#i wish she showed up again in th story apart from in messages. i want her to be able to show them the music box(?) she made ;w;

[c-kiddo]

I have NEVER seen the nein look so guilty and regretful as the time they made pumat upset and stressed. They were broken hearted about it. also no lie i would have lost my shit if a grown kiri showed up as a PC.

naur yea 😭 they looked like they were going to throw up . these guys especially...... the (gonzo themuppets voice) Guilt .

[everseeking]

hello!! It's your relief story anon!!! i friken love what you wrote!!! may i have another request 🥺 similar to the relief story, Levi's s/o gets into a near death experience right in front of him and he freezes for the first time. everyone's super shocked abt it after the mission and he gets reprimanded just for formalities (erwin n hanji rlly just wanna check up on him personally) but they all understand since he's been through a lot. Levi can't deal with his emotions and he wants to say i love you to his s/o (first time saying it) but he doesn't know how and yes HAHAHAHA

- OMG HI AGAIN ! IM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ENJOYED IT THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!!! thank you again not only for requesting that, but also for requesting again, it’s so awesome when u guys come back and request more :) plus your ideas are always so great. i had a lot of fun writing this, i hope u enjoy <3 (and i got your second message tysm for adding it ! i tried to include as much fluff as possible but my dumb brain always defaults to angst hahaha)

how to say i love you

- levi ackerman x reader

warnings: season 2 and ova spoilers (if you haven’t watched the ova’s yet they’re on youtube but this only references ‘a choice with no regrets’ aka levi’s ova)

levi has never had...feelings for anyone before.

the romantic kind, of course. he's felt plenty of things towards people on a regular basis—anger. hate. disgust. confusion. annoyance. frustration.

to be fair he has had the occasional friend, or the occasional person who he respected, and others who he flat out wanted to protect. just never anything romantic.

this didn’t bother him, falling in love wasn’t his top priority or anything. his life has been one traumatic experience after the other. there was no time for him to be romantically involved with another, nor was he willing to take the risk of potential heartbreak that would add to his constantly growing list of traumatic events.

when he first met y/n l/n he acknowledged her as nothing more than another member of the survey corps. someone he would work with. someone he would train with. someone who he would give orders to if deemed necessary. someone who would join his team. someone he would slowly become more curious about. someone who would bring him feelings that he couldn't describe in words.

his plans had clearly gone astray.

y/n was supposed to be nothing more than a colleague, but somehow fate had much more in store. the young girl began to appear more and more in his life and before he could even process it, she was already apart of his team.

now that the they were spending almost everyday together, along with the rest of his team, levi had the opportunity to try to solve the mystery that was y/n.

there was something that he felt about her that he couldn't put into words. the way she was determined to save humanity and her friends, the way she poured everything she had into everything she did, the way she was strong in every aspect of the word, the way she got along with the rest of the team, the way she laughed, the way she smiled, the way she spoke, the way she moved, all of it. it all encapsulated him.

what is this emotion ? fascination ? curiosity ? these words weren’t completely right, but they safe enough for him to settle on for now.

yes, that's all. the brat just makes me curious because i don't understand her.

at least, that's what he told himself. but the tingles that remained on his skin from the place where she accidentally brushed up against him or the way his stomach felt after his eyes met hers or the way he noticed himself always wanting to be near her or the way he wanted to protect her more than anything in the world, said otherwise.

whatever message he wanted to send probably definitely was not passed on. when y/n accidentally brushed up against him he snapped back "watch it." when she made eye contact with him, it was more her meeting his eyes and him seemingly glaring back. when he took a few steps towards her to be closer, she felt paranoid, wondering if he was determining whether or not he should scold her for something. when she was on missions and he occasionally had to step in and save her tail, she felt like she was slacking.

truthfully in all these situations levi just resorted back to his true nature. he never meant any harm so clearly he wasn’t the best at expressing his feelings. henceforth, the three word phrase was foreign to him.

after all the many challenges that came with trying to understand each other, the couple finally got together. but despite being together, neither had said the 'L word’ yet. 

to be honest, y/n hadn’t dwelled on it too much. she had learned the best way to survive mentally was to live in the moment. when the time would come, the time would come, however, the thought that time wasn’t a guarantee gnawed at the back of her brain.  she always wondered how levi felt about the matter, but never got around to asking. little did he know he’d once again find out for himself that time wasn’t a guarantee.

just like every other day, y/n awoke to levi placing a kiss on her forehead. he wished nothing more than to let the love of his life sleep late into the morning in their shared bed, safe from the dangers of the world, but there was another mission today in which he needed her by his side.

the plan was to head to the outskirts of wall rose to a forest that was known to be surrounded by titans. hanji convinced erwin to let her try to capture titans in the forest again, as it all but worked on the female titan. erwin agreed, not only because he too believed the survey corps had all the materials necessary to capture titans again, but also because he knew the scouts needed more real time practice in the forest. levi wasn’t happy to hear the commander refer to this as “practice,” since so many lives were guaranteed to be lost in the process, but there was nothing he could do about it.

with everyone’s approval and the preparations complete, they were off. the ride there had been as close to smooth sailing as possible, with erwin successfully rerouting the troops to avoid as many unnecessary collisions with titans as possible and a surprisingly low amount of abnormals in their path. but everyone knew the real problems would be up ahead.

in this area, the titans were mainly surrounding the thick trees in the forest. it wasn’t too far from the forest where they encountered the female titan so the layout of the jungle was fairly similar. a large path ran straight through the trees, leaving the scouts lots of opportunities.

before the forest itself came into view, the hoard otherworldly creatures showed up. the crowd of titans didn’t seem to be too bad, with none surpassing ten meters. a bit of the outer edges of the formation took a hit, but everyone else made it into the woods unscathed.

unlike the last time levi’s squad was in the forest, their objective was not to be the bait. instead, they were to take to the trees and be on clean up duty. it was a little different from their normal clean up duty, as they weren’t doing chores around the castle or cabin—they were eliminating stray titans. the survey corps was only prepared to capture two titans, so any others that entered needed to be exterminated.

they weren’t the only ones with this job, but erwin placed them as the last hoop the titans had to get through before they were captured. any titans that escaped the first few groups were more likely than not going to be challenging, so they needed to be left with the most talented squad.

the eight scouts that made up levi’s squad traveled the path that cut through the forest until they found the four trees in which they were to set up camp. levi and jean were on the first tree, armin and sasha on the one across from them, connie and mikasa on the next, and y/n and eren on the fourth. the formation placed y/n and levi diagonal from each other so they could each defend half of the younger scouts in their squad if necessary, as well as had the team in pairs that weren’t often together for even more practice.

the ground rumbled beneath the group as they looked down to see the first wave of soldiers acting as bait pass through. after some time and a few more waves, including hanji and erwin who were in charge of the traps, everyone passed through and the titans came into sight.

the ground troops had all reported that no abnormals or titans above ten meters made it in so they all relaxed—or relaxed as one can be when they’re facing man-eating giants. levi recognized the last troop passing through and gave his second in command a nod which she returned, letting everyone else know it was show time.

the rumbling of the ground from the horses before was nothing compared to that of the titans. not counting the first two, there were nine titans in all. everyone gave a silent thanks to the squads who had narrowed down the hoard before it arrived to them.

finally, the first two titans ran past the trees levi’s squad was hidden in, chasing the ground troops. with a loud “now !” from levi, the rest of them deployed from their hiding places. thanks to the squad’s impeccable teamwork and countless hours of training in forests closer to home, the remaining seven titans were taken out without a hitch. y/n couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride as she watched her team improve with every mission and it was obvious they all felt the same way. the way they beamed and had to hold back their celebration was as a clear as day.

the team regrouped, with y/n checking the younger members for any life threatening wounds and levi double checking all the titans were taken care of. she had just finished examining sasha when levi came back and announced the next step of today’s plan. everyone was to head forward to meet the other troops and aid in getting the titans back to the walls. although the titans may be secured, there were still infinite possibilities for catastrophes that could happen so they needed all the backup they could get. the young cadets nodded in agreement then followed after levi as he took to the sky, with y/n tailing the rest of the group. if y/n and levi weren’t side by side during missions, this was always the formation everyone fell into. levi led the way, protecting the front of the party, and she acted as the caboose to make sure no one got left behind as well as to protect them from the back.

after a few failed tricks from eren as he tried to show off with his gear and a quick scolding from levi, the rest of the scouts came into view. the mission appeared to be a success. the final two titans were both apprehended, one nailed to the ground and the other bound in the air.

squad levi landed and began to greet everyone but didn’t get very far when hanji’s squeals flooded everyone’s ears.

the scientist was practically bouncing up and down as she came over. “squad levi ! all in one piece, i see. let me show you what we’ve done,” she gushed, ushering all of them towards the titans.

it was no surprise she was so excited. she had been waiting for this day to arrive for ages, but levi still gave a quick “tch,” under his breath out of annoyance which forced y/n to cover her mouth with her palm to stifle a laugh.

the eight, now nine, of them cranned their necks up to see the side of the beast that was hammered into the ground. the sight would’ve been cruel if it were anything other than a titan, but remembering all the pain they’ve brought to each one of them, no one did so much as bat an eye. returning the focus back to hanji, everyone watched as she took a sharp inhale to prepare for her long ramble about how everything worked. lucky for y/n, before hanji could exhale, levi grabbed his partner’s arm and pulled her away.

he pulled her close so he could whisper in her ear, “come on, let’s go find erwin.”

as much as she wanted to argue with him and tell him he was being mean, she really didn’t want to listen to hanji’s spiel that she had heard a million times over. a tiny pang of guilt struck y/n for leaving the other half of the squad behind forced to listen to her, but sometimes everyone has to take one for the team.

she threw a quick wave over her shoulder to the others, then followed levi, who was still holding her arm, as he dragged her through the crowd of other scouts who were just floating around, waiting for orders, until he finally spotted the commander.

the tall man’s eyes fell upon the pair and he drew himself away from whomever he was speaking with to come greet them.

“ah levi, y/n,” erwin began. levi’s expression stayed the same but y/n offered the man a small smile and wave which he returned with a nod. erwin was actually the one who recommended to levi that he should consider y/n to be apart of his squad, so she heavily credited him entirely with starting your relationship with levi (even if levi disagreed every time she told him this). 

levi and erwin fell into formal conversation, discussing the remainder of the mission, which left y/n realizing levi hadn’t really saved her from a talk you’ve heard countless times before, but instead brought her into another one. 

hanji’s rambling would have been more interesting than this she thought to yourself as she began lazily scanned the small sea of scouts scrambling around, looking for a way to entertain yourself until the two men were done talking. one group in particular caught her eyes.

the soldiers seemed to be much more jittery than everyone else. they frantically looked amongst each other and towards the titan that hanji had just finished showing the rest of levi’s squad, and seemed to be contemplating a solution to an unknown issue.

it was clear something was up. 

just as she placed her hand on levi’s shoulder to bring his and erwin’s focus over to the scene, the ground began to shake, which caught their attention for her. 

no one had time to react when dust flew up everywhere, obstructing everyone’s views so they couldn’t see where the loud crashes that followed came from. a strong force slammed into them, throwing them who knows how far into the air. the fear of hitting the ground barely had enough time to settle into y/n before everything went dark.

everyone in the vicinity had been sent flying into the air along, but levi was the first one to be up on his feet again. bringing his arms up to shield his eyes, he decided to stay where he was as the dust cleared so he could assess the situation and move on from there. 

the scene finally came into view; he gathered that the titan had ripped its arm through the nails that secured it to the floor of the woods, then flailed it around in an attempt to grab people. it made a clean sweep in the area that he was previously standing—all that was left were debris and broken wood planks from the compartments that were attached to the other titan’s traps.

a wave of adrenaline passed through his body as he remembered who was with him. he needed to find not only erwin immediately, but also y/n. he reached down to grab the handles of his controller grip but froze instantly upon seeing what had just come into view as more of the dust cleared.

y/n was sprawled out on the ground, ODM gear tossed a few feet away from her body but more importantly, the titan’s hand was hovering mere meters above her.

his pulse almost quickened twicehold, but it felt as though it heart had stopped in his chest. situations like this presented themselves to levi almost everyday of his life, but this was much different. in those, he was almost two steps ahead. he knew that by now he should be wrapping his arms around y/n and pulling her to safety at breakneck speed, or even better, he should’ve shielded her from harm at the very beginning. but right now he couldn’t do so much as move his finger.

levi was completely inert—his arms felt like they being weighed down by a ball and chain, his legs felt like they had grown roots into the ground that planted in him place. his throat ran dry and his stomach felt like it had just done a flip. the rest of him went numb while shock consumed his body, physically and mentally, rendering him entirely helpless.

images of isabel, farlan, petra, oluo, eld, gunther, and countless others all flashed before him, the same running theme echoed in his mind—he wasn’t able to save them. all he had to do was pull back a single index finger. this would launch one of his anchors into the back of the titan’s neck, sending him flying to slice its nape. but he couldn’t do it. the only thing he knew he had the power to do was watch helplessly as his partner would be eaten alive.

the shouts of others flooded his ears as his senses slowly began to return to him, but it didn’t matter. he couldn’t make out a thing. frankly he wished he could so he could break away from the things that occupied his mind now. shame. guilt. humiliation. fear. regret. he took for granted every moment he had ever spent with y/n. every smile she gave him. every time he embraced her. every kiss. every conversation they shared under the stars while everyone else was fast asleep. every opportunity he had but failed to tell her that he—

before he finished his thought someone finally broke through his trance. erwin was the one who was able to crack the surface and bring him back to life. 

the commander was shouting levi’s name, hoping, praying, to wake him up from whatever was going on in his head. levi was still unable feel his body, but he realized he was moving as the ground began to grow smaller. one of erwin’s strong arms hooked around levi’s middle and they were flying away from the chaos below. the commander spared a glance to levi to see the man’s eyes were still trained on y/n.

the feeling returned to levi’s body as he felt the pain of being thrown onto one of the thick tree branches surge through his body. not knowing how else to bring him back from the trance that wasn’t full broken, erwin had tossed off of him levi instead of placing him down gently.

he watched as levi scrambled up and expected him to yell back for throwing him, but the response was much different.

“where is she ??” levi demanded. his eyes may have been on y/n the whole time, but his mind was elsewhere replaying scenes from the past. he had no idea if she had been eaten, or even survived the initial attack. the only think he saw was her body on the ground, unmoving.

“safe,” erwin confirmed. “hanji ran over just in time and got her. but what happened to you ?” no one had ever seen levi freeze up the way he did. others believed it was just fear which made him seem a little more human to them, but erwin knew it was more than that.

throughout the years, erwin watched levi witness the deaths of those closest to him, and even then he was still able to act. but after seeing him go rigid, erwin was more than worried. it was clear levi went into shock, however, shock runs more than skin deep. 

this became even more evident to him as levi remained silent the entire way back to the walls. y/n was still unconscious, so one of the open carts was her escort. guilt continued to wash over levi as he wasn’t able to ride in the cart with her to monitor her closely because he had to ride his horse back. regardless, he stayed as close to the cart as possible and stole as many glances her way as he could.

if he had it his way, he would’ve waited outside the infirmary for y/n when they arrived back home, but hanji and erwin practically dragged him to the mess hall to replenish his energy. this may or may not be skipping the part where levi was questioned about what happened, followed by him being chastised for his actions (or lack there of). levi could bare focus even though it was such a serious conversation. his mind was still a hazy mess. as much as hanji and erwin wanted to talk to levi more about the situtation, they knew it was best for the conversation to end there for the day. levi looked so shaken up that he could barely keep himself standing so the last thing he needed was to be yelled at more. the entire corps also made sure to steer clear of the man. he usually had all his emotions hidden but they were on full display now. it still scared the hell out of them.

but the fear alone wasn’t enough to stop them from whispering to themselves. word carried fast about how captain levi froze up and watched one of his squad mates almost die. the ones who only heard about the story instead of witnessing it couldn’t believe what they were hearing. the captain levi did nothing while one of his own almost became titan food ? 

hearing the whispers in passing, levi didn’t care that they were talking about him, but he was still affected. their words just made reality sink deeper into him. they weren’t the only ones who were unable to believe what happened. he really just watched helplessly as someone almost died. and it wasn’t just someone, it was his other half.

“hey levi ?” hanji voiced, pulling him out of his head. levi didn’t bother looking up from his food that he had been staring at for the past few minutes to face her. the best he could to was give her a side glance as he peered at her from the corner of his eyes and waited for her to finish.

the glare he was sending her way made her blood run cold, but she took the hint and continued. “are you alright ?” she asked in a small voice.

“does it look like i’m alright ?” he growled back, then went back to eating.

“just wanted to ask,” she added with an awkward laugh then turned to erwin who was on the other side of her. for once in her life she knew not to press any harder, but making levi upset wasn’t her intention. she was genuinely worried about him. hanji gave erwin a what do i do now ? look, hoping for some help, but erwin could only shake his head. he cared about levi just as much as she did, but he knew there was nothing either of them could do or say to make levi feel better. the only thing he needed was to see y/n.

at last, levi finished his dinner and excused himself to go find his partner. as his feet carried him at a quick pace across the stone floors of the many hallways in HQ, fear came back to his already grim mind. there was no word on y/n’s condition so he assumed no progress had been made and she was still unconscious. 

needless to say, when he rounded the corner and saw her sitting on the bench right outside the infirmary swiveling her heels and tapping her toes together as if she was bored, shock overcame him once again, this time on a much lower scale. similar to just a few hours ago, he was frozen instantly upon seeing her. it was a much prettier sight this time, but it was still painful to see. the bandage that wrapped around her head peaked out from being any strands of hair that fell in front of her face, other wraps and patches plastered themselves across her arms and legs, and some purple and blue splotches peaked out from behind them. this was only the skin that was exposed. for once in his life levi didn’t want to think about what she looked like when she weren’t wearing any clothes. he made a quick mental note to later place tender kisses on all her bumps and bruises, and took of running towards her.

y/n had been discharged from the infirmary during dinner hours, so the halls has been quite empty as she sat outside alone, falling into boredom. when the first sounds of shoes hitting the ground entered her ears, she got a bit excited, but calmed herself down reminding herself it probably wasn’t him. but when the steps got quicker and louder, she finally let yourself look up to see up to see her partner was the source. there was no point in holding back anyone; her face visibly lit up and a wide smile placed itself on her lips. just like levi, y/n wanted nothing more in the entire world than to see him. 

he run turned to a jog then a complete stop as he halted in front of her. despite being so anxious to see one another, neither were really prepared. they just kinda...stared at each other, neither sure of the right words to say. levi decided to take the initiative. he opened his mouth, hoping something, anything, would come out, but his attempt fell flat. words just weren’t enough. instead, he lifted his arms and placed both hands gently on y/n’s shoulders. she caught on quickly, standing up at the same time as he was pulling her into his arms for a tight embrace.

the pair remained silent in each other’s arms until y/n decided to take initiative this time and finally spoke. “is it true ?” she mumbled against his neck, barely loud enough for him to hear.

as much as he had hoped the gossip would stay in the mess hall, levi knew that inevitably word would spread to her. someone must have told her everything that happened, leaving in every little detail about how levi made no moves to save her life, ending up having to be saved by hanji in the end.

based off his silence, y/n knew levi had a lot on his mind so she continued “did you really freeze up?” 

he didn’t realize it, but he had tensed up at her words. it absolutely pained him to answer, but he couldn’t imagine the pain she were feeling. 

summing up his courage, he began to confirm the worst, but she pulled away before he could get more than a “yes,” out. levi braced himself for the hurt expression that he would be faced with, knowing his heart would break instantly as she realized he truly did failed to protect her, but instead he was met with kind eyes and soft face.

the look on his face had utter disbelief written all over it as her hands went up to cup his face that was now reddening. “are you okay?” y/n asked softly. “im so sorry.”

levi was beyond bewildered. he wanted her to be furious at him. yell at him. pull her soft hands back and strike him as much as she pleased. tell him he failed and that she couldn’t stand the sight of him. he knew he deserved it all and more, but he should’ve known she would never do that. that wasn’t y/n.

he melted into her touch and placing one of his hand over one of hers that remained on his cheek. “i was terrified, y/n.”

y/n finally gave him one of her beautiful smiles and giggled softly. “why were you scared ? i was the one who almost got eaten,” she teased.

y/n’s laughs had quickly subsided after seeing the serious look that had etched itself onto levi’s face. “because you were in danger,” he started.

“i don’t know what id do with myself if i lost you, i...”

“i love you, y/n.”

it was finally y/n’s turn to get a taste of the shock that levi had been experiencing all day. she could’ve sworn her heart skipped a beat at his words, followed by butterfly wings tickling the inside of her tummy, her eyes widening and jaw falling slack. her hands slowly slipped from his face to instead place one of her palms on her chest to make sure her heart was indeed pumping at a regular pace.

levi, on the other hand, was not having a magical experience. y/n’s reaction made him feel as though his feelings weren’t reciprocated despite having been together for so long. he started to get deeper into his head, negative thoughts starting to eat away at him once again, when she finally spoke.

“i love you too, levi,” she breathed out, still too stunned to breathe properly.

levi had had enough of being unable to move for one day. one of his hands grabbed y/n’s waist while the other found its way to the back of her head, as he kissed her roughly, which she eagerly returned. the way he felt her grin against his lips was enough to make all the pain and fear he had experienced that day worth it.

he couldn’t have asked for a better outcome to such a shitty day.

levi had finally learned how to say i love you and he thanked the stars every night following that day that y/n was the one who taught him how.

[ariadneamare]

a playlist for you 2.0 | levihan

word count: 1.2k 

warnings: angst, a lil fluff, a lil nsfw 

a/n: i didn’t think it would be this short but i hope u enjoy! also i’m not proud of how this one went but i tried 

Safe and Sound  // Capital Cities 

Three years passed, and Levi could still not believe where he stood. Right in front of the person he loved most. 

He never imagined these before because he gave up on the idea of finding someone who would love him, and if he told his younger self where he was right now, the Levi from the past would call it bullshit.

Hanji dragged him to a party for New Year’s eve, and although he no longer went to crowded parties after they got together he still went because she really wanted to. 

There she stood, singing her heart out to the music blasting through five speakers in the room. A red cup in hand, he reckoned it held vodka. Levi was not a fan of Hanji drinking too much because she goes crazy after 15 shots, but he let this one pass because it is an occasion and Hanji had a huge smile on her face. 

“Levi, come here!” She screamed and dragged him closer to her body. He could feel warmth everywhere and he will never admit it but it made his dick twitch with the way she breathed in his face. “Dance with me, love.” 

The love Hanji gave him could not compare to any drug out there, he felt so high on seeing her alone. Experiencing the love she gave made him feel so safe. Three years together changed him, for the better. With Hanji, Levi was his best version. 

“I know that we’ll be safe and sound,” he whispered into her ear. Brushing his lips along her jaw and planting a small kiss. 

“We’re safe and sound,” Hanji replied to him, kissing the top of his forehead. 

Nowhere. Levi could not be any happier anywhere else but here. 

Are You With Me // Nilu

“That’s because you aren’t listening to me! I have been trying to get my point across,” Hanji huffs and pushes her clothes inside a small duffel bag. “Everything I say enters one ear and then out the other. Levi, are you with me?” 

“If would also listen to me, we would not be shouting right now.” Levi turned his face to give her a serious look. 

“I am not shouting!! You are, I was talking to you in  a calm manner just seconds ago but you kept denying and so here I am now being accused of starting the fight.” 

A sigh came out of his lips, “I never accused you of starting the fight. I simply said that we would not be shouting at each other right now if you listened to me!” 

“Are you in or are you out?” Hanji tried hiding her tears, a cough escapes her mouth to cover the pain she felt. 

“I have always been in, when did I ever show you that I never wanted this?”

“Then tell me the truth.”

The raven-haired man sat on the other end of the bed, staring at the floor and trying to process everything that was happening. Just weeks ago they were doing really good, he even felt happy. It was just a dream, after all, a beautiful one at that. After the party, things came crashing down. 

It was a single glitch in the system. A fucking stranger to him already, but it happened and now there was no way he could go back to change anything. 

“I told you, didn’t I?” He breathed, clenching his fists and closing his eyes. “It was nothing, why won’t you believe me?” 

Hanji closed the bag before replying, “sucking each other’s faces? That’s what you call nothing? I’m guessing every make-out session we had before going to bed was nothing to you, too. Forget about everything.” 

“Can you not go, please? Can you not leave me?” 

“I can’t afford another heartbreak, Levi. I just can’t anymore.” 

Thinkin bout you // Frank Ocean

Hanji held the phone by her chest, she sighed and stared up at the ceiling. Instagram was the best at reminding her of the things she lost. The screen on her phone lit, her wallpaper a picture of them during New Year’s. 

Levi stood in the middle of the room, a small smile on his lips as Hanji hugs him from the back. She remembers whispering promises to him, and she could recall the way he smirked at her. 

Nifa: Hanji, someone is down in the lobby waiting for you. 

Nifa: He says he isn’t leaving until you come down. 

Nifa: If you don’t want to see him I can call Mikasa to get his ass out of here. 

Hanji slid her phone under the pillow, turning away to rethink everything. 

She loved Levi to death, that man made her the happiest. So much so that she started feeling comfortable in the skin she wore. Levi was her person. 

The device hidden beneath the pillow began to chime again and she took it to check the new messages. 

Sasha: Bestie, I was about to visit and bring you food right? You will not believe who I saw. 

Sasha: It was your man! He looked like he didn’t sleep, I mean I know he really doesn’t but this time it looked worse. 

Sasha: Omg! I am not making you feel bad okay, I was just trying to describe him nicely because he paid for my order. 

Sasha: I’m coming up, open the door for me aight.

Sasha: ily 

Hanji opened Instagram, scrolling through her own feed and seeing all the posts she had of him. One she particularly loved was the candid shot of sleeping Levi, he looked so calm. She wished he had more of those. 

“I’ve been thinkin bout you,” she breathed. “What am I gonna do with you?” 

Mirrors // Justin Timberlake 

On the second week of their fight, Levi approached Hanji and asked if they could talk properly. And because she didn’t want to throw away their relationship without explanation, she agreed to meet him in their apartment. 

The original plan was to break up.

Hanji had her mind set, go back to their apartment just to talk then leave forever. But god was he so good. Levi was not only good at making her see reason, but he was also best at making her see stars. 

She stood from the bed, exhausted from their previous activity. Levi loved breaking her back. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asked her from behind, gripping her wrist tightly. “You aren’t leaving.” 

“You don’t decide that, Levi.” 

“I didn’t kiss her, I swear. She attacked me an-”

“You couldn’t fight back?” Hanji bit back, bitterness dripping from her tongue. 

“I did!! I pushed her away, it just so happened that you saw us the second she attacked me.” He pulled her in for a hug, “see how I am hugging you right now. I am begging you not to leave me. Cause I don’t wanna lose you now, I’m looking right at the other half of me.” 

“I fucking hate you,” the brunette’s voice broke. Tears streamed down her beautiful face and she made no effort to hide any of it.

“Go ahead, let it all out. Just don’t let go of me.” 

“I am sorry, Levi. I’m really sorry. I always assume th-”

“Sshhh, it’s okay. I got you.” Levi planted a kiss on her temple, “it’s you and me against the world, four eyes. Never let go of my hand.”

Of the billion songs out there, not one could express what these two felt for the other. Not a poem nor a story, but a touch from the other.

[amethystpath-writes]

BTHB Communication Suddenly Cut Off

@badthingshappenbingo

Original work!

Communication Suddenly Cut Off

******

Hero adjusted her shoulder, elbow on the arm of her chair. "No way!" She dropped her spoon into her bowl of cereal. "She actually said that to him?"

On the other end of the line, Friend laughed. "Oh yeah. I don't blame her a single bit! I mean, he was borderline stalking her. You remember when we were at Max & Erma's and he dressed up as a waiter just to see her? Insane."

