#i will spiral if tht happens LOL

[hyvee]

Just scheduled a second interview for a full time position🕺

[vampyrluver]

its times like this where i am reminded why i am on anti anxiety meds

[nohoney]

miss the us series too!! on tht note wonder what would’ve happened if touya and keigo found out reader and tomura’s exchanges during their supposed sobriety period lol

omg it’d be a shitshow :(

it would be the worst that touya has ever blown up. not only were you still doing drugs behind his back—you were getting them from shigaraki of all people.

warnings: drug use, toxic relationship, infidelity

“Are you fucking kidding me!”

You sob openly and blubber apologies to Touya and Keigo for going behind their back. They walked in on you snorting a line off the coffee table, one line taken perfectly but the other smeared when they walked in. The world was deathly still for a few seconds before Touya marched right up to you and snatched you up to drag you away from the coffee table.

There’s no excuse you can give them to justify what you were found doing.

He’d been yelling at you for the last twenty minutes.

“Haven’t I done enough for you?! Haven’t we,” Touya gestures to Keigo standing off to the side, “done enough? We promised to do better and this is how you repay us!!”

All this agonizing work so that you didn’t leave him, Touya grit his teeth and put himself in uncomfortable places for you. After your freak out inside the closet door he put you in, he forgave you for wanting more drugs more than wanting him in that moment and promised to do what he could for you. After everything, Touya didn’t want you to cry anymore because of him. Nothing was perfect but he believed that things were better when he saw you become less depressed after he’d open up slowly and you were on your sobriety break, swearing that you felt better.

“I’m sorry!” You sob harder, lowering your head into your hands and cry, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

Touya brushes his hair back briefly before he clenched his hand into a fist. He wants to punch a hole in the wall and he wants to yell at you more. But he knows that will make everything worse, that you’d end up spiraling like last time and throw yourself into another bender if he were to up and leave.

He should have known; he made you this way. But if you’re going to feen, he will be the only one you ever go to.

“Is that all you have to say? You’re sorry?” Keigo speaks up, looking just as pained, “Are we really still so bad to you that you need something to deal with us?”

I thought we were better.

“No! No!” You shake your head but inside, you do still agonize that you’re not as happy as you want to be with them, “You’re better! Y-You’re trying more!”

Keigo points to the coffee table dusted with cocaine, “Explain that then.”

“I… I…” you stutter to try to find an explanation but you can’t. It’s apart of you now, needing drugs to sort your thoughts and emotions, you didn’t know how to process the big emotions without needing them now. “I… need it.”

“Where are you getting it from?” Touya asks, leveling with you as kneels down in front of you to look you in the eye. He’s testing to see if you’re going to lie to him because he already knows where you’re getting it from. Touya is testing your loyalty to him too. “Who’s supplying you?”

You know he knows.

You bite your bottom lip when more tears sting your eyes, but you know that crying won’t make either one of them back off. Keigo won’t comfort you and Touya won’t forgive you. “Shigaraki.”

“Fucking bitch!” Touya curses, “Since when?”

“… A couple of weeks after our big fight.” You confess.

Keigo puts his hand over his mouth and Touya stands up to pace to the other side of the room. All you can hear is Touya trying to control his breathing. Your nails dig into the flesh of your palm and you curse yourself for not being smarter for snorting behind a locked door.

“Put your phone out and call him.”

Reluctantly you pull your phone out and go to your recent messages. You tap on the hidden name Shigaraki is under and start a phone call on speaker. The line rings for what seems like forever and your anxiety climbs higher. You’re not sure what Touya would do if the phone call isn’t answered.

“Hello?” Shigaraki’s tired voice answers after so many rings.

Touya is quick to grab your phone and speak into it himself, “Don’t ever call her ever again. Lose her number and be ready to see me in half an hour.” He ends the phone call and holds it out to you, “Delete his number in front of me now.”

Your hands shake as you do as you’re told.

A part of you will miss Shigaraki but you couldn’t lose Touya or Keigo.

“You share any photos? Have any secret apps? Huh?” Touya grills you even further but you hold your phone back out to him, a silent offering for him to verify yourself. “Be honest with me: did you use him only for getting more drugs?”

Your eyesight is blurry as you cry more and you nod your head.

“Nothing more than that?” Keigo asks, finally moving from his spot to approach you too. “Swear to us?”

“Yes… I just… You took it away and I didn’t know how-“ you start to explain but a small tut makes you stop speaking. Touya reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small baggy, fat rocks of cocaine that typically make you excited but you shrink when he hands it out. “I don’t want-“

“Yes, you do.” Touya insists with no room for argument, “If all you’re missing is drugs then take this from me. You don’t need him if that’s all you wanted. I always told you to take only from me and me alone. You don’t want to be clean? Fine, I was only thinking of you but whatever. You will not go behind our backs again.”

The baggy is tossed onto the table and Touya roughly holds your jaw in his palm to make you look up at him. His fingers dig into your cheeks but you don’t dare voice any discomfort. “I fucking love you but I am not happy with you right now. You betrayed us.”

“I… I love you.” You whisper, “Both of you.”

Keigo’s hand touches your knee but there’s no comfort in his touch.

Touya leaves and you sob quietly in your spot with Keigo only sitting quietly nearby. He’s processing everything silently at first before reaching for the baggy. A rock is broken down and he makes two neat lines, snorting one through a rolled up bill and holds it out to you.

“Keigo please, not right now. I don’t want to.” you plead quietly. You’re still trying to calm yourself but when Touya comes back home, you’re not sure what’s going to happen. All you know is that things will not be okay for a long while and this time, it’s your fault.

“I know you do… little coke fiend.” Keigo mocks you with the name that makes you frown.

It’s late when Touya finally returns. He’s still visibly angry, his jaw is still clenched and his eyes immediately seek you out. Keigo has your phone in his hand, having done a full sweep of any other evidence that he thought you might be hiding. He was grateful that the only secret you had on your phone was just Shigaraki but now it only serves him to be wary of you for a while.

You just showed you’re capable of being sneaky and keeping a very solid secret. He really did believe that the sobriety was making you better again, and it disappoints Keigo that you’d come out like this.

“I’m tired and we’re going to bed.” Touya states for all of you, “I’m over this fuck-ass day.”

“Are we… are we going to…?” You ask but can’t quite bring yourself to come up with the words. You wonder if he’ll take out his anger on you through sex. Part of you anticipates it and the other half worries how much he’ll break you.

Touya shakes his head and tells you a gruff, “No. I’m too angry at you.”

You deflate, unsure if you’re relieved or worried. But when Touya walks by you, you smell another girl on him and you instantly stand up as if you’re going to confront him. He said he dropped all the other girls for you! He said he stopped! He said that he was done!

“You have something you want to say?” Touya dares you to say something. A part of him feels guilty because he did promise that he was done with fucking other girls while he was with you. But he’s more satisfied that he hurt you back. “Well?”

Keigo moves from his seat and ushers you to the bedroom, kissing your head and tells you to just change. He didn’t think Touya would go off and sleep with another girl again but he doesn’t bother to reprimand him. If anything, he wishes he could do the same to hurt you too.

Maybe he will.

Touya showers off whatever bitch he had on him, smelling like himself again, but there’s no comfort in it like the way it used to be. The three of you lay together, this being the very first time both the boys sleep with their back to you as you lay in the middle.

