#i'm extremely grateful my parents aren't like that but I know some people's are and I'm so sorry if you're in that situation.

[whistlingstarlight]

Thinking about that bit from Mother 3 where Kumatora defends Duster from his asshole dad and everything that led up to it:

"You know, you shouldn't keep calling your own kid a moron. Because if he really is a moron, he wouldn't understand anyway."

That line hit me hard when I first played through that scene. Rarely do I get genuinely angry at characters in video games, but Wess absolutely infuriated me throughout the chapter. He sets Duster up for failure by telling him "you'll know it when you see it" in regards to the item he's been sent to retrieve, then gets angry when Duster inevitably brings back the wrong thing (to the point of physically breaking said item, which visibly stresses out Duster).

He continually berates Duster the rest of the journey through the castle, calling him a moron and even a failure. When Kumatora steps in to defend Duster, Wess has no response. It's not until Duster does something right in Wess's eyes that he "takes it all back". Even though Duster's more than proved himself by that point, Wess stays hung up on one mistake and will not let Duster forget it.

Duster is not a moron. He's extremely aware of everything his dad says, and understands what he means by it.

And despite supposedly taking it all back, and after his son being missing for three years, he calls him a moron one last time.

It's quite a light insult for a game with so many dark themes, but it's a frighteningly realistic depiction of what some parents are like. Slowly wearing you down with petty insults and mockery until you don't have the confidence to defend yourself. Then give you the barest of compliments when you do something "right".

[yumeka-sxf]

According to this tweet from Endo, today's new chapter will be the final installment of the "Henry x Martha backstory" arc...and it definitely went out on a high note! The part where Martha meets Henry's wife was absolutely heartbreaking...in particular the below page, starting with an upside down view of the scene, showing how the world is literally warping for Martha, followed by shards and shreds of her various memories with Henry, all the while the "throb, throb" of her heart is overlaying all the panels. Definitely one of Endo's best portrayals of a truly shocking moment.

It's also interesting that we never see Lucia's face, despite her having a big panel when she first appears.

Endo has done this before with other characters, Loid's parents being the other big example. We also never see their faces, despite them appearing several times during his flashback arc.

With the few examples we've had, to me it seems like Endo hides the faces of characters who 1) appear as flashbacks only and 2) who have had a significant emotional impact on the character whose memories they appear in, but at the same time, that character has since done their best to get over the painful memories associated with them. So they basically represent some past trauma for the character (even if they don't necessarily dislike them) but in the current time, they've more or less left that part of their past behind. Hence why their faces are obscured in the character's memories. This is also why I think we'll never see Loid's parents or Lucia's faces outside of flashbacks. This is just my interpretation of course, and I'm curious if there will be more examples in other characters' flashback arcs.

But back to Henry and Martha, I also liked the fact that, despite her broken heart, Martha still saw Lucia as a good person and became friends with her. Henry seems to love her as well. This actually ties back very well to what Martha tells Becky at the end of her story about how dangerous it is to latch onto preconceptions and prejudices without knowing the truth.

In Becky's simple world, she would see Lucia as the "evil seductress who stole Henry away" and Martha has to get him back. But as Martha said, things aren't always that simple and don't always adhere to our preconceived notions. Sometimes things can't end up exactly how you want or expect, so you have to be grateful for what you have and see things as they truly are, despite living with lingering regrets. In fact, this whole speech from Martha at the conclusion of her flashback was extremely deep and profound. Not many people can write both comedy and drama so well, but Endo is certainly one of them.

Also, is this Wiesel's first appearance? Still waiting for the doggy play date chapter with Wiesel, Bond, Max, and Aaron! 🐶

Since it's been so long since I read the first chapter of this arc, I couldn't remember if Martha had actually revealed the identity of her lover in her story, but makes sense that she didn't. I can imagine Becky storming into school yelling at Henderson and causing total embarrassment for all 😅 Funny that she almost guessed correctly though.

I'm surprised we never found out how Martha started working for the Blackbells, but that's an easy enough mystery to solve - she needed work after the wars were over, and being a bodyguard suited an ex-soldier. Also seems like she never told Henry her true feelings either...maybe by the time Lucia died, it was too late and they had both grown somewhat apart by then, and/or they had some additional falling outs about Martha joining the other wars, etc. It just wasn't meant to be and the message of the story was Martha coming to terms with that and being wiser for it.

In conclusion, this was a great arc that really shows Endo's range as a writer who can do both comedy and drama very well. Despite Henry and Martha being side characters, I have a feeling that the struggles they experienced will have relevance later in the series. But for now, I look forward to seeing the Forgers and other characters again (and getting back to the last major uproar of Anya telling Damian about her powers...seems like ages ago, lol). Endo will be taking a well deserved break, so the next new chapter will be on August 19th!

I also have some new posts planned in the coming weeks, so stay tuned for those as well 😀

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi there!

I hope you’re doing well, i love your blog and i think you’re a very cool person.

I have a bit of a problem and i was hoping i could get some advice from you about it

So basically last year i had a really hard time at school due to my terrible mental health. I don’t want to go into too much detail but i just felt horrible and i struggled with some very bad thoughts

I asked to go to a psychologist, and i was allowed to go, but only a few times before my parents decided it was too expensive for me to keep going (i did tell them multiple times how bad i felt, but they didn’t take me seriously)

At the same time as that was going on, my sibling was also having a tough time, but they received more support from our parents than I ever did (this isn’t that relevant, but I just feel salty about it so i included it)

Now i feel a bit better, but i’m scared when the school year starts again i’ll start getting bad again. I know i have to start doing better at school because it’s my last year and i need to get into a good university. That’s why I desperately need to get myself together and just magically feel better.

But then again, getting better is kind of hard, and i don’t have much support with that - i’m still a minor, so i can’t go to a therapist without my parents’ permission, and i know they probably won’t let me go if i ask. I can’t talk to my parents about my mental health anymore after how they treated me when i talked to them about it last time, and i don’t have any other trusted adult to go to about this.

I do have my friends though, and while i am extremely grateful that they’re there for me, i am scared that it won’t be enough and that i’ll have another mental breakdown in a few months

Do you have any advice for me on how to cope with stuff? All i need is to get through the next year and then once i go to uni i can actually seek professional help. Until then, is there anything I could do to make myself feel better?

Thanks so much for your help and i’m sorry to dump this on you, i’m just getting a bit desperate

lots of love from a stranger on the internet 💗

Hi hon!

I'm so sorry that you're struggling with this.

So I think this time around you have a bit of an advantage, because you know the things that trigger you and you can be proactive. If you feel yourself getting depressed, use the positive coping skills you have. But also, make sure to use them before you need them. Plan for lots of time for self-care. It might feel like a waste, but you're preventing being in the space you were in before.

If you find yourself in a spot like you were before, there are a lot of online help centers that you can use- the people on these help lines are trained. They aren't professionals like therapists are, but they are trained in a crisis and they can be helpful in a pinch, especially if you know you can get better help in the future.

Also- keep that in mind. You have hope in the future. Make a countdown on your phone and remind yourself that things will get better.

Edited to add: someone wrote to remind me- schools have counselors! Wow, it really is summer, I completely forgot to add this. Does your school have a counselor you'd be comfortable talking to? They can be very helpful to vent to and to help you with coping skills and manage school stress!

You can do this, and I'm here of you need to talk! <3

Naming you support anon!

[bnhaobservation]

Is there a fanfic wbere Enji actually is a father to Shouto? Because I will be honest. I don't think he liked the kid very much or he wasn't the one he bonded with the most. I just like to see that for once..

Well...

...let's start with canon first as this might be an interest shared by more people.

The usual premise is that I'm not Horikoshi so I don't own The Truth. What follows are my beliefs. Feel free to disagree.

Did Enji like Shouto in the manga? Did he bond with him?

When Horikoshi created the Todoroki family very likely he had in mind some typical TRADITIONAL Japanese tropes and values for it, tropes and values which aren't shared in the west (and, to be honest, are dying down in Japan as well, but it's a 'recent' thing).

For example we see Enji as 'not being a father for his kids'... but in old Japanese manga and anime his behaviour toward Shouto would have been, shockingly (or maybe I should say 'disgustingly'), considered the behaviour of a very loving dad.

I've discussed more about it here, and I should probably make a meta about it since it seems a topic of relevance, but in a not so far past, in manga and anime and other media (and also in real life) if your father were to take his time to train you in an abusive way, it was considered the peack of fatherhood because he was helping you to improve, because it was believed that harsh training (read: abuse) would help you to improve, and if you were against it, you were only an immature brat, but eventually you would realize your father's love and the story would have a touching scene with the kid crying and being grateful to his father for the training (read: abuse) he received as it actually was a splending bonding moment (yeah, it was a disgusting mindsetting).

As if the abuse wasn't enough, back then it was believed being what we would call a 'loving dad' western style would make your kid weak, so a model father should be stern and criticize and not praise him.

Horikoshi mostly subverts this trope as Enji will never get praised for his way to interact with Shouto but will be forced to understand that his behaviour was wrong and that a real father would have acted differently.

Still, in this setting, Enji did love his kids but acted following outdated (and extremely harmful) educative methods that caused more harm that good to his children especially to the one he tried to bond with the most, Shouto (because bonding through abuse is actually not going to work).

Of course this comes in with huge narrative problems especially for western readers.

In many western countries we're very aware of how such behavior is so deeply wrong we just can't see it as misguided love. We believe Enji SHOULD KNOW his behaviour toward his kids is wrong, that it's abuse, and that a person who loves his kids would never abuse them.

To make matters even more confusing Horikoshi retconned the Todoroki family more than once, which makes even harder to follow its dynamics.

As a result, if we look at Enji, we don't see a father who loved his kids but acted in the wrong way with them due to wrong educative beliefs, we see a person who didn't care about them beyond for the use they could have for him, and didn't bond with them at all. In fanfics this often gets portrayed in an even stronger manner than canon, with Enji being much more of an abuser than he is in canon, beating his kids horribly.

So is there a fanfic in which Enji actually is a father to Shouto?

