#i’m probably gonna delete this later bc this feels like such a dumb question to ask

[death-himself]

this feels like really a dumb question, but is it actually legal for mcyts to use minecraft skins made by other people?

like i don’t think philza or tubbo made their own main skins that they’re most known for, considering they’re just bleach and south park characters

so they’re basically using someone else’s art without paying them or crediting them for it, but also it feels really dumb for a minecraft skin to not be fair use right?

it feels like one of those situations where the creator of the skin could feasibly sue, but also why would they bother

[inyoursheets]

7 17 36!

7. what was your life like last year? 

(jason mendoza voice) well, my year started about a year ago. it was probably one of the most interesting years of my life so far? maybe the hardest, idk? a lot happened, i think i did a lot of Growing UpTM. i was very very busy at first with my research masters and a bunch of extracurricular bullshit and then something happened in my family that forced us all to spend more time together, which made me realize a lot of things about myself and my family, and then, after debating it for months, i moved to the uk -- which turned out to be a great decision. i had such a good time and it gave me a sense of perspective and space that i didn’t know i needed. and i dated for the first time in ever, which was also fun! am totally not yearning/wondering about what could have been! nope! haha! ha! ha

17. opinion on insecurities. 

insecurities are dumb and u shouldn’t have them. jk! false! it’s very normal to have insecurities! we are taught to be insecure about so many things in so many ways, to a point where it can feel unnatural to not be insecure about xyz thing! ppl will even attack you for not being insecure about certain things, probs bc it increases their own insecurity levels and/or threatens power hierarchies! many insecurities are connected to social axes such as race, class, gender, sexuality, size, dis/ability, religion -- and then you throw capitalism into the mix and now we’ve got a bunch of industries specifically designed to profit off of our insecurities! good times!

my conclusion, as a fat woman, is that people (and billion dollar industries such as the diet industry and the cosmetics industry) don’t actually want me to love my body, or myself. they don’t! they want me to be insecure and self-conscious and ashamed about my size, they want to to act out a specific role, that of the insecure fat girl, and inhabit and carry my body in specific ways, bc if i’m confident and don’t feel ashamed of my size, the world will crumble! if fat isn’t actually morally inferior/ugly/worthless/lazy/etc. then thin people would have to face the reality that all the time and energy they put in trying not to look like me is for nought! there’s lots more here to unpack and i feel like im not wording these things right and all of these things are so complicated and cannot be divorced from other issues such as racism and sexism and capitalism, but here’s a start.

my point is -- insecurities suck, they’re usually based on lies people and, more importantly, institutions and industries try to sell you, and i wish for everybody that they will one day know what it feels like to no longer have those insecurities -- and it’s completely normal to have them. there is no shame in having insecurities! it’s very hard to not buy into them. you have to put in so much conscious effort and energy into ridding yourself of insecurities that you’ve had for a lifetime -- and even then, it’s not a static thing. it’s not just a question of simply ‘changing your mind’ when the majority of society disagrees with you, when they don’t want you to gain confidence. some days im like: fuck fatphobia! im hot as fuck! also my worth is not defined by my looks so it doesn’t even matter! and then two hours later i’ll go outside and get fatcalled, or catcalled, or i’ll see my body in the reflection of a window, and suddenly my whole resolve crumbles, even tho i know on an intellectual level that it’s not true, the lie that i’m about to give into. it’s not easy. it’s not a matter of flicking a switch, even tho i sincerely wish it was. something that does help, or at least it did for me, is learning how those bigger systems, such as fatphobia, racism, colorism, misogyny, transphobia, are at work. this helps to see that it is not you, individually, who is lacking something or doing something wrong. there are entire institutions and industries who contribute to you feeling this way -- and profit off it (wow look at me, writing my thesis one tumblr ask at a time!)

37. favourite actor/actress 

oh!!!!! viola davis! sandra oh bc she carried grey’s anatomy, no questions at this time ty! christine baranski bc mamma mia! the good wife! a bad moms christmas!!!!! i desperately want her in more comedies! kathryn hahn, who, i kid you not, is always the funniest person in a movie, no matter how small her role is! also, melissa mccarthy, kate mckinnon, retta, and of course, the only man worthy of mention, manny montana. i watch in amazement how he portrays rio. this man.......amazing.

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? 

......................ok so i just realized you asked 36 instead of 37, damn it! im not even gonna delete that, they’re all too amazing for me to do that, soz. as for the dreams -- loving myself! writing a book (or, finishing a story that could be a book)! sucking it up and getting the bisexual nose piercing like i know i want to!

thank youuuuuuuu!!!! nice asks to help me procrastinate <3

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #225

“i tried to write your name in the rain, but the rain never came.”

