#i’d rather die than be considered feminine?

[chocochipbiscuit]

8, 23, 50?

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

Isn’t any song a great fic song when you’re vibing? Or rather: when I’m in fully ship mode, doesn’t every song remind me of my blorbos?

That said, there’s one specific song that always makes me think of a fic I’ll never write: This is Gonna Hurt by Sixx AM. It gives me Shadowrun feels, specifically Dragonfall: a brave and doomed final stand for a runner trying to save the Kreuzbasar during the game’s epilogue.

…basically, this is the ending I’m never gonna write for IR-8. When I first started thinking about the disaster decker, I knew exactly the kind of altruistic idiot they were gonna be. And when I first finished the game, I also realized oh no. Just like Dietrich, they’re gonna die in a fight they can’t win.

So! I’m never gonna write it. (Or maybe I will. Just twist the knife on Laine once again outliving a young fighter he cares for.)

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

There’s a lot of self-indulgent smut I’d like to write, but haven’t yet. Does that count? :P

Very broadly: there’s a lot of original work ideas I’d like to explore. More things exploring monstrous femininity and the edge between the terrifying and erotic. More redemption or growth arcs for female villains.

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!

If my response to 23 sounded introspective, vague, and navel-gazy, then OH BOY will you be excited where I take this question!!!

I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship to fandom and writing as a creative outlet. I’ve been thinking about it both as a queer Chinese-American writer and as someone who’s been targeted for months-long harassment in one of my older fandoms.

Basically: I’ve not been reading as much fanfic for a while, and been interrogating why that is. Instead I’ve been reading more original work, both fiction and nonfiction. I’ve been thinking about what nourishes me.

In a nutshell: as much as I love fandom when it’s willing to engage with women, with queerness, with characters of color, fandom trends tend to be overwhelmingly white, Eurocentric, and focused on men. (Please note I am talking about fandom as a whole, I am not trying to ascribe guilt or reasoning for why these things exist.) Even the parts of creative fandom that try to focus on the characters I love (usually women kissing) tend to only focus on white women kissing, or otherwise don’t engage with the experience of being not just a queer woman, but a queer woman of color.

It’s become easier for me to find what I need through original work. (No, not all experiences are universal; reading a romance novel featuring a straight Chinese-Canadian woman is not the same as reading a horror story featuring a lesbian Malaysian-American which isn’t the same as reading a memoir by a Korean-American male chef. But it gives me more than the popular media of fandom.) It’s made me re-examine what I want out of fandom.

That said: I’m still writing, but my focus has shifted. I’m considering what fandoms I want to write for, the kinds of stories I want to tell, and the kinds of stories I want to read. I’m also dipping my toe into more original work just because it stretches a different kind of muscle for me.

All of which is to say: I’m curating my fandom experience. I’m trying to be more conscientious and critical about what I engage with. (And yes, I still want to write super mutant smut. :P)

(from Questions for Fic Writers!)

[finalhaunts]

I’m a nonbinary lesbian who doesn’t really consider himself a man but there is this inherent comfort in being seen as a man or as a masculine entity. I’d literally rather fucking die than be seen as a girl or as feminine but like if someone on the street looked at me and thought I was just a fag I’d be like kicking my feet and shit and going teehee that’s me !!!!!! <3333 even tho i’m not really a man at all. Like my gender is very much connected to masculinity but in a genderless freak kind of way. I’m just a thing. And if you see me as a girl i’ll straight up crazy murder you. None gender left masc

[villains4hire]

Vaggie. (Hazbin Hotel)

1 - I will be using the wiki's canon sexuality for her and making her gender relatively vague. Why? Hrm, because I think some people in how they regard things is understandable, but how they express themselves and think it is absolute law is a pretty dumbass take whether criticizing it or not, esp when most people don't erase her liking women. I am fine with any forms of sexuality or even gender change so long as it reflects canon to some degree. Such as how I roleplay a majority of my women as trans fem, but they're still women. I will be keeping this character primarily into women, but certain feminine men she also could like or certain types of men, but is really picky when it comes to them. This character has never been confirmed to be a lesbian and the wiki reflects that, but overall is presumed to be one by the fandom, which is flawed thinking honestly.

2 - If you are weirdly aggressive toward Vaggie over Charlie's relationship with her? Mostly as I can kinda tell those types? I am not your vent toward what you see as a threat to the 'Alistar and Charlie' ship. You will be blocked if you're annoying about this or just randomly unfunny. As I am fine with people just being a dick to her or if I know you? You could even slap her ass or something, expect to get backhanded though, honestly, but it is very obvious when people are self-inserting their disdain for Vaggie.

3 - That being said? I do not force the Chaggie canon ship and I more or less either have them as ride or die best friends, or simply lovers. Any Charlie's interested in my Vaggie need to ask before I ship, as I'm pretty relaxed but it's never to assume I ship out the gate even if it comes to canon.

4 - My Vaggie is detached from canon in terms of origin, what she is, her power-set, but I will be keeping the 'hispanic' part of her even if she is a 'Fallen Angel' now. I will mostly use her canon personality as it develops as she's largely not too characterized, though go my own way still? As I don't see why Angels can't reflect the good aspects of humanity, what we are, compared to how Hell often reflects the bad, but also what we are too since Millie seems to be southern along with her family? Regardless, I won't delve into any culture and simply use phrases on occasion rather than try to use a language I know nothing about. In terms of power-scaling? I'd say she's just under an Overlord but probably could kamikaze one and die in the process, or even a Goetia considering Striker was implied to be able to kill Stolas. Granted, not all Goetia of course, but eh, I'll play it by ear as this mostly is just to give reference to what she's capable of as Vaggie wouldn't do this unless pushed to the brink vs someone specifically.

5 - My Vaggie's true name is canonically Vagatha which is possibly taken from Agatha (Doesn't go by Agatha) which means 'Good Woman' in Greek, but is also fine going by 'Evangeline' which I thought was the fitting name for her before her fall since it means 'Good Angel' in old english. Granted, you need to be closer to use Evangeline, Eva or any variant of that compared to the former.

6 - ->My Disclaimer on the Fandom<-

Body reference above.

Vaggie's Fallen Angelic Form FC, though by default she's in her canon looks as we know her. (Corrupted Angelic Form, her berserk fallen angelic form is way too weird/complicated to get commissioned easily) This is merely an edit to flatten the chest but leave some slight moth fluff beneath the shirt, then four arms, etc, wings.

Family: @kugel-bitch​ (Lute and Vaggie’s younger sister) Names: Vagatha Harmayne (Vaggie) - Evangeline Harmayne (Eva) Do I want them to die: Death is pretty prevalent, so while not permanent? Yes. They're different from the average 'Hybrid Being' though. Will I have/get icons: I have a lot. Tag: dissenting fall (default verse) - aimless fallen (Multiverse/Outside of the Hazbin Hotel Verse) As I am willing to use this character in fantasy, or other crossover settings outside of Hell other than Sci-Fi, but I’d be fine with her going into space/Rick and Morty, Final Space, or otherwise etc as I don’t really care about the canon unless interacting with someone from that fandom. Age: A few centuries. Sex: AMAB by human standards. Gender: Trans Fem by human standards. Fine with he/she pronouns. Race: Angel: Subrace - Justicar Caste (Former) - Fallen Angel: Subrace - Demonic Moth Hybridized with her Former Species (Current) Sexuality: Queer, Sapphic Leaning (Canon) Personality Traits: Slow to warm up to people. Pragmatic. Cautious, though not afraid to die entirely. Realist. Supportive. Loyal. Loving (Depending). Sassy. Kind of bitchy. Complains a lot. Fairly prudish, but could be into someone depending. Has a very dry quip or reply type of humor. A bit of dark humor, though not overly fucked up and usually fitting when the situation rarely calls for it. Gets human things to the point of understanding lingo, phrasing, but not exactly how they think at all times. Has a distrust toward masculine figures, though isn't completely overbearing about it. Passing comments, a slight dislike. Distrusting of others in general. Kind-hearted deep down and does provide mercy, though not stupid about it. Fairly high intelligence. Capable of changing her opinions. Judgmental somewhat but mostly to those she could consider a sleezeball. Curses a bit. Brutal. Rage-filled, somewhat easy to rile up depending on who it is. Argues, but not entirely quick to violence unless provoked rather heavily. It'd have to be something past petty insults. Will take you down with her like a rabid honey badger if it comes to it, though rarely is the first to attack first even if she points her weapon at someone. Tactical. Leadership in Combat at least, though socially while capable, not a well-adjusted one. Mental Traits: Angelic, Demonic mind with the Justicar Caste, specifically that of the Exterminator Angel subset of the Justicars. Is able to retain a calm sense of thought even if lost in her rage. Physical Traits: 5'5, mostly confined to canon proportions with a slight neck adjustment so it’s a bit thicker, then maybe slightly thicker body wise? But she’s relatively small-framed as a person, I just make it more realistic though keep a sense of it’s not human by any means. Somewhat flat but not exactly? Nearly though. Her wings were moth wings prior and used them to dart and move at extreme speeds. Her physique is deceptively strong despite her thinner frame, but not greater than a Hellhound’s. Powers: Her powers more or less resemble or are a hybridized combination of her prior species. • Rage-Fueled: While part of her previous caste? Vaggie's powers are fueled by her anger or hatred. In general, this is how her powers worked prior, though now with a demonic flare instead of righteous retribution. Some of her innate powers guide this such as pain, hate, or a strong need to carry something out. • Exterminator Physique: She does not tire in combat, she has extreme durability to getting shot, hit and functionality even if her body is brutalized or torn to pieces until she's completely destroyed. Her strength is supernatural, though not impressive by supernatural standards as at most she could rip off a car door, a standard sized steel door or something. • Rage Regeneration: While not extreme amounts such as instant regeneration of limbs, it is visible while fighting. • Exterminator Rage: Vaggie can 'die', but enters a rage state when killed to which lasts a few hours, pushes her body beyond its limits until she breaks or is physically destroyed. She is completely aware while in this state, but more or less has to fight until she dies and can't control herself other than what she's attacking. Healing her out of death is capable of ending this rage to which she'll then collapse and spasm for a few minutes before fine. Mostly because her body thinks she's dead before resetting as it does confuse her innate genetics as her specific Angelic Type. • Instinctive Jolting Reflexes and Speed: Capable of dodging bullets, blows, or parrying. Think of like the Flash from DC. She can do this with or without her wings out. Combined with her weaponry? She more or less uses a style to attack vital points to her target to quickly move onto the next. This is intentionally based off of canon Exterminators. • Summonable Holy Weaponry: has throwing knives and a spear to which she can resummon on the fly. It's partially why she only fights when she has to usually. Vaggie summons these weapons by pulling from the X in her other eye, though there’s no visual gore or anything like that, it’s just a flash of reddish light • Revival: Like most other Demonic or Angelic Entities? Vaggie revives, however, due to her nature? She often revives at a neutral location when and if she dies. That being Earth as it's a neutral anchor, I have it this way as Vaggie's 'Fall' wasn't really her intention and instead was saved through a series of events. Albeit she didn't exactly ask or intend to, but stayed with Charlie at the conclusion of them and their journey together of how they met. Due to her Exterminator genetics though? Other than core memories such as Charlie, people she knows, she does lose a chunk of her own memories when she dies. • Plane-Shifting: Vaggie can no longer enter Heaven with her fall, but is capable of going to Earth on her own. • Fallen Form: This has no real effect on her powers, but her true form is that of an Angelic Moth Horror that's more discernibly demonic and in line with being say. A moth humanoid version of a hellhound but rather bizarre in the shapes, broken rings and so on scattered or separated throughout the body. Otherwise, when not in this form, she simply looks like that of a humanoid moth with broken rings over her limbs. This is probably something she'd use if lost at the moment or death raging. • Holy Resistance: Vaggie has some forms of Holy Resistance, granted, holy weaponry STILL does kill her, but it has to be the finishing blow that destroys her rather than send her into a death rage. Otherwise, it does not really do much to her other than pierce her more easily. I kind of reason this is simply how that type of weaponry works, however, albeit, it does not kill pure angels. • Knowledgeable about Demons and keeps the players on the radar in her sights: She has a deep knowledge of Alister and his place, probably among the others. I will not have her god-mod, but mostly just if your character is infamous of famous within Hell, Heaven, or even Earth if doing a fantasy setting? Then yeah, she probably knows of them if she’s been in the area for a month or two. And is also capable of tactics, forming strategies on the best way to kill something if given enough time or on the fly depending. • Hunter Sense: Vaggie is not exactly entirely blind in her other eye that has an X over it, but mostly it picks up aura trails and meshes with sight in general, to which everyone’s is unique. Mostly to track quickly and to kill. Higher Demons such as Stolas, Ozzie, Lucifer, Lilith, etc probably are aware of this basic Exterminator ability and can hide their auras for those more magic inclined . She can use this to fight invisible creatures as well unless hiding their auras, along with remembering weak-points through the aura once discovered. Motivations: To be free. To be loved. To support a cause for the common good. To enjoy things. To see her family again. Backstory: I had considered writing a backstory drabble like I have for other characters of great interest? And still might as it’d be called ‘Fall’ if people show interest in it enough, an example of my introduction drabbles can be found on Betilla, Ash, Fox, Clarence etc.

But to give a summary: more or less being kind-hearted innately, strong-willed even despite her high ranking from tactics, performance, then eventually the sights she sees. The people she kills and the genuine emotion, fear and the families being part of a squad who purged the Sinners who were just people trying to survive really did start to wake her up with the doubts she had, from families, more etc, the stuff you can’t just ignore. More or less Vaggie was born to be a weapon, a sword of retribution and justice to which she embraced at first, though overtime with all that in mind and an encounter with Charlie? Started talking after they had throughout the fight mostly prompted by Charlie, talking, relating and Vaggie’s doubts more or less confirmed. Was given a charm at the end of it, the two communicating overtime, Vaggie starting to primarily target the more ‘worse’ dredges of the Pride Ring and them specifically. Showing mercy at times when able, though eventually led to unwanted attention by certain other ‘leading’ beings that went to Hell as well. This eventually led to a framing, drama, events I don’t exactly want to spoil? But it ends with her avoiding a fate of memory erase, torture and repeated deaths to make her into a true Exterminator as she was intended to be with the help of the charm, Charlie yoinking her to Hell and her waking up in a bed and going from there.

Multiverse wise, I’m kind of just going to give the same reasoning that Vaggie defected due to how things were run in a vague realm sense of things.

