#i'm sorry you guys send me asks and i write essays

[a-passing-storm]

5, 7, and 8 <333

AH! Thank you for the ask! :D I'm going to assume that it's for the trans ask game.

5 - What is your favourite part about being trans?

I like that I can more or less do whatever I want when it comes to my presentation and pronouns. I have a very, very long name list that's a little over 130 names. I have a few neopronoun sets. I also, in addition to my name list, have a list of epithets for myself. It's really fun! The epithets can come off as a little pretentious, but what I like about being trans is that I don't really take my gender too seriously. The Herald of Fall enjoys hoarding dice and making bad puns. It's silly. It's so fun and freeing to not be constrained to binary gender norms, but also just to other social norms, like... I dunno not having epithets for yourself.

7 - What is a specific positive memory related to you being trans?

Shoutout to my freshman English teacher, I guess, and also my Latin teacher.

Freshman year was the first time I was out as trans at school, and I really had no clue what to expect from teachers regarding that. I didn't know if they would be respectful of my pronouns or name, if they'd be dismissive of me, or if they'd be receptive—and to what extent. Should I expect my teachers to accommodate my changing pronoun sets?

Cut to my English teacher! The first day of school, along with all the standard Getting To Know New Students questions on a Google Form, he asked us about our pronouns and preferred name. Most of my teachers asked about pronouns to some extent, I think, but after class, since I had put something along the lines of "he/they, but it switches around," my teacher asked me specifically if he should alternate between pronouns, pick a set to use for a day, etc.. I told him that I was genderfluid, and my preferred pronouns switched around kind of arbitrarily. I was probably a little apologetic about it, like "oh you can just pick a set I know switching pronouns can be a hassle" or something like that, but my English teacher told me that I could just let him know when it changed, and it wasn't a hassle at all.

I guess on the Where The World Ideally Should Be spectrum, it wasn't a big deal, but it really helped set the tone for my expectations from teachers. I got that, hey, this guy was respectful of my pronouns, so all of my other teachers can and should be, too. And I'm still really appreciative that he went out of his way to make sure he was using the best pronoun set for me at any given time.

I actually mentioned how impactful that whole experience was for me at the end of the year, and he said that he still remembered one time on the first day of school that he used the wrong name for me and he still felt bad about it. To be honest, this still amuses me to this day. Usually, the axe forgets but the tree remembers and all that, but I genuinely had no recollection of it (also it was the first day of school he was probably going off the attendance sheet) and I think it's a little funny that he did.

I feel like that's a very long story, so I shan't go into the Latin teacher stories too much, but I will say that I only had that English teacher for one semester, and I've had my Latin teacher for four. I have so many cool stories from my Latin teacher being ally as hell.

8 - What is something you wish to tell cis people about being trans (in general or specific to you)?

HAVE FUN WITH YOUR GENDER!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE TRANS TO CHANGE YOUR NAME!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE TRANS TO DRESS IN A GENDER NON CONFORMING WAY!!! DO YOU LIKE THAT DRESS, MR. DUDE??? WEAR IT!!! HAVE FUN WITH IT!!! I guess this doesn't strictly have to do with being trans, but it's something that I feel like cis people should be told, and I'm in a position to tell them, being trans and all.

[waterfallofspace]

💜🔐⭐️ for the ask game~

Hiii~ <333 (put a cut for the long answer haha~)

💜 describe yourself in five words or less!

I'll go for a little honestly, and say what I'd actually say: Anxious, Perfectionist(ish), Chaotic, and Loyal.

🔐 something no one would guess about you

That I'm adopted! I mean, I tell a lot of people, so it's not like a secret or anything, but I look just like my adoptive parents, so I've always had the choice if I wanna tell people or not, no one can just guess! (I've even had people comment on, "aww, you look just like your mom!" and we like to share a little laugh over that~)

⭐️ what is one of your biggest accomplishments? Why is it so important to you?

Honestly? I'd say starting this blog. For many many years I've been so anxious about this side of myself. Hating it, hating me, wondering why I was like this, and just generally feeling awful and ashamed.

Then one of my friends (who knows) talked me into making an email specifically for this type of thing so I could try to find communities to start engaging with. I was terrified, but I did make one and sign up for tumblr.

I didn't engage with anything for a solid year, until I found anime, and then found this amazing community. Then, despite intense anxiety about it, I started interacting! And thankfully, some of you amazing people found me and took me in. 💗

Loooooong winded answer, but basically, making this blog is one of my biggest accomplishments, and especially starting to create content and talk to all the insanely talented and friendly people on here <333

I'm still not completely over the shame, I think that'll take a little while, and by god I'm still so anxious about interactions on here, but you guys have made this one of the most important things in my life, 😭💗 and helped me start accepting parts of myself I didn't know I could~

[scumbagjaeger]

omg! I love the college major one! if you're still okay with requests, how would the guys be as a study partner ?

STUDYING WITH THE SNK MEN

starring: Eren, Jean, Armin, Connie, Porco, Reiner, Levi, Zeke

rating: mostly sfw! 18+

notes: Omg thank you!!! I'm always open for requests I'm just really slow with them lol. Since I was a history/english major, most of my homework in college was papers so I kind of framed these with them helping with a paper! I also love the idea of them pining for you a touch so some of these might be more geared around that, instead of an established relationship, but I think they're pretty versatile anyway haha. Enjoy!!(:

college majors

EREN:

It's rare for him to be seen actually doing school work

So when he sends you a text inviting you to do homework together, that's exactly what he's going to do, simple enough

He's probably extremely behind in like four classes oops

Eren prefers to study in the evenings, probably after hours in the library? So there's like no one there besides the other people way behind in their classes lol

I love basketball player Eren, so he's either wearing the same big hoodie and sweats that he wore during the day, or a clean shirt and shorts, wet hair from the post-practice showers, and maybe even his gym bag

If you have plans to meet in the usual spot, he'll have your favorite energy drink waiting for you when you get there

He'd probably be super nice to study with

After practice he's extremely chill, calm, asking about your day and what not while you pull out your laptop and papers

If you ask he'll tell you about how his practice went and what he's been up to, he's tired from a long day of school and what not but he's super comfortable around you, so it's just a nice vibe

He's a good listener, remembers the names of the professors you like and the guy you hate in your class

Once you're actually really to start studying he's extremely quiet, he lets you work in peace

Honestly the sounds of his keyboard is probably so comforting? The man is good with his fingers what can I say

You might catch him sneaking glances (or full on staring) at you here and there, bright green eyes poking up from behind his laptop screen

Lowkey he's looking for any reason to talk to you again

The second you acknowledge his gaze he'll start up a small conversation again

If you need his help he'll do the thing where he leans over you a touch

He definitely saw the pink on your ears when he did it the first time and now he will never not find an excuse to be that close to you lmaooo

If you're writing a paper, he'll read it after you're done and give you feedback, but he's not good at giving it??

"Yeah, seems good to me," or "I don't get this part", he doesn't really know how to explain it or provide specific advice about how to strengthen the analysis of your evidence lol sorry

Afterwards he might put a hand on your arm and ask "So... got any plans tonight?"

Lol it's like 1am but if you're down he might take you to get ice cream, or back to his place if you want to hang out there. If not he'll offer to drive you back to your apartment, he doesn't want you walking around late at night alone :)

JEAN:

He probably sucks to study with lmao so sorry

It's just hard to get him to stop talking and actually get work done?

Your conversations start to dwindle as you begin typing on your laptop and he just changes the topic

In his defense, you guys probably find time to study together either in between your classes or immediately after, so he's just kind of distracted with everything going on

He'll invite you to do homework together and he literally thinks it means work on your essay together and like write it together

And you'll have to explain that you can do your own paper while he studies and he's like "OH okay then"

But he'll offer to help you with it anyway, which would be really nice!!

He'll read the paper once to get a feel for it, almost scans through it which makes it seem intimidating but he's just a fast reader lol

He'll explain the paper back to you???? Like he'll tell you what he's got out of the paper, your thesis and your main points; if there's any general comments or miscommunications you guys can sort that out there, he helps you frame your paper better

Then he'll help you fine tune each paragraph and make sure the evidence and analysis is solid! He's probably the best with helping you with your papers because he's super supportive and patient

When you pause to ask for his input he'll smile and give you a nudge, "Hey, you've got this. I know it's tough but you're smart, you already know the content! (Y/N), you've got this, I believe in you"

And then he gets really pink in the face "Uh, yeah. So. Onto the next paragraph?"

Sometimes you will need to tell him to focus on his own work lol

Jean with glasses. That's it

If he's writing his own paper or reading one for class they're low on his nose

Looks like a model reading, holding the book in hold hand and barely dropping his gaze down to look at it

Writing notes that are indecipherable with his other hand lol

Jean reads aloud because it helps him focus and it's really cute okay

If you're stressed or you guys are in a public/busy setting he won't! He doesn't want to be distracting

But if he's comfortable with you you might hear him whispering quietly to himself

If you offer, he'll give you some context and ask you for your input about something he's stuck on!

Remembers when your papers are due and will ask you how you did on them a week or two later!

If you're frustrated about your grade or another upcoming paper he might send you a text before your weekly study session: "change of plans. wanna catch a movie in the park? they're playing a good one :)"

ARMIN:

Armin with the double major???

He has you studying together a couple times a week AT LEAST

I bet he holds 'tutoring sessions' where he invites a bunch of friends together to study and get help from him because he can whip out a 12 page paper in two hours tops

But Connie and Ymir derail these sessions

If you guys are studying alone together he's extremely helpful

He'd love to call them private sessions with you though lowkey?? I bet if y'all were together he'd even try and roleplay some sort of tutor thing, lil freak

Studying with you is a TOP priority. This man will cancel a doctor's appointment to study with you

He'll rent you out a study room in the library!!

Armin can actually pull strings with the librarians to reserve a room last minute, if you really need one!

Study rooms are nice because they have those big whiteboards to use and he'll fill one side with "(Y/N)'S PAPER" and have you go through everything about your paper

Title, intro, thesis, paragraph topics, evidence, analysis, conclusion...

Even if you have an outline already lol he just likes to write on the whiteboard, it makes him feel important

If you're dong a worksheet or something he'll also use the whiteboard for that!

