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theright-sideofme · 3 years

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Feeling. J. Wooyoung

Wooyoung x fem!reader College au!, Soulmate au! WC: 4.9k Summary: You were one of the few who actually had a soulmate, shame you though the whole idea of love was artificial. Warnings: mentions of panic attack, language,

*12 years ago*

“Y/n got her soulmate mark!” Yeosang, your best friend shouted to the rest of the class a few seconds after the heart shaped scar bloomed on your skin; a moment you would never forget. The whole class ran over to you, shoving one another to see the mark that had just appeared on your skin. You were the first kid in your class to get a soulmate mark, so to say everyone was excited was an understatement.

“A heart? What’s a heart mean?” asked Mingi, another boy in your class. “Love” Yeosang said in a ‘duh’ tone that made you giggle. “Actually, it means Y/n will be able to feel what her soulmate feels, and they’ll be able to feel what she feels.” Your teacher explained, earning a chorus of ‘oh’s’ from you and your classmates. After everyone got a look at your mark your teacher was quick to get everyone back in their seats to resume class. You looked down at your wrist, a smile coming to your face as your heart swelled, “I have a soulmate” you whispered happily to yourself.

*Present*

You let out a sigh as you quickly cover up your soulmate mark with multiple bracelets, not wanting to look at it any longer. The day you found out you were one of the few who had a soulmate, you couldn’t have been more happy, but as you grew up, you realized your soulmate mark came with the watching eyes of everyone who saw it.

Soulmates were a bit of a rare occurrence, so when people saw anyone with a soulmate mark it grabbed their attention. Whether people were jealous or just curious about the phenomenon, everyone you had ever met only care about the stupid mark on your wrist. The only people who didn’t care were your best friends, Yeosang and Mingi. They both had marks of their own, but unlike you, they didn’t mind the prying eyes, the only thing they cared about was finding their soulmate.

“You can’t hide it forever you know,” Yeosang teased as he walked into you room, not even bothering to knock. “I can try” you huffed back in response. “What happens when you meet your soulmate, are you still gonna hide it” “probably” “dude seriously?”

Normally, when people find their soulmate, they proudly put themselves on display: showing off their mark, being overly affectionate in public, and over all just sucking up any attention they could get. It was disgusting.

“Yeah, seriously,” you stated. “I wouldn’t like that if I was your soulmate, I’d wanna show off our bond.” Yeosang stated, making you roll your eyes. Before you could respond with some witty comeback, a sudden wave of sadness hit you like a truck. Tears welled up in your eyes for god knows what reason and you felt like you had a lump the size of a baseball in your throat, it was awful. “What- whoah, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you upset- no no no don’t cry” Yeosang said frantically as he tried to calm you down. You tried to explain that it wasn’t him, but the only thing that left your mouth was a sob.

“Heyy- What the hell did you do” Mingi said as he walked into your apartment, quickly rushing to your side and pulling you into his arms. “I didn’t do anything-” “of course you did something, it’s you” “Hey-” “shut up, please” you managed to say through sobs.

As much as you hated your soulmate bond, you hated that your soulmate was feeling like this even more. It made you wonder what happened and if they were okay, if someone was with them to help them.

After about five minutes of you sobbing, you finally calmed down enough to explain what happened. “Ah your soulmate bond! I thought you really were upset with me” “good” you sniffled, “maybe this will teach you to stay out of my business” “hmm” Yeosang pretended to be deep in thought before tackling you, “nah I’m good.” “Group hug!” Mingi shouted before pulling both you and Yeosang into his arms.

For the rest of the day you had this lingering sadness and the lump in your throat never went away. You never really gave much thought to your soulmate before, but today you just couldn’t stop your mind from wandering. There was this urge to find them and hold them and reassure them that everything would be okay. You tried pushing those thoughts away, you didn’t even want a soulmate, so why were you so concerned? You tried to convince yourself it was just because you were a nice person, but there was a deeper reason and you could feel it, no matter how hard you tried to deny it.

You now sat at one of your favorite cafes with Mingi and Yeosang. You had went there to study, but no one was studying. Mingi was trying to balance a spoon on his nose, Yeosang was making sure Mingi would fail at that task, and you were recording all of it. Soft giggles left your mouth as Yeosang pushed Mingi for the third time, making the spoon fall to the ground. “Dude, come on-” Mingi pouted, shoving Yeosang back. “-I almost had it!” “Yeah I know, that’s the point” Mingi picked up the spoon from the ground and threw it a Yeosang, hitting him right in the forehead. You let out a loud laugh, all but snorting at the look on Yeosang’s face. The two bickered like two little kids for a while, giving you a front row seat to another one of their entertaining arguments. You were so distracted by your two best friends that you didn’t even realize the lump in your throat was gone.

Wooyoung lied in bed, a small smile on his face as he felt the urge to laugh. His soulmate was happy. He had been hurting all day, and he could only imagine what that did to his soulmate, so feeling them feel so care free- it made him happy. All Wooyoung ever wanted for his soulmate was for them to be happy, and he couldn’t stand when he would feel you hurt. He found it funny how quickly you would get annoyed or frustrated, he honestly just couldn’t wait to meet you.

After a while of just enjoying feeling okay, he looked over and saw it was actually getting pretty late and he had an 8am class tomorrow. He had already skipped class today, he couldn’t skip tomorrow too. So he quickly got ready for bed, slowly falling asleep with a warm feeling in his chest and a smile on his face.

“Feeling better” San asked as he plopped his stuff down next to Wooyoung. They had both shown up to class early, which was weird for the two who were normally the last ones into their classes. “Yeah, I’ll be good man” “that’s good, because we’re parting tonight.” San excitedly as he took his seat next to Wooyoung. Wooyoung had been down for the past few days and yesterday was the tipping point, San just wanted him to go out and let loose.

Wooyoung let a chuckle slip past his lips as he shook his head. “I don’t feel like going to another frat party-” ��well it’s not a frat party because we’re throwing the party- just come on man” San whined as he all but begged his friend. “I’ll think about it.” Wooyoung sighed. He pulled out his laptop and textbook, getting ready for class when he heard the door get busted open. Everyone turned to the door to see two guys scrambling to stand up, and a girl, trying to get away from the two as quick as possible.

“You started it- hey, don’t run away from us!” The taller of the two shouted at the girl as she rushed to get a seat. She pretended like she didn’t hear them and sat two rows in front of San and Wooyoung. The two boys were quick to sit next to her, the shorter boy wrapping his arm around the girl as the taller one sat on her lap. “You two are so embarrassing- get off.” The girl whined as she tried to pry herself away from the two.

Wooyoung watched in amusement, they were definitely going to make this new semester interesting. He seem couldn’t pull his attention away from the trio, more specifically, the girl. She was beautiful, her smile was enchanting and her laughter made his heart swell, she was the type of girl people wrote songs about.

San noticed his friends staring and smiled. Wooyoung had always been faithful to a soulmate he had never met. He never had other relationships and he never gave into crushes he deemed “small” and “silly” all because he had a soulmate. Now here he was, ogling over a girl he didn’t know.

“Why don’t you go talk to her” San suggested, making Wooyoung snap out of his gaze. “Huh, why?” “because you think she’s cute” “I have a soulmate” “and you're not gonna know how to treat them if you’ve never been in a relationship” “then I learn with them” “what makes you think your soulmate's never dated anyone before?” Wooyoung had never considered that, but why would his soulmate date someone else if they knew they would end up with him- their soulmate. Wooyoung shook his head, trying to get rid of the jealous feeling that rose in his chest. He had no right to be jealous; he tried to reason to himself, but he couldn’t help it.

San saw him overthinking and sighed, “look, you’re just gonna have a nice friendly conversation with her, you’ll be fine.” Wooyoung thought for a moment, and San was right, he was just going to talk to her, nothing else. “Fine.”

After class you, Mingi, and Yeosang gathered your things and got ready to leave. “Be honest, the professor was totally checking me out, right?” You froze, giving Mingi an incredulous look before remembering, “It’s Mingi.” So with a small giggle you nodded, deciding to entertain his delusions. “Yeah Min, She was totally checking you” “I sense sarcasm; I will ignore.” Both you and Yeosang laughed as you continued to pack up, shaking your head at you crazy friend.

“Uh hey” the three of you snapped your heads up and saw two rather attractive guys standing in front of you. One had pink hair and cat like eyes that would probably be scary if he wasn't smiling. The other guy- he was breathtaking. He had jet black hair and the most enchanting eyes- whoa. “Um, hi” you replied, silently wondering if your heart speeding up was you or your soulmate.

“We’re throwing a party tonight and you guys seem… fun, so we were wondering if you wanted to come?” The one with black hair asked as he shot you a smile. Okay so the heart thing was definitely you, got it. You took a deep breath and looked back at your friends, who were already looking at you with puppy dog eyes. They knew you didn’t like parties, but they loved parties, and loved to make new friends. Mingi even grabbed onto your hand like a toddler and pouted out his lip. Letting out a sigh, you turned back to the two boys and nodded, “we’ll be there-” “yes!” The two boys behind you cheered, making you try to hold in a laugh, “um, I can give you my number and you could text me the address?” “yeah, sounds good.” The two of you quickly exchanged numbers and then the five of your exited the class before parting ways.

“They were cute” Mingi sighs as he looks dreamily into the distance. “Yeah, and one of them was totally checking out Y/n” “Ha, I beg your pardon?” Yeosang smirks as he pulls you in closer. “Come on Y/n, don’t tell me you're blind? The dude you gave your number to was totally checking you out” “well it doesn’t matter” you say simply, trying to ignore the feeling of heat rising to your cheeks. Was he really checking you out?

“You know, for someone who rejects the idea of her soulmate so much, you’ve been awfully loyal to them.” Yeosang points out, “huh?” “You’ve never been in a relationship, you never entertained anyone who had romantic feelings for you, hell you even stepped on Nicks foot when he asked you out” “yeah but Nick was a dick” Mingi interjected.

Okay, so maybe it was true you’ve never tried to pursue a romantic relationship with anyone, but you didn’t think that had anything to do with your soulmate. You had rejected the idea of love a long time ago. Nowadays, a relationship was another accessory everyone wanted to show off, and you didn’t want to feel like a human handbag. People who found their soulmates often just assumed they would work out just because they were soulmates, they didn’t try to make the whole process of falling in love special, they just flaunted their soulmate marks and relationships. You didn’t want to end up like that, ever.

The party had been going on for about an hour in Wooyoung, San, Jongho, and Yunho’s shared apartment and was now filled with people, most of which Wooyoung didn’t even know. Sure, Wooyoung was a social butterfly and had probably talked to almost everyone there, but that didn’t mean he knew them or even their names. Wooyoung lets out a sigh, leaning up against the wall as he sips his drink quietly. The only person Wooyoung actually wanted to see right now was you, but you were nowhere to be found.