All the work put in by the three of you to try to improve and be better, all of it thrown out in just a few hours.

The bag of cocaine was still on the table and you decide that you’d rather be with it instead of laying in a bed that you know you won’t get rest in. They feel you leave and they don’t stop you.

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

Pooperz

every song i listen 2 from now ONN / mo0bin forwarDDt HAZ to hav the redbone tune underneath it (song can b layered a bunch) n Thtz w NO eggceptions n settling . :-] N if u fuk me thru a soundcloud ad Thts how I kno u love me <3 .!!! i wrote a lil poetry zine on “on loving a trans boy” Cuz. like. idk. Not 2 get 222 personal but (Also if 222 is ur angel number i HATE U AND fuck U!!!!) it diff to experience as a queer person whut it lik to giv someone they T shot n lik actually see them grow n change thru it .!

Part of the poem i wrote (it on my poetry Ig account and tumblR) :

“the first time u intertwine ur body with him u will feel the pain it took for him to get here. yet all the strength. the battle the bruises the scars. u change ur semantics. and pay attention to his movements. resonate with the feeling of familiarity in a body torn open but completely soft. and the clothes are off. and we are both nude. but the vagina still remains an open wound. something u can not bandage. only describe as something reclaimed.”

Deezz NUTZ jk i mean Dis Week ish has been sad n i hav been doin 2 much blow n spiraling upwards Alwayzz n finding out u kan txt tha Suicide hotline now instead of Kall <3 *_* :-D !!!!! Also b4 they connect u with somEoNe they Ask if Ur Gay lmao cuz there a specialist Gay Person who knowz how to talk to u in a better way.?! i Tink watching Ded Poet Society triggered meH LOl. wellbutt anywayZzz.!!!! Nyfw w is overrrrr n I had nothing 2 do wiff it :/] but moi bestie dante Had a styling gig n wuz AMWZINGGGGGG.!!! :3 we went to a fashion show n Skipt line while he farted rly loud < im sry im puttin u on blast rn Babezz. > then blamed iT on Meh which bc of swiss army man A24 movie i WilL take tha blame cuz intimacy exists rly in Flatchulance n also sharing toilet 2gether in the backstage models bathroom of tha Fashion show resNorting old K we find our nostrils then Mixing rando drinkz we find on the makeup tablezz n bein surprised Dere r keBoobZ there n Pb n J sammyz. liK oK go OFF n actually b a professhh Fashion Show…!!!! den we fake watched tha superbowl at Hush in midtown N almost lost Praying”Gods FavZ” purse n i was caught littering my almond chocolate soy Milk on a stripper stage . Run!!!!! also dat E pill wuz rly cute it wuz pink n crown shaped but Wuz everything kinda not as happy and super blurry..!!! ?

Dissh week i also Swuirted to clairo nitecore edition :-]] n h8 havin adhd but at least im kNo how 2 eat salami by the Chub. (thts whut google calls it.) Hehehhehehehehe. gettin moi diagnosis finalized Tmrw hopefully n Gettin on Summ medicinez. im v adhd hyper fixated Rn on ice spice who Wuz also suppoSt 2 pull up 2 dat fashion show we were at butt didn’t. 4 now , everything Reminds meh of her</3 ….. Orange cones on tha st , pepper grinderzz/ shakers (spice) , 5 chinese spice , my friends dog “lunch” boXxx cuz his name rhymes w munch n n n n n Yah lik honestly Everything . ?!.?!

WakiNg Up w Negativez in my account cuz my Boss not bossa Nova forgot 2 paY meH ovEr thA course of Tha Last month N i didn’t even kno til i wuz in my Sexy crushes bed listening 2 Imogen heAp N In Tha Clurbb mixx by Sandalz n they wrote poetry 4 ffivee hours straight n My tummy hurteD fuz i was drinkin truffle SoY saUce from the bottle and i wuz manically checking my Bank statements 2 submit to Snapp HRA crackle Pop Rice Krispieeezzz. Also all of dis happened w a singulaR Vegan Taiwanese green onion pAnc@Ke on the floor on a chacoochie board with bulgolgi and kimchi n more truffle soy sauce . Untouched .

alSo found Untouched by the Veronicas on soundcloud but lik sped up n Holy shit i hav loved this song forever but literally lik YO diss is my heart..?!!!!!! “And I don't give a damn what they say, or what they think, think

'Cause you're the only one who's on my mind

I'll never, ever let you leave me

I'll try to stop time forever

Never wanna hear you say goodbye

I feel so untouched and I want you so much

That I just can't resist you

It's not enough to say that I miss you

And I need you so much

See you, breathe you

I want to be you

You can take, take, t-take, take, time, time

To live, live the way you gotta, gotta live your life

Give me, give me, give me all of you, you

Don't be scared, of seeing through the loneliness

I want it more, more, more

Don't even think about what's right or wrong, or wrong or right

'Cause in the end it's only you and me

And no one else is going to be around

To answer all the questions left behind

And you and I are meant to be

So even if the world falls down today

You've still got me to hold you up, up

And I will never let you down, down”

<33333

Y does it feel like moi crush doesnT like me rn. :-[ N Y do lesbians Always hav the MOST unstable Housing situationZ??? then either wanna UHaul with U or move to ASTORIA .?!? Also i hope all of u make assumptions about my sexuality bcuz i Rly rly rly like whipt cream from the Can , and raw . Emphasis on whiPped. n Cream. n RAWr xD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MEOW MEOW RAWR RAWR GRERRR!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i kant keep rereading the msg i didn’t Send i ended up calling n yelling n Thts whut got meh bLocked. :-[[ Rugratzs .!!! i luv staying up watching movies w my friends ex’s Im tryna get wiff and Accidwntally thinking K is coke and feeling lik SHIT butt watchin every1 giv intense eye contact n cleanin da house n then losing tha dog Lik WHTFFF.?! Then All of a sudden that plug pulls up N everyone is confused N also randomly the guy living upstairs has my iPhone location N pulls downstairs 2 hangs:-]]] i always wonder if I’m popular but in reality i am just breaking oUt on my ForeheAd cuz all i eat is fried Chiggen N moi green haired browneyedd luver looks like invader zimm sometimezz alotta Da time n i think they r SKUTE.!! n i lik their lisp! im SAD sad my 2/2 cis male friend is gOnna print out a sign on his door Dat Says “blood OathinG” with a Red Circle around it n a Line around it basically sayin NOOOOOoooOoOoOoT allowed.!! butt ima blood oath wiffhh invader Jim dish nxt week n it is a PLANZZ.!!

i wrote a poem ab our phone Kall tht has impacted meh m my heart n also this is a snippet of 1 of my poems in my new book i still writing Kalled STRAWBERRY DELIRIUM :-}}”my friends don’t wanna die anymore they wanna live . they don’t wanna slip away to shreds with fentanyl test strips. they still wanna snort k n apologize for being gay but we all r human longing for all of this…” N another poem tht explainzz this blog title. Cuz i luv my fwendz n shared a moment in which we found popperz.

