#i’ve been lacking motivation to write for the crow but have gotten motivation to write for bucky barnes/marvel soo..

[homiesexuallaj]

Hey guys! I just want to thank all of you guys for reading all my The Crow x readers that i’ve posted over the last months. I know i’ve gotten quite a bit of followers from that, and I really appreciate it! I appreciate all the likes, comments, and reblogs you all left on my stories. And if those of you decide to stick with me while I go off and write about other characters now, that’s great! Thank you for the support i’ve gotten while writing for The Crow! I’ll see you all in the future!!

Of course, all of my The Crow oneshots/x reader’s can be found on my masterlist on my pinned post. This goes for any past and future story of mine as well. Thank you!!

[firelxdykatara]

kitty i can't wait for your thoughts of Shadow and Bone asdfasfaw

Ok well I just finished and I have so many fucking thoughts. Most good! Some, less so. Part of it may just be my bias because I’ve only read the Six of Crows duology and have little interest in actually reading the original trilogy, because I know how it ends and Leigh clearly hates me personally and doesn’t want me to be happy (/j), so I was already predisposed to be far more invested in the Crows and Darkling/Darklina segments (genuinely, the Mal/Malina scenes/storyline bored me to tears, and while I appreciate that the show went out of its way to change Mal’s character to make him much less of a toxic douchebag [I’ve read enough excerpts and explanations of his actions in the books to really loathe book!Malina], it isn’t enough to make me ship them when Darklina is right there), but I also don’t think it’s a stretch to say that the Crows absolutely stole the show.

It’s actually kind of funny, because I’d assumed they were only being so heavily marketed to hype the show up even more, since while there’s a lot of TGT/SoC fandom overlap they are also two fundamentally different genres and I’d wager there are a lot of people who are massive fans of one but not so enthused with the other, while remaining fairly insignificant to the overall plot. Turns out, they make up fully half of the show’s runtime (much to my delight). Which is part of what I think will help this series stand on its own, both as a book adaptation and simply as a fantasy TV series.

I’ll put more of my story-specific thoughts under a cut, so there’s lots of show spoilers to follow!

I know that a lot of early reviewers were saying that Alina’s motivations and storyline revolved too much around Mal, and that really held true for me. It made sense in the beginning--he was the only constant in her life, she was thrust into something new, terrifying, and completely unfamiliar, and they’d developed an unhealthy codependence as a coping mechanism for their childhoods and the traumas they faced, the lives they lead growing up in a war-torn country. But she started coming into her power, falling for the General--not just his power and charisma, but what she felt when she was with him. The way he helped her summon the sun, the way she felt free in a way she never had before.

Until it all went to shit--but the Darklina make-out scene in episode 5? Fucking iconic. Poetic fucking cinema. The way they were quite literally about to have sex on that wartable (and someone better write fic of that moment, what if they hadn’t gotten interrupted), and the General left, but then he ran back just to kiss her one more time... this is what OTPs are made of ok.

I think what really bothers me overall is that Alina ultimately lacked agency in her one storyline, pretty much the entire way through. She did make a few choices, but they were mostly incidental, and a lot of it was Alina desperately trying to get back to Mal rather than seizing her own power and destiny and running with it. The most prominent example is the end of episode 5--Alina is having happy make-outs and almost bones the General in his own war room, and then he leaves, and Baghra comes in and infodumps to her about how evil he is and how he’s only using her and she needs to escape.

I recognize that a lot of this is probably because that’s essentially what happened in the book and Leigh is an executive producer for the show so she has a lot of shot-calling power. However, I really think that even in the book this plotline would’ve been better-served by having Alina make these discoveries on her own.

For example, imagine that the letters which were used as framing devices for episodes 2 and 3 were vitally important to the plot, rather than being one-offs that are mentioned a few times but not really affecting much of anything. Alina begins to get suspicious when she doesn’t receive word from Mal, and she starts wondering if her letters are even reaching him--so she starts snooping. She finds ashes in the war room hearth, late at night,, and recognizes a fragment of Mal’s signature and larger piece of her own. She now knows that someone--possibly the General, but maybe that creepy priest guy, or someone else in the palace--is keeping her and Mal from contacting one another. So she starts snooping around even more. She asks the General leading questions, trying to figure out what the truth is of his intentions. She still feels this pull--this connection to him, and she hopes she’s wrong, but she’s not willing to just sit around and wait for the other shoe to drop.

The Winter Fete still happens, she still gets the hot make-out session with the General, and then when he’s called away, she snoops through his papers, looking for anything that can tell her the truth. She finds a hidden compartment filled with journals.

She reads about Aleksander’s past (and, incidentally, wasn’t that supposed to be a huge moment in the books, him revealing his true name to her in private? kinda wish it had been kept that way in the show but who knows where they’ll go with it in the future)--that leads to the flashbacks in episode 6. She feels for him, but she also reads further--she gets a firsthand look at his desire for power, something that began as a noble desire to save his people, but was twisted by a lust for vengeance (for his lost love and all the Grisha who were killed) and shot through with greed, the realization that if he found the Sun Summoner he could control the Fold, rather than just destroy it. He could create a new world where Grisha could live without fear--where Grisha could rule.

Alina is terrified. Whoever the General used to be--whatever humanity she saw flickering in his eyes, the way his heart fluttered when they kissed--she can’t trust that it’ll be enough to save her from plans centuries in the making. So she goes to Baghra, the woman who helped her discover her power, learn to channel it--the woman who always seemed to know much more than she ever let on. Baghra gives her side of the story--Alina got it from the General’s perspective first, now Baghra is telling her something framed much differently. She isn’t sure what or who to trust, but she knows that Baghra seems willing to help her escape--but rather than trusting her ‘loyal Grisha’, she makes the choice she made in the show, to choose the other path, and winds up with the Crows.

Idk how Mal and the Stag thing would fit into this (if it isn’t obvious by now, Mal just... doesn’t interest me), but Alina’s story and her character arc would be so much stronger for it. And she’s supposed to be the central character, so her story being weak and her agency so frequently being compromised ultimately hurts the show as a whole.

I know I’ve gone on and on about Alina and the Darkling (look, I’m a slut for enemies-to-lovers, and also lovers-to-enemies-and-back, so Darklina and Helnik are where so much of my investment is rooted--plus Kanej, but that almost goes without saying), but the true standouts of the series were the Crows. Inej, Kaz, and Jesper, and Nina and Matthias in their episodes, stole the show (along with the Darkling, Ben is far and away the best actor in the cast and I love that for him, but Freddy, Amita, and Kit are also amazing, and Danielle&Calahan were fucking phenomenal as Nina and Matthias--I do have to say, though, that the whole cast is really solid and has amazing chemistry).

They worked together so perfectly--Freddy and Amita communicated so much with their eyes alone, especially together, and a whole lot of their relationship dynamic is rooted in how they exist together, which really came through. The show altered the Crows timeline considerably (I’m pretty sure Kaz would’ve been 14 during the original trilogy lol), so Inej is still at the Menagerie, but things like Kaz putting up the Crow Club for Inej’s freedom, the way Kaz needed her but could never bring himself to say it (until the end of the season dklhfgdkjfgh i SCREAMED)--the way Jesper played off the both of them, and it’s so obvious they all love each other even though they’re criminals and thieves and murderers, and Kaz would never admit it (out loud--which actually feeds into my theory that his love language is acts of service; Kaz does things for the people he cares about, he never announces it and he will almost always try to downplay it, but the way you know he cares is if, for example, he puts his entire life, everything he built, up as collateral for your freedom), but they’re a family.

One thing that I was kind of iffy about was Inej’s refusal to kill--but I thought it might be something they were planning to work into her overall character arc, and they did. It was the one line she hadn’t crossed--in the books, I’d imagine that it took a while for Inej to wind up at that point, being willing to kill on top of everything else. So I actually like that they worked that into the Crows plotline, and Inej killing for the first time was to save Kaz’s life.

Just like Kaz’s first selfless act was to save her.

(He’d deny it, of course. He protects his investments. He needed her for the job. But the truth is, he did it for her. And he’d do it again. Even if he’d never admit it.)

Meanwhile, Nina and Matthias’ storyline was pretty much note-for-note according to their backstory as it was revealed in Six of Crows, and I loved every second of it. Their chemistry was perfect, their journey from enemies to begrudging allies to friends to maybe something more (Matthias’ stomach cockblocking them when they were about to kiss had me fucking SCREAMING AT THE TV, and then of course the whole ‘betraying him to save him’ thing happened and I sobbed), and then suddenly right back to enemies.

Because from Matthias’ perspective, he trusted a witch--believed in her, liked her, wanted her--and she turned on him. He has no idea that she wasn’t the one who knocked him out in the first place, and no reason to believe her, because as far as he knows, she just confirmed everything he’d ever been told about Grisha. That they are deceitful and treacherous, would turn on you as soon as look at you, that they are dangerous and not to be trusted. It wasn’t revealed in-show but I imagine Matthias’ backstory is largely the same, which means that his entire family was slaughtered by Grisha when he was a young boy, and then he was turned into a brainwashed child soldier by the witch hunters and never knew anything else.

They are perfectly primed for their SoC arc next season and I, for one, am so stoked to see the rest of their journey. And if I slip Netflix a couple twenties, maybe they’ll let Helnik have a happy ending please please please.

Anyway, yeah! I have a lot of thoughts but things are still percolating in my head so I’ll probably float around the tags for a bit and let things settle. This is just a preliminary overview of my thoughts in the immediate aftermath of bingeing the entire show in one night kldfjghdkjfhgkjgf

EDIT TO ADD: I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT THE TRUE STAR OF THE SHOW, M I L O

MILO BEST BOY. MILO THE MVP. MILO DESERVES ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORLD AND I HOPE HE LIVES A HAPPY AND HEALTHY AND FULL LITTLE GOAT LIFE.

