#i'm so tired i almost put that it's 2018

[tachypodion]

taylor heise stalking the puck at tonight's game (usa vs canada april 8, 2024)

[mondstalgia]

BL ships that I will never forget:

In a few weeks it's gonna be 14 years of obsessing over queer media, especially BL, so here are the ships always on my mind in no particular order.

Arata & Shingyouji (Takumi-kun Series 4: Pure, 2010): Listen the Takumi-kun Series from 2007 to like 2011 was my life as a (pre-)teen. In hindsight really sketchy but anyway haha. Those two really caught my eye back then though (especially their racy kisses) and I was happy they got their own bigger part in one of the movies.

Evan & Isak (Skam Season 3, 2016): Was there a queer European teen that wasn't obsessed with this season of Skam? I remember re-watching it so many times I could recite their text without speaking Norwegian. Plenty of beautiful Skam universe parallel couples out there but these two will remain the iconic blueprint.

ChenAi (Kiseki: Dear to me, 2023): Almost unfair to put them on here but seeing how I haven't been able to think about any other ship every single day for the last 3 months, I feel like it's justified. They just have everything I want and need to get hyperfixated on.

Seiryo & Yuzuru (Seven Days, 2015): Oh my, the way I loved this silly concept and how funny it was yet they managed to get me all emotionally involved in the span of two movies? Insane chemistry and just..everything I needed back then. Especially since it was then one of the very few BL's I saw without a sad ending.

KornKnock (Bad Romance 2016, Together With Me 2017 - 2018): Listen, plot wise Manner of Death is the absolute height to me but when it comes to MaxTul I will never forget them as Korn and Knock in these series. Forever grateful to all the fanvids that led me to finding my BL fathers. Chemistry forever out of this world. Also shout out to Yiwha, best female character in any BL and my wife.

WinTeam (Until We Meet Again 2019, Between Us 2023): The couple that made me aware of what second lead syndrome was because I waited so long for more of them, it felt eternal. I don't think I will ever get tired of these two.

VegasPete (KinnPorsche, 2022): Who said I couldn't like a toxic ship? These two took me by surprise, I didnt even know they were going to be a ship in the series. Definitely acknowledging how fucked up they are yet at the same time it's the forst toxic ship that really got me. I love them, in my own weird way.

HaoGu (HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count, 2019): I mourned them like I have mourned no other couple. I should have known from the title but they really lead me astray. My beautiful boys, the star crossed lovers. They still get me emotional now, I might go cry now.

Hira & Kiyoi (Utsukushii Kare, 2021 - 2023): Before ChenAi there were Hira and Kiyoi who absolutely owned my heart. I love how misunderstood by BL fans they were who claimed their toxicity. Meanwhile I simply love how weird their relationship is and getting to see a real Tsundere in action. I'm obsessed with them.

Honourable Mention: Kim Jae Wook as Min Sun Woo in Antique Bakery, 2008. The very first gay character I saw in Korean media. Forever iconic, forever in my heart.

[gloombeauty]

I discovered something about Lana's show in Fenway Park in Boston. It's not sold out at all. You can Google it and check other sites but here are the tickets for Lana's show for sale at Stubhub. Some are descent prices like $200 and some tickets are almost 3k. But tickets are there to buy and some are being sold by bots. Her fans were complaining on her managers page. His name is Ben. He deleted all the comments but one stan confronted him and I found the screenshot on X. I don't understand why lanaboards and Ben shamelessly lied about the show being sold out. Lana has stayed silent so far. 🤷‍♀️

Okay.

Let me swallow all this in.

So, the official tickets from Ticket Master are 100% sold out.

However, the tickets are being sold at these sites:

1 - Vividseats

2 - Ticketboxofficesales

3- Seat Geek

The prices are ranging from $200 to $5,000.

So technically, it's sold out but not really sold out because ticket scalpers are now re-selling them.

I solely blame this on Lana Del Rey.

If The Cure, Tom Petty, Foo Fighters, Yungblud, Greta Van Fleet, Bruce Springsteen, Nine Inch Nails, Metallica, AC/DC, Radiohead, Pearl Jam and many more artists can stop ticket scalpers, why can't Lana do it too?

All Lana has to do is click on a button online that says "do not allow re-sale of tickets" and that's it. Taylor Swift could have done it as well, but she let that slide through because what does she care? She made her coins. She couldn't care less that some poor dad working 60 hours a week has to pay over 10k to get his 3 daughters Taylor Swift Era's tickets. Taylor is a multi millionairess as is Lana. These people couldn't care less for the common man or how expensive concert tickets are. That's just how rich people are. It's rare when they do care, like Pearl Jam and the other artists I mentioned above.

Lana's manager Ed is an asshole. Always has been. He deletes comments all the time for the stupidest reasons. Of course these are gone. All this just makes Lana look bad because she is basically sitting back and watching her fans spend thousands of dollars on re-sold concert tickets.

Lanaboards - don't even get me started on that dumpster fire cesspool trash site. The chick who runs that page literally looks like a blowup doll.

Anyway, all this drama just to watch a 38 year old woman sing the same exact tired setlist. Adding the fact that she only whisper-sings nowadays and points the mic at the audience so they can sing her songs. She doesn't even do the whole song. She whispers-sings a little, does a little half-ass shimmy move and cuts the song onto the next one. All this while a back track vocal recording is playing in the background with 15 tacky dancers.

People actually are willing to pay for this?

It's one thing to buy the albums and watch the videos, which is all I do - but what else is there to do? I'm not putting any of my hard earned money to see this boring mess. That is where I draw the line.

I won't even buy any of Lana's official merch tees because the designs are so hideous. Overpriced hideousness. No thanks.

Lana is a great singer (in the studio - not in concert) and songwriter. Nobody can take that away from her. In a live setting? Boring as hell and not worth all the money fans are paying to see her whisper and half ass shuffle on stage.

This is the Lana worth every penny to go to:

This Lana Del Rey is gone. Has been gone for 6 years.

The last time Lana sang with heart and soul was in 2018 for this concert in Brazil:

That's all I really have to say on this sad subject. I miss the old Lana Del Rey. The Lana who use to sing and made an effort on stage.

Lana was at her best on stage during the years 2011-2016, although that 2018 Brazilian show wasn't bad. It just wasn't her best. It was the last time she actually opened her mouth and sang which is why I added it here.

There is an interesting thread on Reddit about artists preventing this re-selling crap from happening. It's a good read.

[consularmain]

Alliance Commander Ask Game

THE WAY I SCREAMED WHEN I FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS. I was tagged a very long time ago by @sullustangin to do this and I completely forgot

1) Who’s your Alliance Commander? What class are they? Alignment? Random other facts you wanna share?

My Jedi Knight is my canonical Commander for my legacy. Her name is Minerva and she’s been through a lot of changes since I started playing her in 2018. She is a Guardian tank with a Shadow secondary class. She’s trapped at Light 5 because of how the old alignment system worked, but I headcanon she’s closer to Light Three. She has one of the most detailed backstories I've ever made for a character and I'm so proud of her :') She's like my child lol

2) What’s a reason or two you like that this character is your Commander? Minerva is not and never wanted to be a leader in any way and I live for that kind of inner conflict. Plus the expansions feel very natural with the Knight as the Commander imo.

3) What’s a reason or two you don’t like about them being Commander? I can’t think of anything other than I wish the writers would let her get some rest. Give me a cutscene where she's just enjoying being with her friends and boyfriend pls

4) Why did this character of all your OCs become Commander? Like I said earlier, it felt natural for Minerva to continue her fight against Vitiate and she was also the first character I got to endgame before Onslaught came out so she's just fixed as the Commander in my mind.

5) Who did they side with? Did they stay loyal or go saboteur? Or maybe you headcanon they defect properly? Minerva decided to side with the Republic, but she kept the Alliance separate and declined the offer to become a member of the Order again. She believes in the Republic but she hasn’t been a Jedi for a long time – even before she was put in the carbonite. And it would be incredibly inappropriate given a new “attachment” in her life. 

6) Are there any NPC’s from the class stories you’d like to see/HC join the Alliance? Ex: Master Timmns, Ardun Kothe, Watcher One, etc. Lord. PRAVEN. In my hc, he was on Ossus during kotfe/kotet and joins the Alliance after Onslaught. He's Minerva's bestie and the writers can't take this away from me.

7) How’s your OC feeling about the current Malgus situation? She's over it, honestly. She is so tired of people coming back from the dead.