Picking her spoon back up and shoveling it into her mouth, Hero mumbled a 'Yeah, guess you're right'.

"So what have you been up to? I missed you at the party today. You doing alright?"

Bending forward with legs bent on the cushion, Hero put her bowl on the coffee table in front of her. She grabbed her phone with a hand instead of holding it between her head and shoulder. Hero was cramping enough without having to take up weird body positions.

"I'm alright," she said. "Just exhausted from work, you know?" Exhausted from fighting a villain you hopefully know nothing about.

Friend was silent for a moment. "I get it. It sucks not seeing you though. Maybe we could have a movie night." Her voice pitched at this. "Be exhausted all you want that way. I'll get us some popcorn. And! I'll get the nacho cheese stuff to sprinkle over it!" Hero smiled in her seat. "I'll pick up a few movies from Redbox, too, so we don't have to watch a bunch of oldies. Okay, that's it. That's the plan. Now," Friend hummed then began mumbling, "It's five o'clock and Mom needs eggs from the store. I'll try to be there by-"

The line went fuzzy, a quiet chshhhhhh. "Friend? Hey, you're cutting out." Hero stood from the chair, walking to the window. Maybe there was better reception there? If it was on Friend's end then it didn't matter much, but she could at least try. "Friend? You there?" She pulled the phone away, the screen of her phone lighting up. Hero was on a second call. No name though. Weird. She hung up, or at least tried to. The screen hadn't changed when she tapped the little red phone. Hero tapped it again, but nothing happened.

Next time she tapped the counting timer that told her how long she was on a call with Friend. The phone call returned normally and the other disappeared. She shook her head.

"H-ero? I th-ink-"

Hero cut to the chase. The call wasn't getting any better. "What time?"

Chshhhhhh.

Damnit, Hero thought, and peeked at her phone again. 'Unknown Caller' it read for a second time. "Hello?" she said impatiently. No answer. "Hellooo?" Nothing.

She hit the home screen, tapping the text message icon then tapped on Friend's contact. 'Hey. Phones are acting weird. What time do you think you'll be here?' Hero typed. Hitting send, a red and encircled X appeared. 'Message failed to send' it said below. She touched the X and then touched where it said 'Retry'. The X reappeared. Hero repeated the process once. Twice. Three times. Four. Five. Nothing, nothing, nothing. "What the hell?" Her phone was slow sometimes, but never this bad. "She'll get here when she gets here I guess."

Her phone began to ring just as she tossed it on the couch across the room. Sighing, she went to pick it back up. 'Unknown Caller'. No. If it was important, they could leave a message or text her. Hero didn't pick up from numbers she didn't know, or from numbers that didn't appear on screen. She pushed the lock button on the side of the phone, rejecting the call.

"How rude, rejecting my call."

Hero froze. Her shoulders drew tight, her spine straightened so much that it cramped as badly as when she held her phone with a shoulder. Her jaw clenched and her eyes went wide, staring vacantly at the couch cushion in front of her. Was Hero breathing? If she was, she didn't feel it.

"Won't talk to me on the phone and now not in person either, hm?"

Goosebumps rose along her arms as she heard the villain stepping closer. How had he gotten in? She turned. "How did you find me? Where did you get my information? What else do you know?" Information being both her address and phone number, maybe even her specific phone if he was able to block her communications the way he did.

Villain looked so casual, he always did. You'd never expect him to be a madman who plotted humanity's demise. He looked like a fancy historian; brown pants, black turtleneck, plaid and half buttoned jacket. He had his hands planted in his pants pockets now. Hero still had no idea how he managed to get inside of her apartment.

He chuckled at her uptight-ness. "Can't we just chat for once- for a minute before you question my how-comings and motives?"

"No," Hero responded shortly.

Villain fake-pouted. "How's come? You and your friend seem great. I would love to gossip to you the same way."

Hero rolled her eyes. Her shoulders were still tense, but she was relaxing- not so far that she wasn't prepared, but just enough that she wasn't uptight beyond movement. "You didn't answer me. What else do you know? How did you learn anything about me?"

He smiled at her. "Now that's a fun story. Guess I get to monologue after all."

"Make it short."

"Or what?" He dazzled her with a wider smile, one that showed teeth. Was it just her or were they sharpened? It was just her, definitely just her- and her anxiety, her terror.

Villain strode to the chair Hero had been sitting in just minutes ago. He plopped down, ankle on knee, arms on either side. "Go on," he told her. "Sit."

"Maybe you should stand."

He chuckled without moving. "Darling, I don't think you understand how easy I have been on you. In multiple ways, actually." His eyes fell from her own to the couch behind her. "Sit." Villain looked at Hero again and she swore something changed in his eyes. They almost seemed darker. She obeyed.

"Now, I think you recall that little stalker of your friend?" Hero squinted, but nodded. "Did you know he's able to take up the appearance of anyone he wishes?" He didn't wait for a response. "In that, he's also able to project his own appearance onto bystanders, even control what they would do as him. Very talented, very...mindfully aware."

Hero shook her head. "Where are you going with this?"

He shushed her, softly, as if she was a baby. "He came under my employment about a month ago. Remind me," he said, "how long ago it was that your friend became ill."

Her eyes went wide and she nearly launched from her seat, realizing what he meant. Villain might attack her if she acted out so suddenly though. Hero remained seated.

"What have you done with her?" she demanded. It made sense what he said. Whoever his worker was, he made himself look like Friend 2 then made anyone else appear like him. But where was Friend 2 if she hadn't been with Hero and Friend all along?

"Nothing too dastardly. She isn't starving, but I'm sure she would appreciate a nice chicken dinner."

"And Friend?" she asked, somewhat panicked. Friend was okay, she had to be. Yeah, the phone call ended somewhat abruptly, but that was just because Villain interfered. Beyond that, she was fine, right?

Villain shrugged. "What do you think?"

Her eyes stung with tears she refused to let fall. She shook her head. "Why are you here? What are you doing?"

"Entertaining myself mostly. You're my opponent. I wanted to brag."

"I'll kill you," she swore. "If not tonight, I will find you like you did me, and I'll kill you when I do."

Villain's eyes twinkled from afar. "Cute. Very cute." He laughed heartily. "I told you already that I've been easy on you, right?" Again, he didn't wait for an answer. "I'm here for more than bragging rights. I want you to come with me. I've given you opportunity enough to back down on your own; I'm giving you another now. Come with, or I'll have to force your hand."

Her eyes became squinted and her lip lifted. "I'm sorry?"

"Surrender," Villain said simply. His legs uncrossed and he leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "If you don't I'll take you away forcibly."

Hero huffed a laugh. "As if you could. When have you ever bested me?" In truth, she was terrified. He was being serious, no amusement crossing his features. And the number of times he'd mentioned 'going easy on her'...what if he was telling the truth?

"Try something now then. Lunge at me." His lips were in a straight line. No emotion.

She considered him. Serious. He's serious. Villain was inviting her to attack him. Maybe she should take the opportunity.

Without another thought, she leaped from the couch, ready to tackle Villain, even though he was in a chair. She would have knocked the whole chair back if she could. But, something stopped her, a- a wall of sorts, one that glimmered like a bubble. "What-?" She touched that wall. Her fingers couldn't pass through. Shaking her head, she spun on a heel trying to return to the couch. Unfortunately she ran into another wall. "You're doing this," Hero muttered, facing Villain once again. She swallowed seeing his smile.

"So, you'll come with on your own. Otherwise I can push you along myself, and I think that would be rather humiliating, don't you?"

"This doesn't prove anything. You can push me, but you can't command me."

"Isn't it the same?" Villain sighed seeing Hero's fiery stubbornness. "Fine then. Let's have a little charade." He stood from Hero's chair, face forming into something...something Hero didn't quite understand. "I forgot to grab something to drink before I came here. Do you have something for me to drink, Hero?"

Her lips moved. "Yes, of course, Villain. Let me show you to the kitchen." Her hand flew to her mouth afterward. She hadn't said that. She hadn't said that. Hero's eyes found Villain's.

"Lead the way," he said.

Hero's feet moved on their own, leading the two to her kitchen despite how she tried to resist. She couldn't even feel herself pulling back. There was no resistance except for in her thoughts. She began unwillingly talking again. "There's some water bottles in the bottom right drawer. Fruit punch juice boxes on the left- though my younger cousin will be disappointed when she finds not only me missing, but her juice as well." 'When she finds not only me missing.' So this was how Villain would take her, by commanding her just like she said he couldn't.

What was almost worse was that what Villain made her say was exactly right. Water bottles, bottom right drawer. Fruit punch juice boxes in the left drawer. One of three things could have happened. One, Villain had that stalker, body-switching guy, go through her home while she was gone. Two, Villain himself went through her house while Hero was absent, or when he somehow snuck into her house while simultaneously messing with her phone today. Three, he had access to her mind. The last one would have sounded ridiculous if it weren't for the way Villain was controlling her now.

"You're realizing you have no choice now, aren't you?"

Hero nodded her head. She couldn't tell whether it was her doing it or if Villain was still possessing her. Either way, he was right.

"Why?" she asked. Villain tilted his head. Hero believed he could have gotten his answer if he wanted. Still, she continued, "Why are you doing this? Taking me? Is it not enough that you've taken my friends?"

Her body turned to the exit. She began walking through, walking to the front door of her apartment. They were really leaving. She was going to get sick.

"I'm tired of you fighting is all. It will be much easier to accomplish my goals if I don't have to worry about turning you away every time."

"Then kill me." She swallowed after she said it. Hero didn't really want him to kill her, but she also didn't want to be taken. Villain said Friend 2 was okay, not starving, but would certainly be happier if she was given more. Hero had a feeling she wouldn't be given the same treatment. Villain might actually starve her because of her putting a kink in all of his plans, for not surrendering when she was given multiple chances to.

"Am I really so awful to be around?" Villain asked behind her as she led the way to the elevators. "I should think my style makes up for any unpleasantness. This jacket was bought yesterday. I'm rather dashing in it, aren't I?"

Just as unwillingly as before, Hero said, "Yes, very."

******

Requests are accepted!

[lambourngb]

Nailing that Dynamic- Recs - Day 1

Day 1 for Creator’s Week, and I gotta say, this is my favorite fan event, mainly because it was the first one I participated last year. This little rec set is devoted to dynamics, divided into friendship, found family, and finally romantic (and yes, that’s Malex with me.)

We’ve had two seasons of this show, and while I can’t really relate to aliens or even the immigrant story, I do relate strongly to the stories behind friendship. I can say my appetite for fic with a good friendship dynamic will always be there.

Will You Be My Friend- Circle Yes or No (recs)

Finding You by @myrmidryad  (122,000) - If by chance the canon from high school bums you out, this is the story to read. Gin writing malex is always a ‘no-brainer I’m gonna read it story’ for me, but what really set this epic apart was how beautifully Gin writes the friendship dynamics between Michael & Liz, and Michael & Max. It’s a canon-divergent story with no-murder of Rosa or the shed scene, where in order to avoid enlistment, Alex disappears from Roswell and joins the Max & Liz road trip with Michael in tow. They just need to fill that gap between high school and the opening of the dorms at UNM so they can start a life together. And fill it they do with this road trip. There were moments where I sobbed with how badly Michael needed this in canon and didn’t get it. It also made me like Max, so, yeah. Great writing and characterizations here.

Hit the Road by @bestillmyslashyheart - (7,100) - One of the brightest spots for me in season two was Rosa Ortecho, and one of the most frustrating parts of season two was the fact we didn’t get any interaction between her and Alex. *screams* At least I had a few crumbs of Rosa & Maria (not nearly enough!) but still. Where there’s a glaring gap in canon, thank god there’s fanfic. Marlo treats us to a delightful story written post season 1, but had some surprisingly psychic lines about Malex, number one how they don’t think they are good for one another. I really enjoyed what this story says about leaving-  and honestly, the town of Roswell has so much pain tied to these characters, they should all take long road trips away from it.

a few drinks and some conversation by @christchex / @michaels-blackhat (5,600 ) - this one is set post-season 2, with all the complications of Michael deciding now wasn’t the right time for him and Alex, while also working on giving Maria the right space after their breakup.  I think it’s pretty clear that Michael needs a friend he’s not related to and someone he hasn’t slept with - to provide him so low-stakes genuine company outside of the alien bullshit and love triangle dynamics. Christi does this beautifully through the eyes of an OC and the number of times I’ve read this story is like 10, and also, it’s inspired my current story about Michael going on dates.

and headin’ out singing our song by @stars-and-sunshine (4,100) post season 2, Alex and Michael head off on a road trip (okay, this is a trope I apparently like since I’ve recced three stories now, hahaha) after Alex’s car breaks down. There’s a careful space in this story, of two men building a friendship again. The roadtrip details are beautiful, but what stayed with me is a scene in the museum. That summer of 2008 had some ghosts to address.

If I Follow You Home, Will You Keep Me? found-family dynamics

When You’re Gone by @bestillmyslashyheart (8,200) - Before I tell you why I love this story, I want everyone to follow the next link and read this story about email and messages and grief in the digital age [trigger for cancer death] chat history by Rebecca  Armendariz. (She also wrote a follow up called Timelines published by the Hairpin that talks about the memory function on facebook.) So back to the story, this is Rosa, opening her email 10 years after her death and reading the messages people sent her, thinking they were speaking into the void. Liz, Maria, Alex, Mimi and Arturo, all of them sending her notes, sometimes time passes without an email, then an event triggers that memory of Rosa not being there- and yeah, I found this whole thing to be so moving.

Never Ever Getting Rid of Me by @spaceskam - (4,400) this probably could have gone in the friendship side, but I feel like when you work in a high stakes place like a hospital, friends is a term that ends up being too light, and with the level of competition and stress it grows a bond like family... anyway, this is an AU where Michael and Kyle end up at the same hospital as competing interns but some elements of canon are still there.

still fixing all the cracks by @emma-arthur -  (3,400) this is a pre-canon story, set when Alex is 14. He’s still a soft child, being tortured by his dad, and soaking up the attention from Liz, Rosa and Arturo when he breaks a glass and spirals. Heavy discussion of child abuse and homophobic abuse, but a really good exploration of the canon-neglected Liz & Alex friendship, plus with that paternal Arturo Ortecho in the mix...

Ophiuchus by @planetsam - (11,600) the other bright side of season 2 was the reveal of Walt Sanders as being not only Michael’s boss, but someone who knew his mother, knew what he was, and silently looked out for him...now of course I wish he had been more overt in doing this, but fanfic once again has fixed this canon-oversight. This is an incredible look through Walt’s eyes as he gets in over his head adopting an alien child, especially one who already had issues from previous foster placements. I could read a million words in this verse.

The Michael Sanders AU by @prouvaireafterdark (17,000 ) And speaking of great AUs where Michael is raised by Walt, I would be really amiss in not mentioning this one. It’s got hot high school Malex moments, emotional/hurt comfort for both Michael’s past foster placements but also the shit Alex is living with at home. I have to say “Honey if You Stay” is my favorite, just because of how badly I wanted to hug teen Alex...

and finally, no found family rec list could be complete without mentioning the epic series To Raise a Child (117,000 in progress) by @haloud and @maeglinthebold - season 2 put some hits on my headspace and emotional reserves, not to mention 2020 nonsense, so I’m dreadfully behind in commenting on this story. It’s just a huge emotional bandaid for me right now- it takes the idea of “what if the adults in Roswell actually looked out for their children (and other peoples children) and protected them from shit” and what would that change. Michael was found at 7 and then runs away to Roswell at 10, so yeah, humans have already done their best to convince him the world sucks and only finding his siblings matters... Jim Valenti steps in, knowing what he is, and finds him a place in Roswell with Arturo Ortecho. Anyway, everyone gets a turn- Jim, Mimi, the kids, etc in the story, it’s well rounded and fleshed out. Obviously being a malex person my favorite parts are the kid-friendship/this-is-just-a-crush moments in second story, where if you hadn’t lost your heart to Michael Ortecho by then, well, you’re a goner after that story. 

I Could Build Your Heart A Home (malex recs)

time will lie down and be still by @islndgurl777 (29,600) the Practical Magic AU - which I loved but I have never seen the movie it’s based on lol... anyway, this story almost belonged up with my found family dynamic recs, because the story opens with Isobel and Michael being 7 and 8 years old alien siblings and left with Mimi Deluca to raise with her daughter Maria, because with their father recently dead, their mother would soon follow as a species level soulmate bond. Michael vows never to fall in love. Then there’s a beautiful friendship between Maria, Liz, Isobel and Michael as they grow up together that I just wanted to roll around in forever... However this is a Malex rec, so once Alex enters the story in high school and things go down similarly with Jesse, Michael is heartbroken, his soulmate (he thinks) is gone, vanished into the Air Force, and he spends the next 10 years helping Maria, going to school with Liz, and keeping in touch with Isobel. Until 2018 when Isobel finds out her perfect man was like them, an alien, and bad, and they are forced to cover up his murder. Then Alex comes to town. But the soulmate storyline is the winner here and I just re-read it again.

here everyone knows (you’re the way to my heart) by @adamsparirsh (19,700) So this story tackles a dynamic that think will be the death-knell to the Alex/Forrest relationship- the weight of the alien secret and Alex’s responsibility gland and what that looks like to someone who wants to be in a relationship with him. The exclusion. But outside of that- there’s this part of Alex that isn’t willing to let anyone in that isn’t already there, and that’s Michael. I’m fucking weak for stories where these two assholes can’t connect with anyone but each other, and this one hits it. There’s also so many lovely friendship dynamics between everyone showing up for Alex- like Rosa, Isobel, Max, Maria. Obviously this is a Malex-is-endgame story, even though it starts Alex/Forrest.

it’s a long road back to you by @magsthemagical  (17,000) This was an interesting, now AU take on what if Maria/Michael dated at the same time as Alex/Forrest, and honestly, I thought basted on the season two spoilers that was where we were heading. I was gobsmacked by 2x13. Anyway, here’s a story that discusses the tension that would happen if there had been simultaneous dating going on…the parts where Michael sees Alex being open with someone other than him were very raw and true to how I would think he would feel. For 10 years he wanted that and didn’t get it, and so of course the problem was probably him?? Anyway, I enjoyed this a lot, and again felt robbed that we are heading into a new triangle for season 3. 

untouched by @prouvaireafterdark (5,200) - okay, you know when you have an alien soulmate idea in your head and you want it to appear on the page, and then it does and it’s everything you wanted? That’s what happened to me when ‘Untouched’ appeared. Obviously it’s AU, but my reptile brain just loves the idea that Michael and Alex can’t get off with anyone else, and then that frustration builds into a sexy explosion... there’s also some communcation happening with these clowns. But seriously for 5,000 words, A LOT HAPPENS here and I loved every word.

Would you come home by @caitlesshea (1000) How great would have it been if season 2 had ended with Michael and Alex found a baby in a stasis pod instead of Beardy Jones? Like seriously, this short little fic healed so many of my wounds from season 2 that I couldn’t help but include it here. I would take 50,000 more words in this sadly AU take. 

Hoarding you by @foramomentonly (1200) okay, so the rain smell, like 2x04 was low key my favorite episode of RNM ever, especially with Alex throwing that flirty line “It’s smells like rain, that’s what you smell like under the grease and bourbon’ and this author takes that line, and fucking murders me with the idea that Alex can’t move on because of that smell. And Michael is now his, and finds out about it. This is my head canon, okay? No one can talk me out of it.

If you like any of these recs, please leave a comment on the story- a ‘this was awesome’ is enough to propell an author into the stratosphere with happiness, so don’t worry about coming up with a unique, never before shared insight- sometimes a keyboard smash and emogi makes all the difference!

[supergirl-fanfiction]

She’s Gone

Lena Luthor x Reader

Requested by Anon-

Hi, I really like your angst imagines on lena luthor x reader. Can you do more of them? Please.

(Y/N)- Your Name

Warnings- Angst, Depression, Suicidal thoughts, Self-Harm, Blood

A/N-If you are ever struggling my messages are always open.

Also I know I said it would be a Maggie x Reader story that was coming out but I just happened to finish this story a little bit before that one so I decided to post this one.

