The Kindest Thing
Jing Yuan x Reader
Rating: Gen
Words: 611
Tags: Angst, no happy ending, rejection, sometimes love just isn't enough, Reader is human
Author's note: I've been hit by Jing Yuan feels, but I've been in an angsty mood. I just couldn't get this out of my head. I hope you like it.
Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~
The words pierced your heart like shards of ice. The cold they left behind prickled along your spine, wiped your mind blank until nothing but a numbing ache remained that found its way deep inside your soul.
“Forgive me. While I am deeply grateful for the joy you’ve brought to my life and I do find myself longing for these tender emotions, I cannot allow myself to pursue this path for us.”
These words repeated themselves in your head over and over again as you stood in front of him. Each time the meaning behind them settled deeper within your soul. Tears sprang free from your eyes before you even noticed the burning sensation but there was nothing you could do or say for a long time.
You wanted to ask why, wanted to know what’s stopping him. If the feelings were mutual, then why would he not…? Yet, not a single word left your lips.
It felt so selfish to you. Would he rather spend his time thinking about what could have been instead of experiencing it himself? Why not indulge, why not embrace these feelings and spend your time with someone by your side?
But…
Weren’t you just as selfish?
Clinging to his words, to his confession, disregarding anything else he has told you, ignoring everything you knew about him and his life.
He’s been through too much.
You would spend a - your - lifetime with him and one day find your end after a happy and fulfilling life, while he had to go on. He had to live with the grief of losing the one he loved with centuries that lay ahead of him and a hole in his heart that might never be filled again.
How could you dare to want him to put aside all his worries, all his fears, and the sole wish to not get hurt again, because you couldn’t stand the thought of being apart from him?
After all these years of witnessing loved ones leave and die, he wanted to save himself from the inevitable pain after your passing. He knew how heavy this pain could be and if he made the decision that a few years of happiness did not outweigh the cost, then you had no right to push him onto another path.
You bit your lower lip but inhaled audibly, trying to keep yourself from breaking into sobs and for the tears to stop.
When you finally dared to look up at him again you saw all the anguish, the guilt, the longing, the love, and the intensity of it rendered you breathless. All it left you with was a powerful and yet, agonizingly painful realization that this hurt him just as much as it hurt you.
But he was strong enough to push it all aside, to burden you both with the pain of a goodbye, knowing that it would come to pass, that it would not linger like the hole a gone loved one left behind.
Even though it tore your heart apart, you smiled up at him. A genuine and heartfelt gesture that didn’t manage to hide how you felt with your skin flushed and the trails of your tears still on your cheeks. But you held your ground. For the kindest thing you could do for him now was to let him go and spare him the inevitable pain of losing you one day.
“Goodbye, Jing Yuan,” you said softly but with a steady voice.
If he ever came to regret it you would never know.
Yet, you would never forget the look of sorrow in those golden, beautiful eyes as you turned around and left.
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kids remind me, often, of the things i've taught myself out of.
i have a big dog. he looks like a deer. he is taller than most young children. while we were on a trail the other day, a boy coming our direction saw us and froze. he took a step back and said: "i'm feeling nervous. your - your dog is kind of big."
goblin and i both stopped walking immediately. "he is kind of a big dog," i admitted. "he's called a greyhound. they are gentle but they are pretty tall, which is kind of scary, you're right. their legs are so long because they are made for running fast. i am sorry we scared you. would you like us to stand still while you move past us, or would you feel more safe in your body if we move and you stay still?'
"oh. i didn't know that about - greyhounds. i think i ... i want to stay still," he said. at this point, his adult had caught up to us. "i'm nervous about the dog," he told her, "so i'm - i'm gonna stay still." she didn't argue. she didn't make fun of him. she just smiled at him and at me and held his hand while goblin and i, with as wide of a berth as we could make, crept our way through.
behind us, i heard him exhale a deep breath and kind of laugh - "he was really big, huh? she said it's because greyhounds have to go fast."
"he was big," she said. "i understand why that could have made you a little scared."
