#i've been gone for so long i didn't know pinned posts are a thing now

[lexirosewrites]

Hi Lexi!

I kind of read about your break and the fear of your hyper fixation going away. Just wanted to say that I've been through the same thing 2 months ago. I couldn't write anything at all for 6 months. I had the inspiration but not the motivation. I had stopped reading fanfictions as well even from friends. I feared that the one thing that helped me through a hard time was leaving me, which was my hyperfixation that lead me to write. I didn't want to lose it, but I felt like it was. I was ready to make a post about me just simply quitting writing because my fingers didn't cooperate.

It wasn't. I just needed a break. A long one. One day I just rewatched stranger things, and I started reading old fics, ones that I read that made me get into writing for the Fandom. I did things I did back in May 2022. Even lighting candles of the scent I used back then. Music as well.

After that, one day I sat down, and the words came through by themselves. It's not in the magnitude they were before. That I know. I'm not the same person from 2 years ago, but just because you cannot write now, doesn't mean you won't ever be able to.

It will get better, you just need to find that love again, however you find it necessary to do so 💓 I just simply went back in time.

You don't have to answer this, I just wanted you to know that I understand your fear, but just because it's not as intense, it means that is gone. 💕

You'll find your way back! Just give yourself time, all that you need! Be it weeks, months or a year, just don't beat yourself up for it. You are human after all 💖

i love to hear this! it’s so hard to pin point why i started writing in the first place, but i think i had a lot of feelings to process back then… and now that i’ve said them, my brain is empty? who knows!

i will say my job has been making me especially miserable lately, but i’m officially putting in my two week resignation notice tomorrow! i’ve decided to quit nursing entirely and i got a job teaching math and science for middle schoolers, which is so exciting! it is a huge change for me, but i think it will be a good thing and hopefully put me in a better mind space to enjoy hobbies again💛

[captainfaithful]

hiii welcome to my blog i guess!

You can call me Cap'n. Internet skeleton and CEO of bisexual lighting. She/Her. I love to draw and play games and pretty much nothing else.

I've been on Tumblr for six years before deleting my account in early 2020. I'm back here because every website is dying lol. But I'm having a good time so far!

If you found me from twitter/twitch welcome! You're not obligated to follow me, but if you do, expect a lot of fandom art and silliness on your dash ;P

I also post my art on @faithfuldrawsthings! Feel free to check out my art and give me a follow ^^

Minors/Ageless do not interact and TERFS, SWERFS and bigots can fuck off thanks <3

[charlotte-zophie]

Therapy conversation

Dear Fandom, dear Mr. Gaiman,

I hope this isn´t weird but i have something to confess.

Since I watched the second season of Good Omens, I've gone through so many phases that I barely recognize myself anymore.

My first reaction after episode 6 was shock, then I was disturbed because I didn't know that it was possible for a series to have such a strong influence on my psyche, I questioned myself and doubted my sanity. Then I was overcome by an incredible sadness and was really heartbroken. I felt like a pubescent teenager, in my mid-30s. I couldn't sleep properly for several days, had nightmares and my thoughts were with these two ineffable loving idiots the whole time.

And the worst thing about it was that for the first few days I was really ashamed to admit to myself and my husband that I was completely and hopelessly immersed in this world. I did nothing but watch videos, listen to sad songs, and read heartbreaking fanfictions for days. And of course I read the book again and watched the series over and over again. All in the hope that it will ease my heartache a little.

But as is often the case in these situations, after a few days in which no real change occurs, you have the thought that you will be lost in this feeling forever. But since I have 3 children that I need to look after, of course locking myself away for weeks with heartbreak wasn't an option, so I had to find an outlet for myself to channel my pain.

So I started painting a picture. By Aziraphale and Crowley. And stroke by stroke I let my feelings flow out of me and into the picture.

It took over a week until I had a motif in which I could see my thoughts and feelings expressed and then it took another week until I finished the picture. On an old canvas with paints that haven't been used for a long time, with many, many layers of old paint underneath.

But when the picture was finally finished, it really took a load off my mind. It was like I had broken a dam and was finally able to let it all out and convert it into creative energy.

But I think the most important thing was that I uploaded the picture to Tumblr and received such a response that I was incredibly touched and immediately motivated to paint more pictures.

Since that day, hardly a moment goes by when I am not holding a pen in my hand or not thinking about a new picture. I'm in one of the most creative phases in a very long time and I'm really enjoying it.

I am so grateful for the wonderful people here! Here I see that I'm not alone with my strange feelings that I still don't really know how to classify. Here I read thoughts that are so similar to mine, here I see works of art that melt my heart, here I feel understood!

And I am so grateful for the pain that showed me the way back to my creative energy!

Thank you Fandom!

Thank you Neil Gaiman!

I would have been lost without you!

Because I don't know my way around here very well, I didn't think about pinning the picture in question as a link when I created this post, but since many people have asked about it, I've pinned it here. Thank you all, love love love

[gilmore-angel]

unexpected pleasures || A.T x fem!reader

summary ♱ reader has just wed the infamous aemond targaryen, and though she's nervous, she will soon discover there are many pleasurable things to come (tldr reader gets finger fucked good)

warnings/contains ♱ arranged marriage, awkwardness at first, smut obvi, sub!reader dom!aemond, fingering, praise kink!! use of good girl, pretty girl, wife. overall very fluffy!! soft!aemond<3. let me know if I should add anything else!!

authors note ♱ okok this is probably trash but I'm literally forcing myself to write rn<3 lol anyways this is also my first time actually writing for aemond which is crazy bc I've been obsessed with him since like early January💀. if you enjoy please reblog! likes are obviously appreciated but reblogs are the thing that actually help the writer<3 oh and lmk if you want a part two!!

navigation 𔓕 follow and turn on notifications for @baysfics to know when I post my writings

married life isn't so bad after all.

of course, you've only been married for about three hours now, but it's going better than expected, which at this point is all you can hope for.

your new husband, prince aemond, has been quite pleasant thus far. you have only had roughly six full conversations since you were betrothed two months ago, but based off of them he was very polite and well educated.

though you had dreaded the wedding day, everything had gone smoothly. the ceremony itself was a big event, full of lords and ladies you didn't even know the house of, all eager to get on the new princesses good side. and of course there was the kiss you shared with aemond, one that sent an unknown feeling through you, settling at your lower belly. and now, the grand feast to celebrate the union.

it had less people there, only family and the very important houses were allowed to attend. you sat at the table in the middle, sitting in the center along with your husband. on your other side sat your father, mother and siblings, the same went for aemond. your husband stayed mostly silent during the feast, only speaking when spoken to.

your belly slightly ached with nerves for what was coming next; the bedding. thankfully, the queen had insisted upon a private bedding, just as she did for her other children when they wed. the action soothed your nerves a bit, but they still clung to you.

you had been warned by your mother that the bedding was an uncomfortable and painful process for the woman. but she also informed you that it is something all woman must do to please their lord husband and produce heirs.

you felt your heart sink when the king stood up weakly to announce it was time for you and aemond to head to your chambers. you both stood up and gave your goodbyes, your mother giving you a reassuring smile before you left.

there was an awkward silence as you walked with your husband to your chambers, escorted by guards. you glanced at him, only to see him looking straight ahead, blank expression on his handsome face.

once you arrived the guards pushed open the heavy wooden doors. you gave them a small smile in thanks before aemond dismissed them. as the doors closed aemond let out a small shaky sigh, you couldn't tell if it was out of nervousness or dread. you both stood awkwardly, unsure of where to begin. he spoke first, breaking the deafening silence.

"would you like help taking down your hair?" he blurted out. you nodded, giving him a awkward small smile.

"please," you moved past him to sit at the vanity. you began taking out the many odd placed pins and braids in your hair. aemond came up from behind you to start assisting in the process. the feeling of his long fingers in your hair made up for the times he would accidentally tugged too hard trying to take down the hairstyle. you both worked in silence, the only word spoken was his occasional 'sorry's when he would notice you wince.

now that your hair was down, the room was once again filled with an thick silence. eventually you stood up, turning to face him. you sucked in a breath, looking up at him nervously.

