#i’ve been debating shaving my head since i was like five but i also chicken out because i’m a pussy

[pollenallergie]

what if i… bleached my hair?? and bleached my brows?? and bleached my latina ‘stache?? and bleached my hairy ass arms??? and what if i just dipped my entire body in a vat of bleach??? what then???

[whiskery-louis]

Game Night

** Hi everyone here is my first imagine in a while and it is pretty long and there will be a part 2!

Synopsis: Luke and you broke up 6 months ago. Ashton invites you over for game night.

Luke Hemmings x reader

Warnings: None

Please enjoy and let me know what you think!!

*not my photo*

“Come on Y/N you have to come see us! We’re traveling across the country just to see you!” Ashton whined through the phone.

“Well I didn’t ask you too Ash. I can’t risk seeing him-”

“He’s not coming, he’s staying here with her. Hell I don’t even think he knows we left.”

You sighed, “Who exactly is ‘we’?”

“Me and Mikey,” you could hear the smile in his voice. You had always been the closest to him and Michael. Not that you and Calum weren’t close, it was just different.

“What about Cal?” you asked.

“He’s staying back so you know who doesn’t get suspicious about the three of us all leaving for a weekend.”

“I don’t know Ash,” you sighed again. “I have work and stuff. Plus I was supposed to see the twins this weekend, and I wanted to go to Target…” you trailed off as you rattled on with excuses.

“Oh please, you know you miss us just as much as we miss you. It’s been six months Y/N, just come hangout for the night. I promise it’s not gonna be anything big. Just you, me, Mike and Crystal. We’ll just do pizza and play some games. Please Y/N, we’re already at the airport and if you don’t come willingly we got your new address from Lacey.”

You mentally cursed your best friend, she knew you specifically didn’t give any of them your new address for this very reason. You were out of excuses and you could hear Ashton’s smirk through the phone. He had you cornered and he knew it.

“Fine. Text me your Airbnb info and I’ll come over tomorrow when I’m done work. But you better be getting the good pizza, and there better be drinks.”

“Yes she’s in!” you heard Mikey yell in the background. You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the smile that spread over your face.

“Bye boys, safe flight.”

You hung up the phone and put your head in your hands. While part of you was very excited to see Ashton and Michael again there was still a part of you that was worried. There was too much history between you and him so of course they all knew about it. They tried not to take sides during the break up but everyone knew he had Calum and you had the other two. It was part of the reason that you had moved back home instead of trying to find a place to stay in L.A.. You could feel the tension that was building between the four of them and the last thing you wanted to do was ruin their friendships or their band. It was all way more important than you. 

You hadn’t really spoken to any of them much other than the casual ‘how are you’ texts here and there. But from him it had been radio silence for six months. Now here you were, five minute after speaking with Ashton and you were already more stressed than you’d be in week. What did you get yourself into?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was nearing 6:15 and you couldn’t bring yourself to pull up to the house, you had been circling the block for almost 20 minutes and every time you were about to stop you told yourself one more lap. You weren’t sure what was wrong with you, you knew it was only Ash, Mike and Crystal and yet just the thought of being around his friends was enough to make you sick. 

“Fuck it,” you muttered, finally pulling into the drive. You grabbed your bag, and although you hated to admit it, you were excited to see your old friends.

You walked up to the door and hesitantly knocked on it. As soon as your knuckles hit the wood you could hear yelling and footsteps running up to the door.

“Y/N!!!” Ashton yelled engulfing you in a massive hug.

“Can’t breathe…”

“Oi sorry, I’ve just missed you lots.” 

“I missed you too.” you grinned at him, wondering what you had been worried about all day. It felt like no time had passed.

“Well let her in the door man,” Michael spoke up from behind.

You smiled as you entered the house and walked over to Mikey hugging him hard.

“It’s been too long,” he muttered as he let you back.

“Well yeah, that kinda happens when there’s a global pandemic and I move across the county.”

You could tell Michael was going to tell you off for moving but Crystal came in the room then and thankfully saved you from talking about him.

She wrapped her arms around you giving you a quick hug, “It’s so good to see you, I’m glad you made it!”

“Me too, though if I didn’t come willingly I knew you’d show up on my doorstep.”

“You got that right,” she laughed, “It took all my energy to keep them in the house all day.”

“Well I appreciate it, I had a lot of work to get through today figuring I’ll still be hungover on Monday from this weekend.”

It was fitting that as soon as I mentioned being hungover we walked into the kitchen to a full stocked bar.

“Man I forgot you guys really go all out for game nights,” you couldn’t help but laugh at some of the fond memories.

“Okay so what game are we playing first?” Ashton asked as he handed you a drink.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two hours later and you really didn’t understand why you were so nervous to come. It was one of the best feelings catching up with your old friends and thankfully they didn’t bring him up once. You were in the middle of an intense game of charades, Crystal and you were kicking the boys asses.

“Alright do you guys want to give up yet? You’re never going to beat us so why not save yourselves the embarrassment.”

They both looked annoyed at how the game was progressing, “Well maybe if Mike could draw anything other than stick figures we would’ve stood a chance.” Ashton grumbled.

“And now you see why I always make sure someone else gets stuck with him,” Crystal laughed as she dodged the pen Michael threw at her.

You all laughed as you cleaned up and you went over to the stack of games, contemplating what you wanted to play next. You guys had made your way through a few different games and a few rounds of drinks and honestly you were exhausted. Since moving back home you didn’t hang out with many people other than Lacey and you forgot how much energy it took to be around people. You were tired but it was the best kind of tired. 

“Can we just watch a movie now? I’m tired of losing,” MIchael whined from the couch.

“That’s exactly what a sore loser would say,” you shot back.

Michael just smiled and shrugged his shoulders looking at you, “At least I know it, but I so call picking the movie.” He picked up the remote and started searching through Netflix looking for a good comedy that everyone would watch.

“Anyone up for another round?” Ashton asked and you nodded following him into the kitchen to help. It was silent as he rummaged through the alcohol looking for something new to drink. You hopped up on the counter waiting to see what he would make.

“So how have you really been?” he asked, breaking the silence.

