#i wasnt going to make that comment thats why i used they pronouns before but nah its a he

[thecherrygod]

I basically just had a dream of being back in highschool and i was crying by the end. This is new to me. I haven't been in hs in 6 years

[technowoah]

if you're taking asks for the prompts, can you do 11 and 17 from the angst list with george but have a fluffy ending? she/her pronouns pls

I Can Make It Right

SHSJS I HAVE SO MUCH ANGST IN MY INBOX YALL!

Thanks for the request babe! The way it came out was gender neutral i dont think I user she/her, but it still works trust me!

George x reader imagine (established)

11) "It's not important apparently"

17) "You already made me feel like shit so might as well finish me off"

⚠︎ angst with happy ending, unresolved issue but they're gonna fix it dont worry 😌, angry George, swearing

*** = flashback

Masterlist

You had stood infront of your bathroom mirror finishing up your makeup for the night. Your hair was already done and you had a nice outfit on, not to fancy and not too comfortable. While listening to a playlist George had made for you, you had put down the brushes you were using. It didnt really matter if you cleaned up your makeup that was littered all over the sink right now, but right now you were feeling good.

Today was your and George's 3rd year anniversary and you couldn't be happier about it. Today you two were going to dinner and doing something else which was supposed to be a surprise for you. It was a night on the town.

George and you met 4 years ago actually. You two started out as acquaintances, the slowly grew into friends and then one day he asked you to join him to dinner. At first you were oblivious to his actions, thinking he was just being a good friend, but turns out the more dates you two went on the more you caught on. He officially asked you to be his girlfriend 3 years ago today.

His friends keep on pressuring George to propose already, they think it's been long enough. The only thing close to marriage is a promise ring. He put the ring on your finger as a promise that one day he would marry you, everytime you doubt that he will propose you turn your attention to the cute ring on your finger.

You had turned off the bedroom lights and sat on your bed finally relaxing after struggling to find a decent enough outfit for tonight. George said that he was going to pick you up around 6:00 and now it is 5:47 so you had some time to spare.

You had found yourself scrolling through tiktok because you had nothing else better to do at this moment. It was a guilty pleasure of yours even though you and george both joked around about hating tiktok.

Time began to tick away so you had checked the clock on your phone which said 5:57 pm. You had grabbed shoes that you set up against your bed, slipped them on and grabbed all of your belongings for the night. You stationed yourself in the living room waiting till George came to the door.

Nervousness always came up before a date, it was the anticipation actually. You were excited and nervous about the date as you always were, but today for you was special. It was three years worth of beautiful love. You remembered the time he first said I love you too, it was just like it was yesterday.

***

"Hey y/n." George looked towards you. You both were sitting on a plaid, plush blanket with a brown woven basket ontop in between you two. It was just like the movies and that why you cringed because of how cheesy it was when George led you to it.

It was sweet, it was extremely sweet and you loved these dates that George always brung you too. You always felt special when you are sitting next to him.

You responded to George. "Yeah Gogy?" You laughed at the use of his nickname.

"Im trying to be serious right now and you call me Gogy." George smiled and shook his head. "Anyways, you know I love you, right?"

"Of course I do-"

"No I love you. I mean. I'm in love with you." George reached to rest his hand ontop of yours and repeated himself. "I'm in live with you y/n."

You wasted no time answering. "Im in love with you too."

***

6:03

George didnt show up yet, but there was no sweat. He was only 3 minutes late, maybe he ran into traffick. Your stomach was rumbling, but you didnt want to eat yet since you two we're planning to go to dinner. Patience is key, and it wasnt like he wasn't late before.

6:10

You started to get worried, it's been 10 minutes and still no sign of your boyfriend. You had gotton up several times to check outside of your door only to be met with no one. Your mind was jumping to conclusions about if he forgot your anniversary, but you shut those thoughts out for the time being.

6:19

Okay this is getting out of hand. You brung out our phone and began to text George, you couldn't believe that you had waited this long before texting the man.

Where are you? Ive been waiting for 29 minutes?!

[Sent: 6:20pm]

George what are you doing?

[Sent: 6:20pm]

You awaited his text message with your phone faced up on the coffee table infront of you. You didn't want to believe that George woukd forget, or overslept, but that was becoming truth the more minutes passed by with no call or text.

6:30

Calling him was useless, because he didn't answer. He didn't hang up on you he just wasn't picking up the phone, like he turned it off. You started to get worried if something happened to him, if he was in a situation where he couldn't call or text you. You wondered if he was safe at home and not out in the middle of the street.

In a flash all your worries subsided when your phone lit up with a notification.

ThisIsNotGeorgeNotFound is live:

Im Playing golf with my friends

That son of a bitch. Pissed off was an understatement, you were fuming. How could he end up streaming at home when you had constantly reminded him about this day, he knew damn well about this day too. How could he?

You ended up grabbing a jacket and your purse and ended up driving to George's place. It seemed like he was mocking you in a way, he knew you had notifications on for Twitch. You loved to support him and his career, but this was making a fool out of yourself.

Your hand tightly gripped the steering wheel as you tried not to run every red light you cane across. You finally came across George's home, you found a place to park and quickly got out of your car and sped walked your way to George's residence. Finally making up to George's door you knocked harshly on the door probably making more noise than what you intended too. You continuously banged on his door until you got fed up.

Remembering that George had given you a key to his house you dig through your purse to get your set of keys out anr unlock his door. You stomped inside his house and closed the door behind you.

"GEORGE! GEORGE!" You yelled through the house. You were being reckless and annoying, but you didnt care at this point you were fuming and needed to tell George how you feel.

You had made your way to George's recording room where he was talking to his friends on discord. George looked towards you in shock clearly not hearing the sounds you were making throughout his house.

"Y/N?!" George yelled and muted his microphone.

"What the hell are you doing?" You exclaimed back.

"Im streaming thats what Im doing!" George sassed back at you, not paying attention to his screen and the chat.

"Dont get smart with me. End the stream."

"What?! No!"

"You heard me, we need to talk." You crossed your arms across your chest. Your heart was beating too fast for your liking and you tried to calm yourself down, but George's comments were getting to you.

George was about to unmute himself and get back to the game. "No we dont-"

"GEORGE END THE FUCKING STREAM! This is embarrassing! Talk to me cause you have some explaining to do." You snapped at him.

A silence tell upon you two and he glared at you before turning to his stream and closing it out.

"Okay guys! Go watch the other boys streams I need to go now! Bye!" George quickly ended and turned off everything.

He turned around to you still sitting in his chair. "What? What do you want?"

"Do you know what today is?" You asked.

"April 30th." George answered bluntly.

"Thats all you have to say?" You asked in shock. "It's our anniversary dickhead!"

"I fucking know that." George said.

"You do? So why did you start streaming and we had dinner plans?!"

"I told you we were streaming! You weren't listening to me!" George stood up from his chair when he said that.

"When the fuck did you tell me this?!"

"A couple days ago! You didn't listen!"

"But you knew that was our anniversary! And we made dinnerr plans-"

George yelled over you. "A month ago! We made those plans a month ago so excuse me for forgetting!"

"So all these other years you remembered our anniversary and went out of your fucking way to cancel other plans around that date, but today you didnt because why?!" Tears were threatening to fall down you cheeks, but you wouldnt let him see you like that.

"Because I planned this already with the boys! And AGAIN you werent listening to me when I said that-"

"There were several other times that you could've told me too! But you didn't!" You sniffed trying to keep the frustrated tears inside.

"I already planned this and I cant go back on my promise-"

"But you can with me?!" You yelled and George stopped talking. He's just studying your face at this point and you hated this silence.

"Its not important apparently." You said while walking out of the recording room.

"You're being a bitch." He mumbled.

"Excuse me?! That is so disrespectful!" You spun around yelled at him.

"You already made me feel like shit so might as well finish me off." George said in a annoying tone.

"Yeah you should feel like shit! I feel like shit too so-!" You threw your hands up in exasperation and stormed out the room. You had made it to the door before George called out to you again.

"Y/n! Y/n! Please!"

"No! Just..." You paused before opening the door and ushering your way out. "Call me when you get your shit together.

You were currently curled up on your couch eating leftovers that you had in the refrigerator. That had satisfied your hunger for the night because the dinner was canceled that night. Your anger and sadness had subsided and you were only left with an unusual feeling in your heart. Your relationship felt incomplete, this fight felt incomplete. You didnt break up with him, but you were waiting for closure.

The TV was the only light in the room. It illuminated what it wanted to, you didnt care if it was too dark. Usually you would be cuddled up with George at this ungoldy hour, but you weren't and that made you tear up.

Your sadness was still there, your anger towards George turned into pity. You were sad about the actions he took, but somewhere in your heart you could forgive him. You could forgive and move on if he would come to you.

Speaking of, you had a knock on your door. You didn't have the strength to get up, but you did. Shuffling your way to the door you sluggishly opened it to find George standing there with his hands in his hoodie. The person you wanted to see, but at the same time you wanted to slam that door in his face.

