#i’m just seeking comfort anyway i can at this point and bts always always always delivers | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caught-in-a-seesaw-stigma · 4 years

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Rejuvenation

For @jamaisjoons ‘The Summer Bucketlist: BTS Edition Collab’

Pairing(s): Yoongi x Reader x Hoseok (featuring Jungkook & Jimin w/ mentions of the others)

Genre: non-idol AU; Spa Owners/Workers, fluff, smut, dash of angst

Prompt: Treat Yourself to a Spa Day

Word Count: 12.5k+

Summary: You finally get a break from work and you decide to indulge in a little pampering and self-care. During lunch, your friend slips a card into your hand for an exclusive spa with a special referral discount. How can you resist? Let’s hope the Bangtan Blossoms Spa provides the relaxation & rejuvenation experience you desperately seek.

Warnings: cursing & vulgar language, sexual innuendos, penetrative sex, fingering, oral (female/male receiving), protected sex, body worship, praise kink, butt plug, nipple play, nipple clamps, hair pulling, choking, sex toy play, exhibitionism, triple penetration, anal play, pussy slapping, spanking

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The quaint stone building in front of you was the quintessential facade for a spa. The cobblestone walkway, the rocky texture on the outside walls, and the elaborate fountain surrounded by perfectly manicured foliage all perpetuated the illusion of escape from reality.

You looked at the matte black card in your hand and noted the embossed logo on the front. The mirrored geometric shapes were reminiscent of doors opening. You turned the card over and read the golden script scrawled across it.

Bangtan Blossoms Spa Member Referral Code: STAYGOLD 613 Journey Road Appointment: 9:00 AM

Your friend Danae could not stop talking about this place and when she’d handed over this referral card, you had half a mind to refuse it, but the appeal of a free relaxing spa day was too great to pass up. So you took the card and tucked it away, promising to call and make your appointment as soon as your lunch date was over.

Once you entered the lobby, the comforting scent of lavender enveloped your senses. The diffusers near the entrance were emitting wisps of scented fog, and your mind was immediately eased.

“Welcome to Bangtan Blossoms Spa,” announced the tall drink of water behind the reception desk. “I’m Jungkook, how can I help you today?”

You took a second to drink up the sleek raven hair tinged with blue, the tight black shirt clinging to a perfectly sculpted chest, and the unbuttoned modern hanbok hanging from his shoulders. His delicate pink lips were pulled into an eager smile and you couldn’t help returning it in kind.

He’s way too sweet and too young to be a spa worker. Maybe’s he’s an intern?

“Hi,” you smiled while handing over your appointment card. “I have a 9:00 am appointment.”

“Ok, let me get you signed in,” Jungkook exclaimed while typing in your information. “Oh, wow, you got one of the 2 for 1 specials? That’s awesome!”

“Really?” you asked Jungkook while peering over at the screen. “Where does it say that?”

“It says right here that you got the [Stay Gold Sope Summer Package],” Jungkook confirmed with a jubilant smile. “That means that Yoongi-hyung and Hobi-hyung will be your specialists. You’re in for a real treat today.”

“Jungkook!” called out a sharp silvery voice. “You are supposed to use their professional names when we’re at work.”

Jungkook visibly wilted and you noticed his bottom lip disappearing between his teeth. From behind a set of thick curtains emerged a perfectly coiffed head of platinum blonde, and you were momentarily stunned by his sumptuous rosy lips collected into an adorable pout. His sharp eyes flickered across Jungkook’s sheepish figure and he shook his head in disappointment.

“Seriously,” the blonde vision sighed airily. “This is why I don’t like leaving you alone at reception. You’re always breaking the rules.”

“I’m sorry, Jimin-ssi,” Jungkook groaned before panicking and correcting himself. “I mean, I’m sorry, Jimin.”

Jimin stepped past the curtain and smoothed out the smoky silk shirt draped across his delicate physique. Jungkook reluctantly relinquished his position in front of the computer and he pouted as Jimin shook his head at him in disapproval.

“It’s ok, Jungkook,” Jimin insisted in his mellifluous tone. “Just try to remember how we’re supposed to behave while we’re here. We want our clients to think of us as professionals, ok?”

“I know,” Jungkook replied. “I just forget sometimes, that’s all. Anyway, she’s here for her treatment. She has the [Stay Gold Sope Summer Package].”

“Ah, yes,” Jimin grinned while turning to address you directly. “Your specialists today will be Suga and J-Hope, or as we like to call the pair, Sope. My name is Jimin and you’ve already met Jungkook. Here at Bangtan Blossoms Spa, we make sure that our clients are given the very best that we have to offer. I hope you will enjoy your experience with us today.”

“Thank you,” you smiled at Jimin. “Jungkook was very welcoming and he was very helpful. Don’t be too hard on him.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Jungkook smirked. “I’m a big boy. I can take it.”

Your face flushed with heat at his words and Jimin giggled at Jungkook’s slip of the tongue.

“Jungkook, why don’t you let Suga and J-Hope know that their client is here,” Jimin suggested. “I will show her to her room so she can get ready for them.”

Jungkook nodded and smiled sweetly at you. He reached over to lift your hand to his lips, and you gawked at the assortment of tattoos peeking out beneath his hanbok sleeve. Jungkook released your hand and bowed slightly to you before lifting his brilliant cocoa colored eyes to meet your gaze.

“Have fun today,” Jungkook murmured cutely. “Maybe next time, you can choose me as your specialist? Satisfaction guaranteed.”

His lips pulled into a seductive smirk and he winked playfully before dashing behind the curtains out of sight. You felt a rush of heat creep across your body and Jimin giggled at Jungkook’s little flirtatious display before turning his attention back to you.

Ok, there was no preparing for that. That boy has trouble written all over him. Literally.

“Cheeky, isn’t he?” Jimin mused. “He’s our youngest specialist, but don’t let that fool you. He’s highly qualified and has outstanding client reviews, just like the rest of us here at Bangtan Blossoms Spa.”

“Good to know,” you smirked. “So, now what?”

‘Now, my lovely client,” Jimin continued while he stepped behind the reception desk and lifted a large canvas tote with the spa’s logo printed on it. “We take you to get ready for your spa treatment. This summer special entitles you to our finest combination of treatments and it will take some time. I promise that you will leave here feeling like a new woman.”

Jimin handed over the tote, and you gasped at the fluffy white robe embroidered in purple with the spa’s logo. There were also various items tucked beneath the robe, but there was no time to look at them. Jimin offered his arm to you and gently escorted you behind the curtain and into a long hallway with numerous doors. He stopped in front of the room number “7” and handed over an elaborate golden key.

“This is your private room for today,” Jimin announced. “You will have the only key to the room, so feel free to leave your personal possessions within. You may also enjoy the complimentary refreshments, and please don’t hesitate to use the intercom to call me at the front desk. I will be more than happy to assist you with whatever you need.”

“Thank you, Jimin,” you smiled. “I’ll remember that.”

“Please do,” Jimin quirked lasciviously. “I would love to be of service to you.”

He lifted your free hand and planted a lingering kiss on the inside of your wrist. After giving you a smile full of insinuation, Jimin turned and walked down the hall toward the curtained entrance. He paused and ran his fingers through his blonde locks before shooting one last smoldering look at you then disappearing into the reception area. You released the breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding.

Is everyone here just insanely attractive and fueled by desire? My brain is getting flooded by naughty thoughts.

Still flustered, you fumbled with the golden key in your hand, but once you were inside, you couldn’t help but gawk at the plush interior. There was an overstuffed purple lounger, a small walk-in closet, a full bathroom, a vanity table complete with LED bulbs along the edge, and a fully stocked wet bar. The side shelf displayed a variety of snacks and drinks, as well as various bath products infused with various essential oils. You noted the plethora of labels with bright green leaf stickers announcing the presence of either THC or CBD hemp oils.

Well isn’t that interesting? This place just keeps getting better and better.

You were no stranger to the wonders of cannabis and hemp; in fact, you and your girlfriends kept CBD and THC products in stock for medical and recreational purposes. You lifted a glittering bath bomb labeled Mikrokosmos and ran your thumb across the CBD sticker reverently.

“I bet you feel amazing,” you whispered to the tightly packed purple granules. “A nice hot bubble bath with you to soothe my aching muscles? Yes, please.”

A soft knock resounded behind you and you dropped your things on the lounger before walking back to open the door. The two men who greeted you were unbelievably attractive, and you were awestruck by the bright shining smile on one face and the mysteriously stoic face of the other.

“Hello,” chirped the ball of sunshine. “My name is J-Hope and this is my partner, Suga. We’re here to give you the ultimate Sope spa treatment.”

‘That was not the introduction we agreed on,” grumbled his partner. “Why did you make me practice that intro if you were just going to commandeer the entire thing?”

“Whoops,” giggled Mr. Sunshine. “Sorry about that. We can do it again, if you want.”

Mr. Grumblecakes pouted and shook his head slightly. You almost cooed at his knitted brow and puckered lips, but then he spoke again.

“What’s the point? The moment’s lost now,” Suga responded in pout. “Besides, we have more important matters to attend to, don’t we?”

His feline eyes lifted to meet your own and his pouty lips pulled up into a flirtatious smirk. You were taken aback at the duality between his previous cuteness and the unmistakable swagger that now greeted you.

“So, are you going to invite us in, beautiful?” he quipped. “Or should we wait for you in the hallway?”

“Oh, sorry,” you apologized quickly, while ushering them into your room. “Jimin didn’t tell me when to expect you.”

“Ah, Jimin,” J-Hope chuckled while nudging Suga’s arm. “We’re going to have to give him hell later. RM already talked to him about staying focused while on the job.”

“I know,” Suga grinned. “We should’ve just left Jin or V in charge of reception. They’re consistently attentive to the clients.”

“Yeah, but they’re both in high demand right now,” J-Hope guffawed. “Tall, dark, and handsome are hard to resist in this business, aren’t they, sweetheart?”

You glanced at him before sweeping your sharp eyes across their lean frames. Whatever they thought they were lacking in physical appearance was diminished by their larger than life personalities. J-Hope’s infectious aura perfectly balanced the sultry stylings of Suga, and together, you could tell that you would have your hands full.

In more ways than one...oh, if only…

“Actually,” you replied. “I don’t focus too much on physical appearances. I’m attracted to what’s underneath.”

“Oh really?” mused Suga while tugging at his waistband. “Is that an invitation to take off our clothes?”

“What?” you sputtered. “I didn’t mean-”

“Relax, princess,” J-Hope giggled, coming to your rescue. “Suga is just a big flirt. I see Jimin remembered to give you the complimentary spa tote. Why don’t you take it into the bathroom and read the enclosed card? We’ll wait for you here and then take you for your first treatment of the day. How does that sound?”

You took one last look at the smug look on Suga’s face before he wrinkled his nose at you and you couldn’t help smiling at the cute facial expression. His face bloomed into a full gummy smile at your reaction and you blushed in response.

These guys are adorable and deadly. This is going to be a long day.

J-Hope chuckled as he handed you the spa tote and gestured toward the bathroom door. You took one last glance at the charming pair and closed the door before your mind started wandering further.

You reached into the tote and found a creamy envelope nestled in the fluffy robe. The thick ivory card inside was inked in deep purple and read:

Welcome to Bangtan Blossoms Spa! Please undress to your level of comfort and feel free to use the complimentary robe during your stay with us. We’ve also included an assortment of special spa items that you can use to enhance your spa experience. Please be assured that every experience at Bangtan Blossoms Spa is based on your consent, so don’t feel pressured to indulge in any spa experience that makes you uncomfortable. Just give your specialists your comfort level based on the scale below. Your satisfaction is our ultimate goal, so please don’t hesitate to speak yourself and we promise to comply. Enjoy your stay with us today, and we look forward to your visits in the future!

~ Bangtan Blossoms Spa

COMFORT LEVEL INDICATOR

(Very Uncomfortable) 1 to 7 (Absolutely Comfortable)

You read the card twice and the words “consent” and “comfort” piqued your interest. Typical spa experiences were pretty standard: massages, mani-pedi packages, facials, etc. Your imagination wandered down a path that was completely inappropriate as you tried to conjure up a spa experience that would be concerned with your comfort and consent, especially if it involved a particular pair of specialists.

I could definitely think of a few things I would consent to with them.

You set the card aside and pulled out the robe. As you were unfolding it, you glanced at the bottom of the tote and saw a pair of spongy sandals as well as several boxes and bottles. You pulled out each item and laid them on the counter, marveling at the variety of lubricants, lotions, oils, and adult toys in the collection.

What the fuck? Are they serious? Am I really allowed to use this stuff at the spa?

You quickly read the card again and giggled slightly. With one more look at your newly acquired playtime items, your curiosity reached epic proportions.

Oh, hell yeah. My comfort level just shot up to 7.

With a whirlwind of possibilities circling your brain, you undressed and covered your bare body with the fluffy bathrobe. The luscious fabric felt incredible on your bare skin and the sandals were already doing wonders for your feet.

I don’t know where they get their spa swag, but the quality is amazing.

You unpacked the various toys from their packages and slipped them into your tote along with the other items. You took one last look at your reflection in the mirror and took a deep breath.

Let’s see what these guys have in store for me today.

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“Go ahead and have a seat, princess,” J-Hope instructed. “Suga and I need to get a few things ready before we start this treatment. Go ahead and put your hair up with this before we get started.”

He handed you a scrunchie and you pulled your hair into a tucked ponytail. The small room was outfitted with a padded table on one side and a set of cabinets on the other. Suga and J-Hope were busy mixing various oils and minerals into a large bowl with their gloved hands.

“I’m guessing this is some kind of salt scrub?” you predicted aloud. “You guys going to scrub the evil out of me?”

“Not exactly,” J-Hope replied. “This is a mix of coarse salt and raw sugar. The different sizes of granules polish off any dead skin or imperfections on your body. We’re also adding extracts of ginseng and cayenne to stimulate your pores and get some of those toxins out of your body.”

“So you can keep the evil, beautiful,” Suga quirked. “Keeps things interesting.”

“You guys aren’t like other spa specialists I’ve encountered,” you commented. “Most are so reserved and formal.”

“Ah, yeah, we’ve met some of those people,” J-Hope chuckled. “So uptight.’

“Our company policy is to make the customer as comfortable and satisfied as possible,” Suga continued. “Happy customers are repeat customers. We’ve discovered that we can spread more happiness by just being ourselves and by offering customers a more immersive experience.”

“How immersive?” you probed, thinking of the items in your tote.

J-Hope grinned and looked up at Suga, who smirked before winking at you.

“As immersive as you want, beautiful,” Suga replied. “J-Hope and I are yours for the day. Just let us know what we can do to make your stay with us as pleasurable as possible.

Your eyebrow quirked at his mention of “pleasurable” and you leaned over to open your tote and pull out the wireless vibrating egg and a bottle of lube. Suga’s gummy smile made another appearance and J-Hope’s grin increased in wattage as you fiddled with the buttons on the sleek black toy.

“Want me to help you with that, princess?” J-Hope offered sweetly. “There are some functions on that toy that I think you’d be very interested in.”

You smiled at his offer and held the toy out to him. He lifted his hands out of the bowl to discard the gloves and walked over to the side sink to wash his hands. You glanced over at Suga to gauge his reaction.

“Go ahead, beautiful,” Suga murmured. “I’ll finish getting this ready while J-Hope preps you.”

“Did you bring your phone with you, princess?” J-Hope queried. “We have a wireless charging station over here if you’d like to charge it.”

“Ummm, sure,” you replied, standing up with your phone in hand and the egg in the other. “Does this also need to be charged?”

“No, we make sure they are all fully charged before we give them to the clients,” J-Hope assured you. “What’s a toy if you can’t play with it right away? Here, let me show you how to use it, yeah?”

J-Hope put on a new set of gloves and helped you download an app to control the functions of your new toy and even showed you how to sync it to a music playlist which would match the vibrations to the rhythms of each song.

“So pick out your music and you’re good to go,” J-Hope remarked. “Would like me to get you started, princess? I think Suga is ready to start your treatment.”

You glanced over at Suga with questioning eyes and his lips quirked into a small smile.

“It’s ok, beautiful,” Suga cooed. “You and I can play later, I promise. Why don’t you get that robe off for us and lie on the table, huh?”

You giggled at his adorable response and handed over your phone and toy to J-Hope before stepping away to disrobe. You unabashedly slid the robe down your body and tossed it on the chair before laying facedown on the table. You shifted your gaze to Suga to catch his eyes roving over your naked form in appreciation. You both shared a wicked smile as J-Hope turned on the toy and filled the room with a soft buzzing sound. He made sure the velvety egg was properly synced to your phone and then walked over to the table.

“Now, princess,” he began. “Do you have a preference on where I put this little toy?”

“Specialist’s choice,” you challenged. “I trust you.”

A large slender hand wrapped around your calf causing you to jolt slightly. Your elevated heart rate slowed as J-Hope massaged your calf lightly.

“Comfort level, princess?” J-Hope asked. “I need to know before I continue.”

“7,” you hummed. “Definitely a 7.”

“You’re so eager,” Suga chuckled. “I like that. Are you ready for your scrubdown, beautiful?”

“Absolutely,” you breathed out as J-Hope continued to massage your legs. “Whatever is in that bowl smells heavenly.”

“We added some essential oils to relax you as we scrub,” he informed you while grabbing a handful of the mixture. “I have to warn you, this treatment is a little intense. The ginseng is going to energize you, but the cayenne is going to make your skin feel heated. If it’s too much, you need to let us know.”

“I will,” you promised. “Thank you for the warning.”

“Ok, then I’m going to start,” Suga announced. “J-Hope will join me as soon as he gets that toy of yours situated.”

“Oh yeah?” you mused. “And when is he-”

Soothing instrumental music filled the room as J-Hope started your playlist. You yelped as you felt the pulsating vibrations on the back of your thigh. J-Hope began simultaneously massaging your lower limbs while trailing the vibrating egg along your skin.

“Ah, J-Hope,” you preened. “Don’t tease me.”

“No?” he giggled. “You seem to like it? Just look at how aroused you are right now.”

J-Hope slipped the egg between your legs and gathered the arousal leaking down your thighs. He rubbed the tip across your glistening slit and relished the subtle undulations he was causing.

“Hold still for a moment, princess,” J-Hope instructed. “I need to get this inside of you so I can help Suga.”

The vibrations left your body as Suga stood at the front of the table just in front of your face. He leaned forward and spread two handfuls of the scrub mixture across your back and began lightly massaging it into your upper back and shoulders. The rough texture paired with the soothing scent felt magnificent and the slight pressure he was using caused you to moan out softly.

“That feels so good, Suga,” you gasped. “Your hands are magical.”

“Magical, huh?” Suga smirked. “Just wait until later, beautiful. My hands can do so much more.”

He continued to scrub your shoulders and arms while you noticed the buzzing sound approaching the table once again. Before you could ask any questions, you felt a hand grip the back of your thigh. J-Hope’s thumb rubbed small circles while getting closer to your dripping center. The now lubricated egg made another appearance at your entrance and he slowly worked it inside while reaching underneath you to stimulate your hardened clit.

Once the egg was fully inside, you could feel it grazing just below your G-spot and your hips writhed slightly trying to reach that one spot. You tried to arch your back, but both Suga and J-Hope braced your body to hold you still.

“Try not to move too much, sweetheart,” Suga suggested. “This treatment works best if you hold still. Let us move your body for you.”

“But it feels so good,” you whimpered as the vibrations to the beat of your selected playlist.

“I know it does,” chuckled J-Hope. “Be a good girl and let us take care of you, yeah?”

You took a deep breath and resisted the urge to squirm on the table. Four hands began scrubbing your skin with the oiled salt-sugar mixture and you couldn’t decide what was more distracting: their skilled hands or the little bundle of pleasure edging you with every down beat. Each sweeping motion tingled and the added bonus of exfoliation intensified the overall sensations you were experiencing. You started to find a manageable position to endure both their ministrations and the stimulation down below, but then Suga tapped you on the shoulder and asked you to turn over.

As soon as you got onto your back, you realized that you were in trouble. Your nipples were standing fully erect and both J-Hope and Suga now had a clear view of the copious arousal leaking out of your hypersensitive sex. In addition, the ginseng and cayenne were at war on your skin, spreading a soothing warmth and also inciting a surge of energy that only facilitated more stimulation. You moaned out at the simultaneous stimuli and your specialists grinned.

“Problems, princess?” Suga teased. “What’s your comfort level?”

“U-ummm,” you stuttered. “A 6, but only because I’m a little frustrated.”

“Frustrated, huh?” J-Hope giggled. “Can you hold out a little longer, princess? Suga and I promise to take care of that as soon as we’re done with this treatment. These materials can irritate your sensitive areas, so we need to be careful.”

“O-ok,” you pouted while shifting slightly on the table. “I’ll be good.”

“That’s right, beautiful,” Suga expressed while scrubbing your arms. “Who’s our good girl?”

“I am,” you sighed while closing your eyes. “I’m your good girl.”

Suga leaned down and brushed his lips across your cheek before sliding his hands down your chest and onto your breasts. You gasped as his fingers pulled on your hardened peaks, but then you felt another set of hands join him and you involuntarily moaned out.

“Oh, she liked that,” J-Hope affirmed. “Your tits are amazing, princess. So full and plump.”

“Are you really that surprised, J-Hope?” Suga chuckled. You felt how firm and luscious her ass was. She’s fucking perfect.”

You squealed inwardly at their laudatory statements, you couldn’t help smiling as they continued to shower you with compliments about your body. J-Hope and Suga began alternating their hands across your body while scrubbing into every possible crevice, spreading the lovely tingling warmth to all of your extremities.

“Ok, princess,” J-Hope announced. “It’s time to rinse. Let Suga help you off the table. I’ll get the shower ready.”

Suga took your hand and helped you sit up on the table. Once you stepped down, he led you behind a wall of glass bricks which hid a small shower area. J-Hope adjusted the temperature of the water before turning on the spray nozzles mounted on top of the wall.

Once Suga removed your hair tie, he maneuvered you under the nozzles, and he and J-Hope began sweeping their hands across your body to remove the excess granules and oils lingering on your body. Each caress caused jolts of pleasure which were intensified by the ceaseless pulsations between your legs. You shifted your weight back and forth trying to build up some friction, but their actions didn’t allow enough stimulation and you were left whining slightly as your gratification drifted away time and time again.

