#i'm rlly excited to read the next one

[zsofieia]

have you ever read a book and thought it was great and when you search up some discussions for it you find out that apparently it's the worst book to have been published?????

[astrxealis]

themis... little guy ......

[nyxire]

Anyways it's probably way to early for this but i'm manifesting s&b season 2 release late spring early summer 2023🕯

[hannieehaee]

them accidentally ditching you on your bday pt. 2- pu

content: angsty, gender neutral, established relationship, jun's has one brief suggestive mention, fluffy ending, etc.

part 1

wc: 3232

a/n: tysm to everyone who read and enjoyed the whole series <33 it was rlly fun to write angst with a fluffy ending hehe

masterlist

jun -

against his better judgment, jun sat in silence for a while as he contemplated what to do. you were likely not only mad, but also disappointed at him ditching you like that. except he hadnt meant to! he truly had no idea he would sleep through the entirety of the morning. he had been so excited to spend his favorite day with his favorite person, but now he was left as a complete asshole while you believed him to have carelessly put you aside with no warning

after a few more minutes of self-pitying, he decided to get up. it was better to try and make amends and explain himself than to let even more time pass. he knew you'd be out by the time he arrived to your place, but at least that way he could fix something up for your arrival. he decided against calling you. it didnt feel personal enough, plus, the least he could do was surprise you.

without further thought, jun headed straight to your place, but not before inquiring his mom about a few recipes he knew you liked. his current plan was to make you a romantic dinner upon your return. in order to allow you to enjoy your day in whichever way you wished to, he continued to not contact you with his new plan. he knew it might've been dumb to not even answer the multiple messages you'd left him while he slept, but he wanted to apologize face to face with a romantic gesture.

preparing the meal had been easy enough. he followed it by creating a nice ambience with the lights and a few candles, along with some mellow music and incense. the next step in his plan was to offer you a massage and his wholehearted company for the rest of the night to do whatever you so wished.

luckily for him, your outing did not extend into the night, meaning his meal would become either a brunch or an early dinner. but that didn't matter to him the moment you stepped in and spotted him in suit and tie waiting for you in your apartment, eyes wide as saucers at the unexpected intrusion.

"jun?"

"wait! dont say anything. i rehearsed this, okay? let me say my thing first."

you were already used to his shenanigans, so you gestured at him to continue before voicing any questions.

"i'm so sorry. i know i promised to be here. and i was planning to be here on time! but i, uh, i fell asleep. i know how stupid that sounds, trust me! i didn't plan on this. i was so exhausted and i didnt realize that id sleep through all my alarms and your messages. my phone died last night too, so i didnt even realize you had called me. i'm just ... im sorry. i know im an idiot. please forgive me? i made you a romantic dinner to make up for it! i hope you like it, they're my mom's recipes," he paused for a second before continuing, "i love you! i wanted to spend the whole day with you, i swear. i know it didnt go as planned, but id you let me, id love to spend what remains of it doing whatever you want. im sorry i left you alone. i never meant to."

"junnie ..."

jun immediately noticed your lip begin to stick out in a pout, with watery eyes to match.

"oh, fuck. baby, i'm so sorry," he rushed you into his embrace, "i didnt mean to make you cry! i- how can i make it up to you? i'll do anything, just say the word."

you halted him before he could continue, remaining in his hold but disconnecting yourself enough to look into his eyes.

"no, junnie. it's just ... fuck, im sorry if my texts were harsh. i thought you had just ditched me for no reason. you must've been so exhausted, baby, im sorry. i understand why you weren't here, and ... god, thank you for the dinner. you're so sweet, junnie, im so so-"

"no! dont apologize. you're not allowed to apologize on your birthday. in a perfect world i wouldve made it home and fallen asleep in your arms instead. will you have dinner with me? then i can take you to bed," he interrupted himself upon realizing what he said, "oh, wait! not like that! but well, if you want too ... it's your day, anything you say goes. happy birthday, by the way," he pressed his nose to yours, "i love you."

you couldn't help but giggle at his panicked state, appreciating the sweet words nonetheless.

"thank you, junnie. i love you."

soonyoung -

soonyoung wasn't too sure where he was going.

it's not like be was blackout drunk, he was just drunk. period. he still had some sense of reason. he was almost 85% sure he was in minghao's car. but there was no way to be completely sure from the angle in which he was laying down. that's when his friend decided to inquire his name to check on him, thus confirming soonyoung's current whereabouts. that was also when soonyoung fell right back asleep.

next time he gained consciousness he was being dragged out of the car and being directed to follow minghao. he could recognize his new location anywhere. he was standing right outside your apartment. when you opened the door, he couldnt help but instantly let himself fall atop you, attacking you with a hug as you were forced a few steps back due to his body weight being dropped on you. you held him back, patting his back as you spoke to minghao about something. he wasn't too sure. the familiar scent at the crook of your neck had him too distracted to care.

finally minghao left, allowing you two some alone time. you left him on the couch and got him water, telling him he needed to sober up before you could talk, because apparently you had something to say to him. it was odd. you weren't cooing at him as you usually did. you also weren't stuck to his side, giving him his daily dose of physical affection like he'd always demand. he decided to shrug it off, allowing himself to fall into deep slumber on the uncomfortable space of your couch. he'd figure it out tomorrow.

when tomorrow came, soonyoung was hit with two things. one came after the other.

the first was his headache, which almost went away on its own at the mere aight of the aspirin you had left on the coffee table in front of him. he made a mental note to give you a thank you kiss the moment he saw you.

the next thing he was hit with was realization of how uneven this relationship seemingly was.

as he got up to seek you out, he stopped just before entering your bedroom, realizing you were on a phone call. he didn't mean to eavesdrop, but he was also really nosy by nature, so the math did itself.

"yeah. im sorry for cancelling on you yesterday ... no, i know ... it's not like that .... he just forgot .... yeah ..... he came home drunk .... i dont know. i think i'll just let him figure it out on his own .... i am hurt. we made plans and he just blew me off to drink with his friends, of course im hurt .... i'll just see you tomorrow, i gotta go take care of him .... yeah, i know im an idiot, but i love him .... okay, bye. love you too."

soonyoung could only hear your side of the conversation, but that had been enough for him to clue the pieces together. your birthday was yesterday. which was something he knew, but had completely left his mind at the mention of free drinks with the guys.

after that realization came many others.

you had shown him no type of anger upon his arrival, even making sure take care of him in his drunken state. you had changed him into his pjs as he slept, tucked him into your couch, given him medicine. even after he blew you off. on your birthday. fuck.

he gave himself no time to think before he barged into the room, immediately kneeling in front of you as he grabbed onto your hands. he paid no mind to your shocked state as he started babbling apologies to you.

"im so sorry, i- i dont know how i forgot. baby ... im so fucking sorry. i cant believe you took care of me even after i forgot. you shouldve punished me. you should punish me. i dont deserve you. im so so so sorry. i love you so much, i swear i never meant go forget. im just an idiot. that's not an excuse! you're just too good for me. I'll make it up to you! how can i? anything! please, i love you."

his rambling could only be blamed on his still buzzed state, as that had only been half of his apology. he kept going for ten minutes, allowing you no room to respond. he was surprised when by the end of it you'd instructed him to get up, almost tackling him in a hug as you wrapped your arms around his neck. he might've been an idiot, but he'd accept any affection from you he could get. always.

"soonie ..." you pulled away to look into his eyes, a sweet softness behind them. them you decided to slap his chest, making him wince at the unexpectedness of it, "you fucking idiot! i waited for you all day, and you ditch me for alcohol?"

"baby, i-"

"no! i cant sit through another ten minutes of apologies. im pretty sure you're a little drunk still. i forgive you. but you have a lot of making up to do, understand?"

he felt like a scolded puppy, but agreed regardless, telling you that he would swear off alcohol if that's what it took. he enjoyed your giggle as he suggested ridiculous ways to make it up to you, knowing he'd genuinely do anything to make up for ever making you upset.

minghao -

if he hadn't felt immediate regret the moment the words came out of his mouth, he sure felt it now, hearing you cry through the door to your shared bedroom.

he had no idea what had gotten into him. never had he ever even entertained the idea of disrespecting you like that, much less ever making you cry. he could take his job too seriously sometimes, making him a bit too irritable when his work ethic was questioned in any way. although this was true, he knew it was still just a cheap excuse for his behavior. no matter what had been going through his mind, he knew he had no right to speak to you in the way that he did, dismissing you so coldly on a day that was meant to celebrate you.

he was unsure what to do. he wanted to comfort you so badly, but he knew that he had been the sole cause for your pain. he felt himself get emotional at the mere thought, with your sobs making him weak at the knees in regret. he sat himself down on the other side of the door, knowing from the proximity of your cries that you must've been on the opposite side as well. he kept quiet, simply torturing himself as he heard the love of his life cry because of him. there was only so much he could take, however, before finally interrupting.

"my love ..?"

your cries seized a bit at his interruption, but your sniffles and heavy breath could still be heard, breaking his heart bit by bit.

"angel ... im so sorry ... i- i don't know what came over me. you're right. i should've called you. there is no world in which i wouldnt want to be with you to celebrate the birth of the love of my life. you're my everything. i want to shout it from the rooftops. i want everyone to know who my entire world is; who makes my heart beat," he took a pause to breathe, allowing himself to think of how to properly apologize to you, "i should never speak to you the way i just did, i ... im disgusted with myself. you're the most important thing in my life. being the source of your sadness makes me lose my mind. my one purpose in this life is to love you with all i have. im so sorry ... my love, please dont cry over me. no one deserves your tears."

by the end of his speech you had begun to cry harder, making his heart crumble even more.

"angel ... let me see you, please. i need to hold you, need to- need you in my arms. cant stand not taking away your pain, please, i-"

his words were interrupted by a sudden opening of the door. by the time he'd gotten up, you had already walked further into your room, sitting on the edge of the bed as you made yourself as small as possible, looking down while he approached. he knelt in front of you, grabbing your hands as he held them against his own, kissing at the back of your palms as he professed his love for you once more. he then got up and made it so you'd stand up with him, allowing him to cradle you in his arms.

"please forgive me ... i adore you more than anything."

you finally looked up at him, bloodshot eyes as he looked down at you with both worry and adoration.

"did you mean it? do you really not care to ditch me for your career? did you-"

"no! never. you're everything to me. there's nothing i hold more dear to my heart than your own. i'll never make you cry again. i'll grow old with you and give you nothing but happiness. please, please forgive me."

he knew his words could only get him so far, being fully aware that he had purposely hurt your feelings in the heat of the moment. he simply hoped that this would not cause a strain in your relationship; that you would somehow look past it and give him the forgiveness that he didn't deserve.

his thoughts were fortunately interrupted by a soft meeting of your lips, allowing him to melt into you before you pulled away.

"hao ... i forgive you. i- i never thought you'd just disregard me like that," he physically winced at the thought, "but you've shown me nothing but love and respect otherwise. i understand you were stressed, and i love you, so i forgive you."

"thank you, angel. i'll take tomorrow off, okay? let me keep you all to myself so i can show you how sorry i am; how badly i love you."

he then spent the rest of the night attached to you, waxing poetic at you as he told you of all the plans he had for the two of you tomorrow, even eventually progressing into talking about his night at the fashion show. your enthusiasm at his rambles made him realize how fortunate he was to have you all over again. he made a promise to himself and to you that he'd never lose his temper around you ever again.

chan -

"wait, what? ah! don't hit me!"

"you idiot! you're dating a literal angel and you forget their birthday?! what is wrong with you?"

"it's not today! it's, uh, wait. fuck. today?!"

checking his phone really quickly he realized that today's date was in fact your birthday. he hadn't bothered to write down a reminder for your birthday anywhere, knowing there was absolutely more way he could forget. except that the days had begun to blend together at some point, rendering him into a machine as he just went to his schedules without much thought. what he hadn't accounted for, however, was for your birthday to get lost in the mess also.

chan hadn't planned for his day to go like this. he 100% was not expecting to be berated by seungkwan the moment he stepped foot into the practice room, being scolded over being a careless boyfriend. even as annoyed as he was at his friend, he knew he was right. he hadn't meant to, but ultimately he had forgotten about you. it sucked to think about how he had bid you goodbye just this morning with not a single care in the world, now realizing that you were probably alone and feeling disregarded by him. i mean, for fuck's sakes, he had told you to take the day off a few weeks back. promising a fun afternoon together after he got off work. and now he had completely forgotten about it.

he needed to fix this, and quick.

like any lovesick guy (such as chan, who was immensely down bad for you), he ran to leave practice. he knew soonyoung would have his ass on a silver platter the moment he arrived and noticed chan's absence, but after weighing his options (hurting your feelings vs. being berated by yet another one of his older brothers), he decided you were the clear priority.

ran might've been an overstatement, but he did rush as much as he could. he wanted to account for the extra time he'd need to spend to stop by a flower shop on the way in order to beg for forgiveness in a more heartfelt way.

after picking a bouquet of your favorites, he instructed the driver to take him to your address, which led him to his current predicament as he stood outside your apartment door, breathless due to having ran up the stairs in very dramatic fashion. what could he say? he was just a boy in love.

the moment you opened the door to his knocks, he rushed in, rambling endless apologies to you as he handed you the flowers, professing his love to you while also whining (mostly at himself) that seungkwan of all people had been the one to remind him of the love of his life's special day. it was funny, really, how he didn't seem to run out of words when expressing his regret at his mistake.

you interrupted him halfway through his fourth apology, giggling at his widened eyes. okay, this was not exactly the reaction he was expecting.

"chan! jesus, breathe," you interrupted, "i'm not mad. i mean, i was. but you literally only left an hour ago, i cant believe you're back already."

"i headed back the moment kwan told me. baby. i'm sorry. i had planned to take the day off and surprise you, it just slipped my mind, i swe-"

"chan! it's fine! i'm not- i'm not mad, i promise. the fact that you came back running is so ... it's funny," you giggled again, "but its also very sweet. you have nothing to apologize for, okay? i'm just happy you're here."

he hugged you after that, disregarding the flowers in your hands as he nuzzled his nose into your hair.

"remind me to thank kwannie for reminding my bad, forgetful boyfriend about my birthday."

"yah! you're not allowed to hang out with him anymore, okay? he's a bad influence," he complained against you, enjoying the vibration of your laugh in return.

a/n: sorry some are way angstier than others ;-; i wanted to vary them a little. anyways tysm if u read the entirety of this mini series <3

[kvtie444]

Bruh u should make a fic where the triplets r on tour n matt thinks youre hella fine n he gives u his number secretly n gives u the addy to his hotel n yall fuck n he’s a dom 🙏🙏🙏🙏

*✧･ﾟTOUR

A/N: nothing rlly lol, shout out to all my non US girlies who didn’t get a tour <3, this is my first req!!!

summary: the request lolziez

warnings: NSFW, smut !!, swearing, dom mat

・₊✧⋆⭒˚｡⋆

The surge of excitement coursing through my veins is indescribable. The Sturniolo triplets are currently on tour and they're making a stop in my city. Naturally, I couldn't pass up the chance, so I secured a meet and greet ticket !!

Dressed in my favorite cargos and a blue corset top, proudly declaring my allegiance as a Matt girl, I eagerly attended the show. Although I found myself towards the back, away from any wild antics, the energy was infectious, especially with Matt emerging as the winner. The thrill lingered as I joined the queue for the meet and greet, my heart pounding against my ribs.

"Next!" I'm abruptly pulled from my thoughts by a security guard, signaling that my turn had come. Taking a quick glance at my phone camera to ensure I looked presentable, I stepped through the door, taking a deep breath.

Nick was the first to greet me, pulling me into a warm hug. "Hi! Thank you so much for coming!!" he exclaimed with a bright smile. "Aww, you guys were amazing," I replied, reciprocating the smile as I moved over to Chris. He hugged me and casually commented, "Yo, you smell good." I chuckled and replied, "Thanks," appreciating the unexpected compliment.

Then came the moment I was most nervous about – meeting Matt. As I approached him, he licked his lips, his eyes flicking up and down over my body. Opening his arms, he pulled me into a tight hug, taking in his cologne. Dior sauvage 😫 As he pulled away, his gaze briefly landed on my chest before returning to my eyes. "How does it feel repping a winning team?" he smirked referring to my blue top, biting his lip. "Good," I replied, meeting his gaze through my lashes.

His hand moved down to my waist, subtly guiding us for the group photo.Afterwards, I felt a slight squeeze as he turned me around to face him. Was he flirting with me, or was I just overthinking? Wanting to test the waters, I asked, “I actually wanted you to sign something for me if that's alright." Matt smirked, pulling out a sharpie from his back pocket. "Ran out of cards to sign. Anything else you want me to sign?" he teased. I shrugged, biting my lip before meeting his blue eyes again, "Me?" His laughter filled the air as he leaned in. His tatted hand moves up to hold my boob as his other hand signs the skin.

The ink felt cold against my skin, sending shivers down my spine. His firm grip slightly squeezed, and in a hushed tone, he murmured, "Knew the Matt girls were always the baddest." As he pulled away, I glanced at the signature, feeling my face heat up. When Matt offered to take a selfie, I eagerly agreed. He took my phone out of my hand, our skin brushing against one another, sending sparks through my body. Burst photos were taken as he held me close, releasing my phone with a smug smile.

I then proceeded to take selfies with Chris and Nick. As our time neared its end, Nick turnt to me, “Want a signed card?” holding up a card, I gladly accepted. Matt, seemingly ‘out of cards’, stuck his tongue in his cheek with a smirk. Nick signed the card and bid me goodbye with a sweet hug. The card then passed to Chris, who added a smiley face and hugged me affectionately. Finally, it reached Matt, who signed it, leaned in, and whispered, "Don't read it until you're out of here." Blushing, I pulled away as he tucked the card into my bra. With a sly smile, he looked up at me as I walked away, waving goodbye. No fucking way. Matt Sturniolo had just flirted with me?

I step out the venue, the cool night air embraces me as I step outside, still buzzing with excitement from the meet and greet. Clutching the signed card against my chest, I lean against the brick wall, savoring the surreal experience. A few concerned glances from passersby hint at the unconventional placement of the card, hanging out of my bra, but I couldn't care less.

Curiosity gets the best of me, and I decide to read the contents of the signed card. To my surprise, it's not just a signature but a phone number. My heart skips a beat, and I find myself biting my lip with anticipation. Unable to resist, I eagerly pull out my phone and create a new contact.

From y/n:

Where's my signature? All I got was a number.

I bite my lip, excitement coursing through me. His response is quick.

From Matt S:

On your tits, no?

A private chuckle escapes me; He resumes typing.

From Matt S:

What's your name, angel?

Blushing at the pet name, I smile to myself.

From y/n:

Y/N

From Matt S:

What are you doing tonight, Y/N?

I reply playfully.

From Y/n:

Hmmm, I don't know.

From Matt S:

Come see me.

My heart momentarily halts; my jaw slackens as he sends an address. A quick search reveals it's a hotel not far from the venue. Another text follows.

From Matt S:

Room 407, 11 pm?

Fuck it. I’m never getting this chance again

From Y/n

see you then x

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

The night unfolds with a sense of anticipation and nerves, my heart pounding as the clock inches closer to 11 pm. The hotel's lobby is dimly lit, and the receptionist glances at me curiously as I make my way towards the elevator. Room 407 becomes my destination, and with each floor that passes, a mix of excitement and apprehension builds within me.

