#i'm slowly editing all the screens to go on this list

[nox140497]

A Midnight Crisis

Prompt: No

Request: No

Summery: Colby has a panic attack late one night.

Prompt Number: None

Pairings: Colby Brock x Female Reader

Masterlist

Prompt List

_______________________________

Colby shut his laptop with more force than intended and rubbed his tired eyes. It was past 2am, and he was no closer to finishing the script for his next video.

Glancing around the dimly lit editing room, stacks of notes and camera equipment stared back at him, each item representing hours of work ahead. The never-ending to-do list seemed to stretch into infinity as pressure and perfectionism gnawed away at his sanity.

A tapping at the door pulled Colby from his spiraling thoughts. "Sweetheart, come to bed," said his girlfriend Y/N softly. "You've been at it for hours."

Colby nodded wearily and followed her downstairs. As they curled up under the blankets, Y/N gently stroked his damp hair. "What's keeping you up?" she asked softly.

Colby took a shaky breath. "I just feel so behind. If I don't post at least twice a week, the algorithm will bury me. And the comments..." His voice cracked. "People are always criticising - the lighting, my jokes, who I film with, everything. I try so hard, but it's never enough."

Y/N pulled him closer. "You work like three men already. No one achieves perfection, at least of all in a few hours each time."

Colby knew she was right, but the churning anxiety refused to subside. What if his viewers lost interest? Sponsors pulled funding? It had happened to bigger creators - he wasn't immune.

"I'll never sleep at this rate," he sighed. Reluctantly climbing out of bed, Colby headed back to his prison of screens and cables. Y/N followed, concern etched on her face.

Back in the office, Colby began rewriting his script frantically, deleting and retyping sentences over and over as familiar panic started clawing its way up his throat. What if he picked the wrong topic? Messed up the comedic timing? He typed so fast his hands began to cramp.

A stabbing pain in his chest made Colby gasp for air. Black spots danced before his eyes as the walls closed in, trapping him under the crushing expectation to perform.

Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around him from behind. "Colby, you need to breathe," urged Y/N calmly. She took his trembling hand and placed it on her chest. "In and out, slowly. I've got you."

Colby fought to match her even breaths as crushing anxiety morphed into racking sobs. "I'm losing control," he cried into Y/N's shoulder. "What if I can't do this anymore?"

"Shh, it's okay," soothed Y/N gently. "Come, let's get some air."

Walking unsteadily through the silent house, Colby slowly began to regain control of his breathing in the cool night. Y/N never let go of his hand, grounding him through the lingering panic.

On the back porch, they sat close together, watching the stars. An uneasy silence stretched between them as Colby gathered the courage to speak.

"I'm scared this will break me," he admitted shakily. "I pour everything into videos only to be constantly worried if it's decent enough. It's not making me happy anymore - it's destroying me." A single tear rolled down his cheek.

Y/N gently wiped it away and took his face in her hands. "You are so much more than the metrics or comments say. I see how talented and kind you are every day. This channel was supposed to be fun, so please don't let it ruin your health or us."

Her earnest eyes conveyed nothing but compassion. All the resentful feelings Colby harbored towards himself began to melt away under Y/N's unconditional love and support.

As the first light of dawn broke over the trees, Colby finally felt some of the crushing weight lift. Exhausted but calmer, he leaned into Y/N's shoulder, grateful beyond words that she saw his true worth, not defined by meaningless views or numbers on a screen. This was only the beginning of getting his life back on track, but with her by his side, Colby believed things could get better.

A week had passed since Colby's panic attack, and he was beginning to feel more like himself again. Taking time completely away from YouTube at Y/N's suggestion had brought unexpected relief.

Without daily stresses to focus on, Colby rediscovered long-lost interests like photography and gardening. He spent afternoons going for hikes with Y/N, marvelling at nature's beauty through fresh eyes. Their home filled with snapshot memories from each outing, captured joyfully on film.

With structure and rest, Colby's anxiety gradually released its grip. For the first time in months he slept well, free from dreams about botched collabs or unkind comments. Y/N watched him awaken each day looking more energised, reminding her gently of the importance to maintain this lifestyle.

One sunny afternoon found Colby immersed in tending roses along the fence border. As he trimmed away wilted blooms, flashes of memories surfaced - cramming scripts at 3am, editing well into dawn, forgetting to eat or take breaks. Exhausted, sore hands moved on auto-pilot to create a never-ending stream of content.

His downward spiral had been gradual yet forceful, spurred on by perfectionism and fear of slipping in the algorithm. But Y/N's care dragged Colby kicking and screaming from that dark routine, revealing how lonely the path of overwork had become. A cold shudder passed over him at the realisation of how close he came to burning out completely.

Wiping sweat from his brow, Colby's gaze fell upon Y/N watching tenderly from the porch. Her bright smile warmed his soul, reminding him that life held more meaningful things than views or trends. Carrying the gardening tools inside, Colby collapsed on the couch beside her with a happy sigh.

"Feeling better?" she asked, handing him a cool drink. Colby nodded gratefully. "I'm amazed at the difference a week makes. Things seem clearer now."

He stretched comfortably, thoughts drifting back over stressful nights locked away working endlessly to please abstract metrics, while neglecting real connection. That loneliness had almost swallowed him whole.

"Thank you for pulling me back from the edge," Colby told Y/N earnestly, taking her hands. "I lost sight of what really matters, but you've given me a new perspective."

Y/N leaned in for a lingering kiss. "I'm just glad to have you here, happy and healthy. Promise me you won't let it get that bad again?" Smiling, Colby promised to always communicate how he felt from now on, never bottle things up until breaking point.

That evening, the couple discussed potential strategies for Colby to maintain wellbeing going forward. Setting stricter schedules with enforced breaks, delegating tasks, limiting social media use - simple changes aimed at sustainably managing pressure and burnout prevention.

Colby knew regaining control would take diligent effort. But with Y/N by his side, nothing felt impossible anymore. Her patience and reassurance instilled a calm confidence in his ability to return renewed, without sacrificing mental wellness. The following week, Colby finally felt ready to resume video making.

Armed with new perspective and healthier habits, Colby crafted a short update video explaining his break to concerned viewers. Speaking candidly about mental health awareness and balance, he saw more supportive comments roll in than ever before. The positive reinforcement served to cement Colby's resolution to prioritise fulfillment through diverse passions instead of basing self-worth on one metric's fluctuations alone.

Weeks turned to months of sustainable creativity. True to his word, Colby kept communication lines open with Y/N, never hesitating to discuss feelings or setbacks. With her encouragement he joined local photography groups and took on freelance opportunities to spread creative wings beyond YouTube alone.

Most importantly, Colby learned to be kind to himself through both triumphs and failures. Looking back on a time when anxiety nearly took control of his life, he was profoundly grateful for Y/N's unconditional love and support. It was this care that gave him strength to overcome adversity and regain balance, emerging healthier and happier than ever before.

[mikobeautifulheart]

Megumi's Secretary

(Not edited)

Like - just imagen going for a secretary job at a relatively well known company not fully knowing what your getting yourself into.

You go in for the job interview, resume in hand and every possible answer to any question that they may throw at you.

When your name is called and you walk on the room to see the company's founder sitting at the opposite side of the table.

She seems kind, nice, if she was doing the interview then you must be applying to be HER secretary which is a big job...

You almost walked out when the pressure finally hit you, but you still manages to sit down and smile at her while slowly handing over your resume.

She makes small talk and casually asks you questions, it was more like a conversation then an interview and you started to relax.

"I'm so glad you came today, most of our secretary's walk out after a week, or less..." She laughed awkwardly.

She continued on until till she ended the interview with a final question.

"Can you handle working with people who are hard to communicate with? Not that their difficult rather you would have to follow up alot on." She asked.

"Actually-" You paused thinking back to your high school time when you were paired up with a boy who was...sort of like that.

You did your part and he did his, it was hard to put the parts together smoothly but eventually you did it and got full marks to. After that you always just remember working with him.

Heck you remember falling for him but your school year ended before you ever told him, plus he was a little awkward around you so maybe it just wasn't meant to happen.

You snapped out of that meomory, as if you'd fall for your boss.

"I do actually recall working with someone like that in school, so it wouldn't be anything new." You sighed thinking about how you just let him go.

"Good. You got the job." She smiled

"Wha-Already? Wow thank you, when do you want me to start?" You asked taken aback.

"If you don't mind i'm sure Mr. Fushiguro could show you around the work place now and your main work, after all you'll be his secretary"

His? He? Mr. Fushiguro? Where had you head that name before.

"Megumi come in the meeting room." You heard her say, looking over to see her on the phone.

Only a few seconds later you heard a knock and watched as the door knob turned.

A tall dark haired man walked in with a stoic expression. You felt his annoyance as he looked up at the woman leaving you in the crossfire for what was about to happen.

"Tsumiki, I told you I don't need another secretary, I'll just do it myself." He said adjitated.

"Oh come on Megumi you'll work your self to death at this rate, plus I think you'll like this one~" She said calmly with a smile.

Megumi? Yeah you defiantly have heard that name before...Was it?

You looked up and at the man standing behind you, meeting his eyes.

There was an awkward silence before he sighed in defeat.

"Fine..."

"Megumi this is Y/n, Y/n this is your new boss Megu- Mr. Fushiguro" Tsumiki said with a smile now beaming on her face.

"Nice to meet you-" You say standing up and pausing at the end to see if you could tell where you remembered him.

"Like wise" he said putting his hand out for you to shake.

You look back at Tsumiki worried, why did she hire you if he obviously didn't want you?

"You should show her to her office Megumi." She said.

You do settle into your job and the week 'Mile stone' passes without a complaint.

"You have a meeting at 2 pm this afternoon after your 30 minute lunch break." You said reading through the list on your clip board.

Every time you read off the board you always felt like Megumi was looking somewhere else, like a computer screen or other documents.

Any where but you.

"Well cancel my lunch break and move the next meeting forward." He mumbleled.

"So when should I reschedule your lunch break?" You asked looking for time slots left.

"Don't bother with it, i'm not hungry any way."

"Did you have a break today?" You asked before he could trail off into his work again.

"No, doesn't matter I have a week off by the end of this financial year"

"Liar." You cut him off.

"I have a weeks break at the end of June, you work the most at that point. Megumi, I know your Schedule and work habits, you have a lunch break at 2:30" You turned and walked out his office, leaving him watching your back as you left.

You closed the door gently behind you.

What the...He almost gripped his chest at how hard it tightened.

You pressed your back on his door thinking you were about to have a heart attack. Did you actually just say no to your boss? No way you actually said that. Well if he wasn't going to take care of himself then you would have to make him.

You sat at your desk and noticed a sticky note on your desk, he must have put it there before when you were photo copying prints for him. It must have been something he wanted to schedule or cancel.

You picked up the note and read it, face turning red imediatly.

'Friday afternoon 6 p.m date with my secretary'

You wrote it in his schedule and sent it to hos office for 'confirmation'.

THANK YOU FOR READING ♡

AUTHOURS NOTE: Yes i'm alive and my inbox is almost empty. Pleaseee send me ideasssssssssssssssss. Eh I might make a part 2 of this if i'm that desperate, anyways have a good whatever time.

[dean-a-mean-tae]

Industry Friends | Stray Kids Additional Member AU

Some of Nicholas's friends in the Idol industry

WARNINGS: Mention of trauma dumping, lost idiots, chucking paper at people, unedited... idk. I think that's it.

Nicholas Ross Master List

✧*̥˚Min Yoon-gi*̥˚✧

A Warm Drink On a Cold Day

Honestly, it's hard not to notice the new Afro-Korean idol with all the gossip about him. When Yoongi found out about the way people treated Nicholas, he reached out. He apologized for they way some of ARMY treated him and told Nicholas to reach out if he ever needed anything.

Fast forward to Nicholas asking for his help on his album Damage. They spent time on the phone and even in person talking about lyrics and beats for the songs. It was mostly Nicholas ranting and Yoongi helping him find words to rhyme with, but he still helped. The older man told him not to mention him in the writing process. He believed people would take away the meaning and importance of Nicholas putting it out there.

Their friendship is one where they can go a long time without speaking to each other but when they meet up or reach out the conversations just keeps going. It's never awkward between the two. Sometimes Nicholas and Yoongi rant and give advice to each other, it's usually Nicholas ranting.

Bonus: Yoongi and Nicholas meet up in cafes and such to bounce ideas off each other. Literally. They write an idea on a sticky note and chuck across the table at each other.

✧*̥˚Kim Nam-joon*̥˚✧

Sleep During a Storm

Namjoon knew of Nicholas because of the same reason as Yoongi. He was disappointed when he found out some of ARMY were against the younger boy being in a Kpop group. The older male introduced the two of them, and after a misunderstanding, they became close.

Sometimes Nicholas will call Namjoon to check if he's alive. The man doesn't answer the phone when he's in a productive mood and it leaves Nicholas on edge. Which is hilarious because Nicholas does the same thing and it scares the crap out of everyone.

These two are the types to get on a call with each other, and after catching up on everything, the call call goes silent. It's a comfortable silence, and they just sit there on the phone with each other doing their own things.

Bonus: Nicholas has affectionately named Namjoon Mr. Wizard and it has not gone away. In retaliation, Namjoon calls him Mr. Shackleford. It's the name of The Man In The Yellow Hat from Curious George. Nicholas regrets showing him his favorite childhood cartoon.

✧*̥˚Lee Si Yeon*̥˚✧

A Compass Pointing Home

They met when they slammed into each other while running around during an event held for idols. They were both lost after Si Yeon went to the bathroom and Nicholas went to get something he left behind. They stuck together until Chan noticed on the big screen that Nicholas was stuck in the middle of the place with SI Yeon looking lost.

Their friendship is literally just them finding each other lost somewhere and helping them find their way back to where their supposed to be. It got to the point where Nicholas will call her when he's lost and she's like "I'm on tour. What do you see around you?" Neither of them think to get Nicholas to call Chan or one of the others.

Si Yeon usually finds Nicholas before he finds anyone he knows. It's not hard to see a 6'3 man with a brightly colored hairstyle. He's just slowly turning in a circle trying to find out where he is and she's just like "How does this keep happening to us?"

Bonus: When they go out together, one of them will hook a leash or something onto the other's belt loop. It's freaking hilarious for bystanders.

✧*̥˚𝘽𝙇𝘼𝘾𝙆𝙋𝙄𝙉𝙆*̥˚✧

Tranquility After Chaos

Lisa and Jennie came across an edit of Nicholas interacting with SKZ while scrolling through TikTok. Rose later heard about the issues going on about fans thinking he shouldn't be apart of Stray Kids. Then Jisoo heard about him at a Kpop event. Rose, Jennie, and Lisa were like "That's Nick." And Jisoo was like "Who?" So they had to explain the Nicholas Lore to her.

They're a bit of a strange group. And a bunch of STAY and Blink thought Nick was dating one of the members. None of the members have done anything to go against the rumors and Nicholas acting all cuddly with them doesn't help. They kind of just help each other not cause chaos when at events.

Sometimes they don't speak to each other for like 3 months but then the one of them starts blowing up the group chat so they can catch Nicholas up on the drama and vice versa. Nicholas has and will continue to be used as a step ladder to the higher cabinets by the girls.

Bonus: Nick asked Lisa to help him create a fun song but Nicholas just kept trauma dumping into the song. So the girls laid him on a couch and had him rant to them like a old school therapist.

Nicholas Ross Master List | ©️DEANAMEANTAE2024

Tags List: @bada-lee-ily @jinnie-ret @hwxnghyynjin @foxilsdenn @rensahazard @mynameisnotlaura @lucianidealz @ziipzeepzop-eez @michelle4eve @leezanetheofficial @spookzyclown

You can be added by asking in the replies, sending me a message, or doing an ask thingy.

[el-moscorrofio-y-el-mercachifle]

Besides my obvious annoyance with the new season because of the horrible character understanding from the writers and their ADMITTED goal to change Gaitán's ending, there are other aggravating issues with it:

1. The pacing:

This new novela knows it's in a rush, but we can tell, too. The first episode seems to attack the viewer with so many different new facts and characters and issues. It straight up starts with: Roberto's funeral, Armando and Betty separated and having been so for years now, Armando's presidency in the gutter again, lots of economic issues within the company again, Mila gone for years and her distance with Betty, a new guy that Marcela is suspiciously protective of and planning together to get revenge, Daniel being dead for going to jail from illegal business practices, etc. And all of this in the span of 1 episode. It just hits you with so much that it doesn't even give you the chance to get to know the characters. We haven't seen most of them in over twenty years, and some of them never, so we basically don't know them anymore! It's going so direclty and straight to the point that it feels more like a badly written fanfiction.

