#i’ve literally never been so happy
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It’s not book 5 that’s still coming!!! 🤩
yesssssssssssssss
my sonboy is plot-relevant
#inheritance cycle#christopher paolini#murtagh (inheritance cycle)#eragon shadeslayer#murtagh tornacsson#god im so excited#i’ve literally never been so happy
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……
I kinda miss klance
#idk what’s happening there’s been a huge resurface in my head#I’ve seen a lot of their edits on tiktok and i swear i haven’t thought about them in a while#but the edits had me thinking about what we could have had#and I got sad fjkdkdnd I’m never truly gonna get over being so robbed#Also the ship I’m currently VERY into is probably gonna pull a klance too#I’m literally never destined to be happy I always pick the worst ones
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do you think imp!angel smiled as they were executed
#redacted asmr#redacted audio#redacted angel#i’m in my thoughts#i recently read an imperium fixit fic that still got angel and david together and i’ve been mourning#but like. angel was the one who got the documents to babe right#i think that what erik is implying in the imperium is that huxley and damien are gonna end up in some ‘relationship’ cause damien is def#turning him#but i’m heartbroken that angel will probably never be mentioned again in the imperium#same thing with darling being just ‘the other pack member that died’#i’m in my emotions rn#redacted imperium#imp!angel#imp!damien#im just gonna think of that one persons fic as canon from now on to spare my emotions#at least gavin and FL are happy in the imperium 😭😭#literally no one else is 💀💀#(maybe SH and milo but milo can’t shift anymore so like 😭
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sorry if I become extra annoying im kinda tweaking over being on my own for the first time sooooo I might let myself become extra indulgent 💔💔💔
#‘aren’t u already super indulgent’ you’d be surprised#everything will be tagged either fanfic bullshit or gayalanwoke if you wanna block 😭#sorry i kinda maybe sorta will be having a moment. for a while.#idk if I can call myself disabled. but like yall know I have diagnosed cptsd and suspected-autism#sooooooo#taking care of myself is. not easy. At all#I can hardly manage with my parents#and now . idk. basically my routine for the past 20 years is being disrupted and im not handling it well#not only that. just.#again like I said taking care of myself in general is really hard#AND I have . college now.#lord 😭#I’ve always been a straight a student in high school and community college right#four months after my cptsd developed? I dropped out of community college 🫠#bc I literally couldn’t handle it#that was last February#now im at a . four year school#so#im tweaking#like actually this time#and since hyperfixations are All Consuming . they are as helpful as they are debilitating yk#so like yes this show/the fic might contribute to education problems. buttttt it’ll also stop me from crashing out!!!!!#so . yeah. yall might be hearing a bit more from me 😵💫#or#I’ll become extremely self conscious and never follow through#sorry#this is so funny I’m freaking out that yall might be angry im posting abt stuff that makes me happy LMFAOAOO#THIS IS LITERALLY ALL IN MY HEAD LMAOOOO#yall: hey gayalanwake! what’s up? cool binder. hey gayalanwake! wanna come over to my house today? :D#me: they alllll hated me 🐺
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ok i’ve just read the tracklist and can taylor not ruin joe’s life pls…..
#like i’m so happy we’re getting a new album#and i’ve never been that excited for an album before just by reading the titles#but she knows joe will get even more hate after this#and you can tell she’s still mad at him and she’s moved on so quickly which was so weird and made me see her different side (:/)#so she’s not doing this to deal w emotions or something and it really makes me://////#like girl you were the first one to defend an abuser who literally took your girlhood after fans reaction to wouldve couldve shouldve#and youre doing all these things now and then as a revenge to someome who was there when you were at your absolute lowest….. yeah#doesnt seem right to me sorryy
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on a note to all: my plotting style is something i like to call i have adhd and if i see you on the dash and have an idea chances are i’ll im you about it. i’m an anxious little dude who isn’t always active in a broad scope, and it’s always been my nature to reach out to people. that doesn’t make me even remotely anxious. not even remotely expected to answer me — i totally get it, sometimes you don’t feel the vibe — but a general psa about how i work. i come from the dinosaur era where the only way to communicate with one another on any level was to directly talk to them and frankly i don’t even know how else you’re ever supposed to plot with a person otherwise. like… how do you write if you never talk????
