#i'm finally looking at all the videos they released prepare for pain

[astoundingbeyondbelief]

Ryunosuke Kamiki and Minami Hamabe prepare to break everyone's hearts during filming of Godzilla Minus One.

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC’s Lucien Reunion Date English Translation

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

This post contains a detailed spoiler for a date that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

Lucien’s 2023 CN Birthday Event (The New World)✧ Birthday Story | Birthday Prologue | Birthday Date (You're here!) | ASMR | Birthday Party

It turns out that on a day like this, I'm allowed to have both loneliness and warmth at the same time.

Translation under the cut~

Special thanks to @/ivioivioivi for helping me translate some sentences. I am really thankful that you replied to my messages even in odd hours :"D.

[T/N: I don't want to break the flow, so I'll say it now. You need to at least read Lucien's 3rd birthday date and phone call (Looking Back Date+ Saplings of Love Phone Call) first to understand half of the date. It's even better if you've read all of his birthday dates and birthday R&S/stories. YEARS worth of build-up pays off wonderfully and painfully on this date :". Some non-birthday dates that get referenced/I think are important to understand his growth are:

Standstill date (I forgot the official EN localization of this date, so here is the fan translation ver of it. The 'old game' in this Reunion Date is a reference to this date).

Wild Luxury Date (not a direct reference, but MC's idea to book a B&B for his birthday can be traced back to them going to a wild luxury hotel LOL. Because of the 'memorable things' that happened here, they've been exploring many kinds of hotels ever since then.

Tidying-up date (The date dives deep into how Lucien dealt with his pain and grief- that is, by trying to abandon them because he didn't know any better, there's no time to slow down and properly deal with it :". But because of the 'complex feeling' (that he FINALLY got to understand in Reunion Date) he's unable to do so.

Also, a casual reminder that his birthday is also his parents' death anniversary since they got into a car accident during his 7th birthday- it'll come into play on this date ;).

ANYWAY, this date is such a TREAT for ppl who have been liking him for years and watching him grow slowly.

[Subtitled Video Ver - TURN ON CC]

VERY recommended to follow along with the voice acting for a more complete experience! It's just that he never sounded this vulnerable before :"". And BGM choice is really superb hhhh. I don't expect them to use that angsty BGM from last anniv.

[Transcript Ver]

I'm looking at the phone screen with one minute left on the countdown and placing the candle into the cupcake I secretly baked in the evening.

MC: 51, 52, 53......

I silently count the time, and at the last second, I push Lucien's study door open and turn off the lights.

MC: Happy birthday to you~

MC: Happy birthday to Professor Lucien, the smartest professor in the world~

The dim candlelight gently illuminates Lucien, who is sitting at the desk. He seems stunned for a moment, but soon, a joyful smile fills his eyes.

Lucien: So, the idea of celebrating my birthday at a B&B was just part of your surprise.

MC: I can't have you guessing everything. I still need to prepare some unexpected surprises for the birthday boy.

It's rare that Lucien doesn't have to go on a business trip this year, and there are no additional work assignments at the institute.

So, I booked a B&B in advance, taking two days off together. We'll celebrate his birthday while enjoying a brief vacation.

I smile and place the cupcake on the table, brushing away the strands of hair that hang in front of his eyes.

MC: And since we're both on vacation, every second from now on is worth celebrating.

MC: So, it's now a special midnight blessing time~

Lucien: [chuckles] And what blessing are you going to give me?

He wraps his arm around my waist, allowing me to sit on his lap.

His deep pupils dive into the depths of my eyes along our pressed foreheads, and even our breaths become intimate.

MC: Hmm... Midnight blessings mark the beginning of your birthday, so I'll start by wishing you... to be yourself on this day.

His pupils briefly contract, and it seems like even his breath has slowed down a bit.

MC: Usually, we often do things we don't particularly like for various reasons.

MC: Whether it's playing a role or fulfilling responsibilities, life is often filled with many “have to's”.

MC: But the privilege of a birthday means that today, you are the most important person in the world.

MC: So, on this day, do everything you want to do and be as comfortable as you can be.

MC: That's my midnight blessing.

The candlelight light is long, silently enveloping both of us and turning this small space into the whole world.

Lucien: (whispers hoarsely) Then I'll accept it.

His warm breath touches my lips, lingering into the first long trailing note of a wish.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

After he blows out the candle and finishes the cake, I follow his wish and nestle into Lucien's embrace.

I occasionally use my gaze to trace his face. Although I don't know what he's busy with, I'm happy to spend every moment with him.

Spending it in silence is fine too.

Lucien: Several student papers that I was helping to mentor were sent over just in time. I'll finish them quickly.

MC: Take your time reading them~ This way, I'm also absorbing the essence of wisdom.

He arches his eyebrows, leans against my head, and then shifts his gaze back to the screen.

The mouse wheel sound bears witness to the continuously flipped text, and suddenly, I detect a brief moment of silence.

Lucien appears to have no reaction. His gaze is lingering and seems to have also frozen in this moment.

Did he encounter any problems?

I tilt my head and find the cursor paused beside a cited reference, flickering silently.

An obscure and minuscule string of English appears in the lower corner, with only "1996.98~99" discernible.

Lucien: MC.

MC: Lucien?

Our simultaneous saying left me momentarily stunned, and he seemed to be surprised as well. The hold around my waist tightened imperceptibly.

MC: What's wrong?

Lucien: (tenderly) Nothing, I just wanted to call your name.

Lucien: In order to give you my undivided time for the next two days, I just need a little more time.

Lucien: (softly) You go ahead and sleep.

MC: (smiles) Don't stay up too late then.

With a familiar warmth beside me, I don't say much. I simply raise my head and lightly peck his lips, only to realize that he hasn't let go of my hand.

Lucien: Just stay by my side, I'll take care of getting you back into bed with me.

—-------------------------------------------------------

When the alarm clock goes off, I sleepily roll over and discover that the other side of the bed is empty.

The hour hand has just pointed to six o'clock, and I shake off my drowsiness, getting up to search for Lucien's figure.

MC: Did he leave this early? There isn't anything urgent at the research institute, is there…

I'm contemplating whether to send him a message when the door is pushed open.

Lucien is uncharacteristically dressed formally, and I wonder how long he's been outside as he's covered in the chilly air of early autumn.

He probably doesn't expect me to wake up so early, but he just stands there indifferently.

It's as if he's stripped away all emotions and turned into a blank slate in human form.

Somehow, I don't ask him where he went. Instead, I walk over and instinctively take hold of his somewhat stiff and cold hand, placing it against my own face.

MC: Why didn't you wear a scarf? Come here quickly-

Before I can finish speaking, he envelops me in his embrace.

It's an incredibly tight embrace.

Lucien doesn't say anything, yet it's as if he's telling me something.

I simply tighten my hug, letting this silence continue.

The chill fades away as if bidding farewell, and the person in my embrace slowly opens his mouth.

Lucien: (quietly) MC, I went to do something very important.

Lucien: It feels like I'm years late, but fortunately, nothing has changed.

I can't see Lucien's face at this moment, but I can only feel his voice, soft as if not wanting to disturb a certain tranquility.

Lucien: But because of this, I seem to have some new questions.

Lucien: Can you help me with these things I haven't quite figured out yet?

He speaks vaguely, yet there's a genuine sincerity in his words.

A vague idea forms in my mind, something that I can't pin down, but I don't want to put off either.

I gently brushed his bangs with my fingers and looked at him calmly.

MC: Of course, I'm willing to help. How do you want me to help you?

This question seems to have stumped Lucien. He ponders for a while and then smiles helplessly.

Lucien: I don't know either.

MC: Well, it's wonderful. The world has left you with a special puzzle on your birthday~

Lucien that's somewhat at a loss makes me unable to suppress my laugh.

MC: It's okay. After all, growing up doesn't necessarily mean always moving forward. I'll help you find the answers.

—-------------------------------------------------------

I lead him into the living room, where the golden sunlight streams over the horizon, casting its glow upon us.

MC: But since student Lucien doesn't have a direction, I'll have to guide you in my own way, so you better cooperate with me.

Lucien: I'm more than willing, Teacher MC.

MC: Very well. First... let's start by filling our bellies!

—--------------------------------------------------------

After eating, as Lucien places the suitcase in the trunk, I suddenly recall something and retrieve the car cooler from the storage room.

Lucien: It seems that Teacher MC is indeed well-prepared.

MC: Hehe, I must protect my main course well~

And this way, you can go wherever you want.

I don't want to impose any pressure on him, so I simply think to myself and smoothly take the driver's seat.

MC: Today, let me be the escort for the birthday star.

Lucien: What if I also wish for MC to enjoy herself?

MC: You can't use the blessings I gave you against me!

I laugh and pinch his nose. Before starting the car, I come up with a great idea.

MC: Let's play an old game.

Lucien: Aren't we supposed to go to the B&B you booked?

MC: We have plenty of time, so we can have some fun before heading to our destination.

MC: No need to rush, taking it slow is also good. It's also the birthday star's privilege.

Lucien: [chuckle] I can't help but want to be this willful birthday star every day now.

MC: In that case, I'm fully on board!

I grip the steering wheel with both hands, waiting for his response.

MC: So, what's the number in your mind?

Lucien: How about... 389?

MC: Got it!

I enter the number into the map app and, without any reservations, start the car towards the unfamiliar location 18 kilometers away.

I don't drive too fast along the way. Rather than rushing to the destination, it's more about enjoying the scenery along the route. I ask him for the next random number when we encounter red lights.

MC: When did they start repairing the bridge here?

Lucien: It seems they started construction last year, and judging by the progress, it should be completed within the next six months.

Lucien: I hadn't noticed that park over there before.

MC: I remember that this place used to be a lake?

Lucien: Mm, they probably redesigned the walkway, and it seems like cars aren't allowed in anymore.

With Lucien's various choices, we leisurely travel the road, watching this extremely familiar city give birth to new branches in unfamiliar corners.

Time has always been silent, seeping into every crevice, every building, every plant, and every person's face.

The city also seems to be growing up with us, shedding a certain part of itself and transforming into something more fresh and new.

And as Lucien and I walk through these changes together, it's hard to say whether I feel more nostalgia or anticipation.

Until the red light appears, I have no idea where I've driven us to.

In the unfamiliar scenery, warm light falls upon Lucien's face.

MC: Now, do you have any places you'd like to go or things you'd like to do?

This time, I didn't ask him for a random number but instead posed a question during this brief moment of silence.

Perhaps it's only after walking many paths that you'll discover the one you want to take.

The red light flickers and the countdown numbers slowly extend into his field of vision.

Lucien: I want to... look at the flowers.

—-------------------------------------------------------

Under Lucien's guidance, we continued to drive for a while.

The unknown world gradually added familiar sights, and the road ahead also widened.

The road of the old street is wider than it was three years ago, as if it had been freshly paved with asphalt, shining brightly in the sunlight.

Heading uphill all the way, not far ahead, I can vaguely see a massive white building.

Unlike the last time, Lucien confidently directs the way this time—until we park in the parking lot next to the white building.

In the distance, the hills and fields are vibrant, and osmanthus flowers dance silently in the wind like tiny specks of light.

They complement this massive white building, radiating splendid beauty, which makes my eyes well up with emotion.

It turns out that something new has already bloomed on that empty lot.

MC: So, this hospital has already been built…

Lucien: Um, it will officially open to the public in a few months.

Lucien shows no intention of getting out of the car and calmly gazes ahead.

I also follow his gaze. The hospital is surrounded by hills and forests, and we listen to the distant chirping of insects, telling the secrets of the wilderness.

The wind rustles through the leaves, and the lush greenery and deep red hues cast beautiful light and shadow under the sunlight.

MC: Were these trees here before?

Lucien: I believe they were also transplanted here in the past two years.

I lean against the steering wheel, looking at the scenery in front of me that is entirely different from what I remember, and I can't help but not know how to describe my feelings.

MC: Can a hospital be built so quickly?

Lucien: Of course, it's even faster since this hospital is a crucial project for expanding clinical teaching bases in Loveland City.

He said it naturally, causing my gaze to unconsciously shift back at him.

Perhaps my gaze is too probing, so Lucien casually slumps down on the right side of the dashboard.

Lucien: Actually, I've been here a few times before due to work reasons.

Lucien: While their primary research focus is orthopedics, they also want to incorporate related studies in neuroscience to treat more complex and critical diseases.

Lucien: That's why the hospital director approached me for a collaboration.

MC: You surely agreed, right?

Lucien: Do I appear so easy to persuade?

MC: You're far from being easy to persuade.

I reach out and gently caress his cheek that's nestled between his arms.

MC: (smiles softly) It's clear to me that you've always known what you want to do.

In the sunlight, Lucien seems to smile more comfortably. He nuzzles my palm, bringing himself closer to me.

Lucien: Although they are still lacking in clinical expertise in neuroscience, Lucien's Bioscience Research Center has already signed an agreement with this hospital.

Lucien: I will provide them with the necessary research theoretical support.

Lucien: However, to bridge some gaps, I recommended one of my former classmates from my doctoral program to them. Whether they can persuade him to join depends on the efforts of the hospital director.

Lucien appears nonchalant, but I can hear so much sentiment in his words.

It's Lucien's own research institute that concluded the collaboration, and even though he's aware of the shortcomings on the other side, he still chose to cooperate.

He probably unconsciously hopes that the things that are growing anew on that land will turn into something even more beautiful.

Perhaps because I've been staring at him, Lucien seems to have also understood the unspoken words I haven't uttered.

Lucien: The reason I agreed may be because, at some moment, I felt like I had touched upon a coincidence called fate.

MC: Should scientists believe in these things?

Lucien: [chuckle] It's needed once in a while.

We can't help but laugh together.

MC: How about we get down and go for a walk?

MC: Perhaps fate has other words to speak within this coincidence.

While that's what I'm saying, I actually don't know what else fate might have to say.

We don't enter the hospital; instead, we aimlessly stroll around.

That empty lot is no longer just a distant memory, nor does it remain stagnant in its place.

We walk up the hill and see a slightly small but uniquely looking shop by the side of the side road.

It quietly nestled amidst the woods directly facing the hospital, the rich aroma of coffee blending gently with the scent of fresh grass.

MC: This shop is also new, right?

Lucien: Indeed, I didn't expect a new coffee shop to open here.

Our gazes collide, and in each other's eyes, we see the same expectation.

MC: Let's go check it out then!

The simple and elegant decor made the whole café look clean and bright.

There's only one owner in the store, even though it's not yet opening time, she warmly welcomed us.

Owner: I didn't expect to have customers at this time.

Owner: The sunshine is lovely today. Why don't you two sit over here and enjoy the beautiful scenery?

She says as she leads us to a floor-to-ceiling window on the south side. Looking at the scene in front of me, I unconsciously hold my breath.

Emerald green, golden yellow, and crimson red – time unfolds the colors it has painted to depict life in front of this window.

It's as if the four seasons silently cycle, but at this moment, it kindly extends all of its vistas, leaving the shadow of time here.

Owner: Not far away, they've built a new hospital, and it seems the director is very environmentally conscious as they've planted many trees in the vicinity.

Owner: Looking out of this window, there are two very special trees, and I observe that only during this season of the year is there such a unique view.

MC: ...It's really beautiful, thank you for your recommendation!

After thanking the boss, we're sitting in front of that window.

Lucien gazes out of the window, slightly lost in thought. The colorful light and shadows fall delicately on him, as if embracing him, sinking him into the shade of the trees.

MC: I wonder if this place is directly facing the window where the little boy used to be.

He pauses for a moment and looks at me amidst the gorgeous display.

MC: At this moment, can we also see the four seasons in his eyes when he looks outside the window?

Lucien: (smiles while looking away) Probably so.

Lucien: After all, it's what has grown anew on this land.

His voice is heavy and resolute.

MC: That's wonderful.

Lucien: Hmm?

MC: They are so beautiful, it's truly wonderful.

Memories are now distant and unattainable, but they still remain here. And in such a birthplace, all the beauty that has grown is so delightful.

MC: Perhaps this painting-like scenery is also a gift from fate to you.

Beneath the play of light and shadow, the girl's face is filled with the colors of sunshine, and she smiles warmly.

Lucien always feels that the emotions that he couldn't figure out the answer to seem to open a small crack, allowing even more indescribable feelings to pour out.

When discussing the collaboration compensation, he proposed donating two trees in the name of the research institute as a partial substitute for the hiring fee.

At every moment when he came here alone, he could clearly feel the spreading branches and twigs.

Perhaps, the meaning of time lies in the fact that nothing stays in one place, and this is also a form of trace and continuity.

