#it just means there is still a serious need to confront it which wont be super pretty

[chirpsythismorning]

📝 💐 🛼 💔⏪️💭🧊🌄❤️‍🩹

I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

previous ⏪︎ now playing ⏩ next back to playlist

[stevie-petey]

could we perchance get a lil blurb about why/how reader and dustin started their code blues, or maybe just one of their code blues before all the upside down stuff started ? love seeing their sibling relationship always and i think seeing them talking and sharing emotions with each other would be really sweet <3

dustin n reader <333 babies <333

enjoy !

"just because dad left it doesnt mean you can be a bitch."

dustins words cut through you like knives.

"okay, first off, never use that word towards a girl ever again." he rolls his eyes at you and you flick his nose, which he scoffs at. "secondly, i have no idea what youre talking about."

dustin again rolls his eyes. "yeah, you do. youve been a real b- i mean, a real jerk lately."

you want to argue with him, but the words dont seem to come. all you seem to do lately is argue with everyone. and now, confronted with your little brother calling you bitch, you find that youre exhausted.

"i have, havent i?" you finally admit.

dustin nods. "yeah."

you forget sometimes how smart the kid can be. hes only nine and yet here he is, calling you out for actions you shouldve noticed yourself. hes too young to be worrying about this.

"im sorry,"

"its okay. i get it. he sucks, doesnt he?"

"he does, but im still sorry for being such a bitch."

"i thought we couldnt use that word."

you ruffle dustins hair. "nope, youre not allowed to. i am, though."

he sighs, as if expecting that response, and starts to walk out your room. the conversation doesnt feel finished yet, however, and you call after him. "wait!'

"i gotta pee."

"okay, and i told you to wait."

he groans but sits back down on your bed. "do you wanna... talk?"

"ew!"

"i know, but... im serious, buddy. we havent really talked since dad left and i realize i kinda suck as a big sister right now." you feel guilt crawling up your throat, one of the few emotions youve felt these last few days. your dad left a few weeks ago, but sometimes it feels like its been a lifetime.

"you dont suck," dustin reassures you. "youre just... scary right now."

you snort. "yeah, like thats any better."

its quiet now, and dustin sits stiffly against your bed. he seems scared being so close to you, as if you could erupt any second, and you feel horrible for it. youre not sure what you can do, though. theres still so much anger within you, resentment and betrayal, and you dont know how to express so much without hurting those around you.

then, an idea comes to you.

"what about this. we'll call it a code blue."

dustin looks up at you, curious. "whats a code blue?"

"well, my dear brother, its something we'll do when we cant express how we feel or when we think the other sibling needs to have a talk. whenever one of us calls a code blue, the other has to answer honestly and listen as best as they can. once its over, we never bring it up again and we conclude with a hug. hows that sound?"

he thinks for a moment. "honest about anything?"

"mhm,"

"alright. i think that could work. seems less emotional."

you laugh. "i figured youd like that part."

"so... code blue?" dustin asks hesitantly.

"code blue."

you tell dustin everything, explaining why youve been so destructive and bitter and mean. he listens as best as any nine year old can, and as you tell him everything, the weight that had been pressing against your chest these last few weeks begins to lessen. slowly, during the code blue, it becomes easier to breathe.

when youre finally done, right as the last words leave your lips, dustin throws his arms around you. "i love you."

you bring a hand to his hair and kiss the top of his head. "i love you, too. dont let me get all mean again, yeah?"

"i wont."

"good."

[wolfcrunch]

I think part of the reason the apology feels like its not the final step is that Deku really hasn't acknowledged what has happened to him yet. He downplays it a lot, I think he called it teasing at some point in the manga? I think that because of the apology, because he gets to hear from someone that they hurt him and that they are sorry, he's going to have to acknowledge that he was hurt to himself, and in turn that means he wasn't worthless, that people were unfairly calling him that. During war arc he said don't be the worthless Deku who couldn't save anyone, so clearly he internalized the idea that he is worthless if he can't be of use, which means he wasn't bullied, but teased. But being forced to confront the fact that he was bullied, I think this will be one of the things that allows him to move forward into accepting that he was worth. Basically, Deku flashback to childhood at some point this final act methinks, and personally I believe it might also have something to do with Hisashi arriving.

pretty much! the way deku and bkg view what bkg did is very different - bkg sees what he did now as awful and how he wants to atone bc his own insecurities as being seen as lesser or weak, i suppose, took priority over him just being able to accept help. while like you said, deku sees it as a lot less serious, like teasing. he needs to acknowledge just how unfair and unjust the treatment towards him was, and how it left so much of an impact on himself. he internalized a lot of what he went through to the point where it became part of his normal, when he never should have.

thats why its good hori never tried to rush the apology - because pre-war arc, i dont think deku would have really considered what he went through much unless someone properly sat him down and tried to explain it, and even then we know deku to be pretty stubborn tbh. but now post-war and villain hunt, with him seeing more of their society and after everything else thats affected him, how much he's the same person but still changed, he can hopefully let his eyes open a little more and be able to fully acknowledge the hurt he must've gone through for all those years. and he probably wont want to with everything else he's dealing with - but its important that he does, he cant keep it bottled up. he deserves to let his thoughts and feelings on the matter be heard as well.

but omg if it was connected to hisashi's arrival in any way.... if hori does any sort of deku flashback arc/mini arc or smth i'll cry. because we really havent seen a lot when it comes to deku...

[thewildomega]

Master list - Hobbit

Thorin Oakenshield 

Alpha Dwarf - So this is my first Hobbit fan fic. Yay! So basically this is an alpha Thorin and Omega Reader Fanfic. Will do more. Just a story I came up with in my head. Let me know what ya'll think.

For Me? -  Hi uhm, could you maybe do a birthday fic plz? My birthday is coming up in 11 days and i was just wondering. Uh maybe make it something like a thorin or kili x reader and they find out her birthday is that day? And then they like go to all this trouble to set up a really nice day for reader and then like smutty at the end maybe?(if not comfy with smut its cool) and just something cute plz? Tyvm! Love your work btw. Sorry you wont be around much longer Youre great(not tryin to be rude at all)

Short

Lion, Wizards and Dwarves oh my! - From the ask... After the battle of five armies. Thorin is currently courting you, you´re not from Middle-Earth originally and he had for beginning high doubts about you but you proved him wrong and he fell in love with you. Erebor is in peace and is thriving. But that happiness isn´t going to last as an dwarrowdam from the Iron Hills arrives in Erebor with hopes that Thorin Oakenshield would agree to marry her after all these years. She was in love with him when she saw him in the Blue Mountains, Thorin was kind to her but didn´t love her. When she discovers that Thorin has already found his One and it´s a human girl she vows to have her revenge because of the broken heart. She finds a wizard who casts a spell on him which turns him into huge black lion. When you see Thorin in lion form you´re panicking because you don´t know it´s Thorin but luckily he can still communicate with you. So now you´re forced to deal with Erebor´s kingly duties with male lion beside you and that causes quite a few hilarious commotions around the corridors time to time. Luckily Balin has been able to make contact with Gandalf who is on his way to help you.... ( A/n: oh you are lucky I love you! will be a two part fic)

Different Kind of Afterlife - When Thorin is killed by Azog the defiler he drifts off into what he expects to be the afterlife but things are not as he thought they would be. Based off of a dream I had. Story was too good to pass up, Hope ya like it.

Porn Star Dancing - Quick drabble of Thorin being stuck in our world for a while and living with the reader and learning what it is she does for a living. Way out of my comfort zone but writing for a friend for her birthday. Hope you like it and let me know what ya'll think.

Born this Way - Elves and Dwarves despise each other so for someone to be of both races would be considered a down right freak of nature, a mistake. Hated by everyone because of what you are you find it hard to believe when Gandalf, one of your only friends asks you to help your fathers race. You knew you would not be accepted but maybe a king will learn a lesson or two along the way...

The Sick Thief - Hi. I'm sick rn and I was wondering if I could get a fan fiction where the dwarves have returned to the mountain and Thorin has the dragon sickness? His s/o is bed ridden with a terrible cold and he assumes that that means she took his stone, so he barges into her room to confront her and sees her having a coughing fit. When he tries to talk to her he hears how congested she is? Thank you, I know this is a lot. (I'm still sick btw... Ugh!) Lol.

Rut Tired - Got this a while back and I am a horrible person that has only yet to start it but here it is. Basically you are Thorin's intended mate but he is an alpha and you are human and normal. Thankfully she is letting me use some of her work for inspiration. Sorry again for it taking so long.

The Hunt - So I was asked to write more Alpha Thorin fics and yall all know those are my thing so here you go. Basically Omegas are rare and in the dwarven community priceless. So when one is born and comes of age they are forced to go on a run and be hunted like sport to see who their alpha will be.

Darkness - When Thorin finds out that Reader helped Bilbo give away his Arkenstone he decides to make an example of her.

Beorn

The Bear and the Wolf - Beorn is the eldest son of the king of bears. He is known best by his clan for being incredibly strong and overbearing at times. So what will happen when he is brought face to face with the girl he has been arranged to marry, the only daughter of the alpha wolf. Will he force the free spirited shewolf to change? Many trials lie ahead for the totally opposite skin changers. But will they make it through it?

Not Enough - Reader overhears Gandalf and beorn talking about a proper mate for him.

Colliding Worlds - Beorn had accepted that he would die alone. That he was the last skin changer but what if he was wrong. What is two wizards knew of another that had been sent away when the orcs came.

Less of a Man - Was thinking what it must have been like for beorn in azog's prisons.

Frisky Bear - Hi OMG i just wanted to say I love you Beorn stories and I was wondering if you were going to do more with the Less of a man series? also was wondering if you could do one with him where maybe the bear him like gets frisky towards his wife or whatever....NOT bestiality or anything but maybe just little stuff. If not I understand I'm weird I know. Sorry. Thanks.

Hidden Status 

Bofur

Down in Goblin Town - Bofur must hide his wife from the goblin

When you’re Ready - so need a bofur imagine; preferably one about being lost in the tolkien world from our own and he takes you in, until he learns you're an omega and his instincts are to watch over you until you're ready to be his mate!!

Sometimes Serious - Just some Bofur fluff. Pre hobbit.

Dwalin

Fight like a Girl - Unexpected events convince Dwalin that his wife needs to learn to fight. don't know how good is going to turn out but oh well. Just a little thing I thought of before bed.

Thranduil

Hold Still - The elf king has to get a hair cut and doesn't like it. Written for my best friend hope you feel better soon.

Say Too Much - Trade up for my dear Ashely_Winchester_77... could you do Thranduil x reader where they have been fighting. And he almost loses her to orc in battle. And fluff happens later, plz! :-)... now i get my beorn fic YAY!

[onepunchmiss]

Thoughts on Zombieman as of WC Ch 131 (basically I’m sad)

So, as has been addressed several times now the past couple days (thanks @gottahaveguts and @handlewcaare u feed my brain), Zombieman is straight up Not Having A Good Time Right Now. And so naturally I have been overthinking why he's putting himself in this situation, and maybe a little bit where he could be going.

So with the most recent developments in the webcomic, we get confirmation that Zombieman has not been seen since going to Dr. Genus about his limiter.  As narration pointed out in webcomic ch. 130, Z is not one to cut off contact on his own normally. While they interpret this as him being in danger and in need of rescue, we as readers are fully aware that this is in fact exactly what he did. It’s safe to say that he doesn't want to be found.

And regarding the limiter, I should wonder why he didn't confront Saitama first. As far as we know, Zombieman doesn't know that Saitama's own power is a mystery to himself, so I would have thought that Z being a pretty logical and goal-oriented guy, would consult the guy with the experience of successfully obtaining the exact thing he wants first, directly. Obviously we know this wouldn't get him very far, Genos is the living testament to that, but he doesn't know that.

But no, what does he do instead? He goes straight to a guy who only witnessed that power, a guy who has already himself admitted that it made no sense and effectively broke his will to continue his former research. Genus more or less admitted he didn't know how breaking a limiter was possible the first time Zombieman confronted him, stating it defied all common sense.

And on top of this, we already are very aware that Zombieman is NOT fond of his time at the House of Evolution. Genus recounts earlier that same confrontation that Z went on a rampage to escape the HoE, destroying the facility in the process. Then, over the span of 10 years while finding an identity as an extremely successful S class hero, he had still been tracking and monitoring them with the intention to dismantle the HoE and kill Genus. Alsooo during this confrontation, might I add, is the only time in the series we see him lose his cool and legitimately start straight up yelling with next to no provocation.

Genus was just sitting there with some takoyaki, yet the axe and emotions were raised high.

Zombieman generally appears to be pretty sensitive to the value of human life, and does not like his own humanity being questioned, which presumably stems from him being the product of the HoE's experimentation. While admittedly not as intense as the above image, he's pretty obviously pissed at Amai for accusing him of being a monster at the MA raid meeting. Its a touchy subject.

So it’s safe to say that even though we saw him talk it out with Genus, only sparing him once he was sufficiently convinced the HoE was truly disbanded, Zombieman clearly has a lot of trauma tied to Genus and his experiments. For him to go back to Genus and demand to be experimented on, without even pursuing the first and most obvious lead he has on limiters, and to do so with out telling a single person where he was going, is freaking insane.

Basically, what I’m seeing is the behavior of someone with serious self worth issues culminating in drastic self destructive behavior. He's taking an extreme and reckless route rather than finding positive constructive ways of dealing with any feelings of inadequacy and self doubt, and honestly I'm sure he knows this. This whole thing could hypothetically be a death sentence for him and he's just... throwing himself at it full force, no turning back. To him, he must do everything he can, there is no other option. I mean, let’s not forget this bit.

"Thus, as if he wanted that" Z, pls no

He can, will, and has thrown himself into situations he knows are impossible and could end him- he wont allow any less of himself. And now he’s done it again in Genus's basement. The degree to which his experience in the HoE really affects him isn't well defined, but I think there’s enough evidence to say that it does affect him pretty negatively. Purposefully exposing yourself to trauma/triggers is a legitimate for of self harm, and I get the impression that Zombieman forcing himself to undergo some excruciating process at the hands of the very person responsible for his likely trauma, without telling a single person of his whereabouts, when there are other more obvious courses of action available, is just as much a form of self-punishment as it is him legitimately seeking to improve and grow stronger. Subconscious or not.

