#i'm a minor and i have a backbone

[snezhnayan-nights]

Making my heart calmer by imagining syscourse tags as lunch period and right now there's hostility between the big kids table and the new kids table.

[theragethatisdesire]

aot men as dads - headcanon!! some 18+!!

includes: eren, jean, reiner, & levi

i'm still working on some full-fledged one-shots and parts of my series', but i'm nannying for the summer and have BABY FEVER. please enjoy my little headcanons of my fav aot men as dads <3

DISCLAIMER: some of this post contains MATURE CONTENT that is intended only for those over 18. if you are a minor, please do not read below the cut.

Eren

ok but eren is such a cringe dad lol

buys himself all of the #1 Dad! merch. he’s got mugs, tshirts, hats, all of it, and all of it went on his credit card.

10000% a girl dad. loves all the little dresses and bows; he puts your daughter’s hair in its first bun, nearly tears up when she points at his matching hairstyle and babbles “like da-da!”

you have to parent eren as much as the children. when you turn the corner into the living room where he’s supposed to be having “quiet time” with your toddler only to find that they’re buried in a pillow fort and eren’s signed his own name in crayon on the wall next to your daughter’s scribblings. “babe, we can just repaint it! she’s being creative.”

loves when you’re pregnant. after your first, eren keeps a calendar on the wall marking off the days until it’s safe for him to fuck you again, fuck a baby right back into you. already has a breeding kink before your first. develops a lactation kink after.

TERRIFIED (and i mean terrified) of hurting your little angel. has absolutely zero concept of “cry it out”; if he hears his baby crying, he’s sprinting into the next room, kissing a nonexistent boo-boo.

refuses to admit it but he has no backbone when it comes to your daughter wanting literally anything. she wants it, she gets it.

favorite thing in the world is matching outfits. favorite. “babe, where’s her green hoodie? i’m wearing mine today for the park!” “of course it matters, we have to match! on that note, where’s yours?”

lets your daughter use his hair to learn how to braid. usually has a few pink hair ties or glittery clips sticking out of it when you come home from a mom’s night out.

really big on your baby getting to see the world. drags you on vacation to any place he can think of, even as you try to explain to him that she can’t form any long term memories yet. “but baby, she’ll have pictures. how many kids in her class can bring a picture of them at the eiffel tower to their first show-and-tell?”

accidentally ruins santa and the tooth fairy for your daughter. cries harder than she does over it.

aggressively vets babysitters. ends up settling for a nursing student in the labor & delivery school who’s the oldest of seven children and probably more knowledgeable about child development than both of you combined, but he’s still suspicious.

wants to watch while you push, watch his baby come into the world. you’ve never seen a sweeter sight than eren in his scrubs, crying while holding your baby girl.

Jean

most people picture eren as being the roughhousing dad, but it’s jean, and i will die on this hill.

freaks out every time he drops your first boy while throwing him around like a ragdoll, but he’ll never stop because “listen!! he’s laughing!”. when it comes to the rest of them, he’s experienced enough now to tell the difference between a real booboo and an imagined one, and he simply brushes their little pants off caringly before shouting “now you tackle me!”

jean’s got no gender preference for your first, or the rest of your little brood for that matter. he raises them exactly the same, regardless: tough.

it takes him awhile to get used to the concept of babies’ minds. you’ve walked in on him having full-blown arguments with your shrieking toddlers several times. “what’s not making sense? if you let your goldfish ‘swim’ in the toilet, it dies, simple as that.”

plays “bad cop” for you because you’re terrible at it, but he’s always having to turn around and snicker into his elbow in the middle of scolding because your babies get the same little throbbing forehead vein as you when they’re mad

wants a big family, and gets it. you practically have to drag him to get his balls snipped after your fourth, him reminding you that “it’s reversible!” the entire way there.

the newborn phase is his favorite. he’s rarely home for any longer than ten minutes without scooping your most recent addition into his arms, squishing their little cheeks and marveling at their gurgling noises.

the kids never give him anxiety, but when you’re pregnant??? jean’s a wreck.

“do your feet still hurt, love?” “what do you mean you have indigestion? that could be the baby coming!” “of course we can’t have sex, what if we poke its little head?”

definitely the dad that’s got a delivery bag and a backup bag and an emergency third backup of the backup bag in his car at all times. the first week of your third trimester, he starts watching you suspiciously for any signs of labor, even though this is your fourth together. you think you’ve got it down by now, you tell him, but he won’t listen.

always gets the kids to work together on little surprises for you. every mother’s day they wake you up with breakfast, every valentines day your dining room table is covered in handmade cards, every birthday your kitchen is coated in flour from jean and four little ones attempting to bake

SO HARD to drag him out for a date night. he wants to bring them everywhere: the fancy restaurant, the couples' get away trip

jean's that dad standing in the bar, watching the game, beer in hand, with an occupied baby carrier strapped to his chest

wants to watch during delivery, but he passed out the first go-round, so now he’s content standing up by your head, trying not to turn white as you squeeze his hand hard enough to break.

talks you into just one more on your fourth’s second birthday. “they’re all so big now. don’t you miss it, babe? my baby in your belly? c’mon…” turns out he reversed that vasectomy without telling you

Reiner

another girl dad. hardcore girl dad.

buys his little princess all number of dresses and barbies, is confused when she’s more interested in the baseballs her classmates have.

accidentally raises the most tomboyish, toughest little girl. still babies her, and she hates it.

cries more than you do on your first date night out when you leave her with your mom. forgets to order his entree at the restaurant because he’s watching the baby monitor app on his phone.

definitely the best at splitting baby duties with you. reiner’s up before you most nights when she wakes, grabbing a bottle and cooing at her lovingly even as she screams. you always try to stay awake to watch him on the baby monitor, though, heart melting as his massive arms rock the tiny bundle back to sleep.

all the neighborhood kids love him because of his size. at every cookout, reiner can’t help on the grill because he’s buried in the grass in a little army of toddlers, led by your daughter, shrieking with joy.

always taking pictures. literally always. unflattering ones when you fall asleep breastfeeding, candids at the zoo, eighteen identical pictures of the lock of hair from her first haircut clogging up his camera roll.

can’t be the bad cop. literally ever. he just can’t say no to his little princess, can’t break her precious little heart by telling her that throwing her food onto the floor is bad.

takes your daughter to mommy & me classes with him

DILF DILF DILF. all the moms in the classes swoon over him and gossip about him when he’s not there; much to your annoyance, reiner never notices, insisting that they’re his “mommy friends”.

always sporting a little bit of glitter on his face or a sticker on his back from your daughter

coming from a fatherless background, reiner nearly kills himself trying to be a constant presence in your daughter’s life (you have to remind him that he has to rest too)

never misses an open house night at school, even if it nearly gets him fired. coaches all of her sports teams. literally almost cries when she makes her first soccer goal. actually does cry when she tells you the boy sitting beside her in class called her his girlfriend. full-blown breakdown on her first day of school, so bad he has to stay home from work.

the absolute BEST through your pregnancy and delivery. always cooking your craving of the week, constant foot and back rubs, stays up all night with you for the three days before the birth when you’re just too swollen and miserable to sleep.

holds your hand through the entire delivery, gets in the doctors’ way when they’re performing checkups because “i’m her father, i need to know what’s going on”

Levi

levi never pictured himself as having children, but when your little surprise arrives, blinking up at levi with his own grey, owlish eyes, levi can’t believe he hadn’t thought of it sooner.

very easily irritated with anyone asking questions about your home life.

when his coworkers ask for your newborn’s name, levi simply says “child.” are you two trying again? “why the fuck do you need to know?”

super overprotective. your baby waves at someone in the supermarket, and levi’s leaning down to explain (in words your eight-month-old can’t yet understand) stranger danger.

totally one of those parents that goes half-crazy trying to get their child into the top-notch, snobby preschool in town.