Good luck if you're writing a paper about something he's knowledgeable on?? If it's history he can literally pull evidence (like a book, author, quote and page number) out of thin air for you to use

But he might try and take over your paper oops

"(Y/N), I totally get what you're saying about Hegel's religious theories serving as a metaphor for Germany's idealized and romanticized view on their newly formed state, causing the reign of the Third Reich during the 20th century, but would you agree that this idea extends BEYOND Hegel, and in fact combines the martyrdom of the empire and their warmongering tendencies to that thought?? Just an idea :)"

He's probably the smoothest when it comes to inviting you to do something after you study

He knows your favorite coffee shop is right next to the library, or he knows of a mini golf park that's half off for students

He writes down your exam dates and paper due dates in his calendar so he can remind you and ask you how you feel afterwards!

Before a big exam he'll surprise you with something like a gift card to your favorite coffee place or a flower omg I love him

IMMEDIATELY after your class ends, your phone goes off" "How'd the exam go!! Wanna tell me about it over lunch? :)"

CONNIE:

Sorry to any business majors but all my business friends had the easiest homework ever??

Like one of them had to redesign a monopoly board for their MIDTERM, so studying with Connie is probably more like arts and crafts lmao He’ll ask you to study with him when he notices you’ve been especially stressed or down

Connie’s got a real good skill at reading people I bet but he doesn’t show it?

He’ll check in occasionally but it can also be overwhelming when someone’s constantly looming over you while you’re stressed so he doesn’t do that!

But right in the heat of your semester, you’ve got like five different papers and projects due and you get a text from Connie saying he’s on his way to your apartment with food and a project

He makes some dumb excuse about needing to borrow some tape or something

He brings your favorite takeout and lightly forces you to eat it, put your books down and think about something else for ten minutes!

He points out that you’ll do your best work when you’re healthy and gives you a look

You guys probably study in silence for a bit before he finally breaks the tension

"So... stressed much?"

He'll let you rant to him about all of your classes, about your parents pressuring you, about how you're scared you're pushing away your friends by closing yourself off but you NEED to, everything

You'll feel him at your side, his hand rubbing your back gently

"(Y/N), you're like the smartest person I know. You don't have to prove anything to anyone about that. You're friends all know that exams are hectic, so you don't need to worry about us! I just worry about you when you stop taking care of yourself, (Y/N). So... let me take care of you, yeah? We'll get through this."

All-nighters aren't probably the healthiest thing, but Connie makes them fun and you guys are able to get through them without two pots of coffee

He let's you explain everything about your projects and he'll play devil's advocate a little bit during your essay, just asking you simple questions that you should answer in your paper. "--But why is that important?" and "--What about any opposing arguments?"

If you're memorizing terms for a quiz, he's making it a game, rewarding you with chocolate chips or something dumb whenever you ace your flashcards

Honestly he'd end up learning all of your terms too? I think a good way to learn something is to explain it to someone else (or just talk through it at least), so as you go through your terms and their definitions he is slowly starting to memorize them? He may not seem like the most studious person but he's definitely a quick learner

He also forces you to take breaks when you're starting to get overwhelmed though, which is also how you guys do his projects lol. "Why don't you put down your laptop and give yourself some space from your essay. Help me color in this poster and then we can look at your paper with fresh eyes, yeah?"

By the time your paper is done and your terms are all memorized, it's 4am and the sun is starting to peek through the tree line, and only then do you start to feel the weight of your overnight study session. Connie does too, and he nods towards your bedroom where you both collapse onto your mattress

"Don't go to class today," "What?" "C'mon, you need to sleep, you've got all your projects done, your paper is perfect, you need to sleep." and as he's pulling you towards him, rubbing your back, who are you to decline that offer?

Porco:

I feel like Porco is also very down-to-business, like Eren

Which can be extremely nice? He's very disciplined, so studying with him is perfect when you procrastinate too much and NEED to get your shit done

He probably gives you shit for procrastinating lol, sorry he just doesn't understand how you could do that to yourself?

He's an extremely busy guy, to the point where homework is probably fun for him, because it's the only thing he can really control (compared to his soccer practice and work schedule, that has set times)

Like he can get homework in class and then get it done immediately after, while the content is still fresh in his mind, and then his afternoon is free

So if you ask him to study with you sometime he might look at you a little funny because he doesn't really need to study that often?

But he's also a gentleman so he'll agree, inviting you over to his place sometime after soccer practice

He might save some homework to do in the evening with you, or he'll just sit there with a blank word document across from you because all of his homework is done LMAOO

But let's be real he'd never pass up a chance to spend some alone time with you

Love Porco to pieces but he's probably a bit dense when it comes to talking to people one on one?? Like people he's interested in

"Yeah, all the boys are playing COD right now and they want me to join but I said I had to study with you ://"

But then when you tell him that he can go play if he's done with his homework he's like "no shut up, stupid. I want to help you"

He'd lowkey be such a parent-type friend when it comes to studying at his apartment, like he has a dinky little platter of like vegetables out because it's good brain food, what a dork

You can convince him to order a pizza if you end up needing to stay later, and he orders your favorite toppings without you having to tell you what they are

"When Sasha and Niccolo hosted that make-your-own pizza thing two months ago, that's what you put on your pizza so I just figured that's what you liked I don't know"

When you ask him how much you owe him he just rolls his eyes. "Shut up and get back to writing your paper, dummy"

At one point he asks you how many pages your essay needs to be he is shocked??? He thought it was like a three page paper, so when you tell him it needs to be a minimum of twenty four pages he dies a little bit

"People have to write papers that long???" He might even call the pizza place back and order a dessert, paying the delivery charge and tipping a driver again just because he really had no idea that's why you were so stressed

You can definitely get him to take your mind off of studying by asking him about something relating to soccer or his family and he does not realize that you're doing it to get your mind off of your work, he's just happy to talk to you lol

Reiner:

He'd probably be similar to Porco in that he gets most of his homework done like right after class, it just makes more sense to him to do it that way

Like the content is fresh in his mind and then he doesn't have to worry about it

If it's a paper or something he just goes to the library immediately after class and gets lost in his research and then a couple hours later he leaves with at least half of it done, does the rest the next day

But I'm sure he still gets super stressed out about all his work

So when you ask him to study with you he's totally down, he could always review his notes for the 18th time!

When Reiner does need to study he cram studies in the most unhealthy way?? I bet he had a really healthy and disciplined way of studying in high school, but something about college and his anxiety just caused all of that academic discipline to go out the window

He could have a paper due in two months and if he puts it off for a day he starts to beat himself up over it :(

Still a good student obviously!! Just doesn't take care of himself as kindly as he should

When you guys study together it's different, because he'd hate to encourage you to treat yourself the same way he treats himself

You guys go and get lunch together before you study and he pays (duh), and he even suggests that you guys go on a walk or something before actually settling down to study

Maybe you talk about the work you need to done to plan what you need to get done today, what you can afford to put off until the next day, etc

Or maybe you talk about something else entirely, just about how nice the weather is! You both end up feeling refreshed and ready to get started once you make your way to the library

Since he's going to school for education he's probably extremely helpful when it comes to memorizing your terms and concepts

He'll make flash cards for the both of you with your respective content and you guys take turns quizzing each other

Unrelated but I bet he has decent handwriting?? But when he makes the flashcards for you both he makes sure it's all super neat and perfect, gets weirdly paranoid about misspelling a word or his handwriting looking bad, causing you to misspell a word on your exam day??

"Reiner, trust me, you're already helping me so much, I appreciate all you do for me!"

His face just goes bright red and he nods, unable to speak so he just goes back to making more flashcards

He'll print out your essay once you're done with it, paying the $0.94 per page charge for each draft, so he can highlight and annotate it for you

You explain to him that he can just edit it on his laptop but he refuses, he thinks he will do a better job editing with the hard copy in hand

Will 100% take you to get ice cream again once you guys are done studying, to recap how you did, whether you got done the stuff that you set out to, and plan another study date hangout

Levi:

I feel like Levi would be really intense when it comes to studying?

Like he just looks extremely focused in on his work, so it might seem like he's angry when you invite him to study with you in the library

But he insists that you go to his apartment instead. The library is going to be full of students trying to get their work done, and he can even cook for you afterwards, if you'd like

He writes down his apartment address and you agree to meet there at 3 o'clock sharp

When you get to his apartment there's classical music playing, he already has his laptop on with like four open books next to him so he can work on his literature paper

If you're also working on an English paper he has dozens of anthologies for you to borrow, if you're looking for a specific one he'll go to his bedroom (where he has a massive bookshelf) and will pull it out for you

"Bartleby the Scrivener? By Melville, yes? Hm, I think I have that in my seventh edition, let me--" and without waiting for response he's gone, and then he's back moments later with a massive text in his hand. He'll flip to it in the anthology and he'll set it on the table for you, "here, I've even annotated my copy"

Actually if you ask him to help you write your paper he would also be really helpful?? Very direct with it, but as long as you know that going into it, it's fine lol

I love the idea of him being a graduate student who teaches an undergrad/Intro to English Studies course, so he's extremely comfortable with helping you with your papers, even if they're not about English!

In group settings he can be really intense, and even though he's still extremely direct one-on-one, he is patient with you, and understanding as you explain what confuses you about your assignment

If you are going into this study session hoping for it to be a date of some sort, prepare to be disappointed because this man keeps his academics and his love life separate lol

Until he hears your stomach grumble!!

The second he does, he shuts his laptop and makes his way towards the kitchen to start dinner

"You can't do your best work on an empty stomach, and the noise will be distracting anyway," lmaoo

If you offer to help out he'll take it, maybe suggesting you prepare the vegetables while he makes the pasta sauce

He might brush a hand against the small of your back to signal you of his presence while reaching over to grab something next to you?? Like a spice or something

While you cook together, he'll ask you how your day was, he might even offer to pour you a glass of wine, so long as it doesn't spoil your appetite

He might smack your hand away from snacking on the vegetables you cook, but will also accept if you try and feed him one-- "to see if it's seasoned properly"!!

Levi would think about the taste for a second, humming with approval before turning back to focus on his entrée with a tinge of pink dusting his cheeks.

