflicts.

The silence is too much to bare at night when the loneliness hits so he keeps going back to her for some kind of comfort, because it’s easier to live among all the lies than it is to face the painful reality and move on.

High

He finally decided to take a stance and end the relationship.

He decided to do the best for him and let it go, and the only thing he can now hope for is that the image she has of him isn’t a distorted one; he can only hope that she remembers him in a good light even though the image she has of him isn’t who he truly his and that he can never be that person.

All the good memories they had together will always stay with him but after facing himself in the mirror he realised that he needs something more than just scarce memories of nightly encounters and blurred mornings. He needs someone who’s there for him at all times of the day and she couldn’t give him that. He learnt that when it comes to love, he needs to be cautious and take it one step at a time, instead of simply diving right in.

It was time to change and be someone better. It was time for him to move on and find someone who is respectful enough to let him try being himself.

Chapter II

Red Desert

It’s the realisation that he needs to just let it all go and find a new life: a better one, a hopeful one. He needs to wake up, leave his demons and fears behind, trust himself and go and be free.

It’s a re-connection with the roots of what makes him happy and himself, with what’s important and makes him feel good, so he can recover from everything he went through.

By doing so, he can get in touch with who he was before all of it.

No Shame

After stumbling through life, he can now look back and be critical about his actions.

Everything he did had an effect on his personal and public life and, here, he dives deep into the way society works and its obsession with fame and how that can be impactful on someone who lives in the public eye.

He had to give himself away to survive in this environment and it's time to do something to change that.

You can read more about it here.

Old Me

It's an appreciation of what the past can give to the future. After his introspection, he realised that his past mistakes are what makes him who he is now.

He can now see that the rocky night life he lived was detrimental and that everyone around him was worried about him, and now every time he looks at himself, he is reminded of everything they did for him and how much they had to give of themselves to help him out.

Ultimately, he paid the price for his mistakes and it is now time to rise up and build a better version of himself.

Chapter III

Wildflower

This is the beginning of a new relationship.

The ecstasy runs high and the only thing he’s able to think about is her: how she looks, how she sounds, how she tastes, how she feels. His world revolves around her and how she is the only one who can make him feel this way.

Everything is wonderful, but despiste being his favourite fantasy, she’s also a fatal love song, so he needs to be careful.

You can read more about it here.

Teeth

The permanent discovery of who he is and who she is is confusing and, mixed with miscommunication, it creates an environment where fights can ensue. They fight and make up, and fight and make up again, but they still want to make it work.

All the pain that came from the fights doesn’t beat the willingness to be open towards each other. They are confused and hurt but they aren’t dead yet, so they keep on fighting through the doubt and fear, pursuing a relationship that, deep down, they know will work.

You can read more about it here.

Lonely Heart

He now knows that he found someone who he can connect with emotionally, someone who thinks like him, someone who he is willing to be with forever.

However, things aren’t always black and white and his actions hurt her. He can’t bare to watch her heart break due to all the fights so he lets her go, because if he truly loves her he has to let her go.

He knows that loneliness is something that both of them know well and, although he knows he’s doing the right thing, he still can’t bare it. He can’t sleep, thinking about her. He wants a second chance to make things right.

Lover Of Mine

After she left, he realised that he made a mistake by letting her go and this is him saying he loves her and wants her back. His mind is chaos and all the lies he lived through still haunt him and that will take some time to heal, but he regrets letting her go.

He's seen her rage and he’s seen her sadness; he’s been down with her in the depths of her mind. He knows who she is and being with her, being able to love her, is something he won’t regret. He knows she’s hurt and the tears he’s seen her cry because of his actions are the reflection of that, but he wants them both to burn down all their bad memories and start again.

He knows this new love he has found is right and, out of all of the mistakes he’s made in his life, letting her go is one he won’t repeat, because she’s the one.

Best Years

He’s owning up to all the wrongs he did while with her and accepting that, after everything he’s done, she has all the rights to not want to be back with him.

This is him saying that even though he’s still healing from the past heartbreak, he’s willing to work on himself to be able to love her the way she deserves to be loved. His last relationship, which was a love that burnt fast like cigarettes do, is to be put in the past and he’s now ready to focus on her and give back all the love she gave him when he was broken and lost and unable to love.

He’s making a promise to her that he will be better, that he will mend all his wrongs and be a better man for her by taking care of her. He wants to grown up alongside her and she won't regret staying with him.

In conclusion, this album is a story of realisation, understanding, compassion to the self and growth.

It’s about looking at your past and forgiving yourself for whatever mistakes you made towards yourself and the ones around you; it’s about introspection and being able to look back and understand that it is possible to do better, to be better; it’s about moving on and growing up as people and as lovers.

CALM is an album that combines all of 5SOS’ personalities and music influences: heavy guitars, excellent harmonies, heartfelt drums, and deep baselines. They are all coming together to make the 5SOS sound.

They managed to build a body of work that not only tells a story but also makes us appreciate the heavier and lighter sides of their music. The fact that they are able to combine all their tastes so well and come on the other side with an impressive and cohesive album, both lyric and music-wise, is commendable.

I feel like I should also address the Live From The Vault tracks. These are only proof that 5SOS are able to not only produce great studio tracks but also have the knowledge and creativity to turn them into a full live experience that showcases further who they are as a band and where they stand in the music panorama.

CALM truly is 5SOS personified and a step further into who they are as musicians and as people.

Tag list: @darnling-i-fancy-you @talksopretty @zokneszto @suchalonelyheart @calmvinyls @justjessa03 @smrttrtl

I'm going tag other people too: @kindahoping4forever @pxrxmoore @cashtonasfuck @sexgodashton @irwinkitten @ghost0fy0u @asht0ns-world @wildflowerirwin @tothemoonmikey @goth5sos @talkfastromance4 @wastethen8 @hey-its-grey @ladyknight1512 @bloodmoonashton @wonderland-irwin @feliznavidaddycal

#carmo says things #5sos #ashton irwin #calum hood #luke hemmings #michael clifford #CALM #CALM analysis

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inspirationdivine · 4 years

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Blank Space || Todd and Lydia

Timing: Current Parties: @itsyaboytodd @inspirationdivine Summary: Oh Anna, if only there was somebody out there who loved you... Warnings: Emotional abuse, domestic abuse, drug manipulation (leanan sidhe kiss)

There were a dozen reasons why Remmy leaving was devastating, but it made one single task easier. Lydia had spent hours dwelling on the bad, not enough considering the delay it had brought into other parts of her life. Now, it was time. Lydia reapplied her ruby red lipstick, and pulled on her glamour, although Todd would see through it as he had the last few times they met. At the center of her chest, she was starting to feel him. Like a little bud, showing its first leaves, he would grow inside her from each meal she had from here on out, his emotions fogging up her own. Better than Chloe’s, Lydia hoped. Lydia looked at the text she’d sent him. Can you please cancel your plans for today? I need to see you. Like a good little human, he had. She climbed out of the car with a smile. “Todd! Oh gosh, you have no idea how much this means to me! I’ve just had such a difficult week, I’m so glad you’re here!” She wrapped her arms around him as if she meant it, and immediately took his hand in hers. After today, Lydia wasn’t going to let go.

Todd smoothed his hands over his shirt, making sure that it looked nice and neat. He wanted to look his best for Lydia-- he alway did! But, like, she’d been the only thing on his mind lately. After their last date, he’d been up all night, his mind just playing the date over and over again, his entire body practically radiating with excited energy. His mind kept going back to the kiss, to that perfect kiss. He’d been mixing for days after, the beats coming so much smoother, the melody of songs clicking together like effortlessly matched puzzle pieces. The bass, the kick, the build up to the awesome, absolute banger of a drop? His latest song, he wanted to show it to her. When he caught sight of Lydia stepping out of the car, she looked absolutely… amazing. So fucking amazing. How did he get so lucky? “Of course! I’m glad that I could help, I’m sorry that you’ve had a bad week, that sucks.” As she took his hand, he could feel his pulse speed up, stomach flip flopping with nerves but also excitement. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Oh, this sweet innocent pea. Lydia smiled at his carefully chosen attire. He was completely under, wasn’t he? He could see right through her now, which was always a mildly concerning proposition, but apparently even on second viewing he was completely overwhelmed with her. She quickly raised his hand so she could press a quick kiss to the back of his palm, a seemingly casual show of affection, but really a re-enforcement of his good behaviour. “Can we just go for a walk?” Lydia asked. “I just… really want the company. I want to hear about good things. How are you?”

Todd couldn’t take his eyes off Lydia as she took his hand, a slight shiver running down his spine as she pressed her lips to his hand. She was well, she wasn’t like other ladies he’d dated, for sure. Not only was there the whole, like, luminous skin, pointy ears, all that stuff, but she was the only one who’d ever really… liked him for who he was and supported his dreams. “We can definitely do that.” He said with an enthusiastic nod, holding out his arm for her, because he’d seen a dude do it in a movie once. It was, like, the polite thing to do for a classy lady, right? “Good things-- I posted a new song on soundcloud and it got a LOT of traction. Like, way more than I expected.” He said with a slightly flustered laugh, “And I think I might have a new gig coming up? I sent a guy my tracks and he’s gonna let me know, but I think I’ve got a shot.”

Lydia smiled brightly as she tucked her hand in his arm, falling in step beside him as they walked seemingly randomly, but Lydia was slowly steering him towards Harris island. She listened attentively, looking up at him as he talked. All his wonderful progress would have to be dismantled, of course, the existence of DJ Dayze carefully erased from the internet over time. Right now, though, she wasn’t about to curb that enthusiasm. Let him feel inspired. It would make everything so much easier, so much more comfortable. “Oh, I’d love to hear it!” Lydia exclaimed, grinning up at him. “I’m so happy for you, you deserve so many good things.”

Cheeks reddening, Todd walked alongside Lydia, only too happy to follow where she led him. He wasn’t super sure where they were going, but he wasn’t exactly an outdoorsy kinda guy. White Crest was cool because there were parties and bars with sick setups for him to play at, not because of the trees or whatever. “It’s honestly a ba-- really sick song,” Todd said, deciding mid-word that “a banger” wasn’t exactly how he wanted to describe his music to someone like Lydia. “Thanks! I… Yeah, I do.” He said with a sheepish grin. It felt a little weird to say, but Lydia was right. He’d worked hard for what he’d accomplished. And sure, it wasn’t much right now. But it would be.

“You do,” Lydia agreed. “It’s just such a shame your friends can’t see it.” He would be less likely to disagree with her now, but even if he did, all it would reveal is that she had extra work to do, extra things to fix as she brought him in. His sound studio wasn’t even entirely finished, the fog had caused absurd delays in her construction, but she would figure it out. The sooner she could get him productive, the better. Of course, there was also the issue of getting Chloe back to being productive, and she hoped company and a new soul to talk to would draw her out of her… unfortunate funk. Lydia walked with him along the causeway, looking out to the ocean. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Sometimes I come along here just to enjoy how beautiful and peaceful it all is. Especially at sunset.”

At Lydia’s words, Todd’s forehead wrinkled in a slight frown. It wasn’t that they didn’t see how hard he worked, right? They were just busy… But, that was kinda the same thing, wasn’t it? They were just, so into their own lives, so busy doing their own cool, awesome real adult stuff that they couldn’t see that he was doing just as serious and awesome stuff too. Swallowing, he shrugged. “I’ll show them once I get my big break.” He said with a grin and a nod. He was going to be the best DJ in Maine, no, in the entire Northeast. And then, he was going to go nationwide. He was gonna show them all that DJ Dayze was the real deal. That he was the real deal. Glancing out at the sea, Todd took in the dark waves. “It really is. I’ve never spent much time out here.” He admitted, “But it’s really really pretty.”

“Absolutely,” Lydia agreed with a smile, but he would never get his big break, would he? She would get hers, but oh, he wouldn’t. “Are you more of an indoors, person, then?” That was good news, if so. Lydia still didn’t quite have them exactly where she wanted, but being down to one meal was horrifically monotonous, and frankly unhealthy for both of them. She needed to be back up to a full house, so the rest of the ground work would have to happen later. All the same, outdoorsy humans were a nightmare to keep in the house. They bounced off the walls, itched to go into the garden, which also wasn’t feasible with Remmy there, and were just harder upkeep. “I’m working on a painting at the moment, repairing it, that shows the Irish coast line. When I look at it, I think of home.”

With a rueful smile, Todd nodded. “Yeah, I’ve always liked chilling at home or like, going to movies or clubs than the outdoors. Like, outdoor sets are fun! But, I’ve never really been a great outdoors kinda dude, you know? I think it’s super pretty though!” He said quickly, just in case Lydia was like, a hiking kind of girl. He didn’t wanna make it sound like he’d hate it if she wanted to go spend the weekend in the outdoors or something. “Oh, that’s really cool.” He said, genuinely interested by that. He didn’t know much about Lydia, where she was from, or how long she’d lived in White Crest. “Have you lived here all your life? Or uh, are you from Ireland?”

“Oh, I get it. My brother is like that. Rather at a nightclub than a forest. Which I totally understand, I love both, the balance. But in my mind, Nature is the original artist, and we can only ever aspire to be as great as her.” Lydia paused, thinking of Sammy’s blood on the walls, how her first thought when his body had dropped to the floor was that the blood spatters had looked like a bouquet. She smiled, shaking away the thought. He had become irrelevant, Todd was the human that mattered now. “Sorry, I hardly meant to wax lyrical like that.” She wrapped her arm around his waist, holding him close. “I grew up in Argentina,” Lydia said. “And Peru. I’ve lived in Northern America most of my life, but my family has a special connection to Ireland. One way or another, it is always home. Then, I’ve only been here in White Crest for a year….Hey, my place isn’t far from here,” She started, as if it was an errant thought, rather than a carefully planned trap. “Do you want to come over for a bit?”

At the mention of a brother, Todd realized that he didn’t even realize that Lydia had siblings. He’d talked about his own siblings, with their careers working for his father, their lives as just three more cogs in the corporate machine. But, had he really never asked her about her own family? “For sure, for sure. I kinda think of music the same way? Like, there are so many cool sounds in nature. There’s music all around you, as long as you listen for it.” He said with a nod. As she apologized, he shook his head energetically. “No, no, I like hearing you talk about art.” He said with a grin. She’d always listened to him, he wanted to show her that he cared too. Because he did, even if he didn’t super get it. “Oh forre-- really? My family’s from Brazil, actually! I grew up in Boston, but I’ve been a couple times. Never been to Peru, though.” At her suggestion, Todd blinked, startled. She was inviting her back to hers? She’d never done that before. “Uh… Yeah! Yeah, that’d be really cool.” He said with a grin.

“I couldn’t agree more. The most joyous sounds of spring are the birds returning, in autumn, the gentle rustling of leaves underfoot.” Lydia laughed. “But those are perhaps not the noises that inspire your music.” Lydia pressed herself closer against his side, lighting up with a false excitement at his agreement. “Wonderful. You can tell me about your trips to Brazil as you go. I’ve been to Brasilia, but nowhere else, which is a horrific shame considering how much the country has to offer.” Lydia said, slowly ambling them along to her home. “I feel so much better just for having you with me, you know? You’re so… You make my life so much more vibrant. You fulfill part of me.” Specifically, her stomach, but she wasn’t about to mention that, not yet. This was all part of the game. First, she would express something loving, intense, what they wanted to hear, and then… Lydia shook her head, smiling in a self deprecating manner, looking like she might blush. “Sorry. I must sound so silly.” Let them tell you how much they wanted to hear it. Make it all seem more real, like you were as swept up by it all as they were.