“we’re not wasting his intelligence on the public school”

levi grew up with basically nothing, so he goes all out buying the best baby products on the market. $2,500 strollers, researching “best baby toys for development”, the whole nine yards.

100% spends months trying to get your child to make a game out of picking up his own toys after playtime, but it never works.

has a meal plan for your child to “optimize nutrition” that you have to sneak around to give your baby little chocolates and junk snacks.

“why are there pringles in his playtime bag? they have no nutritional value.”

vets anyone that comes around your child, even other children. “no more playtime with that evan kid. he’s always got a cold or something.”

he’s always been a light sleeper, but once you have your child, levi snores beside them watching kids’ cartoons on the tv like you’ve never seen him, even drooling as his head lolls, arm tucked tight around your little one.

learned everything he could about labor and delivery beforehand

you almost killed him in the delivery room as he explained each medical detail of your labor symptoms to “reassure” you. he finally got the hint when you threatened to decapitate him.

he thinks it’s shameful, but watching you be a mother turns. him. on. 

wants to take you right there when he catches you breastfeeding, watches you read a bedtime story, spin your child around laughing. you’re just so naturally good at it and it makes him love you all the more, all that love going straight between his legs.

[a-b-riddle]

Can't Stop Thinking About Update 5/18

A bit of an update on what's happening with CSTA.

This week, unfortunately, there will not be an update on Sunday. I mentioned in a previous post I have a UTI and the nausea meds literally knock me out so I got very little writing done today which means there won't be anything to edit and put out tomorrow.

Chapter 9 will now be rewritten at the end of the series. I do plan to rewrite it, but for now, I want to continue the series as planned and having to go back and work on it has delayed further writing. Until then, the unrevised version will stay up.

In the next few days, ageless blogs will be blocked. I do not engage with minors, nor should minors be reading anything on my blog

Finally, I appreciate the enthusiasm with wanting updates, I really do. But if the only engagement you're going to have with me is replying "next chapter please" or messaging me on anon when I'm going to post the next chapter, please don't bother... I am not getting compensation for this. I am doing this for fun. But receiving several comments and messages either asking for the next update or requesting how the story ends is starting to legit piss me off...

I've said previously that the 141 and reader reconcile. Reader can work things out with them and still have a backbone. Just because someone finds it within themselves to forgive someone else (after they have proven they are sorry and rectify their behavior) does NOT make them spineless. Not every FMC needs to have a "eat shit and die" mentality when it comes to being wronged. Stop asking me for the ending you want. Stop telling me how to write my own story.

Again, thank you for the continued support whether its a like, reblogging, reply or even a message. I have over 50 messages right now and how to get through the bulk of them this weekend.

-Riddle

[nevermorgue]

Nevermore the Musical Concepts PART 3

I'm picturing how some of the character's solos/more personalized songs would sound. Firstly, I imagine the majority of the musical to be in minor keys. Major keys sound a bit too happy/not as catchy. Everything being in a minor key gives it a more eerie vibe, reminding us that everyone is dead. Maybe at one point one song is in a major key to throw off the overall sound. Maybe Merry and Mourn prefer major chords, or Montresor switches between the two to emphasize how he is "not like the rest of them". Imagine Eulalie's using the sounds of traditional Japanese instruments such as the shamisen, the koto, and the shakuhachi to name a few. The notes blend together, nice and soft like lullabies with eerie vocal scoops and enka sounds. Her melody occasionally is a nod to the Itsuki lullaby, the one she sang to the children before dying. Some of the notes repeat themselves throughout her vocals depending on the song/lyric choice. Berenice has a jazzy, faster paced influence. Her voice is rough, scooping and using vibrato as much as she can. I'm sure her vocal growls are fantastic too. I think her and Eulalie singing as a pair during the Ring the Bell song could be a really nice blend between a fast paced, jazzy percussion and softer tones of Japanese instruments. And do not even get me started on Will. He matches vocal style with whoever he is singing with. Most of his parts have a country sort of twang to them as a nod to Montresor, but he doesn't get anything unique on his own. The other characters' instrumental styles blend together and he just sings on top of it, contributing nothing special to the song. If he did get a song on his own (A lament of some sort, questioning his friendship with Montresor) I would assume it would start more country rock sort of vibe in reference to Monty, but slowly goes into something a bit more unique; classic rock. Classic rock with light guitars and a beat that feels much more upbeat, rather than the creepy/catchy vibe that Nevermore songs give. Not only is he "breaking away" from his previous manipulation, but in a way he's also stepping up as he too is now performing in a major key, which the other proper antagonists do. Annabel Lee and Prospero match each other a lot. Classical strings and a LOT of harpsichord usage. For Annabel Lee I specifically think of "ANTI THE HOLIC" by cosMo@Bousou-p in terms of vibes. Just imagine something fast paced and classical, matching her energy. Prospero I picture in a similar light, slower but still with the same elements of classical instruments pushing his voice forward and making them come across as ethereal; in charge. "Gothic and Loneliness" by Narushima Takashi has a fantastic instrumental that I envision a lot of the songs to have a similar vibe to. Fast paced but still classical and orchestral. The hints of electric sounds being nods to more modern characters. It all depends on who is singing and what the song is. Ada has a similar thing to Will where her instrumentals try to copy Annabel's but always seem to be missing something whether it be another instrument or a note goes up instead of down. Almost there, but not quite right. Morella having a Celtic influence and plenty of harp and violin. Imagine the other voices drowning her out, leaving her trapped in between a mess of voices and unable to choose what melody to sing along to, so she shakily creates her own. And lastly to end off for now, Duke is the only baritone in the misfits and tends to be the support, the foundation when they are all together. Lenore balances out in Alto, keeping the higher voices grounded with mainly harmonies and the occasional melody line. Normally, the main character sings melody always, but I think when all of the misfits sing together her going to harmonize makes more sense. She is the backbone; the one keeping them all together. Pluto is a tenor, Berenice is a mezzo, and Eulalie is a soprano. Morella is also a soprano, and she and Eula tend to harmonize a bit in group songs.