"yeah. next time i - next time do you think i could maybe ask to touch him? when - i mean, next time, maybe, if i'm not nervous."
later, going to a work event, in the big city, i stood outside, trembling. my social anxiety as a caught bird in my chest. i took a deep breath and turned to my coworker. she's not even really my friend yet. i told her: "i feel nervous about this. i am not used to meeting new people, ever since covid."
she laughed, but not in a mean way. she said she was nervous too. she reached her hand out and held mine, and we both took another deep breath and walked in like that, interlinked. a few people asked us - together? - and i told the truth: i feel nervous, and she's helping. over and over i watched people relax too, admitting i feel really kind of shy lately actually, thank you for saying that.
the next time i go to an event, and i feel a little scared, i ask right away: wanna hold hands? this feels a little dangerous. i hesitate less. i don't hide it as much. i watch for other people who are also nervous and say - it's kinda hard, huh?
i know, logically, i'm not good at asking for help. but i am also not good at noticing when i need help. i've trained myself out of asking completely, but i've also trained myself to never accept my own fears or excuses. i have trained myself to tamp down every anxiety and just-push-through. i don't know what i'm protecting myself from - just that i never think to admit it to anyone.
but every person on earth occasionally needs comfort. every person on earth occasionally needs connection. many of us were taught independence is the same thing as never needing anything.
each of us should have had an adult who heard - i feel nervous and held our hand and asked us how we could be helped to feel safe. no judgement, and no chiding. many of us did not. many of us were punished for the ways that we seemed "weak".
but here is something: i am an adult now. and i get nervous a lot, actually. and if you are an adult and you are feeling a little nervous - come talk to me. we can hold hands and figure out what will help us feel safe in our bodies. and maybe, next time, if we're brave, we can pet the dog that's passing.
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Summary: You made a lot mistakes in your new job, but do you regret them? Nope, not a bit. But who can blame you for it? If you wouldn't have done them, you never would have met this pretty boy.
Remember: German Grammar is a lot different then English grammar. I apologize for any mistakes.
Pairing: Francis Mosses (doppelganger) x gn! Reader
(A/N): I usually write for mha, but this men dominates my fyp on TikTok and I can't stop grinning like an idiot about all this fanarts. My men is just too attractive for his own good. Nevertheless, Tumblr has too few fanfictions for him, so I had to do it myself. Still, I am not that proud about how it turned out. It certainly sounded better in my head, but I don't care. One shitty fanficion is better than none.
Art by @asteriscks on TikTok
This game is not mine, but Ignacio Alvarado. I also used phrases from the game.
Mistakes? Yes, but no regrets.
It's been a week since you started working for D.D.D as a doorman.
You can remember your first day so well, it could have been yesterday.
Well... probably because your life is constantly at stake.
_
It started with a mistake that you ended up here. It was completely unexpected since you always made sure, that you sent your rent to the right account.
Surely no one can blame you for a small typo, right?
Well, your landlord, who kept pounding on your door until you woke up, surely did.
"What?" you asked, annoyed, as you opened the door.
"When do you plan to finally pay your bill? The date has already been overdue for two weeks!" he complains.
What?
"Sorry, but I've already transferred my money to you."
"Well, I didn't get anything. Do you still have the receipt for the transfer?"
"No..."
You already knew what that meant: double payment.
"Look, today, I'll transfer it to your account again, okay? If it doesn't work this time, it's not my fault."
You were about to close the door, but your landlord had other plans when he held the door open with his foot.
"No no no. You will give me the money now. I don’t trust you. Why would you transfer it to me today, when it should have happened two weeks ago. You will give it to me now."
Your eyes widened.
Now?
"But I don't have that much money in my hand? Who's got that?"
"Then I'll have to kick you out for now. But don't worry, no one is going to buy an apartment here anytime soon, so you can move right back in as soon as you give me the money."
Staring stunned at his smiling face you could have sworn you were about to hit him.
"The keys?"
With watery eyes, you grabbed your keys, placed them in his outstretched hand, and frowned.
What kind of person had such sharp fingernails as he does?
You were sure that he could definitely have stabbed someone with them.
Thank God, I didn't hit him.
"When do you plan to give me the money? I've heard that all banks closed today. Some kind of holiday among them, I've heard."
What!?
How were you going to get through the day today? You intentionally left everything in your apartment since you were so sure that you could have given the money to your landlord in a matter of minutes.
"You’re telling me this now!?"
"If you had paid, you wouldn’t need to know."
That filthy bastard.
No matter how angry you were at that moment, your panic was overweighting.
What were you going to do now?
Shit.
"Man, I really wouldn't want to be in your situation...", the landlord murmured.
Fuck the nails- This guy deserves a punch.
Just as you raised your fist, he speaks again.
"But maybe we can agree on something.
Then you stopped.
"The D.D.D., which is responsible for the safety of all residents in this area, is looking for doormans. Ours has recently...quitted, which is why we are urgently looking for one. They pay three times the amount of your rent in a week. If you take the job, I can overlook your sloppiness this time."
