#i was watching a shitty hallmark at the same time

[safyresky]

okay i lied last one

anyone else have "Fino says the CS equivalent of 'you can't have shit in detroit' meme" on their CS version 3.7.2 bingo card???

[yki-dolls]

One of my favourite Leo headcanons in my brain is that he loves watching shitty hallmark movies (I think that's what they're called, I'm not American?) for Christmas where the same annoying white couple get together because the woman from the big city goes home and realises the value of Christmas from Man McMan from Middleofnowheresville the small town.

He watches them, crying, whilst drinking wine and eating alcoholic chocolate and is convinced that neither of those things count as alcohol because he quote "Doesn't get drunk off them". (He does get drunk he's just a crying drunk and he thinks that because the films make him cry).

Mikey is concerned for now, but by the end of the day the teasing will be merciless.

Didn't colour my lineart this time for that Comic Feel™

(Also leave me a prompt in my ask inbox if you want to xoxo)

[Close up panels] :

[SPEEDPAINT]:

Pixel art Commissions

[caroldantops]

milk and cookies

ship: kate bishop x milf!reader

summary/request:  with your kids gone for the holiday, you're left alone with the babysitter.

word count: 1.6k

warnings: smut (18+ only), hints of power bottom reader, hints of service top kate, implied switch&vers!reader and kate, vaginal fingering (r receiving), lactation kink (r has the milkies), slight overstimulation, mentions of your lame ex husband

a/n: takes place at around christmas eve, but i tried to keep the holiday reader is celebrating vague! they do watch shitty hallmark christmas movies tho.

masterlist | ao3 link

Headlights fade into the distance as your ex-husband peels out of the driveway. You cringe as they go far too fast for your liking with the snow steadily covering the street, pulling out your phone to remind them, again, to text you when your kids are home safe. 

You sigh, feeling a mix of relief and sadness that your two children are no longer your responsibility for the rest of the holiday. The decorations that you'd put up twinkle, a few older bulbs flickering weakly. They illuminate the dark hair of the babysitter cleaning up wrapping paper from the floor. 

"Kate, dear, you're free to go home," you tell her. "I'll get all that later." 

"Oh no, I don't mind, really!" 

"I don't want you to have to spend your holidays with me," you give her a weak smile. Her eyebrows furrow in confusion, as if she doesn't understand why that would be painfully boring. "Unless you really find it thrilling to watch horrible Hallmark movies while my breast pump runs, then falling asleep at nine because being a parent is exhausting even when the kids aren't home." 

Kate laughs, cheeks slightly flush. She crinkles the ribbons in her hands, lithe fingers always restlessly fidgeting with anything within reach. "My family isn't...doing any holiday things this year. And all my friends are out of town. So, I don't have anywhere to be. I don't want to be a burden though! I can go and let you enjoy your movies."  

"You're more than welcome," you give her a much brighter smile this time, which she returns with enthusiasm. "But seriously, leave all the mess. I'll deal with it in the morning."

"Fine. But!" Kate jumps over the couch, and you cringe as you watch it tilt and then thump back into place. "I'm going to make you my world famous hot chocolate." 

"World famous, huh?" 

"Practically a James Beard winner," Kate says, shuffling through your cabinets and pulling out what is clearly your stash of boxed hot cocoa. 

"Funny, I think I use the same recipe," you roll your eyes affectionately, even though Kate is now completely focused on getting milk to heat on the stove. You sit down and flip to the right channel, already amused with the milquetoast white couple surrounded by Christmas trees on your screen. 

Kate starts humming to herself in the kitchen, and your eyes drift back towards her. As she patiently stirs the hot chocolate, you can't help but admire her. Her long legs clad in purple sweatpants, fuzzy holiday sweater, and her plump lips curled into a smile as she hums along to the Christmas song playing on the television. Kate can feel your gaze on her, and her eyes meet yours, crinkling at the corners with a knowing smile. 

You immediately tear your eyes away, embarrassed at being caught. 

Stop it, you tell yourself. That is your children's babysitter. 

Your children's babysitter who you know for a fact has a thing for you. Kate has been painfully obvious about it, showing no shame in flirting with you over the few months that you've known her. Nothing aggressive, but most certainly not subtle. 

Your favorite is when she gives you a compliment in front of your ex-husband, something that he never did. 

Desperate to keep these thoughts about Kate away for the rest of the night, you get up from your spot and go to find your breast pump. You switch the light on in the nursery, puzzled when you don't see the travel bag that you usually leave under the changing table. As you search the other bedrooms, wondering if you dropped it there instead, realization hits you that the bag that the kids usually take overnight is on the bed. They must've taken the travel bag - the one which has your only working breast pump in it - with them. 

Normally, this wouldn't be a huge deal. Sure, you would be sore, but you could survive a day. Except your kids - and the bag - are traveling to see their grandparents for a couple of days. No feeding, no pump. 

You look at the icy roads out of the window. Driving isn't an option right now, and even then, most stores are probably closed for Christmas. 

As you give up on thinking of a solution, you make your way back to the living room and find Kate sitting criss-cross on the couch with two mugs of hot cocoa on the coffee table in front of her. She looks up at you, eager eyes softening in concern as she sees your face. 

"You okay?" 

"Yeah," you groan, flopping on the couch next to her. "The kids took the wrong bag, so I don't have my pump." 

"Oh," Kate responds, falling silent as she stares at the pair of mugs. 

"It's fine," you sigh. "It'll just be a day or two before I can get another one, which sucks." 

"Are you sore?" Kate asks, eyes darting down to your chest, then away again. 

You notice, but simply answer, "Only a little right now, but I'm sure when I go to sleep I will be." 

"Maybe I can help." 

"All the stores are closed right now Kate, plus the snow is coming down much harder now--" 

"No, I meant," Kate's cheeks turn as red as the Rudolph nose on her sweater. "I thought maybe I could help in a different way." 

As she says this, your brain finally clicks into what she means, and you suck in a breath. Chewing on your lip, you consider for a moment. You want this. You're going to let this happen. But you want to hear her say it. 

"In what way, baby?" Your voice drops lower, and Kate audibly groans, shifting so that she's facing you. Her hands dart to the edge of your sweater, twitching as she pauses and waits for your permission. 

"Can I?" 

"C'mon, Kate," you cup her cheek, running your thumb over her chin and teasing her bottom lip. "Use your big girl words." 

"Can I taste you? Please?" Her voice cracks, coming out in a whine, and you lose any semblance of composure that you were holding onto. 

You pull her into a warm kiss, a gasp leaving you as she nips your bottom lip. Kate tugs your sweater up over your tits, not bothering to take it all the way off. She fumbles with the clasps on your bra, not understanding the little panels that are slightly damp. You help her, allowing her full access to your breasts, and she wastes little time admiring how full and swollen with milk they are. 

Her soft lips wrap around your nipple, and you sigh shakily with relief as you feel her suck. Both of you moan together as your milk first hits her tongue. Kate looks up at you, eyelashes fluttering with contentment as she drinks. You scratch at her scalp, enamored with how cute she looks gazing up at you. 

As feverishly as this began, the room settles into surprising calmness. Kate's eyes fall shut as she switches sides, and the only thing you can hear is the droning sounds of the television and the wet noises of Kate suckling you. 