"should i..... should I remove my clothes, my prince?"

his eyes widened at the question, but he nodded, "yes, my lady... I can help."

he moved behind you, undoing the laces of the dress with shaky fingers. the gorgeous dress fell to the floor, pooling around your feet. you stepped out of the dress, leaving you in a silky shift and small clothes. you felt quite vulnerable as you begun taking your shift off, even more so once it was gone.

aemond let out a shaky breath at the sight of you in nothing but your small clothes. he looks up and down your body, desire filling his eye. he walks closer to you, looking deep into your eyes.

"may I kiss you, my lady?" he asked, his usual cold tone gone, now replaced with a soft, caring one. you nod, eyes wide.

aemond smiled softly before leaning down and kissing your soft lips. this kiss was unlike the other one you both had shared just hours before. this one was out of pure want, not obligation.

you gasp softly against his lips when he deepened the kiss, your hands flying up to his strong shoulders. his hands found home on your hips. he pulled away just enough to whisper against your lips, "is this okay?"

you nod, staring up at him with wide eyes. "yes, my prince, I just... I don't really know how to do this properly."

he smiles at you softly, moving one of his hands to caress your cheek gently.

"that's okay, just copy what I do, okay?"

he leans back in, kissing at a slow pace. his lips are soft and warm against your own. you feel something wet poking at your bottom lip and soon realize it's his tongue. you open your mouth slightly and gasp when he slides his tongue in, exploring where he can reach. the sensation causes a soft whimper to fall from your lips.

he begins pushing you backwards gently until the back of your knees hit the edge of the plush bed behind you, causing you to lay down on it. to your surprise, aemond gets on his knees before you and pulls you down so your legs hang off the bed. leaning up on your elbows you look down at him extremely confused. "my prince... what are you doing?"

he simply smiled and blushed, "let me know if you wish to stop, okay my lady?". his big calloused hands went up and down your thighs, pulling them apart. you laid back, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes. his hands eventually found their way to your small clothes.

"may I remove these, my lady?" one hand continued rubbing you thigh gently. you hum and nod. that wasn't good enough apparently and aemond lightly pinched your thigh. "words, wife. I need to hear some words out of those pretty lips."

you blushed deeply, taking a deep breath, "yes, please take them off."

he smiles, murmuring under his breath "good girl". you felt a tingle in your lower belly, growing each time he touched or talked to you.

he carefully slid your small clothes off, throwing them somewhere in the room. he sucked in a big breath at the sight of your bare cunt. you squirmed slightly, his gaze lighting you on fire almost.

"may I touch you, wife?" he spoke softly, a poorly hidden desire behind the words.

you nod but quickly remember what he told you. "yes, you may."

with one hand he softly rubbed your thigh, with the other he rubbed one finger up and down your lips, pushing past them and exploring the wet outside. your back slightly arched at the unknown but not unwelcomed feeling. he moved his finger higher until he found your clit. a high pitched whimper escaped your lips at his soft but achingly good touch.

he looked up at you with a sweet smile. "does that feel nice, wife?". his finger moved in gentle circles, pressing ever so slightly.

a few breathy whimpers and moans slipped out of your mouth. "yes," you breathed, "so so nice..."

he let out a hmm, continuing his movements. he moved his finger up and down, gathering your wetness and then spreading it around your sensitive clit. as he rubbed on your bundle of nerves, his other hand came up, softly pressing against your slit.

"this may feel strange, my lady, but I promise it'll feel so good soon, okay?" he pushed a long thick finger into your previously untouched hole, groaning at how tight you were. your back arched off the bed as a loud moan rang around the room. he slowly started moving it in and out, sending waves of pleasure through your body when he curled his finger upwards. your gummy walls tightened around him, almost as tight as he cock felt in his trousers.

he looked up to see your reaction, smiling when he saw your head thrown back in pleasure. soft whimpers left your mouth as his movements quickened.

"may I add a second finger, sweet girl?" something about the way he said the affectionate name sent chills down your spine as you slightly bucked against his hand.

"hmmph, yes, yes please husband." he smirked as he added a second finger. he pumped them in and out fast, his other hand still focused on your puffy clit.

suddenly a new feeling hit you. like some sort of knot in your belly, ready to explode any second. a panicked expression washed over you at the strange sensation.

"aemond, aemond! something is, fuck, happening!" you cried desperately, clenching the sheets beneath you hard.

"shh, it's okay, it'll feel so good. just let it happen sweet girl." it was too much and too little, it was overwhelming yet you needed more. it hurt but felt so so right.

before you could reply waves and waves of pleasure washed over you, drowning you in the feeling of him. your whole body shook, hips bucking wildly into his hand. creamy white cum drooled onto his fingers and hand. he groaned at the sight and fucked you through your peak.

he eventually slid his hand out and climbed up the bed, hovering over you. he brought his cum covered fingers to you mouth, "open," he commanded softly, sucking in a shaky breath when you wrapped you lips around them. he pulled them out, moving to caress your cheek, "such a good girl."

he began kissing your neck, trailing his hand back down to your thighs. you whimpered sweetly causing him to chuckle.

"oh, sweet wife, we are just getting started."

[all-wrung-out]

Whumpblr Intro

Hey! I've gone far too long without actually making an intro, despite having this side blog up for a bit. So here we go!

I go by Tac when I'm interacting online (my main blog is calligraphic-tac, and that's my chaos-corner where I try to post things I like, things that inspire me, and my more general writing, when I can actually get words out). Pronouns are she/her, although they/them are good backups.

I've been into whump for as long as I can remember, but in my 33 years on the planet, I only learned last year that there's a whole community for it. I'd heard the term "whump" before, and kind of knew what it was, but never made the connection to the type of media I like.

There are some whump tropes that I'll always enjoy, but the favorite flavor of the week is usually on rotation from the following list:

Superhero whump

Kidnapping

Defiant/Stoic/Strong/Snarky Whumpees

Self-sacrificial Whumpee

Pushing oneself until collapse (especially for Heroes/Leaders)

Whumpers who feign rage, but are actually very calculated and careful in their treatment of Whumpee

Whumpers who actually lose their temper, especially when triggered by a defiant whumpee

Team whump

Non-human Whumpee (especially when it pertains to the good, old-fashioned "what makes us human" trope)

Drug/poison whump (Fucked up balance and altered perception, anyone?)

Medical whump (specifically, medical treatment, but "This is gonna hurt.")

Lab whump (especially testing the limits of a living weapon or attempting to forcibly manifest powers that may or may not exist)

The good, old-fashioned Beating trope

Pinned/Trapped

Drowning/asphyxiation

Environmental/Wilderness whump (extreme temperatures and survival)

Animal attacks

Used as bait

Infected wounds (especially when it comes to treatment of said wounds)

Self-surgery or self-care

Mind control (Specifically, conflict between Whumper/Whumpee within Whumpee's mind while Whumper tries to take control. OH! And Whumper causing Whumpee to experience things that didn't happen; I have a really neat story idea for this one!)

I'm sure I'm missing some, but I suppose I can amend this post when I remember some more. Some of my whump tastes are also kind of specific, so listing them concisely can be a challenge.

Not going to list my squicks here. (As the saying goes: "If you don't want someone to get your goat, don't let them know where it's tied.") However, if you're looking for NSFW-type whump, I don't typically write that. (Not for other folks, anyway; I'm rather terrible at it.)

I used to write a lot as a kid, but was often ashamed of my affinity for whump, so any time I tried to write it, I chickened out and wrote something else. I still wrote plenty of action and peril, but the whump was usually not as heavy as I initially imagined.

I've also been in a bit of a writing slump for... oh, goodness... It's going on 14 years now. I really want to get out of it, so I'm hoping whump writing will help.

Fun fact about me: A lot of my stories are grown from a kernel of whump. I think of a specific scenario I want to put an OC through, and then a whole story grows out of it.