2. Lack of builup for tension

Jesus, there is very, very little tension here for the big things that matter. [SPOILER] In one episode we find out that Ecomoda is in bad shape, and just a few ones later, Armando is turning himself in. We don't see him slowly driving himself insane with his moral dilemma, we don't see him desperately trying everything to fix it, we don't even see him turning himself in! Just one episode ends with him saying he was turning himself in, and the next one starts with Armando's mugshot. That's it. No tension at all

3. Bad editing

One of the things that I loved about the old novela were their transitions. The first episodes were amazing with this: while Betty was looking at the magazine of the collection launch and giving her opinions and commentary, we were seeing the pictures of it and then we're taken to the moment the picture was taken. While Gutierrez, Armando and Roberto are talking about Betty and why Gutierrez discarded her, Roberto asks "why would a candidate so well prepared and qualified only want to be a secretary?" And then we see Betty going "because I'm tired of looking for a job!"

Those kind of transitions were incredible, I loved them so much. Now in this new series it just cuts abruptly to something totally different.

4. Inappropriate setting

They really, really tried to make everything seem so modern, and in their effort, they ended up making it so plastic and fake. The office doesn't look like an office at all, but rather a gallery or the lobby of an exotic hotel. The desks almost seem out of place. Sure, it's a fashion business, but it's just so fake looking. Most offices, even modern ones, still look like offices. This one just doesn't feel like it, and that really takes me out of the story.

Finally, and just as a little pet peeve that, objectively, idek if it should count but I'll include nonetheless because I'll forget to make a separete post about it: the robot and the hacking. It's just so cringy and cheap. Are robots like that even in the market fr? AI robots that follow you around and are in the shape of a sewing mannequin? And the whole hacking thing... ugh. As I said it's a personal pet peeve but I always find it cringy when they make these super high-tech knowing characters that can hack on everything and we see on the screen the codes and all of that. I found both of these elements so tacky and unnecessary lmao why not just hide cameras?? Nooo, let's make Daniel wannabe a finance and hacking genius lmao ((this part isn't part of the list I just wanted to vent because my hubby and I died of cringe watching one episode last night where Mila's AI Moving Robot Sewing Mannequin told her someone was hacking into the cameras and Ignacio is cyber-fighting to hide and we see a split screen of him and another of what he's seeing through the cameras and eventually he just closes the lid lmao)) ((anyway little rant over sorry))

[blossomwritesthings]

𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 | 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞

⬷ 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞┊ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 ┊ 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

pairing: minho x felix (minlix)

genre: dancer!minho/artist!felix. brothers best friend troupe. college au. age gap (abt 4 years). minho pov. extremely dark themes throughout, including smut - MDNI, 18+ only.

word count: 4.4k

the playlist 🗡️

a/n: OKAY, SO- 💀 I HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR THE DELAYED UPDATE!!!! 💀😔 My life has been so incredibly fucking busy lately... with working full time and doing summer uni courses full time and planning for lolla and like, the 5 other concerts im going to in the later half of this year... it's been a lot, fam. 😭 I've been under sm stress at work and from school that I've been getting really bad chest pains, but I'm trying to manage things so it's slowly getting better. But the burn out is real, people. That shit fucks you over sooo bad omg 😭 I just have no motivation to write anything at the end of the day or on the weekends because I'm so fucking tired of using my brain all week. Going to Lolla will be my first REAL vacation from work/uni in over 2 and a half years. That's acc insane to me lmao. ANYWAYS!!!! 🗣️💥 I've already written like, 2 more chapters for this fic when I was in a mania-induced rage a few weeks ago lol, so I just need to find the time/motivation to edit those within the next few weeks. And I already have big plans for the rest of the chapters in this so... I'm excited. Now I just gotta find the willpower to ACC write my ideas 😜

🗡️ - ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ other cool stuff ❜┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋread my rules & guidelines here! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋcheck out my skz masterlist! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋmy wip list! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ skz fic recs [sfw ver]! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋskz fic recs [nsfw ver]! :: 18+, MDNI! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋback to navigation! ࿐ྂ

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). do not copy, spin-off, or write inspired work based off of this fanfic without full permission to do so. ©ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

̶﹒⊹﹒sɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴀᴄǫᴜᴀɪɴᴛᴇᴅ,  ʏᴏᴜ sᴋɪᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴏʀеᴘʟᴀʏ ！،، 🌌  𖥻 𓂃 ʜᴇ ɢʀɪᴘs ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴄᴋ  ᴀs ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʀеᴘᴀʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ sᴄʀᴇᴡᴇᴅ╰╮ 🌑

 To his utter surprise, Minho decided to attend Felix’s dorm party that weekend. The final decision shocked the rest of his friends too, who had grown accustomed to his home-body spirit. Because usually, every time they asked — more like begged — him to go to parties with the three of them, he always backed out of everything. His favorite excuses were being too exhausted from dance practice or not feeling good from studying so much. 

  “I actually cannot believe you’re going to this shit,” Chris said with a laugh that night. He was sprawled across Minho’s bed, one earbud in his ear as his head bobbed up and down to a beat he was mixing on his laptop. Meanwhile, Minho was scurrying across his room, slipping on a pair of socks and making sure he looked somewhat put together. But he didn’t want to seem too desperate to fit in either, since he knew that most of the people at the party would be young freshmen and sophomores. 

  He had decided — with a little bit of Chris’ help — on a pair of black sweats, and an oversized graphic tee from one of his favorite Korean bands. It was nothing out of the ordinary for him to wear, but just ‘normal’ enough for him to fit in with the crowd that night. 

  “Honestly, I’m kinda shocked that you’re not going too,” Minho said as he hurried to slip on his Converse.

  With that, Chris looked up from his flashing computer screen with a deep frown plastered across his face. “Do you really think I want to go to a party and watch as my little brother sticks his tongue down at least ten people's throats?” 

  Minho stopped fumbling with his shoelaces and looked up at Chris with a raised eyebrow. “He’s not actually gonna do that tonight, Chris.” 

  “You obviously don’t know my brother these days… the one that’s mature— at least in his eyes, anyway,” Chris started, tapping away at his computer keyboard again and cursing under his breath for a split second. “That little boy that you grew up with is completely gone, Min.” 

  For a few beats, there was utter silence in Minho’s bedroom after Chris’ statement. Then, Minho fit his wallet into his pants pocket and unhooked his phone from his charging port. 

  “Is that why you… don’t really spend a lot of time with him ever since he got to campus?” 

  Chris threw a long roll of his eyes towards Minho, “That, and the fact that I’m a little too old and tired to be fucking around with a bunch of young kids these days.” 

  “Felix isn’t a young kid, Chris. He’s a grown adult.” 

  Sighing heavily, Chris hoisted himself up and off of Minho’s bed, patting his shoulder in a rough way as he passed Minho on the way out of the bedroom. “We’ll see if you change your opinion on that after tonight.”

  And the entire time Minho made the short trek over to the freshman’s side of campus, he couldn’t get Chris’ words out of his head. They were stuck in the depths of his brain, playing over and over again. Because there was no way that Felix would be so badly changed from the last time he had spent a night with him during their childhood. 

  Sure, Minho had noticed a slight change when they had met in the campus gardens the day before, but it wasn’t… that bad. Not like anything Chris was describing.

  Even still, Minho could feel his entire body tense up as he got closer to the freshman dormitory. He could hear his heartbeat in the corners of his ears as he knocked on Felix’s door. He could sense his palms growing cold and clammy as the loud base of music thrummed underneath his feet. 

  Almost as quickly as he had knocked, someone opened the door. He had never seen the guy before, but he had purple-dyed hair and a dazzling white smile. Reaching out to Minho’s hand, the beautiful stranger yanked him in excitedly. 

  “Holy shit- you must be the famous Minho! I’ve heard so much about you!” The guy shouted over the music, closing the door behind Minho and leading the two of them into the nearby kitchen. “I’m Jisung, by the way.” 

  Without even having time to process the chaos that was the person in front of him, Minho’s hand was grabbed by Jisung and shaken thoroughly. “Uhm- nice to meet you, Jisung…” His voice trailed off as his mind carded through the slightly slurred words that had just fallen from the purple-haired man’s lips. “What do you mean by hearing so mu—”

  “Hey, Jisung! Stop being such a fucking weirdo and let the man breathe!” Someone off to their right shouted in an exasperated tone. 

  Minho turned and noticed a dark-haired figure bent over in the shadows of the kitchen. They raised their head from the counter, rubbing their nose and sneezing violently. Slowly, Minho’s eyes registered the small bit of white substance that was left behind and laid out on the kitchen counter in a neat line. The dude was fucking snorting cocaine. Just then, Minho’s focus turned to the rest of the kitchen’s counters, which were lined with a plethora of drinks, drugs, and other shit he didn’t even have names for. A random couple was making out in the background, the girl’s ass pressing down atop the counter as the man between her legs bit violet marks into the side of her neck. 

  Turning his eyes away from the couple, he watched as the cocaine-snorter sidled up to their sides. Slinging a lazy arm around Jisung’s neck, he pulled him in for a tight hug. “You must be Minho, huh?” He asked in a long drawl, the kind you only got with copious amounts of drugs and liquor flowing through your system. 

  “Y-Yeah… Felix invited me to this last minute, but I’m starting to think maybe coming was a bad idea…” Minho said in a quiet voice that was barely decipherable over the ear-piercing rap blasting throughout the entire dorm. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable under the two strangers' gazes, he fit his hands in his pockets, eyes darting around the kitchen for the closest exit. 

  “You’re a lot cuter in person than what I always imagined,” The guy holding onto Jisung said, stumbling over a bit and making Jisung laugh heartily. The guy had soft cheekbones but razor-sharp eyes. The kind that Minho felt were piercing into him and studying his very being with each second that passed. His jet-black hair was messy atop his head and slightly curled at the ends. “I’m Seungmin, by the way. But most of these fucks around here call me Doggy.” 

  Placing a hand on Seungmin’s chest lovingly, Jisung flashed Minho a sly kind of smile. “He can get you anything you want— just say the word, pay up, and he’ll have it in your hands by the end of the week…” Jisung’s words drifted off into the chaos around them as he studied Minho. 

  Minho felt like both of the young men in front of him were sidling him up — wondering, and guessing, why someone as plain and boring as him was connected to Lee Felix in some way. Minho could feel his palms growing sweatier by the second as he gripped the suffocating fabric of his pant pockets. 

  “So— what’s your weakness?” Seungmin slurred on, eyes growing dark as his gaze traced Minho’s form up and down in the kitchen’s dim lighting. “Fet? Coke? Meth—”

  Already starting to feel sick to his stomach by the topic of conversation, Minho held his hands up in a silent plea for him to stop. “Uhm— not really into that kinda shit.” 

  “What a shame… you’d be a pretty addict, for sure.” Jisung said in a flirtatious tone, biting the corner of his lip as he studied Minho.

  Slowly, Minho could feel himself caving inward. His shoulders dropping, and heartbeat turning into a low thrum, all he wanted to do was get out of the situation he was stuck in. “How do you guys know Felix? Are you both freshman too?” 

  Jisung burst out laughing at that, reaching towards the nearby kitchen counter and pouring himself a solo cup full of vodka. “You're kidding me, right? We’ve been Felix’s homies since our high school days.” 

  “And yes, if you must know— we’re freshman’s,” Seungmin said, rolling his eyes as he grabbed the solo cup from Jisung’s hand and took a long swig of it. Much to Jisung’s displeasure. “Why? What’s it to ya?” 

  Minho shrugged nonchalantly, trying to act like the entire atmosphere around them wasn’t making him extremely uncomfortable. “I was just making friendly conversation,” and before he could let either of the guys in front of him say anything more, he decided to remove himself from the situation entirely. “Actually, I think I’m gonna go try and find Felix…” 

  As he was walking away from the kitchen, he could hear the boys snickering behind him, with Jisung shouting in slurred words, “Good luck finding him if he’s getting his dick sucked in the bathroom!” Minho could hear the two guys laughing manically in the kitchen as he made his way into the rest of the dorm. 

  Immediately upon entering the living room, he remembered just how small the freshman’s living spaces were. The entire place was jammed packed full of bodies writhing and shaking. A space in the middle of the room had been cleared for a makeshift dance floor, so couples were grinding up on each other and making out to the sultry r&b coursing throughout the entire place. Bodies filled up every seat and sofa in the vicinity. 

  The entire room was dark with the curtains closed. That added to the smoky atmosphere, as people smoked cigs, vapes, and joints everywhere that Minho looked. It was hard to see through the haziness of everything, but eventually, he spotted Felix. 

  Felix was… 

  Sitting on one of the couches, 

  Busy making out with another guy.

  And just then, Minho couldn’t even understand the exact feelings he had upon such a discovery. It was a mix of surprise, queasiness, but also… something else too, which he dared not name. 

  He shoved everything down into a firm ball in the pit of his stomach, shuffling towards a nearby table and popping himself a cold bottle of soju. Taking a long swig from the chilled rim, he gradually shuffled his way through the dance floor over to where Felix was. 

  The younger man seemed to exude a certain kind of presence… captivating at least half of the room with his aura. Felix's energy was dark and smoky and… something so mysterious and foreign to Minho, he had no idea how to navigate all of it. 

  “Felix— hi,” Minho yelled over the loud music, waving towards Felix to catch his attention. There were a few other people squished onto the sofa where he was sitting, but all of them were focused on the tv screen which was flashing with an intense game of Super Smash Bros. 

  As soon as Felix’s focus was caught, he was pulling away from the other man’s lips. In the dimness of the room, Minho distinctly caught onto the way that messy strings of saliva parted from their lips, and how Felix’s mouth was puffy and swollen from kissing all night.

  Eyes brightening and pink freckled cheeks shading just a tiny bit, Felix shot up from his spot on the couch, fumbling his way over to Minho’s side. For a split second, Minho was able to gaze at Felix’s form — at the white skort he was wearing which was so short, half of his ass was exposed, and the baby-blue crop top that rose just above his belly button. A belly ring glinted in the sultry lighting of the room, along with all of the silver earrings, rings, and necklaces that adorned Felix’s milky-white skin. 

  “M-Min, oh my god, you made it!” Felix exclaimed happily, tugging on Minho’s wrist gently and leading him over to his spot on the couch. The man that he had been making out with only seconds before shuffled to the side, allowing room for Minho to sit down. Then, he grabbed Felix’s hips and sat him down on his lap. Felix let out a tiny giggle, snuggling his ass backward and earning a grunt from the guy underneath him. “I’m so happy to see you!” 

  Minho flashed him the best smile he could muster at that moment. What with being incredibly overstimulated by everything, and the shock of meeting some of Felix’s... choice friends, and seeing his best friend’s little brother making out viscerally at a party… 

  The night definitely wasn’t turning out as he had hoped, that was for sure. 

  “I met some of your friends, they’re uhm— interesting, to say the least,” Minho laughed awkwardly, carding a few shaking fingers through his hair. “I wasn’t expecting you to be… part of such a crowd, Lix.” 

  Felix shrugged the tiniest of bits, his eyes flicking away from Minho’s and focusing on the video game some of the others were playing. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Minho. Things have changed since the last time we hung out.” There was a weight to his words, they felt heavy on Minho's shoulders and weighed on his heart. Even still, he tried to push away those feelings and just live in the moment, without any worries or inhibitions 

  “That’s for sure…” 

  But Minho wasn’t really paying attention to anything else that Felix was saying, if he was saying anything at all. Because he was too busy watching the guy underneath Felix draw circles against his bare skin. Fingers skirting across his skin, the guy softly massaged the soft skin of his thighs, forcing gooseflesh to erupt to the surface. 

  “This is Renjun, by the way,” Felix said, cutting through the silence between them and breaking the trance Minho had fallen into. “He’s a… friend, of sorts.” 