Letting out a small laugh, Todd nodded. “Yeah, not quite the sounds I go after. But, like, you get what I mean.” He grinned as they continued to walk, arm in arm through the woods. The feeling of her body pressed against him sent his heartbeat racing. God, Lydia was… something else. Just being around her, he didn’t even know how to describe how she made him feel. It was like she was really seeing him, for who he was. “Brasilia, I’ve never been there. My family, we’re from São Paolo, so that’s usually where we went. I’ve been to Rio a few times too, mostly for Carnival with my cousins. Carnival is such a cool time.” He said, thinking back to the colorful costumes and amazing, wild nights he’d had. At her words, Todd felt the feeling in his chest swell, warmth washing over him. “No, no, it’s not silly at all. I, uh… I feel the same way. About you.” He said, a touch bashful.

“That sounds amazing,” Lydia said, leaning into him as she slowly meandered back to her home. Nearly at the end post. “I can only imagine. I mean, I know you’re the party type, so I can only imagine how much you loved Carnival.” Not that there would be any raves where they were going. He blushed, warming up under her words. Lydia’s smile wasn’t as bashful of his, but rather like someone who had drawn the perfect hand in poker, or someone who wanted you to believe they had. “I’m ever so glad to hear that,” she said, tracing small circles on the back of his hand with her thumb. “We’re here,” she breathed, walking them into the driveway of her mansion. She pulled out her keys, waving to O as she unlocked the door. “Well? What do you think?”

“It was just so awesome, being in the middle of it all. We were there for a week and it was the craziest thing I’ve ever done. I want to go again someday. It’s just such a cool time, cuz like, the entire city is just one massive party.” Todd said, thinking back to the crazy times he’d had in Rio. It had been so much fun, partying with his cousins, just bouncing from street party to party that spilled across the city. He’d loved every second of it. As they walked up to the massive house, Todd blinked in surprise. Not that he didn’t expect a mansion-- she had a private driver who picked him up whenever they went places, like, he didn’t not expect a mansion. But, seeing it for real? That was a different story. “Wow. This place is huge. It’s uh,” He nodded, still startled by the house. “It’s amazing. Really really pretty.” He said, not really knowing how else to describe the giant home. “You live here all by yourself? That sounds… kinda lonely.”

Everything was pristine. Lydia wanted it to be. A new start, for him and her both, was just what she needed to get her household under control. A Magritte hung on the wall with a dark wood polished to perfection. There was no evidence in the hall of that dreadful attack, the Bannister and door frame and floor all following and new. Upstairs, she already had new clothes in the dresser, new sheets on the bed. Sammy Metz was all but replaced. "You're ever so kind. I made this place somewhere I wanted to live and show off." She took him by the hand, tugging him into the living room so he could see the large French windows into her small garden. "No, not entirely by myself. Why, are you offering to keep me company?" Lydia murmured, wrapping her arms around his waist, smiling up at him. Even if he wanted to pull away, he couldn't. "You could belong here, you know, here with me. If that's what you want."

Still taking in the massive house, the art, the wooden banisters, Todd was in absolute awe. There was just something so distinctly Lydia about this place. It was elegant and pretty and polished in all the same ways she was. “Makes sense, it really looks like it. Like, that’s… a really cool painting. I feel like I’ve seen it in a museum somewhere.” He said, nodding to the painting on the wall. At her question, Todd felt his cheeks redden and he waved his hands apologetically, “I, uh, that’s not what I was getting at-- it’s just, it’s like this huge house, you know? It seems like it’d be really lonely to be in, that’s all.” He said, trying not to be too forward about the situation. But, Lydia didn’t seem to mind? At least, that’s not how it seemed, with her holding him tight and staring up at him. Swallowing, he looked at her, “Uh… are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to get in the way or anything.”

“You probably have. I was loaning it out to a museum for an exhibition for the last few years,” Lydia replied, grinning up to him. Why were all humans in their twenties so uncultured? Why couldn’t he name even that it was a Magritte? It was truly appalling that the best company in her home was a cat. He blushed, with every beat of his heart stepping closer into her trap. Without Remmy here, it was lonely, but Todd would hardly alleviate that, would he? “I’m sure. Are you? It has to be your choice. I don’t want to pressure you into anything.” The gesture was symbolic more than anything else, but the rituals of the old ways still needed to be followed. He had to say yes, even if her magic was part of the reason. She had him so thoroughly wrapped around her finger that he would have said yes, even without the kiss, but he still had to say it.

“Seriously? Wow, that’s ins--” Todd caught himself, he didn’t want to sound like a total loser, “Incredible. Like, really. That’s so cool that you have something like this. But, uh, I guess it makes sense, given your work.” He nodded, trying to hide how just out of his depth he was. He knew that Lydia worked with art, restoring them, but the specifics of it were all a bit of a mystery to him. As she continued to talk, Todd rubbed the back of his neck, trying to hide how her words made him feel. She was sure, she wanted him here. She knew how hard he worked for his music, she appreciated him. And she… wanted him. It felt nice, being wanted. “I, uh… If you’re sure, I’d like that. I’d like to, uh, live here with you. Together.” He said.

Lydia could not stand this small talk for one second longer. His talents far outweighed how interesting he was. She just smiled appreciatively, tucking her hair behind her should. “I like owning pretty things.” She was so ready to pull away from him to wash the human grime off her skin, and then when he spoke she had to stop herself stamping her feet in annoyance. I’d like and I will were just ever so grammatically too far apart. In spirit, they were the same. She just needed a little more, to ensnare him in her little red promise threads. Lydia pressed herself a little closer, grinning so much it hurt her cheeks, as if he had made her whole week. “Promise me you won’t leave me?” She murmured into his ear, sliding one hand around the back of his neck.

The way she was looking up at him, the way that she just seemed to see him, all of him, and care? Todd was smitten. He… wow, he really, really liked her. More than any other girl he’d dated, because she wasn’t like the other girls. There was more to her and he wanted to know it all. She cared so much about what he did, had supported him so much, and he wanted to be able to do the same for her. At her question, as she wrapped her hand around him, he could feel the warmth of her pressed against him. “I… I’d never leave you. Never.” He said, shaking his head at the idea. “I promise, I’ll be here for you.” He said, because it was true. In all the ways she’d been there for him, he wanted to be there for Lydia.

“Oh Todd…” Lydia smirked, running her fingers through a lock of his hair. “That was far too easy.” She dropped back down to her heels and stepped away, smoothing down her clothes. She chuckled, giddy on a successful hunt. It was almost good enough to heal the ache in her chest. Her face shifted, her affection mask dropped to one of indifference to him and pride in herself. It was a delicious feeling. “But then you never were the brightest spark. Chloe!” She called up the stairs, pursing her lips as Chloe slunk into view, staring at Todd with a sinking look of understanding. “Meet Todd. He’s the one the sound production studio is for.”

“Easy..?” Todd echoed, not sure what was going even as Lydia pulled away. What did she mean by that? What was going on? His eyebrows pinched together as he watched the way her face shifted, into an expression he’d never seen before. It was a completely different side of her. What? “Brightest spark-- I don’t understand. Who?” Head spinning in confusion, he looked up to where Lydia was speaking and saw a girl emerge from one of the doors, her face falling as she stared at him. It almost looked like she was… sad? Sad for him? What? “Sound production studio? What’s… what’s going on, Lydia?” He asked as he stared back and forth from the two women. “Who’s that?”

“How can I put this succinctly? Todd, you aren’t my dinner date, you’re my dinner,” Lydia gestured for Chloe to come downstairs. “Come on now, you can see I’m not human.” She gestured at her ears and her wings. “You’ve been able to see that for a while, there’s no denying it.” Since their first kiss, after all. “Chloe will take you through the details, I’m far too busy for all that, but now that you’ve promised to stay here, you won’t get to leave. I’ve already even picked out your new clothes.” She pat his cheek with a bright smile. “Smile, Todd. This is an honour. An honour where your brain and body collapses under my influence until I have consumed every part of your spirit in a few short years, but an honour nonetheless. You were the most talented of all the humans I hunted these last few months.” Lydia wondered what Remmy might have said, had they seen this. Would it have horrified them more or less than the basement, she wondered idly. She shoved the thought away before it could sour her mood further. “Chloe, darling, now.” She glared at the other woman, before looking back at Todd. “Of course, I expect your complete obedience, but don’t worry. I will reward good behaviour with the approval you desperately crave. Chloe! Speaking of, Todd, give me your phone, and any other communication devices you have on you. Now, please.” She held out her hand with an expectant smile.

Chloe stood frozen at the top of the stairs, staring down at the boy in the hall. He looked even younger than Sammy had, but she didn’t know if that was because he was, or because he looked so lost. No matter how much she willed herself to move, she couldn’t quite do it. Anneliese had done it for her, and for Sammy. She’d done it without flinching, with a soft smile and a kind hand as she explained in her soft voice the hell they had found themselves in. Chloe had resented her for it for months, and Anneliese had just smiled and accepted that as she smiled and accepted everything else. Like Anneliese had been playing the good jailor to Lydia’s bad jailor. Even as their friendship had grown, it had taken Chloe years to realise that that gentle warm flame had to be carefully cultivated and protected from every icy gust and flaring temper. Sammy hadn’t gotten angry at Anneliese at all, but he hadn’t processed anything for a week, until one night he’d collapsed in Anneliese’s arms in roaring sobs. She’d been strong as a willow tree then, and had held him as long as he needed. But now there was no Anneliese. There was no Sammy. Chloe would have to do this for Todd. She didn’t know if she could. Chloe swallowed as Lydia barked her name, and slowly forced herself down the stairs. She didn’t even look at Lydia, watching Todd to work out what he needed. Praying she could provide whatever that would be.

Still frozen in place, Todd stared at Lydia, not able to comprehend just what she was saying. Dinner… She was… He-- what? “What do you mean I can’t leave, I can just,” He said, starting to turn towards the door. But, even as he took the first few steps towards the door, he felt his stomach start to twist and turn. It started out as discomfort before shifting into full on pain as he tried to put his hand on the doorknob. His hand felt like needles, burning hot and searing, were being pushed into his skin as he gripped the door and he let out a cry before pulling his hand away. Looking down at his hand, Todd stared. It looked fine, there was nothing wrong with it. But, his stomach continued to writhe and the pain continued to grow and grow until he was dizzy from it all. Shaking his head, he reeled away from the door. “What’s… what did you do to me?” He asked Lydia, not understanding what was going on. “My phone? I… Why?” He asked.

Lydia rolled her eyes, pursing her lips as he made to move for the door. She didn’t move, she didn’t have to, as the invisible chains tying him to this house made themselves ever so clear. Humans were so repetitive, really. Every hunt was a carefully choreographed dance, and Lydia always knew what her prey’s next step would be. “I made you mine. Isn’t that what you wanted?” Her smile was sharp and icy, lips closed, so that he knew her patience was wearing thin. “Because you won’t need it anymore. God, you are slow. I don’t have all day, you really don’t want to provoke my ire.” Lydia clicked her fingers impatiently, before opening her hand for his phone again.

God, she had faced so much of Lydia’s rage and grief recently. Was it terrible to be the tiniest grateful there would be someone else to share it with her? It was, Chloe decided immediately, looking at the confusion and hurt in his eyes. Lydia had been hunting him for so long, now. “Todd, please- please just give it to her.” Chloe hated saying it, the words sickening her mouth. It felt like a betrayal. But Chloe hadn’t insisted the Sammy let go of his plans with Ariana, and- her stomach lurched. “Please.” Her voice cracked.

“Made me yours?” Todd shook his head, clutching at his stomach. He felt sick, he felt like his body was going to collapse in on himself as he tried to fight through the feeling. She didn’t, she didn’t control him. He wasn’t hers. Not like that. He cared about her, he-- God, he thought he loved her. But this, it wasn’t love. It was all an act. “You don’t… I thought you cared about me.” He said, bitterness and fear leaking into his voice. “My friends, they’ll know something’s up if you take my phone. They’ll figure it out.” Todd said, pleading. Hoping that it would work. He could only hope that it was true. But, would any of his friends notice? Would any of them care?

Looking at the other woman, he stared at her with wide eyes. “Chloe-- who are you? Why are you listening her?” He asked, though a creeping feeling grew in his stomach, overwhelming the sense of pain. The feeling was dread, was fear. Fear that she was exactly like him. Trapped. A hostage. A prisoner.

How many people had Anneliese done this for? Six, seven humans, who had walked in here looking for love, attention, fame, and had not walked out ever again. Todd looked at her with a slow realisation that cracked open Chloe’s heart and splintered her soul. How Anneliese had done this more than once was beyond her. She tried to smile, but it felt more like a gash across her lips. “It’s o- I’ll help you, okay? I’ll explain everything.” But she didn’t dare go closer, not while Lydia glared daggers at him. When it came to her own instincts and the magical desire to please Lydia, the latter would always win.

Lydia’s voice had no such kindness in them. “I think you have excessive faith in your friends. You certainly have excessive faith in my patience. You’ve barely been here five minutes, and you’re already a disappointment. I really expected better of you, Todd.” He’d succumb. They all did, in the end. And once he got a taste of how good obeying could be, she wouldn’t have to deal with this again. Especially once he succumbed to the promises she would ask him to make.

Eyes darting between Chloe and Lydia, Todd felt the fear grow and claw in the pit of his stomach. Chloe was going to help him? Could he even trust her? But, he didn’t see how he had any choice in the matter, not anymore. Looking back at the door, the motion sent a fresh wave pain shooting through his body and Todd let out a whimper of pain. He did his best to hide the way it hurt, the way all of this hurt. Not just on a physical level but… he’d thought that Lydia had cared about him. He thought she’d loved him. How had this happened? With a reluctant expression on his face, Todd pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Lydia. “That’s all I have. I don’t… Please. Why are you doing this?” He asked, still trying to wrap his head around it all.

“There. Oh, Todd, you’ve made me ever so happy. I knew you would do the right thing.” Lydia pulled a face at his lock screen before turning the phone off altogether. Then she looked up at him and smiled, stretching on her toes to kiss his cheek, knowing with a precise cruelty how much he would crave her acceptance. It was like giving a starving man a Christmas roast. “Because I need to eat. There are worse places to be. Honestly, Todd, you would have inevitably been eaten by a zombie or something in the next few years anyway, torn limb from limb in some terribly disturbing way. Here, you get all your own space, your own sound production studio, you’ll spend the rest of your short life in the lap of luxury, if you behave.” Lydia gestured Chloe over, who paused just short of putting a hand on Todd’s shoulder. “I’m not particularly interested in answering all your questions or dealing with… this, so I am leaving you in Chloe’s hands. I still have to get the singer, and then deal with your social media presences. It is ever such an inconvenience how much all modern artists self-advertise these days.” Lydia looked to Chloe sharply. “Sammy’s old bed is already made up. Show Todd around, and make sure that by the time I’m back, he is ready to make the rest of his promises. I don’t want to deal with this behaviour again, am I understood? You’ll be good for me, won’t you, Todd?”