Some of my favorite whump blogs include: @whump-me @whumperofworlds @allthewhumpygoodness @emmithar-blog @soheavyaburden @whumperfultime @roblingoblin285 @blackrosesandwhump @evilwriter-originals I'm still collecting whump blogs to follow, so feel free to interact if you're one such blog!

Also, I'm going to be rusty as hell, so please bear with me while I get my writing brain reinstalled in the ol' skull-housing.

Last thing (I know this post is long already): I've seen the way the whump community interacts and I'm happy to be a part of it. I'm not especially social myself, but I'm nonetheless proud to be part of such an amazing group of folks. Keep rockin', y'all!

[lottyeh]

hey everyone! i didn't realise i hadn't properly been on here since june so i wanted to make a little update post to say how i'm doing. if you're new here, none of the stuff i'm talking about here is fantasy. i'm just a bit weird and am exploring real detra.nsition using kink hahaha

i've been off T for 255 days, or over 8 months, now! i've not got any changes that stuck around, thank god, so i look completely female, like i was never on T at all.

i haven't worn a binder in just about as long, i don't even know where in my room it is anymore. i've been wearing bras every day and any chest dysphoria i had is totally gone, i've taken to showing them off and showing cleavage and stuff which has been really fun! i also wear skirts or dresses much more often than i don't and wear makeup every day. none of this, surprisingly, has made me dysphoric at all?

i've started a new college course and haven't introduced myself to anyone using he/him so they're all using she/her for me! i've taken the pronouns out of all of my bios and "accidentally lost" my pronoun pin so there's literally nothing to correct them.

literally the only thing between me and being totally detran.sitioned is telling people i know. that probably won't come for a long while yet but otherwise i'm presenting totally female. it's a lot of fun! you should try it if you haven't <3

update: hi again! adding onto this a little while later to say i've started coming out as detran.sitioning irl!! kind of. i'm letting everyone new i meet assume she/her and telling everyone i already know that i don't care about pronouns anymore. everyone i've told that to so far has immediately defaulted to she/her. it's felt great! i still need to confront my birth name but that's a task for later me. i'm just celebrating what i've managed so far!

[girlfromenglishclass]

What's your opinion on Electra? I've just finished Jennifer Saint's book and I was reminded why I've always disliked her. She didn't seem to be upset her elder sister is dead, her father is a saint in her eyes and Clytemnestra is suddenly the bad person here?

I'm VERY glad you asked this question, because it gives me a chance to talk about the saddest girl with nobody to love her.

For the record, I do NOT believe Jennifer Saint did justice to Elektra in her book. I strongly prefer Claire North's depictions of her in The Songs of Penelope. Saint did her dirty. She simplified her into a girl who doesn't like her mom when Elektra is much more. She's really the only bystander in the complex web of the House of Atreus, the moral problem presented by the acts.

Let's look at what Anne Carson says about her.

Elektra has reason to be loyal to her father. From her perspective, he is the king of kings, and she is his daughter. He's been gone long enough that she only knows his mythos. His evil is removed from her, but Clytemnestra can be blamed because she's present.

The most important thing across Elektra's characterization is that she's alone.

In the years of war, Clytemnestra's grief has clearly grown around her in a way that makes her inaccessible to her children. Now, I love Clytemnestra, I will never not love her, but the reason why I love her is that the House of Atreus is deeply cursed and everyone is beset with darkness.

Even the chorus thinks so

Elektra's grief over Iphigenia isn't really addressed, but it's implied that she's too young to remember her. What she does remember though is what was left of the house when her father left. So it makes sense that she pinned all her hopes on happiness on her father's return.

Something I've mentioned in other posts is that the logic that Orestes uses to justify killing Clytemnestra is the same logic that Clytemnestra uses to kill Agamemnon. They killed my kin, so I kill them; it's justice. What we as Clytemnestra lovers have to admit is that if she is right, so it he. It's the nature of the bloodcurse.

The hypothetical love of her father is preferred to the distance of her real mother. Even if we love her, Elektra does not. Elektra would rather be with the dead than the living.

[firefly--bright]

flaws.

jean kirstein x gender neutral!reader

in which; it's a cool night, but jean warms you, body and mind.

warnings : self indulgent so.... proceed w caution. mentions (slightest) of nudity and sex (this fic is completely sfw, don't worry :) ), kind of sad-ish hurt/comfort type fic.

a/n : something short to satiate the lack of fics this month it might take alot longer than expected for me to post the other fics!!!! i promise I'm working on them but they're super duper long and not to mention heavy. thank you for being patient with me (*´ω｀*) this was going to be a part of belonging but i decided to scrap it cause i didn't know how it would fit in the fic. enjoy!

taglist : @mrsnobodynobody

✿ enter my taglist ✿ requests are open! ✿ masterlist is in pinned navigation ✿

the grass was damp as you sat on it, and jean's presence was much like your own - persistent.

you don't speak for a minute and the silence stretches far beyond the time you share. it says more than it needs to. it says he's here for you. it says i can see you in a crowded room. it says I'll be there for you if you let me.

the minute passes. jean nudges your shoulder with his before he speaks. "I've never really seen you ask for help." he states, like it's one of the universal truths, which it might as well be.

you shrug. "I'm stubborn."

there's more to it. there's always been more to the things you say, and what you want to say is that asking for help inherently meant asking for forgiveness, asking for help meant you were guilty of not wanting it. when you do end up building your courage, finally untying the knot your tongue has made, the 'help' never shows. you ask for help to the space, to the walls, to the mirror, expecting to find someone there. some solace.

there's no hesitation in his voice when he decided to answer your unsaid question.

"i like that you're stubborn," he shrugs like it's a feature and not a flaw. "it means your love isn't going anywhere."

there's a beat. the same silence. then, "i never saw it like that." comes from your lips with a gentle exhale.

his lips quirk up slightly. the smile doesn't meet his eyes but the corners of them squint anyway. you love that about him; his eyes speak more than his expressions or face or words or hands do. you love more that you're probably the only one who can decipher the code in his eyes.

they look at you now, only now, you can't see what he's saying in them. you can never tell when or if someone is loving you or has decided on giving up, and even now you want to shake his shoulders and ask if there's something he wants from you. if there's a reason he's sticking around. if there's a reason he sees a use in you.

his hand grazes the top of yours and you note how his palms are warm against the cooling night. his hand lays there, on top of yours - persistent.

you figure it's your turn to speak again. there's no difficulty in your voice, none of the reluctance or hesitation that comes with talking to other people. it's easy with him, you realise. your mind doesn't run rampant with an overload of questions; ifs and buts and whens and whys.

"how can you say that so confidently?" you ask. you don't really mean to, because everything jean says is mostly true. he's honest almost to a fault and you have no doubt he meant what he said only because he's seen you, because he's been so close to you.

he shrugs again. his other hand - he refuses to remove the hand laid on top of yours - weaves through his hair beautifully. the action itself might have left you mesmerized if it wasn't for what he says next.

" 'cause i know you."

there's a sort of intimacy that comes with words. intimacy that no amount of nudity can get you. you could lay in your sweat after a long night under the covers but you could never hear the sincerity that comes with something like this. it's no secret jean loves you; you can tell because you know him. there's something special about him knowing you, though. when you've gone long enough without the comfort of being loved, you start to doubt if anyone has ever known you. but you find yourself wrapped in that comfort now, with him. he knows you. you remember the one time you told him about how you read this excerpt from some book you barely remember the name of, that loving someone meant knowing them. loving someone meant seeing them in their light, no matter how dim or strong, and choosing to know them. choosing to hear them.

he's choosing too. he chose you.

you smile the way he always makes you smile. his eyes, in all their glory, look at you like they always have.

your hand turns from under his, palm facing his own. your fingers move to curl as his eagerly do the same around yours.

for the first time you feel the reciprocal. you feel your love rooting itself in his mind and his in yours.

you feel both; persistence and stubbornness. for the first time, his flaw is met with a smile.

for the first time, your flaw is met with understanding.

for the first time, you are both loved.