Things had gotten bad again but you refused to tell anyone. Not even your wife Lena. You didn't want to put anymore problems on her plate. She already had enough to deal with. Lillian and Lex were both up to their usual bullshit and Lena was trying to clean up their mess. You stared into the mirror but you didn't recognize your reflection. You felt tears begin to pool in your eyes as you brought out your razor. Your bottom lip trembled as the tears began to fall. You pressed the razor against your wrist and pulled the blade from your wrist to the inside of your elbow. You repeated this multiple times until you felt yourself become lightheaded. You collapsed to the floor as you went unconscious from the blood loss.

~~~~~~~~~

Lena had decided to leave work a little early today. She knew she hadn't been around as much due to having to clean up after her family and she felt bad. She was just so grateful that even through all of this you stayed with her. She truly didn't believe that she deserved you and all your love and kindness. She quickly made her way from her office of L-Corp to her car. She wished Jess a goodnight and made sure that she wouldn't be staying there for too long. As she got into her car she tried calling you but you didn't pick up your phone. A small frown appeared on Lenas face. She tried calling you a couple more times and each time it went unanswered she could feel a slight panic begin to build. It was unusual for you to miss a call from her much less multiple. She tried to shake off the bad feeling though. Maybe you were just taking a nap. She started her car and began to make her way home. You had seemed to be a little more tired lately. She couldn't blame you though. She knew that you didn't sleep well without her and she hadn't been getting home until 2am lately and leaving again at 6am. She could feel the guilt begin to gnaw at her heart. She hadn't been there as much as she should have been. She tried calling you a couple more times on the way home but she had no luck. She put her phone back in her pocket. Maybe you had finally come to tour senses and realized how much better you could do. Lena felt her heart drop to her stomach at that thought. She didn't know what she would do without you in her life. You made all the hard times bearable. Without you she knew that she would fall apart at the seams. She pushed her car to go faster as the panic began to consume her. She barely managed to completely stop her car before throwing it in park and jumping out running into the house she shared with you.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N)!" She screamed.

"Please don't be gone please don't be gone please don't be gone." She whispered to herself over and over again. She checked all the rooms on the first floor before she took off upstairs. Every room that she came to that was empty just fueled the panic inside of her. What if you were gone and she never saw you again? What if she never got to show you how much she loved you? What if she never got to make up for all of this? All those what if's and more ran through her mind. She felt the tears building in her eyes and tracing trails down her cheeks. She couldn't lose you she just couldn't. Her life would be incomplete. She would be incomplete. The first room she checked upstairs was the bedroom she shared with you. All of your stuff was still there. That should have calmed her down but it only made her panic more. She knew you had a history of depression but she had thought that you knew you could come to her no matter what. You always had in the past and she had always tried her best to make sure you knew that she didn't mind helping you however she could even if that meant just sitting with you in silence. The tears began to come faster now as she realized that something much worse than you leaving may have happened. She quickly checked the bathroom in your room but you weren't there. She had checked all the rooms downstairs and the only rooms left for her to check upstairs now was the guest room and bathroom. Lena has never ran so much or so fast in her life. She opened the door to the guest room. She didn't see you anywhere. She immediately ran to the guest bathroom. When she tried to open the door she found out it was locked. She immediately began screaming for you to open the door as she began to try and break it down. She felt her heart begin to completely shatter at the thought of you being gone but in a more permanent way than she had originally thought. The sobs began to make their way from her chest. She grabbed her phone with shaky hands and dialed the only number she could think of that she knew didn't have her blocked.

"Please answer please answer." She begged whoever would listen. Thankfully the person on the other end of the phone answered.

"Why are you calling me?" Maggie asked with anger in her voice. Lena wasn't on good terms with the super friends squad currently due to her just finding out that Kara was Supergirl. Lena didn't even care right now.

"Ple...please d...don't ha...hang up. It's...it's (Y/N). They...they tried to ki...kill themselves. Pl...plea...please. I n...need he...help. Please Maggie please." Lena begged her as she sobbed. She didn't care that she was begging something she never did. She just knew that the only people who would be able to help now would be Kara and Alex. They both had her blocked though after everything that had gone down. There was a moment of silence on the phone. Maggie couldn't believe what she just heard and all the anger she held in that moment completely vanished.

"I will have Kara and Alex head you're way immediately. I need to know how bad it is though. What did (Y/N) do?" Maggie was trying to stay as calm as possible.

"There are cu...cuts from th..their wrist to the..their el..elbow. I don't... I don't know how many. There's so many. Maggie please please I can't lose them." Maggie's heart broke at the sound of the younger Luthor breaking down. She may have held anger against her for the way she dealt with everything but she wouldn't wish this on her. Maggie knew how important (Y/N) was to Lena. She was honestly scared of what would happen to Lena if they were unable to save you.

"Alright, Alright. Alex and Kara are on their way right now. They should be there soon." As soon as Maggie finishes saying that Kara appeared in her Supergirl suit with Alex in her arms. J'onn was right behind them in full Martian appearance. The sight that greeted them would haunt them forever. There was a pool of blood around you and Lena was kneeling in it. Lena has your blood all over her and she wasn't even sure how it had gotten on her. Alex and Kara locked eyes and no words were needed. Kara picked you up as gently as she could and before Lena could even say anything Kara had taken off with you. J'onn picked up Alex and left with her following shortly behind her. Lena was left alone in the pool of your blood. She knew she should do something, anything but she couldn't move. She was frozen in that moment. She had no idea how long she was sitting there before Kara had appeared in her vision. Kara held out her hand and Lena just stared at it for what felt like an eternity before placing her hand in Kara's. Kara lifted Lena up and wrapped her arms around her in a hug. That's all it took for Lena to completely lose it. She held onto Kara like she was her only lifeline in this world. She sobbed into Kara's shoulder. Her whole body was shaking and she held onto Kara a little tighter. Kara felt her heart break at the state Lena was in right then. She wasn't sure how she was even supposed to tell Lena the news now. She didn't feel like she could.

"Let's get you cleaned up alright?" Kara spike calmly to Lena. The news could wait until Lena at least no longer had your blood all over her. Lena nodded her head slightly but refused to let go of Kara. She felt like if she let go she would break apart into a million tiny pieces. Kara was the only thing holding her together in that moment. Kara could tell Lena wasn’t going to be letting go anytime soon so she picked her up and carried her to the bedroom she had shared with you. She set Lena down in the bathroom and Lena slowly let go of her.

“Take a shower and I’ll set out some pajamas for you.” Kara spoke softly to Lena. She knew she had to be gentle with her actions and words. Lena just nodded her head slightly. Kara took that as a yes and left Lena to herself. Lena couldn’t even look at herself in the mirror. She knew she wouldn’t be able to handle seeing herself covered in your blood. She slowly stripped herself of her bloody clothes before stepping into the shower. She turned it as hot as she could possibly stand. At first she just stood there under the water and watched as it turned from clear to red from your blood. She turned and grabbed her loofah and began to scrub her skin raw. She scrubbed every inch of herself and she still felt like she wasn’t clean. She could still feel your blood in her hair and on her arms and hands. She slowly sank to the floor of the tub and wrapped her arms around her legs. She buried her face in her arms and tried her best to muffle her sobs. She stayed like that until the water ran cold. She probably would have stayed there all night but Kara knocked on the door and she knew she had to get out and get dressed. She let out a quiet coming and quickly dried off before dressing in the pajamas Kara had left for her. When she walked out of the door Kara didn’t recognize her. She looked nothing like the strong empowering boss that Kara knew she was. She looked like a scared little girl lost in the world. Kara immediately wrapped her in a hug. Lena did nothing. She no longer had the energy honestly. She just wanted to know what had happened to the love of her life. She pulled back from Kara slightly and cleared her throat before asking,

“How’s (Y/N)?” Kara’s face immediately fell and that’s all Lena needed to see to know. She ripped herself away and began to pace back and forth as she shook her head.

“No. No. They can’t...please don’t...Kara please.” Lena couldn’t even get out a full sentence. Kara felt tears gather in her eyes at the state Lena was in.

“I’m so sorry Lena. Alex....she tried everything. There just...there was too much blood loss. I’m so sorry Lena. I’m so sorry.” The scream that came from Lena as she fell to her knees wasn’t human. Kara had never heard a sound like it in her life. Lena began to pull at her hair and punch the ground.

“NO! NO! NO! NOT THEM! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!” Lena screamed through her sobs. Kara felt her heart shatter as she watched one of the strongest people she knew crumble in front of her eyes. There was nothing Kara could do. There was nothing anyone would ever be able to do. Lena has just lost her entire world and nothing would ever be the same. Lena would never be the same.

[littlemisssquiggles]

i now a lot off ppl n the fndm dont like rg caz they think there a big difference btween a 15 year old an a 17 year old but i think that ppl overlook that oscar smart 4 his age and i wouldn't be shocked if like ruby he got to skip a few grades but i get the feeling other would still see rg as a problem even if oscar was the same age as ruby or even if it was 2 year age gap and it was just a year or a few months

*insert the world’s longest exasperated groan right here* With all due respect anon-chan but…I really don’t want to get into the whole 2 year age difference with Rosegarden topic again since, pardon my language here, but I am honestly fucking tired of seeing it as a legit popular complaint against the ship.

Mind you, this has nothing to do with you, fam. I’m not lashing out at you personally.

It’s just that regarding the topic at hand, I’m just REALLY, REALLY fed up of seeing this dead horse being beaten repeatedly by all the antis who make it their mission to constantly harp on Rosegarden and its shipping community for it.

Oscar and Ruby are two years apart. If Ruby just turned 17 as of V7 then surely Oscar is on the cusp of turning 15 at some point, probably closer to V9 or so. If we’re looking in terms of grades---well I’m from Trinidad and Tobago and our education system actually reflects more of the British school system where instead of grades with pre-school, elementary school, junior high school, high school and then college/university, what we have is pre-school, primary school, secondary school and then university will be our tertiary form of education, more or less.

At their current ages from the show, if Ruby and Oscar were in my country, they will both be in secondary school. At age 14 going on 15, Oscar will be in Form 3 (and entering the stage where he is supposed to be choosing subjects for CXC exams) whereas Ruby will be in Form 5 (getting ready to take the CXC exams).

Either way, Oscar will be in Form 3 and Ruby will be Form 5. Ruby will be two forms higher than Oscar. That still doesn’t erase the fact that they are still only two years apart. Just 2 and ONLY TWO.

Do you want to know why I absolutely despise the two year age gap argument against Rosegarden anon-chan? 

Because it’s all completely hypocritical. It is hypocritical that certain-certain folks take such strong issue with the 2-year age gap when it comes to the Rosegarden pair but are perfectly fine with it when it comes to the more FNDM-favoured pairs such as Whiterose, Lancaster and Nuts and Dolts. Particularly Whiterose since that is the ship that people seem to THINK Rosegarden is fighting a shipping war against when in actuality, as a Rosegardener, I could care fucking less about entertaining any foolish nonsensical shipping war with anyone. 

Again, pardon my use of profanity here. That’s just to express how much I am done with this shit and hearing about it when it comes to my favourite RWBY ship.

While Ruby may be two years older than Oscar, she is also two years younger than Weiss, Jaune and Penny. It’s the same age difference no matter how you spin it. Yet it’s a case where the age gap is only problematic for one ship while being fine for another and that’s the contradiction that irks me.  

And y’know what else? You’re actually right about your last statement. The problem that certain-certain folks have with RG ISN’T even about the age difference. It isn’t the real issue and don’t think for one millisecond that it is. Because regardless of whether or not, Oscar was only one year younger than Ruby or one year older than Ruby or even the same age as Ruby---it wouldn’t really matter to certain-certain folks since the issue isn’t really about the age of the characters.

The REAL issue is that certain-certain folks just don’t want Ruby to end up with OSCAR. These people ship Ruby with someone else particularly a certain-certain snow angel, who according to them, has known Ruby longer than Oscar and therefore is entitled to end up with Ruby over him.

Yes, I shit you not, that is an actual claim that I’ve heard against Rosegarden in favour of another certain-certain ship…despite the show never really portraying that particular relationship to be romantic of any kind.

Bottom-line, certain-certain folks feel threatened by the RG ship since the showrunners seem to kinda, sorta, maybe, most likely want to develop the relationship between Ruby and Oscar beyond a friendship or at least they wish to hone in on pushing Ruby’s connection to this our little freckled farm boy to be a lot deeper than the relationship she has with other character and to those certain-certain folks, that’s a problem for them because in their heads, they want the showrunners to only focus on Ruby hooking up with their favoured partner for her…regardless of the series never really portraying that relationship they like to be romantic of any kind.

And THAT is the TRUE conundering conundrum we are in as Rosegardeners. Dealing with these certain-certain folks and their shit.

I’m sorry anon-chan but for future reference (and that goes for anyone else who might be reading this response post) do you mind not bringing up the so-called age gap issue with Rosegarden to me please ^^);

I’m fine with other topics just not this one since I’ve had enough. In the past, I’ve answered similar questions and inbox messages on this same topic and I’ve honestly reached a point where I no longer wish to discuss it at all on my blog.

It’s nothing against you or anyone else who may still wish to talk about this subject. This squiggle meister and squiggly Rosegardening Pinehead just doesn’t want to anymore since…how many times as a Rosegardener do I have to repeat the same information and set the record straight for the same none-troversey as Red Letter Media would put it.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the Rosegarden pair and wanting to  see them be endgame as an adorkable young couple. Certainly not because of their age difference. 

Because if Ruby and Oscar can’t be an “alleged” couple because they are two years apart then neither can Ruby get together with Weiss, Jaune or Penny since the gap is the same.

I don’t even want to hear anyone dare mention the Ozpin issue since that’s been debunked too in the show in the Lost Fable episode from V6. So really there are no real arguments that anyone can make against RG that hasn’t already been debunked by a) the fans who pay more attention to the development of the pair in the story than the antis, b) the showrunners and/or c) the actual story in the series. 

So the people who keep making a hullabaloo about it---making the same ole noise over the same ole things honestly need to stop. They are embarrassing themselves at this point and it sickens me to see their half-hearted arguments and claims against RG pop up on the tags on social media when I’m trying to enjoy my ship.

Or rather, I’d just need to stop listening to anything the antis say which I have. Or at least I’m trying to. This round for V8, I don’t know about other Rosegardeners, but I want to avoid the discourse like Neo in the Matrix.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2020)

[artificialqueens]

You're All I Want (for Christmas), Part 1 (Branjie) - Kiki

A/N: College ending for the semester means I am trying to force myself to feel as festive as I possibly can by writing Christmas fics lmao. I hope you guys enjoy this, it’s gonna have another two parts and I had so much fun writing it, hope you enjoy! 

Summary: A classic Christmas past, present & future fic. Brooke and Vanessa meet at a club one night and hope to have the best Christmas ever.

12th March 2018:

Brooke Lynn had never wanted to be at home more than she did right now. It was Detox’s birthday, one of her best friends from college, and while she should be excited to spend the night celebrating with her friends, all she wanted to do was go home, have a hot bath and go to sleep. She had been absolutely killing herself at work recently, trying to impress the senior partners at the law firm she worked at which had meant pretty much little to no relaxation time and the one night off she could afford to take would have to be spent in a club? Not ideal, at least not for Brooke.

She walked into the club with Nina at her side. Nina had spent the last ten minutes outside the club giving Brooke a pep-talk as to why she shouldn’t bail on this birthday party and eventually Brooke agreed to stay for at least an hour or two. Brooke knew that the reason Nina wanted her to stay so badly was so that she wouldn’t be left alone with Detox’s work friends but Brooke could understand that. She wouldn’t want to be left alone with complete strangers in a club either.

They handed their coats into the coat check and as soon as they turned the corner, they were straight in the middle of the club’s dancefloor. It didn’t take long for them to spot Detox in the massive booth that she had reserved for them, dancing on the table and drinking straight from a bottle of champagne. Nina rolled her eyes fondly at the birthday girl and Brooke knew deep down that this was going to be a messy night if Detox had her way.

It seemed as though they were the last two to make it to the club. There were only two empty seats left at the table and after they had said hi to Detox and wished her a happy birthday, the two girls sat down opposite each other. Brooke turned to her left to say hi to whoever she was sitting next to, just to be polite, but what she saw took her breath away. The girl next to her presumably worked with Detox and considering they worked in the fashion industry, all of Detox’s friends always looked phenomenal but Brooke was absolutely overwhelmed by this girl’s beauty. Brooke had to physically make an effort to close her mouth because if she didn’t her, her jaw would have probably been on the floor in a matter of seconds.

“Hey…I’m Vanessa.” The girl smiled brightly at Brooke and Brooke knew that she must look like an absolute creep considering that she had just been staring at her and not saying anything. Brooke quickly recovered and was able to hold a conversation with Vanessa without making herself look like an idiot. They talked about work, about how they knew Detox, just basic things that strangers would talk about. But there was something about how at ease Brooke Lynn felt the entire time she was talking to Vanessa. It was easy…almost familiar.

Detox kept ordering rounds of shots for the table and was refusing to let anyone get away with not taking one. Everybody had been on the dancefloor and doing things that normal people would do when they went to a club, but not Brooke and Vanessa. They had spent the entire evening getting closer and closer to each other on the couch after each shot was brought to them.

Brooke swore she had never laughed as much as she did that night. Vanessa’s stories were hilarious and the way she told them made Brooke captivated by her every word. She genuinely believed that Vanessa could read the phone book to her and Brooke would still be highly entertained. Vanessa’s humour aside, they seemed to have an amazing connection considering they had only met two hours ago. Brooke found herself opening up to Vanessa more than she would to her own family members and that said something about how approachable Vanessa was.

After the third hour of talking to Vanessa, Brooke knew she had to get her number. She couldn’t let her get away without asking her out on a date. She knew that they were both tipsy but surely Vanessa must feel how intense their connection is too, right? Brooke was working herself up to ask Vanessa, all of her usual confidence with flirting with women completely gone, when something ruined her chances.

That something was Nina. She had been out dancing with Detox and the rest of the group and came back to the table and loudly announced that she was going to puke all over the floor if she didn’t get out of there immediately. Any other night, Brooke would have laughed at Nina since she is notoriously known for being bad at holding her liquor, but tonight Brooke found herself being a bit upset that her night was being cut short, which was a big change to how she felt at the beginning of the night.

Brooke apologised to Vanessa but of course Vanessa understood that she had to take care of her friend. Nina bolted towards the exit of the club, leaving Brooke to grab all of their belongings and run after her, hoping that Nina didn’t puke on the floor before she got there.

Vanessa was sad to see Brooke go. She hadn’t felt a kind of connection like that with anyone in a long time. She awkwardly went to go and join Detox and the rest of her work friends on the dancefloor knowing she would immediately get teased by everyone for spending her entire night with a stranger. But damn, to Vanessa, it had been all worth it.

—

20th March 2018:

Brooke was sitting in a local brunch spot with Nina waiting for Detox to show up. She always knew in advance that Detox would be late to everything that wasn’t a night out in a club but every time it still managed to shock her. They had been waiting for half an hour now and Nina had not stopped apologising for how drunk she had gotten the week before at Detox’s birthday party. Brooke was hoping Detox would show up soon, not just so they could order their food but so she could stop listening to Nina apologise for the hundredth time in a row.

Finally, Detox decided to grace them with her presence and they all ordered their food and of course, Detox put an order in for three mimosas and Nina immediately turned it down. Nina started to, once again, apologise for how drunk she had gotten and Brooke had, once again, reassured her that it was no big deal and that it happened to all of them every once in a while. Detox told them the stories of what had happened after Brooke and Nina left the club and from the sounds of it, Detox had gotten even drunker than Nina had.

“Vanessa had to bring me back to my place, I could barely fucking remember my own address!” Detox laughed while telling the story which seemed to comfort Nina a lot, but Brooke couldn’t help becoming more interested in what Detox had to say once she mentioned Vanessa’s name.

“Vanessa seemed really nice…” Brooke said kind of quietly, trying not to show the effect that Vanessa had had on her. In reality, Brooke had not stopped thinking about her. She could still hear her laugh and could still picture the excited look on her face when she was talking about something she was passionate about…but Detox didn’t need to know that.

Detox raised her eyebrow, clearly picking up on Brooke’s unsubtle words. “Nice? Really, B?”

“Yeah, we talked for a bit and she was a really nice girl.” Brooke tried to act completely uninterested but she knew that it wasn’t going well for her.

“A bit? Brooke Lynn Hytes, you spent the entire night with her.” Nina said while laughing and Detox joined in, both of the girls clearly enjoying that they had something to tease Brooke about. Brooke rolled her eyes in annoyance and realised that this wasn’t going to be as easy as she had previously thought.

“Fine, can you please just give me her number, D? I really wanna talk to her again.” Brooke Lynn admitted and thankfully, Detox had a smile on her face and seemed impressed that Brooke had just asked for what she wanted instead of being too proud to admit that she had a crush on someone.

“Finally, I was waiting for you to ask…she’s been bugging me all week for me to give you her number, she can be the most annoying person when she gets her mind set on something,” Detox picked her bag up off of the floor and started searching through it, taking out a small business card and handing it to Brooke. “Here. Vanessa’s a wild one but she’s got a heart of gold, hope you enjoy.” Detox ended her sentence with a wink and Brooke could feel her cheeks heat up with embarrassment. She decided to wait until she got home to send the first message to Vanessa and she was beyond excited.

As soon as she got back to her apartment, she got changed into some comfier clothes and sat down on the couch with her phone in her hand. She didn’t know how to start off the text to Vanessa. She didn’t want to appear desperate or uncool. But she also didn’t want to sound like she didn’t care. She decided to just play it safe and say hi, even though she knew deep down that it would probably be an extremely boring text for Vanessa to receive.

B: Hey, it’s Brooke Lynn from the club. Detox gave me your number, how are you?

As Brooke pressed send, her heart rate immediately sped up. She hated how lame she sounded but she couldn’t help but stare at her phone waiting for a response. Thankfully, Vanessa replied almost immediately.

V: Well well well, Miss Brooke Lynn Hytes. You took your damn time texting me, didn’t you? ;) 

B: Actually, Detox only gave your number to me an hour ago. She made me ask for it before she gave it to me lol

V: Aww, so you wanted to talk to me again? That’s sweet :)

Brooke felt like she was in middle school again. Texting Vanessa was just as addictive as talking to her in real life had been. They hit it off again right away and started talking about random things; how their weeks had been, how work was going and how much Vanessa wanted to adopt a kitten. After an hour and a half of texting and enough flirting to last a lifetime, Vanessa had enough.

V: So Brookie, when are you gonna ask me out on a date?

B: Lol, how about I ask you now?

V: Seems like a good idea, you should never keep a lady waiting

B: Dinner next Saturday? Promise not to keep you waiting again

V: Can’t wait <3

—

27th October 2018:

Six months later, Vanessa and Brooke were still together. Brooke asked Vanessa to be her girlfriend on their second date and since then, they were inseparable. Every moment they had off work was spent in either Brooke or Vanessa’s apartment (usually Vanessa’s since it was bigger) and they would cook each other dinner and just hang out, enjoying each other’s company.

Vanessa was in her kitchen making pasta for her and Brooke to have for dinner that night. Brooke was coming over as soon as she finished work, which was any minute now, and Vanessa was nervous. She was going to ask Brooke to move in with her. Realistically, she knew that it might be too soon to ask but Brooke’s lease was coming to an end soon and she knew that Brooke hated her own apartment so the timing was perfect. Brooke hadn’t renewed her lease and that gave Vanessa hope that maybe she was thinking about moving in together too.

Another factor that made Vanessa think this was a good idea was that they had said “I love you” to each other after just one month of dating. Vanessa had a smile on her face as she stirred the pasta sauce whilst thinking about their relationship. She knew deep down in her heart that their relationship was meant to be and that moving in together was the next logical step.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door and Brooke let herself in. As soon as Vanessa heard Brooke’s voice, the nerves came rushing back. She knew that there was no backing out now.

Vanessa had timed the dinner perfectly; it was ready as soon as Brooke had got there. She served the pasta into two bowls and handed one to Brooke and they sat down and enjoyed their meal together. Brooke noticed that Vanessa seemed different today, she was her usual energetic self but in a different way. Instead of seeming excited, she seemed nervous and jumpy. After they finished their meal, Brooke asked Vanessa what was going on and while Vanessa had an entire speech prepped in her mind about how she wanted to ask Brooke, all that came out was: “Move in with me.”

There was a deafening silence in the room that made Vanessa even more scared and just as she was about to start rambling all of the different reasons that had made her even think of saying that, Brooke simply replied by saying “Okay.”

“What?” Vanessa was shocked. Brooke planned everything out in advance. She had thought it would at least take some convincing to get Brooke to even consider the idea of moving in with her but no, she had agreed almost immediately.

“I said okay, I’ll move in with you.” Brooke replied like it was no big deal and got up to go hug Vanessa. Vanessa had an enormous grin on her face and decided that a hug was not enough. She grabbed Brooke’s face with her hands and gave her a massive kiss, not allowing either of them to come up for air until Vanessa was satisfied. Brooke picked Vanessa up with ease and brought her over to the couch where she laid her down and kissed her some more.

After a while, it hit Vanessa that this was really happening. Brooke was really going to move into her apartment. Their apartment. They were going to live together, see each other every single day. When she woke up in the morning, Brooke would be the first person she would see and when she went to sleep, Brooke would be the last person she spoke to. She was beyond excited.

“So what are you thinking about Christmas? What kind of decorations should we get?” Vanessa asked with a tone that was so serious yet so endearing to Brooke at the same time. She laughed at her girlfriend’s eagerness and wrapped her arm around her side.

“October isn’t even over yet, babe. Let’s make it through Halloween first.” Brooke said with a laugh while she placed a kiss on the top of Vanessa’s head which made Vanessa giggle.

“Okay, fine…but if I find out you’re one of those bitches who likes those tacky colourful lights on their Christmas tree instead of white ones, I’m not gonna be happy.”

—

10th December 2018:

Brooke Lynn walked out of the café near Vanessa’s office with two takeaway coffee cups and a paper bag in her hand. She had gone to work super early that morning so she could finish earlier and surprise Vanessa by picking her up from work. She picked up some of the luxurious hot chocolate and some champagne truffles (two of Vanessa’s absolute favourite treats) and walked into the large building in Manhattan where Vanessa worked. She took the elevator to the 42nd floor and walked over to the area where Vanessa’s office was located.

Vanessa’s eyes lit up every time Brooke walked into the room and Brooke didn’t think she could ever get tired of seeing it happen. Vanessa quickly ran over to her girlfriend and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before grabbing the hot chocolate and telling Brooke how much she loved her, which of course, Brooke replied to instantly.

“You guys make me nauseous, stop being so in love,” Detox said loudly as she walked by with a ton of files in her hand. “Some of us have to work, we can’t just have our girlfriend pick us up and leave at five o’clock on the dot.” Brooke rolled her eyes fondly and Vanessa turned around to face her.

“Shut the fuck up Detox, maybe if you arrived to work on time you could actually leave on time for once!” Vanessa stuck her tongue out at Detox which made Detox break her bitchy façade and laugh back at her. Brooke loved sharing a best friend with Vanessa, it always made hanging out with people so much easier when they already both wanted to hang out with the same people.

Brooke noticed that Vanessa had been a little down recently and she was on a mission to cheer her up. Her mom was going to visit her grandmother in Puerto Rico and Vanessa wasn’t able to take that much time off work to be able to go with her so it was going to be her first Christmas that she had ever spent without her mom. Therefore, Brooke had made it her own personal goal to make sure that the entire festive period was super fun for Vanessa so she didn’t even have time to think about missing her family.

As soon as they left Vanessa’s office, they went to pick out a Christmas tree for their apartment because Brooke insisted the real ones were nicer to look at and smelled better than the fake ones. Plus Vanessa had never owned a real tree before and Brooke’s Canadian heart just couldn’t accept that.

When they got the six-foot tree back to the apartment and got it all set up in its holder (meaning Brooke got it set up while Vanessa watched), Vanessa revealed all of the boxes of Christmas decorations that she had ordered in the last few weeks that she couldn’t wait to put up. There were a ton of different baubles for the tree, Vanessa had decided on a red and gold theme with, of course, the white Christmas tree lights. Vanessa even got a star to go on the top of the tree that had “B&V” written on it which made Brooke a lot more emotional than she cared to admit.

Once they were finally finished decorating and Vanessa had finished her rendition of All I Want for Christmas is You, the apartment looked like a Winter Wonderland. Vanessa knew that Brooke didn’t love Christmas as much as she did and that all of this was done to make sure that she was feeling okay about not being able to see her family and that made it all the better for Vanessa. Knowing that Brooke would do whatever she could just to make sure that she was okay made her happier than anything else ever could.

—

16th December 2018:

Vanessa had her surprise for Brooke planned since September and she was extremely proud of herself for not ruining the surprise and telling Brooke everything immediately. She even checked with Nina and Detox to make sure that Brooke would absolutely love what she had planned for her and they agreed that, yes, she would enjoy it a lot.

Brooke used to be a ballet dancer and was good enough to be a professional but had to quit because of an injury that didn’t heal properly. Vanessa figured out quite quickly after knowing Brooke that ballet still meant a lot to her and was still one of her passions, even if she couldn’t do it the same way she used to. Brooke told her stories of how her parents used to bring her to see a ton of different ballet performances any time they left their hometown of Toronto to visit New York City because, in Brooke’s opinion, that’s where all the best ballet shows are. Brooke especially loved it during the Christmas season because that’s when her absolute favourite ballet, The Nutcracker, was performed.

And that was exactly what Vanessa had bought them tickets to go and see. Vanessa knew that Brooke would never buy the tickets for herself. Working at a law firm was such a demanding job and she knew that if Brooke had time off, she would spend it with Vanessa instead of watching a ballet performance. So that’s why Vanessa felt that it was a necessity for her to spoil her girlfriend and treat her to something she wouldn’t even dream of buying for herself.

Since it was a Sunday, neither of them had to go to work and they spent the day relaxing in their apartment not doing much. But around three o’clock, Vanessa told Brooke that she had a surprise planned and that they needed to start getting ready and putting their fanciest outfits on and to be ready for six o’clock.

Vanessa worked for a fashion company, it was her job to choose and put together outfits for the brand to then go on and sell so when she saw how put together Brooke’s personal style, it made her very happy. Vanessa took her time curling her hair and noticed that Brooke was practically busting with excitement and Vanessa was overwhelmed with joy.

They hopped in an Uber and went to Brooke’s favourite French restaurant and Vanessa felt so sneaky that Brooke believed her when she said that was the surprise. Brooke was so happy with having dinner but little did she know what was coming next.

“I love you so much, V.” Brooke said as they were sipping on their wine and eating their meal.

Vanessa smiled and felt her heart tug with joy. “I love you too, baby,” Vanessa had to stop Brooke from taking the dessert menu when the waiter offered it to them and Brooke looked so disappointed. “We have places to be, Brooke Lynn. We can order your cake next time.” Vanessa paid the bill and took Brooke’s hand. Brooke was already asking her a million questions about where they were going next and it took every fibre of Vanessa’s being to stay quiet until they finally reached their destination: the Lincoln Centre for the Performing Arts.

Brooke’s jaw dropped when she realised what building they were standing outside. “V…you didn’t.” Vanessa reached into her clutch bag and took out two tickets that said “The New York City Ballet’s production of George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker”.

“Yup, Brookie…I did.” She waved the tickets in front of Brooke’s stunned face and Brooke grabbed them from her hands in shock. Vanessa watched as her girlfriend’s face went from shocked to ecstatic in just a matter of seconds and she was so happy that Brooke had reacted just how she had wanted her to. Brooke grabbed Vanessa’s face and kissed her like her life depended on it.

“Careful, babe…we’re going to the ballet, you can’t ruin my lipstick. I gotta look all fancy.” Vanessa said, taking out the small mirror she kept in her purse and making sure her makeup wasn’t ruined. Brooke laughed at her girlfriend’s dramatics and took her hand, leading her inside. They took their seats quickly and the show started at exactly eight o’clock.

Vanessa had never been to a ballet show before so she didn’t really know what to expect. She was grateful that she was at least a tiny bit familiar with the Nutcracker as it was probably one of the most well know ballet storylines. But she didn’t watch much of the dancing. Brooke’s eyes were glued to the stage, she had a massive smile on her face throughout the entire performance her eyes were sparkling with delight. Vanessa spent most of the performance watching Brooke. Watching how happy the surprise had made her made Vanessa feel so proud that something she did had made the person she loved so happy.

—

22nd December 2018:

Brooke woke up on Saturday morning to the sound of a text notification on her phone. She felt relieved when she saw that Vanessa’s side of the bed was empty. She had gone to finish off her Christmas shopping and Brooke needed her gone to be able to collect and set up her Christmas gift before she got home. She was beyond excited to see Vanessa’s reaction to what she had got her. She just knows that Vanessa is going to love it.

At first, Brooke had been a bit disappointed that she couldn’t keep the gift hidden until Christmas Day but that would have been impossible given the circumstances. Vanessa would definitely hear the gift making noise throughout the day. Plus, all of the shelters were closed on the 25th.

Brooke quickly got dressed and braced herself for the cold weather. She walked the short walk to the shelter near their apartment and almost immediately after she arrived, a tiny kitten in a travel cage was brought out to her. Brooke fell in love with him instantly.

She brought him home and was again thankful that Vanessa was gone for the morning so that she could get all of the supplies set up for their new family member. She had somehow managed to order most of the things online and keep them hidden from Vanessa which she thought would be a lot more difficult than it actually was. Usually Vanessa could tell when Brooke was hiding something but thankfully Brooke was able to keep it together this time. She went to the closet in the guest bedroom and lifted up the blanket that she had used to hide all of the supplies. She got him a new bed, a collar, some food and a food bowl, a litter tray and probably about twenty different toys. She knew that she may have gone slightly overboard with her purchases but could guarantee that Vanessa would love all of it.

After she gathered all the supplies and brought them to the living room, she opened the door to the cage and tried to coax the kitten out. The people at the shelter said it might take a while for him to be brave enough to come out so Brooke decided to start setting up his bed and give him the space he needed. As soon as she was done setting up his new sleeping area with all of the different blankets, he slowly walked over to where Brooke Lynn was sitting on the floor.

Brooke was so happy that she had met the little cutie a few times before bringing home. Now he wouldn’t be with total strangers as he had been able to get used to Brooke, even just a tiny bit. Brooke was being very still so that she wouldn’t frighten him and he immediately cuddled into her side and began purring. Brooke didn’t think she could love an animal as much as she currently did and she had only owned him for about ten minutes.

She picked his tiny little body up and sat down on the couch with him, gently stroking his head. The kitten started to fall asleep and Brooke swore she had never felt as peaceful as she did in that moment. That all changed when she heard Vanessa using her key to open the door. She leapt up off the couch and put the kitten into his new bed and rushed to the door to greet her.

“Hi baby,” Vanessa said as she opened up the door with about ten different bags in her hands. “What have you been up to?”

Brooke Lynn could barely contain herself. “I have a surprise for you.” As soon as Brooke said that, Vanessa heard a tiny bell ring and as she turned the corner into toe living room, she saw what created that noise. It was a bell attached to a collar…on a tiny little kitten. The exact type of kitten that she had told Brooke she wanted.

The kitten was standing in the middle of the room just staring up at her and Vanessa almost died from how cute he was. She ran straight to him and held him in her arms and it was clear that it was love at first sight for the both of them. The kitten rested his head in the crook of her arm and Vanessa never wanted to move a muscle again in case she disturbed his rest.

Vanessa immediately started crying and Brooke knew that it was a happy cry. Vanessa often cried when she was overcome with love and Brooke was so happy to see it happen now. Brooke walked over to her small family and wrapped her arms around Vanessa’s waist.

“So what are you gonna name him?” Brooke whispered, not wanting to startle the cat.

“Thackery. His name is Thackery.”

They spent the rest of the evening obsessing over his every move. Vanessa’s Instagram story was about thirty minutes long full of videos of her cuddling the cat and the cat playing with Brooke and even the cat falling asleep. It was safe to say that Brooke Lynn’s Christmas gift for Vanessa was a success.

—

24th December 2018:

Christmas Eve had always been one of the most peaceful days for Brooke and Vanessa. it was their first ever Christmas that they were spending together but they both had their own family traditions that helped make the day an extra special one.

Brooke woke up to the smell of pancakes being cooked and felt her stomach growl with hunger. As she walked to the kitchen, she felt herself being eternally grateful that the companies she and Vanessa worked for were one of the nice ones that actually closed on Christmas Eve.

When she reached the kitchen, she found Vanessa already dressed, flipping multiple pancakes on the stove and adding blueberries to them. The kitchen counters were full of bags from the grocery store and when Brooke took a peek inside them, she saw nothing but baking ingredients. Brooke simply raised an eyebrow at Vanessa who immediately began to explain.

“We have to make Christmas cookies because its my family’s tradition and we have to make the chocolate Christmas cake that you love because it’s your family’s tradition. Duh.” Brooke laughed at Vanessa’s response and was flattered that Vanessa always seemed to remember the little details about her childhood that Brooke told her.

“Babe, I don’t think we’ll be able to eat all of that.” Brooke said and watched as Vanessa immediately rolled her eyes when she heard Brooke’s words.

“We will eat nothing but dessert for the next few days if we have to, this is a necessity.” Vanessa said seriously and Brooke tried her best to hold back a laugh. She decided to just agree with whatever will keep Vanessa happy and once they finished their amazing blueberry pancakes, they got to work.

They spent at least three hours baking that day and both of their creations turned out really well which filled Vanessa with delight. What they failed to notice was Thackery climbing on the counter and getting flour all over his paws and leaving the tiniest little pawprints all around the apartment. Usually, a mess like that would make both of the women angry but they couldn’t find it in themselves to be angry at Thackery. He was just too cute to be mad at.

Once they had Thackery’s mess cleaned up, Brooke made them both a cup of hot chocolate and they sat down on the couch all cozied up with their blankets.

“What movie do you wanna watch, babe?” Brooke asked, knowing that Vanessa has an extensive list of favourite Christmas movies and that they would probably end up having a marathon of all of her favourites. As Vanessa began to list the pros and cons of each movie she was considering, Brooke knew that this was the best Christmas Eve she had ever had.

—

25th December 2018:

Vanessa had been lying in bed for what felt like hours. The alarm clock on her nightstand let her know that she had been awake since 6am and while that would have been an acceptable time for her to wake up at on Christmas morning as a child, she figured that Brooke wouldn’t appreciate being woken up at the crack of dawn as much as her mother used to.

As soon as the clock changed to 7am, Vanessa decided that she couldn’t possibly wait any longer and woke her girlfriend up by kissing her over and over again until her eyes began to flutter open.

“Merry Christmas, B.” Vanessa whispered as Brooke opened her eyes properly for the first time that morning. Brooke pouted her lips slightly, signalling that she wanted a kiss from her girlfriend, which Vanessa happily obliged to.

“Merry Christmas, Ness.” Brooke wrapped her arms around Vanessa and Vanessa lay her head on Brooke’s chest. For the first time that morning, she felt totally calm. But she knew that if they lay there for much longer, they would fall back asleep and Vanessa just couldn’t accept that. Not when there were gifts that they had to give.

Vanessa spoke to Brooke’s mom and found out that she always made French toast on Christmas morning so Vanessa had to carry on that tradition for Brooke. Vanessa finished her breakfast in about two minutes and spent the rest of her time telling to Brooke Lynn to eat faster so they could start exchanging gifts.

Brooke finally finished her food and they headed to the sitting room where the Christmas tree was (Brooke had managed to convince Vanessa to let her delay the process by making a quick cup of coffee so she could match Vanessa’s energy levels) and Vanessa immediately sat on the floor and got ready to give Brooke everything she had gotten her. There was one gift that she was the most excited about and she couldn’t anticipate how Brooke was going to react.

Brooke decided that she wanted to give Vanessa her gifts first which made Vanessa’s nerves grow slightly but she forgot about all of that when she was able to start opening up her gifts. Of course, Thackery was Vanessa’s main gift from Brooke and he sat watching his two moms from his bed, still not awake enough to join in on the fun.

Brooke had still made sure to get Vanessa lots of little things that she could put under the tree to keep her girlfriend excited. She got her a ton of her favourite makeup products and Vanessa was insanely happy about that. She also got her some massage vouchers for a new spa that opened up near where they lived and she got her some Italian cooking classes with a professional chef that they were gonna take together since Vanessa adored Italian food.

Vanessa was so happy with everything that Brooke had gotten her and decided that she would give Brooke her smaller presents before she gave her the big one. She got her some clothes that she had designed which made Brooke love them even more. She also got her a ton of books that she thought Brooke might be interested in and a bottle of her favourite perfume because she noticed Brooke was running low.

There was just one box left under the tree: it was a small box and Brooke guessed it must be some sort of jewellery item. She opened up the box and it was a necklace, but when she looked a bit closer, she saw that there was a ring on the necklace where a charm or diamond would usually be. She held her breath as she read what it said on the box: “I promise to be yours forever”. Brooke Lynn could feel the tears coming into her eyes and Vanessa was so happy that she didn’t react badly.

“Just to clarify, I’m not proposing to you or anything…it’s a promise ring that you can wear around your neck and one day, it’ll be your engagement ring.” Vanessa said softly, taking the necklace and moving Brooke’s long blonde hair out of the way so she can put the necklace on her. Brooke’s hands immediately went to hold the ring as soon as it was on her and she finally let the tears fall from her eyes.

“I fucking love you so much, Vanessa. I can’t wait to wear this ring one day.” Vanessa wrapped her arms around Brooke’s neck and they shared a kiss filled with so much love that Vanessa thought she might just get down on one knee and propose properly right then and there. But she contained herself. All she knew was, she had never felt so in love as she did in that moment.

[ochard-fics]

Bad Ideas - A Spider-man Story

Chapter Index: 1, 2, 3

Pronouns used: they/them

Genre: Enemies to lovers, slow burn, angst, fluff, young love

Warnings: Mild parental abuse

Word count: 10.4k+

Summary: Though you moved across the country about half a year ago, you are still trying to find your footing in the strange streets of New York. On top of that, you are desperately trying to balance your demanding school life at Midtown School of Science and Technology, where you like everyone but you was much more talented and smarter than you could ever imagine to be. Among those students is the one whom you loathe the most: Peter Benjamin Parker, the boy who’s success both in school and in Stark Industries is constantly shoved in your face. The only person who helps you escape those troubles is Spider-man, the hero of Queens and your crush.

A/N: Hello friends! First I would like to apologize for the delay of the third chapter. Several personal issues kept pilling on during these past few weeks which made it difficult for me to get the motivation to write. Hopefully this won’t happen again, as I was planning on getting a chapter out every 2-3 weeks. With that all said, please enjoy this latest installment! Likes, reblogs and feedback is highly appreciated!

Chapter 3: Pride, Prejudice, and Boba

When MJ and Ned arrived at school the following day, they were completely unprepared for the pettiness their two best friends were about to display towards the other. Both you and Peter refused to acknowledge the other’s existence, and when there were moments in the day that your eyes met they only showed daggers. The tension was suffocating for MJ and Ned, who were trying their hardest to advert their friend’s anger but it was to no avail. The both of you were sure that they didn’t do anything wrong, and that the other is the one to blame for their childish attitude. At one point MJ and Ned just had to give up, and they just had to sit back and watch as you and Peter seethed at each other throughout the day.

On Friday you awoke, groggy and disgruntled. The alarm had interrupted your much needed rest as you were working until 12 a.m. Additionally, you received an email from Ms. Lee, asking that you meet up with Peter again for your tutoring session. The e-mail left a sour taste in your mouth, which you could still feel as you recalled the message whilst getting dressed. Hopefully, the taste could go away with a nice breakfast.

As you headed downstairs, you noticed that your dad was at the dining table by the window, drinking his black cup of coffee while typing away on his laptop. You don’t say anything as you make your way to the fridge, grabbing the tub of cream cheese then snatching a bagel from the bread box on the counter beside it. You began to fix yourself a cream cheese bagel sandwich when your dad spoke up,

“What did you get on your chemistry quiz?” The butter knife you were using to cut the bagel froze in your hand, and you felt the sense of dread weigh over your shoulders again.

“I don’t know,” you lie, resuming your bagel cutting. There is silence, though you could feel his gaze on you, hoping to catch you off guard. In the past, whenever you failed an exam, you would’ve done everything to avoid telling your parents your true grade. It wasn’t an honest tactic, but you feared the wrath of your father if he were to know about your grades. And when he did find out, you had to hide in your room while he yelled insults behind the door. Thankfully, because of your fight regarding your wish to be less dependent on him, it’s been easier to evade his interrogation. Well, almost. You heard him let out a low grumble.

“I was told by your mom that Peter Parker is going to tutor you,” he speaks, “Your councilor called her to let her know.” You continued with your silence and focused on spreading the cream cheese on the bagel in a haste. You knew where he was going with this, and you wanted to get out of the house as soon as possible. 

“It’s tragic that he has to be the one tutoring you,” he says with a sarcastic sigh, “If only you weren’t such a lazy brat it could’ve been the other way around. Yet you chose to waste your time fooling around when you should be studying to get to the top. I raised you better than that.” A lump formed in your throat and you tried to swallow it, despite the pain it caused. Instead of saying goodbye to him you instead grabbed the bagel and headed towards the front door, avoiding eye contact with him. When you grabbed your bag and headed out the door, you made sure to shut it with a slam.

 The school day came and went with nothing interesting happening, though you and Peter were still giving each other the cold shoulder treatment. The e-mail Ms. Lee sent was still on your mind, though you were hoping that Peter wouldn’t fall through with her demands. This was not the case, though. As you were grabbing your sketchbook from your locker after your last period of the day, you felt your phone buzz in your pocket and take it out only to find a text message from Peter. 

Meet me at the library. It read. This made you let out an obnoxiously haughty scoff. There was absolutely no way in hell that you were going to see that stupid boy’s face. You knew if you had to see him again the first thing you’d do was swing a fist as his dumb rectangular face. Then, an idea lit up in your mind, making you smirk mischievously. Why should you have to listen to him? All he did was cause you trouble, and you didn’t need any more of that today. So instead of heading towards the locker, you turn your heals towards the entrance of the school. Making sure to look around for any sign of Peter or Ms. Lee, you blended into the crowd of students pouring out of the school, and made your way towards the nearest subway station.

-

You trudged your way up the exit of the musty-smelling subway station, where you found yourself stepping into NYC’s colorful Chinatown district. This was one of your favorite places to go in Manhattan. Every time you come here (which was very often), you get mesmerized by the aroma from the restaurants, large, bright signs written in Cantonese or Mandarin, and the soundtrack of shop owners offering their wares to anyone passing by them. Despite your parents wanting to actively avoid the area, you absolutely loved it. Plus, it was the home of the best boba tea in NYC.

Weaving through the bustling market area, where sellers were shouting deals in their native tongues as well as English, you made your way to your favorite boba tea joint in the district. It was tucked into a small, secretive courtyard away from the craziness of the main street, where it was inhabited by humble mom-and-pop shops that were nestled under apartment buildings. Just as you entered the alleyway, your phone vibrated. Pulling it out of your green sweatshirt pocket, you saw another test message from Parker, though this one was much more passive-aggressive than the one he had sent you before. You rolled your eyes and angrily shoved your cracked phone back in the pocket, adamant about ignoring your responsibilities today. 

You finally made it to Hi-Tea, the boba shop that you have been frequenting ever since you moved to New York. It was a small hole-in-the-wall establishment that you had found on a whim while you and your mom were exploring Chinatown upon your first week arriving in the state. Your mom found the place tacky, but you thought that it’s pastel color palette was quite charming. The glass doors leading you into the shop would always be painted every week to promote the flavor of the week, which you thought was really smart on their end. You practically came here once a week, sometimes twice if you were having an especially bad day. So, because of your frequent visits, you became friendly towards the staff that worked there, in particular Grace and Frankie. 

Both of them were in college, though Grace was older than Frankie by a year. Grace was much more outgoing and bubbly than Frankie, who was more reserved and soft spoken. Though you were also pretty shy around strangers, especially college kids, your recurring presence and Grace’s naturally charming personality allowed you to warm up to the two young adults. To your pleasure, you saw from the store’s front window that both of them were occupying the shop today. You excitingly scamper to the door, where upon opening it, the petite golden bells tied to the top alerting the two employees of your presence. They turn to look up and when they both spot you, Grace breaks out into a smile.

“Hey there (Y/N)!” Grace cheerfully greets you as she’s adjusting her cat themed enamel pins on her pastel green apron, “It’s so good to see you! Are you here for your usual? Brown sugar bubble tea with oat milk?” Yeah, you knew that boba was called bubble tea here on the East coast, but because you were an arrogant Angeleno you still referred to the tasty tapioca balls as boba, much to the annoyance of your fellow MSST classmates. You scrunch up your face in thought comically and stroked your chin, earning a giggle from Grace. Upon briefly scanning the menu that was placed on the counter with your eyes, you say “Could I have a jasmine milk tea today?” 

“Of course!” she cheerfully exclaims. As she gets to placing your order, her expression changes as if something occurred to her. She looks up at you and asks,

“Wait, aren’t you supposed to be at work today?” 

“I can’t work on Fridays anymore,” you reply in a huff.

“Huh? Why not?” she asks, a curious expression upon her face. You began to tell her all that had happened the past few days; meeting with your counselor, her forcing you to be tutored by the one person you despise, and you getting into a very heated verbal fight with said person. Then you told her that because of the circumstances revolving around the tutoring, you were forced to cut your Friday work hours to accommodate to your councilors demands, much to your chagrin. Frankie, who was listening in on the conversation as he was cleaning up the drink assembly station, looks to you and asks,

 “Wait, then aren’t you supposed to be at school right now?” You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, but I decided, fuck it!” you cried and shrugged with raised arms, “I had a shitty past two days! I should treat myself!” Grace and Frankie look over at each other, exchanging expressions of concern and disapproval. 

“So,” Grace looks back at you, raising a brow, “you ditched your tutor?” 

“Yeah, but I don’t give a shit,” you reply, waving your hand dismissively, “It’s what he gets for being a prick.” 

“Still, don’t you think that’s kind of rude?” Frankie questions as he walks to the counter to join in on the conversation, “I mean, I know you guys fought, but can’t you come to some sort of truce?” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at Frankie’s absurd suggestion.

“Please, I’d rather jump off the Empire State than apologize to that shitbag,” you brashly say, rummaging through your backpack as you looked for your wallet, “No way would I say sorry to someone who constantly makes my life a living hell.” Grace and Frankie looked at each other, unsure of what to say. 

“But...what if he catches you ditching?” Grace asks as she looks back at you, dismayed. 

“There’s no way he can catch me,” you reply with a cheeky smirk, handing over the due amount for the boba to Winnie, “And even if he did, what’s he going to do? Drag me back to school?” To this you let out a short laugh, though Frankie and Grace didn’t seem to find this amusing. Frankie gives you one last judgemental look but says nothing, then goes to work on your order. Winnie opened her mouth to say something but then closed it, deciding it was pointless to get you to see the wrong in your doing. She takes the amount and gives you back the change, though you drop it in the tip jar for them. You moved to wait patiently by the pick-up section of the store, and in just about two minutes Frankie presented you with your drink. You took it excitingly and bid goodbye to the two young adults before heading back outside into the courtyard. A vibration from your phone rumbled in your jacket pocket, so you took it out again to see yet another text from penis Parker.

    Where are you? It read, You need to get here now or else. You narrowed your eyes at the text as you read it again, then let out a pretentious scoff. What the hell, was he trying to threaten you now? Little shit was getting a bit too confident! You shoved your phone back into your pocket and focused back on your chilled treat. Just as you were about to stab the plastic cover with the straw, something from above grabbed at the drink and yanked it right out of your hand. Bewildered, you looked at your hand then around your surroundings. 

“Shouldn’t you be at school right now?” a voice called out to you. You looked around until your eyes wandered up then widened. Spider-man was casually sitting on the edge of a fire escape, looking down at you with your boba tea in his hand

“You can’t drink that without the straw, you know,” you say loudly, holding up the straw. Suddenly, a web sling shoots at your hand and recoils back to its sender, who thanks you with a nod.

“You didn’t answer my question,” he says, stabbing the top of your drink with the straw, “You’re supposed to be at school right now, right?” 

“N-no,” you said, looking away from him.

“Really?” he holds up your beverage and looks at it, “Because Delmar told me you moved your Friday shifts to Thursday since you had a study date with Peter Parker today.” Gosh damn Delmar and his blabbermouth, now you were caught in the act! You shoved your hands in your jacket pocket and continued to look at everything around you but him.

“Care to tell me why you’re near the Lower East Side instead?” he asks, looking down at you. His tone sounded much less playful than usual, making you feel uneasy.

“I-,” you were flustered, unsure of what excuse to come up with on the spot. Then, you looked up at him, brows furrowed and ask,

“W-why are you so concerned?”

“I’m concerned because you ditched someone, which, by the way, is a pretty shit thing to do.” he replies cooly. You then watch as he lifts his mask up to his nose and takes a sip of your drink. At this moment you realized that this was the first time you had ever seen any part of Spider-man unveiled. Though you wished that he wasn’t high up, as the angle made it a bit hard for you to see much of his features. “Mmm, is this jasmine tea? I like the aftertaste. Very floral.”

“Did you steal my boba so you could lecture me?” You loudly ask him and you put your hands on your hips. 

“Not necessarily,” he says with a shrug, taking another sip of your drink, “Though the bubble tea is a nice bonus treat.”

 “Why does my personal life concern you?” you said, crossing your arms, “This is between me and that dumbfuck. And that dumbfuck deserves to get his ass ditched.” 

“That ‘dumbfuck’ is willing to help you out,” he simply says, then takes another sip, “By the way, I think you’re being a little harsh with those insults of yours.”

“Not my fault I tell it like it is,” you snap back, “He’s just wasting my time and his! I don’t need his help, or anyone’s! Plus, he has no idea how to tutor anyone! You should’ve seen how irritable he was!”

“Well, it’s his first time tutoring, right?” he asks you, “Maybe you need to cut him some slack. He means well.” To this you let out a short, cynical laugh.

“So what? He’s supposed to be the smartest kid in our grade!” you cry “It isn’t rocket science; it should be easy for him! Just like everything else is!”

“Have you ever tutored someone before?” he inquires, looking down at you. You didn’t respond. Instead, you ask him,

“What’s your deal with defending him, anyway?” 

“Because you’re being unfair to someone who’s trying to help you,” he replies, and you couldn’t help but laugh at his ridiculous claim.

“Help me?!” you shout out passively, “He does nothing but make my life miserable! I don’t want his help!”

“You need it whether you like it or not,” he says sternly, which you found was very out of character for him, “Just like that time I saved you from getting hit by that taxi.” The anger that was boiling inside of you was reaching its peak. All rational thoughts were replaced with the need to defend your ego. And when your ego got involved, it brought out the worst in you

“I didn’t ask for your help!” you spat back out of anger. 

“So what should I have done?!” he angrily shouts back, “Let you get killed?!”

“Maybe!” you roar back, your voice echoing within the courtyard. A heavy silence hung in the air, as the two of you glared at each other, a familiar setting to Wednesday. Your fists were clenched so tightly you could feel your shoulders strain. Finally, the masked hero lets out an irritated scoff.

“Fine, if you don’t like my help,” he stands up from the railing of the balcony, “Don’t ever expect it again.” You felt your heart drop into your stomach, regret immediately sweeping into your senses. You just fucked up big time. You wanted to shout back an apology, but before you could he shoots a web sling at a nearby building and begins to swing. You ran after him, calling out to him in anguish, but he was much too fast. Soon you found yourself back in the middle of Chinatown, desperately looking around for Spider-man as he disappeared into the city, leaving you guilt-ridden and ashamed.

    -

Misery plagued your emotions for the rest of your Friday through Sunday. All you could do was wallow in your sorrow over pissing off your crush. You couldn’t feel more humiliated!

You wondered, though if you were being as unreasonable as Spider-man claimed. Of course not! you think countering yourself. That little twerp always acts like he’s the best at everything and constantly rubs it in your face! Well, not literally, but it happens when he gets the highest exam scores, when he wins first prize at the school’s annual science fair, and when he boasts about how he’s working for Stark! Ugh, he just pisses you off!

It annoyed you how enamored your parents were by his success. Why couldn’t they set the bar lower, like comparing you to Flash! You’d at least beat him! But no, it’s always Peter. “If you studied harder, you’d be at the same level as Peter!”, “I bet Peter gets straight A’s in all of his classes!”, “You should pick a more practical major, like Peter!”. The constant praise they give him in contrast to the scolding you received only fueled your hatred for him. And Spider-man knew this! You had expressed your dismay with your classmate several times since you met him so it only made you more upset that he decided to defend Peter!

Yet you still felt guilty about snapping at him so harshly. Not only did you ruin your friendship with him, but all chance of finding out who his true identity was! Now you were never going to see him again! It took all the willpower you had in you to resist slamming your head against a wall. This regret was consuming you alive, so in order to relieve yourself of it, you turned to MJ for advice.

On Sunday you related to her the past two days as well as your emotional roller coaster while watching Pride and Prejudice through facetime together (the 2005 version, though MJ was very vocal about the historical inaccuracies of the costumes, but you didn’t care because Kiera Knightly was so damn good looking in this). She listened to you intently as she watched you explain everything, and as you wrapped up she leaned back onto her bed frame, taking all of this in.

“Well, that’s...something,” she finally says after a long pause, “You managed to piss off Spider-man...that’s pretty incredible.” 

“Now isn’t the time to be sarcastic, MJ!” you cry out as you hang your head in shame. MJ was the only person you had confined to about your friendship with the blue and red hero of Queens, as well as your harboring feelings for him. MJ teases you about it every now and then, but she overall has kept her word of secrecy on the matter, which you greatly appreciated. 

