#i’m so so tired rn but i can’t sleep before i type up what i wrote in my notebook… sighs

[chryzure-archive]

it’s sooo funny the way that chrysi’s so thrilled to be a catgirl in all my art. give her a chance to be like =^._.^= ∫ and she’s having an excellent time

[gjsatorus]

welcome home ✩

summary: you come home to satoru taking care of you

— fem reader, fluff, established relationship, there’s one suggestive joke, not proofread

note: this week has genuinely been so tiring for me i need someone like satoru rn AND chap 237 was like a slap in the face i just can’t, SPOILERS there was no signs of gojo at all and megumi is gone. like i’m hoping that gojo shows up in 238 next week 😞🤍 but what abt gumi.

tired. beyond exhausted, you unlock the front door to your house. barely being able to take your shoes off without falling face first onto the floor, but you managed. then there was a voice that made you perk up slightly, it was no other than your love, gojo satoru.

“welcome home love!” he was smiling ear to ear, giving you a kiss on your lips before leaning in to hug you, wrapping his arms around your waist as you buried your face into his neck. he notices your tired form, frowning a bit, you looked like you were ready to fall asleep on him, “toru.. so sleepy,” you mumbled out.

“i got ya, i’ll take care of you tonight sweetheart,” the white haired man chuckled feeling your grasp on him weaken due to the sleepiness. he picks you up, his arm under your legs and the other supporting your back as he walks into the bathroom. gojo places you on the sink counter while getting the bathtub filled up with water.

“toru..?” you open one eye watching him get your bath ready. “hm?” he answers before walking back to you, holding your hands in his. “can you join me please darling?” you squeeze his hands and he squeezes back in return. “of course,” the blue eyed smiles before taking off your shirt then your pants and the rest of your undergarments.

you place one foot into the bath feeling the temperature before completely sitting down in the tub. the water was warm, it smells like lavender, you were about to doze off before you feel him sit behind you. “my baby’s sleepy today hm?” gojo snickering at how fast you leaned against his chest, he grabs a bottle of shampoo and begins scrubbing your scalp with it.

“so tired toru.. been a long day,” you sigh at the feeling of his fingers massaging your head, hearing a small “mmm” from the man behind you. “how’s your day handsome?” you ask and he giggles at the nickname, “same old, same old. the higher ups wanted me to do something, but i wasn’t really that interested,” gojo explains while rinsing your hair. “you’re gonna kill them some day,” you chuckle as you closed your eyes.

it was silent, but the comfortable type of silence. you could hear the splashing of the water whenever satoru moves, he then gets the bottle of conditioner and applies it on the bottom half of your hair. “you wanna just sleep and cuddle after this, pretty?” gojo asks, spreading the body wash on your shoulders and the rest of your body as he waits for the conditioner.

“please,” you mumbled out again, feeling him rinse your body and the conditioner out of your hair. then you opened your eyes when you realize something, “how about you toru? want me to wash your hair too?” his eyes widen before softening a little, “if you want baby,” satoru grins. you turn around, facing him as you get the bottle of shampoo.

he kisses your nose once you looked back at him, you start scrubbing his scalp. “my toru’s so cute, so lucky to have you,” you say, giving him a peck on his cheek while rinsing the shampoo out of his hair thoroughly. “i’m the lucky one,” he opens his eyes and watched you spread the body wash on him just like how he did with you. “toru, i’m the lucky one,” you roll your eyes teasingly while rinsing him.

“alright we’re done,” you stood up from the bathtub and immediately started to shiver before sitting back down, the coldness did slightly wake you up. “i’ll go first and help you out sweetheart,” he began drying himself as you close your eyes. once you open them again, he was holding the towel ready for you, getting up from the tub and quickly wrapping yourself around it.

his towel was wrapped around his waist while his white hair was still wet, water droplets fall onto his skin. “like what you see?” gojo smirks catching you stare at him before walking away. changing into more comfortable pajamas, you begin blow drying your hair, feeling a pair of arms wrap around you again.

“help me please baby,” he points to his wet hair then at the blow dryer in your hands. you smile gently before drying his hair too, it was soft and smooth. after that was done, he quickly pulls you onto the bed making you yelp in surprise. your head gently pressed onto his chest, hearing his heart beat as his arms wrap around you, nuzzling closer to him.

you start feeling drowsy again at the warm feeling, “toru before i fall asleep, i love you and thank you for tonight,” you kissed the back of his hand before falling asleep. gojo looks at you with adoration, “goodnight to you too baby, love you more,” he gave your forehead a kiss and began falling asleep as well.

[galaxysgal]

𝐢 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 || 𝐥𝐢𝐩 𝐠𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐫

pairing: lip gallagher x fem!reader

summary: just lip being a cute bf + debbie and ian being little shits

warnings: lowercase on purpose. poorly written tbh. swearing but y’all know how it is. heavily unedited. gen said yolo so i’m posting

A/N: i’ve been on hiatus for god knows how long but my roommate and i started watching shameless and i can’t get this mfer out of my head. things w school and life are hard rn so i just wrote this comfy cozy little thing in my notes app. yolo asf.

wordcount: probably like 500 or less idk i wrote it in my notes app at 1am

— — — — — — — — — — —

you’re nestled in lip’s arms, high up on his rickety top bunk. somewhere between finishing your nails and kissing until you could barely breathe, you had fallen asleep right against his chest.

you stirred now, your cozy world interrupted a squeaky little voice. “are you in love with her?” debbie questions.

lip shushes his sister, “be quiet, she’s sleeping.”

you were wide awake now, but much too comfortable to move and make that little fact known. plus, you wanted to hear his answer.

“i asked you a question dummy. are you in love with her?”

lip stutters, “i-i dunno. i really like her, okay?”

you’re satisfied with that answer. “in love” was a little too much too quick. but “really like” was something that made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

“what d’ya like about her?” ian presses.

you can practically hear the gears turning in lip’s head as his siblings impatiently await a response.

“she’s- i dunno, she’s pretty?” lip replies. you hold back a scowl, annoyed at him for not having a better answer.

“yeah, great rack,” debbie comments.

“jesus, deb!” lip’s head falls back in frustration, one hand coming to cradle your head as not to wake you with the sudden motion.

“cut the shit lip,” ian interrupts. “tell us what you really think.”

you hold your breath as you wait for his response. his lips brush your hairline before he sighs. “she’s sweet, yeah? real kind.”

“a real woman of the people,” ian snorts, “princess diana type.” then “ow!” as you hear debbie shove him.

“and- and she’s real smart, too,” lip continues. “really, really fuckin’ smart. an’ she works hard. she just tires herself out sometimes.”

he strokes your hair gently, pressing a few more fleeting kisses to your forehead.

“you’re so whipped.”

you hear debbie shove her brother again, and this time ian fights back, the two making a ruckus as they push each other back and forth.

“come on guys, out. now.” lip orders his siblings around with that same stern voice you’ve heard plenty of times before.

debbie pouts. “but-“

“no buts. go on, she’s fuckin’ sleepin’ in here an’ you’re gonna wake her up. fuck off.”

“we were just-“

“fuck. off.”

“jesus,” you can practically hear ian roll his eyes. “alright, alright. we’re going.”

debbie yells for fiona as the two shuffle out of the room, not bothering to close the door behind them.

you smirk to yourself as lip groans above you, showing your cards. “you’re awake?”

you peer up at him through your lashes, a smirk planted on your lips that he’s just dying to kiss off. “can’t believe your little sister said i have a great rack,” you whisper.

lip laughs, loud and genuine. “yeah, she’s been stuffing fi’s old training bras. growin’ up an’ shit. i don’t like it.”

you’re quiet for a moment, admiring him. you know how important those kids are to him. he’d do just about anything for them, including the minor crimes you find him tangled up in on a weekly basis. he loves them like they’re his own kids, which honestly they kind of are. they may shove each other around, curse each other out, yell and scream at the top of their lungs, but at the end of the day lip has been more of a father to his siblings than frank ever was.

“you really meant all that?” you ask.

lip looks down at you, his blue eyes soft in the dim light. “yeah. yeah, i did. meant every word.”

you smile, leaning up to place a solid kiss on his lips. “for what it’s worth,” you murmur, “i really like you too.”

[auras-moonstone]

mad woman — ethan landry (part five)

words: 1,769

pairing: ethan landry x gf!fem!reader

based on: mad woman by taylor swift

author’s note: only one more part left ! and the epilogue (if i decide to give y/n and ethan a happy ending).

previous part ; next part

Y/N AND ETHAN WOKE UP AT THE SOUND OF THEIR PHONES RINGING. The girl groaned in annoyance as she reached for the device laying on the drawer. Ethan mumbled something under his breath before grabbing Y/N by the waist to push her against his bare chest again.

The girl laughed kissing his cheek “Eth, it might be important” she whispered. He sighed, letting her go. She took her phone and read the texts that were sent to the group as Ethan pressed short kisses on her neck.

mindy

y/n, ethan we have a plan.

meet us at the park in an hour

tara

hello????

everything okay???

chad

answer us!!!

mindy

fuck he killed her

i told you not to go with him y/n/n

wtf mindy i’m okay

why would you text that if you thought i was dead??

mindy

idk maybe you are seeing me typing

maybe you are stuck in this world trying to get revenge

you want to haunt your boyfriend for killing you!

please stop watching paranormal movies minds

we are okay. we’ll meet you there in thirty minutes

chad

*20

we texted you 40 minutes ago, mindy told you to meet us in an hour

yeah we are not going to make it in twenty

we need to shower

sam

but you went to his dorm specifically to shower

why didn’t you do that already?

i did. but i need to shower again :)

mindy

i’m throwing up rn

tara

she literally gagged

chad

ethan my man!! so proud of you buddy!

he’s still sleeping i tired him out

mindy

DONT PUT MENTAL IMAGES IN MY MIND THAT IS DISGUSTING

lmao i’m just messing with you, minds

mindy

thank god.

because virgins survive, so you two might have a chance

oh i was kidding about him still being asleep

the rest was all true :)

mindy

just stop taking and meet us there🤮

“Why didn’t you get rid of Mindy instead of Anika?” Y/N groaned as they made their way to the shower. “I actually really liked Anika. And my patience with Mindy is running out. I swear next time she says something mean to you I-“

He cut her off with a kiss “God, I love it when you get protective” he pressed against the wall of the shower.

“The shower is for showering, babe” she pulled away.

“Can’t help it” he said kissing her neck and shoulders. Y/N smirked as she turned on the cold water, Ethan quickly stepped back.

“Y/N! What was that for?” he glared at her.

“You are in desperate need of a cold shower” she laughed “Come on, we need to hurry. Your dad said it was important for us to be there”.

Ethan sighed in defeat “Fine”.

“I promise that once this is over, I’ll let you do whatever you want to me” she gave him a peck.

“Anything?” he smirked.

“Anything” she confirmed.

QUINN ATTACKED GALE AT HER HOUSE, ALMOST BEING SUCCESSFUL IN KILLING HER. Right now, the whole group, minus officer Bailey and Kirby, were at the hospital lounge, waiting for any news on the reporter’s health.

Y/N and Ethan were internally fuming. How many fucking lives did Gale Weathers have? It was ridiculous. Though, they really enjoyed seeing Sam’s guiltiness eat her alive.

"What do we do know?" Y/N asked, sitting on Ethan’s lap. He tightened his grip on the girl's frame as she drew invisible circles on his chest.

"Maybe he gets to win this time" Sam said, her voice was a bit shaky. They all looked at her as if she was crazy. "He wants to punish me. Me. So maybe I'll let him. I'll just give myself up. If this is what I have to do, to keep you safe, it's worth it".

"First of all, you are fucking insane if you think we'll let you do that" Y/N told her, no hesitation in her voice.

Tara stood up. "Y/N/N is right. You always protect us, now it's time we protect you. We are a team, remember?".

"We are family" Y/N corrected, standing up and walking towards Sam.

"You can say it, Chad" Mindy said, standing up too.

Chad got into his feet and with a excited smile he said. "Let's go! Core five!".

"Core what?" asked Danny.

"It's an us think" Chad explained briefly.

"He's gonna keep coming after us" Sam warned them.

"Isn't there somewhere safe we can hold up in?" Ethan asked.

"He's just going to keep finding us" Tara told him, making him sigh. "We could use that, though”.

THE FINAL ACT WAS ABOUT TO BEGIN. The group planned on luring Ghostface into a secure location and trap him inside. The final reveal was getting close, and Y/N’s heart beat with excitement. She couldn’t wait to see the life draining from Tara’s eyes. And then, she would continue her life with the love of her life.

"Is this even a good plan?" Ethan asked, his hand gripping Y/N’s tightly, as they walked down the stairs to take the train.

"You don't have to come if you don't want to" Tara replied.

"So we just peel off so the killer takes us off one by one? No, thank you" the curly-haired boy said, making his girlfriend look at him with her eyebrows raised. "And I don't want to leave Y/N alone, of course".

The girl laughed. "You really don't have to come, you know? We are not going to blame you for not going".

Ethan sighed. "No. Like I said, I won’t leave you alone".

“Yeah, very romantic, lovebirds. Can you move now? We are going to miss the train” Mindy said annoyed from behind them.

They walked through the current of people, pushing and shoving to try to get into the train. Just as they were about to enter it, the doors closed right in front of their faces.

"The next one should be here any minute. We won't be that far behind" said Y/N to Ethan and Mindy.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go away" Mindy said to the boy.

"What do you mean?" the girl asked her confused.

"I don't trust your boyfriend".

Y/N rolled her eyes. "Mindy, not right now. Leave your stupid accusations aside, we need to stick together".

"Fine, you can stay with him. I'll wait a couple of feet away" she replied stubbornly.

"Mindy, come on" she said tiredly, but her friend didn't listen. She turned to face the tall boy. "Can I be the one who gets rid of her?".

Ethan tried not to laugh “I’m sorry but we have to take advantage of her stubbornness. Text Quinn, it’ll be less suspicious if you do it”.

