#i would also say tho if that someone did manage to get a COMPLETE read on him from the get go . and not just that but accept and embrace .

[stagehunt]

i think that an easy relationship ( not strictly romantic either ) is something that would lead to such an ... exposing revelation for aven. he doesn't know he wants or needs that. someone close to him who's terms of acquaintance aren't built around layer after layer of mistrust, altercation and reconciliation, vagueness, distance, any of his usual DRAMA so to speak. someone who he can look back and realise, in retrospect, was always on his side. and yes he negates any opportunity for this by nature, yes he pushes people away and a lot of the time ensures that they don't really want to like him, yes he makes it ridiculously hard to know him beyond the embellished surface level. but oh my god if someone somehow was capable of sidestepping all of that they would be sacred to him in a way he wouldn't expect. this is literally just wishful thinking because he makes everything so fucking difficult but. man fgkjhgkjhd

[damiansgoodgirll]

Kylian x lawyer reader where he hires a lawyer to help him sign for Real Madrid please🫶🏼

kylian in madrid i don’t know how it makes me feel haha, i wish him the best btw (my heart is in paris with him tho…), honestly i’m manifesting that he joins juventus LOL i’m delusional

also i’m a bit ignorant on how football contract deals work so don’t mind if this is not 100% accurate to reality!

kylian mbappe x lawyer reader

real madrid?

you were shocked when you found out that you and your colleague got selected for helping a certain football player with his new contract deal. you thought that maybe it was his first time signing so probably he wasn’t an expert - not that you were too - but you were quite amused and shocked when you’ve been told that the football player that needed your help was the kylian mbappè.

his previous lawyer couldn’t help him because he had a very important case to take care of so he suggested your firm.

you were working for a very important firm in paris, so it was easy when people needed help because everyone knew you in paris. and everyone means everyone because that’s how kylian mbappè found you.

you’ve never worked on any football deal, nor your colleague did, so you were both a little nervous but you’ve been told about that the only thing you needed to do was reading and explaining the contract to kylian in case he couldn’t understand certain terms or words.

it sounded pretty easy.

expect no one told you that you had to be flying to madrid. your colleague couldn’t go as it was last minute and she had no idea how to manage her child if she was in madrid so she let you go all by yourself. saying that you were terrified was almost like a completely, no, you were shitting in your pants.

once you arrived in madrid you saw a private car waiting for you. that car got you to the hotel that kylian’s manager booked for you and the driver told you that he would be back in two hours to get you and to bring you to the offices where you would be meeting kylian.

you were not gonna lie, you were nervous to meet him. you always admired him, maybe you weren’t a football fan but you knew who he was, everyone knew who he was and you always had a soft spot for him. he always looked so nice and kind with the fans that made him seems like a completely normal person and not the famous football player the whole world knows.

you showered and got ready. opting for a very professional but at the same time very comfortable green dress, you finished to get ready and headed out where you saw the car waiting for you once again.

when you arrived to the structure you saw some people from kylian’s crew waiting for you. they all introduced himself and led you to the room where kylian was waiting his father and his procurator. you honestly had no idea who other else was in the room, you thought managers from real madrid since it was the team kylian was going to sign to but you had no idea and you didn’t ask.

the moment you entered the room and introduced yourself kylian’s eyes lightened up. he was waiting for the usual old and boring lawyer so he was surprised when he saw someone pretty and young as you.

“hello…” he waved at you, almost looking too shy.

“hi, i’m y/n, i’ll be the lawyer who will follow your deal today” you introduced yourself with a very bright smile.

kylian swore he fell in love. he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you and you felt his look on you.

when kylian’s procurator was reading the contract he pretended to not know some words - some very basic words - only because he wanted to hear your voice. even his father knew he was doing it on purpose just to have your attention.

“kylian, you know this word…” his father remarked.

“well i forgot” he said, looking back at his dad.

the man simply nodded, losing all the patience he had. you knew kylian was doing it on purpose and honestly you found it funny. usually this things are boring, long contracts only for a two second signs at the end.

when everything was done, kylian took al the pictures he had too but rushed away when he saw you were going back to the car. that was your job for the day and the next morning you would be flying back in paris when kylian was going to stay in madrid, so why did you feel nostalgic for a person you met a few hours ago?

“hey!” you heard his voice calling you.

“oh hi, is everything okay?” you asked him.

“yes, yes everything okay, i was wondering if you…well, if you aren’t busy if you would like to have lunch with me?” he asked a little embarrassed and that made you smile.

“sure, why not!”

he brought you to this little cute bar in madrid where you had probably one of the best dish you’ve ever eaten in your life. you began chatting about your lives, your hobbies, what you liked and what you didn’t and in reality you had a lot of things in common.

who would have thought that from a simple causal job you had took it could have started this amazing friendship between the two of you? or maybe something more than friendship…

[max-nico]

Sonic World Building Headcanons

For the soul

Any fic of mine that you read uses all or almost all of these Headcanons btw

Covering your hands and feet is the equivalent of covering yourself for decency. It's taboo to talk about what someone's hands look like if you've seen them before

Fingerless gloves give the same vibe as micro skirts and sheer tops with nothing underneath

All (or at least most) Mobians/anthropomorphic animals start off showing a lot more animalistic traits. For example, young children might sniff each other in greeting or get territorial over their bedroom or house

Children who go to school get taught to use their "grown up instincts" and essentially get trained to be "normal"

There are Mobians who are outliers of course, Knuckles for example grew up secluded on a floating island. Over the years he's learned how to fit in better with the general populace but he still comes off as very naive, or not mentally developed (I probably should just say what autistic look like to neurotypicals huh)

Shadow would be an even more extreme example since he's literally an alien

Because of this, kids aren't allowed to move up a grade if they're smart enough to test out, like Tails. If they did that, they would miss crucial developmental skills specifically targeted toward their instincts

Different types of Mobians need different types of diets. For example, spider Mobians can't have mint period. Whether artificial or real. Unless they had been fed little bits of mint at a young age to build up the immunity by the time they reach adulthood

In the comforts of their own home most Mobians fall back on their animalistic traits. Like cat types purring in the sunlight or bird types preening their feathers

It's rude to refer to people as their species. Not like, super offensive, just rude. (Ex. Shadow refers to Sonic as "hedgehog")

Most Mobians aren't one type of animal, most are mixed between two or more. For example, someone mixed with a jackal and a raccoon. Which one they get referred to depends first on appearance, so sometimes children don't get classified until three or four. If they truly look like a 50/50 split between the two species then they get DNA testing done and are referred to as whichever one is higher

The village Tails comes from is a small village completely comprised of Mobians from the canidae family, small villages being completely one animal family is regular, but cities being this way is unheard-of

Sonic is a famous hero and does have a heavily filled bank account. Not because he asked of course, but because of public outrage when he off handedly mentioned he doesn't get paid for saving the world

Off topic, but Tails manages the bank account because he uses the most of the money. Inventions aren't cheap. Any bills they have are on auto pay so they don't worry about them.

Most Mobians are left handed

Okay, I don't really like humans in the Sonic world. If I had my way the Robotniks would be robins, Maria would be a mixture of hedgehog and bird in a way that's off putting to Mobians but we would think looks cool, that being said she'd be classified as a hedgehog

Anyway, this is not the case and humans do exist. In my head there're three different planets, one with humans, one with Mobians, and one with humans + Mobians

That being said, I think space travel isn't a super regular thing for Mobians to do but it's not unheard of. It's probably just super expensive if anything

Aliens are still fucking crazy to them tho

Some companies/governments (like GUN) span across two or more planets

There's generally a lot of animosity between Mobians and humans but in like a modern day racism (specism??) way and it is not the Mobians fault

Money also works differently Mobians (don't ask me how it works tho I got no fucking clue man), and a lot of the time Mobians just exchange favors for favors

Character Headcanons pertaining to world building

Reiterating: Sonic is famous and gets money transferred to his(read Tails') bank account. Tails village is full of dingos, foxes, jackals, wolves, coyotes, even some dogs.

Most of Sonic's friends are pretty loaded tbh. Obviously team rose, team dark, and team Sonic make the most money, but you know.. details

Very few things tip people off to Shadow being an alien. Like yeah he has canines but he might just be mixed species? He's right handed but some people just are so that's normal. Yeah he might hiss in public but you don't know his life. Maybe he can't control it.

I headcanon Amy as a hedgehog/echidna mix, but she simply looks more like a hedgehog in the face and body, but her quills are what really give her mixed heritage away (I am projecting)

Depending on which continuity you're looking at, Sonic was taught to control his instincts either from an orphanage, his uncle, his mom, or some secret 4 thing I'm forgetting.

He doesn't teach Tails about the whole instincts thing, but Tails has always been in a rush to grow up. He's smart and observant, he's the king of repressing them instead of learning at a slow and more natural pace that won't hurt him in the long run

Cream and Amy are the most socially competent by a longshot. Rouge could be if she, first of all, didn't spend so much time with Shadow and Omega, and also didn't find it funny to act like she does.

Okay, that's it for now. If I think of more I'll reblog the post with another headcanon, otherwise please add your own. I love headcanons, please let me add them to my arsenal. You're welcome to message me or go to my asks box as well as long as your nicest to me <3

I'm eventually going to do a post detailing what I think social media is like in the Sonic world.

If you have any headcanons put them in the tags, reply, or my ask box ! Any character you want me to focus on ? Message me, or hit my ask box ! Suggestions are always welcome .

[smilingangel582]

HOLY CRAP THAT WAS SO GOOD AND YOU WROUGHT IT OUT IN SUCH A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME ALSO YES LYNEY STICKING OUT HIS RING IS ADORABLE

MY ENERGY WHILE READING THIS WENT FROM:⬇️⬇️⬇️ TO⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

Thank you have a good day

-Pepper 🫑 anon

Hehe thanks, honestly I happened to be in a lee! Lyney mood. Plus ever since the rainbow rose incident I'm hyped for it. Thank u for requesting and its totally fine! Be rude as u may! I will feel bad If I leave my anons alone. I'm still learning how tickle blogs even work hehehe.

Anyway enjoy this gift as well. I'll have properly organise anon asks and even fics in my next post so stand by guys.

Enjoyyy~

Never underestimate the greatest magician of fontaine

This is too cute <lil Aether's reaction!>

It's hard for Aether to concentrate on his commisons when he felt eyes have been hovering over him behind his back.

Was it an enemy? Not even Piamon sense such a hawk eye vision under him. Like the spotlight of attention.

He heard Paimon saying something about eating at the restaurant since she got a monstrous appetite.

She proceeded ahead while Aether counted his mora with a slight grimace. Still, who is he to deny a Paimon. Then, upon the arrival, he watched Paimon corner herself with piles of macaroons and fonta. The sweet tooth seemed to tempt even Aether to eat some, though he wanted specifically hungry. Paimon stuffed her face saying something with filled up cheeks.

His gaze shifted to the corner, where he felt himself being watched once again. Its nerve wrecking.

They were at a peaceful corner completely invisible to the crowd except the waitress.

Maybe he was paranoid. There's no way someone was that keen to see him, if that's the case they could approach him.

"Paimons gonna order seconds and something spicy for sure"

"H-hey, control yourself and consider the expenses at least"

She waved off. "Fine, fine Paimon will be careful"

She was off, and he sighed, but it was short-lived when a touch of warm breath reached his ear he flinched away. "Well, fancy seeing you here, Aether."

Struggling to look up, the figure sat back down, and it was no doubt Lyney the magician. How did he get here? He could've sworn Lyney wasn't in this restaurant before. He really is a magician.

"Hey, Lyney, didn't expect to see you hear, what's up?"

It's almost as if he asked a penalty question, and Lyney snickered adorably "Why indeed? I just want to pay off a debt I couldn't repay"

"O-Oh, who would that be?"

"You"

Huh? What debt? And was he really expecting payment from Lyney-

"Eek!" He almost shrieked when cold fingers grabbed his bare sides. Thankfully, for Aether, nobody heard it through the loud chatters of other gentlemen. He let out a sigh of wavery relief now.

Hissing desperately, he grabbed those wrists. "N-not hehehere Lyney... I thohohought-!"

"You thought what? I'll not get revenge at the times you least expect?" He manage to break free from the traveller's hold only to pinch his exposed belly.

This drove Aether nuts as he leaned back against the chair, evading those cruel fingers.

Paimon is sure taking her time ordering, and that was suspicious enough, tho that was the least of his worries. He knew Lyney would get revenge, but to come all the way here stalking him and surprising him is a bit much.

"You sure one to talk considering how you keep your sensitive spots in the open"

"Thahahat ihihis wehehell -Ahaha Lynehehehey! Yohohohou!"

There were some suspicious looks in their directions, and it was certainly brief, but Lyney had to stop and avoid getting attention. He took a mere look back only to see Paimon and Lynette having a bargain of their own.

Those two sure have a lot to talk about... Lyney thought with a wry smile.

"Ahahalright thahahats enohohohough!"

In a sudden twist of fate Aether was able to reach over and tickle Lyney's armpits who squeaked in surprise.

"Nohohot thehehere!"

"Like I sahahaid, you were asking for it"

Seems he was more ticklish, but he had to reach for Aethers' sides again just to stop him momentarily.

Though they had a secure corner they were all struggling an evenly matched war. Aether seemed to be having a bit of an advantage with Lyney's sensitivity although he had exposed his vulnerable sides as a price. He felt his own cheeks blush from the thrill.

Lyney being beneath soon pushed forward only to tickle back his ear, which he deduced was sensitive since the beginning.

It was a bit of a wave change as Aether suddenly shrilled, making them both stop from that startled sound.

The crowd definitely heard that but they couldn't tell who it was. They all turned around, even Aether blushed hard while closing his mouth.

Lyney pursed his trembling lips, the cute sound was too hilarious that he lowered his head to hide the giggles.

"Not fair!" He growled now, nudging his side till he flinched away from the playful touch. He shook his head now. "Sohorry thahat sound was... -ahahaha oh my gohohod, I gotta rehehehember thihis"

"I thought I told you guys to talk, not mess around with each other" the calm tone of Lynette made them both look up.

Aether sighed. "No wonder, you distracted Paimon, thanks for indulging her"

She smiled cordially, "sure"

Lyney sighed now wiping a tear "If we actuallt had an all out tickle war I'd straight go for the ear"

Frowned as he felt embarrassed, he huffed "Yeah well don't forget you made a similar noise to your thighs so... don't get cocky"

Chuckling at their game play, Lynette watched Paimon arrived with a large serve of meals in each palm. She tossed to the table now gasping in delight "Man this is Paimon's best day ever!"

Lyney anxiously turned to his sister "Uh, sis... might I ask who's paying for all that?"

She casually took out his wallet now, without any proper expression to tease him further, "You, of course... your the magician here"

His heart clutches now, graoning "oh fine"

Aether patted his shoulder with assurance. "Let's split the cost, I kinda owe you too"

..............................

Btw I hope u don't mind it, I made it a switch because... I'm kinda lee!lyney obsessed, hehehe

Thank u everyone enjoy this!

Ding ding~

[awooghan]

24 to 25 ✧.* y.ji (part two)

➳ PAIRING: jeongin x fem!reader

➳ GENRE: fluff, angst, childhood friends to lovers, christmas

➳ WARNINGS: mild language, mentions of food, long as hell, i put the ‘slow’ in slowburn (in my defense this trope does not work without it), i’ve checked like 1922847473 times for inconsistencies but if there are any pls be nice it’s my first long fic ;w; also you can slowly see the quality of my writing decline in the end im sorry 😭

➳ WORD COUNT: 47.7k (part one: 25.9k; part two: 21.8k) i'm so sorry

➳ SUMMARY: “stay for christmas?” was a phrase jeongin first uttered to you when you were both ten years old, but neither of you had any idea the bond those three little words would hold as the years go by. (inspired by “24 to 25” by stray kids)

➳ NOTES: IT’S FINALLY UP!! i’m so sorry for the wait, i really really wanted to get this right and it took me wayyy longer than i thought it would. but i love how it turned out and i'm so proud of it. i hope y’all enjoy :’)

i’ll include more to the note when i'm not in such a rush to get this posted but tysm to everyone who helped me in writing it! @crispy-chan jas thank you for beta reading (i’m so sorry it was so long) your comments were really sweet and really reassured me that i was doing okay &lt;;33 thank u @pearleechai and @gloseoks for helping me out with that one part i got stuck on for like a week lmaooo. to elsa specifically, ty for all ur help and encouragement in the couple chapters i asked for help on :D i’m sorry it meant u had some of the fic spoiled for u tho ;w; lastly, @svtbabies hopie u have been my lifesaver from start to finish w this fic. thank u so so much for planning w me and for the multiple times you’ve saved me from a huge writer’s block. i wouldn’t have been able to complete this without you, so ty for everything <33 also ty for the banner lol

➳ IMPORTANT!!! this fic is so long that i have to split it into two parts. i'd use the legacy editor but i can't toggle btwn the two anymore 😭 i did not intend for it to be this lengthy but anything for childhood friends to lovers i guess. PLEASE READ PART ONE FIRST.

part one | [part two]

network tags: @straykidsland

taglist: @hafsa-hoofsa-heefs @crow953 @urmomma0324 @tasmtrilogy

20.

Regardless of how desperately you wanted to enjoy Christmastime like you'd usually do, you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it this year.

You had long broken up with Heeseung, and while it did hurt immensely to begin with, it still persisted as a dull ache. You’re a little bummed you couldn’t indulge in your Christmas romance fantasies this year, but you figured you’d manage. You know that wasn't everything in a relationship; it was just a bonus, especially for someone like you.

But what does feel unbearable this year had nothing to do with love or romance. All you could think about was last year and the way Jeongin had left. 

It plagued your mind for weeks after that night, on whether or not you should have stayed and spent your time with Jeongin instead of bringing Heeseung to Jisung's Christmas party. Nevertheless, you had to remind yourself that you didn't know Jeongin had planned to leave that night—and no matter how much you wanted to, you couldn't go back and change the past. 

You couldn't tell if you resented Jeongin for what he did, or if you blame yourself for not listening to him. All the times he wanted to speak to you last year—maybe even to tell you, you just cut him off, too caught up in your new romance with Heeseung to even notice what Jeongin wanted to say.

Perhaps this was what you deserved for trying to follow Jisung’s advice when you were sixteen. “Date and move on,” he said. There was nothing to move on from, but you still tried it anyway.

And look where that got you.

Your original plan had been to stay nestled up in the comforts of your bed, watching whatever trash Hallmark had put out this year as you drank an atrocious amount of hot chocolate to comfort yourself. You were tempted to avoid Christmas plans altogether, especially when all the neighborhood party would do was remind you of Jeongin..

However, Jisung, the persistent fool that he was, wouldn't let that happen. Not when you could be watching laughable Christmas movies with him and his, and now your, friends. 

Felix and Hyunjin are squished together on the loveseat in Jisung's apartment, not that Felix seemed to mind as it gave him an excuse to cuddle someone. Seungmin is positioned on the floor, his legs crossed under the coffee table as he picks away at what little snacks remained in the bowls Jisung had laid out earlier. And you were lazily stretched out across the sofa, your head in Jisung's lap. Since Jisung was the one that dragged you out of bed, he was going to have to put up with your grumpy state.

"What do we watch next?" Felix calls out as the end credits of the Elf roll across the screen. He casually scans the room for your responses, his arms wrapped loosely around Hyunjin's waist. 

"The Grinch?" Seungmin suggests before Hyunjin quickly follows up with A Charlie Brown Christmas.

You pout. All of those sound good but you’d be lying if you said you were in a particular mood for any of them. It almost crushed you to say that, as they had brought you so much joy in the past, but none of them seemed to cut it this year. 

A few seconds passes by and you decide to speak up, throwing in a suggestion of your own. 

"Are there any Christmas animes? Why don't we watch those instead of a movie?" 

A deafening silence fills the room at your suggestion. The boys exchange confused glances with each other, and you begin to wonder if you said something wrong. If there were Christmas cartoons, surely there’d be Christmas animes, right? But your thoughts are quickly cut short when you hear Jisung gasp rather loudly. 

"Oh, so NOW you want to get into anime?!" 

Your frown deepens and you hit Jisung's thigh with your fist. "Shut up, it was just a suggestion." 

Another silence hangs in the room and the other three boys watch you silently like hawks, as if they were ready to pounce on you at the next move you’d make. You hate how small you feel under their piercing stares, and you shuffle to the other side of the couch in hopes that they’d stop.

"This isn't because you miss a certain person, is it?” Jisung chirps in a teasing tone. He crawls over to your end of the couch, a grin pulling at his lips as he pokes at your cheek repeatedly. “Is that why you're all Scrooge McDuck?" 

You jerk your head away and shove his hand back, letting out a strangled groan. "Oh my god, Jeongin has nothing to do with this! and it’s Ebenezer Scrooge!" 

Jisung snorts, crossing his arms over his chest. "I never said Jeongin's name." 

"He got you there, just saying." Felix chimes in with a shrug. 

You huffed frustratedly, spluttering, "I– this– this isn't about Jeongin, and this isn't about Heeseung either. can we just move on from this already?" 

"You know it's okay to miss him, right?” Hyunjin says, his voice soft. “You’re not doing anything wrong." 