“You’re going to think I’m crazy,” she continues, “But I think he had a point about Peter. Listen, I love to poke fun at that little white boy, but you take it to a whole other level.” This makes you frown in response.

“He deserves it,” you mumble back, but just loud enough for her to hear. Now it was her turn to frown.

“Does he?” she asks you, “I can’t believe I’m taking his side, but Peter’s hasn’t done anything wrong. I think your jealousy is taking things out of context.”

“I’m not jealous of him!” you claim, “Why should I be!? I don’t want to be a stupid science nerd like him.”

“I’m a science nerd,” MJ points out, “So is Ned. Are we stupid?” 

“You’re different,” you retort back if a huff, “You’re cool and weird but in a good way.”

“As I should be,” she replies with a shrug, “But I still think that you have been a bit too hard on him. Which is kind of funny, because I remember that you had a crush on him.”

“T-That was in the beginning of the year!” you hastily quip back, feeling your cheeks flush up out of embarrassment, “That was before he started getting on my nerves!” It’s true, the first time you had met Peter, you were at a game shop with your mom buying a console. It was the first week since you moved from Los Angeles to Queens, and the both of you were still trying to navigate the city. To make you feel better about the move, your mom promised to buy you a console that had just been released which you had your eye on ever since it was announced. 

When you were in the game shop, you noticed him with Ned, who was accompanying him. The two of them were gushing over the release of a new Star Wars video game which had just been released recently. His smile was the first thing that attracted you. It really lit up his whole face so nicely that you couldn’t help but blush. Then you remembered the horror you felt when your overly extroverted mother approached them and started sparking up a conversation with them (her excuse was that they seemed to be about your age, which she wasn’t wrong about, but it seemed a bit unnecessary!). Peter then noticed you, awkwardly standing a few feet behind your mom with a bag of cupcakes that she had gotten from the city’s famous cupcake shop. He and Ned introduced themselves to you, and the kind smile he gave to you made your heart jump. 

The memory made you frown. Now you just felt embarrassed for having a crush on him. Yet again, you didn’t expect that you would be attending the same school, where you found out just how incredibly talented he was. It impressed you in the beginning, as soon as your parents got wind of the bright young boy with the Stark internship, it all blew up in your face. Watching you reminisce upon this, MJ asks you, 

“You sure you still don’t have a crush on him?” You answer with a profound and loud no, which MJ interprets as a good time to drop the subject. So decided to get back on track.

 “You’re going to hate me for suggesting this,” MJ says, then takes a bite at a pretzel stick from the bowl she had beside her, “But I think you should apologize to Peter.”

“WHAT?” you shout so loud that the crows in the tree out in the backyard were startled.

“Here me out,” MJ begins, her hands held up in defense, “You feel guilty about yelling at Spider-man, right?” You reply with a nod.

“Well, wasn’t the reason why he was upset with you was because you ditched Peter? Maybe if you apologize to Peter, Spider-man could forgive you.” 

“I don’t need to apologize to him!” you retort, crossing your arms in a huff.

“Even if you don’t want to, you should,” she replies, taking another bite of a pretzel stick, “It’s that or you never see your Spider-boyfriend again.” This makes you frown out of dissatisfaction, and you ask her,

“How would Spider-man even know that I apologized to him?!”

“Doesn’t Peter work at Stark? I remember him mentioning that he and Spider-man were buds. You could ask Peter if you could talk to Spider-man.” she answers. Though you doubted the possibility of this happening, MJ might not be wrong. If what she’s saying is true then that means if you apologized to Peter then you could make up with Spider-man! 

“How do I make up with Peter?” you ask her with a determined look on your face. MJ smirks in satisfaction, pleased to have gotten to you. She tells you,

“First you admit what a big dingus you’ve been towards him.” This makes your frown, much to the amusement of your friend. She continues,

“Then you should get to know him better, not as who you think he is, but for who he really is.” You frown in thought.

“Look at Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy’s relationship, for example,” she suggests, “At first she judges him based on her assumptions about him. She thinks he’s stuck up, cold, rude, and selfish, which leads her to probably one of the best roasts in literary history. Though it turns out that he’s just very socially awkward and that she was misled by false information about him.”

“What’chya getting at?” you ask her, suspicious of her ramblings

“Well, maybe like Elizabeth, you’re letting your pride misjudge Peter.” she proposes.

“Maybe my pride is correct.” you say firmly. 

“God, you are so stubborn!” MJ groans, “Do you want to see Spider-man or not?!” This makes you shut your mouth, and you allow her to continue.

“Okay,” she lets out a huff, “Whether you’re right or wrong, taking the time to get to know Peter will benefit you. You could learn a lot about him. And who knows? Maybe you can find out something about Spider-man, too?” This peaks your interest. Could she be right about that? You had no idea how close Spider-man and Peter were, but the tutoring lessons could be helpful in trying to use Peter to figure out who the masked hero was. It sounded sleazy, but it felt like good motivation to make up with him.

“Tomorrow, as soon as you get to school, talk to him privately and apologize to him,” she tells you, “And sound like you mean it, even if you don’t.” You let out a groan. It was annoying that you had to make up with him, but with MJ’s suggestion (and your grade on the line) you knew you were out of options. It was either suck it up and go with it or fail your classes and lose the potential freedom from your parents. As you and MJ continued to watch the movie, you could yourself ponder over your first feelings towards Peter again.

-

The next day at school you arrived early in order to locate Peter. The weather had chilled considerably, so today you dawned your red down coat that was perfect for the cool, overcast morning. You hustled yourself quickly to the lockers, hoping to catch Ned and Peter. Instead, you spotted Ms. Lee by your locker, staring down at you from across the hallway. His made you immediately stop you in your tracks, a cold sweat rushing throughout your body. She beckoned you to come towards her, to which you sheepishly complied. By the sour look on her face, you could tell you were in deep shit. She greets you with a cross-sounding “Good morning”, which you meekly wished her one as well. 

“Mr. Fill informed me that you didn’t show up to meet with Peter on Friday,” she tells you, “I was also told that you two also made quite the scene on Wednesday. Would you care to tell me what happened?”  You gulped. There was no way you could fabricate a response believable enough for her to take right now. She was visibly upset with you, and you could feel it weigh you down. The right thing to do was to tell the truth, but you were horrified by what would come out of that (see: your parent’s reaction). As you struggled to come up with a response, you didn’t notice that someone was approaching the two of you. 

“Hey (Y/N)!” a familiar voice called out to you. You turned about to see who it belonged to and were very shocked to see a cheery Peter Parker walking up to you.

“You left this at my place on Friday,” he hands you a blue spiral bound notebook, which you take with utter confusion. Ms. Lee shared your perplexed expression as well, looking at the teen boy with a raised brow. 

“Good morning Mr. Parker,” she greets him, regaining her authoritative aura, “I was just asking (Y/N) about your study session on Friday. Mr. Fill told me that while you were at the library on Friday, (Y/N) was nowhere to be seen. Did this have something to do with your bickering on Wednesday?” You looked over at Peter, wide-eyed with terror at what he would say. Knowing him, he was probably going to use this to his advantage and throw you under the bus-

“Oh, right!” he snaps his fingers as if he remembered something, then turns to Ms. Lee, “(Y/N) texted me the day before and said that the library was too distracting for them. So we agreed that we would study at my place from now on. For some reason I forgot about that and was waiting for them until I remembered! It’s my bad, Ms. Lee.”

…Huh?   

There was no way you were hearing this right now. Was Peter covering for you? Was this a prank? It had to be, right?! You sneaked a pinch on yourself and surely enough, this was all happening in real time. While you were busy being confused by your current reality, Ms. Lee and Peter continued conversing.

“I see,” she says, though she sounded suspicious, “And I presume you two made up?” 

“Of course!” he replies gleefully, giving you a nudge to help him sell the lie. You snap out of your confusion and give her a hasty nod.

“Well, I’m glad you were able to work things out,” she says with a pleased smile, then turns to you, “I do think it’s better for you to work in a more personal setting than a public one. And if it works, then who am I to complain.” She then bids you two a good day, where you and Peter both watch her walk down the hall. Just as she was out of earshot, you decided that this would be the perfect chance to apologize to him. 

“Peter,” you quickly turned to him, “I-”

“Meet me at the football bleachers during break,” he cuts you off coolly, still looking towards the hall, “We need to talk.” The first warning bell chimes throughout the school, and the hall begins to bustle with high schoolers desperate to make it to their first period on time. So he leaves you alone, perplexed with all that just occurred and anxious for what’s to come during break.

-

As soon as biology wrapped up, you sprinted past some students towards MSST’s football field. The chilled air hit you as soon as you opened the doors to the field , tickling your cheeks. You jogged across the football field, where students were spending their break tossing playing catch, jogging around the field, or just sitting on the grass and chatting. Halfway into your jog you spotted Peter, who was sitting in the mid-section of the bleachers. You hurried yourself towards his direction quickly, the anticipation clenching your stomach. He notices you and gives you a surprised look. 

Guess he didn’t expect me to show up, you think to yourself as you trudge up the metal bleachers. You finally reached him and sat beside him (leaving space between the two of you, of course) in a huff. There was silence at first, besides the sounds of the schoolyard. You wondered if you should speak up first, but for some reason you couldn’t think of anything to say. The cold air made you shove your hands in your pockets, and you look towards him, where he continued to look out to the field, a very serious expression plastered across his face. This was the first time you had ever seen the awkwardly goofy Peter Parker look so stern, and though you would usually find pleasure in seeing him so pissed, it actually scared you a little. After what felt like an eternity, Peter finally spoke up,

“You have a real shit attitude, you know.” The cool bluntness takes you by surprise. In all of the months you have bullied Peter, this was the first time he has ever cussed at you. You wondered how long he’s been waiting to do that. He exhales a long, controlled breath and continues to talk,

“I would love to know what I did for you to hate me so much. Because last time I checked, I’ve been nothing but nice to you since you moved here. Was it something I said? Something I did?!” He turns to you, his glare piercing through your soul as he waits for a response. You opened your mouth, but words evaded you. For the first time Peter has left you speechless. The cockiness you usually had towards him was nowhere to be found. No snarky comeback, no rolling of the eyes, all you could do was gape at him. Peter, seeing that you weren’t answering, turns back to look at the field and continue speaking,

“I’ll be honest, I don’t think this is going to work out. Us working together. I’m going to talk to Ms. Lee and see if she can set you up with someone else.” Shit, this wasn’t good! You were going to lose your chance at apologizing to Spider-man! You had to do something, quick!

“No!” you reply with a shout, grabbing his arm out of impulse. The shout was a little too loud as it echoes throughout the field, catching the attention of everyone there. He looks at you, startled by both the shout and the grip. Noticing the eyes turned to you and Peter, a blush flushing your cheeks. You immediately retreat your hand as students went back to minding their own business, then take a breath to control yourself. 

 “I-I mean,” you looked at him, sheepishly. Come on, (Y/N), it’s now or never!

“I’m sorry.” you say.

To say Peter was shocked was an understatement. He gave you the most puzzled you have ever seen anyone give you, and who could blame him? An apology from you wasn’t what he was expecting from you. He thought the most you would do was scoff and walk away, unbothered, so now he was caught off guard.

“I’m sorry for being such a huge asshole on Wednesday” you continue, forcing yourself to look him in the eyes, “And for ditching you on Friday. It was uncalled for. I should’ve talked to you instead of ignoring you.” 

“I’m so sorry,” you repeat, “I still want to work with you. Please forgive me.” There was silence yet again, and you could see that Peter was still processing your apology. You look at him, concerned and wondering if he was malfunctioning because he hadn’t said a word. He finally lets out an exhale, and you felt relieved that you hadn’t short circuited him. Finally, he says,

“Okay, I forgive you.” he says. You blink in surprise.

“What?” you say.

“I forgive you,” he repeats, amused by your reaction. Though today was just full of unexpected surprises, you felt a sense of relief from his words. However, a sense of guilt sat in your stomach, remembering that you were doing this for your own personal gain. 

As long as he doesn’t find out, you have nothing to worry about, you convince yourself, though the feeling didn’t go away. 

“Though if we’re going to continue working together, I suggest we make my lie a reality.” he says.

“What do you mean?” you ask him quizzically.

“I mean that you actually come over and study at my place.” he says. You widen your eyes in surprise. Was he being serious?! It was impressive that he wanted to be so committed to his fabricated tale, but didn’t this seem like a little much? 

“A-are you sure?” you ask, perplexed by the idea. He nods.

“I am,” he says, “My aunt wouldn’t mind. She likes the company, anyway.” You take a minute to think this through. Going to Peter’s place would mean you were going to spend much more time with him, considering the travel time from Midtown to Queens. And there would be no doubt that Flash would catch you two together and relentlessly tease you for being with his rival. However, being at his place means that you could get one step closer to finding out more about Spider-man. This was an opportunity you couldn’t refuse. You decided to take up his proposal.

“I’m in.” you finally tell him.

“Okay,” he says, rubbing his hands, “Because if Ms. Lee found out I lied to her we’re dead meat.”  

“Let’s shake on it,” you tell him, then hold your hand out towards him. You wait for him to take it, but instead he says,

“I want you to promise that you’re not going to ditch me again,” he says, “I’m doing this to help you pass.” This pinches you in the gut. The guilt you had felt before returned, making you second guess the sincerity of your actions. Why is he taking this so seriously, you wondered, does he really care about whether or not you pass? What benefit is he getting out of this. You didn’t have time to ponder this, so you shook off the thoughts and sincerely say,

“I promise.” Peter watches you, looking for any signs of feigning, but you held yourself up long enough for him to finally take your hand. You give each other a firm shake, settling on your agreement. As you pull your hands away from each other, you remember something.

“Oh, I should give this back to you.” you say to him as you grab your backpack. He watches as you rummage through it, your eyes lighting up when you finally locate it. You pull out the blue spiral-bound notebook he had given you in the morning. 

“I think you’ll need this,” you say, holding out the notebook to him.

“Oh, thanks, I need this,” he says, taking it from your hands, “U-um, so do you want to meet up Wednesday after school?” 

“Sure.” you say, giving him an awkward smile, to which he returns. Good, now your plan can kick off. All you had to do now was get through studying with Peter. Maybe MJ is right, it might not be all that bad. As the bell rang the two of you headed to your next class together, though the both of you were unaware that a folded slip of paper from Peter’s notebook was not sitting at the bottom of your backpack.

-

On Wednesday, you were waiting at the school’s front gate, as you promised. The chilled weather made you bury yourself into your coat, and you just hoped Peter would get out soon. He told you via text that he had to grab something from the chemistry room, and though you offered to wait for him by the classroom he insisted you waited for him outside. Watching students pass by, you began to wonder about Peter’s aunt. You had never seen her before, but MJ told you that she was very pretty and was very protective of her nephew. You then realized that Peter has definitely talked to her about you, and now you were beginning to grow anxious. You wouldn’t blame her for wanting to take you down for being a shithead to her nephew, but you obviously didn’t want to deal with her wrath. You could only hope that she wouldn’t be at home so you could be spared.

A tap on your shoulder breaks you from your thoughts and you look to see who touched you, only to be facing Peter.

“Ready to head out?” he asks you, motioning his head towards the closest subway station entrance. You nod, so the two of you begin to make your way towards Queens.

The two of you didn’t talk as you headed down to the subway station, and upon entering the car you grimaced over how it was practically full of people. The next train wouldn’t be until twenty minutes though, so the both of you squeezed your way into the crowd. The both of you were practically shoulder to shoulder, with you gripping the nearest stabilizing pole and Peter keeping himself up with the rail above him. Being so close to him made you feel so uncomfortable from the awkwardness, and you tried your best to avoid eye contact with him as you guys rode. That would only last so long, though. Halfway through the ride you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. Foolishly, you let go of the pole to retrieve it, but you didn’t realize that you were reaching another stop. The cart began to halt, the force of it all making you lose your footing. You tried to re-stabilize yourself but you felt your body fall backward, making you let out a scared yelp. Suddenly, you felt a hand grab your waist, stopping you from falling on top of the surrounding passengers. You turn and see it was Peter who had caught you. He pulls you back up and tugs you near him, making you even closer to him than before. 

“Are you okay?” he asks you, sounding genuinely concerned. Still dazed from the catch, you nod back and straighten yourself up. You realized that this is the closest you have ever been to Peter, and he seemed to recognize this revelation two and the two of you were stuck in this position for what felt like eternity. He suddenly realizes that he’s still got his arm around your waist, and he immediately retracts it, and you noticed that his cheeks were a slight tint of pink. You took a small step away from him to grab the pole again, and for the remainder of the ride the two of you avoided eye contact.

Soon the stop to Queens approached, and the two of you hopped out of the train car. You followed Peter closely as he navigated through the bustling Queens and eventually got to his apartment complex. Like all the buildings in the area, it was much smaller in size compared to the giants in Manhattan (though you didn’t mind; tall buildings weren’t your favorite thing). After he buzzed in, he let you inside of the complex, and like a duckling you followed him up two flights of stairs and into the second story hallway. Soon you were watching him as he approached a eggshell-\colored door with the numbers 205 plated in bronze above the peephole. He grabs his keys and puts them into the worn door handle, and with a twist and a click he pushes the door open and enters his apartment, where you slowly but carefully enter in suit.

While taking off your shoes you gazed around the space, which was small but it didn’t feel cramped. Peter leads you to the dining area, which was connected to both the kitchen and the living room. Upon the table were several papers and letters, to which Peter apologizes for and quickly gathers up the mess to make space for both of your study materials. Once it was clear of it’s chaos, you slink yourself into the bench situating your bag to left as he sits himself on the right side of the table.

“My aunt May told me she’ll be working late today, so don’t worry about any distractions,” he tells you, pulling his backpack beside him. This makes you internally exhale in relief. He goes into good host mode, offering you snacks and water but you declined it politely since you felt weirded out by your rival trying to be nice to you. The both of you shift uncomfortably in your seats, waiting for the other to speak up so the tension could be broken. Peter, always trying his best, decides to start,

“O-okay! Let’s get started! Um…” He looks at you as he begins to fiddle with his hands nervously, “We can work on inter-molecular forces! Or maybe we should go back to the basics and review atoms and ions? O-or look over the periodic table?”  You could tell by his body language that he was trying to be careful with your words, considering how you reacted last time. Though you were slightly amused by how hard he was trying, it did make you feel a bit bad for your reaction last week. You were starting to reconsider what Spider-man had said. You realized that you should probably respond before he throws out more suggestions, so you say, 

“Can we work on the quiz from last week? I mean, we got it back today, so maybe it’ll be good to look over it.” Peter was quite surprised by your input, and immediately you feared that you had said something wrong. Expecting to receive some sort of snarky comment, you were amazed when he smiles and agrees,

“Y-yeah! S-sounds good!”

It was quite embarrassing for you to see him look at the 19% grade that was scribbled in bright red on your quiz, while he gloated a proud 100%. Without thinking you made a stank face, until Peter pointed it out while he was looking over your quiz answers. You immediately dropped it, feeling embarrassed at getting caught, though you could help but stare at his perfect grade. For you, it was rare to see those triple digits on your assignments and tests, and when you were gifted with that lucky gem you felt invincible. Is that what Peter feels whenever he gets his scores back, or is it so common for him that he just shrugs it off? Before you could sink into your thoughts even more, Peter flips the quiz back to the front page and looks up at you.

“You didn’t finish the quiz?” he asks you, a brow raised, “Did something happen?” Immediately you felt ashamed, but you tried to hold your ground, not wanting to expose it to Peter. Instead, you say with attitude,

“Why’s that a problem? I just didn’t finish it. Happens to the best of us.” Peter gives you a look, not being fooled by your act.

“Did you run out of time?” he asks you. You didn’t respond, but instead looked away from him, which gave him confirmation.

“I noticed you got stuck on question three, and I get it, I had a though time with that one, too.” he tells you, looking back at the question.

“Don’t try to humble yourself.” you quip back.

“I’m not!” he cries, “Really!” You look at him as you’re not convinced, making Peter sigh in defeat.

“Look, why don’t we just go over this question and the ones you didn’t answer? Then I can get a better read on what’s troubling you with this subject.” You made a small groan, but reluctantly agreed to the proposal, and for the next two hours the two of you went through the quiz. Unlike last time, where he was just talking you ear off, Peter instructed you to write down notes and even re-do the questions, which actually turned out to be much more helpful to you. A few times Peter had to coax questions out of you, which was probably the hardest thing for you to do since you feared ridicule over what you asked. However, Peter didn’t find them ridiculous at all, and would even provide a simpler, straight to the point answer that was much easier to comprehend than Mr. Cobwell’s complex ones. After what felt like forever, the both of you were beginning to exhibit signs of burnout. Peter caught onto this after he watched you stare at your notebook in a daze.

“Let’s call it a day,” he suggests, stretching his arms out to relieve the tension built in them.

“Yes, please,” you mumble, blinking hard as your eyes were tiring out, “I think my brain is going to fry up if I look at another molecular equation.” While you were packing your stuff up, you looked out the window beside you and noticed that it’s already getting dark outside. You wondered if you’ll be back home in time for dinner. Not that you were anticipating it, anyway. The sound of keys being inserted into the apartment alarm the two of you. You and Peter look at the door, which opens to reveal a very beautiful middle aged woman, and you could help but gape at her aura.   

“Hiya Pete!” she happily exclaims as she takes off her jacket and hands it up on the hooks next to the door, “So sorry for being late, the manager had me sweep before I clocked out.” Realization hits you like a brick. She’s Peter's aunt?! Well, MJ wasn’t wrong about her looks, but you were not expecting her to be this attractive. It seems like she could feel your eyes on her, because she immediately takes notice of you.

“Pete, who is this?” she asks, pointing to you. You feel your body freeze, remembering that you were most likely going to meet your maker when she finds out who you are.

 “Oh, this is (Y/N),” Peter says, pointing his thumb to you, “The classmate I’m tutoring, remember? They moved from California last summer?” Out of fear you forced yourself to stand up straight and gave her a small, shy wave.    

“I-it’s nice to meet you, M-ms. Parker!” you stutter sheepishly. May took a second to remember your name, and when she recognizes her eyes light up in surprise. She looks over at you, then to Peter. May raises her brows at Peter as asks him,

“Are they…?” To which Peter nods in response. You watched anxiously  have their silent conversation, trying to decipher what on earth they were talking about. Was it about the bullying? Crud, you were going to be in deep shit! You glanced at the door, thinking that you should just book it, until May’s expression melts and is replaced with a bright, welcoming smile.

“Oh! You’re (Y/N)!” his aunt exclaimed with delight, then immediately makes a b line up to you, “You’re the one that works at Delmar’s, right?! Peter has told me so much about you!” 

“R-really?!” you expressed with confusion.

“Oh don’t worry, nothing bad,” she assures you, waving her hand dismissively, “Actually, quite the opposite!” This makes you turn to Peter, where you give him the most perplexed look you could give a person. Did Peter not tell his aunt about how you’ve treated him? If not, why would he withhold this information from her? Peter reads your expression, but instead of saying anything he looks the other way and rubs the back of his neck. Okay, you needed to ask him about this another time.  

“I was just about to invite Peter out for some Thai food!” she tells you, “Would you like to come with us?” Though you were flattered by the invitation, you felt like it wouldn’t be a good idea to tag along, so you say

“I think I should head home. I don’t want to overstay my wel-'' Before you could finish, an incredibly loud gargle emitted from your stomach. You blushed, horrified and betrayed by your own stomach, as Peter stifled a laugh. You give him a glare, making him shut up, which May finds very amusing. 

-

It seems like every other day the world kept challenging your expectations. 

Who would’ve guessed that you would be spending your Wednesday evening dining with your rival and his aunt at their favorite Thai restaurant located five minutes away from them? MJ was going to have a field day when you tell her this tomorrow. Well, at least this was better than eating at home, you thought to yourself. You and Peter were seated beside each other, while his aunt sat across from her nephew. The three of you were helping yourselves with servings of the sour and spicy tom yum soup, the sweet but flaming yellow curry, and juicy larb lettuce wraps (Peter’s favorite, or so his aunt claims). 

“I’m so glad your mother agreed to let me take you out for dinner, dear,” May says with a smile, “I can finally get to know you a little better!” 

“U-um, yeah. I’m kind of surprised she let me come.” you admit to her, then take a sip of your serving of soup.

“Why is that?” she asks you. It would be awkward to admit to her that you kind of expected your mom to make you come home to eat, which would have saved you from this very odd situation you got yourself into. On the other hand, it did save you from having to spend dinner with your parents. It was a strange blessing in disguise.

“My mom is usually strict about me going out with people she hasn’t met before.” you tell her, which was true. Your mom has always been adamant about meeting people you hang out with, though you usually tried to avoid such as she is pretty judgemental about other people. Thankfully, you have been able to save MJ from her unfair shrewdness. It also explains why you never mentioned to her about your acquaintance with Spider-man, as you knew she’d have a handful of shit to say about him. To you, the more you had your parents out of your personal life, the more at peace you were. 

“I can understand why,” May says after she swallows her bite of yellow curry, “Especially since you guys are still new to the area. New York is full of wacky characters, after all. Wouldn’t want you to get mixed up with the wrong kinds of people.” You take a glance at Peter, who hasn’t said much during the conversation, instead carefully watching the two of you as he munches down some larb. 

“So Peter told me you work at Delmar’s,” she says, “Why is someone as young as you working for him? Especially during junior year?” 

“Oh, I wanted to earn some extra cash,” you explain to her, “I want to be more financially independent, you know? So I was looking at other service and retail jobs, however the ones that had openings were full time or had a strict part time arrangement, which wouldn’t work out for school. But Delmar was nice enough to be compliant with my school schedule, so he took me in.” 

“Wow, lucky you!” she exclaims with a smile, “Then you must like working there, huh?” 

“I mean, it’s a bit boring at times, but it has its perks.” you tell, thinking about a certain someone. This makes your heart heavy again, making you look down at your food. 

“Has Delmar told you about what happened to that place last year?” she asks you.

“Oh, you mean the explosion caused by those bank robbers?” you say, perking your head up, “Yeah, he mentions it every once in a while. He always talks about how Spider-man saved him and Murph from the wreckage.” 

“Really?” May asks, an amused smile creeping upon her face as she looks over at Peter, who you noticed had froze up mid-bite.

“Yeah,” you say, raising your brow at your classmate’s odd behavior. You turn back to her and tell her, “Actually, Spider-man was one of the reasons I got hired by Delmar.”

“Is that so?” she asks with a delighted tone, her eyes watching her nephew as his eyes shift from her to you. This was just like their weird silent conversation at the apartment! Were they always like this? Maybe this is where Peter gets his uncanny behavior from. You had to pretend to not be bothered by it, so you continue,

“Yeah...he actually introduced me to Delmar a few weeks into my move. I was trying to get to know the Queens area a little more so I took the bus to this area. However about two hours into exploring I got completely lost, and on top of that I had left my house in a rush so I didn’t check how much battery life my phone had, so it had died. I tried to ask around for help but no one bothered, and I pretty much thought I was screwed.” You paused for a moment, feeling like you were saying too much, only to notice d that Peter and May were listening to you intently. Realizing you could continue, you say,

“But by sheer luck, Spider-man was in the area, and he found me by chance. I told him my situation and he offered to take me to a bodega that was selling portable chargers, and since he was the only other person I knew at the time I went with him. And that bodega was Delmar’s! He introduced me to him, and told him about my situation. Since Delmar was such a fan of Spider-man, he actually allowed me to charge my phone in the outlet behind the counter, but I didn’t have a charging cable so Spider-man offered to pay for one. 

“While I was waiting for my phone to charge Delmar was telling Spider-man that he was looking for a part-time employee, as his son who used to help him out was off to college in New Jersey. I mentioned that I was looking for work, but Delmar was hesitant about taking me in. For some reason Spider-man vouched for me, and because Delmar is a Spider-man fanboy he agreed to consider me. Next week I got a call from Delmar asking if I’d like to take on the job and I said yes.”

As you wrap up your tale, May was still watching you, seemingly fascinated by it. Peter, on the other hand, had resumed eating, but his expression had changed into a serious one.    

“Now that I think about it, I never paid him back for the charger,” you say without thinking. 

“Well, Pete here knows Spider-man,” May informs you, making Peter choke on the larb he was currently chewing on. 

“Y-yes, I am aware of this,” you say with a forced smile, “Everyone in our school knows about that.”

“Well, maybe Peter can help you out with paying him back, if you want,” she suggests. This makes your eyes perk up in hope. Maybe your initial mission will be finished sooner than you thought! You were just about to express your willingness for this, but Peter jumps into the conversation,

“I-I think Spider-man doesn’t care if you paid him back or not,” he says, still recovering from his sudden choking, “He was just happy to help you out. A-also he’s been really busy lately, so it’s been hard for me to get into contact with him.” Damn it! You hiss internally. You try your best to hide your disappointment, but May seemed to have caught onto it.

“Well, maybe next time you run into him!” May reassures you, but you highly doubt this. For a moment you thought you were going to be ten steps ahead, and now you felt like you were all the way back to the start. For the remainder of dinner, May carried on with talking, while both you and Peter continued to silently eat your food.  

