#i was very emotional!! as my buddies can attest!!!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i need to share the absolute fucking Experience i had playing minecraft tonight. i'm gonna be emotional about it for days

so me and my friends like to play on this server that's pretty much just a bunch of minigames. one of them is Murder Mystery - of a group of - i think its 13/14 people - one person is randomly selected as the murderer (spawns with a sword), the other as the sheriff (spawns with a bow). the rest are innocent. the innocents can gain a bow by collecting coins. no one knows anyone's status unless the player shows their sword/bow. i'm doing a quest where, in order to get points, i need to kill the murderer.

so as the game start countdown begins, me and my pal are checking out this Red Link skin. it's pretty neat! we're all crouching and punching at each other, as one does. i feel a connection form with Red Link. we're buddies now. we're in this together.

so we're all running around the map. every time i see Red Link, we crouch and punch at each other. the game is going fine, we're having fun. i'm delighted that i've made a one-game friend.

then my friend says that Red Link is the murderer, and i literally have a hard time believing it. Red Link? my Red Link? no, they must be mistaken. we were together at the start. they had ample opportunities to kill me. it can't be Red Link. but whoever the murderer killed was the sheriff, and i needed to complete the quest - picking up the sheriff tombstone grants me the bow.

so i run, trying to find it, and i turn the corner.

there Red Link was, standing at the end of the hall, by the tombstone, with a sword in hand. i froze. i was so upset - not Red Link! not my dear companion! i was so sure that was it.

but i walked forward anyway, thinking that maybe if i dodged around them, grabbed the bow, and turned and shot fast enough, i could get them. the thought was actually distressing! Red Link didn't put the sword away. they watched me slowly approach. we stood on either side of the tombstone, and i expected Red Link to cut me down. i was well within reach of their sword.

Red Link calmly, still looking at me, moved to the side and past me. i panicked and grabbed the bow, ran to the corner, turned and drew - Red Link was already at the other end of the hall, running away. i didn't want to shoot, but i needed the kill - who knows when i'd get an opportunity to complete the quest again. it's a tough one.

i missed, thank fuck, but man. i was in shock. i thought i was a goner.

then, after the game where awards are given - the murderer, who killed them, who collected the most coins - i went up to Red Link and crouched. they crouched back.

then they left the game.

[lurkingshan]

Finally, I thought of a question! What shows, if any, did you rate a 10 on MDL, and why? And if you haven't rated any a 10, why not?

Oh snap! Yes thank you, I will take the opportunity to promote some extremely well-executed dramas. First, a note on how I think of drama ratings: I try to always judge shows by their own standards and I think primarily about the execution of the story rather than my own personal emotional reactions. For me, a 10/10 means the drama executed its own vision and purpose with a high degree of fidelity and is virtually without flaws in that execution. So for me, a short kbl romcom can get a 10 and so too can a 70 episode cdrama historical epic. I am not comparing them to each other, but rather to the standards of their own genres and the scale of their own ambitions.

That said, I'm a stingy b (@bengiyo, @waitmyturtles and @neuroticbookworm can attest) and dramas without significant flaws are actually pretty hard to come by. Calibrating a story perfectly to fit within all the constraints of filmmaking is actually an extremely difficult balance of art and science. Drama creation is hard work! As I was discussing with @sorry-bonebag the other day, most dramas are either too short or too long and it throws off the pacing and results in some questionable story decisions. And there are often other motives and considerations that have nothing to do with art getting in the way (hello capitalism!) Some of my personal all-time favorites do not get a 10 because I have issues with choices they made somewhere in the storytelling (waves hello to my beloveds Bad Buddy and Coffee Prince). I have completed 346 dramas that are trackable on MDL (with another 9 currently in progress) and only 10 of them have received a 10 from me. There are a whole slew rated 9 and 9.5 though, and those are all excellent and you should check them out. And of course I must include the caveat that there are some rumored all-time bangers that I have still not had the chance to watch and may someday become a 10.

So, which 10 dramas succeeded in passing my very high bar for a 10/10 rating? Drumroll please…

Ein no Kinou (Eternal Yesterday)

Go Ahead

Happiness

I Told Sunset About You

Kinou nani tabeta (What Did You Eat Yesterday?)

La Pluie

Old Fashion Cupcake

Our Dating Sim

Semantic Error

The Rebel Princess

[transmissionsfromthebattlefield]

Hard Living

Pussy Gillette are hands down one of the best recent groups in existence. And to think frontwoman Masani didn't first pick up a bass until her thirties and all of their music videos—favorably—look like a straight rip from a thrice-copied VHS tape you would get your grubby hands on from a cool skater buddy in either 1988 or 1998. They are as real and raw as it gets, yet the video of theirs linked above, which just came out a few days ago, has just 312 views at the time of me writing this.

A message of defiant empowerment that pairs big-smile badassery with a great and much needed sense of humor, buried against the tides of internet business as usual. I don't think people are quite ready for Pussy Gillette. They may be "recent", but they bring with them a heady aspiration for longevity that might alienate the general public. The general public is not concerned with artists with guts, just artists with all-caps GUTS. Of course, I speak of America's prodigal girlchild, Olivia Rodrigo, who I cannot believe I am mentioning in the same breath as Pussy Gillette. But I have to.

I voluntarily keep up with Olivia's music as a checking tool since she's just one year older than me yet completely the opposite of me in numerous ways. Here's the thing: when I write songs and make music, I hope to make a—for lack of a better term—ack—safe space for young female artists who prefer not to listen to Taylor Swift. Olivia's music intends to make a hostile space for young female artists who prefer not to listen to Taylor Swift. You see the problem here? We are not very compatible. I will give her most recent video credit for not being a genreless slice of slap-in-the-face curd pie like some of her others—c'mon, it's kyuuuuute.

Olivia is twenty, a baby in the grand scheme of things. Not too long ago she was nineteen, my age. I can attest to the pain and suffering that comes with being a teenage girl, as well as the satisfaction that can come from squishing and pouring those swirling emotions into song (or prose). The truth is is that I am just not as social as Olivia—no wonder she uses the butterfly throughout her branding. I don't really have songs to write about regarding Tyler from history class. I have songs to write about mass media brainwashing's effect on the populace and that scene from The Wall where Bob Geldof is yelling at everyone (which is probably the most accurate depiction of the modern day large scale concert production, by the way). Maybe if that Tyler kid said something that really fascinated/infuriated/both of those things-me I would wring it like a towel and turn the warped, pulsating droplets into a song. But my brain is too skewered and too focused on my studies to do the whole "normal teenage girl" thing that much.

Or maybe that's just the "commercially palatable" thing. Olivia's GUTS are that she is smooth, like intestines in a well-oiled Cuckoo's Nest Combine machine. Our friends Pussy Gillette, however, are rough, jagged, and edgy in a way that is all their own. And boy, do they own it. Yet they are not willy nilly—they share the same focus, awareness, and intelligence that societally powerful artists have, though PG choose cute shock value over cute exploitation of the vulnerable masses. In this I actually see a chance of engagement with a wider, captive audience—they embody defiance and self-assured-ness in a world that needs it. "Permanent Trash" is an ode to self empowerment and self pride. These traits are of great yet controversial interest and analysis to our society. Because of the internet, the self esteem of humanity sits in a perilous state in an age of simultaneous constant comparison to and instant disappointment in other people. We are forced to ask ourselves what traits we can find pride in without alienating others, springing gray hairs like poison darts as we ruminate on how we could be "better".

Never mind that the people pitting us against each other in this manner are so comfortable in their positions of corrupt power that they never even consider these concerns. They know they are bad, and they know they have their fingers on society's pulse. The "influencers" we worship and revile in unison, the milquetoast kings and queens of the schoolyard, guide us towards superficial quests for brownie points that only serve to obscure that they are the real enemy. In a desperate bid for commercial acceptance, humanity cries out, "what part of me is palatable?" Pussy Gillette offer the answer: the whole she-bang, baby. Live with yourself. Live.

But, of course, by the time you're on the "G" in their name when typing it into the YouTube search bar, the suggested results snap away out of fear of Pussy Gallavanting, Pussy Galloping, Pussy Grumbling, or any sort of adorable videos of tiny felines doing cute things, therefore obstructing the culture of cat videos that has been the foundation of the internet since its earliest days.

But all of the best recent bands—PG, cumgirl8, Round Eye, as I was writing this Spotify recommended me a band called DICKFARTBUTTSEX—have eyebrow raising names. I say we usher in a new culture of degeneracy and dignity with the music we listen to. You can't truly spill guts without a little seppuku.

P.S.: A side note: this new wave of porn bots is too good. "ReformedBlasphemy" should be MY username.

[orime-stories]

8, 17, and 22 for the FFXIV asks, please!

Thank you! <3 Asks here.

8. Favourite BGM/vocal track?

And so you have chosen violence. You likely don't know this, but I am somewhat unhinged when it comes to soundtrack music. Doubly so when it comes to FFXIV's incredible soundtrack. Anyone that's had the misfortune of playing the game with me can attest that I am constantly going "ooooooh I love this track!" "omg this one's one of my favourites!" "this music though!" etc etc. I have a playlist of FFXIV music on spotify that's only my favourites and it is 15hrs long. And that's not even including the Death Unto Dawn or Endwalker soundtracks because they're not on spotify yet. And you ask me to pick a single favourite???

dfghdgfdhjfha

Answers, Serenity, Fealty, Footsteps in the Snow, Solid, Night in the Brume, Nobility Obliges, Nobility Sleeps (yes that is all the Ishgard tracks what about it), Against the Wind, Stone and Steel, Revenge of the Horde, The Dark Which Illuminates the World, Sands of Amber, Insanity, Neath Dark Waters, Mortal Instants, One Small Step, Endcaller, Dynamis, Echoes in the Distance, Close in the Distance...

I tried.

17. Favourite minion?

The Starbird. It's an extremely rare drop from the last dungeon of Endwalker and I got it on my first run. Which I was doing with Trust npcs, meaning that it went straight into my pocket without even needing to roll for it. I've done that dungeon so many times now and I've never once seen it drop again for anyone. Absolute insane luck, and it genuinely felt like the game was deliberately giving me this special gift to make up for all the emotional damage it caused me that expansion. The themes surrounding what the minion represents are also very very very relevant to my own personal struggles in recent years, so I honestly can't overstate how much this little buddy means to me.

22. You obtain one in-game item to use/wear IRL, what do you pick and why?

I would love to have an astrologian's planisphere in real life. Even if I couldn't make it go all floaty sparkly, just having such an intricate and pretty thing would be so cool.

[campbluelake]

I Can Feel Them in My Bones | CH5 (1/?)