“Hey, this is your party, right?” Some girl asks as she comes up to Wooyoung. “My roommates party, but yeah sure” “well it’s really great” she said cheerily as she looks up at him with a bright smile. Wooyoung nods, truly uninterested in what the girl had to say. “Mhm, it’s super” the girl giggles, leaning closer to Wooyoung who doesn’t even spare her a glance. “You seem to be the only one not having fun.” She says with a pout, and Wooyoung is about ready to just start ignoring her, but then he sees you walk in the room with your friends. He felt relief and excitement wash over him when his eyes landed on you “Excuse me.” Was all Wooyoung said to the girl as he quickly made his way over to you.

“You made it” Wooyoung cheers as he approaches the three of you. You smile and nod, looking around the crowded apartment for a brief moment, how do so many people fit in this small ass place, you wonder. Yeosang places a hand on your shoulder before telling you he’s gonna go get you guys some drinks and you nod. Wooyoung directs him to the kitchen and he ends up taking Mingi with him, leaving you and Wooyoung alone, well as alone as you can be in a crowded room.

“I didn’t think you’d come” “I thought about it, trust me” you only half joked, parties really weren’t your thing. “Well I’m glad you did, my night just got a whole lot better” he said as he gave you a sweet smile. You could’ve swore your heart skipped a beat, your eyes widening slightly at his comment. Wow this boy was smooth. “I’m sure your night was just fine without me” you teased as you tried to play off your mini panic. “Sure, it was fine, but now it’s better.” You just started at him, trying to push your butterflies deep, deep down. What the heck was up with this guy and why were you so affected by him?

Wooyoung smiled at your reaction, trying to push his own butterflies to the side, but he really couldn’t, not when you were staring at him all cutely. He had to fight back the urge to pinch your cheeks, crossing his arms to help him out a bit. He was just as confused as you were, he had never felt so… interested by anyone like this before, it made his heart pound in his chest.

You quickly averted your gaze to try and stop the heat spreading to your cheeks, and that’s when you noticed your two friends had abandoned you for some guys from your psychology class, Hongjoong and Seonghwa you think their names are. “Well that’s rude” “you mumbled under your breath, and Wooyoung heard you, following your gaze before laughing. “Come on, let’s get you a drink,” he said. He placed his hand on the small of your back and you quickly jumped away, feeling like you had been shocked.

The two of you stared at each other. Did he feel it too? Wooyoung, out of curiosity, looked down at your wrist, only to see it covered with a copious amount of bracelets. You too, looked at his wrist and you felt the urge to vomit when you saw the same little heart scar that you had stared at every day since you were nine on his wrist. It had to be a coincidence, right? It didn’t matter, you suddenly felt hot, like someone had set you on fire and your breathing became uneven and heavy, you had to get out of there. Quickly turning on your heels, you rushed out of the apartment, rushing down the stairs to get as far away as you could.

Wooyoung was hot on your heels though, following behind you as soon as you left. “Y/n, Y/n slow down” Wooyoung called after you. The look on your face before you ran out had him so worried. Your eyes were wide, mouth slightly agape as your breathing started to pick up, he just wanted to know you were okay.

After running for a while, the thoughts in your head running rampant, you became light headed. You could barely stand up straight anymore, scraping both your palms and knees as you fell to the sidewalk. Wooyoung felt his heart drop when you fell and rushed to your side as quickly as he could. “Hey Y/n, you okay, just breath. In and out like this, can you do that?” “N-no- I- too much” “Y/n, hey Y/n look at me.” Wooyoung cupped your face, forcing you to look at him as he helped you calm down.

He knew then that you were his soulmate, because he could feel all of it, the light headedness, the heart racing, the fear that had built up in the pit of his stomach, he knew. So once you were calm and in his arms, he let out a shaky sigh, holding you a bit tighter as he looked down at you. He had dreamed about meeting his soulmate for so long, never did he imagine that his soulmate would get a panic attack upon finding out. All he wanted was for you to feel safe and happy around him, not scared and vulnerable.

The two of you sat there in silence on the side of the sidewalk for about 30 minutes, he still held you in his arms and you allowed him, feeling an odd sense of comfort from his hold. The two of you would get strange looks from passerbyers but you didn’t care, not right now.

“Thank you” were the first words out of your mouth as you pulled away to look at him. Wooyoung just nodded, keeping his hand on your back, rubbing it gently as if to reassure you. “I should go home” you said quietly as you stood up, “let me walk you” “you don’t-” “I’m not letting you walk alone at night.” His voice was gentle, but his tone also told you there was no room for argument, he was going to make sure you got home safe.

The entire walk was silent, Wooyoung was trying to figure out what to say to you. How was he meant to start a conversation with his soulmate who seemed so freaked out about having a soulmate? Wooyoung wanted to let out a loud groan of frustration and fall to the floor like a toddler throwing a fit, but he didn’t. Instead he turned to look over at you, letting a small sigh fall from his lips. “Can I ask you something?” Wooyoung finally speaks, making you stop to look at him. You nod, having a feeling you knew what he was going to ask. “Why are you so afraid” “I’m not” he gave you an unamused look before holding up his wrist. “I can feel what you feel, remember?” Damn this stupid fucking bond, you mentally cursed. You know he deserved an answer, he was your soulmate and was equally affected by whatever was going on in your life as you were, but you didn’t know him, you didn’t feel comfortable opening up to him, not yet. “Will you be mad if I tell you I can’t tell you” “can’t or won’t” “won’t” you answered truthfully. Wooyoung let out a soft sigh before shaking his head, “I won’t be mad, if you're not comfortable I’m not going to push you-” There was a beat of silence as he ran his hand through his hair as he tried to calm down his frustration. “Will you tell me eventually?” “I don’t know… I hope so” you answer truthfully. That seems to be enough for Wooyoung as he nods and takes your hand in his, motioning for you to lead the way.

It had been two days since the party and you hadn’t seen Wooyoung since, and for some reason, it was killing you. You felt like a total sellout, just a week ago you were perfectly content with never meeting your soulmate, barely giving the idea a thought, but now? Now you felt like you needed to see him. You had heard about this from other people with the soulmate mark, they say that once you meet your soulmate, all you want is to be around them, you thought that was utter bull shit, until now.

Yeosang and Mingi still didn’t know, and you weren’t about to tell them. You knew that once you did they would tell you how much of an idiot you were being. All you had to do was talk to him, get to know him and then maybe explain why you think soulmates are overrated, but you were scared that you would break around him, and give into the system you despised.

“It’s been two days, you need to get out of bed” Yeosang stated as he yanked your covers off you. “What even happened, why are you so moppy” Mingi asked as he helped Yeosang get you to stand. “Nothing” you mumbled, allowing them to push you into the bathroom so you could brush your teeth and get ready for class. “Come on Y/n, we’re not dumb, we know what’s going on.” You turned to Yeosang with wide eyes, he knew? How? “You’ve done nothing but stare at your soulmate mark for the past two day. So…” “so what” you replied, quickly turning back around to rinse out your mouth. “Who is it bitch” Mingi shouted as he turned you around to look at him. “No one, stop being weird” you tried to dismiss them and walk out but Yeosang blocked the door, staring straight into your eyes. “Who is it” “Who is it” they asked one after another, over and over again until they were basically chanting it in your ear. “Stop it! It’s Wooyoung, god it��s Wooyoung you freaks!” You shouted, quickly pushing past them to go back into your room.

“Wooyoung! The guy who invited us to that party?” Mingi exclaims with wide eyes. “Why didn’t you tell us” “because I knew you guys were going to freak out” “obviously! You found your soulmate that’s huge!” You just shook your head, he didn’t get it, after all these years he still didn’t understand. “Yeosang, I don’t want a soulmate” “no you don’t want an artificial, showy love” “wha-” “Y/n, for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been nothing but closed off and reserved when it comes to the idea of soulmate, but I see you when you see couples, real couples walk down the street, or when you watch those cheesy rom coms or dramas. You want to be loved” Yeosang all but shouts at you. He loves you and he wants nothing but the best for you, but sometimes you could be so stubborn. “You’re afraid of your soulmate using you and your relationship for attention” “I- shut up” you pout, you hate how he knows you so well, it’s sickening.

Yeosang chuckles and takes a seat next to you on your bed, “so, it looks like you have two options, keep pretending that love is gross and disgusting and is the root of all evil, or you can share your concerns to Wooyoung and hope he understands” “what if he doesn’t?” Your voice is so small you ask the question, because you were terrified he wouldn’t, that the person you were meant to be with for the rest of your life would ignore your worries and brush them and you off. “Then me and Mingi will go have a little talk with him and you’ll never have to see him again” Mingi nods rapidly, showing you that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you, neither of them would. “You guys suck, you know that'' you tease, allowing Yeosang to pull you into a hug. He hums in response, pulling you closer to ease your anxiety.

You stood in front of Wooyoung’s apartment, eyes trained on the door as you worked up the courage to knock. Which was proving to be a lot harder than you thought. You bring your hand up to the door, fist ready to knock, but you don’t you just stand there- until the door opens. You pull your hand back and step back quickly, you weren’t expecting anyone to open the door. San smiles at you, “you can go in, his room is the last door on the right” “thank you” you mumbled, quietly slipping in as San leaves, probably to attend one of his classes.

Knocking on Wooyoung’s door is a lot easier than knocking on the front door. “Go away” sounds tired and it hurts to think you caused that. “I can’t do that Wooyoung” you respond. In no time at all he’s standing in front of you with wide eyes. His hair is a bit messy and his shirt is on backwards, but he still managed to look so god damn good. Pushing that thought aside, you give him a weak smile, and he returns it, stepping out and closing his door. “I would say let’s talk in my rooms but it’s a bit of a mess right now” you giggle, nodding as you follow him to the living room.

“I’m sorry” is the first thing out of your mouth, “for what?” He seems genuinely confused. Wooyoung didn’t think you did anything wrong, he knew you needed space, it was just giving you that space was harder than he thought. “Y/n you have nothing to be sorry for” he reassures, gently rubbing your knee.You look at him and suddenly your fears of him not understanding melt away, in the short time you knew him, he’s probably the most understanding man you had ever met. He was sweet and kind and caring, how could you think he wouldn’t understand.

So you tell him everything, from how you feel that soulmate love feels fake, artificial, that no one tries, to your fear that he might use you as a way to get attention from others. And He listens, he listens to it all, never once interrupting you, encouraging you to take your time when you struggle to get the words out. He even wiped your tears when you started crying, hell he even started crying himself.