On the plus side, both J-Hope and Suga were showing more of themselves than before. The white linen was clinging to their skin as more and more of their clothing soaked up the sudsy water. The two of them seemed completely unconcerned about the fact that their clothes were getting completely drenched. You licked your lips as lean muscle and hard lines were revealed bit by bit.

Not that I’m complaining. These two are a sight to see, especially when they’re dripping wet.

Once they were satisfied that your skin was clear of the scrub mix, they grabbed a couple of loofahs and began lathering your skin with a spicy scented body wash. You wanted to argue that you could wash your own body, but the lingering touches and gentle gropes quickly put that idea to bed. You didn’t fail to notice that their fingertips paid extra special attention to your breasts, ass, and inner thighs.

These fucking teases!

J-Hope pulled back to wring out his loofah and place it back in the basket and Suga did the same. You squirmed in exasperation as their hands left your body and another whine escaped your lips as a heavy bass line started up on your playlist. You closed your eyes and tried to focus on the vibrations while rubbing your thighs together slightly.

“Still feeling frustrated, princess?” J-Hope murmured into your ear. “Would you like a reward for being such a good girl?”

“Yes, please,” you groaned lightly. “Thank you.”

“So polite,” Suga chuckled. “I like her.”

J-Hope reached down and dipped his middle finger into your slippery folds. The soft squelches caused him to hum with delight.

“You hear that, princess?” he asked sweetly. “You’re soaking wet down here. Is this all for us? Did we get you this excited?”

“Mmmm, yes,” you moaned while gripping his shoulder tightly. “I couldn’t concentrate on anything else while you were touching me.”

Suga placed one hand on your lower back and reached up with the other to roll one of your nipples between his fingers. You yelped as he pinched it slightly and pulled, but it quickly morphed into a moan as J-Hope tugged on the egg and pulled it out of your drenched pussy. He circled your swollen clit with the vibrating toy and pulled moan after moan out of your mouth. You were so distracted by his actions that you didn’t realize Suga’s hand was dipping further south.

You squealed with pleasure as his deft fingers slipped into your aching core from behind and your hips rocked back against them impatiently. You were desperately trying to reach your climax, but it just kept building higher and higher.

“Come on, beautiful,” Suga gruffed into your ear seductively. “Just let go.”

His raspy voice snapped your synapses into place and the orgasm you’d been chasing exploded like dynamite. You nearly screamed as wave after wave of ecstasy erupted across your nerve endings, and they held you in place and helped you ride it out like true gentlemen. Once the pleasure shifted into overstimulation, you tugged at their wrists.

“3, guys,” you groaned fretfully. “Give me some time to recover.”

They immediately ceased their actions and allowed you some time to gather your composure. You stepped back into the stream of water and quickly swept away any excess arousal from between your legs and let out a large satisfied sigh. Once you were done, they turned off the water and began putting things back in their place.

“That was incredible,” you proclaimed. “Thank you.”

“Oh, it was our pleasure, beautiful,” Suga drawled. “Did you enjoy your first treatment?”

“Enjoy it?” you blurted out. “If all of the treatments are that good, I may never leave this spa. How many treatments am I getting anyway?”

“7, actually,” J-Hope smiled. “The scrub was your first, and the second is some time in the steam room. Let me get you a few towels and show you to the sauna. Suga and I will get changed while you enjoy your steam.”

“You’re not joining me?” you asked. “I’ll be all alone?”

They exchanged a look and grinned at your pouty face. J-Hope tossed a fluffy towel over to Suga and they began to dry off your body and hair. J-Hope wrapped your torso in an oversized towel while Suga began to pat your hair dry.

“If you want us to join you, we certainly can,” Suga responded while meticulously squeezing the excess water out of your hair. “Just give us a sec to get changed. We can’t go in there soaking wet.”

“You could just take your clothes off, y’know,” you joked. “I mean, I’m just going to be wearing a towel. You guys could do the same.”

“Let’s listen to the gorgeous client, J-Hope,” Suga argued. “She makes some very valid points.”

“Ok, ok,” J-Hope snickered. “If princess wants us naked, then naked we will be. You can’t hold us responsible for any shenanigans that may occur while we’re naked though.”

“Deal,” you confirmed with a smirk. “Who knows what might happen when we’re all hot and sweaty?”

The two specialists laughed at your insinuation and they lifted their linen shirts over their heads. The fabric landed in a soggy heap on the floor, and your eyes roved over the glistening skin revealed to you. J-Hope’s honeyed skin was rippling with lean sinewy muscle, while Suga’s alabaster skin gleamed under the lights like fresh cream. You didn’t even realize you were biting your lip until Suga reached up to pull it out from between your teeth.

“Hungry, beautiful?” he mused. “I could get you a snack, if you want.”

“I’m good on snacks,” you countered with a wink. “But I am a little thirsty.”

J-Hope shook his head and chuckled at your words. Most clients took a while to let loose, but you jumped right in and he was loving it. He noticed Suga’s tongue poking out the corner of his mouth and he decided to let the two of you have a little fun. It was only fair since he got to play with you first.

“Since our princess is so thirsty, let me go get her something to drink,” J-Hope proposed. “Suga, will you show her to the steam room?”

“With pleasure,” Suga agreed. “Come along, beautiful. Let’s get you comfortable.”

Suga led you across the room to a frosted glass door with the word “Sauna” scrawled across the front in swirling letters. As soon as he opened the door, a wave of humidity assaulted your senses and your skin prickled with goose pimples at the shift in temperature.

“Your skin may be a little sensitive after the scrub,” Suga explained as he felt you shudder. “Give the steam a minute or two to regulate your body temperature and you will start to feel better. Have a seat inside, beautiful. I’m going to get myself into a towel and then I will join you, yeah?”

“Ok,” you pouted. “Don’t be gone too long.”

You took a seat on the corner of the L-shaped bench and stretched your legs out. True to his word, the discomfort you’d felt upon entry was slowly dissipating with every drop of perspiration that left your pores. Somehow, the scrub invigorated your skin and the steam was now bringing it back down to a state of complete relaxation.

They really plan these treatments out well.

The door opened to reveal both Suga and J-Hope with towels wrapped around their waists. J-Hope was carrying three large bottles of water, and he handed one over to you and one to Suga. They sat on either side of you, with Suga pulling your legs over his lap and J-Hope wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

“Ok, princess,” J-Hope began. “You get a 15 minute steam, and then we’ll take you to your next treatment. How does that sound?”

“Only 15 minutes?” you whined. “Why so little?”

“The steam is going to dehydrate your body, beautiful,” Suga explained while rubbing your feet. “After scrubbing you down, your body needs to sweat out the excess. The shower only does so much.”

“Drink your water, princess,” J-Hope reminded you. “We can’t have our lovely client thirsty, now can we?”

You nodded and took a long drink of water, not realizing how thirsty you actually were. Suga’s hands continued trailing across your skin and you were mesmerized by the prominent veins gleaming under the surface. You didn’t even realize that you were breathing heavily until J-Hope’s delicate fingers caught your towel just as it became untucked from your heaving breasts.

“Someone is a little excited,” J-Hope teased while moving your hair away from your neck. “Aren’t Suga’s hands pretty on your skin, princess?”

“Y-yeah,” you gulped. “They really are.”

“Would you like to see what else they can do, beautiful?” Suga challenged while licking his lips. “I only gave you a little taste earlier.”

“I mean I’m not gonna say no,” you giggled. “But I’m also wondering about that tongue of yours.”

Suga grinned a big gummy smile at you before pulling your leg up to his lips. He pressed a soft kiss to your ankle and your breath hitched. He suckled lightly at your skin before you saw a flash of pink sneak out and trace a long stripe across the top of your foot. J-Hope’s fingers tugged lightly at your towel, and on the next lick Suga’s tongue inflicted on your skin, the towel fell open to expose your heated skin heaving in anticipation.

“So pretty,” J-Hope commented while kissing your bare shoulder. “You have no idea what you’re doing to us, do you, princess?”

“She really doesn’t” Suga chuckled in a dulcet tone while nipping at your toe with his lips. “She just sits there looking like some kind of goddess, tempting us over and over again.”

Suga slotted himself between your legs and licked his way up to your center. With one fluid motion, his tongue swirled the arousal nestled around your clit and he groaned as he swallowed.

“Holy fuck, that’s good,” he hissed. “We gotta get you out of here, beautiful. We might break the sauna if we turn the heat up any more.”

“Don’t stop,” you whined. “I want more of that tongue of yours.”

“You’ll get more, princess,” J-Hope promised. “We just need to get out of the sauna. We can’t risk getting too physical in here, it’s not safe. Come on.”

He helped you stand while Suga wrapped the towel around your body, making sure to tuck in the end so it wouldn’t fall. Suga walked over to the door of the sauna and held it open as you and J-Hope walked out, grabbing your tote as you exited. Suga held your robe open while J-Hope removed your towel and tossed it in a laundry bin. Once you were wrapped up in the cozy terry cloth, J-Hope and Suga traded their towels for a clean set of linen clothes.

They led you down the hall and into a large room with a wide in-ground pond full of steaming purple water. There were sprigs of white and purple flowers floating on the surface and a lovely sweet scent filling your nostrils.

“That smells amazing,” you sighed. “What is that?”

“That is the soaking pool,” Suga explained. “After your mud bath, you get a 20 minute soak in the pool. We had it prepared with lavender and vanilla blossoms just for you, beautiful.”

“A mud bath?” you queried. “Didn’t you just get me all cleaned up? You’re going to get me dirty again?”

“In more ways than one, princess,” J-Hope teased. “Let’s just say that your spa treatments today will alternate between dirty and clean.”

“So what’s next?” you purred. “I hope it’s dirty.”

“Oh, it’s very dirty, beautiful,” Suga murmured behind you. “You’re gonna love it.”

J-Hope pulled you over to the other end of the room next to a massive Japanese soaking tub filled with sludgy gray liquid. You stood on the thick padded mats surrounding the tub while the two specialists gathered an assortment of bottles and glass containers and then spread them out on a shelf by the tub.

“Ok, princess, it’s time to choose,” J-Hope informed you. “The mud is already mixed with crushed volcanic rock to help with exfoliation, but we do have additives that can make the experience even more satisfying.”

“Really?” you wondered aloud. “Like what?”

“Well, there’s the usual things like flowers or plants,” Suga explained. “We have a lot of combinations that can soothe your skin or create a scent while you bathe. However, there are some infused oils we can add that can give you a different kind of experience.”

“You had me at different,” you smiled. “Tell me about these oils.”

“We have a few cannabis infused oils here that we harvest from our farm,” J-Hope pointed out. “There are THC oils and CBD oils, so depending on whether you’re looking for relaxation or recreation, you can choose what to mix into your mud bath.”

You perused the collection and picked out a CBD oil called Otsukare and you noted the amount of CBD infused into the oil. Considering the insanity of the school year you just finished, you needed a nice deep relaxing experience. You handed the oil over to Suga and he nodded once before pour the oil into the tub. He hit a button on the side and a small motor started up, filling the room with a soft buzz.

“The oil needs to be mixed in completely before you can get in, beautiful,” Suga explained. “We will just have to find something to occupy our time until it’s ready.”

J-Hope stepped behind you and ran his hands up and down your arms, his nose nuzzling against your hair as you released an enthusiastic hum.

“What did you have in mind?” you breathed out.

Suga stepped in front of you and parted your robe before reaching down to feel the slickness between your thighs. Your breath stuttered as he delved into your folds with his skilled digits.

“You’re still so wet, beautiful,” Suga groaned. “I love how responsive you are.”

You stifled your moans by biting on your bottom lip, embarrassed by the loud echoes bouncing off the walls. J-Hope chuckled at your display of restraint and tilted your head back so he could point to the silvery globe in the corner of the room.

“Why hold back, princess?” J-Hope whispered. “Jimin can see everything going on in every inch of this place. I guarantee he’s been watching us this entire time.”

“Oh, definitely,” Suga agreed. “If not him, then it’s probably Jungkook. So let go of that lip, sweetheart. Let us hear how good we’re making you feel.”

Your eyes widened at the thought of someone watching this lewd display and the shock loosened your tongue completely. Your wails reverberated across the walls as Suga’s fingers began pumping in and out of your dripping cunt. J-Hope slipped your robe off completely and cupped your breasts with his large hands as he nibbled on your earlobe.

You closed your eyes as you imagined either Jimin or Jungkook witnessing the debauchery unfolding. Just the thought of those delicious specimens caused you to clench around Suga’s fingers and he groaned at the sensation.

“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” Suga mused. “I think she likes that the boys are probably watching us ravage her, J-Hope.”

“I think you’re right,” J-Hope snickered while pulling gently on your nipples. “Let’s give the boys a real show, yeah? What’s your comfort level, princess?”

“It’s a 7, fuck,” you croaked out as Suga curled his fingers along your G-spot. “Yeah, it’s totally a 7.”

“Would you like to play with some more of those toys you have in your tote?” Suga asked. “We’d love to help you give them a test run.”

“Yeah, we can do that,” you mewled as he pulled out his fingers and ran the excess arousal around your swollen clit. “Pick something out. I’m ok with everything in that bag.”

Suga lifted his fingers and sucked on them while smiling. He took his shirt off and dried off the excess before walking over to retrieve an item from your tote. J-Hope spun you around and kneeled so his tongue could dive into the mess Suga left between your legs. You ran your fingers through his light brown tresses as he bestowed your pussy with a neverending onslaught of French kisses. You were so enthralled by his fancy tongue work that you didn’t realize Suga was behind you until you felt his fingers sneaking between your ass cheeks to spread a slippery liquid that warmed as he probed at your puckered rim.

“Guess what I found, beautiful,” Suga teased. “J-Hope and I are going to make sure you release some more of that tension before we put you in that mud bath. Let’s get you prepped first, yeah?”

His skilled finger worked its way into your well lubricated asshole and one finger quickly became two as he scissored your back entrance open. The dual stimulation from both Suga and J-Hope tingled across your nerve endings as your body was finely tuned with pleasure. Your moans went up an octave as you felt something smooth and blunt vibrate against your lubricated hole.

“Comfort level, beautiful,” Suga said in a raspy voice dripping with lust. “Tell me before I put this in.”

“7!” you wailed. “Please, 7!”

“You heard her,” J-Hope groaned as he stood up, wiping his glistening face. “Go ahead, put it in.”

You braced yourself against J-Hope’s chest as you felt Suga’s slowly push the vibrating toy in. You whimpered at the stretch, and J-Hope stroked your hair and kissed your temple until you felt the toy taper off and then nestle snugly just inside your ass.

“I guess you found the butt plug, Suga?” you gritted out. “Not what I thought you’d choose.”

“You did say we could choose anything, beautiful,” Suga shrugged before laying his hand heavily across your right ass cheek. “And this ass is too perfect not to play with.”

“Where’s the remote?” J-Hope asked. “I want to play with it.”

“I set it to alternate patterns every 3 minutes,” Suga informed him. “We have other things we can play with.”

J-Hope’s wolfish grin sent a chill down your spine as the vibrations changed from a steady buzz to a series of sharp pulses. You yelped at the transition and then nearly purred when you saw both specialists shedding their clothes once again to reveal their fully erect penises. While J-Hope’s cock was a dusky pink, Suga’s was a shade lighter. What they had in common was impressive girth and a turgid length that made your mouth water.

“Hungry again, beautiful?” Suga teased. “Do you want a little taste before we wrap them up for playtime?”

Suga began languidly stroking his dick while J-Hope slipped his fingers into your hair and pulled your face toward him. The fire dancing around his dilated pupils made you tremble with anticipation, and his voice dropped an octave when he finally spoke.

“Comfort level, princess.” J-Hope gritted out. “Things are about to get a little intense, and we need to know that you’re ok with it.”

“Still a 7,” you whined. “You’d be surprised how much I can take.”

J-Hope chuckled and leaned in to nip at your earlobe as Suga stepped in to do the same. You sighed at their lavish treatment and started running your hands along the hard planes of their bodies. A harsh pull from J-Hope’s hand stopped your exploration and you sucked in a deep breath.

“On your knees, princess,” J-Hope instructed. “Make sure we’re good and ready for you.”

Your knees hit the mat the instant that J-Hope released your hair and you gazed up at your pair of pleasure specialists. Suga tossed a condom over to J-Hope and they looked down and smiled at your acquiescence.

“Such a good girl, isn’t she?” Suga cooed. “Look at how pretty she looks on her knees, just waiting for us to wreck her.”

You smiled widely at his words and pulled your lip between your teeth before reaching out to take both of their cocks into your hands. They both reached down to stroke your hair as you began sinking onto each of their lengths, dragging and swirling your tongue to collect every drop of precum that presented itself. They each had a unique flavor and mixing the two together proved to be an intoxicating combination.

He and Suga were alternating soft moans as you continued to stroke, lick, and suck at them hungrily. You started rocking your hips back forth, desperate for some kind of friction down below. The butt plug was still sending jolts of pleasure in alternating rhythms, but it simply wasn’t enough.

“Easy, princess,” J-Hope groaned. “We don’t want you tiring yourself out before we get a chance to play with you.”

Suga gently pulled you off his dick by your hair, but you refused to have your new toy taken away from you, so he pulled a little harder to get your attention. You whined in protest as they both helped you to your feet, but you were quickly silenced by Suga’s magnificent tongue diving into your open mouth. You were so distracted by his hypnotic kisses that you almost missed the sound of a condom wrapper being opened behind you. Suga pulled back and pressed one last lingering kiss to your mouth before spinning you around to face J-Hope.

“I hope you’re ready for me, princess,” J-Hope announced. “Because I’m going in.”

J-Hope pulled you into his arms and picked you up bridal style. As he was kneeling onto the mats, you latched onto his lips and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. As your ass hit the mat, you immediately spread your legs to accommodate his svelte frame. You only released his lips to moan when you felt him teasing your clit with the head of his cock. A copious amount of arousal collected onto his throbbing length and he groaned as you rolled your hips against him.

“Be patient, princess,” J-Hope begged. “There’s no need to rush.”

“Yeah,” Suga smirked while rolling on a condom. “We’re not going anywhere.”

You felt J-Hope breach past your glistening folds as he sheathed his cock inside your velvety walls in one thrust. You were so aroused that he slid right in, stretching you out so nicely that you mewled in ecstasy. The vibrations from the butt plug caused you both to groan as they shifted yet again to a different rhythm. You clenched tightly around his shaft in response and he moaned deliciously above you.

“Oh my gods,” J-Hope murmured. “You’re squeezing me so tightly, princess.”

“Well, that’s great for you,” Suga mused. “But how am I going to fit if she doesn’t relax a little?”

Your lust-addled brain flickered into clarity briefly to consider what Suga just uttered.

Fit? What does he mean fit?

J-Hope’s shallow thrusts increased in pace until you were writhing against his hips to multiply the amount of friction. You were losing yourself to the wondrous sensation of J-Hope’s dick plunging into your depths and the shifting vibrations of the butt plug, so you dismissed Suga’s odd comment.

“Hold on, princess,” J-Hope muttered. “I want to see you ride me.”

With amazing coordination, he rolled onto his back while keeping you both connected. Now that you had control of the situation, you planted your palms on his golden chest and started bouncing away on his stiff cock, loving the erotic sight of his hair splayed on the mat and his half-lidded eyes watching your tits as they defied gravity over and over again. You were well on your way to a blazing orgasm when you felt Suga wrap his long fingers around your neck.

“That’s it, beautiful,” Suga murmured in an impassioned voice. “Get that pussy nice and wet for me.”

His fingers tightened slightly around your throat and you gasped slightly as your vision became a little fuzzy. You felt him kneel behind you and then wrap his other arm around your waist. J-Hope’s hands gripped your hips and rocked you back and forth on his dick while Suga’s fingers quickly found your clit. With both of them working in tandem, you soared into a blinding orgasm that left you shaking and lifeless on J-Hope’s chest.

You were just about to try and lift up your head when you felt Suga pushing the blunt head of his cock against your quivering entrance.

“Come on, gorgeous,” Suga prompted. “Relax a little and let me inside. I want to feel this glorious cunt that J-Hope keeps whining about.”

J-Hope lifted your head and gently licked his way inside of your mouth. With your mind focused on his magnificent kissing skills, your body released the tension you were unconsciously holding onto and you squeaked as you felt Suga’s engorged mushroom tip glide its way into your yielding pussy alongside J-Hope. The burning stretch was slightly overwhelming, but with both men soothing you and the vibrations in your ass stimulating you, more and more of your golden ichor leaked from your pussy to accommodate both cocks as they began to grind their hips against you.

“Holy fuck, beautiful,” Suga grunted. “J-Hope wasn’t lying. Your pussy feels fucking amazing. Oh man, I think I live here now.”

“Told you, dude,” J-Hope groaned. “This precious little doll can take both of us and still feel tight as hell.”

The tightness in your clit was growing exponentially and as their thrusts grew more forceful, the overwhelming amount of stimulation started to push you over the edge once again. Suga started fiddling with the controls on the bottom of the butt plug and switched to a full blown consistent vibration which threw all three of you into a moaning mess.

Both men pounded into your pussy as a deluge of arousal gushed forth, and before you could try to form a coherent thought, your body seized up and white light flashed across your vision. Your body went completely still as wave after wave of pleasure crashed throughout your body. The orgasm was so intense that you squirted all over the place, which caused both Suga and J-Hope to lose control and empty themselves into their condoms.

Suga slowly pulled out and sat back onto his heels and J-Hope rolled you onto your side so he could withdraw as well. You whined at the overstimulation caused by the butt plug still vibrating at full speed and Suga quickly found the remote control to turn it off. Once the buzzing ceased, you truly relaxed into the mats and breathed out a small giggle.

“That was fucking intense, guys,” you admitted. “But I”m still at fucking 7.”

J-Hope’s eyes widened and so did Suga’s gummy smile. They were afraid that they’d pushed you too far on your first visit, but it seemed like they still had a lot to learn about your limits. Suga got up and walked over to the tub and checked the consistency of the mud.

“Your bath is ready, gorgeous,” Suga announced. “Let’s get you into the tub, yeah?”

“But I’m all dirty,” you protested. “Should I rinse first?”

“Princess, you’re about to get into a tub of mud,” J-Hope reminded you. “I think dirty is the only thing you can be right now.”

You all laughed at the absurdity of his words and you simply nodded in agreement as they helped you off the mats and into the warm mud. Once you were submerged in the slick liquid, rested your head against the wall and breathed out a sigh of relief. The warmth was doing wonders for your aching muscles and the gentle exfoliation of the crushed volcanic rock felt marvelous. You were just about to ask about the CBD additive when you started to feel a slight tingle creep over your skin. The tingle grew into a gentle buzz that sent your body into a languid stupor of relaxation.