I'm worried, because I obviously don’t think he's going to break his limiter. Narratively I have no idea how that could work, it’s just not going to happen. So then... whats next for Zombieman? Whats it going to take for him snap out of this all-or-nothing mentality he's seemingly developed in regards to himself, since his sense of self-preservation is kinda missing? He’s putting himself through all this agony, but how’s he going handle the realization that we can’t achieve his goal? I’m so curious as to what kind of story is One trying to tell with him. There’s a high level of intrigue surrounding his character, and he’s received a good amount of emphasis compared to other S class members we’ve yet to focus on (like Pig God or Watchdog Man) so I’d say he’s about due for some sort or character arc. And now that he’s dabbling in the limiter business, which is like, THE thing of OPM, I dunno, something substantial has to happen with his character next time we see him. 

And I sure hope he comes out the other side of it far better off than where he was going in to it.

[foulserpent]

your Skyrim romance mod showcase and analysis keeping me company as I do my university project and got me wondering. if you were to rewrite/redesign the suitors what would be your take? and would Alec Theprinceofsong be a slam poet

ok this is really hard bc romance mod type things are NOT my thing but here goes:

actually its going under the cut bc this got SUPER long

casavir is a vigilant of stendarr heavily devoted to his duty and a little goofy about it, like a little too self-serious. you help him out with some missions and hes a little interested in you but very very awkward at flirting. it turns out he hasnt had a relationship in a long time and is repenting for a past where he was callous and self-centered and hurt some people, and feels undeserving of love. he has some religious sexual guilt but no actual vows of chastity or w/e, its more just “feels the need to atone and not be self-pleasing”. hes a little “knightly” and arrogant, but not patronizing to you. hes a real do-gooder type and will stand up against injustice wherever he sees it, getting him into trouble sometimes.

neeshka is a romance option in this. shes a thief who has fallen on hard times, and will approach you and bishop to trick and rob you. shes successful and you track her down, but you have the option to talk to her and she will explain herself to you, and wind up offering to help you out. shes a little flirty, but nothing over the top. it becomes evident that shes had to rely on only herself for most of her life and has a difficult time being vulnerable, but will eventually open up to you. she asks you to join her in visiting the site of her childhood home so she can have someone with her to talk about the memories there, which are painful and bittersweet and something she’s been running away from. you have an option to gently hold her hand in this moment.

alec prince of song is kind of an eccentric bard who is struggling to find success in skyrim due to his musical stylings being something that can be described only as slam poetry and interpretive dance. hes a hopeless romantic artist type who might be a little annoying. but in an absolutely bizarre turn of events, it seems that he has some loose grasp of the voice or possibly a form of TONAL ARCHITECTURE and can perform some tonal magic by his “singing”. basically hes incredibly pretentious but also really powerful without really being aware of it

darren is gay so hes only actually a romance option if youre playing as a man, but is extremely forward and no-filter towards everyone. kind of self-centered, but in a pretty friendly way? like he thinks hes amazing but is also super impressed with whatever you do. hes a mage in training and offers to help you on your quest, and it turns out hes not super great at most aspects of mage-ness (though he certainly thinks otherwise) and kind of just wanted someone to hang out with because hes a little lonely.

jack has like almost nothing to him in the game so im having a hard time with this one. i think he wouldnt be a real romance option but might be a fun one-off quest where you find him stranded IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WILDERNESS NOWHERE NEAR ANY WATER, hungover and having no idea where his ship is. you have to retrace his steps to help him get back and its sort of like the quest “a night to remember”. maybe just for fun it turns out hes not even human (which he forgot about due to being drunk) and is a dremora shiphand for the one and only velekh sain, but hes pretty friendly about it and you get to meet a whole ship full of dremora pirates. 

cael also really does not have much of anything in the mod (not even a quest) and is also the least horrible character so idk what id do with him?like there isnt much to say here about the character himself bc theres the least amount of horrible shit.

bishop is rewritten from the ground up. hes an asshole and pretty mean, just not in the specifically misogynist abuser way. you only travel with him by hiring him as a mercenary. he starts to chill out and open up to you a little as you go, and eventually reveals the thing about how something claiming to be mara appeared to his mother, who sold his soul to it. 

eventually he apologizes for being so nasty to you. hes still a bit of a jackass because thats who he is, but he makes the effort to be better because hes starting to care about you and enjoy your time together, and its making him want to be a better person. he sees himself in neeskha a little bit, being also someone whos been self reliant and chewed up and spat out by the world and turned hard and cold as a result, and meeting her is a point where he starts to come to Understandings about himself. 

at no point are you made to feel obligated to be nice to him or to heal him, and when you say things that are confrontational to him he wont always “win” that conversation. he will be a little flirty at times, but just slightly, and your character will be the one to initiate relationship progress should you choose to do so. 

the romance mod has a “main quest” of finding out what happened with his soul and etc (maybe to make it have relevancy, theres a background of events of this type happening a lot lately and people hallucinating the aedra and being asked to pledge to them), which you meet the other characters as a part of if you dont meet them on your own. bishop is not the only romance option you can end up with, and will end up as a friend regardless of that choice

[obx-writings]

That Night - Pt 1

Request: Hey can I request a jj fic where y/n doesn’t want to do sex/touching stuff with jj because of a past she has. When she gets uncomfortable around it multiple times he thinks she’s not really in love with him or that she’s cheating. At a kegger, topper comes up to y/n when she’s alone and flirts with her and touches her arm. He tries to get her to go some place else but she doesn’t want to. Jj comes in and punches topper and they fight. Topper exposes y/n and says that they already had sex before, but it wasn’t just sex it was rape. Y/n doesn’t want to talk to anyone again, but jj comforts her and says it doesn’t define her.

AN: So I decided to make this into two parts, since it was just going to be wayyy too long as one. I also understand how heavy this topic is, so I am trying to deal with it with as much care as I can. Please let me know what you all think of this one! Part 2 will either be posted tonight or tomorrow, I have a 14 page paper due today so I gotta focus on that haha!

Warnings: Sexual Assault, Anxiety, Self Doubt, Angst

WC: 1.6K

---

You were incredibly happy. You were curled into JJ’s side, head on his chest listening to his heartbeat and feeling the vibrations of his low voice when he spoke. His arm was around your back, playing with the hem of your shirt aimlessly while he talked about the future with you. Ever since you were little, you had been best friends with Sarah Cameron, and when she dumped Topper and started dating John B, you were pulled into the friend group, finally evening the boys and girls ratio. Ugh...Topper. Even the thought of his name left a bitter taste in your mouth. But none of that mattered, that is, until JJ started trailing his fingers down. Your heart started beating faster and your breathing hitched. It was like this everytime. JJ made an advance into the sexual, and you started freaking. He looked down at you, eyes dark and began placing soft kisses to your neck, oblivious to the sudden shift in the air.

“You look so beautiful, Y/N” He breathed in your ear, voice husky with desire. The mere sound of it brought you back to that night and your stomach twisted. It didn’t matter that it was JJ, it didn’t matter that he made you feel safe or loved, you couldn’t differentiate it anymore. You pushed him away and sat up, discomfort evident on your face, but you tried to play it off like you just weren’t in the mood right now.

“Sorry, J, I’m just not feeling well right now.” You ran a hand through your hair and down your face, turning your head to look back at him, his face stoic but hurt in his eyes. HIs lips formed a straight line and he gave you a curt nod of the head before moving to get up. “Where are you going?” Your voice almost broke, shocked he would just get up, but in his defense, this was the sixth time something like this happened.

“I just need to clear my head, but I’ll pick you up tonight for the kegger, kay?” His voice sounded rough, not at all like the sweet tones he was using with you earlier that day. You just nodded your head, and he slipped out of the room. Slowly, the tears began to well up in your eyes and down your cheeks. You laid back down and curled into a ball under the covers, letting the horrid memories of that night flash behind your eyes.

That’s exactly how Kie found you two hours later. She came over to start getting ready with you for the kegger, and walked into the absolute mess that was your brain. You hadn’t moved since JJ left, and your chest felt like it was collapsing.

“Y/N? Y/N, what’s wrong?” Her voice was filled with concern as she sat on the bed and began to stroke your hair.

“Just feeling a little off, JJ left a few hours ago and I don’t know, he seemed mad at me that i didn;t want to have sex with him.” You attempted to play it off as if you hadn’t been crying yourself into oblivion, but your voice broke on every other word. She gave you a look of confusion.

“That doesn;t sound like JJ at all, he adores you, Y/N! I’m sure it’s nothing.” She tried to comfort you but you knew that it was just Kie being Kie.

“It’s just…” You began, but stopped yourself, never wanting anyone to find out what Topper had done 7 months ago. “It’s just, I’ve never had sex before, I’m just nervous, I mean, he’s slept with the entire island, what if I dont live up to his insane expectations.” This was true. You actually had never willingly had sex, and these were fears of yours, which is why it was so easy to lie and say this is why you were upset.

“Y/N, he loves you. Like loves you. Like won’t share a door while freezing to death in the ocean loves you. It’ll be okay, I promise, and it’ll happen when you’re ready. Please don’t let JJ being a slut a year ago ruin how amazing you two are for each other now. He hasn;t even looked at another girl since he met you.” Kie smiled your way, and you actually felt a little better, laughing at her slut comment about your boyfriend. You nodded, and slowly sat up, wiping the tears away. Kie brushed her hand on your face to help you. “Okay, now let’s get ready, we have a party to get to!” She got up and dragged you from bed, pulling you into the bathroom so you could change.

---

“She’s fucking someone bro, I know it!” JJ screamed at John B, pulling his hair out in different directions. He had immediately gone to the beach where he knew his best friend would be setting up the keg after leaving the Chateau.

“Bro, Y/N is literally head over heels for you, there’s no way.” John B scoffed at his friend, but gave him a look of sympathy. For JJ to be saying anything like this about you, he had to have been really hurting.

“Then please explain to me the second I touch her, kiss her, try and do anything other than fucking cuddle her she get’s all squirmy and pulls away. She gets so distant dude, it’s like she can’t even look at me.” JJ’s voice broke at the end, and he collapsed in the sand, head in his hands, trying not to let the tears fall. John B walked over to him and put his hand behind his back, rubbing comfortingly.

“Maybe she’s just nervous, I mean she is still a virgin, and you have a pretty extensive list of girls you’ve...y’know?” John B laughed a little, but JJ stayed serious.

“I don’t know bro, but I have to confront her tonight about it. I’m fucking in love with this girl and if she’s with someone else...I just can’t do it dude.” JJ let a tear fall from his eye. That was the first time he’d expressed to anyone that he was in love with you, and the look on John B’s face made that evident.

“Wow...JJ, I really fucking hope you’re wrong dude.” That was all he could say.

“Me too, man...me too.” He trailed off, looking at the water and realizing that the sun was beginning to drop below the horizon. “Shit, it’s getting late, I gotta go and pick her up.” He stood up and held his hand out to John B, silently asking him for the keys to the van. John B tossed them over, and watched as his best friend walked away silently. God he really hoped he was wrong.

---

After JJ picked you and Kie up from the Chateau, everyone could instantly feel the tension on the way to the beach. JJ, usually so full of life in the car, sat silently, not even tapping his finger to the radio. Kie just sat in the back, scrolling on her phone and trying to act as normal as possible, while you sat there anxiously. You kept feeling his eyes darting over to you every now again, but you stared out the window, avoiding his gaze. When you finally parked, JJ looked at Kie, silently asking her for a minute alone. SHe looked at the both of you and held her hands up in defense.

“Wasn’t trying to be in the middle of it anyways” She mumbled as she opened the door, slamming it shut behind her as she went to find the guys.

“I’m sorry, about earlier. Really, I just needed some time to think.” JJ said after you both sat in silence for what felt like an hour, but was probably only a few minutes. “I need to ask you something, and it’s not going to be pretty, and you might hate me after even suggesting it, but I need to know, Y/N.” His voice was shaky and your heart broke. “Are you…” His face twisted and he grimaced, the words tasting bitter on his tongue. “Are you...sleeping with anyone else.” He kept his gaze straightforward, not bearing to see the hurt flash in your eyes.

“How could you even think that, J? Of course not!” You were completely taken aback, not expecting his brain to ever go to that place.

“I’m sorry, it’s just, you barely let me touch you, sometimes, I just worry that maybe someone else is doing that for me.” His voice was flat, unrecognizable. You grabbed his hand and squeezed.

“Baby, I've just...never done anything with anyone, I’m scared I wont be good enough for you. I promise that’s it.” You grabbed his face and kissed him softly. He kissed you back, and when you pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry, I just...my head, it just…” You shushed him, telling him it was okay.

“Let’s just go have fun.” You forced a smile, and went to open the door, but he grabbed your arm and you turned to face him.

“I’ll wait, whenever, however long it takes. I’ll wait baby. And you will be more than good enough for me, because...well it’ll be a first for me too.” You looked at him confused, his eyes were unreadable, expressing something you’ve never seen in him before. “I’ve never had sex...with someone I’m in love with before.” You had never smiled so big in your life.

“I’m in love with you too, J.” you breathed, and kissed him hard. She both stayed in the moment, sharing kisses and loving looks, before you decided it was time to make an appearance at the party.

[words-for-holland]

Happier (8) | T.H.

Summary: Tom, Harrison & Harry have a talk about Y/N. Our broken up couple has their first physical conversation with each other. Natalie has a little talk with a certain someone. Does another truth unfold?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

Masterlist

A/N: To the readers, thank you for all the support! More drama to come!

Confrontation

No one likes it, but sometimes it’s needed to get a point across. Another use, to threaten another and instill fear, but we’ll get to that when we cross that bridge.

Harrison and Harry settled Tom down in the kitchen, ready to confront him about everything that’s happened. Tom fidgets with his fingers, unsure of what’s to come. All he knew, was he was furious that they both went to see Y/N, and didnt tell him. “Look”, Tom starts off, clearly impatient waiting on their prepared speech. “I just want to know why you left to see Y/N and didn’t tell me. Why am I being kept in the dark with everything?”