“Y/n-” He speaks up after you finish. He takes your hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze, “-I know my words won’t be enough to reassure you, so I’ll show you” he smiles. When you give him a confused look he smiles even harder, “I will show you that love isn’t superficial and I’ll show you that I will never use you, because I would never want to hurt you Y/n.” He speaks with so much sincerity that it overwhelms you, causing tears to effortlessly fall from your eyes. “All I have ever wanted was for my soulmate to be happy, and if I can make you happy, I will” Your body reacts before your brain can and you're immediately on him, hugging him so tightly as you let your happy tears flow freely. You don’t say anything, and neither does he, but you don’t have to, because both of you know that everything will be alright, as long as you’re together.

“Awww!” Wooyoung doesn’t let go of you as the two of you turn to see the owner of the voice. “Yun, you have terrible timing dude” Wooyoung grumbles to his roommate Yunho. “I’m sorry but that was just so sweet-” “get out” Wooyoung whined as he pulled you closer, making you laugh. Yunho mocks Wooyoung before giving you a joking bow, “it was nice to meet you Y/n” he says as he playfully winks. Wooyoung chases his friend out of the room before returning back to you. “Movie?” He questions and you nod, smiling up at him, “a movie sounds nice.”

#jung wooyoung #jung wooyoung x reader #jung wooyoung au #soulmate au #soulmate #ateez au #ateez fanfic #ateez soulmate au #kpop fanfic #kpop #kpop au #kpop soulmate au

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spookykiri · 3 years

Text

A single dad hawks au reposted from my Wattpad

Word count: 1425

This was just something small that I wrote AGES AGO and thought I’d just repost it from my Wattpad over to here. I haven’t proof read it or even read it since I wrote it so.... you know... might be awful.

I have many talented friends who write amazing stuff on here and thought I’d just give it a try.

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"MEGUMI TAKAMI!"

The little girl giggled lightly and shuffled further under her bed, the red blanket hanging slightly to conceal her from view. It was around 8am on a Monday. Usually by now megumi would be walking hand in hand with her dad down through the city on the way to school. But she decided it was the perfect day to test her fathers patience, knowing that if they were running late she might just get to fly to school instead of walking.

"Where are you little chicken?"

Keigo was tiptoeing down the corridor, wings trailing behind him as he stalked the way to his daughters room. Stepping inside he could see a pair of little feet sticking out from under the bed. His face adorned a playful smirk as he clambered onto the tiny mattress. The room was silent until he stuck he's head under the bed, megumi's eyes widened at the sight of her upside down dad. "BOO!" He yelled, reaching under the bed with extended arms.

Squealing happily the little girl shuffled quickly out from under, only to be tackled by her father. Strong arms lifted her up into his chest and surrounded them both with his wings, she was still giggling. "Looks like I caught myself a little chick," keigo acted surprised for his little girl, earning another happy laugh from her. "A little chick that should be getting ready for school." His eyebrow raised and she gave him a mischievous smile.

One that she learned from her father.

The two of them lived alone in keigo's city apartment. It would be wrong to say that it wasn't difficult for the pro hero. With managing the time spent with his little girl and his designated hours as a hero it was rare that he ever got a break. Every single day he would get her ready, take her to school, go to work, pick her up, either hand her over to miruko for the evening and go back to work or spend the evening himself with her. Miruko was a major help in his life. She took care of megumi a few days a week when keigo was on night patrol, this was because she opted to take morning patrol anyway so had the time to spare.

Megumi was only four so obviously it was hard for her to understand sometimes. Of course she loved spending time with "auntie miruko" but it wasn't unusual for her to ask for her dad and want to spend time with him instead. Countless times the pro hero had been called out of meetings for his daughter but he never hesitated to put her first before his job. Megumi was his pride and joy, his greatest achievement. Putting her first may have cost him a few pay checks or deals but to him it wasn't about that. Megumi deserved everything that he didn't get as a kid so he didn't hesitate to come to her aid for whatever she may need.

"Come on chickie you gotta put your hair up. Your teacher already sent me an angry email to tell me that it shouldn't be down. She's scary you know." Keigo, used his hands to softly comb the strands of her blonde hair into two pigtails. Being a single dad this was something he had to learn how to do fairly quickly, watching many videos on how to tie hair he was finally getting the hang of it. Securing each bundle with red hair ties he checked in the mirror to make sure they were even.

In the mirror two faces stared back, megumi was the spitting image of her father. Bright yellow eyes, blonde hair, long thick black eyelashes and to top it all of she even had small red wings sprouting from her back. They were slightly different however because the tips of each feather appeared to be dipped in what looked like a shiny metal. The reason for this was megumi's mother, keigo dated a woman with a metal based quirk. However after megumi was born- they were already broken up at this point- the woman was unable to care for her daughter.

Keigo offered her help, a place to stay and plenty of money to help her stay afloat but it seemed as if the financial issue wasn't the problem. To put it bluntly megumi's mother didn't want anything to do with either of them. Breaking up with Keigo meant that she was reminded of him every time she laid eyes on her daughter. So after dropping her off at her dads for the weekend- megumi was only a baby at the time- she took off and made no effort to keep contact. Keigo gained full custody of his daughter and they've been living together ever since.

The break up was not even on bad terms, Keigo treated megumi's mother like a princess. they were simply young and fell out of love quickly. Both of them were only 22 when she fell pregnant, after deciding to keep the baby Keigo was scared of what the future might hold for not just the two of them but for this new life they were bringing into the world. Shortly after she was born the two began to fight over petty things and most of the work was left to Keigo. That was probably for the best because it was clear that megumi's mother just wasn't cut out to be a parent.

Keigo was happy that she was out of the picture as megumi was the best thing that ever happened to the pro hero.

"You wanna fly to school?"

"YEAH!"

"I know that's why you hid isn't it chickie?"

"Nuh uh, I hid because I DON'T wanna go school."

"Well what a shame. Let's go."

"Pappaaaaa."

Megumi hung off her dad's arm as he stepped towards the door. Already dressed in his hero suit he swung megumi's "hawks" themed backpack over his shoulder. Obviously completing the final look. He then picked her up, putting her inside his jacket to keep warm and then locking the door. "What are you doing papa? We need go out the door, silly." Megumi scolded him but Keigo simply smirked. "Who said we were going out the front door."

He headed towards the balcony instead.

Standing on the ledge he told her to hold on tight before simply.

Jumping off.

Well it could have been classified as "falling."

The little girl screamed in happiness as the sound of her fathers wings beating filled her ears. Little hands clutched at the fabric of his shirt but she knew she was safe due to the seatbelt like arm holding onto her. All her trust went into her dad when they went flying, her wings were too small for her to fly along side him but she loved the sensation of the air whipping at her face as they glided through the air. Keigo's eyes flicked between their destination and his little girl. Smiling widely at the sight of her ecstatic expression.

The flight was short lived as her school was very close to where they lived in the city. Landing with a few more beats of his wings keigo's feet touched the concrete playground. Everyone was staring at the two of them but neither were fazed.

What? never seen someone fly into preschool before?

"Right, you got everything? Papa's gotta get to work, chicken." He crouched down to her level, his shining wings folded behind him. "Yep! I even got my notebook with your face on it!"

"Chicken all your school stuff has my face on it."

"YEAH BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

Keigo chuckled, ruffling her hair and giving the little girl a kiss on the forehead. Going to stand up however the man was pulled back down into a crouch. In front of him a little fist was waving in his face. Without a second thought Keigo fist bumped his daughter and watched as she exclaimed a loud "POW!" Afterwards.

Let's just say he left for work with a blinding smile on his face.

_______________________________________________

@sugas-sweetheart

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia hawks #bnha hawks #hawks one shot #oneshot #fanfic #hawks fanfic

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helenmaybewriting · 5 years

Text

On Academic Precarity as Ongoing Anxiety

I’ve been given reason to think about making academic precarity visible lately. I’m applying for a big early-career grant but am outside the eligible period. I am fortunate that there is a way to seek an ‘exemption’ to the rules and ask to account for a period of time that meets certain requirements as a ‘career interruption’. For some this is children or carer responsibilities, for others it is illness. For some it is working in other sectors or not working for various reasons. For me, I am claiming a period in my life post-PhD where I worked sessionally in teaching roles at multiple universities and did not hold a research position. I need to collect and tabulate proof for this period. It must be made visible in very particular ways: a neat table that outlines the reason for career interruption, the time that can be claimed, the relevant dates. I’m asked to contain this messy, precarious, anxious time of my life in a neat grid.

The bureaucratic demands seem simple: account for it, tally it up. And don’t get me wrong; I’m grateful there is a way to recognise this interruption, disruption, abruption. However, I’ve encountered so many confused faces in trying to progress the process, as if accounting for sessional work is an aberration they’ve never come across. Sessional staff teach anywhere from 40 to 70 percent of students at Australian universities, yet my requests seemed alien to many.

I have persisted in my accounting, feeling the anxiety of precarity rise again in my chest. Someone said to me it was nothing to be ashamed of. I replied: I’m not ashamed of it, I am exhausted by it.

How long was the period of time from the award of my doctorate to getting an ongoing job? Already this request narrows the scope, as if precarity starts from award and not submission or before. I was already precarious when I finally wore the floppy hat. Yet here, the form asks for an accounting for this time—from award to ongoing job—in days, weeks and months. But my body remembers it as the blur of ill-defined time characterised by sounds that hiss and sigh in my memory: sessional, scramble, stress, yes and yes and yes and yes again because it is the week before semester and I don’t have enough hours to pay rent yet. Struggle, survival, collapse are words that hiss and sigh also. What is the FTE of a period that is experienced and remembered as the always-just-audible hum of the anxiety of precarity? Account for it. Give it form.

This is the period of my endless agreeability, of ‘yes I can take just the 8am and the 4pm tutorial that day’. The period of learning to be a chameleon, of ‘yes I can teach IR/development studies/anthropology of gender/sports sociology/peace studies/global governance’. The period of befriending the public transport app that helped me trace crazed patterns between universities and learning the locations of the best cafés where I could grab lunch as I swapped discipline hats and institutional languages so my students would believe my claimed authority.

This is the period of snatched time to try and write between tutorials while I could use an institution’s library access, because publication was the only way out of this but my schedule left no real time to do it. The period that included the semester with 280 essays to mark, of phone calls with incredulous university IT because I couldn’t remember which institutional password I needed to get in to this particular one of my seven email addresses, of making dinner plans with friends and asking if we could go to the cheap delicious Asian place where I could eat a whole meal rather than the nice restaurant where I’d eat an entrée as if I wasn’t actually hungry. This is the period of my always-availability accompanied by always-exhaustion; of recognising myself in articles about stress and burnout that I would read on the train between cramming in prep for the next tutorial. This is the period of my endless professional flexibility even as the stress of the precarity fixed the muscles in my shoulders in to (still) untangle-able knots. This is the period of “non-research employment not concurrent with research employment”. Account for it. Note it down.