-

 After the three of you finished up dinner, May offered that she drive you home, but you politely declined and said that you’d just walk to your bus stop. So then she offered that her and Peter escort you to your stop and see you off safely. Once all of you reached it, you turned to her and Peter, pulling your backpack strap higher to your shoulder and said,

“Thank you for taking me out for dinner. And for walking me here. I really appreciate it.”

“Oh, no problem, dear!” May exclaims as she takes your hand and clasps it between hers, “I’m just so happy I finally got to meet you!” You give her a shy smile, still taken aback by her kindness but appreciative of it. You turn to Peter, who met your eyes as he was fiddling with his hands uncomfortably.

“Um…thanks for today,” you say to him, “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“U-uh, yeah,” he nods, “Get home safely.” You nod in response, and luckily just in time your bus pulls into the stop, freeing you from this delicate air.

“Please text Peter when you are home, okay dear?” May asks you as you make your way to the bus. 

“I will, ma’am!” you assure her, and then hop onto the vehicle, making yourself comfortable as you head for home. As May and Peter watch your bus drive off, she comments,

“(Y/N) is just how you described them to me. Definitely a shy clam, but they seem like a good kid.”

“Yeah.” Peter responds, his eyes still watching the bus disappear into traffic.

“Are you ever going to tell them?” she asks, looking down at her nephew

“I don’t know,”    he admits, frowning, “Honestly, I’m afraid of what will happen when they find out.”

----

Grace is based off of Chinese pop idol FeiFei Zhong

Frankie is based off of American actor Ian Alexander

[thekidultlife]

To Aru x SVT: Jihoon | Short Story #1

Author’s Notes: Hi this is Hyeri!! I’m trying something new with this series where there would be minimal romance and more on action, friendship and general world building! I wanna try practicing writing action packed scenes because I don’t think I’ve really ever focused on it before. Anyway, this story is of three parts, and based on the anime/light novel A Certain Magical Index and its spin-offs! I hope you like this one? I tried ;;w;;

Pairing: Jihoon x fem!reader (if u squint)

Genre: Sci-fi, Action, Romance (if u squint)

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: N/A

JIHOON’S PROFILE

A_Certain_Ordinary_Day

 Seventh Mist Mall , School District 7, Academy City

11:32 AM

 “This is Judgement! Surrender now before—“

—!!

On a rather monotonous and boring day in Academy City, a large explosion shook an entire mall. 

“This is Y/N from the 166th Branch Division.Yanagi can you hear me?!”

Billows of smoke filled the entire seventh floor of the building, as shards of glass were scattered everywhere. Seventh Mist which was supposedly a popular meeting place for students with schools inside the district was in disarray, yet it was difficult to ascertain the status of those inside the mall as dust and debris covered everything like a thick blanket. 

“Goddamn it, they’re not responding. We need ground crew in there immediately!” 

Your heart was racing, but this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. As the chief officer of the 166th Branch Office of Judgement, which is a city-wide, student-run disciplinary committee, you were in charge of directing and planning what actions to take during emergencies like this, which isn’t really a rare circumstance, considering the fact that Academy City offers powerful abilities to hormonal teenagers. 

“I’ll send in a message, Chief,” a colleague of yours, a middle school student with telepathic abilities, offered through your earpiece.

“Alright. Tell them we need to evacuate those inside the mall,” you replied back, closing your laptop as you ran outside your apartment with plans to go near the area as much as possible. 

“To all Judgement members around the vicinity of Seventh Mist, please confirm your safety to your branch office immediately. If you are fit to perform emergency measures, please do so with caution. I repeat, to all Judgement members—“

You could also hear the message inside your head as you took off on your bicycle, tires screeching as you arrived at the 167th Branch Office, just a few meters away from the mall. You could smell the scent of burning and pulverized concrete as you waded through the streets, the surge of adrenaline keeping you alert.

“Chief of the 166th Branch Office, Y/N reporting!” you shouted as you entered their office. 

You could feel the tension in the air as three people busied themselves to and fro inside the room. Papers were scattered and phone calls were being made while some were in their laptops providing tactical support to the ground team.

“Oh god, thanks for running all the way here Y/N!” Their chief, a high school student stood up from his seat in a panic. 

“No problem,” you replied coolly, keeping your excitement at bay. “So, what’s the situation? Have you called Anti-Skill already?”

“We have. They’re helping as of the moment,” he replied as he sat back down on the chair in front of the computer. “So far the evacuation process is under control. A lot of injured but no one dead, fortunately.”

As you peered behind him, you could see numerous windows on the numerous screens before you. Some showed footage of surviving cameras, some contained information of all known people who entered the mall using facial recognition software and electronic data of those who had transactions in the mall at the time the explosion happened. 

“So, the explosion happened at half past eleven this morning,” he began explaining as he moved the cursor around the screen, looking for something. “We suspect that these three students are responsible for the explosion—Erizawa Rena, Nakamura Aoi and Ito Shizuka—all students from Kirigaoka.” 

As he brought a video footage on the forefront of the screen, you narrowed your eyes and watched closely. 

“There was a big fashion event being held on the seventh floor and they thought it’ll be a nice place to set off an explosion,” the chief narrated as it happened on the footage. “They themselves created it. One of them wrapped the whole floor with copious amounts of propane and the other girl seemed to have pyrokinetic abilities and ignited the place. A Judgement member spotted them but they were too late.”

You raised your brows at how fast Judgement processed the data. “What about the third girl though?”

“We have suspicions that she might be in charge of defending their group from the explosion,” he replied with a shrug. “Not that surprising considering they came from Kirigaoka.”

Kirigaoka Girls’ Academy. It was a prestigious school at the ranks of Nagatenjouki Academy and Tokiwadai Middle School, yet it was different than all of them because they only take students with rare and unusual abilities. What could’ve caused these three girls to bomb an entire mall?

“Chief! We found them!” 

Your thoughts were interrupted as someone in charge of tracking the culprits yelled from behind you. Immediately rushing to her side, you took a peak on the laptop screen and saw live footage from a street cam just a few blocks away from the mall. 

“Good work, Rika!” the chief of the 167th Branch smiled and then gave you a pat on the shoulder. “It’s your time to shine now, Y/N. Judgement is ready to mobilize.”

With a bright grin that was almost bordering maniacal, you sprinted to the four-monitored computer and then opened your own laptop. Cracking your fingers as the software booted up, you read all the details you needed to know about the location, the targets and the Judgement members at your disposal. 

“Alright, here we go,” you muttered on an earpiece which was connected with a cable to your laptop. 

“On your mark, Y/N!” 

A voice crackled on the ear piece, the rush of adrenaline rising in your veins once again. Time to catch some bad girls.

“Teams A and B flank to the left; at 13th to 16th street. Team C and D, got to the other side. We’re going to surround them,” you ordered as your laptop began whirring. “I hope everyone has fireproof gear.”

You watched as points on the map on one of the monitors began to move into a pincher attack, all proceeding smoothly and swiftly. You then closed your eyes. 

12.56% chance of attacking Judgement head on. 32.06% chance of escaping underground. 65.77% chance of creating another explosion to scatter our forces and escape.

Your ability on simple terms was called Precognition. It allows you to see fifteen minutes into the future, but it was far from the likes of spiritual practices like divination and horoscope. You would calculate probabilities of how the future would unfold and categorize them into percentages, much like the chances of drawing a yellow marble in a mix of seven different colors. After calculating those probabilities, you choose one which has the highest chance of happening and then exercise appropriate action. It was much more complicated than that of course, which is why you would often borrow the computing power of your laptop so your brain wouldn’t overload. 

“Electromasters, I want you to disperse the gas molecules as much as you can,” you said through the earpiece. “They’re gonna burn up the place so anyone who can control air particles and so on would be a great help.”

—!!

A powerful shock sent static to your earpiece. You inhaled sharply. 

They’re already starting? This is definitely a diversion. I was right.

“You guys okay?” you asked, worry in your voice as your brain processed their next steps. 

“We’re fine, Y/N. Good thing you warned us about the explosion,” the team head answered. “But at this rate, we couldn’t get close to them at all.”

You clicked your tongue. They were right. 

The fires keep anyone out of close contact with them. You’d guessed they wouldn’t have any combative ability, just a lot of cleverness.

“Alright. For now, continue chasing after them and stop them from creating more explosions,” you instructed them and then turned to the chief of the 167th branch. “I need you to get someone.”

*

It was almost lunchtime. 

Lee Jihoon stepped out of Nagatenjouki Academy with an aloof disposition. Today was another boring day in class and he just wished he could stay in his apartment and write songs all day. Maybe he should get a proxy too, like that other Level 5.

With his headset on, he blocked the incoming noise from the outside world with loud music. He hated it when he could hear things he shouldn’t be hearing; like his apartment neighbors at night. But then again, it was useful. He just needed to control it.

His life since being sent by his aspiring parents to Academy City aftet he just graduated from kindergarten was rather eventful. Maybe it came with the title of Level 5, maybe it was something about his overall luck, but there were just a lot of things going around in this city which many people wouldn’t really notice; things just hiding in plain sight. 

~!!

Jihoon’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing—rather, it was the tingly feeling of sound waves moving against his skin as it vibrated into frequencies he can detect despite the noise cancelling headset. Removing the headset on his ears, Jihoon answered with an irate tone. 

“What is it?”

“It’s Judgement. Y/N is calling for you.”

*

“He says he’s coming.”

You could hear the chief of the 167th Branch call out to you as you continued to maneuver Judgement’s forces to stall the three girls. It has been a few minutes. 

“Make sure he’s coming in quick because most of my calculations are reading huge possibilities of escape, and they’re already tired with all this running around,” you replied back before checking the camera feed of where Lee Jihoon was. 

It should be noted that you didn’t meet him in any kind of Judgement operation or some kind of battlefield. Lee Jihoon was a classmate of yours in Nagatenjouki, and you were the kind and responsible Class President who would go out of your way to deliver class notes to him if he often inclines himself to skip class during afternoon periods, which was a lot of accumulated debt for Lee Jihoon. 

“Alright guys. Just a few more minutes. I sent for some help and—“

“Hi, Class Pres. Heard you need me?”

The person you were talking to didn’t even have the chance to reply or for you to even finish your instructions at all before a familiar voice spoke through the earpiece; probably snatched from the previous owner.

“Hi, Jihoon. That was fast,” you replied back. 

“If you have a bicycle, an esper ability and loads of boredom, nothing is impossible,” Jihoon replied with a truly jaded tone. “So, what do I do?”

*

Jihoon stepped in the middle of a wide road. 

People were already evacuated as per your instructions, and any kind of traffic was diverted away from the area. It was too dangerous.

The plan was already in execution but his role will be coming in much later. So with an eager look, Jihoon just stood there with hands in his pockets, waiting. He could hear the rumbling noise in front of him even though he couldn’t see it. It was probably a few kilometers away. 

“Judgement will be chasing the targets to your position and until they come, stay put and don’t do anything funny.”

He remembers you reminding him sternly of his job and he might’ve replied unenthusiastically to you, but truly, he was brimming with excitement. As the rumbling of explosions and the whistling of wind coming from the firestorms grew louder, the wider his smile becomes. 

“Once the targets come within fifteen meters of Lee Jihoon, get away as quickly and as much as possible.”

Jihoon hears you warn the Judgement units through their earpieces. Even at more than twenty meters, he could still hear you. That was probably a sign of his abilities growing, or maybe your voice was just distinctive that he could easily pick it up. Whatever. That was a question for another time. 

He could now see the three targets you were talking about—just three girls in their school uniform looking weary and exhausted. Just because you have powers doesn’t mean you could run around forever. It’s just a matter of using them effectively. 

Jihoon grinned and prepared himself. 

“Let’s turn this shit up.”

—!!!

A low and heavy vibration immediately fell around the area like waves of force that washed around every object in the vicinity. It was so strong that it seemed like the whole area was shaking continuously.

The targets were instantly on their knees, clutching their chests. 

“What…what is this….?” 

Low frequency noise—one could say that bass sounds, if loud enough can easily emit this kind of noise and cause nausea, heart palpitations and weakness to anyone susceptible to it. Yet with Jihoon’s sound wave manipulation, he can easily increase the intensity of this noise enough to incapacitate anyone within fifteen meters of him. 

“That wasn’t too hard, was it?” 

Jihoon spoke as he walked towards the targets and looked down on them with a smile, as they gazed at him in horror. 

“Who—“

He smirked. 

“Time to go to jail, girls.”

*

“I didn’t know you were friends with Shockwave!” 

The chief of the 167th Branch exclaimed after confirming that Anti-Skill members had brought the three girls into custody. Though you were still curious why they did it.

“He’s a classmate. Nagatenjouki isn’t really short of Level 5s, you know,” you replied as you removed your earpiece with a sigh; your braincells tired of all that fuss. 

“That means you’ve seen the Number One Level 5 esper? I heard he goes to school there.”

“Nope. He has a proxy, which is totally unfair,” you replied with another sigh. “I wish I had a proxy to do my equations for me.”

“Same here, but like hell, seeing Level 5s in combat is just so cool! It's like you're watching a movie. He easily brought them to their knees in one move.”

“That’s true. They’re like superheroes—“

“Y/N, you there?”

Jihoon’s voice echoed from the doorway of the office and you instantly stood up and greeted him.

“Oh, I’m here! Good job out there, Jihoon!” you replied with a big smile. 

He only shrugged at your comment. “I do need some exercise from time to time. Sitting in a classroom isn’t really going to make my abilities improve.”

You laughed. “You’re right. Oh, by the way, how would you like to be compensated? I know last time you declined but this one was pretty tricky.”

“No, it’s fine,” Jihoon held up his hands. “You don’t have to and you do bring me notes from time to time, so there’s that and—“

His stomach growled. 

You glanced at him with a grin. “Well, at least your stomach is being honest.”

-Hyeri

TO ARU x SVT series

[nosferatyou]

If I Can Be So Bold: Chapter 4 (Jack White x OC)

Summary: A time line of Lee’s life after a certain event. Chock full of hardships, odd music choices, and the FBI watchlist. Overall an incredibly important chapter.

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, cursing, frank iero

NOTES: Fuck. Its been a while hasnt it? schools a bitch. anyways i thought this was the best way to move the story along. Besides the early days werent really important. well it was, but it was th lead up. Still I think this is pretty damn good. Took me for fuckin ever. I hope you enjoy! 

I think I could’ve saved myself from more heartbreak if I just stopped fucking the man that was slowly breaking me, sparing me from the years of emptiness I just floated through. We could’ve only been friends and ended it at that, but I fell in love with him.

 It took me a year to realize id made the biggest mistake of my life. He was my mistake. I saw all this like I did relish every moment we had together, like every time he kissed me, I felt my chest grow warm. I never had a bad moment with him. When we fucked it was just me and him, which is so incredibly cheesy, but when you’re that intoxicated by the touch of another, its all you can think about. Nothing else existed. Bad breakups, a growing rift in old friends, the unpaid bills sitting on your counter. The truth. It genuinely was witchcraft on his end. I think the songs he wrote when we were together were actually just love spells. 

This went on for a year. I waited for him and meg when they went to the meeting that landed them their first studio album. Hell, I even taught him slide and played on their track “Suzy Lee.” Looking back at that moment always makes me laugh, the irony of it all, how I shielded myself from any truths. I think I realized I loved him when I opened my apartment door to see him with freshly cut hair. The sides shaved, the red just as wild as always but dyed a firetruck red. To this day, its the worst haircut I’ve ever seen someone get, and that day I died with laughter. He was always so confident in his looks, but that day he was in a panic. I had to console him and try to convince him it wasn’t that bad. 

“Rosie, it looks like someone glued fake fur to the top of my head.” 

The both of us sat cross-legged across from each other on the bed, trying to assess the damage. He couldn’t stop fidgeting. Fixing any loose hairs, which was the entirety of his hair. I scooted forward and played with it, trying to find any feasible angles.

“Jacky, it’s not that bad, it looks quite handsome from this angle.” I pretended to style it. There was no fixing it, but I could boost his ego to last until it grew back. 

He grabbed the hand mirror sitting next to him and tried every angle. Worry had found its way into 

every part of his face. 

“Mmm well, I guess it’s not as bad as I thought,” He couldn’t stop touching it. “Thanks, Rosie.” He smiled at me the same way he always did, lips pulled tight, making his face scrunch up with those warm eyes. 

I still looked at him and saw the most handsome man, even with that ridiculous haircut.

It never took much to convince him of something or to do something for that matter. If you put any liquid in his hand he’d drink it, I think I watched him drink hand sanitizer on a dare made by Ben. I never convinced him to go on a date with me, though. We always spent our time alone together, holed up in my room. Though back then, I always considered our late-night solo show adventures a good filler. He never noticed how happy they made me. That should’ve been a red flag, but they always just look like flags in rose-colored glasses. I seemed to be an expert at collecting red flags. I convinced myself for years that my time with my ex back in Nashville was normal.

Harriet pulled my head out of ass, though, and brought me here. To more red flags. It’s funny how completely opposite the two of them are. Jack and John (John and John if you want to get technical). John, at first, took me everywhere. He knew everyone and could get in anywhere. He showed me off and always made it clear who he was with. Once he had me fully wrapped around his finger, and we were living together, it switched. I wasn’t allowed to go out, not without his permission. I couldn’t talk to anyone except my bandmates, that was limited too. He held my playing shows above my head. If I was “good,” I could play under his supervision. I mean, he managed our band, he always knew our every move. It’s easy to misconstrue love, confuse what possession is. I was his pet, his thing to show off and shove in a closet until he needed me again. It took years to notice that it wasn’t okay.

 The beginning is always just so intoxicating.  

Jack just had this air to him, that same confidence as john. He knew he was talented and certainly knew he was good looking. The difference is Jack is humble. He could barely take a complaint from me, and as he grew, he didn’t know how to handle the attention. He didn’t lavish in it as John had, as short-lived as his attention was. Jack and I hid away, our confessions of our true feelings hiding on lyric sheets feet away from the other. That made my want stronger, I never felt I could have him, but we were so close it almost felt like I could have him. Its that moment, though, when you stare at each other with such love and warmth, faces growing so close you could feel their body heat. Your so close you can almost taste it, and that’s the moment he leaves. We didn’t cuddle. We weren’t affectionate. It was his choice. He left after tender moments, he left before breakfast, and he left before we finished the last verse of our song. We never were anything, and we never got anywhere. Me being me, it never was a thought in my mind. My judgment was clouded every time he looked at me with those eyes that pulled me in the first time. 

While we grew closer, nothing ever changed, he came over, we fucked, and then wrote together. Sharing the same Camel pack every time. I never thought he shared my feelings for him. He never showed it. He was as open as he was closed. He only let you see what he wanted. That was until me, and the girls were all hanging around during a White Stripes practice. Which was quite common. We all watched each other play, testers for anything new that we cooked up. Meg was weirdly good at knowing what riffs people would like. She always was smarter than any of us would ever be. 

That day Jack introduced a new song. It wasn’t entirely new to me. I taught him the parts, I always played the solos. He never quite got it back then. I was overjoyed to finally hear it. None of the girls were too focused on them. They always got stupid high. Jack and Meg’s landlord didn’t quite care if they smoked, not that ever did, though. It was a slower song, and a lot of work was put into it. Knowing him, the lyrics always had just as much care. 

He refused to meet my eyes. He didn’t look at me once. His eyes quickly flipping between the wall behind me and his guitar. It was very, obviously intentional. He was a storyteller, he always did it so carefully in songs, hiding the message. This seemed incredibly open. Too obvious. He was hesitant. It wasn’t until the “Chorus” (it could barely be called a chorus) that he started to get a bit more confident. It was apparent he had a lot to say.

Miss Suzy lee

The one I'm speaking of

The question is

Is she the one I love?

Is she the one I love?

That made my ears perk up, my eyes locked onto the floor. Why was I afraid to look at him?

Maybe I was thinking about it too much. My hope tends to get the best of me. Still, this pit in my stomach was growing with each note he played. 

She sent me flowers

The name of an incredibly sappy song I showed him

With her tears burned inside

Again it was embarrassingly open

And you know what I'd do?

I would run and hide.

I would run and hide.

 Fuck. I think my imagination and reality were clashing. I might actually have finally snapped and lost it. 

And the paper

On it was my name

Okay, I definitely did hide the unofficial nickname I made for him. I didn't use it often. I called him “Tree” when I was annoyed with him.

With the question

Do you feel the same?

Do you feel the same?

I knew. I knew he didn’t notice my intentions that day, though he should’ve won an oscar for his acting. He pretended like he didn’t notice. 

I think I’m going to legitimately throw up on their ratty couch. I’m going to throw up, and it’s his fault. Jesus, I’m overreacting to a song that’s probably not about me. Fuck I need this to be over so I can breathe. Maybe look up from this thrifted carpet. 

Again his words make my head snap up. This time I met his eyes. 

To end this tale

The one I'm speaking of

I wish I had an answer, but I just don't know

Is this really love?

I left the room as fast as possible after he said love. I didn’t think I could stomach it. Fuck. Shit. Jesus Christ, retribution may be in my future. 

Everything changed after that. I couldn’t look at him, I avoided him, the hope would kill me. It was killing me. I’ve always gotten too excited over people, too attached, and whenever this moment came, I spiraled. I had longed for his love for so long, and the idea of getting it overwhelmed me, being around him overwhelmed me. I avoided him, said I was busy every time he asked to hang out. I didn’t even bother to hide that I was making excuses. It took him a week to stop taking my bullshit. Jack was incredibly blunt. He wasn’t one to beat around the bush. One night he knocked on our door, and someone other than me answered, and they sent him my way. I didn’t tell the girls my feelings. I was too afraid to say it out loud. I didn’t want to be in love again. I loathed it. I wanted to be the person who could be fuck buddies and be fine with it, but I fall too hard. Every fucking time. It’s inescapable. 

My dad always said I loved harder than others and should hold onto it, but it only hurt me. 

That night fucked everything up. He didn’t look at me. If he did, it wasn’t for long. For the first time, he looked cowardly. He stormed into my room. I could hear his very distinguishable and heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. My heart pounded into my throat with every footstep. He didn’t knock. He always knocked. His hair had grown out, it lost its curl, but it hung in his face just as it always did. He didn’t look smug. He didn’t have his bubble of confidence. He was meek. He was small. I remember his hands flying to his pockets. He did that when he was nervous. 

As I said before, he doesn’t beat around the bush. I wish he did that day. Spared my heartbreak for a few minutes. 

“Lee, I can’t love you.”

Those fucking words. They rang through my mind for years. Every time I saw him in the news, saw his face in magazines in passing at grocery stores. It felt like id been ripped in half, I was speechless, I physically could not form words. That feeling happened every once in a while when I reminded. Overtime I numbed to it. 

`He was married. Can you believe that? I was the mistress and with my best friend’s husband. The moment he pulled his hand out to scratch his face, I saw it. The wedding band that was never there before. I think he wore to mess with me, one last laugh. He knew this would be the end of us ever seeing each other, working together. 

He said he kept it off during shows for the brother-sister act, and just took it off before seeing me. Jack was never a coward, but it took him a year to tell him he was married. I hung out with them daily, I watched their dog when they toured, and I never noticed once. He was fucking married. The real kicker is that the girls knew too and didn’t tell me earlier. They let me live on with my sins. I felt so dirty. He just kept talking that day. He didn’t stop. Nervously rambled on, and he never did that. He was quiet. He opened his mouth to say something that’ll either make you cry laughing or make your heart swell. He was whip-smart and knew when to speak. I just let him go until he ran out of steam, tears quietly slipping down my cheeks. Still, stone-faced. The moment he stopped, I just silently showed him out and softly shut the door behind him. 

That night, I about committed arson, okay I didn’t, but I sure wanted to. At first, I cried. And cried,… and cried. It was a mess. Soon that turned to me having a small existential crisis and dumping everything on the cashier at the liquor store who definitely knew the others, and was incredibly uncomfortable. We went there a lot. As soon as the alcohol had been bought, it was gone. I spent the night binge drinking and wrecking everything in my room. I ripped up my journals for songs, I set a small fire to my sketches of him, and I very furiously tried to wash the smell of him out of my sheets. I also punched a hole in my wall, which I kept a secret until the girls moved out. The next day I switched to Marlboros, the smell of camels gives me that same gut punch. It was his brand. 

I said some not great things to the girls. I blamed them for my downfall for not telling me. I made them my excuse. I shortly left the band. We had tried to do a show, but I was so drunk I couldn’t remember most of the songs. I was also told I was lost my pants at some point.

 I moved out of the house and lost all ties to them. I cut all ties to jack. I couldn’t go home, though. I burned too many bridges with my family and friends, a bad habit I seemed to have. I still played shows.

The good thing to come out of my rage and fall into substance abuse was my music. I went through some phases. I was playing my standard stuff for a while, just with a bit more... Anger? Then some months later, in ‘99, the stripe’s first album came out. Of course, I fucking bought it. I kept all their records. I couldn’t let go for some reason. I listened to it on repeat. I was so outraged that it was good. I heard myself in their songs, saw my name in the liner notes, I heard myself in his lyrics. I was obsessed; it was great. For two years, I fought and scratched to get some kind of record deal. I got a two-album deal. I toured nonstop, played with some damn good musicians, though I never was happy.   

I lived a life of driving and playing. Most of the time, I had no fucking clue what state I was in. In New Jersey around 2003, I’d made some friends and played with them for a bit, fucking around in their basement. I lived there for a bit. I couldn’t stomach Detroit. I stayed consistently drunk from that night in ‘98 until 2004 when I received a friend’s call, showing me where I was headed.

 We talked through it, and both decided to get sober. We both were sick. They sparked something musical in me, though. I started to get heavier, I played punk, I put my aggression entirely into my music. I produced my own stuff then, scraping what I could together. I made that record and went back to Detroit. As painful as it was, I couldn’t go back to Nashville, so I was stuck here. I mostly just fucked around, still living pretty much like a hermit, making music in my basement. When the Elephant came out, I couldn’t avoid hearing The White Stripes. They were an international success. I still collected all their records and listened to them extensively. As time went on, my existence in his lyrics disappeared. As for him, it did for me, I’d given up. It was dumb to be upset over it all these years later, still, thinking of him hurt so much. I was restless. I was bored. I wanted to be back out on the road again. 

 While I was usually blackout drunk every day, I still loved it. Playing something new somewhere new every day. That’s when my friend frank from my New Jersey days called me up in ‘07 to join his new band. I think he was just as fed up and restless as I was. We played “hardcore punk.” though that's debatable. We were sick of shit and needed to yell about it. It was my last hurrah with my inner turmoil. We finished the album and got onto the FBI watchlist for a political song. 

I looked down at my phone to see I was getting a call from “Party Dad.” I knew what this is about. 

“Did- did they show up at your door too?” 

“Frank, you know they did.”

“Dude was fucking on the FBI’s list!” He was just as excited as I was.

“Hell fucking yeah, we are! You know we were still playing the song.”

“Oh, you know it. We will find a way around what they said. Plus fuck the government, that’s the whole point.”

“Two 30 something-year-olds on the FBI watchlist for a fucking song. This day could not get better.”

See here for the song

And toured. We toured for a while. Our last tour date was actually on my birthday in ‘08. In Nashville, no less. I didn’t tell my family, and surely didn’t expect them to be there. I never saw them, but I did see a familiar face. A significantly grown-up Ben Blackwell front and center. It caught me by surprise, that’s for sure, I slipped up a note or two upon seeing him. Though when we met up after, I was surprised how cool I stayed. I hadn’t seen anyone from my past in the years since. Ben has always been the sweet kid. I could never be mad. After that, we always stayed in touch, and whenever one of us was in Detroit or Nashville, we always met up. We recorded a couple tracks too. He’s always been a hell of a drummer. 

The band didn’t live long because of the others projects, but I always worked with Frankie when he asked. I even played drums for most of his last album. I got a call while trying to make a drumline for one of the tracks. It was my mom. I hadn’t spoken to her in 14 years. The last time we talked, we’d gotten into the screaming match to end all screaming matches over my focus and direction in life. She didn’t want me to move, she didn’t want me to pursue music, and she didn’t want me to leave John. She always worried I’d die an old maid. I hadn’t dated since Jack, so I can see her concern now. 

She dropped the bomb that my dad was sick. Of course, he was sick of all people. He was the most important man in my life. I hated being away from him. I could never bear to see him, and it turns out I’ve been wasting my time with him. All the tour stops, and I hadn’t seen him once. Guilt filled me. I felt the weight of it all. I felt the same tearing feeling, the same gut punch. I told frank everything, and him being him, he sent me off as quickly as possible to be with my family. 

My mom didn’t mention the fight. She just hugged me and sent me to my dad’s room. She couldn’t look at me, though.

 The moment I entered the house, I could hear Willie Nelson, a Red-headed stranger. It was always his favorite. My dad never showed his pain. He wanted to show us strength. It was heartbreaking to see him now in this state. I pushed it down. We talked for hours, and I told him everything, good and bad. He was always understanding. He knew my mind and reasoning better than I do. 

When Ben invited me to a Third Man event, I hesitated. We see each other frequently now that I’m back in town for who knows how long. He always invites me shows and record release parties. I always declined, even though my feelings have changed, I still can’t see jack. 

This time though, he said jack wouldn’t be there, something about his kids. Which took me by surprise, yet didn’t surprise me at all. So I agreed. To  my dislike. I love ben, but the thought of being in Jack’s business nauseates me.