[moriartyluver]

Bro the worst part is that Albert probably started thinking all that ‘they deserve to die’ shit years ago so his brother was like 8-10, maybe even younger while Albert’s thinking about going all Itachi Uchiha💀

Countess Moriarty definitely had some shit going on cuz jfc girlie always seemed so on edge and jumpy

Also considering the era, I would not be surprised if she was on something but called it ‘medication’, and honestly if it wasn’t for the abuse and mistreatment she gave Liam and Louis, I’d feel more bad for her

Oddly enough though, out of Albert’s whole family the one I hated the most was his father even tho he barely did shit💀

YOURE SO RIGHT THO, FL IS SUCH A GIRLS GIRL

She probably felt so bad when she found out about Frida too😭

Cringy y/ns are horrifying, especially the ‘tiny’ misogynistic ones

Like listen, I understand being shorter or smaller than a guy, and it’s completely fine if you like feeling protected or wtv it is, but what the fuck do you mean you could feel his short ass 6inch cock reach the inside of your head???

Or when they complain about OTHER girls wearing dresses and being feminine, like omfg

🎀.

Albert’s been insane for god knows how long. Also I wouldn’t be surprised if countess Moriarty was diagnosed with hysteria or got a lobotomy or something like that. Not that her abusing liam was valid but I wouldn’t be surprised if she had theorised he might have been an illegitimate child or something and that’s why they had to adopt him and Louis.

Bro I swear in the manga version of their origin story, u never really see Albert’s dad like more than once when he was judging og William for all his friends. He saw his two adopted children were being abused and didn’t care and only really did it for the sake of charity or “Nobellesse oblige”

If fl was there I think frida would have had a bit more of a chance bc she would feel safer talking to a woman about her whole situation rather than a man who looked like a uni student.

Tiny y/ns have forever pissed me off. I’m like 5”2 and quite slim but you would never EVER catch me going “I’m so short 🥺” I’d rather die

You will also never catch me writing anything specific about height (unless there’s another character that’s obviously going to be taller because of physical abnormalities or whatever) anytime is use “she looked up at him”/ “he looked down at her” is if they’re sitting down or some shit because not everyone is short omg

Almost equally bad if they make yn tall and honestly can be just as annoying. Just use neutral language to describe a y/n and it’s not that hard.

Those fanfics where he has a 12 inch ‘member’ 💀 and y/n is short as hell so she gets fucking impaled 💀 💀

I swear the first time I ever read a fic with a cringey y/n, I wanted to jump into my phone and smack the shit out of her. Draco doesn’t love your ocean blue orbs and messy bun of blond hair & your 4”11 size

Even tho I was a bit of a messy kid, I was still hella feminine and loved dresses (despite the fact my mum would cut my hair to make me look like a boy 💀) I will never understand pick me girls who hate pink or feminine stuff. Please get a life 🙏

[saevus-brutalis]

oc interview questions —

██-██ 2077 lead interviewer: [REDACTED] >> main video file corrupted [̲̅███_̲̅_̲̅] 30% partial reconstruction complete. wasn't tagged by anyone but it looked fun so 😌

Name?

V. [The interviewer leans forward, gesticulating for him to continue.] Just V.

Are you single? 

[He rises an eyebrow, clearly not amused. It seems like he was expecting that question.] Yes, but don’t get your hopes up. I’m not interested.

Are you happy? 

Point me to someone that is. But no, can't say that I am.

Are you angry?

[Shrugs] It's a well-known feeling to me. Used to experience it more commonly in the past. There are a lot of things to be angry about. The state of this shithole, ever-rising rent prices, crappy food, even crappier people…

Interviewer: And are you angry right now?

Trust me, you don't want to find out.

Are your parents still married?

[Silence, dark eyes dart to the side, jaw appears to be clenched.] No. Hard to be married if you’re dead. [He shrugs, acting nonchalant.] She never took his last time, didn’t want to be tied down like a dog on a leash. Good for her, honestly. Think she wanted to file for a divorce, too. She was just too late.

Interviewer: Let's start with some basics.

Birthplace?  

Here.

Interviewer: Here?

[Sighs] Night City, born and bred. Grew up here, probably will die here. Corpo Plaza was my playground, not an idea place to rise a kid, but where, here, is really? Haywood was my true training ground. I’ve lived all over - different neighborhoods, states, countries, different military camps. Yet I always find myself back here, back in NC.

Hair color?

Black. All natural. Started graying like 8 years ago maybe, used to try and dye them to hide it, but I gave up after a year or two. Couldn’t be fucking bothered, really. Besides, I’ve heard people were into silver foxes these days.

Eye color?

Used to be green. Had my mother’s eyes. Beautiful shade, people always complimented her. Me too if I’m being honest, always ignored them though. Sometimes I regret ever getting optics. But I had to, it was in the job description. Now I can’t imagine having ‘ganic ones. And I don’t think I could bare her looking back at me every time I stare in the mirror to shave.

Birth day?

November 12th, you can tell I’m a scorpio.

Interviewer: And what year were you born?

2019. Just before the Fourth Corp Wars. Weird times, but I can’t really remember shit aside from the red sky. Put my childhood way behind me. Stopped celebrating my birthday a long time ago too. No one to celebrate with either, aside a handful of friends, but it’s only just beer at my place anyway.

Mood?

Indifferent. Tired, mostly. Nothing a good hookup can’t fix.

Gender?

Born male, identify as a man. It’s not something I really questioned ever. Always have been comfortable with my body and masculinity. Never lost touch with my feminine side though, [He gestures at his painted nails, silver jewelry, piercings, and smudged eye makeup] guess I got it from my ma.

Summer or winter?

Winter, full stop. Ever seen snow? Best shit ever. Too bad it never snows here. Sometimes I wish I stayed on that mountain and never came back. I’d rather freeze there than sweat my balls off in the summer in Cali. Funny, considering I still live here and don’t plan on moving any time soon.

Morning or afternoon?

Early mornings beat everything. Before the sun even rises. It’s calm, quiet, everyone’s still asleep. It’s when I feel the most rested, even when I haven’t slept the whole night. Yoga sesh on the balcony during the sunrise gotta be the best way to start your day.

Interviewer: Not, let's get a little bit more personal. Some listeners are dying to know these questions.

Are you in love?

Yeah. After forty years still am. It’s mostly repressed by now. ‘m trying not to think about that.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yeah. Fell victim to it four decades ago. It sucks, hurts when shit doesn’t go your way and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, but fuck if it isn’t the best fucking feeling ever in the beginning stage.

Who ended your last relationship? 

We both did. ‘‘twas a mutual decision. We split on good terms. Still got his number on speed dial. We don’t talk much these days, too busy, proud, or butthurt over the whole situation. But we’re still friends, yeah.

Are you afraid of commitments?

Again, who isn’t? Hard to trust people these days, in my line of work especially. Too many secrets, too many money-hungry people willing to take advantage and sell you out for a quick buck. Takes too much time too, committing to someone I mean. If we haven’t known each other for at least a full year I don’t trust you enough to have my number. With some exceptions, of course.

Have you hugged someone within the last week?

Yeah, my friend and ripper. We served two tours together, guy’s been having a rough time lately. Came over with a couple of beers, then couple of beers turned into more beers, and you know what intoxication does to people. Don’t regret it, seemed like both of us needed it.

Have you ever had a secret admirer?

People aren’t too secretive about being a fan - or rather an admirer as you called them - of me online, that’s for sure. Can you believe they’ve made a forum dedicated to me? Yeah, me neither. I don’t know why these kids choose to spend their free time documenting my life, achievements, writing down every piece of clothing I wore and what’s my coffee order, but as long as it’s something as innocent as that I don’t really mind. I don’t have it as bad as some BD stars, I hope at least. Some of the candid pictures they take of me look really good I can give them that. And don’t even get me started about video edits I’ve seen resurface here and there.

Once I had someone send me a package to my private home address, no idea how they found it, glad it was the only instance and it never happened again. If anything I value my privacy and I rather not have an obsessive stalker sending me love letters. Online forums? Be my guest, but don’t go digging too deep, I know my fair share of netrunners.

Have you ever broken your own heart?

Yeah. It was a choice. A stupid one. I could’ve avoided it, but I was young and dumb, a scared nineteen year old. But what’s past is past. Hard to tell if I ever recover but you gotta move forward. I wouldn’t have gotten this far had I been stuck dwelling on the past. There’s not a day I don’t regret doing what I did, the broken heart is very much deserved.

Interviewer: Okay, that was intense. Let's cool off with some light 'this or that' questions.

Love or lust?  

Love, easy. I’m too old to rely on lust, learned that the hard way. In short: been there, done that. All of my hookups were fueled by lust, there was no love there. You can only enjoy lustful relationships so long before it starts wearing you down. It fades quickly, doesn’t fulfill you, makes you feel empty.

Lemonade or iced tea?

Iced tea. It’s the closest thing to iced coffee. And you can always add lemon to your tea. So many types of tea too. Lemonade is too plain and most of the synth stuff tastes like ass anyway.

Cats or dogs?

Cats. Don’t get me wrong I love my dog, love going on a run with him, but I’ve always been a cat person, would choose to reincarnate as one, a black panther perhaps? They seem to like me too, while some dogs snarl and bark. People say I give off tiger vibes, maybe that’s what I was in my past life.

A few best friends or many regular friends? 

A few best friends. You can never be too careful picking who you choose to hang out with, trust enough to lower your guard. Too many fake people, all too eager to stab you in the back when you’re least expecting it. Lived long enough to know, when it comes to people - the less is better.

Wild night out or romantic night in?

Mix of both you can say. My job gives me enough wildness as is. In NC everything happens fast, so a chill night in is a nice change of pace. It’s more private too. But I won’t say no to blowing shit up in the air or wild chases with the cops - that’s what a good night out is, right?

Day or night?

Night. There’s a reason I’ve stayed in NC as long as I did - it’s the city lights. There ain’t nothing more beautiful than Nigh City, well… at night. The air is cooler, you can’t see the grime and smog, only the neon lights. It’s when the freaks come out, it’s when you can get your hands on the best food, best drugs, best guns. Nighttime here has its charm and it definitely charmed me.

Interview: Now for the classics. Have you ever...

Been caught sneaking out?

When I still lived with my dad, sure, a couple of times. It was my stepmom who would always catch me, my dad more rarely, he was out of the house most of the time, always working late shifts. Chalice she… Was always home, monitoring me ever since she moved in. It was hard in the beginning but once I had figured out her schedule it was much easier to sneak out, especially at night.

When I was in boarding school maybe once or twice, but never again after that. It’s where I mastered the art of not getting caught. And as you can see - it worked, I’m still here.

Fallen down/up the stairs?

My room was downstairs, never had any reason to go up to my parents' bedroom, especially after my mom passed. Definitely did when I was a kid, now not really. I trip sometimes over my cat when walking down the stairs but never fall down. The artificially boosted reflexes are a lifesaver.

Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt?

Someone, rather than something. Nowadays if I want something I just get it and if I can’t, I get over it. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be mine. But I did, I did want someone bad, still do. And yes, it still hurts.

Wanted to disappear?

More times than I can recall. It’s a constant thought, something I’m going over with my counsellor every now and again. I did disappear for a few years back in 2046 - went totally off the radar. It wasn’t planned or anything. Pretty sure I was pronounced legally dead by the time I came back in 2051. Sometimes I do wish to leave, have any trace of me wiped, I feel like I’ve done enough damage here.

Interviewer: Now, for those who still have their hopes up, despite you saying you’re not looking for a relationship. Tell me…

Smile or eyes?

Smile. The eyes can be changed, switched and swapped. Too many Kiroshi models available on the market to count.

Shorter or taller? 

Pretty much everyone is shorter than me. I prefer people close to my size. As long as I don’t have to physically bend to be on the head level with someone, its alright. However I do prefer tall people, someone I can look in the eyes.

Intelligence or attraction?

It’s all about vibes, man. I can be into a dumb hot himbo as much as into a mildly attractive genius, babbling about quantum physics like it’s his entire personality. If the conversation’s flowing and you’ve piqued my interest I don’t care for neither, as long as the sex is good.

Hook-up or relationship?

Both, neither. Hookups get the job done. It’s nice while it lasts. Clouds work for me too, it’s just a transaction, no feelings, zero expectations. Relationships on the other hand - I got burned too many times. Been in two serious ones and I don’t think I have the strength for another one. Not for a while at least.

Interviewer: You don't talk much about your family, do you? Mind if I ask you a few questions about them?

Do you and your family get along?

No. I’ve gone no contact since I got my first job and moved out at 21. It’s not like they bothered to reach out either. Dad died in ‘69. Wasn’t welcomed to his funeral but I went anyway, wanted to see the dead bastard one last time. He’s still out there somewhere, copied his psyche onto a shard; some corps have him stashed away behind sealed doors.

Was never close with my dad’s side of the family, definitely wasn’t close with his latest spouse. Never knew my grandparents or my mom’s cousins, all lived in Geneva, not once have they visited the States. My mom’s older brother on the other hand - the black sheep of the family - met him a few times, we don’t keep in contact however. He shut down after her death, scurrying off to the Badlands, cooking skiff is his trailer. He’s alright, one last person I can call family, really. Besides my stepsister. She’s the only person I truly get along with, only family member I care for. Never knew I had a sister until she turned 7. We keep in contact daily.

Would you say you have a “messed up life”?

Yes. Definitely. Climbing to the top of the food chain takes a lot of sacrifices. Still question if it all was worth it.

Have you ever run away from home?

Yeah. Went through my rebel teenage era, running away for a few day and crashing at my friend’s house or my then-boyfriend’s camp. I would do and go anywhere to just be out of the house. I was a total edge-lord back then.

Have you ever gotten kicked out?

Technically yes, by my dad when he sent me away to the boarding school. But no, not really.

Interviewer: What about your friends? Even a dangerous veteran solo like yourself must have someone to drink beers with.

Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

A part of me hates a some part of them. I think it’s only normal. But no, why would I be friends with someone I hate.

Do you consider all of your friends good friends? 

Sure, most of them yeah. We’re all totally different people with different goals and ambitions, but they stuck long enough to be considered good friends.

Who is your best friend? 

Was. Mickey. Miss the bastard every day, I carry his dog tag with me at all times. Rache is next line even if we don’t talk much. I guess the military can really bond two people together.

Who knows everything about you?

No one. I guess I tell Felix a lot of stuff, but there are a lot of gaps I keep to myself. Rogue claims to know everything about me, found my real birth certificate after all, but even she can’t know the whole story. No one, but the people involved, know what happened between 2046 and 2051. And I plan on keeping it that way.