He will keep up this flirty energy all throughout dinner, but the second the dishes are washed and put away, he is opening up his laptop and going back to work, straight faced as ever oops

Zeke:

So cocky?? For no reason?? Someone put this man in a time out

"So you need my help, hm? I guess I can take a peek at your paper."

Even if you just ask to study with him, he's going to assume you need his help

Which can be nice if you're stubborn or have a hard time asking for help (like me lol)

He's extremely observant, so the moment you begin to reread a paragraph to see how to improve it, he's at your side. "Okay, what's the problem here"

He can tell by the way you furrow your brows, or the way you begin to read aloud quietly to yourself!! The man doesn't even understand why he's so lasered-in on you, he's basically studying you while you study lmao

I will always headcanon him as being a coach for a little league baseball team in his hometown, and he does most of his own homework on the train ride there and back

So when you ask him to study with you he's usually not doing much himself anyway, just there to help you out

Maybe he'll bring some papers to grad from the class he's TA'ing for, because he wants to show off a little bit hahahah

He'll even invite you to the classroom that he TA's in, because he knows that it's going to be empty by the time you finish your last class

Similar to Reiner, he'd prefer to edit your paper with a hard copy so he can 'grade it' with the rest of his undergrad essays, but he'll send you to the printer down the hall with his credit card, might even tell you to pick out something from the vending machine for yourself (they say chivalry is dead)

He's also extremely thorough though when editing your paper, gets so quiet that it's almost scary, but he's super encouraging and helpful with all of his notes, even just rewriting things for you in red ink in the margins

After he's finished he'll go through his revisions with you so that you understand why his rewrite of your thesis is stronger, more concise, so that in the future you know how to do it yourself

Not that he doesn't love to help you! But he wants you to learn the stuff

Honestly if he's helping you learn terms or remember concepts he is also using a whiteboard like Armin lol

I think Zeke would want to be a surgeon or oncologist to follow in his dad's footsteps, but I think he'd have a real gift for teaching and should go into that instead, he could teach one of his little league kiddos medical terminology and have them pass a test he's that good at teaching people

Talks with his hands a lot while he's explaining concepts to you, circles phrases and draws arrows connecting them to other ideas, basically acts as if he's a professor giving a lecture to you lol but it's okay because he looks hot doing it xoxo

He won't say much once you nail your practice term quiz or show him your final draft of your paper, just nod and give a little "hm, not bad, (Y/L/N)"

But deep down I think he'd be going crazy because Zeke loves an intelligent and competent partner?? I mean don't get me wrong he'd probably like someone less intelligent than him so he can a) feel better about himself and b) manipulate them without them knowing, but he'd be kind of speechless once he's aware of your intelligence and his heart is racing a little bit?? He doesn't realize he's experiencing feelings for the first time hahaha

For that reason, once you are done studying he is like "okay bye" and he is gone in like two seconds UNLESS you start up a conversation with him about little league, then you may be able to convince him to walk you back to your apartment (who's being manipulated now, Zeke)

AHH I'm so sorry this took so long!!! I hope you liked them!! My next set of headcanons is going to be some meet-cute scenarios that I think would lead to your relationship with the guys respectively, so this was tough!! I was torn between it being an established relationship or them kind of crushing on you/a study date-not-date type of thing?? But I really hope you liked them and I appreciate your patience with me :)

[gotstabbedbyapen]

Hey, I really love your greek one shots and Greek myths. Especially the ones about Apollo and Hyachintus. If you don't mind me asking, which sources do you read for Greek myths? I've been trying to find a good source for my own Greek mythology story I want to write. Especially for Apollo and Hyachintus, because I wanna see more adaptations of them, but I kinda put a spin of my own and added an OC that enters into a poly relationship with them. That's not important, but I just wanna say also, that you are carrying the Apollo x Hyachintus content. I love all your greek mythology shots, Hyapollo especially. You keep on with your amazing work. Okay that's all I want to say, you're amazing

AAAAAAAAAAAAA Sorry for the late reply, my friend! I promise I'm not ignoring you, I'm just a bit occupied at the moment :'<<<

First and foremost, thank YOU so much for enjoying my Greek myths and Hyapollo works! It warms my heart to see readers enjoying my silly little fics and share the love with my OTP <333 The support from you guys are one of the reasons I love writing so much!

Now, about that myth sources. My go-to place to study Greek myths is Theoi.com, which I'm sure you have heard many myth enthusiasts recommended before. It's a huge library of myth excerpts about the Greek mythology characters, where you will always learn something new with every read (at least for me).

I also look for direct sources on Perseus Digital Library, where it hosts Greek and English translations of many ancient Greek literature. I'm currently reading Pausanias' "Description of Greece" and Apollodorus' "Library" on there, very convenient!

However, if you want some in depth analysis about certain characters (say Hyacinthus, since his Theoi page isn't as long), you can check out some research papers of myth scholars! Normally, I'm not a fan of long, academic essays, but some of them are amazing reads. I highly recommend the book "Cults of Apollo at Sparta" (by Michael Pettersson), as it contains interesting analyses of Hyacinthus as a hero and god.

That's all the source I can give you for now. Good luck on your adaptation! It's always exciting to see people writing stories for Apollo and Hyacinthus :333

And if you don't mind, please send me a link to your story once you've published it ;)

[bonefall]

Ask Etiquette

HELLO sorry for the intimidating post lmao, I just need something to toss up on the masterpost because I feel bad deleting asks and then people will never really have an idea of why I never answered them

I get a ton of asks (usually anywhere from 10 - 20 a day!) and I'm not able to get to them all! I try to answer as many as possible but I'm still just one guy. So with that in mind, there are some sorts of asks I will simply not answer, and some 'requests' I have for people who send them in;

Please keep your asks short PLEASE try not to send me essays if you want a response; I still love reading them! But if you send me walls of text/analysis you are asking me to write a lot in response, which I'd rather spend on actually writing or designing cats. (On that note if you send a bunch of questions at once, the likelihood I respond goes down.)

Do not send me personal questions Listen... I'm a stranger on the internet. I'm overjoyed to see when my art connects with people and helps you realize things! But don't ask me sensitive questions like how to move out of your abusive parents' house!! PLEASE learn internet safety and get less comfortable with volunteering that kind of information to people you don't know!

Do not ask me personal questions you do not need to know what i study or where i work. get less comfortable asking these sorts of questions to queer people on the internet, especially when they talk openly about having previously been abused or stalked. (not that a person should even need to be as open about that as i am)

If I don't have a good response I won't answer Especially for suggestions I don't vibe with. I try to only say "No" if I have a particularly interesting "No" to talk about, if that makes sense! If I had to write a full explanation for every veto or idea I don't vibe with, this blog would be 90% what isn't in BB.

No AUs within the AU. "What if Hawkfrost survived his impalement? What if Firestar never joined? What if Tigerstar was never born?" Listen, buddy, you're creating an exponential distraction for possible ways the story could have gone and I'm not looking to write several essays for the literal hundreds of alternative ways Clan history could have been written. It takes you 5 words to ask "What if X never died" but it takes me paragraphs to answer. (This isn't about suggestions btw, I very specifically mean ppl asking hypotheticals for fun.)

Don't be rude. I feel like this should go without saying but please mind the parasocial gap. Especially if you're on anon, I don't know you, your backstory, or your cadence.

No "Fight Baiting" You're free to ask me to speak about fandom trends, or for my opinions on general ideas, character discussions, and popular arguments! But it crosses a line if you're linking someone's posts with their uncropped usernames, sharing unsolicited google docs, youtube videos, etc, with the intention of getting me to attack a third party. We can talk about ideas without making it a PVP battle.

And, lastly, CLANMEW ASKS!!

I make a hard effort to get to everyone!! Those are published on Clanmew Day (WHICH IS NOW JUST GOING TO BE THE 30TH OF EVERY MONTH SO THAT IT'S LESS CONFUSING) but PLEASE understand I get a ton of them.

As I write this I have more than 26 tabs open of unanswered Clanmew asks, a lot more in my inbox, and 9 already in the queue. So that you understand the sheer volume of asks I have there.

If I didn't get to you that month, chances are that I'll get to you on the next, but please understand why I ask for folks to not re-send asks

So here's Clanmew-specific requests;

PLEASE just try a translation on your own first! Don't just send me raw lists of OCs to translate, give it a go first using the Lexicon, just so I can see you tried. I will happily and gladly make more specific words for you when I see you try!

When you send OCs you've translated, ask me for a new word at the end if you didn't already in your list. Just in case I can't think of a witty comment or a word suggestion, you will help me a lot

Please try to format with lists like this one Folks will send me double or triple-indented lists and it will take up my entire screen when they've only sent like, 5 names. Remember that posts you send to me go on people's dashes, be considerate please You can open a list like this by starting a new paragraph, typing -, and then an immediate space. Hold Shift + Enter to indent without adding another bullet.

If you could put "Clanmew" somewhere in your ask, like even if you open up with "Clanmew: Here is my question blah blah," it would help immensely I physically can't get to every ask I receive on Clanmew Day, so if you have "Clanmew" in your ask somewhere, it makes it a lot easier for me to find it when I can finally answer! I really wish Tumblr had ways to sort asks, but currently, I've just gotta make due with Cntrl + F.

[baejax-the-great]

ao3 exists, plus it doesnt even matter what terms i search for on tumblr 100% of the time theres fanfiction. literally you can search any words on this website and some kpop guy/ reader fanfics flood the results every single fucking time. plus some of us are not here for fandoms??? your circus/clown analogy is stupid

So I'm incredibly allergic to shrimp-- to the point where if I ate a single shrimp I would die, to the point where I don't really consider shrimp food anymore--and it's the weirdest thing, yesterday i went to Target to buy hair conditioner, and they were selling shrimp. Don't they know it wasn't what I was looking for and I can't eat it anyway? Why would they do this? Totally fucked up of those shrimp catchers to try to poison me like that.

But analogies clearly aren't your thing, so let me break this down for you.

AO3 does indeed exist, but your suggestion that fanfic live there and ONLY there is akin to saying that imgur exists, so nobody should be posting images, whether they be photos or art, on any other website. Twitter exists (sort of), so really nobody should be posting shit posts or hot takes that are fewer than 140 characters or whatever.

