#i've been mulling it over for a while now but can't decide what the best way to go is

[deafmangoes]

I've been mulling over Nex Benedict's death. That news struck me in a way I didn't expect.

I'm British, but my spouse's family is American, originally from Oklahoma. Eighteen months ago or so, my brother-in-law got married and we flew out to Tulsa for the wedding.

I had come out to my spouse as a trans woman one month earlier. I spent the whole week kinda worried that I'd say the wrong thing, give myself away, even though I was still outwardly presenting as masc. It was the first time I didn't actually feel safe. I didn't know how people would react. I heard them speak in open terms about their politics and opinions, expecting (of course) that I was fully in agreement with them.

I wasn't expecting to enjoy myself there. We'd both been dreading it. But... I did find things to like about Oklahoma! The landscape was beautiful. The day we spent in Tahlequah was wonderful, and I even thought to myself that I'd be happy to live there.

At the end of last year, my spouse's whole family decided to move back to the states, leaving her behind. It's been really hard on her. We still haven't told them that I'm trans, or that we're still happily married - just lesbians now. They all live just outside Tulsa now. I guess at some point we'd be expected to go visit.

Then I read about Nex Benedict. Nex was 16, like Brianna Ghey. The news of Nex's murder (and it is murder, no matter what the cops say) hit me in a similar way to Brianna's, because I'd begun to hope that maybe there'd be a small corner of Oklahoma that I could visit, a patch I could enjoy authentically, as myself. We could come out to our parents, and navigate those waters, but still have somewhere to go.

Then Nex was murdered. It's ridiculous of me to mourn some ephemeral wounded feelings, because they were murdered. 16 years old. Half my age. A whole life ahead of them. Murdered. Fucking murdered.

And when I saw that one of the OK senators referred to people like Nex - like me - as 'filth' that 'we don't want here', after they were fucking murdered, in their own school, by other children. And they said it in Tahlequah, the Cherokee capital. At the heart of a town that serves in memory of the tens of thousands of slaughtered Native Americans, just like Nex.

I'm angry. I'm upset. I can't even really explain it properly. I hoped writing all this rambling out might help, but now there's just burning in my chest and tears in my eyes. I'm sorry, Nex, that you suffered. I'm sorry for all my trans siblings. I know that come November, we're going to have another gut-wrenching list of names to read out on the Day of Remembrance. And all the while, politicians and feckless, evil people sit there and gloat about it.

I want them to hurt, too. I really do. I want them to understand it.

But. Tomorrow, I have to just... bite it all back? Go on living? I know it's said to be the "best revenge", but it sure doesn't fucking feel like it.

For what it's worth, I don't think I'm going to forget Nex's name. I think I'll think of them every time I talk to my Republican in-laws who will vote for that hateful senator this year. Every time I think back to that beautiful day in Talehquah.

Shit I don't even know where to wrap this up. I'm just...

[rose-tinted-kalopsia]

Holy shit!!! Holy shit holy shit holy shit!!!

Holy fuck!!! Your Kieran Don't Let Me Love You fic!!! Aaaaaaaaah!!! It's so good!!! It so so intoxicatingly delicious!! I'm apologizing in advance for what a wall of text this probably will be and purely consist of me yapping

I spent like easily 2??? 3??? 2 and a half??? Hours just to read the whole thing. It's just so incredibly overwhelming in the best way possible! The way you describe the actions. The descriptions. The emotions. The thoughts!!! I actually took multiple a few minutes break during the time reading it, because it felt like my soul was enveloped in the narrative and I needed to breathe for a second!!

I've been thirsting over the twins this whole day, and Luke is actually the more favorable one for me but gosh your fic turned me into a new woman, NOW I TRULY LOVE THEM BOTH EQUALLY. KIERAN!!! Can't possibly agree more that the premise was fitting to Kieran like it was meant to be. You did an incredible job.

Being the quiet of the two, I really felt the amount of conversations were minimal- but meaningful, every single one of them. It fits him so much, I love the flow of conversations you wrote between the two. You have such a refined way of writing!! It's the ultimate mix of both poetic but easy to swallow for the common folk, it's wonderful harmony.

The pet names were everything. Every single one of them!! But personally, there's just something about being called angel by this guy who wears devil horns as his daily outfit that stirs me up so much. S i g h. I'm whipped.

The sexual tension on the flashback of the first time???? HOOOOO BOY LORD HAVE MERCY. I WOULD NEVER NOT SUCCUMB TO THAT. Such a tease. Delicious tease. I'm in tears. Good tears. I just love how all the boys here definitely can effortlessly carry us around and definitely always make us look up with their tall height. I love how the mention of Sylus visibly stirs some kind of reaction to him and how quick but desperate the whole thing was. That commending voice??? Sign me the fuck up. Please. Pretty please. I'm a putty at this point

Rules are the best. Because rules are meant to be broken. That delicious conflicting feeling of doing something should not be done!! You describe it perfectly and beautifully.

I really love how you imagine him being the closer of the two to Sylus, and it just makes sense so much in my brain?? Like, that's why he's so unaware of most outside things, since he was satisfied to just dedicate and stayed loyal to the boss.

Okay now this part is completely my delusion from your fic, and you might skip this if you don't like the thoughts of someone expanding the premise by themselves which I'll completely respect, but I imagined that- at least Luke had noticed before that fated day. Being twins and seemingly inseparable since little, I don't think there's any way either of them could keep a complete secret to each other. The other will notice. So! My personal delusion for this bit is, that Luke had noticed for a while. How Kieran gazes at her was always a second too long, the little things and gestures he believes his brother usually doesn't do for a single girl, and how sometimes his brother was just a little too immersed with whatever he was thinking, and how it felt different than any time before. But he kept quiet about it, obviously. Since Kieran wants to hide it, and Kieran might've got the feeling his brother had already realized from who knows when as well. But out of respect for each other, neither of them ever brought that up. Buuuuuut, Luke noticed the feelings and affection has grown, unbearably big. So he decided to finally confront Kieran about it, maybe saying a piece or two of his thoughts about it. Warning him, or something. And that's what spurs Kieran desperation and conflict that day. He had been mulling it over ever since his brother actually says something verbally to him about it, and at that point he must've tried to deny how fucked he is by then.

Aaaaaaand I also imagined depending whether both Sylus or only Luke have known, Luke would back them up about that day. Coming up with excuses and such, naturally. Either that, or both Sylus and Luke agrees that 'it took them long enough' (s i g h this'll be delicious angst as well depending if Sylus and Luke actually also have feelings for her) with or without this part of my delusion though, I loved the fic as a whole so so so much!

Okay, back to the actual fic. Let me just say i have a thing about good girl and it ascended me to heavens. Your Kieran has driven me crazy-- The depictions of how different he was acting that day was so good!!! And I really loved the repeating narratives, like Quiet, obedient, dutiful Kieran or Don't let me love you or There's no going back. Each one of them are so lovingly beautiful!!

His pleas! The urgency in his voice!! In his action!! The desperation!! Aaah you wrote all of them so well, I actually kept scrolling back up and rereading the lines and description while still reading it because it's just so so so good. And let's not forget the domineering overpowering attitude.... I'm melting...

I really love the switch between the frantic desperation of the first part to the soft loving gentle need after we finally saw Kieran's face. And may I mention I think the fact you're able to describe him and all his emotions and expression so well while deliberately opting out any actual description of his visual is???? Such?? A genius?? Move?? His action, his touch, his face, his expression, I can imagine it all clearly thanks to your amazing writing, and yet I can freely imagine the actual face according to my own imagination! I think that was such a skillful bit.

I really love the moment of vulnerability between the two, how both of them had each of their own time where they finally broke down in tears. Aaaaah such a good narrative.

AND THE PART WHERE HE CALLED OUR NAME???? AAAAAAAAH DELICIOUS!! BEAUTIFUL!!! BRAVO!!!! I love it so much!! I always favor 2nd person pov fics where there never was actual dialogue calling out the name with Y/N- not that there's anything wrong with it other than my preference, but description of it always appeal me more. So thank you for feeding me in that aspect! Aaah! I'm in love!

The bits of how slow the walls slowly crumble, how even after meeting eye to eye he tried so hard to restrain himself, I love it so much. It felt necessary and shows just how much thin the ice they were threading were. I'm s o l d.

The cockiness of his tease on the Miss Hunter shenanigans??? And yet followed suit with his genuine apology afterward??? Have I said I'm melting?? Because ugh it's such a good pacing.

When all restraints finally let loose and the fervent intense adoration came back into action!! It's so beautiful!! And gosh the confession. The confession. Couldn't have worded it any better... I like that he was the one to confess first and how we broke down from him, as it was always ambiguous more on our side than him- because he had always been able to see us through, but he always put on a mask- literally and figuratively. And I think it's just so so so beautiful.

I loved the ending line!!! As well as the little ramble you wrote afterward <3 can't agree more!! I'm definitely interested to read luke x kieran recommendation you linked at the end... But for now I've got things to do so I'll keep it for now!

Phew, it's really a lot of text. TLDR, I'm in love with your Kieran fic thank you so much I love your writing style so much. Thank you!

AHHH ANONIE 😭😭😭😭😭 i have reread this so many times bc this is so so so so incredibly sweet i'm so floored 🥺 and so honired 🥺 that you could have this much thoughts on something ive written... aaahh my heart's fluttering fr, anonie you've made me so happy 😭 esp knowing that you were able to picture kieran's face without the descriptors? that was super challenging to me but i'm sososososososo happy it came across well 😭🤍

FUN FACT i actually had part of this draft cut out! an entire scene where reader runs into luke while looking for kieran, and then subsequently realizes that luke knows ... so he's like, the push that gets both of them to realize they're not just fuck buddies (a la "we're just friends..." "sure, and friends do that" vibes) HAJDKAKFJA IT WAS A WHOLE THING. THE FIC REALLY COULD'VE BEEN LONGER. but i decided 7k words was enough 😭🤲

but overall i agree with you!!!! i was def biased towards luke at first, but writing this totally had me leaning more towards kieran <3 desperation and conflic with internal emotions or othereise co flict between duty and emotions is my FAVORITE to write, and kieran's character is SO fun to play with, esp with him being the younger of the two! he's surprisingly complex and i loved getting into the intricacies, i'm so glad that was conveyed hehe 🥰 you might be interested in the little analysis i had on kieran's character here !!! <3

THANK YOU again anonie 🥺 i wish i had the words to actually say how grateful i am for this because it's just so incredibly sweet 😭 know that i'm cradling you in my arms!!!

[hushedhippie]

We're moving.

Again, unexpectedly.

We knew our lease was ending, but we were hoping to renew the lease for another year before we all parted ways. I love living with my roommates, our ability to overcome hard times, and our weekend parties to shake off the work week. I also love having our rent so cheap while living in a a gorgeous place, allowing us to save money while doing what we love.

On Friday, we had an "inspection"...by the owner's real estate agent - that should have been a red flag, but we were remaining hopeful with our rose colored glasses on as we deep cleaned the house in hopes to impress the owner enough that we could stay another year.

And we definetely did impress them - the real estate claiming, "wow, you really made the house a home!"...

Which is now a stab in the heart learning the owners had decided to sell the house a day after the "inspection"...

Oh, the pain. The disappointment. The heavy cloud of dread that after only a year, we would have to redo the whole process that was not a fun one the first time around. But I am remaining positive that since this isn't our first rodeo, we will be better equip to get this ball rolling and be much more organized and knowledged on what we're looking for/doing.

I am also choosing to let the others take the reins in finding properties, setting up walk throughs, answering emails. There's so many of us it's best if my chaotic self stays out of the way and step in when called to the plate. If I spread my energy in all different places, I'm going to lose my mind like last time.

My head is already spinning as the "el casa" group chat is exploding with so many different house listings from everyone, everyone throwing their opinions, some in which do not match up on some of the listings but hey...we need a place that can simply fit all of us and has space in the backyard to make a little zen spot.

I've muted the alerts to the group chat but can't help to open the chat back up to mull over the new arrival of listings. I only ever scan very quickly through the photos, not dwelling on a particular room so I don't start to daydream and get my hopes up for the offer to fall through - I learned that from the last time!

"wow, you really made the house a home!"

So now, the plan is to slowly strip the walls of decor that make the place a home. A sadly haunting time as your space transforms back into a souless waiting house. We have to officially be out of the house July 31st.

Every door closes for a reason and I will forever lean on that belief.

[random-introverted-blog]

So I've been on this injury/hurt comfort kick for a little while. Tav/Durge getting hurt and the angst that follows has been scratching my itch. But every time, it's like a day at most and then everything is okay.

So I propose a new type of drabble or one shot/short series. Use creative license to the fullest for this.

Ahem.

Knock out Protag/Whoever for a week. A month if you're feeling really devious.

You can do this for any character. But for the sake of simplicity I will describe it for Tav.

The best time to have the incident occur would be Act 2. You want it to be at a point where the party really looks to them for leadership and guidance for it to have the most impact. If you do it too soon and knock them out for too long, more pragmatic party members would likely decide Tav is dead weight and leave them behind, at best. Very Late act 1 would be the earliest I'd try it. Any earlier, and you'd need to really bend/twist your Tav's importance to the group. They have a power, skill, or connection that would be invaluable. Without either of those, you need them to be loyal, care and respect their leadership. Which I find difficult to believe earlier than the tail end of Act 1.

In my mind; without Tav's definitive say and leadership, they would have to take votes. No one would be able to take the mantle of leader for themselves without serious pushback. There would be many rough arguments and debates around the campfire as they worked out their next steps.

Now I'm going to take it a step further. This is suggested with a good aligned Tav in mind. Something I'm super keen to write soon myself.

Act 2, all the party members are likely eyeballing their crossroads as they draw closer to the fork in their path. Shadowheart with Shar, Astarion with the ritual, the others you can headcannon like Lae'zel maybe mulling over a return to Vlakith (perhaps she came with her offer sooner) and Gale might be thinking "what if I don't blow myself up", Wyll and Karlach are the tricky ones to this.

The lack of Good!Tav to help steer and ground their friends shakes them too deep. Shadowheart turns to Shar and pleads for her intervention. Shar agrees, if she completes the trials, kills Nightsong and faithfully abides Shar's instructions in the House of Grief. Boom, Dark Justiciar Shadowheart.

Astarion panics and believes he can bring them back if he Ascends and uses his power/resources to heal them OR EVEN figures out how to cut a new deal with Mephistopheles to bring Tav back. Which involves completing the ritual and maybe even a few extra souls. Boom, Ascended Astarion (sacrifice Duke Ravengard... Karlach??)

Lae'zel even convinces Vlakith in exchange for her unwavering loyalty.

Regardless, the board is set when Good!Tav finally awakes. All their friends, who was making such headway on their companions good sides, is now left with the worst possible versions of them. And they are not sorry. Maybe even creepily overprotective... yandere anyone?

LOOK YOU CAME TO A BLOG WITH YANDERE IN THE NAME, YOU CAN'T BE SURPRISED WHEN I THROW IT OUT THERE.

It's something I DEFINITELY want to try and write myself when I find free time from my current AO3 story. But in the MEANWHILE if someone drabbles it, give me a heads up! I'd love to read it!

[marigoldsandbuttercups]

Hello hello~ I've been meaning to request some headcanons from you for ages, I adore your style of writing and your interpretation of the characters! So, could I ask you about how US and SF bros and UT grillby and Muffet would react to being shipwrecked in a remote island with nothing but the clothes on their backs? Could be with a S/O or best friend, with each other or just alone, you choose. Sorry if it's already been asked before! Thanks in advance, you're incredible~

(Hehe aww thanks, do not pay any mind to how late this UwU)

Washed Up

Blue: He's... Actually a lot calmer than you would think. Or well, that's what you think. He's pretty good at keeping a straight face or a calm facade but he does know what he's doing, for the most part. While *he* doesn't necessarily need to eat himself, he can't say the same for you. Most of his attention goes to you, making sure that you're healthy and not injured whilst trying to figure out how to get out of this.

He still has his more upbeat personality, but you can tell some days where it's a bit off and he can't shake off the anxiety that's just looming over him. In his effort of looking after you and trying to keep you safe whilst finding a way out, he won't pay any attention to himself, make sure to look after him (even if this means forcing him to sleep by wrestling him into it-)

Stretch: "Oh boy... Oh boy, y/n, we're really in it, now.. " Stretch tries, he really does, but man, he's the biggest worrywart ever. He can't even think to cover his fear because of just how anxious he feels and trust me, his anxiety will rear it's ugly head as soon as it dawns on him what's going on. After being assured by you (and him checking on you once he's calmed down), he's pretty resourceful (how he can climb trees is beyond you but it works-)

That doesn't mean his carefree, goofy self is gone. While he's a little more nervous than usual, it can be quelled for a bit when he's with you and crackling jokes, his worries melting away when you roll your eyes or giggle at his jokes. He does think if it weren't for you being there, he'd be in shambles.

