#i'll just make it a tag in case people get tired of my bullshit

[analyticallyminded]

look i love the tall elf thing (and tbh i imagine jemma's family is quite tall bc i take a lot from lots of different sources bc. i can.)

but i love how tiny she is it brings me a special kind of joy

[n3ptoonz]

'May I?'

Pairing: Kenshi Takahashi/F!GangMember!Reader

Fandom: Mortal Kombat 1 (2023)

Warnings/tags: Smut, angst, fluff, canon-typical violence, praise, Kenshi is a romantic, female reader, did I mention Kenshi is a romantic, half proofread

Word count: 2.4k+

"Where. Is. Takahashi? That's all you have to answer, sweetheart." a goon whispered into your ear with nothing but malicious intentions. You were already emotionally and physically scarred, what more could they want? And how the fuck did they know you knew Kenshi?

"I told you a hundred times, I don't know where he is. In case something like this happened, he didn't tell me shit." your voice was worn from fighting for your life these last couple of days. You were tired and in pain. Your wrists lost all feeling, and you wanted nothing more than to crawl into a ditch and cease to exist.

Where Kenshi was had to be the least of your worries at the moment. Now, you wondered what the other goons did to the people in your clan. You wondered what happened to your parents after these freaks took you. You wondered just how long you've actually been here, as you're a little convinced you were knocked for a good 27 hours.

"Bullshit!" one man on your right stood up and kicked his chair towards a wall. Your head remained hanging low as you gave no reaction to it. All too used to these fucks trying to scare information out of you. The blindfold over your eyes was harshly removed, making you wince as the same guy grabbed your jaw and gave you the meanest mug you've ever seen.

"You knew he was conspiring against the boss. Do you think we give a damn about your little gang? These tattoos mean nothing! All of your lives are useless, you know. It's a shame all your people ran away too fast for us to round them all up. Truly admirable." he laughed, right in your face with his other friends.

"You think my people wanted to join some gang for protection? You all are cowards. Even if I knew his exact whereabouts, you'd get nothing out of me. Kill me if you must, I don't know what taking you so long." you spat out, gritting your teeth at the man with a hold on your face.

"Because you're bait, smart ass. Once he realizes you're not at your little hideout, we move-"

"Sir! There's a blind swordsman slicing his way through the front door!" a shorter man came running in with panic riddling his voice. A...blind swordsman? How the hell is that even possible?

The man released your face and turned to the door in confusion. "A what?"

"You heard me correctly, sir! He's killed twenty of our men already, we need to sto-"

Woah.

The room had very little light, the dimness making it difficult to see what was going on. All you could make out was the clamoring from the men getting stabbed and sliced up left and right. Just who is this guy?

Soon after you heard your name being called as the light in the room became brighter, making your eyes dilate in pain. You yelled out at the sudden brightness filling the room.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I had to make sure it was really you." the man who had just defeated all seven people in the room approached you, kneeling in front of you while your eyes adjusted. The first thing you noticed was the familiarity in his voice, but was ultimately confused when you laid your eyes on red cloth covering his eyes.

This...this couldn't be...

"...Kenshi?" you said, blinking to make sure. He's the blind swordsman?! But...that also means-

"You retrieved Sento...But you're blind?"

"It's really a long story, but I'll explain later. Right now I have to get you out of here." he said sternly, his voice slightly shaken being able to see how badly they hurt you through Sento. The defacing of your tattoos to the cigarette burn marks on the side of your face made him want to set this place ablaze.

"But I know you wanted to take down-"

"-Not my concern right now." he cut you off while undoing your hands and ankles, meticulous in making sure he didn't irritate your injuries.

You remained silent, way too spent to go back and forth with your lover. There were several moments you really thought he either wouldn't make it, or become too preoccupied with his goals to come back for you. The day you two accidentally met played in your mind over and over again to keep you sane, and now, finally, the madness was over. He really came back.

"I guess the bait worked." you mumbled, rolling your wrists and ankles slowly to get the feeling back. You rubbed your face in after shock and disbelief, just what were these last few days?

"Are you able to walk?" he asked, his tone soft and concerned. He gently took your hands in his, awaiting your answer. You could feel him trembling.

"Doubt it, they knocked me over a couple of times-" your words cut off, again, by the feeling of two strong arms lifting you from the old wooden chair that you're almost sure flattened your ass. You yelped in surprise, instinctively grabbing onto him as he carried you onto his back.

"They're on their way here so it's easier like thie. I'll try my best to avoid your injuries." he said, effortlessly running out with your weight atop his own. He, in fact, was not avoiding your injuries as they are practically everywhere, but you kept silent because it wasn't his fault. The world felt like it was spinning, making you close your eyes and let yourself rest for just a moment.

"It's going to be a while before we reach my place, please, rest up. Don't worry about me." Kenshi hoisted you up once more to maintain his grip, successfully leaving the building and heading off into the forest so he couldn't be tracked.

-

It's been a few weeks since. A few weeks of physical therapy, long baths, and most of all, peace. Kenshi has been in and out of the house tending to his duties elsewhere, still managing to check up on you everyday.

It's been a few weeks. A few weeks of not looking in the mirror and blame. Blaming who? Everybody. Every thing. Yourself. Kenshi. Hell, even your parents.

It's been a few weeks. A few weeks of picking at your bandages and sulking when catching a glimpse of your body littered with faded scars. The cigarette marks on your face looking like they grew faces and started pointing and laughing.

You have the training and willpower to fight. You should've just fought harder. You had the training- You know what? Fuck it. Fuck it all. Maybe you deserved it. Falling in love with a man who's a god damn Yakuza.

He didn't have a choice. And neither did you. So, give yourself a break, will ya?

Creeeak

The sound of the bathroom mirror being turned around filled your ears, making your jaw clench. Whenever Kenshi came home, you always quickly fixed the mirrors and wore a weak smile on your face to keep him from worrying. He had important duties that meant a lot to him, especially after joining a clan called the Shirai Ryu, which he held dearly.

Creee...akkk

You turned the mirror back around, staring yourself dead in the face. The dread in your eyes as you watched the burn marks twitch along with your mean mug. You slowly raised your hand to your face, poking at your scars, almost as if trying to make them disappear on command. You scoffed, placing your palms on the edge of the sink and looking down in shame. You pinched the bridge of your nose, trying to keep yourself composed.

Being deemed attractive was never really on your mind before, even when you and Kenshi met. But this, oh it took the biggest toll on your self esteem. Being told enough times that one of the intentions of the physical pain caused was so Kenshi wouldn't find you pretty anymore can fuck someone up. That was bullshit, and you knew it. However, it didn't stop you from thinking it a few times.

"Love?"

Your eyes snapped open to the sound of his voice, looking up and seeing his reflection in the mirror behind you. You reluctantly turned, greeted by a concerned Kenshi who just came home.

"You okay?" he spoke softly, walking towards you with caution. The expression on your face wasn't so clear to him yet, but he could sense your aura was imbalanced from a mile away.

The next words conjured up in your mind were now caught in your throat, unable to pass through smoothly. Any noise that was to come from you would probably make the waterworks start flowing.

Nothing else needed to be said. From your silence alone he just took you into his arms securely, showing no intention of letting go soon. He purposely caressed the side of your face with the most scars carefully, whispering sweet nothings and all forms of reassurance.