The relief, the strange easing sense of calm that washed over him at her words, Todd couldn’t understand it. But, it felt so good, knowing that she was happy with him. He wanted her to be happy, that was… no, it wasn’t all he wanted. He wanted to leave this place, he wanted to run away as fast as he could. But, it felt so good, so right, knowing that he’d done well by Lydia. It just didn’t make sense, it didn’t. He hated this, but he loved her, hated what she’d done, but couldn’t help the way he just wanted to please her. What was happening? Barely able to focus on her words, Todd nodded dumbly, still in a state of shock. What was she talking about? Need to eat? Zombies? What? No, those things were just like… horror movie gimmicks. They weren’t real. But, her question jolted him out of his daze and he blinked. “I… I want to.” He said because, as much as it pained him to admit it, the words were the truth. Even though every inch of him screamed no, he still wanted to be good for her, to make Lydia happy. Why? Why was this happening?

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Lydia pat his cheek twice, with another rewarding smile. Beyond that, this wasn’t her problem right now. She pulled out her own phone, texting her next treat as she turned away.

He looked like someone had wacked the back of his head with a pan. What had Anneliese even said to her, the first time? Had she made her a cup of coffee? Hot cocoa? Had she shown Chloe the shared upstairs bedroom, their own private bathroom and kitchenette area? Chloe remembered learning about these things, but it was all stilted, as torn up as she had been when she’d realised her escape had been impossible. The bed had been good; Chloe had just sank into the mattress and pulled the duvet over her own head until the world had melted away in her own tears. Was that- was that what Todd needed right now? She tried touching his shoulder, as if that might snap him out of his daze, and opened her mouth only to close it, the words dying in her mouth. Lydia seemed unperturbed by her flustered silence, switching out her coat for a more distinguished, autumnal look. Like a whirlwind, Lydia was back out of the door, leaving them both in the synthetic cold of her absence. “We’re not supposed to linger in the hallway.” Even to Chloe, she sounded hollow.

The moment Lydia had left, Todd had assumed he would feel some kind of relief. That he would feel glad that she was gone. But, instead, the same kind of aching yearning that had filled him since that date, when she’d pressed her lips to his and everything had changed. Bitterly, he shook his head, running his hands through his hair. “Why’s this happening to me? I... I thought she cared about me.” He muttered, tears starting to prickle at the corner of his eyes. Todd swiped at his face with the back of his hand. He didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want to just stand here and cry in front of a total stranger. Sucking in a deep breath, he nodded. “Yeah, sure.” He said, “I’m sorry.” Todd mumbled, miserably. He wasn’t sure why he was apologizing, only that it felt like the right thing to say. After all, she was stuck here too, right?

“It’s not your fault. It’s not-” Chloe choked on her own words, because how could she tell him right now that Lydia did? In her own monstrous way, she cared, because she felt what they felt. She would hear their dying thoughts, strip them of all their privacy, and perhaps that was the only reason she cared, but she did. She chose the victims she could most tolerate being around, and that was as much as Lydia could care for any human. But it was no reassurance that the monster in the would destroy them with affection. “Don’t apologise to me. You’re going to be doing it so often anyway.” She was still rooted to the spot. “Uh, shit. Um. I’ll, uh, I can show you the bedroom? We can, uh, talk or you can have some time. We have to talk, before she gets back, but if you need a minute- I-” How had Anneliese done this? Chloe ran her hand through her hair. “Shit. Let’s go upstairs.”

Feeling numb, Todd nodded at the woman’s words. “I think… I think I need a minute. But, thanks. Chloe, right?” He asked with a weak grin. He didn’t know how she’d wound up in this situation too, or even why he was here. Lydia’s words, they just confused him more and more. But, his mind was too much of a mess for him to process anything else. He needed to be alone and just get a handle on what was going on. If he even could. Following her up the stairs, he entered one of the bedrooms. The room was clean, the bed neatly made, clothes hanging in the closet. It was cold and clean and completely removed of any sort of personality. Sinking onto the bed, Todd dropped his head into his hands, his shoulders shaking as the fear finally overtook him. A strangled cry of anguish worked its way free from his throat and he shook his head violently from side to side. No, no, no, no, no.

This morning, he’d woken up, thinking that it was just any other ordinary day. And now? He was a prisoner.

#domestic abuse tw #emotional abuse tw #para #chatzy #todd #drug manipulation tw

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eabhaalynn · 5 years

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My 11 Songs of the Decade (because 10 would be boring and is overdone.)

Cigarette Daydreams – Cage the Elephant

The song… This is the closing song of Cage the Elephant’s 2013 album, Melophobia, and the third single released from this album. It describes the pain of someone’s search for their own identity through the musings of a parted lover.

For me… To this day, this is the song I cry to. This always has been me and my friend Iona’s song. It will forever be inseparable from the Ulster Museum and Botanic Gardens in Belfast, from rainy summer’s days and rants about our seemingly massive problems with GCSEs and girls from school. When she went abroad for her gap year, I couldn’t bear to listen to it. It’s another one of these songs that manages to articulate what it feels like to be young and thinking too much.

Key lyric…If we can find a reason, a reason to change Looking for the answer If you can find a reason, a reason to stay Standing in the pouring rain

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvVJ0v6Vta8

Ribs – Lorde

The song… This is a deep house influenced electronica song that discusses Lorde’s stress over ageing. It was released on her debut album, Pure Heroine, in 2013. It begins ambiently and builds to become increasingly more frantic as the song progresses.

For me… Despite being released when I was a young teenager, this song was written when Lorde was sixteen or seventeen. It articulates exactly what it feels like to be that age, at that stage of life. I’m quite sure teenagers across the globe can relate to that. This song has been the soundtrack of my teenage years, the imagery is both relatable and accessible. Listening now, it gives me a sense of nostalgia, a yearning to be back where I was a year, or two or three years ago. Even now, it is the sound of being alone in a crowd. It is musically perfect, and a piece of exceptional songwriting.

Key lyric…This dream isn't feeling sweet We're reeling through the midnight streets And I've never felt more alone It feels so scary, getting old

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qaeoz_7cyE

Sign of the Times – Harry Styles

The song… This is Harry Style’s debut single as a solo artist. It was released in early 2017 and appears on his self-titled debut album. It is a power ballad with eclectic influences from genres such as soft rock, indie rock, glam rock and psychedelic soul. It features Styles’ vocals alongside choral harmonies throughout. It is essentially about avoiding emotion during times of grief and hardship.

For me…This is the song of me leaving school (for the first time). Listening to it now coughs up all the feelings of relief, and yet uncertainty. Excitement, but also nerves. Summer 2017 was a turning point for me. I had had a terrible couple of years over my GCSEs, and overall, my second school was a far better place for me to be than my first one ever was. At the time though, I didn’t know this. Sure, how could I? This song helped me figure out my feelings, and make sense of feeling happy when I really didn’t know what I should have felt at all.

Key lyric…We don't talk enough, we should open up Before it's all too much Will we ever learn? We've been here before It's just what we know

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN4ooNx77u0

Ride – Lana Del Rey

The song… This song comes from Lana Del Rey’s third EP, Paradise, released in 2012. It served as the first single of this re-release. It is a ballad that includes, among other themes, parental problems, loneliness and alcohol misuse. Del Rey sings over a string drenched, piano driven melody.

For me… This is the song of every summer. It has never been an exceptionally happy song for me, but it is the embodiment of what it is to feel young and alive, if a little bit tired. The glamour of it, alongside the acknowledgement that everything isn’t perfect, but that they will be okay if you just go with the flow, was exactly what I needed at the time it was released. The blissful uncertainty of the summers of being 14 and 15, partnered with the irrelevance of the future, is exactly what this song will always be about for me.

Key lyric… Been trying hard not to get into trouble But I, I've got a war in my mind I just ride, just ride

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py_-3di1yx0

Don’t Delete the Kisses – Wolf Alice

The song… This is the second single from Wolf Alice’s second album, Visions of a Life. It is characterised as dream pop, synth pop, shoegaze and indie rock. Frontwoman Rowsell referred to it as “one of those, you know, ‘head out the window on a long drive’ kind of tunes.’

For me… If ‘ribs’ is the sound of being seventeen, then surely this is the sound of falling in love. This song is the ultimate love song. I am absolutely convinced of it. It is greater than any one person as it is simply the sound of the feeling. I am very lucky that I actually was falling in love for the first time at the time this was released. I will always be indebted to Ellie Rowsell for being there to tell me in plain English how I was feeling. This song has defined every ‘lovey dovey’ mood I have been in for the last two and a half years. I’m sure most people of my age feel the same. It was written for the era we are living in and it is perfectly suited to it.

Key lyric…I see the signs of a lifetime, you 'til I die

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqxE-zppu30

Motion Sickness – Phoebe Bridgers

The song… This is the third single from Phoebe Bridger’s 2017 Debut album ‘Stranger in the Alps.’ It describes “being in love with someone who is super mean to you… like conflicted feelings.” Bridger’s stated to radio station KCRW that the song was written about fellow musician Ryan Adams.

For me… Admittedly, I discovered this song late in the decade. But it’s a song about feelings. Like, really hard feelings. This decade, and especially the latter half of it, threw up a lot of feelings, about a lot of things. I suppose this is fairly standard for most people approaching the end of their teenage years. It’s angsty, without being too bothered about anything. It’s raw and honest; articulating everything I’ve felt about everyone at one stage or another, and I’m equally, I’m sure it articulates enough people’s feelings about me.

Key lyric… You said when you met me you were bored And you, you were in a band when I was born

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sfYpolGCu8

A & E – Brand New Friend

The song… This illustrates the rise and fall of a relationship, and in doing so highlights the more melancholic acoustic side of Northern Irish indie pop group Brand New Friend. It was initially released in 2016 as the closing song of their debut EP, American Wives, but was remastered and re-released on their 2017 album Seatbelts for Airplanes.

For me… This is the song of the medicine application. Bearing in mind I know this band, and know that there is a well-developed meaning to the song that has nothing to do with me, this is the song that I have listened to, and seen live, countless times from the day I decided I wanted to be a doctor to the day I got into medical school and beyond. It is a rare and beautiful connection to have to a song like this, and one for which I am forever going to be grateful. Now, I can’t hear the song live without bawling my wee eyes out. I have come so far, and the band have too, and the song has been with us every step of the way. That truly means the world to me.

Key lyric… She wants to be a paramedic / Wants to save a strangers life / Now she wants to hold my hand / Does she know she’s saving mine?

https://open.spotify.com/track/5RmOfF1s5zW2B942H9OGXT?si=hsauA8iXQN6mXQnL8s0fBw

Brazil – Declan McKenna

The song… McKenna initially self-released this song in December 2014. It is critical of FIFA, of their awarding of the 2014 World Cup to Brazil without addressing the deep rooted and extensive poverty affecting the Nations people. It gained widespread media attention throughout the FIFA corruption scandal, before featuring on his debut album, ‘What do you think about the Car?’ in July 2017. It is an indie rock song that is driven by guitars and synths.

For me… This song was the sound of 2016 and 2017. It was released a while before this but I was fairly late jumping on the bandwagon. It’s a political song, speaking of the injustices behind FIFA and their 2014 World Cup in Brazil. As an angry little leftist, I have always appreciated this. I can only appreciate it more knowing that Declan McKenna himself was only fourteen when he wrote it. For me the song has many happy memories attached to it, from the long summer walks from my house to the nearest village to see my friends who were working as sailing instructors, to attending a tiny gig of Declan McKenna’s in the Oh Yeah Centre in Belfast and being about 6 feet from his face while he was 6 feet from the cusp of fame.

Key lyric…Because you've had your chances, yeah you've had enough I'm gonna burn your house down to spread peace and love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duHjQ3BE6D8

Robbers – The 1975

The song… This is the sixth single from the 1975’s self-titled debut album. It was released as a single in May 2014. The song’s concept follows an ill-fated robbery, and was inspired in part by the 1993 film ‘True Romance.’ It is essentially about a relationship in which the partners are too focused on each other to notice the destruction they are each causing.

For me… This song is fairly definitive of my teenage years as a whole. The narrative of a toxic relationship that the writer could not, or would not leave, was one that I always managed to connect to, across all aspects of my life as a young teenager, encountering uncomfortable situations within school and with different people and groups of friends. Matty Healy was (and honestly still is) one of the biggest crushes I’ve ever had. I’ve now heard this song live three different times, at three completely different phases of my life. It is a song with so much meaning, and yet one that has grown and evolved with me throughout the decade.

Key lyric… Now everybody's dead And they're driving past my old school And he's got his gun, he's got his suit on She says, 'Babe, you look so cool'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iyy3YOpxL2k

Get Well Soon – Ariana Grande

The song… This is the final song on Grande’s 2017 album ‘Sweetener,’ it is a soul ballad with layered vocals, and is inspired by Grande’s personal anxiety and trauma following the May 2017 terrorist attack following her concert in Manchester. In memory of the 22 victims of this attack, there is a 40 second moment of silence at the end of the song.

For me… I am, and have been, a very anxious person for a very long time. This is something I have never really hid away from, but also never felt up to talking openly about. This song manages to describe the feelings associated with anxiety in a way I have never heard any mainstream musician attempt before. Ariana’s concert which was attacked in May 2017, that which inspired this song, immediately followed her concert that my father and sister had attended, and so the whole song and sequence of events is and always has been very close to home for me.

Key lyric…I'm too much in my head, did you notice? (Girl, what’s wrong with you? Come back down)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXU4P6j3TNY

She’s Thunderstorms – Arctic Monkeys

The song… This is the first song from the fourth studio album by arctic monkeys; Suck it and See, released in 2011. It originated when Alex Turner was looking for a new way of complimenting someone. It begins with an Eastern inspired riff and is fairly heavily guitar led, characteristic of this period in the Arctic Monkey’s discography

For me… I’d be lying if I said this isn’t one of my favourite songs of all time. I chose it for this list because it is my favourite song by the arctic monkeys, who are my favourite band. Its subject, Alexa Chung, basically leads the life I wish I had. Even more so at the time this song was written than now. I remember being twelve or thirteen and just wanting someone to write something like this for me. The sheer detail of the lyrics is beautiful and so captivating, they played a huge part in helping me find my love for music in an accessible way. I loved, and still do love, the relationship they had. I feel like it translated so well into his music, and into the popular culture that shaped my teenage years exceptionally well.

Key lyric…Here is your host, sounds as if she's pretty close When the heat starts growing horns She's thunderstorms

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQSQnHh4rPE

#music #songs #arctic monkeys #ariana grande #the 1975 #lana del rey #phoebe bridgers #lorde #declan mckenna #brandnewfriend #cage the elephant #wolf alice #harry styles

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gvf-imagines · 4 years

Text

Part 1

(Josh/Danny/Jake/Sam x reader)

Warnings: alcohol use, self harm scars

word count: 3252

Thanks to @callmekane for beta reading this fic!