[ddejavvu]

bfd!hotch comes to drop off some of your stuff that you'd been asking your bf to but he's been "too busy" to and when he sees you, lounging in the shortest shorts and your bf's shirt (which is actually an old t-shirt of hotch's), he looses his mind

this post is 18+ (and so are its characters), minors dni.

i changed this to ex!bf's dad, and this is not with jack because i could not make him anything other than the sweetest boy in the world </33 this is just an unnamed unspecified character that reader used to be dating!!

Aaron can't believe he's treating you better than his son did. He thought he'd raised the boy right, but apparently his son had run away from him. After finding someone new and cutting all contact with you instead of telling you outright, Aaron's son had then refused to return any of your things, and his breaking point was when he caught the boy's new girlfriend using your leftover facial soap in the bathroom.

So here he is now, a box of your things in his arms as he braces it against the door to ring the buzzer.

When you open it your eyes meet his chest, then trace up to his face like you were expecting someone shorter at the door. Maybe his son. He feels a little guilty that he isn't the boy.

"Oh! Mr. Hotchner," You smile, cocking your head to the side, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Uh, my son still had some of your things," Aaron manages to murmur, but his brain is slowly emptying, reading over the words on the faded t-shirt over your chest: GWU.

Why are you wearing his shirt?

"Oh! Um, thank you," You laugh awkwardly, reaching for the box. Aaron feels guilty by association, and can't imagine how embarrassing it must be for your ex-boyfriend's dad to dump a box of stuff on you.

"Is.. that all?" You raise a brow, watching as Aaron stands aimlessly in your doorway. He blinks, then you notice his eyes are on your chest, and you make the connection with your shirt.

"Oh! Right, my- here," You set the box down, reaching for the hem of the shirt you're wearing and pulling it over your head, "Sorry, I forgot I was wearing his shirt."

Aaron's heart pounds in the split second that you strip the shirt off, and it doesn't slow down when he sees the sports bra beneath. It's perfectly modest, something he'd see a woman jogging in on a hot day, but it's more than he's ever seen of you. And the fact that it had been his shirt concealing the vision he's faced with now? He's starting to feel a little bit like a horny teenager, chubbing up at the sight of boobs.

"Thank you," Aaron reaches for the shirt, "It's- I think this is actually my shirt, he must have grabbed it one day."

"Oh!" Your brows raise and you pick the box up again, "Well, thank you for letting me borrow it. Even if you didn't know I was," You crack a sneaky smile at him, and Aaron can't help but let a kind one slip over his own face.

"It was good seeing you," He hums, and he means it, because the girl traipsing around his house right now is grating on his nerves.

"It was good seeing you too, Mr. Hotchner," You agree after a moment of tense silence, "I- I wish things would have ended differently."

"Me too," Aaron nods, fist tightening around his shirt, "If you ever need anything, Y/N.. You're always welcome to call me. My son might have the moral backbone of a paper straw but I'm not going to turn against you because he did."

You're barely able to stifle a laugh at Aaron's open insult, gazing appreciatively at him, "Thank you. Really, I- I appreciate that. A lot."

Aaron nods, shirt in hand, "Have a good day, Y/N."

The 'You too!' that you offer him as he steps down your walkway rings in his ears well after he gets into his car and drives away. He stalks through his house on autopilot, ignoring both his son and the new girl he's with when they try to half-ass a greeting towards him. He beelines for his room, shutting the door behind him. His back meets the wood of the door as he leans against it, and he finally takes a good look at the shirt in his hands. There's a smear of what he thinks is your makeup on the neckline, and he feels like a depraved teen as he cautiously raises it to his nose. It's like you've drowned it in your scent, a sweet mix of perfume and laundry detergent that he's caught on spare pillows or the couch cushions after you leave.

He locks the door behind him and looks at the shirt like it'll tell him where to put it. When it doesn't, he tosses it onto his bed, hoping that some of the perfume will stick to his pillow.

He heads into the bathroom in a daze, head spinning and fingers heavier than they need to be while flicking the light switch: He needs a shower.

[archangeldyke-all]

Sev with a ver nerdy reader. Very loser vibes with glasses and all. Could you write about how they meet and get together? How their relationship would be and what would other think or do about such a contrast couple?? Xxx love youuuuu

aweee i fucking love this

men and minors dni

singed is a mad genius, you'd never deny that. but mad geniuses tend to get caught up in the whirlwind of their revolutionary thoughts and creations, and they leave behind important things like, you know, numbers. or studies. or a general respect for the scientific method.

so while singed spends his days tinkering in his lab, you spend your days sitting beside him, trying to decipher his discoveries into a language people who aren't mad geniuses can understand.

this is just to say: you're a glorified lab assistant.

you don't know how you caught sevika's eye. you're polar opposites.

sevika fights for a living, she can command a room with a single look, and she's got women swooning for her everywhere she goes. you scribble calculations in a basement for a living, sometimes you and singed are so focused that you don't even speak to each other for days at a time, and you're aware that your glasses, frumpy clothes, and lack of awareness when it comes to style don't exactly make you sexy.

but... somehow, you've enchanted her.

you first met a few months ago, when singed brought you along to a meeting with silco to have you help demonstrate a new varient of shimmer.

typically, singed takes these meetings alone. he likes to keep his science life and his shady dealings as separate as possible-- plus, he knows how nervous you get. but, the new variant required at least two pair of hands to properly prepare, and you were kind of hoping to meet silco's elusive kid-genius foster daughter. singed sings her praises on the daily.

jinx, unfortunately, didn't show up, but sevika did. and you nearly shat yourself, because the woman didn't take her sharp gaze off you for the entire demonstration.

afterwards, when you were packing up in the empty office as singed and silco chatted in the bar downstairs, sevika tracked you down. "hey."

you screamed as you turned around, dropping a vial of shimmer on the ground. she chuckled. "f-fuck sorry." she said, holding her hands up. "didn't mean to sneak up on you."

you pushed your glasses up your nose and just shrugged. "'s okay. i-i'm just jumpy." you whispered.

"you're cute." she'd said.

and then, because you've never been able to be normal about anything in your life, you passed out.

so, the start of your and sevika's relationship was a bit tumultuous. she had to spell it out for you, many times, that she finds you endlessly endearing and adorable.

