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xiu21chen99 · 4 years

Text

hxh headcanon/imagine.

again... still about hisoillu but about their engagement instead of illu's influenced fashion choice.

also this is more of... idk it gave reason why they chose to marry instead of uh other ways i guess??

i've seen so many fanarts where illu would break the news to the zoldycks or how killu would react to having hisoka as his brother in law- like srsly it's meme worthy at this point- and lotsa ones that showed how hisoka proposed as a joke or smtg but... I've been overthinking abt it these past few days sO i present to you how i think "the big question aka the proposal" happened... (manga spoilers??)

it's after hisoka resurrected himself obviously, and def after he killed kortopi and shalnark (so he knew there was gonna be empty slots in the spiders' lineup)

i imagine illu went back to the zoldyck estate after the whole fiasco and only heard of hisoka's "death" from rumors while he was on a mission

and then when he was idk maybe contemplating on whether or not he should visit the body(?) to pay respects or something, he gets a text message from the devil himself

their text went like this probably:

hisoka: hey~ where are you right now?♠️ (and no u can't tell me hisoka doesn't text w card suits u just can't-)

illumi: who are you and how did you get the phone you are currently using?

hisoka: ooh~ illu~ i feel betrayed, did you delete my number?♣️

illumi: hisoka is dead

hisoka: *image attached*

illumi: oh

illumi: hello hisoka, how are you still alive?

hisoka: you sound disappointed~♦️

illumi: i kind of am...

hisoka: rude, just tell me where you are♥️

...and that's how they met up?? ngl i think illu has a know-it-all syndrome where he just has to,,, k n o w everything

he's curious so he agrees to the meetup ofc

he's also surprised when he sees hisoka is in good shape when they meet (idk at a bar in an unknown city?)

they drink whiskey on the rocks because... you know...

hisoka explains how he survived and his next plan of action (which is terminate the spiders)

illumi makes a mental note of nen after death bc he's heard and seen it all before but... not to this extent,

this is gonna be,,, bland but i think this is the logic behind why hisoka chose to get married/engaged instead of just paying up front (reference to the ten dons' commission to get chrollo killed and chrollo's commission to get the ten dons killed)--

anyways here's how their conversation goes:

i: "why did you want to talk in person?"

h: "oh y'know, for old times sake."

i: "...right"

hisoka laughs, "okay so maybe i want to ask you for a favor..?"

confused, illumi asks, "why could you not have just texted if you wanted me to kill someone for you?"

h: "no, no- wait, actually, you're not too far off."

i: ~mOrE cOnfUsiOn~ "huh?"

h: "how do contracts for assassination work in your... family business?"

i: "half the promised pay before, the remaining half afterwards. should the target be eliminated by a third party, the assigned zoldyck still gets the pay and should the employer die, then the contract is terminated and the zoldyck will report back immediately."

h: "and has anyone made a contract to have themselves terminated?"

i: "i beg your pardon?"

h: "what complications will arise should your employer's target be... themselves?"

i: "i believe... i have never encountered such circumstance before. the people who hire us are those who have enough money and resource to have their enemies killed quickly. no one's tried to test the zoldyck assassination prowess."

h: "so... how will that work?"

i: "are you implying this is the reason why you have contacted me today?"

h: "yes~ ♥️" (how he said a heart emoji out loud is up to you, reader)

i: "it will be a pointless paradox. logically, the zoldyck will only get the employment bill. and i, myself, do not find pleasure in going for the kill like you lest i get my reward, so you will not get a contract out of me, hisoka."

h: "is there no leeway?"

i: "a zoldyck stands up to their word. so no."

h: "even for a friend?~ ♦️"

i: "we are not friends, hisoka-"

hisoka raises his glass of whiskey along with his eyebrow.

i: "oh..."

h: "didn't you tell dear killua that a zoldyck didn't need friends?"

i: "you... are an associate, someone reliable in the killing world. it's different."

h: "hypocrite"

i: "i ask you for favors and you make me return them. it is not like we spend our time together leisurely like killu with that island boy..."

hisoka clinks their matching glasses of whiskey even though his is already empty, a shit-eating grin on his lips.

i: "you suggested we meet here."

h: "this isn't the first time we went out to drink, right illu?"

i: "regardless!! i will not kill you just for half the money. i do not like wasting efforts on fruitless missions."

h: "as i said, is there no exception, to make sure you get my money if you were to succeed in killing me?"

i: "are you doubting my skill, hisoka?"

h: "that's not the point right now~ ♠️"

i: "wait, why do you want me to get all of your money?"

h: "haven't we just gotten over this subject? because you're my friend, of course."

i: "i... we are not friends, hisoka."

hisoka claps, "that's it! illumi!! ♣️"

i: "eh?"

h: "marry me! that way in our prenup I'll make sure you get all of my money, and even without a prenup you'll still get it since you'll be my only relative! that solves it!"

i: "hisoka, are you sure death did not took a toll on your brain? you did say you used Bungee Gum only on your heart and lungs..."

h: "i'm being serious, illumi!! and doesn't this solve your earlier conflict? we don't have to be friends, we'll be husbands!"

i: "do not use that tactic with me, you manipulative bastard. stop joking."

h: "this is purely beneficial for you, honestly i don't get why you just won't accept it."

i: "then humor me this first, why now?"

h: "dear illu, i've been to literal hell and back. i think it's time to leave my mark in case i fail to escape death again."

i: "was it that bad?"

h: "you'll love it there, illu~ ♥️"

h: "on a more serious note, though, i do plan to marry you. out of everyone i've encountered, you're the most eligible candidate. you're powerful, fully capable and extremely pretty to boot! you're the ideal husband!"

(blushing obviously, illumi downs the remaining whiskey in his glass) i: "death has changed you, hisoka."

h: "so?"

i: "fine."

h: "excellent!"

and in one fell swoop, illumi has a pin against the curve of hisoka's jugular, wrist held tightly by hisoka- a card matching against his own neck.

"not yet, dear husband." hisoka whispered into his ear, "we have to manage the papers first. and i've a request before you do."

they let each other go at the same time, not even breathing an unnecessary breath in the other's personal space (well, they're nearly pressed thigh to thigh anyways, what's the point of personal space anymore-)

"a condition rather than a request, really."

"what?" hisoka orders them refills, and downs his when it arrives.

"join the ryodan first."

glass already pressed on thin lips, illumi's confused hum resonates softly into the concave utensil. "why?"

"so things can get more interesting. i assume you know of the dark continent expedition that's soon to take place?"

"father has advised i take part on it, since kalluto told me the ryodan plans to rob some cliches who'll join the expedition- to look after him. you want me to join them?"

"yes, and i plan to board as well, don't fret."

illumi's eyes turn to slits, "how should i know you would be there? i can't take your word when you might just disappear when we've all boarded."

hisoka grins, wide then wider, "you should know by now illu, i plan to avenge my wounded pride. that damned chrollo didn't even fight me properly."

tilting his head, illumi stared at the man beside him, "is that not contradictory? i thought you did not mind your opponent using whatever means necessary to win?"

"magicians use tricks and misdirection to awe the audience," hisoka says almost thoughtlessly, "chrollo's a narcissistic hypnotist who used the audience as a damned shield because he knew he couldn't handle me face-to-face."

he groans, tinged in regret. "i shouldn't have picked heaven's arena, if i'd chosen a more discreet location then maybe the damage won't be this bad."

"damage?" illumi rests his chin on his palm, facing his husband.

hisoka swipes a hand over his face, and the glamour comes off. the picture he sent illumi now present in front of him. he was missing a nose, his left hand didn't have any finger left and dried blood chipped on his white skin. "oh."

with another swipe, everything's made correct again. hisoka was grinning again. he downs the remaining alcohol and leaves jenny bills under the emptied glass.

"come, lovely husband. we're to elope and legalize our union!"

illumi follows suit after downing his own glass, "i think there might be another loop hole, if you were to join the family. zoldycks do not kill family."

"so if i were to wed you, here and now, you'd think me more of a family than alluka?"

"alluka is not family."

"are those your words, illumi? or silva's?"

"i..."

"wow, you're really just as fucked up as i am."

"where do you plan to take me? i've just said i cannot kill family."

hisoka chuckles, "then you're the one to take my name, of course."

"preposterous!"

"who the hell still uses that word?"

"i am and will always be a zoldyck-"

"exactly. it's just legal papers, if you kill me then you'll just be a widow and even get your name back! see how everything'll work out in the end?"

"hisoka-"

"are you doubting your skill of assassination, my dearest husband?"

"... i better get the most expensive ring in this damned city."

"that's the spirit! now let's go get married!"

"wait, hisoka. what is your last name?"

later that night, when they leave a chapel, something gold glimmers on hisoka's bungee gum/texture surprise ring finger. a matching one around illumi's finger.

unlike hisoka, though, illumi had an extra red glimmer right under that gold, in the dead center of a silver band of intricately designed pattern. hisoka had foregone the traditional diamond in favor of a 16 carat ruby engagement ring, such a curious choice but illumi accepted it all the same...

(much later on, hisoka took both rings as collateral and reminded illumi that he would get them back even if he died bc it was in their damn prenup- and bc it was technically bought under illumis name and that's how hisoka assured illu that he'd be on that black whale,,, bc he had the rings and planned to give them back to him there)

"I thought a red gemstone was better suited for the rather bloody and murderous ending that our relationship will inevitably come to, wouldn't you agree?"