  Renjun turned his face away from Felix’s body, taking a long drawl of a joint that Minho hadn’t even noticed was positioned between his fingers. “Yeah, ‘cause friends definitely stick their dicks in each other’s assess… that's just what friends do, right?” Renjun let out a loud cackle, the kind that would probably make Minho burst out into laughter too, if they were in a different situation. 

  Felix gave the man underneath him a deep frown before his eyes focused back on Minho. “I mean… if you’re truly friends— anything could happen, right?” Just then, he started moving again, hips circling just a little bit atop Renjun’s lap. Almost instantly, the dark-haired man was groaning out loud and clutching onto Felix's hips for dear life. And the entire time, Felix kept his gaze locked with Minho's, practically staring right into his soul.

  Minho was keenly aware of the dry saliva he swallowed down, trying to ignore the way his heart lept just a little bit in his chest at the sight of Felix grinding down against Renjun’s lap. Trying to ignore the way his pants grew just a tiny bit tighter at the sight of Felix flashing Renjun a playful, dim smirk. 

  “Renjun, stop fucking moaning, you’re ruining the vibes right now!” A silver-haired guy who was sitting in front of Minho said. He was part of the group that was focused on the tv, playing Smash like they were in a professional tournament or some shit. “I’m Jeongin, by the way, Lee Felix’s bestie since the sixth grade.” The silvered fox said, momentarily looking away from his game and flashing Minho a smile. 

  At that, Renjun let out a low chortle. “Too bad you weren’t close enough to fuck him, eh?”

  Minho’s attention darted from Jeongin’s face back to Renjun, examining the way his raven locks were somewhat disheveled— like they had been gripped pretty hard recently. 

  Gripped hard by… Felix. 

  Felix threw his hands up into the air, seeming to admit defeat. “What is it with everyone around here wanting to fuck me?!” He exclaimed- although he didn’t seem that upset by the prospect in the first place. Instead, he grabbed ahold of the joint Renjun was smoking and took a long drag of it. Blowing the smoke up in the air around him, Felix’s slightly hooded gaze zeroed back onto Minho. “It’s not like I’m that attractive— I only get the young people to fuck me.” 

  Minho shifted in his spot on the couch, feeling that floaty, twisted snake thrum through his veins. He stared down at his strawberry-flavored soju bottle, pretending to be fascinated with the label. When in actuality, he was doing everything in his power to avoid Felix’s stare. 

  “I mean, who wouldn’t wanna fuck you? You’re cute— you’re hot, you’re fun, and you’re a damn good bottom, too.” Renjun said in a deep voice, and through the reflection of the tv screen in front of them, Minho could make out the way he leaned down and pressed a feverish kiss to Felix’s exposed neck.

  Like a train wreck that you can’t stop watching, Minho couldn’t help but turn his head to watch Felix atop Renjun again. He was still dancing across his lap, doing so with a little more fervor this time. The compliments probably fueled his fire, Minho assumed. Felix was gradually beginning to wreak of a mix of weed, liquor, and the sweet scent of floral perfume. Yet in that moment, it was all too intoxicating for Minho. 

  Turning his head slowly, Felix ruffled Renjun’s locks playfully. “Awe thanks— I feel so flattered that you find me pretty, Renjunnie~” He cooed in a gentle voice, fingers skirting across Renjun’s round cheek with a caress. 

  “Well, I’m sure Minho sure doesn’t wanna fuck you.” Jeongin deadpanned, his voice cascading down around their small group. He was still focused on the game but bent his head backward a bit. Fox-like eyes studied Minho’s face in the smokiness of the room just then. And Jeongin’s lips cracked into a wide, Cheshire grin just as he turned back to the tv. “Actually, never mind— maybe he does.” 

  The entire time, Minho had been entirely too quiet. Letting everything play out, observing and judging silently. He was probably the oldest one in that room, and he could feel the significance of his grade year and maturity weighing down on his shoulders like a 200lb barbell. 

  He took a final swig of his soju, before tossing it into a nearby trashcan. “Honestly, I’m old enough to be his brother, so no— definitely not,” Minho said in a low tone, his throat constricting a tiny bit. 

  But it was just the alcohol, it was just the liquor that was getting to him. 

  And the weed in the air and the cigarettes and every other thing floating around him. It was the loud bass thrumming through the bottoms of his feet and it was the blaring disco ball that was flashing rainbow-colored shapes on the dance floor. 

  Yes, it was all of that… 

  And none of what Felix was doing beside him, or how Felix was looking at him or- 

  “I mean, yeah— a dancer and fashion designer together?? Fucking hell, it’d never work. Aren’t dancers always too tired to even get it up in the first place?” Renjun slurred his words just a tiny bit, as the weed no doubt flooded into his system. 

  “But I bet those hips don’t lie!” Jeongin shrieked with laughter, slapping his leg in happiness at their stupid jokes. 

  So suddenly, Minho realized why he was invited to the party in the first place. 

  He wasn’t included to have a good time, or because he was missed, or because people wanted to meet him. 

  No, he was invited to be the laughing stock of everyone there… 

  Hey guys- look! A stupid ass senior shimmying his way into a freshman party, look at how stupid he looks— 

  trying to hit on the hottest guy on campus.

   And the thinks that he has a fighting fucking chance when everyone else wants — and gets to have Felix — 

  But no , definitely not him, not ever. The brother’s best friend?? Felix would never stoop so low. 

  The energy shifted between Minho and the rest of them sitting there on the couch, freezing in place as soon as he shot up from his spot on the couch. Yanking out his phone from his pants pocket, the screen flashed with the time — one in the morning. He had been acting stupid, been the night’s entertainment, for more than three hours. And just as he realized the time, he noticed the eyes on him — how half of the room was watching him, with people hiding their smiles and laughs behind palms and solo cups and joints. 

  “I have class tomorrow, I should head out.” Is the only explanation he gave, not even affording Felix or the others another glance as he pulled away from the sofa and forced his way through the shaking bodies on the dance floor. And when Jisung and Seungmin called out to him from the kitchen as he passed them by, he gave them no attention. 

  The eyes on his back, which he could feel the entire way to the door, just about killed him. He felt like he was about to suffocate, his heart racing against his ribcage, pushing and pushing, just like he had been pushed all night by everyone. 

  And Felix was no better. 

  He was no better than everyone else because he was the one who had invited him in the first place. 

  So Minho was shocked, then, when he felt a small hand grab ahold of his wrist just as he was about to step into the elevator. To take him away from such a hellhole and such a depressing prison of losers. 

  “Minho— wait, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean—”

   Minho didn’t even turn around, couldn’t, in that moment. Instead, he let Felix hold onto him, let the feeling of his nimble fingers cascade through his system. Let Felix gradually move his hand until he was threading his fingers through Minho’s. 

  Just like they used to sometimes when they hung out together in their childhood. 

  When they were bored, and no one was around, and Chris was nowhere to be found and they could— 

  “It’s all my fault, I’m sorry— I was so fucking stupid for thinking—”

  “Why do you hang out with those people?” 

  Was all that Minho could manage to say, focusing his attention on the way Felix’s hand radiated warmth, how it lit up all the synapses of Minho’s body and kindled the dying fire inside of the deepest parts of him. 

  “They’re my friends, they’re not just ‘people’ to me.” 

  At that, Minho let out a dry laugh. The kind that had no humor in it and was completely sardonic. “What a great bunch of friends you got there, Lix…” 

  Minho regretted the moment he said the word, the moment he used the old nickname in such a cold, seething kind of way. Because as soon as it fell from his lips, the warm fingers wrapped around his were pulling away. 

  “I was nice enough to invite you, I was nice enough to let you into my life again— and you’ve decided to shit on it.” Minho still had his back turned on him, but he could imagine the look on Felix’s face then. If his low, venomous tone was anything to go off of. 

  Slowly, Minho turned around. He found his body moving on their own accord. And just like that, he was facing Felix again. Minho was studying his face and the way it was drained of all color. How there was nothing in his eyes then, but only heartbreak and barely-masked tears. 

  “I never asked to be let in, Felix,” Minho said, but the words came out as a whisper. Like if he spoke loud enough, someone from inside the party would hear them and come running out to take photos. Look, the campus's local desperate senior trying to coax the popular freshman into- “You know I didn’t. Not like this, never.” 

  Without even trying to, Minho could feel his body moving again. His hand reached up and caressed Felix’s cheek. Thumb smoothing across freckles and softness, brushing just underneath his long eyelashes. And for a moment, just like it was once again a dream, Felix leaned into it. Let himself go for but a mere breath, sighing into it. 

  He pressed his face a little closer to Minho’s hand, eyes fluttering shut only slightly. Cheeks heating up underneath Minho’s touch, Felix's gaze shot open again as soon as the thumb underneath his eye migrated to his mouth. Migrated to caressing his bottom lip. 

  “Don’t.” 

  Minho watched the single word escape past Felix’s lips, and instantly, the tension in the air between them broke and shattered. Like someone had taken a knife to his heart once more, tearing him apart by flesh and bone, his hand was dropping from Felix’s skin. 

  “Go back to the party so you can get fucked by Renjun.” 

  The statement was a double-edged sword, both of them knew. 

  The words registered in Felix’s mind and Minho watched as the disdain colored his energy again. Painting him in violent shades of crimson and lilac, Felix said nothing as Minho backed away and into the elevator. 

  Just before he was able to press the button inside to go down, Felix reached out and grabbed ahold of the elevator’s door. “Don’t you ever fucking come back around these parts, or I’ll-” He spit out in a wicked kind of way, the emotions swirling in his pupils. 

 “You’ll… what? Beat me up? You and I both know you’re not capable of that, Lixie…” Minho said, his tone winding around the crackling air between them. He flashed Felix one final smirk, before pushing the button to go down to the first floor. 

  The last thing he saw before the elevator doors closed was Felix’s face, the way his pretty red lips were pressed into a firm, displeased line. The way his eyes were hooded with a mix of rage and exasperation. 

  The last thing that Minho saw on Felix’s face that night was utter betrayal and contempt… 

  To be honest, it was just like the old days again… when Minho had told Felix he was leaving for university and they'd never be able to talk again...

  He had wished to travel back to their childhoods so much, 

  And like a blessing from the God’s, he had been afforded such a thing. 

  What a sweet memory to travel back to… Such sweet revenge to be gifted. 

─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───

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[midnight1nk]

(gonna take a break from theories since the last episode didn't give much for me to add on and would have to wait until the next one. instead, i'm gonna give random episode concepts that i came up with. mostly, they are just things i would love to see in the show.)

Episode concepts #1

I would love to see a Parent Trap-inspired episode centered around the SMG4 kids. (If you haven't seen the Disney movie, go ahead and check it out if you can).

Basically, I imagine SMG4 and SMG3 having one of their clashes again. Y'know, as always. That was until it got a little too personal, to the point that the two stormed off and went on their separate ways. Unknownst to them, Eggdog and Beeg4 noticed what happened.

If they were watching it from afar or they only saw the aftermath, you decide. The two made contact and came to an agreement. The banter and kitty-fighting between their dads, that's like every Tuesday for them. But this one... ouch. The thing is they don't actually hate each other, they are just horrible at communicating. The kids knew that, I mean Beeg and Eggdog are basically brothers at this point.

our dads are getting a divorce nooooo

They went to their Uncle Mario for help. After a moment, Mario came up with an idea but he needed the kids to stall him for time.

In this part of the story, I went two ways with this:

(1) Beeg4 and Eggdog decided to switch places for the day. They hoped their presence would ease the harsh tension between them. (Besides, it would be a great opportunity to bond with their future "other dad".) And so, Eggdog went to hang out with Four at the castle while Beeg went with Three at the café. From the looks of it, the two seemed to have calmed down but still looked tense and bitter about what happened before. Four and Three respectively were both confused as to why the other kid was there but they didn't object.

Cue a montage of Four and Eggdog hanging out, just checking off Four's to-do list for the day. Cut to Three running around, taking orders, while Beeg sat in the corner with his beach chair. Probably eating some of the café treats. Hey, Eggdog said to "keep an eye" on Three, not that he actually had to work. It was getting boring though.

We return to Eggdog sitting on Four's bed and enjoying the record player while Four is editing a video. Now that Eggdog thought about it, hours have already passed and Four hasn't moved an inch away from the screen. Concerned, Eggdog advises him to take a break. The good news was Four complied. It left Four remembering back in IGBP livestream, Three was the one who checked on him the most. Sure, he was being possessed by the demonic keyboard but he heard Three through the door. Three really did care about him, huh...

Meanwhile, Three's mind is a complete mess right now. Going from the counter to the coffee machine to each table, he keeps getting distracted and messing orders up. Sure, he could tell a rude customer to stick it. But he really misses having Eggdog around. He did force Beeg to serve people. Though Beeg was reluctant, he strangely did what he was told. And even then it wasn't enough.

Three accidentally dropped a couple of dishes, causing a whole domino effect of complete chaos. Coffee spilled on every surface imaginable, plates were thrown into a thousand pieces. Due to the chaos, all the customers left the café, leaving Three and Beeg alone in silence. Beeg lets out a pufferfish noise, good riddance. That was when he noticed Three. Beeg couldn't see his face but the purple meme guardian was silent, slowly picking up one of the fallen chairs. Three slips out a shaking inhale. It clicks for Beeg.

Now, Beeg usually picks up a fight. Baths? Oh, hell no!!! Ice cream? You better give it to him or you will never see the light of day again. Other than that, he couldn't be bothered by anything. That doesn't mean he isn't aware of what's going on. It's just he doesn't know how to express himself, similar to Three.

Beeg isn't sure how to handle the situation so he tries picking up the cup that laid before Three. We finally see Three's face, his expression a mix of frustration and sadness. Mostly directed towards himself. It changes when he sees Beeg helping out. Three quickly swipe away a tear, the two share a nod and clean the rest of the store up.

Back to Four and Eggdog, Four confesses that he might've taken things a bit too far and wants to apologize, if Three would let him. Eggdog lets out a happy bark, glad that Four would like to make amends and knowing his dad, Three would forgive him. So they decide to head to the café.

Speaking of the café, Three and Beeg already finished up. Exhausted, the two take a seat at one of the tables. Three confesses how he feels about Four. Four has no sense of style, no humor. Perhaps even a little pathetic. However, Four is different compared to the rest of the Crew. Even with no style, he is still good-looking. Even if his jokes fall flat, Four somehow manages to make him laugh. Even if he claims that he can't fight, Four's determination always shines through.

They were truly things he admired about Four.

A beat of silence, perhaps Beeg looking at the camera, "live beeg reaction" style. Three comes to the conclusion that the argument they had earlier was the thing that made him lose focus. That and also the fact that Beeg looked so much like his dad. He should set things right. Not that he cared for Four or anything...baka...

As if the spaghetti gods were listening, the café door opens with Four and Eggdog coming in. Of course, each dad hugs their child, expressing how much they missed them. Then, there was Four and Three, awkwardly standing around. With a little help from the kids, the two reconciled and shared a tender smile. Four suggests that they should take the kids for some ice cream and they all agree.

Just as they are walking out of the door, Mario comes in out of nowhere with a truckload of gum, approaching at them a terrifying pace. "Who's ready for round two? :D" Y'know, same old shenanigans.

The rest screams and cuts to credits.

OR (2) Same as number one, but this time, Eggdog and Beeg disguised themselves to look like the other. With makes things arguably funnier with the two pretending to be like their brother. I could just imagine Three calling out to Beeg, "Are you ready for your bath, Eggdog?" and Beeg freaking the hell out but he can't show it. Of course, Four and Three find them out pretty quickly. The rest continues on to the end.

That is it, my dear fellows!

I'm a big fan of the 'SMG4 Kids' episode and I would've loved to see more of Eggdog and Beeg4's dynamic. WE👏NEED👏MORE👏BEEG4👏AND👏EGGDOG👏BROTHERLY👏MOMENTS👏

(I do have another concept that is similar to this one but it mainly focuses on Eggdog, so stay tuned for that...)

Overall, I just want a wholesome episode that could also expand dynamics and future moments. Like Beeg4 being a guest on Three's live streams, Three and Beeg being really passionate about weapons. Don't worry about that explosion that just happened. Or maybe Four taking Eggdog to the mall, Four helping Eggdog dress up, Eggdog giving Four some compliments on his video progress. Or even the whole family going out together and having a picnic/day at the beach. My god, the possibilities...