8) Are any of your other OC’s part of the Alliance? If yes what do they do for the Alliance? Do they get along with your Commander?

My Chiss trooper, Jame Harper, is Minerva's cousin but they're closer to sisters. Harper had given up hope she was still alive and attacked Zakuul to avenge her. Once she joins the Alliance, Harper is responsible for training new recruits and strategizing for the big battles.

After the incident on Dromund Kaas, Acina sent her Wrath to Odessen to show the Empire’s support. Tegan and Minerva’s old rivalry picked up right where it left off but now that they're on the same side, they actually start to respect each other. They become frenemies but it doesn't last long.

Freya and her Clan join Torian on Odessen and are responsible for keeping the peace between Imperial and Republic personnel. Freya knows Minerva doesn't have much family so she takes on an almost motherly role, fussing over her and making sure she takes care of herself.

My Smuggler, Lyall, is Minerva's eyes and ears in the Outer Rim. He's a friend to the Alliance, not an actual member, but he appreciates what they're trying to do. He and Minerva share a history so it's no big deal for him to help out on the occasional mission.

9) How does your OC feel about Odessen? (Bonus: how do you feel about it) Despite all the craziness around her, Minerva feels at peace on Odessen - something she's not felt in a long time. She loves the wild forests and the endless lakes and rivers. It feels like home. She's never felt that way about anywhere before, not even the Jedi Order. I personally love Odessen. I wish there was a stronghold on Odessen so I could decorate it to Minerva's tastes.

10) How does your Commander feel about being the Commander? To say Minerva has a complicated relationship with it would be an understatement. Some days, it's great. She's doing more for the galaxy than she ever could as a Jedi. But sometimes she realizes just how many lives will be effected by her decisions and she feels trapped. She doesn’t feel anyone should ever have so much power. But she's lucky to have such a strong support system behind her and they make it bearable.

11) Favorite place in the Alliance base? Minerva's favorite is the little pool at the base of the statue in the Force Enclave. She meditates for hours in the sunlight coming in through the crack in the ceiling. As for mine, it has to be the war room. I love seeing my companions just vibing with each other.

12) Favorite mission in KotFE? Definitely visiting the old world on Zakuul with Senya. I wish we got to see more of it or at least get a Zakuulan stronghold but I doubt the story will ever bring us back to Zakuul :(

13) Favorite mission in KotET? The palace mission, just because it's where we get Arcann lmao

14) Least favorite mission in either? Why? The walker missions are brutal. Except for the one on Iokath. That one is so much fun lol

15) Is your Commander successful because they’re skilled? Or are they perhaps just really lucky? Minerva has worked hard to hone her body and mind into a weapon, but she also believes the Force is on her side as long as she listens to it. To her, luck doesn't exist.

16) From our OC’s point of view, SoR -> KotET wasn’t a fun experience, did they develop any fears as a result? A lot of her fears were realized. She was abandoned by the people she trusted and the Jedi Order, the only constant in her life, was practically wiped out. Valkorion was once again in her head and the fear of him taking over at any given moment made her distance herself from the people around her in order to protect them. It was the loneliest period of her life. 

She also has a fear of public speaking so she hates it when she has to give speeches to encourage people.

17) AU time! If your Commander wasn’t Commander, which of your other OCs would have likely taken their place? Harper has a habit of falling into positions of leadership despite her loner attitude. I can see her somehow accidentally becoming Commander in Minerva's place because no one else stepped up.

18) Who’s someone your Commander hopes they never have to deal with again?

19) Does your Commander hold on to/still use any titles they earned before KotET? Minerva's begun to let go of her old life but she doesn't mind being called "Master" or "Battlemaster" by other Jedi. She earned those titles so it's a sign of respect for her.

20) Share something, anything at all, you want about your Commander that you’ve not really gotten the chance to share before but really want to. Minerva loves trashy entertainment. Holovids, shows, books - it doesn't matter, she loves it all. It's antithesis to everything she was used to growing up that she found it so compelling. She's also a sucker for those romance books you see in line at the grocery store.

[rivnedell]

Tolkien saved me

Just some thoughts I need to write down / Mental health issues mentioned

Not the usual tone of my blog but I just felt a urge to write, sorry

Parental death tw

I'm marked with parental alienation. I was 6 when my mom took us three, her, my sister and I far away to escape. She saved us. But I couldn't understand the bravery and the strength she needed to do that, taking us, a few clothes and driving as fast as she could while he was at work, 900km back to her parents and sisters. We lived a while with one of my aunts then my mom met step-dad. My Dad in heart actually. Fortunately it's a tremendously amazing and caring person, and he helped us to go through the hell.

I was asked to choose between my (bioligical) father and my mom, well my father asked me so. He manipulated me to choose him if I was asked by social workers who do I wanted to live with. He kept insulting my mom in front of me, degrading her, and mocking her when I was with him. Then I was menaced, insulted, degraded, violated, forced to feel guilty about about everything, being under massive and constant psychological control.

And I still feel like I betrayed my mom when I was 7.

The hell lasted until I was 17 and half. I stopped going at his, and I could finally breath, make my studies away and my life from him. In 2018, I was 21, I reconnected with him, I tried to put the negative aside, but it became impossible. It grew as 'it's him or me' and I chose myself, for survival again. It just lasted a year. And for 4 years before he died in nov 22 I could live far away from all of this, far from him, no contact and that felt like a relief.

In reality, I just put everything under the rug and locked it secured.

His death brought back everything, even stronger than it already was.

It felt weird, because I guess I still had a tiny hope that he would change at some point, and that I could someday, be ready to face him and to tell him how much he hurt me, how much he frightened me.

But that will never happen. And all the traumatic memories resurfaced like I was living them in my present. And it's hard. What do I do ? Put it under the rug again and try to survive like nothing ?

No, I don't feel I wanna do this anymore. I'm tired of struggling in the dark. I'm exhausted. Exhausted of being on a constant level of survival mode, while I don't need it.

-

All of this causes me to deal with CPTSD and its consequences. And it's tough to hang on.

I'm currently at a upper max level of procrastination where I am now feeling so numbed in and like a cocoon I am freaked out to leave. I'm freaked out to make actions, to make things happen.

Impostor syndrome, rejection fear, not feeling legit at anything in life, struggling with the simple will of existing. I do want not to stop existing, but I am afraid of fully existing, because of all the above wounds and fears.

But still, I'm avoiding life, while his death awaken in me the fear of not existing anymore.

Paradox.

And, almost, nothing is helping me hanging on, helping me wanting to bring myself back in life.

-

All my life I've been hanging tight on Tolkien's work and Peter Jackson's vision to abandon myself into this fantasy land that is Middle Earth, to escape reality. The reality at home that was made of mental insecurity, psychological violence, control and manipulation. In my childhood I used to imagine myself fighting with legolas with a bow and going home in Rivendell after chasing some orcs with Aragorn, meeting Gandalf and Galadriel occasionally. All those characters are so engraved in me and dear to my heart. All this imagination, this entire world, mythological world, and languages seized me when I was 5. And I never let go, and never will.

Middle Earth saved me and helped me wanting to stay alive in a time I was crushed by violence and psychological pressure and control.

-

But my child self is still rulling me, and I'm trrying to take my actual own conscious power back.

She (little me) used to be afraid, to be frightened, to be insulted, to be violated, to constantly be on survival mode. And she still is, rulling me according her methods for survival.

While.. I, the 26 woman I am now, does no longer need.

So it's a battle between me and me. Because I no longer need to protect myself from a menace that no longer exist, literally.

It's really hard to let go, I think it's the hardest thing I would have ever havr to do in my life. Just let it go and leave the past to the past.

-

I feel alone and lonely sometimes. Feeling like I would annoy everybody with my whining..

I'm just sharing this with hope that it could awake something in someone and.. Though I'm feeling alone, I don't want anyone to feel like I feel so, I'm saying this to you, you're not alone, we're together, we're fighting.

It's not you're fault.

And to be honest.. I'm not gonna lie, it feels good to write it down.