-Hisoka Morow whenever someone mentions his preference of proposal ring...

"I disagree with most of his ideals, our relationship has always had a fragile foundation, and I knew from the start that we'd eventually end up killing each other."

-Illumi Morow, nee Zoldyck when asked about his thoughts on his husband...

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hotchley · 3 years

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hey sumayyah! i saw your sign!! I'm writing the JJ & Emily parts of the really out of the blue and shitty mini-whatever it is 💀 and hopefully I'll figure out how to shorten it or something lmaoo

but i wanted to come here and talk for awhile i guess

it's like, 2am where i am right now and I'm just so drained mentally like idk i can't seem to focus on getting all my work done (school work) and i just submitted a fake corrupted file to pass off as my homework because i haven't been able to finish it (it's not graded or anything it's just 2 biology practice papers for revision for the upcoming exam but they're really long & biology is not my strong subject......)

like I'm 60-70% done on both papers and yeah i feel so bad for doing what i did and i am still planning on finishing those 2 papers (both as legitimate practice/revision & just in case my teachers do check and decide to ask me to resubmit/send them the file through another channel) and idk i obviously can't really talk to any one in school about this so i came here.... sorry for this bout of negativity i just feel so drained inside and it's not even the first time.... I'm on my break right now (mid years break) but my break is ending in roughly 4-5 more days? and I've felt unmotivated and horrible throughout the entire break idk :/ idk if this is just burn out or something else.... I've been planning on finding a therapist/professional to talk to? but 1. i can't exactly do it "openly" because i come from a rather conservative family and mental health issues (& sexuality etc) aren't things we talk about in my family.... and 2. I'm still a full-time student & I'm not sure of what services are available + the costs and all the other concerns? so like idk I'm not even sure where to start :(

and because I've been feeling like cr*p most of the time the last 3 weeks, I've done absolutely nothing & so i have TONS of school assignments piled up (those that were due during the break I've finished (somehow lmao) and submitted, but those that are due AFTER the break when school reopens.... i have completely not touched) & the worst thing is I'm not even entirely sure what's my entire workload.... so i definitely have to start seriously getting my work done from tomorrow (technically today) onwards.... but like i genuinely have a hard time focusing on work and I'm not sure if it's just my issues with procrastination or if i have a genuine illness or something and i don't want to self diagnose so I've been trying to not think about this but lately it's been so hard because i can't even finish my work on time and exams are coming and it's just really affecting me? and it's getting worse? i don't even have anyone i can truly talk to about this irl too and SKDJSKSNS idk 😭😭

i am SO SORRY for all the negativity!!!!! i just felt so alone and really had to vent somewhere i am so sorry, feel free to delete this ask if you're uncomfortable 🥺

i hope you're having a much better day/night and i love you ❤️ your blog (& cm Tumblr) is really giving me hope & keeping me alive, if i can put it that way 🥺♥️♥️ thank you for being you, and thank you for simply existing. I'm sorry things got so depressing all of a sudden lmao I'll be fine (eventually, probably)

- 🌙

I feel like my answer got long, so I put it under the cut :)

YAY!

Also, I did see this when you initially sent it, but I'm working on boundaries and priorities, which is why I didn't answer it then- I just needed a break <3

Look, you're learning during a pandemic that has disrupted everything and caused a lot of pain and stress. One corrupted file does not make you a bad student. You're still going to try.

There were so many days during lockdown where I just... didn't submit any work, and then I would submit it later saying the thing broke- which seemed believable because the thing we used never functioned properly.

And we cannot be happy or perfect all the time. Sometimes we need to share our problems. I have always said you can talk to me, it just may take me a few days depending on my own situation, and I stand by that.

Sometimes breaks just make us more miserable. Sometimes it is just genuinely a phase that you will snap out of. Sometimes it isn't. Either way, you need to let yourself feel this. Don't try and bury it. That'll be worse.

So when it comes to therapists, if you've been thinking of seeing one, go for it. Chances are, it'll help.

I get what you mean. I don't know what it's like where you are, but in England, everyone over 16 has control over the medical stuff. That basically means your parents cannot be told what you're doing, and you can do things without their knowledge. If I wanted to make an appointment, I wouldn't need to tell them I was making it, or what was discussed. Neither can the doctors.

I asked one of my friends (I have consent to share this), and she said that she went through the BetterHelp website, and that it's really helping her. Now I know BetterHelp had some real serious problems, so I would be cautious, but that is one option. Hers is between £50-£60 a session, but there were cheaper options.

You could also go through your school!! My school has what is called a "well-being practitioner" who you can just go and see when you're feeling down, and it all remains confidential UNLESS they think intervention is needed. So you could see if there are any sessions they do, or if there's any help you can get from them :)

I have seen SO, SO many teachers on TikTok recently say two things: ask them for help if you need it, and they will give it, and just do something. I don't know what you're teachers are like, but they're probably stressed and burnt out too. If you need an extension or a break or help, they'll do their best.

And if you can't do everything, then just do one thing. Do your favourite subject, or the easiest thing. I know people say do the hardest thing first because then everything gets easier, but the one time I did that, I started crying and I gave up for a good three days so...

If you've done extensive research, then maybe it is something, and if you think that there is that, then you should try and get tested <3 and it's okay if there really is nothing. Sometimes brains are weird

You don't ever have to apologise for being human <3 Remember how I mentioned crying for twenty minutes to my history teacher? I said the same thing to him: that I feel bad talking about these things because everyone has their own problems. His response was: well yes, but there are so many people that want to help you. And they would tell you if you were being a burden.

You need to trust that. And it's hard. It's painful. It's difficult. But I promise you, telling someone will always be better than bottling it up- and this comes from the person that was pissed for six weeks because I got a phone call home from someone higher up because previously mentioned history teacher told them that I was not doing great

I love you too!!

And sometimes life gets you down! That's okay! Things will get better! Maybe this isn't healthy, but my thing is: things will work out, and things will get better because they need to, and I refuse to believe I am living a life where they won't.

You will be fine! I have every faith in you!!

#🌙anon #people talk to me

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sweethomelima · 5 years

Conversation

Text || Samcedes

Mercy: Sam, hey its Mercedes

Mercy: Oh if this is the wrong number Sorry.

Sam: No, I told you I didn't change it

Mercy: No this isn't Sam, or no it is Sam because I didn't change it?

Sam: this is Sam

Sam: I didn't change my number

Sam: always been here.

Mercy: Well okay hi. Hope you had a good day today.

Mercy: First I wanted to thank you for not acting weird or anything last night. SJ had fun talking Marvel with you.

Sam: Yeah, you too!

Sam: I was kind of in my element there

Sam: I could've fielded DC too

Mercy: I am sure he would have given you a run for your money, he loves the Flash and Batman.

Mercy: So we are leaving tomorrow and I wanted to see if you had the papers, and if you wanted to see him again before we left.

Sam: I am an expert in Batman!

Sam: Already?

Mercy: Well he will be glad to hear that.

Mercy: Our lives are in L.A. Sam.

Sam: I have them

Sam: I didn't sign them yet

Sam: I'm still reading them

Mercy: Sam there is nothing there that would cause any issues. It's just a divorce.

Sam: My mom said never to sign something you haven't read

Mercy: Okay I understand that

Sam: Just gonna take me awhile.

Sam: idk how long

Mercy: Sam what do I have to do to get you to just sign them now?

Sam: I need to read them. I said that

Mercy: Sam I know if I leave here without them they will never get signed. Why are you holding on so tight to something that was over years ago? Its a divorce stating what's yours is yours and what's mines is mines, simple to the point.

Sam: I just said I wanna read them

Sam: that's it

Mercy: And you also said you don't know how long it will take you to read like 6 pages. I have to go, I can't be here for a long time.

Sam: we both know I'm not very smart

Mercy: That's a lie.

Mercy: You are smarter than you give yourself credit for.

Sam: Still can't read very well

Sam: so I can't tell you how long it'll be

Sam: I have to do other things too, like cleaning my apartment and go to the gym

Mercy: You can read just fine Sam and we both know that.

Mercy: Okay now I know you are playing games.

Sam: it does take me extra time. That's not a lie.

Mercy: I know that Sam, but cleaning your apartment? Really?

Sam: It's very dirty

Mercy: I bet it is

Mercy: I need you to work with me here(edited)

Sam: I am.

Sam: I'm going to read them! I already started!

Mercy: Fine.

Mercy: Soooo we didn't get to talk about you, how is your family?

Sam: Doing well, you know.

Sam: The kids are almost done with high school which makes me feel old but

Mercy: You are Sold

Sam: Don't remind meeeee

Mercy: How is your mom? I have been meaning to talk to her but I know she is might hate me.

Sam: For going to LA?

Sam: I don't think she does

Sam: she always said I should apologize for not going with you haha

Mercy: For leaving, for not telling her about SJ, even if you didn't believe it she would have.

Sam: Yeah, well. She doesn't know about him

Sam: Like I didn't

Mercy: You didn't tell her?

Sam: I've been a little busy trying to come to terms with it myself

Mercy: Maybe I should just go and let you mail it to me.

Sam: If that's your choice.

Mercy: Fine!

Sam: Great.