Black: Is probably one of the few people who's somehow prepared for everything and anything. As soon as you both realize what's going on, he's quick to react, making sure that you are unharmed before deciding to build a shelter first. He's super resourceful, and you get to see what his training may have been like as he climbs trees and sneaks upon predators if there are any.

Is your best bet if you were to be stranded anywhere, he refuses to sit still.

Which... Isn't all that good for his own health. He doesn't really think much for his own well-being since he doesn't heavily depend on food like you do. But that doesn't mean the tiredness doesn't creep in. You would have to force him to sit down for a bit and actually debate him on why he should be sleeping for more than two hours a night-

Rus: "Aw ffs-" While he doesn't seem like the type to have it all together, you're only semi correct- Rus is resourceful, and smart when he wants to use those braincells for other things aside from memes. Being Black's younger brother meant that he too was no exception from training. Whatever you need, he's got it, (with a few trial and errors, of course-) but for the most part, he does a good job at keeping you safe.

But it's only during the late nights when you're alone that you get to see the side that he hides around you. One full of anxiousness and worry as he mulls over what could happen, if he can keep you safe for as long as possible. He doesn't try to push you away if you bring it up to him, but expect him to be surprised since he wouldn't really mention it.

Muffet: Well... This is, an interesting scenario. Having once been in a tough spot while she was underground, Muffet is no stranger to having to improvise on how improve her living situation. With that being said, you may or may not be subjected to unique concoctions of food and drinks crafted by her. It's relatively safe, but whether the effects make you feel funky or not is... Debatable. Being a spider, she instinctively knows the best places for shelter, as well as it being comfortable to house the two of you, of course.

She does express worry, not wanting to be in a similar situation such as in her past. But with you around, it's not so bad, the added company does help her ease up from her nerves. You may not see this side very often as unlike Milord, Muffet actively does try to push those thoughts away. She's got to keep her poise regardless of her situation.

Grillby: Seems calm, almost too calm... But that's literally because he can't emote due to not really having a face... Or well, the basic components to make an expression- But this calmness he has is helpful, and he's aware of it and uses it to his best ability as it becomes night and he sees you worry. Besides the obvious things, becoming a literal nightlight and perfect for creating a fire when it's time to cook, he's very silent and like muffet, is creative.

If you weren't close to him, or really observant, you wouldn't realize that when he worries, his flame flickers ever so slightly. You only notice it when a rainstorm was brewing about as you two were seeking for shelter, thankfully finding one before it began pouring. He thinks a lot, wondering if anyone has an inkling that he's missing, that you would be okay. So many thoughts on his mind but he can't say any of them. What he can do, in the meantime however, is keep you safe and warm.

[sirenascales]

-> double black [part two] 18+

-> Chuuya x 1stPOV!F!Reader x Dazai

-> Who knew getting fired from work could lead to this?

-> Content: SMUT, slight angst, violence, murder, swearing

A failed friend date turns into a day of fun and laughs with a rather odd coworker. [Dazai x 1stPOV!F!Reader]

3,274 words

Warning: suicide ideation (like, it's Dazai, c'mon now.)

note: I'm glad some of ya'll seemed to enjoy chuuya's chapter! I decided to just upload Dazai's and then we can move on to the story. Please enjoy! Tags in the replies.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Final || masterlist

"Keiko-- Keiko, it's two PM!" I said into the phone, sending an apologetic look to my coworkers. "And I'm at work. You can't be calling me, especially when you're drunk so early in the day."

"Uggghhhh, you're so mean!" I sighed softly at Keiko's response, the office phone on my desk beginning to ring.

"Keiko, I have to go now, I'm sorry! Call Taichi and tell him to bring you home."

"Wait-"

I ended the call, rubbing my eyebrows as I picked up the other phone. "Armed Detective Agency, how may I help you?"

It's been around three months since I've started working at the Agency, and I have to say, it was a pretty great job. It paid well, kept me on my toes with the many different cases we took on, and my coworkers were great... despite how weird they were.

"That's like the seventh time your friend called you this week," Ranpo spoke up from his desk, the man literally surrounded by snack wrappers.

I sighed deeply, rubbing my eyebrows. "I know, I'm sorry everyone. She's not usually like this... I know she likes to drink, but... never to this extent."

"Maybe there is something going on?" the cute Atsushi suggested and I frowned. "Maybe you can try to find out?"

"It wouldn’t be wise to just push yourself into someone's private life like that," Kunikida added and I nodded in agreement.

Of course I couldn't. Not with who her boyfriend was. I was her best friend, but even I knew not to step in. "Besides, she always says she's okay when I ask..." I said thoughtfully, too distracted to continue my work. I could believe her, right? Besides, she had Taichi. He loved her, and always made sure that she was protected and taken care of. He always made sure to be around her when he wasn't away, keeping her to his side at all times. I thought maybe he was being a bit too protective, but I also understood because of his... profession.

"Alright, alright, we have a schedule, people. Let's not get too distracted here," Kunikida exclaimed and I laughed softly. The only one with a schedule was the super punctual man himself, but I still went on to do my work.

"Speaking of work..." I started, unimpressed as I Iooked to the empty desk across the office. "Where the hell is Dazai?"

Atsushi just hung his head and sighed, Kunikida gritting his teeth at his desk. "I tried calling him but he wouldn't pick up," Atsushi sighed again and I huffed, standing up from my desk. "I'll take my 30 now. I'll be in the cafe and I'll try to get Dazai to bring his scrawny ass to work."

The Agency was on the fourth floor of the building while the cafe was down on the first, very convenient for me. I was lazy and the coffee and food was good. I dialed up Dazai's number as I descended the four flights of stairs, pressing my phone to my ear.

At the top of one flight, I stopped when I heard a familiar ring tone blare out, and when I looked down to the bottom of the stairs, I saw the man of the hour. His brown hair was wavy as ever, his signature tanned jacket looking immaculate. I watched as he just looked at his phone, watching it ring before he put his phone in his pocket.

I hated him. "So you were just gonna ignore me?!" I shouted down the stairs. Dazai whipped his head up, eyes going comically wide.

"Bella!" he exclaimed, practically running up the stairs right towards me. I gasped and back away quickly, back hitting the wall as Dazai caged me between his bandaged arms. His forehead pressed against mine and I will my face not to burn as he looked at me with those pretty brown eyes of his. "I missed you."

My heart skipped a beat, my mouth going dry. Still, I glared up at the man. "We just saw each other yesterday," I gritted my teeth, trying to ignore the feeling of his soft breath against my face. I was thankful my voice didn't crack. "And you have plenty of paperwork to do still on your desk."

"Ehhh, I'm tired and I'm busy," Dazai nonchalantly waved that off, now standing away from me and waving his hand dismissively. "Got better things to do."

I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest. "Yeah? Like what?"

With that, Dazai took my hands in his, a hopeful look on his face. Here we go again. "Double suicide."

"No." I immediately declined him. "My answer is still the same as it was last week."

Dazai visibly deflated, covering his eyes dramatically. "Sweet death... she evades me yet again..."

"Yeah," I deadpanned, brushing past Dazai and heading down the stairs. "Anyway. I'm heading to the cafe to get something to eat."

"Oh!" Dazai exclaimed, hooking my arm with his as he quickly came up to my side. "I'll go with you!"

"You have work to do!" I yelled at him, trying to push him back up the stairs. "Go before Kunikida has an aneurysm."

"But I don't wanna!" Dazai whined, quickly turning the tables on me. Now he was behind me, his arms wrapped around me and pinning my arms to my chest. I felt his breath against my left ear and I shivered deeply. "I wanna spend time with you..." he whispered softly, his voice dropping. I bit my bottom lip, looking over at him over my shoulder. I shivered again, the usual brightness in his eyes gone. I've only seen that look on his face a handful of times, and it never failed to make me feel completely on edge. Like I was in danger.

I liked it.

"Ugh," I sneered, rolling my eyes and shaking myself out of his arms. "Fine, fine. I'll treat today, okay?"

"Yay!" Dazai's jovial nature returned as he followed me to the cafe. I shake my head at the strange duality of the man. We sat across from each other, the redheaded waitress named Lucy that obviously had a crush on Atsushi giving us some menus.

As I looked over the menu, I looked over at Dazai, the man humming as he mulled over his choices. I bit the inside of my cheek, just feeling that maybe there was more to Dazai than he let on.

The weekend soon arrived and I was in a bit of a sour mood. I was at the boardwalk, sitting on an empty bench after getting off the phone with Keiko. We were supposed to spend the day together, but she had called me thirty-minutes late, all of a sudden saying that she couldn't make it.

Her tone of voice worried me, she sounded rushed and breathless, totally unlike her. "I'm okay. I'm sorry for flaking out so suddenly," she said before she ended the call. I blinked at the screen, a bit put off by the entire thing. Just what was up with her?

Though I couldn't dwell on it, for there was a presence behind me. "Well, well, look what we have here," a teasing voice whispered into my ear before blowing into it. I shrieked, jumping off the bench before spinning around.

"Dazai!" I hissed at the laughing man standing on the other side of the bench. "You scared the crap out of me!"

"Bet it got your heart pumping, huh," Dazai hummed happily, skipping around the bench and right over to me. "Bella, I missed you~" he hugged me tightly in his arms. I sighed deeply, half-heartedly wrapping my arms around him in return and giving him a pat on the back.

"We saw each other yesterday."

"Eighteen hours is too long, bella."

I rolled my eyes, pulling away from the huge and giving Dazai a look. "You're so dramatic, dude," I say with a laugh, shaking my head. "What are you doing here?"

"Hmm, well I thought this would be a great place to think about how to commit suicide," Dazai began and I gave him another look. "But, I saw my bella looking so sad and lonely! I just had to rush to comfort her!"

Dazai hugged me again, squeezing me tight. I let out a struggling breath, writhing a bit in his hold. "You're killing me!"

"Oh! Let's commit do-"

"No, oh my God!"

I turned and stormed away from the suicidal man, shaking my head when I heard him call out for me. "Bella, wait!" He latched onto my arm, pressing his cheek against mine. "Tell me what's wrong. I am your trusted friend and coworker~"

"More like trusted pain in my ass," I mumbled before sighing, walking over to the boardwalk railing and staring out into the ocean. "It's Keiko. She was supposed to be with me today, but she just called and canceled..." I frowned deeply, eyebrows pinched in worry.

"What else did she say?" Dazai asked quietly, having gone serious once he saw the look in my face. "How did she seem?"

"Off..." I answered immediately before I looked over at my companion. "Or am I just imagining things? Yeah, I'm disappointed she flaked out but...." I hung my head. "I don't know..."

"Well, it could be nothing," Dazai suggested. "Or it could be something. There's no way for you to know."

I made a face at his vague ass answer before sighing again. "I can only trust her. She was the first friend I made when I moved to Japan, and I was excited to see her today. I've been having a rough time lately."

"Is something bothering you?" Dazai asked, and I shivered feeling his gaze on me.

"Eh... just depressed," I answered offhandedly. "Lonely. Normal sad girl shit, ya know."

That made Dazai snicker under his breath. "Yeah, I know. But luckily for you," Dazai started, arm draping around my shoulders and pulling me to him. "I'm here to save the day!"

I couldn't help it, I laughed before I wrapped my arm around his middle, letting him hold me against him. "You'll hang out with me today?"

Dazai grinned. "It would be my pleasure."

Time flew by so quickly, that I was surprised to look at my phone and see that it was damn near seven in the evening. Gaping, I looked up, seeing that the sky was slowly turning dark. "Holy crap, Dazai. Did we really spend the whole day out here?" I asked in shock, looking over at him. "What the hell did we do?!"

"What didn't we do," Dazai whined, slumping against me. "I'm tired... and you still wanna ride the stupid ferris wheel!"

"It's not stupid," I said with a pout. "Besides... we're already in line."

"Meh," Dazai grumbled, still keeping his body pressed against me as we waited in line. He was behind me, his chin pressed on my shoulder. I tried not to shiver as I felt his breath along my neck.

Soon enough, we were in our carriage and slowly riding up to the top. I took a few pictures as we did so, Dazai looking over in amazement.

"You think the drop from up here would kill me?"

"Yeah, and would scar everyone here."

"Oh yeah... can't have that."

I rolled my eyes, glancing over at him and pausing for a bit. Dazai was still looking out over Yokohama, an expression I've never seen before on his face. He almost looked... sad. Very handsome, his side profile absolutely perfect. But he still looked sad. I took a quick picture, smiling as I looked over it on my phone.

The carriage stopped and I couldn't help but grin as we just swayed softly up in the air. "Thanks for spending the day with me, Dazai. It would have sucked if I had spent it alone."

"Ahh, don't sweat it, bella. I couldn't possibly leave you out here alone," Dazai answered dramatically and I laughed and rolled my eyes. 

I felt a vibration in my pocket and I grabbed my phone, smiling at the cute selfie that Keiko sent to me.

'I'm so sorry for bailing! I'll make it up to you, I promise! ❤ mwuah'

"Is that Keiko?" Dazai asked and I nodded, sending her a quick reply.

"Yeah. She seems to be doing okay," I said, feeling a bit relieved.

"That's great!" Dazai exclaimed, getting up from his spot and carefully making his way to sit beside me, much to my horror.

"Dazai! We're not supposed to move around!"

"We're fine!" he waved me off dismissively. "Now you can stop worrying about Keiko and focus on what's important. Me."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "You?"

Dazai hummed. "Yes, me. And how I'm taking you home tonight."

My jaw drops, face heating up at his words. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Dazai answered, his voice dropping a bit as his gaze and entire mood changed. His gaze was darker now, his lips curled up in an almost dangerous smirk. "I think it's time we stop tiptoeing around each other and just take what we really want."

My mouth went dry and I quickly became flustered, turning my head away. Immediately, a hand is grabbing my face, Dazai digging his fingers into my cheeks as he forces me to look back at him.

"Nuh uh, you look at me when I'm speaking."

His authoritative tone makes me freeze, heart pounding in my chest as I stared at Dazai, completely bewildered. I knew there was something more about him than he had let on, and whatever it was, had me in fight or flight mode.

"Now, when we're done here, we're gonna leave and head back to my place, okay?" he asked me, but his tone made it seem like it wasn't a request, and it sure as hell didn't match the seemingly innocent smile on his face; not when it didn't reach his eyes.

I nodded, Dazai removing his hand from my face. His smile sent shivers down my spine.

"Good."

"Mmn... fuck, Dazai..." I moaned and gasped softly, the man on top of me littering my neck with angry red and purple marks, two of his fingers working inside my pussy. I was completely naked on his bed, Dazai only in his underwear-- and his bandages still wrapped around his arms and chest.

"Hey, what did I tell you?" Dazai whispered against my neck, curling his fingers and smirking when I cried out. "Call me Osamu. Don't make me tell you again."

I frantically nodded my head, crying out again as he sped up the pace of his fingers, his mouth moving down to my chest. "F-fuck, Osamu!"

"That's it," he whispered, taking one of my hardened nipples into his mouth. My fingers curled into his soft brown hair, head tilting back and eyes screwing shut as Dazai continued to pleasure my body.

It wasn't long until he pushed his hard cock into my wet pussy, the both of us groaning at the feeling of us finally connecting. I was on my knees and elbows, pillow placed under my hips. Dazai started out slowly, biting his lip as he watched his dick disappear inside of me.

"Fuck... I'm gonna burn this sight into my memory," Dazai groaned, making me whine as I shook my head.

"D-don't stare like that..."

Dazai chuckled softly, his hands grabbing my hips as he started to move faster, thrusting harder. I moaned and whined, it seemed to be the only thing I could do while Dazai fucked the shit outta me. "Osamu... please..."

My whining made the man above me grin widely, his thrusts becoming rougher, almost wild as he suddenly reached out and grabbed a handful off my hair. I yelped when he yanked me up, my back now pressed against his chest and his other hand wrapped around my throat.

"What is it, bella?" he hissed into my ear, pounding away at my pussy and making me cry out again. God, it was too much all at once. "What does my pretty little subordinate want?"

I whined. "I want to cum... please Osamu..."