[xomoosexo]

i’m the og anon, yes i meant personality wise ! when im talking about ‘acting feminine’ i mean the stereotype that women are more emotionally open and they’re nicer and stuff. and considering george would rather die than say he loves his friends i’d give that point to dream

they both have limp wrists

okay um message for other anon you guys should kiss

[ser-rctslcyer]

younger me would surely get a heart attack and would throttle me if they knew how much time i invest in ships.

[gunterfan1992]

Interview with Fan Artist loycos!

(Art by loycos)

So a few months ago, I was absent-mindedly scrolling on Tumblr (or was it Twitter?) when I came across something: an Adventure Time fan comic by an artist named loycos. As a person embedded in fan spaces, I find fanart like this all the time, but this time, there was something special about the art I was seeing. It was so... show-accurate!

I don’t mean that necessarily in regard to the art style (although it does feel right at home in the Land of Ooo, while still being its own thing with its own flourishes), but rather in relation to the characterization; the way loycos wrote the characters was spot on. She nailed PB and Marceline’s dynamic as former lovers who deep-down miss one another. She nailed Finn’s naive heroism and his one-sided crush on PB. She nailed Jake’s goofball energy. It was perfect.

In the past, I’ve only interviewed people affiliated with the show’s production, but I thought I’d mix things up a bit and reach out to some fan artists that I think are fantastic. As such, I’m delighted to share with you an interview I had with loycos, who answered my questions about her art, her history with Adventure Time, and where her work is headed!

What is your 'artistic origin' story?

[It’s] kind of a corny answer, but I've been drawing since I remember myself. My earliest drawing memories are drawing Clifford (the big red dog) fanart when I was around 5 y/o. I was always more of a "fangirl" artist, [and] I would draw characters from my favorite franchises to illustrate my headcanons and daydream scenarios I'd put them in. That hadn't changed one bit since. I had since gone on to study animation and illustration in official institutions which forced me to design characters and worlds of my own, but when I draw for myself it's always back to fanart (or studies). I don't have any OCs.

Are there particular artists or styles that you were inspired by and/or like to emulate or allude to?

I'd joke that my artstyle is just a mesh of all the franchises I've drawn fanart for over the years, but honestly, is it even a joke? I think you can easily recognize I had a Disney Phase like every other teenager (I didn't have an anime phase though! I know, I'm an anomaly) and [Steven Universe] definitely left it's fat mark on my style too. Out of [Steven Universe]'s storyboarding crew (which I followed very closely over the years) I especially love Raven Molisee and Jeff Liu for their wacky expressions and proportions, and of course Rebecca Sugar for their fluid and carefree lines. When it comes to art in general, I tend to prefer stylized, colorful and brushy styles over realistic or gothic ones, So people like Hue Teo and Patri Balanovsky pop to my mind (and my artstation feed, seriously look them up).

How do you approach your projects; what is your general art process?

It really depends on the type of project I'm doing, though, my [Adventure Time] comics were all pretty similar in their conception: I write down all of my ideas in my notes so I won't forget them. Then I either roughly sketch out the entire comic as fast as I can, or I write a script (if the concept is specifically very dialog heavy) and then sketch it roughly. Then I do the lineart and color, nothing too complicated. The one thing I think is worth noting in my long comic process is that I draw all of my panels on the same document- that way it's easier for me to make sure the characters stay on model and that my panel layout remains fresh. So basically, the way you read the comics on tumblr, as a long scroll, is the format I work on.

How did you come to find Adventure Time? What made you join the fandom?

Adventure Time is one of those shows you just know about, so I don't remember how I first found out about the show. However, I do remember when I started shipping Bubbline—after the episode “Broke His Crown” aired. I somehow ended up in their Tumblr tag and was blown away by the (by 2016's standards) blatant representation. Despite my obsession with them at the time, I never actually watched any episode that didn't feature the girls' relationship. I only started fully watching the show recently. But I did consume a lot of fan content, which I think helped me shape my own headcanons and such. After my initial interest in 2016 I put Bubbline back on the back burner and kept on my [Steven Universe] ramage, until last year's “Obsidian,” which brought me back fully on board the Bubbline decks around 2 weeks before it aired, so I was in maximum hype mode when I watched the special. It did not disappoint [and it] really reminded me of why I loved these characters and their relationship to begin with. I started drawing my own art for the ship shortly after, when I felt like the hype around the special died down and there wasn't much to keep me sustained anymore. I make what I want to see ;)

As for joining the fandom, I don't know if I can be considered a member, seeing how inactive I am most of the time and my very limited list of [Adventure Time] mutuals. I am extremely flattered that my stuff caught ATimers attention in a positive way.

You've done some amazing Bubblegum and Marceline stuff. What draws you to their dynamic?

I'm gay.

OK, seriously now. I have a soft spot for extremely feminine, dainty characters that are very reserved, so PB immediately marked herself as an obvious fav, and the road to shipping her with Marceline (who is such an obvious candidate and a multilayered, fascinating character herself) was a short one. I know calling PB dainty is far from a true statement, but that's what she appeared like on the surface and that's what caught my attention. Another thing is that I love relationships between immortal beings, I think it always adds another layer of complexity to any relationship, especially a romantic one. The whole "getting older without appearing like you've aged" and "watching everyone you love die around you while you stay the same" can surely make 2 beings bond, right? It always felt like PB and Marcy get each other in a way no one else can, they are very different on the surface but share fundamental internal similarities. Oh, and the fact that they're EXES? The romantic tension and the longing? The familiarity and banter they had in every scene they shared?This hit the jackpot on literally every relationship trope that I love. I'd much rather watch a "getting back together" than a "falling in love for the first time" story.

All of this and the fact that they [are] gay. It's really that simple sometimes.

In broad strokes, what is next for you as an artist and/or as a fan?

I have a few [Adventure Time] comics ideas\scripts on the back burner and one that is in the making. I think I'll dabble into some Nintendo fanart cause I've been playing a lot of Smash Bros and [Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild] lately.

I’m so excited to see what comes next! Either way, a huge thanks to loycos for chattin’ with me! If you’d like to check out more of her art, visit her Tumblr and her Twitter page!

[xlovelyyoongix]

playing the part | myg

summary: On set, Yoongi was your enemy but off set, he was your secret lover. 18+

prompt: y/n is the star of an action movie and Yoongi is her enemy. While they hate each other in the movie, they genuinely like spending time with each other in real life.

genre: action, angst, smut, fluff

warnings: violence, guns, fist fighting, near-death experience, swearing, unprotected sex (please be safe yall) female receiving, stimulation while being penetrated, creampie, aftercare, and feelings that can’t be said out loud.

w/c: 4k

Rating: 18+

a/n: I was initially going to post this at the very beginning of the year, but I ended up getting sick and testing positive for covid-19. (please don’t worry about me. I’m feeling much better now 😊) But a few of my followers have been asking about me since I haven’t posted in a while, so I figured I’d give everyone a quick update. I’m glad to be back and happy to be working on all of my WIPs I have planned for the month. Please everyone, social distance, wear your masks, and stay safe. Happy reading  💕

"I'm done playing games with you." Your furious words bouncing off the walls of the abandoned warehouse as the weight of your pistol points directly at the male standing in front of you. "Hand over the money, or I'll put a hole in your head," Your finger seconds away from the trigger.

Yoongi chuckles, a cocky smirk stretching across his lips. "You won't shoot me-"

BANG

Before Yoongi ever had the chance of completing his sentence, the melody of your warning shot echoes, causing a vibration of whitenoise to jolt the walls of your inner eardrums. Missing on purpose, the bullet still managed to graze Yoongi’s skin, a thin line of blood trickling down his cheek.

Yoongi snickers at your attempt to frighten him while wiping away the blood that stained his flesh. "Why waste a bullet when you could have easily taken my life?" His words oozing arrogance as his body strutted forward, emptying the gap between the two of you. "Is it because you don't have the strength to kill the man you love?" He taunts wickely, onyx eyes peering into yours.  

With Yoongi being this close in proximity, the muscles in your body begin to tense, jaw clenching tightly as your sweaty hands gripped the handle of your gun. "Shut up!" You shout, not allowing him to use your emotions against you.

Yoongi observes your hesitant behavior, licking his bottom lip enticingly. "How about I make it easier, so you don't miss next time, hm." He sarcastically hums, gripping the barrel of your gun to position the weapon against the flat of his forehead. "I've done the hard part; now, all you have to do is shoot, baby girl." He mocks with the pet name he once called you.  

It was at this intense moment, you begin to regret it all. Accepting a job that required your feminine charm to seduce a drug lord that just so happened to owe your client an uber amount of money. You've done it before, sleeping with the enemy only to assassinate them by morning, so why was Yoongi so different? Why was this so hard?

Was it the luxurious dates? His charming smile? Unworldly sex? You don't really remember, only knowing that somewhere along that line, loving him was no longer pretend. "I said, Shut up!" You shake your head in hopes of ridding your brain of all the useless memories that only made your job harder.

"FUCKIN' DO IT!" Yoongi shouts through clenched teeth as his grip around the barrow of your gun tightens.

Flinching with your eyes shut, your finger pulls the trigger, producing another loud bang that causes your wrist to jerk from the power of the gun. Your heart drops at the sound, and you're afraid to open your eyes, knowing the second you do, your vision will be met with your lover in a pool of his own blood.

"Fuck, you were actually gonna kill me that time, huh?"

The sound of Yoongi’s voice causes your lashes to jolt open, shocked that the man was still alive and well, standing before you. It was then you notice your weapon carrying, hand being pinned above your head. The swift bastard must have trapped you in the second before you pulled the trigger. "I have a job to do, and I won't let feelings get in the way of my mission." You announce proudly, but more so to convince yourself than anything else.

Yoongi clicks his tongue at your response. "Is that so?" Taking advantage of your pinned  position, he stares your body down with an almost hungry eye. Your smooth skin glistening with sweat, large eyes that seemed to out shine the moon, delectable lips slightly parted to breathe, and a leather body suit that hugged every heavenly curve; curves he was once oh so familiar with. But, it was also in that moment Yoongi realized, despite the lustful infatuation that pulled him towards you, he'd be damned if he let anyone take his life. "I'll just have to kill you first then."

Before you could react to Yoongi's threat, his stealthy foot sweeps from under you, knocking you off your balance. Your body collides into the ground, gun sliding across the cold concrete. "Shit!" You eye down the weapon, collecting your balance once again to dart towards the object but Yoongi's headstart nearly beats you to it.

He takes the chance to reach down to grab the pistol -possibly to use it to end your life- but your survival instincts emerge,  causing your body to fling forward, tackling Yoongi like a linebacker on a football field. "Son of a..." He sneers at the weight of your body straddling his waist, fist flying forward to attack his face. Blocking your attacks, Yoongi grows frustrated with how long the altercation has lasted. "Okay, baby girl, this ends now." Grunting, Yoongi  uses his upper body strength to flip you, landing on your back as his heavy body pins you in.

For a short moment, Yoongi takes the time to admire your beauty. Messy hair splattered around your glistening face, chest heaving in attempt to collect your breath and cheeks an exhausted pink. "You're so fuckin beautiful..." But as soon as the soft words left his lips, a hand reached behind his back, removing a silver gun from it’s holster. “Which is why it pains me to do this.” Cocking the weapon, Yoongi presses the hold metal to your temple. "But before you go, say one last thing for me."

You struggled with all your might to wiggle yourself from under Yoongi, but his masculine weight bore you to struggle. You also attempted to reach for your gun, only half an inch away, but it was to no avail. "What?" You question back with a sneer, but not because you actually care -or maybe you do- but more so to buy you some time before your death.

Yoongi snickers, leaning in to ghost his devilish smirk over your swollen lips. "Tell me, it wasn't all fake." His jet eyes begin to soften as the pad of his thumb caresses your cheek. "Tell me, you love me."  

Your heart skips a beat but not because of the adrenaline spiking through your veins, but because even after everything, the fights, the betrayal, his heavy gun pressed to your temple, you still loved him. In an ordinary world, you'd be considered a psychopath for falling for a drug lord, but you didn't live in the real world. You were a hitman, and with your busy schedule and the blood of your enemies permanently staining your psyche, there was no room for traditional romance. You convince yourself that was the reason for your undeniable infatuation towards the blonde-haired male, just a girl yearning to finally feel the warmth of love. "Go fuck yourself." It pains you to say it, but in the end, you'd rather die with pride than with the taste of affection on your tongue.

Yoongi winces at your aggressive words towards him. Despite his rugged exterior, he was capable of feelings, and he did love you. He loved you more than any woman he'd ever laid eyes on. Being in this predicament indeed penetrated his heart so deep, he doubted he'd ever recover. "That's a shame." Regaining his stern demeanor, Yoongi clenches his jaw and positions his index above the trigger. "Goodbye, baby girl." A second away from ending your life, the two of you are interrupted by a loud shout.

"CUT!" The director whistles the alarm, and the once dark warehouse illuminates with bright fluorescent lights, bringing the scene to a complete stop. "That's a wrap for tonight, folks," he calls from behind a row of cameramen. "I want everyone back on set first thing in the morning. We'll be finishing up the final scene of the movie tomorrow" The stage and camera crew breaking out in applause at the work that was completed.

With the scene finally over, Yoongi pulls himself from on top of you, kindly extending his arm to assist you up with an eyeing smirk.

"You're fuckin heavy, you know that?" You harshly joke, taking his hand to accept the offer to help you up.

"That's funny," Yoongi's voice dripped with seduction, using his strength to whisk your body into his chest. His soft lips ghosting over the shell of your ear to whisper, "You weren't complaining about my weight last night-."

"Shhh!" Your hand cups over Yoongi's mouth, shushing him before anyone could witness his handsy flirtation. "You know better than to act like this on set." You arch your brow, matter-a-factly.

Yoongi parts his lips to respond but was interrupted by his makeup team stepping on set. "Mr. Min, let's get you cleaned up and ready to go." Politely placing her hand on Yoongi's back, she guides him along before he could get a chance to say good-bye.

A slight giggle escapes past your lips as you watch Yoongi being dragged offset by his team. Your eyes begin to feel heavy for the need of rest, and your throat produces a yawn. Exhausted, you head towards the direction of your makeup team, ready to escape to the confines of your trailer for the night.

