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#but that’s okay!!! because i’ve been wanting to do that anyways!!!
pbnbucks · 2 days
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Paige x Reader!
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Love And Friendship - PB5
word count : 519
warnings: smut, swearing, heartache.
summary : paige and reader have been friends since childhood at their sleepover paige offers to take your virginity.
yn - italic
paige - bold
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you and your best friend of many years, Paige are laying in bed and you feel the bed shift.
“y/n? are you still up?” you turn over to face her as she continues with her sentence “have you and (your boyfriends name) fucked yet?” you furrow your eyebrows in confusion at her sentence “no, we havent” “are you a virgin?” you didn’t know what to say because you didn’t want to feel left out and feel like a child but you know she could tell by the look on your face that you where. “i almost lost it but then i realized i didn’t want him to be the one to take it just yet” Paige let go of the breath that she didn’t even know she was holding you could see that something about that sentence made her calm. “do you ever think about loosing it? have you ever touched yourself?” you didnt know if you should tell her the truth or not because the truth is you have touched yourself, but you touched yourself thinking about her wishing she was the one touching you and making you feel good. “i don’t think about loosing it and i’ve touched myself before” whispering the last part so she hopefully wouldn’t hear but she heard anyways “when you touch yourself who do you think of?” oh shit. “ i think of my boyfriend” she mentally rolls her eyes at my comment “but you wont let him fuck you?” you stay silent by her comment because genuinely you hated your boyfriend all you wanted was Paige, you want Paige to be the one you talk to all your friends about, get matching rings with, the one you lost it to. “have you ever thought about loosing it to a girl?” "yes a lot actually” shes thinking about what to say next “would you let me fuck you?..” you don’t know what to say because you don’t want to say the wrong thing hoping you wouldn’t ruin your friendship. “yes.” there is a long silence followed by your awnser . “can i take your virginity y/n? just as friends, for practice you know?” you nod your head as she slowly slips her hand into the waist band of your shorts making shivers go down your spine, she slowly runs a finger through your folds, you whine at her action “tell me when you want me to stop, okay?” you lick your lips grinding your hips onto her hand and seeing her familiar smirk from your action. she slowly slips 2 fingers in you as you let out a soft moan “does it feel good?” “feels so good paige” you start to feel yourself clench around her fingers symbolizing your close and paige can feel it to. you can feel her breath on the crook of your neck “you gonna cum? i can feel you getting tight” you nod your head signaling your release as you let go on her fingers
you thank her for her help in your orgasm because deep down all it is, is 2 bestfriends helping eachother out, unfortunately.
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biolumien · 1 day
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Hiiii!!!! 😊👋 So I only just started Kaiju no. 8!!! New to the fandom and not a manga reader. Idk what’s going to happen in the next episode—all I know is that Hoshina better not d*e lol.
Anyways!!! Obviously I am a huge Hoshina fan/simp!!! I really like your blog and I have enjoyed your Hoshina fics!!!!!! 🥹 And since your requests are open, I wanted to know if I could perhaps make one??? 👉👈
If so, I was wondering if you could do something sort of related to your “say it!” fic??? Like where Hoshina (+ reader) somehow bumps into the ex from operations you mentioned in the fic??? And reader gets SUPERRRRR jealous (lord knows I would be especially if said ex was really beautiful and smart) and insecure. Maybe reader acts a bit distant/moody after the encounter but once Hoshina realizes what’s up he immediately reassures reader and let’s them know how much he loves/cares for them???
Sorry if this request is weird or doesn’t make sense to you, I’ve honestly just been thinking about a similar scenario ever since reading that fic of yours 😭😭 anyways thank you so much for your time 🫶❤️ and please never stop writing, your fics are beautiful 💖💕
notes: hihi; thank you so much for your request; i hope that this is okay; you sent this in before the most recent episode but hoshina's a fairly important character to the story of kaiju no 8 overall so he'll be alright... i combined this with a slightly different ask which also surrounded jealousy but with okonogi; it's very briefly mentioned though.
jealousy as the crux
soshiro hoshina x gn!reader no warnings should apply, i think. wc: 837
hoshina always maintained rather easy conversation with a lot of people—friendly conversation that sometimes got the better of your self esteem when he teasingly doted on okonogi or otherwise. 
you’d tried not to bring it up, to not bother him—because envy and jealousy like that was an ugly emotion, of course. it wouldn’t be right to burden hoshina with them–mostly because you weren’t even sure how he’d react. he was plenty envious on his own, you think–key point on think. but it might have been for more reasonable things, surely. like the envious desire to become stronger, or something noble like that.
nothing quite like yours. 
but stumbling on hoshina’s ex was never on your list of priorities at all. 
so the fact that she was here—was her name amaya?—only made you more uncomfortable. you barely knew anything about her other than the fact that okonogi spoke her name with strained reverence, cautious to never bring it up around hoshina. hoshina seemed to be uncaring of it all, even so–as if he couldn’t be bothered to remember. 
she was smoking indoors, her eyes tired and weary. 
hoshina didn’t seem to tense up when talking to her, which strangely irked you more. 
“hoshina,” amaya says, approaching hoshina with a raised eyebrow. she pats his shoulder, and he chuckles.
“you look well,” hoshina murmurs. 
“hm. well as i’ll ever be.” her eyes flit to you, her eyes narrowing. you felt uncomfortable under her gaze, as if you were some unique kind of insect to be pinned up in a collection. “this your new partner? they’re cute.”
“hm?” hoshina laughs. “aren’t they?”
the compliment doesn’t feel good, somehow, as it usually does.
“thought you said you wouldn’t date again,” amaya says, dusting off some ash off the tip of her cigarette, taking another breath before blowing it away from the two of you. “not that we really were.” she snorts. “you were too much of a coward last time.”
“hey,” hoshina says, sounding mock-hurt. “i figured we were better off as friends.”
“hm.” amaya exhales. “whatever you say.”
“i wish you’d sound more enthusiastic about this,” hoshina retorts, laughing again. it’s the same laugh he has when he talks to okonogi, that same doting laughter–but it also wasn’t anything special. it was the same kind of laughter he had when he talked to you, though perhaps it was tinged with more fondness when he spoke to you.
if there was anything hoshina was, it might’ve just been annoyingly consistent.
"it's hard to be enthusiastic surrounding you. your sarcastic energy exhausts me," amaya drawls.
you turn away from the conversation at this point–and yet you can feel amaya staring daggers into the back of your head. 