"I never said that!" you groan again, raising your voice slightly. "I can’t suggest an anime because you guys assume I miss someone? Can I not do anything without you guys thinking it’s about a boy?!”

"Well, you never even mentioned anime once until now,” Seungmin points out, “the only reason you would is because of Jeongin—”

“It’s not about Jeongin!” you snap, burying your face in your hands in defeat. “God, I hate men.”

A chorus of offended ‘hey’s echo throughout the room which causes your eyes to roll. 

"After all this time? after all these years, sugarplum?" Jisung gasps, his hand over his heart in feigned offense. 

"Oh my god, you know what's not what I mean, Jisung," you huff, grabbing your phone from the coffee table as you stand up. "I'm going to get us more snacks, I hate this." 

You carry yourself to the kitchen and from behind you, you hear Jisung call out, "But you haven't taken the bowls with you!”

Without turning back, you make a face to yourself. "I'll just get new ones," you respond blankly.

The kitchen was a break you so desperately needed. While you could still hear the boys chatting in the living room, it was just muffled enough to keep your mind at ease. you thought you could get away with Jisung not mentioning Jeongin, but maybe you had put too much faith in him. 

You didn't mean it, really, but sometimes it got to be a lot. 

You unlock your phone and staring back at you is a photo you knew you should have changed earlier, but something inside of you just couldn't bring yourself to do it. 

It was an old selfie of you and Jeongin, one you had to beg him to take in the first place a few years prior. You both had your large winter coats on and his arm hung loosely around your shoulders as you both grinned into the camera. In the picture, you had a light blush on your cheeks—presumably from the cold—but deep down you knew otherwise. 

You brought up his contact. This photo was one where he isn't looking at you, but he’s still holding up a peace sign. Just the look of it and the memory of that day flashes in your mind, making you chuckle. 

Clicking on the text conversation, you're met with the last text you had sent him months and months ago, the small seen tick making you frown. 

I miss you... you type out the words slowly. Your thumb hovered over the send key, but you can’t bring yourself to press down.

The glassy feeling in your eyes appears and you blink the tears away rapidly as you let your finger fall on the backspace key, completely erasing the message before you lock your phone once more. 

What you didn't know was in his dorm room, bundled up in blankets like a burrito was Jeongin as he hopelessly scrolled through his phone. he had stumbled across a photo of Christmas lights that reminded him of you, and it took every ounce of his being to stop himself from sending it to you, finding himself scrolling through your message history instead. How could he text you so casually after what he did? Afterjust leaving like that without so much as a proper goodbye?

He watches your typing symbol come up at the bottom, only to have it disappear moments later—leaving him just as despair-ridden as you.

21.

You lost track of how long you had been cuddling against Yeonjun’s chest as Die Hard played on the tv. You had wanted a Christmas film, an actual Christmas film, however, Yeonjun was adamant that this did, in fact, count, as it happened around Christmas day. 

You gaze up at Yeonjun, your eyes lingering on his own. You smile at how much focus he has on the movie, to the point where he’s hardly blinking. 

You originally knew Yeonjun from your neighborhood, which kind of makes things go full circle for you in a way. Him being an older kid, though, meant that you never had a reason to know him personally or even have a chance to talk to him. He stuck with his group, and you stuck with yours. 

But in a weird twist of fate, you met again when you got a part-time job at a small family restaurant just off of your university campus. After a few awkward conversations and some catching up, you both seemed to warm up to each other and Yeonjun soon asked you out on a date… you happily said yes.

Yeonjun is amazing. He's patient with you, smiles at you like you light up the whole sky, looks after you when you feel ill, he takes you on adventures at midnight for snacks just because you mentioned you were hungry. 

He’s, on paper, your dream guy. Handsome, understanding, open and caring. You like him, you really do. Yet, it always feels like something's missing—but you can never put your finger on what.

The end credits of Die Hard roll across the screen, causing you to lift your weight from off of Yeonjun and stretch your arms out around you. 

“I should get home,” you yawn, causing Yeonjun to pout slightly. 

He reaches out to grab your hand as he whines. “Do you have to?” 

You match his pout, nodding your head slowly. “Yeah, I should get back before it snows.” 

“You don’t have to,” Yeonjun muses, and you watch the corners of his mouth twitch into a hopeful smile. “You could… stay over for Christmas? What do you think?”

Your breath hitches at his words, stiffening like a board as you stare at him with wide eyes.

“Stay… over for Christmas?”

He seems to notice the hesitation in your voice, and he begins to rub gentle circles with his thumb on the back of your hand.

“Think about it,” Yeonjun continues, “waking up together on Christmas day? It would be so cute!” he grins. You could practically see the tiny hearts floating about his head. 

Stay over for Christmas. He doesn't know about it, but the whole sentence makes you feel uneasy. The implications and everything they bring with them—not to mention all the memories they invoke—are too much for you to handle at that moment. Not that you’d be the first to admit it

“I— I shouldn’t,” you start, your heart hurting as Yeonjun’s lips twist into a frown. “Baby, Soobin’s here and I don’t want to make things awkward for you by intruding.” 

Yeonjun sits up suddenly, his fingers linking with your own. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind, plus he enjoys your company. Not as much as I do, obviously,” Yeonjun cheekily grins at his words, sending a wink your way.

You huff a laugh. “Regardless,” you say with a roll of your eyes, “I... I don’t think I feel comfortable staying here yet.” Your own frown seems to match his. “So I'd rather get back before it starts snowing.” Your shoulders drop and you focus on his fingers that are busy playing with your own. “I’m sorry.” 

One of Yeonjun’s hands moves from your fingers and delicately slides against your cheek, guiding your head so you’re looking up at him. Whilst you can see hints of sadness behind his eyes, his smile is one of comfort and understanding.

“Don’t be silly.” His smile grows. “I like you and we can go as slow or quick as you want.” His hand moves from your cheek as he lightly brushes your hair out of your face. “Don’t be scared to tell me, we’ll work through it together.” 

Your heart swells at his words and you lean into his touch, placing a small kiss on his palm. “You’re too sweet to me,” you mumble. 

He disagrees. “No, it’s just the decent thing everyone should do, They're your boundaries, I’m not going to be an idiot and push them.” 

“How did I find you?” You wonder aloud. His cheeks tint red and his smile somehow grows even wider than before. 

“No, no, how did I find you?” 

Your foreheads lean against one another, and you can feel his breath ever-so-slightly tickle your skin. 

“Can you guys stop being disgusting now?” a voice huffs from behind you two.

You and Yeonjun jump apart from each other and you turn to see his roommate, Soobin, standing with a scowl plastered on his face, an empty cereal bowl in hand. 

Yeonjun grumbles to himself, muttering ‘You're just jealous,’ as he grabs your hand, guiding you past Soobin and towards his dorm room door. At the same time, you quickly call out a goodbye to Soobin and Yeonjun sighs sadly when you both stop at his door. 

He pulls you close and you can feel his body heat seeping into you. It almost, almost, makes you want to stay, as you would rather be in the warm arms of your boyfriend than face the ten-minute walk home in the cold.

“Text me when you get home?” Yeonjun asks into your shoulder and you hum in response. 

“I will." 

Before you pull away completely, Yeonjun places a light kiss onto the side of your lips, leaving you open to steal one right back. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” this time Yeonjun is the one to hum. A small smile plays at his lips. “I love you.” 

You still for a moment at his words. You should say them back—you know you should—but you just can’t. They’re on the tip of your tongue and yet you fall silent instead. You settle for stealing another kiss from him and reaffirming your words from earlier, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You can tell his smile is dripping in sadness, but you're unable to bring yourself to utter the words he so desperately wants to hear back from you. You look back and wave for a final time before you exit the hallway that leads you to the elevators and out of the building. 

When you finally make your way outside, you take a deep breath; it feels almost like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders. The pressure of staying over with Yeonjun is gone. But now in its place is another burden you’re not ready to think about. It had started creeping into the back of your mind the moment he said those words—a reminder of times gone by. Of another boy with dark hair and eyes that sparkled and those same, fateful words.

As you walk home, you shake your head, trying to push back the tears already threatening to cloud your vision. You’ve spent too long shoving down and ignoring those feelings just to ruin everything now by bringing them back up. You aren’t ready to think about it now and, as you look up at the clear, cloudless sky, you’re not sure if you ever will be.

It did not snow that winter. Not a single flake fell from the sky. 

22.

After years of not going to the neighborhood Christmas party, it feels weird to be back.

The party happens to be at Yeonjun’s family’s house this year, and once Yeonjun found this out, he jumped at the chance to introduce you to his family. You couldn’t help but smile at the hope swirling in his eyes that day as he gushed about how much they’ll love you.

But being the sweetheart that he is, he definitely noticed the doubt swimming in your eyes. He tried his best to reassure you, telling you how sweet his family is and how excited they are to finally meet you. 

That’s what wins you over, and now you’re here. The feeling of being home, or, at least, a few houses away from it, brings a warm feeling to your chest. To be able to spend it with your lovely boyfriend only deepens the feeling.

In a weird way, though, you notice bits and bits, just minor details that others seem to gloss over, that only tug at your heartstrings. From the movie playing on the flatscreen, to the gingerbread house tha’s about to be devoured by a wide-eyed seven-year-old, it brings this feeling of nostalgia that you can’t quite shake off. The more the night goes on, the more it seems to eat at you.

If you didn’t already think this was some weird full circle moment of sorts, you definitely do now.

Everywhere you look, all you seem to get is mirages of past times. Faint traces of Jeongin linger in the crevices of your mind. Even if it had been two years since you last saw him, he stuck to your memories like glue. 

You tried your best to push those memories to the side—to push the ick you felt every time something that reminded you of those moments away, even if it did send a chill down your spine. 

But Yeonjun just had to utter those words. “Want to stay over for Christmas?” 

It made you physically pause, the words processing in your mind. Ten years worth of memories surf through your mind at lightning speed. The slight word change gives you the worst feeling in your stomach you have ever felt—it was like a huge pit of emotions had opened up inside of you. 

You take a breath and exhale it slowly. “Do you mean stay for Christmas?” 

“Stay for Christmas, stay over for Christmas,” Yeonjun sighs, “same thing.” 

“It’s different,” is all you can mumble in response. 

Yeonjun groans, leaning his weight onto his hands that are placed on the counter sides. 

“One word difference.” 

You snap to face him, a stern look making an appearance on your face. Your voice dripping with irritation, you say, “But there’s still a difference.” 

You can cut the sudden tension that arises with a knife and it’s like that is exactly what Yeonjun chooses to do. He stands straight, turning to you, and you can see how tense his jaw is—like he’s been holding everything in, and how it’s now about to burst open at the seams. 

“We’ve been together for over a year and you still can’t even stay over. And when I offer to spend Christmas with you because I know it’s your favorite time of year, you fight me on it.” Yeonjun runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “Is it because I’m the one that’s asking?” 

“What?” you gasp, shaking your head. “It���s just, it’s stay for Christmas. Not stay over, not stay with, it’s stay for Christmas.”  

Yeonjun squeezes his eyes shut, hand still in his hair. All you can do is stare at him, waiting for what he says next. Once he does open his eyes, you can see the fogginess as in them, and when he speaks again, you feel like you’re being torn in two.

“But I’m not Jeongin, I can’t ask in the way he would.” 

You open your mouth to speak, shocked at his words, but nothing comes out. 

“What does Jeongin have to do with this?” You question. “I like you because you’re you, Yeonjun, not because you’re someone else.” 

You both stand there, staring at each other and you can’t help but feel like neither of your words are sinking in. Like they were falling onto deaf ears. 

“Well what about the snow?” Yeonjun suddenly asks. Had he been spending too much time with Jisung? 

“Yeonjun, baby, it’s just the weather,” you look at him with soft eyes, but all it seems to do is break him more.

With a hiccup, he tries to keep his tears at bay, “Then how come it never happens when we’re together?” 

You have to look away from him, not because you don’t care, but because if you look at him any longer, tears would spill from your own eyes. It would only just make everything harder than it already is.

Yeonjun’s sniffles fill your ears and from the corner of your eye, you can see him wipe his tears away. Even when he takes a few steps towards you and takes one of your hands in his, you’re still unable to look at him in fear of breaking. 

“I’ll walk you home,” he whispers gently. 

You gaze at the floor and nod your head, squeezing the hand that held yours. He squeezes it right back in a silent understanding. It’s like you hear both of your hearts cracking like glass in the silence, but it was unlike any type of heartbreak you had ever felt before… 

It can’t compare to the heartbreak you had with Heeseung, or even the heartbreak you felt when Jeongin left. This is its own brand of heartbreak, one that would last and one that would carve itself into your heart, a cruel reminder that will follow you for all time.

The walk back to your apartment is a quiet one. Your fingers stay linked with Yeonjun’s, and every now and then, you’d squeeze each other’s hands to remind yourself of the moment—of the feeling of your hands entwined with each other. 

When you’re outside of your door, it’s bittersweet and it’s heartbreaking. And when Yeonjun reluctantly draws his hand away from yours, you want everything to chase after it with your own. 

This is when you finally look up at him. 

His eyes are red and fresh tears have prickled up in his eyes as soon as they meet yours. As soon as you see his tears, your eyes quickly well up to match his. 

“We should,” he hiccups. “We should take some time apart.” 

You squeeze your eyes shut, sniffling away the sob that crawls up your throat. You feel Yeonjun’s light kiss on your cheek, and that sob defies you, escaping your lips. 

When Yeonjun pulls away, he speaks softly, as if speaking any louder would break him completely. “We’re on different pages and we both deserve people who aren’t.”

His lips linger on your cheek, like a silent plea begging you not to let him move away, but to pull him closer. To tell him that you both could make whatever it is you called a relationship work. 

But you don’t, and he soon pulls away, the warmth of his lips is quickly replaced with a damp, cold breeze. 

You regret opening your eyes when you do because you’re met with Yeonjun’s own tears rolling down his face. With no attempt to stop them, Yeonjun hiccups and looks away from you. 

“I’ll see you around, Y/N,” his voice strains. 

As he walks away, you open your mouth to yell out for him, but nothing comes out when you try. You just watch as he slowly disappears down the hallway, his shoulders hunched, shuddering slightly every time a quiet sob escapes him. 

You can’t tell if you’re lucky or not when you enter the apartment and realize that Jisung isn’t home. On one hand, you wouldn’t have to cry in front of him—on the other, you really don’t want to cry on your own. 

You trudge your way to your room, a numbness overtaking your body. You crave the warmth of your blankets and can’t wait to let them hold you in comfort as you cry for the rest of the night. 

When your blankets are secured around you and long after the tears have dried out, you sit there in self pity. Your phone is staring up at you, and you somehow find your way to your camera roll. An album of photos of you and Yeonjun sits right by your recents, and you’re hesitant to click on it. But you do, and the collection of photos from the past year and a half makes your heart wrench all over again.

You wish the relationship didn’t end this way as badly as he did, if not more. Yeonjun was perfect in every way—sweet, understanding, patient—yet, somehow, it still wasn’t enough to keep you two together.

“But I’m not Jeongin.” His words echo in your mind as you swipe through all of your selfies with him. He’s right: he’s not Jeongin. But that shouldn’t have mattered… right?

“I can’t ask in the way he would.”  He can’t.

Or can he?

If he had not flubbed the iconic line, not even with the slightest one-word difference… would you be where you are right now?

You let your phone drop onto the mattress as you ponder. Burrowing yourself further into your blankets, you try to imagine Yeonjun saying the line correctly this time. ‘Stay for Christmas?’ he’d chirp, hope lighting up his beautiful brown eyes. ‘Stay for Christmas?’ he’d pipe, a pure smile pulling his soft lips upward.

But it doesn’t feel right.

No matter how you try to picture it, there’s something about those words leaving Yeonjun’s mouth that makes your stomach twist. As hard of a time as you gave him about getting the phrase wrong, imagining him getting it right almost feels worse.

Maybe he can’t pull it off like Jeongin can. Maybe he was missing the awkward little beat Jeongin always carried when he uttered those three little words. Maybe he lacked the sheepish glow Jeongin always seemed to have creep up his cheeks when he said it, regardless of how coolly he tried to pull it off. Don’t forget the way he’d stupidly wiggle his eyebrows at you, and the faint little giggle that followed as he scrunched up his nose in embarrassment.

It’s a charm you truly believe only Jeongin could pull off.

But it shouldn’t have mattered that much. Jeongin wasn’t your boyfriend—Yeonjun was. And it’s not like Yeonjun didn’t have his own charm to him. His was more classic romantic, per se—always showing up at your doorstep with roses and a sweet smile, surprising you with dinner, taking you out for midnight drives while you blast both of your favorite songs. He’s a true Romeo, a type of lover that only exists in the movies.

“But I’m not Jeongin.”

You can’t stop Yeonjun’s gut-wrenching words from haunting your mind. It’s like the toll of a bell, its low tone ringing in every corner of your skull, shaking every crevice of your brain. Really, it shouldn’t bother you this much. 

For starters, Jeongin is no Romeo. You’ve witnessed him try to be one firsthand—multiple times, actually. The keyword here is ‘try’.

There really were no suave, overly romantic elements to Jeongin, like there were for guys in the movies. He doesn’t need big gestures like flower bouquets bigger than your head to show that he cares. It’s all in the details, the smaller things he did, how he knew you nearly better than you did yourself. Taking you to see the lights all those years ago meant more to you than any grand movie gesture ever could have. Ultimately, he doesn’t need anything else because he is enough as it is. It’s a thought that slowly crept in over time and you never even noticed until it hit you like a brick. He’s not picture-perfect, but that’s not who you want him to be.

He’s just… Jeongin. 

A part of you wants to admit it, but maybe, just maybe, he and stay for Christmas were what pushed your love for Christmas and the winter season more. But now that he isn’t here, that’s why it isn’t the same. 

Because is there really a Christmas without Stay for Christmas?

The longer you stare at the folder, filled to the brim with photos of you and Yeonjun over the course of your relationship, the more unbearable it becomes. Your thumb hovers over the back button, soon letting fall against the screen. 

Scrolling away as far as you could from it, another folder that instantly causes a mountain of flashbacks appears. Giggling at the joke title you named the album, you stare at it for a moment. You aren’t sure when the last time you looked at this album was. 

As soon as you click on it, you’re hit with a wave of bittersweet nostalgia so hard, it almost hurts.

It’s a compilation of photos of you and Jeongin, dating back to when your parents handed you your first smartphone. You’re able to scroll so far back that you can find photos of Jeongin in that obnoxious purple sweater. Somehow, as you look at it in that moment, it doesn’t seem as obnoxious as it used to be… 

Maybe it had grown on you, like stay for Christmas had grown on Jeongin. 

And how pictures of Christmases before (and all-year-round photos) made your heart seem to swell in a way you hadn’t felt in a while. All the lights that grazed your presence when you were with him, all the longer-than-necessary hugs you two shared in the snow, even the thoughts, the memories of it, are like little static shocks sending metaphorical butterflies swarming around you. It plays at your chest like a flute and it makes you begin to wonder… if the thought of Yeonjun or actually being around Yeonjun, or even his touch, made you feel that way.

You’d think since Yeonjun is—was—your boyfriend, you wouldn’t have to think so hard for the answer. Yet here you are, comparing everything you felt with Jeongin to how you felt with Yeonjun over the past year. 

It opens up the box of feelings you’ve tried so hard to push away. This time though, there’s no stopping it as everything bubbles up and spills over. 

You continue looking through the photos of you and Jeongin, hardly noticing when the pictures start to blur slightly, fresh tears making their way down your cheeks. You missed him, you missed him so much it makes your chest hurt. There’s no denying that anymore, not that there was ever a point to it anyway. You missed everything about him, how he knew you like the back of his own hand to how effortless things had been between you two for so long. 

A teary smile makes its way onto your face, unable to stop the overwhelming warmth that tore through you as you gaze at one photo of you two. Jeongin had an arm slung over your shoulders, braces-covered smile beaming up at you from the screen. You had a grin to match, happy and effortless, without a care in the world. 

That’s how Jeongin had always made you feel, even during times when you had disagreements or fought over stupid things. At the end of the day, you always made your way back to him. Because ultimately, nobody else could make you feel the way he could—like you were safe, like you were home.

Eventually you ran out of photos to look through, and somehow you made your way to your messages, scrolling through and rereading old texts from Jeongin. 

i miss you… you type out, take a deep breath, and hit send.

Instantly, he responds, making your heart swirl treacherously. i miss you too.

A second later, another text appears from him, making one last wave of tears pool in your eyes. stay for christmas?

The timing truly couldn’t be any worse than this, but you can’t deny the real reason behind your outburst anymore. All the seemingly-random bursts of butterflies in your stomach when you were a teenager slowly start to make sense. All the times your heart would skip a beat whenever he looked at you a certain way, the telltale sense of warmth you felt when you were even around him; heck, the entire incident at the winter formal—it all adds up. 

There’s no denying who your heart yearns for anymore. And, if given the choice, there’s no denying which dark-haired boy you would live everything with all over again. No more running away, only running back to him—if only fate would let you.

wouldn’t miss it for the world.

23.

“Why so glum, chum?”