   1:30 in the morning is when you're finally able to leave set and head back to your trailer for the night. Stepping out of the shower and into your silk robe, you examine your body in the fogged mirror, muscles sore from stunts -you swore to your director you didn't need a double for- and bags under your eyes being the evidence of long working hours. You couldn't complain though you loved your job, the excitement, the thrill, everything that came with being an actress, and you wouldn't trade it for the world.

A small knock at your trailer door interrupts your thoughts, wondering who it could be at an hour like this. Possibly the director wanting to go over tomorrow's scene? Curious, you peek through the blinds, but not surprised by who you see. A smile slips across your cheeks as you open the door, revealing a handsome blond-haired male standing before you. "I think you're lost." You playfully tease, pointing to the row of luxury trailers in the distance. "Your lodging is that way."  

Yoongi smirks at your sarcastic facade, playing along to entertain your ploy. "No,." He quickly replies, walking up the steps to your trailer until standing directly under you. "I think I'm in the right place." His large hands slip across the silk of your robe, finding their favorite spot on your hips while seductive eyes peak at the curves of your cleavage.

"Is that so?" You question, arching a tempting brow, "So, what is an A-list Actor doing at my trailer so late into the night?" Your fingers trickle to the nape of Yoongi's neck, dancing circles across his ivory skin.

"Well." Yoongi's nose slowly dips across the curve of your neck, getting a tasteful whiff of your natural scent before his pink lips ghost over the shell of your ear. "I came to fuck my co-star."

Yoongi's daring confession causes a vibrating tingle to spike throughout your body, increasing the lustful heat growing between your thighs. Surrendering to the fervor your body craved, your plush lips crash into his, with tongues beginning to dance together in harmony. Lost in the passion, your hand locates Yoongi's collar, pulling him into your trailer, and with a swift kick, he closes the door behind him.

The actor wastes no time shoving you against the counter of your tiny kitchen, large hands fiddling with the lace of your robe. Your silk falls around you, pooling to the floor, unveiling the flawless secrets of your womanly beauty. "Fuck." Yoongi nearly growls at the sight of smooth skin, supple breasts, and voluptuous curves. "I've been waiting for this all day." He could barely finish his sentence before his hungry lips were attacking your neck, teeth nibbling and sucking the flesh while wandering hands located your nipple to tease.  

"Y-Yoongi." You whimper from his touch, body arching off the counter to welcome his ardors actions. "R-remember not to bruise me, okay." If it were up to you, you wouldn't complain about the trademark evidence Yoongi liked to leave throughout your body, but things spread fast in the media. You couldn't risk a 'dating scandal'; in the middle of shooting a major motion picture movie, the press would eat you alive.

"Shit, forgot, sorry." He mutters an apology, loosening his hold on your breast and trailing succulent kisses down your abdomen. "Guess I'll just have to leave hickies where people can't see them." A flash of greedy lust shimmers in Yoongi's eyes the moment he hoists your thigh over his shoulder. His mouth nearly watering at the glorious sight before him. "So fuckin' wet for me already." Teeth sink into his bottom lip enticingly, witnessing your glistening arousal coating over your heated sex. "Makes me wanna taste it." Yoongi's crafty tongue darts out, sliding between wet folds until lapping across a sensitive bundle of nerves that causes your body to weaken.  

"Fuck, Yoon...," You could barely finish your sentence as Yoongi's ambush on your needy clit caused you to fall mute. Your hand gripping onto the actor's shoulder, rolling your hips into his mouth to ride out your delectable pleasure. "M-more,"  

Knowing precisely what you desired, Yoongi slowly inserts two digits deep into your soaking walls. The second he hears your breathy moan,  his fingers curl at just the right angle, locating the spongy surface responsible for your g-spot. "Mhmm," You're a wiggling mess, so Yoongi uses his free hand to hold your hips in place while his mouth sucks up your clitoris once again.    

"Shit~." The delicious stretch of his fingers and stimulation on your nub causes the muscles within your abdomen to tighten. With your body preparing for an orgasm, your fingers move on their own to lock in Yoongi's thick hair, guiding him to where you need most. "B-baby, c-close." Words frantically falling from your trembling lips.  

Taking note of your approaching release, Yoongi stiffens his tongue, lapping figure 8s around your pink nub to send your body into overdrive. His thick fingers thrusting into your walls, producing creamy arousal that dripped onto his knuckles. Yoongi absolutely loved watching you like this, legs wobbling like jello, skin glistening with sweat, pretty lips moaning his name. He took pride in witnessing you being a fucked-out mess. His own personal, fucked-out mess. "Cum, baby."

As if on demand by Yoongi's words, the tightness within your abdomen bursts, body tensing as the magic of euphoria courses through your veins.  "Y-Yoon-, fuck~" Lashes slamming shut as an assortment of circling colors rupture behind your eyelids. Your body rides out it's sinful high only for your body to fall limp moments after.

The evidence of your orgasm drips between your thighs as Yoongi carefully removes his digits from inside you. Standing to his feet, his tongue licks the last of your arousal that lingered on his fingers, always making sure your lovely juice never went to waste. "Fuckin delicious." He smirks devilishly, hungry eyes peering down at your exhausted state.

You can barely catch your breath as your hazed vision attempts to focus on the handsome man before you. His thick brow wickedly arched, jet eyes glowing with ungodly lust as the corner of his lips curls smugly. An expression that only meant Yoongi wanted more. "Ready for my dick now, babygirl?" He's quick to make haste of his shirt, tossing it someplace behind him and stepping out of the thick material of his jeans.    

You gulp anxiously at Yoongi's erotic words, curious eyes trailing down the curves of his abdomen in awe as if you haven't seen his immaculate body 100 times before. "Mhm." You reply with a hum, teeth sinking into your lip while impatiently waiting for the reveal of his sturdy dick.

Yoongi chuckles at your minimalistic response, dropping his boxers to unveil the erect curve of his fat length. Stroking up the base of his impressive dick, leaning into your ear to whisper, "You know I need to hear you say it." His warm breath causes an array of goosebumps to accumulate across your skin, a delightful shiver slithering up your spine. "Tell me what you want."

Having moved between your legs, Yoongi's mushroom tip begins to tease against your folds. "I-I," Your lashes flutter as the heat of desire begins to spiral within you, as if you hadn't already experienced a powerful orgasm a few moments prior. "I want you to..." You mew, Yoongi positioned his tip at the soaking hole of your entrance, knocking you from your train of thought.

He grins smugly at your expression, always taking delight to taunting your body. "Tell me what you want me to do, or I'll stop-"

Knowing better than to keep Yoongi waiting, you nearly shout. "I want you to fuck me, Yoongi!" You sound needy, but that's beyond your worries. Your body wanted him, your aching pussy craving him, and if you had to play the part to get what you wanted, so be it.  

Not giving you a second to breathe, Yoongi's fat tip thrusts into your wet core. "Fuck~" You both curse in unison, you because of the delectable stretch that made your pussy full and Yoongi due to your drenched walls tightening around his girth.

"Mhm, Yoons~." You whimper at the sting of his stretched entrance, but you absolutely love the feeling.  How his dick fits perfectly snug within your walls, the throbbing of protruding veins and his oozing tip teasing at your moist cervix. You often fantasized about staying in this position forever. Having Yoongi live, deep inside you as time passed the both of you by; then again, you're also dying for him to bang your brains out. "Baby, please." You plead for him to start moving inside you.

With your tight pussy finally adjusted to his size, Yoongi's large hand's grip at your hips, beginning an easy pace in and out of your core. "Shit~" His teeth clench, hissing at the heavenly sensation of your narrow walls sucking at his length. "You're so wet and warm. Always taking my dick so well."  

Your lashes begin to flutter at the sensation of Yoongi's fat tip massaging at the area of your g-spot. "All for you~." You purr, scooting as close to the edge of the counter as possible, craving for his inches to reach further inside you. "Please," With brows furrowed together beggingly, eyes screaming for him to go faster.

Observing your desperate expression, Yoongi knew it was time for him to pick up the pace. He grips at your thighs, placing your legs around his waist while positioning his hips at the angle that could explore deeper into your slit. "Ah, shhhhhit." He hissed at the pleasure, hips beginning to snap in and out of your sopping core at an autopilot speed.

Your nails pierce into the flesh of Yoongi's shoulders, holding on as he pounded into you. With your neck lulled back, your head knocks into the shelf with every swift jap he punctures in, but you don't care. Your skin is on fire, and your pretty pussy, utterly addicted to the pleasurable attack. "Feels good," You hum, eyes locking down on the pornographic scene of your creamy slick lubing Yoongi's shaft as his dick pleasantly stretches in and out of your entrance. "Wanna cum all over your pretty dick, Yoon." You plee, lips in the form of a pout.  

Your whimpering need causes a carnal temptation to spike within the actor, producing the adrenaline he needed to please your every desire. "So cum, baby." His veiny hand slipping between your thighs, swiping across your clit while pounding into you.

"Oh, god," You moan—the attack on your sensitive nub precisely what you need to feel the pressure building within your core. "Fuck, baby," Your legs gripping tighter around his waist, encouraging him to keep up the speed that slammed into your cervix.

"So fuckin' wet." A throaty moan escapes Yoongi's lips, your walls sucking tightly around his girth as he fucked into you deeper. He could feel the familiar ball of tension tightening within his core, dick becoming increasingly sensitive upon the approach of his release." y/n," breath staggering in his throat as he grunts your name. "Fuck~, gonna cum soon." Glistening sweat pearling across his creamy skin, with jet eyes glossed with desire.

Your hips rock forward, matching the devilish speeds of Yoongi's thrusts as your eyes lock on him. The ends of his blonde hair paste to his steamy skin, lips, pink and swollen, and dumpling cheeks a rosy fluster. The expression in his glass orbs screamed that he was close. "Me too," you moan with arching feet and toes beginning to curl. "Cum inside,"

"Shiiiiiit," Despret to oblige your request, Yoongi continues his powerful ruts, the erotic sounds of your wet pussy guiding him. He could feel the muscles throughout his body starting to flex along with the anticipating tingle of his ballsack, begging to release its load.  "B-baby I,..." His thrust becomes sloppy, and the tight grip he has on your hips causes his knuckles to whitein.  He would explode any second.  

Even with his body tense, Yoongi doesn't let up the massage on your clit. Only speeding his swift swipes on your throbbing nub, sending spikes of electricity zapping throughout your body. "Y-y-y-Yoon...., g-gonna~," and just like that, an euphoric explosion happens within your core, blasting you into ecstasy. "FUCK!" Your back arches, your head lulls back, and the muscles within your wet walls clench around Yoongi's dick, sucking him in for dear life.

"___, g-gonna..." With one final thrust, Yoongi's pulsing dick shoots warm coats of cum into your core. His throat releases a horse grunt, eyes rolling back, and breath getting caught in his throat ."Hmm," He hums at the peaceful feeling, the pent up stress of a long workday finally vacating his body. "Fuck, you're pussy's so good." He chuckles, eyes fluttering open to witness your sweaty body stretched out across the counter, swollen pussy leaking his creamy cum.

Your exhausted body doesn't stop a smirk from slipping across your flustered cheeks. "You're dick's so good." responding to Yoongi's complement, chest heaving for air.

A gummy grin pulls across Yoongi's lips in observance of you. Your messy hair pooled around your face, skin lushly glossed, and large dewy eyes that expressed your body's satisfaction. You meant the absolute world to Yoongi, and being with you on and off set was the best year of his life. Getting to watch you grow as an actress and putting your best foot forward every day. You were Yoongi's muse, his love. "I'll clean you up." He runs a paper napkin under the warm fouset, placing the dampness across all the places between your thighs he left a mess.

You watch Yoongi in awe with your heart fluttering in your chest. It was clear the growing spark between the two of you was more than just sexual tension. You saw the way he'd sneak cute glances at you on set, how he'd be the first one to make sure you were alright after an intense stunt. You want to confess that you love him, that he meant more to you than just a person to fuck. But, the time wasn't right. The two of you still had a job that needed to be done. "Hey." Your small voice, grabbing Yoongi's attention. Instead of saying, I love you, you say, "Good luck on set tomorrow."

However, Yoongi finds the truth in your soft eyes, making it clear you held the exact same feelings that he harbored to himself for the past year. "Yeah," There wasn't a need for him to say much; he knows that you know the truth of his heart. "Good luck to you too."

date posted: 1/8/2021

[ukeishin]

— where did you go?

note: first attack on titan fic on this account!! im excited, but at the same time nervous??? pls be nice lol.

pairing: eren yeager & gender neutral (bff!) reader

word count: 1437

warning: angst, reader has neglectful parents, brief gore, aot 112 spoilers

⤷ main page

When you think about your childhood, the first thing that comes to mind is the Yeager household.

Your parents were admittedly not the best. They were neglectful to say the least, and often left you to your own devices, not caring for what sort of trouble you may find yourself in. As long as you didn’t do anything that had the Garrison at their front door, they didn’t care what you did. You took advantage of that fact and spent the majority of your days outside of the stifling walls of your home, exploring the district of Shiganshina. It was during one of these days that you had stumbled upon Eren Yeager, or rather he had stumbled upon you.

You had been walking down a quiet side street, minding your business, when a boy had come barrelling through and knocked you to the ground. He landed on top of you with a yelp while you grunted in pain at the rough impact of your back suddenly connecting with the dirt ground.

“Eren!” A high feminine voice calls out before a series of quickening footsteps rang throughout the air until a woman stands above both you and the boy still lying on top of you. He groans, eyes widening when he realizes that there’s someone underneath him, and scrambles as quickly as he can off of you. “This is why you shouldn’t run off like that,” the woman chides the boy, who cries out when she pinches his ear.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” She turns your attention to you, a worried expression across her face as she offers a hand to you. You’re unsure of how to react with the sudden concern for your well-being and give her a jerky nod in response.

“I’m alright, ma’am,” you say, wincing when she helps ease you back up to your feet. Her brows knit together when she sees the flash of pain that crosses your face.

“Oh dear, you skinned your palms,” she mutters. Her hands are gentle against yours as she flips your palms face up to get a better look at them. Your face warms as you attempt to withdraw your hands from her loose grip.

“It’s alright,” you sputter out, a bit uncomfortable that a stranger is treating you so kindly. The boy, who you presume to be Eren, stands beside the woman, peering at your hands that now hang loosely by your side.

“You’re bleeding,” he points out. “My dad says stuff like that can get infected if you don’t treat it properly.”

You choke on your own spit at the thought of your wounds getting infected.