"I wouldn't worry about a blind man finding me attractive." he joked, rubbing your back. "Have you been suffering alone since we got here?"

You huffed a laugh through your nose at his comment, just slowly nodding against his chest.

"No more of that, please. I'm here whenever. I know I'm gone a lot, but you still need to tell me these things so I can help ease it as much as I can."

You hummed in response, feeling far more relaxed than you did five minutes ago. He backed up slightly, taking one of your hands and leading you out of the bathroom. He stopped in front of the body mirror next to the bed and made you face it, seeing you visibly about to protest.

"Ah, ah, this is me helping ease your worries."

Kenshi stripped himself of his uniform shirt, leaving his bare chest and pants. He stepped closer behind you and played with the bottom of your tank top in between his fingers.

"May I?" he muttered next to your ear.

You nodded and lifted your arms. Once it was off all you saw was what you've been avoiding these past few weeks. Although, to your surprise, your scars healed nicely. It wasn't as bad as you thought. All that there was left now was your bare chest and shorts (that were his).

Kenshi peppered your shoulders and neck with kisses where all the scars were. His strong hands gliding down your arms with tender, love, and care alone nearly made you dizzy. Your eyes closed shut and you exhaled in content, melting just under his affection.

"It appears to be working." he said playfully, now getting on his knees and turning you to face him. He continued his actions, giving you slow, attentive kisses on the scars that covered your torso.

"Perfection. You are perfection." he whispered.

Your longing desire only grew stronger by the second. Your hand brushing through his hair made him hum against you, smirking as he stood back up.

"I didn't forget," he said, cupping your cheeks and kissing them, giving extra on the side with the marks.

"Permission to make you mine tonight?" he added, and you knew exactly what he meant.

"I grant you full permission to make me yours, Kenshi Takahashi." you finally spoke in confidence, love and lust overtaking you all at once.

Once your back hit the soft, silk linens, Kenshi's entire demeanor took a big shift. His smooth, tattooed hands quickly worked their way down your body to strip off the rest of your clothes, soon following after. He groaned in satisfaction at the feeling of your warm skin against his palms.

Your breaths came together in sync with every connection of his hips. Each thrust having some sort of intent behind it. He wanted to take it slow at the start, silently letting you know how much he loved and cared for this canvas that was no longer empty. A few paint strokes here and there, but he didn't care not one bit.

Every joke has some truth to it, and he was a little serious when he mentioned his blindness. He remembers what you look like pre-traumatic event, so it's all just replaying in his mind as he fills in the blanks with the feeling of each scar and light dent under his hands.

The sounds of your breathless moans filled his ears deliciously, since it's what he mainly has to rely on now, he definitely feels reassured that he knows what he's doing.

You captured his lips with yours, muffling the crescendo of your voice as he kept reaching the exact spot that makes you lose your mind. Your nails dug into his shoulders with pure pleasure washing over you, as if you just couldn't take it anymore. You needed more.

"Kenshi...faster...please-" you muttered against his lips, shuddering at the feeling of him purposely stopping while being all the way inside you.

"As you wish." he said, slowly rolling you both over so that he was on his back and you were on top. Your trembling figure and hands gripping the sheets were the perfect indication that you were close.

Kenshi pulled you towards him to lay on his chest, holding your hips up and immediately getting to work. What was just the slow, romantic, and sensual Kenshi has left the building. Now was the Kenshi you met just half a year ago. The aggressive-when-he-needed-to-be, passionate, and goal-driven Kenshi who almost bested you if his hand didn't slip. This Kenshi was more than determined to have you cum first and himself after.

And that you did.

With his now fast paced and calculated thrusts hitting your sweet spot, he gripped your hips even harder as he got close. While you were letting yourself go on top of him, moaning and groaning uncontrollably in his ear, it was surely bringing him to his climax. Right before he let go, he sat up in the bed with you wrapped in one of his arms. The control he had was just impeccable.

He finally came, lifting you up so it didn't get inside you, but instead on your back. You haven't heard him curse this much in a while, which brought a tired smile to your face.

You both calmed down together, embracing each other and feeling your hearts beating at the same rate. You could feel the indents your nails left behind on his shoulder and back, seeing some red marks.

"Ah, that's gonna leave a mark," you murmured.

Kenshi chuckled, slightly untangling the embrace and resting his forehead on yours as he shrugged it off.

"Now we match."

[lixenn]

Overview

Since I’ve come out of my introverted gremlin cave and started to actually work regularly on my writing as well as posting my stuff on here, I’ve decided to structure my blog a bit. Mostly to prevent people from getting absolutely lost in this chaotic mess.  

I will try to keep this as updated as possible but there might be a bit of a delay between me posting new content and updating this, so please keep that in mind.

General info

My Ao3 account

Tags

#just rambling Lix' daily life in a nutshell #art nook art tag #science talk science ramblings #ask answered ask tag (<- might change in the future)

Ask box

If you have questions about any of my projects or just want to randomly scream at me about any topic that comes to mind, my inbox is open. Bother me anytime!

Katekyo Hitman Reborn

The KHR discord server is now online! It's a general server for the fandom. If you want to join just drop me a DM and I'll send you the invite link.

KHR writing prompts

Prompts are open, just drop them in my inbox and I'll see what the nonsense generator can fabricate!

Prompt rules/intro

Dan and Celeste

Dan and Vlasta

The Housekeeping AU

#the housekeeping AU #khr daniele costa #khr dave #khr valerie rebner #khr vlasta gast #khr marina costa #khr cilmi #khr yves

This is me playing around in the Varia sandbox, come and join me in my weird delusions!

Witness how the Head of Varia Housekeeping (my OC) is slowly but surely driven insane by crazy Assassin bullshit, meddling assistants (aka Dave), mountains of paperwork and Mafia politics.

(Btw the concept of my Varia Housekeeping was inspired by Umei_no_Mai whose worldbuilding is absolutely Godtier. I kneel before their greatness.)

Character profiles

Chief aka Daniele

Dave

Ottavio under edit

Valerie Rebner

The Varia Housekeeping survival guide (WIP currently updating on Ao3)

When you are the overworked and underappreciated head of Varia Housekeeping who is sick and tired of cleaning up your employees’ corpses and decide to write up an instruction manual for dealing with Varia's insanity.

Detective Dave is on the case (complete on Ao3 but might add something later on)

Dave has never been able to resist a good mystery, so when one of his informants was suddenly murdered under suspicious circumstances, what else is he supposed to do other than immediately stick his nose into other people's business? ("Can you for once in your life not poke the sleeping dragon with a stick?" "But Chief! A murder mystery! Delivered right to my front door!" "..." "Hey, we are you going? Chief? Chief! I still need you to sign these forms! Come back!" )

This is my crossover with Myell's Killer Whale AU, so if you aren't familiar with her 'verse this story might be a bit confusing, I recommend checking her stuff out first a then coming back to this one. (Shamelessly advertising my Buddy's story again hehehehe)

Unnamed Sequel (in planning stage)

Unlike the Varia survival guide, this work will hopefully have plot and a coherent story line. I’m still very much in the idea finding phase, so no clue when this is going to be published.

I now have a rough outline for the story, main plot plus romance side plot (I say side plot when the romance outline is much more detailed... *silently despairs*).