[sugalaritae]

the safety zone (jhs) 1/?

summary: it's been exactly 15 years since you saw jung hoseok, your brother's high school best friend and the one who's virginity you took; you don't expect to have anything in common with him least of all a list of things like: living in the same city, enjoying sex (some might say a little too much... judgemental bastards), music, and fashion (amongst so many other things). you definitely don't expect a friendship to bloom or how complicated that friendship could be.

pairing: jung hoseok x f! reader (with background jeon jungkook x the same reader)

genre: the big three: (eventual) smut, fluff, and angst

au: brothers best friend, friends to lovers, based off the movie sleeping with other people, aged up characters (everyone is in their thirties)

rating: 18+

word count: 2.6k

warnings: another fic taking place in canada (this time ontario...which sort of needs a warning), slight mention of anxiety about returning to the town you grew up in, also anxiety over driving, talk of virginity (it's a social construct and absolutely stupid!!), drinking, legal drug use (marijuana), high school reunions (*shudders*), discussion of teenage sex, indigo namjoon and this fucking devastating hoseok

author’s note: oh look griddle has decided to start another drabble series!! this time for our dear jung hoseok because fucking hell i miss him already. i watched sleeping with other people today and i have been wanting to write a hoseok romance (heat waves pt2 is coming don't worry), so this idea slid into my head and then i decided to make it a drabble series and here we are. some of the chapters might just be texting or phone calls, some of it might actually be things that happen, some of them will just be smut (mostly hoseok fucking randos and reader fucking jungkook) i'm sorry for whatever this is. i hope you enjoy it just as much as i do. this is only LIGHTLY edited bc ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The road ahead of you is full of small hills. You’re fine with driving up and down them now but you remember what it was like to learn how to drive on these roads; the forest around you on either side, the long road down and then the seemingly longer road upward. It’s surprising how now, even years later, you can feel the slight bubble of anxiety in your chest. You can hear your brother’s voice from the backseat tell you that you’re being stupid for being anxious.

”Nothing is going to happen.”

”You do not know that!”

Still, you check the breaks as you’re going down the first hill and they’re working. So you take a breath and you remind yourself that you’re going to be okay.

You know the anxiety is also there because you’re returning home. For a stupid high school reunion, you can’t really believe that you let Namjoon talk you into this. Fifteen years is actually a stupid number that makes you feel old but still, you’re driving the three hours and you’re going to this stupid thing for at least an hour even if you don’t want to and even if you think it’s the dumbest fucking thing to do on a Saturday night.

Instead of concentrating on the anxiety you concentrate on the road ahead of you and the view that you have from the top of each hill. Slowly the town you grew up in begins to appear closer and closer.

You haven’t missed the town itself but you’ve missed the view.

Your phone beeps and for a brief moment you look down at it hoping that you’ll see a certain name flash across it but it’s only your Namjoon’s name. First a text and then the worst picture of him filling your screen. You press the green button on your car’s console.

“Hey.”

“How far out are you?” he asks.

“Like twenty minutes, why? You said the thing wasn’t starting until seven.”

“It’s not but there’s a few of us that are getting together for supper beforehand and I thought maybe, since you’ve been driving you would be hungry.”

This is your brother, kind and considerate while also being an incredible pain in the ass for dragging you to a place that you swore you would never go back to.

“Who is a few of us? Because I’m not super interested in eating with a bunch of guys that all thought playing on the high school soccer team was the best years of their lives like a fucking Bruce Springsteen song.”

“Springsteen never wrote about soccer players only baseball players.”

You groan, “whatever.”

“It’s a few from the team but I thought you’d want to come because Hobi will be there.”

Hobi. Hoseok Jung, the man who’s virginity you took (who also took yours but that’s irrelevant) the night of your prom night. The man who you left still sleeping in the hotel room he had paid for before you flew across the country to study art history. The man who you haven’t spoken to since that night.

Even though, sometimes, you still masturbate to the thought of him. Fifteen years later.

“Hello?? You still there.”

Your brother does not know that there was ever a you and Hobi and you hope that he never will. He’s not protective, just one of those things that you would rather keep to yourself because Namjoon has never really been great at not involving himself in your life (that goes two ways but again, not relevant).

“Yeah, sorry. I guess I’ll come. However, I want it on record that I’m still pissed off you convinced me to come to this thing.”

You hear him clear his throat as he puts on what you like to refer to as his professional voice, “Noted.”

“Thank you. Can I at least shower and change before I meet up with you guys?”

“Umma has your room ready and waiting.”

You sigh, “that’s the only good thing about this whole weekend, Umma and Appa.”

You miss dinner with Namjoon and his friends mostly because you don’t want to visit a restaurant that had been your regular hangout spot when you were a teenager, and you missed your father’s cooking; but now you regret it because instead of being in one of Namjoon’s friend’s car you are in being driven by your father to the school that you had sworn you would never return to. The whole situation makes you feel like a teen again. Well, except that you are dressed better than you had ever imagined you would be at 34.

“Have fun tonight. If you and Joon need a ride home because you’ve had too much to drink don’t be scared to wake Umma and I,” your father said with a smile on his face.

The whole situation is surreal and you laugh a little, nodding.

“Appa, if that happens then we’re going to walk home. I’m not going to wake you and umma up especially after she just said that you haven’t been sleeping well.”

Your father shakes his head and brushes the air with his hand.

“Don’t listen to her.”

“Appa!”

He gives you a smile that he shares with Joon as he returns his hand to the steering wheel and nods.

“Have fun,” your father says with a softness in his eyes that make you feel guilty for not coming home to visit more. They’re good people, your parents, and you are the daughter who can’t return home because she’s too busy.

“Thank you, Appa.” you say as you grip the car’s doorhandle.

You open the door and step out into the night air. Walking a few steps before you fix your blazer and wonder if maybe you should have worn a dress instead of a suit. Looking down at your heels you remind yourself that you look like the badass bitch that you are and whisper the mantra that your therapist had told you to say.

“I can do this, I am capable and I can do this,” you whisper feeling just a little ridiculous.

“You can do this,” a deep voice says behind you.

You turn around with a smirk already playing on your face knowing just who will be standing behind you. Sure enough, Hoseok Jung stands in front of you, one hand in his trouser pocket while the other one holds a joint and you watch as he brings it to his lips and takes a long toke.

“At least I don’t need drugs to calm me down,” you say and you watch as he meets your smirk with one of his own.

“You sure?” he asks with an arched brow and then holds out the joint and chuckles as you take it carefully.

You take a smaller toke at first but then follow up with another slightly longer one before slowly blowing it out. You’re not entirely sure if you should be concerned you don’t cough because that only means that your lungs are used to it and you don’t really want that.

“How you been?” he asks as you hand back the joint.

“Oh you know… busy.” It’s such a lame answer but it’s all you have. “You?”

He nods in response, then slowly rips off the lit end of the joint and closes off the end before tucking it into his blazer pocket.

“You look good. We missed you at the restaurant,” he says as his gaze lazily drifts over your body an action that makes you feel just that except it italics — good.

“Your shirt is ugly,” you say playfully because you do think it is actually a little hideous even though he’s pulling it off in a way that makes you just a little furious.

He chuckles and shakes his head, “it isn’t though. You like it.”

There’s a buzz already between the two of you and you know that it’s not just the weed. It’s a feeling that has been waiting for fifteen years. It’s mature now, a little more subdued, but still makes you feel excited at the possibilities.

“Come on, let’s go inside. Joon is waiting for us.”

You feel the pressure of his hand on your lower back and you step away from it as you slap at his arm.

“Okay Jung, I think I need a few drinks in me before you get to do that.”

He chuckles again and you’re suddenly aware that it’s not the laugh you remember him having, this one is deeper like it’s coming from his chest instead of his head where the higher, excited laughter you remember came from. You know it’s still there and you hope you get to hear it again. You always liked that laugh of his; it made you feel bright from the inside out like he was pulling happiness through the anxiety and settling all of your teenage hormones.

Hoseok and Namjoon met when all three of you were sixteen years old. Hoseok, a transfer from Vancouver, had joined the soccer team and become instant friends with your twin brother and his soccer buddies. You had hated them a little because they were loud and always kicked you out of the living room to watch bad movies teen-boy movies. Except you got to know them because Namjoon was your other half and you tended to meld your friend groups together.

You hadn’t really noticed Hoseok until the night of your prom, in the school gymnasium, and suddenly it was like you both became aware of the other at the same time. Your eyes locked on the dance floor and half an hour later you were pulled into the darkened hallway and being pushed against a locker as his mouth found yours. You had to pretend that nothing had happened as you all packed into the limousine and while everyone was getting progressively more drunk in one hotel room, Hoseok fumbled with your dress in another.

It should have been more awkward than it was. He was gentle and checked in with you and used his hands more than you thought he would.

“You know Hobi is moving to Toronto next month,” Namjoon says as the three of you walk in the general direction of your parent’s house.

Your system is still processing the mixture of alcohol with the weed even though it’s been three hours and you do not like the feeling that ricochets around your head with each step. Also your feet hurt. Heels are the devil’s creation.

You’re happy to be out in the fresh air though. Everything about the reunion was horrible, even though you only spent time at the table with your old friends, there were people there that you had never wanted to see again let alone make small talk with. You didn’t care how many children they had or how they had married their high school sweetheart.

“Oh? Really?” you ask turning to look at Hobi who is standing between you and your brother.

“Yeah,” he says with a wide grin, his gaze drifting just a little to your lips before he meets your gaze again. “I got a job there and I’m excited I think it will be a nice change from out west.”

You bump his shoulder with yours. “Congratulations. You’re going to have to take my number then because you need to know at least more than Yoongi, and Joon isn’t moving back for another two months.”

“I have other friends there,” Hoseok chuckles.

“No one as cool as me though,” you respond with another shoulder bump.

There’s a comfortable silence that settles over the three of you for a moment before Namjoon perks up and imitates Jessica Brookwood (one of the many annoying blonde girls you had gone to school with, who, at the reunion seemed just a bit too excited to have everyone together again) as he shouts, “OH MY GOD! The four of us all together in Toronto?! It will be just like high school!!”

The three of you burst into laughter and there it is — the laugh that lights you up. You grin wide as you watch Hoseok pause and bend backward as he laughs and gripping Joon’s elbow.

You’re surprised to realize that you missed him.

Your head has finally synced back up with the rest of your body by the time you change out of your suit and into your pajamas. You need water though and so you wander down into the kitchen only to find Hoseok also doing the same thing, except he’s only in boxers and a plain white t-shirt. Namjoon had insisted he stay at your family house instead of at the hotel because he had walked you home and the hotel was five blocks away. Hoseok had agreed but you hadn’t expected to have a run-in with him.

“Hey,” you whisper as you open up the cupboard and grab a glass out from it. “Couldn’t sleep?”

He shakes his head, “cotton mouth.”

He hands you the glass he just filled from the brita jug.

“I haven’t drunk from it, promise.”

“Thanks.”

You settle against the counter as you take a sip and watch him.

“I mean it,” you start as you tap your fingers gently against the glass. “We need to get together. I know some pretty great places to eat.”

He smiles and nods as he puts the water jug back into the fridge.

“I would really like that,” he says softly as he moves to stand in front of you and holds out his glass to you. “To reconnecting.”

“To reconnecting,” you say as you tap your glass gently to his.

That familiar buzz slips between you and up your legs. You know that you could kiss him here, that he could press you against the counter and lift you up onto it so you could wrap your legs around his waist and pull him closer. You think about how he could slip his fingers into your cotton pajama pants and make you wet; and for a moment you think it might happen until your phone buzzes on the counter beside you breaking the eye contact you shared.

“Goodnight,” he whispers and gives you a nod before he slips out of the kitchen and down toward Joon’s room.

You take a deep breath to centre yourself before you look beside you and grab your phone. This time, the name you had hoped to appear on your screen all night is there.

Jungkook Jeon: Miss you. Can I see you?

Your palms are suddenly sweaty and you take a deep breath trying to calm down the excitement that he’s texted you for the first time instead of the other way around. You hated that you had followed your friend’s advice and had waited for him to text you before you texted him.

You: I’m out of town.

Jungkook Jeon: When are you back, baby? I miss your taste. I fucking miss you under me

You look around the room and listen for any movement that might surprise you, but the house around you is silent.

You: Tomorrow evening.

Jungkook Jeon: Can I see you? Fuck baby! It’s been too long and I need you

You let the mixture of self-loathing and desire you’ve long made friends with back into your chest as you type out your response.

You: I’ve missed you so much Kook. I need you more than you realize.

Jungkook Jeon: Good. Come back to my place before anywhere else

You: Ok!

Jungkook Jeon: Goodnight, baby. I’ll be thinking of you before I fall asleep

You: Tell me what you’re thinking.

©sugalaritae. Do NOT repost, edit, or translate any of my work. I only post on ao3 and tumblr

[limbusrailway]

✨ and 📖 for the Limbus ask meme! Saw that you also like classic lit :]

✨️ - I have a soft spot for Pursuance Meursault!! I wish I had a Lantern Gregor as well but he will come home some day :3 Though if I am to be candid and cave to my friends' loving callouts. Pink Shoes... I-I think everyone likes the Roseate Desire set though... Right?

📖 - HM okay time to go down the list! I hope to read all of them someday but obviously the varied lengths and different copyright statuses and languages of the works makes it a little bit of a quest. I shall go in order!

I have a translation of Yi Sang's book sitting ready to go on my laptop but haven't started quite yet.

I have both Marlowe's and Goethe's Fausts as physical copies and am slowly making my way through (I expect Goethe to go faster because Marlowe writes in Shakespearean English so it can get tricky).

I know the basics of Quixote's but have yet to get my hands on a copy. Hopefully soon! I know it is LONG though so we shall see.

No idea where to find Hell Screen (Ryoshuu) but I sincerely hope I'll be able to read it untranslated someday, as I'm learning JP.

Read The Stranger earlier this year, before I knew about the game actually! Meursault is my blorbo in all forms. I still sometimes lose it over excerpts from the novel with friends.

HONG LU IS ANOTHER LONG ONE I HAVE NOT TOUCHED I probably can't read it untranslated but I have friends that are native Chinese speakers so when I get to it I'm hoping they'll be able to help point out translation nuances.

Wuthering Heights is sitting on my shelf it's another I haven't gotten to quite yet. I have a reason though that being that my favorite joke about it is less funny if I know what happens. That being that obviously the only thing that happens in Wuthering Heights is that the Heights are Wuthing.

I tried to read Moby Dick when I was like 7 it did not stick lmao. We shall remedy this shortly. Call me Fishmael. I did enjoy losing it seeing an entire shelf of ONLY different editions of Moby Dick at a bookstore recently though.

I am presently reading Crime and Punishment :D gods there is so much monologuing (I love it)

EMIL SINCLAIR EMIL SINCLAIR MY BELOVED YOU HOMOSEXUAL YOU GENIUS um in any case I read Demian around 2 months ago I have not stopped thinking since my discord status is a Demian reference I constantly talk to people about it it has inspired me to fucking go for living my life

Tried reading The Odyssey when I was like 12 got a third of the way through was distracted by Athena's anime eyes and slow pacing I am confident I won't have a choice in reading this eventually, might do The Illiad first though to be safe.

I read Metamorphosis in a single night in a feral stupor I just remembered Gregor trying to open a door with his mouth and started crying.

I have too many words and too many emotions and every time I remember another thing that got adapted into the Cantos I fucking lose it

[contradictoryenigmas]

2022 Postmortem: 10 Questions

Usually, I am on the ball when it comes to the 10 Questions piece for the past five years. It starts at the beginning of December when my mind starts to reflect on the past year and what I want to try and achieve for the upcoming year. For this year's piece, I didn't start this process until the week of Christmas.

I've been feeling like I have been pulled in all sorts of directions and not having any time to relax. Whether it be work, personal stuff, or the various crises the world seems to be in every day, it has made me not interested in doing anything outside of laying down or staring blankly at the wall. But that isn't to say there were moments of joy and hope, it just felt like they were few and far between.

I'm not going to say 2022 was the most difficult year in my life, but I would put it up there in my top five.

Author’s Note: If you are new to this or want to take a look back at previous pieces, you can click on the links here: 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, & 2021.

What made up your body of work this year? Which parts are you most proud of?