#CLAWS RETRACTED.#[honest to god this isn’t shade at anyone im literally just trying to explain i am never on the dash and when i am i take handfuls of rando#snapshots to send to whoever’s in my scope at that second. which is i know ridiculous but when you’re me and you’re mobile 100% of the time#because the other 75% you’re doing everything for everyone in your life it becomes exceedingly hard to WANT to stare at a laptop screen.#even if im home im 100% mobile most of the time. basically what im saying is: as an rper i will totally drop into your im’s randomly if#something strikes my fancy. if that’s not your bag i totally get it. the plotting call life has never been mine to own. a lot of the time#it’ll be a person likes it and then you reach out and it turns into ‘haha neither of us have an idea’ which then kills the whole thing.#hence why -i- tend to approach especially if you reblog something or wishlist it and it crosses my path. like. im so happy to try almost an#anything someone wants to give a shot so long as you feel like playing ping pong with me about it. I’ve always been an exceedingly social#person because i just… love people. and for a person literally exploding with anxiety… I don’t do anxiety about talking to people. I USED#to long ago until I LITERALLY forced myself to just… not give a fuck. but honestly? do it scared and now it’s just fucking do it. I#apologize in advance if I can be a pain in the ass and if it’s not your dig I comprehend an unfollow. im a very involved and interested#writer and frankly it’s how I keep myself able to enjoy this hobby by not making it too serious. like. sometimes I read someone’s rules and#im like Jesus Christ I would love to remember all of this but my brain only has so much ram. idk when the big invisible book of online#etiquette was written but I must have been sleeping in class for that one.]
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:c
#i luv my friends ;-; i feel like i’m gonna lose my mind when i’m not living right by all my friends lmao 😭#i’ve literally been hanging out w ppl like at least every other day if not every day#we made semi spontaneous plan to go to pride tmrwwweww 🥹🥹 i’m excited#i just am so happy that i get to spend sm time w ppl rn bc we’re all somewhat free bc summer 😭#also idk i was just thinking abt this recently but like#it’s kinda new to me to like actually be comfortable/confident in knowing my friends want/like my presence ;-;#even then i’m not that confident LMAO bc after sm time together i’m like surely they’ll get sick of me#like we’ve seen each other every day the past like three days#but no 🥹 ugh like idk man i had one elementary to sort of middle and high school friendship#that like fucked me up i feel like lmfao 💀#like girl sidelined me so much for other friends that i just#:l and cried so much bc of that 😀 anyway 😀#so like idk i’m just so grateful rn 😭😭😭#also was thinking abt it recently bc my mom made me feel judged/ made me feel like she was annoyed that i was staying here on campus#when i technically don’t need to and my main/only reason is bc friends#and after that conversation w her i got kinda annoyed bc i was like#i have had so many conversations w you where i was sad af or frustrated that my friends wouldn’t reach out to me ever#or my friend who never paid attention to me when other friends were around#like i don’t think she’s actually judging like me staying for friends but it was that one conversation we were both kinda annoyed idk#and i was just like . pls#anyway 😀 i always have so many friend thoughts i always be overthinking it LOL#anyway anyway i need to be up in like 6 hrs LOLLLLLL pride tho yay 🥰🥰🥰#rip me not having clean cute clothes for this LOL 🤪#ong last yr i tied my hair in a ponytail w like rainbow hair ties tied down the ponytail……#idk if i have those but if i do maybe i should do that again LOL#idk might be too lazy tho we’ll see how much time i have to get ready when i wake up 🤡#jeanne talks#TOO MUCH BYE
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FAITH IN THE FUTURE WORLD TOUR
JUNE 1ST 2023 | CUYAHOGA FALLS
#so I made this and put it in my drafts literally like a yr ago and never posted it bc I thought it was ugly but i literally am not gonna#fix it anytime soon so here you go#happy (sad) 1 yr anniversary to one of the best happiest days I’ve ever had#*mine#i literally#....AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaAaAAAAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhHHHHHHH#LOUIS#flashing tw#flashing#this man really pointed at me and gave me an air hug#i will die#yes it;s been over a month and i still havent been able to breathe properly yet#my brain is genuinely still short circuiting i cannot even kid you about this like....im NOT joking#wtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtffffff
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hey everyone, i won’t be as active for a while. got home last night super late after being on the road for 20 some odd hours. dealing with some family things and as an older sister, my priority of taking care of my siblings comes first before anything else. being on here is amazing for me but i don’t think i’ll have much time for it. reminder to please treat those in your life who are battling addiction with patience and care. i lost my older brother (sweetest person i’ve ever known and he remained that way up until his last night) to suicide and alcoholism, trauma and ptsd, depression and his feelings of hopelessness. talk with the people you care about. another of my siblings is dealing with the same and i refuse to let it escalate to such a terrifying end twice in less than a fucking year. remind the people you care about that there are beautiful things to live for. show them kindness and love. there is all kinds of misinformation out there but know this, you can make a difference for someone. don’t let them suffer in silence.