Thanks if you red til here ❤️

[pennyserenade]

i saw that there’s going to be a new x-files series developed by ryan coogler and BOOKED IT to your blog!!! what do you think??! how do you feel??!!

first off: i love you omg??? i love that show so much--more than words can adequately express, as i'm sure you're aware--and im honored you want to hear my thoughts about this news.

at first i said that i wasn't going to say anything because admittedly not all my thoughts are great, and i don't want to shit on it before it even gets the chance to prove its worth. i'm not at all opposed to diversity being added into the x-files, or the show being developed by a person of color. in fact that's one of the things i'm most excited for regarding this. the entire time i watched the original show i noticed the startling lack of diversity in the cast, the plot, and the writers room. the original show does suffer at times from being written namely by white men and i think the x-files reboot probably will do better in terms of those things. at least i certainly hope

what i'm hesitant about is the fact that i don't see the x-files working in the modern day. when they did the revival back in 2018 (? i don't remember the exact year because i wasn't there yet, but i think it was around that time) it was obvious that they were all scrambling to make the plots work in the contemporary age. so much of the conflict in the x files is wrapped around the fact that fox mulder cannot prove that the government is doing all of these heinous shit, and that the paranormal and extraterrestrial stuff is real. he never could collect any tangible evidence that couldn't be ruined and he never could garner enough public support even if he did have it to build up to anything reputable before it was. they were always able to discredit him. now he could do that. we live in an age where everyone has a cell phone and an opinion and we can all get things to people faster than the speed of lightening.

but also there's the fact that every one has a cell phone and an opinion. it might not work, not because the characters can get evidence quickly and then, bam, the conflict is all gone, but also because conspiracies aren't what they used to be. we live in paranoid and tired age. our computers track us, companies own our data, and we see more ads in one year than someone in the 1960s saw in their entire lives. since 2020 i've heard the united states government twice confirm the existence of aliens and ufos. and then you've got shit like qanon and the campaigns of constant misinformation and no one is exactly sure what is real and what isn't. put fox mulder from the 90s on twitter or reddit for a week and you've got a terrible mess on your hands. in the revival scully literally tells him, "mulder the internet isn't good for you." much of the same can be said about the entire x-files in general. it simply doesn't have that magic that it did in the 90s when you translate it for the modern day.

my last complaint is the fact that i love mulder and scully so much, and the idea of anyone but these two characters doing the government work they did feels sacrilegious. i don't want other people playing fox mulder and dana scully, and i don't want other people playing remixed versions of fox mulder and dana scully. if they're going to start new i sure hope they start from scratch because these are two characters who are so beloved and cared about. i think it's almost disrespectful to tread on the paths they already walked.

having said all that i do think this reboot isn't without its hope. a lot of what i complained about can be solved with a simply putting this reboot in a different time period. i'd love to see what the an x files-like government sector would like in the '60s, '70s, or '80s. there's a lot to be said about the government in those time periods. it was all rife with reasonable conspiracy and i think they could very well do with making diverse storylines and all of that. i want this to succeed more than anyone. i'm just scared about it lol

[winxwiki]

20/11/2023 Iginio Straffi interview translated

Original article

A while ago, you said about Winx, "I felt the lack of strong characters for little girls, there were so many superheroes for little boys but not for little girls." Can we say that you were the forerunner of this feminist movement that now dominates movies and TV series?

"Yes, I can't say that myself but I certainly always happen to be a little bit ahead on ideas. And then come the current situations where certainly there is an abuse of this feminine imagery that, in the end, is in danger of getting tiring as is happening with Marvel movies."

It was the early 2000s when, with Winx, you were talking about feminism, putting children of divorced parents at the center of the stories, and launching the theme of inclusiveness.

"It was difficult to impose my idea in those years. At the time there was this idea that little girls watched more sitcoms, shows like Hannah Montana or Lizzie McGuire, and that cartoons belonged only to boys. Then I was told that if I targeted female viewers it would be a flop in terms of ratings because males would change the channel. Instead, I strongly believed that it was important to have a cartoon that brought girls into power and in which males were almost "the damsels" that talked about women not getting married and going against the idea of their father. At that time my products caused a stir; today they are the norm. We talked about separated parents, we represented multi-ethnicity already more than 20 years ago."

Next year Winx will turn 20, will we see them again?

"We are working on a reboot series of the cartoon to be released in 2025, 7 years after the last season we released in 2018. I felt the need to go back to Bloom's story, how the fairies became friends, how they discovered powers, how the Winx Club was formed. It will be a cartoon made with a modern techniques and tone, and it was important for me to take the Winx story from the beginning because on streaming platforms today you can only find the last seasons of the cartoon and I wanted the little girls of today to be able to know the beginning of the story, I wanted the Winx to be able to emotionally engage them as well as those little girls of the 1990s who are now 25-30 years old and who grew up with the cartoon on TV. To be able to grab them the same way we need to tell them about the origins of the Winx and do it in their own language. Then, in addition to that, I'm going to do a big live-action movie dedicated to fairies that I'm already working on, so yes, we will still see the Winx."

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Vaguely incoherent stuff about what might have become my favourite episode of the Robins/James radio show. Not for any one particular reason, it was just very funny. The whole post could basically be summarized in those few sentences.

Reached episode 220 of the Radio X shows, from May 2018, and I think it might be the funniest one I've heard so far.

Normally, to be honest, I like that this show is nice easy listening. I'm sorry that this is a massively backhanded compliment because I don't mean it that way and love the show, but I do like that it's something I can easily listen to on the commute to work or on a break at work or something, and it's not going to make me fall apart laughing in public. I mean, I always try to get a spot at the front of the train and facing the wall so I can laugh a bit without people seeing me. But I won't necessarily laugh out loud to the point of it being a problem.

For whatever reason, on this day in May 2018, they hit a stride to the point where I found it difficult to listen on a break at work because I didn't want my coworkers to hear laughter coming from the empty classroom in which I'd barricaded myself. They were both just on for the entire time. I should maybe say they were all on, because Vin was good too. It was so much fun to listen to.

They do repeatedly announce that they were both at a party last night and are both hungover, and John repeatedly announces that he's in a terrible mood for at least the first half of the episode, so we have further confirmation that alcohol always makes people better at their jobs and John Robins should never be allowed to be happy. Although he did mention on the next episode that he was almost a week into things with his new girlfriend, which I realized probably explained why there was the sort of manic giddiness alongside his irritability and hangover the previous week, which I think was the recipe for why everything he said was so funny. But that's not sustainable, you can't have John Robins acquire a girlfriend every week just because it might put him in a particularly excitable broadcasting mood. That's definitely not a good idea. When they announced that, I did have a brief reaction of "Oh my God, again? He's doing it again? Oh God, I forgot that that he's going to do it again. Isn't he tired? How does he have the energy to do this all over again? I barely have the energy to listen to him do it all over again." The radio episodes were quite a rollercoaster during his previous relationship, turning up every other week with anecdotes that made me wince and think this is a terrible idea, and then there was the breakup phase that was even more of a rollercoaster, and I was vaguely aware from having read his Wikipedia page that between the point I'm at (mid-2018) and present day he gets into an other relationship, gets engaged, and then it ends again. But I'd forgotten it was going to happen until they actually mentioned it. It was pretty similar to my reaction when any of my friends tell me they've got into a relationship, which is "Oh I'm going to have to spend so much time listening to stories about how your relationship is going that always make me think you should definitely not be in it anymore, and I'll have to stand there and not say that, and hanging out will get awkward because I have to pretend I think your relationship is a good idea, and then eventually there will be a breakup phase where you'll be very upset but I still won't really be allowed to tell you the whole thing's a terrible idea, until you're finally done and then the cycle will just repeat, and it's fine and I'll be supportive but don't you get tired?" (People reading this blog excepted, and I mean that genuinely, the couple of people I've met online in healthy relationships make me wonder if I just happen to have only ever met in person people who have terrible relationships.) Anyway, the commercial indie Radio X show is going to do another romance storyline, even though honestly, it's been in a pretty good place and I'm not sure they needed to throw in that kind of subplot.

(Disclaimer: Obviously alcohol is bad for you and quitting it is good and people should be happy and digital DJs should pursue both happiness and relationships at the rate that makes sense for their own lives and not according to what makes good radio. Although pursuing relationships and frequently discussing their ups and downs on air are two different things, and the latter maybe could be done according to a bit more of a "good radio" schedule, because I'm currently three episodes into the new relationship and there have already been multiple stories based on it that are slightly exhausting to listen to, we've got several years of this ahead. I don't genuinely wish unhappiness on people, I hope all my favourite tortured single comedians are secretly very happy and just doing a character, I would love it if it turned out Daniel Kitson's been happily married since 2007 and Michael Legge's been sober his whole life and it's all an elaborate ruse. I just don't need to hear the relationship updates in their work all the time.)