I would to like answer this with some sort of writing. Alas, 2022 was barren of writing. I have some car reviews sitting on top of my printer from back in the summer that are awaiting any sort of editing. Others are waiting to be written. I could list various excuses as to why I haven't. It boils down to me not having any sort of energy to put words onto something. Despite the desire to write anything, along with efforts to try; nothing has been really able to flow out.

When it comes to personal writing, a brick wall seemingly pops up when try to write. There's a piece on Twitter that I started earlier this month that is only a few sentences in as I ran out of steam. The only place where I feel like I can make some headway is with a personal journal I keep for myself. I wonder if some of it comes down to being afraid of how people may react to something I've written. Being out of the game for a bit, I could see this as a possible reason.

All of my body of work for this year was with my day job as a specification researcher, now known as a data specialist. The only item I can ultimately be proud of is lessening my workload before going on holiday break. The past few months have seen me get slammed with many new vehicles and feeling like I won't be able to get through all of it. My coworkers have been awesome at helping me out whenever they could. But I can say that after every workday, I felt both mentally and physically drained due to how much work needed to be done.

What were your top 5 moments of the year?

Getting back into the swing of reviewing new cars

Continuing to exercise on a somewhat regular basis

Working on some smaller projects

Cooking more at home

Slowly stepping away from Twitter as a crutch for human interaction

What are you really glad is over?

I feel like a broken record as my answer is the same as last year - the day job! Aside from an intensive workload from late summer to the end of the year, we lost a few people throughout the year - two left in the summer to pursue other positions, and another was let go before the holidays. We do have a couple more people going through training that will hopefully start within the next month, I am wondering how much more I can hold on during the next year.

How are you different today than you were 365 days ago?

Feeling like I am in a constant state of tiredness. I know work is a big reason for this, but other items in my life zap the energy right out of me. What makes this worse is that my sleeping patterns vary; some nights I'm able to sleep decently, while on others I am rolling around in my bed with no sign of entering deep sleep. I try to take naps, but I find it to be more successful during the weekends as my eyes haven't been blasted by bright screens during weekdays. The tiredness has also affected other parts of my life from wanting to try new things, to watching TV.

Another issue that has popped up recently is feeling very lonely. With the pandemic and working from home for the past couple of years, I've been feeling alone and wanting to be around people that I care about. I have friends, but most are out of state and I cannot travel to see them at the moment. Thankfully there are phone calls and Twitter (before Elon Musk started making a mess of it). I do find myself wishing that I had some people closer to me to hang out with. Getting myself to that point is difficult being that the pandemic has made me lose a lot of the social interaction skills I somewhat had.

On the upside, my mental health has been improving throughout the year, partly due to some new medication I started towards the end of last year. I'm not having as many depression episodes. When it does appear, I'm able to resolve it much faster. My ADHD is slightly better as I can focus on certain things, but there are others like aspects that throw wrenches into my day that I'm still working out.

Also been trying to read a bit more when I go to bed to try and help with my sleep. This is to help keep my eyes from looking at a tablet or even my Kindle which causes me to stay awake longer, even though I want to sleep. It has been hit and miss with the sleep, but I am happy to be reading regularly again.

Is there anything you achieved that you forgot to celebrate?

I almost forgot about this, but I was asked by a friend of mine about what they should do next. Their current job was driving them to burnout and wanted some perspective from someone who was in the same boat. I gave them my perspective and hoped that I was able to help them reach their final decision.

What have you changed your perspective on this year?

Twitter. Ever since Elon Musk bought the social network, it has become messy. Trying to list various changes, layoffs, and controversies would take up a fair amount in this piece. But I have started to use it less and less. I realized once again that I had been using Twitter as a replacement for actual human interaction. Twitter is nice if I want to make a stupid joke, catch up with someone quickly, or show off something. But spend too much time and it can become a bit too much with the feeling of FOMO.

I'm still on Twitter and will likely be there when it sinks (or something else). But it has moved away from something I check regularly - Mastadon and CoHost are serving that role.

Who are the people that came through for you this year?

Numerous people deserve a huge thank you. They include my coworkers at my day job, my therapist, folks on Weird Car Twitter and Mastadon, and some very close friends. All of them played a key role in keeping me from going completely crazy throughout this year.

What were some pieces of media that defined your year?

Zelda: Breath of the Wild

An honorable mention last year, it has now moved up to the main stage this year. I finished this back in February and was blown. I've never really played a Zelda game before - only playing a few minutes of A Link to the Past and Link Between Worlds. But something about Breath of the Wild made me sit down and play for around 90 hours. The story unfolds in a way that you find yourself wanting to explore and understand how the world got to this place. I wasn't so fond of the weapon degradation system because I may break it in the heat of battle, and hoping that I have something capable to replace it.

I am wanting to do another play-through next year to get ready for the sequel.

Car Mechanic Simulator 2021

Over 300 hours. That is what Steam says how much time I have spent playing Car Mechanic Simulator 2021. I can't fully explain what got me to start playing this simulator - don't really want to call it a game - aside from it being on sale on Stream back in the spring. It has been something to help me unwind after a long day of work. Just something about taking apart a vehicle, fixing the various issues, and putting it back together that feels oddly fulfilling.

What If 2 by Randall Monroe

If your book cites Smooth by Santana feat. Rob Thomas to describe the temperature of Earth, you have my instant respect. I loved the first What If book, and the second continues the trend of people asking absurd questions and Monroe (creator of the fantastic XKCD cartoon) putting in the research and work to answer them. I actually started re-reading this book again towards the end of the year because I laughed so much.

God Gets A Little Busy Sometimes by Izo FitzRoy

I have a small playlist of songs that I tend to play whenever I'm in a depressive state to remind myself that it will get better in due course. The latest addition came from Izo FitzRoy in December. I can't fully explain how this song helps me out when I'm in a depressive mood, but I think the gospel undertones play a role.

Honorable Mentions: The Beatles - Get Back documentary; iPhone 14; Gran Turismo 7 for Playstation 4; modding a new Nintendo 3DS XL; Jazz FM in the U.K.; Linux Mint on a HP laptop; Mario+Rabbids - Kingdom Battle; Paramount Plus; Your Brain's Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD by Tamara Rosier Ph.D.

What will you be leaving behind in 2022?

The answer is the same as 2021: "I don’t know if there is anything I am leaving behind at the end of this year. Feels like I am making plans on things that I’ll be leaving next year." Hopefully, 2023 doesn't throw as many issues into this as 2022.

What do you hope to accomplish in 2023?

There are several things that I want to try and work on in the coming year. How many I can work on depends on a big elephant in the room; the day job. I'll split this up into two categories; projects I will be working on throughout the year, and projects dependent on the elephant.

Projects throughout the year:

Various electronic projects: I did some small stuff this year with various electronics such as modding a New 3DS XL to allow backs and slowly upgrading my work laptop to have a spare machine. There are some projects on the block including an iPod Classic upgrade to use a jukebox in my car and fixing up an old Dell XPS gaming computer to play older Windows games.

Clear up the auto review backlog: Having various vehicles from back in the spring needing to be written up has been nagging me throughout this year. Want to get those done and up somewhere. It would remove a big weight and allow me to start asking for media vehicles. I instituted a new rule a few years back that I cannot ask for any media vehicles until the backlog is fully completed. On one hand, this keeps me honest and not overwhelming me with more work. The downside is having a backlog that I don't touch for months.

Figure out a better way to get reviews out the door faster: Once the backlog is done, I want to figure out ways to help me get reviews out in a more timely fashion. Remembering to take notes is a difficult one, along with trying to block out some time every week to organize and start putting down thoughts.

Continue to make my apartment my own: Aside from getting various posters framed and hung, I need to work on better organizing parts of the apartment. Currently just feels like I don't have enough space and have items stacked in piles. I would love to have a bigger apartment or storage unit where I can throw various items, but that feels so far away at the moment. For now, going to make the best of what I can do.

Money Stuff: This year has been tough on my finances and I know that I can do better. Some items I have started to implement are cooking more at home, using a vacuum sealer to keep food longer, and using apps for coupons and cash back. For the new year, I'm planning to get back on an application I used before - Simplifi - to track where money is going and help me figure out where I can cut back. Also in the cards is setting up some automatic transfers to start stashing money away for items and trips I would like to do.

Projects dependent on the elephant:

Getting back to writing on a somewhat regular basis: I mentioned earlier that I really miss writing and want to get back to it. But not having the energy does put a major damper on it. For the automotive stuff, I would like to branch out and work on the history of various cars. I have a stockpile of old magazines, books, and an insatiable curiosity to explore. Now, I just need to get the energy to pull this off. Also been thinking of starting a newsletter to post various thoughts, but I don't where to even start with that.

The personal stuff is another area I want to try and tackle. Part of this is moving from Tumblr, which has been a good home for the life of the blog. But I feel having a new place to post would help increase my desire to write.

Traveling: I cannot remember the last time I went somewhere that wasn't with my parents or in the state of Michigan. I have the desire to explore and visit various parts of the U.S., along with the rest of the world. Money is a big factor in this, along with figuring out where I want to travel first.

Working towards a new car: My current Ford Fusion has a litany of issues and it causes me a fair amount of stress. Having something newer and fewer miles would help immensely.

As I sit in my old room on Christmas day working on this piece, I think how I'm at a set of crossroads wondering which road to take. 2022 has been a year where I had originally planned to make some big moves, but various monkey wrenches have put a stop to many of them. The end of the year has me feeling wanting to break out and do some new stuff. But there is another part of me that wants to take it easy and be at a place where I feel comfortable with everything around me. Seems counterintuitive, but I think it is fitting for a blog with the title of Contradictory Enigmas.

[sunnyie-eve]

Celebrity Crush || Premiere

Paring: Joseph Quinn x Original female costar

Word Count: 2908

Summary: It's Premiere day for Stranger Things Season 4

Warnings: slight language, mention of a losing love one, cute interactions

A/N: For this I'll be using my OFC in Trouble in Hawkins for this OFC to play her.

Next: Interviews Day 1

"Can you at least pretend to be happy?" One of my team members eyes me as I look out the window. "Pretend to be happy? My grandmother just passed away yesterday and y'all said I have to be apart of the premiere..." I turn my head to look at him annoyed.  "I'll pretend to be happy when I get out of this vehicle in front of cameras. Don't worry, I can pull it off since I act for a living." I tell him as we get closer to the event. "Don't have to be a bitch about it." He huffs going through his phone. "Try having sympathy for others then I wouldn't be such a bitch." I give him a sweet smile as we pull up. "Action." He says before my door opens and I put on a smile getting out of the vehicle.

As I get out fans start to shout making me laugh as I'm escorted where to go. I stop and signs some posters and take pictures as I make my way through. "I love the butterflies on your dress Presley." A fan says as I sign her poser. "Thank you. My grandma loved them. She passed away yesterday so I wanted to dress for her." I smile then take a photo with her. "Presley, a gift." A fan puts her hand out holding a beaded bracelet so I take it putting it on. "Thank you, it's my favorite colors." I smile as I continue the way to interviews.

"How do you feel about season four finally being here?" A woman asks me. "Excited. I really love this season and I know the fans are gonna love it too. There was a lot of work put into this season." I tell her. "How is Skylar this season?" She gives me a smile. "She's going through it but hides it from the others. One thing you will see is Dustin still acts like he's the older sibling bossing her around." I laugh. "How is it working with the new cast members?" She asks as Joseph walks by placing his hand on my upper back. "Darling." He gives me a smile as he was gonna keep walking but I stop him for a second. "Working with new cast members, like the Joe here is great. New people are always fun because work changes for the better. It's never boring cause we all play around and make some memories. It's like one big family." I answer with a smile. "They do make you feel at home." Joseph says making me agree.

When she starts to ask him questions I leave and see Gaten getting interviewed so I go up from behind him. "My little man." I wrap my arms around his shoulders. "To answer that question, yes. Working with the older cast members is like having many older siblings. Especially Presley, she basically my sister off and on screen." He says leaning back into me. "He's just a lovable person." I squeeze him in my arms. "And she's the sweetest person." He turns around giving me a hug before I leave him. I walk some more and get stopped for a TikTok interview. "What can we expect from this season?" The guy asks me. "A roller coaster of emotions. Expect to laugh, cry, being scared, confused, and shocked. You'll experience it all." I laugh listing off my fingers. "Now I have to ask because in the trailer there's a part that kinda looks like Sky and Steve aren't close. What happened?" He asks making me nod my head slowly, "Yeah, somethings happened and you're gonna have to wait and see." I smile since I couldn't say much about that.

"Wait and see what?" Joe comes up from behind me. "Sky and Steve." I look back at him. "Oh, yeah... Gotta wait and see." He nods his head. "Give us something?" He asks us. "It's all Steve's fault. That's what I'll say." I tell him as Joe walks off. "Last question, what is your for you page like?" He asks making me laugh. "Believe it or not... There are some POV edits that pop up. Umm 80's rock edits, Stranger Things, Movie franchises I love, BTS, comedy. No dances because I stay clear of that side of TikTok. Also I'm on the fruity side." I answer truthfully. "Really no dances?" He asks shocked. "Sometimes but it's funny ones. Then there's Noah and Caleb." I laugh. "Thank you for taking time with us." He tells me. "Of course, thank you."

"Who would you rather have plan your Spring Break itinerary? Dustin or Joyce?" The next person I go to asks. "Dustin. As much as I love Joyce, Dustin is fun and organized so I trust him." I laugh. "Be stuck on house arrest with: Murray or Argyle?" She asks. "Argyle, because Murray would lose his mind." I shake my head thinking about it. "Taking the buzzer beater shot to win the championship: Lucas or Eleven?" She asks making me laugh. "Lucas. Even if El had her powers, she doesn't know how to play the game." I give my answer. "Who would you rather have join your hellfire club party as an emergency replacement: Nancy or Max?" I think it over, "Can I say neither? They don't know how the game works but I guess if I had to pick it would be Max. I think she would pick it up quicker than Nance." I go with it.

"Who would you rather trust to make your ransom payment? Jonathan or Robin?" She asks and I don't take a second, "Robin. My baby is more responsible than Jonathan." I laugh. "Makes the playlist to pull you out of a trance: Dustin or Eddie?" She asks causing me to clap hands, "Eddie, 100% because what he listens to is stuff I listen to." I nod my head. "Have your investigative journalism partner: Will or Erica?" She asks. "Erica will get the job done. She will get everything we need and more." I answer. "Who would you rather have as your wingman? Steve or Robin?" She asks. "Robin because Steve isn't always the best. Especially on what to say." I laugh. "Spending the summer working at Scoops Ahoy with? Mike or Hopper?" I huff, "Again neither... They wouldn't do their job. But I'll have to go with Mike because Hopper would be so mad and terrible to work with." I say and it was the last one so I move on.

"You look beautiful." Maya gives me a hug. "Thank you, so do you." I hug her back. "I can't believe they made you come. You should be home." She whispers as we stay in our hug. "Stop, you're gonna make me cry." I pull back with a smile. "I heard the news." Sadie come over giving me a hug. "Thank you." I keep my smile on my face since the cameras were pointed at us. As more of the cast join us we all get together to take one big group photo a few times. "Sorry, about your lost." David leans down behind me patting my back. "Thank you." I smile back at him causing Natalia to put arm her arm around my waist so I do the same with her as I turn back around smiling for the cameras.

"Presley, over here." I head a man shouting. "Presley, over here!" A woman now yells so I just look around everywhere smiling. "You have a part of Natalia's dress in your hair." Joe laughs messing with my hair. "How?" She messing with her dress to see if parts come off. "Oh my god." She laughs as it slightly does. As more people join for the picture some of us move around. I look back to see who was all behind me and Joseph was right behind me so he gives me a smile. "Your top button is undone." I let him know so he fixes it. "When did that happen?" He laughs at himself. "It was fine before more joined us." I let him know. "Have you been looking back at me?" He smiles making me laugh. "I like to observe my surroundings." I turn back around. "I like your dress. It's very you." He leans down to tell me so I turn back to look at him having to lean back some because how close he was. "Thank you. My grandma loved butterflies and the red is to match the vibe of the show." I look down messing with my dress. "You look very beautiful." He whispers as I turn back around starting to smile and blush a bit.