“How disappointing” she scoffed, pulling her phone out.

hey quinn. we are about to take the train. we missed the first, so we are taking the next one.

mindy distanced herself from us cause she doesn’t trust your brother.

it’ll be a great opportunity to get rid of her

(i’m so jealous you get to do it btw).

quinn

roger that:)

aw i’m sorry, i promise i’ll be extra brutal for you :)

stop flirting with me!

quinn

no can do ;)

“Hey, what the fuck?” Ethan whispered, reading the conversation over her shoulder.

Y/N laughed “Don’t worry, pretty boy. My heart is only yours”.

“That’s right. You are mine” he said, gripping her hips.

“You are so hot when you get territorial” she said pressing a kiss on his jaw.

When they boarded the train, Mindy walked towards the end of the wagon, away from them but at a reasonable distance so she could keep an eye on Ethan.

“This is perfect” Y/N whispered, looking around. The train was crowded with people dressed as famous killers—Jason, Michael Myers, Ghostface, Pennywise.

"What’s your favorite scary movie, darling?” the boy joked. He was towering over her, and her back was pressed against a metal tube.

Y/N rolled her eyes "Shut up, idiot. I was never a fan of those types of movies”

“Maybe that could be one of our dates, watching scary movies”

“I’ll do anything as long as it’s with you” she smiled sweetly. He got closer to her, now they were chest against chest, and kissed her cheeks multiple times.

“Gross” said a familiar voice from next to them. Just after that, the light went out.

“That’s your cue, Quinnie” Y/N told her.

“Don’t call me that” she grumbled before starting to get closer and closer to Mindy.

On the next stop, when a big number of people stepped out of the train, the couple turned around to see Mindy sitting on the floor, hands pressed to her stomach and blood staining her shirt.

"No, fuck!" Y/N yelled faking concern as she ran towards her. She wanted to smile so badly at the sight of the girl in pain "You've got to be kidding me! I'm so sorry, Minds".

"Somebody help!" Ethan screamed, but no one moved one finger to do something. "Shit. We've got to get her out of here".

Y/N nodded. "Breath deep" she told her before pulling her to her feet. The girl let out a groan of pain as the couple lead her out of the train. "Thanks for nothing, assholes!".

"Somebody call 911!" Ethan yelled as they put the wounded girl on the floor of the station. "Are you okay?".

"Yeah, I'm so good" she said through her teeth.

"You're going to be okay" Ethan told her.

"Goddam it! I got it wrong again!" she cried. The paramedics arrived and started to check on the wounded girl.

"Is she going to be okay?" Y/N asked them.

"Yes, your friend will be fine, don't worry. We are going to give her painkillers, while we drive her to the hospital" they informed her.

“Minds, they need all the help they can get. I hate to leave you alone, but…” Y/N started.

Mindy nodded in understanding “You have to help them, it’s okay. Go”.

“If you need anything, call me okay?” Y/N told her.

“I’ll be fine, really. Just… be careful with him, okay? I know he’s your boyfriend and you like him, but never trust the love interest”.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be okay” she assured her before the paramedics took her away. “Heard that? I should be careful with you” she turned around with a smirk to face her boyfriend. “Are you gonna hurt me?”.

Ethan laughed “Depends, are you into those types of kink?”.

“You really should’ve taken that cold shower” Y/N said rolling her eyes, but smiling nonetheless. “Now, let’s go. It’s time for the big finale, baby!”.

[eneablack]

remus in my dr

(i already shared these but i really miss him rn so i wanted to make a post on all the things i cherish about him.)

first, his personality. he’s very similar to how he’s represented in All the young dudes, he’s imperfect just like that, not soft but truly real and unique. he’s independent, honest and straightforward, mature and chill but he can be funny when he wants to, intimidating lol, he’s really protective over his loved ones, but he also has many flaws that make him so real and beautiful, really. he’s very complex. he’s not really sweet contrary to what people present him in those scenarios, he’s laid back but he sometimes can’t contain his anger with people who go against us, he’s unbothered if they mess with him and reacts only when it’s about his closed ones, and with us he’s very straightforward and surely lets us know if we get on his nerves lol.

he’s not a touchy type of person, but he often would brush his pinky over my hand when we’re close. he did this even before we got together, it’s just something that he does, could be also unconscious i’m not sure. when we became a couple he wasn’t too afraid to hold my hand sometimes, he doesn’t mind if people are judgemental (which is often what we encounter) and that’s probably because he can be scary lmao, he just doesn’t care, but he would make sure i want it and am comfortable with it (also bc i wasn’t the first times).

he’s tired all the time and would sleep at any occasion if he could. he sleeps like a baby, he breaths deeply and makes little noises. sometimes he would slip in my bed at my dorm and lay over me (he’s freaking tall therefore is heavy and would basically crush me but that’s fine) and put his head on my stomach so i would caress his hair and he would just knock out. he’s a deep sleeper too, like not even a scream in his ear would wake him up (exaggerating rn).

um, he kisses very well. one day we decided to meet at night in the slytherin common room and there is a muggle radio always turned on, so we were sitting quietly on the sofa next to the fireplace that was slowly falling out and then he kissed me (i sound calm but i am not), and there was the song “cover me in roses” by golden laurence and i know this song in this reality but it never had a meaning, now it does, so yes this is our song now i don’t make the rules.

as far as I’ve seen for the some months we got in a relationship, he’s very caring but he doesn’t really show it, he’s not sweet almost at all but just because that’s how his personality is like. his love language is like he’s always available for me and takes time to pass some time with me and talk about anything, even if he doesn’t talk much generally, he’s more of a listener.

when i go to therapy, both here and in my dr, i always feel so drained and tired to the point that i’m annoyed by anything and can’t even talk and can’t do shit for the whole day (yeah that’s how much it affects me idc). so when i’m in cr i just go to my room or the garden at my house to simply do nothing, hoping that no one will talk to me cause i would just reply with zero patience or sometimes i would just straight up sleep. but when i’m in dr, yeah i do the same, but there’s him and he’s always available when i need him, so i would just secretly crawl in his bed at the gryffindor’s and he would caress my hair and not speak a word, cause he just knows what i need.

[sunmisbf]

hi bestiesssssss i saw woodz yesterday n i am a changed person this is the best artist in the world to Me. i apologize to him deeply for ever looking at another man it won’t happen again like i was blacking out hes so fine n pretty n his smile is so nice i forgot my glasses in my car so i couldn’t see him as clearly as i would have liked help but i was really close n i did cry i’m not going to lie. i was doing pretty good n then he sang journey n it was over for me i love this guy so much n always wish him the best in everything. he’s so genuine on stage like u can tell he’s just having so much fun performing n he took off his ear piece a lot so he could hear us singing along. he played the guitar too i was blacking out sorry i do love a fine ass man that can play guitar like that’s literally my boyfriend n omg he took his shirt off at the very end before he left the stage n i Screamed so loud it hurt my throat n my boyfriend was like 🧍 n i was like i didn’t see anything even though i almost teared my vocal chords up… sorry. what else was i supposed to do i saw the gun tattoo w my own eyes he’s so fineeee. he’s such a singer u guys like we all know this but i was so happy to experience his singing live. he didn’t dance at all like other kpop artists but honestly it wouldn’t have fit the vibe like that’s the lead singer of a band. i’m in love sorry he’s everything to me. watching him sing busted n chaser n noid n i hate you n multiply n trigger n. well u get the point was everything to me who else is making music like this NO ONE that’s who‼️ seungyoun u will always be famous forever n forever i hope he knows that… oh n unfortunately he did not sing hope to be like you for me 😞 or better and better or lullaby or thinkin bout you 😞 but it’s okay we move forward ! he also took the time to read posters n accept song requests n i was really close to him so if i would’ve taken a mexicans 4 woodz/mexico loves u sign he definitely would’ve read it i’m so sad i didn’t make one omg. but he sang short parts of pool n waikiki n better and better n lullaby n deep deep sleep (kind of bc he couldn’t remember the lyrics 😭) n god hijack just came on while i’m typing this it was so crazy seeing him perform this like literally i hit the road running all the fucking time‼️ also he went crazy w ready to fight like he put so much passion into the “shut the FUCK up” part like damn okay.. anything for u king. the whole concert was fun but especially at the end when he performed i hate you bump bump n ready to fight i was so tired but i kept screaming n jumping help. n he was so energetic n happy like i have feelings for this man u don’t understand wayv close ur eyes but this is The kpop man to me n also omg when he opened w busted like i knew he was opening w that song but i still felt like that joker gif where he’s flying backwards like this was soty to me originally until wayv came in w the steel chair but i don’t know u guys woodz might have taken the steel chair out of their hands n used it on them i’ll get back to u on that i’m on a woodz induced high rn so i can’t think clearly wayv i still love u. n omg i saw him sing chaser live. i was singing so loud i felt bad for the girl recording on her phone next to me bc my ass is definitely in her videos singing about breaking down bc what else can i do that’s the song of all time n omg dirt on my leather was so fun literally why u gonna be so sad? rub some fucking dirt on it‼️ seungyoun the rockstar that u are…. n trigger n drowning n i can say this about every song honestly every song was life changing to see live i love singers who sing n i love woodz. i really regret not getting vip i would’ve loved to meet him he was so endearing on stage when he was talking… it honestly feels like a fever dream now like i really saw that man i was there… 🚬 this is so fucking long i’m sorry in conclusion, i’m in love w him i’m obsessed w him i need him badly n he’s a pop rock legend to me forever n ever. te amo luizinho 💙😭

[stormkobra-5]

Red Handed, Part 3

Pairing: Moon Boys (Mostly Jake this time around) x fem!Reader

Fic Type: One-Shot Series

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Moon Boys Masterlist]

Summary: You’re expecting something sexy from Jake when things get bad for him. Luckily, you’re there to help him forget, although it doesn’t go quite the way you expect.

A/N: This was supposed to be extremely kinky, but ideas started flowing after seeing the below gif. It’s now much softer.

Rating/Warnings: 18+ NSFW, Minors DNI, switch!Jake, sub!Jake, softdom!Reader, softdom!Jake, hurt/comfort, I know I said that Jake would get the kinkiest bits but I’m feelin a lot of softness for Jake rn tbh, dry humping, oral (f and m receiving), 69, multiple rounds, multiple orgasms, unprotected PiV, praise, making out, softness, fluffy fluff, Jake having something like a panic attack, mention of blood/violence but nothing too graphic

Blue balling.

That’s exactly what was fucking happening here. Or, wait, what was the term for blue-balling on a female? Okay, so, Google doesn’t answer jack shit anymore. Blue vulva? Is that it? Who the fuck even cares at this point. You would just like to get railed into the next dimension by at least one of your boyfriends.

It’s been a whole damn week. A week since Steven had his way with you in that back alley, a week since you returned the favor and ended up pegging Marc as well.

A whole. Fucking. Week.

Sex wasn’t usually on your mind 24/7, okay? It wasn’t on any of your minds 24/7.

Not until Jake– you called him a bitch for this– slipped his hands under your skirt at dinner, edging you to the brink so many times you couldn’t even see straight, and then. And then. Fucking… taking you home and going to sleep. “Not tonight, princesa, I’m too tired.”

“Well can’t you at least use your fingers?”

He’d chuckled at that. “Needy needy, aren’t you?” And then he was out like a light. Or, he pretended to be.

He knew you wouldn’t try anything with him even potentially asleep, not without his consent.

He also knew you wouldn’t try to relieve yourself, because compared to what the boys gave you, it was next to nothing. And you were too fucking stubborn.

Now, six days later, and none of them have done more than merely cuddle you. If you try to grind on his thigh or seduce him into bed, Marc will just smile and say, “Not in the mood right now, baby. I think you sexed me out for a couple days.” Steven was a little easier, although it was also worse for both of you. You just got so fed up with it that you straddled him, and before you knew it he had you pinned to the floor while dry fucking you to the brink of oblivion, apparently feeling depraved himself, before Jake forced himself to the front and tore himself off of you. “Nice try, gatita. Be patient.” As if you couldn’t hear him getting off in the bathroom. You’re pretty fucking certain he was moaning extra loud on purpose.

That was yesterday.

Today you’d just decided– fuck it. You’ll do it yourself. If he wants to be a prick, so be it. But as you opened the front door, your plans– and your horniness– flew right out the window.

“Jake!”

He sat on the couch, face in his hands, knuckles bruised and busted. He jumped when you shouted his name, eyes wide enough for you to see how black and dilated his pupils were– and the rest of the damage on his face. Bruised, bloodied, busted lip and temple, a long-since ruined bandage taped to the bridge of his nose. His driving clothes— the tux shirt and the tight black jeans— were covered in blood. The dark crimson liquid lazily oozed from the puddle of his jacket, his favorite hat tossed haphazardly to the other end of the couch. He looked like he’d been caught red-handed– which, technically, he had been. “Y/N…” He breathed. “Mierda… You weren’t supposed to be home yet, princesa.”

You didn’t say anything. You dropped your bag and raced to the bathroom, where you started scrambled for the first aid kit and a rag. You ran back out to a bewildered Jake. You didn’t dare mention the suit. You knew that he didn’t like to use it, didn’t like to be reminded of his servitude to Khonshu.

When you returned to kneel in front of him, regardless of the blood, Jake started pawing at your shoulders in a weak attempt to make you stand. “Amor, your clothes— you’ll ruin your clothes.”

You took his face in your hands, trying to search his eyes for any sign of physical pain— you knew by now to expect the mental toll that came with what Khonshu asked of him. It was a desperate, vain move to try and keep your tears stifled, your voice hardly a whisper as you gently wiped dried blood off his face. “Jake, honey… who did this to you?”

He still wasn’t used to this. To your tenderness. Your kind touches, gentle and soft, when all he has known was hits and blows. A combination of Steven and you, sweet, loving, you had helped him understand this. Helped him understand love. But he only understood it. That didn’t mean he was used to it.

So Jake— the very same midnight vigilante that had just literally broken the skulls of two men in an alleyway— crumpled into your caresses, pulling you flush against him and burying his face in your neck. He’d made you worry, and he didn’t like that. You didn’t deserve to worry. You deserved the world handed to you on a silver platter, garnished with all the stars in the sky and the moon as a side. His fists clenched in your shirt and your hair as he tried to anchor himself, tried to convince himself that yes, you were real.