Anyway, this post wasn't meant to be about that at all. This post was about a radio episode where they started by both apologizing because they were hungover and not at their best, and then absolutely killed it for an hour and a half. So many parts that made me laugh too hard to be at work. I've said before that John Robins is quite quick normally and "Lee Mack quick" on a really good day, and this was the latter. Solid riffs. Classic arguments. A made-up game with regional accents and yelling at each other. What more could we want?

I said recently that the dynamic from the beginning of their radio show, John's the better comedian but Elis is more successful, is a gap that I think closes because John wins a massive award and gets some more work and Elis' major TV sitcoms end and I'm not sure how much else he gets. At this point, however, I'm less sure of that. John's had his award for some time and done a big tour off it but the gap does still seem to be there, as every single thing John Robins does gets plugged repeatedly on the radio show, while Elis clearly has enough on his plate so that every once in a while he'll just off-handedly mention some shit he's doing on Welsh TV that's common enough so he doesn't need to make a big deal of it every time. He's got a football podcast with some actual players that seems like a pretty big thing, though it's hard to tell how big because John yells at him for promoting the competition if he talks about it. Though John is about to host a (probably terrible, I'm guessing, though I've not seen it yet) TV panel show, which is definitely big. And I do think wherever they were in relation to each other in 2023, the Taskmaster bump is a big enough thing so that John's got to be pulling ahead now.

Anyway, that episode 220 has a bit that really calls attention to that, because they announce that they've both intentionally kept secret some recent part of their life to tell each other live on air, and John goes first and his story is that he got a speeding ticket and then did a remedial driving class, and Elis' story is that his football podcast has been nominated for an international award in New York. Which was a really funny contrast. And John took way too long to congratulate him, which is such a relatable flaw. In my thirties, I have to constantly remind myself that it isn't like when we were younger and our friends do successful things and we just immediately make fun of them for it, now we're older and their successes are genuinely important life things and we have to remember to sincerely say congratulations and not be a dick about it. A thing that I've had tested several times in the last few months specifically as my roommate keeps getting chosen for Team Canada coaching positions and I have been genuinely working hard to remember to say "Wow well done on the hard work" before I start saying "Oh cool you get to go work with that council of terrible people we've hated for 15 years" and then make jokes about how terrible the people are. Congratulations first, then jokes. And if they hadn't made such a thing about keeping it a secret until they were on air, I'd have assumed that John did the congratulations privately and is now just doing jokes on air, as is appropriate for a comedy show. But because it was his first time hearing it, the longer he went without saying "well done" the worse it sounded, and he went way too long. He said the words "This is like finding out your husband’s affair’s been nominated for best relationship" before he said "Well done." Then Producer Vin pointedly said "Well done Elis" like a parent saying "Thank you" to get a kid to realize they should also say that, and then he muttered "Well done" as well. It was a genuine moment of being a bad friend and it made me laugh so hard that I had to cover my mouth so my co-workers in the break room (because I work with people who can somehow get through a whole morning and still be up for socializing rather than barricading themselves in an empty room during the break) wouldn't hear me. It was so funny. Bitter snippy John Robins is really funny. Elis James deserves a Chortle Award for patience, but bitter snippy John Robins is really funny.

Oh, there were also several links worth of discussion about whether Jon Richardson is a dick and how annoying it is to have your ex-flatmates on panel shows where they get asked to tell embarassing stories about you, which was also very funny. Very good episode. They should broadcast hungover more often. Obviously not really, it's a very good thing that an alcoholic has quit drinking. I should say, I hope there are more episodes in the past where they're broadcasting hungover but also fairly giddy and in a basically bad but excitable mood. It's very funny.

[tame-a-messenger]

My theory for why damangela haven’t been in videos is that they might be putting Damien in as a substitute for whenever Angela isn’t in. Because it’s kind of crazy how, every single time that damien’s been in a video recently, has been the times that Angela’s not in the videos.

Damien’s been very busy with voice acting work which is why he hasn’t been in a lot of videos in general, but that doesn’t explain how damangela have been in NO videos together in a month. I think it might be that every time that Damien is available to film, when they add him to the schedule thingy, they might just put him in place of Angela. Because Angela’s been in a lot of videos (she’s kind of like the new 2018 Shayne), almost constantly in videos. which awesome for us but also very tiring for her probably. So they might just put him in her place cause they’re like “Where should we put Damien? Hmmm well Angela’s been in a lot of videos so maybe we let her sit out this one and just put Damien in instead” x100

This could be why.

I can see if you've got someone that's really available (Angela) that's down to do a lot of shoots, (plus the fans really fucking love her, you'd want her in as many videos as possible) but need you to give her some breaks you put in the guy who's not as available (Damien) in any shooting slots she's not in? I suppose that could be it?

I'm hoping we're pretty much done with this shoot block. This no Damangela shit is no Bueno.

(Damien recently hung out with Courtney so I'M BEGGING that means he was in more videos this shoot block, hopefully WITH Angela

(I'm (delusional) but can you blame me?? IT'S BEEN MORE THAN A MONTH NOW.......)

[orjange]

sheepish

Rating: General Audiences Category: M/M Fandom: Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia Ships: Lukas/Python Characters: Lukas, Python Tags: / Words: 1,315 No additional warnings.

From 2018. short fic with mostly dialogue! there are some inconsistencies im not entirely happy with but i dont feel like fixing them since its so old

Summary:

Lukas realizes that maybe he had been striding the false path to love all this time. It was time for change.

They stop next to an old willow tree, as they'd agreed on just a few moments ago. Darkness had engulfed the sky, only letting through the soft shine of stars. In the distance there was chattering, the sound of carafe meeting carafe cheerfully and the flickering glow of torches. The fest Lukas and Python just left.

"So, Lukas…" Python breaks the silence suddenly. "What's so important?" The question lingers in the air a little. Lukas closes his eyes, the gears in his brain are overworking themselves. He is at a loss. He'd asked the other to come with him, to talk to him, but now he could not put his thoughts into words. Talking about whatever went on in his heart was new ground for him after all. It was not something to be taken lightly. Lukas takes a deep breath, his eyes open again, fixated on some spot on Python's face - just not his eyes. "I don't think I will ever come around."

Python looks at him, confusion written all over his face. It takes him a moment to understand. "Oh." He says. "Well, don't let it bother you. You'll find a girl eventually, we can't all be married at 25 or so." "No." Lukas shakes his head. "I don't think that will happen." "Eh? You ought to be more specific there, Lukas. I'm no mage, I can't read minds." "…I don't think women are for me, really." Lukas feels his knees give in a little. So unlike him. "So, like…" Python frowns, deep in thought. "You mean… Men are more, uhm, your objects of desire..?" Though his words almost feel like a jape, neither of them laugh. "I don't know, I mean - I haven't given it much thought." He had given it thought, to some degree. Ever since he met Python in fact. "If that were the case. If I felt attraction towards men…-" Python placed his right hand on one of Lukas' shoulders, a smile adorning his tired face. "Not like you'd be the only one." "I know that, Python. If it were any other way, I wouldn't be having this conversation with you, I don't think." "Ouch! And here I was giving my best trying to hide it…" "As Forsyth might put it, your best is only as little effort as possible." Lukas says with a grin and they both laugh, clearing the subtle tension in the air. Lukas can relax again now, at least a little. He still isn't used to how freeing it can be to talk to someone about whatever is bothering him.

Python lets out a big yawn. "How long were you holding that one in." Lukas asks, his everlasting smile back on. Python laughs tiredly. "Feels like an eternity."

In the distance, the sun is slowly lifting its head above the horizon, illuminating both of them. Lukas takes in the view a little, then looks over to the others and sighs. "The sun is already rising and they are still at it… I leave them for a bit and with me does their common sense, apparently." "Oh come on, you think they would've listened to you if you'd told them to stop? Drunk as they are?" "This may come as a surprise but I'm told I can appear quite threatening." Another sigh. "Oh, it was a mistake of me to allow mere children to drink. I should have intervened…" "Ack, Lukas, don't blame yourself for their decisions as if you are their father. They were an unruly bunch to begin with." "Hm…" "Also I am wracking my brain trying to see how you could ever appear threatening to anyone. Cold, sure, but you're tiny-" "I don't see what my size has to do with this." "I'm just saying." Python grins. "To me you are as threatening as a sheep in sheep's clothing." He adds, and pats Lukas head lightly. "Is that supposed to be a compliment…?" Lukas raises a brow, unsure what to make of this. "Sure."