Kate pauses her drinking for a moment to come up and kiss you, letting you taste yourself on her tongue. A gasp leaves your throat as Kate's knee presses against your core and your hips jerk against her. She raises an eyebrow at you. 

"Need help with that too?" 

"Yes," you answer plainly, guiding Kate's hand to your clothed cunt. 

"I think you should use your big girl words," Kate teases. You glare at her. 

"Just fuck me, Kate." She takes the hint, rubbing your dripping cunt over the material of your increasingly soaked leggings. 

"Fuck, you're so wet." Kate guides you so that you're laying down, allowing her to easily slip her hand under your waistband to stroke your clit while moving her mouth back to your breasts, unable to get enough of you. 

"God, Kate," you moan. It's been so long since any hands other than your own have touched you, and the combination of Kate's mouth and fingers have you coming far quicker than you'd like. The feeling of you clenching around her doesn't stop Kate though. She moves away from your nipple to suck marks into your neck, fucking you through your climax and sending you tumbling into a second. 

"Kate, Kate," you whine, pussy sore with overstimulation. Kate slows her movement, allowing you breathing room as she pulls out her hand and lays her head on your chest. Both of you breathe heavily, sitting with the realization that months of tension finally paid off. 

Kate breaks the silence. "Our hot chocolate is probably cold by now." 

"You're still thirsty?" 

"I have a big appetite," Kate laughs, nose bumping against your jaw. 

"Well, you obviously can't go home now," you point to the white-out outside the window. Kate props herself up on top of you to see, and you get momentarily distracted at how pretty she looks in the holiday lights. "So how about we shower and then reheat the hot cocoa?" 

"Okay, do you wanna go first?" Kate asks innocently. "It's your shower, after all." 

"Oh, we're going together," you sit up, grabbing her hips so she settles in your lap and wraps her legs around you. Kate bites her lip, hips shifting under you. "You gave me a present, now it's your turn."

"I think I gave you two presents, actually," Kate says smugly.

"I'll have to give you three then."

[livingbrother]

LO and it's portrayal of S/A

A rant by someone who just finished EP. 98 and is incredibly furious

Cw: Mentions of S/A, it's effects, too much swearing, ED mention, personal stuff that happened to yours truly, lots of other stuff too, just no idea what to tag it as

Don't read this if you're not mentally doing well, I don't want you getting hurt because of my post, I love you, feel better soon

Boy. Oh fucking boy. I just got through episode 98 of this shit show and, I'll just say, I am beyond furious. Livid, in fact.

For context, I am a survivor or sexual abuse and mental abuse, I have dealt with those who act sort of like Apollo, I was never raped, but I was molested as a child. I, as a survivor, feel nothing but rage at how Rachel portrayed Apollo being a rapist. The way he acts is incredibly unrealistic for an abuser, as somebody who dealt with two abusers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (I'm not saying everyone who has NPD are villains, I'm just saying what I went through), I see what Rachel was trying, but oh so tragically failed, to do. He tried to control, manipulate, and gaslight Persephone. Only for none of it to work, that's not how ANY of it fucking works!

Where is the fucking control, other than just fucking raping her? I get he wants to take the power away from her and be the one to control her, but I've seen none of that! I get she has PTSD over it (I'LL GET TO THIS POINT AGAIN). I NEVER GOT THE SENSE THAT SHE WAS POWERLESS EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE SCENE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN HER QUESTION IF THAT WAS HIS INFLUENCE PICKING HER DRESSES, OR FUCKING EVEN HER FOOD! WHEN I WAS LIVING WITH ONE OF MY ABUSERS, SHE'D PICK OUT MY OUTFITS, ONE'S I HATED, AND I STILL CHOOSE SOME OF THOSE OUTFITS, TO THIS DAY! WHERE WAS HER LOSS OF CONTROL? SHE NEVER FELT ISOLATED, SHE NEVER FELT LIKE SHE WAS TRAPPED. YES. SHE WAS TRAPPED IN THAT ONE ROOM WITH HIM, BUT EVEN THEN! SHE HAD LEVERAGE OVER HIM WITH THE FUCKING LYRE. Ugh.

About her realizing she was raped, um. Excuse me? A lot of victims don't realize they were raped or abused until like, months or years later. I'm glad for the ones who instantly realized it, good for them. Given Persephone's personality and experience with the world, she wouldn't have known it was rape because she's not accustomed to dating and sexual culture. On top of that, she isn't really seen actually distressed when she remembers, oh, and lets not forget that she WAS FUCKING FINE WITH TOUCH AND PHYSICAL FLIRTING DAYS AFTER HER ASSAULT. Let me remind you that I have been through this thing myself, you do not just omg I was just assaulted! time to go let someone touch me! Nonono, you spend years jumping when people touch you, years of moving when someone tries to grab your shoulder, years of pushing someone's hand off your arm, years screaming when you get a hug. And then, maybe from flashbacks, maybe from googling things, you discover you were molested! And then it alllllll makes sense. I understand if she became hypersexual, cause same, but that usually doesn't set in until a good long while.

I also hate how Apollo is written, he should have stayed as a shitty ex boyfriend or whatever the fuck Rachel was gonna make him, he just comes across as a cartoonish villain than an abuser. The man just fucking rubs his hands together and fucking goes I'll get you next time my pretty! I fucking HATE his writing so goddamn much. I understand wanting to make him pushy, egotistical, and insecure, they're some of the hallmarks of the pushy nice guy she was going for. But when it comes to him being abusive, it's like watching a bad joke. Rapists don't usually, you know, CATCH FEELINGS FOR THEIR VICTIM (correct me if I'm wrong), unless it's to lure them back in to hurt them again. She made him so obviously evil it hurts, abusers don't usually act that way, they put on a pretty smile, act kind, and behind closed doors, act shitty. I respect 97-98 for getting that part right, but too many times, too many fucking times Rachel has gotten that wrong. I have dealt with this myself, my mother did this exact thing, she even put on the pretty smile for me so even I, somebody who knew he was being tormented, questioned whether or not I was being abused! We never see this with Persephone! We never see her getting gaslit with this, she never questions her reality! She knows everything that's going on for sure! I know what Rachel was aiming for, and she failed miserably!

God, on top of this, we never really get to see Persephone's PTSD unless the story fuckin says Apollo's here! She's never really fucking affected by her rape, we don't see her jump from touches, refuse sexual advanced from Hades, yeah, sure, we see her afraid of camera flashes, but that's about it!!!!!!!! She never really experiences the effects of s/a! I developed an ED and agoraphobia from my abuse! Where the fuck is that?! That would have been a lot more fucking interesting than the slop we fucking got!

I know I've missed some things, but I need to calm down before I pop a blood vessel. I might revisit this post when I'm less angry, I just needed to rant.

[dkakapizzaboy]

okay listen stoner bf vernon 😩 just imagine him like blowing the smoke into your mouth during seggzy time (im not okay 🤭)

Pairing: Vernon x Fem Reader(est relationship)

Category: Smut, minors shoo away,not that you should be here in the first place 👀⚔️

Disclaimer: haven’t smoked anything in my life so I tried to imagine it to the best of my abilities, thank you @himbocoups for correcting my numerous fire hazards and wrong terminology , Nu you’re literally the best, literally couldn’t have done it without you ❤️

I’m still not very confident in this but lmk what you thought anon 💕💕

Tagging @angelwoozi because she asked me to ❤️❤️

Taglist: @junhui-recs @drunk-on-dk @enhacolor @wonuhour (if you guys don’t want to be tagged in such short drabbles, please lmk 💕)

Feedback always helps!