I don't really have knowledge of all the fanfics in the net (and I generally focus on fanfics that regrd the Todoroki family as a whole) but I can reassure you saying I'm aware there are some. If you go to AO3 you might want to look at the tag Good Parent Todoroki Enji | Endeavor or at the tag Todoroki Enji | Endeavor Redemption.

Of course, since Shouto is the forth of four kids, in fanfics that decide that Enji is going to be a good father from the start, his behavior generally changes BEFORE Shouto is born.

One of my fave fics "Where your love has always been enough (for me)" by @classicequinox depicts Enji as being a loving dad to Shouto... but the Shouto of the story never gets to experience him being a bad dad. Enji has already changed his ways way before Shouto's birth and you see him interacting with Shouto after a good number of chapters because... the story has to reach Shouto's birth.

The same goes with "as i live and breathe" by extrastellar which actually focuses on how the premature birth of Touya, and the fact he might not have survived, pushed Enji to change his life. So he's a good father to Shouto but... you don't see much of it because the story focuses more on what pushed him to change.

Other fics I know have Enji have a change of heart later on (either due to Touya resulting alive, Enji travelling back in the past but reaching a point in which Shouto was already born), but it's generally a change of heart that involves all his family and not just specifically Shouto.

Still you can try adding to your research the tag Todoroki Enji | Endeavor & Todoroki Shouto and see if the combination of this tag with the other two give you fics that focus specifically on Enji and Shouto's relationship instead than on all the Todoroki siblings.

Something else worth mentioning is that, although I saw many fics giving Enji a change of heart due to Touya, in canon it's due to Shouto (and Midoriya) Enji slowly starts having a change of heart.

Midoriya pointing out Shouto isn't Enji impressed Enji...

...when Midoriya will intern under him Enji will still remember his words.

Then we've Shouto rejecting him after his fight with Midoriya. Enji, in a way that's faithful to the old trope of the (abusive) trainer/father, expected now that Shouto had used his fire as he wanted, had grown over what he believed was a childish rebellion. Shouto instead makes clear he's not over it, that actually he used his fire because he has forgotten about him (in the old trope it would be the opposite, Shouto would have used his fire because he had finally embraced Enji's teaching... instead Horikoshi completely subverted it)

Enji is forced to realize he's not the role model he believes to be for Shouto. Shouto actually shows his best when he doesn't follow his father's teaching.

This, combined with the fact that when All Might task him what purpose his strength serve and Enji connects it to safeguard his son's future...

...is what will later push him to try to connect with Shouto, praising him and telling him he'll try to be a Hero he could be proud of.

And it's always Shouto (though this time probably combined with Natsuo)...

... who later pushes him to think what he could do for his family each night.

I could go on but still canonically Shouto is a big part of what lead Enji to change... but the change is so slow it's easy to miss it (I've talked about Enji's atonement arc in two posts which are available here and here) and since the atonement arc hasn't ended yet, we hardly see Enji being good to Shouto in a way that can feel consistent and satisfying for the expectations of western readers... to us he just does too little (which is why many fanfic authors prefer to focus on something drastic happening that pushes him to make a 180° turn instead than slow tiny little hardly visible improvements)... but well, we aren't the intended audience and we lose nuances that instead are important for the intended audience.

Said so I fully understand your wish for an Enji who finally acts like a good father to Shouto as poor Shouto definitely deserves more love and I hope you'll manage to find many fanfics that will focus on them and provide it to you.

Thank you for your ask and for the chance to talk a bit about Shouto!

[furiousgoldfish]

hello!

i decided to ask for some advice, if you don't really know, you can encourage ppl to answer in replies/rbs, that's totally fine.

the question of disability has long since been on my mind, and for a while now, i've considered myself disabled. physically i'm not the worst, but my mental problems often render me unable to do anything at all, from taking care of myself and my living space, to doing any activities (especially if it's some kind of job), to even thinking straight - i think my headmates try to get through to me in those moments, but it usually doesn't reach me when it's really bad, so it falls onto my own shoulders to keep myself from harming the body. my first ask for advice is with this. what are some tips for surviving those pretty frequent moments, or maybe lessening their intensity or frequency? maybe some internal/external system communication tips?

that's not the only thing, though. since i'm unemployed, i have to depend on my parents for money - my mother neglected me for the better part of my life, and my father abused me. it's a whole can of worms, but the most important issue is that disability payments in my country aren't really enough to pay for everything, and so i somehow have to convince my mother that i am, in fact, disabled and unable to get a job, and manage to keep her financial support, as that's unfortunately my only option seemingly. if you or anyone can give some advice on that, i'd be really grateful.

apologies for such a long one. try to stay safe and take some care of yourself!

Oh wow you're asking for dissociative disorder advice, something I'm very not qualified to give! I do fully believe that mental problems sabotaging you from being able to take care of yourself, and struggling to just not harm the body, count as a disability, and you deserve and should be given help, you do not deserve to have to fight so badly just to get to survive, and it should be society's responsibility to help you be safe and sound (not that I know how to get this from society, it's a tough issue).

I know all common information on osdd suggests improving communication and getting to know your headmates better, but I can imagine this is tougher to say than to do, and I haven't managed it either, it's a big mess in here too, but I still don't experience what you do – not being able to think, wanting to do harm to yourself, I am somehow protected from this, so I don't know what would help such extreme situations, but it sounds extremely serious and I hope you can find a way to resolve it, I am sure it's not something that cannot be resolved. This should be able to get better.

I'm so sorry that you have to depend on your parents due to disability and a dissociative disorder that they likely caused; it's unfair and messed up. And that the disability payments are not enough to give you safety, that is extremely unfair and unkind. I'm not sure how you'd be able to convince a neglectful parent that you're disabled, it's difficult to convince neglectful parents of anything since their main feature is not caring about how you're doing and just expecting things out of you endlessly. I feel like maybe if she got information about the dissociative disorder, not from you, but from people she respects and wants to impress, that this might sway her, but it's impossible to tell because it might also not work.

Yeah I'm really sorry that all I can do is confirm that your situation is difficult and one that nobody would want to be in, and you're asking some real serious and tough questions here. I can say you're asking the good and right questions though! I can tell that you're looking very seriously to resolve this and you're trying to find any way to freedom and protection from abuse, and I love that, I'm sure you'll eventually get there, because you are looking in a good direction.

If anyone else could give advice to anon, please respond to this post!

[sybaritick]

I think it's good to occasionally remember that you are entitled to nothing, you come into this world entirely helpless, and that you are alive at all is due to considerable effort on other people's part. For several reasons:

"My parent(s) and/or grandparent(s) and/or guardian(s) spent considerable time and money to keep me alive" and "I do not owe a debt to them for this. It was their decision to do so" can both be true at the same time. For a long time I felt I owed a (financial) debt to my parents for the time and expense of raising me. I don't. You were a little kid-- there is no contract or unspoken agreement that binds you because you could not have meaningfully agreed to it.

There is almost nothing anyone truly accomplishes alone. Someone grows the rice that feeds you; someone sews the jeans you wear; someone builds the apartment you live in. How did you obtain these things? Through trade, exploitation, as gifts from someone else who obtained them by trade or exploitation? It's a combination of these things. I pay rent with money I earn working (trade); that the money I earn working can pay for my lifestyle is due to being born in the US, which is just luck (gift); the US is able to maintain this through its position in the world (exploitation, trade).

No one is entitled to your time, effort, and money, but you aren't entitled to anyone else's either. It's good to help other people, both your friends and your neighbors and strangers struggling on the other side of the world. And it's good to accept help if you need it. But remember that if you are giving more than you can handle without suffering, you may be creating an obligation in your head that doesn't really exist. And remember that help that others are giving to you is never obligated (even if you are friends), but also that people generally want to help their friends, and you shouldn't feel guilty for it as literally everyone benefits from help at some points in their lives.

And similarly, relationships being reciprocal is natural and not evil. People are friends because they benefit from knowing each other. Lots of people don't like this. But the benefit is often just that you enjoy their presence and conversation and they enjoy yours. If over time a friendship or relationship is making your life worse overall, stop putting your effort into it. But in all other cases, your life is better with them and theirs is better with you. It's a trade that enriches both people involved.

Anyway, I'm not saying you should become obsessed with these things. Spending every moment doing the calculus of what you've collected and what you've paid will make you insane. Much of it is extremely hard to quantify. But it's worth occasionally considering. It often makes me feel grateful for how lucky I've been by chance, and it helps me remember I don't need to put effort into relationships that have done little but make me feel stressed and unhappy for years.

[1d1195]

I get scared that I’m in the portion of my life that is the part where everyone said it would get better, and if this is the best I’m going to get…. And I’m not even being ungrateful for some of the good I do have it’s just the bad is so debilitating. I’m at the point now where I’m very sure that there is someone who hears our prayers and wishes and they are just laughing at me. Cuz one time is a coincidence but after over twenty years worth you figure that it’s you. So now I’m at a point where I no longer pray and wish and that’s devastating in its own way. I’m not sure what I want out of messaging you about it, you don’t have to post or respond, I just needed to say it to someone. If I tell my boyfriend it’ll kill him. How do people keep hope and how can I be better at it?

Thank you for feeling safe enough to message me something like this. I know it's hard to say things like this out loud so I'm glad I could offer some help in just you getting it off your chest. Also, fair warning, with these types of messages I tend to ramble and go on and on, so I apologize for that in advance. I don't intend to sound preachy or like I know best, either. You can ignore everything I say, honestly, I won't be offended. The gist of it, is you're not alone and you can't lose hope.

(Upon finishing my answer, it's long-long. Like 1k words)

I'm not an extremely religious person but I totally get what you're saying. My mom always said going to church and saying a prayer would make things that I felt were bad feel better, but I've never really felt much better afterwards. I won't delve too deeply into the religious side of things, but I really understand what you're saying. There are some pretty terrible people in the world who get whatever they want and then there's me who said my prayers before bed for YEARS and asked for help and got nothing in return. It's really hard to feel faithful when it seems like every prayer goes unanswered. I know what you mean by feeling devastated by no longer wanting to pray or wish. But I also think that if you take a break, it's not like you can't go back. One thing I do still believe in is the higher powers that be will always take someone back even if their faith was shaken.