“i’ll let the two of you finish this up,” you say, and your voice sounds far more obviously strained than you’d like for it to be. 
hoshina was allowed to talk to other people. but why did amaya irk you so much? was it just the irreverent way she spoke, the way she seemed to be watching you so intently for no reason? what the hell was her problem? as you stormed off, your footsteps grew angrier as you continued to mull over it. no, seriously! what was her problem? 
but what was yours, being jealous in the first place? you were being irrational–worried because you wanted hoshina’s attention for yourself but of course it wasn’t right to worry this badly about it to the point that envy would turn your stomach like this, create the brittling sensation in your heart. it wasn’t right, and the fact that you knew it wasn’t right made the whirling sense of bad in you feel worse.
you rub your face roughly, trying to shock yourself into trying to just be fucking normal.
“hey.”
hoshina’s voice is quiet when you turn around, and his face is contemplative, brows furrowed in worry.
“are you done? talking to amaya?” you ask.
“for now,” he says. his eyes focus on your face, concerned now. “are you okay?”
“i’m…”
the words die in your throat.
“i don’t want to be jealous,” you say weakly. “of whatever’s going on. but, i–”
hoshina’s hands are on your face before you can even finish your sentence, squishing your cheeks together.
“mm, i see.” hoshina blinks, humming. “why didn’t you just say so earlier?”
you blink.
“you’re not… mad?” you ask.
“mad?” hoshina raises an eyebrow, cocking his head. it looks cute. “should i be?”
“no,” you say. “i–or, i don’t know. maybe? yes?”
“which is it?” hoshina asks, a teasing smile on his face before his brow furrows a bit. “if you would have just told me earlier i could have easily just told you that there’s nothing going on between me and anyone else but you. i chose you. don’t forget that, okay?”
you blink.
“and i love you,” hoshina says, completely straightforwardly, with sure honesty. “don’t forget that.”
you nod, and he squeezes your face, leaning in to kiss you on the lips.
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luvvsim · 1 day
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happiness is a butterfly.
˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚ ౨ৎ⋆ ˚。⋆
in which your relationship with heeseung has been falling apart,, and he realizes far too late. (drabble).
⊹ ࣪ ˖ lee heeseung x fem reader ⊹ ࣪ ˖
warnings | angst,, argument, literally zero comfort im so srry guys, idk what else :c not edited, (⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝)
(a/n) why have i been writing so much angst like hello… anyways last week of school FINALLY then i have a week and a bit off until summer classes start :c </3
1.2k ⋆ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
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the city lights of seoul cast a dim glow through the curtains, giving the living room a soft, melancholic hue. you sit on the edge of the couch, your fingers gripping the cushion fabric tightly as you watch heeseung pace back and forth. the tension in the room is unavoidable, a storm brewing between you both that you can no longer hold back.
“i just don’t understand why you can’t see it from my perspective, y/n” heeseung’s voice breaks through the silence, his frustration evident. his normally warm eyes filled with love are now filled with a mix of anger and hurt, emotions that you rarely see in him.
you take a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart. “it’s not that i don’t see it, hee. it’s just that you never listen to me either. it’s always about your schedule, your fans, your career. what about us? what about me? it’s unfair…”
he stops pacing and turns to face you, his brows furrowed in confusion and disbelief. “are you fucking serious? you think i don’t care about us? everything i do, i do it for us, for our future.”
“do you?” you ask, your voice trembling at the visible anger in his voice. “because it feels like i’m always the one compromising. i’m always the one waiting, always the one understanding. when do you make time for me? you can’t expect me to just sit here silently and take all this.”
heeseung runs a hand through his hair, a gesture you know he does when he’s stressed. “you knew what you were getting into when we started this, i warned you. you knew my life would be demanding and time consuming.”
“i didn’t know it would be this hard,” you whisper, tears welling up in your eyes. “i didn’t know i would feel so lonely even when i’m right here with you.”
the room falls silent, the weight of your words hanging heavily in the air. heeseung looks at you, his hard glare softening as he takes in your expression.
he takes a step closer. “i never wanted you to feel lonely honey, i thought… i thought we were okay.” he says placing his hand on your cheek as you softly take it off, heeseung noticing the gesture as he looks down in shame.
you wipe away a tear, your voice breaking. “we’re not okay, heeseung. we haven’t been for a while, and you know it. i’ve tried to be strong, to support you, but it’s exhausting. i miss you even when you’re right here, i miss the old you, not the heeseung who acts like spending time with me is an obligation.”
heeseung kneels in front of you, taking your hands in his. his touch is warm, familiar, but it doesn’t bring the comfort it used to. “i miss you too baby, i promise I’m still the same heeseung” he says as his voice breaks, his voice barely above a whisper. “i’m so sorry baby, you know i love you.”
you look into his eyes, searching for the sincerity in his words. you see it there, but it’s not enough to mend the damage that has been done in your heart. “missing each other isn’t enough, heeseung. we need more than that. we need to actually be there for each other.”
he squeezes your hands gently, his eyes pleading. “tell me what to do. tell me how to fix this. i don’t want to lose you, i’m not letting you go.” tears brimming in his eyes, desperate.
you sigh, pulling your hands away. “i don’t know if it’s something you can fix hee, i think… i think we need time apart to figure out what we really want and need.”
heeseung’s face falls, the colour draining from his cheeks. “t-time apart? you’re breaking up with me?”
“no,” you say quickly, your heart aching at the sight of his heart broken expression. “i just… i need space to think. we both do. maybe then we can come back and make this work, all we do is argue, heeseung.”
he stands up slowly, his shoulders slumped in defeat. “if that’s what you want.”
“it’s not what i want,” you say, your voice cracking. “but it’s what we need. i love you, heeseung, but love isn’t enough right now.”
he nods, swallowing hard. “i get it. i don’t like it, but i get it.”
you stand as well, wrapping your arms around yourself as if you’re trying to hold yourself together. “i’m sorry it’s come to this.”
heeseung steps forward, hesitating before pulling you into a tight embrace. you cling to him, burying your face in his chest as the tears you’ve been holding back finally fall. he rests his chin on top of your head, his own tears rolling down his cheeks, dampening your hair.
“me too, honey” he whispers. “i’m so sorry.”
you stay like that for what feels like an eternity, holding each other as if it’s the last time as the dim lights of seoul shine down on you. in some ways, it feels like it is the last time you’ll be in each others embrace. when you finally pull away, the distance between you feels even bigger.
heeseung walks you to the door, holding his tears back as his hand lingers on the doorknob. “take care of yourself, okay?”
“you too,” you reply, giving him a small, sad smile. “i hope we can fix this, hee.”
“me too,” he says again, his voice barely audible.
you step outside, before you could walk away you feel a grip on your wrist.