A/N: I’m excited about what this story will bring! This is going to be a very smut filled fan fiction series where the reader has a very sexual and open relationship with all of the boys! I know some people won’t like it I’m sure but all criticism is welcome! Please leave comments and let me know what you think and of course if you have an idea for the story I’m totally open to hearing your thoughts! I hope you enjoy it my friends ❣️

If you’d like to be on the tag-list so you know when I post part 2 just message me or let me know in the comments!

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You smiled as you ran off stage, the fans were still screaming and kept screaming until the next band took the stage. The air was electric, so many people, all here to enjoy the great communicator that is music. You closed your eyes to take it all in, to just listen and feel. You couldn't believe you were here, playing in front of this many people. This year you shared the stage with another up and coming band by the name of Greta Van Fleet. You hadn't heard of them before recently and they were actually really good. They had so much soul and passion in their music, it was true, raw talent.

You watched from the side stage as they played their eclectic set. The singer, Josh, really got the crowd going. He had so much energy and was really fun to watch. His voice was incredible, unbelievable even. He had this raspy, elegant twang in his voice, that truly matched perfectly with the music his band was producing. The drummer, Danny (if you remembered correctly), had such a powerful and classic Drumming style. It was full of life and emotion , just like you, he put his all into his performance. He was focused and truly the heart of the music. There was a guitarist and a Bassist, unlike your band which only consisted of you and your best friend. You, the drummer and your friend the singer and guitarist. The bassist, Sam, had a very cool way about him, his body moved with the music in a way that seemed beyond his control. The guitarist, Jake , was stunning, his hands danced along his guitar so expertly, you could tell he truly enjoyed his time with his instrument.

When they finished their set, the crowd erupted in a wave of applause and cheers, like bright yellow and orange fireworks booming through the air, you watched with your minds eye, in awe as they exploded and cracked in the sky. The Boys bowed and waved before walking off stage panting and sweating.

“Nice job!, excellent show” you comment smiling. Danny returned the smile with a grateful nod.

“Aw thank you, I'm sorry I don't think we had a chance to meet before the show, I’m Dan-” he began.

“You're Danny, Sam , Jake , and Josh” you said, pointing to each of them and smiling. They all returned the smile, there was positive energy just radiating from them, you could feel it like a blanket of warmth resting over you.

“My name is (y/n), it's so nice to meet you guys!” you chime happily. The lead singer, Josh smiles at and you think you catch a small wink as well, making your heart skip a beat. Perhaps you were seeing things. God he's handsome, his sparkling brown eyes, he had more structure in his jawline than you had in your entire life His chestnut hair was gorgeous and curly, his whole look just attracted you to no end.

Fuck.

“Hey your performance was super amazing too, your voice is absolutely incredible” Sam complimented, his voice popped all the bubbly thoughts of josh that foamed in your head. Thank goodness. “Yeah! You did an excellent job (y/n). Its one thing to be a good singer when you have three other band members to help you sound good, but you were out there all alone, just your voice and you still blew that crowd away” Danny added. You were blushing for sure now.

“Yeah your voice is crazy good, we're honored to play alongside you” Jake chimed.

“Oh wow you guys are gonna make me cry” you chuckle “thank you so much, that means a lot coming from someone with your talent” you reply. Sam waves his hand incredulously as if you were hyping them up and making them out to be better than they really were.. You weren't. They are awe inspiring musicians.

“Water?” a stagehand offered walking over with a cooler.

“Oh thank fucking Christ” Josh rendered making a bee line for the cooler. You chuckled, and now that you thought of it your throat was extremely dry from singing as well. Jake nicely offered you the bottle he grabbed with a smile. A true gentleman.

“Thank you!” you offer as you grab the bottle from him. You practically ripped the cap off and chugged the whole bottle. It was delicious and cold and ran over your tongue and down your throat with a refreshingly cold bite.

The five of you stand there and re hydrate for a minute before Sam speaks “we should go grab a drink!” he suggests with a slight raise of his perfect eyebrows. The guys look at you in waiting.

“You wanna join us?” Josh asks, flashing a pearly white smile. You look around at them for a mere second before responding.

“Sure! Yeah that sounds fun”

“Right on, I think I saw a bar down the street we can go to” Jake claims as you all head to the doors behind the dressing rooms.

Rain began to expel from the dark clouds above you as you all headed down the road. Cold air kisses your skin causing you to shiver slightly, you only had on black leather pants and a pink floral pattern blouse that you tied up a bit to expose part of your stomach. It was late, must have been almost midnight by now, the air was heavy with moisture and you could smell the rain soaked cement under your feet.

“Are you cold?” Josh questions as he walks beside you, he startled you a bit. You smiled and looked at your arms, they were dotted with goosebumps.

“Yeah kinda” you reply sheepishly. Josh instantly takes off the jean jacket he was wearing and handed it to you. Jake and the others were a few feet behind the two of you carrying on a conversation about the show. You reached out and accepted the jacket, Josh's gaze nonchalantly floated down your arm, his face fell when he noticed the deep scars that peppered across your skin near your wrists. You notice him looking at them before he brings his gaze back up to meet yours. Your cheeks burned with embarrassment and you quickly put the jacket on.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn't mean to stare” he says softly, looking down at the wet street. You knew by the tone in his voice he wasn't judging you. His look was filled with concern, not judgement.

“It's alright, people stare all the time” you responded

“It doesn't bother me so much anymore, i'm used to it.” you added. Josh nods, a sad look still lingers on his gentle face. His jacket was warm, his scent filled your nose, it was comfortable and soothing, much like the rain that fell from the sky. You looked at him out of the corner of your eye, you could tell he was thinking about something, he had that thousand yard stare stuck in his eyes. You hadn't known Josh for long but it's not hard to tell when someone is enthralled in thought.

“How long have you been singing?” you ask, trying to pull him from whatever trance he was in.

“A long time, most of my life really” he answers with a smile. Talking about his music clearly made him happy. He in turn asked you the same question. You laugh before responding.

“Honestly I've only been singing for a few years….drumming is my real talent and I've been doing that for most of my life, coming up on 18 years” you explain. Josh’s expression shifted from a smile to a look of surprise.

“Wow that’s awesome , are you self taught?” he asks again. You nodded “my dad taught me a few things here and there more when I first started out but, mostly I've taught myself” you said. Josh chuckled with a nod.

“That is really cool” he replied, you could tell by the tone and instance of his voice that he was genuinely impressed.

“Oo careful on the compliments you've never heard me play before, just because I've been playing for a long time doesn't mean i’m any good” you joke, Josh laughs, shakes his head and nudges your shoulder.

“Well have to get you behind Danny's kit some time” he implores. Hearing him say that made you happy, it meant he wanted to see you again.

“You guys did really good tonight, I cant believe I've never heard of you guys before really. It wasn't until my manager told me who I'd be playing with at the festival that I started looking into you guys.” you admit.

“Thanks you did an excellent job too, i really loved that first song you sang, ‘salt is my sugar’ I really resonated with that one, truly felt it, there's a lot of emotion in your lyrics.

“This is it,” Sam announces opening the front door and holding it for everyone to walk in. the smell of smoke and dark liquor hang heavy in the air. An ACDC song played over the speakers. It wasn't very busy, there was an older man sitting at the bar, a couple younger people playing pool and a few others scattered in booths. It was a total dive bar, a hole in the wall, which was just your style. You all sat at the bar on squeaky worn out bar stools.

“What can I get you?” the bartender asked, perching himself up with his arms rested on the bar as a washrag sat, oh so typically, on his shoulder as he awaited your response. Jake looked at Josh with a raised brow giving him that ‘get a load of this guy’ look.

“I'll have a beer,” Danny ordered.

“Me as well please” Jake adds.

“Southern comfort and seven up for me please” you order next.

“Hmm I'll have a long island iced tea” Sam says. You look at him holding back a chuckle Huh didn't take him for a long island iced tea kinda guy but to each their own. The bartender looked to josh.

“Salty dog please” he requests.

“Put your IDs on the counter” the bartender instructs as he turns around to collect everyone's drinks. The five of you did as you were told and laid out your IDs.

“So where are you guys headed now that the festival is over?” you asked playing with a stained, old coaster that sat in front of you.

“We’re going back to Michigan for some well deserved time off” Josh responds.

“For a little while anyways” he adds with a smile.

“Hey I live in silver city!” you reply happily , silver city was a small town in Michigan closer to the upper peninsula.

“Small world” you added. What are the chances the two of you lived within a few hours of each other and never met until the both of you played a festival in Los Angeles.

You turn your attention to the combination of alcoholic drinks that the bartender set in front of you. Everyone reached for theirs offering quick cheers before taking a drink. The carbonation of the seven up burned against your throat before the alcohol sent the warming sensation through your chest and stomach.

“Ah yum” you said, wincing from the sharpness of the alcohol. Jake laughed as he watched you.

“Not very convincing,” Sam says smiling. You laugh and take another drink. You watch Josh stir his drink lightly with the small straw it came with, he notices you looking.

“Ever had a salty dog before?” he asks, hoping you say no.

You simply shake your head in reply. He slides his drink closer to you.

“We can share if you want, it's really good?” he offers. You look at the pink drink in front of you.

“What's in it?” you ask.

“It's just gin and grapefruit juice with a little salt around the rim,” he says.

“Oh god that sounds horrible” you laugh.

“It's actually not that bad” Danny pipes up with a shrug.

“He made me try it a few weeks ago,” he adds.

“Alright I'll take your word for it” you smile at Danny. You look back down at the drink.

“I promise I didn't spike it” Josh chimes. You laugh loudly, why would he even say that?

“That's exactly what someone who spiked my drink would say”

“But I guess I trust you guys” you add before taking a healthy sip of the beverage.

“Hmm that's not bad!” conclude, it was much sweeter than you thought it would be, it kind of reminded you of orange juice and vodka. Josh nods with an I told you so sort of look on his face.

“Here, try mine,” Sam says next, handing you his glass.

“Alright you try mine too” you reply with a smile. Sam's slender fingers brush against yours as he grabs the drink from you , your eyes look to his and he winks.

Oh god, I can't be attracted to two of them. Honestly, who were you kidding? You were insanely attracted to all of them, how were they ALL so cute and gorgeous? Not fair to the rest of man-kind.

“Wow this one is super good!” you remark going in for another drink of the long island iced tea.

“Yeah can you believe there's like 8 different alcohols in there? No tea at all” he laughs, you laughed with him. His laugh was sweet and light, like orange sparkling shards of glass dancing through the air. The five of you began talking about life and learning a lot about each other, ordering more drinks along the way. You could tell the mix of drinks was beginning to take effect on you, you felt warm and relaxed. You were standing next to Danny now, he towered over you, this man was truly a beast.the smell of his cologne wrapped around you. It was oaky and mossy with a hint of citrus, you couldn't help but feel an electrifying pull of attraction to him.

For fucks sake, you curse yourself.

A few games of pool (which, it turns out Jake is like a God at pool) later you all found yourselves back at the bar carrying on more conversation, albeit more slurred now. It was much easier to open up to people when alcohol was involved. You rolled the sleeves of josh's jacked up, exposing your arms as the alcohol was making you extremely warm.

“What happened to you?” the bartender asks loudly. You and the guys all look at him with hints of confusion.

“I got the worst concoction of my parents DNA possible” you joke , the boys laugh. Jake nudges your shoulder.

“Shut up you're gorgeous” he says softly. You give him a quick smile.

“No. Your arm. What happened to your arm.” the bartender says again, nodding to your scars. You hated when people asked that question, like they didn't know why you had those scars on your wrists. Very few things leave scars like that on skin. You looked around at the guys, josh looked pissed and the others looked saddened as this was the first time they had seen your scars, and they knew damn well what it was from, they weren’t as stupid as this bartender. The air of the bar had shifted, the mood went from fun loving to hostile very quickly. Fuck this guy.

“I got in a fight with a weed wacker” you retort sarcastically. The man rolls his eyes.

“What happened? Did your little boyfriend break up with you? Flunk a class? Your puppy ran away?” he was mocking you. You said nothing in return.

“You're just another one of those emotionally confused little girls, no reason to hate her life.” he continues. For some reason he was trying to upset you , and you had no idea why, you'd been nothing but pleasant to the man since the moment you entered the bar.

“First of all i'm not a girl, I'm a woman. Who pissed in your Wheaties this morning man? You're mad because you got all D’s in high school and now you're stuck serving losers like us in this shit hole, pretentious, sorry excuse of a bar? Go fuck yourself. I don’t hate my life.” you answer , anger pooling in your throat.

“Hey man. Lay off.” Danny says with a look of warning.

“Of course you don't hate your life” the man says ignoring Danny completely.

“You just do it for attention, think if you slice yourself up maybe someone will feel bad for you huh? I've seen your kind before girl.” he speaks again. OK now this idiot was pissing you off. You never did it for attention, attention was the last thing you wanted, especially when it came to your scars, you wished you could erase them.

“Look, I've got three things to say to you,” you reply with an irritated sigh. You stood up from your stool and stepped closer to the man.

“One” you say, holding up your pointer finger giving the illusion that you were going to list reasons of argument to him. Instead you ball your hand into a fist and punch the guy right in his fucking jaw with all your drunken might. To your surprise (and no doubt everyone else's) the bartender fell to the floor, you knocked him out.. Everyone was wide eyed and silent

“Lets get outta here” Josh says, breaking the glistening silence in the bar, noticing everyone looking at the five of you. Jake grabbed a bottle of Jack before all of you ran out of the door. None of you could suppress your laughs as you took off down the street. Out of breath you all keeled over in a field of grass a few feet from the tour buses in a fit of laughter. You sat down on the wet grass and looked up at the clouds. Danny sat on your left and Sammy was on your right, Josh and Jake sat in front of you and you all formed a small little circle.

“That felt good” you say softly, referring to punching that shit head of a bartender. Sam laughed.

“Yeah that was awesome, I can't believe you knocked him out” Jake chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. The air went silent again as you all sat with your own thoughts. Your face slowly lost emotion as thoughts of what the man said swirled around your mind. You tried not to let what people said to you about your scars get to you too much but it was hard sometimes. Danny noticed your expression and you felt his hand draw soft circles on your back.

“That guy was an idiot. He was just being an asshole” Josh said softly, you nodded, knowing he was right. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe you were just really that sad but a tear fell down your face and your voice cracked as you spoke.

“I just feel so alone sometimes” you wiped the tears away as quickly as they fell. You could feel all of them watching you with sympathetic eyes.

“Everyone's got their vice (y/n)” Danny said quietly, his hand still grazing your back.

Josh rolls his shirt sleeve up and reveals dozens of little horizontal scars covering his shoulder. He grabs your hand and you look up at him to meet his gaze. He stroked your hand with his thumb and gave you a comforting, gentle look.