“Felt that rush on my head

as i laid in ur bed

and found a vile hidden

under ur pillow

u laugh and i manically panic

turning bright lite crimson red

And when it spills all over ur arms

drip dropping like tap water

i snort it all off ur arms

and i h a t e the way it makes me feel

similar to the feeling like ill fall

when im in my platform shoes

going up n down ur spiral stair case that looks like slices of cheesecakes

and u sigh scream cuz u never liked them at all

and hate is a strong word but so is love

And i hate the way the poppers make me feel

but i do love you “

okIkkkKkkkKkk i kinda hate that poem but whatever. sooo Vday wuz cute it is n0T only single awareness day but reflecting on ur situationsjips day n feeling sad ab it day but whatev. NormalZe watching cHaterbAte on the subWay n mindIng ur FooOoking Business?..!! my Friends say if i were a sammicH i wuld b a caprese. butt i feel like a ruben. #misunderstood <\3 i hav been watching SM hellokitty n Fwendzz n realized am kuromi and hello kitty is my friend .!!! N i listen to metal N rock w my headphonezz Real Hi n Loud n mak moi own clothes .! N i hav a crush on badtzmaru cuz they look like a penguin dyke n their gender is X.!! <3 <3 🐧 🫶🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍👩🏻 they r epitome of sapphic Desirezz n untoxic uhaul luv<3 :-]

tIL nxt week.?? Carl wheezer luver n Cali King bed listener on Max volume on subway N my big three is adderal sun , ketamine moon , cocaine rising <3 Also no i did NOT clog tha toilet at a house party after party this week N no i did not need help unclogging it N no i don’t even poop or do popperz cuz i’m PERFECT…!!!!!!!<333

Xoxo,

Rennybabycutebabyangel plz buy my clothes n ask ab my story sale / failed depop. :-]

[pepprs]

hi still doing not that great but im better today i guess like at least i didn’t have another coronavirus nightmare last night and i have been reassured (although not convincingly) that i have not in fact ruined everything so that’s something although again i am Not Convinced. i was just gonna say something else and now i forgot it so im just gonna post this and go i guess

[cvastals]

ok heres my 8th char * starts crying cuz im getting ahead of myself bt idc ig *

* brenton thwaites, cis man + he/him  | you know abel romanov, right? they’re twenty-seven, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, their whole life on and off? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to the system only dreams in total darkness by the national like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole ordering coffee with an ice cube because you’re too impatient to wait for it to cool, unhealthy obsession with everything being perfect, forcing on a smile so often it aches thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is december 3rd, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

background.

second child 2 senator vaughn and philanthropist adelaide who’s currently running for irving’s mayor, younger brother of cain!! the romanov’s r quite well known fr their All American n Lavish lifestyle

growing up abel worshiped cain he was the cool older sibling who cld do it all n still maintain the lifestyle he wanted/their parents expected n abel wanted nothing more than to follow in their footsteps

he tried his best to keep up, did everything cain did, but his grades were always just a bit lower, or his form was always just a bit off, he always felt second fiddle, like it was his role in life as the second child

abel ignored it the best he could for most of his life but he started to notice a different side of cain that he didn’t show their family and a side that :/ abel didn’t like or know at all that was quite vile and this was when some resentment started to form bc their parents thought of cain as their Golden Child n didnt see what was going on behind the scenes whereas abel tried his best to be genuinely good if he could help it

by his senior year of high school things were starting to look up a bit, his already rly good grades were managing to improve, he was on a bunch of social teams, and the coach was saying it was looking good for him to become captain of the soccer team by his second semester, which would look good for scholarships

bt bc i hate my muses obviously this was not going to happen?

abel was still subconsciously trying to impress his family, his siblings, the people around him, wearing himself out until he was stretched far too thin, and he paid for it with one wrong move during a soccer game that had his knee popping out of place and shattering

it was really really really bad, he was in a cast for a few months bc it needed several surgeries, obviously sports were permanently out of his future, he still walks with a limp in his right and is in need of a cane to this day

this sent abel into a really bad depressive spiral sighs that he didn’t really talk to anyone about cause he’d trained himself at that point to just keep things to himself and never reveal his emotions so that no one could catch him vulnerable or have an upper hand on him

however this was the final nudge he needed to really become his Own Person after realizing it’d gone too far and he’d gotten too bad (on medication now to regulate when he gets out of control/starts to get bad again bc it does happen from time to time)

told his parents fk ur money! n moved out of home, had a rly lovely letter of recommendation from airi’s dad that got him into medical school, started joining different teams tht he thought wld b more fun (radio, chess, etc.), starting to distance himself from his siblings a bit too (mostly out of shame)

personality.

rly started to loosen up, threw a lot of parties at the romanov summer beach house without telling his parents n would purposely act out/make more friends than he ever had trying to uphold the family image

is still . quite stiff around the edges to this day tho, thinks everything through and has like daily planners he writes down his entire days in to the Second old habits die hard its jst how he functions at this point

had another rly rly bad depressive episode when cain went missing bt like everything he does? he internalized it baybee!

is like overly nice tho he just rly struggles expressing himself/being openly emotional and vulnerable with ppl he thinks they’ll view it as weakness tho he’s a bit desperate to properly let someone in

when cain came back (will b explained in james’ bio) their parents encouraged abel to keep an eye on them n it made abel :/ another reason fr resentment in his eyes (he still loves his brother bt bc hes so bad at expressing himself he thinks hes gna make cain worse if anything)

has been with several ppl bc hes kinda desperate fr approval/fr ppl to need him so hes been quite a good bf in the past bt his incapability to properly open up has put a real Damper on things

likes to think hes in perfect control of his emotions bt explodes a lot bc hes bottled things up fr years

is in no way a Bros Bro but will blush over his shirtless guy friends sometimes then b like . awww so endearing of me i must love my friends sm<3 like jst doesn’t realize he’s Bi LKSHDGKLHSDKLG he wldnt even freak out if he found out he’s just clueless.

thts all . i can think of now ok bye<3

connections.

exes???? he wld have a Few methinks

fwb’s/past hookups/ur regular old Spice

obvs he’s never been w a guy before but i am So Desperate fr a funny/cute plot where a friend or even jst a random hits on him/Opens His Eyes and he goes wow this is all starting to make sense.

ppl he has a crush on…………. bt wld never say anything abt it . in his current Frivolously Unemotionally Emotional state

family friends/ppl he grew up with?? or ppl who knew him before he separated himself from his family a bit n knew him as a diff guy n is like ‘omg wtf lol’ now

obvs . some friends Bleathe

enemies?? ppl who he got annoyed with n jst lost it on bc it was a wrong place wrong time Situation.

thts all i can think of rn very basic bt teehee

[5h4rk1zzl3]

mmmm im tryna avoid binging rn and am bored and we know how tht leads to it soooooo im gonna do all 30 days in one post :)

day 1- idk the exact tbh. dont have a weigh scale at my house bc everyone else is naturally skinny but me, im gonna try and buy one soon tho.

day 2- around 5'4 ehhh im not terribly mad about it but i definitely would prefer to be taller.

day 3- a pic of my thinspiration and why:

i really like how their shoulders are boney & the skinny limbs & the slight abs omg & the collar bones AHHHH

day 4- tbhhh i have quite a few fears:

-i wont look how i wanna look at my ugw

-stretch marks wont fade enough & will still be just as bad when im skinny

-saggy skin :/ im loosing around 60 lbs so i think that might happen idk tho

-people wont even realize i lost weight??? idk i feel like ppl arent even gonna realize for some reason bc i only wear all baggy clothes anyways idk makes no sense cos u can still tell but whtever