You barely move your head from where you’re curled up on the sofa to look at your roommate as he bounces into the living room. His overly energetic skips come to a halt right behind you and he looms his head above you, letting the corners of his mouth drag into an exaggerated pout.

You let out a slow breath and stare back at him with solemn eyes. The weather had dropped to the all-too-familiar December chill, rainbow lights adorned the city—heck, you’re watching A Charlie Brown Christmas for the third time in a row—but you can’t seem to will yourself into the Christmas spirit even if you tried. The reason seems pretty obvious to you.

For better or worse, the boy tapping his fingers on the back of the couch as he waits impatiently for your answer is one you’ve known for years. Over time, he’s morphed from the awkward older kid that ‘needs to take a couple babies under [his] wing’, to a sweet (when he wants to be)—dare you say, mature (again, when he wants to be)—older brother figure of sorts. If anyone knows why you’re so somber as you wallow in candy cane wrappers and your favorite ugly Christmas sweater, it should be him. 

“You know why,” you grumble.

You think that’s enough of an answer, but Jisung bends down to get a better look at you and attempts to pry more. 

“Hmm, do I?”

Another, more irritated huff leaves your parted lips as you turn to Lucy mercilessly grilling Charlie Brown, and you make damn sure your back is to your snoopy roommate.

Why do you even need to explain yourself to him? Jisung has literally had a front-row seat to the entire story since before he knew how to part his hair properly. He watched you slowly and hopelessly fall for your best friend before his very eyes since you were sixteen. He witnessed you delude yourself into a bottomless pit of denial for years, pushing yourself down so far that not even the most picture-perfect guy could pull you out.

Your life might as well be a sappy romance anime unfolding right in front of him, and Jisung knows every minute detail, every moment of development, every tear you shed for Jeongin like the back of his hand. He could whip up a play-by-play of your history with that boy faster than he can for the plot of Your Name—and he loves that movie.

But you guess as the older brother figure, it also means he has to annoy the living hell out of you for it. Not that he didn’t in the first place, but usually he’d, you know, comfort you when you’re upset. 

Waddling around the couch to plop next to you, with overdramatized puppy eyes boring into your soul, is not that comforting.

“Come onnn, Y/N,” Jisung sing-songs, poking at your cheek. “Talk to me.”

Your frown etches further downward. You don’t do anything to move his hand, though, and opt to just turn your head back to the Peanuts characters.

“Cheer up, sugarplum.” Jisung now squishes your cheeks in one hand like a doting mother. It earns a whine from you, and you finally slap his hand away.

“Jisung.” You sigh, keeping your eyes on the TV. “I’m really, really not in the mood for celebrating Christmas this year.”

It makes your heart ache to actually admit it out loud, but you’d be lying if you tried to say otherwise. Christmas will always be your favorite time of the year, but all the memories you carry with it hurt too much now. It’s all a gaping hole in your stomach that you can’t patch.

“I know, I know,” Jisung says simply, but a heart-shaped smile slowly forms as he speaks. You blink as you stare blankly at him—you don’t like that sparkle in his eye. 

That suspicious grin only widens as he utters his next words.

“That’s why we’re hosting a Christmas party next week.” 

Your heart stops for a second, and you stare at Jisung with wide eyes.

“We?!” 

You’re sure Jisung senses the aggravation in your voice. You already, and very blatantly, you may add, have made it clear that all you want for Christmas this year is to wallow in your blanket burrito and watch whatever cheesy film Hallmark was putting out. 

But of course, Jisung won’t let that happen. You know he means well, but you still wonder for a second why you agreed to move in with him once he graduated and came back home from college.

“You know this is my apartment, too, right?” you add. 

“I know, but just trust me!” He beams, and it only makes you scowl more. “Oh, wait…”

His phone flashes on, a notification popping up on his lockscreen, and whatever it is seems to elate his already excessively cheerful mood. You peer over his shoulder with curious eyes as his thumbs fly across the keyboard, but Jisung places a palm to your forehead and pushes your head away before you can get a glimpse.

“Nuh uh, that’s private!” He tuts, and you frown at him again. As he slides his phone back in his pocket, the cheesy smile returns to his face. Once again, you’re not a fan.

“I need you to trust me, okay?” he says. “It’ll be fun! It’s just gonna be you, me, and our closest friends. Promise.”

You’re still not super on board with the idea. Even a small hangout seems too much for you right now, and you can practically feel the flashbacks from the last few years haunting your mind as you think.

“I… I don’t know, Jisung.”

“If I give you hot chocolate right now, would that influence your decision?”

You watch as Jisung turns around, whipping out two to-go cups from right next to him. A small smile makes its way to your face as he hands you one.

“I’ll think about it,” you mumble, taking a sip of the warm drink.

The gesture is surprisingly enough to make you say ‘yes’ a few harrowing (for Jisung) hours later, and that’s how you find yourself at your and Jisung’s “Christmas Eve Eve Spectacular”. Why Christmas Eve Eve? Who knows, but you did hear Jisung mumble something about being able to go to your neighborhood party in peace. Weird, especially when he seems to know that it’s on Christmas Eve this year. 

Regardless, you think you did a good job of decorating the apartment for the occasion. Besides the small Christmas tree in the living room themed red and gold, you and Jisung had wrapped matching garlands above the curtains and hung wreaths on your bedroom doors. Your couch was adorned with throw pillows you had gotten on sale a week ago, and, because you didn’t have a fireplace, you opted to hang the stockings right above the TV instead. It’s very homey, yet screams young and broke at the same time.

The entertainment is even better. Something about Frosty The Snowman playing on the TV while a bunch of grown men yell at each other playing Twister just feels very college Friendsmas-esque to you. The best part? You’re in charge of the spinner. You can get your daily dose of Christmas cartoons without being trapped under a bunch of loud, sweaty guys.

“You’re cheating!” Hyunjin accuses Felix, slapping his hand from the yellow dot.

“It’s not my fault you don’t know what yellow means!” Felix yells back. He slams his hip into Hyunjin’s side and makes him topple over.

The taller boy gasps dramatically, pointing at Felix as he lies on the floor. “Now you really cheated, asshole!”

You snicker and shake your head at the boys’ shenanigans. You’ve nearly forgotten about the sour mood you were in just days ago; maybe giving in to Jisung’s incessant begging was the right decision.

Speaking of Jisung, he doesn’t seem too into the Twister game, and he’s usually one of the most competitive of the bunch. He was the first one out this round, claiming he “accidentally stumbled” on Seungmin’s hand as he “reached for the wrong dot”very early in the game. Weird.

From the corner of your eye, you can see him fervently checking his phone instead of watching the game, and sometimes, you’d catch a smug smile painting his face briefly before he quickly snaps back to a neutral facade. You’re tempted to snatch the boy’s phone from his hands and read whatever the hell is making him smirk so much.

After a moment, you focus back on the game. Seungmin and Felix are the only two left. Both are at the brink of collapsing, their entangled arms wobbling under them, and you’re placing bets with Hyunjin on who will fall first.

Felix’s arms give out first, after attempting to contort around himself and Seungmin as he stretches for a red dot. He groans out in pain, and you unceremoniously shove five dollars into Hyunjin’s hands as he revels in his victory.

“Thanks for the early present, Y/N,” he says, smiling cheesily.

You make a face akin to a grimace and roll your eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

“I want a rematch!” Felix’s voice audibly cracks as he whines, lying in a starfish position on the floor. 

“Why did you try to go under and not over me?!” Seungmin remarks with an incredulous stare.

Hyunjin snickers. “That’s what she said.”

You smack him on the chest as the other boys groan. “Oh shut up, Hyunjin!” You hiss, shaking your head at the very mature joke. “We can do a rematch, though, but it’s up to you two,” you add, pointing two fingers at Felix and Seungmin.

Before you bend down to fix the bunched-up Twister mat, you turn to Hyunjin one more time. “And no more dirty jokes!”

The doorbell rings through the small apartment, making a look of puzzlement cross your face. You know you aren’t expecting anyone besides the boys that are already here, so you look to Jisung to see if he is. 

“Did you order takeout, Ji?”

Jisung shakes his head at you, but a small smile graces his lips. “Nope.”

You blink. “…Did you order a package?”

He chuckles lightly. “One could say that.”

The growing gleam in his eye makes you furrow your brow more. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

His small smile morphs into a Cheshire-like grin.

“Why don’t you get the door and find out?”

You stare at him with a twisted face as you slowly get up. You really, really don’t like that sparkle in his eye.

Your stomach jumps with uneasiness as you make your way to the door. Part of it was due to Jisung’s odd phrasing, but regardless, you’re almost terrified to find out what lies on the other side. You just cross your fingers and hope it’s a terrible gift at best that you can pretend to like.

Your hand shakes as you slowly twist the top lock open, then the bottom. Then you pull the door open, and you feel your heart rattle in your chest at the sight.

“…Jeongin?”

You feel like you’re dreaming as you stare at the boy in front of you. Jeongin has a comfy, dark purple sweater over a white hoodie—an actually decent shade of purple that’s pleasing to the eye. He runs a hand through his messy black hair as he smiles at you, letting out a deep but nervous chuckle when he realizes he’s just fluffed his hair up more. He’s grown it out since you last saw him, and his bangs perfectly frame his face, some strands falling in front of his eyes.

You feel the breath sucked out of your lungs. Not because he looks good (but you’re not denying that), or because you pick up a hint of sandalwood and amber lingering from him that nearly makes you dizzy—but because you feel all the memories from over the years flood in all at once. First come the good memories, and there’s tons of them. The several times you played hooky with him, the night he took you to see the glittering lights… the day you first met. It all brings a warm feeling to your chest, sending your heart fluttering as a light blush coats your cheeks.

But right after the good, you’re brought back down to earth with the bad. You’re fortunate that the bad is so little compared to the good, but the night before he left for college so suddenly is one you just can’t erase, no matter how hard you try. Memories of concerned glances and the surging feelings of regret and heartbreak make themselves known once again. Every moment of longing and the mixed feelings of wanting to reconnect with him, to be by his side again, causes your insides to twist in uncomfortable ways.

You can’t tell if you want to yell at him after leaving and not telling you himself, or if you want to run into his arms and never let him go.

Say something, Y/N, your mind screams at you as you remain frozen in place. But what are you supposed to say to someone so dear to your heart, that also happens to be the reason it’s ached for all these years?

You draw in another breath, and you stammer out the first thing that comes to mind.

“H-Hi.”

You mentally slap yourself. That’s all you have to say? You have been yearning for this moment for three years, and all you can come up with is ‘hi’?

Luckily, Jeongin seems to reciprocate, mumbling a “hey” back with an awkward wave, but you still want to kick yourself for your pitiful attempt at a greeting.

You turn around to see Jisung visibly deflate at the interaction. It’s clear now that he’s had this surprise planned for a while, and all his offhand murmurs from the past week about ‘getting the band back together’ are starting to make much more sense. 

He blinks, and in a moment’s notice, his frown is gone and he sweeps in to save the moment.

“Jeongin, come here, my honey sweet!”

You chuckle fondly as Jisung smothers Jeongin with bone-crushing hugs and excessive hair ruffles. It’s just like when you were all awkward tweens and teenagers in the school hallways, except Jisung wasn’t randomly popping up behind you two, and you were all considerably shorter. You forgot how much you missed that.

“We’re about to play another round of Twister,” Jisung chirps after a minute, his arms still securely around the younger. “But I think Hyunjin, Felix, and Seungmin all want to go against each other, so you can go next round.”

Hyunjin cocks a brow. “No, they just said everyone can joi—”

“No they didn’t, Hyunjin,” Jisung bites back through gritted teeth, and sends the blond a look that makes him cower back to the living room. 

Once Hyunjin leaves the room, Jisung turns to a confused Jeongin. “Y/N’s spinning. You can keep her company, maybe catch up a bit while you’re at it?” he suggests.

Jeongin smiles lightly, but he’s shoved into the living room with you in tow before he can verbally respond.

You’re both unceremoniously pushed into your tacky Christmas pillows, and Jisung hands you the spinner. He even does the first spin for you, and sends you a wink as he moves to sit by the window.

You just blink, waiting for the arrow to come to a full stop. “Seungmin, left foot on blue,” you call when it does.

As Seungmin is stepping onto the end blue circle, you spin the spinner again, nibbling on your lip anxiously as you feel Jeongin’s body heat radiating onto you. It makes you want to squirm, and you try your best to keep your eyes on the spinner. 

“Felix, left hand, red.” 

Felix mumbles to himself, but you’re not sure what as you’re not really listening. Once he settles on a dot, you flick the spinner again. 

Jeongin clears his throat and fiddles with his fingers in his lap. “How have you been?” He attempts—keyword: attempts—to ask casually. 

You’re so focused on watching the spinner, all you do is hum in response. When the spinner slows and stops, you clear your own throat. “Jisung, right foot, green,” you call out, “and… alright,” you mumble afterward. “I’ve been alright, you?”

He watches you as you flick the plastic arrow again. “I’ve… I’ve been okay…”He trails off like he wants to say more, but he remains quiet. 

“Hyunjin, left hand, yellow.” 

You’re not sure how long you guys sit there silently for, but your insides feel like they’re trying to claw their way out of you. Maybe ten minutes of silence feels like ten hours, and you desperately pray for the game to end so you could do literally anything else.

If only your thirteen-year-old self could see you now. Maybe you were too dramatic that Christmas, because you are sure this just took the throne as The Most Awkward Conversation Of Your Life™. 

Out of nowhere, a loud gasp booms over Michael Bublé’s “Have A Holly Jolly Christmas”, the boys’ shouting, and whatever cartoon autoplayed after Frosty ended. Everyone’s heads snap to Jisung, who stares with sparkly eyes at the world outside.

You lean past Jeongin to get a glance. Light gray skies, slow-floating crystals, fluffy white blanket… it makes you break out into a grin. So does Jeongin, who smiles fondly as he pats your knee. The move makes you want to do backflips.

“Oh my god, snow!” Jisung cheers, already scurrying for the door. He mutters something about it being ‘just what he needed’ as he zips past you and Jeongin, but quickly turns on his heel when he sees neither of you move a muscle.

“Um, hello?!” the older boy chastises you and Jeongin, tossing you your coats and hitting you both in the face. “It’s the first snow of winter, what are you doing?!” He claps his hands for emphasis, but not before he shoves a pair of mittens into both your hands. “You need. To see. The snow.”

You exchange a knowing look with Jeongin but follow Jisung’s hasty instructions. Neither of you seem to move as fast as he wants you to be, so he does the job for you by hurriedly, but carefully, pushing you both down the stairs and to the lobby.

Jeongin presses his lips into a thin line, stepping closer to you as Jisung dashes back up the stairs to get the rest of the group. You smile back politely, but say nothing else. 

You turn back to the stairs at the sound of Jisung’s voice bouncing off the walls. Whether he knows you two could hear him or not, you don’t think he cares, considering that he’s already yelling at the top of his lungs.

“SEE!” He motions around himself widely. “I TOLD YOU IT’D SNOW WHEN THEY WERE TOGETHER!” A dopey smile covers his face as he holds his hands up to his chest, like he himself had just miraculously fallen in love. “It’s like magic!” 

Judging from a quick glance behind you as you make your way toward the front doors, Hyunjin seems to fully indulge in Jisung’s antics, smiling brightly and hopping up and down as they bound down the stairs. Felix and Seungmin, who trail behind them, don’t seem nearly as amused.

“Jisung, bro,” Seungmin blinks, “It’s literally just the weather.” 

Jisung’s smile drops instantly and he glares at the brunet boy, pointing a finger at him. “No! You had to be there for everything, trust me! I’M NOT CRAZY, WATCH!” 

The listless look doesn’t drop from Seungmin’s face as he follows his overly chipper friend downstairs.

Jeongin snorts, lightly bumping his shoulder into your own. “He’s still on that?” 

You open the front door for the both of you, rolling your eyes. “He never stopped, seriously.” 

The cold air hits you instantly and you’re glad Jisung gave you your gloves to wear. You scan the area around you and the only other people in sight are a group of children across the street. The ever-growing white blanket in front of your apartment complex is all yours and Jeongin’s—anything’s free game.

Unfortunately, the delicate, white crystals fluttering down around you do nothing to help the tension looming between you both. It followed you out of your apartment like a dark storm cloud, and now it’s raining on your snowy parade. You hate it. But you don’t know how to get rid of it.

“Sooo…” you start, and just as quickly trail off. “What now?”

Jeongin just shrugs, watching a snowflake fall to the ground. 

You sigh, mostly to yourself. Looks like you’re going to have to take the lead. You begin to roll up a ball of snow, making it bigger and bigger in hopes of building a snowman.

The bigger and more round your snowman base gets, the more that the little rain cloud between you and Jeongin seems to shrink away. Even though you haven’t said a word to the boy and nearly forgotten he was even there, something about playing in the snow together in silence is… healing. It’s therapeutic in its own right, the soft crystals somehow bringing a feeling of warmth to your chest as you bring out your inner child.

Just as you’re finished with the top body part and you’re lifting it up ready to place, a sudden impact of cold, wet snow hits the back of your neck and begins to slither down your back. This results in you dropping the snowman’s body and you gasp as it breaks apart into heaps on the floor. 

Turning around, you pout as Jeongin looks at you with a cheeky smile playing at his lips. He looks away, whistling innocently and shoving his hands into his coat pockets. Your glare hardens and you quickly pick up the precious bit of used snow, squishing it into a ball before lobbing it in Jeongin’s direction, just barely missing his left arm. 

“You need to work on your aim,” Jeongin remarks cockily, and you scrabble another snowball in your hands. 

Throwing the haphazardly-made snowball in his direction, his laughter fills your ears and makes the butterflies in your stomach fly. You duck as his own snowball is about to hit you, and it just skims the back of your head. 

“This is war!” You glare at your best friend. “You made me mess up my snowman!” 

“Why focus on your snowman when you can focus on me?” Jeongin laughs, making your heart speed up again. 

You hide behind the pitiful remains of your snowman and hold your hands to your cheeks. Sure, you were in a war, but you couldn’t let him see that his words affected you. You could have blamed it on the cold, but would Jeongin really believe it?

“You can’t hide forever,” Jeongin sings, his voice getting nearer and nearer. 

Keeping a watchful eye over your shoulder, you attempt to make a bunch of snowballs as you try to will the color on your cheeks away. You try to calm your breathing, suppressing any giggles that threaten to come out as you grow your small pile of ammo.

As you scramble to prepare for whenever Jeongin plans to pelt you with snowballs, all your worries seem to melt away. Adrenaline rushes through your body as you hear Jeongin’s boots crunch in the snow, but you also feel a wave of calm wash over you. It’s just you, Jeongin, and the white blanket of snow surrounding you two. Just like when you were little.

You missed this.

A small giggle escapes your lips as you peer over your shoulder one more time. Jeongin doesn’t seem to be sneaking up on you—in fact, he’s nowhere in sight. You turn around and let out a sigh of relief. You’re safe.

Until you notice Jeongin towering over you, smirking deviously.

“Did you miss me?”

You let out a squeal, backing yourself against your crumbling snowman as you frantically chuck snowballs his way. He seems to be unfazed by it, only chuckling as the snowballs split into pieces as they hit his chest, and he steps closer to you. 

Soon, you’re resorting to flinging pathetic scoops of snow at him as you try to scoot back. You’re in a fit of giggles as he inches closer, your heartbeat quickening his pace as you chuck one more blob of snow to hopefully deter him. 

It strikes him square in the face.

Your jaw drops in surprise, and you can only watch as Jeongin wordlessly wipes the snow off his face. You search his face for any sign of hurt, fearing you might’ve gone too far, but you only find a mischievous glint in his eye.

Oh no.

You gulp as he drops to his knees and continues to close the gap between you, his smug smile growing wider. A nervous giggle escapes your lips as you watch for his next move, and you grab another handful of snow in your mitt to get ready to fight back—then you feel his fingers at your sides.

“Jeongin, stopppp~!” 

You’re unable to control your laughter as Jeongin mercilessly tickles you. Any attempts at pushing him away are quickly proved fruitless by a shove of his hand, and you’re left thrashing around helplessly as he continues to torture you. 

You’ve practically been thrown into the pillow of former-snowman behind you by the time Jeongin sits back and lets you go. Gasping for air, you let out another giggle as you watch him bend over, hands on the snow by either of your sides as he catches his breath as well.

The air around you falls silent as you stare up at him. You search his face again, your chest heaving up and down. You can’t find any more signs of incoming mischief, but you find his soft gaze staring back at you, and the rosy color pricking at his cheeks. You assume his blush is from the cold, but you know yours is from otherwise.

Another few seconds pass and Jeongin still hasn’t tormented you. A smirk slowly spreads across your face as an idea sparks on your mind. 

Before you can even think it through, you spring up, arms outstretched as you pounce in his direction. He has no time to react before you tackle him, fingers going to his sides as you tickle him and get your sweet revenge. 

“You asshole!” You shriek in between giggles.

It’s now Jeongin’s turn to try to shove your hands away as he scoots back, an endless stream of giggles escaping his mouth as well. Hearing his laughter ring in your ears makes you laugh more in turn as you shuffle after him. You both grapple around for a moment and eventually land on the ground, you on top of Jeongin, your legs all tangled together.