"Hey." George spoke and you gave him a small smile, nothing more.

You turned around to find your seat back on the couch where you were comfortable, but also giving him a silent invitation to come inside. You had sat down on the couch not paying attention to George, but you knew he closed the door, took off his shoes by yours, and put his keys on the table by the door like he always did. It was like a routine to him.

George ended up awkwardly standing beside the couch as you ignored him.

"You know, if you didnt open the door I would've used my keys like you did." George tried to spark up a conversation, but you only hummed in response. You were scared that if you spoke, you would cry.

George ended up making his way to the couch sitting beside you and pulling you into his embrace. Your head was on his chest and you began to sob. You missed this it's only been a few hours, but you had felt that in those few hours you had lost everything. You continued to sob into his hoodie as he rubbed your back and shushed you, whispering sweet nothings into the air only for you to hear.

"Im here, and Im sorry. Im so fucking sorry that I did this to you and I only hope that you can forgive me." George said, his voice cracking a little when he said that. You kept crying.

That's what you wanted to hear all along, that's what you needed. You could forgive him in due time, you always will because you love him, you will always love him. You both can always make it right.

[virtual-luvr]

Hey Boy!

Pairing: Reki x Reader

Pronouns: he/him

Content: flirty (?) Reader, you're Miya's older brother,

Description: Reki had no idea why he wanted to know who you were, but he's glad he got to meet you.

Note: I JUST FINISHED SK8 THE INFINITY(atleast up until episode 8, I cant wait for ep.9 omggg) AND IM SUCH A BIG REKI KINNIE OMFG.

------------------

Miya sat with Langa and Reki. The three boys talking about the mext beef and how else to improve, Miya sprinkling small comments through out the whole conversation. Careful to not actually hurt the ither two boys but also keep them in check.

They sat comftorable talking together until a voice comes up behind them, "Miya, we have to get going".

Miya looks back, shocked to see his brother there, not expecting you to be here so early. Usually you wouldn't pick him up since he didnt like you too, but you decided to surprise him this time. Im sure he wouldn't mind if you bribed him with some food.

"Huh? ...mm fine, give me a second"

Miya quickly grabs his stuff before starting to walk towards you, looking back and giving the red haired and blue haired boys a goodbye.

Both Langa and Reki sat there confused, they had never seen you around. So to see you just casually picking Miya up wasnt something they ever expected.

You peeked their interest, especially Reki's, so he was determined to find out who you were.

---------

Reki ran through S, hoping to catch up with the others and look for Miya. He hoped Miya would actually answer him instead of ignoring any question he made about you.

He ran faster when he caught a glimpse of your brothers neon green hoodie.

"Miya Miya Miya!!"

The people around looked at Reki as if he were crazy, why in the hell is this high schooler yelling for a middle school cat boy.

"What do you want?"

"Who was that guy that oicked you up yesterday?" Reki seemed like he had stars in his eye, for some reason he really wanted to get to know you. Not even Reki knew why he wanted to know more about you.

"Why do you want to know about my brother?" Miya says with a scoff, visibly confused as to why Reki of all people wanted to know more about you.

Langa, who was right beside Miya and Reki, gasped. Both Reki and Langa looked at eachother with wide eyes.

"YOU HAVE A BROTHER??"

The two boys scream out, everyone in a 5 mile radius defenetly heard them. They could probably get the cops attention with how loud they yelled.

Everyone around them hushed the two boys, both of them now looking at Miya as if he were the crazy one.

"Yes I have a brother, now what the hell do you want to know about him? You guys are weird"

Reki grabs Miya by the shoulders before viciously moving him back and forth, even more exicted then he was before.

"Why didnt you tell us? Why havent we meet this guy before? Where is he right now? Does he skate as well?"

Reki had millions and millions of questions, while Langa just wanted to know if he could do a beef with you. Certainly Miya must have learnt skating from someone else, maybe that someone was you.

Miya yelps as he gets thrown around in front of everyone. He grabs his skateboard before hitting Reki in the chest, effectively making Reki lose his grip on Miya's shoulders and Miya finally being able to move around freely.

"Idiot stop asking so many questions! If you really wanna know about my brother just ask one question at a time...god"

"Okay okay" Reki says and then takes a deep breath, "is he here?"

"He-"

Before Miya can respond Reki hears a shout from behind him.

"Hey boy!"

As Reki looks back he spots the one and only boy who he was seemingly obsessed with, atleast in Miya's eyes it seemes that way.

Reki had a big smile and he sees you skate towards him, looking incredibly cooler then he could ever be, or atleast thats what he thought.

You stand in front of him with a smile, extending your hand for him to shake.

"Heard you were talking about me?"

At that, Reki blushes. His face now comoletelt red, noticing that he indeed was talking about you. It embarrased him more then he wished it did, he didn't want you thinking he was obssesed with you or something if he hasnt even talked to you once.

You chuckle at his expression, placing your hand on his shoulder before starting to talk to him again.

"Dont worry about it, i dont mind"

Reki lets out a big sigh at what you said, thankful you didnt think of him in a bad way.

The moment you shared gets broken as both Miya and Langa look from behind Reki's shoulder, directly at you.

You quirk a brow as Miya glares at you and Langa just stares in awe.

"Did i do something?" You say before Langa jumps up and starts speaking.

"We should beef!"

At that, Reki and Miya pale up. Miya now worried you would beat Langa's ass, and Reki worried he wouldnt be able to spend some more time with you.

You let out a laugh at Langa's words, excitment couarsing through you now. It had certainly been some time since you've beefed with anyone.

"Is that so? I guess we can arrange something"

At that, Langa is now satisfied. He gives you a quick thank you before running over to Joe and Cherry to talk about how he could improve. He knew it wouldn't be easy to beat you, you were Miya's older brother after all.

Skill runs in the family.

While Langa ran off, so did Miya. Groaning about how he couldn't stomach looking at you and Reki talk, saying something about how you would probably start flirting with him sooner enough.

Reki ignores him as he keeps on talking to you, not noticing the relaxed face and posture you had on while talking to him. He didnt know in that moment, but you usually weren't like that. At least not with people you had just met.

The conversation rolled on smoothly, its almost as if you guys had met before. No one would have guessed you guys weren't friends already.

Soon enough it became very late and everyone had to say their goodbyes, Reki was sad that he would probably not be able to see you for a few days since you studied at another school.

You notice his expression and decide to give him your phone number, he immediatly lit up again. Its as if you were staying at the sun in the middle of the night.

You didn't mind it at all.

You ruffle up his already messy hair before grabbing your skateboard and walking off with Miya, not forgetting to say some last words before leaving.

"See you later cutie, text me!"

[1186 words; mar/1/21]

[jazajas]

okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

[ma-lark-ey]

Nick Close had never been a very fantastic child. That much was very obvious. Granted, most of the dumb and illegal shit they did was for their fathers attention (however rarely that option actually worked), but it was still dumb and illegal shit.

Tonight was not one of those dumb and illegal nights, however; tonight was still a night Glenn Close could never find out about. Nick prayed he'd never find out about.

Nick had always been closed off from their father. How couldn't they be? When they were little, it was always Nick and Momma at home, while Daddy was on tour or doing shows. Glenn only started being home once in awhile when Mom died. And yes, Nick calls him Glenn. Glenn was never... He was never 'Dad.'

And this, this was certainly one of the things Nick kept tightly closed off from their father. That thing being one of the biggest secrets Nick may ever keep; their gender.

Nick didn't *mind* to be a 'he,' don't get them wrong. Some days, they really enjoyed being a 'he.' But today? Today... Nick was a she. And she couldn't deny that. Some days she felt so fucking confident in her body, like she could throw on a baggy t-shirt and slightly too-big pants with a beanie and fight god. Others, her body felt like someone else's and she wanted to rip her skin off and start over. Dress like those beautiful alternative women she saw on TikTok. With the demonias, fishnets, skirts, ripped up shirts, messy hair. God, some days she didn't know if she wanted to be them, or be with them.

Tonight, she definitely wanted to be them.

She had done up her makeup in the most extravagant way she knew how, eyeliner to the gods. Fishnets under a faux-leather, checkered print pencil skirt she found thrifting with Grant a few days ago. She had one a torn up old t-shirt she'd cut into a croptop and not to mention her Docs. She felt like she could fight god with her chain belts and dramatic jewelry.

Nick knows Glenn would never care if he knew his 'son' sometimes felt more like his daughter, but she wasn't ready to give him that kind of trust. Grant? Grant got that kind of trust. Henry got that kind of trust. The twins got that kind of trust. But not Glenn. Glenn hasn't proved he'd deserved that yet.

And maybe Nick didn't want to take the time to explain why Grant sometimes called her Nickie beyond "Its just a nickname, Glenn."

And she was okay with that. She knew that she wasn't ready. Maybe she'd never be 'ready,' and Glenn wasnt in her life enough for it to matter.