“Becuse you couldn’t figure it out. Even after being baby fed the information.” Harry says abruptly, his arms crossed as he stared down at his brother

Tom scoffs at the response, rolling his eyes. “How can I figure anything out when you all keep it a secret from me?! Mind you that all of this involves MY girlfriend and OUR relationship! And you have the balls to go out to find Y/N in secret and not tell me because I cant figure out a fucking thing in this chaotic fucking mess?!” Tom rants out, eyes and voice filled with anger and jealousy. He wasn’t sure if his yelling was towards the boys or if it was more toward himself, because deep down Tom knew he should have tried harder, but didn’t.

“No. Don’t you dare turn this on us, and make us look like we’re the bad guys.” Harrison snaps as he looks down at his best mate. “Just because you don’t know half the things that are going on, doesn’t mean you can be mad at us. Even when the words are written in stone, you’re still a complete div to not be able to comprehend it.”

“I dont understand.” Tom mutters as he looks at the table, trying his hardest to figure all this out. He had already talked to Natalie days ago about Kate and the pictures, but said she had nothing to do with it. They couldnt possibly mean there was more to the story other than Natalie being a complete piece of work.

“Read the fucking signs, Tom!” Harrison yells out. “I know you talked to Y/N that night about Kate and what did you say?”

Tom looks up at him, realizing what this is about. It wasn’t just about the pictures. It was more than that, something Tom should have realized and reacted to the moment it happened. “I said I was sorry and didn’t know what to say.” He mutters, his face now displaying a sense of guilt. “Fuck!” He whispers.

“Yeah start crying about it now you div!” Harry comments roughly, before continuing his speech. “Kate didn’t just backstab Y/N. She went behind the both of you. She was the spark that ruined your relationship, and you don’t know what to say to that?”

Tom shakes his head, realizing his mistake. For someone that works to display his emotions on screen, he failed miserably when it came to real life situations. It was miscommunication for him, the boys, and Y/N. In his mind, he was more pissed that Y/N was left there to think that he didnt care as much when in actuality he cared a lot. More than anyone would ever know, he cared the most. “No you all don’t understand that wasn’t my intention. Fuck!” He screams in frustration.

“Really and what was your intention then?” Harrison questioned, sarcastically intrigued to know Tom’s excuse.

“She lost her best friend. Fuck, she lost the only other person in her childhood that stood up for her, before this whole bullshit. That right there was more important than our relationship. I know shes the reason I got into this PR mess, the runors exploding, and pushed Y/N away fron me, but Kate betrayed Y/N’s friendship and trust. I didn’t say shit because I didnt want to make it about us. I wanted it to be about her and what she needed.” Tom spilled out, sighing deeply. Silence filled the air, and neither spoke for a minute, sinking in everything that’s happened.

“What she needed was you, Tom.” Harry said as both he and Harrison made their way out the kitchen, not until leaving Tom with a final warning. “We get that Kate maybe the reason she started all of this....but that doesn’t mean it ends with her.”

It left Tom wondering. Again, he had just talked to Natalie about the whole blackmail pictures but said she had nothing to do with it. Then again, she always wanted him to push away from Y/N. A talk he hoped would clear some answers, only left him with more questions. He knew who he had to talk to if he wanted straight answers, and she was going to give them whether she liked it or not.

Y/N had managed to avoid Tom the first week of her return in London. Sadly, it could only be said for that one week, and she had no one to thank, but a sink filled with dirty dishes to wash. Tom made his way into the kitchen by chance to grab sa quck bite to eat when he saw Y/N. It was his chance, he had to take it. It was now or never.

As he walked in, he made eye contact with her to which she responded with a slight smile and a nod. It was silent, nothing but the clashes of dishes and water running. “Do you want some help?” Tom asked with a smile. Might as well make the first move, he was a gentleman after all.

Y/N nodded as she handed him a dish towel, implying for him to dry and stack the dishes away while she washed. They continued this routine for a while, until Tom couldn’t take it anymore. “What happened to us Y/N? We were never like this in person. Hell the phone conversations we had the past weeks are more lively than this.” He confesses as he looks into her eyes.

Y/N shakes her head as she returns to her dishes. “There’s just nothing to say anymore. We’ve said everything we needed to say....Now things are just clockwork.”

“That’s not true. I know you still are keeping things from me. There’s more to this than Kate...” He waits for her to answer, but judging from the hesitation and the look of fear that dwelled in her eyes, his assumption was correct.

“You want to know everything?” Y/N asks as she looks in his eyes.

“Yes. I want to help you. I want us to be back to where we used to be before you left.”

Y/N sniffles as she shakes her head. “We can’t.”

“Why not?” He asks softly, hoping she will open up.

Y/N looks at Tom, taking a deep breath before she decides to tell him. She thought of the possibilities and the consequences that would come about. Kate was gone but it didnt mean Unknown wasn’t still out there. Everything had been so quiet the past few days, it almost seemed like she could breathe without having someone threaten her. Then again maybe her subconcious was right. Maybe it wasn’t a person anymore...Maybe it was just her.

Her mind wandered to Tom, who was staring at her waiting patiently for her story. Opening up her mouth, would be unleashing Pandora’s box and all hell could break loose. Blackmail, shattered dream, shattered relationship, broken trust, it would all come to the surface. The worst part...it wouldnt just stop there. But in this moment, Y/N didnt care. She had kept things bottled up from him for as long as she had. He deserved to know, he was a part of this as much as everyone. Maybe if Y/N kept Tom at bay, it would just be enough to statisfy Unknown and keep things as they were. Safe.

“Before I left...” Y/N starts off, her lower back leaning against the sink, eyes looking down as she lets out a deep sigh. “ There were already rumors of you and Natalie. Speculations that you’d be an item.”

“And you believed that?” Tom interrupts, his eyes rolling, unamused by how the story was starting. “Y/N if you were just jealous. Why didn’t you just say —“

“You think I didn’t know that?” Y/N fires back, scowling her eyes towards Tom, only to receive a knowing look from him that indicated to stop lying to herself. “Whatever. Yeah maybe I was a little when I saw how close you two got and how it just built the rumors. Did I want to tell you? Sure, but that didnt mean I could.”

“Im not following.” Tom comments, his messy eyebrow raised in confusion. “So you wanted to tell me..but couldn’t?”

Y/N nods, taking in another deep breath. “As the days went by, I started getting unknown text messages. At first they started off vague, saying how I didn’t belong with you. Look how much happier you were with Natalie. Did he ever do that with you? Did he ever smile at you like that? I bet he doesn’t love you anymore.”

Y/N’s eyes water as she relived the conversations, small sniffles escaping her nose. Tom was at a loss for words. He couldn’t for the life of him understand why someone would text complete lies to her. He was getting mad by the second as he heard each insulting sentence that came out of her mouth. “Y/N..” he says.

She shook her head as she continued. “But the insults started to become threats. They knew everything about me and was willing to use you as blackmail. If I didn’t breakup with you...they’d make sure you’d never live out your dream again. And for the life of me I wasn’t going to let that happen.” She cried, hiding her sobbing face in hands.

Tom quickly rushes to her, taking away her hands so he could look into her eyes. He held her close, cradled her tiny body into his arms as she tried to slow her breathing. “Then I found out Kate was behind the pictures and the start of the rumors, and now we’re here. I don’t know what to do anymore Tom. Everything’s just been so fucked up.”

“Hey, its okay. Im okay. I’m not gonna let them hurt you like this.” He cooed. “I dont give a fuck if it ruins my career or not. I care about you. You come first, that’s not going to change. But it’s over now, right? Let’s just move on from it. Ill break the PR, I’ll make sure Kate doesn’t walk away from this without serious consequences, I wont keep you a secret if it means it’ll fix everything.”

Y/N pushes away from Tom, reluctantly. She knew how much he cared for her. He was willing to risk everything just to make sure they would be okay, and in a perfect world, maybe that would have been enough. Could live happily ever after and not have to worry about anything anymore. Both could just walk away from it all if they wanted, but this wasn’t a perfect world. “Just because Kate started it, doesn’t mean it’s over. Unknown could still be out there.” She whispers, afraid of anyone listening.

“Then we find out. Together.” He responds, holding her hand. “I let you slip away once. Im not letting it happen again.”

He looked into her eyes, almost silently asking to hug her once more. Two embrace each other, and stay like that for a while. It had been so long since they felt this sort of comfort, which brought up a familiar and warm feeling for each them. So warm, so familiar...they almost didn’t want to let go. Y/N breathed into him, taking in his cologne, the one she had grown to love over the three years. It felt right. It was home.

But not all moments can last forever. Behind the thin walls was Natalie, who had overheard and seen the entire conversation. Hearing Tom, mention how he’d break the PR for Y/N and how he’d do anything, risk everything to find Unknown, rubbed her the wrong way. The way Tom held Y/N close, made Natalie furious, and as soon as she heard her phone ring, she answered. “He knows you exist.”

“A slight hiccup. He’s so caught up in Y/N, he just can’t see the real you.” The voice reassured. “Dont worry, he’ll love you when she’s out of the picture.”

“There is no out of the picture anymore. You should have heard him...He wont let her go this time.” Natalie answers, discouraged more than ever.

“Then we just have to up the antics. Clearly her dim-witted friend ruined the original plan. Thats the last time I ever trust an American do the dirty work. She can start a fire but can’t be beothered to finish a job. ” The voice scoffs. “If the messages don’t work, threaten her in person. Alone. Make sure Tom doesn’t see you.” The voice orders.

“You know it wont work. She’s not as afraid as she was before.” Natalie whispers as she continues to watch them from a distance.

“Then we’ll give her something to be afraid of. Why do you doubt me?” The voice asked, challenging Natalie. “Is this what you wanted?”

Natalie hesitates. Of course she wanted Tom more than anything in the world, but to what point? To what cost? These questions swirled around her mind as she thought back to how Y/N and Tom interacted in the kitchen. Their bond was so strong, they always found a way back to each other. For a moment...she felt almost bad. “Of course I want Tom.” She answers “but.. I want him to love me the way he loves Y/N.”

The voice scoffs at her response.loud enough for Natalie to hear the disgust in her voice. “Haven’t I taught you anything? Love is superficial gets you nowhere in life. You’re lucky enough that we’re settling for Tom.”

“I...I guess.”

“Then you’ll make sure Y/N stays away. Im doing this for you Natalie. Fame, fortune, your career, and your superficial love life. I want what’s best for you.” The voice becomes calmer more gentle, yet the sinisterness was still very present.

“Yes...mother.” Natalie says sourily.

“Darling, how many times have I told you to only refer to me as your publicist? Now go, before someone finds out about this.” The line drops, and Natalie focuses her eyes on Y/N who leaves for her room. Her eyes narrow, and fill with jealously and guilt. Her mother’s words replying her mind. “He will love you...just get rid of the girl.”

Taglist:

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[jazajas]

okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

[chimswae]

BTS Caretaker CH21

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 6, 707

- Author Note: I missed the date of posting new chapter again, okay so caught up with work :< aish, but it is okay i am updating now!

Previous | Next

Chapter 21

It was a long silence between them, neither the boys nor Seul dared to utter anything. To begin with, what was they supposed to say at first place. The Jungkook and Seul relationship or Jimin’s sudden outburst. As much as they wanted to bring Yoongi’s side of the story into the picture, they thought it was out of context. Yoongi’s issues had nothing to do with them, yet one of the reasons that trigger Jimin’s anger was related to Yoongi after all.

For once Namjoon had never feel burdened with the responsibility as the leader of BTS until today. Firstly, he had to unravel the tense between Jungkook, Jimin and Seul. The atmosphere between the four walls were suffocating him, and he could tell everyone felt the same. He held his breath for a long time before exhaling a deep sigh garnering everyone’s eyes on him “Alright. Let’s get thing straight” glancing at the maknae whom sat across him. Seul felt her heart being torn apart from this impromptu confrontation. To be frank, she was not ready to be questioned this way especially when it came to her and Jungkook status.

“Jung, is there something going on between you and Seul?” Namjoon probed. Gulping away her nervousness, Seul was being surrounded by a group of man who appeared to be very protective over the youngest member of their group. Yoongi looked like he was ready to swing his baseball bat and beat some shit outta Jungkook and Jimin. His eyes never left Seul ever since the scene at her workplace. Not that he cared, yet it was bothersome to be remembered by it. Learning the truth behind Jungkook’s disappearance at night stung his heart even more.

Jungkook is one step ahead him. Yoongi groaned in frustration.

Jungkook stammered “Seul and I…We became friends because I am their frequent customer there. I spent my time there to draw” he pressed his palms together searching for strength to face his members’ wrath.

“You become friends and as far as I am concern friends don’t kiss, that is too affectionate. What is the meaning behind those kiss? ” Jin leaned his back on the seat, tilting his head to take a good look of Seul expression. Now that they had came to this, he feared to hear the truth.

Jungkook and Seul relationship would be the beginning or the end of him.

Chewing her chapped lips, Seul fingers fidgeted unconsciously at the end of her pink sweater. Her rapid breathing was drawing Hoseok attention who appeared to sit just beside her, he leaned over whispering softly “Are you okay Seul? You don’t look good” his voice was as soft as his sunny smile. It managed to calm her down a little.

She nodded, squishing her eyes tight for a moment before opened it again only to be welcomed by Hoseok’s round eyes “I can manage this, thank you Hoseok” she flashed a weak smile. He returned to his seat with a small smile and gave his attention on Jungkook and Namjoon.

“What I know it was not a mistake. Those kisses are real. I…like Seul” Jungkook’s confession earned different reaction from the floor. Some were scoffing away, some were too dumbfounded to even react, and some were stayed frozen in their seat shooting Jungkook a judgemental look. That was not definitely in their dictionary. What changed Jungkook to be this confident and super determined of his own feelings?

Jungkook’s eyes met Seul confused one, making Jimin rolled his eyes in his seat. Salty Park Jimin about to open his mouth to say something, but his fellow 95 liner friend already jumped in “Do you see her as a woman, Jungkook? Someone that you wish to own” upon hearing Taehyung’s last word, Seul blushed madly. The thought of being owned by someone never occurred to her some more, the person is a member from famous idols of the century. Crazy as it sound Seul couldn’t stop her heart from making weird noise inside.