It's just that, some changes would be better if they happened slower.

He always selfishly thinks this way.

Lucien: Probably... it really is a gift, isn't it?

Lucien: However, there may be more to it than just fate.

The colorful world is distant yet clear, all frozen in the eyes.

Because of you, I can see the traces of time so clearly.

It turns out that everything has passed for so long, long enough that I'm almost forgetting the name of this feeling.

It turns out that on a day like this, I'm allowed to have both loneliness and warmth at the same time.

It turns out that what I felt was sadness.

—--------------------------------------------------------

=Flashback Start=

The cemetery in the early morning is dark and solemn, with only a few stars twinkling in the sky.

The streets at four o'clock were too deserted, so Lucien bought a particularly simple bouquet of flowers from a newly opened stall at the door.

He passed through the freshly painted iron gate and walked slowly along the gravel path.

The paper's reference seemed to pull him into the light and shadow of time that he couldn't speak or think of yet also couldn't forget.

There were always two busy figures, always smiling with their eyes forever gazing into the distance.

These long-ago scenes that feel more like yesterday are strangling his breath and cutting open his wound today.

The time devoured by enduring anxieties of emptiness returns in its entirety today, as it does on all other 'todays'.

Some kind of longing dug into the wound, causing him to suddenly pause before tucking the girl in his arms into the quilt.

He pondered for a long time, and in the end, he decided to put on a suit.

That period of time was like this road, neither long nor short, but he spent many years on it.

Lucien stopped before the graves, gazing at the familiar names on it, and heaved a long sigh.

What should he say? He didn't know.

He simply gently placed the flowers down and reached out to touch the name on the tombstone.

The dust had settled in the gaps, and he cleaned it meticulously, even those stubborn stains were carefully wiped away.

He silently gazed at those two clean names, looking at them again and again.

Lucien: I seem to... miss both of you.

Today belongs to both of you, yet it also feels like it belongs to me.

When I abandon my name, I can treat it as a day that only belongs to me.

Now that I stand before you, does it mean that the distant past has slowly arrived at my side?

When I leave, the time left for you both will come to an end, and the time ahead should be reserved for her, or maybe for the me who's blessed by you.

Is that okay?

Lucien knew that no one would provide him with an answer. He simply sat there, no longer dwelling on anything.

He didn't know how long he had been sitting there, until the slowly approaching light from the distance began to illuminate him.

=Flashback End=

—--------------------------------------------------------

MC: You can open your eyes now!

Lucien opens his eyes under my guidance, and I happen to collect the last decoration.

Lucien: The issues troubling me seem to have somewhat disrupted your preparations.

MC: That's not entirely true.

Noticing that Lucien has picked up on some clues, I place the cake on the small couch and pull him down to sit.

MC: No matter how grand the birthday celebration is or how it is celebrated, the focus should be on the person who is celebrating it.

MC: You are the most important.

MC: Everything I've done is simply in the hope that they can appear more fittingly before you.

The warm light falls on the small arched couch, enclosing our figures leaning against the glass within it.

Outside, it started raining at some point, the raindrops hitting gently against the window. Much like the indescribable feelings, the world was shrouded in a misty haze.

Lucien: It feels like we're inside an egg here.

MC: Right? I think so too.

MC: So, let's just imagine we've briefly returned to the state before venturing into the human world and taking a rest here.

Lucien: Hmm, what's outside the window then?

MC: Outside the window is the place we'll go to.

MC: It might rain today, it might be clear tomorrow, or there might be a sandstorm.

MC: Every day, the weather will be different, there will be many sad things, and there will also be many happy moments.

Lucien: Can sadness and happiness... exist at the same time?

MC: Of course they can.

MC: Because they are both important to you.

I gently stroke his brow and gaze deeper into him through those eyes filled with emotions.

Lucien: (in the most fragile tone you ever hear-) ….Then, can you hug me?

I don't speak; instead, I answer him with my actions.

Perhaps I had also waited for a long time, waiting for him to come to me, letting me accompany him and giving me the right to comfort him.

Lucien: I went to meet some very important people today.

MC: Um.

Lucien: I miss them very much.

MC: Mm.

Lucien: But I feel happy again because of you.

I bite my lower lip hard and feel my eyes slightly welling up.

Lucien: I don't know how to handle these emotions, but I also feel a bit childish like this.

MC: I don't think so. I really like you just the way you are now.

MC: Being candid and clumsy, like a child without any worries. It's a kind of growth for you too.

Lucien: But today is obviously my birthday, isn't?

MC: It's precisely because today is your birthday that you can be like this.

I can't help but hug him even tighter.

MC: Sometimes, I feel as if we're growing up like layers of an onion, with each year wrapped around the last.

MC: Even though you're growing older, you still have all the previous ages you've been.

MC: You are also the 26-year-old Lucien, the 20-year-old Lucien, the 18-year-old Lucien, the 14-year-old Lucien – you are every version of yourself from different time periods.

MC: So, you can think rationally, but you can also be indifferent; you can be passionate, yet feel discouraged at times.

MC: When we grow up, we don't abandon ourselves. Every version of you from the past is still within your heart.

MC: You will see them, comfort them, and accept them.

Behind me, Lucien is silent, but the slightly tightened arms seem to quietly reveal something.

MC: What did the ten-year-old Lucien do today?

Lucien: Mm... I read a very special book.

MC: And what about the fourteen-year-old Lucien?

Lucien: I went to Venice, took photos at the Bridge of Sighs, and accidentally dropped my camera.

MC: Hmm, and what about when you were seventeen?

Lucien: Spent an entire night in my own independent laboratory.

MC: Wow, you! You didn't pull an all-nighter at twenty as well, did you?

Lucien: When I was twenty… I was given a graduation ceremony that I think is a bit special now.

MC: And what about you today?

He slowly lifts his head, his soft fingertips caressing my cheek.

Lucien: I went to meet important people

Lucien: And returned to your side.

MC: So you see, today may be your birthday, but it's also a special book day and a day for a bit of luck to escape.

MC: It can be an all-nighter day or a day for sleep. It's your graduation ceremony, and it's also the day of your important people.

MC: It doesn't just belong to happiness, it simply belongs to you.

MC: Happy birthday, Lucien. You don't have to be just happy.

The droplet on the glass window reflects the candlelight, resembling burning osmanthus petals as if time itself has paused by our side.

Lucien finally smiles, his eyes sparkling.

Lucien: I think, I know what wish to make now.

He wraps my hands together in his and looks at the candlelight.

It seems like he's saying a lot of wishes, and only after a while does he rest his forehead against mine.

MC: I hope all your wishes come true.

Lucien: Well, this Miss will have to work hard because it's not just from the present me.

Lucien: I just took the opportunity to make up for all those days I forgot to make wishes.

MC: Right now, I feel like I'm accompanying the past you.

MC: Would you call me silly for feeling this way?

Lucien: (whispers softly) Of course not.

His warm lips gently cover mine, devout and solemn.

Lucien: Furthermore, for the future me, the present is my past.

At the moment the candles were blown out, the sound of fireworks bursting in the distance could be heard. Colorful fireworks exploded outside the window, decorating the night sky.

It turns out that the rain had silently stopped at some point.

Lucien: It looks like there will be fireworks outside the window.

MC: It's welcoming you.

At this moment, there are less than 10 minutes left until the end of Lucien's birthday.

I grab his hand and run out of the B&B, running onto the street.

The street scene is incredibly lively, and for some reason, the celebratory fireworks keep lighting up the night sky, leaving colorful streaks in their wake.

Pedestrians pause for a moment, and I hold Lucien's hand. We walk through the crowd and I excitedly turn back to him.

MC: Lucien, it's wonderful that you came into this world.

MC: Thank you for coming into this world, thank you for coming to my side.

Another burst of fireworks soars into the sky, and the world is so beautiful, as if gathering all the colors of this moment into his eyes.

All the accumulated emotions are like the fireworks at this moment, making him vibrant and alive.

I see him take my hand and wrap his other arm around my waist.

Perhaps this isn't even a dance, we're just embracing each other and spinning around while laughing.

It seems like only the two of us exist in the world.

Lucien: MC.

I hear him calling my name.

Lucien: Thank you, for giving me this beautiful world as a present.

MC: Then I hope even more that whether I participate in your world or not, you will have the beauty of the whole world.

Lucien: Don't worry.

Lucien's eyes are filled with a smile, and the lamp's warm glow makes him look incredibly bright.

Lucien: All my time is as dazzling as you.

-

[Phone Call- coming soon]

-

[Lux's small rambling corner]

Dying rn after two sleepless nights, so I'll say a little for now and will add more after resting for some days orz. But really, I think what makes this date good can be felt with heart. Every single sentence is golden and worth to be screaming about hnghhh.

Where should I start??? Everything about this date feels perfect. I don't even know where to begin🥹 I genuinely think this one is his best birthday date. The pay of years' worth of build-up and the metaphors are perfect, and GOD, how this date consists of everything that makes them unique and lovable to me.

I didn't anticipate that the writers would skillfully weave together past birthday dates on this occasion. Honestly, I wouldn't mind if this marks the final instance centered around the theme of the past self. Embracing every version of your past self that makes up 'you' is truly a fitting conclusion.

It's INSANE how his writers are able to build up the whole thing over the span of 6 YEARS like??? The way his change and growth happen little by little as we accompany him in those years, watching him now just being himself, frankly expressing his emotions and longing, and taking the initiative to be vulnerable for the first time, I can't help but feel emotional sob sob. Trust me, I CRIED the first time I read that part when he asked for a hug. We've seen him being vulnerable before, but him being the one who takes the initiative is an entirely different matter. I mean, Lucien????? the same guy that says he's okay when he got heatstroke???/hj.

Anyway, with each birthday, Lucien seems to discover something new. Like last year when he finally found a place that can be called home, this year, what he found was the loneliness and sadness from the past that he hid so deeply because he just didn't understand and had no time to deal with it. After his parents' death he give himself a new name and abandoned his old one. Like cutting off his past memories, put them in small box, locking them and hid them. Back then, he probably thought that he would never open that 'box' again and he would eventually forget its existence. But every time he get reminded of them, like in this date when he saw their names in reference he'd see the key of that 'box', reminding him of its existence.

Now, because of his encounter with her, he is gradually able to slow down, slowly understand his feelings and emotions. And so, he finally opened that 'box', went to the cemetery to see his parents and clumsily told them what he unconsciously always wanted to say, letting years of sadness and missing from losing them filled him. With this, he also slowly accept his every past self.

Like the fireworks after the long rain, his present self is alive and vibrant. Be it sadness or happiness, Lucien, I'm glad that now you can experience and accept both.

[akwardlyuncool]

Class Favorites: Albums That Needed More Time Or Came Out Too Late To Be Official Favorites

General Note: Y'all know albums that I don't have physical copies of are more likely to end up here and that is what it is.

__________________________________________________________________

Placement/Intention by Watsky

So what had happened was.... In preparation for what probably would be my last Watsky show, I went and binged his last 3 albums: Complaint, Placement and Intention, with emphasis on the last two, so I wouldn't look silly at the concert and ended up not dedicated enough personal time to any one of them in particular. It was a failure on my part, however I did not look silly at the show and Watsky ended up being one of my top 5 artists of the year. That's all fine and dandy, but I truly do need to give these albums more attention than just treating them like I'm binging for a test. There's great stuff in here, that I've been bumping even before 2023. I know I will fall even more in love with this whole body of work, that I'm so proud of, if I literally chilled with them. I now have Complaint and Placement on CD, so that should help as well.

Top 2 Placement Recommendations:

Undermine ft. Raquel Rodriguez (Track 4)

The Price of Growing Up (Track 6)

Top 2 Intention Recommendations:

Nothing Like That Last Time (Track 10)

What's The Move ft. T-Pain (Track 2)

Sunday At Foxwoods by Boys Like Girls

I wanted to give it to the Boys anyway cause I saw them in concert this year (wonderful show) and had many songs from the album on repeat, for most of the year, however the full release came out in later October and my quest to get a physical copy hasn't been so great. Target sold out of the copy that I wanted and the CD that I bought off eBay came broken, so things just weren't working out. All of that being said, I have no doubt that when I finally get my CD and listen to everything in order, front to back, it will reaffirm what I already feel and that's that THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN. They're just so good and I'm here for everything, except for their fashion choice of the American flag lol. Y'all-ternative is real and Boys Like Girls are leading that charge. (Yes I am cringe, leave me alone.) Anyway the album is fantastic and even though I haven't done a full run through, I don't need to, to tell you that.

Top 2 Recommendations (Yes this is hard, cause I know half the album):

New Love (Track 5)

Blood and Sugar (Track 4)

*Bonus: The Outside (Outsiders Version) ft. 3OH!3, State Champs, The Summer Set and The Ready Set

I added this song and specifically this version because I think it's the best way to get the full effect of this moment and what it feels like with Boys Like Girls coming back to us. At the end of the day I think I love other songs slightly more, but this song gets me going every time.

SHIMMER.SEASON by Not My Weekend

I didn't think I was going to talk about this album because it came out in November, but then I had an end of the year binge of Not My Weekend as a whole, that's still kinda kicking and figured why not include it here so that maybe it will make it to all the main stuff in 2024. So I'm shouting it out here and now, but to be fair, this will be it's only appearance for ACF23. I also just don't want to have to go rework all of the categories that have already been long since completed, cause they would bump several folks.

Anyway SHIMMER.SEASON is the general wave for me right now. It's what I got on "out of album order" repeat and what I imagine will stay in rotation for some time to come. I'm not sure if I've listened to it front to back but I feel like I've played the Not My Weekend artist station on Spotify so many times now that I've heard all 10 songs at least once and some of them at least 20. Again it's what we doing right now. Also I don't think Patrick Gilchrist emphasizes the line "b*tch I might be!" enough when he does Lighting for in his Instagram videos, just sayin.

Top 2 Recommendations:

LIGHTING ft. Brian Butcher (Track 7)

SHUT.UP (Track 9)

[keiko-error]

Hello readers,

As I am writing this, it has been 15 hours since the announcement of the death of Alex "Technoblade". If you haven't watched his final video and don't plan to, no worries.

You are completely valid. For those of you who are grieving alongside the community, it's okay to grieve. I can't begin to imagine how his close friends and his beloved family feel about all this. The pain of losing a loved one, a friend, is unimaginable.

I had always seen myself in Technoblade. Having only been 5 years younger than him and with a similar personality and set of interests, I related easily to him. He helped me learn to accept myself, flaws and all. I must agree with his words, I really am a nerd.

His videos had been a great comfort to me throughout my life.

I remember watching him play Skywars on the school laptops the first day of high school as a traumatized teen. I remember watching him a year and a half later,. I remember watching him mess with Phil and Tommy with his goons before the pandemic caused a worldwide shutdown. I remember the 2nd Potato War, after I had just started grade 9 and my school left for Spring Break, none of us returning. He was there, winning the Minecraft Championship with the rest of SBI, keeping a smile on my face as I prepared for high school . I remember watching him go against Dream for $100,000 during my first semester, days after my brother was born. Even as my high dreams slipped through my fingers, and I felt like a complete failure, falling into a deep depression, so close to ending it all, his content kept a stupid smile on my face.

I passed my grave and I'm now in grade 12 all thanks to him.

The world genuinely lost an amazing person. He has inspired so many, and so many rediscovered their passions and purpose thanks to him. Out of everything he's said, he was right about many things. I miss Technoblade very much, but, true to his word, he never dies. Technoblade never dies because he will forever live in us all. His memory and his impact will live on in the lives that he touched.

It's okay to grieve, it's okay to feel lost. I, for one, am devastated. I have not cried this much and have not felt so much pain since the passing of my father Figure and my baby sister 3 years ago.

We must remember to get back up again. Even if it feels hard and impossible, we can do it. We much live our lives to the fullest, no regrets. It's what he would have wanted. Continue to write your poems, your stories, your songs. Draw to your heart's content, play new games, cook new foods, try new things. Hug those around you. Tell someone you love them. Look at the stars, learn something new and exciting, help someone out. Life is too short for us to take it for granted.

For those who may not know, there has been merch released in remembrance of Technoblade. A portion of the proceeds will be going towards fighting cancer. You can also directly donate, if you have the means to do so.

"And I hope you all go on to live long, prosperous, and happy lives, because I love you guys." - Technoblade, "so long nerds", June 30th, 2022

Let's do exactly that. Let's move forward, sorrow and all, and show him that we can live on. He's watching us, always has and always will.

I read that once you die to cancer, the cancer dies too. You don't lost, it's a draw. And Technoblade never loses.