As the elevator doors open, I find myself standing in front of Room 407. The soft glow of the corridor lights casts a warm ambiance, and I take a deep breath before knocking on the door. A moment of suspense hangs in the air until the door swings open, revealing Matt on the other side, wearing a black tank and grey sweats.

His eyes meet mine, a mischievous glint in them, and a smirk plays on his lips. "Hey, angel," he greets, his voice sending shivers down my spine. Without waiting for my response, he pulls me into the room by my waist gently, the door closing behind us.

The hotel room exudes a subtle glow, the air thick with tension. Matt's intense gaze scrutinizes me, his eyes tracing every contour with a lingering appreciation. "You look good in blue, Y/N," he remarks, a seductive timbre underscoring his words. I blush at the compliment, a cocktail of nerves and excitement coursing through me. "Thanks," I manage to respond, my voice a blend of anticipation.

The room resonates with the distant hum of the city outside, its rhythmic pulse of anticipation resonating within. Matt strides toward the room's bar area, pouring Disaronno into a glass before glancing back at me. "You drink?" he queries, and I nod in affirmation. He turns around, filling a glass for me. Coming over, he hands me the drink, initiating a nonchalant "cheers" before downing his own. Licking his lips, his eyes roam over my figure. "Why did you choose to come see me?"

I shrug in response, meeting his gaze. "Thought you'd make it worth my time," I declare, sipping my drink. He smirks slightly, stepping closer and placing his glass aside, a move I mimic. His hand finds its place on my waist, bodies so close that our chests are touching. "Yeah?" he inquires, a charming smile playing on his lips. My cheeks warm, and his hand moves up to my face, gently rubbing up and down.

"Yeah," I murmur, my breath catching as Matt's touch ignites a trail of anticipation across my skin.

His fingers continue their tender exploration, tracing the contours of my face with a deliberate slowness that sends shivers down my spine. The room seems to close in, the air charged with an undeniable tension. Matt's eyes lock onto mine, the smoldering intensity making it clear that he's in control.

A subtle smirk plays on his lips as he leans in, his warm breath grazing my ear. "Good," he whispers, his voice sending a jolt of arousal through me. Matt's hand moves from my face to the back of my neck, fingers intertwining with my hair. With a gentle yet firm grasp, he tilts my head back, exposing the surface of my neck.

My heartbeat quickens as he leans down, planting a soft, lingering kiss on the sensitive skin just below my earlobe. His lips leave a scorching trail down my neck, each touch deliberate and electrifying. I gasp as he nibbles lightly, his teeth grazing my skin in a teasing dance as he marks me up.

The room is engulfed in a charged silence, broken only by the subtle sounds of our breaths mingling and my soft moans. Matt's hands trail down my body, fingers deftly working to pull my top off. His touch is confident, stripping me of my top, as he exposes more of my skin to his hungry gaze.

He glances down at my breasts, almost astonished that I've allowed him to sign them. Smirking, he leans down and unhooks my bra, sucking on one of my nipples while his other hand roams my body. I catch my breath, feeling the cool air on my exposed chest. Matt's eyes lock onto mine, a silent command in his gaze. His fingers continue their journey, moving down to rub me through my cargo pants. He unbuttons them slightly, pausing for me to step out of my pants.

The undeniable chemistry between us ignites the air as Matt's lips find mine, a hungry, possessive kiss that leaves no room for doubt. The taste of Disaronno lingers on his lips as our bodies entwine, the world outside the hotel room fading away into a hazy blur of pleasure and desire. His hands then reach under my thighs, picking me up as if I weighed nothing, and walk over to the bed, practically throwing me onto it. He crawls on top of me, peppering kisses from my lips, down my sternum, down to my hips. He teasingly kisses both my thighs, edging closer and closer to where I need him most. My hands move down to his hair, and I whine, "Matt, please." His hands run up and down my sides, pressing soft ghostly kisses over my panties onto my clit, making me moan. "What baby?" he asks, smirking, "I need you, Matt, please." He bites his lip before pulling my panties down, throwing them aside, and groans, "So wet for me, princess." He grasps my thighs and hoists them over his shoulders, hovering over my heat, and spits right in my clit, making me moan. He leans in, his hot breath on me sending shivers through my body before he presses his tongue over my clit, flicking it as I grasp his hair. He shakes his head left and right, a loud moan of his name coming from my lips.

My back arches, and I push his head further, causing his right hand to slap my thigh and rub it soothingly, while his tatted arm holds my stomach down. He moves his hands down and suddenly inserts his index finger in me, his cold rings causing a sharp gasp from me. "Fuck, Matt." "You make the prettiest noises, angel. Look so pretty all fucked out." He mumbles against me before adding another finger and speeding up his movements. The only sounds heard are my moaning and the lewd sounds coming from my body. "Shit, Matt, I'm gonna cum." I practically scream, pulling his hair and the knot in my stomach becoming tighter. He suddenly pulls away from me, making me whine. "Not yet, baby." He mumbles, sucking his fingers clean.

He grabs my hips and flips me over, arching my back. He squeezes my ass before slapping it, a moan leaving my lips. I hear him pulling down his bottoms until I feel his tip slapping against my already soaked pussy. "Matt, please." I whine as he rubs the tip teasingly up and down, I move my hips against him in hopes of him slipping it in, but he grabs my hips harshly, slapping me again. I'm a whining mess at this point, he slowly slips the tip in, the most heavenly groan leaving his lips.

"So tight, baby." He mumbles before pushing all of him inside. He starts moving at a fast pace, catching me by surprise, his hand moves to my hair, tugging it back harshly, causing my neck to snap back. He speeds up, now pounding into me, the sound of skin slapping and our moans filling the room. He slaps my ass again before shoving my head back down on the pillow. My mind is now muffled as he grips my waist bruising hard, I grind my hips back against him, "Shit, y/n." He groans.

He grabs my waist and flips me over, still inside of me. "Wanna see your pretty face when you cum?" He says, moving my legs over his shoulders. He goes straight into pounding me, my eyes screwed shut and my mouth slack. "Open your eyes. Look at me." He demands. I open my eyes and we make eye contact, his tatted arm comes up and grips my throat, applying pressure. The new angle combined with his hands are pushing me over the edge - "Matt, I'm gonna cum." I whine. He stays silent, still pounding me until he speaks up. "Cum." As soon as the words leave his lips, I release around him, my legs physically trembling in his shoulders. He slows down his pace, groaning as he cums inside of me shortly after.

He rides out his high before pulling out, and dropping his head next to my shoulder. He catches his breath for a moment before pressing a kiss to my shoulder and getting up and walking to the bathroom. He soon returns with a towel, coming over to help clean me up. We make eye contact, and he smiles softly, leaving in and pressing a sweet kiss to my lips. "I'm flying you out as the tour is over." He chuckles.

・₊✧⋆⭒˚｡⋆

tag list !!

@iloveneilperry @bernardenjoyer

@daddyslilchickenfingers

@mbbsgf @sturnvilmed @sturnphilia @s1urnioloslvr

@mattsbratt @mangoposts @christinarowie332

@recklesssturniolo @bluesturniolo333

@flowerxbunnie @kenzieiskoolaid @pepsiskiess

@poopydroopt @byechristopher @solarsturniolo

@m6ttsturniolo @lustfulslxt @stardustmf444

@thankyounextt t @glossyfx @bellasturniolo @ghostgurlswrld

[taintedcigs]

GETAWAY CAR — rockstar!e.m. x f!reader

CHAPTER ONE: BEST OF TIMES, THE WORST OF CRIMES

next chapter →

✦ summary: in which you return to hawkins to attend your best friend nancy's wedding, facing the problems you left behind, and the one person you abandoned; eddie munson. (wc: 9.4k+)

✦ warnings — ANGSTANGSTANGST, pining and slowburn, reuniting <33, strong language!, mentions of alc*hol and drg use and a toxic relationship, reader is sad and feels guilty. kinda mean eddie but not rlly.

✦ pairings — rockstar!eddie munson x fem!reader, past billy hargrove x fem!reader

✦ authors note — okay so its finally HERE. im SOOO EXCITED for u guys to read it!! i have tried to proof-read this a lot but my mind is fuzzy so ignore all mistakes!! if u need some stuff to listen to while reading this long ass chapter or the songs mentioned in it u can check out the playlist !! hope yall enjoy it mwah &lt;3

series masterlist | series playlist

I'm a cold heartbreaker Fit to burn and I'll rip your heart in two

The sound coming from your slightly jammed stereo while the rain gently pattered on the roof of your car could’ve been heavenly. 

If only it weren’t the roads of Hawkins that you were travelling in. Five years that had passed were seemingly nothing when you recognized the familiar streets and the infamous forest, heart skipping a beat when you finally arrived on Maple Street. 

The cars parked just outside of the Wheeler House were enough to give you anxiety, especially when your eyes spotted that van. His van. Why did he still have it? Wasn’t he a rich rock star by now? There was an unnecessary bitter taste in your throat, and your gaze was stuck on the van now, gulping physically as you tried to ignore those guilty feelings bubbling up inside of you. Mind quick to revel in all those memories you had with him in that stupid vehicle.

5 YEARS AGO.

“Hurry!” You whisper-yelled, still looking around, Eddie was right behind you, his tongue darting out of his mouth as it always did when he was focused, running like hell as his calloused hands harshly gripped the tequila bottle that you two had just stolen.

The angry voice of the shop’s owner had long disappeared by now, but you could never be too careful. When you finally got close to his van, you stopped Eddie immediately. “Behind you!” You yelled in a fake-worried voice, causing Eddie to start sprinting forward toward the car.

When he noticed you not following and breaking into laughter, his worried face eased as he realized your little prank, giving you a humorless laugh as he started sprinting towards you.

You squealed when he grabbed you by your waist, lifting you off in one swift motion, spinning you around as your giggles filled the space.

Eddie’s grin faltered quickly. “I hate you,” He mocked in a serious tone.

 “I’m sorry, but I just love that worried look on your face. And, oh god, that sprint! You know what you should be?” You asked, a smirk forming on your lips as you waited for him to fall into your trap.

Eddie sighed exhaustedly, a grin plastered on his face, he put you down.

You squealed happily as he did so, “A... Tiger!” You mimicked pompoms with your hands as you tried to re-do your cheer routine, chanting after Eddie.

He playfully nudged your shoulders, “Oh, Pinky... You are on a roll today, huh?” He asked, the nickname rolled off his tongue so sweetly. It was a stupid fucking name, sure, but you loved it. It somehow stuck, the entire town calling you Pinky ever since you pronounced ‘Pinky Promise’ wrong once and your parents funnily referred to you by it.

You nodded, giggling, stealing the bottle from his hands, and chugging a sip. “This was a great idea.” You hummed, pointing to the bottle, the bitter taste burning your throat, almost coughing with how big of a chug you took.

He quirked his brows, flying over to your side as he opened your car door.

“Let’s go, thief.” He tilted his head, hands gesturing forward animatedly.

“What a gentleman!” You mocked dramatically, sliding into the messy van easily as Eddie heaved a sigh.

He sprinted toward the other door, cursing as he struggled to open the rusty door, eyes bulging out of his head almost as he checked to make sure the coast was clear. “You know…” He started with a muffled sigh as he hopped into the driver’s seat. 

“Everyone thought I would be a bad influence on you… or that you would at least be a good influence on me, but ever since I met you, all we have done is illegal shit.” His voice was mocking. “I think it’s time you give up that good girl cheerleader title, princess. Because forcing your best friend to steal booze is definitely not good girl material.” 

Throwing your hands up in defense, you turned to him. “And they still think you are the devil worshipper!” You added, a hearty laugh escaping from your slurry lips.

Eddie sighed when he couldn’t turn the ignition properly, his van—Aurora, which Eddie of course named himself—was too old now.

“Oh, come on, baby,” He whispered when his fingers roughly tried to turn the key further, earning a hesitant cough from his precious Aurora. “Pleasepleaseplease…” He whispered, engine roaring back to life now with his second try. “There you go, honey, thank you!” He exclaimed as he threw his hands up in the air, mouth quick to press up against the wheel, giving Aurora a thousand kisses, causing you to squint your eyes.

“You are… pathetic,” You scoffed with a shake of your head, a teasing smirk playing at your lips.

“Oh, we’ll see who’s pathetic,” He disagreed dramatically. His eyes diverted from the road as he sneakily grabbed your bag, causing you to protest quickly. “Hey!” He didn’t mind your tug on his bicep when he dug his whole arm into your bag, fiddling as he tried to find your cassette tape under all the mess.

“There we go,” He hummed when he animatedly pulled it toward your sight. ‘BEST MIXTAPE’ The tape dramatically read when Eddie snatched it out of your view stuffing it away from you. 

“If you make fun of Aurora, you lose your music privileges.” He hummed all-knowingly, a troublesome look overtaking his features as he focused back on the road. Your gaze squinted, barely able to see his plump lips that were now quipped into a grin.

“Really…” You hummed, hiding behind the way your lips twitched mischievously.

Eddie’s curiosity was quick to perk up; you not whining ‘Eds!!’ as you elbowed him and huffed when you called him a jerk meant only one thing.

You had some really good new music.

“You sure about that… Munson?” You quirked a brow, grin growing wider as you seized your bag from his hands, earning a groan from Eddie.

“What have you got up your sleeve, sweetheart?” He asked, stealing a quick glance at one of your pretty smiles before he turned his attention to the road.

“Something really good…” You hummed, hand diving into your bag again before you reclined in your seat, throwing him a knowing look.

“Jesus…” He whined. “What d’ya want?” He implored, his gaze squinting.

You wanted to keep the game going, tease him further, and get him to his breaking point. But the way his eye twitched with curiosity, tongue licking his lips with need made you want to tell him everything, let him in on your little surprise.

“Hmm… Music privileges…” 

“And?” He asked with a huff, knowing that’s not all you wanted.

“And, I’m gonna pick the place where we drink this cutie!” You exclaimed, hand pointing toward the tequila bottle you had a firm grip on.

He threw you a glare; it wasn’t a hard glare, you knew it and he knew it, he did it just to tease you, and that’s exactly what had you so giddy about him. “Fine…” He whined, teasing further. “Whatcha got?”

You clapped animatedly, pulling out the cassette with a huge grin. The Cure’s ‘The Head on The Door’ album was swaying in your hands as Eddie groaned.

You pouted. “You got me all excited for The Cure?” He pinched his brows together, causing you to gasp dramatically, huffing.

“What’s wrong with The Cure? You love them!” You protested, glaring at him.

“You love The Cure, sweetheart.” He grinned, earning a scoff from you as your hands were quick to wrap around your chest annoyedly.

“Just for that, you won’t get to know what the second album is. And it really was a good one.” You shrugged, putting the bag in front of your legs, just out of Eddie’s reach.

“Oh, come on!” He sighed, eyeing you with squinted eyes. 

“I was joking! I love The Cure.” He murmured, but you shrugged again, eyes falling toward the window as you started giving him the silent treatment playfully.

“Really?” He understood your play. “Jesus H. Christ.” He huffed, attention turning toward you.

“Just check the glove compartment.” You ignored him again.

“Pinky.” He called out. “Do it.” His eyes pointed toward it, causing you to sigh as you opened it unenthusiastically.

A bunch of cassette tapes fell toward your lap, you squealed at the contact. “Eddie!” You exclaimed with a chuckle.

Three Imaginary Boys, Seventeen Seconds, Faith, Pornography and The Top was sprawled across your lap, and your eyes widened.

The Cure’s discography. Just sitting in his glove compartment.

You turned to him with an affectionate gaze, hands covering your mouth as you stood speechless.

“Wh-what are these?” You were a stuttering mess. Did he really do all of this for you?

“Uh–I’m pretty sure those are albums, princess,” He mocked you in a playful tone as you tilted your head, tongue sticking out in a childish manner.

His smile grew wider before he shook his head. “Started collecting those–uh… after that day–uhh, you remember that?” His gaze avoided yours. 

“We–uh almost got kicked out of The Hideout?” He muttered with a sly grin, eyes focused on the road just so you wouldn’t notice the slight flush on his cheeks.

“Eds–” You attempted to speak, but he didn’t let you. “You remember that day? You asked me what my favorite band was?” You nodded furiously, Eddie didn’t even have to take another glance at you to know you had a warm smile on your face, sensing your head bobbing up and down excitedly. 

“Y-you know, before they tried to kick us out?” You gave him a slight giggle, humming.

“I told you mine was Dio. And you told me yours was The Cure?” A dizzying grin was stuck on your face, cheeks stretching with pain from how big it was. And Eddie knew if he looked, even for a split second, he’d fall for you all over again. He knew that he couldn’t contain those feelings inside of him anymore. So he avoided it. He avoided that one glance thrown your way because he didn’t want to lose you.

You bowed your head to say ‘yes’ again, words didn’t dare come out of your grinning lips. You didn’t know what to do; you wanted to hug him, feel his arms wrapped around you. You wanted to kiss his flushed cheeks and his apparent dimple, which you couldn’t get enough of.

The silence hanging in the air was killing you. “I remember.” You muttered, almost shyly, like the two of you weren’t teasing the hell out of each other mere seconds ago. 

His brows furrowed when you leaned over your seat again, digging something from your bag as you hid it behind you.

“That is why…” You smiled, hands shaking as you hid the cassette behind your back. “I got you this!” You exclaimed, swinging the tape in front of his bulging eyes.

His eyes squinted before the realisation set in. You remembered that day. Just like he did. You remembered his favorite band. Just like he did yours.

He didn’t want to get his hopes up, you were just being friendly, right? You didn’t do this in the same loving, caring way he did. You did this as a friend. You were a great friend. And he was an asshole for harboring these feelings for his best friend.

He couldn’t help the squeak that escaped his plump lips. The car came to a halt quicker than he intended it to. Swinging you over your seat, making you squeal with him.

“Jesus, Eddie!” You giggled, turning to face him and seeing his speechless face as he admired you. You could feel your cheeks heat up, and it was embarrassing.

Why did he have to look at you like that?

Why did he have to complicate things for you?

You wouldn’t be good enough for him.

And there was Billy. Billy. Billy. Billy—

Your inner thoughts were interrupted by his childlike screams as he seized the Sacred Heart album by Dio from your hands.

He didn’t hesitate—like you did—to engulf you in a hug. Hands securely resting on your lower back, and you could feel your breath hitch.

You would spend all of your work pay checks on stupid damn records if it meant you could see him like this again, and you’d happily starve if it meant you’d have him hug you like this again. But that’s what friends did, right? 

“Oh my god.” His eyes widened, tone much calmer before his excitement rose up again. 

“Oh my fucking god, Pinky!” He yelled in delight again, taking you by surprise when his hands were holding your shoulder in excitement. 

“Y-you… shit- you got this for me?” He asked with a sympathetic gaze.

You nodded quickly. “Of course!” 

“Why’d you think we had to steal that bottle?” You winked teasingly, causing him to snort.

“Pinky, you’re the fucking best.” He muttered into your hair, a grin overtaking your features when he held your face in his hands, honey-glazed eyes boring into yours.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.” His fast-paced mantra left you giggling again before he pressed a small, appreciative smooch on your forehead.

He was just being friendly, you thought. There was no way he could want something more. You were beyond fucked up for that, and Billy was the only proof you needed.

He sighed contently when he relaxed back into his seat. “Wherever you want to go, princess, let me know.” He winked with a childish smile.

The two cassettes were replayed over and over again before the two of you made your way to your ‘special destination’.