“You're not alone”

#greta van fleet #gvf #jake kiszka #josh kiszka #danny wagner #gretavanfleet #sam kiskza #gvf imagine #gvf fanfic #smut #josh kiszka smut #danny wagner smut #jake kiszka smut #sam kiszka smut #imagine

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bngtanah · 4 years

Text

I'm (not) With The Band. | Prologue

summary: Adrienne is an indie producer who is hired to help co-produce BTS’ next album alongside their resident producer; Suga. Despite the initial opposition on both ends, the pair spend time together, share a few stories, dreams and aspirations and begin to hit it off really well. Wrapped up in the whirlwind of late nights and heated disagreements and reconciliations, Min Yoongi and Adrienne Rolle find themselves growing closer and closer. One night they decide to cross the barrier between personal and professional and do their best make a relationship work against all odds.

pairing: Min Yoongi x Named OC

genre: drama, romance, smut

chapters: prologue| o1| o2| o3| o4| o5| o6| o7| o8| o9| 10| 11|

warning: light angst, smut, fluff, workplace relationship, slow burn, sexual themes, ambw, enemies to friends to lovers, developing relationship

a/n: still a fool. still re-uploading.

"It's good money, Adrienne."

Adrienne rolled her eyes quickly underneath her eyelids and switched her attention away from the woman sitting next to her.

"I get that but there is no way I'm moving to Korea, I can't even find Korea on a map!"

Adrienne and her older sister had been having this roundabout conversation for at least an hour and a half with no end in sight since neither side seemed interested in giving in.

"So what are you going to do? Just stick around here and make amazing songs for shitty rappers and musicians that don't wanna pay you?" Danielle's voice was monotone and completely lacking any tangible emotion but Adrienne could understand that this was her sister's way of trying to appeal to her common sense. "An opportunity like this doesn't knock twice, little one."

Adrienne bit back a witty remark because despite how much she didn't want to admit it she knew that her sister was right. She was barely making ends meet with the seedy pool of customers she had now and the select few that actually paid her on time only wanted to shell out pennies for what Adrienne considered high-quality work. There were times over the past few months when the money wasn't coming in and reactions from her clientele had her seriously doubting her talent that Adrienne genuinely regretted not going to college. There was no a guarantee that she would have been any better off than she was now but the constant 'what if' always made her second guess her choices when things weren't going her way. Her life now wasn't perfect but it was comfortable, she rented an efficiency from one of her sister's friends and worked a few odd jobs here and there to keep up with the bills. It was a simple life that she enjoyed and Adrienne wasn't so sure she had the courage to give it up.

"Alright, let's say I go for it" Adrienne stated in a softer voice.

"What happens if I can't keep up or they hate all my songs or they hate me? I wouldn't be able to come back here as a failure and honestly, Dani I don't know if I have what it takes to do this." Her voice wavered with raw insecurity as she nervously she began pulling on the ends of one of her long braids.

If Adrienne was being honest with herself, her own self-doubts were the main obstacle holding her back from just accepting this job. She was reasonably excited about the thought of moving to a different country and Danielle; who was married and expecting a child of her own, was the only family she had left. It was time for her to stop depending on her for so much and start carving out her own place in the world.

"Do you really think they would have contacted you if they didn't think you were more than good enough?"

"To be honest, I don't know why they reached out to me in the first place. All the music on my SoundCloud is in English and I've never heard of this company before they emailed me."

"Because it's good, dumb-dumb!" Danielle exclaimed while tugging on one of her sister's braids. "What's the name of these people again, you know I have to google," She asked with her phone already in hand.

"BigHit, I already looked them up. It's legit"

Danielle nodded but dismissed Adrienne's statement with a flick of her wrist, she needed to research everything for herself if she was going to send her baby sister off to some strange company for a job that may not even be real.

"Seriously, Dani I've looked it up they are an actual music company" Adrienne leaned forward to snatch the phone out of her hands, "They told me that if I decide to work with them I'd be working with a boyband called BTS."

"Boyband? Those still exist?"

"Yes! I was so confused at first but they're the real deal...which is another reason I don't want to go. I've been researching their songs from last year and the year before that and I don't know who's doing their music now but it's really good. Here, listen to this-"

Adrienne tossed her sister's phone back onto the couch and pulled her laptop off the coffee table and onto her lap, "It's all in Korean so ignore the words and just pay attention to the melody like I did" she informed as she pulled up 'Let Me Know', one of the recent tracks she'd been replaying.

Her eyes fell closed gently once she hit play and the first note rang out and Adrienne allowed herself to become lost in the music once again, she couldn't understand the lyrics but even without knowing the language Adrienne knew too well the feeling of heartache and desperation this song was meant to make you feel. That was always something she appreciated about music, no matter where you were from or how old you were a good song could bring people together in ways that words often couldn't. To Adrienne music truly was a universal language.

Once the song finished Adrienne put her laptop aside and looked up at her sister with a childlike stare, anticipating her reaction. "What? It's pretty" Danielle responded and Adrienne's shoulders immediately slumped downward.

"Pretty? Is that all you have to say?"

"Yup. That's my review, it is a pretty song."

"You sicken me, do you know that? If you weren't carrying my niece we would be pillow fighting right now." Adrienne grumbled and leaned down to pressed a kiss to Danielle's rounded tummy. She wasn't big yet but she was definitely beginning to show.

"I keep telling you not to get your hopes up, Lloyd's siblings are all boys."

Adrienne pursed her lips and ignored Danielle then whispered to her stomach. "Shhh, I can tell you're a girl."

"Stop talking to my fetus and get back up here, I'm not joking with you Andy I really think you should go for this job"

Adrienne bit the inside of cheek and slumped back against the cushions, she was silent for a few minutes as she tried to collect her thoughts and recall all the points that were made in their previous conversation.

"How am I supposed to fly half way around the world and tell these people that I can make better music than what they have now?"

Danielle sighed, her fingertips grazing over Adrienne's shoulder to gain her attention before pulling her into her arms to hug her and rest her chin against the top of Adrienne's head.

"Do you think you're talented?"

"Yes....but-"

"Butts are for ashtrays, Adrienne. You are talented and that's the end of it, when you worry too much about comparing yourself to other people then you start in with the doubts. You didn't go to them they came to you, that wouldn't have happened if they didn't know that you were more than qualified for this."

"I don't want to leave you."

"Oh little one," Danielle cooed and kissed Adrienne's scalp, threading her fingers through the younger girls braids, "I am going to be fine, I have Lloyd! And you're going to be making so many new friends you won't even have time to miss me."

Adrienne sniffed and wrapped her arms around her sister in a tighter hold, "You better not have this kid until I can come back and visit" She replied through the few tears that were falling from the brim of her eyes.

"Does that mean you're going?"

"I guess I'm moving to Korea."

"This isn't a joke, right? There aren't any hidden cameras, you're really going to let me do this?"

The excitement in Yoongi's voice was as foreign and authentic as the short happy dance he did in the middle of Bang Si-Hyuk's office before he caught hold of himself and regained his cool composure.

"Yes I'm being serious" Si-Hyuk answered with a tiny grin "You've been showing a lot of improvement lately and I think you should take the lead on producing the group's next release."

Pale pink lips spread into a wide and almost child-like grin, those were words that Yoongi never thought he would hear. He always appreciated being able to contribute a song or two to their albums but to have the control and relative creative freedom over an entire body of work for his group was a professional goal that he never thought possible so early in his career. It really was too good to be true.

"Of course..." Si-Hyuk spoke up again and Yoongi came crashing back down to reality.

"With your schedules and other responsibilities, it wouldn't be ideal to leave all the work on your shoulders alone."

"I assumed the producers here would be assisting me"

"Most of them are busy with other projects, we've decided to contract someone from the outside to co-produce along with you."

Yoongi nodded and leaned back in his seat, pressing his index finger against his lips in thought and to prevent himself from speaking out of turn. He didn't like this idea one bit and the previous feeling of excitement he had was dulled significantly by the thought of having to collaborate with someone he didn't even know. He wanted to speak up, voice his opposition before he was saddled with the dead weight of a co-producer who probably had no idea what they were doing. But he knew it wasn't his place to say no to a plan that was already in motion and he didn't want to jeopardize the opportunity he was being granted.

"Okay, when do we start?"

#min yoongi #suga fic #suga scenarios #suga angst #suga smut #bts x woc #bts scenarios #inwtb #bngtanah

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blainethelonghorn · 4 years

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imposter syndrome

- WHO: Rachel Berry and Blaine Anderson

- WHEN: Evening of May 23rd

- WHERE: Music Building at UT Austin

- WHAT: Blaine is trying to write his final project for music composition. Rachel helps calm his worries.

Blaine

On some level, Blaine knew that the amount he was stressing out about this final was irrational. Of course the thing wasn't going to be perfect, he was a barely 21 year old kid whose song writing repertoire only consistent of ton of half-baked, never finished ideas. Every time he ever started a song, he'd get to the same place he was at now - convinced with every play through that it was awful and needed to be entirely reworked. This time, though, he had an actual consequence to his actions. He'd have to hand something in on Monday. He’d gone into room 205 at about 8PM on Friday and there he was Saturday afternoon, still playing and replaying the tracks he’d laid down, occasionally rerecording something or trying a different mix. At this point, he hadn’t slept since a nap midday on Friday and all he’d eaten was some snacks he’d brought along in his bag and the three cups of coffee he’d gone out to buy when he felt like he needed to get out of that room. He didn’t feel tired at all, though. All he was feeling was incredibly anxious and frustrated that at the end of all this, he was going to have to hand in this piece and have everyone realize that he actually had no clue what he was doing. He didn’t actually know if there was anything Rachel could do to make him feel better at this point, but at least she would be some company and a source of some sort of comfort. He trusted her more than anyone, really, not to sugar coat anything.

Rachel

Rachel was very glad to be done with finals. Everyone was freaking out, and she was cool as a cucumber, not that she should gloat about it. She had it easy, for her it came naturally to perform and she hadn't exactly had to write or do anything on her own. Blaine however, was in charge of it all. He was creating his own music and she couldn't imagine how terrifying that could be. Well she could, she'd been writing lyrics for a long time, but she didn't have to share them if she didn't want to. Blaine was getting graded on his. She had decided to help him in anyway he would let her, though she was sure that it wouldn't hurt if she helped more than he thought she could. But she had grabbed her bag and car keys and headed for campus and the music room. She stopped to grab a couple coffees and snacks, figuring he'd have not gotten out of there for a while. She headed for the room he had told her, saying hi to some friends as they had passed before getting to him. She opened the door and looked at him. "Blaine..." she murmured, feeling sorry for him as she looked at the way he had spread out across the room. "How's it going?" she asked, handing him the coffee.

Blaine

Blaine heard the door opened and turned his head to make sure it was Rachel and not someone looking for a practice room. He was sitting basically in the middle of the floor, looking over his handwritten sheet music. His acoustic lay on the floor next to him - the only instrument of his own he'd been able to bring to campus. Remnants of his day were all around the room. Looking at him, you could tell he was strungout - his hair was disheveled only in the way that majorly gelled curls can after not being fixed up in over 36 hours. He didn't even smile as she came in, just giving her a wave. "Hi, thanks for coming," he replied - even at his most stressed, Blaine was ever polite. "Ugh, it's going, I guess. How was your day?" he asked, picking the guitar back up and starting to tune it.

Rachel

Rachel shook her head and went to sit on the floor across from him, putting her bag to the side. “My day was whatever...tell me what you need, how can I help you?” She asked picking up a stray piece of sheet music, and looking over it.

Blaine

He nodded towards the music in her hands. "That's just the melody for the main vocal part. There's a harmony line, too. And the guitar. And then a piano and drums. Just basics. Um..." He shuffled through some papers. "I think it's all there but then when I play it back on the recording...something's off." He got the guitar tuned and plucked out the intro. "I can play you the guitar part?"

Rachel

Rachel looked between all of the sheets and nodded as she did so. “Okay yea...play me what you have,” she said looking over at him.

Blaine

Blaine sighed, moved his legs so he was sitting with them crossed, and restarted the song. He sang along even though the lyrics really didn't matter for this class. He just wanted her to have a sense of the vocal melody, too. He played through the whole thing, finishing the last chord before looking up at her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPaBXxA_k-g

Rachel

Rachel nodded, leaning back so her back was against the wall as she placed the sheet next to her. She listened to him, her foot starting to tap along to the beat as he went. It was a good song. It was a really good song and the lyrics we're great. When he finished she clapped for him. "It's really good!"

Blaine

Blaine chuckled, embarrassed, as she clapped. "Thanks, Rach. Can you look at the piano line and see if you think it works...?" He didn't actually hate the melody itself, but he felt like it just wasn't good enough.

Rachel

She nodded and grabbed the sheet and stood, walking over to the piano. She lifted the cover and tinkering for a moment before focusing and playing out the melody for him. “Have you been able to hear all of it at one time yet?”

Blaine

Blaine nodded. "I recorded all the parts and did a mix. Just all together...I'm not sure what works."

Rachel

“Well why don’t we play together?”

Blaine

Blaine smiled a little at the suggestion. "Okay, we can do that," he nodded, starting the intro again. Maybe it would help to hear it live.

Rachel

Rachel smiled at him and started playing alongside him.

Blaine

Blaine played through, not singing this time, just listening to how the two instruments sounded together. Maybe it wasn't so bad.

Rachel

Rachel nodded along, bitting her lip as they got to the end. "Play it one more time," she said grabbing a pencil, her tongue peaking out from behind her lips as they went once more, as she changed a couple notes back to notes she had seen erased on the paper before adding a couple of different ones.

Blaine

Blaine nodded. "Uh, okay," he replied, starting to pick out the notes again. He scrunched his lips, jaw clenching, as she started writing on the paper. So it was bad.

Rachel

"That's it Blaine..." she said showing him the paper. "It's all the notes you had had on here once before and then just repeated here at the end where you would have if you had kept them. This is all you being a genius and second guessing it!"

Blaine

Blaine finished that play through and looked down at the paper. His eyes scanned over the 'changes' she'd made. She was right, they were just what he'd written and rewritten and rewritten. He looked up and met her eyes. "I don't know if I'd say genius, but thank you..." he said, offering a smile. "Seriously, thank you."

Rachel

Rachel smiled and shook her head. “You didn’t. I did. And I mean it. It’s a great song Blaine. Absolutely A worthy”

Blaine

Blaine blushed shaking his head. “Thanks, Rach. Your opinion means a lot to me.”

Rachel

Rachel smiled brightly. It always made her happy when people appreciated her musical talent. “I’m more than happy to help anytime!”

Blaine

Blaine rubbed his face. He was starting to get stubbly. “Well, now I have to re-record some of this.”

Rachel

“Do you want me to help?”

Blaine

"You're welcome to stay, but I've gotta play all of it. Hopefully it won't take long. In all honesty, I really want to go home at some point," he chuckled.

Rachel

Rachel nodded. “I could hit record and everything so that way you can go quicker”

Blaine

Blaine nodded, finally getting up and stretching. "Sounds good to me, thanks."

Rachel

“What are friends for?”May 28, 2020

Blaine

Blaine smiled, starting to get everything set up and feeling very grateful he had friends like Rachel.