...

Why'd the front door just open? Why is Nick hearing a car lock? Why is the front door opening? Glenn's not supposed to be home from tour until tomorrow. And here Nick is, in the living room. Looking like a pretty well passing woman. She had learned plenty of tricks over her last two years of presenting feminine some days. The lanky, stickman build the had was the one thing Glenn had given to her that she was thankful for.

But the genetics of Glenn Close that were gifted to his child were not the problem at hand. The problem at hand is that *Glenn's home.*

Glenn's home. Glenn's home, and Nick is not in her Glenn Mode. She's vulnerable. Vulnerable to a lot of questions she doesn't want to answer tonight. Doesn't want to have to explain where all this women's clothing came from, nor why she's dressed as one. It can't pass as drag, but she's obviously not in drag makeup. Fuck. Fuck it all. Fuck her life and her shitty decision making skills. Fuck Glenn for never communicating his plans. And fuck the stunned way he's staring at her now.

The awkwardness of the room was palpable at this point. Nick felt like a deer in headlights. Nick felt like melting into the floor and disappearing from the world. Nick felt like her whole world was about to collapse in on itself. What if Glenn hated her, what if he didn't want her to act like this or be this person, what if-

"Well, don't you look nice. Got a date or something, kid?"

Thats... That's not what Glenn was supposed to say. That's not what he's supposed to say! He's supposed to be upset or revolted or-

"I- I uh..." No. No don't cry. Fuck. Why are you crying, Nicholas? Nicole? Fuck what even if your name right now?

Glenn's here. It should be Nicholas. That's your name when you're a boy. But its a girl day. You want to be Nicole today. Glenn is here, and you're Nicole right now. And Glenn is here. And you're Nicole. And Glenn-

She heard a bag drop on the ground and footsteps come toward her. She stepped back and tried hide behind her arms. No words. She can't speak.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

She remembers the time she went to school in feminine clothes and a couple of guys almost jumped her, before Lark pulled a knife on them and got them both suspended.

Hands grab onto her shoulders, a gentle hold. She can feel the calluses on Glenn's fingers from his guitar. When was the last time he held her?

Her knees feel like jello. She remembers when she started posting on her second TikTok, open about her gender and pronouns because she didn't have to keep up a cisgender face when her dad didn't have the account. And how transphobes sent her deaththreats until she blocked all those words from her comments and the DMs got disabled.

She's a few inches taller than Glenn in her platform Docs. Which she realizes when he pulls her into a gentle hug. She feels makeup running on her face. And she's crying. Why is she crying?

She remembers being ten years old standing at moms grave, standing next to Glenn. Just after the burial. It was the first time she'd seen him cry.

Her chin's on his shoulder now, his arms around her upper torso and holding her against him. She realizes she's shaking. That he's just holding her. He's holding her. Daddy's home.. He's giving her a hug...

She remembers the last time Glenn had hugged her. At Mom's funeral. She was sobbing at her grave, and so was Dad. He pulled her into him and held her so tight. So tight she thought he'd crush her. But he just held, like she was the entire world. Like if he let go he'd loose her to. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hid her face in the mix of long hair and his suit jacket. He felt like her whole world in that moment, too.

Nickie brings herself back to what's happening. Glenn's holding her, her arms are awkward resting on his back, He's clutching her by the shoulders. She remembers these hugs. The hugs that he used to give her every time he left and came home. The ones he gives where every second of it is embued with love. It felt like that now.

She could tell he loved her. But those words felt like lies in her head.

Lies. Lies. Lies. So many lies. So so many lies.

"I'll be home by nine, Nick." It was a lie, Glenn didn't come home for three more days. "I promise I'll be home on your birthday." He wasn't. "I'll be there." He wasn't. "I'll make it, promise." He didn't. Everytime. Everytime, where Glenn shouldve been, it was Mom. And when Mom died, it was Henry. Or Ron. Or Darryl.

But he's here. Right now. And he's holding her. It doesn't make it okay, it doesn't excuse it. But he's holding her. Her knees go weak, and she crumbles. He crumbles with her.

She sobs, he doesn't force her to say anything. She doesn't return his hug, he doesn't expect her to.

"You're supposed to be mad." Nick mumbled after she doesnt remember how long. Glenn gives a light chuckle and adjusts his grip on her.

"And why would I be?" He asked, not protesting as Nick shoved him off and shuffled back a few inches. It felt weird to be so close to him after sixteens years of so much distance.

"Why wouldn't you be?" She spat, crossing her arms and staring at the ground. "Nick's fucked up again. That's my whole brand! Being a total and absolute fuck up! The disappointment! The druggy, the- the... The mistake." She felt more hot tears behind her eyes. She could feel Glenn staring at her in concern.

"Nick, you are not a fuck up. Or a mistake. Or whatever else. Nick, you're my baby, and I-"

"Then why did you leave? If you're gonna pull that bullshit, and say you love me no matter what, and that I'm your little girl, and that- that you wanted me from the very beginning and wouldn't give me up, why did you leave? Why dont you care now? When you come home, and woopsie! Your son's dressed up like some goth chicken. Why are you acting like everythings fine!? Everything is NOT fine, Glenn!" She hit the floor with her hands and growled in frustration. It wasn't fine.

Glenn stared down and took a deep breath. Then he sighed. "Yeah, I can't blame you on that one, kiddo. Alright, full disclosure, Nick. I already- I knew. I knew about the pronouns, and the name. I knew. Henry told me."

"H- Henry... Did what?"

"He told me. Soon as you told him. He called me that night, let me know what you had said. We have a rule in our group, we've had the rules since Grant came out. If one of the kids comes out as anything, you tell the other dads. Especially if its a name and pronouns thing. Cause, we agreed that since well, we were all kind of one bug cluster fuck of parents to each others kids, it was better if everyone knew who was what. So we didn't fuck it up."

"So you have a rule to out kids to their parents? That's-"

"No! Not any kids. Its just you, Terry, Grant, and the twins. Just you five. Because, here's the thing, Nick- Nickie? Whatever. Us dads? We arent- we're new to the whole queer scene. Its not as normal for us to just fliparoo what pronouns and names we call people as it is for you guys. So, we would practice to each other. When you told Henry you liked being called Nickie, he came to us and essentially said, 'I'm gonna say Nickie to you guys as often as i fucking can do I don't end up deadnaming.' "

Glenn took Nick's hand into his and held it tight. Nick still felt like punching Henry in the fucking face for outting her to Glenn.

"You know that I love you, Nick." Her body went rigid at that. And she looked uo at him, glaring as hard as should mister with how fucking teary eyed she was.

"Do I? Do I know that you love me, Glenn?" And his face fell. It was like she just sucked his soul out of him. Good. That should be one hell of a wake up call.

"Nick, of course I love you. What would ever make you think I didn't love you?" Nick but her lip, thinking over her words before she said them. She thought on a lot of things.

"You left. My mom died, and you left. My *mother* was dead and you went back to touring in a matter of weeks. My mother was dead, and I was ten years old. And I was home, by myself, for weeks. Glenn, I was alone for months. Sure, there the nanny. But that wasn't Mom or Dad. I needed my parents. I needed my dad. I needed my dad to give me a hug, promise me it'd be okay. That we were okay. And he fucking left. He walked out that door, didn't come back for months, only called every three weeks. Missed birthdays, holidays, soccer games, and whatever the fuck else. Why on gods green earth would I think that you loved me when you fucking abandoned me, Glenn? Why? Would you think I loved you if I fucked off to god knows where after being home for just a couple days? Huh? If when I found out you'd been up in drug city with your mates and getting caught by cops doing a bunch of stupid shit, all you got was a slap on the wrist and a phonecall that last three minutes?"

Glenn stared at the ground for a long time. He didn't speak. And he pulled her back into a hug, practically dragged her across that distance to hold her again. Hold her like the whole world depended on Glenn never letting go again. Like if he let go everything would come crashing down, like Nick was the entire fucking world and he just wanted to protect her. He held her like he had when Mom died.

"God, Morgan... He's just like you." He mumbled, clutching Nick so tight she couldn't breath. She didn't care he used the wrong pronouns, she didn't care he'd barely even addressed the elephant in the room, she didn't care her heel was digging painfully into the back of her other leg. Her dad was here. He was holding her. He was making sure she knew he loved her. Dad finally came home.

Glenn let out a painful sob into Nick's shoulder, he said something. Nick thinks it was an apology, but between the sniffles and the hiccups and layers of clothing, its impossible to tell. Glenn pulled her up into his lap, held her like he would when she was five or six. Her head on his shoulder, his arms around her middle as he sat horizontal across his lap. Her legs were too long to curl up like they used to, so they sat awkwardly half-stretched across the floor. It was nostalgic in a way. It felt Glenn was just realizing how many years he'd wasted. How much time with his child he had lost.