#if you have me on snap then you saw the super gorgeous views and such on my way to idaho but what you did not see was me picking#up my little sister. propping her body up with pillows in a hotel room to make sure she didn’t aspirate on her own vomit in her sleep.#pouring out her water bottle of white claw and talking to her about drug use.#i never make her feel as though she has disappointed me or that she should feel ashamed. shame helps nothing. love helps everything.#i’m going to get her back into treatment soon- i just need her to know she has a home when she’s out. detoxing here first and being#positively reinforced for every single step of the process is so fucking important. it was terrifying to learn that if i had not gone to ge#her when i did that she probably would have died there in the next few weeks.#my fear of death for her is not what guides me though and there’s a huge difference between that and doing something out of love. being#there in dire moments is important yes- but being there through the mundanity of recovery is JUST as vital. it’s a process and it’s hard.#she’s moving in with me for awhile so i can help her through this sensitive time in her recovery.#she’s trying so hard and being recognized for that has literally been making her sob. knowing she has people who truly care for her is#everything. now that my stepdad is away from her like across the country i can actually finally help her. she’s starting to understand and#without me saying anything- she is starting to see what he’s done to her and our family. she needs love and support and stability. she need#reasons to live. sorry im kinda rambling a lot in these tags but i just… i can’t lose another one. the love i carry for my siblings is#unlike any other. i’ve treated them like my children since i was a child and those are my own issues but our mother is gone now too so it i#up to me.#losing my brother last september and my mom the year before that- grief has just been back to back.#in the hotel room i couldn’t sleep. she fell asleep so quickly and all i could do was watch her and think about all of the things i want to#do to make her feel like her life has value and worth enough to stay here and not go. my little sister is forever four years old in my mind#yes she’s an adult of 23 but she is a baby to me. she’s so young and she has so much ahead of her. she deserves a happy and fulfilled life.#our lives have been… very hard. 4 out of 5 of us are still standing and i plan on keeping it that way.#this is not the pain olympics or whatever but listen- if i put an adult in any of the situations we were in as children they would not#survive. we only did because there was no other choice. now there are escapes and we are old enough to try them all- every single one of us#has searched for some escape. it spirals and escalates and it doesn’t help but it is an escape. giving her love and affection and getting#her the help she needs and doing it the RIGHT way- it lessens the need for escape. there is nothing wrong with being an addict.#addiction ends one of two ways. life or death. unfortunately there is no in between. she’s going to feel everything- bad and good. i want#her to know there is so much good. that she is good. every move i make right now matters so i don’t think i’ll have time for tumblr or#much socializing.#just a heads up yk. thank you for your patience in advance <3
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my mom stop making comments about her dieting around her child with an ed challenge
#impossible edition! apparently!#to be fair. I haven’t told her it bothers me. but it bothers me#like I don’t have diet trauma or anything like that bc I’ve never been on a diet or felt pressured to lose weight (thankfully)#but she’s on this diet rn that she likes but just feels so evil to me bc it’s literally a ‘points’ system#like certain things are more points than others bc they’re ‘unhealthy’ so she’s constantly counting how many points are in everything :/#like girl I know you have genuine concerns about your health but. god. how do you live this way#how does this make you happy.#idk it just gives me such whiplash when she’s being all encouraging ab me gaining weight and eating whatever I want#but then being SO critical of her own body and so open about how she shouldn’t eat too much bc it’s unhealthy 🥰#like girlllll you are perpetuating the system girl pleaseee#tw ed mention#gem don’t look#sorry for ranting about this it’s just frustrating
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WAIT A MINUTE DID THEY FINALLY MAKE THOSE FIREFIGHTERS GAY