Dragging Eddie through the woods while he whined earned several giggles from you. He chugged the bottle in his hands with a sour face.

“How much longer do we have to fuckin’ walk?” He complained, his feet dragging on to exaggerate.  

“We’re almost there, you dork.” You squinted your eyes at another frustrated groan escaped his lips. Laughter erupting from your stomach teasingly before you handed him the stolen bottle, Eddie chugged quickly, and his face soured, “How did you even find this place anyway?” He asked.

“Skull Rock?” You asked, and he nodded. “Wait, you don’t know about Skull Rock?” You questioned, eyes widening, causing Eddie to roll his. “C'mon, Pinky, not all of us hang out with the prissy popular kids.”

You gasped and playfully but still harshly hit his chest, “Ow!” He flinched. “Shit, are all cheerleaders as heavy-handed as you?” He asked, furrowing his brows. “Hey, I barely touched you!” You smirked while he faked getting hurt, rubbing his chest mockingly.

“Skull Rock is known as the make-out spot of Hawkins.” You enunciated dramatically as Eddie ooh-ed, “Thanks to, ‘King Steve’”, you mocked, mimicking air quotes.

Eddie’s eyes widened. “Wait… wait,” His walking came to a halt when he tried to process that information. “Y-you and Steve?” He asked, dumbfounded, a slight overtone of jealousy was apparent in his tone, mixed with his own insecurities, and your face was quick to sour. “God, no!” You scrunched your nose; you loved Steve, but not in that way, never in that way.

“Who do you think taught him this place?” You tilted your brows. 

“I came here the first time my parents left with a tiny note stuck on the fridge.” You shrugged. You were used to your parents always leaving you without any notice other than a scribbled note that told you that they’d be gone for a while. And you never knew if it would be for days or for months. Now that they've been gone for the last four months, you assumed it was permanent this time, and even though you never admitted to it, it fucking hurt. Coming here has been your only escape lately. And all you wanted to do was share it with Eddie, have him in your comfort zone. 

Eddie’s face soured; you could see that red tint on his cheeks, almost like he was furious. And he was, because he understood. He understood what it was like to have deadbeat parents who were fucking useless, he understood the pain it brought and how it could make a person feel so fucking unwanted. But at least he had Wayne. You didn’t have anyone. The closest thing to you had that resembled a family were your friends and the Wheelers—and even that wasn’t enough to give him some peace of mind. 

“When Steve had his first heartbreak, I brought him here, but that fucker turned this place into an orgy party,” You continued, a simple chuckle escaping your lips. 

“And after that, people started coming here all the time for their little make-out sesh.” Your hands stretched forward to make a point, and you rolled your eyes. 

“Even Billy took me here one time,” You murmured the Billy part, wanting to avoid the talk with Eddie because you knew neither of them liked each other, and you rarely, if ever, spoke about him with Eddie, while Billy always announced his distaste for Eddie, murmuring about how it was obvious that the “freak” just wanted to get in your pants.

“You know, Billy is one of those people who think I’m a bad influence on you because I’m a “freak” and “devil worshipper,” right, sweetheart?” You avoided his gaze.

You didn’t want to talk about Billy, at least not with Eddie, and not now. You just wanted one thing to yourself without him being involved, which seemed impossible.

You forced a smile. “Well, Billy is…” an asshole, an idiot, and sometimes a fucking narcissist, you wished to say, but you didn’t want to drag Eddie into your relationship problems. Billy was still your boyfriend, and in all honesty, your on and off relationship was something that no one actually understood.

Nancy gave Billy a glare each time he came around, Steve and Robin constantly reminded you how awful he was. But it didn’t matter, because you couldn’t let him go, each time he fucked you up in a different way, you went back to him.

You took him back because you didn’t know any better, you accepted him because love was supposed to be like this, wasn’t it? It was supposed to be a challenge, it was supposed to be fucking hard. It was supposed to be something to fight for.

But it was so…exhausting. Trying to get him to understand you, trying to get him to care, trying not to make him mad—walking on egg-shells each time you were around him.

And everything was so fucking different with Eddie; things were so uncomplicated with him and so fucking fun. You didn’t want to admit that you wanted that… that you wanted him. 

Because he was easy—and in the best possible way. He was so easy to love. He was safe and he made you feel safe. When he caressed your back, when he opened a door for you, when he let you walk in front of him with his hand ghosting over your lower back, when you asked him to hold your bag and he swung it over his shoulder. He laughed at things easily, he made you laugh easily. He listened intently, when you just wanted to open up for a bit, he was quiet; when you needed someone to talk to, he gave you all the advice in the world.

And more than anything, Eddie cared. He cared about you, in a way you had never been cared for before.

He brought a side out of you that you never knew existed; relaxed. He was gentle with you, he knew how to joke around, and he didn’t have any problems being who he was. He was open and nice; he didn’t get angry at everything, and it was just… nice to be around him.

You shook your head at your thoughts, “Billy is Billy.” You concluded, eyes fixed on the ground. Eddie just gave you a small smile, as if he understood your train of thought. His hands caressed your back reassuringly in a way that was telling you that it was okay to think what you were thinking, and it brought an imminent smile to your face, knowing that he would always be there for you.

You remembered that night clearly when the two of you drank an entire bottle of booze you stole, and smoked Eddie’s stash, bodies lazily laying next to each other, Skull Rock had the best view, stars filled the empty sky, and a crescent moon appeared between them.

It was relaxing, lying with Eddie, high out of your mind.

“There’s no way you think Honeycomb Cereal is the best breakfast food.” You shook your head as Eddie scoffed.

“I do! It counts as breakfast, and you can also eat it as a snack on its own, what more do you need?” He raised his brows, taking a puff from the joint sitting between his index fingers.

“Uh? I don’t know, waffles? Eggs and bacon? Actual good cereal?” You mocked, causing Eddie to nudge your side lightly.

“Oh, and which cereal does the princess think is the best?”

“Cinnamon Toast Crunch, of course,” You said proudly.

“You are disgusting.” Eddie scrunched his face. You shrugged with a grin on your face as you snatched the joint from his fingers, reaching for the lighter in his hand. And before you could even light the blunt sitting in your fingers, the carved lighter caught your attention.

It was a silver Zippo lighter with a dragon print and had scratches all over it. You scrunched your brows as you looked up at Eddie and said, “What the hell is this?” You held the lighter up, and Eddie seized it from your hands.

“A lighter?” He replied smugly, causing you to huff, “Where did you even get it?” Your curiosity peaked.

“Bummed it off a guy at the bar last night, pretty fuckin’ cool, huh?” He asked, getting excited as he showed you the print, the carving of the dragon was so detailed that you could basically count its scales.

“Stealing is considered cool?” You murmured, causing Eddie to give you a huff as he placed the lighter on the rock between the two of you, allowing you to get a more detailed look. 

“Really, Pinky?” He almost snorted. “How about you answer that one, because the tequila bottle you’re holding wasn’t paid for... If I remember correctly,” He mocked a thinking face, dimples ever-so apparent as he tried to contain his grin.

“I–We!” You expressed in a higher tone, “Didn’t steal that bottle because it was cool, doofus. We! did it because we’re poor.” You enunciated the ‘us’ part again before nudging his rib slightly and prodding, earning a “Hey!” from Eddie, who was ticklish. 

“Anyway.” You giggled, handing the lighter back to him with a grin on your face, “Would’ve been cooler if it was pink.” Eddie gave you a weird look.

“What?” You implored, shrugging carelessly.

“Pinky liking pink… what a surprise, huh?” He said sarcastically, causing you to groan.

“Don’t be such a guy, Munson,” You warned, you liked pink, but both of you knew that wasn’t why the nickname stuck. And it didn’t matter what it truly meant because you liked it. You liked that it was the only thing you had from them that didn’t leave—something that was truly yours, something that would never abandon you. 

“Oh, you know that’s not why, you doofus.” You rolled your eyes. “Have you ever seen a pink dragon?” You gushed, and Eddie shook his head. 

“See! Case closed.” You grinned.

“Pink dragons are cool,” You said with a determined face, and Eddie couldn’t help the grin that was plastered onto his face now.

You spent the rest of the night giggling like a bunch of kids over nothing, the chilling breeze of the Hawkins nights providing comfort to you that you had never felt before.

When your shivers hadn’t stopped, you heard Eddie sighing, “Okay, you are getting my jacket,” He insisted, annoyed, because you had refused his offer for a jacket a million times just because you didn’t want him to be cold.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head before you could open your mouth to refuse. Calloused hands quick to securely wrap his infamous black leather jacket around you. You looked up at him, a sympathetic gaze apparent, as you tried to refuse, tried to insist that he would get cold, but he didn’t accept it. “Better I freeze off than you.”

Your heart fluttered before it was apparent on your face, lips twitching into a warm, sickly sweet smile as you accepted, “Thank you,” You murmured, almost shyly. The jacket fell comfortably on your shoulders, a whiff of weed, beer and the old leather smell engulfed you, warmth taking over your entire body.

You liked the feeling of wearing something that was his. In fact, you liked it too much. Something about Eddie always provided some sort of security for you. He made you feel comfortable in your skin, like he was meant to be there for you, like he was supposed to help you, even when you repeatedly told him you didn’t need it. You cleared your throat to gather your thoughts, taking the joint in his hands as your head slowly but comfortably fell on his shoulders.

Taking a puff from it, you looked over at Eddie. “As soon as I graduate, I’m leaving this place.” You could feel his head turn toward you, his gaze almost burning its way through your hair. 

“Eight months, eight fucking months left.” Your tone was the most serious he had heard that night, and he couldn’t help but have a baffling look on his face. You had mentioned something about ‘leaving this hellhole’ before, but he never knew how serious you were, at least until now.

He shook his head quickly to gather his thoughts. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and scare you away, so he shrugged. “Fine, but you can’t abandon me, I’m coming with you.” His tone was nonchalant, and it brought a smile to your face.

“I would never leave without you.”

NOW.

You shook your head at the memories, at least you had achieved one of those things. You got out of the hellhole that was Hawkins as soon as you graduated, being selfish enough to not care about the ones you had left behind, but you needed to do whatever you could to survive, and you shouldn’t have to apologize for it, right?

Right?

It’s what you kept repeating to yourself, but there was one part of you that always felt guilty for leaving without a goodbye, cutting off all contact. And that guilt returned with Nancy’s invitation; you knew you couldn’t hold off on her wedding, no matter how much you wanted to escape the town that caused you agony.

Nancy was your best friend when you were living in Hawkins, she was there with you through everything, and the Wheelers were there when your parents abandoned you, inviting you to their home as if it were nothing. 

You've seen Nancy, Jonathan, Steve, and Robin several times in the last couple of years. Especially after Nancy told them the exact reason why you left, they understood and welcomed you. 

That’s what you loved about them; even though you spent some time apart, they would always be your best friend. And that is exactly why Nancy picked you as her maid of honor—because she knew you’d always be there. She trusted you with her whole life, and so did you. The two of you knew things about each other that no one else did. 

And I'll leave you lyin' on the bed I'll be out the door before you wake

You huffed when you turned the stereo off, the lyrics giving you a stupid familiar  feeling, like it was written about you and Eddie. Like Axl and Izzy were hiding somewhere in the California apartment you and Eddie stayed in right after you left, as if they witnessed you leaving him there. 

The song became an afterthought when you realized you actually had to go in now or one of Wheeler’s snobby neighbors would surely call the cops on you for suspiciously watching the house while hiding in your car like a coward.

Eddie was already in there.

What if everyone else was there too? 

Would they cuss you out and tell you to fuck off? 

You surely deserved it.

You cursed yourself when you exited the car, feet dragging you all the way to the door, knowing that you needed to do this. Inhaling a deep breath, you rang the bell, even the tune sounded the same, and the guilt inside of you started rising up again.

“Will you get that?” Nancy’s screaming voice could be barely heard from your side of the door, and your eyes immediately pressed shut together.

Please don’t let it be Eddie. Please don’t let it be Eddie. Please don’t let it be Eddie. Please don’t let it be Eddie. Please don’t let it be Eddie. Please don't let it be Eddie—

When the door swung open, the eyes that met yours blinked quickly, not knowing whether they were imagining it or not.

Your blinking eyes were quick to open widely as well, and a sigh of relief left your chest.

It wasn’t Eddie.

But it still wasn’t any better. Your face was quick to feel hot as your gaze met hers, and you felt ashamed. Not knowing what to say, you murmured a simple “Hey.”

Max stood in front of you with an unreadable expression, and you were afraid. For the first time, you were afraid of her.

Was she going to slam the door in your face? Was she just going to ignore you? 

You bit your lip out of nervousness at the silence, and just as you were about to open your mouth again, Max squealed—which you had never, ever heard her do before—as she wrapped her arms around you in a jump-like hug.

Your breath got caught in your lungs, and a hearty giggle escaped your plump lips as you embraced it, melting into the hug. 

“I can’t believe it.” She squealed, pulling away from the hug to see your face fully again, her eyes almost prickling with tears.

Jesus. She had grown up so fast.

Her face that fell around your shoulders felt weird now that she was so much taller and much closer to you in height. She looked different, and you couldn’t decide whether to feel ashamed or guilty about it.

Your eyes widened, almost in shock, you never expected to be perceived in any way positively, especially by Max. And she could sense that shock on your face, with the way your mouth visibly stood agape. 

“You-uh… you’re not mad?” You implored, eyes almost widening with the need to know. 

Her eyes softened, and the sorrows in your heart were quick to dissipate with it, she shook her head lightly, almost in an all-knowing way.  “Uhm- I-I know what happened.” She almost whispered, gaze falling toward the kitchen, implying that Nancy had already babbled about the day you left. 

Damn you, Nancy Wheeler. 

Your head popped up toward the kitchen, where Nancy was, as if you were going to run up to her, your cheeks fluttered with embarrassment, you never wanted Max to find out. 

“Don’t… please don’t be mad at her.” She turned your attention back to her with a gentle touch on your arm, easing your tense body with just one touch. 

“If she didn’t tell me what happened… I don’t think I’d even talk to you, Pinky.” She admitted shyly, your gaze on her still widening. 

“Wh-what exactly did she tell you?” You asked, you weren’t going to get mad at Nancy, you knew she didn’t have any malicious intentions, you just never wanted Max to know what her step-brother did. At least not until she was much older. Your brain almost short-circuited as you looked at her once again. She was already much older; you knew Nancy made the right call.

“Not much!” Max blurted quickly, maybe to ease your worries; maybe it was the truth. 

“Just that- uh-that… Billy did something horrible, and that you and Eddie left and then uh… the two of you went to.. uh—Chicago?” She stuttered, head hanging low before she looked back at you, trying to read your expressions.

“California,” You muttered.  “Uh-Los Angeles, to be exact.” You breathed, correcting her. Did she know more? Did she also know that you left Eddie after that, too? Did she know that you had been carrying the guilt of leaving Eddie, her and those four little idiots too? The only ones you didn’t have any contact with in the last five years?

“Is that… is that where you are now?” Her brows pinched together; she knew where you were—New York, Nancy had told her. But she just wanted to hear more from you, and you could sense it. 

You shook your head. “New York.” Your lips pursed together, and she gave you a slight nod as if to ask if there was anything else going on in your life, you caught it immediately. “My cousin helped me get this apartment, and she, uh, has this record shop there.” Max gave you a tight-lipped smile.

“And, uh, it has like a tattoo shop behind it—records by day and tattoos by night.” You revealed more, awkwardly, your stupid joke made you want to hit your head against the perfectly white marbled walls of the Wheeler’s. “I’m actually training to become a tattoo artist now,” You said with your gaze stuck on how much she had grown now, almost feeling embarrassed for some reason before Max’s gasp turned your attention back to her.

“No way.”

“Dude, you’re still so fucking cool.” She nudged your shoulder, and your face instantly lit up. All the worries in your head disappeared, giddiness replacing it when you realized Max still saw you as her cool older sister.

“You think so?” You teased, giving her a light-hearted chuckle, “Uh… yeah? Dude, you work at a record store that has a tattoo shop in the back… you invented cool at this point.” She encouraged, surprise and fascination washing over her face.

“If Mad Max says so” You teased, muffling her hair and earning whines from her. 

And you hated that it took you back to five years ago. Every stupid fucking thing you saw or did in this town made you take a trip down memory lane, but it was the worst with Max, because almost every memory with her had your head wandering off to the certain redhead’s step-brother. A chill ran down your spine at the idea of him even being back in town. But there was no fucking way, right? 

You had heard from Nancy that the Mayfield-Hargrove’s had moved out and returned to California by the time Max started going to college—somewhere far away from them. However, she and the other kids always returned to Hawkins in the summer. You assumed she wanted to reunite with her friends and that she was trying to avoid the step-fuckers—a nickname Max herself gave both Billy and Neil Hargrove.

“He-uh… He doesn’t know about the wedding, right? Or he isn’t… he isn’t back in town? Is he?” You stuttered eerily; you knew Nancy would never invite him, but you still wanted to make sure that he didn’t know about it or that he wouldn’t know you were back in town.

“No—god, no.” Max shook her head quickly. “He’s in California with the ‘parents’.” She scoffed. “He has no fucking clue.” She added.

And you nodded simply; one of your worries was now at ease.

“What about…” You trailed off, pretending to sound nonchalant about wanting to ask about Eddie, you were anything but as you fiddled with your fingers.

Max picked up on it immediately. “Eddie?” she asked almost smugly, making you nod quickly—too quickly to appear nonchalant.

“Oh!” She grinned, making your cheeks feel hot.

Damn it. How did he still have this effect on you without even being present?

“He came like an hour ago. The last I saw him he was arguing with Dustin about their nerdy game.” She rolled her eyes slightly. 

“Oh, uhm, that’s—that’s good…” You said unsurely, you knew he was here, because of his stupid van that was parked outside just behind your car, but what the fuck were you even going to do when you did eventually see him. 

Would you pretend like nothing happened?

Would he pretend like nothing happened?

How the fuck were you supposed to do that when your feelings for him were still all over the place? You already felt dumb for not managing to get over him in the last five years, it just seemed impossible considering how things were left off.

You cleared your throat, turning your attention to Max. You didn’t need Eddie to cloud your mind right now, the guilt of abandoning Max still filled your stomach.

“Max…” You caught her attention softly, and almost as if she knew you were going to bring up the subject, a pout overtook her features. 

“I—I’m sorry…” You started, voice shaky. “I fucked up, I should have let you know... A message, a call, a note… Jesus—anything.” Your voice was meek, causing you to gulp.

“I should have done something, I—Fuck… I don’t know what to say, just that I’m really sorry.” You were stumbling over your own words when your vision got blurry, eyes glossy as you looked up at her.

“Pinky…” She muttered comfortingly, you didn’t expect this kindness from her that you thought you were unworthy of. You had left her without anything, and she still greeted you with open arms.

Maybe you were wrong. Maybe people could forgive you, maybe they could forget. Maybe Eddie would laugh it off. 

“I know that…” She offered a sympathetic gaze. “I knew deep down that you would never leave without a goodbye if it wasn’t important.” She gulped, physically, that familiar lump in her throat returned with the emotional weight her words held. 

“I’m not a kid anymore.” Max gave you a small smile. “I know how hard that must’ve been for you, okay?” Her hands were quick to take yours into hers, fingers gently soothing you. “I don’t blame you. So don’t fucking blame yourself… I know how you get.” Her hands stood on your shoulder now, shaking you lightly in the guise of making you feel better. 