“It’s not my blood,” He choked out, “it’s not my blood. It’s not my blood, it’s not my blood it’s not my blood it’s not my blood no es mi sangre no es mi sangre. no es mi sangre—“ He lost himself in an endless spiral of terror that he could only face with you. The only thing that mattered. The only thing he cared about besides Marc and Steven. The only other person in the entire universe that he loved. That he had never allowed himself to let go and love with, isolating himself except when ruining you in bed. Because he didn’t want to admit that. He didn’t want to be that vulnerable.

You held him. Cradled his head against your chest with a low sound of sincere sympathy as his chants of promising you that it’s not his blood break into choked sobs of relief. He’s home. He’s with you.

And he’s been horrible to you.

This past week he’s been an absolute dick to you. He’s put off your pleasure, and for what? Just for an explosive release with that new vibrator he had Marc buy? You’d been asking him, begging him, all damn week and he’d denied you. What if you get tired of it? What if you leave because he’s being a jackass? Marc and Steven don’t deserve to lose you too because of his reckless behavior. Such a small thing, and yet Jake felt it profoundly. You deserved to have love made to you whenever you want it.

“Lo siento mucho,” He apologizes, and he’s so distraught that he doesn’t realize that he’s trying to make amends in Spanish. “Lo siento mucho, amor, por favor, perdóname.”

Luckily, you’ve been around Jake long enough to understand most of what he says. “Oh, Jake… what are you apologizing for, sweetheart?”

“For being such an ass. You didn’t deserve being teased like that all week, you didn’t, I was awful to you and I’m so sorry mi amor—“

You pulled back, taking his face very gently in your hands, careful of his bruises, and kissed him softly. He emitted a soft sound of surprise, then relief.

Then Jake Lockley melted.

His whole tense body relaxed into your touch, pressing into you at the same time he pulled you as close as humanly possible. Despite his busted lip he kissed you desperately, running his tongue softly along your bottom lip and asking for entrance— asking wasn't something that Jake did. His shaking hands clutched tightly at your shirt on your back, pressing you closer to his chest.

You were unused to this. This gentle softness, usually reserved for Marc or Steven, was coming from Jake, who despised touch and thought the worst of everything, who expected you to leave them at any given moment. He was the protector of the system. Who was going to protect them if he were vulnerable? He never voiced these thoughts to you. You understood them through his body language, knew it from his alters. Understood from the alters that explained why Jake only fronts to fuck you into oblivion before disappearing again, otherwise only speaking to you briefly and then with short, curt words.

“Jake…” You breathed into the kiss, pulling back to look into his nearly-black eyes. It’s in halting Spanish that you say, “Voy a protegerte. Te voy a amar Y nunca, nunca te dejaré. Te amo, Jake. Te amo.”

Jake stared at you for several seconds, as if wondering if he had heard you correctly. As if he couldn’t believe it. You saw the redness in his eyes, then the tears, and then they fell; you wiped them away and kissed him slowly again, and he whispered against your lips te amo over and over.

Careful of his busted lip, you opened your mouth for him, letting his tongue slip in and trace yours, trail along every tooth and lick at the insides of your cheeks. Jake kissed you slowly, sensually, savoring you and your love. His breaths come in shuddering sob-hiccups that you tried to shush between kisses, pushing your tongue around his and deep enough into his mouth to make him moan.

He's still shaking.

“Jake,” You whisper into the small, minute spaces that occasionally appear between your makeout session, “It’s okay. I’ve got you. I’ve got you, I promise; I’m never letting go.”

“Mi luz de estrella…” Jake breathed through his muffled sobs, pressing a deep kiss to your lips. He caressed your tongue with his, massaging it and pressing on it until neither of you could breathe. You broke apart briefly to gasp for air before diving back with more ferocity, teeth clashing and heated breaths mingling.

You felt Jake’s shaking hands reluctantly unclench from holding your shirt so tightly, your body pressing into his as his hands swept down and hooked under your shirt, only coming right back up to splay across your back. His fingers made something akin to claws, digging into your shoulder blades and ribs tightly enough to bruise— not with intent to mark you as was the usual, but as a cry for help. He was drowning in his own mind and he needed a lifeline, one which only you could provide.

His sobs turned to breathless whimpers and moans as he kissed you. You remained knelt between his legs, keeping a hold of his face for a moment before wrapping your arms around his neck. One of your hands reached down to trail up his spine, surprising you when he sharply sucked in a breath and licked deeper into your mouth, his soft moan unmistakeable. What was maybe more surprising was him practically arching his back at the touch, pressing his body into yours.

“Jake,” you whispered, pulling apart from the kiss enough to look him in the eye. If possible his eyes were bigger than before, very nearly black, kiss-swollen lips tinged slightly red from the blood of his busted lip. His face was flushed under his bruises, and as you pulled away from him he nudged his face against yours in a kind of desperate nuzzle, closing his eyes at the sensation of slotting his nose against yours. “Jake… Let me help you forget.”

Losing himself to your pleasure is one of the only things that helps Marc— he uses it as a grounding mechanism, proof that you’re still here and you still love him. It’s a rare moment in the bedroom where he trusts you enough to take complete control. Jake has never done that— even the once or twice you were pegging him, it was Jake in control of everything.

But you also didn’t want to take advantage of him. You needed him to know that you weren’t asking him this to get control over him; you didn’t want him to wake up in the morning and regret it. You were only trying to help, in one of the few ways you knew how with a man that didn’t like talking.

Jake held you tightly as he kissed you suddenly, deeply, messily, desperately. There wasn’t any of his usual hunger or demanding nature, only something akin to passion. Like he was trying to get as much of you as possible.

“Let’s go to the bed, hm?” You broke apart from him to say, running your thumbs gently over his cheekbones. “You don’t wanna do it on a chair, do you?”

Your little joke didn’t go to waste; Jake chuckled half-heartedly as his kisses trailed down your cheek to your neck, where he pressed his face into your skin, grazing his teeth here and there and nipping at your jawline. It was an effort to pull away from him enough to stand, guiding him after you and helping him to the bed. Jake gently pushed you down onto the mattress, crawling up your body to kiss you passionately. “Let me take care of you first.”

“What— Jake—“

He grabbed your wrists, and you expected him to put them over your head and tie you up; instead, he slid his hands further up, entwining your fingers with his as he slipped his hips between your legs. “Mi vida,” he breathed, “Let me take care of you. You waited all week, let me make you cum a few times first.” Any protests you might have made were cut off with a moan as he rolled his hips into yours firmly, pressing his growing bulge to your heat.

His eyes never left your face as he slowly ground into you, not relinquishing his hold on your hands. “You like it like that? Just like that?” You could do nothing but desperately nod. He kissed the backs of your hands, a curl falling loose to dangle on his forehead. Jake moaned softly as his hips increased the pace, and you felt a familiar warm glow bubble up in your core. You moaned his name, and he gasped as movements became more frantic. His head fell forward as his jaw went slack, eyes screwing shut with a deep groan in the back of his throat as he ground into you. The sight of him allowing himself to give in to the pleasure when he usually sought to control it made you shift your hips to meet his, triggering a stream of unexpected praise. “Oh, good girl, good girl, doing so good for me mi corazoñ…”

Jake’s hips yanked back from your sudden reciprocation of his movements before he continued to frantically pound his clothed erection into your aching core, shifting so that he could hold your hands on either side of your head and kiss you deeply. “Jake,” You whined, and Jake thought you meant it as a means of asking for more. His hand started to slide down to the waistband of your pants before you stopped him. “No, wait; can you flip over?”

“Huh?”

You couldn’t help but giggle at his raised eyebrow and confusion before repeating yourself. “Flip over. Onto your back.”

“Oh,” He flushed, and you realized he wasn’t used to being given orders. His eyes darted around nervously and his tongue darted out to wet his cracked lips. “B-but I wanted to make you cum first.”

“I can still cum,” You promised, and he reluctantly rolled off of you to lay beside you on his back. His little sharp inhale as you straddled his hips made you giggle again; tough, scary Jake was starting to sound like Steven.

“Mi alma,” Jake rasped as you ground into him; his head fell back into the pillows as you tried to situate yourself, testing different movements of your hips to see how he responded, his hands helping your movements as they settled on your waist.

And then you found it.

Back-and-forth, a combination of pressure coming from below before a pulling sensation from above, had Jake wailing beneath you.

His eyes rolled back as he pressed his head back into the pillows, writhing against you and bucking his hips to try and get more of you. “Oh, oh baby, just like that, just like that, ohhh, agh, ngh, agh, yes, yes, yes— just like that, yes, dios mio, yes!” You couldn’t help but smile, because Jake had never been so vocal, so loud. You took his hands as he had taken yours earlier, pinning them on either side of his head as you slowly ground into him the way he liked. He rambled incoherently in Spanish as you rolled your hips, twisting and writhing and bucking beneath you with a truly blissed-out look on his face. “Yes, ohhh, you perfect girl, yes, oh that feels so good, agh, don’t stop, please don’t fucking stop—“

You’d never seen Jake like this. The sight was enough to make your ecstasy driven closer faster, to see Jake of all people writhing under you. “Jake, baby— I need you to cum— can you cum for me?”

Your words sent Jake over the edge fast and hard. His pelvis shot up into you as you came, drenching him straight through your clothes— a week of no sex apparently did wonders for how powerful orgasms could be. Your vision blacked out for a second as you clenched on nothing, body spasming against your lover. Jake cried out brokenly as he reached his release, and you watched in awe as he turned his head with a blissful smile into where your hands connected, nuzzling, kissing, and biting gently at your wrist as he rode out his high, rutting into you breathlessly as he soaked through his pants. The warm afterglow of your orgasms allowed you to see how truly vulnerable Jake had let himself be. His eyes were closed. He was under you. He had given in to the lust he’d felt instead of demanding from it. Probably the most surprising of all was his face wiped free of worry. He was smiling as he nipped blissfully at your arm. You’d never seen Jake smile. Not once.

“Jake,” you whispered softly, although it took a couple tries to get his attention. He rolled his head around to look at you, his chest still heaving as he struggled for breath. He looked at you right now as if you’d hung all the stars in the sky, a romantic gaze you’d never witnessed on him. “Do you trust me?”

“More than anyone,” He answered immediately, taking that plunge without looking back once. Jake Lockley had just given you his heart, risking being broken and shattered and being unable to protect Marc and Steven.

You didn’t realize you were crying until he shook your hands off his wrists to take your face in his hands and kiss you with all the love he could muster. You didn’t realize that he’d flipped you both over until he broke the kiss to smile at you— a big, carefree smile that you belatedly understood was contagious. You wrapped his arms around his neck, kissing his smile. “I adore you,” He said, arms scooping under your torso to pull you close to him. He nipped playfully at any skin he could reach, making you squeal with barely-contained laughter as his attentions tickled you. You felt him beam into your neck, whispering “Mine,” with each kiss, bite, and lick he delivered. “Mine, mine, mine.”

“Mine,” You echoed, nipping at his ear. Suddenly Jake burst into deep laughter, burying his face in the crook of your neck. “What?”

“We sound like those damn seagulls in that Disney movie you watched with Steven,” Jake wheezed.

Your face screwed up as you tried not to bust out laughing. “You mean Nemo?!”

“Sí! That’s the one! Those damn birds, when they all flew into the sail?!” Your belly laughs turned into screeching giggles when Jake’s fingers dug into your sides, tickling you hard and pinning you when you squirmed. “Mine, mine, mine!” He imitated the seagulls before descending into playful growls, nestling his beaming face into yours.

“Jake!” You squealed, trying to stop the onslaught of his hands from assaulting you. You’d never seen such joy in his eyes as he wrestled with you on the bed, playfully snarling at each other; you tugged at the straps of his gun harness until they were piled somewhere beside the bed, discarded and forgotten. He pulled your jacket off your shoulders as he sat back on his heels and helped you into his lap to kiss you, his smile never faltering.

Your hands went under his shirt as his went to the backs of your thighs. He kissed you up under your jawline, sucking softly at your skin as you untucked and unbuttoned his shirt. “Mi corazoñ…” He shrugged off the pesky piece of clothing before cradling your head in one of his large hands, angling his head to kiss you deep and heated. His tongue battled with yours, breath mingling, as he used his free hand to work your shirt up and over your head, only breaking the kiss for a second before hurriedly returning to it once the shirt was flung somewhere in the room.

Jake’s hands slid down your back, making you moan and arch your body into his. He whimpered, unclipping your bra and flinging it aside carelessly before his hands returned to roam your bare torso, exploring, mapping your skin as he laid you back against the bed. His kisses tore your breath away, even as he pulled back to drag them down your jawline, sucking and biting on your neck as his nimble hands worked on getting your pants down. Yours were much less coordinated, trembling as you undid his belt.

Jake’s hips canted forward, trying to chase your touch when you grazed his crotch. His mouth captured yours in a searing kiss, tongue-first, with a soft moan in his throat. Your body arched up into him with a blissful sigh as he pushed your pants down, sweeping his hands underneath of you to grab handfuls of your ass and brought your pelvis up to meet his. You weren’t sure where to focus: on him devouring your mouth with insatiable hunger, or his arousal being ground into your soaking core.

There was an admittedly awkward struggle as you both squirmed out of your pants and underwear while trying not to separate very far from each other. Even a few inches seemed like too far, and Jake was clinging to you like a horny koala. He licked the shell of your ear, whispering breathlessly, “Can I taste you?”

You nodded so frantically there seemed to be a real danger of you getting whiplash, the action making him beam and chuckle against your neck. “Gracías, mi amor.”