You looked up at him, startly by his question and you could see him looking at you intently and knew exactly what he was talking about, or more so who he was talking about.

You chewed on your bottom lip as you contemplated what to tell him. “I’ve been fine.” you answered shortly.

He scoffed at your answer, “Come on Y/N, I know you better than that and as relaxed as you seem, there is still a part of you that is on edge. You ghosted us all when you left and it was like we lost a member of our family. So tell me the truth, how are you really?”

His answer startled you, and you blinked to keep the tears at bay. “Ash I really don’t wanna ruin the night and talk about him. Can we just table it for now and go back in there with Mike and Crystal. I really don't wanna bring the mood down.” You stared back at him and there must’ve been something in your eyes because he dropped it. He handed you a drink and the two of you went back into the other room. 

“Hey what were you two talking about?” Crystal asked as you sat next to her on the couch, a knowing look in her eye.

You elbowed her subtly, “Debating if Mikey was gonna pick a shitty movie or not,” you laughed.

“Don’t hate until you see it, it’s a good one you all like.” He pointed to the TV and you saw Shrek was on. “Also you could say thank you I ordered a pizza and it should be here in about 30 minutes.”

“Didn’t you just eat a plate of buffalo chicken dip and mac’n’cheese?”

He shrugged, “If it’s a problem Y/N then you can’t have any.” He stuck his tongue out at you.

You held your hands up in defense “No, no. Just asking, I’m for sure eating that pizza.”

“That’s what I thought,” Michael replied smugly.

You just rolled your eyes at him and sat back to begin the movie. Not even 10 minutes later and there was a knock on the door.

“Y/N since you were so judgy you can go answer the door.”

“Fine, fine. Though you suck at telling time Mikey, this was way less than 30 minutes.”

You got up from the couch and made your way to the door excited that the pizza was here much earlier than anticipated. There was another knock on the door as you were opening it. You froze when you saw who was there. 

Luke.

He must not have been expecting you either because he had a dumbfounded look on his face, and his fist was frozen in mid knock.

“Y/N?” he breathed, his eyes boring into yours.

It was silent and you both just stood there and stared at each other. It had been six months since you had seen him and although there were some noticeable changes he was still the same Luke who broke your heart all those months ago. His arms were larger and his shoulders slightly broader. His hair was longer, his roots growing out which somehow suited him more. He had shaved his quarantine beard but the stubble was growing back. His eyes were the same blue that you fell in love with, but they were missing the usual mischievous glint.

“Luke why are you just-” Calum was caught off walking up behind Luke, his face lighting up when he saw you. “Y/N?! What are you doing here? It’s so good to see you!” He squeezed past Luke and pulled you into a tight embrace.

You had no words as you hugged Cal back, you were still in shock at them being here and you couldn’t take your eyes off Luke,

“What the hell is taking so long?” Ashton came around the corner and froze when he saw the new additions to the party. “Oh you guys are early…” he trailed off.

At his statement you felt the rage building in your veins, you pushed Calum off of you turning to Ashton the anger seeping out of you. “I’m sorry what? They’re what Ashton?”

He looked sheepishly at you, “Surprise?” he shrugged his shoulders, with a slight smile on his face.

You couldn’t believe this. It was all a setup. The whole night was a trick for you to see him again when Ashton knew more than anything that it was the last thing you wanted. You were at a loss for words, as much as you wanted to yell, you didn’t have the energy anymore.

“Look we can explain…”

You held your hand up cutting him off, “Don’t Ashton, just don’t. I don’t want to hear it. I’m leaving.”

You stormed into the other room, to get you things. MIchael was trying to look busy but the guilt was written all over his face. Crystal was sitting next to him with her arms crossed glaring at her fiance, she looked up when you walked in.

“I am so sorry Y/N, I had no idea or I would’ve never let them pull this stunt.”

You gave her a weak smile, “I’m just going to get my things and go.”

Michael turned and looked like he was going to say something, but one look from Crystal silenced him.

“Thanks for the fun while it lasted, but please don’t reach out again,” you heard footsteps behind you and knew the others had followed you into the room. “I thought maybe I could be friends with some of you,” you pointedly looked at Luke, “But if this is the shit you are going to pull them I am out. I’m sorry but I cannot go through this again. I just can’t.”

With that you grabbed your bag and all but ran out of the house. As you sat in your car you were thankful that you didn’t have too much to drink and were able to drive yourself home. The thirty minute drive seemed to take forever. All you wanted was your bed and to be distracted by Netflix. After what felt like an eternity you pulled into your driveway and walked into your house. You threw your bag on the table and couldn't believe the night you had. You knew Ashton and Michael had wanted you to talk to Luke when you first broke up, but that was six months ago. You never thought that they would pull this shit tonight. It was almost more painful this time as you realized you had to cut all of them out of your life and not just Luke. 

You hadn’t expected to see him tonight and it really messed you up. You had spent the last six month erasing him from your life, as much as you could. You put everything he gave you into a box that was hidden in your basement. You tried to throw it away but it felt wrong somehow. He was too big a part of your life to completely get rid of. Lacey once asked you why you didn’t get rid of it all and you knew she thought it meant you still loved him but that wasn’t it. You just couldn’t bear to part with everything that had once brought you so much happiness. You hadn’t opened the box since you moved back home, as you went downstairs to bring it to the kitchen, you knew it was going to hurt more after seeing him tonight, but you couldn’t stop yourself.

You spent over an hour looking through all the memories the two of you had made during your time together and you were a mess sitting on the floor with tears rolling down your face. Maybe it was from the exhaustion that raked your body or the alcohol that was still in your system but you left the contents of the box sprawled over the island and slipped on his old Nirvana shirt before going to your bed and finally falling asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next thing you knew you were being jolted awake by a banging on your door. You looked at the clock and groaned when you saw it was only 8:00am. Who the hell would be here so early. Hoping it was just a package you rolled back over and tried to fall back asleep, when the person knocked again.

You signed as you rolled out of bed and trudged downstairs in nothing but the old shirt you fell asleep in. Rubbing your eyes as they adjusted to the brightness, you opened the door and had to squint to see who was there.

“Y/N, you uh forgot your phone and I wanted to make sure it got back to you safely.”