A poor smile appeared on your lips, Max possibly didn't realize how much her words mattered to you, how you needed to relieve yourself of the guilt. One gesture from her almost enough to heal the wound that coming back to Hawkins split open deep inside of you. 

“Oh my god!” Nancy’s shriek caused you to turn around. 

“Pinky, finally!” Her voice beamed, and before you even got a chance to say anything, she engulfed you in a hug.

 “I was about to lose it,” She whispered into the hug before her eyes widened at you and Max.

“Shit…” She muttered, knowing Max had probably already told you that she blabbed about your disappearance.

“I was going to mention that…” She tilted her head adorably, a shy smile adorning her lips as you brushed it off with a laugh.

“Don’t worry about it, Nance.” You waved your hands in dismissal. “I can’t be pissed at you for anything… at least for the next five days…” You hummed. 

“You better use your wedding privileges wisely.” You said, throwing her a wink, as you pulled away from the hug. 

Your hands rubbed together quickly. “So... uh–where’s everyone?” You stammered, you were mostly asking about Eddie, but you also wanted to know where the hell Steve and Robin were. You missed those two idiots who were attached at the hip. They could calm you down better than anyone.

“The other kiddos are only going to be able to make it to the rehearsal dinner and the actual wedding.” She pouted, knowing that she planned a five day full of activities for all the people closest to her and Jonathan, but Mike, Lucas, El and Will were all going to miss it. 

She huffed. “And uhhh… Steve and Robin are coming later tonight.” 

“You remember we got that brunch thing at Steve’s tomorrow, right?” She asked, eyes squinting with doubt, before her arms crossed against her chest. 

You almost groaned, head falling back. Fucking Steve and his stupid brunch plan. 

“How could I forget?” You said through pressed lips, trying your best to seem enthusiastic, it wasn’t that you had a problem with it—it was because you were nervous, so fucking nervous to be in the same close proximity of Eddie again.

“And Jonathan should be...” She eyed the backyard. “Yup, in the backyard with the band. I left all the band planning to him.” She shrugged, making your eyebrows quirk. 

Shit. She really did fucking love Jonathan, didn’t she? She would’ve never let anyone meddle with her own plans otherwise. 

“Uhh–Dustin and… the others–” Her voice slightly cracked, and you instantly knew she was talking about Eddie. 

“They’re-uh they’re just in the basement… uh—getting something I needed.” She nervously scratched her head. “I’m sure they’ll—uh… say hi when they can.” She gave you a nervous smile, eyeing Max before turning her attention to you.

And just like clockwork, just as Nancy started to babble more about the plans she had for the five days you were supposed to be in Hawkins, her words were quickly interrupted by the loud voice of Dustin, “Shut up!”

“Shut the fuck up!” He exclaimed excitedly as you gave him a slight giggle.

“I wasn’t talking,” You joked, and before you could get another word out, Dustin squeezed you in a tight hug, causing more giggles and excited squeaks to escape your lips.

“Looks like somebody missed me, huh?” You raised a brow.

“What have you been up to, Dustybun?” You asked with a sly smirk, causing Dustin to cringe at the nickname.

“Me? Jesus, you’ve been gone for five years, and you’re asking what I’ve been up to?” You shrugged.

“Where the fuck have you been?” You couldn’t pinpoint if it was genuine curiosity or a slight anger lingering in his tone.

“New York,” Max spoke before you, the attention in the room shifting towards her. 

“She’s a tattoo artist now.” She exclaimed excitedly, causing Dustin’s eyes to widen.

“You?” He questioned, causing Nancy to join in and nod in excitement.

“No fucking way!”

“Well, I’m not exactly—”

“Dude, that’s so fucking cool!” Dustin gushed, interrupting you.

“Man, I knew those sketches were too cool to let them go to waste on Eddie’s bedroom walls,” He snorted, but your brows quipped, his bedroom walls? Did he still keep those? 

“You have to tattoo me,” He raved, interrupting your thoughts as you stared at him in disbelief.

“No way, do you want Miss Henderson to kill me?” You huffed, crossing your arms against your chest.

“Oh, come on, just one little favor?” He pouted.

“Nuh-uh! The last time you asked me for a favor, she chided me for months, months!” You emphasized, “She even left me one too many voicemails scolding me!” Dustin sighed.

 “How about something not-too-big? Like the bat one you did for Eddie, it looks so fucking—”

“You talkin’ bout me, Henderson?” A voice rang from the basement, and the slight sound of his footsteps dragging closer and closer toward the two of you caused you to stop dead in your tracks. You always knew Dustin was too loud for his own good.

You gulped, physically, and that lump in your throat reclaimed its place, his voice caused further suffocation in your throat, not being able to breathe when you could recognize that husky tone anywhere.

But it felt different.

Something about him felt different.

Your brain was struggling to comprehend a thought, your mouth had dried up, and it was getting harder to breathe.

“Dude... you could not rock a tattoo like me, no matter how fuckin' hard you—” And there was a pause, a small hitch in Eddie’s breath, as he finally realized who Dustin was talking to. And you could feel that hesitation, that uncomfortable tension filling the room that was once comfortable.

“Pinky?” You could recognize him just by his footstep alone, but now you’re sure it’s him, the nickname still rolling off his tongue so easily and sugary, like you had never left, like everything was okay again.

You’re slow to turn to face him, heart pounding with worry before you fully take him in, trying to decide his facial expressions, waiting for the anger, disappointment, shame, and fury.

You cannot place what his gaze holds, but you have missed the small glimmer in his eyes, the same one he always had when he saw you, so promising, so mellow that you feel your heart tightening.

You take him in now more than ever, his cheekbones are hollow and his face is more defined. He has so much more muscle on him, and it makes you question how long he has been working out.

His hair still lays messily on his forehead, bangs framing his face perfectly. Black jeans paired with a band-tee, and not just any band-tee, a Corroded Coffin shirt that unintentionally has you smiling. His dark brown eyes are mesmerizing as ever, eyelashes fluttering as he tries to accept the sight in front of him. Trying to make sure that he isn’t hallucinating, that you are actually here.

He looks good, so good that you can feel your mouth dry up, words getting stuck in your throat, the guitar pick necklace adorning his neck makes you want to pull him closer toward you.

You study him more than you should; those deep brown eyes are staring at you like a deer in headlights.

When he takes a step closer, gaze still locked to yours, you feel as if your souls have made a bridge, one you weren’t sure if you would be able to mend.

Close. He’s very close, but still, not close enough, not to your liking anyway. You want to be close enough to take him in wholly; you want him to engulf you in his arms, protecting you from all that’s bad in the world, feeling every ounce of him. The one person you had been yearning for was standing a foot away from you, and it was truly painful.

“You came,” Was all that left his plump lips, his gaze was still soft. He was as nervous as you are, something that you didn’t manage to pick up on. 

If only he knew why you had to abandon him, maybe he would understand… Maybe he would even rid you of your guilt.

“Y-yeah, I did,” You stuttered.

“Max, Dustin!” Nancy announced. “Why don’t you two help me in the back?” Nancy threw a look that both of them understood immediately, running off after her without another word exchanged.

The incessant throb in Eddie’s heart returned when his attention turned back to you, he knew you would come, but he didn’t know how much that would crush him.

That rage in him, bubbling up at the surface, subsided quickly when you gave him that gentle look. “What��s Dustin yapping about?” He asked with a chuckle, attempting to lighten the mood and ease his own worries.

“Oh— uhm… just that he wanted me to tattoo him,” You couldn’t help the nervous crack in your voice.

“You? Oh my god, you finally did it?” 

“Well… not exactly.” You gave him an awkward chuckle. “I’m training to be one, though.” You shrugged. 

“You know I’m a happy customer of yours.” He gave you a smile before he flashed his forearm, showing you the bat tattoo that you gave him five years ago.

He had much more tattoos now, but the bat tattoo you gave him still stood out among the thousand others on his forearm, at least it did to you. “Oh!” He breathed, attention diverting to something else as his hands fiddled behind him. He dug them in his back pocket, he struggled to get something it out. “Aha!” He exclaimed, waving the worn out notebook in front of your curious gaze. “But I’m definitely not giving you the ‘Promise’ notebook back!” 

Your pupils dilated at the sight; he still had it. He still had the notebook that your stupid sketches were sprawled all over. You gave it to him sometime during senior year, when he was having some trouble with his songwriting process. Your parents got you that notebook as a joke as soon as they saw the handwritten ‘Promise’ on the front, a silly play on your nickname. And you wanted him to have it; you wanted it to inspire him as much as it did you; your art mattered, and you wanted him to see that, so did his. 

“You… you still have that?” You asked, an astonished look still not leaving your features. “Yeah, it really played a key role on our first album.” He beamed. A crimson red blush was quick to wash over his cheeks; he wasn’t sure if he should’ve told you that or let you in this quickly when you left him on a whim in LA. 

“But… that’s— that’s still so fucking cool, Pinky,” His eyes widened, he shook off his thoughts in a flash. He had missed you, so fucking much—more than he let you on.

“So I’ve been told.” You meant to sound nonchalant. 

“What have you been up to?” You asked as if you didn’t know, as if you didn’t try to gather some information about him from Nancy and Jonathan. As if you didn’t listen to their album the second it came to your record shop.

“Just making some music, here and there.”

It was a lie.

He knew it was a lie, and you knew it was a lie.

Eddie made it big after the last time you saw him, signing onto the biggest record label and releasing an album that became way bigger than even his group had intended to.

“You don’t have to be so humble, I know how big you guys have made it.” You offer him a slight smile.

“Maybe a little bit.” He gestures with his hands, causing you to giggle. “Even had a gig here last week, the crowd was crazy.”

“It’s funny, though.” He murmured, causing you to raise your brows. “All the fuckin’ people at Hawkins who called me a freak and tried to shun me out was screaming my name... pretty weird fuckin’ feeling, huh?” He shrugged.

“I guess I know how the popular princess feels now,” He teased.

You nudged him slightly, “Guess you’re the popular boy of Hawkins now, huh?” He gave you a slight smile, and it felt comfortable, he was so easy to be with.

“Yeah, Jonathan worked really hard to get us for this wedding thing, you know?” He joked, giving a slight smirk.

“You and Jonathan, huh?”

“I don’t even know how you guys became best friends.” You added, wanting to joke.

“Yeah, I guess a lot happens when you don’t abandon people.” Ouch. You guessed you had deserved that one, but it still hurt to see him think of you this way, the entire atmosphere of the room had shifted, the casual conversation you had wasn’t as genuine as you thought it was, and you could see that he was hurt.

You knew he would be angry, but this seeming grudge wasn’t what you were hoping for. Maybe it was selfish of you, but you wanted him to miss you, tell you that he wanted to be with you, engulfing you in his arms as he spun you around, muttering how much he loved you.

But that wasn’t realistic, was it?

You gulped, feeling awkward, and now it was Eddie’s turn to feel bad. He internally cringed as he saw the look on your face, he knew that look so well. The way you played with your hair for some sort of comfort, he could sense that the guilt was eating away at you.

“I— I guess I deserved that.” You forced a smile, chuckling ironically, sensing the visible shift in Eddie’s face, the initial shock of reuniting with you wearing off, and his anger and hurt taking over. 

The tension that lingered in the air was interrupted by Jonathan swinging open the sliding door in the backyard and the four people standing behind him.

Before you could comprehend who they were, a squealing voice caused you to turn around, and a blonde-haired woman brushed past you. “Eds!” She called out, walking toward Eddie.

You looked up to see Jonathan leading Gareth, Jeff, and Frank to the backyard, telling them something about their gig, but you could care less as you stood still in your place, eyes glued on how Eddie greeted the girl, focus shifting solely on her as his hands caressed her shoulders, comforting her, as if you weren’t there, as if he didn’t care.

That screeching voice sounded familiar, but you couldn’t tell who the hell she was supposed to be when all you could see was her back and Eddie’s hands ghosting over her waist.

You were starting to feel small, trapped in your own body, with nowhere to go. Why was she hugging Eddie? Why were they so fucking close?

When she finally turned around, tucking her straight blonde hair behind her ears, glimmering blue eyes met yours, and you immediately realized who it was.

Chrissy.

The same Chrissy that was your supposed friend in high school, the same Chrissy who suddenly turned on you and made your life a living hell in senior year.

That’s why you didn’t recognize her—the strawberry blonde color she had was now more vanilla, and you hated to admit that she looked pretty—too fucking pretty.

Your eyes were narrowed with distaste; you had no right to be jealous, but you were powerless against that ugly emotion when it came to Eddie, swelling your chest way quicker than you intended to and stinging you harder as you struggled to keep a forced smile on your lips. 

Huffing, your mind drifted to Eddie. Surely he wouldn’t want anything to do with her, you decided. He knew some of the horrible things she did to you during your senior year, so there was no fucking way he would want anything to do with her.

Right?

“Oh my god, Pinky!” She squealed once again when she saw you, and you wanted to chuckle bitterly. With your tongue rolling inside your cheek, you tried to keep your damn mouth shut. She didn’t get to call you that nickname. Not when she did all of that during your senior year.

You didn’t return the hug she forced you into, eyes drifting to Eddie who was now avoiding your gaze. Lips pursed shut as he twisted his rings. Something weird was going on, and your stomach churned at the thought.

When Chrissy’s forced embrace on you ended, you barely forced a smile, and with a dead look on your face, you waited for her to disappear.

Why was she even here?

Who even invited her?

Running up to Nancy and asking her what the fuck she was thinking inviting her here would’ve been an exaggeration, you realized.

As envious thoughts sank further and further into your head, you realized something was wrong now. The way Chrissy leaned in to whisper something in Eddie's ear, giggling as she threw her head back.  

It meant something. It was like a sick feeling of deja-vu. A sinking feeling twisted your stomach, and a pang of insecurity gnawed at it. Your jaw clenched involuntarily; Eddie didn't even spare a glance in your direction. His attention was fully on her, and a wave of rage surged within you, threatening to overflow. The need to separate them, to pull her away from him, was almost unbearable.

Still, you knew you couldn’t do anything, and that was what made your blood boil, Eddie was nothing to you, he wasn’t even a friend to you—at least not anymore, something that you made sure of five years ago.

And before you could say or do anything more,

Chrissy smashed her lips against Eddie’s.

[mizu-nights]

HIIII

Your finally open again 🫶🫶🫶

Can i request a tsukasa, rui and nene x reader (separate) and the plot is something like the song “something stupid” more specifically the verse “ the time is right your perfume fills my head the stars are read and oh the nights so blue, and then i go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like i love you “

Thank you xxxx I’ve missed youuu

♬ now playing: "i love you..."

-> saying you love them so suddenly, so unexpectedly... are you trying to give them a heart attack?

★ — chars ; tsukasa , rui , nene

★ — notes ; HELLO H :333 finally writing this. VERY SORRY FOR THE WAIT!!!! lowkey got rlly excited to write this then BAAM. SCHOOL WORK EVERYWHERE.!!!! also listen to the song on loop as i was writing (michael buble's cover ft reese witherspoon bc i LOVE michael buble's voice) and it got me in the mood!!! I HOPE U LIKE READING THIS AS MUCH AS I LOVED WRITING IT!!!

★ — warnings ; open endings for all of them (nothing rlly insane lol) , otherwise none!

★ — taglist ; @asherenjoysart , @nogenderbee , @akitosheart , @nenes-numberonefan , @mintchocaur

affiliated with @virtualbookstore ★

★ track one: tenma tsukasa

the day before, tsukasa had invited you to go with this festival with him. there'd be lights, games, prizes... just about any other regular festival.

and yet, here you are with him. people around you are chattering, 'you won!' sound effects can be heard blaring around the entire area.

... surely, if you dropped the 'L' word, he wouldn't hear it.

"...i love you, tsukasa."

a soft yet sad smile can be seen on your expression. you really just said that for no reason, didn't you? how silly.

well, that was what you thought until tsukasa turned back at you, with this bright red blush on his face. yep, definitely heard you.

"...you do?"

this might be the most quiet you've heard from the boy. you were surprised he could even say something like that in such a meek voice.

it's all up to you now. do you want to admit it, change your friendship with him, or would you rather deny it and go back to square one?

★ track two: kamishiro rui

like every other day, you go hang out with rui as he's working on robots for a future show. as always, he appreciates your company. you're a good friend to him, and you also don't touch his works in progress without letting him know.

... also, you tend to ask him questions as he works. not too many to distract him, of course. he finds that rather cute, whether you believe it or not.

he also finds you keeping him company endearing, making sure he doesn't feel lonely... and it seems like you have similar feelings.

"i love you."

is what you thought you thought to yourself, but when rui looked back at you with a startled look on your face, you suddenly realize that you, in fact, said it out loud.

"i meant- i meant your inventions! your work... it's really impressive, rui."

great save there. he totally believed that. especially with how much you stammered.

"oh, that's disappointing. i was about to say the same back to you."

rui had that signature smirk of his, though this one... you could easily tell he lacks the regular cool, level-headedness it usually has.

whatever his intention was, it ended up making you blush in the process. this guy is really going to be the death of you, isn't he?

★ track three: kusanagi nene

you really can't shut your mouth, can you? the original plan was to simply help nene memorize her lines, making sure everything sounded smooth.

yet now you found yourself gazing at her adoringly. one thing led to another, and you just had to tell her that-

"i love you."

it was as if time stopped. you cover your mouth with your hand, gasping with surprise. nene wasn't any different—she was in total disbelief. and if that wide-eyed look on her face told you anything...

"...it's the next character's lines. i'm just... trying to help, yeah?"

the awkward smile on your face didn't make your words any more believable. not to mention, nene has already scanned over the script, she already knows what the actual line is!

"...i love you too."

... that wasn't nene's line. mostly because that wasn't even the other line to begin with, but when nene said that...? oddly suspicious, in the best way possible.

when you finally have the courage to gaze at her once more, you can even catch a glimpse of her subtle yet gentle smile.

"that's my line, after yours."

in a way, she wasn't wrong.

[cometkenji]

Virginia vampire - 1/2

Pairing: Aaron Hotch x vampire!fem!reader Cw: SLOWBURN BRO, descriptions of hunting/blood consumption, angst, fluff, non-descriptive mentions of an abusive dad, cursing, typical criminal minds violence, possible ED trigger (more in disclaimer), idk bro you tell me Summary: You escaped your scientist father when you were 17. When requested by Quantico PD to deal with a stemming serial killer, you realize you recognize the wounds. You used to be the one inflicting them. Disclaimer 1: Reader is chubby! She's not physically described here at all but a fat woman is always the MC. Disclaimer 2: Reader lives strictly on blood. This story discusses themes of intense bloodlust/hunger, UNINTENTIONAL avoidance of blood (food), and physical consequences due to not eating (more so in the next chapter). This is NOT pro-ana or anything like that, and while these themes are explicitly negative, they are still there and may affect those struggling. Please look after yourself, this is all fantasy and is not meant to trigger you. That's all <3 WC: 9.6k - read part 2 here Like I said, please head the disclaimer as I would hate for anyone to feel negatively about this. I personally have struggled with a restrictive ED and would not write/publish anything I felt would trigger/contribute to pro-ED rhetoric. I'm actually rlly proud of this one I think it's cool and neat and I'm excited to share. I also looped eat your young by Hozier while writing this so would recommend as ambiance. Enjoy <33

The Quantico streets seemed to get darker the more you came out. It was late - technically early, as midnight had passed two hours ago - but still a time of pungent heathenism. Nobody out at this hour had good intentions. You knew yours were certainly questionable, discreetly following a man decked in club attire as he stumbled his way down the street. This was the worst part - having to stalk behind them, giving you nothing but time to humanize them in your head. He was probably going home, back to safety. The process of hiding a body is one you could recite with your eyes closed. It’s bitter and metallic, but familiar, and you seemed to project that harbored guilt onto him. It wasn’t as though he’d never see that safety again, you didn’t kill people anymore. Your unusual diet required this type of robbery, but you’d busted your ass for almost three years to figure out the perfect amount. The amount that keeps you just on the cusp of living, closer to death than most but still able to function effectively. The number of times you felt a heart cease it’s beating against your lips because you went too far would strike envy in the evilest of individuals. The amount you took was pure necessity - a full syringe, never a drop more. It would last you about half the week when rationed out. It was livable, doable, only ever being a problem if you couldn’t get more the exact night you needed to. 