"during that first meeting. singed read something off his notes but didn't understand, so you explained it to him. just you rambling a bunch of nerd shit, but you made it sound so simple, and you had this sweet sparkle in your eye-- i dunno." she shrugs, then pushes your glasses up your nose for you.

you guys actually balance each other out really well. sevika encourages you to have a bit more of a backbone, you help her see the softer side of things.

she's obsessed with your constant nerdy ramblings. she learns so much from you. she can point to anything and ask you about it, and you'll have an answer.

she'd also never admit it to anyone, but she loves your fantasy books. the nerdier and more complex the better. sometimes, she'll have you read whatever book you're reading outloud, and more times than not, she falls asleep within ten minutes to the sound of your voice.

she's constantly pushing your glasses back up your nose for you. if she notices a smudge, she'll gently take them off your face, clean them with the hem of her shirt, then push them back on your face.

she's obsessed with eating you out while you read or work. she likes to watch you struggle to maintain your focus-- which is usually so laser sharp.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @vikasub @glass-apothecary @m0numents @macaroni676

[thewertsearch]

GG: you said you are asking me permission first and i appreciate that GG: but if you are asking im afraid my answer is no! AT: oKAY, i RESPECT THAT, AT: bUT, i WONDER, GG: what? AT: i WONDER IF A TRULY SELF CONFIDENT GUY, wITH THE BEST SELF ESTEEM THERE IS, wOULD EVEN NEED TO ASK, AT: mAYBE THE BEST GUY WOULD JUST KNOW HE WOULD BE SUCCESSFUL, aND WOULD DO IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, aND EVERYONE ELSE'S,

I don't think Tavros is just emulating Vriska here. This is a very Alternian mindset, and it's one we've seen before.

Alternia is, after all, an empire. It's a society whose idea of success is inexorably tied to violence and domination - so if you're trying to be a better troll, you'll probably gravitate to both, even if you don't realize it.

It's not really about your personality, either. Karkat is, by all accounts, one of the more moral trolls in the party - but as we've seen above, even he's got those imperial instincts. This sort of thing is insidious, and once it worms its way into your brain, it can be hard to shake.

Tavros is a very straightforward example. He's finally gained some 'confidence' - and what's his first impulse?

To seize a useful resource from an alien, and use it against her will.

GG: that would be smug and arrogant and would make you a bully!!! [...] AT: yOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT ALL THAT, i'LL RESPECT YOUR WISHES, AT: oR, AT: wILL i? };) GG: nooooooooo dont dont dont dont dont GG: im serious GG: uuuuggghh i think my headache is coming back AT: i WAS jUST, AT: mAKING A JOKE, AT: sORRY, }:(

This dude cannot read a room. Truly, the anti-Terezi.

Oh, leave off.

AG: Next time you decide to open your heart to an alien girl…….. AG: Make sure her chat client isn't 8eing holographically projected for all to see, ok?

This exploit should apply to chat clients of any size, provided the screen is visible. Maybe John's Pesterchum Glasses were a better investment than I thought.

AG: Jade let you down too easy. She's too nice! Someone's got to tear into you for that appalling display, and once again, guess who's shoulders that falls on? AG: That's right. Vriska's, as usual.

Tavros probably does need someone to explain what he did wrong, but it should be anyone but Vriska. This is obviously just going to be more bullying, and no actual advice.

AT: i THINK SHE HAS THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF NICENESS, pERSONALLY, AT: aN AMOUNT THAT IS SOME, iNSTEAD OF, AT: nONE,

Showing backbone against Vriska, eh? Finally, a constructive use for all that confidence.

Progress is progress, even when it's just a minor clapback.

AG: Hey, I'm nice when it matters, [...]

Nope, I'm calling Vriska's bluff. What nice things has she done so far, exactly?

Sure, she made Tavros the rocket chair, but only after mercilessly tormenting him for his physical condition, which she caused.

Plus, this wasn't even a real apology gift. She kept bullying him after that, and is literally doing so as we speak.

I guess she also made Aradia's soulbot, as an 'apology' for murdering her with her own boyfriend. To be precise, she had Equius make it, with horrific results that she should probably have seen coming.

She also thought that it would be 'nice' to tell Terezi that her blindness 'wasn't that bad'. This conversation was kind of complicated, though, and I'm not sure what her actual intention was.

Anyway, it's pretty clear that Vriska doesn't really grok what 'nice' means. She gives Tavros a rocket chair, continues to torment him, and doesn't understand the contradiction, because she doesn't think his feelings actually matter.

[...] and where it doesn't strangul8te the critical development of people I give a shit a8out, ok?

"After all, no one was ever nice to ME, and look how gr8 I turned out! When you think about it, it's actually a GOOD thing that no one ever showed me kindness! It made me strong! Don't you want to 8e stroooooooong, Pupa? ::::D"

I'm reminded of this exchange from Hivebent. Kanaya recommends that Vriska practice some basic self-care, and Vriska completely flies off the handle, furious at the mere suggestion that she should be kind to herself.

Vriska thinks kindness will harm her. She refuses to accept it, and avoids showing it to anyone, which makes her remarkably consistent in her cruelty. I'm willing to bet that there's nothing she's said to Tavros that she hasn't already said to herself.

[punkeropercyjackson]

I'd believe Zutara shippers when they say they don't ship it for a colonizer x colonized fantasy if they didn't do arranged marriages aus,call the Fire Nation feminist in the same breath they insult Air Nomads,defang and whitefeminize Katara to make her perfect for Zuko instead of a native punk girl and also spew anti-biracial propaganda in the form of sexual degradation towards her for marrying and having kids with Aang,use only western norms and general writing for a japanese man and a bunch of other things that fall under colonization fantasy by definition.Also the excessive buzzword usage and self-claims of maturity over discoursing with minorities of all ages for no real reason over a 2000s cartoon and then epically failing at gaslighting everybody to think they didn't do anything.So i'll stop being mean to Zutara shippers if they stop being child hating conservatives or if i stop having backbone or if i realize i'm not actually trans and autistic and afrolatino and just have internalized misogyny and a victim complex and melanin that should be washed out for aesthetic purposes

[ethereal-blossom]

Hellooooo, i just saw your 2k milestone, and congratssss I'm so proud of youuu＾▽＾, and coming to my request, could you write the letters C, G, and X for Jouno please, I love him sm >.<

THANK YOU <3333 You don't know how big my smile is right now >.< Also, thank you for giving me the opportunity to write for a hunting dog! I have been wanting to start since forever but felt too scared to explore their characters. I hope this does your Jouno justice <3

(C) Cuddles = Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?

Jouno keeps his cool demeanor up about cuddles, but he secretly loves them. While he would not initiate them, Jouno loves it when you start them. He loves seeing how much affection you have towards him, and I like to think Jouno is extra sensitive to touch because of how super developed his senses are due to his lack of sight. Imagine lying on your futon with him, trailing his bare-skinned backbone, and this man is trying his hardest not to shiver under your touch. Jouno loves that the second he cuddles you back, he can hear your heartbeat quicken and the blood rushing to your cheeks. He gets high on that. When you hug Jouno in public, he will not fully hug you back but one of the things he can do is place a hand on your arm, trying his hardest to fight a smile, but everybody can see Jouno's expression turns softer. He also leans the tiniest bit into you, making it known to only you that he appreciates it.

(G) Gentle= How gentle are they? Both physically and emotionally?