He will be remembered as an effortlessly talented, intelligent, friendly and witty man.

So long, my favorite nerd. You have been, and always will be, the one and only Blood God. I can't wait until we meet in the afterlife, so I can thank you and then give you a piece of my mind for that remembrance merchandise. Only you would do such a thing. I've never felt so happy in years

I have no regrets on watching you Technoblade,

As a quote from genshin impact

zhongli

" he will continue to shine like gold in my memories"

"If I had another hundred lives, I think I would choose to be Technoblade again every single time, as those were the happiest years of my life." -Technoblade, "so long nerds", June 30th, 2022

(Art not mine) all credits on Twitter

https://www.wattpad.com/story/315111044?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=1234567aph&wp_originator=MrdWRQp%2BESGBZ6doSrwgVV1fwxI3F4NiPZKKX6xsQJy5ci33VMKAR2KeI19BqTGCalPChHVMUCKeyKR%2F4rRrWV5vlo6HFw4jJcDTedptkafe%2F2kE%2BCVEt1qpjRscDL3Q

[panticwritten]

Exercise 1: Flash Fanfiction

Here's the first exercise that I wrote for the writing swap streams!

Turnout was low on the April stream, and I hope to see more folks for the stream on May 4th. I'll have a bit more time to prepare for that one, so I'm looking forward to it!

This first exercise is fanfiction from the video game Dauntless, which I've been playing with my husband for the past month or so. I didn't think I'd write anything in this universe, so this one was a surprise!

A small reflection is included at the end of the exercise, as part of the exercise.

Word count for the exercise: 626 words.

CW:

Blood/wound healing

We haven't added any paid tiers yet, but check out my Patreon for more content!

Not every hunt was equal.

The slayer eased their bare leg into the bath water and winced. Granny Strega had warned them, and she was right: This healing wasn’t pleasant. The special tonic she made would heal the corruption and close the wound, but all that meant was the pain of healing in minutes instead of spread over the weeks.

“Nasty fucker—hey, I told you to wait for me.” Their partner opened the bathing room door the rest of the way and only feigned a pout for another moment. “How’s it feeling?”

“Terrible. Nothing for pain in this, the corruption—”

They wobbled on the edge of the tub and Blaze moved closer to hold them steady by the shoulders. They didn’t look directly at her, instead meeting her eyes in the mirror propped up next to the tub.

The bathing room wasn’t particularly large, and Panic was fairly certain it was some sort of storage room before this section of the building was assigned to the pair. Just an empty square with a drain in the middle until Blaze dragged the tub and the mirror in several days after arriving. At the time, Panic was simply grateful to have privacy in bathing rather than using the public baths, but now they were glad to bleed the corruption out of their calf in the peace of their own home.

Thinking of that day and watching Blaze’s chocolate brown eyes was much easier than looking down at the black goo leeching from the wound just a couple inches under their knee.

That was fine, though, because Blaze took a glance down at the bath for them, then grimaced.

“That Shrowd got you pretty deep.” Blaze’s brow pinched in concern. She repeated: “You were supposed to wait for me.”

“Sorry.” Panic looked away, finally down into the tub at the cloud of black drifting out from their wound, mixing with the faint tinge of green from Granny’s tonic. “I just wanted to get this over with.”

She rolled her eyes, but it was with a smile. “Dumbass. Not even a week since you reforged your blades and you do this.”

“You’re the one who needed the voidfeathers,” Panic muttered through gritted teeth. “I wanted to go to Cape Fury. Deepfrost Skarns, for Gregario.”

“You still bother with his rumors?” Blaze barked a laugh, which drew a smile from them. No matter how strained, she knew exactly how to make them smile.

Panic flexed their leg and winced. A large puff of black and red shot from the wound, then the tub flashed with a green light.

All at once, the pain was gone. The inky black corruption had also vanished from the water, leaving that green tinge with sickly red ribbons flowing through it. The potion did its job, and Granny Strega earned her pay once again.

“So…” Blaze released Panic’s shoulders and backed away from the tub. Corruption she could handle, but blood was a whole different story. “Shrowds?”

Panic couldn’t help it: they burst into a thin laugh. Right back into the Embermane’s den, after that?

“Skarns, dude.” They snagged the towel they had hanging from the door handle to pat their leg dry. They lingered and touched the new, circular scar with the pad of their finger before dropping the towel on the ground. They’d clean up before suiting up. “Maybe some Thunderdeeps for Moyra, then we can go after your Shrowds again.”

Blaze feigned a pout, then cracked a grin. “Better go let Granny know you’re okay.” She reminded them. “She’ll be worried about you, especially after a special order like that.”

They nodded and rolled their pant leg back down to cover their calf. They’d better get moving before Granny sent someone after them.

------

My reflection:

Things I think I did well:

Actually writing something under 1,000 words??? It was also fun to work with two characters that are so completely new to me as a writer, especially since they are essentially blank slates as PCs.

Things I struggled with:

Something I normally have a really hard time with is environmental descriptions. This was no exception, and when I went back for a second pass to bring the word count up a little bit almost everything I added was related to describing the environment. These things just don’t come to me very easily.

I do still think the descriptions could have been better in this one, though I did purposefully not describe Blaze. Because the POV is pretty close to Panic, I really don’t think they would be thinking in detail about the appearance of someone they see everyday when they’re already feeling the stress of active pain and healing. Maybe I’ll write their first meeting sometime, though I’m not sure if I’ll keep writing Dauntless stuff.

What ‘muscles’ do I feel like I worked this time?:

I definitely worked on my characterization and stylization skills. Having two characters that have no prescribed personality other than ‘this is my avatar to experience the world with’ and creating a whole personality for them was fun.

Fitting them into a world I’ve never written in was also a challenge, since I normally write in worlds that feel familiar to me or that I’ve been writing in for so long they feel like home. This was something new, and that can be tough. I remember the line ‘into the Embermane’s den’ was originally ‘into the lion’s den’ until I realized that these people wouldn’t refer to it as a lion’s den since lions are far from the scariest critter they would have to worry about.

Putting myself into the world and asking those questions: “what would be common phrases in this world?” “how do common sayings and phrases change based on worldbuilding context?” “how does this translate into behavior differences, and habits?”

These questions are helpful when writing fanfiction, of course, but they are also very important when writing within our own original worlds that might diverge from the reality we live in and the spheres we exist in. This is part of why I chose this world to write in, honestly, because I knew it would be more of a challenge.

[rocorambles]

I'm am an utter Seijoh w h o r e thank you for asking 😌

I've always loved the idea of the Seijoh Third years au during the purge, going out into it as a unit to track down their darling (either manager or just someone they collectively have their eyes on) and bringing her back to their place for the worst best night of her life. Mattsun's horse cock, cockwarming in her throat while Makki and Iwaizumi make use of the rest of her. (I am wildly into double vaginal penetration)

And oikawa is manning the camera so they can remember this night for years to come. He can be patient, they waited all year right? He could wait an hour or two more. They have all night with her after all

YULI THE WAY THIS ASK HAD ME SCREAMING!!!! I needed to let it marinate in my inbox so I could do it justice and hopefully this lives up to your expectations~

Warnings: Yandere, NSFW, Rape/Non-Con, Non-Con Video Recording, Degradation, Humiliation

Graduation is quickly approaching and it should be a time of excitement, celebration, maybe a tinge of sadness as the third-years prepare to move on with their lives and go on a new adventure. But all Iwaizumi, Oikawa, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki feel is frustration. They had all jokingly taken bets on which of them you’d end up dating, although there’s nothing funny about how much each one of them cares for you and wishes more than anything else that it’s them that holds a special place in your heart. But they had been so sure that you must love one of them, no one else even in contention in their minds. So imagine their surprise when you reject all of them. 

You’d rather be alone than with any of them? 

That’s not an option and quite insulting as far as Oikawa is concerned and they panic, heatedly whispering and seething to each other as graduation draws nearer and nearer, as the end of their time with you threateningly approaches. 

But they have one saving grace and they impatiently wait, nonstop planning and scheming as they work out your special night, hopefully the first of many as the yearly purge also draws near, thankfully just before graduation. Really, they couldn’t have asked for better timing and it’s almost like even God is on their side. 

The purge isn’t something you’ve ever worried about much, not something that a normal person like you has much to fear and you plan on quietly spending it safely locked away at home as usual, knowing no one has it in for you, that there’s no reason for anyone to be actively trying to hunt you down. So terror lances through you when there’s pounding on your front door, when the locked doorknob rattles and shakes as someone attempts to twist it open, when the wood of your door creaks and shudders under the force of the person trying to break in. 

But suddenly there’s strangely familiar shouting and the noises stop and you stare with hopeful teary eyes, practically sprinting to fling open the door when you place the voice in your mind that’s softly urging you to open up and throwing yourself into the arms of the handsome captain. 

Maybe in hindsight you’ll wonder why you didn’t question what Oikawa and Iwaizumi were doing at your front door, but in the moment, shaken by what had just transpired, you obediently lace your fingers with Oikawa’s and let him tug you to his house, closely trailed by Iwaizumi who scans your surroundings, before letting Hanamaki and Matsukawa pull you into a group hug when the three of you safely return to Oikawa’s residence where the five of you will ride out the rest of the purge together. 

It should be comforting knowing that you’ll be with four of the strongest men you know and you do feel safe, at first, but you feel uneasy the longer the four of them unabashedly stare at you, hungrily looking at you as if you’re a piece of meat, tensing at the question Oikawa asks. 

“Why aren’t we good enough for you?” 

To be honest, you had thought it was a joke when one by one, all four men had asked you out privately and it wasn’t until afterwards when you saw the genuine hurt on their faces when you turned them down that you realized all of them had been serious. It’s flattering. It really is. They’re handsome and athletic and you know most of the female population at Aoba Johsai would kill to be with any of them, let alone have all four interested in them. But you aren’t most of the female population and dating just wasn’t in your current plans. 

You flinch at the harsh scoff Matsukawa directs at you. 

“You’re not like most women? So this doesn’t make you feel anything?”

You screech as he abruptly slips a hand down the front of his pants and pulls out his cock in broad view for everyone to look, your hands trying to cover your face, but Iwaizumi’s hands grab your wrists from behind and Hanamaki’s hand on your face forces you to really take in the view in front of you. 

And what a view it is. 

You had heard rumors about just how massive Matsukawa is and you can now attest to the fact they aren’t just rumors and despite the blaring alarms in your head, you can’t look away, mouth going dry at the sight, which doesn’t go unnoticed by the tall blocker who mockingly laughs at you. 

“I thought you weren’t like most women? If you want it that much, I’ll give it to you.” 

You don’t have time to register what’s happening until you’re being shoved down to your knees by Hanamaki, face forcefully being squished against the cock, nose having no choice but to inhale Matsukawa’s musky scent, upper body splayed across Matsukawa’s lap while your ass is raised high in the air behind you. Your hands desperately try to scramble for purchase, trying to lift yourself up and away from your humiliating position, but they’re pulled back behind you once again by Iwaizumi and tears begin to prick at the corners of your eyes as Matsukawa mockingly rubs and smears his shaft all over you, beads of pre-cum being rubbed all over your face.

“Now open up and don’t bite, otherwise you really won’t like what we do to you.” 

And you believe him, already terrified of what they have in store for you, hopelessness and helplessness flooding through you and keeping you docile when you register just how little you can do against all four of them, when sinking realization that even if you did miraculously escape them, there’d be no hope for you out alone during the purge. 

What choice do you have? 

So you listen, hoping that if you play along with their sick and twisted game, they’ll let you off the hook more easily, that you can just toughen up and get through this one night and flee far far far away from these monsters once the morning arrives. And you open your mouth, nausea roiling through you as Matsukawa’s tip slides past your pursed lips, his girth achingly stretching your mouth, his length bringing a new wave of tears to your eyes as your throat is completely violated, breathing becoming shallow as you desperately inhale as much as you can through your nose as your head is continuously shoved down, throat and eyes fluttering at how agonizing the feeling is when he finally bottoms out inside of you. 

Matsukawa laughs at the way your body wildly flails for oxygen, groaning at the way your mouth vibrates with your screams and your throat convulses when he cruelly pinches your nose shut with his fingers and it becomes an awful game of push and pull as he alternates between releasing and pinching, enjoying how much control he has over your body and your life. 

But you have more to worry about than just the man in front of you and you’re rudely reminded of that as a body slips underneath you from behind, hands holding your thighs in place as bodies move behind you. And you incoherently scream, unintelligible babble and gargles from around Matsukawa’s cock indicating just how stressed and panicked you feel as two objects grind and rub against your pussy. 

They’re not going to fit. They’re not going to fit. They’re not going to-

Your eyes go impossibly wide, body going rigid in shock and despair, mind trying to cope with the excruciating pain as two cocks insistently press against your tight opening, slowly, but surely bullying their way in, and a high-pitched keening scream pierces the room as your walls are brutally stretched wide, body feeling broken just from the two well-endowed men bottoming out inside of you. 

But your mind completely shatters when they begin to move, Iwaizumi painfully pulling your arms almost of their socket as he pistons in and out of you at a feral pace, Hanamaki forcing you to bounce up and down on his cock, jeeringly slapping your ass as your globes jiggle in front of him. And you don’t even know who or what you are anymore as your pussy and mouth are ravaged, used as little more than two convenient holes, pain and humiliation blinding you, and something far more terrifying beginning to bubble just below the surface as Hanamaki’s hand slides between your legs to play with your clit. 

You don’t like this. There’s no way you like this. You can’t feel good. 

But Hanamaki is insistent on making sure growing pleasure entangles you in its grasp, smirking at the way your pussy undeniably begins to clench, the way your hips begin to move on their own, the way arousal begins to drench both their cocks, the way beautiful wanton moans begin to fill the air. 

They love you after all. What fun would it be if they didn’t make sure you felt good too? And sure, maybe it’ll hurt a bit in the beginning, but you were made for this, made for them, and your body will get used to it, adjust for them. 

Oikawa watches in fascination, hand palming his own raging erection as he observes everything from the video camera filming, unknown to you. And it takes every bit of self-control not to join the fray, not to make use of that tight puckered hole of yours that’s so lonely and unused. But his time will come. The time will come when you’ll know what it feels like for every single hole to be stuffed full. The time will come when he’ll know every inch and crevice of all your holes personally. 

But for now he can sit back and watch as his peers break you in, as he secures the footage that will tie you to them forever. Because even when the purge ends, this video will still exist and he’ll have no qualms about sending it to any university you hope to run away to after graduation if you don’t forget about your far fetched thoughts and stay by their side where you belong. 

Did you really think they didn’t know about your silly selfish plans to stray as far from Miyagi as possible, as far from them as possible? 

It’s almost enough to make him completely lose his temper, the thought of you escaping them. But he reminds himself that it didn’t happen, that it won’t happen. And with that comforting piece of knowledge, he carefully adjusts the camera, zooming in on your tear and drool stained face and the way your pussy gapes wide as the two cocks relentlessly drill in and out of you. 

[angellesword]

please write a drabble to when jungkook from your eyes tell asks y/n to marry him 🙏🏼🙏🏼 i'm begging you or the first time they made love 🥺i just miss my couple sm

Have you read the special chapter of Your Eyes Tell? :D anyway, here’s the drabble you requested! :D Enjoy! <3

The exact time was 11:21am. The setting? Your apartment. You and Jimin were eating lunch together when a crazy idea popped inside your head.

"I'm going to propose to Jeongguk,"

Jimin choked on his juice the moment he heard you speak.

"W-What?" He rubbed his left ear as if doing that would make him understand your abrupt confession. Did he even hear you right?

Did you really want to propose to Jeon Jeongguk?

"I want to marry him, Jimin-ah. We've been dating for three months already..."

The way you said it confused him more. Three months. You had been dating Jeongguk for only three months. Jimin didn't understand why you were suddenly in a hurry.

"Okay," your best friend sighed, facing you—carefully analyzing your expression. He didn't want to upset you.

"I know you guys are soulmates, but isn't it too early to get married? I mean..." He trailed off, not sure what to say.

Jeongguk used to be an asshole to you. It took him so long to figure out that he loved you. What if he wasn't ready to take your relationship to another level? Or worse, what if he fucked up again? It would surely be hard for you to leave if you were already married.

"I just feel like it's not the right time, you know? You two are basically still at the merge stage. I see how you act around each other. You're so in love with him that I feel like you feel like he's never going to hurt you again. And...and!" He gasped, as if he just realized something. "Do you see the way Jeongguk looks at you? I know he has those innocent eyes, but he looks at you like you're the one who put the stars in the sky! Like you're the air he breathes—"

"Jimin..." You cut him off, huffing. "Why are you telling me this? Are you sure you don't want me to marry him?"