“i love you, i always will.” heeseung whispers.
you give him a broken smile as you pull your arm out of his grasp.
“i love you too..”
you reply as you finally leave the apartment along with the love of your life. the cool night air hitting your tear-streaked face. as you walk away, you can’t help but glance back, seeing heeseung standing in the doorway, watching you go. the sight breaks your heart all over again, you want to run back to him, to be with him forever, but you force yourself to keep walking.
back in the apartment, heeseung closes the door and leans against it, sliding down to the floor. the silence is deafening, the absence of your presence a constant reminder of what he’s lost. he covers his face with his hands, finally letting the sobs he’s been holding back escape.
the record player continues to spin, a melody echoing off the walls of the empty room;
"happiness is a butterfly
try to catch it like every night
it escapes from my hands into moonlight"
his body shakes with his sobs as the song plays on, your favourite song. heeseung realizes that happiness, like a butterfly, is fragile and fleeting. and in that moment, he vows to do whatever it takes to catch it again, to hold onto the love that he wholeheartedly knows he can’t live without.
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© luvvsim
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mt-oe · 14 hours
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I’ve just been highly obsessed over modern Mizu. So I’m just asking for that, modern Mizu meets reader at uni or something like that! I love LOVE your writing!! 💖💖
✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧
Hey dear!
Thank you so much for the request! I hope you don't mind if I add a bit more to this <3 I've been wanting to write modern au Mizu hcs and your request really granted me the opportunity to do so.
Also, I'm so sorry for being so slow on the requests. I've been so eepy lately for some reason and I can't fight against it, like I tried but failed so many times ;; I am a slave to my own body
Anyways, I hope you enjoy! Mwa mwa :*
warning/s: not proofread, she/her for mizu, implied afab reader, game reference (league of legends)
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general headcanons
✦ This woman would either overload or underload her units like crazy. She'd either be busy with her academics and work 6 days a week, even sending a letter to the admin so she can go past the mandated maximum amount of units in one semester or doing absolutely nothing while the rest of her friends are going apeshit on their finals. There's no in between.
She would plan it like an absolute psychopath too. Nothing special foreseeably happening in the next semester? She's going above and beyond. A convention she wants to go to on September? Signing up for the bare minimum amount of allowed units just for one event.
Her friends are either concerned for her and losing contact for a whole semester, or are pissed off that she's playing some kind of gacha game on her phone while they're losing their minds on their finals.
✦ Would be the type to be so pissed off by slow walkers in the hallway. The hatred she has for people who walk so fucking slow in the hallway is unbridled. Though she's not the type to pick fights, she'd be the type to sigh loudly, making you feel her anger, before overtaking and wouldn't be afraid to bump against the person if needed. Her hatred goes deep enough to the point where she even remembers people JUST because they walk slow.
✦ The type of friend who would walk to everything. Sure she has her motorbike, but if she can walk to it, you bet she's going to walk. She even knows different shortcuts to different buildings on campus.
"This looks like a good place," Akemi tells them, showing her phone. For once, their vacant hours finally aligned and they've been trying to find a good place to eat since the lunch hall food was getting repetitive and they could feel their taste buds dulling over time. Akemi, being the 'what do you guys want to eat?' friend, and the other three, being the 'I don't know' or the 'I'm fine with whatever' friends, is left to search for a new place.
They took a look at the place and shrugged in agreement, making her roll her eyes at their lack of opinion. "Okay but how are we going to go there?" Taigen asks. Mizu takes Akemi's phone and looks up the map to the place. The distance itself was enough to tell a person that they should take the bus. Hell, it was on the other side of town almost.
"We can walk. It's not that far," she says, closing the map and handing Akemi her phone back. They trusted Mizu. It couldn't be that bad.
Right?
By the time they arrived at the restaurant, they were already sweating, ready to give up, tired out of their wits. The food wasn't even worth it anymore.
"It's not that far" my ass.
Even Taigen, her fellow gym rat and workout buddy, was fucking exhausted. And this bitch (affectionately), has the audacity to stand there, crossing her arms with the most unamused expression on her face as if it was their fault for being so exhausted. If she tells you its walking distance, it is NOT within walking distance.
✦ She's a jack-of-all trades type of person, but she'd have the fattest fucking talent crush on anyone who can express themselves through art. The talents and skills she gathered were purely out of necessity. Fixing and modifying bikes was the only thing she was truly passionate about but it's hard to be expressive through repairing motorbikes, right?
She has always been so amazed by stories of painters, sculptors, singers, and writers who have deep backstories and can reflect it through their art. She would be the type to read the whole description in art museums just because she's so amazed by them.
Deep inside her, she wished she could do that too. To express herself through a medium. Like what do you mean you wrote this poem because you're sad your cat died? Or what do you mean you took this professional-looking picture just because you had the best picnic date with your friends? How can someone write a song about casual sapphic sex? She can't even vocalize her feelings, how much more in art? Whenever she sees someone writing their English essay so well or drawing randomly, she'd secretly be so interested.
✦ Mizu would have social media accounts but would use it bare minimum. She'd be that type of classmate that you're not sure if it's really her because she doesn't have a profile picture you can check or if she does, it's like a picture of an item instead of her face.
Her friends would be so happy whenever Mizu posts an IG story even if it's just a picture of where they were eating or even if their face is barely in the picture.
"Aww you posted us!" and they're like little ants with how small they were in the picture.
Or
"Do you want to eat at that place again?" and she'd be like 'what? why?' but they'd know she actually enjoyed the food because she bothered posting a picture of the place.
Deep inside her, Mizu wants to keep up with whatever trends her friends are into but she's very lowkey about it. The tough love friend who secretly really enjoys being friends, y'know? She'd search about it and try to figure it out. Everyone's surprised by her internet knowledge since she always acts like she wouldn't give a shit whatever new trend is on.
✦ This sounds so corny and stereotypical, but Taigen and her would be those gym rats who solve everything by working out. It didn't matter if it was a weekday, a weekend, a holiday, or whatever weather condition was going on outside, they are going.
They failed a test? Gym. Hungover? Gym. Too much homework? Gym.
When Megan Thee Stallion said she'll go to the gym two times a day, they go three. When she said the results are resulting? The body is bodying? These two are taking it seriously.
Taigen would focus on biceps, chest, and lats, cutting down on fat so his body would look more lean. He'd hate leg day but would do it anyway just to balance out his physique.
Meanwhile, Mizu would have a 'sleeper-type' build and her routine would be more well-rounded and would even include calisthenics on her free time. They'd try to beat each other's PR but it really ain't a competition when Mizu is always winning.