“Oh my,” you sighed. “You guys weren’t kidding about that oil. It feels amazing in here.”

The two specialists chuckled and started cleaning up the mess around the tub while checking on the soaking pool. You were just about to drift off into a light nap when Suga tapped on your shoulder.

“Ok, beautiful,” he called out. “It’s time to get out.”

“What?” you asked incredulously. “No, it feels so good in here. Let me stay in a little longer, please?”

“Nope, sorry,” J-Hope called out. “That volcanic rock may feel good now, but it will start to burn if you stay in too long. Come on, get up, princess.”

Reluctantly, you stood up in the tub and pulled yourself onto the mats. Suga turned off the motor for the tub and led you over to J-Hope who had a nozzled water hose with lukewarm water streaming out. Suga was quick to remind you that you needed to remove your butt plug before entering the pool, so you leaned onto J-Hope for support as he gently pulled it out and cleaned it before setting it back into your tote.

After they hosed you down, they led you over to the soaking pool and helped you step into the hot sweet water. With the flowers floating around you and the wisps of scented steam enveloping your senses, you felt like royalty with your servants walking around doing your bidding. Your twenty minutes in the tub passed sooner than you expected, and you were soon being hoisted out of the pool, dried off, and wrapped up in your robe once again. Once Suga and J-Hope were dressed in yet another set of linen clothes, you grabbed your tote and left down the hall for yet another room with a padded table.

This room was different though. There were diffusers releasing curls of peppermint mist around the room and the table had a hole on one end. You tossed your tote into a basket by the door and walked over to the table to await your instructions.

“Time for your massage, beautiful,” Suga informed you. “Take off your robe and get on the table. J-Hope and I need to get ready.”

“You’re both going to massage me?” you asked. “How does that even work?”

“Just like it did before, princess,” J-Hope smirked. “One on each side.”

You blushed slightly, remembering your previous activities, and disrobed before climbing onto the table face down. You listened as they wandered around the room gathering sundry items before stationing themselves on either side of the table.

“This is a carefully coordinated massage, princess,” J-Hope stated. “So please hold still, or we will have to punish you, is that understood?”

“Punish, huh?” you snorted. “I’d like to see you try.”

“Oh, gorgeous,” Suga remarked cooly. “That tongue of yours will get you into a lot of trouble one day.”

“That may be today,” J-Hope muttered. “Let’s see if she can behave, hmm?”

Instrumental music started up from the speaker in the corner and you felt a drizzle of warm liquid trail across your back from top to bottom. You shivered as it trickled down your sides and into any available crevice. Suga and J-Hope placed their wide palms on your back and spread the oil in small concentric circles until your entire back was covered.

You heard J-Hope count off and then the gentle pressure transformed into an intricate choreography of their fingertips wringing out every possible knot and ounce of tension left in your body. The only response you could give was a series of whimpers and groans when you felt a particularly stubborn knot refuse to budge or if their fingers dipped into sensitive areas. They reached a stopping point and removed their hands from your body.

“Ok, princess,” J-Hope said casually. “We need you to flip over. It’s time to massage your front.”

You whined loudly and huffed out an exhale of protest. Suga smacked your ass lightly and you lifted your head to pout at him.

“Don’t give me that look,” he reprimanded playfully. “Are you misbehaving? Do we need to punish you?”

“No,” you muttered while turning onto your side to face him. “I’m moving, I’m moving, geez.”

“So sassy,” J-Hope chuckled. “I think we should punish her a little anyway, just to work that sass out of her system. What do you think, Suga?”

Instead of replying, Suga simply smirked and walked over to the cabinet and started digging around for something. You turned onto your back and closed your eyes, feeling the stress of the past year just seep out onto the padded table.

I don’t know how much more relaxed I can get. These guys just chased all of those stress annoyances away with their magical hands.

A metallic jingle rang out in the room and you turned your head to see Suga holding up a length of fine chain connected to two small black clamps. The seven golden bells hanging along the chain jingled as he walked toward you.

“Since this is the Stay Gold Summer Special, let’s add a little more gold to your treatments,” Suga mused. “Every time you move and cause these bells to jingle, you will earn a spanking from us.”

“And don’t try to argue that we’re to blame,” J-Hope countered. “We will know when it’s our fault and when it’s not.”

You considered Suga’s words and decided that you were up to the challenge. You’d never tried nipple clamps before, but what the hell? A little spanking wasn’t going to scare you away from trying something new.

“Go ahead,” you prompted arrogantly. “A little pain never scared me.”

Suga chuckled at your response and leaned down to lavish your nipple with his tongue and J-Hope mirrored his actions on the other. Once both nipples were sufficiently erect, they each took a clamp and gently affixed it onto your hardened nubs. The pressure was sharp, but not unbearable. You took a deep breath and were pleased to see that your breath wouldn’t trigger a bell to go off accidentally. You were just about to close your eyes when a palm trailed across your thigh, causing your entire body to twitch involuntarily.

Ring, ring…

The seven bells jingled as your body twitched and you huffed out in frustration and glared at the offending hand belonging to J-Hope.

“What happened, princess?” he quirked. “Are we a little ticklish?”

“Just a little,” you admitted. “I can usually hold it in if I know it’s-”

SMACK!

You yelped in surprise as Suga’s heavy palm slammed down onto your exposed sex. The force of his slap left a harsh prickles along your clit and the telltale jingling sound that followed left you gritting your teeth. You snapped your eyes over to the smug smirk on Suga’s face and you narrowed your eyelids at him.

“What?” Suga shrugged. “We already told you. You move, you get spanked. I never specified where or when, did I?”

You pouted at him and his cool demeanor thawed just a bit. He leaned over you and pressed a soft kiss to the tip of your nose.

“Was that too much for you, beautiful?” Suga asked sweetly. “What’s your comfort level?”

“Still a 7,” you muttered petulantly. “I was just surprised, that’s all.”

“If you say so, baby,” J-Hope snickered. “Now hold still while we finish your massage, ok?”

You nodded slightly as both he and Suga began their intricate hand choreography on your supine form. With the tension collecting at the tips of your breasts, you found it difficult to anticipate their fingers brushing along your ticklish zones. Much to your dismay, on more than one occasion, the bells rang out because you could suppress the urge to jerk and jostle your body away from them.

J-Hope took it upon himself to count each offense as they collected exponentially. Suga would periodically deliver a sharp slap to your thigh or even a lingering smack to your drenched center. Each lick of pain increased your arousal and you silently cursed the metallic traitors attached to your tits.

“Alright, princess,” Suga piped up. “We’re all done with your massage. J-Hope, what was the last count?”

“We still owe her 7,” J-Hope giggled. “Let’s switch hit.”

“You heard him, gorgeous,” Suga pointed out. “Time to take your punishment like a good girl. If you count them down, then I’ll give you a prize, yeah?”

They helped you to your feet and bent you over the table gently. Your stiff peaks hovered over the table and you rolled your eyes at the glint of silver and gold in the warm light. Two palms began rubbing circles onto your plump ass cheeks and you braced yourself for the impact. You didn’t know who was going to go first, but you were ready to take your licks like a champ.

SMACK!

Both palms landed across your ass without warning and they rubbed both hits in gently as your body jerked forward against the table. The shock and subsequent jingling wore off quickly, and you remembered Suga’s promise and the bells ceased their taunting tinkling.

“One,” you gasped. “Two.”

“Good girl,” Suga replied. “Keep it up. I promise you won’t be disappointed.”

They alternated spanks across both of your cheeks until the count reached seven. You spoke out the last count and slumped on the table trying to catch your breath. The combination of the spanks and the tension on your nipples was dizzying and you needed some sort of relief.

As though he could hear your silent prayer, J-Hope reached over and began rubbing a soothing cream over your reddened flesh. He murmured sweet nothings to you while he diligently chased away any lingering pain remaining from your punishment and you beamed at each uttered phrase from his lips.

“You’ve been such a good girl, beautiful,” Suga remarked. “Turn around, baby, and I’ll give you that prize I mentioned.”

You didn’t know what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t Suga falling to his knees in front of you. He kissed across your hips and all the way to your center and you spread your legs further to accommodate his slim frame. He meticulously licked his way to your sweet spot and lavished your dripping folds with unparalleled affection. Your delicious moans mixed in with the successive jingles from the nipple clamps and you entertained the notion that you’d become an instrument for Suga to play. His diligent tongue technique was befuddling your senses and you submitted yourself to the symphony he was orchestrating between your thighs.

J-Hope made his way behind the table and he hopped onto it so he could straddle your body from behind. He brushed your hair away from your face so he could get a better look at the erotic facial expressions you were making. The tears forming at the corners of your eyes spoke volumes about how worked up you were getting.

“That’s it, baby,” J-Hope coaxed you along salaciously. “Don’t hold anything back. Let it all out.”

Suga’s slipped two fingers into your creamy pussy as his tongue began rigorously concentrating on your throbbing clitoris. As if anticipating your impending climax, J-Hope abandoned your hair and began gently tugging at the clamps still firmly attached to your nipples. As your body locked up to process your orgasm, he pulled the clamps from your tits completely, leaving a sweet blinding sting behind that he quickly soothed with his warm fingers. Suga stood up and grabbed a nearby towel to wipe his face clean and his gummy smile at your satiated state brightened the room substantially.

“Feel better, princess?” J-Hope whispered against your tear stained cheeks. “Did you like Suga’s prize?”

“It was incredible,” you sighed. “You guys are so attentive, I don’t know what to say. I wish everyday could be like this.”

The two specialists laughed at your wishful thinking and helped you back into your luxurious robe. You retrieved your tote from the basket and let them lead you down the hall to a small room with a pedicure chair. Suga took your tote and set it aside while J-Hope helped you into the chair. While J-Hope fiddled with the foot soaking tub controls, Suga grabbed a brush and began gently brushing the tangles out of your still damp hair.

“Ok, princess,” J-Hope said as the tub began bubbling. “Put your feet in the tub. Suga will apply your hair mask and face mask while I work on your pedicure. While the masks are doing their thing, he will also do your manicure. How does that sound?”

“That sounds like heaven,” you admitted. “I’m feeling so pampered today. Two gorgeous men attending to my every need? A girl could get used to this.”

They hummed in agreement as they worked tirelessly to get you all set up with multitudinous spa treatments at once. The hair mask was thick and fluffy golden cloud on top of your head and the face mask was jet black with flecks of gold peeking through. Suga briefly explained the various elements of each mask, but you were too caught up in J-Hope’s foot massage to retain any of that information. By the time they were both done completing their tasks, you were floating on a cloud of pure bliss.

“Ok, beautiful, feet up,” J-Hope instructed. “Suga is going to help you rinse off those masks while I clean this up.”

Suga led you over to a large sink where he got your hair and face rinsed completely before dabbing them dry with a large towel. You felt a little wobbly from the rollercoaster of activities throughout the day, and you were hoping for a break in the schedule.

“So what’s next, guys?” you piped up. “What other adventure do you have in store for me?”

“Oh, it’s a good one, beautiful,” Suga professed. “You’re going to love it.”

“Oh yeah?” you quipped. “What is it?”

“It’s a surprise,” J-Hope proclaimed. “We’re taking you back to your room for your last treatment of the day.”

Suga handed over your tote and the three of you wandered back down the hall to Room 7. You located your golden key within your tote and unlocked the door. Once the three of you were inside, Suga walked over to the closet and pulled out a stack of satin pajamas.

“Ready for your last treatment, baby?” J-Hope asked.

You looked at both of them and were perplexed. Nothing in the room suggested any form of debauchery or pampering, so what were you supposed to be looking at?

“What kind of treatment is it?” you asked. “I’m a little confused.”

“It’s a nap,” Suga beamed. “I know we put you through a lot of ups and downs today, but what better way to relax after all that than to take a nap?”

“What? How?” you sputtered. “The only place to nap is that lounger and we don’t all fit.”

J-Hope stepped forward and lifted the bottom of the lounger cushion to reveal a fold out bed. The mattress was topped with a thick memory foam topper and covered in luscious purple sheets. Suga nudged your shoulder and nodded at the pajamas in his hand.

“So which ones do you want, beautiful?” he murmured. “Pants, shorts, nightie, nothing?”

“I’ll take the shorts,” you giggled. “I think I need a break from sexual activity for a while. You guys wore me out today, but in the best possible way.”

Everyone changed into the soft pajamas and cuddled up on the bed. There was just enough room for all three of you to stretch out and snuggle into one another. You nuzzled into J-Hope’s chest and Suga curled around your frame as the big spoon. With a simple voice command, the room plunged into darkness and you felt the day slowly vanishing as you slipped into sweet oblivion in between your phenomenal new playmates. --------- “Wake up, angel,” a soft tinkling voice called out to you. “Wake up.”

You groaned slightly and stretched out on the bed like some kind of cat. When you opened your eyes, the room was dimly lit and both J-Hope and Suga were gone. Jimin’s angelic face smiled sweetly at you from across the bed. He was laid out beside you and obviously amused by your sleepy heavy face.

“Where did Suga and J-Hope go?” you pouted. “I thought we were taking a nap together.”

“You were, cutie,” Jimin confirmed. “But they had to leave a while ago to go prepare for tomorrow’s client. They didn’t want to wake you before you were ready. I came to check on you since we’re closing up soon.”

You sat up in bed and tried to shake the slumber out of your eyes. Jimin giggled softly and helped you stand up. You glanced around the room, wondering where to start.

“Why don’t you go into the bathroom and change into your regular clothes?” Jimin suggested. “I will gather up your things and prepare a little to-go basket for you. Does that sound good?”

You nodded and smiled at Jimin and you sighed at his adorable half moon eye smile.

Now that is something I don’t mind waking up to. The Universe blessed this boy with the most endearing features. I just want to squish his adorable face.

You changed into your clothes and walked out with the pajamas you’d worn. Before you could ask Jimin where to put them, he folded them and placed them in your tote. A loud knock boomed from the door and you could swear you could feel the annoyance seeping out of Jimin’s face. He opened the door to reveal an enthusiastic Jungkook carrying an empty basket lined with purple satin.

“Do you have to be so loud, Jungkook?” Jimin snapped. “Have some respect for our lovely guest.”

“Sorry,” Jungkook deflated. “Can I help make her basket, Jimin?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” Jimin waved him off. “Make sure you aren’t just putting in things that you like. Remember when we discussed the meaning of the word variety?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jungkook scoffed. “I know.”

While Jungkook began piling snacks and other sundry items into the basket, Jimin stepped forward and offered to help you fix your hair. It was sticking up all over the place after your nap, and he quickly smoothed out the tangles and styled it into a twist. He produced a decorative hair stick from a drawer and secured the twist in place and stepped back to admire his handiwork.

“Perfect,” he breathed out. “Absolutely perfect.”

“The basket is ready,” Jungkook announced. “Can I carry it out for her?”

“Yes, of course,” Jimin agreed. “Let’s get her over to reception so I can get her all checked out for the day.”

After returning your key and signing a few forms, Jimin handed over the receipt for the day’s activities along with a folder filled with information about the spa and an application for membership.

“All Bangtan Blossoms members are allowed to give out a spa day treatment like the one you experienced today,” Jimin explained. “If you decided that you’d like to take advantage of that special offer, just give me a call, cutie. I’ll hook you up with some fantastic spa swag and maybe even a little extra.”

You considered his offer as you tracked his tongue poking out to lick his lips seductively. The twinkle of mischief was dancing across his pupils again and you memorized the look in his eyes to get you through the next couple of nights.

Oh, I’m definitely going to be thinking about that.

“Thank you, Jimin,” you replied. “I will absolutely keep that in mind.”

He walked you and Jungkook to the door and sent you off with another suggestive kiss on the inside of your wrist.

“See you soon,” Jimin whispered with yearning. “I hope.”

Jimin licked his lips and cocked an eyebrow at you before sauntering back behind the reception desk. Jungkook glanced back and forth between the two of you with a predatory look in his eyes and you shook off the fleeting tingle of passion Jimin incited.

“Let me see you out to your car, sweetheart,” Jungkook offered. “It’s the least I can do.”

Jungkook held the door open for you as you exited the spa and headed for the parking lot. The sun was just dipping down to the horizon, and you gawked at the realization that you’d spent an entire day at the spa.

Worth. Every. Second.

Jungkook placed your gift basket and tote in your backseat before opening your car door for you like a gentleman.

“I hope you had a good time with us today,” Jungkook said. “If you did, that means you’ll probably come back. From what we saw today, I definitely want you to come back.”

“From what you saw?” you choked out. “What do you mean?”

The guilty smile creeping across his face said it all, but the wink he gave you only confirmed your suspicions. They’d been watching you all day. He lifted your hand to give it another kiss and spun around to walk back to the spa. You were left in the parking lot trying to clear the rush of blood that was dusting your cheeks pink.

These guys will be the death of me. I swear.

The only thought running through your mind as you drive home was figuring out when you’d be able to visit them again.

Soon, I hope.

Author’s Note: I hope you enjoyed this little visit to the Bangtan Blossoms Spa. I know I did. If the Muse strikes again, maybe we can visit some of the other specialists? We’ll see ^-^

@caught-in-a-seesaw-stigma‘s MASTERLIST

#rejuvenation #bts au fic #jamaisjoons summer collab #tsb 2020 collab #bts sope #yoongi x reader #hoseok x reader #sope smut #yoongi smut #hoseok smut #park jimin #jeon jungkook #bts bangtan sonyeondan #spa day #jhope #suga bts

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

Note

Hi!💜 Your theories about jikook not being together during a portion of the ON era are interesting. It seemed like they were vibing together in some bits we saw in that era. Like a level of intimacy and comfort (like when they 'played hide and seek' during that sirius radio interview in the states, when jk wouldnt shut up about🎶jm jm yeah jm🎶. What are you seeing that i am not?

Oh lord! Uhmm...

I honestly don't know the answer to your question quite frankly. It's not a competition is all I can say.

We see from our experiences not from our sight? From our intuition not our vision? So, I don't know. We are all experiencing Jikook differently and perceiving them differently is what I think. Some see Jikook and see two brothers, some see them and see two best friends. We see them and see two lovers. What do we see that they don't?

The answer wouldn't matter because at the end of the day, it's all just theory and opinions and not facts. Until Jikook themselves come out as LGBTQ plus and in a relationship with eachother nothing we say here about them matters.

You don't need to see what I see to have an opinion on Jikook or feel your opinion on Jikook is valid. And I don't need to convince you of my opinion for my opinion to be valid.

I am not in this to convince anyone of my opinion about Jikook. Let me set that record straight. And all these concerns about brainwashing people... how stupid do y'all think people are? Yall keep talking as if shippers are dumb and gullible and don't have the brains to distinguish between people's opinions and actual fact. That's very presumptuous, obnoxious and condescending quite frankly. People have brains you know? Chilee.

Mine is just to support Jikook the best way I can- which is to treat them as people and individuals, not fantasies. Thus, I do not want to engage in and will not engage in any argumentative discussions about what these kinds of moments are and what they mean. At the very least we can agree to disagree.

And if it's my opinion you want, I think I have already exhausted this topic across several posts so you can kindly refer to that. Quiet frankly I would rather read your opinion about the topic at this point- Jikook in that era or the era before it. So please share your thoughts as well.

My belief about Jikook don't cancel yours, nor does yours cancel mine- if it did there would be only one ship in BTS and yet here we are amongst a sea of ships all waving the 'it is real' flag.

And these moments you mention are/were very cute and honey I love them too uWu- but are they moments you consider as indicative of two people in an intimate, sexual relationship with eachother? I gotta ask.

Or did you just miss everything else that was happening within that period from their trip to New York and back to S.K?

I think the moments you mention are really cute interactions and there is even much more cuter interactions within that period- my favorite of which would be Teleporter Jeon teleporting his ass from next to Tae all the way to his man because a certain Idol behind him was getting too close- uWu!

I rate teleporter Jeon much higher on my Jikook is real assessment tab than the moments you mention because that is right of authority and claiming right there.

But the moment you mentioned, honestly if I see two people in other ships do it too I am not gonna yell they are a couple you know? And if you wouldn't consider any other ship that did that in BTS to be real too when they do it, then why ask me to believe Jikook is real just because they do these kinds of things?

I mean Jikook is also a tradship like any other ship in BTS after all. And people are going to swoon over their skinship and interactions each time and lament when they think they are not interacting or doing much skinship. But none of that is proof Jikook is real. To me.

I think a distinction ought to be made here between Jikook the tradship and Jikook the alt-ship. To see what I see in Jikook as an alt-shipper, you would have to also be an alt-shipper or at least a tradshipper with an open mind. It's as simple as that.

Jikook in On era is just the climax to a series of tensions between them starting in November 2019 that had nothing to do with Jikook as a couple but was affecting their dynamics anyway. I said I felt it was a period of JK trying to push back against the group putting a leash on them and censoring their interactions in public etc. I said I felt Jimin wasn't there with him- on the same page I mean and I tried to talk about GCF Helenski, MMA 2019 and all that Jazz.

I kept referring to JM as very Kumbaya in nature who would put the interest of the group above his or even JK's and would often shade him for it and joke about it. But after reading his Weverse magazine interview where he talked about doing things to please people because he wants to be loved- I don't find it funny anymore.

And I kept saying I felt JK was trying to assert himself against Jimin and the group. That Jikook in this period had been trying to assert themselves against eachother and against the group and I'm glad Jimin talked about trying not to be a people pleaser as much and focusing his energy on people who love him- I think I need to take his advice. I'm glad to see him show this level of growth and maturity but I don't trust him. Lol. He isn't exactly known to be one to keep the promises he makes to himself- if what the members say about him is anything to go by. Sigh. But I support this agenda. Self love is everything. You go Park Jimin!

Let's just hope he doesn't relapse because if he do he and Kook are gonna have a problem. In my opinion.

People often see JM as very nurturing of JK but JK pushes JM to be a better person too. That's one way he nurtures Jimin. And I don't have proof of this, but I believe in my heart of hearts based on everything I've seen and said so far about them, that Jikook make each other better individuals. They are perfect for eachother and I support them.

Just as JK, I think, pushes JM to be emotionally assertive, JM pushes JK to be emotionally vulnerable and less possessive- it seems of late.

If you missed all of that happening in the background then certainly On era would fly over your head too. So you can start there.