He slid down your body, pressing loving kisses as he descended to the wetness between your thighs. He paused only to lick at your hard nipples, pulling on them gently with his teeth. His name escaped your lips as a faint whisper when he pushed your legs apart to bite and kiss your inner thighs gently— not even hard enough to leave black bruises, like he usually does. It’s gentle. He’s leaving marks, but not harsh ones. His attentions there had your aching heat throbbing for him, jealous of the love he was showing to the rest of your body and needing him urgently. “Jake, baby, please—“

“Shh,” He responded immediately, eyes flicking up to meet yours. “Shh, cariño. You don’t have to beg. You’ll never have to beg me for anything ever again.” You understood, then. Maybe your hurry to tend to his wounds had made him realize just how much you cared for him, and maybe he has finally accepted that his feelings for you are nothing like thinking you’re just his sex toy, as he would have led you to believe wholeheartedly if not for his alters. He doesn’t have to pretend that he’s only using you for a quick, rough fuck, just a release and nothing more. He’s worshiping you, trying to understand your body better and ensure you get all the pleasure you could ever need, the pleasure he believes you deserve.

Jake blew gently on your sex, making you gasp— he didn’t even hold your hips down very tightly. He rested his arms around your waist, steadying you but not stopping you. His little puffs of air were all the warning you receive before he slowly, sensually licked up your slit with a soft moan, black eyes fixated on your face. You gasped, hips bucking to try and meet the slow laps of his tongue. Jake surprised you by guiding your hips, helping you to grind against his face. His strong nose caught on your swollen clit and you nearly screamed, then again when his licking immediately ceased so that his mouth could capture the sensitive bud of nerves.

Your back arched into the air, eliciting some kind of loud gasp when Jake sucked hard on your clit. He hummed with satisfaction before pulling back to lap flat stripes up your heat, licking into your walls and around them with the eager motions of a man starved. You moaned and whined his name, urging him on, although it came out as something near to a scream when he inserted a finger into your dripping cunt, then two, moaning against you at the sensation of your walls squeezing his digits.

He sucked at your clit, tugging on it with his teeth before pressing his tongue flat to it. “Cum for me, mi vida,” Jake moaned into you, eagerly drinking from you as you soaked his face with your release. He tried to catch every drop possible on his tongue, pulling away slightly with a hum of satisfaction as he watched your pussy clench on nothing with a dazed look in his eye. “Tan hermosa…”

“Jake,” you writhed against his body, already craving more of him.

His hands found your waist as he lovingly kissed your hip bones, trailing kisses up to your neck. “Sixty nine?” Jake breathed against your skin, and your heart leapt into your throat. “Por favor?” Once again, Jake was asking. He was requesting something in bed when usually he simply took it from you. Not anymore. Jake was letting himself love you, and you were relishing the connection suddenly strengthening between the two of you. Your heart leapt into your throat as you nodded, pushing on his chest in a way to urge him to lay flat on his back.

Jake immediately complied, helping you shift around until you could straddle his face; you flushed at the position, but he didn’t give you much time to care. He almost instantly captured your core in a filthy open-mouthed kiss, lapping and sucking anywhere he could. The erotic gasp that left your mouth made him chuckle against your heat, his hands massaging your waist lovingly. “Mi amor,” he purred into you, the sound helping you to relax against him. You were concerned a bit for his breathing down there, but you knew that if he truly couldn’t, he’d simply lift you off of him.

As Jake pleasured you from below, you leaned down, dragging your teeth gently along the head of his cock before taking him as deep into your mouth as you could without gagging. The base you wrapped your hand around, squeezing and twisting gently as Jake moaned, bucking his hips slowly into your face. It wasn’t long at all before you felt another orgasm bubbling up in your lower stomach, Jake’s movements increasing in tandem with yours until quite suddenly, he lifted you clean off of him.

You yelped with surprise as he turned you around by your hips so that you faced the headboard and the wall, setting you down on his bare chest. He reached up to caress your face, only adoration in his gaze as he stared up at you. “I don’t want to finish yet. I…” he swallowed hard, licking his lips. “Can I finish inside you, princesa?”

Jake never finished inside you, except for your mouth. Steven once told you that Marc had felt the same way, that cumming inside you like that meant a deep level of intimacy that they hadn’t been ready for yet at the time. Steven had risked it, taken that plunge with you, and then Marc had. So far you'd never given them any reason to regret it, and you didn’t plan on it. But Jake… He’d always finish on you, aside from your mouth, careful to pull out every time so that not even a single drop ended up in you.

Your hands cupped his face as you kissed him deeply. “You really want that?”

Jake nodded. Almost frantically.

You smiled and shifted so that you could kiss him more easily, before allowing him to roll you both over. He positioned himself between your legs as he pressed a smiling kiss to your lips. “Te amo, mi vida.”

“Te amo, Jake,” you breathed, sharply sucking in when his thick cock probed your dripping entrance. It was always a stretch for your boys, with their impressive size— lengthwise and girth-wise. So when he began to sink in— slowly, instead of his usual swift bottoming out— you audibly gasped. “Should I slow down?”

“No,” you wrapped your arms around his neck. “No, you’re doing so good for me, Jake.” He moaned at that, pushing himself deeper at a steady pace until he was completely sheathed inside of you. Your moans and gasps filled the room; you knew that anyone walking by the flat would have no trouble at all discerning exactly what it is that you’re doing in here, especially with Jake’s begging earlier. “Jake, baby, you feel so good…”

Jake hissed near your ear, gently rocking his hips into you at a slow grind. You felt him deep within you, his head bumping against something devastating inside you with every roll of his hips. His mouth captured yours in a heated kiss, his tongue sliding against yours slowly in a sensual dance.

You felt that familiar golden glow of tension in your lower belly, bubbling up from your core. “J-Jake—“

He deepened his kiss in answer, knowing exactly what you needed. His hand snuck between your bodies to graze where you were connected, massaging you there and making you moan loudly into his mouth. Taking advantage of your slack jaw, he pushed his tongue deeper into your mouth as the pad of his thumb found your clit, rubbing slow and catastrophic circles over it that had you seeing stars.

Your bodies writhed against each other, arching and pressing and squirming to get more of each other. Faint breathless whispers of your names permeated the room, mixing with the thick smog of sex and desperate panting. When Jake’s hips increased their pace, you shifted your pelvis to meet each of his thrusts, making him almost shout. “Princesa… I-I’m close, I need you to cum; cum with me, mi vida—“

You followed Jake’s desperate plea without hesitation, crying out as your body spasmed and clenched down hard on him. Jake’s hips snapped into yours with a Spanish curse punched from his lungs as he came, pulsing into your walls with a strangled groan.

You sank into each other’s embraces as you rode out your highs, gasping and trying to catch your breath. In the post-sex glow, you were vaguely aware of Jake sitting up on his elbows over you as his breathing slowed. It was a little difficult to open your eyes, but you managed it; and Jake, eyes filled with adoration, stared down at you questioningly. “...I want to take you out to dinner. Somewhere nice. If that’s okay.”

The way he hit his lip nervously, as if you’d deny him… You pulled him close, allowing him within range to kiss you softly. “Of course that’s okay. You don’t have to ask.”

“...Actually, I kind of do. How else would you know that I’m making reservations somewhere?”

You playfully smacked his shoulder, making him smile into the side of your face, pressing kisses along your cheek and temple. “Te amo, te amo, te amo.” His lips found yours again, and he nudged his nose against yours.

“Love you more,” You whispered confidentially into his ear.

“Impossible,” Jake leaned up again, tapping your nose with his index finger. “Literally impossible. I love you to the moon and back.”

“That’s a stupid pun—“ You scoffed and spoke over him as he tried to interrupt you. “And I love you more than all the stars. There.”

“Well, I love you just as much, so… We’re even,” Jake’s face slowly burst into a broad grin, and he chuckled. “I can’t believe we just went that fucking sappy.”

“We’re just that in love,” You pointed out as he kissed the corner of your mouth with a soft hum.

“So… It’s a date? Dinner at 7? Should I pick you up at your place? I mean I know you live here, but I can just drive around the block until you’re ready.”

“Jake!” You giggled into his hold, tugging gently on his messy curls. “You’re such a dork!”

“Hm, well. You’re no different, cariño.”

“True.”

Your laughter descended into calm, where Jake stared into your eyes and searched your face, deft fingers tracing your features and memorizing you. “...Te amo, mi vida.”

You returned his slow kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Te amo… Mi alma.”

Jake smiled broadly into the kiss. “Thank you. For everything… For loving me. Us.”

You scoffed in disbelief, kissing him again. “Don’t thank me, Jake. If anything, I should be thanking you. You three are too good for me.”

“We’re not good enough,” Jake insisted into the skin of your neck. “We’re a fucking mess, mi luz de estrella.”

“You’re my mess,” you corrected. “And I’m your mess.” When he opened his mouth to argue, you cut him off, issuing a tap to his back with each admonishment. “Ah ah ah!” He pulled back to pout at you. “Nope. No more words outta you. Unless they’re happy.”

His mouth twisted into a smirk. “Happy. Happy happy happy.”

Jake burst into deep laughter when you lightly punched the shallow of his shoulder, pulling you with him as he rolled over onto his back. “You know what I meant!”

“I did. You’re just fun to mess with.” He pulled you close enough to kiss before helping you sit up. “Come on, mi corazoñ. Let’s get you to the bath.” He hissed when he pulled out of you, making you yelp. “Sorry; don’t worry, I’m gonna make you feel good. In a completely non-sexual way.”

You giggled without reserve into his neck as he picked you up and carried you to the bathroom, whispering promises of how well he’s going to treat you; and despite how many times you told him to stop, he still sprinkled little thank yous in there.

———

In the headspace, which duplicated the flat, Steven meandered around after reading another book and getting bored. Marc watched an old game on tv, taking no notice as Steven searched the rooms for something to do with no avail. With a heavy sigh, he decided to attempt co-fronting with Jake for a little bit, wondering what he was up to. Nothing illegal, I hope.

Steven frowned when he realized that Jake wouldn’t let him front. Immediately, he whipped around to look at Marc. “Oy! Marc! You tried fronting at all?”

Marc paused the game, making Steven’s jaw drop a little. Marc never paused a game, even if he’d seen it a million times. Never. “Oh shit. What happened?”

“Jake got hurt,” Marc replied, and Steven’s stomach dropped. “Y/N seen him.” Steven’s stomach dropped even further. “I was co-fronting for a few minutes, ready to take over for him… but Jake decided to admit how he feels to Y/N.” Steven’s stomach shot back up. He was surprised he was even still oriented enough to stand. Marc glanced at him pointedly, taking a sip of his coke. “Yeah. So uh… he went soft for her. Finally.”

Steven made a face like he was trying not to laugh. “That’s not a good thing for sex…”

Marc put his face in his hands. “Oh my god, Steven, you know what I fucking meant.”

“I did,” Steven nodded with a shit-eating grin, plopping down on the other end of the couch. “But that was just asking for a comment.”

“You’re learning too much from Jake,” Marc snapped, flipping the game back on with a frown.

“And you’re not learning enough,” Steven quipped, head tilting to the side. “I’m glad Jake’s finally telling Y/N how he feels, mate, but what about you?”

“What about me?” Marc was confused, Steven could tell. But he’s been thinking about how to help his alter for days. He’s not going to pass up the perfect opportunity to bring it up.

Steven faced him on the couch. “It took you how long to grow the balls to let yourself get pegged?” At Marc’s grimace, Steven hurriedly continued. “Why don’t you indulge in some of your other fantasies?”

“Like what?” Marc acted appalled. As if Steven wasn’t pretty much privy to his thoughts 100% of the time.

“Liiiiike, letting her tie you up? Letting her do whatever she wants to you? Blindfold you? Cuff you? Make you scream?”

“Shut up, man!” Marc snapped, aghast and flushing up to his hairline. Steven guessed that he probably hadn’t realized that he could hear him most of the time.

Steven struggled to keep from smirking. “Ight mate, that’s your choice. But whatever. I’m sure you can just sneak into the body whenever one of us tries that with her and we’ll let you take control.” With that, Steven left the couch and went back to his books, smirking to himself a little. The implication that Marc was being a coward would surely get him to act on his little fantasies. Honestly, between him and Jake, they’d been trying to get Marc to gather up the courage for ages now. His pining was making them feel bad for him.

Questioning his bravery was sure to do the trick.

Thanks for reading!

———

Spanish Translations (according to Google :|)

Gatita— kitten

Princesa— Princess

Mi amor— my love

Mierda— fuck

No es mi sangre— it’s not my blood

Lo siento mucho, amor, por favor, perdóname— I’m so sorry, love, please, forgive me

Voy a protegerte. Te voy a amar Y nunca, nunca te dejaré. Te amo, Jake. Te amo.— I’m going to protect you. I will love you and I am never, never going to leave you. I love you, Jake. I love you.

Mi luz de estrella— my starlight

Mi vida— my life

Mi corazoñ— my heart

Mi alma— my soul

Dios mio— my god

Cariño— sweetheart

Tan hermosa— so beautiful

Sí— yes

Gracías— thank you

———

Tags: @dameronsknight @sylkisdagger @atzlena @gucciboots @pastel-0-princess @poeticsorcery @rosaren2498 @love-on-the-murder-scene @wintergirlsoilder2 @blackcat-midnight-thatsme @multifandomsw @bookloverfilmoholic @khaotic-kris @hb8301 @soggumm @simonsbluee @adamcarlsenslvr @bluestuesday @magnet-girl @rosellacwrites @dweeb-central @ilymorepls @drwhofangirl1963 @loonymagizoologist @auszimbo @tealrivers @later-gators12 @izbelross @xcatnapsx @child-of-the-moon-gods @djarinsgirl27 @sokoviansorceress @eerievixen @cold-buffet-ham @upbeat-cascade @stark-kirk-rogers-grant-blog @candydancey @rqmanoff @jakelcckley @sharin4readers @lovely-cryptid @marc-spectorr @rmoonstoner @oscarisaacsspit @moonknightyws @hopefulfangirl24 @local-mr-frog @daawnsutopia @marc-spectorr @lovely-cryptid @poeticsorcery @evilcherries @smalls155 @kpopslur

[silverstonesainz-archive]

🫧 (just because this is the environment i’m in rn and can’t stop thinking abt it) you and max getting married and him having his bachelors or stag night or whatever you call it. and then him being so drunk and in love that he keeps calling you and telling you that. i’m so soft.

i love this i love this. max is such a simp sweetie, he would drunk call his fiancé on the night of his bachelors.

first off the attendees (grid-side only): daniel, charles, & lando. there's maybe a sprinkle of people who he works with closely, but for the most part its a pretty exclusive crowd.

vegas weekend, because how else would you celebrate max's final stag outing? before the locks & chains in daniel's words.

its a three day bender – at least that's the plan. daniel had a whole itinerary. he's a vegas veteran, he knows all the best spots.

theres brunch, and dinner, and of course the club. just alcohol left and right. safe to say max was pretty wasted early on in the night.

he stumbled over to the corner of the table, thumbs quickly tapping through his phone to find your name. and when he finds it, he taps it and presses his phone to his ear.

you weren't in vegas, instead in monaco in the middle of a dream before your phone ringing rudely interrupts your sleep.

max's name is on the screen, and when you answer you were not expecting to hear the loud base and techno beats screaming at you on the other end.

you can barely hear max over the music, far too tired to decipher what he's saying. "max?! i can't hear you?!"