✿

[minniethemoocherda]

Iridescent: Chapter 16

A/N: I'm not really happy with this chapter. I've been thinking about this scene basically since I came up with the fic and I perhaps because I've been imagining it so long I'll never get it exactly how I want it. IDK. Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed it! XXxxxxx

FF.net

Ao3

Jazz had barely been gone for a week, but Prowl hadn't noticed the role the spy played in keeping up base morale until it was gone. 

Many of the mechs on board the Ark had known Bumblebee since he was a newspark and their overwhelming distress with no immediate outlet had lead to Prowl having to throw more than one mech into the brig for fighting. 

Prowl was surprised to find that he himself was affected by Jazz's absence. He hadn't realised how much the spy had become part of his daily routine what with all their shared reports and overlapping responsibilities. That was until his HUD alerted him to his dangerously low fuel levels as he had spent an entire day in his office without Jazz to trick him into taking a fuel break. Prowl was even surprised to find himself disappointed that they would miss their scheduled chess match. 

His relief when he learnt that Jazz had returned with Bumblebee was short lived as Prowl had quickly been forced to set up an impromptu security detail around the med-bay so that Ratchet could work in peace without being stormed by an army of worried soldiers. Thankfully, by the evening, news had spread that Ratchet had been able to stabilise the young mech and Prowl finally had enough free time to complete his post mission check in with Jazz. 

Or at least he would if he could actually find the mech. 

Prowl had checked his office, the rec room and even the med bay again. But there was no sign of the spy anywhere. Using his powers of deduction, Prowl calculated that there was only place left that Jazz could be. His room. 

Prowl knocked on a door that had been adorned with old band stickers and movie posters who's stars were all long dead by now. There was no answer. Prowl knocked again, more firmly this time. But still there was no reply. 

He tried Jazz's comm link for what felt like the millionth time that day and was unsurprised when this too wielded an unsuccessful result. 

Prowl was about to knock again when he heard a crash from the other side of the door. 

"Commander?" Prowl called out. 

The responding crash was not a good sign. 

At worst fearing that a Deception had managed to track the spy home and attack him in his quarters, Prowl entered his emergency override code and barged the door open.

Prowl had never been to Jazz's room before, so he wasn't sure what he expected it to be like. Perhaps covered more in of the band and movie posters like it had been adorned on the outside. But he certainly had not expected it to look like this. 

Jazz's room was beyond a mess. It was a wreck. It appeared as though someone had literally been tearing at the walls and the stench of highgrade was palpable even from the door. It didn't take a genius to determine that it was emanating from the broken cubes and empty bottles that were smashed all over the floor

Although the wrecked state of the room that was nothing compared to Jazz himself. The spy was shaking as he huddled in the corner, somehow smaller than Prowl had ever seen him before. In his obviously over-charged state, he must not have heard Prowl previous attempts at communication.  

“Are you alri-” 

Before Prowl’s processor could even comprehend what was happening, Jazz had him pinned against the wall, vibro blade stabbed into the metal next to his head. 

The first thing that Prowl's brain registered was that the edge of the blade was coated in the crystals of spilt energon. He did not know who's it previously belonged to. 

Prowl forced his attention back to his fellow commander. Jazz’s eyes were hidden under his visor but even with it being barely two inches from his face, Prowl could tell that whatever the spy was glaring it, it was not at him. It was looking at something that neither of them could see. 

This was not the first time Prowl had been witness to what was now obviously an episode of PTSD. Bluestreak had suffered from many such attacks times after the destruction of Praxus. Although Bluestreak's usually resulted in an uncharacteristic silence, not an attempt at violence. Still Prowl determined that following a similar routine to what he previously did with Bluestreak was the best cause of option. 

“You are on the Ark. You are in your room. And you are safe." Prowl stated, trying not to gag on the stench of waste that overwhelmed him after he opened his mouth. 

Jazz didn’t respond the first time, his visor glassy as coolant leaked from under its rim. He didn’t respond the second time either But by the third, the glassy look had lessened, and despite not being able to see his optics, Prowl could tell that Jazz's eyes were actually looking into Prowl’s even if what they were seeing was still someone else. 

Suddenly Jazz shoved him away and threw the knife so hard it embedded itself to the hilt into the wall. 

Prowl watched as Jazz stalked back and forth across the room, growling nonsense to himself like a caged animal as energon leaking between his seams, splattering the floor in a illuminated coat of pink. 

It wasn't until Prowl's battle computer informed him that Jazz had whether intentionally or not blocked the door, that Prowl realised how much danger he was in.

He had vowed that he wouldn't be swayed by they spy's charisma like the rest of their army had. However, it was now apparent that he too had unwittingly been left defenceless in the wake of Jazz's charms. 

Prowl couldn't help glancing at the knife embedded into the wall. He calculated that his chance of survival relied entirely on it. 

“Have you ever been tortured mech?” Jazz asked suddenly, startling Prowl from his thoughts. 

“No.” Prowl replied.

“Wouldn’t recommend it.” Jazz laughed without any of his usual warmth, the noise coming out delirious and fake. “I did recommend Bumblebee though. I didn't even realise that I had been moulding him into the perfect agent. I sent him on his mission. And I-” Jazz looked down at his fists, balled so tight that Prowl worried the joints would snap. "I did this to him." 

“Megatron was the one who hurt Bumblebee. Not you.” Prowl reminded him, keeping his sights trained on the spy as he tried to creep slowly to the opposite side of the room. 

Jazz gave no outwards appearance that he had heard his words. But he also gave no indication that he hadn't either so Prowl took his chance.

“What do you need Jazz?" he asked "Do you want me to call someone for you?” 

“I can’t fuck Mirage.” 

“Okay”. Prowl was not even going to attempt to decipher the meaning behind that. “I can call Rung?”

As Prowl went to look up the ship’s therapist on his wrist screen, the knife appeared again. This time at his throat. Jazz’s other hand surrounded his wrist. That glossy look returning to his visor. 

“You can’t!" Jazz begged. "If you tell Rung, he’s gonna take me off missions again and he can’t- I can’t- I need-" Jazz struggled to find his words as his vents tripped over each other in a fight to breathe. "You- you can’t tell anyone about this!”

One trait that Prowl had to reluctantly admit he had always admired about Jazz was that no matter the situation, he always exuded an aura of being in total control. That semblance of an aura was now shattered at the sight of the pleading, crying mess of a mech in front of him. 

Prowl clasped his free hand over were Jazz’s was currently wrapped around his arm, hoping it would ground him to their reality. 

“What friends am I going to tell?” Prowl replied in honesty. 

Jazz barked out a laugh. It was harsh and shrill to Prowl’s audio receptors but it was real. 

“Was that a fucking joke? Commander Prowl making jokes? Primus the world really is collapsing in on itself.” That glassy look hadn't entirely gone from Jazz’s visor. But it at least appeared to have shocked him back to this plane of existence as he finally backed away, dropping the knife and letting his other arm go limp, even if his hand still clung to Prowl’s wrist. 

Prowl waited a few minute as Jazz’s breath caught up with his vents, until his breathing was relatively even and the room was almost bathed in silence. 

“What do you need Jazz?” Prowl asked once again. 

“I don’t know.” They were barely above a whisper, but those three words were probably the most truthful Jazz had ever been with him. 

Jazz seemed to finally realise that he was still holding onto Prowl's arm as he snatched his servo back, eyes widening at the small crack in Prowl’s wrist screen. 

To be honest, Prowl hadn’t even noticed it cracking. It didn't even hurt. He’d done more damage accidentally bumping into a desk before. And it wasn't as if this was the worst injury Jazz had ever given him. The scar on his arm stung with the reminder. But drawing attention to that would be more likely to unsettle Jazz further which would not be good for Prowl's odds of survival. Before Prowl could try to diffuse the situation on his own Jazz spoke. 