How many times a day do you check your cell to see if you have a text? Considering my dumb phone doesn't let me know I have texts half the time, I do multiple times throughout the day. Ever wonder if the person you hate will become the person you marry? HA HA YOOOOOOOOOOOO SARA AND I DID AND NOW I DEADASS WANNA MARRY HER TOMORROW How many times a day do you wash your hands? It varies. After I use the bathroom or if I'm about to touch food. You walk in on your parents smoking pot, what do you do? lol h u h How old were you when you had your first crush? Hell if I know. I do remember as a young kid though, I was very much "ew boys no thnx." Maybe like... 5th grade? When was the last time you asked God for something? A long, long time ago. Your opinion on smoking: Just don't, dude. It's money going towards gradual suicide. No one likes the smell. You sure won't like how it affects your body. It's an addiction/it's stressful to stop. I'm not gonna like, judge you if you smoke, but nevertheless, I'll tell anyone it's an awful idea. Make love or fuck? It depends on the mood. I was more into the former mood back when that even applied to me, though. Have you ever cried so much over something that later felt like nothing? Oh, I can assure you I have. The last time you were afraid of the dark was: I'm not really scared of the dark, but one time I got up semi-recently in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and after one incident, I was so, so careful and nervous to step on Bentley's tail. He lost his fucking mind on me when I did it once, of course on accident. The TV was off by this point, so I couldn't see well at all. I love having a dog that fucking scares me. How often do you say I love you to your parents and mean it? A whole lot. Your boyfriend/girlfriend say they can’t hang out & it’s been two weeks. You? I mean sure, it sucks, but if they're legitimately busy, they're busy. Have you ever wanted a wild animal for a pet? If yes what animal? I had a phase where I really wanted a fox, and now I am DEAD serious about fostering opossums at some point. When you go to sleep, do you have to have white noise or silence? SILENCE. Though I don't really get /total/ silence 'cuz I have to have my fan on. My room's always hot. Have you ever gotten in a fight with a teacher? No. Ever had a creepy dream about a teacher? No. Where were you when you had your first sleepover? Your house or a friends’? I believe I was at my then-best friend's house. I had suuuuch bad separation anxiety from my mom that I know I was older than most kids who did. What are you limits for doing stuff for money? I'd never do sexual favors or seriously hurt someone for it. Is there someone you are mean to all the time for no reason? No. I'll admit I'm typically rather short with Bentley, but Jesus, do I have reason. When you think of love what’s the first that comes to mind? Sara. How do you calm your mind and find peace when you are stressed? My best bet is going to sleep; that's pretty much, usually, my reset button. Have you ever given someone flowers? I gave Jason flowers once or twice. I gave my mom some for Mother's Day as a kid. How often do you get on Facebook? A couple times a day... mainly just to see memes lmaoooo. What day of the week is usually your busiest day? Good Lord, Tuesdays. I'm at school for 13 hours. Mostly sitting in the library waiting for classes, but. I do study a whole lot, though, and it's when I get a bunch of schoolwork done. Is there a place that you will never return back to? Idk. When was the last time that you created a PowerPoint? I'm actually working on/off one for FYS 'cuz we have to do this "Lifeline" thing where we introduce ourselves and give our stories. Guess who's not fucking ready. Do you like group work? NO. NO. Particularly if it's with people I don't know. Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No. Is music or the TV on while you complete this survey? I'm listening to Chase Holfelder's cover of "Kiss The Girl" rn. Does your grass need cut currently? No. Do you listen to Nirvana? Occasionally. What color are the doors in your house? White. Have your friends ever not wanted you to be with someone? Probably. What is your favorite use for whipped cream? I hate that stuff. What is your favorite flower? Orchids. And your favorite nut? Ew no thanks. Can you curse in a foreign language? Of course I know "fuck" and "shit" in German lmao. Are you fond of spaghetti? Hell yeah man. Have you ever played in the mud? I sure did zoom through it on my bike as a kid. Do you remember what your first real relationship felt like? That relationship ultimately led to PTSD, how could I possibly forget. Who can make you happy no matter what? Sara, Mark, and Game Grumps are particularly good at that. How tall are you? 5'4.5'' Are there any animals near you? No, I'm at school rn. Do have a lot of lists? No. Are you a godparent? No. Do you sleep too much or not enough? Eh, it depends on the day and my mood. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? Yep. How many relationships have you been in that lasted less than a year? Four. Where were you going the last time you were on a train? Never been on one before. Do you think having a bad temper is a sign of immaturity? I mean, no? It's an interesting question and I guess a "maybe," but. I feel this depends on the trigger. Have you ever been significantly more physically fit than you are now? I was a fucking yoga master babe in 9th grade, fuckin fite me. When growing up, did your parents keep the house very tidy? I guess? It wasn't dirty. How many watches do you own? Zero. Are there any ways in which you greatly differ from everyone else in your family? Political views, I guess? Or the fact I'm bi? I only know of one person in my extended family that's gay. Should teenagers be allowed to have their cell phones with them in class? No shit? Emergencies are a thing? BUT, respect the teacher, please. I cannot stand people using their phone in class, especially here in college. You're paying a shitload to learn. Spend that time as you're supposed to. Take education seriously. If your phone's on vibrate for said emergency situations, that's cool. Do you have any gay relatives? Lol oh. Yeah, Mom has a cousin. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Yeah. Have you unfollowed, deleted, or blocked anyone on social media recently? I deleted my sister's mother-in-law in fury over her homophobia because I've seriously had it, then just a few days ago actually I went through my Facebook list deleting people I just didn't really feel connected to/didn't really care to follow their journey anymore. How many cups of coffee do you typically drink per day? Zero. Do you know what your vocal range is? It's not broad. I'd say I'm probably in a rank slightly lower than most women. What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made? I've never really been in the position to be capable of that. I've never had a source of income. If so, what sub-genres of metal do you like the best? Probably heavy. Or symphonic, though I haven't found too many artists in that sub-genre that I really enjoy. But BOY, when I do? I will BINGE that shit to the ends of the earth. Have you ever turned down someone who didn’t handle the rejection well? Ha ha oh man, I remember in 4th grade, this kid Nick was desperate to date me. It was endearing and cute, but he asked kinda obsessively. Then jfc, when I broke up with Tyler, you would've thought I was Jason and he was me, holy shit. How large is your largest scar, and what is it from? Well, I can't see it, so I actually don't know. I guess kinda long, but not wide. It's from a cyst removal surgery. Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? Omg, my Writing teacher. She really liked my writing on my essay. I was so flattered. When was the last time you went for a walk? Like, just a casual walk for the sake of walking? Not since I was at Sara's last. That was when my muscle atrophy was starting to get extremely bad though and I was very close to death omg. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a large difference in maturity levels? I don't think so. When cooking a meal, do you clean up as you go or wait til you’re done? I don't know how to cook. Do you develop crushes easily? NO. I am soooooo romantically picky. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? A month or more with Colleen after we were evicted. That was a really good time, honestly, regardless of how we feel about each other now. I don't think anyone's done something so selfless for me, and we really did have fun. How bad was your acne when you were a teenager? I'd say it was normal for someone that age. Do you like salsa that has fruit in it? NO. Do you think stained glass windows are pretty? Hell yeah. That was my favorite thing about the church I grew up with; Catholic churches tend to truly have incredible stained glass. Are you scared of snakes? Nope, snakes are Baby. Have you had your wisdom teeth removed? No; I only have two, and I just slightly have enough room for them. Do you like hard or soft pretzels better? I strongly prefer soft. Have you ever been carded when buying something? Yes. Do you eat meat? Regretfully. Can you sleep with the light on? NOOOOOOOOOO. I have to truly be exhausted. Have you ever broken a bone? No, but I did fracture my wrist as a kid. Have you ever made ice cream in chemistry class? Bitch I wish, tf. Do you use the microwave often? Considering a bitch can't cook, yes. Microwavable meals are the reason I am alive. Have you ever painted a room? No. What’s in your copy and paste? This survey. Do you know anyone that’s painfully, socially awkward? Fuckin ME JFC. How do you usually pose in your pictures? With the left side of my face facing the camera (bc my hair kinda swoops over the right side), and I'll usually smile with my teeth or do a :D face bc at least I look happy instead of high with my squinty-ass eyes. :') Do you know anyone that absolutely freaks out if you try to take a picture of them? um????????? me?????????????? Do you pick on them for it and attempt to take loads of pictures anyway? If someone doesn't want me to take a picture of them, I absolutely don't push them 'cuz I totally get it. How’s your posture? Bad. Have you ever had to take care of a fake baby in family ed? Thank God in Heaven no. I. Would. Have. Raged. ^ were you a good mother/father? N/A What’s your favorite way to wear your hair up? My hair is too short for that. But I generally find french braid buns SO pretty. Have you ever read a ‘banned’ book? Uh, I don't think so. What does your screen name mean? Favorite animal, meerkats, + favorite artist, Ozzy Osbourne. Have you ever had to take a sobriety test? N- no wait. They were mandatory when I've gone to the ER for suicidal thoughts. Do you like movies more if they’re based on actual events? It doesn't really matter to me. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done with your cell phone? Idk, dropped it? What’s your opinion on gold diggers? Selfish, or smart? Both? Uh, I don't think it's exactly debatable to call it selfish... I mean, you're dating for the sake of monetary gain...? What would you do if your bf/gf was hitting on someone else right in front of you? I couldn't even try to picture her doing that, but obviously I'd be uncomfortable and jealous. What’s something you’ve done that you’ve sworn you’d never do? Idk, multiple things. Which ex of yours do you talk to the most? I only talk to Girt. Can you recall the first person you ever drank/got drunk/high with? I drank with family, probably, but I've never reached the point of being drunk, and I've never been high. ^ are you still friends? I mean, I love my family. Have you ever taken someone else’s vehicle without permission? No. What were you doing the last time you were videotaped? *shrugs* Is that something you’d be comfortable uploading and sharing? I don't know what it would be. Which friend wears the same size clothes as you do? Probably none? I don't have many friends to compare to. Is there anyone’s wardrobe that you’d like to steal? UM Suzy Hanson is a B A B E? ?? ? ? ??? I adooooorrrrre her clothing line (Psychic Circle), too, and so wanna buy something. Have you ever been lost in the woods? DARLIN I've watched The Blair Witch Project 2 much for that shit. What did you last stretch the truth about? Idk. Have you ever had withdrawals from something? Caffeine, and then WoW for quite a few months after I stopped playing for like, a year or more. Is there anyone on your friend’s list you know next to nothing about? I know at least one of Mom's friends that I've only met once, and briefly. How old is 'too old’ for you to date? I wouldn't date over 30 (I absolutely stg that has nothing to do with H I S age being 30 lmaoooo). How do you feel about guys in tight jeans? Skinny jeans look good on like, anyone. Favorite hour-long show? Uhhh idk. Well, at least out of the shows I used to like and would be most interested in watching, The Good Doctor. Favorite half-hour show? Meerkat Manor. Most people who’ve slept over at your house all at once? My current house? Just one, I think. Steak or chicken? Chicken. I'm piiiiickyyyy w/ steak. Is flirting really cheating? Yes, if you're clearly not just teasing. What’s something you own that’s /only/ of sentimental value? My pebble from my partial hospitalization program. What’s your choice of chips? Girrrrrllll gimme Cool Ranch Doritos. What song would you use to torture someone? i t ' s  f r i d a y  f r i d a y What is the weirdest compliment you have ever received? Probably that my nose was cute? If someone REALLY fat was upset, and saying how FAT they were, what would you say? First off, NOT say "you're not fat omg ur beautiful." I'M overweight and don't like when people say that. I'm perfectly aware that you're lying "for my own sake," which is sweet, but it's not helpful. Motivate me/the person to improve without being an asshole. Let them know I believe in them, which I do for ANYONE. If I could lose 60-70 pounds in a year, anyone can. What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard a kid say? So when I was very little and my mom gave me orange juice, I freaked out because it had pulp in it. And what did I say? "I CAN'T DRINK THAT IT HAS NIPPLES IN IT" look idk don't ask but boy does Mom love sharing that story. A random stranger walks up to you and says 'you’re hot’. You say: Most likely "go away." Possibly "thank you, but please go away." Actually yeah, that's more likely. Like it's flattering to know someone finds you attractive, but yeah, that's just uncomfortable for some stranger to do that. I also wouldn't want to really piss the person off. Do you send messages on Facebook a lot? Definitely not. Almost the only person ever would be Girt. Have you ever gone to a strip club? No. Not my kinda scene. Like I absolutely will not think less of someone who does this, but I just don't like but moreso feel bad for men or women who reduce themselves to their sexual capabilities. Do you like Chinese food over pizza? Hell nah man. Pizza is supreme. What color is your watch? I'm not wearing one. I never do. Do you believe in love at first sight? Absolutely not. Visual attraction, of course that's real, but I promise you dear, you don't love someone upon looking at them. When you eat Frosted Flakes, do you add sugar in it? I hate that stuff. Who’s the biggest hugger you know? Ashley's father-in-law's mom. ... At least I think that's what she is? Do you want to change your name? Nah, it's fine. Have you ever tried to erase someone from your memory? Of course I have.