You hated that your heart skipped a beat as your name rolled off his lips, your eyes focused on him and the events of last night came back to you instantly.

“Luke.”

[letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked]

Words On My Skin (Part 10)

Bucky Barnes x Reader Soulmate AU

A/N: Thank you guys for being patient with me LOL I am a really slow writer! I’ve just been really busy, lately! And having technology issues! But I’m really happy with all of your replies! Feedback gives me life and makes me want to keep writing! I love reading your comments!

I made this suuuper long, not only since I’m an asshole who keeps procrastinating… but also because I have no self-control LOL It’s over 5200 words LOL

Warnings: exercise (should be a warning because BLECKH), swearing, barely edited… IDK.

Main Masterlist // WOMS Masterlist

-------------------------------------------

Bucky: I’m sorry. Please talk to me.

Bucky: I know that you talk to me about work stuff, but I miss talking about other things… I’m sorry for pushing you.

Bucky: I just get worried about what happened when we met happening, again. I want you to be able to defend yourself, because I don’t know what I would do if you got hurt… I’m sorry. Please, come see me.

Bucky: What’s wrong? It’s 2am, and I can feel you through the bond… Are you okay?

Bucky: Can I please come see you? Steve said you looked tired, and now I’m worried…

Bucky: I don’t like communicating through FRIDAY. Can we please talk? I miss you.

Bucky: You know, we live a room apart… you can’t avoid me forever… Plus, we kind of work together…

Bucky: DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST DIVE INTO AN EMPTY OFFICE TO AVOID STEVE AND I??

Bucky: Okay. I’ll leave you alone… I’m sorry.

Bucky: I’m going on a mission, today. Be safe while I’m gone, please.

God, you were such an asshole…

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to talk to him. Not at all. You wanted to talk to him so badly, that it felt as if you had someone squeezing your heart like a goddamn stress ball.

Hell, you were a fucking stress ball.

You missed him…

You missed talking to him, from the stupid shit to the deep, dark secrets.

You’d felt like you’d taken two steps forward and about one thousand steps back. The agreement to start opening up to each other was supposed to include shit like whatever happened in the gun range… but, if you were being honest with yourself, you were completely embarrassed. You’d totally had a friggin’ meltdown in front of him, after the stupid gun safety bullshit, but you weren’t even sure why.

You didn’t understand what you’d seen.

Remembered?

You weren’t even sure if it was a memory.

You’d been avoiding Bucky for an entire week, and yes – embarrassingly enough – you’d panicked and jumped into an empty office to have a mental breakdown about how you had no idea what to say to the man.

Handshake your fear.

That was something you’d always told yourself when times were rough, but it seemed that the words were starting to lose meaning… You said them more, as of late, than you ever have since you first heard the stupid phrase. Ever since the shit with HYDRA began.

You didn’t blame Bucky. Hell no. You couldn’t. He was just as much of a victim of HYDRA as you were.

No.

More than you were.

He’d been a victim for decades.

You didn’t blame him for your meltdown, either. He had nothing to apologize for.

You did.

You were the chicken shit that decided that the best way to deal with what happened was to avoid him, making him feel like shit. Which was not your intent. At all. You merely meant to deal with your shit in privacy… not to have him blaming himself for ‘pushing you’.

How was he supposed to know that you were going to go all melt-down on his ass?

You stared at your cellphone, the gut-wrenching feeling of guilt making tears well up in your eyes – blurring the words. You bit your lip, keeping it from doing that embarrassing wobble it did when you were about to cry. You’d wanted to talk to him, reply to his texts, and go back to having lunch together every day. You were sick of stress-cleaning, and stress-working. You just wanted your soulmate back.

You were a goddamn idiot.

“Ms. L/n,” FRIDAY’s voice startled you from your moping, “Captain Rogers is out of his meeting and will meet you in the gym.”

“Thanks, FRIDAY.” You replied, after swallowing the lump in your throat, and clearing it. “Tell him I’ll be right down.”

You turned to your computer, putting it back onto its lock screen, and glanced back at your phone.

You sighed, slowly breathing out and closing your eyes. “Just… Handshake your fear, Y/n.”

You: Please, be safe.

Your finger hovered over the ‘send’ button, debating on if you should send the message, or not.

You wanted to tell him to be safe, in person. If he was going on a mission – you’d also found out it was a freaking solo mission – you didn’t want there to be the possibility of him getting hurt, or worse, and you ignoring him and avoiding him. What if it was the last time you ever saw him? What if-

Stop it, Y/n.

Don’t even fucking think that.

“FRIDAY?” You called out, setting the phone down and gathering your items into your gym bag, “Did Bucky leave for his mission, yet?”

“Sargent Barnes left approximately fourteen minutes and thirty five seconds ago.” The AI replied, sending another pang of guilt in your chest.

Shit…

Well, it wasn’t quite what you wanted – or what Bucky deserved – but you needed to say something.

You deleted the message, starting over.

You: We’ll talk when you get back. I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. Be safe, please. You still owe me at least 3 dates. I’ll even cook you a juicy lucy as an apology for being an emotional basket case this week.

You didn’t even hesitate to hit the ‘send’ button.

Your phone pinged with a reply before you could even leave your office.

Bucky: Deal. I’ll even try eel, if it means I get to see your face. See you when I get back.

You: You’re going to wish you never even mentioned the eel. HAHA!

Bucky: Shit.

You: Language!

Bucky: Stop hanging out with Steve. He’s rubbing off on you.

Bucky: I have to shut my phone off, now… I’ll let you know when I’m on my way back. See you, soon.

You felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You sighed in relief, slipping your phone into your gym bag and shutting the door behind you as you made your way to the part of the building where the training facilities were located. Your fingers brushed along the smooth skin of your inner wrist, thankful that you’d taken a step towards apologizing to Bucky for freaking out on him and ignoring him – like a goddamn teenager.