You tickle him for another second when you look up and pause. It’s then that you realize just how close your faces are to each other, and suddenly, you forget how to breathe. Everything goes still for a moment as you stare at him with wide eyes. One more movement and you’d be kissing him.

You pray that Jeongin doesn’t feel your heart hammering against your ribcage as you’re pressed up against him, but you can’t help but wonder if his heart is doing backflips in his own chest.

Unable to take the thoughts swirling inside your head anymore, you roll off of him and onto your back, looking up at the sky. Tiny snowflakes fall around you in a light, gentle flow, but a steady one—it almost feels reassuring. It’s like the universe is sending you a message, in its own special way, that everything will be alright. 

You take a deep breath and look over at the boy next to you. His eyelashes flutter against his cheeks as he blinks, wide eyes gazing up at the snow. A couple snowflakes seem to fall on his face and he scrunches up his nose as he giggles. A fond smile decorates your lips as you watch him, and you feel your heart quicken its pace once again.

Another moment passes and Jeongin turns his head to you. “What's wrong?” he asks, eyebrows furrowed slightly. 

You shake your head and start moving to stand up. “It’s nothing, just…” you trail off, unsure what to say next. You hold out a hand to help him to his feet as well. 

The two of you stand in silence for some time. You take a small step closer to him, and you can’t deny the way your heart swells in your chest as you take in the scene around you. The snow seems to dance around you two, swirling around gently as if the crystals are casting a gentle spotlight on you both. When your eyes land back on Jeongin, you note the snowflakes that dot his chestnut hair and perfectly complement his slightly messy curls. It’s adorably awkward, but he looks cozy, like… almost like home.

He turns his head to look at you and gives you a smile that sends warmth spreading through your whole body. There’s a gentleness to his gaze as his eyes meet yours, and the way he reaches over to move a strand of hair away from your face nearly makes you melt. A faint blush dusts his cheeks as he steps closer to you, closing the distance between you two, and you hope he doesn’t notice your already rosy cheeks glow a deeper red.

“Stay for Christmas?” he whispers.

There’s no helping the grin that grows on your face at the familiar words. 

“Just come here.”

You can hear the squeals of the children across the street (and Jisung from behind you), but you feel at peace as you lean up to wrap your arms around Jeongin’s neck. A small chuckle reverberates through you as you feel him snugly hug you back, and you tuck your head in his shoulder.

You still don’t believe the snow is the seasonal deity that Jisung swears by, but something about the way it gently cascades down feels like it’s wrapping you both in a warm blanket and reassuring you that you’re okay. That you’re home. As Jeongin gently rests his head against yours and sways the two of you back and forth, you realize that this was what you were missing the whole time; not only in your old neighborhood, but during the time Jeongin was away.

Turns out the magic you always felt during this time of year wasn’t just in the snow. It wasn’t just in the whimsicality of Christmas cartoons, or your utter fascination with the holiday lights, either. It’s the feeling of comfort that comes with it, the feeling of knowing that someone who cares about you will be there to do it all with you a thousand times over. That special feeling that only Jeongin has been able to give to you all these years, even if it’s awkward at times, even if you’ve consumed one too many cups of hot chocolate for his liking… the feeling of being home.

You realize that Jeongin is more than just your best friend and your longtime crush—he’s home. And if it takes a bit of snow to realize that, that’s magic enough for you.

24...

Christmas has changed a lot since the previous year with you and Jeongin officially being back at best friend status—not that he had ever left. But just knowing he’s finally home is enough to rekindle your affinity for the holidays that you’ve been lacking for the past few years. Now it’s finally here, and the fire inside you is burning brighter than ever. 

With it being a newfound tradition in the Y/Nsung household—funny enough, you actually coined the name—your apartment this year is once again the main headquarters for all things Christmas festivities. And this time, it’s on Christmas Eve. You thought it’d be fitting, considering your shared history with Jeongin over the date. Like last year, you took care to decorate the apartment to a T, pretty garlands and shades of red and green glistening all over the living area.

The party had very much been a success, with only a few disagreements (read: screaming matches) between Hyunjin and Felix about who was actually better at the chosen game, and who was, in fact, cheating. You suspected both of them cheated at some point, but decided staying silent was probably the better option. 

And after a hearty meal of Chinese take-out from the 24/7 open restaurant, the three boys, minus Jeongin, called it a night and headed out for the comforts of their warm beds. You could still hear Hyunjin and Felix arguing as they left, with a sulking Seungmin behind them, grumbling something about having to listen to them all the way back to their hotel. 

You close the door behind them and turn to your best friend. He’s standing rather close to you, making your heart speed up slightly. The small smile that covers his face leaves you feeling comforted, loved.

It’s crazy how much can happen in a year. The awkwardness you feared would persist after being apart for three years had melted away after Jeongin (and Jisung) surprised you with his return, after that impromptu snowball fight that set your heart alight. You two spent the following few days doing some much-need catching up, and now, you’re closer than ever. It was like he never left home. Or, rather, like you were finally home.

“I thought you would have gone with them,” you mention, your own smile playing at your lips. 

Jeongin shrugs, opening his arms out wide, indicating his need for a hug. “Just wanted to spend more time with you.” You giggle, shuffling into his arms. “Without all of the yelling,” he finishes his sentence as a mumble. 

“Yeah,” you sigh into his chest. “This is much nicer.” 

Maybe it’s weird to say that you feel something in the air shift. Or maybe it was the way Jeongin subtly changed his grip on you, but something seems different all of a sudden. 

“Are you okay?” Your voice comes out softer than you expected, but when Jeongin holds you tighter and just sighs, your suspicions become elevated. 

He lets his arms fall from you and he slips one hand into your own, leading you back into your living room. An uncomfortable silence sifts between you two.

“Jeonginnie?” you finally say after another moment.

“I need to talk to you about something.” He frowns, pulling you down so you’re sitting next to him. “It’s serious.” 

A frown of your own instantly takes its place on your face. Jeongin sits there, his gaze on your one hand in his lap, and he plays with your fingers in hopes of calming himself down. 

“And I need to tell you because I don’t want what happened before to repeat itself.” Jeongin explains. “I don’t want to go however many years to go by again because I didn’t tell you myself.” He continues, now looking at you. 

Eyebrows furrowed, you gaze at him. “Jeongin, what’s going on?” 

“I… I got a job offer…”

You’re about to open your mouth and congratulate him, then he finishes his sentence, finally looking you in the eye.

“…but it’s two cities away.” 

If Jeongin listened carefully enough, he could’ve heard your heart crack in your chest.

“Oh…” 

He nods his head solemnly. “My parents are flying out with me tomorrow night to go check out apartments.” His gaze falls back to your hand that’s on his lap, and his voice grows softer as he continues to explain. “We’ll be back by New Year’s, but… once we settle on a place and sign the lease…” 

“…You’ll be leaving again,” you quietly finish his sentence, your voice wavering at the end. He nods once more. 

It’s like you were nineteen all over again, but this time, you had Jeongin in front of you—almost softening the blow. All the emotions you felt after he had left the first rush back to the surface all at once, and you nearly feel like you’re drowning. 

But you stuff it all down. You shove it back in the crackling dam that is your heart, at least for the moment. You can let out your frustration with the world when Jeongin goes home. Not now.

Be strong, Y/N. 

“We can still text,” you begin, your voice filled with hope—at least, you pray that’s what comes across. “And call and FaceTime.” 

The sides of Jeongin’s lips turn up into a small smile. Slowly, he moves his hand so it’s wrapped in yours, entwining your fingers together and giving it a reassuring squeeze. 

“We will.” He looks up at you again. “I just wanted to be the one to tell you this time.” 

You squeeze his hand back. Your heart races. “I appreciate that.” 

A thick, heavy silence spreads across the room. You’re too focused on gazing into Jeongin’s eyes to care about the world outside of your little bubble with him. But your heart cries out, not wanting the moment to end. Not when this could be the last night you see Jeongin for a while.

You want to hold his hand and hold him in your arms and never let him go. But you know you can’t do that. Not when this job could be a big deal for him, not when it could change his whole life. 

So you let the warmth from his hand seep into yours. You let your head fall onto his shoulder. You let the butterflies fly in all directions at the sight, and feeling, of his sweet gaze on you. The one you’ll miss so dearly when he’s gone.

The one you’ll cherish for as long as you can.

“YAHOOOO!!”

A loud yell echoes throughout the apartment, causing your stares to break and Jeongin to drop your hand. With the yell coming from the only other known person in the apartment, you silently think of the ways you’d hurt Jisung in his sleep tonight for ruining the moment.

Soon, a trail of slamming doors and footsteps are heard, growing in frequency and volume as they get closer and closer to the living room. Then the living room door swings open and slams against the wall, Jisung’s hand stopping it from bouncing back and hitting him in the face whilst he prances into the room with the largest gummy smile you've ever seen. His cheeks are all pink and he looks like he could burst into happy tears at any moment.

“Guess what, my babies!” he sings, maybe a little too lively, “Looks like your guardian angel came to the rescue, Jeongin’s not leaving tomorrow!”

Blinking, you sit there, your lips twisting into a confused grimace as he dramatically wipes the corners of his eyes with his sleeve. You want to wholeheartedly believe your fanatical roommate. You wish so desperately for this to just be some bad dream you’re about to wake up from. But the way your heart continues to squeeze in your chest, even as Jisung skipped into the room so cheerfully, tells you all of this is real. The idea that a last-minute Christmas miracle is about to turn things around sounds too good to be true.

You’re about to interject and beg Jisung to explain, but he beats you to it, sensing the skepticism on your and Jeongin’s faces. “Look outside!” He feverishly points to the window. “You’ll see what I mean!”

Lifting your head off Jeongin’s shoulder, you exchange confused looks with the younger boy as you both get on your feet. He leads the way to the window by your front door, blindly reaching behind him for your hand and connecting your fingers when he finds it. You notice Jisung wiggling his eyebrows at you and almost let go to make him stop, but Jeongin lightly squeezes your hand before your fingers can slip away. 

Heat rises to your cheeks as you push the blinds to the side, and you hope Jeongin doesn’t glance your way and notice. Luckily, he’s too occupied with gaping at the scene outside. And so are you.

It is, in fact, snowing—and it’s snowing hard. Wind howls against your thin apartment walls as the icy flakes come pouring down, a thick, white fog blurring your view of the street below you. 

“Wow…” you mumble to yourself. In the fifteen or so years since you’ve moved, you’ve never witnessed a snowfall this hard. Let alone on the first snow of winter.

“It’s snowing like this all over the country,” Jisung remarks, showing the two of you the weather report on his phone. Jeongin scrolls through the list with one finger and, to his horror, the city where his new job is located is there. 

“You know what that means?” Jisung continues, a small smirk on his face. “No leaving, at least for a few days.”

You keep your gaze out the window, your spirits brightening at the news. As selfish as it was, you could barely control the surge of happiness bursting inside you at the thought of having Jeongin around for a little while longer. 

Maybe a Christmas miracle is possible.

You completely miss Jeongin’s loved-up stare as you look back at him, a concerned frown on your face. “What about your flight tomorrow?”

He shrugs, rubbing his thumb in circles on the back of your hand. “I’ll figure something out,” he mumbles.

He steps closer to you, and you swear you see sparkles in his eyes as he gazes into your own. You forget Jisung is there as the taller boy leans down until your noses are nearly touching. A small smile grazes his features as he whispers, a gentle but playful timbre to his voice:

“Stay for Christmas?” 

“I– um– uh–” you sputter at the sudden close contact, your eyes widening in surprise. You take a second to breathe and recompose yourself before you try again, sheepishly gesturing to the window, “I don’t think you have a choice.” 

You carefully watch Jeongin for his reaction. He seems to lean forward, inching his face even closer to yours, and you feel your breath get caught in your throat. 

The boy squeezes your hand and leans his forehead against yours, a shameless grin on his face as he flashes you a wink.

“Fine by me.”

You pray that he can’t hear your heart pounding in your chest, or that he doesn’t mention how red your cheeks are. You note the pink tint dusting his cheeks as he steps back, in case he decides to tease you for the latter. Despite your embarrassment, the shy giggle that slips out his mouth still makes you smile.

Jisung suddenly breaks the moment with a dreamy sigh, a hand flying over his heart. “And it’s all thanks to snow!” 

You roll your eyes dismissively. “How much longer are you going to keep on about this magic snow?” you ask, causing Jisung to snort. 

“As long as I want, Miss Tuxedo Effect.” 

You can practically hear the shit-eating grin on Jisung's face. You drop Jeongin’s hand as you snap your head to the older boy, throwing a scowl his way.

“‘Miss Tuxedo Effect?’” Jeongin questions, an eyebrow raised as he looks between the two of you. 

If your cheeks weren’t already as red as a tomato, they surely are now. “Don’t ask,” you grumble, swiftly heading to the kitchen to try and evade his prying. To your disdain, he follows you like a lost puppy.

“What’s he talking about?” he asks again. When Jisung, who’s treading behind you two in amusement, goes to open his mouth, you glare him into silence.

“It’s nothing.”

That seems to shut your overly curious best friend up long enough for you to pour yourself a glass of milk. The less Jeongin knew about the tuxedo effect incident, the better. You don’t need two boys torturing you about it, especially when the first one still refuses to let it go after eight years.

You watch him in silence as your drink heats up in the microwave, his eyebrows knitted together as he tries to search your and Jisung’s faces for answers. You maintain a poker face, but of course Jisung revels in Jeongin’s nosiness.

“Jeongin, think about it,” he hums, casually taking a bite of one of Felix’s cookies. You resist the urge to slap it out of his hand.

“Don’t,” you glower at him.

“How many times has she seen guys in tuxedos?” Jisung continues, his cheeks casually puffed up with food.

“Depends,” Jeongin looks to his friend and shuffles closer to you, “are we counting movies?”

Jisung snorts, nearly spitting out a chunk of chewed-up cookie. “Don’t include movies!” He covers his mouth with one hand as he gulps the bite down. “You’ll never narrow it down if you do!”

Your jaw drops in offense as the boys fill the kitchen with giggles. “Hey!”

An embarrassed flush creeps onto your cheeks again and you turn to pull your mug out of the microwave. You take a sip of the warm milk as you stew quietly, waiting for their laughs to die down. 

“Okay, okay, seriously,” Jisung pipes up after a moment, stifling another giggle. “If you just look at high school…” he glances at you, his mouth quivering into a teasing grin, “she’s only seen guys in tuxedos, like, three times.”

“It was more than three!” You exclaim defensively, placing your mug down before you list off… every single time you’ve seen a boy in a suit.

You can’t believe you’re having this conversation.

“There was junior prom,” you hold up a finger, “senior prom,” you hold up another finger. You hesitate, then add, “the one time I went to homecoming—”

“Hey, that homecoming one doesn’t count!” Jisung protests. “You volunteered for extra credit!”

You groan and throw your hands up in defeat. Okay, maybe it was only three times, but you’d rather do anything else than admit it..

“Then what else is there?!”

Jisung shoots you a challenging look, eyebrows raised as one corner of his mouth threatens to twitch into a smirk. Your exasperated look immediately drops. You know, Jisung knows… and a quick glance at Jeongin tells you he just figured it out.

“Don’t tell me it was the formal?” The taller boy watches you with wide eyes.

“Jeongin!” you whine.

He gasps, a hand slapping over his mouth as he leaps over to smother you. 

“It was!”

His name escapes you once again as you use his shoulder as a way to try and shield yourself from the embarrassment—and him seeing the bright red tint currently burning your cheeks. 

“You thought I was cute when I wore that oversized suit?” he chuckles, letting his arms go around you.

“Shit up,” you continue to whine. 

Jeongin’s deep chuckle basically vibrates through you, it makes the butterflies in your stomach scatter. Your ear tingles when you feel his hot breath brush against it.

“If it's any consolation, you looked really good, too.” 

You smack his chest and turn your head away from him in hopes of him not seeing your blush. It fails miserably. 

“Oh my god, you’re blushing so hard,” Jeongin coos, using his free hand to try and get you to face him again. “Look how cute,” he hums.

With his fingers on your chin, you shut your eyes tightly. There was no way you could look him in the eye and have a rational thought. Not now, not when he was being so open and—dare you say it—flirty with you. 

“You’re so annoying,” you mumble, your eyes still closed. 

On the contrary, you don’t know how much more your heart can take. You don’t even have to open your eyes to know Jeongin is still smirking his ass off. 

“You don’t mean that, right, Miss Tuxedo Effect?” 

Your eyes snap open, your jaw tightening in an attempt to glare at him. He did not just go there. But at this point, with this new cocky attitude, why did it even surprise you he’d stoop so low? 

“You—” Your mind lapses and you’re unable to finish your sentence. 

Jeongin tilts his head slightly, his smile still crooked. “You?” 

Maybe it’s by sheer luck on your part or utter stupidity on Jisung’s, but a small noise makes you both turn and look at the older boy, who has his phone held up at the two of you. 

click.

He backs away slowly, retreating to the living room door. “You'll thank me for these later.” 

Rolling your eyes, you stare at him. “Why? Because the magic snow told you so?” 

Jisung gasps, pointing at you with a glare. 

“It’s not magic snow, it’s fate and I’ve already proved it enough times!” He yaps on. Huffing, he crosses his arms over his chest and his eyes narrow at you. “By the way, Jeongin will have to sleep in your room.” 

You freeze at his statement and feel all the color drain your face. 

“Uh…” you gulp. “Why?” 

“Well you see,” Jisung starts. His eyes flutter around the room, unable to stay on you. “The… the pull-out is broken!” He snaps his fingers before pointing at you. “Yeah, yeah, last time Hyunjin was here, he totally ripped it to shreds, sugarplum.” 

You blink slowly. The last time Hyunjin was here was last month, and Jisung was using the pull-out last week just fine.

“It’s just so broken now,” the older boy continues on his tangent, making a tsk noise and shaking his head. “He said he’d replace it, but he hasn’t yet, so it looks like Jeongin is going to have to bunk with you.” Jisung tries to laugh as he shrugs his shoulders. 

“Uh…” you repeat. 

It’s not that you didn’t want to share your room, let alone your bed, with Jeongin. He’s been your best friend for fifteen years—if there’s any guy on the planet you are comfortable doing that with, it’s him. Not even Heeseung or Yeonjun reached that level with you.

But even though you and Jeongin are attached to the hip, you two were never this close. Especially not when your parents shut down every attempt to stay for Christmas growing up. Why didn’t they just let you two do it? Surely, if they did, this wouldn’t be making your palms sweat as much as they are right now. 

That wasn’t the only issue now, though. Not when he could be moving away any day now, if it weren’t for the blizzard outside. Not when it took you this long to realize what you would give for him to stay.

Not stay for Christmas. Just stay.

“I can sleep on the normal couch,” Jeongin suggests, breaking your train of thought. Jisung feverishly shakes his head. 

“No!” He yells, his eyes wide. “I mean, you can’t, it’s so uncomfortable, you’ll have a bad back. It’s better to share with Y/N!” 

Jeongin’s cocky attitude seems to dissolve in seconds. His smirk melts into a small sheepish smile, the tips of his ears turn pink, and he can barely look you in the eye. 

“Is that okay?” he asks in the smallest voice ever. 

It’s now or never, Y/N. 

“Sure,” you smile. “It’s fine.” 

Jeongin shuffles out of the room, leaving you to glare daggers at the boy who’s gone back to nonchalantly snacking on Felix’s leftover desserts.

“You are so full of shit,” you grumble, feeling the blood rush to your cheeks again.

Jisung just gives you a tilted smile mid-munch.

“Would it help if I said the snow told me to do it?”

You slam your hand on the kitchen island, throwing your head back in despair and frustration. “You’ve lost your mind.”

“I didn’t, the snow did!” Jisung yells after you as you stomp out of the kitchen.

As Jeongin hogs the bathroom and gets ready for bed, you replay your words over and over in your head as you pace back and forth in your room, creating a small draft. ‘It’s fine’?! Are you crazy?! It’s not fine. It’s not fine at all.

Why did you agree to let Jeongin sleep just centimeters away from you? Is it too late to back out and hide in Jisung’s room for the night? If anything, Jisung deserved it for a multitude of reasons, the primary one being his ongoing snow escapades. You don’t know why you didn’t try fighting back on that earlier.

Running a hand through your hair, you heave out a sigh and flick the lights off. You pull your duvet up and shuffle under the covers, bunching the blanket around your chest and letting your arms rest on top of it. A strange feeling swirls in your stomach as you stare up the ceiling, and you truly think about what you just signed up for.

After fourteen years, you’re finally getting that Christmas sleepover you and Jeongin have been joking about since you were ten. Well… the one you’ve been joking about since you were ten. Jeongin started it, then attempted to forget it existed for a while, then he started joking along with you. However, at some point… it didn’t feel like you were joking anymore.

You don’t remember when, specifically—if there even was a specific moment. You just remember that at some point, despite years and years of endless teasing on your part, you genuinely wanted this sleepover. With all the roadblocks you two had endured during your childhood and teen years, though, you thought it’d never happen. 

And now, here you are.

The soft click of the door opening causes you to look up. Light from the hallway floods into the room and Jeongin smiles warmly at you. His hair is fluffy and he still has a few drops of water on his forehead from washing his face. He smooths out his oversized black t-shirt a little as his eyes meet yours, then he looks down and dusts off his gray sweatpants. You can’t help but smile fondly at the sight. 