[ilovechristopheralexandershaw]

What would your ideal drarry fic be? Like, how would they get together, what tropes would be involved, what would be your ideal story line? Any squicks or triggers or things you aren't interested in? Any HC's with the two of them? :D

THIS IS THREE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY SEVEN WORDS OR SOMETHING HELP ME

Whoo boi, honey, lemme tell you, this answer gave me some s t r e s s. Tumblr, can you just...idk, have a save drafts option for asks? No?

Anyways, back to the point. Snuggle down into your blankets y’all, ‘cause this is gonna be one long post.

What would my ideal drarry fic be? Okay, siriusly, legit anything with angst. Copious amounts of angst. Drown me in the angst. I’m always willing to read an angsty fic, almost always as willing to read a fluffy fic and occasionally have an urge for smut but that’s like…every three months or so lmao. I prefer a story that isn’t based on the size of one’s cock. (Sorry if that’s a little crude). I’m fine with any length of fic, as long as it has a good story behind it and if it hopefully has some heart-wrenching moments that make me feel like I might have a soul after all. I love fics that keep their character – not too much, though – and have them arguing with each other all the time – its more real to me, and makes me laugh. I love drarry because of that, because it’s that ship that will keep their relationship, unlike idk shrek and Fiona who fall for each other and lose their old self completely. Drarry is that ship that stays intact and old and new at the same time, and that’s why I love it. 

How would they get together? I have this vision of the two getting together slowly. First it’s banter, insults, hexing, all the while having miscommunication and some serious pining because I’m an absolute sucker for that shit. As I said, angst. Hate turns to like and death threats to exasperated, witty little replies, private jokes between the two of them – a Malfoy Stinks embroidered on his robes in place of Healer Malfoy.

I love fics where there’s just that one, final leap of – I have to do it, otherwise I’ll never get another chance, I don’t care about the consequences. If it’s a kiss that gets them together, in that ‘final chance’ way, I love it when the other is too shocked, and the first person just loses all hope (I mean until like two seconds later when they’re snogging the life out of each other lmao). Basically just a slow build and all the sass 😊 

Tropes? Okay, I’m gonna admit that even though I’ve been in the fandom for a few months, I still can’t define so much, but I hope most of what I write here is legible.

I love coffeeshop Aus, I find them really cute and sweet, and a blushing Malfoy is always a bonus. Eighth year is my absolute jam, unless it’s a drinking fic in which case no thanks. I love friends to lovers or enemies to lovers – the slow build, especially if the author has timed it perfectly, is just argh, I love it. Pining has been mentioned like a hundred times already but I’m going to say it again just because. Roommates are okay, I guess, but not exactly my go-to. I do like muggle Aus, and even though I think Potter should be a teacher, I enjoy the action in an Auror Partners fic, too. Also uh..oops? This was supposed to be tropes that were involved not the tropes you like you dumb butt. That’s not what Nonny asked.

My ideal storyline for a drarry fic? Not sure if this is what you’re asking but I’m gonna go with it and if I’m wrong then I’m wrong y’know?