Sam: I'll send them

Sam: When do you need them?

Sam: I'll get them to you then.

Mercy: Monday

Sam: And when are you getting married?

Mercy: You don't get to know that.

Sam: Okay.

Sam: See, I'm trying to make sure I have them to you when you need them

Sam: I want to have time to think about it.

Mercy: What is there to think about Samuel?

Sam: A lot.

Sam: like maybe I should get to see SJ.

Sam: so maybe we need a custody thing.

Sam: I don't know

Mercy: SO NOW YOU WANT TO KNOW YOUR SON? AFTER YOU HAD 8 YEARS?

Sam: I JUST FOUND OUT

Sam: THIS SHIT YOU'RE PULLING ISN'T CUTE

Mercy: That stuff I'm pulling? I wrote you and told you that I was pregnant, that you should just swallow your damn pride and come to me, and you sent back divorce papers, so don't get me started on that one.

Sam: You sent ME divorce papers!

Sam: and no letter

Sam: Jesus Christ, is this what you think is fun now?

Sam: Fucking with some townie loser you used be with?

Mercy: Are you serious right now?

Mercy: Like I can't tell if you are playing with me right now.

Sam: I'm very serious. It's not funny.

Mercy: Then stop playing around and be serious. I got your papers, which is why I find it funny that you never signed it. I get you were bitter but to abandon your pregnant wife?

Mercy: I always thought you were better than that.

Sam: I didn't do ANY of that

Sam: I mean, the last part happened inadvertently but I didn't send anything! Or get anything other than some divorce papers which, yes, I did not sign.

Mercy: My manager handed me the papers they were addressed to me, sent from you.

Sam: if I sent them, don't you think I'd have signed them first

Mercy: Sometimes you are scatterbrained.

Sam: I think you sent me divorce papers when you found out you were pregnant because you didn't think I was ready or something

Sam: I was

Mercy: Wow, for the record Sam, I thought you would be an amazing father. Ima gonna go.

Sam: Great

Mercy: It was nice seeing you Sam, if you could tell your parents before tomorrow about YOUR SON that would be great since I will let him meet them before I leave Lima for good.

Sam: How am I supposed to explain an eight year old I JUST found out about and how the fuck I missed that?

Mercy: Figure it out. I had too.

Sam: You keep acting like I knew.

Sam: Like you don't know me well enough to know I could never not step in.

Mercy: I told you Sam, I put that on everything, I don't know what happened, if you blocked it out, if you are trying to justify not being here by saying I didn't but I know my truth.

Mercy: I may not have told the world I have a child, because by the time I got on the scene and really started making a name for myself he was 2 and I didn't want that life for him, so I never said anything to maintain some privacy in my life. But you, I told you.

Sam: You didn't.

Sam: This isn't funny.

Mercy: No its not funny not at all.

Mercy: You really didn't know? Not in all these years? Because I swear to you I sent you that letter telling you about him.

Sam: I didn't get a letter.

Sam: Just divorce papers.

Mercy: This makes no sense

Sam: Hey, were on the same page for once

Mercy: Sam I promise you I sent you the letter, and then I got divorce papers in return

Sam: and I didn't send them.

Sam: if there was a letter, I'd have been there

Sam: could have called

Mercy: Call the man who refused to pick up his life and move with me for my dream?

Mercy: I couldn't call you, it hurt too much

Sam: You could have come back when you weren't recording.

Sam: I have a life here, Mercy.

Mercy: Come back to a man who didn't want me.

Mercy: I know that Sam, but I had a future there.

Sam: I did want you

Sam: I've always wanted you

Mercy: I guess it doesn't matter now does it?

Sam: Yeah

Sam: Your whole story is fucking me up

Sam: I don't get how this became my fault?

Mercy: I asked you to come with me Sam, I told you I wanted us to be together, I gave you the ticket to come. You didn't.

Sam: I said the same thing, but you didn't like my way

Mercy: I was scared, scared if I stayed in Lima, even part time, that I would lose myself.

Sam: Yeah

Mercy: I am trying to be honest with you. I thought you would just come when you were ready

Sam: I'm not ready

Sam: I know you and probably everyone else from glee "outgrew" Lima

Sam: I still haven't.

Mercy: I know. It's why I had to move on Sam, and you had to find someone who wanted the same things you do. You deserved that.

Sam: I never wanted anyone else

Mercy: Sam I just

Mercy: Sam I want you to be happy

Sam: Yeah

Sam: I said I'll send them

Mercy: Send what?

Mercy: Oh I wasn't even thinking about thing right now

Sam: I'm just saying. You want to leave again and I'm not stopping you

Mercy: I know you aren't. You moved on too.

Sam: I didn't.

Mercy: You did. You can say you didn't but the truth is if you didn't move on we would still be together.

Sam: because I didn't go to LA?

Sam: Why was I the only one who had to give something up

Mercy: You weren't! I had to give up you! SJ had to give up a father! You aren't the only one who lost something Sam, I lost you.

Sam: yeah, I lost you and him too.

Mercy: You can have a relationship with him if you want.

Sam: And so will your fiancé

Mercy: He's not a bad guy.

Sam: Hey, I never said he was

Mercy: Just thought you should know

Sam: I don't care about him

Sam: [ five minutes later ] No, we both know that's a lie. I hate him

Mercy: Why do you hate him?

Sam: You'll know exactly why if you stop and think for a second

Mercy: Because of SJ

Sam: Not Just

Mercy: What do you want from me Sam?

Sam: Do I need to say it!

Mercy: Well I certainly don't know

Sam: You.

Mercy:-[Deleted] Sam don't do this.

Mercy:-[Deleted] I just got over you...

[five minutes later]

Mercy: I can stay for a few more days so you can spend time with SJ.

Sam: Yeah, maybe we can figure out how to tell my mom lol

Mercy: I'm gonna let you do that one

Sam: No help?

Mercy: Fine

Sam: I doubt she'll buy the truth

Sam: Which you apparently don't buy either.

Mercy: Why wouldn't I tell you?

Sam: I don't know!

Mercy: I don't wanna go back around in a circle like this.

Sam: I just wanted to know why you didn't tell me

Mercy: And I keep telling you that I did. I wrote you I felt if I called you I would break down and a letter was safer...

Sam: I didn't get a letter!

Sam: I don't know why you don't believe me

Mercy: I don't know why you don't believe me.

Sam: Because I only got the papers you sent me.

Mercy: The papers I sent back to you

Sam: Right because I sent you unsigned papers

Sam: I thought you agreed I wasn't dumb lol

Mercy: I don't know what to tell you.

Sam: Okay

Mercy: So where does that leave us Sam?

Sam: Not where I want to be

Mercy: when are you free?

Sam: i'm free now

Mercy: I was going to take SJ to the Zoo, you can come with us.

Sam: I'm always up for being with you

Sam: And SJ. Really hoping he'll like me lol

Mercy: SJ loves you he's still talking about you. Just so you know going to a Zoo or park with me is often... crazy I wanna say.

Sam: Good.

Sam: is it bad I want him to like me more than your fiancé?

Sam: Probably not. I'm his father.

Sam: You think I don't remember how you get?

Mercy: it's not bad Sam, SJ is your son of course you want him to like you

Mercy: He will like you just fine.

Mercy: I mean it's been years

Sam: Hopefully.

Sam: And maybe I'll have to come to LA and see him.

Sam: I remember everything about you

[Mercy:Deleted] So you will go to L.A. for th-

Mercy: yeah maybe.

Mercy: I will have the car pick you up unless you just wanna meet us there

Sam: Whatever works for you.

Mercy: You gonna be okay being driven around in a town car?

Sam: Unless you're gonna let me pick up you two in my old truck?

Mercy: Soooo if I tell you something you gotta keep it secret

Sam: Now I'm curious

Mercy: My driver is my bodyguard, under my contract I can't go anywhere without him.

Sam: Are you saying I'm not able to protect you?

Mercy: Not at all its just in my contract

Sam: Sneak off

Mercy: Yeah I get fined for that

Mercy: He won't bother us, you won't even know he's there

Sam: I don't know if I believe that but!

Mercy: But?!...

Sam: But I'm good

Mercy: You gotta be clear babe you coming with?

Sam: Babe?

Sam: I'll meet you there

Mercy: What? Why did you call me Babe?

Mercy: Okay

Sam: You called me babe and I was questioning it

Mercy: I did?

Mercy: Oh I did, I'm sorry

Sam: It's fine

Mercy: We will see you there.