The neoliberal academy, that runs on this sessional labour, works in subtle and overt ways to erase it too. Sessional academics are expendable, replaceable, not ‘real’ staff, despite the institution’s dependence on their work. This year I’ve had to chase down five universities to get them to write letters outlining the periods I worked for them and confirming my work was teaching-only—confirming explicitly that they gave me no support for research during my employment. This is my ‘evidence’, codifying on various letterheads my experience of uncertain, sporadic labour. While several universities have been very helpful and quick, making this process a little smoother, others have not. Not through maliciousness, but through the grinding, churning practices of bureaucracy and the inefficiencies of systems not set up to serve people like me.

One university couldn’t find evidence of my working for them in 2013, telling me it was ‘such a long time ago’. One university only allowed me to request a HR job logged in to their intra-net, the woman on the phone for general enquiries when I called to explain the problem kept suggesting I use my current username. Several universities wrote letters detailing the 12 to 18-month period I apparently worked for them, the period in which I learned only now I remained in their system in some manner (even though my login access was cut off precisely at the end of semester). I’ve now had to supplement these letters with contracts I’ve kept to demonstrate it was only 13 weeks of hourly-work, not a year-long sessional contract. In my neat table, a list of ‘no’s fill a column titled “was the employment research related”. Account for it. Make it present.

I am not sure I will ever not feel a residual anxiety, lodged in my throat, from this time. But having to tabulate it, to fit it in to neat boxes, to repeatedly note it was “non-research related employment not concurrent with research employment”, to calculate a patchwork of start and finish dates, to accumulate evidence of the precarity, has meant I can hear that hum again and taste the stress as bitterness on my tongue. The sounds, tastes, feelings can’t be accounted for in a 200 word ‘justification statement’ in this neat document, but I try and articulate the difficulty while sounding professional and capable; further contortions.

In this process of accounting, I’ve been asked to ‘remove duplicates’ in my record because, I am told, I can’t claim the same period twice. I’ve had to again make visible the hum and bitterness, by the act of explaining once again that I wasn’t trying to claim multiple jobs as separate time periods, but rather to give a full account of my employment as requested which included working multiple jobs, simultaneously. I can feel the act of putting it in to words working to bring the blurred time in to focus in hard edges and anxious spikes in my chest. This work did overlap, but it was not duplicates; this work was a complete list of my employment, yet still barely covered my half of our living expenses. Account for it. Point it out.

That period also holds bright memories. Memories of the yeasty smell of zaatar-top pizzas from our local shops in Melbourne, and the sweet taste of carafes of wine and gossip shared with one of my dearest girlfriends; of warm rooms in winter full of boardgames and laughter, and cut grass in lazy summer afternoons sprawled with friends across a backyard. It also forged friendships across shared experiences: the Friday morning early-career writing group that was a refuge and a delight, of peers who didn’t know they were mentors but for whom I will always be grateful, and unlooked-for generosity in offering office space or other necessities when someone had slightly more security than others.

Precarity and anxiety are not totalising but they are overwhelming. I am not shamed by them, but they are exhausting.

I feel, in writing it down that I am being required to make claims for legitimacy, to assert that I belong here. Precarity and anxiety run the risk of becoming the background hum and the overlooked bitter taste. The tactics of universities trick us in to thinking we are alone with this, but although the details may vary, the story is the same for many.

In writing this, I recognise that my form and experience of precarity is its own thing; that other people’s experiences will differ. I have a supportive partner. I don’t have children. My partner, however, started doing a PhD the year I finished mine. We had moved away from my established potential-employment networks for him to take up his PhD. My precarity was made more difficult through particular health challenges, and other personal circumstances. I write here from my own experience. I write with acknowledgement of my relative privileged position of having an ongoing job now, when so many clever driven precarious peers do not. I write with anxiety and trepidation about sharing these experiences. I write in apprehension that someone will tell me my experience isn’t as bad as I feel it to have been, that other people have it worse, that this is a rite of passage for all academics, that I should get over it. My anxiety about sharing proves the point about needing to share. The invisibility of this work, and how we write it into or out of our narratives, works to indivdiualise our experiences and isolate us.

I think in accounting for my interruption, my period of “non-research related employment not concurrent with research employment”, moving from the blur to the boxes forced me to describe the reality of that period, and that has been deeply discomforting. But writing this reflection, and naming the precarity and its attendant feelings, is a way of making visible these structures. It is a way of acknowledging that my survival of that period fundamentally depended on the support of others. I don’t have magical solutions, but after this rollercoaster of paperwork and bureaucracy count me in for the barricades if anyone is up for a revolution. Until then, know that while the institutions may not care—about precarity, burnout, stress, enduring anxiety—I do, and if you have a story similar to mine know I see you and I’m so glad you’re here. Account for it. Hold it to account.

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curiouskarenscapers2017 · 7 years

Text

Vol.11 June 2005

And so my last month dawned. Got a website called Global paws that I emailed to help me with Draco and what was to happen on the plane and in quarantine…I feel much better. Trying to swim through our governmental website just wanting information about importing a pet is a night mare. You get 10 papers on importing exotic animals to breeding them but no, bring your cat or dog into the country and here are the papers everybody refers to but you can’t find!!! Thnx!!

Anyway, we’ll see, the poor thing is going for all his shots and microchips and fixer uppers at once….hope he doesn’t hate me too much after that experience!!!! Shame!!

It’s pouring out side in the warmth of the Taiwan summer. So we have warm dirty rain instead of cold dirty rain. It does cool things off somewhat and makes it seem much cleaner.

We had our monthly , it seems now, “earth shudder” more than a “quake” really at about quarter past 12 at night on the 1st June. We’ve had very few lately….I’m not complaining!

Anyway, so the new teachers left again and I can’t understand how the management of this school can not see that they are doing something wrong!!!! It must be their existing foreigner’s fault that no new teachers want to stay…..hmmmm. What ever makes you sleep better at night!!!

So, the rain keeps pouring and the weeks fly by. It’s weekend and 1 week to payday!!! Also a week to go for the Dragon Boat festival! It’s starts at 8am on Saturday. So a good early start to our day…will have everything charged and ready!!! Received my mom’s package on Wednesday and handed out the bracelets we got made by my mom’s maid’s sister or something…everybody was going berserk about them and the kids started asking how much…..well let’s start a business, shall we? To think that this lady’s bracelets are being worn in Taiwan…how many people can say that? Ahhhhh the global village!

And so Draco’s fateful day arrived and I managed to get to see where the Vet was situated. Abby introduced me and I was immediately set at ease. I borrowed her scooter to go to Carrefour to get some monthly essentials like, yoghurt and butter and the usual. After about half an hour and getting to the till I realized I might just have too many things to pack on the scooter. Four big bags of heavy groceries, all liquids and things, and a pack of twelve toilet rolls….interesting. Now the test to see if I am a true Taiwanese begins…..all the years of my dad packing the trunk/boot of the car had finally paid off. On an area of about 1 square meter I packed two bags, tied to each other and the bag with all the eggs on top of them to keep them grounded to the floor and then the lighter bag on my lap with the toilet rolls between myself the bag and the handle bars. What a sight I must have been but then again, everybody looks like this here. I was a true Taiwanese!!!

I managed to get home in one piece with my toes curling under the two saddle bags on the floor to add support.

I collected poor unsuspecting Draco lying in front of the TV. “It’s time boy” I placed him in the carry cage and he was quite happy to be in it, having played up, over and around it everyday of his life. So when the door closed I think he was still ok with the idea. When the front door opened and the lift doors opened I think he felt differently. When the scooter motor started purring away I think he didn’t like the idea too much at all. He went all silent in the corner of the cage, as much as he could fill the corner of the cage as he occupied about half the cage already. The vet was excellent, spoke English well and had no problem telling us what I needed. We also asked for Draco to be “fixed” and Abby added her own version of “snip snip” to it to confirm what we wanted and the vet came up with his own word “castrated” we cringed and said rather used “neuter”, as this was for all animals. He just laughed and wrote it down with the word “fix” attached to it. He gave Draco his shot and we waited. After about 10 min or so, Draco was still way to wide awake, a few minutes later he was out for the count and all the stresses of hearing dogs bark and smelling new smells drifted away.

It was quick and painless. The vet, Mark, asked me into the operating room and he showed me the chip in Draco’s neck with a detector. It comes up with a 10 digit number. Cool! He got his vaccinations and rabies shots and everything! He had however to come back for the next three days for an antibiotic as he had some complications when “fixing” him. Poor thing!!! Never been out of the apartment save for three or so times down stairs in the garden and now, a scooter ride, injections, neutering, new people, noise, smells….I am way to into his shoes at this stage!!! I feel like a mother taking her kid to the doctor for the first time…hectic people!!!

Anyway, took him home and placed him on the bed. He looked like a party animal after a good Saturday night outing. His tongue stuck out, his eyes were squint and his head was bobbing around. I took a few discriminating photo’s…don’t tell him. After about 5 hours he could pick his head up and bob it from side to side to try and focus. After another few hours he could lift his front and drag his backside a bit. Later he could careen around corners and down the hall at a snails pace pausing from time to time to get his bearings. I wonder what goes through their minds when they are like this? The mind wants to go and move as he always does. Jump from one couch to another but the body ain’t goin no-where!!! It’s actually sooooo funny, but I wonder what is going to happen tomorrow when we have to go again!!! At least it’s only for an injection, nothing serious. Poor thing!!!!

Anyway, I returned the scooter to Abby, not before I decided to fill it up at a petrol station to say thanks. Do you think I could find a gas station ANYWHERE!!! With sooooo many scooters and cars…how could they possibly only have one gas station in all of Changhua!!! I went to where I remembered seeing one about 6 months ago. FINALLY found it and stopped at the pump. The service lady beckoned to me to go down the side of the station. I didn’t quite understand but followed to where she was pointing. A small, what looked like a drive thru side street lead me to behind the main station and pumps to a little miniature scooter world gas station. Too cute!!!! Little markings on the pavement to show where the scooter must drive to the pump etc. Shame!!! About 10 scooters arrived while the little service attendant helped me find the cap, which was under the seat, or rather inside the seat compartment. NT 100 / R20 filled the tank…I NEED to get one of these at home!!!! And with a cheerful toothy grin and wave goodbye I left the world of Lilliput feeling strangely satisfied!

Draco was fine the next day and could put one foot in front of the other without making it look like he had a few. I felt so bad putting him through this traveling again today to the vet, this time on the bicycle! Interesting. I dreamt about different ways of putting him in the basket and closing it etc. Eventually with his dog collar/brace on I placed him in the basket and left the cover, he filled the basket by half already. So, with my one hand holding him inside the basket and the other steering I started our journey to the vet at about 10am. He was relatively scared witless so he stayed in the bottom of the basket squashed in the corner. Every noise making him twitch. Shame!!! At one stage he made a leap for it but I grabbed him in mid air and pushed him back in the basket. After that he decided it was safer in the bottom and stayed their quite content. I sighed with relief. The vet was happy to see us and gave him his shots after trying to cut his nails a bit. Draco made it know that he hated this little procedure!! He tolerates it at home when I do it, but I think after the ordeal of getting here and the previous trauma of the previous day was enough to drive any cat over the edge. But it was done and he was alive!!!