Current edited chapter count: 2/?

I will keep you updated on this project via completely unhinged ramblings, so… look forward to that (and yes, that is a threat!)

Snippets

Dan and Dave's first meeting

Things Chief once said

The Couch™️

Tea time

Fanfic recs

I've decided to indulge myself and finally make a list some of my favourite KHR fanfics, feel free to check it out!

Fic recs

Naruto

How Uzushio was saved by drunken seal shenanigans (WIP kinda on hold)

The story of how Uzumaki Ren – explosion specialist, seal master and everyone’s favourite mad scientist – saves his village from destruction, revolutionizes the medical field, adopts a puppy, and gives his Kage an aneurism. Not necessarily in that order.

Note: I’ve updated this recently and I still have stuff for it prewritten (but nothing post-worthy just yet), but since KHR has overtaken all my brain space, I’ll probably won’t work on this for a while. I’m still super attached to my mad scientist baby Ren, so there will be more content! … Just in the very far future 😅

[thankskenpenders]

Folks.

I am tired. I am so tired. I don't want to be making this post at 6 a.m. on the Saturday following the release of the new Sonic movie. (I would have made this post earlier in the night, but the ask box is still off because I'm supposed to be on hiatus while I finish my game, so I'm only hearing about this now.)

But, unfortunately, the ride never ends

The short version: Based on descriptions of certain scenes from fans, Penders believes that some of the echidna backstory stuff for Knuckles in the new movie is inspired by his work, like Sonic Chronicles before it. Because he was not involved and he is the legal owner of all of his Archie Sonic material, he is looking into pursuing legal action. (A lawsuit is not happening at the moment. We are at the "he's tweeting about wanting his lawyers to talk to Paramount's lawyers" stage. Well have to wait and see what happens after that.)

(This post will contain spoilers for some exposition dump lore stuff in Sonic 2. It does not spoil the ending or anything like that.)

Instead of paraphrasing him, here are his own words:

Now, a disclaimer: I haven't seen the movie. I'll be seeing it Monday at the soonest. I can't currently say how close the echidna stuff is to Ken's work

Based purely on his word here, the claim that Enerjak is in it because an echidna powers up with the Master Emerald sounds like a massive reach compared to the obvious inspiration the Nocturnus Clan took from the whole Dark Legion saga. Like, Sonic Team created the Master Emerald, and it's a power-granting macguffin belonging to the echidnas. That's just what it is, and it has been since before Penders wrote the whole Enerjak storyline. (And hell, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Ken should give himself more credit if he thinks "echidna who powered up with the Emerald" is all Dimitri/Enerjak is. That's one of his more fondly remembered characters!) Knuckles' dad in the film, on the other hand... well, again, I haven't seen it, but at least one person I know who's seen it genuinely thought it was Locke, so uh... he might have more of an argument there. Or it might literally just be "Knuckles has a dad." I don't know yet. Many people in his Twitter mentions are saying they're completely different, but people have been saying that about the Nocturnus Clan for years and that's complete bullshit, so I'm withholding judgment. I'll comment on this further in a few days after I've seen the movie

However, like me, Ken has also not seen the movie yet. He may or may not have a case here, but I think that him tweeting out all of this before he's even seen it with his own eyes is extremely foolish. Yes, fans are making comparisons, but there's also a segment of the fandom that's constantly tattling to him and snitching tagging him on Twitter over every little thing because they want him to start shit. And boy, this really doesn't do anything to dispel the "Penders thinks he owns the concept of echidnas or fictional characters having parents" jokes that I've been trying to clear up for years. Thanks, Ken

Look. Most Sonic fans don't like Penders. This goes without saying. But in all fairness, I will say that if they did base anything off of the material that Penders owns (and, again, can't confirm or deny that myself right now), then he should be compensated for that. Whatever your opinion of the old Archie legal battle, he owns that stuff, period. And no matter how much you like these movies, Paramount is not your friend. They're a huge media conglomerate, and this movie is gonna make hundreds of millions of dollars. They can afford to throw a comic guy a bone if they used his material. Comic creatives deserve to be compensated fairly for their work, even ones we don't like. Yeah, this whole situation is absurd, but I don't want folks to lose sight of that

Hopefully, if he does have a case, that's all that happens. He gets cut a paycheck and it ends there. If he doesn't have a case, he's up against fucking Paramount trying to defend their latest tentpole blockbuster film franchise. Whatever happens, I sincerely doubt that this will put future films in any sort of danger, so please don't let that fear color your response to this news. He does not want to cancel the movies. He wants royalties. And again, there is no lawsuit happening right now. Please do not go spreading around rumors about there being another lawsuit. We're currently at the phase where he tweets about wanting to talk to his lawyers, and tweets are not legal action

But boy. It just never ends, huh? Jesus fucking Christ. Whatever the end result, I bet Paramount's gonna be going over the story ideas for the Knuckles show with a fine-toothed comb. Or maybe they'll just pay Penders off and lean into it. Who knows! I don't. I am not a lawyer, I am a random furry artist who has become the Sisyphus of the Sonic comic fandom. Like Sisyphus, my torments never end, so expect more posts about this as this situation develops (if it goes anywhere)

(In the meantime: please don't bother arguing with Penders on Twitter about this. I know it's fun to try to ratio him, but no argument, no matter how airtight, is going to convince him of anything in the court of Twitter. Even if he is often full of shit, he is right when he says that he's successfully argued the case for his copyrights in court, and you are a random Sonic fan presumably less than half his age. It's not worth it. Go enjoy your weekend.)

[allegra-writes]

"Get Gone"

Cherry x Reader

General audiences

Warnings: Angst. No happy ending, but a hopeful one.

MY MASTERLIST

"How many times can it escalate

Till it elevates to a place I can't breathe?

And I must decide, if you must deride

That I'm much obliged to up and go

I'll idealize, then realize

That it's no sacrifice because the price is paid

And there's nothing left to grieve"

Get Gone - Fiona Apple

"You need to go away. Now!"

"No! No, I'm not going anywhere until I talk to y/n!"

"She's not here"

"That's bullshit, I can see her bedroom light on! Y/n! Y/N!!"

"Son" You couldn't help but flinch as your father's voice joined the commotion outside your window: His health was weak enough as it was, he didn't need that kind of stress on him "you need to leave before I call the police"

"Too late" Your sister's snappy tone let you know even her, usually mellow and sweet, had had enough, "I already did, and in the state you're in?" You didn't need to see him to guess how your boyfriend -no, not boyfriend,  fiancé- looked, disheveled with his ratty jeans and dirty hair. Hollowed cheeks and red eyed, probably very obviously stoned out of his mind. "I don't think you wanna run into them…"

"She means it, son. Y/n doesn't want to talk to you. Just get gone…" 

The loud crash followed by a car door being slammed and the hideous squeal of tires on pavement told you your fiancé had lost his temple, again, before giving up and leaving.

Only then, did you allow the tears that were trying to escape to finally flow freely.

It broke your mother's heart, to see her little girl's fragile frame being shaken by the violent sobs as she tried to drown her cries against the covers of her old childhood bed. 

And just like she used to do back when you were little, she started rubbing your back, hating the feeling of helplessness in front of a pain she couldn't protect you from.