He cackled, pushing me back on the bed, grabbing my hips so hard, I knew I was gonna bruise. "Cum then," he hissed down at me, pushing my face into the mattress. He fucked me relentlessly, fingers finding my clit and rubbing harsh circles. That made my vision go white, my scream muffled as I came hard, body going rigid as pleasure overtook my body.

"Shit, you're squeezing me so tight," Dazai grunted. He pulled out, ignoring my whines as he stepped off the bed. "Get on your back."

I barely rolled over halfway until there was a strong grip on my ankle, my body being pulled down the length of the bed. Dazai stood at the end, wasting no time in pushing my legs back by the back of my knees, and plunging his cock back into me.

I looked up at him through teary eyes, and I knew I should have been afraid of the mad look that was in his eyes, the way his lips were curled up in a snarl. But it just made my pussy clench around him in arousal, eyes rolling to the back of my head.

I came a second time as he did his first, and much to my ultimate pleasure, we weren't finished there. We pleasured each other through the night, until we wore each other out and fell asleep entangled in the sheets.

I woke up the next morning, groaning in pain as I felt my body ache. I forced myself to sit up, looking around blearily and humming softly when I found Dazai sitting on the edge of the bed, his bare back to me.

"Good morning," he sang to me and I giggled softly, carefully moving to kneel behind him. The blankets fell from around me and I pressed my bare chest against his back. "Hm, that's nice."

"Morning," I said softly, peeking over his shoulder. "What are you do-"

I stop, staring as Dazai wrapped seemingly clean bandages on his heavily scarred left arm. I swallowed thickly, my mind running at what could have possibly been the cause of those scars.

But deep down, I knew that the cause was Dazai himself.

"Do... Do you have enough?" I asked softly, not knowing what else to even say. I didn't want to pry or seem insensitive, just having to get over this metaphorical punch in the gut myself.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" Dazai answered, turning to face me with a cheery smile on his face. In a matter of seconds, I was flat on my back, Dazai on top of me with his lips pressed against mine. It was easy for him to make me forget about what I saw, his kisses stealing my breath away.

"I have to go," he said softly, pushing himself off me after a moment.

I nodded solemnly, watching him continue to get dressed. "Alright. See you at work tomorrow?"

He smirked at me. "You know the answer to that."

I rolled my eyes again, just as my phone started to ring. I grabbed it, sending Dazai a quick smile before answering the call.

"Hey Keiko, guess who got fucking laid." That made Dazai snort while I grinned, though my grin fell as I didn't hear Keiko go off like I thought she would. "Keiko?" I shared a look with Dazai.

"Hey... I need you. Can I come over?"

[weebsinstash]

I've been really vibing with the platonic yandere thing lately in terms of caregivers/guardians/friends so here's some more shameless ideas for Hades

-- for the sake of fanfiction and living vicariously through fictional media,, lets say somehow along your wacky zany "im still alive and trying to get out of the Underworld but somehow I keep dying and respawning without technically being Actually Dead" adventures with Zagreus that it turns out that you've ascended to a weird state of limbo/demigod status so now you're basically a reluctant new member of the House of Hades (i was going to go with "reader is like the god/demigod of the soul/spirit" and apparently the actual goddess of the soul, psyche, was literally born a mortal and ascended to godhood, so, yeah, let's go with something like that)

--now that you're a God half the House is CONSTANTLY All The Way Up Your Ass with either trying to get to know you or give you some sort of mentorship or tutoring and sometimes it's nice but a lot of times people are either Overbearing as Fuck or Clingy because, new God oh my gosh hi hello how are you we never get new people down here!!!

--Nyx and Persephone are your new moms who Only Want The Best For You and I mean this in the worst ways possible

--so that bullshit with Nyx telling Dusa not to speak to Zagreus because Zag is the Prince and Dusa is just the help and therefore not even good enough to interact with him? Yeah expect Nyx to be pulling strings behind your back if she thinks someone is a poor influence on you. A certain shade is mulling about the house to talk to you too much? She'll have them sent back to the depths before you even know they're in the House

--Persephone trying her best to be a good mom but eventually making history repeat itself by becoming to you what Demeter was to her (not as severe obviously but to a degree). At some point she stops asking you to do things and starts telling you, using that kind of "im the parent and you're the child and you should obey me" kind of mentality that comes from intergenerational trauma. She'll start doing thing like pull you away from those nasty dangerous adventures with her son to have you do something safe and mundane like learn the lyre from Orpheus or help her tend to her garden

-- whenever you learn a new thing or get good at something, although he doesn't show it, Hades is a Stubborn but Proud Dad and gives you his own "words of encouragement" that his wife has to translate for him half the time

-- it doesn't really matter if you're a God or not, once The Big Three of Hades, Persephone, and Nyx decide on something, it's done, and your thoughts and feeling on the matter don't mean shit. They want you to dedicate yourself more to your studies to learn more about your abilities? Nyx is Up Your Ass tutoring and she's Strict. You want to keep trying to escape with Zagreus, or maybe not even eacape you're just dungeon crawling and helping him with his job? Hades will just stop you from leaving the House at all. Persephone, well... she's the most easygoing and flexible but she absolutely will lock you in your room until she's calmed down if you displease her

--imagine making it up to the threshold to the surface, on the cusp of reaching the outside world and seeing, well, where and when you are, and Hades doesn't even give you the respect to fight you, he just throws you over his shoulder and carries you back home kicking and screaming while scolding you that you're being foolish and undignified. He will also lock you in your room as a punishment

-- Hades really can't even give you punishments that are too harsh because Persephone gets all guilty and starts thinking about how her own mother treated her so, absolutely does Persephone actually have the most control over how you're treated

--since you kind of just jumped dimensions or something crazy to even get into Greek Mythology Land, your existence is Very Unnatural and Weird so naturally Chaos is just like "well i guess you might as well be my kid or my kin since we both just kinda APPEARED" so now, great, now GOD GOD is watching after you too

--Chaos basically gives you no help whatsoever besides giving you a charm of some kind that helps conceal your thoughts and presence for no other reason than Chaos finding this entire ordeal extremely entertaining and the fact that the Gods and Goddesses will all be fumbling to try and find you every time you disappear is Fucking Hilarious To Them

--Mama's boy Hypnos telling Nyx if you run off because he knows his mom is attached to you 🥺

--even Cerberus will like, be a scenting hound and track you down should Persephone or Hades ask for the hound's help. Imagine getting carried home by Cerberus like, biting your clothing and basically picking you up like a kitten. Humiliating

--you make it up to the surface and Thanatos just straight up snuffs you out to send you all the way back down like "mother is looking for you and zag and I are lonely :("

--Achilles is your Nice Gay Dad who does not want you in any danger whatsoever, outright refuses to train you if you ask (besides the fact that Hades would blow a fuse if he did). He asks Zagreus not to teach you anything and tries to subtly steer you towards safer pursuits, maybe even trying to encourage Zagreus or other members of the House to pursue you romantically so you can fall in love and have a nice life, like he couldn't

[stratossphere]

bodyguard | a. hotchner

summary: reader needs someone to spend the night with them while an escaped convict is stalking them, and they choose aaron hotchner, thinking he won’t even come.

warnings: smut, unprotected sex, oral (m. recieving), fem! reader, dirty talk, language

a/n: this is my first fic so go easy on me lol

——

"Okay. This is ridiculous." You scoffed, staring at Morgan. You did not need a bodyguard. You were 25!

"Ridiculous or cautious?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at you. You silently wondered if he got them plucked and waxed to make them look that good. At your annoyed look, he sighed. "Well, how about this? I'll let you pick who guards you."

"That's stupid." You paused for a moment, mulling it over. "Okay, let me think about it." You sighed. You were on the brink of coming up with a plan, but you needed time to think. The man you had arrested had been released, and had promised in a letter to kidnap and torture you to his best ability. Comforting.

You sat at your desk for a while, mindlessly sorting through case files JJ had dropped on your desk, trying to think of some way to get out of being babysat by someone on the team. At first you were going to pick Derek because you liked his sense of humor, but then rationalized that he would probably make you sit in a corner.

Then you thought Reid, by Morgan would probably also say no. Reid was dealing with issues of his own, and the last time he had been a bodyguard for someone, they had ended up making out in a pool. And that was not happening.

Prentiss was unavailable because of a case in another state she was working with Rossi, and you knew JJ had Henry. Suddenly, it dawned on you. Ask for Hotch, and he would 100% say no. That left Garcia, and Morgan would most likely say no to that because she was unarmed. So you made your decision.

"Morgan!" You walked back up to his desk, a proud look on your face. You may not have been the smartest profiler, but you were definitely the best at getting your way.

"What's up, sweetheart?" He asked, turning in his chair and grinning at you. "You picked me, right?" Ooh, so confident. You shook your head.

"Hotch."

"Ooh, nicely played. No way he's going to say yes." He chuckled. "Go up and tell him."

"What? I have to tell him?" You complained, pouting. You didn't want to have to deal with his seemingly never ending temper. But alas, you marched your happy ass up to his office, and knocked on his door. He was on the phone but he motioned you in, telling whoever was on the phone he would need to call them back. He set down his phone, turning his attention to you. He looked exhausted, and if you weren't afraid of him, you would've told him he needed to go home.

"What?" He snapped impatiently, making you want to back out of that office as fast as you could. Hotch in a bad mood wasn’t exactly your favorite thing. You scoffed. Attitude much?

"Well, good evening to you, too."

"What can I do for you? I was kind of busy." He said a little softer, huffing and reaching again for his phone. You chewed on your lip. You hated asking people things. Even more so when they were apparently in a pissy mood.

"Morgan needs you to be my bodyguard for the night." You blurted, staring at your feet and then back up at him. He sighed deeply, staring at you for a second. Heck yeah, he's going to say no. You knew that look, seeing as he literally said no to you at least 5 times a day.

"Uh, okay. I'll get my stuff and take you home." He said, standing up. Your jaw dropped. No fucking way. He raised an eyebrow at your reaction to his words. Shit. Now you had to back your way out.

"What? No! You were supposed to say no!" You whined, throwing your hands in the air. Essentially throwing a fit in his office. In front of your boss. "You're obviously busy. See you later."

"I didn't ask what you wanted me to do, Agent. Get your stuff and we'll head to my car." He reprimanded, heading towards the door. "Let's go. And I don't want to hear any complaining." Well that was unexpected. You understood that he was overworked, but did he really need to yell at you?

"You're already acting like my drill sergeant and we aren't even home yet. Are you going to be this way the whole time?" You ignored his request, moping as you followed him. Morgan gave you a surprised/empathetic look as you passed by, and you pretended to throw up. He turned to look at you, clenching his jaw. You stopped as soon as his eyes met yours, straightening your posture. Force of habit, being around your straight-laced boss all the time.

"I can see you. You're right next to me." He muttered, giving you an annoyed look. You stifled a groan at his stone stature. This was going to be a long ride.

The drive home was silent, the only words spoken were "don't touch that" when you turned on the radio. He let The Beatles play, though, which you found interesting seeing as it was playing off the CD in his car already. Hotch likes Lennon. When you got home, you led him into your apartment, only after he'd cleared it for you. This was all so stupid.

"You should just go home. It's not like I'm going to die." You said as you watched him walk through the house with his shoes on. Who knew what kind of shit he had walked through in his work shoes?! Part of you was too afraid to see what his socks looked like anyways, so you let it go. You collapsed on the couch as you watched him look through stuff, that serious 'boss face' set even deeper than usual. It was exhausting, watching him frown so much. You always tried to make him laugh or smile, but to no avail. He was a stone cold bitch.

"No. You can't just be here by yourself." He said, stopping his pacing in front of you. His frown deepened (if that was even possible) at the amused look on your face, and he crossed his arms, pausing where he was standing in the kitchen. "What?"

"How do you just frown? All day? Like, I don't think I've ever seen you smile. Ever." You asked, giving him a curious look. He chuckled, shaking his head. But he didn't smile. How do you manage to laugh without smiling? Maybe he was soulless. That would make a lot of sense, honestly.

"You should go to bed."

"I'm not tired. You just want to get rid of me." You scoffed, shaking your head. He pinched his nose, sighing heavily. You were starting to seriously annoy him. Personally, you thought it was very funny.

"If I say yes, will you shut up and go to bed?" He asked dryly. You put up your hands in defense, getting up and rolling your eyes. You didn't need that kind of disrespect in your own home.

"You can't be my boss when we're in my house." You pointed out, turning on the living room light. "Hotch. Take off your shoes. Stay a while. Jesus Christ." Him pacing like that was starting to seriously stress you out.

"My job isn't to 'stay awhile.' I'm watching you, not hanging out with you." But he did kick of his shoes, and low and behold, he was wearing plain black. Boring. He could've at least done some colored diamonds. "Why are you staring at my feet."

His voice startled you, and you glanced back up at his face. He had a questioning look on his face, and he looked annoyed. But then again, he always looked annoyed.

"Sorry. I was just noticing how boring your socks are." You mumbled. He really needed to get some fashion tips from Reid and Penelope when it came to socks. He would've yelled at you if you were back at the BAU, but all he did this time was laugh.

There! A smile. A small one, but still a smile.

"Stop profiling me. All my socks are the same." He said curtly, crossing his arms. You faked a disappointed sigh, shaking your head.

"You shouldn't have said that if you didn't want me to profile. You like order." You offered, sitting back down. He looked unfazed by this, and shrugged. Just slightly.

"You already knew that, though. You've spent a lot of time in my office." He pointed out. He took off his jacket, hanging it on your barstool. Okay. Making progress. You nodded, giving him a grim look. Well, he wasn't wrong. That man spent more time reprimanding you than he did actually talking to you.

"You also like yelling." You grumbled, grinding your teeth momentarily to show that it pissed you off.

"And apparently, you like being yelled at." He said with raised eyebrows. You watched him, hiding the small smile on your face behind your palm. He wasn't so scary when he looked like that. Face relaxed.

"You don't want to be here." It was very obvious. He wouldn't sit down, and he was seconds away from starting to pace again. Plus, he kept looking through the open window. He was watching. Waiting. It was making you just as restless as him. Who knew SSA Hotchner was so squirrelly?

"I could be home with my son right now." He admitted, raising an eyebrow at you as if to say and? so what? you chose to come here in the first place.

"Then go home." You stated simply.

"No." Ugh. So stubborn. You decided to make light of his attitude.

"Well, at least I know someone enjoys my company." You joked, patting the space next to you on the couch. "You should really sit down. You can't just stand there all night." You'd think after so much walking and standing at work, he'd want to sit down and relax.

To your surprise, he did sit down, crossing his arms. This was the most calmly dressed you had ever seen him, and yet he was dressed more formal than anyone who had ever taken you on a date. Your eyes lingered on the top button of his shirt. He had unbuttoned it at some point. The way his shirt fit snugly on his arms, his hands...

"Do you know anyone who seems to linger around your apartment too long? Seems to always be there when you leave?" He was trying to divert your attention back to the case, but you didn't feel like talking about it. At least he had stopped your staring. You hoped he hadn't seen it.

"You know, the good thing about this is that you left at a normal time today." You pointed out. When he could get away with it, you weren't sure he even left his office overnight. He was there later than you and always there earlier the next morning, so you couldn't be sure. If he didn't annoy you so much, you'd worry about his wellbeing.

"I don't appreciate you judging my work schedule. What I do after you leave is not under your jurisdiction." He stated tensely, clenching his jaw. You groaned, leaning your head back dramatically. He was starting to give you a headache.

"Hotch. Loosen up. Seriously. You could eat something, watch something on TV, go to bed, get a drink, talk to me without that glare on your face-" you tsked, "-I could go on forever."

"How about you go to bed and I'll watch something? You still have work tomorrow." He said, reaching for the remote. You sighed, getting up and giving up at the same time. He also had to work tomorrow but WHATEVER.

"Fine. But if you're going to watch The Bachelor, don't tell me what happens. I'm recording it." You warned, pointing at him aggressively. He shook his head disapprovingly as you walked away and into your room. It was weird, knowing Aaron Hotchner was sitting in your living room, and you were going to bed. Very weird. But you couldn't erase the stupid smile he had caused from your face.

All jokes aside, once you were in your room (and you could hear the news in the living room, you should've guessed), the reality of the situation was starting to set in. Someone was watching you. Waiting to murder you in any way they could. Most likely torture and mutilation as he had his original victims. And yet, they hadn't had enough evidence to prosecute. You were alone now, and there was no one to distract your stalker.

You checked out the windows a couple of times, hiding behind the curtain. You couldn't tell if it was the dark or your imagination, but you saw people everywhere. Shadows in the alley outside your window, someone standing across the street, you began to feel increasingly jittery. Okay. You gave up. You were not about to be murdered in your sleep when you had your made-of-steel boss basically waiting for your call. You weren't just going to waste your resources.