They only needed one nod from Jungkook to confirm everything, so they could make sense out from this situation. Jungkook had never been so open to them when it came to his own feelings. To witness the younger guy being bluntly honest about his inner feeling gave some sense of relief to the hyungs. Over the years Jungkook was known to be very introvert and he did not talk to strangers unless he felt comfortable with them. Jungkook had few friends in the industry like GOT7’s Yugyeom and Seventeen’s Mingyu yet it did not stop him to get out from his comfort zone. Part of them were grateful of his feeling for Seul, it was a good start for Jungkook to be more open to other options in life. However, it also worrisome considering it involved commitment and serious relationship.

Each of the members had a mixed feeling about this Jungkook liking Seul thing. To break it down, Namjoon main concerned was whether this relationship Jungkook plan to have with Seul is healthy. After his failed relationship with Hyemi, he did not want others to experience the pain of losing someone whom he thought important in life only to be left hanging without words. Not to mention as a leader and a brother of Jungkook, he did not want Jungkook to get hurt. Relationship involved commitment, was Jungkook ready to carry the burden on his shoulder?

Kim Seokjin. He was neutral. People couldn’t read through him as he always appears optimistic and positive to everyone. Internally he’s suffering from the confession. He did show his interest on Seul because their friendship started off pretty normal that involved no fight. Nowadays, Seokjin enjoyed Seul’s presence around him apart from his 92-line squad and his game squad, Jin had Seul to listen the worries that he had whenever he couldn’t talk it out with his members or other friends. Seul is a good listener. As he learnt that one of the members revealed his feeling openly to Seul, was this a sign to back off before things got complicated later on?

When it came to Hoseok, this was his second-time meeting Seul so he did not have any issues with her. He knew Seul was a nice girl and worth to be loved by many. She deserved all the love from the world. If there’s one thing that bothered Hoseok would be her genuine intention in befriending them. Not that Hoseok wanted to question her integrity, but the world is a scary place. They could not just bluntly trust people that they barely knew especially Seul. Even though she’s a daughter of Mrs Hwang their original caretaker whom treated them like their own son these past few years, they shouldn’t depend on that one factor only. It was a matter of fact that people could be toxic without they realized, just like Son Hyemi.

Sitting with his mouth sealed tight on the armrest was Taehyung. His expression did not give away any worries or emotions pertaining to this issue, but he still found it a little over the top for his sane mind to comprehend. Without doubt, he was attracted of Seul at first place became the reason why he snapped her picture and kept it on his night stand. That small crush that he had for Seul was still unclear, it needed to be shaped. Considering things had changed now, would it be better for him to eradicate this small crush he had for Seul before it became contagious to his heart? He did not want any heartbreak in the future wasn’t he.

Jimin on the other hand looked distressed in his seat. His protective instinct for Jungkook earlier on was soon replaced by annoyance. Annoyance of his own discomfort to the idea of there was another guy liking Seul and it happened to be Jungkook. The only difference between them, Jungkook had guts to sort his feeling out when he didn’t. That Jimin saw Seul more than just a friend was evident. But he refused to conform to the reality of life. It was a reticent, very private feeling which he had no intention to reveal just yet.

Yoongi was complicating things around him and his true feelings that he had for Seul. Everyone could literally see how possessive he was over Seul, yet he denied that fact at all cost. The fact that he used revenge to steal kisses from Seul, Yoongi was actually trying to confirm his own feeling. At first, he assumed it was a mere admiration towards Seul’s sassiness however it turned into something deeper not long after. He was dragging himself down into the deepest pit of the dark hole in his heart. Wanting to escape, yet he failed. As a result, Yoongi came out pretty hard and aggressive on Seul even though he wasn’t intended to hurt her. It came out neutral because he was not ready to embrace the truth. The truth might hit him a little hard on his face, so Yoongi was afraid to take the risk. With this Jungkook thing, Yoongi realized he must do something about this before too late.

“So, answer him, do you see Seul as a woman or is it a mere admiration?” Jin broke the long silence desperate to hear the answer though he’s not really keen of listening to it.

Nodding with a soft sigh “I see her as a woman and I like her because she is Seul” that was enough to melt Seul’s heart again as blush crept up warming her cheeks. Why was she being weak again? Now since they had settled with Jungkook, seven pair of eyes landed on her. She was in deep shit.

“Seul, do you know Jungkook is Jungkook?” the leader raised his eyebrow in question.

“No, I don’t. He was wearing mask 24/7 how do you expect me to notice that is him?” her voice broke a little due to the intensity that she felt inside her.

Jimin found the chance to butt in with a sarcastic remark “Funny thing is, you are a fan. How can you not know Jungkook even from his eyes?” he glowered.

Seul looked so piss as she glared at Jimin “Funny thing, I am not Jungkook’s fan. Neither of you are my favourite. How do you expect me to remember your eyes when I messed up your faces and names” the corner of Yoongi’s lips were tugged into a smirk. Ji Seul makes a comeback, as expected. He complimented in his head admiring her sassiness.

Pursing his lips sulkily, Jimin shook his head giving up on his argument with Seul already. She was impossible to beat especially when it involved to defending herself. Seul always know what to say.

Namjoon continued “Alright. You have no idea it is Jungkook, so you befriend him. Both of you become friend and Jungkook apparently reveal his feelings for you. How about your feelings? Do you like Jungkook that way?” upon hearing that question, Seul turned pale.

Taehyung scrutinized her expression with so much interest trying to read through her but to no avail. Would it be possible that she did not see Jungkook more than a friend? A spark of hope lightens his heart a little. Taehyung was up for any possibility.

“I repeat, do you like Jungkook more than just a friend?” Namjoon pressed. He was acting like a father-in-law making other cringe in their seat. Yoongi small eyes were watching Seul every little move, causing her to shift uncomfortably under his hard gaze. This did not work at all. She did not have the answers with her. Everything happened too fast.

Seul heaved a heavy sigh “I don’t know. I am not sure. My feelings for Jungkook are still ambiguous, I can’t exactly tell whether it is more than just a friend. It is still too early to decide it, I am sorry Jungkook” she threw an apologetic look at Jungkook.

He felt a heavy tug on his heart, but he managed to pull a soft smile on his face “Don’t be sorry Seul. I told you I don’t want to push you, we can still work on this” Seul bit her lower lips, lowering her gaze shyly. Jungkook would not give up on his feeling for Seul that easily. It took a lot of courage to embrace this new side of him, to give up on it just like that would be a waste.

“Someone got friend zoned” Hoseok joked to light up the mood.

“I AM NOT-“ “SHE ISNT-“ they were surprised to see Jungkook and Seul perfect timing. Seul’s cheeks turned into fifty shades of red realizing she was indirectly admitting to the fact that she was interested in Jungkook as well though she needed time to figure it out.

“You are reconsidering Jungkook’s feelings?” Taehyung’s eyes glimmered in curiosity.

Jungkook rubbed his neck, holding back his bunny smile “Yes I am. I need time. I am not used to this” Seul mumbled timidly. Jimin was hurt by her answers, now it was obvious Seul might end up liking Jungkook for real is he didn’t do anything about it.  What should he do again to fix this mess that he created?

“But, that doesn’t mean you have confirmed your true feelings for Jungkook right?” Yoongi’s hoarse voice baffled everyone. The older guy had chosen to keep his mouth shut all the time, hence to hear something coming from him was intimidating. Because after all, though Yoongi did not say it aloud about his feeling for Seul, all of them knew that guy had a thing for her. Jungkook realized it too. He had been stealing glance at Yoongi during their conversation, and his attention was on Seul most of the time.

Jungkook was not alone in this complicated battle. With Yoongi came into the picture, Jungkook was mentally ready to fight healthily.

“We can say that” not letting Yoongi’s stare penetrated her heart, Seul avoided his gaze at all cost.

Smiling with full of gratification, Yoongi arose from his seat “Then this conversation is over. That is all I need to hear” he gave one final look at Seul sending chill down her spine. She watched his body disappeared behind the door to his room leaving only six members around her.

“I am leaving too” muttering lowly, Jimin left the scene without saying much as Hoseok decided to tail him. He sensed something was wrong with Jimin, so he excused himself to investigate further. Taehyung followed not long after “I will see you later Seul..” he smiled warmly making his way stealthily to his room.

Jin was contemplating whether to be honest about his discomfort, in the end he chose to just shut it and give it a long thought before expressing it out. “Seul just stay over tonight, it is late. We don’t want you to walk in the dark alone. I will prepare the room for you” Jin stood up leaving the scene giving Seul no chance to protest. She grunted softly under her breath refusing the idea of staying over there today. Bad start.

Confused, Namjoon ran his fingers in his lock accompanied by a soft hum “Jungkook can you give us space? I need to talk with Seul alone” he turned to the younger guy that immediately nod with a small sigh.

Seul looked up with a small smile “Thank you Jungkook. Go rest” her sincerity made Jungkook fall head over heels for her again. A simple attention from Seul managed to crush another wall inside him, he craved for it.

“You too, see you in the morning. I hope. Good night Seul” his steps were heavy, even though this issue was settled due to the long talk, it still makes him nervous. After making sure Jungkook was nowhere to be seen around them, Namjoon shifted his attention back on the drained girl in front of him. His heart softened as his eyes landed on Seul’s distressed face.  

“Seul-ah I won’t stop you or Jungkook. It is up to both of you to decide. Remember, if you hurt Jungkook you will have to face me. Do not give him a false hope even though it is okay for both of you to consider the options in front of you. I don’t want to see Jungkook broken-hearted”

“And, I have to warn you before things get out of hand. It is not just Jungkook’s feelings matter in this but others too. I can see another person in the room who actually like you just as much” Seul blinked with an unreadable expression.

“What do you mean by that” she retorted in disbelief. Did Namjoon just imply there were other BTS members liking her other than Jungkook? How was this even real? Seul felt so unreal at the moment. The impossibility only happened in dramas or movies. Since this occurred to her, she had no idea how to react to it.

Namjoon pressed his lips into thin line “You will find out soon. I am not the one who should tell you that. Just, make sure to not hurt anyone or yourself Seul-ah. Love is a scary thing. It is complicated. You can’t stop your feelings from loving someone, so give it a chance. Give the person a chance. Then you decide” he hinted.

“I am sorry Namjoon for causing this mess. I hope you are not being too hard on Jimin, he is right to doubt me. You guys barely knew me, so I understood Jimin. Even though part of me wanted to hit him hard for calling me a bitch. How dare he called me that” she grinded her teeth showing of her resentment over Jimin’s choice of word.

Chuckling softly, Namjoon nodded with an amused face “Don’t worry about Jimin. We fought a lot, then we made up the next day. This was nothing. Forgive Jimin and his foul mouth, he could be a little too vulgar when he got angry”

“He is protecting Jungkook that is normal. Your bonds are too strong even I couldn’t break that. I am glad Jimin decided to cuss at me instead of letting it slip off from his mind. That shows how much he cared for his members” she threw the compliments earnestly. It was true, it offended her, but she tried to see the bigger picture of it.

Namjoon had a proud smile on his face to hear someone admiring their brotherhood. It made him realized their bonds were no joke and he mentally agreed to Seul’s words. The tense in the room was diminishing and Seul finally able to breathe normally. Jin approached the two “The room is ready Seul, you should rest. I have prepared clean sweat and shirt on the bed for you to change. Don’t worry it is new, wear it” he beamed.

“Can i… not stay? This is uncomfortable” she murmured.

“What nonsense is that. No way, it is 4 in the morning. Just stay, we won’t let you go home at this time” Namjoon voice was stern and dominating. No wonder he’s the leader.

Seul eyes quivered uncomfortably, showing off her concern about the idea of a girl staying in an idol house “I don’t want to get caught by your manager, that would be bad. They have no idea about me replacing my mother” she tried to make up excuses to escape this place.

“We will be leaving around 10 for practice so, hyung won’t be here until the schedule. Don’t worry, leave before that” Jin showed no sign of giving up too, cornering the latter in process. “Just stay Seul, you don’t want to wear yourself out at work later. Go get some rest, the room is down the hall, just across Jimin and Hoseok” he gave a light pat on her head.

Seul finally gave in and nodded “Fine, I will stay just because I feel bad for what happened today. Thank you Jin. Good night both of you” she bid them a good night and made her way cautiously to the guest room.

Ji Seul, what will change after today. Seul made a mental note on it and decided to call it a day. She deserved a long rest after the therapy talk with Namjoon.

 --------------

Tossing her body under the duvet, Seul found it was hard to fall asleep. It must be due to the new surroundings, with that she sat up groggily leaving the queen size bed for a moment to get warm drinks for herself. The hallway was quiet and dead, and she was sure the boys were already asleep at this time.

Seul glanced at the clock on the wall and muttered “It is just 5, ugh” she hugged her body, dragging her lazy feet to the kitchen. She made herself a hot cocoa in hope after this she could shut her eyes for two hours before sun rose again.

As she was about to leave with a cup of cocoa in her hand, she saw light flooding out from the open door of one of the rooms. She walked silently towards the source of light making sure her feet on the ground did not produce any unwanted sound.  The room was a private lounge room for the boys to chill when they have times, it was decorated with music equipment at the corner, book shelves and a small purple billiard table. Across the book shelves there was a L-shape sofa to complete the room.

Seul peeked her head a little searching for familiar faces inside but only to be welcomed by an empty room. Straighten herself back to her original trance, she reached out for the switch light to turn it off. To her sheer surprise, a pair of hand wrapped securely around her wrist preventing her from moving. Startled, Seul’s eyes searched from the owner of the hand who stood few steps from her.

“Jimin…” she exhaled.

Jimin’s eyes looked sleepily and there were few strands of hair stuck out making him to appear super cute. To top that, he was wearing a cute blue pyjama with stars and moon design printed on it. Seul mentally judging Jimin’s appearance as well as trying to get a hold of herself from fangirling over this look.

“Can’t sleep?” he signalled the drinks in her hand with a flat smile.

“Yes.. do you want some I can make you one?” she offered.

Declining it politely, Jimin brought Seul’s hand down and looked at her way a little too intense. Her breath hitched in process like it was about to pop off any second by now “We can share” he suggested.