@longhornrachel

#para:rachel #//lmao this is from so long ago

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dherzogblog · 5 years

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GARDEN PARTY 9/22/79

In late summer 1979 Jackson Browne and a group of like minded LA musicians announced a series of “No Nukes” concerts at Madison Square Garden for September. Like any self respecting young person at the time I was well aware of the dangers posed by nuclear energy after the incident at Three Mile Island. It became a big issue, particularly on college campuses, I was concerned about it but wasn’t ready to hit the streets in protest. The initial concert line up had a distinctly ‘El Lay’ feel. Headliners and performers included The Doobies, CSN, James Taylor, Carly Simon, Poco, Orleans, and of course Jackson Browne. The post Woodstock Hollywood hippy vibe surrounding the event left me a bit cold. Back then my eclectic college radio tastes were leaning hard into punk, new wave, and reggae. But then the organizers announced Bruce Springsteen would perform, and that quickly got my attention. Up till then Bruce had avoided affiliation with any and all political or social movements. His participation was seen as a big deal. I had seen him live for the first time on a year earlier The Darkness Tour and became an immediate convert. I was couldn’t wait to see him again.

Bruce had agreed to headline two nights, including a Saturday night show on the eve of his 30th birthday, on a bill that included Peter Tosh, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, Gil Scott Heron, and Bonnie Raitt. It was amazing line up that seemed to spring directly from my record collection so I convinced some Emerson College classmates to join me and we took a train from Boston to NYC the day of the show.

After dropping our bags at a friends small studio apartment where we all slept on the floor, we headed to Washington Square Park in search of “loose joints”. What we purchased was closer to oregano than Panama Red, but undeterred and a bit lighter in our wallet, we headed back uptown to MSG for the big show. We had tickets in the Garden’s top deck. The infamous blue seats where the NY Ranger’s faithful reigned supreme. They were nosebleeds, just to the side of the Clarence Clemons end of the stage. Our vantage point decidedly higher than we were, but we were ready for an epic night.

It turned out to be was an unforgettable evening of music. Gil Scott Heron in peak form with his conscious brand of jazz funk (before he would ultimately succumb to a spiral of heroin addiction), wowed the crowd with his No Nukes themed “We Almost Lost Detroit”.

Then there was the always entertaining Peter Tosh. At the time, Bob Marley, was still alive and the world’s biggest reggae star, but Tosh was arguably the coolest. Signed to Rolling Stone records, he was hanging and touring with Mick and Keith and the “World’s Greatest Rock and Roll Band”. I vividly remember him prowling the stage in his Japanese robe and middle eastern Keffiyeh smoking a giant spliff backed by the legendary Sly and Robbie. Bonnie Raitt was next, she was nearing the end of the first chapter of her storied career. Not long after, she would enter a tough stretch, ultimately dropped from her label before triumphantly re-emerging 10 years later with her platinum selling, Grammy winning “Nick Of Time”.

The big question mark was Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers. We weren’t sure what to make of him at the time. Were they a new wave band like their name seem to indicate? Petty and his crew were two albums and a couple of cult singles in at that point. In those pre MTV days you didn’t have much to go on without seeing the band live. You could only judge an artist by what radio played, what Rolling Stone wrote, or what the album cover looked like. The band’s breakthrough “Damn The Torpedoes” would be released a month later. Petty and his band delivered a confident and strong set that night hinting of big things to come.

Finally it was time for the main event. This was a home town crowd and they were ready for Bruce, who would be playing a shorter set than usual. He and The E Street Band hit the stage and the place nearly exploded. I had only seen him live once before and was blown away by his energy and intensity. But just seeing him for the second time that night night I sensed a slightly different vibe. A shorter more urgent set played with the wild abandon of man at odds with himself. He was a house on fire.

Bruce has grown up in a 60′s culture that believed “Don’t trust anyone over 30” while listening to The Who proclaim “Hope I die before I get old”. Some of those sentiments had to be in the back of his mind that night.

During the show Bruce was presented with a birthday cake that he weirdly, in a rare moment of petulant behavior, tossed into the audience. Later, he had a young woman (later identified as his former girlfriend, photographer Lynn Goldsmith) dragged up to the stage by security only to be immediately escorted out of the building. Even having only seen him once, I knew this was all a bit odd. But the crowd did not seem to mind at all. He blasted through an abbreviated set that had the upper deck bouncing and rolling like an LA earthquake. I have only felt a crowd that frenzied a few times in my life.

It’s 40 years on and he’s still at it. I’m sure he couldn’t imagine it then, but he would ultimately navigate the challenge of “growing up” in the music business, redefining what it means to mature in the rock world. A few months after this show, he would release “The River” a double album with themes and lyrics pointing to a rapidly maturing songwriter grappling with the issues of getting older.

That night, on the verge of turning 30, performing alongside his peers, playing like the slipper was about to come off his foot when the clock struck twelve, he stood exhausted and triumphant in front of an adoring crowd, diving defiantly headfirst into his thirties and rock and roll adulthood. He really had no choice, because as revealed that night , he’s “just a prisoner of rock and roll” and he’d already been issued a life sentence.

Happy 70th Birthday Bruce.

undefined

youtube

#brucespringsteen tompetty petertosh bonnieraitt gilscottheron

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juzuya-13 · 5 years

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The 5 things tag, this was super interesting! Thank you so much for tagging me! @thefandomsurfer ♥

5 things you'll find in my bag :

1. Baby things. I don't carry a normal purse with me, I always bring a fully equipped maternity bag with everything my daughter needs, diapers, baby wipes, cream, water, food, fresh clothes in case she gets dirty, toys, among many other things.

2. My phone, I always make sure I have it fully charged when I'm out in case of an emergency or if I need to Google something, take a picture and whatnot.

3. My wallet, I always carry some money with me in case I remember something I might need from the store or if I see something cute for my daughter.

4. A notebook and a pen, I always carry it in case I need to note something down like a phone number, a date of an appointment or just a reference in general.

5. A book, I usually always carry something to read with me, usually it's a manga volume but it can also be just a regular romance novel, a book of short horror stories or a fun magazine, in case I find a good spot I can sit and relax a little :)

5 things you'll find in my room :

1. Toys, lots of TOYS, I have baby things all over my apartment and my room is no exception, also my daughter's crib stays in my room because I still can't seem to sleep without her (I get anxiety when she's not close to me) so I have many of her little squishy, fluffy toys in my room.

2. Manga, I have all of my manga in my room, I plan on moving it to the living room but for now it stays in my bedroomroom very neatly organized, it's very precious, all the stories that I own mean something important to me so it's sort of my treasure.

3. Some of my figurines, I have many of them and they're a little bit all over the house.

4. Candles, I have a little obsession with candles, especially scented ones so I enjoy my collection of cute, colorful, yummy scented candles.

5. Mystic books, I have a few books about mystical beings like dragons, mermaids, fairies, elves, among others, I love it very much, I've always been into magical things, I have a wild imagination and love to day dream.

5 of my favorite things :

1. My daughter, my daughter is definitely my number one, she's the person I love the most in the whole universe. I thought I knew all about love before but when she was born I felt something like I had never felt before, I look at her and I just genuinely, selflessly love her and want her to be happy and safe, I would die one thousand deaths for my daughter, she's everything to me. ♥🐥

2. My fiancé, he's the best person I know, I love him with my whole heart, he's always so selfless, caring, patient, constantly making sure we're alright, he's hard-working, intelligent, sensitive and unlike anyone I've ever met, he's also my best friend and the best father for our daughter, even when we disagree we never fight, he never raises his voice or loses his temper, I could go on and on about how grateful I am to him but I'll stop here. ♥

3. Nature, I love nature, I love taking long walks by the river or just lay down on the grass, listen to the rain and thunder, the wind, how colorful flowers are, everything about it is very poetic and soothing for some reason.

4. Anime/manga, I love reading manga and watching anime, it's always very entertaining, I enjoy the different art styles and I can always relate to the characters to some extent, I enjoy the different stories and morals behind it, it's something I've always really enjoyed since I was a child, it makes me happy.

5. Music, music is a huge part of my life, I'm always playing some sort of music throughout the day, even if it's just soft background music, or nursery rhymes for my daughter, music has always been a safe escape from everything and reality itself when I need it, it's funny how sometimes lyrics can speak for us, all the things we can't say.

5 things I'm into right now :

1. I'm currently rereading Death Note and I find myself falling in love with it all over again, I also plan on rewatching the anime with my fiancé soon, it's always been one of my absolute favorites alongside Tokyo Ghoul and Tokyo Ghoul : re.

2. My fiancé is ethnically South Asian and his native language is Bengali (he's also fluent in Urdu and Hindi which is pretty similar). We're both fluent in quite a few languages which is pretty awesome but in my case I only know European languages while he knows both South Asian and European (he's pretty awesome) so even though I already know the basics I've recently started really investing more of my time in trying to learn Bengali so I can one day surprise him by being able to hold a conversation, not to mention I love Bengali and Hindi music. 😁

3. The Arcana, I recently downloaded this game called The Arcana because I was searching for something interesting to play on my phone and it came up so I thought "Why not?" I've only been playing it for around 3 days but it seems pretty entertaining thus far and I love the art and mystery in it, it also has a very mystic vibe to it.

4. The Death Note original soundtrack, Death Note is wonderful in general and not only have I been obsessing over it all over again but also the music in it, it's just beautiful, I play it a lot around the house all day lately.

5. Fruit, I know this sounds weird but I've been eating a lot of fruit lately, probably because it's been extremely hot and fruit is fresh and juicy, I'm not sure but I've been definitely eating a lot of it, it's my favorite thing to eat at the moment.

5 things on my to-do list :

1. I'm currently organizing my daughter's birthday party, it's her first birthday and I'm a little obsessed with it, I'm a perfectionist and I want to make sure everything goes well, it's in less than a month and I've already got it all planned out so I'm pretty optimistic.

2. I've been wanting to watch an anime called Kakegurui, I've got my eyes on it for a good while so hopefully I'll start it soon!

3. Going to Europa-Park, we're planning on going a few days following my daughter's birthday and I'm super excited about it.

4. Take care of my mom's dog, my mom is going for a small trip this weekend and I'm supposed to take care of her dog so I'll have an extra baby in my home this weekend. 😁

5. Take care of the house, my usual domestic chores, do laundry, cook, keep the house clean, take care of my daughter, make sure she's safe, that's about it. 💛

(I feel for everyone that made it through reading this whole thing, I turned this into a proper interview :3 )

5 people to tag :

@mirrors-never-lie

@waternios

@haveanicedaymyself

@rilillia

@kit-kat57

🍓

#5 things tag #thank you so much for tagging me!!! ♥#I always have so much fun 😁#about me #tag game #tagged

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100albumcountdown · 6 years

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85. Michael Jackson - Thriller (1982)

What is there that can be said about Thriller these days? I’m no musicologist, I have no special knowledge or understanding about Michael Jackson or his music to bring to the table – I’m merely a fan who thinks this album is almost pop perfection. However, I am writing a blog about my favourite albums, so I do need to write something of my experience of this record. I grew up listening to my dad’s music – The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, The Moody Blues, Queen – but at some point when I was around 6, he bought home a brand new CD player. Alongside this new technology came a host of unfamiliar, new music – in the early days of CDs it took time for albums to be re-released and people were limited to buying from the selection that was initially available in the format. One such album was Michael Jackson’s Dangerous, a colossal album that was one of the first to really make full use of the longer, digital format. Upon listening, it completely opened my mind to the sounds of modern music. My older brother also took notice, and before long he’d gone out and bought copies of Bad and Thriller, which we both listened to endlessly on his new stereo. We didn’t really know anything about Jackson as a person back then, and we were only vaguely aware of the media hype and the eventual controversy that would hound him, but we were definitely swept up in the music itself. With time, Dangerous and Bad have both proven themselves to be a bit too patchy for me, and too defined by the anger and paranoia that crept into Jacksons work as his celebrity status and difficult personal life began to unravel – but Thriller has always keep it’s perfect sheen of exuberant pop perfectionism. Opening strong with the strange, shuffling beats and tribal chanting of ‘Wanna Be Starting Somethin’, following it up with epic hits like the snarling ‘Beat It’, the goofy title track ‘Thriller’ and the dark, watertight slink of ‘Billie Jean’, as well and the loose funk of the joyous album tracks ‘Baby Be Mine’ and ‘P.Y.T’. Quincy Jones’ flawless production wasn’t particularly forward looking, but it did combine disco, rock, funk and pop into one sensational whole, all polished into a gem of pure ear candy. The only thing that lets the album down for me is the ballads – ‘The Girl is Mine’ is initially a charming ditty, but it’s lustre fades fast leaving little behind, and the lyrics haven’t aged hugely well. ‘The Lady in my Life’ is Jackson at his most mawkish, a lounge music crooner that finishes the whole thing on a disappointingly unremarkable note. It’s still the biggest selling album of all time, so my opinion on the matter is merely a drop in the ocean – but it’s the album that’s been with me the longest on this whole list and I’m happy to say it’s barely aged at all in the 36 years since it was released. I wonder how many other albums we’ll be able to say the same for in future?

Also listen to: Off the Wall, Bad, Dangerous

#michael jackson #thriller #music geek #music lists #top 100 albums #favourite albums #music

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theoriesontheory · 3 years

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And I Get Up Again I Get Up Again I - (how I fell in love with producing again/the making of ‘overdue conversations’ pt. 3)

When I got home, the morning I decided to start my project, after going and getting my morning coffee I found that I had turned some internal dialogue into the intro of a song. The lines “where have you been? You’ve been lost inside you head” sung by my computer/the creative parts of myself to me seemed like an interesting place to start a song. I quickly recorded a voice memo.

found_sound.mp3

overdue conversation - voice memo

Even on that memo I sensed that this track was going to be a lot of different things because even in the two sections I had vaguely worked out in my head, the feeling was very different. The ever-changing feeling of this song has become what makes it stand out as unique to me when I look at what I have made so far. The reason it moves from section to section, constantly introducing new musical ideas rather than establishing one that we keep coming back to is this song was composed as it took shape.

What I mean is I made one of the synths in the intro using the mac start up noise (a little nod to the idea that my muse from within my computer is talking to me) and added a second subtle synth part and recorded scratch vocal for that part there. Then I laid down the 808 layer and some basic drums for the first section and recorded that section. And so, I progressed through the entire song. This meant that I was writing melodies and lyrics based on what I felt in the moment of creating the track. Initially I thought the song was going to take a more negative slant, the initial working title being ‘l0ser’ but the remember line turned it for me. I have been doing a lot of introspection recently and trying to document the things I think while I am at various points of mental health. This helps me put my thoughts into perspective and offers insights into triggers and, when used in moderation can be a place to draw ideas for lyrics from. When the line “remember, remember what you said when you were all alone” while it came from somewhere in my brain took me to nights where I felt like the world was falling down but I got back up. I got up because I have gotten up before and I have made promises to myself to keep getting up. The vocal performance on the bridge was completely improvised in a scratch take and the version that I use on the track was the second one I performed, it came from inside of me and that kind of reflected the point that I have landed on with this track.