You didn't understand your best friend. He was only giving you more reasons why you should push through with your plan.

"I want you to marry him!" His eyes were wide. "I only said that it's not the right time yet. You guys are basically just getting to know each other. Besides, aren't you like...still mad at him? The last time I checked you banned him from your office building."

"That was months ago! We're cool now." You flashed a proud grin, causing Jimin to roll his eyes.

"You are batshit crazy! Why do you like that Jeon boy so much?"

It was a rhetorical question. Jimin clearly didn't expect you to get so sappy, but really, he was in the wrong here. He should know by now that you took everything about Jeongguk seriously.

You loved him that much.

"He asked me the same question before, you know? Gukkie doubts himself greatly. He thinks he's not worthy of love, but he is..." You were just like your soulmate. There were also stars in your eyes whenever you talked about someone you adored.

"I didn't give him an explanation because I don't know what exactly I love about him. Do you understand that feeling, huh, Jimin? Like when everything about that person screams love, you don't really know in particular why you love them? Jeongguk is like that for me. He hurt me bad before, but I guess what made me realize that he's the one I want to marry is that despite the pain he brought, it is still being overpowered by love. He showed me things I didn't know I was capable of feeling and doing..."

"Okay, stop." His eyes brimmed with tears. "I get it. You love him. You will always love him no matter what I say, so go. Just marry him. You have my blessing!"

"Really?" You embraced him when he nodded. "Cool! Help me prepare then! Who says girls can't propose to men?"

"No one! Let's go!"

Meanwhile...

The exact time was 11:21am. The setting? Taehyung and Jimin's shared apartment. Jeongguk and Taehyung were playing video games when a crazy thought popped inside your soulmate's head.

"I don't think she wants to marry me,"

Taehyung raised his brow the moment he heard Jungkook speak.

"What?" Taehyung didn't know whether to laugh or to shake his head. In the end, he chose to do both.

"Unless you're not talking about your soulmate, then I'm going to say you're being stupid." The older man laughed again. "Seriously, Guk? You don't think she wants to marry you? Are you blind or something? That girl will literally give you her heart for a dollar, and she wouldn't even mind if you break it into a hundred pieces. She's crazy over you."

Jeongguk frowned.

"What do you mean she's crazy over me? I will literally give her my heart for free, and I wouldn't even mind if she breaks it into a thousand pieces. I am crazy over her."

"Oh, God. Don't tell me you're so competitive you think you love her more than she loves you?"

"But it's true! I do love her more!" Jeongguk insisted, pouting his lips.

Taehyung shrugged nonchalantly. Typical Jeongguk.

"Whatever, man. Just marry her. I can help you choose what ring to buy." Taehyung put the controller down his lap, no longer interested in the game. "Or we can ask Jimin..."

Right. Because Jimin was your best friend.

"That sounds cool, but you're obviously not listening to me, hyung. I told you already. I don't think she wants to marry me!"

Jeongguk looked like he was about to cry. The thought of you rejecting him was enough to break his heart. He couldn't imagine a life without you anymore.

"Guk, you're just being dumb. Why wouldn't she want to marry you?" Taehyung groaned and Jeongguk sighed, explaining to his best friend his reason for thinking that.

Well, there was this one time when you two were watching a movie. Jeongguk intentionally chose a film related to a wedding. He was expecting you to comment what you liked if ever you decided to get married, but instead you stayed quiet throughout the whole film.

It also appeared like you didn't enjoy it. There was scowl on your face and you looked as though you were in deep thought.

"That's your reason?" Taehyung scoffed. "Wow, Guk. You're stupider than I thought."

"It's not just that!" Jeongguk snapped. He was struggling. He was in pain. He didn't know how to explain what's running inside his head.

"I'm just..." Your soulmate heaved a deep sigh. He looked so frightened. "I'm scared, hyung. I hurt her so much before. What if she doesn't want me anymore? I don't know...I can't...I feel like the only way I can do is to marry her, you know? I'm scared. I don't want her to leave me."

Jeongguk believed Taehyung would understand. However the latter only sighed.

"It sounds to me that you want to marry her for selfish reasons, Guk. You want to tie her down because you're afraid to be alone."

"No!" Your soulmate's eyes grew big, his heart was pounding. Shit. This was what scared him the most. People always misunderstood him since he wasn't good at expressing his feelings. How could he propose to you when he always ended up saying the wrong things?

"I just want to love her right, hyung. I want to show her that I am serious. She knows I am always trying to get away from her before. I don't want her to think that anymore. I want her to feel secured. I want her to know that she's the only one for me, that I'm not confused anymore. I mean, yeah...I don't want to be alone, but I don't want her to feel alone. I'm here for her. I'm going to take care of her. It's my turn to do that now..."

"Fuck." Taehyung exhaled loudly. "You really love her, huh?"

"More than her eyes can tell," Jeongguk smiled.

Taehyung and Jimin both helped you and your soulmate with the proposal. The four of you had no idea what the other party was planning.

You told Jimin not to tell Taehyung because the latter had a big mouth.

Jeongguk told Taehyung not to tell Jimin because the latter got excited all the time, he would probably end up telling you about the whole plan.

Basically, you and your soulmate shared the same reasoning. Luckily you and your soulmate had the same taste as well.

"I want to propose to her outside the sushi bar where she first confessed to me." This was what Jeongguk told his best friend. He wanted to be the one to confess to you this time.

"I want to propose to him outside the sushi bar where I first embarrassed him," and this was what you told Jimin. You wanted to relive that moment because it was hilarious. You hoped your soulmate wouldn't try to run away this time though.

Planning the event was rather fast. You and Jeongguk didn't want anything grand. You two just really, really want each other to say yes.

Sunday came, also known as the proposal day. You were already waiting outside the sushi bar. Unknown to you (and him) Jeongguk was standing just a few meters away from you.

Your phone was pressed into your ears. Jeongguk was talking to someone over the phone too.

"What do you mean you can't find him?" You groaned at Jimin from the other line. His job was to bring your soulmate here.

Taehyung had a similar task.

"Hyung! You said you'll bring her here!" Jeongguk felt like crying again. What if you found out about the proposal so you ran away?

"I don't know, Guk. I'm freaking out. I'm with Jimin right now. He's freaking out too. I heard him talking to your soulmate over the phone. I think she's already there."

Jeongguk didn't understand, but he still craned his neck, looking for you.

It didn't take him long to see you because you were already heading towards his direction.

"Gukkie!" You embraced him, your heart was beating erratically. Fuck. He was here! "I thought you ran away!"

Your soulmate creased his forehead. You thought he ran away when he was convinced that you did the same?

"Why would I run away? I want to be here. I'm glad Taehyungie-hyung convinced you to go here..." He felt like he could finally breathe even though he was releasing you from the hug.

It was your turn to give him a confused look.

"Uh? Taehyung didn't have to convince me. I'm here because I want to..."

Jeongguk's face turned pale.

"W-Wait! So you know?" He didn't know what to feel. Did Taehyung tell you about the plan? Damn! Why couldn't that boy keep his mouth shut?

"Of course I know!" You grinned, squishing his cheeks. "I never hesitated even a second, Gukkie. I want to marry you..."

His expression softened. You just said you wanted to marry him. Was he dreaming? God. This felt too good to be true. You made everything so easy.

All he had to do now was get on his knees, right?

"Good," and so he did. And then he fished a small box from the pocket of his jeans.

"Marry me, then."

You said you knew.

You knew, but why were you acting so shocked? Why were there tears in your eyes?

"Jeongguk..." You were shaking. He didn't understand. Did he do something wrong?

You suddenly got on your knees as well. Just like him, you also brought out a small box.

"I was supposed to do this." You laughed, showing him the ring you bought. "I was supposed to propose to you!"

Jeongguk couldn't believe it.

"Y-You..." He swallowed thickly, tears filling his eyes. "Thought about this too? But...I'm the guy! I should be the one doing this for you!"

He cried.

You cried too.

Both of you didn't know what to say. What to do? You had a plan. He did too.

When the stares of the people became too much to bear, he realized fuck it.

"Doesn't matter who proposed. I just know that I want you." He pulled your hand, carefully putting the jewelry right on your ring finger.

You did the same to him. Jeongguk's hand was trembling as you did it.

You stood up. Jeongguk followed, pulling you into an embrace once again.

"I love you so much..." He murmured, kissing your forehead.

"I love you too, Gukkie..." You didn't murmur it. Your voice was loud and instead of kissing his forehead, you aimed for his lips.

And boy did he taste so sweet.

[yourmidnightlover]

i’ll never be ready

Summary: when you've been taken by the recent unsub, you both come to a shocking realization.

TW: torture, self-hatred (derek, spencer), scars, noah (the sucky date guy), angst, fluff if you squint. let me know if i missed anything*

WC: 3,486

————————————————————————

saying the case was rough was under kill-which, ironically, was opposite of the unsub's mo. everyone had nearly lost count of how long they had been awake. 36, maybe 38 hours of nonstop work? going over case files and reviewing them for something - anything you might've missed. it all seemed a bit pointless because each time you reread a file you felt your eyes dropping down, threatening to betray you and make you succumb to the sleep.

"y/n," hotch spoke. "you've been up the longest. go back to the hotel with derek and get some rest. be back here in 5 hours," he demanded in a soft tone.

"won't argue with that," you chuckled best you could before morgan grabbed the keys, ushering the two of you to the car.

your hotel room was a few doors down from morgan's. he bid you goodnight before he opened his door, allowing you to continue on to your room. you decided to get a bottle of water - the sleep deprivation probably making you feel more dehydrated than you actually were.

after you paid for the bottle, you took a swig of it and trudged on to your room. only, you didn't make it. it felt as though the sleep you yearned for had finally taken over as it was accompanied by a throbbing migraine in the back of your head.

-

"what's taking them so long?" emily asked, looking at hotch for answers.

l"i'm not sure. i told them to only be gone for fi-" he was cut off by morgan slamming into the police station.

"she's gone," he uttered plainly, worriedly as he avoided any eye contact with the rest of the team.

"what do you mean 'she's gone?'" jj argued, feeling the worry bubble up inside of her as morgan continued talking.

"i knocked on her door to let her know that we had to leave. i-i thought she might've just slept through her alarm. but then she never answered," his eyes finally met someone on the team's. "i kicked through the door and the bed -it-it wasn't even slept in. i'm so sorry," he mumbled to that particular team member.

spencer felt his heart drop in his chest. he wasn't angry, per say. he was furious. he was frustrated and confused and wanted to hit something - someone. but not morgan. he wasn't mad at morgan. it wasn't his fault you were gone. at least that's what he thought until Garcia pulled up the footage from 6 hours ago.

the image of derek going inside his room, allowing you to wander past yours and retrieve the water before walking halfway back to yours, only to be hit over the head, was the only thing he could see. and what he did see... well, what he saw was in red.

"you didn't even walk her to her room?!" spencer accused derek.

"kid, we were all tired. i'm sorry, i really am," he pleaded with the young man.

"don't 'kid' me! 'sorry' won't bring her back! we know what this guy does to people and you didn't even make sure she was safe!" spencer walked closer to derek. "i can't believe you. we all had a discussion about how she was the unsub's type. you knew that and you still let her get taken," he poked his finger in his chest.

"i didn't let her do anything. i didn't want this to happen, reid," morgan tried to calm him down, only for them to be interrupted by jj coming into the room, asking for spencer to come with her before promptly leaving derek by himself. "i-i swear, babygirl, i didn't think th-"

"that's the problem, derek," she cut him off. "you didn't think," she said in a calm, sweet tone. "i love you, i truly do, but even when your guards are down when you're tired... you need to think."

"i know... i know. i don't- i don't know what to do now," he wiped the tears from his eyes.

"now you go be the hero i know you are," garcia smiled before signing off, leaving derek staring at a blank, black screen.

-

"look who's up," the unsub sang as you turned your head whilst lying on the cold, steel table. "before you try anything, there's no point in fighting. you're strapped down with reinforcements and the room is sealed with a steel door that can only be unlocked with my key."

"so what? should i just let you do whatever you want to me?" you scoffed as you rolled your eyes, observing the state of the room.

it wasn't very clean. it was dirty and grungy and the smell was absolutely horrid. you nearly gagged upon looking to the corner of the room, seeing an abundance of takeout and old pizza boxes - clearly old and moldy.

"that'll happen regardless, sweetheart," he brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, humming as he did so. "such a beautiful girl, truly," his hand travelled further south, grasping your neck tightly with the one hand before he brought a second one up to join it.

you stared him in his hooded eyes as he strangled you gently. you didn't make a show if it - that's where he got off. you wouldn't give him the satisfaction. although you would have to throw him a bone so he wouldn't kill you.

he was a sexual sadist. he got the relief from your pain and struggle. he would keep at it until you gave him what he wanted - your pain.

the profile had revealed that the unsub had a history of hatred for women from his own mother - who was most likely abusive. it was assumed that his father left at an early age and his mother blamed him for his departure.

"damnit!" he slapped your face, relinquishing his grip on your throat to allow you to breathe.

"what? can the big-strong-tough-guy not get off?" you mocked him, another slap hitting your face.

"shut UP!" he shouted at you. "when i get back you better be more cooperative," he spat out before grabbing a duffel bag and leaving.

a sigh of relief left you when the doors shut, hearing the deadbolt latch lock to signal you were stuck. you wriggled your wrists around, noticing they were bound by leather straps, as were your ankles.

-

"alright," hotch began as they gathered in the makeshift conference room, "so he has a 12 hour lead on us with her. we've profiled that the unsub keeps all the women at the same location. it'd be too difficult to move them with all the equipment he uses on them..." he looked towards spencer as he spoke, wanting to make sure he was alright.

"this has to be a power assertion move," emily added.

"you're right," rossi agreed. "taking a fbi agent would make him arrogant."

"so maybe he'll screw up? maybe we could find her?" spencer lit up at the brief sight of hope.

"don't get too excited, we still need him to make that mistake. but, yes, there's hope," hotch agreed.

penelope appeared all too sudden on the laptop screen, looking rather worried before she announced, "i'm gonna send you the video that just appeared on every screen in my bat cave. just... be prepared."

and then you were there.

you were strapped to the table, your shirt cut open to reveal your skin to the screen. the camera seemed to be hovering above the bed, focused on your body and the marks that already adorned it. you had a hand-shaped bruise on your trachea; a bruise on your cheekbone underneath your eye was contrasting your pale skin. the gag in your mouth held it open in what seemed to be an uncomfortable position. you looked tired. reasonably so, you never did get that proper rest you wanted.

and spencer would never get to tell you what he wanted if you couldn't make it out of there alive.

he never thought of you as anything but a friend but now that there was the possibility of you not making it back to him, he couldn't help but feel different about you. his heart was aching and he knew it would never stop until he was able to give it to you. now, he knew he wanted to hold you as more than a friend. he wanted to dance with you romantically rather than a silly platonic friendly thing. he wanted to kiss you, and tell you that he'd never leave you alone again. he just wanted you.

"look at how pretty she is lying there on the table," a voice that was off-screen cheered out. "although she's always quite the hottie, isn't that right... spencer? was that the name you told me, agent?" he grasped your chin, forcing your face to contort as you tried to wrangle yourself free from his grasp. "it was, wasn't it?" he laughed before releasing your face.

your eyes welled with tears upon the realization that the team might not make it to you on time. you had tried to put up a fight - you swore you did. but you could only fight so hard for so long. the light left your eyes in the form of tears streaming down your face, leaving them on display for your own team to mourn with you.

"looks like he won't be saving you, after all," he chuckled as shuffling was heard from over the screen. "let's see if they like the show, huh?" he brought a knife from out of his bag before removing the gag from your mouth.

"turn it off! turn it off!" you begged. "they-they don't need to see this, hudson," you revealed his name.

"hudson was the deputy that went home 13 hours ago. he was the one that gave us the files and intel on people in town. i guess he didn't actually go home," reid reminded the team.

"shut up, BITCH!" hudson wiped the knife down your right arm, a light hiss leaving your mouth from the intrusion.

"how about we get something to eat, yea? order some more jonny's pizza?" you emphasized before the knife went back into your skin, this time on the other arm.

"jonny's pizza is in a neighborhood only 10 miles away from here. hudson might own property near there. garcia?" spencer announced once more.

"on it," penelope declared before working her magic. "it says here that hudson's family owns an old restaurant that was shut down three years ago. it was passed on to him once his mother died. i'm sending the address your way."