You and your boyfriend Vernon had a ritual once a month. You would both smoke a blunt each while watching a shitty hallmark movie on YouTube and bitch about it for an hour and a half. You called it your hate watching venting ritual. Nine times out of ten, however, one of you would end up crying at the cliche ending, your high washing out the almost always terrible acting.

This month’s one that you were watching, however, was somewhat raunchy. The British dude had slid up his hand from the heroine’s ankle, to her thigh, and was slowly creeping up to her crotch. Besides you, Vernon’s eyebrows had raised at almost the same speed as that guy’s hand. The blunt in his hand was subconsciously put down on the ashtray on the table as he leaned in towards the TV screen, highly engrossed. But, much to his disappointment, and yours, the scene was cut there. He picked up his blunt again.

“Man, I wished that was longer, that was fucking hot” you thought out loud, losing all interest in whatever was happening on the screen now, taking a hit, enjoying the alluringly warm, peace inducing air in your chest one last time before putting it in the ashtray.

You felt Vernon’s free hand grabbing your ankle that was plopped on the couch. You instantly knew what was coming as you smirked at him.

His hand slowly started to crawl up the bare skin of your calf. Since you were just lounging at home, you hadn’t changed out of your nightgown, both out of laziness and for comfort. You thanked your lazy ass as you felt his hand leaving a trail of goosebumps as it rose even higher. You took a sharp inhale and his hand finally crept up under your silky nightgown.

Vernon’s free hand finally reached your panties. He slowly inhaled one final time from the blunt before putting it down in the ashtray, never breaking the eye contact. He then shifted his position to hover over you while the index finger of his other hand lowered your underwear and he immediately slid his middle and ring finger between your (understandably) very wet folds. You immediately groaned.

He leaned forward , his lips now almost touching your open ones as he finally spoke into them, the smoke from the blunt and the sensuality of his words making your head spin and mouth dry at the same time,

“Let me show you how that scene would’ve played out baby.”

[mamasbakeria]

their favorite parts of the braiding process

summary: lmfao it’s just the title

genre | includes: headcanons, sfw, black reader, gn reader, established relationship

characters: eren jaeger, mikasa ackerman, armin arlert, sasha braus, jean kirschtein, connie springer, levi ackerman, hange zoe, erwin smith, historia reiss, ymir (not fritz), reiner braun, annie leonhardt, bertholdt hoover, marco bodt, miche zacharius, nanaba, zeke jaeger, yelena, onyankopon, pieck finger, porco galliard

author’s note: got my hair done a few days ago and i’ve been experiencing insane aot brainrot so here we are. ignore the way these got progressively longer lol. this was fun and i have some other ideas, maybe college won’t kill me before i post them. enjoy and lemme know what you think :)

the take down – you can’t really place them. they never want you to take your old hair out, but are all giggly with the scissors when you assert that it’s time. they can’t help it. even with all the build-up on your scalp, they think the return of your natural hair is something out of a fairy tale. they love the curl pattern left in your hair after weeks of being in braids and they love separating the braiding hair from your own. the scene stays the same: you’re on a pillow on the floor between their knees while a shitty hallmark romcom plays on the tv in front of you. both of you are armed with rattail and wide tooth combs, mentally preparing for all the shedding and breakage you’ll be brushing off the couch for the next few weeks. it’s routine at this point for them to jokingly hover the open scissors over the part of your braid where you know damn well your hair is and ask if they can cut from there. it’s also routine for the scissors to get snatched right out of their hands as you proceed to cut way below where your hair could logically be because “after all the time i spent fighting people in walmart for the mielle oil, i better have a natural 40 inch buss down under all this xpressions”. 

EREN, ymir, PIECK, zeke (cut your hair like an inch from the scalp while removing butterfly locs one time and, to this day, you’ve never seen someone more terrified), nanaba, YELENA, onyankopon

the wash – they’re probably more excited about your hair getting washed than you are. they miss giving you scalp massages without having 6 weeks worth of gel and leave in conditioner left under their nails. what they didn’t get was why it took so long. it probably sparked an argument because they never spend that much time washing their hair, so why do you? it wasn’t until you made them watch as you and your detangling brush fought with your curls under the stream of water and nearly blacked out from the heat that they realized why the water bill was so high. to save your aching arms (and hopefully some extra cash) they offered to wash your hair for you. they nearly waterboarded you the first time, but with practice, they got better.  now, nothing relaxes them more than lathering shampoo through your hair and occasionally spraying water in your face when you look too at peace. they buy you a salon wash basin for christmas so you both can stop crouching over the tub which is great, but where the fuck are you supposed to install it?

MIKASA, erwin, sasha, REINER (has the cutest smile when you sigh in response to him scratching that one spot on your scalp), hange, jean, annie, porco

the blowout – they don’t realize, especially if your hair is type 4, that detangling during the wash is only half the battle. it doesn’t matter how silky smooth it got in the shower, the second the blow dryer is out, it all goes to hell. i hope you’re not tenderheaded because the fight between them and your curls is long and painful. but it's a battle they refuse to let you fight. god forbid you try to blow out your own hair– they get sooo upset. which confuses you because the way they grumble under their breath while passing the comb attachment through your hair has you convinced they’re only doing it to work out some unresolved stress. the truth is, they just know you’ll forget to use heat protectant and wind up frying your hair. and they know how upset you get when you realize some of your roots didn’t get stretched. so they’ll (gently) muscle their way through the most stubborn tangles any day if it means getting to see you smile at how healthy your hair looks and how much it has grown since the last time you saw it like this. they love how your hair now floats around you. they don’t love how sore their arms are. “damn, no wonder you’re so strong.”

connie, PORCO, BERTHOLDT, armin, miche, MARCO (probably cries when the comb extension breaks in your hair)

the beauty supply runs – the simultaneously dull and fluorescent lighting casts an otherworldly glow over the aisles of gel, deep conditioner, kankelon hair, and wig glue. for some reason, there’s always a childlike gleam in their eye as they scan the wigs along the wall. you have to hold their hand every time so they don’t wander off. it’s not like the store is big–you could probably read each other’s lips while standing on opposite sides–but if given the freedom to roam, you’d be leaving $250 poorer than you planned for with bags full of stuff you absolutely don’t need. “babe we have matching bonnets, we don’t need them in zebra stripes too.” if you can convince them to stick with you, they’re snatching every bottle you pick up out of your hand. before you can even begin questioning them, they’ve already started reciting information about the ingredients of the products and why it isn’t good for your hair’s porosity. you can only stare dumbly as they hand you a better option to try because you have no idea when they would have had time to do any of this research. the favorite part of the trip for both of you is picking the color you’re doing next. the average passerby would think you’re trying to decide which wire to cut so you don’t detonate a bomb with how hard you both scrutinize the packs of color 30 and 350 in front of you (ginger is always your color)

HANGE, marco, mikasa, ONYANKOPON (will give you the dirtiest look if you so much as glance at a cantu product), pieck

the parting – this is the first step of the actual installation process that you involve them in. before they used to sit next to you on the couch as you did it all yourself, committing every movement your fingers made to memory and keeping you company. they would frown as you cursed your lack of ability to see perfectly behind your head and parted the same section over and over again. they wanted to offer help, they really did, they just didn’t trust themselves enough. so when you both started working from home and you didn’t care what your parts looked like, you let them try. it wasn’t perfect the first time, or the second. for about a month, you rock faux locs with a scalp that looks like the drawing on your fridge gifted to you by your 5 year old nephew, but that’s what beanies are for. rough start aside, they pick up on it quickly. they figure out how much gel you really need for your braids to look neat and don’t overdo it. wielding the comb with confidence, they cut through your hair like butter. soon they’re parting your hair into boxes, hearts, arches, diamonds, and whatever else you could imagine like moses did the red sea. “babe do you think it would look good if i make one of them look like my initials?”