Three times your rent? In a week? And for what? To sit there and check a few documents. You'd be crazy not to take the offer!
"Okay. I'll do it. Where can I apply?"
"Don't worry, I'll sort it out for you. Tomorrow, you can start”
_
Looking back, it should have been clear to you that something was wrong. Starting with the sudden his sudden threat, the fingernails and this stupid story about the holiday of the banks.
Maybe it was just because you were too panicked at that moment to think rationally.
But let’s be true here: when are you thinking rationally? If you did, you would certainly have quitted after your first day.
_
"Welcome and congratulations on your new job."
After watching the short video, a man in the yellow suit came to your window. You are so shocked that you can’t even answer.
I'm going to die today!
After all, you know it yourself: you're too gullible for the job. There's no chance you'll unmask a doppelganger who copies someone well.
“As you could see on the introductory film, your job is to verify the entry of the neighbors of your building. Each day there will be a list of individuals who will request entry to the building. It is possible that there are individuals who request entry and aren’t on the list. In which case you will mark on the checklist that they are not on the list and proceed to question the individual. Also, you must verify that the ID and the entry reqest are correct and have the respective D.D.D. logo. Don’t forget to also check the expiration on the IDs. Remember it’s Febuary 1955."
Your gaze wanders to the note that was stuck to the wall.
Arnold Schmicht F02 – 01
Anastacha Mikaelys F02 – 04
Robertsky Peachman F01 – 02
Steven Rudboys F03 – 03
Mia Stone F03 – 01
Rafttellyn Cappuccin F03 – 04
Admittedly, you don't know any of your neighbors, neither by character nor really by sight. You were never the type to care about your neighbors.
"I wish you good luck."
C’mon Reader, be like Henry…
But better.
The first inhabitant was Mia Stone and you already started to sweat.
"Good evening."
Was she real? Was she a doppelganger?
With shaky hands, you reached for her ID and entry pass, only to find that everything was fine. She was also on today's list and her appearance doesn't show any deviations either, right?
Just to be sure, you looked into the folder that described her appearance:
Long hair
Small round nose
She has freckles
...
...
...
Freckles?
Your eyes wandered again to the woman in front of you, who was waiting patiently behind the window.
You narrowed your eyes a little and leaned forward to get a better view of her.
No matter how long you stared at her, you didn't see them, her freckles.
"You look different...", you murmur after a while.
"What's wrong with my appearance? I think everything is fine with my appearance."
Her photo on her ID and Entry Pass both have no freckles.
Perhaps a mistake on the part of the D.D.D.?
You're about to press the green button, but then you see her grinning slightly out of the corner of your eye.
Shit.
She almost had you. You're really not made for this job.
Your hand slammed hard against the red button, causing the siren to blare and the metal window to crash down.
"3312," you murmur to yourself.
"You have contacted the D.D.D.. A group of agents has been sent to your building. Please wait for the cleaning protocol to run."
Cleaning protocol?
What happens to those who were cleaned? They certainly won't be killed, will they?
What if they will?
What if your judgment was wrong?
What if...
Your thoughts were interrupted as the siren fell silent and the metal window went up, only to reveal the yellow man.
"Cleaning protocol completed. You can continue your job."
It took a while until someone finally came again.
This time, your heart was pounding faster. Significantly faster. And this time, you can't even say for sure that it's all out of fear.
Milkman...
You definitely can't deny it: he's probably one of the most attractive men you've ever seen.
You don't even have to look at today's checklist to tell he's not on it – a face like his would have caught your eye right away.
"Francis Mosses, huh?" you murmured to yourself as you looked at his ID. "You're not on today's list."
"I’m not on today’s list because I had to leave due to an emergency."
Long nose
Thin chin
Tired eyes
Short hair
Wears a hat
It all fit. The only thing left now was a call.
Just as you began to spin the wheel of the phone, he said, "You're new here, aren't you? I've never seen you here before."
"Yes, today is my first day."
"Must be hard, huh? I've heard that more and more doppelgangers are appearing and they are becoming more and more error-free. It would be a shame if such a pretty face as yours were to disappear forever."
Your cheeks turn red and suddenly you feel shyer than you actually are.
"B-But your job has to be hard as well. I didn't think that being a milkman would rob you so much sleep."
Francis smiles a little. So little that you almost didn't see it at all.
"It's not. I just stay up for a very long time. If you like, I can bring you some milk sometime. It's refreshing, calms the nerves."
You bite your lip slightly when you have to refrain from a question.