Speaking of teenagers…

“FRIDAY? Can you send a text message to Peter’s phone and remind him that he needs to come to the facility and sign his mission report? Also, tell him that his aunt’s birthday gift is sitting in my office, and he’s got a test on Tuesday.” You spoke into your watch, ignoring the weird looks you always received from the other workers in the building. They weren’t quite over the fact that the Avengers’ assistant ended up being the soulmate of Bucky Barnes. “Also, remind Tony that it’s almost lunchtime, and I put a container of lunch in the fridge in the lab. He also has a meeting with Secretary Ross at 4pm and remind him not to taunt the U.S. Secretary of State. Add a nice ‘please’ at the end, too.”

“Right away, Ms. L/n.” Friday responded through your watch’s speaker.

“Man, you’re bossy.” You hear from behind you, snarky tone making you roll your eyes. “Thank god you’re not my assistant.”

You turned to Caleb, a smirk lifting your lips as you shook your head. “Do tour guides get assistants?”

His hand flew to his chest in mock hurt, dark brows pulling together and mouth agape, “You wound me, L/n. I’ll have you know that I am an actual agent, thank you very much. I’m in the security department… just… manning the front desk. I just needed a job with stable hours, after Claire moved in.”

Caleb was a saint. After the death of his sister and brother-in-law, he took it upon himself to gain custody of his niece, take a desk job, and raise Claire as his own. She was two at the time of the accident that took the life of her parents. She’d been with Caleb ever since.

Five years later, and she was Caleb’s little princess.

“How did your date with Leah go?” You asked, as he followed you towards the training facilities, hands in his pockets.

“Not good.” He sighed, head falling back in annoyance as his footsteps became heavier. “She talked about her ex the whole time. Then, even though I was going to pay for the date since I was the one who asked her to come out with me, she told me she didn’t even bring her wallet. You know why? Because she was expecting me to pay.” He scoffed, trudging along after you as you passed by the regular training room – towards the Avengers’ private training area. “Like… I know I was paying anyways, but how rude.”

“I told you she was a bad seed.” You snorted, scanning your badge to gain access to the facility. “Anyways, I promised Cap that I’d be his work-out buddy, today. He probably wants to go on a run.”

“How the hell are you going to manage that? You hate cardio.”

“I know.” You grimaced, leaning against the opened door. “Anyways, tell Claire I loved the picture she drew me, and it’s up on my wall. Her and I need some girl-talk, soon, so bring her by sometime. Her and I can make glitter slime, again.”

“Please get her to like something other than that slime crap.” He groaned, turning on his heel and heading down the hall. “My kitchen table has glue, shaving cream, little glitter piles, and dawn dish soap all over it. I have more contact solution than I know what to do with. I don’t even wear contacts.”

“Not my fault you can’t say no to her!” You call back with a chuckle, watching as he stuck up his middle finger, before rounding the corner. Your chuckle turned into a loud yelp when you turned around, Steve standing right in front of you with his arms crossed. “Holy shit fuck, Steve. Do I need a little bell for you, too? I seriously bought one for Bucky.”

“Who was that?” Steve asked with a frown, eyebrows pulled together as he stared in the direction that Caleb had gone. “You’re late.”

“That’s my friend, Caleb. He works the security desk.” You raise an eyebrow, scooting by so you could set your bag on the bench and stretch on the mats. You could see Natasha doing a one-on-one training with one of the female agents, teaching her how to use her small stature as an advantage to beat her opponent – who just so happened to be Clint. “Anyways, I’m only five minutes late. I was… texting Bucky.”

His face lit up at the mention of you talking to Bucky, grin stretching across his features. “You mean you’re finally done ignoring him?”

Well fuck, Cap.

You paused, a small lump forming in your stomach. Maybe it was a bad idea, agreeing to work out with Bucky’s best friend when you were being an asshole to him all week. “I wasn’t… ignoring him… I was avoiding him.”

“Why?” Steve frowned, sitting down on the mat across from you, helping you with your stretching. “Straighten your back.”

You followed his advice, trying to loosen up your muscles before they got overworked, and straightening your back. “I was embarrassed.”

“About what?”

“Boy, aren’t you full of a lot of questions, today?” You raise an eyebrow, lump moving from your throat to a knot in your stomach. “Anyways, didn’t Bucky already tell you?”

“Nope.” He shook his head, blonde hair flopping into his eyes. He needed a haircut, as well. You should schedule him one. “He said that it was your business, but he felt bad because he pushed you, or something. I don’t know. He wasn’t very specific.” He pushed your legs together, pushing down gently on your tops of your feet then pushing back up. “All I know is he’s been moping all week, and he didn’t want to say anything about what happened in the gun range.” He motioned for you to lean forward, “Touch your toes.”

You leaned forward, legs flush with the floor and leaning forward to grasp the tips of your shoes – feeling the pull through your hamstrings, “I… didn’t mean to make him think I was ignoring him.” You sighed, but it came out more as a huff as you leaned as far forward as you could. “I was embarrassed about how I reacted, and didn’t know what to say… I’ve never… I’ve never had anyone care so much, before.”

“He does.” Steve heaved himself up, holding out his hands to help you off the ground. “Care, I mean.”

“I know.” You crossed your arms over your chest, watching as he stretched his arms behind his head. “I’m an asshole.”

“No, you’re not.” He snorted, leading you over to the weights, handing you the ten pound weights as he grabbed obnoxiously large weights on the other end of the rack. “Strength first, then cardio.”

“Why cardio? Are you punishing me?” You whined, copying his form as you started reps – careful of your shoulder injury. “It’s because I’m an asshole, isn’t it?”

“You’re not an… can you stop calling yourself that?” He huffed, barely breaking a sweat with his annoyingly large weights. “Cardio is good for you. Not only that, but if there’s ever an emergency… you need to run. Fast.”

You bit your lip, staying silent for a few reps. He had a point. Who would’ve thought that being the soulmate of a former assassin turned Avenger would be so freaking dangerous, right? Duh, you idiot. There is literally no job more dangerous than theirs. They had more enemies than you could’ve ever imagined. Also, being their freaking assistant? Have you lost your damn mind? Of course, it’s dangerous, they literally told you from the beginning that there was a chance that your life would be in danger. You should probably get over… whatever the fuck there was to get over… and learn how to properly shoot a... gun.