“Urm..Sure…” Jimin tugged her  hand softly, bringing her inside the room to the sofa. Both of them sat down awkwardly side by side, and it made her felt uneasy. Jimin held back his tongue finding a perfect word to start this conversation. He couldn’t sleep because the guilt was slowly eating him up. He had a hard time to get Seul out of his mind.

Licking his lower lips, Jimin fisted his pyjama stealing glance at Seul’s side profile that never ceased to amaze him. A soft smile crept on his face, but as soon as their eyes locked, it rendered him speechless. Words that came out from Seul’s mouth only went pass through him, his attention was on her soft lips. The stain of hot cocoa at the corner of her lips made his mind went wild for a moment. He had to urge to kiss her but quickly shrug the thought off from his mind.

“Jimin..I said, do you want to take a sip?” her brows quirked in confusion.

Jimin removed the mug from her hand and took a long sip of the hot drinks without looking at her. It was not his intention to have a weird thought on Seul, yet he couldn’t help but to think that way. His hand was shaking a little, and his grip on the mug was about to slip off but Seul fast reflex avoided any accident happen.

She sat the mug down on the coffee table, sending a worried glance at Jimin “Jimin are you alright?” she whispered. Seul touched his forehead with the back of her hand, flustering Jimin even more “I..am alright… Just cold…” he coughed away the lump on his throat.

“Do you want me to turn on the heater?” Seul was about to get up until she felt him holding her down not allowing her to move even an inch. She blushed at the closeness of their face and body. Watching her this up close caused uproar in his heart, his eyes travelled from her eyes to her cute nose down to her lips again.

Jimin ran his hand to her jaw, giving a soft trace around the skin that tingled her heart. She held back her own heavy breathing, letting her eyes roamed freely on Jimin’s face. He stroked his thumb over her lips, stroking it effortlessly slow caused the latter to mewl a little under his magic touch.

Seul was aware, she’s supposed to be upset of Jimin. They hadn’t talk about what happened at the café, and it was so wrong to be this close to each other. Where was the tense between them again? How could it diminish that easily?

Her eyes fluttered open upon feeling Jimin strong gaze on her, and she was indeed right. Jimin eyes sparked under the light, looking dashing as always even without his makeup. He would always appear beautiful in front of her. Resting his forehead against Seul, he murmured awfully low “Seul-ah..I am sorry..for everything” it surprised her once again. Wow, Jimin is full of surprise.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you or call you with those horrible names. I was protecting Jungkook and..myself I guess..It was hard to admit to my own feeling Seul-ah” he continued.

Protecting himself? Seul flinched.

Seul smiled meekly as her fingers unconsciously tangled with his free hand on his lap, fiddling around casually “I understand. And I want to apologize too. It is my fault that this happen. You have the right to question me, because I am a stranger. Just don’t call me bitch, I really hated it” her lower lips puckered out a little showing her protest.

Jimin’s soft chuckle ease the tension that she felt earlier with him “I need to control my anger next time. I am sorry that I vent it out on you. In fact, I have something to tell you Seul” Seul face fell with anticipation.

What else would she hear today?

“Seul-ah” he called out softly, sitting up straight.

For the umpteenth time today, Seul’s face started to lose its colour again.

Interlacing their hand together, Jimin took a deep breath before breaking the eerie silence again “Since it come to this, I will play it fair beside Jungkook” he professed.

“What do you mean by that” she looked at him clueless.

“I see you as a woman...”

“……..”

“I like you a lot Seul. More than you imagine. This feeling is torturing me” Seul lips quivered letting the emotions overflowed her. Then it hit him hard, so this was the thing that Namjoon hinted her earlier. Jimin was another someone in BTS who had similar feelings as Jungkook.

Seul squeaked “Jimin..I…don’t know, it is just-“ he hushed her, shaking his head slowly.

“Don’t… I want to play it fair as I mention. You don’t get to decide now. We will give this thing a time. I don’t mind, as long as you allow me to show my genuine feelings for you. Will you?”

“Jimin..I might not be worth fighting for” she looked down on their intertwined hands, giving him a soft squish.

He sighed “Yes you are. I deny my feelings enough Seul and I am not doing that again. It only hurts you and I. That is not worth it,  I am embracing my feelings that I have for you. Let me fight along with Jungkook” Seul heaved a tired sigh.

“I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want Jungkook to get hurt. What if, this only bring pain rather than happiness?” she expressed her worries. Even though, it was indeed true you couldn’t stop yourself from falling in love, but this issue was more than just that. It involved a lot of thing.

“We will manage that. I talked this out with Jungkook”

Her eyes rounded in sheer surprise “You did? When?” she inquired.

“Urm… as soon as the talk with Namjoon hyung ended. Jungkook is more than just a friend, he is my family. We talked about this. Seul, it is not like we plan to fall in love with the same person. It is coincidence. We will be able to manage this without hatred” Jimin convinced.

Seul needed a moment to decipher this whole thing. The idea of being in the middle of Jimin and Jungkook was so bad making her unsure of herself. If this only involved these two guys then it would be fine to her, but what if someone else resurfaced and professed the same thing, like Yoongi. She shrugged off the thought of the possibility being fight over again by another member.

“Jimin..I am not sure, I am scared of the future”

“Then lets live the present, that is important. Do not think about the future”

“At the end of the day, I will still have to choose” she protested.

“And when that day come, we will ready our heart Seul-ah. It is long way to go, do not let the future hold us back” he whispered, caressing her cheeks lovingly.

It never dawns on her to experience this kind of thing this year, what a mess. Did her decision to replace her mother as BTS Caretaker only to cause chaos rather than promoting peace?

Seul sighed, resting her head against his shoulder seeking for comfort and warmth. This thing was draining her energy, she felt numb. Jimin wrapped his arm automatically around her shoulder, bringing her close to his chest “I am sorry if this is too much for you to handle Seul” he rubbed his arm, planting soft kiss on top of her head.

Curling up in his embrace, Seul buried her face at the crook of his neck, inhaling his sweet manly scent “I am sorry that I can’t give both of you the answer that you want” she mumbled against his skin.

“Why are you sorry? We don’t need the answers now, we only need your presence around us. That is enough” he soothed his lock, smiling ear to ear at their close proximity. He had been dreaming doing this thing with Seul, having her in her arms and cuddling on the sofa. It felt unreal.

“Thank you Seul..”

“And what is that for?”

“For existing and allowing me to experience this”

Seul smiled to herself “That line is so cliché Jim. And, thank you for having that kind of feeling for me. ” he beamed. Jimin locked his arms around her tighter, nuzzling her hair in process. Whatever it takes, Jimin would never deny his true feelings anymore. He’s willing to see how far this could go. Only that he was not able to see what the future beholds, it never stops him.

Her lids started to grow heavy, and she found herself enjoying Jimin’s warmth around her. Was this a start of everything? She did question herself what change after today. Guess, Seul had to live with the fact that in one day she received two confessions from an unexpected male.

Her life was about to get interesting.

 -----------------

When Jimin woke up it was eight in the morning, they had cuddled on the couch and fallen asleep. Jimin smiled to himself admiring Seul’s sleeping face, he felt a warmth that he never experiences before. Seul looked exhausted and calm in his embrace. His moist lips landed on top of her head to get her to wake up.

Few minutes later, she roused herself and with her eyes perfectly shut, he could see her sweet smile on her face “Did we fell asleep here?” she stretched a little, burying her face shyly in his chest.

Jimin chuckled, stroking her back gently “Yes, but we did get a good sleep anyway” Seul nodded and sat up followed by Jimin afterwards. As soon as her eyes landed on Jimin’s morning hair, she giggled and leaned closer. Raking her fingers in his soft lock, she stroked it gently, fixing it a little while Jimin was too busy staring at her.

“There you are set to go” she exclaimed. Her chirpy voice lightens up his world, what a good way to start a new day. “Oh shoot, it is late I need to clean the house and prepare you guys breakfast. I hope Jin is not awake yet” she combed her hair getting ready to leave.

“You go out first I will come out later. You don’t want to be bombarded by questions this early” he pinched her nose. Scrunching her nose cutely, she gave in with the idea. Seul arose from her feet and as she was about to leave, she skipped quickly to his side.

Dazed Jimin gave her a questionable look, she closed the gap between them, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. He turned giddy over it and she heard her whisper “You said to give both of you a chance. So, I am giving both of you a chance. Good morning Jimin” with those last word, she skidded outside the room with a bright pink face.

Jimin buried himself once again under the soft blanket, letting himself fanboying over this small tingly feeling that he had this early. He would never regret his decision. Just like he said, he would only live the present for now. The future was still far ahead, anything could happen until then. If he worries the future now, it would be no fun in dealing with his every day’s life.

 ------------------

Jin blinked at the figure who just walked pass him and he called her out before she could disappear further “Seul, you are awake?” she jolted and turned to face Jin nervously.

“Are you awake already? I am so sorry, I overslept Jin. Let me prepare the breakfast!” she walked over to Jin with guilt.

“Hey don’t worry Seul. It is my duty. Today, I want you to eat my cooking. May I know why are you coming out from that way?” he blinked, taking a good look at Seul’s flushed face.

Seul rubbed her arms, trying to find perfect answers which did not sound suspicious “I couldn’t sleep yesterday. I stayed in the lounge until I fell asleep” Jin lips was formed into an ‘o’ shape with a bright smile.

“Good morning hyu-“Jimin cleared his throat realizing the older guy had woken up and was interrogating Seul. She cursed in her head in frustration when she heard Jimin’s voice boomed across the hall. That called for another trouble.

Jin eyed the two suspiciously “And why are you not in your room, may I ask?” he probed with a hint of jealousy.

“I…fall asleep in Jungkook’s room.. We got carried away and we really had a long talk” he lied. Jimin and Seul exchanged nervous glance as both of them felt their brain momentarily froze due to Jin’s sudden appearance this morning.

“Really? Hurm.. Okay then.. go wash up and wake up others” a sigh of relief escaped from their lips. Jin bought it and that was good enough. Fleeing from the scene, Jimin quickly entered his room before he could ask him more question.

Jin travelled his eyes to Seul “You too go wash up. I will prepare breakfast for us alright?” he hushed her out from his territory causing the girl to pout in protest. She complied to Jin’s request anyways because after all, he almost caught her red handed a few second ago. How awful would it be if Jin found out Jimin and her fell asleep on the couch together?

Everyone was in the dining room an hour later, and for some reason the thick atmosphere was no longer there. Instead, the breakfast turned out to be lively and filled with laughter from every corner. The boys made Seul felt comfortable and she was grateful none of them brought up the sensitive topic anymore. So, they had decided to follow the flow and not to pressure themselves over petty things. Since Jimin and Jungkook had decided to play it nicely, there was nothing to be worried off.

Hoseok on the other hand had the time of his life, goofing around with Seul which she enjoyed every second the guy cracked his silly jokes. In fact, Kim Taehyung also showed his silly side making everyone cringe at his randomness. Everyone had opened up to each other and to have Seul in the picture gave more colours to their already meaningful life. After breakfast, Seul cleaned up the place like she usually does but only this time the boys offered their hands to help.

No matter how much she insisted of doing it alone, they were all stubborn. They only allowed her to do the laundry and cleaned the living room and their private lounge. Namjoon ordered his members to clean their own room which they complied without any complain. Even for the lazy bum Jungkook, surprisingly he was the first one to finish off the cleaning. Therefore, he went to Seul helping her with the laundry.

She had given up to nag or show her protest, so she let the boy to help. In exchanged of that, Seul had a good chat with Jungkook. It felt better to have conversation with Jungkook without his mask on. This felt too real to be truth, but this guy was down to earth. Every Bangtan members was not as snobby as she thought they appeared to be. They were not just effortlessly beautiful, but they were kind and relatable.

Relatable, that was the perfect way to describe them.

After good one-hour spring cleaning with Bangtan, they were ready to leave for their practice. Seul too was getting ready to leave for work, she bowed showing off her gratitude for letting her stay over a day “Thank you for letting me stay” she smiled.

“Need I to remind you this is your workplace too. Don’t be formal. We are glad to have you around” Jin ruffled her hair only to receive a low protest from Seul. She shot him a glare for messing up her hair. Jin raised his hand in defeat and shrugged.

“It is fun to clean the dorm with you Seul. Will we be able to meet you again next time?” Taehyung had a big fat smile across his face causing to squeal over his cuteness. “Of course, there will always be next time” she jabbed his arm playfully.

“Leave before your manager come up hunting you down. Have a good day ahead everyone” she waved as she watched one by one of them leaving. Jungkook gave her a brief hug with a wink, causing her to blush instantly.

She deadpanned mentally, trying to get used to his affection towards him.

Yoongi was fall behind and the sight in front of him, annoyed him to the core. He shoved his hand in his pocket pulling out a small paper resembled the sticky note. Scrutinizing his straight face, Seul looked down on her hand when he slipped the note on her palm.

“What is this?”

“Tomorrow, 4PM. Bungee jumping. It is a date” he dashed off without saying more. Seul gawked not believing what she just heard few seconds ago. Did Yoongi just ask her out for a date? It came to her realization; the small note was an admission ticket to the bungee jumping thing.

Does it mean, it isn’t just Jimin. Yoongi too? She grunted under her sharp breath. Seul was making sense out of this again. How was it possible to have three guys chasing after her fragile heart?