"morgan, you're with me and emily-"

"i'm going with you," reid interjected.

"are you sure you're in the right-"

"i have to see her. i have to... i have to make sure she's okay," spencer tried to reason. hotch sighed before nodding his head in agreement.

they brought an ipad with them so they could watch as they traveled to the location. your arms were bleeding, but he had avoided the major arteries that would've killed you. your sobs wracked through the device, shattering spencer's heart more than he thought possible.

when they got to the restaurant, there were wooden boards surrounding every entrance. they left the sirens off in hopes to not scare the unsub into killing you.

"fbi!" morgan did his classic entrance, kicking the door in promptly. "hudson williams! fbi!" he led the team to the back of the room where a large, steel door rested.

spencer and hotch went to the sides of morgan, nodding at him to continue before he kicked the door in. the three, followed by more swat members, flooded inside the room quickly. spencer's eyes locked on yours as you lay on the table, looking sideways to see him. he saw the tears flow from your eyes as the unsub swung his knife up into the air, intent on stabbing you once more, this time fatally. spencer could swear he saw you mouth something to him before a shot rang through the air.

he looked to his side to see morgan had fired the shot that killed hudson, his knife falling beside your body as your body began shaking with sobs.

"let me go! let me go ple-please! get these off!" your arms struggled at the restraints before spencer holstered his gun, running to your side to work at the leather bindings.

"i'm here," he undid your wrists before you wrapped them around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder before sobs overtook you. "you're safe now, you're safe," his hand stroked the back of your head as you cried into his skin. "here," he pulled back momentarily before he shrugged off his vest and cardigan, handing you the cardigan to pull over your body.

"thanks," you sniffled as you pulled it tight over your body, covering your exposed state before embracing spencer once more, pulling him as close as you possibly could.

"i'm never letting you go again, y/n," he whispered before placing a kiss to your hairline. "never."

"good," you responded before he took you in his arms, carrying you to the ambulance that made it's way to the restaurant soon after they did.

you were severely dehydrated. the lacerations on your arm caused you to lose a lot of blood. you had a concussion. but you would be okay. you were alive. by some miracle, you were alive. you were alive and he'd never let you out of his sight again.

the entire time you were gone, you couldn't stop thinking about spencer. i mean, yes, your team entered your mind but not as much as spencer. who did you cry out for when he would hurt you? spencer. where would you go to distract you from what was going on? spencer's arms. spencer was the answer to all of your problems. it was spencer.

"spencer?" you asked as your head was resting on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around your shoulders as a mild attempt to keep you warm.

"yes?" he turned his head down to face your droopy face.

"i..." you stopped once you realized what you had planned on revealing. "please don't leave?"

"i won't," he gently took your chin in his hand, lifting your face up to see his. "i promise."

you nodded your head contentedly, satisfied with his answer. you couldn't say anything about how you felt now of all times. you needed him, as selfish as that seemed. you needed him to lean on as a crutch right now. telling him how you feel is risky. he could run away and distance himself from you once you open your mouth. so instead, you'd keep it shut.

as the weeks went by, your wounds healed. your heart tried to mend itself as time went on, but the process wasn't as smooth as it was with your external wounds. it was a rollercoaster process. you tried to convince yourself that you didn't love spencer. each night when he would come to your house to check up on you and watch a tv show or movie, you allowed yourself to imagine a life with him. a life where you didn't have to hide your feelings from him.

and spencer thought that telling you right after might've brought on too much stress for you. he thought it would be selfish to tell you such a thing after you nearly died. so, he pushed his feelings down as well.

and then penelope happened.

she had set you up on a date with one of sam's friends from counter-terrorism. you didn't really want to go, but you felt bad enough after skipping all of the girls' nights once you got abducted. so, you had gotten ready.

you wore a long-sleeved blouse and a skirt, the sleeves to avoid a conversation with a stranger you truly weren't ready for. to be honest, you were dreading whatever would happen tonight. you had mentioned the date to spencer, telling him how you didn't even want to go anywhere; you weren't ready to go out in public by yourself yet. he wasn't excited for you, who would be after you confessed your hesitance on going anywhere.

"i'm heading out now, spence," you walked out of your bedroom and into the kitchen where spencer was standing, waiting for you to get ready.

"al-alright," he nodded before turning towards you. "you look... you look beautiful, y/n," he sighed, making you blush lightly.

"thank you," you went to give him a hug, wrapping your arms around his torso. "for everything," you kissed his cheek before pulling away. "i don't think it'll be that long, i hope it's not that long," you chuckled before continuing, "so i'll see you after?"

"uhm, yea," he agreed. "i'll see you later."

you sighed before grabbing your keys and leaving, driving to the restaurant penny had told you to go to. it had only been two months since your abduction. you hadn't been anywhere without someone with you, most of the time it was spencer. you parked the car, grabbing your purse from the passenger seat and placing it in your lap.

you shouldn't have come. you shouldn't have done anything. you should've stayed with spencer. you should've let him know how you felt. you should've...

you felt tears well in your eyes before you pushed those thoughts down. you took a deep breath to compose yourself before you walked into the restaurant. you were led to the table noah miller would be at by the host.

"hi," noah greeted you.

"hi," you tried your best to muster up a smile as you sat down.

"uhm, penelope mentioned how beautiful you were, but i think it was severe underkill," he chuckled,

"oh, wow, thank you," you smiled. "you look pretty great yourself," you motioned. there was a moment of unsettling silence before you continued, "i haven't been out in a while. so, be patient with me tonight."

"sam mentioned that you went through something... an abduction, i believe?" you nodded your head. "that is beyond cool. do you... do you have any scars?" his eyes widened at the thought.

"ex-excuse me?" you furrowed your brows at the question.

"do you have any scars from the abduction?" he asked once more as if he didn't sense what was wrong with it in the first place.

"you... you're seriously asking to see the scars from when i was almost killed?" you scoffed before leaning back, crossing your arms over your chest defensively.

"are those your scars?" he awed as he pointed towards your arms, the sleeves had ridden up on your skin.

"what the hell is wrong with you?" you jerked your sleeves down once more before you stood up and grabbed your purse. "i hope you rot in hell you freak."

you ran out to your car before calling spencer, tears already streaming down your face as you locked your car door.

"spencer reid," he answered the phone.

"spence?" you sniffled, wiping your nose.

"y/n? what is it? what happened?" he rose from his spot on his couch, shutting his book worriedly.

"i just... the date it - i need you, spencer," you cried out once more.

"do you need me to pick you up or are you alright to drive to my place?"

"i-i can drive," you replied as you wiped your tears.

"alright," he said. "i'll be waiting. should i stay on the phone with you as you drive? you could put me on speaker?"

"yea-yes, please," you answered before putting the phone on speaker.

you drove there as he read his book to you. his voice calmed you down a bit... only a little bit. not as much as his touch would. so, you sped there as fast you could without getting pulled over.

once you knocked on his door it opened in a matter of milliseconds. spencer's arms went around your waist as yours went around his neck, pulling him even closer to your body. your sobs rang through spencer's skin as he rubbed circles into your back, walking the two of you inside his apartment before he closed the door.

"what happened?" spencer asked as you curled into him whilst sitting on the couch.

"the guy wanted to see the scars," you sniffled. "when i got upset he saw them because my sleeves rolled up and well... the rest is history," you chuckled humorlessly.

"he really...?" spencer leaned back to look you in the eyes.

"yea... i know," you rolled you eyes.

"well whoever that guy is sucks. he doesn't deserve you," he twirled your hair in his fingers before continuing. "would you want to talk about it?"

"mm-mm," you shook your head. "not yet. i'm not ready."

and then it was more than abundantly clear. you might not ever be ready to tell him.

taglist:

@averyhotchner

@greenprisca

@muffin-cup

@spenxerslut

if you’d like to be added to the taglist, please don’t hesitate to message me or leave a comment!

[neo-culture-mafia]

Hi Princess (Aftermath)

First part

If he would have just told you. If he would have just told you what was going to happen, you could be prepared for this immense pain where you felt -- as if your stomach had been flipped upside down, and your emotions put into a bottle; shaken like a cocktail that was being served to the Devil himself.

As the video had come to a close, it was almost as if Mark was outside your front door...waiting. The door opened and you dropped everything: remote, blanket, and worry. You ran over and grabbed the older boy by the arms. "He's here. He's home, right?" You asked, panicked tears stinging your eyes.

He could only watch as you broke in his arms. "...y/n..." "He's here. He's coming up right now, isn't he?" You ask and slipped on your slippers to run down the hall to meet your boyfriend who pulled this terrible prank on you.

"Y/n. No. Stop it." Mark grabbed your waist and dragged you down to the hard and cold ground. "No. You stop. Get off of me." You wrestled with him. Your heart was going a million miles an hour and your head wasn't even yours, as it felt like you were floating on cloud 9.

Mark didn't get off though, he held onto you and kept you grounded to the floor. Yet you stopped struggling once someone else's arms were wrapped around your body.

"Calm down. It's okay." The soft words were familiar and comforting. It was all becoming real. He was gone...really gone...not coming back.

You broke down, holding your chest. Your hair was a mess as you gave up. You buried your face in the closest cloth you could find. You wheezed as you tried to catch your breath. Your head throbbed as you laid in someone's arms in the middle of the entry way to the once comforting home of you and Jaemin...now it was just your home.

Your eyes felt like they were bulging out of your head as you became dizzy from the lack of oxygen. You gripped onto the persons arm and didn't let go for a second. You couldn't even breath on your own anymore.

"Come. Back." You cried and screamed like a little baby. You heard murmurs behind you and realised people were here...yet you weren't moving for anything.

"Close the door." Mark said who was still sitting close to you. The door shut with a click.

"Please come back." You cried harder; coiling your body into yourself...trying to become non-existent.

This is it...this was how you were going to die...a broken heart...you were sure of it.

"Please." You begged, but he was never going to walk in the door again. You would never experience his touches anymore, or his kisses that were late at night when the moon held all of your guys' secrets, or the slow dances in the living room that ended in a long talk of the future for both of you...you had nothing.

You were hurt by the actions, but just felt an immense sense of guilt...if you just had told him you loved him one last time -- maybe he would have stayed. If you were more important -- he would have stuck around...if you would have shown him the pregnancy test sooner -- he would know that there's a little boy on the way.

You subconsciously held your stomach, and held on tighter to the person. You felt hands rubbing your back and realised the Junior Forces were here. They were family...and they would help...but it was all just too empty without Jaemin.

You were now rocking yourself in the arms of someone...someone who had comforted you enough to stop you crying in the moment. Hair was matted to your face and your face was blotchy with tears.

"...y/n..." You could hear Renjun whisper. But by looking at Marks reaction, everyone was telling him to shut up. You turned yourself around to look at the boys who sat close to you with their knees to their chest and arms holding them together, on the tiny block of hardwood -- meant for one to take their shoes off...but the Junior Forces were using it as a final family holding...building everyone stronger for the inevitable struggle that was coming.

You looked at the boys, and focused on Renjun. You nodded slightly, and he saw you and broke himself. His chest shook a little as he puffed out his cheeks and breathed. He couldn't make eye contact as he could only stare at his hands infront of him.

"He-..." he trailed off, shaking his head as if it would shake reality from his mind. "He gave me this to give to you." He finally got out and opened his pocket. He grabbed the small item and placed it in my hand.

I turned my hand over, looking in my palm.

The cool metal of your shared engagement rings ironically burned your skin. You could only nod, acknowledging it's presence. "Thank you." You nodded, giving a weak smile and setting it next to the key dish on the entry table.

You took another look at the boys and they looked disturbed.

"...y/n..." Jisung breathed. You hummed and he looked down to his knees that were near his chest. "I-" he began but was caught off with the hiccup bubbling from his chest.

He got angry a little, and gripped his knee a little too roughly. "It. Hurts." He said and you knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Alot." He choked out. He sniffles and you couldn't miss the single tear rolling down his cheek. "Jisung..." you called, setting your hand on top of his comfortingly.

"It's okay..." You breathed, reassuring him. His lip quivered as his eyes met yours. Your eyes became warm too, but you needed to be the rock in this moment.

"Its okay to cry, Jisung." You said and his face was lost in his knees as he wept loudly. Some of the boys looked at him in confusion...and some in envy.

Chenle broke...then Hyuck...Mark was a whimpering mess in the opposite corner. You turned towards the person who still held onto you, and held you when everything went wrong in the first place...Jeno. Renjun was getting closer to both of you.

"I'm so...sorry..." Jeno spoke in broken sentences. He looked at you with tears in his eyes and a heavy heart making a home in his chest. You held his face. "There is nothing. Nothing, to be sorry for." You said and he could only clench his teeth and crack his knuckle to stop from bursting into tears.

"He did this himself." You spoke, some tears falling down your own face. "He did this for us...all of us..." You reassured Jaemin's best friends.

Renjun was scratching his skin...trying to stop the flowing of tears. He tried to stay strong...but he had been strong for too long.

"Renjun." You spoke softly. "I'm fine." He said and you rolled your eyes at his stubbornness, you set a hand on his arm. He quickly pushed it off. "I said: I'm-" "Renjun." You sternly said and regripped his arm. Be finally looked you in the eyes and you couldn't explain the hurt you saw in his eyes.

"You don't have to be so strong all the time." The words made his shoulder drop with the weight of reality.

"He's...he's really...not coming back?" He cleared his throat, shaking his head again. You grabbed his hand more comfortingly.

"It's okay...renjun...to be sad..." Jeno said in short sentences, rubbing his wet eyes. "Its okay..." He tried continuing. He turned his head to the sky to make sure his tears didn't fall.

"Its okay...to cry..." Jeno said and the pain was evident in his voice. He was dealing with the death of his best friend, but also telling himself to let his guard down which was hard and not easy.

You patted Jeno's shoulder and held Renjun's hand. Yet Renjun's grip overpowered yours as the silent sobs raked through his body.

He tried to muffle his heartbreak with his hand...but it wasn't working. You dropped your hands and pulled his face into your shoulder. He gripped onto your waist, throwing his head into your shoulder. You held him as his body shook with each violent sob that was thrown from his gut.

Eventually everyone now huddled around you both. They laid into each other and released their pain and heart break.

Yet you knew...Jaemin was here. He was everywhere. He was here comforting the hurt group...but also in the base where he looked over the other members. He was with Doyoung who was downing his 5th bottle of beer; with Jungwoo who was crying silently into his pillow; with Johnny who had been staring at a blank wall since the time of detonation; with Jaehyun who was clearing the matches and lighter from his work box, opting to hang them above his work station; and with Taeyong...who sat alone in his office, crying, wishing he volunteered to go instead of him. Jaemin volunteered, he couldn't say no...Jaemin wouldn't let him.

"It's okay." You told all the boys, a few stray tears running down your cheeks. You didn't know if you were telling them it was okay, or you were trying to convince yourself that it would be okay.

You sniffled, rubbing someone's back who still shook with cries.

"It's okay."

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

4. Patience

Erik passed his hand by the sensor overhead light overhead so that it'd shine on Ivy's face while he returned to the silver cart to grab his loupe glasses, putting them on. In the mean time, he set up his Tobii video-based eye tracker. If he'd used a pupilometer, she wouldn't be able to see anything because her sight trajectory would be blocked by the device.

"You're a very attractive girl. The naked eye wouldn't do you justice, that's why I'm using these," he tapped the lens next to the protruding binoculars attached on the glasses. "Let's see these pretty eyes up close."

Between the lights and the glasses set to 2.5 magnification, he used his bare fingers again to stretch her left eyelids wide, keeping her from blinking as he examined her eye.

The iris had a warm psychedelic pattern, the outer ring a strong steel grey, contrasting against the white of her sclera. Inside, a bed of mossy soft green was tie-dyed with bronze. The two colors danced until a burst of black rays shot from the black hole that was the pupil.. like a black sun. Her eye was essentially a sunflower in the grass set against a sky of white. That's what it looked like. He released her lids allowing her to blink as he focused the eye tracker he'd already set up to record the precise movements of her pupils.

"Don't talk or move your head now, or else I'll.." he paused, "you know what? Just don't do it."

Once he was satisfied with the machinery and all of its attachments (that he'd had his assistant Draya assemble for him while Ivy was knocked out), he focused his attention on Ivy.

"The eyes," he gestured to his own, "truly are the windows to the soul."

The bulky and ugly device which sent information directly to the computer into a software program for graphing and analysis would reveal to him all of her thoughts and it would do it by measuring the movement and dilation of her pupils.

He waited a few moments allowing it to get a baseline measurement for comparison as Ivy kept herself still.