As I said, I like fics with pining. I love a number of storylines, but I’m just gonna choose one for this thing since it’s already almost if not over two thousand words (is anyone even reading this? Who cares, I’m having fun) okay I checked its like over 2600 help me. Also this turned out into a fic not an ideal storyline hhhhhhhh

I guess I like fics with slow-building pining, going from meeting together at work or having to work together for some reason in eighth year, or just seeing each other in eighth year. PTSD gets them together, but so does the (admittedly weaker) banter, since nobody understands either of them – the Saviour and the Ex Death Eater. The press is still going off about the war, and everyone has their own ways of coping. Soon enough, they’re friends – (ok let’s pretend this is eight year) and helping each other through the bad days. And soon enough, the insults that hit closer to home for others but not them, the inside jokes, the love of Quidditch, the homework assistance – all this time around each other turns to pining. Malf-Draco, with his white-blond hair and black turtlenecks that he kept even though that was what he wore as a Death Eater. With his now self-deprecating jokes instead of hurtful insults. With his smile, that shows his sneer lines of the past. With his blue-gray eyes. With his knowing smirk when they’ve done one of their own eighth year pranks. Even with his wonky Charms and obsession with stroking the Dark Mark and the way he stops in front of the Room of Requirement every time they pass. And Harry, with his mop of untidy hair and glasses that have had Reparo used on them who knows how many times by now? With his bright green eyes, with his surprisingly pale skin, with the way he disappears into the forest every now and then, staring at the clearing where Voldemort once thought him dead. They pine, they’re oblivious, and finally, Pansy spills it to draco, an exasperated ‘will you kiss him or not’ just as Harry rounds the corner in his invisibility cloak. ‘are you stupid. Pans? We’re just friends.’ (wow ideal storyline this is a mini fic by now what am I doing with life my math sheet is like right in front of me I should be doing that). The questions, that night, in their respective beds. And the finale, with Harry rethinking ‘we’re just friends’ in his head in the final Seeker-to-seeker game, Draco leaning in.

Finally. 

Okay, squicks. Here we go. First of all, I don’t really like fics where they speak really…I don’t know, childishly? To each other eg. too many cheesy pet names (‘Hi hun,’ he giggled, taking the offered plate), since my idea of drarry is a couple that banters all the time, not one that sits around squealing at each other. That’s the main reason I ship them, after all.

Another squick, although this just annoys me more than makes me uncomfortable, is when there’s a fic involving children where the author makes their speech like that of a baby. Five year olds and younger can make legible sentences, so it’s sometimes irritating when eight-year-old Scorpius is saying ‘dada give h-h-hoog’ if you get my drift.

Daddy kink is another thing. If you like it, good for you but personally, I- *shudders* no thanks. It’s just – okay, my dad’s like over fifty, and that’s what I imagine if I think of that. Sex with my dad? I’ll pass. Calling your boyfriend your ‘daddy’? I- no no no just no I’m sorry but no.

Okay, I’ll rephrase. Most, if not all kinks make me uncomfortable – I’ve said daddy already, Parseltongue (just any other language) is just weird to me (it’s not disgusting, I just find it kind of dubious I guess.), any sort of pet play is similar if not worse than daddy kink, choking or breath play sounds more like rape (I’m crude, handle it), lingerie is just hella weird and I don’t even want to know what tentacles are, thank you very much. I’ll stick to my vanilla sex.

Any sort of sex toy/tool use is also a squick (including painful BDSM stuff), but I’m not sure if that’s kink so I’ll just add it here.

I don’t mind OOC fics, but, again, if they’re too soft (unless it’s some sort of caring angsty oneshot e.g. most of @rose-grangerweasleyisbae ‘s ones) then they most likely don’t work with me either. 

Triggers? No, I haven’t read any fics that have triggered me in any way and I’m not sure if I have any. Most are squicks.

Fics, or tropes, I guess, that I’m not interested in would include either one being some sort of Magical Creature (although there are some exceptions – some writers make really good fics with these tropes), and by that I mean any humanoid creature such as a werewolf, vampire etc. Veela especially. Also, anything with mates. (Fun fact, in my first answer that got deleted, I wrote a headcanon fic thing with draco as a bowtruckle since I said I don’t know if that’s a squick bc I’ve never read it and decided to do it for fun)      

Dunno what this is, but I’m gonna include it as well – I also don’t like fics where their entire supposedly ‘loving’ relationship is completely based on sex. I’m okay with it if they’re supposed to be fuckbuddies at that point in the relationship, but if this is what the author is calling their ‘established relationship’, I don’t really like it. 

Any fic that loses the banter after their getting together, where their world and source of happiness is completely revolving around the other – that is also one of my disinterests. As I said, I ship drarry for the sass and banter (and angst). Not the sappy love. 

I don’t really like unhealthy relationships – I read a fic where the whole reason Draco allowed Potter to date him was because he complimented his flying skills, not because he liked him. That’s a really minor example, but basically any fic without actually liking each other or as I said, an unhealthy relationship, doesn’t take my fancy. Unless, of course, they’re fixing it. 

A fic that starts somewhere in the books, eg. third year or something, don’t normally take my fancy, but, again, there is the occasional exception that I turn out to love.

Not exactly Drarry but any poly relationships with the two of them are also a disinterest – I feel like they’re the ones for each other. Dunno if this sounds polyphobic or whatever it’s called, and it probably does, but that’s not it. I just personally don’t think Drarry need another person. Other ships, maybe. Drarry? Not for me. 

Eighth year fics that are based on drinking and drinking games also aren’t my thing (omg there’s like eight million alsos here what am i doing don’t shoot me please (ok i fixed it)). I just don’t like them. 

And fics with any sort of bonding lose my interest pretty quickly, especially sexual magic bonds. Mpreg, as well, again, I’ll read the occasional fic but most of the time I don’t really like it. 

Age difference, again, are something I find strange, and I can go on for hours but this is now around three thousand words and I should stop so y’all can go read your fics lmao.

 And um I’ll give you two headcanons as my way of apologising for the unbelievably late reply

 Harry, lying on the ground, blood dripping from a massive slash in his stomach, chest barely moving, lips slightly parted, tinged red with drying blood

Malfoy, now just a colleague, they’ve lost the schoolboy animosity, hovering over him, wand casting diagnostic spells even though he knows they’re no use – he knows the curse but he doesn’t know the exact variation – and the wrong healing spell will kill the Saviour – he can’t take that chance.

‘Scared, Malfoy?’

His head jerks up, pale eyes widening at the old question thrown back at him. Shoulders slump, his lungs heaving from all he spells he’s cast

‘Yes’ 

Idk just the idea of that final admittance – yes. Idk, just, my heart, man.