To say Max is surprised by the reception isn’t quite correct. He knows he has friends here. That very fact has warmed his chest for some time now. Kyousuke’s tackle of an embrace, Malyce’s tears and frantic hold, Abbie’s hug and unabashed excitement, Eri’s tight squeeze– and that’s to say nothing of the shock from others.

That’s more than expected.

There is a moment where he glances back to Saya when his question to her goes unanswered, and in that moment is a brief flash of something… Well, it’s hard to say. His face has never worn emotion quite right.

But it doesn’t last. There’s no time for personal concern.

His attention returns to the others – to those who voiced questions – and he meets them with his usual unwavering eye contact.

“I’m- sorry,” he says first to Kyousuke, still slightly bloody hands hovering awkwardly between the desire to put a comforting hand on the other man’s shoulder and not wanting to– well, get blood on him. “I thought it would… I was hoping that would be- enough somehow. There was no way to tell who else might be listening.”

This time, the look that crosses his face is easier to discern. It’s the weight of it that makes it so, brow and lips lightly creased with apology. It lasts only a moment, however, before his face goes neutral again– stern, even.

“To explain what this- is… I should start earlier. When I found Eri.”

As he continues his explanation, his eyes leave Kyousuke to glance instead at one of his hands as he flexes and turns it in observation.

“I have… My mother has given me gifts similar to Hibiki’s, but not- quite the same. Visions, but the future I see is an uncertain thing. Malleable. Preventable. I knew Eri was likely to lash out at someone in fear. Instead of preventing it, I chose to be the target. It was convenient for me to be dead for a time. It meant those in charge would turn their eyes away from me. And for- that, I… Apologize. I could just as easily have spared you both– all of you from living through any of this trial. But your trauma was a means to my ends.”

His hand briefly curls into a fist before his fingers flex out again. Despite the extended apology, his voice keeps an even keel.

“All of this- is something I’ve wished to do far earlier than now. But this place is… I was left too far separated from my mother for a long while. Stuck. Her gifts to me were- faltering and incomplete. It’s only recently that her voice reaches me again. I hate to have been powerless to act for so long, but–”

Again, his hand curls into a fist.

“I won’t fail you all any longer.”

Truth be told, most of this has left more questions than answers. But even so, there are still other questions asked that want for answer. It seems like he means to answer Malyce or Abbie next, but he ends up looking to Jacky-Bobby instead. His expression turns curious.

“Ah… Buddy? I don’t- know where he is. Like I said, I was just waiting for him to leave. I assume he’s probably doing whatever it is he usually does before an execution.  He should–”

And just how speaking of the Devil makes him appear, Ranger Buddy manifests once more, a stern expression on his face. 

“I don’t want to cut things short, but it’s time Kyous-” 

It’s only then that he notices Max, and you can see his jaw drop to the floor.

“What in Sam Hill? I… you were… you did get stabbed in the heart, kid! How in tarnation are you alive? What in the hell are you?”

Right. Buddy isn’t the only one who’d asked this question or similar. A fair one, of course; humans don’t just come back to life without a catch. Jacky-Bobby can attest to that. Max regards Ranger Buddy for a moment, before regarding the rest of you–

“I can answer that. I’ll show you. I’m- tired of this skin, anyway.”

And then he takes one, two, three large steps back away from the group.

“What I am…”

He removes his jacket, dropping it to the ground below. His shirt follows, and some of you see for the first time the long scar that runs from the base of his neck down his spine. At this point, his expression has gone completely neutral.

“I am… An old thing.”

[♪♪♪]

Without warning, the clearing is filled with the visceral sounds of tearing flesh and the wet crack of extending bone.

You are familiar with where it starts– with the scars along his elbows, knees, and now spine.

These scars become seams, and skin tears away from itself in crimson ribbons of muscle and vein and sinew. Something distends from within to overtake it all– a cocoon bursting from the pressure of distending viscera and gore. The sudden growth quickly shreds his remaining clothing away.

That which grows within is deep black; a pulsating mass with the likeness of moss and lichen coated in soot and blood.

What remains of a man’s face still clinging to this form is unmoving, and yet– it still speaks.

“I am the soot and moss– blood and bone of the old growth. Nameless.”

The voice you have come to know is still audible, but it layers over something deep and bestial– primal– ancient. It shifts in accent, in language, and into nothing but a wild animal’s calls– but it is never entirely indecipherable.

As it slowly pulls the remnants of skin into itself to reabsorb them, the unshapely thing coagulates into coarse fur and feather over still shifting and cracking bone. At one point, the shifting form falls to its hands and knees.

It provides you an easy vantage point as the remaining skin on its back is ripped apart by the violent emergence of two large, feathery masses freed of their confines, wet and curled like a newly hatched insect.

“But those before you have called me by many names. I have been Tuatha de Danann and Haltija. Spirit, Guide, and Guardian. Among you, I have been made Seer. Prophet. Druid. To others still, I have been Monster and Beast– a terrifying and undying thing.”

A maw that sits somewhere between beak and muzzle tears open, and an unsightly bit of raw flesh still clings to the beast’s head above it.

With a talon-clawed hand, it reaches for this bit of shed skin and muscle, tears it free, and thrusts it into its maw to consume. From where the flesh has been torn, two antennae slowly unfurl. Around its neck, more of that soot and blood covered mixture gathers until it settles into a thick ring of fur.

“To you– I am likely best known as the Mothman of Point Pleasant. I prefer Max these days.”

What bit of soot filled viscera has dropped into the grass recedes back to the beast’s now solid body, joining the rest of itself as Max slowly stands to his full height. He moves with a bestial grace previously unafforded to him by too tight skin, and towers more than a foot over even your tallest.

As he finally opens them, you are met with the sight of two large, deep red eyes– set in feather and shaped much like an owl’s, but compact like an insect’s.

Staring into them, your head fills with the familiar buzz of something like white noise and static.

In his speech, the awkward pauses and stops you’ve grown used to are now filled with the sound of bird-like chatter or the deep rumblings of a large mammal.

“The Earth weaves your fate through me, and I present to you her tapestry so that you may choose to hang it– or burn it. Such is my purpose, and my responsibility to you – to humanity – as my given charge.”

His head turns slowly, glancing out over all of you gathered here. Even now, in this new form–

The fondness in his eyes and voice is the same as it’s always been.

“But the powers that be in this unnatural place would seek to deny you your birthright as the Earth’s children. To this end, I act on Her behalf– as well as my own. For you – humans, who have changed an unchanging thing like me – I forsake the limits of my given purpose to take action of my own choosing.”

The recognizable sound of Max’s human voice grows fainter, suddenly overpowered by the primal thing he truly is. He lifts his head higher, and his form now wields an undeniable command and power– punctuated by a deep, feathery sound as the large wings on his back spread to their full, encompassing span.

“Nature will see itself corrected– and I am become Her fang to make it so.”

He speaks in a growl– a snarl– a warning– and directs his piercing stare to Ranger Buddy.

“There will be no execution. The game is done.”

[lemotmo]

911 4x14 - thoughts and rambles

Okay, I just watched the finale of 911 after I managed NOT to get spoiled all day long. I’m still proud of that fact by the way. I wanted to peek at spoilers so badly, but because work was so exceptionally busy I made it work. And I’m so happy that I had no idea what was coming.

I’m not one to write episode reviews or anything like that, but I feel the need to write down some of my rambling thoughts, because this episode really blew me away in many ways. It was like a good fanfic come to life. I have to admit that, when I opened Tumblr, I was a little surprised that, in between the positivity, there was still quite some negativity about this episode. All while I’m sitting here, still crying over that great ending with ‘Skyscraper’. So, let me get these random thoughts out.

Be warned! Spoilers and thoughts on the overall storylines from the episode, different characters and of course relationships between characters after the cut. Mainly Buddie positive relationship thoughts though, because this episode filled me with the Buddie-feels. 😊

1. The episode as a whole felt a little rushed. The sniper storyline wasn't well-developed at all. I think that probably has to do with the fact that they had to shorten the season because of—well, you all know why. Let’s not spoil my happy mood here.

2. Eddie and Buck and all the blood—man, that entire sequence of events with Buck rescuing Eddie was just *chef’s kiss*. And the way he was in shock and shaking when he was talking to Taylor. Such good acting by Oliver! Also, did Taylor call Chris ‘his son’? I mean—what? Even outsiders can see it now. The Buckley-Diaz family vibes are real.

3. Question: How is it that Athena seems to be the only capable police officer that actually does any work on this show? She seems able to do everything: patrolling, investigating, finding evidence without any problem or help, walking into a fire and shooting people… You name it and Athena Grant-Nash will do it. And other police officers just let her as well. Is there no hierarchy in this fictional police force? I love Athena to bits, but this was a bit too much for me, if I’m honest.

4. Maddie! Yes, she’s getting help. Thank God. Listen, I’ve been there, right after child-birth. There was no fluffy pink cloud for me either. Just a lot of greyness. I started talking to someone when I felt it was getting to be too much and it really helped. So hopefully, she’ll get through this eventually. I’m hoping that they won’t brush over it in S5. I want to see her progress.

5. Bathena. Man, those two. Such a strong couple. One of the greatest fictional couples out there. I’ve always liked Bobby. Hell, I started watching 911 because Peter Krause was in it and I used to be obsessed with ‘sports night’ way back when in the nineties. 😊 I just loved how Athena showed up and rescued her man in a direct parallel on how he showed up when she got attacked and he was ready to kill someone to save her. Couple’s goals, I’m telling you.

6. Nia was back! That is all! I loved that so much!

7. Albert wanting to be a firefighter felt a little strange to me, but okay. Good for him I suppose. I admit that I don’t really care about him that much. He’s not a character that really speaks to me.

8. Buck and Christopher. Pffff—THAT scene where Buck broke down and Chris consoled him that Eddie would be fine. I mean, yeah—they really pushed the whole ‘Buck is Chris’ dad’ storyline. And then Eddie went and actually made it official. What can I say? I cried— hard.

9. Carla’s little talk with Buck. So many parallels to last week’s talk with Eddie. I mean, the first thing Buck thinks about is Eddie when he is asked how he’s doing. I’m a firm believer that Carla knows there is something unexplored there, right under the surface. If those dumb boys would just figure it out already.

10. That brings me to all the Buddie. Oh man, this episode soothed my aching Buddie-heart so much. It was like reading a good solid Buddie fic. It was all there, the terror and heartbreak, the fear to lose the other, the ‘you’re not expendable’, the ‘I made you his legal guardian’… all of it.

In the end Buck and Taylor happened (I’m not really surprised there as it was a season finale and 911 likes to end that with happiness for everyone) and Eddie and Ana still seem to be together. At least Buck and Taylor acted like a couple and kissed. Eddie and Ana have this weird dynamic going on. A kiss on the cheek? Really?