“Eren, you’re going to scare the poor child by saying that,” the woman reprimands. In a much gentler voice, she turns back to you: “Those scrapes look rather painful. I’d like to make sure they get cleaned, especially since my son here knocked you over.” She punctuates the word son with a stern look addressed at Eren, who huffs and looks away while color floods his cheeks.

“Our home isn’t too far away and my husband is a doctor who can take a look at your palms.” You pause, thinking it over. You really don’t want to be a problem for this nice lady, but your palms are beginning to sting a lot. She must notice your hesitation because she gives you a reassuring smile. “I insist, honey.”

“Okay,” you slowly say, causing the woman to beam at you.

“My name’s Carla Yeager and this is my son Eren,” she introduces as she begins to lead you back to their home. You give your name as well, and small talk is made on the walk. Carla inquires about your family, but quickly moves on from the topic when she notices how uncomfortable the subject makes you. Eren interjects at one point and you slip into an easy conversation with the boy.

Once you arrive at their home and Carla explains the situation to her husband, who regards you with a friendly expression, he motions for you to sit down in front of him so he can take a look at your hand. In no time, Grisha gently disinfects the shallow scrapes, prompting you to grimace at the stinging sensation, and then carefully wraps your palms up.

“Thank you so much, Dr. Yeager,” you say once he’s finished. You shift around in your seat, unsure of what to do now that he’s done. Picking up on your restlessness from the kitchen, Carla suggests that you go play with Eren, who doesn’t look displeased with the idea and grabs your wrist before heading out the door.

That was your first introduction to the Yeager family. 

Eren and you quickly became friends, and it wasn’t long until your presence in the Yeager household came to be expected. Although you liked to skirt around the subject, Grisha and Carla were aware of your relationship with your parents and always assured you that you were more than welcome at their home no matter what. You were Eren’s first friend, but soon your duo became a trio when you two had defended Armin from some bullies and then a quartet when the Yeagers took in Mikasa after the murder of her parents.

Your childhood is full of fond memories. Helping Carla and Mikasa with the laundry, despite Carla’s insistence that you didn’t have to. Attentively listening to Grisha patiently explain how to treat minor cuts and bruises given that your group of friends tends to find themselves in trouble of one sort or another. Running around the streets of Shiganshina with your friends and relaxing beside one of the canals underneath the heat of the afternoon sun. Eating meals with the Yeagers, unable to quell the overwhelming happiness that you have people in your life that are like a real family to you.

But good things never last, do they? 

You’re reminded of this fact when Hannes drags you away from the one place you considered home as you can do nothing but watch as Carla Yeager gets eaten by a Titan.

You’ll never forget the sickening sound of her bones breaking as the Titan squeezed her in its hand nor the feeling of her warm blood spraying onto your face as it bit down onto her torso. The image of Carla Yeager being eaten is seared into your memory from that point onward and haunts your dreams nearly every night.

It’s been years since that day. You, Eren, Mikasa, and Armin have stuck together ever since then. You’re older now. Aged and weary despite still being a teenager. You suppose that’s what fighting does to you. That’s what war does.

Eren. The person you’ve known ever since you were a child. A man who’s been your best friend for over a decade, and someone you consider to be family. You can barely recognize him now. The empty look in his eyes and the lack of emotion and care when you speak to him is disconcerting. The light in his eyes has been snuffed out and your heart aches.

You hurt for the ten year old boy who was forced to watch his mother eaten in front of him. The fifteen year old who had a burden much too large placed upon his shoulders. The nineteen year old who firmly believes that this is the only way.

He’s your family, and you so badly want to understand why. Why is he doing this? Why is he going down this path? You can understand his point of view, but it’s not right. You know it’s not right. Innocent people shouldn’t have to die. Not like the residents of Shiganshina did, like your neglectful parents did, like Carla Yeager did.

The man who stands before you is nearly unrecognizable. Where did your best friend go?

Because this man is not him. This is not the same boy who proclaimed he would always protect you no matter what. The boy who had fire in his eyes and determination in his veins to ensure that nobody else would have to experience the horror of the Titans.

Eren Yeager would not sit across a table and be so cruel to tear his closest friends to shreds. He would not attack Armin, saying that he was mindlessly carrying Bertholdt’s will by visiting Annie so often. He would not doubt Mikasa’s care for him, by calling her a slave to her Ackerman blood.

And Eren Yeager would not stare at you with emotionless eyes and calmly tell you that it should’ve been you that was eaten that day instead of his mother.

[the-hopeless-haze]

Oh, My Precious Whore

A/N: didn’t really think I’d ever be posting fic on here again… but I am tired and need a distraction so… have this as a treat

Pairing: Claire Underwood x f!reader, implied Duncan Shepherd x f!reader

CW: derogatory pet names, implied smut (will not occur in full until the next part)

Description: idk this is just pure filth bc there’s a severe lack of f!reader fic and… Robin Wright is hot af. Also had to throw in some Duncan in there bc I love Cody Fern

Maybe you should feel worse right now about what you’re doing, but you don’t.

You, at the very least, should feel scared. The Underwoods, or well, Underwood... she was a powerful woman and if you stepped a millimeter out of place your life was likely in danger. Or so they said. Your in-laws were wary of her, you know, but she was wary of them, too. You think. She’s a difficult woman to read.

The rumors concerning the crimes her late husband supposedly committed are lengthy and convoluted, but you suspect they hold some truth to them. Most rumors usually aren’t based totally in fiction. Her husband was truly a ruthless motherfucker. Claire... Claire doesn’t seem to be ruthless. Nor does she seem to be what you would describe as a motherfucker.

No, she’s a cold hearted bitch. A bitter, sociopathic cunt.

But you never wanted what was good for you.

Sometimes, you swear you love Duncan and you wish it was easier to convince yourself. He a good husband, all things considered. Perhaps a little too focused on work, but... he treats you well to make up for it. He is loyal to a fault, if anyone ever was. You met him through a friend, and though it makes you feel guilty you used him in a vain attempt to get closer to Annette.

But Annette didn’t swing your way, as she told you in not so many words. Or, rather, she said, “Just be a good pet and marry my son. You on his arm will do well for everyone all around. Your dalliances on the side are no one’s business as long as you keep them secret enough that not even Duncan finds out.”

So you agreed, and accepted his proposal you figured she no doubt hounded him into. It’s not so much that you don’t like men, you do, and Duncan is such an attractive man, and he’s a thorough lover... it’s just you suppose you have a preference for women. Older women. You used to joke in high school that you wanted to be a high-end escort for rich older women getting away from their CEO husbands for the weekend.

But your parents would have never approved of that plan. So you went to law school instead. Which was fine. You make decent money without Duncan, but with him you’re somewhat of a young, hot power couple. You’re not really interested in policy the way his family is - you just like ingratiating yourself amongst these people with influence. You get off on brushing shoulders with the powerful. Parties don’t mean much to you. Everyone is truly an evil son of a bitch, no matter what they say when the cameras are on. No one cares about progress, not unless it’s self-serving.

The first time you met Claire, you thought you might die. She barely gave Duncan a second glance but you? She stood and chatted with you about your latest case your firm had taken - how she knew about it among all the other things on her mind, you don’t know - but it was a pleasant conversation, all things considered. You know her and Annette used to be close. You wonder how much Claire does know about you.

You know you can’t trust her. At all.

But after that incident, Duncan grinned and shook his head. “Wouldn’t want to give credence to those rumors. She might have it out for you.”

“Rumors?” You asked, panicking already. Did he know?

“That Claire is a lesbian. It’s been floating around some circles, that that’s why she wasn’t truly upset at her husband’s death, that that’s why she’s pushing so hard for female rights. It’s interesting. It is the first time I met her, but having done so it wouldn’t entirely surprise me.”

You can tell. That woman probably isn’t a lesbian, or if she is, she’s very good at utilizing her charm to make it seem as though she’s not. If anything, you’d peg her as asexual. She uses sex as a weapon. Fair enough. You’ve seen even weaker women feel the need to use it.

You wonder if she’s ever had sex purely for herself and not for manipulation purposes.

You wonder if she could even do that. You reckon you don’t really care if you found out the hard way.

It’s a few weeks later that you receive a message stating the President required your audience. And you know you should tell Annette, or Duncan at the very least, but you don’t. You know you shouldn’t show up at all. But Annette said to keep your dalliances secret. So secret they will stay.

“How loyal are you to the Shepherds?” Claire asks when you arrive. Straight to the point. Good.

“As loyal as I have to appear,” you tell her.

Claire smiles a little. “Why did you marry Duncan? He doesn’t seem quite your type.”

“And what do you presume my type is?”

“Perhaps more feminine. Older.”

“Mm. And what is your type, Ms President?”

“Why did you marry him? Did Annette threaten to out you?” she repeats.

“Not in so many words,” you say.

“Hmm. Interesting. He has no idea, I presume?”

“Why did you call me here?” you ask, your anxiety getting the better of you.

“I need information on the Shepherds. And I believe I have something you’d want in return.”

Your head starts spinning, but no, spinning is an understatement. It’s fucking doing somersaults. You cannot believe what she’s proposing.

“You want to prostitute yourself to me for information?”

And Claire does the last thing you ever expected the bitch to do. She walks across the room and slaps you across the face. Hard enough to sting, but not as hard as you bet she could. You feel the cold metal of her wedding ring press against your cheek as she grabs your chin, her cold blue eyes piercing through to your soul. “Don’t you dare fucking accuse the president of the United States of debasement, and don’t ever assume you have the upper hand.”

“Claire—“

“Are we on first name basis, slut?” she asks, her hand slithering down to your throat. Holy shit, you think. This bitch might actually fucking kill me. You think you’d care more if this wasn’t possibly the hottest thing that ever happened to you. “I didn’t think so. Now. What are your loyalties? Who are you closest to?”

“Duncan, obviously. Annette lets her guard down around me because she likes that I think she’s hot, but she still doesn’t like me. Bill and I don’t get along.”

“Interesting. How much does Duncan know?”

“I know more than Duncan.”

“Really, now? Are you just saying that? Because if you don’t prove to be useful...”

“What? You’ll kill me?”

Claire laughs. “No, you’re much more fun to me alive. But tell me… do you know where Duncan came from?”

“I mean, I truly don’t know how Annette’s cunt could birth anything, given how much of a bitch she is, but…”

Claire smiles. “Yes. Much more fun alive. Duncan is not her child.”

“Well, that’s a relief I don’t have any chance of keeping the Shepherd bloodline alive,” you snicker. “Where did he come from, then?”

“I’ll tell you… in time. But you have to tell him, too. In front of Annette and Bill. I want them all to know.”

“They’ll skin me alive if they knew I was here.”

“Do you want to fuck me or not? These are my terms.”

“So that is why I’m here?”

She only smirks at you, the wrinkles around her blue eyes crinkling as she does. “Your attraction to me is far more interesting than... well, men are pigs, right? I’m sure you are well aware. But you, you look at me like you want to fuck me, sure, but you also know your place. You respect me, even if you try to talk back. Men don’t know any better.”

“Have you ever slept with a woman before?”

She only smiles. “Does it matter?”

“Just wanted to know if there was credence to the rumors.”

“Rumors? You’re quite bold. I’m the one with my hand...wrapped around your throat.”

“It’d be pretty messy for you if you killed me right now,” you retort, wincing and rubbing your legs together as she increases the pressure on your neck.

“You’ll learn not to talk back, whore. To think you’re a married woman...”

“Yeah? Did you hold your marriage sacrosanct?”

There’s that smile again. She’s beautiful, ethereal, but there’s something so inhumane about the way her lips move upward to smirk at you. Maybe you should learn to shut your mouth, but you always were a brat. Besides, it’s more fun this way.

“I did.”

“Liar,” you accuse, smirking at her as you do, and she lets go of your throat and before you can miss the feeling too much she slaps your face again, the right cheek this time, much harder than the first time. You let out a startled, strangled moan on impulse, stumbling back a little against the wall.

“Oh, did that hurt?” she coos at you condescendingly, fixing a piece of your hair that fell out of place as you stand back up, pressing your back flat against the wall for stability. Claire crosses her arms and stands directly in front of you.

“I can take it. I can take more than that,” you say boldly.

“Oh? What else do you like, slut?”

“You name it, I’m game.”

“Anything? Handcuffs? Whips? Knives?”

You nod at everything she comes up with. Jesus, you would let this woman carve out your heart if she wanted it.

“If I make you bleed?”

“Better.”

“Interesting. Does Duncan play these little games with you?”

You laugh. “No.”

“You only want a woman to do these things to you?”

“Precisely. Are you kinky, Madam President?”

“Whatever my partner requires... I make certain I provide.”

“But what do you want?”

“I’m a hard woman to please.”

“Oh. Is that the kind way of saying Frank wasn’t good in bed?” you ask, feigning sympathy. She only smirks again. “I’m surprised you didn’t slap me for that. He must have really been awful.”

“You think you could do better?”

“Women do everything better,” you laugh, earning perhaps the only genuine smile you’ve gotten from this woman the whole time. “That’s why I wanted to know if you’ve been with a woman...”

“No. But I’ve thought about it. Never had a woman as interested as you.”

“I find that very hard to believe. Maybe you just never noticed. What gave it away?” You’re aching for her to touch you again, give you anything, even pain, but she stands still in front of you.

“I can just tell. Besides, I was interested to meet you. You’re the Shepherd’s weak link. I knew Annette didn’t vet you carefully enough.”

“Are you saying me being gay is an issue?”

“Are you so naive to think it wouldn’t be, given the state of this country?” she retorts. “But that’s not all. I can tell you don’t like them. I could tell you were easy... on more than one account.”

You roll your eyes. “I fucking hate Bill. I mean it’s awful to say, he’s not doing well physically, but he’s just made life a living hell for me.”

“Why?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

“I don’t know. Maybe he hates gay people. Maybe he hates women. Both. Don’t know.”

“So everyone knows but Duncan? Funny how he’s kept out of all the good family secrets that concern him.”

You sigh. “See, sexuality’s a funny thing. I like Duncan. I do. And sometimes sex with him is good if not great. He’s a good partner. But I just prefer women.”

“Must be nice to have it figured out. Your generation did have it easier.”

You look at her questioningly. You never thought someone like her was human enough to struggle with such a thing, but perhaps that’s an unfair assessment.

Or she’s playing you.

Still. She’d have to be quite a good player - not that you should underestimate her skill - to talk about something as personal as her struggles with sexuality. Straight people just don’t get it. Would she really be this easily well versed if it was a game?

“There’s still a long ways to go,” you say.

“I intend to rectify that.”

“Of course you do.”