You hated preying on drunks, the alcohol in their blood making it taste rancid, but this was the easiest target you could ask for. Beggars can’t be choosers. He took a moment to catch his breath after he nearly toppled over, and you saw your opportunity on a silver platter. Contrary to the movies, stealth was not an inherent trait you get when you live on blood, you’d gained yours from experience. You never liked being so good at this, but as you rendered the man unconscious and silenced his fall to the ground, you relished in the fact that you were. The days of amateur hunting were long over, and the cries of people as the blood rushed from their necks are ones that echo - ones that sit with you. 

You dragged the man to the innards of the closest alley, propping him against the wall and rolling up his jacket sleeve. You took off the bag hanging from your shoulders, removing a syringe and a flashlight. Since you hunted at night, it was impossible to find a vein without lighting. It was something you realized quick when you made the switch from neck to wrist. You turned the thing on, clamping it between your teeth and angling it down at his arm. Growing up with the world’s cruelest biologist as a father, you were well versed in the world of human anatomy per his insistence. You watched the vial fill with liquid, cursing your entire situation for being so despicable. The only way to properly describe your father was Frankenstein, eagerly allowing his only child to grow into the role of his monster. He’d handcrafted your DNA in a petri dish, ensuring that malice was weaved throughout your most instinctual needs. He was a well off man, respectively referred to as the brightest mind in our current age. He’d gained fame after presenting his magnum opus - the invention of literal vampirism. Somehow, something only he knew how to do, he’d made a string of DNA that derived the body’s energy from the nutrients in blood. He started with insects, impregnating beetles with the specific code, making embryos that fed purely on blood of the same species, which manifested into a hostile blood lust once the thing was born. He’d reached rodents and promised he would be ending his tests there, not wanting to breach the topic of morality and push forward with mammals. Unfortunately, your father was as honest as he was kind, so here you were. 

You finished the extraction and pulled the needle from the man’s flesh, apologizing profusely under your breath. You patched him up, a bandaid over the small hole, and hid him amongst some garbage bags. Nobody out at this hour had good intentions, and you weren’t about to offer them a possible victim for whatever desire they may be looking to express. You hated that you had to hurt him at all, no matter how minimally. The least you could do was shield him from the people who truly intended harm. You tossed the now full syringe back into your bag, the flashlight following a second later, and exited the alley. The only thing that kept your feet moving was the few days of peace you would get now that you had food. Your head pounded with the feeling of blood just sitting in your bag, the body full of blood laying defenseless just a few feet away. It was a battle you fought everyday, seeing those closest to you as two separate entities - one was a person you loved, one just a plethora of functioning veins and arteries. Their lifeforce was the closest thing to ambrosia you could imagine. It’d taken you years to get control, though, and you refused to undo that for a couple minutes of gratification. You couldn’t. Losing control would grant your father the victory he ached for, and you would die before letting that happen. You rushed to walk away, choosing to propel yourself with the image of his disappointed face rather than the breathing blood bag leaning on a dumpster. He’d killed your mother before you even got to know her, you refused to be the reason someone didn’t get to know their parent.

–

The BAU was an unwelcome sight when the time was five in the morning instead of your usual seven. You’d been ushered to the building by a sleep deprived JJ, spouting off different remarks of remorse for the early hour but needing the team there immediately. The whole table seemed to share in the disdain, as half of them could barely hold their eyes open and the other half were practically chugging shitty break-room coffee. Aaron was, surprisingly, the last to walk in. Greeting everyone with attempted normalcy while visibly fighting off his own exhaustion. His hair was messy, his torso lacking the coverage of his uniform baggy blazer. The sight of him slightly unkempt from the spontaneity of the gathering caused the air to flee from your lungs. You’d had a bit of a staring problem since you started working here, but his appearance now displayed a casualness that was making you dizzy. The deviation from his standard presentation felt strangely intimate, a more personal version of him. You looked away quickly, you had to. He took his spot next to you, having reserved that place for himself when you were first hired. He greeted you personally once he sat down, something for just the two of you. You had looked at him, about to reciprocate when JJ officially started the meeting. 

“Good morning, everyone. I’m sorry for the early start but we’ve been urgently requested by our local PD. They think we’ve got the start of a serial killer, three bodies were found last night with the same MO.”

“Three bodies?” Morgan’s words were laced with bewilderment. “As in three people were actually killed or three bodies were dumped?” The table knew what he was getting at. Three murders in a single night was quite the task. Especially considering the police had to find the bodies, meaning no pedestrian had seen anything worth reporting.

“They’ve left the crime scenes untouched for us, but they’re betting all of them happened in the same time span.”

As if he could read your mind, Hotch asked the main question that’d been circling your mind. “How are they being killed?”

“That’s why we’ve been asked for.” JJ started distributing files containing the crime scene details. “All the victims so far have the same stab wound in their carotid. Nothing had been stolen, and they were all found in alleyways. For the amount of blood that comes with puncturing an artery, there wasn’t a drop found at the scene.” 

“No signs of torture?” Morgan was looking at the photos as he asked, double checking the information he was reading in the file.

“All of them were basically untouched from the neck down. There weren’t even indications of defense.” JJ shook her head as she spoke. “This guy definitely gets the jump on them.”

“A blitz attacker.” Prentiss concluded, closing her file as she reached the end of it. “Any witnesses?”

“None.” The worst answer JJ could have. “Police found them while on patrol.” 

“Alright.” Hotch stood from his seat. “Prentiss, Morgan, I want you at the first scene.” The agents nodded at the orders, exiting the room to complete the task. He looked towards Spencer, drawing his attention away from the file as he addressed him. “When Rossi gets here I want you guys at the second body.”  The man just uttered a “got it” and looked back down, waiting on Rossi’s presence to start moving. Aaron’s eyes made their way to you. “I want you with me. We’re gonna go meet the officers at the latest discovery.” You couldn’t meet his eyes, feigning preoccupation with closing your folder and simply muttering a noise of agreement before standing. 

“I told the press to keep it quiet. Last thing we need is word of a mini spree leaking to the public.” JJ informed the remaining people of this on her way out, peeking her head back through the door to say it before returning to her office. You watched Rossi finally show up and retrieve Reid from the conference room as you were leaving, heading to the car with Aaron close behind. 

Once you were buckled into the passenger seat, you started talking. “Three bodies in under twelve hours. Haven’t heard those numbers since the Barly Butcher in ‘64.” 

“Let’s hope it doesn’t reach that.” His eyes, although you couldn’t see them, went slightly vacant at the thought. He couldn’t imagine dealing with that level of killer in the modern age - he certainly didn’t want to. “One was too many. God knows we don’t need a Quantico butcher.”

You couldn’t imagine either. “No kidding.” The drive wasn’t shaping up to be a long one, seven minutes went by and you were already approaching the flashing lights of cop cruisers. You got out of the car, the sheriff swiftly coming over to talk. She had thanked you for taking the case, grateful that her precinct wouldn’t be dealing with this one alone. There were CSI already there, but you slid gloves on your hand and headed towards the body regardless. They were respectful, allowing you control of the scene, walking away as you got closer to give you space. 

You turned the woman’s neck slightly to get a better view of the injury, the image shaking the ground beneath your feet and causing the water in your tear ducts to form a haze over your eyes. There were teeth marks around the incision. Such a minor indent that it was no surprise it went over looked. You could see it because you’d once been the cause of such a thing. The closer you examined, the more parallels you drew to your beginner days. The skin around the wound was curling upwards, a sign of applied suction. No wonder they couldn’t find any blood, it’d been sucked out. You nearly fell off your feet from where you were crouching. The unsub clearly knew enough about the human body to inflict such a precise cut, pair that with the obvious motivation to feed and you got the bone-chilling realization currently seeping through you. He’d made another one. You had a sibling, and he was hungry.

–

When the regroup was called back at headquarters, you lead an uninformed and slightly confused Aaron to meet the rest of the team. He’d noticed your determination at the scene, questioning your findings and being eager to get back when you made him wait to hear about it. You wasted no time as you entered the room, pulling up the image on the big screen to properly show them your theory. 

“The unsub is drinking their blood.” Looks of defeat and absurdity were present in all of their eyes, but you continued explaining, zooming in so close that the image went slightly blurry. “If you look close enough there are teeth prints around the wound, not bite marks, but the type of print you get from resting your teeth around the wound and applying pressure. The edges of the wound are curling in and up, so it can be assumed some type of suction followed the stabbing.” Most of the team was squinting at the screen, absorbing the details you pointed out and already trying to form a timeline, a motive - something. “That’s why they couldn’t find any blood. It was consumed.”

“So we’re dealing with a vampire?” Morgan sighed, his eyes detailing a reluctant belief. He couldn’t argue with your theory yet, it was the only logical thing they had. “Maybe we should visit your dad, Y/n.” 

You scoffed at the quip, images of the man throughout your early life flashing through your head. “Funny.” You furrowed your brows at him. “You’d have to find him first.” You had slipped from his grasp when you were seventeen. The home you spent your childhood in was vacant a few years later, effectively severing all your remaining knowledge of his life. You’d never had any way to contact him, only the relics of his stories that refused to leave you. The only thing he ever spoke about was himself, and most of his tales were burned into your memory like a branding. If you were honest, you’re surprised he’d never physically branded you, he’d surely thought about it. The dread started to build in your gut. You handled most cases with a healthy distance, some could regard it as a coldness but you preferred the simplicity of your process. This, however, was impossible to deal with impersonally. This threw you headfirst into a situation you had never bothered to prep for. Not only would you be seeing how your team feels about what was essentially an early version of you, but you didn’t want to prosecute this unsub. His path was one you walked for years before acquiring the life you have now. You hadn’t been a villain, there was a high chance he wasn’t either. The bloodlust was controllable, he just needed someone to teach him. Pursuing him with the vigor of a typical unsub would wreck you. You felt protective, almost maternal. Your father had made another monster, but that didn’t have to mean they live a life of his design. You could get him out.

“Can I speak with you?” You hadn’t even noticed the analytical gaze Aaron held, too focused on your own internal spiraling. “Outside?” He motioned his head towards the hallway, instructing you to follow him.

You always felt like a kid in the principal’s office when he called you away from the team. “What’s up?” You hadn’t even waited for him to fully shut the door before you prompted the conversation. You were fully prepared to raise hell and high water to find your unsub, and you needed all the time you could get.

“Is something going on?” He always took extra time to check on your wellbeing. You figured at first it was pity, some type of undermining or an indication he thought you were less equipped for the job than others. He’d never hinted at any of those, always showing genuine concern for you, and eventually you stopped thinking he had ulterior motives. “You’ve been skittish and antsy since you saw the body. You’re speaking faster and can’t look me in the eyes. You’re nervous. Why?”

“Hotch.” You sighed his name, and he tilted his head, leaning in slightly as though pulled in by the sound. “I am nervous. There were three people murdered last night. If this guy is drinking the blood of his victims seconds after he kills, there’s no predicting how long the cool-down will be. He could strike again tonight or he could be gone for weeks. I don’t want more people losing their lives because we waited around too long. I need to figure this out.”

He could tell you were withholding something, you saw it in the way he looked at you. Thankfully, though, he allowed you to keep your secret. Breathing out a sigh of his own and just nodding. “You know where to find me if you want to talk.” 

You held back the look of pure adoration you wanted to send his way, settling for the appropriate neutrality. “I know.”

You both rejoined the team shortly after, ignoring the curious looks of your coworkers and instead inserting yourself into the conversation. Reid went over the typical blood fetishists, along with the multiple philias and phobias associated with blood consumption. All of them falling flat in one way or another. You suggested swabbing the victim’s neck for traces of saliva, Prentiss calling to request the task be performed the second you’d said it. With hours going by and the promise of lab results by tomorrow, you all said your goodbyes. You said a silent prayer under your breath for a body-less night and drove home with a plan. If he was like you, he’d be out again tonight, and you had every intention of finding him.

–

This was the first time in your life you’d ever felt thankful for your knowledge of nightlife. Patrol was amping up, tonight it was one too many cop cars on the street. Tomorrow it could be officers searching the area on foot. With no way to predict the criminal, there was also no way to predict the response, and that was scary as hell. Any attempts they were making to stop him from feeding would affect you just as bad. There hadn’t been a single event since you started hunting more ethically that you’d had to break routine. You wanted to help him, but you also needed to stop him from fucking up your regimen. You were wandering, aimless and anxious. You tried connecting to whatever energetic wavelength you might have with him considering your partial relation, getting nothing but a firm reminder of why that stuff wasn’t considered fact. You ducked away from the second police cruiser of the night, just barely evading the lights before their illumination painted your face red and blue. The alley was a welcoming partner, allowing her shadows to drape over you and create a solitude unique to that darkness. You’d heard the noises a second later - panting, consistent and ragged, followed by a period of silence before resuming. You clicked on your flashlight, shining it maybe ten feet ahead of you and feeling like someone threw sand in your eyes. He was here, dressed in jeans and a black zip-up, hood over the back of his head. You wouldn’t have been able to see him even if his hood was down - he was crouched over a woman, shoulders hunched and mouth greedily stealing what little life she had left to give. He was so small, you physically felt your lips curl in sorrow when you realized he couldn’t be more than fifteen. The woman’s fingers were still flexed, and you assumed she’d died less than a minute ago by her arm placement. They were crooked at the elbow but weirdly resting on the assailant, as though she’d been gripping his shoulders before her strength blew out with the wind. 

You waited, just a moment, stilling to see what move - if any - he would make. He was completely entrenched in his task, but you were surprised your light hadn’t set him off yet. It was only when the river ran dry that he seemed to notice your voyeurism. His head snapped in your direction so fast that you jumped on your feet a little. You thought back to how volatile you’d been in his shoes, deciding the best way to approach him would be that of a rabid animal. You inched closer, seeing him mirror you with a slight back-step. 

“Hey.” You talked quietly, breathily, trying to subdue any dominant undertones you could be carrying. “I need you to listen to me, ok?” You crouched, hoping to put the two of you on the same level. “I know you’re not trying to hurt anyone. You’re hungry, yeah? You’re hungry and I know it fucking hurts. Worse than you ever imagined it could.” You thought back to the days of captivity. Your father made you the absolute pinnacle of gluttony, feeding you even when you finally didn’t want it, engorging you with the only thing you could sustain yourself with. Going from a state of constant overflow to barely a drip-feed was agony, causing fits of hunger so extreme that it was a miracle he hadn’t hit double digits by now. “I can help you, alright? I’ve been there. It doesn’t have to be this way - I promise it’s manageable.” You really should have planned some sort of script for this, you were winging it and from the accusatory look he was wearing, you didn’t think it was working. 

You asked if he knew your father, hoping to establish some reputability in his mind and prove you knew what you were talking about. The name, though, seemed to hit him like a bullet. He took off running and blew past you so fast it knocked you over. You jumped up as quick as you’d been put down and set off after him. The kid was fast, and you knew it wouldn’t be long before you lost him. He had the advantage of being half your height in a city full of narrow shortcuts. You pleaded with him in between breaths to just listen to you, promised you didn’t want to hurt him, all of it was futile. He ducked into a subway and slipped from your grasp before you even knew you had him. Your eyes teared up from frustration, so close to being the saving grace you were desperate to be but just managing to graze it before it leaped away from you. You felt the toll of such a run immediately sodden your legs and weaken your lungs. You didn’t have nearly enough fuel in the tank to give chase, but what were you supposed to do? You’d seen him, almost had him before the acidity of your fathers name melted all the progress you were making. Fitting, you thought. You slipped your phone out of your pocket, you were still an agent who had just found a body. Another victim in a string of serial killings; if you didn’t report it and were traced at all back to the scene you could be fired - or arrested. Hotch’s contact burned a hole straight through your pupils. How the fuck were you gonna explain this? You just happened to be on a classic midnight walk alone as a woman in the city currently housing a vampiric serial killer. You could almost hear the crease of his eyebrows as you told him where you were, requesting the team be awoken and the local PD be sent to you. You’re sure he could hear the ball in your throat as your vision got watery again. He promised he’d be there soon, telling you to hang tight. He was comforting, but there was a determination in his voice that told you he wasn’t letting it go this time. You didn’t know how to prepare for whatever that meant, but you knew some worms would be leaving the can. 

Ten minutes later and you heard the familiar shout of your last name. “What the hell happened?” Morgan seemed worried you’d been attacked, scanning over you to check for any signs of injury. He wouldn’t find anything but your rapidly rising chest.

You watched the EMTs wheel away the woman in a body bag, locking your gaze on Derek when you started to feel nauseous. “I’m fine.” You crossed your arms, rationalizing that maybe a physical security would grant you the strength needed to conceal this mess. “I live right up the road. I go out walking sometimes when I can’t sleep. I just saw the body in the alley, guy was gone by the time I found her.” 

He seemed relieved at your avoidance but also completely floored by the stupidity of walking so late. “Stop walking alone at night.” He was clearly protective. “That's why some of these cases are even possible.” He looked at you, taking your story as truth without a second thought and letting a sense of mourning flood his irises. “I don’t know how I’d cope with having to put you in one of those bags.” How charming. “You get me?”

You looked at him, putting on a face of regretful understanding and simply uttered back a quiet “I got you.” to hopefully dodge all the attention he was giving you. 

He chuckled, looking behind you and gaining a sort of cringe in his smile. “Good luck with that.” He nodded towards whatever was approaching and joined the congregation of other agents and officers, essentially isolating you with the thing you’d been dreading most. Aaron Hotch.

“Aaron-” You turned around to face him but stopped talking when you saw the look he cast at you. Something so curious and pleading for the knowledge you withheld, he seemed to manually dim it with the aspect of his authority. He was your supervisor, but he cared for you as something deeper than that.

“We’re heading back to the BAU. I want you in my office when we get there. We need to talk about this.” He waited a second, letting the unusual professionalism sink into you before seeking confirmation. “Am I clear?” He was gentle in delivery, but the fear you’d betrayed him weighed heavy on you.

“Yes, sir.” You nodded, looking at him. He wasn’t mad, and you didn’t regret the decisions that got you here. Your mind was simply racing with any plausible lie you could tell him to escape this situation unscathed. He knew you better than you were even aware of, you didn’t know if you could get away with lying at all, let alone lying in excess. You just prayed he was feeling particularly forgiving, along with hoping he was especially tired due to the hour. If you lucked out, you might only have to relinquish your integrity instead of the truth.

–

The sound of his door closing felt like the final sign of your demise. He hadn’t slammed it, he’d shut it gently and moved to sit opposite you in his office chair. You couldn’t remember a time he’d been genuinely angry with you. Right now he simply reeked of desperation, of empathy, and it was that notion that kept your eyes from meeting his.