“Do you-” You paused, gulping down the lump caught in your throat and steadying your breathing, “- Do you think that… Something bad will happen to me? Do you think… Is HYDRA still gunning for my death or capture?”

He stopped his reps, sitting down on the bench and lowering his weights onto the floor. “What’s this about?”

“Well…” You set your little weights onto the bench, arms starting to burn from your reps, “Bucky wants me to learn how to shoot a gun. I’m not allowed out of the confines of the compound without security, and you’re training me to defend myself.” You sat down on the mat, thankful that you hadn’t completely started sweating, yet. “It just seems like… there’s more to the story than what I’m being told.”

“There is.”

You jumped at the voice coming from behind you, as Natasha walked over to grab her water bottle that was sitting on the bench a few feet away.

“Natasha-”

“No, Steve.” You cut him off, a frown forming on your face. “I want to know what she’s talking about.”

“She deserves to know, Steve.” Natasha took a long pull from her water, sweat dripping down the smooth skin of her chest. God, why couldn’t you be blessed with beauty like hers? “It’s her safety.”

You raised an eyebrow, a surge of annoyance running through your veins as your jaw tightened. “Steve?”

“Okay…” He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment and leaning his head back on the wall, muttering that Bucky was going to kill him.

“Bucky knows?” You growled, springing up from your spot on the floor and crossing your arms over your chest in anger, shoulders tensing. “What the hell is happening? What’s so bad that it has Bucky flipping out over my safety and all of you apparently not being allowed to tell me?”

“HYDRA had some… files on you.” Steve looked up, light eyes meeting yours. His lips were pursed in frustration. Probably frustrated that he was the one who had to tell you, and not Bucky. Join the fucking club, bub. “They were pretty thorough.”

“What do you mean thorough?” You snapped, nails digging into the skin of your palms as you fought to keep your cool. “How much shit do they know about me?”

“Well… I didn’t see all the files.” Steve hesitated, leaning his elbows on his knees and scratching at the stubble that was forming along his jaw. “We didn’t want to invade your privacy.”

“How. Much.” You repeated, a small pang of pain in your chest, every time your heart took a beat. You felt like you kept getting stabbed in the chest with a long toothpick, over and over. “How much shit do they have on me?”

“Too much.” Natasha replied for him, leaning against the wall while watching the exchange between the two of you. “They have too much information on you.”

“Were you able to get the files and delete them off the servers?” You pinched the bridge of your nose, pain radiating from your chest to your stomach. If you weren’t careful, you were going to give yourself a goddamn ulcer from stress. “How many people do you think had access to my information?”

“We can’t be sure. We deleted what they had at the base, but… we don’t know if there are any physical copies or who’s seen the files.” Steve answered, standing back up from his spot on the bench. “How about we talk about this when Bucky gets back?”

“How long has Bucky known?” You glared at the two of them, voice cracking at the end of your question.

“I think… no matter what my answer is gets him in trouble.” Steve bit his lip, moving to put the unused weights back in their spot on the rack. “How about we just move straight to cardio? We can do strength later.”

“You guys can’t keep shit like this from me, Steve!” You ignored his awful suggestion of cardio, feeling like you could cry from frustration. “Not only am I Bucky’s soulmate, but I’m your fucking assistant! I leave the compound to run errands, I fill out your paperwork, I go to your meetings when you’re gone, and I have family and friends outside from the compound! I can’t just be kept in the dark about this shit! What if they sneak up on me when I’m running an errand? What if they go after my parents? What if they go after Farida or her husband? Or her baby? What if they-”

“Okay, Y/n, stop.” Natasha glared at you from her spot against the wall, tone demanding. Her usual coldness far icier than usual, making you stop and take a breath. “First of all, you knew what you signed up for when you took this job. An assistant job for the Avengers? You knew the risks of getting involved with us. And need I remind you that you’re yelling at your boss?”

Technically, Pepper Potts was your boss.

“Natasha-” Steve tried to intervene, seeing the situation start to escalate further as Natasha took a step towards you.

“Second of all-” She continued, also ignoring Steve, “- We’re taking preventative measures so that you can protect yourself. What happens on a mission is technically none of your goddamn business, so this little temper tantrum you’re having is pointless. Bucky didn’t want to worry you, so he didn’t want us to tell you. Too bad. Take it up with your goddamn soulmate and stop whining about it to us.”

“What the hell is your problem, Natasha?” You shook your head, ignoring how close she was to you. Trying to intimidate you.

“Y/n-” Steve shook his head, but Natasha didn’t let him finish.

“Your little helpless girl act is my problem!” She growled, taking another step towards you and starting to invade your personal space. Helpless girl act? Is she for real? “I don’t trust it. She finds out after a few hours of knowing us that she’s Bucky’s soulmate, and suddenly she’s being attacked in the same day? She gets drugged at a bar, and no one – not even trained agents – saw anything? HYDRA suddenly has all these files on her three weeks after we meet her? I don’t trust it.”

“Natasha-” Steve tried again, but you cut him off.

“You mean to tell me that you’ve all fucking known about these files for months?” You shouted incredulously, taking a step forward and throwing your hands up in frustration. “What the hell!”

“Back the fuck up, L/n.” Natasha hissed, raising an eyebrow, “I’ll only say it once.”

“LADIES!” Steve yelled, pushing himself in the middle of where you stood toe to toe with her, making you both take a step back. “Knock it off. Now.” He turned to Natasha, jaw tight with anger, “Go take a walk, Nat. Now.”

She huffed, rolling her eyes as she swiped her water bottle off the bench and stormed off, red hair swinging behind her.

Steve turned to you, shaking his head and crossing his arms. “What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know.” You sighed, shoulders sagging in defeat. That was completely out of line. “I just… got mad. I don’t understand what I have to do to get her to trust me.”

“Well, channel your anger into something else.” His tense posture loosened up, a little, as he calmed down. “As for Nat… She’ll come around. She doesn’t trust easily. She’s always been that way.”