You can start reflecting on Jikook's moments as individuals who don't exist to feed ships, to try and understand the motivations behind their interactions as humans because that's what I do as an alt-shipper. And when I do and draw conclusions about them, those conclusions are not facts or meant to be. They are just my opinion. I could very much be wrong about them. But it is still my opinion. What's your opinion of them? Whatever it is, it's valid too.

Then there is the whole BigHit releasing content out of order thingy and so you would have to look at all of that and try and reconstruct those too- which is something I do a lot. It is why I haven't commented much on Jikook post JM's birthday. I simply haven't seen enough to theorize on the state of their relationship in this era. When I do I will post a comprehensive theory and analysis and ruffle some feathers while at it. Lol.

Ever wondered why in one moment JM seems to be leaning forward in their relationship, 'acting clingy," chasing JK and in the next JK is the one doing all clingy and the chasing? Their push and pull dynamics is it? Ever wondered why they have that going on with them? Or to you, that just happens?

It's not rhetorical I would like to know. Lol.

I think this trad vs Alt ship wars needs to stop. Let's stay out of eachother's business. It's not a competition. It's really not that deep. We can have our own biases but we can't battle it out with pens and keyboards because none of us know the truth about Jikook. Saying Jikook is not together is a theory just as much as saying Jikook are together. None is factual at all.

And if you believe they are together because believing they are human and can have issues will disrupt your fantasy of them then yikes- miss me with that. Tradship alert. Alexa play Jimin's sirens. Wwwuawwwuawwua. Lol.

And I get that to some people, it's their fantasies on the line, their egos on the line and they would want to protect these interests- but I'm not in the validation business. My ego is not on the line, my fantasies is not on the line. Jikook kills me as much as they heal me and guess what- I like it. Stock Holmes is real people. Lol.

Just do you. No one is right when it comes to Jikook. That's just the gist of it.

You talk about those moments as intimate... True. But intimacy to me is when Jimin, in a euphoric state turns instinctively to hug JK but stops himself as he did in the recent Grammy reaction video or even throughout the recent Runs- when he shot the hoop and won and turned around in excitement towards Kook but then didn't know what to do with himself. He is a physically affectionate person and he is used to a certain level of intimacy between him and Kook and that shows.

Intimacy is when JM reaches to kiss the top of JK's head but stops himself because he is in the middle of filming a run episode. Intimacy is JK reaching to touch Jimin in excitement, in Soop when they were playing puzzle or whatever, but stops himself because there are cameras filming.

You can't hide this kind of intimacy nor can you fake it. Your instincts will always give you away.

It's like that moment in the elevator from Bangtan Bomb when the doors were closing and Jimin was left behind and when JK noticed Jimin was not in there with them he panicked and yelled for them to stop the door from closing or something but it was too late. Probably pouted and glared at whoever didn't hold the door open for Jimin throughout that right- poor Kookie. Lmho.

Or when Jimin yelled at JK when JK was contemplating whether or not to join Jimin's team in Bon V or Run I don't remember which lol. He seemed like he had reached his limits there- now if you would excuse me, I have tears to shed.

When they exhibit these involuntary reactions in certain moments I think it speaks more of how close they really are and the level of intimacy between them not when they play hide and seek in a middle of an interview- that just shows they are goofy. It's nothing TaeJin haven't done or wouldn't do. Jin and Tae do same too. I mean they tried to kiss or whatever they were trying to do during the dynamite MV reaction VLive. I wouldn't say that is proof Taejin are dating eachother too.

But when one of them can't exercise a right of authority over the other like they often do when they are together together, or when they are not claiming eachother, minding their boundaries like they usually do most times, reassuring eachother when one of them clearly is seeking reassurance and validation or closeness or when the others around them suddenly stop respecting the right of authority either one of them has over the other- then that is a sign because all of these and a lot more I can't even get into is what makes them a couple. In my point of view and opinion.

Jikook are friends and lovers. They were friends before lovers. They were interacting and goofing around and trying to kiss and what not too when they were just friends. They were doing all of that before they starting getting into eachother- that's not a metaphor.

Unless, you mean to tell me they started dating from day dot? In which case I have no words. Skinship is not a sign Jikook is real.

Jikook is real, they try to play off most of their interactions as fanservice but they are real. And for Jimin, because 'the boy in love with the Maknae' is also a key aspect of his persona and a facade he hides behind to love JK, it's easy for him to act it up for the cameras.

Most people see this persona of Jimin too and I think it is why they dismiss his feelings for JK as bro love or even claim Jikook is fanservice. That what Jimin feels for JK is fanservice and they could be right but I just don't believe or share that view simply because I see what they see and more. You may not see that aspect of Jimin but that doesn't mean others don't. Perspective is everything.

It's why I said if you look at JM's way of expressing himself as the sole indicator that Jikook is real and prefer his way of expressing himself over that of Kookie that you've been played.

It takes two to tango. JK is part of that dynamic and he is also expressing his feelings for JM too- in a different less loud way. Jikook is not one sided. Jimin cannot be the only one carrying their relationship on his back. His feelings for Kook is not unrequited. Jimin just over expresses himself sometimes. Jk doesn't express himself enough but when he does it is much more louder and intense than Jimin- I'd say in my opinion but fuck it. I'm tired.

That kind of intimacy between Jikook is something I would consider with high regard in deciding whether or not two people are dating and not just their skinship or interactions. But to each his own.

BTS in general are a very intimate group. You can expect a certain level of closeness and familiarity between them- all of them including Jikook. But that in no way indicate they are dating eachother. Please, your honor. Thank you. Lol.

May be you should go back and reevaluate the timeline with the new content we've got and the new information and try not to latch on to the good stuff but critically examine all the questionable moments that happened within that time frame because dismissing all those clues is how Tae Kook is real and Yoonmin is real and VMin is real- ok not VMin, Tae wants him some piece of Jibooty but let's not talk about that. Lol.

If Tae kook is real it's unrequited, if VMin is real it's unrequited. If Jikook is real it's mutual and I can't be mad at that- it feels random but those who sent those asks would understand. Lol.

Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real. By real I mean HUMAN. Deuces.

Signed,

GOLDY

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taenohana · 3 years

Text

BTS is hypocritical (tw: depression, self-harm)

Okay, before anyone come at me and scream at me or accuse me of being a hater, hear me out. I realize the title may come off somewhat click-baity, but I promise you I have nothing but immense love towards the boys, and that I choose this title because it fits the whole essay I'm about to write.

Today, I went on a spree, reading opinions about why people dislike BTS or find them arrogant, and there is something I've noticed being mentioned a lot. That's right. It's that BTS is hypocritical.

Now most of the arguments are about them not practicing what they preach, most especially about "Love Yourself" and "Speak Yourself." This bothers me a lot because all eventually boils down to "They shouldn't tell people to love themselves if they themselves can't do it."

Let me tell you why this bothers me so, so much.

Basically, BTS is advocating for self-love and for voicing yourself and to speak up. The problem is they themselves are just 7 young men who haven't even reached 30 of age. As you can see in Burn the Stage or during Jin's speech that they almost disbanded, anyone can tell that they too struggle. Some members even spoke up about depression. Apparently, some people have said that this is somewhat hypocritical of them.

Now, I have issues with this sentiment because this screams like "You are not fit to spread positive messages if you can't practice it yourself." And of course, toxic positivity does exist. But let me speak a bit more about myself here. I have been for the past few months relapsing with my depression and anxiety, and I have been experiencing many, many panic attacks. While I recall some of my most depressive years to come from last year, and I had gotten better earlier this year, I have been relapsing. Not as bad as one year ago, but I'm certainly not well. And I hate toxic positivity, believe me, I do. With that being said, there's something I discovered this year.

I've found out that it hurts me when I see others going through the same thing as I am or even more. Someone reached out to me when I contemplated hurting myself even more, and ever since I have been thankful to her for just that bit of light/warmth that she gave me. It might not last as long as I'd have liked but it gave me hope. Ever since, whenever I see someone else struggling, I feel the urge to reach out, to be there for them, to console them, in any way I could.

From there, I've gained many lovely friends who are always there, whom I can rely upon, whenever I relapse, whenever I just need a shoulder to cry on. And it is all based on mutual respect and admiration and just the raw feeling of caring for one another, something that should be our basic instinct as human beings, where we help each other when we see someone is hurting. I did not come to them or reach out so that they owe me something in return and so be there for me when I need them. And they did not approach me just so I owe them and be there for them. We are simply there for each other, hoping the both of us will come out better than yesterday.

Basically what I'm saying here is, am I not fit to console others, to tell my friends that they deserve love, that I wish they learn how to love themselves, just because I myself am struggling with those things as well? Just because I have trouble loving myself, am I not allowed to tell my friends they deserve being capable of self-love? Just because BTS are struggling themselves, are they not allowed to spread positive message to love oneself?

And it's such a bizarre thing because apparently people were shocked when Burn the Stage came out or when Jin said they were going to disband. Some were surprised because "Turns out they're not as happy as they make themselves appear to be."

This shocked me even more.

How? How did people not realize that they have always been struggling? Must Jin declare it first or must there be a whole documentary exposing their strife as a group for people to realize that they're human, and always have been? Especially for older fans, surely you know how much they struggled. Especially for fans watching all their content, surely you could sense whenever one of them is unhappy or is struggling. The signs are always there. All we need is to pay attention.

Anyway, with this shock/revelation came the questions and doubts. Now the same people saying they were shocked to find out the reality (which has always been there tbh, which was one reason I didn't cry much watching Burn the Stage because I thought "This is nothing new? I somehow knew that it's more or less like this behind the scenes."), now are saying "So they have been struggling all along? If so, why do they preach these things to love oneself? Why do they not practice it?"

Simple. The answer is simple:

It is hard.

Yes, it is an irony that it's simple because we all know how hard it is. We have all been there, telling our loved ones they deserve everything in the world, yet when it comes to ourselves? It's hard to see that we deserve it just as much.

BTS are no different. They were 7 boys, struggling to make their name, as they notice the struggles around them and wishing they could also voice out their concern and reach out to us, hoping it will console us and comfort us. Just like when we tell our friends we are there for them. That they deserve love and happiness.

Naturally, what comes after "Why are they not practicing what they preach?" is the question "Why are they not speaking out?"

Now that they've shown explicitly that they, too, struggle (which should be our common sense anyway once we stop and remind ourselves that they, too, are humanbeings like us), some people are wondering why they don't speak out more or explain what is troubling them or caused them to struggle. Now that we have Burn the Stage and Jin saying they almost disbanded, some people are beginning to wonder: why?

Why were they fighting? Why did they almost disband? What were they struggling against? What were troubling them? All these questions with the ultimate conclusion being: if they tell people to speak up, they should speak up.

Another hypocrisy.

Again, I will draw from my own personal experience. See, I think we as humanbeings are complex. We want to be understood, yet at the same time most of the time we don't let people see our bare selves to be fully understood. I personally do this because of two reasons. One, I don't want to add burden to others, making them worry about me. Two, sometimes I don't think anyone will ever understand what I'm going through. Moreover, sometimes I do know the answers to my own struggles, and I simply just can't apply them. In this case, I don't see the point of talking out my problems.

Now, there were so many moments in which I "signalled" to my friends I felt unloved and that I was going through an episode, and they would come to me telling me I could talk to them, and that they were there for me. Most of my responses? You guessed it. I'd love to talk about it but I don't know how.

I don't know how.

Questions were spinning in my head. "Would you be able to understand it? Is it worth speaking about? Aren't you going through something bad, maybe even worse than me? Would I sound annoying, whiny, attention-seeking? Once I open up, would you find me as non-reliable? Would you then stop relying on me and talking to me about your problems? Would things change? Would talking about it fix anything? Would I feel better afterwards? Would you feel burdened to give an advice or solution? Is it even necessary, especially now that I'm slightly better and no longer having an episode? Should I still tell you what happened anyway?"

Of course, some were easier to talk to because maybe in the back of my mind I knew they once went through something very similar that I felt like they could understand. Some were harder because while we were close, I had never opened up to them (and you do realize opening up the first time to someone is a tough thing to do), and some of course I just know are going through even worse (or at least more immediate problems) that I couldn't bring myself to speak up.

For this. It is not that simple. To speak up is not that simple. Does that mean I'm against speaking up? Of course not. I will always still encourage people to speak up when they feel silenced. It's important.

However, it's equally important to understand that each of us has our own pace. Not everyone can open up as fast as the next person. And it's always good to offer lending someone an ear without forcing words out of their mouth. Trust me. Once you tell someone you're there for them and you're willing to listen, people will talk when they are ready.

Another thing is about privacy.

It's no secret that BTS is often dubbed as being "woke" or "real," whatever those words actually mean. This is not something they claim themselves, but rather it's something that fans and some media have pushed on them. Now this makes people think, if they are so real, why are they not speaking up about their experiences and how they are also manufactured in some ways? How they put on happy faces and act like their life is going swell, and that they love their life?

First of all, we all wear masks. Not a single one of us show our real selves. Since I'm going impromptu here, I might be inaccurate about this philosophy but the gist is that we all have different masks we wear towards certain people or in certain situations. And there's one mask we never show to anyone. A mask only we have ever seen. This thing doesn't just apply to idols.

Secondly, again, to reiterate my previous points, the boys are not always happy. Pay attention, and you will know. And they don't always act like they're happy and that they love their life. Once again, once you realize they're humans just like us, you will find out that that is far from the truth. I think it should be enough for us to know that they struggled and that they are trying themselves to be better and to improve, and that some of the problems have already been resolved. As fans, all we have to be is be there for them when they do want to speak up more. Otherwise, they do have the right to keep it between them, and we should respect their privacy, just as we won't force our loved ones to talk about what's bothering them. Just simply be there when they want to be heard.

Another ridiculous thing to add here is that people will always find fault. If they genuinely love their life, people will say, "Oh of course they're happy. They're rich and successful now." OR "How hypocritical of them to be happy of their rich and success when they used to diss capitalism and suchs. They should be more considerate towards those who are suffering and not act so carefree and happy with their lives."

However, let's say they openly show how depressed or troubled they are, people will still talk. "How are they not happy? Why? That is very arrogant and and ungrateful of them since they have everything they've ever dreamed of now." OR "How can they preach about self-love when they cannot love themselves for who they are and what they have now. They're being hypocrites."

Here I also like to underline "arrogant," it has come to my attention that many people find them to be "empty" or "arrogant." And I'm gonna be honest. Before I got to know them, they also appeared arrogant to me. But then I realised, there are many groups who seemed arrogant to me before I learned about them more. As soon as I got to know them, I could see that they, like most others, are just dorks. Of course, there are some actual arrogant idols, but my point is people shouldn't judge before getting to know someone or a group.

I have been a victim of the same thing due to my naturally resting bitch face. If I don't smile, people automatically assume I'm a stuck-up bitch. This has even impacted my academic life in which I was rejected from an organization because I was "too arrogant." So think before you judge.

Another thing is "empty." I admit I have fallen out of love with their music for the last two years until BE came out, reminding me of why I love them. And I admit, I, too, have thought of the same thing. I thought their music no longer spoke to me and is "too bright or optimistic or positive" to me. As I've mentioned, I hate toxic positivity. And it might've crossed my mind that they were heading towards that, which was why I started to lose interest. I still love them, don't get me wrong, I just didn't resonate with the messages or feel of their newer music.

However, I can see that there's nothing wrong with that. After BE, I see that they are still the same lovely boys who helped me through my depression. And as much as I miss their older music which I find to be more relatable, their newer music which has a more positive/optimistic vibes aren't so bad. As much as I wish they make music like they used to, it's a nice change. Now they have music that just feels good and suits me just fine on better days.

Empty? Of course. Just like in Black Swan, they express how they're falling out of love with music. Of course, they feel empty. As someone who writes and love stories, I relate. Why? It's relatable since stories or writing no longer excite me the way they used to. This is a real struggle that every artist (or at least most) go through. It's a period of emptiness, of losing your passion, of no longer enjoying something you love with all your heart. It is something familiar for people with depression.

So you could look at it this way. They, too, are going through things a lot of people do. They are, after all, human beings. Something interesting I found during one of the interviews is one of the members (I think RM) saying that it seems as if their moods or life or experiences suit the album they were making.

This is to say that they struggled with self-love when they made Love Yourself series. Or how they feel that during the making of Map of the Soul series, they feel like they're losing their roots (hip-hop or their angsty and "woke" messages in music), questioning who they really are, whether they still fit as musicians and what their messages for people in the world should be.

I would like to close this essay just by saying that I understand why people are viewing BTS this way. It is a valid opinion, and I won't discredit nor disrespect that. Even so, I hope people would come to understand more that being depressed or struggling doesn't necessarily mean one cannot spread positive messages and comfort others. And that speaking out isn't easy and shouldn't be forced. Encourage people to speak, to open up. Reassure them that we will never devalue their words, that we will listen and try to understand. But never force them to speak. They could be uncomfortable yet, they could be not ready yet. Even so, I promise you it's very comforting and appreciated to know someone will be there, ready to hear, when one is ready to speak.

Also, never judge someone based on how they look, learn and get to know about them more, and understand that people only show what they want to show: idols, us, everyone, we all have masks.

Let us learn to appreciate the good things in life, including BTS' messages and try to apply it in our lives while also understanding that they're humans like us, not angels. Understand that probably one of the reasons they find it hard to practice what they preach is exactly because people look up to them and expect them to be better at what they preach. That one of the reasons they struggle and put on a facade is exactly because they feel it's what expected of them. And perhaps they just don't want to disappoint us fans and distress us, doing their best to entertain us and distract us from our evil thoughts.

Finally, let's be humans. Let's be kind to each other. Let's be there for each other. Let's try to listen and pay attention more, and try to understand each other. Let's help each other and encourage each other to speak about our struggles while still respecting boundaries and privacy. Let's take one baby step towards a better future, towards making this world a better place to live.

Thank you for making it this far.

- Hana 💮

#depression tw #self harm tw #rm #namjoon #jin #seokjin #suga #yoongi #jhope #hoseok #jimin #taehyung #v #jungkook #jk #bts #about bts #important #hana's thoughts

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1266

Retaking this survey I took nearly exactly a year ago, which would be around the time of one of the lowest points in my life. A lot has changed and I’m *so much* happier these days, but it doesn’t hurt to revisit and acknowledge the emotions I went through then.

Are you afraid of lifts? 2020: I only feel afraid if I’m the only person riding the elevator. If I ever got locked inside I’d always feel a lot better if there’s at least one other person stuck with me. Otherwise I try not to be too bothered by lifts. 2021: Yeah, as much as possible I would still only get in if someone else was also planning to get in; elevators that are also visibly old and unmaintained tend to scare me away, too. But generally, riding the elevator isn’t a phobia of mine.

Who did you last talk to in person? Is that person attractive? 2020: That would be my mom and yes, I think she’s very attractive. Not in that way of course, but you know what I mean. She looks very young for her age and we always get mistaken as sisters. 2021: My dad. Sure, I think he looks okay.

Have you ever had a deep, personal conversation with a stranger? 2020: As much as possible I don’t like having deep conversations with someone I barely know, but sometimes I can’t escape the situation and I end up being a part of those talks. The nicest conversation I had was with a client during my first internship – he has his own company now, but over breakfast he told me about his struggles, his old unfulfilling 9-5 job, and gave me so much valuable life advice. He was so genuine and so nice and at that time I stopped minding the fact that he was a stranger and I’d most likely never encounter him again. 2021: Ooh I remember that. Yeah, he was lovely to talk to and I definitely have not encountered anyone with stories like his ever since. Anyway, I’ve grown to be a lot more extroverted over the past year so I certainly wouldn’t mind a conversation with a stranger, as long as they haven’t established themselves as a creep or pervert.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your own appearance? Why? 2020: Probably an 8. I don’t have a problem with my physical features for the most part, but I don’t like my front teeth and that my body hair is thicker and grows more quickly than average. Those are the two things that mess with my self-esteem the most, and the two factors that took out the missing two points. 2021: 9. I still have the same points for self-esteem issues; but I’ve embraced them slightly more over the last year.

Who was the last person to send you a message on Facebook? When was the last time you saw that person? 2020: Rita. I probably saw her sometime in early March. Maybe during a board meeting for our org before the lockdown was implemented. 2021: Angela. Sometime mid-July, I think? when we went to the BTS pop-up store together with Reena and Hans. I might see her again next week for her birthday. I have to see her reaction when she opens up the present I plan to get her.

If you decided, at this moment in time, that you were going to make a sandwich, what would you put on it? 2020: Assuming my hypothetical pantry is full, I would go for a southern-style chicken sandwich with chicken breast and spicy mayo. My stomach just rumbled, what have you doneeeeee 2021: Holy shit that sounds so fucking good right now. Can I just steal my own answer? Spicy crunchy chicken sandwiches are the shit.

Are you good at controlling your emotions, or do you tend to let them get the better of you? 2020: It’s 50/50 at best. Sometimes I let self-control win since it’s usually the most responsible choice and it’s also to avoid drama, but there are days where I recognize that self-care is just as important and so I allow myself a healthy release whether the release is one of sadness or resentment or anything else. Repressing my emotions and letting them bubble up over time isn’t healthy, either. 2021: I’m a lot better at it now. I think I have done a lot of growing and maturing and processing over the last year, and I don’t get into dramatic outbursts nor repress my feelings too much anymore. Whenever I feel deeply I let the emotions stay, but I also know when I need to reach out and seek help.

At this moment in time, what do you want the most? 2020: Normalcy. 2021: At this moment in time, I wish I could go back to when I took this survey and reassure the me then that everything was going to turn out absolutely fine. But right now I wish I also had sushi.

How many times have you cried over the person you love/like? 2020: Too many. 2021: I don’t love anyone in that sense.

How exactly are you feeling right now? Why do you feel the way you do? 2020: I haven’t been feeling anything in particular these days. To be honest, I’ve just been doing a lot of…floating around, existing, trying to make it to the end of the day unscathed. I believe I’m feeling this way because there’ve been a lot of major life changes happening and I simply wasn’t prepared to deal with all of them simultaneously. 2021: Jesus Christ that was brutal to read. How the fuck did I...manage? Anyway, right nooooow I feel quite content because a new episode of Run BTS came out and I really enjoyed it!! I also feel cozy because it’s actually quite cold tonight, so it’s making me feel sleepy faster than I would like lol. What’s the relationship status of the last person that put their arms around you? 2020: She’s been married for the last 23 years to my dad. 2021: He’s been married for the last 24 years to my mom.

Has the last person you held hands with, ever told you that they love you? 2020: Yeah. 2021: ^ Gross. But yeah to answer this question in 2021 – yes she has, in a platonic, sisterly way. We say it all the time.