"I don't understand" You could barely make out the sound of her voice over your own muffled screams, "honey… you're not the kind of girl to turn away from the people you love…" 

"I can't help him, mom" It was painful, trying to talk with your throat so raw after hours of crying, but somehow you managed, "I don't know what to do anymore and- and he is suffering, he's hurting himself but he's hurting me too and I can't…"

You didn't notice you were choking until your mom's rubbing turned into soft hits. She wrapped her arms around you, forcing you into a sitting position. A glass of water materialized in front of you, and you chugged it down.

"He needs professional help, mom…" you croaked, still holding onto the cold glass, as if it could physically support you, hold you up.

"I know"

"And I just can't…"

"I know, baby. I know…" 

Her sighed echoed your broken one, as she took the empty glass from your shaking hands. 

"I just can't see how this can be the right thing. Not when you still love him, not when it's making you cry like this."

You met her eyes, using every last bit of lucidity, every last ounce of clarity you possessed in trying to find the right words to explain in a way she could understand. 

"Yes, it hurts, and it's making me cry" You said, at last, with more conviction than you were feeling, praying with all your might that your words would prove true one day. That inner strength was one of those things you could fake till you made it. "And I'll probably keep on crying. In fact, I'll probably cry myself to sleep tonight. And tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the day after that. But one day, I won't. One day, I won't be crying anymore, and being away from him won't hurt as if someone were drilling a hole inside my chest.

And I won't be happy that day, but some day after that, I will. And one day, even further away from now, maybe… maybe I will even find love again," Your voice broke, but you went on, because maybe if you could make it through till the end, you could make it through, "and that time… that time, it won't hurt. And maybe that time, it will be forever, for real"

The world tilted to the side, out of focus once again, as your mother brought you into her arms, letting you bury your head against her chest, while she showered soft, soothing kisses on the top of your hair.

"You will, baby, I know you will. You are the strongest person I know" she admitted, prompting a fresh river of tears to fall from your eyes, soaking her sweater, "if anyone can do this, it's you. I'm so proud of you." 

You could feel the warm drops, the tears of her own, falling on your hair, but it was okay. Because for the first time that day, the tears were not tears of heartbreak, or pain. For the first time that day, you were not feeling sadness, or shame, or guilt, because for the first time that day, there wasn't any judgement or doubt in your mother's voice. She understood, and what was more, she believed in you.

And that allowed you to start believing in yourself too.

The End.

Author's note: I have made my opinion on writing fics based on the novelization and/or movie based on Nico Walker's life quite known in the past. More specifically, about the sexualization of romanticization of the characters or situations depicted in them. I said time and time again that I would neither read nor write works with Cherry as the protagonist and even blocked the tag for a while. 

However, today I had a talk with my aunt, and she made me realize I may have gone about the whole situation completely wrong. Cherry is toxic, no doubt about that, so every relationship in his life gets tainted with that toxicity. And he was that way long before his army days but… the girls seeing Tom as him in a movie are not the first to ever romanticize a soldier. 

My aunt belonged to a whole generation of teenagers that idealized war and the men going to fight it. They were their boyfriends, their husbands, in many cases their very first loves. And like many, she saw what her boyfriend did as an honorable duty. Like Emily, she thought the right thing to do was wait for her fiancé to come back. 

Like Cherry, he came back changed. He came back a broken man, and for a long time she felt like her moral duty was stick to his side until he recovered. 

But she was just a 19 year old kid, with mental health problems of her own, in no way equipped to handle his PTSD, his night terrors, violent outbursts or his budding addiction. 

The story you just read, is her story. Exactly as it happened, unembellished and true. The dialogs in it, the real words she and my now late grandmother exchanged. I have tears in my eyes as I write this, but she wanted me to share this story with you. Because, sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, you can't save them if they don't want to be saved and the only healthy thing you can do is save yourself. Because sometimes the right thing to do feels wrong. Because "ride or die" means in richness and in poverty, not setting your own life on fire because your partner's is up in flames (or, you know, becoming an addict because your partner does drugs). And because sometimes, when you realize someone is not good for you, the best thing you can do FOR YOURSELF like she said, is crying yourself to sleep every night because you have to stay away from them and it breaks your heart, but knowing one day… one day the tears will stop. 

[rpbetter]

Urgh. Okay, full disclosure, I haven't been on tumblr much over the last week or so, because I was one of the people that Raven initially called out after the COAR mess, and it was in the interest of my own mental health to fuck off for a while so I didn't stress myself out into oblivion. So I'm scrolling through most of this stuff for the first time, and talking to other people who were targeted. And pardon my French here, but I'm fucking disgusted at the lengths Raven has gone to assert themselves as a victim, how many people they've affected, and the waving around of something as serious as suicide for brownie points.

I have sympathy for people who overinterpret things in a strictly emotional and mental sense (actual reactions aside) because they lack the maturity. There's always a reason for that, and it's not their fault. And I have sympathy for people if they legitimately feel suicidal. That, too, isn't their fault. If I hadn't been blocked, I would've reported Raven in case their claims were true as well, because yeah, I don't mess around with that stuff either. But what's unacceptable is how Raven acted on those sentiments and behaved towards others, even after people tried to provide perspective. How Raven claimed to be done with the drama, but continued inciting it; how they claimed to be suicidal and had left tumblr, but wrote what amounts to a "fuck you" in their header and were still putzing around on their blog, and were apparently still editing their posts until as late as today; how they claimed to have deleted but only changed the url; how they weaponized all of this stuff and used it as a tool for guilt-tripping. Like, come on. It's okay if you're down in the dumps, but it's not okay to treat innocent people like garbage, and carpet bomb half the RPC. To me, it really feels like there was an intent to weaponize all of their hurt, offense, anger, and suicidal ideations, despite the possibility it did come from somewhere genuine, and that's so harmful to anyone who is actually struggling with depression.

Every time someone weaponizes mental illness in this way, it just makes people more and more apathetic the next time someone is genuinely just hurting, and saying they feel like they're at the end of their rope. And it makes people suspicious of whether those words are being used maliciously, or legitimately. That suspicion and that association is now there, unconscious or not. And every time this kind of stuff happens, the association gets stronger. What happens if Raven does this again? Some people will still report, but some people might just scoff and walk away - people who might've actually acted before. So in a way, that kind of behaviour impacts Raven as much as it impacts other people.

And you know what? They're not the only one dealing with serious shit. I've been suffering from MDD for the last fifteen years, and I've been in the process of changing medications and having little success for months. I've been going through hell offline. I have a shit list of people I want to yell at because they're dragging their feet on really important things I need to function; I'm constantly running a deficit on spoons. Until a week or so ago, roleplay was one of the only ways I could unwind. So for Raven to bully me by sticking that stupid post in my tags, because they needed to make a scene on COAR, which I was obviously going to comment on (like many other people), then to "like" an unsubstantiated callout about me and other innocent people related to that mess, it's only worsened my own mental health. It sounds melodramatic, but really. Someone else mentioned this too, but the fear of being in another callout, and the fear of that first callout somehow exploding, was in the back of my mind all week, despite being away from tumblr. So that was a little anxiety-inducing, much as I tried not to think about it.

