#i write them for the online community
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amazing news regarding my modern sort of retelling of theseus and the minotaur 🐮
i'm in an anthology book now
#i'll have more news in the future because i really want people to read this short story#genuinely it's one of my favourites i've written#but idk if it'll only be accessible physically or if the editors will provide an online option#also depending on how many copies we sell we'll write more anthologies 🥰#i genuinely Adore this group of writers they are all so supportive and you don't really realise how much you need a community#of people with your background and ethnicity until you are seated at a zoom call with them talking about shared experiences#there's also Such a range of ages and this is the editorial that said my writing was like borges'. which holy shit i wish i could frame that#but yeah <33#pia.txt#pia.docx
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man I'm just gonna say that it's incredibly fucking weird to walk onto a stranger's blog, project your own predatory age headcanons onto a character with no canon age, and then decide that means the blogger condones it.
like?? my dude?? the only person talking about that is you because it's your headcanon?
"you're bad because I think of this ageless character as a 30yo being paired with a teen" well I sure goddamn don't and I didn't need to hear that shit! it's not only extremely inappropriate, it's creepy as fuck! so like, maybe do some self-reflecting on why you decided that a stranger should abide by your headcanon, and maybe also stop doing that.
#RARE SHEA VENTPOST™️#disclaimer that im a Tax-Paying Adult™️ and know that this doesnt matter in the real world (thank god)#but yes this is about Ghiralink#imagine being so miserable that you see someone writing post-game scenarios with adult characters and you go#'hmmm seems p*dophilic i better condemn them'#idk what else to tell you at that point just unplug your router#chronically online take please go seek real world community and take a year long hiatus from tumblr dot com#god why else do you think i made link and ghirahim turn to the camera like 'wow we are in our early twenties'#because some ppl online insist on being horrifically obtuse#i guess ill shut this post down if it gets too annoying but i decided i wanted to be Unwise Online for a min#additional disclaimer that recent Ghiralink Discourse Murmurings did not happen directly to me
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sometimes it's like. i don't really wanna have an opinion about this in public because i don't feel that strongly. but a lot of people are having ill informed opinions about it and i don't feel i can offer correct information without also an opinion. so i just have to suffer
#this is about nanowrimo lmao#having been involved with nano for fifteen years i can promise it was always a website/organised thing#and there WERE reasons for the website to exist and the community of the forums was a huge part of it#now they totally fucked that up a few years back but originally it was a massive part of it#especially bc when i joined nano twitter was like... barely a thing?#there were so few ways of finding a writing community at the time#very few wordcount trackers you didn't have to build yourself in excel etc#it had reasons to exist at the beginning. i would argue it has much less reason to exist now#but it wasn't a subsequent 'cashing in' on a concept#anyway.#the reason i don't have strong opinions about the current fuckery beyond an eye roll#is that i already walked away from being invested in nano because there has been So. Much. Fuckery#this is a nail in a coffin I'd already accepted was buried#and i get that people are more likely to care about the ai thing#as like. symbolic of wider societal issues or whatever#vs grooming and harassment and racism and firing all the MLs#bc that affects people in the community much more than people inside it#but. look. if you're gonna expound upon it#consider that nanowrimo started in 1999 and forums were THE way to connect with people online#and the website as it grew in the 00s primarily revolved around the forums#and continued to do so through the 2010s#and that no it wasn't just a social media challenge bc social media didn't exist yet#there IS a reason nanowrimo has a centralised website and organisation#it wouldn't exist without them#bc I can't be arsed to explain this again#*more than people OUTSIDE it
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Sometimes selfcare is gathering incorrect quotes to use for your OC's
#Self doubt is so funny like wdym I'm afraid of sharing my work with the incredibly wholesome online community that is my followers?#I just finished up some art for a display and my commissions#And I can feel burnout crawling up my back#I also have a pretty important phone call tomorrow#Health related call right after work sooo ye#pretty scared for that#Ontop of trying to write stuff for Hired Sparky and being worried about all my hard work being for nothing#I love writing Muppet related stories and working on Hired Sparky but I feel like my stories get the least amount of engagement out of all#my stuff#Which is really disheartening#I want people to love my work and my characters and I want them to feel developed#But I just feel like I haven't really been doing a good job of that recently??#Vent#Palette talks
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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i miss. the vibes of the rpc a few years back
#things just felt more. community based#people interacted more w each other on the dash and it felt like people were really there to interact and not just for a follower count#its probably rose colored glasses in a lot of ways bc thats when i was most active so thats when it was most enjoyable but#idk there was just something ab the days where u could have 50 followers and always be interacting w most of them#these days ill get 200 followers and the same 5 mutuals interacting all the time#and like. huge shoutout to them they know who they are but those people make this site worth being on#its just. idk its tiring when a lot of time is spent yelling into the void that is the dash and getting nothing back#and to some extent timezones r to blame and also my lack of writing but its. its not just a lately thing#its been getting worse for years and i think this is really the first time ive ever been like. not active on tumblr?#like im here but a couple of years ago the idea of me having a main blog and barely ever logging in or writing was absurd#i would be online and writing 24/7 if not here then on discord and wire#bc people were always around to interact with and now its just like. oh weve all grown up and become adults and no one has time#for each other anymore and its very. thats life thats how it is but it sucks idk#maybe this is 2 some extent projection also bc thats how things r irl rn but thats just. tahts not important
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If I ever write
Any songs about being a rock star
Slap me please, all right?