His smile fades into something more timid as he closes the door behind him and shuffles over to the bed. Before climbing into the covers, he looks at you, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Is this…” he hesitates, “Are you sure this is oka—”

You chuckle, gently cutting him off. “Just get in the bed, Jeongin.”

A bittersweet feeling cascades over you as he tucks himself under the covers. It’s really happening. Your first Christmas sleepover has finally officially begun, after fourteen years of waiting. Somewhere in the back of your mind, though, you’re plagued with a brutal reminder that this could also be your last Christmas together. Ever.

You feel Jeongin move around a bit, soon settling and facing you. You shift onto your side after a moment, smiling tightly at him before letting your gaze drift out your window.  Snow continues to surge down, and the wind rattles against the glass. If it weren’t for the dim glow of the streetlight outside, you wouldn’t be able to see a thing.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Jeongin mumbles after a beat. You don’t need more light to know he has a cocky grin on his face.

“I’m not even looking at you, dummy,” you scoff, pointing past his ear and out the window.

He turns his head around, following your finger. Once he lands his eyes on the window, his jaw drops slightly and nods in understanding. “I didn’t think it would snow this hard.”

His voice is soft but gentle, and it makes your heart skip a beat. You force out a chuckle in an attempt to ground yourself. “Should’ve known Jisung would’ve gone mad.”

Jeongin snorts, “He’s long gone, you know this.” He turns around again, the corners of his lips lifting up slightly. “But… at least I get to stay for Christmas.”

You can't help but smile back. “After all these years,” you muse.

“Yeah…”

A beat of silence. “Is this what you imagined it would be?” You ask, your voice quieter.

Jeongin purses his lips together, looking down for a second. “When I was ten? No.”

You both chuckle.

“I thought we’d be knocked out on the couch after eating too many cookies,” Jeongin continues before adding as an afterthought, “Well, after you ate too many cookies.”

You gasp in fake offense, lightly swatting at his chest. “Hey, you were just as bad!”

He scoffs, and another chuckle slips out. It’s like music to your ears.

Then another beat of silence.

“Was this what you imagined it would be?” He repeats your question back to you.

Your eyes meet his as you shake your head. ”No.”

It wasn’t… at least, not until you got older, but he didn’t need to know that.

Feeling some of the tension melt away, you and Jeongin continue to lie down next to each other in a comfortable silence. You aren’t sure how quickly you became accustomed to feeling his body heat seeping into you. In so little time, this image of Jeongin lying next to you, you want it burned inside your mind. The image of his hair so fluffy, you want to reach out and run your hands through it. The silhouette of him under the covers so cozy, you want to throw yourself into his arms.

How it had been a measly fifteen minutes, but this scenario with him… of you two being together… you want it forever.

“Are you okay?” Jeongin’s voice breaks the silence, as well as your train of thought.

You let out a sigh. “I… I guess.”

You can’t help but feel like this is some cruel twist of fate. That maybe the snow isn’t magical or special, but rather cruel and cunning—teasing you by giving you what you’ve always wanted, your stay for Christmas, only to rip it away from you so ruthlessly in a few days. 

All of the words you want to say, that you wish you could say, becomes a bitter pill in your mouth. It leads you to wonder if it was worth spitting it all out, or if you should swallow and shove it down instead. If anything you say in this moment, if you tore your chest open and bore your heart out for Jeongin to see… would it really change anything? 

You already know the answer, but it doesn’t mean you can’t try.

“I…” you start. “I don’t want you to leave.” 

While you were lost in thought, Jeongin had shifted himself so he was laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He exhales and you can practically see his breath in the air.

“Honestly?” he sighs. “I don’t either.” 

“Then…” you hesitate. “Then can’t you just stay…” your voice shakes. “…with me?”

It feels weird not asking that he stay for Christmas, but you have that covered right now. You know it won’t last forever if you’re not careful, though, so it’s pointless to try.

So it’s not stay for Christmas, for once in your life. Just stay. 

He rolls over onto his side so he’s facing you and he places his hand ever so near yours. “I wish I could. but hey, we’ll work it out.” He smiles reassuringly. “Just like you said, we can text, we can FaceTime, we can visit…” 

Pushing your lips into a thin line, you nod. “R-Right. Yeah.”

Gently, he grabs your hand in his, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. “We'll make it work. We’re…” He pauses. You can’t pinpoint what in his eyes changes in the dark. “We’re best friends for a reason, remember?”

You sigh. “I… I guess.”

But was there a reason? Sure, you may have asked him if he wanted to be your friend when you first moved to the neighborhood, but you didn’t plan any of this. Nine-year-old you just needed a friend to ease your mother’s worries—you had no way to know what fate had in store for you two when you did get that friend. 

Now Jeongin is way more than a friend to you. More than the awkward boy in an obnoxious purple sweater you met all those years ago. He's, to keep it short, home. And you don’t know if you can handle losing your way home a third time.

Maybe the reason was simply fate, because all of this—it just kind of happened. And now you’re stuck, unsure what to do next… or maybe you do.

You hesitate for one moment, then take a deep breath. 

“But it— it’s more than that.” 

You stare at your entwined hands, watching how Jeongin continues to caress the back of your hand with his thumb. Swallowing your nerves, you look up to catch his eyes.

Here goes nothing.

“Jeongin, I really don’t want this to mess up what we have, but I…” you pause. “I fell for you.” 

You attempt to gauge his reaction. You can’t read the look in his eyes, but somehow, it urges you to keep going.

“I’m sorry this is so sudden,” you start again, your voice shaky, “it’s just— you’re such an important part of my life, you always have been.” You feel your eyes prick with tears. “And even when you were gone, I always found myself wanting to run back to you.”

You pause again, softly biting down on your lip as you struggle to swallow down your pounding heart. You take one more deep breath.

“It’s… it’s always been you, Jeongin.” Your voice cracks, a small whimper escapes your lips. Your eyes continue to well as the floodgates open in your heart, and you look down before you completely break. “I-I can’t lose you again.”

You attempt to blink your tears away, but a few manage to slide down your cheek, seeping into your pillow. Shaking your head, your lower lip quivers, and you choke out a sob.

“Y/N…”

Jeongin slips his hand out of yours and you try your best to calm your breathing. He slowly moves his hand up, gently brushing away a few stray hairs that stick to your face, and you look up at him through glassy eyes. Your vision blurs, but you sense a feeling of longing, an almost-bittersweet swirl of warmth and affection radiating from Jeongin as he gazes down at you.

As he moves to cup your cheek, wiping away a tear with the pad of his thumb, the sound of your pounding heart rings in your ears. The sensation seems to fade into the background when he begins to speak.

“I fell for you, too. I… I have been for years, actually.”

Your breath hitches in your throat at his words. He smiles tenderly at you as you sniffle, wiping away another tear.

“It’s always been you, too, Y/N, and I hate that it took so long to realize it,” he breathes out after another moment. "If anyone should be apologizing here, it’s me.”

“Jeongin…” you mumble, but he shakes his head firmly. 

“I never should’ve left the first time without saying goodbye.” The boy sighs, remorse pooling in his eyes as they meet yours. “It— it hurt so much to think about, but leaving you like that hurt even more.” His gaze drifts down for a moment and he slips his free hand into yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. Smiling lightly, he looks back up at you, his regrets replaced with a newfound conviction. “I’m not letting that happen again.”

A new sensation overwhelms you: one of relief, of euphoria. It fills the empty gaps in your chest, and causes the butterflies in your stomach to take flight. It’s as if you had been stranded at sea for years and finally found land, as if you had one puzzle piece left before everything seamlessly clicked into place. For the first time in years, everything feels right. Jeongin’s gaze, so sugary sweet like honey, makes you crave more.

His smile widens, causing yours to do the same. “I guess we have one more reason we have to make this work, then, right?”

A small giggle escapes you so quickly that you can’t even catch it. Jeongin catches the few tears—tears of happiness this time–that slip from your eyes, before pulling you into his embrace, fully immersing you in his warmth. You hug him back tightly, tucking your head into his shoulder and never wanting to let go.

“I love you, Jeongin,” you whisper.

You feel Jeongin press a light kiss to the top of your head. When he pulls away, he reaches a hand up, gently cradling the back of your head as he brushes his nose against your hair. 

“I love you, too, Y/N.” 

This image of you and Jeongin… all snuggled up, warm and safe in each other’s arms throughout the night... this feels right. This feels like home.

You’re home.

...to 25. (epilogue)

The bitter air churns around you as you step out of Jisung’s car, and you immediately regret not wearing a larger coat instead of just your cardigan. However, before you can pull it closer to you, you feel Jeongin slide his hand into yours, entwining your fingers together. Sighing contentedly, you lean into his shoulder and gaze up at him.

“You okay, there?” He rubs his thumb over the back of your hand. “I know I look dashing, but still.”

You scoff lightly. “‘M just cold, Jeongin.”

Smiling, he turns his head to face you, his breath warm against your ear.

“Okay, but try not to fall too hard for me, Miss Tuxedo Effect.” 

Rolling your eyes, you use your free hand to hit his chest. “Shut up.” 

His chuckles are like heaven in your ears. You want to hear more of it, even if it’s at your own expense. And you knew he was never going to let you live “tuxedo effect” down. Just like Jisung and his “sugarplum” ordeal, this was just another nickname you’d have to put under your belt—not that you minded much, not when you got to hear Jeongin laugh in the way he does. 

Your attention gets brought back to him once you feel him squeeze your hand lightly. Your eyes linger on him and shift to the subtle light shining from your front porch. You notice how stiff he’s gotten, wide eyes staring blankly at your house like a deer in headlights.

“You okay?” you ask quietly, rubbing the back of his hand with your thumb. 

He sighs and hesitantly nods. “Just… nervous.”

You smile. Following the events from last Christmas Eve, Jeongin moved into his new apartment close to his job at the end of January. By the beginning of summer, he and Jisung helped get you a job closer to him so you could move in with your now-boyfriend.

Despite having an extra month together after Christmas, neither of you exactly… broke it to your parents that you two got together. You don’t remember if it just slipped your minds or if you two wanted to surprise them, but either way, they’ll find out in just a few moments. Given your history with the Christmas party and Christmas as a whole, you both agreed there’s no better place to break the news.

Getting up onto your tippy-toes, you place the lightest kiss onto his cheek, but pull away far too quickly in Jeongin’s opinion. “It’ll be okay.” You squeeze his hand. “I’m right next to you.” 

He glances at you, a smile playing at his lips. “Always?” 

You hum, nodding. “Always.” Then you give him a quick once-over and huff, a grimace twisting your mouth. “But do you really need to wear that?”

Jeongin looks down at his outfit, and his smile slowly grows more bashful as he fixes the tie of his tuxedo. Meanwhile, you’re left to painstakingly replay the events from five minutes ago in your mind.

The scene itself mirrored the one from when you were sixteen: Jisung in the driver’s seat, you in the passenger seat, and Jeongin trying desperately hard to get changed in the backseat, Mariah Carey taunting him from the speakers. Every now and then, Jisung tried to push his luck by jolting the car forward. 

It was all way too similar, except this time, there was no sneaking Jeongin out of the house. Also, there was really no need for an emergency tux this time around. Yet, somehow, Jisung still convinced him to put it on.

“I just want to make a good impression,” you hear Jeongin squeak out a moment later. You look back at him and he’s frantically smoothing out his suit jacket, and a light pink blush dusts his cheeks and the tips of his ears. You have to restrain yourself from smothering the boy with kisses at the sight. 

“Babe, you already have a good impression,” you chuckle adoringly, “you grew up here, remember?”

Your boyfriend gazes at you with wide eyes, uncertainty glazing his features. You step closer to him, taking his hand in yours again.

“It’ll be okay,” you repeat, allowing Jeongin to lace your fingers together. “And Jisung did not need to bring the suit with us.”

“But it’s an emergency tux, Y/N,” Jeongin says. “You have to keep it around you in case you need it, it’s in the name!”

“This isn’t even a fancy emergency!”

“But Jisung said it’s a romantic one! That counts!”

You let out a deep sigh, but you can’t be too mad at Jisung for trying to help. “Fine, fine.” You wait a moment then wonder aloud, “Speaking of, when do you think Jisung will get back?” 

Since Jisung still lives in town, he welcomed you both back to his apartment with open arms and, in true Jisung fashion, an excessive amount of babying. He had taken the liberty of not only driving two cities away to pick you two up (he claims he came for a job interview anyway—you don’t not believe him, but you think he also just missed you two), but also dropping you both off at your house before driving off to get coffee.

Jeongin shrugs. “Who knows? He does love his coffee.”

You chuckle fondly. “He’ll catch up later.”

Pulling Jeongin by the hand, you lead the way up the pavement and to the confines of your house. 

Even though it hadn’t been long since you were last here, you missed it dearly. You also missed the way your house was now adorned with Christmas lights. Every year, your dad always seemed to outdo himself with putting up better and better lights. You are sure he had been planning it since last year, that maybe he had already started on next year’s lights, too. 

When you walk through your front door, you’re met with the smell of cinnamon and sugar cookies. There’s light Christmas music in the air and everyone is scattered around, laughing, drinking, and having a merry time. Your mom and dad are nowhere to be seen—you assume they’re in the kitchen somewhere, checking on guests or snacks. You figure you’ll bump into them eventually.

You find countless familiar faces in the sea of people. You see old families that have lived in the neighborhood since before you moved here, families that you have come to view as part of your own. You spot the kids you grew up with; some who are freshly-turned teenagers, and others who have since grown up and started their own lives. You even see Yeonjun, sharing a drink with his girlfriend.

While it was awkward between you at first, you both came to terms with what you had and what you were. You two loved each other, but not in the way that the other wanted or needed. He was a memory, carved into you like stone, but a cherished one that you will hold deep in your heart.

Your eyes meet and you both smile instantly at the sight of each other. His eyes glance back at the boy beside you and you can see how he laughs, his smile growing wider. His eyes meet yours again, he nods his head and you nod yours. 

There’s no need for spoken words. You’re both happy, and you’re both happy the other is happy. Everything you two went through, from your journeys together to your journeys apart, has led you to this moment. 

Ultimate happiness. 

Jeongin pulls your attention back to him, leading you through small groups of people, and you turn back one final time to send Yeonjun a smile. When you look back around to see where Jeongin is guiding you, you see his mom sitting at the dining table, munching away on some snacks on a paper plate. 

She looks up with a bright smile; you’re sure it’s where Jeongin got his from. However, her smile soon melts into confusion at Jeongin’s peculiar outfit. Rising from her seat, she pulls her son into a hug. 

“Hey, sweeties,” she hums, pulling away from Jeongin after a second, keeping her hands on his shoulders as she looks down at his ‘emergency tux’. “Why are you wearing a tux? It’s just the Christmas party.” 

“I told you,” you mumble from beside him. 

He huffs, pulling and lossing the tie around his neck. “I just… it’s dumb.” 

“No, no,” you pout. “You look great, don’t worry about it.” 

Chuckling, Jeongin runs a hand through his hair, his eyes landing on you as he smiles. 

“Of course you’d say that, Miss Tuxedo Effect.” 

Rolling your eyes, you mutter to yourself as Mrs. Yang giggles. 

“Well, for whatever reason you’re wearing it,” Mrs. Yang pinches Jeongin’s cheek causing him to attempt to pull away. “You look very handsome, honey sweet.” 

“T-Thanks, Mom.” 

Pulling on Jeongin’s hand, you fish into your bag, pulling out a pair of black jeans and an almost-obnoxious shade of purple sweatshirt. Dubbing them an ‘emergency change of clothes’, you now know you were right to pack them. 

“You packed spare clothes?” Jeongin asks as you shove them in his hands. 

Humming, you nod your head. “Of course, I knew Jisung would try and fill your head with some foolish idea.” 

“It wasn’t…” You cut him off with a look. He doesn't finish his sentence. 

He puts the jeans over his arm, pulling the sweatshirt out to see. You almost fail to notice the way the tips of his ears, once again, turn pink as he smiles. 

“I thought you hated this color,” he laughs. 

Pushing him forward and in the direction of the stairs, you concede. “Eh, it grew on me. Now please change.” 

Jeongin continues to laugh as he struggles against you. “I’m going, I’m going!” 

When he comes down a mere five minutes later, the now-discarded tux in his hands, you can tell he’s far more comfortable than before. He leaves it on the couch and takes his place beside you once again, slipping his hand into yours. This time, you take the initiative to thread your fingers together.

A gasp leaves Mrs. Yang’s parted lips when she notes the way her son beams down at you. A warm glow seems to encircle him, and you can almost count the specks in his sparkly eyes when you look up. There’s nothing but affection swimming in his loved-up smile—just pure endearment for you.

“Did you two?” She watches you two with wide eyes. 

You and Jeongin suddenly look away from each other. Bashfully, you let your gaze fall to the floor, and you feel a tinge of red tickle your ears, but you don’t bother to let his hand go.

He doesn’t, either. He just squeezes your hand lightly as he nods, letting out a shy giggle.

Mrs. Yang gasps again, her hands flying over her mouth. Like mother, like son.

“You did!”

Without warning, she springs up from her chair. “Oh, I have to go find your father, now!” she gushes, pulling Jeongin into a bone-crushing hug. When she lets go of your startled boyfriend, she turns to you, squeezing you tight. “And your parents, too!”

You let out an embarrassed chuckle as you hug her back. When you both part, Mrs. Yang turns on her heel and scurries to the kitchen. 

Jeongin snaps his head towards you as his mother’s figure disappears into the crowd. His lips twitch up to an amused grin—it only grows wider when you match his expression. 

You shake your head to yourself, leaning your forehead against his shoulder. You feel Jeongin’s hand snake around your back, and you let out an exasperated sigh as he pulls you into his own hug.

“Parents, am I right?” he comments. His other arm hooks snugly around your waist, bringing you in closer. You shake your head into the crook of his neck as your own arms go around the boy.

“If that’s how your mom reacts, imagine what mine’s gonna do,” you mumble into his skin.

For better or worse, you’re quickly proven right.

“Ohhh, look how cute!”

You know exactly what happens next without even moving your head. Your mother, amidst her endless gushing about how she’s been “waiting for this day for years!”, scrambles to pull her phone out of her pocket, making a beeline straight for the camera app. Her mouth is probably gaping up and down like a fish, and she’s most definitely shuffling around the crowded space for the best angle. If your and Jeongin’s fathers were dragged along, they do nothing to stop her (not that they could to begin with, but still).

You don’t need to look up to know, and you don’t want to. You’d much rather her not see how red your face is, anyway.

“Okay, don’t move!” your mother orders. “One, two…”

“Mom!” you whine, burrowing yourself further into Jeongin’s sweater.

As your mother fulfills her need for pictures, Jeongin’s giggles ring in your ears. You try to focus on that to will your embarrassment away.

“Are you done yet, Mom?” you speak after a moment. A pout forms on your lips when she tuts.

“Uh uh, I need more!”

“You don’t have enough yet?!”

“There’s never enough photos!” A hearty, teasing laugh leaves her throat, chiming over the music for a second. “You know this, sugarplum.”

“Wait, so that’s why Jisung calls you ‘sugarplum’?!” Jeongin questions. He almost pulls back to get a better look at you, but you grip onto him tighter before he has the chance.

“Yes, and that’s my sugarplum!” Another familiar voice cries out.

Stepping back from Jeongin, you turn to see Jisung standing there with a childish frown on his face. He holds a take-out cup in one hand, and lets go of a girl’s hand to point at Jeongin with the other.

Wait… who’s the girl? You’ll have to get back to that.

“You’re her boyfriend, call her ‘baby’ or ‘boo-boo’ or something,” he adds, exaggerating his pout. “I claimed ‘sugarplum’ years ago!”

You roll your eyes. Technically, your mother claimed it first, but you know she’ll let Jisung go.

“Please don’t call me ‘boo-boo’,” you say, blankly staring up at Jeongin. Instead of responding, he reaches a hand up to pinch your cheek.

“Aww, is someone blushing?” he coos.

You push his hand away with a whine, earning a giggle from him and both of your moms. “Not you, too!” 

The girl next to Jisung leans over to him and whispers something in his ear. You aren’t sure what, but the boy responds to her with an “I told youuu,” a whimsical ring to his voice.

Jeongin glances at the girl, then at you, his face twisted in bewilderment. All you can respond with is a shrug.

“Ah,” Jisung pipes up, sensing your confusion, and he gestures to the brunette next to him. “This is Lia.”

She gives you all a small wave, quickly looking down and smoothing her maroon sweater with one hand. You all exchange greetings back, and Jisung continues, a sheepish smile on his face.

“We met during college, and, uh, I ran into her at the cafe just now.” The older boy scratches at the back of his neck, and a rosy glow rises to his cheeks. “She told me she just moved here, actually, and I figured I’d show her around… make her feel at home, you know?”

A warm smile paints your lips. You think of when you first moved here, how the community welcomed you and your family with open arms. Even if your grumpy nine-year-old self didn’t appreciate it, your twenty-five-year-old self couldn’t be more grateful. “You’re gonna love it here,” you say to Lia.