What milk do you mean exactly?
My God, why were you just such a sucker for handsome men?
"I'd be delighted, Francis."
You talked to him for a while and you quickly forgot that you were actually going to call someone.
"I'd like to talk to you more, but I don't want to stop you from your work. I'll see you tomorrow, right, Reader?"
And you quickly forgot that you never told him your name.
You pressed the green button.
_
"Shh," whispered the voice of Francis next to your ear.
It was your third day, your third time to change shift.
Well, it usually would have been.
Your vision and mouth were blocked by the bloody hands of the doppelganger who claimed to be Francis.
He had killed the doorman, that should have taken over your shift.
You had to admit, that you were more than inconsiderate. After all, you didn't ask for his entry pass, nor the reason why he wasn't on today's list.
"I'll let you go now, yeah? No wrong move, okay?"
He laughed softly as he released his hands from you and turned your chair, so you were facing him.
"We don't want to hurt you, do we, Reader?"
The sentence shouldn't have given you hope, because after all, you were more than sure that you were going to die one way or another.
Maybe you should have shown a little resistance. For your honor, but....
Oh?
He is so close to you that you can practically feel his body heat. Or was it your own? Your face, despite your situation, was burning.
Even though he said he was letting you go, his hands ran over your body and you couldn't deny that it did something to you.
Were you so shameful?
"Actually, I wanted to wait, but I couldn't take it anymore. I've been patient long enough, haven't I? It was so much work for me, to let you get this job."
You didn't know what to say. Honestly, you didn't know if you would even be able to answer him.
His breath touched your throat as he spoke, "I think I deserve this, don't I? What do you say, Reader? Do I deserve my reward?”
If you were going to die anyway, why not enjoy the last few minutes?
Regardless of whether he was a doppelganger, he had lived up to his title as "Mlikman" that night.
_
"You killed the real Francis Mosses?" you asked the next day.
Francis grins, almost so much so that his real form was threatening to show itself.
"Yes, of course. What would have happened if he had come before me? You would have sent the D.D.D. after me."
Well, he had a point, huh?
No matter how wrong it was, you were glad it didn't come to that.
You didn't know the real Francis Mosses. That's probably why his death was so insignificant to you.
"Have you killed more people?"
"Just more doppelgangers you let through."
Your eyes widened.
You were so sure you caught them all. The false success was the reason why you didn't quit…well, it was one of the reasons.
"How many have I let through?"
Francis just continues to wear his smirk as he gives you a kiss on the forehead.
"Don't rack your pretty head over it, okay?"
You just nod, smiling.
"Are you going to kill others...?
You don't know why you added your next question. Probably because you wanted to feel special.
"Would you kill for me?"
"Hooooonn"
When you turn your gaze to his face, two white pupils stared at you and his grin is inhumanly wide and black.
You don't know if it's joyful or sadistic, but it definitely made you feel special.
_
Looking back, you made more than a few mistakes.
But honestly?
You don't regret a single one of them. After all, all of them have led to an all-too-familiar knock on your window.
When you look up, he waves, the milkman.
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Portrait spamming
Recent discovery. If you click on the portraits of the characters like crazy, they will react to it. And the developers had a lot of fun coding these reactions xD
Tav / Dark Urge
normal
- I'm awake! Mostly.
- I'm starting to get a headache.
- Must be the tadpole.
- Quit knocking around in there!
- A thousand needlepricks in my rotten skull.
combat
-Ahhhhhhhh! Okay, I feel better.
- I have an itch in the worst place.
- Is being a mind flayer so bad?
- Just waiting to venture forth here.
- I'm maiming as fast as I can!
stealth
- What's that ticking?
- Is it me? Am I ticking?
- Bomb in my head about to go off. Great.
- Ah, well. I had a good run.
Astarion
normal
- Why do beautiful people taste better? It hardly seems fair on the ugly - they have such wonderful personalities.
- Ugh. Strahd wouldn't put up with this shit.
- More like Drizzt Don't'Urden - no. No that's not funny.
- Villains! Dissemble no more, I admit the deed! Tear up the floor - here, here! It is the beating of his hideous hea- oh, no, that's his brain. Where did I leave that heart?
combat:
- I'm trying to focus on murder.
- *Humming.*
- I shot a svirfneblin in Menzoberranzan just to watch him die.
- I should've been a drow. They have such stylish armour.
stealth
- Shhh. Just think sneaky thoughts.
- Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP.
- Be very, very quiet - I'm hunting idiots.
- I've got a brand new torture chamber, so come and play with me.