soooooo being a rock star by lemon demon is kind of a darkcloud song :) i LOVE THIS GUY ANFJDSBSDBKS HES SO FUCKIN COOL. disillusioned with starclan + ghost vampirism? lets fuckin GO!! my good friend my lovely buddy @triffany-lottablog's oc!! here he is on artfight and toyhou.se!!!!!!!! AWESOME
#art#warrior cats#warrior cats art#warrior cats oc#wc oc#think those will be my fandomy tags of choice#darkcloud#:) this guy teeheeheeeeeeeeee#tw scopophobia#i think maybe this warrants it hes got a somewhat unsettling stare here#image id#i looove. i love drawing. I LOVE DRAWINGGGGGG#i hope my image id is alright im not very practiced in them. also its 2am when im writing this. (advice welcomed)#woah. havent posted warrior cats stuff online in years have i#hello warrior cats oc community on tumblr ... waves timidly how is everyone doing#its crazy how youll spend several days drawing something and then its just a post that goes out there and chills with such brevity#and yet such longevity (thinks about how some of my previously posted art still gets notes on occasion)#art is beautiful [goes insane] and awesome
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i kinda want to write a deep dive essay on silence of the lambs WRT gender and transmisogyny bc it's actually a much more complicated topic than a lot of people realise
#like basically yes the portrayal is ultimately deeply transmisogynistic and damaging#even the actor that played the character admitted that while he'd gone very out of his way to play the character not as a trans woman but#as a deeply homophobic cishet man#and done a lot of research on LGBT issues and life at the time#the trans women he met during that research told him how the felt and he ended up reaching out to the community to make amends several time#so like this isn't new discourse either-- transfems of the time didn't like it#another issue is there's a lot of lines from the book that never made it into the movie#lines that make it very explicitly clear that not only is the character not trans but that the author does not view trans people as violent#“There’s no correlation in the literature to transsexualism and violence. Transsexuals are very passive.”#actual quote from the book#and the director has also acknowledged his adaption did not drive this point home well enough and apologised profusely for that#and to be clear i don't know if the author has spoken about this#it does seem he was working with the best standards at the time but likely hadn't actually spoken at length to a trans woman before#and i think that's the real problem here#like i feel like it really speaks volumes of how transmisogyny works that like#even if everyone involved goes out of their way to actively try to avoid and debunk transmisogyny in their writing#if you don't actually spend time around trans women in real life and rely solely on impersonal “research” you're gonna shit the bed#and end up making one of the worst trans misogynistic caricatures of all time while actively trying to do the literal opposite#and i think that relates a lot to how modern transmisogyny is the way it is like all these tme ppl online supposedly trying their hardest#to be trans positive#and maybe some of them genuinely think they are#but most of them also don't have any TMA friends or peers some of them have never even spoken to a trans woman knowingly before#and also have never unpacked that#like you can do all the research you want but ultimately there will always be a level of dehumanisation and a lack of touch with reality#if you aren't actually talking to the people involved#you cannot unlearn transmisogyny without interacting with TMA people#and just because you were trying to be trans positive doesn't mean you actually were trans positive#nor does it erase the harm done
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do you guys want to see the other paper i wrote that mentions fallout........