Lia smiles back, and she seems to relax at your words. “Thank you.”

“Oh, aaaand,” Jisung cuts in again after a moment. He tenderly takes Lia’s hand in his, sending her a bubbly, heart-eyed grin as he swings their hands between them.

“Do you really have to open with this?” Lia says softly.

“Yes, I do!” Jisung squeaks, his voice jumping higher than normal. “They’ll get it, trust me!”

He glances hopefully at you and Jeongin, his eyes wide and bright. The two of you exchange confused looks with each other. What could he be talking about?

A second later, it clicks. Why else would Jisung be hopping up and down so eagerly, about ready to jump out of his hoodie any minute now?

“Don’t tell me you met during—” you begin.

“During the first snow!” Jisung finishes your sentence in a singsong. He tapers off with a dreamy sigh, and his eyes seem to sparkle more when they land back on an embarrassed Lia.

“He just means the second time around,” she clarifies with an awkward cough. “The first time was during spring.”

Your first instinct is to roll your eyes at your friend’s ongoing infatuation with the snow, but a fond chuckle takes its place. You had stayed up many nights talking with Jisung when you lived with him, the two of you sprawled out like starfish on your kitchen floor as you shared thoughts about the future, the simultaneous excitement and uncertainty of it all. If there was one thing Jisung was firm on, it was his hope that he’d meet The One during the first snow of winter, that the twinkling little snowflakes would be his guiding star to his person.

“Love at first snow,” was what he called it, “…you know, like you and Jeongin.” As much as you found the phrase irritating at the time, you never bothered to correct him.

But of course, it’s one thing to have hopeless romantic fantasies, and another to have them come to life. It’s kind of endearing, maybe heartwarming in a weird little-sister-figure way, to observe Jisung’s increasingly lovestruck daze as he relives the recent memory—you can practically see the hearts dancing around his head. But that’s not the point right now.

So this is the girl Jisung always texted you about during college.

You recall countless conversations about how pretty and smart and sweet she was, and even more of him blowing up your phone at three in the morning for date ideas (“the more aesthetic, the better! :D”). Even though he successfully asked her out, he still never let it go that they never saw the first snow together before they broke up.

Despite her embarrassment, Lia seems to mirror Jisung’s loved-up smile. From what he told you, they parted ways on good terms—something about both of them graduating soon and having different mindsets, he said, but they both agreed to stay friends. But something tells you that, even after all this time, they’re still on the same page about the first snow… and maybe some other matters, too.

You can see it in their eyes: the feverish look that makes their irises shimmer as they gaze at each other, the almost-overwhelming amount of affection that swims in their pupils and makes the corners of their lips twist up. You recognize it all too well—it’s the exact same way you used to look at Jeongin. Every once in a while, you still catch yourself doing it.

It’s nothing but fate, at this point, when you notice faint white pellets of snow are still hitting the window in your peripheral. An overjoyed smile of your own quickly overtakes your features, and when you look up at Jeongin, it seems like he’s thinking the same thing as you.

With an infectious giggle, Jeongin grabs your hand, but you sharply turn to Jisung and Lia before he can pull you away. Your boyfriend's small whines fall on deaf ears, and he childishly tugs at your hand as you try to get the lovebirds’ attention.

“Hey, do you wanna go see the magic snow or not?” you call out, half-teasingly and half-genuinely.

In a snap, Jisung’s lovesick daze flips into a triumphant smile as he turns to you. “So you admit it’s magic?!”

You roll your eyes, giving Jeongin’s hand a quick squeeze to calm his impatience. “I needed to get your attention somehow,” you say, “but just this once, I’ll admit it.” 

The way your friend seems to light up like a Christmas tree is enough to make you give in. You do owe him for his stunt last year, after all—you’re more than happy to let him have this one.

“Now, do you want to go see the snow or not?” you ask after another moment, a small smile etched on your lips.

“Of course I want to see the snow!” Jisung chirps.

As he looks to Lia for her response, his puppy-love daze making a return, you allow yourself to take in your surroundings. The warmth teeming around you from the Christmas party is one that never gets old, no matter how many times you come, and no matter how long you’re gone. It brings a wave of peace to your heart, even as a couple of screaming children run a lap around you and your friends.

Your chipper boyfriend begins to pull you to the front door with him, making you lose your step for a second, and you find yourself meeting Yeonjun’s eyes from across the house one more time. Before you lose sight of him, you nod to the window several feet away from him, sending him a wink to him before you turn around. Even if you weren’t meant to be his love at first snow, the least you can do is make sure he got his.

By the time you look away, Jeongin has already pulled you both to the front door, Jisung and Lia already dressed and waiting for you two. Hastily, he throws on his coat before he scrambles through the pile of shoes by the doormat to find his own pair.

You’re about to do the same, then you realize…

“Right, I forgot my—”

“Your jacket?” Jisung calls out. Without another word, he digs into his backpack and tosses you the coat you left behind at his apartment earlier. You slip it on with a relieved smile, mouthing a ‘thank you’ before getting your shoes on and swinging the door open for all four of you.

Soft, puffy snowflakes dot the ground around you as you begin your stroll down the sidewalk. You hear Jisung and Lia’s musings behind you, but they fade into a quiet buzz as all the memories from your childhood flash before your eyes. The houses you pass by are ones you used to see everyday on the way home from school, and the sidewalks are ones you used to run around on during the weekends. You never would’ve thought you’d be back now, reliving it all with the people you love most.

It gets even better, though, when Jeongin nudges your shoulder, and points to a grassy area coming up ahead. You follow his finger and gasp, immediately recognizing the spot.

Reaching for his hand, you break into a sprint and pull the boy with you to the neighborhood park, the two of you almost tripping due to the slippery snow. The park is almost the exact same as it was when you first moved. Some parts had been upgraded over time, whereas others still seemed heavily used and loved by the younger children around the neighborhood.

Your eyes glaze around the small park and you could almost see a vision of nine-year-old you, standing near your mother as she pushes you to speak to the other children—to make some new friends. You could practically see nine-year-old Jeongin hanging upside-down from the monkey bars, adorned in that now less-obnoxious purple sweater. 

You wonder what nine-year-old you would think if she saw where you are now, with Jeongin’s hand wrapped tightly around your own. You wonder what she’d have to say about the way your cheeks tickled pink, not only from the cold, but also from the way Jeongin’s gaze lingered on you for a moment too long, and the way his lips tugged into a soft smile whenever you looked back at him.

Tugging lightly on Jeongin’s hand, you lead the both of you over towards the monkey bars, his whines falling on deaf ears as you drop his hand from your grasp to climb up the metal bars. Once you’re sat down in the most comfortable position you can, the cold metal sending shivers down your spine, you beckon Jeongin to join you. 

“Sit with me.” You smile down at him, one hand keeping you steady as the other makes grabby hands in Jeongin’s direction. 

Jeongin huffs. “But it’s so cold.” 

However, his words fall short when he still begrudgingly makes the small climb up. He lets his legs dangle through the holes, his knees knocking against your own lightly. 

A gust of cold air causes you to shiver and as a response, you pull your coat closer to you. This seems to make Jeongin chuckle fondly, and you feel his eyes linger on you for a second before he looks out at the horizon. The falling snowflakes glisten under the remnants of the sunlight, and the holiday lights emit a breathtaking glow. You’re both still not tall enough to see much above the houses in front of you, but that’s okay—you know what lies beyond it.

“You know, I never thought we’d be back here,” you mumble. A giggle escapes you as you watch the stars slowly make their appearance above you.

Jeongin has a giggle of his own as something on the monkey bars catches his eye. “I can’t believe it’s still here,” he continues to laugh, causing you to redirect your gaze. 

“What do you mean?” 

He runs his fingers lightly over the faded black ink scrawled across the top of the monkey bars. 

Y/N and Jeongin, 2010.

“No way,” you gasp, trying your best to lean over to see it better without falling. “I thought they replaced the park equipment years ago.” 

Looking up at you, Jeongin smiles. “Obviously not all of it.” 

He fishes around in his pocket for a second and before you can question anything, he pulls out a black marker pen and unclips the lid. 

“What are you–” 

Your sentence goes unfinished, however, when he leans over and adds a small section under his own nine-year-old handwriting. 

And forevermore.

Your heartstrings are played like a violin as you watch Jeongin cap the pen back up, a pleased smile etched on his lips. When he finally comes back to reality, noticing your gaze, he shrugs. 

“What?” he says. “Had to add it and make it official.” 

“We’ve been official for a year, I don’t think the monkey bars would mind.” 

Jeongin rolls his eyes, a chuckle escaping him. “What if some kids read it? Surely, they’ll love to know the story has a happy ending?” 

If you weren’t afraid of falling, you would have jumped on him, showering his face in the most kisses possible. However, for both his and your safety, you opt for words instead.

“I love you,” you breathe, beaming at him. You’ve never said anything more true in your life. 

His smile mirrors your own. “I love you too.” 

You look back at the sky as Jeongin shoves his pen and hands back in his pockets, the dopey grin on your face growing wider, if that was even possible. Another giggle escapes you when you feel a drop of snow hit your nose. This is everything to you—it’s ultimate happiness.

But there’s one thing missing.

“I can’t believe I forgot,” you say, your gaze falling back down. 

Raising an eyebrow, he looks at you in curiosity. “Yeah?” he responds, and you stare back with a cheeky smile.

“Stay for Christmas?”

Jeongin shakes his head, but his giggles still fill your ears, sending your heart into shockwaves of emotions, like the ripples after a stone hitting the water. The tips of his ears as well as his cheeks glow pink under the streetlight that has just flicked on. You can’t tell if it’s from the cold or from you, but you wish for it to be the latter. 

“You know you don’t have to say that anymore, right?” Jeongin asks, gazing at you with a look that makes it hard to catch a breath. 

“I know,” you exhale, “but it’s basically tradition now, it’s a must.”

“Well, tradition or not…” Jeongin begins. He slips his hand from out of his pocket to grab and entwine your fingers with his own. His heat seeps into you as he runs his thumb over the back of your hand. “…I’m here to stay.” 

He uses his other hand to tap lightly on the recently-added handwriting, his words echoing around in your ears. “Forevermore.” 

Your eyes are all soft and sparkly as you smile at him, giving his hand a squeeze before letting the air around you fall silent. A contented sigh escapes your parted lips, forming a faint puff in the cold air as you watch the fluffy, white crystals above you flutter down.

Jeongin started off as a mere stranger, nothing but the awkward boy in an ugly sweater. Sixteen years later, he’s sitting with you atop the same monkey bars upon which you two met as so much more. He’s your best friend, your childhood playmate, your built-in Mario Kart partner. He’s your teenage crush, your love at first snow, your stay for Christmas—and all that only you two know it entails.

Perhaps, most important of all, Jeongin is home. And as long as you have Jeongin, you’ll always know your way back.

[myaoiboy]

Rating All The Metal Gears By Hotness

No, not the characters. Yes, literally the Metal Gears. If I forgot any, let me know.

Metal Gear TX-55 - 4/10

This is just a lil guy. A friend, even. Reminiscent of a gonk droid from Star Wars. Sucks that he was made to do murdering. I can see where someone would find appeal, but not really for me.

Metal Gear D - 6/10

This one I can see. He got some depth to him. Kinda shiny. More smooth, less boxy. Kind of insectoid. In most franchises this would be like an 8, but it gets knocked down because of what comes later being so much sexier.

Also can I say that MG2's spriting? Mwah. Chef's kiss. So pretty. Didn't even read the intro the first time I started it up bc I was marveling at the pretty spritework. I fucking love good spritework, just find it so much more satisfying than equivalent-quality 3D art.

Metal Gear G - 2/10

Never actually completed or seen in game. Was supposed to be a smaller, mass produced version of D. Kinda sexy, loses points for being so fictional that it's only theoretical even in the games.

Metal Gear REX - 7/10

OOOO YEAH, NOW WE'RE TALKIN'!! SHINKAWA ERA BAYBEY!!! Man's got impeccable taste. He could make a literal slab of titanium look inviting.

Rex is not the sexiest Metal Gear to me, partly bc Otacon treats it like a son or a pet dog and I find a 25-yo's son-analogue to be offputting. BUT. I must concede. REX is the blueprint for all the sexy traits to come. He's got the hips. He's got the saunter. He's just a lil too brutalist for me.

Metal Gear RAY - 11/10

I know I have psychological problems because this thing's childbearing hips and murderous mandibles distract me during the boss fight.

Why is it so sexy?? What the fuck?? It's like mecha furrybait but specifically for people who are into garrus mass effect. Please tell me I'm not the only one, I'm pretty sure my boyfriend thinks I'm insane.

Arsenal Gear - 4/10

Basically just an aircraft carrier. I would say not fuckable but it DOES, canonically, have a digestive tract and asshole so like. Technically fuckable I think. But at what cost?

Honorable mention for making me deal with Raiden's daddy issues and fight the sexy mech in this thing's enormous rectum (damn near killed 'em).

Shagohod - 4/10

Not technically a metal gear. I can see the appeal, but it doesn't *quite* nail the drider-esque niche for me. It does get a bonus point for the way it moves being kinda sensual tho. Additional bonus point for being piloted by an evil fa-

Intercontinental Ballistic Metal Gear - 0/10

literally could not even find an image of this that wasn't completely dwarfed by the Saturn V rocket attached to it. Not really much to look at. If you've always wanted to fuck a Saturn V, I guess this would be a good way to get introduced.

Metal Gear RAXA - 2/10

Somehow managed to capture "first day of kindergarten" energy in a death machine. I could be convinced based on its behavior tho. Damn, Portable Ops kind of an L design-wise, huh?

Gekkos - 9.5/10

WHY DOES IT HAVE SQUISHABLE THIGHS?? SIR???

And the feet. Like, we gotta talk about the feet. Why? Why the toes? Why does it stomp on me with its weirdly well-defined toes??? Did they make this mech specifically to appeal to dinosaur foot fetishists? Why does it bleed? Why does it MOO???

Extremely fuckable to the point that it loses half a point purely because it *feels* like horny bait.

Dwarf Gekkos - 7.5/10

This is an object that feels like it was designed by and for lesbians. I have no notes. Slightly offputting only due to the odd number of hands but it IS the perfect number for some activities, so honestly that may be a plus.

Metal Gear Mk II/III - 1/10

Adorable. Not fuckable. This is a gopro with a personality. Not to be confused with the vampiric gopro with a personality from Ultrakill, V1. Literally just a baby.

Outer Haven - 5.5/10

Only technically a Metal Gear by virtue of technically being a stolen Arsenal Gear which is technically a Metal Gear. Gains .25 each for being the site of the infamous russian tuant

and whatever fucked up display of devoted homosexuality this is:

also additional bonus point for being piloted by an evil fa-

Pupa - 3/10

This is just the Shagohod but with an AI pod. -1 for being touched by Huey, but balanced out by the +1 from being made by Strangelove. Even if it IS creepy that she made her dead crush/girlfriend's psyche pilot it around.

Crysalis - 6/10

Not super sexy but it does fly and has a rail gun where one could feasibly conceptualize a dick. Kinda MILF-like (has mini-drones). Has a grappling hook, so could do bondage. Probably would, ngl.

Cocoon - 1/10

Pupa, but less sexy. I barely even remember this boss fight because the game became such a rush right around here, pushing you to the postgame/first ending.

Peace Walker - 7/10

Weird dog, functioning by sheer lesbian willpower. She is beauty, she is grace, she would probably rate a lot higher if my emulator didn't suck ass and make me angry every time I see her now, fuck that bitch.

Rage aside, who doesn't love killing their momgirlfriend and then reliving that multiple times throughout the course of a single game, culminating in her just straight up pulling a Virginia Woolf.

Metal Gear Zeke - 6/10

Really just nothing that special. Okay, wait, +2 for being piloted by an evil little girl in her panties for some fucking reason.

Also +1 for the sick ass boss fight.

Walker Gear(s) - 8/10

HERE we go!!! Hell Yeah Babey!!! Basically human sized! Has lil Fuckin' Roller Skates!!! Carries My Ammo! My Best Friend! (Okay, third best friend, after Quiet and DD)

Yeah Huey developed it but it gets WAY more bonus points for letting me manhandle him.

Sahelanthropus - 7/10

I can't deny the raw sex appeal of Sahelanthropus. Also, it's literally piloted by pubescent rage which is something I deeply resonate with ngl.

HOWEVER it DOES get docked points for uhhh

-getting strangelove killed

-making baby otacon a child soldier

-huey :/

Battle Gear - 0/10

Is there even a single frame of this entire thing? Especially without Huey??

negative 1 billion points for blue balling me in the late game, i want to ride this motherfucker right into the kgb outposts and let 'em have it for what they did to babygirl

[standupcomedyhistorian]

Today (12/16/23) is the 10th anniversary of one of my favorite comedy specials—

what.

Yes, it's been a whole decade since Bo Burnham graced the world with his YouTube special (and now major comics are following his model lol). While people think of what. as a Netflix special, Bo's plan was to distribute it freely via the internet on 12/17/13 (and he took a pay cut to make it happen!).

Here are some other fun facts about Bo's second comedy special:

1. The trailer is filmed in the Ruhm, Bo's guesthouse and studio that makes an appearance again in Make Happy and in a little special called INSIDE 😉

2. This comedy special was Bo's first professional collaboration with Chris Storer (creator of The Bear) after they met on Adventures in the Sin Bin and it marks Bo's first time directing. They would go on to co-direct Make Happy together and Bo's obviously directed MANY items since, including his incredible story about a teenage girl called Eighth Grade!

3. Bo begins the special wearing three pairs of pants—two red ones and one black pair—a white tee, a dark gray hoodie, confetti in one pocket, a pack of playing cards in his OTHER pocket, and his mouth is full of water. Damn, that's a lot of stuff! 🤯

4. But he doesn't have the water IN his mouth for the stool scene! That was spliced together with the live performance footage (and pretty seamlessly, clearly, since folks asked him about it online).

5. The song Repeat Stuff has a brilliant music video that accompanies it. And the girl that Bo murders at the end is none other than the Vice President's stepdaughter! That's right, Ella Emhoff is Kamala Harris's daughter through marriage, and she is a famous model and artist.

6. Speaking of that music video, the exterior of the house Bo breaks into at the beginning is Bo and Lorene's own home at the time. And that house was used in The Nightmare Before Elm Street franchise (a fact the realtors emphasized when selling the place in 2021—I would have focused on Bo's studio personally haha).

7. The music video also has a cameo from one of Bo's friends, Paul Scheer, as the manager! I actually met Paul at a Human Giant event back in the day, and he was very nice (along with Aziz Ansari and Rob Huebel).

8. While Bo released his special entirely for free, he did have two other items that were for sale at the time—the what. CD (recorded in Madison, WI, thus he says "Get on my level, Madison" in Sad) and his book of poems Egghead. I own the poetry book, obviously, but I cannot find the CD for sale anywhere.

If you or someone you know is willing to sell their copy, PLEASE DM me! It's the only item he put out that I don't own in some capacity—and I would love to complete the collection! 🥰

9. Egghead is amazing in both its print and audiobook versions. In fact, the latter is like a whole separate comedy special and well worth the price to hear Bo reading so enthusiastically and with different hilarious voices. Highly recommended...and I have a kid-friendly list of poems here if you're interested.

10. Finally, what. features two of my favorite subversive bits: Andy the Frog and the Fishing song.

I was thinking a fun video idea would be to create a Bo Burnham "Kids Show" with all of his darkest routines that seem like they came out of a demented Sesame Street (so like Wonder Showzen haha).

Here's the potential order:

-Disney Lessons (Words Words Words)

-what. Intro (starting with "melted into childlike wonder" to Lizard)

-How to Make the Perfect PB Sandwich

-A Slow Joke

-Andy the Frog

-The Squares poem

-Fishing in the Park

-How the World Works (can include Outtakes Bo and Socko as well)

-YouTuber Thank You

Anyway, I just think that would be hysterical if any editor wants to take a crack at it. Please give me credit tho! ✌🏼🐔

[thedeal-if]

How would the RO’s react to a very stoic, tall, intimidating MC that gets immediately shy when they start flirting with them? 🫣

😳💕 tall MC.

Dante was admittedly a little intimidated by MC's first impression of stoicism. His character is so open and expressive that when someone isn't like that Dante is very much taken back. He also has the social awareness of a walnut, meaning he doesn't understand that people have different layers. Needless to say, he's beyond confused when he sees MC getting shy. Dante always creates an image in his head right after meeting a person and it's hard for him to change his mind. Seeing MC being this completely different person... yes, it's a delightful surprise. It definitely gives him a loads of confidence to see MC flustered. Like he has the upper hand, and that's something he's not used to. Dante would glow if anything he did managed to render MC shy and speechless. He'd make sure not to point out this duality just in case it broke the spell.

It's as if Lilith always knew MC would be a shy one. When MC is stoic Lilith barely bats an eyelash. Most demons aren't allowed to show emotions either way, so she knows how to interact with intimidating individuals, how to coax them out of their shell little by little. However, Lilith much prefers it when people are open about their thoughts. And there isn't anything more open and honest than MC being shy. If Lilith portrays any surprise it's most likely meant to be teasing. Lilith might seem ruthless when she takes interest in someone—like she could flirt them to death—, but in reality she would be quite careful. She is always quiet and attentive, smiling supportingly at MC as they get shy, waiting and flirting only if she knows that's something MC is comfortable with.