 I watched the show from behind in the control room. Even though id heard it a million times, Ben did not hesitate to talk me through the live recording process. I was half paying attention, aimlessly looking at the crowd.

 Then I heard that laugh, the same from all those years ago. 

My heart leapt, panic-filled. I about pushed Ben over trying to get his attention. The footsteps. The heavy thuds came down the polished hallway. I nearly tore ben apart, trying to ask him if there was a bathroom.

 I was waiting for my breath. There were two entrances. Both blocked. I could either join the band on stage or run straight into the man I’m trying so hard to avoid. Ben looked so frazzled, trying to calm me down. I felt a shiver run through me, and I suddenly stopped. I was frozen, looking at the hallway. 

The bustle stopped, the footsteps stopped, all the people around him stopped in confusion. I locked eyes with him the moment he entered the room. No one dared move. Ben looked terrified next to, and the men around jack were whispering to themselves, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Then he spoke, almost like he didn’t believe I was in front of him.

“Rosie?”

[dailyaudiobible]

12/24/2020 DAB Transcript

Zechariah 6:1-7:14, Revelation 15:1-8, Psalms 143:1-12, Proverbs 30:24-28

Today is the 24th day of December, Christmas Eve. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is a joy to be here with you today. Christmas Eve, Christmas day, your birthday, New Year's Day, Easter, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July…I'm naming all the holidays that are…that are in the country that I live in, but there's holidays all over the world and no matter what day it is we still have a rhythm. It’s Christmas Eve and we have a rhythm. We’re coming together on Christmas Eve. Even though we’re all over the world we get to be together for these moments on Christmas Eve. And, so, as we take our places around the Global Campfire let’s just look around. I mean, I know we have to do this kind of in spirit in our imaginations but just look across the fire and see your brothers and sisters. We are here. It's Christmas eve we are a year together and it’s a joy to be here together with you as we take the next step forward. And, so, that next step will lead us back into the book of Zechariah. And a couple days ago when we began Zechariah, we talked about how it had eight night visions in it and how the symbolism in the book of Zechariah is not dissimilar to the symbolism in the book of Revelation. So, we have read through over the last couple of days seven of those night visions, and we will conclude today with the eighth vision. We won’t be concluding Zechariah, but the final night vision is in today's reading. So, we’re reading from the New English Translation. Zechariah, chapters 6 and 7.

Commentary:

Okay. On this Christmas Eve we read in the book of Revelation of a sea of glass mixed with fire, and those who had conquered the beast, the beast figure in the Apocalypse of John or the book of Revelation, they’re standing by this sea of glass mixed with fire and they have harps, and they sing a song. And…and let's make this song…even though this isn’t like “joy to the world the Lord has come, let Earth receive her King” this isn’t “silent night holy night”, this is a song coming from the future coming after victory has been accomplished sung back to us today on Christmas Eve.

Prayer:

Father, this is Christmas Eve and this is the last day of waiting and…and midnight comes and, yeah, this is all traditional and this is our rituals, but it comes and then we realize new dawn is coming, everything has changed, You have arrived, we are saved. And, so, we pray along with our brothers and sisters in the future. “Great and astounding are Your deeds Lord, God the all powerful. Just and true are Your ways. King over the nations. Who will not fear You, oh Lord and glorify Your name because You alone are holy. All nations will come and worship before You for Your righteous act of been revealed. Thank You, Father. We enter into the mystery of Your arrival as we enter into Christmas celebration. And of the many postures that we have considered about how to behave toward one another over these coming days, we need to consider our posture toward You throughout all of it. And right now, our posture should be that of absolute basically speechless awe. We were wandering in the dark without hope and You would not abandon us to the dark. And, so, You came as a great light into this world to rescue humanity, but to also model for humanity what it is supposed to look like, what it could and should and must become. And then You invited us to be a part of that story, the redemption of all things. And what can we say to that? When we truly get a glimpse of that it makes us feel almost embarrassed for the childishness that we exhibit so often, the self-absorption that we exhibit so often. And yet You have invited us into the biggest story of all, the story of the God of the universe, the story of the most-high God, the redeemer of everything that He touches. And You have touched us, and we are redeemed and that changes everything. And then You have commissioned us to go in Your name and share the good news and be a part of the redemptive story. And, so, this is what we’re thinking about right now, Yeah, we got a lot of stuff to finish up and we got church tonight. There are all kinds of things going on, but this is what we’re holding onto as we continue the activity of the day. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it is the website, it’s where you find out what's going on around here.

It's Christmas eve, so that is what's going on around here and we should be just soaking in it. I mean probably we’re busy…just all the little things that have to get done and preparation and then maybe preparation for candlelight services tonight depending on where we are. Lots of places that’s not even a possibility. And, so, we…we will be participating in a virtual candlelight service tonight. Jill will be singing O Holy Night, which you can stream anywhere like, Spotify or Apple music or whatever, or download. So, check that out. But she’ll be singing that tonight and we’ll post links on our social media channels for those of you who aren’t able to attend a candlelight service this evening, or for safety reasons aren’t going to. We’re going to be participating in a virus free candlelight service. So, we’ll post links to that.

And then, yeah, I don't know what all the traditions out there for Christmas Eve are. For us we’ll be gathering together as a family, enjoying a meal together, and just enjoying a fire, be playing some games, just getting ready for tomorrow when we…when we really truly joy to the world rejoice that the Lord has come and put ourselves in that position of the longing, the weight is over, the longing, the Savior has come while at the same time understanding that we’re still waiting, we’re waiting for the second arrival. And, so, this is a fantastic joyous day, a couple of days we’re we really, really sink our hearts into what's happening here, that this changes everything. And you can even feel it. Every year we get that glimpse because the world…the world takes note the hearts of people who are even not religious or not even believers or don't want anything to do with it. Everyone takes note of a lift in our spirits, good will toward one another. And maybe that's got all of its challenges this year. Maybe we’ve been apart for so long that we don't know how to be together or maybe we’re being kept apart and so it just doesn't feel as personal, but it's still there. It hovers. It comes like a season doesn't it? It just comes. There's the first winds of Christmas off in the distance. Once it starts to get cold, off in the distance it’s like we are headed toward this day. And, so, happy merry joyous Christmas eve to you. May you sense the power of what we’re talking about here, that God…God the most-high, the Creator, the supreme…like what words could we use. God came to earth in person to redeem and restore and reveal what life can and should look like for us. And, so, let's enjoy every moment of this.

I love you. I’m Brian merry Christmas I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hey DAB family it’s His __ here calling from the UK. Today’s the 18th of December and I just heard Quiet Confidence’s message coming through. Oh Lord I just pray over quiet confidence in this moment, just the sadness and the loss that I feel in her voice Lord. She feels so lost in away from the Lord and she’s begging to go home, but Lord I just pray in this moment that you fill her up with your strength, you fill her up with your love and you fill her up with your confidence. In this very moment Lord, Father God, this confidence that she so speaks about. And Lord I just pray again that, you know, even though you love her to come home with you, even though you want or they are in heaven, that you have a purpose for her on this earth, you have such a big purpose for her to just continue on Lord father God, continue on even when she feels lost, even…even when she feels afraid, even when she feels that she is nowhere near you when she’s away from you father God. That you are the closest to her, you are the closest to her that that you’ve ever been Lord father God and that she’s just hanging on. May she just hang on with all her strength. Quiet Confidence me you just keep on hanging on because there’s still something for you. God will call you when…when you’re ready. God will call you when He’s ready to take you up but for now He wants you here on this earth for anything and everything that you can give even if it’s coming out of this…this…this…this lowness that you feel even if it’s you know it’s just…just showing people that you can endure, that you can come back from…from the sadness, from this loss. I pray in Jesus’ name that you find the courage. I pray that you come out of this and I’m just sending all your love to you. Your husband’s there for you, your family and so were we the DAB. Take care. Bye.

Hello friends I’m calling for a prayer request, this is my first prayer request call and almost one year that I’ve been listening every day and the prayer request is for my wife. She’s been having chemo treatments most of 2020 and the doctors say there is no finish line, but we are trusting God for a finish line in February. So, if the doctors treatments goes expected then she will not have any more treatments because of the power and the miracle of our Lord.

This is Thomas King of West Point Mississippi calling to pray for the Bible __ family, Brian and his family, the DBA family want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a great happy and prosperous new year. Let us pray. Father we thank You once again oh dear God. You have been so good to us yet Lord we have been under so much pressure these past few months Lord, due to this pandemic and all the other things that families are going through. Dear God, we pray that You will just continue to keep us O God and bless everyone that’s under the sound of this voice that the hearing today. God, we pray that You would just keep them O God, keep them safe from this pandemic, keep them and watch over them master and please Sir even my sister that have come down and caught Covid we pray that You bless her and her family, all the DBA families dear God that may have caught it. We pray that You would watch over and keep them dear God in the mighty name of Jesus. Lord we pray for our family that is on the sound system and God has blessed me to be with the last 12 years and now I’m calling for the first time in a long time and again I’m Thomas King from West Point Mississippi. God bless You all Brian and family. Amen.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible family this call is in response to a call that I heard at the end of the December 18th podcast specifically for Quiet Confidence in Virginia. O sister in faith you…thank you for your vulnerability and thank you for reaching out. Lord just makes me want to pray for her because I felt compelled to call. Heavenly Father thank You thank, You for the gift of life and community. Thank You for people that are here, that are willing to bear the burden of prayer. Lord we come lifting up Quiet Confidence and any other person that’s in the same boat, that’s in the same position right now, walking through challenges with their mental and spiritual health. God we ask humbly that first and foremost You forgive us for any sins, forgive us for any opportunities that we may have given the enemy to attack us and to connect us. God we just ask that You lead us through, deliver for us. Lord You are our delivery. You said in Your word that You are not only near to the broken hearted a broken reed You will not despise but Lord You’ve come literally into this world to deliver us. Lord we pray and ask that You touch Quiet Confidence’s mind, her heart, her spirit. We ask Lord that You grant her an unusual faith, an unusual hope an unusual trust in You that will combat the lies of the enemy and in the name of Jesus Satan rebuke You, rebuke You. We rebuke and buffet the attacks that would come to destroy Quiet Confidence’s life and her purpose…

Hi family it’s Shannon from Texas and I already have the best news. My son went to court this morning and let me tell you after a night from hell I could literally write a book about the battle that we’ve had coming up to this point. The three different times he’s been on probation since he was 14, he’s 23 now just battle after battle after battle. I could write a book. Anyway, the judge as he talked to him on the phone, he said that the judge actually prayed with him…and rehab is not something that they do in the area that he’s on probation and he wasn’t even in the area he was supposed to be and he had responded and I tried to report that they didn’t seem to care they didn’t even normally offer rehab. The judge prayed with him and told him he would’ve no…he could see that he was not a liar and that he had integrity he had a family that cared about him and that he would send him away for 8 to 10 years if he saw him again, but he knew that he was going to get it right and that he was gonna send him to six months of rehab. I cannot tell you I have never heard such good news in my entire life. My son said he was in there crying and I just…he said that he has just…this is something he hasn’t been able to break free from and it definitely has gotten worse lately after some deliverance prayer. So, you know, we can’t speak life out of one side of my mouth and death outside the other and that’s something we’ve really…I’m working on we’ve all got to work on. I love you guys thank you for praying. Love you love you. Bye.

[mydearsaddiary]

Neil Season 3 part 5

Trigger warning: +16. This chapter includes mention of drug use and sexual harassment. The topics may be sensitive to some people!

Hey! For those of you who don’t know I am writing a Speakeasy Tonight fanfic about how I imagine Neil Season 3 would look like! The visual novel and original story is on the Lovestruck app! This is chapter 5, here’s a link with all the other chapters: https://mydearsaddiary.tumblr.com/NeilSeason3Fanfic

Little curiosity notes: Hello, everyone! Thanks for reading my fanfic! This chapter is a bit longer so it’ll be divided in two parts! It covers Problems with Vera, the gang has a new enemy, Hazel coming over and the wedding planning is moving forward! Enjoy! Don’t forget that if you have anything to add, you can always contact me! I always respond to messages!

Candy, My Dear Diary (6/2/20)

Chapter 5- All’s fair in love and war (PART 1)

1926

When I told Uncle Charlie I’d take over the Ice Box for him, I had the common sense to know it’d be dangerous, but I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into. How could I know?

Regardless, I did my job. I have faced dangers and sometimes I wasn’t sure if I could do it. But if there’s one thing Poppa told me is that you don’t show that. A leader keeps doing whatever he has to do and he never shows insecurity, he never lets doubt grow in those who depend on him. So even though I wasn’t sure if we were going to beat Vera once more, I’ll be darned if I let her win.

That’s what I was thinking about that morning. Neil and me were wrapped up in last night’s sheets, but at some point I had to get moving. Neil now ate more than me and woke up later than me, so he was still sleeping. I didn’t complain, how many sleepless nights and meals he skipped in the years since the war? He had some catching up to do.

I laid on his bare chest, noticing the details on his face. His brows furrowed in his sleep, his slight frown that made him a cynic even when he was unconscious. Part of me wondered what it was he dreamt about.

I got up, leaving him peacefully and putting on my robe. I arranged his clothes that were thrown on the floor last night on the bed and went down to whip up us some breakfast.

Before I did so I went to get the mail, and surprisingly found a letter from Lucille. I assumed Neil gave her my address in case she wanted to reach him somewhere else, but it startled me that it was addressed to a “Miss Granger”.

I sat on the dinner table opening the letter

Dear MC Granger,

I couldn’t help but feel guilty about how we ended things with you. It was an unfortunate turn of events, and I wanted to be sure to let you know my mother heard her share about it from me. I also wanted to notify you and my brother Neil about the birth of my daughter, Cornelia. I wish to visit you both in Chicago and I’d love for Neil to meet his niece. I’d be delighted if you’d allow me to introduce you as her aunt as well. My mother shall come with me if you accept, she’s ready to make amends. Please reply to my letter as soon as you can and let us know when it is a good time to visit you. I am thrilled to have you as a new addition to our family

Hope to see you soon,

Lucille Branford of Boston”

It was sweet of her to have written me after I stormed out of Boston without even saying goodbye. Lucille was so understanding, too much for her own good. I wrote her back immediately, letting her know I was sorry for disappearing and that I’d love to have her in Chicago next week. Hazel would be here these days, so it was better to separate things for now.

I finished breakfast and was about to wake Neil up when he came down the stairs. I smiled at him for a second. His disheveled hair that was usually in pristine shape and his slightly swollen eyes from having just woken up made me warm inside. We were truly domestic now, all that stood in the way were the days until I walked down the aisle

-Morning, my dear fiancé- I put emphasis on that last part

He chuckled looking at me- You’re in a good mood

-Why wouldn’t I be? I’ve got the most handsome man in the world right in front of me

He gave me a sarcastic smile in response , the one you gave to your mother as a kid when she forced you to be photographed, and it made me laugh- Go throw some water on your face, will ya? You’re giving me the heebie-jeebies- I said running my fingers through his hair to fix it up, after a few seconds I got his attention again- Hey, your sister wrote me

-Lucille?-He looked at me now sitting at the table after washing his face- What did she say?

-She wants to come to Chicago, Cornelia is born. I told her she could stay here for a couple of days next week. She’ll bring your mother and I’m sure her husband will come if Cornelia is

He raised an eyebrow-Are you sure you can handle all that right now? Your schedule is full

-Well, she asked and it’s only for a couple of days, next week Uncle Charlie will still be in Columbus so we’ll have extra rooms. Besides… I was hoping you’d stay here those days to help me out too- I looked at him pleadingly- After all, we need to start planning the wedding. I have to go to a boring temperance meeting this morning and I’m pretty sure Vera is gonna make an appearance at that one, so I’ll be plenty stressed after. Buuut… After that we have appointments at different venues for our wedding and I hired a planner, she’ll talk about some of the decorations and the reception

He sighed, obviously overwhelmed at the amount of stuff I had just said- We should’ve just eloped.

-C’mon, we have to make this a wedding to remember! It’s our only one!-I pouted holding his hands

He looked at me for a few seconds, pondering his options- Fine, fine! I can’t fight against those cow eyes. But there’s something else

-What is it?- I said in bewteen my eating and drinking coffee

-You know my family will make sure they’re all here for the wedding, right?

-Well, I imagined so

-This makes our wedding a high society wedding, and they have their own customs. I’m sure my mother is coming to Chicago because if she couldn’t stop it, she wants to have a say in it

-That’ll make my parents happy as a clam. I’ve never been to any high society weddings, only seen them on the newspapers. They always make such a big deal about them

-Yes, exactly-He continued- I’m bringing up my offer to elope again, because a high society wedding means we’ll be on the newspaper. Both in Chicago because it’s where we’ll marry, and in Boston because it’s where my family is from. It’ll say something like “Boston bachelor snatched: Heir of the Dresners marries sweetheart in Chicago” or something as corny as that

-Nice try, I’m still gonna go ahead with my plans

-It’s your funeral

-No, buster, it’s our wedding!-I went around the table, sitting on his lap- And I’m determined to make it the best wedding Chicago has ever seen

He looked up at me smiling- Then I can’t argue. Once you decide something, trying to get you to change your mind is like trying to take food out of a bulldog’s mouth.

-You’re sleeping with this bulldog

-Don’t say that phrase, ever again- He looked at me incredulously and I couldn’t help but laugh as I leaned in to plant a passionate kiss on his lips

-I love you-I whispered into him

-Yeah, I know- He looked at me with a smirk and I poked at his ribs- Ow! I was just- Ow, stop that! Alright, I love you too, MC- He said and I stopped satisfied

-Alright-I kissed him one more time before getting up- I need to get ready and leave for the temperance meeting. Should I come over to your apartment after? It’d be easier if you just picked me up and we went to the venues together from there, you know?

He agreed he’d pick me up and I made my way to the kitchen, putting the dishes in the sink.

Then I don’t know what came over me, but I started thinking of everything that I had to do. Temperance meeting speeches, Ice Box, deal with Vera Peters, Hazel, Uncle Charlie, Wedding planning… It’s like everything became a spiral of disconcerted thoughts inside my head that made me anxious. I felt this sudden dizziness take over my head. Suddenly the smell of the kitchen was bothering me and I felt like I had to sit down. But before I could do anything it was like my body gave up on me and regurgitated everything I had just eaten into that sink and I coughed everything out.

I stayed there for a few seconds trying to recompose myself. First thought in my head was shallow: “I can’t believe I just puked, that’s gross!”. Then I turned the water on washing it away and grabbing a paper towel wiping my lips

-MC?- Neil stood leaned on the doorway, a worried look on his face

-Ugh… You didn’t just watch that, did you?

-No… But I heard it- This time he walked towards me as a filled a cup with water

-Don’t drink all that. Just a sip. You shouldn’t drink or eat much for the next few hours- He started taking care of the dishes himself- Sit down

I did as he told me- I must’ve drank too much yesterday- my eyes itched

-I don’t think that’s it-He washed our plates- You have a habit of working until you can’t handle it anymore. You did it a few months ago when you passed out due to exhaustion- He turned to me once he was done- And you’ve been working and working nonstop and Cleo mentioned you were tired last night. Throwing up is also a sign of overworking… Means your body is overwhelmed, MC- He walked towards me, kneeling down and touching my knees gently- Which means: Take care of yourself. That advice is not only for Charlie, either. If you don’t want me holding you captive again- He joked around- Take it easy.

I sighed and then nodded- Alright, doctor. I’ll take it easy

After I promised Neil I’d watch myself, I dressed up and took a cab to the most stressful event of all: Temperance meetings with Vera. She wasn’t showing up to them in a while but I knew that getting married to Mayor Adler would bring her enough courage to show her face again. And right I was. I sat down in one of the couches as she rose to speak to everyone

Vera still had that charm about her. The same grace in her movements, the same poise in her manners. The finesse present in her clothes and her cakes that made people roll their eyes with pleasure, everything was there to gain the hearts of the temperance people back. She was the same elegance as before. However, her piercing eyes told a different story, one everyone was unaware of but me. Vera Peters lived to rule and to ruin, she had the mind of a dictator. In other circumstances I would’ve admired a strong woman, but strong doesn’t always mean good. In Vera’s case it meant havoc.

-Dear Temperance comrades- She started and I already wanted to throw up again- As you know I have discovered that my former husband was involved in criminal activities and directly entangled with the infamous mob boss O’Sullivan. As reported, they are both in jail now where they should be- In her words I could see the lack of loyalty, the deception, the cruelty. Even so, I used to be as blind to it as everybody else in this room- …And I of course, have divorced Peters. I had no idea of his vices and the crimes he committed- Lies, just lies! I just want to call her out- And have now found a partner that shares my drive in the temperance movement, former Prohibition officer and mayor of Chicago: Richard Adler. I will forever support our cause and we will raise again, together- She looked at me this time, glaring with a wicked smile- Every time someone tries to put us down.

As expected, by the end of the temperance meeting everyone was greeting Vera Peters, now Vera Adler and talking about how sorry they were she had to go through all that and how strong she was. I stayed away from the action or I’d puke again on her face. However, Vera seemed to be one of those people who wanted to have everyone under her spell, and she knew I wasn’t in on it. So she came on walking right towards me with her band of loyal followers

-Miss Granger, I hear congratulations are in order-She spoke in that voice that made me want to eat up lead- You’re engaged to that handsome doctor of yours. It’s such a noble profession- She said teasing me, since she researched Neil’s past and knew of his morphine addiction

-Thanks, Vera- I said in that fake friendly tone- I must congratulate you as well on your marriage to Mayor Adler- I hated the fact I had to go back to being civil with her

She smiled even more, since she knew I wanted her to be everything but the Mayor’s wife. Ditch one Mayor and go to the next one… She’s like a Black Mayor Widow- Oh thanks, dear! Won’t you eat one of my cakes?

-I can’t. I’m sick, shouldn’t eat much. Doctors’ orders-I smiled so no one would notice how much I wanted to slug her in the face if I could

-That’s a shame, dear. I hope I can convince you to tea after this?- She played her move.

That was the last thing I wanted. She was smart, if I refused again with no excuse it’d make me look bad and less respectable. Lucky for me I had a perfect excuse- I’d really love to some other time, Vera. But you got me at a bad time. After this, me and my fiancé have appointments with our wedding planner. See, we have so much to do!- I tried to put on my best upper-crust action- Then we have family from other states coming to visit. It’s a busy time for me

-You should hurry up the wedding if you’re already feeling sick… No respectable lady should be with child out of wedlock- She smiled and her friends all gasped with the gossip

That witch! She knew that wasn’t the case, she just used my indisposition to make me look bad. I almost slapped her face right then and right there, but she looked back at me as if she said “I dare you”, so I breathed profoundly and smile at her again- You should be more careful with misleading gossip, Mrs. Adler. I’m not expecting

-It must be the extra weight then, I’m sorry dear!-She laughed like we were old pals.

As if he had read my thoughts, Neil pulled up to the house- Oh look, my ride is here. Until next time, Vera Adler.

-Oh yes, we’ll see each other very soon-She said before I left

When I got into the car I just threw myself on the seat sighing

-That bad, huh?-Neil asked driving

-I might puke again, all over your car- I said dramatically

-It’ll be a cold day in hell when I let that happen! Roll down your window!

I did as he asked. I wasn’t really going to be sick, but the air felt good on my face-Well, to the church then-I pointed forward

Once we were there I looked around. It was a huge church, taller than everything in Columbus. I bet it could fit everyone we knew there and then some. I walked around in red carpet, tried to imagine myself walking down it and see Neil there, waiting for me at the end

-Don’t like it?-He asked seeing my reaction

-Do you?-I looked at him, my arm tucked in his

-To be honest I’m not good at deciding this stuff. I was just gonna go with whatever you thought was good- He shrugged- As long as it’s you walking up to me, it doesn’t really matter where it happens

I smiled. He could be sweet when he wanted

-But- Neil continued- I know women do imagine this moment more than us and I’m sure you have an idea of what you want. So if it doesn’t feel right, then it’s not the place

-Yes, I guess so. Thanks, Neil

With that I knew that wasn’t it. It’d probably satisfy both of Neil’s family and mine. However, that day wasn’t about them, it was about me and Neil. I just had to go with my instincts.

Along the way there was a chapel that I liked the most. I thought about it for a while and I could imagine everything in it. I could see the car parking in front of it. The stairs that led up to its doors. It was built out of wood, but it was entirely white. It had beautiful pink and salmon roses on the outside. The inside was a caramel color, the seats were brown, in a traditional church fashion. The sides of the seats were decorated with the same roses as the outside. The big windows left everything naturally lit and the red carpet led to the altar, where I could see Neil standing, waiting to take my hand. For convenience, it was big and charming enough so our families wouldn’t be opposed, but not so extravagant that I felt scared by it.

-What do you think?-I asked him

-It seems to be away from all the action of the city. Closer to the residential area, not likely we’ll be hearing any disturbances from the outside. If you like it, then I’m all for it

-Well, that’s ducky, because I think it’s the bee’s knees!

I did want to wait until the cold was mostly over so we settled for a date in early May. About five and a half months from now. Seemed enough time to do everything without worrying everyone about taking too long. Since we had a venue and a date, the rest of the planning would rest on the reception, invitations and dresses, tuxedos and fitting. Seeing it coming along was really exciting

We were driving to La Salle station to pick my little sister Hazel up and I decided to strike up a conversation

-Did you go through this before, you know, the wedding planning… With Lillie?-I looked at him

He seemed pensive for a moment- No, not really. Our families were traditional, they always told me how much of a great girl she was and I went along with it. I met her and she seemed nice enough. Lucille loved her, it’s her best friend, and you see she made Lillie the godmother. Then there’s Alton who never said much about it, but didn’t seem opposed to the idea. I trusted their judgment better than anyone else. When we enlisted in the war I was convinced I wanted to marry her so I proposed. This way when I came back she’d be waiting for me. So I was really in France while they planned everything. They wanted me to marry her as soon as I came back but you knew how in shambles I was. So I convinced them to wait until I was done with Med school… And then I left. So, no… I wasn’t really involved in it

It seemed dark and gloomy. Most things with Neil seemed that way- Do you like being involved in it?

He chuckled- I can’t say party planning is my calling. But… I can’t say I hate it either- He smiled at me in a comforting way

Once we were at the station, my sister waited with a small bag for us, she recognized Neil in the driver’s seat and got in the back of the car- There’s so many people over here- That was the first thing she said

-Well, hello to you too-I answered

-Hey MC, hey doc- Hazel said

-You didn’t bring any of the heroin with you, did you?-Neil asked

-No, it’s just like you said-She replied

-Good, it’ll be harder that way, but you’ll sweat yourself off it- Neil was not one to calm anybody’s nerves or sugarcoat anything- I was thinking of taking her to the infirmary but, I think she’ll be better around someone familiar.

-Of course she can stay at Uncle Charlie’s- I turned around to face her- By the way, Hazel, how is Uncle Charlie?

-Old- She said- And he and Poppa stay the whole night talking and playing poker and when they wake up in the morning, they go into the woods to hunt or fish or whatever. Can’t pull ‘em apart. Even Momma’s been around him. I mean, they all grew up together

It was nice to know he was doing fine- That’s good. I told him he needed a vacation from the store and let me watch over it

-Yea… Hey doc, how does this work? This whole getting off the dynamite thing?

-Simple. In about 24 to 48 hours you’re going to want to die. You’ll sweat, feel pain, won’t be able to control your movements, you’ll probably cry, throw up, it’ll feel like all your bones are being shattered at the same time… Then after that it gets better.

-Sounds perfect- She said sarcastically

-After the initial stress, we’ll send you back to Columbus. I’ve got a contact in Cincinnati who agreed to come up to Columbus, owed me a favor. From there he’ll take it over for us. Just play it out like you’re going out with the man.

-Yea, then my parents will send her to a convent for going out with two fellas at the same time- I added

-Teddy Denby? I dumped him. You were right, he’s a bust

I laughed, not surprised- I was there once too, sister.

And for the next few days the only eventuality that took place was what Neil called detox. The good side was that Neil stayed over at Uncle Charlie’s with the both of us. The bad side was that Hazel did feel like she was going to die like Neil said, and she looked like it too. I never heard her cry so much in my life.

I didn’t mention anything to Neil though, I trusted him enough to know that he knew what he was doing. Not just because he was a doctor, but because he went through something similar.

It had been five days since she had been there with us. I hadn’t gone to the Ice Box much and neither had Neil, but I had to wait until Hazel was home to update myself on hurricane Vera. On that fifth day though, Hazel had stopped crying. It seemed like most of the physical symptoms faded or were almost completely fading away. Neil said something about having to continue the process, but that the worst was over, however the cravings or long-lasting effects would be there, so that’s what the contact, I’m assuming another doctor, from Cincinnati was for.

I was sitting on the bed with her that day when she said- I think I might be carrying a torch for him, MC- She faced me- Will you cancel your wedding?