Since Jouno has a soft spot for you, you are the person he easily is the most gentle with. He still is someone who does not hide and sugarcoat his thoughts, but everybody can tell his usually sharp words turn softer when directed towards you. Although gentleness is not an emotion that comes natural to him, or an emotion he can effortlessly show, he puts effort in it for you. You can paint a smile on your face that will trick the whole world you are fine, but Jouno cannot be fooled by a mirage. If you are pretending not to be scared or stressed while your heart is working over-hours pumping your blood, Jouno knows how to get your mind off those things.

Physically... In the beginning, his touches might feel a little bit awkward because of how foreign such intimate touch is to Jouno, but it feels like he is almost always subtly teasing you which drives you crazy. Minors, I am friendly asking you to skip this last part and go to the last letter because nsfw warning, but in bed he is, uhum, less gentle. More like a dom with a small sadistic smile. Can edge you for hours, loves seeing tears of frustration run down your flushed cheeks as you just want release, has a hand around your throat, and only when he thinks you have worked hard for it by begging and looking like such a pretty thing does he finally give it to you with a rough pace and not stopping until you are overstimulated <3

(X) Xtra = A random headcanon for them!

Jouno knows your body better than you do yourself. Do you know those moments you are stressed but you don't even realize it? Or feel different but can't pinpoint what you are exactly feeling? It are such moments that even when you don't know, your boyfriend does.

He is so familiar with the sound of your body that he can locate you in a crowd.

When Jouno gets sensory overload, he focuses all his senses on you to drown out all the overstimulation.

2K celebration: fluff alphabet event

[ask-the-meteor-crew]

FAQ Behind The Curtain

How do you draw so fast?

I'm currently double majoring in Animation and Creative Writing. I'm built different and also just, not trying very hard on most of these drawings. Drawing fast is kind of the backbone of animation and I've noticed coloring everything makes most people assume whatever line quality or level of finish on the outlines is a stylistic choice rather than laziness. What program do you use? I used Clip Studio Paint until about #021 when I picked up after haitus and used Procreate out of comfort and convenience. Do you use stock backgrounds or make them as you go? Every time I decide a scene needs a new background I draw it out in it's entirety and save it to my collection of backgrounds to use. So yeah, I'm not redrawing the background every single time it appears, I'm basically building out the meteor one room at a time in hopes of one day not having to draw backgrounds anymore. Where do you get the space photos? NASA's Hubble Space Telescope team has politely made all of the telescopes published photographs public domain, I imagine as a service to the planet as the intersection between photographers and people able to go that far into space is understandably zero. Font/Handwriting questions I stopped handwriting for most panels as I realized my best handwriting is all caps and it would be a shame if Karkat was the only character anyone could understand. I still use handwritten text for "special speech" which is whispers, and shouting, anything that's supposed to feel or sound radically different from the rest of the yapping. It did take me a while to settle on a font, I found a really good one for Dave that didn't have apostrophes and gave everyone else a typewriter font for a while, until I found the alternate version of the font I used for Dave that had all the special grammar symbols and numbers I could ever need. It's called the Atari font in the actual file but I have no idea if Atari ever actually used this version of it. Does the ask box ever close? When will my question be answered? It doesn't close and I have more questions than I'll probably ever answer. Some are confused about canon, others have had the core idea of their question asked multiple times already and I just didn't feel like collecting them all as screen shots. And some I just don't have answers for. Some get deleted because I don't like the tone, don't get the joke or found a typo particularly difficult to parse. No biggie. Questions will be answered if and when I feel like drawing a comic for it. Some questions are a better starting point for a comic than others, don't take it personally. Can the characters still talk to John and Jade? Can they run into them in the dream bubbles? According to canon, no. According to this blog, also no. Do you take magic anons? No. While I've gotten flimsy on the vlog framing device in order to make a more entertaining comic overall, the truth still remains that anything beyond messages in a digital inbox from some far off unspecified rift in paradox space would have some pretty immersion breaking implications on the setting overall. I know I answered a question offering Dave some clothes but the clothes were not given to him, I used it more as a prompt for him to take the clothes he already had out of the dryer. Is this blog safe for minors? This blog contains canon typical violence and themes, however when it comes to sexual content (the one thing minors absolutely CANNOT legally interact with) this blog is rated T for teen. Think like The Big Bang Theory or How I Met Your Mother. Sex can be implied and a frequent topic of conversation but never occurs on screen. Ultimately it's up to you and maybe your parents to decide if you can handle the blogs contents as you are responsible for curating your own online experience. TLDR if you're old enough to be on tumblr you should be fine.

How do I address the author?

My name is Sky, she/her pronouns exclusively. Please don’t try to hold conversations via the ask box. Just DM me.

Where do I send questions and comments for the author?

@meteor-crew-after-dark

[dead-lausen-journeys]

Hi I like to request for yandere speedwagon please and thank you ❤❤

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Thanks for my first request! Due to nothing being specified I will write general head cannons for Yan Phantom Blood Speedwagon! Automatically gender neutral as well. I mean it's kinda one-shotish? Also, fun fact, I'm literally haunted by Speedwagon srs.

Warnings!!: Murder is mentioned, mentions of self sacrifice/starving oneself. As well as minor mentions of coercion.

―――――――――――――――――――――――

Yandere Speedwagon Head cannons;

-`▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬´-

We should start where it began, right? It's most likely that you were also some orphaned kid kicked out on the curb of Ogre street. Another poor soul similar to himself, possibly getting wrapped up in the same street gang he had also joined. Or maybe working freelance for any sort of income, but with how horrendous children are treated out there it's most likely not even worth trying. That's exactly why Speedwagon had even started to rely on criminal means to get by.

No matter how the two of you meet, either with normal or criminal means. It's a good thing to have people to rely on, and that's exactly what you were to the young man. Someone he could rely on when all else failed.

During the start of your formative years with the young blond boy, Speedwagon had a nack for getting himself into potentially life threatening situations. Either mugging the wrong gentleman on the streets, or getting caught stealing. Whatever it may be, you would either be right there to get him out of the fray, even heal and tend to his easily avoidable wounds... It makes a certain kind of trust to form between you two. Even if he's not entirely trustful of you at first, but as soon as you'd show him that you genuinely care, unlike those gangsters within Ogre street, he loosens up quickly. Much like how he saw Johnathans gold heart, he saw yours.

And as the two of you aged, growing up together like the family neither of you had, he'd soon grow more and more protective of you. Speedwagon values the genuinely good hearted people, it's an ideology you can't remove from him even with his sprees of theft and even murder. Being constantly exposed to such disturbing and horrifying things does something to people. He doesn't want to see the same thing happen with you. Not you, so, soon enough he asks you to stay behind. Not exactly restricting if you could go out or not. He knows you're capable, he's only paranoid that he would either find you dead or in an even worse state.