-ppl will still view me as the fat sister.... uh idk i just always have been it and i feel like ill still be viewed as it even when im skinny

-ill gain it all back ¿¿ kinda cliche but it already happened to me and i dont wanna let it happen it time.

day 5- yeah im doing it for myself mostly but theres alotta reasons like the main one being i used to be skinny and was so much happier and more comfortable then... but theres alotta smaller reasons like maybe get more (good) attention, get praise from ppl, can wear better clothes, idk not feel so insecure

day 6- yeahhhhhhhhh uhhh i think mostly it happens when i get mad and then i cant help myself :| i gotta work on that but ive been pretty good with it for the past 2 months actually i have binged a fee times but each time i worked out enough to kinda even it out i feel like (if tht even makes sense)

day 7- yeah but they think im doing it healthily because i lie abt my cals

day 8-mostly running on a treadmill

day 9- uhmmm no not rlly besides my parents... actually yeah maybe some of my exes friends :|

day 10- time tbh... the amount of time i spend working out is insane im so behind on all my fkn school work

day 11- idk i dont rlly keep track of blogs i kinda use pinterest for thinspo mostly

day 12-alot of string beans, strawberries & tht 45 calorie toast

day 13- its been pretty healthy because i wanted to avoid going down a spiral again. (eating 1500 working out for 1.5 hours) but im seeing no results and i been doing this for 2 months and now i feel myself starting to slip. ive been eating under 500 for the past week and starting to work out for 2-4 hours a day

day 14- 95, idk i was supposed to reach it by the end of july but now i think it may take alot longer :/

day 15- no

day 16- 2 months ago i used to be pretty skinny march of 2020 and then covid happened and i gained like 40 lbs in a year and now i wanna get back down

day 17- idk?????? sometimes i think i do but no im not diagnosed, like last year i used adderall to loose weight and idk if that counts as one but i wish i could do tht again but cant get my hands on any

day 18- bagels omg. so high in cals. so yummy. like i cant afford it bc ONE is 290 cals and then i always put butter so another 80 (relatively low cal butter)

day 19- its actually been a while so i had to check the door dash app lol. but may 1st i ordered popeyes :,) mostly for my family

day 20- none. i dont diet i just count calories

day 21- idk?????? i wear xlarge hoodies & sweats everyday

day 22-i think around 120, covid and a mix of my bf breaking up wm caused me to be super depressed and i gained sm up to 170

day 23- yeah i wanna look like all the perfect ppl i see

day 24- i dont like it like idk why ppl would be pro why would u wish it upon anyone.

day 25- yeahhhhhhhhh i did before but i learned now not to because it honestly doesnt get rid of all the calories & leaves u hungrier but i did a year ago

day 26- TBHHHHH having sex again LMAOO i havent since i got fat bc im too insecure

day 27- not well :|

day 28- YES. my mom & sister both have it and i want it SO BAD. i didnt even have it a year ago when i was at my lowest weight which is so annoying

day 29- sebastian stan😍😍😍😍😍LMAOOOOOO

day 30- 10 facts ab me

1- im scared of driving a car LMAOO

2- total insomniac

3- can run a 5 min mile (at 0 incline tho)

4- read ALOT

5- obsessed w marvel

6- in love w sebastian stan :,)

7- love jetskiing

8- gonna move to nyc in a year

9- love coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

10- currently am failing 4/6 of my classes

[gayregis]

blood and wine rewrite au basic layout

i already posted something like this before but i cant find the post so im just rewriting all of this from the top of my head

everyone’s repurposed roles:

geralt - he’s still a witcher. he’s geralt of rivia. obviously. i don’t have time or interest to think about how to rewrite the entire witcher 3 game to be lore-friendly, but i assume there would be less triss and more dandelion involved in it. for this let’s just take him as geralt having done everything in tw3 but with the personality of geralt from the books because geralt from the games doesn’t have much of a strong personality good for writing or thinking about.

regis - a bitch. nah jk. he’s same regis but just what he was like 100 years ago when he got his head cut off. he’s less spiralling-into-doom than he was then, and is less desperate and hopeless overall, but is slowly getting there once again. he doesn’t remember anything about learning from his mistakes and becoming a good person, because this regis didn’t get any of that. to this regis, it’s like no time has passed at all since he died, and he’s ready to start partying again without any thought of the consequences. he’s moved to toussaint because everyone’s already tipsy there and the north is plagued by war so it’s not a really great source to be drinking from (like if there was a sewage leak near the vineyard you sourced your wine from). he doesn’t remember anything about maturing up or about becoming a surgeon or about the hansa, so that sucks.

dettlaff - not a fucking maniac. actually a character geralt will likely spend a good amount of time talking to. total character overhaul because he does not have a personality in the actual DLC. he arrived in toussaint because he had heard that regis had returned and wanted to fix things wih him, he had previously left him.

syanna - not a fucking dumbass, yet still naive in her own way due to being blinded with the promise of power. in this, she is planning to stage a coup on the duchy (because she is the older sister, so it IS her right by law) and she supports regis’ slow dive again into uncontrollable insanity because it helps her prop up rumors that her sister’s reign is ineffective against real threats and is cursed. but this alliance does not go as she planned...

orianna -  in this, she is the owner of a gladiatorial school (instead of an orphanage), and is still like in canon a wealthy and influential individual of beauclair, yet reclusive from human society. she is regis’ best friend and goads him on, because she never fixed her own issues with alcoholism and now is elated to have him back and forgetting that they had disagreements which drove them apart in the first place. they’re best friends (NO romance) and it’s just good to see how insanely different orianna and geralt are because they’ve both been regis’ close friends at different points in time.

the purpose of this:

fix regis’ relationships with the vampires. he slowly drove all of his good friends away by going off the deep end and many are likely wondering whatever happened to him. but books regis would never consider partying like that again, so we bring the party regis back and then slowly de-escalate him into normal books regis again, and we finally get closure with him and his old friends.

cool dramatic stereotypical vampire shit. i’m talking about a final battle or conversation in a giant dark castle with large open windows and billowing drapery.

regis’s hairstyle

give syanna actual agency as a character and give her motivations that extend beyond pure revenge (although they are related to revenge) and make her more unique so she is not just a ripoff of renfri. 

demonstrate anna henrietta and geralt’s relationship as it was in the books. he was genuinely intimidated by her and i interpret him as being jealous of her relationship with dandelion, so he in practice was quite withdrawn around her as she was her overemotional and embellished self

give dettlaff an actual character, holy shit. i hate how sorely underdeveloped he is in the game. i understand why because it’s not meant to be writing, it’s meant to be a video game, but come on. i hate having the vampire with the cool character design be the ultimate villain of the whole narrative. in this, he’s someone geralt can talk to and sees himself in. he’s emotionally mature and doesn’t mix with the other vampires. since we already know what regis is like, we don’t have to sit through dettlaff making excuses for him and trying to describe what his character is like. we also get a better view of regis’ past through dettlaff’s lense. 

give orianna an actual character, holy shit. i hate how they didn’t even try with her and just used her as a “surprise, she is quite evil!” gimmick. have her actually have a larder for blood that is lore-friendly yet still jumps out at the audience as morally wrong.  give her more personality and development.