“You should go.” He said, now refusing to look at Prowl at all. 

Despite his battle computer telling him that he should run, Prowl hesitated. 

Jazz was far still from function at a state of normality but thankfully he was more stable then when he had arrived. 

Yet for some reason, a part of Prowl that didn’t belong to his processor, didn’t want to leave the mech alone. 

However it was impossible to argue with his logic circuits and Prowl knew that leaving was the only way to ensure his spark kept beating.

So with one last look at the mech that Prowl now realised that he knew next to nothing about, he left. 

[unorcadox]

UNORCADOX

howdy, i'm mabel! it's the 3 year anniversary of unorcadox today, so i've prepared a decent bit of surprises. (and yes that means i started this blog in 2020, which is terrifying to think about.) i'll go into those new things under the cut, but first... check out the carrd linked in the header text of this post :3c

sooo soo so so so where on earth do i begin. uhh honestly let me just break down the new stuff first since i can talk about that more easily.

THE NEW LOOK! ok so like truth be told, i've been a faceless blog on purpose up until now. it wasn't until this summer where i actually liked how i looked or had any solid sense of my own aesthetic or what i wanted to look like. it also made it easier to protect against dysphoria and transphobes in the same breath, as no one could ever comment on any aspect of my appearance, or even the mere suggestion i even had one to begin with! but that all changes now, i'm going to actually have a presence on this blog, as it is MY blog and tbh i'm tired of being so faceless on here. that's why i've been doing more asks and non-edit posts recently, and those will increase in frequency. check out the carrd for more info, my sona's ref, and art credits for assets on here <3

mondays -> MUSIC MONDAYS! so it might come as a shock i'm actually a musician in addition to making stuff on here! i've promoted my music a couple of times by now, but nothing all that substantial. sooo, considering that, i'm going to be replacing monday oc posts with a music post! just a link to a song on my bandcamp and a little description about it. i don't really care if these perform particularly well, but i want to give people a chance to actually hear it without having to deep dive through my entire internet history to get it. i also will be releasing more soon-- whether via compilations of older work or new stuff altogether :3

MORE IN THE FUTURE! i have a couple other ideas up my sleeve, we'll see how they pan out but i wanna keep trying new possibilities on here. i think at this point i've proven my consistency, and it's about time i let myself have a little fun and explore my options. these will be announced individually but probably added here over time as this is the new pinned post lol.

----- ----- -----

ok so anyways, i do wanna have the mandatory sappy segment because of course i do. i want to say a couple of things but i'll split them into bullet points again bc yeah i do that.

this year has been really good for me and the blog, in most ways it's been the straight up best year of my life uncontested. not everything has gone perfectly, i had other plans that fell through, but hey that's just how life goes huh. at one point, i was easily projected to hit 20k by the end of the year, and now i'll be happy if i hit 17k lol. tumblr has not been that kind to my blog's growth this year and it's making me consider other options in the future, but everything's so scary rn i don't wanna commit to anything.

as for the blog itself, i've kinda been in a weird spot with it for a while. i've been scraping by on here intermittently for the entire year on and off, and i might have some ways to help keep me on top of the ball during the next year, but i also do wonder how long i can really keep doing this, and how long people will still like weirdcore and my work in particular. i've been considering branching out in terms of my presentation, or format, or style, but i feel incredibly weird about doing so.

in my personal life, this is the year i finally started transitioning and seeking treatment for my most pressing issues. i've finally started dating the love of my life, my best friend of 10 years, and despite some interpersonal turmoil all around me, i think i'm finally finding safe ground and knowing what i wanna do next. i don't really talk about it on here because i'm very private about it, but i've been kinda slowly becoming like a Real Adult Person this year. i didn't really have much of a chance to prior and i still am struggling a lot, but hey i know what i want now!

it's really silly to say but this blog still means a lot to me! it's seen me through the craziest times in my entire life, it's brought me so much perspective and knowledge and opportunities i wouldn't've had otherwise. i wake up every day and go on here and never stop feeling starstruck that people chose to follow me. i know tumblr success means nothing but to me it's the only community i've ever actually belonged to, so thank you all.

ok so like i really just don't have much else to say anymore, so i think i'll end it there! thank you all again, i can't wait for year 4 as it's going to definitely be a crazy one lol. let's hope it's a good one too!

[uncannyalien]

Asking some AU comp competitors & supporters:

- Are there any AUs you weren't familiar with that have recently caught your attention, or that you would like to learn more about?

- What are some AUs/fanworks that you enjoy, and would encourage more people to go check out? (Doesn't have to be in the comp!)

Oh Stars, where do I begin?

The server of the competition is full of so many creators, many of whom I have never met or known of their AUs before(I'm still quite new to the fandom), and it's been great engaging with all of them!

I can't list every single AU I wanna learn more about, there's too many!

I'm very intrigued by Aberration by probablynotarutabega whom I'm going up against in the coming bracket, and I literally spent some time today reading what they have available so I could get to know it better! I hope we're at least able to team up!

There's also the Revelations Timeline AU by idk im just here now who has a really cool insight into how the Krang and the magic system works in their AU! I'd like to say we've become friends over this little time

Of course I have to talk up some of my friends AUs!

Minecraft Isekaid by songdrop (who has teamed up with Mitosis by Varian_dislikes_cheese) is a really cool AU about the rise boys getting stuck in Minecraft but as they explore things are not quite how they know. They're incredibly talented at art and storytelling and have so many ideas it's absolutely insane!

There's also the Soulmates(Evil) AU by Evan that's heavy Mikey angst and it's wonderful to see the other characters beating up MeatSweats

Oh dear this is gonna be long isn't it ehe. There's just too many to count!

The Employees is done by multiple folks and follows a collective of OCs that work for Senior Hueso

Minor Interference by bambiraptorx is on my To Read list where the turtles accept Draxum's offer of training with him

As for ones that are not in the competition I have many suggestions:

Clean up Crew also by songdrop, a small fic that's part of his like, 6 AUs in one universe the guy's an idea machine!

I discovered A Mirror's Reflection by ratsistryingtheirbest here on Tumblr as just a "what if" post and I may or may not have sort of dared them into making it. And it's really good! A rise Future AU where Leo, Mikey, and CJ are sent to another reality post-apocalypse where their brothers survived. And won the war.

The Nexus Heir by ItzCoffee is a fun AU where Leo gets manipulated into Big Mama's care

I'm not particularly one for fics that have romance/shipping or the Next Generation trope, but Little Warrior by NovelistServant is a proud exception for me. This is an AU where Future Raph gets sent back in time with a baby CJ and things sure do happen. Prepare to cry, prepare to laugh, prepare to cry again but happy this time. I've read it twice

A Tale of Spirits by unorthodoxx recently updated and I'm so excited with where the story is going. You like turtles? You like ATLA? You're gonna like this one

And last but certainly not least, I'd be remiss if I didn't shameless plug my own AU: Remember Forever. I've written plenty of stories before but this is my first fanfiction and it's the longest project I've had so far. It's a post-season 2 pre-movie rise AU where Mikey discovers an alien(that is definitely not my self-insert) and shenanigans ensue. You can of course learn more at my masterpost which is pinned on my blog and by giving it a read! I'm trying my best to write some fluff while also acknowledging that these characters have Gone Through Things.

There are so many more AUs than these that I've mentioned so seriously go check everyone out! Thanks so much for the ask and I wish everyone a great time in the competition!

[xerith-42]

~cha cha slides into the room~

May I ask about some shadow knight angst or shadow king angst ?????? Also thanks for sharing your OC you’re very passionate about them and it’s good to see writers happy about their creations.

~Cha cha slides out of the room~

First off, I'm so glad you enjoyed my endless ramblings about her. I am so passionate about this character I forgot I made her an entire pin board that's fokin massive, so feel free to breeze through that if it's to your liking.