I don't think you're alone in how you're feeling. I've had to redefine my happiness a lot over the last few years. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing myself a disservice by doing so, but it also feels like if I don't then I'll spiral real bad. I feel the same way you do, I have a LOT of good in my life that I'm very grateful for, but it's hard to ignore the overwhelming parts that aren't so good. Even as a society there is so much bad and turmoil. It's hard to believe in good things and a bright future when, especially in the last few years, it seems like the world is on a mission to not have a future. I worry all the time that I will never be able to afford a house or have kids (something I've always, always wanted) and moreover that my parents will never meet my kids because they'll be gone before I can afford it. I worry I'll never be happy with how I look or feel about myself. I worry that my long-term boyfriend will never propose because we can't afford that either. I worry that people are constantly judging how I choose to live my life because of all these things. I always feel behind.

I'm not sure I have the answers on behalf of everyone, but for me, I've chosen to really focus on my own peace of mind. The parts of my life that are good, I spend more time focusing on those things. I have a job that supports the apartment I'm fortunate to have. I love my boyfriend. Because of where I teach I was able to get all my student loans forgiven. I enjoy reading books and writing on here. I am really focusing on being better to my body physically and emotionally. Every time I have pasta or a bake potato I think about how good life is.

I've definitely mentioned it before but I'm very anti-news and I tell everyone it really changed my life by turning it off. I still read headlines so I'm not totally in the dark and I'll look things up if necessary, but not watching all the horrible things that have happened in my state has made me infinitely happier.

Part of my own weird philosophy here is that I have to believe in hope. It's not something I let slip by. I hope all day long. You're not wrong though, it's probably the hardest thing I've ever done because it seems like there's every reason not to have hope these days. It's super frustrating. But I watch these videos of "humans being human" and it's all these heartwarming stories of people catching children out of burning buildings or saving a dog from a flood. They make me cry and make me hope. https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/ is also a REALLY good website to make you believe in humanity and good when you're feeling down.

I think (and hope) your boyfriend would also be supportive if you told him. There's a chance that maybe he feels the same way? Or maybe he can help you feel better in a way that you haven't thought of yet. If you choose to not tell him, I hope you find someone to talk to instead because it's REALLY hard to do this alone. I'm in the same boat as you; I know it's easier said than done. I don't tell my boyfriend how I'm feeling a lot of the time either (that's why I'm always writing cathartic things about how I feel on here).

You're also always welcome to share how you're feeling here. Good or bad. I'm a great sounding board (in my personal opinion). I would love to cheer you on or support you when you're feeling down. Whatever you want. Obviously I'm not a professional, but I can feel how difficult things seem for you in what you wrote. I'm a firm believer in happy endings too, so if this doesn't feel like this is the best, then you haven't hit the best yet. So you can't lose hope. I know it's hard and I don't think enough people say that. Having hope is one of the most challenging parts of my life. I was REALLY negative for...gosh, I think it was something like 6-8 years. My friend pointed out I was really negative. Over a Facebook message. Just said she was worried about me. It was like a switch in me. I didn't realize how bad I got.

So it's not going to be easy, but I hope you don't lose hope. If you feel like you can't, let me know. I'll hope for you too.

Hopefully, (no pun intended) this helped just a little. Please let me know if you ever need to vent, I'm always going to be here 💕

xoxo

[rald5in]

Soma <- He gives me nobility vibes, so he is basically a curious and optimistic noble who set his own adventure of the world of Thalassa. His parents are definitely against him going out, especially since he is a *Sea Child.

(*People whose prayers were answered by the sea, granting them abilities that are retained by their desires and personality, such as his bird appearance and ability that reflect his desire.)

However, he is determined to see the world through his eyes, so when he is 18 years old he sneaks, then his first adventure is to a 3-day walked town, which he is greatly excited about but he literally got pick-pocked fast which he panics because that's most of his savings yet that didn't deter his spirit, so he sells a couple of jewelry.

He does have experience with fighting but it is basic and he has no actual experience. He gets his ass beat with certain creatures and trick by people.

So he sold the jewelry and rented a inn for a night or two to just explore the town since this is the furthest he have ever walked without bodyguards or his parents.

He does have some survival knowledge as he is supposed to be a doctor and he knows a lot about his faunas and floras. It also helps that he is a birdman so he did managed to survive for 3 days by just sleeping at the top of a tree and eating bugs.

He could theoretically survive but he also doesn't help that he is a Sea Child which increase his chances of being enslaved since they're susceptible to become an *item upon death.

(*The physical manifestation of one’s desire with high desire, extreme yearning, and longing then it would manifest into a item that encompasses that desire.)

That why he wears a cloak, thick boots, and plague doctor's mask since he's going to get bad attention, so it does help that he is technically a doctor-in-training.

So kind of thinking about taking advantage of said knowledge to become a healer adventurer that mostly heal light ailments such as stomach aches, allergies, illness, and more.

Earning him the nick name of Bird Doctor (Might change this)

One day in the forest, he ended up seeing an injured white cat against some old ruins when they see him, they went defensive; hissing and glaring. He rose both of his arms up, "Look, I am not here to hurt you." In which, the Cat doesn't believe.

"Watch it, pest. I'm not afraid to claw you out if step a foot closer."

Soma scanned the injury, it looks bad, and big. He doesn't want to leave them be and he cursed himself for being soft-hearted.

"I...I'm also a Sea Child. Just like you." As he remove his mask.

That made them paused and lighten up their threatening aura.

"I understand that you do not trust me but I am a doctor and that injury of yours is bad that could get infected. It could be fatal." He said removing his cloak and sword down to the side of a tree where the cat can still see it, "There is my sword."

"...Fine. Do something funny, you'll better say goodbye to one of your limbs."

"You have my word."

When the doctor finished and wrap the injury. The cat, who introduce themselves as Fenn, raise a brow, "You're pretty kind there, bird. I'm grateful for the help, so I own you a debt-"

"Oh, you don't have to-"

"Ah! Ah! Shush! I don't wanna hear that humble pie of yours and I'll repay your kindness in the future but word of advice that goody-good attitude of yours will get you killed. Don't reveal to much of your cards, Doc." They snort, "The fact that you reveal your status of Sea Child, some aren't as kind when that information is given."

"I'll take your word for it." Giving a couple of medicine and ointments to Fenn and waving a goodbye.

(Their first meeting)

That debt is one day going to be repaid.

One day when he went to another town, he got found out that he is a Sea Child by people who he thought he could trust so he ended up being chased to the forest. It helps he flies but what doesn't help that those slave traders have items that's used for capturing.

He got captured by using a wired net, he tries to pry it off but it's difficult, and it hurts his body. He tries not to struggle too much, the less his injured, the better.

He is then put in a cart, he's quietly panicking, trying to think of ways to loosen his bindings with minimal damage so he could escape properly. Before he could even think, he heard a yell.

"AUGH!"

One of the trade slavers got their head cut off and then a familiar voice.

"Well, seems like I repaid my debt, Doc."

[casspurrjoybell-28]

The Alpha's Addiction - Chapter 10a

*Warning Adult Content*

School - Part 1 - Kao

I will admit, I may have been a tad too extreme with Cyrus.

I shouldn't have lashed out like that when he's the only reason Oliver and I are being provided with shelter and food.

The days following that particular... incident, I've been on edge, waiting for the call for us to be kicked out.

Without a doubt, there are always severe consequences for disrespecting alphas.

I don't know how a week of that not occurring made me forget.

They have power, something I can't afford to disregard.

Even if omegas seem to have better standing and more freedom here, the stronger gender is always in charge at the end of the day.

But surprisingly, there's no word from Cyrus.

It's like he's disappeared off the face of the earth.

I feel something nagging me in the back of my mind, almost like a feeling of... guilt.

"Koa? Earth to Koa?" a dainty hand waves in my face and I'm jerked out of my thoughts.

I turn to Morgan, who I'm sitting with in the Pack House dining area.

There are only a few other people here, so I'm pretty at ease.

Oliver's across the room conversing with a cute little omega girl.

"Sorry," I shake my head, grateful for the distraction to take my mind off Cyrus.

"It's alright. I was just asking if there was anything you wanted to talk about. You look troubled."

Morgan frowns at me through his silver-rimmed glasses that perfectly complement his gray coat.

"What..." I start, wondering if the question sounds weird,

"What do you know about Cyrus?"

Why the hell did I just ask that?

Wasn't I trying to not think about him?

Morgan's eyebrows shoot up, a grin erupting on his face and I know I've definitely made a mistake.

"You're curious about him, aren't you?" he asks, a teasing lilt in his tone.

"Of course I'm not," I deny, hoping the flush of my cheeks doesn't give me away.

"Well, if you really want to know, why don't you talk to him yourself?"

"We're not exactly on talking terms. I... don't think we ever have been. I barely know the guy."

"But he's your mate. You'll have to know him sooner or later," Morgan remarks cheerfully as I gape at him.

"How do you know that?"

"When our Pack Alpha comes back from a mission looking completely starstruck with a gorgeous Omega at his side, I'm going to assume things. I'm sure others are too, even if there's been no public announcement yet."

"Oh... that makes sense. Thanks," I feel shy at the indirect compliment, not used to the attention coming from non-Alphas.

And the kind manner in which Morgan says it is a nice change to being called sexy as my face is shoved into a pillow by some Alpha I don't know the name of.

But anyhow, guess it's obvious to the citizens of this pack what I'm here for.

And I'm not quite sure what that means for me here.

I don't imagine I have the best reputation right now, being an outsider with a child 'stealing' away their Alpha.

Not that I plan to do that... it's never happening.

"Don't feel pressured, Koa. By any of this. We're all here to look out for you. You're like family now."

'Family.'

That word is so strange to me.

I've only had Oliver, for the longest time.

Before that, Des was my only real family.

My parents definitely don't count.

They couldn't care less for an Omega child.

They expelled me from their lives when I turned ten, deeming me old enough to face the world on my own.

It was Des and his father who took me in then.

But his father died of sickness three years later and the only place we could stay after that was the Pack Hous,,, -in return for our constant labor, of course.

I remember curling up together on those cold nights, holding each other for warmth.

It all seems so far away now.

Oliver is my present.

He's all that matters.

Des is gone and Cyrus is... I don't know what because calling him my mate still doesn't sit right with me.