[skekzok-the-ritual-master]

Out Of Character Questions

ROLEPLAYER GET TO KNOW YOU PROMPT

Tagged by: @hedonistschambers

Tagging: @ask-skeksa-the-mariner, @allpowerfulemperor, @asktheornamentalist, @askurva-thearcher, and anyone else who wants to :)

OOC About Your Character(s)

1.     What do you want to get out of playing this character(s)?

I used to RP on Tumblr a lot in the Megamind fandom, and seeing other Dark Crystal RPers on here made me want to try getting back into RP a little. Since I don’t have any Dark Crystal OCs who lend themselves well to RP, I decided to go with a canon character, and skekZok was a prominent one who hadn’t gotten a blog yet. I’ve always liked looking at characters and thinking about what makes them tick, so this gives me a fun chance to do that for him.  

2.     Describe your character(s) with three words.

Cultured | Sadistic | Hypocritical 

3.     What made you decide to write this muse?

I’d been following the blogs of a few other Skeksis RPers, and the absence of Zok had been remarked on. Since he’s one of my favorites, I decided to make a blog for him and join in the fun.

4.     If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

That’s a tough one, because Zok really doesn’t suffer that much in canon compared to other characters. I might stop ZokZah from trying to burn out part of his soul, but skekZok wouldn’t exist and there wouldn’t be much of a story if I did that. (If we include the JM Lee novels, I’d change it so he doesn’t throw skekSa under the bus.)

5.     If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

“Don’t stab the blonde Gelfling girl. It won’t prevent the prophecy, and she’ll just come back to life anyway.”

6.     If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

I’d love to see his reaction to a Swiss Army knife.

7.     If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

I’m not sure how positive this is, but I’d take away his ability to believe his own lies. It would be interesting to see how he tries to juggle all the conflicting rules and stories he’s come up with over the centuries. 

8.     If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?

His talent for speaking in public. I wish I could command an audience like he does.

9.     Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

Considering the kind of things that tend to make Zok happy? Maybe. As for what would make him happiest, he believes it would be achieving immortality and remaining one of the highest-ranked of the court and having skekSa as his permanent mate, but that still won’t heal the spiritual emptiness inside him. Much as I enjoy Zok and Zah as separate beings, I do think reunification was the best thing for them. If he and SaSan could have been together after that, that would have been even better.

10. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

I don’t mind angst in small doses, as long as I plot it out with the other player(s) beforehand and we agree how it will turn out in the end. Zok doesn’t lend himself easily to angst, but losing his place in the court hierarchy or having one of his allies turn on him would do it. He’s also come to genuinely believe the mythology he’s invented over the centuries -- anything that seriously challenged that worldview would be hard for him to deal with. 

11. What do you love about your muse?

A lot of things. His charisma, his striking blue eyes, the way his voice is deeper and smoother than most of the other Skeksis, how over-the-top his gold outfit is, how he’s so attached to his headdress that he doesn’t even take it off in the spa, how unrepentantly creepy and sadistic he is -- he’s a very enjoyable character, even if he is a horrible birb.

12. What do you hate about your muse?

He's not an easy character to have interact with everyone. He can pretend to be nice when it suits him, and he’s not totally incapable of caring about people, but he’s still nasty enough that I can tell in advance a lot of interactions wouldn’t go well. 

13. What about your muse amuses you?

The contrast between the austere image he tries to keep up, and how frazzled he gets when something upsets that image (”MY CARRIAGE!”). Also when he gets sarcastic or looks down on the others when they act in a less-than-civilized way. 

14. What about your muse makes you sad?

All the people he’s hurt, and how unwilling he is to see that his way of life isn’t sustainable and won’t truly make him happy in the end.

15. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

“This guy is a creep, but he believes in good manners. Tread lightly, and you should be okay.”

16. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

LOL no. He’s an awful person who is best left in the realm of fiction.

17. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I like to think I’m a much nicer person than he is. I can be blunt and a bit of a troll sometimes, but I really don’t like hurting anyone, or trying to force people to do stuff they don’t like. As for Zok, he’s much more confident and well-spoken than I am, and he’s had the determination to stick with one job for a thousand years. 

18. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

We’re both interested in culture, myth, and history, and feel better when we can assign some order to the world around us. 

19. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

As I see it, the core of Zok’s character is that he wants to bring order to the world; that’s why his job title is ‘Ritual Master’ rather than ‘High Priest’ or something more overtly religious. If he can’t see an obvious reason why things are the way they are, he’ll invent one that makes sense to him (and serves his needs). 

I think this is what Zok sees as his most important trait too -- in his mind, he took a bunch of feral newborn creatures who (by all rights) were never meant to have existed in the first place, and helped turn them into a civilized, godlike people who rule an entire planet. But that feral nature is always under the surface, and they still need ritual and order (and yes, punishment) to keep it in check. 

20. Has your character(s) changed over the time that you have been playing them? How have they changed?

I haven’t been playing Zok for very long, but I’ve recently had a chance to write how he feels about deeper questions, like what it would mean for Skeksis to have children, and what happens to Skeksis and urRu souls after they die. I think it’s made him a bit more three-dimensional. 

About You!

1.     What is your name?

Kate, a.k.a. Crow or Lady Stormcrow

2.     What is your profession?

Social worker, currently working in substance abuse treatment.

3.     What do you do to relax?

Watch favorite TV shows, play video games, listen to music, hang out outdoors, chat online. 

4.     What is your favorite treat (desert)?

I have a big weakness for flan and other custard desserts. Also caramel.

5.     Favorite movie

Amadeus (1984).

6.     Favorite book

Good Omens (and yes I loved the series too). 

7.     Favorite vacation spot

Grand Cayman. We were supposed to visit again this spring, but COVID happened.

8.     Favorite Disney movie

I’m not sure I have one favorite, but I love Fantasia and The Rescuers.

9.     How did you first get into role playing?

Almost 20 years ago, lol. When I first started going online in high school, I made an online friend ( @ksclaw ) who introduced me to the concept. We played interactions with our SWAT Kats fan characters, and she helped me get the hang of it.

10. What was your first platform? If it was something other than Tumblr, what made you get into Tumblr?

It was Livejournal. I discovered Tumblr in late 2011 after my friends in the Megamind fandom introduced me to it, and most of us migrated here from our old LJ community. I loved being able to reblog whatever struck my fancy, and while my interest has waxed and waned, as you can see I’m still here.

11. What’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

I like to think I have pretty good grammar. I know I’m guilty of run-on sentences, though, and I overuse ellipses and mix up ; and -- far too much. 

12. Are there any languages besides English in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

Not really. I can speak and understand a little Spanish and French, but not enough to write anything meaningful, and I’m wary of translation software for anything beyond a short sentence. Sorry!

13. Do you listen to music while your write?

Sometimes. Usually not when I’m doing the actual writing (that’s distracting, and I like to hear the words in my head), but I’ll listen to it beforehand to get myself in a mood or get some inspiration.

14. Are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

Late morning after I’ve had my coffee is usually my best time. Unfortunately I’m usually at work during that time, but on slow days and weekends I try to take advantage of it.

15. How does tiredness affect your writing?

It turns me into a zombie who can dream but cannot actually write.

16. What is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

Lack of motivation. I daydream and imagine stuff easily enough, but putting it down into writing is much harder, especially when I’m braindead from work.

17. How many drafts is a paralyzing amount?

More than 5 is daunting, though fortunately Zok hasn’t gotten that many yet.

18. Is there anything character-wise or writing style-wise that you can’t stand?

Players who are unwilling to have their characters be in the wrong, or who get upset if my character doesn’t react the way they wanted. Not all interactions are going to be smooth and happy, and I’m fine with that. Your character is not you, just like mine is not me.

19. What kind of anonymous questions are your favorite?

Weird ones. I like having my muses react to them.

20. What is your weakest point in writing? Angst, fluff, dialogue, etc.?

Fluff is kind of tricky. I don’t have trouble imagining it, but I get paralyzed thinking “this is too indulgent, I shouldn’t publish it, no one but me will like it, etc.” Maybe that’s part of why Zok appeals to me, because he’s not the fluffy type. 

[ribbonsed]

To Build A Home: An Ode To A Certain Enigmatic Crow

Disclaimer: Okay before proceeding, please note several of these things:

These are merely my headcanon, being my headcanon, these are how I view Lin’s actions for this season.  THIS IS SO MESSY OK I'm so sorry for any of you bothered to read this mess, I'm not a writer I'm dying I love Thunderbolt Fantasy so much;

I’m an annoying Lin Xue Ya stan and apologist first and foremost, and needless to say that this headcanon will be heavily centered on him. I do love and attached to ALL characters and puppets on Thunderbolt Fantasy, and I would gladly write for every single of them if only my knowledge, my time and my creativity reservoir would allow me write any worthy piece for them. But I can’t help to get this out of my head, and for now, this will do for Lin;

I can’t help but notice Lin’s actions especially during the course of Season Two, especially his breakdown after failing to trap Xiao Kuang Juan’s prompted me to write this. So, the start point of this headcanon will be from there. Also, I’m beginning to start building this headcanon in the middle of watching Season Two, and I start writing this after Episode 11 Season 2 and added a little bit after watching Episode 12. So I might be going a little back and forth with the timeline so please do bear with me;

I can't speak nor I can read Chinese/Mandarin and Japanese. Thus, I can't understand Thunderbolt Fantasy on its original language, so, all materials I use for reference on this headcanon will be based on from translated materials in English (the show, the movie, the manga, wikipedias, news articles, etc.) and I apologize if there are mistake on from my understanding of translated material (whether is it because of my lack knowledge or because of mistranslation or just misinformation altogether, let me apologize first here);

trigger warning: mild curse words (lmao I can't be civil);

tldr: Lin Xue Ya is getting way way more softer in Season Two compared to previous materials (The Movie, Season One) and here is my take on why is a certain Wandering Tired Man Way Too Soft and Too Good For This World is responsible for that

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Lin's visible foul mood over Xiao Kuang Juan outsmarting him by refusing to go back to Xi You over the course of Episode 11 Season 2 doesn't make all that much sense to me on first glance. Why? Because no matter how hard I think about it, it just doesn't make sense that Lin would get 'that' mad just because Xiao refusing to go back to Xi You. I mean yeah, Lin got the taste of humilation and defeat on Season 1 finale at Mie Tian Hai's hand where the latter literally killed himself and broke Tengyouken, depriving Lin of tasting his complete, successful scheme of stealing Mie Tian Hai's pride. That's where we saw Lin Xue Ya, the notorious Enigmatic Gale, for the first time ever, truly losing his composure and his vulnerable, emotional side breaking through an ice-cold, unpenetrable facade he has been keeping for the whole course of Season 1.