   This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2020. All Rights Reserved

[zombiequincy]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

[onlyonewoman]

Me rambling about Deran and Adrian

One of the things I love the most about Deran’s love life developement with Adrian and his character developement as a whole, is how much more restrained he is when it comes to act out on impulse. I know Smurf and J are the brains of the family and Pope has the cautiousness and, when his illness isn’t controlling him too much, actually the stable part who neither Smurf nor J can manipulate that easily. With Angela there’s another story, but we leave her manipulative ass out for the moment.  Craig might be a dumbass, but he’s not very impulsive and I’m very happy he made Deran realise that being even close to a cop bar was a very bad idea. Thank you, for being a good brother, Craig. (And yes, if you stay off the coke and actually start thinking ahead like you just did with Deran, you might have a chance to become pretty decent dad. Well, if Renn doesn’t decide to take off with the kid, of course.) Deran, I think, has shown that he’s not only starting to think ahead a lot more - we’ve seen that develope ever since he brought the bar and began to carve out a life for himself - but he’s also shown that he’s: - No longer living on the edge as he did in the first two seasons. He’s not goofing around at parties or raising hell just for the sake of it. He’s no longer the guy who makes jackass skateboard jumps off the pier to get an adrenaline rush and keeping up a reputation as a badass.  - Very much aware of how his family works. He trusts Craig, but that’s about it. He knows that THIS brother has his back no matter what, and in this episode he also showed that he’s taking his advices because yeah, Craig isn’t the brightest crayon in the box, but he’s the only one in the family who Deran knows wont hurt Adrian willingly.  - Listening to Adrian. Deran wont hurt kids, I’m somehow pretty sure about that, because that would cross a line that I think both him and Adrian know could be the end of their relationship because, and this is important: that’s not who Deran is and Adrian isn’t ready to protect himself at the cost of Deran crossing that line. They’ve come so fucking far in communication since first season. - No longer trying to deal with things on his own, away from Adrian. Yes, he killed Colby, but it was a big deal for him. He’s not a sociopath and wasn’t in any way comfortable crossing that line. It didn’t come natural to him and, ironically, I think this might be the closest thing he’s come to something that reminds of Smurf’s brutality - only he clearly has a conscience which his mother lacks. - Not seeking a position of power over anyone to just feel in control, as he did in the first two seasons. It clearly became less of that as soon as he got the bar, but I love how he’s using his newfound stability (stable in comparison to being controlled by Smurf and his brothers) to look to the future and not needing someone to control to feel confident. That’s one MAJOR difference from the way he was raised and the development has come, in my opinion, very naturally ever since Adrian rejected him in season 1. I think that loss and the realisation that it was his toxic relationship with Smurf that ruined not just the thing with Adrian, but everything in his life. - Taking emotional responsibility and yes, I know a lot of people are rooting for the original underdog J, but listen: while J is developing towards the toxic Cody webb even when he’s trying not to, Deran has both his head and his heart in place now. J has the brains, but he’s on full survival mode and only thinks about himself. I don’t blame him, but it’s been clear to me that since he left Nicky outside the E.R., because no matter her faults, she was a truly kind person and a good friend who was no more and no less bad as any other teenager in her situation. And J, ever since her dad told him off at the hospital, seems completely fine with ditching any contact with the one person outside the family who actually was nice and supportive towards him as a person. Deran, on the other hand, has gone in the opposite direction and the show has dropped little bits of that developement really well as in: 1. Accepting Adrian not wanting him anymore and staying away after the thing with Dave in season 1. 2. Embracing the fact that while Adrian is his one true love, Deran isn’t gay just for him. (Remember: ”No, not guys! It’s just you!” in season 1?) He’s accepting himself as a gay man, with or without Adrian and that, my friends, is actually a really big step because all too many people denying who they are, find it impossible to see themselves as gay, only accepting that they “do things that gay people do”. 3. Showing that he can be protective without getting possessive. In season one he sent Pope to beat up Dave because he felt so threatened but didn’t dare to do it himself, which was equally evil and cowardly. He didn’t show remorse at first, getting all cocky when Adrian confronted him, but as he’s LISTENING TO CRAIG and Craig actually has some really good relationship advices as well as a completely natural lack of homophobia (he’s one of the best big brother allies ever!) Deran clearly feels remorse and tries to tell Adrian he wants it to be okay. 4. Showing himself all vulnerable to Adrian that night in season 1 after the party - he’s crying ffs! - and when his instinct to lash out comes, he’s restraining it, grunting in frustration and clenching his fists because he KNOWS he’s lost the man he loves (although he’s not capable of knowing that it’s love because he’s so emotionally suppressed) but he also JUST KNOWS that he has no right to demand Adrian to give him something he can’t. I think that’s the first time we see that Deran clearly knows on some level, unconsciously, that trying to force Adrian back to him in any way, would mean he’s becoming Smurf and that’s what he hates about himself. Not the gay, but the Smurf part. 5. Letting himself embrace and explore his sexuality in more healthy ways, experiencing both rejection (Mark Liston) and being the one rejecting someone (Linc). Yes, Linc was “scared away”, but it was pretty clear that the good, hot and sweet nurse wanted to get more serious and Deran didn’t, so he didn’t pretend he was and sure, he didn’t like the guy, but considering how he responded to even the idea of rejection (Dave and Adrian outside the restaurant) and how he let Smurf control him out of fear of being on his own, he’s developed a lot more healthy attitude towards relationships in general: he no longer tries to control his sexuality in ways that hurt himself or others.  6. Slowly taking the steps first towards a life on his own and then towards a life with someone he’s choosing and who’s choosing him. I like how the show presents the domestic life with Adrian as something very natural and I personally think that comes from their time in Belize. They don’t need a getting used to one another being around, because they already know it works. I like the pace of it and how it wasn’t rushed. 7. Letting Deran show Adrian, time and again in lots of ways, that he’s sorry for all the bad things he did. (I don’t remember the actual quote from Adrian but it was something like “You don’t have to keep saying you’re sorry”, which, in case people still wondered if Adrian had forgiven him, shows he really has.) Deran earned his forgiveness by making things - and himself - better. He’s not once shown violent or overly controlling tendencies towards Adrian since they started seeing each other again. No one, and I mean NO ONE of the other characters have shown that kind of self-awareness AND responsibility in a relationship. I also love how the first completely private scene with them in season 1, not only was in Adrian’s home but also at night, as if Deran was afraid to show even ONE neighbor that he was seeing him. He didn’t even use the door, but broke in through a window like the criminal he is/was, because that was literally his idea of getting what he wanted, and how he’s now, three seasons later, not just is all out and open, but is making huge efforts for them to be together and for Adrian to be comfortable (”you need a real bed”), making him breakfast, and then, this season, they’re not only open, but living together as a couple, cuddling in bed in the mornings and how Deran, instead of taking Adrian from behind in the darkness, is fucking in FRONT OF THE BATHROOM MIRROR, snuggling in the morning light, petting and kissing and sorry, guys, but are we really appreciating this developement enough?  The show gave us angry, toxic closet momma boy gay controlling his partner both emotionally and physically and while I hoped for SOME development, never in my wildest dreams could I, not even when Adrian kissed Deran in the office in season 2 episode 11 (”The Leopard”) and I’m just asking: were is the reckognition from especially LGBTQ media? This relationship is not only the best in the show, or one of the best in the LGBT section in years, but it’s also in general a really good fucking love storyline. I feel blessed and whatever happens, I just want them to be safe.

[glitterfilledtrashcan]

I ended up drawing the older/adult versions of my rapr smeets! I’m still working things out, but here’s what I have so far.

Flirt:

-The third one of the clutch born

-Tallest of her siblings, but shorter than both Red and Purple by a small fraction

-Worked her way through the Irken military (With some obvious help from her status as the Tallest’s smeet + being from the first natural born clutch in a long while)

-Lost her eye, has several other injuries that are mostly kept hidden under clothing

-The Tallest’s favorite (Favoritism in them is mostly based on height)

-After sustaining her injuries, because she still wanted to be part of the military without having to be out in the field, was put into the Army Operations Manager position after the last guy was 'sadly’ found unfit for the job and was reprogrammed to work as a janitor on a faraway and hostile planet. I’m sure he’s enjoying that

Byzantium

-The fourth one of the clutch born

-Shortest of her siblings, but still receives a healthy amount of favoritism when compared to how the Tallests treat your average Irken

-Somehow came out quite intelligent despite being the related to/raised by the Tallests 

-She does have her dumb moments, or moments where she’ll lash out and get mad for something very minor and/or unimportant

-She’s a scientist that specifically works in the manufacturing/testing/designing of machinery that benefits everyday life and the military

-Was inspired at a young age by her sire’s(Red’s) designs of some artillery that he was working on. (He’s actually quite good at stuff like that thanks to his time before being Tallest)

-Is the shortest scientist on her team. It’s no secret she wouldn’t even be one had it not been for her relationship with her parents, and just what they’d probably do to get her in that position. Only the best for their smeets, after all, even if they are short

Jazzberry:

-First of the clutch born

-Was obviously more than quite the shock, even to her parents who didn’t know of the impending arrival of their smeets

-Some Irkens arient really sure she’s the Tallests’ smeet, even though there’s no other logical conclusion to come to. She’s very nice and bubbly, loves to talk to people and loves physical affection like hugging

-Has a girlfriend who she is very faithful to (Plus the gf’s taller, which Purple and Red love, in the event they somehow have a clutch, or clutches, of their own)

-Was arguably the least favorite of the clutch, or it seems that way to outsiders at least. After all, she’s never really gotten too much special attention, and other than the fact she was the first one born has nothing too special about her

-Red and Purple would still maim or kill anyone who hurt or threatened her, though, not that anyone would be dumb enough to

-Works as a navigator, and it quite good at identifying known constellations and mapping our uncharted ones they’re going through

-Was the easiest one to raise, which is why Red and Purple love her so much, even if they don’t show it publicly too often. She would just lay there and giggle, rarely crying, and more than content to just sit in one of the Tallests’ laps as they looked over reports while her other siblings ran around and caused havok

Periwinkle

-Seconds of clutch born

-Was the largest for a while, giving him a lot of attention he truly did not want from his parents, as well as other Irkens

-He was very relieved when both Smitten and Flirt grew taller than him in their later years

-Somehow ends up eating more than both Red and Purple, mostly because he stress eats

-Enjoys spending time alone, or just with his family. He freezes up and begins stuttering and mumbling when confronted, or even just talked to, by other Irkens on person, and nearly goes fully still and unresponsive when he has to deal with the Computers

-He does much better talking with people he’s not comfortable with over video

-His main job is to keep up to date records. Not only on Irken history, propaganda, etc., but also intelligence gather on enemies, whether through Invaders or otherwise

-He hates when invaders and such give him irrelevant data, as it still needs to be put down. As in, he has to take the time out of his day to sit down and write all thus ‘useless’ data

-Whenever he is seen in public, he is always with Red, Purple, Smitten, or Flirt. He literally has not been seen by himself, in PUBLIC, without one of them since he was a wee smeet. Said individuals are usually a lot more alert/confrontational when with him, keeping others away. It’s mostly instinctual because they can sense his discomfort(through body/antennae language), and immedently get the, ‘Oh no, danger, back off’, instinct. Red and Purple more so, once again due to instinct, more so parental 

-Antennae are very sensitive to vibrations, as well as other ways Irkens communicate using them, so he tends to get very stressed and overwhelmed in crowds, one of the many reasons he can’t stand being in public

Smitten:

-The fifth smeet born

-The more serious out of her siblings

-She does not get along well with Flirt, and is very cold/cordial when she has to speak with her. She also makes her antennae stand up straighter/taller when around her

-This is mostly because she was the first one of the two to get their growth spurt. She got all the attention from her parents and other Irkens, until Flirt shot up past her. Needless to say, Flirt was the one getting the most attention after that, and she wan’t so happy about it

-She gets along well with the rest of her siblings, but gets along with Byzantium the best. She annoys her the least, or so she says

-Other than Flirt, she is the only other one who has killed another person, Irken or otherwise

-Said people may or may not be related to the disappearance of the previous adviser, which the Tallests waved off as something unimportant when brought up to them, as well as some individuals who threatened her position, but also the position of her brother. (More of a, if he won’t do it, I will, sort of deal)

-People wonder when her taller sister is going to go ‘missing’ under ‘mysterious circumstances’, but that honestly wont happen until Red and Purple both pass away. After all, they won’t let the death of their daughter slip under the rug

-Is actually a good adviser. Not the best, but the body counts and over-taken planets are still high and only getting higher

-Rarely speaks to others outside of her family, but does have something going on with a special someone. Someone whose not exactly of the Irken race

All

-All of them don’t have Paks. This is because they were born naturally, and as such, attaching a Pak on them would cause them to, well, not die, but basically be in a comatose state for the rest of their life. Which would probably be extremely shortened due to the body attaching the spinal cord in an attempt to gill the foreign object/invader inside them (The computers knew this from the early days of ‘taking over’ the empire)

-All of them, because they are naturally born, are fully able to produce smeets of their own with ease. Irkens, before they required smeeteries, produced A LOT of smeets, as in 1-12 in a clutch, and could become ‘pregnant’ again soon after. Doesn’t help that all of them can both sire and incubate said smeets. Normal Irkens CAN produce clutches, obviously since they were born, but this scenario was so low the Computers thought it wouldn’t happen

-You see, in this kinda au-thing I’m working on, the Computers couldn’t just make artificial smeets without reproductive and social organs(Like the crop). The first ‘batch’, and the several ones after that through experimenting, were basically useless. They basically could not function because their bodies needed them to A) Produce certain hormones necessary for their survival, and B) Without their social organs they were incapable of forming bonds with other Irkens, and also almost incapable of properly communicating with one another, as even their antennae, which Irkens use to express most of their emotions, were even stiff and un-moving. They also didn’t produce hormones that Irkens usually give off to communicate. Needless to say, that was a mess. Soo..

-The computers kept the organs, but the Paks keep most of their levels down, preventing most clutches to be formed, or if they are, they die shortly after conception. (In fact, although the Tallests don’t know this, they’ve had several of those). This is fine, as most of the Irken population is too busy working and taking over planets that they don’t have time to procreate, meaning their already low chances of having smeets gets even smaller. However, Red and Purple don’t really have this problem, aannnd, they’re the first Tallests to rule together, adding together the fact they are mates. It just led to a lot of failing to conceive clutches until Purple carried one to a term they could just barely live outside the body, completely on accident. Without even knowing he was. Not like they have sex-ed on Irken or anything 

[shadowhuntersimagines]

Best friend

A/N: Sorry guys i know - been really bad at posting. my problem is i know what i want to write, but the words won't come to me... love you xx

Words: 2003

You quickly ran to get your gear. You and Alec were on command this evening, when an alarm went off, telling you a demon had showed its true self in front of people. “Alec, have you got the location yet?” You quickly typed the code to the weapon closet. “no, I'm trying to! please find my bow for me.” You pulled out his bow and his bag with arrows. “Have you notified Izzy Jace and Clary?” You pulled out a sword one for youself. “Yes, I have Y/N they are on their way!” You pulled out two swords, one for Clary and one for Jace, just as the trio missing walked in. “Good, Jace take these for me. “You put the swords in Jace’ arms as you went to put on your jacket. “Found it! It’s in a mall...” Jace stood beside Alec looking at the map. “Looks like a bunch of teenagers are at danger, so let get going!”  