I laughed. She probably had a little crush but I knew she was pulling my leg- Hands off! I worked hard for it!- I hesitated about saying the next part, but said it anyway- By the way, it’s not unusual for a patient to develop a crush on her doctor. Psychiatrists call it transference!- I imitated Neil’s tone of voice

-I think you’re spending too much time with him

-You noticed we’re getting married, right?-I laughed with her and updated Hazel on the upcoming plans of the marriage from then on.

I gave her a letter to give to Momma for everyone and then a separate one to Uncle Charlie. Before she went home I made her swear she would follow up with the plan and stay clean, watch out for herself and cooperate. Her treatment was long from over but it seemed Neil had started it well.

Once we dropped her off at La Salle station I turned to him- Did you flirt with her?- I asked as a joke

-I am the flirting type- He teased back- Besides, I couldn’t resist her vomiting, diarrhea and the excessive sweating. My type of girl

I laughed, feeling wrong about it a few seconds after- You are one inappropriate son of a gun

-You laughed anyway-He got into the car and I followed him

-Thanks, Neil… For doing that

-I didn’t do much to be honest- He started to drive- Just got her through the initial stages of it. She’s still going to feel everything, just not in the same intensity

-Well, I imagine the beginning is the worst, just take the gratitude, will ya?

He smiled, softly- You’re welcome

After that I decided it was time to go back to the Ice Box. I needed updates on how everything was going, so I scheduled a meeting. Everyone had a few days to work on everything, so it seemed like the right time

-Alright-I said looking at Gerald- How’s everything going at The Broiler?

-We’re being friendly with each other. I can’t rush it but… I gave her the impression I was amazed at her skills and thought she had a good business head and gave tips, so she thinks I’m warming up to the idea- He sighed- And we shared a few drinks, got a date tomorrow- He blushed, obviously hating his role in all this

-Ooo… Excited, Gerry?- Vince teased and O’Fallon turned even more red, I just didn’t know if it was out of embarrassment or anger

-Can it, Vince!-I glared at him, then turned my attention to Gerald again- You’ll just have to keep at it. The sooner she trusts you the sooner we’ll be rid of her

-I know, I just hope it works-He said frustrated with Vince’s comment

-It will. Anyone have anything to add?

Vince started- Oh, those documents you wanted me to find at O’Sullivans warehouse… They’re not there. Nothing there incriminates the Broiler from what I can see

Cliff followed- How do we know if she’s just saying all that and in reality she’s got nothing?

-No- Gerald said- She has documents. Waived them right in front of me, they exist.

-Alright-I said next- Vera invited me for tea and I refused, maybe if I accept next time she’ll take me to her house. I could try snoop around a bit

-Don’t think she’ll let you out of her sight- Cliff said

-Well, I’m going to try anyway. If it doesn’t work we’ll just have to try something else

And so the plan unfolded. Vera Peters did invite me for tea the next time I was at the temperance meeting again. She wanted something for being so insistent, and so did I

When I went into her house though, it wasn’t what I was expecting. A white mansion stood before my eyes, and the biggest living room I had ever seen in shades of green expanded its way in an unquantifiable immensity. Mayor Adler sure had a deep pocket. Her servants set the table and Vera waited, a cup in her hand and her legs crossed. She didn’t get up or greet me, she just kept looking and motioned the cup towards the other seat. I made my way sitting across her. A silence took over for a second as she flipped a page on her magazine. I didn’t take her for a magazine kind of woman, but it seemed like it was on purpose.

After she ignored my presence for a few minutes, I started talking- You invite me for tea, have the table set. Why exactly am I here for, Vera?

-My name is Mrs. Adler, wife to the mayor- She gave herself the title- And you shall refer to me as such

I almost laughed, but I had to hold it in. It seemed like she had called me here to institutionalize fear and respect. I thought at first it was because she wanted me to treat her like the other ladies at the temperance meetings did. But then I realize she didn’t see me that way. It gave me a bit of satisfaction to realize she wanted my respect as a business woman, as a gang leader. She had Gerald’s and now she sat me down, trying to force her way into my head

Vera was danger, alright. I knew I had to play just the same game as her as I did before. The problem is: Was I smarter than her? I urged myself to think, what’s the best thing to do here?

I breathed in and out recomposing myself-Alright, Mrs. Adler. What is it you want?

-I want what I first offered you a month ago, MC-She sipped her tea- I want to have you under my wing, do as I say

-What makes you think I’ll do what you say?

-I don’t know if you’ve heard but I got control of The Broiler recently

-I did hear some rumors you’ve been hanging around there-I crossed my legs sipping my tea- But what makes you think we’re as stupid as everyone in O’Sullivan’s gang?

-On the contrary, you’re smarter. I appreciate a woman with a head for business. However, my husband has documents in his office I handed to him incriminating Charles Granger as a mob boss and your sweet fiancé’s illegal medicine practices, with the addition that he’s still using morphine. Of course I added that myself- If I could I would jump on her right now- The only reason why an arrest warrant hasn’t been issued yet is because I told him not to, but the moment you stop cooperating with me they’ll be wearing stripes.

I glared at her in fury, she had the upper hand for sure, but in me I knew we already had a plan against her. I was confident enough, but I needed Charlie and Neil to be safe. So I remembered all my acting classes from Elliot and Sofia’s classes on deception and I looked at her- Alright,Ve- I stopped for a second- Mrs. Adler- I saw her smile of satisfaction. It’d be good for us if she thought we had nothing on her

-I’ll call you for tea next week again. I have grand ideas for the Ice Box- She smiled- Now I’m done with you for the day. You can find your wait out, right?

I left in a hurry, made a bit of scene too, might convince her I lost. I slipped into the Studebaker and drove away. However, I stopped in the corner. I know I needed to get her out of the house to snoop around. Which is why Officer Gallagher would call her for a meeting with the coppers, since Sofia found out Mayor Adler would be there. After, I knew her plans were dinner with a certain Irish fella.

Soon enough, she was being driven away from the mansion. Knowing my ways inside the big house and having my trusty pins in hand, it wasn’t hard to slip into the house and start going from rooms to rooms as I needed. There were so many, it took me a while to find one interesting locked room. I picked the lock and when I opened I realized it was an office. It was definitely Adler’s.

I looked around and soon there it was. Incriminating documents. Not just about The Broiler, Neil, Uncle Charlie or even the whole Ice Box. But documents about everything and everyone in Chicago and what they had done. Mayor Adler was definitely a worse option than Mayor Peters. Vera wasn’t the only problem, Adler was a maniac. I grabbed what I needed about the Ice Box and hit it in the concealed holster under my leg. Then, I couldn’t stop snooping around to see if there was anything that compromised anyone else I cared about. Looking about documents on The Broiler kind of fell on the side

Adler was bonkers, that was the best word to describe it. I found pictures, pictures of ladies and flappers in compromising situations. Documents signed unwillingly, creepy telegrams about the people he’d controlled and those who he couldn’t so they were dead. Donovan said he’d kill for his family, but that’s too generous for Adler. He’d kill anyone he wanted if it suited him.

I backed away from everything. The energy of that office soon suffocated me. If I didn’t leave I felt like I could be sick again just from all that. I breathed more heavily before leaving the office, locking it again and soon making my way down the stairs. Once I got to the middle of the immense living room the front door suddenly opened to reveal the man itself.

Mayor Adler

____

Link to part 2: https://mydearsaddiary.tumblr.com/post/619859613321494528/chapter-5-alls-fair-in-love-and-war-part

[16th-cornelia-street]

just a jumbled mess of stream of consciousness thoughts while listening to folklore: (alos heads up i don’t know any of the song names so i’m just going mostly with the lyrics that stood out to me. but it is mostly in order of the songs as they play out.)

I remember when first listening ot lover thinking how melancholy all th songs were. i don’t feel it as much anymore, it just must have been my state of mind at the time. but listening to the first two songs of folklore i’m getting that feeling again and i don’t feel its going to go away. haven’t listened to rest of this ,but hte wishing and longing for htings to go back to how they were seems like its going to be the theme of this album

song after american dynasty gave me chills. that guys voice: beautiful.

same song gives me vibe of this is last time on red, which is a good song, couple having conversation about not listening to each othe rand feeling like neithe is being heard and thngs are falling apart. its my sisters favorite song on that album wonder how she’ll feel about this one.

mirror ball song makes me think of that dress she wore to award show for lover. and remember when joe and taylor posted that wine photo i wonder if thats the day they were working together on the song peopel theorize he worked with her on.

because i like to crazy theorize what if the three love sotry is about forbidden love stories both taylor and the cowriter had not together but with other people. i’m just in writing mode so creating all kinds of wild theories.

mirror ball also gives vibes of miss americana how she just wnats to be liked and shows various aspects of herself ot be accepted and the ball showing the viewer various aspects of themselves reminds me of how the fans talk about seeing themselves in her writing, parts they didn’t know aobut or parts tehy don’t show others. how they see thsemlves in her songs so in a way she is a mirorball to her fans not just her lovers.

folksong song sounds like a first love childhood before the singer learned to what was proper and accepted how to act like a “lady” back when her love was wild adn free pacing up her dolls and swaeter (cardigan) so they could run away together and be free in teh way they wanted to be. 

sometimes its easier to talk about aspects of ourslves by putting on othe people on othe stories slipping in fiction with truth so no one knows what was real or imagined (august)

august gives me back to december vibes.

man taylors vocals this album just i’m so speeechless so many ways she’s never sung before, a new side of her and her vocals so haunting nad beaitiful and breathy its enchanting. i don’t know how to describe it.

it doesn’t have ot be an affair to feel this way to feel like the perosn you’ve broken up with is someone you’ll never find agan never feel that way agin with who created worlds with you and then tears them all apart hwne they leave you.

invisible string i take it this is from male perspective talking about a girl and not realizing at time tehy liked you back and finding connnection years later. that yes they did like you.

gold string and dive bars gives me reputation feels.

really liking all the instrumentals in teh scong calm and soothing of course becauase thats the theme but i like that taylor changes up her sound each album not alwaysa rocky or poop or coutnry, its nice ot get the narrative beauty that is taylor but have the story told in different genres, if you will

when i saw that hte album was explicit i was like taylor is going to say the f word and when she id i was not ready for it espcialy with teh full sentence i think she said of mouth-f so ya that was boht unexpected and jarring and...wow, taylor. when you decide to use that word you go all in. good for you.

madwoman seems like sequal to the man. the man’s “crazy” sister

does he beat kind of pick up at the end of madwoman, either i was getting anxiety or the beat picks up when its just the insturmentals to give it a kind fo manic feeling

ther is a lot of mention fo dead nd peopel wishing someone was dead and funeral.s are you okay taylor. i just need to chck in with you.

the song about the soldier is giving me soon you’ll get better and will probably end up being the song i skip the most like all taylors songs about her mom becuause i can’t always handle those  feels.

betty’s garden. james girl drives up in car talk abou summer i was thinking august the whole tiem that maybe this song is tied to august song liek she said three songs tie togtehr in love triangle so that confirms it so is the third song the one about running away togetehr with suitcase of dolls and sweaters?

idk why as soon as i saw taylor message about love triangles i didn’t think the usual he loves her but she loves him, i was thinking he loves her and she loves her and she loves him. like a circle but it guess th twoudln’t amek ti a triangle then. but was totally thinking forbiddne and secret love and not realizing that she actaully liked you while you wer in love with her best friend. idk. i’m a mess.

sometimes i when i listen to taylor i think her voice hasn’t changed i listen to old songs and they basically sound the same but this album you really get to see her range and a new side of her voclas and tones and its nice ot hear the old and new together working togteher to make this album. 

okay this song cardigen is giving me vibes but then thers is the laughter at the end that pervades the cardigan song so betty garden seems tied to that.

bety garden is like book when he arrived at party at end its like ia rrived at your paryt i ws like what what di she say how did she react.i need to know.

 idk i just rally like this album i know its different in a good way and its really i really like the storyteller in me is squeeling.

brittle heart seems like a mess of phrases when first impresion but listening closer but its like youre trying searhcing for he word prhase thing syou need to say finding the right words finding the right combinaton of words either your own or someone else’s to get them to listen to hear you to accept you and let you be a part of their life.

hoax started and i knew it was the last song and it jsut felt like thigs wre getting starrted and alreayd its over. i’m not ready for it to be over. play it again sam.

edit; like this wasn’t long enough, here are more jumbled notes from the second listen.

unrequited love. missed opportunities. young love. mistakes taht could never be fixed.

what happesn when you take out all the prhases that seem out of place, like kissed two girls and lost the one. later in teh story you find out about james and him doing that and it seems like a hint taht he lost betty.

be a friend to all be afriend to none also seems out of palce seesm like taylor speaking from hr own experience

i can’t tell how much of this is narrative insertion? is that the word. and how much of it is just the narrative.

cardigan really feels lke this is betty’s song when he left for the summer and ruined everything.

he did come back to her but i don’t know feels like it might have been too late but maybe not. mixed readings on this one.

dynasty is a bop and i have many thoughts on it like that i love rebecca she is my life goals.

also get black widow vibes from her when couple dynasty with mad woman and teh idea that waht happend to the dog might have happened to her husband.

do you tay, you do you. ruin everything ebcause evertyhing is already ruined and its time they realized that and that its not really your fault.

not really any woman’s fault. 

some of the songs seem like they are about othe poeple but then likewith  lemony snicket it feels liek teh narrator is telling his own story in his own words or through the characters.

the couple fight song gives me miss americana nad heartbreak proince both as a romance and the current state of our country

ricochet what is that jumbled instrumental jazz mess that happeesn after the first mention fo her tears

sweet tea does it mention braids idk it just keeps giving me vibes of two girls in love but that could be because i’ve been on a supercorp writing stint.

the insturmentals just take you to another plane of existence

mentions a girl and talks about guys she gives their babies present (strign song) don’t know what to make of this song. gives me many feelings and so much to unpack

where is centenial parrk and do they ahve a yogurt stand there where someone worked. it makes me wonder if songs about not realizing how many times your paths crossed with someone utnil the moment you finally collide and have your first official encounter

mad woman almost seems like its tied to american dynasty hinting at the reasons she went mad after her husband died

when i heard mouth f*ck in madwoman i had teh same reaction as i did when i heard taylor sing “only bought this dress so you could take it off” in dress. adn i am reminded yet again, our girl is growing up. is grown up. she says fu and everything.

betty’s gardne mentions being 17 and not knowing anything and in cardigent we were young and they said we don’t know anything like she was calling BS on his excuse. you knew exactly what you were doing

btrittle heart maybe its like snatches of conversations memoires of meoments togteher things that were said that wer promised that weren’t said things you wanted to say

hoax mentions number one bringing it all back to the first song

[ravenclawismyjam]

Episode 15 Rayan The ending we truly deserved

I couldn’t let it go and had to write this. I HAD TO. I am too thirsty. All written in one go, just how I wished the episode to end. My first ever fanfiction. Feel free to read (without wasting AP), like and share (with giving credits).

MCLUL Episode 15 – alternative ending Rayan (proof-read version)

‘Honestly, I’m used to it. He must have run into someone he knows and show up in five minutes. Or in a couple of days.’, Amber said indifferently. I sent Nathaniel a text message telling him where we were and joined the others that already found a place to sit a few metres behind the food truck. The cotton candy sent a sugary rush through my body and I got even more excited about the rest of the evening. While the group was chatting lightly and enjoying the food, Nathaniel reappeared from behind the bushes and joined the group. ‘Where have you been all this time?’, asked Rosa curiously. Nath sat down next to his sister. ‘I went to the toilets but they were out of order so I had to go to the other side of the park to find other ones and on the way back I didn’t see you right away. I see you all had food already?’, he said while glancing around. ‘Yeah, we didn’t know if you wanted any but you can have the rest of my churros. I am already full.’, Amber said while passing him an almost full tray of churros with cinnamon. I looked at her but didn’t bring up the topic.

While Nath dug in, we decided to all go to the Ferris wheel as our next destination. The pods allowed only two people at the same time so I went together with Chani while the others found themselves into pairs as well. I couldn’t help but think about how romantic this would have been with Rayan. Maybe next year, we could visit the fair as a regular couple. For all it was worth, at least I was going to spent the rest of the evening with him. I smiled. Chani brought me back. ‘I am sure he would have liked it as well.’ ‘Wait, what? Who?’ She giggled. ‘Professor Zaidi, of course. I can tell from the look on your face that he is on your mind right now. Any plans to see him soon?’ I was certain that this girl had a promising career as a mind-reader ahead. ‘Uhm, yeah, later tonight actually. He has to grade some papers, but we will meet once our group is done with the fair.’ ‘Lucky for you then. It seems like most of us are already quite tired and ready to go home.’ She nodded to the pod behind us. Rosa was resting on Leigh’s shoulder with her eyes closed.

When everybody was back on the ground, most of us said their goodbyes, leaving only me, Chani, Priya, Morgan and Alexy. I took my phone out, to text Rayan to check if he was still awake and up to meet. After all, it was only around 9pm. He answered immediately ‘Yes, I have been waiting already eagerly for you and your lips. All papers are graded for today, I think I deserve a break.’ He sent me an address. ‘Let’s meet there.’ My heart skipped a beat. Was this the address to his place? Was I finally allowed to see his apartment? And more importantly, had he changed his mind about this line we hadn’t crossed yet? ‘EARTH TO CANDY, DO YOU COPY?’ I almost dropped my phone and just barely managed to catch it. Alexy looked at me suspiciously. ‘Did you hear anything I just said?’  ‘Uhm, what?’ The others laughed. ‘Alexy and I will go for a final ride together but the girls want to go back to the dorms’, said Morgan. ‘What are your plans now?’ I looked at my phone. ‘Uhm, I have something else to do but I will walk to the exit with the girls.’ I gave out a round of hugs and headed to the entrance gate of the park. I checked the address on my phone and it seemed to be no less than a 10-minute walk from here. I waved Chani and Priya goodbye as they went the opposite direction towards campus lightly chatting.

Usually, I would have been a little scared to walk by myself during the night but the street lights kept everything bright and I barely came across other people. After a few blocks, I noticed a familiar silhouette standing on the side walk. I waved at Rayan and he took a few steps towards me to hug me tightly. The street was pretty empty, apart from loud chatting coming from a little tapas bar at the corner. Feeling Rayan’s strong arms around me made shiver a little from excitement. I inhaled he is cologne and felt the warmth of his body. After a while, he let go of me. ‘Why are we meeting here?’, I asked, naturally curious. ‘Well, I figured we both didn’t have a proper dinner, unless you want to count candied apples and cotton candy as healthy meal choices. And I didn’t have time to cook anything so I thought we could get some tapas here as takeaway.’ Just that second, my stomach let out a loud grumble. Rayan laughed, ‘Seems like we have a deal.’ We entered the little shop and went up to the counter. The people on the small tables inside did not take any notice of us whatsoever and continued with their conversations. Rayan and I chose a variety of tapas samples with different toppings which the waiter packed into a cardboard box with the restaurant’s name on it. Rayan paid and we left the little restaurant.

‘We are we off to now? Are we going to eat in the streets or do you have another idea?’, I glanced at him, hoping he would suggest what I was hoping. ‘I really like this restaurant and I come here a lot because it is only one street away from my place. I thought, we could go there to eat.’ Having him actually say the words, made my heart skip a beat. The day at the beach came to my mind, when he said he was ‘old-fashioned’ about certain things and wanted to get to know me better. Rayan had already gone a few steps ahead and turned around, ‘I-I-I mean, only if… you feel comfortable, of course’.  He looked a little nervous. After making sure that the street was empty, I gave him a quick but passionate kiss. Reassured, we turned into a side alley and Rayan got his keys out. His apartment was in a big building covered in red bricks with big windows. ‘It’s on the 7th floor but there is an elevator, don’t worry’, he said after noticing me inspecting the stairway. Carrying our tapas bag in one hand, he pressed the button and the doors closed. I felt his hand holding onto my waist and pulling me closer. No matter how much fun I had on the fair with the others, something was telling me that the best part of the day was still ahead.

Rayan’s apartment was just as I imagined it to be. We entered the living room that featured a big couch in the corner, a TV, a shelf with some DVDs, a huge wooden desk covered in papers, next to a bookshelf full of art books. Here and there were some pot plants. Through an arch door, I could see a small but nice kitchen and on the other side was a closed door, presumably to the bedroom. I wondered if I would get to see the whole apartment tonight. Rayan went into the kitchen while I inspected his DVD collection and he came back with the tapas on a platter, a bottle of wine and two glasses. It looked incredible. He set everything on the little couch table a joined me on the couch. He had barely time to sit down, when I already jumped on him and kissed him tenderly. He reciprocated the kiss while stroking my hair behind my ears. Our lips parted just to meet again a few seconds later and yet, it felt like forever. I rubbed my nose into the nook on this neck while he held me tight, kissing my forehead. I had no idea how a man could have such an effect on me. It is almost as if all my sorrows have been blown away just by being with him. We stayed like this for a while longer before our stomachs signalled us to start eating. While we sampled all the different kinds of tapas and enjoyed a glass of wine, we talked about whatever came to our minds.

‘I can tell you, a trip with the other university staff feels quite like back in the days when I was in high school and we went on class trips. Some things never change.’, Rayan said, concluding his anecdote about his recent seminars. I was snuggled in his arms, listening to his story, feeling his warmth and heartbeat. ‘Are you still awake?’, Rayan leaned forward to check if I had my eyes open. ‘Yes, sir, I am awake’, I said smirking and planted a kiss on his lips, ‘But you have to admit that it is running somewhat late.’ Rayan looked at the clock on the wall, it was almost midnight. ‘If somebody knew that you were at your Professor’s place in the middle of the night, you would be in some serious trouble, Miss.’ ‘Would I?’  I raised an eyebrow and moved my face closer to his. Without blinking, almost like a dare, I whispered ‘I feel like you could even be in bigger trouble. One-way ticket to hell, remember?’  He chuckled. ‘Well, if I am already in trouble, I have nothing to lose.’  With a sudden movement he tugged his arms around my waist and stood up, lifting me from the ground. I couldn’t help but letting out a surprised scream while managing to wrap my legs around his waist not to fall down. Unerringly, Rayan carried me towards the closed door, opened it and dropped me on the bed in the room behind it.

(From here on it gets a little less child-appropriate, enjoy, hehe)

The fresh sheets felt cold and soft on my skin. ‘You, Miss, must have had too much wine. As your Professor, it would be irresponsible to let you go home like this. You will have to spend the night here, let me help you with that.’  He started to zip my pants open and I pretended to resist for a little before taking of my shirt myself. Rayan stared at me for a moment, and even though his face had a soft expression, his eyes were already hungry to undress the rest of me. I helped him get rid of the remaining layers of his clothes until we were both only in underwear. I dragged him to me on the mattrass while kissing him passionately. He responded with even more passion which let me moan lustfully. This man made me go crazy. His lips moved downwards along my neck to my breasts and caressed them gently. In an instant wave of arousal, I dug my fingers into his muscular back. Then slowly but eagerly, my hands wandered down to his boxershorts, only to feel the outline of his erection pulsating. When I stroked the material of his boxershorts, he moaned lustfully and his lips found my lips again. With a quick hand movement, I freed his penis from the texile and stroked it with both hands. In the blink of an eye, Rayan got up to get rid of his boxershorts comepletly. While staring at the beautiful sight, a wave of lust overcame me and I had to get rid of all remaining texile as well. Rayan took a little wrapper from the top drawer of his night stand before lowering his head between my legs. For a split second, I felt as if my world was going to explode with desire as his tongue started carassing my most private parts. My fingers entangeled in his hair, ‘Ra-rayan…I-I want you so bad.’ Rayan stopped what he was doing and with one hand touched my cheek while with the other unrolled the condom on his penis. He leaned over me and kissed me. I could taste myself and him at the same time which made me go even wilder, longing for that sweet release. With one push, Rayan had entered me which made both of us moan simultaneously. He looked at me for reassurance but I just kissed him with all my love while he started moving inside me. It was official, every fiber of my body was hopelessly devoted to this man and every move he made. The sweet ecstasy I felt when I was around him was like a drug that had me completely hooked. After an intense eternity that yet felt like it lasted for only a heartbeat, Rayan and I reached our climax at the same time and fell next to each other, heavingly breathing and sweating.

(Everything innocent from here on)

His hands located mine and our fingers crossed. ‘I have never felt like that with anyone.’, he said. I looked at him softly, ‘Me neither’. I truly meant it. After lying there for a while, Rayan got up to shower and laid a fresh towel on the bed for me. I heared the water dripping from the bathroom and followed him, the towel in one hand. He was rinsing off the sweat, when I stepped into the shower cabin and hugged him from behind. His skin was still burning hot but the cold water refreshed me as well. After the shower, we decided to sleep and he offered me one of his shirts to sleep in. While he was brushing his teeth, I snug under the blankets, trying to realize everything that had happened today and how our relationship developed. I didn’t care that we would have to keep it private because if this was private, then it was all I needed. Just me and him together, that was all that mattered. And while I snoozed off, I noticed Rayan’s arms gently wrapping around me, holding me tight. The vacation was off to a good start.

[lenguadegatong]

I, Me and Myself

I

            I learned how to read at age 2, way before I started going to school. My grandmother, who used to be a teacher, liked to focus on me because I was the first grandchild she lived under the same roof with. I remember my afternoons spent training how to read and write. Books introduced me to life and are of my earliest memories.

           My family noticed my intellectual capabilities early. I showed promise by always being at the top of the class. And with that, came the expectations. Upon seeing my potential, my grandmother grew even more brutal in her tutorial methods to make sure I keep my top spot. Do not get me wrong: I am grateful to be shaped as an achiever, but sometimes I wish I was not the one burdened with being perfect.

           I imbibed the competitiveness I was fed as a child. Failure was not an option. The family will only be delighted of me if I get high grades. Scratch that. They will only be delighted if I get higher grades than everybody else. I dreaded to hear things like you weren’t studying enough. It drilled a message in my head; I am of next to no importance if I am not the smartest.

           6th grade was the hardest period of my life. My father had died 11 days after my birthday. I was struggling to keep the top spot in school. When the deliberation was done, I was graduating as the 3rd honors. I was devastated, especially because the family took it hard. Along with my disappointment towards myself was the disappointment I felt towards them. They never appreciated my efforts and only cared about results. I realized I would never be able to satisfy their expectations; the least I could do was satisfy my own.

           After moving to a different place with only my mother and sister, I slowly felt the chains weighing me down, let me go. I still do feel the burden of wanting to be the best, but I have learned to be happy with my best.

Me

           “You should get out of your shell. You waste your potentials being all shy like that.” This was the advice my English teacher told me when I was younger. Ever since then, I tried to make myself outgoing. It made it my mission to have more friends, and to be honest, I am not quite sure I made the right decision.

           I usually tailor my behavior according to the group of people I am with. Having such different ways of interacting with people I call friends is the reason why I feel like nobody actually knows who I really am. I admit: I got plagued with dark thoughts when I was younger. I did not really have anyone I trust and my family constantly disappointed me for treating me like I am only worth anything when I am at the top. I was 14 years old when I felt like I met the person I could trust. However, somewhere along the day-to-night conversations, I realized I was the only one who thought we were such close friends. I felt like he was just humoring me. We eventually drifted apart and stopped talking altogether and it was then that I decided to never reveal my vulnerabilities. I did not want to feel like an unimportant person again. It was best to just keep myself closed off.

           I never speak of my thoughts and secrets to anyone, not even to my mother and sister. It actually makes me sad that I do not have anyone I can call my best friend. However, it is better than to feel like someone will let me down anytime soon. At least with myself, I would not have to worry about being vulnerable.

           Deep inside, though, I yearn to find the person I will not worry being vulnerable to. I am horribly closeted-romantic. I love reading stories and watching films about love. It doesn’t matter if it ends bad or good: I am addicted to it. It is the only way for me to feel alive.

Myself

           Up to now, I am still not sure where I want to go from here. All I know is I love stories. Books are what introduced me to life and its stories are what I live by. I can probably write books, or maybe venture into filmmaking. The way is still unclear from where I stand, but it is okay. It is okay to be unsure sometimes. As long as I am doing something I love, I do not think I will ever lose my way.

           What scares me more than the uncertainty of life is death. I am afraid of the inevitable end. I am afraid to die an unaccomplished woman, an unaccomplished person. I am afraid that I would not be able to experience the things I want. Which is why, even though I am quite the coward, I push myself out of my comfort zone. I try to challenge myself to try new things. I also try to be more opinionated and fight for what I believe is right. I live by the words from the Elder Edda: “a coward thinks he could live forever, if only he can shun warfare.” Evading from conflict will not give me eternal life, so I might as well choose to fight for the battles worth fighting for.

           What I really want out of life, before the darkness takes me, is to be happy and content. I want to be able to look back at my life and say that “that was fun”. I want to give my mother and sister a comfortable life. I want to work with stories and breathe life into discontent people the same way stories breathe life into me. I want to fall completely and utterly in love. I want to be absolutely helpless that the only thing I can do is love.

           And until then, I guess I will just be me.