"Hm. You ever think about putting a needle through your pupil," he murmured keeping his voice low and calm. "I'd put it right through the center."

Her pupil enlarged visibly and he grinned watching them through his loupes.

"I'm kidding, I don't plan to mess with your eyes. That would be crazy."

He watched the data on the computer screen. Her eyes were so responsive. He could see the difference in her reaction between the two prompts he'd given.

"You really don't like talk about things going into your eyes. You'd like me to leave your eyes alone. Unfortunately for you.. I do what I want."

The new data aligned with that of the first prompt. This was her fear response. The other was a bit closer to pleasure, though it was still fear. He needed to explore the pleasure response a bit more for accuracy. He sighed.

"Kidding. You don't want me to do that.. I don't have to. There are plenty of other things. For example..," he leaned in close and noticed her pupils dilating again, "..I could count how many licks it take to make you melt like ice cream on this beautiful summer day."

Those pupils told him everything.

He checked the monitor. Despite her fear response, she was still attracted to him and experiencing pleasure. He removed the loupe glasses. He could still see her pupils clearly since he was close, and they were in the way of his eye contact.

"Look at me. Look close." He guided her attention to his face bringing his index between his own eyes, watching her eyes settle on his. "That's insane," he laughed watching her pupils dilate. He checked the graph briefly. The sight of him now was aligning with pleasure and when he stuck out his tongue, flattening it before flicking the air and showing her how full and long it was, the data went closer to the side of pleasure. These were her thoughts, though she was still very afraid.

He decided to switch tracks.

"You like... watching porn a lot, I know. You like asses... lesbians... deep penetration with big dicks... and you looove rough sex. If it's not that soft shit, it's that rough shit," he chuckled thinking back to her the data he'd purchased which included info about her browser history. He'd seen some interesting video titles that caused him to look them up himself to see what she saw in them that may have turned her on.

"Tell me, do you imagine that it's you when you see girls swallowing dick as big as their forearms? Do you cum imagining that it's you being fucked with your head in the mattress? Is that what you want.. to be treated like that?"

She didn't speak though he'd waited for her response and he was almost annoyed until he remembered, he'd told her not to.

"Good girl," he whispered looking to the data. Fear and pleasure.

"I know the niggas you keep ain't hitting it right," he frowned watching the reaction of her eyes. He'd purchased access to her contacts, photos, and messages through one of her phone apps. Privacy really wasn't shit.

"They don't do it like your favorite videos. They don't talk to you the way you imagine when you got your fingers knuckle deep. Mm nah, there's something missing. Dedication."

He didn't even need the data at this point. She was an open book with no words or gestures necessary.

She wanted to be freed. She wanted to escape. She wanted to fuck. She was confused and afraid.

He didn't even need to see her eyes anymore. He turned off the machinery and moved all  of the pieces out of the way returning the loupes to the cart with a metallic sounding drop.

"Your eyes are beautiful. I bet that's why your folks named you Ivy. Not clever, but still cute.. just like you and guess what?"

He rounded the chair to her right side again to whisper in her ear ignoring her hard cringe, "I'm so fuckin excited to finally have you here."

Pulling back he grinned, humoured by her wide eyed expression.

---

Ivy was breathless and confused, completely unsure of the dentist's intentions. What was his goal? Why was he doing this? What did he want? She wondered if she should risk speaking. She wanted to know what he had planned. What the hell was he doing?

"Patience, Little Ivy. I might think you're in a hurry to get away from me," he smirked, eye contact strong. The silver in his mouth glinted slightly, drawing her attention. She acted like she didn't see it, not wanting to give him anything else to go on.

"Aren't we having fun?" He stroked her cheek and she fought the strong urge to turn away, her lids dropping as she assessed the pressure of his fingers trying to guess his intent. Would he hit her? She braced herself, preparing for it.

"I haven't hurt you yet have I?"

"You did, you put wasabi in my mouth and it burned!" She spoke before she could think. At first, she was scared that she'd made a fatal mistake, but then she said fuck it.

His chin met his chest as his shoulders bounced. His locs shook lightly with his head. He looked up and shook a few of the dangling locs from his eyes focusing on hers, black eye to green. Her focus dropped to his lips again and he leaned in, putting his arm over her so that he practically hovered above. Her attention snapped back to his dark eyes lit with mischief.

"If you think that was pain, you have a big surprise coming," he whispered. "..Little Ivy."

He kissed her lips lightly and she didn't breathe the time that their lips were together, nor did she close her eyes. She watched him, remaining alert. She didn't trust him at all. His hand rested on her cheek sliding up to rub through her twists.

Apparently, he'd grabbed a handful because he pulled and her mouth popped open in protest while he used the opening in her defenses to slip his tongue in her mouth deepening the kiss.

Despite the fact that Dr. Stevens was a sociopath, he definitely knew how to kiss and though Ivy had fought it, she felt herself getting swept away. Her eyes fluttered shut before opening again. His head moved to the side and his eyes were closed. When his kiss grew more aggressive, hesitantly, she closed her eyes.

His coarse and heavy right hand joined his left sweeping gently from her hair, down the sides of her face and her neck to her collarbone. She was breathing hard and fast, squirming in the seat. She couldn't help herself. Everything about it seemed wrong, but in the moment...

When he sucked her tongue into his mouth, it came with a moan that surprised and horrified her. It had just.. happened. Somehow she'd allowed herself to be turned on and now he knew she was turned on.

His fingers were traveling to the base of her throat and wrapping around. The pressure slight and his devilish lips never left her, his tongue in a deep match against hers. She could feel his grip on her neck tighten just a little and when he pulled back, he took her bottom lip with him between his teeth, releasing it.

Again, he squeezed the sides of her neck, applying pressure until she felt light-headed. Her pussy was wet, she could feel it. Again, he released her.

"This one of your kinks, you might as well enjoy it. Look at me. I wanna see your eyes when I choke you."

He knew. Of course he knew. Her knees pressed together lightly. She couldn't afford to lose control of herself. She had to remain aware and search for any opportunity of escape.

---

Again, he squeezed enjoying her beautiful and powerless green eyes and her small gasps of pleasure. He released her and watched as she gulped, her chest rising and falling with her breath.

"I find it so interesting that you can be vulnerable like this with your life in my hands. It's almost like.. you're so much of a slut, you can't control yourself. You can't, can you? Your pussy wet right now.. ain't it?"

He knew it was, however, he didn't plan to take care of that. Not yet. He could see in her eyes that not only would she allow it.. she wanted and craved it. It was very possible that she herself was crazy.

It was very, very interesting.

"Patience," he whispered.

@honey-poooh @missshae @raysunshine78 @destinio1 @marvelmaree @honeytoffee @thickemadame @heykillmongerluhme @ghostfacekill-monger @killmongersmistress

[lovato-demid]

And Babies Make 4 (April 7) | Remi

Rian: Over the course of the last week, Rian had spent more time doing live streams and video chats than ever before. It had been a tough decision to not do any kind of promo tour, or plan an actual tour for the new album that they had just released, but he knew with Demi so very pregnant and they babies supposed to be here any day now, he wouldn't want to be anywhere but here with her. He had spent the morning outside washing the truck and just now headed back inside to grab something to drink. "Babe? I was thinking we could order in dinner tonight, what do you say?" he called from the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and uncapping it to take a sip.

Demi: Demi was so over being pregnant. She was uncomfortable all the time, she couldn't see her feet anymore, and was starting to get massive cramps. She heard Rian talking to her from the kitchen, and managed to get herself off the couch so she didn't have to yell. As she walked into the kitchen, another cramp hit and she felt a rush of water fall at her feet. "Um...babe?" she said calmly as she walked into the kitchen. "I think we need to order dinner at the hospital. I'm pretty sure my water just broke and the cramps I've been feeling all day are contractions." Another cramp hit, this one much stronger than any of the others. She grabbed onto the door frame and yelled out in pain.

Rian: Rian was one-handedly closing the fridge when Demi almost waddled into the kitchen. "Why would we have dinner at the hospi- oh." The realization of what she was actually saying took a second to sink in, and then Rian's eyes widened. "Holy shit," he cursed, putting the bottle of water on the counter before even taking a sip. The babies were coming... He tried to stay calm, but on the inside he was freaking out a little. He had struggled to picture this day, always kind of seeming unreal to him, but now here he was grabbing the bag that they had prepared in the bedroom. On his way back to Demi he almost stumbled over the dogs as he texted Alex to let him know and ask him to care for the dogs. "Alright, Alex will be coming over here later to feed the dogs, now uh.. come on, babe." Rian wrapped an arm around her in a desperate attempt to sooth her in any way as he lead her out to the car.

Demi: Demi watched as the reality of what was happening, hit Rian. Their babies were coming, and Demi was both excited and absolutely terrified. She managed to sit in one of the chairs at the table while Rian ran to ge their go back. She started laughing when he nearly tripped over the dogs. "Baby. Breath." she chuckled. She managed to get back up and let Rian help her out to the car. "We may want to put a towel on the seat. My pants are wet." she suggested, knowing he had just washed the truck.

Rian: Rian paused to take a breath, but he couldn't stop his nerves from pushing him to go. "Towel, yes." He hurried back inside to grab one and cover the seat with it before helping Demi in. On his way around to the drivers seat, the drummer took anoter deep breath. "Alright, let's uh.. get you to the hospital." He reached over to take her hand and give it a squeeze, before looking back and backing out of the driveway and onto the road.

Demi: It was kind of cute, how nervous Rian was. As soon as they were both in the car, she smiled as Rian took her hand. His hand was practically shaking in hers which made her chuckle. "Babe. It's gonna be okay. Look at me, I'm fine. It's just contractions." she said, trying to ease his nerves. "I'm going to text our mom's, and Selena." Another contractions washed over her but she didn't want to spook Rian while he was driving so she focused on her breathing and did her best to not let him know she was in pain.

Rian: It was almost ridiculous thinking about it, how Demi tried to calm him down while she was the one in actual pain and not just battling the nerves. "Okay, yes," Rian said with a nod. He reached over while he was driving, resting his hand on her knee momentarily before taking her hand again. "We're almost there," he murmured. He was probably speeding a little bit, they made it to the hospital quickly, and alright. "This is really happening," Rian muttered, more to himself once they were inside the building.

Demi: Demi texted both their moms and Selena letting them all know they were on the way to the hospital. She had called her doctor when she was waiting for Rian to get the go bag, so she was at the hospital, waiting for them when they arrived. "How far apart AR the contractions?" the doctor asked as Demi got into the waiting wheelchair. "About ten minnnUTESSSS." Demi answered as another contraction hit. "MOTHER FUCKER THIS HURTS!"

Rian: Rian almost jumped a little when Demi yelled out in pain, and he moved beside her to place a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, babe," he murmured. He was feeling a little guilty now, especially since he couldn't exactly do anything to take the pain away. Reaching for her hand, Rian offered his for her to squeeze.

Demi: "Remember your breathing, Demi." the doctor reminded her as she wheeled the expecting mother down the hall. A nurse was waiting for them in the room and helped Demi out of the chair. "Why don't you get changed into a gown and then we'll see where you're at." the doctor told her before stepping out of the room. "Just crack the door open when you're ready. My name is Annie. Please let me know if you need anything." the nurse said with a big smile. "Thanks Annie." Demi said as she started taking off her jacket. Once they were alone in the room, Demi turned to Rian who looked like a deer caught in the headlights. She pulled he shirt off and stood in front of him. "Babe...unhook this Damn bra and help me get my pants pants off." she told him calmly. As soon as she was undressed, and had the hospital gown on, she had Rian help her up onto the bed before cracking the door open. The nurse came in almost immediately and brought Demi a warm blanket. "The doctor will be right in." Annie said with a soft smile. She set up a tray of instruments and set the off to the side. "All set?" the doctor asked as she walked into the room? "Let's see how far we are." She put on a pair of gloves as she walked over to Demi. "Why don't you slide down, knees bent and open. I'm going to check your cervix." Demi slid down on the table as best as she could. "That's great. Drop your knees open if you can." the doctor said, placing a hand gently on Demi's knee. "Perfect. Let's see...that's good. Great momma. You can relax now." she smiled. "You're at four centimeters right now so we still have a bit to go. Annie here is going to get you hooked up to some monitors and I'll have the anesthesiologist come in and give you an epideral." she smiled.

Rian: Rian was overwhelmed, and that was putting it lightly. He just followed behind as Demi was wheeled into a room, and he saw the almost amused look she gave him. When she asked him to help her undressed, he was glad to have something to do. He walked over, helped her undress and put the gown on and then made sure she could lay down on the bed safely. When the nurse, and then the doctor came in, he lingered close, resting his hand on Demi's are to reassure her and make sure she knew he was right by her side.

Demi: Having someone with their hands all up in her hoo-ha was super uncomfortable. The pressure in her stomach was intense. Another contraction hit as the nurse started putting the monitors on her. Demi screamed and squeezed Rian's hand as she tried to do her breathing. She could swear they were getting more and more painful. She didn't know if she could do this. She didn't know if she was going to be strong enough to deliver two babies. "You did so good." Annie smiled down at her as she finished putting the monitors on Demi. "You're already a pro." she laughed. "Now this monitor here," she said, pointing to a machine that showed two different numbers, "is showing the heart rates for both babies. And this one over here is going to monitor your contractions. Once you get the epidural, you won't feel them anymore and we need to be able to tell how far apart they are." she explained. "If you see here, it looks like you've got another one coming on. Hmm...five minutes apart now. That's good." Annie told her as another contraction hit. "OW, OW, OW, OW...FUCK...." Demi cried out. "You're almost there Demi." Annie said as she watched the monitor. People had told her it would hurt, but she always thought they were just exaggerating for effect.

Rian: Rian watched curiously as the nurse hooked Demi up to the machines, and he didn't let out a sound when Demi squeezed his hand. He was freaking out just at the thought of what his girlfriend was going through, and he cringed a little as her hand squeezed his tighter. "Babe," he said. "You're doing so good baby, I'm here, I'm so proud of you," he murmured, trying his best to be encouraging. "And I mean, I guess I understand if you hate me right now.." he chuckled lightly.

Demi: "I don't hate you, but that might change later." she said through gritted teeth as the contraction started to fade. Her contractions started to come closer together, and after 45 minutes of contractions ever five minutes, the anesthesiologist finally arrived to give her and epidural. "Oh thank god." she said when the doctor walked into the room. She had been concerned about getting an epidural, afraid it might make her backslide in her sobriety but she talked to her sponsor and her doctor about it, and they all guaranteed her it was safe. Once the epidural was done, Demi was able to lay back and relax a little. Annie had come back into the room to check on her. "Looks like that epidural is working." she smiled, motioning to the contraction monitor. "Holy shit. I don't feel a thing right now." Demi laughed. "That's good." Annie said. "Now you rest up. You're going to need all the energy you can muster for when those little babies decide it's time to meet you."

Rian: Rian felt like he was in some kind of trance. He was trying to focus on everything that was going on, but really he couldn't say much or do anything but be there, and make sure Demi knew just that. He had managed to get a chair to sit beside her and let her hold on to and squeeze his hand tightly. He knew she had been hesitant to get an epidural, but since everyone assured her it was safe, she did get it, and Rian thought he saw her visibly relax. "I can't fucking wait until thery're here now," he chuckled lightly, running his thumb over the back of Demi's hand encouragingly.

Demi: When they finally had the room to themselves, Demi looked over at Rian. "Me too babe. I'll just be happy to not have them kicking me at night anymore." she chuckled. She could see how stressed out he was. She leaned her head back and smiled at him. "Baby, why don't you take a break and go find some cold brew. Call Alex and update him." she suggested.

Rian: "Why, you're not enjoying their kicks?" Rian chuckled lightly. He considered her suggestion and let out a breath he hadn't really been aware of holding. "Are you sure? I don't wanna just.. leave you here. You can't really take a break either." He looked at her, concerned, questioningly. "I'll be quick. Just give Alex a quick call and get some coffee."

Demi: "My bladder is not a soccer ball." she laughed. "I'm sure babe. I have a feeling things are going to get worse, so why don't you take the break why you can." she smiled. "I'll be fine. Tell Alex hi for me. And maybe find Annie and find out if I can have some water or something." she suggested.

Rian: "Alright," Rian said. He leaned down to steal a kiss from her lips. "I'll tell him hi and see if I can bring you water." He offered a smile before reluctantly leaving the room. He found coffee, no cold brew, but he settled for it anyway because it was better than nothing. Alex immediately picked up the phone when Rian called him, as if he had been waiting for him to finally call and he quickly filled his best friend in on what was going on. Annie wasn't hard to find thankfully and she told the drummer where to get water. He carried both, water and coffee into the room when he returned to Demi. "Did not find any cold brew, but I got coffee. And water for you."