For such a long time I have felt frozen by the pressure I put on myself to make things that blow people away. Ironically, I was taking what drew me to hyperpop initially, the raw, emotional, hyper nature of it and I was trying to make it fit in what I thought a perfect hyperpop song could be, and that wasn’t a fun way to make stuff. Eventually, through reflection, making stuff and just committing to what I wanted to achieve which was no longer a perfect song but being happy as a creator and artist with what I have made. I am reminded by some funny but poignant comments made by 100 gecs in an interview with pitchfork. Dyllan Brady said that his barometer for if a song was good was, he framed it in the context of his friend coming up to him and showing him the track. (2020) Most stuff, if you said your friend made it you would think was great and encourage their career. That is the new energy I am trying to manifest for my critique of my own work. The tempo change is a primary example of this kind of thinking. Tempo changes in my head are often corny and there are rules (in western music theory tradition) as to how you do them. Even in contemporary music there are rules about changing the tempos of songs in clubs for transitions. I wrote off drastic and sudden tempo changes as poor writing and bad technique. But as I was working on this song, I realised that the two sections I had in my head didn’t fit together if I tried to have them be at all the same speed, so I decided to have a set tempo for the intro and outro and bump up the tempo for the body of the piece. Once I had all the parts together, I went through a process of simplifying some parts, reducing them to what it needs to be added to the song. I have been trying to do this kind of minimalization in parts of songs because I tend to try and be impressive and show how much music I can do, which in some cases is the perfect thing to do but you shouldn’t have all parts of your song doing it at the same time. My initial kick and 808 pattern were quite busy and produced an off kilter, swinging style rhythm that was interesting to listen to, but in the context of this track I didn’t need a rhythm section that was super interesting and academically put together, I needed drums that were big and loud and fun and bass to go alongside.

Once all the parts were simplified to what they needed to be, I started to mix and process all of the signals. This is often where I find my experience block come in. While I have been working in the software for 10 years, only the past 5 have been focused years and even then, only in the past 2 have I begun to experiment with anything beyond recording acoustic music. I have been trying to listen to other songs in the genre to go to as reference tracks, for example I really like the way aldn treats their vocals. [a particular favourite of mine are the two different vocal treatments in: what was the last thing you said]. And the big, distorted section at the end of underscores spoiled little brat acted as a big inspiration for the breakdown section at the end of my track. Using these reference points, I took what I understand about audio editing (which to be fair is a solid amount and I try and learn more every time I do it) and tried to make the sounds I had “fit”. The most important part for me was not necessarily that the track sounded exactly like another song but more that all the parts of the song fit sonically together and, to draw from Dyllan, if my friend came up to me and said that they did this would I think it was sick and encourage them to do more? It was at this point I had two primary problems that took me some time and multiple attempts to figure out. The first was the vocal mix. Like I have mentioned before, auto-tune is not the magic bullet that a lot of critics seem to paint it as, I view it as another instrument that I have had to learn how to play, and the way I play it is through a combination of my voice and my computer. One thing I really like about vocals in hyperpop tunes is that they are very clean. They are obviously manipulated and modulated in various ways, but they are always clean, and clear. I struggled to get this sound until I was watching a video from Red Bull Music Lab where producer Kenny Beats and T-Pain make a song together - Kenny Beats and T-Pain Cook Up an Instant R&B Classic | Red Bull Remix Lab

It’s a video I have watched before but it’s funny and fun and inspiring to see two great artists work together and I just happened to notice that in the effects chain for T-Pain’s vocals, before anything else there was a gate, set very low with a low return. I saw it and instantly understood why it was there, the job of the auto-tune the way I use it is it essentially processes the entire voice, synthesising what was once an analogue recording. However, without the gate, not only was it having that effect on the lyrics being sung but also on the various ambient noise picked up from recording in my bedroom. This along with some creative EQ work and compression got the vocals to a place I was finally happy with.

The second issue was the bass part. After working on my All Eyes on Me Cover for a morning I returned to ‘overdue conversations’ and found that the bass part was sticking out in an obnoxious way, downing out the mix and not feeling settled. I then spent a couple of hours trying different sounds, moving the octave of the part, changing the part, changing other parts. I worked for a few hours before I gave up, and then worked on it a bit, and then gave up, and then worked on it a bit, and then gave up. Even that night as I was eating dinner, I had 808 patterns in my head. The next morning, I loaded up the session and had a listen. Aside from re-recording the pattern in some of the sections to give what was already there some space and let most of the drive and momentum come from the kick pattern and some mix/processing adjustments, what I had wasn’t that bad at all. Reflecting on this, I think it was a combination of mental and physical (ear) fatigue, that day being full of making stuff and listening and trying things and having ideas, as well as instantly comparing what I had at that point to the finished cover that I had just posted to social media and was already getting some love for. After taking a night to sleep on my ideas and coming back with fresh ears the next day I realised that what I thought was going to have to be a full re-record of everything late in the game turned into some subtle tweaks.

So, with all of that said, here is a finalised version of ‘overdue conversations’ which is pretty much ready for commercial/official release but I want to have a few songs put together before I release anything on public channels.

found_sound.mp3

'overdue conversations'

References: Patel, P. (Interviewer). (2020, November). Pitchfork Review: 100 Gecs and the Mystery of Hyperpop. [Audio Podcast]. Get Wired. https://open.spotify.com/episode/1UnB4gNxTsInfjur0iVXEP?si=NXGfknGtTqSId4z-XhKNeg&dl_branch=1

#CIM 401.2 #found_sound.mp3 #hyperpop #original song #new music #process #musician #music #work in progress #canberra #australia #hyperpop journey #autoethnograophy

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sawamura-daichis-thighs · 6 years

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take me away (anywhere with you)

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays @anunyun! I heard you were wishing for a MakoHaru canon-verse road-trip from Tokyo to Iwatobi for the holidays (a wonderful thing to wish for!). I hope you enjoy my take on it! ^^ It’s full of fluff, so be sure to have a toothbrush on hand lol 😂

Fandom: Free! Rating: T (for a tiny suggestive moment) Words: 3,690 Pairing: MakoHaru

“Hey Haru, how do you feel about going back to Iwatobi for the break?” Makoto asks one evening as they clean up from dinner. Haru pauses in his washing of the dishes, considering, though he really doesn’t need to think long on it.

It’s their first Christmas away from home and, while they have each other, Haru knows Makoto is homesick for his family. His video chats and phone calls have lasted longer each time as the holiday draws closer, his smiles tight at the edges every time he has to hang up.

So there’s no question, really.

“Sure,” he answers, passing Makoto a plate for drying. Makoto beams at him, eyes crinkling in his happiness, and he practically skips around the kitchen to put the dried dishes away. Haru watches him fondly.

Living in Tokyo has been a collection of learning experiences for the both of them—moving away, living on their own, meeting different people and exploring new places, creating new traditions in lieu of childhood routines, growing up without growing apart—so it’s always a pleasure to bring his best friend happiness in even the smallest ways.

Which leads Haru to his next proposal—something Makoto mentioned once in passing, at the beginning of their first semester of university. He hums a bit, drawing Makoto’s attention again, and suggests casually, “We could drive.”

Makoto’s eyes widen a bit in surprise. Haru knows what he’s thinking; that the trains would be undoubtedly faster, narrowing a nearly eight-hour car ride into a mere two, and avoiding the hellish Tokyo traffic congestion. Haru glances up at him through his bangs, meeting his eyes briefly before focusing on the dishes again. He shrugs, letting Makoto make the final call.

“I’d like that,” he replies softly, sounding a bit breathless. Haru glances at him again to find his smile even brighter than before, cheeks flushed the faintest of pinks. Smiling, Haru nods and hands Makoto another bowl.

Makoto giggles giddily, swooping down to place a chaste kiss to Haru’s cheek in excited gratitude, before dancing away again.

They decide to make the most of their two weeks of winter break, planning to use the ride home as a chance to sight-see before spending most of it catching up with the Tachibana’s and their old swim club. Makoto plans an tentative itinerary of desired destinations and packs nearly a week beforehand, too excited to sit still. He stays over at Haru’s apartment the night before, the rental car already packed and ready to go first thing in the morning. Still, he frets, because it’s not a trip if Makoto doesn’t fret just a little.

“You packed a scarf, right Haru? And gloves and a jacket?”

“It’s going to be around 15C,” Haru answers, flipping idly through Netflix in search of a movie. He pays no mind to Makoto’s pacing.

“Yeah during the day. What if we go out? You never know what Nagisa has up his sleeve,” Makoto counters, turning on his heel towards Haru’s bedroom. “I’ll grab your jacket just in case. Mom will have extra gloves at home.”

He returns a moment later, still fidgety, and exclaims, “What about your charger? And toothbrush? And—”

“Makoto,” Haru calls patiently, tilting his head back so he can peer behind him. They stare at each other for a moment, silent; Haru raises a brow expectantly. Makoto sighs, a sheepish smile upturning his lips, and makes his way over to the couch. Haru reaches out, gripping the hem of his shirt and yanking him down beside him before he can think up another thing to worry over.

“You’re right,” says Makoto, slumping so he can rest his head on Haru’s shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Haru assures him, releasing his shirt so he can run his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair soothingly. “We haven’t forgotten anything.”

“Okay,” the brunet acquiesces, snuggling closer and turning his face to the television. “So what’re we watching?”

Haru selects one of Makoto’s favorites, even though they’ve watched it a dozen times, because he knows it’ll relax him. They settle in, snuggling comfortably for a while until Haru breaks the silence with a soft question.

“Did you want to see the Skytree this year?”

Makoto hums, the sound vibrating through Haru’s shoulder, before answering, “Maybe when we get back. I think I’d like to spend as much of the break as possible with everyone back home. Does that sound okay?” He stirs, adjusting so he can look up at Haru through his bangs, light from the movie reflecting in his eyes.

Haru smiles, carding his fingers through the slightly-too-long fringe—Tachibana-san is going to fuss when they get home—pushing it away to reveal Makoto’s forehead. He leans forward to press a kiss there, murmuring, “Sounds perfect.”

They leave almost before sunrise the next day with hopes of visiting Mount Hakone first. After double-checking that all of their bags are in the trunk, alongside gifts for the twins, Nagisa, and Rei, they only bicker lightly about who should drive for about five minutes. Haru wins, partially because he has the car keys since he rented it and partially because he makes a valid point about Makoto hating city traffic. Makoto pouts, but can’t exactly argue, and plops down in the passenger seat.

Haru offers him control of the radio as a truce, which immediately returns a smile to his best friend’s face. They weave through the early morning traffic, Haru listening with half an ear as Makoto chatters excitedly about their destination. Just escaping city limits takes hours; Makoto falls back to sleep before they’re even out of Shibuya. Haru lets him, knowing the unpredictable traffic makes him anxious, keeping the music low as he navigates them onto the Tomei Expressway.

Makoto wakes some time later, asking groggily, “Where are we?”

“Kanagawa,” Haru answers, “Yamakita isn’t far.”

“What!” Makoto exclaims, eyes wide as his jaw drops, “We’re almost to Mount Hakone! Haru, why didn’t you wake me so we could find a rest-stop and switch out?”

Haru shrugs. “You needed the rest and I didn’t need to stop.”

“Haruuu,” Makoto admonishes, exasperated. Haru doesn’t say anything so the subject is dropped in favor of Makoto noticing the song that’s playing quietly in the background. He perks up, reaching to turn up the volume.

“I love this song!” he gushes, launching into song at the next line. His voice is smooth, certain, with no hint of embarrassment at the volume he’s belting out lyrics. Haru smiles at the sound; Makoto’s singing voice is one of his favorites.

They continue that way for the remainder of the ride with Haru even joining in on some songs when he knows them well enough (though he keeps his singing considerably lower). They roll the windows down to let in the pleasant December breeze as the radio blares; it pulls playfully at their hair, tossing sun-kissed brown into crinkled green-eyes as Makoto sings, head bobbing to the beat enthusiastically. Haru can’t help the smile that tilts his lips at the sight and isn’t surprised when Makoto seems to sense his gaze, turning to grin happily at him.

He takes Haru’s hand from where it rests on his knee, bringing it to his lips to kiss Haru’s knuckles tenderly. His eyes are bright with love, if not a little cheekiness too. Haru feels the tips of his ears heat up at the action but he doesn’t pull away.

(He’ll never pull away.)

“This is amazing!” Makoto breathes in awe, staring out at the expanse of Lake Ashi from the side of the boat taking them to the Hakone checkpoint at the base of the mountain so they can begin their hike. “Haru! We should—”

He stops with a shriek; the pounding of his footsteps across the deck alert Haru that he’s run out of time. Makoto’s faster than ever today—he’s barely out of his shirt—so Haru doesn’t struggle when Makoto yanks him away from the edge of the railing.

“Haru are you crazy?” Makoto scolds, picking up his jacket from the floor and pulling it over Haru’s shoulders as he proceeds to re-dress him. Haru pouts at him but lets him have his way, gazing longingly at the rippling blue water.

Chilly palms grasp his face, squishing his cheeks together as Makoto tilts Haru’s head up to meet his reprimanding gaze. Haru shrugs innocently, mumbling around his cheeks awkwardly, “But look at it.”

“I know it’s beautiful,” Makoto replies patiently; he squishes Haru’s cheeks together a bit more, green eyes boring into Haru’s as he continues, slow and stern, “But it’s December, Haru.”

And in the face of his boyfriend’s utmost seriousness, Haru can’t hold back his grin, amusement bubbling over in a laugh that seems to startle Makoto before he, too, is chuckling. They giggle together for a moment before he leans down to press his forehead against Haru’s, whispering against his pursed lips, “You’re ridiculous.” He kisses him then, leisurely, lips just slightly chapped by the winter wind that’s sharper here on the water than it is on the road to home, but Haru doesn’t mind in the least.

After a day spent hiking the Old Tokaido road, Haru is seriously considering diving into Lake Ashi more than ever but Makoto promises a surprise (that apparently includes copious amounts of water) so Haru restrains himself from jumping ship.

Makoto drives this time, both because only he knows where their next destination is and because he pick-pocketed the keys from Haru at some point on the trail. (Haru wonders what other questionable talents the city has taught his boyfriend; he asks as much but Makoto just levels a smirk at him and opens his car door like a gentleman without a word.)

He tries not to doze off during the ride, especially with the golds of evening chasing them down unfamiliar roads, but Makoto reaches over to hold his hand, thumbing over his knuckles rhythmically, and before he realizes it Haru’s on the cusp of dreams.

He wakes to the sound of Makoto shutting the trunk, stirring into awareness as the brunet opens the passenger-side door to gently shake him. He makes a questioning sound, rubbing at his eyes while Makoto explains he’s brought them to an onsen for the night. As the realization sinks in, Haru finds his sleepiness rapidly fading away; Makoto also seems to notice, chuckling fondly as he steps back for Haru to get out.

Apparently Makoto already took care of renting a room while Haru was napping, so he leads them straight to it, pointing out the way to the onsen as they walk. They drop off Haru’s overnight bag and grab their towels before practically power-walking to the baths.

It’s remarkably empty when they enter, only an older man and a father with his young son occupying the far end of the spring. Haru doesn’t wait, ignoring Makoto’s calls of ‘slow down or you’ll slip!’, though he does refrain from diving in like he wants. Instead, he steps in before promptly dropping himself until the water level is just under his nose. A content sigh has his shoulders sagging, the warmth of the water relaxing his muscles in a way nothing else quite can.