Not everyone uses AO3. There is no law saying that if you write fanfic, you must post it on AO3 and nowhere else. There will never be a law that says that, because that's not how the internet works. Tumblr, one of the few social media sites that allows longform blogging, is in fact a great alternative to AO3 for one-shots. It's a little trickier for multi-chapter posts, but I've seen people make it work.

AO3 is not social media. People can't DM there, send asks, make friends, bump their post to the top of the feed (unless they are an asshole who is about to get blocked by half of fandom for pulling that move). Do you like social media? I mean you're here, on tumblr, bothering a total stranger, so you must see some value to it. Guess what--fanfic authors also enjoy being on social media and sharing what they've been up to, including their WIPs.

Things you aren't looking for being part of your searches is literally just life on the internet at all times forever. Earlier this month I was looking for a reference of draped fabric for drawing purposes. I googled 'chiton drawing' (chitons like the ancient Greeks used to wear), and all I got were drawings of molluscs of the genus 'chiton.' Alright, I did a google search for "toga drawing" and learned that there is an anime girl named Toga and people very much enjoy drawing her. Were the artists of the molluscs or the anime girl to blame for me having to slog through a bunch of irrelevant pictures to find one that could help me with my drawing? No. They correctly labeled what they were doing. That's just life.

Seeing fanfic in the tag doesn't harm you. At all. It doesn't matter if you find it cringe, or it's a ship you don't like, or it's xReader. For like ten seconds you looked at words you didn't particularly like, and then you moved on. How is that different from literally any other post on tumblr? I see bad takes and essays I don't care about on this site all the time. It's called scrolling. Again, this will be the case for every website on the internet forever. Are you telling me you read every tweet in your feed? Every reddit post? Sometimes you see irrelevant stuff. I guarantee some of my mutuals have already deemed this long ass post irrelevant and are scrolling on by. What makes fiction that much more abhorrent to you than the rest of the nonsense?

If you really hate seeing fanfic, tumblr has content blocking and tag blocking. You can block the phrase "x Reader." You can block the tag "fanfic." You can block all sorts of things, and if that doesn't work, you can just block the writers whose existence annoys you.

Sorry man, you personally not liking fandom and not using tumblr for it has really no bearing on what everyone else is doing. Like it or not, tumblr is a hub of fandom, and fanfic authors are going to be a part of every fandom on this green earth. Just because you came to the circus in order to admire the pretty fabric used on the tents doesn't mean the performers are in the wrong for doing their thing.

[symptomsofdeceit]

hihi!! :3 this is my first ever time sending someone an ask AND IM REAAALLY NERVOUS. gonna stay anonymous, because i'm a bit shy. also sorry if my grammar and spelling gonna be goofy, english isn't my first language :")

i found out about your game a couple of days ago and these crazy boys won't leave my mind ever since. i looove pathetic loser men and yanderes ❤️. demo is great!! your art style is soo pretty and i really like your character writing!!!! forgot that description said that there's two yanderes, so Nalis ending got me like 😳😳😳 OKAY THAT'S UNEXPECTED BUT SO DAMN HOT. Thaumo is so adorable! THAT MOMENT WITH FORK THO 😭😭😭 don't know which one of them is my fav so far. guess they have to fight for my heart so i could find out >:3 Tremo is so pretty!! ah, tired mysterious women are my weakness ❤️ also i feel sorry for Johnsoni, poor guy! #justice for Johnsoni, hope to see his sprite in future :"D i'm so eager to see what's awaits MC in next update. i know that game development isn't that easy, especially when you have to work irl. don't forget to take breaks from time to time, make an update at your own comfortable pace aand stay hydrated!!! your tumblr page and answer for other ppl asks about these weirdos is my food for now ❤️❤️❤️

SORRY THAT'S A WHOLE ESSAY LOL. just wanted to show how much i love your visual novel and characters! have some ideas for asks too, hope i will find the courage to write here again :"3 watch out Nalis and Thaumo, my future asks might be… veery silly >:D

Hello, & I apologize for this reply being late! I appreciate the ask very much, & no worries on your English!! I think you’ve done perfect here :)

I’m so so happy that you’ve enjoyed my demo!!!!This entire message has me grinning at my phone so so hard. If you eventually do decide on a favorite between the two I’d love to know which one it is!! I hope you’re taking breaks + staying hydrated in your life as well, and thank you so much for all of your kind words (｡ŏ﹏ŏ)💕💕💕💕

You have no idea how much I appreciate your words, this means a lot to me!! I would really love to have you in my inbox again, so I’m mentally sending you all the courage I can ✨💪😤 silly asks are some of my favorites, I’m excited to see what you’d throw at the boys!

[thatdammchickennugget]

Hello!! I guess I'm back. Sorry for once again disappearing for a while. I had to deal with a lot of things in my personal life and tumblr started to feel really overwhelming and stressful and writing was starting to become a chore instead of a way for myself to decompress.

But I've figured most of my stuff out, finally found a full time job I'm super excited about, am done with my move and got my mental health somewhat under control again.

I also have been writing lots of random stuff, from original short stories, poetry, essays, etc. but especially on a lot of worldbuilding and homebrew for DnD. I think taking a break from writing fanfictions and just writing whatever felt right in the moment without worrying about anyone reading it was really good for me, because over the last 2 weeks I've started enjoying writing for the HP boys again and have some things to share pretty soon!

I'll try to finish the jinxed july masterlist as soon as I can, that's going to be top priority for now because I've really neglected that challenge and I'm sorry about that. And then I'm going to be updating white lie soon (if anyone is still interested in that series) and I also have a finished james oneshot to post :)

Again, sorry for disappearing. A big thanks to everyone who still stuck around even though I wasn't posting and also for the sweet asks you guys kept sending me, I'll definitely have to work my way through my ask box as well. Love you guys and missed you lots 💕

[solei-eclipse]

Sending this as an ask cause I don't think tumblr is going to let me send this full thing in the reply of your last post:

Your wellbeing is more important than anything else! It's okay if you miss stuff or are too tired to participate when things happen within the community; it's okay if you're not as fixated on Alien Stage anymore; just because you are admittedly seen as one of the bigger ALNST bloggers on Tumblr does NOT mean that you owe anyone anything. That goes for the OC stuff too. Sorry if this is a bit too personal, but we enjoy seeing you around not because of what you can provide but because you’re you, and we just enjoy your presence; it's as simple as that. We love you Para, and we just want you to be okay.

It's not too personal at all, no worries :) in fact, it was really nice to read when I first saw it. thank you for all your reassurances, you have no idea the wonders it did for me.

thank you for your kindness, im genuinely really grateful for all this understanding. there's a lot of stuff that I've been forced to deal with lately and while the current issue is thankfully over, I know another one is bound to pop up soon. It's okay, though! I'll manage, it'll just take some time. I hope you guys can forgive me for going silent on occasion... I'm still here! Just busy.

Honestly I've been a little more comfortable on this sideblog than on shkingpardigm... that blog has a great deal of followers and while I will always be grateful for it, admittedly I've been more cautious. I always worry about saying the wrong thing, haha... (I find I still do very often though) The rapid growth of that blog was both fascinating and startling. Now that it's become bigger, I've been worried about whether or not my passion for ALNST is enough. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get to all the requests and thoughts shared with me over there, but I really hope to answer eventually because I want to honor the time and effort others spent into writing them. It's just been so much lately, and I can barely find the right words anymore. I almost always feel guilty for posting when I haven't answered them yet, especially since I love reading them and am really grateful to receive them.

It's been a little easier on here, where I've been creating my own things and sharing these creations with others, building our things around each other and such. Thank you all for being so wonderful and kind.

I hope this doesn't come off as me being ungrateful. I've been worried about voicing these thoughts for a while because I know how disheartening it may sound. I love ALNST, I love every ask and submission I receive no matter if it's a few short words or entire lengthy essays, and I love sharing thoughts and creations with others. There's just so much I want to do and so little time, so little energy I have left especially with my degrading health. All I can do at this point is ask for patience and forgiveness. Me bones don't work like they used to, youngsters.... arghhh my back.... my scoliosis..... my debts..

Once again, still here! Always will be (menacingly), just don't be too worried if I disappear sometimes!! That's me going out there and fighting the Horrors™. I always feel such a sense of joy and relief when I come back to Tumblr and see everyone's posts and creations (ALNST or OC or anything, really). It's like a reprieve for me, seeing all the new things that have been posted.

Thanks again for all your concern and support, I want you guys to know that I return it tenfold and hope you take care of yourselves as well. All the same applies to you! Take a step back whenever necessary, always prioritize yourself and know that you aren't pressured or expected of anything. You will still be loved and cared for no matter what! Always take your time and do what makes you happy :) <3

[kikikiwi27498]

Good morning darling! Here are some more yr fic asks! I'm curious about 20, 36, 37, 42 and 44 💜

Wish you a splendiferous Sunday!

Hello! Thank you so much for asking, and sorry this took so long! Work has been crazy and I might have gone a little overboard haha. I'm going to answer everything in one ask, so here are numbers 6-13 as well. Also these are basically all Wilmon fics because I love those boys so much.

From the 2023 Young Royals Fanfic Ask List: (I'll do more of these if people want, I love talking about fics)

6. Favorite one-shot fanfic: Pretty much everything by NerdGirl07, especially Promise Me (You're Safe) and Centre of the Storm.

7. Favorite chaptered fanfic: I have so may favorites. As Long As We Have Each Other by groenendael (@groenendaelfic) is my current favorite post-season 2 fic. Right now I'm reading Doesn't Everyone Belong in the Arms of the Sacred by painterssong (@alltoowille) and I'm loving it.

8. Fluff recommandation: This is such an angst-heavy fandom, sometimes it's hard to find pure fluff. I loved Playing House by LovelyLittleLosers (@lovelylittlelosers), Wille experiencing normal things, even just getting lost in Ikea, brings me so much joy.

9. Crack recommandation: Simon Eriksson: Just Some Guy From Biology and Patience Is A Virtue and I Have None, both by fandom_commitment_issues (@zee-has-commitment-issues).