Now for some Shadow Knight angst... [friendly reminder I am not a mental health expert, most of what I touch upon in this post comes from wikipedia deep dives and personal experiences. DO NOT take any of what I say here as professional advice or diagnoses, I am literally just a freakazoid on the internet]

Something I've definitely ruminated on but never made a coherent post about is how shadow knights probably struggle a LOT with derealization/depersonalization. I mean, both of them are potential symptoms one might experience after prolonged trauma, stress, or anxiety like say being dragged into literal hell and raised into undeath and then forced to kill that which you love most. Furthermore, if Gene fucked with their memories at all then they have even more doubts. And on top of all of that the time distortion from the Nether makes it even harder to know what's real or not. How can you be sure of what's real and what isn't if you don't even know how long you've been gone from the overworld?

I imagine Vincent and Gene struggle with it the most. Both of them have been very direct puppets for the Shadow King, Gene especially, and likely struggle with the feeling of their body not being their own. Sometimes Gene is feeling perfectly fine, just his usual self, but then something... changes. He isn't sure what or why, but the world is blurry and he can't feel his own breathing and his body feels limp but he can see it still moving. He keeps speaking but his voice doesn't sound like his own, at least internally.

Vincent learned to deal with this... problem on his own. He says he's been alive for 100 years, but even he's unsure of that number. He's been around for a long time, and sometimes the things he says aren't true to the time he's in anymore. Technology and understanding changes, and while he can keep up with it sometimes, other times he can't. He'll ask about the latest news from O'Khasis and have to come to terms with the fact that the head family he once knew no longer exists, only survived by their descendants he doesn't know. It sometimes feels like he came from a completely different time and place. He's pretty sure he didn't jump timelines/realities, but he can never know for sure. Not when everything is so... off.

While someone might call it "spacing out", Laurance is in fact having a completely silent mental breakdown about his lack of control over his own life. This goes double if I smack him with the headcanon that he's Xavier's reincarnation and therefore also gets his memories sometimes. It's not that Laurance is just spacing out or his head is up in the clouds, he's literally questioning whether he even belongs in his own body because it doesn't feel like his own anymore. These scars aren't his, his hands are shakier than they used to be, and he can't even tell if his wants and desires are his own because who knows what's the Calling, what's Xavier, and what's his own memories.

Sasha gets a glimpse at how Meteli has changed since the last time she was there and it's all wrong. None of the buildings she remembers are there, none of the guards she once knew remain, even Cadenza looks different. It makes her wonder if she ever lived there in the first place. If the Meteli she remembers was even a real location at all, or something Gene or The Shadow King put into her head. And if she isn't from Meteli, where is she from? Is she even from anywhere? Is she even of this world? Did she even have a life before becoming a Shadow Knight? The only thing that tethers her to reality is Kenmur, but he'd rather forget she existed. Maybe she shouldn't exist.

Zenix can't even remember when or how he answered his calling. He can't remember who he killed or why. He can't remember the life he had before he met Garroth and moved to Phoenix Drop. Did he even have a life before he met Garroth? Did he even have a life before becoming a shadow knight? Is he even a full shadow knight? There's a blood lust that's ever present in his person, but he can't tell if it's his own or someone else's. Is this blood lust the calling? Or Gene's? Or the Shadow King's? Or maybe he's always been a bad person who wanted to do bad things and was just looking for an excuse. It's this kind of spiral that eventually pushes Zenix to rebel. He doesn't know who he was, or even who he is, just who he wants to be. That's the closest thing to sanity that he can hold onto.

That's all I got. For now...

~Cha cha slides out but I trip over my own feet and eat shit in the doorway~

[kinfriday]

The Irregular Ascetic

In August, I briefly made a new friend on Tumblr.

His account has long since vanished for reasons I do not know. Maybe this place just didn't click for him. I've been here for years and always found it welcoming, but I know that, like everything, this site is not for everyone.

He'd send me a message, ask a question or two, and when I checked every week or so, I'd do my best to reply.

Then, one day, he was gone, but not before leaving me one last question:

"An ascetic heathen life? What does that look like to you? I want to see that visual."

And that's kind of the question, isn't it?

The thing about callings is that they aren't always clear-cut. I may feel drawn towards an ascetic heathen life, but it's not like my Gods sent me an Ikea flat-pack kit.

As seems to be the pattern with the Germanic deities, they tapped me on the shoulder and then said...

"Here ya go, figure it out."

And here we are. Forty-Two, with over ten years as a member of the Ár nDraíocht Féin (ADF), I haven't finished my dedicant path, nor started the clergy track.

I can't remember the last time I did a full ritual.

All in all, I seem like a pretty crappy monk, don't I?

Sister Snow Hare, indeed...

It seems that my vanishing friend pinned me to the wall. I've been chewing on this again, trying to work it out.

If you're reading this, buddy, know that you kicked off a lot of introspection about my path, and you inspired this long rambling Tumblr post.

The best place to start is the beginning. (A little free wisdom)

So, what exactly is monasticism?

Good ol’ Mr. Wikipedia defines it as "a religious way of life in which one renounces worldly pursuits to devote oneself fully to spiritual work."

No matter the faith, this is a feature of monastic life: asceticism, self-denial, and focus.

Have I mentioned I can't remember the last time I did a ritual yet?

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Nothing makes me feel guilty, like comparing myself to the standards and practices of others. Somewhere out there, a Buddhist is living on four grains of rice, meditating eighteen hours a day, stopping only to sleep. The five minutes a day he spends on Tumblr, he's laughing at me.

I just know it. >.>

You could say I've been feeling a little convicted about this.

Yet the calling is still there. My relationship with my Gods isn't just good; it's warm. While not formal or official, I have a fulfilling spiritual life that's not structured like anything in the faith org I faithfully send my twenty dollars a year to and then largely hide from.

So what's going on?

I've begun to realize slowly over the last year that my faith path will probably never be recognizable as anything routine, rote, or by the book, but what it will be is mine.

Where does my asceticism show?

Let me take you through a typical day.

Waking at 2300 (11 pm), I plank for three minutes, do about ten minutes of calisthenics, wash my face, and then meditate for twenty minutes to a half hour, offering that time to the Gods. Then, with that done, I recite my creed and head off to the gym.

I have a creed. I'm that fancy!

While I'm in the truck, I informally pray. Often, I'm talking to my Lady Eostre, but the other Gods definitely get included. Woden and I have always gotten along, and Thunor, I call big brother because he's always watching out for us and protecting us.

Now it's time for my hour minimum at the gym. Half an hour each of cardio and weight training. This is so I can be in good condition and proper shape.

Good health is important to me, but more on that in a moment.

When I get home, I clean for about an hour, something I call "service meditation." Scrubbing floors, cleaning counters, and sanitizing bathrooms is a gift I can give daily to my loved ones with whom I make a home. While I work, I reflect on them and consider all they give me.

After a much-needed shower, I'm in the office and might finally have breakfast. I eat, ascetically, often the same thing every day; I keep my calories low and usually take up a 16-hour fast between my last meal and first meal.

Everything gets weighed down to the gram and tracked on my calorie sheet.

Next comes editing, writing, often some informal online counseling, or time spent on networks like Counter Social, Telegram, and Discord trying to help people, even if it's only getting them to smile.

Hope is big for me because my Lady Eostre is the goddess of Spring and the Dawn. She is hope personified, a goddess of fresh chances and potential. Pointing back to her and her values is my purpose. It's what I was made for.

My day continues like that until I'm in bed at 1600 (4 PM), after an hour cool-down where I go through my creed and have one last conversation with the Gods. That's when I set out my fruit offerings if I happened to have any that day.

It's a hard and fast rule. The gods always get the best part of the banana and the strawberry.

This is the way.

My bed is a mat that rolls out on the floor. I started that in 2020, and I've never been happier or slept better, and when I travel, it comes with me.

And I travel a lot.

My family here calls it "missions." Every now and again, someone in my network will need help. They might be having surgery, a mental health crisis, or are moving cross town or cross country. Whatever the reason, the call goes out, and if I can make it work with money, I'll hop a plane, train, or bus and get out there.