#it's about human behavior in online games#i talk abt the culture of community in fallout 76 and also the falador massacre (runescape)#i really liked writing this one and it feels like academic papers just kind of go to waste when you turn them in so#i don't really do fanfiction anymore but i can study you guys in a lab#fallout#fallout 76#fo76
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[.ooc.]
i dont think lucifer would run a blog
im sure he views content and uses an empty url to follow people he cares about but
the more i think about it the less i think he like
does social media as an active participant
like he is less likely to communicate online snort
just kinda looking into the camera because he rather say shit in person than from behind a screen. particularly with anything of concequence.
like
meet him in the ball pit or perish he doesn't have the time
#ooc#and no disrespect to ic-bloggers by golly you got a skill#but to me and how i write a character#the way they behave online is drastically different from in-person#like i am a different person online then i am in real life#and so is everyone else???? so i dont#know what it accomplishes other than giving my characters a way to lIE about themselves or present some other persona and#idk it doesn't work so much for me#though i am flexible to let them communicate a little in the ic-blog style#it just doesn't portray the actual character im here to mess with tho
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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not to be a colossal fucking cowabummer about everything but it really does suck that like. my really chill and like. supposedly more realistic type of career goal feels about as unattainable as like a kid saying he wants to be a singer or something
#kazoo noises#like yeah this was supposed to be a job i COULD get. i thought bc like. i was going into the field bc i loved the work and not bc i couldnt#make it into academia (fuck u alt-ac term users yall are snobs) id like maybe be able to cobble it together bc like. im good at doing work.#i can usually make something happen and i got a good attitude. but jesus ive got one year left and every job app comes back negative if the#even bother to respond#like idk man. i knew iwasnt gonna be making money or shit and i knew it was gonna be rough but like. everyone else i meet already has a gig#or at least like gig adjacent. volunteer or field experience or internship and like. i cant get anything to stick. its not like ive done#nothing either? ive worked extensively with small scale exhibition design. i have worked extensively with special collections libraries.#i have literal years worth of research experience from college. i have an entirely customer service based resume thats not academic so i#can handle a patron (and crucially different from my peers: I WANT TO)#i can organize. i can write and design labels. i can communicate. i can handle special collections objects. i can make ANY microfilm reader#work for me even when it doesnt want to#and im not saying my classmates arent qualified. but like. surely this has to amount to something. i have been so stupidly lucky#to have even half the experiences i do. i have variety in my degree that even some of my classmates would kill for i think. i did. so much.#i have had so many advantages and i like to think i use them well and that i am grateful for them. but why cant i make that shit connect???#my resume is good. im reliable. i want to work more than anything. so why cant i get a call back???#legitimately how much longer do i get to keep telling myself i a not the common denominator here#sorry for diary posting but im prepping to walk to the house tour and planning what job apps i can fill out when i get back and literally.#just like. why do i bother. i should have just held my nose and done the online only program in state. i'd probably spend less time rotting#god being 23 fucking sucks. it is going to be better. im literally just barely an adult. this cant be it and it wont be it. but jesus. i go#over having to beg for a rejection letter about ten months ago when i still felt like i had a shot at these experiences
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chilling vibing getting stuff done and then suddenly getting hit by 'why do you try so hard to make something new and good and bend yourself backwards pushing for quality when that stuff is mostly discouraged and low effort quantity-over-quality stuff is constantly rewarded'
#life#was on a high after writing quite a bit today#but now feel like a deflating balloon lmao#like yeah nah yeah i've worked with social media enough to know that you have to play 'their' game in order to 'succeed'#but that whole premise is so soulless and yet#it's the shit paradox that most often the less time and effort you put into something the more likely it will do good online#but with constantly diminishing returns it can get pretty tough#like the pattern is there it's all in motion#and it's just gonna get worse and worse and worse#people barely reblog anymore barely comment#i started posting my writing because i thought 'well at least one person might like it!'#like... i cannot NOT write it's just who i am#but even with the folders full of personal writing and whatnot at some point i stopped#because writing is just incredibly lonely and it was starting to make me feel worse about it so i stopped#but yeah nah fam#i'm just fully in the period shits and getting emotional#but the ongoing decline of engagement and communication is just sad to see#like even artists around me who are incredibly talented i see them barely get any notes and if they do it's pretty much all likes#shit's depressing fam#and then on top of that we have people stealing shit from us#like that fucking guy who copied every bg3 creator's ideas and then started playing victim when called out#what was up with that lmao
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IM FEELING VERY OVERWHELMED BY HAPPINESS WITH EVERYONES MESSAGES and im just so happy?? who told u guys to make me cry this early in the year 😭💞
#it isnt just comments on fics or brainrots#but the heartfelt messages#on political stances and#and the effort it takes to write#it really makes me time worthwhile on tumblr#tumblr is actually one of my smaller communities#but#it's my most beloved#and everyday im so happy to at least check in#to see how everyones doing#ew im being cheesy#but im happy#i actually have so many other online platforms where I try to maintain a certain identity#but none of them compare to the happiness tumblr gave#this is just my year end message thanking everyone#for every little interaction they gave#and thanks to genshin too for bringing us together heheheh
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I really feel like people online need to learn that "this fictional depiction of something personally upset, squicked, or even triggered me" does not actually mean "the person who wrote/drew it is a horrible person", nor does it mean "I am therefore right to condemn it as An Inherently Bad Thing To Do".