"i miss you mijn liefje! where are you?"

to no avail, you still couldn't hear him. so you sigh, slightly annoyed as you hang up. you type down a text, sending it quickly before setting your phone down.

too loud, can't hear. is everything okay?

'i miss yu. wsh u r here. nede cudlses'

you smile at the text, responding with a quick i miss you and a promise to call him the next day. you let him know you were going to try to back to bed.

he's pouting in the club in vegas, just wanting to talk to you.

charles takes him back to the room, lando and daniel going to try their luck at the tables before retreating to bed.

once charles rolls (literally rolls) him into bed, max is groaning. "call y/n." "mate, she's probably asleep."

charles finally gives in, clicking your name (on max's phone) for a face time.

you whine softly, once again waking up to your phone ringing. you should've turned on your ringer.

"hello?" "hi y/n. sorry, max won't go to sleep til he talked to you."

the monegasque hands the phone to the dutchman, patting his back before leaving the room.

"hello champion. feeling alright?" you ask tiredly, eyes half open.

"better now. i miss you so much y/n. i love you so much too."

"i love you more, max."

[bubbledtee]

modern au 80s james seems like the type of boyfriend to text you late at night.... im talking two in the morning .... just to ask you if you wanna drive out and when you say yeah he immediately texts back saying that hes already outside ur driveway...

the two of you go through mcdonalds, james ordering for the both of you since he's so accustomed to what you get.... and then when you finally get your orders he just hits the road like there's no tomorrow.... im literally talking volume on full blast with the windows rolled all the way down while the two of you are screaming your hearts out to the songs he puts on!!!! james has one hand on the wheel and a quarter pounder in the other... cheese and ketchup literally dripping on his sweatpants... while ur feeding him fries or putting a straw up to his lips whenever he asks for a sip of his coke!!!! you guys just drive around.... james literally does not know where hes going but hes taking every turn whether it be left or right and the two of you are definitely sure you'll need a gps back if you have any hopes of getting back home...

but james parks in the middle of nowhere, probably in the lot of a park, and the two of you talk sooo much until you get tired... that's when he follows u to the backseat to sleep... you've got your head on his chest while you're in between his legs with his arms around you UGGHHHH and poor baby has to bend his knees or hike his legs up against the car door just to get comfortable cause he's just so tall!!!!

i miss him so bad im sorry

this is so!!!:$2&:!183!:$2&&:$; my god i need this.

first of all, you’ll definitely walk out wearing one of his sweatshirts (one that he got from football too so it says his last name on the back i’m crying so loud rn can you hear me) that’s so long on you that the ends of the sleeves will hang from your arms. he thinks it’s absolutely friggin adorable and just udhehdxkjend he’s so enamored by you.

and then when he orders for you, right before he pulls up to the drive thru he’ll ask “your usual, right, baby?” and you’ll nod at him with a big smile because i can just imagine how gorgeous and perfect he looks ugehdhdhdjkw

i can’t keep going with this or else i’m gonna have a stroke

also,,,,,, him driving with his hand on your thigh?!!:$:!:$3&!:!:& hello?!!:!:!:!38:! i’m so ill rn i love you sm velvet your asks give me life rn

[lqfiles]

BROOO JAEMIN GET BEHIND ME I WILL FIGHT ANYONE FOR YOU AND YOUR CAT (even tho my dog wont let me bc she doesn’t like the smell of other animals on me 😔 BUT I’LL TRY)

also thank you for the new update 😋🫶🏼 EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU BEFORE I CRAWL OUT UNDER YOUR BEDS WITH A MASK ON IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT 😋😋😋

and yesss there are gendered words in Spanish for example “la foto” (the picture) is feminine “la mano” (the hand) is feminine, “el programa” (the program) is masculine, “el planeta” (the planet) is masculine. so the word “la” leans more towards femininity. for example: “la mujer” (the woman). “el” leans more towards masculinity. for example: “el hombre” (the man)

(also, its not easy for me to explain it 😭 but again, I’m here if it’s confusing 🫡)

and about my writingggg, i just started the series, im writing another piece of writing, im finishing one, and i just came up with another… my brain doesn’t stop 😭 that’s why i spend my time readinggg (also i read these two other books this week and so good)

but AGAIN i will literally take haechan in a fist fight i can do it guys swear! I throw hands (no I don’t) and I can do it (no I can’t) AND I GOT THIS (i’ll leave it you guys)

- 🫧

(also bella just posed for me on my digital camera and she looks like a doll/stuffed animal 😭 I guess that tired her bc she’s sleeping rn)

me fr because i’m the biggest cat person and jaemin has the cutest cats fr, anyways yasss that’s gonna be it for now i’ll try and make some of the new chaps soon 😝

its not confusing i surprisingly understand it, so if someone were to type something and started it with la you would be able to immediately tell they’re a woman? or am i wrong..

OH YOURE BUSYYY plsss how are you gonna handle all that at the same time 😭 have you decided what you’re gonna focus on? and maybe give us a little sneak peak 👀 the way i came up with a new fic idea too, WERE JUST SO FULL OF CREATIVITY!!

LMFAOOOOOO EXACTLY I (most non confrontational person ever) will beat his ease if he doesn’t stop (i would never lay a hand on a person cos i’m too scared) he better watch it 😒

ALSO OMGGG YOU JAVE A DIGITAL CAMERA?? i’ve been wanting one for ages, i feel like taking pictures on those just hits different, i bet the picture came out looking super duper cute aaweee, i was gonna say that you should show me but idk if you can even send digital camera pics to your phone or anything like that

[thedeathdeelers]

lost in japan by shawn mendes but make it juke

sunset curve and julie molina are both currently on (separate) tours. sunset curve are reaching the end of their world and are headed back to the US but have a couple days off before they have to fly back

julie is still halfway through her tour, and is currently in tokyo, jet-lagged and tired but still loving the life she chose to follow (although she does miss people from home. luke. ray. carlos. flynn. luke. her tia. luke.) (she knows he’s on tour as well and wouldn’t be able to see him even if she was in the US but still)

//

it’s been a long day, long week, long month, and julie honestly can’t remember the last time she was given free time to just enjoy something as simple as lying down on a soft bed, and not stressing out about how long she has left until she needs to be up and getting ready for the next day. so she stretches out her limbs, one by one, and lets the soft bedsheets pull her in deeper.

she’s never been a huge fan of hotel beds, but this one definitely takes the cake.

she burrows deeper in the feather soft duvet, and is nearly halfway to fully passing out, when the phone still in her hand buzzes once — a message.

her fingers are sluggish as she unlocks her phone and taps on the message — only to visibly perk up when she sees who’s texting her.

luke: hey

julie can’t seem to help the little smile that tugs at the corners of her mouth.

julie: hey

luke: you got any plans for tonight?

julie: sleep and then maybe some more sleep after that. you?

she puts her phone down, expecting to wait a little longer for a reply, only to hear her phone buzzing away again.

luke: hmm i was thinking…

julie’s too impatient to wait, so she texts right back.

julie: thinking?? luke, who stole your phone??

she allows a smirk to take over her face as she waits for his message.

luke: ha. ha.

luke: stop distracting me

luke: as i was saying before i was so rudely interrupted

julie giggles at his reply, legs swinging in the air as she watches the three little bubbles popping in and out of their chat as he types away.

luke: japan isn’t that far from where i am rn

luke: and i was thinking

luke: i could maybe fly to where you’re staying tonight…if you’d like that?

luke: cause honestly…i seriously can’t get you off my mind

julie freezes as she reads his texts, not fully registering the meaning behind his words. they had only started seeing each other recently, but she missed him so much. she had gotten so used to having him around her recording booth, around the label’s building — just around her, in her life.

they had both been booked to set off on separate tours at different times, and she hasn’t seen him in person in weeks.

but she didn’t want to seem needy or clingy..,so she had avoided texting him too much, or video calling him in fear he might be about fans or with the boys or just enjoying himself touring the world.

but these texts that he was sending her, they…was he missing her as much as she missed him? was it possible-

julie jumps back into the present when the phone in her hand starts buzzing incessantly, signalling that someone was calling her. she barely registers the name on her screen before she answers, pressing the phone to her ear.

“hello?” she sounds dazed, even to her own ears.

“so, what do you think? i-i’d love to see you.”

julie feels her heartbeat pick up at the oh-so familiar sound of his voice; so close yet so far.

“i-i-”

“i uh, i’m sorry for just surprising you with this out of nowhere, i-” he lets out a breathless laugh, and julie can just picture his hand reaching back as he starts nervously scratching at the back of his head. “i’ve been wanting to do this all tour but the boys said i needed to uh- to..slow down.”

julie can feel her facing heating up while a wide smile stretches out almost painfully across her face.

“all tour, huh?”

“….yup.”

“hm, how soon do you think you can get here?”

she hears what sounds like a phone dropping to the ground, followed by luke swearing and the fumbling of fingers before she hears his voice again, somewhat breathless.

“i’m already at the airport. give me a few hours?”

julie laughs at his words — he was unbelievable. her heart squeezes at the emotions raging through her, feeling almost lightheaded.

“cant wait.”

[evesley]

Okay so I have some time to actually type a post about Andres

We met on bumble. He super swiped me.

We talked on and off for like a month. Usually like 2 lines a week/ 2 weeks.

We finally decided to meet up and we went to Cava. It went good. He told me he’s Syrian, but he was born in Venezuela so he can speak Spanish. He said that he’s the best of both worlds. I thought that was so hot. He got me with that.

We found out we both got into a car accident around the same time, and we both got a new car recently.

We ended up going to this party he knew about. He picked me up after I changed my clothes. It was a match day party for med students. Pretty cool. The crowd there was not who I’m used to hanging with, but it was still pretty lit. Met his friends. Pretty cool.

We went to bottled blonde in Fort Worth after that with a couple of his friends. I don’t really remember that part.

And then I invited them to an after party I knew about after that. They liked it. He liked me.

Then he took me home. Didn’t try to kiss me. Didn’t try to hug me. No hand holding. No touching. I liked that. I am so tired of guys trying to do things the first day. We got home right at sunrise. It was around 7am.

I went to work the next day. It sucked. But he texted me all day. We ended up hanging out after I got off. I told him I needed to go grocery shopping and decided to go on a walk to stay awake and maintain a sleep schedule. He asked if I wanted company, and I said yes. I thought this was cute.

We went to smoothie king and then went grocery shopping. He came to pick me up again. I really liked that. He has a brand new Lexus is350. It’s pretty nice.

When we were at Walmart, I recognized his Snapchat name. We’ve met before on Snapchat. He rejected me because I had a son. I remembered this. I kept on distance while with him.

We went to market street after. I wanted to do my thing while checking out, but self check outs were closed, so I put everything back. I was soooo embarrassed. He was okay with it. I was still so embarrassed. He dropped me off at home. No touching again. I liked that.

We didn’t talk the whole next day. I was too embarrassed.

He texted me a balance beam emoji. He told me embarrassing things about him to balance out my embarrassment. He was so sweet.

I told him I recognized him and that I have a son and that I’m not trying to mess around.

He gave me the best response ever. And then he told me he wanted to meet up bc he has something to tell me too. I rejected so hard. But then I gave in.

We had our first garage hang.

(I’m reminiscing so hard rn. Currently at the pool and trying not to cry.)

He told me he’s a part of this Druze religion and that we probably can’t date or anything. I told him I’m not looking to date not to marry.

But we kept talking. And hanging out. And he just did everything right. He was kind of everything I’ve been looking for.

We talked all day everyday, and we hung out almost everyday. “Garage hang” is what we called it.

Every question and every difficult topic we talked about- he answered it perfectly. The words. Just him in general.

We did so many things together. Hotel room bath tubs for bath bombs. The arboretum.

[thatfuzzyfamiliarspace]

Why do I keep freaking out.

Everytime I fail and he had to correct me it feels horrible. I hate fucking up. And ESP when he asks me something and I have no clue what the right answer is.

Sometimes I’m not sure when to address him as “Sir”. Am I saying it too much ? And then sometimes I generally don’t know what he’s asking. Like today he didn’t use any punctuation in his question so it confused me. If he had put “will do, what ?” Id have understood. But he put “will do what?” So I read it differently.

I still feel so insecure. About my image, my behaviour, my level of “performance”.

He says I’m the best sub he’s ever had but I find it so hard to believe. Esp with Georgia. She would’ve been perfect, I don’t see how I could be better than her in anyway. She was perfect for him. I remember all the snaps he’d send me of her. I’d never be able to fuck around like that. She was happy to do so. And that’s what he wants.

God I hate feeling like this. I don’t feel good enough for him. And feeling like this doesn’t give me to drive to be better. If I was doing well I’d have so much more oomf to be better. But when I’m like this I just feel like what’s the point. I don’t wanna embarrass myself trying. I don’t want him to ask me to do something and I look awkward and not sexy.

God that tone, it acc haunts me. I hate when he talks to me in that tone. He says it’s him being strict but all I hear is disappointment. I’ve tried to tell him, that it takes me out the zone. But I don’t think he gets it.. he can be strict and nice to me and I’ll be so much better.. that’s what pisses me off ! If he coached me differently I’d excel so my faster. But he’s adamant I need that type of treatment.