"How. And why a sheep?" "Huh? Because of that saying, you know, a wolf in sheep's clothing!" "A 'sheep in sheep's clothing' is quite nonsensical." Lukas feels that it implies that he wears his heart on his sleeve, instead of keeping it locked up. It doesn't sit right. "Agh." Python narrows his eyes. The light of the rising sun is dancing on his blue hair and fair skin, Lukas can make out subtle freckles on Python's cheeks- "Does it matter? Sheep are cute." Lukas averts his eyes. "You're right. Sheep are cute." He wants to ask what Python thinks of him, but doubt gnaws at him. He fears rejection, he realizes suddenly.

Python turns to Lukas. "Have you ever touched a sheep's wool? As it was still on the sheep, I mean." "I don't think I have." "It's not soft as you might expect." Python says and absentmindedly runs his hand through Lukas' hair. "It feels rough, and it stinks… Unlike your hair." He is playing with one of Lukas' curls now. Lukas stands there, frozen. He can feel heat rushing to his face and he fears he was about to turn as red as his hair. He was ready to bury himself.

"Hey…" Python notices Lukas' reddening face immediately. His hand brushes against Lukas' right cheek. "…You're burning up, Lukas. Caught a sickness? That's no good." Lukas curses the sun for rising. Anyway, either Python was as dense as a brick wall or he was only pretending to be - it didn't matter. This was killing Lukas. "You look like a tomato, you know." Python pinches Lukas' cheek. "Ripe and ready for plucking." A snicker.

"You're challenging my patience, Python." Lukas struggles to keep his composure. Python apologetically takes a step back. "My bad, my bad." "…And I'm perfectly fine, just feeling a bit cold." Lukas manages to smile but it must seem awfully fake. If Python noticed, he didn’t mention it. "Let's go back then." Python points to where the others had started singing songs now, unbothered by the world. "Not yet." Lukas faces the horizon again, the sun is now further up and stronger sunlight falls onto both of them. The warmth of that light mixed with the icy breeze from the hills which makes the leaves on the willow tree rustle in calm waves is a sensation Lukas can't quite describe. He shivers a bit and looks over to Python who, Lukas realizes with a slight stinging sensation in his chest, is clearly staring at him. He wishes he had the ability to make some snide remark but instead he averts his eyes again quickly. This, an emotion he couldn't put into words, made him feel like an unknowing teen, and unbelievably foolish.

Without any warning, Python throws his right arm around Lukas. He's warm. Lukas almost falls from shock. He stares at Python, confused. "I can't let you freeze to death here just because the sunrise is so beautiful, you know. I think we'd all be pretty lost without you." Lukas smiles. "Maybe I should opt for long sleeved armor next time." "…Let's hope there won't be a next time." "Of course. I was speaking hypothetically."

Lukas allows himself to lean into Python, lost in thought. "You're a bit like a wolf." He says then. The other laughs. "Not a python?" "Of course not." Lukas frowns. "As majestic as they may be, pythons and you don't have much in common." Python hums. “Why a wolf then?”

Lukas thinks about this for a moment. “I haven’t given that much thought. I only realized it just now.”

“I kind of understand.”

“…You do?”

“It’s because of my handsome good looks.”

Lukas closes his eyes. “…Sure.”

Python laughs and pulls the other closer.

If he could only fall in love with men, he would be alone til death, is what Lukas had thought.

Now, he isn’t so sure.

[revilleaj]

Art update & 3D Robodi model images

It has been quite a while since I've last really done anything online. I've been heavily burned out and tired constantly since at least December or so (I have done drawings in months prior, but I have never posted them publically). I still do not have a new computer, even though I have enough money (about £1k) to buy the parts or even an entire computer, but there are other factors in life that need more attention being put towards right now.

I'm still in the midst of trying to get a job (damn required experience and driving license listings!), and drawing right now is bottom priority. It feels like a chore and it's not fun when I have rusted from not drawing in so long (making so many mistakes really sets off my anger problems). I really do not like being pressured into trying to do things, and I have been experimenting with 3D, but only to an extent.

So, with that said, I am going to put making newer drawings on hold for an indefinite amount of time until I feel motivated enough to draw. I'm not done with art entirely and I never will be, but I think I really shouldn't pressure myself as if art is some kind of requirement in life. I've been also having drawing tablet issues, and I noticed there's a small crack in my Huion that I haven't been able to use almost ever since I had it (thankfully the thing still works, and the crack is near the top, only half getting on the drawing area).

I may also finally add some images to my empty DeviantArt account. As much as I do not like that website nor its community, I think it would work if I just put my favorite drawings I've worked on there, specifically ones up until the end of 2023. All of the really old and weaker art (mostly from 2018 and 2020, and anything from 2017) I won't be reposting, as they no longer reflect me, and have not done so for a very long time.

-----

Now, for the second topic of this post, and in a much better light; the 3D Robodi model. I'm sure I've talked about this years ago on Twitter. Back in 2020, when I was still in my first year of university, I worked on a 3D model of one of my characters named Robodi, using Cinema 4D. It was never finished, but I did learn quite a bit when working on it. Here's some newer screenshots of him, now that I've managed to pick back up an older version of C4D (I do not like the 2022 UI layout change):

This is the last version of the model to not be animated, from May 2020. The image is rendered using the Sketch & Toon shader with the Standard renderer. A few options were altered to remove unnecessary outlines.

The model in the renderer itself; right is the objects list, bottom are the materials (vertex colors and textures, some with C4D specific features).

The last ever version of this specific model from September 2021, with the FOV heavily reduced to improve the depth. A single black thin cube was added between the eyes to create a fake extra outline. A bit of a hacky effect; I did not know how to do inverted normals, in fact I don't think I knew that was how most computer games handled outlines.

The very first saved version of the model, in Cinema 4D's editor, made earlier in May 2020. The pieces have default names and are not parented, some materials are not added yet, and the shapes are noticeably bigger, especially the base of the head and the torso.

I once experimented with "realistic" materials and shading (including the dreadfully slow Global Illumination), which doesn't make the most sense for a cartoon character. Here you can see the unit plate on the back of his head, which I don't think I have ever shown before. The camera may look close here, but it's actually extremely far away with a very low FOV (dubbed Super-Telescope). Some textures are no longer in the project files, so this looks slightly off from how it did back in 2020.

In October 2021, I went back to the older May 2020 model and decided to try and remake it. I realized that using one mesh and extruding it works a lot better with the Sketch & Toon shader, as it does not create unnecessary outlines when the default shader options are left the way they are. The lines in the middle of the eyes and nose are from the shader, rather than a black material cube. Of course, it would be more wise to just duplicate each mesh, enlarge them and invert the normals while applying a pitch black texture to them. I abandoned the model shortly after the progress I made here, and I am not sure why. Maybe I was burned out and lost interest.

I should probably try to attempt making a 3D model of him again and some others, now that I know a lot more than I did nearly 4 years ago (yeah, can you believe it has also been nearly 6 years since my Reville character was created? Robodi was first created in mid-2019; almost 5 years ago! Good things take time and care). It will be a difficult task, but I'll make sure to export whatever I make to a .FBX model, so that it doesn't get lost to C4D licensing Hell. Hopefully, that would make the models work in Blender and such (the materials will have to be baked into textures however, instead of being separate C4D ones. At least .FBX doesn't use an external material file unlike .OBJ, which I and others have had issues with). Maybe I could use them for rotoscoping or somethin'.

Here's hoping to me eventually finding motivation, losing my tiredness, and getting a job with stable income alongside continuing to work on my passion projects, no matter how much time has past since the day I first thought of them. I want to keep doing things, not resting in bed most of my days. Too bad winter is freezing cold where I live, and I suffer from mild hypothermia...

[cosmojjong]

alright, I gotta know. please explain to me all the ways cube has tried to ruin pentagon. I don't want to live ignorantly, thinking they're just another incompetent company (bc honestly find me a GOOD entertainment agency that treats all their artists fairly, protects them, promotes them regularly, loves them and feeds them 3 square meals a day. doesn't exist.)

you're very right, there's no company like that, and it's a shame even to this day.

and, well, let's see. i'm a bit tired so i'm going with things off the top of my head. i feel like the company has just... very blatantly threatened them different times behind the scenes. especially judging by some words the members have shared. it's always felt like they kind of made pentagon feel like THEY were lacking. like THEY needed to do something to prove themselves. it's sad because the boys have been trying so hard all these years but they can only do so much with such a shitty promotion. first instance i can think of is when the demo eps were released. it all felt rushed (they were released too close to each other) and it was such a pity because demo_01 was the ep that gave them their self-produced title. i don't even know what the company was trying to do, people barely had the time to digest those songs that we got another ep. so like

1) their almost non-existent or badly handed promotion. i swear they just don't seem to know how to cherish and properly promote such a gem group like pentagon. it's so bad.