And I'm debating whether to return now, or take more time off, and I have no idea what to do. Because that callout post is still in my blog's tag. I'm freaking out because I was planning on approaching some people to roleplay, which is something I rarely ever do, but now I'm concerned that I'll contact someone, they'll look at my tag to get an idea of my writing/partners/who I am, and see the callout post, and immediately dismiss me because even seeing the word "callout" on its own will send up red flags, by unconscious association with more impactful drama. And as long as that callout is up, these fears are going to be there.

That's just not fair.

And Raven's "apology" is completely unacceptable. Like you and others said, it doesn't reach anyone who needs to hear it, because they've all been blocked. I would fucking love an apology if it came from a place of honesty, but am I going to receive one? Probably not. And even for the followers who can still see that apology, it doesn't address anything. It isn't directed to anyone in particular. It doesn't mention the specific behaviours that were wrong on their part. And miss me with the "my intentions were good" part. No, they weren't; going around blocks and sticking shit in peoples' tags is vindictive and entirely intentional in all the worst ways, and shame on them for pretending otherwise, and by leading with such a poor example for many roleplayers, some of whom are in their teens. One of the people who tried to message Raven (they, too, were called out on Raven's blog) was speaking to a nineteen-year old who was completely clueless about the extent of the manipulation Raven was pulling. They thought all of it was normal and acceptable behaviour. That genuinely terrifies me. And while I imagine if Raven was genuinely apologetic, they would've gone to the callout blog and ask them to delete the callout post (attempt it, at the very least), somehow, I don't think that would've happened given all of their prior actions. God forbid something else is going on there.

Phew. Yeah, I'm angry. Maybe I'm just biased and tired. But honestly, I have a right to be. Raven's apology is a handwave, and they know it. It's a slap in the face to me, to you, and to everyone else who was involved in this clusterfuck. They're not the center of the universe. They affected real people, with real problems of their own. Anyways, I am so sorry for this, argh. Really had to get this out, and I didn't want to dump it on discord or somewhere else; I sure as heck didn't want to go to COAR with it. But hey, maybe people here will feel less alone if I added my own account to the mix. The more, the merrier? In a sense, anyways. Sometimes if you feel like you've been singled out, it's nice to know you're not actually the only person it's happened to.

Sorry for saving your reply for last, Anon. It's such an important one, I wanted to be properly thoughtful!

I think that it is going to make some people feel less alone, and there is always some relief in sharing one's trials. That might be especially true when one has been unable to share them anywhere else. It's not like you can address this on your own blog right now, COAR is definitely not a safe place to do so, it's a very isolating feeling that is made worse for having done nothing.

Coming back and being required to wade through this shit was really damn disgusting to me as well, but at least in my case, I had neither been obliged to distance myself for the sake of mental health nor was I treated to the sickening display of drumming up ideas of victimization from someone who victimized me. What I experienced was just incredulity and disgust, I cannot imagine how incensing this must be for you, I am so very sorry. If it makes me angry having a degree of removal and watching in it real time? What you're experiencing...there really isn't a single word to adequately encapsulate that, I'm sure.

You've still expressed so many of the things I've thought and felt. I found all that initial behavior uncalled for, shameful, yet another display of what's actually wrong in the RPC, but it was increasingly upsetting to me the more I looked into it because it did feel a little (a lot) too reminiscent of the sort of bullying experienced in person. It's really something else to be viciously picked at by someone who keeps upping the game until such point as it begins to cause them trouble, then get to be painted the wrongdoer and punished in some way for it because they're presenting as a sympathetic victim. A more sympathetic victim than you, that's really what I mean, I'm just going to say it.

And that was already in swing by the time I got from the launch point to the smoking crater of then current events. I got to Raven's again after bouncing back and forth between their interactions with others, largely from COAR, yes, and the shit on the callout blog...to see...everyone else being blamed in increasingly drastic ways.

Because on tumblr, unlike reality, if you throw out enough times ahead of time that you have disorders people can get behind, you're more sympathetic, not less. So long as one has set that foundation and has others to broadcast it once convenient, any horrible action one undertakes is given a pass. Anyone disagreeing, anyone not tolerating the abuse, is in the wrong now. In the worst possible way, of course.

This whole thing began with incredibly unnecessary bullshit and every, I mean fucking every, further action taken was a new level of fucked up, but the trivializing of and damage done to the perception of mental health and differences is quite possibly the worst. Are those things that need any more of that? It's already such a problem! I already see suspicion and fatigue with this, every time it's given validation, it grows.

Even if I wasn't mentally ill, with one of the disorders that gets vilified even on tumblr, even if I were not autistic, even if I never knew a single person who suffered worse than I do from the the complications they won by way of being born, hadn't anyone I loved that took their lives, this would be extremely upsetting to me. Using the idea that "whatever I do, it's got to be acceptable because I am X" while not caring that anyone else is X, Y, and/or Z. Weaponizing it for bullying and sympathy simultaneously. Way too much. Incredibly gross and harmful, legitimately fucking problematic.

I want people to be taken seriously when they choose to speak of the boundaries their mental health requires, I want muns to be able to say that they are having a difficult time without it coming off (even to the rest of us with mental health conditions) as a ploy for attention/guilting for whatever action they desire be taken by partners, and I want people to take threats of oncoming, serious harm seriously. How are they to do this, when it is continually used as tool or weaponized against others? At very best, it becomes another thing to ignore and scroll by on the dash.

As we've all had the misfortune to experience or witness so recently, once it is weaponized, it's a problem of priority. I've said in damn near every message I've gotten that Raven isn't the only person involved here who has serious shit going on, but like the absurdity with trying to spin an accident as transphobia, or having the audacity to attempt speaking from a place of peace in a way that might benefit everyone, Raven included, resulting in a callout about being against ND people...it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter that any of us are neurodivergent, have serious chronic mental health complications, or are not cisgender. Raven was swinging that around like a flaming sword to drive off bigots real and imagined before we ever got their attention.

Attention they fucking asked for.

Reblogging that post from COAR was just like posting those rules. The intention was to get attention, and it was asked for with extreme hostility. I have no idea how that is coming off to anyone as simply them defending themselves. It was a great moment to either not out themselves as the person in the confession at all, not engage with it, quietly remove the post, or to reblog it and take responsibility in a meaningful way at that point. Can you imagine what a difference that would have made then? If Raven had chosen instead to reblog it and apologize for doing what they had. Just that. No shitty, snide little comments about how they're sorry, but still absolutely correct and here are five reasons why everything they've misconstrued won't be tolerated. Just an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, an apology for doing so, and awareness gained moving forward.

Their decision to interact with that post in the way they did wasn't just more of the same nonsense, it was actively upping the game. I don't really care if it was intentional bait or just continuing to let malicious impulse run free, it was used as bait. Everyone who interacted with that post was effectively consigning themselves to harassment, and if they happened to interact on literally any other topic that group held a passionately opposing opinion on, they were attacked for it. Curiously, it became necessary for them to be harassed by way of the callout blog, but that is getting a little close to off-topic, so, I'll leave it at that.

So, while I initially really wanted to have the appeal to Raven work because their expressions of regret that I was greatly on the fence about being genuine, I'd say those flags were accurate. I cannot believe that someone who took every opportunity to do the wrong thing is genuinely sorry. Sorry for themselves, absolutely, sorry for anything they did, not so much. This constant narrative I got of "they SAID they were sorry" and "they apologized again and again and took the posts down," including from Raven, is incredible. On that last one, they, yet again, couldn't actually address me.