ARMIN, eren, levi, ERWIN, ZEKE, historia (got really good really fast… hisu who do you fuck in the city when i’m not there?), bertholdt

the braid down – they’re in awe of the dexterity of your stylist's fingers as she adds pieces of braiding hair to your own and hardly looks down while nimbly braiding all the way to the ends. they sit through all your appointments–locs, press and curls, protein treatments, wig installs–but nothing fascinates them as much as the art of a simple braid. they ask all sorts of questions about what your stylist is doing and even start putting hair on the rack to make the process go smoother. they pay even more attention when you do it yourself because they aren’t worried about distracting anyone from doing their job. before long, they know almost everything there is to know about your braids except for how to do them. and they want to know so badly. the opportunity arises when you both relocate to a new city and all the “stylists” are charging $300+ for smedium mid-back knotless braids. you’d do it yourself, but you broke two fingers during the move-in process and aren’t skilled enough to work around it. you think you need to coach them through the process, but are pleasantly surprised when they get the grip right the first time and are halfway down by the time you’ve picked what movie trilogy you want to watch. turns out they’d been watching youtube videos and taking lessons from your old stylist so they could do it for you one day. at least that’s what they tell you, they really just like popping your head with the comb when you move from where they positioned it. “ow! stop pushing my head around” “keep your head still and i’ll think about it”

LEVI, yelena, YMIR (does the thing where she talks on the phone with it tucked in between her shoulder and her ear while braiding at top speed, like just put it on speaker), onyankopon, mikasa, armin, ANNIE

the finished product – they are NOT here for delayed gratification. they want to see your hair done and they want to see it now. they get more restless than you do and they’re not the one getting their thoughts and dreams braided for 5 hours. like why are they more upset about the infamous last braid that gets split into 4 more than you are? “man what the fuck are you so upset about? this is not your scalp??” it’s nice having them around regardless. whether or not they’re helping with the actual braiding, they’re your biggest supporter. they’ll grab you (and the stylist if you aren’t doing it yourself) mcdonalds, boil the water to seal your ends, oil your scalp, mousse your hair, trim the flyaways, sweep up the stray hair, etc. knowing how tired you are, all the time consuming clean up is their self-allotted duty. but once all of that is done, they get to do what they’ve been waiting for: admire you. without fail, the second you stand up they’re taking pictures from every angle, showering you with compliments (ginger really is your color), peppering your head with kisses, but most importantly, just looking at how beautiful you are. you outdo yourself every time and they tell you as much, even if it embarrasses you. 

HISTORIA, connie, pieck, hange, SASHA, reiner, JEAN (the heart eyes this man has for you…and don’t get me started on the sketches he makes of you with every new style you get. he is SO whipped)

© mamasbakeria 2023. do not repost, translate (without permission), or modify

[dwarf-vader-of-middle-earth]

My mom. Is watching a shitty Hallmark romance movie. Oh my god. The acting. The writing. The plot. I've seen better from middle school production plays!!!!!

There's a princess (short, skinny, blonde hair), who took a year off being princess and worked at a ski resort. There's, coincidentally, a prince (tall, skinny, dark hair), who went on vacation to that same ski resort. Of course, both met by chance, and spoke as American people to hide their identities. Almost all have very bad English accents the rest of the time, because of course, royalty only exists in the UK and nowhere else!

Prince and princess fell in love without knowing each other's true identities, and practiced waltzing. Then, they held a ball under the stars in the snow, and she came inside wearing a gilded ball gown that swayed and was white, and her prince asked her for a dance as the most typical waltzing song was played by the orchestra.

I am just....

It's too corny and cheesey!!!!! It's too straight!!!!!! Too... EVERYTHING!!!!!! I'M SUFFERING TRYING TO SIT HERE WITH MOM!!!!!!

[bonesandthebees]

ello bones hope youre doing good

just found even more cool songs thanks to you, how do you always have more???

also WE COULDVE HAD YOU DOING ASL??? aw man :( (/lh)

anyway, I just turned in my paper that ive been working on for the last few months (yay, finally, it ate like all of my free time and energy) and suddenly I have too much free time and not much too read or watch (I had saved so many fics I cant manage to read anymore)

any coming of age books (or fics) or movies recommendations? (I need me some honey and tangerines vibes yk? ive been listening to the playlist too much again. one day I think ill read that fic again, but today is not the day)

much love to go you all in the ask box, eli <3

I'm doing pretty good! went to a yoga class tonight and I'm seeing the tommyinnit live show tomorrow so it's shaping up to be a pretty great weekend!

I actually filmed a video to post here on language day and everything but I wanted to redo it so my face wasn't fully in frame but then I just didn't get around to it :( oh well next time

OOO congrats on turning in that paper!! that's a huge accomplishment, I hope you get a great grade on it. and yay for free time!

oh boy ok coming of age recs I can do this. I haven't read any coming of age books since I was a teenager though so keep in my my memory of these are all hazy

books:

the perks of being a wallflower by stephen chbosky - hallmarker of the coming of age genre, read this when I was 16 and cried, even if you've seen the movie I highly recommend the book

aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire saenz - literally was one of my favorite books for so many years. I read it when I was 15 and became obsessed with it. I still look back on it so warmly it's just such a great book

it's kind of a funny story by ned vizzini - also read this one when I was like 16ish. I remembered enjoying it but not as much as the other two I've listed here. still very good though!

movies:

cha cha real smooth (2022) - actually one of my favorite coming of age films I've ever seen. it's a coming of age film about a guy in his early 20s instead of in his teens which is refreshing in its own. it hit particularly hard for me because I saw it when I was 22 and freshly graduated from college unsure what to do, the main character is 22 and freshly graduated from college unsure what to do. it's also a very unique setup and I really loved how they pulled it off

the edge of seventeen (2016) - this might be a controversial pick because the main character is actually pretty insufferable in this, but that's part of why I enjoyed it. the character is meant to be insufferable. she's a teenage girl dealing with the hell of being a teenage girl and she sucks! it's an intentional thing and it does it very well! I would say it still falls flat in some areas, but I'm mainly recommending it because it's so refreshing to have an mc genuinely be a shitty person

sing street (2016) - I count this as a coming of age movie but it's also kind of a music movie? it's incredibly fun no matter what. the songs are so catchy, the characters are all great, and the relationships are just all very well done

the kings of summer (2013) - genuinely why do I never hear anyone talk about this movie. I haven't seen it in so long but I remember it being incredibly funny with a great dose of summertime whimsy

hunt for the wilderpeople (2016) - tbh I never thought of this as a coming of age movie and it might be a bit different than most of the films on here but I was looking up lists of coming of age movies to try and remember which ones I've seen and I saw this one mentioned a few times. if you're a fan of taika waititi films, in my opinion this is his best one hands down. it's hilarious but also incredibly sweet and heartwarming at the same time

moonrise kingdom (2012) - very charming and storybook esque in the way all wes anderson films are, but with a really sweet story between two kids at its core. again, different from most of the ones on this list, but definitely an enjoyable one all the same

hope this list helps!