Josh knows MC and he's used to them being that way. He secretly found it hilarious to see people intimidated by his best friend (it's an even bigger secret that as a child Josh might have felt just like them). What Josh doesn't know, or doesn't realize, is that MC is shy. It definitely takes him by surprise. I think it'd make for an interesting and cute dynamic between the two: MC gets shy and Josh's flirting is more like coy banter. He wouldn't want to be openly flirty because he's scared of it all being in his head, even if Josh sometimes knows he's being flirted with. Regardless, seeing MC flustered is something Josh has always found adorable.

It's hard to say whether Villanelle was intimidated or not by MC at any point in their lives. She's very unpredictable (read: a reckless little shit who enjoys getting other people to open up to her). Villanelle would look so cute with a tall and intimidating MC tho lol they'd be polar opposites. Once she realizes about MC's other side any semblance of fear or intimidation gets flung out the window. Villanelle would find MC adorable. She's not even overly flirty in the first place but she'd try extra hard just to see how flustered MC can get (only to break the facade and start complementing them on their cuteness).

Victor would take the longest to even form an opinion on any aspect regarding MC lol he's not really interested on anything or anyone besides his goals. Much like Dante he does tend to create an image of people in his head and stick to it, and a stoic/intimidating MC would be someone he'd initially like (Victor likes quietness) and even come to respect just because he might think they're tough. I can't imagine Victor even realizing that MC is shy around them lol he wouldn't flirt with them and he wouldn't pay much attention to things like that. But! If he did: Victor would give MC very casual and surprising compliments out of the blue, and he'd even seem smug by MC's reaction.

Aliyah is an interesting case because no matter who MC is or how MC behaves she's going to hate their guts just because they're a human. So she'd hate an intimidating/stoic MC just as much as she'd hate a cute and bubbly MC. That being said if they're ever so remotely flustered by anything Aliyah says/does, she's. Going. To. Notice. She just knows. And she looks like the cat who got the cream. Aliyah has conflicting emotions on any human flirting with her. It's honestly kinda dumb in her opinion (because she knows she's not nice/likeable, and so MC must be crazy to see her that way). But! Her ego would be so fed lol. She'd secretly enjoy any kind of attention. Aliyah isn't all that flirty but she would try and purposely fluster MC under the excuse of wanting to see how they'd react.

Nathan is a little shit regardless of MC's height, disposition and demeanor. He's always trying to push people's buttons in an attempt to get them to show their true colors. MC isn't an exception (just another victim of the nearly-fallen angel). Nathan wouldn't have a strong opinion on MC being stoic, but he would find it insanely entertaining to fluster them. He's kinda eccentric and weird and his attempts might not be that successful all the time but you can't say that Nathan doesn't try lol. It makes for a fun dichotomy when Azriel comes into play because the embodiment of Nathan's corruption (I had to look up whether I had revealed that or not lol) is very honest and endearing.

Eden isn't tall but she's kind of intimidating and she'd unconsciously enjoy MC being practical and quiet like her. When it comes to flirting she's just not experienced at all lol, much like Victor it would take her a while for her brain to catch up with the situation and go ‘… this is happening.’ After panicking quietly about that fact for a while, Eden would just decide to go with his gut and MC better be ready to witness Earth's most honest and most awkward flirting.

[garbagesimp]

LEONARDO

Gets EXTREMELY ANGRY when someone (other than donnie) calls him Nardo. it’s a twin thing. get over it.

on a same but slightly different note: leo never yells. like he “yells” when he’s excited or in the middle of the fight but he NEVER gets hot-angry. he only gets cold-angry and uses the extra energy it generates to just dig at the other person. like he starts digging a hole, hands them the shovel, says “get to it asshole” and they dig their own graves.

scarily persuasive. could coax nuclear codes out of a brainwashed, lizard being, warcrime committing government official and get away with it.

transmasc with a sprinkle of extremely gay. whenever i see someone go “leo is straight >>:[[[[[” i think “have they ever even?? watched rottmnt????” cause like other iterations? totally, yeah, mans straight as fuck (or transfem but we’re not here for that rn) THIS VERSION THO? have you seen the way he stands??

splinter doesn’t play favorites but if he did it would be leo because he reminds splinter the most of himself. which also gets him the title of least favorite, but that happens with everyone. splinter ain’t special.

is. terrifyingly good at reading body language. can tell you’re lying before you even lie. is part of the reason he’s so good at getting under peoples’ skin

toxic trait #1: intentionally pokes at insecurities!! like that scene in the movie where leo pretends to not be listening when raph is spilling his damn heart out?? THAT’S A COMMON OCCURANCE. he mostly does it when he’s frustrated with how little his family trusts him. major soft spot for him. so of course he lashes out, cause that’s how the Hamato family roll.

(minor tangent: the fact that so many 2012/rise crossovers focus on how dysfunctional the 2012 fam are while glorifying and praising the rise fam just like. completely ignore the negative traits, especially with raph and leo? like mikey too, but they completely disregard raph’s lack of trust in his brothers and leo’s shitty communication skills. i have more to say about this but i’ll do that in a different post)

to the people who write fics or draw comics or even just CLAIM that leo spend days/months in the prison dimension: first of all how dare you make me feel things second of all i can only justify this alternative telling of events if leo loses his right leg or his left arm. yes it has to be one of those two specifically, if you know you know.

toxic trait #2: is actually Just That Cocky. is it partially a defense mechanism? yup. does he actually think he is god? YUP.

not explicitly amoral but would do A Lot for the sake of his brothers. like Raph and Donnie take it further than Leo would, but people would die.

became the medic of the group because of his idolization of Raph. got his first medkit when he was around eight or nine, but starting researching when he was seven. raph Really Really wanted to help patch up his brothers but his “clumsy hands” couldn’t manage the precision work his dad could do, but because of Splinter’s terrible vision (it’s a rat thing) he struggled to do it on his own. hence Leo stepping in, because Donnie was usually the one getting hurt (and also hates the smell and look of blood) and Mikey was still like, really young.

is probably chaotic neutral? might be chaotic good. i struggle with alignments but i think it works.

[rafesgoldrings]

p.s. this is all over the place, i’m so sorry and i’m so sorry for constantly saying “like” I can’t help it

hey i’m just venting bc I have no real friend lmaoooo but today at work, (i work at an assisted living place), my mangers and head people had an meeting with our residents and my manager told me that they said the residents love me and they are going to miss me when I go back to college and just positive things stuff like that.

I was in shock tbh and felt so idk happy, proud idk bc i’ve only been working there since like june 10th so i’m just happy, i’m making them happy ig.

then we have an head manager guy (idk his actual title) but he’s always given me compliments on my work ethic and stuff. he’s super nice and kind as well.

but anyways I just wanted to get that out bc this is like the first time I feel like i’ve done something good in my life. I started tearing up actually bc the residents were genuinely meaning they appreciate me, love me, and love seeing me come in.

like some residents will say “theirs our favorite girl”, “pretty girl”, “we missed you yesterday”, “I appreciate your service”, “thank you for all that you do” and idk if i’ll keep this job forever, I mean I know I won’t bc I need to move on to bigger and better things but stuff like this makes me so idk guilty that i’ll have to leave them soon even tho half won’t even remember me

the whole building is just super nice and I can’t handle all the compliments, I feel almost bad for receiving them especially since i’m pretty new.

like the amount of praise I got today was just so overwhelming and basically it made me feel proud myself but also guilty for some reason

i’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense I just needed to tell someone

thanks for reading or not reading, which is completely fine I just needed to again get that out lmaoo💀

Don’t even worry about saying “like” too many times because I overuse it all the time😭

First off that’s great that in such a short time they already like you that much, that’s huge! It sounds like you do a great job and they really appreciate you for everything you do.

Secondly, I wouldn’t feel guilty about eventually leaving. They would want you to move on to bigger things and do good for yourself! Everyone leaves a job eventually, that’s just a part of life. Think about the positive impact you’d be leaving instead of the guilt of leaving, think about all the good you did and all the smiles you caused. Sometimes that’s enough for a person to get through a rough day, they’ll remember you and your bright personality and even for just a split second it’ll make them feel better.

Sometimes they need a new person to come in and give them a new perspective. I think someone who is obviously so kind and good at their job can make any job easier to get through and you’re that person despite how long you’ve been there. I don’t think half of them will just forget despite how hard that is to believe. I think with how much they like you already, you’ll forever leave them with a profound effect.

Thirdly, I totally get the guilt. It’s hard to think that someone who’s only been there for a short period of time deserves those kinds of compliments compared to someone that’s been working there for years. But it’s also okay to be like “you know what, I work hard and do a damn good job. I deserve to be told that and appreciated from my co workers” because you do! You deserve to have people tell you they’re proud of you, you deserve to be praised for working hard, you deserve to have those sweet words said to you when you walk in for work. Obviously I can’t stop you from feeling guilty because you know…thoughts….but I can say that they wouldn’t praise you that way and talk to other people about you in such a positive light if you didn’t deserve it babe! You’re going to do such good things in life and i’m proud of you for everything you’ve done to get to where you are🫶🏻🫶🏻

[horizon-verizon]

Thank you for recommending more amazing blogs!

I'll be sure to check them out!

and oh my god I know right the costumes?

and listen,okay,they aren't even a little accurate for any kind of time period they are supposedly represting but on top of all that they are also so boring and bland?

Like okay for peasants sure,they have better things to do that worry about fashion but this is royalty come on!

Especially if it is supposed to be a statement!

Don't get me started on wigs,the one that offends the most other than the entire Velarayion family is Daemon's!

Like look what they did to my boy?

Matt Smith is a very attractive man with very unique features and from what I saw short hair suits him best.

And yeah I know he has long hair in the books but if you can some many liberties with everything else surely it wouldn't bee asking too much right?

I think I love him when returns from the stepstones the best other than the ugly ass crown.

that hairstyle suits him.keep that.

Aemond's actor has a face that is suited for the long wig keep that

Heleana is actually invisible most of the time so I don't mind the wig

I guess we can forgive the Aegon one too,looks a little too fake sometimes tho,the man is pretty so he looks good anyway I guess

while on subject of hair and wigs, Rhaenyra's when I read the book I kinda imagined Lucretia from the Borgias or something?The elaborate hairstyles and all?

Meanwhile what is up with Rhaenys,didn't she have darker hair in the books?

I swear to God these writers put everyone in the wig and made absolutely everyone not distinctive so that whole Rhaenyra has bastards more obvious.

Kinda reminds me of that whole Cersei and her kids debacle when hair was used as distinctive trait because apparently all of Robert's bastards had dark hair and that therefore mean she is cheating and like?

Ok I know she is but that is most flimsy excuse for some cucking someone ever?

Like did Robert have a Lannister bastard somewhere?How do you know that Lannister genes just aren't stronger huh?

But yeah feudal society and all that jazz.

But seriously when I saw that they cast mostly black actors as Velarayion's I was kinda confused?

I don't particularly care either way but like they weren't in the books were they?

Kinda felt to me like they were leaning really hard into that Rhaenyra's kids are bastards obviously because look they are all white as hell or something?

Like I hope it's not something like that but that casting makes no sense and of course everyone was amazing in the miniscule roles they had but if this is supposed to be some sort of representation for anyone,they really dropped the ball?

They seemed to be kinda portray as greedy and bitter or just not important at all?

Rhaenys is old and bitter and overall a moron in Aegon's coronation scene, doesn't seem to have any connection to any of her family despite growing up with them?

Corlys just seems to be there to be disseagred by Viserys and Otto both for being too greedy.

Laenor is just a witless gay love interest.

Laena is crazy and delusional and completely unimportant and apparently content being Daemon's doormat despite having the biggest fuck off dragon there?

I saw people saying her death was epic?it was stupid,what it was,was stupid.

Traumatic for her kids and Daemon, horrifying for herself and it manages to make everyone in that keep look like an absolute moron how exactly did that heavily pregnant woman manage to escape all of you?

Like it comes off as surface level cool her and Rhaenys both but then you consider it and it's actually a dumb,like remember the time Daenerys burned all the food vagons or whatever in season 6/7?

This is worse.

And that's this whole family,Baela and Rhaena don't even have a character other than to show that Daemon sucks as a dad despite the fact Laena would have kicked his ass for it and aslo why would he a terrible father?I don't understand this take?

And of course the one scene that involves the Velarayion's is when Daemon the crazy white guy inbred supremacist went and killed the innocent completely in the right random brother of Corlys that spoke the truth about Rhaenyra and her kids despite the fact that every normal ruler would have them killed too,all so the mainstream audience can yell afoul about racism and white privilege and crazy Targaryens and Daemon the psycho?They literally recreated Ned's execution here but with racial implication,with Daemon being Joffrey and the executioner here and this is somehow respectful and we'll handled to anyone?

Not saying that black actors can't be villians or be killed by white villians but I am just saying that an obvious social justice racial implication was tried here.

Everyone here comes across as one dimensional and bland expect Daemon and they keep giving the Greens more and more poor baby traits but it clashes so badly with their established characters that it gives a whiplash?

Like I am not sure if I should be concerned or not,I go to ao3 and Aemond is one of the most popular characters,tho this is usually common when a character is unbelievably bland,blank and boring and a conventionaly attractive actor plays them,so what does that say about this character?

People rewrite him to suit their needs I guess.

No but seriously,they gave the Green characters sad backstories but no character to speak off and agency,not to mention on top of all that because they changed so much characters come across as idiots.

Especially with all this fantasy bullshit too.

Heleana sees the future, doesn't do shit with it other exposition because they established it so poorly that they need to remind you somehow that this story ended in a bloody dynastic dispute.

Because really what does Rhaenyra and Aegon have with each other?They haven't spoken to each other once!

Why is Aegon convinced that Rhaenyra is good for the throne when he's been raised by anti black team and doesn't know her personally?

Why doesn't she want the throne is he that aware and concerned about his short comings and yet he doesn't absolutely anything to change it and the people in the Green team just apparently love miserable people who apparently the entire world is against that refuse to shit for themselves and expect pity from you?

Seriously the coronation is a out to happen and this guy is in a brothel?Okay that should tell us he doesn't respect the position,terrible spoiled,privileged etc but no apparently that was him trying to not get crowned or something?

Seriously the plot is trying really hard to make you sympathize with him but like okay of he was supposed the spoiled privileged son of the king and he doesn't want the throne and yet he is still here enjoying privileges?Is he insane or an idiot?is everyone here just insane?

Mf ffss you have a whole ass dragon you could have been in Naath by now!

Done,no conflict, expect maybe if they put Aemond or something but neither he or Aegon are the rightful rulers here.

I wouldn't trust this guy with a bowl of cereal much less the kingdom?

This is supposed be the guy that dismissed Otto and put Aemond the psycho as his hand?

But this again has been put here so the green team could look innocent in comparison because look Aegon didn't want the throne and mean Rhaenyra started all this

Listen being complacent and not doing anything is just as bad as doing something.

There was plenty of time for this guy to dip but no because the actual character isn't like this.

Aemond is a straight up psycho.They legit gave him psycho killer he was bullied as a kid backstory.And that apparently justified everything else.The fuck?

This idiot that openly talks about treason on someone's funeral and openly admits that he would steals his brother's wife and that he deserves the crown because he is obviously so much better than his weak incompetent brother?like anyone who likes this character,I am not judging I am just saying you made a bold choice.he comes across as a parody of what the writers think they wrote Daemon as and Daemon is still better because grrm didn't give Aemond depth at all and you can just see who's the better writer

And then this fucker is arguing about rights and the rightful heir and calling people whores and bastards, don't these people realize how insane they come off across?you are defending this maniac killing someone who in his standards is collateral damage because he has better blood or because your mother and father are actually married?insanity.try and justify this to anyone who isn't a crazy blood supremacist

Like the show itself stated that Rhaenyra tried and failed which means uncomfortable lay back and think of England already with a gay person but wouldn't that also means that Leanor is probably just infertile considering bit obviously isn't Rhaenyra

But obviously Rhaenyra is at fault for everything and Daemon too probably

Not to mention Aemond and his siblings are all half breeds too so even by his own crazy blood supremacy logic this doesn't work but he is a man so of course he is better and they call him a feminist

Man was blind and deluded when he had both eyes now he's just insane too girl bye

Honestly for heaven's sake if this was a murder mystery Aemond is that one idiot who bragged about how much he hates the victim and that he learned this really cool slashing trick with his new cool sword.idiot.

Why isn't Aegon afraid of him or something?He bullied him with the others too or does Aemond just see people who aren't family as okay to belittle and trample? Isn't this something they usually accuse of Daemon too?Also Alicent is shown being okay with this too.You may cuff him about at home as much as you want but outside we are united.Or something.

Also not a fan of this whole dragons don't listen to their riders thing either,like bye.Iy just so happens that the one time the dragon goes crazy is the one horrible act that Aemond pulled on his own volition?

I can't even blame the dragon here,you chased the child with it what was Vhagar supposed to do here?

Alicent is a straight up delusional doormat too.Under the impression that if she married Rhaenyra's father they could still somehow be friends,wanting Rhaenyra to respect the rules and be as miserable as she is because she lacks a spine and the show wants me to believe that they are still somehow friends?

And the show frames Alicent as helping her and being sad as if she is in the right here too!!

At least Aegon and Alicent both parallel the absolute lack of spine here that's something. Ah but Otto forced them both and yet they accepted.

And the show tells me Otto is a good father and wants the best for the kingdom or something and Daemon is insane ahah sure Jan.

Alicent know what the fuck she was doing what exactly prevented her from asking Viserys how Rhaenyra is on their nightly talks?She could have went to Rhaenyra too!

It is a miracle that no one saw any of it and ruined someone's reputation and made a scandal.

Viserys annoys so much too.How does someone compare your brother,your heir,to like the worst person in your whole family tree and you just go yeah but he's still my blood so I am stuck with him.

Imagine your siblings being compared to like Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer and you not decking whoever just told you that shit right there.Especially as the king.

Meanwhile the one time Corlys says anything even slightly iffy about Viserys,Daemon immediately cuts that out.

Like seriously Viserys how does Otto know this much about your daughter and brother,he is spying this is a red flag what normal monarch just waves this off?

Sword prophecy is stupid too.

And Daemon murdering his wife just didn't happen full stop,there is a difference between adapting and cheery picking to suit your biased needs.

Tldr;the show is wildly inconsistent,thank God for the cast and the brand because otherwise?doom.

@shokos-lazy-life

Damn, this was much.

I like Matt Smith in every wig except for the ones starting from episode 8. the short one was my favorite, with the episode 3 one my second favorite.

Childhood Helaena's wig w/o braids was atrocious.

"while on subject of hair and wigs, Rhaenyra's when I read the book I kinda imagined Lucretia from the Borgias or something?The elaborate hairstyles and all?"

I imagined Rhaenyra's hair to mostly be loose before marriage and both loose, up, and in updos after marriage. Lucrezia from the Borgias is a great reference, loved her hairstyles. Her style in general, female aristocratic Italian Renaissance style in general really. Yes, Rhaenyra would be decked out like her.

"Meanwhile what is up with Rhaenys,didn't she have darker hair in the books?"

Yes, she inherited black/dark brown hair from her Baratheon mother, Jocelyn. The daughter of Alyssa Velaryon (Jaehaerys I's mother) and Rogar Baratheon. As she gets older, Rhaenys gets white strips in her dark hair.

"Kinda reminds me of that whole Cersei and her kids debacle when hair was used as distinctive trait because apparently all of Robert's bastards had dark hair and that therefore mean she is cheating and like?"

This is in canon as well, that all of Cersei's kids are blond, which later inspires Ned to look through the Baratheon family notes. He finds out that Baratheons, even when having bastards with Lannisters, have dark-haired scions. So in the case of the Baratheons, the probability that the kid of a Baratheon and any other house will turn out to have dark hair is very high. High enough that it's justifiably expected.

"But seriously when I saw that they cast mostly black actors as Velarayion's I was kinda confused? I don't particularly care either way but like they weren't in the books were they? Kinda felt to me like they were leaning really hard into that Rhaenyra's kids are bastards obviously because look they are all white as hell or something? Like I hope it's not something like that but that casting makes no sense and of course everyone was amazing in the miniscule roles they had but if this is supposed to be some sort of representation for anyone,they really dropped the ball?"

In the original lore, no the Velaryons had pale skin. I conclude so because Westerosi makes it a point to note that the person they are looking at is dark-skinned (Daella's, Saera, and Cersei's reactions to Summer Islanders), and all the descriptions we have of Corlys, any Velaryon, and Laena and Laenor never describe skin color. Europeans and white people and their fictional analouges tend to not mention skin color in anything written about people when their skin is as pale as theirs.

A problem with making it a point of "making it obvious that they are bastards" through skin color and race is that in the original lore, the boys' dark hair could have been argued in-world as coming from Laenor through Rhaenys and that Baratheon dark-hair gene. (I don't believe these boys came from Laenor because that guy was very unwilling to have sex with a woman and barely spent time with Rhaenyra before their sons were threatened).