Makoto follows behind, chuckling to himself at the satisfied image Haru is apparently portraying, stepping in at a much more unhurried pace. He settles comfortably beside him, their knees knocking lightly with their proximity, taking Haru’s hand under the water and lacing their fingers together easily.

They stay like that without keeping track of time, only realizing how much has passed when the other inhabitants bid a polite good-night as they leave. Haru uses the opportunity to swim around lazily, more coasting where the current takes him than through any real effort on his part. Makoto observes him with a smile, eyes half-lidded and complacent as he leans back against the stone lip of the spring, arms spread on either side. Haru watches droplets slide over the gold of his skin—down the column of his throat, over the slopes of his shoulders, in between the divots of his chest—disappearing into shadows cast by the lamplight behind him.

“Today was a good day,” he sighs out eventually, tipping his head back to gaze at the stars. Haru glides back towards him, floating forward until his hands brush against Makoto’s chest, sliding up the wet contours to wrap loosely around his neck. The brunet rolls his head to gaze at him, undeniably more alert now, as Haru settles himself over his lap. Carding his fingers through his hair, Haru presses closer so they’re chest to chest, the sensation of Makoto’s quickening pulse filling him with a small sense of pride.

He murmurs breathlessly against Makoto’s mouth, “Let’s make it better.”

The first half of the next day is spent lazing about the onsen, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere for themselves before finally deciding to pack up and continue their trip. This time they agree on taking turns driving, making routine rest-stops to stretch or eat before heading off again.

They make their way to Kyoto first to pay a visit to the Fushimi Inari-Taisha Shrine where Makoto marvels at the seemingly unending Torii pathway, winding through the trees like a red string of fate, and nearly bruises Haru’s wrist in his grip when he see the glimpse of a fox.

Then it’s onward to Osaka, where they spend two days and nights just to visit both Kaiyukan Aquarium and the Festival of Light. They leave with a new dolphin and orca plushie, respectively, and a phone photo album full of dazzling pictures to show their friends later (many of which are candids of Haru, a rainbow of colors highlighting his features, but Makoto promises to keep those to himself). They even manage to grab dinner at a KFC, much to Makoto’s delight.

Finally, they’re nearly home, cruising down the highway towards Iwatobi, glimpses of familiar ocean playing peek-a-boo across the landscape. Something settles in Haru at the scent of salt in the air, relaxing his shoulders in a way only home can; he notices it in Makoto too, how his features soften with nostalgia. They glance at each other, smiles giddy with anticipation, and Haru presses the gas pedal just a little harder.

They’re only roughly thirty minutes away when Makoto says, “Oh! Haru, could we stop by the Hakuto Shrine first?”

Haru slows down a bit, more than a little surprised that Makoto wants to make another stop when they’re so close to home—so very close to his family again—but considers the request.

“You don’t want to go straight home?” he asks to be sure. Makoto smiles softly, shrugging as he replies, “It’ll only add a few more minutes to the trip. Let’s stop for a moment.”

Seeing no reason to say no, Haru alters their course to visit the renowned “Lovers Sanctuary”.

They stop by the shrine office first to get their ema and Musubi Ishi stones and then head towards the shrine gate. Haru holds up the heart-shaped plaque, scrutinizing it’s cute design. The white rabbit decorating it seems to stare back.

“They really go all-out here, huh,” he mutters, lowering it to his side.

Makoto laughs lightly, looking at his own as he says in a playful reprimand, “Well, it is dedicated to the oldest love story in Japan. It suits it, don’t you think?” Haru merely turns his head and foregoes responding, which only causes Makoto to laugh again.

They pass through the gate and pause at the rabbit statues surrounded with previous visitors’ Musubi Ishi. Makoto closes his eyes in a silent wish before placing his own stone amongst the others. He looks at Haru expectantly, waiting.

Haru isn’t sure what he’s supposed to wish for. Something related to love, obviously, like ‘I wish for true love’ or ‘please allow us another year of happiness’.

But those wishes feel stilted, something new or inexperienced lovers would ask for; not them.

Because ever since he can remember, Haru has always known he loves Makoto.

From the time they were children there has been this innate feeling of warmth that fills his chest whenever he’s around the green-eyed boy; a desire to be close, to protect, to cherish. It has never faltered, even during times he was unsure of himself, or what might become of them, unceasingly washing over him in waves throughout the years, often at the most unexpected moments.

He always knew that what he feels for Tachibana Makoto is not something that can be replaced or altered.

So when he was old enough to put a name to the concept, there was no doubt that ‘love’ was the perfect descriptor. He came to this conclusion—I love Makoto—and that was that.

Later it became clear that love has many facets, can be felt in a myriad of ways, and he knew just as certainly that he not only loved his best friend, but was in love too.

Eventually, though, it was obvious he couldn’t just know he loved Makoto—he had to ensure Makoto knew as well. And while many things between them could remain unsaid, understood with only a glance or gesture, this was something that deserved to be told.

So he did, without preamble as he does most things, and has not once felt disappointed or regretful of it. He hopes it’s the same for Makoto.

Finally, a wish forms clearly in his mind. ‘I wish he’ll never doubt the extent of my feelings.’ he prays, placing the stone among the others. He meets Makoto’s patient gaze and takes his free hand, tugging him forward to tie their ema at the shrine.

It’s quiet on the path, the salty breeze playing in their hair as they walk, comfortable in their own thoughts, and Haru knows he would not trade what he holds in his hand for the world.

When they finally arrive on the Tachibana’s doorstep they don’t even have the chance to knock before the door is slammed back to reveal two ecstatically screaming twins.

Haru catches Ren as he launches himself, arms wrapping around his waist, while Ran tackles Makoto, both talking so fast and loud it’s impossible to fully understand them. But Makoto laughs and nods along, lifting Ran into his arms for a bear hug, his smile so wide it’s brought tears to his eyes. Haru watches him as his siblings surround him, his own smile making his cheeks ache.

Makoto’s parents arrive next, exclamations of “Welcome home!” and “We’ve missed you two!” accompanying rib-cracking hugs. They’re ushered inside with the twins still talking a mile a minute. The scent of mackerel and curry drifts from the kitchen, reminding them of their skipped lunch with loud growls from their stomachs that send the twins into a fit of giggles. Tachibana-san grins knowingly at them, clapping a hand on their shoulders before he steps into the kitchen to check on their meals.

The warmth of home and family seeps into Haru as they’re fussed over; he catches Makoto’s eye over Tachibana-san’s head as she flutters her hands over him, zeroing in on his longer hair. Makoto grins, agreeing easily with his mother as she demands to give him a trim before he returns to university, his cheeks flushed with happiness.

They spend the evening catching up on each other’s lives over dinner before Ren and Ran drag them off to their bedroom to show off new belongings and school projects. Makoto gives them their Tokyo souvenirs, sending them into a new frenzy as they rush to show their parents. They finally convince the kids to settle down for a round of video games and aren’t the least bit surprised when they fall asleep on either boys’ laps.

Haru watches quietly as Makoto pats his sister’s hair, running his fingers through its length to gently comb out any tangles, his smile small and soft with love. They eventually pick the twins up and carry them to bed, tucking them in with kisses to their foreheads.

For a while they join Makoto’s parents in the living room to chat a little more; Makoto fills them in on classes and the places they visited on the way while they report any new occurrences from home. The even drone of their voices lulls Haru into a drowsy state and he slumps sideways to rest his head against Makoto’s shoulder, unwilling to pull him away from his family before he’s ready.

Tachibana-san smiles at him, her eyes soft with understanding, and waits for a pause in the conversation to suggest they continue it tomorrow. Makoto agrees, turning his head to press a light kiss to the tip of Haru’s nose.

Later, once they’re freshly bathed and comfortable in Makoto’s bedroom, lying side by side on two guest futons now that they’re much too big to fit in Makoto’s old bed, Haru reaches out to brush Makoto’s bangs away from his eyes, just admiring. Moonlight plays hide-and-seek in the green, turning them a deep shade of emerald. Makoto hums in contentment, pliant to Haru’s whims as sleep beckons him. Haru traces his fingertips down the ridge of his nose, over the slope of his cheekbone until he stops to cup his jaw, thumbing the soft skin absentmindedly. Makoto sighs through his nose, lips curving upward at the attention.

The wish from earlier drifts like smoke to the forefront of his consciousness. Haru feels the words building up in his chest, warmth blooming like a firework between his ribs, so he breathes them out into the quiet between them:

“I love you.”

Makoto’s eyes flutter open, half-lidden and sleepy, his smile widening. He cups his hand over Haru’s, tilting his chin to place a kiss against Haru’s palm as he murmurs back, “Love you too.” Another content sigh and he’s drifted to sleep, lulled by the warmth of Haru pressed against him.

Haru spends a while longer admiring him, basking in the affection that feels almost as if it’s overflowing, before the familiar sounds of their hometown usher him off to join Makoto in dreams.

#mhgiftexchange2017 #makoharu fanfiction #makoharu #free! iwatobi swim club #free!#anunyun #kat's f! fics

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herselfportrait · 5 years

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INTERVIEW: THEO POLYZOIDES (KING NUN)

(Written for Let it Happen)

We’re in a strange room in Sheffield’s Café Totem. It has dark red walls, plastered white in small patches as if someone had shot holes in it. It’s sparsely furnished: two old sofas sit among open guitar cases and equipment; I am sat on one of them, King Nun’s Polyzoides is sat on the other. The band have had a meteoric rise to success in the last year, joining Dirty Hit’s coterie alongside The 1975, Wolf Alice and Japanese House. Since their emergence in 2016, the London four-piece have whipped up a following that is growing like an epidemic. Their debut EP ‘I Have Love’, a collection of violent and vulnerable songs, have been drip-fed to us, each one a slightly different shade. King Nun have never been so versatile, and never made it look quite so easy.

“One thing that we’re trying to do is absolutely be a punk band with a violent direction, but see if we can take away the clichés that are often associated with it.” Theo said. “That’s what we tried to achieve with ‘I Have Love’: I went through a beautiful, magnificent breakup – it really was fantastic – and because of that, when we went into band practice, I was like ‘Guys, I think we should do an EP just full of love songs’ - but love songs with a violent intent in sound. I was exploring this whole idea of how you can have catharsis from a punk song, and how you can learn to help your situation through being completely down and out.”

Love songs, for a band with a reputation for lo-fi songs that spit and snarl, would seem like a contradiction. “We said we’d make the EP into a much cleaner thing” he began to explain. “We’d take down the distortion a bit and all the effects, so the aim was that you could play any of these songs acoustically and it would still come across like a punk song. We wanted it to be punk and rock’n’roll, but the messages behind it and the way they would be conveyed would be like an old-fashioned love song. Over the way that it was produced and recorded, these things kind of blended together.” The contradiction in style what made ‘I Have Love’ come together: Theo’s vocals cut sharply through a runaway instrumental on ‘Chinese Medicine’, whereas ‘Heavenly She Comes’ sees King Nun throw caution to the wind, drowning in a morass of sound.

Something you’d never have supposed is that Theo was deeply influenced by folk songs during the EP’s production. Though you’d think folk music was the furthest thing from King Nun’s punk identity, Theo explains how the two aren’t as many worlds apart as you might think: “’Revelator’ by Gillian Welch cuts to the bone so hard it may as well be a punk song. It has this initial machine gun reaction, yet it’s completely clean, single-stringed acoustic. Her voice is very, very delicate. The bridge between these two things, between a really toned-down folk song and a really in-your-face punk song is almost the same effect - it’s just a different message. Bob Dylan’s more more down to earth sings like ‘Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright’ has the same effect as something that just explodes in your face. In some ways, it’s far more cutting than that. The marriage of these two things is not entirely ridiculous.”

Despite a smattering of singles which laid the foundations for their success, ‘I Have Love’ was King Nun’s first, official body of work. The pressure was, at times, taxing on Theo’s creativity: it was the first time he stumbled into a writer’s block. “We were working on a new project that we’re actually still working on now, and we’d just finished the EP. I was still thinking about it, because we had to keep going in and re-recording little bits and still deciding if we were going to have a particular song on the EP or not. The time came to do the lyrics for this massive project which has got loads of songs in it, and I just couldn’t come up with anything good at all. The way that I ended up getting through it was just writing absolute gibberish and trying to decode what the hell I was talking about. I just started setting up scenarios almost like scriptwriter, writing out narratives and scenes. Narrative is something that I’m really trying to work on and progress on, so I think focusing on that particular thing I knew I wasn’t so good at was really what got me through. Starting from then, it began to make sense. Repeatedly hitting my head against a wall is how I got past it.” he joked.

It's a question all bands grapple with, right from the start all the way up to the highest rung of the ladder. At what point can Theo sit back and think, ‘Yeah, we’ve made it’? “That’s an incredibly difficult question to answer.” he admits. “The mantra of how we do things is to inspire as we have been inspired on as large a scale as possible. We’ve seen it before when someone would put our band name next to a band that inspired us initially, or comparing our sound to theirs, and us thinking ‘Maybe they felt the same listening to us as they did listening to them?’, and maybe in turn what we felt listening to that particular band. We want to reach a level where we’re playing the venues that we’ve always freaked out over when we were growing up.”

The elephant in the room was the fact that King Nun had the golden ticket: they are one of the Dirty Hit elite. For a band as humble as they are to be part of a label where the likes of Matty Healy and Ellie Rowsell trample their way to the top of the album charts in their jadons for the fun of it, what was it like getting signed? “We went there thinking we were going to get a specific deal. Then we spoke to Jamie O’Borne, the man in charge, and he had so much more passion for our music than we’d ever seen in any label before. It would often happen when we’d have to say ‘Have you heard our band? Do you even like the music?’, because they’d have this whole façade where they’d sign you and then you’d go off and do some shit. But Jamie was so invested and so excited, it was really exciting for us – we got excited about our own band. The deal that we got offered showed he had considerably more faith than we’d ever dreamed of.”

Apart from when his superstitions get the better of him, saluting magpies and clicking his fingers to have all the luck he can get for a gig – a surprisingly exhausting thing to do - what challenges does Theo and King Nun face at this point in their careers? “I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, and it’s super awkward and weird, but our biggest challenge is dealing with an audience that’s a bit out of control, or certain characters who are just up to no good, whether that be being violent, or whatever. The thing is, from there, you’ve got to address that. We came up with ‘Greasy Hotel’ so we could come up with an opening, so that I wouldn’t have to dive into it out of nowhere, and know that’s what we’re about straight from the off. Especially for new bands, it’s a really daunting feeling to realise that something might go down and you’re responsible to fix that. Aside from that,” he shrugs, “I’m fucking chill.”

You can’t really ask questions about the release of an EP without the inevitable "album question". Though bands, as a general rule, never want to reveal their secrets (a bit like magicians), this is what Theo could tell: “‘The album is going to get super dark, super fucked up. By playing punk music, suddenly I developed an appetite for ‘I want to write some shit. I want to see blood and gore and veins and the teeth.’ I want to create something that’s haunting in places and just really disturbed in others. Then, narratively, I want to tie it all in a lift at the end, which is my favourite kind of ending. It’s not going to be as happy as ‘I Have Love’: it’s going to be dystopian.”

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