The trip back home was much better, his initial reaction to be put back into the basket was legs straight kicking against the sides and straddling the basket….I nearly killed myself laughing! It was a cartoon moment! But once he was in, he settled and I didn’t even have to hold him down. He’ll live, tomorrow we do this all over again. Maybe a blessing in disguise so that he gets used to all the handling before he goes on his all time big trip home!!!!

The days went by with Draco and I cycling up to the vet and him now “punt in die wind” in the basket, smelling everything that his nose could smell. Eventually the paperwork done, and some more to come, and me still trying to get hold of the Cathay Pacific people to organise for him to go as cargo. Getting the run around and eventually contacting the right people…..who didn’t speak English. “Monica!!!” Once again she came to the rescue and spoke to the people as to what we needed what the costs involved were etc. Bit of a mission, I need to write it down and put it on the local website for anybody wanting to do this in the future!

A new teacher arrived today(Wednesday) and we were told that she was staying with Ryno and I, as of tonight. Kim nearly had a heart attack as they never said a word to her and her flat needed to be cleaned before somebody could move in. They usually take the new people to her flat, as she is the only one in it. A few weeks ago the landlord of that flat died and the daughter wants it for herself, so Kim will have to move into ours or ,when Judy gets another apartment, move into that. Bit of a mission. The contract Judy has(or rather had) with the landlord was that they have the apartment until end of August when Kim leaves, now that he died it suddenly doesn’t apply anymore and she must move out by the end of June…weird….you’d never get that in SA, a contract is a contract no matter who dies. As usual it’s a surprise and everybody gets caught off guard including the poor new teacher, Chantal from Canada Ontario.

The weeks are flying past! And the weekend of the Dragon boat Festival arrived. No working on Saturday, because it’s a holiday….wooooooooo! Lucky us!!! Anyway, the plan is to wake up at 6:00am, get the 7:00am bus to Lukang and meet up with Gina, a Chinese teacher at the school, at the bus station. She will take me to the harbour where the boat race starts at 8:00am. The batteries are charging!!!

Saturday morning dawned and I was up at 6am. Out of the flat by 6:30am and off to the bus station. I arrived about 15min later and got my return ticket to Lukang. The bus arrived about 8min early and I was one of 4 people on it, lovely!! Got to the bus station and saw that it had been demolished, I thought something was missing. I asked the bus driver to stop and asked him where’s the building. He just answered “mayo” meaning “no building” or “not have”. I got off there anyway as we all still thought it was there and arrangements had been made. So Melissa and her crew arrived after 7:45 and Gina came to pick me up with her scooter at about the same time. We lead the way while the car followed. We ventured into an industrial office park area, all open and green! The harbour wasn’t really a harbour as we know it, it was more and estuary or lagoon that rises and ebbs as the tides do. All gray and muddy. We arrived at the boat race location and my rowing day memories came flooding back.

Many marquees were erected and the teams were getting ready to participate in their different company colours and flags. Not quite what I had expected but exciting enough. I had a very traditional image in my mind of flags blowing in the wind with dragon designs and traditional Taiwanese outfits etc. Somewhere in Taiwan perhaps, but not today. We walked onto a floating jetty and took our places watching the start. The boats were dragons with the heads and tails adorning the front and back of the boat. About 12 guys rowed with short oars and a steering person manned the back end and the drummer manned the head, shouting his commands and beating a big red drum as they went. The steering man reminded me of a gondola driver, about to burst into “O solo mio”. One team’s commanding crew looked like two taxi drivers, one tall and skinny with his “Chips” glasses on and the other with a wrap around black pair of sunglasses.

The foreigners had entered a boat and apparently there was a lot of Russians aboard and a few faces from the Maple Leaf greeted us. Apparently the girl team was to row at about 11am. Wish I had entered, I REALLY wanted to do this!!! The started shouted out his commands and the crew raised their oars a few centimetres above the water level. As the shot was fired they dug in and pulled to the rhythm of the drum beat. Too cool!!!

After about an hour and a half we left and went exploring. Our group now consisted of myself, Melissa her new roommate Liz from Ontario Canada, Trista, a Chinese teacher at their school who’s family lives in Lukang and Gina, our Chinese teacher at Sesame Street, who’s family also lives in Lukang. Trista had a lot of historic knowledge about Lukang and it was great to have a tour guide! We visited the old familiar sights and discovered new ones.

We arrived at the Matsu temple we always walk past in our regular route and noticed marquees up in the court in front of the temple. A long table was set up and ladies were preparing food that looked like pancakes. Like a church bazaar, I suppose it was a temple bazaar in a way. What had happened according to Trista’s enquiries is that somebody made a wish and it came true so the temple was now celebrating this by making food for everybody….for free! We got a sweet pancake and a savoury one. Amazing, imagine us doing that every time your prayers are answered…a thanks giving celebration.

At the entrance to the temple there was a set up in the main temple door. The litter, I told you about previously, that they carry the god in and shake around was mounted at a height that people could crawl underneath. So what happens is you make your wish, say your prayer in front of it, kneel down and crawl through under it, as you come out the other side, you get a plum and a peach, also a religious connotation to fruit, especially pineapples.

On the inside of the temple in their centre court, there is a table set out with lucky water set out for all to drink, again for free. On another table people place food, go into the temple pray and come out taking their food or donating it to people.

Another interesting thing we learned is that Matsu is their god of the people who travel the sea, fishermen etc. She has two helpers that are placed at the entrance to the prayer area on either side. One has the powers to hear exceptionally well and the other to see very far, so that when somebody is in trouble and calls out the one who hears well will tell Matsu and she will respond, the same goes for the one who can see people in trouble from far away. There is even a tiger god under her offering table that look after the children.

In the prayer hall there are two kneeling pillows and there are half moon shaped wooden blocks on the offering table in front of them. The blocks fit into your palm. You place them flat sides facing to make a little banana shape in your hand. You ask Matsu a question about anything that is troubling you and throw the blocks on the ground. If they fall a certain way then it means yes, if the fall the opposite way it means no. Somewhat like an eight ball you shake and it says, “maybe”.

We actually went into the Matsu temple like before but then we went in further along the side and found a whole touristy section behind it! A wishing well with the most amazing little tortoises that multiplied as you looked carefully between the identical rocks. You have to through a one dollar coin into the dragon’s mouth for your wish to come true. This is where your coinage and drinking games come in handy!

There is also a specific way you walked through a temple. You start at the right side and move out through to the left. As you go right the dragon gives you luck and as you go out the left the tiger gives you strength, wisdom etc. Up the stairs we came into a room with a “Christmas tree-looking” stand, with thousands of small lights shining from small indents with a little golden figure in it. It looked just like a Christmas tree with fairy lights. Each little compartment on the tree had a name and number on it and we found out that each year people come to the temple and paid a fee for the year to book a space. With this ritual they ensure a prosperous and lucky year ahead, good marks in your tests at school, good business year etc. Every end of the year the tree is cleared and new names get inserted. There wasn’t just the one tree, they were along the walls and there were about four or so trees with literally thousands of lights on them. Amazing how different religions work. They had stunning wood work on the roof of one such section with the dragon and the phoenix battling dawn and dusk, beginning and end. Small hexagonally folded papers were in a small wooden box and this is supposed to be placed in a little Chinese material bag the size of a matchbox around your neck to ward of evil during the festive time. It is supposed to contain a ghost that fights the evil spirits trying to enter your soul. Okay!!!!!

We explored out side and went down an alley we had never gone down before and a whole new shopping lane with the most amazing doors and entrances to houses lined the street. Traditional food, shoes, clothes and brick’a’brack were sold everywhere! Such a stunning feeling in these walk ways. Old but with a hint of new as the shops produce their electronic wears as well as old traditional. A lady was sitting in one bend with a “zippy zither” as I called it. I had one when I was little and loved it. This one was the size of a piano and done in a stunning red wood with inlaid mother of pearl designs at her feet and on it’s legs. Beautiful!

We had lunch and oysters, fried and cooked and prawn chow fan etc. for about R15 each. Drank a fantastic cup of fresh watermelon juice! And shopped for gifts. The day flew by and the next thing we know it was 2 o’clock. We wanted to go and explore the Sea shell temple. So off Trista took us and we found it in a quiet section of the town between the rice paddies. The odd looking building is totally made from sea shells and by one man! The story goes that he had a dream once from Matsu and she told him to make a temple of sea shells, he dismissed it and for a long time to come he dreamt the same dream until one day he decided to do it. He’s still busy! The most amazing sight to see. The walls, stairs, lights, ornaments and everything else is made from sea shells. Amazing! The time and effort it must take to make only one wall is beyond me. He had made a the temple as the ocean to house the god. There are amazing dragons he made, their beards from coral and seaweed and eyes of a stone that looks alive, the scales of the dragon are all different coloured shells individually placed to cover the dragon…simply amazing! He should be in the Guinness Book of records for “the most sea shells in one place”….even the sea can’t compete! You walk through the temple to get to the back and in the process you walk down a corridor that is adorned on both sides with images of phoenixes and dragons. At the back of the building he has a business of selling sea shells as well and light fittings of sea shells etc. As you enter the shop section three massive replicas of temples surprise you. All made from shells with such depth and detail, you just want to go inside and walk around!

Outside you walk into an area where they have fish in tanks, 5 potbellied pigs and 3 crocodiles in the apartment next to them. One tank had barble in it, I was still looking at the small section on the things tail thinking it was the fish until he moved and I had to rearrange my vision measurement in my brain. It was a huge thing of about 5 foot something!!! There were about three basking in the shallow water…..now I know what lurks in Hartebeespoort dam!

Gina had to go home earlier and met us again at the temple with rice dumplings for all. These are not dumplings as such but they call them that. It is sticky rice with beef or pork, chestnuts and egg mixed together and placed inside two bamboo leaves and cooked/steamed. Very tasty and filling although only about two hands full.