10. Smut recommandation: Love Would be Burning Red by embracethevoid (@ungaroyals) and disruptedthesky (@omar-rudeberg) and You Can Send Me to the Lord by YoungRydbergs for smut with plot. They're both parts of series, so you might want to read the other parts first, especially for You Can Send Me to the Lord. If you want smut with less plot, I liked the Sense and Sensuous series by YulianaHenderson. (one of these days I need to make a spicy fic rec list)

11. Angst recommandation: This fandom writes so many incredible angst fics, it's hard for me to pick! I loved A Palm to My Mouth, I Said it, Almost by MyArtificialFlowers and It's All So Incredibly Loud by pysanky (@pysankywrites-updates). Please read the tags before reading these, they are both very angsty.

12. Kid fic recommandation: I love kid fics so much and girl dads Wilmon even more, though I have many thoughts about whether Wilmon would want their kids to grow up royal. Some of my favorites are Thoughts On a Stormy Night by LaChicaMarvel and Painted Memories by NerdGirl07, as well as When Dividing up the Universe, You Could Have Mine by the_old_stairs.

13. Christmas fic recommendation: And That's How Simon Got Banned from Christmas Decorating by ASkyofKai. If you want a slightly angsty one, Merry Crisis by pysanky (@pysankywrites-updates) - ngl I'm low-key obsessed with the Third Year Things series, it's perfect and everyone should go read it right now. (if anyone knows any other third year Wilmon fics please let me know, I'm dying to read more)

20. Your « not Wilmon » favorite ship/couple: Henry/Walter (do they have a ship name?? Wenry? Halter?) probably. It's an angsty post-breakup fic, but I loved Closure by stretchoutandwait (@stretchoutfics).

36. Your favorite trope: This is kind of basic, but I love friends to lovers. I'll also always read a sick fic where Character A has to take care of Character B (bonus points if Character B insists Character A leaves so they don't get sick, and/or they deny that they're sick), such as Baby, You're the Cure (So Let Me Close to You) by isnt_that_wizard (@skateboardtotheheart) - it's part of a series, but you can read it on its own.

37. The trope you didn't expect to like: Only Fools Remain Sane by Elin98 made me love fake dating.

42. Do you like to comment on the fic you read: I do! I'm just really bad at doing it consistently because I tend to write whole essays so it takes me a long time.

44. On what device do you read: Mostly my phone, but I use my laptop too.

[mcofthemansion]

Doctor's Note

Vyn Richter x Reader with general anxiety

Warnings : Not sure if this counts but the punctuation and formatting is probably bad since I don't have enough peace of mind to edit, fem reader, no beta, kinda short, other then that basically just fluff I guess, oh! And usual anxiety stuff is talked about a bit so I'm unsure if that counts as sick, if yes then this is technically a sickfic!

A/n : I wrote this instead of writing my essay for my critical thinking class which is worth 20% of my final grade! No shame and no regret about it! Not feeling great but at least I'm feeling oddly brave today so I decided to share the exact thing I wanted to hear so I hope you don't mind! I hope you guys like it too! I'd like to please ask for no constructive criticism for this post please! I can't handle something like that at the moment and thank you for understanding! Love you guys! Drink water and eat stuff and remember to sleep! Sending lots of hugs and love and warmth! Vyn does too!

Y/n felt restless and unable to shut off the noise in her head, she could hardly focus on the task given to her, however she promised to help Vyn restock the waiting room reading material at Giannovyn since the current ones were a little dated. 

She just finished shelving some magazines and brochures when she felt a familiar touch on her arm, she turned her head to see the comforting smile of Vyn.

"Thank you for the help my rose, let's take a break and pick up where we left off in a bit" he said walking towards his office.

Y/n nodded and hummed in agreement, a smile appearing on her lips as she noticed that Vyn started brewing her favorite tea. Vyn offered her a seat on the chaise lounge he typically has his patients sit on for consults. 

"Sorry for the lack of seating options, we're replacing some of the older equipment and appliances and it would seem the boxes were stacked on top of the chairs" he explained.

"It's alright Vyn, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little curious what it felt like to sit on it, it's probably the most eye catching thing in the room" Y/n chatted.

He moved a coffee table a little closer and placed two cups of tea on the table before he took a seat in his usual armchair.

Y/n leaned a little forward placing both hands around the cup, the warmth and fragrance of the tea was a comforting feeling, however the comfort was short lived as she found herself unable to focus on Vyn or the tea and instead glancing in the direction of the hallway every time someone walked down it, her eyes darting towards any noise in her vicinity.

"Y/n, are you perhaps feeling anxious?" Observed Vyn. 

"Sorry Vyn, could you please repeat that" Y/n asked as she willed herself to look at Vyn and not around her.

Vyn put down his tea and walked towards Y/n, "forgive the sudden intrusion my rose" Vyn said as he gently placed his hand on Y/n's chest feeling the rapid beating of her heart. 

Y/n looked up at Vyn as he moved his hand from her chest to her chin, moving her face slightly side to side, and up and down gently.

"Is everything alright Vyn?" She asked.

"I should be asking you that my poor rose, it would seem you've been experiencing some difficulties causing you to struggle with anxiety" he stated.

"It's not to bad Vyn! I promise! Plus it's way passed clinic hours! You should relax Vyn" Y/n asked.

"Don't worry about that Y/n, for you I always have time, I noticed just now that your heart was racing and having looked at your complexion and your eyes, you seemed to have trouble sleeping at night, that's only a few observations I made, now will my favourite patient tell me what's wrong?" he asked.

Y/n blushed and awkwardly averted her eyes.

"It's really nothing Vyn, just a mix of all aspects of my life, I've been working into the night most nights since I was given harder tasks recently, as well as managing family issues and also everything with the NXX, it's becoming rather overwhelming, but I promise it's ok" Y/n finished.

Vyn considered her words carefully, he could tell how some of these issues greatly affected her. "Have you had enough time to process your emotions about some of these troubles?" He asked.

"Not exactly, it's usually one after another, I just finish up what I was working on and once I'm home I have to deal with anything that happened with my family while I was gone" Y/n answered. 

Vyn considered this and said "I'll be writing you a doctor's note for some time away, don't worry about any repercussions because it won't affect anything, I'll make sure of that and during your time off I'd like you to allow yourself to feel your emotions and process them, and you needn't worry about family interfering or what the NXX will say, you can stay with me for a while if you'd like, you'd have a room to yourself away from any stress or you may have a treatment room here if you would prefer that" 

Y/n blushed hearing the seriousness in Vyn's tone, she really appreciated him taking this seriously. He really was an excellent doctor.

"Thank you Vyn" she said looking down.

Vyn smiled as his slender fingers glided over the screen, printed the note for his dear rose.

[bunglegaydogs]

Hiiii I'm just sending an ask because they're all different posts (read : I'm lazy) so please don't mind me lol

First and foremost, YOU ARE AMAZING AT EXPRESSING YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR ESSAYS ARE ALWAYS SO NUANCED?? SO YOU SAYING THAT WAS A HUGE COMPLIMENT OMG- I love reading your bsd essays so much and it's just now that I realised that they're all your essays abaammw some of the best in the fandom really. I'm always baffled when in the middle of an essay you go "I may not be articulating my thoughts right" or "this is kind of just put together" because girl you're amazing! Never stop writing these please ajajahsbw ALSO! Hearing your little thoughts and feelings pop up in the middle of an essay makes it so endearing to me. Like, that's a whole ass person writing these many words just to express how much they like this show and they're so adorable! (So sorry if that's offensive idk if calling someone adorable is)

Also, completely unrelated lol but this is exactly why I prefer to ask people questions instead of googling! Knowing that the person explaining is a human has their own opinions and hearing their feelings and experiences is so much more better and relatable than reading stuff off a Google website. Also your pfp is the cutest everyone has cute pfps nowadays 😭 anyways yes cute pfp :D

Actually getting to the point now:

1) yes yes Oda and Dazai's relationship is so dear to me I love them sm and I adore seeing Atsushi all caring for his mentor 😭 he's basically Dazai's emotional support cat!! Dazai let the boy in please I'm begging you he can purr probably and it would melt away your stress pls pls (Maybe everyone in the ADA sees Atsushi as their emotional support cat...)

2) Mori is a piece a shit, and you should be allowed to say it. I'm never biased in my writing but I loathe that guy with my very being and the whole people who like Mori thing really got me reconsidering...was *I* the bad guy for not liking a character when I actively liked a character very similar to him? Then I realised, I completely respect and treat equally all the people who don't like/hate Dazai. I don't treat them any different just because they don't like a character. And that's what I should expect too!

There's no post defending Dazai, and yet I still like him because I accept his wrongdoings and want him to keep getting better, like Oda told him to. Yknow, the argument would be MUCH different if Dazai was a woman and not a man, imagine bashing someone for liking a teen girl and not liking the guy who groomed her to be his heir. Yeah, really puts things into perspective. I'm not sexist, I treat (respectful) men and women equally, but Mori is just. No.

3) I haven't see it before in any canon source material but I feel like it's definitely true. It's clear that Dazai WANTS to want to keep living, but he can't bring himself to want it because of all the pain he's endured. He literally said in dark era that the reason he joined the mafia was to try and seek meaning in life by being close to death and violence. It's ironic, Dazai feels the most alive when he's about to LOSE that privilege. It could also mean that Dazai only realises the "value" in living when he's about to lose it. Perhaps he thinks of things he could've done, things he'll regret, and that helps him to stop before he actually does it. But in my opinion? I don't think he finds anything of worth in that time. He just convinces himself that he does. This is a personal hc but it's probably likely to be the case.

If you've listened to the song My R, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.(totally recommend btw!).The girl in the song speaks to herself about her woes and the 'other' version of her comforts her telling her about all the things that she DOES have, but by the end of the song, she has lost everything of meaning and she can't comfort the "girl". It is only revealed that the girls she comforted are different versions of HERSELF that she stopped from jumping.