So, this is where it got tricky to me. Does Lin Xue Ya really learn nothing at all from his whole fiasco with Mie Tian Hai? Does Lin Xue Ya, is really so above himself that he flat out refuses to use his defeat on Mie Tian Hai as a lesson learned to avoid him the same mistake on near future? Does Lin Xue Ya, the infamous, great thief and trickster across Dong Li did NOT, even consider, just freaking once, of the possibility of Xiao Kuang Juan, a high-ranking, corrupt, shady, military official that is powerful enough to cross The Wasteland of Spirit, making a choice that would thwarted his plan over? Wouldn't a great, high-functioning schemer like Lin Xue Ya know first thing first that things would not always go like the plan, that there is always a possibility after a possibility, a single stone that could overturn the flow of the river. Why is the emo breakdown, Lin?

This is also highlighted by the fact that, unlike Mie Tian Hai who straight up killed himself, making Lin stripped of another chance at fucking him over again, Xiao Kuang Juan is literally, still alive. Dude is literally still out there, alive, breathing, running amok. Wouldn't a calm, reasonable, level-headed choice here would be playing along with Xiao newfound plan of starting over in Dong Li, let him do whatever he pleases, then strikes him, humiliate him when another opportunity strikes. Doesn't Lin also has upper hand with this would-be scenario, since The Enigmatic Gale knows Dong Li inside out like the back of his own hand. So, why not wait, Lin? Why not let Xiao slip this time, giving him the illusion of how easy to escape persecution of his own crime and to start anew, to crush him later when the time is prime. Are you really that upset, that your plan got thwarted so easily, Lin? Are you? Why the rush, Lin?

Another comparation to Mie Tian Hai case, where Lin waited until the very last, opportune moment, to confirm it himself clear that Mie Tian Hai utmost pride was his sword skill, and him collecting fancy powerful holy sword is because he wants swords worthy enough for his skill. Doesn't it indirectly implies that the whole cave scene of Episode 11 Season 2 basically Xiao Kuang Juan confirming it himself that his pride does not lie with his wealth, status, nor title back in Xi You? Xiao Kuang Juan flat-out admitted in Episode 11, that he is glad he is still in Dong Li where his stolen goods is currently being exposed on Xi You now, that he is glad that his head is even still intact and attached to his body right now. Interesting part of their whole conversation in the cave excerpted here:

Xiao Kuang Juan   : Whatever, it doesn't matter. If anything, it's a relief. If I've lost all my prestige and authority, I at least don't have to act like a pompous jackass anymore. I can take things easy from here on out.

Lin Xue Ya                : What's gotten into you? Are you feeling alright, Sir Fugitive Hunter?

Xiao Kuang Juan   : When you deal in dangerous and dirty deeds, you've gotta know when to give it up. Sure, I was hoping I could score enough loot for early retirement first. But, whenever you make the long, risky gamble, you've gotta realize that one wrong play, and you'll end up going bust. If anything, I'm just glad my head's still attached to my shoulders.

Wouldn't his very confession infers that, Xiao Kuang Juan treasures his own life, his own survival, no matter how wretched his soul is, how many life he stole, how many wealth he embezzled, more than anything else? So, if Lin's initial goal of sending Xiao Kuang Juan back to Xi You along with his corrupt deeds failed because he mistakenly certain that man's pride lies within his boastful honor and titles in Xi You Imperial Army, wouldn't The Hunting Fox confession on that cave just confirms that Lin is just mistaken about his pride all along? So, why the big fuss, Lin? Didn't you also made the effort to swap Tengyouken's part in Season 1, because you were still uncertain about Mie Tian Hai's utmost pride, while also keep patiently waiting until the very last minute to confirm Mie Tian Hai's actual pride---his sword skill--not him merely wanting to posses Tengyouken.  So, Xiao Kuang Juan  just revealed his utter, most, prized possesion on his life, his own life. Wouldn't it be a simple matter for you to rework your strategy and concoct another plan for Xiao, Lin?  Don't you seek amusement and thrill out of outsmarting the most corrupt and wretched individual, Lin? So, isn't Xiao Kuang Juan---a shameless, corrupt official banished from his original country, trying to rebuild his life in a foreign land---, just the perfect target to occupy your time, Lin?  

That is, if Lin Xue Ya end goal is solely to humiliate Xiao Kuang Juan, as per Lin usual motive with his scheme. So, what makes this job is not Lin Xue ya usual scheme? This is where Shang Bu Huan, Lang Wu Yao, and the whole Sword Index feud comes into play. What if Lin started to play Xiao on the first place, because he, genuinely wanted to help Shang? Yes, Lin triggered the whole plot of Season 2 by spreading the word of Shang Bu Huan's heroic deeds against Mie Tian Hai, and that's how hordes of Xi You people came crossing The Wasteland of Spirit in pursuit of Shang and The Sword Index. But what if, that was Lin way of trying to help and repay Shang? By inviting people who has been against Shang Bu Huan this whole time, to his dominion, Dong Li, and play them here, where he arguably has the upper hand to his familiarity with the country.

Even if Lin, still, intentionally invited Xiao Kuang Juan to Dong Li himself, Lin's whole trap for Xiao is set up specifically to be resulting in the infamous fugitive hunter getting back into Xi You, humiliated with his stolen goods and corrupt deeds exposed in front of Royal Army. Xiao Kuang Juan back in Xi You, his corrupt deeds exposed and facing Imperial Court punishment kills two birds one stone. It clears Shang the additional trouble of getting chased by Xiao in Dong Li when he is already busy enough protecting his Sword Index and trying to contain Seven Blasphemous Death, and maybe, Xiao crooked dealings getting punished would also exposes other Xi You corrupt military doing and would be a start of getting Shang's name cleared, even if it's for just bit by bit, and even if Shang himself cares not about clearing his name back in Xi You. Lin is going out of his way to make sure his (initial) endgame plan for Xiao Kuang Juan benefits Shang Bu Huan.

Lin greatly implies during his two pool scene with Shang (where he was fishing) that all he has been doing on Season 2 is for Shang's sake. He stated explicitly, from their 'first' Pool Scene, on Episode 7, with excerpt from said scene goes like this:

Lin Xue Ya           : I want to propose a mutually benefical deal regarding something    else, actually. I'd like you to tell me about Xiao Kuang Juan. His accomplishments, insight into his character, past conflicts between the two of you... anything will do. It will be information that will go into the calculations of my next scheme.

Shang Bu Huan : And then, you're gonna screw him over for the fun of it, huh?

Lin Xue Ya           : Exactly! He is your enemy, isn't he? I can't imagine you'd have any reason to show him sympathy.

Shang Bu Huan : Yeah, I wouldn't shed any tears over him getting his. He's earned everything you've got cooked up for him. That doesn't mean I have to go help you with your fun, though.

Lin Xue Ya          : I had thought that my sabotage of his efforts would be benefical to you.

Shang Bu Huan : That guy's free to dig his own grave. I just don't wanna sneak up behind him and kick him into it. Feeling guilty about it later might spoil a meal.

(Note: I would like to note that Shang Bu Huan's and Lin Xue Ya pool scenes on this season are very important to me (as a viewer, and yes, as a shipper) because in my opinion it holds a significant purpose as running symbolism to testament  their relationship and character growth, and I might be go back and refers The Pool Scenes many times later).

So, when Xiao Kuang Juan refuses to fall into Lin's sweetly prepared trap, and instead choosing to reside in Dong Li and build his new way into crime, Lin goes frenzy, because Xiao retaliates in one of the worst way possible that goes against Lin's initial goal of fucking him over in the first place. Xiao Kuang Juan residing in Dong Li, Night of Mourning on his hand, building his new band of thugs would mean that: (1) his past crimes committed during his time in Xi You goes unpunished because he doesn't return there and it would be impossible to indict him; (2) Shang Bu Huan reputation in Xi You is still in murky water; (3) it adds to the trouble they already facing on top of the imminent danger Lou Zhen Jie---powerfully wielding Seven Blasphemous Death making his way across Dong Li holy sword shrines---, and who knows how dangerous Xiao could get knowing how resilient and how little he regards others life and how he would not mind making innocent civilians as his victim.

Lin's mistakenly judge Xiao Kuang Juan's pride over his honor and titles, when actually Xiao is so shameless, he is happy just to be alive after his corrupt scheme on the Imperial Army exposed. Not only Lin unintentionally humiliate himself by misjudging his foe true nature, he also completely fucks over his supposed one job. During the second Pool Scene on Episode 10, Lin boasted to Shang that his plan is ripe to take Xiao Kuang Juan down. But, how is the reality, our sweet dear thief? Nope, it ain't working out. Killing Xiao Kuang Juan right there and taking his life as his life is most precious to him right now is arguably the most efficient way of stopping him, but it also goes against Lin's principle of spilling unnecessary blood and drawing Yan Zhue unless it is most necessary. On the other hand, waiting for Xiao Kuang Juan to thrive with his plan and destroy him when the opportunity arises also takes way way too much time, because after the whole event of Season Two unfolds, and underneath Lin needing to get his share of getting high over fucking Xiao Kuang Juan over, Lin realizes a little too late that what needed most is for said Fugitive Hunter, to get away from Dong Li, as far as possible from Shang.

For the first time ever, Lin Xue Ya finally feels it how devastating it feels to fail in something you proudly prides yourself with when it's directly involves the well-being of someone you care about (re: Shang Bu Huan, and also arguably, yes, to Lang, also--because despite how hostile their interaction on Episode 4 and 5 seems, deep down Lin respects Lang as someone who used to be Shang's partner in Xi Yo) For the first time ever, Lin feels... for lack of better word, useless. Lin prides himself so much as master manipulator, more so than his carefully hidden yet unbelievable gift as swordsman--, but when the occasion calls for it, he failed. He said it so himself during his fight with Mie Tian Hai that he shied away from swordmanship because it would straight up send him down into villainy path, and that's the reason Lin resorts to trickery and manipulation instead, BUT when the the time needed for him to be, he failed manage to use his trickery to protect the people he cared about.