I will say this: I didn’t mind Buck and Taylor getting together. Like— at all. It -weirdly enough- didn’t even phase me.

Mostly because I was reeling so hard from the infinitely much more powerful emotional connection that Buck and Eddie displayed. Buck saved Eddie, but in the middle of it Eddie was worried about Buck. Buck was not fine after he delivered Eddie to the hospital. He seemed broken. And then Taylor kissed him and ran off. She later told him ‘You didn’t chase me’ (or something like that) and I’m like— no, he didn’t, because right then Ana called him and he knew this would be about Eddie and Eddie will always be more important. He didn’t run after Taylor. He ran towards Eddie. There's something poetic about that. And then Ana stepped aside, and Eddie looked at him with the biggest most soft heart eyes that I’ve ever seen. He’s never looked like that at Ana. In the last scene, when he told Buck about the guardianship he looked so sure of himself. Then he basically told Buck everything he’s ever wanted and needed to hear. Buck told Taylor earlier that he never felt like he was enough. Well, Buck— Eddie just gave you his entire world (his son). You are more than enough for him.

As a single mother I can attest that it’s very important to think about what you want for your child if anything ever happens to you. You don’t take the decision of guardianship lightly. I’ve been there. I was Eddie. It’s hard to make the right choice. For him to make that choice—to make Buck, his best friend, the legal guardian of his child? That’s incredible.

Combine that with Carla’s question last episode about following his own heart and not Christopher’s. It seems to me that Eddie has seen the light and he’s started to partially follow his heart. He’s still not completely there yet, but if this narrative continues, I can see him breaking up with Ana next season, because he realises that following his heart means following Buck, not Ana. And of course, by then Buck will still be with Taylor and there might be pining. I’m all for that.

There were so many parallels between Buck/Taylor + Eddie/Ana and Buddie. Not to mention the clear parallel between Bathena’s storyline and Buddie’s storyline.

I just— I feel really good about this when it comes to romantic Buddie. Listen, I have nothing against platonic best friends Buddie and if that is your jam, you do you! But, for me, the narrative is clearly pushing us towards a romance. I’m getting some really good slow burn vibes here. So far it feels as if Buddie is still right on track with no signs of slowing down. Now, I don’t have a crystal ball or anything like that so I don’t know what the future will bring and showrunners can always change their minds if they really want to, but –in my humble opinion- there is no reversing this kind of emotional connection. If the showrunners really wanted to stop the ambiguity between Buddie, they could have easily done that in this episode. All they had to do was feature more Buck/Taylor and Eddie/Ana to strengthen their connection towards season 5. Instead they focused on the bond between Buck and Eddie and intertwined them even more in each other's lives. So yeah, personally I feel like this is clear: There is only one way to proceed with the storyline and that is forward.

I’m actually really excited for season 5! A lot more than I thought I was going to be two episodes ago. And now there's Tim with his cryptic little quotes about Buck and Eddie. Another thing to obsess about! YAY! 😊 It's a great feeling to start the hiatus like that.

[ejm513]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST BIRTHDAYS AND ZODIACS

Hello my lovelies! So this is a result of me making a timeline and list of people's ages for the story I'm working on, and after I noticed there were no official birthdays for the characters I used my growing interest in astrology to come up with whatever the hell this is.

Just be aware that I am not doing ALL the characters, most of it is random, and with some of these characters I'm just guessing their ages and will probably be WWWAAAYY of but MEH... I tried

Please chime in what you would think and give your opinion if you have one! I'm really curious.

Edward:

February 3rd, 1899:

This was the only technically official birthday I could find. This would make Edward and Aquarius which uh I can attest from having an Aquarius Grandmother is accurate. He's stubborn, extremely hot tempered, extremely intelligent, a big thinker, closed off emotionally... the list goes on.

Winry:

December 3rd, 1899:

Winry just SCREAMS Sagittarius. She is bubbly, independent (I read somewhere about them loving freedom) and optimistic. Obviously everyone is their own person with their own personality by most of the Sagittarius's I've met have been just as wonderful and as she is. Plus fun fact the date I chose is Amanda Seyfried's birthday, who could have pass for Winry when she was younger.

Alphones:

July 3rd, 1900 (side note I didn't mean to pick a lot of threes... just an accident): There is a simple reason I think Alphones is a Cancer, and that is mainly because he reminds me of the Cancers I know if my life-which basically means he is the kindest and softest cinnamon role. He's definitely doesn't fit the stereotype of Cancers bring the cry baby's of the Zodiacs but he is definitely more emotional and just all around softer than Edward. He's also loyal and protective and can be just a moody as Edward. My Grandfather, who I never got to meet was a Cancer and that's where I got the birthday from.

Roy:

April 14th, 1885: Besides the obvious fact that Aries is a fire sign.... I'm just gonna leave this brief description;

"Aries are entrepreneurial, independent and creative. They have the nerve to get things started and can be inspiring leaders. Their crackling energy is infection, and they are children at heart, buzzing with the force of life itself."

I rest my case

Riza

May 13th, 1889

I'm a Taurus myself and the birthday I chose is my own if my user name wasn't a give away (I know I know), but to be frank I do a little Taurus qualities. She's very kind and soft hearted despite being very reserved, very down to Earth, saying she's loyal is an understatement, is a hard worker, intimidatingly angry when provoked, and this is the big one-admittedly stubborn. She is very much a girl after my own heart.

Maes

August 4th, 1889

This man... this beautiful... beautiful man... radiates the best qualities of a Leo. As I did with his counter part and best buddy Roy I'm just gonna leave a brief description of a Leo's personality;

"Like a crackling fire, Leo's tend to be warm, passionate, and dynamic. They delight in opportunities to let their charismatic, inclusive personality shine. And like the lion that represents them Leo's are also strong, brave and ready to dominate everything they set out to do."

And I can't believe I'm saying this but can we get an F in the chats for this beautiful man who deserved so much better.

I wanted to do more but I opened my computer yesterday and saw cracks that weren't there before and I wanted to get this out so maybe a part two?

s

[courtgossip]

The Reviews Are In!

Apr. 14, 2018

The Young Elder's movie night took place yesterday evening and the reviews are in!

Spoiler alert: No one died.

This reporter can tell you from first hand knowledge that while the night may have started out a bit rocky and awkward, it turned out to be a major success!

"I think most of us were very nervous going in," states one fledgling who was in attendance. "But [REDACTED] ended up being really cool actually. He's not the most talkative, but he was nicer than I expected."

"He seemed nervous," said another eyewitness. "That's what stands out to me the most. I didn't expect him to...be able to experience such a stupid emotion, you know? Like, that type of thing seems like it should be beyond him by now, you know?"

We at The Moon can attest to that. The Young Elder (with The Secretary by his side) opened the night with a lackluster speech, seeming a bit out of his depth.

All of us in attendance collectively chilled out once The Consort sat on one of the sofas, looking more relaxed than any of us can remember him ever looking.

The Minion even cracked a joke at TYE's expense, breaking the tension.

That's right dear reader--there were sightings of other members of the Coven of the Articulate (aside from TYE, that is) throughout the night.

As a matter of fact, The Minion stayed for the whole night, while The Consort stayed for most of the first movie.

"I was close to where A. was standing," wrote one fledgling, "when L. walked up to him to announce his leave. Said The Prince wanted to see him, and A. made some sort of smart comment. Not going to lie, it did make me wonder if L+L are on the 'mones and if A. knows about it if they are."

Juicy!

TYE showed four movies last night. The first being Frankenstein Conquers the World, a weird Kaiju film from the 60's. Consensus from those who wrote in was that most did not enjoy it until the last 30 minutes.

"I think most of us were nervous about letting him know that we didn't like it too much."

Indeed.

The group of 50 all perked up once Retro Puppet Master came on. During which, funnily enough, TYE laughed riotously at a quip one brave fledgling made at the expense of our Prince.

During the third movie of the night (an undead buddy cop movie called Dead Heat), a surprise guest paid us all a visit.

"We could all hear him coming down the corridor," said one witness, "I had seen him at the ball, obviously. But the music is typically so loud, you can't hear any of the organic noises any of the Elders emit. But in that small library? Oh, we all heard him. His heartbeat is SO LOUD! It's crazy. We didn't know exactly who it was coming down the hallway, but I don't think it would have taken a rocket scientist to figure it out. I think we all knew before he stepped into the room."

That's right, dear reader. The Prime Minister made an appearance!

"A. seemed so annoyed that M. came!" One fledgling sitting close to TYE told us. "It was obvious that M. was spooking us, and A. seemed to really take that to heart. But I will say, I snuck a glance at them from the corner of my eye, and M. did kiss A. before he left!"

We asked the fledgling if they thought the kiss was romantic or platonic. "It's hard to say," was the answer, "But it was sweet, either way."

The last movie of the night was called Neon Maniacs, a fun mess of a movie. It was another strange one, but one that at least held the attention of the crowd. General consensus was that the creature designs were fantastic.

During the last 15 minutes, L. reappeared to inform A. that The Prince was in need of him. And before you ask dear reader, no, we at The Moon don't know what business the two had with each other that couldn't wait until after the gathering A. was hosting was over. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves, though.

A. thanked all in attendance for taking a chance on him and his movie night before he left. And while not overly saccharine, it was a surprising display of emotion for The Young Elder.

When the night ended, D. also thanked us all for being there and trusting in his Maker to (and this is a direct quote) "not murk [us] all". The quip worked. It was obvious by the reactions of all that each of us felt varying amounts of embarrassment for having felt any fear at all.

"It was a roaring success, I think." Writes another fledgling. "I hope he does another one. It was nice. Like, the Prince claims that all of this Court stuff is for us plebs, but it all feels so impersonal. The only time we really get to see and be around any of the Elders as sort of equals is at the weekly ball. But even those feel impersonal. No one else is out here rubbing elbows with us classless noobs. No one but A."

Indeed.

[those70scomics]

Behind the T7S Fanworks: #1-F

One of the reasons I enjoy writing the That ‘70s Show characters so much in fanfic is that they’re so varied in personality.

Kelso: Oh, Kelso. He so often plays an antagonist in my stories. His self-entitled narcissism, impulsivity, and need for instant gratification drives most of his behavior on That ‘70s Show. I find his character almost completely unlikable as written in the series (stripped of Ashton’s performance, Kelso would be intolerable to watch). I’ve written many metas about his flaws and bad behavior, so I won’t repeat those points here. But the show also gave us glimpses of his potential for growth, and it’s that potential that most interests me as a writer.