Especially when the two of you enter into adulthood, Speedwagon's paranoia about your safety reaches its absolute peak. Which would push his mental state further. Requesting that you just stay inside. Stay in the abandoned building the two of you called home until he gets back. He couldn't bear to see you hurt, especially when he could so easily prevent it.

To also say that over your years spent together in hell on earth made him catch some feelings for you, ones that aren't all that platonic. You've been his backbone since childhood, it was only natural that those feelings had realized themselves into this feeling of devotion. Especially with how brutal it is to live in such a place where food is considered a luxury. And Robert is a rather lucid man, he knows that a place like Ogre street isn't somewhere to fall in love- per say. Yet— he can't help this giddy feeling the blond gets around you even if he'd t.

You're a small dash of color in a land full of blacks and grey's. It only makes his heart swoon in joy once he's able to return to the place the two of you call home. Sometimes the man fantasizes about the both of you being married when this happens. That he's just your loving husband returning home, yet he knows that's not a reality. Yet, at least.

Over time he'd have a habit of trying to show off. Either from his bizarre fighting style to his almost frightening awareness and ability to narrate his surroundings to a T. Robert finds joy in this, seeing the way you either comment on his ability or subtly laugh at his goofy nature. It makes his days just a little bit brighter. It only fed this growing feeling in his heart that the two of you were meant to be.

But don't be fooled by his silliness, he can be quite serious when need be. As Robert himself has killed before, and will not hesitate to do so again when there's no other option left. It's most likely that he has killed someone for you're sake- either it be a dedicated creep or some London lowlife, he does feel guilty, but he'd rather protect those he loves rather than people he doesn't even know...

His street personality is strikingly different from his almost golden retriever-like attitude he carries around you at all times. Isn't he just the cutest, most charming man you've seen? Even if his antics are perceived as rather rude or extrinsic, Robert doesn't care. He'd light himself on fire to have those eyes on him for even a second longer...

These feelings he holds for you are rather charming. It runs deep within, more so than anyone could expect. As the eccentric man couldn't see himself where he is right now without you. You've played such a big role in why he's still breathing that he genuinely believes that he couldn't have survived up until now without your guidance and hospitality. His heart yearns to spew out his woes, to embrace you and never let go. He'd be the happiest man on earth if you even grazed his calloused and dirtied hands even accidentally. Practically making his stress melt away in record time and with flawless efficiency. There's nothing you could do now that would change Robert's view of you, he's practically like a trailing puppy at this point. Wherever you go, good ol' Robert E.O Speedwagon is not far behind!

He would give up anything to keep you well and happy, especially during those cold winters where he'd lend you anything warm he had- even if the two of you had the luxury of a fireplace in this old and rotten home. Robert would happily freeze, bleed and even starve if it meant that you were safe and sound.

The man is dedicated enough to bring around with him over a dozen momento's of you. From a torn and dirty piece of fabric that once belonged to your old clothes, maybe some locks of hair— if he's lucky enough he'd find some sort of locket to store these items of love— kissing it for good luck whenever he has the chance too. Robert is a hopeless romantic, after all. Keeping such things with him reminds him of why he's still fighting, to get back to you each time.

Oh, and about his prior fantasies of getting married— Robert would be overjoyed if you were to accept his proposal, even if it did take a bit of coercion. Robert is still over the moon with joy. With or without a ring, it doesn't matter to him. Especially after the events of Phantom Blood, Robert is just relieved that he's able to live the rest of his life with you without the threat of the supernatural or vampires... Or anyone else to disturb the two of you anymore...

[wishcamper]

Heavy Lies the Crown: Rhysand, greatness, and the pressures of power

Or: the librarian’s daughter, former playwright, licensed counselor mashup of my nightmares dreams because I am vast, I contain multitudes.

No content warnings and no real HOFAS spoilers, I don't think, other than that he's in it but I feel like you know that by now. Spoilers for Breaking Bad (lol).

---

In working on my current fic (on ao3 here!) I've been thinking a lot about Rhysand and how he really goes off the rails in ACOSF and HOFAS. It's easy to chalk it up to poor writing, but I like the challenge of trying to make it make sense. What are Rhys’ motivations, truly? What would explain the vast array of heinous shit he does the text tells us is justified?

Rhys is shown over and over to be quite Machiavellian ('ends justify the means' dude, who was maybe writing satire). It's easy to list the times he shows this. The 50 year Velaris hostage situation. The bargain UTM with Feyre. The Weaver's cottage. Stealing the Book from Tarquin. CLARE BEDDOR. Infiltrating people's minds. Torture. Assassination. Allying with Kier. Concealing his wife's medical information. Being an ass to people in general. According to Mr. Machiavelli, any action is warranted if it the goal it achieves is morally important enough.

It seems like Rhys can justify anything to himself if he believes it will serve the greatest good at the end of the day. He does so many things with the air of “it’s for your own good” or “you’ll understand why one day” but that day never.. comes? Not yet anyway, which begs the question: is he that unself-aware, or is there a longer game he’s playing that all of these minor skirmishes are leading up to? What if he knows what's coming? And what kind of cause or threat would feel so great he could justify everything he does up to this point?

Okay I'm gonna talk about Aristotelean literary structure, please don't leave me.

The idea of a tragic hero is a character whose downfall is inevitable but who fights against it anyway. Hamlet is a classic example of a tragic hero, Oedipus being the de facto first, Walter White from Breaking Bad a more modern version. We see Walt learn he’s going to die in the first episode, in the middle he does a bunch of stuff to prevent his physical death (cancer) and metaphorical death (failure/obscurity), and then both his body and reputation die in the last episode as a direct result of his attempts to avoid fate. It’s blissful Aristotelean symmetry. *chef’s kiss*

Every tragic hero has hamartia, more commonly known as a ‘fatal flaw’. In Hamlet, his fatal flaw is procrastination, and his delays create space for all kinds of the fuck shit he was trying to prevent. It’s important to note that hamartia is by design a neutral term - not so much a flaw, but a trait, motivation, or decision that sets off the chain of events the character is trying to avoid. Tragedies have occurred equally from too much love as too much hate, and doing nothing is just as much a decision as doing something. The word itself comes from the Greek for ‘to miss the mark’. To try and fail, the backbone of tragedy.

One of the most common hamartia is hubris, a modern synonym for arrogance but which more specifically means an outsized belief in one’s ability to affect and control the future. Well-known tragic heroes taken down by hubris include our boy Walter White, Tony Soprano, Viktor Frankenstein, Achilles, Jay Gatsby, Kendall from Succession. It exists in real life, too: Lance Armstrong is a perfect example of a modern tragic hero brought down by hubris. And what do all these men have in common? Power, via money, fame, strength, the state, intellect, violence etc.

I’ve been enjoying looking at Rhysand through this tragic hero lens because while it doesn’t really make him more sympathetic, it does make his actions easier to understand logically, which is its own kind of humanization. If Rhysand is aware of a prophesied or fated event sometime in the future and is pulling the cosmic strings now, it must be incredibly important, like annihilation-level important, which is so much pressure. 