#me#I HAVE BEEN SCROLLING THROUGH THIS TAG EVERY SINGLE TIME IT TRENDS FOR YEARS#JUST WAITING#SO#HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS!#(ik it’s not that the ship went canon but they did apparently confirm one of the guys as bi so hooray!!)#(I’ve literally never seen an episode of this show in my life so I won’t lie#I canNOT tell which guy is which when I see them)
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Chat I can’t stop thinking about Uvonaga. I’m so obsessed with them. Every single variation. Long married Uvonaga. Mutual pining Uvonaga. One sided Uvonaga. Lesbian Uvonaga. Modern Au Uvonaga. Werewolf vampire au Uvonaga. Uvonaga where Uvo died before Nobu got to say how much he loved him. Uvonaga where Nobu thinks his feelings are unrequited but Uvo has thought they were in a relationship for years. Uvonaga where they’re always fighting. Uvonaga where Nobu had a crush on Uvo since they first met as kids. Uvonaga where they’re not aware of their feelings yet but the rest of the troupe knows. Uvonaga where they just recently started dating. High school au Uvonaga. Uvonaga where they have so many feelings and don’t know what do with them. Uvonaga angst. Uvonaga fluff. Uvonaga uvonaga uvonaga uvonaga uvonaga uvonaga uvonaga uvonaga uvonaga uvonaga uvonaga uvonaga uvonaga uvonaga
#uvonaga#this is the worst hyperfixation I’ve ever had#I’m so insanely obsessed with them#literally writing this during class cause I am incapable of doing anything but thinking of them#all I’ve been doing for the past 2 months is drawing/writing/finding content of them#can’t do this anymore chat I miss them sonbad#they make me so insanely happy#I’ve never had this much passion for a ship before#I’ve never gotten hyperfixated on a ship this is so weirdddd
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to the boyfriend i want so hopelessly but will never have, happy birthday milove ♡
#gyugyu 🐶#hiiii ! yes this is the mandatory ‘it’s my ult bias day’ sappy ass long delulu message from aleyna 💌#so pls proceed with caution bc once i start talking it’ll get ... yeah. anyway#happy mingoo day everyone 🥺🥺#he the loml 💖 (... one of many but let’s not talk about that *cough*)#i just love him so much :((#the giant puppy boy who stole my heart and never gave it back 😭😞#also he’s literally the most boyfriend to ever boyfriend?????? it’s so unfair ☹️#just another day of not having mangyu 😔... what is life#do you know the feeling when you like look at someone and your heart starts swelling in your chest so much that it hurts??#that’s exactly how i feel whenever i look at mingyu 🥺! i appreciate and love every little thing about him so much i :(( can’t explain#he’s soooooo comfort shaped i love him 😞. god. wanna pepper kisses all over his face and tell him how happy he makes me and#how precious he is and how i’d actually commit arson for him 😭#also wanna kith those pretty moles 🥺🤏🏼 nnnnnnnn#why so babie if so huge 😔 he’s literally a giant puppy baby ashtsjjdhk GOD#when he laughs/giggles >>>>>>>>>!! my heart is hurting so BAD i’m so fond of him 😭😭😭#every now and then i find myself going; SIR WHY ARE U DOING THIS ARE U WILLING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY POOR HEART??#like loving him literally unlocked a whole new spectrum of emotions for me idk how to explain this like a sane person#in short this is like. the most fucking delulu i’ve ever been in my life 💀? or at least it feels like it...#😩 just one chance PLS!!! PLS I BEG!!!! :(( i’m so down bad it’s SO BAD#a very brainrot inducing man (the type i always fall for 😔?! started seeing the patterns hhhhh)#the amount of love my little body holds for him is insane 😷 (little in comparison to him btw... i’m generic female height 👾)#loving mingoo feels like a rainy night where you’re cuddling with your loved one under a blankie; about to fall asleep bc of how cozy u are#i wish words were enough to express how i feel about this man... but it really isn’t 😕!#he just means a lot to me okay?#he’s everything and beyond 💓 i love him like my whole life depends on it (although i’m like that for several people)#not my fault that my heart is so fucking big and it has separate places to store everyone i adore 💖#happy bday babylove 🥺 i hope your day is filled with the happiest of moments and you can celebrate properly 💕#it’s so sad that you’ll never know how much you mean to this random girl on the other side of the world :/#i’m so done for aren’t i? took like 40 minutes to type and everything... sigh. i love him so bad </3