2) i feel like, over time, the opportunities to show what they're capable of that they were given were just not the right ones. sure, we got some nice content but cube literally do nothing to highlight their entire vocal line. everything that the public could perceive was because of their stage presence. every new fan that got into them, it was thanks to the group. the success and the appreciation of songs, it was thanks to their authenticity while making music. i genuinely believe the group owns maybe 20% (and i'm being kind here) of their success to that agency. being so vocally based they don't have much singing content people can go through, except for magazineho and those hardly updated cover playlists. they could give changgu the space to do covers but do they? no. i think some time in the past he implied that he wanted to upload more songs but that he wasn't allowed to. to be honest i think the company also has favoritisms towards certain members, but it may be just me. and i don't like how they may be pitted against one another (see: pentagon maker) when they love each other so much.

3) shine. before it got released ptg were most likely told that the song had to do well, otherwise they would've been disbanded. hui said shine was a blessing, the reason why pentagon could survive. it got progressively worse with idle debuting (and it's funny how their fans say that ptg are cube's favorites *giggles in i want to be that delusional*)

4) when the summer 2018 mess happened, their fancafe was a mess. kpop fans were spamming the general board with anything and everything. the company knew it and still kept it open for a good 3 to 4+ months. i remember this because they suddenly changed the rules, locked this and that, and i got demoted as well. many of us got demoted for doing nothing. their disorganization never fails to amaze me. so, anyways, there is no way cube didn't know about the rumors that were being made up about them. hell, they even used hui as the scapegoat. shinwon, jinho and hongseok were heavily targeted and the company just did nothing. they were bullied into not leaving the dorms. no lawsuit, no notice, no protection. had a shit ton of schedules to attend and to deal with.

5) all the hiatuses they put yanan through. and for what? yanan could understandbly leave for health reasons but at times it's felt like they were just punishing the guy for doing so. one time it was a miscommunication between the labels, but keeping him away for months to years? like are we serious? there are people who have never seen him with pentagon, and people who got to see him with them after more than a year. the formation changes are so bad too. people are never gonna memorize who's who if the company decides to 'oh yea you go to japan for three months bye' or 'you're staying in china for a year and no one will get an official notice cause we don't care' approximately every two months.

6) rtk. what the hell was that. i hate when ptg have anything to do with mnet to begin with. they were put on this show that just sucked the life out of them, where mnet just used them for clickbait and very obviously rigged it although it was clear they should've won. jinho had to enlist in a hurry, hui was only months away from enlisting and spent sleepless nights arranging songs for like three different projects. they were completely out of it. shinwon even said that at some point hyunggu was so exhausted and mentally worn out that it was impossible for them to talk to him. they even said they were in and out of the hospital because of body pains. still, the company kept them going until the end, even through pain and tears.

7) shall i add bad budgeting. like seriously i'd like to speak to a nevie and understand why they think ptg gets their group's money. have they seen some of ptg's packaging and some of the props for their photoshoots or mvs? my thumbs up album is literally one step away from falling apart because the material is just not good.

please know i don't like talking of such things as i don't want to sound like i am victimizing them. ptg are fun, charismatic, bright, cheerful, full-of-love people. they never ever complain and that's what stings. i'm just so done with the bad things they've had to endure. the boys have always acted like it's sunshine and rainbows and we've all have tried hard to see the good things in everything. we do even nowadays, but there's still a dark side to it.

i'm sure there must have been other instances of ptg being told that they could be disbanded if said thing doesn't sell well (which btw is ridiculous because pentagon have been outselling themselves every comeback). shall i remember anything i'll say it later on, i think i talked a lot for now, i'm so sorry. all i can do is hope that 2023 is REALLY their breakthrough year because i cannot see them in pain anymore. it just doesn't feel fair and i want them to be happy.

[fashournalist]

Celebrating Small Wins: Reflections on the First Five Years of my Career

Time flies indeed. As of last Sunday, it's been exactly five years since my "first day in the real world." I know I still have a long way to go, and so much to learn, but I want to appreciate the progress I've made in the past five years.

I've had several part-time jobs back in college but it was on August 20, 2018 when I first reported to work full-time. I was a Media Writer (aka Broadcast Monitor) at Asia's leading media intelligence company, Isentia. Whenever I reached the office, I texted my parents "Happy place na" to let them know I got safe.

I stayed for two years before I got laid off, which triggered feelings that led to this article. (And an open letter to my colleagues/friends on my personal blog)

Looking back, I will always be grateful for my time as a Media Writer. It wasn't easy, I spent countless hours beyond my shift because I wanted to give my best in each of the 41283 summaries I've done for two years.

For five months, I commuted from Los Banos, Laguna to Ortigas everyday, and vice versa, before we were finally able to rent a 5 sqm room in Manila. That was the only room we could afford back then.

There were struggles and days when I wanted to give up. But I've also grown a lot, gained meaningful friendships, strengthened my faith in the Lord, and developed my work ethic.

It was worth it.

I remember often feeling so drained and tired on my way home, but I still looked forward to the next day so I could do my job again. I love learning new things everyday, and this job gave me that opportunity.

If there was one word that would describe my work ethic, that would be Passion. I always put passion and love in every task that I did.

More than a year later, I'm astonished that Isentia has recognized that passion. My teammate and friend Morris Manalaysay nominated me for the Isentia Awards Q1 recognition (without me knowing) and on Nov 21 2019, I was Manila's Isentia Awards Q1 winner alongside colleagues from different countries. That was my first career milestone.

I was so happy Momi got to see this day before she went to heaven. She was so proud, and I'm grateful I got to tell her it's all because of her and Dad that I get to survive each day and reach these milestones. All that I am and all that I ever will be, I owe it to them.

Isentia has been very supportive during my Mom's fight with cancer and raised funds for her, too. When Momi died in 2020, they also supported me in my grieving. I took a break and they only asked me to go back when I was ready.

When I was laid off, my separation anxiety was so strong, especially since I've been close with my batchmates and team friends as if we were high school classmates. (I'm glad we're friends until today even when we're in different companies already.)

Good journeys come to an end, too, for new and better chapters to unfold.

Chapter II

Getting laid off was bittersweet. I said goodbye to a job that I loved but it also led to better opportunities. I've been a Content Writer at Sevron Safety Solutions, worked on various projects for over a year. I got to do things I never tried before and wrote almost everything from blogs, social media posts, courses for The Knights of Safety™️, email campaigns, assessment tests for applicants, pillar pages, cluster pages, technical documents, and more. But my favorite task of all was writing the life stories of my colleagues, which was compiled into an internal book. As a storyteller, creative nonfiction is my favorite form of writing.

I'm also grateful we always aimed to change the world and save lives in each task. This meant a lot to me because I value meaningful work. Dale Allen was possibly the most passionate CEO/founder I've ever worked for. We had a therapist and life coach, too, Markos Yiannis, who had been so helpful in addressing our concerns, whether it's personal or work-related.

But one day, I was included in the layoffs again.

Chapter III

And that was when the plot twist happened. I returned to Isentia! This time, I was reporting to Isentia Singapore. Thanks to Ms Lady Ochel Espinosa, Regional Insights Director for Emerging Markets in Southeast Asia for encouraging me to apply for the role of Senior Insights Analyst in 2021. It was my dream job since 2018. I applied for the role of Insights Analyst in 2020, but I didn't get in. When I got laid off that year, Ms Ochel invited me to apply again, but I was already hired at Sevron. It was my "the one that got away". I'm grateful I got to pursue it in 2022. My favorite task was being part of our PH Elections white paper which was featured by media outlets. My favorite SG client was AIC.

However, I later on realized that as much as this was a truly great opportunity with so much learning and growth, what I really wanted to do was content writing instead of media analysis. I'll always be grateful I reached my dream of being a Senior Insights Analyst, but I realized it wasn't for me.

So after a year, for the first time, I resigned.