"I'm sorry, Nick. Im- I didn't realize. I'm so fucking sorry, Nick." He was still crying. Crying more than Nick had ever seen him cry. She could hear the self-hatred and the regret in his voice. She reached an arm around his neck and pulled him that much closer.

"Just don't leave again... Please, Dad." Nick doesn't remember that last time she had called him 'Dad.' But, it felt right in that moment. It hasn't felt right in a long long time.

[darthyentruoc]

Bar Fight

Abigail Roberts x Reader

I suck at using punctuation so please forgive me if parts make no sense.

Also use whatever name and pronoun that makes you comfortable.

..................................................................................

You and your brother Arthur dismounted your horses and entered the valentine saloon where inside Charles, Bill and Javier were supposed to be waiting for you. Entering the smell of stale beer and cigarette smoke hit you immediately a smell a smell all too familiar to an outlaw like you, you both made your way to the bar where Charles and Javier were trying their best to seduce two disheveled prostitutes...which after Arthurs choice words 'how much are you? Anyway', was a waste of time.

'Wheres Bill?' You asked as you scanned the bar for any sight of him 'i dont know, probably taking a piss' Javier answered nonchalantly taking another gulp of his beer. You caught sight of bill coming back into the saloon and purposefully barging the person on the other side 'watch where you're going, you idiot' he spat as he shoved the man yet again, which made the man grab his shoulder and pull him backward before throwing his fist right across Bill's face with a satisfying smack.

You and Arthur met eyes as you both knew what was about to happen, Javier pushed past you and immediately punched the nearest person to him; you, Charles and Arthur joined in throwing punches and smashing bottles over peoples heads. Until you heard loud footsteps coming down the stairs causing some of the brawlers to make a run for it 'its tommy!' Your victim shouted before punching you in your unexpected state and running away, tommy ran over pulling Charles off of his attacker, javier jumped on his back in an effort to help Charles but he threw him easily onto the nearest table shattering it completely.

You and your brother approached him carefully, you gave arthur a nod sending him into attack mode he grabbed tommys arms and held them behind his back, giving you the opportunity to wail on his stomach each punch causing both Tommy to lurch forward in pain and another pain to shoot through your fist.

Tommy quickly freed himself instantly leaping forward and sending a hard punch right across your face causing you to fall backwards onto the bar, in no time spared he was throwing all he could at you. Arthur who had shaken off being tossed to the floor was now again trying to restrain him to no avail, you managed to duck out of the way of a few attacks before Tommy lifted you with ease and threw you through the bar window and into the freshly moistened soil outside, 'Christ' you whispered to yourself in pain as you tried to dust off some of the mud but it was no time to rest as not even a minute later Tommy was again bounding toward you 'no more fighting' he shouted crazily 'easy big guy' you chuckled as you put up your guard and adopted a fighting stance.

You watched his attacks carefully dodging and countering as best you could, until it was him on the floor 'go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep' you repeated with every punch until you were pulled off of him by Mr Downes 'stop... please, he didnt mean it. He's big and dumb, please sir/madam he meant no harm.... dont kill him' he spluttered as he knelt at tommys side checking him over, you ignored him and limped back over to your brother 'you ok?' Arthur inquired grabbing your chin and turning your battered face 'oww and yea why wouldnt i be?' You answered sarcastically as you began to rinse off your hands and face in a nearby bucket.

'Good fighting morgan, almost thought you were gonna kill the bastard' Bill chuckled patting you on the back to which you turned around and grabbed him by the collar pinning him against the wall behind you 'the only reason that wouldve been, would be because you fucking started a fight that didnt need starting' he said nothing as you loosened your grip letting him go 'you goddamn idiot', Arthur put his arm around you 'come on, lets go aint gonna get no leads now especially after that ruckus. Lets go home' you nodded and mounted up to ride back to Horseshoe.

Riding into camp you could already hear the earful you were gonna get from your girlfriend Abigail, so you hitched up your horse and carefully manoeuvred around the camp in an attempt to avoid her before getting cleaned up.

You weren't even a metre away from your tent before hearing 'what the hell is wrong with you' you stopped in your tracks and turned to where the voice came from 'Abigail, please not now sweetie. Everything hurts','well good i hope it does, that'll teach you to go starting bar fights' she stood over you hands on her hips her eyes fiery with anger as she looked you over.

'First of all it wasnt me who started it, it was bill and secondly what kind of woman says that to their partner' you began taking off your muddied shirt but began to struggle with getting it off as you may have dislocated your shoulder, although Abigail was pissed she immediately saw your predicament and began helping you pulling off each of the arms of your clothes 'why have you gotta be this way?' She spat as she produced a cloth and began cleaning up the mix of dirt and blood from your face making you wince from pain with how hard she rubbed, 'i dont know Abigail, it werent meant to go that way.

It just did and i couldnt not help my friends when theyre getting beaten','yea but i dont care about them y/n, i care about you and i dont want to have to bury you' you looked at her in bewilderment 'you ain't ever burying me, just stop being so dramatic' as soon as those words left your lips she harshly dragged the cloth over your possibly broken nose making you cry out in pain 'im just a concerned wife, why is that a crime, huh... i worry for our son seeing ya like this and how much pain your gunna be in tomorrow, so if thats me bein dramatic then.... hell thats me' she explained throwing her hands up in exasperation.

You chuckled as you gently grabbed her wrist pulling her to sit down next to you 'im a very lucky man/woman','youre damn right you are!' You both laughed at her comment, both interlocking your hands lovingly 'thank you, i mean it. I promise I'll do better for you and for Jack' her eyes met yours wide and besotted 'just dont get yourself killed... because, i love you y/n Morgan' you smiled resting your head onto hers taking in the sweet smell of her hair 'and plus the boy'll miss you','what about you?' You asked eyes returning to hers 'I'll be glad of the peace' she finished as you both burst into laughter.

[mrbingley]

b/c i shared my trans david shirt on insta and fb im out to, well, everyone i know now. before this, i was out to my two siblings a friend or two and my mom and thats it. i was very nervous and anxious about what some of my family might think b/c i wasnt out to them (specifically my aunts b/c im very close to them) but theyve all made a point to leave a comment or msg saying they love and/or support me and i dont know what i was expecting, i really dont know what i was expecting, but im so amazed and taken aback at how they all immediately sent positive msgs to me. i dont think all of them quite understand what nonbinary is or even completely why i want top surgery, but they all support me and i am just... so overwhelmed! a lot of them are anxious about the details of surgery (which i of course anticipated--it’s surgery! that’s scary! that’s serious!).

i went to a concert with my mom yesterday (the lumineers--they were incredible!) and today we went for a walk and talked for awhile about top surgery and the surgeon and the cost and insurance and why im doing this and my gender and pronouns and it was really good. i answered all the questions she had.

she asked if she can still call me her daughter. i told her im theoretically okay with gendered words like daughter but that it can be hard for me to know what the intent and understanding of someone is when they use female gendered words/pronouns for me. i told her w/ newer ppl i suggest they use they/them b/c it’s good practice and can help them learn that im not a girl (or a boy). and i told her how i know it’s the hardest for the ppl closest to me, espec family, b/c theyve spent my entire life--all twenty four yrs--calling me a girl and using she/her pronouns. it’s going to be the hardest for them to learn and understand. and she gets that. and said shell practice using they/them pronouns and can call me her child/kid instead.

i did feel a pang of hurt at having to tell her to try calling me something different than daughter. b/c there is an emotional power and bond in that word, right. my daughter. that obviously means so much to her. it has weight! and history. and i know my child/kid can mean just as much. but im just sharing/acknowledging that it did kind of hurt and feel like i was taking something away from her by asking that of her. even though i know im still me and we still have the same bond and same love. just sharing this detail for the sake of authenticity and that even though this (meaning asking my mom to practice they/them and gender neutral terms) is a good step and change it can still hurt or feel bad.

my mom doesnt fully understand what nonbinary is but she fully supports me and my gender and i gave her some links to some of ash hardell’s videos on nonbinary ppl and top surgery b/c she and some of my aunts are anxious about the surgery and i think thatll really help her. i rewatched the vids before i sent them and cried at all of them!!! i didnt cry at all before, when the vids were first posted. i guess b/c this is so much more real and relatable now it really hit me hard watching the vids this time around. i think those vids will be really helpful for my mom and aunts. thank goodness for ash! thank you ash for making important and vulnerable videos that are also super aesthetically pleasing and well cut and directed and really poignant and well made.

[nerdsideofthemedia]

Did Ilia steal Adam’s redemption arc?

This is kind of a follow-up to “Adam Taurus: where’s the redemption arc?”.

The majority of the last paragraph is a response to a comment saying that what Ilia got was what Adam’s fans thought he would get.

Let’s ignore the stupidity that is not being able to consider that one can be both a mentor and a romantic partner (whether one should is an entirely different matter). And the lack of picking up the clues that Sun was meant to be the red herring, while BB was meant to become official. Yes, I do find mind-boggling how so many reveal a lot of trouble to deal with the bait-and-switch as if it was invented now.