[lackablazeical]

how do they celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays? -querida mia anon

Leo: all day is ENTIRELY centered on that holiday, anniversary, etc. Midnight to midnight, you can expect that to be all he's focused on. If it's a day focused on a person, he's treating them to just about everything under the sun. He loves buying gifts, treating them to going out to like. Movies or food, etc etc. His own birthday isn't a huge deal to him, he just wants to spend all day with the people he loves (but you can bet he uses the 'I'm the birthday boy so we do what I want' excuse all damn DAY) loves loves LOVES valentines day, Christmas, and his brothers birthdays.

Mikey: most of the time he's partying. He's not good with dates, so he's probably forgetting most birthdays and anniversaries. When he does remember, he's probably giving 1 or 2 nice, sentimental gifts. He also is often the one cooking a lot of the big meals for like, Christmas too, and he enjoys it! His fave is Halloween and new years.

Donnie: he doesn't care about holidays and is a bad gift giver, so typically he's just the one being like 'btw, dad, ur and moms anniversary is tomorrow' and watching Splints panic LOL. He mostly just let's his brothers get him stuff and he'll blast Christmas music in October to drive Mikey INSANEEEEEE (Mike is a Halloween truther). Only really enjoys new years, he thinks the fireworks are super cool. Donnie will either be the best or worst gift giver. And he'll get his brothers the same thing they don't want every time lols

Raph: he really likes decorating for holidays, so every single one you can bet he's like. Hiding eggs for Easter or putting up Christmas lights, he goes HARD. Gets very mad if anything is even slightly out of place. He's the only one that'll make cards or gifts by hand, and they are always pretty intricate and fancy. He also really likes getting stuff too <3 loves loves LOVES Easter and Christmas.

April: she's not one for holidays, she likes the food and stuff tho. Loves Halloween and such, she enjoys scaring the children. She also loves shitty horror or hallmark movies, so she binges those. She buys gifts in June and laughs as everyone scrambles for Christmas n stuff

Usagi: he isn't one for holidays either, he doesn't really enjoy decorating or movies. Tho his fave is probably either of the equinoxes!

[pivotalmark]

*twiddles thumbs*

Just finished rw&rb.

It had its moments. I still don’t like Alex’s actor, but Henry’s was fantastic. Uma was a great choice. I wish they’d shown more of Nora and Bea, but I get it — not the point.

All in all, idk, like a 6/10. I did like the 2004 rom com feel but a lot of it was stiff and clunky and awkward. The book definitely made me feel more. Like every emotional line Alex delivered was just … flat. Every joke he said was very Disney Channel vibe. Like I know it’s the same jokes as the book, but his delivery sucked. He also showed very few emotions on his face. Henry looked like a kicked puppy and I felt for him. Alex just. Idk man he’s FLAT. Michael Cimino would have killed this role and I’m so irritated he didn’t get it. Like they had his costar play Nora so I KNOW they knew him.

I wish they’d included the true ending. Missed opportunity.

Why was the green screen so shitty? Amazon, you have money. Jfc.

Some good points, other than Henry? The settings were really nice, when green screen wasn’t involved. I liked the change of keeping Alex’s family together, though I will say it negates his fear of a relationship failing. I think the ‘first time’ scene was really sweet. I’m not sure why this film was rated R other than that scene, and even then? It was very CW smex either way. Like I’ve seen raunchier shit on Riverdale. Some of their chemistry was good (again a lot of it was awkward and forced. Idk if either actor is lgbt and that could have a LOT to do with it.)

Like I said. 6/10. I wanted more. I got choked up 2 times and it was Henry’s doing. I’m disappointed but I don’t expect a lot from Prime. It’s like when Netflix first started making their own stuff — it’s stiff and weird. I know books have more time to build and smaller details and arcs and what not. I know not to expect much of movies. But like … idk. I wanted more than 2004 hallmark. I watched it with my bff who hasn’t read it and when it was over she was just like “cute … okay, goodnight.” Like I’ve seen more reaction from her watching glee so y’all know it was weak.

Final word : WHY IS ALEX SO TALL? He’s supposed to be sHORT. like 6 inches shorter than Henry. NOT SOME BEEFY TALL MAN. Erasure.

[unhingedhearties]

Reddit is Trash

I don’t like Reddit. It is a garbage site. The When Calls The Heart subreddit is barely active (that's why I rarely share anything from there), so I was surprised to see these topics posted. Sadly they had the kind of responses I expected.

I'm not crazy about the phrase "turn her into a lesbian", but I get what they mean. When they introduced Fiona, TPTB probably didn't intend for her to be a lesbian. But that was the old regime and with the new regime, anything is possible.

Lesbians aren't trailblazing go-getters I guess🤷‍♀️

"No while Brian Byrd and Michael Landon Jr have breath in their body."

🤔hmmmm...

(I'm kidding)

"It's kinda refreshing to see a woman who's not chasing love but following their passions/interests, who wants to use her brain and make a career for herself."

Why not both?

(I actually have no problem with these responses, I'm teasing a little :P)

Really not happy to see those downvotes.

The WCTH subreddit is mostly Lucabeth fans. Does this mean I can start insinuating that they're bigots the same way they said people who were happy Elizabeth and Nathan got together were racist against the Chinese?

Lesbians didn't exist back in the 1920's. Everyone knows homosexuality was created in a Russian lab in the 1950's to weaken America during the space race.

BTW, if you believe what Pink Peonies105 said, I have terrible news for you.

Second topic on the subject by Fosh_n_chops (which is a great name)

Leave Reddit and come over here and I promise it will not be an unpopular opinion.

“Every” secular TV show. 

Hallmark had a Christmas movie with two gay male love interests over a year ago but did they ever make another movie like that? With lesbians? Don’t worry, the big bad lesbians aren’t going to be taking over your comfy TV show any time soon.

And if they do, just go to GAC and watch Candice Cameron Bure’s shitty movies. Nothing’s more fun than watching a has-been, bitter 50 year old bigot try to hold on to the made up title of “Queen of Christmas”.

🤦‍♀️One lipstick lesbian isn’t going to turn your show “woke”.

Also apparently there are no Christian homosexuals. Not now and not in the 1920’s.

The discussion then goes off topic into a back and forth about the origins of the word “woke” and religion and how the world totally went to shit when they got rid of the bible, one of the best selling books in the world. Makes sense.

[romantic-reveries]

I really, really hate how this friend brings out the worst in me.

I’m generally the kind of person who is very happy for other people’s happiness and successes, but the strife between us has made it to where I often feel bitter at any of her perceived successes because I don’t feel like she deserves it. Which is SO mean. God, I hate it.