Mercy: SJ wants me to wear my "Spidermom" because he is wearing his, if you want to wear Spiderman you can

Sam: I got you

#samcedes #samcedes rp #samcedes roleplay #sam evans #mercedes jones

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [I'm thinking like long enough that Mia and Co can establish a pattern of stalking him shamelessly but not long enough that half the hol is over obviously] Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: have a word to your sister Janis: you're alright Jimmy: I ain't Jimmy: bad enough she's always here without leaving half her clothes Janis: what you chatting Jimmy: There's the selective dyslexia Jimmy: sort it out Janis: sort out coming at me like I've got a clue what you're on about if you want solutions Jimmy: fuck's sake, Judith Jimmy: she's coming at me at work Jimmy: they all are Janis: lol where do you work sephora Jimmy: Yeah, that'll be why I knew so much about lipstick when you attacked me with it Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: that sounds like a you problem Janis: her details are NOT hard to find on purpose, like Jimmy: I didn't put in all them fake dating hours to end up where I were Jimmy: or to have a lovely chat with her Janis: what do you expect me to do Janis: if she cared about my feelings she obviously wouldn't be trying to fuck you or get a free makeover Jimmy: not be a dickhead Jimmy: but alright Janis: she's an annoying bitch Janis: my condolences Janis: not news to me Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: give me her shit then, I'll take it home Janis: where do you actually work though Jimmy: Common Grounds Jimmy: [sends her the deets] Janis: alright Janis: I'll be in later, leave it with whoever if you're off Jimmy: 👍 Janis: can't you bar them Jimmy: Top idea to piss off my manager Jimmy: no rich girls Janis: 🙄 Janis: they ain't the only ones about Janis: idk, hide when they come in next time Jimmy: they're the ones most often about Jimmy: tips are well up Jimmy: 🥈 idea to piss off my manager Jimmy: do nowt Janis: I know you don't all need to serve Jimmy: Use your big head Jimmy: they ask for me Janis: 🤢 Janis: she better not be Janis: not that rich Janis: who the fuck does she think she is Jimmy: Mia's the only one allowed to talk Jimmy: keep up with the squad rules, mate Janis: no tah Janis: want me to put in a sneaky complaint Jimmy: I get it, you don't play by them Jimmy: 😈 you Jimmy: why you never 💔 me Janis: ain't been back that long Janis: christ, my holiday too Jimmy: if you wanna just 👻 me, crack on with doing nowt Jimmy: it's working anyway Janis: is it? Janis: 'cos you just said it weren't Jimmy: not with them but my DMs are full of people ❔ & 💔 that I ain't posting about you Janis: there you go Janis: so wanna go with that, caspar? Jimmy: Do you? Janis: Don't make odds to me, I've proved my point, whether that lot wanna listen or not, like you said Janis: everyone else has so Jimmy: more questions if you don't swap me for some other dickhead though Janis: great Janis: I'll attach myself to the nearest prick then Jimmy: If you've got another answer for why you went from 😍😍😍 to 😑 then go with that Jimmy: like you said, ain't been that long Janis: you were way more 😍😍😍 Janis: but sure Janis: ugh, I'll be thinking on this bus then Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: you were Janis: take the compliment Janis: such a good actor Jimmy: Piss off Janis: What? Jimmy: I know you're calling me a drama queen or owt like it Jimmy: an insult up north that Janis: Calm down Billy Elliot Janis: I was saying you fake rocked my world, remember Jimmy: It ain't that kind of cafe like Jimmy: if you want dancers that's up the road Janis: I'm neither coming for you nor the lattes, boy Janis: coming 'cos her idea of flirting is pretending she's braindead and loses all her shit on the reg 🥴🤪 Janis: so appealing, right Jimmy: Good shout, me and every drink are too expensive Jimmy: gotta stay rich, eh? Jimmy: and 'course obvs 🤤🤤 Janis: 😂 Janis: that kind of dancer, are you Janis: left my ones at home Janis: soz Jimmy: a shit one but keep that between me and you Jimmy: it just ain't goals babe Janis: 🤐 Janis: your next gf, real or otherwise, won't hear it from me Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: #whenyourexaintapsycho Jimmy: what's that like? Janis: Poor kid Janis: not you, but 💔 of course Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: getting richer thanks to 💀👑 but still Janis: it feels dirty, no I get it Janis: maybe just be a stripper Jimmy: 👍 Janis: they won't get in Janis: 👶💀 Jimmy: nor would you 💔💔 Janis: 1. I don't wanna see that but keep that between me and you Janis: 2. yes I would Jimmy: Baby please Jimmy: such a liar OMG 😭😭😱😱 Jimmy: reckoned you and WE were better than that 💔🎻💔 Janis: it's called a private show Janis: nothing #goals about paying for it Jimmy: nowt goals about pretending you can get where you can't Janis: you think you can be a stripper fullstop Janis: too twink to be legal, babe Jimmy: You think I can 'cause you're 😍😍😍 Jimmy: I never said it Janis: 😠😠😠 Janis: don't tell me what I think OMG Jimmy: stop thinking about me naked then Janis: pretty sure you have to keep your thong on Janis: this is a Christian country, thank you very much Jimmy: how much have you thought about this? Jimmy: gonna make me 😳 girl Janis: Stripping? Janis: Not much Janis: my lack of tits and all 💔 Jimmy: Me stripping 'cause you'll be suggesting thong colours in a bit Jimmy: and my tits are decent so not a problem Janis: Well, black, obviously Janis: but that's just a given Jimmy: But babe you love pink!! Janis: that's the colour of your skin, it's obscene Jimmy: Have you gone blind? Jimmy: have you been all this time? Janis: no, whiteboy Jimmy: It'd explain the PJs and missing my neck when you went in with your teeth Jimmy: you sure? Janis: What do you mean? Jimmy: What do you mean what do I mean? Janis: I mean both were intentional and you know it Jimmy: admitting I know something? Jimmy: are you alright? Janis: just sick of talking to idiots Janis: if it's all the same to you Jimmy: you ain't gonna wanna come here then Janis: I don't, hence I'm going to the gym first Janis: quite near there, who knew babe Jimmy: Not me Jimmy: 💪 is natural Janis: pah Janis: don't make me actually LOL Jimmy: I carried you, don't make me have to recreate it 'cause you have some kind of memory loss Janis: and I'm skinny, regardless of the complex you wanna give me, pervert Jimmy: don't make you light Jimmy: you're not a 💀 girl Janis: been making you carry her 'round, has she Janis: she's not that rich and you're not that downtrod Janis: there are some rights you've got, like Jimmy: How are you not getting how high maintenance my ex was? Jimmy: you're not my first princess Janis: 💔 Janis: aw I thought I was special Jimmy: I know Jimmy: soz Janis: no worries, just drop the 🏋 on my head Janis: ttfn Jimmy: 👌 Janis: none of them are there rn are they? Jimmy: they left a bit ago Janis: great Janis: I'm not ruining my streak of Grace-free days Jimmy: 🏆💪 Jimmy: I get it Janis: Exactly Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: or nowt baby Janis: Mhmm Jimmy: we're so in sync 💕 Janis: not the worst team Janis: just ask the fans Jimmy: won't be able to when I delete my accounts 💔 better do that Q & A quick like Janis: going 👻? Jimmy: that 💀😭💔 over you, Jill Janis: but actually Jimmy: ? Janis: easiest way to shut 'em up is just to throw 'em a 🦴 yeah Janis: won't be all that taxing to just get a pic whilst I'm picking up her shit Jimmy: The lighting in here is #🔥 Jimmy: and I do know your angles Janis: half the appeal, obviously Janis: give you a solid 35% Janis: the iced coffees a 15% Jimmy: if you order iced coffee I'll dump you myself Jimmy: give a shit what the plan were meant to be Janis: those are their numbers, not mine Janis: I don't even drink coffee, just give you a tip so you don't 😢 Jimmy: I know that, rich girl Jimmy: I'm the dickhead making them Jimmy: no need to give me a tip, give me a like and retweet Janis: 😏 missed me that much yeah Jimmy: you know it 💕 Jimmy: just gotta tell everyone else Janis: 'course Janis: now we're back in civilization, more inclined to do so Jimmy: what you ain't gonna miss holding your phone up in the air like a right knob? Janis: ahh #memories Jimmy: save it they'll 💀 over that Janis: sad that it's true Janis: so popular Jimmy: 😏 yeah you sound 💔 mate Janis: like you don't find it even a tiny bit amusing Jimmy: if it weren't I wouldn't still be bothering Janis: exactly Jimmy: 💀👑 makes me 😂 not soz Jimmy: what's her #obsession with you? Janis: Obvs we've been in a centuries-long battle over the title queen of the undead and she's mad I wear it better Janis: I actually don't know though Janis: mad that I hate my sister more than she does? mad my hair doesn't fall out in clumps? Jimmy: 💀 pact but make it #goals, I get it Jimmy: 🩸 ain't everyone's colour Janis: she ain't got any, anemic cow Janis: not that I'd trust drinking from her, like Jimmy: alright 🤢 ain't anyone's either Janis: 😂 Janis: can only imagine the hilarious shit you've been forced to overhear Jimmy: crack on Janis: heard the general gist plenty of times but assume they're tailoring it towards you which means it's even more cringe than normal Jimmy: Your sister actually mute or? Jimmy: like is it some 🏆💪 with your deaf brother Janis: ha, no, you joking Janis: even he wishes she'd stfu Jimmy: never heard her say owt and I'M obvs 💔💔 Janis: idk then Janis: you probably seem the type that likes introspective, quiet girls #deep Janis: maybe she's giving that a shot Jimmy: 😂😂😂 Jimmy: that's a fucking misread Janis: her specialty Jimmy: where does she reckon I'm from? Up north there ain't no quiet girls Janis: exactly, you poor misunderstood boy 💔💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻🎻 Janis: s'a tragedy, truly Jimmy: Mia probably cut her tongue out for saying black's the new pink Jimmy: that's the real one Jimmy: such an underappreciated colour your fave Janis: Yeah, dead awkward she's done be such a solid Janis: have to say thank you and everything Jimmy: I'll sign it for you Jimmy: know everything I need to if I'm gonna chat to her Janis: 💀👑 her personality revolves around how fast she can get things in and out her mouth Janis: no time or need for chatting, I already told you Jimmy: 😍😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: but that'll be why she's gone deaf, that & the starvation Janis: why's she deaf Jimmy: weren't listening to none of them when she let them say owt Janis: can't blame her Janis: who'd wanna listen to any of 'em Jimmy: oh I dunno the tall one was making some fair points Janis: 😂 about what, whether to paint their nails this shade of beige or this slightly darker shade of beige Janis: still not thrilling Jimmy: about you being a dickhead Jimmy: not a direct quote Jimmy: taken some liberties with it Janis: awh the tall one likes me Janis: maybe I'll let her pick me up and climb up the nearest skyscraper 💕 Jimmy: I don't reckon you get to call her the tall one when you're tall as you are, babe Jimmy: but as dates go, you could do worse Janis: She's gargantuan Janis: you're just short Jimmy: 🦍🏗💕 Jimmy: piss off I ain't short Jimmy: wind your giraffe neck in Janis: 😏 okay lil man Jimmy: I was brought up on 🥧 🥔 and 🚬 what do you want from me, honestly Jimmy: I ain't 💀💀💀 Janis: s'alright, you're not my real boyfriend, normal rules need not apply Jimmy: and you're not my real girlfriend so you don't get to slag me off Janis: I ain't Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: there's in-synch and then there's copying, babe Jimmy: don't start something then Jimmy: I'm up to my actual 👀 in mardy customers Jimmy: no need for you to copy that Janis: well if you're messaging even 2 other bitches rn that's probably why Janis: focus, boy Janis: cappucinos are your passion, you really need the dickhead in the suit to not be late to his meeting Jimmy: 1. what would I need you for if I were? 2. this needs all the focus of you making that sandwich you never after I fake rocked your world Jimmy: 3. Making me laugh is the 🥉 guaranteed idea you've had to piss off my manager Jimmy: 4. Are we going for a 4th 🏆 when you get here or what? Janis: 1. idk your business, I meant bitches = female not as in actual cunts 2. how 'bout you make me a panini, babe Janis: 3. they sound like a party are they at least daddy Janis: 4. what did you have in mind because I've strangely not come out in my PJs Jimmy: 1. only so much 🐕 training I've got time for Jimmy: 2. 💰💰 first Jimmy: 3. nah but my dad saw your 👂 handiwork and he's blooding raring to 💍👰 Jimmy: 4. Will it even be the same without them? 😱😭💔 Janis: 1. your dog sounds #problematic you mention it a lot just call me sherlock Janis: 2. golddigger Janis: 3. but I am gonna bae your da so fair's fair Janis: 4. it was just about the soft cotton 💔 soz everyone, can't go on Jimmy: 1. sounds it 'cause she is 👏 Jimmy: 2. starving artist Jimmy: 3. so fair you 💕 Jimmy: 4. obviously Janis: Poor baby, don't they let you eat the leftovers and sendbacks? Janis: That's criminal Jimmy: They do but I'm all about a sob story me Jimmy: white lies ain't criminal though so Janis: Noted Janis: full soap opera when I come through Jimmy: full orchestra an' all Jimmy: 🎻🎻 play on Janis: sure thing Janis: after I've slapped you, told you you are the dad, then you ain't and then tell you I'm 💀💀💀 so still look after it bye Jimmy: looking forward to it Janis: obviously Janis: perv Jimmy: you Janis: be pretty satisfying to smack you one but I wouldn't go that far Jimmy: save it for our fake break up, my dear Janis: spoilsport Jimmy: I do hate P.E but I wouldn't go that far, mate Janis: sucha 🤓 Jimmy: *😎 Janis: bet they ain't part of your uniform Janis: gutting Jimmy: such a #rebel an' all though 😈 Janis: with or without a cause though? Jimmy: It's that you only wear PJs Jimmy: the hill I'm gonna die on Janis: 😂 Janis: alright, start a # Jimmy: alright, hang on Jimmy: [does cos he's a nerd] Janis: brilliant Janis: cue the DMs asking to see, like Jimmy: Mr Lucas is gonna let you wear them to school like Jimmy: you're welcome Janis: looking to have a heart attack to get that early but not really pension Janis: 👀 you sir Jimmy: and he'll be seeing loads of you Janis: shut up Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: I know I'm good but making you voming on me #goals Jimmy: I dunno Janis: #goals for a very specific group of gals but probably not otherwise so 🤫 Jimmy: don't reckon you can use #goals and them in the same sentence, Joanne Jimmy: challenge too far Janis: true Janis: right, lemme hit the showers then I can be there Jimmy: tah for that Jimmy: 👃 before 👀 weren't part of the plan Janis: piss off I'm not a skank Jimmy: admitting you faked your work out Jimmy: well committed you Janis: no, admitting I ain't gonna leave the gym after without washing Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: leave me alone so I can do it in peace Janis: or I'll never get there Jimmy: Glad I don't need to talk you through it Janis: thanks, left my blindfold at home Janis: dickhead Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: you should wear that all the time an' all it was a #look Janis: no thanks Janis: fake trust will only get us so far Jimmy: only so many fake injuries I can nurse Jimmy: 😇 of 💀 weren't the pact Janis: 💔 Janis: suited you Jimmy: white's my colour Jimmy: why I'm staying pure til 👰 Janis: not if I've got anything to do with it Janis: which I already have so shh Jimmy: If anyone asks I'm filthy, gotcha Janis: you can be a bit more vague Janis: not gotta hoe it up, be fit and mysterious, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: been that since I got here Janis: you ain't a part-timer, I get it Jimmy: not with this job and the one I'm being paid for Janis: hot Jimmy: I know Jimmy: ☕ machine burns to prove it babe Janis: so brave too Janis: wow 😍😩🤤 Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: cold 🚿 Jimmy: we've got work to do Janis: 👌 Janis: even though it's so sexy when you get serious Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I ain't even started Jimmy: wait til I get my 📷 out, girl Janis: umm Jimmy: You scare easy, I remember Jimmy: it'll be alright Janis: 😑 stop saying that Janis: I ain't scared of a flash Jimmy: no need, I know what I'm doing Janis: you better Janis: good thing I can roll with the punches 'cos you're not exactly clueing me in Jimmy: You're in good hands baby Jimmy: nowt else to say Janis: I guess not Janis: in a bit then Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [showing up but outside] Janis: you want me to come in or what Jimmy: Do you wanna? Jimmy: I'm due a break Janis: not gonna cockblock your work romances unnecessarily Janis: come out then Jimmy: They'd only have to check my socials to see how 😍😍 we are Jimmy: but alright Jimmy: [comes out and immediately lights a 🚬 obvs] Janis: people love cheating, only point of having a 9-5, #amiright Janis: [just like hey but not with words obvs] Jimmy: [doesn't answer her typed message because not that type of boy and also #triggered but offers her a 🚬 in greeting] Janis: [picking up such a casual habit lmao like how he never asked if she smokes and she just went with it] Jimmy: [bit rude actually boy but fair assumption cos she wasn't like OMG NO GROSS haha] Jimmy: [when you really need that 🚬 but also you don't have long if you're gonna stage a casual #reunion photoshoot oh the awks] Janis: [least they can take photos as he does 'cos that #badboy rep honey] Jimmy: [hopefully it'll turn at least a few of the 🚭 brigade off] Janis: [you can dream boy but we know you look good fight me, let her put up the pics as her casual #comeback 'sorted'] Jimmy: [he looks hot as hell doing it and we've seen the proof honey, don't even need to discuss at this point how needlessly hard they are going at this for the #fans and not cos they've missed each other nope] Janis: ['course not, like there's every need to be so PDA, mhmm] Jimmy: [cos clearly every real couple is this extra and it's not as if Grace has already called you out or anything] Janis: [soz they need their flimsy excuses lads] Jimmy: [soz you're all jealous] Janis: ['what she even leave anyway?'] Jimmy: ['what hasn't she?' exaggeration but not by much] Janis: [🙄 'what the fuck'] Jimmy: [does a gun finger and puts it to her head & then his because honestly] Janis: [sticks her tongue out and closes her eyes like a nerd but shakes her head like] Jimmy: [when you can't help a little genuine smile cos she cute] Janis: [just like what but not mad] Jimmy: [just looking at her like ?? even though you know what boy] Janis: [pushing his arm but again not aggressive like lol] Jimmy: [when you stop her by holding onto hers but in the most flirty way ever cos obviously bye] Janis: [just raising her eyebrows like really] Jimmy: [doing it back, oh boy be careful if you think you're challenging her rn] Janis: [just maintaining that eye contact for the longest they've probably ever 'your fag break ain't long enough, boy'] Jimmy: ['never is'] Janis: [makes heart with her hands then breaks it 'imagine if you didn't smoke then' 'cos true you get more breaks if you do by default hence they try and crack down on it] Jimmy: [mimes playing that violin 'why you trying to give me suicidal thoughts?'] Janis: [points finger gun back at his head then does a shrug 'not now?'] Jimmy: ['imagine if you had to work for your money, rich girl' shrugs back 'least wait until school starts, get on their roof and let the crowd form, like'] Janis: [gasps dramatically and clutches her chest like how dare you even think it 😏 nods 'sure, you wanna