Instead, I want to start addressing the claim that the only difference between Ilia and Adam is that she’s gay, he’s not. Even as far as identity goes, I can think of another difference between them (hint: pronoun). It says a lot that the person decided to focus on the sexual orientation. Of course, they are actually very different.

In my article about Adam’s redemption arc, I proposed that a writer has to respond to a few questions to make one of those. They were:

- Have they been conflicted about their actions?

- Does the character want redemption?

- Do they deserve it? If yes, then:

   - Can it be achieved?

   - How?

I concluded there were ultimately no real objective answer to “does a character deserve redemption” – each person has an opinion on it and that, in a story, is entirely decided by the writer(s) (assuming they have total control, which isn’t always the case).

Let’s answer them for Ilia and Adam.

Were they conflicted about their actions? Ilia yes, Adam no. He wants to destroy Blake and Yang until his last breath.

Do they want redemption? Ilia, yes, which is why she goes to Mistral. Adam doesn’t.

Do they deserve redemption? Well, this one is subjective, so let’s take a look to their actions:

Ilia: she spies on Blake and ambushed her and allowed for her family to be attacked, even fought Blake and Sun twice. One of those times, injures her friend, though it was a minor injury from which he had completely recovered from by the next episode. She also had never intent to kill them.

Adam: he was part of Beacon’s fall, which caused several to die; abused Blake and tried to kill her; cut off Yang’s arm and tried to kill her; tried to destroy Haven which would probably to the partial obliteration of Mistral, judging by what happened in Vale. Not to mention all the psychological trauma caused to Blake and Yang.

If you think Ilia’s beyond redemption, that’s fair, I suppose. In reality, she would go to jail. Still, when it comes to storytelling and characters getting a redemption arc, I can tell you her actions are pretty tame when compared to the usual.

However, you can’t think she’s not worth redeeming yet Adam is. The opposite is possible though as his actions are far worse than hers. Not to mention that all throughout she was shown to be confused and conflicted while he wasn’t. He wanted to take things even further.

There is one more thing I want to address in the original comment: “I want to like all the characters in RWBY and for them to be well-written, so Adam being wasted as a character annoyed me.”

This is very obviously bullshit, because when claiming Ilia stole Adam’s arc, the implication is that she didn’t deserve to get it. Also, at no point, there was even the slightest hint Adam would be getting a redemption arc. Quite the opposite considering the damage he caused to 2 out of 4 main characters. Like I said before, “It’s time I got what I deserved” makes Harvey Dent’s “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain” look subtle. He was very clear his path was a downfall, not a redemption.

I know some of you missed all the clues and projected what you wanted and are now disappointed. But writers don’t owe you giving you what you want. They have their story and if you pictured it differently… well, it happens to all of us. And no, choosing not to develop a character that was always meant to be a villain and used as a plot-device to build 2 main ones and their relationship isn’t bad writing. To some extent, there’s a limit to the characters that can be developed, because too many and your audience stops giving a shit. People just don’t get attached to that many characters and every time spent on a tertiary character is time not spent with other more important ones.

All is not lost though as one did respond to the comment:

Thanks Todoroki. I knew there’s a reason why I like you.

Just a side note: bulls don’t really see the color red. They charge because of the movement, not the color. I know this may seen like a pedantic nitpick, but... actually it is just that.

[red--hair--dont--care]

first post 😏

so ill start off by saying hi, you can call me lucy.. or whatever you want, tbh i dont really care about names or specific pronouns. i never let it bug me but please dont go out of your way to be mean, be a decent person and treat people with some basic kindness and everything will be okay. ☺️

so you could say i havent come out yet, the only place i dont feel myself is at work but because coming out at work would be way to... complicating i decided to just not but still maintain the essence of who i am and not care what people said or how they looked at me. ive never really had to worry about taking shit from them or from really anyone becsuse apparently i have an always angry face even though most of the time im not even angry lol. but because of that it keeps peoples comments to themselves. im not very engaging so conversation would end up being very one sided. im okay with this work arrangement i just hope eventually i can get a job where i can be me how i want to be without having to worry about things becoming complicated. outside of work i am me i try to dress gender neutral just because i dont feel i am able to pass yet(though the makeup girl at the spa thought i was a girl but as soon as i opened my mouth she was like omg im so sorry. it was pretty funny it didnt like offend me or anything at all, i let things like that go or else it would bug me to no end.) i have anxiety but i deal with it well by not spending too much time thinking about it all and just go about my business. and ive learned mosy people are oblivious or dont even care. i have noticed its more elderly women that give me stares but i think its funny 😋 i try to wear clothes that are subtly feminine so i can wear what is comfortable and what fits but also not be clocked by every nosey person in the grocery store. i dont wear alot of makeup when im out if any at all, its usually lip gloss, a little mascara, and filled in eyebrows.

Ive been on hrt for about a month but the end of 2017 all of 2018 i spent 'pre' transitioning. i got rid of all my guy clothes except one or two outfits for work i started ordering clothes online and from thrift stores and slowly aquired almost a whole wardrobe lol.

i tried herbal supplements for feminizing and breast growth pills, the first 3 months of that i felt like shit all the time, hormones were everywhere.. it was a mess. (i feel like because i went all through that proir to actual hrt that by body got used to feeling like shit and everything else so it was like prepared and toughened up the next time around. if that makes sense) i noticed breast growth that went away and havent had any of it since. i got super sensitive and hurt to touch but none of that happens anymore, im not sure why..

i started to shave every week and been doing it since but has gotten so much easier and quicker over time (it still takes forever) eventually i got a laser hair remover and started using it but it was hard to use it every week because im lazy lol but i still use it, im not sure if it works but im just gonna keep using it and im sure it will help to get rid of my facial hair over time. i started transitioning from using cheap hygiene supplies to more expensive ones then to home made ones. since ive done that my skin has gotten noticeably better, i use African black soap that i buy but the rest of it i make using different things you can find in your kitchen. i hope taking care of my skin in this way will pay off later on and so far it looks better then my old routine.

so ive been on estridol and spiro for about a month now, the first things that i noticed a few days after starting was i was happy again, like the weel before i felt horrible i was unhappy with myself, i felt dull. i dont think it was a placebo because i wasnt expecting anything to happen. so i can say that my experience has been a positive one so far. i havent had any breast changes like sensitivity or soreness or anything. i was using a pump almost daily before i started hrt and so my chest was already soft and squshy and protruding a little. im not too worried about it i just hope that they start, ive heard of girls having it start then stop and not do anything. i just want to be able to wear a bra because i need to not because thats 'what youre supposed to do if your a girl'

Ive alway been skinny and not weighed over 130 but i hope this will change that, i have already lost what little muscle i had, my arms are lean so they still look muscular but i think with time they will smooth out. i have very thin hips so im hoping i will get wider and my thighs will thicken up, to help that along im doing butt and leg exercises along with stretching and yoga i guess. (i dont call it yoga)

I know that diet is a big part of the results you end up with so ive started eating better then i was before. and im trying to eat more too, ive always had a tough time eating because i have little to no appetite, i just dont find food appealing most times. ive started drinking more water and now i have to pee every hour lol. its not so bad h20 will help keeping my liver and kidneys from taking too much.

so im not really sure what else i should include in this post, im sure i forgot some things but thats okay they will come to me☺️ if you made it down this far thank you for listening i hope you have a wonderful day and dont forget that you are not alone. 😘💜

#firstpost #girlslikeus #trans #transgender #transgirl #transcommunity #hrt #mtf #transisbeautiful

[twobearshifiving]

my coworker is always doing this shit where she’ll say something nasty that sets off minor alarms but technically could mean something more innocent, or i guess ignorant, so i usually just brush it off with “i don’t know what to tell you, thats how it is, i don’t see a problem with it” because i love getting paid and she’s absolutely the file-a-complaint type

but today she was too obvious and i’m onto her

like i KNOW she’s conservative you can just feel it on her but for a year or so it never became an issue because she wouldn’t run her mouth at me so much

like now she’ll just come up to me sometimes out of the blue and comment like how “that trump soundclip actually IS how all men talk my husband told me” which some of you may remember the post i made about it and literally just made me feel bad for her gullible ass and her gross husband

or “i can’t believe people are angry that we sell o’reilley books, someone just yelled at me about it” which i THOUGHT was going to turn into a conversation about how we can’t control which products we carry, until she started going off about how he was being treated unfairly (i dont know that anyone actually complained, i certainly didnt see or hear them "yell”)

she uses the phrase “those people” in reference to a random person a lot and won’t elaborate when i ask which people specifically she’s referring to

she has DEFINITELY been accused of profiling at least twice in three years (which she vehemently denies every time)

and there were probably a couple dozen other weird little incidents when she’d make some neutral comment about some ultracon asshole or complain about her daughters middle eastern husband (just like the whole middle east?) “but that’s not why i’m mad its because he’s difficult with me”

or every type of customer under the sun and it hurts me to say that one because the WORST thing for my anxiety is shopping and feeling like my presence alone is making people around me uncomfortable to shop or work, and some of the shallow garbage she’s said about patrons and once our MANAGER was literally just mean

i distinctly remember waiting at the door with her once to be let in for a morning shift, and our short, chubby manager was taking awhile to get to the door because the store is very long and coworker mutters “hurry up, fatass” and then like grins at me as if she told a joke? 