Anyways, in conclusion, SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE THIS BOY A HUG HE DESERVES IT

oh my god oh my god oh my god

i am sat here on the verge of TEARS in my goddamn chuuya cosplay

okay okay give me a second i need to collect myself

you are singlehandedly the SWEETEST person ever im sobbing

literally i cant- thank you so fucking much! you dont understand how much this all means to me WOWOWOWOW <33333333

literally, my brain doesnt let me consume my content positively and so i always think that theyre quite bad or that im the only person who thinks that or that im saying all the wrong things lol

i have so many words and thoughts floating around in my little brain that i just cant find the words for, so thats honestly what those rants are, my delusional 4am thought processes when i deep things too much

and YOU THINK??? genuinely, thank you!!! i love reading people's essays and thoughts, so hearing you say that genuinely just warms my absolute heart <3

and yes yes i do get quite sidetracked very often and start just rambling and adding my own personal twists- genuinely i thought that was annoying for people to read, but you're just putting a big smile on my face right now :) and PLS DONT THINK CALLING ME ADORABLE IS OFFENSIVE I LITERALLY GIGGLED READING THAT SHIT FR. <333

i like to add personal experiences and thoughts into it, just to get my point across, put it into an irl perspective and let people also relate and see what im getting at. (unfortunately) i have the same experiences as most of these characters, and so that is why they're so dear to me and why i get very defensive and passionate writing about them!

and yes! getting your answers and stuff from irl people instead of strange irrelevant responses is much more preferred lol. it's more raw and in depth and definitely a lot more personal! and thank you so much!!! it's genuinely one of my favourite dazai panels istg hes such a pretty mf

1.) i love love LOVE their dynamic, i think it's one of my favourites in the show along with skk and ranpo and yosano. it really fucking hits hard, as all family dynamics do with me fr, idk what it is about them, they just get me. and yes!!! i love when atsushi shows that he cares for dazai it MAKES ME FEEL NICE <3 and that's so real oh my god hes a tiger please PLEASE he can fucking PURR (there was a tumblr post i saw, i can try and find it but it made me actually cry laughing)

THIS ONE i was fucking howling but yes! their relationship is also one that really really gets to me! and yes, he is just the ada's support cat, it's canon, i'm ranpo's sweets

2.) thank you thank you THANK YOU mori is an actual degenerate human being. he's not made to be liked or appreciated or revered, it's just fucking AEUGH. i'm not going to demonise the people who enjoy him as a character, but seriously, it's a big red flag to overlook the canon pedophilia. i saw someone make a defense against him saying "yes, but he's never actually touched kids, so that doesn't mean anything" SORRY? they also went on to say that he "restrains himself" from having pedophilic thoughts with elise, and basically praised him for that. needless to say, it got me feeling fucking icky. and yes! i feel exactly the same. i always think that "oh, maybe i'm the awful one for not liking him? am i bad?" even though, no, i'm perfectly fine thinking that way and i am allowed to think that way. and exactly again! dazai is my favourite character, but i recognise his flaws and his mistakes and don't forgive them. but he's actively trying to "be a better person" (i say this in quotation marks because dazai sees everything he does as inevitably pointless, but still wishes to uphold oda's dying words. i am definitely going to make a post about this in the near future lol) and i dont make my analyses biased towards him, and i stay on neutral ground UNLESS personal opinion comes up, to which i then say that it's my personal opinion, not fact, and that it's anybody's choice to think however they want. if somebody doesn't like dazai; okay! i'm interested in talking with them, and we can both talk about things we're very passionate about and have healthy conversations! unlike some people i have seen on reddit, goddamn. but no, we're not the bad people for hating that knobhead fr. we should all treat and be treated the same as any other fan in the fandom and get along, and i wish we could ALL do that in non-toxic ways. 99% of this fandom are the loveliest people ever, but that 1% just needs to get a grip like omg. we should treat others how we want to be treated, regardless of who favours what ship and who likes what character. and real!!! if gender roles were reversed for dazai, this would be much more problematic, and that's upsetting! dw dw, i dont think its sexist, i think its putting things into perspective bc, either way, its shitty how he was treated. i fucking hate mori. whenever i see people defending him to like, the bone, like not getting into a decent discussion and being civil but instead bashing everyone who says otherwise and completely overlooking the abuse, manipulation, grooming, pedophilia and just him as a sick and twisted person in general, it just really irks me. as someone who has in fact had to deal with separate strands of abuse including many fucking counts of sexual abuse and pedophilia, it disgusts me seeing people overlooking it and it makes me feel fucking sick. that shit is not just something to be overlooked because of the fact that you enjoy mori as a character, he's not supposed to be a character that's consumed positively, he's a bad guy. a lot of characters in bsd are morally grey, but mori is just fucking morally black. he's downright evil.

(TW for suicide and self harm next btw :) )

3.) yes yes yessss!!! again, bringing personal stuff into it, i deal heavily with the whole topic of suicide and self harm. i've attempted twice and still deal with thoughts of it every single day, as well as self harm. so, this is one of my main reasons of dazai being my absolute favourite character, because of the representation and actual presentation of these topics. at first, we're shown them in a whimsical and whacky way, then it gets so much darker once we get into the dark era. it's a complete tonal shift, and it really sets in the gravity of the situation for him. and, as you said, he wants to have that ability to want to keep going and living, and he wants to be able to put the effort in, but he can't/ he physically cannot. as much as he would want to try, he can't. and yes, when he said that it fucking BROKE me fr. just at the chance that he's not able to keep living on anymore as a human is the one thing that keeps him alive, i fucking love asagiri's writing, it's so complex and beautiful. and its so so so real!!! youre literally right idc lmao. youve so eloquently said it im crying, youre putting all my thoughts into words <3

and yes!!! i have listened to the song, i absolutely LOVE it! and i never fail to think of dazai whenever i listen to it </3 and, i also think it's very very much like dazai, because of the multiple different versions we see of him too. chuuya hasn't exactly changed much, but he has gone through some very very complex and deep character developments, such as in fifteen and stormbringer. hes a lot more "tame" and respectful now, and a lot more mature. (except with dazai lmao) aku, we see he's changed slightly thanks to atsushi, but still no major character fucking flip arounds. all these characters we've watched slowly become better and more complex throughout the series. dazai? he just does 180s every single fucking year. hes different at 14 and 15 than he is at 18. hes different at 18 than he is at 20-22. and the different faces he puts on for each and every person, all his masks that he has. there's much variety to dazai; you never know what you'll get. there's so many different sides to him, because he doesn't know who he is. as odasaku saw him, "a lost child crying out". no matter the age, no matter the state, dazai is always going to be harbouring that broken child with him, trying to hide it and build up walls around it, because the only time he's ever shown it, he's gotten hurt or betrayed and lost some key figures in his life. trust issues much?

anyways i am sorry i am sorry i rambled too much lmao

in conclusion, YES, GIVE HIM A FUCKING HUG OH MY GOD PLEASE I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO HUG HIM PLS GOD LET ATSUSHI GIVE HIM A BIG HUG WHEN HE COMES OUT OF MEURSAULT I SWEAR-

thank you so so so SO much for your kind words!!! sweetest person EVER fr <333333

thank you my love!!! /p have a lovely day/night :) <3

[bookshelf-dust]

Just wanted to let you know that your work is fucking awesome! I'm currently writing a Eddie x reader fic and wanted to include Gareth and stumbled upon your fics while I was looking for some kind of inspiration. And now I kinda fell in love with this curly haired guy due to your awesome fics! Thank you so much! 💕

Also, may I request something short and fluffy? I had some rough weeks and would die for some cute and funny comforting fic. Maybe reader had some bad grades and her parents are terrorising her about that and her best friend left her because "she was lame" and Gareth found her somewhere in the halls nearly crying because everything is too much and he tries to comfort her and make her laugh again?

Sending lots of love. 💕

good enough

gareth emerson x fem!reader

word count: 1,554

warnings: reader has fight with mother/fight with friend, loneliness, anxiety, one mention of being drunk, fluff, comfort

a/n: hi sweetheart!! i’m so happy that you enjoy my gareth stuff. thank you so much for reading them and for your request! i’m so very sorry that you’ve had a shitty couple of weeks, but i hope that maybe this will make you feel a little better! sending lots and lots of hugs your way. <333

————

“So you just weren’t going to show us until I had to berate you about it? Huh?”

Your mother’s voice is shrill where she stands in front of you. Your father sits across from you at the dining room table, reading the notes your teacher left on your essay.

“I didn’t realize I had to show you every assignment I turn in.”

She exhales loudly and you refuse to look at her. “You do when you receive a grade like that! I thought you were good at this subject.”

Your knee starts to bounce.

You are good. You’re just struggling right now. With this particular instructor, with the class itself—it’s taking a lot out of you.

Not that she’d know that.

Not that she ever asks or would want to know how you actually feel.

Your mother turns to face her husband. “You haven’t got anything to say?”

Your dad takes his glasses off and looks up. “The notes say that there are strong points, but that there are things to be adjusted.”

He turns his head, making eye contact with you. “You can improve.”

He says it both as a fact and a question.

You nod, chewing on your nails.

He’s always been the softer of your parents, but your mother is always very quick to make everything about herself.

Well if you’re doing badly in school, then I must be a bad mother. What will others think if they find out you’re a failure?

“Did you try your best with this?” He asks you.

“I did,” you start. “This material has just been hard on me.”

He turns to face his wife now. “See? She’s trying, honey. You’ve got to give her a chance.”

“Well, she’s not trying hard enough. School was perfectly easy for me.”

That is the end of that, you decide. You can’t listen to her speak as if you’re not in the room anymore. You get up and leave for your bedroom.

————

You sit on the edge of your bed, sinking in on yourself. You want to call Gareth. You know even the mere sound of his voice will help you feel better.

But he’s got Hellfire tonight. He’s not home. Although you contemplate calling anyhow, because if you do, his mother will answer, and she’s always been so sweet and open with you.

You decide against it, but you really need to talk to someone. Anyone. About anything.

You think you want to call Mel.

Melissa Thompson was your very best friend. She had been for the past couple of years, and you’d felt safe around her.

Though lately, she’d been coming up with excuses not to hang out with you. She had studying to do, she’d say. She had to babysit her little cousin.

And you had this feeling. This awful feeling that really it was that she didn’t like you anymore.

She was changing, ready to graduate and move on to bigger things. Ready to make new friends.

You were afraid of change.

But now, you find yourself fidgeting with a string on your quilt as the phone rings and even more aggressively when Melissa answers.

She audibly sighs when she realizes it’s you on the phone.

You wanted to talk, but that gives you a clear sign that she doesn’t want to, and suddenly you’re very frustrated with the fact that you’re seemingly not good enough for anyone.