Appropriate response: messaging me or reblogging that post (you know, the rules snippet I found right the hell there still, despite the claim of it being deleted and the final catalyst of me needing to say something after I saw that, nope, surely was not) with the acknowledgment of a single thing I said.

Extra appropriate response: ^ plus going to everyone who could still be located that they harmed with a genuine, individual, private apology.

Inappropriate response that was had: new post, shitty, childish tone like they at once wanted to argue with me and didn't want to drop the act, restating of this apology that had already been deleted and meant exactly shit while it existed, restating of how they deleted this post and couldn't control reblogs, ignoring that I literally reblogged the original copy from their blog.

Apology neither believed nor accepted. Just as it wouldn't be if my nephew came to my house, broke a bunch of my things, said he was sorry while throwing the pieces at my pet, then threw himself on the floor screaming that he said he was sorry when I told him to go have a time out.

(Yes, I absolutely did just make a comparison to a child, y'all can shit yourselves again. It's not my problem if you want to misconstrue "this person's actions are not befitting of an adult" as "Vespertine said autistic people are children!" Fucking miss me with that. I'm an autistic adult who pays my bills, apologizes, doesn't treat people like shit while trying to excuse it by being ND. You're offensive with that shit, and contributing to the negative perception people have of those on the spectrum. Be a good ally today! Don't valid that! Free ninety-nine offer!)

Again, sorry for yourself does not equal being sorry for what you've done. The former can contribute to the development of the latter, but as I said in a response yesterday, there has been no display of that beginning to transpire. I genuinely hope that will eventually be the case because that would be the best outcome, the only "best" outcome at this point. Even if it was two years from now, if it did happen, I certainly would not be kind to people refusing them any such growth in peace, and I hope that, by some distant chance, I get to prove that.

But...stating "my intentions were good" over any part of this is not remotely promising. When? Where? At what point? Oh, right, when you took it upon yourself to label a random mun you took issue with. That's when your intentions were good. Then, when you vehemently needed to defend that point by callouts and individual attacks under the guise of it definitely not being about your pride, no! It was the defense of everyone else! Defending the community by carpet-bombing it, yes. This is not a "the path to Hell is paved with good intentions" situation.

I am so disturbed about the nineteen-year-old mun, my god. I'm telling y'all, my anger and disgust almost reach what I think is a pinnacle, then there's something new like this.

I don't even subscribe to tumblr's ideology that anyone under twenty-five is an actual infant who needs be kept in a protective bubble and forgiven for all bad behavior with infinite kindness, nineteen-year-olds deserve the agency of the adultier adults they are becoming, but it is a transitional age. Especially today. Most socialization and formative ideas take place online, and by the time younger RPers are entering the adult sphere of RP here, they've already got some really unhealthy ideas. About themselves, about others. There is such a demand for rabidly performative action that gets internalized, it shouldn't be being heartily fed by people in the community they might look up to.

At that age, someone like Raven is going to be a person looked up to. They espouse all the right ideas, and it's an age in which aggressive interaction over those things is seen as amusing and correct, no matter how wrong the actions taken are or the basis upon which they are founded. When these people foster an environment of cruelty for questioning, of course, that is not going to be the natural response. The response is now going to be the requirement of being told otherwise with adequate proof.

I have suspected that many of the hateful anons I've gotten were from Raven's even younger followers who feel like it's normal, acceptable, and that everything they're being told by Raven's sales team over at the callout blog is absolutely true. Of course, they're now morally obligated to come harass me for the things they were told I did! I think it's likely that several of the anons people got were from actual minors, which is so many levels of scary and irresponsible. Really great example all around, yes!

Because whether it is one's intention or not, that is potentially exposing minors, or muns who are still close enough to be more negatively impacted, to who even knows what. As well as violating the rules of blogs who do not interact with minors for good reason, setting those blogs up for yet another callout for treating someone they didn't know was a minor the way they did or having "freak shit" on their blog. Setting up the other party to be treated with full hostility as an adult would be. Very cool, very responsible.

There is just so much here that is unacceptable, I don't think people who were not directly impacted or have never had a callout against them understand the results, and that is one more unacceptable thing you've been good enough to talk about.

Even while taking a break from the RPC, it affects you negatively. Wondering what you're coming back to, your blog is no longer a safe feeling space, and there's nothing you can do to "cultivate your blog" to change that. They've taken away the ability to simply block and avoid others, the thing that keeps all of us comfortable here as well as allowing that to be all of us no matter how disagreeable we might be to each other. Callouts negate adult behavior. Callouts mean that one doesn't know where more potential for harassment might be coming from, or how long we might have to be worried about that.

It would be a major concern for me as well about what putting myself out there to new writing partners might bring. What the success of that might be. It's incredibly unfair that they've made finding new people precarious and more unpleasant than it can be anyway. That puts all of the future of your RP here in question, and if you're like me, just dropping a muse, picking up another, and moving to a new URL isn't going to be a good choice for you. It isn't that simple if you dedicate time to a muse for a long period of time, when that's the case, that's the RP you want to do and have laid the groundwork for.

I don't know if it will help at all, but it has seemed to me, over the past several days, that there are fewer people in the RPC who are inclined to believe or support callouts than there once was. I was hoping that was the case, since there is always so much interaction on my posts against callout culture, but until this crap went down, I had no idea just how many people are not positive toward it. It has seemed to be that the people who are inclined to listen to callouts are just louder.

I've also noticed that those people have the same set of red flags, so maybe sharing that will help you or others?

They don't have simple, basic, reasonable Do Not Interacts. It isn't simply asking that minors don't interact because the mun is over eighteen, that muns writing a triggering topic not interact, or that sort of thing. No, it's URL dropping of specific muns, outright links to callouts or "receipts," and an accusatory tone about any topics or types of muns who shouldn't interact. Such as "nasty ass proshippers" or "pedo apologists shipping incest."

Their rules are reflective this as well. A statement cannot be made that they do not write, let's say, toxic ships and left at that. There will be some morality wank present about normalizing or romanticizing toxic/abusive relationships.

There are less assured flags, but literally, anything that stands out as an interest in RPC or fandom-based activism as opposed to an interest in writing, their muses, or even their friendships with a variety of muns. I don't mean a rounded-out interest in things, I really do mean a glaring predominance of buzzword-laden reblogs and PSA's while they've not written a reply, headcanon, or answered a meme in months.

I'm not saying any of that because I feel like you, or anyone else's, judgment is terrible or that you're oblivious to warning signs! It's just that when we've experienced bad situations, it can compromise our ability to see clearly. It becomes easy to see a potential threat everywhere, and maybe that seems contrary, but it's then easy to fail to see real threats from those we're blowing up. We question whether we're being just as judgmental as the people who wronged us, putting words in other muns' mouths and thoughts in place of their own as was done to us. While we still are afraid to be wrong in giving someone an in to ruining our time again.

So, please, don't feel like I'm questioning your intelligence or speaking from a place of ultimate knowledge, never making mistakes in such a choice! I just really hate that you, and many others, are going through this, and anything at all that I can think of that might help you move forward from this utter bullshit you've been through, I've got to try to grab it.