Of course when talking about Lin Xue Ya, one can not simply throw terms like 'endearment', 'affection', and 'care' around. We clearly see throughout the course of Thunderbolt Fantasy timeline, depicted effortlessly throughout The Movie, Season One, and also side material like the novel and the manga, how Lin seemed to completely show no remorse over fucking up Sha Wu Sheng, Xing Hai, getting Shou Yun Xiao killed with his so called expedition against Mie Tian Hai. But, as we also see from the event of Season One, and expanded in the manga itself, when Lin was shown visibly quite somber after he saw his master brutally killed, partly also because of him, because he toyed with Sha Wu Sheng and that karma comes back to bite him in the ass by taking his master away. The manga even goes in length to show how he kindly asked the group to help him bury his master body.

Season 2 had that scene where he objected Xiao Kuang Juan method of slaughtering innocent townfolks during his confrontation against Xie Yingluo. Albeit, yes, Lin arrived way too fashionably late to prevent the slaughter of the people controlled by Night of Mourning on the hand of Xiao Kuang Juan, but my stance is that he is also against taking the lives of people who do not actively take up arms. Heck, dude even did not straight up kill Mie Tian Hai and pulled his blade away before Mie Tian Hai's neck. I think it is safe to say that Lin, is against killing. My point is that, (also as I said in the disclaimer before, this is coming from huuuuuuge annoying Lin Xue Ya stan/apologist so yeah hahahahahahaha) yes, Lin is capable of feeling emotion despite it is his trade to get high off his target misery. He is capable of feeling affection and adoration toward other people, albeit said people receiving his admiration maybe is so very easily to count with fingers. The question is, how does our dear thief fare when it comes to building trust and relationship with other people?

This is where Shang Bu Huan comes into the equation. Lin explicitly stated by the end of Season One that Shang is so fascinating to him, that keeping him around will most likely to draw the most wicked, the trashiest people for him to toy around. Are we sure this is Lin's only motivation for triggering the event of Season Two by posing as that jester, spreading the word of Shang Bu Huan's heroic deeds? Are we sure, there is nothing more, to Lin Xue Ya actions throughout Season Two, especially in relation to the man that is Shang Bu Huan? Why did Lin managed to meticulously showed up at Certain Dong Li Government Office, right where Xiao Kuang Juan popped up first thing first he arrived at Dong Li, complete with a whole fake identity he already secured before? Why did Lin, even amidst 'entertaining' Xiao Kuang Juan during the first three episodes of Season Two, also bothered to track Shang down and cured him out of his ailment from Xie Yingluo deadly, first-rate poison?

My personal answer is that, Lin Xue Ya, is, attempting to build a healthy, trustful relationship with Shang Bu Huan (note at ATTEMPTING, because as much as I like this trashy garbage snow bird puppet as a character I acknowledge his messy ass personality and his questionably ability /so far/ to keep healthy functional relationship like most of normal people). Yes, he is, attempting to build a healthy, trustful relationship with Shang Bu Huan, as two people, who despite their complete utmost difference, acknowledge each other strong and weak side, trust each other, and help each other during needed times.

Why Shang Bu Huan?

Despite his motor mouth and Shang constant no-nonsense attitude toward Lin's antics, he really never ask him to... change. He asked why Lin is the way he is, during Season One, and Lin answered with smart ass, sassy, "Do you really want to know because I could go on length here but do you have the time for that", but Shang, never ask Lin to change.

Shang, the guy who is so against taking the live of another person, who intentionally tires himself using a battle technique that drains his qi, who believes every single person, even the most villainous ones, deserves a second chance and that they are capable of change and transformation. But Shang saw Lin, this shady ass dude, who intentionally plunged him into a dangerous journey against evil dark dude along with several other evil dudes, saw with his own two eyes that said shady ass dude fucked up real bad by dooming an entire country to a giant praying mantis eldrich abomination, proceeded to clean up said dude mess, left off wishing he would never have to meet said shady guy again, only for said shady guy to spread his rumor and whereabouts to and Shang reaction basically could be summed up as something along the line of "Man, you are really fucked up man... But, but... But whatever!".

Because Shang, deep down, despite always raising his eyebrows and we, as viewer, could personally hear him whispered softly "What the fuck" at every single Lin's Options in Life, he acknowledges and sees Lin's redeeming qualities under his lying, manipulating ass. That, Lin Xue Ya is Lin Xue Ya. And Shang knows, that deep down, there is part of him that is also intrigued by Lin despite another part of him (initially) repulsed by Lin's way of scamming. But Shang could not help but admit that Lin's method works most of the time, especially against big time villains since they share common principle against unnecessary killing. A whole, interesting mix of fascination, repulse, but the fascination part always outweigh the repulsed part, and by the end of Season 2,  I dare say that the repulsed part for Lin Xue Ya's antics on Shang would be completely gone.

The fascination goes both way of course, but in Lin's part, there is nothing in Shang that repulses him, only endless fascination and surprise. Shang is far from the definition of a 'villain' or a 'bad guy', he does not seeks destruction, really, just a humble, wandering, a slightly bit old (the 4-koma comic had me rolling) but really powerful guy who happens to possess three dozens of stolen mythical swords. But no! It's okay, there is nothing bad, he is not going to use those swords for Evil, he just want to keep them safe out of bad people who will use them wrongly. At first glance, there should be nothing in Shang that should fascinate him, right? Dude is so chill, laidback, and berates his antics more than anything. But Shang just keep surprising him over and over again. As flat-out admitted by Lin himself on Episode 4 Season Two:

Shang Bu Huan : And who the hell is my friend in this equation?

Lin Xue Ya          : Ah, a good question. Does a friend lend their aid because they're a friend? Or does someone become a friend once they've lent their aid? Sorting out the course of events can be a bit like solving a riddle.

And still on the same episode, but different scene with different character asking him the question;:

Ling Ya                : Hey man, why do you care so much about Shang, anyway?

Lin Xue Ya          : I'd say my interest begins and ends with how much fun he is. Come now, spare me the probing looks. This is no lie or exaggeration. Amusement is the solitary motivating force in my life. You could call it my very reason for living.

Upon knowing and seeing it firsthand Lin's usual dealing yes, Shang may be disgusted, but does Shang completely cut his ties off with Lin? No. For as much as Lin spreading mischief, intentionally spreading Shang's tale of taking down Mie Tian Hai and his horde of Black Demon Force, Shang just casually find him, pop up, give him several sigh and that's that.

Lin feels acknowledged by Shang. Lin feels acknowledged by Shang not asking him to change. And Lin feels appreciated. Yes, he feels appreciated because to him, Shang is easily categorized under his decent dude on his list of relation, and by Lin's standard to the people he kept company so far, Shang is basically a hero. A good guy. And for such upright guy to not immediately fend him off despite knowing his trickery? So, for the rare instance on his life, Lin decided to do something he just knows he is highkey sucks at doing, and that is, yes, building a trustful, healthy relationship with Shang Bu Huan.

Speaking of pursuing a healthy, mutual trust, this where Lin Xue Ya failed to do on his past relationship with Sha Wu Sheng. See, Sha Wu Sheng, for as merciless and as skillful a warrior he was, he also managed to peer underneath the facade Lin kept. Sha Wu Sheng wanted and planned to still be Lin's bodyguard even after he gained Sword Saint title, prolly out of his pity seeing how lonely Lin is, underneath all that. However, Lin's instinct and thirst for mischief outweighed his subconscious that sees Sha Wu Sheng's sincere, genuine attempt at starting a new life free from killing and Sha Wu Sheng's gesture of reaching out to him. Instead, Lin one-sidedly decide it himself that Sha Wu Sheng talent is too good to waste on building a sword school and set the ploy of what would be The Sword Saint Tournament.

By doing this to Sha, Lin Xue Ya not only ended up depriving Sha Wu Sheng of his what-could-have been life, but also his future and plunges him into his suicidal mission that makes Sha looking for an enemy stronger than him and him ending up dying on Mie Tian Hai's hand. Since Sha Wu Sheng arc is beautifully crafted onto the timeline that spans from The Movie first half into Season One, where Shang is present halfway, this could infer that maybe, Lin deep down regretted over what happened to Sha Wu Sheng so much and this too, could also goes into part of Lin's decision to keep an open, honest relationship with Shang ('honest' by Lin Xue Ya's standard, by all means) over the end of Season One and into Season Two.

This goes into the part that the whole event of Season Two was Lin trying to help Shang, albeit yes, it's still done on Lin's fucked up, round about way that ends up getting way more people hurt and killed than necessary. But his underlying motive is purely to help Shang Bu Huan. Yes, Lin might be hoping to secure a good prey along the way, but his whole priority is still Shang and his attempt to make Shang believe in him, that he, too, capable of forming a meaningful, trustful, healthy, relationship. No tricks, no ploy.  

By finally encouraging himself to build a healthy relationship with someone else that involves no trickery and lies (no trick and lies on 'most' part, remember that we are talking about Lin Xue Ya here, little lies here and ther counts as a honesty with him considering his usual trade), Lin is also, inevitably and unconsciously making himself more vulnerable emotionally, in a good way. I always felt that the way Lin's puppeteer making him move on Season Two and the way the directing is shot during his scene is way, way more extra compared to Season One and The Movie. I initially guessed that this is maybe because the cat is out of the bag, that Lin Xue Ya is Enigmatic Gale, a notorious, infamous thief across Dong Li for his scheme, compared to Season One where his reveal was held off until the good last quarter of the season. That's why Lin's movement and mannerism is more subdued in Season One, especially on the first three quarters, in order to avoid spoiling way too much into his true nature and reveal.