sometimes she complains about rude people, but i can’t forgive her for the ones that didn’t offend anyone or pester us, it was just like the most superficial shit about passersby and even though i’m pretty much fine in a store now because i’ll just buy my shit fast and get out, i can’t help that it makes me feel like the fucking fruit guy is mocking my outfit from behind his hairnet

what she did today was come up to me and say, with no warm up or prompting, “you know, this bruce jenner thing wouldn’t be so freaky to me if he hadn’t won all those medals” and i kind of was speechless for a second because i hadn’t heard anyone use those pronouns or that name for her in months, certainly not my family or my store, and we had just had a meeting about her book the day before

i kinda halfassedly mentioned that CAITLYN wouldn’t have been allowed to compete in women’s olympic events because SHE wasn’t even out, policy probably wouldn’t have allowed it had SHE been, and people (like coworker) would have complained that a transwoman was beating a cis woman and it wasnt fair (i said a woman who was born a woman because i didn’t want to extend the conversation by explaining cis to her)

like i KNOW it’s caitlyn jenner and she sucks for a multitude of reasons but i still felt bad about not getting more firm about it like i clearly made it a point that i wasn’t about to hitch a ride on her transphobia train but i wish i’d said something about it being disrespectful or whatever

like now that i’m recalling it and writing it down as like a list, i’m realizing how often she’s trying to prod me and see where my lines are drawn and how much she can actually kiss my ass now that i think about it

most of my coworkers are also extremely liberal/anti-capitalism and are very loud about it, “i’ll ride with you” pins on their bags and whatnot. she knows this, so i don’t think she does that to them. i don’t think she even TALKS to most of them, actually, unless she has to.

but i dont have that kinda stuff, and though i dress like a dirty hippie sometimes and never talk shit at work. i talk shit about trump and she knows this and hasn’t weighed in, but the circumstances of her liking me are entirely based on the fact that a lot of it just never came up

and she DOES like me she literally asked me to LIVE IN HER HOUSE with her dog for a whole week because she “didn’t trust anyone else to do it” (i declined because she SHOULDN’T and i WOULD smoke in her yard and probably drop cig ashes and burn bowls all over the place; also she was going to pay me $30 total and that was not worth it to me to be a live-in dog nanny for the poor man’s anne coulter)

so maybe that’s an opportunity for me to be like “hey, you trust me, you gotta listen and stop doing that shit, even if it feels like you’re fighting yourself on it, because of X and Y reasons” or at least pulling her aside and explaining that i don’t agree with her and i’m too afraid to say so on the clock and that i’d appreciate it if she stopped trying to find a way to bring me in on this kind of shit but it’s very hard to be prepared to have a politics fight at fucking 7:25 am and it stress me :(

[chickenstuffedwithmozzarella]

Holiii!! I saw the pic of Liam and Honey😍😍😍 Asdfahs. They are so cute! And also, i love Liam's eyes. It'a such a nice colour!! And i also saw the gifs!! I love that gif of Louis.  HE LOOKS SO SOFT. I could cry. And Harry😂😂😂 Its such a mood. I always flip people off like that. Jajajaja. AND THE GIF OF HARRY WITH THE PINK JACKET. 😍He is dancing funny and i love hiiim.  Oh, and i havent read that fic but i'll read it asap and then i'll tell you about it. Promise. Thanks for the rec💖 (1)

Hiiii, Love!!!! I’m so sorry it took me so long to answer! but yesterday I was busy, and when I came home my head hurt like a b*tch, 😖😖. Liam’s eyes very pretty, aren’t they? Everyone likes him better (poor honey). I always flip people like that too, jajaja, that’s why I needed a gif, and I found the best, jajajaja. I couldn’t resist. I’m already rereading that fic,😅. I love re reading things I read a long while ago, bc my English has improved a bit since I came to tumblr, and it’s like reading things for the first time again, so cool.

It wasnt hard being updated bcs OT was everywhere, but yeah. I always try to engage in my friend’s hobbies. & some of them do the same. One of my friends used to be a 1D fan before i met her, and though she is not longer in the fandom she tries to be updated. She sends me memes or things that remind her of 1d. She even watched a video of BG without me knowing/telling her about it. I dont deserver her. Ay, and last week she watched freddieismyqueen videos with me on a free period. I 💖 her (2)

HOW DID YOU FRIEND MANAGE TO QUITE?!?!?! Jajajajaja It feels imposible (not that I have tried…). And she sees things and isn’t intrigued about what is happening?? She should write a self help book,jajajaja. “How to suite one direction: the guide”,jajajaja. But she sounds cool and supportive of you, so keep her, jejeje.

Well, you just described me. Talking in public always end up in one of those two options. I have always wanted to do a road trip!!! You are totally invited of course. JAJAJAJA. Well, it just…happened? Our friend was having a very bad time and he was going through a lot of things and we didnt know how to cheer him up. And then one night we just starting watching a video of AuronPlay reading a fic, and he was happy for the first time in months. (3)And so my cousin said “what if we write him a fic?” And i said “omg, yes”. And thus was born. Its a crack fic. We just put in there his family, his biggest celebrity crush, our friends, ourselves and a couple of animals and started writing nonesense. He hasnt read anything yet, bcs we want to finish it first, and me and my cousin (and our siblings, bcs they wanted to help) only hang out alone sporadically. But we laugh a lot writing it. I hope he laughs too when he finally reads it. (4)

You, your sister and your cousins sound so cool. And your friends too. I’m gonna have to migrate and adopt you all, jajajaj. I’m sure your friend is gonna love it. It’s a recipe for success. Keep me updated when you show him and his reaction,please!!

“How does a gay look like?” Like someone with no toxic masculinity. But i see your point. Judging on looks is not cool. (And i dont usually do it. I watched their behaviour or their words. When someone doesnt ever use gender pronouns and just say “they” “parter” “somebody” im just👀👀👀 i see what u are doing). Yes yes. What you said makes sense. I understood. Dont worry. I have never heard that quote, but i think i could marry whoever wrote this. So much truth!! 😱 (6)

Tbh I never payed attention to that, :/ (heteronormative mind and all that). If I had, maybe I had known about a lot of my high school friends’ sexuality. Looking back, we were just a group of friends, boys a girls, nobody cared about boyfriends/girlfriends (we were friends from 12-16). Then we went our separate ways, and we lost touch. And now I see in Facebook that they are gays and lesbians, and I’m like… :/ we didn’t know much about those things back then. And I hope I didn’t make any comments who could offend/affect them. But it makes me so happy to see them being themselves and living with they’re boyfriends and girlfriends… 😊 I just wish I could have been a better friend back then 🤷🏻‍♀️. But now I pay attention to that. And I always try to show support in a non invasive way. And try to educate people about who they’re been homophobic, or make not appropriate comments… like there’s this boy (around 16) that likes to paint his nails. And I love everything to do with nails. And, at the shop, I comment on people’s nails (if I know them enough, lol). And I always try to say something nice to this guy. To normalize the fact that he has his nails painted (and no make a statement that I approve of it, if someone else is listening, so they don’t make rude comments around me). And then my friend’s sister is Lesbian. But their mother is so ancient-minded… like, my friend has a dit of fat, and she’s always making comment about how she should be skinnier bc she won’t ever find a husband 😒. And her sister is very thin. And once, she was working as cleaner in a /cuartel de la guardia civil(?)/. And their mother was always: hmmm, I hope she finds a good guy there, bc she’s never had a boyfriend. And I always thought: I wonder why, lol. Well, she finally came out to her parents, and while they don’t treat her different (which I don’t know if it’s good or no), they’re like “waiting” she changes her mind. And hoping she finds a boyfriend. Anyway, her mother is friends with my mom, and she comes to visit at the shop sometimes, and she always has a comment to make about what people do or don’t do. And I get so angry 😡. I’m always correcting her. But she doesn’t listen. And I feel sorry for my friend and her sister. So whenever I have the chance I saw her my support, and always talk about these things, lol. (I talk so much about lgbt+ things, that my family associates me with it, to the point that every time they see a rainbow or whatever they tell me: look look! And I just satisfied with it. At least they don’t make so much homophobic comments anymore 😒)

YOUR MOM IS AN ANTI? How? “Why would they fake a baby?” Thats a good question with awful answers. I miss RBB&SBB.😍 (I havent explained that to anybody, yet. But once while playing a game my cousins choose Rbb as his nickname so i choose Sbb and our friends started making questions and we where like? 1d things? Long story, leave it for another day? I’m glad they dont remember it bcs i wouldnt know how to explain that😂😂). Was your friend a fan of 1d too? (7)