In my fic Reflections Through the Glass, I start him on a journey of deep change. Fez sums that journey up near the end of the story, at an awards ceremony:

"People, look upon my bestest buddy," Fez said. "No longer is he a doofus who tries to put out a fire by setting a bigger one." Kelso blushed. "Aw, thanks, Fez." "No longer is he a man-pretty but useless whore who would rather run than fight." "Uh ... thank you?" Kelso said. "No longer is he urged on by only horniness and greed." "Fez, just give me the medal." "He is heroically transformed." Fez pinned a medal on the lapel of Kelso's suit and handed him a swirly lollipop. "What braver, sexier man could exist than Kelso the Valiant?"

Kelso’s growth continues in Beneath a Shattered Sky. He experiences internal and external conflict with emotional and physical consequences. He shows true friendship to Eric, Donna, Hyde, and Jackie -- not just to Fez -- unlike on the show. He’s tested and makes hard choices, all the while still retaining his personality. Kelso can remain utterly himself even without the narcissism, selfishness, and sense of entitlement. That’s development, and what little of it the show gives him is always inevitably erased.

I adore writing an emotionally-evolving, more self-aware Kelso who actually cares about people other than himself. One who’s a conflicted hero rather than an oblivious villain. I’ve missed writing that Kelso, so I’m doing it again in Those Who Play with Demons. He and his family are deeply tied to the events of the story.

I wish I could spoil the hell out of you about that fic. @that70sshowgoldencouple can attest to what a ride I think it’ll be (she knows things ... but not nearly as much as she’d like 😂). But I’ll only give the barest of hints for now since Those Who Play with Demons is very much a work in progress.

[callmehopeless]

Fanfiction writer asks: all the 5s (twr)

A-all of them?! 

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Honestly? Probably PLT. I feel like that comes as very little surprise to anyone, but it’s my baby. It’ll always be my baby. It was the first fic of mine that I really felt carved out my identity as a writer, and I don’t think I’ll ever get over that.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

UHHHHH

UHHHHHHHHHHH

I don’t KNOW

I just rattle off names until I’m like “sure why not let’s go for it, what could go wrong”

I wish I had a profound answer

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Yepyepyepyepyep. The end of Processed, a lot. A lot of my angsty one shots? Also yes. I cry at the drop of a hat - I’m kind of a sappy dick. So when I’m writing, I’m usually trying to emulate those emotions in myself - when I’m writing angst, pain, jealousy, etc, I want to be able to empathise with those. So it brings up a lot of times where I’ve been heartbroken, when I’ve felt jealous, when I’ve been at low points.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

I’d love to be like “hey out of nowhere bam here’s an idea” but literally everyone on our Discord can attest that I’m dreadful at keeping anything to myself and I pretty much tell everyone who has ever existed the moment I have the tiniest idea.

Whoops.

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

The support and love of people who read my work! And my friends! Just generally having people who are there and saying they value what I produce is pretty much a massive motivator. I feel like I should be more self-sufficient, but no man is an island. Or...no fanfic writer is a...hermit? That sounds wrong...

Either way, it’s sort of you guys that keep me going. So thanks for that.

@the-wayward-rose, love you buddy!

[adventuresofamodernscholar]

**Disclosure** I wrote this entire post in order to avoid making my presentation for a conference…and forgot to finish it until about 18 months later. So everything that refers to “this week” or “in a few days” happened over a year ago. I am the world’s worst procrastinator.

  Phew! I am exhausted!

A few weeks ago I decided to quit my day job, so I have been nothing more than a full time graduate student for the past month or so. While I am looking for another (less stressful) job, my days have been pretty unstructured and open; somehow I cannot remember having had a minute of free time this month, though, so maybe I haven’t been as free as I seem to think…. hmm.

Anyway, a big chunk of my time this month has been dedicated to working on building my CV in preparation for applying to PhD programs next summer. I have been studying for my GRE exams, submitting papers and abstracts for publication and conferences, and, of course, I have been working hard on my schoolwork and preparing presentations for conferences for which I have already been accepted.

A few weeks ago I had an opportunity to present virtually at a conference in India, but this past weekend I had my first in-person presentation at an academic conference; it was simultaneously the most exciting and most terrifying moment in my academic career so far. I was so nervous, especially since I had no idea what to expect, what to wear, or how I would be able to afford to go! I spent an unreasonable amount of time delving through obscure sites trying to find some solid information about these conferences, so I wanted to create a helpful post for other young academics with the same questions that I had. I hope this is helpful!

What to Wear

For some reason, this was one of the most stressful parts of my preparations; I had no idea what to wear to an academic conference! I tried searching a variety of websites geared towards academics, but there is almost nothing out there on the subject. Even my trusty friend, Pinterest, had an overwhelmingly diverse array of results for “academic conference outfits” (although there are some cute ideas, hence the link). I did find one very useful piece of advice, though, in the bowels of an internet Q&A page: “don’t be the jerk who shows up in a full suit”.

Considering the fact that I was thinking about splurging on a new suit for this conference, I was beyond grateful for this piece of advice.

Eventually, I settled on a crisp new cardigan, black slacks, and a nice blouse, and I would certainly say that I fit in with what everyone else was wearing. I was actually surprised to see that I was among the better-dressed attendees.

  While at this point I can only speak for my experience at one conference, I can recommend something similar for other first-time conference presenters. You want to look nice and professional, but there is no need to go out and buy a full suit. However, despite the fact that I did see several people wearing more casual outfits, I would not recommend going the t-shirt and jeans route either. As a young academic, you have a lot to prove, and looking professional (but not like you are trying too hard) will really help you to look and feel confident and competent.

*update* as a now-veteran conference attendee (I have attended about a dozen conferences in the past 18 months) I can attest that something business casual, like what I wore to my first conference is perfect. I have seen people wear jeans and a nice shirt to conferences, but I think that this is best left for days when you are simply an audience member, rather than a presenter.

How to Pay

A few weeks ago, when I made the decision to quit my job, I did a quick audit of how much I could expect to spend on the conferences to which I have been accepted (I have a total of 7 within a 9 month period), and I was shocked to see that between travel, hotels, and conference fees, I was looking at several thousands of dollars in expenses. The average academic conference costs about $300 to attend and, apart from the conference that I am attending this weekend in DC, I will need to travel for each conference, staying out of town and/or abroad for several days for each.

I reached out to one of my professors/mentors for advice, and boy am I glad that I did! While his first suggestion (asking the department for funding) was unsuccessful, his second suggestion (taking my request to the Dean of my school) resulted in a huge financial relief. While I will not be able to fully fund my conferences through my school, I will be able to receive significant financial assistance.

Before you begin attending conferences, find out if your program or school is willing and able to financially assist students who are planning to attend conferences. If not (or if you need more assistance than your school provides), you can also apply to a number of scholarships for graduate students, which you can put towards your conference expenses. One of my favorite resources is ScholarshipOwl, but there are plenty of free lists out there with some potentially really helpful scholarships.

What to Bring

Business Cards – If you do not have any yet, have some made ASAP! I did not remember to bring any with me to UF, and I instantly regretted this lapse when I began connecting with other speakers. You will meet so many interesting and important people in your field at these conferences, and you want to make sure that they can contact you (and you them) afterwards. *NOTE* make sure that you collect cards from the people you meet and EMAIL THEM ASAP. You may make some valuable connections and you want to reinforce them before you become just another card in their wallet.

Extra Copies of Your Presentation – I have been using Prezi lately for my presentations and, even though it is a beautiful presentation program, I tend to get very stressed out when it is time to present because, with my free account, I cannot put my presentations on a flashdrive. I am thinking that, as I begin attending more conferences, I may need to shell out and pay for the upgrade that will allow me to save a copy of my presentations separately from the website. All that is to say, if you are smarter than me, you should have multiple copies on hand of your presentation, just in case there is an issue. I recommend, at the very least, emailing yourself a copy and having a copy available on a flashdrive, in case either copy does not work. I also recommend printing several copies of your script (if you are using one), in case one gets lost, damaged, etc. Murphy’s Law.

A Buddy – If possible, it is great to have a buddy there with you when you present, especially if that person is in your field. Not only will their presence help with emotional support as you put yourself out there, but it is also helpful to have someone in the audience who you can rely on to ask a question during the Q&A session. Of course this is not always possible, and only really applies to your first experience to help you through your jitters. I had my boyfriend with me for my first conference and, though I luckily did not need him to fill an awkward silence after my presentation, it was such a comfort to have him there silently cheering me on. When you are putting yourself and your work out there to be judged, it helps to know that someone in the audience believes in you.

What to Expect

I honestly had no idea what to expect before my first conference. My imagination pictured any and every possible scenario, from a huge lecture hall filled with peers, to a tiny classroom with two other people in it. In reality, I found myself in a seminar room with about 20 audience members of various academic backgrounds; about half were PhD students, about a quarter were faculty, and the remainder were a mix of undergraduates and family/friends of presenters.

What really surprised me was the relaxed nature of the conference. There was a set schedule, but everything seemed to be very casual and nonchalant; no one was concerned when the projector issues interrupted the schedule, or when one presenter was late so the schedule had to be moved around. It definitely took the pressure off to realize that the people presenting and listening were just people who were there to learn and teach, without making a show of professional superiority.

How to Prepare

Whatever you do, do not be like me. As I am writing this post, I am supposed to be writing my presentation for my next conference (which is happening less than two days from now), and I am procrastinating like you would not believe. The funny thing is, just a few days ago I was crying and yelling in a hotel room, where I swore that I would never procrastinate again, especially for another presentation. I swear to you, I woke up the morning of my presentation without a finished script, without a finished visual presentation, and without having rehearsed at all. I woke at the crack of dawn to get to work, and finally printed my finalized script about 30 minutes before I needed to leave for the conference. DO NOT DO THIS! I thought that I would learn from my first experience, but I have made this mistake over and over again. While my presentations usually go over well, the stress and anxiety are simply not worth it.

Try to have your presentation 90% prepared a week before the conference. This gives you time to practice, edit, and ask for revisions from your professor(s). Have a prepared script that goes over your research in depth and allow your slideshow to guide your talk. In my experience most presenters read straight from their papers, so while presentation skills are important, it is okay to refer to your paper as needed.

What to Do While You are There

Conferences should be as much (if not more) about learning from others as it is about presenting your own research. I have learned more from attending panels, lectures, and exhibits at conferences than in my 22+ years of schooling. Make sure to go through the conference schedule and circle anything of interest and GO! You will have paid an arm and a leg to attend this conference, so get every learning opportunity that you can out of it.

As I mentioned before, you should also be using this opportunity to network like crazy. I missed many opportunities for this during my first few conferences, but eventually one of my professors instilled in me the importance of forming professional connections outside of my own university. I have met and learned from dozens of grad students, faculty, and researchers, and I have managed to create small opportunities for myself along the way (such as chairing MLA panels and award committees). I have even gotten to squeeze my research into a special edition of a competitive journal coming out in 2020 because I had an opportunity to chat with one of the publishers about my research. Network people!