But now that we've got to Episode 11, with his whole emotional fit over Xiao refusing to go back to Xi You (he has emotional breakdown in front of two people, one being his supposed victim, Xiao Kuang Juan and the other one being Lang Wu Yao), to me this opens the interpretation that the dramatic, over the top puppeteering, writing, and directing style for Lin Xue Ya this season is intentionally on the showrunners part as a way of telling us how soft he has become. Lin Xue Ya is far, far more, expressful this season due to him more open of letting his guard down and expresses himself more emotionally. It's as if, in Season One and The Movie (I refer to the first part of the movie only, when we saw Lin and Sha Wu Sheng story, and not including the second part of the movie where he goes around as a jester spreading Shang's telltale), there is a dark, black cloth that Lin is purposely putting up between himself and us viewer. We could never see him past beyond the dark cloth, and the only way for us to see him is when he intentionally puts himself in front of the dark cloth and show us what's he doing. But beyond that, nothing. Compared to the dark cloth, the Season Two Lin forgoes the dark cloth completely, and instead replaces them with a kind of white mesh fabric, that is sheer and see-through. Despite the fabric still conceals his true doing, but with the mesh fabric we could guess his movement through his silhouette.

Going back to Lin's whole motivation of Season Two in helping Shang, this is also why Lin hurried his ass to save Lang Wu Yao and Ling Ya from Lou Zhen Jie and Seven Blasphemous Death after he failed his plan to send Xiao back to Dong Li. He sure nonchalantly dodged Ling Ya question and stated that he merely just passed by and the sight of someone chuckling so proudly just after his humiliation on Xiao Kuang Juan's hand is so irritating to him he want to turn said person into his pet food. But, is it all that there is to it, Lin?

I already mentioned briefly how expertly Lin's handling his whole cover during the first three episodes of Season Two. While he was pretending to be a government envoy, humoring Xiao Kuang Juan spreading lies about Shang being absurdly evil individual about to threaten Dong Li, Lin also managed to keep track on Shang and Lang's whereabout. When he knew that Shang and Lang are at disadvantage due to Xie Yingluo poison, Lin quickly hurried off and tracked them to their hideout, all the while covering up Lang's previous track, and putting up off new, fake tracks meant to throw Xiao Kuang Juan. Our resident Thief then proceed to find Shang, diagnoses his poison, and together with Lang managed to find the antidote for Scorpion Princess best poison all the while still keeping his cover as a government envoy in front of Xiao Kuang Juan.

Based from these events, it would not be far too much of a stretch to guess that Lin is actively keeping track of Shang and Lang's whereabout during the course of Season Two. So, assuming Lin keeping track of Lang's whereabout, sensing that Lang was in danger, up against Lou Zhen Jie, a proficient man wielding a notorious demon sword, Lin goes and proceed to save him. Why, Lin? Isn't he the man who is not hesitant to pull his sword attacking him you back when you guys in the middle of Wasteland of Spirit, procuring dragon's horn together? I know you hate seeing unnecessary bloodshed, but you never strikes me as the type who would go in such active way into saving people, Lin. Were you not in the middle of your mental breakdown, Lin Xue Ya?

Plot-wise, it would be to heartless and maybe, a tad anticlimatic just to let Lou Zhen Jie finishes off Lang right then without Lin interfering. But also, if we track back to the second Shang and Lin's pool scene, during Episode 10, and if we put the context of Episode 10 and Episode 11 weaven together, it makes it clear that the whole pond scene was Shang entrusting Lin with... his best buddy, Lang's safety, because Shang is about to went away to meet Juan Can Yun. Shang Bu Huan knew a psychopatic nihilistic monk is running amok with a freaking demon sword that enchants and drains life-force from people. As much as Shang have faith on Lang's ability as a warrior, Shang also desperately wants Lang to be alive, safe and sound, from the mess he created and Lang had nothing to do on the first place, and Shang wanted some kind of an insurance--fail proof way to ensure Lang safe no matter what. So, he asked Lin Xue Ya for help. He asked Lin Xue Ya for help, he entrust Lin Xue Ya to help him keep his dearest friend, alive. It might not be explicitly stated, but;

Lin Xue Ya          : Urgent and distant business, then?

Shang Bu Huan : You could say that. I'm gonna try and get back as soon as possible, so until I do, try not to make things even worse, all right?

This is the freaking Shang Bu Huan, who knows Lin's track record and also Lin's tendency to  fuck things up just for the sake of fucking things up and experienced it first hand. So, he asked Lin Xue Ya, specifically, to keep everything under control until he gets back pawning The Sword Index off to Juan Can Yun. This is, a big deal, because when in the beginning of Season Two, Shang vehemently refused Lang's idea to call someone for help (which is, in this case, incidentally said person on Shang mind happens to be Lin) until Lin showed up himself at his doorstep and forced his way to cure Shang, and now, several episodes later, Shang, specifically asked Lin for help. This means so much, because in a way, this is Shang's way of reciprocating and acknowledging Lin's attempt to be a better version of himself. Shang sees Lin's effort, and he acknowledges it.

And... AND... LIN KEPT HIS WORDS !!!!!! THIS THIEF FUCKERY VAPING WIZARD IS KEEPING HIS PROMISE!!! Even though Lin, partly on his fault, lowkey already fucked things up by failing to send Xiao away back to Xi You, but he managed to save Lang from great peril, and this is of course, the better deal. Lin's honoring Shang's request, even though he admitted himself that he has some kind incompatibility with Lang, shows how Lin respects both Shang Bu Huan, and even, to some degree, to Lang. Lin understands and accepts that Lang, is a part of Shang's life, and needless to say that Shang would be broken if anything ever happens to him.

Instead of succumbing into a dark desire lurking somewhere within his unconsciousness to toy with Lang's life (and given he context of Season Two, if Lin plays Lang then he would indirectly toy with Shang’s too), Lin represses that urge and strive to work with Lang instead, not just once, but twice. It could be also that Lang has nothing that Lin would ever want, and that Lang is not Lin's target and he had nothing on fucking up his life, but this also does not automatically making Lang exempt and safe from Lin Xue Ya's destructive tendencies to people around him, because Lin's past actions have shown that his machinations often proven fatal and claims collateral damage on Lin's own acquaintance even whom he did not actively mark as his prey at the moment (re: Sha Wu Sheng and Shou Yun Xiao dead bodies during their 'expedition' against Mie Tian Hai). Lin's active action on saving Lang's life is a great deal, because not only by doing so he is committed to his mission learning how to have a healthy relationship, it also shows Lin's character development striving to be a... less destructive version of him.

On top of saving Lang, Lin does not even bother on concealing his pissed stance in front of him, showing Lang his, ungraceful side as he shamelessly continues his emotional breakdown in front of Lang the moment Xiao Kuang Juan name mentioned. This part is just so, so endearing to me because we can see in the screen, both Lang and Ling Ya too, are baffled seeing Lin's throwing tantrum, something that they does never expect coming off from the dude who nonchalantly, politely asked a dragon before chopping off said dragon's horn. Retreating back into Season One, Lin Xue Ya was alone when Mie Tian Hai humiliated his ass off, nobody is even there to saw him getting his trickster ass owned and yet, the moment Shang came up to him, asking how the hell did a giant praying mantis monster got unleashed, Lin is seen masking his agony over his humiliation and feigning a nonchalant attitude as per usual. This contrasts heavily with Season Two, where Lin is visibly upset over his failure at scheming Xiao Kuang Juan, and even goes on a rampage to show how upset he is to someone he just know several days ago.

Now into Episode 12, when Shang Bu Huan finally retrieved Night of Mourning off from Xiao Kuang Juan, and Shang called out to Lin Xue Ya to undo his disguise, we can see how the two of them have full come circle and reaches another level of trust and bond between the two of them. On this scene, with Shang Bu Huan, Lang Wu Ya, and Ling Ya all present, Lin really went and admitted how he is pissy af because he fucked up his plan with Xiao Kuang Juan. Lin. Freaking. Xue. Ya. Admitting. His. Failure. He nonchalantly brought up his failure of messing with The Fugitive Hunter and reasoned that he wants to tag along because he want to see Xiao getting his due with his own eyes (or don't you really, just wanna help, Lin). And Shang Bu Huan, hearing Lin's failure, did not flinch, did not even comment, did not even make fun of it or rejoice on Lin's failure despite Shang never agreeing with his method. Shang just brushed it by and instead offered Lin to tag along and help them.

(You want Lin on his usual fancy clothing instead of those boring lawmen outfit, don’t you Shang ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

Shang Bu Huan : Why are you following us?

Lin Xue Ya           : Well, what else? I'm hoping that you might lead me to some new amusement. To be honest, I'm feeling incredibly frustrated. I'm willing to do just about anything to clear my head as a result. If I don't see someone get their painful just dessert's soon, I think I might go mad.

Ling Ya                  : Man, this guy's as twisted as they come, huh?

Shang Bu Huan   : Well, we're about to go after Xiao Kuang Juan. You willing to help?

One episode left for Season Two, and where this season has it's ups and downs, and it's owns pros and cons, I personally think with the lesser amount of main cast we really get our main cast fleshed out more and I'm really happy with this development of Lin. As much as his trickster, jester side of a character is entertaining and incredibly potent and powerful on it's own right, but I as viewer could not help but happy seeing Lin's making some good decisions for once. Here is to praying that our main trio makes it out alive of Season Two.

[tommyhagen]

Sick Doms is SUCH an underused trope!!!

I was asked to write a companion peice to an incredible rare gem I found on AO3. The original is here. Sick Negan you guys! Here’s my response on AO3 too: Rick takes care of sick!Negan

But here it is on here. Also SERIOUSLY send me asks for scenes! I whipped this out in a couple of hours like seriously give me some happiness and ask me to write you a sickfic???

TW: Emetophilia, Vomit, Graphic Depiction Of Illness, Reference to Violence, dipping into true moments of darkness

—————————————————-

Ever fall in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with? —Buzzcocks

“Well, will you look at that! Rick motherfucking Grimes!”, Negan crowed. He’d started the day feeling alright, managed to keep some shit down and all but the drive over had not helped. End of the fucking world, not a damn soul on the road and the idiots working for him still managed to be bad drivers.