“I hope you’re right.” You followed him towards the treadmills. “Also, I’m not going to let this go. You guys seriously can’t keep things like this from me. I’m not saying this as your assistant or colleague. I’m saying this as Bucky’s soulmate. I don’t need surprises.” You leaned against the treadmill, dreading cardio. At least your anger was starting to dissipate a little. She just freaked out on you because she doesn’t trust you. You would just have to prove your trust to her. “If I am going to be dealing with HYDRA and your enemies the rest of my life, I need to know what I’m getting myself into. It’s different as an assistant. It’s not as… personal.”

“I understand.” Steve replied, letting out a long sigh as he ran his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry we kept it from you. Don’t be mad at Bucky… he was concerned that it would upset you. He didn’t want to scare you.”

“I’m already scared.” You shook your head, hopping up on the machine and starting it at a normal-paced walk. Your nightmares hadn’t let up. They were worse, now, because your father’s bloody face had replaced the monster. You’d never felt scared of your father, before, and suddenly he was in your nightmares. “That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t know.”

“You’re right.” Steve started his machine at a brisk walk, warming up for his usual sprinting. “Also, if it makes you feel any better… I trust you…” He sped the machine up a little more, gesturing for you to do the same. “Not just as my assistant, but as the soulmate of my best friend.”

It did.

It made you feel a little better.

“Thanks, Steve.”

Fuck this cardio, you wanted Chipotle.

-----------------------------------

“Ms. L/n,” FRIDAY interrupted your dinner with Wanda in the kitchen, making the both of you jump. “Sargent Barnes is due to arrive in approximately five minutes.”

You lit up, feeling like you could breathe again, knowing that Bucky was coming back and was – hopefully – unharmed. “Thanks, FRIDAY. Any injuries?”

“None that require medical attention.”

You breathed out a long sigh, thankful that he was okay and glancing over to Wanda, “To be continued? I want to hear about your time with Vision.”

“To be continued.” She chuckled, sliding your plate over to her side of the table and digging in to your chicken, “Go see your man. You should finally kiss him. I’ll be disappointed if you don’t. It would be totally romantic. Some make-up romance.”

“Shut up.” You groaned at her, jumping out of your chair and thankful that you were not still in your work attire and heels. You’d been forced to take a shower, due to Tony accidentally spilling motor oil all down the front of you while you helped him with a project. “We’ll talk later.”

“Kiss him!” She yelled after you, as you took off in the direction of the staircase. “DO IT!”

You tried not to run, not wanting to make any of the agents believe that there was any danger, but you walked so briskly that some of the agents stared at you, anyways. That, and they always stared at you. You were Bucky’s soulmate, after all.

Ignoring them, you felt excitement bubbling up in your chest, not sure if it was yours, Bucky’s, or a combination of the two of you. Either way, you just wanted to see his face.

It had been a whole thirty hours since he’d left for his solo mission, and over seven days since you’d talked to him in person. You missed him. You just wanted to hug his stupid ass and steal him away from the team for the rest of the month… sadly, he’d have to go to debrief with Steve and Fury.

“Where’s the fire?” Tony joked as you jogged by him and Pepper standing in the hallway.

“Leave her alone, Bucky’s back from Puebla, today.” You heard Pepper scold, before rounding the corner.

Puebla? As in Mexico?

The hell was he doing in Mexico?

You yanked open the door leading to the landing pad, realizing that the jet was already landed and parked.

When you spotted him, your heart leapt, freezing you on the spot.

Bucky was standing there, talking to one of the mechanics, arm gleaming in the setting sun. Even though it was fairly brisk in the fall weather, he had removed the top half of his suit, standing there in a tight undershirt and his tactical pants.

As if he sensed your presence, his head turned, and his eyes went straight to your frozen form – which was shivering with your damp hair, tee shirt, and leggings. His face lit up into a large grin, and he gave you a small wave as he finished what he was saying to the mechanic.

He shook the woman’s hand, turning away from her and jogging over to where you were currently gawking. His face was streaked with dirt, little tendrils of hair falling into his face but promptly being pushed away by his dark, vibranium hand. “Hi.”

“Hi.” You replied, unable to keep your lips from lifting into a large grin. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

You couldn’t help yourself, as you rushed at him. You jumped up, throwing your arms around his neck as he caught you with a small laugh, and you buried your face into his neck. The stubble that had grown in the last week scratched against your cheek, as you breathed in his smell. A rush of relief shot through your veins, the skin of your tattoo tingling, as you tightened your arms around him. “I’m sorry.”

His arms, which had wrapped around your middle to hold you up, tightened as his cheek pressed against the side of your head. “I’m sorry, too.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” You replied into his neck, voice muffled as tears welled up in your eyes. Why the fuck were you crying? “I’m an asshole.”

“No, you’re not.” He murmured, setting you down far enough so your feet touched the ground, but not letting go of you. “I’m an asshole for pushing you, even though you said you didn’t want to shoot guns. I never should’ve pushed.”

“Neither of us knew that I would freak out like that.” You sighed, never wanting to leave the cocoon of warmth that was surrounding you from his body. He was like your own personal heater in the brisk, fall weather. “I shouldn’t have ignored you. I was embarrassed about how I freaked out. I’m not good at talking about my own feelings… I didn’t know what to say, and I should’ve just talked to you. We agreed to talk about deep stuff, more. I’m sorry.”

He pulled back a little, after hearing the crack in your voice and realizing that there were tears wetting the collar of his shirt. “Hey, why are you crying, darlin’?”

You chuckled, leaving your arms around his neck as he gently wiped away your tears with his thumbs, the contrast of his warm flesh and cool vibranium leaving goosebumps on your arms – a shiver running down your spine. “Honestly? I don’t know. I never cry this much. You’re ruining me.”

“Crybaby.” He teased, pulling you back into his chest and pressing his face against the crown of your head. “Steve told me about the fight with Natasha… are you okay?”

You nodded, sagging a little in his embrace. “She… has her reasons for not trusting me. I get it. I feel bad about arguing with her.”

“Steve said she was being a bitch.” He snorted, vibranium hand running along the top of your back. “I should’ve told you about the files. I just… didn’t want to worry you. I could already tell that… the nightmares…”

“I forgive you. Just keep me informed, from now on, okay?” You shifted, leaning back so you could examine his face. “So… Puebla?”