Okay headcanon 2 which is more of a fic by this point (someone help me im so bad at headcanons. Like this is all fleshed out in my head but ugh)

Eighth year holidays, Draco is sitting alone at the blazing fire in the common-room, strangely enough knitting, as he talks, friendly but quiet to a surprisingly happy Moaning Myrtle (the common room is where the old bathroom was)

Hermione Jean Granger sits down next to him and he flinches, almost expecting a slap like third year – he’s had hexes from Muggleborns who had nothing to do with the war, and here’s the Saviour’s friend – of course she’s gonna –

She pulls out a massive textbook, quill, inkpot, blotting paper and three rolls of parchmment from her bag, tucks her bushy hair behind one ear, and starts scratching away

He’s surprised, but still too nervous to ask why

It becomes a habit, her sitting there there, him as well, talking to Myrtle, doing Potions work, knitting as well

They start talking to each other, he finds out she Obliviated her parents and doesn’t want to come back just yet, even though she knows the Dark Lord’s gone

She finds out he’s too scared to go home, with all the memories

They become friends of sorts, helping each other when they can

When the holidays end, there are a few double takes, but nobody really questions it. After all, it’s Hermione, she never was too against Malfoy (nobody really saw that slap) and she’s always been a rule-follower. They assume its part of Mcgonagall’s asking for peace between Slytherins and Gryffindors

I mean, Ron does complain about her hanging about the ferret nowadays and not around her boyfriend, but he gets it. Besides, their ‘sessions’, if you will, are always when there’s Quidditch practice for Harry and Ron (they help train the younger years)

So yeah, it’s not too bad (and this isn’t Dramione I promise although I do ship it occasionally)

One day, though, she brings out a bundle of knitting herself. To his surprise, she knits a single sock and puts it in a box

He asks her why

‘For Dobby’

And he remembers. He remembers the strange little house elf, the one he loved as a kid but had no way of showing it. He remembers his father’s hatred of that elf in particular He remembers scowling at the poor thing, ranting to it – it was a way of venting, but in true Malfoy-raised fashion, he’d been so cruel to it as well, laughing as it jammed its fingers in doors, encouraging its pain.

He leaves the common room early that night

Next day, the Golden Trio isn’t there. Hermione (no longer Granger) isn’t there

He knitted a single sock that morning himself. He’d heard the story from their talks. He wanted to contribute. A way of apology, if you will. If it even counted. Today’s the day the elf passed away, and Hermione had said she put a sock in there for everyone

It’s pretty obvious where they’ve gone. He Apparates there after class, and finds the grave easily. It’s got a bundle of Conjured flowers, stems wrapped around the rock that serves as a headstone, and the box of socks is right there too. (what am I doing this is meant to be a short drarry hc and I haven’t even brought potter in yet help)

He starts crying

He spent last night remembering. Remembering how even through all the pain he caused that elf, a single smile, a single ‘thanks for listening, Dobby’ would make the elf bow and weep at his feet. He remembers how cruel he was, how the elf just…took it in his stride. He remembers losing the house elf, realising Potter had stolen something else of his. He remembers

And he lets it go. He spills all of it to a gravestone, apologies and ‘I know it won’t mean anything’ and ‘I didn’t know but that’s no excuse’ and ‘you always listened, how did you always listen?’ and ‘thank you’ and most of all ‘I’m so so sorry’ stumbling over each other as he tries to explain, to finally let it out

He’s crying and sniffling and that’s making it even harder to speak but he needs to say this, even though Dobby is dead, even though he’s apologised to so many people – this is one of the few that listened to him, and he’s treated the elf like garbage.

Tears drip onto the single sock in his hands

It’s hours later when he finishes. Well, not exactly finished, but he’s said enough that he thinks he’s explained himself and said sorry – even though it’ll never be enough. He’s cast a Light Charm (not a lumos ok it’s bigger don’t correct me) and he leans over to put the now-damp sock into the box too. A final ‘I’m so sorry’ and he stands up, turns around

And comes face to face with the Golden Trio

Hermione stares at him, then grabs him in a massive hug

Ron looks at him, slightly awkwardly but at her glare, he offers a tight smile

 And Harry? (wow how long has it taken for me to get here god) is just staring. Openmouthed. Who knew Malfoy had felt this much about a house elf?

And yeah that’s the point where he realises Malfoy isn’t that bad and then they go back to Bill and Fleur’s (Hermione explains along the way that they went back to the grave bc they saw the Charm and were in shock – was Dobby back?)

‘did you hear all of it?’

‘we heard enough, Draco’

 And when they get back to Hogwarts, well, it’s slow building at first. Potions help when Hermione’s out on a date with Ron, a butterbeer in the school kitchens on a Hogsmeade weekend when they want to hide from the public but enjoy the drink

But over time, the pining and the miscommunication and Draco getting back to his (albeit weak) banter with Potter leads to one thing. You know what it is.

Drarry

You know what I’m having fun writing trashy hcs so here’s a third (although it ain’t drarry. It ain’t any ship)

Alright so there is no hairdresser at Hogwarts or Hogsmeade or anywhere near the castle (I mean it was never mentioned in the books was it so this is possibly canon)

Therefore, most kids have to use spells

But we all know that each of us probably has a haircut that is somehow slightly different to one another, and there aren’t that many hair care spells in the world let alone known by a few teachers in Hogwarts

While some kids know exact spells, others, for example, Muggleborns, just use Diffindio

I mean, it gets their hair cut, yeah? That’s pretty much all they need

Of course, Hermione knows each and every spell but let’s not get to that

And Malfoy uses his own spell and a litre of Sleekeazy every morning

But since everyone else cuts their own hair, it looks as bad as each other

And that’s why Harry wasn’t teased too much about his hair (yes, also bc he’s the Saviour bUT STILL)

That’s why Sirius had long hair and etc.

Basically none of the kids at Hogwarts really had good hair and they all looked like Halt from Ranger’s apprentice (also this one is long as heck I could’ve just said everyone uses diffindio and there’s no hairdresser why am I like this)

[homosociallyyours]

a friend just posted a pic on fb of the coffee shop we used to hang out at, taken way back in the day. it’s just a shot of the place taken from inside, looking out the big glass windows and onto the street of downtown chattanooga. but one friend pointed out that she could see another friend’s van parked across the street, and one of the baristas came on and said he’d taken the photo and then proceeded to post a bunch more. 

anyway i’m feeling nostalgic so i’m posting about it. memories behind the cut. 

i started going there when i was maybe 15 years old. i don’t remember why, but it’s likely that the artsy nerd club i was a part of (we stayed after school to watch amadeus and monty python and we’d sometimes go to the local art museum) went there after a meeting one day. or maybe someone told me about it. anyway, it was my favorite place to go. i would drink pots of tea, always trying new things. 

on my 16th birthday my parents got me a teapot from there and a gift certificate to buy tea with. i had that teapot til it broke a year ago. 20+ years! it moved with me to and from college, to nyc, california, texas, and back to california. damn. 

anyway after i’d been going for a while i started talking with the owner. his name was ian, and he was pretty young. he loved tea and coffee and he had a roaster where they’d make their own coffee. it was loud and lovely, and for a long time it lived up front, right by a little elevated area with couches. when it was running you couldn’t hear anything and had no choice but to either shout or be quiet. 

ian encouraged my love of tea, and offered to keep track of everything i’d tried in a little notebook that was kept behind the counter. i got to make notes on every pot i drank, and i remember writing “terrible! grass!” after my first pot of green tea (it was oversteeped--my fault--and probably made with water that was too hot--their fault). i had my first pu-er there, and fell in love with its damp leaf flavor and that turned earth scent that it has. i drank multiple pots of jasmine pearls and wrote a caffeine fueled poem about it with a friend. i loved that little coffee shop. 

i don’t remember when i went from hanging out inside to hanging out outside, but i feel like i was 18 or so. the older people (they were probably barely 21-25, fucking babies) sat out there smoking and drinking coffee. i developed a crush one summer on a guy who made me think of arthur dent for some reason (don’t ask because i don’t know) and we went on one awkward date and didn’t kiss, and now i wonder what’s happened to him and if he, too, wasn’t straight. who knows? someone, i’m sure, but i can’t remember his last name anymore so is it even relevant? 

i’d never felt cool til i went off to college. it was like leveling up without trying, like when you’re playing a game and do one action and suddenly all your stats are refilled and you’re like...this is unexpected? but i’ll take it? i think that’s why i decided i could really sit with the outside tables. that and my bff, who was dating someone who was friends with a lot of those people, would show up sometimes and sit out there. 