examine regis’ backstory without actually getting into every single year of those 4 centuries. we can examine how it started good, turned bad, went worse... there’s a lot of loss involved and i think this would be nice to process it.

roughly what happens (under cut because if i ever do write this fic out, this is spoilers, literally the synopsis of the whole thing):

anna henrietta sends envoys to geralt. they establish that the duchess has no conflict with geralt and that her conflict was with dandelion, only. she has requested his help because he effectively dealt with many monsters while he was in beauclair and established a trustworthy reputation (also, he’s famous, and toussaintoirs are superficial). instead of the beast of beauclair killing particular victims, it’s the countryside which has been plagued by vicious attacks of the devil knows what.

geralt arrives and examines the scenes of the attacks. the sincere majority of the victims are alive, so he speaks to them. they remember nothing, but woke up with their village fucking absolutely trashed and with vomit everywhere. they all have wounds on their necks. geralt thinks he knows what’s up, but is reluctant to deal with it because of his memories of regis, who he misses

damien de la tour is assigned to geralt as a sort of backup. they argue and geralt manages to get him to stay put in beauclair while he rides to a village they believe will be attacked next. it’s not even a full moon so the vampires don’t even come out in their bat form (disappointing) but instead just mesmerize their way in in humanoid form. dettlaff sneaks up on geralt who is (ahem) staking out the situation, and is like hey dont kill regis hes not evil hes just misguided!! and geralt is like REGIS? EMIEL REGIS? THTS WHO’S LEADING THEM? i ..... i know him.... and dettlaff’s like what the fuck how... then they get caught and regis is like oh hey dettlaff who’s this guy and geralt feels very left out :( and also sad bc regis doesnt remember shit and geralt even lists the hansa members by name and regis is still like O_O ok yeah im just going to hypnotize you to get lost ok goodbye! but dettlaff prevents him from doing this and they both get thrown out of the party.

after the party geralt is a mess and is like wtf so hes back and what... how... huh... and dettlaff doesnt know how he returned or why he returned either but they compare geralt’s knowledge of how regis died with dettlaff’s knowledge of how regeneration works and they figure out that regis just regenerated from his past body and that’s why he doesn’t have any of his memories from when he turned good.

then they eavesdrop a little more and find out that syanna has been talking to regis and making deals with him (its... not really like she thinks, regis really hasnt been doing anything he doesnt want to. shes just like “hey can you attack this village here” and regis is like yeah i was gonna host a party there tomorrow night ...) so they are like who the fuck is this woman and track her down to her base of operations, and then they find out that THEY got followed by damien de la tour, who identifies her as sylvia anna. geralt is a little miffed on behalf of dandelion that damien seems to be so close to anna henrietta but i digress.

geralt reports his findings to the duchess but does NOT mention regis because the duchess knows who regis is. then we get the same vampire talk from canon b&w where the duchess and damien are sorely misinformed on every single thing ever.

geralt is defeated and has no idea on how to fix this and hes looking hard into a mirror by candlelight and then decides to go to bed so he turns around and regis is right behind him like hey. cue ‘holy shit what the fuck’ moment and freaking out. regis explains himself and says that he doesnt remember him but the fact that he gave so many specifics weirded him out and he kind of wants to know more out of curiosity. also he wants to talk to dettlaff but feels too bad about how he argued with him like 3 centuries ago that he cant just ask him directly.

so they talk and geralt is all :(( and regis is like ok well. i kinda want to get these memories back because they sound pretty significant and also im pretty miserable. but also im not going to stop partying bc its the only thing that makes me feel alive rn. so long!

geralt and dettlaff talk to orianna and she dislikes them both but still talks to them and then regis materializes and also begins bothering them and its quite civil but this scene just serves to demonstrate how annoying they are as friends lol

there’s scenes where you can either save damien / syanna from being unalived by the vampires’ / regis’ hand, only if you let syanna die will the duchess be mad and accuse you of being heartless like dandelion is and then geralt and the duchess actually get into an argument bc of that comment but geralt ofc loses bc hes scared of her lol

no matter what you get regis his memories back but your decisions to either continue helping him or not is what makes him change or not. even after he gets his memories back (or because he gets his memories back?) he decides to raze beauclair bc hes just so fucking miserable and geralt has to talk him down, if you are harsh and not understanding and shame him etc then he doesnt change, if you condemn his actions but still offer your support then he does.

if you offer your support > geralt talks about the hansa like For Ever and regis then adds in everything and yay regis is back to normal. theres like a wholesome montage of geralt being like “just TRY to sew up a wound i promise you you will be good at it” and regis does and hes splendid at it. regis and dettlaff finally make up and are bros once again. we help orianna with her issues and she realizes stuff but is still going to have a drink once in a while. if syanna is alive she doesnt hate on any of this but just decides to make up with the duchess and then become captain of the guard (damien gets fired for being a dumbass).

if you do not offer your support > regis goes to cry in a delapidated creepy old castle and you have an epic fight (geralt is backed up by dettlaff) and he turns into a bat and geralt almost dies, they manage to decapitate regis again and put him in the ground and set a timer for 50 years

if you redeem regis then there’s an ending scene where the duchess is like “oh regis i didnt know you were in town” and hes just like <:) ahaha... yeah...

cue crying about milva/cahir/angouleme For Ever. maybe link this with the fic where geralt and regis bring them all back as ghosts/real ppl and then they have to deal with those consequences

[abelromanov]

its me bri again i dnt kno my limits dnt lk at me bye. anywhomst this muse is very very new bt i have ? most of his background n personality figured out methinks so give this a Cheeky Like if u want 2 plot!!!

『BRENTON THWAITES ❙ CISMALE 』 ⟿ looks like ABEL ROMANOV is here for HIS SENIOR year as a PRE-MEDICINE student. HE is 24 years old & known to be ARDENT, CONSIDERATE, RIGID & AGGRESSIVE. They’re living in MORIS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ bri. 22. est. she/they.

stats.

name: abel camille romanov.

age: twenty four.

gender identity: cis-male.

pronouns: he/him.

sexuality: bisexual.

birthday: december 3rd.

star sign: sagittarius.

myer-briggs: estj.

year of study: senior.

major: pre-medicine.

occupation: n/a.

place of birth: stratford, connecticut.

religion: catholic.

about.

second child 2 senator vaughn and philanthropist adelaide, younger brother of cain!! the romanov’s r quite well known fr their All American n Lavish lifestyle which can b read all abt HERE in cain’s intro yeehaw! (im lazy)

growing up abel worshiped cain he was the cool older brother who cld do it all n still maintain the lifestyle he wanted/their parents expected n abel wanted nothing more than to follow in his footsteps

he tried his best to keep up, did everything cain did, but his grades were always just a bit lower, or his form was always just a bit off, he always felt second fiddle, like it was his role in life as the second child

abel ignored it the best he could for most of his life but he started to notice a different side of cain that he didn’t show their family and a side that :/ abel didn’t like or know at all that was quite vile and this was when some resentment started to form bc their parents thought of cain as their Golden Child n didnt see what was going on behind the scenes whereas abel tried his best to be genuinely good if he could help it

by the time he got to radcliffe, things were starting to look up a bit, his already rly gd grades were managing to improve, he was on a bunch of teams, and the coach was saying it was looking good for him to become captain of the soccer team by his sophomore year

bt bc i hate my muses obviously this was not going to happen?