The Moon Goddess can't give me a break, I've determined.

I can only smile and nod back, not quite believing his statement.

"Mama," Oliver calls, running over to us holding the hand of the girl.

"Mama. I wanna go to school with Flora. She said it's really fun."

"Well hello, you two."

Morgan stands up from his chair, kneeling down to him.

"School?" I question. "I don't know..."

"I'm a teacher there, Koa. Why don't I show you two around today before you decide?"

Morgan's eyes are large and hopeful and I can't find it in me to say no.

Especially when I haven't seen Oliver look this excited in ages.

*

"You didn't tell me he would be here."

I peer out of the second-story window of the schoolhouse down at the lawn, spotting a crowd of children surrounding Cyrus, flanked by Xavier and Lonnie.

"It is his pack, hun," Morgan giggles "You'll have to see him eventually."

"Cyrus is so cool," Oliver cheers, dressed in the school uniform he begged me to try on.

It's lavender and sage green, easy on the eyes but bright enough to be able to keep an eye on all the pups.

I was unsure about this whole school thing at first but it may be growing on me.

Oliver has never had the chance to learn to read and write or practice maths.

All his existing knowledge revolves around navigating the toxic hierarchy of the Blood Pack.

He deserves to have a mind filled with far more interesting and wonderful things.

"Your mama doesn't seem to think so," Morgan teases, writing something down on a piece of parchment.

I roll my eyes.

"What's he even doing here?"

"He likes to be involved in the community. Every once in a while he'll come for an afternoon to play with the pups and answer all their questions. They love it."

"I want to go down there," Oliver pulls on my shirt, urging me with a pleading look on his face.

"Oh, fine."

Oliver practically pulls me down the stairs, Morgan following behind as we make our way to the group of yapping pups.

My son spots the girl from earlier, Flora and squeals, rushing over to her.

'Joy.' Joy is emanating from everywhere in this school.

Omegas, Betas and Alphas alike make up the students.

In the Blood Pack, only Alphas or Betas could study.

I had to learn at home on my own but even that was discouraged.

They wanted us dumbed down so we wouldn't fight back.

It's crazy to me how none of that sentiment is present here.

The pups are all friends. They're so happy.

I watch as Cyrus lifts a girl up into his arms, making her laugh with something he says.

"See? It will be good for Oliver here. It's safe. You have my word," Morgan says.

It's not that I don't believe him, it's that I don't want to let my little boy go.

There's no denying that I am extremely overprotective but I'm also attached to him.

I won't be used to him not always being around.

But I guess he's growing up.

He can't hold my hand forever.

As I watch Cyrus kneel down to talk to the pups at eye level, I can't help but smile.

It's funny to see such a huge, menacing-looking Alpha like him next to the tiny pups.

But they aren't scared of him.

Not one bit.

Morgan follows my line of sight, smirking.

"He's good with kids, no?"

"I suppose," I reply reluctantly.

"Oliver seems to like him, too."

I raise an eyebrow at him.

"And what exactly are you trying to say?"

The man shrugs.

"Maybe that you should give him a chance?"

I scoff, shaking my head.

"It's not that easy, Morgan. There are so many reasons why... why I can't."

I look down, unwanted flashbacks of the past flitting through my mind.

What they did to me. The Alphas.

I'm usually good at pushing it all down, hiding that trauma away.

But when I'm being asked to entertain the idea of letting an Alpha into my life again, it's so hard not to recall the horrors I went through because of their kind. Cyrus' kind.

And I can't ever go through that again.

The mood becomes awkward, Morgan fiddling with his hands.

"I'm sorry. I've overstepped."

"You're fine."

I shrug, pretending it's nothing.

He eventually has to go talk to the other teachers, so I'm left standing there, not knowing what to do.

I look around, observing the facility and taking in the beauty of the nature surrounding it.

That's when I feel it. His gaze on me.

And while I know I shouldn't, I look.

Ice-blue eyes meet mine and my chest twinges, a strange feeling coursing through me.

My heart is thudding hard at the sight of him, my palms sweaty.

Stupid mate bond.

I can't stand the way he's looking at me but I don't break eye-contact.

It's like he's trying to communicate something, an anguished look in his eyes.

And that's when I know what it means.

'Forgive me. Talk to me'.

I can see it all written out on his face and I curse it because a small part of me says to give him what he wants.

But I know better.

I have to stand firm, stick to what I usually do and listen to my head instead of my heart.

I turn away, heading back inside to wait the remainder of the school day in there before those eyes of his get the best of me.

[1-800-ye0sangspr1ncess]

When you buy them an expensive gift - Enhypen [OT7}

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol (Heeseung), mild use of language, other than that... None! <3 Summary: You're their bestie so you spoil them for their birthdays

(I'm so sorry in advance for the number of times the style changes, it's honestly so....)

Heeseung:

- "OH MY FUCKING-"

- has no idea how to react at first

- his eyes would pop out of his head as he scans over the price tag

- "what? is there something wrong? IS IT EXPIRED?!!"

- he pauses to give you this sort of "did you really just ask that?" sort of look

- you take a glance at the bottle and realize you forgot to remove the price *mental facepalm*

- he reads over the description on the back of the extremely pricey bottle (you know how they're like "made with the finest grapes in the valley and aged to perfection" yeah that)

- "um wow, you know you didn't have to spend this much right?"

- "like literally any... and I mean ANY bottle of wine would do!"

- "fine you ungrateful bitch, I'll just take it back"

- LMFAO, the way he would snatch the bottle back from you

- "NO! What I meant to say was: Thank you! I really appreciate it! the best gift ever!"

- definitely oversells it because at first, you think it's genuine but you realize it's just to keep you from getting mad or taking his happy drink away (ToT)

- pours you a glass but you aren't sure if it's as a thank you/ apology

Jay

- let's be honest we all know jay is the wealthiest in en- so expensive gifts really aren't new to him

- "damn, I guess it does help to have rich friends"

- you aren't sure if it was a compliment or a hint at being used :(

- he sees your smile falter and just like that BOOM he's apologizing like there's no freaking tomorrow

- "WAIT?! no that's not what I meant. I really love this gift. I meant to say that I really love and appreciate the fact that I have friends who truly know me and what I like. You know how many other people bought me the same cringe ass mug with "I love waking up to the smell of MONEY in the morning" written on it? wtf is that even supposed to mean?!"

- you chuckled as you listened to his rampage

- you see his eyes glimmer and fill with joy as he reads the card gives the present another look before putting it down and smiling at you

- "Thank you again, I really love it and thanks for being my friend I don't know many people who stick around other than for free handouts but I really appreciate you." he says to you with a cheery, heartfelt smile

- "You're welcome Jeongseong and happy birthday..." you say softly as you reach over to hug him

- "wanna find a nearby cafe and make these hella fancy friendship bracelets?"

- "Dude this is literally YOUR birthday party, you can't just leave!"

- "Watch me!" he chuckles, dashing out the bedroom door, down the stairs, through the crowd of people and out the front door.

- "WAIT UP!!!"

Jake

S- I feel like jake is a simple guy who would literally be grateful even if you just got him a happy birthday card :(((

- with this info in mind you took it as an opportunity to really go all out... well maybe not all out but enough to make jake ecstatic

- and what better way to do that than to pamper the love of his life

- LAYLA!!!!!

- since the weather starts getting chillier around the time of his birthday, you decide to book them an appointment at one of your parents' clients spa.

- Knowing you, you spared no expense and demanded (with the help of some loose hundreds) they be treated as VIPs during their time there

- "Thank you for this y/n, I really appreciate this!" Jake whispers over to you with a smile brightly plastered over his face

- "Hey, no problem. that's what friends are for" you whisper back as you were waiting in the lobby of the spa with him.

- his smile quietly faded but you were quick to notice

- "what's wrong?"

- "No it's nothing. It's really stupid anyways..."

- "Jake?!"

- He sighs in defeat "I wish I could take Layla with me but I don't think they allow-"

- His words were cut off by the sound of you clapping your hands twice and within seconds a lady was running to your attention.

- "You called, mx?"

- "Yes, Mr Shim would like to get a shared service with his companion please."

- "Right away, MX."

- Jakes jaw was on the ground at how fast that interaction happened and how simply it happened at that

- "You really didn't have to do that," a slightly embarrassed blush creeping on his face

- "won't it be a lot of work for her to change the service info and everything?"

- "Jake it's her job and it's not like I was rude or anything and besides I'm paying her extra so..."

- A partially relieved yet still nervous breath escaped his lips.

- "Mr and Ms Sim?" two masseuses appeared next to Jake's seat, which caught him off guard as he jumped a bit at the mention of his name

- "Right this way, please." The one said as the other gently led Layla through to the room

- "Have fun, you two!"

- "We will!" Jake exclaimed turning back with one last smile

Sunghoon:

- "No way. No Way. NO FUCKING WAY"

- "Yes way, Yes Way, YES FUCKING WAY"

- you're sitting next to him on the kitchen island

- you got him new skates and blades

- "Do you know these are like, every amateur skater's dream blades?! These are worn by fucking Olympic gold medalist skaters"

- giggling at how in awe he was of his gift

- "hold the fuck up, you don't know ANYTHING about skating. Where on God's green earth did you get John Wilson Blades?!! AND THEY'RE HELLA EXPENSIVE..."

- he goes into a state of absolute panic

- "Did you rob a bank?"

- "Did you blackmail your grandparents?"

- "Should I be calling the cops or hiding from them?"

- "There's no way in hell, I'm going to jail for your crimes on my birthday. That's beyond fucked up."

- you rolled your eyes while listening to his commentary on how you could possibly afford them

- Over the moon

- Doesn't stop hugging you

- you have to tap his shoulder pretty hard for him to let go as you were struggling to breathe

- "Oh," he exclaimed, embarrassment making itself known through his tone

- "Sorry about that..." he says scratching the back of his head

- *coughs* "no really it's-" *coughs* "- fine."

- he winces at each cough

- "Are you ok? Do you want some water?'

- "No, I'm fine. I promise."