.  . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
how did you two meet?
Stupid shitty project.
Stupid fucking publisher gatekeeping the fucking article.
Stupid bitch ass school wifi keeps disconnecting.
Mizu resisted the urge to slam her laptop shut as her device disconnected from the wifi for the nth time. She was stuck in the library trying to finish her midterm project for building design system and holy shit was she frustrated.
She needed to create a specific building design that was supposed to be environmentally friendly, using what was considered as 'green materials' and had minimally destructive designs. It wouldn't be so bad if this fucking publisher just had to put a price on the article she needed. Wasn't education supposed to be free or whatever?
Her friends tried to help her, telling her to use the library computers, but none of them were working or free at the moment. That leaves her to use her laptop in the library. Usually, that wouldn't be a problem but due to the recent rains, the school wifi has been pretty shitty.
After a few more tries, she decided that this wasn't worth the frustration and trouble, and decided to collect her things to get ready to leave. Just as she was about to zip up her bag, a tap on the shoulder stopped her. She turned around to look at who was trying to get her attention, ready to tell them off. But upon turning around, her heart skipped a beat.
There you stood.
In your oh-so fancy sweatpants and college logo hoodie (whose logo wasn't even the university's). Your hair was ruffled and messy, eyes tired and more exhausted than her's. Understandably so though. It was hell week and everyone was tired, but somehow, your tired looked so pretty.
Her eyes continued to stare at you. Like the world stopped moving and it was just you and her in the room.
"Umm...there's a free computer over there if you still need it," you said shyly but in a straightforward manner. A small tired smile on your lips, trying to appear as friendly as possible. Mizu snapped out of her trance and nodded, slinging her bag over her shoulder to move to the said computer.
Maybe she'll stay for a bit. To finish her midterm project.
Definitely not for the pretty lady.
No, of course not.
Upon sitting down, she couldn't help but sneak glances at you, looking back down at the screen when you looked in her direction. She felt stupid, like a lovestruck fool. Borderline, like a child getting their first actual crush.
In her mind, she was already planning how to approach you without making it awkward. Maybe she'll try to strike up a conversation? But how? Hmmm..
It definitely took a while, being distracted and all, but she was finally able to finish her report. Taking a deep breath, she prepared herself mentally to talk to you. She stood up and stretched after logging herself out, pretending to look around the room but in reality she was looking for you.
Much to her dismay, you were no where to be found. A small "fuck" left her lips as she sighed, picking her bag up. The universe must hate her. Giving her an opportunity to see the most beautiful person she's ever seen only for them to leave early? Fuck.
Her thoughts continued to plague her for the rest of the day, even until the next morning. It sounded so silly and so stupid for her to be this bothered, but she really just couldn't forget you. She sighed once again as she stared at the lecture hall walls, face hidden against her palms.
"Excuse me. Do you have an extra pencil?" a voice asked as she felt a tap on her shoulder. Looking up grouchily, her eyes widened immediately.
It was you.
And this time, she wasn't going to let this opportunity pass.
.  . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
but what now? (girlfriend headcanons)
✦ Mizu would absolutely remember EVERYTHING about you. Your birthday, MBTI score, favorites, dislikes, and even the silliest things such as what makes you sneeze.
She has a second brain for these, an internal SSD in her brain just for you. You won't even have to remind her about anything, because she already planned it out before you remember.
It's especially great for errands since you don't have to give her a list, she already has a list in her brain. Sometimes, you'd think she forgot because she's so quiet about it but she always finds a way to prove you wrong. If she says she forgot something about you, it's a lie. She never forgets, especially when it comes to her girlfriend.
✦ Would pretend to not understand or know how to do something just so you could teach or show her. Mizu definitely has a lot of skill up her sleeves, but whenever you asked if she knew something that she knew you were good at, she'd pretend not to.
"So I just click like this?" she asked you through the call, clicking on a minion. You had enthusiastically called her, asking if she wanted to learn how to play League of Legends. Unknown to you, your girlfriend already knew how to play and was quite good at it (that's a lie, she's beyond good).
She couldn't help but smile slightly as she watched you nod enthusiastically. The thought of you being so eager to spend time with her was heart-warming. She even made a dummy account just to make her beginner act look believable. "Yeah, you just need to keep this up. So should we queue together?" you asked, sounding really excited.
Mizu chuckled and nodded. "Don't get mad at me, okay?" she joked lightly, accepting your invite. "I won't. I'll be the ADC so you can play support until you get the hang of it, okay?" you said, checking which ADR champions you had cool skins of. Your girlfriend let out a small laugh at your enthusiasm, signaling you to start the queue.
The game went really well. Extremely well.
To your surprise, Mizu was quite a good support. Never accidentally stealing your CS, always being there during a clash, skill shots always hitting, knowing who to focus on. "It's because you're good at teaching people," she said.
But really, you wonder how she knew which items to build when you never even taught her.
✦ Would do the most random or the smallest things for you. She's not good at expressing her feelings so she makes up for it through acts of service and gift giving. Mizu tries her best to be as loving as she can without overwhelming you.
Can you even remember the last time you tied your own shoelaces? You can't. Can you?
Sometimes, you'll be surprised to arrive home with the fridge already stocked even though you had told her that you'll do the groceries on your next day off. The only response you'll get is a shake of her head and a random thing you mentioned you wanted to buy.
Sometimes, she's a bit silly though. Putting in the effort to remove her jacket to shield you from the rain even though you had an umbrella, removing the buckle of your helmet so she'd be the one to put it on you, gifting you random goofy greeting cards.
It's both endearing and a bit funny.
✦ Secretly loves it when you put makeup on her or if you let her do your makeup. Her amazement and fascination skyrockets whenever she watched you put make up on. It was a line of femininity that she was never taught to cross. She'd watch you with deep interest, observing how carefully you did it, how purposeful each step you did was.
"So why do you put it on?" she asks. You hum in thought before shrugging. "It just...makes me feel pretty."
What do you mean it makes you feel pretty?
You were already pretty.
You can't help but laugh at her and her curiosity. "It just does. It feels therapeutic to put on and I like how I look after, it's like expressing myself or something. Like painting but on your face," you explained to her, making her raise an eyebrow.
"But what if you don't like the way it looks?" she asked, picking up your eyeshadow palette and swatching a color on her hand curiously. "I can always take it off," you answered, blending the blush on your cheeks.
She stayed silent for a moment, continuing to swatch the colors on her hand. Her mind still couldn't wrap around the fact that this could make you feel better. Its just color and chemicals, and it washes off too.