"Hotch?" You called, unable to hide the quiver in your voice. You heard footsteps, and a second later he was in your doorway, looking panicked. You were already starting to regret your decision. You didn't need him in here. You didn't. You didn't.

"What? What's going on?" He asked, halting to a stop and looking around frantically. You grimaced, shaking your head.  You needed him in here.

"Nothing. Sorry. I was just going to ask you if you could look around one more time. Just to make sure." You said sheepishly, looking at him hopefully. He sighed in relief, relaxing. You had obviously worried him.

"Of course. Stay with me, just in case." He waited for you to follow him before walking out of the room. His demeanor was relaxed, and you could tell he was sure there was nothing to worry about, but he was looking anyway, which was nice. You did a full sweep of the apartment and obviously came up with nothing. You couldn't ignore the fact that you had immediately felt at ease when you had seen his face.

"Clear." He said as he closed your closet door. Part of you wanted to laugh at the obscurity of the situation you had just witnessed. Your boss checking your closet for monsters. Ridiculous. But the other part was focused out the window. Maybe you weren't hallucinating.

"Hotch." You whispered, moving to the side so you weren't in full view. When he looked your way you pointed out the window to the person who actually was standing across the street. So you weren't crazy. Hotch looked out the window from where he was standing and immediately reached for his gun, not taking it out but not taking his hand off of it. He watched for a while, then removed his hand.

"He's walking a dog." He realized, slowly closing the curtain. You sat down on the bed, pulling your knees to your chest. You sighed in relief. You were being so stupid.

"Okay. This is a lot." You mumbled, watching him glance out the window one more time. He turned back to you, a concerned (or something like that) look on his face.

"I can sit in here until you fall asleep." He said quietly, nodding to the chair next to your bed. You raised your eyebrows in surprise, the offer not one you would expect from your boss.

"Uh, yeah. That would be great, actually." You climbed under your covers as you watched him sit down and dial a number. You didn't know how you were supposed to sleep with him talking on the phone, but you went along with it and laid down.

"Hey, Garcia. I know it's late. I need you to arrange tighter security around y/n's apartment. There's only so much I can do from here." He paused for a second, listening to whatever Penelope was saying on the other end. "Thank you. And please, stop calling me that." He hung up, and then dialed another number. You stared at the ceiling as you listened to him talk endlessly with like 6 different people about six different things, and thought: who knew hotch was such a loudmouth?

"What are you, a teenage girl?" You groaned, sitting up. He looked startled, but he stopped dialing.

"Excuse me?" He must've thought you were sleeping.

"I have never met someone who spends so much time on the phone. Do you ever sleep?" You complained, turning your head to look at him. He turned off his phone and set it in his lap, giving you an annoyed look.

"I thought you were sleeping."

"It's impossible to sleep when you're talking." You weren't about to tell him that his voice was comforting. More when he wasn't using his Unit Chief voice. But you had yet to hear much of that.

"Not true. Jack falls asleep every night to Harry Potter." He objected. You rolled your eyes, pulling the covers further up towards your chin.

"I'd rather you read then talk about case files." You muttered.

"I don't have a book." He argued. You couldn't tell if he was joking or not, so you opened your nightstand drawer and pulled out some stupid mystery book you had never read. You didn't really have a lot of time for reading with your job.

"Profile and solve before the book ends." You suggested. "I'm sure you'll figure it out by the 3rd chapter or so. Probably the butler." For some reason, you were feeling pretty drowsy as soon as he had stopped talking, and it was getting hard to keep your eyes open. He gave you a gentle smile, opening the book and looking it over.

"Butler? It's usually the ex-boyfriend." He countered. You laughed weakly, closing your eyes and humming a small agreement.

"You can read it out loud, if you want." You mumbled. He paused for a second, and then he started reading. The book was about a dead son, and all the family were suspects. His voice has quieted down considerably, and as he turned the pages, his tone was barely audible. You fell asleep before he could get any farther than that.

——

You jolted out of a bad dream of someone breaking in when you opened your eyes. You were leaning on your arm, but your arm wasn't on your mattress. It was in Hotch's lap. You looked up to see that he was asleep, head leaning back with his mouth slightly open. You got up, stretching your arm seeing as it was asleep. This woke him, and he jolted into awareness. You rubbed your eyes, trying to bring the room into focus.

"Calm down." You mumbled, falling back against your pillows. You tried to calm your heartbeat, but for some reason panic had set in and wouldn't leave.

"You were thrashing in your sleep. I couldn't get you to sit still unless I held you down like that." He said, explaining the way you had woken up. You closed your eyes again, taking deep breaths. "Are you okay?"

"Not at the moment, no." You huffed. You reached out your hand, finding his and squeezing it tightly. "This is kind of scary. What does it tell you about me that I'm an FBI agent scared of an invisible man?"

"Tells me that you're sane. I would be worried if you weren't scared." He held my hand in both of his, giving me a sympathetic look. "You're not even fully awake." His skin on your skin was making you feel a certain way, even if it was just his hands.

"Can you sit with me?" You mumbled, squeezing his hand tighter. His hands on yours were calming the panic a little bit, but not enough. He chuckled.

"I'm already sitting with you. You probably won't even remember this conversation in the morning."

"No, like, in bed with me. Just sit with me. Please?" You begged. You knew he was going to say no, but it never hurt to ask. He sighed.

"Fine. But just this once." He got up and walked over to the other side of your bed, crawling in slowly. You leaned up against his side and wrapped your arms around him, his arm coming to rest on your shoulders. His cologne smelled expensive, and it was comforting. He had taken off his button up shirt at some point, and all he was wearing was the white t-shirt he had been wearing underneath it. It was soft against your fingers, and it smelled of laundry detergent. You could feel his heartbeat with your head on his chest like that.

You fell asleep like that, and part of you wondered if maybe, just maybe, you had a soft spot for Aaron Hotchner. Not long after that, you regretted the thought as he woke you for the millionth time. The man wouldn't sit still. He kept shifting around, shoulder hitting your side or a kick to the leg. Only once did he mutter a gravelly sorry and still for about ten seconds. Finally, you had had enough, and you jolted into sitting position, looking at your alarm clock. 3:28.

"What is wrong with you?" You groaned, turning to look at him, a desperate look on your face. You couldn't sleep if he was going to keep doing that, and you had had enough. You startled him considerably, and his head whipped around to look over at you. He had resorted to a lying down position, his pillow shoved under his arm and his hair tousled. He looked pretty good like that.

"I didn't know you were awake." He muttered, resting his head on his hand. You mimicked his position, quirking an eyebrow at him. You had no idea if he could even see it in the dark. He sighed uncomfortably. "Nothing is wrong with me."

"You sure? Because you've shifted in your sleep more times tonight than I think I have in my entire life." You pointed out, lying back down on your side and keeping your eyes on him. "What's bothering you?"

"Well, it's just..." he trailed off, trying to find the right words. "I'm in a bed with my coworker, and then I had a nightmare-" Aw, poor baby. Wait what? Split second decisions were made.

"Come here." You said gently, opening your arms to him. He hesitated for a second before letting his head fall to your chest, sighing softly as your fingers found his hair. Yeah, you definitely had a soft spot for your boss. You did that for a while, just running your fingers through the dark strands and making it stick up all over the place. "You want me to help you relax a little bit?" It was a stretch, and there was a chance that he was going to shut down and go sit in the living room, but the haze of waking up in the middle of the night had brought you some welcomed confidence.

"You already did it! What's the harm in continuing to do it?" You pressed another kiss to his lips, inhaling the scent of his cologne. "Plus, I don't kiss and tell." His hands slipped under your shirt, his fingers coming in contact with the warm skin of your back. A low chuckle against your lips and he seemed to be okay with it.

"Oh you don't?" He complied as you started to unbutton his shirt, gasping for breath as he sucked harsh marks on your neck, his breath hot against your sensitive skin. Any bit of hesitation he had been displaying previously was gone, and now all you could see was animalistic hunger in his eyes. His skin against yours was intoxicating, and even though it wasn't physically possible, you wanted to press yourself closer to him. Your fingers found his belt buckle, blindly fumbling with the silver piece.

"You want to know a secret?" He breathed as he broke the kiss, helping you get his belt undone and sliding out of his work pants. You couldn't help but laugh, his words completely unexpected. "What's so funny?"

"A secret? My big bad boss wants to tell me a secret?" You rested your elbows on his shoulders, waiting for his answer. You were secretly curious to know what this secret of his was. He pressed another kiss to your lips before motioning to the black socks he was still wearing.

"These socks are reversible." He whispered. A small smile spread onto your face, your hand reaching down to his feet and peeling back his sock to see if he was bullshitting you. He wasn't. The socks may have been plain, boring black on the side he had chosen to wear outside, but on the inside, they had little Santas all over them. You started giggling again, pulling him back into a kiss.

"I love them, but I wanna see you naked." You sang, your hand slowly trailing its way down his stomach. He sucked in a harsh breath, quickly stopping your hand.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, tipping your chin so that your eyes looked into his. There was worry in his eyes, but at the same time, there was undeniable lust. You nodded eagerly, lips parting slightly in a way you hoped would get him all hot and bothered. He shook his head, sighing.

"I need to hear you say it."

"I want you. I need you, Hotch." You whined, opening your mouth again as his thumb dragged across your lips. He pressed his thumb into your mouth, watching you with hungry eyes.

"You can call me Aaron." He chewed on his lip as he watched you suck on his thumb, looking up at him with faux innocent eyes. Your fingers found the waistband of his boxers again, starting to pull them down slowly. This time he didn't stop you, groaning slightly as your fingers brushed his hard on and pushed his boxers off as he accommodated the movement. He had pulled his socks off after showing you, so now he was completely bare in front of you.

God, you wanted this man to rail you.

You released his finger, instead attatching your lips to his neck and kissing your way down his chest. He was heaving for breath, and you felt a small pang of pride at how worked up you had him without even touching him where you knew he wanted you to. His fingers made their way into your hair, pulling slightly. You wasted no time, and wrapped your lips around the head of his cock. He gasped audibly, pulling a little harder and bucking his lips toward your mouth. You swiped your tongue over the slit, earning a filthy moan from his lips. He pressed deeper into your mouth, and he started to thrust heavily, fucking your face. You hollowed out your cheeks, the moans coming from his lips going straight to your cunt.

"Oh, fuck. J-just like that." He groaned, his nails digging into your scalp. Who knew Aaron Hotchner was so vocal?

You bobbed your head feverishly in turn of his thrusts, groaning as he pulled at your hair. Suddenly, he pulled you off, wiping your lips with his thumb before pulling you back to his lips for a brushing kiss. He started to aggressively pull of the remainder of your clothes, throwing them haphazardly across the room. He pushed you back on the bed, slotting a knee between your legs.

"You know, there's something that I like to think about a lot." He mumbled, his hand drifting down your stomach. The way your body reacted to his touch, back arching and breath quickening, was making him so hard his cock was aching for you. You wrapped your legs around his waist, grinding against him.

"Yeah? What's that?" You asked, gasping as he started running slow, lazy circles over your clit. "God, I need you inside me, Aaron."

"I think about fucking you until you scream. Watching you come on my cock while I pound into you. Feeling your skin against mine. Wondering how you would taste." He whispered into your ear, chuckling as you reached between you to line him up with your entrance.

"You and me both, sweetheart." You bit his lip, trying to push forward to get him inside you. He put a hand on your stomach, keeping you still and at the same time stopping his movements on your clit. He raked his hands through your hair as he slowly pushed into you, pausing to let you get adjusted to his size.

"Don't call me sweetheart." He groaned, pressing his forehead to yours as you jerked your hips up towards his. His cologne had filled your senses and clouded your brain, and you knew that in the future every time you smelled it, you were going to associate it with the feeling of being stuffed with your boss's cock.

"More. Please." You whined, gripping his shoulders and grinding your hips in hope of getting some friction to soothe the unbearable arousal that was begging to be quenched. You needed him. You couldn't handle any more. He chuckled, starting to slowly move his hips, starting a teasing pace that he knew wasn't even close to being enough. You let out a sound that was a mix of a moan and a whine, loving the feeling of him buried to the hilt inside of you.

"So needy, aren't you?" He lifted one of your legs so that it was up against his chest, effectively thrusting into a different position. You cried out as he hit your g-spot, putting your hand over his where it was gripping your breast.

"Fuck! Fuck yeah, right there!" You cried, feeling your orgasm starting to build in your lower stomach. He let out a groan as his thrusts became sloppier, signaling that his climax was close behind. Your moans became more sporadic and his name fell from your lips over and over again as your high approached. "Oh god, m'gonna cum." You were breathless, and barely able to get the words out.

"Don't." He leaned onto you, pulling you so that your chests were pressed together, you in his lap and his hands on your hips pulling you down onto him. You shook your head, gripping his hair and pulling. You couldn't hold it. Every part of your body was on fire, and your walls fluttered around him as you held on with everything you had. Finally, he moaned into your neck, and you felt his cock twitch inside of you.

"Cum. Cum all over my cock." He groaned, kissing you with teeth and tongue as you both came together, the feeling of his cum inside you causing you to moan on top of the euphoria from your orgasm. You both rode out your highs before holding that position, both trying to catch your breath. He then slowly pulled out of you, eliciting a whimper from you as he brushed your sensitive clit. You laid back on your bed, so blissed out you barely felt him lie down next to you.

He pulled you against his chest, his chin resting on your head and his arm wrapped loosely around your waist. After a while, you felt his cum start to leave you, so you got up to go to the bathroom, cleaning yourself up and peeing before going back into the bedroom, admiring the sight in front of you. Aaron, spread out on the bed, sweaty and disheveled. He looked gorgeous. You just stood there for a second, locking the sight into your memory. You had no idea if you would be able to do this again. The thought hadn't even crossed your mind that he might not want to see you again after tonight. He was, in fact, just supposed to be babysitting you. Not fucking you. Maybe he was sitting there thinking about how much he regretted having sex with you.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" His voice interrupted your intrusive thoughts, bringing you back to earth. You sent him a small smile, padding back to the bed and getting in next to him, sliding back under his arm.

"You're just so handsome. I can't believe Aaron Hotchner is naked in my bed." You mused, running your forefinger over the grooves and lines on the palm of his hand. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, his free hand drawing lazy circles on your lower back. The thought of someone stalking you outside your window had definitely escaped your mind, and the anxiety that had plagued you earlier about your situation was no longer a thought as you laid in Aaron's arms.

"Get used to it, sweetheart. I can't imagine being anywhere else." He purred, giving you a chaste kiss. He smelled so good. Everything about him was just so amazing. You wanted him to hold you forever. You haphazardly ran your fingers through his soft dark locks, relishing the reaction you received from him when you did so. Eventually, the both of you drifted off, holding each other like that. That was certainly not how you thought the night was going to end.

——

Your alarm for work the next morning woke you, and for a second you freaked out. Shit! Someone was in your bed! Then you remembered, and sighed in relief as you sat up. He opened his eyes slowly, groaning and trying to keep you from getting up.

"We have to leave in 30 minutes." You mumbled, getting up and stretching your arms over your head. You knew he was a very routine-oriented person, so you thought it would be fair to at least warn him that you woke up and hour and a half after he did. It was common knowledge that he woke up way before he needed to be at work. Everyone at work poked fun at him for it. He shot up like a bullet, his eyes wide.

"30 minutes? Are you kidding me?" He rushed out of bed, frantically fixing his sex hair in the mirror. You laughed, coming up behind him and wrapping your arms around his torso.

"Calm down, Agent Hotchner. I'll make sure you get to work on time. You might have to skip the shower though." In all honesty, you had set your alarm for 30 minutes later than usual after last night's endeavors so that you could enjoy him in your bed for a little while longer. He turned around and kissed you, his hands roaming over your still naked body. "Easy, lover. Keep doing that and we will definitely be late for work." You warned. He had put on his boxers at some point, and after he broke the kiss, he was digging around for his clothes. You watched him work, pulling on clothes frantically and at the same time checking texts/emails on his phone. You leisurely got dressed, barely giving the time a thought. You couldn't get yelled at by your boss for being late if your boss was late with you.

"You're something else, you know that?" He huffed, adjusting his watch on his wrist as you sat in his lap while putting on mascara. You ignored him, concentrating on not poking yourself in the eye. Since he had to get ready at your house (which included him using your toothbrush and letting you brush out his hair) he didn't have his hair gel, so his hair fell on his forehead softly, which made him look so cute. You vocalized this thought to him as you got up and led him into the kitchen to grab your shoes.