Demi: Demi managed to close her eyes for a bit while Rian was out of the room. Her doctor came in to check her and said she had progressed to 8 centimeters so it would be anytime now. "Thanks baby." she smiled as Rian walked back into the room. "How's Alex?" She sat up a but and took a sip of the water her brought to her. "The doctor said it should be any time now." she told him.

Rian: Rian took his seat by the bed again and sipped on his coffee. "He's good. Almost jumped through the phone thinking I was gonna tell him you had the babies," he chuckled lightly. "He's saying hi back, by the way." When Demi mentioned what the doctor said, his eyes widen a little. "For real? How are you.. so chill?" He finished his coffee and put the empty cup away, then ran his hand through his hair. "This is nerve-wrecking."

Demi: "I think he may be more excited that we are." she laughed. "Baby, I am far from chill. I am absolutely terrified. I have to squeeze two watermelons out of an opening the size of a lemon. But it's not like I turn back now." she chuckled nervously.

Rian: "He probably is," Rian chuckled. Her words caused him to grimace slightly and he shook the images from his mind. "You look way more chill than I feel, I'll give you that," he admitted. He reached over to take her hand and give it a gentle squeeze. "You'll do just fine baby, I know you can do it. And I'm right here with you."

Demi: A few hours later, the epidural started wearing off and the doctor said it was time. Demi's eyes got big as she started to feel the contractions hit. It felt like they were coming right on top of each other. Annie pulled out the stirrups and had Demi slide down on the table. The doctor came in, fully gowned up and smiled at Demi. "You ready mama? On the next contraction, I want you to push." The next contraction, Demi pushed as hard as she could. The doctor counted to ten and told Demi to relax. "Okay, let's go again. You can do it." After ten minutes of pushing, Demi was exhausted. "One more Demi. The head is out, we just need to get his shoulders and he'll be here. You can do it." the doctor said. "I can't. I'm too tired." Demi cried. "I can't do anymore."

Rian: The waiting was rough. Rian had never felt this impatient about anything in his life before. He was thankful Demi seemed overall relaxed until the epidural started to wear off. He reached for her hand, encouraging her as she started to push. He felt like passing out at how stressful the situation was, he was exhausted just by being a part of this. It was impossible to imagine how Demi must've been feeling. "You can do it, baby. I know you can," he told her, stroking her hand with his thumb while she wasn't squeezing it tight.

Demi: With tears running down her face, Demi looked over at Rian. "I can't do this." she sobbed. "I just need one more push and he'll be here Demi." the doctor said. "You can do this." Demi looked at Rian for reassurance then shook her head. "One more?" she asked weakly. "One more." assured the doctor. "Okay." She braced herself for one more push and pushed with everything she had left in her. She felt a wave of relief and suddenly the musical sounds of a baby crying filled her ears. The next thing she knew, she heard the doctors talking between each other. 'Okay Demi. The second baby's heart rate dropped. We need to get you prepped for an emergency c-section. We can't risk having it drop more during delivery."

Rian: "You can, you're strong as fuck," Rian told her with an encouraging smile. He held onto her hand, letting her squeeze it as hard as she needed to. He murmured encouraging words as she pushed. When a new set of lungs filled the room, it seemed like time was stopping for a moment. "Holy shit," he murmured under his breath, staring at the baby the doctor was holding. He was still trying to wrap her hand around the fact that there was a crying human baby in the world right now when someone said 'c-section'. "A what now?" he said, eyes widening.

Demi: Before Demi could say a word, the sides of her bed were being raised and she was being pushed towards the door. "A C-section." the doctor said again. "We gotta get this baby out right now. I'm sorry, we don't have time to waste." the doctor assured Rian. "Rian?" Demi cried, terrified she was about to lose a baby. "Rian, stay with Noah. Don't leave Noah!" she called out as she was pushed out the door. "We don't have time to give you a spinal block, so we're going to have to put you out." the doctor said as Demi was wheeled into a freezing cold operating room. The anesthesiologist who had done her epidural earlier in the day was putting a mask over her face and telling her to breath deep. Ten minutes after rushing out of the room, the doctor went back and told Rian he had another beautiful baby boy and that Demi was doing fine and was in recovery. "The baby will have to stay in the NICU until we can do some tests, but everything is looking good." the doctor assured him.

Rian: Everything happened so quickly. Rian had barely processed the first baby actually brought into the world, when the doctors were taking Demi away, out of the room. He promised her to stay put and he did, in awe of the new baby, and yet worried sick about what was going to happen. "Thank god," he let out a breath as soon as the doctor told him the baby was fine. "Can I go see him? And Demi?" he questioned. He didn't want to leave Noah's side, but he was dying to see his other son, and share this moment of pure bliss with his girlfriend.

Demi: "Not just yet." the doctor told him. "We've got to monitor him for just a bit. As soon as his stats are good, we'll bring him down to meet his mommy and daddy." she smiled. Demi is just waking up from surgery. She'll be brought to the room shortly. I'll check back in and let you know if anything changes. Congratulations dad." she said, putting her hand out to shake Rian's.

Rian: Rian nodded slowly. "Alright," he said. He couldn't wait to meet him, and for Demi to return soon. He took the doctor's hand and smiled, a goofy grin that spread on his lips as he registered what she had just said. A dad. Not a future father, soon to be dad.. he was really a dad now. "Thank you." He was smiling ear to ear when Demi finally was brought back into the room. Noah was wrapped in a blanket and he was holding him cradled in his arms. "Say, hi mommy," he said softly, walking over to the bed with the little baby boy.

Demi: By the time Demi was brought back to her room, her boys were already an hour old. She was exhausted, and she hurt, but most of all, she was sad that she didn't get the chance to hold her boys yet. Annie had stayed with her in recovery and assured her that both babies were doing well and that she'd get to see them real soon. Still groggy as she was pushed into the room, she had her eyes closed until she heard Rian's voice. "Hi" she said weakly, trying to sit up. Her eyes landed on the baby in Rian's arms, and tears hit her eyes. "Noah?" she asked, looking at the baby. "Is he perfect?" she asked

Rian: Rian had lost all sense of time while he waited with Noah. He was dying to see Nash, even though the doctor said he was alright, he wanted to make sure of it himself. And he hated that he couldn't share this moment with Demi. He smiled when she was finally brought back in, and he immediately found the way over to the bed. He didn't wanna let go of his son, he could hold him for hours, for days. But he knew Demi must be dying to hold him too. "He's absolutely perfect, yes. Here," the drummer said softly, shifting the baby carefully in his arm to then rest him in Demi's and on her chest. Rian bit his lip, smiling widely as he looked at them.

Demi: The second her son was placed on her chest, Demi felt herself start to cry. He was so tiny and perfect. "Hi baby boy." she sniffed. "I'm your momma." She covered his small head with kisses. "I'm the one you and your brother have been kicking for the last 8 months." she chuckled. After what seemed like forever, Annie came into the room, pushing a bassinet. "Well hello there mommy and daddy. Someone here is very anxious to get to meet you both." she smiled, picking Nash up out of the bassinet. "Is he okay?" Demi asked quickly, her heart stopping for a moment. "He's absolutely perfect." Annie assured them before laying Nash on Demi's chest next to his brother. "I'll let you four get to know each other." she chuckled. "Congratulations again." Demi sobbed, finally being able to hold both her babies.

Rian: Rian was overwhelmed by the love he felt in that moment, and he had no clue just yet that he'd feel like bursting the moment Annie would bring in Nash. Rian crouched down beside the bed so he could be on the same level as Demi and the little baby boy that was now resting securely on her chest. "You did so good, baby" The drummer said and for a brief moment he focused his attention on Demi, stealing a kiss from her lips before looking back at the baby boy. A sudden relief surged through him when Annie finally brought in their other baby boy and said he was perfectly okay. He swallowed hard, a proud grin spreading on his lips as he finally looked at his girlfriend holding their two perfect baby boys. "Holy shit, this is amazing," he chuckled, reaching over to take Demi's hand and giving it a loving squeeze.

[wearetakingthehobbitstogallifrey]

MONICA YOU LOVED MANIC TOO??!?!? I'm overjoyed because I've only spoken to one (1) other person who really loved it & I feel so relieved, somehow, that you love it since you're the BEST OF US and what YOU love always gets right to the heart of a thing or a story. ANYWAY. Finally // and I Hate Everybody are my absolute favorites, and don't you think this album is like Ashley's version of Lover??? it's her most honest, and maybe lowest but also sweetest and steadiest album. I'M IN LOVE

YES YES YES YES YES I AM SOOO EXCITED YOU LOVE IT WILL YOU BE MY MANIC BUDDY *SINGS IT’S NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND WHO LOVES HALSEY*

also thank you sincerely and seriously so much for the glowing shoutout

#WONDER WOMAN SPEAKS MY HEART AND ALSO THIS IS SURPRISINGLY (?) RELEVANT TO THE ONCOMING STORM OF AN ESSAY

before I go any further I want to inform you I am drinking hot chocolate and Bailey’s out of my Batman/Catwoman mug and I still have Christmas lights up. This is not relevant to the following essay but I just thought you should know

I should start the essay shouldn’t I

First of all, I LOVE what you say about this being Ashley’s version of Lover. Both are a...finding of self, more or less complete. This isn’t to say that Taylor’s journey is over—she still has a lot of life and song left to fight through and to enjoy—but by the last words of “Daylight,” it seems to me that through all her struggles, she has finally discovered how to be gentle with herself and how to light her world.

I want to be defined by the things I love,

Not the things I hate

Not the things I am afraid of, I’m afraid of,

The things that haunt me in the middle of the

night, I

I just think that you are what you love.

In Lover, through Lover, by Lover, Taylor is whole again in her soul, and being thus whole and free, her future is quietly hopeful—even in the reality of the sorrowful “Soon You’ll Get Better” (which I still cannot listen to because it wounds my heart). I cannot imagine what she will do next, for she has the most expansive possibilities ahead of her.

Going back to Ashley, or Halsey, well, I can say nothing so clear about Manic other than that it aches. It aches because the whole thing is a confession. It is a spilling out of herself, all her hurts and frustrations and failures and most importantly the confusion of it all that lasts till this day and may last many more. Somehow, somewhere, in all this mess, I feel that by the end of the album, Ashley has found a grain of peace. She is still searching, still longing for things she maybe doesn’t even understand, but she understands herself, and, I hope, understands in a small way that it is okay to be in a state of longing and aching and messing up and trying again.

I’m sleepy so I’m not sure I am being coherent or cohesive, forgive me. I’m just going to say a few things about my favorite songs!

“Ashley.” So this wasn’t the first song I listened to, because of the singles released earlier. But how powerful is it that Halsey opens up with her name? There is nothing I like better than an album that tells a story (surprise!) and the instant I saw the track listing, I was shook.

Seems like now it's impossible to work this outI'm so committed to an old ghost townIs it really that strange if I always wanna change?And if only the time and space between us wasn't lonelyI'd disintegrate into a thousand piecesI think I'm making a mistakeBut if I decide to break, who will fill the empty space?

This verse—I don’t know if it is just where I am in my own life, but really, who hasn’t felt this strange rending of desires in some capacity. Cling to the past? Leap toward the unknown? I want to live near my parents forever, and see my mom every Sunday like I have for years now. I want to live in a foreign country, or even out near my old college, or heck even live in a city for year or six months, just because it would be an Experience. (Couldn’t live there indefinitely, not this girl who loves endless trees and hills and warm summer night country roads and rustling corn.)

How do we know what to do? How do we decide? What if we get left alone, with no one to comfort and support us? What if we cannot handle the consequences of our choices?

Apart from my beating heartIt's a muscle but it's still not strong enoughTo carry the weight of the choices I've madeI told you I'd ride this outIt's getting harder every day somehowI'm bursting out of myself

LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT IT! I DARE YOU TO SAY THIS IS NOT A UNIVERSAL EMOTION. THIS IS WHAT THE ALBUM WILL BE ABOUT SO IF YOU CANNOT OPEN YOUR HEART AND BE PREPARED TO FEEL EMPATHY AND COMPASSION FOR THE YOUNG WOMAN WHO IS ABOUT TO SPILL HER GUTS TO YOU THEN GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

Ahem, I’m sorry, please stay, I don’t actually want you to go. Just sit down and I’ll give you your own hot chocolate. But listen. Ashley is, before anything, a human being. Therefore, she is going to mess up, just the same as any of us, maybe more, maybe less, but that is never going to take away a speck of her intrinsic worth, or the way that God loves her. Her struggles will not obliterate her humanity, but if I ignore her sorrows, her need for something more, her brilliance and strength and longing to love, then I would nigh obliterate my own.

Also, can I just say she has gone through some REALLY hard things in her life, things I couldn’t imagine, and for her to be where she is now—I just want the best for her. Do I agree with everything she does or believes? No. Is my life at all similar to hers? Not really. But I still feel a kinship with her, and it bleeds through in her music.

This is getting away from me isn’t it. I’m just trying to say that Manic struck a chord in my heart that has been reverberating ever since I first perceived it.

Oh gosh it is 12:30, I have to be up at 6. I’m going to fly through a few other songs and then you can message me about the rest or something 😊

“Clementine” has such color, doesn’t it? Also the line about her wondering what it’s like to be the blood in her veins—I love it!

“Graveyard” with the thing you love the most being the detriment—not going to lie, this is a story song for me, it fits into the Gold Rush Silmarillion AU I am co-authoring. Feanor and his own pride, Maedhros and half the people he loves, Fingon and Maedhros—the list could go on.

“You should be sad” and “More” gutted me because I had only just learned she has endometriosis, and has experienced a miscarriage before.

“Forever...(is a long time)”:

It's a nice surprise knowing six feet highWould reach and grab the moon if I should ask

Or just imply that I want you to be more lightSo I could look inside his eyesAnd get the colors just right

And

What am I thinking? What does this mean?How could somebody ever love me?

Self-doubt and questioning one’s ability to be loved ☹

“Without Me” gets stuck in my head and I LOVE IT I SING IT.

Found you when your heart was brokeI filled your cup until it overflowedTook it so far to keep you close (Keep you close)I was afraid to leave you on your own

 Is there anything more painful than giving all of yourself to someone, loving them so much that you do anything to help them heal—and then all they do is hurt you.

“Finally// beautiful stranger” I’m ashamed to say the first time I listened to it I wasn’t paying attention and so I was like eh it’s fine. THEN I LISTENED TO IT AGAIN. WHY IS THIS SONG HALSEY’S “ENCHANTED” (I can probably explain this, but just after I’ve had sleep)

“killing boys” there are a lot of things I could say about this song but the main thing I want to say is if there was a song that is ME regarding the sound of it only, it is this one. When she sings “you don’t need me anymore” and “I don’t need you anymore” OOH IT GETS ME IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL

Also

Told me pick my battles and be picking 'em wiseBut I wanna pick 'em all and I don't want to decideNo more, no more, anymore

THIS IS THAT TUMBLR THING  “MY MOM LIKES TO TELL ME ‘YOU HAVE TO PICK YOUR BATTLES’ WELL I’M FULL OF RAGE AND I’M PICKING ALL OF THEM”

ALSO ALSO GETTING INTO THE LYRICS THIS IS HER MOVING ON, THIS IS HER DECISIVELY SAYING NO THIS NOT RIGHT THIS IS HARMFUL TO ME I AM DONE. AND FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS EXPRESSED UNCERTAINTY AND DIFFICULTY MAKING DECISIONS, IT SO GOOD TO SEE HER MAKE A HEALTHY CHOICE FOR HERSELF

“Suga’s Interlude:” LOOK YOU LOVE BTS TOO SO I’M SURE YOU KNOW THE STORY OF HOW IT CAME TO BE AND YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT BTS AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH HALSEY BUT FOR THE SAKE OF THE READERS LET ME SUM UP

Halsey did a collaboration with BTS called “Boy with Luv” and it shook the charts and is wonderful and I love it. Not only did they create that song though, but she flew out to South Korea and learned the dance choreography so that she could sing and dance in the song’s music video. This was the beginning of a beautiful, cross-language, cross-cultural friendship that has involved friendship bracelets, churros, a personalized microphone, and mutual teasing.