Beyond the joy I get from being in shape and capable, this is why I work out. It's much easier to load and move boxes or help lift people when you're in decent physical condition. 

I actually have training as a CNA, so I know how to do all the transfer stuff, and I have decent experience in post-surgical care.  

I don't want to go into this part too much because it feels like bragging, but I've been all over the States and soon to be Canada just helping people. I ramble in, do what I can, then return home and take back up my discarded routine.

And this is my life, apart from writing my books. As I looked at it and began breaking it down, I realized that I am already living a disciplined ascetic life.  

My gods and my faith are at the forefront of what I do, but what defines my faith isn't the regular application of ritual, but action. Indeed, one of the sayings I live by is actions show what words claim.

So I'm not on a mountaintop, meditating with the sun's rising and setting, or dwelling within a monastery, cloistered from the world, living to sing hymns. There is beauty in that kind of asceticism, but it's not my asceticism.

Yet, we do have things in common.

My life is one of service, with a focus on the divine and the advancement of their aims for the world. It is my hope (there's that word again) that I can show the wisdom and cunning of Woden, the strength of Thunor, the honor of Tyr, and most of all, embody the hope of the Dawn in all I do.

Of course, I'm not perfect, and Saturdays are often waffle day, but life is about growth, not static metrics.

It's dawning on me that I may never be fully recognized in my path. I don't seem to jive well with organizations and dogmatic structures. I may never have Reverend by my name or "Sister" formally. When it's time to go, I may not even leave much behind save my books and these Tumblr posts.

When I do cross that far horizon, and I am again before my Lady, I hope she will look back on all I did during this strange human odyssey and see that while I may have been taken from her for a time, I never stopped being her devoted one, her servant, and that is all the formal recognition I will ever need.

For me, an ascetic heathen life is one of actions, denial, and service, which I seek to live every day.

[random-writer-23]

Welcome Home (Poe x Gn reader)

Summary: Poe's been gone on a mission for longer than he was supposed to.

Words: 1,387

Warnings: tooth-rotting fluff, mentions of reader not eating (not eating disorder), brief description of minor injuries, allusions to sexy time cause c'mon it's Poe you can't expect me to not slip that in.

A/n: just thought I'd try my hand at writing something short for once, this has got to be the shortest thing I've ever written, and it's still over 1k words. And it took all the strength I had in me not to turn this into a full-blown oneshot. Anyway, this is mostly unedited but my last Poe thing is doing well so I figured I would feed you more Poe content. What the public wants they shall receive. Also, I'm pretty sure I wrote this with gender neutral reader, but if y'all find something not gender-neutral, lmk so I can fix it :D But anyway let me know what y'all think of my first drabble, and I might write more in the future when I feel like I haven't published anything in a long time. And as usual, all likes, comments, reblogs, and follows are welcome and greatly appreciated Also I am still looking for beta readers so if you’re interested see the pinned post on my profile for more information. happy reading my lovelies!

I paced the floor of my room, trying to figure out something to do, I could do laundry, read a book, or make lunch. Preferably that option, I hadn't eaten a proper meal in what seemed like weeks. Just snacks when the stress got too much to handle and I didn't know what else to do. The fighter squadrons should've been back by now, they were only sent on a short recon mission, they must have run into some trouble, or worse what if they were dead? I stopped my pacing and headed to the kitchen, ready to make something to eat, I had to take my mind off the quiet in the room. I opened the conservator and looked for what we had that I could use to make something to eat. I rifled through the food I had getting more discouraged the more I looked. A sandwich would have to suffice for my meal today, and I'd also have to make a list of things I'd need to get from the market on base. I mean sure I could always go eat at the canteen but canteen food everynight gets sickening, and theres nothing like a homecooked meal. I began to hum a little tune to myself as I spread mayo on my bread. When I heard a knock at the door. 

"Who is it?" I called to the person on the other side. 

"Lucy!" the voice announced, Lucy lives in the room next to me. 

"Come in!" I told her, and the door slid open revealing her standing there, hair messed up and very out of breath. "Oh dear Lucy, what happened?" I asked her my eyes wide as I moved to get her a cup of water. "Here I'll get you some water" I told her. 

"No time" She breathed heavily, hands on her knees to stabilize herself and catch her breath. I looked at her confused. 

"wha-" 

"(y/n) they're back!" She blurted out, and I froze my brain processing what she was saying. 

"They're..." I mumbled my voice going quiet as she grabbed my hand and smiled nodding. A smile quickly made its way across my face and I laughed "They're back!" I shouted giggling, Lucy grabbed my hand. 

"well let's go!" She said turning to pull me out the door, trailing me along behind her, we ran through the base to the landing bay. Only yelling 'they're back' at the people who gave us weird looks. We sprinted giggling all the way back and once we got to the landing bay, time seemed to stop. I stopped running and Lucy ran forward to greet her girlfriend, running into her open arms with shouts of joy. I didn't have to look very long for my love. I saw him immediately, climbing down the ladder from his x wing, when his feet touched the ground, a huge crowd immediately swarmed around him, and he smiled laughing as people patted him on the back congratulating him on another successful mission. He quickly turned his attention away from the people crowding around him, his eyes searching the crowd quickly. A look of subtle panic slowly crossing his face the more he searched. Until our eyes locked and I saw his instant relief. Watched all the stress drain from his shoulders, the exhaustion he didn't let show to the others wash away. I smiled a wide smile, giggling at the goofy grin spreading across his face. He pushed through the crowd around him, and they parted easily around him. Going back to congratulating each other the second he moved past as if he wasn't even there. He finally made it through all the people, and as soon as he did, time resumed and I ran towards his open arms. Once I got to him he picked me up spinning me around laughing. He put me back down, and once my feet hit the floor, he wrapped his arms around me tightly pulling me against him desperately.  As if holding me as tight as he could, would prevent me from ever leaving his side again. And if I had the choice it would. I breathed him in,  my fist clenching around the fabric of his flight suit tightly. The tears welled up in my eyes and I blinked letting them fall. I pulled away from him for a minute looking him up and down, to make sure he wasn't visibly hurt. Just to make sure he was really there, and he wasn't some illusion my mind had come up with. I pulled his helmet off his head dropping it to the floor and grabbing his cheeks turning his head looking for any sign of injuries. He had a couple of scrapes on his face, and smeared dried blood along his brow and forehead, but other than that he was fine. I touched his face, running my fingers gently along the cuts. Once I determined he was fine, I pulled him back in hugging him close, my body shaking with sobs as I came to the realization he was back and actually standing relatively unharmed in front of me. 

"You're safe" I murmured into his chest, almost disbelievingly. 

"Of course, couldn't leave my pretty girl all by herself" He smiled lifting my head with a hand under my chin making me look up at him. He wiped away my tears with one hand, and I smiled leaning into his touch. I opened my eyes and leaned in placing a soft kiss on his lips. Gently, delicately, hesitantly, pulling away and looking up at him through my lashes. He smiled and pulled me back in for another kiss, fueling this one with more desperation, gripping my waist tightly, and moving his hand from my face to the back of my neck. I wrapped my hands around his neck tangling my fingers in his hair. Smiling against his lips, he pulled away chuckling, and leaned his forehead against mine. "Maker, I love you" He mumbled, pressing his lips against me again, pulling away quickly, "I missed you" he kissed me again. "You're so beautiful, (y/n)" another kiss. "My (y/n)" another kiss, an explosion of affection. My heart fluttered, and I giggled turning away from him to hide my flushing face. "Don't hide from me gorgeous" He mumbled into my ear, only driving me further into hiding. 