Why am I having a bad day /: I had a really good night last night. There’s nothing stressing me out. I’ve got the weekend to look forward to. God I wish he was coming with. I really want him there. But I feel like I can’t ask him.

I just feel like shit rn. And he can say all these lovely things but I’m too low to listen rn. It won’t register. I need those things said normally, unprompted, when I’m feeling good and okay. When he just says it when I’m low it just comes across like he’s just tryna say what I wanna hear to get me to be up.

I’m excited to go see him at lunch. I hope he has sommin good planned. I want restraints. My god I wanna be restrained so badly. He never uses any cuffs, ropes or any other harnesses. He hasn’t put those restraints under the bed he had before. Why doesn’t he wanna use those things ? For someone who really wants to use toys he doesn’t use them nearly as much as I expected he would.

What gets me was when it was all new and the 3 of us, he would use stuff, he was really keen to constantly “ramp things up”. But now it’s a different pace again. Ik I shouldn’t compare the times but I can’t help but wonder what’s the reason for the change ? Did he just wanna tick stuff off quickly ? And the whole sleep thing too. I miss that. I miss how he would touch me when he was asleep. How he’d constantly wanna hold me and touch me. It’s not like that now. Why was I so wanted then but not now ? Like it’s fucked up but the fact his subconscious mind wanted me so badly he fucked me without protection to the point I had to safe word was so fucking hot. That’s why I kept going. Feeling that wanted was what I’ve always craved. I’m addicted to that feeling. And idk there’s just so many things that I feel are pending now. It’s always “soon” or “It’s hot, I’m tired” many a valid reason but it’s always postponed. Whereas before it was so much more regular.

This is sucha toxic thought process. I hate reverting to thinking about those times. But I can’t help it. That was the happiest I’d ever been in my life. And I’m a chaser. I will forever chase the level of serotonin i got in those 2 months. That’s unfair on him. It’s not right. But I can’t help it.

All these feelings are so fleeting, they repeat don’t get me wrong. I feel like this a lot. But it comes and goes and sometimes it’s strong and sometimes it’s completely not applicable.

Idk what it is that I need that I feel like I’m not getting. He does so much. Why am I so ungrateful ? Is it the romance side ? Am I knit-picking at the sexual/dynamic side because I’m not getting all the romantic shit I want and need ? God fucking knows. Because when I deep it, I spiral on to tangents that aren’t even significant. It’s just in the moment and I get so hyperbolic about stuff I never know how I truly feel. In the moment it’ll matter most in the world but give it 30 mins or an hour or a day and I don’t care to the same level. It’s so confusing.

I wish this was a happy post. I wish I got to write yesterday when I did feel good. I feel like all I write is the low stuff. I feel like I’m low more than I’m up. He doesn’t want some sad bitch all the time. I need to get a cap on this shit. I’m taking my vitamins, I’m back in my gym routine. I’m taking care of myself. Idk what more I can do to stop this never ending cycle of feeling shit with the rarity of a good day.

[kudosoncontinuing]

This is a message for me and only me:

I’m just so sorry for everything that I put you thro, iknow that you’re trying and been trying for a while now and I know that you’re feeling so down rn, I know that life feels so heavy right now

I know that you’re lonely, feeling so empty and out dated

Trust me it’s going to get better, it sometimes does

Does it?

I’m fighting so many demons and so many battles all day everyday, no one knows about

I just wish i can pour everything outta my brain, cause cut me ASLACK PLS im so tired so so so tired. So drained. So lifeless

I don’t think I have realized that before, I truly feel like life sucks

It sucks so much

I’m having some weird thoughts tonight, I wish I can write them down cause I know I don’t mean them at all I’m just so done with everything I’m and been going thro

This is isn’t easy at all, never has been I know m

But pls god pls some mercy on me I’m losing it, I wish I was pretending but this is my reality

So sad so fucking sad

WHY DOES IT FEEL SO HARD TO LIVE LIFE THESE DAYS

i want to be free

I’m so sick of living inside my dark ass mind, nobody knows, nobody notices, just a bunch of ppl caring about their lives where I won’t be

I want to be free again

God pls pls pls, can you help me when no one is

Can you be there for me cause nobody is

Can you help me get out these crazy lifeless things I’m going through

It’s been like this for months

And I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake

I’m just so done, so over everything

It’s 11:43 pm in here, im in Egypt, alexndria to be exact,

It’s so dark so dark over here

I can hear some cars beeps other than that I can’t hear anything, it feels so calm the type that would make you sleep in peace or maybe eat your graves in peace or shall I say my grieves are eating me alive rn

I don’t want to sound un thankful cause I really am so thankful for everything and I know that’s that is a part of the journey but can I be tired for today can I cry for hours? Can I make everything look bad, can I please scream everything out

I cant fit in this greeny world we live in, for today at least

Is that ok?

I’m losing my mind, i know I am, I kinda tend to gas light myself that I’m making these sorrows out of nothing or at least little things

But ok when I’m all about making things up here why does IT FEEL so heavy? Why does my throat hurt this much? Why can I even make a crying sound rn why can’t I just be TODAY

I think I’m done with writing or am I

I just don’t know I don’t even have anyone to talk to. Is that sad enough for me to believe myself?

When I say I’m not ok now, can i pls just believe myself today, I don’t even want to prove nobody anything but myself, so hey please can you believe that can you please let your guards down today for yourself

Can i pls just stop being this harsh on myself -

That’s it.

[emmyhem]

everything you’re missing (c.t.h)

a/n: hi everybody, i’m back with another post. this is my first calum piece and i’m so excited to finally get it up. this is once again unedited, i’m way too tired rn. it’s also the second smut i’ve posted so that’s pretty exciting as well. yeah i don’t really have much to say right now because i’m literally exhausted, my classes are really kicking my ass. anyway i hope you all enjoy this bff!calum piece. feedback and comments are always appreciated. hope you all are doing well and are being safe. thank you - emmy <33

pairing: bff!calum hood x fem!reader

summary: a drunken text meant for your ex shows up on calum’s phone and leaves him questioning everything he’s missing out on with his best friend.

warning(s): talk of a previous bad relationship, y/n’s ex body shamed her, mentions of alcohol, insecurity, smut, cursing

word count: 4.7k

You’ve decided that 3 glasses of wine is your happy medium, but even a sip into the 4th and there’s no telling what you’ll do. 

So, naturally you were finishing up your 5th glass on Friday night while angrily scrolling through your exes instagram when you got what seemed to be an incredible idea. It was simply too tempting not to, your mind was feeling hazy which made your confidence skyrocket, and you truly did just look good. 

A day of pampering had left you in a black floor length silk robe with nothing but your favorite deep cherry red lingerie set underneath. Your face was bare and glowing after a refreshing and illuminating face mask, and your lips were left glossy and plump from a new scrub. 

You had posed in front of the floor length mirror in your living room, giggling between snaps until you had taken the perfect shot. It was classy but provocative, the dressing gown slipping from your shoulders exposing the lace of your bra and a tasteful amount of cleavage. You had also left the bottom open, allowing a clear shot of your thighs and the curve of your ass from where you sat on your knees. 

With a mischievous glint in your eyes you selected the picture into a message, typing a cheeky, “take a good look at everything you’re missing”  and sending it off to your ex (or so you thought). 

But you really couldn’t be blamed for your mistake, Cam and Cal were far too similar for your drunk brain to decipher the difference. You also couldn’t be blamed for the fact that you dozed off on the couch immediately after sending it, before you even had a chance to recognize your humiliating mistake. 

You were awoken by the ringing of your phone at around 9:00 am, way too early for your liking. Before even registering who it was, you brought the phone to your ear and groaned a sleepy, “hello,” 

“At your door.” a voice you recognized as your best friend responded. 

“M’coming” you said, scooting off the couch. On your way to the door you registered that you were still scantily covered, the robe falling off of you as you walked. You clutched it around you as you swung the door open to a wide eyed, Calum Hood. 

“G’morning.” he smirked, looking you up and down. 

“Shh” you hushed, pulling him in by the arm. “Why in the world are you here so early?”

He lightly laughed while taking a seat at the kitchen table, eyes following you while you moped over to the fridge and pulled out two water bottles. 

“Well,” he sighed as you handed him one. “I got a very interesting text last night and I figured I just had to come over and see, y’know everything I was missing.” he spoke in a teasing tone as he gestured a hand down your body.

You tugged your eyebrows together in confusion. There was something familiar about what he was saying, but not familiar enough for you to put the pieces together. 

“What are you talking about?” you questioned bringing the water bottle to your lips. 

Calum shrugged his shoulders, a smirk still glued to his face as he took out his phone and began looking for something. After a few seconds he extended his arm to hand you his phone. You accepted it and glanced down absentmindedly as your body slumped against the counter.  

The second your eyes hit the screen it all came back to you, your mouth fell open and you straightened out, suddenly very awake, not to mention very mortified. 

Calum on the other hand was buzzing. Actually, he had been ever since his phone dinged last night awakening him from his sleep. Well, buzzing and extremely, extremely sexually frustrated. 

When he first opened your message and saw the picture that would now be making a regular appearance in his wet dreams, he had nearly choked on his own breath. He knew that it was most likely a drunken mistake, and while that slightly saddened him it didn’t stop his dick from plumping up at the sight, straining uncomfortably against his boxers. He seriously debated wanking to the tempting image but decided against it, thinking it would be a gross violation of your privacy since it wasn’t even meant for him. Oh how he wished it was. Unfortunately that meant he had been sporting an exceptionally sensitive halfie since then. 

“Oh my god.” you groaned, sitting the phone down on the counter and covering your eyes in humiliation. “Cal I’m soooo sorry, I was drunk, and overly confident, and I meant to send this to Cam and now I’m just, I’m sorry.” you reiterated. 

‘Hey, don’t apologize on my account.” he countered. “Plus, you should be thrilled you sent it to me and not that asshole, doesn’t deserve ya.” 

“I know, you’re right. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m mortified though. S’bit ridiculous, get a little alcohol in my system and I have a god complex all of a sudden” you rambled, running your hands through your hair nervously. 

Calum stood and pulled you into his arms, resting his chin on the top of your head. 

“You think too much, y’know that?” he quipped. 

You turned your head, pressing a cheek against his sweater clad chest and mumbled, “Yea I’ve been known for that.” 

Calum softly chuckled at your words before pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head and pulling apart. 

“S’really no big deal, y/n.” a teasing grin plastered on his face. “Besides I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it.”

“Calum!” you scolded, swatting a hand at his arm. 

He dodged your hit just in time and held his hands up in surrender before taking his seat again. 

“Why'd you let that dick bother you anyway? Y’know you’re way out of his league.” 

Your jaw clenched at the question, your mind wandering to every time you had come to Calum crying after your ex had done something to hurt you. Everytime he commented on your “stomach pudge” as he liked to call it, when you wore a tight dress to go out. Or when he would ask if you were really “that” hungry, even if you hadn’t eaten much at all. And each time you would feel absolutely wretched and end up sobbing in Calum’s arms, but refusing to tell him why you were so, so sad. 

“He texted me the other day y’know?” you muttered under your breath, while fiddling with the coffee machine. 

“Really? What’d he say?” Calum responded, watching your back with narrowed eyes. 

“Uh, he saw me the other night, when we were at that bar with the guys.” you said, shaky fingers pulling out a mug. 

“And?” he spoke flatly. 

“It’s stupid really,” you sniffled, willing your voice not to break. “He said I put on a few pounds, that he was glad he got out when he did.” your bottom lip traitorously jutted out as you turned to face him. 

“Fucking dick.” he hissed. 

Calum wasn’t necessarily proud of the violent images that flashed through his mind at the thought of that asshole finding yet another way to hurt you but, the sad little quiver of your lip allowed him to reason without a doubt that they were fair. 

Before you could even blink he was holding you again, arms impossibly tight around you. . 

“He’s wrong, y/n. Fuck, I don’t know how to even...he’s just so wrong.” he said softly, his hand rubbing your back reassuringly. 

“I know.” you whimpered, holding tears back. 

He pulled back enough to look you in the eyes, arms still firm around your waist. 

“No you don’t. It’s...It really fucking pisses me off that he makes you feel like this. It’s like-fuck you’re just like-” he moved his hands to cup your cheeks. “You really are gorgeous.” 

Your heart fluttered at his words, and your whole body felt warm as you stared at his big brown eyes. His words felt sincere, everything about him felt so sincere. 

“Thank you, Cal.” 

He pulled you back into his chest, “Really wish I could just, like hug away all his bullshit.” 

“M’used to it.” you mumbled. 

“You don’t deserve any of it.” 

“Yea, well what can you do.” you sighed, moving out of his embrace. 

Calum’s eyes were still glued to you as you stirred a spoonful of sugar in your coffee. 

“I hope you don’t let anything he says get to you.” 

You let out a breath of exhaustion. 

Confidence wasn’t something that you used to struggle with. I mean sure, there were spouts of insecurity here and there but you knew your worth, and you considered yourself pretty, hot even. That had all changed a few months into your latest relationship. First it was the backhanded compliments which quickly turned into passive comments, and then outright cruel insults. People really underestimate the toll their words take on others, especially when the person that’s making you feel so ugly and worthless, is one that you adore and who’s supposed to adore you right back, no matter what. 

“I try but, he can’t just be making it all up.” you were ashamed. When did you become the girl that lets a guy affect how she sees herself? That just wasn’t you. 

“He is. He’s insecure and a douche. He was probably trying to destroy your confidence to the point that you felt like you couldn’t leave him.” Calum assured. “But you’re way too strong for him, dumped his sorry ass anyway.” 

You smiled gratefully at his words, taking a seat next to him. 

“Yea, so strong I tried to send him half naked pictures for reassurance.” 

Calum shook his head, “I wish you could see how hot you are.” 

Your eyes widened at the compliment, your head dropping to avoid his stare as blood rushed to your cheeks. 