Is there someone you used to hang out with all the time, and now you don’t anymore? If so, do you ever miss that person? Why do you think your relationship changed? 2020: Sure, Sofie’s the first person I thought of because we used to be the best of friends. We simply grew apart when college started, since she studied in Manila and I was all the way in another city. It would’ve been too difficult to keep up the friendship with both of us also starting to have different goals and priorities, as well as new friends. I miss her sometimes, but I’m not desperate to see her anytime soon. I’m sad to see our relationship fizzle out the way it did, but we’re both pretty happy and have been doing well and that’s enough for me. 2021: I stopped hanging out with Aya because she is an abusive piece of shit, and I obviously value my friendship with Jo far more than tolerating an abuser and keeping them around in my life. As for missing her, no, not really. I’ve always found it easy to cut people off and wipe out the positive sentiments I would use to have about a person.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘H’? What color are that person’s eyes? 2020: I don’t know a lot of H people so it was probably Hannah even though I haven’t talked to her in a while. Her eyes are dark brown/black, like nearly every Filipino. 2021: Hans. Same, dark brown/black.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘M’? How did you meet that person? 2020: OMG this was so tough to think about. The only person I can think of is Angela but that’s only because her first name is actually Maria. We met on the first day of 1st grade, back in 2005. I accidentally stabbed her with a newly-sharpened pencil and made her palm bleed, and for some insane reason a lifelong friendship was established that day. 2021: Macky. He’s a coworker but is a couple of positions above me. At first I took issue with my workplace not using honorifics, but when I learned it was a tactic to get everyone comfortable with one another, I soon got used to it.

The person you love/like is offered a job in another country. Would you let them go, or try and convince them to stay? 2020: Let them, because that was what we agreed on. 2021: No matter my feelings towards the situation, I would never interfere and ask them to stay.

Is there anyone you dislike so much, that you actually can’t stand to be around them? 2020: Back in college I hated being anywhere near a frat guy. They all had the same vibe, had the same fashion sense, used the same slang, had the same shitty work ethic so I always knew whenever one was nearby. 2021: One of my uncles, who I believe has COVID literally right now because he refused to get a vaccine. Can’t say I feel awful.

When was the last time you wanted to cry, but didn’t, because you didn’t want to show that you were upset? Why? 2020: I’ve been hiding my emotions and my tears from my family the whole month because we’re not a showy family when it comes to our feelings. We deal with our emotions privately, in our own bedrooms. 2021: Like two weeks ago when my teacher in my Korean classes shared a song recommendation with us and it turned out to be this really emotional, introspective song about dealing with life anxieties. It was beautifully sung and I nearly cried, and the only reason I didn’t was because I was in a virtual class full of strangers and I wasn’t about to start bawling my eyes out in such a situation lol.

If you found out that someone had been talking about you behind your back, would you confront them? 2020: I probably only would if they’ve always been super nice to me to my face but talking shit about me if I’m not around. It would be something I’d want to get into the bottom of. 2021: Depends on who the person is and if I think they’re worth my energy or not.

Which do you think is worse - saying something and then wishing you hadn’t, or not saying something and wishing you had? 2020: I hate nothing more than being too afraid to say something and then never having the space to say it again. That’s the type of regret that stays with me and keeps me up at night. 2021: I still go with the latter.

Do you know anyone who seems almost incapable of showing their emotions? 2020: I wouldn’t say I know anyone exactly like this, but I know of people who have built a great big wall around themselves and are super defensive when it comes to their emotions in a way that you’ll never know if they’re going through something. The first person I thought of was JM. 2021: My dad is extremely unexpressive. I guess I can say I kinda get it - he has to keep up his image as the father of the house and all - but I hope he has his own, healthy ways of processing his emotions, even if they have to be done in private.

What are 3 things that are guaranteed to make you smile, or put you in a good mood? 2020: Good Mythical Morning, seeing my orgmates, and driving. Driving seems to put me in a really good mood these days, though that’s likely because I haven’t had to do it as often as I used to. 2021: BTS, my dogs, and talking to Angela and Reena.

Do you look more like your mum or your dad? 2020: I’m a carbon copy of my mom, I’ve been told more times than I can count. 2021: Well yeah, that hasn’t changed.

When was the last time you saw your grandparents? 2020: I last saw my paternal grandparents in February; with my maternal grandma, two Thursdays ago. I have not seen my maternal grandpa since June or July 2015. 2021: Start of August for my maternal grandma; and I believe it was June when we most recently visited my dad’s parents. I visited my maternal grandpa at his columbarium slot during his birthday last year.

Have you ever felt really attracted to someone, but been deterred because you found out they didn’t have a very nice personality? 2020: No. If I get attracted to someone, that means I’ve already decided that they’re attractive on all fronts, including their attitudes and personality. 2021: ^ That is such a damn lie lmao. I remember getting attracted to this boy Lance from high school and thinking he was so cute and that I should probably try my chances with him...but I immediately got turned off when I noticed how he was slightly immature for his age and I stopped pursuing him immediately.

Have you ever hugged/kissed someone you’d only just met? 2020: Probably when I was out drinking, yes. 2021: ^ That’s true but that only goes for hugging.

Where is the person you would most like to see/be with? 2020: There is no such person. 2021: All my friends and best friends are at home. At least they should be at this hour, lmao.

When was the last time you bought a CD/DVD? Which one was it? 2020: The last CD I bought was Beyoncé’s self-titled album, but I can’t remember if I bought it in late 2013 or early 2014. 2021: ^ 2020-me had no idea :’) Anyway, the last DVD I placed an order for was Map of the Soul ON:E, though I’m not getting that until October. The last thing I was able to successfully receive was my Butter CD set.

Have you ever gone against someone’s advice and then regretted it? 2020: I don’t usually ask my friends for advice since I don’t want to possibly be the jerk that asks for advice but goes against them. I’ve always just gone with whatever I think is best for myself. 2021: I guess I’m still the same as I found myself agreeing to those two sentences.

Would you ever apologize for something that wasn’t your fault? 2020: Welcome to my life. 2021: Before, I used to. I won’t let shit like that pass now.

What’s been the best thing about your day so far? 2020: I’ve done a good share of self-care activities today…I actually got up in bed and have been taking surveys, I ate a lot for breakfast, I took a shower, and fixed myself a cup of coffee. The bar has been set very low since August obviously, but considering I’ve been skipping out on a great deal of activities that used to make me happy, I’m just glad I accomplished several today. It’s the little joys, guys. 2021: Getting good feedback from my boss on a deck I had to work on all day today. Also the new episode of Run BTS, aka my favorite thing about Tuesdays.

Has anyone ever cried in your arms before? 2020: I can only recall one person who’s done this. 2021: Sure.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘C’? Is that person older or younger than you? 2020: Tina, but her full name is Christina so she counts. I keep forgetting she’s a year older than me. 2021: Coco. Yeah, I believe so.

Do you keep a lot of things from your parents? 2020: Yes. They know my good side - my awards, achievements, job prospects, all the shiny stuff they can be proud of. They don’t need to know how mentally fucked their firstborn actually is, because it’s not like they’d know how to deal with all that weight. 2021: Yes.

Who was the last person you confided in? Do you regret it? 2020: Angela. Not at all. She’s been my rock for the last 15 years. 2021: Andi, and no. I trust them with my whole life and then some.

What was the last film you watched, that you hadn’t seen before? What kind of film was it? What did you think of it? 2020: I’m Thinking of Ending Things is a psychological thriller. It’s not for the faint of heart, especially those who’ve been feeling depressed and/or existential lately. It certainly didn’t make me feel good and I wish I could unwatch it, not because it was bad but because it was a bit too triggering. 2021: Be With You; it’s a Korean film that’s mostly romance but with a super super slight tinge of fantasy if you squint your eyes hard enough. I loved it a lot; both the leads are sooooooooo pretty to look at and the kid is a fantastic actor. I also cried a lot, but I do think the ending could’ve been executed better as it felt rushed.

Have you ever had an argument with the last person you hugged/kissed? 2020: Lots. 2021: Nothing more than extremely petty fights, the last of which we had approximately 12 years ago.

Using one word only, describe the day you’ve had so far. 2020: Lonely. 2021: Routine.

#survey #surveys

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oncloud999 · 4 years

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Jikook - an essay apparently

Ok I have a lot of thoughts lately and no where else to express them.

I’m a fairly new fan and while some of my friend irl know about this, its too embarrassing for someone of my age to still be into shipping or whatever, so no that’s not getting out there...

anyway. So i only joined the fandom maybe mid last year and initially didn’t ship anyone cos I’m honestly over that. But then I thought V and kook looked cute together so I looked into their stuff a bit. I still didn’t really ship them but did have a preference for the two of them together, more like bros and bffs rather than anything romantic because i just don’t get that vibe from them. I do have a friend in real life (who’s actually korean... ) who was into JiKook being a couple which I thought was odd because a lot of the shipping things come from their skinship and I thought she’d be less affected by it cos she’s korean but....

anyway, even when i was more into vkook, i saw a lot of jimin and jungkook together that did make me raise my eyebrows. like their firework vid and the pics and vids of them spending time together after concerts. i also did come across some photos of jimin and jungkook hanging out. i also watched a few jikook analysis videos and scoffed at them because honestly, you can make them out of anybody if you focus on certain things.

anyway, fastforward to a few days ago, i don’t even remember what i was doing, but somehow i started seeing jimin and jungkook together as something more than just friends or bros. I mean whatever relationship they have, it’s clearly very special. you don’t plan your world trip during your long awaited holiday around your friend’s bdays unless they’re REALLY special. Jimin flew across the world to be with jk for his birthday before the next leg of his trip. i mean, yes, you can argue that he needed to come back to pack or whatever, but there are easier ways to do it than coming back for 1 night and then flying off again. he could’ve flown from paris to hawaii directly.

so to keep my sanity, i need to somewhere to write out why and why not i think they’re a couple or whatever...

Reasons why I think they’re a couple

- they’re super close. they definitely hang out outside of their group activities and enjoy spending time with each other. as previously stated, jk obviously means a lot to jimin for him to plan his trip around jk’s birthday. they always talk about hanging out late into the night

- their tokyo trip and gcf. i’m not even going to go into it cos people have already talked enough about it, including the two of them. it especially means a lot cos jk obviously doesn’t like travelling all that much

- even before a couple of days ago, i have noticed sometimes namjoon getting in between the two of them when they’re being a little too flirtatious

- their onscreen flirting is something else. like you can see it as fanservice, but the two of them get so into it and what gets me the most is when jimin gets super shy and giggly about it and then sometimes have to walk away from jk. there are also moments that are not specifically on screen that’s very odd. like when they were in that run bts ep in canada and rm suddenly asked them if they were a couple cos they’re wearing matching clothes. and it’s not even like that time jin asked where it was directly in front of the camera. they were literally having a conversation in the background when whoever it was was playing that keeping your eyes open game and they were just taking photos in the back.

- they are way more into touching each other than any other members. like jimin especially will hug and touch the other members, especially taehyung, but it’s never the hanging off each other, purposely seeking each other out on a huge stage for some contact sort of thing. jin and jk are also really touchy but they’re so bro about it

- taehyung... if they are a couple, i would peg tae and jhope as the two who definitely know. taehyung during that one vlive where he was like, jimin wants to come, but i think jk won’t let him... at 1 am in the morning. also see below the uncertain section

- during their earlier days, jm clearly seems to have a crush on jk and jk seemed to very purposefully avoid that. they seem comfortable with each other now but defnitely there was a time that it got awkward when jm talks about how much he likes jk or wants to kiss him or go on a date with him. it could all be for fanservice again, but then he was kind of hurt when jk would not play along.

- jm softens so obviously when it comes to jk. it’s not just the occasional fan accounts or whatever, like when they say that jm is a hard ass until jk comes along and he softens. when he did that v live with rm, the moments when he’s softest is when he was talking about practicing with jk. the only other person he’s soft with is taehyung but even then it’s not that often

- jm sharing friends with jk. when they went out around town in london with jm’s friends. they are clearly jm’s friends and jk just tagged along... apparently, jm doesn’t like sharing his friends? but apparently it’s ok for jk. even if they’re like brothers, i don’t really take my brother around with my friends... and if jk wants to see london as well, i’m sure he could’ve gone with one of the other members or the managers like how they sometimes do when it’s just one of them going to do something. i would personally find it more awkward hanging out with my friend’s friends than people i already hang out with

Reasons why i don’t think they’re a couple

- it’s all too in your face. if it’s real, i wonder if they wouldn’t try to hide it better. or maybe they think the fans just think it’s fanservice anyway... it’s hard to tell. if it wasn’t so in your face sometimes, i would be less skeptical

- they still seem very bro-y to me a lot of time. like jimin seems to take care of jk a lot and the way he takes care of him is far more motherly/older brother

this list seems short but i think they’re both very important points.

anyway onto points that are maybe... because it’s speculation

- they may both have girlfriend. there’s definitely been rumours about both. and some more reliable than others. the one thing that goes against either having a girlfriend more recently is.... jm going on a trip around the world with his friends. if he did have a girlfriend or partner, you would think he would want to spend whatever time he has off with them, especially cos their holidays are so infrequent. and if you want to make the point that maybe his gf was busy, well, you would still try to spend whatever little time you ahve with them rather than going around the globe (again) with your friends. the only reason you wouldn’t stay in one place to spend a lot of time with them is if... you already spend a lot of time with them when you’re working lol. jk did have that maybe-maybe-not girlfriend during that time. i think if it was something, then it’s probably over now (poor girl, she was bombarded...) and it clearly means jk didn’t have anyone at the time. or she really was just a friend and it was blown out of proportion (again poor girl if she was dragged into this for nothing...). long story short. they’re either a couple together or they don’t have anyone in the recent past at least. we don’t know. but also there’s that clip from 2018 where jm was trying to convince jk to go on a trip with him around the time of jk’s birthday but jk refused. lol

- the whole jk/jm sharing rooms, hiding in each other’s room sagas... it definitely seems like there’s other people in the room when they do their lives sometimes. especially the ones that people have pointed out like osaka with taehyung and that one time after eat jin last year when everyone crashed the party when jk was throwing a fit. interestingly, that is also one of the most uncomfortable vlives i’ve seen when it was just jk and jm at the beginning. the chastised and shy look on jm when the camera first panned to him, the weird looks, the funny touches. like what, i felt like i had to give them their alone time. and then the doorbell. now going back to why i think tae knows. in both these cases and another one (that i don’t know the time of), tae comes and refuses to leave when jk clearly asks him why he’s there and when he would go. (the one last year especially makes me want to laugh so badly cos jm esp was trying so hard to get everyone to leave). he’s probably trolling them by giving them grief. anyway, there are a lot of analysis videos etc on youtube. i won’t go into it further

- them rings. the rings they apparently bought in tokyo and still wear together or separately to this day. they definitely have them and they definitely wear them. again it could just be “friendship rings” but... yeah.

- sharing clothes. a popular trope of why people are together. i mean jk and tae actually seem to share the style of clothes more but they tend to have their own (like those modern hanboks, they both have them and don’t seem to be sharing). where as jm and jk apparently actually share clothes... again could be bro behaviour or whatever, but then why doesn’t tae and jk share? they’re definitely more similar in built and style.

- lately there seems to be a lot of taekook. apparently i just read that there’s been a lot of noises from taekook fans and maybe homophobic fans to bighit to try to get jikook to tone it down. and obviously there’s been a few times that jk’s behaviour has upset taehyung’s fans especially (and tae himself lol) so maybe it’s to make amends for that... they were really going at it at the golden disc and grammys. but even their more touchy stuff on stage like during bwl perfs during the concerts, their touches don’t seem very flirty.

as to whetehr i think the rest of bts knows... i think they suspect but as i said before i think only tae and jhope knows for sure. jhope cos he’s pretty close to both of them and tae because he constantly seems to be trolling. but jin, rm and suga... maybe they suspect or just think jk is that friend that hates people getting close to their best bud, but who knows. rm maybe knows more recently because he’s definitely coming between them more.

will we ever know. probably not. not while they’re popular and not while their country (or the world) is still so homophobic and don’t like their 40 year old celebrities to be in a relationship. maybe one day, we’ll hear that even after they’ve stopped promoting as a band, they’re still housemates or whatever. but that’s probably the most “confirmation” we will ever get. but as long as they’re happy, i just really hate seeing them sad. i just wish the world was less toxic towards them. or the world needs to be less toxic in general.

the relationship i enjoy the most within bts is actually the one between jin and jungkook cos they are actually hilarious and chaotic together, but somehow jikook seems to have more of a romantic edge to their interaction.

even if they’re not a couple, they definitely have a very strong bond and very close. whatever it is, they’re clearly special to each other beyond being friends or bandmates. maybe it’s better if they’re friends because couples break up but friends rarely do...

anyway, this turned out much longer than i expected but i’m glad to have put my thought into some kind of coherent-ness... and off i go onto the delulu train.

#jk #jm #jikook #kookmin

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noonaduck · 5 years

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BTS - Sweet Dreams pt.2

Pairing: OT7 x reader Gendre: Fantasy AU, fluff, smut(?), angst words: 1292 Summary: Eight dreams and eight powers, tied together. Would they fall or would they rise? Y/N had seen dreams about seven men as long as she could remember. Namjoon was a regular guy who worked in a small bookstore. Jin has finally reached his dream and opened his very own cafe. Yoongi was a heir with future which was already planned for him. Jimin and Hoseok were partners in everything what they did in their life. Jungkook was an artist with complicated past. Taehyung was a knot which bonded them all.Together they all were a circle with awakening powers.

A/N: I’m not native English speaker so bare with my mistakes and errors. I hope that you enjoy my work anyway :)

-ch. is edited with major changes, reread is recommended.

1. < 2. > 3.

[gifs belongs to their rightful owners]

Jimin's Pov. The last note of song played from stereos and Jimin fell panting on the ground. He and His good friend Hoseok, or Hobi, has been practicing new dance moves for a whole morning. They were at local dance studio where Hoseok was working as dance teacher. Jimin could see his reflection from mirror, he was covered in sweat and his hair was damp on his forehead. He did not feel so attractive at the moment. Three of four studio's walls were all covered in mirrors and the wall where the door is located was covered in graffiti. It was work of some local artist who's works Jimin has seen before in local art gallery. ''Do you think that we are ready for today?'' Jimin asks and looks at his friend who is drinking water from water bottle. You could see his Adam’s apple move when he took big gulps from his drink. Hoseok grins. ''I was thinking that we should go trough the routine one more time if you are up for it?'' He asks hopefully. ''Fine, but if we win the competition you need to reward me.'' Jimin sighs and stands up. Honestly he wanted to win as much as Hoseok did but he wouldn't admit that out loud. ''It's a deal.'' Hoseok agrees with knowing smirk. * Jimin feels relived when he is finally at home and falls onto his bed. He lives in shared apartment with Hoseok but he went home alone because he had afternoon classes to teach. Even tough Jimin loved dancing as much as Hoseok did, he could not see himself teaching it. He enjoyed more competing in a underground dance competitions. In fact there was one behind the corner where he and Hoseok were going to take a part. It was going to be a big event which was held in illegal club which was located in abandoned subway station. Everything what happened there wasn't technically speaking legal. Sometimes there was illegal fights and you could find any kind of drugs which you seek. There was going to be big money on the table and to be honest Jimin or neither Hoseok cared much about illegal activities. They weren't that rich after all and really could use the money. Jimin closed his eyes and begun to think. He and Hoseok were so close as pair of friends and roommates could be. That must be the reason for his crazy dreams. Sometimes they were so vivid and real that when he actually woke up it takes some time to separate reality from a what happened while he was dreaming. Hoseok is often playing big part in his dreams. Jimin could sometimes swear that dream Hoseok was actually the real one. Even tough he is not so happy about the nickname what he got from a girl who visited her often during his time of sleep. Also five other men has been visiting his dreams as long as he can remember. It's so funny how he has never spoken about this with Hoseok. He would think that he is insane or at least that something is wrong with his brain. Without realizing his mind has drifted into dream.

* Y/N's pov. You have been writing your blog for few hours when you began feel tired. Your blog was about your dreams which you have been turning into short stories. Your blog was quite popular actually. You enjoyed writing and dreamed about being a journalist one day. Your blog was called Sweet Dreams . Sweet dreams wasn't your only blog but it was your way on venting stress. The second blog was about interesting local events and people. You liked to practice investigative journalism.This blog was under your alias and no one really knew who was behind this blog. To be honest your way of gaining information wasn't liked by everyone. Still people read your blog when they wanted to know about latest event what has been happening around. Okay, maybe your live wasn't always that boring or usual which seemed outside. You close your laptop and head to living room's couch. I will just close my eyes for a minute, you think. Before you know it you began to snore softly. You were walking in a magical forest where sky was lilac and small crystals were hanging from the trees. Crystals chimed like small bells. You arrived to small lake with a waterfall. You weren't alone. man with a black hair was facing the water and his back was towards you. Next to him was another boy who was laying on the crass full of nature flowers. You know instantly who they were. Ice and Flower boy. Suddenly Ice puts his hand into fist and the water freezes. ''Hey, its' getting cold.'' Flower boy whines and looks his companion annoyed. They still haven't noticed you. ''Make a blanket from plants or something.'' Ice grunts. Without words you get closer and touch his shoulder. He turns around surprised. You feel pity towards Flower boy and absurd some of Ice's power. You unfreeze the lake. ''Hey, that's cheating.'' Ice say but small smile plays on his lips. ''Ha! In your face.'' Flower boy says and changes to sitting position. You smile too and sit next to him. If you were close to two or more of these men you had to touch one of them to pick a power which you wanted to use. If you were alone with someone being close to them was enough. ''It's been a while when I have seen you last time.'' You say pointing your words to Flower boy. ''I know, I have been training for a dancing competition with my friend which is coming up this weekend.'' He sighs and rubs his forehead. ''He is perfectionist.'' ''That's interesting. I'm going to compete in a rap battle this weekend.'' Ice says interested. He is wearing cream colored button up shirt and ripped black jeans. His feet are bare and he puts them in the water. ''Wow, I think that there is freestyle rap battle after the dance competition where I'm going.'' Flower boy grins. ''Interesting indeed.'' Ice agrees. after that we fell into comfortable silence. All this seem so familiar and some thought about upcoming underground event visits my mind shortly. Sometimes your dreams are chaotic and you have to do everything to survive and sometimes you are able to just enjoy the moment. You honestly preferred it this way. Luckily if things got too bad you would just wake up. ''My parents are going to divorce.'' Ice mumbles suddenly. ''I know that I'm an adult now so it shouldn't effect me but still I feel really bad about it. They were never a dream couple and they were always fighting or too busy with their work, but at least they were together. ''I'm sorry.'' You say with sad smile. ''Me too.'' Flower boy says and by your surprise he takes Ice's hand to his. He plants small kiss top of it. ''I hope things get better.'' He says and pink tint began to cover Ice's face. You blush as well. Ice opens his mouth but before he can say anything he disappears with puff of smoke. ''Well that was a buzz killer.'' Flower boy says and turns his eyes towards you. It's quite common that someone disappears in random times. Dream logic, I know. ''Do you want a kiss as well?'' He asks wicked grin playing on his lips. You freeze in surprise when he leans closer to your face. Before he is able to reach your lips you jolt awake. Your cat Bob is sitting top of your stomach meowing in demanding tone. ''Aish! You stupid cat. Are you hungry?'' You say annoyed. You really wanted to have that kiss even if it wasn't real. ''Come on then, lets get something into that belly of yours.''