"I love you too Poe" I looked back at him, placing one last kiss on his lips before his friends ran up to us cheering and screaming. He rolled his eyes at their approach, and he stepped away from me unwillingly. Not letting me go too far as he stood next to my side pulling me close to him. Finn, Rey and BB-8, came up to us Finn pulling us all into a large group hug, blubbering about how they survived another day. I rolled my eyes pulling out of the group hug with a laugh as I felt something hitting my leg. I looked down and gave a shout of joy as BB spun in a circle joyfully having my attention. I knelt down to his level giving him a kiss as well. "I'm glad you're back BB" I smiled, and he wooped in reply. I laughed, standing back up when Poe tapped my shoulders. I looked at him with a smile and he gave me another quick kiss. Finn groaned,

"Alright, get a room you two" Rey laughed,

"but not before we get a drink from the canteen" Finn added pumping his fist, and we all cheered.

"you good to celebrate" Poe leaned close to my ear whispering the question so only I could hear him. 

"Of course, you are a hero after all" I giggled, "but let's make it quick, I want to give you a proper welcome home" I smiled slyly and his eyes widened, realizing what I meant. He perked up quickly. 

"Alright let's drink!" He cheered loudly and I laughed. He leaned down to pick up his helmet, placing it on my head and gripping my hand tightly. "Maker I'm glad to be home" He smiled. 

"Me too" I replied as we followed the cheering crowd to the canteen, hand in hand, and the weeks of stress I felt washing away, and all was right in the world once more. 

--Fin--

QOTD: What is your favourite star wars movie? Mine. is either revenge of the sith or the animated clone wars movie!

Join my discord server: https://discord.gg/9bwRmtXCuB

[the-era-of-shadow]

Woah, I made an animatic!

It's been a while since I've done that, eh?

Please do enjoy! And after watching it, if you want some general AU updates, click past the cut below!

So uh, first things first - there's your explanation for where TDTMD Act 2 Chapter 3 is. It'll come out some time in January unless some big autism moment like this happens again, sorry for the wait y'all!

Honestly, like I said in the video's description, I didn't plan for this to take all month - it was originally meant to be for Eclipse's birthday but. Delays happened.

But enough about the month gone past - or even the year gone past! I just KNOW you all wanna know what we have in store for 2024!

Firstly - TDTMD Act 2 Case 01 will still be coming out as it has been! Right now I have 5 planned chapters for Case 01 - and we're like, halfway there! Crazy, huh? But... What do I mean by "Case 01" anyway? Well, you see, TDTMD Act 2 is actually an anthology of sorts! A collection of stories that are all connected by the theme of the Black Arms' effect on PetalBloom - three stories to be exact! Each case is to have 5 chapters each, resulting in Act 2 as a whole having 15 chapters! Quite a lot! But worry not, those who are looking forward to things other than TDTMD, for I am not going to be writing all three cases back to back, no no!

After Case 01 is finished - I've scheduled myself to write a new side story - the FINAL side story for Arc 1! "But Ash, you finished Arc 1 like 2 years ago! Why are you still writing side stories attached to it?", well, mainly because my brain gets on my case about how the writing isn't as good as my newer stuff and how "unbalanced" Arc 1 and Arc 2 are in terms of content - so I'm doing this to make it shush. But also I saw potential still to be found within Arc 1's events, so, yeah! After this post goes up I'm gonna add the name of that side story to the pinned post for hype and all that :]

After THAT - I'm finally gonna go a bit into the catalogue of documented but not written Origins stories listed on the pinned post with The Englishman With The Devil's Eyes. I've been wanting to get to this one for a while now but stuff kept getting in between me and it. But no longer! For after the last Arc 1 side story, Devil's Eyes will finally have it's moment - no matter what! But... I know what you wanna hear...

New Main Stories?? - Yes yes, I hear you. Enough with the Origins and the side stories - when are we getting back to Arc 2 proper? Well aren't you in luck! Being preceded by a short side story oneshot, Mission: FOX FRENZY - the third main installment of Arc 2, will indeed be the next in line after Devil's Eyes! Not to spoil too much, but this one goes out to all you Garrick fans~! 🤭

Beyond That - I have a whole schedule planned that carries to the end of Arc 2 - both officially with the LONG awaited rewrite of Something to Bond Over, and spiritually with TDTMD Act 3 and more importantly, it's corresponding Moonlight Interlude. (what do I mean by that? You'll see~), but if I were to explain the whole of it now, why, this post would be like the new color of the sky! So I'll do it in increments~ All you need to know rn is that I plan to finish Arc 2 this year.

Lastly - The non fic stuff! The most important, I think, is the whole deal with CoC and it's cancellation. I won't go into the why of CoC being cancelled here - but rather, how it effects TEoS going forward. If you were unfamiliar, CoC was to be a webcomic that was a spinoff/crossover with TEoS. It was vaguely referenced in Innate Affiliation - meaning that it needs a replacement. That replacement is... kind of in the works as we speak - I plan to truly start remaking it into the role in February. All I'll say for now is that it's going to be another Sonic AU this time rather than an AU from another franchise. Other than that - I have a special YT video in mind to come out after the Arc 1 side story, won't say what it is yet but, I really hope you'll enjoy it - it's... gonna cost me a pretty penny. Also, this animatic (you forgot that this was the original point of the post, didn't you?) was made completely in Ibis - but after this I'm completely switching over to Clip Studio Paint! I've already been messing around with it since Xmas though - I'm very much willing to show what I've made with it so far! In fact, I think I'll do that on the main art blog later tonight!

I think that's all I have to say! Happy New Years Eve everyone! (Or just New Years if you're one of those time traveling Aussies /silly) Here's to a prosperous 2024!

[koolades-world]

alright so, quick idea regarding reopening requests! please read more if you're interested in making a requests :) yapping and some probably scuffed math ahead just fyi lol. if you've made one while requests have been closed, please read this too!

i've been thinking about it, and as soon as I get down to a manageable amount, i'd implement this system. right now, i have 77? i think which is a lot but much better than it was before. i believe i started with about 120 something. considering that, i don't think it would go into action until november. if i reopen them in november, if i make a request post everyday and am keeping up with spellbound secrets, i would have 12 requests left, which seems like a good number to reopen on. that's only if i don't go on a reduced posting schedule, and if i solely make posts based on requests. fall term begins in about a week for me, so i'll be getting busier with schoolwork and may not have as much time as i do now. i also love to write things that make me happy, and as well as making posts for holidays, which would mean more requests gone unwritten.

so i'm thinking for the first week of every month, they'll be open. they wouldn't close until midnight of the seventh day or until i hit 30. i hope it never gets to that point, but i figured it would be good to add a cap. this number may change either if i feel like it needs to be raised or lowered. then i'd shut them, work on what i received. rinse and repeat for the next month. it ensure my inbox isn't too full, and that you get your request done in about a month! of course, when we get closer to reopening them, i'll make another post and update my pinned :)

i'm not sure how many other people have been having this problem, but i've been noticing that things i know have been in my inbox aren't there when i haven't touched them, requests will duplicate themselves, or they'll be in an order that they definitely weren't in before. i think it had to do with the fact that i have so many items in my inbox. of course, these issues resolve themselves, but there's no set time for when they'll return to normal. i don't think anything has vanished for good, but i have no way of knowing. i don't want any requests to slip through the cracks. if i accidently do one that was duplicated, it just further delays requests that actually need to be done.

this is the reason i've been deleting requests that have been made while i've had them closed. i hate to sound rude, but it's not too hard to read my pinned post especially when the text for my inbox is "read pinned post" or something along those lines. i even made it simpler to see that requests were closed by not having it under a read more and bolding it. it hasn't been easy to just straight up delete them, but they're just further adding to the number of items in my inbox, which i'm trying to reduce and may be contributing to much earlier requests having issues that i talked about above. i also didn't want to go back on what i said. if i do it for one person, i have to do it for everyone which just isn't fair. if you're one of these people, hey! thanks for reading this. know i'm not mad or upset with you but just ask that you please check if requests are open or not next time :)

just wanted to give a heads up! sorry it's taking so long, but i'm sure you guys understand. if i'm in a good mood and have time, i might double up some days to help cut back on those leftover requests and get them done sooner. thanks for reading! this was way longer than i thought it was going to be haha

have a wonderful day <333