Her eyes narrow at you and she tilts her head. “Do you think I should be doing better?”

“Yeah. Come out, for starters.”

“Says the woman in a sham marriage.”

“It’s not a sham. I love Duncan,” you protest.

“Then why are you here, selling out his family just for a chance to fuck me? You’re not much better than I am.”

“I don’t think I’ve told you anything yet. Besides. It’s not his real family… as you say.”

“No. You haven’t told me anything I didn’t already know. But I haven’t fucked you yet either, have I?”

“Touché.”

“Come over here,” she beckons, leaning against the desk and once again it strikes you where you are - the fucking Oval Office. Are you seriously going to have sex in the Oval Office? Conservatives would be disgusted by this (although it wouldn’t be the first time this office was defiled). “Don’t look so scared now. You can’t back out at this point.”

You nod, trying not to look as nervous as you feel and walk the few steps over to her, your legs inches from hers. God, you’re practically dying from the anticipation alone.

“Does Duncan ever tell you how beautiful you are?” She asks. You’re absolutely shellshocked. There’s no trace of sarcasm in her voice.

“Sometimes,” you murmur.

“Just like men to not appreciate what they have.”

“Mm. Frank didn’t appreciate you, Claire? Didn’t make you feel good? I would. If you were my wife I’d make you come every fucking day,” you say, and boldly you decide to punctuate that statement by pressing your lips to hers.

Mistake. Or maybe not, you don’t know.

Her hands tangle in your hair and you feel her stand up, press against you firmly before backing you into the desk, pushing you onto it until your back is flat on the wood, and she’s hovering over you, her lips ghosting yours.

“I’m a hard woman to please,” she reiterates and you realize she never fucking lost her breath while you feel like the wind was knocked out of you. “I’m ambivalent about attention in general. But look at you, whore. You crave it, don’t you? Just want someone to tell you that you’re a good girl... oh, look at you squeeze your thighs together. Are you wet for me, slut?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” You ask, spreading your legs slightly for her.

She shakes her head, her straight platinum locks shifting as she does so, brushing against your face. “See? You’re not a good girl. You’re a dirty filthy whore and you just don’t know when to shut that whore mouth or close your fucking legs.”

You stay silent - you’re not sure what to do now. Do you antagonize her, push her further, see if it will rile her up again? Or do you try and kiss her again?

Claire has other ideas. “Beg,” she hisses in your ear. “Get down on your knees and beg for me.”

—- and I am evil and ending it there! Plz let me know if I should continue this!

[angelic-writer]

For the headcanons Chzo Mythos High School AU Victor

Victor is the kid who was on the honor roll, getting good grades on all of his subjects. Math is the only subject that Victor has a bit of trouble on, especially Trigonometry. Philip likes to tease him lightly on this, but he understands that Trig is a really hard subject.

Philip: Trust me, buddy. When you end up getting to learn Calculus, you're gonna need a triple shot latte.

Victor: I'd rather jump in the river Thames than learn about Calculus.

Victor is the student council president with Adam as the vice president. His peers are like "Who voted for this snippy man?" "All of us, dumbass." "Why though?" "Dude, do you think I know that?" At times when the work is too much, the two friends take a break to go out at night, have a smoke or two. Victor tried giving Adam a smoke one time, but it didn't go well so he stopped.

Victor has a bad habit of jumping into rivers. He doesn't know why he does it. Maybe it's the thrill or the adrenaline rush he gets from it. Adam gave Victor a bottle of vodka one time and he got really drunk. In his drunken state, he decided to jump in the river. Like "Wouldn't it be cool if I jump in this river?" and Adam is like "No?? Don't do that???" Despite Adam warning him, Victor jumps in the water. Since alcohol causes people to become disoriented when they're in the water... Well, let's just say that Victor almost drowns and Adam has to save him. That incident resulted in them making out. They both agreed to never bring it up.

Victor is considered to be the goth kid in school. He likes to listen to emo music like Radiohead and Linkin Park.

In addition to health class being one of the classes in the honor roll, Victor carries a litany of epi-pens in his backpack. Why so many considering how expensive they are? Well, he comes from a rich family and his uncle works as a doctor. He tends to keep an eye on his friends who have allergies, mainly Simmons who just can't stop himself from trying to eat peanuts.

As mentioned before, Victor's parents are rich and are considered one of the most prolific families alongside the Somersets and Quinns. You'd think having a family like that would be great for Victor. Well, the problem is... His parents are, let's just say, conservative. Long story short, Victor was in the closet for the entirety of his high school years.

Sometimes, he would get overwhelmed with everything. His schoolwork, his parents’ expectations, his confusion over who he is. It’s a lot to take in for a teenager. So, he’d vent to either his friends or one of his classmates, Leslie. They understand what Victor is going through, them discovering themselves as either agender or nonbinary. To please both of their parents, they decide to pretend to date each other. Victor will get the “girlfriend” he wanted and Leslie would have someone who appreciates them for being “feminine.” When they’re in the vicinity of their parents, Victor would use “she/her” pronouns to address Leslie, Leslie would dress in more feminine clothes and Victor would compliment them, telling them how beautiful they are. Both of their parents are very happy that their children are becoming more “like them” and started talking about possible wedding plans for them.

It destroyed Victor. This isn’t what he wanted. He doesn’t want to live in a lie just to please his parents. He’d rather die than conform to his parent’s expectations. Eventually, they decide to “break up” with each other, but Victor goes overboard, telling them that he hated being with them, that every time he had to lie to his parents, it made him want to die more and more. Every day of living with the fact that he is not like his dad was torture.

“Sometimes... Sometimes I wish I’d died in that river. I wish Adam didn’t save me!”

When he sees that he reduced Leslie to tears, he tries to apologize, but Leslie says it’s fine. They’ll be okay.

Later, Victor calls his friend group and is like “Okay, I’ll stay with one of you guys.” And later, Leslie sent him a text saying “Don’t worry too much about me. I’ll be okay. We needed to sell the act and to be honest, you aced your performance. But now, I’m really concerned for you. I think maybe you should see the school counselor. You don’t have to tell your parents about anything. It’ll be confidential between you and him.”

“To tell you the truth, I enjoyed going out with you, Victor. Even if it’s a lie, I really did like you. But I know that’s not what you want. So, hopefully we can still be friends?”

Victor texts back “Yeah. Of course we will.”

[mazuwii]

Name: Sudden Meltdown You= Y/N Ackerman College AU

Fast forward two lessons and I was sitting in the stuffed cafeteria with a fat cake on my plate, trying my hardest to ignore every chaotic thing going on in the huge round hall by chewing on more than I could possibly handle.

"Uh oh, she's stuffing her mouth, why are you mad?" Pieck nudged me. I had no choice but to groan and roll my eyes. Porco and Zeke were sat in front of us, already knowing why I was irritated. "She won't shut the fuck up for one damn second," I mumbled, my gaze averted to Historia standing on the table, barking out bullshit.

Reiner and Annie let out a scoff in sync, both keeping their focus on their phones. Bertholdt laughed awkwardly and played with his fork. "It'll die down soon." He said.

"No, does she think she's some kind of main character or something? Her standing on the table and giving a speech about violence isn't going to stop Eren and Jean fighting like two petty drag queens." I rolled my eyes and continued. "If it did work then they would have stopped arguing by now."

"I'm surprised you haven't gotten used to it." Yelena sat across Pieck and I with her usually half-empty tray. "No, everyone secretly finds it cringe, I can't be the only one."

"Mmm, I don't know Y/N, it seems like you are," Zeke smirked and slightly leaned out of the way. Suddenly, students from our class clapping for her came into my already crimson view. "I just want to drop-kick her damn it." I stabbed the cake, earning a tissue rubbing against my mouth and cheeks.

"Not while looking like a baby who can't feed themselves," Pieck said, wiping the corners. All of our friends chortled as she treated me like a child. "What a supportive friend you are(!)" I sighed and took my earphones out of my backpack so I could block out the blonde's agitating voice.

Why was I getting so mad? I had no idea. Perhaps it was because her words were so repetitive and held no meaning to them. "Maybe you're jealous." Porco smugly said. I responded with a growl. "Of what?"

"I don't know, the fact that almost every guy has had a crush on her or that she's prom queen every year or you aren't as feminine as her or maybe"-

"Shut up. I get it." I grunted, stubbornly crossing my arms and glaring away from everyone. "Don't talk with your mouth open, Pocco."

"Don't tell me what to do! Peepee!"

Ignoring Pieck and Porco, my weakened glower settled on Reiner, who was boringly drinking water, leaning against the chair like a careless kid at a boring lecture. "Rei?" He suddenly stopped drinking, his eyes dragging to me creepily. He hummed with his cheeks full of liquid.

"You okay? I never see you eating nowadays." This was a better subject to start rather than that annoying short drama queen. The tall man grinned sheepishly and shook his head. "I ate too much in the morning so I don't have an appetite right now."

"I don't believe that, you aren't as beefy as you used to be," I snickered, squinting my eyes at him. "I bet Porco must be so happy now." Zeke abruptly said to himself. Our attention darted towards the bearded guy, making him look up and proceed. "He's jealous of Reiner's boobs and tries to grow his"-

"What?! Pfft no, I don't! Where d-did you get that from!?"

"Read it in your diary."

Porco began his usual rampage on privacy and why having Zeke as a roommate was like sharing with an obnoxious monkey, making us facepalm at the two. I turned towards Reiner who blushed slightly. I laughed and shook my head at how shy he could become.

By the time their argument turned into playful insults with Pieck and Yelena reacting to all their crappy comebacks, Bertholdt and Annie left the table with each other, in love as always. I got up from my seat and sat next to Reiner since the seat next to him was now empty.

"You know," He started, "You don't need to be jealous of Historia, you're just as good if not, better than her." The heat in my cheeks radiated my entire face. "At least to me," He added with a small smile, suddenly widening his eyes.

"Oh- sorry was that weird?" He laughed awkwardly. "Not at all, weirdo." I smiled at him, loving the view. How could Annie be staring at her phone when she had such perfection sitting next to her?

"Now come with me, let's both get some milk!" I snatched his hand and forced him up with me. He widened his eyes at how abrupt I was being, not having the heart to say no.

Reiner had some issues he never speaks about to people. He's amazing, the way he tries to heal his wounds by healing everyone else's. Out of all the questions I had, I'd have to ask him why. Why he covers his pain up by smiling, which technically is like adding wood to fire.

After taking a croissant and a cookie, I took him out to the benches on campus, no one really goes there now because it was raining in the morning.

Still, I threw my jacket on it and told him to sit down. Before he could decline, I pressed on his shoulders and forced him on it. The jacket was long enough for the both of us so I sat down right next to him.

"Reiner." I mumbled, biting into my cookie and shoving the croissant on his lap. "Y/N... I really"-

"Shut up and eat it, I'm sick of pretending to believe your lies."

His hand shook slightly and his lips quivered, turning his head away from me so that I wouldn't see. My heart shattered into a million pieces upon seeing him try to hide a cry.

"Rei..." I whispered, reaching for his slumped shoulder. "I'm just worried about you, we're besties aren't we?"

"Y/N... I don't deserve anything or anyone." He finally said. Despite the fact it was sad, at least he said something.

"No, please don't tell me this is how you've been thinking?" I bit my lip and remembered how he had PTSD and his room was all for himself, he had no roommate and stays in silence for the whole night, panicking with no one to help.

The silence he was giving me frustrated me more than it should, the fact that he wasn't saying anything about this. Judging by his weight loss it had been at least two weeks. "How long?" I asked carefully.

"Every night..." He finally looked at me. His usually golden, passion-filled eyes were dull with a spike of pain glistening in them. The corners bloodshot as he tried to contain the tears.

"You've been strong for too long, it's ok to cry..." I slithered my arm around his shoulders and gently laid his head against the crook of my neck. His shoulders shook and his breath was shaking as he finally let it out, sobbing into my neck.

From time to time, he'd let out a loud groan by accident, sniffling to lower his voice so that no one could hear but himself. "You matter so much to me, I swear to god, Rei." My fingers raked through his short blonde hair that had grown over time, my other hand rubbing his back.

"I want Reiner Braun. No one else." I told him, knowing why he was putting on the older brother impression all the time.

"He- He's nothing..."

"He's everything to me, why would you want to take away my everything?"

Suddenly, the sniffling stopped and the tears running down my neck halted at my sweater, soaking the collar. His face came into view when he sat up, gazing at me as if I had stated the craziest thing. His bronze pools switched from my left to my right pupil, drowning in my sincerity.

"You know how shit my days here would be without your dumb ass to flirt and make the most himbo jokes?" I giggled, my palm snaking up to his jaw and feeling his stubble gently prick my fingers as I caressed him.

Even though he hadn't said a word, I could only wish I made him feel better about himself because I had not only stated the truth, I exposed myself, my weakness. Although I don't show my appreciation as much as I should, I do need him, life would collapse without the idiot...

"Now, if you take my everything away from me, I'll despise you with every inch of my body," I said, melting when his hand laid on top of mine, leaning into my touch.

"That's not a lot of inches." He mumbled into my palm, making me lightly laugh. "Bastard." He weakly smirked at my playful insult.

"Come here." I sat on my knees so that I was higher than him and rested his head against my chest, my arms tight and secure around him.

"Mm..." I heard his muffled voice say, "Every time you hug me I feel so safe..." My heart skipped a beat, surely I wasn't supposed to hear that considering how low his voice was.

"You won't tell anyone... right?" He said, taking a deep breath in. I could sense him relaxing in my embrace, reassuring not only him but me.

"Of course not, let's just try and get you a break from school, a week should do it... right?" My hand rested on the back of his head even when he moved to face me.

"We have a lot of work for the school play though... the equipment needs building, who'll do the backstage lighting and help with props and what"-

"REI! Relax yourself, himbo. It's only a week."

"No."

"Reiiiii!" I whined, ignoring the thunder that had just struck. "Are you telling me you wouldn't want a week holiday with me?"

"I do, Y/N but we can't." He held onto my waist, careful not to squeeze my sides because he's well aware I'm ticklish there. "I can heal..."

My head unknowingly shook from side to side, "Rei you don't understand, I'm worried for you, healing by yourself... are you sure it'd work?" Silence...

Just as he was about to open his mouth, synced whistling broke our eye contact in the now heavy rain. Our gazes were met by the most annoying trio, Connie, Sasha and Jean wriggling their eyebrows at us. I heard Reiner uncomfortably sigh, cutting his breath off mid-way.