We ended our day by going for a drink at a coffee shop and lazing around chatting until about 5 pm or so. Got home and Gina invited us to go see a movie. At first no one had the energy but later we decided to fill the day properly and saw Mr and Mrs Smith! Too cool!! In all of this I had forgotten that I had taken the bus to Lukang and had not used my return ticket, which was not the problem. I also forgot that my bicycle was at the bus station waiting for me to return. So the next day as we planned to go to breakfast at our usual breakfast nook, I suddenly couldn’t find my bicycle and thought somebody had moved it. Then it dawned on me it’s still at the bus station. We had our breakfast and the heavens opened. We sat and chatted until about and hour and a half before venturing back to the apartment. Melissa waned to show Liz some shopping in Changhua and I wanted to go to the internet café, and I had to go fetch my bike at the bus station all the way up the road. Walked up, said good-bye to the girls half way and continued my brisk walking pace. Once again a blessing in disguise, all this exercise! It poured and luckily I had my raincoat in my backpack. Lost another kg sweating the next km in the wet heat and finally got to the bus station where old faithful was waiting for me….amazing country this! Cycle back to the internet café and just parked my bike and connected when the heavens opened and it poured for about an hour. Nearly two hours later at 6pm I went home and started organising photo’s etc. I took 104 photo’s in Lukang….amazing this new digital technology….I would have had to be a millionaire in the old days if I took photo’s the same way!

Only a few more weeks left!! And the heavens opened and the earth was soaked! As soon as you think the sun is forcing it’s way through the clouds to dry the land below it gets knocked out of the way by the cloud bully and the tears flow! The river got a life of it’s own and I couldn’t sleep last night in case I missed a flood! I was getting up every half hour in the pouring to check the level of it, it was rising and the ferns and plants on the sides were submerged….the poor river, only when there are typhoons and torrential rains does it become alive before diminishing into an oily, soapy slick trickle, discoloured and dead.

Our ESL program at school is coming to an end for the kids and final exams are all over the place making life easier preparation wise but more work marking wise. They end off on the 30th July for their summer break of a month. Then they come back at different times during this summer break for more classes…this time a bit more fun based classes. Shame…what about no classes over the holidays???? Their school year books are amazing compared to ours and money has been spent to make it memorable for the kids.

The girls, Kim, Abby and Teri have been practicing their dancing in a group for a promotional dancing session this weekend for a friends club opening. Very exciting but this weather!!! Since our Green Island trip they danced for us and soon attracted a crowd and from this interest the group began and they decided to do it a bit professionally. Too cute!! The outfits and the accessories make it!!!! They were stressed out but happy when I was asked to criticize one week day of practicing. They did great and with a few minor comments practiced the night away.

The weekend arrived and the preparations for the show started. A frantic call at about and hour before the show asking for the camera woman and booze, confirmed everything was going as planned. The weather held and it was actually quite pleasant out. Myself, Ryno and Chantal (the new room mate) walked up to the train station where the show was to be held. They have a performance area opposite the station where all their town activities take place. Some school kids gathered as we walked past to meet them where they were being made up and hair done. We walked into a café called Dream Café and found them upstairs like three models being fussed over. At times having two people doing their hair and a third the make up.

It was fun and exciting and we got them into the spirit so that not too much stress was building. We went down to the performance area and waited for their entrance. They arrived to do the Cumbia and everybody cheered for them as they performed. Gina and Monica and her sister arrived to support the cause. It was great fun. They did extremely well and can now say they performed professionally in front of a Taiwanese crowd in Taiwan! Who can say that!!! The disappeared after to get ready for the next act and we all met new people and chatted for a while. The reappeared in their new outfits and performed the Merenge. All flashy and well executed. After that Kim invited whoever for a Salsa lesson on stage to fill time. The next act was the Mayor handing over the money collected to two charities. And that was the end of that. We waited for them again as they collected all their stuff and got make upped some more as practice for the hair and make up people and ended up going to Abby and Teri’s apartment for some after performance drinks. We got psyched up for a party and all forced me with! We went to Taichung where Ryno’s friend Andrew had invited us to join them at Tiger City where there had been a fashion show and the after party was raging. We arrived and entered the Moet champagne lounge. Too cool!! All foreigners and most looking very arty farty and a tad conceited. It felt like I was back in Jo’burg! Shame, not all, just some of them. The outfits and hair! Very entertaining. We had a great time as usual and was dancing until around 2am. We all got hungry and got a taxi to the Soundgarden…opposite the Pig Pen..our other old time favourite. We got disappointed as their pizza kitchen closed and we decided to go home. We got a sausage and rice outside in the street from a vendor and that hit the spot as we were driven back home. Got home and crashed at about 3:45am. Need less to say I woke up around 2pm. I’m too old for this!!! Have I said this before????

I went to the interne café to email my dad happy father’s day and email my mom to say happy birthday and we’ll have another party on my return in exactly a month’s time today!!! Cool hey!!! It’s time!! Got home just in time for the Rugby, had my blood pressure go through the roof as the French tackled the Springboks and the game end in a tie! Then Ryno and I took a walk up to the cinema’s to watch Batman….tooooooo cooooooll!! One for the DVD collection that’s for sure!! Next is War of the Worlds.

On the Monday I finally plucked up the courage to go to my swimming for the last time. I suddenly started to feel the emotions get hold of me as I cycled to the spa and saw the people there. As I left, after getting them to take photo’s etc. and the owner coming to speak to me and saying they will be very sad to see me go, I suddenly started seeing things as if it’s for the last time…which it was. Walking in slow motion into the steam room or sinking into the aromatic spa or relaxing in the bubble chair. This is it, the feeling you will have one day knowing it’s the end…….all seems better more beautiful and I wondered if I should stay another year……….hmmmmmm no thank you….I have people waiting for me! Things to do, places to see and people to meet….thanks but no thanks!

At school later that day I arrived on the school scooter after being at the other branch and I was immediately reminded of Mads. What do you think made me stop in my tracks and take a photo? Well maybe I should start with an introduction to her, she bought a cow print bikini a while back and came to love it! I just thought this would match it beautifully……a scooter painted in cow print! To die for doll!

The weather picked up a bit and we had beautiful bright blue skies dappled with fluffy white clouds…..a rare sight…believe me. Much like London weather, except for the rainy sky we have the foggy or rather smoggy sky. The rain cleaned it out a bit and the wind has picked up the last week and cleared the air a bit. I decided, the help of my mother, against bringing my faithful mountain bike back home. I don’t know what it is with me and transportation! I get very sentimental about anything that has faithfully transported me to my work or play through out my life! I can foresee a tearful departure!

The 2nd last week of the month has come to an end and I am in a lightly panicky mode as I am getting my things organised and hoping I don’t forget anything. I have to get to the post office at some stage to send my boxes home on the two month surface mail boat and am still waiting for the cargo company to get back to me with regards to Draco’s transportation. I have a quote already but just wanted a second one in case I could bring the price down a bit. Not too bad as it is. We still have to make our trip to Taichung within 10 days of departing Taiwan. I received his permit papers from SA and sighed a sigh of relief as that was now done and he was a legal immigrant.

Time is flying past and I got my Chinese shirt I had made. I bought the material at a corner shop with some stunning designs and colour but when I saw the turquoise and silver Chinese material I had to have it. I asked the guy for some African designs for my mom but they had very little and what they had was only an animal skin print. I asked him where I could get a shirt made and he took me around the corner to a connection of him. A family business by the looks of it. And old gentleman and a young guy. Probably father and son. He measured me up, made some suggestions in broken English and I decided on a design. It would be ready in about a week he said and I was back at the assigned time, soaked to the bone as this was the time the heavens opened! They weren’t ready yet and was putting on the final touches. It was beautiful! I decided not to rush them as he was displaying an amazing talent for stitching a hem….with his hand!! This is an astonishing accomplishment for me though, because I believe in machine work or iron on solutions……thank goodness they don’t and workmanship means everything to them in this country. I returned the next evening at about 9pm and found him on his own busy with the next project. My shirt was hanging in the window. What a stunning shirt it is! He lined it with a lavender and silver binding and frogs(Chinese ties) of the same colour. It picked up the small flower design of the same colour so beautifully. I tried it on and everything fitted perfectly. He was amazing, no adjustments needed and no mistakes made. Perfect!

I decided I will wear it to the kindergarten graduation on my final day of school in Taiwan. I showed the shirt to the girls at school the week after and they immediately wanted me to don the garment for inspection. I agreed and “voila” they all exclaimed how stunning it looked. “You look so thin in it.” Was one comment I truly relished and decided that from now on I will be wearing this shirt every day! Naaahhh…but it’s a good sign that the design works for me…I’ll get similar ones made one day!

We went to see Batman and I was in heaven. It was stunning. Great movie and realistically made so that each physical feat is logically explained, not too super heroish. Father’s day passed and my mom’s birthday arrived and I was down in the dumps thinking about not being there. They phoned, I felt better and promised to have a party in a months time!!!

“All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go….” Sing with me “I’m leaving on a jet plane, don’t know when I’ll be back again……” probably never but I’ll never forget the people or this country, my faith in the human race has been restored and expanded to incorporate another race all together. The words of a numerologist that read my details probably 11 years ago at my first cell phone job in Jo’burg, still stuck in the back of my mind……”you will be a friend of the world…” interesting isn’t it?

So Saturday afternoon I went off to the Vet to get Draco’s papers for SA filled in and stamped and ready to take to Taichung within our 10 dyas of travelling and we got home just in time for getting ready for the rugby between SA and France (2nd match). Ryno suggested we go to Flamingo’s because they have Supersport on TV there and we went. Met Stacy(ex-teacher) and her SA boyfriend Douw and then the supporters streamed in wearing their SA jerseys. The pub that usually shows the games in Taichung was closed so they all got taxi’s to come and watch it out here. Like people coming from Durban to Toti to watch the game. An extraordinary feeling of camaraderie was on display as we cheered and shouted our comments on the match to the many TV’s all around. It was great! The best way to watch a game like this! Excited supporters cursed at the ref a few times and as we near the try line the roar was deafening and the beers were downed in celebration. We won and had a last round at about 11:30pm. We eventually left and went for a quick last last round at The New York bar…Melissa and I couldn’t find this place before but Ryno showed me the way and we chatted about our past travelling and again next year…hmmm Scandanavia and Norway will be the destinations, I think. We walked back at about 1:00am and I had a good sleep until about 9:30am when our next expedition was planned and executed.

So I escorted the new teacher Tanya that was leaving the Monday, to the morning market and popular street. We walked for over 5 hours. Started around 11am and ended around 5pm. Good exercise and good company. She had no problem finding clothes etc. She’s as small as they are and everything fits her perfectly. I saw the most amazing clothes for everybody today and it will probably not be there when I go back to buy it. The clothes are soo cheap ….a stunning shirt that would probably cost in the range of R100 – R200 will cost you R50 – R80 here. Really excellent export opportunity! Especially there shoes…you’ll have to cater for the 3 – 6 size, some up to 8 but seldom, at a third of the price at home. You can look like a Sandton coo-girl for R100! Designer wear and all! Let’s….

So our outing just re-connected my dulled senses with regards to my environment and I enjoyed myself as if it was the first time I went exploring. Great fun.

My plans to go to Chiayi with Melissa up the Alishan mountains fell through due to lack of funds with regards to the ever growing fight between gifts and pleasure. Gifts won and I was shopping like crazy, getting everything done.