"I'm not cute." He muttered, grumbling to himself as he tied the laces on his dress shoes. You brushed your thumb over his cheek, grinning.

"Uh huh. Whatever you say." You left after that, and guess what? You weren't even late. As you rode to Quantico, you silently wondered what he did in the two hours before he had to leave for work. Crosswords? The news? Working out? Changing outfits? Well, that last one seemed improbable seeing as he wore the same thing every day, but you never know. You honestly had no idea. When you walked into the bullpen and separated from Hotch, Morgan was immediately in your face, bombarding you with questions.

"So? How was it?"

"Did he sleep there?"

"Does he snore?"

"Did anything interesting happen?"

"Did he say anything about your apartment?"

"Slow down, Morgan. Jesus. It was...interesting." You sighed, sitting down on his desk so that he would sit down in his chair and calm down a little bit. He raised a perfect eyebrow, evidently wanting more.

"Did he sleep there?"

"Well duh, Derek. Unsubs don't just decide they can't stalk at night because it's dark outside and the monsters are going to get them. He had to stay there, according to him." You explained. You were stepping on thin ice, and you were hoping he wouldn't assume what had actually happened.

"Where did he sleep?" He pried, wiggling his eyebrows and giving you a suggestive look. You rolled your eyes, feigning annoyance with is antics.

"In a chair." You lied. Well, technically you weren't lying, he had fell asleep in the chair next to your bed for a couple of hours. But that wasn't the full truth. And as a knowing look crossed his face, you realized with fear that he seemed to know the same thing.

"You seem to be looking everywhere but me, mama. Come on, tell me the dirty details." He dragged the word way too long, a wide smirk on his face. I glanced up at Aaron's office, only to see him leaning against the railing out of Derek's eyesight, his look mirroring Derek's. You sighed, leaning in closer and sending Aaron an annoyed look.

"This stays between us, understand?" You asked, giving him a serious look. You didn't need him gossiping about your sex life with Garcia. Of course you were going right over to her room after this, but you wanted her to hear the real story, not Derek's no doubt over-dramatized version. He nodded eagerly, leaning in with you. You explained how last night went, and as soon as you got to the part about how you had sex, he couldn't contain himself.

"Oh my god. You did what?"

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET S3 EPISODE 8 RECAP AKA THE KYORU CHRONICLES PART 2 (plus a quick recap of eps 3-7)

aaaaaaAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! I gotta get it out of me otherwise I won't be able to concentrate on work and I will be scrolling through the tag till the day I die. Everything from episode 3 of Season 3 literally hit me like an avalanche - literally cos I marathoned 3-7 over the weekend which I wouldn't advise unless you want an accelerated heartbeat - and I'm starting to realise... maybe I just wasn't ready for season 3. Despite asking for it, haha. Not gonna put as many screencaps for this one cos tumblr editing bay be trippin and I just don't have time nor emotional energy to be fighting with the picture uploads, sorry lol

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Episodes 3 - 7

I spoke before about how (despite my feelings about the characters) the English dub VAs for Akito and Shigure pair up really well audibly. And I think I feel the same way about both Yuki and Machi's English VAs! They both have the same soft spoken yet scratchy element to their voices almost like they are holding slightly back. Although, I'd argue that Yuki has been losing the element of slightly holding back as the anime has gone on which I wonder if the same would be included for Machi's performance?

I really like the presentation of Machi's trauma through her family's expectations to be perfect and how physical it is? How Yuki kind of encourages her to let it out in a healthy way? (Btw the whole chalk breaking scene in the meeting was SO FUCKING SMOOTH. YUKI IS A NERD BUT HE IS SO EFFORTLESSLY COOL A LOT OF THE TIME)

The age gap between Isuzu and Haru for sure isn't the worst age gap in this anime/manga but it's still a bit... hmm...

Episode 4:

In all seriousness, I know Akito deserves some sympathy but it doesn't change the fact that I still see her as a villain. Hurt people hurt people but it doesn't mean they should get away with it, I was honestly pleased Haru got that big confrontation with Akito to tell her WHAT'S WHAT but it was also somewhat... merciful?

Hiro's growth has been so beautiful to see, him realising there are bigger things than him from the event with Rin to his relationship with Kisa to then the birth of his little sister.

Kureno choosing to get his hands a little dirtier and paying the ultimate price for it (as far as we know so far in the anime lol) was great, he is the moon side of Tohru's sunshine.

Shigure... I still don't really get him and Akito's relationship. It's clear he's waiting for Akito to grow the fuck up but at the same time he's not creating an environment for her to grow and develop. He's decided to go with the 'tough love' route which I'm still deciding whether I like it or not tbh. Sometimes it feels necessary, at other times it feels shitty. I respect that he knows he's a scumbag and I don't deny that there are people out there who take revelry in the fact that they are awful but at the same time, him remaining unchanging despite everything feels... unrealistic. But considering throughout this story he doesn't seem affected by trauma, it's understandable, I guess?

Also... that scene where Shigure ponders about whether he should've been with Tohru is THE creepiest creeper shit he's EVER done in this series. No. 🙅🏾‍♀️

Momiji is best bunny boi regardless of how tall and 'manly' he becomes. 🐰His scene with Akito was so authentically him and he really did that shit. We love him. <3

I love the way that the curse breaking should (on surface) be a happy event considering all the trauma the zodiac went through because of it but it's presented mostly as loss as well as happiness. It's the realness of getting out of a bad relationship

Shigure basically laying it out to Tohru how Kyo means nothing in a very taunting way was an excellently painful scene and I choose violence. It was heartbreaking seeing how worthless they all saw Kyo compared to how Tohru saw him but... by this point I was just living in the pain so 🤷🏾‍♀️

The story visually showing how Isuzu is more willing to be soft after her whole ordeal through her fashion choices (e.g. the pastels, the cardigans) was really nice. And Haru being happy about Isuzu making friends with Tohru was cute!

It was nice we saw that Kazuma was still wary about whether Tohru loved Kyo for the right reasons, you'd assume after everything Kazuma would love Tohru as a match for Kyo but he's so emotionally intelligent and also just a protective Dad! Yay, good parenting!

Tohru's confession to loving Kyo was amazing however I still adore Kyo's confession a little bit more. Just a bit. Lol. However, if you add the moment later in episode 8 it trumps it completely. Ethereal goddess.

Kyo and Tohru's grandfather having a scene together was great and nice

Now that I think about it, I wish there was more a visual link in the story between Tohru adapting her speech to imitate her Dad and Momiji adopting his Mum's German accent. Albeit for slightly different reasons, it just adds to the unique connection Tohru and Momiji have. In short, I'm seeing this ship with my third eye now. I get it lol

I don't wanna screencap the scene where Kyo is haunted by both his deceased mother and deceased Kyoko and potentially deceased Tohru because it's the stuff of nightmares. But, it was a wonderfully done scene. You definitely understand fully and clearly why Kyo buried all of that trauma under his hatred for Yuki (I CAN'T WAIT FOR EPISODE 9, YOU GUISE!)

If Akito is a villain, Ren is the final boss. Although, with her type of villainy... I feel like I can kind of enjoy a bit more. She reminds me of a Greek God in the ways she master manipulates people and her desperation for control and power (I just read 'Mythos' by Stephen Fry, it's a great read lol)

It lowkey feels like every female character who's comfortable in expressing their sexuality in this story is punished in some way for it... this is an incomplete thought

Shigure as a child feeling like they should all be pitied is so... mature... I feel like I need more of an explanation for why Shigure is the way he is

Akito's ego death with Kureno? Amazing. I loved that she was at least aware enough to realise how Kureno had been coddling her all this time but again... doesn't excuse her crimes

But anyways...

EPISODE 8

Honestly? I really don't have much to say about this episode besides 3-5 points I wanna get out of my head. It's not a bad thing at all, it's just that there's still a lot left to play out from this 'arc' and this season in general that I wanna complete my thoughts on.

But I'll start with this:

Lol, isn't it funny?! Isn't it heart-wrenchingly funny how the relationship between Kyo and Tohru has kinda reverted back to how they were at the start of the series? The coldness of Kyo at the beginning of this episode (and throughout) was a bit of a gut punch considering all the light and fluffy moments that we've gotten between the two since the True Form arc.

Talking about the True Form arc, I feel like this episode is somewhat a repeat of the same emotions, same trials of the True Form arc. Kyo still 'runs away like he always has' but this time we get him being the most honest and confrontational with his own emotions and trauma than he ever has been during the course of this whole story. While trusting someone (Tohru specifically) for the first time with the whole truth of his story! He always seems to move one step forward and then three steps backwards and while it's a tad bit frustrating, it feels very... real. I'll probably complete my feelings how this arc reflects the True Form arc when we finish this section of the story in future episode(s).

Considering the fact that 80% of this episode is Jerry Jewell monologuing as Kyo and I never got bored really just sells his performance. Kyo was being incredibly cold this episode and yet the range of emotions through his performance made it feel understandable enough for you to empathise with it.

BrattyKid!Kyo to lighten the mood 😹I still wish he and Hiro had more of a relationship, I feel like they could have taught each other a lot. Well... mostly Kyo teaching Hiro tbh

Kyo rejecting Kyoka for her honesty and kindness and then later rejecting Tohru? Oh... kid...

Wow, I felt so good about that whole episode of Kid!Yuki helping Kid!Tohru get home and then it's slightly soured knowing KID!KYO was running about the streets alllll night into the morning?!?! I really did feel Kyo's frustration at not getting that win to actually do something right. And the irony of that being linked to him being unable to save Kyoka from the oncoming car?

Honestly, I don't know what my feelings are on Kyo being unable to save Kyoka. I don't even know what my feelings are on Tohru pretty much pushing that aside in favour of her feelings for Kyo. It's... complicated and I've been mulling it over in my head for the last 10+ years hahah However, if I was in Tohru's position I think I'd eventually come to a point where it feels like it's too late to really do anything about how bad I'd feel about it. Kyo's intentions weren't horrid, if anything he was just being a scared kid and he's allowed to be that. I just wish Tohru had a bit more time to evaluate it but considering she knew her mother well and assumes that wouldn't have been the full scope of what she had said, I don't have much of a problem with it in general

Lol, I love when Tohru gets a 'FUCK YOU, I LOVE YOU' moment with Kyo. 😂Another reflected scene from the True Form arc... only thing is that this time... it doesn't quite work. 😕

(Again, I love how all of these reflections are resolved in later occurences in response to the duality but I'll get to it next week when it shows hopefully)

Laura Bailey only had a few sentences in this episode but she killed it as always. Comparing her performance in 2001 to now is just... growth!

Ok, so Yuki automatically gets Best Boi in this episode for meddling and chasing after KYO of all people. Showing how he's personally done with hating Kyo. Realising Kyo is pretty much the only person who'll make his mother happy. I think he also lowkey wants to understand Kyo? But, we'll get to that next week.

....Oh yeah, Akito is there.

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In total, I liked this episode even though it has me anxious for the next one. We finally get the full picture of why Kyo is the way he is! Ahhhh - a weight off all our chests, I'm sure. I kinda don't like that they put the ending theme at the end of these episodes - the joyfulness doesn't really match up with the intense theme? But, that's just a minor gripe. And hey, maybe they just want the audience to know... it's all gonna be okay :)

See you next week!!!

[aotopmha]

Attack on Titan Series Thoughts

I've been mulling over Attack on Titan's ending and how I'd rate the whole story from all kinds of angles and I've reached the conclusion that above all else, the ending is really fucking annoying.

A great or a terrible ending would help me make my mind up much more easily.

If it's great, it's great. If it's terrible it's a good story with a terrible ending.

But instead, it is a mixed bag: there are things about it I like a lot and things about it I don't like.

It is a very common belief that the ending is paramount to a story's quality, but I've found that this is not really true for me. My favourite anime ever pretty much doesn't even have a proper ending. My needs for an ending basically encompass some sort of sense of closure and that's about it.

Especially longer-running series often either make the journey worth it just by being as long as they are (so a pretty generic ending is okay) or fall off in quality long before they are done. But AoT is neither of these for me.

AoT in this sense is complicated for me because I can't decide whether the ending impacted the quality of the story or not depending on which aspect of the ending I focus on.

Some details make it immensely satisfying to me and some details sour it a little bit.

I think right now the good and bad things balance out so in general nothing changes about how I view the story overall.

In basics, I really like the emotional core of Attack on Titan, but I've always found it flawed on the technical level.

I'd give the story a 10 just for how much it emotionally engaged me and made me care. This story is the reason why I started this blog and I became active talking about media in the first place.

For a time I was losing the sense of fun of being a fan: people just became really hostile when discussing stuff.

But this past week or so has been incredible in my inbox, reminding me of the highs of being a fan, with so many wonderful messages.

Other stories have made me more angry, made me cry more or laugh more, but AoT made me feel the biggest spectrum of feelings.

No other story has made me do this, at most I only became a member of various forums as a random member; I didn't create a blog with the aim to talk about one.

From a technical level, I would give it a 6-7 depending on the section of the story.

The foreshadowing for various twists is pretty loose from start to finish, there is a bunch of redundant scenes all over the story and the pacing can be really uneven. It is not nearly as *well-crafted* of a story in my eyes as I see people praise it to be.

The art is a pretty huge mess at points, too.

I think sometimes the fact that this is the author's very first actual long-running story very much shines through. I think only a beginner would dare to employ historical imagery as bluntly as Isayama did, too, for example.

But to me the emotional core is magical.

The average of these two aspects, emotional and technical, would be around 8-8.5.

But at the same time, when I finished that last chapter I felt like I couldn't rate it and this has rarely happened to me.

I've kind of slowly distanced myself from number ratings in general because consuming media is a very emotional and personal thing and exploring it via positives and negatives feels much more apt.

From that perspective, I think the story is incredibly emotionally intelligent and understands humanity really well.

Stemming from that in turn, I think themes are the strongest aspect of the story next to characters. While I think the story faltered in a some instances when it came to characters, I think the themes mostly stood tall all the way through.

I think it ended up giving answers to and looping back to ideas it started with: seeing the good in the cruel world, facing humanity's unending desire for conflict and need to survive, living without regrets, learning to see the world in more complex shades of gray rather than black and whites and learning to do the right thing when needed.

As a mystery box, it does answer pretty much all of the big mysteries of the story and I think I don't really take issue with any of the big answers except maybe one very specific one. The numerous twists throughout the story range from absolutely genius to fairly typical. Again, the foreshadowing gets a lot of praise when it comes to this story, but I think a lot of the story actually isn't planned. Isayama just uses some details in clever ways to make it seem like it was planned.

I think that is a skill in itself that never gets nearly enough credit, but in the end, I think that is the weakest part of the story along with the world itself.

I like the walls themselves and I really like some of the Titan designs, but other than that I never had much interest in the world of AoT on its own. It always has to be connected to characters or themes for me to care. The crystal cave, time sand dunes and certain Titan skeleton are the most interesting settings in the story for me in that sense.

I think it does also fall in the pit of some pretty frustrating dark fantasy tropes, most specifically with a certain blonde female character who had one of the best character arcs in the story that was kind of just thrown under the bus.

It can't quite escape the pitfalls of that genre and it just so happens to be my favourite genre of story, so I constantly see excessive shock value rape, forced pregnancy and gay erasure happen in stories that I think are great otherwise. It's frustrating.

I hoped AoT would be better than that because for so long it was, but it didn't end up being as such.

But at the same time, I think most of its female cast still ended up being pretty great and did some pretty fun archetype-defying stuff. It's a pretty strange dichotomy. It is actually much better than most dark fantasy, but not quite there yet.

This is actually true for the male cast, too, I think. It does some fun playing around with all of the character archetypes.

The story's action scenes are thrilling and some of the action setpieces are really memorable. The final arc really shines in that sense to me. As a horror spectacle it is especially excellent.

Despite sometimes coming across as narmy/unintentionally funny, it still somehow manages to make the Titans a credible threat and this is true throughout the entire story, for different, evolving reasons.

I think the Titans have become iconic for a reason and never lost the luster throughout any of the story.

Along with that, my final point is that it is one of the few stories that sets up a kill 'em all setting that actually kills major characters with substantial focus and commits to it. It also doesn't kill too many characters where no character ever gets to actually develop.

So, considering all of what I listed above, what would my general thoughts be?

I think it still is a story worth checking out.

Personally I obviously love the story as a whole.

But I think any fan of dark fantasy/sci-fi could get a bunch of entertainment out of it: above all I think it is an extremely digestable series.