Abruptly, Jean began humming careless whisper out loud with his bothersome voice, Connie singing the lyrics with Sasha weirdly dancing in front of them as if they were in a ninja trio for matchmaking. "Tonight the music seems so LOUD! I WISH THAT WE COULD LOSE THIS CROWD! BABY! IT'S BETTER THIS WAY!"-

"You kids never shut up," We all flinched at the sudden appearance of Levi in the rain, standing proudly at his size. "First of all, it's 'maybe it's better this way', second of all your singing is so bad that the thunderstorm got worse, third of all, Braun and Ackerman, both of you get to class this is not a cheesy ass romance movie!"

Note:

Ok but Sasha Connie and Jean doing careless whisper is 100% canon, like it's too funny not to be true, I’m just chucking this into tumblr LMAO

[princesssarisa]

Some more “Little Women” remarks: the problem of Beth

I honestly think most commentary I’ve read about Beth’s character is bad, both academic and from casual readers.

I understand why. She’s a difficult character. Modern readers who love Little Women and want to celebrate it as a proto-feminist work need to contend with the presence of this thoroughly domestic, shy, sweetly self-effacing character, seemingly the opposite of everything a feminist heroine should be. Meanwhile, other readers who despise Little Women and consider it anti-feminist cite Beth as the embodiment of its supposedly outdated morals. Then there’s the fact that she’s based on Louisa May Alcott’s actual sister, Lizzie Alcott, and does show hints of the real young woman’s complexity, and yet she’s much more idealized than the other sisters, which often makes readers view her as more of a symbol (of what they disagree, but definitely a symbol) than a real person.

But even though the various bad takes on her character are understandable, they’re still obnoxious, and in my humble opinion, not founded in the text.

Here are my views on some of the critics’ opinions I least agree with.

“She’s nothing but a bland, boring model of feminine virtue.”

Of course it’s fair to find her bland and boring. Everyone is entitled to feel how they feel about any character. But she’s not just a cardboard cutout of 19th century feminine virtue. So many people seem to dismiss her shyness as just the maidenly modesty that conduct books used to encourage. But it seems blatantly obvious to me that it’s more than just that. Beth’s crippling shyness is actively portrayed as her “burden,” just like Jo’s temper or Meg and Amy’s vanity and materialism. She struggles with it. Her parents have homeschooled her because her anxiety made the classroom unbearable for her – no conduct book has ever encouraged that! In Part 1, she has a character arc of overcoming enough of her shyness to make new friends like Mr. Laurence and Frank Vaughn. Then, in Part 2, she has the arc of struggling to accept her impending death: she doesn’t face it with pure serenity, but goes through a long journey of both physical and emotional pain before she finds peace in the end. Her character arcs might be quieter and subtler than her sisters’, but she’s not the static figure she’s often misremembered as being.

‘She needs to die because her life has no meaning outside of her family and the domestic sphere.”

In all fairness, Beth believes this herself: she says she was “never meant” to live long because she’s just “stupid little Beth,” with no plans for the future and of no use to anyone outside the home. But for readers to agree with that assessment has massive unfortunate implications! The world is full of both women and men who – whether because of physical or mental illness, disability, autism, Down Syndrome, or some other reason – can’t attend regular school, don’t make friends easily, are always “young for their age,” don’t get married or have romantic relationships, aren’t able to hold a regular job, never live apart from their families, and lead quiet, introverted, home-based lives. Should we look at those real people and think they all need to die? I don’t think so! Besides, it seems to me that the book actively refutes Beth’s self-deprecation. During both of her illnesses, it’s made clear how many people love her and how many people’s lives her quiet kindness has touched – not just her family and few close friends, but the neighbors, the Hummels (of course), the local tradespeople she interacts with, and the children she sews gifts for who write her letters of gratitude. Then there’s the last passage written from her viewpoint before her death, where she finds Jo’s poem that describes what a positive influence her memory will always be, and realizes that her short, quiet life hasn’t been the waste she thought it was. How anyone can read that passage and still come away viewing her life as meaningless is beyond me.

“She needs to die because she symbolizes a weak, outdated model of femininity.”

SparkNotes takes this interpretation of Beth and it annoys me to think of how many young readers that study guide has probably taught to view her this way. No matter how feisty and unconventional Louisa May Alcott was, and no mater how much she personally rebelled against passive, domestic femininity, would she really have portrayed her beloved sister Lizzie as “needing to die” because she was “too weak to survive in the modern world”? Would she really have turned Lizzie’s tragic death into a symbol of a toxic old archetype’s welcome death? But even if Beth were a purely fictional character and not based on the author’s sister, within the text she’s much too beloved and too positive an influence on everyone around her for this interpretation to feel right. This seems less like a valid reading of her character and more like wishful thinking on the part of some feminist scholars.

“She's a symbol of pure goodness who needs to die because she’s Too Good For This Sinful Earth™.”

Enough with the reasons why Beth “needs to die”! At least this one isn’t insulting. But I don’t think it’s really supported by the text either. If she were a symbol of goodness too pure for this world, then she wouldn’t forget to feed her pet bird for a week and lose him to starvation. She wouldn’t get snappish when she’s bored, even if she does only vent her frustration on her doll. She wouldn’t struggle with social anxiety, or dislike washing dishes, or be explicitly described as “not an angel” by the narrator because she can’t help but long for a better piano than the one she has. Now of course those flaws (except for accidentally letting her bird die) are minute compared to her sisters’. It’s fair to say that only “lip service” is paid to Beth’s humanity in an otherwise angelic portrayal. But it seems clear that Alcott did try to make her more human than other saintly, doomed young girls from the literature of her day: she’s certainly much more real than little Eva from Uncle Tom’s Cabin, for example.

“She’s destroyed by the oppressive model of femininity she adheres to.”

This argument holds that because Beth’s selfless care for others causes her illness, her story’s purpose is to condemn the expectation that women toil endlessly to serve others. But if Alcott meant to convey that message, I’d think she would have had Beth get sick by doing some unnecessary selfless deed. Helping a desperately poor, single immigrant mother take care of her sick children isn’t unnecessary. That’s not the kind of selflessness to file under “things feminists should rebel against.”

“She’s a symbol of ideal 19th century femininity, whom all three of her sisters – and implicitly all young female readers – are portrayed as needing to learn to be like.”

Whether people take this view positively (e.g. 19th and early 20th century parents who held up Beth as the model of sweet docility they wanted from their daughters) or negatively (e.g. feminists who can’t forgive Alcott for “remaking Jo in Beth’s image” by the end), I honestly think they’re misreading the book. I’ve already outlined the ways in which Beth struggles and grows just like her sisters do. If any character is portrayed as the ideal woman whom our young heroines all need to learn to be like, it’s not Beth, it’s Marmee. She combines aspects of all her daughters’ best selves (Meg and Beth’s nurturing, Jo’s strong will and Amy’s dignity) and she’s their chief source of wise advice and moral support. Yet none of her daughters become exactly like her either. They all maintain their distinct personalties, even as they grow. Admittedly, Beth’s sisters do sometimes put her on a pedestal as the person they should emulate – i.e. Amy during Beth’s first illness and Jo in the months directly after her death. But in both of those cases, their grief-inspired efforts are short-lived and they eventually go back to their natural boldness and ambitions. They just combine them with more of Beth’s kindness and unselfishness than before.

“She wills her own death.”

Of all these interpretations, this one is possibly the most blatantly contradicted by the text. Just because Beth’s fatal illness is vague and undefined beyond “she never recovered her strength after her scarlet fever” doesn’t mean it's caused by a lack of “will to live”; just because she interprets her lack of future plans or desire to leave home to mean that she’s “not meant to live long” doesn’t mean she’s so afraid to grow up that she wants to die. It’s made very clear that Beth wants to get well. Even though she tries to hide her deep depression from her family and face death willingly, she’s still distraught to have her happy life cut short.

I’ll admit that I’m probably biased, because as as a person on the autism spectrum who’s also struggled with social anxiety and led an introverted, home-based life, I personally relate to Beth. If I didn’t find her relatable, these interpretations would probably annoy me less. But I still think they’re based on a shallow overview of Beth’s character, combined with disdain for girls who don’t fit either the tomboyish “Jo” model or the sparkling “Amy” model of lively, outgoing young womanhood, rather than a close reading of the book.

[mikaze-discord]

Quartet Night: Love letters

Annnnnd these are the love letters written for Quartet Night!!!

Please enjoy under the cut~

REIJI KOTOBUKI

From Anon:

I've always been drawn to characters with complex (and fairly dark) personalities, so liking Rei-chan was honestly inevitable for me.

He looks like a very bright and cheerful character at first, which he is, but sometimes that part of him is a little misleading because, in actuality, he's a character that holds a lot of negative feelings about himself due to a past that he can't seem to move on from. He holds a lot of those feelings to himself because he doesn't want to burden anyone else with them. He's a reliable, cunning, and ultimately selfless character that chooses to shoulder a lot on his own out of his infinite care for others, and perhaps a secret sense of atonement, all hidden behind his bright demeanor and goofy smile, and it's endlessly interesting to me.

Besides the duality of his personality, he has a lot of other endearing quirks to love about him. He loves his mom a lot and is a mama's boy. His old-man jargon and catchphrases never fail to amuse (I still can't get over the way he says "my girl"). His obsession with anything even remotely British is something my APH England phase can relate to. His style of music brings a lot of pleasant feelings of nostalgia for me, and his pretty voice suits them a lot. And most of all he's just a very good boy overall. I rate 99999 out of 10 would love and support him and also maybe pay for his therapy because god knows he needs it. Happy anniversary!!

From another anon: 

Would you like to hear a story? You do? Very well then, may this story be one you enjoy.

What do I like about Reiji kotobuki? A Lot of things actually!

Well, I've always really liked Reiji as a character as he seemed to be one of the more interesting characters to me, due to how complex he is with his backstory and general just personality.

I have always really enjoyed how Reiji just solves problems too? Like he is just such an outgoing person who deserves all the support!!!

Like the best word I can use for Reiji is just, unique. Everything about him is just so Reiji. From the way he talks, to his nicknames or even his texting style. Like have you seen how many people use emoticons when texting as Reiji? It's just so him.

I like his way of thinking too! I feel like some of the interactions in the games are just so interesting, just seeing Reiji’s point of view. How he deals with a sort of survivor’s guilt and all of that.

Personally, some of my most memorable roleplaying moments were watching a Reiji rper in action, like just seeing them interact and flow so seamlessly with the other characters was just so fascinating to wee baby rper me. Such a large part of playing Reiji is just how you flow with the people around you and comedic timing. I have so many funny moments where Reiji was just interacting with people and it was just so inspirational (?) like I couldn't stop the smile on my face. I had learnt alot from them. I still consider them my roleplaying senpai almost! I don't talk to them anymore but I really had an amazing time just seeing their spin on the character.

I don't find him to be a romantic partner towards me nor do I see any of the characters in that light, but I've always found Reiji as such a personal character. Not even just towards me, like even with other utapri stans. The most relatable character always seems to be Reiji.

I've always been pretty similar in many aspects to him and I often find myself relating to him in numerous ways like his vibe is just relatable! I have often found myself trying to make other people laugh and have fun that many times I'm spreading myself thin and feel unappreciated...Reiji really helped with that.

This is where i start getting into the really personal stuff LOL feel free to skip if you dont wanna hear the angsty backstory.

I had really come to love Reiji when I had just...hit a low. I had a group of friends who I enjoyed hanging out with and just talking to, but they weren't very good friends per say. I often had to schedule every activity we did and I spent days and nights trying to think of concepts that might be fun. They took it for granted.. I had spent 4 months trying to make a game for them, and they had constantly pushed back times that we would play it. Using excuses to not play it, without telling me out right what they did not like or even why. The site I used was later taken down without notice and thus I had lost all my progress. Later, they had mentioned how they would like to play it except that later ended up being two years later. I really wish I could've solved things with that friend group like Quartet Night did but that didn't happen. That is when I started seeing things Reiji’s way? Not to say that it was the same or similar scenario to Reiji but I had just associated it with him.

RANMARU KUROSAKI

From Anon:

Ran is such a fun character! He sounds like a "rough outside, soft inside" kind of character, but his roughness is more like an integral part of him and it's through it that he shows he cares rather than setting it aside. That's what made me want to rp him. I also like how he is such a strong guy who's always determined to do his best in everything he does despite so much having gone wrong in his past. And it's very satisfying to see him form bonds and start to trust people.

From @mikaze-san:

Originally, my favourite Utapri boy was Ai, and it had been the robot boy for several years upon entering the fandom. In fact, it only switched to Ranmaru sometime late last year but regardless, I would still die for this man. Part of the reason why I switched is because I’ve always been a fan of Suzuki Tatsuhisa and I have a huge bias towards any man who wears nail polish without fearing being “feminine” because fuck gender roles.

As someone who studies fashion, I think Ranmaru is very coordinated and confident when it comes to portraying himself that way. He knows he’s not very good at expressing his emotions and utilises his passion for rock and playing the bass to portray those feelings through his songs. It’s also incredibly inspiring to know that he bounces back from pretty much anything considering his backstory and the stuff he deals with in the game/anime.

But my main reason for loving Ranmaru so much stems from the fact that I admire him a lot and want to be more like him. For a long time last year, I got to roleplay as Ranmaru in a few Utapri groups and through those experiences, I gained a better understanding and appreciation of the characters that I wrote for. In some weird way, by highlighting his flaws, character progression and how he dealt with different emotions, I ended up providing insight into how I dealt with similar issues by looking at them from a 3rd person perspective.

I used to be very shy and was very shut off from friends and family, and due to this I’ve always admired people in my life or fictional characters that are so confident in being who they are. Ranmaru particularly struck that chord in me because his bluntness knows no end. He’s very opinionated and doesn’t fear confrontation, in most cases being the one to provoke it. He speaks his mind openly without being overly anxious of the consequences. This is something that I feel is especially relevant today with being your authentic/unapologetic self is such a trend.

It’s something I’ve also noticed with having met people in or outside of this fandom, the notion of idolising a fictional character containing traits that we want to see in ourselves. Which made me think about a lot of my favourite kinds of characters which at the end of the day all boil down to sharing one similar trait: Being a bitch.

And in Utapri, Ranmaru embodies that. So naturally it’s very easy for me to idolise him.

(Tldr: I like his bitchy attitude.)