The mall was almost empty, only a few people was leaving the mall, some was leaving in order to escape whatever demon, had found its way in. Some were just closing their stores and leaving quietly and confused about the fuss. “Do we know where it is and what kind it is?” Clary first looked at Alec then at you. “No idea... Well just have to listen, activate your awareness rune...” Alec looked at you and took a step closer to you. “This time I don’t want you to do anything stupid. I know how you like to be reckless, but I'm not feeling it today. I don’t want to burry you in the Silent city, okay?” You rolled your eyes and gave Alec a smile. “Okay I promise, I won't do anything reckless today. AND I promise you wont have to burry me in the Silent city!” You swung your arm around his waist, and his arm landed on your shoulder. “Thanks... Now active that rune of yours.” You nodded quickly and found your stele in your pocket. You lifted your underarm and let the stele over the rune. The group stood still, holding your breath just to listen. A crash sounded over you. You all looked up through the area of the second floor, which was made of glass. The teenagers were screaming as the black mass hit the glass, making it break. “GET OUT OF THE WAY Y/N!” Isabelle screamed as she pushed Alec away from the falling glass. Jace had his arms around Clary, making sure she was safe from the glass. But you weren’t fast enough. The glass came breaking down around you with the demon, which turned out to be an Elapid demon. The big snake like demon stood in its massive glory hissing at you. You knew this demon was extremely venomous. Not only were its venom very painful, leaving anybody paralyzed, some demons venom would kill you. If that wasn’t enough its ichor would burn your skin, close to the feeling of burning alive. And right now, you were laying in a big pool of your own blood, caused by the falling glass, with a bleeding angry elapid. Don’t move, don’t move, don’t move. All you wanted to do was scream out of pain, but you knew the second you did it, the elapid would attack you. “Y/n! You have to get out of the way!” Alec look so hopeless, just wanting you to get away from the demon. He had studied themselves, he knew what it would do, and what would happen if it did. “Y/n can’t move. It will attack...” Alec interrupted himself and pinched his nose trying to figure out what to do.  

If the group moved, the elapid would attack them, they could easily split up and save you. But the elapid would definitely touch you, making you scream out in pain. He didn’t know how bad you were hurt. But he couldn’t think of any other solution the get the elapid away from you.  

You looked at Alec with pleading eyes. He was having an inner battle, he looked so sad. “Y/n, I'm sorry. Please don’t scream when I do this. It’s the only solution I can come up with.” You could feel your heart beating through your chest. When Alec said stuff like that it meant serious business, and right at that moment you were scared of dying. “When I count to three, we have to run, one for each direction. You have to have your weapons ready, but do it slowly. No sudden movements.” Alec felt sick, he was scared of losing you. You were the first person he opened up to about Magnus. About his feelings. You knew everything about him, and he about you. But you were young and he never realized how dangerous these missions were until you stood here now. “one... two... y/n, I'm sorry... three.”   As Alec had predicted the injured elapid collided with you. The pain that ran through your body wasn’t that bad. But the ichor of the demon found its way to you, making you scream out in pain. Alec turned around in a panic, and started to shoot his arrows at demon. So stress about your screams that he kept missing. Your blood curdling scream made everyone stop. The elapid spun around seeking you again. As you looked up in the jaws of the elapid, a yellowish drop started to form on its fang. Please make the pain stop. You didn’t know if you could keep your promise. If death meant for the pain to stop then it should be. I’m sorry Alec.   As the drop fell from the fang, the elapid withered into a black mass. It felt like the world was in slow-motion. Jace had sliced the elapid in half, it started the wither. First when the elapid was gone Alec saw the drop of venom falling towards your face. It all happen so quickly, the ichor was still burning you up, but as the venom hit your face, you screamed even louder. The groups rushed to your side, as you fell silent. “No please please please Y/n! Stay awake!” The ichor was all over your skin. Normally the gear would keep you safe from venom, but it had all been sliced open by the glass making you an easy victim. I want to sleep; the pain is gone. A smile crept onto your face, as the room grew totally dark.  

Alec was pacing across the floor. He couldn’t keep calm. Magnus was with you at the moment and had been for the past half an hour. “Alec, Magnus will save her, okay?” Izzy laid her arms on his shoulders. “Magnus knows what she means to you. He will do whatever stands in his power to make it all okay!” Alec looked down onto the floor. He has let you down, you weren’t even reckless this time, just so unfortunate, that it could be a lie. “I know... But what if he can’t? I need to see her.” Alec almost ran towards your room, where he knew you and Magnus would be. Your face was so peaceful, as you ever felt pain. Magnus was deeply concentrated, mumbling under his breath as his hands kept going back and forth over your body. Alec stepped forward. He felt so bad, this was all his fault. What kind of friend could save his best friend? He had to give you a break, from him, from pain, from getting hurt. “She is all done. She will be fine, Alec.” Magnus went towards Alec, stepping behind him, laying his hands on his shoulders. “How are you?” Magnus gave Alec a kiss on the neck. “I don’t know. I don’t feel anything right now.” Magnus took a step to face Alec. “Then notify me when you do, my love.” Magnus cared his cheek, as he left the room. Alec knelt down beside your bed, and took your hand in his. “I am so sorry Y/n. You deserve so much better than me. You have saved me so many times I can’t count on my fingers, but when you need me the most, I can’t save you...” He felt tears welled up in his eyes, as he kissed your hand. “I have to do this, hopefully you will forgive me someday.” He let the tears fall as he stood up and kissed your forehead.  

It had now been a few after the accident, and Alec had been ignoring you. No small talk at breakfast only a short answer, the same thing in the afternoon. Walking around the institute, he would walk away if you went towards him. You had asked Isabelle what was wrong, but she didn’t know. Whenever she had asked him, he would ignore her too.  

Weeks turned into months, and you were getting real crappy. You had tried and tried and tried to make him talk to you. You had asked everyone he knew why he treated you like that. It was like you were invisible to him. Magnus didn’t know, Izzy, Jace, Clary didn’t know. You had asked the other shadowhunters working at the institute, they didn’t know. You had to confront him, which was hard when he was ignoring you.  

“Jace! You have to help me!” You stood in the hallway leading up to Alec’ office. Jace looked at you nodding slowly “He leaves when he sees me, but if you lock the door on the outside, he can’t leave me.” You looked at Jace, he knew how bad you felt. “Sure, is he in his office now are you ready?” You quickly nodded, and went to Alec’ office. You knocked on the door. “Come in.” You quickly went in as Jace locked the door from the outside. “Y/n?” Alec looked up from his paperwork. “Oh you remember my name??” Alec looked down into the table and stood up to walk out of the door. “No way you are leaving. Now you tell me why you are being the biggest asshole, that I have ever met!” Alec sighed an turned to you. “What do you want Y/n?” You looked at him as if he had eaten rocks. “What I want? I just told you what I want!! I want you to tell me why you have been ignoring me since the accident at the mall. I almost died, then I wake up and my best friend is ignoring me like I am invisible?! Like I wasn’t hurting enough?” Alec hid his face in his hands. “I’m sorry Y/n, I just don’t feel like I'm good enough for you. I can’t save you when you need me the most? Then what use am I for?” You wanted to slap him, so hard he fell of his chair. “Are you kidding me? You’re my best friend. If it wasn’t for your boyfriend I would have died. I would have died if you hadn’t done anything! I need your support. Friends don’t just save each other in need. They talk to you, getting things of your chest if you’re feeling down.” He knew it all, he knew how stupid he had been, but it seemed so logical when you were hurt. He knew he had been a dick to you, he knew you didn’t deserve what he had done to you. He looked embarrassed when he looked at you. “Can you forgive me?” You started motionless at him, you went to stand beside his chair, as you slapped his cheek. He quickly laid his own hand on his now red cheek. “Yeah, if you don’t do shit like that ever again, or I'll be the one burring you in the Silent city.” He gave you a little smile while nodding. “That’s fair. I deserve it.” You padded his red cheek carefully. “Idiot, I love you. Okay? But I will kill you if you do it again.” He made his lips into a line trying not to laugh. “I know. Love you too.”  

[mikexfaisty]

My first IT fic and it’s finally reddie! Terrible pun but please go review! I’m going to be posting more IT related stuff on my AOA account. I have a couple ideas in mind. Send me prompts! I’ll write about any of the losers! 

 https://archiveofourown.org/users/amanderrpanderr

Title: Forever

Summary:  Eddie reveals to Richie he's leaving Derry. Takes place after IT Chapter 1.

"My mom's selling the house".

It had came rather abruptly and for once, the loudmouth Richie Tozier was too stunned to speak. He turned to look over at Eddie, who was looking away from him. Maybe he had misheard his best friend. Eddie had his scarf so tightly round his neck, it was covering his mouth. He looked like the little brother from A Christmas Story. Perhaps Richie had just misheard him.

"I'm sorry did I hear you correctly? Your mother is selling your house?" Richie asked when he was finally able to find his voice. Eddie nodded, refusing to look at him.

Richie should have known something was up since earlier that morning. Eddie had been oddly quiet, not quite himself. It was the first week back since winter break. February had been a harsh winter for Derry. This past weekend had brought a lot of snow. It was Thursday and the pair were doing what they had always done, walked home from school together. Usually, they would have taken their bikes but that was hard to do in the winter. It was easier, and safer, to walk in the snow. Lucky for them, the sidewalks were neatly paved. Though it hadn't been that way on Monday. Derry high school didn't close for shit and Richie had spent the whole walk listening to Eddie freak out about how they were going to get frostbite. Though he had played off being annoyed, he secretly liked Eddie's little rants. God, for once he wished it was still Monday.

"Fuck," Richie muttered, before getting louder, "Fucking christ this sucks the rot Eds! First Bev, now you" He kicked angrily at a rock that was in their pathway, watching as it sunk into the snow, "Maybe no one will take it," he added quickly. His mind coming up with a million reasons on why and how this move was not going to happen, "I mean, who in their right mind would move to this shit-hole anyway".

At first, Eddie didn't say anything. He didn't even object to his hated nickname. But then Eddie had stopped walking, which in turn caused Richie too as well. Eddie looked nervous, his eyes darting everywhere except at Richie, "She already sold it," he mumbled softly, twiddling with the zipper on his jacket, "We leave for New York right after school ends..."

Richie was dumbfounded, "Are you fucking serious?! That's only like...four months from now". This was all happening way to fast. He had been to Eddie's house nearly everyday the past few months. Not once did he see a for sale sign or any other indication that Sonia had been trying to sell, "I guess property value goes up when the child eating clown gets killed! Who the fuck knew!" It had been several months since the defeat of Pennywise and nearly as long since they lost Beverly to Portland. The once seven members would soon be down to five.

Eddie had always knew his future laid outside Derry. After all the shit he had been through in Derry, he knew he couldn't stay here for the rest of his life. It was being separated from his friends that was going to be the hard part. He thought he had three years till they would all go off to college. Now he would have to start high school all over again at a new school... with no friends. Eddie shook his head, "She sold it pretty quickly. I didn't know until she had already done it".

"I can't believe we had to spend our last summer together nearly getting eaten by that shape shifting fuckface," Richie said angrily, "What's so great about New York anyway?"

The smaller boy was looking a little green, "My mom's sister lives there. She's got cancer and mom wants to be closer to her. We're the only family she's got," Eddie sighed, "Plus what had happened this summer".

Sonia Kaspbrak had always disliked his friends, that was abundantly clear. After his arm accident on Neibolt, she had sworn that he would never be allowed around them. Hell, if she had had it her way, he probably would have never left the house unless it was to pick up his medicine. Oddly enough it had been Gretta who had freed him from his mother's lies. After he confronted his mother about his medication, it had been a whirlwind. The night he had returned after the defeat of Pennywise had been particularly rough. Unsurprisingly, she had freaked out when he had come home covered in filth and shit. After he had taken a shower and convinced his mother he was physically alright, they had continued their talk from earlier that day. She had once again denied making up his illnesses and was quick to blame his friends for his problems. Eddie had been firm. It took a lot of convincing, and mild threats that he'd never speak to her again, for her to back down. Their relationship was far from perfect, but he had hoped this would set them in the right direction. Although, there was no convincing his mother to at least hold out till he graduated. The house was sold. There was no going back now.

"And the others? Do they know?"

Eddie shook his head, "No. I-I want to but..." he was shaking a little now. His left hand was deep in his coat pocket, digging, "I was thinking maybe tomorrow bu-but,"

Richie stared at the inhaler which Eddie had removed from his pocket. He frowned, "I thought you got rid of that thing," Richie grabbed it, much to Eddie's protest. He shook it and sprayed, holding it out of Eddie's reach, "Gazebos remember?"

"Yeah I know just..." and Eddie continued in his attempt to grab the inhaler, "Stop you're wasting it!"

"You don't need this stuff," Richie said firmly. He had stopped spraying but still help it above Eddie's head, "Not anymore,"

The inhaler had sat on the nightstand in his room since the day they defeated Pennywise. Eddie hadn't thought he would ever need to use it, not since the confrontation with his mother. The day she had revealed they would be moving, he had felt drawn to use it. He had lasted about a week, before he had slipped it on his coat early this morning. It had sat there all day. As soon as he had announced the move, he could feel it weighing down in his pocket. Eddie knew Richie was right. He didn't need it. But there was still a part of him missed the comfort the inhaler once gave him. He stopped reaching, "Fine I wont use it,". Richie didn't look to convinced, "I wont", he insisted again, "Just give it back. Please". At first, Eddie wasn't sure Richie would. But after a beat, Richie had capped it and placed it in Eddie's open hand.

"Fine," Richie said shortly. He watched as Eddie hesitated, before it was slipped back in his coat.

They continued to walk for another two blocks. Neither of them spoke until they had reached Eddie's house. There was no car in the driveway indicating Sonia was still at work. The two stood in silence, as if waiting for the other to speak first. The person ended up being Eddie. He was shifting back and forth in his spot, his bottom lip quivering, "Remember what Stan asked in the club house awhile back?" he began, once again refusing to meet Richie's eyes, "He asked if we'd all remain friends....if we'd still remember each other"

"No way I could forget that ugly mug of yours".