There was some sort of tension with how one can detect adultery, adultery, and parentage in the character's environment. Once you realized this one element of the hair is enough to throw these blood purist aristocrats who wish to usurp Rhaenyra to take advantage of her socially-demonized sexual activities for their own political goals. Once again, they had no way of telling the parentage, and to bring up that the boys might have inherited Rhaenys' hair would throw off doubters not for "truth's" sake (at least about parentage), but to protect those boys and Rhaenyra from ridiculous blood purism, misogyny, and greed. It's meant to signal to the audience this game of thrones/royals, that such things as what parentage and fidelity mean is really just too slippery and unreal themselves, subject to human will and cleverness.

However, the show making the Velaryons black primarily bc the writers and producers saw these actors as useful to just show how those boys are bastards reinforces the blood purity. We're just superficially using race and colorism to reinforce how Rhaenyra slept with someone outside of marriage and that's all, folks. She's more open to condemnation instead of us looking critically at the game being played. Why is it so important to make it "obvious", what point are the writer and producers making here? Why should we care that it's "obvious"? If you read the original lore well and consider who these people are, if you have even basic critical thinking skills, it's clear that these aren't Laenor's kids.

That was never the issue. The issue was that Rhaenyra's castigated and humiliated for finding sexual autonomy, safety, and intimacy when she was forced to marry a gay man for her father and Corlys' political goals and had to have kids or risk losing her position as heir and future Queen--since no one wants either a barren woman nor a ruler who can't produce heirs.

This story is about how a woman was destroyed, not how she was worth destroying!

The other thing is that it is disparaging to the black actors and Velaryons. The actors are basically used primarily as tools to criticize and demean one white women's adultery. It doesn't take their acting chops into consideration, and their race, rather than being about representation in fantasy media, is the primary casting requirement simply to again highlight other white actors and their character's conflicts.

Again, this is if that was the producer's primary reason for casting black people to play just the Velaryons. But there is heavy misogynoir, espe with Laena Velaryon dying a gruesome death that realistically no one would want or seek unless they were severely mentally unstable. And yes, in canon, she dies surrounded by family, including Rhaenyra. She tried to go to Vhagar, but to fly one last time with her, not to get flamed out of existence. Laena's death was unnecessarily more brutal than it was. There is also a known link to the practice of self-immolation being gendered, as some cultures have widows burn themselves after their husbands die, which implies that she has no purpose without him alive.

Also, it's not fair we didn't get to see her claim/ride Vhagar independently and thus be a dragonrider apart from any shared scene with Daemon. finally, we don't see how she processed being arranged to marry what looked like a 50-yr old man at 12.

"They [the Velaryons] seemed to be kinda portray as greedy and bitter or just not important at all? Rhaenys is old and bitter and overall a moron in Aegon's coronation scene, doesn't seem to have any connection to any of her family despite growing up with them?Corlys just seems to be there to be disseagred by Viserys and Otto both for being too greedy. Laenor is just a witless gay love interest. Laena is crazy and delusional and completely unimportant and apparently content being Daemon's doormat despite having the biggest fuck off dragon there?"

Corlys in the book was very eager to have a Velaryon marry into the Targ house to have grandkids/great-grandkids who are Velaryon for the prestige and influence. That was just accurate. As for Otto and Viserys's reactions to Corlys, I saw those scenes of them dismissing Corlys as negative on their part, not Corlys. I was on Corlys' side. continuously pushing him off regarding other stuff, like the St But they could have shown the Velaryons in their environment, amongst themselves, and how they interact, their dynamic as a family apart from the Targs. Corlys didn't need to be this simple guy that maester's notes couldn't expound on due to time difference and distance. Also, lack of care or imagination on the part of the writers.

Laenor was never a love interest precisely because he was gay. And he already had a lover in Joffrey. He filled a role that both acknowledged in their agreement, and for his show! witlessness, yes it's annoying considering that in the canon he stayed with her more often once their son Luke and the tensions got higher b/t Alicent and Rhaenyra:

I already talked about Laena.

"Like the show itself stated that Rhaenyra tried and failed which means uncomfortable lay back and think of England already with a gay person but wouldn't that also means that Leanor is probably just infertile considering bit obviously isn't Rhaenyra"

I don't think Laenor was infertile so much as he really couldn't bring himself to stay and commit to the sex repeatedly to inseminate Rhaenyra. I imagine they tried twice or three times and that's all Laenor could handle. And it's actually not a predictable or controlled thing, insemination. Sometimes it takes 5 tries for conception, sometimes once.

"And of course the one scene that involves the Velarayion's is when Daemon the crazy white guy inbred supremacist went and killed the innocent completely in the right random brother of Corlys that spoke the truth about Rhaenyra and her kids despite the fact that every normal ruler would have them killed too,all so the mainstream audience can yell afoul about racism and white privilege and crazy Targaryens and Daemon the psycho? They literally recreated Ned's execution here but with racial implication,with Daemon being Joffrey and the executioner here and this is somehow respectful and we'll handled to anyone?"

Never heard of this thought. I think the audience is just upset that a black man got got by a white man, but considering how the Velaryons are not black in canon and this is about a class dispute rather than a racial one, I think people should throw this idea out. Daemon kills Vaemond in the book, and by Rhaenyra's express order, too. It wasn't a race thing.

"This idiot [Aemond] that openly talks about treason on someone's funeral and openly admits that he would steals his brother's wife and that he deserves the crown because he is obviously so much better than his weak incompetent brother?like anyone who likes this character,I am not judging I am just saying you made a bold choice.he comes across as a parody of what the writers think they wrote Daemon as and Daemon is still better because grrm didn't give Aemond depth at all and you can just see who's the better writer"

Aemond wasn't saying he would "steal" Aegon's soon-to-be sister-wife, quite the opposite. He meant that if Alicent allowed it and if it was useful for their Ussurp-Rhaenyra cause (doing his "duty"), then he's gladly legally married Helaena. To castigate Aegon for not being willing. Aemond is very unserious, though, for putting it out there that he'd love to be the king over Aegon and not keeping that shit to himself, both in book or show.

"Also not a fan of this whole dragons don't listen to their riders thing either,like bye.Iy just so happens that the one time the dragon goes crazy is the one horrible act that Aemond pulled on his own volition? I can't even blame the dragon here,you chased the child with it what was Vhagar supposed to do here?"

Yep.

"Viserys annoys so much too. How does someone compare your brother,your heir,to like the worst person in your whole family tree and you just go yeah but he's still my blood so I am stuck with him. Imagine your siblings being compared to like Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer and you not decking whoever just told you that shit right there. Especially as the king. Meanwhile the one time Corlys says anything even slightly iffy about Viserys,Daemon immediately cuts that out. Like seriously Viserys how does Otto know this much about your daughter and brother, he is spying this is a red flag what normal monarch just waves this off?"

This made me laugh. Yes, there is a discrepancy, huh, bt how Viserys regards his brother and vice versa?

Viserys seems to want to over-placate and make the more powerful/least under his control (or so he thinks) person be willing to do his bidding after the example of the conciliatory Jaehaerys I. Problem is that Viserys' position and circumstances are different enough from Jaehaerys' that he needed to apply his might more.

[jeweled-blue-eyes]

I have read your recent post on reynold eckart forgivenss and you have written that the eckart are selfish, as in they don't want Penelope to have friends. Why do u think that? Just curious.

And how do you thibk that sentiment would have applied to og Penelope. Would they be selfish in thier love with her.

Do you think they might have ruined any potential friendships she could have had.

I have this headcanon that og Penelope might have met this upper middle class girl while shopping and found out they have similar tastes in fashion and the like. The girl would have tried to introduce penny to her other friends who are upper middle class too but the eckarts stopped her from going and forced het to cut of this friendship as she wasn't worthy of them since she was middle class and all.

But this is just a headcanon.

But why do the eckarts not only her to go freely outside. Are they afraid of losing her. Or do they not want her to make friends or run away.

because the Eckarts employed a lady's maid for her but not a lady's companion. She doesn't have a chaperone either. And no personal guard. Which suggests to me that the Eckarts always kept her on a tight leash and rarely let her leave the duchy which would make a chaperone or personal guard obsolete. Chaperones were usually not required in situations where an unmarried woman's father was able to accompany his daughter. And we know Duke Eckart is often busy.

That nobody wanted to work for her is a bullshit excuse. The war had just ended and people who are desperate for money don't get to have a choice.

"Women took positions as companions if they had no other means of support, as until the late 19th century there were very few other ways in which an upper- or upper-middle-class woman could earn a living which did not result in a complete loss of her class status."

There are lesbians, there are asexual women, women who abstain from marriage or women who cannot find a man because the war killed enough people that finding a good marriage partner in your own social class was hard. Daughters lost their fathers and brothers, the only breadwinner of the family. Family businesses had to close because the people couldn't afford to buy certain luxury products anymore or the supply chain collapsed. Particularly because Penelope had no friends and was always "cooped up in her room" (Reynolds own words) it is curious that Duke Eckart never thought about bringing in a lady's companion for her. When no commoner maid besides Emily was willing to attend to her, he could have offered to employ one of Penelope's friends from the streets and train her as a maid. That is to say if she had one.

I think she was never given a chance to have a friendship for the reason that she was either sick, injured or under house arrest. There was nothing to ruin. Penelope might have sabotaged her own chances at a friendship due to paranoia that was caused by the constant bullying. Solitary confinement also has negative effects that encompass paranoia, anger, anxiety, depression etc. The page on effects of long-term solitary confinement states that "inmates are often startled easily, and avoid crowds and public places. They seek out confined small spaces because the public areas overwhelm their sensory stimulation". I can see Penelope just hiding behind a pillar and staring at the wall at social events and then scowling and going into a defensive position when someone wants to approach her. If she somehow still managed to make a friendly acquaintance, the Eckart brothers would sabotage that relationship. Reynold indirectly and Derrick directly. The Duke would be happy that Penelope made a friends tho he might be a bit wary.

They didn't think that she would run away or want to leave. That thought never crossed their mind until Penelope mentioned it. Just remember their surprised faces when she expressed her desire to leave. They are kind of possessive of her. I don't know. I don't understand them either.

[astroyongie]

Victon February Reading

Note: Please enjoy the reading and take things with salt 

Seungwoo

Love: He is still with his partner and everything has been going well. I see that they had an argument a few weeks ago, but everything went back to the normal routine of their relationships; They mostly always argue about the same things, but honestly they are a happy and healthy couple

Career:  Got no inof

Health:

Physical: Physically he is very healthy

Emotional: Emotionally tho, there’s a lot more to be worried, I think Seungwoo is going through a very complicated phase of his life, with a lot of depression, insomniac episodes, stress, him not telling anyone about his struggles and what he feels. It kinda feels like coming back to the idol life did more harm than good

Seungsik

Love: Seungsik is still single, although he started to flirt with someone a few months ago and things were potentially going to turn into something, it see like someone else got the attention of his flirt. So he is basically by himself once more and that kinda makes him sad because he longs for a relationship

Career:  A lot of complications here, I see a lot of responsbailtiies and works that he didn’t asked for http need to be completed. Seungsik isn’t received the paycheck he was expecting too, I see a lot of fights with the higher ups for that injustice

Health:

Physical: He definitely has something wrong going on with his stomach, belly, digestive system. Can’t say what exactly but something is wrong there

Emotional: He is rather stable

Sejun

Love: His love life is a huge confusion, because Sejun was talking with two different persons and getting close to them two. However there was one of these people that he grew closer with and that he really wants to have a relationship with. But obviously that person knows that Sejun was talking with someone else so things are complicated. Still, he is trying to communicate a lot and to get this person to believe that he Is being honest with his feelings

Career:  Things are going well for him, he is rather content with his career situation, but he needs to be careful with baseless rumors being spread about him inside the industry

Health:

Physical: Headaches

Emotional: Very emotionally agitated

Hanse

Love: Another member who is on a very complicated love situation, because he started to flirt/date someone 3 weeks ago (brown/dark/blakc hair person), and he was very hopeful with this one. But it seems like they both don’t have the same dreams and expectations for the relationship which is making him kinda sad. Also his family doesn’t seem to approve this person. Hanse is just disappointed about the whole things because every time he gets someone it’s never the good person

Career: Complicated for him at the moment, t here’s a lot of arguments, of people inside the company telling him he would be better off the group, people not wanting his good. He has been writing a lot of songs lately  

Health:

Physical: Needs to be careful with his spleen, his knees and lower back area

Emotional: As always depression is very attached to him, a lot of emotional tiredness and burn out

Byungchan

Love: Byungchan is currently dating someone, they have been in a relationship for some shirt time, but the passion is very present. He seem to be happy and very in love with this person. He has been thinking about adopting/getting a pet (perhaps with this person)

Career:  Everything is going very well for him, I see new opportunities to be exposed to him. Byungchan is probably going to have some solo work to do, also he is very close to his manager and the higher ups

Health:

Physical: Just some soreness on is throat and sinus

Emotional: X

Subin

Love: He was in a relationship but he broke up with his partner around 2 weeks ago after a huge argument. I don’t know much other that the relationship wasn’t working for any of them

Career:  There’s a lot happening here and honestly Subin needs to be extremely careful who he is going to make business with, because I see a lot of money being moved around, a lot of debts needing to be payed and people taking advantage of that vulnerability to trap him into something that will probably hurt him and his fans. All I wan say is that we might hear of him for the next 3 months

Health:

Physical: He is physically sick however I didn’t get much precisions 

Emotional: In a very unstable period of his emotional life at the moment, he needs rest and to adapt to this new rhythm

[ravenkinnie]

Unpopular opinion: Cassandra Cain's canonical origin and much of her early character development are so horrifyingly racist, even by the dubious standards of the Bat-books, as to make the bulk of her appearances unreadable, and I can't see any way to fix it without an extremely radical reboot that somehow manages to discard the awful Orientalist hokum without landing the character in Limbo due to intractable continuity errors. I know a lot of her white fans are primarily interested in Cass and Stephanie Brown kissing, but for once, the character's problems are much more severe and fundamental than her not being gay enough.

(I actually wouldn't mind Cassandra being Lady Shiva's daughter — TBH, horrendously toxic mother issues are a refreshing change of pace for Bat-adjacent comics! — if they would ALSO fix the awful Orientalist hokum surrounding Shiva, starting by giving her a real name conceived by someone who has encountered actual IRL Chinese people who are not characters in cheesy '70s martial arts movies.)

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

honestly I feel like that's something i might not have a complete opinion on as a white person dhdjjs I do think and have seen people say before that her origin does feel steeped in some racist tropes and I think honestly that's probably part of why she gained the ability to speak so early in her solo (how they handled that at times is a different conversation). I think because it's so ingrained in her character that changing it is basically changing her whole origin, the key thing is how her disability is written - which currently it's just not like cass is just a cardboard cutout without any distinguishing characteristics or any meat to her story. those tropes are just there without anything that would make her an actual person like other characters get to be which is pretty much what a lot of lady shiva writing is too so it really is so fitting that they would be related

I actually like cass being shivas daughter if only because the level of toxcity and violence and emotional abnormality in this relationship is off the charts and I need that energy for more mother daughter relationships. it has literally never been written well tho </3 the last time they did they literally had to switch shivas whole personality to make her more normal like no I wanted blood and guts too

honestly cass' solo and her entire writing is just a long string of opportunities to give face to these characters that were never taken, great seeds of ideas and bad lazy execution. first part of her solo is my favorite of this sort of storyline centered around guilt and/or suicidality because the resolution is so in character and so absolutely feral - that shiva kills her and that helps her reconcile with these feelings because she paid life for a life. what an insane way to go about it and how much more interesting than the cookie cutter bullshit little monologues these characters would have probably given each other in modern comics. it was such an opportunity to continue this story too because shiva both did that for her and taught her everything she knew after she lost her abilities but instead they just dropped her until the last part of the solo to force you to read the worst thing you've ever read

(also about stephcass, my unpopular opinion is that stephcass sucks and I hc cass as bi <3)

(what dc and fandom is doing to talia is a whole separate convo dhshsjjw it can't be written better like shiva or cass because they literally took a character and butchered it into its opposite but then damians whole backstory in a way relies on this massacre its so bad)

Send me unpopular opinions

[disco-cola]

dude my era depression is so bad again at the moment the only thing that would help me is literally someone finally inventing a time machine and then offer like a 30 day free trial in which i could choose to just stay or come back to today completely disillusioned which would at least end my era struggles but otherwise at this point idk what to do it doesnt help to just dress that way and decorate my house that way and listen to the music when it is srsly impossible to ever have my dream life i would have wanted to be in a band or a tour manager or a music journalist or a radio host or vj for mtv when they were still cool and if all that failed i could have at least tried to get a hot boyfriend in a rock band whose music i love and go on tour with them and just hang around the scene somehow and i know i technically could do all of that today but honestly i think doing that would make my era struggles even worse bc i would just compare it to what it was like in the 70s 80s or 90s and what ive read in countless books and articles and even fucking personal comments under youtube videos of people who lived through it (i kinda feel the only people writing about how bad those times were are the ones that are even younger than me who werent there either like as if today is that much better with politics and laws that only go backwards but most peoples accounts of their youth in that time end with i would go back and i miss it) and just still not be happy also i just cant imagine being in or around the music business now with fuckin social media and the internet (i know the internets been around at least in the 90s and was already more accessible then but obvs still not like today) like this and just not being able to forget "these arent actually my favorite bands and im just compensating" would still make me unhappy and i know it might have been very hard as a woman in the 70s and probably 80s too (even tho many women entered the work force back then and started working in fields that used to be dominated by men) and i could not have done what chris o'dell did (she was a personal assistant at the beatles apple in london in the late 60s and then became a tour manager in the states in the 70s for the stones, santana, bob dylan, elo, queen and more...) or not have been someone like debbie harry or stevie nicks or joan jett but i could´ve tried and otherwise could have at least found an escape of a boring hard working class life by going to shows of the bands i love (when they were in their prime, not them being old and some of the og lineup already gone and ticket prices worth a months rent). being around people who are into the same stuff as me because its just whats popular. i cant do that now. i wish i had at least been around and in my 20s for the late 80s and early 90s grunge and metal and hardcore scene bc that at least would have been something new and exciting and even as a woman you could find work and establish a position in the music business (like vanessa warwick, julia valet, both julie browns and karyn bryant did at mtv). i also dont know what anybody could tell me to make it better. the only thing that helps me at this point is people saying they feel the same bc it makes you feel less alone and isolated :/

[refriedrambles]

You ever read a bit fic and are just baffled by how well the authors carve out and characterize characters

Like how do you get that solid of a view? How do you manage to write in their voice especially in the 3rd person? How does one make something important to a character? Truly give them motivation and personality and really fucking sell it?

Like even with characters I think I understand I can't do that even slightly and I don't understand how to start. Like I know Zim pretty well as a character I think, but I don't understand. I really don't. I have all the pieces in front of me and I know what they are but I just can't put them together! And like that doesn't really cover it. I get how it goes together but I don't get how it works. This little green guy fkdjfnndmdn

I know I don't get it because some part of my brain wants to excuse his actions. Write them off almost completely, say he did nothing wrong, shift the blame to someone else, but that's bullshit! He's a bad person, vicious, selfish and petty and does just really stupid shit cause he gets too excited or anxious to think things through. He wears a mask so thick that it's merged with his flesh and if it were to break all he'd be left with is a goopy mess of meat and sinew and lingering shards unable to recognize what he is and isn't. He wants to be seen, heard, adored and is far too paranoid and suspicious to ever accept the things he wants, unless it's given by The Tallest. And even then he questions it and really he should be, but even the expectations aren't spared that paranoia completely. He's so completely utterly brilliant and pathetic.

Dude I need to just binge the show. All the episodes in like a single night and fucking chew dude. I wanna crack him open like an egg and just figure it all out

Anyway, circling back from that tangent, haven't actually seen the hotel show but have been reading fics. Cause my love for fics often out weights my desire and effort to find the source material. Thoroughly spoiled myself on everything in this particular show tho. Back to the fic, Valentino was written so compellingly in this fic it's crazy my guy. Like all the characters are, but he was a standout. Great villain, great pov. Overall blown away. He's horrendous, he's just almost sympathetic, he's cruel and heartless at times, but conflicted and guilty at other and I love how fucking terrified he is of Alaster despite repeatedly goating Vox into taking him out. Fuck he offers to help despite the fear. The gear shift from raging idiot cunt to oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck I need to think of a way out of this is fantastic. Like when he's under actual pressure the fog clears and his fight or flight is think and he fucking does! And suddenly he's charming like really really charming. Like he's the most human thing down there. And it suddenly makes sense why so many people would sign away their souls to him if they didn't know any better. It's some crazy shit

Been getting blown away by a lot of stuff lately actually. Could be just exposing myself to new stuff again. Could be my mental health improving. I mean the latter's almost certainly part of it

I suppose my bar for good also might be kinda low too. Like I might have skewed my sense of great fiction because I'm a grubbly trash panda that gobbles up every bit of rom fantasy or action fantasy manhwa/ga I can get my paws on. If that it I'm cool with it. Like being blown out of the park so often is honestly fantastic

But I do have an inkling that the shit I've been coming across is just like super good quality shit too. Like I'm pretty sure Dungeon Meshi is an objectively good show

I've just been going off lol