The day was scorching and over 38degrees. In our apartment with the fan on it was 32…..lovely…Durban in Summer…aaahhh yes. SO suddenly I realised I had just over two weeks left before going home and the depression set in. Thinking about seeing some of the kids for the last time in your entire life! Seeing teachers or other people for the last time ever, was quite depressing and the stress of hoping alls well with all my paperwork for Draco just accumulated in my gaining another few grey hairs and many hours of lost sleep.

Taiwan Times Vol 11 Vol.11 June 2005 And so my last month dawned. Got a website called Global paws that I emailed to help me with Draco and what was to happen on the plane and in quarantine…I feel much better.

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defunctblogtobedeleted · 7 years

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6/11/17, 1:41am - post vacation

It’s been two weeks since I last wrote. Goddamn it feels like months.

The day after saturday.... So Sunday my family shows up at my place, mom immediately starts going through my shit until I start yelling and smacking her on the back of the head. Definitely not a good note to start off on.

The trip was pretty fucking great. Idk if they’re highlights but I just wanna ramble off a bunch of memories. Ate at Cracker Barrel on the way down because Trusten always felt left out when me and Tessa would go eat there with my dad. Little did he know that was my least favorite place he would take us, but it was a nice dinner nonetheless lmao. The subject of my vasectomy became a huge topic all trip, partially because I had to bring up trying to keep my shit from getting infected whenever we would go swimming. Immediately jumped into the beach though it was fantastic. The water was beautifully clear and so warm, like taking a bath. Got to know my cousins a lot better. Christina is great, but also made me happy I’m not about to have a kid at my age. Got to see my aunts and stuff too, I can’t rag on her too hard because one has cancer, but they were talking about some pseudo-spiritualism-science for a long time and I just had to smile and keep my mouth shut for a while. “I’ve read it takes 48 days for the spirit of the deceased to reach the heavens. And it takes 48 days for a developing baby to be imbued with the spirit. Coincidence??” yeah idk lmfao. Great dance party with the fam though lol. Tessa’s looking unhealthily skinny but tremendously happy. I’m glad she’s back and done with her crazy dieting. Puts me to shame, tbh. Kinda makes me want to go a little harder and finish trimming off my fat but I’ve got more healthy plans I’m gonna start working on I think. Saw danni and her new gf, she cut my hair and gave me a new dye job. Was frustrated that I had to have so much cut off because I wanted to keep growing it out, but it Does look pretty fucking great and I have faith in her regardless lol. Smoked with her and grandpa and mom and talked about a whole bunch of shit. Tried to explain about how I treasure my personal time way more than investing my time into growing my wealth, had to try and do it without giving him shit for spending all his time trying to make money and not having any of it left to himself after the divorce. Also asked if he was gay and he said nah so that puts that to bed lmaooo. we went out to the Keys and that was kind of a disaster. I always kinda romanticized the thought of them when I was a kid, remembering like bright white sandy beaches and beautiful water, but there’s actually not much of that at all down there. The beach we went to smelt like rot. It was beautiful but covered in seagrass and very shallow, me and tessa and tav and trusten had a nice time of swimming against the current together joking about shit. Made a nice dinner of fried salmon and asparagus for my little brothers. Felt nice to cook again, should probably do more of that. Things boiled over with my mom when she kept fucking with the other food I picked out for us. Wasted a whole pack of bacon out of spite and so I flipped shit and decided I was done with them. Spent a day playing video games and tanning and laying around, was probably best to heal up my nuts anyway lol. We left the keys a day early because of it, but not before we got to watch this tenacious D video that they had. No wifi lol. Lessee. Came back up, saw gabbi and I think I like her new bf. They seem pretty good together, but I tried to warn them to not nitipick each other to death now that they’re moving in together. Good luck lmfao. Drank 9 beers and a cider with my uncle DJ and cousin Dom and his girlfriend was cute too, I shared wayyy too much about my life, told half my family about how I had my friends photograph me fucking at the old well, but ate some delicious fucking italian cooking and had a wonderful night. Smoked with DJ and mom and listened to their old stories of growing up as kids and getting into trouble for smoking and stuff. Oh and right before the keys I started binge watching Doctor Who. Since Katy went and watched every single episode of rick and morty in one night I asked her what her favorite show was that I could do. Doctor Who is a Little more involved, but I’ve gotta say it’s fucking incredible. Fell in love with it within minutes, had me giggling like an idiot all week. I’d stay up til like 7am watching episodes, get a few hours of sleep and then try to do whatever everyone else was though by the end of the trip it wasn’t much. The drive home wasn’t very eventful, me and mom split it, and it ended at a nice pit stop at dar and pa’s for some pancakes and a nap before I had to head home. Was trying to do a melee tournament and see katy and found out I needed to get my tire fixed, but then costco was going to take too long and so would melee so I just got back to greensboro and had a nice night of watching adventure time and a little sex and cuddles. Pretty fucking solid vacation despite the fighting with the fam, not gonna lie. Plus this is like the first time I look really not-fat in beach pictures, it’s kinda incredible.

So Katy... I spent a lot of time talking to Katy. We’ve at least snapchatted every day for the past month now, but haven’t had another drunk convo like when I was at the lake. After seeing her when I got back on monday I also spent the night with her again weds, and we’ve been bingewatching Adventure Time from the beginning and I took her out to eat at Smith Street Diner, it’s all been fantastic. But she couldn’t see me tuesday because she had another guy friend over (and another on thursday, but I was at work anyway lol). So I get kinda jealous that she has this beautiful ass kid and all these other guys wanting to fuck her, mostly because I don’t have other people or a very decent schedule to hook up right now, orr even get to go out drinking with her. Feelsbadman. It also feels like it’d be too much work/money to try to get a side chick anyway, and plus, melee is my real side hoe let’s not kid ourselves.. [speaking of which, the day I couldn’t see her I kicked ass at melee and won a little money, so that was pretty fucking great.] She’s amazing to spend time with and she gave me a toothbrush to keep in her bathroom and I love cuddling up with her beautiful body, but tbh she’s pretty standoffish whenever I try to get too intimate in person (mostly trying to kiss her too much), and when she refuses to send me a message back because she’s with somebody else I can’t help but shake this feeling like I’m not good enough for her... Feelings are stupid. I worry about going too hard too fast with her, but every time I’ve gone too far off the deep end she’s been able to laugh it off, which I think is incredible. Definitely should have scared her off with the shit I was saying about trying to make her fall in love with me (and not vice versa, for the record, because I still don’t have any feelings <:^D ) when I was 10 drinks deep, but somehow she even laughed that off. Plus she’s fantastically nerdy and exposed me to doctor who and this show is like my favorite shit right now lmao. I’ve just wrapped up the fourth season, which is about 37 hours of watching within the past two weeks.. It’s so fucking goooood, man. She told me all I had to do was catch up to her at the 12th doctor but I wanna go back and watch all the old stuff after that, too. so like 56/835 episodes done so far so good lmaoo. Anyway. Idk I just hope I get to spend a lot more time with her doing cool shit. I don’t know what I am to her, so I have no idea if this is gonna go anywhere, but it really doesn’t matter all that much to me anyway. I just enjoy hanging out with her, and she got me to quit smoking cigarettes completely, and now I’m watching this wonderful show instead of wasting my fucking life bored on twitch streams, and I’m even actually starting to get motivated to start exercising again. And the sex is greattttt lmaooo. So I want to spend as much time with her as possible. It’s pretty gay, not gonna lie, but that’s where I’m at right now. Idk why I’ve always needed some cute girlie to help motivate me to get my shit done, though. Personal flaws...

OH HOLY FUCK so this week was the most productive week ever though, because not only did I manage to get laid and place 3rd in melee this week, I also FINALLY got to take the exam for my RPSGT!! The day I was originally scheduled for was a shit show, I drove 2 hours out to fayetteville and found out they had fucked up my registration and I didn’t get to take it that day after waiting for hours to see if they could fix it, but luckily I was able to get rescheduled for the day after, so I left Katy’s place to go to Durham and took it at 8am thursday. I was fucking sweating a little, not gonna lie. They were asking me all sorts of questions about pediatric sleep medicine that I wasn’t quite prepared for, and some of the scoring questions were confusing to me, but I managed to pass! So now I finalllllllllly have made it to become a real sleep tech. Gonna get that fat raise and finally get to a point where I can stop worrying about money, it’s fucking phenomenal.

So I’m so fucking ready to get off work... Gonna go back to raleigh today and see fonzi and frankie and maybe johnny so that’s gonna be sick. There’s this new melee mod that came out so I’m thinking about getting a soldering iron and fucking with my controller, maybe I’ll actually be good at this game lol. Dunno when I’m hanging with katy next hopefully every day lmfaooo. I guess I’ll update when I update.

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edmlifeofficial · 7 years

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2017 BPM Shooting Update, Impact (Banned from Returning?) and DJ statements

A new post has been published on EDM Life at http://edmlife.com/2017-bpm-shooting-update-impact-banned-from-returning-and-dj-statements/

As most of you now know, there was a tragic shooting at the 2017 BPM Festival a week ago Sunday night. Ostensibly related to the drug cartels possibly not getting their extortion or “dues” paid, a gunman who attempted to enter the Blue Parrot nightclub and denied entry then began shooting. Three security guards were hit and killed. One of the security guards that was shot accidentally shot several clubgoers as they were falling to the floor. Also a young lady attending the event was tragically killed apparently in the stampede for individuals rushing to leave the nightclub.

Violence continued the next day when the Quintana Roo state’s attorney-general, (and their chief prosecutor) Miguel Angel Peche who is in charge of the investigation into the shooting at the BPM, himself became the target of assassins when a group of gunmen on motorcycles attacked his office. Before the attempt on his life Peche said regarding the BPM shooting “Either they didn’t reach an agreement over protection payments, directly extortion, or it may be that somebody did not allow them to sell drugs inside [the club]. Perhaps the strongest hypothesis is that this person had gone there to demand they comply with protection payments.”

Two hand painted ‘bedsheets’ were hung in Playa del Carmen after the shooting last week claiming responsibility for the shooting by the Zetas cartel. The note also went to to apparently blame BPM co-founder Philip Pulitano for the shooting but to not playing along with the cartel’s demands. As noted earlier one theory was that the shooting was for BPM not paying the Zetas their dues. A 2nd theory is that the shooting was due to a dispute over who had the rights to sell at the club. Reportedly surveillance video taken at the club seems to indicate that one individual inside was specifically targeted in the shooting. Local business owners have stated off the record that the cartels collect ‘dues’ from most businesses there and they take it as a cost of doing business. Typically when dues are paid, business owners and event promoters are left alone. Fox News quoted a longtime resident (who remain anonymous for safety reasons) “What is behind all this is a turf war. This group [Zetas] tried to charge a fee to the organizers of the BPM Festival and they refused saying that they had already paid quotas to other organizations.” According to the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, the BPM founders have been in hiding since the shooting and other that a statement this past Monday morning no official statements have been forthcoming.