Well, she isn’t a nasty anti, jajajja, but she doesn’t think they’re together. Not for nothing special, just that she thinks they would say it if they were together. And since they haven’t say it, they aren’t together. But I’ve shown her the famous Christmas pic, and she doesn’t Thing B was ever pregnant. And I show her pics of F to ask for an outsider opinion, and she doesn’t think the kid looks like Louis at all, lmao. So, I think if they ever come out, she wouldn’t care at all. Bahhh, I’ve talked about RBB/SBB with my friend sometimes, but it’s so bad of a thing, that we don’t come to a conclusion. She isn’t a fans, sadly. But she likes celeb gossip, and I like to talk, so… yesterday she came to visit/ to get her arms waxed (bc that’s my other unofficial job) and she ended up staying for 2 hours. Bc we had see each other briefly lately, couldn’t sit and talk properly in a while. And she always asks me about 1d, bc she knows I love to talk about it,jajaja. And I have a sideblog where I reblog things to show her. And well, yesterday we talked a little about BG, and I showed her the no-belly pic, and she was… 😳. And she thinks louis and Harry must be together, at least at some point, bc the way the touched wasn’t in a friendly way. She now has a boyfriend, and she kept saying: I’m not a very touchy person with my friends or my family, but when I’m with him I always want to touch him or kiss him, and that’s what those two were always doing. And I’m always: do you think that for real, or are you just saying it so I stop talking?? Jajjaja. And yes, she’s convinced they are/were together. She asked me if I think they’re still together, and I told her that now more than ever, but it’s a long story, so we should talk about it another time, bc lol, we were just talking about it for a couple of hours, and we both had things to do. So, we’ll keep talking another time.

Of course, I dont share that info with everybody, but I dont mind my friends knowing. I have this one friend that i bother everytime i get frustated bcs of a fic. I tell him the plot, and what is happening and i cry about it (and he laughs at me but at least he listens). Sometimes i make him choose which one should i read next when i cant decide. (9)

I almost did a fic reference yesterday talking with my friend, and I stopped myself midsentece, and laughed (I thought of you,jajaj) and she was so confused!! But she’s used to my weirdness, so we just laughed it way. And I kept talking, jajajajaj.

Girl, i have 6 dioptres😂😂 Thats what i have forbid myself from reading on the phone. No, i havent read that one, but its now on the list. I’ll tell you when i do! Though it make take a while :( (I understand you. Dont worry). (10)

😳 6?!!?! Please take care of your eyes!!! Stop reading… everything!! Jajaja. No, I’m kidding. I know about people who has 8… so you’re still ok,jajajaj. I have 1, but my ophthalmologist told me I’m very sensitive to change, bc I thought I had 27463 diopters, bc I saw so poorly 🙄🙄.

Yes, i also like IDGAF more than New Rules. They have overplayed that one. Have you heard Blow Your Mind? I love that one. It’s also a single so…i guess you have heard it? You’ll get amazing shots, i’m sure. Honey was sleeping on you? 😭😭😭😭 I love hiiim (11)

I listened today Room for 2 and Homesick, and I think I like them. I’ll have to listen this new one two. For me, to like a song, I have to heard /a lot/ (not as much as Despacito, please). It has to have a catchy tune. That’s why I think a like Carolina, or Woman, or Kiwi, and I don’t understand why people is so fidyfvbure about the lyrics, jajjaja.Honey is always sleeping on me. The other day Liam was sleeping between my legs, and Honey came and just laid on top of my poor limo. And I wanted to kill him, bc liam never comes to sleep with me. They’re so different… but I love them both.

Oh, my little sister. I just wanted to tell you that yesterday was her birthday. She almost cried when she saw that me and my older sister had brought her Flicker deluxe as a present. (We hadnt bought it yet. Dont judge us). She was freaking out just bcs of that and i was laughing so hard thinking that she’s gonna pass out when she sees the rainbow flag her friends have gotten her for Nialls show. And also another pair of Cds. She wont survive the show. Poor thing. But she was so happy 😍😍 (12)You start next week? Okay. I’ll ask again next wednseday. Have a nice daaaay!!

Not judging, you’re amazing sisters!! Awww, poor thing!! She will have an amazing time at Niall’s concert, for sure. And, yes, please, tell her to bring the flag. I’m so happy seeing how people are starting to bring rainbow flags to niall concerts too. And have you seeing that he has taken pics with rainbow flags?? He even brought one to the stage the other day!! It makes me inexplicably happy to say everything covered in rainbows. There was so much at Harry’s show too, my sister said it looked like a pride parade. Hey, Dunkirk it’s about to start khbkhdfbvkjdnfvkjndfv. But, have YOU SEEING THE NEW ROYAL BABY WAS NAMED AFTER LOUIS?????? AND HIS TWEET?!?!?  IM SCREAMED!!!! Dijffvjkbdded. Bye love. I have to feed my cats before the movie starts!!! Aaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

[survivorcostarica]

Ep. 1 - “Imagine suffering, imagine euthanizing yourself, imagine losing your will to continue on...” - Randy

i cant see pls send imitrex

i have a crush on cole, i'm in this game and virgin islands with him and i really like talking to him.  he is really genuine and easy to talk to, i feel ridiculous for admitting this but this was the first thing i thought to confess about lol

I want to shoot myself in the fucking face what is my tribe?! 

Cole is such a messy thot, Kevin is that but without being remotely good at the game, Arika and Julia are best friends IRL and 1000% will be working together. Louise is a fucking saint but that also terrifies me because I can't do shit against her without being a terrible person. At least Madison is really down to earth and chill even thought I've known her for two days and met her on Club Penguin. I don't know Bryce, Noah or the other one so they're 1000% my go to people right now.

Ohkay hi hi. My name is Bryan and I’m here to try and NOT flop at this game. Ok sooo. I’m looking at my tribe and i notice. My best friend Madison is here. Just kidding i HATE her. Or at least that’s what i will want people to think so we aren’t targeted for our friendship or whatever cuz we had BEEF in our last game. Um. Josh is also here. I was in another game with him but i didn’t really get to talk to him that much. Other than that cole and Kevin seem nice enough and are talkative so that’s good. I guess I’ll just be able to talk more with other people later.

Imagine suffering, imagine euthanizing yourself, imagine losing your will to continue on in an ORG you were last minute filled into. I literally hate this whole tribe so much, and I'm going into this game with the mindset that we are losing every single immunity and reward. When I saw the first three cast reveal posts i prayed i wasnt on the orange tribe. i actually believed and god, and asked him for forgiveness for all the sins ive committed and pleaded my case to on why i shouldnt be on this tribe. but, alas here i am. so its time to play i guess I'm not good with social game, and thats why i usually fail at survivor. I always have a good first few days, but then its just me being inactive and skirmming my way until my inevitable premerge eviction. But in this game im literally going to pull all the stops i can. I will start to set up my reputation as a good survivor player. And it starts here. Even if nobody pms me I will take this game by storm. Meaning right now its getting good with the influential such as Jay and Drew. They have a few buds on the other tribe, and working with them can only help me when we hit merge. i'm also going to keep Chrissa tight because she is just such a good ally, but its also going to be hard to protect her as she is such a shit competitor. But thats all plans let me talk about to cast Cameron: Love cameron our last org played together we made final 3, and he asked me to cut him. I will keep him under my sphere of influence especially since he said he isnt familiar with this group of players Chrissa: I also love chrissa. She can be a little annoying sometimes, but she always has good intentions. She is fiercely loyal, and thats something great to have in an ally because numbers are more important in survivor than big brother Constance: I don't like him. I want nothing to do with him. The closest association I ever had with constance was us two being on the same cast reveal post. And I'm far more than content with that interaction. He's from facebook, and that means he is going to stir the pot when there isn't any stirring necessary. He is going to make a move just to make a move, and if I cut him earlier the better. But if I can work with him, and test and experience how he plays this game. I do think it would be more entertaining Drew: I have good relations with him but really havent played an org with him. I have no intentions on backstabbing him especially in this cast. I do think he will either slide into the shadows, or emerge as the person calling the shots for this tribe. Jay: Same as Drew tbh. They're together as a duo, so anything one does the other will follow. I'm not going to beef with him Jill: I haven't met Jill before this. but she is the driest person i have pm'd in a while. Me and her are having forced small talk, but i dont want to lose connections with her yet. I'm hoping she isnt well liked or well received so she can leave. Reagan: Me and her have butted heads so many times in vls. If you wanted a fight. Its going to be between me and her i bet your hat. Sam: I dont know if he's a newbie or from a community. But me and him kicked things off really well, and I'm feeling natural chemistry with him. I'll keep him near my sphere of influence for sure. Roxy: Going against Roxy is such a stupid move. Because she's just going to waste her whole entire game trying to vote you off. She gets really bitter easily, and i dont know what the hell she's saying half of the time. I dont understand her game or her mouth so im just gonna let her be...