Finally, take this opportunity to visit the hosting city beyond the conference center walls. I have seen more of the USA in the past 18 months than I had in my past 26 years, and it has been a blast! I took my dad with my to Colorado for the RMMLA conference and we had a week of adventures, I visited Vegas (somewhere I never thought I would go but ended up enjoying), and I got to road trip with my (now) fiance to Florida and visit a great-aunt who I had not seen in 20 years. The world is your oyster and there is more to learn at a conference than what panelists have to say.

  *Note* at this point I have attended about a dozen conferences both in person and virtually.At this point I would say that everything in this post continues to hold true, but I welcome any suggestions for further advice!

How to Survive Your First Academic Conference **Disclosure** I wrote this entire post in order to avoid making my presentation for a conference...and forgot to finish it until about 18 months later.

[meditativeyoga]

Yoga for School Readiness: Building Socio-Emotional Skills in Preschool

It's generally well-known-- regreted by some, praised by others-- that very early childhood years teachers are introducing progressively academic atmospheres and also assumptions in preschool class, when young children and also preschool youngsters made use of to invest their days in those setups in complimentary play, now-- earlier as well as earlier-- they are learning their numbers, colors and letters. That is all expertise that children need to grasp before getting in preschool classrooms, obviously. Recent research study has actually compellingly shown, nonetheless, that we offer kids at this age extra by concentrating on their socio-emotional, as opposed to scholastic, skills.

For instance, a research study from the National Institutes of Wellness located that preschoolers' future academic success is very closely tied with "top quality connections with peers and also educators." A research study from the College of Washington located that kids's abilities to "manage their emotions and also actions and also to earn significant relationships is a vital prerequisite for institution preparedness and scholastic success."

Yoga, supplied in a developmentally proper fashion, can contribute a lot toward those essential social and emotional skills. My experiences teaching yoga to youngsters ages 2 to 5 years of ages at a low-income preschool as part of my graduate college internship, vouch for that. Real, I in some cases needed to emulate resistance and also behavioral concerns. By and also large, nonetheless, yoga exercise was a channel where I might aid the children create greater capabilities to self-regulate, treat each other kindly, as well as develop gratitude.

One way that I have actually attempted to keep the kids involved, and also prevent them from acting in such undesired means as running to various other areas of the space, has been to keep the practice a lot more based in moving flows than postures. Rather compared to resting in Chair Posture for a long duration, I've directed the kids in a couple of repetitions, for instance, holding the position for a few seconds after that releasing into an Ahead Fold. Such removaling circulations, as well as varying series, have provided opportunities to evaluate-- as well as in time reinforce-- the kids's self-regulation skills.

In Baddha Konasana (" Butterfly" in this context), I've advised the youngsters that we would certainly "flap our wings three times, just three times, and after that stop!" After three "flaps" I've playfully screamed "Stop!" Likewise, in Lion Posture (as we "roar like lions"), I've directed them to "Quit!" at an undefined factor. In order to do so, the youngsters should be paying attention thoroughly for my cue in addition to being ready to finish the roar. They have discovered that we will certainly "maintain trying up until we all quit together with our friends," as I have actually explained (while keeping affordable assumptions of their capabilities to stop fully entirely, naturally). They know that we will not obtain to other fun things that we perform in our "special yoga times" until they could listen for, and then adhere to, my guidelines. I've seen their capabilities to do so raise over the year.

Other workouts I've led the youngsters in promote pro-social awareness and also behavior, of recognition of themselves as members of a team. In the winter we would make snowballs while in Sittinged Forward Folds up, then offer them to, rather than throw them at, their schoolmates (" good friends"). In the springtime, we choose blossoms and blow their petals per other. That has aided to promote generosity as well as collaboration, when the school otherwise has an usually contentious and affordable ambience. It is genuinely priceless to see the kids sharing visualized grant each various other, instead compared to contesting plastic toys.

Another attractive point to watch has actually been the youngsters's accepting of the Namaste class-closing yogic tradition. Every single time I lead them to bring their hands to Anjali mudra, they joyfully exclaim "Namaste!" (as closely as they have the ability to articulate it). The older children also adhere to that with, "The light within me fulfills the light within you!"

After observing just how the term appeared to be significant to the kids, I aimed to see what further socio-emotional discovering I can promote with it. I began to ask them, "Do you recognize exactly what it means to reveal light to each other? Exactly how do you think you can do that for each and every other today?" Satisfying confusion, I clarified exactly how they can do that by doing great things for each other. They've more just recently had the ability to attest that they could reveal light to every other through things like "sharing" and also "helping a buddy that's unfortunate." I let them recognize that is very important understanding that sets the phase for enhanced social and also individual success throughout their lives.

Gratitude is an additional concept and skill that I've been able to promote in the youngsters through yoga. We say thanks to the sun with Sunlight Salutations (necessarily simplified for them, of course) and trees with Tree Pose. Completion of class is an opportunity for me to thank them, and also their educators to direct them to thank me (which helps build to when they will be able to do that without triggering). Being glad for presents from nature and from each various other is an ability that anybody, at any kind of age, could function at via yoga-- as are generosity and also self-constraint.

We could lead our youngsters to greater future success via yoga, however also keep in mind that it has similar lessons to instruct any individual. That claimed, the earlier, the much better, I believe. Generally, yoga can assist to build a crucial foundation for joy, success, as well as wellness-- a skill we can preserve throughout our lives.

Kathryn Boland is a third-year Master's degree pupil in Dance/Movement Therapy at Lesley University (Cambridge, MA), and also an E-RYT 500. She is originally from Rhode Island and attended The George Washington College (Washington, DC) for an undergraduate degree in dancing (where she initially experienced yoga exercise). She has educated yoga exercise to varied populations in diverse locations. As a dancer, she has actually always enjoyed to keep removaling and flowing in exercising much more active Vinyasa-style kinds. Her rate of interests have actually recently progressed to consist of Yin as well as restorative yoga, as well as aligning those types with Laban Movement Analysis to offer the demands of various teams (such as Alzheimer's Illness clients, children diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD-afflicted professionals, all demographically expanding). She relies on discovering the chance within every difficulty, and also doing all that she could to assist others cope with a little bit extra breath as well as flow!

[abadpoetwithdreams]

Nirvana in Fire Episode 4 Reaction

I thought this would be a fast episode to recap/review, but no. It wasn’t. A LOT HAPPENS. Most importantly? This is the episode where we really, finally get introduced to Jing (and, in a way, to Lin Shu himself) and that whole scene is so important!!! Also there’s the subplot with the slave kids, and the threat of Ni Huang’s impending marriage, and now there’s a subplot TO that subplot about her being in danger from someone, PLUS we FINALLY learn what Lin Shu is ultimately trying to do here in the court, and aaaaaahh. So much goodness! I got a little misty-eyed, even? That’s how good it is. It doesn’t bode well for my poor emotions in later episodes. Will this show ever have a filler episode that I can summarize my reaction to in, like, a single paragraph??? I’m guessing not. But I’m okay with that because I’m enjoying it so much.

Back to this episode, episode 4, we start where we left off with the fight from last episode, with Jing Rui getting flung across a table by Baili Qi. The emperor intervenes and stops the fight before anyone (meaning poor Jing Rui) gets seriously hurt, but in the pause afterwards he notices that Chang Su (who DID manage to swallow all that tangerine without dying, I am very proud of him) is leaning over whispering in a smiling Ni Huang’s ear. So of course the Emperor demands to be let in on whatever secret is being told.

And how cute is the sight of Mei Chang Su and Ni Huang whispering mischievously to each other at the EMPEROR’S OWN TABLE, so to speak? The answer, my friend, is pretty dang cute. They look like they’ve reverted to being a couple of children together. Ni Huang’s so comfortable and close with him, it reeeeeally feels like she instinctively recognizes him and it’s like her brain is just waiting to catch up with her heart which is already making her treat him like a lifelong friend, even if she doesn’t consciously realize it yet. Then again, she seemed already so intrigued from the first instant she saw him … I really want to know what he was telling her; I don’t think he was telling her the stratagem he was about to put into play, because he did seem surprised when she caught on so fast, but he could have been acting so idk. Maybe he just told her to follow his lead. Or maybe he literally just told her what he tells the Emperor he was saying: that Baili Qi is a strong but badly-trained warrior who could undoubtedly be defeated by children.

(Chang Su acts embarrassed as he admits this but COME ON. He is LOVING it.)

The whole room gasps. This is a massive insult delivered by an honored guest in front of the most important people in the kingdom. They are electrified with horror, shocked amusement, and intrigue (and, in the case of Northern Yan’s group: outrage).

And Mei Chang Su, THIS TROLL, puts on his meek innocent face and is all “oh, no, I meant no offense at all, we are all friends here, my bad, it is just that I make mistakes like everyone else, I should really learn to think before I speak ohohohoho”

But the ambassador from Northern Yan is having none of it and demands Mei Chang Su produce some children to be slaughtered by Baili Qi right. Now.

(I feel insulted on poor Jing Rui’s behalf that his buddy Chang Su has basically just said to THE EMPEROR that a child could fight better than he just did, and he does actually look a little miffed here, but only briefly. He is a better person than me, this noble sword-boy.)

(Btw, this scene is a good example of how Chang Su has the SWEETEST smile when he wants to. It is an excellent distraction from his clever manipulation, which I can attest to personally because it distracts ME from paying close attention to what he’s saying, so I’m assuming it worked on everyone else in that hall, too.)

Chang Su says ok, but also he’d have to train the kids, PLUS the kids would have to be previously untrained, and Ni Huang catches on almost immediately and starts helping, the end result being that the two of them work together fiendishly well, dancing back and forth with their varying reasons for why the children they pick for the bout HAVE to be taken from the slaves in the palace–y'know, one of which is Ting Sheng from last episode. It’s about now that I started laughing because “oh no he isn'tttt” but yes: he totally is. Mei Chang Su is already setting things in motion to save the kid Prince Jing mysteriously cares about. Brazenly, in front of the Emperor and the entire court. With Meng surely sweating bullets the whole time as he stands beside the Emperor.

Also there’s a great moment when Chang Su pretends to be VERY contrite about suggesting some children could whip Baili Qi, almost to the point of being flustered, and he stammers out some thing about how it wouldn’t be fair to use kids already trained in martial arts, as that would be an unfair advantage to them, and the Northern Yan crew look like they’re going to have a fit and the rest of the hall busts up laughing (except for the Crown Prince who looks upset by this further insult to the foreign group, and for Prince Yu who just smirks like he’s impressed) and in the meantime Mei Chang Su stands there in the midst of this hurricane he created looking wholly innocent and clueless and ugh I LOVE HIM. HE’S THE WORST.