Rick, as always, stood ready and at the gates, glare in place before Negan even got out of the truck. He had to be practicing ahead of time because goddamnit Negan just could not get that motherfucker to crack a smile. He could threaten him, yeah, but where was the fun in that. No, Rick Grimes would smile at him in his own due time. He always let the really good ones break themselves. A man like Rick was worth a nice, long chase.

“Open the gates Eye Candy! I wanna get a good look at my favorite settlement.”, he barked. Negan took a moment to leer at Token Latina as they rolled them back. Damn. How the hell did that bitch always have on tinier little fucking shorts every time he saw her?! Not that he minded. Girl had some great legs on her. Looks like he knew where to find Arat when he needed her.

He tried not to need her. Arat was probably his favorite lady next to Lucille herself. And Rick’s people were one good looking bunch. If he was here to flirt with Rick, which everyone knew he was, his High Command could flirt with whoever they wanted too. Only seemed fair. Only rules were to keep your eyes off Rick and no hands on stuff unless it was consensual. Arat had been after that Hispanic girl since she laid eyes on her and Negan wished her all the best.

“I live here. Who else were you expecting?”, grunted the fairest of them all. Pretty as a princess with the manners of a stable boy. Oh fuck, was Rick Grimes ever Negan’s type!

“Well you weren’t last time. Which was very rude, by the way. I even cooked. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to hurt my feelings.”, Negan drawled, throwing an arm around Rick’s shoulder. He’d managed to kiss him on the cheek before but didn’t want to play his hand too early in the game so he settled for a quick squeeze. “But hell, you know I can’t stay mad at you. Even left a present.”

Rick just grunted an affirmation and tried to pull away.

Negan just held him tighter. He dropped his volume to almost a whisper, “Did you like it, Rick? That rich kid’s corpse? Made it just for you.”

Rick’s face went pale and he nearly stumbled. Negan positively howled with laughter. Yeah, he’d be just fine. So what if everything in his inside seemed like it’d rather be on the outside? He couldn’t just lay around puking his fucking guts out forever. He had shit to do and people to scare. He’d had enough of feeling miserable. So Rick. So far it’d been a perfect plan. Wasn’t doing much for his stomach but Negan hadn’t been in this good of a mood in days. That had to count for something. He was sure Simon and Eugene would think so anyways.

“In the future if you ever feel like giving me something I’d prefer it not be body parts.”, Rick hissed. So picky. But Negan didn’t like shrinking violets. No problem with someone knowing their worth if they were worth something though. And Rick here was worth every single life Negan chose to end for him.

Negan gave him a truly lewd grin in return. “Now you know that’s not a promise I’d be willing to make. I’m sorry Rick but your price is too high. I’ve been trying to give you some of mine since I saw you after all.”, he sneered, pulling Rick closer. It fit with the attitude he was throwing but the truth was he just wanted Rick near. It was a funny thing. Everyone was dressed like it was hot as dicks out and Negan just couldn’t get warm enough.

Lucky it didn’t seem like Rick had noticed anything but Negan’s hand having slipped down to his hip. “Let me go ahead and save you some time. No.”, he growled, trying to squirm away. Negan struggled to keep him. He wouldn’t have managed it unless Simon, who Negan somehow hadn’t even noticed trailing them, cocked his gun. Rick settled the fuck down pretty quick.

Negan shot Simon a weak glare over his shoulder. He couldn’t find it in him to do much more when instead of looking amused his second in command just seemed concerned. It wasn’t like Negan was against Simon playing wing man or anything. Just kinda put a dent in his whole not threatening Rick agenda. What kind of gentleman wins a lady or fine ass man over with force?

”Oh, Rick you little fucking prude. You’re gonna be tight as a chorus boy, aren’t ya? For you? I’ll take it slow as you want, baby.”, Negan said deciding that since he’d braved the hellride over just for Rick’s company they were beyond innuendo.

”You disgust me.”, Rick replied with a shudder.

Negan choose to interpret it as a shiver of undeniable pleasure brought on by his seduction. Negan was shivering too and he’d chalk it to the same thing. Rick was pretty fucking hot. Besides, Negan couldn’t be cold everyone else was starting to sweat just walking around. And, of course, that just made Rick even more like he’d stepped out of a porno. If Negan didn’t want him so bad he’d hate him because no one but him had the right to be so damn fine.

”And yet you find me strangely attractive.”, Negan shot back. He grabbed Rick’s hand. Thank Christ they were at the Grimes house because it’d hit Negan like he’d walked into a brick wall. He absolutely could not take one more step. And it was more than just his stomach protesting now. It hurt to breathe, to think, to walk, to be alive. How was he meant to pretend he wasn’t cold when his fucking teeth were chattering?

Shit. If it weren’t for Rick he would call this off that’s how bad he felt. Nothing else was worth this hell, not even his ego. The Saviours all knew by now how fucked up he was whether he wanted them to or not, anyway. Word travels fast when your boss nearly pukes up blood in front of half the damn world. Fuck, Negan might be in love with Rick Grimes now that he thought about it.

��What’s the hurry?”, Negan forced out and hoped his voice wasn’t shaking. “I got to have a nice little heart to heart with the kid last time. I want my chance to with his daddy too.” It was a flimsy excuse and Negan could do better if he weren’t trying so damn hard to hold himself still. It did the trick though. No one would doubt anything involving Rick to be his motive.

“No thanks, I’d really rather help you steal from us some more.”, Rick snapped.

Negan’s head was throbbing. The best he could manage was a quick, “Sit the fuck down, Rick.” He should have gotten an Oscar or something for acting like flopping back into the wicker chair was a choice. He’d straight up just collapsed.

Negan had never seen Rick obey a command so quickly and he prayed that Rick was just tired or something. He took it all back. He didn’t want Rick to see him like this. Curiosity killed the cat and Negan felt like one that’d been run over a few hundred times, that’s for sure. He didn’t have to try to look hot, of course, but he liked to throw in a little bit of something extra for Rick. Right now, though, he just wanted to be back in the Sancturary where he could feel like shit in peace.

“Negan?”, Simon called and Negan looked up just a second too late to be normal. But it was too late, Rick had noticed that. His eyes were always scanning Negan for weakness and Negan just HAD to choose to visit him on the day there might actually be some to find.

“What?”, Negan managed through gritted teeth. He actually couldn’t tell what was bothering him most when everything hurt so bad. He kind of envied the cat that curiosity killed though. God, anything had to be better than this.

“Just...you’ve got a eavesdropper is all.”, Simon pointed out looking nearly as pained as Negan felt. Huh. Damn, he was loyal. Negan made a note to let him have any wife he wanted when- if, he tried not to think- they got back tonight.

Negan realized he was hunched over, an arm around his middle. Against every lick of sense he had he straightened up. Sure enough though, Rick’s son was watching them through a window wearing a baby version of his father’s glare. Damn, he was just a mini Rick and that made him smile despite everything. God Rick had made some adorable kids. “Hey Carl!”, he called and waved with more enthusiasm than should have been possible for him.

Of course the kid wouldn’t join them because a complete lack of manners ran in the family but at least Negan could understand his animosity. He might not be so keen on hanging around with a man who was actively trying to fuck the one parent he had left either. He liked the black girl though and Negan still couldn’t figure out how she’d managed that.

He felt the familiar burn in his stomach and hunched forward. He spoke again trying to distract from it, “Haven’t seen you in nearly two weeks, Rick. Did ya miss me?”

”Like I miss the bullet in my chest.”, Rick spat back but his eyes were narrowed not in hate but interest. So he knew it too. Negan was going to end up throwing up again. Well, at least they were all on the same page. No surprises. Awesome. If Simon cared at all he would shoot him.

This was just plain mean. Everybody here knew what was going to happen but they were gonna just wait for him to humiliate himself? FUCK EVERYTHING. He could understand Rick, at least, he was too repressed to look at their sexual tension as anything but hatred but his best friend?! Come on! Fuck it. If they were gonna let him make a mess of himself then he’d do it. Negan would just pretend this was a fucking garden party until he crashed it by puking on everything.

He set his jaw stubbornly as he continued on, “You were shot, Rick?”. And if Negan ever got to feeling better he might just have to go pay a visit to whoever’d done it. Despite how sick he’d ended up the disembowling part of his last trip to Alexandria had been pretty fucking cool. He wouldn’t mind adding that to the old trick book permanently. It’d have been more than earned everyone from his people to the Hilltop to that lunatic with the rennisance fair knew better than to give Rick so much as a scratch. Rick Grimes was his and had been the second Negan had seen him. He was under a damn powerful man’s protective hand. No one would dare lay a hand on that boy but him.

Surprisingly Rick answered him, “Yeah.”. His words were coming slow and thoughtful. Negan let himself think it was from concern for him and not calculating how best to use this against him. It made things seem a bit brighter. “Before all this in the line of duty. Was in a coma and woke up in the middle of the apocalypse. My wife and Carl were gone. Never thought I’d see them again.”

And that was just so unbearably cute and SO Rick that Negan nearly forgot about the twinge of acid on the back of his tongue. How else would Rick get shot? Playing Hero of course. God, what Negan would give to see Rick in uniform. He desperately wanted to see that scar. The thought probably would have turned him on if there were any blood left in his body for a hard-on. And what he could have done to Rick with him in those handcuffs...fuck, his body almost managed to rally.

”Negan?”, someone called again softly. And holy fuck that had been Rick! Negan could rally for that.

He swallowed thickly against the acid creeping it’s way up. “That bitch!”, he forced out. But the sentiment was anything but. “They couldn’t have forced me to leave your side if you got hurt.” It was true. Negan loved him, goddamnit. That’s why this was gonna suck so bad. Because Rick would laugh at him for this. And it’d be a hell of a lot harder to live in denial that one day Rick would come around then.

Rick had had enough. Of course he would always so serious. He couldn’t just settle the fuck down for a second and let things happen. “What the hell is wrong with you?”, he demanded.

Negan waved him off even though a hand was clamped over his mouth. “Not a damn thing, Rick.”, he practically whined. If the nausea wasn’t bad enough before Negan had just piled some self loathing on top of that. He gagged.

”Fuck, you’re about to throw up.”, Rick realized.