Your eyes scanned her face before a soft laugh left your lips. "Here. Want to try?" you offered. Your girlfriend looked a bit hesitant but she wanted to understand.
Was this really fun?
After a few minutes, some struggles and squirming, you finally finished putting some make up on her. You tried your best to make it look as natural and as light as possible, knowing that she wouldn't appreciate the texture of heavy makeup immediately.
Blue eyes scanned over her own face on the mirror. She didn't say anything, but the slight twitch of her lips and the shine in her eyes spoke thousands.
"I want to do it on you too," she said quietly. "At least one thing. Let me try to do it for you."
You heart melted at her excitement. How could you refuse her when she finally finds something she likes? You handed her your eyeliner and sat down. "Here, follow my instructions.."
Mizu actually ended up liking it. Although she enjoyed putting it on you more, she still enjoyed it nonetheless. The amount of practice she put in made you wonder if she was actually better than you now. Somehow, she felt a bit of relief and a bit happy that she finally found something she could do that was considered as 'artistic'.
What started off as a simple "let me try" ended up being part of your routine. This woman never stopped practicing different eyeliner looks and now she just sits on your bed, waiting for you to finish your routine so she can put it on you. Sometimes she'd do a more creative graphic liner look, but on days you had to go to uni or work, she'd do the usual. She could probably do it with her eyes closed.
And the results?
SHARP.
Capital S H A R P.
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r0tt0nmagg0ts · 10 hours
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Very excited to see your page grow ! 🤍 sorry for the long request 😣😣❕
Can i request a Daryl x fem!reader where the reader’s whole love language was cooking for people before everything went to shit? But because to the outbreak and where they ran from place to place.. she just could never make anything and because lack of ingredients which sort of kills her morale.
However, when they’re staying at Alexandria.. One day she gets one look at their pantry and is strangely super excited and very much productive for the whole afternoon. Which causes confusion among the group because “woah reader is rlly happy, wonder what’s up.” And it’s because she can finally cook the food she loved to make and it’s now time for Daryl to test-taste each and every single dish made all with her love 🤍 .
Just some wholesome fluffiness bc i personally imagine Daryl had like food made by someone for him. He deserves the best as he just eats everything up bc its made with all of our love 🤍🤍🤍
Hello!!! I think this is an amazing idea! Can I just say that I’ve found my people 🤧
Here’s to my first X Reader on here 🥂
Warning: Talks about food/ fluff/ killing walkers (normal TWD stuff)
HOPE YALL ENJOY❤️
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You a chef or something’?
For as long as you could remember, you always loved to cook for the people closest to you.
You would make them their favorite foods and the look on their faces when they would take that first bite was enough to make your entire day.
But when everything happened, cooking food that actually tasted good was the least of your concern, breaking your little chef heart. But when you walked into Alexandria for the first time and saw the plethora of food they had, your heart practically sung.
“What type of herbs do you have?”
“Just about everything, basil, thyme, rosemary, paprika. You name it we probably have it.”
“Where did you get all of them?” You said with a little giggle in your throat.
“Out scavenging, this area used to be a huge neighborhood so there was lots of herbs and seasonings that were left behind”
You were so excited for all of the possibilities! You could make so many different foods and you can now FINALLY show off to everyone how much you loved to cook. But there was one person who you especially wanted to impress.
He sat outside of the house cleaning his bow you and Rick’s group had decided to stay in until you could trust these new people.
You walked up to the house with a huge basket of cans, herbs, seasonings, and just whatever you could put into a meal.
“What gotcha all skipping down the street like a child?” the bowman said with his southern twang, an accent you been hearing since you joined the group back at the quarry.
“Just some herbs and seasonings”
“Whatcha gonna use tha for?”
“Uh, cooking?” You said in a questionable tone.
“Do you want me to cook you something?”
“Nah, you don’ gotta do tha. Whatcha gonna make with all of those anyway?”
“I have lots of ideas on what to make, you know it’s been a while since I cooked, maybe you could come inside and taste everything?”
Daryl gave it a second of thought, but in his normal gruff voice “Fine, but you gotta cook what I ask for”
“Okay!”
Ever since you first met Daryl and the quarry you always thought he was a hard working man. Always went out and got food. He was a survivor, a man the world couldn’t take down no matter what it threw to him.
When he saved you after the walkers invaded the camp, you began to not just think he was a cool guy but also to have a sense of respect for him.
“What do you want me to cook you?”
“Well, I got this squirrel that I plan of skinning, be nice to do somethin with it.”
And that got you thinking. “Maybe we could do a stew, or a baked squirrel, or maybe-“ “Woah, calm down ther’ just make a stew that’ll be simple enough all righ’?”
“Okay, a stew. Hmm.” You go inside the house and walk to the kitchen placing down the basket, and you start looking at the seasonings, and vegetables in your basket. You pick out the cucumber, carrots, squash, flour, and eggs “How many squirrels do you have?”
“I got five”
“Okay, I can make a broth from the squirrels and make a minestrone soup”
“The hell is a minestrone soup?” “It’s a soup from Italy, filled with vegetables.”
“Well okay, tell me when it done”
You gave him a big smile and turned around to get started on this soup, you had Daryl skin the squirrels for you, you baked the squirrel and toon of the meat, then placed the meat in a bag and put it in the fridge for the stew. You then got the bones and some meat from the squirrel, put it in a pot filled with garlic, carrots, onions, and you put it to the top of the got with water. Then you let it cook on the stove top for HOURS.
The next day you strained the broth and started on the soup. You chopped up the vegetables and you made the pasta. Using the flour and eggs you used 3 parts flour, and 2 parts egg. You than mixed with your hands and used a rolling pin to flatten it out. Daryl than came up to you to check what you were doing “Why ya just now startin tha?” “I had to make the broth, that took all night.”
“Ya didn’t have to do tha it justa soup I woulda had you make me somethin else if I knew it would take that long.”
“Don’t be an ass Daryl I’m doing this because I care.”
“But why do you care, why do ya care about the way food tastes n all tha, it jus ment for ya to survive.”
“I know, but mankind invented art, and I believe cooking is an art. You deserve some good food after everything you do, just let me show that I care.”
“Fine, just stop being philosophical.”
“That a big word even for you Mr. Dixon.” You joked.
He just scoffed and walked away. ‘Finally some peace to myself’ you thought. You loved that man you do but sometimes he can just get in your nerves. But you know he’s an ass out of love.
One hour later, the soup is finally now just simmering in the pot. You decided it would be a good idea to make a cake because you think Daryl might appreciate it for taking so long to cook the soup.
You ran down to the little ‘Grocery store’ they had down the street and picked up some sugar, butter, and vanilla flavoring.