“I’d be happy to reassure you whenever you want.” he continued, bumping his knee against yours under the table. 

“Doesn’t count.” you dismissed, before sipping your coffee. “You're my best friend, you’re obligated to tell me I’m pretty.” 

“Doesn’t mean I don’t mean it.” he muttered back quietly, his expression dropping slightly. He hated when you deflected his compliments. All he ever wanted to do was make you feel good, and you made it very difficult for him when you blocked every swing he took at the wall of insecurity that Cam had built around you. He would kill Cam if he could. 

You let out an apologetic sigh, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face in his shoulder. 

“M’sorry, you’re right. I love you for that, the only thing keeping me sane.” 

Your heart squeezed as he hugged you back. 

Calum was perfect, he was sweet, and funny, and quite literally your favorite person on earth. Not to mention you had been hopelessly in love with him since practically the beginning of your friendship. But as his best friend you had heard over and over just how uninterested he was in a relationship. Everytime you would ask about his love life he would just respond, 

“I’m just not the boyfriend type, m’not cut out for it.” shrugging nonchalantly. 

Which you thought was laughable because anyone would be lucky to have him as a boyfriend, in fact sometimes you would let yourself pretend he was yours. 

Like,in a busy club with his hands on your hips, guiding you through the crowds. So close behind, you could feel each exhale on the back of your neck, as his eyes darted around the room to ensure there weren’t any potential threats to your safety, in the form of drunk overzealous flirts. Or after a night out when he got cuddly and clingy, and would find his way from the couch into your bed. You’d wake up with his cheek pressed against your chest and his arms snaked around your torso as he released soft breaths that caused goosebumps to rise on your exposed skin. You’d let yourself imagine that you had this every morning and that he would wake up any minute to smother your face in kisses and tell you he loved you. And of course, here he was again this morning being so thoughtful and kind and everything you wanted in a boyfriend. And here you were again swimming in his praises and physically having to restrain yourself from kissing him. 

Begrudgingly, you pulled away and stood up. 

“Gonna get changed.” you spoke. 

“I’m making us breakfast.” Calum called as you walked away. You hummed in response and slipped into your room. 

Once in the privacy of your own room you quickly pulled on a pair of leggings and a hoodie before scurrying to the bathroom sink and splashing cold water on your face in hopes of ridding yourself of any romantic thoughts towards your best friend.

Although you weren’t aware, Calum was doing the very same thing just a few feet away. Internally reminding himself repeatedly that it was never gonna happen with you. He wasn’t good enough to be anyone’s boyfriend, let alone yours. You didn’t want him that way and he could almost trick himself into believing that he was okay with that.

You hastily finished brushing your teeth before returning to the kitchen. You were greeted with the sight of Calum’s back, he stood over the toaster cutting an avocado and humming a song you didn’t recognize quietly to himself.  He looked over his shoulder as your footsteps approached. 

“Hungry?” he questioned. 

“You have no idea.” you affirmed, as he fixed a plate for you both. 

“Good. I was thinking we could watch something while we eat,” 

“Fine with me.” you responded, hoping he wouldn’t notice the distraction laced in your voice. Your focus had easily been stolen from the conversation to how easy it was to see his back muscles flex through the thin material of his jumper. 

But of course he did, it was Calum after all. 

“Y’alright?” he said, handing you a plate. 

“Uh, yep.” you rushed out. 

“Not still thinking about Cam, are you?” 

“No, not at all.” you answered honestly, walking to the couch, Calum trailing closely behind you. 

“Then what’s got you all flustered?” 

“You” you thought, taking a seat in the furthest corner. 

“I’m not flustered.” 

“Bullshit” he countered, sitting practically on top of you. 

You let out a huff, and motioned to the other  completely empty side of the couch. 

“Is there a reason we aren’t practicing personal space right now?” 

He laughed softly at your question and nuzzled closer into your side. 

“Yea, you’re all pouty, looks like you need a cuddle.” 

 “I’m really fine Cal.” you shoved him lightly but saw no results, he just scooched in even closer and bit into his toast. 

The two of you sat in silence while some newly released action movie played on your TV. Calum’s arm was wrapped around your shoulders keeping you tight to his side, and although you could’ve sworn that you had been in this exact same position hundreds of times, you felt as if this were the very first time. Every single one of your nerves were on fire and the warmth that had flooded your body was making you antsy. 

Feeling overwhelmed by your senses, you allowed your eyes to flutter close with a deep inhale. 

“You okay?” Calum whispered, dipping his head down slightly to reach your ear.

You opened your mouth to respond but didn’t trust your voice to protrude through your shaky exhales, settling for a subdued nod instead. 

“You sure?” his words were long and drawled out, despite your eyes being closed you knew his proximity from the feeling of his breath just behind your ear. 

Before you could speak up his hand secured itself just above your knee, and your muscles flexed involuntarily at the contact. 

“Relax, y/n” he continued, his thumb beginning to run repeatedly over a spot on your inner knee. 

Everything in your brain was screaming at you to excuse yourself, maybe even kick him out, anything to gain some space and hopefully some clarity from the cloud of sexual tension that was looming over the two of you and blurring boundaries at lightning speed. But you were essentially frozen in place, petrified that any movement would alert Calum to the way he was affecting you. 

Your head lolled back to rest on his forearm which was lying behind you on the couch and finally peeled your eyes open, staring up at the ceiling. 

He watched you from the corner of his eye, taking note of every rise and fall of your chest, every thick swallow of your throat. 

If there was one thing Calum was well versed in, it was his ability to read you, he liked to think he knew you better than anyone else in the world. He could tell exactly how you were feeling just by watching you, your face, your breathing and he was more than shocked when he started getting the feeling you were no longer upset but something far more appealing. 

Were you turned on? Right here in his presence? The thought made blood rush to his dick, which twitched in his pants when another breathy sigh passed your lips. 

“What’re you thinking about, love?” 

Everything in you urged you to answer honestly, just tell him the truth. “You, I’m thinking about you. I’m always thinking about you.” But you couldn’t do that, so instead you deflected. 

“What’re you thinking about?” you countered, meeting his eyes. 

Calum questioned his next words very carefully, debating whether or not he could recover if he was wrong about what you were feeling and you shut him down. It was pointless though, he knew he would never recover from your rejection. He also knew that spontaneous combustion wouldn’t look very good on his tombstone and that’s exactly what would happen if he spent one more minute not kissing you. 

Fuck it. 

“That pretty little set you had on last night.” he confessed. 

That you weren’t expecting. 

A quiet whine rang from your throat and you were far too affected to feel embarrassed. 

And that did it, Calum was now impossibly hard in his pants, no doubt leaking precum onto his boxer briefs. He needed to get his hands on you, now. 

His hand started to slowly travel up your thigh, goosebumps rising on every centimeter they passed. 

“So gorgeous in red, aren’t ya y/n?”

“Cal,” you hissed when his thumb brushed the sensitivity of your inner thigh. 

“Mm.” he hummed. “It’d be pretty hard fo’me to stop right now, but I will if that’s what you want. Is that what you want, love?” 

He was sure he’d cry if he had to let go of you now, but he needed to hear you say it. 

“No, don’t wanna stop.” you whined, turning your body flush to his.

“Whaddya want then, baby? Hm?” You could feel his every word on the flushed skin of your neck as he leaned into the crook.

“Want you.” 

He could’ve came then and there. 

“Then I’m all yours.” he admitted before crashing his lips on yours. 

Your heart was in your stomach as his tongue entered your mouth, explorative and eager. He was too busy memorizing your taste to notice your fingers tugging at his sweater. You attempted to push it up desperate to feel his skin under your hands. You were able to pull the fabric up about halfway before they were blocked by his arms that were holding you close against him.

Calum laughed when you pulled apart from the kiss, giving him a disappointed look. 

“Want it off?” he teased. 

You couldn’t bother to be embarrassed when you nodded eagerly in response. He didn’t waste any time peeling the fabric off of his skin, and you were quick to lightly run a finger across the ink feather just below his collarbone. 

Now it was his turn to tug on your clothes, “Level the playing field?” 

You nodded, lifting your arms and allowing him to lift the sweatshirt over your head leaving your chest completely bare. Calum groaned at the sight of your tits, his hands quickly finding your waist and tugging you down to lay on your back in one swift motion. 

Once you were laid out in front of him he took the opportunity to explore the new skin. His hands left a lingering warmth as they dragged across your stomach and despite the kind words and endearing demeanor that he always upheld with you, you found yourself shying under his gaze, wanting to curl away from him. As your hands began to wrap around your stomach in an attempt to cover yourself up he quickly pushed them away, locking them in place on either side of you. 

“Wanna see everything baby, all of you.” he cooed in your ear before nipping at the lobe. 

His kisses began to travel down your neck, sucking a few marks to your collar bones and the surrounding areas. When his fingers grazed over a fresh bruise in the dip just between your neck and shoulders you hissed lightly. 

“You look so pretty marked up for me. All mine, aren’t you baby? Not Cam’s, mine. Say it.” 

“Yours, Cal.” you admitted, feeling your body sink further into the couch. You had never felt drunk off of someone’s words before and the experience was leaving you sputtering, completely compliant to your best friend. 

He hummed contently at your confession, his large hands gripping at your hips, before slowly peeling your leggings off.

“Y’feel so good in my hands, like you were made for me.” his thumbs poking at the soft skin, just beneath your panties. 

The feeling of his hands so close to where you needed them, but not quite there was driving you crazy. 

“Cal, please.” you begged. 

He groaned before tugging at the cotton covering you. “Cam’s a fucking idiot, y’know that? He had the prettiest girl in the world and treated her like shit. I’d never do that, wanna worship you baby.” 

It was ridiculous how overwhelmed his words were leaving you, all desperate and squirming. As his fingers met the soaked expanse of your cunt you couldn’t hold back the throaty moan it elicited. 

A pornographic sigh followed close behind, one that made Calum want to pinch himself to ensure he wasn’t in the midst of a haunting dream. 

“Soaked f’me darling.” he mused, running his fingers up and down your folds to completely coat you in your arousal. You whimpered at the feeling, bucking your hips up desperate for friction. 

Tutting while shaking his head, he used one hand on your lower stomach to press you back down to the couch. 

“Stay still for me won’t you, love?” he cooed, continuing to run his fingers over your core lightly. 

When you bobbed your head up and down in agreement he lifted your leg to his mouth, pressing a kiss to your calf. 

“Hm, good girl.” he praised, softly laying your leg back down. 

Calum hovered above you, dipping his head down every so often to peck at your chest, his fingers still unrelenting. The knot in your lower stomach tightened every second that passed and you felt like you could scream at any second, yearning to be full. 

Calum felt like he could burst any minute himself but was determined to make this experience the best of your life. He wanted to give you something to remember, a reason to want more. 

Your soft moans and frustrated grunts alerted him to your neediness and he was just about ready to give in for the both of you. 

“What do you need from me, baby?” he said against your shoulder before peppering kisses across your collar bones. 

You could only respond with an airy moan when his fingers found your clit. 

“Hm? My fingers?” You shook your head aggressively. He knew exactly what you wanted, the tease. 

“No? Want my mouth?” he teased further, leaving an opened mouth kiss in between your tits. 

“Cal,” you sighed. “Fuck me, please.”

He groaned at your words, nipping lightly at the skin before ridding himself of his pants. 

“You’re a fucking dream, y’know that?” he praised, desperately searching for a condom in his pants. When he finally located one he held it up to you as if it were a prized possession, smiling proudly at his own preparedness. 

He hastily freed himself from the constraints of his boxers and rolled the condom on, never once taking his eyes off of the blissful expression on your face. 

“Ready?” he questioned, his tip lightly pressing at your entrance. You nodded and sucked in a breath, bracing yourself for the stretch, your eyes falling closed in the process. 

When a few seconds went by and nothing happened you opened your eyes to find Calum staring down at you in awe. 

“Cal,” you whined. “what’re you doing?” 

Your words seemed to break him from his trance, he shook his head and muttered an apology to you. 

“Sorry, fuck you’re pretty. You’ve got no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.” 

“Then stop waiti-” your words were cut off by a sharp hiss that couldn’t have been prevented as his length finally pressed into you. 

“Fuck.” Calum groaned his head falling back. You felt too good around him, seriously he was fucked, completely ruined for you. 

You felt the exact same as your silky moans filled the room. You had never been filled this good and you questioned how you had gone so long without this. 

“M-move” you sighed, clenching around him. 

You could hear his breath catch at the feeling and he grunted out a strained, “Need a minute.” 

He held himself in place for a few more seconds until his breaths began to even out once again before pulling nearly all the way out and slamming back in. 

You yelped, pulling your lip between your teeth in hopes to drown the sound. 

He continued slamming into you at an unrelenting pace, taking notice of each time your eyes would roll back when he brushed against your g-spot. He could write a book about how good you looked all fucked for him. 

As his thrusts grew closer together you could feel your release creeping up on you.  

“Cal, need’ta cum.” you stuttered out. 

His hands tightened around your hips, pulling you even closer to him as his head poked at that spot again. 

“Go on baby, let go.” he encouraged, willing himself to hold out a little longer as your walls fluttered around him. 

Once you had came it only took him about three more thrusts before he was painting the condom with his release, groaning your name as his hand searched for yours to intertwine them as he came down from his own high. 

  His body flopped next to yours on the couch, both of you struggling to fit next to each other in such a small space, not that either of you minded the close quarters. 

Your fingers remained laced together as you caught your breath, Calum peppering kisses to your shoulder and mumbling praises into your skin. 

“You’re an angel. God, I just- I love you.” he said, causing your head to snap in his direction. 

He looked like a deer in headlights when you asked for him to repeat himself. 

“I love you?” he obliged.

“Is it a question?” 

“No, I’m just not used to saying it.” he admitted, vulnerability clear in his eyes. 

You wanted to kiss away the worried crease in his forehead but instead pressed your lips to his, pulling apart a fraction of an inch to speak after a few seconds.

“I love you too.” you ensured. 