though things were looking up abel was still subconsciously trying to impress his family, his siblings, the people around him, wearing himself out until he was stretched far too thin, and he paid for it with one wrong move during a soccer game that had his knee popping out of place and shattering

it was really really really bad, he was in a cast for a few months bc it needed several surgeries, obviously sports were permanently out of his future, he still walks with a limp in his right leg to this day

this sent abel into a really bad depressive spiral sighs that he didn’t really talk to anyone about cause he’d trained himself at that point to just keep things to himself and never reveal his emotions so that no one could catch him vulnerable or have an upper hand on him

however this was the final nudge he needed to really become his Own Person after realizing it’d gone too far and he’d gotten too bad (on medication now to regulate when he gets out of control/starts to get bad again bc it does happen from time to time)

told his parents fk ur money! n moved out of perkins so that he could become an RA in moris, started joining different teams tht he thought wld b more fun (radio, chess, etc.), starting to distance himself from his siblings a lot too

this was when he rly started to loosen up a lot too he was . a very Boring Lame man before frankly bt got into the world of Parties n made way more friends than he ever did trying to uphold the family image

is still . quite stiff around the edges to this day tho, thinks everything through and has like daily planners he writes down his entire days in to the Second old habits die hard its jst how he functions at this point

had another rly rly bad depressive episode when cain went missing bt like everything he does? he internalized it baybee!

when cain came back tho their parents encouraged him to move into moris so abel cld keep an eye on him n it made abel :/ another reason fr resentment in his eyes (he still loves his brother hes jst . bad at vocalizing how he feels so it makes him bitter)

has been with several ppl bc hes kinda desperate fr approval/fr ppl to need him so hes been quite a good bf in the past bt his incapability to properly open up has put a real Damper on things

likes to think hes in perfect control of his emotions bt explodes a lot bc hes bottled things up fr years

thts all . i can think of now ok bye<3

connections.

exes???? he wld have a Few methinks

fwb’s/past hookups/ur regular old Spice

he’s never been with a guy before bt as u can see in his stats he Is bi as i cannot play Straights so mayhaps someone who Opens His Eyes

ppl he has a crush on............. bt wld never say anything abt it . in his current Frivolously Unemotionally Emotional state

students in moris tht drive him fkin insane or on the other hand students tht he has a sibling like relationship with n is rly protective over etc.

family friends/ppl he grew up with?? or ppl who knew him before he separated himself from his family a bit n knew him as a diff guy n is like ‘omg wtf lol’ now

obvs . some friends Bleathe

enemies?? ppl who he got annoyed with n jst lost it on bc it was a wrong place wrong time Situation.

thts all i can think of rn very basic bt teehee

[satelliteduster]

Pen emoji (I'm on desktop rn)

i'll talk about ulysses this time (i have yet to redraw him lol)

between parts 1 and 2 his downward spiral is essentially "what would happen if a man who was already dismayed over the state of the world just became more and more disillusioned until he just began hating everyone"

his whole style is the stereotypical "white hollywood cowboy" -- he's arrogant, stubborn and prides himself on being a "lone wolf" type (haha); in addition to this, he's manipulative, uncaring and crass. he doesn't care who he hurts to get his way and more often than not, he'll act on his own accord for his own goals, very rarely doing something kind for anyone else

in part 1, he's a deuteroganist: he contributes positively to the plot in the most scarce of moments and is often just fucking with the rest of the characters or making jokes at their expense

in part 2 he's an explicit antagonist: he frequently berates and threatens micah because he sees him as weak and undeserving (this actually leads to ulysses' death. heh), and even in death his spirit bears the same disgruntled, disaffected scowl tht he bore in life

[serenagaywaterford]

Hi what are your thoughts about Serena, like do you think she will eventually change her mind? What are your expectations?

I don’t expect much. Unfortunately. I really, really hate to be this Debbie Downer, but I’m just not seeing this amazingly deep and meaningful piece of relevant protest art anymore. I see TV cliche after TV cliche being trotted out for cheap kicks and quick ratings grabs, all the while spinning its wheels furiously in one place, week after week. The world-building and political angle of S3 has been terrible and unrealistic, the continuity almost nonexistent, and the characters mostly stagnant. It’s all nonsense, like I’ve fallen down some Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole of an alternate THT timeline, where time moves incredibly slowly just like June. So, I guess, in that sense, Serena has the potential to do anything at all! ;)

This is me, when I think about Serena and where she’s going:

I want to say I expect she’ll have some sort of epiphany and get on the right track but this show seems absolutely fucking obsessed with moving her one way and then twisting her and yanking her back even further down than she started. Right now they’re taking minuscule baby steps... somewhere. Dunno where, or why, or what for. I guess it’s a wait and see game. I want to think I know and I want to be happy about what I want to believe, but ....ehhhh. I just don’t have faith lol. It’s so sad. THT, play Despacito. On a jaunty banjo for me. At a really inappropriate time at the end of an episode.

They’ll drag it out forever, and do the loopy thing over and over. I’m not sure the show cares about growth. (Also the showrunner doesn’t believe in “redemption arcs” so there’s that. I personally don’t want that archetypal “villain to hero” thing either. Just some good character development. You know, at all. Some hope. Just a little.) 

I know what I want to happen, what I think should happen, and what I think will likely happen. And they’re all very different lmao. I think, likely, they're gonna just make her Bad.

Now, as for spoilers/speculation, there’s one I’m most focused on in terms of Serena. Under the cut:

for 3x09. 

(3x08 is Aunt Lydia’s ep, which isn’t a spoiler now that the US promo is out.) So, there are a bunch of spoilers about how shitty Serena’s gonna become and how she’s gonna do June real dirty. (Note: these spoilers are… well, they’re just rumours really with no substantiation. So, grain of salt.)

But this particular “encounter” could go wildly either way. It could be Serena snapping June out of this vengeful, reckless, emotional spiral she’s suddenly in. Or, alternately, it could just as easily be Serena threatening the fuck out of June/Nichole and endangering her in some way. Either could cause her to “reassess” things. But since we don’t know what “recent actions” this is referring to, it’s anyone’s guess. And it probably won’t even be linked to the previous ep, or the one after it, so it’s all wild! Nothing matters! :DDDD Oh. I am dying inside.

I think I just need to stop expecting anything at all and maybe I’d be happier lmao. Ignorance is bliss, right?