So he grows to maturity with an understanding that he will one day have to face this intense evil that could completely destroy his world, and it plants in him a hubris. He believes that his immense power grants him a certain amount of influence automatically. And honestly, is he wrong?

And this is where it’s important to think about how power makes people weird. Power gives people a false sense of confidence in their actions and choices, because their status and privilege protect them from so many more consequences. In this way it’s easy to see how someone can get a big ego - no one is stopping me, so I must be doing well! Or: everything is going well for me, so I must be really killing it! I know I feel that way in the first tingles of hypomania, but hypomania is fundamentally a distortion of reality and I believe so is power.

Power not only gives people confidence but also access to make decisions for others. They begin to think they should share the success they’ve found by leading and guiding others to see how great it can be if you do what they say. Just look at one of those cringe 'billionaire morning routine' videos to see what I mean. It’s a very patronizing form of altruism, because the leader genuinely believes they have the people’s interest at heart. And I use the word patronizing intentionally - leaders have often referenced feeling paternal towards their people, Winston Churchill + FDR, 'God the Father'. Power and fatherhood have been linked for a long time. And direct from our girl Wikipedia, "paternalism is action that limits a person's or group's liberty or autonomy and is intended to promote their own good".

I was talking with a girlfriend of mine recently about how I think some men don’t have the experience of other people depending on them in a significant way until they get married and/or become fathers. Like, afab and femme people learn very early to be considerate of others, to think about how others feel, to act in ways that keep others happy, etc. This plants in us a sense of duty to perform in ways that please others, to smile, to create comfort and provide caretaking in every environment we enter. So by the time we get to marriage and motherhood, we already know how to put others’ needs before our own because we’ve been doing it from the jump.

For men, however, this can be a completely novel experience. And it seems like it's SO HEAVY FOR THEM. George ‘Father of his Country’ Washington just wanted to go back to Virginia the whole time he was President. So many men talk about the pressures of being a provider and their families depending on them in a way women don’t, and I think it’s because for the first time others truly depend on them and they don’t know how to handle it.

In response, they either shove down their emotions as patriarchy demands and have a midlife crisis, or they abdicate that responsibility and go completely absent physically and/or emotionally to continue living for themselves. (Obviously there are good men and dads out there, and bless you if you’re lucky enough to know, have, or be one.)

And this aspect of power feels relevant because from the text it seems like Rhysand is unraveling. Between Feyre, the baby, the Trove, Nesta and being threatened by her power, Koschei, Bryce, the whole High King shit - I think he’s starting to crack under the pressure. And honestly, I’m kind of surprised it didn’t happen before now.

According to Aristotle, the tragic hero must:

Be significant (virtuous/capable/powerful/important etc.)

Be flawed

Suffer a reversal of fortune.

Rhysie boy definitely ticks the first two. I wonder what it would look like to get to three? I don’t think Sarah has the balls, but it’s definitely enhanced my reading experience and given me a lot of interesting things to think about.

Okay that's all I've got. Love ya, see ya soon xx

[scarlet--wiccan]

I might as well say it and be wrong: I think the rules for how a character should be depicted are not the same for a character who has had multiple origins and sets of parents. Particularly when the only reference to Magda being Romani was a throwaway reference in Vision & the Scarlet Witch 2, and Magneto wasn't Jewish when he became her dad. Marvel is largely giving the depiction you want, which is fine, but that depiction is no more accurate than Whedon, who grew up with Whizzer/Miss America.

You are wrong. And if I'm being honest, because "I might as well say it," you're being a jackass.

Continuity and retcons don't really matter as much as, you know, having a moral backbone. These characters have been Romani for decades. The inclusion of Romani peoples in the Marvel world dates all the back to the Silver Age, and is often tied into portraits of either WW2 or the ongoing human rights crisis of European Romani minorities. I feel that the writers and filmmakers of today have a moral responsibility to do right by those stories and the real people they represent— especially since, let's be real, a lot of that material was problematic, and there was just as much exploitive stereotyping as there was earnest representation.

But at the end of the day, we're real people with a real history, and we don't deserve to get treated as disposable. If you think that the fact these two cartoon characters had a wobbly timeline back in the 70s outweighs that, you need to look inward.

Just as a reminder, at the time that Olsen and Johnson were cast to play the Maximoff twins, the characters had been consistently, canonically Romani for over 30 years. I do think at that point you have accept that it's an established fact. And for the record, there are a multiple references to Magda being Romani and/or Sinti, as well as a Holocaust survivor alongside Magneto, throughout the 80s and 90s. Don't test me about this shit.

[icanseethefuture333]

THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR...

A tarot reading on:

ENHYPEN

Enhypen as idols:

Their debut as idols honestly feels chaotic. I don't know what happened, but the members of the group were not prepared mentally it seems for the lifestyle that was to come as idols. There could of been conflict with schedules, technical issues, or delay in communication. Enhypen's debut was a hot topic as well or a lot of people were just talking about it. I have a feeling some members of the group were rebellious when they were younger. Their company could of had unrealistic expectations from when they were teenagers. I am being reminded of those monkeys who perform in the circus and are trained to be a pet. "Animal cruelty"? Enhypen were trained in a very unethical way. It's like their company made them do things that were not suitable for minors (Child labor? Lack of parental figures present? Missing school? Something of that nature). "It's like dancing for peanuts.", were they not being paid fairly in the beginning of their career? Yikes. Although, I see that since Enhypen are now young adults, they are finding a way to achieve success. There is a lot of emotional healing and abundance present. They are experiencing some sort of wish fulfillment. (Clarified by Adjustment) I feel like Enhypen are learning to balance their idol life with their personal lives, perhaps in the past they weren't allowed to have much freedom but now they can explore their options and be more independent. I keep seeing birds in these cards so Enhypen read their fans messages a lot and appreciate the encouraging words they get, they know that engenes got their back.

What does the music industry think of Enhypen?:

My phone crashed as I was writing this and I thought "break the industry" with this Tower card. The music industry adores them. They want to make them happy and give them all the endorsements they can possibly get. Their cards are on the table and they want to see what big move they will do next. Enhypen are only going to grow more and become even more accomplished.

What do other idols think of Enhypen?:

I heard "they got their ducks in a row". So that could mean as a group other idols believe they are playing it smart and making moves that will overall benefit them in the end. Enhypen are not afraid to take a chance or provide themselves with new endeavors. I thought of the scene from White Chicks when Marcus said "*out of breath* I don't know? I like a challenge." After getting in a fight with one of the biggest dudes there. So idols could see Enhypen as a group that can take a "beating", meaning they stay strong in moments of adversity. They're quite patient and have a lot of emotional intelligence, protective of each other as well.