She makes me feel like an insecure, lonely teenager again. She’s often made comments that feel so unnecessarily competitive, though. Last summer, she told me and our other friend (all virgins at the time), that she wanted to be the first to lose it. We were both like “okay, go for it” because neither of us cared (or at least, I certainly didn’t—I was 28 and a virgin in only the most technical sense because of pain, and saw no need to rush.)

Today, she found out that I’m not anymore, (our other friend hasn’t been for months), and one of the first things she says is: “I’m the last one :(“

This, after listening to a monologue on how she doesn’t want to rush into having sex, and she’s never even been sexually attracted to anyone because she’s demisexual and she just wants to be “normal” (she’s 23 and I kept assuring her that these are all very normal feelings and things I felt myself at that age when I still hadn’t ever been involved with anyone in any way at all) and she’s not going to have sex unless she’s on birth control, etc etc. It’s hilarious for her to be so hung up on having it when she doesn’t even actually sound like she wants to.

When I first met the guy I’m seeing, she’d also met someone on a dating app around the same time, and had the gall to say to me (before even actually MEETING this man): “you might have sex before me, but I’ll probably have a boyfriend before you” which just—? She didn’t say it in a catty tone. She truly said it as if she was acknowledging the weather—like it was a neat little observation. But it felt so incredibly mean. Like, that’s an inside thought. I’d already done more physically than her AND had a boyfriend (even if I hardly counted it), which meant she was only counting like, since we’d known each other. And it just felt like “you might have someone who wants to fuck you before me, but I’m gonna have someone actually WANT me before you”, which wasn’t even true because the guy I’m with has wanted me since the jump, sex or no. If I hadn’t dug my heels in about it, he would’ve been my “boyfriend” in a heartbeat, but I have reservations for a myriad of life reasons. And she knew I’d just been involved with a guy in December who I had wanted to be my boyfriend very badly. Regardless, it just felt like a shitty, weird thing to say to someone.

In a similar vein, around the beginning of the year, we watched a movie—some kind of Hallmark-esque Christmas film where the lead girl has an enchanted advent calendar that gives her a boyfriend. I made some kind of joke like “damn, I need one of those” and she agreed she did too, and then goes: “wait, no! You’ve been involved with someone more recently than me! It’s my turn!” And like, maybe it was supposed to be funny, but why, even as a joke, are you acting like we can’t both have and both deserve someone? As if we can’t both be in a relationship at the same time or something? It’s “her turn”—as if I had to wait for her turn to have mine again? Not to mention, my “turns” had hardly amounted to anything at all, and I’m older than her and have waited longer for it. She could’ve left the joke at “haha me too” and called it a day.

Instead of finding common ground in these moments, she wants to make it divisive, and I don’t get why. It could’ve been like “oh, isn’t it so cool that we both met someone at the same time?” or “haha yeah, I hope we both meet someone soon!”—having her be needlessly cutting and competitive in those ways has made me less than charitable toward her.

And then there are nights like tonight—I’ve had to hear about how Wednesday is “our” night to spend together, and how she doesn’t see me much anymore and doesn’t feel “like a priority”. And every week, I have to hear about how she doesn’t want to go to Singo. She can’t wait to get home and read. She’ll read AT Singo, on her phone. Tonight, she brought an honest-to-God book. To a BAR.

How in the fuck are we supposed to visit while we play a game where there’s loud music AND you’re reading? And on top of it, she got all buddied up with a girl sitting on her other side at the bar, and I couldn’t hear the conversation, so I couldn’t be in on it, obviously. She’s cutting up and having a great time with her, and occasionally checking in with me. And THEN, some other girl comes up to talk to her after seeing her book and they chit chatted and exchanged numbers.

And lord help me, I am a horrible person. Because I’ve been hoping to make new friends considering her friendship usually just makes me feel bad, but every girl I’ve met lately is in their early twenties like her, and I’ve had enough issues with her emotional immaturity. I’d like to make friends my own age. So how come it just falls in her lap and not mine? It made me so irrationally angry. I think some of that is period hormones, but they don’t usually do me quite like that.

It’s like, fundamentally, we have a lot of interests and feelings and experiences in common. But she’s mean-spirited, and selfish, and bossy, and demanding. She thinks the world should revolve around her and she should be catered to. She’s so contrarian and hypocritical and condescending, and she still has that teenage fixation on how she’s so ~different~ from everyone else. She’s weirdly rigid—I offered to help her clean her previous apartment when she was moving out, and she wanted to instruct me on how to clean it—my space is literally always cleaner than hers. My standard of HYGIENE is higher than hers. She doesn’t even brush her teeth or shower daily, apparently???

We made plans to go out to eat recently and then watch a movie at her place, and I asked where she wanted to eat, and she spieled off something about her side of town vs. my side of town, but since she was going to Michael’s after work, we could go wherever, maybe I should pick a place between both of us (for context, we live less than ten minutes apart. I work right next to Michael’s, close to where she lives, and she works closer to where I live, but again: probably like a 6-8 minute drive). I would’ve literally driven us the next town over. I don’t care. She always says how she wants to do more things, fun things, but in reality she doesn’t want to stray from her like, 3 mile radius and her little routines.

She wants to invite me to her house after work often and not offer food. If I invite her over, I make sure there are things to eat, whether that’s snacks or a meal. She once invited me after work and was like “you don’t have to stay long, I know you’ll be hungry” and I showed up and she was eating her dinner. She grew up in poverty and has food insecurity, and I get that, but like—you can’t be for real. Inviting someone to your house because you want their company, knowing they haven’t eaten in hours, and eating in FRONT of them? To her credit, she did offer a piece of brownie, but then—in her own words—gave me the little piece of the two she cut.

And she lies—about the WEIRDEST stuff. Maybe not even lies so much as makes excuses, but like, once recently she came to my house for dinner and left like RIGHT after, because it was 6:30 and “getting dark soon.” She hates driving at night (she hates driving at all but). For the record, it’s summer and doesn’t get dark until like 9. Even my grandma thought it was rude and called her out and then she goes “well, my cat doesn’t like being alone during thunderstorms”—it wasn’t even raining. It’s cool if you just wanna be home, but please. If you’re gonna make excuses, be better at it.

She made a massive deal about how I slept in the car on our way home from the Taylor Swift concert. HER fault. She’d planned for us to stay with a friend of hers (a term I use loosely because she doesn’t like this girl at all—thinks she’s super catty and bitchy), and at last minute decides she simply cannot stay there, and we leave at fucking four in the morning. I’m so exhausted I physically cannot keep my eyes open even though I fight like hell to. She wakes me up close to my house and is like “when we get to your house, you gotta get your stuff and go”—as if I don’t want to get out and go to bed?

Later, I confronted her about it (among other things) and she says how I just don’t understand how bad her driving anxiety is (me, who literally wasn’t driving until a few months ago and her, who when I tried to use it as a point of common ground early in our friendship, insisted she didn’t have issues with it) and it’s so bad she can’t sleep in the car when someone else is driving, how she ALWAYS stays awake on trips to help keep the driver awake, and how I literally fell over on her arm (ACROSS THE CONSOLE?) and she couldn’t move me because she had her hands on the wheel.

I’ve slept in the car a LOT in my life, and never once have I leaned across the whole ass console. I either sit up straight with my neck lolling everywhere (most common) or end up with my head against the door. There’s just zero way that happened and I didn’t feel it, no matter how tired I was.