You devoted to them start on the cake, also making your own butter crème frosting. After two hours, everything was perfect.
You decided to set up the table and piped open a glass of red wine.
“Daryl ! Dinners ready!”
Daryl walked slowly into the house to see you dressed in a beautiful floral summer dress and some fake pearl earrings from the mall back when you were in the quarry.
“Wha’ with all this?” He asked not knowing how to react. All he knew was this beautiful woman whom he adored had made him a meal that smelled sweeter than anything else.
“I thought you would enjoy it, so I decided to get some wine, and the nicest bowl I could find”
“Well, tha’ sweet of ya, wish I dressed up a bit more now.”
Daryl was wearing what he usually does, his t-shirt with his beautiful arms showing, with his angel wing vest and his cargo pants with boots.
“You look just fine Daryl, not like we have many clothes anyway.”
Daryl silently agreed and sat down
You served him the soup with a slice of buttered Italian bread and a glass of wine.
You sat yourself across from him and Daryl instantly started to eat.
“Oh wow-“ Daryl’s face looked as if he had never eaten before.
“This the best soup I ever had”
“Are you messing with me?” Daryl had never really given many compliments to anybody, so him saying so ment a lot.
“I’m serious, the carrots are nice, ion think I ever had squash before so that new.”
“Aw well thank you Daryl”
“Nah thank you, so tell me sunshine” and nickname he had given to you that just made your heart flutter.
“Why is cooking so important to ya?”
“I think it just the feeling that, I can make people happy, that I could make them something and they would enjoy it.”
“Mm” he replied nodding.
After dinner you and Daryl had a slice of the cake you had decided to bake last minute, he also said that the cake was and I quote “Fucking amazing”.
You two decided to hang out and talk while you both cleaned up the kitchen.
“Hey Daryl.”
“Ya what’s up sunshine?”
“Do you think I could cook for you more often? I mean I hope you liked it”
“Woman, I loved your cooking, imma be coming over every nigh’ now.”
You were so happy to hear that, Daryl actually loved your cooking. You felt so happy you couldn’t hold back your smile, making your face a bit red.
Daryl smiled and continued wiping down the table.
After that you decided to go to bed, Daryl had decided to as well, but he slept downstairs still.
You kissed him a goodnight kiss on his cheek and walked up stairs. Thinking about the day, Daryl fell asleep with a smile on his face excited for what tomorrow will bring.
.
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THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!!!!! So sorry if it shitty but thank you all for reading my first x reader on this app 🤧 ❤️
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bri-cheeses · 2 days
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Letters and Pens - Part 5
| Rosekiller microfic | Word count: 609 | Part 4 is here |
-
Barty picked up the pen, turned it over, and pushed the end down onto one of the books. A “click” filled the room, and Evan tried not to let his annoyance get the best of him. The least Barty could do was turn around and look at him, for Salazar’s sake.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Barty said. Evan couldn’t see his expression, but he was willing to bet that his eyebrows were pinched together in that specific way of his. The way he looked when he was lying.
Evan took a step closer. “Bee, look at me.”
He finally, finally turned around, albeit reluctantly. The pen was still in his hands, and he chose to focus on that instead of making eye contact with Evan. But he could settle for a compromise, Evan supposed. At least Barty was turned towards him now.
“Seriously, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Barty mumbled, and yep, his eyebrows were pinched together. “I don’t know why you think that.”
“Oh, I don’t know, how about the fact that you’ve been refusing to be close to me today? Like, at all. It’s like you can’t stand to be within a meter-wide radius of me.”
His words came out a bit sharper than he had intended, but Barty had been acting ridiculous all day. He could handle some slight dramatics.
“Merlin, if I had known you were going to read that far into it, I wouldn’t have bothered!” Barty exclaimed.
“So you admit you’ve been doing it, then?”
Barty fell silent, his jaw working in anger.
“Barty.”
No response, except for Barty’s knuckles turning white on the pen. Evan felt his own anger flare at Barty’s stubbornness.
“Why did you do it?”
Again, nothing.
“Answer me,” Evan demanded, and that was the last straw for Barty, who took a step forward and stabbed a finger at Evan’s chest. He breathed out heavily, eyes looking a bit crazed, and Evan felt his own eyes widen in response.
“Because,” Barty began, speaking tightly, “I wanted to kiss you at the party last night, and you didn’t want to kiss me back, and I’ve been feeling so incredibly stupid all day long and I just wanted a break from it, okay?”
Evan’s mouth fell open.
“You said you didn’t remember that!”
Barty rolled his eyes at his accusatory tone.
“Well I wasn’t about to set myself up for a second rejection, now was I?” He huffed out a breath, shaking his head. “Funny, considering it’s still happening anyways.”
He made to step around Evan, but Evan shot out a hand and grabbed his wrist. Barty glanced down at the point of contact between them, then looked back up into Evan's eyes. He didn’t try to shake off his grip, which Evan took as a good sign to start talking.
“Bee… did you actually want to kiss me last night?”
Now, Barty tried tugging his wrist back.
“I figured that would’ve been obvious,” he said bitterly.
Evan tightened his hold.
“No, I mean, did you want to kiss me specifically, or were you just drunk and angry and wanting a distraction?”
Barty looked taken aback. “Is that what you thought?”
“You got a letter from your father and were moping about it the entire day,” Evan explained. “I didn’t think you particularly cared who it was you were kissing.”
Barty shook his head earnestly. “I mean, I was upset about the letter—he said some pretty nasty things, really—but that wasn’t why I wanted to kiss you. I had been thinking about it for a while, actually.”
Had Barty just—? No, it was impossible. Did he really just say what Evan thought he had?
-
(Part 6)
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0asisbliss · 2 days
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Darling why run?
Pt.2
Parings: Yandere!Chrollo x Cubby fem!Reader
TW: Kidnap, mentions of torture, other dark shit.
A/N: Sorry for any spelling errors. Pt.3 since you guys asked for this first.
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You sat there in silence trying to concentrate on the door. Waiting for it to open. You needed to get out. The rusted old chains on your leg felt itchy, and you could no longer feel the weight of them because of how tight they were. The beating image of your friend still stuck in your head. It was horrifying. Your face still hasn’t changed. That same nonchalant expression that you had when she was asking you to put her out of her misery.
You play her screams over and over again in your head. Your head. It’s beginning to hurt. Though you try to ignore the pain. The door still hasn’t opened. You estimate it’s been two days since Chrollo left you to rot in the of the home you once loved so much. Chrollo had it all why would he throw it away like that? To ruin your life? Traumatize you? Did he no longer love you? Maybe, just maybe this all a little sick game to Chrollo. He probably found joy in your suffering.