(if you’ve actually been reading along so far, here’s where i’m gonna introduce you to a bunch of people i’ve never talked about before and will likely never mention again. just so you have fair warning.) 

the cast of characters shifted a lot, but there were always the constants. scott, the barista, who was much older than most of the people hanging out but looked young and seemed young. i look back with adult eyes and question the relationship we had, but at the time i just thought it was cool that someone so much older thought i was worth hanging out with. but he was 30 when i was 19, and man that’s a lotta years. he had a summer where he hit on my friend and i constantly, after his wife left him and he was kinda floundering a bit. but it never went past flirting and it never bothered me, though like i said it kinda does now. we were still hanging out when i was 21 and we’d go get beers after the coffee shop closed at ten or midnight. he’d turn up obnoxious music really loud and i’d sometimes help close. 

there was gabe and george, brother and sister in a family of people with names starting with the letter g. george was tiny and cute and either very drunk or very hyper from coffee at all times. gabe was a nerd who was usually quiet but loved to play scrabble, and we’d take the board inside sometimes and battle one another. he was much better than me, i won’t lie. liz and ever were both writers who would play with us sometimes. ever had changed her name at some point (to ever; any name she had before is irrelevant) and when we met she explained the meaning of her new name, which i won’t give because damn it’s very google-able. 

she was a so fascinating to me, always talking about some feminist theory or philosopher, and i always felt so smart when we’d hang out. like a Serious Thoughtful Adult and not a kid. and liz was less serious but no less smart. she played scrabble a lot more and for a while we got pretty close. she took me out after coffee sometimes to a shitty bar with pool tables and tried to teach me how to play pool. she had her own cue and even though she was like 5′2″ she could break like nobody’s business. i never figured out how to do that part. 

alex would come with us sometimes. he was tall and handsome and rode a motorcycle, and was the first openly bi guy i ever met. one time he invited me over to his house and we laid around listening to the smiths and talking. he burned me a copy of their greatest hits that i still have, all scratched up so it probably doesn’t play anymore. he crashed his bike more than once driving drunk. dumb fuckin kid. now he repairs coffee machines and sails, i think. life is funny. 

a few other people ran in groups. meg and waide and the aforementioned jason and ardyce. some people called meg “big megan” and another megan (her family was really wealthy, rich southern politicians who knew the clintons and have a mention in sweet home alabama--the song, not the movie) was “little megan” because she was still in high school. i joked that i was medium megan, but the whole thing was awkward because big megan was fat and i was small fat and little megan was skinny. i’m gonna blame it on thoughtless dudes, but who the fuck knows? we all pretended not to mind it anyway. 

waide ended up being a connection with other people who i met later. my hometown is weird in that it’s actually a pretty big part of the southern punk scene, so a lot of punks i meet have spent time there, and anyone over a certain age probably spent time at the bar waide worked at (the stone lion, and then maybe also the pickle barrel) so he’s one of those people who i’ll end up mentioning even though we haven’t spoken in years. 

at some point a kid named ory showed up. i think he was 16 when he started coming around, and i used to call him puppy because he was excitable and silly, full of energy one minute and then mopey crashing the next. like a lot of people there he drank a lot and would be fucked up sometimes and make dumb choices. i always wanted to protect him. when i was 22 (and he was 19, i think) we ended up sitting together at the second lotr movie and having some kind of weird chemistry. that summer i drove him home one night and we had a super heavy make out with lots of clothed grinding. honestly the furthest i’ve ever gone with a cis straight(ish, he hooked up with a couple dudes but idk if he’d say he’s bi) dude and it was awkward in that we never talked about it? and then he came to visit me a couple years later in new york because he was in the navy, and he got super drunk and passed out on my couch and was a mess because he literally never stopped being a puppy. 

he’s fucked up now, fully cancelled bc he said shit about girls rock camp (really dude?) and also probably cheated on his wife on their honeymoon? idk, it was fb rumors and then he deleted. but i’d believe it, honestly. 

and then there were all these absolutely random downtown characters: dirty mark (a crusty punk who was drunk or high most of the time) and shirtless dave (yeah he really didn’t wear a shirt that much) usually came as a pair. sometimes dave hung out with a guy my friends and i called blue hair. he once hit on my friend and she panicked and gave him my number instead of hers because her brain didn’t make up a fake number fast enough. 

there was sandy the flower man, who just passed away a couple weeks ago. he’d get flowers from local florists and go around on his bike, stopping into the coffee shop or to bars with roses and carnations and daisies. people gave him money usually, but sometimes he’d just hand you a flower because he wanted to. i saw a picture from a memorial and there was a portrait of him that was sat on top of his bicycle, all of it surrounded with flowers on flowers. so pretty. it’s what he deserved. 

things changed around 2005 or so, i think. by that time, all the old baristas had left and the kids who came in were all weirdly religious and went to the christian college on the mountain. they made shitty coffee and sometimes played xtian rock and most of the old regulars couldn’t take it anymore. ian got sick around that time, too, and ended up selling the place. they stopped carrying much tea, if any. 

but they finally sold the space and moved in like 2015. i remember the first time i drove by and didn’t see the lights on inside. it felt like seeing a friend from grade school all grown up, maybe the kid you had a crush on but they have a family now and you don’t think they’d recognize you at all so you just have to walk away. gone. 

fuck this post is long as shit, i’m sorry for anyone on mobile. but damn it was good to get my memories out. 

[thechampagnelovers]

Wayhayy I am back! It took me a bit longer, I actually tried studying yesterday and today I was at the dentist and that sucked big time and I had some late lectures so I am back a bit later than intended. It‘s 8 p.m. here now and I am still in a lecture but I just can‘t concentrate so I thought I‘d take some time to answer. :) I usually don‘t sleep very well or very healthy and I especially don‘t have a pattern, whoops. I think when I last wrote it was around 11 p.m. which isn‘t crazy late to me but it could also be I might write you when it is around 4 a.m. here. I tell you, Insomnia sucks. 😅

Did you have time for yoga today? I stretched a bit and went for a walk and my back is happy about it for sure!

I still googled the crocs hahaha and I liked the blue ones with white and red too! But I think I will stick to one colour first, get back into the flow. 😂 I mean summers is still a long way to go, so I have plenty of time to pic out outfits that will rock. I agree on the shorts tho! Crocs and shorts are a match made in heaven!