Eddie's eye twitched, but he once again ignored the jest, "We'll still be friends right?"

Forget the losers? Forget Eddie? Richie wasn't sure it was possible to forget them. They weren't just his friends, they were family. The thought of losing touch with any of them was scary to Richie. And he could tell Eddie had similar feelings. But after all they had been through, they were worth fighting for. Richie had to believe their friendship could withstand distance.

"Forever," Richie said, trying to sound as confident as he could. Eddie nodded but the worried look on his face stayed the same. Richie gripped Eddie's arm, "I mean it Eddie. Derry, New York, wherever. You'll never be able to get rid of me," he said teasingly. He let go of Eddie's arm before adding, "No way I'm letting any of you guys go," and for a moment, Richie could feel a twinge of pain on his hand where Bill had sliced it.

"Forever," Eddie echoed back.

Richie could see Eddie was relaxing a bit. He nodded "We'll make sure to do everything," he promised. As he gazed at Eddie's house, he felt a bit uneasy. The thought that by this time next year, some other people would be living there crossed his mind. He pushed those thoughts away, putting on his best smile, "We'll see ever movie the Aladdin has to offer, the arcade, sleepovers with the other guys, panty raids, finally getting someone to touch your dick beside your right ha-"

"Bee-beep, asshole," Eddie interrupted, shoving Richie lightly. He tried to sound annoyed but Richie could tell he was trying not to smile.

"I'm serious spaghetti man! Make me a list of all the stuff you wanna do and we'll do it," Richie was already coming up with a million other ideas, "And...and I can visit New York,". Fuck his parents better let him. Even if he had to do extra chores all year. Hell, he'd hitchhike to New York if he'd have to. Although, he'd probably have more of a problem convincing Eddie's mom.

For the first time of the afternoon, Eddie smiled, "Thanks Richie,". He then made to turn towards the path that led to his house. But suddenly, Eddie stopped himself. He turned back, slamming his body into Richie's and wrapping his arms tightly around him. The hug had took him by surprise, though definitely not unwanted, causing Richie to fumble back a few steps. Then sudden warmth had brought a tint of red to his cheeks and caused his glasses to began to fog up. When he got his bearings, Richie returned the hug. After what seemed like forever, Eddie finally pulled away and headed up to the house.

Before Eddie made it inside, Richie called out to him, "Give your mom a kiss for me!"

He watched as his friend paused at the door. Not bothering to turn around, Eddie slipped Richie the finger. Richie laughed and watched as Eddie went inside.

No way I'm letting you go...

[angrylizardjacket]

ask you destiny to dance [7] {Roger Taylor}

[masterpost]

“What did you do? Ash is more pissed at you than usual.” Brian’s looking covertly between Ash wiping glasses at the bar, and Roger, adjusting the height of his high hats a few weeks after he’d confronted her about August. She hadn’t spoken to him directly since then, but the other band members were starting to catch on.

“I didn’t do anything-” Roger tries to protest, but Freddie’s laugh cuts him off.

“He made a comment about Pocket Rocket’s dear friend.” Freddie adds, having adapted to the nickname with ease, an amused smile on his face as he looks at Roger over his shoulder.

“You mean her boyfriend.” Roger snaps, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ash tense at the bar, giving away her eavesdropping, though he didn’t call her out on it.

“Ash isn’t dating that guy, he’s like forty.” Brian laughed, but Roger caught the way Freddie’s expression darkened, though he didn’t dwell on it, and Roger’s own smile became knowing and bitter.

“Yeah, listen Bri, I know what I said.” He responded venomously, and the mood around them sobered considerably. “I don’t like him, okay, he’s too old for her,” after a beat, he wrinkled his nose, “got a dickhead aura.” 

“You’ve met him once.” John points out, trying to lighten the aura. Roger just bristled at the statement.

“Rog is just fond of her,” Freddie cuts in, voice a little condescending, smile mischievous, “let him be jealous, it might take him down a peg or two.”  

“I’m not bloody jealous of that creep!” After a beat of feeling particularly hurt, and Freddie’s commenting hitting a little too close to home, he hears himself lashing out, “And how low do you think my standards really are, Freds?” And that shocked Freddie into silence, eyes wide and disbelieving, his eyebrows raised, as he turned away, jaw clenched.

“You really are just trying to burn that bridge while we’re standing on it, aren’t you?” Brian shook his head, sighing heavily as he went back to his guitar.

“Roger,” John said carefully, coming over to speak quietly to the drummer, as the rest of the band turned away, uncomfortable, “let me get the drinks tonight.” And it’s not what he expected to hear, but when he looks to John, John’s looking over at the bar. Ash is making direct eye contact with him, her customer service smile looking mostly threatening as she keeps polishing the same spot on a glass. “Because that woman is going to spit in all of your drinks and make you watch.” John explains, now looking to Roger, who’s expression was carefully neutral, trying not to betray his own anger at himself. “And as much as I love our dear Pocket Rocket, it’s not something I particularly want.” 

She’s definitely gone back to hating him, and he didn’t realise how much it would hurt. 

The worst part is that she’s so damn happy around everyone else, and he hates himself for being hurt by that. He’s angry, but not at her (never at her, not for something like this) he’s angry because he sees the way she smiles at him from behind the bar, and he sees the way August spends more time looking at the girls in the crowd, though she can’t even tell from where she’s standing. Roger’s angry because she fucking gushes about August - “He’s just made tenure!” - and yet he won’t even touch her if there’s someone else around. He’s livid because she’s so clearly in love with him, but she still can’t bring herself to tell the others his name because she knows - knows - something’s up with August, even if she doesn’t want to admit it, even if the others can’t see it.

Except that’s not the reason she doesn’t say his name.

“He’s here at every show, we should say thank you.” Brian tries after a gig, talking mainly to Roger and John, as Freddie had been giggling with Mary, the two of them in their own little world. Ash is nowhere to be seen. Roger takes another drag of his cigarette.

“Heaps of people are fans of us, it doesn’t mean we have to personally thank them every time.” Roger scoffed, but Brian made a noise in the back of his throat that sounded like he disagreed.

“It’s a show of good faith, we should at least shake hands with-” and he paused for a moment, brow furrowing, “what’d she say his name was again?”

“Doctor Reid, if I recall.” John piped up, and Brian shifted his weight, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, but what’s his first name? That sounds so formal, like, ‘Oh, can I grab you a beer Doctor Reid?’” He put on a voice, laughing at his own joke, looking to John, who just shrugged helplessly.

“August.” Roger’s voice is very quiet, hunched in on himself sitting in the back of the van. Brian frowns, leaning in a little, confused as to both how Roger has kept this for so long, and what the name actually was. “His name’s August.” Roger repeated, voice heavy but louder this time. Freddie freezes. “She calls him Gus.” He adds.

“You’re joking, right?” Freddie says into the uncertain silence, and that’s the moment that the back door comes crashing open and Ash comes out, grinning, hands in her pockets.

“Hey guys,” she grinned, nodding at them, not even sparing Roger a glace, “could I have my jacket back? You can drop the pants back tomorrow if you like.” Freddie turns to her, eyes wide, disbelieving smile still frozen almost painfully onto his face, not removing the oversized, blood red velour button down shirt Freddie had been wearing over a black singlet.

“Is that man we keep seeing Gus?” He asked, voice scarily neutral. None of the others had ever heard him like this, had barely heard Freddie genuinely angry like this, and Ash’s expression dropped.

“I’ve gotta go.” It’s not the answer any of them expect, nor is Ash turning on her heel and heading back into the pub before the door had even swung fully shut. Turning back to the band, they could all see that Freddie was livid.

“I’m going to gut the bastard. Gut him like a goddamn fish, I swear I will.” He seethed, hands curling and uncurling into fists, staring at the gravel. It was as if the air around him was snapping with the electricity of a storm. Looking up, all Freddie could see was how shocked the others were, even Roger, and he clenched his jaw, forcing himself to calm down.

“That’s the bastard that ruined her life.” He admitted through clenched teeth. “Roger’s fucking right, the man’s no good.” And Roger couldn’t even take the moment to bask in the vindication that would have usually surged through him at being told he was right, instead, his blood runs cold.

“He what?” Mary asked softly, and Freddie’s expression softened, looking finally between all of them, realising what he’d said.

“He’s the reason she was expelled from her last university, and...” Frowning, Freddie shakes his head. Brian, John, and Mary all took a moment to process this new information, shock written all over their faces. “It’s not my place,” and he started on a new strand of information, “he was her teacher, he started a clandestine affair with her when she started university, and,” pausing again, he sighed, the anger still clearly flowing through him, though it had simmered down to a bitter rage, “not my place.” He repeated. 

“Doesn’t he have a wife and family? How old was she?” Brian asked, a little aghast, and Freddie sighed.

“She was eighteen.” Freddie sighed.

“She was a kid.” Roger breathed, anger bubbling up inside of him.

“Hey, that’s only a year younger than me.” John pointed out, but Roger turned on him.

“Oh, I’m sorry John, are you having an affair with one of your teachers that we need to stage an intervention for?” He snapped, and John’s face fell, and he looked to the ground.

“I’m just saying she was an adult is all, doesn’t make it right, but she can make her own choices.” He paused. “She seems happy.” Both Freddie and Roger deflated at that, they’re all quiet for a long moment, and without a word, Freddie heads inside.

“Ash.” When he says her name, she looks up with an expression that tells him she’s ready to fight.

“He’s different now, Freddie.” She tells him, already defending herself and the man who she knows in her heart probably doesn’t deserve it. Freddie was ready to fight him the moment he heard August’s name, and he didn’t even know the full story. Sure he could gather the impact it had on Ash, but he never really truly realised the effect August had on her.

“What does that mean, Ash? What exactly is keeping me from coming over here and beating him bloody with my microphone next time we play here?” Freddie asked, voice very serious. Pulling off her apron, Ash told Maureen, who had been eavesdropping on the conversation, that she was knocking off for the night, which Maureen agreed to, and Ash walked around the bar and took Freddie’s hand.

“We’re not having this conversation here.” She hissed, pulling him into the staff bathroom and locking it behind them. “I love him.” She said through gritted teeth, crossing her hands over her chest, looking away. “And after everything I did, I think he still loves me too.”

“After everything you- Ash do you hear yourself?” Freddie takes a deep breath, steadying himself, holding her shoulders, “He start an affair with you, his student, refuse to be seen with you in public, and used his power within the faculty to kick you out of school when you wanted to stop-”

“I only wanted to stop because I found out he was engaged when his fiance found out about me!” Ash cried, as if it were somehow her fault. Freddie actually stepped back.

“Found out about you- He was engaged?!” He whispered, eyes wide and horrified. “Darling that’s nowhere near being your fault. He had a whole town calling you a slut and a homewrecker; he didn’t love you, he ran you out of Scotland.” 

“He ran me out of Fife.” She spits back the correction. “I would know, I was there.” But she doesn’t seem to connect to the words he’s saying, it’s as if she’s replayed the events in her head so many times that she’s become desensitised to it. “But he’s changed, I was practically a kid last time, I’m different now too. And if he didn’t love me then,” she looks a little hurt as she says it, and Freddie doesn’t know if he wants to hug her or shake some sense into her, “well I think he does now.” After a beat she ducked her gaze, voice becoming a weary sigh as she leaned against the counter. “Listen, Freds, I’ll keep him out of the bar, you won’t have to see him, but this is my life.”

“Don’t make the same mistake again-”

“He’s told me that Kira’s his ex-fiance, so I don’t think she’ll be a problem.” Ash rolled her eyes at Freddie, who opened his mouth to protest that that wasn’t the point, but she added. “Can you get Roger to shut up? I’m sick of hearing him bitching.” 

“Did something happen between you two?” Is what Freddie finally finds himself asking.

“I could get used to this.” Roger grins at her when she brings him a cup of tea in the warm light of the late morning, a book under one of her arms. She keeps using the mug with the cat faces on it for him, he’s started calling it ‘his mug’ and maybe she’s started calling it that too in her mind.

“Yeah, well don’t. You can get your own tea next time.” Ash laughed, sitting up beside in bed, cradling her own tea in one hand, pulling out the book with the other.

“Just show me where everything is, I think I could manage.” Roger chuckles, putting his free arm around her where she’s sat back against the headboard. “What are you reading?” Looking at him with a little surprise, Ash smiles slightly, taking a big gulp of tea, putting the mostly full cup on the bedside table before tucking herself against him, opening up the book.

“I found it in the common room, it’s one of those trashy romance novels,” after a beat, she closed the book, keeping her place with her finger, showing him the cover, where a woman was posing sensuously with a hand on a beautifully painted horse, “but I think she fucks the horse.” Roger snorts at that, his arm tightening around her just a little.

He doesn’t have an answer, just laughs, reading with her when she opens the book back up. It’s soft and domestic, her head on his chest as they both read the novella, sipping their tea on occasion. The blinds are down, but there’s still stripes of light peeking through, hitting the floor with golden light and the room feels warm and hazy. They stay like that for a long while, Roger actually becomes rather engrossed in the story, and when Ash shifts to lean over and take a sip of her tea, he takes the book to read ahead a few lines. When she turns back, she just watches him for a moment, a fond smile slowly spreading over her face, and when he finally looks up, realised he was caught, she leans forward, pressing a kiss to his lips, sweet, her hand coming up to cup his cheek, and when she pulls back, he’s smiling back at her, a little confused.

“What was that for?” He grinned, and Ash shrugged, ducking her head to hide her blush.

“I dunno, maybe the book got me going.” She lied easily, and Roger’s expression turns a little unreadable, though it’s clear he doesn’t believe her.

“We weren’t even up to the hot part!” He countered, and Ash laughed, taking the book from him, but he stays holding it, lets himself be pulled with it until he’s meeting her for a kiss, his hand on her wrist when he lets go of the book to move up her arm and start sliding off her dressing gown. “Not that I’m complaining.”

Yeah, Ash had thought, I could get used to this.

“Hello, Ash?” In the present, Freddie waves a hand in front of her face. Ash’s expression soured as her chest began to ache.

“No, okay? Nothing happened between us, Freddie. Roger’s just being a bitch.”

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