We all continue to take photos and smaller groups and by ourselves too. "Pres, come here." Sadie waves for me to go over to her so we could take pictures together. "I need my big sister." She smiles wrapping her arms around me. I was close with a lot of cast members I worked with but I was very very good friends with her, Maya, Gaten, Joe, Dacre and now Joseph too. "Hold onto my back." I bend down and she gets on it so we take pictures that way too laughing up a storm. "I didn't ruin the dress right?" She looks at my back. "Thank god. She places her hand on her chest. I give her a big hug before we take pictures with others.

Maya, Natalia and I group up for photos being the older girls of the show before Gaten is shouting my name. I look over at him with Joseph so I go join them. I stand between the two putting my arms up posing with a big smile as they put an arm around my waist. "Lean on my back a step up." Joseph tells me so I do and Gaten gets in front of him lower so we all make a funny face and take a few different fun photos together. "Keery!" I shout for him to join us since then it would be me with my character's boys. We all pick up Gaten holding him in our arms for a picture. While Joseph and Gaten take pictures together, I take some with Joe. "Look what I kept." He pulls out what he took out of my hair earlier using it as a mustache making me laugh. "Dude, your tie is loose from us picking Gaten up." I fix his tie for him as photographers take photos of us. "Thank you." He gives me a smile before we take a few more photos.

I go over to Joseph and pull him over to me to take some photos together too. "Don't be shy." I give him a smile as I place a hand on his chest smiling for the cameras. "You know how I am." He smiles for the pictures. "You're doing great by the way." He says as we change poses. "Huh?" I give him a confused look. "Acting like you're fine. I know you aren't deep down." He whispers. "Well my job is acting." I sigh as we finish taking photos walking away. "How long are you staying for the after party?" He asks as we walk side by side. "I don't know but not too long. Because... you know why." I try to explain to him as I stop walking. "Understandable. I don't think I'm gonna stay long either. Especially when someone who talks to me the most won't be there." He smiles down at me as we get in line for our little interviews on stage.

Joseph went before me and I was going before Joe, "Being one of the best big sister in Hawkins not only to Dustin but the whole party, Presley Monroe who plays Skylar Henderson." I'm introduces before I walk out over to the two. "Hello, hello. It's been like ten years right?" I laugh taking my spot. "Yes, yes. We are so excited to catch up with Skylar in season four, who now happens to be dating her best friend Steve Harrington. What can you tell us about her story this season?" The lady asks me. "I can hint at there is some relationship troubles between Sky and Steve. A close friendship with a certain long hair metal head who plays D&D..." I pause for a second for gasps reactions. "And she's going through a tough time but hides it not wanting to bother the others."

"I think it's safe to say because in the trailer there's a clip of your nose bleeding and Steve saying; You are literally a wild card, I'm not taking any chances. Should we be worried about what's coming for Sky?" He asks me. "I will answer just how Skylar would say... There are bigger things to worry about and need to be focused on." I tell them. "As you hinted about a certain long hair metal head who plays D&D... Can you tease us more on that? How do these two characters come together?" The lady asks with a big smile. "Other than Dustin joining the Hellfire club, I was told that Skylar and Eddie already had a very small friendship background. Which you will get to see conversations about them talking about past stuff that exist in the world of Stranger Things but never seen on the show. But the way they get really close is because when she needs someone and he's there and is determined to help her out." I keep it short.

"What kind of friendship is it though? Like any in the past? If you get what I mean? Especially with Sky and Steve having some problems." She gives me a look. "I see what you're trying to do, nice try." I laugh pointing at her. "It's a close playful friendship... and that's all you're getting out of me." I tell them. "Okay, rapid fire questions now... Would you rather eat Surfer Boys Pizza or Egos?" The guy asks. "Pizza because I love it but no Pineapples on mine cause I don't care for them at all. I know, don't hate me now please." I laugh begging the fans. "Where would you rather work? Scoops Ahoy or Family Video?" The lady asks now. "Family Video. I get to pick a movie to watch while I work and not have to wear a specific uniform." I say making them laugh.

"Who has the better hair? Steve Harrington or Eddie Munson?" I'm asked. "Oh, no... Listen, I love Steve's hair... It's got the volume, it's soft, it's taken care of, and easy to run your fingers through." Some fans start to cheer as I bite my bottom lip smiling, "But for me... there's something about long crazy wild hair. It's very attractive to me so I'm going with Eddie. I just love that wig and I love love love it on Joseph." I laugh at myself as fans cheer again. "Last one, who would you rather fight? Mind Flayer or Vecna?" She asks me. "Mind Flayer. Less scary to me... Jamie purposely scared me on set one day and umm it was not a fun. I ran into my trailer needing to go pee and he was on the other side of the door fully made up as Vecna. Let's just say I no longer needed to use the toilet anymore."

"That's just so cruel but I hope you enjoy tonight. Give it up for Presley Monroe." They tell me. "Thank you and all of y'all for coming." I wave leaving the room and go over by Joseph, who was shaking his head laughing at me, "That hair part." He couldn't stop laughing. "I kept it clean. I could have said more to tug on." I laugh at myself. "You're terrible." I nod my head. "You really like that wig on me, huh?" He chuckles. "Yeah, but I also love your natural hair. I love your little curls right now." I smile looking at his hair. Later for the after party I laugh as the cast dances on stage especially Joseph and Gaten going around the stage. "I blow kisses. Mwah." Joseph joins me as he said a lyric from Fergalicious making laugh. "You gonna join the fun or just stand alone till you leave?" He grabs my hands moving them to the music. "I'm just ready to leave." I let him know. "I'll let you leave when you have fun to at least three to five songs." He tells me.

All the time I turn around brothas gather 'round Always looking at me up and down looking at my (uh) I just wanna say it now I ain't tryin' to round up drama, little mama I don't wanna take your man And I know I'm comin' off just a little bit conceited And I keep on repeating how the boys wanna eat it But I'm tryin' to tell that I can't be treated like clientele 'Cause they say she delicious (so delicious)

I sing to the song making him laugh at me as I start to dance to the song. "Good girl." We start to have fun dancing to songs and cheering on the other cast members. "I'm gonna get going now." I let him know after a few more hours. "I hope you get some time to get through things. If you need someone to talk to I'm here." He says as I he walks me to the back ways. "Thank you, Joseph." I give him a hug. "Of course, darling."

[cherrykindness]

let's make babies |

pairing: Harry Styles x Actress!Reader

summary: you and harry are doing a live on instagram, you've drunk a lot of wine and now the world knows that the future Mrs. Styles is ready to make babies.

warnings: mostly cute, but the title tells you what you need to know 🤪

"What is your favorite song from the Fine Line album?" Y/N read aloud, twirling in her right hand the second glass of wine of the evening, the one already halfway through. "Adore You and Watermelon Sugar, of course."

Harry giggled, rolling his eyes upon hearing his fiancée's statement.

"Y/N will always choose Adore You because it was obviously written for her." He accused. "She wouldn't give that answer under different circumstances."

The comments climbed up the screen continuously, most fans gushing about how cute Harry Styles and YN/LN could be while the other part was concerned with wringing even more information out of the slightly inebriated couple who had decided to do a surprise live one early Sunday morning.

As expected after being away for some time to begin filming Don't Worry, Darling in Southern California, Harry enjoyed a lazy weekend in the house he shared with his fiancée and her pets. The days were filled with late naps and relentless Netflix marathons, sublime and ethereal evenings, marked mostly by unexpected declarations and rounds of sex that used to last until the beams of light were shyly coming through the linen curtains. They were not a monotonous couple, so this order could easily be changed.

"Watermelon Sugar is nothing more than about my love for watermelons, don't get too creative." Harry replied to a fan while sporting a corner smile, the message standing out among the rest for its dozens of emojis and large print, questioning the singer about erotic content behind the lyrics of his latest hit. "I really don't know what you guys are talking about."

Y/N laughed, shaking her head before leaning it against her fiancé's chest, propped up on the soft white pillows that were spread practically all over the bed. The air conditioner was on at a minimal temperature and a light rain whipped on the panes of glass camouflaged by the cream-colored curtain, that being the projection of Y/N's favorite nights.

"You can tell them, I'm not shy." She joked, nudging her fiancé's waist.

"You know what it was written about and who it was written for." Harry replied, raising one of his eyebrows. "That's what matters."

It went without saying that much of Harry's newest album, as well as some of his earlier work, had been done in exclusive dedication to his future wife. Y/N had been the muse for a vast repertoire of romantic songs, and even though the singer preferred to keep the story behind his more explicit compositions a "secret", the relationship the two had shared for more than three years was already solid and known enough for the media and fans to distinguish hidden messages in small details.

"It's a song about what usually comes before the act of making babies." Y/N laughed as he pointed at the display. "Honestly, you guys are impossible."

"No, we make babies every day." Harry joked, making a funny motion with his eyebrows. "I would spend my entire career writing just about that."

"Harry!" The actress exclaimed incredulously, slapping her fiancé weakly on the chest. "Children might be watching this."

"You don't want to have babies with me?" He asked falsely offended, accepting the cup that Y/N offered him. "Because I want some babies with you."

Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes as she watched the internet freak out at the dialogue that had suddenly emerged. Since the beginning of the quarantine, it was kind of inevitable that the couple of artists would not become the darlings of all social media; they were fervently active with photos, videos, and lives that depicted step by step daily life in isolation, gaining more and more followers and making the media more and more fascinated by the relationship they both shared.

The wedding was scheduled for the summer of next year and it was perhaps the most anticipated event in the tabloids. Bets about what the model of Y/N's dress would be and lists presuming who would be selected for the short list of guests stood out among countless news stories about the famous people influencing pop culture today.

The possible arrival of a Styles baby was an inevitable topic in interviews. Harry and Niall were the only members of the ex-boyband that had not become fathers yet, and because they had maintained a solid relationship and were seen as one of the most enviable couples during the last four years, Y/N and Harry had gotten used to all this openly asked questions. They didn't mind, they even had fun with the montages and all the anxiety that dominated the whole internet, often mentioning the fandoms' efforts to represent them as such "cool" parents in perfectly edited pictures.

"No, guys, I'm not pregnant." Y/N amusingly clarified the doubt of dozens of new comments. "Please don't believe so many controversial news stories that appear out there. I was on twitter last week and saw several people theorizing about a possible pregnancy, most of the arguments based on a website that used photos from the set of How to Get Away with Murder in the season where I was actually playing a pregnant woman as Laurel." She laughed. "It's so funny! I know you guys love to guess these things, but we won't hide something so special when it actually happen, I promise."

"Especially because Y/N can hide absolutely nothing from anyone." Harry accused, leaving his drink on the corner table before settling into a comfortable position for the two of them. "Anyone who's a Marvel fan knows that. That's one of her most characteristic quirks."

"They gave me a fake script for the last two movies." Y/N agreed, shaking his head. "For me and Tom."

"We agreed to keep the engagement a secret for a while. The plan was to travel to Holmes Chapel to break the news to my family in person, but guess who got a call at ten o'clock at night from an angry Anne because she learned of her son's engagement from an interview Y/N gave the next day?"

Y/N gave a guilty smile, winking gracefully at the camera. "It was all James' fault! I'm sure he already suspected something, those questions were very suspicious."

"Of course the questions were suspicious, babe. You literally said you had a secret that involved both of us but that you couldn't tell because it was important that our families knew first."

"I thought he would think about a pregnancy or something!" The actress defended herself, feeling very convincing in her intonation bordering on obviousness. "That's a mania I can't get rid of, it's in my genes."

"Did you all hear that? Further proof that you guys don't have to worry about guessing when Y/N's pregnancy will be, I'm sure our baby will make sure to tell you everything while still in the womb, mom's genes will make sure of that."

"You are so funny, Harry Styles." Y/N sarcastically stated, holding back a giggle as countless messages with laughing emojis were frantically up. "Yeah, I know I talk a lot and all, but you have annoying quirks too."

It was obvious that live would be news the next day. Although they were completely open about matters concerning their relationship, nothing seemed better than receiving so much exclusive information from a Harry and S/N drunk on expensive wine.

"You wake up in a bad mood and you're dangerously sexy, that should be illegal."

Harry laughed, holding his fiancée's waist a little tighter as he felt her tumble a little further to the side, getting closer and closer to the edge of the bed. Y/N was dangerously weak for drinks, and the singer knew that the actress' body was already near its limit.

"You're the only sexy person here, love." He declared with a corner smile, evidently finding the whole situation funny. "Do you want to go to sleep now?"

"No." Y/N shook her head. "Can we watch some movie? Can we watch Sweet Home?"

"Of course, love." He murmured, giving the woman a quick kiss on the forehead.

Even though Harry knew that his fiancée was unlikely to make it past the five-minute mark of the episode, he made sure to restart the korean series at exactly the scene where she had stopped, the first chapter still halfway through after Y/N realized that it would be impossible to watch such a macabre work without a drop of alcohol in her blood.

She had been so excited by the taste of Argentinian wine and the idea of updating her fans after a few weeks away, that she had forgotten the main purpose of the live. Harry and Y/N had been apart for a few days due to the new movie the Brit was shooting in North America, all happening in an unrestrictedly careful manner due to the restrictions caused by the pandemic.

He was slowly migrating towards acting and the future Mrs. Styles couldn't be prouder. Y/N had felt on cloud nine when Harry had given her the news of his upcoming job, but her only pronouncement on the subject had been a succinct post on instagram. Just a photo of the couple on a trip to Germany with a simple heart emoji didn't seem enough for the actress' exhibitionist soul, and coming to that conclusion was the main reason she decided to invite him, already relatively changed, for a live appearance. Y/N wanted to go on and on about how much she loved that man and work on that whole honeyed speech that would bring her (once again) the title of "cutest bride of all time," but of course Harry had to come home from his trip with his favorite red wine and poison her with those sweet caresses that took her out of orbit, turning the degree of alcohol content into the least of her problems.

"You're going to kiss Florence." Y/N exclaimed suddenly, as if only now realizing that her fiancé would share the screen with Florence Pugh, one of her closest friends in that industry. "Kiss on the mouth."

The MacBook was still open and hundreds of new comments were going up every second, but Harry didn't bother one bit to warn her about the possibility of her becoming a meme the next day. He was having too much fun with the situation to worry.

"Are you jealous?"

"Yes." She stated with a pout. "I am jealous, I just don't know if I'm more jealous of her or of you."

"But you kiss me every day, babe." Harry laughed. "And you've been kissing other people's men for almost ten years." He joked.

"But I only think about you, I already told you that."

Harry shook his head negatively at the camera, knowing he was sharing with the fans the funniest side of his fiancée.

"I know that, honey." He assured, lightly stroking the actress' back. "I think we'd better turn off the TV and go to sleep now, I'm sure you'll have a terrible headache tomorrow."

The brit planned to bid his audience goodbye and put an end to that recording, but Y/N was drunk and her sense of right and wrong had already gone to space. Harry should have been quicker, however, because his fiancée's speech would be cause for new tags and the only subject for the interviewers for at least the next few months.

"I don't want to sleep, how about we make babies?"

That's what Watermelon Sugar was all about, after all.

[captainkurosolaire]

~ Mass Update ~

Mainly going into future plans and intents alongside ideas below cut.