AI MIKAZE 

From Arashi:

It's hard to put into words why I love Ai Mikaze, perhaps it's because I'm subconsciously drawn to him, maybe it's because his hair and eyes are my favorite color, maybe it's because his voice is that of an angels, there are many reasons why I love him. I couldn't tell you a definite, "These one or two reasons are the entire reason I love him", but I'll try to sum it up.

I grew to love him by admiring his personality, his smile, his determination to reach his goals, everything about him made me happy. He's strict and a little scary at times, but when he sees people caring for him, he becomes happy and in a way, sentimental. He's not sure how to explain the way he feels, but he tries. I think I admire how he holds all the little things precious to his heart as he learns about them, and he wants to understand how to care for others and how they care for them in return. Even after six years, he still remains the most dear to me. I think that he now has a sentimental value to me, because even if I 'loved' another character more for a while, I will always come back to Ai. Ai deserves the world, and I'd give it to him if I could. He'll always be special to me, and I think that he very much deserves that.

From Maronda: 

My love for Ai started after I found Shining Live by chance and started to play. At first I wasn't particularly attached to any of the characters and decided to go back and watch the anime to maybe remember some context other than who Starish was. When I got to the episode focused on Ai and his "secret" I was absolutely thrown off by it all. I ended up feeling like I had so many questions and I knew that the anime would give me little to no answers, so I frequently turned to rambling on the internet about it. Eventually, this fixation on weird things about him seemed to turn into a clear fondness for him, and friends made me realize just how much I liked him. Knowing the cold and often strange aspects of his personality was due to something out of his control was something I resonated with as someone on the autism spectrum. He reminded me of some of the ways I used to think and behave.

I also began to notice other things I loved about him. Things like how soothing I found his voice, the pleasant shade of light blue in his hair and eyes, how ridiculously pretty he is... but the best things are the endearing parts of his personality. Though he's somewhat harsh, he's still entirely genuine. His curiosity is absolutely precious and his occasional awkwardness in expressing emotion or understanding the emotions of others made me empathize with him. And if you look at the Ai in Shining Live and compare it to the Ai in the anime and games... he really has changed a lot and grown as a person. He now seems so much gentler and understanding, and he clearly values the friendships he has now too! I think he's a wonderful character and ever since friends of mine encouraged me to selfship I've essentially been in love with him, but it also makes me happy to see other people appreciate him for other reasons as well. He's just so lovable!

CAMUS

From @uta-no-fakku-sama:

At the very beginning of my UtaPri interest, Camus never really caught my attention. That is until he became my first My Only Prince UR. I’ve come to appreciate him a lot more ever since, and now he’s become my favorite QUARTET NIGHT member! Along the way, I learned more about him and realized he’s one of the more complicated characters to understand. Nonetheless, I absolutely adore him. I tend to tease and make fun of him a lot, but deep down I truly do like him a whole bunch!

From @/waddamaloooon on twt: 

A little Camus appreciation post

(alternatively known as; how this guy managed to harshly take my heart and step on it like the gumin I am.)

Hello, this is Suikamaru, here to share a tiny story of why I, and eventually you, love Camus Rondo Cryzard.

At first glance, his looks appealed to me, but not his behavior (and ironically enough, his voice) so I didn't bat an eye on him. I've always been on a neutral leaning to dislike opinion on Camus, which is quite understandable because have you SEEN the way he acts. Unfathomable.

…..To a Young Suikamaru, that is.

I've grown, so naturally I've changed preferences regarding characters, ikemen, and who to stan and who to avoid like the plague. I will lie if I said that I expected to like that blonde confectionery devouring machine at any point of my life.

But it did happen so who are we fooling here.

It dawned on me that Camus is the type of character that you cannot appreciate unless you go in depth into his lore, backstory, and see him for who he really is. Because then everything else will make sense. And that never happened in my case until I started roleplaying as him.

I realized that he's not just a two faced, sweet toothed mean man. He's a perfectionist, someone who's always been raised since his childhood days to be nothing less than complete, who has locked on his heart and emotions to devote himself completely to the purpose given to him. He has the looks and brains for what though? He should be a little stupid honestly.

But his intelligence gave him the complexity that he just needed for his characteristics. Because as aforementioned, he's not someone to easily like or fall in love with. And I think that's quite rare in characters, and very much appreciated due to the fact it gives the fans a chance to not actually stay on a flat level of knowledge regarding their favorite characters.

I've slowly started to see myself in some aspects of him, which was the number one factor of liking him. Then came the Maeno magic when I realized Camus shares the same VA as another character that I love as well. (Hamelin, from SinoAlice.) From then, everything went downhill.

In a good way. I think..

Well, that is all from me, please read about this handsome man and appreciate his hard work both as an individual and as an idol. There is SO much to him that's p much overlooked and I'm getting broke from spending my money on his living expenses rent free in my head. Take him off my head.

[vemuabhi]

Insecurities - Benn Beckman X Male Reader

Requested by Sletza147 (wattpad)

Pairing : Benn Beckman X Male! Feminine! Reader 

Word count : 2.1K

A/N : There are a lot of people who are not truly accepting who they are because of this judgemental society. Everyone needs to be given a chance and be appreciated for who they are. I loved writing this request because it was really meaningful and lovely. If a person reading this is not accepting their true self because of this society, I just want to let you know that you are amazing and you are worth everything. Stay strong and love yourself!

Listen to  Scars to your Beautiful (Clickable). Its a song I really love which show the worth of every person. I was thinking about this song as I wrote this.

Warnings : Angst, Alcohol, Comfort and then happy ending.

You sit in the corner table of the bar as you chug the glass of beer in front of you. Was it the 7th or the 9th glass? You didn’t know. You didn’t care. All you wanted then to do was to drink away all your problems.

‘Why should it happen to me’, you thought as you clenched your wrist. You placed the glass on the table with a thud and walked towards the podium where some musicians played music. The bar seemed livelier now. You stood on the podium and turned around. Took the mic in your hand and started to sing a song as the musicians played music. You were singing a popular song so everyone cheered you and some even joined you while you sang. This time this lively group were really nice too.

After the song was finished, everyone clapped for you and you bowed. You tried to get down the podium, but as you were drunk, you slipped. But in an instant strong hands stopped you from falling.

“Ah! Thanks”, you said as you looked at the person. He was a tall man with raven black hair. He had a cigarette in his mouth and sharp black eyes.

You pulled away from him and made your way back to your spot. Other people started to sing and dance. Another glass came to you. You this time slowly sipped it. Then the same man with black hair came towards you.

“Is this place taken?”, he asked.

“No. As if anyone would want to sit and drink with me”, you answered as you gave him a weak smile. He sat in the chair and asked, “Why wouldn’t anyone want to sit with you? You seem like a really fun person”

You laughed at his words and asked for the bartender for another glass. “Well, lets see why not”, you said as you straightened your back. He sipped from his glass as he closely listened to you.

“I am a guy and I walk in a way everyone thinks is wrong for a man, to walk like that. I talk in this high pitch voice of mine, and everyone considers it as wrong, for a man. I try to look a bit colourful, and everyone says its not manly, for a guy. In simple words, everyone says ‘I’m not normal’. Now, tell me who would want to sit with me”, you said as the waiter placed another glass of beer in front of you.

“You are drinking too much”, he said only for you to scoff in return.

You sip it slowly and then continue, “People are really mean. They just don’t care what the other person is feeling. If you want to live, you either have to be rich and powerful or super perfect in every way”, you said and looked at him. You thought he wouldn’t care or would stop listening to you, but he kept listening.

You sighed and said, “Many said I was too feminine for a guy to be. Even my family. Also my ex-boyfriend”, you drank some more beer and added, “People love to bully others and especially, when they find someone like me, they won’t hold their horses anymore. You know how hard it is being a gay person. It would become even harder for feminine gay person like me. Where ever you go, people judge you. So, here I am, just like every week. Drinking to reduce the pain in my heart”, you smiled at him as you finish your glass.

“Sometimes, I wish I was normal”, you end with a fake chuckle. The man in front of you listened to every single word of yours carefully.

He drank his beer and placed the glass on the table. He looked sternly at you and said, “You are normal. You are, even if you agree or not”, he said as he indicated for another glass to the waiter.

He turned towards you and said, “There is nothing in this world, which is perfect. Yes, people judge, talk and bully. But if you prove, not to them, but to yourself about how amazing you are, you won’t be sad and drunk like this. Most people are trash and talk bad of one who is hard working, talented and good hearted. That’s hoe people are. If you want to become strong, work hard for yourself. If you want to achieve something, achieve it for yourself. Not for the sake of others. You are worth of many things”, he said as he smiled at you.

“You are already perfect. If you want to become even stronger, come join our Red hair pirates. We won’t judge you”, he said as his hand wiped your cheek. That was when you noticed that you were crying. He was a man who said you were worth it. He got up and placed some cash on the table.

“My treat. Don’t drink too much from now”, he said and left to his original group.

‘He was… he was a pirate and said all those nice things to me’ you thought as you took your belongings and left the place.

The next day you got up with your head killing you. This time, the hangover was worse than previous week. You remembered the man from last night and even if your head was in immense pain, you freshened and went towards the port for any pirate ship. ‘I don’t want to stay here. No person would even care if I leave. I’d die having a fun adventure rather than live with toxic people around me’, you thought as you searched for the ship.

After a while you saw a ship of the red hair pirates, which the man mentioned last night. You saw the man with red hair from the night before. ‘If I remember correctly, he is the friend of the raven haired man’, you thought as you made your way towards him.

“Excuse me, can I talk to you”, you asked the man as he smiled at you and stopped in his tracks.

“Hey! I saw you last night. You are the singer right”, he asked making you chuckle. The intense pain returned back to you and you winced in pain.

“Are you okay?”, he asked and you nodded as you still held your head.

“I saw your friend last night, can I please speak to him”, you asked the man who nodded as he placed his hand on your shoulder and said, “You really don’t seem ok, just come onto the ship. I’ll make sure someone gives you a medicine”, he said. You could only nod at that pain.

He led you towards the pirate ship and took you inside. It was your first time inside a pirate ship and you looked around even though you were in pain. He took you towards a room which looked like a medic room. He told you to sit on the bed and you obliged. He then looked out of the room and said, “Ah! Benn, come here! I need your help”, he said and the same man you were looking for came in. He was surprised to see you there.

“Oh my! You really came! And you met the captain himself”, he said

“What!”, you looked at the red haired man and said, “You are the captain. I… I’m sorry I didn’t even introduce myself”

“Haha, Its fine. I’m Shanks. Benn told me about you last night. So, do you want to become a pirate?”, he asked and you said, “Yes sir, if its ok, can I join your crew. I’ll make sure I’ll get stronger”

“That’s the sprit! Good. Welcome to the crew!”, Shanks exclaimed and continued, “Benn, could you give the newbie medicine, I’ll be back”, the captain left with that leaving you and Benn alone.

“I told you, you shouldn’t drink that much. See what happened now”, he said as he took a medicine from the cupboard and gave it to you.

“Take this. You’ll soon feel better”, he smiled and sat beside you. You took the medicine and it was sure horrible.

You looked at him and asked, “Why did you invite me to be one of the crew? Don’t you think, I may be a spy or a secret marine? How could you trust a stranger like me, not to say was drunk too at that moment?”

He smiled at you and said, “Yeah that’s a good question but, when I saw your tears just because of some words from a stranger. Your tears… they were pure. So, I offered you to come to the crew, to become even stronger”. You blushed at his words and he laughed seeing your red face.

Then began your journey as a member of the Red hair pirates group. The beginning wasn’t easy. The training was really tough. But you didn’t give up. You wanted to make your captain proud of you. He gave you the opportunity to join them. So you were really grateful to him. You trained with all the members but especially Benn. He gave you special attention and made you stronger. You loved visiting the new islands. They were all so different and unique. While you were on the ship, you noticed that the crew had zero sense of money. Getting to one island, the dorks would spend money on every useless thing and be broke for a lot of time.

As you didn’t want that to happen you took the matter in your hands and started to take care of the money. You started to make sure to give everyone equal share and save some for future. And due to your doings, they at least didn’t be too poor. You really had a hard time make sure to keep their sneaky hands away from the money. Fighting them while they tried to take money made you to become more will powered and stronger.

After 3 years, you showed a real improvement in your combat skills and made Benn and Shanks really proud of you. This crew didn’t once treated you differently. They respected you and treated you as one of them. They never mocked you. If anyone ever tried to make fun of the way you are, they beat the crap out of them.

You loved your crew. But especially… one person even more. That was the first mate of the crew. You always had feelings for him but never expressed them. But one night at a bar on an island, a guy suddenly stated to hit on you. You tried to reject him but he wouldn’t budge. As he was becoming creepier, you had no other choice but to search around for any of the members who weren’t completely wasted. You saw Benn was looking at you. It was as if he was waiting for a signal. “BABE! OVER HERE!”, you called Benn. His face slushed red at how you called him. He came towards you and sat beside you with his arm around your shoulder. Just one glare from Benn, made him to run away.

“Huff… Thanks for coming. He just wouldn’t leave”, you said as you drank the beer and continued, “I wish I also had a boyfriend or just be in a relationship. Makino san and Shanks are always making me jealous”, you fake chuckled and placed the glass on the table.

“Do… Do you like someone?”, he asked making your heart skip a beat.

“What if I say I do? What will you do?”, you asked but the latter didn’t even look at you. ‘If I tell it now, I can blame it was a joke right, since I won’t find a chance like this to play it off’, you thought.

You took the beer glass from his hand and said, “What will you do if I say, I like you? Would you then go out with me?”. Everything was silent but as soon as you said that, he looked at you with a stunned expression. You could see the pink hue on his cheeks.

“Yes, i… I’d go out with you”, he said as he turned his gaze away from you. ‘He is blushing! Oh god… is.. this happening? Is this a dream’, you thought as you looked at him with your eyes wide open.

“Wait, were… were you joking”, you asked him but he looked at you more seriously and said, “Why would I joke, in a moment like this?” he exhaled and turned towards you as he took your hand. “Y/N, will you go out with me. I promise I won’t let anyone or anything hurt you. Please be my boyfriend”.

You had no words to answer to his confession. All you could do was nod rigorously as tears slid down your face. He pulled you close to him and you wrapped your arms around his shoulder. 

After a while you went ahead to the podium space where people sing sometimes and took the mic. You took a deep breath and started to sing as people turned their focus on you. This time, you only looked at one person as you smiled and sang.

You don’t have to change a thing the world could change its heart

The scars to your beautiful 

We’re stars we’re beautiful

XOXOXOXO

I hope you liked it! Please forgive me for any mistakes.

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