Okay it really sucks that books are expensive? I mean this is probably a dumb question but is there a certain reason why? If it is good I will find a way to send my copy to you!! 💆🏾‍♀️

I hope you enjoy your book. 🥺 is it non-fiction?

Thank you for all the recs!! I am genuinely an idiot for not thinking about the fact that these are established authors that probably have their works translated when I typed out that ask agsjskl! Funnily enough when I was younger I did read Isabel Allende. I read the book series the city of the beasts! I think I read book one and had the others on cd or something like that. It was really good! I will get back to you on those when I am done with rwrb but I screenshotted everything. Same goes for the fic recs! I will definitely come back to report what I read and how I liked it!

Did you have time for the snippets or the album trailer? If yes, what do you think? I think I will fall in love with River Road especially after I heard it in the Album trailer. 🥺 Ahh I am excited for the album! But I didn‘t really hear an upbeat sound so I guess we will have to wait for the whole songs to come out to be sure. 👀

At this point I have to scroll between all the asks we send so I don‘t forget a point haha sorry if this all messy I am also a bit tired (I was up til 5 a.m.). If I do forget something you what me to still answer please tell meeee! Hope you had a good day. x

hi nony <3 i’m happy to see u again 

i’m so sorry to hear about your insomnia :( i totally get it, but rn it’s winter for you and you’re back in lockdown so don’t even bother to “fix” it becuase it’s not worth it lol, we’ve all been there too. just give yourself time, try to rest as much as you can and your body will slowly readjust, specially when winter is over. my sleeping schedules has always been all over the place but lately i’ve been waking up with sunlight bc it gives me a few hours where i can be completely alone and in peace i just m*asturbate but i appreciate it a lot when people don’t bother me lol

I just finished doing yoga when i saw this ask! i didn’t do a headstand today tho, but i’m noticing i’m slowly getting a little better at this routine i’m doing. it’s a little hard but i love it. I just wish i could remember to do the headstand! now my body cooled off so i can’t do it :/ i love to hear your back is happy <3 mine is too lol

the reason why are books so expensive is the ✨economic crisis✨ my dear friend. although the economy has more of less been constant, from 2015 to 2019 everything went down and just everything in general got so expensive lol and that’s on neoliberalism 😌 in reality, books are not that much expensive but for people who like reading and buy many books on a regular basis, it’s a lot of money, but i’ve been shopping a lot in second hand book stores and facebook marketplace is a heaven, a curse but also a heaven (i had to delete the facebook app at one point because i couldn’t stop buying books) so i guess it’s alright. and pleaseee !!! don’t worry love, you’re so nice <3

the book is fictional, although i’m reading it kinda slowly bc rn i’m hooked up on a writing rush (and the book is kinda ✨sexist✨ but i’m hoping it’s going to get somewhere, ugh remind me to never read anything by a white men again)

ohhh i haven’t read la ciudad de las bestias but it sounds so good! and i’ll love to hear your opinions soon <3

i just heard the album trailer and omg!!!! i’m claiming river road rn!!! it’s SO GOOD, i have a feeling it’s gonna be a fan favourite (and it’s a ziall song, i know it). tbh they all sound so good, really chill tho, not much upbeat so far but it’s okay because zayn does it sooooo good, he can sing anything tbh (also i love the fact that we both have the same fav songs fdjksfjkl you should drop your fav songs from ot5 and we can compare) 

don’t worry about answering everything! this love letters are already too long lmao. go get some sleep!!! gn love <3

[goldendream-s]

dare or drink

Request; Can you do an imagine where Shawn was in an interview and dared to prank you saying he cheated on and she started crying, hung up, and blocked him on everything so then Shawn asked his friends (Matt, Brian, and Geoff) to help him

p.s. i changed it a little bc i couldn’t see this happening in an interview

I WAS NOT PLANNING TO POST THIS TODay but yEET i’m really not happy with this but enjoy!1!!

MASTERLIST || REQUEST

SHAWN’S POV

It was like any other night during on the road and I had just finished my last show in the European leg of the tour. The crowds only seem to get bigger and better as the tour progresses, but with that comes the stress and pressure of performing better and better every night. Brian, Matt, Geoff, and I were currently in the biggest room of our tour bus, sitting down to play a game of ‘dare or drink’. I never understood what my friends liked about this game, but it was their own weird spin on the classic game of truth or dare. They suggested it to help lift some of the weight created by the tour, but all it ever does is leaving us hungover the morning after, a night full of regret the night before.

“Why do we always play this game, Geoff?” I spoke my thoughts aloud. “You know it’s not fun being hungover before the weekend, especially since we have a 12 hour flight tomorrow.”

“What doesn’t kill you makes your stronger, Shawn,” Geoff replied. “Besides, stop being so scared, loosen up a little,” he added.

I sighed as I took a seat in the mini circle we created for the night we planned. “Who has the bottle?” I questioned.

The ‘bottle’ I was referring to was a very strong vodka, and if the bottle landed on you, the person who spun the bottle gives you a dare. If you decide to pass the dare, you have to take a shot of the vodka. The game ends when the bottle is empty, which can take anywhere from 30 minutes to hours. Quite frankly, I didn’t really feel like getting wasted the night before a long flight, so I’m crossing my fingers that I don’t get any outrageously stupid dares.

“Who’s starting?” Brian called. Everyone, as in Matt and Geoff, ran over to where I was sitting. 

Matt reached over to spin the bottle while muttering something inaudible. The bottle landed on Brian, merely missing me. Matt smirked and paused a little as if he was thinking of an impossible dare for poor Brian to do.

“I dare you to run around our bus three times,” Brian let out a sigh of relief before Matt put his hand out to signal that he wasn’t done telling Brian the full dare, “naked,” Matt laughed before reiterating the whole dare. “I dare you to run around the bus while naked.” 

“Oh my god, why am I even friends with you guys?” I half joked while face palming.

I felt embarrassed for Brian, but that didn’t stop my laughter from joining with Geoff and Matt’s hysterical giggling. Sometimes I forget how old we are by the way we act. I guess some things never change.

Brian hesitantly but silently stood up and yanked his pants down, which only increased our laughter.

“Maybe a warning would be useful next time,” I hollered to the now fully naked guy running towards the exit of our bus.

Brian might’ve been my best friend, but sometimes I questioned his integrity. Geoff promptly trailed behind Brian with his phone ready to record the dare. I stayed behind and waited silently for the next three minutes for the two to come back.

While Brian was putting back on his last article of clothing, he spun the bottle again, pulling us into the cycle of the game. A few rounds later, I had passed on most of my dares, leaving me right over the edge of being drunk. My mind was in a haze, but I was conscious enough to know that if I had another shot, I’d be vomiting and passed out by any minute. Brian was back at it as he sat down from what must’ve been his fifth dare, preparing to spin the bottle. I crossed my fingers that it would miss me like it did for the first couple of spins, but my luck seemed to run out.

I crashed my face into my palms as I waited for Brian to choose the dare. I opened one eye to peek at his whereabouts to find him whispering to Geoff and Matt. This was not going to end up good.

“Calm down Shawny-boy,” Geoff cooed. That only got me more nervous.

“Just cut to the chase, you losers,” I half joked.