Ton's of things I've in store this will prove difficult to vent it all out. But here we go... First off rehashing and appropriately learning to tag and organize things better on my blog. Each category will have their own corresponding content, I seek to bring or share. [Tales of Goldbrand] -- I intend this to carry a Compendium of all my writes soon that'll have everything neatly in-order including a glossary, so it'll have highlights of stories that even matter or the best stuff. I've written here for a very, long time, there's been many shifts. I want to make it more accessible. While coloring what matters for people who want to learn Captain or his Crew with less chapters. While also giving choice to find it all easily. This is essentially a step-above master-lists. I'll be doing that after the Saga I have going on, right now is done. [Captain] -- Will provide you strictly with Captain screenshots, gifs, photo-sets. This is still his blog despite the Crew thing's will sort of make this a scuffed Multi-Muse blog. I've few more things to edit and tag fix to get all his stuff though. [The Wild Crew] -- Afterwards this story is done Immortal Age Saga, It's something that I mainly wrote as a passion project within three days to get my warm-up process fixed. It's to allow me to get a feel for all his Crewmates and casts, in combat, in-general, to feel their presences. While also giving a bit of their backstories. At any point, I can go back and polish or tweak things in. They're NPC's but... not entirely. All will have their own 'Dreams' and their own 'Disapproval's' they have their own missions even. These things will factor eventually, they might set seeds, to betray or disagree with something, but that's all angst and more stories to be created, but overall, they'll probably always be Crew, eventually. -- I plan on making character-profile sheets of them and putting them in this Tab, it'll have their screenshots, their likes/dislikes. Some RP partners or people can also be shipped with them, but they'll all be monogamous and originally start off probably Pan. This allows them to figure out what they like on their own stories. I've always been someone who likes organic-flow. Although this one story contain all 16 characters or more, the rest will probably be shortened to a Squad of 4 and dispersed when on adventuring missions. Until I do a War Arc, that's my main goal to build too. [Roster] -- Will contain this Crew in just screen-sets dedicated to them, I'll probably randomly produce those. I've PC players among this Crew too. I may not be done either adding more, but this Crew is mainly built around Quality. Most pirate crew's mainly, have hundreds, thousands. Even Fleets. This Crew has personalities, monsters, people who are living life's that exist with piracy. He's an particular leader that had PC players the same way, he's had split-personality serial killers aboard, tribal chieftains, succubus, all sorts of various people once on a Crew. It's often an outcast style, pirates default are chaotic in nature, so this really isn't any different, it's a Fantasy version of it. There's humanization characters aboard too though, so this cast is really decked, everything and person is vital, they matter because they remind or covet something that others can draw upon. If ever played (Three Houses or Mass Effect / Dragon Age Origins) A lot of things like that are relatable too this structure and format. Which, Is something I want to be able to give when RPing. I want a genuine feel of this new world someone else's muse will be the main-character too. Depending on what's interacting everything they'll be scale appropriately to follow the genre they're in and environment even. [Aesthetics] -- Already explainable what you'll find here. [Asks] -- Same thing. [Prompts] -- Trivial things I was tagged too, I plan on compiling later. [Writing] -- Another alternatively to randomly go-down and it works right now. [Logs] -- Will have more individualistic master-lists and posts there, my poems from Sheik Sphere the Bard, etc.

Things of that nature, I'll probably add still. It's where a lot of my creative writing is summed. [Gems of Hydaelyn] -- My main #tag for other characters and artists, creationist. Lot of amazing people easily to find their zones or follow them optionally if you like. Ton's I intend to support and bolster, be a lot less unspoken. I'm never the type who's been strictly inclusive. But I'll do that when I've time to even explore the dash, I'm always still planning ahead with things and projects. [CKS] My original character-sheet it's outdated on something's but not too terrible. I'll give him polishing someday, I swear? [21+F-List] -- Just purely degenerate stuff of Captain. I'm a pirate blog. I will represent that with openness and furthermore. I'm never projecting you some false-image. I started off a smut-writer by stripping that, I no-longer represent the same aura and identity. But those are strictly his stuff and kinks, I'm effective in executing them but they're not all relatable to me OOC. This blog will always be 18+ containing crude or dark material sometimes, romantic things, this Captain is blunt, will literally put his cock on the table in conversations. Swearing and being censored would be too uncommon and displace most of him, but there's more about him then all this. [Other] -- I pay homage to a lot of characters, I originally am a Concept Designer. Which mean's I make characters and ideas like my addiction. Bad characters / villains or other little things I like to share in designs, I'll put there. Some villains might get little photo-sets, even if they died. Just cause I like their design, or maybe I'll give them an AU, where they won. When I've wrapped up things. [Collabs + Ships] -- Is a new project idea. This isn't going to be something limited too romantic only ships. It'll contain, platonic, romantic, friendships, rivals, frenemies, family, PC Crew, all ships. I am desperately working on improving my gif, screenshot, posing game so I can supply 'Screen Stories' this is not only a way to RP that's accessible with even people who are upon time-crunches from work, It gives visual-representation. To impactful stories shared with others and establish bonds. That are all-valid and impactful matter. Lot of people take a lot of their characters attributes into them and are them dialed up, I work with that and bit more, differently. I'm disconnected from my characters and they'll get hurt and injured and killed by me, that's my duty as their Author to give them conflicts and struggles. I'm their major antagonist, but that doesn't mean at-all, it's always SET that way. The characters I like to make have their own life, they live in this setting and are abide by it, they're often nothing, nobodies, and by the interacting with others, they slowly gradually building, more... Through emotional impacts, they alter, these are REAL people by all their beliefs. Each person they come in-contact with are legitimate and treated like that too. They've always impacted or given them insights to grow, or represent more. Otherwise it'd be criminally disrespectful if I allowed any emotional I felt OOC be the grudge to something IC. Captain in-particular is set on defying me. I cannot have that. ...But I can't stop him. He's met and encountered so many people and lived so many scenarios based on the actions of others, he's giving a chance right now to actually do things a lot further than impossible. The more people he meets and encounters, experiences, the more I lose. These stories are emotionally interactive where everything is a factor and adds to the dice, where the other people are the one who get to roll the dice for him, not me. That's something I want to color in. People range in emotions, they have their down's, ups, their own wholesome-grounding people, spending time with your favorite people, there's nothing more cherishing than that, being in your own comfort-zone or 'safe-space' these are all treasures that we live under, today. Contrary if what people assume of me, I'm not another 'blogger' that's came

before, who's wanting to force a harem, then constantly is bewildered when that falls to pieces cause of selfishness or a lack of communication, or the skeletons they have in their closets and beliefs they hid behind and swindled fooled everyone. I'm not looking to be popular or anything really, I just create stories and want to share in those, and I want to also boost others included, upward with me, especially those who make me. There's no ego in anything I do, this is purely love. I've never cared about being replicated or duplicated, I've had stalkers, I've gone through more then anyone would imagine, I've been used OOC and abused, just for my writing and cold-harshly told, i'd never amount to anything other then that or vice-versa. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Passion. That's all I got and am anymore. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Passion is the hardest thing to keep. It's something that can be stolen, quite effortlessly. Few words of discouragement, a bad negative representation, a lack of confidence, or small amount of time, there's many thing's that can put that flame out. Once you lose it. The difficulty to reattain is hundred-times harder than climbing any mountain for real. I've watched the greatest creators crumble from under the pressure, from beaten down by others. I watched many of them do it to themselves because they put a grand vision of needing validation of another and once lost, felt uncompelling to press onward. But passion also can be given BACK and drawn. It can be shown and encourage others, with a soft-triggering, that pushes them. That motivates, that constantly sticks to it. There are many that fuel me. If I ever quit, I let them down, I spit in the faces of people who're better than me in every-way. Or people who've came and given me their precious Time. That have given their character's or dedication to the abundant stories and community-driven things I've done. There's ONLY things you can do, create, give and provide. It cannot ever come to life without YOU. This is a fact. ...I swear, If you let your creativity soar, you'll be amazed by the heights you get. Constantly polish and learn and hone the best you, challenge yourself day after painstaking day, to draw better improvement on something, no matter how trivial or unfamiliar you are. You'll find a confidence only you can give yourself. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Future Plans --------------------------------------------------------------------- For me, I've got so much more stories to give and also explore, I might be taking up soon some other artists and more skilled people from community and hire them for some of my future writes, to up my game or cause something thing's can't be done in-game cause no background carries it. I also got a lot of-set up things and more angst stuff I want to practice, plus I'm adamantly on that grind to produce screen-sets with the intent's to some sort of improving daily. Additionally more people I'll be reaching out too soon for these collab's ideas and things. I look forward to shaking your hands, giving some hugs, show you my respect and admiration, then creating some enchanting stories and giving plots light. Feel free to reach out to me, I get scattered-brain but I'm working on getting better about it. Eventually will get to you though, my goals, if uninterested just say so when I poke, no bites, unless you kinky. Anyways, cheers hearties.

[knockknockchicagopd]

❛ A FUTURE COP ❜

❚❙ REQUEST BY ANON: hi i hope ur having the greatest week on the planet , can i request where reader is younger than hank and she tells him shes pregnant and telling him with some fluff

❚❙ HANK VOIGHT MASTERLIST.

❚❙ WORDS: about 2k.

❚❙ A/N: this writing hasn’t been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I’m sorry about that. If you find a description about body or a word out of place, or something that it makes you feel uncomfortable / unrepresented, let me know by a private message and I will change it delighted.

❚❙ GIF credits: to my amazing @sonsofeorl.

❚❙ Tag list: @melblacc @rebelwrites @skyofficialxx @sesamepancakes @scarletsoldierrr @mondefantastique @that-chick212 @enbyamaro @inlovewith3 @ocetevasgirl @sophie-writes @destynelseclipsa @jadakiss13. If you want to be added to my tag list, send me a message.

You have lost the count of how many minutes you've been sitting in the locker room, in silence. Your head is loud enough right now. Hank has left the police station already, and you're waiting the time accorded before doing the same and driving your way to his house. Almost one year and you keep staying there ten minutes more than him, to not make anyone suspect about your relationship. But you aren't sure if you're ready to go.

The fear of losing Hank for what you have to tell him is consuming you, like a big fire reducing your bones to ashes. It's painful, for describing it somehow. The pressure within your chest is going to kill you, suddenly breaking into an anguish crying, resting your back against the wall and curling your legs to your torso. The two of you haven't talked about starting a family. The loss of Justin still being an open wound, bleeding a little bit every day. How are you supposed to tell him that you're pregnant?

“(Y/N)?”

Antonio's voice races your heart, peeking his head out through the lockers. He sounds worried. He looks worried, walking slowly towards you without profering any sharp move. Kneeling next to you, not sure about what he can do, the detective holds your hand to caress the back of them with his thumb; thinking that this gesture can help you to relax. But the sob continues stuck in your throat and the tears roam your cheek like a torrential and furious racing river.

Sitting down by your side, Antonio places an arm over your shoulders, urging you to rest your head on his. He doesn't know what to say. And even if he wanted to say something, his vocal cords fail when your phone dings with a notification and he sees the screen illuminating over the floor. Hank. “Voight?” He thinks raising up an eyebrow, in a mix of curiosity and confusion.

“Where are you? Something jumped off?”

Grabbing your phone and blocking it to keep it inside your pocket, you turn at the man. Your lips are trembling. You're not sure if you can talk, but you need to rip it off from your chest. You don't want to lose Hank, at this point, not even your work matters.

“Ant—Antonio… I am… pregnant”.

Shaking his head slightly, his eyes widened surprised. His forefinger points at the floor for a moment, to the position of your phone a second ago, asking without words if Hank is the father. You nod pressing your lips. He's in shock. You can see in his eyes, trying to find the correct sentence to say. Congratulations? Are you kidding me? Voight, seriously?

“We… started to date… a year and a half ago and… hm… made it official almost a ye—year ago”.

“Who knows it?”

“Only you. No one else. And I'm terrified, be—because… I was there when he lost Justin and… shit, we've always taken all the care, but… this happened”. Biting your bottom lip, as the tears keep filling up your eyes, you try to not cry anymore. “I don't know… how to tell him. I don't know if he wants this. I don't want to lose him, Antonio”.

“Hey, listen now. You're not gonna lose him, okay?” Turning his body at you and adopting your same position, he hits your shoulder briefly with his fist. “I've an idea. Write him and tell him that you're on your way and meet me in the hall”.

Nodding, he shows you a soft smile before standing up to leave the locker room. Cleaning your cheeks with the back of your hands, you do exactly what he has told you. After writing to your boyfriend and picking up your things, you walk out of the place to wait downstairs. Not a minute after, Antonio comes from behind the main desk saying his goodbye to Platt, before following you to the outside.

Offering you the bag he's carrying in his right hand, keeping the other in a pocket, you take it with curiosity.

“This department, his career, is his life. This is a good way to tell him”.

Grabbing the piece of clothing inside it, you read the emblem of Chicago P.D. before noticing the small size of the shirt.

“We usually give these shirts to the kids who come to see the station”.

Yes. That's the better idea. Your lips curve up in a tender grin of gratitude. You can't help but hug him, without caring who can be watching you.

“C'mon, go to his house and give it to him”.

“Thank you, Antonio… I don't… I don't know what to say”.

“You don't have to. Tell me tomorrow how it has goin'”.

In silence, you nod after placing a kiss on his cheek, keeping back the grey t-shirt inside the bag to go find your car in the private parking.

As always, the road is somewhat empty, reaching Hank's neighborhood in a sight. You can see the lights turned on inside, through the windows, and a free place to park your SUV behind his. Taking your time to leave your car there, you step out having a deep breath trying to calm yourself and your nerves. In your head dance a lot of possible ways about how he will react, and every one of them scares you like never.

Putting your eyes on the bag, you find the needed encouragement to come into his house. Leaving your backpack at the entrance, you lead your steps to the back garden, finding Hank sitting on a wooden chair, leaning forward and shaking his knees nervously. You haven't come this ‘late’ before. But as soon as you sit by his side, placing the bag over the dinner table, he feels less agitated.

Resting his back against his chair, tangling his hands over his abdomen, he can't help but feel curiosity about the content of it and the worrying installed on your face.

“What kind of hell are you into, hm?”

Rubbing the line of his jaw with his thumb, he intertwines his hands again waiting for a response. Maybe we need to talk aren't the words you want to choose, but they're the ones that escape from your throat. Watching how his face hardens, you gulp before licking your bottom lip.

“I don't know how it happened. It's not like… I planned it”.

“Don't beat around the bush and be clear with me”. Hank gesticulates with his forefinger, as he always does when he's losing his nerves. “That's why you have been acting distant, right? If you don't want to continue, just tell me”.

He hisses the last three words, hiding the misery in his tone of voice, leaning forward to you. And that really hurts you, to think that he believes you don't love him anymore. That he may think that his life is not compatible with yours. But that's bullshit. You would make them both fit at any cost, if you would have to.

“What? No, no, no! I'm not going to leave you, Hank. I don't want to”.

“Then, what is this about?”

You can't help but close your eyes and take a deep, deep, deep breath until you feel your lungs about to explode. Expelling the air through your nostrils, you decide to give him the bag instead of continuing screwing up the situation by using the wrong words. Frowning, he slides his hand inside it to take off the shirt of small size. Putting it between his fingers and in front of his hands, Hank raises an eyebrow without understanding what that shirt means.

“You stole it?”

“Technically… It wasn't me, but… Antonio”.

“Antonio stole a shirt and gave it to you, because he doesn't know how to return it?”

Moving your lips in silence, trying to say something, you can't believe he's really this fucking dumb. Shrugging he keeps it back inside the bag, pressing his lips.

“I will do it tomo—”.

“To be a detective, you're too stupid, Henry”. The laugh fills up the garden for a moment, starting to feel less scared than five minutes ago. “Hold the shirt again and put that brain of yours to work”.

He grunts tired of your games, doing what you just told him. Placing it stretched over the table, your boyfriend seems thoughtful rubbing his chin. Looking at you sideways, he shakes his head not getting what you want to tell him, turning towards you clapping his hands.

“I hate riddles. Spit it of a damn time, sweetheart”.

“I'm pregnant”.

Hank doesn't move a single inch of his body, as if he hadn't listened to you. His brown eyes are glued on yours. He doesn't even blink, looking at you as if he's studying your face to make sure himself that it's not a macabre joke. That you aren't kidding. That you're telling him the truth. When he kisses his lips, still remaining silence, you feel at the edge.

“Listen, I was scared of telling you. Not only because it means that people should know we are together, but because I don't know how you feel about it. But I swear for my badge, if you don't say anything in ten seconds, I'm gonna punch you in the face. And believe me, I have had a horrible day, Hank. Got too much rage accumulated in my hands”.

“I don't know what to say”. He whispers while you finish your threat.

Barely breathing, you nod, licking your incisors, putting your gaze away somewhere in the garden. It wasn't the response you wanted to hear, but it was the one you were waiting for. Being sure that he's going to end your relationship, but at least taking care of your baby, the tears fill up your eyes, reddening them again.

Cleaning a furtive one running down your left cheek, you get up from your seat about to leave the porch to come into the house, grab your things and go to your apartment. The only thing you were afraid of since you met him is now destroying you slowly. But Hank doesn't let you pass him away, gently gripping your forearm to make you take a step back and sit on his lap.

“I'm sorry…” You sob covering your face with both hands, not being able to look at him.

“Why?”