- 5 minutes after your little choking episode, he offers you a free lesson on the ice as an apology

- "Okay, to move you need to direct your legs like this. Left. Right. Then left and right." (chile- I thought of 17)

- "That's it. You're doing great!" smiling widely

- for a few seconds you feel confident but as your confidence levels rise, your stability levels drop and you fall to the cold ground.

- Sunghoon can't help but laugh at you

- "Here." he stretches out his arm but you're quick to swat it away

- "You just laughed at me and now you wanna help? You're such a pain."

- He leans back as he dies of laughter from just thinking about your fall.

- "You're lucky it's your birthday, otherwise I would have beat the crap outta you..."

Sunoo

- you and your bestie Sunoo have been dreaming of driving matching vehicles since forever. With that, truly speaking, being last month.

- So you both decided on a drunken (-dazed) whim that you'd start studying towards getting your drivers licence.

- Didn't go too well on your end, after all, it's not your fault your vision is anything but 20/20.

- But in all fairness, you couldn't help but be happy for your friend when he aced his test and walked out with a freshly laminated card with his credentials in a block like font.

- "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! YOU GOT IT! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!" you screamed at the top of your lungs

- "OMG OMG OMG THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING. OK WOW!"

- "Wait does this mean I can't ask Jake for rides anymore? I was kinda getting used to having a chauffeur..." Sunoo pouted at the thought

- "Whine all you want but maybe me failing isn't such a bad thing. Now I have you to drive me around."

- the look on his face when you say this. He legit has "And I remember thinking... I'm about to beat this bitch up." written all over his face

- his icy glare makes you regret your statement in an instant.

- "I was just messing with you noo..." you tease

- "Ewww don't call me that. I'm not like, 5 or whatever." He laughs his ass off at the nickname

- The week after getting his driver's licence was Sunoo's birthday and what kind of best friend would you be if you didn't take it into your own hands to throw him the best party of his life?

- REDS, PURPLE AND BLUES the LEDs flashed those three colours

- BALLOONS AND PARTY STREAMERS GALORE

- MUSIC BLASTING THROUGH THE SPEAKERS SO LOUDLY THE WINDOWS WERE SHAKING

- You got really lucky that your mom allowed you to host a party at your house

- You'd gone all out and hadn't cut corners for a single thing.

- Well done y/n, you've outdone yourself on this one. *pats self on shoulder*

- "Thank you for this party. It's really amazing. I must say that you've done better than I ever could." Sunoo states eyes still roaming around the room to truly admire the decorations and the beautiful star decor hanging from the extremely high ceiling.

- he really thought that was it? chile-

- "I have one more thing, come on." you grab his hand and run through the ton of people dancing the night away

- "Oh My AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Sunoo squeals have a few of the guests turning heads to see what the commotion was about

- "Surprise!" you say, your jazzy hands revealing the beautiful, Midnight Blue coloured car to your best friend.

- claps heard from all around the rooms (Is it a rich people thing to clap for expensive gifts? I don't know...)

_ "I hope you like it. I picked out that model you had your eye on when we were looking through the catalogue so I-" you were cut off with Sunoo hugging the hell out of you

- you can see tears forming that's when you know you've done well.

- "Can I have the keys please?" he asks unable to keep still

- "With pleasure, my good sir." you bow to him like he's some sort of king.

- "Oh my god! It has a sunroof and black rims??!!, I'm gonna die!" he squeals

- as you lean against the car door, you smile to yourself seeing how happy he is... that happiness is very short-lived

- 'Eww Y/N! GET YOUR GRUBBY SELF OFF MY CAR!"

- you know this emoji -> 😦... yeah that's your face rn

- "bitch I'll take this back faster than you can say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"

Jungwon

- Jungwon and you had been friends since before you could count

- No, seriously. You both met when you were in preschool. You literally learnt how to count together

- Sure there was sometimes bickering between the two of you over who could spell the longest words or run the fastest but it was all healthy competition

- you two were inseparable

- so you could imagine the pain he must've felt when you told him you were moving countries for better business opportunities for your parents

- when you told him, it was storming outside. you could barely hear each other despite being indoors, with all the doors and windows shut

- "My parents said we'll move back in 4 years." you stated sadly, trying to cheer him up after you broke the news to him

- "That's so far from now. what if you forget about me?!" he shouted, competing with the loud thunder outside. You saw tears fall from his eyes as he looked out the window you both were seated by. Your heart dropped to see how much this hurt him and as if on queue, a lighting bolt stuck outside as you too, started to cry.

- a friendship of 13 long years but when it comes to the test of time how would that measure up to the 3 years you'd be without each other

- he had seen in the movies how it goes down. when people had ay sort of relationship long-distance and it didn't end well

- but not all hope was lost and you both were lucky enough to still have similar school schedules + your time wasn't much of an issue as you weren't in a different timezone

- you both got pretty lonely but it was a good opportunity for either of you to get out of your comfort zone to make more friends and it didn't help that you were both introverts

- You especially struggled the most with the language and culture shock you were greeted with during your first few months there

- your friendship with Jung-won to each of your surprises was perfectly fine

- on weekends you would video call each other and talk about all sorts of things

- "Riki was literally dragging Sunoo around the floor in the hall." he was telling you a story from earlier in the week with his new-made friends

- "Luckily the teachers weren't there so we didn't get scolded but Sunghoon, being the goody-two-shoes Prefect he was, snitched. So we ended up having to stay after school for detention."

- You both died laughing with a snort even escaping on your end of the call

- "That sounds hilarious, wish I was there. Things don't get as interesting but I guess because these private schools are all so Prim and Proper, IT'S AS IF IT'S A CRIME TO HAVE FUN!" you exclaim

- "sounds like hell" he snickered

- "yeah... but on a lighter note. It's a special somebody's birthday in two days!" clapping your hands happily. "Yeah, I forgot about that. Birthdays haven't really been much of a big deal since you left," he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly

-the was a silent pause before he dared to speak, "Remember how we use to have shared birthday parties?!" his eyes instantly light up as he recalls those memories

- "It was so much fun like when we had a neverland theme party and you were Peter Pan and I was Captain Hook?"

- "Yeah, you wouldn't let me be Captain Hook so I had to be the next best thing..." he said rolling his eyes at you playfully

- "I have an early gift for you though and it should be arriving, right about.... now."

- The second you finish your sentence he hears the doorbell ring

- his neck turns towards his room door instantly

- "What the hell are you up to y/n?" he giggles

- "Just go answer the door. CHECK THE PEEPHOLE FIRST THOUGH!" you hope he heard the last part as he was already running through the door by the time you said that.

- a few minutes pass by and he returns with a box in hand

- "Happy Early Birthday!"

- "Wait should I open these now or on my actual birthday?" he asked in a tone that failed to hide how desperate he was for you to give him permission to open the gifts there and then.

- "I say wait. It'll totally be worth it." you tease him

- Two days pass and the first thing Jungwon does when he wakes up is read the birthday card from you

- "happy birthday JW, love you lots and see you really soon. ;)"

- the wink confused him but also wondered what you could mean by "soon"

- he genuinely would be so lost in overthinking even while his parents sing him happy birthday, he's half distant still thinking of all the possible explanations for 'soon ;)"

- *DING DONG BITCH*

- guess who's at the door? yeah it's you

- TEARS LEFT RIGHT AND CENTER

- after your little reunion moment he brings the box from his room and he opens it faster than you can blink

- this boy is screaming like he just saw a roach or something

- "OH MY GOSH SUPER MARIO BUNDLE COLLECTORS EDITION??!!!!!" (I'm so sorry to people who actually play Super Mario games, I'm not a gamer but pretend this gift is a huge deal)

- "Thank you y/n and welcome home!" he squeals while hugging you tightly

Ni-ki:

- when it comes to young boys you don't have to go the extra mile for them.

- literally, everything amazes them

- but this boy was special to you so you had to go the extra mile... at least what would be considered the extra mile in boy universe

- shopping sprees aren't ideal for everybody but you can find common ground if it's for food

- your grandma runs a convenience store with more snacks than you can name

- sometimes you wonder if your grandma even remembers who her real grandchild is whenever you visit the store with Riki

- "If it isn't my favourite non-biological grandchild with one of my grandchildren"

- "geez, you even got the favourite adjective and I just got a grandchild..."

- "don't be jealous your gran loves me just as much as she loves you."

- "No fighting you two. Riki, come along. I need help reordering the snacks. Kids these days think they can just mess up the order of and that they'll just magically get rearranged?!" she angrily mumbled to herself

- "but it's my birthday" he whined

- "If you help me, I'll add on to the birthday money I was going to give you"

- "OK LET'S GET STARTED!"

- "You're a good child Riki"

- he hummed happily in response

- while your grandma was distracting Riki, you got behind the counter and pulled out a small box you asked your grandma to take care of for you.

- it was a box of assorted snacks from Japan, there weren't many available in your region.

- Not even your grandma had these.

- You had saved up money to order these and your gran helped pay for shipping, which came up to quite a hefty price

- but it was worth it when you saw the massive smile on your friends face

- "Happy Birthday and here," you said handing the snack filled box with bright wrapping to him

- "I know how much you missed Japan so I thought to get you some of these. I always hear you talk about snacks back home and-"

- your words were cut short as he wrapped you in a tight embrace

- "Thank you." you could tell he was crying because his voice sounded choked up

- "You're welcome Riki." you said gently squeezing his hand to assure him that it was no trouble at all

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S1:E5; Chapter Five, The Flea and The Acrobat - [Pt. 2]

A Will Byers x Male!Reader Series

𝘏𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘣 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘴 𝘔𝘳. 𝘊𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯.

|| 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕 ||

"Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you."

'I can't believe I'm at Will's funeral.'

"Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." The pastor continued.

I spared a glance at the people around me.

I looked to Jonathan, his head bowed, and poor Joyce who was sitting nearby.

I can't imagine what they must be going through.

Joyce was like a second mother to me, and she has always treated as if I was one of her own. I'll always be grateful for that. I lay a hand on her shoulder.

She looks up to me confused like I had pulled her deep out of her thought, upon seeing it was me she smiles thankfully. She put her hand over mine and gave it a few gentle pats and then a small stroke with her thumb to say thank you.

I smiled solemnly at her and let go, listening to the rest of the service.

"It's times like these that our faith is challenged. How, if he is truly benevolent... could God take us from someone so young, so innocent?"