#bts #bts fanfic #bts ot7 #BTS jimin #BTS jin #BTS jungkook #bts hoseok #bts yoongi #bts taehyung #bts namjoon #bts au #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction

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gimmeyoon · 4 years

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Tag Game

tagged by: @ddaenggtan whom I love and is one half of two spider-man’s pointing at each other

:: nickname(s): B, BayB, Sherbert (Based on my real name this is risky), Bob (Because my phone autocorrects BB to Bob and so my best friend and I call each other that).

:: bias: In BTS, Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jungkook (Because I am a whore)

:: blood type: I genuinely do not know, I think A+ .....

:: favourite food: Tofu and rice from a very specific Chinese place near my undergrad school OR from Sticky Rice, Asparagus, Pasta of any type, Tofurky sandwich

:: birthday: March 11, 1997

:: zodiac: Pisces Sun, Aries Moon, Sagittarius Rising

:: pronouns: she/her

:: hair length: OKAY right now it is SO LONG I’ve had short hair since I started senior year of High School, and now, 6 years later, my hair is an inch or 2 past my shoulders (I think I should cut it)

:: height: i am 5′3″ and one time I said “tall people should always be afraid” as I stood on a stool because BEING THAT HIGH UP IS SCARY

:: a crush: I have a new crush every room I walk into I am hopeless also what ever happened to Alex the regular that I blushed around why did he stop coming to my Starbucks Alex I miss you

:: what do you like about yourself: I like my style and my confidence. I took me a really long time to feel good about myself, but I feel like I’m finally as confident as everyone always thought I was. I like my creativity and how empathetic I am.

:: left or right handed: I am right handed but live in fear that I was supposed to be left handed based on my mom’s haunted memory of taking the marker out of my left hand as a child and putting it into my right and immediately regretting it.

:: list of 3 favourite colours: CURRENTLY: pastel pink, neon green, and pastel purple

:: (right now) eating: nothing, but I have a Mediterranean grain bowl from Panera in front of me for later so I could use their wifi

:: (right now) drinking: Starbucks venti iced coffee with soy, light ice, and 3 pumps of cinnamon dolce syrup.

:: i’m about to: start planning for Spring semester which starts tomorrow!

:: listening to: my Korean music playlist, which is named 음악, because Google translate told me that’s how you write music in Korean, if it’s wrong please tell me I don’t want to be embarrassed. It’s my most listened to playlist and more specifically I am listening to Tell Me What To Do by SHINee

:: kids: Does my cat count? I call her my baby and her name is Mochi. Or is this like do I want to have them? Yes, I have wanted to be a mom since I was very little, but that’s also maybe because of child hood trauma that we do not have time to unpack, anyways I always pictured myself as a mom but like not as a wife? So kids even if I’m a single mom.

:: get married: LMAO according to the above I am not like that invested in it, but also I am down to get married one day. I’m genuinely happy alone and I don’t actively seek out romantic relationships BUT ALSO I WANT TO BE LOVED DAMN IT. Idk one day but no time soon.

:: recent phone call: My mom because she face timed me and I could tell it was a butt dial and I was right.

:: (have u ever) dated someone twice: No. I am the type of person that is done when I’m done and my mind isn’t going to be changed. Also I never liked anyone I dated that much OOP.

:: been cheated on: Probably, like they swore to the end that they didn’t, but he immediately started dating the girl (my best friend) that I swore he was cheating on me with SO LIKE EMOTIONALLY YES.

:: kissed someone and regretted it: Literally one of my boyfriends, and yet even after regretting the kiss I DATED HIM WHAT THE HELL

:: lost someone special: Yes. No way to make this entertaining or funny sorry.

:: been depressed: We are thicc into the effects of seasonal affective disorder SO YES (I’m sorry that effects my work on this blog and is proof that being depressed TM does not make you a better artist I CANT DO SHIT RIGHT NOW)

:: been drunk and thrown up: OKAY so yes, the first time was my freshman year of college and I WAS WASTED, and then not again until MY SENIOR YEAR where I would be LEGALLY ALLOWED TO DRINK. I learned the hard way that when I am out and my friend says WHO WANTS TO DO SHOTS if my immediate answer is yes, it should be no, because I never want to take a shot unless I am already too drunk.

:: had glasses or contacts: I have both! I’ve had glasses since the first grade and I got contacts in the 7th grade, which I prefer because I like seeing in my peripheral.

:: had sex on the first date: well as a Virgin TM, no

:: broken someone’s heart: Yes, and I am not sorry OOP

:: turned someone down: Yes, and it is always awkward I hate it

:: cried when someone died: Yes, every time

:: fallen for a friend: Yes, refer back to I have a new crush every room I enter

:: (in the last year have you) made a new friend: YES, I moved to a whole new state and made friends on this here website

:: laughed until u cried: Yes and its one of my favorite emotions

:: met someone who changed u: I think everyone we truly get to know and meet changes us in some way.

:: found out who your true friends were: Yes and that shit hurted

:: found out someone was talking about you: Probably, I am pretty oblivious to things like that, so I could genuinely never realize.

:: lips or eyes: Eyes I guess. I’ve never thought about it but I guess I think more about eyes than lips when it comes to a person.

:: hugs or kisses: Kisses are great but HUGS hit DIFFERENT. You can kiss random people and it means nothing except hey you’re hot, but THE THOUGHT of the person I love hugging me tight EUPHORIC

:: romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous romantic gestures

:: hookup or relationship: Relationship, even though like to think I’m a bad bitch that can’t be locked down, I also need to be comfortable with a person before I can be intimate.

:: first best friend: from birth until the beginning of high school, growing apart from her was worse than any break-up I’ve ever had and I still think about how my mom held me in the car while I cried about the end of our friendship.

:: surgery: nope

:: sports i joined: I did Softball and basketball until high school, played JV volleyball for one year in the 8th grade, and then after that I was a Cheerleader.

:: do u believe in yourself: Sometimes. Recently when Fall semester ended I thought I did really poorly on my final papers, but when I presented in both classes people were really impressed. I had even started to wonder if trying to get my PhD was unrealistic. I think it was the reminder I needed that I am smart and strong and I can do most things if I set my mind to them, so I’m dedicated to believing in myself in 2020.

:: miracles: I don’t know. Maybe. I hate to take a strong stance and say no, but I’ve also never seen one.

:: love at first sight: I believe in like at first sight, but not love. Love is a verb and requires work. Love is so much more than just seeing someone, it involves looking into their soul and saying I recognize the light in you and I love it.

:: heaven: I was raised religious but idk man. It’s crazy because of how strongly I felt about this 6 years ago.

:: do u have any pets: My parents have a dog that I lived with until 6 months ago and I have a cat. I want another cat uwu.

:: do u want to change your name: No, I love my name. But my alias on here, I think about changing it all the time.

:: what did u do for your last birthday: I went out with my friends, and did really cute makeup, and was really feeling myself.

:: what time did u wake up today: I got to sleep in since I had the day off, so 10:00 am.

:: what were u doing last night at midnight: Sleeping my dude, I passed out at like 10:00 pm

:: something i can’t wait for: my whole life I’ve been waiting to live the life I want to live, and I know this is a sad thing to say, but I still feel that way. It’s hard to change my mentality, but I’m very future focused.

:: last time u saw your mum: AHHH recently! My parents came up last week and I got to see them for the first time since November, and my mom cried WHEN SHE WALKED INTO MY APARTMENT

:: what is one thing u wish u could change about your life: I wish I could finally make a solid group of friends where I currently live, but I am very nervous about it and I don’t put myself out there ooof I also would like to stop procrastinating the things I want to do like my YouTube channel and I want to stop being depressed and I want to go to NYC more often

I’d like to tag…. @strawbxxymilk @honiboyyoon @helpitskpop @sketchguk

#I love to ramble and these tag games always prove that sorry #Moots #tag you're it #about b

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baepsaets · 6 years

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eight’s a crowd pt. 2~ bts

pairing: ot7 x reader

rating: sfw

word count: 5.2k

summary: you’re a bighit staff member in charge of stage set-up when you find yourself inexplicably drawn to the very seven men you’re setting stage for. soulmate au!

a/n: if you’re reading this i love you!

part 01 02 03 04 05

You were unloading the lighting equipment when Sungjin approached you. “Hey, want to take our lunch together?”

Setting a box down with a huff, you shook your head. “Not today. I want to get the equipment unloaded. Go ahead and eat though, don’t let me stop you.”

“Are you sure?” he frowned. “You were supposed to take lunch an hour ago.”

You brushed him off. “I’m sure, don’t worry. I’m almost done anyway.”

The real reason why you wanted to complete your work early was to give yourself enough time to sightsee. You wanted to take a moment to explore the city, but if you waited too long, then you wouldn’t have the proper time. You’d stop and get lunch on the way, if you could.

Once Sungjin left, it was just you and Jae, along with a handful of other men roaming the venue. You were bussing back and forth between the stage and the unloading truck, carrying equipment. The process was laborious and you were sweating, but that wasn’t new. You were preoccupied when the door to the venue opened, and still too immersed to notice when Jae dropped a speaker in shock.

The rest of the crew continued unbothered, but you noticed when Jae took a shaky breath and pushed his glasses up his nose, pointing a hesitant finger toward you. “You mean that (Y/N)?”

Perking up at your name, you turned and realized Jae was speaking with Kim Taehyung. You froze, and avoided dropping the box you were holding by sheer force of will.

Taehyung turned almost in slow-motion, and when his gaze landed on you, his face erupted into the most beautiful, genuine smile you’d ever seen. Even Jae choked on his own spit. Thanking him, Taehyung walked toward you. You could feel his footsteps reverberating in your chest and briefly wondered what the hell was wrong with you before he stopped.

“Hi,” Taehyung breathed. “Are you (Y/N)?”

You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. Taehyung reached out his hand for a handshake, which you returned, shifting the box awkwardly to one side. His hand was warm in your own, surprisingly calloused, before he tugged you closer and bowed, kissing your hand like a real-life Disney prince. You looked up in shock, meeting Jae’s wide-eyed gaze.

Taehyung straightened again and shot you another boxy grin that went straight to your heart. “It’s nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Oh, really,” you replied, nervous. Had Jeongguk mentioned you? Why would he do that? You were just another passing face in a sea of a thousand. “Everything good, I hope.”

Taehyung laughed at your obvious discomfort. “Only the best.”

The two of you lapsed into silence, and you twitched uncomfortably. Taehyung was staring at you with a dark and unfathomable gaze, face bare and hair mused. He was either impervious to the awkward silence or too preoccupied to care, content to commit your face to memory until you cleared your throat. You were glad only Jae was close enough to recognize him, or else you were sure he’d be attracting attention.

“Is there anything you need?” you asked. “Is something wrong with the stage?”

He seemed startled out of his trance. “No, the stage is fine. Everything is fine. I was actually wondering if I could speak to you alone for a moment?”

Your mouth opened in shock before you snapped your jaw shut, with an audible click. “O-oh. I’m sorry, I’m really busy unloading right now—,”

Suddenly Jae was by your side, taking the box out of your hand and shooing you toward Taehyung. “It’s nothing I can’t handle, (Y/N)! Don’t you worry about it. You’re due for a break anyway, I know you skipped lunch.”

You shot him an evil look while Taehyung turned to you, worried. “You haven’t eaten?”

“Not yet,” you admitted. “I was going to once I finished.”

“No, she wasn’t,” Jae continued. “She was going to work herself half to death and then swallow a granola bar whole in the bathroom.”

Taehyung looked genuinely hurt at your own blatant disregard for your health, but you turned your face to the side and hissed at Jae, under your breath, “Don’t you have anything better to do?”

He shook his head and physically turned your face toward Taehyung again, who was eyeing Jae’s hand on your chin with tight-lipped displeasure. “It’s not right to overwork yourself like that,” he scolded, gently. “Come eat lunch with me, I want to make sure you stay healthy.”

You couldn’t believe this was happening. After working for BigHit for over a year, you were being asked to lunch by Kim Taehyung himself. Meanwhile, by your side, Jae couldn’t believe you weren’t throwing yourself at his feet!

You couldn’t help but think the situation was one big joke. First running into Jeongguk backstage, then Taehyung seeking you out. Maybe Brian was trying to prank you?

“That’s not necessary, uh, Mr. Kim,” you replied, not sure how to address him. You weren’t close enough to call him oppa but he was older than you, and you wanted to be respectful.

“Taehyung is fine,” Taehyung corrected, instant. He reached out and took your hand again, running his thumb over the back of it. “Eat lunch with me, please?”

He looked at you with puppy dog eyes and you felt your resistance chipping. “I guess I could take a short break. I should be back quickly though—,”

“Nope, nope, nope! Don’t worry, (Y/N), we won’t miss you at all. In fact, you could probably take the whole day off and we wouldn’t even notice you were gone. Have fun, eat well. Have a drink for me!” Jae cried, pushing you ahead of him as Taehyung dragged you behind him, toward the exit. The heat from his hand was gradually working up your arm in a way that was frankly alarming.

You turned to shoot Jae another bewildered look before he stopped pushing, standing still and gesturing wildly between you and Taehyung. Your face creased in confusion before Jae sighed, pointed at Taehyung, and made an obscene thrusting motion. You gasped, scandalized, before Taehyung tugged you right through the door. The last thing you saw was Jae’s smug face before the door clicked shut, leaving you and Taehyung alone in the hallway.

Instead of speaking, Taehyung just kept walking forward. There was a low buzzing starting underneath your skin, originating from where his hand was touching you. Finally, you asked, “What do you want?”

He hummed, slowing down enough so that instead of dragging you, he was walking by your side, still holding your hand. You couldn’t think of a polite way to remove it, so you kept it there. “I don’t know, I was thinking either something local or barbeque. What are you in the mood for?”

You stared. “I meant what did you want to talk about?”

He laughed, smiling. “We can talk while we eat. Do you mind just coming back to the tour bus? I wouldn’t mind eating in public, but it’s always a risk.”

You immediately nodded. “Eating in is fine.”

You slowed until Taehyung turned to glance at you, and you looked pointedly at your clasped hands. Taehyung snatched his hand away and you almost thought he was blushing. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, before pointing. “It’s this way.”

The two of you continued on. There was electricity crackling in the thin space between you, and Taehyung’s arm continuously brushed your own as you walked. He seemed as relaxed as ever, but you couldn’t bring yourself to glance in his direction. What was he doing here? Why did he want to talk to you? You couldn’t figure it out, and the suspense was killing you.

You wished you could say something. You wished you could miraculously morph yourself into a social person, but that was impossible. As if sensing your internal conflict, Taehyung gave you a reassuring look. “You seem nervous.”

“I’m just awkward,” you admitted. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s nothing to apologize for,” he replied. “You can be comfortable around me.”

You laughed without humor. You would be more comfortable around a convicted serial killer. “I’ll try.” It made you feel better when he talked, so you asked, “How have you been enjoying the tour?”

“Oh, it’s been fantastic,” he gushed, immediately vaulting into a tirade about how much fun the tour has been. Listening to him calmed your nerves, but you couldn’t help what wonder what he wanted. You were a nobody on the tour, what interest could he possibly have in you?

You were much more relaxed by the time you made it to the tour bus, but Taehyung ruined it by saying, “By the way, a few of the others are in here. I hope you don’t mind.”

“What?” you asked, startled out of silence. “I don’t want to be a nuisance, we can go somewhere—,”

But as if hearing you speak, the door was flung open and Jung Hoseok was standing there. His red hair was mused, like he’d been running his hand through it.

“Tae!” he cried in excitement, but his eyes were glued to you. “You’re just in time, Yoongi’s back.”

“Any luck?” someone called from within the bus, before there was a smacking sound.

Taehyung stepped inside, and you followed behind him reluctantly. Min Yoongi was sprawled across the couch but sat up in shock when he saw you. Park Jimin, who was standing at the kitchen counter, dropped his phone in the sink.

Hoseok gave them both a sharp look before looking at you again, gaze going soft. “And who’s your friend?”

“(Y/N),” you offered, proud that your voice came out strongly.

“She’s a part of the set-up crew,” Taehyung supplied, and Jimin shot Yoongi a quick look you couldn’t decipher.

“That’s very cool,” Jimin said. “Thank you for the work you do.”

Your entire face flushed at his gratitude. “It’s nothing, really.”

“No, it’s not!” he insisted. “It’s staff like you that keep the show going. You’re the unsung heroes of the entire tour.”

You tried to hide your awkwardness behind a laugh, but it felt forced. “That’s very kind of you to say.”

Jimin opened his mouth to reply until Taehyung leaned closer to you, his mouth almost brushing your ear. You had to hide your shiver. “I need to grab my phone from my bunk, I’ll be right back.”

He left, leaving you standing alone by the door. Hoseok cuddled up to you right away. “Sit down, make yourself comfortable.”

“Oh, I’m fine,” you tried to say, but Hoseok led you to the couch and helped you sit next to Yoongi, his hand on your back. The travel bus felt sweltering, and you could feel your shirt sticking to you with sweat. “Really, I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not intruding,” Yoongi insisted, which surprised you—he seemed like the member who’d be most annoyed by your sudden appearance.

You huffed out a laugh, and their eyes didn’t leave your face. You resisted the urge to smooth your hair.

“So, you’re with the set-up crew,” Jimin noted. “Tough job?”

“It’s not bad,” you replied. “I handle the small stuff.”

Taehyung came back, saving you from further small talk, and interrupted, “She hasn’t eaten yet, where’s Jin?”

Instead of answering, Yoongi turned to you accusatorily, “Why haven’t you eaten?”

You opened your mouth to lie, just like you did with Sungjin, but for some reason you were compelled to admit, “I wanted to get my work done early so I could explore the city.”

Jimin straightened. “Really? Would you mind if we came with?”

You gaped at him. Was he really asking if he and the rest of Bangtan could come with you to sightsee? This couldn’t be happening. “Why?”

“We want to see the city, too,” he pouted. “Our concert isn’t until tomorrow night.”

“We were already planning on going,” Hoseok admitted, smoothly. Almost too smoothly. “If anything, would you like to come with us?”

“I already said I don’t want to intrude—,”

“And we already said you weren’t intruding,” Jimin said. “Please? We have a tour guide.”

A tour guide? The thought made you almost giddy with excitement. You’d never had a tour guide, most of your exploring consisted of you wandering around the area until you’d gotten your fill. Having a tour guide, especially with a language barrier, would be a huge help.

But would it be worth it? Being around Bangtan made you nervous as hell, and you still didn’t know what Taehyung wanted to talk about, but you didn’t want to pass up such a great opportunity.

You eyed the four of them. “As long as you promise you don’t mind.”

“We don’t mind,” multiple people said, maybe all of them, and Jimin hid his laugh in his elbow.

“And!” you continued. “You okay it with the rest of the group. And security. And BigHit.”

Hoseok said, “It’s a deal. Yoongi, call Namjoon. When do you want to leave?”

“Let her eat first,” Taehyung scolded. “I’m already calling Jin.”

“We can eat in the city.”

“But (Y/N)’s hungry now.”

You perked up. “Actually, I’m fine.”

Taehyung held up his finger. “Let us feed you, baby. It would make me feel a lot better if you ate.”

For a moment, your face flushed red at the sudden use of his endearment. It made your skin prickle, but in a decidedly good way. “I’d rather leave now and eat in the city, if that’s okay.”

“Of course,” Yoongi said, face softening. “I’m calling Namjoon, be right back.”

He left, and Jimin filled his spot on the couch. Hoseok sat to your other side, and Taehyung crouched in front of you. You waited for your anxiety to increase, but surprisingly, it didn’t. The longer you spent with them, the more comfortable you felt. Despite this, you were still left questioning. You didn’t understand why Bangtan was being so nice to you. You’d never heard of them acting so friendly to another employee before. What made you special?

Yoongi walked back into the living area. “Namjoon, Jin, and Jeongguk are gonna meet us by the van. Ready to leave?”

You nodded. Since you’d planned to go directly from work to the city, you already had money and your phone, plus your room key in a separate pocket. You just needed to remember to text Jae. You felt guilty leaving your work unfinished, but it’d been Jae that had gotten you into this situation in the first place.

The boys gathered their stuff. They led the way to the van, Hoseok and Taehyung in front of you, Jimin and Yoongi behind. You felt like a celebrity with her own police escort.

When you reached the parking lot behind the venue, you noticed Namjoon first because he was the tallest, locked in a conversation with Seokjin to the side. Jeongguk was leaning against a white van with a pensive look on his face, but the second he caught sight of you, his expression lit up like a Christmas tree.

“(Y/N)!” he exclaimed. Before you could think, he strode across the lot and enveloped you in a sudden hug.

Time froze. Your face fit perfectly into the crook of his shoulder, and he smelled amazing. The heat from his body soaked through your clothes and you hesitantly wrapped your arms around him, only slightly stiff. Vaguely, behind him, you thought you heard someone mutter, “Jeongguk, you’re scaring her.”

He released you, smiling sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ambush you. I just wanted to apologize for running into you last night.”

“It’s fine,” you assured him. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

Jeongguk was nudged to the side, and you were met with Kim Seokjin. He looked even better in person, although all he was wearing was a sweatshirt and jeans. He pulled his bottom lip through his teeth and you struggled not to stare.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he said, dropping into a short bow. You returned it and held out your hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, too.” Instead of shaking your hand, Seokjin grabbed it and stroked over your knuckles, making goosebumps rise on the back of your neck.