You stopped looking at the door and stared at your legs. Could you still even walk? You were in pain, and you were really hungry.
You heard a creaking sound come from the door. It must have opened. Chrollo came into room with a plate of food and a glass of water.
The fucking nerve.
“Get. The. Hell. Out.” You muttered quietly, but harsh enough for him to hear. You were tired of being quiet you hated being down here, you hated being chained, and you even hated him.
“Darling, maybe you should eat hm?”
Chrollo sat the plate beside your hand. Even in your hungry state you refused the food from him to demonstrate your hatred and sorrow. You looked at it, and threw it on the ground. The glass plate shattering, and food plastering the floor.
Tears started to well at your eyes as you began to cry. Your sobs turned into screams. Chrollo sat beside you and rubbed circles on your lower back.
“There, there my darling it’ll be okay.”
You started to punch at his chest and you even slapped him. This was just your first week in this confinement so Chrollo didn’t get too mad at your behavior.
“Fuck you. I hate you, you crazy motherfuc-.”
Chrollo cut you off by slamming into your lips you didn’t kiss him back instead you bit into his bottom lip hard.
Chrollo didn’t hesitate to push you off of him when he pulled away blood dripped down from his lip as he looked at you in shock. Why the hell would you bite him? You didn’t do this before.
Chrollo backed away, and got off the bed.
“Alright since you failed to eat dinner how about I come back at a later time. Maybe when you have finally got yourself together.
You finally had enough two fucking whole days of bullshit, and pure torture, and he gives you this smart mouth bullshit?
“Y’know what Chrollo fuck you. I’ve been stuck in this filthy fucking basement for two fucking days. And you have the nerve to come and act like you’ve done nothing to me? Rot in hell.”
Chrollo stared at you with no emotion in his expression. Almost like he was starting you down, sizing you up. Why did he find delight in your present state? This is the most emotion you given to him in days. He wants more of it. He could even sense aura coming from you. It was sharp almost like the pressure of the air got lower, and the atmosphere got heavy. Then all of a sudden it stops. Maybe you were no longer angry?
He needs to feel this sensation again. Hell if he has to bring another one of your friends in here for Feitan to torture just for him to see this happen again he will. Maybe he’ll go deeper next time and bring your mother? He never liked that hag anyway.
“Darling be careful what you wish for, and for what you wish on people. For it could double fall back on you.” Chrollo shut the door behind him.
You watched him walk out the door and you huddled back into a ball on your bed and sobbed silently to yourself.
In your once shared bedroom Chrollo was planning. You showed such a strong emotion. He felt your aura without you even trying to show it off. Who knew you could bring your ability to life without even hesitating. He had to get you to feel that emotion again. He needed to feel your aura on his skin again. Though he didn’t show it he wanted to take you right there when you were yelling and crying at him. It made him feel close to being utterly happy?
You didn’t know a thing. All you felt was rage in that moment know all you can feel if restraint. You acknowledged that Chrollo showed no fear to you and that you wouldn’t win against him or even have him give you your freedom.
It was like all of a sudden the world outside was some fantasy realm you wanted to escape too. Maybe to escape your reality. There was no hiding from it, but maybe you could run if you were fast enough. It would take guts and an extra set of balls to even test Chrollo’s patience.
Though he had a lot. Everyone had their limits maybe you could used that to you advantage, and stretch his patience. Although the consequences might be hectic you had no other choice. You didn’t want to rot in this basement for the rest of your life. You had to get out. No matter what it took. No matter who dies. You needed to get away from him.
Chrollo knew your mindset more than you think so you had to be swift. Chrollo was already imagining the things you would probably do to escape. He was mentally and physically prepared. There was only one way out in his case. That was death. Even though that won’t happen to you anytime soon.
He has to train your brain, and get you to feel something again for him to conjure your nen out of the depths of your soul, so he can take it. It would be perfect, amazing almost. You’re giving him what he needs to be even more successful in his “career” that is enough to show him you love him.
And after all of that you can finally settle down and bear his children. Maybe two? A boy and a girl, or a pair of twins should do. Just the slightest smile appeared on Chrollo’s face thinking about it. Y’know what? That reminds him he needs a journal to write all of this stuff down. He couldn’t wait to feel your aura, and see the expression on your face when he finally gets to explain all of this to you.
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i want a love like i’ve seen in the movies, that’s why i’ll never fall in love
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pairing: valgrace (leo valdez x jason grace)
summary: jason is dead. leo writes letters to him to cope.
word count: 418 (oof)
a/n: GUESS WHO FINALLY GOT HER ACT TOGETHER!!!!!! title from ‘like the movies’ by laufey, relates to nothing i just thought it was cute lmao. wrote this at 2am while severely dehydrated and sleep deprived. i did not check, but hopefully the spelling is ok. enjoy!!!!
(dividers by @plutism)
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jason,
you’ll never get this. trust me, i know it. you’re gone.
piper says you wrote letters to me when I was gone. gods, why would you write letters? you’re you were dyslexic, you idiot! i’m barely writing right now. this is hard.
i never found the ones you wrote when we were going through your stuff. i wish i did. maybe it could’ve given me some closure, i guess. i hold on to every part of you i can find. your clothes smell less like you every day. the flowers i put at your grave the first day are starting to wilt. 
i still can’t believe it; we were done, out of the woods.(will has been forcing me to listen to taylor swift to try and cheer me up. it’s torture.) now, you’re gone. what’s the point of anything at this point? nothing feels real. one day, i’ll go to elysium. see you again. hopefully. the judges better grant me that mercy. i’ve lived a shit life. i deserve a happy ending. at least, i think i do.
i would go to a therapist, but… i don’t think that would be good for me right now. too much thinking. i usually try not to think. instead, my therapy is building stuff in bunker nine. i’ve been looking at spheres. they can do so much! i almost lasered off my whole arm the other day and but it’s whatever, you don’t want to hear me ramble right now.
i’m reading more, too. you would always get on me about that. well, fake you, at the wilderness school. you were always so righteous. i guess real you was too busy saving the world to annoy me about my reading habits. anyways, i asked annabeth for recommendations. BAD IDEA. now she’s forcing me to read all the “classics”! it’s a nightmare. but some of them are okay, like jane austen. did you know she was a baddie? because she is. but i was reading the canterville ghost, by oscar wilde. there was one line that made me think, which i don’t do much, clearly.