see how many you can take out with you, very white boy of you'] Jimmy: [😏 'more fun when you're in the mood too' and a look cos we know he doesn't mean a 💀 mood lads and nods like yep knew you'd appreciate that] Janis: [tuts like she's so unamused sure ok but you be looking back and not moving even though you could get the stuff and be on your way] Jimmy: [shakes his head in an amused way] Janis: [when you brb to go in for a piss/to be nosy and end up talking to pete like hey boy for the first time why not] Jimmy: [when I make him come back in just in time to see that just so he can be jealous for the first time lol] Janis: [we're so mean but it's real sow the seeds, just like oh hey gimme her crap then] Jimmy: [when you basically throw it at her cos you're 😒] Janis: [when you're obvs ?! at the change in mood but like alright then go with that 'cos what else can you like laters lads] Jimmy: [aggressively makes lattes while watching her go like this is fine] Janis: [lmao poor clueless pete like this is a weird vibe] Jimmy: [god bless that sweet sweet boy] Janis: any point besides 'leave me the fuck alone' you need me to get across to her? Jimmy: is there any point in telling her someone'll nick it next time if she just buy more shit? Jimmy: *can Jimmy: putting the possibility of a shopping spree in her head probably only encourage her Janis: 🔨🔩 on the head, like Janis: any excuse Janis: might turn her all Winona and is there any less endearing rich girl stereotype Janis: she struggles enough as is 💔 Jimmy: 🔨🔩 in the head, like 🤞 Jimmy: 💀💀💀 Janis: god I wish they were still giving out lobotomies like they were last season's prada, honey Jimmy: don't reckon I can fake being a nurse hard enough to sign off on that Jimmy: soz Janis: no oscar for you then Janis: and I thought you were convincing for a sec there Jimmy: put your PJs back on and maybe it'll inspire me Janis: if that was a factor you'd have been more inspired Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I was 🥇 Janis: saying I weren't, please Jimmy: you can have 🥈 Janis: piss off Janis: I put in more graft than you Jimmy: Bollocks, you were lying there 'injured' Janis: Your fault Jimmy: and I had to apologise like some kind of dickhead Jimmy: where's yours for being one? Janis: again, YOUR idea to go do it so shut up Janis: matters is it worked Janis: they've been crying about it since, like Jimmy: Me an' all Jimmy: having to 😘 you has that effect Janis: Pussy Jimmy: That why you're so into it? Janis: that's why I'm the better actor and you should try harder Jimmy: every new comment disagrees with you, mate Jimmy: 🏆 and 👑 me Janis: Not really a brag if they can tell how not into you I am, is it Janis: idiot Jimmy: The whole plan is that you 💔 me not 💍👰 Jimmy: idiot Janis: sympathy sex is your thing Janis: gross Jimmy: Dunno, not had any yet Jimmy: fact is I've got the harder job being 💕😍 that's why I'm 🥇 and you ain't Janis: you changed the plan back Janis: stop pissing about Janis: and the fact is that's a matter of opinion and no one has a higher opinion of you than you Jimmy: Me? You came here and you said we just give everyone more of what they want Jimmy: it's starting to sound like it's what you want and you've got that high opinion of me Janis: I'm not even entertaining that level of narcissism and bullshit Janis: because YOU were complaining so much and asking ME to do something about it Janis: but easy, I will tonight Janis: 💔 hit harder with the tease of a reunion Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Sorted then Janis: actually this time Jimmy: if you stop pissing about, yeah Janis: You're a joke, mate Jimmy: Glad you're 😂 'cause I ain't Janis: go 😢 some more Janis: good practice Jimmy: No need, I'm the 🥇 one Janis: at being a little bitch 💔 Janis: take it, I'm good Jimmy: That's my role, can't change it now, you'll get even mardier Janis: No shit, you had your fucking chance Janis: this is the narrative you want, hope it's everything you dreamed of Jimmy: Tah Janis: 💕 Janis: Bye Jimmy: 😘 Jimmy: [literally showing up like a 👻 from the shadows to pull her away from that fuckboy before anything can happen okay] Janis: [when you can barely wait to be like 'what the fuck' 'cos you're that mad like better not be no smokers outside 'cos casually running out] Jimmy: [when you're just looking at her like DON'T DO THIS oh honey you're gonna have to use your words] Janis: [like the level of exasperated cannot be overstated in this moment 'what the fuck' but 🔊 and with more feeling] Jimmy: [When you're gonna type it and pretend like it's cos you don't want peeps to hear but really it's cos you can't look at her rn without showing more than you're ready to] Jimmy: You're right Jimmy: it ain't gonna work Jimmy: they'll just throw themselves at me harder Janis: [the awkward moments when she ain't getting her phone out so is just like fuck you then and ready to walk off before she checks without thinking 'cos habit] Janis: yeah well Janis: why should I make that my problem now Jimmy: [shrugs] Jimmy: [but then just when she'd be about ready to fuck off is like 'I fucked up, I get it' softly and also with feeling] Janis: ['just-' pausing to think how to word this so she doesn't go off off but also so he get its 'cos can't do this again tah 'it ain't gonna fucking work if you don't admit you need it to too, I don't even need to know all your fucking reasons, but you clearly have them and so do it so own it. I'm not making you do shit and I won't do shit for you, even if it'd benefit me, yeah, if you're gonna take the piss like that' breathes out and folds her arms like there, done] Janis: I,* Jimmy: ['Alright' unfolds her arms really gently so it's not in a pisstaking way 'I said I get it'] Janis: [is 😠😟 but eventually does a nod like alright 'can I have a cigarette'] Jimmy: [nods too because #always and of course lights it for her and then one for him because needed] Janis: [just smoking in silence but jogging her legs up and down 'cos the casual pent up mess of emotions that ain't coming out tonight honey] Jimmy: So what did I miss? Have I gotta smack that dickhead or what? Janis: [shakes her head 'no one saw anything' nothing happened but point is don't owe him that info] Jimmy: [nods like oh good but we know it's cos he's a jealous mofo and is glad] Janis: who's socials did you have to stalk to get here Janis: 💀👑? Jimmy: I'm CONSTANTLY refreshing her feed ALWAYS babe Jimmy: the work did itself Janis: gutted for you she weren't on the trip Janis: the 💕 story would've written itself Jimmy: I've had my cry about it, it's alright Janis: probably for the best Janis: always competition at parties Janis: idk how welcome you'd be in the 'men are trash' bathroom sob sesh Jimmy: hang on, I'll go find out Jimmy: [doesn't actually move] Janis: [shaking her head but with less anger by now] Janis: not just from the girls, either Janis: [flashes her phone at him of Harry being whiny like come back where u at] Jimmy: [can't stop himself from being 😒 thank god that's his default expression lol] Jimmy: [takes her phone and deletes the messages like a sassy little bitch] Janis: [does fake cry] Janis: wow, they meant so much to me, how could you Janis: [but is like half-smile/smirk so he knows she ain't gonna be the one to start that up again so soon lmao] Jimmy: [puts his arm around her like he's fake comforting her but we know it real] Jimmy: you're in the right place to drown your sorrows Jimmy: come on Jimmy: [moves like he's gonna go inside but waits for her] Janis: [swipes at him like get off but instead moves his arm so it's around her waist so they can walk in like mat as well start now] Jimmy: [when you're buzzing about it but you can pretend its fake so its fine] Janis: better get that drink for me, babe Jimmy: You better come with 'cause you can't bear to be apart from me 💕 Janis: 🙄 Janis: [but actually 😏] Janis: I guess we are that couple rn Jimmy: No need to take a poll but can do Jimmy: [😏 too] Janis: 🤓 Janis: knew it Janis: got WAY too angry when I slated maths Jimmy: Oh please, Northerners can't even read or write, everybody knows that Janis: Can drink though, yeah? Janis: Try to keep up Janis: [goes in to make point like 'Slainte'] Jimmy: [obviously downs whatever drink to make his point that yeah he can] Janis: [get drunk kiddos, that's not risky AT ALL for yous; at least Harry is the type to see she's got a mans and just be smug like aw yeah she still wanted me, hit you up later babe wink wink, so don't need to brawl the idiot necessarily Jimothy but no one would be that mad if you two had to make a scene to show she don't want you boy bye] Jimmy: [what an absolute smug prick how bloody real but yeah Jimmy should totally use that excuse to be extra because obvs wants to smack him and is jealous af that something might have happened] Janis: [we know it's the typical shit party gotta make it fun somehow] Jimmy: [literally and the only other 'excuse' they need are that Mia and Co are also there so] Janis: [imagine how 😏 they'd have been when she turned up just her and how 😒 when he shows up to meet her lmao] Jimmy: [sucks to suck gals] Janis: [chin chin] Jimmy: what did you eat? You taste like Jimmy: [when you trail off so she don't know if its a compliment or an insult but we do] Janis: don't be ridiculous Janis: don't eat the day before a party Janis: rule #22, like Jimmy: you don't play by or keep up with their rules Jimmy: unless it has been that long Jimmy: did you get to the top of the lobotomy waiting list then? Janis: [shrugs like maybe, boy 😏] Janis: you snooze, I lose a good chunk of my frontal lobe Jimmy: [shrugs back] Jimmy: ah well, give me an easier life that Janis: 🤞 me and all Janis: or I'll have to sue, yeah Janis: #richgirltingz Jimmy: [shakes his head like he's so #overit but is 😏] Jimmy: how much 💸💸💸 were that outfit? Janis: well idk, if I say a months worth of tips is that impressive or nah Janis: 💔 poor boy Jimmy: Depends Jimmy: You mean my tips or the other dickheads that work there? Janis: depends who's the favourite, of course Jimmy: you don't need your frontal lobe to work that one out Janis: alright, dickhead Janis: glad they're compensating you for your time Jimmy: [nods over to where Mia is 👀🔪 at them] Jimmy: didn't 👑🏆 myself Janis: [waves like hey babes and gestures like 'come over' 'cos she obvs won't] Janis: got it's perks then Jimmy: I draw the line at a fake threesome Janis: [snorts and makes a face like desgustang] Janis: I reckon she's had enough she'd know the difference Jimmy: I get it, she keeps it #real yeah? 