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I think… I have figured out the reason I never get gendered as a guy anymore and it’s making me have…. A lot of really complex feelings
#most of my life I’ve been VERY androgynous#and ever since I cut off all of my hair when I was 16 and started dressing in men’s clothes#I tended to get gendered as a man or woman p equally by strangers#(until I talked because my voice tends to be a give away which is a whole other thing I have Thoughts about but that’s a different issue)#but in the past oh… idk… six months or so? I literally NEVER get gendered as a guy#it has happened ONCE#like sure ppl will ask for my pronouns but I know that’s just cuz I look like stereotypical genderqueer afab person#it’s not cuz they can’t tell what my gender is…#and I’ve been wondering what’s so different. why don’t I ever get gendered as a man anymore#I haven’t changed how I dress I still have a masculine haircut most of the time my facial features obviously haven’t changed#SO WHAT DID#I… I’ve figured it out….#I’ve gained weight. but only in my hips and thighs#all my pants that I’ve had for YEARS are suddenly too tight and too small around my hips and thighs#I’ve NEVER had curves anywhere before I was always stuck straight and now… I do#and like part of me wants to be happy. I’m gaining weight!!! I’ve always been so horrendously underweight#and I’ve battled severe disordered eating for so long that was the cause#this past year I’ve actually very steadily been eating three meals a day instead of one#I can eat whole portions without getting sick#and I’m really proud of myself for that like I’m def not upset I’m gaining weight#it’s just. it’s just that it’s literally all in my hips and thighs#and it’s giving me a more feminine figure which I’ve NEVER had before#and I know your body goes through more changes in your twenties and that’s probably part of it too#it’s just. I don’t want this. I don’t like this.#I haven’t felt genuinely dysphoric in a long time and now I want to crawl out of my skin whenever I look in a full body mirror#cuz I see it now. I see the change. and I just. do Not fucking Like It#but I can’t do anything about it 😭#and idk what to do#ugh#kaz rambles
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life is so beautiful and full of good !!!! every breath is one to be thankful for !!!! i can’t wait to wake up and do it all again tomorrow !!! i can’t wait to see what else i accomplish in the time i have !! i can’t wait to meet the people i’m meant to meet and have time with the friends i love and who love me !!!! i’m meant to thrive in this space i call my life !!!
#the past few days have left me absolutely singing#like literally. i’ve been singing so much more than usual.#my voice was one of those features i was never fully comfortable with and now it’s like i’m a completely different person#and i got to have a mini (very mini) family reunion over the weekend which was extremely needed#and i should be getting my car soon !!!!!#and i’m going to see will wood in november and i get to MEET him !?!!? ?!!!!!!!#i’m alr looking forward to this fall. i’m so excited to work more and be able to finally DRIVE !!!!!#i’m looking forward to drawing more and finally drafting my original story (the first one i’ve written since 2016 !!!!)#i’m so happy !!!!!#𓆩⟡𓆪 — siren’s song
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#bring me the horizon#bmth#music#ramble in the tags ignore;#double post because relistening to amo has made me hella emotional#recently my friend i started messaging in 2019 is currentpy undergoing treatment and its fucking with me i know my pain is literally#obselete#in this scenario because holy fucking shit they have a brain tumour what the fuck its so fucking cruel and i’ve been. crying listening to#this fucking song because i dont lnow what to fucking say anymore#how could i ever be so deeply attached to someone and have never met them in person#its fucking awful and i miss the days when we could send voice memos between shifts or school or family events to update eachother and talk#shit or editing kingdom hearts and kalegur#just got a notif from my other online friend who i have actually met in person once and they were so tired and i was so tired and while it#was awesome to meet them there’s so much time i still want to spend with them and who’s to say anything won’t happen to more people i know#i have another friend of 8.5 yrs and we joke about me moving out to mexico and being self sustainable and stuff and man i just want to be#with my friends happy and healthy and togetehr and just fucking okay jesus fuck#Spotify
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