“Ok,” Brian started, “I dare you to prank call your girl and tell her that you cheated on her.”

I suddenly didn’t want to play this game anymore, and I suddenly wanted to punch the crap out of the three friends in front of me. I tried to reason with them, but it didn’t look like they were buying it. ‘A dare is a dare’ they all said.

“I swear you’re so dumb, Brian. Do you not see why this is messed up? Dude, just give me another one. She's gonna hate me!” I tried one last time at persuading them.

“C’mon man,” Matt butted in, “Don’t be the party-pooper.”

I didn’t want to drink at all tonight, but I had already broken that vow I made to myself. All of the same time while my head was spinning, I knew that if I had anymore to drink, the flight tomorrow would be misery. I didn’t want to do this to her, especially when we were already juggling so much. The distance already put so much weight and pressure into the relationship that if I screwed up at all, it’d probably take me cancelling my whole tour to fix the problem. I contemplated the dare and the possible consequences. About to back out of the dare, something clicked in my mind, warning me not to. Before I could turn back, the alcohol spoke for me to reach into the pocket of my jeans to grab my phone.

I don’t know what kicked in when Matt said that, but my lips opened and replied with a ‘fine.’ There’s no doubt that I won’t regret this. 

Unlocking my phone, I searched for her name which wasn’t so hard considering how we just called less than two hours ago. I hovered my thumb over the call button and closed my eyes as my finger grazed the screen. There was no turning back now.

After three rings, she picked up as her soft and sweet voice filled my ears and the room. “Shawn? Are you there?” 

This dare was already taking much more time than we all anticipated, so I cut to the chase to save me from more dread.

I took a deep breath before starting, “Well, um, t-there’s no easy way to say this, but I-I um, I cheated on you. I’m so-sorry.”

I waited for her to reply so I could tell her that it was all a sick joke and that I’d never do that to her, but the other side of the line stayed quiet. My heart was beating out of my chest and I suddenly wished I had just taken that one shot of vodka. I also wanted to murder the three friends sitting in front of me, but I guess we can’t always get what we want.

“Hun? Are you still there?” I started biting my nails as I waited for something, anything.

I heard what sounded like a sniffle before she finally said something. “Shawn, are you drun- actually, never mind. Don’t ever talk to me again. Delete my number, too.”

My eyes widened, finally taking in her words. “No, wai-” I try to interject, but she hung up. My words might’ve been slurred and my mind blurry, but my heart knew that I had just lost her. It was like I was the only one in the room as I tried calling her in front of Matt, Geoff, and Brian. Obviously, it was no luck, and I was on the brim of tears.

“It was a joke,” I sigh as if she were still on the line. 

Your POV

It was Friday night, and I decided to stay home and relax by myself. I’ve spent the last few days around a lot of people, and now all I wanted to do was binge watch Netflix and hopefully get some phone calls with Shawn in. He was currently in the middle of a concert, so I made sure to follow all of the possible ‘Shawn Update’ accounts on Twitter to get pictures by the second. 

I was so proud of him, but of course sometimes the distance put a strain in our relationship. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him, but it can occasionally be difficult to have the intimacy of a regular relationship with someone when they’re thousands and thousands of miles away from you. Nonetheless, I was happy for Shawn and his success.

About to take my seat on the couch perched in the living room, I heard the distinct ring tone to my phone. Of course, it was a custom ringtone that Shawn made before he left, which I have no shame in using. I quickly dug out the pillows to fetch my phone and clicked on the accept button of the call even faster when I read the name at the top of my screen.

Once the call connected, I could hear voices in the background and Shawn hushing them. He must’ve been with his friends. I waited for another five seconds, and he still hasn’t said anything.

“Shawn? Are you there?” I questioned.

I finally heard a deep breath from the other line before Shawn began stuttering, “Well, um, t-there’s no easy way to say this, but I-I um, I cheated on you. I’m so-sorry.”

I can’t even describe how I felt at this very moment, because there’s no way to describe how it feels to be back stabbed by someone who you put all of your love and trust into. He sounded way past drunk, barely able to pronounce his words without stuttering.

“Hun? Are you still there?” My mind quickly scrambled to find a response, but my mouth was as frozen as my mind.

My natural instinct was to get as far away from the problem as possible, which required me to hang up the phone. I thought of something to say, and it might’ve not been the most reasonable, but at this point, I wanted nothing to do with Shawn. “Don’t ever talk to me again. Delete my number, too.” I quickly hung up before he could say something and chucked my phone across the room. I didn’t really look to see where it landed because my vision was beginning to cloud up with tears.

The best way for me to explain how I felt was as if my heart was glass and someone swung a baseball bat through it and then ran me over with a bulldozer. My heart felt as if it literally broke and shattered into a million pieces. The amount of emotional pain I was feeling was equivalent to the hurt I felt when I lost my first dog. To have a bond with someone so close, and to have it destroyed in a matter of minutes, I was practically watching my world collapse right in front of me. Needless to say, I was devastated beyond words.

My phone would not stop ringing, but I didn’t even bother to check who it was. I was too busy trying to understand everything. I felt empty and sick to my bones. I felt like I was drowning and there was nothing I could do to save myself. I wanted to scream, but no noise came out. I felt as if I was suffocating while my lungs were being crushed by the weight of pure pain. It’s truly one of those feelings that you don’t comprehend until you actually experience it. 

Meanwhile, my phone was still buzzing. I so badly wanted to pick up and cross my fingers that this was all some sick joke, but I couldn’t will myself to move.

I was paralyzed in my own seat, but instead of Shawn being the one to save me, he was the one that left me stranded.

SHAWN’S POV

We had almost six hours before I’d be on a plane without any service and internet connection, which also means that I have about six hours to explain everything to her. I tried to call her so many times last night, but it’s as if she blocked me. A ‘ding’ sound popped up in my head when I thought about trying to DM her on Twitter and Instagram, but she blocked me on both of those sites. I clenched my fists as I called over Brian, Geoff, and Matt who hesitantly came over.

“You guys are the ones that got me into this, and you guys are the ones that will help me fix this,” I said before any of them could even open their mouths.

I wasn’t used to being so demanding and affirmative, but I only have so many chances of winning her back that it’s really my only choice. The three friends standing in front of me quietly nodded their heads along with me as we brainstormed everything that we could do while I was on the other side of the globe from her.

After two hours and zero ideas later, I crumpled the piece of papers placed in front of me and threw them across the room. I knew this was going to be hard, but I never imagined that I would be stumped for this long. Brian and Matt had left to grab lunch for the four of us, so it was just me and Geoff.

Seconds, minutes, hours passed and Geoff and I still couldn’t think of anything. I knew from the look on his face that he was on the brink of giving up, the only thing stopping him being the tears streaming down my face.

I watched as he got up from his seat. “Look man, our flight is in a few hours and we haven’t thought of anything. I’m lost. I’m sorry about the dare, but I think this is for you and you only to fix.” He left the room, leaving me to think to myself.

I lost my girlfriend because of a stupid dare, and now I was facing the consequences. My girl is gone while I’m on the other side of the world.

this is crappy lol oops

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