So Chang Su, with the help of his secret ally Meng, manages not only to get the Emperor’s permission to take three kids from the slave ranks to train them, but also gets permission to train them back in his own house, and is given five days to do so. He also hints that the kids might deserve, oh I don’t know, some kind of reward after they defeat Baili Qi? I SEE YOU, LIN SHU. I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING.

Meng picks three kids at random, and Ting Sheng somehow happens to be one of them. Wow, what a craaaaaazy coincidence!

Later, Jing Rui voices concern about the kids’ chances because he is, y'know, sane, but Chang Su is unmoved. He says he is going to have them use a Towering Phantom technique? Sounds impressive. Jing Rui knows of this technique but has never seen it. Chang Su asks does Jing Rui not trust him? Jing Rui promptly replies that he DOES trust his friend, who is so clever and knows so much. It’s painful to hear him say so. Then Yu Jin chimes in by saying that everything must be ok because Chang Su clearly has a plan: if the kids defeat Baili Qi in this mock combat round, Baili Qi won’t have the gall to then say he has the right to fight Ni Huang. That’s a good point. I’m very impressed that Lin Shu is seemingly managing to kill two birds with one stone, here. Very good.

(Speaking of Yu Jin, slight sidetrack meta time: I’m writing this as I rewatch after making it to episode 16 and then stopping, so I have seen more of these boys than just four episodes’ worth. And this is one of the earliest telling moments I’ve noticed where Yu Jin seems to see Chang Su’s stratagems clearly. He doesn’t see any long term goal in them, but he’s good at seeing what’s going on in the moment. It seems to me like the reason why he notices more about what Su is doing when compared to Jing Rui, is that Jing Rui takes Chang Su’s friendship more for granted. They are already friends at the beginning of the show; Yu Jin begins the show eager to meet this legendarily cool pugilist leader, so he’s a bit more removed from Chang Su the person and more calibrated to view Chang Su the persona. Chang Su is just lucky that Yu Jin is such a happy puppy of a person who wants to see the best in people and so isn’t a suspicious sort, otherwise he would definitely have an edge when it comes to figuring out that Chang Su is such a devious plotter and has some dangerous long-term goals; he is too innocent, alas. I also get the feeling that Jing Rui is at a disadvantage here even though he is the more mature of the two simply because he’s grown up surrounded by not one but TWO doting families so he’s just? Used to being loved? (And yet still hasn’t gotten spoiled, bless him.) But being accustomed to being the center of attention/having a positive network around him blinds him to Chang Su’s machinations. Anyway. Yu Jin and Jing Rui are the Most Precious souls in this entire show so far and must be protected at all costs. I dread what’s undoubtedly coming for them. The show wouldn’t make them this Good for no reason.)

Meanwhile, best of friends Meng is assuring the Emperor that it is very possible that Su Zhe might know a secret technique that would enable children to defeat Baili Qi, and also says even if the kids lose it’s a win-win for the Emperor. He also says even if the kids lose, it “won’t be any worse than it is now.” The Emperor somehow finds that reassuring? I feel like insulting a rival nation’s champion, then losing to him in a fight brought about by the insult IS a situation that would be made worse by the loss, but maybe he figures he’ll just punish this random impertinent strategist if things go wrong and so therefore he, the Emperor, is fine no matter what. Whatever.

The next scene starts pretty randomly with one of the less important concubines crying because she has to light candles at the shrine for a dead Empress. Is dead Empress the current Emperor’s mother? I feel like it must be. Anyway she must have been an awful person if her ghost can scare this woman that badly.

Enter Jingmum!! Jingmum (not her name, alas, but I’m using it for clarification sake) offers to accompany and help her fellow woman because she is a good and wonderful person. How much influence did she have over Jing as he grew up? Because he seems like a fantastic guy, but as a concubine of the Emperor I don’t know how much freedom to just be a mom to her kid this woman had. I want to see what their relationship is like.

Oh, and the current Empress is the one punishing the sad concubine for something trivial like bad handwriting or somesuch. This is an interesting detail because until now the Emperor’s favourite concubine, Crown Prince’s mom, seemed much more obviously hateful. This shows the Empress is also definitely not a good person. It reminds me of how Yu scolded those sparring soldiers so harshly back in episode 2. Guess that’s where he learned it from?

“Your arms must be sore,” a way too kind and compassionate Jingmum says to her fellow concubine, after the latter lights some candles. If her arms are sore, she needs to do some lifting, my gosh. Then again, I suppose she doesn’t have anything to do in her life to strengthen her arms, but still. That’s pathetic. Jingmum even massages her arm as they walk out of the shrine together??? What a saint. She says she was trained in medicine before, so I guess that explains things. Have her take a look at Lin Shu, pls. I want him alive longer than two years ok? Make it so.

Thunder sounds and I’m immediately like “SAVE THE BEAUTIFUL DRESSES” but the two women have the same thought apparently and scurry under cover, much to my relief.

BUT THEN. Their run for cover puts them right outside a secluded room where they can overhear a conversation between some old woman and the most evil-looking handmaid I’ve ever seen in my entire life. This actress flat-out sneers every word, and it’s kind of funny. But the conversation itself isn’t funny: they’re talking about some kind of drug that “the Empress Dowager used on Princess Supreme Li Yang back then.” Um. WHAT?! Someone wants to use this drug on someone in secret, and these women are making the necessary arrangements.

Jingmum and weak-arm concubine hurry away before they are spotted, but that sounded REALLY SKEEVY. My suspicions are confirmed when weak-arm concubine, in major distress, tells Jingmum that this is an emergency: that drug they were talking about is basically a date rape drug that was used in the past on the Princess Supreme. Who, I am pretty sure, is one of Jing Rui’s moms???? (Ten episodes later I know that yes, this is Jing Rui’s mom.) WHAT IS HAPPENING. Nothing good, that is sure. Weak-arm asks Jingmum for advice, and Jingmum tells her to keep silent about what she heard. It’s better to play it safe in the palace and not meddle in secrets, she says. This is exactly he opposite of what Jing would say, I have no doubt. So he can’t have spent THAT much time with his mom: enough to inherit her goodness but not her subtlety, I think.

Back at Snow Cottage we are treated to a long montage of the slave children waving swords around with varying expressions of seriousness on their round faces. Fei Liu is doing all the work to train them, and I imagine he’s a brutal but effective teacher. Lin Shu is sitting nearby paying nearly zero attention; he trusts Fei Liu to get the job done. “Make them faster so I can be sure to win,” he instructs, and I’m pretty sure that’s all he needs to say for Fei Liu to do everything in his power to make these kids the fastest children under the sun. I am curious about why he is so very, very devoted to Lin Shu. They’re such an odd duo but so great together.

Lin Shu does start paying attention, however, when Ni Huang shows up for an unannounced visit. Surprise! As always, he looks momentarily stricken to see her, and I wonder if she realizes she frightens him, she seems like she’s always watching him very closely. She looks like she is pleased to have surprised him, but he covers his reaction almost instantly. Ni Huang is here to see the children’s formation they are practicing for herself, and she is very perceptive in her criticism of it as she walks alone with Chang Su afterwards. I love it whenever Ni Huang shows off how smart she is AND how skilled she is in warfare. She’s perfect. She asks if he maybe has something further planned, and he doesn’t answer, like he doesn’t trust himself to reply. Every time she shows how clever she is it’s like you can see that hidden Lin Shu in him fall in love with her all over again and it’s the WORST. Sidenote: Hu Ge has done amazing work in this show so far, but one of my favourite aspects of his portrayal is that you can so clearly tell when shades of Lin Shu are coming out–which is remarkable, when you think about it, because I still haven’t been introduced to Lin Shu. I still don’t know who he IS. And yet I do, because Hu Ge has such a clear understanding of who he is, he’s clueing me in even without that formal introduction, even without convenient flashbacks, or without ever talking about who he was before. He’s wonderful.

Chang Su finally promises he will do all he can to help Ni Huang out of her predicament (one of the few promises he makes that I 100% believe, lol), and she looks thoughtful.

“For some reason,” she confesses as she looks out at the garden, “I actually trust you.”

Lin Shu’s only reaction is a blink that covers a flinch, and it’s like you can see how glad her confession makes him before reality catches up to his relief and turns it all to pain, and then he just. Walks away. No bow, no farewell, nothing. Because he can’t handle this, and neither can I. Ni Huang watches him go, looking strangely triumphant. Point to Ni Huang, I think. She is DEFINITELY on to him.

That night, Jingmum stays up very late sewing some pouches. She’s planning something. The next day (presumably), the delightful grandmother is back!!!! I’m desperately hoping that this time she doesn’t break my heart. Right now she’s all happy because she’s admiring the nice smell of the pretty sachet she has; the other concubines present also have some. Crown Prince’s mom and the Empress are there, too. The grandmother, learning that Jingmum made the sachets, eagerly asks that she be invited into the hall. Apparently her status is so lowly she cannot visit the grandmother without permission?? That’s so unfair. I wonder if the Emperor’s displeasure with Jing is thus reflected onto Jing’s mother, or if she’s just always been a nobody.

(Sidenote: the Empress’ headdress is a MARVEL. It’s been a while since I’ve commented on costumes. That headdress might be my favourite costume piece of the episode. Either that, or Mei Chang Su’s cute white turtleneck thing.)

When Jingmum comes in, Princess Supreme Li Yang is there. She is so sweet? Jingmum offers her a gift of a sachet, too, but then uses that moment where she presses it into the Princess’ hand to squeeze her hand hard, and the Princess immediately knows something is up. This is a code of some kind, probably a “we need to talk” or something similar.

Grand Empress Dowager, meanwhile, has another memory time slip; she seems to think that Jingmum is new to the harem, and is still just as warm and kind to her, because she’s such a wonderful old lady.

And THEN THIS HAPPENS:

“After Consort Chen gave birth, she isn’t feeling very well. You are a medical maid. Since the Lin family sent you here, you must take good care of her.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa. As the grandmother says this, EVERYONE gets visibly nervous and the music gets very tense. There is no Consort Chen, the Empress says. She died a long time ago.

The poor old grandmother immediately is extremely distressed, and starts begging for her eldest grandson. What has happened to her eldest grandson? She cries. Nothing good, I think. Darn it, this old woman has punched me in the heart AGAIN. I will never trust a scene with her in it ever again, so help me. The various women flutter around trying to calm her, and order Jingmum out of the hall, saying this is her fault.