“What’s going on, Y/n?” He was so soft, the tone of his voice combing through your ears like hypnotism. You were so fucking guilty.

You stared at his name card and wondered immaturely how it would feel to share a surname with the man. “I told you what happened.”

He leaned forward, propping his elbows on the desk. “You told them what happened.” You begged him internally to just leave it alone. “Now I’m asking you to talk to me. You can’t even look at me. You seem to think that because you can conceal the standard signs of lying that nobody can tell. You slip past their radar because they don’t know your tells, Y/n.” Your heart sped up, he’d probably known you were keeping something from him before you’d even made the choice to. “The top of your middle finger covers your index when you’re lying or when you’re not telling me something, you know that? Every single time. You haven’t held a conversation in the past week without doing it.” He clasped his hands on the table, readjusting to really focus on you. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Something about him always had a way of wearing you down. You’d been smothering the feelings you held for him for years, so when he showed such devotion to you, he could wring you out like a sponge with just a sentence. You visibly deflated, shoulder slumping forward. “I saw him.”

He straightened, assessing how to tackle a statement like that. “You saw the unsub?” You just nodded. “Do you know how important that information is?” He seemed bewildered, even a little angry at the fact you didn’t tell them. “You know better than most how significant every sighting is. Why would you ever keep something like that from us?” He was speaking slightly faster, confused frustration filling his words as he continued. “It’s a miracle you weren’t hurt, Y/n. This was extremely reckless, I don’t understand how you could-”

“Hotch.” You’d never had to speak over him before. “He’s my family.” The words were coated in bile as they left you - this was a steep slope. You hadn’t anticipated sharing even that piece of information, your family history was far too close to your less than common genetic misfortune to ever be talked about. 

“...What?”

Your eyes teared up. You were going to tell him, and you were also going to cry. “I have to tell you something.” You felt the quiver of your lips, heard the shake of your voice as it circled the air. What the fuck were you thinking? 

“My father - um…lied to the public about his testing. He promised everyone that he would stop at mice, but he didn't plan on actually doing that.” You shook your head in tune with your words, speaking slowly as you thought of how to drop this bomb and cause the least amount of damage. “He kidnapped a woman, my mother. At that point he’d figured out a way to implement the DNA strand he was using on rodents into human sperm, and he managed to get her pregnant with it.”

His face went slack, an emotion reaching far beyond shock, beyond disbelief. “You mean…?”

“It’s not vampirism in the cinematic sense, Aaron. We don’t burn in the sun or have heightened senses or speed. It’s just a cruel mutation. Human blood is the only substance our body can process.”

“You - you keep saying ‘we’.” He was frantic, you didn’t blame him. “Are there more?”

“Just the unsub.” The look in your eyes was begging for acceptance, for empathy and tenderness. You hadn’t even expected him to believe you, but now you feared the possibility of him running for the hills and spilling your secret to anyone he came across. “He’s the only one I know of. I didn’t expect my father to do it again.”

“Jesus Christ.” You concealed a laugh at how expressive the confession was making him. You knew it was the worst possible time, but you’d never seen him so human. “Is this - I mean how do you live, Y/n? Are you killing people?” You understood the accusation, but that didn’t dilute the sting of it as it hit your ears.

“No, Aaron. God, no.” You rushed out a denial before he could think too hard on it. “It took me years to figure out the bare minimum I could live on, ok? It’s two full syringes a week, nobody ever dies. Ever.” He seemed out of it, you didn’t know how to gauge whether this was a good or bad reaction. You’d never told anybody. How did you even proceed in a situation like this? “Look, I know, ok? This is fucking crazy, but you can’t tell the team.” He widened his eyes at you slightly like the thought of not telling them was wilder than anything you just told him. 

“You can’t seriously expect-”

“Aaron.” You were on the brink of losing your breath. “I’m not a threat. I’ve worked here for years. I’ve lived with this my entire life and I have control. We need to focus on finding the boy and that won’t happen if they know.”

“Boy?” He furrowed his eyebrows deeper than you’ve ever seen. “He’s- It’s a kid?”

You thought back to the encounter. You could cup him in your palms. “He has to be. He’s tiny, fourteen or fifteen I’d say.” You nearly broke as you thought of the child he’d never get to be. 

“There’s no protocol for this, Y/n.” This was one of the first times you’d seen him speak with his hands. “I don’t even know how to approach it anymore. It’s hard enough dealing with a child unsub when they’re human. How do you suggest we deal with a vampire?”

“Hotch.” Your eyes held disappointment. He was coping with the situation, and you knew that, but his words still didn’t sit right with you. “He is human. A very scared and lost human boy. My dad overfed me as a kid, wanting to disable the signal that tells you when it’s enough. It’s why he’s killing so many, he must have recently broken out. You get…I don’t know, insatiable. You start and don’t know when to stop, it's just blind instinct. He doesn’t want to be hurting people.”

“You speak from experience.” You didn’t want to tell him he was missing the point, but there certainly wasn’t a mutual focus between the two of you.

“Nobody’s perfect, Aaron.” You spoke with tears lining your eyes, your past was the most shameful thing you carried with you. “I need to find him. I can help him.”

He sighed, baffled and exhausted at the entire situation. He nodded soon after. “I won’t tell them.” You felt the increase in oxygen as you practically gasped in relief.

You stood up, stopping with your hand on the doorknob. Were you running? Yes, most definitely. But he wasn’t speaking and you couldn’t imagine he wanted to stay in your company. “I promise I’m not a monster.” You didn’t quite know if you were trying to convince him of this, or if you were hoping to affirm what he was already thinking, but it was the only thing you could think to say. 

He just stared at you, eyes vacant but clearly attempting to imitate the warmth that would normally reside there. “Goodnight, Y/n.” It was such a familiar phrase that it nearly made you puke from the comfort flooding your body. You scoffed at the casual nature of the remark in the face of such an unusual time, but were still unfathomably thankful for it. 

“Goodnight, Aaron.”

–

Three days later, and you were really feeling the distance. He stopped the routine of checking in - he stopped speaking almost entirely. He spoke of you, giving you orders or assigning your assistance to others but never talking directly to you. He used to pull you aside sometimes just to ask about your day, now he wouldn’t even look at you. The bodies had only been piling, patrol increasing night by night all hell bent on catching the so-called ‘virginia vampire.’ The absolute last thing you needed was a media wave of infamy to drown the boy, but there was no stopping the press once they were off and running. You doubted it made a difference, internet access was fully forbidden within the iron fist that was life with your father. You were hopeful some type of DNA could be pulled from the bodies, as the clean up was nonexistent and some of the necks had still been wet upon police arrival, but you got nothing. Or rather, nothing within the system. Garcia had compared the results of the sample to every database in the country - sometimes branching beyond that - but nothing proved useful. It was foolish to be disappointed, obviously your father wouldn’t have registered the baby of his hostage with the required legal standards. You hadn’t even known what you wanted to find, but the presence of absolutely nothing was crushing.

With the new surveillance demands your local PD wanted to meet, the BAU ended up pitching in to night monitor with them. It wasn’t difficult by any means - just tedious. You sat in turned off cop cars for most hours of the night while trying to ignore the persistent burn of hunger that was lighting up your stomach. You knew it’d been too long since you went out, but you were out of luck. People weren’t on the street hardly at all, and even if there was a small population to prey on, the cops breathing down your neck made it nearly impossible. You’d been paired up with Morgan for the last two nights you’d done this, time moving faster with him there to entertain you. Needless to say, sitting in the dead silence of the Quantico pm with Hotch was not what you were anticipating when you came for your shift tonight. You were only two feet away from him, but you could almost gaze into the sinkhole that sat between you two. Cold and dark, brutally reminding you that you’d volunteered for this abyss when you spilled your guts. You stopped yourself from shifting in your seat as another contraction of hunger pulled at your abdominal muscles. You knew that if someone were looking, they’d be able to notice the decline in your recent performance. You were slower, more zoned out, antsy, irritable. You were good at suppressing those things, confident in your ability to conceal them, but you had a feeling the man beside you could tell. He’d been looking at you all night, analytical and lukewarm, letting the start of a conversation sit just on the tip of his tongue. The silence, though, was taking it’s toll on you. It seemed to morph into a ringing that bounced between your ears like it was determined to slip into your skull and bury itself there. You realized you would take the most awkward conversation over a night of partnered solitude. 

You wrestled with what to say, deciding to stick with your streak of brutal honesty. “Will you ever wanna talk to me again?”

He sniffed, continuing to stare forward like he was expecting the question. “I don’t know what you want from me, Y/n.” You didn’t know either. 

You took a moment to mentally gawk at his words, tripping over them in your attempt to process the answer and decide how to respond appropriately. “Anger?” You felt yourself ramp up slightly, your hands moving as you spoke. “Resentment? Sadness? I mean… you’ve just been cold and I can’t work with that, Aaron.” You looked at him, mouth slightly open as you laid your helplessness out for him to see. “I need something.”

“I just-” He shrugged, shaking his head while figuring out the words he needed to say. “You can’t expect me to adjust to that information in three days. I don’t know how I’m supposed to act around you.” It was deeper than that. You both held a sort of mutual understanding that these lumps weren’t as surface level as confusion. The woman he’d been infatuated with for years had confessed she lived on the blood of her fellow man, how the hell do you act after learning that?

You tried your hardest to be empathetic towards his situation. You’d lived with this arrangement your entire life, so it was hard to put yourself in the shoes of shattered expectation, but you tried. It hurt to hear him refer to you like you were a different entity all of a sudden - but to him, you were. “So ask me. Ask me any question you can think of. If you want to know something, I’ll tell you. I just can’t stand the silence, Aaron.” You put your hand to your forehead as you relaxed into your seat. “I miss you. I’m the same person I was a week ago.” 

You heard him sigh and shift to be leaning forward slightly. “Do you have a…” He trailed off for a second, searching for the way to put it that would ensure you understood his question. “You know, a bloodlust? Do you feel what the kid is feeling?”

The air solidified in your lungs. Yes, you absolutely fucking did. However, you weren’t going to sit there and profess your never ending homicidal urges to a man who was already struggling to accept your bare minimum. You weren’t going to scare the man you cared for more than you already had. “Um…you could call it that, I guess. I do know what he’s feeling right now, but I don’t live in his mindset anymore. It gets less the more you live with it.” You weren’t lying, per say. It truly did get easier to manage, you were simply omitting the follow up of still being a bottomless pit for the substance. Just because you weren’t enslaved to it anymore didn’t mean the constant possibility wasn’t a part of your very being. 

He looked over at you, and in the dim glow of the street light his eyes seemed fuller, pupils rivaling puddles of tar. “What does it feel like?”

Your lips parted to let out your breath as it elevated slightly. The car seemed to humidify in the moments between his last question and now. Was he actually asking that? “It feels like…this-” Jesus Chist how did you even put words to it? “this constant…pulsing…in your gums.” You thought back to the haze it used to cast over your mind. You could barely think clearly when you first got out, focused on stealing the life force from beneath the skin of others. “Your whole body just fucking aches for it.” The eye contact between you and him was searing past your eyes and sinking into your soul itself. It was different than any way you’d looked at him before, so full of remorse and pure want that you’re surprised he didn’t laugh at your patheticism.

You caught quick movement draped in a shadow from your peripheral and were knocked back into your actual purpose. You and him both exited the car, creeping up to the spot previously occupied by the figure. You didn’t see him, simply felt the force of him pelt past you and crash into your shoulder. You, to your surprise, held your footing and were running after him a second later. Hotch was just behind you, both of you sprinting desperately to catch the boy. But, just like the last time you’d walked this path, the nimbleness of his smaller frame won almost effortlessly against the two of you, and you lost him. This time, you’d lost yourself right after. You felt the nonexistent padding of concrete on the sidewalk bruise your body before you even registered you’d fallen over. The world wasn’t fading, you were very awake and very aware of the pain spreading to your entire right side. You determined - rather quickly - that your legs had just given out from lack of proper energy. The embarrassment of doing this in front of Hotch severely trumped the pain of hitting the ground. 

“Jesus.” You heard the concerned mumble come from him as he crouched down to your level. “Are you ok?”

You said you were fine, but oxygen seemed to adopt the weight of a semi-truck and it got harder to accept the necessity into your body. You simply told him to stand up, following his lead and rising from your position with difficulty you hadn’t faced before. Your legs failed you for the second time, though, and you fell back onto your knees with a small sob of exertion being expelled from your chest. He crouched back down, stabilizing himself on his knees and letting you lean against him when you couldn’t hold yourself up.

“Y/n.” The shame of your current situation kept your eyes from his, only looking at him when he forced you to. “When was the last time you ate?”

You just shook your head, weakly trying to free yourself from his hands but failing. “Patrol’s been so high I just couldn’t - “ You sniffed slightly, gasping lightly as breathing became harder to do than the chase you just gave. “I couldn’t get out.” 

He muttered ‘ok’ under his breath a few times, seemingly coming to terms with something, looking around in all directions before rolling up his shirt sleeve. The implication of the action registered instantly and you began squirming away from him. Mumbling words of disagreement that you knew he could hear.

“I can’t, Aaron. I can’t drink straight from the source - I can’t stop.” You felt your lips tremble as you recalled the feeling of impending doom clashing messily against the rush of excitement that coursed through you at the possibility. You hadn’t known that specific cocktail in years, you thought you’d go the rest of your life without feeling it again. “I can’t - please.”

“Well -” He started, pulling up his pant leg in search of the small switchblade he started carrying after being disarmed one too many times. “If we don’t do this, you’ll lose consciousness. That means they’ll take you to the hospital on an IV and you’ll have to explain why none of the nutrients are helping you.” You were so fucked. He was right, a rock and a hard place didn’t even break the surface of your situation. This was hell.

Your vision went blurry as the water in them doubled in quantity. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t.” Bastard. 

“Aaron-”

“You’re practically catatonic, Y/n.” He let energy surge through the response, saying it more as an exclamation than a statement. “I’m not watching you die and I’m not letting you out yourself to some random workers because you’re scared. You need blood.” He positioned the knife away from any major arteries and dug deep, exhaling slightly at the sting. Softening his voice, he looked to you again, and moved his wounded wrist slightly closer to you.“Just let me help you.” You watched it run off his wrist and swore you felt the impact of the drops as they fell like a phantom pressure lighting up your skin. He was breathing heavy, you didn’t know if you were breathing at all; only being able to gauge the depth of your existence by how badly you needed what he was offering. You hadn’t felt yourself accept the invitation, only tasted the poison of it all once it bypassed your lips. You wondered if this was how Eve had felt when she succumbed to the serpent. If so, you didn’t blame her. You would have condemned all of humanity for this feeling too. It hadn’t ever felt this personal, this euphoric. You fed on strangers, never on someone who held as much importance as him. This trampled the idea of simply knowing him, this was a bond you could never backstep. It was done, and it was terrifying. The warmth he always seemed to emanate infested in you from the inside-out, beaming through your entire body and fending off any destruction being done by the famished vines winding around you. He held you against him as it happened, safe and welcoming, and it made a heat line your stomach with such intensity that it teased the idea of burning right through you.

He wallowed in the feeling for a few minutes, only stopping the exchange when he felt his head become too heavy for his neck to hold. “Enough, enough.” His way of tapping out, the words making you detach immediately with a slight gasp that prompted your panting breath. You realized he was panting too, eyes slightly wide and skull resting uncomfortably against the brick wall that sat behind him as he recovered. You assumed your face was painted with the horror that was flooding your system, but he couldn’t see the extent of the expression in the darkness surrounding you. “Does it always-” He was cut off by the approaching vehicles of your team and other officers. It was time for a shift change, and you felt a small sob intertwine with your exhaling breath and extend to the air around you. With your newly acquired strength, you got up and limped to the closest cop car. You forced away the urge to cry as you asked the officer to take you home, claiming an urgent need to check on your pets. Just add lying to an officer to your list of sins committed in the last 24 hours. You watched your team congregate around the still bleeding Hotch and bit your tongue. His actions had been so instinctual, so automatic in the way he rose to the occasion. He’d given you something nobody ever had, and you weren’t sure you would ever be looking at him again. 

–

In the week that had dragged by since then, bodies were being found significantly less than they were. You’d successfully halted all interaction between your boss and you - which is much easier said than done - and had essentially treated him as though he didn’t exist. It hurt him - visibly - and you despised being the one to instill such a wounded haze to his eyes, but you couldn’t help it. No amount of oral hygiene procedures could singe the taste of him off your tongue. If you let the thoughts linger in your mind too long, you could almost feel the flow of his blood cascading down your throat. It threw you so effortlessly back to your freshly escaped fledgling days that it fucking horrified you how badly you wanted it. You really should have assumed that consuming the blood of someone you treasured would dramatically increase the craving. You weren’t prepared, not even slightly, and that would certainly manifest into some less than work appropriate advances should you acknowledge your boss again. 

The lack of frequent bodies unfortunately didn’t reduce the amount of cops on the street, but you’d managed to slip back into your routine. It was about ten times harder than it used to be to both evade officers and find people outside but you were fed, and that was all you chose to focus on. You had left tonight’s guy under a park platform a couple blocks over, having to resort to unconventional means when hiding them post-theft. You hadn’t stopped your search for the boy, having been out every night since it started. Sometimes on the clock, sometimes off - always trying to think outside of the box. Clearly, that all proved futile, as there was a boy sitting on your front steps practically consumed by the surrounding shadows when you arrived home. You simply continued your trek, stopping maybe five feet away and giving him the space to control the situation. He looked up at you, pulling down his hood and standing to his full height. He was practically gleaming in the dim porch light, his skin seemed to reflect the moon in a way only rivaled by the finest china. 

“What did you mean?” He was as timid as a mouse, looking at the ground as he spoke. “You saw me that night in the alley and you said you knew what was happening. What did you mean?”

You couldn’t say you were surprised your father didn’t inform him of your existence. Knowing the man, he would most likely deny your relation if questioned directly. “I’m like you, buddy.” You slowly let the bag on your back swing forward to a place of accessibility, grabbing the vial of the inky substance and flashing it slightly before returning it to your bag. “I’d offer you some, but I can’t imagine you’re needing it.” You swung it back to rest behind you again, settling the straps comfortably on your shoulders.

He furrowed his eyebrows, confused but apprehensive, as though the motion might upset you. “You live on that?”

You chuckled at his innocence, barely being able to comprehend the pure dichotomy you were talking to. You understood it fully, but such a sweet boy holding such intense homicidal capabilities was an absurd notion. “Took me a while.” You nodded as you confirmed his question. “But yeah, about two of these a week.”

Disbelief quickly befriended the features on his face. “You aren’t…hungry?”

You looked at the boy with undiluted sympathy, you knew the feeling he hinted at well. If you were him right now, you’d have probably lashed out in a jealous rage at such an ability to control consumption. You hadn’t believed it was a livable amount until you’d contained yourself within it’s limits. “A little, I won’t lie to you. But it’s well worth it to avoid killing someone. You get used to it after a while.” He simply looked down, and you realized you might have made him slightly guilty with your wording. In an eager attempt to pivot the conversation, you told him your name, hoping to get a proper introduction from him.  

“I’m Daniel.” You crouched down after he said that, wanting to open him up a little more by shrinking below his height. “You know my dad?”