“Let’s hurry this up then, huh, Mel?” You exclaim.

None of this felt fair. You were not a child and you didn’t appreciate being treated like one.

“Have I done something wrong?” You ask.

When Melissa responds, you can hear what you think is a smile in her voice.

“I’m sorry. You’re just…you’re lame, Y/N.” Your breath hitches. “When’s the last time you came out with me?”

All she ever wanted to do anymore was find a party so she could get drunk and fit in.

“When’s the last time we went shopping?”

All she ever wants is to wear something to impress a boy.

“You just sit around, or you go watch that boy practice for his band. You have no life. And frankly, I don’t really want you in mine anymore.”

You don’t have it in you to fire something back, but you don’t want to leave it like this.

“Well you know what, Mel? Not everyone spends their time trying to please other people or be normal. So fuck you, then.”

You hang up, and bury yourself in your bedding, letting the tears come as they please.

You want Gareth.

————

When you wake the next morning, the feelings from the previous night follow you into the kitchen, where your mother doesn’t speak to you.

And then on the way to school. During school, when you speak with your teacher and come away feeling like a failure because apparently, you hadn’t looked closely enough. Hadn’t analyzed well enough.

They follow you to lunch too, though that’s where you lose it.

You see Melissa in the courtyard and everything comes crashing down. Every feeling from last night and this morning bears down on you.

It feels like you’re surrounded, like the reminders of your wrongdoings are everywhere, and you pack up your things and rush inside.

You’re pacing back and forth at the end of the hallway, somewhere you think you can be alone since everyone else is doing who-the-fuck-knows-what on their lunch break.

Gareth leaves the cafeteria to head for the vending machines, which, rather than be in the lunchroom, are in a separate location a little ways away.

Exactly near where you’re fighting a breakdown.

He spots you, and picks up the pace. He hasn’t seen you in days.

“You thinkin’ Skittles or Starburst today?” He inquires, assuming your contemplating a snack.

Gareth’s voice makes you jump, and he catches it. You turn around, and he looks you over, seeing how glassy your eyes are.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You soften at his presence.

“It’s nothing,” you tell him.

“Hey, no. We aren’t doing that.” He puts his hands on your shoulders and they’re warm.

Your eyes well up further at his words, the fact that he wants to listen, that you know he’ll be there for you, and then they’re clouding your vision so much that you can’t see him anymore.

They spill over.

Gareth takes you into his arms, wrapping them around your shoulders. He’s never seen you like this. He never wants to see it again.

“You know you can talk to me. I know you know that.”

He rubs your back up and down and up and down. You bury your face in his neck. He smells like syrup—you bet he made pancakes for his sisters this morning—and this soft cologne that he wears and very faintly of cigarettes.

Eventually you pull back, and before you can wipe your face, Gareth does it for you.

You take a deep breath.

“My mom got pissed at me last night because I didn’t do well on Click’s essay and she chalked it up to being because I’m not trying hard enough. Because school was easy for her and basically that means I’m a fucking dumbass, right?”

“And then I wanted to call you but you had Hellfire, so I called Melissa, though you know how she’s been,” you stop for a second, your voice breaking, and then you continue. “And she said I was lame, that she didn’t want me around anymore.”

“So I’m just overwhelmed and I feel like Im not good enough for anyone anymore. And I wanted you so bad last night but you were busy and then when you weren’t busy I didn’t want to burden you with my feelings either.”

When you’ve finished, Gareth rubs his hands up and down your arms. He seems to do that when he knows your upset, the rubbing.

“Your mom’s being an ass about the essay,” he says. “School’s not the same for everyone and I’m sorry that she said that. But you are not a dumbass, you hear me? I know how hard you try. I see it.”

You look away from him and he presses his first two fingers gently against your cheek, turning your face back to him.

“And I never liked Melissa anyways. She’s an asshole for not seeing how good of a friend you are and how lucky she was to have you in her life. And you’re totally not lame. You’re a badass.”

That makes you smile. Just enough that Gareth does too.

“Also I don’t ever want to hear you say you don’t want to burden me with your feelings ever again. You literally couldn’t.”

You nod repeatedly, as if assuring yourself, and then look into his eyes.

“I just want you to know that you’re good enough for me. You always have been,” he tells you.

You grin at him, albeit a little sadly. You’re feeling over the moon for him. He thinks you look sweet.

“Come sit with me?”

“Sure.”

Gareth presses a kiss to your forehead like it’s something he does everyday, and then he’s taking your hand, leading you towards his friends.

And you feel like it’s going to be okay.

You know it will. And he’ll make sure of it.

————

please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33

[superfallingstars]

Snape ask Nr. 33 please!

33. Top 3 songs you think will show up in Snape's most played? (from here)

Oh ho ho you’ve read my bio and opened the can of worms that is my music taste. Thank you for everything, I owe you my life, etc.

It’s like genuinely so hard to choose only three songs so I will also use this opportunity to share my full Snape playlist. I tried to pick songs that were both lyrically relevant and that he might actually listen to/enjoy aka the same criteria I will use to answer this question!

So let’s go!

This is something I’ve wanted to post about for a while now – that is, does the Snapedom know about this song? Aka the song about being obsessed/in love with a girl named Lily? This is the ultimate Snape song, it’s so perfect that I kind of can’t believe it exists. I doubt this song actually got radio play in 1995 (considering how many songs are on this stupid album, which I say with love but it is true), but I love the idea of Snape hearing this song by chance (perhaps on the radio at Grimmauld Place?) and proceeding to have a crisis about it.

This is also a Lily song lol. Lyrically it is about a woman who dies and the narrator holds himself responsible for it (howfitting). “What can I do if she dies? / What can I do if she’s lost? / Just the thought fills my heart with pink frost.” Gah! Also, musically, I think Snape would like it – I feel like an alternative 80s goth-ish vibe fits him really well. He would totally cry to this and have an all around terrible time <3

It's so hard to pick only one more, but I’m going with Bauhaus (because I am a goth ally). Seriously though, I think these lyrics fit Snape really well, especially regarding his upbringing, in the references to the general monotony of daily life and “factorytown.” Plus, you can tell from the title, this song also expresses a desire for success. Basically it just feels right.

Ok I can’t restrain myself so I'm doing honorable mentions, sorry, but these are more specifically geared toward what I actually think he would listen to. “You Should All Be Murdered” by Another Sunny Day is a jangly little 80s/90s tune with some rather, er, hateful lyrics, and “Is It Any Wonder” by The Chameleons is a dark, dreamy song with this lovely melancholy and regretful feel. I could picture him listening to either one of these on repeat, singing along, whistling while he's walking down the Hogwarts hallways, etc

Alright I have to stop myself from writing an essay, as this post is long enough! Thanks so much for sending this ask, I’m always down to talk Snape and/or music (in relation to one another or also not, it doesn’t matter, tell me what you guys think/please talk to me, ok byeeee!!!!)

[danthediamondminecart]

Hi! So I spent a few hours thinking about these questions, and here are the questions I'm mostly want to ask.

1. In the RBB Superheroes AU, how do the heroes transform from their hero attire to their civilian attire and back to their hero attires again

2. Amongst the RBB characters, which one is your favorite or which character do you have fun writing lore about

3. Will your RBB Madoka Magica AU, have a Season 2 fanfic

4. Who is the Champion in the RBB Pokemon AU

5. Are there any canceled RBB AU'S that you have

6. How do you mostly use Russo's powers regarding his sword of truth, and what does he uses the sword of truth mostly for

Sorry for the huge amount of questions, but I'm generally just so curious! I hope you don't mind 😅

LETS GO TIME TO RAMBLE ABOUT MY AUs!! Please do keep sending me questions about them - I love to answer and I have so much to say despite barely posting about them.

I'm going to put my answers under a cut, because they're LONG:

It hasn't been mentioned anywhere yet, but in-universe, Jackeryz and Sanna are in charge of making the heroes' outfits presentable, durable and adaptable - including whether they can be quickly changed into or not. Some of them, like Fracture and Riptide, can afford to keep their costumes under their regular clothes or somewhat shrunken under their clothes, so that they can change into their superhero outfits in an instance. Others, like Phoenix and Complexicon, can't do this - they have to change clothes at home, so instead they have easy routes to get home if something happens. (Well, Kreek doesn't really leave his house, but you get the gist.)

Tanqr and Kreek. Individually and as a duo. I love thinking about those two's dynamic, AU or not, how their morals conflict, what might get them to be friends and sympathise with each other as well as what might get them into a serious argument. They're narrative foils, I nearly wrote a whole video essay on them (i did not get past the intro), I love their dynamic so much. I am so normal about them, and I live to see them beat each other up for sport.

No. I've lost motivation for the AU. I did consider revamping it, but I don't have the time for that and have other AUs to focus on. For now though, the AO3 port's notes will (eventually, when i actually update the AO3 port) go into depth as to what the planned 'sequel' was going to be.

TanqR. To give a little hint, he's a formal guy who just loves battling, and is far more serious than the man he beat out to become Top Champ. He also has a strange connection with the villainous team...

I'm not sure what you mean by 'cancelled'. If you mean "currently not working on/making content of", that's a vast majority of my AUs, but they all still exist and hold a dear place in my heart even if they will never see the light of day outside of my private chats. The only AU I suppose I've properly 'cancelled' is the Robloxian Paranormal Archives iteration of the TMA AU, but that just got revamped into Top Of The Food Chain.

There's a bit more depth on Russo's specific powers here, but generally, he uses it for intelligence and interrogation purposes. He can use it to get people to tell him the truth, or to snoop out secrets in a room. It is surprisingly effective use his sword to threaten someone, and then use its power, so that person is forced to reveal how scared they are. He prefers to use it over his Resonators, because those take a lot more energy out of him and mind control is really hard.

[vashtijoy]

Hi! I really enjoy reading your analyses and thoughts, they're always so articulate and well thought out. Making me go "woah... woah!!" every time I read them haha <3 I'm curious if you have any headcanons on Joker or any interpretations of him that you particularly like ^^ Hope you have a good day!