Okay: there is a LOT to unpack here. First: Consort Chen. I don’t know who she is, but clearly her death was NOT a natural one. It definitely had something to do with whatever went down twelve years ago. Second: the eldest grandson. I don’t know who he is? Maybe I’ve heard before, but not enough that I recognize his name. Presumably he was also part of that disaster. I’m assuming both he and his mom (?) were implicated in the same false treason that took down Lin Shu himself, because those women looked scared to hear those names brought up. Furthermore, if he was the eldest son, then I’m guessing that he was a main target in whatever plot went down. Third: the Lin family sent Jingmum? So she’s related to Lin Shu directly? (Aside: I know a bit more about how the various families are connected from where I am in ep16 now, but at the time I watched this I was a lot more up in the air.)

Later, Jingmum is visited by the Princess, who made up some excuse about a rash so she could visit the medically-skilled minor concubine. In truth, she’s just there because she got the signal earlier and wants to know why Jingmum wanted to talk. It’s a refreshing change to see Court women sneaking about for the sake of good, instead of because they’re wicked snakey people (looking at you, Crown Prince mom and Empress). Jingmum explains about what she overheard, and the Princess FREEZES. There’s a flashback, and oh my gosh. The princess was given the wine by HER OWN MOTHER???? WHO ARRANGED HER DAUGHTER’S DRUGGING TO ENABLE THE MARQUIS TO HAVE HIS WAY WITH HER???? THEREBY TRAPPING HER IN AN IMPOSSIBLE DILEMMA OF DISHONOR UNLESS SHE MARRIED HIM?? This is despicable. It’s horrific. And I feel horrible for both the Princess and for Jing Rui, who surely knows nothing of this, and ughhhhhhh. It’s so gross. HER OWN MOM.

Anyway, the Princess is first angry that this painful history is brought up, but when she realizes someone is in danger of suffering this fate today, she is first shocked and then turns all to steel. Jingmum tells her only she can save Ni Huang, who is surely the target of the unknown schemer. Many people are desperate to be allied to Ni Huang and her family via marriage right now. Somehow, they have to protect her.

Does Lin Shu know this is going on???? I can’t imagine how he would, but surely he won’t be kept in the dark for long.

Speaking of Lin Shu, the kids are still flailing around with their swords and they look more adept now. Chang Su congratulates them and they all grin back at him and it’s very cute. This has probably been the best week of their lives. Why is he so good with kids??? The cynic in me is like “because he’s good at manipulating people” but I like to think it’s the Lin Shu part of him, not the Chang Su, that connects with them. Anyway, Fei Liu is like an angry, jealous cat until Chang Su, somehow managing to keep a straight face, gives him a very deliberate compliment to mollify him.

And then: Jing is back! And never mind what I said earlier, HIS costume might be my favourite of the episode. Those strong, vibrant colors? That bright red belt? LOOKING GOOD, JING.

The children scamper off to play, but Ting Sheng pauses to smile shyly at Jing before he goes and I melt a little. Jing is here to check on the boy, but also to let Chang Su know he’s researched his background. Is it just me, or did Chang Su look a bit excited at that? He lights up a little at the prospect of finding out how well he’s duped Prince Jing. A little too well, as it turns out. Jing is particularly cutting as he says, funny story, he tends to be pretty ignorant of politics (heavily implying that politics is the Worst), but he has found out that Mei Chang Su is buddies with both the Crown Prince AND Prince Yu, isn’t that interesting? Coming from someone as forthright and firmly principled as Jing, this is a slap in the face. He somehow manages to even turn how he sips his tea into a diss. Chang Su definitely pauses here; I honestly think Lin Shu planned for this, but that he didn’t anticipate how much it would sting to have Jing think so little of him. He CLEARLY cares a lot about Jing’s opinion of him, which might prove problematic to his persona, I imagine. He says he’s not their friend, they just both want him as their ally, and Jing scoffs: surely the great Mei Chang Su didn’t come to the capitol NOT to try to seize power?

No, that is true, agrees Chang Su. He does want to help guide the next Emperor. Jing looks a little disappointed, but not surprised. He asks with pointed restraint whether Chang Su is going to support the Crown Prince or Prince Yu.

And this is the moment Lin Shu has been waiting for, for who knows how long–you can tell that this is a moment he has been longing for–he doesn’t want either of them. I’d like to choose you.

I did NOT see this coming, but the instant he said it I was like YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! He’s not just tearing down: he’s building up!! It’s not just about ruining the people he hates, he is going to beat them at their own game by raising up an Emperor HE wants!!!! Omg. Omg. So hyped. This revelation made me SO. HAPPY. Because it makes the stakes IMPOSSIBLY higher, and it also makes me love Lin Shu even more. Because this is solid confirmation that this isn’t just a revenge story, and I’m just ECSTATIC because this game Lin Shu is playing is also going to be soooooo much more complicated and multilayered than I had anticipated if Jing as Emperor is his end goal. He’s going to have to play the court like a fiddle, and omg I can’t wait to see him work. Plus, I WANT JING TO BE EMPEROR. So I am aaaaaaall in. This is the best reveal ever.

Jing, meanwhile, almost gets whiplash from how fast he turns to stare at the placidly smiling Chang Su. He looks absolutely dazed for a good few seconds, and it’s adorable–and then he bursts out laughing. This poor man.

He sits down and downs a cup of tea like it’s a shot, which made me laugh in the midst of my giddy excitement, ahahahaha, and then, slightly bitterly, Jing lays out plainly to this strategist just how impossible it is for him to reach the throne. His mother is of low rank, he has no noble family connections through her, he has no connections in the world of politics or in any of the various government ministries, he’s spent basically his entire adult life soldiering and so has no worthy connections there, he is not even a high-ranked prince himself even though he’s 31 because, oh yeah, his dad the current Emperor HATES HIM. So, good luck with that, Chang Su. Hearing Jing list all the ways he’s a (supposed) failure made me so sad. I know basically nothing about him as a person, but I know on instinct that he deserves so much better. Again: the acting is so good. Also the music. The Music starts up in this scene and it’s awesome.

Chang Su looks levelly at Jing. I know you are at a disadvantage, he says. But I have no other choice. And for just a second, he sounds DANGEROUS. It’s one of the few times so far, I think, that Lin Shu is speaking 100% honestly, no restraint or hiding behind masks, but pure INTENT, and the depth of the emotion he had in that one line was just–yes. Yes, do it. Take down those who wronged you, and work impossible wonders to get Jing made Emperor. DO IT. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

(Just … Do it without hurting Jing Rui?)

(Meanwhile, the Princess Supreme tries to visit Ni Huang but Ni Huang is away for the day. So much for that storyline for the moment.)

Back at the Snow Cottage, Chang Su tries to pour Jing more tea while explaining his plan, but Jing is stone-cold not having it–neither the tea, nor this conversation in general. I hate how distrustful he is, but it makes total sense from his point of view. Especially since he was connected to the Event™ somehow 12 yrs ago, if not politically then emotionally. Small wonder that he’s so distrustful and defensive! His continuing bad relationship with the Emperor has to stem from then, because he still believes that the people implicated were innocent. Ni Huang also thinks this, seemingly, but she’s more subtle about it so I guess she got a free pass. Jing comes across as a man who has grown accustomed to being always lonely and unable to trust anyone, let alone grow close to anyone, and it’s horrible even though I believe that the way he has frozen up is what has kept him alive this long, I, Claudius style–if the Crown Prince and Prince Yu thought him a threat, they’d surely have taken him out by now because he is not protected by the Emperor’s good opinion–or, well, by anything, come to think of it. Furthermore, his own father could easily interpret any semblance of ambition as treasonous? Because of his apparent sympathy to the people who died a dozen years earlier, it would be a very small logical leap for the already disapproving Emperor to make. His position in both the kingdom and his own family is terribly vulnerable and I can’t blame him for having adapted the way he has. But I don’t want him to be that way??? I want him to be happy. Gah. WHY CANT THE GOOD PEOPLE IN THIS SHOW JUST BE HAPPY.

(Sidenote: I wonder if he has any sort of subconscious recognition of Lin Shu like how Ni Huang has, but if it’s affecting him in an opposite way–making him even MORE guarded and hostile, instead of instinctively trusting this stranger. Based off the music cues and the acting, Lin Shu and Jing definitely have a Past. I’m eager to find out what that Past is, but also–I’m very scared. The more these two interact the worse I’m going to feel watching it, probably.)

Chang Su tells him he wants to support him simply because political success while backing such a hopeless candidate for the throne will make him, Chang Su, look even more impressive than he would if he worked with one of the other two Princes. Jing seems to believe that this selfish, ugly motive is the truth, which is good for Lin Shu’s goals and secret identity, but also–ughhhhhh. Jing also comments on how he cannot understand how people like Chang Su, who are obsessed with political manipulation and power grabs, think. Again–this is the WORST, because Lin Shu CLEARLY understands Jing really well. So presumably Jing would similarly understand Lin Shu if he knew who he was. But he doesn’t, so. Shu just keeps impaling himself on the sword of Jing’s scorn to coax the stubbornly righteous prince into working with him.

(Sidenote: Jing has THE most beautiful eyebrows. They’re so impressive. Truly worthy of gracing an Emperor. Crown Prince’s sad ‘stache shouldn’t stand a chance.)

Finally, Chang Su asks Jing plainly if he WANTS either of the other princes to take the throne. Jing is visibly upset by this and says essentially that if Chang Su is as great a strategist as everyone says, then he should know the answer to that already. Chang Su smiles and says of course he does: he IS the Divine Talent, after all. I still am amused that he even has that name for himself? But it seems to be well-earned, so go ahead and call yourself whatever you like, Chang Su. Does this mean we can say he actually has four names? Good grief.

Jing gets VERY intense and says that there’s no hope of the throne for himself, but he will do ANYTHING if the Divine Talent can prevent those other two from taking the throne. (Actually, hilariously, the subtitles on dramafever have him say he would “pay whatever prince it takes” but I’m assuming he’s actually meaning he’d pay any price, metaphorically speaking, not that he’d bribe any prince. Because that would kinda go against his whole character as established up to this point, so.)

Chang Su tells Jing that Ting Sheng’s freedom will be his first gift to him. If Jing accepts that gift, then they will be partners in this play for power. Jing is clearly conflicted over this, and soothes his uneasy conscience by telling Chang Su plainly that he does not like sneaky, manipulative people like this, so even if Chang Su does help him to the throne, Chang Su isn’t guaranteed any kind of fame or reward. Chang Su–who, again, looked ever so slightly hurt by Jing’s appraisal of his character–says that’s fine; there is time enough for negotiating rewards later. What really matters to him is how Jing’s temperament is different from the other two Princes’.

(Also, the music, you guys. THE MUSIC. WHY IS THE OST NOT ON ITUNES.)