Karlach
normal
- NOTE TO ACTOR/DIRECTOR: Blow a raspberry at the player.
- Don't. Poke. The Karlach.
- Who am I?
- My eye!
combat
- Eyes on the prize - we need to win this!
- Not every soldier should've made it out of training.
- Eyes on victory, tummy on dinner.
- I ought to just burn this whole thing down.
stealth
- My back can't take much more of this.
- Not now, I'm being a sneak!
- I'm getting too old for this nonsense.
- I'm not built to crouch.
Gale
normal
- I hope Halaster takes good care of Tara while I'm away.
- Sembian wine; Cormyrian boar; Waterdhavian conversation. It's the little things you miss while on the road.
- Oh, what a tangled Weave we web!
- All the world's my stage and you're just a player in it.
combat
- Just go for the Magic Missile and fire away. Never fails.
- Don't make me go all Edwin Odesseiron on you.
- Get. Out. Of. My. Head.
- I really wish I could cast a Hold spell on you.
stealth
- You made me hide, don't make me come seek you.
- Gods, it's like trying to sleep with a mosquito in the room.
- A little privacy please.
- Stop it - that tickles.
Wyll
normal
- Could do for a brew.
- Where there's a 'Wyll', there's a 'y'.
- Ever get the sense that someone's watching?
- So two halflings walk under a bar...
combat
- Can't hear myself think!
- Wear your scars proudly.
- As my father once told me: 'Can we get on with it?'
- I find moderation is key.
stealth
- Bad time for an itch.
- Could do for a brew.
- So two halflings walk under a bar...
- Shush. No, really. Shush.
Lae'zel
normal
- Must everyone be so exhausting?
- Weapons high. Standards higher.
- Is perfection too much to ask?
- Pride is a virtue.
combat
- I will know my queen!
- There is no right or wrong, only truth.
- What is the point, if not victory?
- You are right to fear me.
stealth
- Hush already.
- There is no wisdom in madness.
- Is perfection too much to ask?
- There is but one way. Vlaakith.
Shadowheart
all modes
- I wonder how I'll feel when I remember everything.
- Strange. I've had more freedom this past while than my whole life...
- Have to keep focused. Can't afford to get attached - to anyone.
- If I succeed, maybe I'll be allowed a pet... ugh, stop being silly.
Halsin / his voice is currently bugged :(
normal
- What I would not give for a chunk of fresh honeycomb...
- Such attention... I never realised I was so popular.
- Are you feeling lonely, perhaps?
- Unwise, perhaps, to poke a bear this much...
сombat
- Battle is afoot - you can poke me once we are safe.
- Perhaps try attacking the enemy?
- Admirable stamina, yet terrible priorities.
- You are insistent, are you not?
stealth
- Most consider it unwise to poke a bear.
- My, you are eager, are you not?
- Please. I am trying to be stealthy.
- Calm yourself. There is plenty of me to go around.
Jaheira
normal
- Oh, calm down. I'm happy to see you too.
- I would poke you back, but I fear that's what you want.
- My, such strong wrists.
- Well you certainly have the 'omnipresent' part down, don't you?
- Please go poke the ranger instead.
combat
- You have my attention - now do something with it.
- What? What do you want!?
- Do you know, I begin to wish they had never brought me back.
- Yes, yes, have your fun. It isn't you they're trying to kill.
stealth
- Dry those sweaty palms and let us try this again, shall we?
- Argh, my knees! Oh. It was a twig.
- Would that I could hide from you, too.
- Careful, or I will take your toy away from you.
Minsc
normal
- ARGH! My EYE, Boo! They went for my EYE!
- Know that if you poke Boo, no higher dimension will keep you safe!
- Heehee. Heeheeheehee.
- Well, Boo? How do you want to do this?
сombat
- Are you perchance a squeaky wheel in need of a kick?
- I am armed! Armoured! And entirely sick of your foolishness.
- I begin to grow annoyed. It is well for you that Boo does not let me learn the bad words!
- Ignore them, Boo. Let them gaze deep into their own abyss, and wonder just what it is they are trying to achieve.
stealth
- A little to the left? But not so hard you make me giggle.
- Boo...? Are you dancing down there, or...?
- Hush! I am surprising Boo for his birthday! He is... uh... eh... how old do hamsters get...?
- I am the night. A pity, then, that it is so bright out.
Minthara
all modes
- You had my attention, now you have my fury.
- Phlar Lolth ssinssrickla.
- Your suffering will be spectacular.
- Stop, or die.
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