You smiled at the ignorance, it wasn’t often somebody didn’t know exactly who resided on your family tree. “I do. He’s actually my dad too.” You preyed with everything in you that you were coming off as comforting, docile. You wanted him to trust you. “How old are you, Daniel?”

“Twelve.” Jesus Christ. 

You tried not to let the shock ricochet along your face. You wouldn’t earn his alliance by being wobbly, you needed to be a dependent structure for him to lean on. “You’ve got me beat, kid.” He tilted his head, the meaning of your statement lost on him. “I was seventeen when I got away. Quite an impressive thing for someone your age.” Praise, you hoped, would solidify you as a place he could receive affection. He definitely wasn’t getting it from your father. 

His eyes went wide, lips parted as you saw his head lean forward in response. “You escaped?” His breathing sped up, microscopic, something you wouldn’t have noticed had you worked in a different profession. “How?”

You felt the bottom of your stomach rip and release every ounce of hope you ever carried. Something wasn’t right. “How?” You questioned him rhetorically, mentally pleading that he wasn’t about to confirm your suspicion. “Are you still with him?”

He nodded his head with such casualty it broke your heart. You knew it was all he’d ever known, but seeing him have such peace with his predicament was a sight made of pure devastation. “Yeah.” He sighed out the response. “He says there’s no use in running away. That if I decide to just stay out one night, he knows how to find me.” You notice his averted eyes, a sudden embarrassment becoming evident in his stance. “I’ve…kinda been too scared to see if that’s true or not.”

“Why don’t you come in?” It took all the effort you had to suppress the desperation begging to penetrate the look you were giving him. “I can protect you, Daniel. He’s not as tough as he pretends to be.” In all honesty, you didn’t know if that was true. He’d never sent you out on hunts when you were younger. He gave you any indulgence you wanted, absolutely trampling your hunger cues and making you a nightmare on anyone with a pulse once you finally broke out. You figured it was a fail safe for if you were ever on your own. He couldn’t have you, but you would start piling bodies and would eventually be put down when they traced it back to you. You didn’t understand his game plan here. Why did he suddenly want a high body count? Had he been starving Daniel out just to set him loose like some feral bull? 

He frantically shook his head, stepping away from you slightly and waving you off. “No, I need to go back.” He started tearing up, remembering the true reason he’d stepped foot on your lawn at all. “I need you to help me, Y/n.” He swiped at his nose as he bit back the tears. “You have to get rid of him.”

You felt your own eyes go watery at the ask. “I’m gonna get you out of there.”

He chuckled, light and short, puzzling you for a moment at what he could be finding humor in. “It’s not even about me.” He looked down. “I just wanna stop hurting people.” 

You covered the tremble in your lips in a pathetic attempt to mask the sadness that poured from you at his declaration. “I’m so sorry.”

He returned his head to the safety of his hood, refusing your apology with a shake of it. “It was nice meeting you.”

You stared at him, every instinct you had sparking with the urge to shield him. Absorb him into the atoms that made you up and let live through your screen of security. But you couldn’t, so you just sniffed, reigning in any emotion that slipped from your grasp during the conversation and sealing it back inside. “I’ll see you soon.” And then he was walking away, turning slightly to offer a wave before resuming his role as part of the abyss around you. Only one thought remained in your head - You were gonna kill your dad.

[sanhwaism]

i just read MEET UP FOR A COFFEE AND A SMILE and AAAA ITS SO GOOD !!! can i 🤭 mayhaps request san x gn!reader who feels rlly bad about their body or just has confidence/low self esteem issues and san does his best to listen whilst also reassuring his partner that they’re a beautiful person?

thank you so much 💌 i love your writing !!

한슴 (BREATHE) | C.S

pairing ⟡ bf .ᐟ choi san x gn .ᐟ reader

synopsis ⟡ feeling down because of so many insecurities, all you want is to be swallowed by a black hole and never perceived again. slowly, but surely you understand that you don't have to deal with these worries alone, but instead let your lover prove to you how worthy of love you are.

genre ⟡ established relationship, hurt/comfort, romance, a sprinkle of angst??? at the beginning, fluff!

warnings ⟡ reader is emotionally struggling; a bit of self hatred and some venting; mentions of a lost appetite and san touching body parts (arms, stomach, legs, etc); pet names; tears inducing! (idk about you but i! sobbed! writing this!)

wc ⟡ 2.8k

author's note ⟡ my first ever request :,) and it's so comforting :,) thank you so much for motivating me to write this one shot @megumisthv sobs ㅠㅠ it means the world to me knowing you love my writing <3 anyone reading this, a gentle reminder that you are not alone and are so beautiful inside and out. i love you.

"jagiyaaaaaa, i'm home!" you barely hear the familiar, comforting voice of your boyfriend coming from the hallway. in a panicked state, you try to wipe away the tears as quickly as you can and get yourself up off the floor. your legs are slightly trembling and your hearing feels muffled. you can't recall for how long you have been crying all by yourself, engulfed by the darkness and coldness of the bedroom. bedroom that you and san share, and which feels warm only when he is around, when he paints the four walls with his delightful laughter, his heavenly voice or just his pure presence, when you're safe and sound in his embrace. there are no worries, no bad thoughts or terrible, terrible inner voices that mess up with your mind.

but it can get suffocating when you're alone, it's so much more difficult to tell yourself all the heartening words he can say to you when things get rough, when you start forgetting your worth. when overthinking makes it harder for you to breathe or look at yourself.

there are moments like this evening, when you can't stop asking yourself what does he see? what could san possibly have found in you that made him fall in love and what can san still see in you that doesn't make him want to leave? you can't wrap your head around it. all you see when you look in the mirror is someone with so many imperfections that it's hard to believe you are even lovable in the first place. worthy of his love. you wish you could radiate confidence next to him, but how is that possible when you feel like your thoughts swallow you whole? making you feel so insignificant?

it breaks your heart. and it evokes such sadness and disappointment inside you. because you understand that there isn't much you can change. that you may, unrightfully so, bring san's mood down and make him feel guilty. you love him so dearly — that's why you're so afraid of losing him.

there are moments like this evening, when all you do is cry your heart out because he's not around, all curled up in a ball while tightly hugging your knees, your flushed face hidden between them. but no matter what, you don't feel better. not even after the hours that had passed by.

"waaaah, baby, baby, i saw a new shop on my way home and it has soooooo many cute things," he squeals. ''i couldn't get inside because i was rushing to see you but i spotted a plushie that looked just like byeol! ah, really, we should go there together!" you hear his excited chattering while he takes off his coat and sneakers. in the bedroom, you try your best to look like you're in a deep sleep, your tears clothed eyelashes softly touching the skin of your under eyes.

and there are moments like this evening, when you can suddenly feel yourself being pulled away from your corrupted, self destructive bubble by a gentle touch that saved you so many times before, in the past.

"y/n? aegiya? hey, hey, hey, what's the matter? honey, what's wrong? why are you crying?"

at first, san innocently thought you just fell asleep while waiting for him and he was ready to close the bedroom's door, but he missed you too much and wanted to take a look at his lover before leaving. to delicately trace the line of your cheekbone with his fingertips, to stare at the way you look so peaceful and beautiful while sleeping with hearts in his eyes. it's what he does every time, but this time something was off. you couldn't fool him, not when it comes to your truthful feelings.

in a desperate way of needing to protect you, san swiftly changes his position, from crouching besides the bed to sitting at the edge of it, leaning towards you. he is panicking internally, but he wants to help and showing you this side of him right now won't do. for how long have you been crying? for how long has his precious lover been hurting themselves?

his heart feels crushed by the way you sob his name out and hide your face in the soft pillow. "sannie... i am sorry. i am so sorry."

"shh, it's alright. i am here, baby, i've got you. whatever it is, i am here," he reassures you in a hushed tone. "don't hide from me, beautiful, look at me. please, y/n."

san's voice sounds wretched and a bit shaky, as if it's hard for him to control his emotions. a big weight is taken off his shoulders the moment you decide to turn around and gaze up at him, all teary eyed, looking so exhausted. mentally and physically exhausted. even if there is so much unspoken worry in his eyes, his unforeseen smile takes you by surprise, but warms your heart and makes you forget about everything for a split second. it's a genuine, soft and loving smile, the familiar curl of his lips whenever he's encouraging you about something.

"can i hug you, my love?"

the whispered question makes you choke up. until this exact moment, you had no idea how badly you yearned for san to wrap his hands around you, to push away all those bad thoughts for you because you can't bear doing it all by yourself anymore. so you nod your head and reach out to him, his fingers gently interlocking with yours to pull you in a tender embrace. he lets out a long sigh, one of his arms wrapping tightly around your waist whilst his other arm hugs your shoulders, offering them a small squeeze as if he's trying to comfort you. in this vulnerable position, you feel him beginning to slowly rock both of your bodies from side to side because he knows it calms you down. after a long minute, his sweet voice lights up the room.

"what happened, jagi? do you want to tell me?"

you sniffle as silently as you can, rubbing your cheek against his broad shoulder while you try to find the right words to speak up. you hear a soft ''take your time'' coming from san's lips that soothes your hazy mind, his hand finding the perfect spot to caress the top of your head.

"do you love me, sannie? like, really love me? for who i am?" you shyly ask him. it's such a stupid question, you think while wiping away with your thumb a hot tear that just rolled down your cheek.

san is taken aback by your questions, but he immediately pushes that aside, knowing it's human for everyone to have their doubtful and insecure days. he promptly answers you. "i love you for who you are to the moon and back, y/n. i love you 3000, i loved you yesterday, i love you today and will surely, definitely, more than one hundred percent love you tomorrow. aaaand the day after tomorrow, beautiful."

he lowers his head so he can leave a light kiss behind your ear and continues to whisper to you. "and so on. for the rest of my life. i love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest."

not only your body, but your dark thoughts as well seem to melt away the more san comforts you, the more he envelops you in his adoration.

you slowly rise your head and meet a pair of cat-like eyes fondly looking back at you. san softly hums as he leans in and kisses your forehead, the intimate gesture compelling you to close your eyes in content.

"i just... gosh, i hate the way i look, the way i act, i think, i speak, i hate it all," you let out what has been eating you inside. you sigh as you feel his lips turn into a pout against the skin of your forehead. "i'm sorry, i shouldn't sadden you even mo–"

"ah, how dare you apologize for such thing, aegiya?" he gently scolds you, but his frowning quickly fades away once he understands the gravity of the situation. "when i say that i love you, i mean it especially in moments like these. even if my heart hurts to see you this sad and all i want to do is keep you in there, protected from everything, i do want to witness every part of you. no matter how awful you think it is. i am not leaving, y/n. i am willing to love you through all of your ups and downs."

the wicked voice in the back of your head tells you to deny his confession, but san feels your uncertainty and slowly raises his hands, cupping your face as you feel the warmth of his palms against your cheeks. you inhale deeply, — an attempt to stop another wave of tears.

"hey. can you do something for me baby?" he quietly asks you, with hope written all over his face. the second you agree with him, your boyfriend breaks into his well known dimpled smile. "thank you. here, hold my hand as tight as you want, okay?"

you listen to him and grab his hand, san bringing yours close to his mouth and kissing the back of it affectionately. he helps you get up.

"follow me."

"where are we going?" you ask, a bit anxious and san can sense it from the way you've tightened your grip on his hand.

"don't worry, we aren't leaving the bedroom. come on, come on!" he cutely giggles, gently shaking your hand.

without any more questions, you walk behind him until both of you are facing the long mirror on the wall. you can't help but frown, visibly confused as san makes you stay in front of him, your back facing his front.

"give me a few more minutes of your time, my love. i promise it will be worth it."

you can't help but softly smile at him. "san, you know i would give you my every second for the rest of my life if needed."

he dramatically clutches his heart, shutting his eyes tight while his head falls back. "aing! wah! ouch, baby, my heart!"

his playful reaction sparked an amused chuckle out of you. your lover smiles, clearly very proud of himself for making you laugh a bit. and very proud of you for allowing yourself to feel better.

"do you have the slightest idea how brightly you radiate when you smile? when you look at me with those pretty, sparkly eyes of yours? do you have any idea how lucky i am, mm?"

you instinctively bite your lower lip, looking away from him. you yelp when you feel his fingertips all of the sudden tickling your waist. laughing, you want to protest, but his face expression softens your heart.

"don't look awaaaaay, my plan won't work if you do thaaat!" he admits, all sulky and with begging eyes.

"okay, okay," you mutter, fighting another giggle.

smiling again, san stops his tickling. instead, he comfortably lets his hands rest on your hips. "this time, can you try looking at yourself in the mirror rather than looking back at me?"

you close your eyes for a brief moment, gaining some inner strength to look at yourself without breaking down. when you open your eyes, you notice san patiently glancing at you.

"mm. ah! no, no, eyes on yourse– that's it," he lets out a breathy giggle, patting your hips. "good job."

his praising gives you more courage, even if you still find it hard to keep your eyes fixated on your face and body. "um... where do i look?"

"just listen to me and your eyes will follow naturally, okay?"

you hum, leaning onto him slightly. he notices and with a cheerful sound escaping his curled lips, hugs you from behind.

"i love your eyes. their color, their shape... those gorgeous eyes have seen so much. witnessed so many memorable moments, but also unpleasant ones that helped you grow as a person. i also love your nose. really, ah, i really love your nose, did you know that, jagi?"

san raises one hand and softly traces the line of your nose. when his finger reaches the tip of it, he gently taps it as he lets out an adorable "boop!". you close your eyes and laugh at how endearing he is.

"i also love when your nose wrinkles like that when you laugh. you're so cute," he whines. "why can't i just make you pocket sized and keep you in there? because i wouldn't be able to kiss you and cuddle with you then!" him answering his own question is a very amusing sight for you.

"ah, and your cute cheeks that i always kiss and–"

"and sometimes munch on them." you teasingly finish his sentence. he pouts again, as if he got caught.

"but they look munchable! it's not my fault!"

while you're giggling at him, san's fingers move a bit lower, to the corner of your lips. you feel your face starting to heat up.

"i love your lips. the shape of them. so mesmerizing, baby," he whispers and your eyes follow his, staring at the way his fingertip barely touches your cupid's bow. you don't move, barely breathing while he traces the shape of your mouth. "your thoughts always come out through those lips. and you always bless me with the way you talk, the way your voice sounds. and the way you pucker your lips when you lean in to share a kiss with me. how soft they feel against mine. i strongly believe they were made for me."

you become aware of how hot your cheeks have become. san notices that as well and smiles, muttering a "cute" under his breath before moving lower with his hands, making sure to lovingly caress every inch of your skin.

"your shoulders. you carried and still carry so much weight on them. and i admire you so much for that. you are such a strong person," he speaks softly and his words touch the deepest corner of your heart, making it flutter against your rib cage. to know he appreciates you for the battles you went through the same way you admire him for fighting his own struggles is very comforting.

"but my shoulders are broader, baby, so i don't mind if you throw some of that weight on them, if not all of it. your strong boyfriend can handle it!"

his fingers slowly move down your arms. "i love your arms too. the way you always wrap them around me. you make me feel so loved," san whispers, softly kissing your right shoulder. "so loved. i love when we snuggle up to each other and i get to be the little spoon."

"mhm, i know. you're always so excited about that." both of you laugh at your words. san kisses your hands one more time before going lower on your body. once they reach your stomach, he interlocks his own fingers against it, smiling to himself.

"i love your stomach, baby. so much. it always makes me so happy when you fill it with yummy food. when i bring you to the best restaurants and we sit there, enjoying each other's presence and the delicious meals we chose to eat. i know it's hard to have a good appetite sometimes, but i want you to know how proud i feel when i look at you enjoying your favorite food. the way you go nom nom nom nom nom nom," he cutely mimics. you giggle, shaking your head. "really! it warms my heart."

he takes you by surprise when he crouches down behind you and hugs your legs, clinging to them with the sweetest look on his face.

"sannie, love, wha–"

"i can't forget your legs, jagiyaaaa! those legs that i love so much. they bring you to so many places. they brought you to me," he sighs in content, hugging them a bit tighter. "the way they move whenever i make you dance with me in the living room or kitchen. ah, i'm so thankful for them."

this whole time, your eyes have been following san's hands without even realizing. with his help and gentle care, you managed to draw imaginary, precious flowers all over your body. from the corner of your eyes, to all the way down where you ground yourself. everything feels like a breath of fresh air, thanks to him. and you will probably never know how to thank him enough for everything he does for you. but as you turned around to press your lips against his in an intimate kiss, you secretly made a promise to him. that no matter how difficult the real life gets, he has the key to your heart, a heart which will always beat for him. that you will forever allow him to ease up your mind and help you breathe.

𓏲 ࣪₊♡ taglist: my loveliest @yuyusuyu

{💌ྀི} masterlist

[bangerbattlethemes]

battle of the battle themes

I've been following these poll tourneys very closely and got an idea for one of my own! I love video game OST's and thought it'd be fun to make one about that, especially since music has been a less explored venue than characters.

Qualifications:

Must be from a video game

Must coincide with some kind of battle with the video game's enemies. Something that hypes you up and makes you feel unstoppable!

General battle themes or boss fight themes welcome

Some examples I had in mind: With Twilight of the Gods from Shadows of Valentia, God Shattering Star from Fire Emblem Three Houses, Song of the Ancients (Fate) from Nier Replicant/Gestalt

Y'all can submit those or whatever you want! In fact I'm excited to find new OST's to listen to!

Rules:

I won't tolerate any rudeness or toxicity. Any offenders will be blocked.

No botting/cheating either, please. Let's just have a fun time here.

No video games that are very NSFW in nature please!

You can only submit your song once but you are free to send in multiple. Basically, no flooding with a repeat confession.

Propaganda is welcome, especially during the submission phase if you want a song submitted- though for the most part the music will be speaking for itself I think!

This is something very new for me and I don't rlly know much about tournament seeding or w/e so it'll probably be randomized. Please be patient with me!

Submissions have been closed early so I can include more people- sorry about that!

Other poll tourneys that inspired me to make one:

@pinkhairswagtourney @redhairswagtournament @sleepsmackdown @mad-scientist-showdown @purplegreenbracket @patheticmenscuffle @redandgreenpoll @fashiondisastertournament

Have fun; current polls are under read more for ease of access!

All Polls

Ace Attorney | Winner: Pursuit ~ Cornered ARMS Preliminary | Winner: Name Redacted Bravely Default Preliminary | Winner: Serpent Eating The Horizon Dai Gyakuten Saiban Preliminary | Winner: Partners ~ The Game is Afoot! Earthbound/Mother Epic Battle Fantasy Preliminary | Winner: Return of the Snow Queen Fire Emblem Preliminary | Winner: God Shattering Star Final Fantasy | Winner: One-Winged Angel Genshin Impact Preliminary | Winner: Scaramouche's Theme Granblue Fantasy Preliminary | Winner: Paradise Lost Hades Preliminary | Winner: God of the Dead Hollow Knight Preliminary | Sealed Vessel Kingdom Hearts Preliminary | Winner: Vector to the Heavens Kirby Preliminary | Winner: Masked Dedede Mad Rat Dead Preliminary | Winner: Ghost of Culvert Miitopia Preliminary | Winner: The Darkest Lord Monster Hunter Preliminary | Winner: Bewitching Dance (Mizutsune Theme) Octopath Traveler Preliminary | Winner: Decisive Battle II Persona Preliminary | Winner: Rivers in the Desert Pokemon Preliminary | Winner: Battle! Champion Cynthia/Battle! Pokemon Wielder Volo Splatoon Preliminary | Winner: Fly Octo Fly/Ebb and Flow The Legend of Zelda Preliminary | Winner: Revali's Theme 2 Toontown: Corporate Clash Preliminary | Winner: Guilt and Resentment Touhou Project Preliminary | Winner: U.N. Owen Was Her Transistor Preliminary | Winner: In Circles/_n C_rcl_s ULTRAKILL Preliminary | Winner: The Death of God's Will Undertale/Deltarune Preliminary | Winner: Death by Glamour Xenoblade Chronicles Preliminary | Winner: You Will Know Our Names Yakuza Preliminary | Winner: One-Eyed Slugger

Preliminaries We're Working On (Up Next)... None, all have been posted!