[rolandfontana]

The Unbroken Link Between Slavery, Jim Crow and Mass Incarceration

Belton “Money Rock” Platt was a young, flamboyant drug dealer who had a near-monopoly on cocaine in the Piedmont Courts housing project in Charlotte, N.C., during the 1980s cocaine epidemic. After spending 20 years in prison, he devoted his life to God and became a minister.

Journalist Pam Kelley, who covered Belton’s trial in 1986 as a 26-year-old reporter for the Charlotte Observer, chronicles his story in Money Rock: A Family’s Story of Cocaine, Race, and Ambition in the New South. What she found offers some object lessons about race, crime and drugs today. In a chat with TCR’s J. Gabriel Ware, Kelley explains her motives behind writing the book, why she decided to place the Platt’s family generational misfortune, filled with drugs, prison, murder and suicide in the context of Charlotte’s determination to become a prosperous “world-class” city while still suffering from the effects of Jim Crow, and how Belton turned from an interview subject into a friend.

The Crime Report: Before this book, you hadn’t seen or talked to Belton in more than 25 years. What made you track him down? And were you surprised to find out that he was now a Christian preacher?

Pam Kelley: I bought Jay-Z’s autobiography “Decoded” in December 2011. It was Christmas present for my daughter, but I read it and became engrossed in Jay-Z’s life as a young crack dealer in Marcy Projects. That made me think about “Money Rock” and Piedmont Courts. I just didn’t know what to expect, but I wasn’t totally surprised to find out he was a minister. I’ve heard about people coming out prison and becoming ministers. And as I’ve gotten to know him, I’ve learned that he has a number of friends from prison who also became ministers.

TCR: A generational curse appeared to have terrorized Belton and his family—first with his father, and then him, and then with his sons. How did you make sense of that?

Kelley: An important part of the book is the collateral damage of mass incarceration, and I think Belton’s family, unfortunately, can almost be a case study. I think a lot of Americans are aware of what mass incarceration is, but I don’t think they understand that this gift keeps giving in terms of creating these terrible problems for our society.

Pam Kelley

In the book, I quote an academic book called Children of the Prison Boom where the researchers shows kids who had a father go to prison are at a higher risk for behavior disorders, etcetera—the authors basically say this is widening inequality. You send these fathers to prison for decades, and their kids grow up without fathers, and the kids have behavior issues and get into trouble and that’s the cycle we’ve created.

TCR: How has your relationship with Belton evolved over these past 30 years?

Kelley: I first met Belton in Central Prison and we were both pretty young. I was 26 and he was 22. When we finally met again, he said to me “I thought you were like in college.” But I didn’t really know him then. I was reporter, so the relationship was professional. But I did kind of like him because he had a sense of humor—even though I was interviewing him for a big story and he lied to me and didn’t tell me very much. But when you write a book and you talk to someone over years, you get to know them and their family. I went to his previous wife’s funeral after she died of cancer. I remember him telling me on the phone and breaking into tears.

I still stop in to see his mom and enjoy talking politics with her. She’s 82 and still very opinionated and wise. When you do these narrative nonfiction book projects and you’re writing about real people, you become part of their lives and they become part of your lives. Today, I regard Belton as friend, and I think he regards me in the same way.

TCR: “Money Rock” is not just a biography. It’s also a history lesson that covers a wide-range of social issues including the cocaine epidemic of the 1980s, mass incarceration and racial inequality. What do you want readers take away from the book?

Kelley: This is an American story in pretty much every way. You can tell similar stories in any city in the New South—any city that once had slavery. I want people to be curious about  how our past created our present situation. Because if you don’t understand the past—Jim Crow, redlining, urban renewal and lack of opportunity for black people to accumulate wealth—then you’d look at a high-crime neighborhood of black people and say “well, if  those people would just work harder, or have better habits…” But once you know the history, you can’t do that.

Many cities across the country are beginning to see how their past is still affecting their present.

Since I began writing “Money Rock,” a lot of things have happened in Charlotte that really throw light on some of the issues I addressed in the book. Exactly two years ago, Keith Lamont Scott, a black man, was shot and killed by police. There were some protests in Charlotte that got pretty violent—one man was even killed. Charlotte has always managed to smooth over its racial strife, but this kind of unmasked Charlotte and brought it all out in the open. And this narrative is taking place in different ways in many, many cities across the country. They are beginning to see how their past is still affecting their present. So, I think it’s really important for white America to know the history. And I think there are black Americans who don’t know this history, too, because a lot of it wasn’t taught.

TCR:  Is there anything you discovered about yourself personally while working on this book or as you reflect on covering Belton’s story from the 1980s until now?

Kelley: Just how much I didn’t know as young reporter. I grew up in the Midwest in a town where I had no black kids in my classes, and I moved to the South for college—I went to Chapel Hill. There was plenty of racism and segregation in the North but living in the South and covering public housing projects were all pretty new to me. When I went into Piedmont Courts and saw that the buildings were run down, and the crime was terrible—right in the middle of this prosperous city—I kind of took it at face value like “Oh this is what a public housing is like.” It didn’t really occur to me to ask why. I didn’t have the context to ask some of the bigger questions that I have explored in this book.

I’m also more aware of my white privilege and how it benefited me. Imagine if somebody came here from another planet and they knew nothing about our history, and you were showing them around town. Suddenly, you stop at a place that looks worse than everywhere else, and the people who live there just happened to have darker skin: how would you explain that? When you start pulling that thread, it goes all the way right back to slavery. We created this construct to justify slavery—that’s the only way to explain it.

I think that’s how a lot of white people go through life because we don’t have to think about that. But the one thing that changed me is that I see it now. I can’t not see.

TCR: What’s your stance on the criminal justice system?

Kelly: First of all, we need to stop putting so many people in prison, and we need to stop putting them in prison for so long. We need to find alternatives to incarceration. Incarceration in the United States has been coming down a bit, but we still have the highest incarceration rate in the world—and the same thing with black men and the incarceration rate. There’s a lot of systemic racism that needs to be addressed. And once people get out of prison we need to make it easier for them to get back into society. It’s so hard now that if you don’t have a family to support you, you can end up homeless.

J. Gabriel Ware

I’ve learned a lot about North Carolina’s state prison policies while writing this book. Belton’s oldest son spent more than three years in solitary confinement. They have since dialed that back, but to me that just has been an embarrassment and a tragedy. I think a lot of states, including North Carolina, need to reduce their use of solitary confinement.

J. Gabriel Ware is a TCR News Intern. He welcomes comments from readers.

  The Unbroken Link Between Slavery, Jim Crow and Mass Incarceration syndicated from https://immigrationattorneyto.wordpress.com/

[judithsears]

2017 - Great year.

I went to Cuba in April. I swam in turquoise waters for the first time and cried like a baby. Snorkeled in the ocean, danced and ate with the locals, squished giant cockroaches and lived in paradise for 8 glorious days.

I went to Italy in July with my mom. Visited Mestre, Venice, La Spezia, Portovenere, Cinque Terre, Florence and Rome. I ate pizza, pasta and drank prosecco. Swam in the Mediterranean sea with the fish, saw the sun set at the top of piazza di michelangelo, hiked the eastern coast between the towns or Corniglia and Vernazza. It was incredible. I spent one day alone, a complete stranger in a village. Anonymous, and alone, eating gelato at the top of a mountain, sweating in 42 degree heat, looking down onto a marina on the ocean.

I completed my second season of rowing.

I learned how to throw ceramics on the wheel and made several mugs and bowls.

Continued working on my body and my self.

Watched Third Eye Blind play Semi Charmed Kind of Life, live, outdoors, at sunset overlooking the water in upper New York.

My nephew was born in January. He is perfect. And I love him.

I tried desperately to expand my friend-base. It has proved very difficult between the weddings, babies, schedules, careers, money, etc...But I made some genuine connections with some really great people and feel pretty fortunate for it.

HIGH FIVE 2017.

What do I want to do in 2018? I was doing aquafit the other day, floating in the pool with one of the aforementioned friends, and we talked about what goals we have for the new year...

-TRAVEL AGAIN.

-Build and nurture friendships and put myself out there. Stop standing in my own way and hang out with people.

-ROW.

-See my ladies club - S.W.I.S. - come to fruition.

-FITNESS.

-Work on my hobbies in the evenings after work rather than just sit on my ass and be lazy. I’d like to do things that feel good, make me happy and allow a feeling of accomplishment at the end. (ie. sewing, painting, etc...)

-Make my GRL PWR show a reality.

-GET THEM ABS.

2016 A YEAR IN REVIEW

I’m welcoming in 2017 with open arms. I’ve turned 30 and am trying to figure out how to be happy and to better my life. Here are my goals for 2017:

*Travel. I want to go to Italy and go hiking in BC. (I DID IT. I FINALLY WENT TO ITALY.)

*Create less waste. Less packaging. Find a way to compost.

*Eat slower (like my dad) and enjoy my food (and wine) more. (FAIL)

*Take more pictures. (MEGA FAIL)

*Sew wearable clothes. (NO)

*Take a pottery course/workshop. (YES! SUCCESS!)

*Continue rowing. (YES. V GOOD.)

*Continue at my job and maybe grow into a new, higher position or role to gain experience. (KIND OF IMPOSSIBLE RIGHT NOW)

*Continue my quest for good health - physical and mental. Which means eating well, eating whole foods, less sugar, salt and fat and exercising regularly. (YES)

*Continue growing food on my balcony and using it in my cooking. (50/50)

*Travel. (CUBA)

*Travel. (ITALY)

*Travel. (SYRACUSE)

Lets see how I did at my 2016 list….

- Sew something new. Clothing. T-shirts. Dresses. Anything. (No. BUT I did pick up a pattern. I guess that doesn’t count though.)

- Be kind for pete’s sake! Drop the attitude. (No. Attitude is as fiery as ever.)

- Be more accepting of others and everyone’s little imperfections! ( I tried.)

- Complain less. Appreciate more. (Yes, I tried.)

- Work out more. It wasn’t until I hurt my knee that I realized there are other things you can do with your body that are (almost) as challenging and as rewarding as running. (I’ve completed Kayla Itsines full 24 week guide this year.)