Anyway, a few weeks later, her and her mom take a trip out of state, and they’re talking on the phone after she gets back. Her mom is giving her shit for sleeping for the whole car ride and she’s like “I wasn’t driving! What did you expect?” Oh… so you do sleep in the car, then. And by the way, her mom is the scariest driver I’ve ever ridden with. So cars are sooo scary that you can’t sleep in them, except with your mom, who is the worst driver I’ve ever met. The math isn’t mathing here.

AND THEN—she’d made sure to let me know how much it stressed her out for me to confront her about how I’d been feeling (because we texted over the period of a work day about it) and how I should’ve “spoken up sooner”, and then recently, in light of our other friend getting a boyfriend and dropping off the face of the planet, I wanted to make sure she wasn’t feeling neglected now that I’m seeing someone, and she said she didn’t, but she also didn’t feel prioritized. Which is not what I asked. We’re friends, and we both work full time. We have standing once a week plans. And when I asked her what she meant, she said something about how anytime she brings something up with me that’s about me and not her, I make it about her and not me, and how she didn’t want to elaborate on that. That we were fine as far as she was concerned, and we’d eventually talk about it. So she couldn’t handle one DAY of me trying to phrase things tactfully, but has this hanging over my head like a guillotine for weeks. And it’s even funnier because she said “when she brings something up” except she never has. The conversation I brought to her is the ONLY one we’ve ever had in that vein. So for her to imply that I like, shift blame and don’t take accountability was so immensely shitty and not even true.

If I were a pettier person, I would call her out on her bullshit as these things happen. This is a short list of a litany. Or I would say mean things back—like how not only did I have sex first, but I also fell in love first. But I don’t.

I’ve considered not being her friend multiple times. Since we’ve become friends, she’s continually made me feel left out, confused, and like a petty little baby because it triggers feelings I haven’t felt since I was a literal child. She reminds me of my dad. He’s the only other person I’ve ever struggled THIS hard to just get along with. And sometimes, she’s great, and I wonder how there’s even an issue.

But I think it boils down to that—if I cut two pieces of something, I will always, without thought, give the larger serving to the other person. She very intentionally gave me the smaller one, knowing I was hungry, and I think that speaks to who we are as people. And I understand that experiences shape who we are, and I see from her family dynamic where a lot of her behavior comes from, but the reality is, I am a giver, and she is a taker, and the balance there just doesn’t work. It’s tedious and exhausting, and what good is being friends with someone when it stresses you out more than it ever feels good?

It doesn’t make me feel supported or cared for or loved. It makes me feel alienated and unchosen and used. One day, I will learn how to navigate things like this better.

I don’t know why I struggle so much with the idea that I can have good friends. This time last year, I had only JUST met the ones I have now. And I had no romantic prospects at all. Things can happen quickly when they do. I just need to allow myself to believe in them.

[theintrovertsreturn]

RWRB Thoughts (as I watch)

Where's June??

What about the party at the bar and the silk robes?

I was really expecting Alex's dad to look a bit more brown, with like long hair and a cowboy hat...

Aren't Alex's parents supposed to be divorced, or is this Leo? Nope it's Oscar, I'm confused.

Where's Rafael? Did he get replaced with this reporter guy?

This movie is so funny and I keep squealing over cute parts but at the same time it feels more shitty Hallmark romance than (queer) coming of (adult) age.

I feel like the movie is so focused on our boys that they forgot the girls had lives and personalities in the book and were't simply sidelined characters. It kinda sucks that their friend group was one of my favorite parts and its so nonexistent : /

It's fine because it's a two hour movie and there's only so much they can fit and I honestly expect this but it also sucks...

Fuck reporter guy.

For some reason I thought Alex didn't address the public until after he and Henry talked.

Though I remember his book speech being better than this?

I also completely forgot their traded his Queen Grandmother for a King Grandfather so I've been so confused about the lack of mention of the Queen.

Ugh and I forgot there's no ex for Alex and henry to borrow bikes from at the end.

I don't know, it's good but some of the charm just isn't there for me?

Makes me want to reread the book though and spend money on the pretty blue version so I guess it did its job.

[demontouched]

i can't write christmas fics because it reminds me that i no longer experience the magic of waking up early because you are excited, rushing through breakfast to open presents in your pajamas, yelling and smiling and laughing with your family, watching shitty hallmark movies that all have the same plot, drinking hot cocoa with marshmallows before you go out to play in the snow, staying up late fiddling with new toys and reading new books and playing new games. i don't get that anymore. i have moved from childhood wonder to parental responsibility. when my baby is old enough, it will be my job to make him that kind of happy. i will cry when that time comes. i hope he will think they are happy tears.

[signalwatch]

Hallmark Holiday Watch: Lucky Christmas (2011)

Watched:  12/10/2022

Format:  Peacock (apparently now carrying old Hallmark movies...)

Viewing:  First

Director:  Gary Yates

So, did I watch this 11-year-old, largely forgotten Hallmark movie because it stars Elizabeth Berkely, she of Jessie Spano of Saved by the Bell fame?  

Buddy, you know I did.  

Let's get to it. 

Is the movie good?  No.  

Is it Berkley's fault?  In no way.  She's doing what she can here.

Oh, Jessie Spano.  Continue to lecture me on global warming or whatever.

For a Hallmark film, this thing is wildly convoluted, depressing in many ways, and features two of my least favorite tropes when it comes to character.  But it's also one of those movies where coincidence plays a factor in an un-fun way.

The basic plot:  Berkley is a would-be chef and single mother who rents a room in a nice house somewhere in the greater Detroit/ Ann Arbor area.  She seems to have been a private chef who just was let go.  At Christmas.  But she has dreams of (gestures generally at food.  It changes 3-4 times in the movie).  Somehow she can't find work in a kitchen, which...  I don't believe it.  And seems to apply for hostess jobs?  She is 35 if she's a day  Like - I don't know shit, but I know that seating people is not the same as catering and cooking work.  I don't think the people who made this bothered to talk to anyone in food.

Berkley plays the same lotto numbers every week, and then kisses the tickets.  This time, she wins!  But between buying the ticket and winning, her car is stolen by the worst character to ever grace one of these movies, and that is not easy.  

You see, our love interest is a guy named "Mike" and his friend "Joe" sux.  Sucky Joe is living on Mike's sofa because his girlfriend just booted him, and we can *immediately* empathize with the unseen, unnamed girlfriend.  

I'm not sure if the movie thought Joe was cute or funny or what.  But - as I mentioned - this movie contains a trope I hate.  And it's having a friend to our sympathetic lead who is just an absolute piece of shit.  Sometimes that friend is dumb.  Sometimes they're a criminal.  It's too enable the movie to have a catalyst for bad behavior but not put the blame on the hero.  The *problem* is that the hero then just seems like a doormat enabler who can't find a spine for 2/3rds of the movie until someone like Sucky Joe finally does something so shitty Mike here has to cut him off (in the right movie, Joe dies badly).  But Sucky Joes are often redeemed by some clumsy but kind act so we see they had a bit of growth or character arc, and we're supposed to forgive them for their dipshittery.  