[exocynraku]

thunder spoilers under the cut!!! read at your own risk!!! here are my opinions on the book!!! i wrote this right after reading originally on the 4th and planned 2 post it on the 7th. it's not the 7th exactly where i live but the wiki updated with spoilers since it's the 7th over there so whatever

okay, so, overall, i liked it. i didnt LOVE it, but i liked it. sunbeams chapters were all great, and with nightheart travelling with frostpaw, he finally had the chance to not be an ass, and he wasn't as bad! i actually read his chapters this time, and oh my god frostpaws chapters were INCREDIBLE!!!! i loved her interactions with whistlepaw and smoky, and wow. she did get spayed, LOL! got spoiled for that early (thanks, assholes!) i was NOT expecting to meet the new cats of the park! i totally thought we'd encounter warriorclan! i'm a little bummed about that, but the cats of the park were all super nice to read about which was super nice. especially bee! thought i'm upset she has the same name as another cat.. wails the reveal of splashtail i totally expected, but i'm a little surprised over curlfeather. i know that there's been suspect she was a villain, but damn! i wanted to hold onto hope! but hey, her being evil is super interesting. plus, wow! she's in the dark forest! i guess i shouldve expected that, but it's felt like forever since a cat got sent there. (which i dont think is rlly true? juniperclaw went i think that was tbc? whatever, still feels so long ago) also i didnt mind that it was a travelling book! i know a lot of ppl HATEEEE travelling books, but i think there was still enough substance to make it interesting! now, that ending... er, hard to explain my feelings. i like cliffhangers because they make me really excited for the next book, but man! this one hurt bad! i want frostpaw to jump out !!!! raugh!!! also, waffle and wasp are cute! i'm happy theyre coming to the clans! we NEED more genetic diversity SOBS and honestly, with frostpaws thoughts right before leaving the park, with the clans needing to become less harsh and fighty, and more open, especially to outsiders? that was incredible! genuinely, genuinely incredible! and i hope they go through with it, i really do! berryheart is also an interesting character. if i'm being honest, i hope she leaves. not becaues i dont like her (i think she's one of the most interesting characters we've had in the series for a long time, even if she sucks), but because like i said earlier we NEED more genetic diversity in the clans! more cats with long blood lines need to leave or die, and new cats w/o long blood lines, or none at all need to start existing. all of the incest is pissing me off. so i'm glad that somecat with not a particularly long bloodline, but a big one (berryheart has like 70 siblings) is leaving. plus those other cats. last misc things, finally, some tree action! it's a miracle! i also like how there were mentions of 1: thunderclan being overcrowded (please please please mass exctinction event GO) and 2: tree being mediator, but never really having the chance to shine. also, cherryfall sucks. jeez louise! i used to like her for gods sake! spotfur and her kits were adorable, i liked ivypool in this book, and oh my god, brambleclaw finally gets less of a spotlight! overall, i liked it. not the most amazing book to ever exist ever, but it definitely got my excited for the next books!!! really happy with ASC so far and i'm pumped to see what's going to happen with it in the future.

also, with the cats of the park cats being introduced, i'll have to draw them! oh boy more work for me to do

[vapolis]

imo i think tht one of the things that makes this if so compelling & exciting is tht u put equal care into the mc (merc) as u do the ros. like i understand tht some people like a totally malleable mc in ifs but, 2 me, this often makes the mc feel so disconnected from everyone else & just distracts me from the story & romance- u make the mc feel just as interesting & likeable & cool as the cast (while still retaining the element of choice) & it’s amazing! i just rlly feel the love u’ve put into the story & will always be following its progress and eagerly awaiting updates <3

this is genuinely so nice to read I'm giving the reaction images fr 😭 thank you!!!

I do love a main character that has some kind of personality from the get go, bc while blank slates are nice they do feel very disconnected as you've said! in some ifs it works but I think having the merc be known by the city and ros alike makes them more interesting and gives them layers they can't have if they're the classic new person to the world.

and who doesn't love to play a snarky asshole who is feared?? you can't have that if the merc is just starting out.

very very happy you see it that way as well <3 tysm for the sweet ask. I will think about it for the next like. month

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

Sorry I tried leaving this as comments on your reply to my ask but there was just too much waffle and it was all jumbled so I’m putting it here😂😂

Sorry it took me a MARATHON of time to reply to, I can’t explain how pleased it makes me that this comment made your day bc honestly every time you update it always seems to be during a v tough week and it’s just this ultimate stress relief and enjoyment that I so so love🥹

Just to quickly waffle about what you said, I’m so appreciative of how you fret over the characters sounding real bc it pays off SO MUCH and though I’m still of the mind that you’ve been given this unique ability to read their minds, I can recognise it must take so much studying of their characters and the words you choose and to have such a phenomenal skill <3333

And honestly I LOVE watching him have all these realisations through Suzy bc it’s so real and so satisfying and I’m so excited (but also terrified bc poor woman how do you compete with soul mates) to see how everything unfolds between them all.

And the LITTLE DETAILS that you should honestly trademark bc you do them so well 😭 but I literally have this growing list in my mind that I need to write down cause they make my heart flutter they’re so intimate and careful :’) I could literally waffle about them all day.

You’re so right, they have SUCH a special dynamic, and often I find it frustrating with real life ships bc it’s not like with films where though characters can be deep they have a specific kind of basis to them which fits a role. Real people are so complex and so it’s not 24/7 that someone gets them so right that you feel like you’re watching a segment of their lives (milex writers in general do tend to have an uncanny ability to write them brilliantly) but with you it feels like everything you write can just be added on to their actual interactions and it’s perfection.

I’m so so pleased that my ramblings had an impact on getting your confidence back to heights it should be at because I rlly can’t explain how brilliant you and your writing are so thank you thank you for all the work you put into it. I’m SO EXCITED for the next chapter 🥰🥰🥰🥰 and one day I’m gonna go into the absolute insane perfection that is the sex scene in chapter 8 bc the realism, build up, and EMOTIONS as well as pure sexyism (almost put sexism there which wasn’t quite right 😂) is just one of the best and sauciest things I’ve ever read.

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

Also trying to add a cute lil milex hug gif to this is impossible bc they’re all far too sexually charged or emotionally unstable 😂

hiii lovely!! 💝 oh my goddddddd i swear your asks just leave me a blushing, giddy mess every single time 😭😭

i'm so glad to hear that my updates always seem to manage to coincide with a time where they're able to provide you with a little bit of comfort and escapism 🥺

honestly i've always just found other people fascinating, and have found myself imagining what the world might be like through their eyes for as long as i can remember! it's been so much fun to get to really delve deep into that in this fic, so i really love that you notice and appreciate that side of it 🥰🥰 aghhhhhh. it truly just means so much to hear that you feel i capture something real about alex and miles and their dynamic in this fic, thank you 🥺

also STOP your flailing about the smut scene is too sweet 😭 i am SO glad you felt all the build up and emotions worked, and honestly any time you feel like going into it, please don't hold back - i am more than happy to hear your thoughts! it was hands down one of my favourite bits of the whole fic to write, actually 🥰

once again your utterly lovely words have lifted my spirits so much, thank you for your kindness and generosity in taking the time to share your experience of reading four walls with me 💖 you're an absolute gem and i cannot WAIT for your to read chapter nine! (which will be posted tomorrow... 😉)

(god you were not wrong about the milex hug gifs, were you?! aghhh they're both so ridiculous 😭😭 anyway here, have them being their silly, playful selves having the best time together! sending you all the best vibes for your weekend 💜🌟)

[nebulacollege]

hello!! I love yalls twst stuff and I'm rlly excited to see/learn more about these ocs!! would you be able to give maybe a rundown on which characters are in which house and why? or maybe a general explanation on how the houses work in this college :0

Thank you very much for liking our twst stuff and for your interest in these boys! <3 And thank you very much for reading the info post about them! Fighting with tumblr to make it work was exhausting, and it’s still not going to work in the app after all orz I’ll add some of these facts to the info page later, but for this reply I can write much more than what I’m going to say there.

Now to your question. Each of the characters are were made to “represent” their corresponding house, to somewhat be the embodiment of the animal, so they go like this:

Niall is in the Unicorn house;

Ned is in the Dragon house;

Edmund is in the Raven house,

Liam is in the Snake house.

The houses group boys based on their personal qualities, but, ofc, there are no strict rules as which factors will definitely put you in one of the houses.

The Unicorn house is known for its dazzling, charismatic students with a strong tendency for leadership. They are determined, strong-willed, and often arrogant to an extent. They’re good at dealing with social issues, people in general, and can manipulate both people and the information they have as well. Still, despite being natural leaders, they have to have a sense of community and know how to form alliances.

They have good manners, good style, and overall have a high-society aura around them. Members of the royal families usually end up in this house. Because of that, it is considered the most prestigious (and rich lol) of the houses.

The Dragon house is the next in line in terms of being prestigious. Students there are loud, impulsive, have a very big “presence” whenever they’re around, while still being surprisingly responsible and well-behaved. They’re good and strategy and tactics, and have the best results in sports out of the bunch because of their good organizing abilities and discipline. They have their own order inside the house and dormitory, so they tend to work on the “survival of the fittest” principle. Just like Unicorn students, they are very proud, so they’re not ready to listen to just everyone, so they sometimes have conflicts inside their house in spite of their strong sense of unity. You have to deserve their respect to be... well, respected. On the negative side, they are quite greedy, loud, as I’ve said, and slow.

The Raven house is both the opposite of the Unicorn house, yet at the same time they’re the ones they cooperate with the most. Students of the Raven house are quiet and just don’t seem all that remarkable. They’re the first to react to different events, but the most “useless” in terms of solving things. The least ambitious of the bunch, they are rather perceptive, know a lot of rumors and information, good at making suggestions and predicting future outcomes, but at the same time secretive and not very talkative with other houses. Nobody really knows what they think, so they’re the creepy ones and the “freaks”, although not in such a harsh manner as one might think. They’re here to just do their job silently, or to complain a lot and still do their job lol If the Unicorn house can be considered the facade of the society, these students are the underground part of it. Metaphorically, that is.

The Snake students are also quiet, but their presence is much more prominent than that of the Raven students. They’re perfect on the surface level, but are ready to take any means necessary to achieve their goals without being caught. They seem perfect from the outside, but students from this house have the strongest sense of individuality. They’re cautious and ready to give way to others just to be safe and sure, they’re not the ones to rush anywhere without thinking. They’re careful, and a little bit slow in order to process events around them accordingly and to take the best possible route.

Phew, I think so far that’s enough lol

[thefact0rygirl]

HELLO!!! i hope you are doing well it is deedee / 🥂 anon. i apologise it’s been like seven years. i’m back with a thot i’m tossing around in this little tipsy brain of mine and it is boba (or …any era rex my GOD or din i just like broad men) like. catching u touching urself and u don’t notice for a bit. before being in a relationship. . ur absolutely lost in the sauce and he’s like 😳. bonus bonus points if u say his name or call him daddy. and he’s like ‼️‼️‼️‼️. esp if there was some yearning or distance in the relationship before then. i’m rlly quite drunk i apologise i’m incoherent but i want some big broad man to catch me face down ass up losing my mind and then tease + rail me about it. much love.

ahhhhh deedee my love! 🤍🤍 there is no need to apologize! life is crazy and things get in the way, but i'm so happy to hear from you! i love your thots (drunk or not) they always manage to send me into a fucking spin and ndiucvbrouibgvf you bring the three large men hello sirs i am ready 🫡

how boba, din, and rebels!rex react to accidentally walking in on you

warnings: daddy kink, accidental voyeurism so dubcon by default, reader called princess

18+ under the cut

but ok let's be real - there is a part of you that was curious what would happen if he caught you. cos you knew they would be back soon from whatever the hell he was doing (bounty hunting, slinging joopa, arguing with kanan, etc.) so deciding to have a lil' solo session right before carried a risk of getting caught. but you were excited and wanted to see what would happen.

it's been a steady build-up of flirting, longing looks, and prolonged hugs and touches. you're both falling to the same pool of desire and it's time one of you did something.

and they don't interrupt you when they find you. they're shocked that you would be thinking about them, but you best believe they will bring it up later.

boba be the most direct about it, taking the bait but still somehow making you flustered. he'll bring up casually the next day when you least expect it.

"so...you think i'm daddy?"

you'll be pushing your palms into your eyes and groaning as he chuckles at your response before leaning over to grab your wrists.

he'll call your name, asking you to look at him as he tries to coax your hands away from your eyes.

it's when your situated between his legs when you finally look at him. with his thumbs tracing the pressure points on your wrists, his grip loosens. you have every ability to push away from him, but you don't. he'll move in towards you until you can feel his breath on your face.

"is that you want, princess? for me to be your daddy?"

din, on the other hand, would be the exact opposite. he wouldn't be forward about it like boba.

even though he caught you moaning his name he isn't going to assume you want him like that. it may have been a slip or even his helmet malfunctioning.

din would be respectful as possible when he brought up while also skirting around what he saw. he'd offer to install a lock on your door or something along those lines.

"we're taking a couple days off on nevarro. i could install a lock on your door if you'd like. to give you more privacy."

and you won't catch on because privacy has never really been an issue with din despite the close living space. when you ask why, din fumbles and averts his attention to the weapon he is polishing. he tries to keep his hands busy, something to make him look busy as the words fall out of his mouth.

"i...i, well, i didn't mean to. it was an accident. i heard you, saw you actually, when you were alone."

he'll look up at you when you're quiet and he's worried because he can't read your reaction. you're neutral and it worries him. it was truly an accident but it still doesn't stop that he saw you in a position that you may not have wanted.

he'll start word vomiting just to fill the quiet space until you cut him off. "din. i don't want to leave and i don't want a lock. i want you to join me."

and rip daddy din djarin that will be the last of him.

and finally we have our beloved captain gilf rex. he's like din in that he won't be as forward as boba, but he won't try to skirt around it either.

he'll wait until you both are alone as not to embarrass you. he'll phrase it like a gentle warning, a heads up so you don't end up in this situation with someone else catching you.

"hey kid. you might want to check your door is shut next time you're...alone. i came back yesterday and saw something i don't think you wanted me to see."

you nod, your mind burning with embarrassment. it's awkard after that with you nodding and muttering an "i understand" under your voice. rex turns to leave when you figure, fuck it. he already saw you playing with yourself.

"you should join me next time, captain."

and that makes rex stop and turn around. "w-what?"

his eyes are wide as you take a step towards him. "i'll be alone again tonight. around 9pm. you should join me if you're around."

you kiss his cheek and turn around trying in your power not to sprint back to your room.

[samd1o1]

Gothic Horror HCs But Using The Penny Dreadful Versions As Well Cus I Like Them

Hello, So recently I have been really obsessed with 1800s gothic horror literature.

My favorite books are (in order);

1. Frankenstein The Modern Prometheus

2. The Picture Of Dorian Gray

3. The Strange Case Of Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde

4. Dracula

So imagine my fucking excitement when I heard there was a show that used THOSE EXACT FOUR BOOKS!!!!

Anyway I thought I'd take the time to talk about my favorite characters from the books/show and hcs I have for them all.

Now massive Trigger Warning for some ableism/sanism from the victorian era but also current day, and also queermisia.

All of these characters are canon ND I believe based off of their canon "madness" and I also believe they were all queer men.

----

Victor Frankenstein

Victor is a trans man you must understand this. He literally has postpartum depression in the book. He is also forced into an arranged marriage with a woman but has so much more chemistry with his best friend Henry Clerval. I think he's gay and his love for both Elizabeth and Lilly are just comphet. (He loves Elizabeth like a sister tho).

Victor is also disabled in the book. In Penny Dreadful he also has asthma! I also hc Victor is autistic. In the book he has a special interest in alchemy and science. He info dumps about poetry and clocks a lot in Penny Dreadful lmao. He's also just awkward like me fr fr. There was also a rlly funny scene in Penny Dreadful where everyone noticed this one character was a trans woman and made a "face" of surprise. Victor never did because honestly I don't think he fucking noticed. Which made me laugh because I didn't either.

Dorian Gray

This man is just me sometimes and I kinda hate it. Definitely has BPD. He treats life as a fantasy and has a hard time applying reality to reality. He also will love you one second and can hate you so passionately the next. Henry Wotton is most definitely his favorite person. There's also an entire chapter in the book dedicated to talking about his hyperfixations. Dorian is also bisexual! He falls in love with a few women in the book and Penny Dreadful. But also many men! Oscar Wilde was gay and put a lot of himself into Dorian lmao.

Henry Jekyll

Look the guy with daddy issues. Seriously out of all the things they chose to adapt for Penny Dreadful this made me laugh the most (in a good way). It's a random throwaway line in the book but I'm glad they kept it because his father leads to Henry's toxic mindset. Henry feels the need to be respectful in high society and not indulge his "indecent" thoughts. These thoughts include things like murder but also homosexual desires. The man is gay, love that for him. Don't let the musical fool you. I think his other violent thoughts come from OCD intrusive thoughts. As a median system I do also relate to the duality he feels. But I also would be careful ever putting a plural reading on Jekyll and Hyde for obvious reasons.

Robert Montague Renfield

Oh Renfield so much to say about you my man. (This is where that TW comes in handy)

Ok so the R.M. of his name standing for "Robert Montague" is ONLY from the new 2023 movie "Renfield". Renfield never had a first name because Bram Stoker was an ableist dick who saw Renfield as less than human for his mental illness. So out of spite of him and love for Renfield I hc his name to be Robert in all versions. This isn't to praise the new movie for its handle on mental illness though. While I absolutely adore the movie and it's camp and message I can't look past the ableism. It constantly demonizes NPD and for the topic of our discussion writes out Robert's mental illness. Robert in the book has psychosis and periods of mania and depression. Honestly I'll have to reread his sections of the book soon and see if I change my opinion because I had a hard time thinking of a label for him. Anyway I think he has Bipolar! But this is why I prefer Penny Dreadful over Renfield 2023 for the character. He gets to be mentally ill and still do a good thing and be just like everyone else in the show (not good or bad, just gray). On the topic of Renfield 2023 again I also think they (Drac and Ren) are ex lovers lmao, I mean it's literally framed like that they just don't have the balls to say it. I now just read every version like this. So yes another Bi king! Wow this ended up mainly being about Renfield whoops.

----

So yeah as you can see I really like the books and Penny Dreadful. I loved that Penny Dreadful wasn't scared to make its characters ND coded like a certain someone *cough* Renfield 2023 *cough* and be faithful to the OGs!

Anyway I'm not a medical professional lmao, I've just researched a lot of stuff trying to figure out my own problems and it's also smth I take an interest in. The queer stuff I am a professional tho /j.

Was this post messy? Oh yeah, wouldn't have it any other way.