- Get them abs. I want to see and earn my muscle tone and definition. (Photos to come soon.)

- Travel somewhere new. (I think the only place I really went this year was Syracuse, NY)

- Grow something new and edible. Grow more edible things! (My whole balcony was food this summer! Kale, kale and more kale. Tomatoes. Basil. Etc.)

- Drink more water. (Nay.)

- Cook new things and try new foods!!! I love food. (Yes. Success.)

- Love more. (Yes.)

- Beat this awful and miserable fear of flying. (Nay. I think it may have gotten worse actually. haha.)

2016. It’s coming to an end. Everyone is going on and on about how much it sucked. I thought it was alright.

I think the really defining piece of my year was moving into a new job. That all my hard work and time and emotional exhaustion paid off in one way or another and I am now supervising the program I started off in. I may not be teaching, but I’m happy.

I began rowing. I was on a team this summer with 7 other rowers and we learned and raced and drank together. It was amazing. Terrifying but amazing. Along with that, I started doing yoga at the boat house, overlooking the Ottawa river. Pretty amazing.

Went to Syracuse, NY for an amazing, incredible, spontaneous weekend to see Rob Thomas and Counting Crows at a beautiful, magical outdoor amphitheatre.

I turned 30. And my best friend and boyfriend orchestrated the more surprising surprise party, and it was so fun and memorable.

I donated my hair for the SECOND TIME! I love doing this. But somehow after turning 30, my hair is incredibly thin now and worrying me so it may not happen again! Hah.

I had an amazing time at the cottage this summer with my best friend. I visited the cottage I grew up at every summer, rode the boat I caught my first fish in, swam in the lake I learned to swim in and roasted marshmallows in the same spot I roasted marshmallows in when I was 5 years old. That weekend meant a lot to me.

So I think I did alright.

2015! A YEAR IN REVIEW

Its that time again!

we are, another new year. It feels a little lack luster right now, but at the same time - I don’t mind. I feel kind of, at peace, I suppose! Content. And I think that is okay! The New Year right now, doesn’t seem all that scary and it doesn’t need to be a BIG SHA-BANG! I feel peaceful and happy and I’m going to roll with it! Also to be noted - I have to say I really thought my new years kiss was so sweet and tender, and maybe thats why I feel this way! I’ll take it. Anyways - what can I knock off my list of things to do in 2015, what did I achieve?

THINGS TO DO IN 2015?

- Be kinder. Do things more selflessly. Do things for people without expectations of getting anything in return. (I’m going to say I was about 60/40 on this one. I think I definitely took strides, but its hard when you begin to feel used. We’ll work on this one.)

- Concentrate on what is RIGHT or what is GOING RIGHT. In life, in my job, career path, etc. (Yes - I think I did this to the best of my ability! Love my job, my home, my friends, etc.)

- Complain less. About everything/anything. (No - definitely need to work on this.)

- Eat clean, whole foods. Less salt, less sugar, less fat. Eat whole ingredients and whole foods. (YEA YEAAH)

- Love more, accept more. (hmmm I’d say.)

- Paint more. (Nay, Nay)

- Sew something wearable. Sew another quilt (#4) (Sewed two more quilts, need to up the game on the SS Fashion Line for 2016)

- Make the best out of any bad situations. (I’d say.)

- Fitness. Find some way to correct my knee problem and work on being the fittest I can be. (Knee is still fucked. Body is reasonably fit. Feeling pretty good!)

- Get on the supply list. (Nay Nay - I think my career path may take a slight sliiiight detour.)

What would I like to achieve in 2016!?

- Sew something new. Clothing. T-shirts. Dresses. Anything.

- Be kind for pete’s sake! Drop the attitude.

- Be more accepting of others and everyone’s little imperfections!

- Complain less. Appreciate more.

- Work out more. It wasn’t until I hurt my knee that I realized there are other things you can do with your body that are (almost) as challenging and as rewarding as running.

- Get them abs. I want to see and earn my muscle tone and definition.

- Travel somewhere new.

- Grow something new and edible. Grow more edible things!

- Drink more water.

- Cook new things and try new foods!!! I love food.

- Love more.

- Beat this awful and miserable fear of flying.

Well.. I’ll continue coasting for now on my wave. Work is good and could open up some doors to a career detour. Love is good. My man human is amazing and as sweet as sugar. I saw a few new places this past year. Met a few new people. Made a few new things. Close friends got closer. My family is amazing and they love me so much - and I am so grateful for that. Missing some old friends, gained a few new ones. And I’m not sure what else to say - so on that note! Peace out 2015, its been a pizza-slice.

2014 - well, well, well, we’ve come to an end.

Am I sad to see you go? No, not really. You gave me a lot of great opportunities a TON of new experiences. You’ve given me a lot of exceptional moments, good times, good friends and good memories. I’ve become a lot closer with some of my favourite people and shared a lot of cool memories. Could we improve for next year however? Of course.

So what did I accomplish from my MUST DO list of 2014?

WELL - lets see…

2014

-Get on the supply list (I’ve supply taught, but I’m not on the list JUST yet..)

-Cook more natural foods (YEA GIRL YEA)

-Read more books (#1 on the list, Wheat Belly) (I think I read 3, but that might be a record?)

-Continue running (and working on my self) (My knee is busted, so no… )

-Help people more - without the expectation of anything in return (Check.)

-Meet more people (Check)

-Play more music, write more music, play more shows (nope)

-Paint, quilt, sew - be more creative (painted and sewed another quilt)

-Love more, accept more, understand give & take more (Check.)

Not too bad. I feel like I’m in a good place. I’m content and believe I’m on a path of success. My job is good, and my co-workers are fun and keep me motivated. The kids I get to hang out with make me laugh and challenge me every day. I’m always learning how to plan better, how to be more patient, be more engaging and to listen and communicate. Kids are weird, but the hilarious stuff I hear them say always makes each day bareable when all I wanna do it be a lazy pile on the couch.

My best friends are amazing. My favourite human is amazing and he lifts me up and lets me depend on him for anything, and I know he’ll still accept me with open arms at the end of the day no matter what. Life is good and for now, I’ll just keep rolling along into the new year. I’m pretty interested to see what its going to hold for me.

THINGS TO DO IN 2015?

- Be kinder. Do things more selflessly. Do things for people without expectations of getting anything in return.

- Concentrate on what is RIGHT or what is GOING RIGHT. In life, in my job, career path, etc.

- Complain less. About everything/anything.

- Eat clean, whole foods. Less salt, less sugar, less fat. Eat whole ingredients and whole foods.

- Love more, accept more.

- Paint more.

- Sew something wearable. Sew another quilt (#4)

- Make the best out of any bad situations.

- Fitness. Find some way to correct my knee problem and work on being the fittest I can be.

- Get on the supply list.

2014

A YEAR IN REVIEW…

So what do I need to accomplish in 2014…

-Get on the supply list (I’ve supply taught, but I’m not on the list JUST yet..)

-Cook more natural foods (YEA GIRL YEA)

-Read more books (#1 on the list, Wheat Belly) (I think I read 3, but that might be a record?)

-Continue running (and working on my self) (My knee is busted, so no… )

-Help people more - without the expectation of anything in return (Check.)

-Meet more people (Check)

-Play more music, write more music, play more shows (nope)

-Paint, quilt, sew - be more creative (painted and sewed another quilt)

-Love more, accept more, understand give & take more (Check.)

2013

A YEAR IN REVIEW…

I’ve been working on my list of New Years Resolutions and things to accomplish in 2013.

Here goes…

*Get a job in my feild - or at the very least take a leap in the right direction. (CHECK. *pats self on back*)

*Paint more. (Does water colour count?)

*Run more. (Check.)

*Meet new people - whether through the internet, group meet-ups, through other friends or mentors, just meet people. (favourite new friends of 2013 awards coming soon.)

*Continue my clean eating quest. The more natural the better. (December has been rough on that front - but the rest of the year has been top notch)

*Buy less. Narrow down my possessions. (I am a notorious self proclaimed “thing-hater”. If I can do without it, I will find away to make due without it.)

*Run a half marathon - which may require me to buy new running shoes. (Didn’t happen… but I did go through 3 months of physiotherapy and therapy-ed my self back to running again)

*Volunteer at Ottawa School of Art - again. (CHECK.)

*Grow plants or vegetables. (Two live plants, thriving in my apartment presently. Tomatoes next?)

*Maintain my pledge to never work another Christmas in retail. (SUCCESS! I spent boxing day laying on my couch. Win win win!)

2012

A YEAR IN REVIEW…

Things to do in 2012…

*Tattoo (before Sept. 11th). (Didn’t happen.)

*Record that EP I’ve been meaning to record. (Didn’t happen.)

*Make a [shitty] music video. (Didn’t happen.)

*Sell some art work. (Check!)

*Finish my quilt. (Double check!)

*Paint more. (Check!)

*Find a shitty job to get me through the winter and then a sweet job for later. (Hmmm - well I didn’t work a lick last winter, but I managed to get an assistant manager position in a shitty shit shoe store selling over priced leather shoes to annoying Europeans.)

*Cook more diverse and delicious food. (Duh, check! Clean eating!)

*Drink more wine. (Check, obviously.)

*Visit Alex in Berlin. (Didn’t happen.)

*Be more spontaneous. (Check. Summer of YES happened.)

*Be a lady. (Hmm, Summer of YES may have gotten in the way of that.)

*Be more creative. (Somewhat check?)

*Design and sew a piece of wearable clothing. (Didn’t happen.)

So not so bad! It could of been worse. So what did I do this year?

*Got my second degree.

*Had my first solo art show and sold art work.

*Wrote A LOT of music. Basically an entire new catalog of songs.

*Moved out of my long time apartment on Somerset and made some big changes in my life.

*Started running, trained for a 10km, ran a 10km run.

*Moved from Somerset to High Street to Lisgar to Frank to Lisgar.

*Summer of YES.

*Endured the most difficult and traumatic ordeal I’ve ever experienced in my life to date. Which has effected me long term mentally and physically.

*Rode a motorcycle for the first time. Many times. Best time - to the top of Champlain Lookout in Gatineau