He smiled and let go, fingers lingering on your skin. You turned to find Namjoon, who was waiting patiently for Seokjin to take his turn. You couldn’t help but internally coo at his dimples when his face broke into a wide smile.

“I’m glad you could come with us,” he said. He didn’t reach for your hand, but he was standing close enough that you found yourself unconsciously leaning toward him.

“Thank you for letting me,” you replied. “I was just gonna wander around on my own.”

His face fell as he frowned in concern. “You shouldn’t walk around by yourself, something bad could happen.”

You blushed and shrugged, touched by his concern. “I’ve been doing it since the beginning of the tour, nothing bad as happened yet. I’m always careful.”

“Well, from now on, you can sightsee with us,” Jimin declared, bouncing next to you.

“We’ll keep you company,” Hoseok added.

“And we’ll make sure you stay safe,” Taehyung finished.

The seven of them seemed to be inching closer, forming a circle around you. Instead of feeling closed in, you felt pleasantly included. You were grateful to realize that their attention was becoming less and less intimidating.

“We should get going, though,” Namjoon said, gesturing to the van. “We’re meeting the tour guide at the travel agency.”

The van was small enough to be inconspicuous, with four seats in the back, three in the middle, and two upfront. Half of the group was corralled into the back, with you seated in the middle seat next to Jimin and Yoongi. Namjoon was stuck upfront with the driver.

You finally texted Jae to tell him you wouldn’t be back, but he only replied with the eggplant emoji. You scowled and deleted the chat.

When the seven of you were settled, Namjoon slid the sliding van door shut and clambered into the passenger seat.

The second he shut the door, you felt electricity crackle in the air. The van felt like it was full to the brim, and an overwhelming sense of rightness filled your chest. It was like an unknown hole in your heart getting stitched together. It was like the snap of a key turning in a lock, except you didn’t know if your chest was being locked or opened.

Jimin shifted next to you, and you felt his leg press against your own. His thigh was warm and firm, and Taehyung’s hair brushed your cheek as he leaned against your seat to talk to Namjoon over your head.

Everyone was chatting absent-mindedly amongst each other with you caught in the middle, but strangely, you didn’t feel like an eighth wheel. Despite the obviously close bond the seven of them shared, you didn’t feel left out. In fact, with the way Yoongi kept glancing anxiously at you from the corner of his eye, you felt enveloped. Warm. Blanketed. It was comforting.

You decided that you were going to throw practicality to the wind and enjoy yourself. You were in a foreign country sightseeing with seven handsome celebrities, and you were going to have fun. Any question you had could wait until tomorrow.

The van lurched into motion, and Seokjin leaned next to Taehyung, face pushed between Yoongi’s and your own. “(Y/N), why are we just now meeting you?”

They all spoke to you so casually, like you’d known them for ages. “I’m not usually backstage. I was doing a friend a favor when I met Jeongguk last night.”

Seokjin seemed to find that vastly amusing. “Almost like fate, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess,” you replied. He said it like it was an inside joke, one that you didn’t quite understand.

When you parked, Jimin insisted that you exit before him. His hand brushed your waist as you maneuvered around him and out of the van. It made your skin tingle, and you missed the warning look Namjoon shot him while Jimin shrugged remorselessly.

The tour guide ended up being a very nice man who was a native to the country you were visiting. He spoke fluent English, and you and Namjoon ended up helping the rest of the group with the language barrier. Namjoon was obviously grateful to have your help, and it made your heart warm, knowing that you weren’t just a useless addition to their excursion.

You had the time of your life. Having the guide there to show you local scenery helped because he was able to show you stuff you’d never have been able to find on your own. He offered a lot of information about local lore and history, all of which you listened to avidly. You were so immersed in the trip that you forgot to be nervous around Bangtan—instead the eight of you laughed and joked around. You realized as the day went on that they were much more normal than they seemed on camera.

Jeongguk had a camera with him, and he walked around the city like a photographer, taking pictures of the rest of you. You tried to avoid him, but he seemed to seek you out; you constantly glanced over and found his lens trained on you before you could jerk away and hide. After a while Taehyung wrestled the camera away from him and started taking photos that included Jeongguk, who’d strayed away from being in any photos until then.

Seokjin bought your lunch and the eight of you ate on the beach, staring out at the water. The maknae line, along with Hoseok, goofed around in the sand, while Namjoon and Yoongi dragged you into a conversation about your job and hobbies.

You talked about how grateful you were to tour with them, about your wanderlust and desire to see the world. The weirdest part was how genuinely interested they were—you could tell by the way they stared, how they nodded and interjected their own opinion in your stories, that they cared about what you were saying. You didn’t know why, but you weren’t going to question it. You were usually too reserved to talk to anyone about yourself; finding comfort like that now felt like a blessing, and you didn’t want to ruin the moment.

They day ended with Jeongguk throwing Jimin into the ocean while the sun set prettily over the water, and the rest of you laughed while they tussled.

You didn’t get back to the hotel until it was dark, and Bangtan followed you up to your room after changing into more comfortable clothes in their tour bus. Luckily the room had two queen-sized beds, and you changed while Namjoon ordered takeout and paid over the phone before you could protest. He claimed that since he was older than you it was his responsibility to pay, but you still felt guilty. You didn’t want them to think you’d agreed to hang out with them because they were famous and had money—you’d had a great time with them today, and it had nothing to do with how much money they had and everything to do with how much you’d enjoyed their company.

Seokjin put on a nameless movie that droned in the background while the rest of you talked and ate. Conversation seemed to flow effortlessly between the eight of you, with someone always prepared with another topic after one conversation fizzled out. You didn’t keep track of how long you stayed up talking, but by the end of the night, Bangtan didn’t seem like Bangtan anymore—they were just seven people in a group, and you were lucky enough to spend time with them.