It's sometimes a very dense read, but I never felt it was a "hard" read. It's a very dark story with a lot of horrible things happening, but I never felt it was difficult to get through even in its darkest of moments.

My favourite characters ended up being Gabi, Reiner, Eren, Pieck, Armin and Annie. Zeke and Hange get a shoutout, too.

My favourite chapters ended up being 71, 82, 100, 122, 131 and 137.

Who are you guys' favourite characters and what are your favourite chapters and why?

Send me an ask explaining why for fun! (Or ask me for my reasonings?)

[silverinia]

I came for Baranski, I stayed for Baranski - a quick Christmas On The Square review someone* actually asked for

(* thank you, anon)

Disclaimer: I am in no way a professional of any sorts when it comes to film and I'm not a journalist either. The last movie review I've written was probably for a school assignment in eighth grade. I didn't do research for this and I've watched the movie exactly one time, so this is just for fun.

It was a Sunday, Sunday the 22nd of November, nearing the end of the train wreck of a year that is 2020. I woke up on an air mattress around seven am, my head aching, my throat itching with pyrosis and light nausea, it was still dark outside behind the closed blinds in front of the windows, when I slowly realised where I was, one of my best girlfriends sleeping next to me in her bed. I had crashed at her place after a warm, fuzzy evening of mulled wine, tacky Christmas movies I would never watch alone (Christmas Chronicles and Holiday Calendar, which I quite honestly didn't enjoy at all, but the company made it fun anyway), doing our nails, wearing the fun kind of face masks for a change and smoking too many cigarettes, as the soft pain in my head informed me right now. She woke up an hour later and the morning went by with coffee and reheated pizza for breakfast, when we decided to watch another movie and I realised that it was THE Sunday I'd been waiting for through Zoom interviews and Dolly Parton twitter memes and the infamous wig gate that will be briefly discussed in the following, and so we clicked on the small icon in the Netflix menu that said "Christmas On The Square".

And oh boy, was it a ride.

To start off, I should mention that I have a hard time watching most modern day American Christmas movies, as I noticed quite vividly again when I watched the two aforementioned Netflix productions last night. The character development is always foreseeable to say the least, the plot lines are plain clichés hunting each other like they're the kids in The Hunger Games, and the writing is generally so bad that you can join the actors in reciting the entire scripts on your first watch. I watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas once a year while I'm gift wrapping and pause every fifteen minutes to shamelessly stare at forties Christine Baranski (I think we should all turn away from the birth of Jesus and instead count our years based on Christine Baranski's date of birth) in flamboyant nightgowns and short Christmas themed dresses, looking so fabulous that every interpreter of Santa Baby ever could only dream of it, I watch Love Actually at least five times a year to lust over Hugh Grant, cry with Emma Thompson and miss Alan Rickman, I enjoy Bridget Jones, which I would definitely consider a Christmas movie, and that's it. That's my yearly Christmas time entertainment routine and I can barely tolerate anything beyond, because I'm still traumatised from the time when I was around five years old and on a holiday family visit where had to sit through National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, the dumbest movie I have ever seen (my apologies if you like it but also, who hurt you?), with my cousins. I hated it. I hated every minute of it. And it scarred me for life.

But this was a Christine Baranski movie, I knew she was going to play the lead and so I was pretty much as excited about this as I could. And the fact that Dolly Parton wrote the whole thing didn't hurt either. As I said earlier to my friend I was watching it with, I have the pop cultural taste of a fifty year old gay man, a quality I am most proud of, and this simply ticked off all my boxes.

I expected something similar to a Mamma Mia experience that wouldn't cause me to crave packing my bags, give Covid the finger and run off to Greece. Light-hearted entertainment, easy to stomach, uplifting music and so little plot that the simplicity feels like a creative choice. That's what my pained, hungover brain knew it could cope with and that's not what I got.

The movie started and I was immediately in the zone. I saw Christine Baranski's name in the front credits (an experience that never fails to make me scream "Yass Queen" at the screen, regardless of where I am and who I'm with, as if I'm the sobering result that pops out of the package when you order Jonathan Van Ness on Wish), the setting was wonderfully corny (I grew up watching Gilmore Girls once a week, so give me warm fairy lights and a gazebo and I'm perfectly happy) and as my friend wondered whether Dolly Parton, in her exaggerated homeless attire that didn't make her look shabby at all, was green-screened into the setting because she stood out so much (which she was because the background dancers were dancing in slow motion, but to be fair, we were probably still a little too drunk to notice that from the start) and I told her I thought that it was just the natural glow someone who's Dolly Parton simply carries with them everywhere they go, I was happy. This was the movie I was prepared for. A movie in which the most problematic thing would be stereotypical characters and the wig they hid Christine's real, flawlessly handmade by God herself hair under.

And then, around five minutes in, Christine Baranski's childhood love interest was revealed as she pressed her perfect pointy nose against the window of his shop and sang about her unrequited love.

And suddenly, things started taking turns at a pace I was still way too sleep-deprived for.

Suddenly, in the middle of my general amazement at seeing Christine Baranski do literally anything and laughing loud at her impeccable comedic delivery, there were unresolved daddy issues, hanging prominently at the wall in her marvellously designed house (she literally says "Daddy" at one point and I couldn't help but think that only someone with her vocal skills could keep from making it sound cringe-worthily kinky). One moment, I was clutching my chest above my heart while she was bonding with little bartender Violet and munching on pretzels while downing some whiskey in that elegant way only Christine Baranski can bond with ten year olds who had it rough, eat pretzels and down whiskey, and the next she felt responsible for said girl's mother's death (which she kinda was too, but I'm not the boss of her). I was still busy making fun of how the very annoyingly, but when you're snacking on pizza with extra cheese at nine in the morning also highly funny, slow talking pastor's name was Christian, and suddenly there was a cancer scare.

It was a lot, a hasty sprint from major issue to major issue with a hint of comedic relief every now and then, and it didn't get any less until the very, rather poorly resolved, end.

The entire, constant up and down was followed by the movie's peak of suspense, the near death of precious Violet, something I couldn't even get too invested in because I was still so busy worrying about Christine's MRT results (I was truly fucking worried), not to mention that I hadn't even started to really process the sudden revelation of the love child and how it had affected her character's actions until this point. Was her constant tendency of pushing people away, as we've seen most clearly with her angel in training assistant who's name I cannot recall right now, the result of her broken trust in her father who practically ripped her son away from her after she had just given birth to him? Was it a result of her never getting the closure she needed with plaid flannel wearing Carl she was clearly still in love with? Maybe both? And what of the many issues was it that made her so incredibly shaken up when Violet blamed herself for her mother's death? Was it 'just' due to the fact that the closed pharmacy was on her, or was there more to it? Was it because she had grown up without a mother herself? Or did I miss a major piece of information because I was momentarily distracted, dumbfoundedly staring at Christine's very blue eyes? No time to ponder on that, little Silverinia, because here comes unconscious Violet in an ambulance, WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO!

I'm not going to go in depth about what plot lines I thought were especially carelessly handled and why, real standouts were the sudden forgiveness towards her father who had still acted like a shitty asshole even though he might have had his reasons, because giving the baby up for adoption just wasn't his choice to make, and the fact that I kind of didn't buy how quickly Regina managed to forgive herself, especially for Violet's mother's passing, considering how deeply her tall, slim, dare I say angelic and entrancing figure was buried beneath the weight of all her issues. It felt rushed and incomplete, but that's as detailed as it gets because my major point is something else.

I think this movie made the great mistake of trying to be more than your average, flat, happy ending Christmas movie. I think no one involved thought it was possible to make it a big hit if the only real plot would've been great Dolly Parton music, fun ensemble dance choreographies, Christine Baranski's outstanding acting skills, fun settings and costumes and a redemption arch with as little plot as it could possibly take to make Christine likable to those who aren't already lost forever in the rabbit hole of being obsessed with her (poor fuckers, can't relate). They didn't notice that with the legends that were involved, they could've easily gone the Mamma Mia way. And I think that's why they tried to include heavier plot lines than most creators would've chosen, experiencing loss at an early age, struggling to find closure, dealing with sickness, teenage pregnancy, parents forcing their choices on their children when they affect their childrens' lives first, adoption, and the fear of losing your kid.

It was a lot and I don't want to say that it didn't work because my friend was crying, like, pretty hard and I questioned my entire existence all through the movie in not the worst way, and I did enjoy it a lot while watching. The "grief is love with nowhere to go" line was a real standout, for example, where the attempt of complexity DID work. It positively gave me fleabag season two, "I don't know what to do with it now, with all the love I have for her." - "I'll take it. It sounds lovely. You have to give it to me." feels, and that's about the biggest praise I can come up with. BUT (and this is written in capital letters because it's the big but) I'm also totally convinced that I wouldn't have enjoyed it if they hadn't cast Christine Baranski for the lead role. In my humble opinion, the hasty, not really at all resolved plot of this movie only worked because Christine Baranski is just a fantastic actress. She quirks a mocking eyebrow and you laugh. She parts her perfectly painted red lips and you immediately hang on them because you don't want to miss a single breath she, a literal goddess, graces us mere peasants of people with. She smiles and you're happy. She laughs and even while she's still laughing, you can't wait to hear her do it again. Her eyes fill with tears and you feel goosebumps on your arms, her voice slightly trembles, a breath hitches in her throat and you feel your heart shattering to pieces. As Chuck Lorre once said, this woman could read you the phone book and you would end up laughing tears because she just gets the job done. She knows what she's doing, she's an absolute pro in her game, and it doesn't matter, not even a little bit, what she's working with, because the work she eventually delivers with it is always at a minimum of 200%. I forced my friend to watch this movie with me because I adore this woman, and I felt for this movie because I felt for her. It wasn't the plot that sadly brutally overestimated itself, it wasn't the songs that I obviously enjoyed, nor the comedic elements that truly made me laugh a lot, it was all her. I came for Baranski, and I stayed for Baranski. This woman can do anything. She can even look graceful in a terrible wig job.

(side note / unpopular opinion: I actually didn't think the wig was all too bad. It wasn't good, actually far from good, but for me, nothing can match the awful wig game of Mamma Mia 2. I loathed that wig, I absolutely cannot stand it. So this didn't feel all that terrible. It definitely wasn't the most problematic part about the movie.)

I enjoyed watching this. It was a nice distraction from all the bullshit in the world. Watching it today was the first thing this year that actually brought me something close to excitement about the holiday season, even though everything will be very different and probably not quite as jolly this year. But it just gave me good vibes and as someone who did not watch this as a film reviewer, that's the biggest part of what leads me to enjoy a movie.

Will I watch this again? For sure. Will I enjoy it when I'm not hungover, having freshly done nails and munching delicious pizza for breakfast? Probably not as much, but it'll still have Christine Baranski in it. Would I recommend watching this? If you share my obsession with Queen B, one hundo. If you don't, probably not.

[halfway-happyyy]

a concept: There are rare moments in life when we are afforded the opportunity to pick up and vanish at a moments notice. Obviously it is much harder to do when miniscule, honey-sticky hands grab needlessly at the hem of your shirt, or when you answer to a man behind the comfort of an oak desk and towering stacks of paper. It is most definitely harder to do when there is a constant chatter of chaos floating through the confines of your mind.

So when you found out you had a whole two weeks to do what you pleased- you made the decision to embark on a one-person road trip through 'wine country' Washington. Friends had told you to be weary of rogue tumbleweeds on your drive in- and you had been hard pressed to believe them. But of course, and to your immediate amusement, an hour away from your destination and in a valley of luscious, rolling hills, a mass of sticks, twigs and dead grass rolled lackadaisically across the road in front of your car.

Settling in to your accommodations had been an easy task; you were to be spending the next week in the comfort of a lovely reconverted barn. You had no tentative plans, except to explore the cozy little town you that were about to call home for the next little while, and to drink copious amounts of wine. The locals were lovely to you in every way imaginable and were pleased to dole out delicious local food spots and bars at your behest. ("You just have to check out the restaraunt in the centex gas station- best brisket sandwhich you might ever have.") On the last full day before you were scheduled to make your departure, (a four hour drive over to Seattle was the next adventure on your list) you decided to make a day of visiting wineries. Winery number two had been stumbled upon by accident; you had taken a wrong turn down a quiet side street and was pleasantly surprised to find that, unlike the others you had passed by, this one only had one or two other people inside. Ducking in from under the beating June sun, you found yourself an empty seat at the bar and scanned the wine menu atop the counter. You were patient while your bartender talked at length about her and her wife's new venture in pig farming, to a man seated at the end of the concrete counter. Wedged in his grasp was a near-empty glass of ruby red wine. It struck you that he seemed somewhat out of place in this atmosphere; with his short, well-kept blonde hair, the utterly expensive looking watch he would clock every now and then, his height...

"Can I get you anything?" Your bartender had noiselessly made her way over to where you were, startling you from your reverie.

Peering down at the list again, you quirked your eyebrow in question. "How is the vino moscato?"

She smiled knowingly. "On a day like today? There isn't anything better on that list. Can I get you a glass?"

"Please," You smiled back.

You sat in comfortable silence as she poured you a glass of the crisp, white liquid. It felt incredibly good to be somewhere without a time constraint; to enjoy the indie music emanating from the building, to feel the late June breeze wash over your skin like warm water. You savoured the taste of the cool liquid against your tongue; reveled in the slight tingle of the bubbles as they flowed freely down your throat.

"Is that one any good?"

You turned to the man a few seats away from you, observed the sunglasses perched atop his head, the slight golden colour of his skin. You shrugged your shoulders and gestured to his empty glass of red wine. "That depends. Do you like white wines?"

He smiled and you noticed immediately how the creases next to his ocean-blue orbs deepened when he did so. "I enjoy wine in general. No real preference wins over another."

You lifted your glass in greeting. "Well then yes, I think you would enjoy this."

The bartender, who had been privy to the entire conversation grinned and reached for a fresh glass. "Another moscato coming right up."

Without warning, the stranger moved seats from the end of the bar to a few metal stools away from you. Clad in an impossibly soft looking blue t shirt and worn denim jeans, you were keenly aware of just how attractive he happened to be. He took a tentative sip from the glass in his hand, let his eyes fall shut, and smiled. "An excellent choice indeed. I'm Alex, by the way,"

You gave him your name as well, and smiled as he repeated it with an accent that you could not quite place, immediately making it more exotic sounding than it ever deserved to be. Setting his glass back against the countertop, he turned to you. "So do you frequent this winery often?"

You stifled a giggle at the line he chose to use. "No, actually. Not at all. Just passing through," You took a sip from your own glass. "Do you?"

He shook his head. "I'm based out of Seattle for the next few months. Just drove down here for the weekend under the guise of good wine and even better breakfast."

Ever intrigued by the thought of a delicious breakfast, you were about to ask him to elaborate when his phone rang. He answered in a language that was entirely foreign to you- but the few pieces you could discern were almost certainly in Swedish. You sipped at the rest of your wine and ordered another glass as he said a last word and hung up the phone. "Brothers, hey?" He let out a breathless chuckle.

An hour and a half had passed since you had stumbled into this minimalist oasis, and when he stood up to pay his bill and bid you goodbye, you found yourself inexplicably wishing that you had more time to converse with him. "Thanks again for the wine suggestion... here's hoping I can find it again in Seattle?"

"Oh, you will." The bartender chimed in.

He threw another beam your way and stocked out of the building into the bright, inviting sunlight. It was quiet for a few moments while you mulled over where you would wander off to next, not a single drop left in your empty glass.

Just as you were about to get up and leave, Alex rounded the corner and faltered just inside the doorway of the winery. "This is going to sound crazy, and please don't feel like you need to say yes... but how would you feel about exploring this place together today?" He clocked the watch on the underside of his wrist. "I'm not due back in Seattle until 5 o'clock tomorrow night."

You glanced back at the bartender who simply giggled and shook her head, offering no insight whatsoever. "You know what- why not?" You passed over a fifty dollar bill and thanked her for her service.

It had been uncomfortable at first- this was something you had been warned about since you could talk. Do not talk to strangers, do not hang out with strangers. It had been different with this particular person though; conversation flowed freely between the pair of you, and he had not at any point, made you feel threatened or unsafe. You split the fares of the uber rides evenly between the both of you and enjoyed the ride through the scenic winding roads and hills. Alex had been born in Sweden, but was now mostly based out of New York and California and tried to get back to his homeland as often as possible, as all of his family was still there. He was an exceptionally good listener and it awed you how a few hours spent with him, felt like picking up where you left off with an old friend. Time passed slowly when you were together and when the visit to the last winery had come and gone, and the golden sun had begun to sink low over the lush, green hills, Alex accompanied you back to your barn. Your keys hung haphazardly from the crook of your pinkie finger and you cocked your head to the side, ignoring the fact that saying goodbye was the last thing you wanted to do. "You know, you mentioned something this afternoon about breakfast here..."