Thank you, anon! Sorry to say I'm very much a one-trick pony, and I leave all the interesting Joker pondering to my QPP and partner-in-crime Libby/@nardaviel, who writes the Ren to my Goro. I love Joker very, very dearly, he just doesn't make me sit up in the middle of the night going OH FUCK THAT'S WHY—

That said, I mentioned this to Libby and she has kindly written an incredible guest essay, just for you. Enjoy.

...

Thanks for coming to my guest lecture! Today I'll be talking about Joker since it seems Vashti just defers to me for his characterization, which is news to me as much as it is to you, since she writes him so well.

Before we venture into territory that's more headcanony, here's the stuff that's more grounded in canon:

His parents are financially stable and support his physical needs, but are emotionally neglectful. Like. Joker is tall, he's healthy, they send him belongings when he goes to Tokyo. But then again, they send him to their friend's barista in another city and never call to check up on him. I've read a lovely fic where the lack of communication was because of a misunderstanding: A Year to Fill an Empty Home by Turandot. But it says a lot that the author had to really work hard to make it possible, I think. (Please be aware that Vashti hasn't read that fic, if that matters to you! It's my rec.)

He doesn't live in the ass-end of nowhere before canon. You can see tall buildings in the background of the Shido flashback, and also, why would Shido be in the ass-end of nowhere? Vashti and I decided he lives in Mito, the prefectural capital of Ibaraki, but that was partly just so we had a specific place for him to be for our RP. It fits, though, I think. Some taller buildings but not all that built up, and Shido would have more reason to visit a prefectural capital in Kanto than another random city of the same size, especially one further from Tokyo.

He had friends and a social life before his conviction. I'm not saying he was a social butterfly, but he seems so shocked and withdrawn in the animated cutscene at the start of the game, and it seems to me that if he was used to being a pariah his reaction wouldn't be so extreme. I also think he dated a couple of times pre-conviction, though it never got serious, and has had his first kiss before he gets to Tokyo, but that really does start to stray into pure headcanon territory.

He's real smart and can pick anything up incredibly quickly. I don't even know if this counts as a headcanon, actually. Look at how good he gets at whatever he chooses to get good at. Coffee. Curry. Billiards. School. Fighting. Making infiltration tools. Flower arranging. Shogi. My guy just has a big wrinkly brain.

He likes being whatever his confidants need. It doesn't feel like a burden to him, it feels rewarding. He needs to be needed, and also, the more they talk about themselves, the more they ask for his help, the more he gives them whatever facet of himself they vibe with, the less he has to reveal of his entire true self, which he has a horror of. I feel like that comes from his upbringing, that sense that people want him to be helpful, they don't want him to be him. It would suit his parents' vibe, and it's deeply embedded in Joker's psyche. It's really not healthy in the long run and it'll wear him out, but I think he chooses it. A lot of the time I see this conception of the PTs as taking and taking and never giving back. And there's some element of truth in that, I guess, but then when you max out their confidants, they all tell Joker they want to be there for him in return. And he just never takes them up on it at all. He doesn't want to.

However! I think Goro brings out something a lot closer to Joker's true self. Goro doesn't ask him for anything, Goro just challenges him, and Joker thrives when challenged--but Goro also requires kindness, especially around the midpoint of the confidant and at the end, and Joker bleeds kindness from every pore. Joker is kind and a daredevil and twisty and kind of a little shit, and Goro brings all that out. He's where Joker can be himself, even though Joker also has to navigate all the Metaverse shit while they're hanging out.

Joker doesn't feel like a fully realized person exists under all the fronts he puts on. The lyrics to Beneath the Mask put this idea in my head, and it fits, you know? If you play a part for long enough, you start to believe the act is all you are. He hasn't sat down and rationally come to this conclusion or anything, it's just a feeling he has on a really deep level. Being a wild card, switching personas back and forth and fusing them together, doesn't help.

The only way to really corrupt Joker is by playing on his fear for his friends, and even that's tough. The Yaldabaoth and Maruki bad ends are both like that, Joker caving and letting a shitty new world form because he can't bear to lose his friends. But in both endings, his friends aren't just threatened, they're already gone. Joker's watched the PTs die, he's heard Goro die. He has to be able to handle some level of threat to them, or he would be an awful leader; it's just when the worst has already happened that the game option appears for him to be unable to handle it. For an idea of what a Joker unable to handle leading the PTs into danger would look like, here's a stunning Strikers fic: Daredevil, You've Hit the Wall by ez_cookie (also solely my rec). I can 100% imagine that he might be like this after P5 canon, but it is after P5 canon. He's not like that during the game.

He is angry as fuck. He doesn't spend every hour of every day seething, but it's always there, ready to light up. He's been angry since his first arrest and it's going to take a whole lot longer than one year for him to get over it, if he ever does. He has nerves of absolute steel and is almost impossible to intimidate, though I suspect the interrogation room might have given him some specific buttons that can be pressed. But if he's not being clapped in handcuffs, like... I think of him glaring at shadow Kamoshida, which is extra disrespectful in a Japanese context, when he and Ryuji are in their dungeon cell about to be killed in a situation too surreal to comprehend. And everyone being understandably freaked out when Yaldabaoth's true form is revealed, and then you see Joker just standing there with his fists clenched.

He has specific principles that he adheres to, at times at the cost of his own safety, but sometimes the principles are not what you might expect a hero's principles to be. Morgana says, "This might kill Kamoshida btw," and Joker's just like, "I guess that's just a risk we have to take." And he lets Ann make her own decision in that regard. Arsene comes with eiha, a curse spell. Joker isn't an antihero at all, don't get me wrong, but he's a hero with a dark aspect.

He's incapable of leaving well enough alone when someone is suffering. Chasing Ann through the metro station, for one thing, and being, if you'll forgive me, very stupidly obvious about solving his confidants' problems in the Metaverse. A bleeding heart. And once he's decided to do something, he's going to do it, and good fucking luck to you if you want to stop him.

But he also enjoys messing around. He teases his friends. He plays little pranks. He bullshits with a totally straight face just to see what happens. He shows off during billiards games. He likes playing video games and reading and other normal hobbies. He's a kid, you know? A remarkable kid, but still just a kid.

In the Metaverse, he's able to be his flashier self, which is not very socially acceptable in reality, especially if you're a delinquent trying very hard not to draw attention to yourself. He has a great time showing off for his friends some more, being ruthless with shadows, and saying some truly wild things when he attacks. I think a big part of it is that he has all that anger and its only real outlet is screaming DIE, DIE, DIE as he rips into shadows. Or, more seriously, summoning all that rage out of his heart and using it to fight back the only way he can.

He comes out of the game extremely disillusioned with law enforcement and the government. One idealistic Diet member confidant isn't nearly enough to counterbalance all of That.

And venturing more into headcanon territory:

Before the conviction, he was just kind of a normal dude. He was restless, because Joker is an adrenaline junkie lol, and he often felt like he was useless. But he was just a kid who hung out with his friends, and studied, and tried to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. He'd worked out that he wanted to do something that made a difference, but that was about it. He'd never thought much about police corruption or any of that. He'd heard about it but he never really thought it would touch him...

His lawyer told him around the time of his trial that his eyes made him look like a criminal, which is where the fake glasses come from. When he isn't wearing them, his eyes are so intense, so I hc that his poor, doomed defense lawyer gave him the giant ugly glasses to kind of blunt the effect. And Joker never ever forgot those words. Your eyes make you look like a criminal. So he kept wearing them. Which is why he takes them off at the end of the game! He finally feels free of the weight of other people's judgment.

He was never super-expressive, but after his conviction he realizes that if he shields himself behind a blank face (and big fake glasses), it's almost like the people who are giving him the side-eye and gossiping about him are talking about someone else. Then that skill becomes useful when he has to hide that he's a wanted criminal lol.

He almost feels like he becomes a different person when he's Joker, not in a multiplicity sort of way but just in that the feeling of being ostracized vanishes, and it takes a lot of uncertainty and anxiety with it.

He cries when he tells Goro he'll stop Maruki. Not full-on sobbing but tears on his face. Then he lies in bed that night and tries to turn himself into someone who can march into Maruki's palace and fight with all his heart to destroy him, knowing that he's fighting to kill the guy he loves. He folds himself smaller and smaller and stuffs himself into a little corner of his mind, and the rest of him empties of everything but the necessity of what he has to do. ...which means on 2/3 he's extremely grim and businesslike all day, but he gets the fucking job done. Then he finds himself in solitary confinement with nothing to do but think about all the ways he failed Goro, so that's cool.

No matter what I do, I can't imagine a universe in which Joker doesn't have some kind of postcanon mental health crisis. Between the trauma of the interrogation room, the trauma of everything that happened with Goro, the trauma of dying in Shibuya after all his friends died in front of him, not to mention everything in the Metaverse beforehand, and how he was treated by society for a year, and how between early November and Valentine's Day he jumped from one terrifying disaster to the next worse disaster... and all the guilt he must feel for, essentially, wiping out an entire reality and murdering everyone there that was alive again, or that would have been born... Even if he stayed in Tokyo, he would crumple without the next crisis forcing him to keep it together a little longer. But he doesn't stay in Tokyo. He goes home and exchanges Sojiro for his parents, and all his friends and confidants for only Morgana.

He dissociates sometimes, even after the postcanon mental health crisis has passed. He learns it in the interrogation room, and once you've learned how to do it, you don't forget. Specifically, he feels like he's a few layers removed from everything that's happening.

More cheerfully: Like I said before, he's a little shit. He says obnoxious things and makes bad puns on purpose because it's funny when people get annoyed. He's the kind of guy who would know full well Han shot first, and because of that, look a Star Wars fan in the face and say, with utter seriousness, "Yeah, but we all know Greedo shot first."

He loves Goro for his cleverness and his bright, scintillating determination, and his cynicism, which strikes a chord in Joker after his conviction. And his devotion, as well, which Goro would think he was imagining but Joker can see it. Goro understands him, and he needs Joker's entire self: kind, giving, competitive, cynical, stubborn, sometimes provocative. And that's impossible for Joker to resist.

I'm sure there's a lot of stuff I've forgotten, but I think that's the outline of my picture of Joker. I am a torturer of characters so a lot of this is angst-focused, but I don't think Joker's entire existence is suffering. His friends bring him a lot of happiness, and his work with the Thieves is fulfilling, though maybe less so at the end.