I looked down at my feet.

"It would be easy to turn away from God... but we must remember that nothing, not even tragedy, can separate us from His love."

I felt a nudge on my shoulder and turned to look at Dustin. He wore a sly smirk as he looked to his right, past me and Mike.

Frowning in confusion, I turned my head to see what he was smirking about.

"Just wait till we tell Will that Jennifer Hayes was crying at his funeral." Dustin said cheekily.

I scoffed under my breath, rolling my eyes.

"Since when has she cared about Will? She couldn't even get his name right, remember that week she called him Bill?" I huffed, crossing my arms in distaste.

The boys smirked at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Somebody jealous?" Lucas smirked.

"No-! Not ev- Shut up!" I scowl.

The boys giggle earning more than a few concerned and offended glances making me smile to myself. Mrs. Wheeler leaned down and shushed the boys making me smirk more.

'Serves them right.'

Soon enough, the casket had been lowered into the growd and roses had been thrown on top. I made my way to the very side of the grave, looking down.

"I know you're not dead. But I swear to God, if you don't come back I'm gonna kill you." I muttered to the casket in the ground.

As people began to filter out, we watched as Mike's mom said her condolences to Will's parents.

"I'm so, so sorry."

"Oh, thank you so much for coming." Will's dad said.

I never liked him.

Joyce was just standing by herself quietly, her arms crossed looking down at the grave.

"Yeah, if there's anything we can do..." Mr. Wheeler offered, shaking the man's hand.

"I appreciate it. Thank you so much."

I said goodbye to Lucas who had to follow his parents out, even though we would be seeing him later at the wake. I did the same with Mike, and soon enough Mom was waiting for us so we could get to the car.

"Mom, will you give me a minute?"

"Of course, Pumpkin," She smiled at me with sympathy.

I turned around wove through the crowd that had separated me from Joyce. I tapped her on the shoulder, seeming to jostle her from her thoughts a second time.

Upon seeing it was me, she smiled.

"Hi, Ms. Byers."

"Oh, hi Y/n. Thank you, for coming, sweetheart," She smiled.

I captured her in a bear hug and she gladly reciprocated, giving my several comforting strokes.

"Of course. I'm so, so sorry for your loss." I said, letting her go.

"Oh, thank you, honey. T-Tell me, how have you been holding up?" She asked gently.

My eyes welled up.

"I'm not gonna lie, it's- it's been really hard. I just, I just miss him so much. Your son was such a good person. Always a gentleman." I knew what I was saying.

Even if he is alive for sure, everything I said was true. He always has been nothing but kind to me.

Not to mention, I owe him for so much.

She seemed extremely thankful for hearing that and I was glad I could make her genuinely smile on this sad day.

"Really? Oh sweetie, thank you. That means, just so much to me."

I look back to my mom and brother waiting for me by the car, and I return my gaze back to Ms. Byers.

"Um, I better go. My mom is waiting for me. I guess I'll be seeing you at the wake. Goodbye, Ms. Byers."

"Thank you again, Y/n. I'll see you later, okay?" Her face slightly fell and she smiled at me.

I nod and begin walking backward sending a small wave her way before turning around a breaking out into a small jog to catch up to my mom.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

Being at the funeral of your best friend is daunting and quite surreal.

Being at the funeral of your best friend who is quite possibly alive in another dimension and you and only four other people know this is a completely different ballpark.

We had all met up at the wake and regrouped.

The plan was to ask Mr. Clarke if there was anything he could tell us about the theories regarding alternate dimensions. I'm just praying that we don't arouse suspicion given the setting.

"Mr. Clarke?" The tall man turned his attention away from the buffet to look at us.

Mr. Clarke smiled sympathetically. "Oh, hey, there."

The somber look came easily to my face as I looked to Mr. Clarke, Mike, and Lucas on either side of me while Dustin was digging into the buffet.

"How are you kids holding up?"

Lucas speaks up for us, slightly distracted by Dustin's blatant chewing. "We're... in... mourning."

"Man, these aren't real Nilla Wafers," Dustin sighed, shaking his head.

My eyes widen softly, and I look to Mr. Clarke trying to cover for him.

"You'll have to excuse my brother, Mr. Clarke, he's-" I stop midsentence to see him happily munching on more snacks, and look back to Mr. Clarke. "well, he mourns in his own... special way."

"We were wondering if you had time to talk?" Mike asked, wanting to move things along as quickly as possible.

"We have some questions," Lucas added.

I shook my head in agreement. "A lot of questions, actually,"

Mr. Clarke complied and the four of us found ourselves at the nearest table, asking our teacher about other dimensions at our "dead" friends' wake. Not something I ever could have imagined doing.

"So, you know how in Cosmos, Carl Segan talks about other dimensions? Like, beyond our world?"

"Yeah, sure. Theoretically." Mr. Clarke replies, noticeably confused at the subject of our questions.

"Right, theoretically,"

"So, theoretically, how do we travel there?" Lucas asked.

"You guys have been thinking about Hugh Everett's Many-World's Interpretation, haven't you?" A ghost of a smile on our teacher's face.

"Yeah," I chuckled, nodding my head in response.

The boys looked at me, wondering why I had said that.

I gave them a look that said, 'I don't know, just go with it.'

"Well, basically, there are parallel universes. Just like our world, but just infinite variations of it. Which means there's a world out there where none of this tragic stuff ever happened," I found myself nodding along, not for the sake of being believable, but actually lost in the idea.

"Yeah, that's not what we're talking about," Lucas sighed, leaning back.

"Oh."

"We were thinking of more of an evil dimension, like the Vale of Shadows. You know the Vale of Shadows?" Dustin asked, taking another loud bite of his off brand Nilla Wafers.

Not thinking that our science teacher would know anything about Dungeons and Dragons, I was completely taken aback by his next words.

"An echo of the Material Plane, where necrotic and shadow magic–"

"Yeah, exactly." Mike said cutting him off.

I shift uncomfortably in my seat.

"If that did exist - a place like the Vale of Shadows - how would we travel there?"

"Theoretically, of course." I add.

"Well..."

Mr. Clarke grabbed an empty paper plate and pulled out a pen from his jacket pocket. He then drew a straight line across the paper plate as he spoke, creating a visual for us.

"Picture... an acrobat..." He drew a small stick figure on top of the lines. "standing on a tightrope. Now, the tightrope is our dimension. And our dimension has rules."

He began drawing arrows on either side of the acrobat.

"You can move forwards, or backwards. But, what if..." He drew a very small creature under one of the arrows. "right next to our acrobat, there is a flea? Now, the flea can also travel back and forth, just like the acrobat. Right?"

"Right." We all agreed.

"Here's where things get really interesting. The flea can also travel this way... along the side of the rope." He drew arrows indicating the flea's direction around and under the rope, causing me to furrow my brows. "He can even go underneath the rope."

The boys and I all shared the same look before returning our gaze to Mr. Clarke. "Upside Down."

"Exactly."

Mike spoke up. "But we're not the flea, we're the acrobat."

"In this metaphor, yes, we're the acrobat."

"So we can't go upside down?" Lucas asked warily.

"No."

"Well, is there any way for the acrobat to get to the Upside Down?"

"Well," Our teacher furrowed his brows, a thoughtful look coming upon his face. "you'd have to create a massive amount of energy. More than humans are currently capable of creating, mind you, to open up some kind of tear in time and space, and then..."

He folded the paper plate in half, creasing it shut before shoving his pen directly through both sides of the paper plate. "you create a doorway."

"Like a gate?" My brother asked eagerly.

"Sure. Like a gate. But again, this is all–"

"Theoretical." I smile, nodding my head.

"But... but what if this gate already existed?" Mike asked, timidly.

"Well, if it did, I... I think we'd know. It would disrupt gravity, the magnetic field, our environment. Heck, it might even swallow us up whole."

Mike seems to gauge our reactions, and I'm the only one who met his eye with an equally uncertain gaze.

"Science is neat." Mr. Clarke continued. "But I'm afraid it's not very forgiving."

We all lean back, digesting the information.

[17caratssi]

Wonwoo! Will you stay

Jeon Wonwoo! A short series pt one | two | three | four After the rejection, Wonwoo finds your persistence cumbersome. Surprisingly, the quarrel results in you getting new friends.

Our current parents are not the ones who really had you. In actuality, you were adopted to a loving couple that has had no child for 7 years. Your biological parents were too poor to raise another child, and they chose to put you into adoption when you were only 5 months.

When the couples saw you in the centre, they immediately fell in love with you and agreed to take you as their child. You had your name registered under your father's last name and basically became the daughter of their family.

It was illegal at that time, but your parents were desperate to have a child.

It didn't shock you the first time you were disclosed to this information. You don't look like your mother or father, and the brats at school keep suggesting that you're adopted. Your parents then decided to tell you despite your young age.

"You are our daughter. No matter what others say, we love you with our full hearts. Don't forget that, darling," was what your mother told you 12 years ago.

You know they are the best family you could ever have, and they always do. Occasionally, you would thank them. Your mother was never fond of you thanking them, and your dad doesn't have the heart to scold you for the same reason.

He hates it too, but you want them to know that you're very grateful to them.

Your father turns to look at you and stroke your head tenderly. "Where can I find the best daughter like this in this world?"

"You can't anymore. The world only has one best daughter, and that's me~."

"You're super right!" he pinches your nose playfully and has you giggle. "Let's go home. Mommy said she has something for you,"

The next day, you walk to your seat and sit quietly. You feel quite tired from the lacking of sleep. Your friend from America called you last night, and it continued until 3 in the morning. You were too guilty to tell her that you have school in the morning and have to sleep.

In the end, you only got 3 hours of sleep before getting ready for school.

You rest your head on the table and shut your eyes. The students are not making any noises, and you quickly fall asleep.

Wonwoo comes in when you already wake up. He is pretty late as compared to others.

You greet him with a good morning and directly ask. "Your house isn't that far. Why are you late?"

Wonwoo pulls his chair and sits. He's quiet on usual, so you don't know if he's normal or moody.

"Wonwoo, what do you think they have for lunch?"

"Wonwoo, can you teach me Physics? I'm most terrible at it.."