[Translation of the banner: “This is a sign that we are already here because you didn’t align PHILLIP -BPM, it is the beginning we are going to cut the heads of Golfos, PELONES and chapulines, Atte [Sincerely] el FAYO Z from the old SCHOOL]

We at EDM Life ourselves attended the BPM Festival and did note the very open sale of drugs in every venue we attended for the festival. It has been a well-discussed rumor that the drug cartels have effectively forced the clubs to allow their drug dealers to enter and sell drugs at the events – our in person observations seem to lend credence to that. However outside of that issue, we did not feel unsafe in Playa del Carmen nor have in other years. Of course there are always the stories of being overcharged such as when we were charged 400 Pesos for a taxi ride back from the ‘Jungle’ venue Friday morning compared to the stated 200 Pesos rate. However unfortunately stories such as that are commonplace across Mexico and have been so for years – effectively its expected and comes with the territory.

The day after the shooting the mayor of PDC, Cristina Torres Gómez stated that the general idea is for the BPM Festival not to return in the future. She also noted apparent lack of permits for events and the effect on the environment. In our opinion this sounds as though the mayor is just deflecting blame from the culprit to BPM, possibly to keep the government in the cartel’s good graces.

Maria Helena Mata Pineda, president of the Business Coordinating Council in the Riviera Maya told El Universal after an emergency meeting in Playa del Carmen last Monday,“We’re asking for these kinds of events to go away. Don’t let in anymore. We don’t want BPM here anymore, or any other similar event. We don’t want it and we thank the authorities who are listening.” It appears as though the initial statements by local officials may just be knee jerk reactions as the ‘Arena’ festival in PDC set to take place in a few weeks has announced this past weekend that they will continue the festival as planned contradicting earlier statements it was to be cancelled.

Mexico security expert (and former police officer) Walter McKay also stated the shooting appears to be the work of the Zetas. McKay has worked as a security consultant in Mexico for several years and says business in Playa del Carmen has long come with a price and that anyone operating there has to play by the unofficial rules. “It’s a necessary evil. If they do not want to have somebody or a couple of people to come into event and shoot it up, they have to pay. It’s extortion, is what it is. This is traditional Zeta territory and has been for a long time. So clearly what had happened was that they were supposed to be paying a fee — a bribe — in order to operate.” Even Jet Set” Tulum is not immune from cartel pressure as a local hotel owner has noted they also must pay the same extortion fee or allow the cartel dealers to sell their goods on site. The NY Times last August wrote several articles discussing the surprising issues in Tulum: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/19/insider/a-foreign-correspondents-day-at-the-beach.html?_r=4

According to Reuters, the organizer of a different electronic music event near Playa Del Carmen recently stated that armed men who claimed to be part of a drug cartel turned up recently at one of his parties, demanding access to sell drugs. The event’s security team decided to let them enter so as to avoid conflict, the organizer said.

What will the future bring for BPM in Mexico? It is unclear at this point. It may turn out that the shooting was due to something completely unrelated to what had been written in this article and affect its future in a different manner. During this year’s event, the festival’s creators announced an international expansion to Brazil and Portugal later in 2017. While the mayor of Playa del Carmen’s statement that it is their general position that BPM will not return, will the people behind BPM even want to return in 2018 after the tragic shooting? Attendees would understandably be worried about their safety and may opt out of going. How does one prove there will not be a repeat of the recent events? It is not as though BPM can provide guarantees on this. As we have attended the festival for several years now and it is one of our favorites, we truly hope it will return. It does appear as though there are several hurdles to overcome for it to return in 2018 and continue on the great tradition it has established as one of the world’s premier music festivals.

Updated note from the BPM Festival as of January 24, 2017:

Lastly, Billboard reached out to several djs that regularly play BPM and industry professionals for their take on the possible end of its run in Playa del Carmen:

Nicole Moudaber

“I’m deeply saddened and horrified by the tragic event that took place at blue parrot on the very last night of the festival. My night ran til 8am that Sunday morning at Blue Parrot – I can still feel the energy of that place. My heart goes out to the families and friends who lost their loved ones in the name of freedom, love, dance and compassion. But what is really disturbing here is the local council blaming the promoters of BPM for what happened. This is not fair, they are the ones who put Playa Del Carmen on the map, promoting tourism, boosting their economy. To blame them is like slapping the hand that fed you. They brought joy, culture, art and people from all over the world to celebrate life under one sound. It’s a shame and very sad.”

Stacey Pullen

“The BPM Festival and the organizers are like family to me, one of the reasons why is because i was the first dj from Detroit to play at the Festival. I’ve been attending since the second year and seen it grow dramatically over the 10 year period in beautiful Playa Del Carmen with very minimal negative issues. Most importantly i have a personal relationship with all of them and that was the unique thing about this festival because most festivals are that you play the gig and you leave but that wasn’t the case here”.

Erick Morillo

“It’s a shame that the actions of a few have put a negative ending to what has become, in the last 10 years, one of the most important festivals of the year due to the fact that it promotes underground music in a very beautiful setting. Like the Winter Music conference and Ibiza, BPM is the stage in which it is imperative to have a presence and a place where artists have the ability to break records. I hope it long lives as it is a crucial part of our industry.”

Dubfire

“By the time of the inaugural BPM event, I’d known Craig Pettigrew since the 90’s, having worked with him on various tours as Deep Dish around Canada. We became fast friends so when I got the pitch for BPM I was on board immediately. That first year it really felt like an intimate Canadian event; one in which we all were a part of to escape the brutally cold January winter. Throughout the years I proudly watched it blossom into one of the most revered and essential music events in the world; one in which I simply HAD to take part in every year. The memories I have are countless and very, very special. From epic nights to Blue Parrot and Kool Beach, special after parties that stretched into the afternoon, to the TechnoTacos pop ups I did with Richie Hawtin and more recently the opportunity to have brought the HYBRID show on a specially built stage at The Jungle.”

Lee Burridge

“We were all shocked and saddened to hear the news coming out of Mexico this week. Our musical community has never been a place where violence rears it’s ugly head very often. Especially in such an extreme way. BPM festival has always been a place for us to celebrate life. To spend time with friends, make new friends, dance and escaping the cold of winter.

The festival themselves were celebrating their tenth year this year. Ten years of delivering a safe, well run, high quality destination dance music event. In those ten years they’ve supported a wonderful and diverse mix of DJs, live acts and well known event brands for us to experience. We went to clubs, beaches and even danced in the jungle. I know the organizers very well. They are kind souls. They work extremely hard each and every year to bring us a consistent and fun festival to attend. The actions of a lone individual shouldn’t be allowed to represent the example set year after year both by those who organize and those that attend a festival full of happiness and positivity.”

Art Department

“I think it’s obviously a shame that this type of behaviour and mentality has ended a great run for an amazing music festival of course. But the more severe issue here is the presence of the cartels and their disregard for human life in certain areas of the world, particularly in Mexico. The fact that this happened at BPM is an issue of time and place and obviously has nothing to do with the music or “our community” as people like to put it. This isn’t an issue brought on by the arrival of a festival or techno and it’s completely foolish to use language that tie a massive tragedy like this to this culture, especially following a political issue like we just faced in the UK with the closure of Fabric Nightclub due to misplaced blame and responsibility. It’s so important to make that distinction right now while the world is watching.

Regardless of the efforts made by Playa officials to cast blame on the festival – the one factor that can be most easily and swiftly removed – in hopes of quickly restoring a feeling of security there, they’re fully aware that the fault here does not lay with festival organizers. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that regardless of the “ban” the organizers would not consider risking another life to hold the festival there again. BPM is still BPM and can easily relocate, and we will all be there to support and perform when it does.

It’s been a great ten years in PDC and I’m thankful to have been involved there from day one. I’m just very sorry that it has ended with a political finger pointed at the organization when the issue is still very much alive and well there with BPM over. Thoughts are with Kirk Wilson’s family and all of the other people who suffered a loss this week.”

Joris Voorn

“It’s unbelievable that during on the last day of it’s 10th anniversary, BPM comes to such a tragic end. Even though I’ve been at BPM only a few times, it felt like being at home amongst my peers and music lovers from around the globe. I am certain this won’t be the end, the people behind BPM will find a way to unite us again, at a different time and place. Our thoughts remain with the victims.”

Nic Fanciulli

“I’ve had some amazing times at BPM over the years, and the owners are good friends of mine. I think the first time i played was around 2010, so 7 years ago! I’ve seen it grow from a small gathering of friends to a global powerhouse in the short space of 10 years. Traditionally it was our version of Miami Music Week, where we could go and see all of our friends and listen to good music. My top three moments are probably; our Saved showcase in 2013 at Kool Beach (the first time we brought Carl Cox to BPM), La Familia at Blue Parrot in 2015 with Joris Voorn, and this year my We Are The Night party at Blue Parrot playing with Carl. Hopefully they can come to an agreement with the government there and keep this festival alive; it’s always a shame to see the spirit of music affected like this”

Gorgon City

“We’re extremely heartbroken at the events that took place on Jan. 15. We had just hosted our own party at Blue Parrot the week before, and have spent many nights in the club over the last few years, we always felt so safe there. We’re truly shocked by what happened. Our thoughts go out to the BPM security team and all those affected.”

Ben Turner (co-founder, International Music Summit)

“BPM has emerged as one of the leading celebrations of global electronic music culture in the annual calendar and, in its tenth year, had attracted interest from global media platforms and holidaymakers from all corners of the planet. It is probably the biggest winter celebration to mirror the summer season in Ibiza, and had recently replaced Winter Music Conference in Miami for the industry’s get-together in the darker months. BPM’s founders and curatorial team are music lovers who have contributed to global dance culture with a unique ten-day format albeit clearly with local challenges in a tough part of the world.”

Jazz Spinder (agent, CAA)

“I am one of the lucky ones who have had the privilege of watching BPM grow into one of the most important events in the yearly festival calendar. This is a festival that is truly about the music. A place where artists go to see other artists play and end up combining sets or extending their own sets in a unique atmosphere. Not a place to get in and out of, but a place to stay for days at a time to catch up, let your guard down and and take in the magic from the beaches to the jungles.”

Ed Hill (operations director, Be-At.TV)

“Our thoughts are with everyone affected by this senseless tragedy, particularly the families and loved ones of the deceased and injured. It’s incredibly sad that this should happen after an incredible 10 years of the BPM Festival. We have loved working with the BPM family over the last five years and are deeply saddened that a joyful and life-enhancing festival should be tarnished by violence. Absolutely nobody wins here.”

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