[housefreak]

Hiiiiii what is marble Hornets? I followed you back when you were rlly into it and u mentioning it again in thT post reminded me that you always made it sound cool enough to check out but idk what it actually is or what it's about:O you make it sound v v cool tho!!!! Idk why this ask sounds so incomprehensible as I'm writing it sorry lol

hgfjkd hi!! marble hornets is a horror found footage web series about. slenderman but its also about paranoia, trauma, and more generally mental health and coping with all of that in what ways you can. in the beginning its about a failed student film and trying to find ppl from it again to figure out what happened to the director and then it spirals into becoming the protags entire life and what that does to him (and the people around him) over the course of several years. lots of abandoned buildings and being lost in the woods :)!!

if u wanted to watch it i recommend doing so from this playlist bc its over 2 channels and then heres a tw doc because it can get heavy at times and well. is a horror series

there was also the protags twitter but that got hacked last year and while the tweets've been put back up they no longer have the timestamps saldy but its a super fun read if u do watch & like the series

[onehithero]

dream themes so far

getting lost (feels like ive had too many of these over the lifetime i mostly havnt even written them down since ive started writing things down like fuck u lol)

flying around but in a VERY videogamey janky way where normal animations try to play but ure in the air n this last one straight up had me noclipping

yknow the middle empty space in spiral staircases? going up in that space in a weird method [if i had a penny 4 every time i went up in the middle empty space of a spiral staircase weirdly id have 2 pennies which is nto much but its weird tht it happened twice]

[thefutureisu]

xxiii - “P”

it’s been days, but i am still quite pissed with this one guy whom I’ve talked to for almost a month.

so we matched on bumble during his bday (which i just learned later on that day) anw i was talking to a lot of ppl then, and i didn’t give him much attention……? but turned out he was an art guy /and I’m a sucker for art ppl duh/ so ayun i was asking stuff

then turns out it was his bday??? and i got intrigued bc if it was other ppl, first thing that they’ll say is HEY it’s my bday greet me, or whatever

anw i said lets switch to tg since i wasn’t that much keen on opening bumble na much bc i feel guilty of the ppl i stopped replying to (hey I’m trying 2 be better)

THEN to my surprise, he invited to call. i was dreading it at first. i dont want another “S" mishap. but then i agreed bc i felt lazy in typing na ren, but i told him first if he was sure bc I’m fucking awkward w calls, i can’t get my charming self out w calls lmao

anw, ff to three week, we were calling almost every night. like even when he was at parties, or w his friends he called pa ren. BUT it was nothing, just yknow normal talking?? wait HOLD UP, i feel kinda oa bc when we were talking, he was always keen to call. like ill try to say i might not b able to then he’ll say aww or aw ok or basta after i say no, ill feel bad. i seldom left him on read at times BUT he was often double texting me, which was nice. he actually reminded me of S at times, he was an open book too. he shared a LOT haha, even sent me lots of photos.

SPEAKING OF S, they know each other!!!!!! they were classmates b4 wtf. smol world tlaga, dude. he asked kasi how i knew S, then i told him a bit of what happened. anw, w this guy. he seemed ok? nice. we had a lot of common in music and films and fash0wn and he was basta okay lng.

plus he was convenient to talk to. madalas nga i was the one sleeping on him lmao. like he really helped me sleep sum nights. he was ok w him talking the whole time, which was half great..? i was often tired w work thts why i didn’t share much (plus he was a stranger) wait HAHA his name is really long so he has this card-related nname that also begins w an ’s', but ill just call him P (his other name).

there was one time pa nga when our call reached 10 hours. tangina, idk how i stayed up that long. from 8ish until almost 7 am. that was both our longest HAHA WTF 10. both xmas celebs, we called din. which was weird since it was xmas. but this is what’s bothering me. last time we called, it was ‘k naman. i was kinda drunk kaya i dont really remember…………….thts why I’m slightly bothered baka i said something not nice ???

after that call, he didn’t messg much na. i did, i sent him a meme vid but our talk “down spiraled”, which ended up in me being super irritated cause he said that i was overthinking stuff again, like i did it often (i mean i do) but i dont think he was at the place where he could say it na? like we weren’t in that place yet. his choice of words were really offensive i swear. so i told him he was an ahole, then after non he was replying na lang w one words. he didn’t even apologize, sarap manapak.

anywaaaaay, new yr i greeted him. he greeted back. being such a ppl pleaser, i was irked that he had the audacity to be like that when he was the one who did “something” to irritate me.

but i still asked, like after NY. i said sumthin like "hey whats w the sudden change etc etc did sumthing happen" ganon TAS HAHAHAHA DO U KNOW WHAT HE SAID? he said no nothing happened, he just can’t reply much because he’s been talking to someone else na lmao

i mean ok???? but the way he said it, it was in a v apologetic tone!! it had the same energy w “um I’m not tlking to u anymore bc i have a new one now” i was so offended, it was like i was bitch slapped!!!

eh kasi naman hahahaha we were just friends-ish. but parang iba to him, i mean he could’ve laughed and said hey cha i have a kalandian now but yea whats up w you na, ganon. idk iba kasi tlaga pagkakasabe nya sksjddjdkdkdk like he turned me down ganon.

i was trying 2 b “friends” legitimate haha i have other friends whom i made na at bumble, & i thought ganon den so i replied "what??? haha i thought i offended u kasi kaya i asked, anw gl (good luck)" tas he seened me ????? sayang oras ko sa’yo, P. sayang puyat ko sa’yo lmao i should’ve slept. ass.

& the thing thats been bothering me is his SUDDEN change. ugh boys. it’s quite scary hahahah to trust ppl. maybe he got scared na i invited him on art fair lol i remem inviting him sa last call. maybe he thought i was asking him out….,,,,,,,,,eh i invited him bc i have free tix from my comp & all my friends have weekend jobs tas art stud sha so it was convenient bc he’d be able to “get it” i mean the stuff there. lol ewan, basta he changed agad, kay parang i was super surprised. one min, he’s like this tapos biglang BAM ok bye

[yeont4n]

Answer all!!

here we fuckn goooooooooo

we are bulletproof: if you could be any superhero, who would you be and why?

u kno that 1 girl from sky high whose only power was shapeshifting into a hamster? her. no reason

no more dream: if you woke up tomorrow to be incredibly famous, how would you react?

id go check my mailbox to collect all my free promotional gifts and then prolly fake my own death

i like it: if you could reverse any moment in your life, what would that moment be? 

there’s 1 thing but im not rlly gonna expose myself like tht on here smh

n.o: biggest pet peeve?

loud chewing/loud eating,,,,,,

we on: how do you deal with people who don’t like you?

i dont deal wit it lmfao it’s not my business who likes me n who doesn’t unless someone’s being particularly vocal about it:// in that case i’d prolly jus laugh about it

if i ruled the world: what would you do if you found out that you were an heir to a wealthy kingdom?

lmfao. idk tbh prolly decide which breed of dog i wanted to be known for loving

coffee: what’s your coffee order?

i dont order coffee often buh somethin w a lot of sugar.

cypher pt. 1: if you had to be part of a kpop group, what position would you want to be (i.e. leader, visual, lead vocal, dancer, rapper, maknae, etc.)

maknae i guess? how about staff

rise of bangtan: when and how did you get into the king and legends, also known as bangtan sonyeondan?

i saw a video of yoongi performing intro:nevermind in like 2015 n was :o ! buh never looked into it. in 2016 i saw the fire and bst dance practice vids and was like :0!??? but again, never looked into it. then finally spring day/not today mvs dropped n i FINALLY looked into who these boys were n jus fell down an ever spiraling rabbit hole.. now we here

satoori rap: what does home mean to you?

a feeling. i mean i have a few physical manifestations of the concept of home: my town, my school, my house. things i can return to. but really it’s a feeling isn’t it?? safety, familiarity, comfort, fondness

boy in luv: when you are interested in someone (romantically, sexually, etc.), does your behavior change?

yeah probably altho i dnt have many data points to go over rn

just one day: who would you want to spend the last day of your life with?