I hate this.  I hate it so much.  I've turned off so many movies that relied on this trope.  And had Elizabeth Berkley and her giant eyes not been in this movie, there is no world in which I would have soldiered on otherwise.

Anyway, Sucky Joe finds Berkley's keys where she dropped them and - fully intoxicated - takes her car, piles in an unwitting Mike and drives he and Mike home.  (RED FLAG RED FLAG!  Dump him, Mike.) 

Berkley learns she has won a million bucks, can *prove it* and tells the press, and Joe finds the ticket and assumes he'll walk into the lottery commission and not get arrested for stealing the car and fraud. 

Joe just sucks so bad.  And Mike isn't much better.

   shut up, Mike.  You are not worthy of Ms. Berkley and her cool million.

The second trope (or whatever) is that Mike basically stalks Elizabeth Berkley to try to figure out what to do and lies his ass off for a 2/3rds of the movie, all but bedding Berkley under false pretenses.  It's...  such a gross and morally bankrupt meet cute.  If your friend told you that they'd been dating someone for a while and just found out the person had lied about something huge, and it was part of how they'd met the guy - you would be advising them to get out of the relationship.  Massive, flapping red flag.    

Somehow we're supposed to root for Berkley and Mike to get together, but... no.  I don't care that he's a nice guy who wants to build eco-friendly housing.  You either come clean at the outset or you lose.  It doesn't even matter that you wanted her to have the million if you don't come clean. None of this is cute.  It's gaslighting and disturbing (flap flap).

The million bucks would clearly fix a ton for Berkley, and so there's absolutely tension there.  It's just weird the movie decided that the guy doesn't just slip her an envelope any of a 100 different ways.

She does have a son, and there's a *lot* about him "missing" his dad, but we're also told his dad scooted when he was a baby, so I'm not sure what he's missing.  Maybe imagining having a dad, but it seems like Berkley literally shares a room with a kid she can't have a conversation with and... it's dumb.  It's bad writing.

Moving on:   somehow Berkley's son, who is maybe 10 in this film and acts like he's 8, has the voice of a two pack a day smoker.  He's a fine kid actor, but it's WEIRD to hear this kid talking about his superhero toys with a deep baritone.  

We make fun of how bland the dudes are in Hallmark films, but for some reason on this one they went for an *actor*, and Jason Gray-Stanford is a decent actor.  He's got a truckload of credits on imdb, you've seen him before in at least 7 things.  But he's also a weird pairing with Berkley.  He's not the usual handsome leading man, but that's okay.  IF HE WEREN'T LYING NONSTOP.

It's possible this movie, minus Elizabeth Berkley, isn't very good.  But it's also the first writing effort by the screenwriter.  The director did a bunch before and after so blame that guy, I guess.  

Anyway.  Here's to Jessie Spano in a Hallmark movie.  

https://ift.tt/AEvVcG4

from The Signal Watch https://ift.tt/TW6bE1i

[0verthinking1t]

The many layers of learning to respect my own boundaries

As a society, we are very well aware of that epiphany of mental health clarity that happens both in real life, and in the media we love. It's the inspiring, falling-action power move in every Hallmark movie, where the unlucky doormat protagonist finally turns around and says to their boss from hell, "you know what? You're right, I don't belong here. I belong somewhere 10 times better! I quit, and also, you're a massive dickwad 😜". What we're less aware of, and where the truly hard and exhausting work to get better and feel better comes in, is after that moment where it happens again to their family life, and again to their social life, and again to the mirror when they regret the shitty impulse decisions they keep repeating every single time. I am incredible at standing up to bosses; I will be working only the documented scheduled hours agreed upon in my employment contract, and also in adherence to this contract I do not accept responsibility for anything outside of this schedule. If an incident occurred after my scheduled shift ended and I had already left, and management failed to coordinate coverage for that time, i am legally not at fault for that incident, and it's against federal labor law to punish me for it. I am very confident asserting myself in partner relationships; yes, I love you, and that love means respect—I respect you enough to treat you in a healthy way, the way I want to be treated, and I also respect myself enough to demand that respect from you in return, end of story. I thought I was the fucking master at boundaries, but as it turns out, I still have so much more to learn 😅 so now I present to you todays lesson, told through yet another confusingly metaphorical conversation: revoking the privilege to overstep my boundaries from a friend I didn't realize I was letting do it.

D: Aaayyyy door guard, my long time buddy! I'm here for today's "watch anime and order pizza" shift. Unlock the door for me 😀

Me: aaayyyy I know, Dude, I'm super psyched you're here! Yea, come on in, just tap your badge 😛

D: maaan, it's me, bro, I come here every day. I've been in the system for like, 5 years, you know I have clearance. Just unlock it, my badge is in the car.

Me: yea, I do see you every day, and you tell me the same thing and ask me to let you in every day. Central command has been hardcore cracking down on folks for doing that and I kinda like getting to see people come in this door, sooooo I kinda have to start being that guy, ya know? 😅 I don't like it either, but them's the rules.

D: aaaw what??? Man that's so fucked up of central. I'm sorry they're doing that my guy. Shit, that sucks, I know you like hanging out here with us.

Me: yep. I sure do. 😐 ............ So I need you to go get your badge.

D: but my car is 10 minutes away, I'll be late for the thing and get in trouble.

Me: 🤷‍♂️ I hear you. I mean, I'll call central comms and bullshit you some coverage if you wanna go back for it. But like.... The reports and timing and shit for that is already a ton of extra work I'd be going out of my way to do for you. I'd appreciate it if you do me the solid in return, of getting your badge so that I don't get in trouble.

D: but why tho?? You let me do it yesterday!

Me: I did, and Central emailed me afterward saying that they had noticed me break the rules and were warning me they could shut down this door altogether if I do it again. You want to keep coming here, right?

D: what?! Dis bullshit!

Me: I know

D: they're being so mean!

Me: I know!

D: so what are folks supposed to do now? And how long did they say this is going to last??

Me: it's .... It's a rule, Dude. It's permanent. Has been the whole time, technically. Look, if you just bring your badge every time from now on, you won't even notice.

D: oh, well fuck you too, friend. I thought you were cool. This whole central command thing is a bullshit excuse to say you don't think I'm good enough to get in any more.

Me: ???? No. I literally, am just trying to do things right for once. Look, I'm on your side Dude, but I can't use the unlock button any more. I have to take care of myself here too.

D: I can't believe this. My own friend of 5 years, treating me like some sketchy criminal. *Sigh* I understand you're just doing your job, and I don't want to cause you to lose this door, but like really?

Me: I know you do, and I also think it's stupid and want you to just go ahead and hang out already, but my life can't be all you or all the door.

D: man, I said I'm sorry, I don't know what else you want me to do. Just let me in today and I'll bring it tomorrow 😠

Me: no means no, Dude. And if I say no today, I mean no today. Look, forget it Dude— I really need to focus up on this task while I guard this door, so.

D: fine. But I'm going to walk in now —..... 30 minutes after I was supposed to be there!

Me: yep. I guess you are. I wish it were my problem to help you with Dude.

D: wow, ok. Fine, I guess I'll just turn back and miss out on the whole thing then. Way to go, door guard, you fucking ruined the day.

Me: I want you to. I'm begging you to. Please just follow this ONE rule so we can be friends again. Do it for me...... *Sigh* aaaaand they're gone 😓😓😓