[12:25:40 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: dam stop tryna out do my intro  do I have to add my likes too?  tch [12:25:48 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie [12:25:53 PM] Chrissa Bullard: lol [12:26:54 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: okay Ill admit idc about the size of your butt [12:27:01 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: even if you have a small butt id still potentially like u [12:27:12 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: but yall are gay so like  what can a straight gal like me do [12:27:29 PM] Chrissa Bullard: hello sam and roxy with her butt equality [12:29:22 PM] Jill: if u wanna be my friend add me and SAY hey bc i forget to add people [12:29:53 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: and I say HEY what a wonderful kinda day [12:29:54 PM] Jill: also msg me ur pronouns thanks [12:29:57 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: you can learn and work and play [12:30:26 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: my pronouns are "my lord" and "your highness" [12:30:51 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: I said I was a she cause dan didn't take me seriously even tho imma hella serious [12:30:52 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): my pronouns are he/they and they are actually serious :) [12:31:02 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: oi how dare you say I aint serious [12:31:36 PM] Chrissa Bullard: your highness is serious do not get my lords pronouns wrong :P [12:31:41 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: :/ I'm the lord and the queen roxy herself [12:31:42 PM] Chrissa Bullard: seriously though [12:31:47 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: of course my pronoun is your highness [12:31:57 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: thank you ! see? chrissa gets it! [12:32:02 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: look I even have a crown as proof [12:32:07 PM] Chrissa Bullard: true [12:32:13 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: i trans-itioned from being a commoner to being a queen [12:32:51 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: also if i don't pm you its cause i avoid social interactions at all times [12:33:00 PM] Chrissa Bullard: a mood [12:33:05 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: and i haven't left  my house in 9 days [12:33:13 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: apart from an hour once to go to the gym [12:33:17 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: i haven't recovered since i take medicine. its called coffee. it helps releave the symptoms of being dead inside

My tribe is probably going to be useless. Which means that we have to turn it OUT for immunity. Randy, Roxy and I are all attempting to make flags. I have faith in Randy's abilities... roxy, not so much. But she does have a good artistic ability, so I hope she turns it out for this. We can hope. We can hope.

Blah blah blah. Confessional confessional. The immunity comp is a flag making competition. Which means i can’t really participate. The one we have so far tho is super cute!! There’s a Julia on our tribe. I have to start learning people’s names. Ugh. Too much work. 

I think like our tribe will win immunity, looking at cadejo’s scores, they seem like flops I mean that tribe is super ugly so ya know… cute is gonna devour gorgeous. Anyways Anthony is doing great at the flag I gave him the ideas, he executed them for me so everyone is great. Also i got this red KEY

I really don't like my tribe but I think I like the other tribe even less just from the few people I've encountered before or at the very least heard about. If anything though that's great for me because I have all of two or three people I remotely care about so I have no issues with taking people out.

RANDY'S FLAG LOOKS TERRIBLE! but we're going with that one anyway!!! even though its literally furry meme nonsense!!! so i hope to god i dont get targetted when we lose bc i made an effort not to be a grumpy ass beyotch!

ummm roxy said she and sam wanna align with me!! it's so early!!! I may work with Reagan bc we worked together previously I think!! Everyone else seems fine. I'm gunna msg drew and everyone else tomorrow or later and say hey I've been napping!!! Go team

I honestly think im going because peop le don't tell me anything I'm scared 

[3/28/18, 1:55:57 AM] Drew (heuse1ac): "I love y-...ughch..." [3/28/18, 1:56:05 AM] Drew (heuse1ac): Cameron 2k18 im just gonna put this here ;)

Anyway. Here's some tea. Roxy thinks I talk too much about being in the hospital. Sorry sweaty, I'm disabled, I'm gonna be in the hospital. And I have the right to talk about whatever I want. ANYWAY, Constance, the literal loml, gave me this tea so that's great. I LOVE HIM. So we made an alliance of me and drew, because drew has a "bad reputation" (sweetie, you were the one making tasteless comments night one, let's not get it twisted here!!) We talk a bunch, we have good laughs, and we head to bed. I went into this round wanting to target Roxy anyway, but she just went painted a bullseye on her back for me!

This first round felt so nostalgic to me, in the sense that being gone from these games for a while allowed me to step back and revitalize the way that I play games. In the beginning of the game, I felt an immediate connection with Cameron. He is someone who has a really nice, personable outlook as a person and I could see myself becoming really good allies and friends outside of this game. I also really enjoy Drew, Sam and Jill. Drew: I was excited to see him in this game because we just met a few days before the game started because he flirted with me a little and I thought he was a nice guy in general. I haven't had the chance of getting to know him all that well yet, though he stated to me that he will not write my name down throughout the game when we were first added to the tribe, so I hope that stays as promised. Sam: We both come from the same community but we both individually transferred to Tumblr at different points in time. I don't know him well enough to say he could be someone I stay with for the long run, but I have had a few calls with him and he seems pretty straightforward about what he wants in this game and where he wants to go. I'll leave it at that for now. Jill: She is literally everything that is me. "I'm going to see my sugar daddy," "I am eating a whole barbecque chicken pizza to myself," "I need money" I LOVE THIS CHICK! We need to align and become friends for sure because I can't see myself without her! One smaller relationship I have is with Chrissa and that will require some work on my part, both game wise and friend wise included. We had a rough past on a personal note but we are working our ways around it to become friends again on a personal level, not even on a game level. I feel like if Chrissa is able to handle herself in this game with me the way she did in Arrakis ages ago, she should be good to go with me! The people I really don't talk with or connect with right now are Jay, Roxy, Randy and Regan. - Jay just hasn't spoken a lot, but that may be subject to change? - Regan has this huge negative perception that everyone has given about her and I'm honestly not about holding past games or whatnot against anyone. If she is as crazy or as ballistic as people say she is then that will happen on it's own accord. - Randy is..Randy. I'm not really putting a whole lot here. He comes off extremely weird to me and I'm not feeling it. - Roxy and Randy both share the same trait they don't mind expressing: their messy players. I'm not one to want to play with people who are going to knowingly make things difficult for me in this game moving forward. I feel like getting out people who tend to be wildcards for my individual game will boost my ability to better know the personalities I surround myself with. Intended Target: Roxy Reason: I had a call with Sam and discussed some feelings about the challenge for the flag that had taken place. In my individual opinion, expressing the idea of putting in effort for a challenge and then doing the opposite of what you said you would do, shows a false sense of sportsmanship and that bothers me. Roxy said she would make a temporary flag as a concept, but never did and constantly said "I'm lazy, so I don't want to do it." Adding on to the reason above, I was asked if I wanted to be added to a call with Sam by Roxy as they were both speaking with each other and I said I wouldn't mind joining. We both tried asking Roxy about potential ideas for the vote off and Roxy made it clear that Regan would be too easy to get rid of. Then came the critical point of the conversation where Roxy would bring up Cameron and Drew's names, stating that Drew apparently has a bad or weird reputation in the Tumblr community of games, but this is COSTA RICA not any other game. She also stated in regards to Cameron word for word that, "I just think Cameron talks about themselves too much in the main chat, and that brings people to feel for them more, and that makes them look bad" and this was in relation to when Cameron stated he was in the hospital. I found that to be extremely bothersome because otherwise, Cameron has never talked about himself constantly or anything like that. My intentions are to pull myself, Drew, Cameron, Jill, Sam and Jay to vote out Roxy. I started the idea when I asked Sam on call blatantly and he agreed and I calmly took it by step. That's all I have folks! I hope this works out and if for some odd reason I go home first, well then it was fun while it lasted! 

Okay so I need to catch yall up on how shit can turn into bliss SO reward I literally ate shit in. i scored to lowest out of everybody in the whole cast. Making myself inferior to competition flops like Chrissa. So that wasnt really well. However my soccial game has been stepping up. Even though im lacking a little bit in the pm part of my game. I have been having good chemistry with literally everybody in the tribe chat. I have also led us in the flag immunity. So me and Cameron made a flag. And the tribe had to pick which one, and it was pretty set even. I do think the end result wouldve been the same but it was nice to see people on my side and supporting me. So then we lose the tribal flag, and im literally yeeted away from the tribe. Which is really good since with this tribal vote i wouldve been thrown under the bus. allegedely roxy has been throwing names around, and had i stayed in the tribe it might of been my name that was thrown around since it was my flag that lost. so im happy to avoid the drama of the first vote. but now that people have bonded since roxy's polarization im starting to become more outcasted. I just need go stronger for immunities and amp up my social game even more. Since ive been to the other tribe I have a feeling on whats happening. Cole is aligned with all them bitches. Literally Madison Louise are people he's played with before, and when we talked in pms he said this tribe is full of his friends. He is very safe in his tribe which is really nice. Since the League of Gays need to work together at the merge : ~)