yall expectin me 2 say bts buh id want 2 be wit my friends n family . bts can b there 2 if they want

tomorrow: goal that you would like to achieve within the next year?

get into..... college.....

cypher pt. 2: one thing about yourself you wish people would appreciate more?

i never express appreciation n all that verbally thru words or physically thru touch buh i have my own ways of showin tht i care n i guess it dont count if i dont communicate explicitly like: hey ilu ! . what happened to actions speak louder than words smh

spine breaker: what is your weakness when it comes to spending money?

makeup!!!!!!!!!! >

jump: favorite childhood memory?

getting my dog tina!!!!

miss right: what is your ideal ‘type’?

physically i tend 2 like the boyish types likkee think taehyung inu era i guess. boy next door vibes; ive never rlly been into the macho build or the preppy, neat look, or the rough around the edges, angsty shithead badboy exterior model like i like my boys S.O.F.T.! puppy-ish!

personality wise i guess jusssss idk i’m gonna copy n paste a list of qualities i look 4 in a partner that i wrote for a different ask game a while back: Sense of humor, openmindedness, compassion, reliability, ability 2 communicate directly/emotional maturity, ambition/drive/work ethic, etc.

i like it pt. 2: dream date? 

yall prolly expecting me to say smthn like staying in n watching movies n eating junk but i’d prolly wanna go out n do smthn ngl. not a movie where u can hardly even speak or a dinner date where u feel trapped n stiff buh smthn fun n mildly competitive n engaging ??????? although jus chillin dont sound so terrible either

danger: have you ever had a near-death experience?

kinda not really it was on hampton beach n i had an allergic reaction but i wasnt on death’s door or nuthn

war of hormone: most embarrassing moment?

i bled thru my fucking pants in like 7th grade n it got on the chair! it was bad lol i was jus talking about this w my friend n she was like “yeah i remember that haha:)” shut up caitlin

hip hop lover: three songs that are meaningful to you?

moonlight sonata, ballade no. 1 in g minor, bts’ entire discography ties for 3rd

let me know: are you good at keeping secrets?

no lmfao . keeping my own, sure.

rain: most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

some words that have never been used to describe me, grace: spontaneous, easy going, flexible. the most impulsive thing i’ve done is prolly take a random sidestreet omw home just for the heck of it lol

cypher pt. 3: favorite outfit to wear?

cute jeans w a belt, a crop top. white adidas. i like dresses too tho!! n i really like layered clothes (a mock turtle neck under a slip dress or like a pinstripe button up under a babydoll fit blouse. i jus think it’s fuckin adorable)

blanket kick: longest time you’ve spent lying in bed (sleeping or not)? 

prolly 2 or 3 days

24/7 = heaven: what are you most looking forward to?

fuck i rlly dk . doesnt that suck??

look here: do you have any hidden talents?

i can burp on command lmfaoofdj

second grade: proudest accomplishment?

dont ask me this if u dnt want to be made uncomfortable by how genuinely unproud of myself i am lol

i need u: are you in love?

wit k*m t*aehy*ng? yeah.

hold me tight: does physical contact comfort you?

no........... maybe i havent found the right person but it’s not my cup of tea generally speaking

love is not over: ever had your heart broken?

no but now i know what i can look forward to haha

dead leaves: how loyal are you?

im rlly loyal if that commitment is mutual. w my family i’m ride or die i’ll fuck anyone up who comes for my asshole brother idc!!!!!!!!!

move: last time you cried?

cant remember,, i dnt cry much. prolly watching reply 1988 when bo ra and her dad were exchanging letters on her wedding day.

butterfly: most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

his name looks similar to my url thats the only hint im giving

run: do you like traveling? if so, where? what’s your dream vacation?

i dnt really like travelling tbh but i do wanna go back to korea one day. not necessarily as a tourist but as a diasporic korean person myself

ma city: if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

idk. i cant imagine not living in the states tbh but i also cant say i love it here either

baepsae: do you vote and/or keep up with politics?

i can’t vote but i’m in my school’s youth vote committee which runs debates for local elections and registration drives at the end of the year. i kept up with politics a lot more last year but after the election i jus got 2 bitter. i know what’s going on but only sort of surface level smh

dope: what did you want to be when you were younger? how does it compare to what you want to be now?

i wanted to be a teacher lmfao and i wanted to commute to college n save $$ bc i was a practical little fucker even when i was 6. these days i’m not that interested in teaching bc a) i’d be objectively bad at it and b) i was a classroom mentor for elementary schools and... realized i can’t work w kids tht small every damn day i’d rlly snap

fire: are you a spontaneous person?

no~

save me: your favorite place on earth?

rn??? m y bed

young forever: what is one movie from your childhood that you will always treasure?

august rush lol

boys with fun: you’re going on a roadtrip with seven other people– dead, alive, fictional, real, famous, or not. who are they, and why?

really......... seven other people:)? guess.

converse high: how many pairs of shoes do you own?

12??? 3 are the same black heel lmfao n a lot i havent worn in years but i still technically own them. i rlly b wearing the same 4 pairs in a cycle n 1 rotten bleach stained soggy mess for work shoes.

whalien 52: weirdest thing that has ever happened to you? alternatively, weirdest dream you’ve ever had?

weirdest dream i ever had was way too long to type out n had way too many references to people in my personal life to ever be interesting lmao

house of cards: when was the last time you felt sexy?

HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAHHAAH?????????????????

boy meets evil: have you ever committed a crime? if so, what was it? alternatively, what is the worst thing you have ever done?

does speeding count smh.

blood, sweat, & tears: kinkiest kink you have?

rolling eyes emoji. pass!

begin: who are you most grateful for in your life?

my parents!

lie: biggest fear?

real talk? failure. abandonment but i’m adopted, how cliche. also bugs

stigma: would you rather know the date of your death or the cause of your death?

date of death bc if i knew the cause but not have any indication of when it’d hit me, i’d be a paranoid agoraphobic wreck for the rest of my life

first love: do you believe in soulmates?

yes but i also believe you can have more than one! and that soulmates aren’t exclusively romantic

reflection: if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

get ur fucking bangs cut

mama: are you good at giving advice?

yeah i think so

awake: if you had to be a flower, which flower would you be?

lazy daisy

lost: how good are you with directions? do you get lost easily?

horrible horrible horrible. directionally challenged. i can’t even find my way to the fucking grocery store down the road on my own. if i ever missed an exit on the highway you’d never hear from me again, i could never find my way back without a gps. i’m dead serious

cypher pt. 4: what do you do to treat yourself or relax?

take a bath or a long long shower. eat smthn warm, drink tea, do a face mask, change my sheets n snuggle up watchin a drama or movie or playin sims

am i wrong: you wake up one morning in the hospital, knowing only your name and a single memory from your life. what is that memory?

wtf how do i answer this lmfao how wud i know lol

21st century girls: do you prefer texting, calling, or video chatting?

texting! calling if it’s a long story though

2!3!: your favorite thing about bangtan?

their modesty and grace ! they’re a true underdog success story >

spring day: who do you miss right now?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

not today: what are your procrastinating right now?

math summer work smh

wings: on airplanes, do you prefer the window seat, the middle seat, or the aisle seat?

window seat!

you never walk alone: how many people do you trust with your life?

4?