“It was a useless trip. The lead was a dead end.” He sighed, hands shifting so they were holding your waist. He gave you a small smile, eyes crinkling in the corners in that cute way that they always did when he smiled. Even though his skin was covered in dirt and sweat, you had the urge to kiss him all over the face about a million times… but you weren’t quite in that part of your relationship, yet. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” You giggled, feeling giddy that you were finally in his arms, again.

“Like the sun shines outta’ my ass.”

You shook your head with a snort, rolling your eyes at him. “That was… colorful.”

“What can I say? I’m a real charmer.” He laughed, leaning forward so his forehead was pressed against yours. Your eyes slipped closed, as you felt the warmth of his breath against your face. “I really missed you, though. I… kinda’ felt empty all week. Like I was missing a piece of me.”

“Me, too.”

“I kind of can’t live without you, so please don’t go anywhere, okay?” He admitted, hands gliding down to the curve of your hips, making your breath hitch.

“I… can’t live without you, either.” You smiled, eyes still closed you felt the tip of his nose just barely brush against yours, and your breathing increased in speed, “I’m… happy you’re my soulmate.”

“I-”

“Ms. L/n,” FRIDAY interrupted him from your watch, making you jump back a little. “There seems to be a situation at the front entrance, and Mr. Stark requests your presence.”

“What the hell?” You frowned, letting Bucky go with a small huff of irritation. “FRIDAY, what’s going on at the front gate?”

“A woman claiming to be your mother has requested access through the checkpoint,” FRIDAY explained, “She refuses to leave until she sees you.”

“My mother?” Your body tensed, a feeling of dead leaving a pit in your stomach and making Bucky frown in confusion, “She’s… She’s here?”

Oh, shit…

Part 11

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If I missed you, before, I’m sorry! I have an awful organizational system for tags and I’m working on getting better! -Kristin

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Keep Them Around

A/N: I just realized that I haven’t been putting a summery on these and that’s probably part of the reason that no one is looking at them, so uh, sorry about that! This is the fourth part of the Learn To Be prequel series I’m posting. It is from Jason’s perspective this time around (boo’s all around) and goes back even further in time than the last one. There is one thing about this that could seem problematic and I’ve debated whether to keep it but I’ve decided that in the grand story it isn’t really that bad. A heads up though in case you want to avoid it is one of the antagonists of the story has a mental illness. In Learn to Be most of the main characters also suffer from one mental illness or another so when I write it I don’t see it as vilifying mental illness and it is not my intent but I can see how someone after reading this can jump to that conclusion since only two of the main characters are actually shown in the prequel. If anyone has any tips to I’d love to hear them!

Summery: Jason reminisces on he and Heather got together.

Word Count: 2265

TW: domestic violence, unhealthy relationship, domestic abuse, child abuse, child neglect, sexism

Jason sat at the dining table eating dinner with his wife and two kids. His wife had made grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn for them all. She sat to his right, her blonde hair loose around her shoulders, leaning forward as she took a bite of potatoes off of her fork. To his left his nine year old son Jesse sat with wavy black hair, whose color matched his own, and a button up shirt. He was still cutting up his chicken into small squares. Across from Jason his daughter Jester sat chewing what must have been a piece of chicken and staring at her plate. Unlike anyone else at the table she had dyed her hair making it two colors, purple at the top which then faded to green on the bottom. No one had spoken a word this meal, all the others too wary after his bad mood this morning. Silence didn’t bother Jason though, so he didn’t speak either. Instead the moment was a perfect opportunity to reflect.

He had married his wife fourteen years ago. Back then she was just another college student he saw around campus. She was pretty though, with golden locks that went just past her shoulders and blue eyes that were oceans of their own. Jason knew he wanted to be married when he ran for a council position, since having a loving wife speak on your behalf helped gain people's trust. Yet, no one had caught his attention. Many women found him intimidating (another thing that having a wife would certainly help with) so he wasn’t often approached, except by the occasional prostitute. He didn’t take them up on their offers despite his body’s yearning, since no matter how much he paid them off there was still the chance they’d rat him out to get their five minutes of fame. But, this blond stayed in his sights for awhile. He started to notice that he was seeing her more often, until finally she approached him in a career math class.

“Would you like to be my partner for this assignment?” She stood next to where he sat, close enough that he’d barely have to move and his shoulder would hit her knee. She wore a plaid black and red knitted skirt that went to her mid-thigh. Her legs had been freshly shaved making them shine in the classroom lights. He took his time looking up to her face. She wore a plain white thin long sleeved sweater that fit snugly around her body showing off her flat stomach and heavy chest. Her face held a bright smile and red cheeks

“Alright,” he answered, she had managed to pique his curiosity. Her smile grew and she plopped down in the seat next to him causing her chest to bounce. He wondered if she was wearing a bra.

“It’s Jason right? I’m Heather.” She introduced herself and then they worked on the assignment. They exchanged phone numbers and emails and even after they finished and presented the assignment they stayed in contact. She sat next to him in class and started trying to catch lunch with him whenever possible. He learned a lot about her during those meetups. She studied medicine and business in the goal of being chief of medicine someday. Not only were her looks above average but her intelligence as well. Often he was annoyed when people texted him constantly but he didn’t mind as much with Heather. He took those feelings into account and decided that she would be his wife. Of course he didn’t say that right away, he did research on the best way to begin a relationship with someone and asked her out to dinner. He had many ideas on how to convince her to, as the internet put it “give him a chance”, but as it turned out she was more than eager to agree. Apparently it had been quite obvious to some of his other college mates he spoke to that she had been waiting for him to ask her out. It had made things go considerably smoother.

Heather had the special talent to make Jason feel good about actions he normally considered a bother. He liked buying her gifts, imagining her smile when she saw them. Remembering important dates for her didn’t feel like a chore. When they had their first time together it made the pleasure his hand provided feel like nothing. Never before had he imagined he’d do things just to please another but it just felt natural with her. Her happiness gave him immense satisfaction.