“death must be so beautiful. to lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. to have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. to forget time, to forget life, to be at peace.”
i know most of this is wrong. they don’t have any silence in elysium! but for what it’s worth, i hope you’re at peace. you deserve that, after everything.
i miss you.
leo
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end note: ANYWAYSSSSSS
i am planning to make a prequel of one of jason’s letters eventually. i rlly hope you liked it! i’ll link it here when it’s done. lmk if you want to be added to the taglist!
GENERAL TAGLIST: @illneverforget365
VALGRACE TAGLIST: n/a
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pollenallergie · 9 months
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what if i… bleached my hair?? and bleached my brows?? and bleached my latina ‘stache?? and bleached my hairy ass arms??? and what if i just dipped my entire body in a vat of bleach??? what then???
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seraphicalsuccubus · 2 months
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doctorsiren · 1 year
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New video tomorrow on my channel! I had an idea yesterday for a short animation, and I finished the sketch layer and decided that I’m gonna post that and then also post the finished version once I do finish it
This is to give me more content but also to help me remember that it’s okay if not everything I post is polished/finished/cleaned (I’m stuck in a really bad mindset when it comes to posting on my YouTube channel and I put a lot of pressure on myself to have clean and polished work, and so I’m trying to feel okay about my videos on there again)
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!ART DUMP!
Been sprucing up m concept art for my continuity and even a bit of shading/lighting techniques✨
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cuteniaarts · 3 months
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Behold, my latest and most enamouring new obsession:
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Malina, Lady of the Chief of the Northern Water Tribe. As if Red Lotus child OCs weren’t niche enough
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#lok malina#still feel like that’s too vague of a tag but I can’t come up with anything better for now#and yeah. she has completely stolen by heart and I don’t know how to feel about that#don’t think I ever was this attracted to my own art before#to be fair the design isn’t mine. it’s very heavily based on something nina drew back in 2021#because I did not have the energy or creativity to come up with my own thing#but the art is all mine and I genuinely adore it. super proud of myself which is a rare occurrence#anyways. kat and I spent three days digging this niche lower and lower and now have a he#*hell of a lot of lore about this basically nonexistent character#for lore about a lady from the North Pole a lot of it is rather hot… to the point my cheeks are burning non stop#I would say I’d let her do anything she wants to me but in my very specific aroace-adjacent case it’s more like#I’d let her tell me to do anything she wants to her#if that makes any sense and I have not completely lost my goddamn mind yet#okay. enough yapping. back to the art itself#lazy background because I suck at those and am not currently attempting to learn them. I’ll probably do that over the summer#about time anyway. my characters have been placed against an off-white background for far. far too long#this is the first piece in just over a year that isn’t tagged with sotrl. which is kinda weird tbh#I’ve been drawing my OCs almost exclusively for nearly 5 years so it is genuinely surprise I’m branching out#*surprising#less branching out and more diving from one hole into another but y’know#anyway. in my personal and very correct opinion she turned out absolutely gorgeous#her servants are way too lucky and unalaq is way too much of an idiot. no offence to vaatu but he could never beat out this#and I also have Kat’s personal and very correct opinion to back up my own. two against the void. once again we’re winning#I wanna draw her a lot more bc she has completely possessed my brain. I just wish character interactions were easier to draw 😭#I’ll figure it out. just need to fight my visualisation issues for a proper idea. brb#okay I’m almost at the tag limit so. in summary:#she 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
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itsokbbygrl · 28 days
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x
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lesbiansanemi · 1 month
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I don’t often think I’m upset at not having a good relationship with my parents but sometimes it really fucking hits me that I don’t have a good mom I don’t have a dad I’ll never experience having a good parent and someone I can lean on like that and I get… really upset
#I have this coworker who is about my mom’s age#I love her and she’s a wonderful person and she’s such a good parent to her kids#her autistic queer kids and she fights for them and defends them all the time#she values their interests and does things they love with them and supports their choices and jusy#ugh#today she gave me a hug because ‘it’s really seemed like I wasn’t doing okay’#and ‘I’ve been dealing with a lot of hard things and big life changes which she knows is really hard’#and I kinda teared up#my own parents don’t even know about everything that has happened with my roommate or the friends I’ve lost this year#I don’t tell them. and I could but it wouldn’t matter#my mother wouldn’t care. she definitely wouldn’t sympathize or give me a hug over it#she wouldn’t comfort me#my dad my try but he lives thousands of miles away#and I love my dad but I didn’t get to know him until I was 17#I don’t think he’s really like… a dad you know?#he’s more like some weird friend or MAYBE an uncle than anything#which is fine! I think it’s really the best we can do and like I said I do love him and I know he loves me#but it’s still… different than a parent you know?#and sometimes I just ache knowing I don’t get parents…#I don’t get that relationship that so many ppl have that’s so important to them#and it just doesn’t feel fair and makes me feel really sad#I’m glad I’m as independent as I am but even that doesn’t feel fair#I’ve lived on my own since I was 17…. I never should have had to do that anyways….#and I just feel sad because I got a hug from my coworker that made me want to sob#because it’s like damn… is this a teeny tiny taste of what having an actual good mom is like?#I missed out on so much….#kaz rambles
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whump-it-like-its-hot · 4 months
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Heading to school now to finalize my decision to retake the year. Set your bets NOW on whether I’ll start crying again, completely shut down and will be unable to speak, or the third, secret option! (Not even I know what the third secret option is yet, but we’ll see!)
#it’s so funny like. this is entirely my decision#I don’t have to retake the year. but if things keep going like this I’m going to crash ceremoniously into a wall by the time#finals come around. so yeah#my parents straightup had no opinion on the matter and I don’t know whether to be glad or upset about that?#because like. yeah sure they didn’t scream or flip their shit. but I don’t want to have to make decisions like that without any#outside perspective yknow#but it’s been like that for years honestly#they’re completely uninvolved in everything I do basically#like my brother in Christ I’ve exclusively used a different name in school for over two years and you literally never noticed#it says my chosen name on all my projects! my assignments! everywhere#honestly I knew I could get away with it because they’d just be completely uninterested in what I do anyway lol#*lol#but. yeah#my portfolio is severely lacking and I can’t just catch that up like that#as I said my mental health is in shambles and our mental health support in this country is even worse off#and I honestly just feel kind of left alone in this decision making shit#like sure I’m an adult! but it’s not like I had much support with my decisions even before I was#no support while making a decision and only judgement after you make the decision#tbf the whole reason I’m so upset about this decision is because it means I’ll have to live at home for another year#I’d be a-okay with taking the rest of the semester off to get myself back on track and then put all I have into retaking the year#but like this I just feel really fucking tired#oops I guess this turned into a little bit of a#vent#sorry oops#delete later
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