#rat.exe#like as an example I am DEEPLY upset and triggered by things like codependent sibling relationships or incest#i still do not believe that everybody exploring those things in fiction is a bad person for doing so.#i don't want it anywhere near me but i am able to separate it from my personal feelings on the matter.#and recognise that someone exploring something in fiction in a way that makes sense to them does not mean they're personally hurting me.#there are definitely criticisms to be made about the CULTURE of certain online communities and the way they fetishize certain kinds of abus#*abuse#but like. gestures.#idk man i'm just tired.#people have been being weird about the Girlboss competition because some of the characters there perpetuate religious abuse#and it's like. yes. you're allowed to be upset by this.#that doesn't give you the right to make assumptions about the people writing those characters.#nor do you get to place limitations on who can write this and how they can write it.#fandom wank
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something that really grinds my gears as I venture into other writing/bookish spaces is the fact that people have to apologize when stating their opinions/personal preferences when it comes to what they read or consume for fear of offending The Majority. Like there's this sudden hyper-defensive stance that fans or certain groups of people take about what they love and if someone else god forbid states (on their OWN account or a comment thread mind you, with others who agree with them) that they prefer not to consume those things or they don't love it as much as those people do then these people suddenly feel attacked??
Like. Imagine me obsessing over a show that I've binged a million times and then someone across the globe whispers the words "eh I don't really like that show, it feels overhyped and I don't get why people like it. I prefer this other show to that' and I DIVE ACROSS THE OCEAN to be like 'You're entitled to like that other show, but I don't get why you have to put down my show that I love so much in order to say that. Like that's just very rude of you to even verbalize that opinion in your own space of living and existing that's nowhere near my space of living and existing.'
Like??? People?? Do we not see how mad that is?? THAT'S what's happening in the book community rn and we're treating that like it's normal, I don't know. I get that people can cross a line when stating an opinion or make generalizations about people who consume certain things, but...I don't need someone else's validation to love what I love? If they don't like it or think I'm weird or whatever for liking it that's their problem (and their opinion)??? It doesn't say anything about me or change how I feel about the things I like? And if I'm around people who are bashing what I enjoy and I don't want to see that then maybe just...click away? delete their comment? click unfollow? follow more people who like what you love to drown it out? idk. People are entitled to not like what you love, that's what makes us all beautifully diverse. idk.
#inkoverted thoughts#maybe my first mistake was leaving Tumblr to look at other bookish/writing communities#and this wasn't even TikTok which I refuse to touch with a ten foot pole#but I just watched a YT video of a girl talking about things she hates in Web comics and it was obviously said with goodnatured humor#but she still apologized or had to clarify that like these are just her opinions and she's not bashing people who enjoy these things#and someone in the comments was like I hate that she had to do that bc people can't take a joke or respect others' opinions#and I didn't even clock it when I watched the video but I was like yeah you're right...#and then I go on Insta and I see an author being like#'in a time when spicy romantasy books are being obsessed over...I'm writing “clean” sci-fi slow burn romance#and most people in the comments were like 'yes thank you I appreciate you adding some variety to the bookish community'#or 'there are diverse readers who like all types of genres its only that the romance readers are the loudest and dominating social media'#which is a separate thing that I do think is a valid point#but then a reader from the genre that's being pushed as The Majority came into the chat like#'good for you for writing a sci-fi slow burn - that sounds interesting but you don't have to put down other books when you say that'#and I'm just blinking at the comment like 😃#whooooo? where did OP put down other books???#all they did was say they're going against the grain and writing something less popular amongst the online book community#please learn reading comprehension#and fifth of all - if this upsets you why did you feel the need to click on it and comment like???#go back to your spicy romantasy community and talk to them I don't???? what do you gain from being in this comment thread??#I'm getting frustrated for no reason but it's just so mad to me that people have to walk on eggshells now to share what they like and don't#ON THIER OWN ACCOUNTS#mad#absolutely MAD#there was a separate debate that came up about the fact that people using “clean” to describe non-smut stories implies smut is dirty#which I didn't even think that and I don't even think that's what people meant to imply when using that term#it's the same way you would use the word “clean” to describe something PG vs something rated R or M in my opinion#but that's a whole other thing I'm not gonna get into#if you want a reason to be mad 24/7 then how about getting offline and looking at what's going on in the world? 😀#better use of your anger I can *promise* you
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