I love the company. I love the team. But I had to go. And find my passion.

But no matter where my career takes me, Isentia will always have a special place in my heart.

Chapter IV:

I applied to several Writer job openings. There was this one opening for Content Writer, but during the interview, they said the role was actually article moderation. Then I went through three challenging interviews and thankfully, I passed as an Article Moderator at iOPEX Technologies. Three months later, I became a Senior Article Moderator. And in my sixth month, I was recognized as the Top Overall Performer and agent with Top Attendance.

As much as it's fulfilling to be recognized for having good performance, I'm just as grateful for maintaining a good attendance. I have five rides to the office every day, encounter some floods along the way when it's raining, commute as early as 12AM, 3AM, 4AM, or 10PM depending on our shift, and so far, I've never been late yet since I started in February 🥹 I'm not saying I'll never be late, although that's the goal, but I just feel grateful and lucky that I was never late yet. Grateful, because everyday is a struggle, but I'm surviving it through God's grace. Lucky, because I know there are things outside our control that make tardiness inevitable and valid sometimes, but so far those things haven't affected me yet. So thank you po, Lord.

I believe in celebrating small wins just as we treasure huge milestones, and each time we report to work, each time we punch out after a long tiring day, each hour that we meet our quota, those are daily wins worth celebrating.

I'm glad to be back in the world of news, just like in my first job. From monitoring to moderating :)

There may be struggles and challenges, but I appreciate the job and the team. Very blessed to work with proactive teammates who happen to be good friends as well. (By the way, we are hiring! Let me know if you want to apply haha I doubt if anyone will read this lengthy story time but just in case, I'm putting this out here).

I was looking for Content Writing, but I found something else. And I enjoy it.

I realized, my adviser was right. it's okay to be open to new opportunities other than my passions. I shouldn't limit myself to writing.

What they say is true: you'll never know until you try. (I'm still writing everyday now, though, but in my journal or my verbose Instagram stories which are literally stories because of their long captions 🤣)

I'm grateful for each job I've had and currently have. My Dad and I were also able to transfer to a much better, bigger apartment unit (about 21 sqm?) since October 18, 2020. Thanks to the severance pay from Isentia 😅 Indeed, "All things work together for the good of those who love God." (Romans 8:28)

There are plenty of dreams that are yet to be fulfilled, but for now, I want to cherish the fact that I'm already living what I only once dreamt of.

I may not have been (or not yet?) a startup founder and CEO, or UNHRC/UNCHR diplomat, or New York Times bestselling author, or Miss Universe (😅) just like my younger self dreamt of, but I'm still thankful for the progress I've made. It's not much, but to my younger self, this is already a miracle. Sometimes imposter syndrome hits me, but I fight it by appreciating my hard work.

I look back at my first job, the struggle of commuting from LB to Ortigas each day, the struggle of squeezing ourselves in a 5 sqm room, the struggle of making ends meet, and I just feel so blessed to be where I am now. We haven't reached financial freedom yet but little by little, we're on our way.

To my future self, I don't know where you'll be, but I hope I've made you proud as well.

At the end of the day, all wins, big and small, are because of God's grace. His faithfulness carries me through every single day. As always, without Him, I can do nothing.

To everyone who's been part of this journey, thank you for the memories and lessons you've shared with me. And thank you for the moments we have yet to share.

To Momi, how I wish you're still here to celebrate our small and big wins but I know you're watching over us everyday. I'll do my best to keep making you proud up there. 🥹

To Apa, Dad, I'm so glad you're here with me. All that I accomplish each day is a result of how much you believe in me. I have many dreams in life but my greatest dream is to see you live up to 104 years old.

Thank you Lord Jesus for sustaining me in the first five years of my career. I surrender to You the bigger picture and the little details that make up each day.

Here's to the journey that lies ahead and to the growth that awaits ❤️

(PS. If you've read this far, message me an emoji. I just want to conduct an experiment char haha I'm just curious who was patient enough to read all this but I doubt if anyone will read this all 🤣. It's okay though. I had fun releasing this out of my chest 🥹)

[claymorexpunisher]

Poppin the Question (Ch. 3/10)(Werewolf!The Shield) (18+ Ship Fic) (Repost)

(Not my gif)

Summary: Jon and Seth have a proposition for Roman. One that throws him in for a loop … (this fic was first posted in 2018. I can’t believe.) Tags: 18+, M/M, smut, fluff, angst, angst with a happy ending, hair-pulling, hair kink, Daddy kink, name-calling. Word Count: 17,916

It's been weeks since Roman so much as looked at the boys in the eye, let alone spoken to them unless he had to. He wanted to though. He swore to himself that today would be that day, yet..3 weeks later and there he still was. Avoiding them like the plague.

The boys were incredibly torn up about it, obviously. Mainly Jon. He was even ignoring Seth, which of course Seth wasn't happy about at all. It wasn't his fault that Roman walked out on them without a word. Jon was the one to put his foot in his own mouth, in a way that only Jon could. Seth wasn't proud of it but, he gave Jon an earful as soon as he got the chance.

''Look, man..'' Seth implored.

''It's a full moon tonight. You know he'll be out for a run most likely. If not at the gym to blow off some steam. Why don't you join him and talk?'' Seth asked. He tried his best not to shrink back under Jon’s glare as the ginger whirled around to look at him.

''Are you serious?'' Jon shook his head, chuckling dryly as the dark haired man nodded meekly.

''You gotta be shittin' me, dude..weren't you the one goin' off on me a while ago for tellin' him what was up and for wantin' to fix it?''

Seth stood almost nose to nose with the other man and held his hands out in a placating manner.

''I know. I know. I- I was wrong. Alright? I was wrong.'' Seth sighed deeply once again, having enough of this whole situation.

''He trusts you. Alright? He trusts you more than he's ever trusted me, or anyone else for that matter. So just..just talk to him. See what's up. You know it's like pullin' teeth with him sometimes, especially if he's going through something. But I know you of all people could get him to talk.'' Seth tried really hard not to flash some major puppy eyes at the taller male, but by the way Jon glared at him and rolled his neck in irritation, he knew he failed miserably.

''Fine. I'll talk to him. But if he doesn't budge, I'm not pushin'. Ya got that?''

Seth lifted his hands once again, and nodded in agreement.

''Yeah, I got it. Chill out.''

''Good.'' Jon nodded in as well, then went back to getting ready for that night's match.

After the match, Jon didn't waste any time in pulling Roman to the side, noting the dark circles under the Samoan's eyes. To put it bluntly, Roman looked like shit. And of course, Jon told him as much.

''Thanks, Moxley..'' Roman bit back sarcastically. 

Jon tried his damnest to reel back his incoming snarl caused by the sting of Roman calling him by his last name. He felt stupid for being upset by it but, Roman never did that. It was always either his birth given name, ''Mox’', or his personal favorite, ''babe''.

Jon knew he was being irrational. He knew he should be more sympathetic and more patient with Roman but, he couldn't help it.

He and Roman never went weeks without speaking. A few hours at the most. Jon kept a neutral expression as he stared into Romans' tired, chocolate brown eyes.

''Yeah, listen..you goin' out for a run tonight? S'full moon.'' As Jon scanned Romans' face, his heart sank that much more at the apprehension he saw in the otherwise easy going Samoan. 

Roman pinched the bridge of his nose, wanting to tell Jon to just drop the whole thing. But he knew in his heart that they needed to talk things over. He figured he had avoided this conversation long enough and it was time to man up and hash things out. He felt terrible for treating his boys..his family, his pack, the way that he has in the last 3 weeks.

''Yeah. Yeah, I know..'' Roman nodded, finally meeting Jon's eyes wearily.

Jon’s forehead creased as he felt a surge of anger course through him due to Romans' obvious avoidance of everything that had transpired in the last few weeks.

Rolling his neck languidly, he did his best to morph his features into something more casual as he waited for Romans' answer.

''You know what? Forget I asked. S'alrigh, man.'' Taking Romans' hesitation as more indifference, Jon turned to leave the venue for the night, until he was stopped by Romans' hand on his bicep.

''Mox, wait.'' Roman begged softly.

''What.'' Jon asked snarkily. He wasn't the type to beat around the bush. And definitely not with Roman. That much was clear from the second they met, and Jon wasn't about to start now. That was one of the reasons they got along so well. He was sick and tired of the three of them walking on eggshells around one another. It wasn't like them at all.