Alex's eyes glittered under the waning light and his lips quirked up into a small half-smile. "Yes, I've been told that there is a place just off main street here, that serves pancakes as big as my head. Would you care to join me tomorrow morning?"

Swallowing hard, you found yourself nodding your head. "Yeah, I think I'd like that."

True to his word, the pancakes you ordered around nine o'clock the next morning, were as big as your head, if not more so. They were also leaking with a viscous, tart strawberry rhubarb sauce and dusted with a thin layer of confectioners sugar. Alex settled into a mug of steaming black coffee and to eat, he ordered a bowl of fried aspargus tips and nutella pancakes. When he was finished, he settled back in his chair and cocked his head to the side, his expression unreadable. "Do you suppose we'll stumble into each other again?"

The question had caught you off guard and you shifted in your seat. "Maybe..." You shrugged your shoulders. "But maybe not."

He frowned.

"Isn't it nice though? To have two people meet through complete happenstance, share a couple of lovely hours together, and go on back the way they were?" You inquired, quietly.

"Happenstance," he repeated the word over, savoured the sound of it on his tongue, a small smile tugged at his lips.

"Oh, it's lovely," He agreed after a moment. "I just can't help but feel like i'm doing myself a disservice if I don't follow up with you in some way..."

You grinned and waved the waiter down for the bill. After paying and using the restroom in preparation for your looming roadtrip, you both headed out into the bright sunlight to your parked cars. Alex stood leant against his SUV, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his denim jeans. "I am really happy that we crossed paths," He offered quietly. "Just in case that big old sky falls on our heads."

An idea, bright and hopeful swam into vision at that moment. You reached into your bag and ripped off a piece of scrap paper from the journal in there. Alex already had a pen waiting for you, as if knowing exactly what you were about to do. You scribbled The Central Saloon - Seattle onto it, and handed the pen and paper back to him with a small smile.

He repeated the name of the bar to himself, his expression confused.

"If you can meet me there, tomorrow night- say maybe eight o'clock, perhaps our paths might cross again."

Alex rubbed the pad of his thumb over your handwritten script and slipped it into the pocket of his jeans with a finite nod. "Oh, I'll be there."

You allowed one last look at the man before you, and stepped into the front seat of your car, breathless and utterly hopeful.

[rnufharose]

Blood, Sweat, and Tears - Chapter 10

Words: 2.8k

Trigger Warnings: None

︻デ═一 ♥

"You're afraid," Sehun sighed, noticing her immediate change in posture. He didn't need her to turn around to know her eyes held fear. "I swear... nothing bad is going to happen to you." He spoke gently, kindly, inching closer to her ever so slowly. "I just need you to listen to me for a few moments so I can explain this situation."

"This was a scam," she choked, her hand gripping the doorknob tighter. She wanted to push through the door and run, but she couldn't move. She was far to terrified to do so, her blood running cold as she heard him come closer. "Stay away!" She cried, and his footsteps ceased.

His eyes became half-lidded, his gaze soft as a frown crossed his features. He wasn't sure how to assuage her. He figured it would take time for her to adjust to him, but the fact that she wouldn't look up made him sad.

"If you're going to kill me, please don't," she pleaded. "I'll die on my own terms, not with a gun to my head. I don't want any part in this so leave me alone!"

"And who said anything about me wanting to kill you?" He wondered, tilting his head slightly. "By now, you should know I am a hitman for one of the most ruthless syndicates in the city, but believe me when I tell you that I will never bring you harm. It's quite the opposite, really," the raven-haired male had to find a way to convince her before she could so anything rash. "I've been assigned to protect you."

Haneul chuckled humorlessly, shaking her head for a moment, "Why would you want to do that? I'm going to die one of these days anyway... my Halmeoni's killer is after me too. Everything was normal until that night. If any random person was told of my situation, they would think I'm riddled with bad luck and don't deserve protection."

Sehun exhaled, puffing his hands into his pockets as he continued to stare at her. It seemed she truly didn't know about the origin of her family. It was like she was never a part of it. Taking her away from the violence was the best decision her parents had made and yet, her family's past was catching up with her. "I guess I might as well fill the gaps. Cho Haneul, you are the last living member of the Cho Clan, which was one of the most powerful crime syndicates this city has ever seen."

︻デ═一 ♥

"Do you know where Haneul is?!" Jungkook piped quickly over the phone.

"I thought she was with you... why?" Bella asked from the other side.

"I thought she came inside, but she's not in her room!" He cried. The male was in a panic, frantically searching for his friend who had suddenly disappeared so hour a trace. He thought after what she had been through, she would have stayed home and not bothered to go outside with all the danger looming in the city, but she may have left without telling him.

"Okay, calm down," the silver-haired female said. "Let's think: why would she suddenly get up and leave?"

"I—I don't know," he hissed, running a hand through his hair as he paced the apartment. He wasn't trying to think of all the worse things that could happen to her if she left, but it wasn't until he saw the flyer on the coffee table.

It was the listing for the apartment.

"Kookie? What's going on?" Bella asked when he had went silent. "What happened?"

"I think I know where she is," he said as he held the flyer in his hand, reading the address and the price of rent. This has to be a scam. "Tell Tae hyung to get the car."

︻デ═一 ♥

She mulled over his words, her grip slack around the doorknob. This couldn't be right. There was no way she could be connected to any sort of crime. She was normal girl from Icheon whose parents passed in an unfortunate accident, and her grandmother stepped in to raise her. "I don't believe you," Haneul spoke softly. "Me? A mob princess? I'm not such thing. My parents live in America!”

"I swear," Sehun repeated. "Every word of this is true," he began moving toward her again. "Knowing this life would be dangerous for you, your father sent you away to live with your maternal grandmother. Not long afterward, most of the Cho Clan was though to have been eradicated, but now some know a direct descendant is among them. Their primary target was you, but they got your grandmother instead. That is where EXO comes in. Our clans were close allies back in the day and I was assigned by my boss to make sure you're never in harm's way."

She mulled over his words, letting go of the door and keeping her hand at her side. Haneul turned slowly, her eyes still on her shoes. "So what now? You want me to live here?" She questioned. "Do you think that's enough to protect me? For all I know, EXO will probably get rid of me. They'll kill me when because I am a part of this so-called clan you speak of. I'm just a normal girl who plays piano and loves to sing... who loves her dead grandmother more than anything... this doesn't make any sense to me!"

"I know it doesn't," Sehun said softly, his eyes harboring pity. He managed to step closer to her, hoping she would look up. It was killing him that she wouldn't even look him in the eye. "I don't want you to be dragged into my world... but sacrifices have to be made. You have my word, I'll protect you... just give me a chance...”

She tensed again as he came closer, until she could feel his shadow creeping over her, making her feel a lot smaller than she actually was. "And what if I don't want you near me?" She held her arms, stepping back and shutting her eyes tightly, the first signs of a panic attack coming along, her heart racing while she trembled.

"Haneul," he began, reaching to touch her in an effort to bring her comfort, but the door swung open, and his eyes were on the two males and female that had entered his apartment.

"Neullie!" Taehyung shouted, and she opened her eyes once she heard her friend.

"Gwenchana?" Jungkook asked, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her back, his eyes set on the tall male whose expression had hardened.

"Are you hurt?! Did he do anything to you?!" Bella wondered as she inspected her best friend.

"N-No," the brunette answered, and Taehyung stood in front of her, glaring daggers at the hitman.

"You stay far away from her!" He growled, and Sehun kept his stance tall and unwavering, his tone cold and calm as he answered.

"I prefer you stay out of this," he said. "Leave. I won't ask again."

"Like hell I'm leaving her here!" The younger male yelled, his hands becoming fisted. He wasn't afraid. In fact, he hated this man with every fiber of his being. "How dare you! Preying on the mind of someone who is still mourning! You think you have this power of her, you monster?!"

"You're getting mixed up in things you don't understand," Sehun said, the other male's words stinging, but he didn't back down. "I know more about what's going on around her than you would in a hundred lifetimes. She's in danger and I'm trying to help her. Do you think someone like me would save a random girl for no reason?"

"What, is this another one of those speeches where you say she belongs to you?" Jungkook joined in now, much angrier than Taehyung ever was. "It's our job to protect her. She is our family. She's not expendable like the girls in the brothel houses. She's worth a lot more than you realize." He grabbed Haneul's wrist, dragging her out of the apartment and into the hall.

Bella glanced back before following after them. It seemed they'd arrived at just the right moment. "Thank goodness... lets get you home."

Haneul looked between the three of them as she followed Jungkook, "How did you figure out I was here?" She asked, the symptoms of her panic attack no longer there.

"The apartment listing," The other woman said. "You left it on the coffee table, remember? We followed you because we were worried something else might happen to you."

"Haneul, wait!" Sehun called out, running through the door and running down the hallway. "I swear what I'm telling you is the truth! You staying on your own will only put you in more danger, and staying with your friends puts them in just as much danger."

Taehyung came to a stop and so did the others, abruptly facing the hitman and shouting. "What did we say before?! Stay far away from her! If we're in danger, we can handle ourselves! We're leaving!" He proceeded toward the elevator, pushing the button to the ground floor, and before he could step inside, he looked back, finding Haneul hadn't moved. "Neullie, what are you doing standing there?! Let's go!"

What Sehun said before was slightly true. Haneul realized that if she hadn't lived with her grandmother, she would still be alive. Her friends at The Magic Shop wouldn't have to witness the violence they saw yesterday. She truly was putting them in danger. Even though she couldn't stand the sight of the man behind her, everything he spoke was the truth, "I'll stay..."

"Neullie, you can't be serious?" Bella questioned her friend, dumbfounded. "I think all this shock has gone to your head again. Let's get you out of here."

Sehun's mood perked up slightly heating that she'd decided to stay, but he wasn't going to show it while her friends were around. "You're making a wise choice. I promise to do everything within my power to keep you safe while you're in my care."

"What did we say before?!" Jungkook scolded her. "Men like him ruin people's lives! He's a monster! You have to run away—disappear, if you have to! As long as he's around, he'll go after you!"

"You don't think I know that?" She asked silently, lifting her head to smile sadly, tears brimming in her eyes. "But as long as I'm around you, you'll be targets too... the last thing I want is for my family to get hurt because of me... the both of you should go and be safe... it's better if I'm alone anyway... my days are numbered..."

"Haneul, we aren't going to leave you. Please come back with us," Bella pleaded to her, "Everyone is so worried about you. We'll find somewhere safe for you to live where they can't hurt you, and where all of us don't have to constantly look over our shoulders."

"You heard her decision," The raven-haired male looked between her friends. "She's made up her mind. She'll be safe here with me. You have my word." He already knew that despite his continuous efforts to persuade them, they wouldn't really trust him.

Jungkook was about to speak, but after hearing Sehun's words, he was about ready to explode with rage. However, he kept himself from speaking, his gaze hard. "Let's go," he said to his other friends before glancing at Haneul. "We'll be back for you. We'll make plans to move to Busan, away from all this crap."

Haneul didn't say anything. All she did was nod. If her friends were planning on leaving Seoul to escape, she would do the same, but she couldn't stay with them knowing there were people after her. She thought she knew everything about her family, but really, she felt like she was living a lie.

"I'll have my phone on me incase you change your mind," Bella said, giving her a sorrowful look. "I'll come and get you immediately when you decide." She then turned and left with the two males. They entered the elevator, facing the girl and the hitman one last time before the doors closed, and the bell rang, the shaft descending.

They we're finally alone, and Sehun was able to release the tension in his body, looking back at the girl in front of him. "Did you did really choose to stay here on your own accord, or did you just decide to staying hoping I'd spare your friends if they choose to keep arguing?" He was glad she'd decided to stay, but he didn't want her to feel like she was being forced into becoming a prisoner.

Haneul dropped her shoulders slowly, turning to face him, her eyes on the intricate carpeted floor, "I chose to stay on my own... but also because I want to protect them..."

"I believe you made the right decision for your safety and theirs," He gave her a smile even though she chose not to look up, gestured for her to return to the apartment. "I don't want you to feel like your being locked up here because you aren't. I only ask that you don't wander about without me with you, and that you keep communication between only those you know."

She began to walk toward the apartment, pushing the door open and stepping inside, taking her shoes off and holding her coat. She began to relax, but even then, she was on edge since Sehun was with her.

"This place is your home now too. Everything here is yours just as much as it is mine," he shut the door to the apartment behind him and starting walking around the room. "My study is in the back corner. I'll usually be in there talking calls or in meetings regarding work. If I'm not here, you'll have Vivi to keep you company until I get back."

"Vivi?" She asked, puzzled by the name. She recalled that was the name of the dog that she met hours earlier. At first, Haneul thought this was a coincidence, but she heard the older man call out toward his pet. The sound of tiny barks echoed from a different room before a white mass of fur came running out into the main room, immediately moving toward her. This was the same Bichon she met earlier in the day, and he recognized her, giving her a smiling, his tongue out while he panted.

She knelt before the critter, scratching him behind his ear for a moment, and Sehun was relieved that she at least felt alright around the dog.

"And... my room...?" She glanced up for a moment before returning her gaze toward her feet, gripping her coat tightly.

"Straight across the hall from mine. You'll find that it's already fully furnished and ready for you," He motioned for her to follow him to the room. "We can have the rest of your clothes and personal belongings moved here as soon as possible."

She followed him toward the room, and once the door opened, she found the bed was already covered with clean sheets and soft pillows with two dressers on each side. The wide window showed the city skyline, and the closet was waiting for her clothes to be hung. She didn't mind it. It was simple, just as she liked. She walked toward the closet to hang her coat.

"I hope you like it," Sehun leaned against the door frame, but she still didn't look at him. That didn't mean who wouldn't stop trying. He was patient and he would give her time to adjust. He felt his phone vibrate inside the pocket of his slacks and he pulled it out, an urgent text from Chanyeol on the lock screen. "Looks like I have to go... I'll be back in a few hours. As I said before, this is your home, so please, feel free to do as you please."

She took in his words, listening to his footsteps as he left her room, and she and Vivi were the only ones there. She looked toward the open door, and even the slightest trace of his shadow wasn't there. She walked toward the door and closed it gently, releasing a long exhale as she reveled in solitude.

In the next few hours, Haneul stayed in her new room, laying on the bed with her eyes closed. She thought if she tried hard enough, she would wake up and everything would be just a terrible nightmare. She would be in Icheon and Halmeoni would be alright. All this talk about clans and violence wasn't real and she was just a normal person from a normal family with no ties to crime.

[justdani14]

“Now no more talking ok?”

This is a prequel to lovehacks book one. Its something I've been mulling over in my mind for a while now. I'm a huge Dani and Mark shipper I love the best friends turned more story. This is a combination of clues that I've gathered from the books with my own twist.

Description: In the books you see a scene of Dani and Mark before they graduate he walks her to her dorm. They talk about how she's leaving, that he should come visit, they almost kiss but they get interrupted. All I keep thinking is what if he did go to New York and they did end up kissing and maybe more. It's in Marks pov

“No more talking ok” A couple weeks after graduation I find myself in my car finally entering the city of New York. It's been a long few days traveling cross country but I'm finally here. I follow the gps directions to her apartment. I've been driving for 10 hours today and I'm dying to get out of this car. The traffic is insane here, how do people drive like this? Duh Collins they use the subway mostly. Why am I even thinking about this? Is it nerves? It's just Dani she's my best friend why should I be nervous? We've known each other for years and spend countless days together and even some nights in each other's beds. Sleeping of course there's never been anything between us. I sound a little bitter about it even to myself. Ever since the night before graduation I’ve let more and more of those thoughts come. I use to be better at keeping them away. We almost kissed though and that was enough to break a dam in me. The dam that kept at bay the feeling I have for her. Feeling that I shouldn’t have for my best friend. Maybe I'm nervous because we're in New York away from everything we know and everything we're suppose to be.