😎😎😎 Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 on that in your own time Jimmy: don't reckon I can Jimmy: if anyone asks the 😍😍😍 are all yours Janis: 👌 Janis: better move outta their line of sight so there's no confusion Janis: [head to the kitchen] Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [get more drinks down you, what could go wrong kids] Janis: [dickhead should be in here 'cos can't go anywhere lads] Janis: [downing that drink like] Jimmy: [likewise because fuming] Janis: [fun and games] Janis: this is so dry Janis: you been to an actual decent party here yet? Jimmy: Have you? Jimmy: [cos that's the tea they're never decent] Janis: [😏 like fairplay] Jimmy: [making himself comfortable in that kitchen rn downing drinks (which isn't a bad idea oh no) cos that fuckboy has gotta leave first can't show weakness] Janis: took the challenge to heart, mate Janis: [keeping up which ain't gonna come back to haunt ya] Jimmy: accepted it Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: drink to that Jimmy: [cue to down another drink of course] Janis: you live far from here? Janis: if I'm gonna have to carry you, like Jimmy: you have your 💪 cut out same time as your 🧠? Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Janis: 🖕 Janis: you're just so big Jimmy: send that tweet anytime you fancy Janis: [does] Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: any excuse to reply with how well hard I am an' all Jimmy: [does] Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😂 Janis: such an idiot Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: 💕 my idiot Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: this song is the worst Janis: gonna go change it Janis: [to the living room girl] Jimmy: [when you pull her back for a sec so you can kiss her 'goodbye' dramatically for your audience] Janis: miss u already bb Jimmy: obvs Janis: [assume she puts something decent on lol] Janis: don't get lost Jimmy: [comes back through carrying drinks, gives her one and knocks his against it as if he approves of the song choice but actually like I didn't get lost well done me and kisses her again for the #reunited mood] Janis: [going harder this time 'cos you can pretend it's 'cos Mia and co are in this room] Jimmy: [lowkey picking her up (but in the way she's still standing her feet are just off the floor) whilst because you ain't forgot what she said about carrying you] Janis: [when you whisper something pisstake-y about how strong he is in his ear for the look of the thing] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: ['just how bad are you at dancing then?' still in his 👂] Jimmy: ['How good are you?' in hers because he means that he needs all the help he can get but he also means he wants to see that, we know] Janis: [nods, 'just let me do the work' 'cos lbr dudes can get away with that if the girl is decent, leading him to where peeps are dancing so they can get lost in the crowd a bit but we know bitches be 👀] Jimmy: [Save him Janis we gotta keep this #goals but least the way he'd be feeling it would be so] Janis: [we all know it would be regardless like more than they be anticipating] Jimmy: [100% because that chemistry 5ever] Janis: [lowkey 😳 but it'd be literally hot in there so you're safe] Jimmy: [the constant 🐘 in the room of how into each other you are in ways that you literally can't fake, okay lads] Janis: [gonna have to break this up somehow] Jimmy: [someone could easily spill a drink on one of them by being a drunken dickhead cos always happens] Janis: [take that one for the team, then he can 'pretend' to be all gentlemanly and help] Jimmy: [close to a cold shower as you're getting rn, so offended on her behalf though cos her outfit is 🔥] Janis: [honestly rude, get another drink whilst you clean up in the bathroom] Janis: fucking hate parties Jimmy: [ooh if it's a lad he can kick off because never got to with Harry and he's got those pent up emotions] Jimmy: we can go Janis: [totally, she ain't gonna stop him, not that 'he's not worth it' type of bitch lol] Janis: not 'til the drink runs dry Janis: shits free, think on Jimmy: alright, pisshead Janis: what's the matter, not feeling 🥇 no more? Jimmy: [joins her in the bathroom to clean up the 🩸 from going too hard on some poor random which is an answer in itself cos obvs won] Janis: [trying to look unphased with almost total success but you catch his eye in the mirror, pass him a towel to fuck up soz whoever's gaff this is they do not care] Jimmy: [checking her out in the mirror too anyway because let's assume she's hitting that cliche where you gotta remove your top to clean it in the sink] Jimmy: [so glad you two are alone in a confined space rn yep] Janis: ['course, just be semi-clothes nbd you know each other like that mhmm] Jimmy: [don't think about what a pro he'd be at getting blood out #thanksIan] Janis: ['not got us kicked out? must be popular'] Jimmy: [shrugs] Janis: [turn 'round so she's actually looking at him, not via the mirror, assesses the damage gently and nods 'you'll survive'] Jimmy: ['weren't nowt but a little scrap, he might an' all'] Janis: ['outfit weren't that pricey, like' just casually still holding his face like bitch you done checking 'we can actually go now, if you wanna..'] Jimmy: [shamelessly looks her up and down 'reckon we can keep that between me and you' WHEN YOU'RE JUST SAYING SHE LOOKS GOOD AS HELL BYE] Janis: ['we could do that too' just gotta hold that eye contact and take a lil step towards him like challenge accepted] Jimmy: [when you only break the eye contact to stare at her lips #goodideaboynotdangerousatall] Janis: ['go rob me a top or we can't go anywhere' when your tone makes it sound like that's an option too tho] Jimmy: [gives her his like walking around topless is an option for him either] Jimmy: [we all know you want to just so she has to give him lovebites on all that bare skin mhmmm I see you boy] Janis: [lols but shamelessly checking him out too now nothing to lose yeah lads 'so chivalrous, you' and you know the others have faded now, checking for them too like this will never do 'so you reckon you could take a few more bruises for me then?'] Jimmy: ['Death pact's tomorrow' like she's gonna freeze it's April not December boyyy but we know meant to be a nod to how hungover they might be if they keep drinking so hard ha and also him saying he'll live/do your worst #notgonnaregretthatohno] Janis: ['won't be in any state to hold you to that, no danger' when you're just scanning his bod plotting where you're gonna do 'em like this is very serious 'don't want 'em to think we've been up here doing nowt, yeah'] Jimmy: [when you're just trying not to die before she's even touched you #mood so you can only shake your head cos can't trust your voice not to betray you rn] Janis: ['got my vampire rep to protect if nothing else' when you done giving reasons why you're about to go in 'cos we all know you just really wanna] Jimmy: ['you earnt that one if nowt else' god's speed Jimothy cos this is gonna be a MOMENT] Janis: [all over that neck and chest down to his stomach 'cos you're 'drunk' (barely) and have no chill, coming back up to his ear to do a throwback one and then being all 'you taste like-' whilst you're there] Jimmy: [RIP him because it feels that good AND you got dragged by your own 'diss' #amazing but of course he has to hit her with a 'what?' every time even if he has to struggle to get the word out] Janis: [just a look like 'you know what' and hoisting yourself up to sit on the sink, expectant, 'you want 'em to think you're as bad a fuck as you are a dancer? better do something this time'] Jimmy: [oh how the tables have turned because a challenge like that is obviously gonna be accepted whenever but now he's gotta go harder than he's ever because the fragile male ego] Janis: [lmao #whoops regret it in the morning lads] Jimmy: [I feel like a thigh lovebite or something to that effect like whatever is clothing feasible but still risque af could be her boob if she's got trousers on idk) is a step too far so therefore he and I must #calm down but actually don't ever] Janis: [no hiding what a moment that is even if she's like 'have fun showing that one off, boy' 😏 after 'cos breathless af still, someone is gonna have to boot this door down lowkey or this is gonna get so far beyond what can be for the 'audience'] Jimmy: [makes me die like WHO'S looking that closely not even Mia] Janis: [she wishes] Jimmy: [bahaha] Jimmy: [but yeah take that interruption as the moment to wander topless through the party to 'find her a shirt'] Janis: [oh the scandal, y'all will see that tho, welcome] Jimmy: [the state of them both literally give them that oscar and then get them a room] Janis: [when you ain't about to wait in the bathroom like you're so ashamed 'cos not a mood so just strut out like sup] Jimmy: [imagine being that confident as a 15 year old or ever] Janis: [honestly, your sister gonna be so fuming again] Jimmy: [gotta send him outside to calm down but if anyone asks he just really needs that post hook up 🚬] Janis: [you can go get a drink, bab, for likewise] Jimmy: [lowkey hope Harry is still around to 👀] Janis: [no doubt he is, don't 👀 too much of her tah] Jimmy: [just enough so you know you still ain't wanted boy] Janis: [maybe mean but is real tbh he should hook up with one of grace's friends maybe other skinny bitch 'cos he can't go back alone if Janis ain't, that kinda boy also] Jimmy: [absolutely and Grace could hook up with one of his friends just to make it really incestuous and legit like are you Rio and Buster no, don't need to be going round the houses like that] ] Janis: [he would've probably got with all her mates by the time they get together like oh really grace, this is the boy you 'love' alright] Jimmy: [Yeah unless any of them are really below his standards, kill me tbh] Janis: [lbr, some of them are just filler, like tonight, soz gurl] Janis: if you don't hurry up, think your girl about to get snatched Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: stand corrected, he's gone for the prettier 💀 Jimmy: thank feck for that Jimmy: stopped breathing for a bit then Janis: says you Janis: my gaff is gonna be consolation HQ now 💔😥 Janis: and that'll be the 🚬 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: it'll be the 🧛💕 Janis: 🙄 Janis: don't talk such a big game, and I'll go easier on you Jimmy: keep it #goals or I'll dump you Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: oh will you Janis: didn't agree to that plan either, tah Jimmy: plans change, mate Jimmy: what else am I doing here, like Janis: 😑 did you listen to me at all, dickhead Janis: got to put it to the committee and then wait 3-5 working days before making any more changes Jimmy: Nah, I were too busy being 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: Mhmm Janis: not your fault Janis: 🩸 supply only gonna go so far with me, mate Janis: can't expect you to be brains and beauty Jimmy: that your new twitter bio? Janis: try tinder Jimmy: 👍 Janis: a comeback and a tip Janis: use fake name and no headshots, obvs Jimmy: your head is bigger than your tits though, girl Jimmy: might wanna think again Janis: haaa Janis: 🖕 Janis: not everyone's type is your type, trust Jimmy: if I had a type you'd be the last to know Janis: you give yourself away all the time Janis: ain't hard Jimmy: can't be 💕 for anyone else when my 😍 have to be on you Janis: exactly Janis: all the shit you find so 🤢 about me just shows your hand in the opposite Janis: #duh Jimmy: #whenshebelievesowtyousay Jimmy: 💕 Janis: lie about the 😍 Janis: why lie about that? Jimmy: Why tell you the truth? Janis: 🙄 'cos if it's a lie, I know either way Jimmy: bollocks Janis: I ain't stupid Janis: or a lad Janis: know when someone fancies me Jimmy: I'm a stupid lad and me too Jimmy: so what? Janis: so I know you don't, god Jimmy: You don't know or need to know nowt about me Jimmy: been through that Janis: it ain't about you Janis: all about me, obviously Jimmy: Gracie will be thrilled that you wanna twin with her Janis: no doubt Jimmy: crack on Janis: 👌 that's the plan Janis: if you see people running past, this kid's parents are coming back Janis: it's carrying on at Liam R's, if you want to Jimmy: can't Janis: alright Jimmy: if you keep your real 💕 off socials, will be Janis: never said I was going there Janis: so if that's your reason for not, feel free to RSVP Jimmy: never asked if you were Jimmy: got somewhere else to be, tah Janis: makes two of us Janis: na night Jimmy: you not gonna do a proper goodbye? 💔 Jimmy: [so not for the fans and we all know it boy stop] Janis: who for, skeleton gang having their bones jumped literal Jimmy: 'cause they don't have their phones in one hand even with a 🍆 in the other or owt Jimmy: but alright Janis: 😷 Janis: good thing I'm an oscar-winning actress because that's really off-putting Jimmy: come here then Janis: front or back Jimmy: more people out front Janis: sensible Janis: not in such a rush we need to hop the back fence, only his ma and da, not garda Janis: see you there then, I guess Jimmy: 👌 Janis: actually, fuck it Janis: change of plan Janis: do you one better Jimmy: ? Janis: pretend i'm coming back to yours Janis: cover for whatever we're both actually up to, yeah Jimmy: Good thing I'm 🥇 enough to pretend mine is somewhere #goals Janis: someone with a lesser ego nicked your phone or what Janis: is as far as all the girls are concerned, champ, come on Jimmy: I get it, you don't want the competition but my phone ain't worth nicking either Jimmy: soz rich girl Janis: psh Janis: 🥇 Janis: just hoping someone more my type picked it up but sadly Jimmy: stop pissing about and prove it then Jimmy: paparazzi won't be hanging around all night Janis: you underestimate just how chatty those girls are Janis: but won't keep you waiting any longer than you can bear 💕 Janis: [post up] Jimmy: oi rude, I were talking about me in the 1st place Jimmy: number 1 fan, remember Jimmy: [take that last chance to be extra kids we all know you're frustrated af after earlier] Janis: [does camera flash thing with hands like now's your chance] Jimmy: [obvs does take pics of her because she's beautiful and who wouldn't] Janis: [just a casual set of her getting closer then taking his phone from him so they can make out] Jimmy: [#mood] Janis: [gonna break 'em up this time by the kid's parents showing to bollock 'em so they can lol at that before doing a legger] Jimmy: [good idea boo] Janis: [when you're now alone though like walking like well] Jimmy: [when you should just walk off immediately but don't and offer her a 🚬 instead] Janis: [nodding your thanks] Janis: break off before we get to yours but few people coming this way with so Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [when your phone is blowing up 'cos Harry is done with whatserface] Jimmy: [when you're less able to hide how 😒 you are because been drinking and also frustrated af by all the moments and ensuing cockblocking] Janis: [probably keeps trying to facetime her 'cos he's pissed so puts her hand out to stop him for a sec and pulls his top to take a pic of some of the lovebites] Janis: sorry Jimmy: [when you shrug but your face is saying chat to dickheads on your own time] Janis: [shrugs back like i'm getting rid needs must] Jimmy: [shrugs back like well that's what these are for and then takes her phone off her to take better pics cos that art hoe] Janis: [when you roll your eyes and are gonna start taking the piss but then you gotta 'not bad' face at him] Janis: if you wanna take a really artsy dick pic later, I'll be sure to forward it to him Jimmy: Alright Janis: not even gonna accuse me of wanting to 👀 myself? Janis: slacking Jimmy: goes without saying, babe Janis: with how many times I've allegedly seen it, maybe Jimmy: and with how bad you wanna Jimmy: just like all the rest, you Janis: fuck off Janis: say whatever else you like but fuck that Janis: ❄ cunt Janis: you said Jimmy: didn't you deny it? Jimmy: can't remember Janis: regardless Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Want me to have a word to him? Janis: i can handle him Jimmy: not what I asked Janis: s'all good Janis: he's a twat, but a harmless one Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 'course if he goes public with his thirst then feel free but don't reckon he will Jimmy: if he does he'll have to compete with me and 💀👑 Jimmy: might scrap a 🥉 Janis: if those are my options the death pact starts and ends now Janis: ⚰ bye Jimmy: miss you already Janis: erm, miss Janis: death pact, mate Jimmy: 👻 me Jimmy: ain't fuck all you can do to me Janis: wanna bet Jimmy: wanna take the challenge? Janis: your funeral, baby Jimmy: yours Jimmy: you never had an invite to mine, girl Janis: don't reckon our fam will go for sharing a grave Janis: starcrossed like that Janis: a 🗡in my 💔 Janis: so cold Jimmy: my dad would, it'd be well cheaper Jimmy: til he met you anyway Jimmy: 👀 on your non white corpse Janis: he wants on top of me, it's fine Janis: be a squeeze and an awkward story for the archaeologists but we'll make it work Jimmy: 👍 Janis: as long as I ain't gotta mass grave with my family, give a fuck Janis: bad enough in life, not committing me to an eternity of it thanks Jimmy: Agree with you on that one if you don't get an even bigger head over it Janis: wrong twin Janis: the one who craves approval went thatta way Jimmy: Bollocks, you love a 🏆 Jimmy: call it a win Janis: a 🌹 by any other name, dickhead Janis: not from you Jimmy: 💔 Janis: [shows him a pic Mia has sent being 😏 with some lad in bed, like not showing anything but you get the mood] Janis: wrong number or? Jimmy: 🤢🤢💀💀 Jimmy: 💔 you ain't actually staying now #picforpic Janis: I know, right? Janis: hide the face/colour correct the bitch you are having over? Janis: she'll never know Jimmy: artsy black and white shot is always a #mood Janis: 'course Janis: [silence like you didn't bring it up lol] Jimmy: gonna have to take the risk that she reckons I'm also into bestiality unless you wanna 🐕sit Janis: not your wingman, tah Jimmy: I'll live Janis: dog might not, depends on the breed, sickfuck Jimmy: She's too young, gotta give it a bit Jimmy: keep you updated 💕 Janis: again, no tah Janis: already got enough lads giving me their play by play Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: [does a there, there kinda pat] Janis: [smacks him away] Janis: didn't say I didn't like it, just don't want it from you Jimmy: you ain't getting nowt from me Janis: good Janis: [looks around to make sure the crowd has all filtered out] Janis: ok, this is where I get off Jimmy: In a bit Janis: [👋] Jimmy: [watching her go as standard] Janis: [is going mcvickers 'cos we said it'd be nearish and fuck going home but can't be out at the park on the off-chance someone sees then the cover is blown] Jimmy: [we know he's just going home and why #whenyougottaparentyoursiblings] Janis: [if only they knew lmao] Jimmy: [oh kids]

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