You found your eyes growing heavy, but you didn’t want the night to end. Nobody was willing to state the obvious, so the eight of you settled into bed and enjoyed the silence. It was strange, being surrounded by seven people and feeling totally at ease with them, and before you knew it, you found yourself drifting off to sleep.

~~~

You woke up in the morning sweaty and overheated. You tried to shift, but you were tangled in your blanket. Everything felt disoriented, but you were coherent enough to register a weight on the bed, curled up close to your side. When you turned your head, your forehead brushed someone’s nose, and their breath was hot on your face.

Much more awake, you opened your eyes and saw Yoongi’s pale hair. He was turned toward you, face buried in your pillow. An arm was slung over his waist, and if you craned your neck, you could see Jimin behind him, forehead pressed to the nape on Yoongi’s neck.

You breathed in sharply through your nose, holding in a shocked gasp. The bed shifted to your right, and you turned over and saw Taehyung. He was holding his own pillow tight to his chest, teetering on the very edge of the bed. He felt your sudden shift and groggily cracked one eye open, taking in your slack mouth and wide-eyed expression.

“Hey,” he said, heavy with sleep. His voice was ridiculously gruff and you almost blushed. He spoke casually, like it was completely natural for him to wake up in bed next to you. Behind you, Jimin mumbled incoherently.

“If this weren’t a hotel,” Taehyung continued. “We’d make you breakfast.”

The mention of the hotel made you sit up. Yoongi grumbled next to you, burrowing further into your blanket. You were the only one underneath it, with the other three sleeping on top of it. This isn’t a dream, you thought, they’re really here, and you’re in bed with them.

You were sleeping with Taehyung, Yoongi, and Jimin. On the other bed you saw Namjoon, Hoseok, Jeongguk, and Seokjin, barely illuminated by the morning sunlight filtering in through the window. They were in a jumbled pile on the bed, and you couldn’t make sense of who was sleeping by who.

The sight was endearing, but then reality kicked in, and you made a shocked noise in the back of your throat.

Namjoon’s head shot up immediately, attuned to the sound of your voice. Seokjin was startled awake, twitching in alarm, which woke up Hoseok and Jeongguk. They mirrored Namjoon’s position, turning to stare at you. Time felt like it was moving sluggishly, and they blinked owlishly. They didn’t seem shocked or nervous—only concerned, waiting to see what you were going to say. Seokjin caught a glimpse of the bedside clock and grimaced.

“Oh, God, I’m going to get arrested,” you gasped, too loud in the dark quiet of the hotel room.

There was a pause before Hoseok threw his head back in silent laughter. Even you were shocked by your sudden outburst, but once you had the thought, it wouldn’t leave your mind. “Why?”

“Because you’re famous!” you whisper-cried. “You’re famous and you stayed the night in my room. Security is probably going crazy trying to figure out where you are. They’re going to accuse me of kidnapping and then I’m going to go to prison and rot in a cell until I die, for kidnapping celebrities.”

All five of them, from Namjoon ambling to his feet across the room to Taehyung staring at you blurrily from over his pillow, looked highly amused by your rant. You felt the bed shift behind you and turned to see Jimin leaning on his elbow. “And who’s going to arrest you?”

“The Korean government, the police, security, BangPD! Someone!”

Jeongguk was snickering into the crook of his elbow. His face was still creased with sleep. “You don’t have to worry, (Y/N).”

“We called security last night and told them we’d be staying here,” Seokjin assured, also trying to hold in his laugh. He followed Namjoon’s lead and stood, although he wobbled and had to brace himself on the bedside table.

“And if someone tries to arrest you, we’ll stop them,” Namjoon finished.

“Now be quiet,” Yoongi murmured, voice muffled. He was the only one who hadn’t given any sign that he was awake, until now. “We have at least five minutes left.”

Namjoon grimaced. “Actually, hyung, we need to leave soon.”

Jimin’s face fell, and he stared at you forlornly. “So soon?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon replied. He started listing off their schedule for the day, and it was so elaborate that you winced on their behalf.

It was a struggle dragging Yoongi out of bed. The seven of them took their time getting ready, glancing at you continuously. You stood with them, not wanting to linger awkwardly in bed while they were getting ready to leave.

“I’m so, so sorry you all ended up falling asleep here,” you told them, and Yoongi huffed out a laugh.

“We fell asleep in your hotel room and took over your bed, and you’re apologizing to us?” he asked.

Your face flushed. You’d pointedly avoided bringing up the bedsharing, because you could still feel Yoongi’s phantom-breath against your neck. Bedsharing wasn’t a big deal, it wasn’t like you’d been cuddling—right?

“We appreciate you letting us stay,” Jeongguk said, sheepishly. “Sometimes the tour bus is hard to sleep in.”

You didn’t doubt it, remembering how small and cramped the sleeping area had seemed. You felt much better about the whole ordeal, knowing you’d at least helped them in some way.

They were gathered at the door, knowing they needed to leave, but wanting more than anything to stay. They looked heartbreakingly authentic—messy hair, bare faces, still in their rumbled pajamas. It was startling to be so thoroughly reminded that they were just like you, except with more glitz and glam in an industry that demanded it of them. Seeing them in such a human light made you admire them even more, and your chest was close to bursting.

“Thank you all so much,” you said. “Really, I had a fantastic time. I’m gonna remember yesterday for the rest of my life.”

All seven of them were grinning so widely, you were surprised their faces weren't splitting. Hoseok said, “We’ll see you after the concert.”

You grinned and nodded, still slightly breathless. Each of them touched you on their way out—Jimin grabbed your hand, Seokjin and Hoseok brushed your arm, Jeongguk and Yoongi wrapped their hand around your wrist. Taehyung, boldest of the seven, stroked his knuckle down the length of your neck, making you shiver.

You’d noticed Namjoon had gone out of his way to avoid touching you yesterday. Today he lingered in the doorway, giving you a considering look, before reaching out and cupping your cheek in his hand. “See you tonight, baby.”

Bangtan waved goodbye, and then you were left alone in your room, the air conditioner humming rhythmically in the background.

2K notes · View notes

journalofasadperson · 4 years

Text

journel

I had another journal before this and i typed in it. but i have no idea if i should post it because of how harsh it sounds. i say a lot of swear words so like....

keep reading at your own discretion

tw self-harm,death,among many other things

2:56 September 14 2019

I really want to use the machete. And no! It’s not for cutting my self you sick bastard. Like I think about it, but it doesn’t mean I will do it . I hate when people assume things and assume I don’t have self control and that I am just “crazy”. I WONT DO IT JESUS CHRIST I CAN HEAR YOUR THINKING FROM HERE :< I want to use it for fun!! Like cutting plants! (More like weeds) it’s fun clearing things out

I think mum is trying to make feel better about eating watermelon with my mouth here in Peru

Damn not remembering must suck. But then again if I lost certain memories I wouldn’t mind.

I like the country side more. Hunting would be fun as long as the ecosystem needs it. Though I still wouldn’t kill bears :< it’s too sad. Unless they really are hurting others.

Ha ha oh ya the phone has destroyed everything :, ) lmao it has completely destroyed everything. And aw yes science going ahead and further is making more corruption. Aw yaaaaa 🙄🙄🙄 this guy I swear.

At this point I have been quiet for so long. This is the quietest I have ever been. I feel very mute. If I start talking no one will listen to what I say because of age and all that bullshit.

The people are nice. Very caring :). There are just certain things we don’t agree on.

Coming back to the city - 7:29pm same day

5:28 September 21

Going to go home at midnight! I talked to the mama and she was super sad. Talking about how she is forgetting things. I wonder if that will happen to me?

8:25 in Salvador (high up in the air) sept 22

So I saw a big burly man hugging his stuff animal (dog), rippoff Justin biber, and discounted Jesus. (also a latino version of captain sparkles)

2:25 pm in US,Seattle, Oct. 25

well, hello cool area! I am back to typing on this note. Because i am still sad as fuck. Or something. I can’t tell the difference. I’m just really.fucking.tired. I want to sleep. Sometimes I wonder if I want to sleep forever... you know I can see how my past self wanted to kill myself. I know most of my friends don’t feel indifferent but you know. When you are like this you think the opposite. I feel a lot of love from my best friends though. A few people from discord. I can’t wait to go to school next week. I want to get out of this fucking hell hole. I think I’m going non verbal. Which fucking sucksSUCCCKKKKKS! But oh well. I wonder if my brother cares at all. Like I know he does. But I guess not the yelling part sense I am 17. Gee thanks bro. I hate getting yelled at. I am very sick of it. I wished I did die. But I don’t want too. I just want to not get yelled at for being “stupid” or for being a “dumbass” but hey at least grandma and Ramiro don’t yell at me. I hate this feeling. I thought the whole yelling at me and telling me she was going to hit me would be gone by now. You know?? She only hit me once. And too used yell at me all the time. That’s why I hated middle school for a period... it fucking sucked, I hated going back home. I am always anxious. Like... can I even sit??? Or something? And they tell me you are being lazy or not doing things you should be doing. I should be doing something with the house or some shit. I get it bro, maintaining a house is fucking hard. I never said it was easy. FUCK nothing is easy and I hate how they think I think it’s easy. Of course fucking not. You think I am that inept. That I don’t care? Well fucking news flash! I do. This is why I have voices in my head ladies and gentlemen and non-binary lovelies! They remind me to do things and talk to me through things. They are very helpful at times. I should have stayed depressed... Maybe then I would be oh so fucking helpful. I need to get this out. Thank god for notes in my phone. Thank god for my phone in general. I would have died earlier with out it. Getting info on what self harm is and seeking communities for comfort is great. And learning is better on here anyways. So ya, fuck you.

10:53 am Oct 26

Mum said people would leave me if I am not more considerate. Aka better :) and love me haha.

I keep having nightmares

11:23 am

I am not feeling great. I am thinking suicidal again. I don’t like it. Every time I look at mom I get nervous..... I haven’t taken my meds.

Just took them. Maybe that why I am happier. Because I blocked out all those times she has yelled at me and belittled me. I don’t like remembering that.

...footsteps scare me

But anyways! Thank god for the meds! Helps me forget some of this shit! :)

(I know that’s not good but like what else I’m I supposed to do)

I can’t to go to LA and spend the rest of my life there. I want to live with my best friends! And have fun and not get yelled at!

11:48

Forget anything I said. I am going to forget and pretend none of this ever happened.

So I woke up! And I had nightmares! But that’s okay because I got to sleep in a little bit more! And I can’t wait to bake and me and my grandma are going to spend time together! :D and my mum is going to go with my brother!

10:32PM Oct. 28 2019

My old roommate Don epfaniyo came by. Got beaten up really fucking good. They kicked him, scratched him and punched him. He went to the hospital last night. Went there at 9:00PM? He said the fight started at 9:00PM. Probably the fight didn’t last that long. But fuck. He is not doing so hot right now. Both of his eyes are red and his skin looked like he was skidded on the pavement. They (don Carlos/epfaniyo and right now my roommate who is about to leave) are joking around. Glad they can still laugh, but that also means they are used to it. I hope his in law can find peace in his soul.

5:07pm Oct. 29 2019

Finished a doc appointment. It was super weird though. The nice pregnant lady kept asking me questions, like a lot of questions. Like if I was being abused at home or if I felt safe at home/ with myself. I wonder if I do look worse for wear... she was super nice though :) I’m glad I talked to her she didn’t judge me at all. I wish she was always my doctor. She asked me about my mental health and how I was doing at school. To be honest I don’t know if I lied. I tried my best to talk to her though. I have been having urges to kill myself I told her but I reassured her I wouldn’t because I have people that care about me. I don’t want them to be alone. I don’t want to die to be honest. I just want too move out and get more help. I want to explore more :) I can’t wait to leave. The next days will be tough because I won’t have my meds... first time I am without my meds. I don’t think things are going to go super good. But it’s going to be okay :D

7:38pm Nov 9

I guess I can’t fuck up with paco either. I get scolded for almost throwing up at his poop. And sneered at me saying “you can put away the bags right? You won’t vomit then?” Like geez woman I’m sorry I’m learning. Paco has been coughing a lot. And I don’t really wanna play because he has a fuck ton of more energy then me. He deserves a better family to be honest. Mum wanted this and I went along cause I wanted to give paco a good home and I thought maybe if he came things would get better. But why do I lie to myself.

God,maybe I am a fuck up.

9:10pm Nov 11

I feel like fucking shit. To be honest I don’t even know how to breathe some days and when I go to therapy I forget I was sad and not lie, but forget to write down I am wanting to die. I want to break everything I own and die. How can I function when my mum wants to tell me what do. Oh sorry forgetting about time because to me TIME IS NONEXISTNET FUCK YOU.I DONT HATE YOU I JUST DON’T SEE YOU ANYMORE

I wonder if this is why people kill themselves. Do I hate myself? I don’t I do. Logically its not my fault. I think anyways

Paco is being cute though. He is a nice distraction. GOD I hate that Carla was right about keeping a journal. Oh I forgot to mention abby is not interested in me. Which gives me so much closure! (I had no idea what her feelings were so like I do I proceed thy friendship lmao)I am thankful for having good friends. I just wish I didn’t see everyone like npc though. I feel like they are npc because I don’t know. I am glad paco is here, he lights up the place even though he poops EVERYWHERE. lol. Anyways I keep hearing the voices sometimes really strong other times I feel like going crazy. Like actual crazy none of that fake shit. Like fuck man. I go into this mind palace and force all my frustration there.i am allowed to go crazy I am allowed to scream and walk around the streets singing/dancing/talking to myself.its fun I am allowed to break bottles and walk around with my mother worrying about me. She is not there in that plane she is at home not worrying about me.

The song of the day Good day by BTS

Keep fighting

#personal journel #journalncj

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sugar-petals · 6 years

Text

Fuckup Trucker [M]

⟾ summary: Canada’s number one imperious truck driver Kim “The Accident” Namjoon crashes at your winter lodge. Literally. After rescuing him from the scene and stripping down at the fireplace, turns out he’s not tough as nails at all. ⟾ pairing: sub!Namjoon x Dom!Reader ⟾ words: 5.1k ⟾ genre: Angst / Smut / Fluff — The holy trinity, Vacation AU ⟾ warnings: Riddled with innuendo, heavy swearing, slapping, someone’s getting roasted AND dominated, riding, femdom, hands kink, cunnilingus, vaginal sex, fingering, dimples (!), RM gets called baby a lot, graphic description, ASMR, Namjoon whispering, humiliation kink, multiple orgasms, angsty start, fights, natural disasters, Kim Namjoon is The Fuckup™ ⟾ a/n: This was drafted for several months. But now I’ll let out the beast 🔥I always fantasize about hot stories in the winter snow, this is one of them. Loving submissive Joon to the moon and back, so I hope you enjoy the ride as always 😄 (Image cr.)

Sub!BTS Masterlist / Read it on AO3

The icy road won’t let your shoes find any grip. One step, two steps, three grueling steps. It feels like moving backward. Each movement is ungrateful, much like the temperature at dusk that creeps into your limbs, further slowing down the walk. You remember Jin’s words at the gas station: Walk like a penguin and you won’t slip. It seems like the most ridiculous thing to do, but it works. There’s nobody else here to laugh at it anyway.

The subtle cracking under your boots becomes the only sound in the valley after the clattering noise from the last train to Juneau fades. The echo in these valleys can become rather strong if only one is just loud enough. But the silence is even louder, making every step eerier than ever. A brown dot in the distance comes into sight when the wind carries away some snow.

After the penguin waddles got you closer to the spot, a snowy roof appears from the blur of white.

You pat the small chest pocket of your coat twice. Yes, the key is still there. It takes some time until your efforts to free the lock from snow come to fruition. Then, you fumble at the chest pocket for what feels like two minutes because your gloves are too chunky to grab the key. It drops from your grasp right away.

You have to collect it from a heap of virgin snow that keeps moving under the heavy wind. It’s too much for the gloves to handle. Eventually, they become wet at the fingertips.

You should have listened to wise Jin. He said that lamb fur was not 'the most persistent material in these conditions'. Nevertheless, you pick up the key with confidence. You can't change the fact that you're wearing them right now. And the gloves don’t really matter when you’ll be warm in a minute.

The lodge is supposed to have a nice fireplace, a humongous oven, even a sofa. The prospect makes you feel cozy already, placing the key at the lock to push in with a hopeful mind. Once, twice. It doesn’t work. You flip the key by 180 degrees and try again. Thrice this time. It doesn’t even go half in, nor does it turn one bit. Banging at the won’t help to free the lock. It’s iced up from the inside out.

Fuck.

Instead of encountering a rear entrance around the corner, you only find a large stack of chopped wood. Jin likely prepared it two weeks ago, knowing you would stay here for two days before continuing your trip to Alaska. It’s an orderly stack, no wood out of place. It’s almost like... stairs. Stairs! It might have been unintentional, but the window right above the stack appears to be slightly tilted. Jin, you genius.

You climb up fast to reach the spot, some pieces of wood tumbling aside. The tilt of the window allows you to reach inside with one glove off, turning the handle. Click. The window opens with a creak while more wood falls down underneath you, so you are forced to slip in as quickly as possible. The landing is soft: Carpet.

You close the window with the help of a nearby broomstick and hurry to get the fireplace and oven going. It’s tedious work, but some pieces of wood are already in there — again, freshly chopped.

The tilted window left the lodge freezing cold even with a bit of snow inside. At least, the sofa is as comfortable as Jin had promised, inviting you with quite a couple of pillows and blankets. The heat distributes from the floor upwards while the sun sets. Your hands feel much better now that the damned wet gloves are off, dangling near the fireplace to dry.

There are some candles to light up at what is supposed to be the dinner table, a large oak trunk sliced in half and led out horizontally around four smaller trunks that serve as seats. The lighting is decent, but not sufficient given how late it is. You leave your coat and heavy shoes on while sitting on the sofa, watching flames tongue at the wood blocks.

Maybe the fire will get a little brighter when you wait. You didn't travel all the way from Juneau not to have a luminous evening now. Your relatives have made fun of you doing such a trip already, you'll prove them wrong and say when you arrive: Canada's great, no matter how icy it is.

It's not a good idea to doze off like that but you need rest, but also warmth. So you make sure to slightly tilt the window at the other side of the lodge to let in fresh air. If there's something you don't plan on doing during this vacation, it's dying because of carbon monoxide poisoning. You pass out fast between blankets and pillows, hoping that the lock would be easier to handle tomorrow.

A large rumble interrupts your sleep just when the fire starts to diminish. The entire valley echoes a thunderous boom, akin to an earthquake. It's terrifying. The sound gets you up at the blink of an eye.

You need to get out of here. If the roof collapses, you don't stand a chance.

The lock defrosted, but the door is still hard to open because of the snow pile outside. You push until the slit is broad enough to exit, almost tripping since the snow has been getting firmer with the falling evening degrees. Now you see where the rumble was coming from.

A giant blue truck has stopped just a few feet away.

There’s a cursing, lanky guy in a huge fur coat walking around it with a lantern. And in the distance, you see the respective truck trailer in the vicinity of the valley slope. But something's not right. In the scarce gleam of the lantern, you realize why.

It’s turned upside down.

The man adjusts his cap in surprise when you approach and yell through the wind.

“You lost your trailer?!”

“Where the hell did you come from?”

He's got a deep voice that's almost too hard to hear. The lantern shifts to your direction completely now. You step closer.

“The lodge, shall I contact—”

You can see his face now. Stern eyes. Strong jaw and brows. Tan, with bits of dark hair sticky against his forehead.

It's a grimace of sheer fury.

“I have one less problem when you’re not here. Go, just go away!”

He gestures, pointing at you, then to the house. “I’ll do this myself. You’ve seen nothing here. Go!”

Now he spins around on his heel. You can't even reply, he's so fast.

Back at the truck, he rummages in the driver’s cab, back turned to you.

“Headquarters! Headquarters, where are you? 5-0-6, 5-0-6 calling!”

He keeps repeating it, but there’s nobody answering on the radio set. The guy seeks to go on walking around the scene inspecting the trailer, and more insults follow. Only a few sentences and you know practically everyone he ever hated.

Only a rumble from the mountains comes as a response.

Much more severe than what you heard earlier when the crash happened. Against the cutting wind, you scream that you don’t care about his company messing up the trailer safety check, or the headquarters, or that everyone in the world is an asshole, and that he should come in. But he keeps roaming about. You go after him, drag him by the arm.

"Don't you understand? You shouldn't be here!"

He rips his arm away. His coat is hard to grasp.

“Come on...!”

He’s heavy and churning.

“Let me be, you can’t hel—”

He pushes you away. The rumble from the mountain turns louder, making him flinch and look upwards. You slap him across the face. Hard. It doesn't hurt, you can't feel your fingers in the cold anyway. But he can.

“Follow me fuckwit, now!”

He stumbles, ends up covered in snow. You fail to drag him up again in a last effort. He's too tall and massive.

The avalanche has almost reached the bottom of the valley when you shove, no, kick him past the doorstep and turn the key. Whatever caused him to get back up, it must have been a miracle.

Minute after minute passes with him and you jammed together at the ground, enduring the shaking, the roar outside. The lodge is still for seconds, but when you get up, another quake brings you down. He’s wincing next to you, coiled up inside the coat. When the roar subsides, none of you dares to rise for minutes on end. Once you dare to, he still remains cowering.

“Come on up, that was that,” you point to the sofa for him to sit. He bucks on the ground, then heaves himself up with the help of both arms. When he sits down on the couch, it feels like he collapses under the seeming weight of a metric ton.

“You were right. I’m a dumbass.”

He shifts in the pillows, rubbing his temples. “That was the worst case scenario.”

“Twice for me,” you grumble, “It’s my second day in Canada and I have more common sense than a trucker? What’s your name, anyways?”

“Namjoon. I’m actually a rookie driver.”

“You meant accident driver! You almost got both of us dead and frozen! Aren’t you supposed to have enough training beforehand to do this?”

“The shock. I, I messed up everything. I’m sorry. My job is history.”

“That’s the only thing you’re worried about?”

“Yes, I mean, no! I’m glad you did that.”

“Won’t do it again. Now you stay here and don’t move an inch.”

“Listen, I’m really grateful, I—”

“Just wait here. You look like a fucking wax figure. Unlucky devil. I'm Y/N.”

He nods, tries to wipe his face more than once with the back of his hand. You browse the back of the room to search for what you wanted to look for earlier, but were too tired.

Well. Now you aren't anymore.

The kitchen has quite a few supplies, in fact. Pots, tinned food, even bread. Some pieces of pastry with either almonds or raisins. Bless Jin.

“We can’t do anything now,” you shrug, “might as well have a can of soup.”

Namjoon only mumbles. He doesn't look any less jazzed. If the lodge had a bathtub, you would have him submerged there with whiskey in the water to get some life into him. Who knows how he managed to make his trailer break loose like that.

The pot heats quickly on the oven, it’s only a matter of two minutes. Soon, a scent of chicken, peas, and spicy pepper spreads in the room. After tossing two more blocks of wood into the fireplace, you find cutlery and crockery in a slightly lopsided cupboard and take two each. Once the two serves are ready, you pass him one, and he snaps out of his paralysis. Sort of. You feel a bit more lenient.

“Here. Sorry I blamed you. Neither was your fault.”

“It’s not that I didn’t provoke fate, don’t say that.”

He stirs the soup, hasty, then begins to spoon it.

“Don’t burn yourself just now.”

“I’ll be careful,” Namjoon slurps, “just feeling very done for, don’t really care.”

Once he’s finished, he waits for your last sip shifting around more, then rushes to clean up the kitchen. He persists putting everything back to its original place and make up for your efforts. You can't stop him. Needing to keep himself occupied, it seems to you. He returns to the couch even more exhausted, not knowing how to compose himself. No eye contact.

“Your clothes,” you seize him up a second time, “get these off, you’re soaked from head to toe. I’ll get you bundled up. The fire’s warm enough now.”

“Right. Right. Good idea, actually.”

His nose and cheeks are twice as rosy than before now, but drenched in cold sweat. The cap comes off, so does the coat. The heavy boots — unlaced.

He’s wearing one thick knit of a sweater and bulky jeans with pockets all over. All wetted by snow, too. You turn away to get a blanket while he strips down to his boxers entirely. Before he’s wrapped up, you find yourself gazing at his body more than once. You won't say anything but he caught the glance.

"What?"

"Do you really wanna know?"

"By, uh, all means?"

“Good-looking for a fuckup.”

"Me?"

"No, I'm talking about Santa Claus. Of course!"

“Oh, thanks I—”

“Nevermind the blanket if you dare.” You nudge his shoulder. His cheeks get even rosier. "Hey. Just kidding," you giggle, and have him wrapped up as promised.

Still, the feeling between your legs won’t betray you.

“Do you... like me?” he fiddles at his thighs ever so awkwardly. It’s hard to believe he was cussing like a sailor outside just minutes ago.

“Can't leave you guessing, babe. As I said." You tug at his hips now. "That blanket can go back to where it came from. Or above us, it's always warmer together. Fancy it?”

He hesitates to answer. But when you smile at him, his dimples form, too.

“I do, Y/N. Above, I mean.”

You get on the couch yourself and lead him downwards, horizontal, by his arm just ever so lightly. The pillows then welcome you, too, huddled tightly by his side. You can feel his heartbeat in staccato. He nods when you ask him whether he’d enjoy a bit more than just cuddles.

“Rather be doing that than messing around outside. We have plenty of time to kill. Your trailer isn't going anywhere.”

“Plenty, what do you wanna do?”

He tempts with one gaze that you think was supposed to be challenging, predatory. But when you pinch his side, it fades faster than it came.

“Plenty of time to make you and me feel like we’re halfway warm again. I’m snowed in on vacation. You shredded your entire cargo. We almost died. Sounds stressful enough for me.”

“Gotta let loose I guess.”

“Why not make a fuckup a real fuck, then?”

"Y/N..."

"Want me to give it to you good?"

Now you poke his dimples, and think they look fascinating.

“Have virtually nothing against it. Just a bit, um...”

"Yes, Joon?"

"Nervous. Sorry about that."

"No problem, don't mind it. Kinda like that, actually."

You trail your hand down his chest, but hardly is it in a hurry. Each inch is worth it. Namjoon is so well-built. He’s just ridiculous, isn’t he.

Outside, the mountains start to grumble again. He flinches.

“Hush, don’t listen.” You bite at his ear, which is surprisingly small for his height. “We’re gonna make this better. Not worse.”

“I’m still afraid,” Namjoon says and buries his head in the nape of your neck. He feels less tense when you plant a little kiss at the crown of his head.

You get a certain thought at that.

“It's okay. We’re gonna play a hot game if you like."

"Hot game?"

"It's a bit risky."

"What's that about? I'm not going outside again."

You shake your head.

"No need. Wanna know the rules?"

"If it's that hot. I mean, sure?"

"I’ll count to hundred. If you can make me cum twice, you get a reward.”

“O-okay.”

"Only hands or mouth allowed. Just my clit and you. Nothing else."

"But why... twice? Only hundred, Christ!"

“If it’s only once, I’ll tease you to bits. But you can’t finish. Twice is a better accomplishment.”

“Fair enough.”

“And,” you nibble at his ear, “If you can’t make me cum at all, you get punished and have to try again. Join the game or leave the game, Fuckup?”

Namjoon goes entirely red when you lower the hem of your pants.

A risky game.

Why not? A little heat like that is fine for a trucker. It’s a little cruel, too. Oddly enough, he likes that quite a lot.

Body faster than any thought, his tongue sneaks out to cover his lips in saliva, but he quickly realizes they won’t stay dry anyways. Not with the prospect of 100 seconds. His head nods a sultry yes.

Namjoon’s lip begins to waver, ever so slowly, but accelerate at the way you intonate the numbers.

“Fifteen, sucker!”

His ears are warm indeed now. You love his lips, they’re like little pillows. And shiny as you briefly see when he emerges as 20. He catches a breath. Too long, because you approach 25. He's trying hard to provide the stimulation.

“Halfway through for the first one! 28!”

Now his hands sneak up. Finally. He gave up his delusion, or say, found what you wanted. Those long, sturdy fingers. The veins, like serpentines around his knuckles. Finger cups, soft but still potent to deliver a strong pressing against your clit. Perhaps too strong. Too inexperienced. He misses the spot a few times. He’s sweating more. The number is 45. In desperation, he switches to tongue again.

Satisfy.

Why can’t I satisfy her. Stupid trucker, do it right. Do at least one thing right today. Are you a man or not?

A painful tug at his hair gets him back to reality when 60 approaches. He’s grateful for the hint, but his tongue won’t function anymore. His lips are coated wet, plump, thumping, and your scent becomes intoxicating to his mind. 71, and he still pokes around aimlessly. 72. 73. He brings up one hand to aid his tongue, parts your folds ready to thrust and lock two fingers inside. But then, Namjoon remembers: No penetration allowed. 78, 79.

Approaching 82, he rubs his palm flat against your pubic bone downwards. It does the trick, the familiar tingle wanders down your abdomen. You’re so wet. But that makes his hand slide off, and he needs more pressure to bring it in place, which makes it even more slippery.

“91, baby boy.”

And you don't count very fast. He’s groaning. The strength in his arm starts to fade. You can tell by how he slows down at 94, but still won’t give up using his tongue. He shoves and shoves, shoves it forward and sidewards, and still: the right spot escapes his prodding. The tension of your thighs around his head is none the stronger. How he wishes it was.

He wants to feel you climax and moan and wind, and scream, by now he’s frantically sucking and grinding his face between your legs, one orgasm! One orgasm, that’s it! He’ll do it! And finally, satisfy—

“Hundred. Game over!”

Nothing.

Satisfy absolutely nothing. Your legs part slightly to release him.

He pulls off eyes downcast. How ludicrous that must have looked like, he can’t even bring forth an apology. Even if his lips have moved more in the last minutes than the last two months on the training road combined.

“Just punish me, Y/N.”

Do I even deserve that? I'm a real fuckwit loser.

“I have sympathies now seeing you worked so much.”

“No punishment?”

“Oh, my baby fool.” You tickle his chin and pick up a bit of the warm drops from there. “More sympathies means stronger punishment, didn’t you know?”

“Then, do it as hard as you can. I’ll take it.”

“No, I won’t.”

“Y/N, I don’t understand.”

“You’ve done the due already without me doing anything. Humiliated yourself enough, didn’t you? Look me in the eye!”

“Sorry...”

“When someone asks for punishment, it truly isn’t one. Punishment has to hurt more than that. It won’t make you feel good. You just took my job.”

That alone almost got you off. But you’ll teach him a lesson today. That means: Self-control.

Namjoon scrambles in the pillows and manages to pull up his glance.

“Kind of. Yes. Maybe I did.”

“Come here, I’ll show you how to do it right.”

Namjoon doesn’t look any less shameful at that. But he comes close to where you beckon him into his embrace. He leans his head against your chest visibly hesitating, but follows at the guidance of your palm at the back of his neck. Namjoon’s heartbeat is still going wild, you can feel it now.

“Won’t humiliate you further after this,” you smooch his sweaty cheek. “You’ll find out how I really come with just a lil’ pointer.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been forcing yourself into being tough and sloppy for 100 seconds straight, didn’t you?”

Namjoon becomes taciturn at that. Still, he nods.

“What I want to see,” and you tap his chest saying that, “is how you are... naturally. Who said you can’t use your hands and mouth elsewhere? My body’s not just one pleasure point and that’s it. You think I'll ever be contented like that in a million years and beyond? I'm a woman. I want more. I want it all, baby, don't you know!”

“O-Oh. I should have—”

“Wanna give it a go again? I think you know what to do. No shoulds and woulds now. Remember the rules.”

“Yes, Y/N.”

So good. The fingers of his left hand are intertwined with your hair, brushing softly just above the scalp when he decides to move them around a bit to explore. It brings back a distant memory.

Going to the barber’s shop in the small town you grew up in. Nothing about their service was cheap, so your parents couldn’t let you go often. Every visit was like entering heaven anew each time you stepped in on a Thursday afternoon. The chubby coiffeur was always friendly, and you loved the sound of his green scissors, the razors, the jasmine shampoo kneaded into your locks. The salon would always be filled with happy people looking at their transformations from all angles, a scent of bleach or hairspray, and Tango music blasting from the stereo in the other room where an apprentice would mix colors and move his hips to the beat thinking nobody would hear and see. There were no worries at that time. The world was okay. You'd even spend a bit of your pocket money for a massage. His hands bring you back to the days, with all the goosebumps and tingles in the same spots. He knows how to move them just right. Namjoon.

Who keeps on whispering in your ear, and trailing his other hand across your belly. All the sensitive places covered and cherished. Slowly pulling off the rest of your clothing. 22. 23.

“I love your body,” he says. “It’s smart like you. And beautiful.”

Namjoon’s lips trace your jawline, upwards, downwards, then return to your ear.

“Can I kiss you, madam?”

“Go ahead, darlin’.”

You barely reach 40 and his lips are indulging your tongue. One hand caressing your back, the other roaming your breasts. It feels like your spine is infused with a fresh, bubbling feeling that lingers the more his lips do their work. They feed back the nectar that they picked up between your thighs so expertly. It's astonishing. You wonder how he didn’t do this earlier. And he seems to catch up on the same thought, too.

He must have figured you like his veins because you get a good view of them. Going in circles on your breasts. While his mouth makes slow, repeated contact with your clit, seemingly ignorant that you’re approaching 65. At 70, his tongue fucks past the damp folds leading upwards to the tender place where his tip stops and plants almost little electrical impulses.

Your clit is so swollen, wherever he brings his tongue up it will contact and give a feeling that you convulse with so much excitement. While his hands continue their magical work at your waist, your hips, your ass. Even your calves and feet. 78, 79. Freaking Namjoon’s hands. Hands, hands, hands, fucking hands. Your skin has never felt more exalted.

“You’re perfect, Miss,” he mumbles into you, intertwines his fingers with yours. "Thank you for picking me up outside."

81, 82. Shit. Your body is on fire.

Namjoon keeps on bringing his tongue forward and alternates with kisses. And then, he directs his thumb between your legs. Gently massaging. Small, dainty pokes. It’s like pushing a button to tip you off the glaring edge. He whispers.

“And I like you, too.”

99.

You’re cumming. So good. So hard. So fucking hard. You’re sorry for his ears, but your legs cramp together so fervently around his head, his exhale is louder than yours. All signs are on fuck it. Your hips jerk and all cum dribbles out. Ruining his face, his hair. The sharp brows, the gorgeous dimpled smile. If another avalanche would come to be your frosty grave now, it wouldn't matter.

You’ve stopped counting by the time you slip on his dick with a condom barely on. Did he get that from the gas station? You’ll never know. Judging by the way he twitches, you know how long this trailer hasn’t seen a parking lot for all that heavy, bulging freight. He’s so nervous. He's so sexy. With that deep voice. That perfect dark hair. It’s getting ecstatic.

If you wanna bounce on him, you’ll do it properly, gradual and sloppy, even if your mind says go and screw his soul out... wherever that trucker soul is, his balls? They need to be crushed, they need to be ruined, you want it all.

The condom eventually bows to your pace and stays where it should, much like Namjoon who looks like he froze completely being so tense. Only your name comes from his lips, over and over. They are trembling, but not because he's cold. Not with that temperature in the room. The friction is just too much, no matter how much he concentrates to keep his hands on you where they tingle. No, he fumbles at your thighs, then returns back to stimulating your sensitive place, and the faint thought returns to you.

The second orgasm.

It already approaches. If it could melt the snow outside with all its heat, it would. Those fingers really do the rest.

He was right that your body is smart.

Being smart means knowing what’s good for you. And, what is that?

Gushing all over his cock and groaning like it’s the last time. Game won. Well, kind of. If you can come on his dick like that and engulf him whole, own him whole, squeeze him whole, the rules are best discarded. The release is so heavenly. You feel so real and satisfied. He did so well. Very well for a fuckup, in fact. All to be smudged and blighted by the spill of your jizz, and it's so pretty on his shaft. You wouldn’t have thought that this emotion would be so powerful after all.

It’s his words that keep on repeating themselves, and they drive you wild. He likes you, too. The scent of pepper and smoke in the room becomes so much more clear in your sensation, ultimately, before blurring into the familiar picture. A winter’s white desert before your eyes. If only it would last forever. Who would have known how capable he is, that charmer, to make you come.

The condom is chucked in a random corner.

You feel funny just lying there sticky talking about how you must have looked like kicking and yelling at each other earlier. But well, there is nobody else to laugh at you here. Maybe just the moon and the stars outside. Cackling how two idiots could get stuck in a lodge like this. At least, they are silent. Maybe that is eerie, but then again, Namjoon is next to you. His presence is comforting. He doesn’t snore and burp like you thought he would, or pull out a giant cigar to huff himself to sleep humming country songs. But it would have suited the atmosphere inside.

You are hungry again, but too lazy to get up. So late, so exhausted, and you're stuck here for longer anyways. No urgency. Time to sleep says the rest of your body save the stomach, and the stars go on giggling by themselves. They know it. Humans are all complete morons.

Namjoon wakes up with the messiest, sexiest hair you’ve ever seen. And, is that a beard coming out? You must be mistaken.

He says he must have tossed and turned, oh lord is he grumpy, but you don’t recall him being such a restless sleeper when you briefly got up at dawn. The toilet in the lodge was indeed prepared like you suspected, because Seokjin won’t fear getting his hands dirty. At this point, you feel like paying him for all the work he’s done. And the foresight. You're almost sure he gave Namjoon condoms for free. It's not hard to imagine how he realized what a hot piece of fuck was arriving at the gas station in his damn coat. And that sailor mouth, which you now think deserves better than calling it just that.

You get your breakfast together, set up the table, Namjoon does most of the work even if his mood isn’t the best and his clothes aren't completely dry. Who knows how long the food will last while you are stuck here, so he creates smaller rations. A bit of bread today. A bit later. It’s like a small lump on your plates.

You talk about how many miles he needed to drive to get to Alberta where a promotion waits. Well, would wait. And how you'll likely be way too behind on schedule now to continue the vacation. You can scrap it all if you can't reach the next station. The bread is only a small consolation, but you know that past counting to hundred and having fun to get a bit warmer you are in serious trouble. Two unlucky devils in one spot, and you can drink to that. Dreams are but shadows.

But before you can dig in, a brazen knock interrupts the conversation.

The door.

Which you thought would have been blocked entirely by night. But it's not. It's half open. A voice reverberates outside, again, accompanied by several other knocks.

“506? You in there? It’s 507! Got your signal last night! Manager Hyuna sent us!”

“It's you! Hobi!”

Namjoon hurries to the door. Opening it, a bunch of rugged-looking truckers welcome you with their shovels. Namjoon can’t help himself, he starts jumping around. The trucker with the cap standing at the door greets you with a nonchalant handshake. He's devastatingly sexy.

“Hi! Jung Hoseok, went to the academy with Joon. And these handsome chaps here: Yoongi, Tae, JK. We'll get you two wherever ya need to be. We got someone to clear the area, too.”

Well.

Canada's great.

No matter how icy it is.

Thank you for reading! | Do not repost or translate.

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