Anyway, Halsey had been really impressed with BTS member Suga, saying “Yoongi is really introspective and has this really intelligent perspective on where we are and what we are doing in our unique lifestyles.” She also was moved by the hard work and sacrifices he (and his fellow band members) have made. Anyway, she asked Suga to write and sing a song with her. He was initially surprised, saying that he can’t rap in English. Halsey, gem that she is, was like bro, pls rap in Korean, that would be awesome. Pardon me for copying half the lyrics for this song but to me it is pivotal in Manic as a whole:

I’ve been trying all my lifeTo separate the timeIn between the having it allAnd giving it up, yeah...

Here is the conflict and strife that Halsey has dealt with all her life—there is fear of loss there, and also fear of what one has. The power it has over you. The way things might go wrong.

I believe your faith, efforts, beliefs, and greed,are not hideous...Although the dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest,Never forget that the stars that you wish for,can only rise within the dark...

Suga reminding himself, Halsey, and us to cling to hope, ragged and worn, even in the most difficult of times. Also—in the face of our insecurities and self-recrimination for the goals we set—he tell us that our deepest parts are valid

If I run endlessly towards the end of the tunnel,what will there beIt’s true, it’s honestly differentfrom the future that I had hoped forBut it doesn’t matter, now it’s a matter of living/survivingIt doesn’t matter what happenedYeah yeah it might bedifferent from the things that you expectedYour living and your loving might changeThat’s true That’s true That’s trueYeah so are you gonna moveWe’re still too youthful and young to hesitateLet’s face it (our lives)...

This, this verse is so important. Look back at the song “Ashley”, particularly the lines I already quoted. Indecision because the fear of what might be, of what failure could do, wrecking her worse than ever, with no one to help her. Indecision because of a nostalgia that might be bitter or softly sad, what was past was at least known. It was good perhaps, it was awful more likely. But it was gotten through. There is no guarantee that Halsey will be able to get through whatever the future holds. But Suga comes in here, having faced struggles similar at their core, and he embodies the Nike slogan. Just DO IT. Don’t hold yourself back. Don’t let yourself drown, stuck in sinking mud. Embrace the unknown. If you let fear hold you back, you are as good as dead. There will be no growth, no hope battling through the dark for something better. You have to MOVE! And maybe you were right, things will never be the same, or the way you want it to be, but MAYBE THE DIFFERENT WILL BE BETTER!!!

Anyway, this section really should have been its own essay, because I’m still not done with it. You may have noticed I have been calling them Halsey and Suga, and the song is indeed called “Suga’s Interlude” but this song is so deep and personal to them both, it feels wrong to use their stage names. This is Ashley speaking, this is Yoongi speaking. Halsey posted a cute, stick figure drawing as artwork for the song, and the two singers are pictured there—and named as Ashley and Yoongi. This song is not just a collaboration by two talented artists, this is a look into the souls of a woman and a man who’ve shed blood, sweat, and tears to become the people they are. This intimacy fits the whole theme of the album so well, I LITERALLY CANNOT

I am so sorry I will move on now. It is 2:00 am. I need to go to bed. I am not. I need to talk about 929.

Well first let me say that “Still Learning” is also super important to the theme of the album.

I know that I've done some wrongBut I'm trying to make it rightDid the one I love do me wrong?Give me up right now

I know that I love you but I'm still learningTo love myself (to love my, to love my, to love my)I'm still learning to love myself (to love my, to love my, to love my)

She has made confessions and declarations and sung her frustration, and now she is moving forward. The road may be long and hard, but she is moving forward. I had something else to say but I forgot it sorry.

And NOW

929!!!!

This song miiiiight be my favorite on the album, not sure. My heart trembles and I get chills listening to it, because the music and her voice are so gentle and soothing but the lyrics are essentially a list of moments that have been needles and knives to Ashley, all her fears revealed, that she wasn’t enough then and she isn’t enough now, that the girl with the pink hair lied when she said that everyone needed Ashley. It’s a soft confession, a stream of consciousness, so it was written and so I hear it. And in this moment, how can I not love her? How can I not cry for her, for me, for anyone and everyone who struggles with self-worth, with being wanted, with being loved, with loving, with forgiving self and others?Halsey is flawed, and I just want to give her extra love because of that.

But you know what? I think she is going to be ok.

This is where I want to go back and compare Manic to Lover. There is this knowledge of the self, a kind of peace with who one is. I don’t mean that either Taylor or Ashley have reached their pinnacle of self, but they see themselves a little more clearly, and are not suppressing that knowledge.

929 sounds like water gently pouring out of a pitcher into a basin, and water, properly placed, does not drown but gives life. There is hope by the end of this song, hope despite her difficult life, hope despite the fact that she was never even telling the truth about her time of birth. (That story could be a despairing one, the “I’m a fucking liar” could be the miniscule mistake that breaks her after all the rest of her mistakes, but instead...I don’t know she just sounds kind of amused, like even if she is disappointed or upset about it, there is still this “oh well, whatever, can’t believe that happened lol” to her voice and laughter. She knows who she is now, and there is a better woman she might be, but she is not angry with herself for being who she is, and she will move forward, letting go of her ghost towns and all her fears.

Let me end with a quote about 929: “I just start spilling all of my thoughts about myself and my fans and my family, and I admit so many faults and flaws all in one go. It’s forgiving, however, it ends with the acknowledgment that I am learning and growing, minute by minute.”

Ashley, like Taylor, is making a new start. They have both found a sort of daylight, and though there may always be shadows, I really really hope that they will know mostly sun, and spread it around for others.

ALSO I JUST REALIZED I COULD NOW BE SOMEONE’S MANIC PIXIE DREAMGIRL :D 

*Disclaimer: I AM SO FREAKING TIRED I AM GOING TO BED, THIS WHOLE THING IS ENTIRELY UNEDITED, ALSO I LEFT SOME SONGS OUT OOPS WELL TWO OF THEM I DON’T CARE FOR AS MUCH BUT I THINK I FORGOT 3 AM WHICH I DO  LIKE BUT I AM NOT GOING BACK TO WRITE ABOUT IT NOW. I APOLOGIZE FOR THE RAMBLING MESS AND LACK OF ELOQUENCE BUT HERE WE BE THIS IS WHAT YOU GET HOPE IT MADE YOU SMILE

[alj4890]

Chapter 41 Pandemonium

The Royal Romance Fan Fiction (Liam x MC*Riley) (Maxwell x OC*Amanda) (Drake x Olivia) (Hana x Rashad)

These characters are from the amazing writers of Pixelberry's Choices stories: The Royal Romance and Red Carpet Diaries. The only character of my own is Duchess Amanda Bridgerton of House St Orella.

Masterlist for The Other Friend TRR

Chapter 41 summary: Drake endures seeing Justin and Olivia together. Rashad requests Maxwell's help with Hana's ring. Hana and Rashad share their joy with the court.

Chapter 41

Rashad met Maxwell early the next morning downstairs in the lobby. He wanted a second opinion on the ring he was going to buy for Hana. For his previous engagement, he had used a family heirloom for an engagement ring. He did not want to do the same with Hana. She deserved something that was completely her own. No memories other than the ones they would make together should be a part of her ring.

"I really appreciate you going with me this morning. Amanda won't mind will she?"

Maxwell snorted. "Sorry, I forgot that you don't know her well enough. Mornings aren't her thing. My wife is still asleep. I'm not sure she even knows I'm gone."

Rashad grinned as he thought of finding out if Hana was a morning person or not. He did not know which he thought would be lovelier, her sleepy and confused or wide-eyed and ready to take on the world in the early morning light. He could not wait to find out.

Rashad and Maxwell were driven to one of the top jewelers in Shanghai. Due to the early morning hour, they had the entire shop to themselves. The jewler led them over to the section that housed the engagement rings and wedding bands. There were so many to choose from. Rashad felt overwhelmed.

"Maxwell, what type of ring did you give Amanda?"

Maxwell's eyes widened. "I...I did not get her an engagement ring. With everything that happened, I never had the chance."

Rashad grimaced. He had not meant to put him on the spot. He looked at the rings for a while, wondering what he should choose. There we're so many diamond ones, then there were others with different gem stones. Which one would be right for Hana? He wanted something that had meaning.

"Maxwell...I have no idea where to start."

Maxwell nodded in sympathy, now looking for one for Amanda. He knew what he wanted and found it right away. He asked the attendant to let him see it. Rashad looked at it and shook his head. "I don't think that's the one for Hana."

"It's perfect for Amanda."

"You're supposed to be helping me look for Hana!"

"I am! Especially now that I have found the one for Amanda. You have my complete attention."

Rashad glared at him for a moment. The nerve of some people. Here he was trying to find the perfect lady the perfect ring and he chooses a guy to help that is worried about his own wife. He should have asked Liam. Riley already had an engagement ring.

Maxwell looks at the case and then pulls put his phone. After a few quick searches, he hmms to himself. Rashad ran an agitated hand through his hair. Spit it out man! "Maxwell? What are you 'hmming' about?"

"I was double checking the meaning behind gemstones. I remembered how much Hana talked about the bouquet of flowers you brought her. She loved that you had put meaning behind it. I think if you picked a genstone with special meaning, she would love that more than a 10 karat diamond ring.

The man was brilliant! This was why he chose him to come help. Why would he pick anyone else? He was so glad he did not ask Liam. He would not have had a clue what to get.

"That is a great idea! So which gemstone should I focus on?"

"Emeralds. From what I read, it is known as the 'Stone of Successful Love'. It is supposed to represent inspiration, infinite patience, unconditional love, compassion...all the good things that sound like the two of you. It is also known for renewal and growth. You both were engaged to the wrong people, now you have a new start with each other."

Rashad could not believe the depth of wisdom and understanding Maxwell possessed. Why was no one else using him for important decisions? He was underappreciated.

Rashad found the perfect emerald engagement ring for Hana. It was a large emerald, pear shaped, cushioned with diamonds surrounding it, and then going down the sides of the gold band. It looked both lovely and somewhat old fashioned. Something that Mr. Darcy might present to Elizabeth. He purchased it and the matching wedding band, his heart nearly bursting with happiness at buying these for her.

Drake sat in the car with Maxwell and Amanda, heading to the nature preserve. He was drumming his fingers against armrest, staring out the window. Amanda reached over and stopped his hand. "Is there something you want to talk about or are you trying to see how long we can go before we debate on tying your hands to your sides?"

Drake realized the tell, and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Sorry. I was thinking about seeing Olivia with Justin today. Maybe I should have stayed at the hotel."

Maxwell knew exactly what he was going through. He also knew there was nothing they could do to help. No words could stop that pain from seeing someone you love be with someone else. "Drake, she probably will need to see you there supporting her, even from afar. I know it's hard, but maybe you can sneak some time with her. She could probably use a break."

Drake nodded at his words. He did not really know what the future held for them. At least Maxwell had known that he and Amanda loved each other and would get married. Did he want the same with Olivia? He liked her. He was attracted to her. He actually enjoyed her company now. Did he love her? Now that was a question that needed to be thought on.

When they exited the cars, they were overwhelmed with the beauty of the reserve. It was one of the most peaceful places they had been. Hana's father welcomed them and began the tour. While everyone began to follow, Drake scanned the crowd for his redhead. "There she is." Amanda whispered.

Drake's heart lurched. She looked beautiful. She had her hair down, much to his surprise. She knew he loved pulling it or running his fingers through it when she had released it from the confines of her usual bun. Did she do it for him as a sign or was she tired of wearing it up? Amanda slipped her arms through his and Maxwell's. She pulled them as close as she could behind Olivia and Justin.

After some slow walking nobles paused to look around, Amanda maneuvered them directly behind Olivia. They were now able to hear everything that was said. It was not impressive to say the least. Justin was really boring.

"Olivia, did you know that bamboo is part of the grass family?"

"Really? Fascinating."

"Yes. It can grow up to three feet within twenty-four hours."

"Wow. I'm so impressed by your knowledge."

Drake wanted to laugh. The man was literally talking about grass growing! Olivia's montone remarks should have raised a red flag to Justin, but he remained oblivious to it and continued explaining everything they encountered.

Liam and Riley were standing with Rashad and Hana. When they caught sight of the others, they waved them over to a small enclosure. Maxwell and Amanda rushed to the glass. Baby pandas were playing. Drake grinned at the little cubs. Olivia walked up beside him, a smile finally forming on her face. It died when Justin came up on her other side.

Drake slipped his hand in hers and gently squeezed it, letting their hands be hidden in the folds of her skirt. She cut her eyes to him and squeezed back. Justin stood there a few moments and went to pull Olivia away. Liam stopped him. "If you will excuse us a few moments, there is something of importance we need Lady Olivia's opinion. We will catch up with you and the rest of the tour shortly. Please go enjoy yourself." Justin reluctantly bowed and walked off.

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. She did not think she could remain kind for too much longer. Was he trying to make her dislike him? Surely no one was that boring. Drake let go of her hand and slipped it around her waist, gently pulling her hair as he did so. She wondered how long he would resist pulling her hair. She hoped he understood why she wore it down. It had been for him.

Liam grinned at all of them. "Hana's father has set up this time for us to play with the baby pandas, that is if you want to."

Everyone voiced their desire and possible bodily harm to Liam if he was messing with them. He laughed and they all went to put on smocks and gloves. They entered in and began interacting with the small bears.

Olivia laughed as one latched onto Drake's leg. He tried to get it off, but the panda would not budge. "A little help would be nice," he said to her.

She reached down and gently pulled the panda off of him, holding it close to her. It looked so sad and let out a little distressed sound as it looked at Drake. Seems she wasn't the only one who wanted to be with him. "I think this guy wants you to hold him." She handed the ball of fluff to Drake, grinning as he tried to hold the little cub in his arms without dropping him. The panda was trying to get in a comfortable position against his chest. He let out a little grunt as he finally got settled. He yawned and closed his eyes.

Riley was smiling. She captured the whole thing on video and was now snapping pictures. She had captured some sweet moments of all her friends enteracting with each other and the pandas. She could not wait to develop them and surprise everyone.

It was soon time to leave and prepare for the dinner Hana's family had planned. Olivia had to go back to Justin. As they returned their smocks and all to the workers, she was pulled aside by Drake. He captured her lips in a hot, seductive kiss. When he pulled back, he felt smug causing that bemused look on her face. "I couldn't resist," he whispered in her ear, pressing another kiss against her neck.

Olivia left the pandas much happier than when she entered.

At the dinner, she was stuck sitting with her aunt and Justin. She looked around the room. Drake was sitting with Maxwell and Amanda. Rashad and Hana were at the front with Liam and Riley. Not only was she stuck with two people she did not care for, Lady Kiara and Lord Neville were placed at her table. Olivia knew Hana had not planned the seating chart. She really wished she had. Hana would never be that cruel.

Olivia picked at her food, barely listening to the conversation going on around her. Her aunt kicked her under the table. Olivia shot her an annoyed look only to notice that Kiara was leaning in close, enraptured with Justin and his conversation. Olivia shrugged and went back to her food. Kiara could have Justin with her blessing. She would even gift wrap him.

If looks could kill, her aunt would be currently arrested for murder. Olivia sighed and attempted to enter the conversation. She was able to last long enough to get her aunt's attention elsewhere.

Hana was smiling so much her face was sore. She glanced again at the ring Rashad had chosen for her. It was the most beautiful and most meaningful item she had ever been given. When he explained the meaning behind the emerald, she felt herself falling even more in love with him.

He reached over taking her hand. He leaned over and whispered, "Happy darling?" She nodded gently kissing his cheek. He smiled and stood up. He gained everyone's attention and announced his engagement to Hana. Everyone cheered and raised their glass in toast to the happy couple.

After dinner, Maxwell took Amanda down to the beach. They walked together, holding hands, looking at the moon reflected in the waves. "It's so beautiful here, isn't it?"

Maxwell agreed. He stopped her from walking and sank down to one knee.

"Maxwell! Are you alright? Did you pull something?"

"What? No! I'm fine! Why would you think that?"

"You went down on one knee! Rather quickly, I might add. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine! Just stop talking about being hurt!"

"Well! Excuse me for being concerned."

This was not going at all like he thought. He groaned and took her hand and put the ring on her finger. He stood up and dusted his pants off.

She was speechless. It was a diamond surrounded by sapphires. It looked like a star in the night sky. "Maxwell?"

"I was reminded that I had not given you an engagement ring. I had a lovely speech that would have floored you with my romantic heart that I was going to say until the whole 'are you hurt' bit. Regardless. I'm madly in love with you. I'm very happy we are married. I wanted to find you the perfect ring to remind you that my heart has always been and will forever be yours."

Amanda launched herself at him, knocking him to the ground. She giggled at him when he said that now was the right time to ask if he was hurt. She silenced him in the best possible way. This was how Maxwell imagined the night going when he gave her the ring.

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