''Lets go out for a run tonight. And talk.'' Roman searched Jon’s face, hoping he didn't screw up his chance to make things right. To his relief, Jon nodded in agreement.

''So..I'm drivin' tonight?'' Jon asked casually.

Roman chuckling fondly, clapping him on the shoulder.

''Alright, babe.''

''Good. Meet ya outside in a bit, then.'' Jon flashed the brown eyed man a small grin, then strolled past him to grab his stuff from his locker room, but not before he was stopped by Seth in the hallway.

''So? What'd he say?'' Seth questioned eagerly.

''We're goin' out for a run tonight. Don't worry. I'll get back to you with the dirty details later.''

With a lazy grin, Jon left it at that and continued on his trek to his locker room, leaving Seth chuckling and shaking his head fondly behind him.

''Have fun!'' Seth called out after Jon. He turned around in surprise after sensing a form standing behind him, only to find Roman standing there sporting an amused grin.

''You comin' too, Rollins?'' Roman asked.

All Seth could do was blink at Roman, feeling more than a little surprised at finally being spoken to, much less in a joking manner.

After a few seconds of Seth being comically silent, he shook his head almost as if to clear it. ''Uh yeah-yeah..ill be there.'' Seth nodded. Both men shared a soft chuckle as they heard Jon down the hall, howl in excitement. Roman grinned and clapped Seth on the shoulder, just as he had done to Jon earlier, then winked as he too went on his way to grab his stuff in order to head out with the boys for the night.

An hour later, the boys found themselves deep in the woods of whatever smallish town they were in that night.

''Don't go too far out, babe. We don't know these woods..'' Roman advised Jon while looking around the perimeter of the woods, his alpha senses in high alert, to which Jon rolled his eyes playfully. Roman couldn't help but chuckle as he caught sight of Jon's amped up grin and bright yellow eyes. It didn't take much for Jon to shift. Any little bit of excitement, and the excitable one of the trio gave in to his wolf instincts at the drop of a hat. It once even happened in the locker room, much to Seth, Roman and everyone in the roster's entertainment. It happened when Jon was told that WWE legend Mick Foley was going to give him his new prized possession, Barbie. The barbed wire covered bat that Mick carried with him throughout his career.

The scene wasn't pretty, and there was quite a bit of damage to the locker room due to Jon's excitement. But the boys haven't stopped poking fun at him about it ever since.

''Yes, Daddy.'' Jon quipped with a teasing grin gracing his lips.

Completely missing Romans' astonishment and without missing a beat, Jon shifted into a shaggy haired ginger wolf, and ran off into the woods. After a few seconds of shocked silence, Roman and Seth followed behind.

(Next Part)

[thenotificationmachine]

A Rant About the State of My Favourite Stories

I bet you're all wondering by now why I keep ranting about my annoyances over Helluva Boss instead of just talking about something else. First of all, I should definitely start doing that; there's no point dwelling on this painful abortion of a series/setting when I have other things to enjoy.

But secondly, I was so invested in Helluva - and hence so, so disappointed when it began to fail (both in terms of my expectations and its own continuity) - was because it was something NEW when so many of my interests have essentially stopped growing.

That's not to say they're dead - on the contrary, in many cases they're still alive and kicking - but there's no way I'm invested in what new stuff is being produced. I was really into Star Wars until I realised how badly Disney was destroying it with the "sequel" trilogy and all the horrible retcons, but at the very least I still have the movies, the Clone Wars and Rebels cartoons (yes, I actually liked Rebels) and - if absolutely necessary - the old, confusing but still somewhat interesting Legends continuity (aka the old Expanded Universe), even if it's way too messy for my liking.

Warhammer 40k has certainly become weird since the Gathering Storm, but since the staff at GW put out what essentially amounts to a license to ignore the Primaris marines, Votann and any other botched modern lore I dislike by saying that "everything is canon, but not everything is true", even if that wasn't their original intent, I'll happily take it. And then there's the Horus Heresy if things get REALLY bad.

Doctor Who has certainly declined HORRIBLY since Chinballs took over and politicised everything while destroying the Doctor's backstory, but at the very least I can just ignore everything that came out from 2018 onwards.

And as for the Lord of the Rings (and the rest of Tolkien's legendarium), it was always a static work once Tolkien and his son passed away and so any bad adaptations mean even less than they do in any other context since I can just go back to the books (and Peter Jackson's movies, since they're great).

But all the same, I can't look forward to any new things coming out of the above fandoms besides fan works (except Warhammer) and have to rely on the old stuff otherwise. Not exactly the most ideal situation for a fan of something. So Helluva, which was something entirely new, was genuinely exciting with its worldbuilding and captivating characters (especially a certain pink succubus). This made it all the more painful when it began falling apart since there was no extensive mine of past material for me to fall back on and since the story direction and characterisation has (in my opinion) begun falling apart so (relatively) early in, it will always feel... incomplete to me and I can only rely on my own headcanons and fan materials, which don't feel the same as the canon, botched as it is. Combine that with me being tired of losing most of my interest interest in almost all of my former fandoms and the fact that my favourite character, the only one I've truly managed to make a connection with, is a side character that has way more potential than screen time than Viv is willing to give her, feels genuinely heartbreaking to me. Melodramatic, I know, but that's how it feels to me.

Alright, now that I've said my piece, I'll get back to enjoying the remaining fandoms I have and try to stick to Helluva through the fandom side of things. Who knows, I might even try to tell my own versions of the story someday - I doubt I could do as badly as Viv, anyway. And at least I have video games to enjoy; Metroid and Zelda still have expanding storylines that I don't have to ignore!

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

I'm kind of bitter about jungkook being singled out for the world cup with a possible solo song because he's conventionally Man and Het and the one people expect to like and enjoy football when that's always been jimin, who's also the best player too as far as we saw. But of course jimin has not been considered because he doesn't fit the mold. And I'm tired of jimin not being seen as a man enough, of being treated like lesser then, have the famous women treatment and insults thrown at him from everywhere. It's not fair

I wouldn't say I'm bitter, but it's more of the feeling like when you were expecting something and get something else lol. Pretty much the same as I felt when it was announced that With You would be a duet; I thought it was Jimin's solo but then it didn't turn out that way and I wasn't upset but there was that feeling of having to get used to something different than what you were expecting. I kind of feel the same way about the world cup thing because it was said at first that BTS would do the song, and obviously we all thought that it would be the whole group.

Now, Jungkook has always been BTS brand, if there's one way bighit could summarize BTS as a brand, it would be JK. He's quintessentially theee idol from his singing and dancing to his looks to the way he interacts with fans, it doesn't get any more idol. That's objective facts, and it's there whether anyone acknowledges it or not, maybe you don't like him as a person or whatever, but he is talented, that's what I mean by objective facts. And like you said, which is something I 100000% agree with, he's objectively Het and Man and commercially easier to digest than other members. Some people would even tell you he doesn't "look too Korean". Even if he turns out not straight, even then, his gender expression is not blaring any sirens and none of us actually know anything about his love life. So he's conventionally het, masculine, singer, dancer, attractive and hot, evasive enough to keep people interested but not actually telling, that's literally idol 101.

On top of that, he also has a lot of subjective elements "projected" (for lack of a better word) onto him, like he's the baby of the group, everyone loves a Jungkook ship, people see themselves in him because they see him as awkward, shy, gay, introverted, etc. Some people even think he's neurodivergent (which is a tremendous stretch). Idols kind of need to be a blank slate where people can see themselves reflected.

I've talked before about when there were news in 2018 that JK had bought his own apartment and bighit immediately put out a statement about how they "couldn't confirm". That was November 2018 and before that we already knew Taehyung, Yoongi, Jin, Hoseok had bought their own apartments and there were no statements about them but with Jungkook suddenly there was. This was when they were still "living together" on record, so I remember thinking they couldn't say the youngest had left home because then what happens to the happy family story? Mind you, late 2018 was the year almost everyone got their own homes and by 2019 they were already arriving to airports and schedules on very obvious designed sets that made sense with their known addresses (Hoseok+JK, Jin+Yoongi, Taehyung alone, sometimes with Namjoon, Jimin alone or sometimes with Namjoon too).

I strongly believe he was chosen by the company to represent the group in Qatar because of everything mentioned above, and he will probably keep being selected as the "face" of the group to participate in events that the group was supposed to participate in. Namjoon also fits a lot of what I said about JK, adding to that his position as leader and that he speaks English so I think he will be chosen to "represent" the group in the same or similar ways.