"Wonwoo, what club are you planning to join? Let me join you, OK?"

"Wonwoo, what did you say?" you ask again. You have lost count of how many times to call his name. Wonwoo... Wonwoo... It just rolls off the tongue.

Wonwoo raises his head and faces you. He opens his thin lips and repeats his words.

"You're. So. Freaking. Annoying," he utters word by word as if tearing your heart pieces by pieces. It sends you into speechless mode.

Though he tries to speak through his teeth, some students can still hear him. The girls in front of you are flabbergasted by the vulgar word Wonwoo used.

Never have they ever assumed Wonwoo could be crude to a girl. They study your face, but you're smiling.

"I thought I made it clear yesterday that I'm not at all interested in you. I find you annoying since the first time we meet. You're just a stuck-up rich kid that has no shame," Wonwoo canes his chin with his palm and continues.

"Just look at you. Which part of you is charming? I'll tell you this. Maybe you can get the white boys to line up within a snap of a finger, but I'm not like them. I hate all the girls most when they're rich and think they're superior to others. I don't have to clarify with you which category you're in, right?"

When you and the girls think he's done, you all are wrong.

"I think I should be more clear with you-"

"Enough." the girl with shorter hair stands up and kicks his table. "You could've just rejected her nicely, but you prefer being an asshole, don't you?" she says. Her eyes are burning with rage as he stares at Wonwoo, and they only calm after her seatmate pulls her arm.

"Yeah, Somi's right. I'll talk to the teacher about this, Y/N. We'll have you swap seats with some boy," you read her nametag- Umji, and you're about to say something when Wonwoo interferes.

What he has to say is just him admitting that he agrees with Umji. "Tell everything to the classroom teacher. I can't be bothered sitting next to someone's so annoying,"

"Stop it now, will you?" Somi flares again, and Wonwoo resumes his previous business.

Umji and Somi really keep their word and tell the homeroom teacher the morning incident. The arrangement changes, and you sit with a girl in the second row.

Since then, it's quite difficult to peek at Wonwoo without being noticed.

Every day after school ends, Wonwoo flees before you catch up to him. You want to apologize to him, but the whole week has passed. In the meantime, you make friends with Somi and Umji. The depressing, lonely days become less severe with them.

During the recess, the three of you go to the field and settle on a metal bench. Somi's boyfriend is a basketball player, so she always watches over him at the basketball court.

"Why are your face so red, Y/N?" Umji cups your cheeks and jiggles them. "Are you sick?"

You shake your head from side to side and breathes out loudly. You've been holding to ask them about Wonwoo, and now's the time!

"I want to ask something, but don't get mad. How's Wonwoo's doing?" you literally rap.

"Slow down, Y/N! I don't get you-" Umji holds your shoulder and soothes your nervous heart, but Somi is quick-witted. She reiterates to Umji and then glances at you.

"What's so nice about that a-hole? You still think about him?"

Umji doesn't deny that, but she's curious about Wonwoo. "I don't know. Is it me, or Wonwoo appears to be quieter after you change seat,"

"It's good, though. I hate it when he opens his filthy mouth. I can't forget what he said to Y/N!" you keep silent when Somi makes a comment.

"Maybe he cares about me after all?" you say, unabashed.

Somi frowns and leans forward. "Have you lost your mind, Y/N?"

You shake your head rapidly. "To be honest, I don't feel angry at him for saying that to me. I was wrong in the first place, so he has all the right to snap at me," you sip the grape juice.

Somi and Umji are in disbelief, and it entertains you.

"I don't know if this is true love or you're too naive,"

Umji chooses, "True love, it is," which sounds extremely unpleasant to Somi. She turns away and fakes a gag. "Blergh! Don't you dare encourage her, Umji,"

"Let's go to class," Somi says after regaining her composure. You've been straining the urge to pee since the break started; therefore, you excuse yourself to the toilet, and the two go back to the class without you. On the way, you accidentally bump into your seatmate, Ahin, in the toilet.

She's with her friends, talking about someone.

As you enter a cubicle, you hear a familiar name being mentioned by a girl.

"Wonwoo..." following after is barely audible, "...bullied,"

.

Wonwoo packs his things up and is ready to leave. He hangs the strap on his shoulder, crossing his torso and kicks the chair. The others who are aware of his precedented action make way for him.

You see him and quickly follow after. Close.. very close, and you grab by his bag.

"You're so fast!" you pant.

"Let go,"

"No! Are you getting in or not?" Not responding to you, you pull him by force into the elevator. Good thing; there's no one else besides you two.

You don't waste a second as you make a quick X-ray on him.

"No bruise, no cuts? Are you really being bullied?" you are still gripping his hands while asking him.

Not liking the skin contact, Wonwoo twists your limbs, dominates your wrists and rebukes. "I'll not repeat it. Get your hands off me!"

"I won't do so until you tell me," You undo the action and hold his again. "Are you being bullied, or you're the bully?"

The elevator opens, and Wonwoo escapes. You're too weak to hold against him, but he was just being kind as to not hurt you.

Since you can't do that again, you just chase after him a bit before jumping on his back. You adjust his bag and cling tightly to his neck.

"What are you doing? People are watching-"

"You don't like the attention, right? You might as well answer me!'

Wonwoo stops in his track. It's dangerous to move since you're not stable.

He exhales.

"The latter. Satisfied?"

"You're the bully?" you stretch your head to look at him. You did not expect that answer from him and squeal nonetheless.

"Thank god! I thought you're being bullied 'cuz if that's the case, I don't know what I'd do,"

What was that?.. Wonwoo wonders how could someone be happy when they're just met with a bully.

"Aren't you a fool?" he struggles to stand straight as you shift your weight to the side. "Get down now,"

"Oh," You climb down and instantly admire him again. "You're so cool!" with your clapping hands, you quick to remind him. "Don't let anyone bully you, alright?"

"My dad's here. Bye, Wonwoo!"

Wonwoo can't read you. He looks up to the sky and ponders. "Why would I listen to just anyone..."

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Sorry for the short chapter. The next ones are much longer, at least to me lol (¯▿¯)

If you like this story, you might as well check out the others here !

[world-of-horrors-au]

Heyyy, so I'm new to this AU but I saw your post about power generation world building and it triggered my prepping hyperfixation.

SO

I present for your consideration:

Hand-Crank Powered Things

Exhibit A, the hand crank powered torch

These things are pretty simple, you just crank it for however long it takes to charge the torch, press the button, and let there be light.

They work based on a chargeable battery that you power up by cranking, which typically turns lil plasticky gears, which turn the generator, which converts kinetic energy into electrical energy - that gets stored in the battery, and then as with a normal torch the electricity flows through wires to the LEDs and boom light.

Great thing about them is they're relatively common. I used to have a massive one that I used for reading under the covers, which was very counter productive because it was 1. loud to charge up and 2. glowed bright as the divine light of god himself. I could see, my parents could see, half the street could have read by that light at 1am let me tell you.

BUT I'M NOT DONE

BEHOLD:

The Lomokino 35 hand-cranked movie camera.

Yeah.

I'm genuinely surprised these exist, but they're for real! They're a film camera that goes for like $80, and there are other similar ones of these hanging around places too. They're NOT common, but I figure there's a decent chance one could be stolen from a prepper or an eco conscious filmmaker!

WHAT ELSE CAN BE HAND CRANKED YOU SAY?

Well you didn't, I'm typing this into my phone, but I'll answer the question anyway.

How about a hand-crank juicer?

Juice a lemon! DON'T GET SCURVY!

Antique Singer sewing machine? Hand crank!

These things are old (bad) but they're also vintage (good).

Lemme explain.

Bad because there aren't a tonne left, but good because they were built to last and people take care of them! Lots of seamstresses have these as almost a status symbol, and all of them look after them like they're human infants. It's not the worst companion - they're noisy, finicky, but especially hardy.

There are also new hand crank sewing machines, but eh, I'd say the smart money's going towards a Singer. Smart money, and a lotta money.

Next - would you like a 4-in-1 power bank, radio, flashlight that can also warn you about extreme weather conditions?

No?

TOO BAD

Walmart will inflict this franken-crank-machine on you for like $50!

Genuinely don't know what to say about this one. It's like three things too many, yet I'm definitely gonna check and see if there are some on sale in my country. Now I've seen it, I need it.

On that note, I can feel the hyperfixation waning, though I'm sure there are many other hand crank things out there for perusal. Alas, I must be onto new fixations (or if that doesn't work, onto my bed).

If only I could hand crank my mental energy.

Lemme know if this was useful :)

Holy shit. Holy shit this is just what I needed holy shit. I've been looking over prepping and homesteading sites these past few days doing research for this au and this helps so much. Thank you and please dump any other ideas or knowledge you have onto me if you want to share them, I'd be super grateful

[tarotnoob]

Hi! so for the feedback...

OKAY THE READING WAS SOOOOOOOOO DETAILED I CANT EVEN-

You picked up on my energy a lot (even the country 😳) and my mothers and father energy which is extremely hard to do since I'm very private bout my family.I also like how you included the cards picture as it gives us a way to interpret them too. For the doctor part, yes I am ultimately planning to become a doctor, I haven't finalized it yet but yeah it is in the picture for now.

So that picture you got might be of my father, he's a heart doctor too and his parents and grandparents raised him as the 'dear' child of the family.

for the other cards most of them described me 😂 even thought it wasn't my future spouse it gave me insight to what was happening to me and I'm really grateful for that.

People say I give cancer and sag energy all the time and I'm a pisces HAHA

and hold up that description was me I wear glasses LMAO but my eyes are dark so he may have that HEHE

Most of those numbers are important to me in different ways.

The emphasis on the shoulders because I have big shoulders 😭HAHA

I have been told my future spouse is logical and 'hot' 😂

And the last paragraph was so cuteee 💞 Ive been told my future spouse has physical touch as their love language so that's true! My love language is annoying people 💀

Thank you for the reading! I enjoyed it a lot!