Because, Anon, like all those sharing their experiences these last few days, you sound like the kind of mun we need in the RPC.

You're someone willing to share with others for the benefit of others. You're being honest about your feelings of anger and even the hopeless sensation of whether it's even worth it to try to return, having your progress on and offline stomped on, while still maintaining a sort of fairness and calm that I know is not easy. Because that's the mature thing to do, it's the right thing, and unfortunately, those are usually the harder things to do as well.

You did the right thing in expressing your opinion and doing what people like Raven's group love to be on about, can only do through bullying: not tolerating it. I'd hate for the RPC to lose someone like you!

Just as your message matters to more people out there than myself, I have no doubt that your choice to not quietly allow this behavior mattered to more muns than you'll ever know. I'm sure that none of them would have wanted this result for you, but so many muns have experienced such toxic, bullying behavior over the years in which not a soul spoke up.

Many of you proved something very important with challenging Raven and the callouts blog, that unlike them, it isn't necessary for good people to even know each other to do the right thing. They have to dogpile and engage in cliquish behavior, what they do isn't coming from a place of inner ethics and strength, but what you all did? It's the opposite.

So, not only do I thank you again for sharing and providing the important support of simply not being alone to others, I thank you for being the example to the RPC that people dealing in callouts and generalized shaming cannot be, no matter their platform.

I hope that, whether you choose to remain, leave, or take a very long break, everything you've been dealing with starts to look up. I know it's easy to say things made hollow for their repetition and flippant use, like telling you not to let them win, or that their bullshit just isn't that important. So, I'm not going to say them.

It doesn't work that way when you're dealing with mental health concerns! You can logically know that this is just petty bullshit not worth being run out of something important to you, but that doesn't stop the worry, frustration, or depression. You can have all the determination in the world to hang in there, even the spite to back it up, but neither is a match for the things you cannot control coming from your brain. That is the cruelty of mental illness on the very best of days.

You have all of my respect, support, and genuine sympathy that this happened to you. No one should be allowed to continually and unapologetically go out of their way to throw a wrench into someone's hard-won progress. You did nothing to deserve this, and the people out there worth interacting with are going to be the same ones who will have no question of that.

Lastly, I also hope that some of the anons sharing their experiences have helped you feel less alone, or like you're not just irrationally upset. Please know that you're seen and supported as well! And that you are always welcome to talk more, vent, share successes here.

Thank you, Anon.

[trekwiz]

Get to Know You

@theboyinacorner tagged me to do this, so be sure to check out his blog, too!

Favourite colour?

Green is my main favorite. I also really like blues. I think I look best in black and reds, though.

Currently reading?

Tumblr. If you meant books, that's not something I enjoy.

Last Song?

I'm just going to highlight my little pet project playlist, because I've been listening to it non-stop for the last two weeks. It's only 3 hours of music, so I don't feel so bad counting it as one last song.

It's all music where the narrator or characters are gay. Not innuendo; completely, overtly gay. It's generally equivalent to the hetero bullshit I'd have been listening to anyway, and it's relatively fast paced. It's fun "radio music."

Last Movie?

The Jurassic Games. It wasn't very good. But... Ryan Merriman.

Last Series?

My boyfriend and I have been watching Golden Girls and M*A*S*H.

Sweet, savoury or spicy?

Yes, please.

Craving?

A very long sabbatical.

Tea or coffee?

If I had to choose one, I'd say coffee is worse. But both are pretty disgusting.

Currently working on?

It's related to the playlist I shared. I've been pretty angry over the years that the amount of gay media is pitifully bad. I'm tired of getting scraps in videogames, and being token side characters on TV. The good content is generally not in the genres I enjoy. Even music is difficult to find gay content that's escapist fantasy.

If I'm trying to have fun, I don't really want media that's going to remind me of what I'm struggling through. Even the rare happy ending isn't satisfying; I haven't engaged in a fantasy, I've just watched someone else survive the same depressing life I've lived. It's not enjoyable to me. If I want gay trauma, I can just stroll down memory lane.

I got into my career, video production, in hopes of changing that media landscape. Of bringing gay characters to the screen and one day getting content solely comprised of gay characters.

It's been exhausting. I didn't have any luck in that regard, and had some painful experiences on the way. Ended up getting involved with indie film, and found it's just too expensive and exhausting to have any kind of impact without burning myself out. It was overwhelming.

I realized it's actually (relatively, compared to indie film) somewhat affordable to commission music. My salary isn't going to allow it to happen often, but it's a thing I can do to bring the media I want into the world.

I commissioned my first song a couple weeks ago; I was only able to find 3 gay sea shanties (I'm using the term broadly, it's not a true shanty), so that's where I decided to start. I had to hire a hetero musician and songwriter--I used the resources available to me, though I'd really like to build up an LGBT network I can go to for these commissions in the future--but I had final approval on the instrumentation and lyrics, to guarantee it met my needs.

My commission included commercial and distribution rights, too. I separately commissioned a logo, and some cover art--the art, at least, is from a very talented gay artist friend of mine. When the cover art is complete, I'll be distributing the song on Spotify and other music stores, in hopes of offsetting (minimally, I imagine) the costs of future commissions.

The experience, so far, has been one of the most enjoyable ways of bringing about my creative vision. I feel like I don't have to be good at every little thing to get the content I want. People are providing what I'm asking for to my specs--I'm not being told no by decision-makers anymore, because I am the decision-maker. Not because I climbed my way up, but just because I said so.

I can get quality, without having to prove that I'm perfect and capable of doing it myself. I can just ask for the things I want and get them--no business case, no argument, no proof of concept to show it's worthwhile. It's a shortcut I don't have at my job.

And since I'm doing it for me as a side project, I don't have to worry about the things that currently prevent this kind of media from existing. There is no record label telling me to appeal to a wider audience--I'm an amateur jumping into DIY distribution. As an amateur, I don't have to worry that gay lyrics will end my music career--I don't have a music career to end.

I don't have to worry about appealing to a manager. I don't have to worry about having my ideas tweaked by a senior member of the team to make it less "me". I don't even have to worry about not having an audience--because I'm going to keep commissioning this kind of content for me, even if no one's going to stream it for royalties.

I'm saying fuck it, and bringing the content I want, to life.

[obsessivestar]

Steamy Love (Tom Hiddleston x Reader) Part 6: ~Look at Me~

Summary: Your big day has finally arrived. You get on that big plane and finally arrive to paradise. Everything's perfect!...sort of.

A/N: Wowie, Star posting 2 chapters in 1 week? Got really excited to write this chapter n' I wanted y'all to freak out with me k thANKS

Warnings: Angst-ish?? anxiety and fluff

Read it on my Wattpad: @/HiddlesStar

Word count: 1'710

Tags: @theoneanna @midnightdragonzero @drakesfiance @kcd15 @ihthr @deviantsendbyreallife

Getting to your flight and the plane ride itself seemed to go by super quickly, especially since you had fallen asleep on the plane. You know you and Tom wouldn't start officially shooting any scenes until next week, so you didn't mind messing up your sleeping schedule. You made sure to bring your anxiety medication, as well as some extra sleeping pills just in case. You know people aren't too big on sleeping pills, and you really aren't either, but you needed something for when worst comes go worst.