“I just… I don't wanna lose you. I've never felt happier in my… fucking life, before meeting you. I'm my best version since we're together. I lo—I love you with all my heart, I swear it…”

“Is this because of Justin?”

Your cry suddenly stops, using the sleeves of your jacket to clean your face, raising it towards him. It's been a long time since you talked about his son for the last time, keeping the mourning for himself.

“I saw you, Hank. You were devastated… Your wound is still bleeding and it's okay. It's normal, I understand it. I will never tell you to not cry for him. I didn't want you to… feel like I'm trying to cover this hole in your heart, just because the only thing I want is you to be happy. I didn't wa—”.

“Justin died, that's a fact. I miss him every day of my life. I should have been a better father for him. Maybe he would be alive now, maybe that night wouldn't have ever happened. But that doesn't mean I don't want this”. He points at the grey t-shirt, giving you some hope. “There's no one who cares more about me than you do. I've imagined my life with you thousands of times. How it would be to have a family together. Do the right thing, because it's never too late to change. And as you said so, you made me a better man too. I want it, (Y/N). I want this life with you. I want this kid. And I want you”.

You pout at him, feeling much better knowing that everything is clear. Placing a hand on the back of your neck, he pushes you closer to catch your lips with his to transmit you all the happiness and the tenderness he has inside his soul, after giving him this second chance in life.

“We will talk with Crowley and Platt tomorrow, okay with that?” You nod in response. “So… Antonio knows, uh?”

“Yeah, he… found me crying in the locker room and saw your message on my phone. It was his idea”.

“He had a good one”. Hank assures while chuckling, urging to rest your head against his chest. “I will give him a biscuit tomorrow, you know, for being a smart dog”.

“He wasn't in Narcotics for anything…”

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE ❜

✨ REQUEST: hermanikiiiiiii i wanted to request you the prompt number 1 with coco cruz!!thank you, love you muchisisimoooooo💕💕

✨ PROMPTS: “Wait, you love me? Like Garfield loves Lasagna?”

✨ MADE BY: Juls.

Gif credit: to my lovely @supervalcsi.

WORDS: about 2k.

❚❙ A/N: this writing hasn’t been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I’m sorry about that. If you find a description about body or a word out of place or something that makes you feel uncomfortable / unrepresented, let me know by a private message and I will change it delighted ❤

❚❙ JOHNNY ‘COCO’ CRUZ MASTERLIST.

❚❙ MASTERLIST.

❚❙ JOIN MY TAG LIST.

When you heard that Coco had been shot, your heart suddenly stopped. It was four days ago in some kind of dog's fight, as Chuckie told you at the scrapyard. Bishop needed someone to take care of him while they were investigating what happened, so you offered yourself without doubting it.

Much to your regret, you are only two good friends, even if you feel more things that you can't explain, about which you haven't talked with anyone. And thanks to your work in the hospital, you managed a room only for him, so he could rest as much as he wanted, as much as he needed. But your back hurts like hell after being sleeping on the sofa, close to the bed, just to make sure that you were able to attend to all his necessities for minimal they were.

These days there, you have learned a lot about him, about his curiosities, about his fears; spending his time awake talking with you to keep his mind entertained, to not think about the pain in his lower abdomen. Your mates took the bullet in a jiffy, but, normally, the sorrow remains for a couple of weeks. Luckily, he only complained when the hour of the next turn of medicines was close.

You have tried to not think about your feelings the time you were in the hospital, but it was impossible. All you wanted to do was to lie by his side on the bed, embrace him between your arms and kiss him, having to conform yourself with holding his hand and resting your cheek on the mattress. Your eyes have never left his eyes, not even when he was sleeping, on alert in case of an unforeseen because of pain, or an infection, or God who knows. You were really paranoid.

“You ready?”

Coco glared at you, slightly tilting his head. You had asked the same question five times in the last two minutes. Offering him a hand to secure himself, the mexican put down from the hospital bed, ready to leave and go home. Angel and Gilly had cleaned his house, even if you insisted to Bishop that you could do it. But he asked you back to stay with him till the next morning, so he wouldn't stay the night alone until they came back from the other side of the border.

Two knocks in the opened door brought you back to reality from your own thoughts, in the meantime that you helped Coco to wear his leather kutte. Directing your tired eyes to the entrance of the room, you found three Vicki's girls, happily waving their hands. Raising an eyebrow confused and your lips pressed, they came in without asking.

“Papi, we've missed you”. The latin and playful tone of voice from Mariela, as she swung her hips to your friend, gave you shivers.

In just one sight, your presence was pushed to the background. These girls hadn't even called to ask about his state of health and, now, they were there as if they did all the work you did —delighted, of course. Trying to keep calm, you put Coco's clothes into his bag, zipping it when everything is ready.

“No te preocupes, we take care of him now”. Carolina sentenced with contempt and superiority, grabbing his stuff ready to abandon the hospital.

“Yeah, mami. Go home and rest”. His words hurt. More than a bullet.

Preferring their company besides yours let you know that he hadn't taken in count what you did. And yes, you did it because you wanted, but you also thought that maybe could mean a step ahead. But it wasn't. Not saying a word, doing anything but a simple nod with your chin, you grabbed your bag to step out from there. Ashamed. Feeling stupid.

Two weeks have passed and Coco has come back to the clubhouse. This time you have been doing extra shifts to compensate for your lost days taking care of him, almost walking like a zombie from home to work, and from work to home. So, when Bishop invites you to a party in his honor, you decline it. You are too tired physically to assist and tired mentally for foolishness. What is the point of going to a party to see Coco having fun with those bitches? You have had enough after two weeks without receiving a single text to thank you or to know how you are. He hasn't even cared about the fact that you haven't shown up in the club for two weeks. That's the little he thinks in your friendship.

Zapping from one channel to another, you try to find something to watch. A movie, a tv show, whatever that helps to distract your mind, while you enjoy thai noodles with beef. Finally finding an action movie, you cover yourself with a cozy blanket, grabbing the cardboard box to start your dinner. The ringtone of your phone interrupts your calm, with Coco's name on the screen. At first, you don't want to answer, but he continues insisting for more than three long minutes. Hanging up and calling again. With a furious growl installed in your throat, you leave over the table your dinner to grab your phone.

“The fuck means you aren' comen'?”

He doesn't even let you say hi or how are you.

“It means that I'm tired and I have to work at five”.

“I don' think one damn beer reverses your sleeping schedule, Yo' Grace”.

“Fuck you, Jonathan. I've been working double shifts to cover the hours I was taking care of you in th—”.

“Nobody asked you to do it”.

Eyes widened and your heart racing. You can't believe he just said that.

“Yeah, nobody did. But your hermanos preferred to be on the other side of the border. Your putas preferred to be partying and sucking dicks in Vicki's. And your mamá sent me pal' carajo when I called to tell her what happened. I did it because I was your friend. Because I cared about you. Because seeing you there with… all those tubes was killing me. That shit continues giving me nightmares every fucking night. But you shit on that. You kicked me as soon as your putas came to the hospital”. You don't know when you have started to cry, more than because of the rage than because of the sadness. “I'm sorry if I'm too tired to drink a fucking beer, but my job is more important than a person who doesn't give a shit about me, who hasn't called or text me in two weeks, who only wants my company when no one else is around. Have fun in your damn party and fuck all those whores to thank them for picking you up from the hospital, but didn't care about how you were after being shot”.

Hanging up, you toss the phone somewhere on the table, wrapping your body with the blanket and lying down on the sofa. Trying to contain the tears, the only thing you earn is to cry bitterness. You can't understand why he only has noticed your absence at the party. What has changed? Probably it was his egocentrism working, wanting to be surrounded by a lot of people, not caring if they're his friends or not. But you're done being his lapdog.

About to fall asleep, the angry hits in the main door make you suddenly wake up agitated.

“Open up!”

The rage is consuming you again after hearing the strong mexican accent, taking three long strides towards it to receive him with your reddened crystal eyes.

“What the fuck 'you want now? Haven't you had enough beating myself up?”

“You're fuckin' dramatic”. He spits in your face, stopping with a foot the slam to his about to close the door again. “I didn't talk to you because you were working, bu' you didn't talk to me either”.

“Yeah, because you were served with your bitches. Go fuck yourself, Jonathan”.

“Don' call me like that again”. Coco grunts taking a step into your house. “You had to work, they came to cover your back”.

“Oh, please, don't make me laugh. They just wanted to have the credits of taking care of you, so you will expend more money with them. That's the only thing they care about you. Wake up from your world of fantasy, Coco. If you weren't part of the MC, you wouldn't be a shit for them; just another fucking soldier with a broken home”. You can't help but push his chest with both hands, driven by anger.

At first, he doesn't say anything. He looks thoughtful, being aware of the truth in your words. And it hurts that you have to be the one to open his eyes. The problem is that you weren't thinking while talking, pulling your gaze away from him and pressing your trembling lips, one against the other.

“I'm sorry”. You babble, cleaning your tears with the back of your left hand. “I didn't mea—”.

“But you said so”. Coco interrupts you with a husky tone of voice, bristling every inch of skin of your anatomy. “That's wha' I am without my kutte. An ex-soldier, a criminal, an outlaw. I spend my money on them because they take care of me, one way or another”.

“I did it too”.

“So, what? What you want? Money? Tell me an amount”.

Squinting at him, you can't help but chuckle with a painful and bitter laugh.

“I did it because I love you, not because I want your money”. You confess, knowing there's no going back. “I don't care about your money, nor your job, nor about your kutte. I love you because you make me happy. After all, for me, there's nothing better than a hug of yours, because you… you are simply amazing. You're intelligent, funny, loyal. And I wish that you could see yourself through my eyes, Coco”.

He, not saying anything, is killing you slowly. Barely breathing, you cross your arms over your chest to hide the fact that your lungs aren't receiving any air.

“I thought that after being shot, you realized you only live once. And that… after being those… boring days with me, you realized that you preferred the company of these other girls. The funny part of being alive. So I just pulled myself away”. Taking a small pause, you bow down your head, cleaning your tears again. “These weeks have been torture. I've written you a lot of texts that I haven't sent… and I've been a lot of times about to call you. But 'you know that… feeling when you think... the other person is not gonna answer you, because maybe is too busy for you? That shit has been destroying me”.

Hoping that Coco finally is going to speak, he remains silent. Looking at you openmouthed, processing all the information you have just give him.

“Can you, ple—please, say something?” You beg almost shaking.

“Wait, you… love me? Like… Garfield loves lasagna?”

Raising your eyes, pouting at him, you know that he's trying to make you laugh after understanding all the pain you have been through. Lonely. Without talking about it with anyone.

“I'm sorry, mami… I just… fuck”.

Cupping your cheeks onto his hands, Coco slams his lips on yours, tasting the salty tears you have shed because of him. The sloppy kisses bring some more air to your lungs, calming your racing pulse and making you feel less unhappy. As your fingers get intertwined in his shirt, crinkling under your grip, he urges you to walk backward so he can close the main door with a kick.

“God knows I'm so fuckin' sorry… Please, forgive me”. Coco's whispers brush your lips, keeping his eyes closed just like yours. “I'm gonna take care of you now, okay?”.

Nodding in silence, you place your arms around his middle back, hiding your face into his chest. His strong scent brings you back to life, while his arms wrap you tightly to comfort all the pain he has provoked you without knowing it.

“I just want you, ma'. No one else. Just you”.

[purlturtle]

I got tagged by @aflawedfashion - thank you!

Anyone who wants to do this too can feel tagged - I would love to learn more about any of my mutuals!

Here we go:

Four ships:

Bering and Wells - my forever OTP. Look, I am not a fandom-socialized person. I didn't know about ships and OTPs and all of that. All I know is that I saw them together and I loved them. Instantly and unconditionally. I loved them in a way I'd never felt about any pairing on screen or page before, or since. So when I go on in this list, the distance between them and the next entry is basically astronomical.

Kathryn Janeway and Beverly Crusher, and it's all @ussjellyfish 's fault (affectionate).

Jadzia Dax and Lenara Kahn. "Rejoined" broke my heart, and I want them together. Rabidly want them together.

Jadzia Dax and Kira Nerys. They were a surprise ship, but I'm glad I found them! I even wrote a little fic for them!

(edited to add: bad reading comprehension here, whoops! Anywho, have this fifth of four anyway:) Deanna Troi and Will Riker. Long before I knew what shipping was, I adored their story, both in the show and in the novels ("Imzadi" is so good, in so many ways). They are my go-to het ship; I'm 💯 sure they're open to all kinds of polyamory and fun sexytimes and shenanigans with all consenting interested parties, and they just support and love each other in the best, maturest way possible. They're also my go-to for "we weren't right for each other then, but we're right for each other now", which is a criminally underused trope! (See also Pete and Amanda from W13.)

First ever ship: as explained above, Bering and Wells or Troi/Riker, depending on your definition.

Last song: listen. I'm incredibly, impossibly impressionable. You even just so much as mention a song that I know, and hey presto, it's in my ears. Earlier this morning it was the Cat Bus Song from Totoro. Right now, due to a post on my dash, it's Carol of the Bells. In five minutes' time, it might be anything.

Last film: watched The Eternals on Friday. Was thoroughly unimpressed. A few good ideas, and some good acting (and I love love love that we got a female Asian lead), but yeah nah, that didn't hit the spot for me. Can't wait to see the new Death on the Nile though!

Currently reading: novels? I can't. Like, seriously, I'm burned out for reading stories that don't have characters that I know. So at the moment, fan fic. Since the last two years, really. Like, I got Priory of the Orange Tree lying right there, but I can't. I finished Gideon the Ninth and hated it. (I know many people love it and that's fine with me, but I. Just. Couldn't.) So, I'm making my way through the Sanvers Big Bang fics, and through other fics I'm randomly finding, and that's it. Loved Roadie's Mermaid fic.

Currently watching: I'm slowly making my way through Xena. Never really watched it in any consecutive or deliberate fashion, and am doing so now. I'm at the beginning of season 2.

Currently consuming: uh... like in food? Delivery Kung Pao (my beloved). We live in the 'burbs, and it's damn hard to find good delivery food here, but there's one place that has both good sushi and good other Asian dishes. They're one town over, though, so you need to order a lot with them to make the minimum amount they drive out for. So my wife and I often order sushi for that night, and then a non-sushi meal to eat the next day. And 9 times out of 10, it's kung pao for me and fried rice for the wife. And so when my wife was out (friend's b-day party) on Friday, I got that exact delivery for myself (including her fried rice for Saturday). And I still got some kung pao left! So that's what I'll have once I'm done with this post! 😁

Currently craving: well. Guess. 😂

So, I said anyone can feel free to do this - that's also because I'm always nerve that when I do mention someone specifically here, other mutuals will feel left out. But I'm really curious about what @magicmumu2 would say to these questions, and @strangesmallbard, and @galactic-pirates . So if you guys wanna do this, go ahead, if not, no worries!

[herotome]

Devlog #32

Hi-ho, Wudgey here! Each week goes by much too fast.

I've thought about switching to a monthly or bi-weekly devlog schedule, but I know I'd forget to list off more than I already do lol.... Weekly updates works best for now, because I can use them as reminders of everything I've been working on. Too often I'll disregard my own efforts or put myself down by saying "I'm not doing enough."

I've been doing a lot less of that negative self-talk though. :)

I spent a lot of time brainstorming how I want to present the next scene. Originally the setting was a public museum, but I've since decided to change it to a rather private establishment more befitting of a superhero interview. I also slightly changed how a character is introduced. I'm much happier with the scene now, and just need to do some in-game playtesting (to catch minor inconsistencies/reinforce some minor themes) before I send it off for editing.

I'm also considering the parameters required to get the game's first bad ending. The version I previewed in the demo is actually just one version -- because the bad ending has four variations depending on your choices! I don't want to spoil anything, but I'm quite pleased with them all, and some of you guys might love them too judging from the comments. ❤︎

Other than that, let's see. I prepared documentation for three GUI screens, consulted @synstoria about a custom save/load button placements, started working with @remnantation on a couple sprite variations (pose and outfit).... Working through my asks slowly but surely....

Oh, I may as well plug the music one more time! Here we go:

:^)

I hope you’re all staying safe and keeping warm.

Much love,

Wudgey

~~~

❤︎ Play the prologue demo

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