I'm sorry if the feedback was short :(

i don't know what the heck it is about spouse readings. it's either me or in general it's too hard a question to ask of the cards. i really dunno but it's why i preface with WELLLLLLL THIS IS PROBABLY JUST GONNA BE A READING ABOUT YOU.

but the specific stuff is REALLY CREEPY especially if you end up following in your dad's footsteps. now i wish i woulda paid attention to those cards that fell out for the 10 of swords bc i wondered if the king of wands and queen of cups were (the spouse's parents) but they were probably just yours. i remember those two, an ace of pentacles, five of wands, two of pentacles but this could be about the conversations you have with parents regarding your schooling and how eventually that stage will end once the decision becomes clear.

i really felt indian i dunno why probably bc i was literally seeing an indian spouse lol. i mean i could draw them.

i find them good looking. i mean i said hot but i think i mean cute but you know how people are cute in a hoodie and then like when they dress up they're like hot or like when you finally get to see their toned arms. i just saw them in casual clothes mostly or like khakis and a collared short sleeve shirt so like casual to preppy style.

but the heart surgeon thing is super creepy and super prominent bc everything was about putting hearts back together - or bones and i saw the swords as like pins which reminds me of the shoulder surgery i mentioned... anyway it doesn't matter. maybe you'll meet them in (med school?)

ahahahahaha we have the same love language i think... i'm not a touchy feely person myself so it's interesting when others are like they lightly touch your arm when they talk to you. some people aren't into that but this person is so i hope you don't mind it

i'm glad you got something out of it. i always think it's so strange and weird when the very specific things turn out to make sense. it creeps me out lol and yes i definitely like to show the pics since other people who can read the cards could interpret it and make it make sense.

thanks for leaving feedback, it was fun!!

[spooniemumoftwo]

People Therapy

We naturally find ourselves drawn to people with certain personalities. People say opposites attract, and I do think that's true ... my husband and I are opposites in so many ways, but in others we match completely. I am very lucky to be surrounded by an amazing family and some of the most supportive and best friends ever, and wouldn't be without any of them.

Family is Everything

My sister and I grew up watching our Mum live life daily with ME, and witnessed first hand, through a child’s eyes, the impact this incredibly debilitating illness has on the person suffering with it, as well as on their family and friends. We sat with our Mum as she took time off work, we experienced her own frustrations when she was not able to do things she wanted to do, and we also watched her fight and push through flares of her symptoms, putting us first, before her own needs. We witnessed, and now understand more, our Dad's emotions regarding this illness. The frustration, and sadness; the hope that things would improve, and his determination to support his wife and us, his children. I thought I understood to some extent, what Mum was telling us about how she felt, but I didn’t. It’s only now, whilst experiencing the same symptoms and annoyances myself, that I can fully identify with how my Mum has felt for over thirty years. I have come to realise that ME CFS is something you can’t fully understand or describe to someone unless you have the experience of this debilitating illness yourself.

My mum has been unwell with this horrible invisible illness since I was a very small child, and yet my sister and I were always her priority. We knew that, and yet, it still wasn't possible for us not to notice what was happening. We were there when Mum had to take time off work, we watched her carry out jobs and errands despite not feeling well. We were there when she felt better, and we were there through the harder days she experienced.

My Mum and Dad have supported me in a way only a parent can. They've been there through hard times, to listen, advise and support, and through the good times too. They've helped with my children when I've needed support, and they've shown me strategies to use myself on this journey they've travelled before me. I cannot express how grateful I am for their endless love and support.

My sister has been a rock. My confidant, and my friend. She's often been the first person to know when things are hard, and most likely when things are good too. She has been there with me through thick and thin. As the saying goes, my sister and I are definitely 'Sisters by chance, friends by choice!'

For better, for worse

I've been with my husband for 15 years, married for 10. I'm not sure which one of us deserves the medal more. We have two beautiful children, who keep us busy daily. Life isn't always easy or straight forward, but we are happy!

My husband is journeying along the learning curve of ME CFS with me and I think we are reaching some mutual understanding of what's going on. I have very fond memories of a teacher who often referred (and still refers) to our learning of music in choir as a vertical learning curve, and our ME CFS journey so far definitely feels like that ... no curve, just straight up! We work together as a team to implement strategies and consider changes we could employ to make things easier for us both. His thinking has changed somewhat, as has mine, and I'm forever grateful, despite the usual marital frustrations, for his understanding and ongoing support. He didn't sign up for this when he proposed or said 'I do'!

Ten years ago, our wedding vows contained the traditional 'in sickness and in health, for better, for worse' promises to each other. We didn't make our vows naively of course, but I'm not sure either of us allowed ourselves to envisage chronic illness in our future together. Despite my awareness of my Mum's ongoing ME CFS, I'm certain that my diagnosis of the same condition was a surprise to us both.

Glitter and Dirt

Our two children are a blessing. We have a 7 year old daughter and an almost 5 year old son. Glitter and Dirt, chalk and cheese. They keep us busy beyond belief most days, but their empathy and individual personalities amaze us every day!

We've grown two little mini me's. How crazy is that!

Our son was just 18 months old when I was first unwell and our oldest was three and a half. Life was pretty full on. But, with help from family and friends, and a great deal of stubbornness on my part, we pushed on. I wasn't able to let go and put me first ... I had two little people in tow!

Like my Mum, all those years ago, I know that our little people are, and always will be my priority. The days we've had picnics in bed (sorry Mum, I know you'll hate that!), and story time all day; the days we've watched too many films, and the days we've managed long walks in the sunny countryside, we've made memories and still had fun. These little people keep me going! They exhaust me, I'm not going to lie, but their enthusiasm for life and fun, and their contagious laughter is unending! Five o'clock in the morning may not be the best time for them to showcase their enthusiasm for life, but that's a work in progress. It is extremely hard some days to be a mum and manage my ME CFS, but I can't imagine things being any other way. My children are my world ... I'd do anything for them.

The language of friendship

I am surrounded by a number of really valuable and special friends. People who understand me and what's going on; people who know me better than I know myself, and people who will willingly tell me what I need to hear rather than what I want to hear, to help me see sense and make sensible decisions.

Without my friends, some of whom have physically escorted me to medical appointments to ensure I give all the facts, and to make sure I don't say things are ‘okay’ when they aren't, things could be very different. My husband often persuades me to slow down, with a mere suggestion that if I don't listen, he will message a particular friend who has no issues with telling me off as a last resort, and, sometimes it takes that threat to help me see sense. I don't give in, ever, and my friends who know me well, will know that my stubbornness is a huge wall for me, as well as being a huge frustration for those who care about me and want to help.

Friends really are as important as family. My friends and family are my rock, each and every one of them.

A common difference

It always amazes me when I speak to people about my ME CFS and they understand. It's a very mixed feeling; relief that someone understands and can empathise, yet concern and a degree of sadness that they do understand. Through talking about my journey so far, with friends and family, I've learned that a number of my friends and extended family members also have diagnoses similar to mine. We share that unknown, that answer, and that common difference.

I have spoken with my Mum on numerous occasions about her experiences of ME CFS in comparison with my own experiences so far. It has been incredibly powerful for me to speak to people who have been or are going through the same learning and realisation as me, some of whom are in a similar time of their lives as me, others who are at a very different stage in both their lives and their journey with ME CFS. Sharing our experiences, talking about how we feel, and writing our thoughts and feelings down have been hugely therapeutic.

It's a blessing some days, to not have to go into detail, or equally to feel the need to respond neutrally with 'okay thanks' when someone asks 'how are you?' To have that shared understanding when the unspoken words are interpreted and recognised, without saying a word, not only saves valuable energy in an interaction, but it also reinforces the value of intuition and a shared experience that may be so hugely different, yet so similar to mine. Everyone's journey is different, yet there will be some aspects that are very similar.

It's not ‘what’, but ‘who’ that is important

My family and friends have been phenomenal throughout all of this, with offers of help with my children, offers of company or just a natter when things have felt tough, and a hug. I never realised before the coronavirus crisis, quite how tactile I was as a person. I've always been a 'hugger' but I never acknowledged quite how much that hug was for me as much as the person I was hugging. Just a simple embrace from family or a friend can make things feel okay some days, and it's something I've really missed over the last few months.

I saw a quote recently, source unknown, which really resonated with me. 'There are friends, there is family, and then there are friends that become family.' People really are therapy, and my family and friends have carried me through the last few years. Knowing I'm not alone; that we as a family are not alone on this journey is a massive blessing. As much as I would never wish ME CFS on anyone, knowing that people understand and care makes things so much easier.

[roquesox]

Time To Sort Myself Out

So i feel like all i've done recently is complain about how hard and tragic my life is and how i have to deal with it all by myself. . .and, honestly, i kinda wanna punch myself for it. Yeah, there's some things that aren't so great going on in my life (some temporary and some that have just been going on forever), but my life is not just an endless cycle of complete misery. I have it good. I've been complaining about the struggles of finding a job, but i got to study something i wanted to and not something i was forced into. And, on top of that, i don't have to take a random job that i hate coz i'm lucky enough to have my parents still allowing me to live under their roof. I don't *want* to be sponging off of them, but that fact that they are allowing me to stay until i find something steady is something i'm EXTREMELY grateful for. The other big thing I've been b*tching about is social interactions. Yes, the majority of people that i've let into my life have turned on me or just cut me out when i could no longer be beneficial to their lives, but the few people i have left are awesome. Just having them in my life is enough. I don't feel a void from losing other people and they keep me from going numb and cutting myself off from the world and going back to where i was in 2015. Speaking of 2015, even though that year sucked beyond belief, i would never be who i am today and i don't want to know what i'd be like if i never went through all i experienced that year. So. . .what's the point of this post? I'm just sick of complaining all the time and i wanted to talk about the more positive things in my life. The degree i've worked toward for 6 years; a roof over my head and financial support until i can make it on my own; my AMAZING friends; Luke (my Husky 🐺); Fall Out Boy 💜; YouTube. . .i have so much to be thankful for and i want to just focus on that. I don't want to forget the good things by focusing on the bad all the time. I don't want all that negativity holding me back. . .i want to move forward in life. I know things aren't gonna be all rainbows and butterflies all the time, but i want to keep my focus on the things that motivate me to keep going and not what makes me wonder why i keep trying. I feel like this post is getting gross and chick flicky so. . .i'm gonna end it like this: f^ck the world; it's my life, i'm gonna take it back. . .and carry on ♥