They were married before she finished her schooling, and she was ecstatic about helping him get onto the council. When they promised themselves to each other it wasn’t standard vows. There was no leaving this relationship except for death. No outside force would separate them, their relationship was above laws and morals. The only important lives were their own. Heather had not only agreed to these vows, but helped create them as well. She was just what he had dreamed of for a woman. There were plenty of times she got on his nerves, pushed him past his limit causing him to lash out, but she didn’t leave. Likewise she had broken too, gone as far to pull a gun on him during an argument. Their vows were unbreakable though, and they worked past that.

Eventually, after Heather was out of college and working at a major hospital, Jason noticed her mood swings were getting worse. It didn’t take much to set her off, be it her screaming at him for not rinsing his plate off thoroughly enough or sobbing because he told her dogs weren’t his favorite animal. Something was wrong. With her emotions completely off the handle Jason’s own were becoming more difficult to keep controlled, it felt like there were rats trapped inside him clawing at their cage instead of simply living inside. Yet, the more he lost control the worse she became, arguments devolved into physical violence on both sides for once. If he didn’t stop this it would ruin everything. Someone might call the police, or worse, Heather would break down in public. So, he sat her down and listed all of her symptoms at her without mentioning that the subject showing these symptoms were in fact herself. Heather wasn’t an expert on psychology but she knew more than him. She said the subject should see a professional and get tested for bipolar disorder. He brought a professional over the next day and made her talk to him. After a few months of experimentation Heather’s mood seemed stabilized, as long as she actually took her pills.

Jason’s eyes landed on his son Jesse, his nostalgia about his wife reminding him how this boy came to be. After the successful campaign and Jason was on the council life calmed as he waited and plotted on how to gain control of the council. While Jason was content with this lull Heather wanted more. Jason had longer work days and more trips keeping him from home. Heather moaned about how lonely she was. When they went shopping together she lingered by the toy sections. At restaurants Jason had to remind her not to stare at the families at other tables. She wasn’t subtle about what she wanted. Jason liked the idea of children, but only the idea. Good children would help him reach his goals, with more voices on his side and another plus to his character to the public. However good children weren’t a guarantee. A single child could ruin everything. Genes were unpredictable sometimes, mutations happened. If they had a child that turned out to be terrible they couldn’t just get rid of it the standard way.

Jason told all of this to Heather, but she remained fixated on the idea. The sighing wouldn’t stop, meals were being ordered instead of cooked, cartoons played on the television, and she never wanted to have any kind of sex. However the worst was the times he woke up to hear little sniffles next to him. He could feel her body’s suppressed shakes against him. When he tried to talk to her she’d tell him in a croaked voice that she was okay and tell him to go back to sleep. He wanted to help but she wouldn’t let him. They were both miserable, and it was his fault. He weighed the pros and cons again, and began researching ways to somehow make the child more likely to be good. As well as the most common accidental child deaths, for two opposite reasons. After a month of research, internal debate, and unrestful nights he made his decision.

“We can have three children at the most,” he announced while they ate Chinese. Heather had cried tears of joy and didn’t let him finish his sweet and sour chicken before dragging him up to the bedroom. He didn’t complain. Every night he was home Heather had a large diner prepared that she had clearly cooked herself, which they ate together before she dragged him away again. Until one day he came home only to be tackled in the doorway.

‘We’re having a baby!” Heather squealed, and while he wasn’t particularly excited about a baby, he loved her smile. He watched her design the nursery, took time off to go to the hospital with her, and was there for the birth. Everything had been fine until the birth. There was only supposed to be a baby girl born. Instead the first infant to come out clearly had a penis. Heather liked his blonde hair though so that wasn’t a complete disaster. No, the true disaster was when another baby came, this time a baby girl with black hair. Despite Heather’s initial excitement at the idea of a baby girl this baby had thin black hair and was heavier than the other. It made Heather instantly connect more to the little boy. Jason had let Heather choose the name for the baby originally, but since Jesse was a unisex name she gave it to the little boy. When it came to the little girl she looked to Jason. He hadn't been prepared so he said  the first name that came to mind. He named her Jester, and at that moment he realized that this was his child, not just Heather’s.

Jesse was given the original nursery, although, Heather completely redecorated it. She claimed she was so busy with redesigning Jesse’s room and watching both babies to do Jester’s room, leaving it to Jason. Jason put her crib in the middle of the room, a room with white carpet and white walls and a single window. There was no point in fully decorating it like his wife insisted with Jesse, when Jester grew up he’d let her choose what the room looked like. It had a mobile with the planets since they were just colorful circles, and eventually he added a nightlight so checks would go smoother.

Especially when Jesse was too young to walk or talk Jason was given very little influence on the little boy’s life. Heather rarely even let him hold the child. His wife’s focus on her son left Jester alone in her crib. Since his wife’s focus was always stuck on the baby Jason was left in their room, hearing the little girl cry through the monitor. Sometimes he’d go and cradle her until she quieted down, other times he’d tell Heather to feed her. He could not have a malnourished child.

When the two twins became toddlers things changed further. Jason had always believed in physical punishment. When little Jesse broke his vase he gave him a spank. And then Heather grabbed Jason by the hair and threw him to the floor.

“Never touch my son like that again!” She roared before swooping Jesse up and skittering off to the playroom. Jason counted backwards from ten to keep his anger in check. She didn’t care when he spanked Jester! But that was just it, somehow they had split the children in two. Jason took that realization in stride, he focused his attention mainly on Jester, mostly only giving Jesse compliments and praise when the boy wanted it. However with Jester he disciplined her, he pushed her, he made sure her time was always being spent well. When her powers first appeared he made sure that she could push the limits with them. That she had as much control as possible. He made sure that she was at the top of her class in every way.

Looking at his daughter from across the table he felt as if his hard work was paying off. She was beautiful, she didn’t need help to take care of herself, she was mature, she did everything he said. Out in public there wasn’t a better child for a leader to have. Jester was able to speak to just about anyone and charm them completely. People often forget how young she was. Jesse wasn’t bad but he was still awkward around strange adults, it was clear he was only nine. Jason made sure Jesse was always with either Heather or himself at these events. Jester roamed free though, making connections that Jason couldn’t reach. When she became an actual adult he wanted her to take over the business. Of course Jesse would be the face, as who could resist a strong man? His wife was teaching the boy how to look his best. Yes, everything was going to plan. Jason was happy here.