For now, though, you landed at the airport and got in a cab to head to Paradise.

Literally. That's the name of the town. Paradise, Pennsylvania.

Got a population of like 1000 people, 2 of those people were going to be you and Tom. You remembered your call with him from last night. You were happy to make him happy.

God, everything was just working out perfectly.

"What do you mean it's not my house?"

Once you had reached the little town, you were stopped by a couple businessmen from entering the house you had rented.

"I paid to rent it for the time I'm going to be filming here! I paid for it literally last week!"

"Well, the payment wasn't confirmed, ma'am.." one of the men spoke, crossing their arms.

"What do you mean it wasn't confirmed!?" You raised your voice, already feeling your hands start to shiver like crazy. "I literally have the paperwork in my luggage that tells me I'm renting this house!"

You heard the sound of a car pull into the neighborhood behind you, but you didn't care to turn around to see who was getting out.

"There's nothing we can do now, ma'am. If you'd like to rent out this house, you'd have to re-apply next month..."

"I-I don't have that time!" You yelled. "How am I supposed to re-apply when I don't have a house to sleep in?!" You started feeling your eyes wanting to water. This was the one thing, the one fucking thing that could go wrong. Everything was perfect until now. It's all suddenly falling apart right in front of your eyes, or at least it feels that way.

They just shrug and return to their own car, driving off rather recklessly.

You let your luggage fall out of your grip as a tear falls down your cheek, feeling a hand touch your shoulder. You flinched and turned around to look at whoever was there to tell them off, but seeing who it was made you instantly silent.

"Are you alright?" Tom asked you in a soft voice. "What happened?.."

You couldn't even answer. You were shaking. Literally shivering, right in front of your co-actor. You looked away in a last attempt to hide your tears. He probably thinks you're just overreacting. You certainly feel like you are.

"(Y/N), you're shaking.." He spoke again, his hands moving down to your hands to hold them. He was right. You were shivering for multiple reasons. Your anxiety had gone through the roof, and you were cold.

You brought your hands up to your face to hide yourself before he could hold them, letting out a defeated whimper.

"Hey...hey.." He spoke in a softer tone reaching for your hands once again despite you resisting. "(Y/N), look at me...look at me.." He finally got to hold both of your hands, feeling his warm palms holding yours. Yours were cold and shaky. Uncontrollably shaky.

You looked up at him, looking into his kind baby blues.

"You're shaking..did you eat before you got on the plane?.." He asked you. Truth is, you hadn't. You didn't have enough time to grab a bite this morning.

You shook your head at him, feeling him hold your hands a little tighter to warm them up.

"Come with me to my place. I'll make you some breakfast and a cup of tea, then you can tell me what happened, alright?.."

You gazed up at him for a moment before giving a silent little nod, seeing a soft smile grow on his face once he got your approval.

Still carrying his own bags, he also carried some of your luggage into his new little home. His home was slightly bigger than the one you were supposed to rent, but it was perfect. You let him set everything down in the living room before bringing you to the kitchen, getting out some pans and a kettle to make you up some food and tea, like he promised.

"So, what exactly happened?" Tom asked as you sat down on one of the kitchen chairs.

"I-I thought I had the house rented and ready to go for this week...b-but they told me it 'wasn't confirmed' or some stupid bullshit.." You muttered, taking a tissue from the table. "And now I have no where to go for the first month.."

The kettle didn't take long to boil, but it gave Tom time to move to the fridge to get some milk after placing a tea bag in a mug.

"...Sounds shitty.." Tom spoke, earning a little sad chuckle from you.

"It's more than shitty." You responded, looking up at him. He fixed up your tea just the way you like it, placing it down on the table for you.

"Well, the last bit doesn't have to be completely true." Tom admitted with a friendly shrug. "You could stay here, for the time being."

"You mean, like...live with you?" You asked, a faint blush on his cheeks. Was he really offering that?

"Yes." He confirmed with a nod. "I promise I'm not too difficult to live with." Tom joked with a friendly little smile, earning a slight smile from you as well.

While you knew you didn't have much of a choice, you had wondered if you would've denied the invitation had you been given another option.

"O-Okay.." You agreed, using a softer tone. "I-If that's okay with you.."

"It's fine by me. Broke my heart seeing you out there in tears.." He admitted, placing a hand on his clothed chest before turning back to focus on the food. You felt your heartbeat for a moment there. He's so sweet..

He was making up a breakfast for you, cooking some eggs and hashbrowns on separate pans. The room was silent as he cooked, though it wasn't an unsettling silence. You could actually slowly feel a strange comforting feeling settle in as he cooked for you. You were tired from the tears, but you felt safe. You felt safe with Tom.

Before you knew it, your breakfast was laid down in front of you. Tom sat across from you with a cup of tea of his own.

"There you are. Eat up.." He spoke, doing that little puppy dog thing with his eyes. You know the one.

You gave a soft smile. "Thank you.." You spoke before finally eating. Though it was a simple breakfast, it was really good, kinda like the ones you'd have at a really good breakfast diner.

"How long did you sleep after our call last night?" Tom asked curiously. It was nice to know he remembered it, too.

"I don't know...like...2 hours, maybe?" You replied with a bit of a frown. "I fell asleep on the plane, but I don't think it helped. I'm still exhausted.."

"Would you like to take a nap after you're done eating?.." Tom asked, his elbow resting on the table, his hand holding his head up. You shook your head. "I don't want to end up staying up all night.."

"Hence why I said 'nap'" Tom pointed at you for a moment with a cute little chuckle, getting up from the chair. "You finish eating, and I'll go set up your room.."

He left the kitchen, leaving you to your food. Were you really going to be living with Tom for a whole month? You can imagine that being some super fan's dream come true. The thought of it made you smile to yourself.

Once you finished eating, you put your empty plate in the sink, turning around when you heard him come back into the kitchen. He could see from even such a distance that you had little bags under your eyes. You're so tired after getting all overwhelmed.

"You really look tired.." Tom gave a friendly little smile, gently placing a hand on your arm to gesture you to wall with him. "Come, your bed is all made up." Every little touch from him felt warm.

"Thank you.." You spoke in a soft tone, walking with him out of the kitchen and down the hall. He opened the bedroom door for you, allowing you to walk in. You weren't sure if it was because of the bed itself or how he made it, but it looked so warm and comfy. Your luggage was now by the empty white dresser. He must've brought that in while you were eating. How kind of him.

"I can help you unpack once you wake up, to make it seem a little bit more like your room.." Tom offered, stepping to you somewhat. You turned around, giving him a warm smile. "Thank you so much for letting me stay here.." You spoke. "You've honestly saved my life.."

Tom gave a soft little smile. "Don't you worry your pretty little head about anything. I'll take care of you while you get all the paperwork sorted out.."

You gave a little sigh of relief, giving one last thank you before he'd turn back to the door, standing on the other side of the door frame.

You never actually asked him what time he was going to wake you, so you walked up to him to talk to him again.

"Tom, actually, when--"

Just as you stopped, he turned around to look at you, your faces becoming suddenly close. Your noses just barely brushed up against one another, his blue eyes looking up into yours before slightly glancing down to your lips. You felt a shaky breath escape, then without a second thought, he closed the gap between you two, closing his eyes as your lips connected.