Calum eyes widened, not expecting you to say it back, at least not so soon. He had so much he wanted to say to you but figured all of it could be summed up by another kiss to your soft lips. So he closed the distance once again, using a bit more force this time in hopes it would convey the strength of his feelings for you.

[lxngbottom]

Cramps. | N.L. (+ D.T & S.F.)

in which the reader is having a really bad period, so her three best friends come and check up on her.

warnings: pain, periods, bleeding, swearing, we know how it is.

i’m on my period rn, & these three boys are my fav characters so this is mostly to comfort me (and idk if you guys can even relate, but my periods get THIS bad) (edit: this was NOT supposed to be this long but oh well i love these three)

gryffindor reader! (but anyone can read obv)

—

somehow, you had managed to make it through the previous school day. but, the whole time your stomach felt like it was completely turning on you, and with every step you took, the bleeding was so heavy. you couldn’t even remember the last time you went through so many pads and tampons in one day.

on top of that, you were an absolute emotional wreck. and, that became apparent to neville when seamus laughed over tripping over your shoe lace, and you looked up at your three best friends with tears in your eyes.

“merlin, y/n! i was only messing with you! what’s wrong?” seamus furrowed his eyebrows at you, only for you to bend down and groan in pain as you attempted to tie your loose shoe laces.

“i can’t do it!” you whined, a tear finally escaping your tired eyes. you stood up, and sniffled, not noticing the genuine concerned looks plastered across the three boys’s faces.

and then, if things couldn’t get any worse, you felt someone tap your shoulder. you turned around to meet a terrified looking ron and harry, staring down at your legs,

“y-y-y/n... blood! t-t-there’s blood running down your legs!”

you looked down, and sure enough, there was a bunch of it. you automatically began to cry, and the sobbing only got worse as you realized that this was happening in front of not one, not two, but five boys.

“nev—neville... p-please give me your jacket...” you choked out, rushing as the blood seeped between your thighs. he did so quickly, tossing it to you, and your tied it around your waist before running into the nearest bathroom.

“why would you point that out?” dean asked ron, eyeing him,

“what?! would it be better for her to stay like that the rest of the day?” the ginger snapped back, still not putting two and two together. ron wasn’t exactly wrong, but his execution was awful.

the boys sighed, deciding that maybe waiting outside the bathroom would do you some good. but, unfortunately, as 15 minutes passed, you never came out.

“m-m-maybe someone should go and get hermione. or lavendar. or one of the parvati twins?” neville suggested, scratching the back of his neck. seamus shrugged, honestly clueless on how to handle the whole situation.

luckily, a saving grace skipped by, grabbing the attention of all of the boys,

“ginny!” ron called out, and she stopped in her tracks, “thank merlin you’re here!”

the look on her face was questionable as harry, ron, neville, dean, and seamus all stared at her.

“w-what?”

dean spoke up first, more than concerned, “y/n went in there. she—she had—blood running down her legs. and, she started crying...”

that’s all it took for ginny to nod her head, “okay. you guys go ahead. i’ll take care of her!”

they did so reluctantly, more so your three best friends. as ron and harry wanted to be away from the whole scenario as soon as possible.

and, that was the last they heard from you yesterday. today, they waited for you to come down from the girl’s dorm, but you never came.

they waited for you in the great hall, but again, you never came.

little did they know, you were curled up in a ball on your bed, sobbing from the excruciating pain that filled your whole body. this cycle was hitting you like a truck, and you’d wished that somehow you had been more prepared for it.

hermione had left you reluctantly that morning, never seeing a fellow girl having such a bad period before. you had cried all night, and you and her both had barely gotten any sleep. so that’s why when neville saw hermione drifting off to sleep during a shared class, he was absolutely baffled.

as that same class ended, the three boys caught up with hermione,

“hey, granger! where’s y/n?” seamus asked, and she rubbed her eyes.

“she—um—“ a yawn interrupted her response, “she’s in our dorm. she doesn’t feel well.”

neville’s mouth went agape, and he finally put two and two together.

“i wouldn’t go and see her, though. you guys embarrassed her yesterday. she told me all about ronald, and ginny, and seamus. she’s really upset, and... she’s just in a lot of pain. so, just let her be for a while.”

and with that, she left the three boys. they gave each other weird looks, mentally questioning each other.

you on the other hand at this time, were crying as you changed out your bed sheets for the second time that day. it wasn’t necessarily the most comfortable experience to have to explain to a house elf why you needed a bunch of new clean sheets.

dinner soon came, and even then, the boys expected to see you sitting with them, eating and laughing. but, you still hadn’t left that dorm.

so, neville packed some extra food, and the three made a journey to gryffindor tower, just to see if they could break the rules to make sure you weren’t dying. (of course, all three of them were convinced that you were on your death bed.)

they slipped past the prefect, climbing up the stairs to your dorm.

dean was just about to knock when they all heard your voice,

“stop, hermione! please! i don’t care that i missed my classes! i’ve been puking all day, bled on my bed, almost shit my pants four times, so, i really don’t care about snape and what he said about me! piss off!”

seamus’s lips curled, and the sound he let out could only be described as pure disgust. but, neville nudged him,

“she can’t help it. don’t be like that...” he whispered, still not sure if you were alright with visitors at the moment.

“well, i’m sorry! but, dean, neville, and seamus are all worried about you! they—“

that’s when they heard a blood curdling scream, and it sounded exactly like you. it made them jump,

“I WANT TO KILL MYSELF! FUCK!”

“don’t say that! it’s only for a few days, y/n! i told you i would help you with anything you needed!”

“then you can start by fucking off! go away!”

the boys looked at each other,

“maybe—“

“yeah—“

“later.”

they all mutually agreed, and ran down the stairs before hermione had the chance to see them.

they settled in the common room, deciding to do their homework until they knew it was a safe call to go and see you. they all worried about you tremendously, as they had never heard you talk to a fellow friend like that. you simple weren’t that type of person in their eyes. you had always been patient with people, so it was a wonder to them how you loved them so much.

they spotted ginny, walking up to the girl’s dormitories with a glass of ice cream in hand. they naturally assumed it was for you. and truth be told, when ginny entered with a sweet smile on her face, holding the cold treat, you realized you had never been more happy to see a weasley before.

as pathetic as it sounded, you cried to ginny while eating the chocolate ice cream. you sobbed to her about all the events of that day, and the day before. your crush on neville and how you believed he didn’t feel the same, the way that seamus chewed too loudly, and how hermione was too uptight sometimes. she simply listened, knowing that’s all she could really do.

finally, the three boys saw ginny coming down the the glass now empty, and they ran up to her,

“is she okay?”

“what’s happening?”

“can we go and see her?”

she chuckled and shook her head them, “she’s fine, you guys. calm down. i’m not so sure if she’ll want to see you guys, but you guys can sure try.”

they all three looked at each other, slightly terrified.

but, they sucked it up and made their way up again. of course, seamus couldn’t hold back from making a snide comment,

“i swear, if i get a book thrown at my head and end up in the hospital wing with a concussion, i’m blanking it on neville.”

“why me?!” neville scoffed, throwing his hands up in the air,

“because! you fancy her and are the most worried about her! she’s just on her period! is it really that big of a deal?”

before neville could answer, dean cut in, “yes, seamus. it is a big deal. maybe not to us, but to her it is. try bleeding out of your dick for a week while your inside are ripping apart!”

if you would’ve been present, you definitely wouldn’t hugged dean for that one.

they finally arrived, and they argued for a moment over who would be the once to knock on the door. it felt like they were stepping into a death trap. finally, neville agreed to do it.

he did so gently,

“what?” you asked, “who is it?”

dean and seamus eyed each other, definitely panicking.

“erm—it’s... us...”

you groaned, and looked down at your state. you were only in your bra and underwear, trash bucket in your lap, nausea getting the best of you... again.

but, you figured seeing your three best friends would bring you some comfort. this wasn’t their fault, and you didn’t want to take it out on them anymore.

“um... you can come in, but warning! i’m—“

before you could warn them, the door flew open,

“naked...” you breathed out, looking down at the trash can.

they all went wide eyed, and neville covered dean and seamus’s eyes with his hands, and closed his own.

“close the door, you gits!”

neville did so with his foot, still covering everyone’s eyes. you let out a small chuckle at the fact, and shook your head.

“you guys can look, you know. you act like we haven’t been best friends since first year.”

“b-b-but you’re—naked!” dean responded, through neville still keeping his own hand over the boy’s face.

you pursed your lips as you felt vomit climbing it’s way up your throat, “who—“

that’s when they heard it. the violent sound of puking. neville thanked merlin that his eyes were closed, because he probably would’ve puked too.

“who cares?” you breathed out, wiping the slobber from your chin. that’s when seamus took neville’s hand away from his eyes, and realized how you looked.

you looked unrecognizable almost. you looked exhausted, pale, and like you had just been hit by twenty cars at one time. your eyes were all puffy and red from crying, and your hair was definitely not put together like it usually was. makeup was smeared all down your face, makeup from the day before that you simply didn’t have the motivation to get up and wash off. but, seamus couldn’t help but notice your bra and underwear.

“you—“ he chuckled, “you have teddy bears on your undergarments, y/n?”

you clenched your jaw, and tightened your grasp around the trash can, narrowing your eyes at him. his eyes widened,

“kidding! i was only kidding! they suit you well!”

finally, dean shoved neville’s hand off as well, and neville opened his eyes back up reluctantly. neville and dean took in your state, much less of a laughing matter to them, as they were more of the calm friends.

“merlin, y/n... are you alright?” neville asked, approaching you slowly. you shook your head,

“i’m dying...”

the three boys gasped, and you looked at them funny, “i’m kidding... but i feel like i might...”

that settled their nerves a bit, the theory of you dying slowly fading away. you spit in the trash can, and set it back down on the floor. of course, seamus being the curious cat he is, looked in the trash can.

“don’t look at my vomit, finnigan! don’t you have any manners?”

he jumped back, and nodded his head.

“what are you guys doing here, anyway?” you asked, laying down fully on the bed, stomach and legs exposed.

“well—we know—you—you sorta—“

neville sighed at dean’s awkwardness about the whole situation, “we know you’re on your period. and, we know that you’re in a lot of pain. and, we just wanted to come and check up on you.” he glanced at the other two boys, “right?”

“yeah, definitely!”

“totally!”

you giggled at seamus and dean, “oh, what gentlemen. how could i ever thank you?”

seamus couldn’t hold it in. the comment just slipped from his lips,

“well, seeing you in your bra and underwear is thanks enough in my book!” he joked, nudging dean.

surprisingly, the only one who laughed beside seamus... was you. this surprised the boys, as you were sure that would earn seamus that book to his temple, or at least a smack to the face. but, it didn’t.

“see? i told you guys she’s fine! she’s laughing like she always does!”

neville seemed to look over at you for reassurance, just to make sure that seamus hadn’t crossed a boundary with one of his crude jokes. it was something that seamus had done quite a few times, without even realizing it, but it was simply because he didn’t know how to put a filter on. you knew at the end of the day that seamus wasn’t trying to disrespect you. plus, it was something you had go get used to, being one of his best friends and all.

at one point, the boys had eased into the floor, getting things for you if you needed it. seamus even asked why exactly girls even got periods, and you explained it to him in full detail.

“so... like—the inside of your uterus is actually tearing? i thought dean was joking about that!”

you shook your head, “unfortunately, it’s not a joke, finnigan. it’s very real...”

“well, is it this bad for all girls?”

“no, actually. some girls only bleed for a couple of days, and it’s very light. they can go without cramps, puking... lucky bitches!”

that’s when the boys fell silent, even seamus himself. until he raised an eyebrow,

“is it bad that i’m kinda curious? you know—to see how it feels to... bleed... down—there...”

dean furrowed his eyebrows, but neville nodded his head in agreement.

“well, boys... i can’t make you bleed out your dick for seven days straight... but, i can punch you guys in the stomach with full force and show you how cramps feel!”

collectively, they all disagreed, which caused you to fall into a fit of laughter.

“but—it can’t be that bad, right? i mean, everyone can get a stomach ache...” dean questioned, but unsure of what he had just said.

“let me put it to you like this, thomas. imagine the weasley twins sneaking a muggle laxative into your morning pumpkin juice...” you started, “but that stomach pain for a whole week.”

dean put his head down, finally understanding. no wonder you had talked about almost shitting your pants.

that’s when the door swung open, revealing a surprised hermione,

“y/n! where are your clothes?! boys are in here! and plus, they’re not even supposed to be in here, anyway!” she snapped, immediately storming over to your closet, and pulling out a random shirt, throwing it at you.

“but, it’s too hot! and, any tightness hurts!”

“i don’t care! i couldn’t imagine sitting around with ronald and harry with my—lady parts hanging out!”

you chuckled at her hidden shaming, quite used to it by now. “oh, whatever, granger! it’s the same difference as a bathing suit! lighten up!”

seamus and dean snickered at the look on her face, and the way she stormed out.

“she’s right, y/n. not about—you know, we don’t care... but, just—seamus will be talking about it for the rest of his natural life if you keep your clothes off any longer.” neville stated, standing up and taking his sweater off. he passed it to you, making sure not to touch you in anyway that would make you uncomfortable.

you smiled at the kind gesture. sure, it was a sweater, and you probably should choose the lighter t-shirt that hermione had snagged out for you. but, it was neville’s sweater, so, how could you refuse?

you slipped it on over your head, and pulled your hair through the hole. it was quite comfortable, and you were just the right amount of warm and cool. so, it worked out in the end. “thank you, longbottom. that was sweet.”

his face turned red at the small grin etched upon your face, but he shook it off and sat back down on the floor.

you all began talking again, not even noticing when seamus had gotten bored and ancy, and started snooping in your drawers. but, his eyes went wide at the sight of something in your drawer. he picked it up, and stared at it for a moment.

“uh... y/n...” he started, voice a bit shaky, “what’s this?”

he held it up, and you, dean, and neville all looked over.

“that’s a tampon, finnigan. i use it when i’m on my period so the blood doesn’t leak out.”

he took a beat of silence as he connected the dots, and his eyes seemed to widen even more,

“and... you have to put this where exactly?”