We’ve never met, Jing tells him coldly. How could you know what my temperament is like? Oh, Prince Jing. I have only known you as long as the fake Mei Chang Su has, and even I know what your temperament is like. Also, did Shu slip in saying what he did, or was it planned? It felt spontaneous. He backs off the statement a little, changing tack and instead reminding Jing that if he doesn’t want the other two princes as Emperor, then Jing is the only other possible successor; no other prince is eligible. The scene ends there, but–I think Chang Su has got him. I think Jing is the type that he won’t be able to get those plainly presented facts out of his head, and he’ll talk himself into actually going for the throne just so he can stop his terrible brother’s. I don’t think Chang Su has to push him anymore, he just needed to plant that seed. I’m so excited.

Cut to Marquis Xie, who is apparently having his wife followed??? His wife, who he drugged and raped decades ago???? He can NOT get any worse, what a disgusting slug of a man. Unfortunately he seems like he’s also very clever. Unfortunate for Lin Shu’s scheming, that is; it’s very fortunate for the story because watching Shu work his magic wouldn’t be anywhere NEAR as compelling or as satisfying if he was just given a bunch of straw men opponents to knock down. Major kudos to the show (and, I’m assuming, the novel) for making basically everyone intelligent. A lot of times stories with brilliant protagonists just write everyone else as stupid so that the protagonist just seems smart; making EVERYONE smart is way harder to write, but the payoff is HUGE. Yes, Mei Chang Su does make some Sherlock-Holmes-esque leaps of logic sometimes that don’t NECESSARILY have to lead to what he concludes, but that being said it’s usually pretty solidly done, plus he has tripped up a couple times anyway, so he isn’t always right. I can live with a handful of convenient deductions when the narrative and emotional payoff is this good.

Anyway, back to what I was saying: Marquis Gross is having people follow his wife. He knows that she tried to visit Ni Huang and that she was not successful. I’m curious about WHY he is spying on her, though. Is he just a jealous husband? Or does he have spies tailing other people, too? I would have thought he’d have had Mei Chang Su followed by now, if that were the case.

Back at the Snow Cottage, Meng is peering at Ting Sheng while the boy sleeps. It’s not as creepy as it sounds. Also, I half expected Meng to accidentally drip candle wax on the kid’s face and wake him up, lolll. He nods at Chang Su like he’s confirming something, and once they are back at Chang Su’s tea table–an already iconic location in this show, tbh–he says something about are you sure that slave kid is Prince Qi’s son? And instantly I’m like ohhhhhhh, wait. Wait. Is Prince Qi the supposed leader of the fake rebellion, the dead grandson the old grandma Empress was crying about earlier?? The oldest prince????? Because of COURSE Jing would care about this boy, if so. But the Emperor can have no idea, I would think? Otherwise this boy would be dead, I’m prettttttttty certain.

Lin Shu lays all this out, and Meng admits the boy looks like the dead prince a lot. He then brightens and says, well, at least this shows the gods have a conscience! The look on Lin Shu’s face when Meng says that–somehow, I reeeeeeally doubt he feels the same, lol. Again, Meng asks what happened 12 years ago and how Lin Shu survived, what horrors has he had to go through, to be here alive but apparently 100% transformed? Once again, Shu sidesteps this question. Once again, I am incredibly frustrated. He says the only thing about his survival that matters is that he will not let this life he’s managed to cling to go to waste.

Then we cut to Ni Huang sitting in what I assume is her manor? Her armor and campaign map are on display in the background anyway, nice touch. She’s reading something. Her brother comes in and asks about the children’s chances against Baili Qi (oh yeah, almost forgot about him after that Jing-Shu talk scene) and Ni Huang doesn’t seem like she was that impressed. Her brother is instantly upset and starts to march over to Chang Su’s house in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT (I love this brash kid) but Ni Huang sharply forbids him. She reminds him, too, that just because the kids might not defeat Baili Qi doesn’t mean SHE can’t. I totally believe Ni Huang could take him, because I want to believe in her. She’s amazing.

Back to the Snow Cottage, Meng is aghast at the notion of Jing vying for the throne. He’s definitely worried that this plan will get Jing killed. Heck, IM worried about the same thing! But Lin Shu has an answer–a terrible, terrifying, heartbreaking answer:

Doesn’t he still have me? Leave all those despicable and ruthless tactics to me. If we are to overthrow those evil villains, the innocent are bound to be hurt. At times, we might even have to be ruthless to them. If Prince Jing can’t bear to inflict such pain, I will.

There is a LOT to unpack from this little speech (once I stop sniffling and blink these drafted tears from my eyes). Firstly! Lin Shu knows how Jing is limited by his morals and principles AND HE DOES NOT WANT TO CHANGE THAT. He is not setting out to make Jing into a more ruthless person; he needs Jing to stay, well, Jing, if he is going to succeed in putting a Good Emperor on the throne. Secondly!! STAY AWAY FROM JING RUI AND YU JIN. It seems my instincts that Mei Chang Su somehow befriended Jing Rui for ulterior motives is were correct, ughhhhh. Thirdly!!! This speech comes RIGHT on the heels of his previous statement that never mind what horrific suffering he has endured; the important thing is that he is alive and thus he must not waste his life. This plan of his seems more and more like a sacrificial suicide of both body and soul; he knows he doesn’t have long to live (according to his conversation in episode 1), and so he risks what little time he has left by going back to the capitol and exerting himself far beyond what I imagine is safe, both mentally and physically. Not only that, but he knows good, upright Jing would never stoop to the underhanded machinations necessary to win the throne on his own, so here comes Lin Shu willing to sacrifice his own sense of righteousness to keep Jing Good as well as to make him win. We’ve had enough clues now that I really, really, REALLY don’t think this scheming and manipulating and cold calculatory nature is something that is actually natural to our sickly avenger. It is simply that in his mind the end goal justifies any means, ANY AT ALL, and that includes not only hurting innocents, but also hurting himself. Before Lin Shu throws any innocent or good person to the wolves for the sake of Jing’s success, he is throwing his own self away. Before his body perishes, he is already attempting this suicide of self: now that he has his life, he has to make sure it is not wasted. He exists only to get his vengeance and to eradicate the corruption in his family and the government that essentially cost him his life all those years ago, and this means he exists only to use himself up as a sacrifice to ensure Jing wins this harrowing political game. Meng has commented repeatedly on how this Lin Shu is physically changed. He is trying to hold to an equally drastic mental change. In light of this revelation, all of his scenes with Ni Huang, who is subconsciously drawn to the Lin Shu that’s still in there, are made approximately 500% more painful. UGHHHH.

I’m still not over this scene; I might never be over this scene; but I have to move on, so now we cut to the Princess, Jing Rui’s mom. She tells her maids to cover for her and then makes a spectacularly conspicuous escape from her rooms, heading to the cottage where Mei Chang Su is staying. Seriously, she is still in her fine silks, she’s carrying a lantern larger than her head; all she did was cover her hair with a lovely hood. I don’t know where her husband’s spies are right now? But they should be fired.

But somehow she sneaks successfully to Chang Su’s door. He looks surprised, but lets her in for a chat after Meng stealths away. She’s come to tell him about the plot she was told about to drug Ni Huang. He asks can’t she put a stop to this without his help? This poor woman looks decidedly bitter as she tells him that her high rank as Princess Supreme really isn’t much use. She can’t do anything herself for fear that her husband and children will be implicated, and she doesn’t have anyone to accuse anyway. Chang Su assures her he will help. I really like this woman; I don’t have her name down yet. Li Yang? Something like that. She’s so pretty and her voice is so distinct, and I feel so badly for her. And how brave she is to take this risk in the hopes of saving Ni Huang from what happened to her!

But uh-oh, there’s trouble: the Marquis is on his way to his wife’s empty room. The Princess Supreme’s maids panic, until this utterly fantastic old maid (or governess, of somesuch? An old servant who knows how to play people just as well as Mei Chang Su, anyway) takes the situation in hand. She tells the Marquis his wife doesn’t want visitors. When he protests that but it’s him, though! She responds with oh, his wife ESPECIALLY doesn’t want to see him. Something happened with grandmother Empress today and she saw a room in the palace that reminded her of something that happened a long time ago, soooo …

This scene was brilliant. He backs down SO fast–and almost looks ashamed??? Too little, too late, you horrid man. I have no sympathy for him at all. But as a result of his guilty response (which includes him exhorting the old woman to make sure his wife is well-cared for and then him walking away comically FAST) the Princess Supreme’s late-night visit remains a secret, and she herself remains safe. Or as safe as she can be while living under that villain’s roof. Take out the Marquis, Lin Shu, do it, do it now!!

Chang Su walks the Princess Supreme out of his house to be polite, looking very calm, but the instant she’s gone his smile drops and he runs–or the closest we’ve ever seen him run, lolllll this poor invalid man–back into his cottage. Meng comes out of whatever cupboard he was hiding in (hey–where was Fei Liu this whole time? I just realized he was absent) and is like who could possibly want to drug Ni Huang???? Lin Shu, very deep in thought, says it has to be either the Empress or the favored Consort, the Crown Prince’s mother. And he says they won’t know which it is until one of them summons Ni Huang to the palace.

Aaaaand, end episode! Hoo boy, a LOT happened in this one, and again–it was all really important! Except for the boys training, I mean it’s important that they ARE training but those were the only scenes I felt like I didn’t have to pay attention to reaaaaal closely. Jing moves further into the foreground of the action in a big way, and we FINALLY get inside Lin Shu’s head a little as he shares at least a major part of what his endgame is. The stakes are sky high, everyone, and I worry that he’s not going to be able to handle what must be an immense amount of stress that will only worsen as things progress. He’s already having a hard time around Ni Huang, and he hasn’t been in court very long. Also, this cliffhanger is the most intense one yet, because it involves Ni Huang’s safety. I agree with the Princess Supreme that Ni Huang is clever enough to keep herself safe once she’s tipped off, so I hope Chang Su really can warn her at the palace fight! Too bad she can’t just punch the Empress or the Consort in the face, or something. That would be satisfying.

Next up: Episode 5! Hopefully I can get the post written and posted before my plane flight on Sunday. Also, I have a dance competition on Saturday, so really I would have to finish episode 5’s post by Friday to be able to post it before sometime late Sunday … I will try, but I can’t promise for sure.

Also! Sunday marks the beginning of my 10-day tour of Okinawa, which means my updates here will largely rely upon when I can find wifi. Adjust your expectations accordingly and just be prepared for my replies to comments and asks to be less prompt for a few days. And thanks again, guys, for making this viewing experience such a fun one, despite me putting off watching the show for about two years now? I only started writing these episode reactions/recaps for a couple individuals who specifically asked to know my thoughts, and I never expected there would be more of you out there who would be reading along, too, considering the show ended so long ago! Being able to chat with you all is really enhancing my first-time viewing experience, so thanks for that ^_^