Finally I reach her apartment and I send her a text that I'm here. I start collecting my bags and I scan the crowds for a familiar face. I catch sight of her and she takes my breath away. It's not like I forgot that she was beautiful but there's something about seeing her in person again. I can't even move, I'm sure I look like an idiot but I don't care. She finally gets to me and she wraps me in a huge hug. I hold her and breathe in the sent of her perfume. As we let go and I feel a small twinge of regret, get a hold of yourself Mark you have a whole week to hug her. "Come on Collins we don't have all day" she says as she grabs my hand and pulls me away. She leads me to her apartment building and I'm still in shock that I'm looking at my best friend right now. We make it to her apartment and she apologizes for it being so small but says her roommate Rylie won't be home all week. We order pizza and decide to stay in to catch up and I'm grateful it helps me feel more like myself around her. She tells me two days after I leave she'll start her new job and you should see how her face lights up when she talks about it. It makes me want to be excited about it but a part of me still aches that her dreams took her so far away. Why leave to New York? It was selfish but the question had lingered there for months. Her smiles makes me want to smile though and I do because I should be supportive.

The next few days we spend at museums and doing touristy things. We go to Central Park and visit Coney Island and it's the most fun I have had in a long time. After a couple days I confess to her that Amy and I are taking sometime apart. We’re not the same people we were when we first meet. Things have been hard with us and Amy wasn't to happy about me coming to New York to see Dani. She’s always made a big fuss about Dani and me being so close. She thinks it’s strange I'm using my savings to do this. Its worth it right? Yes Dani is worth it she always has and always will be. She frowns when I tell her about Amy. “Oh Mark I’m so sorry I know how much you wanted it work.” she says softly not looking into my eyes. She’s looking at her feet bitting her lip. Huh most be try not to say something but what? “What is it?” I ask her curious. Sometimes even I have a hard time figuring what’s going on in her head. She sighs “I just worry that you want it too much like your forcing it, that maybe it shouldn’t be so hard?” she looks at me expectantly. “I want you to be happy I need you to be happy best friend code one oh one.” she says with wide eyes. Well shit I need that too but I say “I think that too it shouldn’t be and I need you happy too why do you think I’m here?!” I make the goofiest face I can muster at her. She giggles “Ok Collins race you to the cotton candy stand!”. Thats just how it is for us, its easy sometimes we communicate without words. I don’t need to tell her in so many words that bummed about Amy but also a bit relieved. She already knows she just does because she always been there. She knows when to give me an out and am in. I don't know what I'm going to do without her.

Before I know it the night before I'm leaving comes and it's really bumming us out. We decide to have a couple drinks and that turns into a couple more. Before we know it we're stumbling back to her apartment. Its late but we fall into a fit of laughter on the her bed. The alcohol is weakening my resolve because all I can think about is kissing her. She’s just so beautiful when she laughs. I can't help myself I push a strand of hair out of her face. She stares at me with a look in her eye I saw right after graduation when we almost kissed. Would it ruin our friendship if we did? Would it make it better? All those doubts are gone though it’s just me and Dani. “Mark?" she says breathless. Is it from the laughter or something more? “Dani?" I say just as breathless. She moves closer to me and I don't dare move I don't want to break the spell. Before I know it she's holding my face in her hands as she bits her lip. She does that when she wants to say something but doesn't know how. I want to tell her that I need her to kiss me more then air right now. I want to say something to put her at ease tell her she can say anything to me. Before I can say anything she kisses me.

It's better then I ever could imagine it could be. It goes from tentative and gentle to passionate. Like all those years of pent up emotions bursting at the seams. The admiration, familiarity and love. I crush her close to me hoping its not a dream. I kiss her with everything I have hoping she can feel it all through the kisses. I run my fingers through her hair and she starts trying to take my shirt off. "Wait wait wait are you drunk?" I ask her breathless. Terrified that she is and she doesn’t really want this that I crossed a line. She stares at me like she’s staring into my soul. Her lips slightly swollen from kissing and her hair messy from me running my fingers through it. Her eyes are so wide oh no what have I done? “No do you want me to recite the alphabet back wards for you?” she laughs. “No that’s ok.” I say laughing. Relief washes over for so many reasons. I didn’t take advantage of her and it’s not just me that wants this? She smiles at me the smile that can bring a grown man to his knees. “Mark I need you I’m not drunk but I need you.” she says it in one breath. She looks so vulnerable I know how much it took to say that to someone. She doesn’t like to need anyone for anything. So I nod and say “I need you too maybe I always have.” then I clamp my mouth shut. I say no more not trusting my own voice afraid I’ll say too much and scare her away. “Now no more talking ok?" she says nodding. I nod too and and that our lips collide and we resume where we left off.

It’s like a switch goes off in my head. That insecure voice that tells me to be smart, to think things through shuts up. It’s just Dani its all Dani. The sent of her skin, the sound of her voice and the feel of her body. I methodically take off her clothes. Im finding it hard to concentrate when she bitting my lip. I moan her name as she kissing her way down. I eventually pull her up by her arm pleadingly I need all of her not just her mouth. I flip her on her back now it my turn. I need to kiss every inch of her and I do until she’s moaning and screaming my name. My name never sounded so good. I lay down next to her trying to catch our ragged breathes. She gently pushes me flat on my back and climbs on top of me. We share more delicious kisses as our hips move in perfect unison. The moans continue into the night until were breathing each others name through ragged breaths. We stay in this perfect bubble all night. We doze off and wake after a few hours to start all over again. After we’re done again we spend the rest of night in each others arms. It’s by far the best night of my life.

The next morning though reality starts to sink in. She’s not next to me when I wake up so I get up and look for her. I find her in the kitchen but before I can say anything to her she blurts out "I'm sorry." I'm sorry is not the words you want to hear after you sleep with a girl. I study her face she's staring at me and I'm thinking back on last night. Unless she was faking it then it was good for her so what was it why was she sorry? Then I see her bite her lip and instantly I know. With those two words her walls were up again. The walls that kept her safe from getting too close to any boyfriend in college. We all have our patterns and this was her's. In order to protect her self she puts walls up. I sigh instantly more tired then I’ve ever felt. Time to say what I know she needed to hear in order for her to live out her dream and salvage our friendship. “I'm sorry.” I say feeling defeated. Was I actually sorry though? No not in the least bit what had happened was amazing. It was more then sex it was an extension of the connection we already share. She interrupts my inner monologue. "Mark please stop I started it you didn't do anything wrong." she said looking so sad. "Dani let's just forget about it ok?" Urgh I feel sick just saying it how could I ever forget about it? "Your right it was just a one time thing." she says with sad little smile. It’s working were going to be ok if I could just force a smile and make her laugh. "Well it was more then one time but sure a one time thing." I force the best smile I can and wait to see if it works. "Omg Mark stop!" She starts laughing and even though I hate it I laugh too. Huh it worked I must be better at pushing my feelings down then I thought. Maybe I’ve been doing it for longer then I was willing to admit. If I could keep it together for a little bit longer we might be ok.

The rest of the morning goes by in a blur of packing and before I know it it's time for me to go. She walks me outside and says "I guess this is your stop." Was it my imagination or did she sound wistful. I study her closely she's looking at me with a that sad smile again. Was she sad because I was leave or something else? I didn't have the courage to ask. I was too afraid of the answer or of ruining our friendship. We seemed to find a way to keep it together but it was fragile, breakable and I wasn't going to break it I refuse. The hustle and bustle of people coming and going on the street is distracting this isn't how I wanted to say goodbye. Suddenly I feels her grab my hand and lead me to a quiet alley. We stare at each other for a moment and I realizes that we are still holding hands so I pulls her into a hug. I feel her starting to cry against my chest and with all the strength I have left I forces myself not to. I blink away the tears I have to. We stay like that for a long time, until she's all cried out. She finally looks up at me a little puffy eyed but still beautiful. How could she still look so beautiful? Its like a knife though my heart. "What is it do I look like a hot mess?" she asks me. “Of course not you always look beautiful.” I tell her. I fell so tired a part of me just wanted to get in my car so I could stop pretending. She's still staring at me and blushing a little from my comment. "You better go, you don't want to get behind schedule.” she says. No we wouldn't want that would we? All I could muster was "right I guess this is goodbye." I say wistfully. Who was wistful now, I pushed the thought out of my head and hug her. Trying to commit to memory everything about her. “Take care of yourself” I say in a whisper. I kiss the top of her head, look at her one last time and start walking away. She stops me by grabbing my hand. "Wait Mark I love you, your my best friend and I'm going to miss you so much it's killing me.” she says it all in one breath. Like she was afraid that if she didn't say it fast she'd never get it out. So I hug her again and say "I love you too and I hate this so much." “Ok go before I start crying again!" she says with a half hearted laugh. I laughed too the tension gone for a moment, her laugh had a way of doing that. "Text me along the way and when you get there." she pleads. "I will." I say and that’s it I walk away and don't look back because if I do I know I would never leave. I put the bags in the car and go before I do something stupid.

I let the empty feeling wash over me, I welcome it. I had made it I was where I was suppose to be and so was she. She'd start her new job in a couple days and I’d start mine in a week. For now at least I would let myself feel bad. Id let regret, anger and sadness wash over me like waves. I let the tears come as I stare out the windshield silently, the words I never said to her choke me. I text her along the way give her updates. I'm still trying to hang on to what we had before we slept together. Four long days later I'm finally in San Francisco. I just moved into my new apartment a couple days before the road trip. I didn't know Cole that well yet but he seemed like an ok guy. I didn't know he'd become one of the best friends I’ve ever had.

“I'm home :)” I text her.

What more is there to say she was probably sleeping. My phone starts ringing and my heart jumps but it's not Dani it's Amy. What could she want? She calls again and again by the time I reach my apartment. There front and center is Amy and she runs to me and hugs me. I stiffness a little. Her arms and her should be comforting but there not. I push the feeling down. I puts down my bags and hugs her trying not to think of Dani. "Marky I missed you! Can we get back together please?” she asks me.

That was three years ago and since then I've found my calling at Zabble, made some amazing friends and rededicated myself to my relationship with Amy. I don’t know if part of it was that she'd been right about me and Dani all along. She never thought we could be just friends and she was right we couldn’t. Or maybe I just desperately wanted things to go back to the way they were. My friends say I'm a pushover, they'd call Amy names but they don’t get it. Sure Amy and I had changed since college but she cares for me. A part of me was still in love with who she use to be and maybe can be again. Why am I here at 1 o clock in the morning mulling everything over? Remembering New York with Dani and San Francisco with Amy. It comes in flashes the feel of Dani’s legs wrapped around my waist. The way she’d bite her lip and her infectious smile. Amy’s arms around me like she’s hanging on for dear life. Amy’s laugh and how her eyes light up when she talks about work.

I thought those feelings for Dani had faded it took time but they did. Or maybe I just hoped they had. It took a while to forget and in that time I kept Amy at bay telling her I needed to think. It wasn’t a lie but eventually I gave in to her. I needed to feel something that wasn’t Dani and Amy gave me that. Time made the memories fade but now Dani is here in San Francisco. She texted me a few days ago saying she was coming home. Home like it was where she should have been all along. Maybe things would have been different between us if she had never left. What is wrong with me?

Tomorrow was going to be a very long day if I don’t try to sleep. I roll over and think of New York again. The Statue of Liberty, cotton candy, holding her hand on a crowded street. The memories are faded around the edges but there still in my mind. I though I was free of them I spend less and less nights thinking about them. Until now that is, they come flooding back torturing me with guilt and hope. I roll over again as if that would knock the memory out of my mind. She had been such a big part of my life for so many years I reason. How could she not be in my thoughts? It means nothing. We did try to hang on to us and we succeeded for a while. It just didn’t work out in the end. She had some doctor boyfriend in New York and I was back together with Amy. We only randomly texted or emailed now. This last year has been more and more infrequent. We had our own lives now. So why am I feeling like this from just the thought of her being back in San Francisco?

[showmeyourstarstigersniper]

Text Messages (2)

you're a blessing in disguise -SM

And you're still employed, pet~ -Jim

ain't that a damn blessing too, Boss all these things to be thankful for, huh? -SM

You're funny, Sebby (ᗒᗊᗕ) -Jim

ah jeeze, here come the punctuation faces -SM

Oh right, you're boring and not a fan. (¬､¬) -Jim

...they're KIND of cute, I guess -SM

Goodnight Boss sweet dreams or...you know whatever kind of dreams make you happy -SM

Goodnight, Sebastian. I hope you manage to get some actual rest. Can't have you dead on your feet. You're rather useless that way. - JM ♔

Morning Boss hope you have a good day today, whether you're working or staying home. I'm not exactly dead on my feet, but I don't exactly have a pep in my step, either. -SM

I'll take it. Just as long as you've manage to maintain some level of capability. The pep will find it's way back in due time. - JM ♔

day is going well; pep has been achieved through force of will and sheer need to be peppy -SM

Need to be peppy? What called for a need? - JM ♔

well, working with customers and doing my damnedest not to kill people at my secondary occupation, of course gotta put on my customer service face, Boss -SM

Sounds dull. Stir their day up. Pop off. Cut a throat or two. Escape via the nearest window. Happy Holidays. I'd be highly amused. - JM ♔

the nearest window is the front door, Boss ×-× but, all of that would be glorious hope you had a grand day -SM

My day was, as one would expect. Average. Well, my idea of average. Are you quite done with your cover job then? - JM ♔

yeah, cover job is done to the same level of excellency one might expect from my REAL job just finished showering, actually sorry your day was only average though -SM

have a great night, Boss get some rest and have the kind of dreams you enjoy, whatever they may involve I'll message you tomorrow -SM

I'll expect the message. Sleep well, Tiger. - JM ♔

made it to the cover job having some shitty breakfast of champions

-SM

I'm all for sweets in the morning. But Sebastian, seriously? Monster? Just be an adult and slam a rail of coke if that's your personal method of bodily harm. It's about the same. Mmh. While I disapprove, I suppose that nothing can be done about it. The common people fancy that...battery acid in a can. Just don't make a habit of it. I can't very well have you dying on me. - JM ♔

no habit Boss just been up a helluva long time damn yappy mutts downstairs woke me up around 3 and I couldn't manage to ever get back to sleep it's pure necessity ...does it earn any points that it's the Irish blend? -SM

...Clever pet. Playing the Irish card like that. I'll mull it over and see how many merits that earns you. Perhaps that train of thought will be enough to keep me from dispatching one of my disposable pawns to go make slippers out of those mutts. - JM ♔

Beverage of choice aside did you sleep well? have any plans for the day ahead? -SM

I did sleep well. I usually do. I never have anything to worry about. And my plans for the day are to work. Last day of the week before I take my two days off. Well, I say off. There is always something else to be done. - JM ♔

No rest for the wicked 😉 I've got a shift at the cover job today and then I'm headed out of town for a little recon -SM

the cover job awaits and I must heed its call, disappointingly have a good day, Boss do your best not to get into too much trouble, eh? -SM

I never get into trouble. It finds me. Surely you know that by now. You're the one that should watch out for trouble, Tiger. I imagine you'll be in touch. Tootles in the mean time, Sebastian. - JM ♔

Out of the cover job but I won't be doing recon because of possible white out conditions in the area. hope your day went well -SM

made it home -SM

Good. Stay there. - JM ♔

Only an emergency can drag me from the warmth of the indoors now supposedly, we have 7-10" incoming tonight -SM

stay safe and warm Boss -SM

Leave it to you to get snowed in. I suppose it's not your fault. Just... Take your own advice. /You/ stay safe. And warm. - JM ♔

I'm freshly showered and gonna be off to bed. Hope you're having a good night sleep well when you do -SM

I'm getting to bed now. Rather, I'm going to try. I know you're asleep. At least, you had better be. Tigers up past their bedtime get Daddy's belt. No, I'm not threatening you with a good time. Cease that train of thought, you snarky git. ...I'm so tired, Sebastian. My eyes are heavy, and a tad sore. Yes. It's decided. I'm going to sleep. Goodnight. - JM ♔

Goodmorning D--Boss. Goodmorning Boss. Hope you uh...slept well. Are you alright? Not that I don't appreciate interesting messages because well, I do appreciate the heck out of the one I received but are you okay? -SM

You can't see it, Tiger. But I'm smirking at the thought of you almost allowing your fingers to type that word out. (You know the one.) But deciding against it last minute because you didn't want to have those respective fingers broken. Snap. Just like fresh carrots. As you can plainly see, based on the previous part of my message, I'm quite alright. Those early AM hours can be a bit tricky for me. I have people murdered in cold blood for a living, but I'm not completely without feeling. Not that you of all people would imply such a thing. No, I know better. You don't think I'm heartless. You went and got attached. Stupid thing to do. How did you sleep? - JM ♔

I think I slept alright my mind was in a bit of a state, what with that I was ready for the escape of a recon and then last minute don't get to go because of this damn snow that hasn't even decided to come yet No one ever said that I make the smartest of decisions, Boss though, I apparently made the smart decision on my earlier typing -SM