Enhypen's dynamic as a group:

This group has a strong ass backbone. This is very impressive given the fact they're all so young. They can't be pushed around easily by people's words. "You can't move me, I'm stone." They just have a solid foundation and Enhypen all seem to be grounded individuals. They are compassionate, wise, charismatic, brave, and secure with themselves. Overall, I'd say they have a very strong bond as a group. Good luck to anyone who would want to sabotage them because they're not going anywhere and if shit were to ever go down at their company, they're leaving as a group.

[hongmingoo]

Untitled,

Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x reader

Synopsis: Nothing could have ever prepared Wonwoo for this. Nothing. Those six months of preparation couldn't even help him stand on his feet now. His world has crumbled, shattered– destroyed beyond repair. 

Inspired by: I can't run away | SEVENTEEN HHU, In the stars | Benson Boone

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: MINORS DNI | Major character death, critical ilness, heavy angst, very slight mention of suicide, mental illness, self loathe, hurt. Let me know if i miss anything.

Today is another day of him walking through the day in mute, like a zombie. Wake up, cold shower, coffee, go to work, came home, ate dinner at Joshua's and went home to sleep. Before sleep, he washed up, and sat up at his desk to write a journal. To keep his sanity. His fingers caressed a photo of you, hidden in between the pages. 

Without warning, his tears fall yet again. He doesn't even remember when was the last time he could fully smile. His heart broke at the sight of you, his dearest, in a pale yellow summer dress, smiling so brightly while staring at the sun. Wonwoo wept, with all his heart until he fell asleep on the desk from exhaustion.

…

"Wonwoo-yah. I really appreciate you loving my sister this much. But you being like this broke my heart to pieces. Let her go, Wonwoo. It has been 5 years since she passed. I don't think Y/n would've wanted to see you in pain like this. Please, talk to us," Joshua, his brother-in-law said, his voice cracking a bit.They were in the middle of drinking. It was their weekly routine. 

Wonwoo raised his head to look up at him. He saw that tears were filling the waterline in his eyes. His lips turned up a bit in a sad smile. 

"I can't," the younger man croaked, his clenched fist raised in the air before punching at his chest weakly. Wonwoo choked on his own sobs before he broke down completely, for the nth time. 

His mind brought him back to the memory of 5 years ago.

He was still blissfully resting in your arms. But somehow, you looked restless. There was something on the tip of your tongue, but you couldn't bring yourself to say it. Of course, he noticed this so he asked you what was wrong.

"Do you remember that I said that I was going for a check up at the hospital last week? Because I collapsed the day before," you asked.

"Yeah. What about it?" He replied, looking up at you with loving eyes. You took a deep shuddering breath, and that somehow alerted him that he's going to hear something that he won't like. 

"I was diagnosed with cancer. The same one that killed my mom. And they're already in my backbone…" you uttered and Wonwoo felt like his gut had been punched very strongly. His ears are ringing and his breath hitches. When he doesn't reply, you added,

"The doctors predicted that I'll only have 6-12 months at most due to how fast they're progressing. I- I'm sorry, Won" you broke down, pulling him into your embrace when you see the broken expression plastered across his beautiful face. 

"Why are you sorry? It's not your fault, it's just–" he choked on his tears too, holding onto you so tightly. 

What he said was true, it wasn't your fault. None of these are. But somehow it felt like it was. You never want to make him cry, never want to be the reason for his sadness and misery. But, not telling him about this news just to avoid seeing him sad would be unfair to him. Wonwoo is your husband, your lover. He deserves to know. After all, it takes two sides to make a relationship work. 

"Let's try everything we can okay? Every possible treatment available. Every therapy, and every remedy we can find. You'll be with me all along the way, right?" You assured, trying desperately to lighten up the heavy air between the two of you. 

Your small hands cups his beautiful face, gently wiping away the tears that cascading down his soft skin. 

"I love you, Wonwoo. So so much" 

"I love you too, Y/n. Please don't leave me"

As promised, you guys tried every possible treatment you can, and you stayed strong through it all, no matter how painful it is for you. Wonwoo could see how battered your small body got after every chemo, but you still smiled so sweetly at him. It made him feel guilty at some point to see you hurting like that. But he's a selfish man. He wants you to be with him forever. He doesn't want you to leave him. Even though he painfully knows that you dying would mean you won't be hurting anymore.

It's in the middle of the fourth month that you collapsed again, and this time it takes you 2 attempts at CPR and 24 hours to regain consciousness. The guilt is eating away at Wonwoo, seeing you so weak and fragile– very much in pain. He couldn't bring himself to see you like this. And yet, he didn't say anything but wished you would fight through it all for him. Because you love him. And you wouldn't leave someone you love. 

But fate seems to hate him for thinking so, for being so selfish. 

2 weeks after the 6th month, you breathed your last, in his arms, with tears staining your pale face. Wonwoo hated himself for making you cry even in your last moments, that your last words being you're sorry, instead of saying you love him. 

In that moment, he was sure that you hated him too, for forcing you to go through all those painful chemotherapies, for taking disgusting meds, for not being able to be strong and let you go. You were sick and in pain, but he still clings to you like a child. 

And for that, he refused to forgive himself. He let himself be in the deepest darkness possible, loathes himself so much that no one could save him. He would then go see you and apologize for being so stupid. He believed that he was the reason that you were in so much agony. 

But, so deep in his heart, he desperately wished that you would forgive him. That you'd tell him it's okay, it was normal to be afraid. So that he can be free from his misery. He wished that you'd pet his head and tell him you still love him despite his stupidity, so that he can breathe properly again. 

That night, after 5 long years, you appeared in his dream. Looking so ethereal like a literal goddess. You took him in your loving embrace, kissed his face and hair so gently like he's so fragile. You let him weep in your arms for who knows how long. 

"I love you so much, Wonwoo. Please don't be in pain anymore" 

His eyes shot open, seeing he's passed out at Joshua's couch as usual. The windows are open a bit to let the cool air in. And for the first time in a while, he can breathe properly. The heavy feelings confining his chest have dissipated and he believed that it's your doing. 

"I love you, Y/n. Thank you for staying with me"

And that night, Wonwoo realized that you might not be there with him physically, but you'll always be there in his heart and mind. 

-Fin-

[rabbitindisguise]

I think it makes sense to dismantle the expectations that young people can and should be activists, not in the sense that young people are bad at it or can't be capable at it or that it's unhealthy- but rather because there's this idea that if someone can't make big political gains when they're a minor that the society they end up in as an adult is more or less fixed unless the next generation changes it which is not true at all. Society has progressed a lot since I was a kid and a lot of that was what we did as adults, not kids, but I'm burned out enough I can no long participate which more or less renders my efforts moot compared to people who set better boundaries because it wasn't sustainable. So I think kids aren't the backbone of the leftist movement, the leftist movement is more a refuge for marginalized kids with nowhere else to go. And I think personally I need to keep in mind that it's my responsibility as an adult to have firm understandings of what is and is not reasonable to expect from children because otherwise there's a trap of putting the onus on them to fix society